Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 224: Do-Over with Alison Rosen

Episode Date: May 21, 2012

Alison Rosen from The Adam Carolla Podcast and Alison Rosen is Your New Best Friend joins Jesse and Jordan to talk about why a man would visit a strip club, who's better, Bert or Ernie, and what happens to a man's mind when he becomes a father.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, Jesse, go.

We start all over with Alison Rosen. The vicissitudes of a new studio. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Wow, Jordan. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Wow, Jordan.

Yes, we're coming down off kind of a major happening. It's 1969. Right. Abby Hoffman is here. We've just had the most amazing happening. Right. Our guest in the studio. Hey, you guys. It's me, Allison Rosen. You might know her from the- I've been here for three hours. You might know her from the Adam Carolla podcast or her own podcast.

Alison Rosen is your new best friend. That's right. We recorded basically— She has been—let me put it this way. She has been delighting you with her wit and wisdom for the past 90 minutes. Yes, I have been. If you haven't heard it, probably something wrong with you, asshole.

Yeah, it's certainly not that I didn't know that Adobe Audition was set up differently in this studio than it was in our old studio. How could you have known? And that Nick, our engineer, isn't here this week because he had to do something else this week. And so I was engineering. And so we may or may not have recorded only one microphone of an entire show's worth of content.

Granted, it was my microphone. So I feel like, what's the problem? But I do understand that this is not my show solo. Yeah, well, we could just put out, we could put out sort of as an alternate, just only Allison's audio from this. Wouldn't you actually hear you guys very faintly in the background? Yeah, and people could sort of piece it together. Right. Maybe we can add

subtitles. See? Problem solved. Well, anyway, Allison, it's not only, it was not only kind of you to join us on the program 90 minutes ago. Thank you. It's kind of you to join us on the program 90 minutes ago. Thank you. It's kind of you to join us again now.

Well, thank you. Yeah. Thank you for having me then and for having me back so soon. We loved you so much the first time. I know. What would that have been like? It's a repeat appearance. That might have been like a fun way around it to like not admit that we had screwed up the recording.

But just like, Alison, that was so fun. Would you like to record your return appearance now? Would you have fallen for that? Would you have been like, oh, my God, another appearance? Absolutely. You know, like people are going to be. Oh, like am I that stupid? Yes, I am.

Are you that dumb? I am that dumb. I would have thought like, that's weird. That's weird because did I black out? That's what I would think. Yeah, yeah. And maybe I would have felt like that's weird. That's weird because did I black out? That's what I would think. Yeah, yeah. And maybe I would have, you know. And it's strange that I ended up right back here.

I mean, comedians of a previous generation, you know, you knew you had made it when Johnny Carson invited you to come sit on the couch. Right. This is like that. Yes. When Jordan Jesse Goh invites you to tape another episode directly after you had already taped an episode. On the heels of the one that, yeah, the one that no one will ever hear. What's nice is that we do now have a much better lost episode. Yeah.

Oh, what was your previous lost episode? It was when some guys from a webcomic came on and were dicks to us. Yeah. So actually, you know, I think what we should do is... I'm happy to best them. Yeah, right? With your pleasantness. That's right. I think maybe just what we should do before we... I think we should just, you know, the best thing to do is just to do the show

like we would normally do it. But let's... Because I think so much awesome stuff happened, maybe we can just go around the room and say some funny things that we liked. We can just 1 to 10 say our emotional state today. Right. And talk about our – is this not – I would like to share.

I got confused. I thought we were in group therapy. Yeah, yeah. I'll start. Okay. We were talking about exercise, the topic of exercise came up. Yes, you were. And Jesse asked me if I had ever gotten in one of those machines where you put a

leather strap around yourself and it vibrated like wub, wub, wub, wub, wub. And then Allison, you asked, is that Pilates? Yeah. And then, you know, this is, see, now I have a chance to relive something painful and let it go a different way. And yet I'm going to explain that we all had a hearty laugh. And then, oh, I'm doing it to myself. And then I said the sad things I don't get why that's funny. And then Jesse explained because that's so not what Pilates is. And then I thought, oh, man, I sound really stupid. And then I imagined the iTunes comments that mentioned just that phrase.

And yet the whole thing is lost and I just put it back out there. Yeah. Why did I do that? I thought it was a delightful remark. Okay. Thank you then. It was. Yeah.

It was hilarious. I thought that was one of the funniest things that someone said on our program in weeks. Yeah. I'll tell you what Pilates is. If you're wondering what Pilates is, that's where- I feel like this is just for me because I feel like everyone else knows. I mean, I know there's a machine. It's where ladies with really toned arms go into an S&M studio and pretend to be Madonna.

Well, that's also like what you were talking about then. That's a good point. Point taken. Okay. There's no strap that goes wobble, wobble, wobble, wobble, wobble. Okay. Mine is like that. You know the thing that I'm talking about? It's like a weightlifter's belt.

It's like from the 1920s. Yeah, it was wubba wubba wubba wubba wubba wubba wubba wubba wubba wubba wubba wubba and it like jiggles you skinny. You know the thing that I'm talking about? Yes, yes, yes, I do actually. It's like an old time washing machine. Right, because I saw that episode of Mad Men.

Right. With the reducing machine. There you go. It was also a vibrator. Yeah. Anybody else have any kind of fun things from the last episode they want to? I had a lot of fun when we were talking about different characters from Sesame Street. Yes.

That was a lot of fun. Yeah. Well, it started, I forget exactly why it started, but I said, who do you like better, Bert or Ernie? Yeah. And then we talked about the ages, talked about Mr. it started, but I said, who do you like better, Bert or Ernie? Yeah. And then we talked about the ages, talked about Mr. Hooper, talked about Snuffleupagus. I defended Bert because I like Bert a lot. I didn't like Bert as a kid because, you know, who are you going to like, Bert or Ernie, honestly?

But as an adult, I found that I really like Bert because he seems so honorable. Even though he's a weird nerd. With one eyebrow. And he's a weird nerd. With one eyebrow. And he's not very social. He's not as charming as Bert as Ernie is. There's something very decent about him. He's really a stand-up puppet. Yeah, and you know that you can trust him.

I don't know. I think he seems like a serial killer. Why? That sort of steely intensity? Well, I mean, just he doesn't – his one emotion seems to be annoyance. Yeah. That seems to be the one emotion that he has. I was reading this article in the New York Times about psychotic children.

Right. Has anyone read this? No. This was in the New York Times Magazine. I saw the headline, but I did not read the article. This is about – I would like to, though. This is in the New York Times Magazine. I saw the headline, but I did not read the article.

This is about children who, you know, do kind of cruel, emotionless things and then manipulate their parents by, you know, by saying. Does the article say they should be put down at is that these children you know should be rounded up into camps. He doesn't say what they should do with them when they're in the camps. Psychopathic children. Psychopathic children. Yes. Yeah. Anyway.

So that seems like maybe. What are the signs? Maybe Bert is a. I mean you know. Cruelty to animals. No emotions. Not you know being overcome with rage. So I don't know. I think maybe Bert, you know, has – maybe his mattress is stuffed with the body parts of his previous roommates.

It's true. And it's only a matter of time. It would actually be pretty good to sleep on since his previous roommates were made of felt. We're all puppets. Yeah. Yeah, but the eyes could be hard. That's true. That's true.

That's a really good point. Yeah, that's why maybe why sometimes Bert has a bad back is because he's been sleeping on a pile of googie eyes. That he's – The puppet in the eye. It's like the princess and the pea but much more ghastly. You know, Allison on her podcast will occasionally get into feelings a little bit. Sure. And she managed to plumb my depths a little, my emotional depths.

I did, and now no one will hear it. By asking about fatherhood, she noticed a pattern that many of the people who complain about her role on The Adam Carolla Show on Twitter are recent fathers. Yes. And so I wanted to know, since you, Jesse, have a baby who's, well, now I know nine months old, I wanted to know, do you find that you're angrier now? Yes. And I admitted, this is sort of like last week on Mad Men. Well, no, because it makes sense. It's not just weird phrases.

Yeah. I'm going outdoors. I guess that's more next week on Mad Men is the nonsense phrases. Right. They're both pretty nonsensical. Yeah. Oh, you know, we should get back to this. But I was listening to an interview with Matthew Weiner and someone in the audience stood up and asked, why are the next week on Mad Men so nonsensical? Because if you watch them, you know, it's just this nightmare montage of characters in voids basically just saying a word.

And he says that he goes in and personally cuts those down because he doesn't want anything about the show revealed. Like he realizes. Is that what he does in the entire episodes as well? Right. Yes, exactly. Although I love the show. I just find it to be maddeningly elliptical sometimes. Yeah, yeah.

He does that specifically with Betty. Right, exactly. Just makes her as nonsensical as possible. Yeah. Yeah. I think. Cuts her soul out. Yeah. Betty seems like the female Bert to me. The female non-puppet possible. Yeah. Yeah. I think Betty... Cuts her soul out. Yeah.

Betty seems like the female Bert to me. The female non-puppet Bert. Ooh, interesting. Yeah. You think Betty's got a bottle cap collection and some pigeon friends? I do. Wouldn't you rather spend time with Bert than Betty, though? Yeah, no, that's true.

I don't know. Bert doesn't have those huge jugs, though. This is true. Yeah. Think of all the roles in Hollywoodllywood he's lost because of that only i could get breast implants um sorry i don't match the hollywood standard of beauty i he's like alina dunham that way i um i admitted to i admitted that the big thing that happens when you become a dad – and I don't know. I'm not going to be able to recreate my beautiful, stirring monologue that I generated on the spot when I was asked about this.

It was sincere. And the way you were speaking in kind of a halting manner, which made me think that you – You were Christopher Walken. Yeah. It made me think that you – You were Christopher Walken. Yeah. Yes. And not only that though.

As opposed to when you ask someone a question like, you know, how did you get to where you are? And you can tell they're just going on autopilot. It was not that at all. Yeah. I got the sense that you hadn't put this all together necessarily before. I mean if you might – if I might take the opportunity now to go on autopilot. Please. I think –

What we had before. What I said at the time was that essentially what happens is a kind of madness sets in because you are so not just physically drained. I mean, to some extent, the physically drained part is overstated. drain part is overstated. It's more the fact that you are constantly engaged. Emotional strain is the word you used. You're constantly emotionally engaged, that there's no time when you are not needed and that you don't need to be working. And my wife was talking to me earlier today about

how the part that is so hard for her is that you know when the baby goes when the baby finally takes a nap that that's when she has to do another thing that the idea that she has to do something else

well she's a I mean she's a professional biathlete it's great that she has to do something else. Skeet shooting. Right? Well, she's a professional biathlete. No, no. It's great that she's still trying to compete this year in the Olympics. Olympics are coming up. Yeah. 2014 is right around the corner, Jordan. I know.

I'm not going to. Look, she has a dream, and it is my dream, too. And I'm not going to let her crush, if you'll pardon me, our dream of her being the greatest female biathlete of all time because she doesn't want to fucking skeet shoot while the baby is sleeping. Okay. I'm sorry. I just, you know, I just don't think Gina Davis has the same problems. If that, forgive me, lazy so-and-so, and I'm sorry to say that about the mother of my child, but it's true. She won't get out there on the skis. She won't get out there with her rifle and shoot skeet because I got to breastfeed. Oh, I got to cook this yam. And I got to breastfeed. Oh, I got to cook this yam. And then I got to, I got to put a puree

it. I got to cook and puree this yam or sweet potato. You know what? Give me a break, lady. You know, let's hire somebody so you can shoot some skeet. I feel like ever since the baby's come, her priorities have changed for the worse. Yeah. It used to be about the skeet. But now. You know what I tell her? Every week. Every week I tell her skeet, skeet, skeet.

Motherfucker. I don't think you should be calling your wife a motherfucker. I'm sorry. I mean, I know that she's squandering a beautiful Olympic career. It's their dream. Together. Okay. Something they've been building.

They can taste it. It's that close. So, Jessie, you're kind of like one of these moms from the Southern beauty pageants. Like a Toddlers and Tiaras type. Yeah, you're like a Toddlers and Tiaras mom. I was going to go Bela Caroli, but I think Toddlers and Tiaras is more apt. What's Bela Carolli? That's the guy from Carrie Strug.

Oh, okay. And from Nadia. Nadia Cominiccia. Yeah. Oh, okay. Is this before your time or something? I keep forgetting how young you seem with your lack of knowledge of references that are old. Yes.

No, no. I mean, I'm just upset by sinewy women. So I don't watch a lot of gymnastics. Do you hate Wheaties boxes? I do. I hate them. A bit of rage and serial. That's why I only go to Trader Joe's these days is because if I'm in a standard grocery store and I see a Wheaties box. Right. I don't care if it has Carrie Strug or Bruce Jenner or Geena Davis on the front, I will knock it off the shelf.

And I've been ejected from several grocery stores. That's why Jordan is so – I mean Jordan hates anything sinuous. So he will – He hates certain steaks. Greyhounds. I will kick a greyhound. Big cats. Lynx or – I mean this guy would not even...

He's one of the biggest, most enthusiastic video game players ever. If you even bring him near an Atari Jaguar, he will kick it square in its video game console nuts because he's so upset by sinews. Also, too many buttons. Yes, too many buttons. On the controller. How many buttons did it have?

It had a lot of buttons. Really? When did you realize you first hated sinew, Enos? You know, it's just always kind of, I mean, I guess my first. Fit of rage. My first sexual experience was with, oh, God, I had a fucking great pull for that. I forgot her name. Oh, boy.

Oh, it's a redheaded woman. Christina Hendricks, you had a great poll for your first sexual experience? Oh yeah, well I'm talking about sinewy women. This guy fucking polled, this guy walking down the street, virgin, this is when we're in college, polls Christina Hendricks at a bar. It was amazing. I just told her, I asked her if she liked magic tricks. I mean, she wasn't famous at the time. She was struggling. Yeah. It was amazing. I just told her, I asked her if she liked magic tricks. I mean,

she wasn't famous at the time. She was struggling. Yeah. She had been on Firefly. Oh, gosh. She's, let me try and say this joke because I think it's worthwhile.

Okay, great. I need to remember the name of this actress. She was in Burn After Reading. Uh-huh. She was in Hannah. Did anyone see Hannah

no she's a redhead and she plays intense she plays like intense domineering women

yeah she plays Frances not Frances McDormand she was in Burn After Reading though right so we're somewhere

yeah oh good but we're not anywhere near where he's trying to be is it George Clooney? It's not George Clooney.

She's maybe known for kind of looking a little alien, a little otherworldly. John Malkovich. John Malkovich. Wait, was she in Nicole Kidman? Not Nicole Kidman. She was an alien. She does look a little alien. And she's married to Tom Cruise, who is an alien.

Was she in a television show? I don't think so. Okay. Can I say one thing about Burn After Reading? You may. But it won't help you think of the name. Sure. I mean, it'll give me some time.

I didn't really like Burn After Reading. I'm a big Coen Brothers fan generally. I have to say, I didn't really like Burn After Reading. I got some hits, I got some misses. But there's this one scene where John Malkovich is on his houseboat, and he's doing doing step aerobics and he's just going, you fuckers, I'm back. I'm better than ever. You fuckers, I'm back. And it is my favorite thing that has ever happened in a movie ever.

I haven't seen it, but I love it based just on your rendition of it. All you need to do is just type into the internet, you fuckers, I'm back, John Malkovich, and you'll get to enjoy and watch it. And the only other thing that has ever been in a movie that's better is the part from Me, You, and Everyone We Know that I won't say what the part is called because that would ruin it for people that haven't seen it yet. But that part that we have alluded to on this program before is the best part of a movie ever. But this is the, I think you fuckers, I'm back. I'm better than ever, is the second best part. Because John Malkovich on a houseboat doing step aerobics and sucking himself up. I'm almost deep into IMDb here. I'm covering for you.

Keep going, guys. Allison, Jesse, keep talking about movies you like. I'm keeping this. What I want to say is the notion of Googling you fuckers, I'm back, made me think, have you had that experience where you've Googled something and then you thought that was the wrong thing to Google? For example, and this is now the second time I'm making a reference to the show The Golden Girls, but for the listeners, it's the first time.

Right. They're hearing it. Oh, our Golden Girls. But for the listeners, it's the first time. Right. They're hearing it. Oh, our Golden Girls run was delightful. It was so great. Yeah, right on the heels of discussions of handsome women. Sure. And healthful figures. But one time I Googled Golden Girls.

Medicine balls. I like that this is just a bunch of inside jokes that no one gets. That's great. Anyway, we can just make up new ones that didn't happen. Hey guys, hummingbirds. Am I right? I know. That was hilarious. Oh my god, that part was hilarious. I love nectar. I love nectar. Yeah, they did.

Anyway, I searched Golden Girls once, and that pulls up crazy old lady porn. Really? I think that's what it was. It's porn for sure. I'm just saying just be careful. So for sure there's porn on the internet. What you use to pull it up. You better know that.

You can't remember exactly what it is that you do to pull it up. No. I know if you type in Golden Girls, you'll be not looking at anything involving those four delightful women who lived in Florida. Okay. You'll be looking at porn. I just forget exactly what kind comes out but i bet if you type in you fuckers you're gonna come up with like people who fuck goats or something the problem is you are a lamb right did you mean you fucker did you mean yeah google s did you mean ewe

um guys did you mean ewe fuckers john malkovich. John Malkovich fucking farm animals. House butt. Guys, I think I'm ready to make this joke. I went into IMDb. I found the name of the actress. And I think it's going to be worth the wait. I don't think this is too much buildup at all. I think this is going to become my signature joke. Hold on.

I'm still laughing at house butt. That's great. Allison, would you ask me how long I've had a problem with sinewy women? I sure will. How long have you had a problem with sinewy women? Well, my first sexual experience was with Tilda Swinton, and it was an unpleasant one. Oh, that's good. I think that was worth all that falderal.

Absolutely. Yeah, Tilda Swinton. She was in Burn After Reading? Yeah, yeah. I don't remember that. She all that Alderall. Yeah, Tilda Swinton. She was in Burn After Reading? Yeah, yeah. I don't remember that. She was. She was great. Also in Hannah.

She was a villain in Hannah. Very good in that. Wasn't she also in Samila's Sense of Snow? I don't know. I've never seen that. That's another thing that if you type that into the internet. Oh, yeah. Maybe she wasn't. You know who else is a sinewy woman while we're talking about this?

The one who plays Brienne on Game of Thrones. Now, this probably doesn't mean anything to you, Jordan. Yes. Or have you gotten to that point? I have watched – I was saying to these guys in the deleted show that I have watched four episodes of Game of Thrones. I guess I've watched five episodes of the first season. I'm getting the DVDs through Netflix now. I'm quite enjoying it.

Anyways, someone is sitting there. Brienne is that night lady? Yes. She's a lady, but she's a knight. She's super huge? Yes, exactly. If you type her into the internet. If you type in super huge, yeah.

But yeah, there's a photo of her at some premiere. That's just pictures of Khal Drogo's dick. I'll be typing that in later then. Yay. Yeah. of Khal Drogo's dick. I'll be typing that in later then. Yeah. So there's pictures of her at a premiere though and she's very lady looking. Lady like looking in the photo

because she looks like a pale man on the show. Yeah, she does. Khal Drogo was at the flea market that I was at the other day. Oh. He was just at the booth that I was at and everyone was like, oh, that was Khal Drogo. And I did not even notice that Khal Drogo was there.

Did you not recognize him with a shirt on? I guess he was. Yeah. I guess that he wasn't muttering in a made-up language and being not quite racist enough to say, like like that's definitely racist but enough of a thing where you're like there's something wrong about

this how this thing is the only not white people thing something is weird about this they're always fucking Khal Drogo played Conan in the Conan reboot. Oh.

It is not very good. Oh, no. Yeah. It did have that good trailer, though. I don't remember the trailer, but the movie is terrible. The movie, God, I mean, speaking of things where you're like, ah, is this? He said, like, I slay, I love, I eat, or something like that, and then that was the whole thing. Oh, yeah, yeah.

It's like a terrible version of eat, pray, love. Right. It is like the Conan reboot is sexist to the point of making someone uncomfortable. Some people say that about the Adam Carolla show. Right. And I'm comfortable with sexism. I'm comfortable with sexism. No, but there's this part where it kind of apes the plot of one of the Schwarzenegger Conan movies where he has to transport an oracle who is a virgin female.

Right. Female. She's a virgin woman. And there's a part where – so he has to kidnap her from this temple and take her to a second temple. And there's a part where she very, very reasonably asks him, where are we going? And he ties a rope around her mouth so she can't speak. Anyway. Wow. And a lot of other stuff like that happens.

How would tying a – just a rope though? It's like maybe like a scarf or something. He impedes her speaking because she's getting too mouthy. Something else we talked about – or no, this is going back to what you were talking about, about being a dad though. You were saying that the baby really doesn't have much use for you until the fourth month or so. I mean it takes months. He's like a real mouthy oracle. It takes months.

Just a fucking useless. It takes months for the baby to, I mean, it takes a few months. I mean, the baby, like, a baby doesn't really recognize people consistently until it's like four months old or something like that. months old or something like that. And so it will tolerate, I mean, it prefers its mother to some extent, but you can pass it to anyone that knows how to hold a baby and doesn't, isn't weird. And as long as the baby's not in a bad mood, it will be okay. You know, you can friends or other relatives or whatever. Then it starts to recognize other people. And so it will prefer people that it recognizes to some extent. Our baby, our doctor sort of warned us, like, if you have relatives, you know, your parents that it doesn't see a lot, it might get upset if you throw, you know, this is when in-laws get upset, you know, and that kind of thing.

That didn't really happen to us. We have a very pleasant tempered baby who doesn't dislike strangers. But he doesn't he's not like he didn't have any significant interest in me for a long time. And only recently when he learned to he has learned to connect with people by going by waving and going, ha. He has he really sort of engaged with me. really sort of engaged with me. And that's tough, I think, when you're a dad, because when you're a mom, you know, it's attached to your boob for food and, you know, it's getting food from you and you're getting a rush of pleasant hormones from it, you know, eating from you. And it's a tough thing, I think, when you're a dad. Was there a point where you thought to yourself, like, this baby, you know, it's not connecting with me emotionally.

Maybe we should have just gotten a pet snake. I mean, I— I had the same question. At one point, I did buy a tortoise, and my wife made me return it. Did the pet store take it back, no questions asked? Did the pet store take it back? No questions asked? They did have an NQA policy, which I think is weird because of like sex stuff.

Yeah. I would ask some questions like, have you done any sex stuff? Yeah. Of the tortoise? Or just you. And I was surprised they didn't mind you painted those racing stripes on it. Well, it looked sporty. It did look sporty.

And they're flattering. The spoiler seemed a little cruel to me, though. Gluing the spoiler to its shell. It was having some problems with getting traction in the rear when it was really going fast. Oh, sure. So, you know, especially after I put those racing tires on it. Oh, was this a Turtle or a Honda Civic? Tortoise.

Tortoise, excuse me. Now that I think of it, yeah, it was a CRV. Okay. Yeah. It was an import tuner. Oh, cool. I guess when it's tortoise and tuner was where I got confused. See, he's tired because of the baby.

Yeah. And so you're confusing certain cars and certain amphibians. But you were saying that there's just not much use for the father at the beginning, too. Not just from the baby's perspective, but kind of like you just don't. Like there's so much pressure, but you're like, should I buy something more? Or like, what should I do? Yeah, I mean, there's things that you need to do. I mean, there's so much things that need to be. There's so many things that need to be – there's so many things that need to be done. I mean one thing that I found myself thinking was I just didn't understand how anyone could be a single parent with a baby.

I understand how someone could be a single parent with a child. It's very difficult. But, I mean, I grew up in a household where my parents were divorced and, you know, I split my time between them. And so I know how that worked. But just I cannot imagine how anyone and I mean, I guess partly for us, it was because we don't have we don't have family here. And, you know, we don't have we don't have a lot of peers with children. We don't, you know what I mean? So we were, it was on us.

You know what I mean? And that is so overwhelming. But the thing is, is that when you are the dad, you're useful in the sense that you can cook dinner, you can clean up, like that kind of thing. But you're not useful to the baby. The baby doesn't care about any of these things. Like you're useful to the family. You're useful in the practical sense and on the abstract. But the baby could give a shit.

The baby would be the same if Teresa just won the lottery. Yeah, exactly. The baby would be the same if Teresa just won the lottery. Yeah, exactly. In terms of how you and your wife get along now that the baby's here, I imagine she must have less time for you. Yeah. And is that an issue? I mean, here's the thing. I mean, she's really slacked off on brushing my hair before bed, which is a disappointment.

You got to knit that shit in the bud. I know. I know. So anyway, no, I mean, it's weird. Like, there's this thing of does, there's that. But the real thing is we just don't have time for anything. is we just don't have time for anything, especially because, you know, we work together and I was working more than full time before the baby was born and Teresa was working full time. And so we really just, we just don't do anything. And that is just, it's a crazy adjustment to have.

Because you guys were Formula One racers before, right? Yeah. Well, in addition to the biathlon and- Yeah, yeah. And didn't you host a lot of dinner parties where you'd have someone come and butcher a whole pig in front of the group? Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, we did the whole where you bury it in a pit in the backyard

and you roast it over the whole course of the day. And then someone would... I'm Anthony Bourdain. Yeah. Well, and then so Jesse's dinner parties are great and then someone would bring in... And my wife is David Chang from Momofuku. Oh, wow.

Yeah. And then someone would bring in like an Eastern European runaway and we would hunt it for sport. So, I mean, you guys haven't done that since you've – you haven't been hunting men for sport since you had the baby, right? Or at least not in a social context. Not for sport so much as – I mean, I have hunted a few men for food. But just because I didn't want to go to the grocery store and There was just a neighbor crossing nearby and my gun was handy.

Sure. I just shoot him, flay him, roast him up. It's just like boom, boom, boom. Shoot, flay, roast. And then was your wife like, ugh, neighbor again? I know because they're gamey. Ultimately they're going to be gamey.

You would not like them. No, I know. Like eating Tilda Swinton, which I've done, guys. But it was her pussy, not like them. No, I know. Sinewy, like eating Tilda Swinton, which I've done, guys. But it was her pussy, not her flesh. Right. And I was giving her oral sex. Right.

Do you need a further explanation? I'm unclear. What is oral sex? Well. That's sex at Oral Roberts University. Yes, which is very shameful. That's what I call shameful sex. Yeah.

Oral sex. Yeah, I mean, it's— Oral Hershiser? Yeah. It's sex with oral Hershiser. No one is named oral anymore. Yeah, right? I'm surprised they ever were.

Yeah, I know. But yeah, I think you're right. It's not necessarily surprising that no one is named Oral anymore. But why were they ever? And yet I bet – I wouldn't be that surprised if all of a sudden we find out that Oral is really making – especially when I say it in that felicitous way. Sure. Oral is really making a comeback because – and I actually – I have been talking about this recently because that list of the social security's list of like the most popular names for this year just came out. And it always blows me away how the most popular name is a name that I was thinking like, oh, Abigail.

I kind of like that name. Or, oh, Olivia. And these – and you haven't heard those names in a while. And I bet that will be a good unusual name. And I feel like somehow it's just the zeitgeist where everyone around that age pulls out this name that they think is unusual. It's like, oh, I know a thousand Jennifers. I know a thousand Andrews. So, yeah, no, maybe there is an ebb and flow to like parents busting out in quotation marks old timey names. Yes, and actually Trixie.

Yeah. I know more than one Trixie right now. But you hang out at a lot of strip clubs to be fair. Yeah. You're making fun of someone's baby. Two people's babies. Although, yeah, those jokes were made. I mean on the plus side, I mean free lunch spread.

Yeah. I mean great buffet. No. Really nice buffet. Down there at the Golden Pussy. That's Jordan's favorite strip club. Right. I know. It's owned and operated by Delta Swing.

Yeah, exactly. Okay. Do you guys actually go to strip clubs? No. I was just having a strip club conversation with someone last night. I have been. I've planned a couple of bachelor parties. You have to go then.

Yeah, yeah. And yeah, I could probably count them on two hands. So yeah. Yeah. That sounds like a lot actually. Yeah? Less than 10 for a lifetime? I don't know.

Counting something on two hands doesn't sound like that for you. You're right. It doesn't sound – yeah, for sure. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, I wonder if it's – One hand for me. Yeah.

See, I've never been – Hey, you only need one in those places, huh? Because you're jerking off. They throw you out. No. What was your strip club conversation? It was just trying to understand. Well, I was saying that you don't ever meet a doctor who says that the way they got there was from being a stripper. Because, you know, there's always – I don't know if it's just in movies or actually in real life. They're stripping for specifically med school. Yeah. To put themselves in med school. You think that if you went to the doctor's office, there would be like a picture of them getting their diploma,

a picture of them before they got their diploma, when they were a stripper. You'd know from the shoes. So I just think that's bullshit. And then that just turned into like – I don't quite understand how it works. Does the lap dance happen in a private room or does that happen out in front? They had pretty naive questions. And isn't it all very frustrating? Okay.

And actually I actually had a – I had this similar conversation when I was on Elizabeth Lame's podcast, Totally Lame. She had kind of similar questions about the strip club and I think these come up a lot. It's like, you know, isn't it weird that it's a bunch of, you know, guys, a lot of them shady, are all there to be turned on? Yes, that's weird. Isn't it weird that women are feigning an interest in you to get money? Yes. Yes. That's weird. Isn't it weird that women are feigning an interest in you to get money? Yes. Yes. That's weird.

Yes. Isn't it weird that it's a lot of sexual rubbing and behavior without any actual sex? Yes. That's weird. Here's the explanation. You're drunk. You're fucking drunk off your ass and it seems like a good idea. Like it's just fun.

So I think that like – So that reminds me actually how this conversation came up. We were talking about the strip clubs where women get entirely nude. They can't serve alcohol. Yes. Yeah, yeah. And I was trying to understand that. So you're drunk already.

Yeah, you're drunk already. Yeah, I don't think you ever – you don't just saunter up to the strip club at 7 p.m. Right at 9 a.m., yeah. It's either – I mean if it's a bachelor party or it's a birthday where that's kind of the plan or it's you know, we were out getting loaded already and it's on the way to the car these are the two instances

how far away did you park, geez great parking over there at the Golden Pussy they have a garage covered garage, I mean that's ultimately a covered garage, really nice valets so yeah, I think that yes there are a, like, sensible questions that someone should have about a strip club. But I think just if you're drunk and rowdy, that doesn't register until the next day where you wake up and go, oh, that whole thing was pretty stupid. I mean, I think also the other thing is all of those reasons are the reasons that you don't go to a strip club.

And I think that's the reasons that most men don't, as a general rule, don't go to strip clubs. Not that they haven't been to strip clubs, but that as a general rule, they don't. I mean, you know, as you just heard, you know, I think Jordan and I are pretty normal dudes. I've been twice in my life and Jordan's been to go six times or whatever. Sixty times. You have weird hands. I mean that's just for the parking. For the parking.

I've parked there. I mean I go in and I hang out for a little bit to get it validated. Right. Because you need to get a stamp. You have to get the validation. But that's only if you want to – because the thing is we get the validation, you get the free car wash while the car is parked there. Oh, yeah. Well, that's nice then.

It's really nice. And anyway, so no – like I don't think there are – there is this group of men that go to strip clubs. And they have just – so there's two groups of men. I think most men don't go to strip clubs as a rule. When they do, they're drunk or it's a bachelor party. I mean in my case, I don't drink but I mean it was like bachelor party and you just go and you're just like, well, I'm just going. Yeah. And so you just say there's all these weird things about it, but we're just doing it. You know what I mean? It's just what's happening.

And you're also a dude and you enjoy seeing naked ladies even in the weirdest of circumstances. Yeah, I guess that's the part that we need to realize is that just the seeing of the naked ladies is enough. It's really powerful. Like that need to just see a boob that you've never seen before is really powerful. Yeah, a new boob. New boob. And you with an umlaut over it. Because I love German women.

I love thick German women. It's totally – Healthful. Healthful. Figures. Yeah, it's really intense when you're a dude. Yeah, it is for sure. And I think that – yeah, and I think that that plus – I mean, God, I mean if you think about the lengths that – if I think about the lengths that I went to as a young – as a teen, preteen to like get and see porn in the pre-internet age like i mean there

was so much scheming and hiding involved that like yeah the thought of being humiliated if caught or the you know whatever repercussions would happen from you know squirreling away porn just were out the window because the need to see a boob is so intense. Right. And so so for I think for most dudes, it's just some circumstance that they have just set themselves up and just like, well, it's going down. Sure.

You know, and and they just compartmentalize all of the bizarro things about it and just say, well, it is. In a way, that's what sex is actually. Don't you think? Yes. I mean, there are compartments involved. But I think there is this. Human compartments. There is this amazing other category of dude. And I don't think I interact with a lot of these, but I have met guys like this who go to strip clubs.

Yeah. And they're not all like, they're not all sad weirdos specifically. Some of them are sad weirdos. But, I mean, there's some – there's just – there's different kinds of dudes who go to strip clubs as a thing that they do. I mean, you know, rich athletes go to strip clubs for some reason. Sure. Well, that's where you go to get caught with a gun. Right. If you want to get arrested for possessing an illegal weapon and you're like a football player.

And that. But it's like finding out that someone, you know, grew up Jehovah's Witness and you're like, but you seem so normal. It's like that. I know exactly what you mean. I'm enjoying the recognition I'm having a lot. That is. I mean, that is something where. That is something where.

She never had a birthday party. That is something where those people have, I think they just have something inside of them. Those men have something inside of them that means that they have found a way to essentially live their lives as drunks. Like to essentially, they have just decided, they've gone down their list of things that are going to be significant to them and things that are not. And all of the reasons that we just listed that strip clubs are weird and creepy,

they're just like, well, fuck it. Sure. They're just like, I'm not going to count those. Yeah. And it might be, I think in some cases, it might be because they don't value them. You know, they don't because they're jerks or whatever. In some cases, it might be because they're weirdos. And so they don't get that they're weird.

I bet Bert goes to a lot of strip clubs. Like puppet strip clubs? Oh, Burt and Ernie. Burt and Ernie. Dead Eyes. Burt would be the one that would frequent strip clubs. I think so. Why is that?

And some of them may just be, like, I think the athletes think that they're above feeling weird about that. I don't know. I don't know. Well, I bet if you are a professional athlete or a or a 80s hair metal guy and it's the 80s or it now it's now you can go to a strip club and have sex with a stripper. I bet. I mean, I think that's probably that's I mean, I bet if you are one of those guys, you're a different kind of. Yeah, right. For sure. I mean, maybe you don't have sex with them in the strip club, but I mean, I bet you could get a number or something. Yeah. Right. Anyway, so I mean, I think that those, I think that that world of dudes that go to strip clubs, they just, it's just like they have just taken that list of things and just been like, okay, that's a list of things. But I'm crossing it, but I'm crossing

it out. I'm crossing those things out. Allison, have you ever felt pressure to be the cool girl that goes with the dudes? Like, have you ever got that invite? No, I never have actually. And I do have a lot of male friends. Yeah. I'm not someone who only has male friends, but I mean I am in a lot of times one of the guys, so to speak.

But maybe I just hang out with dudes who don't go to strip clubs or I don't know. There was one time I was at South by Southwest years ago because I used to write about – I used to cover music. So I'd always go to South by Southwest for the music. This is before it became a big internet festival thing. I don't even know if there was. Now it's just lol cats. They used to be like hot up and coming bands. And now it's actually just cats that go.

You will laugh out loud though. They have little laminates. That would be adorable. The whole music festival is actually just cats pressing piano keys. Various keyboard cats. I would go back if that were the case.

But anyway, I think there was talk of let's all go to a strip club. And it was a female publicist who was like rounding the charge. And she apparently loved going to strip clubs. And I don't understand that either. She was straight as far as I know. So I just don't get it. I mean I think – I enjoy Circus Circus though in Las Vegas and how different can that be really?

I mean scary but – Right. Yeah. But in terms of a trashy place. Certainly as filthy. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

That's what I'm saying. You know, I have a female friend that I went with once and this is a very, very good friend of mine. And – Tilda Swinton. Tilda Swinton. And we're still friends. I mean our sex thing got a little out of control. We're both very volatile people.

So it didn't work. You know, you get two big personalities like me and Tilda. I can see how it would get out of control. It's like fucking a rubber band. And she – Or a rubber band. Yeah. And she – Or a diving board. Yeah.

Right. I don't think we're going to do anything better than that. No. That's great. Rosen. Rosen. And she is not – and she's heterosexual, has a delightful boyfriend and really, really wanted – sincerely asked me if she – if I would go with her because it's something she had a really good time and I don't think – and I think the initial thing to think about a woman who's like, let's go to the strip club is that like, oh, well, they're just trying to – it's like a woman who kisses another woman at a party. Yeah, in front of a guy. It's like that desperate –

The shock value kind of thing. And this is so absolutely not my friend who is so reasonable and delightful and delightful and um you know is not one of those look at me attention people but just really kind of like you know and the kind of the way she explained it was like it was just such a it was just such a just being in a room with all of that sexuality was just such a turn on. And I think that – and to just kind of like just be in a place that was all about sex and yeah, and she – yeah, and had a great time doing it. So I don't – I can't fully explain why it was significant for her but it really – it was really something.

Maybe because I can't get that list out of my head, or maybe I'm frigid, who knows? Right. I can't imagine and I'm speaking as someone who's never been to a strip club though, so I recognize that this is coming from a place of ignorance, but I've seen a lot of strip clubs on television shows. Sure. It doesn't seem

like a place of sexuality. It seems like a place of sexuality it seems like a place of desperation and drunkenness yeah um we were like i should point out we were a sex party or something right i mean it's i mean it's like obvious yeah it's like i think it is maybe like the in between of like going to an orgy that's you're in a room that's just all about sex where no one is thinking about anything else but you know if you're you know in a committed relationship or don't like the idea of fucking strangers like where do you go to like have this evening that's all about you know that's all about eroticism anyway that's all it's beautiful

thank you thank you thanks guys great so golden pussy that's right uh we got we got five dollar dances fellas if you like the scenery show them some greenery we also talked about um well i was complimenting you guys on the way that you effortlessly don't interrupt each other and i was saying that almost all the podcasts that i am am part of are more like a clusterfuck sure just a lot of energy and it's all happening at the same time great parking like a clusterfuck. Sure. Just a lot of energy, and it's all happening at the same time. Great parking at the clusterfuck, by the way. Well, not the— That is the new venue brought to you by the people, the team behind Golden Pussy.

Right. It's their new, like, it's kind of like more—it's like an Art Deco. It's like—oh, I was going to say it's sort of like Old Navy to Urban Outfitters or Gap or whatever. Right. The clusterfuck is the young, hip one. Exactly. And the golden pussy is just, it's your dad's strip club. But here's the thing you have to know.

There's going to be a lot of talk of like, can you believe this is from the same people that did the golden pussy? Right, exactly. And like that conversation gets tired. Sure. Yeah. Chipotle funds abortions. Anyway, I'm being those guys. Don't people say that about Chipotle? Is that what they say? No, but I think they say it about, I didn't know about Chipotle funds abortions. Anyway, I'm being those guys. Don't people say that about Chipotle?

No, but I think they say it about – I didn't know about Chipotle, but I know that Curves is owned by – Oh, the women's fitness organization. They're owned by some kind of, I think, anti-abortion conservative. Oh, my God. I got to cancel my membership. Yeah, you do. You need to circuit train. Speaking of places that you just go to just to be in a place that is just drenched in sexuality.

Drenched in sexuality. That's why I go there. I mean it's not because I want to work out. It's not because I'm a heavier woman. It's just because I just need a place that I can go to as a refuge to just bathe in that. Sure. Just ogle it. Yeah. Just ogle it. Or ogle it.

Just to quickly go back to strip clubs really quick, because why wouldn't we? I think that it is important for a, if you are someone who's been in a super long-term relationship to like, you know, as awesome and crazy as your sex life

with your long-term partner might be, I think that it is, you know, as as awesome and crazy as your sex life with your long term partner might be. I think that it is, you know, always exciting to feel that kind of burst of like, what the fuck is going on? Like, you know, that that a single person gets when you have a one night stand. Like, it's not the same thing, but it is kind of a similar part of the brain that I think gets poked a little bit there. Anyway, the part that yells, what the fuck is going on?

Yeah, yeah. Right. Exactly. I found it terrifying. When I went on my bachelorette party. We didn't go to Chippendales. Yeah, we did. I told them it was a bachelorette party.

Yeah. It was terrifying. It was penis straws. It was genuinely terrifying to me. Yeah. I think I'd be more like you. Yeah. Yeah.

I think I'd be more like you. But, I mean, the advantage to me is how exciting it is to see naked ladies. Yeah. They're really great. Which is, I think, if you're a straight dude, how intoxicating that is just really cannot be overstated. Now, is it the actual naked lady bits or is it just the notion of a naked lady? Yes. Yeah. It is both.

Sure. Yeah. I mean, I don't think that there's a lot of – there are some dudes. I mean, I don't think that there's a lot of... There are some dudes. I don't think there's a lot of dudes that are super into looking at jinnies. Yeah, that's true. You know, but that having been said, I think when it comes to seeing a naked lady, I think even a lot of dudes do want to see a vulvular area.

A pubic mons. My question more is, does it matter how super perfect and attractive this naked woman is? Or is it just, as long as she's not unattractive,

is it just the idea of here's a woman who's naked in front of me? Yeah, yeah. Boy, I think that – yeah, I think for a fella, yeah, the here is a nude woman that I'm close to is real powerful. And even if it's not your – even if it it's not your ideal even if you're not into the sinewy women like a nude sinewy woman that you've never seen nude before is fucking incredible and yeah so i think that yes i think that you are right i think that a nude woman is a powerful thing regardless yeah and i mean i think it's different from um you know, I mean, it's definitely different from like a lady you're in love with or that kind of thing. But I mean, really, I mean, to be perfectly frank, like, I don't know.

I haven't been to a lot of strip clubs in my life. Strippers aren't necessarily the world's most beautiful women. Sure. Yeah, yeah. You know, like they're. Right. the world's most beautiful women. Sure. Yeah, yeah. You know, like they're – Right. That's my sense of them. Yeah.

Like if they were like homely, I don't think they could be professional strippers. Sure. But they're not – they ain't models. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. But really what it is is it's like – and there's nothing fundamentally sexy about doing a weird stripper dance. Yeah. It's just that they're – it's more about the fact that A, they're naked and B, they're doing a sexy thing.

Sure. I think. You know, like just that it is a sexy thing even though it isn't especially sexy. Right. That it is intended in that direction. I think that's what – you know what I mean? Does that make sense? Yeah.

No, it does actually. Have you ever been to a bachelorette party where there's been a male stripper? No, I never have. I'm trying to think. Most of the bachelorette parties I've been to have been these pretty anti-conventional bachelorette party affairs where it's like, let's just get all the gals and we'll just go. No one in my group of friends refers to themselves as gals. But in the retelling, we do evidently. And let's just go have – You've got Rose and Blanche and all the gals.

Exactly. Dorothy. Yeah, and let's just go to Palm Springs for the weekend or something. And then – Oh, so all of your friends are middle-aged gay men. Yes. That's who's in Palm Springs. That's right, yeah. Or elderly Jews.

Which demographic group are we talking about here? Both. 75-year-old, 50-year-old gay men or 75-year-old Jewish couples? Well, actually, I have a group of friends whose parents have places in Palm Springs. Right. And so it'd be like, oh, we could go to so-and-so's mom's or dad's condo or whatever. So that's what we ended up doing. Yeah. So no, I've never been in the presence of stripping. And I'm fine with that. Sure. no, I've never been in the presence of stripping. And I'm fine with that.

Sure. I just want to put that out there less. I don't know what kind of paranoid and self-important fantasy I just had where someone listening to this decides they need to rectify this. Right. Sends a stripper my way or something. Knock, knock, knock. Yeah, sure. Just on the door at Ace Broadcasting.

Knock. Hi, I'm looking for Alison Rosen. There's a man in a gorilla suit out there. Is that what you think? Male strippers wear gorilla suits? Or like a sexy nurse if it's a female stripper because I've seen Ferris Bueller. Oh, yeah. Or a fireman.

Yeah, I think that's – Leaseman. I don't know if that was ever a trope of stripping, but I mean, in the strip club experience, there's not quite enough costumes. I don't like it if everyone had a theme. More highly thematic. Yeah, right. Or, you know, like different clubs had different themes. Like one was sci-fi and Game of Thrones is very hot.

Yes. There could be the, you know, Dothraki fuck camp. And it could be just maybe tense. Okay, look, I think we've talked enough about strippers for a segment that started off with me talking emotionally about my child. Oh, yeah. We'll be back in just a second. I love to hear this when he turns 13. You're like, Daddy talked about you when you were a baby. We'll be back in just a second.

But don't listen to the rest. On Jordan, Jesse, go. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Hey, how about some sponsors, Jordan? Let's talk about those. It's how we get money.

Money. First of all, of course, our friends at Ask Metafilter. Yes. Ask.metafilter.com. They're the best. Hey, Jordan, have you looked at the front page of Ask Metafilter lately? I haven't. Are there any entertaining videos up there? Yes, there are. One featuring me and our good friend Adam

Lissagor from You Look Nice Today explaining how Ask Metafilter works and talking about a painful goiter. Terrific. That sounds like a great reason to visit that homepage. No, it's one of many great reasons. Another great reason would be if you have a question you need answered or you want to find the great answers for it. Okay. Ask Metafilter.

Where better? It's as easy as that. Hey, we also have another sponsor this week. This is a return from last week. The folks behind the spec pilot don't take this the wrong way. These are some young comedy gentlemen that actually met in a class taught by one Gordon Morris. Do you want to look at that again? Do you want to look at that announcement?

Are you sure you're pronouncing all that right? Sorry. A comedy-jlass taught by one Gordon Morris. There you go. Do you like how I accidentally mispronounced something in the middle of that? It actually mispronounced. Yeah. That ruined the joke of me intentionally.

Yeah. Anyway, sorry. I think we all appreciated the joke. Yeah. Let's all appreciate the joke. Don't take this the wrong way. The premise of this thing here is it is essentially a sitcom, but with feelings, about a group of guys in their late 20s sort of trying to find their way.

The idea is it's a little bit like Men of a Certain Age or another show. There aren't a lot of shows, frankly, like this, where there are guys that have real, actual emotions and characters, but it's also a comedy. And they are raising money to shoot their pilot. There's a bunch of incentives. If you give them some money, $25, you get a copy of it. $50, you get an autographed script. promised this week, though, that if you write JJ Go in your comments when you make your pledge,

they will come up with special bonus prizes just for Jordan Jesse Go listeners. And more importantly, they are sponsoring both our show and My Brother, My Brother and Me this week. And look, we've got a great relationship with

the McElroy brothers. Don't hate them at all. No, we don't hate these relationship with the McElroy brothers. Don't hate them at all. No, we don't hate these guys. They're nice young men. Look, they give out advice. We're sort of like father figures to them. Sure. But what's important is that if you are a father, which we are. I mean, we're fathers to three young podcasters who do a show called My Brother, My Brother and Me.

Every so often, you have to crush your children. You know, you have to crush their hopes and dreams. Like Zeus crushed the Titans. Exactly. And so the creators of Don't Take This the Wrong Way have said this. If more people donate that put JJ Go in the comments than put MBMBAM, then they will name characters Chip Dipson and Dip Dobson. However, if more people put MBMBAM in the comments,

then they're going to name this high school in the show McElroy High School. We cannot let that happen. That would be shameful. Nothing would be worse. This would literally be the worst thing that has ever happened in my life. It would be worse when my grandparents died. Oh, boy. This would be worse than when I got punched that one time on the street for no reason.

Sure, this is going to be worse than my bout of painful diarrhea. It would be worse than that. It would really be the worst thing ever. So don't embarrass us, people. These are just some young gentlemen trying to pursue their dreams of creating television comedy. That's as simple as this. That's all they're trying to do. And to be perfectly frank, their show is more popular.

So they will probably win. Let's not let that happen. Go to Indiegogo.com slash wrong way. That's Indiegogo.com slash wrong way. And you can take a look at these guys' video. You can decide for yourself. Give these guys a couple, throw these guys a couple bucks and help support their dreams of becoming big television stars. I think it's a worthy cause.

becoming big television stars. I think it's a worthy cause. You know, even if you just give them $5, $10, $20, you know, I think they're doing a great thing. They're inspired by Jordan. You know, their goals are tremendous. They've got a great video up there. They've got a great script together.

You know, let's make it happen for these guys, huh? Yeah, why not? Indiegogo.com slash wrong way. And if you want to sponsor an episode of Jordan, Jesse, go email Teresa at Teresa at MaximumFun.org. And if you want to get on the Jumbotron, it's MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you. It's Jordan Jesse Eagle. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Alison Rosen, America's sweetheart detective lady. Sure. Why not? Just throw them all in there. I like them unwieldy. Blend them up. Yeah. See what we can do. Well, Alison Rosen, look, you've already been here for over two and a half hours.

We all have giant beards. It's very funny. There's a bird nesting in yours. Yeah, I know. Alison, it has been so great to have you on the program. Thank you. I've enjoyed all of my appearances today. It was exceedingly kind of you not just to come on the show but to stay with us after I messed up recording here in our new studio setup.

So thank you very, very much. It was really a delight. Thank you for having me twice. Folks can find Alison's podcasts in iTunes. Alison Rosen is your new best friend. And you can go to my website AllisonRosen.com for show descriptions and all sorts of other information, including

information about the live show that is coming up. So I'm starting to do my podcast live. And the very first one is going to be May 24th. So where are we talking about here in Southern California? Yes.

At UCB, Upright Citizens Brigade Theater. By the way, I did not know until recently that when you say UCB, some people think Berkeley. UC Berkeley. Which is far away and doesn't make sense to me. And I didn't even realize that is a much more famous thing that has the initials UCB. Right. University of California at Berkeley. I think in L.A., like, everyone knows what that is.

So you'll hear podcasts where people just bandy around UCB and don't talk about what it is. So, yeah. But is Berkeley – do they call themselves UCB? Yes. Okay. Do they say Cal? They usually say Cal or Berkeley. But UCB would be the third most likely thing they would call it.

Because I got a lot of like, I'd go if it weren't so far. I'm like, you're in L.A. And then I realized. Yeah. So anyway, yeah. I mean, I'm right here in Hollywood on Vine and Franklin. I can't get to Berkeley. No, you could walk.

You don't understand. Yeah. So that's May 24th. And the guest is Garfunkel and Oates. Oh, they're delightful. And they'll even be performing, so I'm excited about that. So if you're hearing this, please come. They're a musical comedy duo, Garfunkel and Oates.

That's right. Very, very funny. You know which one I like? I like that Handjob I Don't Understand job. That is a good song. I like that, too. That's one of my favorites of Garfunkel and Oates. Yeah, that's all I got to say about the Garfunkel and Oates.

It's just an anecdote about one of their songs that I enjoyed. It came to life for me. Jesse's stalling while I'm looking up the name of another actress on IMDb. Is it Frida Swinton? Doesn't it seem like Tilda should have a sister named Frida? It does. Like the whole Swinton clan. What else?

I imagined Frida Swinton to possibly be a latina in the vein of frida kahlo and now i'm imagining i'm imagining yeah very burt like in the day yeah and i'm now i'm imagining uh that this that the the swinton sisters are each a different ethnicity oh that'd be great a real cram box so the thing So the thing that ties them together is their tight, stringy physiques. Right. Their sinuity. Yeah, their sinuousness. Sinuousness.

Their sinuousness. But the thing that keeps them apart is that each of them has a different ethnic background. Right. Their xenophobia. One of them is Afro-American. One of them, if I might use a term from 1971. You may. One of them is.

You're good to go on that, Jesse. One of them is Inuit and so on. Right. You'd be like, is that a Christmas card from the Swinton sisters or a Benetton ad? Sure. Exactly. Or the village people. Oh, I think one should be mechanical.

Why, yes. Robo-Swinton. Oh, I think one should be mechanical. Why, yes. Robo-swinton. Oh, that'd be good. And one just has a huge key, a huge brass key coming out of her back that you have to turn if you want her to act. Oh, sure, like the automaton from Hugo. Yeah, precisely. Precisely. Precisely.

Well, Allison, thank you so much for joining us on the program. Thank you for having me. As always, you can find us online at MaximumFun.org. Email us at JJGo at MaximumFun.org. Give us a telephone call, 206-984-4FUN. Hey, Jordan. Hey. Max Fun Con East.

Yes. Tickets now on sale October 26th through 28th in the Poconos. We have lots of amazing guests already lined up, more on the way. We have not announced any of them, but it is already more than half sold out. So if you want to come, go to MaxFunCon.com. And by the way, I think as we record this, there may still be a ticket or two left for regular MaxFunCon that has become available. They became available shortly before, you know, the final deadline of tickets becoming permanent and so on and so forth. So if you want to come send us an email. But yeah,

maxfuncon.com if you want to come to see us in on the East Coast and hang out with us and so on and so forth. And yeah, Alison Rosen, always a delight. Our theme music, Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. We'll talk to you next time right here on Jordan Jesse Go. Hopefully only once next time.