Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 226: Live at MaxFunCon 2012

Episode Date: June 4, 2012

W. Kamau Bell, Ashkon and Throwing Shade's Bryan Safi and Erin Gibson join Jesse and Jordan for a live show at MaxFunCon.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, friendly, raggedy, edgy, pretty, lovely, pretty, home free. This week's Jordan Jessico was recorded live at MaxFunCon

this past weekend in Lake Arrowhead, California. Let's go. For the at-home listeners, when it went to black, it was pitch black. No one saw our entrance. Certainly there aren't many doors open to the daylight for ventilation. Basically, people think we're teleporters. Welcome to Jordan, Jesse, go. Oh, man, this is fun. This is exciting.

We have prepared for this show for dozens of minutes. If you combine our efforts. Literally, in the time it took for us to prepare for this episode, we could have watched an episode of Bob's Burgers. But we didn't, because we care about you guys. Because we care. That's 24 minutes without commercials. Oh, you know, actually, God, I am so sorry, Jesse.

Before we officially get started, sorry, kind of a, I hate to do this, because we kind of got in that flow, but there's just a couple of announcements they want us to make. Oh, yeah, right, right, sorry. Yeah, just the UCLA Conference Center just wants us to make a couple of announcements they want us to make. Oh, yeah, right. Sorry. The UCLA Conference Center just wants us to make a couple of announcements

and stuff to be mindful of, and then we'll continue with the show. This is just quick stuff for you to know. If you're here, if you're at home, you can just space out for a couple minutes. This does not apply to you. You'll probably cut this out of the original version. If you see raccoons going through the garbage, do not interfere.

Raccoons here are very internet savvy and they can and will ruin your online reputation. Take care. There are some college students here from UCLA. Avoid eye contact with them at all costs. Remember, they may try

and convince you that Donnie Darko is a good movie. It is not. It's not. If this happens, just play dead. If you fuck too hard in the canoes, they will capsize. If you need to act out sexually in the canoes, try and keep it limited to handies and finger fumbles. Well, some of the wild blackberries are tainted.

And by that I mean I've rubbed them on my taint. Ingest at your own risk. Do you want to take this one? Yes. Judge John Hodgman has been eating bath salts again. Luckily, they are non-hallucinogenic bath salts,

so he will not attempt to eat your face. Be warned, however, that he will attempt to bore you with stories about the time he met Cameron Diaz at the TED conference. We get it. You met Cameron Diaz at TED. Here's one. Two brags in one.

The UCLA Lake Arrowhead Conference Center does have sports equipment available to be borrowed from the front desk. For MaxFunCon attendees, we have compiled complimentary operating instructions for the equipment in both English and Klingon. And finally, you might have noticed that there are some older folks hanging around the camp area. These people are from another conference. However, they are DTF. So,

just a few quick announcements that we wanted. Can I say something really amazing that happened to me downstairs? So I was sitting downstairs printing out the announcements that they emailed me.

And I don't think the woman at the front desk knew that I was around the corner or that there was anyone from the conference around. And she was trying to explain to just a visitor what was going on here. And I can't decide what her tone was. So maybe you guys can help me.

This is sort of my best impression of what she said. She said, yeah, it's called The Sound of Young America, but the organization is called Maximum Fun. I guess it's a sort of how to be a comedian club. So there's some comedians and some wannabes. And I don't need to tell you that some of them are very eccentric.

Is that the bitchiest nice person ever or the nicest bitchy person ever? Is she being super nice about how bitchy she is or super bitchy about how nice she is, Jordan? To be fair, I have seen several people on Unicycle, so... I mean, that's on you guys.

I feel like we should fill in the listeners at home, by the way. Not only have I created one of the most compelling PowerPoint presentations ever created, it has a wine theme. We're not technically a wine theme. We're not technically in wine country. But we're pretty plastered.

Yeah, we're pretty plastered. This week's episode of Jordan, Jessica was recorded live at Max Funkind, supported by donations from listeners like you and by our friends at IFC and their new show, Comedy Bang Bang, Fridays at 10, 9 Central with Scott Ackerman, past Jordan, Jesse Go guest, Reggie Watts in the band. And this week on the program, Mr. Zach Galifianakis talking about what would happen if dogs could talk. Comedy Bang Bang, Fridays at 10 on ifc um let's bring our guest up to the stage he's one of our favorite stand-up comedians Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. Let's bring our guest up to the stage.

He's one of our favorite stand-up comedians. We have known him, gosh, since we were in college. And we are so excited that he is going to have his own television program, executive produced by Chris Rock on FX, called Totally Biased, coming up this summer. Please welcome to the stage W. Kamau Bell. W. Kamau Bell. How are you doing, Kamau? I'm doing fine.

It's great to have you on the program. I'm the only black guy here. There is a black lady here. Yes, that's true. This is as close as we've been, right here. And there's one over there, and I feel like we're triangulating just to make sure. Jesse, Jesse, Jesse, don't introduce them.

They might make plans. Guys, don't make any plans. Oh, oh. Guys, don't make any plans. I just wanted to say that for the internet listeners at home, in case by the time this airs something, I've disappeared. They can know where I was last. You've never been here, Kamau. Any first impressions?

This is the middle of nowhere. Yeah, it really is. Can I swear? Yeah. Of fucking nowhere. And I knew it was the middle of nowhere. Even getting up here, it's the middle of nowhere. Yeah, it really is. Can I swear? Yeah. Of fucking nowhere. And I knew it was the middle of nowhere. Even getting up here, it's weird that people have houses up here and live up here. Yeah.

It seems like it's specifically for really rich militia guys. Like if you're a survivalist whose dot-com got bought in the mid-'90s, but you also want to overthrow the government, like, this is where you live. There was a... All along the route to get up here, there were signs for a congressional candidate that have pictures of a guy with a gun. And the guy's motto, you know, like, it's usually

like, discover change or like, we can do it together or, you know, his motto is live free or die. Does that mean that he's going to commit suicide if he loses? That was when I saw that, I thought

if I could find my way back to the highway, I would not make it to Max FunCon this weekend But fortunately for Max FunCon I'm completely lost The guy who's running against him On a platform of no fluoride in the water His opponent It is really

This is really like It's amazing I mean it's beautiful It's a wonderful beautiful place We've had amazing weather this weekend Can I make another congressional candidate joke? Yeah, sure. Of course. Sorry, I didn't mean to. These two

guys are both very opposed. One thinks Jews are lizard people, and one thinks that they're robots. They just cannot agree. I'll think of some more later. That's why we give Jordan this piece of paper to write on. Kamau, you have...

I'll make some handy turkeys if I get bored. Kamau, I didn't know that you had... I have a baby who's ten months old and you have a baby who's a months old And you have a baby who's A year old

So my baby can totally kick your baby's ass Baby fight Baby fight Don't chant baby fight Don't chant baby fight Don't chant baby fight Like we're thinking about it If your baby can kick

Then your baby can probably kick my baby's ass I am working my baby on baby MMA every day. She's got the ground and pound to awesome. You got her those clothes by Lil Affliction. And you buy them at a store at the mall called Mommy's Little Assholes. Which used to be a different store. Right, yes.

Tucson, Tucson. It used to be an asshole tightening service for only mothers. My wife's asshole is too loose. Wah. See, you stopped him from doing those Congressional jokes and look what happened

Yeah I know It's got worse If you had any Kamau I have to ask you a serious dad question And you can answer if Bug your cat Has had any of these type of situations She probably has she's very advanced Or your Xbox

I don't know your Xbox's name But Kamau, I don't know Have you had any scary medical situations? Because I had one recently I think when you're a new parent Every time your baby does something new You think it's a scary medical situation Yes, yes

She's growing things in her gum teeth Oh, alright, alright We had this thing happen. We took my baby Simon to the pediatrician, and he just does standard measurements. That's the main thing the pediatrician does at that age is just measure the baby and show you a graph and perform the magic trick of telling you

how tall the baby's going to be when it grows up, which I don't think means anything, but is pretty cool. He's got a fucking graph, you know? Like, who's going to... And he's taking the measurements, and he does a head measurement around the head, and he says, oh. And that's not, like, when it's your baby, like, no,

because a pediatrician doesn't go, oh, fuck. He knows not to go, oh, fuck. At least he didn't just blow an air horn in the air. What does that mean? We're bringing in the head team. Jordan. And he plotted it. I didn't say head team.

That was you. I like how you've turned away from him to sort of cut off the... He showed us on the graph where Simon's head was, like, percentage-wise, like, in terms of percentiles. Because as I was saying, you know,

and he's not a remarkably big kid he's like 50th percentile height 50th percentile weight 50th oh my baby could totally kick your baby's ass

yeah she's 95 height and 75 weight it wouldn't even be fair wow okay so don king over here like he's ready

to do this I am the don king of baby fights. We could do underground videos and sell them through late-night direct-to-DVD television commercials. That's what my FX show is. It's all baby fights. So he measures the baby's head and he goes, oh, you know, and he shows us on the graph and the baby has a 99th percentile head size. And I'm not going to lie. We knew the baby had a biggish head.

I bet your wife really knew that. Yes. My wife learned that lesson the hard way. And so we don't know what that means. And he says, look, there's some reason to be concerned, so I'm going to refer you to the neurologist. And we had to go to the neurologist, the pediatric neurologist, and we are thinking, like, does it have, the only medical condition,

because I know that, like, if it had a tumor, it would be lumpy, I think. I don't know how it works. But I imagine that it would be lumpy. No, it turns out, I mean, this ain't brain surgery. So I think if he had a tumor, it would be lumpy. And I'm just, all I can think of is that maybe someone gave him some of that nerve tonic that Ken Griffey Jr. drank in that episode of The Simpsons with the Major League Baseball players. So you're saying your baby is sneaking out at night to traveling medicine shows? That's my presumption.

It's a done-it. Kids love it. But we had to take the baby into the neurologist who had this alarmingly because the thing is it's like when you're working when you're talking to the doctor the doctor cannot be when there is a reason to be concerned there's like any tone he takes is the wrong tone because if he's if he's freaked out about it you're like what the fuck you're supposed to be a doctor right if he's freaked out about it, you're like, what the fuck? You're supposed to be a doctor, right? If he's acting worried. But if he's not acting worried, you're like, give me a fucking break.

My baby's head could be growing from the Ken Griffey Jr. nerve tonic. So I think what you're saying is that to maintain bedside manner, he should just give you all the news through a speak-and-spell? Or at least one of those. Yeah. Like a Stephen Hawking type situation. I mean, who wouldn't be more comfortable with Stephen Hawking? He's a smart man.

Sure. So first he... Your baby's head is too large. So he measured the baby's head and confirmed that it was indeed an enormous head. That was step one. Apparently that's what they teach you in neurology school.

So he confirmed that, and then he kind of goes, yeah. And that's like not, again, not what you want to... Yeah. That's the response you get when you ask someone which appetizer they want to share. Nachos sound good? Hot wings?

Yeah. Medium, hot, blue cheese ranch. Yeah. So, baby's head is big. So he goes, yeah. And he kind of pokes it like this, you know. Here's one of these. know he's like yeah and he goes and he points at me he says uh dad that's another weird thing about these doctors is they don't want to have to learn

your name but they want to be personal with you so they call me dad and my wife mom and my son baby and every every person in the hospital, it's really kind of creepy. They'll be like, can you bring baby over here? It's like, who else? Can you get fireman to come here and put out the...

I can see how that would be confusing because I know this is a little bit personal, but you and Teresa, in your personal life, you do a lot of adult baby stuff. So when a doctor says, baby, you automatically perk up, right? No, I drop drown, put on a die-die.

Sometimes you make a boom-boom. Sure. You've been known to. So he says, dad, come over here, and he puts the tape around my head, and then he types it into his computer, So he says, Dad, come over here. And he puts the tape around my head. And then he types it into his computer. And then he says, Mom, come on over here.

And he puts the tape around her head. And he types it into his computer. And he goes, click, click, click, click, click, click. He didn't ask you permission? He didn't say, I'm going to measure your head? No, sir, he did not. He just touched our heads. Also, it's just weird that a doctor has that tape measure. It just seems inappropriate.

Like, he would also have a level. And, like, a file. You know? It just seems like something from the era of, you know, when doctors, to avoid the black death, would wear, like, a leather cone over their head. What's really weird is the skip it. Pause for alarm.

Yeah. So he typed the numbers into his computer, and then he looks at the computer readout, and he's like plotting it. We can see him sort of following the graph with his fingers, which also did not inspire confidence. Especially if he's going like this. Yeah.

And he looks at it and he goes, yeah. And then he goes, I'm not going to lie to you folks. You've got very large heads. And... This is why all marriages should be arranged. Yeah.

Because then you could... You people can't be together. Your heads are too big. This is like a selective breeding. It turns out that Teresa and I are running, like, you know, like, if they're breeding foxes for fur, they want, like, the longest, softest fur. if they're breeding foxes for fur, they want the longest, softest fur.

It's like we are somehow participating in someone's plan to grow giant-headed men. Do you think maybe somewhere there's aliens that eat human head meat? That's entirely possible. In fact, I'd say that's likely. Well, you know here, Jesse, I think you could maybe parlay this into a little bit of a cash cow.

May I suggest something? Yeah, absolutely. I don't know if you've maybe parlay this into a little bit of a cash cow. May I suggest something? Yeah, absolutely. I don't know if you've talked about getting Simon into acting or not. I don't know if that's come up. Oh, yeah, it hasn't come up. Yeah, but it certainly... He's a cute, very personable, well-behaved baby. Yeah, and he's very talented, let me tell you.

Yeah, yeah. I don't know if you... You haven't seen The Avengers yet, but kind of the thing that everybody's going nuts about is Hulk. Hulk from The Avengers is, you know, he's better than he's ever been in a movie, and I think, you know, everyone would love to see that Hulk standalone movie, right? And, you know, there's a very famous villain from the Hulk universe called The Leader. That's about all the laughter I expected. He's got a giant

head due to gamma rays and a giant brain. They were originally kind of setting him up to be played by Tim Blake Nelson. Yeah, it's fine. Can I? I so hope the woman that you overheard downstairs is listening to this right now.

I don't know. And they have these conversations. About fictional creatures they believe are real. And when we clean the beds, the sheets are filled with cum. Covered in cum. Covered in cum. Just stiff as a board.

Yes, they are. Yeah, they need some do not disturb signs in this place. Yeah. I gave my son one of the sheets to use as a boogie board.

I didn't tell him it was caked in cum. I don't know. Do you think your baby could play the villain in the Hulk standalone movie? Do you think he's better than Tim Blake Nelson? Yeah, well, he's definitely better than Tim Blake Nelson. I mean, let's get real.

Oh, Brother, Where Art Thou? was a long time ago now. It was. He's been coasting off that for a while. Here's... Can I. Can I suggest a plan that will get roughly the same proportion of recognition in the audience as your thing about that Hulk guy? Yep. What if, again, in the performance vein, what if I pitch him as a character in an early 2000s Ludacris video? Do those have giant heads? Yeah, you got giant heads.

For the record, were all my Hulk facts correct? Thanks, guys. You literally looked to the part of the room that knew what you were talking about. It was like, do they all recognize? I can just feel it. I can just feel it. The Hulk section. I can just feel it. Just for the record,

hand me down flip-flops, hand me down socks, hand me down drug dealers, hand me down rocks. Yep. Thank you. Ludacris' ears just got warm. For the first time in a very, very long time That only happens when Too Fast, Too Furious comes on FX

So I didn't mean to That was not a slide at the network that will be housing your show It's one of my favorite Fast and Furious films And it's one of my favorite networks One of my favorite Fast and Furious The only person who says that is Vin Diesel Do you think Vin Diesel At his house has like a whiteboard

With magnetic strips so he can change the ranking When he changes his mind He's like I don't know I'm feeling This is a Tokyo Drift day He's only in the end of Tokyo Drift Did he get his Fast and Furious Did he get his Fast and Furious reverse right? Okay, yes, he did. Jesse pointed at the Hispanic teens of the audience.

They're also who we're going to go to for Morrissey confirmation. But the end of the story was, it was confirmed that while my baby has a 99th percentile head, which ordinarily would mean that it should be sent in for CAT scans and MRIs, because my head is a 96th percentile head and my wife's head is also a 99th percentile head, she is the same size as my head. It's a very beautiful head, I'll point out.

That we actually... You have to walk around it like this. That we actually have... We actually have nothing to worry about with the giant head. Congratulations. Thank you. Congratulations.

Congratulations. And luckily This will be the only health scare In our time as parents You only get one Maybe for Halloween you can all go as Asteroids from the video game Asteroids Oh hey one other thing

One other neurology related note That I just want to get your feedback on I went to the neurologist this week, and I have been, I have officially been prescribed medical Botox. Oh, what is that?

People are like, ahhh! It's, when they, they, so apparently what happened is, people who were getting Botox, which if you don't know is when someone injects botulism into your skin

to temporarily kill your face, that people who were getting regular Botox just to get their crow's feet removed or whatever were reporting that they were getting less migraine headaches and they did studies on it, and they found that for a reason that they do not understand,

which is everything with migraine headaches, that for many people who get chronic migraine headaches, if you get Botox, it actually helps your migraines. So I would have to go to the neurologist does this. And the thing that, again, speaking of medical people giving me pause, the thing that, again, speaking of medical people giving me pause, the thing that she said, she said, you know, some people get,

you'll get it over your eyebrows and at your temples, back of your head, across the top of your head. In a few other places, different doctors do it differently. Wait, what? Like, they're different, they're just gonna pick a couple of fun places

To put the botulism Anyway, I don't know what to make of it I just wanted to throw it out there Where have you gotten the botulism? I haven't gotten it yet, but they're gonna put it She said possibly in my trapezius So I guess I'll have to quit my career On the flying trapeze

I mean, it seems like there's just so much overlap and they don't really understand this. Maybe you should also get breast implants. See, now you're thinking, Jordan. I am already going to buy my ticket to next year's Max FunCon. If it comes with breast implants and Botox from Jesse, I guess.

Is there anything come out that's going on with you and your baby that you're worried about, concerned about, that you haven't? Our baby is, because my wife is white. No, sorry. You know that couple of gubernatorial candidates in the audience. Upset about race mixing. So because I'm black, our baby came out looking Arab.

Okay. Which is awesome. No, it's actually cool because I feel like that's where the Arabs came from in the first place. White people and black people having sex in the desert, right?

We all know that. Is that where your baby was conceived? Yes. I mean, I don't know. That's kind of a personal... Yes, yes. When you see that pyramid, you know,

you can't help but... want to lay your lady down in a dune. Oh, I have a piece of business. So much slavery made this happen. Too soon for slavery jokes? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That's what I say every time I'm using my iPhone, guys. I have a Windows phone.

I actually have a piece of business that I want to get out of the way. Ashkahn found $5. First of all, if you lost $5, tough shit. It's now part of a classic bit. Yeah. Ashkahn found $5, and he felt like it was, and I think this is to his credit.

Sure. He felt it was against the spirit of this occasion to pocket it. And so he handed it to me and said, do something good with this. Especially because this money doesn't work up here because up here they only use Confederate money. That's true. That was mostly for the two other black people. I've got to be honest.

All right. And that white guy Or that very very very Very light skinned black guy Mal is now signaling for a race riot What a bad time to start a race riot You take 40 people You take 40 people I'll take 40 people I'll take 40 people

We'll be dead in 10 minutes To be fair Most of us are pussies That's true To be fair To be totally honest I kind of think If that shit went down

Mariel over there In the back corner Would take one look At the numbers And be like I'm Dominican y'all Later She has that look about her take one look at the numbers and be like, I'm Dominican, y'all. Later.

She has that look about her. We'll talk about it at the Black People meeting later. That race traitor look? Yeah, some people have that. What? Some people have that race traitor look. You just heard Fred Armisen look, I call it. You just noticed that she was listening to Bjork earlier.

No, actually, I overheard her having a very enthusiastic and angry conversation about Fiona Apple. She's a lesbian. That's a whole other thing. Oh, then you know what? Then her lesbianism trumps her blackness. That works. Vicky Seltzer has a magnet board for that in his house, too. That works. I'm going to be there. I know it works. He has a magnet board for that in his house, too. One for stereotypes and one for his favorite Fast and Furious movies.

Can we, by the way, address the fact that the white guy who decided to be on your team is the one who is definitely dressed like a plantation owner? is definitely dressed like a plantation owner. I mean, he looks great, but the seersucker, the saddle shoes, the bow tie. He's even sitting like a plantation owner. Well, he's on our team, and we have the team owner. That's how it works. Oh, okay.

Okay. It works. Oh, okay. Okay. So he's Magic Johnson and you're the Dodgers. So we need to think of something to do with this $5.

Here's some idea. I mean, we could spend it on something. I thought that we could pay someone in the audience to do something embarrassing. That's another thing I thought of.

Oh, Jesus. We already have several hands shut up. They're like, this shit's expensive. in the audience to do something embarrassing. That's another thing I thought of. Oh, Jesus. We've already had several hands shot up. They're like, this shit's expensive. We've got to recoup. Yeah, consider it a rebate. I mean, I think maybe

something we could do is that, I mean, people do pay to come to MaxFunCon, but while you're up here, it is kind of a, you know, moneyless society.

All the meals are paid for and you don't have to buy anything. Everything's provided. Maybe this could be the start of a Twilight Zone episode where we introduce this one piece of currency into society and then by the end, everyone's killed each other.

Yeah, like we give $5 to Ken Roberts and then at the end, we see that Ken Roberts is the only one who end, we see that Ken Roberts is the only one who doesn't look like a pig man. And then they reuse the robot

from Lost in Space. I don't know, Kamau. You got any bright ideas? This conversation got way too Caucasian for me. I don't know what happened. I like paying somebody to do something embarrassing. I think that would be the... Just, I mean, were people just

ready to do anything, or did anyone, did someone have something specifically embarrassing in mind? This young lady has already dyed her hair green. Sorry. She is a teen in high school. I think that's acceptable. Oh, then that's absolutely acceptable.

Yeah. Once you turn 18, knock it the fuck off. I just swore. I'm sorry I swore at you, teen. I don't fucking care. Should it involve singing, dancing? Singing and dancing are the main things, right?

Those are the main things. If you're Hugh Jackman. And this guy right here is Hugh Jackman. No, he does absolutely Hugh Jackman. He's already a better Wolverine than Hugh Jackman, just by sitting right there. Xena can't do the booty jiggle thing. That's the only thing? You're doing all right.

The only thing I can't do. She's like, civil engineer. Yes. Okay, so who wants to see some singing round of applause? Pretty ambivalent. Who wants to see some dancing? Who wants to see some booty jiggling? Who wants someone's butt to shake?

What if we bring someone up here and ask them a really personal question and if they don't answer, then they don't get the $5. Oh, let's do that! Yes! Yes! Yes! Okay, so

we're not going to make anyone do this. So we will take a volunteer. You're among friends. No teens. No teens allowed. No teens allowed. Okay,

Zena's really into this, so Zena, come on up and take a seat right here. When I said a single really personal question, I may change the rules at any time. What should we start with in our series of personal questions that we're going to ask Serena? It's just one, right?

I'm an open book. Well, we'll see. Okay. I'm feeling bashful. Okay. Given the opportunity, which person here at MaxFunCon would you would you most

like to be intimate with? And just to be clear, no Dominicans. In other words, the usual rules apply. And I just want to add one more thing. When I say intimate,

I'm not talking about, like, for example, a film that seems like it could also be a stage play like the new Wes Anderson movie. It feels close and tight. I'm talking about fucking. It can be... It can be...

P&V. It can be P and V It can be rubbing boxes together It could be rubbing butts together Whatever you're into You should probably clarify which kind you want to do it with What kind it is And remember you volunteered for this Later with what kind it is. And remember, you volunteered for this.

Later, later everybody meet at my cabin for light as a feather, stiff as a board. I don't know why I'm surprised by this. I don't know why I'm surprised by this, but I'm feeling really embarrassed right now. That's fair.

It's embarrassing. Yeah, it was very embarrassing. It was profoundly embarrassing. You can call it. You don't have to get the five bucks if you don't want to. Yeah, that's right. This is how valuable it is. I mean, let's talk about some shit she could buy with this. I was just at the dollar store. You could buy

five boxes that is a total of 60 Dr. Pepper flavored freezer pops. store, you could buy five boxes that is a total of 60 Dr. Pepper flavored freezer pops. Just for an example. Five bicycle lamps you could buy.

Five. Is this something that people really want to know? The people demand it. Live free or die! Live free or die! Live free or die! Okay, stop. Jews are robots!

Jews are robots! Jews are lizards! Jews are lizards! Don't kill me. I have a... I have five things you can buy at the dollar store. Okay. Five VHS tapes of the Men in Black cartoon.

So what do you got there, Zena? How are you feeling? Are you trying to decide who it is? Do you know who it is? My heart is pounding and I'm starting to sweat. Okay. That's good. I mean, you don't have to take the $5, but you should.

I mean, just to put the pressure on a little bit, do we have anyone who is willing to answer this? And you cannot say... Yeah, if you're fucking married or something, that's bullshit. If you're here with somebody... No, no, no, if you're married, you really probably have somebody else you want to have sex with. Yeah, the rule is... We'll change it.

If you're married... You have to say whoever it is other than your person. So if you can still participate, but you can't say the person I came here with. And you also can't say it if it's that bitchy lady at the desk. Because we all would like to fuck. Yeah. That's just a given. I mean, you can see how...

Because, you know, she would be being nice but bitchy and you'd be like... It's a power thing. It's a power thing. It's like Joan from Mad Men. Yeah. Exactly.

That's exactly what it's like. She has a little pen around her neck, too. Yeah, she does. I think it actually should also be a woman who does this, because no woman wants a guy to say that and have to deal with her for the next two days. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

No, you're right. You're right. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. I just want you to know that I'm not... Zena's up here. I think she's going to do it.

I think she's got it in her. I'm not a stalker. It's normal to have... to think people are attractive. Yes. It's normal to think people are attractive. Sounds like this $5 is coming his way. I'm not weird. I have lots of crushes.

I'm not a monogamous crush person. But Chris Fairbanks is really cute. Wait, give me $5. I drew some hearts on it. Hooray for Zeta! I'm actually Chris Fairbanks' manager. So I'm going to come to you with an offer.

We'll sit down with your people, and we'll hash something out. Points on the gross. I have to admit, I was a little bit like, well, that's... I think the only problem with doing that bit is it definitely leads to everyone at the entire conference being disappointed. Except for Chris Fairbanks.

Well, Kamau, thank you so much for joining us on Jordan Jesse Go. W. Kamau Bell, ladies and gentlemen. W. Kamau Bell. La, la, la, la, la,, Jillian, Jillian. I'm going to say Jillian Jacobs. Thomas Lennon, stop by on this week's Comedy Bang Bang program, along with main guest Zach Galifianakis. It's a great show. You should watch it.

Fridays at 10, 9 Central on IFC. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love You know, we're not the only Max One podcasters here. My brother, my brother, and me are doing a show tomorrow. Sure. Meir doing a show tomorrow. But we actually have a couple of very special guests here in addition to my brother and me from the Max Fun family. Do you think we should bring them on stage? I don't know.

Let's consider not doing it. Please welcome our pals from Throwing Shade, Brian Safi and Aaron Gibson. I learned a thing or two about a thing or two in that video. Yeah, well, it's highly educational. This whole operation is educational. Learned a lot. Yeah, it's or two in that video. Yeah, well, it's highly educational. This whole operation is educational. Learned a lot.

Yeah, it's a whole, if I could describe it, it's sort of like a wannabe comedian plug. Yeah. How are you guys doing? This is your first time out here in Lake Arrowhead at Max Fun Con. How are you feeling about it so far? Oh, we're having such a good time. Yeah, loving it. What have you been up to?

Getting high. We watched the sharpening. Then we went to bitters. And then we did bitters. And then showered and then napped. And then we took a walk on the pier, which was really nice. And Brian didn't throw me off. No, we got in a fight about Rihanna, but we're cool now.

Wait, what was the nature of the fight? It wasn't really a fight. It was more discussion of what's happening. Why is she taking pictures of syringes? We don't know what's happening. So where was the disagreement? We were disagreeing over what to talk about in regards to Rihanna. I would have picked, isn't it weird that she's in Battleship? Yeah.

Well, you know, they... It makes sense to me. Yeah, it makes sense to me, too. Fuck both of you. Jesus Christ. Listen. I could see why you were arguing. You guys are such pills.

Oh, you think the movie would have been good without her? I only... I'm just saying it's weird. She's never acted in anything. The only good movies historically are with musicians turned actors. Everyone knows this. Listen, Brian, we all love glitter, okay? That's a given.

That's all I'm saying. Look, God, I hate the both of you. Battleship would have been good without Rihanna. Yes. We all agree on that. But, wait, would it have been Oscar-worthy without Rihanna? I say no. Well, Taylor Kitsch has a pretty proven track record for awesome at this point.

So I feel like, yeah, it would have been. Also, did Liam Neeson know he was in that movie? I think all of Liam Neeson's movies just blend together to him. I think he just feels like he's on one long shoot where he's glowering and then punching someone in the neck. Yes. Yeah, I think there's a scene in Battleship where he's throttling

an alien and he just yells, give me back my daughter! You wolf! Liam Neeson's clearly an alien. Yeah. Well, I'm really excited to have you here.

I guess this is the question that I was wondering if there was any way that we could answer today on this program. Jordan and I have been working together. I mean, I just saw

how close your two minds are. I mean, the two of you were basically ending each other's sentences like twins. Yeah. Jordan and I... Jordan and I, I mean, we're also

quite close. We've been working together now for like 11 years, 10, 11 years. And I kind of think that Jordan and I... Has a big dick. Finishing your sentences. I kind of think that Jordan and I

has a big dick. You kind of think. Jordan and I has a big dick. You kind of think. Totally grammatically incorrect. I know how much Jesse loves nonsense. I kind of think it is my theory, my assertion if you will, that

Jordan and I know each other better than you two. Here's why I think, I know you guys have known each other better than you two. Not possible. Here's why I think, I know you guys have known each other longer, but the fact remains that Brian and I both like dicks. So that's a bond that you guys... Jesse and I both love pussy. Oh, that's true.

So what about that? And it's basically all we talk about. Eating pussy, fucking pussy sounds like you know each other really well jordan come on we're trying to do a clean comedy show sorry it's funny because of the rest of the show um um i wish there was some way oh we could settle this. What's your other theory? That because Brian is gay and I'm a lady, we talk about things more than straight guys. Wait, hold on. Brian, you're gay?

Well, not for nothing, but yeah. You're gay for pussy. I'm gay for pay. So if anyone here has two dollars, I will fuck you. No big deal. Oh, man, we should have used that fiver to have somebody fuck somebody. Well, I was going to say something.

Zeta, give it back. You know what? I would fuck three people for $5. Wow. That's a bargain. Two for one, three for five. I'm not fucking you. Let's do it.

I'm ready. Brian just doesn't want to fuck you because he's mad about... I'm not competing with Chris Fairbanks. Are you kidding? No. Why would you? Yeah. That Chris Fairbanks grew up artsy in Missoula, Montana.

You do not want to fuck with him. No. He's been through a few things. Sure. Well, I have an idea,

but we would need one more person to help us out. Shirley MacLaine is here. Wait. Brian, you're gay? No.

We've mentioned Rihanna and Shirley MacLaine guys we've all we all love and know Terms of Endearment we all know how Deborah Winger farted in Shirley

MacLaine's face this is the no money she owns she owns that dining room table she took it home Shirley MacLaine said

I love this table from Terms of Endearment The saddest movie In the world Can I please put it In my home See what I'm saying So uh

Game on Is basically I gotta I gotta just want you guys To do that For a couple more minutes Can we just leave And let you guys

Yeah Take over Finish this thing out Okay Dancing in the Light Is her best book You'd say that's The pinnacle of her oeuvre you guys finish this thing out. Okay. Dancing in the Light is her best book. You'd say that's the pinnacle of her oeuvre. I thought it was the best one.

Better than Out on a Limb, and that was a movie. We can talk more about it later. Just come up to me. Well, listen. Brian, have you read her spy fiction? I have. It's just her looking for pixie cut wigs. It's amazing.

In Russia. Yes. In communist Russia. Behind the Iron Curtain. Spoiler alert, they're all in the basement of the Kremlin. I do have one idea for how we could settle this beef, this long-standing beef, once and for all.

A long-standing beef needs a really long setup. I didn't say that right. But we would need one more person up on stage. And we would need a little bit of music to bring him in. Ladies and gentlemen, the Persian R. Kelly. Please welcome to the stage, Ashkahn. You come out here with a plate full of sausages, you see me grab one, and then you go, oh, wait.

For all the folks listening at home, Ashkahn is doing some fun stage business with some hot dogs he found. Ashkahn, your script is down underneath the stage there, I believe. We're going to play the newlywed game. For those of you who don't know how... Yes.

Can I pull this off of the thing and rock it like an MC? Absolutely. All right, I'm going to do that. An MC who's wearing a snorkel on his head Might be doing that This is how the newlywed game works For anyone who doesn't know Ashkahn will be asking each of us

Pairs of newlyweds A question One of us will be trying to answer Guess what the other one will say We'll write it down on this piece of paper Then the other one will answer the We'll write it down on this piece of paper, then the other one will answer the question, and we will reveal what we wrote.

If we wrote the same thing as the person said, then we get a point. If we don't, then we'll probably just make a long string of dick jokes. I'm sorry, did you want to host this yourself? Sorry, Ashkahn. I didn't want anyone to get confused about the rules. You've got the questions in front of Sorry, Ashkahn. I didn't want anyone

to get confused about the rules. You've got the questions in front of you, Ashkahn. Why don't you start? Are we ready for this? Yeah, oh yeah. Are you guys ready?

Yeah, there we go. Do you want to stretch out a little bit? No, I'm good. No, I'm good. Do you guys need a stretch? There you go. We're ready.

All right. Don't let me down guys Okay I'm just kidding No it's fine Is it okay that I put Your dumb sausages Right there

No Oh Ashkahn Eat those sausages From the hot tub That made the worst noise I've ever heard in my life It was like a potato chip And I don't understand why

Yeah Wow Ashkahn Could you do me a favor Could you bring a plate and I don't understand why. Ashkahn, could you do me a favor? Could you bring a plate of sausages on stage and then put them just dead center so they'll distract from everything else that happens throughout the show? Just so no one else can think of anything. I love these sausages.

Oh, man. I love you sausage eggs Oh man Are any of the hot tubbing folks still here? I don't know There's one It was a small group, we were bobbing for sausages It was amazing Hot link That's besides the point, we have a newlywed game to play Is this my water or yours?

Mine now. I don't give a shit. This is a hot link. We're sharing up here. Okay. I'm going to write first for our team. And I'll write first for our team. All right, great.

Yeah. Great, great. Okay. Let's see here. What animal does your co-host remind you of? What's the newlywed music? Is there music for the newlywed show? Does anybody know how it goes?

There we go. Thank you. That's crazy how you guys made that happen like that. Cut. Do we have our answers decided on? I'm ready. All right. All right.

Okay, so now we are going to go ahead and ask Aaron and Jordan what they thought their co-host wrote for them. Why don't we start out with Jordan? So this is what animal I remind Jesse of. This is what animal you remind Jesse of. What do you think he thinks you remind him of? I never knew the newlyweds was such an

intensely complicated game. Who knew? And most importantly, remember to answer in the form of a question. I give up. My vowel. It's fine. I think Jesse said

that I remind him of one of those deers that smashes through a store window and then freaks out and messes up everything in the store. Jesse?

What was it? I wrote, he reminds me of a curly gerbil bear. A curly gerbil bear. So, judges, does that count? No, I don't think that counts. No. Sorry. If I had written, like, a straight gerbil bear, straight a straight hair gerbil bear,

but... A lot of regrets over there. No points for you. What about over here on the throwing shade side of business? I'm going to guess that Brian might have written this thing that he made a joke about on one of our podcasts about a tiger and a horse being mixed together.

Just because... A Taurus, yeah. Because A, Brian loves his own jokes. And B, he likes to then say them again out loud. It's the second most terrifying thing next to a bear shark, which is the absolute most terrifying. Because it's a shark that runs on land.

I didn't say that. I said ostrich or hippo because I figured either one was a compliment. I couldn't go wrong. So no points for either team on that round. No points so far. This is cool. While we're talking about animals,

would you rather bathe with a monkey or a penguin? This is non-canonical. This has nothing to do with the game. But a shower. A shower with a monkey or a penguin? A penguin. A penguin. Penguin?

What about you guys? I don't know. I'm concerned that both would go straight for the nuts. Right? Can we get a quick audience response on that question? If you would rather shower with a penguin, make some noise.

That was fierce. If you would rather shower with a monkey, make some noise. I think they're just embarrassed because a monkey seems more human. They don't want to be naked in front of it. Maybe that's it. I, in a strange way, am freaked out

by the sliminess of a penguin. I feel like it would creep me out, and it would seem so alien-looking that I would really freak out. Has nobody heard that This American Life, where John Hodgman gets in a fight with a penguin, them shits are vicious. They seem like they're not vicious, but they are. That's what I'm talking about.

I've seen video where they hug. A monkey hugs a penguin? No, penguins hug a person. How do they even become friends? Penguins hug a person. Probably church. Google penguins. You can bring a lot of people together.

All right. Higher power. All right, I've got to reel in the ship, right? I'm the host. That's what hosts do. Right. They reel in the ship. Right.

Yeah. Is that what happens? They talk about what hosts do. All right. I'm good at this then. All really know shit. Right. Yeah. Is that what happens? They talk about what hosts do. All right. I'm good at this then. All right. Let's see. How would you rate your co-host's podcast breath?

Oh, wow. Is this a numerical scale or like a food it smells like? Yeah, I don't know. I like food. Food it smells like? Yeah, I don't know. I like food. Food it smells like? Okay, yeah, sure. The food that it seems like they most recently ate. I mean, I initially was just thinking like pleasant versus not.

It would give you guys a better chance of getting it, but maybe it's more creative to get into the actual food. Okay. You guys interpret it as you will. Okay. I'm ready. All right. Okay, Jordan's ready. I was circling it. Okay. I'm ready. All right. Okay, Jordan's ready.

I was circling it. Okay, we're ready. Okay, we're ready. We're ready. Why don't we, this time we're going to start. Yeah, Aaron's breath smells pretty good. It's sort of. No, this is about your breath.

Oh, my breath? Oh, my breath smells really good. I would say it usually smells like, I don't know, like nachos combos. Nachos combos. Which is delicious. Good answer! Good answer! Good answer! Good answer! It is a good answer.

He's playing it safe, though. You're never going to win when you play it safe. You gotta take some risks. I went for total accuracy and I said Trenta green tea fresh. Because Brian drinks five or six Trenta... said Trenta green tea fresh because Brian drinks five or six Trenta 80 ounces of green tea a day like a fucking

monster alright alright alright over here I think I didn't like about that whole okay Over here. That's the thing I didn't like about that whole experience. Okay.

So I think that Jordan thinks my breath smells like... Here's the thing. I recently got one of those things that puts bubbles in water. You know, like you got a jug of water at your house, you put bubbles in it with... Soda stream. You got it. And I wasn't going to buzz market them, but whatever. I am going to say that he says that my breath smells like burps.

I said, pussy? Pussy? And that is a point for Jordan and Jessica. Our breasts will never smell like pussy. Erin, you're still in college a little bit. Yeah. We have time for a couple more questions? I had a pussy breath phase in college. Yeah,

let's do one more. Let's do two more. All right, a couple more. All right. Switch back to your writing duties. All right.

What movie star does your co-host like the most? Oh, what movie star does my co-host like the most? Okay.

Can I whisper it to him? I don't think that would be fair. Oh, that's not the rule? That's not fair. That wouldn't be fair. Okay, I'm ready. You ready? Yeah, just about.

Oh, God, you're drawing something. Oh, am I going? Where do you want to start? Let's start over here. I didn't know. I wrote Tina Turner. I have to guess first. Oh, shit.

I've been sipping that special Kool-Aid. Was I right? Was I right? We can get a point here. I mean, you were fucking right. All right. She was going to say, were you going to say Tina Turner? Huh?

What? Totes? Yeah, yeah. She loves Tina Turner. One point for throwing shade. It's all tied up. You still got to get over here. So, Jordan, what movie star

do you think that Jesse said you liked the most? Alien or Predator. Alien or Predator. I might, I think I'm going to go with my old reliable Jason Statham. That's a good answer because I wrote Statham? That's a good answer because I wrote Statham!

Hey! Hey! Hey! All right. You know, I know you... Death Race remake. Death Race remake. Hey!

Jesse, look, I know you said only like one more. I feel like we're just hitting our stride. What if we get fast and we do a couple more? Okay, okay. I feel like we're really getting into thiside. What if we get fast and we do a couple more? Okay, okay. I feel like we're really getting into this right now.

You guys ready for a couple more lightning round? I want to really figure some shit out right now. Let's go. Yes, I was molested. Okay. Breakthrough. Breakthrough. It's okay.

It's okay. It's okay. Okay. Close your eyes. Close your eyes Close your eyes What color are your co-host's eyes? Oh fuck Oh no They're closed

Oh Wait this is so weird now You making this noise makes you think that I don't know. I already wrote it. This is suddenly turning into a trust exercise. Okay, so let's start over here with Jordan and Jesse Go.

Jesse, what color eyes do you think Jordan thinks you have? Is this really how the newlywed game goes? Or did we botch this up? This can't be real I think that Jordan knows That because I'm full of shit My eyes are brown Just wrote pussy again

Alright Just wrote pussy again. Alright. It's my favorite color. Over to the throwing shade folks. Yeah, brown. I mean, obviously, right? I mean, mine are, obviously, right? Yeah, brown. I know they are, but I wrote blue-green.

Okay. Wait, in our defense, we don't hug, so there's no reason to look at each other in the face. We don't. We get very intimidated. Look how we're talking, Al. We don't even... I feel awkward. Alright, so what's the score?

Who knows? You're the host. I'm not the kind of guy who says what hosts do. We got two over here for Jordan and Jesse Go. We got one over here for Throwing Shade. And we're going to do two questions at once to finalize this. So they do have a chance to come back and steal this win. If you get two right, they get neither. So we're going to go with two questions.

We're going to answer... Let's see. Okay. Describe recording an episode of your podcast through the title of one of these magazines. Time, life, or 17? Okay, so that's question one. I'll let you marinate on that for a second

and then I'll pick another one here. Let's see. Just for people at home, he's reading. That's what I'm doing now. I'm reading now. So many hosts spend so much of their time hosting these days.

If your co-host was a superhero, what superhero would he or she be? It's what she thinks what superhero she'd be. I have no fucking idea anymore. So this is what superhero Jordan thinks I would be. Wait, no. No, no, no, no. This is what superhero you think Jordan is and he's going to guess what superhero

you think he is. And don't forget the magazine question. Is the answer to any of this Tim Blake Nelson? There's four sausages that have not been bitten into. I'm just saying, just to fill some dead air. But there are four crunchy sausages. I'm ready. Ready for some molars.

That's true. And there's four of you. No, that's not what I'm saying. That's not the point I'm making. All right, are we ready? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so as far as the magazine title,

I think Jesse said 17, because that's the ideal age of our listeners. Unfortunately, no. I said life, because every time we record, it's sort of like a pictorial on the Kennedy assassination. All right, should we go on to the next question? Maybe we'll go this team.

Yeah, we'll go over to this team. Brian said 17 because we love fashion and Justin Bieber. No, I said Time Warner Cable. Because it's a lot like the TV Guide channel. It's not as bad as ATT Ubers. No. All right. So, glad we got that out.

So, how about the second question, the superhero question? I don't really know any superheroes, really, for women except Wonder Woman, and I don't think she'd say that. That's exactly who I would say. Linda Carter? I wrote Mrs. Control Top. What about... What about... What about...

I would have said safety woman. That's a callback to last night, ladies and gentlemen. Brian, can I say the joke you said about safety woman last night? Yeah, I don't... The scariest thing about her was that her voice didn't change. At all. It was so creepy.

She had this different outfit but her voice was exactly the same. She could have at least Batman'd it. Anyway. I kind of think that Mrs. Control Top

is good enough for a point just one way or the other. I agree. I agree. I agree. So that ties it up. All tied up at two so it all comes...

What a coincidence that that brought a lot of drama to the proceedings. That's some good hosting. All right, everybody. Give me snare drums on your laps. All right. So what superhero... Jordan, what superhero do you think Jesse thinks you are? This is for all the beans, isn't it are this is for all the beans isn't it this is for all the beans louder snares they probably wouldn't laugh again if i said pussy okay i'm gonna go earnest

answer i'm gonna say spider-man i think we could win with Spider-Man Well Jordan I'm not afraid to say that what I wrote down on this paper was Pussy Pussy Thank you so much Thank you Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

You've had music. Oh, man. Anyway, this is just a part of the show where we try and, I don't know, like, what are you doing later, Jordan? You got any plans? Boy, I sure don't. Makes it hard to casually banter when we have to pull this mic back and forth. You know, yeah, I don't really. I'll just settle in.

Get the old Saffy special. That's really cute. Boy, Jesse, I sure don't know what I'm doing later. I guess I'll just call it a night early. Yeah, I don't know. We should really think of something to do. I wish there was, I don't know what I'm doing later. I guess I'll just call it a night early. Yeah, I don't know. We should really think of something to do. I wish there was... I don't know. Maybe...

I have an idea. Okay. That graphic says brainstorm. Yep. Let's go backstage and brainstorm. See if we can come up with anything to do later on this evening. Ashkahn, will you just kill some time?

Yeah. I guess. Thanks, Ash. I guess. So I guess that was... Was that a tie? I was unsure of who ended up... Yeah, I think it was a tie.

That's so fair. It's a little forfeit. Anyway. See you, Thomas. Thanks. At the Warriors game Friends and family Free sausages Snuck in Jimmy Bean

Warriors won the game 127-119 Called my homie up, said, yo, what's happening? He said, there's a party going down on the west side. What you gonna do? You should come on through, say, get us some, all right. Oh, yeah, he said. Just one more thing, he said.

You better bring a couple girls, because it's a sausage fest. God damn it, all right, I'll see what I can do. Whatever it takes to do what you know that I wanna do. Hot tubbing on the late night. Yadda da mean, yadda da mean, yadda da mean. Oh, oh, hot tubbing on the late night. Yadda da mean, yadda da mean, yadda da mean Oh, at the sausage fest

Wasn't having fun Not enough buns, not enough huns Wasn't gonna get none So I had to go To the liquor store And get a full old before the store closed Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Nice part, but her teeth was busted

Wasn't for me, yada to me, no, no What am I gonna go? Where am I gonna do? All I wanna do is find a place to Get into a hot tub Hot tub and all you need night Yada to me, yada to me, yadda da mean, yadda da mean. Oh, oh, hot tubbing on the late night.

Yadda da mean, yadda da mean, yadda da mean. Oh, I got my cell phone out. I started making calls. Unlimited nights and weekends got me calling all my bros. Hey girl, what you doing right now? I got an idea that you can't turn down. What's the big idea?

She said, what are you talking about? I told her, grab a couple towels. You're about to find out. What about Stacey? We was gonna watch a movie. We can bring along Stacey. We can all jump in a hot jacuzzi. Uzi, Uzi, Uzi.

Now all three of us cruising. Looking for a place to do this. Where we gonna find a jacuzzi? Pulled into the Motel 6. It's after pool hour, so we hop in the fence. First I take my shoes off, then I'm dropping my pants. Turn the bubbles up and get in Time to romance

Hot tubbing on the late night Yadda da mean, yadda da mean, yadda da mean Oh, oh, oh I'm hot tubbing on the late night Yadda da mean, yadda da mean Help me out one time, help me out now Hot tubbing on the late night Yadda da mean, yadda da mean, yadda da mean. Help me out one time, help me out now. Hot tubbing on the late night. Yadda da mean, yadda da mean, yadda da mean.

Oh, oh. Hot tubbing on the late night. Yadda da mean, yadda da mean, yadda da mean. One more time now. Hot tubbing on the late night. Yadda da mean, yadda da mean, yadda da mean. Oh, oh. Hot tubbing on the late night.

Yadda da mean, yadda da mean. One more time. Clap your hands. Hot tubbing on the late night. Yadda da mean, yadda da mean, yadda da mean. Oh, oh. Hot tubbing on the late night Yadda da mean, yadda da mean Yadda da mean, oh

Thank you, Ascon, the Persian Arcade! Ladies and gentlemen! Thank you, Max Funcon! Ashkahn! Ashkahn, ladies and gentlemen! Hey, Jesse, Ashkahn's song gave me an idea of something we could do tonight! You know what? It gave me an idea of something we could do tonight, too! Settlers of Catan!

could do tonight too. Settlers of Catan! Special thanks this week to everyone who helped out at MaxFunCon, all of our guests. And a quick reminder, MaxFunCon East is coming up in October in the Poconos, a short drive from New York City, Philadelphia, and other points on the eastern seaboard. You can find more information and get your tickets at maxfuncon.com.