Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 229: Home Broasting with Jimmy Pardo

Episode Date: June 25, 2012

Jimmy Pardo joins Jesse and Jordan for a discussion of nightmares, brain Botox, kettle corn, and Dylan going electric.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Solomon, friendly, go.

We're joined by the hilarious Mr. Jimmy Pardo. And we talk about broken dreams, nightmares, and of course, kettle corn. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Beautiful day in Los Angeles. Enjoyed looking at the ducks, the geese, and of course the goslings on the lake. Is that the plural of gosling? Goslings?

Any coots? I did not see any coots, but I did see a few loons. Well, can you try? I mean... And also birds. Am I right? Oh boy. Holly weird. They I right? Oh, boy. Holly weird. They call it that for a reason. Anyway.

What did you think of that nightmare laugh? I'm trying that out right now. Well, it was nightmarish. Good. I just want to haunt your dreams. Here's the situation that I'm in. Well, I'm going to hold this for a second because let's introduce our guest. At some point, he's going to figure out how

headphones work. He is one of the funniest guys that exists. He's the reason that we got a non-home studio. He's the reason that we moved into our own office. He's the host of the only comedy podcast that I

always listen to every week without exception and have been doing so for some four or five years now, six years now. I'm older than I remember. He is. You went into that fugue state for a while, though, right? I was in a fugue state for a while, but I always made sure to listen to Never Not Funny. Mr. Jimmy Pardo. How are you, Jimmy? Now, when you say I am the reason that you guys moved into an off-site studio.

It's because. You did not want to be embarrassed by my showing up at your old studio? No, I'll tell you why, Jimmy. Well, I mean, it was the constant sexual advances at Jesse's wife. What? Why was that a problem? She was obviously asking for it. And I just was responding to what I was receiving.

Now I feel uncomfortable. I feel like I've done something wrong. Jimmy, I feel, I think that the last time you were on Jordan, Jesse, go. Yeah. You, by the time it was over, I was concerned you might literally die. Well, I'm allergic to dog and cat. You've got one of those. I now have two dogs.

Dogs. Yeah, two dogs. And I just remember everything. You've got three cats now? Dog. Right. That's the guy. You're a python man, Jesse.

You have a terrarium. Say hi to your son. Sarah, is it? How old is your son? Ten months. Ten months. You'll love it man, Jesse. You have a terrarium. Say hi to your son. Sarah, is it? How old is your son? Ten months. Ten months. You'll love it. Ten months.

Yeah, I'm allergic to animals, and so I appreciate you. They're beautiful. Outside there's MacArthur Park. My wife set the over-under at seven on how many times I sing a line from MacArthur Park while I'm here. So let's assume that's one, even though I didn't sing one. But the reference to it is one. Six to go. Well, I think you should sing something to make it really count.

Well, MacArthur Park is melting in the moon. There you go. Done. Done. Jesse, may I be permitted to sing some lines from the Weird Al version, Jurassic Park? I'd rather you didn't, but go ahead. Wait a minute. Is that real?

It is real, yeah. That is the Weird Al parody of MacArthur Park. And this Jurassic Park is frightening in the dark. All the dinosaurs are running wild. Does he still think, oddly enough, I've heard that version. He still includes the, and the old man playing checkers. He still uses that. Wearing striped pants.

Greatest line in history music. And the old man playing checkers wearing striped pants. And Weird Al includes that. I'm much more familiar with the song Rock Creek Park by the Blackbirds than I am with the song MacArthur Park. MacArthur Park was a huge hit. The recently deceased Donna Summer did a disco version of it, went to number one. Look. May not have gone to number one.

Be that as it may, I know the Blackbirds song. Doing it in the park. Doing it in the park. Doing it in the park. Oh, yeah. Rock Creek Park. Oh, yeah. Well, I know Detroit Rock City, if that's the game we're playing. Yeah, sure.

Why not? It sounds like you're just, so anything with park, is that the game? I mean, let's be clear. So that I went rock. I built off rock. Yeah. So just we're assonance. We're like things that sound similar.

Not exactly rhymes. I'll play that game. Sure. I'll do it all damn day. I want to get back to the issue of nightmares, Jordan. Yes. Do you guys want to know the worst nightmare I've had recently? Yes.

It involved, the nightmare was me sitting on my couch, and my cat was being very mean to me. Oh, no. Hissing. Not bug. Bug, my cat, and biting when I tried to touch her. And then I woke up terrified and then felt bad that that's one of the things I'm the most afraid of. Like, what if the cat is mean? Now, when you say cat, you really just have a friend of yours that dresses up in a cat costume like that Wilfred, right?

Well, I mean— Hangs out with you? I have a furry sex partner. Love it. He is a furry. I am not. So I allow him to dress up as a cat. And you play along?

You indulge his fantasies? Oh, yeah. His fetishes. I dangle a bit of yarn above my penis. I just assumed that you meant he bats at it. He bats at it. And then I ejaculate. I just assumed you meant cat in the sort of Maynard G. Krebs sense.

You know, a guy in a beret who snaps instead of applauding. Boom. Hipster. Absolutely. Beatnik. Jazz guy. I went to the nurse practitioner with regard to my migraine headaches. You went to the NP?

Yeah, absolutely. May Lynn is her name. May Lynn NP. That's her television series from the late 70s. You don't watch that show? Hey, why not? Mei Lin is her name. Mei Lin NP. That's her television series from the late 70s. You don't watch that show? Hey, why not? Throw it on.

I'll watch that. So you went to see Mei Lin. What is it? Mei Ling? Mei Lin. Mei Lin. Mei Lin. She's a good lady.

Nurse practitioner. Yeah, absolutely. Murder. How old of a lady is Mei Lin? Can I guess? Yeah. 33. I'm going to go 45, Jimmy.

Oh, she's an older lady. May Lynn sounds young. She's older than 33. She's a healthy 45. She's 45. May Lynn sounds like a young Asian. Keeps herself fit. Is that right? She's in good shape?

She's in great shape. Yeah. Yeah, very fit young woman. Have you ever considered doing the show over in her office? I'd like to meet this thing. I'd like to meet this fit Asian. I'm not allowed in your home anymore. Maybe we could head over to the NP's office.

Sure. So I had gotten off of the most recent migraine prophylactic medication that I had been taking. I've been going through all these different migraine prophylactic medications. And I think we talked on the MaxFunCon episode about how I'm going to get migraine Botox in my head. They're going to Botox the top of my head in order to paralyze the muscles so it keeps me from getting migraines or something. Let me ask you a question. Now, I don't follow the medical world like I used to. I used to read the journal.

You know that. Is that real what you're talking about? Or is that a bit? 100%. No. The Botox brain thing is real? Yeah. Is that real what you're talking about? Or is that a bit? A hundred percent. No. The Botox brain thing is real? It is. It seems like it should be a bit.

And I'll tell you, when your nurse practitioner brings it up, you're not sure if she's doing a bit. Now, May Lynn doesn't have a sense of humor. No, she's a serious woman. Yes. It was a bit when she suggested the vaginal tightening. Yeah. That was the bit. She is a funny lady.

She is fun. She'll open with something serious, but she'll throw in a capper. Yeah. Yeah. So let me ask you this. When you say Botox for the brain. Yes. Which, by the way, is without a doubt Loverboy's best help.

Walk me through what that means. Because I may have thought you were doing it. Because you said you did it at the convention. You talked about it. It sounded like maybe it was a callback to a joke. Sure. No. It is legit. It is a real thing that they are really going to do to my head in August.

They put Botox, botulism, toxin is what Botox stands for, injections into muscles in my head. Like on my scalp, on the ridge of my scalp, the sides, like my temples and the back of my neck to paralyze various little muscles because they think that basically they had people get Botox for cosmetic reasons. And it helped the migraine. And it helped their migraines. And so they did some whatever longitudinal studies. And if you have chronic migraine, which is if you get a lot of them, which I do, then it's an effective treatment for chronic migraine to paralyze your brain.

But apparently, just like the other kind of Botox, just like cosmetic Botox, it starts out working really well and then fades over the course of the six months or so because you can only get it every six months. So I don't know. We'll see what it's like. You know what? Even if it lasts four months, that's a better four months than what you're living now. So I don't know why you're waiting. Why are you waiting? I have Kaiser and you call and they give you an appointment in a few months.

Nice. Very good. Now, Jesse, you mentioned that it's going to affect the ridge of your skull. Yeah. Now, you know I'm an endophenologist. Yeah, sure. If it changes the size of your skull ridge, are you worried that you'll become sexually violent?

Is that a concern? Yeah, I mean, that certainly is something I've considered. I've done some checking of the bumps and ridges. Sure. I've consulted with a, no offense, Jordan, but a professional. No, I mean, I'm just a... That seems fair, Jordan. It's a hobby of mine.

I mean, we all know a little bit about everything. You know a little bit more about some other things. Like, I know fantasy baseball a lot. Sure. But if you want to talk baseball, you're going to go to professional. Right. You're going to appreciate my input. I'm going to get on the horn with ESPN and say, give me Rob Neier.

Is that a new guy? No, it's a guy. Bobby N, go with him. Or you're friends with D.A. R.A. Dickey. R.A. Dic go with him. Or you're friends with R.A. Dickey. R.A. Dickey, my friend knuckleballer R.A. Dickey. 11-1 R.A. Dickey. So, Jordan, you're not offended that he went to a professional? No, no, I dabble in the weekends.

It's fine. Jordan's main thing is he's super into racial characteristics. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. to racial characteristics. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. I mean, he's into demonstrating that specifically South American people are inferior. Peruvians.

Yeah, Brazilians. Exactly. Are inferior to. Chileans. Most others. Yeah, most others. Most others. Based on the bumps on their heads.

They're predisposed to. And it's not, you know, it's not a cultural thing. No, it's about the bumps. It's about the ridges on their skull. It makes them lazy and sexually violent. Insightful. And so, yes, is the question

am I concerned about sexual violence? Yes. Will you become more like the lazy Chilean? Yeah, I mean that's always... To become more Chilean has always been a concern of mine. That's me, to become more Chilean has always been a concern of mine. That's me.

But, Jimmy, what the fuck are you doing? Jimmy, what are you doing? Well, yeah, I realized that was out loud. My OCD will not allow that cord to be doing what it's doing. You'll see that it's kind of overlapped. Okay, so one cord is pulling on and down. And it was driving me bananas, and I looked down, and I realized it's my headphones that's doing it. And you heard what I went, oh, that's mine.

Or that's me, or whatever I said. I apologize. Jimmy, how dare you interrupt this very fruitful, lazy Chilean bit. I'm trying to help. Yeah, thank heavens. No, no. I mean, that was about done. The lazy Chilean.

That's what they call paleo in his later years, right? Was he Chilean? Who cares? But why not? All right, come on, help me here. Again, they share certain fundamental characteristics based on the shape of their heads. Okay, so while you guys were working on this situation downstairs. We got it.

Boy, oh boy, that was easy. You got it. That was fantastic. You know what? I had me disconnecting nine cords to figure out that problem. That was Jordan just went, got it. Jimmy, you had an electric screwdriver. You were dismantling the recording box.

I'm shutting the whole thing down. I'm shutting it down, Jordan. And then I just saw you went, I got it. Like, oh, all right. It was easier. You're right. I'm into phrenology and untangling. Well, and wonderful.

What's that called? The mathematics about knots? That's the thing that you're into. Topology? I don't know what that is. I think it's called topology. The mathematics of knots. Topology?

Topology. Then what's maps? Topography. Topography. Or cartography. Graph drawing a picture. What's cartography? So cartography is maps.

Topography is like hills. It's maps of elevation specifically. What about top hats? Or rifts? Anything on top hats? That's a bit popular hat. Slashology. Yeah.

You're right. Yeah. See what I did? I went way too far. I went down the line of unfunny. Go ahead. Migraines. So I am actually getting this Botox in the meantime.

But they want to give me something so that when the Botox is wearing off in the latter months of the six-month cycle, there's still something supporting me. So one thing I'm going to do is acupuncture. And the other thing that I'm doing is taking melatonin supplements. I don't know if either of you

guys have ever taken melatonin supplements. Is that the thing? Tell me what that does. It's not the thing that colors your skin. That I have not done. Sure. Well, you did it because you've got vitiligo like Michael Jackson. I supported the King of Pop, as I know a lot of folks did during those hard times. Right.

Well, and you were auditioning for that role in the remake of Soul Man. I thought I did it. See, Tommy Howell has aged not very well and I thought I had an opportunity to break in. He'd do like a fun little cameo toward the end.

Absolutely. Sure. Right? And then he'd say, yeah. He'd come in and point at you and go,

amateur, and then he'd walk out and then he's a police officer or something. Yeah, yeah, sure. Yeah, sure. So I, great movie.

The other thing that I'm taking is these melatonin supplements, which melatonin is like the thing in your brain that makes you sleepy. And so I had taken them a couple of times when I was traveling internationally because you can take it. It'll make you sleep even when you're not sleepy. Then you can go to sleep at the time of the place that you're in and you wake up and it helps you with your jet lag. I had never taken it regularly.

And the thing about this stuff is, you know, like a lot of sleeping pills are sort of, I don't know, narcotic or something like they're super addictive and they have all these crazy things that happen. You wake up groggy and all these things. None of those things happen or at least have happened to me with this melatonin, even though I'm taking a very large dose now. But what does happen is you fall asleep like a fucking rock. Boom.

Just like a – it comes down like a hammer, Jimmy. You know me. I slice like a hammer. Absolutely. Absolutely. And the other thing about it is that I am a person who does not have a lot of dreams or at least does not remember his dreams. And I sleep reasonably well generally. But what happens is I wake up in the morning having fucking gone through a wonderland of dreamscapes every day.

And many of them are nightmares. And this is new for you. This is totally new for me. I mean, I had gotten a nightmare every few months. You know, like I guess someone. That often even? I mean, maybe not even like six months maybe. Not something where I wake up in a cold sweat,

but at least where I remember like, Oh, I had a scary, bad dream, you know? And now is seriously two or three times a week. I will have some, because I, I have all of these dreams that I never had before. And the shit gets really real.

Is it like personal stuff, like family member danger or, or, or it's nothing as bad as my cat, not liking me. Sure. Is it like personal stuff, like family member danger or monsters? Well, I mean, it's nothing as bad as my cat not liking me. Sure. Aha! I had a little resolution to that. Oh.

Is the next night I dreamed I had two cats and they were both nice. So I kind of made it up to myself the next night. The next night you dreamed you had two cats. That's crazy. And you had a threesome. Right, exactly. And I just dangled some yarn above my penis. Keep talking. And batted it at it. myself the next night you dreamed you had two cats that's crazy you had a threesome he writes exactly and i just dangled some yarn above my penis keep talking he batted it at it yes mittens is listening it starts to sound good right it starts to sound pretty good when he gets into

the deep it wasn't anything sexual just two kitties and they were both nice and love it i love cats wish i wasn't allergic to them no yeah no fun i can't even dream about them yeah oh wow you have sleep sneez wow. You have sleep sneezing? Yes, I have sleep sneezing. Very rare. I'm going to go talk to Maya Lin about it. Yeah. She's got a nice forehead, Rich.

Does she have a nice hair? It's tight. Tone. She takes care of it. You've seen Maya Lin? No. No, I haven't. Damn it.

That's in the world of this phrenology comedy bit. Damn it. That's in the world of this phrenology comedy bit. I dream about not having done my homework. This is a nightmare because I don't know if you know this about Jimmy. I'm sure Jordan does. I didn't do my homework as a rule. You mean in preparation for this program?

No, I mean, well, certainly. I thought that you were the host of Doug Love's movies. Oh, boy. This is going to be uncomfortable then. We're also going to play the Leonard Maltin game, right? We'll do that, and then we'll also do the new one, which I actually enjoy, that ABC game of his. Don't know it. Don't know it. You start with A, and you go around the room alphabetically thinking of a movie that begins with the alphabet until you're stumped, then you're out.

Oh, we don't start with. You do, because you've been a guest on the show. Oh, you guys have never been a guest on Doug Loves Movies? No. Oh, you'd both be, then you're out. Oh, we don't start with, you do. Because you've been a guest on the show. Oh, you guys have never been a guest on Doug Loves Movies? No. Oh, you'd both be wonderful guests on that program. I think it would be terrific. Yeah, we would be great. Well, you're welcome on any time.

We'll just pop by. Yeah, just pop by. We'll just say you said it's okay. Yeah, let them know. Let them know I gave the nod. But I never did any homework in school until I was into college. No, wait a minute. Can I ask you a question?

Yeah. Or at least that I can relate. Yeah. I did homework until maybe seventh grade, then boom, never again. Right. So, yeah, I mean, there was a- Did you do it as a young man because you thought- Through fifth grade, I could do the homework while the teacher was passing out the homework or equivalent.

And so my great challenge was can I hang on to that homework until the next day or whatever when you're supposed to turn it in? But I think the homework that you do through elementary school is trivial. And I certainly didn't do it at home. Like there was no time to do it at home. Like there was no like time to do homework at home or whatever, but I would just do it real fast while she was passing it out or whatever, and then just be done with it, leave it in my desk or something. But when I transferred to this, I transferred from a pretty regular school to a very fancy suburban private school. And this fancy suburban private school was much more demanding than I started it in sixth

grade. And that's when I swore off homework completely. I just stopped doing it at all. Love it. And I did. I mean, I did very poorly in middle school. Did not graduate from middle school. Well, that's just because that's when you got into Magic the Gathering.

Yeah, well, I was super into Magic. I certainly did my homework on Magic. I read a number of novelizations based in the Magic universe. Sure. About Sarah Angel. That's a card from Magic the Gathering, if I remember correctly. That's the only one I can remember. Besides, like, fire and water and forests, I think, was another thing.

What's my go-to Magic card, if I just need to mention one? That is really, when I say that, that is really, besides that I remember that there was elements that you had to tap, the only name of a card that I remember is Sarah Angel. That's good. That's a good point. You know what? That is good. I usually have one that I can remember if I need to make a joke about it.

I can't even remember that anymore. Yeah. So anyway. You're doing good. You're above the curve on that. I did not graduate from middle school. Jimmy, do you have a magic card that you bring up if you need to make a joke about one? I do not.

I've never had the opportunity. I did just sell a bunch of Magic the Gathering cards on eBay. That's a true statement. Where did they come from? I did an event for Kevin Pereira, where the gift bag- Our friend Kevin Sprinkles Pereira. Sure. I don't know nicknames.

I don't care to. where the gift bag... Our friend Kevin Sprinkles Pereira. Sure. I don't know nicknames. I don't care to. But we were given... In our gift bag, we were given a bunch of Magic the Gathering stuff.

Wow. And I went, well, I could either give this to somebody or... Make a couple bucks. Make a couple bucks. You don't want to maybe say maybe something your son might be into at some point? Oh, if he's into that, we're not talking.

You don't want to encourage him. He doesn't... I know Andrew doesn't like baseball cards. So in my head, I don't want to encourage him. He doesn't like baseball cards. So in my head, I just went, you know what? He doesn't like cards. Right. He's not interested in cards in general. He doesn't like the shape.

He doesn't like those nudie playing cards you got him either. Those are always fun to play war with. I know. It seems fun, but he wasn't interested. Again, I believe it's the shape and texture. He's not a fan. Can I ask what you got for these cards? I might be wrong.

$7,000? Wow. I'm wrong. That seems low these cards? I might be wrong. $7,000? Wow. I'm wrong. That seems low. Oh. I got ripped off. You know what I did do? And then I obviously want to get right back to your story, is one of them, I could not

sell one of them, so I threw him in with some other one that sold. And then I threw in the extra deck, and then the guy never wrote to say, hey, man, I think you accidentally put in an extra deck. Oh, yeah. So that I, hey, man, I think you accidentally put in an extra deck. Oh, yeah. So that I can go, no, I didn't. My pleasure. That's for you. Never happened.

And then I wrote him and said, hey, did you get that little surprise I threw in there? He goes, yep. Oh, fuck you. Oh, boy. Really? That's how we treat people? You wanted a nice, maybe nice. I just wanted a, hey, dude, thanks.

That was nice of you. Or at least in the comments thing, the review, what are those called on eBay? The feedback. Feedback. At least, great guy, threw in some extra cards. Something. Sure. Something that shows I'm a decent human being.

Right. Give me something in this world. Right. So what did your therapist think about this? Well, you know my doctor, right? Dr. Vinny. May Lynn. I don't go to May Lynn. about this? Well, you know my doctor, right, Dr. Vinnie? May Lynn? I don't go to May Lynn.

May Lynn is my, but she's my OTC. What did Dr. B have to say? Boom bots. Vinnie. Yeah. First name Vinnie. Listen, it's all about me getting recognition, and that's covered every week. My real therapist was tired of hearing about it.

Can I just ask real quick what else was in the gift bag? I'm curious, a gift bag that wouldn't contain magic cards, what else would be in there? Books. There were some books from the- Novelizations of comic books. Maybe more like something called Through the Wormholes. That sound like a book? Sure.

Sounds like a book. Sounds like something that would be in this gift. There were some books, some other things that like Kevin wrote the forward in. And then there were some, God, this will tell you where I am in my life. There was some wonderful facial cream. I forget the brand. A really nice cream. Murad, M-U-R-A-D maybe? Wow. I forget the brand. A really nice cream. Murad?

M-U-R-A-D maybe? Wow. I loved it. That's fantastic. Loved it. That's great. I mean, your face looks terrific. Can we agree?

I mean, I put some on before I came here. I don't know if you're still using it. Oh, I am. I'm running out. Supple. And then I looked at it. It's like 75 bucks in the cream. Did you love it as much as a Chilean loves sleeping in the middle of the day?

Lazy. The gay heavy metal album that you got for free in your Max Funcon gift bag the first year. I was not as enamored with that as my friend Pat Francis was, yet I was not as angry about it as my friend Pat Francis was. I never saw a man love and hate something so much in my entire life and was glad to not have to drive home and listen to that thing. What's the gay heavy-me-mill out? Pink Steel.

These super nice guys. Pink Steel. Yeah, there you go. These super nice guys. I mean, usually what we say is if you have a project, you're part of the Max Fund community, and you're willing to give us the 250 copies of it, we'll put it in the gift bags for people. We're not going to charge you if you're part of our crew and it's a creative thing. It's not like a business thing. So we put that in there.

In fact, it just came up on your show. It did. It came back up. Some years later. Because we were mocking Steel Panther, were we not? Yeah. Then somehow Pink Steel got involved. The idea of the joke heavy metal band, especially the hair heavy metal band, is very fraught.

Thumbs down. But this one, this is a gay version of that. Yeah, which I'm, you know, listen, that's your lifestyle. You want to sing about it, do it. Sure. Okay.

It all came in a messenger bag that had a small amplifier on it that you could play the strap of the messenger bag. Wow. This is at Kevin Sprinkles Pereira's. That's correct. I thought that that would get great money on eBay.

And I'm tired of trying to list it. Yeah. No interest in that. So you got a pretty nice chunk for the magic cards, though. You know what? Only because I didn't know who to give them. I would have rather just give them to somebody. Yeah, yeah.

I really don't like taking stuff from a free bag and benefiting from it. But if somebody said it, yay, my nephew's in the Magic of the Gathering, boom, here's a box full of stuff. Oh, yeah. But I just want it out of my house and I don't want throw it away, and I don't want to drive to Goodwill. Right, sure. Goodwill. I said it delivered that as if it was important comedy. I don't want to drive to Goodwill.

Then you get a big laugh from people. Nobody would laugh at that. Like, I've been to Goodwill. Oh, I recognize that reference, idiot. Yeah, I mean, it's just like, you know, when you're on the road, it's like, well, I was just driving down Route 45. Everybody's got a Goodwill in their neighborhood. That's in Illinois, by the way, Route 45. Is it?

It goes right down. That's LaGrange Road. Just said route and said a number. Well, you picked a good one. Thanks. So I never graduated. I never graduated from middle school. I was socially promoted out of middle school, did very poorly in high school, or reasonably poorly. I mean, like, the thing is, is I went from a fancy, super fancy private school to

a public arts high school where, let's just say academics weren't the priority. And it was entirely possible to skate through and with a B average if you were reasonably bright. At one point, my AP physics teacher, the difference between regular physics and AP physics, advanced placement physics at my high school was the regular physics and AP physics, advanced placement physics at my high school was the regular physics students did every other problem in the book and the AP students did every problem in the book. Until the difference became that we didn't have to come to class as long as we showed up for the tests. In high school? In high school. And then that became we didn't have to, the AP students

of which there were three or four of us, I don't remember. We didn't have to come to the regular tests in as long as we came to the final exam. The only thing I heard in that whole thing was, I didn't do well. And then in my advanced placement class was the next sentence.

Somebody that's not doing well is not in the AP classes. You know that, right? No, that's the thing. Because of the nature of my school. I see. Very good. You see, you have to understand the nature of my school was, you know, this was a haven for misfits of various strokes. I mean, you have, there was no shortage of burnouts.

There was no shortage of, you know, gay kids that would have gotten beat up at other schools. There was, you know, every weird high school subcultural group except for jocks was represented at my school. There was one, but you guys all beat him up. And rightfully so. Sure. We beat him up with like Smith's albums or something. Guy shows up in a jersey, not on my watch. Yeah, so I think just by virtue of what they call aptitude, scholastic aptitude, I was placed in AP classes. Because obviously it was not more useful for me to be in a regular class than an AP class, but I would not do my homework at all.

And I still have nightmares about it. Still have nightmares occasionally about not doing my homework, but before it had been once a year. Now it's... Twice a week. Oh, boy. I'm back in it. Homework nightmare.

I'm back in it. Homework nightmares. Do you ever have any nightmares about anything else, Jordan? Yeah, no, I'm not a big dreamer either. I don't remember a ton of my dreams, but yeah, these two cat dreams were the only things that stuck out for me in the past couple of months.

Jimmy, this a concern for you? Nightmare dreams? Nightmare style dreams? You know, I've been watching, as I mentioned on my award-winning podcast, Never Not Funny, a lot recently is that I'm watching a lot of Criminal Minds. And I watch them right before I go to bed. I worked on the pilot of that show when it was called Quantico. Is that true? Yes.

I mean, I was like a PA. Oh, I didn't know that. I think Quantico, by the way, is a better name. I think it is, too. And I was disappointed to hear that they changed it. I love the program, and I blame you for the name change. Sure. It was my suggestion.

Is this the one with Joe Mantegna? Yeah. He took over from Andy Patinkin. Uh-huh. The Patink. That's right. We love him. You know we're fans. Sure. mantania yeah he took over for mandy patinkin aha the patink that's right we love him you know

we're fans sure uh but my most recent dream was uh my wife and i were being held hostage in a barn by a bunch of frat boys who were um uh beating us uh while we were you know strapped uh hanging by our wrists from the barn and then they uh they let us go and then we were escaping as they got back in their pickup truck to go look for new people to torture. And then they saw us again and in the dream I said, but you just let us go. And they went, did you really

think we were going to let you go? And back to the barn. Wow. For more snappy comeback. For more lashings. For sharp kids. Yeah. But I did wake up and like a holy fuck, you know. Shit's going down. Yeah. I've been watching, I've actually been watching more kind of hour, like network hour drama

type shows. I've been watching a little bit of like Law and Order and stuff like that. I'm trying to do some kind of new kinds of writing. So I'm kind of trying to see like how those shows are set up. I notice a lot of villainous frat boys in that kind of entertainment. There is a lot. That's a real popular villain. It's weird.

What kind of people do you think write television shows? People that hate frat guys. I always figured cool jocks. Yeah, right? But I don't think they're wrong. Look at the world. Look at this fellow, this Van Sloten. Is that his name?

Don't know. You talking about Andy Van Slyke? Oh, that's who? Don't know. You're talking about Andy Van Slyke? Oh, that's who I am. I'm talking about former pirate Andy Van Slyke and his son Scott Van Slyke, played for the L.A. Dodgers. Did play. Probably won't get another call-up this year. We wish him a lot of luck as we do all the Van Slykes.

Van Slyke, by the way, is that fellow that went after the werewolf, is it not? Yeah, sure. Why not? That's Van Helsing. I know a little something. It's Dracula. Don't you remember the time we went after the werewolf?

Remember that one time? I don't. Maybe this was some latter day. You're looking at new one hours. Look at that new one hour. I'm going to look at that. Yeah, yeah. It's a frat-pointing Van Helsing. Van Helsing fights the werewolf. You should know, Jimmy's new hour-long special is about who fights who in the world of Secret Monsters. Yeah, I don't know why you're challenging me on this. You've got to watch his new hour. This special is about who fights who in the world of Secret Monsters. Gotcha.

I don't know why you're challenging me on this. You've got to watch his new hour. This is my world, brother. What was my point? No, the kid that, the VanderSloot. Yeah. What is VanderSloot? Yeah, I don't know.

You're talking about a, you were going to allude to a villain in the news. He's the jock that did something villainous. He's the guy that, Holloway, Natalie Holloway. She went missing down in the, it's not the Bahamas, but somewhere. Oh, okay. This is this blonde teen that went missing in the – Yeah, then he was accused of killing her. He said he didn't, but then he went to Europe or something and then did kill somebody.

Oh, yeah. And admitted to it. Killed someone else. Yeah. Wow. So we're – I'm on the case apparently. And he's a frat guy. We're then pretty sure that he did.

He's a frat-ish guy. Okay. You know, an entitled white asshole. He's a backwards hat type. Yes. There's people still wearing backwards hats. My cousin, my cousin who's very nice, lives in Virginia. She posts pictures sometimes on Facebook of her, like, hanging out with her friends.

She's 24, 25. Often there will be dudes holding beers up with baseball hats on backwards. I did not know that still existed. It does. And I just saw a fellow 42 years of age that did it. Wow. Too old. Yeah. Turn that did it. Wow. Too old. Yeah.

Turn that hat around. And how. Right? Either take it off or turn it around. Yeah. That's what I say. Well, we've had fun talking about nightmares. Yeah.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, Jordan Jesse Go is supported by donations from people like you at MaximumFun.org slash donate and by IFC and Comedy Bang Bang Friday nights at 10, 9 central. It is comedy so nice that they banged it how many times, Jordan? Twice. That's correct. It's on the IFC television network. Scott Aukerman. Yes. Frequent Jordan Jesse Go guest.

Our friend and Jimmy's friend, Scott Aukerman. Jimmy's shaking his head. He changed his position on Scott Aukerman. He's now, Scott Aukerman. Jimmy's shaking his head. He changed his position on Scott Aukerman. He's now against Scott Aukerman. Mortal enemies. I also want to be clear that what I just said is sincere. That wasn't a joke of any kind. Certainly they're not good friends.

Friday nights, 10, 9 central on IFC and by Bing. Yes, absolutely. Bing. Now you can search in your social networks while you search the web. Get results from your friends on Facebook, Twitter, and everywhere else in the web all at once. That way you can spend less time searching and more time doing. Try it at Bing.com. Bing is for doing.

And, Jesse, can I make a suggestion? If you wanted to try out Bing for the first time and had not tried it. Well, I use Bing on my Windows phone, but for people in the audience, yes. Had not tried it. Try looking up a movie time on Bing. Very efficient. You get all your local theaters right there, all sorts of choices. And, yeah, all the trailers and stuff are right there.

It's a great way to search for movie times, among other things, but movie times in particular, I think. Sounds like Bing is for doing. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,ardo, podcasting pioneer. Yeah, Jimmy Pardo is a podcasting pioneer. It's nice to be sitting here with one of our podcast pioneer peers. Well, you know, I make mention of that as often as I can in interviews. I always bring you into the mix. It's true. People want to always label me, I'm the podcasting pioneer, and I always say Jesse Thorne was

doing it before me and helped us quite a bit and um you know held our hand at the beginning stages and but let's face it jimmy at this point in time we're both podcast pioneers no we blazed a trail yeah nothing else i mean they're just following in our footsteps i think it's weird how often in interviews you mentioned pioneer chicken. Well, you like something, you stand by it. Not like you fellas in that Bing program thing you were talking about. It's like how I'm talking about, it's like how I'm always talking about

broasting. I'm just really into broasting. Did you ever go to the Kenny Rogers broaster? Boy, that was delicious. Yeah, it's a good chicken. Are those gone? Do they have those anymore? I used to love the Kenny Rogers. Poor Kenny. That's a son of a, well, he took a gamble, it's a good chicken. Are those gone? Do they have those anymore? That's a shame. I used to love the Kenny Rogers. Poor Kenny. That's his son of a...

Well, he took a gamble. It didn't pay off. Come on, folks. You got to know when to fold them. You all right? And he do. Yeah, he do. It's time to fold them.

Fold the broaster. Fold the broaster. Fold the broaster. The corn was delicious. You know where I like to go? Where do you go? Papa Pollo. That's my recommendation.

Wait, that's right over... Is that right over here? That's a Pollo Campera. They're not bad. That's not a bad chicken. No, not at all. I pass a Pollo Campero every now and then, and I consider going in, but it's just never worked out time-wise. Have you ever been to Pollo a la Prasa? No. Pollo a la Prasa. That is premium. That's the Pollo. If you're looking for Pollo, you want to hit it. I've had some other Pollo, but it's just been a little too loco for me. And I go in and everything gets all loco.

Sure. Papa Pollo by my house, great place. For some reason, it closes at 7.30 p.m. It closes at 7.30 p.m. So I am constantly, constantly driving there to buy a chicken to be cooked, you know, that has been cooked for my family to enjoy. And it's like 7.40, a perfectly reasonable time to pick up what is definitely not a lunch food. Right. Closed.

Are they in a business area? Yes, but it's not a busy business area. No, and do you mean are they serving office workers? I guess that's what I meant, yes. Absolutely not. There's no offices where I live, Jimmy. Listen, I don't know where you live. It's not my business.

I've not been to your new location. Body shops, yes. Offices, no. Well, they've got to shut it down. They've got to go run the cockfight. So they can't. You know,, they got to shut it down. They got to go run the cockfight. So they can't. They got to move. Yeah.

They have to kill fresh pollos. If they're not at the cockfight, where are they going to get the chickens? Sure. They just magically appear out of an egg. That's my recommendations. For folks out there. El Pollo. What's the name of the joint? Papa Pollo.

Papa. Father Chicken. Papa Pollo in the, I guess it would be a Glassell Park neighborhood of Los Angeles. That's my first recommendation. Number two, if you're ever in Koreatown, you're going to want to hit up Pollo a la Brasa. Just bing it. Sure. If you're wondering the address, just go ahead and bing it.

You know, my family used to sit around every 23rd of December waiting for- Binging stuff? No, just waiting for Father Chicken to show up. And he would bring us our gifts every- Yeah, he'd fill your stockings with giblets. It was wonderful. He would show up and just- Delicious.

Father Chicken was just a wonderful time. The children would all gather around him. I remember the entire neighborhood would really just come out for it. Sure. And all the decorations. You'd drive down the street, all the decorations. Beautiful. And then you would slaughter him and cook him in a wood-burning oven.

We'd broast him. You'd broast him. That's how Rogers got the idea. Yeah. You had a home broaster. Absolutely. Yeah. You don't home broast?

Well, actually, it's funny you mention that. I grew up with a commercial broaster in the house. Really? Yeah. This was a time on the West Coast it was very difficult to get a home broaster. This was before they started selling them late at night in infomercials and so forth. So you had a commercial broaster? My mom went down to the restaurant supply store, the Kenny Rogers Restaurant Supply Store,

picked up a home broaster. It was huge. I mean, this thing was the size of a refrigerator. She also got a beard trimmer. Unnecessarily. Those were the two things. Well, they had a lot of trouble at the Kenny Rogers restaurants with employees and their beards.

Of course they did. Because they have to have just the right beard. Jimmy, this seems like something you may have done. Have you been to the Alice Cooper restaurant in Phoenix? No. There's an Alice Cooper restaurant in Phoenix, and. There's an Alice Cooper restaurant in Phoenix and all of the employees, or at least when I was there,

they had to wear the Alice Cooper makeup. Pardon? And these are all- Wait, what? Yes, and these are all like surly teens who would be working at a- And they'd all wear the diamond on the eye. Yeah, yeah.

And it's amazing. Wow. And it's just like a T- I mean, apart from that, it's just a TGI Fridays. You know, like it's nachos and hot wings and burgers and stuff. Gosh. You know what?

Welcome to my something. I'm going to be – Bing it. Yeah, sure. It's got to be welcome to my – Welcome to my dinner? Something mare. Something mare.

No, no. Be my frankenfoods? No. Serves only genetically modified foods? You can't be happy with that. No, I wasn't. I was disappointed. Didn't come out as enjoyable.

Did I help at all? Yeah, no, you really gave it a swift kick in the pants. You think you're walking in there? Hey, I'll have a joke answer. Hello, hooray. School's out for dinner. School's out for dinner. Oh, it's called Alice Cooper's Town.

Oh. Yeah. Well, that ends up being this one. Is it actually called Alice Cooper's Town? It is called Alice Cooper's Town. Wow, that's even worse than ends up being this one. Is it actually called Alice Cooper's Town? It is called Alice Cooper's Town. Wow, that's even worse than that thing that I just said. You know what? You're right.

It's terrible. They've got to sit you down. And it's not in Cooper's Town. It's in Arizona. It's in Phoenix, Arizona. Yes. Right. Well, that's the Cooper's Town of the Southwest.

Well, keep in mind his last name is Cooper. Yeah. Keep that in mind, Jesse. Jimmy, is that not one of your musical interests? I could be- I don't dislike Alice Cooper, but I'm not a huge Alice Cooper guy. You wouldn't go to his restaurant. You wouldn't make an appointment. I would if I was in Phoenix and I had the time. I would

say, you know what? Let's go check that out. Usually you're pretty busy, though, when you're in Phoenix. You've got a lot of meetings. Well, usually in Phoenix I'm there for spring training and I really like to just get in the dugout and talk to the fellas. I don't like to get out there and mess around. You want to shake hands with Conurco. I've got there for spring training, and I really like to just get in the dugout and talk to the fellas. Sure. I don't like to get out there and mess around. You want to shake hands with Conurco. I've got to get out there and say hello to Pauly.

Yeah. This is Charles Ventura. Number 14, number 23. Does Charles Barkley still have a home out there? You know, Chuck is always on the links. He loves it out there. Sure. Kid me.

He's got that crazy swing of his. Yeah. Gene Simmons just opened up a restaurant in El Segundo. Mm. Some rock and roll themed restaurant. What's the Gene Simmons restaurant named? I don't know, but I do know that it's got, I think, over 250 types of beers. And then I think two sentences later is when he brags about how he's never had a drink in his life.

But I've never been there even, and that's like a 15-minute drive from the house. It's just called Money, Money, Yum, Yum, Yum, I Love Money. And on the menu is Gene Simmons eating handfuls of money. He's an awful human being. You are currently wearing a Kiss t-shirt. I'm wearing a shirt that says Folk and Roll, and it's four folky guys with Kiss makeup on. Oh, I didn't know that. Here you got John Denver wearing the demon.

Oh, cool. Over here you got Bobby D, Dylan, wearing Starchild. Sure. Down low you've got James Taylor wearing the Catman. JT. And then you've got Jimmy Croce as Ace Fraley. Croce. Spaceman.

Jimmy Croce. That's great. Photographs and memories, Jesse. Yeah, absolutely. Christmas cards you gave to me. Sure. All that I have are these. John Denver died in a plane crash.

Jim Croce died in a... Bus crash. I should have guessed it. Bob Dylan died when he went electric. Oh. You're a hardcore Viking. Controversial. That's going to be all over the message board.

There's no question it will be. If I knew one thing about you, Jimmy, it's that you are a serious, committed, hardcore folk. I like to get out there with a felon and acoustic. If you can't play it on a mandolin, you're not interested. You are currently wearing one of those harnesses to where you could play harmonica at any second hands free.

Yes, I just wanted a yes and and then chose to stutter. Fine. A fine decision. It's important. I mean, you wear that like if you're typing, for example. And any time I got to go into I'm a Child by Neil Young and I do not want to be without that harp. Sure. Absolutely.

Understood. Jordan, can I ask you a question? You may. This is something that you brought up. This is about what I got when I went to the Alice Cooper restaurant. The answer is nachos. Before you ask the question, I've got a quick... I am a child who may not have harmonica

and I don't want to get letters. In my head, I just went, did I just pick the one Neil Young song that doesn't have harmonica? I'm not for sure, but I want it on record that I may have. Can I ask you something about... But you don't want corrections one way or the other. No, I do not a harmonica. I'm not for sure, but I want it on record that I may have. Can I ask you something about- But you don't want corrections one way or the other. No, I do not want any corrections. I'll figure it out myself when I bing it when I go home.

Sure. Can I ask you one thing about getting letters? Yeah. I'm sure you get your fair share of letters at fanclubatjimmypardo.com. Yes, sir. But what I wonder is, have you ever... You've talked on Never Not Funny, right, about not wanting to get letters about something? Yes. So on The Sound of Young America, now Bullseye, I used to say when I gave out my personal email address, which I do on the show, my real, the same one you and I corresponded with to book you on this program or whatever.

I give out my email address and I say, email me about anything except grammar. And I thought that was pretty reasonable because once a month or so, I would get these, and I said it laughingly on the show, but I would get these emails about grammar from public radio assholes. If I could describe this category of people, public radio assholes. I understand that, but about your podcast? Well, no, about the radio. About the public radio.

My apologies. It runs on public radio stations. And so I – Grammar aficionados stopped listening to this show a long time ago. Yeah. Okay. I just wanted to be clear. Thank you.

So I put that in just as a joke, but also because I wanted to stop getting emails about grammar because it would upset me. Every time I would get genuinely upset. I'd be like, who the fuck are you? Right. When you talk, you don't make grammar errors from time to time? I don't think they do. I'd want to email them about my SAT scores or something like, fuck you. This is what I got on SAT verbal.

SAT scores or something like that. Fuck you. Like, this is what I got on SAT verbal. You know what? I just talk sometimes like a person talks rather than like a fucking dictionary author writes. You also speak extemporaneously. Yes. It's not like you're reading from a script. So from time to time, it's not going to be perfect.

So give me a fucking break. And people will get angry. People will send me emails asking me what asshole wrote my script. And I'm like, if you think I'm that bad at reading a script, then this is a hopeless situation. Boy, you're that good at reading a script. Do they never nod to the fact that it's an interview? They just think that everything is scripted? Yeah, they just think everything is scripted.

I think. I don't know. These people are assholes. So I used to jokingly say, look, I put the show recently through sort of like the public radio equivalent of a focus grouping process. And there is just this category of people. And there is just this category of people. It's a solid 15 percent of the public radio audience that obsesses over grammar errors. Just if you one time split an infinitive, something that I'm not even quite sure what it was, what it is, you will they whole, all of their feedback will be grammar related. Just all of it.

So anyway, I put this thing in my credits, said, you know, my email address is jesse at maximumfund.org.

That's my real email address, the one my mom emails me at. And you can email me about absolutely anything except my grammar. Don't email me about absolutely anything except my grammar. Don't email me about my grammar. And someone sent me an email that said I was an arrogant prick for presuming to ask people not to email me about my grammar.

They used prick. Yeah, they called me a prick. They literally used the word prick. That is such like a 50-year-old guy's insult to arrogant prick. That is so funny that like, yes, that is when the public radio listener needs to cut someone down, they will say arrogant prick. They were so upset that they couldn't email me to correct my grammar because I had precluded it that they decided to turn their fire hose on me asking them not to email me about grammar. I am at a loss for words. That's how infuriated I am for you.

I know, right? I, fuck off. Because people will email you about shit, right? And you're just like, what? What's your, Jimmy, what's your, what do people harp on you for, if anything? Well, usually, you know what? Errors about the titles of Steely Dad songs. Yeah, just something like that.

Like an error along the way. It's not Ho 19, it's Hey 19. Thank you for taking the time to write that. I appreciate getting that. You know what? I'm going to go back and correct that podcast. I'm going to append a correction to that because you helpfully provided a clarification to something that I said

in the stream of consciousness. The stream of just moving along. In a conversation. I believe what Matt meant to say was Battleship Earth not Battlefield. Shut up. You know, I mean, yes, yes, that's what he meant to say. And we all know that's what he meant to say. You don't need to write and tell me that, you know.

Jimmy, I caught a lot of flack recently for confusing Charisma Carpenter and Elijah Dushku. Yeah. what he meant to say you don't need to write and tell me that you know so you know jimmy i caught a lot of flack recently for confusing charisma carpenter and elijah dushku yeah so i don't know who charisma carpenter is so i uh i don't know how you would make that mistake who is that young lady uh they they were both bit players uh in in the world of buffy the vampires well i love that eliza dushku she's a sweet beautiful young lady. Everybody loves the douche. Got to assume that double C's also got some magic going on. Yeah, I mean, you can confuse them. I mean, gun to my head, I would say that Dushku is the more talented of the two, and I think based on who's been working more.

Would you say Carpenter's more charismatic? Yes, yes. Fun to watch, both of them. I hope Charisma will be back in The Expendables 2. She played Jason Statham's girlfriend. It gets the hackles up, though. I'm always shocked when I get an email about something totally stupid and trivial. Yeah.

And how much I want to fight that person. Fight him. I'm... You know, I'm actually – I'm like, what? This is a random person who emailed me about something completely inconsequential. But it doesn't – but you're blood boiled. It's definitely this person's fault and not mine. You know, here's something that I like about Twitter and being criticized on Twitter.

Right. Is because – and this isn't a good instinct to do this, but but it gets the better of of us sometimes. I think, you know, you can go back in that person's stream and kind of look at the things they have been talking about. Like if you just get an email, you know, who's this person? And you have to do a fair amount of digging if you wanted to, like, find out who it is. It's usually a lawyer when it's a public radio person. Oh, really? Yeah.

Oh, boy. But I saw someone said something nasty about Jordan Jesse Goh on Twitter the other day. And, you know. Did they at Jordan Jesse Goh so that they made sure you saw it? They hashtagged it. We have a hashtag that we use. So they clearly wanted someone or listeners or I don't know, you know. Right. So, yeah, it wasn't just I don't have a Google alert for Jordan, Jesse go or anything. But

so, you know, I was I was upset about it. So I went and looked at this guy's Twitter feed and the the tweet immediately before the one where he criticized Jordan, Jesse go. He was criticizing the current season of Bones and saying how after this season he was not going to watch it anymore. So then I felt better about it. I'm like, oh, this is just some dumb dick. Yeah. Anyway, that's what's nice about Twitter is you can, you know, it's. You know, I have to say somebody said something mean about me on Twitter earlier today. I did that same thing, and it did make me feel a lot better

that they were being a dick about a variety of stuff in a pretty stupid way. Yeah. If it had been someone who had some trenchant literary criticism in their previous tweet. Right. But it's almost always a real ass. Yeah, maybe it'll come back and bite us in the ass someday

when the person's previous tweets are really funny and intelligent. Yeah. Maybe we see that they're- It turns out to be Elvis Mitchell. Yeah, right. I know. Elvis Mitchell's joke Twitter account. But yeah, but I think for now it's nice to see that the people who are criticizing you or the people who are criticizing the show are just dumb dicks who are criticizing other dumb stuff.

Right. Anyway. It's nice. Anyway, you can send us an email if you've got any thoughts about this issue or any issue that comes up on Jordan Jesse Go, be it grammar, minor factual corrections. You don't mind grammar problems on this one. How you feel about the sound of my laugh, Whether or not I seem smug. Any of these topics. Any of these topics are wide open.

Sure. Just email us at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Hey, guess what? Advertisers on this week's program, we got them.

Number one, let's talk about Bing. Why don't we talk about Bing? I enjoy talking about that. It's a new social search that lets you tap into the knowledge of your friends and family and the opinions of experts and enthusiasts. Get more from your search so you can spend less time searching and more time doing. Try it at Bing.com. Bing is for doing, friends.

It is. Gosh darn it. You like to do stuff. Yeah, absolutely. Hey, how about this? Yeah. IFC. Great.

Maybe you've heard of them. Formerly the Independent Film Channel. Now one of those channels where the letters don't stand for anything. Always on, slightly off. That's their slogan. Comedy Bang Bang. Friday nights, 10, 9 central. Scott Ackerman, our hilarious friend.

The brilliant Reggie Watts. This week on the show, oh, look at this. Paul F. Tompkins stops by. What? Yeah. Scott gets warned about his future by the Cake Boss. That's going to be really funny. It's right here.

That's going to be really funny. Oh, that's going to be great. Okay. Anyway, one more thing. Yeah. Max FunCon East. Yeah. Now, roughly between 75 and 80% sold, I believe, is the latest total.

Terrific. I just booked somebody last night. People are going to be very excited about. I'll tell you this. They won't be bored to death by this person, by this famous writer. Okay. Great. I know who it is.

Yeah. That's all I'm going to say. Hey, Jesse, should we also make- That incredibly obvious hint. Jesse, should we also make mention of ask.metafilter.com? Oh, yes, we should. Our good friends at Ask Metafilter, online at ask.metafilter.com, the perfect place to have all your questions answered. For example, let's just say that your favorite podcast host dropped a cryptic reference to who was going to be in the lineup at Max Fun Con East, October 26th through 28th at the Inn at Pocono Manor.

What I would do is go to Ask Metafilter, say these are the clues. He said you won't be bored to death. He said it was a famous writer. Who could this be? You know what you're going to get? An answer. Sure. Ask Metafilter.

Or you could also maybe Bing it. Or tune in to IFC and see if that had an answer. Yeah, Friday nights, 10, 9 central. We've got solutions all over the place. If you want to sponsor an episode of Jordan and Jesse, go email Teresa at MaximumFun.org. If you want to get up on the Jumbotron, it's MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you of the week. Right before we went on, Jimmy and Jordan had this conversation about graham crackers. And Jordan said, that's a fun snack.

And Jimmy said, that is a fun snack. And I meant it. Yeah, I could tell. We weren't being shitty and ironic. No. No, that's a fun snack. You get that sleeve open. You got a lot of choices of cracker in there.

Then you break that cracker into four pieces. Sure. Your choice. You don't even have to. You can eat it all as one big slab. And you know what? How about this? Why not put a sweet treat in the middle?

Talking about a chocolate bar. Talking about a marshmallow. Guys, maybe add a little peanut butter. Peanut butter on a graham cracker? Wow. Yeah, totally. Oh, yeah. That was a staple of mine growing up. Was it really? Peanut butter on a graham cracker? Wow. Yeah, totally. Oh, yeah. That was a staple of mine growing up.

Was it really? Peanut butter on a graham cracker. That does not sound fun to me. Guys, it's fun. You know what? Okay, I'll take a report. Trust me. Jordan, that sounds to me like something that sounds bad because I'm with Jimmy on this.

However, the intellectual part of my mind is starting to put it back together, put together the shattered pieces that I shattered with my heart part of my mind. This metaphor is a little labored, but I think the moral of this story is that I also believe you. What do you guys... Okay. Can I throw out one more food combo? Yes. I know we have calls to get to, but I just wanted to see what you guys would think of

this, because I've been actually wrestling with this combo myself. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. Is it combos no it's not those are gross they are gross combos are super those are not fun combos bugles no thanks oh i don't like the bugle uh what do you guys do you guys think it would be good to dump hot wings into a bag of microwave popcorn and then you pull out a hot wig and it's got some popcorn on it. You take a bite. And then you eat the popcorn and it's got a little wing residue on it.

Do you guys think that would be good? Jimmy looks like someone's performing surgery in front of him. Well, because I'm very torn. I love microwave popcorn. Yes, me too. And I love hot wings. Me too.

But do I want the combo? I don't think I do. Yeah. I don't know if I do. I mean, just like that act is disgusting. I mean, doing that, you know, it's like putting a towel on your lap instead of a napkin when you're having a meal or something. Right. This could be a revelation, though, because popcorn is the home of flavor revelations.

Sure. I know this because when I was about 9 or 10 years old, maybe. Because you watch Guy Fieri's Popcorn Nation. He just pours lard on popcorn and throws it at people. When I was 9 or 10 years old, we went out to the marina in San Francisco to watch the fireworks on the 4th of July. This is very timely, by the way. It's coming up. This is the 13th anniversary of this event.

Are you going to get together with the family to commemorate? Absolutely. Rightfully so. Yeah. I'd like to hear what you're commemorating. We went out to watch the fireworks on the lawn of the marina out in San Francisco. on the lawn of the marina out in San Francisco. And they had a guy giving out little tiny tester bags of smart food cheese popcorn.

You know, this is the kind that was dusted with white cheddar. And you could take as many bags as you wanted if you were a nine-year-old, which I did. And I remember the first time I ate that, it blew my mind so fucking large. Yeah. I was like, why did no one put white cheddar cheese on popcorn before? This is amazing. And then later, I think we have all had the same experience with kettle corn. I love it. You were at a farmer's market or a fair or something. Flea market. And someone said, would you like to try kettle corn. I love it. You were at a farmer's market or a fair or something.

And someone said, would you like to try kettle corn? You said, what's kettle corn? Is it just popcorn that you popped in a kettle? And they said, there's more. It's a little bit sweet and a little bit salty. And you said, I don't know. That sounds weird. And then you tried it and you said, why the fuck isn't all popcorn like this?

Except for maybe smart food, which can continue to have that white cheddar on it. I do not feel this way about kettle corn, but I understand. Right. Yeah. I love it. I don't like it. It's gross. I will eat the entire sleeve of kettle corn if I'm walking through any of these fairs.

Yeah, you get a whole garbage bag for $4. They just hand you a hefty bag. I will eat all of it. I will sit there like an animal and eat it all. Not in short supply, you know. Yeah, you get a whole garbage bag for $4. They just hand you a hefty bag. I will eat all of it. I will sit there like an animal and eat it all. Not in short supply, kettle corn. Oh, I love it. Yeah. It's good.

I love popcorn. I love cheese corn. I love kettle corn. I like caramel corn. Okay, now what about specifically Cracker Jack? You know what? Cracker Jack's got a little bit of a tart flavor to it, don't you think? I do.

I like the peanuts, though, I got to say. Listen, I just made it clear. I love popcorn. Right. So when it comes to Cracker Jack, let's be very clear. I'm a fan of popping corn. You are not sitting on the fence on this issue. Can we go to the court stenographer and check the record?

I don't know if we need to. I think I've been clear. Okay. This is how much I feel about Cracker Jack. I welcome the peanut. Right. This is how much I feel like Crack Jack. I welcome the peanut. Right. That's my point. It's full of popping corn.

But there's something about the caramel that seems off to you. A little tart. A little weird. What about- Cheap. It tastes cheap. A little chemically. Chemically is the word I'm looking for.

Yeah. What about- What's that stuff called? Fiddle sticks? Oh, I like fiddle faddle. Fiddle faddle. Yeah, fiddle faddle's nice. You like fiddle faddle.

I do like fiddle faddle. Who doesn't? Why are you mad at fiddle faddle. Fiddle faddle. Yeah, fiddle faddle's nice. You like fiddle faddle. I do like fiddle faddle. Who doesn't? Why are you mad at fiddle faddle? Fun to say, fun to eat. I prefer cracker jack. It's the original. I'll take a whatchamacallit. Oh, the candy bar?

Yeah. That is, I'm going to tell you something. My favorite candy bar of all time. A whatchamacallit? You know what I like? A whatchamacallit, yeah. You know what I like? An it's a caduzzi.

I don't know what it's a caduzzi is. It's a quiescently frozen confection. Then I would, boy, that's a lot of words to say. Just have a snack. Seems like too much work. I like the score. You're like a succinct snack. This is a real conversation I'm having, by the way.

It's like, oh, good, we got the candy bars. Finally, here's where Jimmy comes out to shine. What's up? What's up? Your face is lit up like a 4th of July fireworks display on the marina in San Francisco. Happy anniversary on that, by the way. Thank you. I want to say something before we get to that phone call.

Yeah. In the break, I admitted I got a little woozy. Right. Here's what I think happened. A little low. Yeah, here's why. I think I figured it out. Do you remember when I said I took the wrong pill?

Yes. I took a second allergy pill. So I think the non-drowsy second one is now making it a little drowsy. I thought maybe this was just a Matrix thing and you chose to stay in a state of virtual reality. No. I just assumed that you had accidentally taken ecstasy. Yes. Stop touching me.

It's fun to have Jimmy Pardo here. We can have him here every week if we want to. Sure. I mean, he has to agree to it. Ah, fuck it. Let's just make him. Yeah. Pardon?

Yeah, you're coming in every week from now on. Love it. Love the new location. I won't take Vermont next time, and I'm ready to go. Yeah, absolutely. It's a good match. My pleasure. Thanks for having me.

It's great to have you. Can we wrap it up? Yeah, we have a segment on our program called Momentous Occasions when something momentous happens to you, the listener. We ask that you give us a call at 206-984-4. F.U.N. We've got some telephone calls queued up. Brian Fernandez, why don't you hit that play button? Hi, my name is Lisa. I'm calling from New York with a moment of shame. As I was just leaving my job at a preschool, walking to my car in the parking lot, I just felt something in my hair on my head, pulling at my hair, and I turned around and

there was a small bird that had just been attacking my head. It was hovering right near my face and making small, I guess, threatening, weird bird noises. I immediately ran into my car and hid from this tiny bird, after which two of the teachers came out, and I told them I had just been attacked by a tiny bird, and they were completely unimpressed by what had happened to me. So, yeah, I just hid from a tiny bird that attacked me. Thanks so much. Bye. Number one, I'm just going to say, that's not a moment of shame. Hiding from the... No.

No, yeah, that's not shame. If you killed the bird with your hand, then it would be a moment of shame. Would it? Yeah, because you don't want to kill a bird with your bare hand. It's probably just protecting its nest. You don't? That's what men do. But if you accidentally... In the Yoruba culture. It's there,

it's there, and then you blot it away from you. Right. Right? You smack it away, and that kills the bird. I don't feel that bad about that. Very good. But if I reach up, grab it, and crush it. Yeah, if you consciously squeeze... But you know it's a bird. You don't know what, this woman doesn't know.

What would it be that you could squeeze and crush appropriately? Wasp. Squirrel. Two good examples. You're right. I stand corrected. The bird is gentle. The wasp and the squirrel are duplicitous.

Yeah. And I agree with her. The fact that the other teachers did not, were not impressed by that story, I would never speak to those two people again. Fuck them. Yeah. That's a great- Yeah.

Clearly, they have dead souls or something because that is terrifying and amazing. You know what? You know what I've heard is- That's a harrowing tale of survival. Agree. Thank you. You know what I've heard will really kill your soul? Hmm?

Seeing the world through the eyes of wonder of a toddler. So I can see how they would have dead souls. Sure. You know, every day you get a new appreciation of what's around you, and that just kills your soul. That's a good point. You make a very good point. I feel the same way every time my son Simon says, hi, Dad. Hi, Dad.

Hi, Dad. I feel like my soul's being crushed. Yeah, he should cut it out. Every time he learns a new word or does something amazing and I get to see the progression of life before my very eyes, it kills my soul just a little bit more. Yeah, okay. Let's take another call. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and guest. This is Des. I'm from Worcester, Massachusetts.

And this is not a hugely momentous occasion, but I thought it was pretty interesting. I was just driving through the fair city of Worcester and saw a man in nothing but shorts riding a bicycle, which isn't too unusual, except for the fact that he had a what looked like a custom-made birdcage and four parakeets inside it strapped to his back. It looked like he had gone through a lot of effort to make a custom backpack strap to fix the birdcage to his back, and he was just enjoying a day riding his bike through Worcester and giving his parakeets a tour of the city. All right. Thanks.

Bye. He had a special bird backpack. Yeah. That is amazing. Yeah. Yeah. That is amazing. Yeah. Is this guy's thinking, like, this will simulate flying for the birds so they won't get depressed or insane or something?

Must be. He went to a—who would you get to do that? Maybe a cord wainer? I don't know who makes it. A strappist. A strappist. A strappist monk, perhaps. Strapping strappist.

Cord wainer's a curator on General Hospital, right? The handsome new doctor. Yeah, sure. Yeah, sure. Comes in to shake things up. Sure he does. Listen, he's not to be trusted. Oh, yeah.

Cord Wainer. Yeah. Don't fuck anybody. That is, that's wonderful. I like that story. I like the idea of, I like the idea of an animal backpack. Yep. And when you put it on wheels,

you double the fun. What about a dog, though? A dog in a backpack. I don't like that person. I don't know. A bird in a backpack. I'm on board. That is actually

the specific reason that I'm voting Republican in the presidential election. Why? Dog backpack. Is that what Romney's behind? Yeah, that's his thing. Oh, I didn't know that.

Putting a dog in a backpack. I thought he was anti-immigrant. It's a car backpack. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. But I didn't know that. Putting a dog in a backpack. I thought he was anti-immigrant. It's a car backpack. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. But. I didn't know. Okay. I shouldn't I feel bad now for spreading that false story about Mitt Romney that the

dog on a car thing. You know about the dog on a car thing. No, I don't know what this is. Yeah, this is, he's, he was, he's it's been very controversial that he rode with a dog on top of his car. That's funny. He made a long drive with a dog.

Why was it on top of the car? Because it was in a dog kennel that's meant to be strapped to the top of your car. And they left the dog in it as opposed to putting the dog in the car with them. Yeah. And you know what? There's nothing fucking wrong with that. I love dogs. The dog wasn't in danger, right?

My dogs. No, it wasn't. It was in a specifically designed mode of conveyance. And dogs always stick their head out the window anyway. Yeah, it's probably pretty fun for the dog. I think it's rude to be mean to him about this. There's other reasons. There's other reasons.

Sons! Yeah. I mean, how he feels about the gays, for example. And you can complain about that. Let's focus more on him versus gays rather than... Let me ask you this. What if he had a gay guy in that thing on top of the car? Well, I mean, if it's made...

If it's made for it, right? Have you ever ridden in the car with a gay guy, Jimmy? They love to stick their head out the window. It makes them feel like they're running, which they love. Yeah, they do. Let's take another call. Jordan, Jesse, go. Hello.

So I was going to call this morning, but I know you guys like being called as it's happening. This is pretty momentous. After a week that felt like forever, human resources at my job finally said, hey, transgender lady, you're allowed to come into work as a lady. So I am calling to say, hey, I'm spending my first day at work as myself. It's amazing. Also, am I remembering wrong, or did you, Jesse, at some point interview Piggy? Am I remembering that right right or did I drink? Wait, don't stop this call.

Where did this, how did that come up? I don't, I don't stream it. I like the first part. Yeah. Then it goes into asking me about different people I've interviewed on the show. I'm not, I'm not standing for that. You're not the one on trial here. Who did he ask you, Ziggy?

The cartoon character? Miss Piggy. Oh, you interviewed Miss Piggy? I did once interview Miss Piggy. I'll tell you something character? Miss Piggy. Oh, you interviewed Miss Piggy? I did once interview Miss Piggy. I'll tell you something about that Miss Piggy. What do you got? Not a good interview subject. She gives you such a diva.

Wow. No. Man. I don't know whoever they have doing the Miss Piggy voice. I guess is that one of the Jim Henson characters maybe? Yeah. So they have someone new doing- It's usually Frank Oz, right?

Is it Frank Oz? Or it had been. Okay, so there's a new batch. Yeah, Miss Piggy and Yoda. Right. So it was- Yes, yes. So they have someone new doing... It's usually Frank Oz, right? Is it Frank Oz? Or it had been. Yeah, Miss Piggy and Yoda. Yes, so Frank Oz... It was Frank Oz? Who did it. But no, it was not Frank Oz as Miss Piggy. As I now remember, Frank Oz... He was too busy blowing people's minds by walking around

and saying, hey, isn't it cool that I directed In-N-Out? And then you remember, he did! Yeah, he did direct In-N-Out. And then you think it's weird. He doesn't do Miss Piggy anymore, so a new Muppeteer does Miss Piggy. This Miss Piggy Muppeteer does a perfectly good job of talking in a Miss Piggy voice.

Is not a strong improviser. You know who took over as Ziggy? Mitt Romney. I didn't know that. He's great at it, too. He really captures the voice and the wonder. This has come full circle. Yeah, it really is.

I think I did 35 minutes with Miss Piggy. And this was over the phone. Miss Piggy was in New York in a studio in New York. I think I did 35, maybe even 40 minutes. And we aired an edited version of that interview, and we had hoped that it would be a regular segment on our show, 25-minute segment on our show.

We aired an edited version of that interview that was maybe 11 minutes long. Really? Yeah, and even that, B-. Jesse, I think you're just anti-Diva. I don't know. I had a great time when Maria Callas was on the show.

Oh, okay. You're right. I'm sure. So, you know, I'm just saying, Jordan. I'm just saying. I just want to know about your track record with Divas. That's a good question. That's a good point.

I mean, Mariah Carey had a lot of fun with Mariah Carey. She was, you know, going up and down the scale with her fingers, but it was an emotional scale. Yeah. I want to go back to that phone call for just a second. Oh, yeah. Oh, the telephone call. There was an incredibly important moment.

There was an emotional... This is a lady now. This is a former gentleman. But then, either somebody was raped or a slide whistle went off in the background. That's really crazy. And I feel better than ever. Some crazy sound effects. Whoop! What was that in the background?

I think it sounded like a dog fighting a bird. It was craziness. She might have been coming out of that wall on Laugh-In. Is that maybe a possibility? I'm a lady now. But that's amazing. That is an amazing achievement, an amazing story. It's crazy to think that when you – I would not have expected – I guess this through a transgender process transformation that there's some point when HR has to clear you to come back in.

I wonder if they do it based on – I would have guessed it would be like something you do so gradually that it's not an issue. Like you come in for a meeting and you're sitting with your knees too far apart. And they're like, I don't know. You're going to have to come back in in a week or two. You haven't quite got this under control. Are they judging? Anyway, it's a great achievement.

Your feminine aptitude. Yeah, exactly. In like a scene from To Wong Fu where they – like a training sequence from a B-minus 1994 movie about somebody learning to be ladylike. Jimmy's not getting involved in this. Listen, you know what? I'm not and I'll tell you why. Going back to like letters, we received a lot of hate mail because of our jokes about transgender sort of things. We're champions of the transgender. That's why this lady called in.

I am a champion of it as well, but at the same time, you make jokes. You run your mouth comedically because you're an insecure idiot, and you'd think that somebody that's a fan of our show would understand that, but no, we got a lot of heat on some very innocuous comments about transgender. It's a very sensitive subject for people. I'll tell you. I would imagine that it is. So I am recusing myself from this.

That's totally fair. That's very fair. Especially now that I heard the voice. We all agree you're a great guy and probably did not mean anything hurtful by it. I never mean anything hurtful. The people that you had said negative stuff about, you had not even felt the bumps and ridges on their heads. So how could you even know that they were so lazy?

Yeah, exactly. How would you know that they're pro-Berserk? There is a lot of Brazilian transgenders out there. Yeah, sure. I found that very interesting, going back to that. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Jimmy Pardo, guy in corner. Jimmy, it's been just a delight to have you on this program. We've been waiting for years to have you back on the show. Well, I say thank you for having me back on, and I apologize that my energy went from very active at the top, and I think if somebody wanted to chart my performance here, you would see that it's time to sell. To be fair, this studio is a little bit like that corrugated box that you could put in at military school if you misbehave that bakes in the sun. It does have, not just aesthetically, but also in terms of temperature.

It's energy sapping qualities. But, but also in terms of temperature. It has energy-sapping qualities. But again, I took that extra pill. No, no, no. I'm going to take some responsibility. You were terrific. I'm taking some responsibility. We are never happier than when comedy legend Jimmy Pardo joins us on Jordan, Jessica. Well, I am honored to have been here, and you're right.

It did take a lot of- And it is an honor for you to be invited on this program. Oh. Well, now you've just taken the honor away by pointing out that it's an honor. It's an honor. I mean, a lot of great people. I mean, we've had—who are we talking about? Of course, His Holiness the Dalai Lama has been on this program.

You had him on this one? Sure. You think he would have been on Bullseye? No, no. You had him on this one. He said, I don't want to do a straight interview. Right. I just want people to see my personality.

I don't want it to be a big plug fest. It was exactly the same thing with Desmond Tutu. Sure. And Chris Fairbanks. Said the same thing. Said the same thing. Those three people. Jimmy, Never Not Funny is just about to start a new season.

As soon as we get out of this studio, I'm heading over to my computer to buy the next season of Never Not Funny, which I have bought every season since you went pay. I have subscribed to Never Not Funny since episode one. Yes, you've been there from the get-go, and again, I appreciate your support. We are starting season 11 on Monday, June the 25th. It starts season 11 and off and running. And you can go to pardcast.com. And why wouldn't you? It's $20 well spent.

Or you can bump it up to $25 and get the video. Absolutely. Hey, you can bump it up to $80 or whatever it is and get a folio. That is a folio. It comes in at $49. You get a tablet holder for $69. Hey, $200. Jimmy Pardo will give you a call at home.

I will call you if you donate $200. Yeah. And that was really done out of comedy. But we've had some people subscribe to us. I'm happy to hear it. Looking forward to those calls. Looking forward to those clunkers. Oh, wow.

I used to do this thing called Office Hours where I would put a Google voice box on the web page. You would click on it and call, and it would ring my phone, and I'd answer the phone. So I'd just say, one hour a week, I'll answer a phone call from whoever wants to call me. Okay. And nobody was ever anything other than super nice. Right. It was just wonderful. I mean, you met our fans at MaxFunCon.

Love them. These are wonderful, nice people. But. It was just wonderful. I mean, you met our fans at Max Fun Club. Love them. These are wonderful, nice people. But it was always really awkward. The part that was really awkward about it is how and when do you end the conversation? That's the part, right? Right. Because you can say, hey, oh, it's nice to meet you. Like, what do you do for a living?

You know, where do you live? That kind of thing. It's perfectly, you know, it has a little awkwardness. It's two strangers talking to each other. But it's eased by the fact that you're their fan and you're really excited that someone's telling you how great you are. And so, you know, it goes fine. But then you remember, oh, but I have to end this at some point. And what do you say?

Got to go. Got to go. But you don't have to go. Maybe you do, though. Oh, yeah. But see, in your case, you were doing it a bit. These people have paid money for me to talk to them. Right.

So you've got to give them stock tips. Well, you've got to give them a little time. Right. You can't just go, all right, man, this has been great. And then they look down and go, really? Four minutes? That's all? So you figure they'll probably be timing it.

Well, they'll be recording it, certainly. To play for their kids when their kids grow up. For their children to enjoy on the YouTube. Yeah. Absolutely. Jesse, may I? I'm not quite ready to announce something, but I'd maybe like to tease something. Yeah.

I'd like to hear a tease from you. If there are going to be Max Funsters at Comic-Con, I may or may not be doing a really amazing show down there. Wow. I want to gauge interest in maybe doing a meetup. Yeah. The last time we did it was a lot of fun, maybe a little lukewarm in the world of attendance. Uh-huh. A lot of fun, a lot of enthusiasm.

If we get enough heat, maybe on Twitter, maybe in the forums, maybe we'll plant at Jordan underscore Morris. Forum.maximumfund.org. You can hashtag it JJGo. I just want to gauge interest, and I am excited to announce what this show is going to be on a future podcast. Jordan, I have one quick question, though. Please. You're talking about Comic-Con. Comic convention, yes.

It just seems like it's out of our demo. you're right i mean i know uh but hey you know uh next month i'm gonna be in branson missouri at the yakoff smirnoff theater selling my jesus paintings absolutely we'll probably we'll probably have a better meet up there sure and of course you'll be at the world economic forum in davos switzerland sure yeah So we've got all the bases covered. You might as well circle back and gather up a few nerds. You're right. You just wanted to. A nerd or two.

Can I say that I'm going to be in Toronto? Yeah, of course. On July 13 and 14. I'm going to be at the Comedy Bar in Toronto. I'm going to give an endorsement. I'm going to give I'm going to give an endorsement I've seen Mr. James Pardo several times

not just headlining here in Los Angeles but I've seen his road show in San Francisco but you saw that 15 years ago 6-7 years ago no sir, no, you were still living there yeah well that's only I've only lived here for 5 years

no! yeah 6 years you know when you came? there. Yeah, well, that's only... I've only lived here for five years. No! Yeah, six years. Yeah. You know when you came? Fifteen years ago, I was sixteen years old. You came 2004. That might be true. It might even be 2003.

Either one of those may be true. I remember you walked in, and in my head I went, oh, there's... because I'd only spoken to you on your radio program. And I saw you walk in in your outfit my head I went, oh, there's, because I'd only spoken to you on the radio, your radio program. And I saw you walk in in your outfit and I went, oh, that's Jesse. And then sure enough, you came up afterwards and went, hey man. I was like, yes, I'm well aware of it. Because I look so handsome. It was my wife was the host. Yeah. Is that, that sounds right. Yeah. And Connor Kellicott, I want to say was the feature performer. I believe that, but I'll tell you what I remember from that program. Besides, of course, how delightful your wife was.

It's as much fun as you can have in a comedy club. If you don't take the opportunity to go see Jimmy Pardo in a comedy club where you live, you're fucking yourself in the ass. You're nice to say that. And I don't mean that in a good gay type way. No, because that could be taken. If you enjoy that, then that's not what you're doing. Right. Then in that, you're really punching yourself in the schnoz.

If you like fucking yourself in the ass, then that is... Then that's what the show is like. Right. Not seeing the show is like going a week without getting your ass pounded. Can you imagine what your life would be like without prostate stimulation?

That's what it would be like if Jimmy Pardo came to your town. And you didn't go. And you didn't go to the show. This is getting really complicated. The point is- The grammar people are going to be all over this. If you live in Toronto and you don't go to it, I'm going to give my highest endorsement. If you don't go to this show, fuck you. Wow. Yeah. You're right, brother. Yeah. Fuck you. I'm going to give my highest endorsement. If you don't go to this show, fuck you.

Wow. You're right, brother. Yeah, fuck you. I'm good. Especially north of the border. Yeah. Think about the stuff you're going to be able to talk about north of the border. Triumph, Rush, Neil Young, Bryan Adams. You don't think they'd come up? Dave Steeb, Kelly Gruber. Dave Steeb.

Sure, George Bell will get a mention. You don't know what's going to happen up there. Bare naked ladies. P.U., man. That's a sacred cow up there, Jimmy. I know it is. I'm telling them in advance. And don't you go after some 41 either. You know what? I probably will not go after anybody.

Listen, I'm in their land. I was up there back in 69. Sure. For about nine months. Sure. I was avoiding a situation here in the homeland. But they're good people. You were avoiding the summer of love.

Yeah, well, listen, the summer of love was too sexy down there in America. I couldn't be a part of it. You know, Janice was going in a direction I didn't care for. And I didn't want to be a witness to it. Dylan was going electric. Don't even mention it! Oh, sorry. Don't even mention him going electric. Don't even mention it! Oh, sorry. Don't even mention him going electric!

JJGo at MaximumFun.org, our email address, 206-984-4FUN, our telephone number. Our theme music, Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. You can get it, Jordan, on Twitter, at Jordan underscore Morris. Me, at Jesse Thorne, on the forums at forum.maximumfund.org we'll talk to you next time on jordan jessica