Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 231: Scotch Beef Association with Vanessa Ragland

Episode Date: July 9, 2012

Vanessa Ragland from the podcast Pop My Culture joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of exploding goats, sponge animal capsules, silkwood baths, and Magic Mike.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Solomon, friendly, maggoty, edgy, twiddly, dumby, we're joined by the lovely and charming Vanessa Ragland from Pop My Culture and Jordan Babysits.

Plus, we're going international. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris,, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Beautiful day in Los Angeles, clear skies. You can see as far as the eastern horizon, Jordan. New York City. We're waving right now to everybody at the top of the Chrysler building. It's a beautiful day today in Los Angeles. Hey, throw us a slice of that world-famous pizza, why don't you? I'm in a good mood, Jordan.

I've been participating in baby activities. We'll get into that in a second. Sure. That's what America wants to hear about, Jordan. In fact, I say we dedicate this whole show to me talking about baby stuff. Yeah, well, that's why Baby Blues is the most popular comic strip in the newspaper. Hopefully you've had some similar misadventures.

Let's introduce our guest. You know her from the smash hit Pop My Culture podcast, Miss Vanessa Ragland. Hi guys. Did you know that there's a Bay Area rapper named Ragland? No, but I'm interested. R-G-L-N-D. All capital letters like management. Rig Like management Rigland

Rigland But we're pretty sure I had a good conversation My friend Andrew Nas Is a rap Professional rap blogger He came on Bullseye The other day

This is not It's a job for everyone This is not aired yet But he came on Bullseye The other day To recommend a song And one of the featured artists Was R-G-L-N-D

And he told me He's not 100% sure but he's pretty sure it's pronounced Ragland and he thinks it's his surname. Whoa. It's a great song too. Don't remember what it's called right now. I'll look it up.

Yeah. That's great. Just go on YouTube and just RGLND. Type that in there and see what comes up. You get Bay Area rapper Ragland. Thank you. Are you related to him at all? Yeah.

I noticed that you're African American. Right. It's weird that you didn't know about her. That's a joke that doesn't play for our audience that does not know that she's not African American, by the way. I'm a little bit. Yeah. I mean, I'm darker. Sure.

You are swarthy. I'm a swarthy person. You're one of those swarthy redheads. You know how we are. Sure. My people. I just didn't want to mention that. Also, for people who can't see, she's a redhead.

Yeah. Do you't want to mention that. Also for people who can't see, she's a redhead. Do you guys want to – I mean this – I don't – I have a little bit of an anecdote. I don't think it's enough for a whole segment of the show, but it is kind of heartwarming. I like the way you're introducing it. Right. You know, I'm undercutting it. Yeah. And I don't think there's a lot to say about this, but it's brought me a lot of delight this week. I've been playing this video game online, Starhawk.

And this is kind of a space shoot-em-up. I can tell from the name. Yeah. Is that the same as the Super Nintendo? Are you playing that on the Super Nintendo? I'm playing this on the PlayStation 3. Oh, I'm thinking of Star Fox. You're thinking of Star Fox.

Is he related to Star Hawk? I don't- Is the hawk an animal? The hawk is a vehicle you can get. A craft. Is this based on the famous witch, Star Hawk? Oh. Celebrity witch, Star Hawk.

Star Hawk. Or Star Wars. Star Hawk is like a poetess slash witch who rose to prominence in the late 1980s and early 1990s. Oh, interesting. Starhawk? She sounds like someone who might have a signature line of vibrators. Yes, absolutely. Okay.

That kind of lady. Okay. Yes. Does she, in fact, have a signature? She might. She may or may not. She's probably working on getting it off the ground. This stuff takes so long.

Right. The dildonics business is tough. Yeah. Sure. Oh, God. Stuff takes so long. Right. The dildonics business is tough.

Yeah. Sure. Oh, God. So I've been playing this game. And as you might know, when you're playing this sort of game, the people you're playing online with, sometimes you can hear them if they have a headset. Do you have a headset? I do not have a headset. Why not? You don't have a headset?

Invest. I don't. Yeah, I don't. You got one foot in this world. You got to jump in. No, I know. Think of all of the people you could be calling a faggot. That's true.

And I think – but they're doing such a great job. Right. You know? So why pollute the waters with my – you know, I would probably be a little, you know, hesitant about it. They say faggot with such confidence. Right. And they maybe make the O's. And hatred.

Zeroes. You would be concerned about the fact that it's one of the worst things you can say about someone. Yeah. I think that would probably. One of the worst insults you can. Yeah. That's probably why.

You shouldn't let that hold you back. I should. It's all about practice. Right. It's just getting comfortable. Desensitized. Letting my soul slowly eject from my body. Right.

So, yes. Jordan, I want to say, I said one of the worst insults, obviously, because it's such a foul word, not because it's insulting to be called gay. Sure. Anyway, continue. I'm glad you clarified. I don't want anyone out there that doesn't know us to think that we're horrible bigots. No. I did just say that word.

A few times. As part of a fun joke. Yeah. So, yeah. So that's generally the kind of discourse that happens when you play this game. You know, the F word, both F words. Fuck. Sea sucker comes up a lot.

What about the F word for fart? Cum sucker? Yes. The F word for, yeah, the F word for dirts. The F word for dirts. Comes up a lot. So, yeah. But not always.

I mean, about 60% of the games you're playing, you're getting a lot of this kind of chatter. Okay. But sometimes not. Sometimes people just play the game. Like yourself. Like me. Gentlemen. For instance.

Yes, exactly. My monocle is fixed to my eye. If you don't have the headset, you hear it through your TV? Yeah. You can turn it off, but I kind of, I don't know, there's something soothing about it. Right. It's like whale noises. Sure. Hateful whales? Yeah. You can turn it off, but I kind of – I don't know. There's something soothing about it. Right. It's like whale noises. Sure.

Hateful whales calling to one another. Yeah. So I'm playing the game and I'm playing around where there's not a lot of chatter either way. It's just kind of – there's some strategic chatter going on, but nothing too hateful. And at the end, kind of the results screen is there. And there's about – there's between, you know, like eight and ten guys on your team when you're playing this. Or girls. Or – yes.

Hey, ladies. We can game too. That's true. I don't. You have a new show on G4 coming up, right? Are you just plugging that? I just wanted to plug it. Right.

That's what it's called. Yes. I love your Wonder Woman outfit, by the way. Oh, thank you so much. It's cool that you wore that. Yeah. I just have to represent my geeks. Sure.

Right. Right. And you're sexist. Yeah. Right. And popular. Yeah. So we're at the results screen, and I hear this kind of little kid's voice say, oh, boy,

well, it's getting really late. I think I'm going to turn in. Good night. And then eight other voices at the same time all say, good night. Aw. You know, yeah. There is a community out there. And I don't know if these guys were all friends or if they were family, but all in the nicest way just said to this little kid, good night.

Good night, little guy. They tucked him in auditorily. I love that. It was a lot of fun. Now, I haven't done any online gaming since I played this tank game called Bolo in the computer lab of my middle school. It was connected to all the other, it was on the land, you see.

Yeah. So we're talking about probably some Mac classics here. Sure. When you're in this game, is it just 16 other randos? Yeah, you can. Internet. You can. Because you and me are Xbox buddies.

A little picture of you pops up when you turn on your Xbox. That's true. Which is frequently. I am playing this on the PlayStation 3 right now. And I have some friends on the PlayStation 3, but not as many as Xbox and fewer that are playing this game. So I prefer to play with friends, but more often than not. Have you ever fallen in love during Hawk Nest? Hawkeye?

No. It's Hawk Craft? Hawk Nest is what it's called. Hawk Nest is a sort of companion piece. It's Hawkcraft? Hawknest is what it's called. Hawknest is a sort of companion piece. It's a role-playing game. It's a sort of relationship game. Yeah. Do you like Hawk?

A dating sim, as they call it in Japan. Yeah, I mean, Jordan is exceptionally good at sitting on those eggs. And I think that's what gets him all that sweet Hawkpux. Sure. Hawkpuss. But no, I have never fallen in love. Ever? No, I don't know what it is.

It sounded weird coming out of your mouth. That's like some sort of hole, right? That's some sort of hole to get the love. You just got to jump over it. Sure. Yeah, I like to sidestep it. More trouble than it's worth. So when it's a bunch of randos, doesn't one guy just die right away because he's not any good?

The kind of, depending on the game mode, I like to play a game where I'm on a team. So my being not as good as a 13-year-old, like there's plenty of 13-year-olds who are really good who have to help me. But I think you're pretty good at pretty much anything you might be. Aw. Nice of you to say. I think he made it as a little bit of a slant compliment. No, no. You're good at video games.

That's the thing. The reason that I've never done this, I have plenty of video games in my house that I play by myself against the computer or against my wife. But the reason that I don't play online is because I just assume that everyone else will be so much better than me. And even me who is pretty good at video games and can kind of pick up and play. I mean there's no way I can be as good as a 13-year-old who has nothing else to do and no job. Our friend Kumail Nanjiani offered to play a basketball video game with me on the internet. And now I would have to buy a contemporary version of the basketball game that I enjoy playing, which I probably bought for $8 used five years ago. But if I bought the new one, he said he would play with me, and I was pretty excited.

And then I realized that he would just fucking destroy me. Because all I've ever played against is the computer and my wife, and the computer usually beats me unless I set it up so that it won't. You know, unless I'm like the best team and it's the worst team, the computer wins. Yeah, no, I definitely don't play too many online games. This one, yeah, this one has this kind of team mode that I like to play in where it's more supportive. You know what? It's community. Here's the thing.

I don't want, I want a shoot button, a pass button. You know what I mean? I don't, in basketball now, just like in football is even worse. You have to be, you have to actually know how to play basketball. And from what I understand, I mean, with these career modes, you also have to manage your character's parallel rap career too, right? That's correct. Like that's a big part of it. That's absolutely correct.

And his streetball career. Oh, sure. His streetball where he plays on an outdoor court with a chain for a net. Right. And some different people voiced by Bobbito Garcia, a.k.a. DJ Cucumber Slice talk mess

while you do it. But you have to like call plays and I can even handle putting in substitutes and stuff. I just want it and I don't. the other part of it is, you were once kind enough to give me as a gift NBA Jam, which I enjoyed playing, but I, and it was a very thoughtful gift that I appreciate very much.

He's about to slam this gift. No, but I mean, I don't, I don't want to play one where my guy turns on fire that much. Sure. You know what I mean? Like, I don't want to play one where my guy turns on fire that much. Okay. You know what I mean? Like, I don't want to play Super Mario Brothers basketball. You want a midpoint between NBA 2K and NBA Jam. Yeah.

You put the words in my mouth. I want real, number one, I want real basketball guys. Preferably, I want an option to have old-timey basketball guys so I've heard of them. I prefer a version with Clyde Drexler in it. You don't want a basketball game where Bill Clinton is dunking on the rap persona of Jensen Karp.

You're talking about Hot Carl. I'm talking about Hot Carl, yes. I want a game that has a song by Hot Carl in the soundtrack, which I think my basketball game may because it's about seven years old okay i think that's the last time our friend podcaster and art empresario jensen carp formerly known by the rap nom de microphone hot carl recorded for interscope records he also was a secret character in NBA Jam.

Was he really? Yeah, totally. Oh, that's really cool. Isn't that the greatest? Jensen Karp's a nice guy, too. He deserves it. He deserves it. Well, he doesn't deserve it.

He's got a lot going on. That's a lot. I'm overstating his case. He does not deserve to be a—but it's fine that he is because he's a good guy. Sure. Anyway, we'll talk more. More, of course. We'll talk more about this guy we know that had a rap contract in the early 2000s when we come back on Jordan, Jesse, Go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, Yeah. That's good. How do you feel about capping? Great. Great. I feel great about that.

Okay. What about cap? No. Hate it. Not like baseball. Never. Baseball Hall of Famer Cap Anson. Mm-mm.

No? Capping. There's a great scene in one of my favorite movies, A Thousand Clowns, where, and also probably this scene is in the play that it was based upon. But there's this great scene where the kid, there's a kid and a dad-like figure who's actually his uncle. And the kid has never had a name. At all? Because the uncle has allowed him to pick his own name. And so he's gone through a long series of names.

his own name. And so he's gone through a long series of names. And he's talking about all that. There's a scene where the kid is talking about all the different names he's had before he picks his final real name, which I shan't reveal. But there's a great scene where he's talking about all the different names he's had. And there's a period where he had dog's names like Spot and Rover. And there was a period where he would just pick any old name and then put Captain before it to spruce it up a little. I like Captain for that reason. It's a lot of fun. Jordan, what have you been up to lately? Well, I was a little bit late getting into the podcast today because I was babysitting.

Glamorous. I needed the extra cash. They let me take a fruit by the foot. Are you sure you were babysitting? This seems like an unlikely story. I'll describe the circumstances. Because you don't have any nieces and nephews. I would believe you babysitting for nieces and nephews.

These are cousins. Oh, you are related. My mom is getting remarried. Okay. And so her- Do you feel good about that? Feel great about it. Okay, great.

He's a great guy. They met online. Yeah. Oh. He plays in a church band. I brought you up to date. Score one for the internet. Trombone.

Oh, there's a trombone in this church band? Yeah. What kind of church is this? Ragtime? Like a fun one. Yeah, ragtime. It's hard to find because it's always on a steamship. Right.

But once you catch up. It pulls into port. You get on and you. Hello, Jesus. Everyone wears sleeve garters. Of course. Part of the vestments. So some of her family kind of came in and they had this kind of surprise brunch for her today.

And so my cousin who's married and has three kids, we're talking Sophia, Savannah, and Blake. Sure. Maybe you've heard of them. Yeah, I have. These are three popular children. They sound very cool. Sophia is five. Savannah is seven. Savannah is seven.

Blake is eight. Good ages. Sure. Such a fun age. So my sister called me and said, we're going to take mom to this kind of surprise gals-only brunch. Would you – Last minute? Did she call last minute?

No, she's been planning this for a long time. She's a planner. Great. So she's like, can you come in – while we're at brunch, can you come watch these three kids? Absolutely. Love Sophia, Savannah, and Blake. So I went down there and we had a really good day. But some stuff happened that I think I need to process.

When you say you went down there, you mean you went down to Southern California? Oh, yeah. to Orange County. To Orange County, where your mother lives. Yeah. So the first thing we did was make those- Bath time for everybody. For Jordan. Yeah, I had them get fresh rose petals

and sprinkle them in my bath water. Yeah, I had them kind of tend to me like a Roman emperor. Sure. It's a Saturday. Yeah, it's a Saturday. First thing, you had them make you a crown of olive leaves. Sure, exactly.

You know, for the feast of Dionysus. Right. Sure. Savannah's little hands were really working hard. Sure. I mean, you know, she's got to learn to make wreaths.

Yeah, it doesn't matter if they bleed. I had always presumed you to be a Dionysian babysitter. Yeah. Sure. It's a good approach. It's solid. Fruited wines.

Barrels. Right. So, yeah, babysitting with me is a real bacchanal. Get everybody in the station wagon. We're going to the vomitorium. Right. Exactly. Kids got to learn

to force vomit sometime. So the first thing we did was we made, you know those little pills that you put into water? You know, Valiums. We took Valiums. I had to go into Mom's purse.

You think they're called Rohypnols? Does that sound right? Oh, yeah, that sounds right. So, you know, you drop them into water and they turn into an animal, like a sponge animal.

Yeah. That comes to life. Right, exactly. When you're sleeping. Jumanji. That's the treatment to my new kids' film. Jordan, did you prepare

for this babysitting effort by going to the gag store? They had these pills. I did not bring anything to the table. I think you should stop calling them pills. You're right. But capsules? Is that better for everyone?

Let's say capsules. So we had some fun, dropped the capsules in some water. Some animals came out. We made a lot of animal noises. The animals ran around the counter. And then they got bored of them and kind of scampered off. The animals did? The animals did.

The animals got bored of the children. We got to get out of here. Yeah. They wanted to do some sponge fucking, but away from where the children could see. Sure. Under the kitchen sink, presumably. Right. Exactly.

Right, exactly. But then I looked back and the youngest, Sophia, was drinking the water that we had encapsuled the sponges with. Right. I don't think that's something you have to call poison control for, but I considered it. Yeah. I took it away from her. Right. I said, don't drink this capsule water. Yeah, let's just.

Let's hit the vomitorium early. Because the way those things work, right, is they're encapsulated in some kind of weird gel. Yeah, and the gel dissolves. That dissolves into the water. Yeah. And the gel is usually, correct me if I'm wrong, made of cyanide. I think, yeah, like kind of a thin cyanide film.

Yeah. Right. You know, that's like over a pudding cup. Right. They use spy tech now. Yeah, right. Spy tech, maybe you've heard of it. Yes.

Yeah, there's a popular store in a strip mall, I know. So yeah, so I hope, do you guys think this child has a chance of dying sometime in the next three or four days? Everyone does. Yeah, I mean if she could get hit by a bus. I think. But it won't be because I let her drink sponge animal capsule water. We can't tell you that, buddy. Yeah.

Did you tell her mother? I did not. Yeah. So in that case, she's probably going to die. Yeah, sure. I should probably call after this and leave a message and say, keep an eye on Savannah. Yeah, if she starts to turn into a red sponge monkey. This sounds like maybe it's like a superhero origin story for her.

Oh, she can get spongy. Cool power. I can get absorbent. I'm not very good at fighting crap. I don't know. I kind of feel like the odds are that she would get the superpower of encapsulating things. Oh, man, maybe. That actually could be pretty useful if you ran into a criminal.

Oh, you're thinking she could put things into capsules with her mind. Yeah. I was thinking Nintendo. Or with her gastrointestinal tract somehow. That's hard. You remember in Nintendo, I'm doing the motion, but I don't know how to say it. It is not clearing things up at all. In Nintendo, when people went paddling on the river.

Yeah. When people did the hot whitewater rafting. No, when Mario could wear the puka suit and he could. Oh, he could turn into a statue. Yeah. That's what I'm imagining. Maybe she'll be able to turn into a giant pill. Right. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm imagining, except for with a capsule. Maybe she'll be able to turn into a giant pill. Right.

Okay. Cool. That's inconspicuous. What Mario does he turn into a giant statue? It's Mario 3. Oh, I didn't know. See, you guys are rich kids. Yeah, very rich.

Rich kids have Mario 3. I was really rich. Well, I mean, we ran out and bought it right after we saw The Wizard. I did Mario 1. I did Mario 2, which I did not care for. That's the popular opinion, I think. The turnips are cute. Yeah, those turnips are cute.

Then I skipped straight forward to Super Mario Bros. Sunshine with my college roommate Nathaniel. Sure. Where I learned the key phrase, it's a game where Mario is cleaning up graffiti? I think so, yeah. Really? I never played this one, but yeah, this is one where he has a water pack, and he is wall cleaning is

a big part of that. The other big part of it that I remember is a big on-screen graphic. The points, or like stars, or life bar, or something was filled with sunshine. And when he would get sunshine, a big graphic would come on the screen that said,

Shine Get. Shine Get? Shine Get. Shine Get. This may have been... Sounds kind of Nazi. Here's the thing. Nathaniel was the kind of guy that had a Japanese video game

before it came out in America or something. It may have been only the Japanese version that said Shine Get, but I'm not sure. It's a keeper either way. Anyway, I think the odds here for you, Jordan, are death, no gastrointestinal distress, yes. Okay, that's fine. Kids get diarrhea all the time.

It could be anything. You cannot trace this diarrhea back to my negligence. So thing two that happened. So Blake is eight, and he's getting really into Marvel superheroes. I think he saw The Avengers, was pretty juiced on it. So he wanted to talk about Marvel superheroes with me a lot. Just to talk about them?

Yeah. He maybe didn't want to have a conversation, but he just wanted to tell me things he knew about various Marvel – which I'm glad to listen to. Right. So he said – Let's be honest. You've got a lot to learn. Sure. Yeah, exactly.

Well, here's how – I'll speak to that point. Yeah, exactly. Well, here's how that's – I'll speak to that point. So Blake said to me, he's like, do you know about She-Hulk? I know about She-Hulk. I do too. And he's like, She-Hulk is Hulk's sister and she's smart because she was dumb before she was the Hulk. But then when she got turned into a Hulk, she got smart. Kind of like – listen, I'm no chump. Before she was the Hulk, but then when she got turned into a Hulk, she got smart.

Listen, I'm no chump. I know this is not the She-Hulk origin story. I said, and I had to manage my tone when I was saying this to him because I didn't want to make him feel dumb. Dear retard. Right. An open letter to Blake, the dumbest eight year old. So I said, I said, I think She-Hulk is is Bruce Banner's cousin. And she got Hulk powers when she had to get a blood transfusion from him. And she's also a lawyer.

And she looks good. She looks and she looks great in those power suits. Whoa. Um, and he says, no, she Hulk is Hulk's, is Hulk's sister.

And then, then Blake has the gall to try and convince me that Harry Osborn became the green goblin when Dr. Octopus talked him into it. And I'm not even going to go into how wrong that is, but I had this like, I'm like, oh to go into how wrong that is but I had this like I'm like oh well this kid's probably just been into this stuff for three months or something

like that so he's just making up his own stories for these characters so I had to like curb that nerd correction yeah anger there are nerds listening right now sending us emails about things.

That I got wrong. Yes. Blake was right, asshole. Right. There's an alternate continuity. He's probably been reading the Ultimate series. Yes. Yeah, maybe Blake is right on some of this stuff.

But, yeah, he just wanted to tell me these stories that I think he was making up about these characters. So that was a little, I had to figure that out kind of gradually. And it's kind of weird because, I mean, you do a lot of writing about She-Hulk yourself. Sure. But there was so little. Drawings, sketches. There was so little fucking in Blake's story that it almost seemed like it wasn't She-Hulk fan fiction. You know what I mean?

I mean, he'll, you know. He's young, I guess. He'll get to it. Right. It's a little embarrassing for him. I mean, I was embarrassed. And I don't want to call him out on this, and I should probably be using a fake name for him, but I noticed that. He's an idiot.

He couldn't help but notice. Well, was Sophia just the wet blanket on the whole day? No. so here's what happened with Savannah. So Savannah is seven. I thought Savannah drank the potion. Oh, Sophia drank the potion. Okay. And may or may not be dead as we speak.

So here's what happened with Savannah. Are we talking about the Golden Girls? Yeah, right. So she brings me this children's book. Are you familiar with the children's book Love You Forever? Yeah. With a teddy bear? I'll love you forever, forever and always.

As long as I'm living, my baby will be. That's it. Make me cry already. Okay, yeah, yeah. So this is a popular children's book, and the story of it is it's a mom at various points in this kid's life. Until the mom. Right. And then so at various points in this kid's life, she sneaks into his room.

Elopes with a silver fox. Right. And flies away on the hawks. This was kind of this storyline kind of woven to this legion season of mad men um so uh so this okay so it's this it's it's this kid at various stages in his life and his mom comes in and and holds him while he's asleep and says i'll love you forever i'll like you for always as long as as I'm living, my baby you'll be. It's one of these movies, books that kids do not like. It is just there for a mom to cry.

Or maybe, did you like it as a kid? No. I remember being terrified of it as a kid because I'm like, this is going to make mom sad. Yeah, yeah. And at the end, the son does it for the mom on her deathbed. And the picture is sad. Yeah. It's a tiny, old mommy.

And she's like, yeah, she's like, yeah, like gone from spry young mom to- She was so young in the beginning of the book. Horrible husk of a human. So Savannah brings me this book and she's like, we read this book last night. She's a sassy gay man. Yeah. Savannah's from Louisiana, so she's Southern. So I will be doing her as a Southern dandy.

She's like, we read this book last night and Auntie Gail cried. And she's like, and then I had Stephanie read it. Stephanie's my sister. She's like, and then I had Stephanie read it to me and she cried. And she's like, yeah, whenever grown-ups read this book, they cry. And I

know what, I know what, I can tell what Savannah's game is here. She's like, I want you to read this book to see you cry. Right. She enjoys. She could be a serial killer. I put it off.

I didn't say that I would read the book. And then we did some other stuff. We drank some poison water. Yeah. You know, we went to the park, and then we came back, and she just has the book, and she's like,

will you read this to me with this like? And I'm like, you know what? Sure. Yeah. Challenge accepted. Gauntlet thrown down, Savannah. En garde, seven-year-old girl. Sure.

En garde. So we all got on the couch. I think what Savannah probably didn't know is that I'm emotionally dead inside. Right, right. And perpetually evil and cynical. So yeah, I did it. I finished this book. Did she even try to set the mood?

No. How would she do that? I mean, dim the lights, maybe ask you questions about, like, what's your favorite memory with you, Mom? Oh, yeah. Or, like, well, how do you feel? When is my mommy going to die? Like, you know. Oh, yeah.

She could have really set it up so that she could have just fucking spiked it when you're reading that last page. Savannah has a lot to learn about showmanship, I think. But no, I made it through it without crying, and I felt like I disappointed them a little bit because I broke the streak of adults crying while reading this book. But you're a man. Yeah, exactly. Done. Yeah. Excuse me.

I need to get back to correcting Blake about Marvel mythology. I got guys. Yeah, exactly. Done. Yeah. Excuse me, I need to get back to correcting Blake about Marvel mythology. I got guys stuff to do. Yeah, exactly. And yeah, and then I ripped the book in half. Right. So yeah, I felt pretty good about that. Well, congratulations. Thank you. That's kind of a big deal. It was a big deal. You know what? I'm glad you triumphed

over those children. Yeah. Dumb babies. Sure. Times three. Yeah. They look like chumps now. Yeah. Ohumb babies. Sure. Times three. Yeah. Yeah. They look like chumps now. Yeah. Oh, man. You're the man.

Mm-hmm. I'll tell you, you know, I recently had a book, a children's book related thing happen to me. My son has recently learned

to, like, greet people and things. He does it a little indiscriminately, but he's 11 months and he doesn't say the words always right. But do you think,

you know, do you think maybe he has a future as a maitre d? Sure. Absolutely. Something in hospitality. Fingers crossed. Yeah. Because the other choice is Walmart greeter.

Right. Well, when he becomes old and senile. Right. He's got his whole life for that one. Yeah, when he becomes old and senile. Yeah. Yeah. So he has this thing that he does with my wife. My wife usually puts him to bed.

And before he goes to bed, he says goodnight to me. He says goodnight to Coco and Sissy, our dogs, or as he calls them, Sis and Coke. It's cute. It's very cute very cute so far i'm loving this it starts to sound a lot like cock in fact like a solid 50 right now he's sort of working on k sounds and almost half of the words he says sound like cock um it's sort of was sort of a cock, like a Bastin guy saying cock. But he does say cock a lot. But that's not the moral of the story. So when he's going to bed, he says goodnight to me and I give him a kiss and a hug and everything. Then he says goodnight to the dogs and the dogs look up at him uncomprehending.

And then he says goodnight to a couple of things in his room. He says goodnight to a poster of Curtis Mayfield that's on his wall. And then he says goodnight to this goat. You have a goat? No, it's not a live goat, Vanessa. Well, anything can happen with Coke and sis running around. Yeah. You got Coke.

You got sis. We got the goat in the corner. And you got old goatee. Sissy looks a lot like a goat for a dog. Do you think she would eat a tin can? Yes. Would she ever eat dynamite and then Barney would have to lead her out of town whistling? Never mind.

Andy Griffith reference? No. No? Uh-oh. I just assumed you meant Barney the dinosaur. Yeah. Wait, what? Is that an episode of Andy Griffith reference? No. No? Uh-oh. I just assumed you meant Barney the dinosaur. Yeah. Wait, what? Is that an episode of Andy Griffith?

It's a great episode. A goat eats dynamite? A goat eats a whole bunch of dynamite, and they have to lean out of town, and Barney plays his little mouth harmonica, and they're like, that goat's going to blow. It's a great episode. That's terrific. May he rest in peace. Yeah.

Oh, I was so sad. Do you get to see the goat blow up? No. You get to see little pieces of the goat afterwards? Like the aftermath? Well, like Andy's face is covered in blood and some guts and Opie gets some entrails around his neck. But other than that, like nothing graphic.

Is that what turned Ron Howard dark? Yeah, it really is. I mean, I've read an interview with him and it was just, it's pretty sad how it went down that discussion. Yeah. So there was nothing between that and Frost Nixon, right? No. Like it was that exploding goat episode.

So we have this goat. We have this goat on our wall. It's a pin the tail on the donkey, but it's a goat. It's from, I'm going to say 1910-ish. It's very old. And it's named Billy Whiskers. Oh. very old and it's named billy whiskers oh and um i didn't realize when i bought i bought billy whiskers at a at a little sort of i don't know what you call it a curio shop and

you're the rich one sir on the boulevard in guinea peru um i i bought it in a little store. And when I bought it, I didn't realize this. But when I read it, it said, uses prizes, books from the Billy Whiskers series. So I was at the flea market this past weekend with my mother. And I was looking at a pile of books. And I found a book called Billy Whiskers, Tourist. Wow. Does he have a little camera around his neck? Well, this is pre

that type of camera. Oh, wow. Okay. He has a huge camera and a sheet over his head. He goes on a journey with a variety of barnyard animals. He leads the barnyard animals on a journey. I have not read the whole thing yet. When I say I have not read the whole thing, I just looked at the

picture in the front. However, I'm excited about reading Billy Whiskers Tourist. I think this is going to be great. I think it's a great title. Right. I think you could reboot that franchise. It's an iconic character. Yeah.

It's at least as iconic as John Carter of Mars. I think so, too. I'm not even sure if I got his name right. John Carter of Mars? Yeah. Yeah. I don't get him. You know what? I don not even sure if I got his name right. John Carter of Mars? Yeah. Yeah. I don't get him. You know what?

I don't even want to go there. I think as many people wanted to see John Carter of Mars as wanted to see Joe Carter of the Toronto Blue Jays. Am I right? Am I right, guys? That's cold. Am I right? That's cold. It's a story.

It's a movie about his great playoff home run. And aliens. And aliens. And when he battled aliens. Yeah, exactly. With so much mythology. Well, it's a lot like Battleship in that home run. And aliens. Like, and aliens. And when he battled aliens. Yeah, exactly. With so much mythology. Well, it's sort of, it's a lot like Battleship

in that they just added some aliens. Oh, sure, right, yeah. They took a thing everyone remembered, Joe Carter's great playoff home run, and then they added aliens. Works for me. Brian Fernandez remembers it. Our producer, Brian.

He fucking, he's there for me, Jordan. Whoa. He knows about a baseball thing that happened once. Why are you mad? I don't know. I'm not that mad. I'm just excited about Billy Whiskers. Yeah.

I got worked up about Billy Whiskers. I have not seen Magic Mike. I'm having a hard time. I've heard a lot of nice things about Magic Mike. There's a lot of nice things to say. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Oh.

But I hear it's maybe a- Too much plot. Right? Not enough half boners. Yeah. No half boners. Really? Well-

Can you at least see the outline of a boner? You can. Okay. There's dong, though, right? Isn't dong and boner the same thing? No. Well, dong is just a whappy. A dong can be a boner.

Here's the thing. Wappy flappy. Whenever there's a dong around, whenever there's a dong around you, it's a boner. I mean, I've never just seen a dong. Like, what else did I do? You turned into a delightful southern dandy there. I'm from Tennessee, so it's right under the surface. Oh, sure.

But you guys should really see Magic Mike. You're going to love it. Yeah? Mm-hmm. No, is there dong? You see a tip of a dong being sucked in one of those penis suckers. You know, a whore. Just kidding, not a whore.

Those pumper-upper machines. There's a dick pumper-upper machine? In the kind of lower left. But there's no just regular dong? No. Isn't that like the whole, why would Stoderberg make this movie and not put any dong in it?

I'm kind of pissed off. Yeah, well, Matthew McConaughey. You would just, they would just show his dong, right? It would be McConaughey's dong. It wouldn't be the young, hunky guy. I guess here's the thing, though. Vanessa, correct me if you have any firsthand knowledge about this, but at this sort of male strip club, don't you not see a dong?

No dong. There's no dong in there? I don't think. I've never been to one. But I also think that women are not particularly. I mean, I could be wrong. Yeah, you're not that interested. You're not like, let's see that dong.

It's like, ooh, he can dance. Maybe someone could love me and make me feel pretty. Right, sure. That's all women are looking for. He looks thoughtful. He would remember important days. All of those things are how I feel about dongs. Oh.

Yeah, like you could dance. Like, I want a dong that can dance, that makes me feel pretty. That's there on my birthday. Yeah, exactly. Always remembers my birthday. Ooh, exactly. Always remembers my birthday. Oh, I don't want that. Gets me flowers. Yeah, gets you the same

present every year, though. This guy. I don't know. As long as it gets me something from Tiffany's, I'm happy. Right? Sure.

A cum-covered diamond. Gross. Thanks, Wiener. That guy's the greatest. You know, the thing, yeah, the thing I heard is the marketing of that movie. Maybe it's even kind of like a sad movie about our faltering economy, but they've just marketed it as this gal's night out party. And you know what? Do you agree with that?

There's too much plot. I do agree. It's campy. Okay. And it knows it's campy, unlike Showgirls. It's trying to do that. But it's a weirdly edited movie. It's very...

They edit around the dogs. Yeah, there's all these holes in the screen. It's just like, I think there would be a dog in there. No, it's like there's a lot of plot and all. We're supposed to care that Channing Tatum makes tables. Fuck it, man. Dance. Dance, boy. That's the way I felt't know. We're supposed to care that Channing Tatum makes tables. Fuck it, man. Dance. Dance, boy.

That's the way I felt. Sure. Too much woodworking. Yeah. Not enough woodworking. Yes. Okay. Right.

For those of you at home, Vanessa was making a pelvic thrust motion when she said that second woodworking. Woodworking. And it was terrific. Thank you. Thanks so much. And for those of you at home, I've been making pelvic thrust motions for the past 41 minutes. And we've been seeing a lot of dong in the booth.

But I've been surreptitiously shaping this lovely end table. Oh, that's gorgeous. That is gorgeous. You should just dance. I know. I get that a lot. The fluting is tremendous, though. I do appreciate the fluting.

Thank you for noticing. He's a great turner. I used my dong. I used my dong to flute. We'll be back in just a second. On Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Right. Yeah, I'm a horse. But without a saddle. Right. But it's not sensual. Or gondola. It's just physical. Just put a blanket up there, you know? Sure.

All you need is a blanket and a grassy meadow. Hooves up and let's go. Hooves up, manes out. Hey, guess what? What? So last week on the program, we had a young Canadian Olympian on our show. We wanted to – and we launched an effort to buy her a laser gun. I saw this.

Buy Donna a laser gun. This was very important to us because she is a tremendously talented young woman and because it was fun to lead an effort to buy a laser gun. and because it was fun to lead an effort to buy a laser gun. If she was buying something boring like, you know, an airline flight, we probably would have said, go fuck yourself. Did she have any other laser guns? Was this to add to a collection? No, this was a key piece of her equipment that she needed for the Olympics that was going to cost her about almost $3,000.

Woo! So we put it up. We started a fundraiser. We shared it with a few friends. Within 24 hours of us putting it up. No. We raised $3,000 for Donna and her Canadian dreams. You should do that all the time.

Make up different people. Yeah, if anybody needs anything for the Winter Olympics. I don't know what the craziest sport is there. Or just new brooms for curling. Yeah, sure. I think we should only support Canadian athletes. Yeah, I agree. So now Donna is up to nearly $4,000 the last time I checked.

What's she going to do with the extra cash? So she said that the additional $1,000 or so she raised, she's going to use for some repairs she needs to do for her fencing equipment. Okay. To buy more lasers. She's a modern pentathlete. Whoa. So fencing is one of her sports. And her fencing equipment needs repair. So she's going to use it for that.

So fencing is one of her sports and her fencing equipment needs repair. So she's going to use it for that. And I just want to let everybody know that if you haven't given to support Donna yet, you still can. You can do it all month long. Go to Indiegogo.com slash laser gun. And that will help you support Donna. And Donna will get to – she's going to use all this money for her expenses directly related to the Olympics. Well, she should just get more, like, evil things, like a shark. Sure.

Get her enough to make a really good spy arsenal. Sure. Right, like an underground city. Or at least an underground lair. Maybe a conveyor belt that leads to a saw. Oh, yeah. Or, like, just boulders above all the doors that can be triggered. Sure.

That's a hard- A wall-sized computer that controls a warhead. Oh, yeah. That you don't even have to touch. You just get to wave your hands and conduct it. Right. Anyway. Donna, Donna, Donna.

You can aim it at any major city. Go to Indiegogo.com slash laser gun and you can help Donna out. And we have a related announcement. Donna is pregnant. With a laser baby. So we put out a request on Twitter. I put out a request on Twitter that said, are there any companies out there who want to support us to go to London and record a show in London at the London Olympics and see Donna?

Because this all came about because Donna emailed us and offered us tickets to her modern pentathlon competition. Donna is changing your life. And I'm not going to use the person's name because i don't i didn't ask them in advance whether i could use their name but uh a generous donor was so who was considering uh taking their family to the olympics anyway um decided that that they would bring us to the olympics in addition to. With their family? And so we're going on a family trip to London to record Jordan, Jesse, Go! during the 2012 Summer Olympic Games. Can Sophie and Savannah and Blake come? No.

Oh, no. Absolutely not. For one thing, one of them is dead. Blake has a Nintendo DS, so that'll be fun on the plane. Cool, cool. Fair enough. Do that'll be fun on the plane. Cool, cool. Fair enough. Do I get to play on the airplane? Do I get to play whichever portable video game system you're not playing?

Sure. I'll bring a few extras. Yeah, because you've got six or eight, right? I'll just play your game gear. More than I know what to do. Yeah, play my game gear. You guys are going to the Olympics. Yeah.

With a family. Yeah. I cannot get over this. This is going to be tremendous. You should compete. And we're going to the Olympics. Yeah. With a family. Yeah. I cannot get over this. This is going to be tremendous. You should compete. And we're going to do, we should compete. We should have thought of that, Jordan. You still have time.

Write us in. Write us in. Donna, in honor of Donna, you guys have to compete. Get some generous donor to be like, I'll let you in. I was planning on competing. Other countries, if you're out there, send your favorite Gab podcast. And I don't know if we can make this official or not. Right.

The Olympics of podcasting. Yeah. We'll see who podcasts better. What would be your Olympic sport if you were in the actual Summer Olympics, Jordan? Because for me, triple jump. Oh, yeah. Because hop, hop. I like it.

That's the sound of me doing a triple jump. I'm going to say... Javelin? Ooh, sexy. Swim punch? That's a good one. That's where you swim and punch, right? Yep.

That sounds fun. I'll do that. I guess I'd do ribbon dancing. Yeah. I bet that would be beautiful. Thank you. I saw when you were doing the pelvic thrust I'd do ribbon dancing. Yeah. I bet that would be beautiful. Thank you. I mean, you're clearly, like, I saw when you were doing the pelvic thrusts that you were graceful. Yeah, I tap into a lot of that.

But also, like, commanding. And love ribbons. I've talked. I can't imagine you won't be great at that. Thank you. I've talked before on the show about the girl from my high school who did the monologue from Double Dragon, the movie. Sure. Okay, so there was a girl in my high school recently uh popped up on netflix instant recently and i kind of want to watch

the double dragon movie um there was probably a terrible idea there was a girl in my high school who was distinguished by two one she was sort of sour and mean but she had reason to be because she was very unpopular but she had reason to be unpopular because she was a genuine fucking weirdo. Not just a nerd or interested in things, but a genuine weirdo and mean about it. So anyway. What brand of weirdo? So, well, for one thing, she insisted on doing a monologue in our arts class from Double Dragon the movie. That's a good kicker.

She was obsessed. And this is like pre-internet too, so she would have to watch Double Dragon and transcribe this. Oh my gosh. It's not like she can go to... Right. I'm the...

She also... This one works. She also... Jeez. She was obsessed with this show that came on after wrestling that was like wrestling but about martial arts called Something or Other Masters. I've never seen this program, but I remember her talking a lot about it in literature class.

Just to no one? She wrote some erotic poems that she read aloud about Elvis the Pelvis Stoico. I get it. Okay. Elvis Stoico was her fantasy bang. So one of the things. It was her magic mic. One of the things that she was really into was rhythmic gymnastics.

And she would do the ribbon dancing. Oh, wow. I don't think she had any training. I want to be clear about that. And she would do it in situations that were not appropriate for doing it. Yeah. would do it in situations that were not appropriate for doing it. Yeah, but I mean, just not even at the talent show, just in the lunchroom. No. Yeah, she was a mess.

This girl was a mess. I felt bad for her at the time until like on a couple of random, in a couple of random situations where I was trying to be nice to her, she was mean to me. And then I was like, oh, I guess I don't need to bother being. You've got your own thing going on. But, I mean, it all worked out because she was so good in The Avengers. I mean, Lost in Translation, I think.

She was really amazing in Lost in Translation. I mean, just that opening shot, am I right? It's just. Yeah. Yeah, breathtaking. And she did do some rhythmic gymnastics in that film, although I don't know if it made the final cut. I saw an earlier cut. Well, I mean, if you get the Criterion collection.

I was at the Coppola Man's. At the winery. Stopped at a curio shop and then off to the Coppola Man's. Yeah, exactly. So anyway, moral of the story is we have not confirmed the details of our show or possibly even shows in London. But we will be doing in public a Jordan-Jesse Go in London. And it will be the weekend of August 12th. That's so soon.

Yes. Oh, my gosh. You're going to the Olympics so soon. I know. Well, that's when the Olympics are happening. That's when the Olympics are happening. Oh, well, that's when the Olympics are happening. That's when the Olympics are happening.

So August, for those of you who live in not just London, not just the UK, but all of Europe. Whoa, that's an open invitation. Make your plans now because we're going to be there. We're going to shake your hand and make you laugh. Live at Wimbledon. We're going to eat a meal that has peas with it. Classic. Lots of peas.

Oh, man. Really? This comes with peas? Yeah. Jordan. Yeah. You and me are going to go to this fucking restaurant, man. Wow. This restaurant.

Pile of peas? I don't feel like I should be here right now. There's this restaurant. I don't feel like I should be here right now. I was in London last year, and on the recommendation of a friend, I ate at this restaurant called the Guinea Grill. Is that racist? I think it's like a guinea.

Like a guinea the corn. Like a guinea hen? Or a guinea hen. Yeah. One or the other. It's not a slur for an Italian. You're thinking of the Guido Grill. That's just out of the box.

Or the people of Papua New Guinea. Right, yes. Paopa. Pao-paoa. All the waiters have giant stone heads, right? We're going to eat a fucking mixed grill, Jordan. Great. You would not believe.

Great. We're talking about Scotch beef. Sure. They're a member of the Scotch Beef Association. You are? If you're wondering. No, the Guinea Grill is. Oh, I thought you were.

I was like, okay. Go ahead. Show me your card. Is there a blood sausage? By the way, I'm a member of the beef club. We're going to eat some sausages you wouldn't want to eat. Again, can we stop talking about Magic Mike? No.

Anyway, if you're in Europe, we are coming to Europe. This may be your only chance. The truth is we're not that popular in Europe. Sure. Not true. Oh, thank you. Have you heard otherwise? In Paris, you guys were all I heard of.

You're thinking of Jerry Lewis. Oh, you're right. Sorry. Yeah. What about when you were in Mallorca, though? I can't even talk about that. The Dutch Antilles? Mostly it was a blackout.

When you were in Majorca, that was, you were part of an international art thievery ring and you cannot talk about it. You cannot bring that up. Anyway, we're coming. And guess what? What? We're going to do a show at Comic-Con this week. Yes.

That's kind of a new development. Yeah. We are going to be on the – and if for some reason you don't have a Comic-Con badge and you kind of tuned out, you don't need a badge. You do not need a badge. This is outside of the Comic-Con grounds. Yes. This is at the – you can find information at the WB.com slash Comic-Con. But here are the specifics.

It's going to be Thursday at 5 p.m. at Bayfront Park between the San Diego Convention Center and the Hilton Bayfront Hotel. The event is called Extra at Comic-Con. I don't think we're going to be on Extra, though. Mario Lopez will probably be there. If we dish some celebrity dirt we will be. Well Mario Lopez is going to be there if you know if I buy him

a ticket. He travels with me but he travels with me but only at my expense. He's your boy Ward right? Your Dick Grayson.

He's my valet. Oh sure. Yeah. But anyway Thursday the 12th at Comic-Con 5 p.m., Bayfront Park. Extra. On the WB stage at Comic-Con Extra. And I'm actually doing some things on this same stage that you should probably stick around and see.

I'm going to be a judge in the Tournament of Nerds. Oh, that's a fun show. That's awesome. Absolutely. And then I'm going to do some stand-up at the Meltdown, which will feature our aforementioned friend Kumail Nanjiani. Bring it on. That's great. And you got a Steve Agee in there.

You got a Eugene Merman in there. That's a whole lot to like. So, yeah, that's at 7 o'clock, the Meltdown show. You know what's good about this, too? Outdoor venue. Keep out of that funk. Right. Outdoor venue.

The funk is nasty. Perfect for podcasting. Yeah, that's what you want. You want an, you want, when you're podcasting live. You want wind. You're looking for an intimate context. Near a train track. Yeah.

Open air, train track nearby, most people just there to play hacky sack. Right, and drink and not look at you. Mm-hmm. Hopefully we're near the beer garden. Oh, yeah. So some angry San Diego townies will hurl things at us. Yeah, I mean, I guess it's possible

that this thing, we are going to record it. We'll see how the fuck it goes, but we could really use your help. It's going to be great, you guys. Yeah. Thanks, Vanessa. You're welcome.

It would be nice if there were some people there. I know this is a late announcement, but it'd be nice if there were some people there who weren't just there to play hacky sack. Yeah. If we could get 15 or 20 people

that actually know who we are, that could form a core group of people looking at us. Or if you could get one person to steal hacky sacks. Yes. That would form an audience of the existing people. This is your art thief experience talking right now. Oh, sorry. Sorry. I lost a year of my

life. I'm not hostile about now. Oh, sorry. Sorry. I lost a year of my life. I lost all of that. Well, thankfully now you're in podcasting and of course you have that lovely curio shot. Yeah, I do what I can. So August 12th in London, Thursday, August 12th-ish

in London. We'll keep you updated and the info will be on MaximumFun.org as soon as it's confirmed. And Thursday at 5pm at Bayfront Park TheWB.com slash Comic-Con and we'll put this up on MaximumFun.org as well. We will be Jordan and Jesse going.

And Jesse, I think I have maybe heard some different times thrown around so I think people should definitely consult that website if they're coming to our show. Please do consult that website. Are you guys bickering? Vanessa, we love you.

We're just not working as a couple anymore. It's not you. I don't know how to explain this. This is because of me. Your father and I, it's your fault. Thank you for letting me be the father. You've done something wrong.

I'm just going to throw up. And Jordan's going to be there. And hey, guess what? Our buddy Scott Simpson's going to be there with us. Sure. I just talked to Scott Simpson. Boom, boom, boom. He's going to be in town.

I said, come join us. We'll do a bit. Scott Simpson from You Look Nice Today, that's as good as it gets. Okay, so we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm Vanessa the hair ragland.

She does have a nice head of hair. Great sponsors on this week's Jordan, Jesse, go. First, we have AskMetafilter, ask.metafilter.com, a great place to answer questions. Hey, I actually just used AskMetaFilter today. Tell me how. I was looking for somewhere to take my son for some family time. Not ice cream. He's 11 months old.

I don't sit there and feed him ice cream. I buy him an ice cream cone. What do you do? You want family time with him? He's 11 months old. Where are you going to take him? He eats some months old. I don't sit there and feed him ice cream. I buy him an ice cream cone. What do you do? You want family time with him? He's 11 months old. Where are you going to take him? He eats some yam. Jesse, if you need a place to take your son, the fire department has to take them, no questions asked.

But in all sincerity, I logged on to Ask Metafilter. I searched for kids in Los Angeles or something like that. And I found – I literally found a Q&A. I have an 11-month-old. I'm going to be in Los Angeles. What are some fun things I can do with my baby? Tar pits. No, I went to a park in Glendale.

Thank you very much. It was a lovely park. I had a lot of fun. Thanks to Ask Metafilter. Sounds nice. So there. Hey, let's take a look up on the Jumbotron here. Ooh.

Oh, what's this up here? We Only Know So Much, a novel by Elizabeth Crane, out now from Harper Perennial. Sounds pretty good. I'd like to hear more. Okay, great. Jessica Anya Blau says, not since the Royal Tenenbaums have I loved a family so much. If Blau says it, I'm on board. I love the Tenenbaums.

Yeah. High praise from Blau. I'm just excited. Anytime a listener of ours has an actual published novel, that's pretty good. It's terrific. You know, on a real publishing house, that's pretty fucking solid. That's a big deal. Yeah.

Shout out to Elizabeth Crane, online at ElizabethCrane.com. And also to Miss Blau. Sure. Who has a real future in reviewing. Sounds like it. J-A-B. J-A-B. Anyway, ElizabethCrane.com for more information about that book.

Also, Compass Rose Design Industrial and Victorian Adornments for ladies and gentlemen. Heirloom quality accessories crafted from real historical objects. Cufflinks, tie clips, and necklaces made with railroad uniform buttons, subway tokens, mechanical watches, and other intriguing antiques. Online at compassrosedesignjewelry.com, And they'll give you 10% off if you use JJ Go. And in fact, Jordan, I don't know if you know this. This company owned and operated by a good friend of ours from KZSC, Creek. Hey, all right then.

Our old pal Creek runs this. She's a wonderful lady. And I've seen these things. They are really quite beautiful. Sounds terrific. Way to go, Creek. I'm going to that website. Yeah.

For boys and girls, go to compassrosedesignjewelry.com. Type in JJ Go and you'll get 10% off. Get something pretty. And hey, oh. Maybe we can get some stuff to add to our, I mean, we are going to Comic-Con. I assume we're going full steampunk, right? Yeah. I mean, have you brassed up your top hat?

I have not. I should add some. Have you put the hinges on the goggles yet? I do have steam-powered condoms. Choo-choo. Which are very uncomfortable for the woman. Yeah. It's okay.

And we've got one more advertisement this week. Mr. Graham Clark. You know Graham Clark, Jordan. I do. The host of Stop Podcasting Yourself and popular stand-up comedian in Canada. And it's with regards to his popular stand-up comedy act that I write to you today, Mr. Morris. Dear Mr. Morris, our friend Mr. Graham Clark has a new stand-up comedy special. Oh, are you talking about the one I bought for $5 and laughed my ass off at?

Yeah, it is fucking hilarious. You're a dope if you don't buy it. Go to thestandupcomedians.com and you can buy it for $5. Five bucks? Hold on. No. You think that's a pretty good deal, right?

I do. Come on, five bucks for a whole stand-up comedy special from our friend Graham Clark, the guy with the beard from Stop Podcasting Yourself, is a good deal. But it gets better. But what if I told you that's $5 Canadian? So it's $4.98 US. No.

Yes. Wowie zowie. This is tremendous. We're all so excited about Graham's special. Graham is sincerely a super funny stand-up comedian. This is definitely worth your five bucks. For sure. Go to thestandupcomedians.com and you can grab it there.

Come on, five bucks. Grab it like a rabbit. Give me a break. Yeah, grab it like a rabbit. Only better because rabbits are pretty hard to grab. Yeah. Although when I was at Petting Zoo, I was at a Petting Zoo a week ago. Did you hurt a rabbit?

Please do not tell me you hurt a rabbit. No, I did not hurt a rabbit. I was ready. Come on, Vanessa. This is some sort of rabbit injury story. I don't want to hear it. I can't take it. The rabbits were-

It was a small petting zoo, and the rabbits were paralyzed by fear. Oh, they'll do that. I felt bad for the rabbits. They were in each corner of the petting zoo, just hunched into as small a ball as they could. Oh. Rabbits are skittery little fellas. They are. They're so sweet, though. I found one by the dumpster. Oh, you found a fun bunny? A live one.

And I was like, I want to save her. Well, actually, I didn't do this. This maintenance man was there when I was putting my things in the dumpster, and he was like, do you see that rabbit? And I was like, yeah. And he's like, he just handed it to me. He's like, can you please take care of this? And I was like, is this yours?

And he said, no, I found it, but it'll get hit by a car. So I took it in my apartment. I have two little dogs. They wanted to eat the rabbit, but I have a balcony, so I kind of set, I named her Tiffany, up on the balcony for a while. Because she was as beautiful as a cum-covered diamond. Exactly. That's what you have to name the rabbit

she glistened she glistened with cum and we found our shelter that was your roommate's fault yeah it's okay it was my husband

I don't care whatever he can do what he wants he can come on whatever right come on whatever that's part of our vows but Tiffany found a home

we have to hold a great rescue Sante D'Or oh Come on, whatever. That's part of our vows. But Tiffany found a home. A great rescue, Sante D'Or. Right here. I petted the buns. I made them feel happier. Sorry. The bunny rabbits. I'm fond of those buns.

Come on. I petted the bunnies at the petting zoo because I wanted them to feel like the big people around there weren't- Were gentle. Yeah, were very gentle because I am very gentle and I gave them some alfalfa. Oh, I bet they loved that. Bunnies fucking love alfalfa, I'll tell you. They sure do. Love the shit out of alfalfa.

I ended up putting Tiffany in the shower too. Bunnies in Jordan, actually. Oh. Yeah, do you have any? You have? Wait, you- Oh, I understand, no. Oh, okay.

Mm-mm. I'll eat a rabbit, too. I'll eat a live rabbit. You'll eat the fuck out of a rabbit. I'll just eat whatever I have starved. You're going to do that in London at that, uh. Oh, yeah, sure. If you want to get up.

New Guinea. If you want to get up on the Jumbotron, it's MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. It's cheap, it's easy, and if you want to be a real sponsor of Jordan, Jesse, Go, get a few episodes under your belt. Get a little repetition so it sticks in people's minds. It's easy. And if you want to be a real sponsor of Jordan, Jesse, go get a few episodes under your belt. Get a little repetition so it sticks in people's minds. Just email Teresa at MaximumFun.org. Wouldn't you want that? We'll set you up.

We'll set you up. Anyway, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, lovepsy Princess? Yeah. I mean, you're going above and beyond coming up with a different nickname for each segment. I can't remember my other ones. We've been using the same ones since we were 19 and 18, respectively. Sure. Yeah. It's probably better. I mean, consistency is good.

Add nauseam to the point of enraging many of our fans. I just don't want to be stuck with Gypsy Princess. I didn't like it. Yeah. I think Kappen's great. Okay. Just Kappen. I didn't like that one. I think Cap'n's great. Okay. Just Cap'n. Okay.

I like Cap. Like Cap Anson. Baseball Hall of Famer Cap Anson. The only downside with that is that you might get wrapped up in some game-throwing scandals around the turn of the 20th century. That could be difficult. And you sound like a hat. That's why I don't like it. Those are being mistaken for a hat.

There's two different issues with that. I can see that. Both of them huge. Look, when something momentous happens to our listeners, we ask that they give us a call, 206-984-4FUN, for a segment called Momentous Occasions. We have some momentous occasions. Let's hear the first. Hello, Jordan. Hello, the first. Hello, Jordan.

Hello, Dusty. Hello, guest. I'm Lydia from Iowa City, and I have a momentous occasion. I'm 25 years old, and I just got my very first driver's license. So a bit of a late bloomer, but I got there in the end. More powerful than ever. Thanks. Bye.

That was a really good voice. That's our slogan, more powerful than ever That wasn't just a It's a very strong ending It makes a good strong ending for a lot of things If you're speaking to the city council, for example Or a zoning ordinance Or a liquor license

Maybe something's polluting the groundwater near you I'm concerned about mercury Runoff More powerful than ever Good night Thank you Run off. More powerful than ever. Good night. Thank you for your time. More powerful than ever. Cheers.

I love that. I like somebody. Here's the thing. If we have listeners out there who don't have driver's licenses, number one, I respect that you don't have a driver's license. I didn't have one until I was 21 or so. Number two, I will say this. Uh-oh.

If you don't bother with learning to operate a manual transmission, which I have not in my 30 years on this planet, driving is shockingly easy. Right? It is amazing how easy it is. It is exactly how you think it would be from playing a driving video game, except that your car goes forward more when you're not pressing the gas. Right. There is that. That's the one difference between playing a video game and actual driving. All this is moot if the driving game you play most is Road Blaster.

Right. Whoa. That's got more blasting. Yeah. And more orb collection. But I would encourage trepidatious neophyte drivers out there. Just get out there. Just get out there.

I say take a driving lesson. My experience was- Controversial. I took two driving lessons. I just loved them. This nice Central American gentleman just showed me how to drive in a total of about two and a half hours.

It was very sensual. As the Central Americans tend to be. I didn't feel particularly dirty afterwards. Central sensuals. They give you a nice silkwood bath at the end. A silkwood bath, by the way, is where you sit in a nice

scented bath and then a bunch of men in radiation suits come and scrub you down with... Is this a real thing? No. You go to Silkwood shower like in the movie Silkwood. But then I misspoke. Well, there's a movie... It just sounded lovely.

I thought this was like a fresh milk bath or something. No, it's what happens when you're exposed to radiation. I thought this was like a fresh milk bath or something. No, it's what happens when you're exposed to radiation. Okay. They put you in this hose-down room and a bunch of guys in hazmat suits come in. Oh, no, no, no. And brutalize you until you're crying. I don't think that's fun. And also you're Meryl Streep.

You're also Meryl Streep, I think. Okay, I'll take it. I think it's Meryl Streep. She is the greatest American actress. Oh, God. Brian, make sure that it's Meryl Streep because it's been a long time since I saw Silkwood. Fuck a check. I was about 15 when I saw Silkwood, make sure that it's Meryl Streep. What an icon. Because it's been a long time since I saw Silkwood. I was about 15 when I saw Silkwood, but I remember it being Meryl Streep.

And sensual. So it's this brutal rub down that you get. Scrub down, I mean. With, like, it is Meryl Streep. With these kind of, like, you know, like a grill brush? Oh, no. That you use to clean the grill? I don't want to hear you talk about that.

That's horrible. Just rub that that's horrible so it's sort of like so it's sort of like that falls off well it's not metal but it's a similar type of thing and it leaves you crying in a pile on the ground and it's actually because the managers of the power plant are negligent but you're getting cars you're just trying to stand up for your rights of course what else can you do you're just living your life and you're just a worker a blue collar worker this is mama mia right you confuse your meryl street movies it's called the mama mia shower right sorry mama mia and then here i go again exposed to some radiation and at the end you figured out who your dad is oh and either way it's gonna to be good.

Uh-huh. You're never too worried. Anyway, so now that you know all that, you can really appreciate that I accidentally said Silkwood Bath. I do. And then I made up a whole story about what a Silkwood Bath is. It's what you do in a spa where you sit in a scented tub, flower petals, and then a bunch of guys in hazmat suits come in and scrub you down. Terrify you. Until you're crying. Great.

Next call. Jordan, Jesse, go. I was just riding my bike, listening to a podcast with Dr. Cornel West and Tavis Smiley interviewing Dave Eggers about human rights violations and oral histories and very heavy, deep stuff. And then I rode around a corner and there was a group of goth teens who were walking with all manner of assorted hair colors, long black pants with jeans on a hot day. And right as I rode by, thinking myself deep for the sake of this podcast,

the girl stopped and said, Oh, man, my hands are so small. I'm so high. And then the other guy said, no, you just have tiny hands. Yep, bye. Yeah. I liked how it started. I'm not going to look.

The number one, this guy called in just in the immediate aftermath, which is what we're usually looking for. That's great. That was great of him. Number two, this guy talked about Smiley and West. I like Smiley and West because it's two of America's yellingest public intellectuals yelling in agreement with each other. And I love everything that Cornel West does, particularly because no matter who the person on the other line is, he calls them brother so-and-so. So I'm sure when he was talking to Dave Eggers, he called him brother Eggers. And just thinking of Dave Eggers as being brother anything is just a magical, beautiful thing.

So I like that. I like the breathiness of the call. Where did it go wrong for you? It didn't pay off. Yeah. I mean, it's a little, it's cute. Well, it started to feel mysterious in a way. I thought we were going somewhere exciting with the black pants with chains.

I thought shit was going to get real. I thought shit was about to pop off. Maybe some sort of goth rumble. A goth fight, yeah. Like I rode my bike into the goths. No, it's just a little cute thing. But I'm glad that girl

has small hands. That's nice. No, it's sweet. And it'll help her if she wants to be a hand model for... Chinese seamstress. Or a Chinese seamstress.

Mm-hmm. She could certainly, I mean, making an oriental rug. Yep. That would be a wonderful thing because she can make the knots so tiny. Ooh, so efficient.

Nimble fingers. Like a goth oriental rug. Here's something I noticed. R-E, goths. Jesse, I was actually hanging around with some friends in the shadow of this building the other night. And we were looking for a place to have a drink. This very building that we're sitting in? Yes.

And we went to this place. Oh, God. It's across the street. I think it's called La Rosa. I don't. La Fonda? I think it's called La Fonda. Oh, yeah.

Legendary mariachi bar. Si. Anyways, we went into La Fonda. It was kind of the only thing within these couple blocks that looks like it would have a beer inside it. The craziest goth night I have ever seen was going on inside this thing. In La Fonda? In La Fonda.

And there was like a black and white, you know, montage of nightmare images going on on the wall. And, you know, I mean, you know, like these are like people who the population seemed to be people who were goth in goth's heyday. So these were older people, you know, mesh shirts. The men had white face paint on. And I want to I want to give a little context. Sure. Yeah. Venue here. Yeah. Because it was strange to me, too.

Just on Thursday, I was sitting here in the office. I was talking on the phone to my friend Raul Ojeda, the shoemaker behind Don V.A. Shoes. If you're in Los Angeles, you should stop by and meet him. Thank you. Thank you very much. I'm thanking you on his behalf. Of course. You were applauding Jesse's pronunciation.

Yes, I was. Raul learned to make shoes from this guy named Willie. Willie, short for Ville Baldo. Oh. Okay. And Willie and Raul And Willie is now 95 Something like that

Raul is about our age 30ish And Willie in his early To mid 80s would take Raul to La Fonda To take and have dinner And a drink and a mariachi show And talk about shoes.

And talk about shoes. So, yeah. So this and this was. This is a play venue for 85-year-old Mexican-American shoemakers. Right. And it wasn't even a thing where it was like, oh, you know, like we've talked a lot about, you know, the Mexican culture around here loves the Smiths and Morrissey and stuff. It wasn't even like these were white goths. Like these were –

No, the same thing happened to me at La Fonda. Jamie Flam and I a few months ago hosted like a benefit at the Hayworth, which is right next to La Fonda. You're talking about comedian and podcaster Jamie Flam. Yes. Darling McSchmoo. Jamie Flam, excuse me. Yeah. Jamie Flam extraordinaire.

And then afterwards – and it was like we got everyone to get all dressed up. What's the name of Jamie's podcast with- The Long Shot. The Long Shot podcast that I was a guest on. Great show. Great show. Great group of folks. Yeah.

But everyone was coming out and it was sort of, we called the night fancy and enchanting. Everyone was all dolled up. And outside of La Fonda, stretching around the block was the most people with black duct tape on their nipples I've ever seen. Yeah. It was like a scene and a half going into La Fonda, like stretching around the block was like the most people with black duct tape on their nipples I've ever seen. Like it was like a scene and a half going into La Fonda. Yeah. And yeah, this looks like people like if you had a your Halloween costume was goth guy. Yeah. Like it was that serious.

And was it like industrial music? Were you listening to Skinny Puppy? Here's the thing. Here's the thing that I thought was unusual other than everything else about this um so the music was you know just like a really really intense electronic music with like gregorian chants behind it like music to kill too i don't like you doing this um and but every fifth song was just like a goth classic. Like Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson, Beautiful People came up real late. And then like there was a couple of Depeche Modes.

But then it would go right back. If it wasn't like a goth classic that you associate with goth music, it went right back to. Oh. Yucky. So scary. a goth classic that you associate with goth music, it went right back to boop, boop, boop, boop. Oh, whoa. Yucky. So scary. It was so strange. And it's like, yeah, it's so funny that- So these were, would you say that these were goths who were goths in the Marilyn Manson

era of gothdom? Like 80s goth? I would even say more. Were these like throbbing bristles? Like 70s goths? Yeah, yeah. I was always thinking Bauhaus. That was my frame of reference this whole time.

So yeah, like even a little bit older than me. But every once in a while those just, you know, goth. Like if a bad, you know, action movie had to have, you know, Sylvester Stallone go into a goth club, they would pick one of these obvious songs. There's still, I don't know, that still is acceptableone going to a goth club, they would pick one of these obvious songs. There's still I don't know. That still is acceptable. And I thought that was weird. Can I say one thing about cultural specificity in Los Angeles? You may. wood bowl they're having a uh a musical celebration of the philippines uh hosted by apple the app

from the black eyed the world's most famous filipino he is the world's most famous filipino and in fact all of my uh filipino friends from college uh who were who were from southern california all defined themselves by their familial relation to Apple D. App. Like, what are they trying to get him to like run for the president of the Philippines at one point? I think they were.

Yes. Great. And so, but here's the thing about Apple D. App. It was Apple D. App. A lot of Filipino musicians and Apple D.

App would be joined on stage by special guests. Will I am and tattoo, which means that, which means that they had like a band meeting at Black Eyed Peas. Tattoo and Cece? No, Tattoo from the Black Eyed Peas. They had a band meeting and they all got together and they said, oh, and Apple Dapp said, I have some new business. He said, I'm going to be hosting this Filipino event.

No one will have heard of any of the Filipino musicians. And also, particularly Filipino popular music is notably terrible. It would mean a lot to me. It would mean a lot to me if you guys came. And Will.i.am was like, you know what? I've been down from the start. I'm there. And Tattoo was like, you know what? I've been down from the start. I'm there. And Tattoo was like, you know what?

You know what, man? I'm a little ethnically ambiguous myself. Don't mind if I do. Yeah. And then Fergie was like, yeah, I'm not really friends with you guys. Well, haven't the Black Eyed Peas been broken up for some time? Are they broken up? Yeah.

I mean, I think. It's not official, though, right? It's like Will though, right? It's like. Will.i.am has been making a lot of really, really awful solo music. And he's getting into movies too. He's starting to produce. Huh.

They all. I mean, they have all done that kind of stuff pretty consistently. I mean, Fergie had some solo albums while they were still the Black Eyed Peas. I'm not a super expert on the Black Eyed Peas. Yeah. Oh, come on. I have. Flaunt it. I own a Black Eyed Peas album.

Which one? Ella Funk? It's their first one. It was the one before. It's the one when they were still a semi-credible underground hip hop group. But they were never good at rapping. Even then, they were fun and good at dancing. But they were fun and good at dancing and they rapped about, you know, whatever, underground hip hop type stuff.

Well, I think this is more noteworthy if they have indeed been broken up for some time. What a reunion. That they're like, you know, what's the best place? Filipinos. To let everyone know we're back. I always thought it was fun that the Black Eyed Peas just got that white lady to be in the Black Eyed Peas. And they were just, and I just felt like it was came. I always personally like some people thought it was Craven or something.

I always thought it came from a place of mutual respect. Like they're like, you know what? Ropey white woman. I've been working a long time. You're super jacked. You look jacked. They're like, you know what? Let's be superstars together.

And she's like down yeah okay i failed at my other superstar stuff and they're like yeah it hadn't even occurred to us to become superstars until recently but we think you'd be a great addition to our crew yeah let's make a song with justin timberlake spin around on the ground yeah exactly exactly i always kind of thought that was sweet i hey you want to know something? You know what I think about Black Eyed Peas? Best case scenario for a horrible thing. That's great. Nothing wrong with the Black Eyed Peas. Black Eyed Peas song

comes on, they got a couple genuinely awful songs. But I think overall for that kind of thing, as good as it gets. They've been replaced by LMFAO, which is worse. Much worse. They they are very catchy. They've been replaced by LMFAO, which is worse. Way, way worse.

Oh, much worse. Yeah. A thousand times worse. They're filling that void. Yeah. A million. Think of how much worse LMFAO is than the Black Eyed Peas. A bunch.

Even just saying it. It's like there's no question. I genuinely hated that Justin Timberlake song that made them famous. What song? It's a positive vibe song called What's Wrong in the World Today or something like that. And it is the worst positive vibe song ever. Right? Yeah.

But you know what? I really don't mind a Let's Get It Started slash Let's Get Retarded. I don't mind a... I even like that Tonight's Gonna Be a Good Night song. I like I'ma Be. I wouldn't choose to listen to it. That's a fun one. Sure.

I wouldn't choose that listen to it. That's a fun one. Sure. I wouldn't choose that. And he comes on and I'm like, yeah, okay. They're lousy rappers. Who cares? It's a silly fun song

and they're good dancers. God bless them. God bless them, everyone. Taboo. That's Jesse's positivity time. Oh, I think you were saying tattoo when you meant taboo. Oh, taboo, yes.

And that's why I thought it was tattoo and CC. Tattoo from CC in the morning on 93.5 K-Day. Taboo. From the Street Fighter movie. He played Vega. Yes.

Brian, do we have any more calls? We got one more. Okay, let's run it out. Is it about Vega? Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. This is Lala in Oakland. This is Dhalsim calling from India.

I was just getting off BART and was walking past a man talking to his friend in the parking lot about how he's been reading the Bible. And he learned that there were two Judases in the Bible, and one of them wasn't the guy who turned Jesus in. So he's going to name his son Judas Anakin. His friend did not think that was a particularly good idea. Okay, thanks. Bye-bye. Whoa! Well, we got the middle name. We know what the middle name will be.

I think that call just gave me diarrhea. Oh, man. Are you sure it wasn't? It might have been the animal capsules. It might have been all the animal capsules that I've been eating. Oh, see, that's how you do a momentous occasion. That was done well. That's momentous.

Judas Anakin. And you back it up by being like, there was another Judas. He's lesser known, but everyone will understand that our kid comes from the other Judas. I know Bible expert. Is this just a crazy guy thing this guy heard? I don't think this guy could be crazy. Is this just some weird Da Vinci code thing?

It sounds like there was another Judas. And you know because if you add up the fifth number from every fifth sentence. You know who I think came up with this? Starhawk. Yeah, probably Starhawk. She came up with this. You know what? I'm not going to put down Starhawk. Wait, probably Starhawk. She came up with this. You know what?

I'm not going to put down Starhawk. Wait, is Starhawk a witch? I met Starhawk once. Wow. And she was a very nice lady. Did she put a spell on you? No, I don't think she put any spells. Did she do spells?

Did she combine? I think she does. My Starhawk expertise is based on stuff that I remember from when I was 10. Okay. So I don't want anyone to get upset about my characterization of Starhawk, but I do think that she does spell. Does she very tan

and wears a lot of flowy clothing and has long hair? No, I remember as being, um, she was, she was,

she had long hair and a little dumpy. That's how I remember her. It was, like I said, I was like nine or 10. Did she combine kind of third person

run and gun action with a little tower defense? Yeah, absolutely. Like the video game Starhawk? Yes. Okay. She was actually, you know what, though? That's a lie. Yeah.

She was a fox that led a group of star commanders. Oh, and one was a frog. It was sort of cartoon knockoff of the TIE Fighter series. Sure. But a very high-quality one, from what I recall. It's terrific. Yeah. Less of flights than more of a traditional shooter. Yeah. Exactly. Anyway

we'll be back in just a second with Jordan Jessico. It's Jordan Jessico. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Detective. I'm Vanessa Raggle Puppy. I'm a puppy. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris. Detective. I'm Vanessa Raggle Puppy. I'm a puppy. Oh, you kind of are. I love puppies. That explains why you peed on yourself.

And all the hair. You have those sharp little teeth, too. I like an aww. You know what? What? Thinking back, I really enjoyed this show. I did, too. I kind of hated it while we were doing it. Oh, yeah. I I really enjoyed this show. I did too. I kind of hated it while we were doing it.

Oh, yeah. I was really uncomfortable. It was a real slog. Right. Yeah. I mean, in hindsight. Sure. Wow.

You know what? I'm only going to remember the good times. That's smart. You know what they say. Hindsight is 20-20s. Mm-hmm. 20-20s? I think.

Yeah. Is that correct? It's a cash thing. Hindsight is- Hindsight is 60 minutes. If you have a hindsight. I'm Ed Bradley. What about front sight?

I'm Morley Safer. You're Ed Bradley and Morley Safer? That was really unfair. Fuck. That only leaves... What's his name for me to be? Andy Rooney and he's dead. Sorry.

Sorry, chump. I get to be the lady. You do get to be the lady. Can it be 60 Minutes 2 and I'm Charlie Rose? Okay. Thank you. Cool. Thank you.

Thank you. Hey, I want to give a shout out to the Jordan Jesse Go listener. I bought something on eBay. I bought a pair of trousers on eBay. You did? Yeah. I get this package at my house. It's addressed JJGoListener

slash PTO Reader blah, blah, blah Salt Lake City, Utah. And I'm like, oh, Christ. Somebody sent us a present. And if it's not food... What a horrible reaction

to a present. But I mean, if it's not food, I'm going to have to figure out something to do with it. You know, you can send us food. We can just eat it.

Yeah. But if it's not food, it's something thoughtful that you made. If anyone has any sauces or marinades, I remember we got some of those once. We did. Those were terrific. We got like an extra spicy ketchup I think you got. That was great. That was really good.

Yeah. Or our listener Gabe made my dog some dog treats that they loved. Whoa. That they loved. That's a beautiful gesture. Peanut some dog treats that they loved. Whoa. That they loved. That's a beautiful gesture. Peanut butter dog treats. Come on. That's what dogs like.

Give me a break. Okay. So I'm thinking about one thing. We've gotten a couple really – we've gotten a couple great gifts. Sure. I would say the baby shower for Simon that was a surprise event at MaxFunCon last year was a grand success. One of our listeners made him a baby blanket with a Maximum Fun rocket ship on it that could not be sweeter and is up on his wall. But, excuse me, but I was worried.

I was concerned. I understand. And so I open it. It's the pants I ordered on eBay. I say, what's this? The pants I ordered on eBay. I say, what's this? The pants I ordered on eBay. And he threw in a couple of neckties. Because he knew who you were and he loved you?

Because he loves our work. Oh, my gosh. And he was happy that I bought something from him on eBay. Did you get a necktie from him? I don't think I did. Do you want a necktie? Yeah, I'll take a necktie. I'll give you one of the neckties.

Yeah. I think that would be a nice gesture. I'll take one. So thank you to that listener in Salt Lake City. I'm not going to use your name since you didn't ask for us to use your name. But thank you. You know who you are, the guy who sent me a pair of pants from eBay. There's a few of them, but they'll all feel good about that.

Well, sure. I mean, I have a group of college jocks. Who send me trousers. I can't stop them. God, I have this saved search on eBay for vintage Abercrombie & Fitch because I buy, sometimes I buy or, you know, I run this eBay thing on my menswear blog that has links to quality items. And until the late 80s, Abercrombie & Fitch was a super high-end outdoor gear store.

No way. I didn't know that. Yes. What was PacSun? Same thing? Yeah, roughly the same thing. And so in the vintage categories on eBay, I have a safe search for Abercrombie & Fitch, and it brings in beautiful tweeds and safari clothes and stuff like that that I put in the eBay roundup. And unfortunately, some people are not good at choosing which, you know, category to put their auction in. And obviously on eBay, there's 10 trillion times more. A solid half of what's been coming in from this save search is a college jocks used Abercrombie & Fitch t-shirt.

Wait, that means there's a college jock that's like, well, fucking put this on eBay. That's a weird jock. It means that there's a guy who goes on eBay and bids on college jocks sweaty Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirts so that he can encrust them with his semen. Wiener jocks. You know what I'm talking about. I know. That's what an athletic homosexual is called, a wiener jock.

A wiener jock. I'm a real wiener jock man. Anyway, it's upsetting to me every time I see it. And because of the frequency, I've been seeing it once a day, I would say. Oh, I'm sorry about that. Yeah. It's upsetting to me every time I see it. And because of the frequency, I've been seeing it once a day, I would say. Oh, I'm sorry about that. Yeah. It's rough. Anyway, shout out to the guy in Salt Lake City.

That's probably his side business. Yeah. Sweating up a tea, sending it out. Sure. Mostly jocks listen to our show, right, Jordan? Probably. Feels like a jock. Like lacrosse types.

Yeah, like probably some like sport elements. Donna. Donna. Yeah, I mean, they can't get any more jocky than that. She's a foxy jocksy. Oh, that's what she has tattooed on her. Foxy jocksy. Foxy jocksy.

Sure. Anyway, come see us at Comic-Con, please. Sounds like a Mega Man villain. All you jocks who are coming out to Comic-Con, come see us. Mega Man X. TheWB.com slash Comic-Con. And as soon as we have a confirmed time and date, we're going to put it up on our website. MaximumFun.org.

I neglected to mention a Comic-Con thing when we were talking about it. I am moderating a panel at Comic-Con. I am going to be buying a lot of comic books. I will be, yes. So please sell them to me. I'm going to be moderating a panel. It's also Thursday. I think it's at, oh, gosh.

Yeah, again, something you're going to have to check the website for. I don't have the exact time on this, but it is going to be around noon and it is the Cartoon Network has a new Mad Magazine cartoon show. I'm going to be moderating the panel. Sergio Aragonese will be on the panel.

Oh, very cool. So yeah, so it should be a lot of fun and it's totally been, you know, as a Comic-Con goer since childhood, it's been a little bit of a dream to moderate a panel. Oh, that's awesome. So, yeah. So please check our various websites and stuff for when that's going to be. I'm sorry I don't have an exact time. But it's Thursday in the afternoon.

Come to it. It'll be a lot of fun. Vanessa Ragland's podcast, Pop My Culture, very funny with our friend Cole Stratton. And can I say about a Spangler show that's coming up? Yes, of course. Okay. This is happening Wednesday, July 11th. This is a stage reading of the Adam Sandler movie Spanglish.

Obviously. I mean, that's what we do. Jamie Flam and I. It's you, Jamie Flam. James O. Brooks. Now I have a new bucket list. I'm always getting those. Jamie and I do this show called The Spanglers,

and we've done it all over LA and at Sketchfest and what not it's like sort of it's a musical bizarre ride a little weird show you described it to me earlier as Donnie and Marie meets Tim and Eric and I think that is kind of an apt description

it's very trippy we have a little band and it's so much fun and this Wednesday if you're not headed to Comic Con yet you can do this at 8pm at the Comedy Central stage and it's so much fun. And this Wednesday, if you're not headed to Comic-Con yet, you can do this at 8 p.m. at the Comedy Central Stage, and it's a free show. We're really excited. We've got so much fun, new stuff, and we have beautiful cloaks. And shows at the Comedy Central Stage are free. Yeah, they are free. All you have to do is make a reservation.

Yeah, just Google Comedy Central Stage. It'll pop up. You call, and you don't even have to talk to someone. You leave a message. Leave a voicemail. It's so relaxing. You call and you don't even have to talk to someone. You leave a message. It's so relaxing. I got really nervous about that situation. You do this when you get all puffed up. You just call the Comedy Central Stage. I'm just like, I can just leave

a message. No one's going to answer. Comedy Central Stage. I've got a lot wrapped up in. I'm really worried about this. I just had a day. I'm really worried about this souffle I'm making for my boss. It's never going to work out right. And then I feel better. But if you can come

to that show, I think it's going to be wonderful. Really excited and it's really happy and fun. Well, no matter where you live, you can listen to Vanessa's podcast and it's a lot of fun. Fun show. You got any cool guests coming up? What's the coolest recent guest? You have a lot of cool pop culture guests on the program. We had Joe Dante recently. Oh, that have a lot of cool pop culture guests on the program. We have a lot of cool

We had Joe Dante recently. Oh, that's a lot of cool. That's great. That was really cool. We just had Jake Fogelnest last week. Yeah, the very funny Jake Fogelnest. Very, very funny man. And this week we're releasing one with Kathleen Rose Perkins from Episodes. And she's funny. So we've had a really

great run and it's all, you know, such different people. And we're going to be at Comic-Con, and we might be catching some people there as well. Largely, but not exclusively, people from Freaks and Geeks. Mostly. We have covered that pretty thoroughly. That's a niche. Everyone needs a niche. Sure.

You had the guy who sold them the fake IDs and the one where they went. And the guidance counselor was the band at the bar. The guy at the suit store. Yeah. 206-984-4FUN, our telephone number. JJGO at MaximumFun.org, our email address. You can visit us online at MaximumFun.org. That's where our forum is.

A friendly forum. Sure. Some people are scared of the forums. No flame wars. There are zero flame wars on our forum. It's like leaving a voicemail. Don't be afraid. Do not.

This is like the most pleasant place. People are making meetups. There was a Minnesota meetup in the Twin Cities recently. You're bringing people together. This thing's a blast. People are having fun. Hey, might be a fun place to coordinate hanging out at Comic-Con with us. Absolutely.

Anyway, our theme music, Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. Vanessa, thank you. Thank you, guys. That's so much fun. Oh, my gosh. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. You will? Oh, Records. Vanessa, thank you. Thank you, guys. That's so much fun. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan and Jessica. You will?

Oh, Brian Fernandez on the boards. Thank you, Brian. Thank you, Brian. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan and Jessica.