Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 243: Now That's Jungian with Kevin Allison

Episode Date: October 1, 2012

Kevin Allison from The State joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Las Vegas, Robert Krulwich, bicycle safety, and Kevin's storytelling podcast and newest member of the Maximum Fun podcast family, RISK!.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Solomon, friendly, go.

We're joined by the great Kevin Allison. And we go to Las Vegas, and guess what? We're bringing shrooms. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Hey, how you doing, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Hey, how you doing, Jordan?

Doing all right. Fresh, fresh, ready to go? Well, here's kind of my state. Let's talk about your state for a second, Jordan. Let's get this out of the way up top. Jesse, so we had a show this weekend at the Riot Comedy Festival. weekend at the Riot Comedy Festival. Yeah, this is a relatively early relative to broadcast record for us.

Did that make sense? Yes. Okay. Yeah, so we had a – and this was a really fun thing and it happened downtown, like a little – kind of they had – there's a little block with some bars and venues and they have – and they had comedy shows all weekend. So you could kind of buy a pass and you could just kind of pop in and pop out to all these venues and see comedy shows. Downtown Los Angeles is unusual in that it has specific industrial districts.

So there's the fashion district with Santee Alley. There's the toy district where you can buy wholesale toys. There's a flower district and there's the alternative comedy district. Right. Where you can just buy like a big, just a big sheet of comedy uh-huh sure you buy it by the yard yeah exactly laughs by the yard it's imported and poorly translated but it has enough ironic racism to pass for alternative comedy right um and uh so so you know i was i I had a nice time this weekend kind of popping in and popping out. But it seemed like no place on this block was zoned for liquor.

Every place only had like a beer and wine license and it was a bazillion degrees. So I always kind of wanted to be drinking something. And water's no fun. So I feel like I just had two straight days of just drinking Tall Boys. And I feel like I'm a booze balloon right now. I just feel so waterlogged. Like I feel like I can't pee enough. I feel like I should just be constantly peeing.

Let's bring our guest in because he was there this weekend as well. You know him, of course, as the host and often the star. I'm just going to come out and say it, of the newest MaximumFun.org podcast. Yeah, I said that too. Risk, Mr. Kevin Allison. Hello there. Kevin, how are you? I'm doing great. I'm doing great. Feeling a little bit like a booze balloon myself. Right.

You don't look like it. Oh, thank you. Are you saying that if there had been a liquor license, you would have been wandering around holding a dry martini? Yes. Right. And today you'd feel fantastic. Well, what I would have done is I would have put a couple of Cosmos in my baseball helmet that has straws attached to it and just walked around like that. That's classy.

That's interesting. That's classy. That's interesting. I knew that there was trouble when we showed up at this festival and the guy who owned the bar that we were performing in, which was some kind of metal bar. Yeah. A Latino metal bar specifically. Yeah, appeared to be. That guy showed up about an hour after we were supposed to be there, and we just had to stand in the 95-degree sun for an hour. Yeah. I mean, I think to answer your question, what I would have done if there was a liquor license, it would have been kind of a – what I find is a fun solution to drinking cocktails and it being really hot out is asking for your cocktail in a tall glass so they put more soda water in there. There you go.

So you can get refreshed and also have a cocktail. And also super plastered. They were in the parking lot serving a new product called Air, which is water infused with alcohol. French techno music. Oh, alcohol. Wait, water infused with alcohol? Yeah, I think basically it's like one part rubbing alcohol. And one part natural Canadian spring water.

That is a product that you cannot claim is for anything other than getting drunk. That's true. That's like there's no reason to drink that besides you can't say I'm appreciating the scotch, the woodsy notes. Right. Whatever. You're just like, well, I'm not drunk now, but I hope to soon be. Yeah.

Well, you know, people have come out with the whole thing where you can just inhale alcohol, too. Yes. In New York, there were a couple of bars where you go in and you just take alcohol through an inhaler from the bar. You put like a mask on your face, like an oxygen mask. It's like those oxygen bars, only the air is – it's like a vaporizer for alcohol. Part of me is wondering how does that work scientifically, but the other part of me doesn't want to hear a long science explanation. Because you're in a sort of party mindset.

Right. Wow. That's incredible. Is that – God, how – that's dumb. The thing about all those things is you lose the sense of like doing it. You know what I mean? Yeah. I actually feel the same way about

vaporizers for marijuana like sure i can't like oh well i can't really taste or even know how much i'm taking in here yeah i would rather know i'm screwing up my lungs sure and i think i mean i guess i think i like having a drink more than I like being drunk. Of course. Yeah. Like being drunk is fine. It can be fun sometimes. But I think having a drink is one of the best things in the world.

It's the journey there. Yeah. Like why would you want to take that part out of it? Yeah. Anyway. Because it's – that way you can get drunk faster and yeah less calories you're wearing short shorts yeah right right that's right this is being in the short shorts community is that correct i don't know a lot about i saw man when it gets hot in los angeles the short shorts

come out and um like on the one hand you're thinking thinking that's good because you like to see girls in short shorts. Some pre-butt. Yeah, just some pre-butt. But the problem is that most people that wear short shorts are a mess. That's why they chose to wear short shorts. And that is reflected in their personal aesthetics. Sure. I saw a woman who was wearing short shorts this morning at like 8.30. And granted, 8.30 in the morning is not when you're just not ready to look at that anyway.

Sure. One way or the other. But she was such a disaster area walking down the street that it made me not want to be sexual ever. Just give up on sex. Yes, I just gave up on even just for reproduction. Yeah. Simon's going to be an only child now. Sure.

You're going to join a eunuch's choir. I was just like, can I just... Oh, I mean a Linux choir. I was just like, can I at least have some orange juice first or something before you start throwing this shit at me? So wearing those kind of like sneaker heels. You know what I'm talking about? It's like heels, but they're sneakers too at the same time.

She looked like a prostitute in like The Naked Gun or something like that. Like in a broad parody like on a, in like the naked gun or something like that. Like in a broad parody of urban life. And at 8 a.m. That's the part that I really want to like. She's probably coming back from a party. Yeah. Probably just got done partying. She should carry orange juice with her.

Yeah, just to pass out. Just to give, get people a little blood sugar. A nice cup of coffee. So they can handle this shit. You know what I mean? I just need some help handling this shit. Just a handful of bacon. Here you go.

Sit down. Anyway, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Goe, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Who is supporting us this week? Well, there's ask.metafilter.com, as always. They're always supporting us. They're fucking great. Aren't they?

The best. I love them. Thousands of life's little questions online at ask.metafilter.com. You should go there. Oh, yeah. They'll answer your questions. You can answer somebody else's questions. You freaking know it all.

Somebody goes online and says, like, oh, is Jim Tomei retired? And you can answer and say no. You don't have to bother me about it. Anyway, ask.metafilter.com. Hey, the Mission Comedy and Burrito Festival, which we are very shortly going to be appearing at, go to sfcomedyandburritofestival.com. If you use the code MAXFUN, you get $5 off a festival pass. You should do that. God, there are so many people, funny people at this thing.

This thing is a real extravaganza. I feel like this is a very carefully curated festival. I feel like this is a very carefully curated festival. And if you are only familiar with the names of people who are in the cast of Mr. Show, just trust us that there are a lot of brilliant people. Can I throw out two names? A lot of great comedians from Seattle, L.A. Yeah, sure. Okay.

Maybe you haven't heard these names. You should. These are two very funny people. While you're at the SF Comedy and Burrito Festival, you're going to want to see Paul J. You're going to want to see Brandy Posey. Very funny people. These are funny people. See them.

And I will also mention that we have two shows at the SF Comedy and Burrito Festival. We expect you to attend both. At Jordan, Jesse, go. We will be joined by our friends Scott Simpson and Merlin Mann from You Look Nice Today. They will be our special guests. That will be on Friday. And then on Saturday, we're doing International Waters. Jordan is going to be on the panel. He's going to

be empaneled, representing Southern California against Northern California. I expect Northern Californians to represent at this fucking thing. There's a bunch of guys in Dodgers hats at this thing. Oh, man. Oh, boy. Man alive. Jordan, you're going to get to be the heel. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, sure. I'll come out twirling my mustache. Yeah. What do they call that in wrestling? Oh, and also on the panel with me, representing Southern California, Barbara Gray. Very, very funny. Very funny. And we're going to have a special celebrity guest there, Mal Sharp from Coil and Sharp. It's always really fun to see Mal.

Mal, of course, is a San Francisco legend. He is a local radio DJ still. He's on the of course, is a San Francisco legend. He is a local radio DJ still. He's on the jazz station. He has a hot jazz show. He has a famous hot jazz band called the Big Money in Jazz Band. Great. Because the big money's in jazz. He's sort of a North Beach legend. There is actually

a mural of Mal Sharp in North Beach in San Francisco. And delicious Italian food. One day I was driving down the street, I'm like, hey, that's a giant mural of Mal Sharp. And I emailed Mal, I'm like, hey, that's a giant mural of Mal Sharp. And I emailed Mal, I'm like, Mal, is there a giant mural of you? He's like, yep, San Francisco legend. There you go.

He didn't say that, he's a modest man. And guess what? We have something up on the Jumbotron here. Yeah, here we go. Oh, Gumsphere 3000. It's a multidisciplinary, excuse me, multidisciplinary traveling roadshow festival and checkpoint rally across North America. It takes place over three weeks in October through November across both Canada and the United States.

There's artists, there's comedians, there's musicians, and they're going to pile into eight Ford Festivas and entertain people in 30 cities. You can find out more information about this at Indiegogo.com slash gumsphere300 or gumsphere300.com. Yeah. We also have a personal message to Pete from Colin. Happy 30th birthday to the future Dr. Selig. Five years ago, you introduced me to Jordan Jesse Goan Max Fund, and my life has been all the more awesome since. Oh, that's really nice.

That's a fun male-to-male Jumbotron message. We don't get a lot of male-to-male Jumbotron messages. No, M2Ms is what we're looking for, and A2Ms. M4M. Yeah. We'll be back in just a second. 420 friendly. 420 friendly.

It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, la, la. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Kevin Allison here. Kevin, it's great to have you on the program. Very fun to have you on the program. Oh, it's great to be here. We recorded.

Kevin was our guest on the live show that we just recorded. I think that's going to end up being a bonus episode for Jordan Jesse Goh fans. But, Kevin, it was a delight. You were a delight. We said, Kevin, are you still going to be in town on Monday? Let Jordan and Jessica fans, but Kevin was a delight. You were a delight. Kevin, are you still going to be in town on Monday? Let's do this thing. Here I am. Let's bring in the crew. Yeah, I think you're the first ever back-to-back guest. Oh my goodness.

Yeah. Quite a distinction. Hey, Kevin, stick around. Let's make it back-to-back-to-back. Am I right or am I right? The beast with three backs. That's what they call us when we go out. Yeah. When we go out to the alcohol oxygen bar.

Oh, boy. Yeah. I did some going out in Las Vegas at the Public Radio Program Director's Conference. Hey. That's how you want to do Vegas. I think I've talked about the Public Radio Program Director's Conference on this show before. It is the most life-crushing, soul-deadening. It is so, so horrible.

And it's not – Public Radio Program Directors certainly are out of my demographic. You know what I mean? These are not – Can you just give maybe a little baseline explanation as to what this is. So the Public Radio Program Directors Conference is an annual conference of all the program directors of public radio stations around the country. The program directors are generally the people who set the schedules. They're often the people who are the sort of bosses of content for their stations. stations. So it ranges from people who work at stations that have, you know, where they're also the general manager or stations where there's, you know, two or three total employees and a couple of people that come in as board operators to, you know, program directors from KPCC or in Los

Angeles where they have a 50, 75 person, 100 person newsroom. So all of these people are, and newsroom. So all of these people are... The first year that I went, I had visited already once WNYC in New York, which was the first station to ever pick up Bullseye. And I had at that point, I think also maybe visited KCRW in Los Angeles. And those were the only public radio stations I had been to. And they lived up to my expectations of what a public radio station was like just to say i thought like it would be a lot of people that were into they were like 50 ish but like in like 1980 they were into art rock yeah you know what i mean sure like some david burn types is loosely the category of people that I thought there would be. One of their key interests is Bauhaus.

Yeah. I thought there would be a smattering of David Byrne types along with a certain number of Bon Iver types. Yeah. And that's not the case nationwide. Nationwide public radio program directors, there's certainly a range. But they are on the whole, they were not what i pictured they were not that they were they're they're people who wear a lot of overalls no they're they're not like beverly hillbillies no it's a it's a very earnest um it's like people who are involved in community organizations.

Oh, I mean, it sounds like a perfect group to take with you to Vegas. Yes, exactly. It seems like such an odd choice for a venue for that kind of thing. I mean, if I was to think like, okay, where do you take the public radio elite to winem and dine them? You go to Madison, Wisconsin, Vermont, the whole state. You just have it on a dairy farm in Vermont. Yeah.

Maybe. Ben and Jerry. Maybe if you wanted to remind them about how much of a blast the 60s were, maybe Berkeley. So maybe that's where you go when you're like, OK, we need to knock this up. So it's a reminder when you go to this conference of how nationwide public radio is, because the real power you imagine a kind of Madison, Wisconsin or Berkeley vibe, or at the very least, you imagine a sort of downtown-y vibe. But the truth is that most public radio stations are in other places because most of America is in other places.

You know what I mean? So they have these conferences all over the country. I went to one in Baltimore. There was one in Cleveland. So they have them in miscellaneous places. And the best you can hope for, honestly, usually is the conferences downtown so that you can at least go to whatever the nicest, coolest restaurant in that city is. You know what I mean? And just that will be your moment of rest.

Yeah, you don't have to go to the Chili's by the hotel. Exactly. Yes, exactly. Because the problem is if it's in Phoenix, you know what I mean? It could very easily be on one of the many long abandoned stretches of highway in Phoenix, in metropolitan Phoenix. And then you're fucked because you won't ever get to go to Alice Cooper's restaurant. Yeah, exactly.

Something I like to bring up every time someone says Phoenix. Right. But I mean, if you're in downtown Phoenix, you think there's probably one cool restaurant in downtown Phoenix or in downtown San Diego or whatever. There's a cool neighborhood with a couple of vintage clothing stores in every city in America, I think is our theory. And you could go to that and have a nice dinner. But Las Vegas is like, it's interesting. Like the hotel that we were in was called the LVH, which once stood for the Las Vegas Hilton. And then they were no longer a Hilton, presumably because Conrad Hilton stopped in, saw what a fucking nightmare it was, and put the kibosh on the whole thing.

So now LVH – The distinct – here's how I know the Las Vegas Hilton. It used to be home to like a Star Trek experience. I had a, um, I had a girlfriend in college who was very into Star Trek and this was like our, we did our first like couples vacation out to Las Vegas to go to this Star Trek experience. Cause you were super classy.

Right, exactly. Um, and yeah, and I am not, I am not into Star Trek. It's part of this like weird old guard nerd stuff that I never picked up on, like never having like an older nerd to look up to. I will interject.

Yes. A lot of Star Trek fans at the PRPD conference. Continue. Sure. I would – yeah. But like, yeah, like Star Trek, Dungeons and Dragons, Doctor Who never – always just seemed boring to me. Yeah. But I was eyeing both.

That's because they're pretty boring. I think the one thing from that category that I did pick up on was like Monty Python, but just accidentally. Well, that's because Monty Python is almost perfect. It's basically the greatest thing that's ever existed. Although I will also say also a little bit boring. A little boring. A little boring. Yeah.

Did you not even, I'm sorry to derail, but did you not even watch like Star Trek? I remember watching Star Trek The Next Generation when I was like 10. I was never,

I was thinking about this because it's been the anniversary of that or something. And so there's lots of public radio stories on the subject. Yeah, yeah.

They're doing a thing now where they're showing seminal episodes in movie theaters. Oh, yeah. Of Star Trek. Of Next Generation? Of Next Generation. Wow. Because you want to see that on the big screen. You want to get as much Whoopi Goldberg as you can.

But I do remember watching it on Channel 44 in San Francisco and enjoying it. Yeah. Not even that? Yeah. Next Generation is boring to me. I can't do it. Okay. Yeah.

I love that new Star Trek movie. It was a lot of fun. I enjoyed that. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah. I liked all the parts except for the part where he was driving the Mustang and they were going, and they were playing like Sabotage or something like that.

Oh, yeah. I was like, Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah. Could this be more on the nose? Yeah. Yeah, couldn't this be more on the nose? Yeah. Yeah, so we went to the Las Vegas Hilton

for like a big weekend and they have a, they have like the Ferengi bar and you get a big like cocktail with like dry ice in it so it smokes

and you know, there's one of those rides where you sit in it and it jerks around while they like play a movie so it feels like you're moving so there's one of those rides where you sit in it and it jerks around while they play a movie so it feels like you're moving. So there's one of those that's Star Trek themed. Does it have Pee Wee Herman? No, no.

It is not Star Tours. It does not have the robot with the voice. I just assumed that all space simulators had Pee Wee Herman in them. Unfortunately, this does not. That would be a good rule, though, going forward. Yeah, I mean, I think so. Find a way to incorporate Pee Wee Herman into. They redid Star Tours. Does that still have have peewee herman in it good question i haven't been since they redid it i well we're gonna get some emails folks are gonna let us know please let us

know thanks in advance um so yeah so i i i went there for the las vegas hilton and had just kind of a nice time okay so let me tell you indulging indul time. Okay. So let me tell you about. Indulging, indulging someone else's. Let me tell you about the Las Vegas Hilton 10 years later. So now LVH stands for the Las Vegas Hotel. They just, I think what happened is they didn't want to come up with a new sign. There's this huge, like, you know, five story tall sign that says lvh on it um and i think that they just didn't want to you know do anything they it's this the scene at this hotel is such a fucking shit show it is okay so let's talk about the star trek theme ride yeah so the star trek

theme ride i presume when when you took maybe you could describe what the scene was like the ferengi bar it had this thing that you go into um yeah you know actually when i when i was there i remember noting that it just seemed like vegas touristy people it was just like yeah it was just like overweight fanny pack people but it didn't see i'm like i even kind people. It was just like, it was just like overweight fanny pack people. But it didn't seem, I'm like, I even kind of thought it was cool.

Like, oh, there's a bunch of Star Trek people here like in costume and it's a bunch of like fun nerds. I was kind of excited. But no, it was just tourists

when I went. But it's full on, it was full on decorated with Star Trek. Yeah, yeah. So it looks like you're on board the Starship Enterprise.

You know, the USS Enterprise. Or inside the Borg cube. Yeah. I don't know. Something about Whoopi Goldberg's character, whose name I don't remember. So this is what it is now. They have lost the license for Star Trek.

They have removed the ride. They have removed the ride. They have removed all of the signage that said Star Trek or USS Enterprise or Ferengi or whatever. Everything else remains. It's now called the Space Bar. Yeah, that's just about the laziest rename of all time. There are huge TVs that I presume used to play things that look like maybe they were supposed to be windows into outer space or maybe they played episodes of Star Trek or something.

They're, you know, like 10 foot across TVs. They now just play baseball games. Spaceball games? Baseball games. Okay. They could have at least made it Spaceball. Or the movie Spaceballs. You just want to have a couple of NESs set up so you can play Base Wars.

Yeah, Base Wars. Baseball Simulator 1000. So it is sincerely, me and Jonathan Colton, our friend Jonathan Colton was at this conference because he is the co-host music provider on a new NPR show. We tried to go in there and have a drink. And you could go in, but there was no bartender. And so we ended up somewhere else. But it is this sincerely the saddest place you could possibly go.

Because when they took down the signs, they left the sort of like holes in the decor where the signs used to be. Oh, wow. So it really looks like it is abandoned, but it's not quite abandoned, but they do have like, they have a special VIP area for people from a local radio station

and it is a smooth jazz radio station. There were, the most people I saw in there was maybe five outside of when i was in a group of seven or eight walking through there to get to the las vegas monorail station you know god yeah it's so funny with the smooth jazz thing it is almost like las vegas even almost has a problem like public radio has it seems it's like they want this to be a place where young fun you know tastemakers go but ultimately it's just 50 year old midwesterners on vacation like honestly that's your group and trying to attract the other group is you know is noble you would

think but nah this is just kind of a place for for uh middle-aged assholes yeah i mean it really like just the collective sort of middle-agedness of the whole thing and you know we're this is on sort of one end of the strip and went down to the other end of the strip and did some of that kind of stuff and the sort of general air of not really sadness, more like dopiness. Yeah. And I don't want to give the impression that I think a place full of middle-aged people is sad. But I think I maybe am trying to – I guess what I'm trying to get across is like people who are with no like particular taste. Yeah.

They just want something. Yeah. Right. They just want something. Yeah. Right. It's not, it's not cool. It's not, you know, taste making people who will tweet about your,

you know, swim up bar. Yeah. It's not, it's not that guy in the Liberace museum who was the director of the Liberace museum and asked me and Teresa to like them on Facebook because they want more social media. So younger people would come check so younger people would come.

More younger people would come. Kevin, what's been your Las Vegas experience in the past? Zero. Really? Never been, huh? I have never been to Las Vegas. I am afraid of gambling. You know, I am an addictive personality type. I don't drink anymore.

I do still smoke. But no, gambling is just one of those things where – Wait. Smoke drugs? Yeah. Yeah. I get all doped up on the – What's the – what's the – like what's that choice like when you think of like, oh, I'm not going to drink but I am going to smoke?

Was that a conscious thing or did it just work out like that? It was a very conscious choice. When I was – right about when I turned – you see, the state broke up in 96 and I spent several years thereafter mostly just drinking. That was most of what I was doing. It seems like, I mean, it's from the impression that I get from having talked to other state members, all of whom, I mean, every single one of you guys in this enormous comedy group are now somewhere between moderately and very successful in show business, which is sort of amazing. very successful in show business, which is sort of amazing. But it seems like because everyone was so young when the state was happening, because everyone was like 21 and 22, which is absurdly young to have your own television show,

that the like five years afterwards were just a disaster for everybody. Like everybody's just like, yeah, I worked at the Gap. I don't even. It was a train wreck. Yeah, yeah. Everyone was – because we had never really consciously decided we're comedians. We had just like become a comedy group in college, then had a – then we're on MTV immediately upon graduating. And so there was no trial and error, you know, starving artist period. We were – I mean not that we were making any money at MTV.

But we had the feel that, we had the feel like, oh, we're the Rolling Stones. We're going to be successful forever. I think when Carrie Kenny was on The Sound of Young America, I might be misremembering this, but I think it was Carrie said that at one point, while the state was on TV, she ran into the programming head of MTV at a party where she was working as a cater waiter. Oh, that happened to me, too. And this was well, this was after we got fired.

I was taking a tray working for Glorious Food at like the Grammys or something like that. something like that, realized I was taking it to Doug Herzog's table and quickly turned to the waiter next to me and said, you're going to be taking table number 52. Yeah, no, brutal. I was serving champagne at the Grammys, like, you know, several months after the group had broken up. Aretha Franklin and Sarah McLachlan walk in the room. And it's very awkward between them because they've walked in at the same time. They had just broken up.

Yeah. No, they had clearly, like, never met. And they were trying to be like, oh, you're a diva. I'm a diva. Ha, ha, ha, ha. So Sarah McLachlan. Should we slap an assistant? Should we crash our cars?

What do divas do? Should we get Mariah on speakerphone? So Sarah says to Aretha, hey, can I get you a drink? So they come up to the bar. And Sarah McLachlan takes one look at me. And she's like, oh. And she caught herself doing the thing no fan should ever do she was she said what are you doing here and then aretha looks at her and she says to aretha oh uh he's a

very successful comedian and aretha looks at me and just goes uh-huh so yeah the years after were brutal brutal brutal and and i was always a floater in the group i was just like when i was a little boy when i was the gay one in the family and the middle child was like off in his own universe listening to free to be you and me sure in the group itself i was like the one who would spend his evenings away from the rest of the group because i was out looking for boys you know what i mean and everyone else was always together so i i was always a little bit of the black sheep in the group. So when the group broke up, I didn't know. I wasn't in on the cliques that kind of became Reno 911 and Wet Hot American Summer. And so I was kind of floating around and lost and kind of hurt and kind of angry. And everyone was kind of hurt and angry.

So I was doing lots and lots of drinking. And then when I was 30, I tried AA three different times. I tried it for like eight months once, and then a year later for like six months, and then a couple years later for like four months. And eventually I came around to realizing, you know, everyone's telling these stories about, you know, how they almost killed someone and how their wife left them and how – all these terrible things. And I was like, well, I just have one too many and wake up a bit groggy. Maybe I should not be in a place where people are so intensely looking into this.

So one day in 2005, I said, let me just do this on my own and let me do it my way. I'll give myself the leeway because I don't, because with marijuana I don't feel like when I take a puff I'm going to be like 15 minutes later, I need another puff. You know what I mean? Which is the way I kind of felt about

alcohol. You would say it in a normal voice. Yeah, absolutely. I would say it very calm and casual. I must have another puff or someone will die. You would say it very calmly. So, yeah. So I said to myself, and I also said hallucinogens. I said, I'll also let myself do hallucinogens, which, by the way, I have not done since 2005. Even though the door is open. Yeah, the door is open. So that's my next goal. The door is open, but the door is closed.

I mean, like with all our guests, I offered you a handful of shrooms when you walked through the door. I was just too slow on the uptake. Yeah. To be fair, those are like salad mushrooms. Yeah, yeah. Those are like rounds. But I mean, if you eat them fast enough, you'll get pretty fucked. It's about speed.

Jordan, is this because you hold your breath while you're eating? I know, guys. Come on. Ride the train. It makes while you're eating. I know, guys. Come on. Ride the train. It makes the orgasm more powerful. Exactly. Yes.

I'm also holding my breath, eating salad mushrooms and jerking off at the same time. Yeah. But, you know, I had to go to AA for that. I can confirm, though, that Las Vegas is a genuinely bizarre experience when you don't – because I don't gamble. I mean, I'm not against gambling. I just – it doesn't – it's not fun to me. Yeah. It doesn't seem exciting to me.

It just seems like, oh, there goes my money. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I don't drink, so I can't just – I can't enjoy the part of Las Vegas where you have a footlong margarita or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I would say that's the main appeal. I can't enjoy the part of Las Vegas where you have a footlong margarita or whatever. Yeah. I mean, I would say that's the main appeal. I've recently enjoyed gambling like a little bit more than I have. But yeah, I mean, I would say-

That's since you discovered Baccarat. Right. Exactly. And Baccarat. Pai Gao. But yeah, I mean, I would say that the- You found a really good Mahjong parlor. Yeah.

The only thing that makes Las Vegas tolerable to to someone with some sense is like just, oh, yeah, I can be drunk whenever and have a beer wherever. So, yeah. Yeah, I would say. But you are afraid that you would gamble and then it would take over? Well, probably. I think it's more that I can't count. I'm no good at math. Yeah, yeah.

So I'm sure I would have money problems immediately. I actually had some fun in Las Vegas too, though. Well, for one thing, I had a fun dinner. I had a couple dinners at absurdly expensive restaurants. I just figured as long as I was going to be in Las Vegas, I might as well give myself permission to spend $125 on dinner because what the fuck else am I going to do? Yeah. I mean I think that is – there's something – that is something you can say for Las Vegas is that you can get a really delicious meal.

Just don't think about the fact that if you were in LA, it would be 50 bucks cheaper. Yeah. As long as you're not thinking about that, there is some delicious food. I've had some great meals there that have been way too expensive. I went on this weird sort of like I went on this out to this weird dinner with a couple of friends from KCRW, one of whom is Ann Litt, who's the music director of KCRW. And she is I would say like if you imagine what a lady who's the music director of KCRW is like you've got it exactly

she's exactly that lady KCRW is known for being like the cool public radio station exactly like it's a very KCRW's music programming is quite famous it's sort of the king they are the kings and queens of AAA which is adult Album Alternative.

So that's like your indie rock, your music that is for cool dads. Yeah. And also younger people, but that's the sort of- Cool dads. That's the sweet spot. Exactly. And so Ant Lit, we're like, she invites us all to dinner. We're all going out to dinner.

She says, I got to go upstairs and change. She comes back downstairs in, you know, five inch heels and a Missoni dress, which needless to say is not de rigueur at the public radio program director's conference. Like 10 minutes earlier, I saw. Saying de rigueur is though. Yeah, that's true. I try to work that in whenever. I saw a guy wearing black socks and Birkenstocks with khaki pants. Yep.

That's a more traditional manner of dress. So we went out to, and she goes, oh, let's go to this restaurant I went to with REM. We're like, okay. Yeah, I'll go to a fucking restaurant somebody went to with REM. That was good. We rode a limousine home because it was one of those things where it was two cabs and there was a limousine sitting there and she was like, I'll do it for 15 bucks. Yeah. steak dinner with our friend Roman Mars from the 99% Invisible podcast that was – one thing about a steakhouse, I imagine you've probably gone to a few steakhouses on the

road when you were working at Fuel. I don't understand what I'm supposed to do with a 22-ounce steak. Yeah. Like, am I supposed to eat that? Like, I love steak and I am a big man and that – You're just supposed to – when it comes, you're just supposed to go, whoa, and then eat half of it. That's the point of it. Okay.

It's the show. It's the dog and pony show. It's like, look at this. I think there are some genuinely obese people who would probably go there. It's only the genuine ones. Yeah, yeah. Those phony baloney glad handing. These Williamsburg hipsters in their fat suits.

Right. Not like that Tyra Banks. Yeah. But the one really amazing thing that happened. So the whole conference is miserable, not because everyone is so uncool or something like that. It's more because everyone is there. They know that you're only there to sell them your show. And so the program directors just don't want to talk to you.

So I can sort of I can make some time with a Roman Mars or, you know, my friend Jason Saldana, who's one of the producers of Sound Opinions and other excellent public radio show and podcast. Like I can hang out with them. Jay Allison, I can talk to. But generally speaking, most of the people are trying to avoid meeting my gays. You know what I mean? And it's really, really, really hard. You know, it's just a hard situation to be in. It's like being, I don't know. It's like being a pharmaceutical salesman without a budget. You know what I mean? Like the pharmaceutical salesman, they can come in, they got, they got world series tickets for you. They're going to take you out to, but I have none of that. I just have people looking at me and thinking that I'm trying to

change public radio and take away their jobs, you know? So, um, so it's a real shit situation, but on, on the last day, uh, I had, I was punching myself for this, but I had scheduled my flight for five or six, something like that. And the conference ended at like 11. And so I'm like, what the fuck am I going to do in Las Vegas during the day for six hours? I was like, Liberace Museum is out of business. They've got a Kiss-themed miniature golf course now. Yeah. Did that ever occur to you?

Well, is that something you want to get involved in solo? Nope. When it's 102 degrees outside. You're right. So I'm like, I was thinking like, should I take up golf? Like I'm trying to think of something that I can do in this situation. There's this thing called the Neon Boneyard, which is a museum slash abandoned lot filled with old neon signs. I thought that would be really cool.

I thought I'd go see that. But it was closed for the month. And, you know, a lot of people suggested I go to the Pinball Museum. And I have a lot of respect for it. Not my thing. Sure. I've been to that Pinball Museum. It is fun.

That is a great – that's definitely a great Las Vegas thing that I have enjoyed in the past. It is maybe in like the world's like saddest industrial park. But, yeah, it's really amazing. Yeah, they have a bunch of, like, you know, weird turn-of-the-century, like, boardwalk empire proto-pinball games where you, you know, push a metal ball under, like, the legs of a girl in, like, a saucy bathing costume. Anyway. Oh, that is fun. Like the Musee Mecanique in San Francisco that we recommended on this program. That's a lot of fun. I did, I mean, I did manage to get one good outside of the sort of mainstream Las Vegas experience.

I went to a very good taqueria called Tacos Al Gordo. It was very good. And crazily, there was a rainstorm that was so sudden and severe that it caused flash floods in the street that happened while I was getting tacos. And I came outside, and it was like a scene from a movie about the biblical flood. Like you couldn't see across the street. It was raining so hard. And I had to like run out into the middle of the street, stop a taxi. And he was like scared to drive because the water was up above his wheels. It was so crazy. I got the one day in Las Vegas history when it rained. But the thing that happened to me that was such a blessing, I'm like, you know, I had had these two nice nights out, but every day had just been soul hammering. And I was I had at one point I literally I called my wife at like three or four o'clock in the afternoon.

I was getting a migraine. I was really depressed about public radio. And I talked to her and she wasn't sure what to say to make me feel better. And I ended up taking my migraine medication and sitting in the tub because the showers were so shitty that they were like taking a hot shower is like one of the only things I can do when I'm getting a migraine. So the showers were horrible. So I just drew a bath and I'm just sitting in the bath crying from a combination of pain from the migraine and just a sort of existential pain about my place in public radio. It was just horrible. Anyway, so I had sort of softened that a little. I had been like, you know what?

It's not five years ago when I literally didn't know anyone here. You know, I spent a nice night out with Roman Mars. I skipped out on the conference activity, which was everyone went to see Cirque du Soleil, the Beatles. Oh, dear. Which is exactly like if you want to know what this crowd is, that's what it is. want to know right this crowd is that's what it is so um i i was i was really i was like this is all done and then i realized that i had to be in las vegas for seven more hours and i was sitting in the lobby of the hotel and just trying to think of anything to do with my life i had just checked my bags into the bag check and just thinking what the the fuck am I going to do? It's a thousand degrees outside.

I hate casinos. Like, what am I going to do? And a friend of mine comes walking up who works at WNYC on Radio Lab with Robert Krolwich from Radio Lab, the co-host of the public radio program Radio Lab. And I had met Krolwich only briefly before. And so I'm talking to them and I'm like, this is fun. I get to talk to Robert Krolwich. This guy's great. And Ellen, my friend, says, I got to call my airline. She manages to get her flight switched. So it turns out it's just me and Krolwich. And Krolwich also isn't flying out until five o'clock or something like that.

You know, I've had, for future reference, I've had good experience in Las Vegas. Those LA to Vegas flights happen so often just going early. And they'll just like, yeah, get on this one. Oh. Yeah. Interesting. Okay. Well, I'm glad that it didn't happen because that's what I would have done.

Instead, what I did was spend a day in Las Vegas with Robert Krolwich from Radiolab, which was the greatest thing because number one... You guys could record some found sound. Yeah, exactly. Robert Krolwich, A, is how he seems on Radiolab. Obviously, Radiolab

is one of the most highly produced audio programs of any kind ever anywhere, but that is just what Robert Krolwich is like. Like how he seems on Radio Lab, a thousand percent what he's like. He just wants to interrupt you with a fascinating question. You know what I mean? Like he is the funnest guy. And he had just gone through his own sort of public radio crucible because I don't know

if you guys heard about this, but one of Radio Lab's most most frequent contributors, Jonah Lehrer, had gotten caught up in this. And, you know, Radiolab, they fact-checked everything that Jonah Lehrer did on the show and everything was fine and they thought he had been a great contributor. And so they put out this statement like, you know, he's not going to contribute to the show anymore, but, you know, we're going to keep using the shows that we already recorded. We're not going to, like, take them down because we fact-checked them all. And Krolwich is good friends with Jonah Lehrer and sort of a mentor to Jonah Lehrer and was there essentially to make public radio stations not drop Radiolab for doing this.

So, and he had done that. He had been successful in that. God bless him. And so he had had his own public radio fight. And Robert Krolwich fucking loves the casinos. I don't know if he likes gambling. I don't know if he likes gambling. But like the fascination that he brings to something that Jad Abumrad is telling him about, he brings to every aspect of Las Vegas. Oh, terrific. So we went on a sort of we went on a sort of five hour ja aspect of Las Vegas. Oh, terrific. So we went on a sort of five-hour jaunt around Las Vegas. He wanted to go, he's like, let's go to the Venetian.

Let's go to Paris, Paris, or whatever it's called. Let's go to, and he's talking to me. We're in the Paris one. We're like checking out. He's like telling me what's like real Paris. What's different from real Paris? He's telling me about how they make the windows at the top near the ceiling smaller to give you a sense of perspective, to make it seem bigger on the fake building fronts.

He's, like, telling me we saw those guys that sing, that run a gondola inside a shopping mall for no reason. Like, it was totally, it was just amazing. And Robert is fascinated by all of these things. So I'm, like, swept up in his fascination. But I have to say that having visited all of these ones that are simulacra, you know, that are representations of some other thing that exists in the real world. Those are interesting. But I don't know. Jordan, have you ever been to the Wynn Casino in Las Vegas? ever been to the win casino in las vegas boy yeah that that's one of them that uh yeah there is there are the ones that are so heavily themed there is new york new york there is paris and then there's ones that where the theme is check this shit out yes so i had only been the only i had only been to las vegas two other times in my life one was when i was a kid uh coming back from this like from New Mexico,

like an Indian reservation in New Mexico where my dad was working. And we stayed at Circus Circus for like one night. That was it. And then a couple of years ago, I went to the comedy festival in Las Vegas to do a thing with the kids in the hall. And we stayed at the Golden Nugget and it was at Caesar's Palace. And neither of those impressed me at all. Golden Nugget was weird and sad in an interesting way, which is more than can be said for the LVH, which is just sad. But basically they were both pretty lame. And then I had gone to a couple of these sort of simulacrum ones. And then I went to the Wynn.

And the theme of the Wynn is what if we gave a fruitcake a billion dollars? Just a gay madman stereotype character a billion dollars and it was fucking amazing it's so great like it's like it it it was true it was genuinely amazing like i thought it was i genuinely found it to be charming and delightful because it was like a crazy person who had a kind of perfect taste you know what i mean like someone who really really knew what the fuck they were doing but was also insane uh had outfitted this entire hotel complex with like fucking crystal chandeliers they're shaped like fruits and just fucking insanity everywhere no theme at all and just these weird kind of these weird kind of rich people wandering through alongside the fat people in shorts just that because that's like the most

opulent thing you can do in las vegas and they don't and these people don't actually know how to do anything besides just i don't know whatever's the opulentest thing you know what i mean like people who have themed yachts or something go here it was so insane we ate dinner in this restaurant me and roman mars ate dinner in this restaurant that was on something called the Lake of Dreams. It was basically like a combination of what's this show from Disneyland called? Is that called Fantasia? No, that's the movie.

The one by Tom Sawyer Island. Oh, yeah. I know what you're talking about. You know what I'm talking about, Kevin Allison? Yeah. And they play a song and they have fireworks and the pirate ship goes by. It's a small world? No, not that. Come on, Allison.

I'm so out of it. The fucking insane imagination dream-a-thon, something like that. And it was a combination of that thing with, like, Max Headroom. Like, when we saw it, it was this lake and they're playing the song that goes bow bow bow you know that song yeah and um like with a vocal line where they sing that and uh there was this weird hologram of a head in the middle of the lake spinning around and like lip syncing to the words while there was a huge waterfall behind it, that kind of trickle wall waterfall thing that had laser lights going through it and shit.

It was fucking insanity. It was pure insanity. Yeah, yeah. It does seem like something that would be concocted by a character from like the sprockets sketch. Yes. On Saturday Night Live. That sounds like a place to go on your mushrooms. Yes.

While you're holding your breath. No, maybe that is the secret theme of it. You might flip the fuck out though. We have catered this specifically to people on hallucinogens. Yeah. It was like what, in my mind, it was like, what if like Rip Taylor had perfect taste?

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, it is like, kind of those places are like reactions to like the tacky, you know,

back when they wanted to make Vegas a, you know, family friendly vacation destination. It's like, well no, let's make this a,

let's make this a classy place of taste where people can come, but they just totally went the complete opposite direction. Right. I mean, that's the thing. What's amazing about it is that it's so coherent. It's so cohesive. No part of it feels like... The big thing about Las Vegas has always been the airsats, right? Like the representation of something that is not quite what that thing is.

And it is not that. It is in and of itself. It is its own thing. It's not, you know, it's not Disneyland. It's not plaster. It's not plaster painted to look like something. It is the thing that it is. And that thing that it is is fucking

madness madness just an explosion of bullshit and nonsense and color like everything's super colored there's this there's this forest where there's fucking sparkle flowers and just is just. And what's crazy about it. The other thing that's crazy about it is all these things are going on, but it's still a casino. So there's still like nowhere to sit down, for example. Right. You know what I mean? Like so there's a magical toadstool or something. Yeah.

You still can't figure out where the fuck you are or where the fuck you're going or whether it's day or night. Right. So it has those parts of the casino, the sort of like the things that make you feel like someone's doing that thing where you do like karate chops in front of someone's eyes and say you're going through a forest. You're going through a forest. You know what I mean? It has those elements. But it's also it was spectacular. I really recommend, if you're going to go to Las Vegas, screw the Knights of the Round Table Casino and Pirate Pirate. Go to this wind nuthouse and just shit some fruits.

Yeah, trip out. Anyway, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Kevin Allison here. I like here. That's fun. I do too.

That's fun. It's a good nickname. We're having fun out here. Hey, Kevin Allison's podcast, Risk, is the newest member of the Maximum Fun family, and we have a very exciting Maximum Fun day coming up on October 15th. This is what we're doing. Instead of running, we've added these new shows. We've added Risk. We've added Throwing Shade.

We've added The Memory Palace. We've added all these shows, and we want to be able to pay these people, you know, so they're getting some money. Kevin not accepted. And so we thought we'd put together a pledge drive, but we didn't want It's a Monday. You're going to have access to a computer. And we're all about new donors. So it's about people who are not donors. If you're already a donor, your job is to get new donors to donate. It's 100% new donors. We are going balls out on the day, fucking hashtagging that shit, fucking Facebooking that shit, Google hanging out that shit. Fucking Facebooking that shit.

Google hanging out that shit. Just doing everything within our power to make this the 1,000 new donor day. Making Pinterest boards. Yeah, we're fucking making Pinterest boards. No, that won't do anything. We're on LinkedIn looking for job opportunities. But we're going all the way, like 1,000% balls out. And in addition to exclusive episodes of this podcast and many other podcasts from the Maximum Fund Network,

we're also, for every new donor at $10 a month or more, we're going to be giving the equivalent of 20 meals for needy families to the Los Angeles Regional Food Bank. So you will be doing a good deed in more ways than one when you join us on Max Funday. So mark your calendar. Help us out. If you're already a donor, shame a couple friends into supporting the network then. That's how we pay for all this programming. Everybody who makes shows on this network, we're professionals that we send them the money that we get in these pledge drives.

We're professionals that, you know, we send them the money that we get in these pledge drives. Yeah, you know, Jesse, kind of something funny came up that I think speaks to this. I think we realized, we both realized, we usually tape Jordan, Jesse Go on Saturday or Sunday. Yeah. But we realized that we are both going to be out of town for the next, know 10 weekends yeah uh i'm starting a new web series jesse you have various commitments stupid conferences i'm going to um yeah but i think that and i think that if we didn't have donors who we were you know who we wanted to you know please and thank with content we would just say fuck it to Jordan Jesse Go for a month.

Yeah. Not that I don't enjoy doing it, but if there were not donors, I would just say fuck it for the month. Yeah. I mean, this is- So yeah, I think if, you know, you like your podcasts regularly and of a high quality, yeah, think about donating. Yeah.

This is our jobs and the reason we can do it is because of the donors. We get a little bit of money from sponsorships. We get some other money on the side here and there. But really what supports this whole organization is donors. I give handjobs behind the building. Yeah, I mean, Jordan gives that handjob. I stuff your mouth filled with mushrooms. And, you know, I want people that join the network like Kevin to be able to get paid too.

Sure. I mean, the Mabimbams. Take the Mabimbams, for example. Those guys are stacking yaper, and they can afford to take the time out of their day jobs and craft a really fine program like they do because they're getting paid to do it. You know, that's how making stuff works. So anyway, October 15th, hashtag MaxFunDay, food for needy children, the whole nine yards. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

And I'm Kevin Allison. Here. Here. You're supposed to say here. I'm sitting here. You've established a precedent. Right. You have to say here. I'm sitting here. You've established a precedent. Right. You have to respect precedent.

If I've learned anything from the Chief Justice of the United States Supreme Court, John Roberts, it's that judicial activism is dangerous. You have to respect precedent. As long as you agree with the precedent. with the president. When something momentous happens to you, our listeners, we ask that you give us a call

at 206-984-4FUN and share it with us for momentous occasions. Lindsay Pavlis on the board. She's got some calls all lined up. Let's hear the first one. Hi, Jordan, Jesse,

and guests. This is Tara from Washington, D.C. I'm calling with Let's hear the first thing to hit the ground. And my helmet saved my life. So more powerful than ever. Thanks. Have a good day. Fuck yes. Life saved. Kevin, I want to know a little bit about how you, because you're not a driver, right?

I'm not a driver. And I'm also terrified of bicycles. Yeah, yeah. I do not. Well, they're terrified, as I think we heard in the call. Your? I'm not a driver. And I'm also terrified of bicycles. Yeah, yeah. I do not. Well, they're terrified, as I think we heard in the call. Your father was murdered by a bicycle. Yes. With no one on it, right?

No, moving vehicles scare me. And so, and I talk, people have always said, well, you should get over that. I had a Jungian therapist at one point and she was like, well, what is it? What is it about driving? Why don't you just learn? And I said, well, I think I just have this vision of me dying in a horrible car accident. And she said, all right, maybe you should trust that. Maybe not learn how to drive.

Wait, when you say Jungian, do you mean a therapist who believed in the secret? Yeah, right. Is that what you're saying? Because if you think hard enough about that fiery car accident, it'll happen. She did. You can manifest it. She did seem a little bit like a witch. She dressed in all black, and she has a credit in the film Cat People with Nastassja Kinski.

Oh, wow. That's the only thing I knew about her. What's her credit in that? Playing Ghost Woman or something like that. Yeah, yeah. So she had a lot. She dabbled in acting a little bit before she got into therapy. And the occult.

Not Jungian analyst. That would have been the credit that I would have liked. We've got an onset analyst. You have any weird dreams, stop by, talk to Sarah. Someone to keep Nastassia in line. Yeah, I think that everyone should wear bicycle helmets. I, for one, think everyone should wear bicycle helmets. That's another strong stance.

Our producer on International Waters recently got into a car accident. Colin Anderson in London, I mean a bicycle accident, excuse me, broke his clavicle in four places. Oh, dear. So I guess the moral of the story is don't leave home. Yeah. Right? Am I interpreting that correctly? Well, I mean, I think you're being a little reductive.

I think you can leave home but just crawl along the ground. Right. Am I interpreting that correctly? Well, I mean, I think you're being a little reductive. I think you can leave home but just crawl along the ground. Right. You know, like a worm. Yeah, right. That's a good catchphrase. Now that's Jungian. And you wink. Man, we should pitch a sitcom to the new broader NBC.

Yeah, right? Now that's Jungian. Could be a smash for them. That's so Jung. Yeah. It's just Jung and. Could be a smash for that. That's so Jung. Yeah. It's just Jung and Freud, and they're too mismatched. Colin's life also saved by his helmet. Oh, that's great.

So wear a helmet, you guys, when you're out there. And you know what? Don't put earphones in. Put a mount, a stereo on your bicycle so you can listen to Jordan Jesse go. It is important to listen to Jordan Jesse go while you're cycling, but you need to be able to hear danger sounds around you. Yeah, put it on like a tape deck. Yeah, exactly.

Well, should we, for all the cyclists out there listening to this show, should we just make random danger sounds so they keep alert? Yeah, sure. Bang. Dinosaur, look out. Dinosaur. Ah! Jaguar. Danger sounds. dinosaur look out dinosaur jaguar danger sounds

I also speaking of awesome fans and what not Patrick Roddy one of our long time supporters came by our live show that we taped this weekend at Riot LA brought us a stained glass window of the Jordan Jesse Go logo.

Yeah. Wow. This is by far the greatest thing that anyone has ever made for us. This is a probably good time to announce it. We're starting a church. We're turning this into a religion. We all saw The Master and were're very jazzed by it. Yeah, we're super excited.

It's a very inspirational film. It's the first piece to that. I think we're going to, you know, that'll be kind of the centerpiece of the worship chamber. And yeah, we hope you guys will all join up. Forsake your other religions and, you know, come on over. Yeah, forsake your God. There is only one God and he is Jordan Jesse Go.

Let's take another call here. Hi, Jordan Jesse, possible guest. I'm calling in with a momentous occasion. I'm a relatively new lawyer and a public defender, and today I had my first jury trial, and I just found out that I won. Not guilty. Game over. So more powerful than ever.

Not guilty. Y'all got to feel me. Game over. I think more public defenders should treat law like a video game. Yeah. You wouldn't believe. My guy got executed, but I got a high score. Yeah. I got a high score. Yeah.

I got a lot of achievement points. I shuffled my papers 50 times, and that unlocked an achievement. There should be more unlockables in jury trials. Skins? Yeah. If you pre-order a jury trial. Nah, I think this is going to fall apart. Expansion packs?

Yeah. Is that something there should be? Makes a trial longer? Kevin, would you like to say a video game phrase? This is another thing I know nothing about. All I know is angry birds. That's good enough. Yeah, throw in a few

angry birds into a jury trial. See what happens. You know that because you wear exclusively children-sized t-shirts. That's right. I think that's tremendous. That's right. I think that's tremendous. That means that very, very likely a

criminal is wandering the streets. Continuing to murder. An innocent man wasn't sent to prison. Being a public defender is hard. My wife worked in the public defender's office for a summer and defender is hard. My wife worked in the public defender's office for a summer. And it is hard because every single day, everyone needs an honest and capable legal defense.

world where often the people they're defending hate them or in some cases the people they're defending may be a murderer you know and that is a tough job and I really admire people that yeah no it seems like you go to law school and you can like you are presented two different paths you know you're like well you can go into like entertainment law or divorce law or something and, you know, just be a be a rich guy wandering around the win. Or you can go into public defense. You won't make a lot of money and people will hate you. And yeah. Yeah. So, yeah.

Way to go. It is. It is an honorable, honorable work. Do we have one more call? That is all our calls. So we'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go. It's Jordan and Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Kevin Allison here. You know what came to my attention recently? What's that? Not everyone is already subscribed to Risk. Kevin Allison here. You know what came to my attention recently? What's that? Not everyone is already subscribed to Risk. That is true. That is true. There are so many people who I think would love Risk and just don't know about it yet. Seems ridiculous to me.

I mean, it seems like people would make it a priority in their lives to know about Risk. And I wish there was something that we could do for those people. I haven't come up with anything. I've been thinking about it for a while. But I really like, I know there's people out there who would love the idea of true tales boldly told. And they like personal narratives. They like laughter. They like feelings.

They like surprises. They like Dave Hill from time to time. Dave Hill when he's available or something interesting has happened to him. But they don't know how to get it, and I wish that there was some way. I guess what I'm saying is I wish I had some kind of platform to share risk with people who would enjoy it. You know what I mean?

Hey, Jesse. What? I think you just did. Where? When? Just now. You said it into the microphone and others heard it. Holy cow.

And hopefully they'll subscribe. So you're telling me that people can hear me talking right now? Yeah. Currently. Why am I talking then? Why am I not just silent? It's been a mistake up till now. Oh my God.

Well, the good news is if you're out there, there definitely aren't best of episodes that you could listen to as an entree. So there's no way for you to get into the show. I think there are. There are? Yeah, I think there are. There's best of risk episodes that people could listen to?

There's a couple best of risk episodes. Yeah. We just had our 100th episode the other day and we did a little like montages of some of the funniest things people have said on the show.

Oh, that's cool. Yeah. Yeah. Any good guests? I mentioned a Dave Hill recently. Oh, yeah. We've had Margaret Cho, Mark Maron, Michael Ian Black, Lisa Lampanelli, Janine Garofalo. It just goes on.

Yeah. You know what I'm sick of? I'm sick of these storytelling shows where they rip my heart out with some story and no part of it is funny. That's one of the things I like about Risk. If a story on Risk is going to rip your heart out and stomp all over it, you will get a few good yucks out of it as well.

The priorities are in the right place. Yeah, we do. One of the things about the show is that it's mostly funny, and then it will sometimes go into, whoa, emotional terrain. Yeah. But people kind of love it for that reason because, you know,

unlike some of the other storytelling shows that you might find on like NPR and stuff like that, everything is so raw and uncensored and, you know, maybe not so polished. It's very, very – it's a lot like talking to friends. A lot of sex stuff too. A lot of sex stuff. That's what I enjoy about it. Yeah, there's certainly that kind of stuff in there too. Kevin, how real would you say risk is relative to say, I don't know, what's a good standard, real deal Holyfield?

Would you say it's less or as real or realer than real deal holy field it gets very very real yeah definitely there are loads of moments on risk where people write in i cannot believe someone was saying that that was so honest yeah anyway if you're not a dipshit, give Risk a listen. That's my standard. That's my new standard. If you're not a dipshit, give Risk a listen. It's a new Maximum Fun podcast. We're really non-dipshits.

We're really, really happy to have Kevin and his whole team on board. Dipshits need not apply. His whole team of amazing people. I mean, Kevin's running a whole, I don't know if you knew this jordan but not only is kevin running this podcast and the attendant live shows but he actually has a storytelling school and does storytelling trainings for people that's right yeah it's the story studio.org we do one-on-one coaching business storytelling we do you know people who just want to like get over their shy their shyness, all that kind of stuff. Yeah.

It's a really amazing operation that Kevin is running. And I think most importantly, like all of our Maximum Fun podcasts, you know, doing it for the right reason, you know? Like, I really think it's something that adds something to the world, you know? And I think that's very important. Sort of like our dick jokes. Sure. Kevin adds to the world what we take away. Yeah.

It's sort of a carbon neutral. Yeah, right. Exactly. I've built this podcast network in an effort to be morality neutral. Yeah. Kevin, you're a wind farm is what we're saying. One step forward, two steps back. Yeah.

Anyway, you can find Risk on our website at MaximumFun.org. You can find lots of back episodes and lots of cool stuff on the Risk episode, which is Risk-Show.com. Am I remembering that correctly? And you can find it in iTunes for free. Pretty soon it will be in the Maximum Fun room in iTunes where you can find all the other great Maximum Fun shows. We'll talk to you guys next time and, of of course on Max Fun Day, October 15th. Yay! Later, gang.