Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 246: The Highlander with Jasper Redd

Episode Date: October 22, 2012

Comedian Jasper Redd joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of pitting out, air travel, emotional journies, and cowboy hats.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and socks and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, Go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Solomon, friendly, maggoty, edgy, pr're joined by the brilliant Jasper Red.

And finally, some people in the comedy industry take on the indignities of air travel. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Beautiful day in Los Angeles. 95 degrees, the projected high. That's down from 99 last night. Yeah. Boy, you've become a regular meteorologist lately. Yeah, well, you know.

Do you check the weather before you come in? Yeah, well, because I got to know what clothes to wear. Okay. You got to plan your day out, Jordan. You can't just fly by the seat of your pants or you're going to get stuck in a flannel in the 95 degree weather like our friend Jasper Redd. By the way, our guest on the program.

Ah, homie. This ain't no flannel, dude. You need to feel it before you speak on it. You know what I'm saying? I'm nicely ventilated over here, so don't get it confused. That's some kind of a poplin, a madras perhaps? I don't know what it's called actually, but it feel good on my skin. Okay, fair enough.

And you don't appear to be pitting out. I'm not getting any kind of musk from you, so I think you're probably fine. What's pitting out mean? You mean stinking? Yeah, I mean like your pits start to sweat. Nah, man, my hygiene's top notch. Is pitting out a thing? Yeah, right?

When you get like armpit sweat stains. Pitting out. That's called pitting out? That's totally called pitting out. I thought that means you're human. I thought that's what that means. That your purse will rate a little bit. You know, mammaling out.

You know, regulating your own body temperature without having to sun yourself. We've talked about this guy who was like the king of the nice hippies at our college radio station. Was his name Thaddeus? I don't know. The dude that was always bringing almond butter. Boy, I mean, you're casting a pretty wide net. A nice hippie that brought almond butter. Boy, I mean, you're casting a pretty wide net. A nice hippie that brought almond butter. That is roughly 60% of the population at UC Santa Cruz.

He didn't go to our college. Jasper, you went down to our college radio station once or twice over the years. It was a dude that didn't go to UC Santa Cruz. I think his name was Thaddeus. He had some kind of absurd Civil War reenactor type name. You know what? Phineas. Phineas.

Phineas. So Phineas was just the nicest dude ever. He was everything you would want in a hippie, which is to say that his life was a little bit of a mess. But he was never without a natural foods treat to offer everyone, like some dried apricots or something like that.

Yeah, a nice carob-based trail mix. Yeah. Absolutely. And he worked – he went to Cabrillo College. Yeah, white people dreadlocks. He definitely had – and he had just gross – I mean all white people dreadlocks are gross. But some are grosser than others as Orwell wrote in 1984. OK. So Phineas didn't go to UC Santa Cruz.

He went to Cabrillo College, local community college. And he worked at the Food Bin, which was a bulk natural food store at the base of the UC Santa Cruz campus. And so he would always be bringing us bulk natural foods. You know, like something bruised and battered, you could get it for free. So he'd just bring it into the radio station. Like a lot of bruised fruit. Yeah, so when we say that he always had almond butter, that's for real. He would be at the station sitting on the couch in the lobby of the station

just passing out almond butter to people. But it was battered almond butter. Yeah, it was scratch and dent almond butter. Oh, it was rescue butter? Yeah, right. Absolutely. Yeah, the butter was about to be euthanized and he saved it. Yeah, and Phineas, wait, why did I start talking about Phineas?

I don't know. It wasn't about weather. I know that. Yeah, oh,ineas – wait, why did I start talking about Phineas? I don't know. It wasn't about weather. I know that. Oh, it's stinkiness. Oh, so Phineas – Yeah, so Phineas one time, he's telling me about how he doesn't eat pork. And Phineas was – he's a hippie, so you expect him to be a vegetarian, but he had a very complicated system of vegetarianism that was specifically about pork. And I'm like, Phineas, how come you don't eat pork?

I said, are you Jewish? You know, is or are you a Muslim? Like, is it is it a religious issue? And he said, no, it's not about cloven hooves. And I said, well, then how come how come you don't eat pork? Pork is really great. I mean, you should know that. Know that.

Pork is super good. Yes. And he said it was because pigs don't sweat. Mm-hmm. And the toxins build up in their body because they can't expel the toxins through their sweat. And so pork is poisonous because it's full of toxins from the pigs because the pigs don't sweat. Kind of what the jump I'm making here is that poisons are delicious. Yeah, exactly.

I said to Phineas, what do you think happens when they poop? Do you think it's possible the toxins leave out of their butts when they poop? Phineas was fucking amazed by this line of reasoning. This is the other thing about Phineas. You've got to understand, Phineas was a sincerely curious, nice dude. He wasn't a guy that wants to tell you about how 9-11 was an inside job. He wasn't that kind of weird conspiratorial hippie. He was a weird conspiratorial hippie, but he was sincerely open to other points of view.

For example, when I mentioned to him that it was possible that the toxins could leave the pig's body through poo-poo and pee-pee, he was delighted. He just grabbed a handful of bacon that happened to be sitting on a shelf. Yeah, well, of course, we had that bacon fryer off to the side in the KZSC at our college radio station, you know, in case anybody needs a breakfast snack.

Yeah. No, I like the like, the hippie impulse to just believe the best part of everything. That is like, you know. Well, I like the impulse. It really spoke to me about toxins. Toxins is this thing that is just complete nonsense. Anytime anyone ever says the word toxins to you, that's when you know you can stop paying attention to whatever they're saying. Like it is an unerring indicator of nonsense that's about to happen is if someone uses the word toxins.

Well, I think toxins is a stand-in for something specific. So you could tell when that person heard toxins, they just stopped paying attention. They didn't go any deeper. What are the specific toxins? Toxins are something that you might get removed using a tincture, some sort of herbal tincture or a poultice perhaps. It's one of those things where like, oh, you have a buildup of toxins. You got to put this poultice on perhaps. It's one of those things where you have a buildup of toxins. You got to put this poultice on your butt or something and hold it there for four days while you do a juice cleanse.

Jasper, we were talking while we were coming up. You still live in Venice Beach. What is the hippie population down there these days? I can't even tell you that, man, because I don't really mingle like that with hippies and whatnot. You're not a mingler? Not with that culture, no. I've known you to be a mingler, Jasper. I mean, when I lived in San Francisco, of course, you know that you couldn't help it.

But now that I live down here in L.A., if I can avoid that, I'm going to. You're mostly what? Like with Hollywood types? Nah, I mean, I pretty much. Hollywood insiders? I'm like the Highlander, man. You know, I stroll by my lonesome. Dude, I have always said that about you, that you have a certain Christopher Lambert-esque quality to you.

Yeah, man. There can only be one. So you think you've gotten less social in your recent life? I mean, I've just got more selective about the people I hang out with, you know, if I don't have to be around you. So Christopher Lambert only. It just ain't like San Francisco where people are stacked up on one another you know right

and you're just automatically up in people's business yeah man I pretty much stay in the crib just growing white people dreadlocks right

growing white hey man have you ever thought about growing white people dreadlocks I think it would be fun it worked for Adam Duritz of Counting Crows

I've been thinking about growing white people money I've been thinking about growing white people money. I've been thinking about that. But no, I ain't never thought about stealing their dreads. Do you have a plan for getting white people money?

Always. You know, I got my ski mask ready. So you're becoming a famous skier. That's where you will find white people. That is dominated by whites. Yes, man.

I will mingle with them. You know what? I think Jasper, now is the time for you to hit the slopes and take care of business. Head out to like San Moritz or something. I don't know if that's an island nation or a ski resort. But head out to it. See if there's any ski slopes and see what you can do out there. I think you could be the next Gabby Giffords.

Wait, is that the congresswoman that got shot? Gabby. It is. Jasper, you too could get shot in the face at a supermarket. No. Gabby, what's the girl called that won all the Olympics medals? Gabby Reese? That's Gabby Douglas, man.

Gabby Douglas. What's Gabby Reese? Is that another person who was tragically shot that I'm... You could be the next Reese's Pieces. Yeah. You could be a delicious peanut butter candy. Yeah. It's peanut butter, but it's very sweet.

That does sound like me. But that's my recommendation. You should take over the world of skiing, and that's how you're going to get rich. Yeah, man, somebody of the minority rainbow does need to break that color barrier. Are you suggesting it could, for example, be a Latino? No, I'm not suggesting that. I'm not Latino, so I don't care about them. I'm just playing.

Well, I'm glad that we've got a system to make Jasper rich. Yeah. We've remembered what Phineas' name was and why sweating was an important topic with regard to Phineas. I think we've gotten this show off to a great start. Yeah. We'll be back. Guys, for the rest of the show, let's just vote it in. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, comedian, actor, star of Frankenstein in the Hood. Is that what it's called?

I mean, might as well. It's called Frankenhood. You know, those clever Hollywood types. Did I see you on Tosh.0 the other day? You could have. I have made a cameo on Tosh.0. Yes. Jasper Redd, sincerely one of my favorite.

Jordan, you can speak for yourself. One of my favorite stand-up comedians in America. Thank you. I have a different opinion. He's one of my favorite stand-ups in America. Wait, no. Jordan, I think. I'm trying to remember back to what I said, but I think that's exactly what I said.

Huh. I said. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I misheard you. I just thought you said. Sorry. I misheard. Yes. You both love me. Let's make it clear. You both love me. Yes. I misheard you. I just thought you said. Sorry. I misheard.

Yes. You both love me. Let's make it clear. You both love me. Yes. Yes. Thank you. I am the.

That's the sound that the teacher from Peanuts makes after she eats too many beans. Right. With her butt. Jordan, I have a question for you. Yes, please. We just got back from the San Francisco Comedy and Burrito Festival, which was a delight, by the way. Yeah. A really great thing.

Yeah, if they do this next year and you're anywhere in the area and don't go, you're some kind of chump. Yeah, what are you, some kind of chump? Yeah. Look, your festival pass comes with two different super burritos. You get one for Taqueria Pancho Villa and you get one for Taqueria El Toro. Sounds like a great deal. This is like one of the best deals ever. This is, I mean, give me a break.

Next year, we'll see you there. Yeah. So that's that. Number one, that's that. We had a great time. It was a blast. So, yeah. Mm-hmm.

So, yeah. But I kind of was – they kind of announced that – or they kind of asked us to be part of the festival a little bit late in the game. Well, we sort of had this thing where it was – we had sort of agreed to be in the festival. Mm-hmm. But then we only actually formalized the dates of the festival. Yeah. And that we were definitely getting plane tickets to it. Right. Late in the game. So we had we had I had agreed on the basis of the fact that how could I not agree to appear in the San Francisco Comedy and Burrito Festival. But yeah, we we only had a relatively short notice. And your mom also was on relatively short notice getting married. Yeah. My my mom and her and her fiance, now husband, Brad, have been kind of, you know, they they have announced that they were going to get married, but have been kind of wishy washy about the dates. And it was sort of one of these things, lest we think that it was it was they just wanted to have a small kind of family wedding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And so, you know, so it turned out that the Burrito Festival and my mom's wedding were on the same weekend.

But our last show at the Burrito Festival was Saturday. My mom's wedding was Sunday afternoon. And, you know, it was cutting it a little bit close. But I just wanted to go to the Burrito Festival so bad that I said, you know what? It's a little bit risky flying on the day, but I think it's a cool enough thing and there's enough of a time buffered where I think I can make it. My mom was supposed to be getting married at four. So I'm like, OK, well, I'll get an early flight back. And this is – we're talking about a 45-minute flight from San Francisco to Los Angeles. Yeah, yeah. Very – so – We're not – we weren't doing this in Provo, Utah.

That's like an hour and 10-minute flight. Yeah. We weren't doing this in Honduras. Sure. That's like what? Eight-hour flight? Something like that. So, yeah.

So – We briefly considered doing it in Taipei. Yeah. Which is like a 12-hour flight. So, like – so my thing is like, well, unless airports are snowed in or there's a hurricane or something, if I get to the airport at 9 and something goes wrong, there's enough time to figure something else out to get on another 45-minute flight. Heck, you could have – worst case scenario, you get to the airport at 9, something's horribly wrong. You could literally rent a car and drive and get there by about 4 o'clock. Right.

So I was prepared to improvise if need be. Just like Vince Vaughn on the set of the movie Neighborhood Watch. Sure. The Watch. You were ready to do some on-scene punch-up. Sure. Absolutely. So we get there, and I was – and just for whatever reason, you were flying into LAX and I was flying into Burbank.

And this is all important to the story. I don't mean to just be boring everyone with Southern California airport talk. Yeah. And your flight left at 9 and my flight left at 9.47. So we get there. We get through security. We sit and watch Key and Peele sketches on your phone until your flight had to go. What else are you going to do?

I don't know. There's really not a lot better to do. Yeah. You can watch that thing where they list all the football names again. It's fucking hilarious. At the airport. It's like the funniest thing ever. Or period.

Yeah. So and then. If it had been me, I would have canceled my mom's wedding so that I could watch that thing. That kid field sketch where they list all the football names a few more times. Yeah. I just put on headphones and watched it during the wedding. Yeah. more times yeah um i just put on headphones and watched it during the wedding yeah um so so we get there and and so you get on your plane and then i'm like well it's probably time for me to get to my plane uh i and i look at my ticket and it turns out that the gate i'm supposed to

be at is in another terminal and let's be clear we're on the same airline. Yeah, we are on the same airline going to the same part of the world. Yeah. So, and we went through security and no one, none of the two people that was there to check your ticket said, this isn't your terminal. And you actually went through security twice because your first time through security, you showed them something that turned out to be like your receipt and not your boarding pass. So four times someone looked at my card and no one said this is not the terminal. So anyways, but if you've never been to San Francisco Airport, the terminals are separated by a tram ride.

There's like a little monorail that goes around. So it's not just going out and going next door. It's an ordeal. You know, my stepmother helped build that monorail. Oh around. So it's not just going out and going next door. It's an ordeal. You know, my stepmother helped build that monorail. Oh, terrific. Thank you. Well, it really fucked me over. Should I get her on the phone?

Would you get her on the phone? I have some complaints about this monorail. True. Mrs. McAnulty, we have some concerns about your time in the electrician's union. Wow. So I run to this monorail, get on the monorail, and I get there and I have to wait through security again to this other terminal. And this is a comically long security line. This is maybe the craziest security line I have ever seen.

Did you try and cut the security line. This is maybe the craziest security line I have ever seen. Did you try and cut the security line? Yes. I asked. I asked. I even said I even said loudly if I could get in front of anybody, that would be great. I need to get my mom's wedding and I'm late for my flight and just nothing. Just no one looked at me sympathetically. You just got to cut the line and tell the person. Yeah, I know. And I was probably being too polite at this point. I did give it a shot. Were you aware of the gravity of your situation?

Yes, I was. But I thought I would make it. I think at this point I'm – Jasper, you're laughing too long. This is getting spiteful. This is getting too long. This is getting spiteful. But also kind of what I think was causing a problem in the line is that Flava Flav was also going through the airport line at the same time.

I shit you not. And I was freaking out at this point, but I did take a minute to enjoy the fact that he had to take off his giant clock and put it on the conveyor belt. So, you know, I'm kind of splitting my time between being really freaked out and delighted. Oh, and also he went through security and they asked him to empty his pockets and he reached in and just took out two giant handfuls of cash. What do you think Flavor Flav was doing in San Francisco? That's how you do it. Yeah. I think he was probably meeting with San Francisco Mayor Ed Lee.

I mean. He has some concerns about San Francisco's 911 system. He thinks it's a joke. So anyway, so I get through security. I run. I'm running with untied shoes and belt in hand to my gate. Yeah, I was looking like a crazy hobo at this point. And I get to the gate and it is – the plane leaves at 9.47.

It's 9.39. And there's this – there's the woman at the gate. It's closed. I say, God, I'm sorry. I'm here. Can I get on the plane? The plane is there. the woman at the gate. It's closed. I say, God, I'm sorry. I'm here. Can I get on the plane? The plane is there. Just the gate is closed.

And she's like, I'm sorry. As far as you're concerned, this plane is gone. And I said, hey, I'm really sorry I'm late but it's my mom's wedding and I really have to get on. She's like, I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do. And at this point like I'm – my voice is raised but I don't think it's angry. Like I don't think I'm being. There's nothing I can do. And at this point, my voice is raised, but I don't think it's angry. I don't think I'm being a dick. It's like a panic-raised voice.

It's like, please. It's my mom's wedding, and it's really, really important that I get on this plane. She's like, I'm sorry. You should have been here on time. And the plane is there, and according to her, there's no way for her to talk to the plane. That is actually literally true. Do you think so? Yes.

No, I know that to literally be true. That seems like fake to me. That seems like there should be a little phone or something. It's real. The only thing they can do, like once they close the door, I know this sounds terrible, but once they close that door, the only thing they can do is if they open it again is take everyone off and put everyone back on. It's like a security thing. Okay. Interesting.

It's a legal issue. Okay. Okay. Well, I feel a little better about that because it seems like she was just being a dick. No. That's a real thing. Okay. It's a ridiculous thing.

Sure. Don't get me wrong, but it's real. Right. This is United Airlines, by the way. So anyway, so I'm. Jasper is not happy about that. Yeah. Have you had some bad United Airlines situations? If I was to ever become a terrorist, I would make sure it was United because, man, they have screwed me time and time again.

Do you have one or two examples? I'm happy to take a detour. I have too many examples. But, man, I don't want to bring up old emotional things. No, I understand. I understand. So anyway, so I go to the customer service counter and I say, hey, I'm – I've got this situation. The plane is still there, by the way. I'm like – but I just need to get to Southern California. I'm like, can you put me on any other flight?

Because there's a lot of airports in Southern California. There's Orange County. There's Ontario, Long Beach, San Diego. So I'm like, can you put me on any of these? And the lady says, okay, I can put you on standby to Orange County. So great. I'm like, that's where – Your mom's going to get married in Orange County.

That's where my family is anyways. I'm like, OK. So – You'll figure out how to get back home to Los Angeles later. In the meantime – So, yeah, the plan in my head is that my sister picks me up. We go to – we stop by Macy's. I get a shirt and a tie.

We go to the wedding. We stop by Macy's. I get a shirt and a tie. We go to the wedding. In this plan, by the way, you're going to dress at the wedding like a guy that works at a cell phone store. Yes. Right. Exactly.

This will be a short-sleeved polo shirt and a clip-on tie. Yeah. I will also have a name tag that says Jordan. So, yeah. So that's my plan. So I – and it's in the first terminal. So I go through security again, go to the next terminal. And I'm going to do a voice for the guy who was at the terminal.

It's going to be a little bit racist but I think it's part of it. OK. This guy – I would describe this guy's look and demeanor and voice as villain in one of the Taken movies. Okay. Just kind of European bruiser. Yeah. I would call like- His look too. Right.

He was not wearing a tracksuit, but I think he owns a lot of tracksuits. He might have had a tracksuit on underneath his airline uniform. So I go and I say, hey, I'm – and I have a ticket. I have a little standby ticket, by the way. There's a physical – there's physical evidence of me being on standby. I hand it to him. I say, hey, can I get on – I'm on standby for this flight. He's like, God, what did he say?

And it's going to sound racist. I'm sorry. This is how he said it. He's like, cannot go on flight. Cannot go on flight. This is for Burbank. Your ticket is for Burbank. This is how he said it. He's like, cannot go on flight. Cannot go on flight. This is for Burbank. Your ticket is for Burbank. This is not for Orange County.

Cannot go to other airports. I mean, and is mean off the bat. And I have like calmed down at this point and I'm not being a jerk. But he's just yelling, just automatically goes into yell mode. It's like, cannot go on flight. Cannot go on flight. I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. I talked to somebody at the ticket booth.

They gave me this. It's kind of extenuating circumstances like my mom is getting married and it's just really important that I get on one of these flights. It's like, no, it's fine. It's fine. He's like, no, it's go. No, it's go. its counter and there's just this dead-eyed woman there, just this dead-eyed woman who had obviously been, you know, who has obviously spent her days being yelled at. Has the dead eyes of someone who just spends her days being yelled at.

That's when you get to one of these counters. I know. All you have, all you can hope to do is rekindle someone's humanity. Yeah. You find what you're doing is you cycle through these emotions, is you're looking for something that will spark this person whose soul has been crushed. Just inflate that soul. Yeah.

With something so that they can use that soul air to push out a little help for you. Yeah. Yeah. I can use that soul air to push out a little help for you. Yeah, yeah. And so, you know, like I – in my head, my demeanor was calm but, you know, but there's some urgency. I tried to make it urgent to them that I just needed some help. But I didn't want to be a screaming dick.

But I went up to this woman. I'm like, hey, so the lady at the other counter said I could fly standby. Very important. I tried to just say my mom's getting married and I just – I need to get on a flight. I need to get somewhere in Southern California. But he said it's not OK that I fly standby and this woman's response was – oh, and I said I need to fly standby. The woman at the other counter said it was okay. And she's like, yeah, she shouldn't have told you that. So the next, so, I mean, apparently they say it's fucking impossible for me to fly standby anywhere but Burbank.

So finally I, you know, there's one more plane to Burbank at one. So this puts me into Burbank around 2. Drive to Orange County. I'm there in time for the wedding. So that's good. So I'm waiting for this 1 o'clock to Burbank. Burbank to Orange County, by the way, like a 90-minute drive, 70-minute drive. To where I'm going, more like 40.

Okay. 30, 40. So I know this very well at this point. I've calculated this. Like I am making and I know this very well at this point. I have calculated this. Like I am making pre-Google Maps for my drive. So I get to the place where we're waiting for the Burbank plane. They just announced, yeah, the Burbank plane is going to be delayed and they don't tell us how long. And I go up to the counter and I just –'ve been waiting a little bit it's it's 30

minutes past when the plane's supposed to be there i just asked this kind of nice looking middle-aged woman like hey um you know just wanted to see if i could get an update on the plane it's my mom's wedding and i'm just a little worried about going home and she says um and I'm just a little worried about going home. And she says, this woman says, yeah, you'll know the plane is here when the doors open and you see people walking out. And what I'm doing right now is she is making the two-finger walking gesture. Like make your fingers do the walking.

Yeah. She's like, yeah, you'll see people coming when they're walking out. Geez. One of the most shitty things anyone has ever said to me. Condescending. United Airlines. Holy mackerel. United Airlines, a wonderful organization with nothing but nice people.

Yeah, so anyway, so this 2 o'clock plane, this 1 o'clock plane turns into a 2.15 plane, lands at – I think – yeah. So we land. And I just run. I just run off the plane. And so I'm parked in one of these parking areas. Burbank Airport has these kind of three very inexpensive off-site parking areas and you take a little shuttle. So I get on the shuttle to the parking area. It's just me. I'm the only one on the shuttle. And I see us drive kind of – I see

the parking structure maybe half mile in the distance and we're driving away from it. And I said to the lady driving, I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. Is that the parking lot you're going to? She's like, no, that's lot C. We're going to lot B. And I said, God, I am so sorry. I guess I got on the wrong bus. Would you mind flipping around and taking me to that parking structure?

I'm in a little bit of a hurry. My mom's getting married, and I'm not sure if I'm going to make it. And she's like, yeah, I can't go over there. You didn't want to go to that wedding anyway. No. Yes. Yes. No. Honestly.

Honestly, she said that. You didn't want to go to that wedding anyway. And then I said, just let me off. Just let me off. And she's like, I can't do that. I'm like, please, would you just stop? So she stops, and I run. I, like, please, would you just stop? So she stops and I run. I like run a half mile to this parking area.

I get in. And luckily in this scenario, my suit is in the car. So like there's that stop that I don't have to make or that thing that I don't have to worry about showing up to the wedding in a T-shirt. So and I get in my car. No gas. Gas lights on. Gas lights on. So I just I get in my car. No gas. Gas light's on. Gas light's on. So I just floor it.

I just floor it, get on the freeway. I'm thinking about all the tricks I've learned to conserve gas. I'm like, okay, accelerate slowly, stay in the fast lane, you know, coast when you're going down a hill. And like when I'm late, it triggers something in my brain to where it's the time I feel the most like a fuck up. And so I go – it just – the memories of all the times in my life I fucked up just flood into my consciousness. I'm like – I think, oh, here's the relationships I've ruined. Here's the job opportunities I should have taken. Like, here's why you're not more successful. Like, so I'm having this huge thing where I'm not going to make this wedding and thinking about just every time I've just boned it in my life. Oh, and also the air, I turned off the air conditioner and the

radio. So, you know, to conserve gas. So it's just like this silent. You're just sitting in a symphony of failure. I'm stewing in my own failures. I'm hot. I'm not listening to anything. And what's amazing about it, what's amazing about this story is that as you're stewing in all of this, you can't blame them for almost any of it. Every single person has been as horrible as possible to you along the way. However, they've all been my mistakes. Yes, absolutely.

And that's what's so maddening about it. Yeah, absolutely. And it's and I guess like apart from the lady telling me I could finally stand by when I couldn't like everybody else was correct and just doing their jobs. And yeah, and that's the thing is like these were all such small mistakes on my part. But like all I needed was for someone to bend their rule a little bit. Just try and help you. Just not be a dick to you.

Yeah, I know. And not only did I – was I met with we will not bend these rules, but it was some kind of dick move. Like it was taking a little joy into shoving it in my face yeah and i wonder why in none of these i maybe i was being like maybe my tone of voice i didn't realize that i sounded like an asshole but i don't know why hey i'm sorry i'm having travel problems and it's my mom's wedding didn't elicit any kind of sympathy in anyone do you think that you read as a fuck up yeah maybe maybe i just seem like i mean i guess in the first situation my shoes were untied and mom's wedding didn't elicit any kind of sympathy in anyone. Do you think that you read as a fuck up? Yeah, maybe.

Maybe I just seem like, I mean, I guess in the first situation, my shoes were untied and I was holding my own belt. So maybe, yeah, maybe people can just see like, oh, this is this guy's deal. Well, maybe your deal is that you're always ready to get down to business, if you know what I'm talking about. Right. Yeah. Shoes come off. Pants come down.

Yeah. I should have said that late at the first counter, I will fuck you. I will fuck you very quickly if you let me get on the plane. Nothing a lady to take a counter loves like a quick fucking. Just a real brief, unsatisfying. So, okay. So I'm coasting down the freeway expecting my car to just die at any moment. So, you know, but according to my phone map and the time, I will basically pull into the church exactly on time.

Like I'm 25 minutes away and there's 25 minutes until it starts. So I'm like, okay, I'll call my sister. So, you know, I didn't want to panic my mom. That was the last thing I – like I haven't told anybody that I'm running late so far because I didn't want to seem like a fuck up. I didn't want to seem like – You're ruining the wedding. I'm ruining the wedding. So I –

And again, this is a very small wedding. So – Right. It's sort of high stakes. Sure, sure. Yeah. If one person is gone from this, it's going – it's not like I can just sit in the back and say I was in the back the whole time. Like they will notice.

So anyway, so I called my sister. and say I was in the back the whole time. Like they will notice. So anyway, so I called my sister. I'm like – and I left her a message that said like, hey, I'm so sorry. There was plane problems. I think I'm going to get there exactly on time. But if for some reason I'm not there, just wait for me.

I'm coming. And then five minutes later she calls me back and she's like, oh, yeah, we're not there either. The wedding starts at 4.30. Oh, yeah. We're not there either. The wedding starts at 430. Oh, man. So I just I exhaled finally for the for the first time in two hours, pulled over and got some gas and just got there on time anyway. Wow. Yeah. And it was lovely. It was a lovely wedding. You just want some one person to be nice to you. Yeah, I know. When I had this problem with Teresa in the Mexico City airport once where we were getting off a flight from somewhere else and we're in the Mexico City airport and you know how there's that person that meets you at the gate that has a list of

everyone's connecting flights and where they're at. Right. So that person told us the wrong gate to go to. And it was one of these kind of gates where it's servicing multiple airplanes. So it's like this one door is gates 52 through 60 or something. And they just have this cycle up on the board of what flight is boarding through this chute right now and so we're waiting there we look at our we look at our watch and we're like our flight is in 15

minutes and it has not even started boarding yet and so we go up to the counter we're like our flight's in 15 minutes and it hasn't even started boarding yet and they're like oh it's not at this gate yeah and we're like oh fuck you so we run over to this other gate, which is not that far away. And we had that same problem with the door lock and all that shit. And so now we're stranded in the Mexico City airport. You take to drug running immediately. And I swear to God, like, you know how there are like there are special people in your lives? So, you know, I'm reading this book. This is Stephen Tobolowsky's book right now.

Lives. So, you know, I'm reading this book. This is Stephen Tobolowsky's book right now. And he says there's a great acting teacher, somebody, I can't remember, told him there's four people who really touch your lives, your life with kindness. It's Wallace Shawn, right? Yeah. Number one, Wallace Shawn. There's like a bald character actor.

Four bald character actors will enter your life and change it forever. Wallace Shawn, John Malkovich. I thought I could name two more. This man. Kelsey Grammer? Key character actor? Clint Howard? Clint Howard.

That's three. Got any bald guy character actors? Bald guy character actors. No. Tommy Tiny Lister. The guy who played the president of the Fifth Element. So we are trying to deal with all these different people. Nobody is being helpful to us.

We're trying to explain that it was like an airline employee that sent us to the wrong gate. That's why we missed our connection. Real quick, will someone out there draw a Mount Rushmore but with Wallace Shawn, John Malkovich, Tommy Tiny Lister. Who was the other one? And Kelsey Grammer. Stephen Tobolowsky? Yeah. Do that.

Okay. Go ahead. Please draw that. Thank you. Thanks. Continue. And we finally got up to this. We're flying on Mexicana, right? We finally get up to this ultra.

If we finally get up to this ultra – we're seriously – we're wondering like are we going to have to get a hotel room in Mexico City and buy another plane ticket? I'm trying to figure out what we can do. We don't have international cell phones. Sure. So we finally find – Did you think about just living in Mexico? I thought about like doing sort of – you mean like a Romney-style situation? We could practice polygamy. That would be the advantage.

Wait. What do you mean a Romney situation? I don't – You didn't know about Mitt Romney's family? No. Mitt Romney's family is a part of a group of Mormons that moved to Mexico in I believe the late 19th century. Wow. I didn't know that.

In order to practice polygamy. Wow. Yeah, and also, you know, be free of, there's plenty of legitimate religious persecution in the history of the Mormons that's not related to polygamy, but the primary thing that they were up to that was illegal was polygamy. Sure. I didn't know that.

Yeah, it's true. That sounds great. You should have done that. Mitt Romney, of course, not a polygamist, nor was his father, but his grandfather was the one who had been down there in Mexico, and his father was born there, as I recall. Do you think Teresa would be okay with you taking several

Mexican wives? I mean, you know, but she probably wouldn't have that much to say about it, you know, because I'm the one bringing home the tortillas, if you know what I'm saying. Sure. Yeah. So, there's these kind people in your lives and burned into my heart. I mean, you could probably find some Mexican wives down here.

Burned into my heart, Jordan, is this man at this Mexicana counter who after we had talked to eight different people that, you didn't want to you know my wife speaks decent spanish but not super fluent spanish and it had been so you know where it's intense this man i will never forget this man he had this kind these kind eyes and this friendly beard he looked like a friendly man on a soap opera. Sure. Or the most interesting man in the world. I'm envisioning the most interesting man in the world right now. He looked sweeter than the most interesting man in the world, but not far from the most interesting man in the world.

He looked sort of like a Latino version of our friend and sometime guest on this program, Brian Lane. Okay. Just a real sweet eyes and a big beard. Yeah. And he helped us.

And it, there was a, one person had told us that we would have to pay like $2,000 to get out of this situation. Yeah. And he said, and he said, you know, this isn't your fault. I'll fix it for you. Yeah. And he fixed it. Yeah.

It seems like someone can do something in all of these situations. Like there is a thing someone can do, but it's whether or not they want to do it or they want to just yell. Yeah. I had when I know is plain no is plain. When I went on

when I went to Europe for put this on, I left my passport in I left my passport in Los Angeles when I went for the first leg of the trip to New York and then realized I would need it for the second leg of the trip to Europe. To fly internationally. Yeah. And so we had to have it sent to me on like an airplane courier. Basically, you can buy a seat on the plane for your passport or documents like lawyers apparently do this regularly.

A friend of ours who was a lawyer is actually the person who suggested this to us. So we we had a friend key into my wife was in San Francisco. So we had a friend key into our house, grab the passport, take it to the airport and put it on a flight. And then I picked it up from that flight. Does it actually sit and sit in a chair? I don't they give it a little drink. I don't know if it on a flight. And then I picked it up from that flight. Does it actually sit in a chair? And they give it a little drink? I don't know if it gets a drink.

I mean, you got to figure it at least gets peanuts. And if it's going to get peanuts, it's going to get thirsty. Yeah. You know what I mean? They should put a little blanket over it. Yeah. Well, you know, give it a complimentary pair of slippers. So I got into that.

The passport is flying virgin, right? Is that? Yeah. And it's the weekend and my travel agent had changed my flight. So I got into that. The passport is flying virgin, right? Is that? Yeah. And it's the weekend and my travel agent had changed my flight. But he had not confirmed something, something. I don't know. And so they were telling me that not only had my flight that I was going to take that I couldn't get on it, But that also was canceling all of my other tickets for the entire trip.

Yeah, that's happened to me. Because if you don't get on one part of your flight, has that ever happened to you, Jasper, where if you don't get on one part of your flight, it cancels everything? Yeah, man. But I was able to lie my way through that situation. Oh, that's a lot. Yeah, man. Yeah, that has happened to me from United.

Yes. That is some me from United. Yes. That is some fucked up shit. Sure. And so finally, and I remember, I was there. I'm freaking out a little bit, but I'm pretty good at not freaking out, mostly because my mom freaks out unnecessarily on people. My mom will start yelling at a customer service person as soon as she'll look at them. You know, like she'll just go over the fucking, and my mom's a nice lady, let's be clear. But she will flip the fuck out.

Yeah. And I've always like, it's one of those things, I don't want to be like my parents. I don't want to be like my mom flipping the fuck out on random people that it's not their fault. Yeah, I've definitely spent a little bit of time with your mom over the years and she is as nice a woman as exists. Yeah. I think she – in the pantheon of nice moms, she is very, very near the top. Well, we both got very nice moms.

Absolutely. We both did well. Jasper, nice mom? Oh, man. The nicest. Yes. So like I'm there trying not to flip out on this lady. But I was going to say, it seems like your mom does go on a lot of – does go on a pretty lengthy emotional journey every day.

Yes. That is so true. She does experience all the emotions every day. She does experience all the emotions every day. My mom can go on an emotional journey in half an hour that many people spend their whole lives trying to achieve. Like for my mom, my mom can get an eat, pray, love level experience out of going to the corner store to buy some fruit. Sure. And yeah, and that is always surprising to me.

Like as a guy who maybe tries to experience two emotions a day tops. Yeah. Like if I experience more than two, I'm going to need to have a little nap, which is kind of a third emotion. And I don't like doing that anyways. So, yeah, it's always amazing when I see someone. I'm like, oh, wow, you are, you know, you're running the gamut. That's amazing. I know. And for me, for me, like you, that's why we've talked about me, like, starting to cry over things lately.

Sure. Like, that's why that is such a significant thing in my life. Oh, you're becoming your mom. Definitely my whole life I have been trying to be emotionless because I'm terrified of my mother flipping out on people. So anyway, so I'm when you're like at that counter, all you're doing is just trying to find if you're if to try and find one that will change them from wanting to be rid of you to wanting to help you. Yeah. And that was another situation. There was these two women at that counter and I had to go from kind and thoughtful to angry to sad to kind and thoughtful to getting my travel agent on the line but they wouldn't talk to him so then i was like well what if i put him on speakerphone and you don't hold the phone

and like they're like well we can't listen they're like putting their fingers in their ears wow it was amazing and then finally someone just said someone just agreed to get someone to come over and that person was like, yeah, there's no reason for him to have to blah, blah, blah. Sure. Like, I'll just, and he went, he's like, okay, well, have a good flight, sir. Yeah, I think it is as easy as all that. And here's the thing I was tempted to do while I was, you know, waiting for that final late, late flight. It's like, well, I've got my

phone. I could do some nasty twittering at United, like as I felt like it, you know, and not like they weren't upholding policy, but everybody was being a dick. This is what I want to ask you guys. Have you ever, have you ever tried, have you ever had bad customer service and tried to get compensated for it in some way? Because I've given some half-assed attempts at yelling at people when I feel like I've been wronged. But I never get anything out of the deal. And I just want to see if you've done it and how it's happened. Negative. I have.

Yeah. It's never worth it, though. Yeah, right. Especially like airlines. It's never worth it, though. Yeah, right. Especially like airlines. It comes up with airlines. But airlines have figured out that there are assholes out there that want to scam them. Sure. Just want to work them over for anything.

And so they just give you a $50 coupon for anything. So on the one hand, if you write them a letter, they'll send you a $50 coupon. On the other hand, who wants a fucking $50 coupon? Sure. To fly on an airline that just kicked you in the balls? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, that happened. A horrible

airline situation happened with me and they were just handing out $30 coupons or something. What the fuck can you even do with a $30 airline coupon? Check a bag. Check a bag, basically. Yeah, it could not have been a shittier situation.

But Jasper, I'm surprised. You're a stand-up comic and you work the road. You do colleges a lot. You're doing road gigs all the time. I'm surprised that you're not one of these guys who has a complicated airline scheme. I feel like every stand-up comic I know has a fucking airline system that involves maximizing their points by eating only at Red Lobster. And, like, always getting upgraded to captain of the plane. Jasper, you like a Cheddar Bay biscuit, right?

Man, my main concern when flying is getting to my destination. Right. So that's all I'm concerned with, man. So that's how I— Do you fly, are you willing to fly an indirect flight? An indirect flight, you mean? You got connected flights. Yeah, I mean, that's, I have no choice these days, man. Unless you're going to New York or somewhere, I always have a layover. Are you willing to fly overnight? Yeah, I do what I have to do, man, to get that money. Would you rather fly? Would you

rather take an extra day and not fly overnight or fly overnight and save the day? Yeah, if it calls for it, like a lot of stuff depends on when I can check into my hotel. Am I going to have to kill some time before I can check in somewhere? So all that stuff I have to factor in, man. My rental situation with the car. So I can't. It's hard. But yeah, I'm always willing. I'm flexible.

But you don't have points. Do you have points? I do. I'm with Delta. Right. Delta Skelter. As they call themselves. Yeah, so I have a lot of.

Charles Manson was their spokesperson for a while, wasn't he? For a while. Yeah. Yeah, man. They focused on his songwriting career, really. Right, not the murders. Yeah. The legendary murdering spree.

We love his music. It's so creepy when you meet somebody who's into Charles Manson's music and insists that it's good. Yeah. That's weird, right? Just don't tell me about it. Right. Be into some other music. Yeah, there's so many different musics.

Let's just say you want some pop music that has an interesting backstory. Just pick a schizophrenic person like Daniel Johnston. There you go. Hey, Donovan exists. Yeah, just be into Donovan. You know what? Donovan's great. I don't know if he's not schizophrenic. No, but he's eccentric.

The boastful weirdo. Anyway. When you build up points, do you always get to write in first class or something? Not too often, but sometimes, man. I'd rather just have the first selection on the aisle seat. You know what I mean?

That's your preference. That's my preference, man. I don't mind sitting with the people. I'm of the people. Sure. You don't need to sit up front with the blue bloods. I don't like to isolate myself. You don't need to sit up front with Flava Flav.

No, I don't, really. I don't have nothing in common. I'm more, like I said, I'm common folk. Well, you have all that cash in your pocket. Yeah, you do have a pocket full of. Shoot. They call you the rubber band man. The rubber band.

Because of the sheer volume of cash in your pockets. Yeah, man. I just want to know where all this money is going that you put and give these airlines, man. Because they are not reinvested in the planes. Well, here's what. I think it's going to the fact that they can fly you places. Right. Is that correct?

Yeah. To get a thing to fly. But why? And to the writers of their great in-flight magazines. We're talking Horizons. Why doesn't a guy who's running for governor or something make his deal like, hey, I'm going to make getting in on an airplane not a nightmare. Yeah. Oh, man, they will win so fast.

Right. Yeah. Everybody has to get on an airplane. They got to go home for Thanksgiving. I think maybe the problem with that is like that resonates for us definitely. But I think their usual person flies once every other year. Then maybe that's not of a huge concern to them. Oh, man. But yes, I mean they definitely – Don't people have to go home for year, then maybe that's not of a huge concern to them.

But yes, I mean, they definitely- Don't people have to go home for Thanksgiving? No, that's true. What about busy businessmen? Yeah, it has busy businessmen and comedians covered. Like, you will lock down that vote so quick. Yeah, well, that's all you need to win, right? That's more than 50%. I'm a busy businessman.

You guys, that's three out of three. Yeah. No, I guess you're right. I'm a busy businessman. You guys are both comedians. So 100% of people are either a busy businessman or, well, Lindsay is on the board today. She's not a busy businessman or a comedian. So three out of four people, based on this survey, by Rasmussen Research, are busy businessmen or comedians.

That, by the way, is a little bit of political satire in this week's Jordan, Jesse, Go. By Rasmussen Research, our busy businessmen or comedians. Yeah. That, by the way, is a little bit of political satire in this week's Jordan, Jesse, Go. Cutting. Yeah, thank you. I'm a regular Pew Center I'm doing an airplane ride, it's just amazing how unpleasant every part of it is. Sure. Right? All of it sucks. The core of the airline flying experience is that it is a thing that goes 600 miles an hour.

That is 10 times as many miles an hour as a car goes. I think like, yeah, I mean, I guess, I mean, not, here's my one positive airline experience I've had recently. When we were flying to London, I finally got a chance to watch American Reunion. And, you know, I didn't, it's not something I wanted to pay to see. I definitely wanted to see it on a plane. Right. And there it was. There it was, right inside that television.

On demand. My airplane had a little television in your seat, but to watch it, you had to pay $6. Oh, that's wrong. In a fucking bus station in 1974 to put quarters into the TV? Yeah, man, don't put no damn screen in front of me for the whole flight and then tell me I have to pay for it. That's wrong. You know what? This is something I really—

Just turn on the screen. It's there. Here's something I believe in. That's wrong. I'm going to send this out to all my people out there in radio land who like to ride on airplanes. From busy businessmen to comedians to even the people

who just go home for Thanksgiving every other year. You can turn that fucking screen off. Please turn the screen off. You can watch it. If you're watching it,

watch it. If you're not watching it, just turn it off. Man, I've been on a plane where they waive the charge and let you watch it for free. I know. Because they have that power.

That's what I'm saying, man. Like, why are you charging people to watch TV? I mean, they just try to nickel and dime you with every term, man. That is the very definition of doing too much. Airlines, y'all doing too much. That is way over the top. We don't need it. I'm going to get my mom on this.

Yeah. Let us watch American Reunion. We don't want to pay for it, but we're really curious. Look, I missed The Avengers when it was in theaters. I have a baby. I don't get to go to every movie I want to go to. I just want to see it, but I don't want to pay for it. It was okay, The

Avengers. Okay. Not as good as I hoped it would be. Yeah. I mean, to be fair, you maybe didn't see it as the filmmakers intended. No, they originally wanted me to watch it on a transcontinental flight while I was trying desperately to stave off a migraine headache. And the person in front of me had put their seat so far back that there was no way for me to adjust the television so that the viewing angle was correct, so everything sort of looked like it was grayscale. Oh, man. That's the worst, too.

You ever have somebody look back at you and then put it back? Here I come, buddy. I think at that point they should just mouth, fuck you. Exactly. Like, enjoy these knees. Yeah, I'd like to just see, like, a hand coming around the side and a finger pops up and then chunk. Yeah, I would like, yeah. I wonder if that's, I bet the makers of American Reunion are probably okay with you seeing their movie On a seat back. The thing about a person putting a seat back that is torturous for me is on most airlines when I'm flying in coach, as I do, I'm also a man of the people.

My knees are – if I'm sitting in the chair and my knees aren't actively splayed out – Thank you for actually splaying when you said that. For the home listener, Jesse showed off a little bit of his bunch. Yes. If my knees are sitting in front of me like a regular person, my knees are touching the back of the chair when the chair

is not reclined. And if your knees are splayed out like a whore. Yeah. What happens is I actually have to splay my legs out like a whore because it's the only way to fit my legs in. Sure. And what happens is someone will put their seat back and it will hit my knees immediately. And then they'll just sort of rock back and forth, pushing on my knees like there's something wrong with the chair.

Like, what's wrong with this chair? It feels like there's knees at the back of it. Like dunk, dunk, dunk, dunk. Yeah, I bet I could push through that with force. Yeah, exactly. Meanwhile, my knees are just sort of getting pressed down into the side, growing big blue-green bruises on them. Airline travels hard, huh?

It is. Am I right? I wish that someone – here's what I really wish. I wish someone would have the courage to talk about the challenges of airline travel, particularly in the comedy community. Right. Right, man.

I have to resist doing airline jokes so hard, man. Not us. I have to resist it so hard because it is, it is a frustration. It's such an indignity. Yeah. It is so sad.

Like I have to like – I'll be ready to grab for my pen and pad on the plane like, ah, no, no. And it is one of these things that even as we're talking about it, I'm like know it's one of these things that is that that is a part of our lives but like you know it's like just one of those comedy topics where where it just isn't related to we'll do a lot of people it's like it's like airline travel and how annoying are bachelorette parties these are like i feel like kind of twin topics that you have to like the two kind of work a little bit to get people to relate to. That are out of scale important. Right. Right.

Very important. Relative to anything else. But I feel like I got to get points. Yeah. Everybody else has points besides me. I don't know. I have some virgin points. Yeah.

I think pick one or, you know, I have one or two airlines that I have points on, but not all of them. The problem is that your airlines, the only airline where my legs aren't in constant danger is JetBlue because it has longer, it has more leg room. Because you use their complimentary bag of blue potato chips as like a cushion. Yeah, exactly. Oh, they give you potato chips? Yeah, they're blue too. They're real good. JetBlue gives you super good snacks.

JetBlue is really delivers on their modest promise. That's the JetBlue system. It's a discount carrier. These snacks are pretty good. Yeah. Hey, we're actually going to let you watch the television for free. Yeah. Oh, man, that's lovely.

Yeah. There's no tricks. There's no tricks. And sincerely, the leg room is just enough. Like I only need like three extra inches to be safe. So they give me that on the JetBlue. But JetBlue only flies from New York to Los Angeles. Like New York to Long Beach.

Yeah, exactly. Long Beach and then to like Fort Lauderdale. Sure. And Chicago. It basically runs a sort of Jewish retiree route from New York to Los Angeles to Florida. Actually, some of the terminals are in delis. Yeah, that's true. Right. Yeah, it gets on at Long Beach, but you can get on it at Cantor's on Fairfax.

Yeah. That's another place. Well, they have one of those underground things with the moving walkway. Oh, sure. So that's good. It's nice. And you can get a nice pastrami. Sure.

It's great. Good deli mustard. Mm-hmm. Nice rye bread. I wish there was a... I wish you could board at Langer's. Of course, it's closer. That would be nice.

Closer here to Max Fund headquarters. Ah, Langer's. Yes, yes. Jasper and I went to lunch at Langer's. It was great. Good. Oh, it was so good. Yeah.

So good. So fucking good. If anybody's ever in Los Angeles, that's the place to go. Yeah, man. lunch at Langer's. It was great. Oh, it was so good. Yeah. So good. So fucking good. If anybody's ever in Los Angeles, that's the place to go. Go to Langer's. Yeah. Do not leave without eating that sandwich. That is definitely one of the famous food things that just fucking delivers. This is one of the world's special things.

It's even better than we can say. Yeah. There's nothing. I mean, look. I'm a San Francisco partisan. I believe San Francisco is one of the great food cities of the world. There's nothing like that in San Francisco. That's a special experience.

Langer's Deli. Sporters of Jordan, Jesse Go. Langer's Deli, JetBlue. Fuck you, United. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, Go. It's Jordan, Jesse, Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's love you, love you, love you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I'm your guest, Jasper Redd. Jasper Redd, as good as it gets. As good as it gets. Jasper also has a new web series, by the way. He's been on his YouTube channel. I've enjoyed both of the two episodes thus far. Thank you much. Thank you much.

Thank you much. What's it called again? It's called Attention America? It's called Hello America. Hello America. So search for Jasper Redd, Hello America. We'll link it up. It's really great.

And I want to take this opportunity, by the way, to thank everyone who gave during Max Funday. Yeah. Max Funday was a fucking blast. I had such a great time talking to everybody, doing the Reddit. Everybody talked to everybody. So many people were tweeting about it, sharing it on Facebook. So much. We bought your donations and support for Max Fund bought nearly 10,000 meals for needy families in the Los Angeles area. So thank you so much for that.

And thank you so much for your support of all of our shows. Jordan, Jesse go listeners fucking came through big time. Um, it's really, it's really fantastic and means a lot. And I was, I was really happy we were able to do that that way.

And in that single day, um, it was a really great experiment and we're, we're really happy to have the support. So there's that. Also, uh, ask. Meta filter is our sponsor week, as they are every week.

Ask.Metafilter.com. Life's Little Questions Answered. It's a forum you can go to. You can ask it basically any question. And a smart person, not a weird moron with an anime avatar will answer that question for you. The best. I mean, you could ask it, where is the best deli sandwich in the world? I think we've answered that here.

Yeah, we already answered that question. But you can ask it something like that. Yeah. Here's what I like to do. Like, if I have a problem that I don't know the answer to and it's weird, it's not like a factual thing. It's like a tricky thing. Like what's a good weekend? Bless you.

Excuse me. What's a good weekend vacation to drive to out of Los Angeles or something like that? You know, something that's a little nebulous and hard to Google. Not easily Google-able. I always start by Googling Ask Metafilter. So I'll put in Ask Metafilter and then whatever the shit is that I'm looking for and nine times out of ten it's already been

answered by an actual like you said a fucking reasonably intelligent with thoughtful no anime avatars either yeah like so many people just trying to help each other out with their with their reliable experiences I feel like it's the only reliable website on the internet.

Perhaps. Like I actually trust it. You know what I mean? Maybe I sort of trust the forums on Chowhound to tell me where I should eat in a strange city. But besides those two things. I mean, I trust E-Bomb's World for the best nut shot vids. Sure.

Ask.Metafilter.com. Let's go up on the Jumbotron this week. Chris Woods' Sandstorm exhibition Indiegogo campaign at Indiegogo.com slash Sandstorm. Chris Woods is an artist from, of course, of what place? Of course, Chilliwack, British Columbia. What other place would he be from? What other place would he be from? He's trying to launch an exhibition called Sandstorm at the Reach Gallery Museum in Abbotsford, British Columbia. They are epic style paintings about the most important movies in the history of pop culture, the Star Wars trilogy. Told through the eyes of Darth Vader. So he's hoping to take a unique look at the films that captivated a generation, specifically a look through the eyes of Darth Vader. Oh, terrific.

So you can go to Indiegogo.com slash Sandstorm to learn more about that. Also this week, we are supported by Ting. Ting is mobile that makes sense. This is a mobile phone service with literally no contracts where, among other things, and I actually am very impressed by this, if you use less minutes or megabytes or what have you than you are paying for, they just drop you down to a lower level and have you pay that amount that much. And it works the same way the other way around. If you use more, they just have you pay the higher level. There's no weird overage charges. Anyway, you can visit them online at jordanjessego.ting.com. If you go to jordanjessego.ting.com, you'll get $50 off for the purchase of your first device. If you want to get up on the Jumbotron, go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron.

It's cheap. It's easy. If you want to advertise on Jordan, Jesse, Go, or any of our programs, including Bullseye, My Brother, My Brother, and Me, Risk the Memory Palace, Throwing Shade, email our development director, Teresa, at MaximumFun.orgorg t-h-e-r-e-s-a at maximum fun.org we'll be back in just a second on jordan jessico it's jordan jessico i'm jesse thorne america's radio sweetheart jordan mor, boy detective. And I'm your guest, Jasper Redd. I can't help but notice, Jasper, that we're one hour and five minutes into this program. You are still wearing your sunglasses. Hey, man.

I'm cool. I was going to call— You can't argue with that. The man is cool. He is a cool man. If I could see you, what's the problem? He's selective about who he hangs out with, Jesse. I was about to call Jasper Hollywood Cole.

And then I remembered this totally shattered my world. There's this outcast record. You know this, Jordan, I'm sure. Sure. Where Andre says, and somebody then took his shirt off, talking about, now who else want to fuck with Hollywood Cole? And it turns out the man says Hollywood Court. Yeah, that's correct.

Which is like a neighborhood or housing projects or something in Atlanta. Huh. You thought Hollywood Cole was like an alter ego or something. Yeah, I thought this dude's name was Hollywood Cole, which is a great fucking name. Yeah. It's like as good a name as it gets. I know.

Who would want to fuck with Hollywood Cole? Not me. That guy's in the club taking care of business. He's got his shirt off. He's on blow. He's fucking high as a kite. Yes, that is true interesting is it j cole rapper j cole actually sampled that in a song because he thought the same thing yeah that's

how i found out about it i was right on board i assumed i had for 10 years so did that guy i had been thinking about like if i ever need to have if i ever need to have an alter ego name Hollywood Cole like I got this in my back pocket but did the other guy think it was about him and that's why he sampled it he's like oh no it just fit in because he said Cole and his name is J. Cole so he's like oh that's just perfect

yeah and then he found out the hard way when a bunch of people from Atlanta emailed him to correct him because apparently it's just mealy-mouthed Andre 3000 saying Hollywood Court, but it sounds like Hollywood Call. Yes. Now, if you own the album Equimini, which that song is on, Sporty Odie Dopealicious, the album does come with the lyrics.

Do the lyrics include the ad-libs? No, it's not an ad-lib. It's actually a lyric that was printed inside the album booklet. He's not rapping when he says that, though. No, it's a spoken word piece, but... It says it in the album? It says it. I mean, I own this album.

I got it when it first came out. Jasper, look, I also own this album. I got it a couple years after it came out, but not very long after it came out. I've had it for a very long time. I guess I'm just not as much of a nerd as you are sitting there. Oh, man, you're talking about my favorite group now. You're talking about my favorite group, so yeah, man. I mean, honestly, that fucking shattered my mind because it's one of my favorite songs of all time, one of my favorite records of all time, probably my favorite group of all time ever, too. Well, Jesse, I'm a postmodernist.

And as so, I believe that once an artist, you know, produces a work, it no longer belongs to them. It belongs to the person consuming it. Would you say this is an intertextual dialogic type situation? Yes, I would, Jesse. Thank you. I appreciate that. And so, you know, I think if you are happier thinking that it's Hollywood coal, then I say go for it. Oh, what's up?

I don't know. What's up, buddy? You know, like, I don't want to mess with Andre's vision. That guy's got so much vision inside him. I even bought his clothes when he had a clothing line. Oh, no. Not outcast clothing. You talking about that Bixby line?

Yeah, that shit was good. Yeah, man. Jasper's not on board. Nah, man. I ain't into buying rappers' clothes. I'm like, look, man. That's the only rappers' clothes I've ever had anyone buy. Let's be clear about that.

Oh, on the subject of clothes, Jasper, I have a question for you. I was watching you on Comedy Central the other day. You were hilarious, as I think people would. Jasper, we're fans of yours. Yeah, we've mentioned this. We think you're really funny. You were wearing a cowboy hat, which I have never seen you wear before. What?

Where did you get it, and what was the decision to wear a cowboy hat? Jasper, I'm not going to lie. You're from Tennessee, right? Yes. I did not know you were from that kind of Tennessee. Well, you know, I was in Nashville at the time working at Zanies Comedy Club. And while I was there, I wanted to get... I wanted to represent

my heritage. Were your people cowpokes? Nah, I mean... I'm pretty sure there's some brothers who rode a horse or two with a cowboy hat on. And I just loved that look. I loved the cowboy

look. It's some very masculine look. So I purchased me a cowboy hat too. And hey, I was rocking it all summer. How many gallons are we talking about here? I don't know how many gallons, but it fit my head nicely. And man, I be, it actually,

me wearing it, when people saw me wearing it like in my everyday life, like it just went for the stage. I would go, I mean, actually, me wearing it, when people saw me wearing it, like, in my everyday life, like, it just went for the stage. I would go, I would drive around with it. It made other black dudes feel, man, you know what, I own a cowboy hat, too. Really? So you were converting other black people to the Western lifestyle. I was bringing them out the closet, man. But I also liked that with the cowboy hat, you were wearing Dickies and Converse. Yes.

Yes, yes, I was. And like, yeah, you were kind of combining your two heritages. Right. So you're half cowboy, half cholo. Well, you know, I was wearing a cowboy hat. I had on a necktie. You know what I'm saying? I had on my necktie, you know what I'm saying? I had on my dick slats. So you're a combination of a cowboy, a cholo, and a member of the Strokes.

A member of the Strokes. Something like that, man. I was trying to hit all demographics. So, okay, when you say that you're rocking this cowboy hat, there's no pearlized snaps. There's no western cut suits. You're not wearing a nudie suit. Nah, I'm not wearing no cowboy boots. I'm not wearing no chaps.

Would you wear a cowboy boot? Yeah, I would. I would. In an urban context? Yeah, man. I mean, brothers do it. Would you stroll around Venice in cowboy boots? Yes. Okay. Would you stroll around Venice in cowboy boots? Yes.

Okay. Would you ride a horse? I'm not opposed to it, man. I'm not opposed to it. Would you punch a man off a roof so that he fell into a horse's water trough? Yes, especially if they were for United. Yes, especially if they work for United. Have you ever had an occasion to lasso a doggie?

Oh, no, man. That shit is fun to watch, though. I love watching rodeos, man. Really? I do. Do you watch them on television or live in person? Television. You know I ain't going to on live.

You put on your cowboy hat. Everybody thinks you're that one cowboy rapper guy. Oh, let me tell you, too, man. Darius Rucker from Hootie and the Blowfish. And don't underestimate the love you get from the females for wearing such a hat. Really? Wow. I'm telling you, man.

I used to get those messages, man. Really? Yes. And not just, what kind of females are we talking about? Are we talking about women who would otherwise be in a rodeo context or looking for a rodeo guy? Or are we talking about women who are surprised at the effect that the cowboy hat has on them? It's hard to say, but mostly I would get it from, you know, southern females. You know, southern females love the cowboy look.

You know what? I think you could be the next Brad Paisley. Who? Brad Paisley. Country western superstar Brad Paisley. You really got to get in touch with your roots. If that's what you're all about. Hey, man, I'm about the look, not the lifestyle.

We've got some telephone calls. When something momentous happens to our listeners, we ask that they give us a call at 206-984-4FUN. Somebody tweeted me the other day, I got a momentous occasion, but I forgot the phone number. Yeah, that's why she put in your fucking phone. Don't be an idiot. Yeah. I'm sorry. I don't mean to call the listeners idiots, but some of them are just dumb as rocks.

Some of them are as dumb and mean as United employees. So, 206-9844-FUN is the number. Lindsay, why don't you give us that first call? Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. Hi, Go. This is Katie from Pennsylvania. Calling you on some momentous occasion.

I just watched the sunrise for the first time. I mean, I'd been awake, you know. It was still dark out, and then, you know, the sun comes up. But I made a point of actually watching the sunrise, and it was fucking beautiful. Majestic. And the day I decided to do this on was my 27th birthday, so age 27 season already. More powerful than ever. Thanks.

Here's the thing. Yeah. More powerful than ever is about dominating obstacles in your path, about crushing your enemies, and not capitulating, but just fucking them up, just tearing them, rending them limb from limb. It's not about sunsets and sunrises. Yeah.

I mean, look. I agree. But maybe her enemy in this case, maybe the enemy that she is, you know, rending the limbs off of is sleeping in. Oh, yeah. She's getting a jump on her. Or hip. Yeah. I don't know.

Well, I'm saying maybe the enemy, her enemy is her own sleepiness. I mean, it could be she's getting up early. That's one of the obstacles in her life is that she's super sleepy. Yeah. You think it's possible she's a koala? Could be. Could be. I hope so.

Got a little baby on her back. The only thing keeping her away from those delicious eucalyptus sweets. You got to get up early to get the best eucalyptus. Yeah. Oh, man. I was not expecting you to say that. So I just, given this new context that you've given me that sleepiness might be the issue in her life, I'm willing to give her a pass and say more powerful than ever. Yeah.

She sounded kind of sleepy. Yeah. You know what? Plus, and the combination of that and her age 27 season. If you don't know this, Jasper, I know you're a baseball fan because you're wearing an A's hat right now. R.I.P. to the A's playoff chances, by the way. But it was an amazing season. Yeah.

They weren't even supposed to beat her. Yeah. It was an amazing, amazing season to the A's playoff chances, by the way, but it was an amazing season. Yeah, they weren't even supposed to beat us. Yeah, it was an amazing, amazing season for the A's. Bill James, a baseball researcher, Bill James in the 1980s determined that players are most likely to have the best season of their career when they're 27. And so when you're 27, that's your age 27 season. And as far as I'm concerned, that can extrapolate out to other parts of our lives. You turn 27, some people are worried because they're like, oh, now that means I officially have to be a grown-up. I'm not in my early or

mid-20s anymore. No, it means that you're about to dominate the field. You're about to Brady Anderson, those motherfuckers. You're about to watch some beautiful sunrises. You are in your prime, yes. Absolutely. Put on a cowboy hat and get out there. You are in your prime, yes. Absolutely. Put on a cowboy hat and get out there on the streets and take care of business.

Lindsay, let's hear the next call. Show some southern females what's what. Hey, JJ Go, this is Lance from Brooklyn. I'm upstate. I just went to a wedding. The first dance was Careless Whispers, a song about infidelity with the lead singer's best friend's girl. Fucking awesome. Love the show. Love you.

Bye. That is really fraught territory. That picking a song for a wedding. Sure. All love songs have some other weird... That's why all they ever play at weddings is when a man loves a woman. Yeah. Or butterfly kisses when the dad has to dance with the daughter.

Like, it is really, I worked for a wedding DJ for a while. It is hard. Yeah. The only things that everyone agrees on is When a Man Loves a Woman and Kiss by Prince. That's it. Really? Like, you know that at the beginning you can play When a Man loves a woman and two thirds of the way through you can play kiss. Like when,

when shit goes, starts to go wrong, you played a rap record and it turns out that the old people hate you now. Like whatever. You can just play kiss. Yeah. That's the only like thing that you have, you know,

I mean, to some extent you could play like the Isley brothers version of shout or something like that. But mostly those are your two songs that you can play. Yeah. I mean, and it's like there are those. And, you know, it seems like what you play in between is less important than there's those like pivotal wedding moments. You know, like there's those signposts and you have to nail that with a song.

And that's a little bit tougher than just like here are some peppy songs for people who want to dance yeah my my wife and i had to pick a first dance song and it was hard it was hard because to the extent that we had a song you know couples could have a song it was the roots song you got me which is not a song that you're going to slow dance to at a wedding. Sure. You're the drum and bass break at the end, maybe. But it seemed like a weird choice. And so we picked Song For You, the Donny Hathaway version of A Song For You,

which is the most beautiful love song that I'm aware of. But it's also 10 minutes long. It has a three-minute intro. Oh three minute intro so we had to like work with with our luckily the dj was a friend of ours so i was like cj like we have to figure out how to bring this in so that we're not just dancing by ourselves in the middle of the floor for 10 minutes to like there's all these like orchestral flourishes and shit. And it's a fraught situation. It is a fraught situation. Yeah.

Yeah. But I mean, I guess you could just, I guess, I mean, there is a tighter version of that song that I think you can pick. And it kind of has the same vibe. I think you could pick Kisses Back in the New York Groove. Sure. Did you consider Back in the New York Groove. Sure. Did you consider Back in the New York Groove? Our original plan was just to do George Clinton's Atomic Dog. Oh, that would have been awesome.

No. But also just do a tender slow dance. Yeah, absolutely. Well, you know, bow, wow, wow, yippee, oh, yippee, yeah, sure. See, you got buck tradition sometimes, man, and don't always play. Have you got a plan? Are you going to play Spodey Odie Dopealicious when? I'm not getting married, so I ain't got to worry about that.

Really? That's right. Because you're already having a hard enough time just putting on that cowboy hat, dealing with the ensuing. Yeah, man, I just said sometimes you got to buck tradition, so I'm not getting married at all. Sorry, sweetie. Are you going to have children across the globe?

Not having children either. Really? That's right. You're just going to do this solo? I mean, nah, I got a girl. And she understands me. And that's, I'm good to go. You're like the Highlander.

I am the Highlander. The Highlander wasn't married. There can only be one. You know, I've heard that they have said that the, I think it's the second Highlander movie didn't count. Really? I hear that the Highlander mythology has discounted the second. One, just one of the Highlander movies. Yeah.

That's interesting. And I also hear that the Terminator world says that the third movie didn't happen. You know, I have heard that the Highlander world discounted the second movie and substituted the movie Starman. Yeah. So the mythology from the movie Starman applies to the Highlander universe.

I'm not entirely clear how it applies. And actually, Terminator, they use the movie Condorman. Huh. Yeah, the Disney family. You can just put in other movies. Yeah, so they want to beef out, they want to flesh out the world without having to release a bunch of tie-in novels. You know what I mean?

That's ultimately, you want something for the nerds to be able to graph and chart. Yeah. You know what I mean? Let's take another call here. We got one more call. Hello, Jordan, Jesse, and potential guests. I've had a momentous occasion this last weekend during some drunken debauchery at a local bar singing karaoke. I met up with a mom of one of my friends.

He's about this friend. He's about 25. He acts like he's 43. And, well, he likes to fight a lot. It's only pertinent because I made out with his mom. Not intentionally. We usually just kiss each other on the cheek. But as both of us were drunk, we ended up Frenching on the floor.

Yeah. All right. Bye. Oh, Jiminy Christmas. He likes to... I Frenched his mom. He likes to fight a lot? Yeah.

Wow. Wait, so I guess I don't know where they're at. Does the friend know about it? He didn't reveal it. Yeah. Yeah. We need so I guess I don't know where they're at. Does the friend know about it? He didn't reveal it. Yeah. We need some more information on this. The information that he gave us was not the essential information. Yeah.

Number one, it's not essential to this that you're at karaoke. Karaoke does not lead to Frenching your friend's mom. There's no one-to-one relationship. I think in general, like a bar on a karaoke night, people are a little bit drunker than they are on a non-karaoke night. So maybe that is important that, you know, there's some, you know, the drinking is a little more intense than it usually is. But yeah, also, what happened? Was someone singing a romantic song? Sure.

Number one. So that's one piece of information that I don't think is the right information. Number two, he's 25, but he acts like he's older. Yeah. What the fuck does that have to do with any of this? He loves to fight. And number three- He still pays his bills by mail.

Number three is he loves to fight as though old people are always fighting each other. As though that's a. Jesse, did you see The Expendables? Did you see The Expendables 2? Basically, the thesis of that movie is that anyone over 40 will kick you in the head for basically no reason. What is this nonsense? This is a crazy situation.

Have you seen Taken? That's an old person who will punch you in the throat. These things do not explain what's going on. These are superfluous. It's like as though he called us and said, yesterday I was at Disney World. We got a fast pass for Space Mountain. It was great. I always love going to Space Mountain.

I got thrown out for publicly jacking off. Before that, I ate a churro. Today, I shot the vice president. There are just things that don't. It's not. The pieces of the puzzle do not make a beautiful picture. They are only small, unconnected pieces of the puzzle. You can't even make part of the border of the puzzle from the pieces of the puzzle that he gave us. in The Usual Suspects, where we have to kind of, you know,

we need a board behind us with everything, and we can maybe get some pushpins and strings to the- It needs a better illustration. Yeah. Or those scenes in The Wire where there are strings attached to everybody. Sure. The Polaroids of everybody. Yeah. That's probably the problem.

We need a visual input for this. Did you take a video of you making out with your friend's mom? Oh, man, that's even worse. Do you think they're 25? Was the mom at, was the mom, how is he at, okay. What is a mom doing at a bar? Moms are not allowed in bars. No, but why was he?

Alcohol kills the fetus. Why was he at a bar? Why was he at a bar with the mom, but not the guy? Because the guy, whose mom it was, was it his birthday party? Well, maybe that's like, just the guy... But he had

already gone home? Yeah. That's the only explanation I can come up with. Maybe the mom is just party mom. Like, the guy maybe doesn't doesn't go out because he is a little bit he acts older so maybe mom's mom's doing the partying for the whole family also why did this stop at first base yeah what why didn't you fuck the mom in what scenario are you drunk enough to make out with your friend's mom, but then that's all that happens. Yeah. You've basically, like, the damage is done.

Yeah, exactly. The floodgates are open. Fuck the mom. Once the tongue goes in the mouth, you should be intercoursing. Sure. Because you've already breached the social contract. You might as well get something out of it. Yeah, you might as well just, you know, if you're going to be a monkey, be a gorilla.

Yeah. Absolutely, absolutely. Yep. As soon as I find out you done had relations with my mama, oh, bro. And you like to fight, Jasper. Oh, at that moment, yes. You like to fight. Yes, I'm pulling out my Hollander sword.

And your six gun. Yeah, man. It is over, Rover. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan. Yeah, man. It is over, Rover. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I'm your guest, Jasper Redd.

Jasper, if we want to go on the Internet to learn more about Jasper Redd, where should we go? On to the Twitters? Yeah, I am on Twitter under my name, Jasper Redd. Redd has two Ds. That's right. And I also have a YouTube channel also under my name, Jasper Redd. Look for that. That's where you can find Jasper's web series, Hello America.

It's very funny. I think you should share it with your friends. You should watch it, enjoy it, laugh at it. I give it a full-throated recommendation in direct contrast to the web videos of our friend Brent Weinbach, also one of the funniest people around. A lot of help. and Brent Weinbach, also one of the funniest people around. Lord help me. Hey, while the listener is on YouTube, can I suggest something to watch? Yeah, of course.

I don't know if these will be out at the time of this podcast, but eventually, sometime in the near future, I'm going to have a video series on IGN's YouTube channel, which is YouTube.com. That's the International Gaming Network. It is. YouTube.com slash start. Me and some very funny people wrote a little kind of a sitcom type series about people who work in a GameStop type store. I think it's going to be called GameShop.

I suggested the name Super Turbo Video Game Sitcom to Gaden. I was shot down. But I think it's called GameShop. And it's really, really funny. I think they pleaded to us to make it kind of general interest to appeal to a general audience. But I feel like I was able to slip in some very deep cut video game jokes. Great. Is there any Herzog's Vi stuff?

That's my primary interest. There's no Herzog's Vi. Any references to the Genesis game Flashback? There's not. But I'm very proud of this. There is a run of jokes that happens over several episodes about the Panasonic 3DO. And they actually had to, at the end of the, at the end, kind of when these pay off, you actually see the 3DO. And they had to have a PA drive from LA to Pomona to get a 3DO.

Which is one of the proudest moments of my showbiz career. What does a 3DO cost in 2012? Is that a collector's item? No, I mean, I think it's just there are not many of them, and I think they went on Craigslist to find one. Because only the richest kid in school has one. Oh, no, 3DO. Yeah, this is not a Neo Geo.

I think this is just a failure. Really? Yeah, I never heard of that. I think the 3DO was also like a $500. It was. It was expensive, man. Thank you, Jasper. Thank you very, I never heard of that. I thought this video was also like a $500. It was. It was expensive, man. Thank you, Jasper. Thank you very much.

It was highly expensive. Look, I know a thing or two about video games. Sure. Sega Master System. Mm-hmm. NHL Hockey. Yep. That's it.

Two things. So two things. Two things. Yeah, so this is a rare thing, and it was just a real delight to kind of write something just off the flight of fancy and then have some poor underpaid guy have to bust his ass to get it. You're also one of the stars of the show. I am one of the stars of the show. Yeah, and there's a lot of super funny people in the show. Some of them you have heard on Jordan Jesse Go. So, yeah, scan the YouTube for this thing.

And for God's sakes, please leave a nice comment because. That's all anyone cares about. Because we're going to get obliterated. The first couple episodes of this show are going to have so much homophobia and racism. Don't read the comments ever, ever, ever. Do not look under your bed. That's what I call ever. Do not look under your bed. That's what I call it. Don't look under your bed.

Because there are racist, homophobic monsters. Yeah, man, don't look under your bed. So, yeah. But it goes a long way with the people who are deciding whether or not to give us more money to make more if you just leave a nice comment. Yeah. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica.