Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 259: Get Rapaport with Rico Gagliano

Episode Date: January 21, 2013

Host of public radio show The Dinner Party, Rico Gagliano, joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of the films of RZA and ICP, pig pheremones, favorite cheeses, the books of Mary Roach, and dig deeper into the development of Eagle and Pelican.

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan and Jesse Goh. Welcome to the program. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Oh, I would also like to welcome you to the program. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. That's a new thing that we're going to do. We're going to welcome people into the program. We're going to bring people in. We're big tent. Yeah. I mean, I think it's better than our old intro where we just tell the audience to go fuck themselves.

The old suck it intro, as we called it. We don't even want you to be listening. No. Go stick it in your ear. Delete this from your hard drive. That actually was our slogan. We meant for it to be a pun, but it became more literal than, you know. Well, we started the show when we were 1930 street urchins.

And someone had just taken our stickball broom handle. Right. Yes, exactly. We were kicking that can, we said to the guy who took our can. Just real quick. Please. You know, we've already welcomed in the new listener. So the new listener out there, you're in, you're on board.

Welcome to the program. Loyal listeners, go fuck yourselves. No, no. Loyal listeners. Loyal listeners now are wondering what the weather's like in Los Angeles. Oh, good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's beautiful in Los Angeles.

It's beautiful. It was cold earlier this week. Almost actually cold. Yeah. I woke up one morning, 35 degrees outside. I had to put an extra blanket on the bed. Exactly. However, now, 75.

Sure. It's beautiful. It's gorgeous in Los Angeles. Did you know that about Los Angeles? Yeah, I did. Weather is nice. Yeah. I've heard that.

Yeah. But the parking. Go ahead. Go ahead. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, I was just going to say, I'm cruising around in a t-shirt today for the first time in a while. You know, I'm wearing a t-shirt myself now.

It's feeling nice. I will say I added a layer. Safari jacket. But that's for utility. You got pockets. You got bottom and top pockets. For your... Blunderbuss?

I was going to say... Elephant gun? I was going to say, what's that disease you get from mosquitoes? Malaria? Yeah, your malaria medication. Your quinine. Sure. Sure.

Your tonic in one pocket and your gin in the other. Absolutely. You know how to do it Hemingway style. Yeah, of course. Since it was so nice, I had a walk over to the coffee shop this morning. And I walked after having gotten out of the shower. And the lady at the counter was just kind of looking at me and she's like, do you did you used to come in here a lot? Like I go in there fairly regularly. And I said, yeah, I mean, I come in here once in a while.

And she says, yeah, I think I recognize you, but your hair is not always wet. I think I recognize you, but your hair's not always wet. And I said, that's where you're wrong, ma'am. As soon as it starts to dry, I will be running into the bathroom and sticking my head under the sink. You just go from sprinkler to sprinkler. Sure, yeah. Running, bend it to waste. Let's introduce our guest.

Sure. At last Of course you know him You know him as the host of The Dinner Party Formerly The Dinner Party Download But they've expanded They've set their horizons wider Yes right Because you could potentially stream the program

Yeah So Download is Dinner Party Stream doesn't sound right to me. It doesn't. It doesn't. Actually, I've tried that out and it just. It's just. No.

It's unsuitable. Rico Galeano, welcome to the program. I am glad to be here. I would just like to join both of you in saying fuck off to your audience. Sure. Dislike you immensely. Sure. Don't need you.

Sure. In fact, we'd have a. You've really. You've really let yourself go. Audience. Oh, to the audience. Yeah. I was like. No, you look great. What? Don't need you. Sure. In fact, we'd have a problem. You've really let yourself go. Audience. Oh, to the audience. I was like, what? No, you look great.

What? I'm your guest. You look real good. Treat me like a guest. You look very good. Dinner party rule number one, like do not say bad things. You have an athletic physique. I bet you work out.

You can't tell. See, unlike you, I am wearing a sweater right now. I forgot that it was nice out because I spent all day in bed. Sure. So I walked out thinking that we were still living in the Arctic tundra style Los Angeles that we've been in for the last week. But so here I am. You can't tell if I'm ripped or not. By Arctic tundra style Los Angeles, we mean Chicago in late April.

That's correct. Do you remember? There are several giant sloths, though. That is true. That is correct. Did either of you East Coasters? I don several giant sloths, though. That is true. That is correct. Did either of you East Coasters? I don't know your band. No.

I'm from San Francisco, and Jordan is from Orange County. I see. Orange County. Woo-hoo. Gets, you know, nipple-hardening down there. It can get up down to the 90s. I mean, just because it's so sexually arousing. We should explain that.

Your nipples will get hard if you're super into dudes in raised trucks who love social distortion I was about to say Jordan is sexually aroused by raised trucks so yes that will get your nipples hard yes sir I'm from Pittsburgh Pennsylvania where it would get to like when it finally turned 48 degrees, you know, around June. It was everybody would be like, yeah, there'd be thongs and just like everyone where, you know, you were lucky if you. This is a butt thong or a foot thong. It would be either one. Sure.

You're lucky. It was Pittsburgh in the 80s. So you're lucky to have anything, frankly, with at the time we were eating. Pittsburgh in the 80s was a wild. Yeah. If by wild you mean emptying rapidly of humanity. It was like Warhol's factory in the late 60s, early 70s. Yeah.

It was like Warhol's factory in the late 70s without anything cool happening and people sad all the time. And Mario Lemieux. Don't never forget. Hockey legend Mario Lemieux. That's right. I would never forget. Can you guys explain something to me? Just the other day.

Yes. Just the other day, I went, I'm not trying to brag here, but I went for a recreational cycle ride. Hey. All right. That's why you're looking ripped today. I put on my helmet for safety. Okay. Put on my blinkers, again, for safety.

Okay. Put on my blinkers, again, for safety. Okay. Rolled up my pants leg and hit the asphalt. Took a trip down what we in Los Angeles call the Arroyo Seco. That would be the 110 freeway? That would be the 110 freeway. I was not literally on the 110 freeway. I was on the actual Arroyo Seco, the Los Angeles River, right next to the 110 freeway. There's a river next to the freeway? Yes.

I didn't even know that. I'm always on the freeway. I can't see no river. 110 freeway. There's a river next to the freeway? Yes. I didn't even know that. I'm always on the freeway. I can't see no river. Yeah, well, there's a river. It's a river in the Los Angeles sense, which is to say it's essentially an aqueduct. I see. So were you to have been driving the 110 freeway had you looked over at the river? You would not have seen me.

No? Because the river is deep. It's 15, 20 feet deep. What is the point of this story? It's a, 20 feet deep. What is the point of this story? The bike path. So I had never ridden along this bike path, but I'd always been interested in it. I'm a big fan of the Arroyo Seco, as you can tell. Yeah.

I'm full of facts about it. Sure. I've learned a lot today. So I get to the end, and there's a little park at the end. And in a lot of ways, it is a normal park. It's not big. There's a structure, a play structure for children.

There's a parking lot. One for the elderly. Yes. It's just a wall showing 60 minutes. Doesn't get much better. There's a little grassy field with a few trees. There's a older lady playing fetch with her small dog. Okay.

There's also... Is she fetching or is the dog fetching? The dog is fetching. Okay. The woman is lovely. The dog is fetching. Okay. Is that funny?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Fair enough. It's clever. It required the clarification of the second part. Right. But it was fun once we got to that part. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Fair enough. It's clever. It required the clarification of the second part. Right. But it was fun once we got to that part.

Sure. So there's also... Guys, I'm going to leave. I need to workshop this. There's also in this little park, 10 horse trailers in various states of repair and five roosters wandering around unattended how where did they come from who's taking care of those fucking idea there's no one there who seems responsible for the roosters it's possible that the roosters belong to the lady with the dog but she was certainly not paying and those are incompatible pets this damn urban farming thing

has been it's it's gone too far, man. You can't go anywhere where there's not an urban farm anymore. Not even the Arroyo Seco. It was so baffling. Because not just the roosters. The roosters lent it an air of sort of surrealistic confusion like the video game Myst. Sure. Or like a Chinese train station or something

exactly but but all of the horse trailers like i'm i don't know what this park is is definitely not a horse park this park is like horses this park is like 70 yards long This is not a horse riding area. There was no horses. Just horse trailers. And also, some of them looked pretty good, but some of them may have been abandoned. It's like a horse trailer company that bought and sold secondhand horse trailers, had lost a lease on its storage space, and just figured, Chuck them. Throw them in here.

There's some fucking roosters nobody's paying attention to. Yeah, but I think we'll solve the mystery when we learn which came first, the chicken or the horse trailers. Yeah, it is weird because they are so kind of related to each other, but it seems like they weren't there because of the same thing. Or maybe they were. I think when you keep chickens, you don't even want to have roosters. Why? Will the roosters hurt the... No, because they don't lay eggs and you can't eat them. Okay. They're just annoying. And I don't think a hen needs to be inseminated to lay an egg. Yeah. They lay eggs one way or the other. It's just sometimes they're fertilized,

sometimes they're not. If I'm not mistaken, I would have – I would probably run that by a botanist or something. Maybe someone that studies animals. I was trying to think of the – Not plants. I was trying to think of the last animal husbandry thing that I read about. Did you read the Mary Roach book Bonk? I did not read the Mary Roach book Bonk. I did not read the Mary Roach book Bonk. I'm trying to think if I've ever read anything about animal husband.

That's the one about – That is the sex one. I did read that one, yes, and I really enjoyed it. I was thinking – As I do all of Mary Roach's books. Sure. Yeah, not a – Stiff is the one that I have not read.

Okay. I'm just uneducated, so I'll sit here and listen for a while. Sure. We'll sit here and listen for a while. Sure. The thing that I – they do – they go to a pig insemination area in Denmark, like some – Area? Like a park? Yeah.

I don't know what to call it. A structure? It's like a region. Yeah. It's like a state. If you want black forest carvings, you go to the black forest region of Germany. And there's a – The amazing thing about-

So this pig insemination destination, you know, an insemination destination. That's where I'm going when I tour through there. Can we catch a reality show called Insemination Destination? Yeah. It's like a Bourdain style thing, but with Jackie Ross. Oh, okay. Somehow I think it should be flipped with a colon, though. Destination, insemination.

I was thinking it was like a duck dynasty thing. Oh, that's a good idea. What if it's about, oh, no, he's dead. I was thinking not little Willie John. Who's the guy who's saying I put a spell on you and comes out of the coffin? Oh, Screamin' Jay. Screamin' Jay. It would follow Screamin' Jay

from place to place impregnating women. Oh, that's true. Sure. He would love that. He famously had like 50 children. I would love to see a comic book

about Screamin' Jay Hawkins making his way across the land with a special insemination. Destination insemination. Let's get Brian K. Vaughn on the phone. I think he can do this.

Oh, God. If anyone can do it. I feel like the RZA should direct that movie. I don't know why. Sure. The RZA isn't very good at directing movies. I feel like the RZA should direct that movie. I don't know why. Sure. The RZA isn't very good at directing movies. I have seen the RZA's movie.

I think he'd do good with this material. I don't think he's found the right material. Could have been the material. Could have been the material. Did you know, can I, I just want to ask you a quick thing about the RZA. Please. Did you know he directed an entire movie, a feature film, a multi, like a million dollar feature film that has never been released? No.

He owns it and it's never been released? Other than the karate thing? Yes. So that is his second movie then? So this was much, yeah. So it was much rumored. Oh, I'm curious about this. It was much rumored that this film existed in hip hop circles, but I never believed it until I read this article in the New York Times.

So this is kind of like, this is kind of his, the day the clown cried. Exactly. Okay. Everyone needs one. Essentially what happened, according to him, was he made this film, and this was in an article about the man with the iron fist. But 10 years ago or something, he made this film. He was in an article about the man with the iron fist but 10 years ago or something he made this film

he showed it to distributors he got a $700,000 offer for the distribution rights wow

he wanted a million dollars so he held out they rescinded their offer and it's just never been released in any form what is it about?

it's a kung fu movie oh okay it's about I think it's just never been released in any form. What is it about? It's a kung fu movie. Oh, okay. I think it's about Bobby Digital, the RZA's character after the RZA. Okay. It's like a sci-fi kung fu movie, I think. I'm making that up, though. That's not from memory. So the story is that he made a movie

and it didn't get released. Yeah. Well, I guess that is kind of interesting. How can you be the RZA and not, like, every time I see- You could just put it out, look, think of all the movies that Master P released. Exactly. You know what I mean? I'd rather not. But I do feel like whenever you see those straight to DVD things, it's like, where did

Al Pacino or Brad Pitt find the time to make a movie so bad that I couldn't even hear about it as a guy who hosts a show where my job is to find out about what people like Al Pacino are doing. Do they sneak off somewhere and make these movies in Guam? And related, if the Dipset can make five, six, seven feature films, you know what I mean? They get out to people. People have access to the Dipset's filmography. feature films. You know what I mean? They get out to people. Yeah, sure. You know, people have access to the Dipset's filmography.

Yeah, why aren't we, if they can do it, why aren't we? ICP makes movies, right? Do they? Like Insane Clown Posse? Yeah, I think they have a Western. Narratives? Yes. Let's talk about the Insane Clown Posse.

I know, I'm like, oh God. I'm like, do I, I mean, I'm so curious, but it doesn't seem like something to watch out of curiosity. Maybe it looks like there's a super cut of best moments or something. I don't want to watch one of those movies, but I do very much want to be in one. Sure. That's very reasonable. I can't be.

You will spend four weeks on the set with them. I don't know. That could be like a gimp scenario from Pulp Fiction, depending on how you play your cards. How? Let's find out. They're like, you've been cast in the movie. Yeah. And then you wake up the next day.

Right. Bathtub filled with ice. That's right. Their movie is an elaborate scam to steal kidneys. Look, the insane clown posse, they have access to white people. But a Master P, he needs a white guy for his movie. You know what I mean? I'm fucking super white.

I mean, I guess. For a second I thought you were saying that they should join forces and sort of like. And trade ethnics. Yeah. I'm just saying. You've got so many white people. Yeah. Master P.

It's like Red Rover. Draw from our endless supply. I mean, they could cast you, but I mean, it seems like they... Oh, God, I can't remember his name. This would have been a great remark if I could have remembered the guy's name. The redheaded guy who's in all the Spike Lee movies. Oh. Michael Rappaport?

Yeah. Don't they just get Rappaport for that stuff? They do just get Rappaport. Man. Get us Rappaport. Did I ever tell you about when Rappaport was on San Diego America? No. Rappaport directed a very Get us Rappaport. Did I ever tell you about when Rappaport was on San Diego America? No. Rappaport directed a very good documentary about a tribe called Quest.

And maybe it's just because I care a lot about a tribe called Quest that I thought it was very good. But I think it is a very good movie. I cried a little bit. And Michael Rappaport came over to do – it was a really emotionally intense movie. It was super, super emotionally intense. Yeah. He came over to do – it was a really emotionally intense movie. It was super, super emotionally intense. Really? Yeah. There's parts of it that are just sort of like this is what A Tribe Called Quest is and this is sort of the history of A Tribe Called Quest. But most of it is them reuniting for a concert basically because Fife is sick.

Oh, right. And needs Q-Tip to – but they're like at each other's necks. And Fife is sad that he's not in A Tribe Called Quest anymore because he doesn't have that much of a career as Fife Dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Q-Tip can just sort of show up to a magazine party and they just hand him an envelope with $10,000. That's right. You know what I mean? And all of a sudden he's cut an album.

Yeah, he's sort of like – Doesn't even remember doing it. He's a sort of David Byrne type figure. Like people will just pay him to be artsy and pretty. Look, a box of Polaroids by Q-Tip. Yeah. Publish that shit. $500,000 advance.

Boom. Coffee table book. Done. Whereas Fife Dog is like a, he's like a recruiter for like a minor state college basketball team or something. Oh, man. So it's pretty intense and sad and, you, and they call each other faggot, and it's just really raw. So anyway, Rappaport came over.

Fucking Rappaport, man. That guy is a delight. No wonder rappers like him so much. This guy is one of the most fun guys ever. Oh, yeah. Back on Fuel TV, Rappaport was basically Fuel TV's Al Roker. Really? I mean, someone didn't show up.

Call Rappaport. Rappaport will fucking skate down a thing and hurt himself. Rappaport is all about it. Hey, you guys, let's agree. He's a fun, charming guy. Totally. And he's everything that you've seen of Michael Rappaport on screen. And you think, is this manufactured?

Like, is it? No, he's fucking, he's the real deal. Oh, I went to a celebrity basketball game that Rappaport played in, fucking owned everybody. He was like stuffing people. Yeah, totally. He was really good at basketball. I mean, just like in comparison to, you know, the other guys playing basketball. Is he really good at like slaying smart sharks? Uh, you know, as in the movie Deep Blue Sea. That's right. He was in. Oh, he was in Deep

Blue Sea, wasn't he? Yes, he was, sir. Sure. That is, by the way, can we just agree that for the rest of this hour, hour plus, whenever we're just at a loss for words, get Rappaport should be shouted. Get Rappaport. be shouted. Get Rappaport. Yeah. Bring in Rappaport. And I also think that you could sell that as a bumper sticker. Get Rappaport. That's fun. Let's do it. That is fun.

Wasn't that a late 90s, early 2000s Woody Allen movie? Yeah. That's what I thought. I'm like, that sounds so familiar. Get Rappaport. Oh, my God. I'm thinking of Get Carter. Get Shorty?

I would like to see Michael Caine and Michael Rappaport do a movie together. Oh, man. Hasn't that happened yet? He'll do anything. Probably. Is it true, by the way, that Michael Caine will take any job if you pay him enough? I've heard. That's what I've heard.

The thing that I've heard about Michael Caine and his weird career is that he picks movies based on where he gets to go to film them. Oh, really? So, yeah, I think he, like, I don't know, I guess the Miss Congeniality movies were just, like, filmed in exotic locations or something. Wait, is Michael Caine in the Miss Congeniality movies? I think so. This is evidence that he will basically take anything. take anything. But if that is true, then you need to tape an episode of your show in pick exotic place and just scrounge up a bunch of cash and get Michael Caine on your show. That is a good idea.

Maybe Bali, the south of France. Yeah, that's great. Where do you want to go? We should check out Bollywood. Yeah. Where do you think Michael Caine wants to go? Where hasn't he gone? I don't know where Michael Caine has gone. Michael, well, he's, I mean, the guy's been all over the east end of London.

We know that. So you can't tape there. Get rid of that east end of London show. Too bad. Up and coming neighborhoods there. Up and coming neighborhoods. We could get Michael Caine in, well, Pittsburgh. You know where I would like to go?

I'd like to go to Louisville, Kentucky to check on the status of my kernel application. For what? How's that going? What is that? I've been, look, I'm not trying to brag, Rico. I know that we're peers in the world of public radio. Yeah. I guess just at the end of the day, it's just really cool that someone submitted my name to be a Kentucky colonel.

Oh. A Kentucky colonel recommended me to be a Kentucky colonel. Who's the Kentucky colonel? Is he sane? He's a lawyer. He seems nice. Okay. I think you might want to check into a few things about this gentleman.

I don't know. Do you think he may have submitted me for something else? Sophie's List? He's like, I submitted you for colonel. And next thing you know, Do you think he may have submitted me for something else? Sophie's list? He's like, I submitted you for Colonel. And next thing you know, you're in an ICP movie. Wait, does Sophie list anything? Or am I conflating someone's- I don't know.

Yeah, I don't- I know Angie's list is where you go to get a referral for- Right. Contractors. And then Sophie's choice is where they- You have to decide which child to kill. That's right. Which is the list of sex

offenders that's somebody's list oh yeah i yeah i i'm oh megan's law yeah megan's list megan's list megan's oh that's wrong uh yeah i don't so wait well you were telling me about this colonel dude so if and lula also just seems nice charlottesville is somewhere i'd like to visit i've spent a lot of time in the in don't pivot away from the colonel you're going to be a colonel so i need to know about what that means fingers crossed knock on wood let's say you're a colonel what does that mean for me are you going to get well i could potentially recommend you for colonelship that well i think mainly mainly what it means i think the main change it'll you know it'll have on your lifestyle is when you get angry, you are required to fire two six-guns up in the air.

That's what I'm hoping. And also if you can get me a small army. Can I get a small private army from you? Well, I will be in effect a member of a small private army because I will be sworn to defend the governor of Kentucky. And as a colonel, you're a pretty high-ranking member of that small army. So can't you tell like the privates? The only bad news is that all the other members of the army are also colonels. Oh, I see. It's a colonel army.

Yeah. Okay. So, well, that's fine. That seems like a lot of high-ranking. Because you've got to go through – I'm assuming once you get elevated to the rank of colonel, you'll have to go through some version of SEAL training. So you'll be able to like – you'll have, I mean, you'll be able to wield. I'm pretty sure they just give me a virgin mint julep and send me on my way. With a Bowie knife as a stir stick.

Oh, that's true. Like Rambo style. Yeah. So it's like basically it'll be a thousand of those guys. If you can lend them to me, I just have some actions that I want to undertake here. Oh, actions, eh? Actions. Perhaps in Bali?

Well, and thereabouts. I can't really let you know. I think we could make... How about this for an idea? Sure. We get Master P on the line. All right. Oh, what movies has Master P made, by the way?

About it, about it. Okay. For one. Stop right there. You've already named my favorite. Listen, we're going to take a quick break. Okay. When we come back, I will give you the filmography masterpiece.

That's okay. That'll be the rest of our show. We'll be back in a second on Jordan and Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, which I incorrectly identified as Bowdy Bowdy. Okay. That was the director's cut. You just wanted so much more of it that you named it twice. His second film, this is as director, but he wrote many of these films and directed them. I mean, this is as producer, but he wrote and directed many of these films. Is there a Master P-averse? Like, are all these connected?

I'd like to think that they are. Okay. It seems likely to me. So you got Da Game of Life. Da are. Okay. It seems likely to me. So you got Da Game of Life. Da Game of Life. You got I Got the Hookup,

which is probably the most significant film in his milieu after I'm Bout It. His oeuvre. You got Foolish, No Tomorrow,

Lockdown. Of course, 2004 is still Bout It. The sequel to Bout It. You'd think that the sequel would be Bout It, Bout It. Yeah, you got Repos, Decisions. Of course, you have the family comedy Uncle P. It's like Master P is like your uncle.

Where does one watch these? I feel like I haven't even seen these on Netflix. I do believe that there was a point where he was actually selling VHS tapes of these out of his car. Wow. I may be confusing him with- With the punk band from the early 80s? Yeah. It could be Green Day.

Could be Green Day. Rapper slash multimillionaire P. Miller, it's Percy Miller, becomes the guardian of his sister's three children, all of whom- Which is this movie? This movie is called Master P Makes a Movie Out of the Backstory of the Stand-Up Comedy of Bernie Mac. All of whom need a father figure in their lives. There's Internet Dating, which that one starred Cat Williams. That's the name of the movie, Internet Dating?

The Mailman. I want to know what's – yeah, Internet Dating is the name of the movie. I want to know what the Mailman is all about. It's like naming a movie plate of steak. He wrote that. Well the name of the movie. I want to know what the mailman is all about. It's like naming a movie plate of steak. He wrote that. Well, he wrote the story. Then Britt O. Wynn wrote the screen story. It was directed by David Gerringer.

This one, this one doesn't have a, oh, man, this one doesn't have a summary. The internet blows today. His most recent film was released in 2013. That's this year. What? It's called Uncle Willie's Family. Wow. So Uncle P, he jettisoned that character in favor of Uncle Willie.

Master P is a fucking impresario. Haven't you seen that dude's cribs? That dude has gold leaf ceilings. Really, though? Real gold. But once you get on cribs, you kind of have to have a gold leaf ceiling or something of similar value. It feels like that's why you're on Cribs in the first place. Yeah.

I'm saying it doesn't surprise me. No one has ever had a more extravagant home than Master P on Cribs. Something I've heard about Cribs is that sometimes it isn't the guy's house, but they'll just find a random mansion for the guy to tour around. You are upending my world. Has anybody else heard that? I have not heard that. I'm not surprised. I will say that there's really only a couple of good cribs that I can remember that really stick out for me.

One is the one where Master P has gold ceilings with real gold. And also Bow Wow has his own house and he has a Power Wheels Bentley. So there's that. The other one is the one where Snoop Doggy Dogg is at his house and then Boyz II Men and Jodeci come over to play basketball. Because that's what happens. Yeah. I remember that for two reasons. One, because it happened and two because one time i was hiking in malibu and i was like oh shit there goes the

basketball court where jodeci and uh i think it was jodeci and and boyce and man if i'm remembering correctly you just happened upon that uh it was that scenario it was r&b groups of the early 1990s that he's that he's as he would like to say, cousins with. This reminds me of the video. Do you know the song The Wrong Girl by, oh man, hold on a second, edit this part. It's Usher. We don't edit this program. You're thinking of your show.

Yeah. You're thinking of a real show. This show is kind of like a Master P movie of podcasts. I just let you in on something. It turns out that I'm actually really stupid and I just like look on the internet a bunch of times and edit that out when we do it. It's just one long take. It's Usher and who did In the Closet? R. Kelly.

R. Kelly. R. Kelly and Usher. Trapped in the Closet. Trapped in the Closet. R. Kelly and Usher did a song together? Yes. It is called The Same Girl. Oh, yes. Yeah. Andpped in the closet. R. Kelly and Usher did a song together? Yes. It is called The Same Girl. Oh, I remember.

Yes. Yeah. And it is the video for it. Have you seen the video of it? No. It's a very similar thing because it's like these two guys. We are led to believe in the video that Usher and R. Kelly, they'll have conversations on the phone about each other's girlfriend. have conversations on the phone about each other's girlfriend.

And if they were to discover that they were dating the same woman, he might have to immediately fly him on his private jet over where they can discuss this while playing basketball in their gigantic private basketball court and then drive around in their Hummers for a while singing. Sure. So you're saying that in Cribs, though, I wanted to believe that that was a fiction. But you're saying, according to Cribs, this happens, that they'll just come over. They'll just come over. Okay.

Absolutely. And fucking like Superfly or whatever is hanging out there. And Nate Dogg. Marginal member Daz Dillinger is there. Snoopy's angels are there. Sounds like a big place. Willie Nelson. Does Willie Nelson stop by? Yes. There's one other. I like that Snoop Dogg and Willie Nelson are there. Sounds like a big place. Willie Nelson? Does Willie Nelson stop by?

Yes. There's one other. I like that Snoop Dogg and Willie Nelson are friends. Yeah, because they're the most genial people in the world. Sure. Except Snoop's a little murdery. Right. He may have murdered.

Yeah. So then there's one other really good Cribs, which if I'm remembering correctly, is Red Man's. which if I'm remembering correctly is Red Man's. It might have been Method Man's, but I think it was Red Man's Cribs. And it's just his shitty apartment in Long Island. It's just fucking dirty. There's like a mattress on the floor. I remember an anti-Cribs, and this will really date stamp it.

It's from the band Alien Ant Farm. Oh, man. Famous for their new metal cover of a Michael Jackson song. Yeah. Criminal, I think. I think it was Criminal. Yeah. You know, and that was at the zenith of that. Right.

And he did a – it was like about their bass player or something. And he did a tour of his mom's house where he lived in like the worst part of San Diego. But at the end, all his friends come over for a barbecue. That's great. I thought that was great. Those are the good old days of MTV. What do they do now on MTV? Isn't it sad that those are the good –

Yep. Those are the good – how can you imagine a world in which MTV could get stupider than Pimp My Ride and Cribs? Right? Like how could something get more – I feel like we've doubled up on nostalgia because when that was happening, people were going, remember when MTV showed videos? And now we're like, remember when the shows were kind of music related? And only sucked all the way instead of all the way and passed all the way into super sucking? Yeah, yeah. They didn't slip into evil.

Yeah. From shitty into evil. Is that what's happening now? Like, so you're still watching it? No, but I've, you know, i've seen the people from jersey shore on tell on talk shows so i think i've got all the information i need to render a decision so here's the thing this is old news but it's new to me you know how on jersey shore they went to maybe you don't know this on jersey shore there was a point of time a long period of their show

where they went to uh florence italy yeah there was, there was a whole season of that show. Yeah, and the tires. Why do I know so much about this show that I've literally never seen a second of? Precisely. I had only heard of this. The only part of Jersey Shore I've seen is the part where Snooki, whose name I know,

punches someone. That's it. I saw that in the clip. She is punched. Did she get punched? I know the famous thing was her getting punched, but I'm sure in the history of that show she has punched someone. I thought she punched someone. That's okay. Everybody got punched in some way. Yeah, no. Did she get punched? Oh, I know the famous thing was her getting punched. But I'm sure in the history of that show, she has punched someone. I thought she punched someone. That's OK. Everybody got punched. Yeah, sure. That's going to be cool. So they all go to they go to Florence and they have to be the only people who have ever gone to Florence and spent the majority of their time wishing they were back in New Jersey. of their time wishing they were back in New Jersey.

They spent the entire, they were there for months and months. And the end of it, by the way, the reason I know this is I went, I was in a hotel room and I started watching whatever was on TV late at night. And they had like a whole series of those things. They played the entire season of that movie. You didn't have the money for the pay-per-view and you needed something to jack off. I needed it. Absolutely freaking needed it. And it was-

You like, and you like them swarthy. I like them Jersey. And it was – You like them swarthy. I like them Jersey. And it was – but it's astonishing. The ending of that season, they're like – it's their last day. They can't wait to get back to Jersey. So you binge-watched this. It was crazy. Like hours and hours of Jersey Shore.

It was kind of like the kid who doesn't do any drugs at all during high school. Oh, yeah. First day of college. And it's heroin time. That was me with the jersey sure and it was it their last day in in florence italy i'm talking about they're like oh all we did was go to clubs for the last x number of months we should go and do some sightseeing let's go let's go see the david right this is what anybody else does the moment you arrive in florence it's like i'm still jet

lagged and i would really like some pasta but we have to go stand in a line for five hours and see the david they did they waited for like three months and and we're kind of like maybe maybe this would be something good to do i think some of them don't even make it i think some of them decide that they're bored would you say that these people on the television show jersey shore would you say that they're classy? They seem like classy types to you? It's because it sounds like you're impugning their level of class. I'm not saying anything about their class. My impression of them was that they were real Vienna ball season types.

You know, white gloves the whole nine yards. It's true. Those guys ball danced like nobody's business. They seem like real PBS viewers. They're Strauss fans is what I'm saying. They seem like if you gave them,

if you said, you've got a month to do whatever you like, they'd say, hey, can we get some Proust in here? It was the hardest

thing about watching. We split our time between cotillions and regattas. The hardest thing about watching the show was the endless, you know, analysis of Beethoven.

It was too much after a while. It was like, you know, I understand that you really enjoy waltzes. But let's hear about a minuet every now and then. Yeah, for crying out loud. Can we get into Baroque or something? Yeah, and you know what? Once in a while, I like to get drunk and foxtrot. Yeah, yeah.

Call me crazy. I didn't think you were going to add trot to that. I pulled the foxtrot plunger on the organ. Do you guys want to hear the rest of that pig insemination thing? I do. So I guess – so there's this pig insemination plant that has a high success rate. The pigs are inseminated when they need to be. And they go to great lengths to make sure the female pigs are aroused while they're being inseminated.

Like it's not just – they don't just shove it in. Right. Because that helps create a welcoming environment inside of the pig's parts. Yeah, and that's kind of a big thrust of the thing. It's like, well, there's no, you know, science. The big thrust of the thing is the big thrust. This is the big thrust of the pig insemination. But the secondary element is.

You know, it's like, oh, you know, science is kind of hazy on whether or not this actually helps, but they believe in it. Like, they are firm believers in arouse the female pig. And one of the methods – It's a faith for them you're saying. Yeah, right. It's just – Kind of religion. Sure.

It's like just a folksy wisdom. A calling if you will. All right. And one of the techniques is a robotic pig on wheels, not unlike chompers from a few years ago. And they drive it around in front of the pen while it is emitting a pig pheromone gas. Do you remember a little while ago where you asked if we wanted to hear more about this? I'm realizing that I should have said that. I'm realizing I shouldn't have ever diverged from this.

Yeah. I'm realizing I shouldn't have ever diverged from this This should be a show where we call Probably the show that I would like to host most Is a show where you and I, Jordan Because you're one of my best friends And we've been working together for a long time Sorry Rico, you're out That fucking sucks

We call Mary Roach on the phone And we just say, can you tell us a fucking story? And she says, yes, something, something, cosmonauts were fucking. Something, something, this is how you, you know, elephants fuck. If you do a show from the insemination place, by the way, I will bet you that Michael Caine will come on your show. That's true. I've heard he's just dying to go. Yeah.

They were going to film Miss Congeniality 3 there, but funding fell through. Sandy got busy. He would have been in. So the robot essentially farts sex juices. Yes. And then the lady robot. No, there's no. The male pig is lady robot. No, there's no. The male pig is the robot.

Wait, then where do the robot pigs come from if they don't have parents joining? Oh, the cabbage patch. The stork brings them to the cabbage patch. Gotcha. Geez. Yeah. Well, now let's not get into the preemies. We know more about this now than almost anyone in America, by the way. The what? We know more about this now than almost anyone in America, by the way.

The what? We now know more about this than almost anyone in America, by the way. Know more about what? About pig insemination. I think this is a popular book. I think. Really? Yeah, yeah.

This is a very top-selling book. Oh, my God. Mary Roach is, I'm shocked that you've never had Mary Roach on the dinner party. That's like the dinner party guest of all time. Really? It looks like she's going to be on the show. Because she's fucking full of delightful anecdotes. fuck she is like we should get her she is an ocean of delightful anecdotes she's one of the nicest ladies you could ever hope to meet jesse what

the fuck is wrong with me i don't know you're really dropping the ball on mary roach i'll give you her email address the uh the copy of bonk that i got from my local library uh the pages were stained beyond belief. It was apparent like – it really seemed like someone had been jacking off on this book. Sure. It's like the joy of sex. Right. Yeah, yeah.

Exactly. Do you remember by the way – I don't know if you – well, I think you're a little younger than me. But there was a point – I think even in the 80s, like in the late 70s, early 80s, if you were staying over – if your parents took you with them, you were staying over at a friend's house or something like that. We should clarify. You're early 60s? I'm about 90, between 90 and 60.

Gotcha. Between 90 and 60. There you are. If you were, you know, whenever, the kid would always be put up in like the den where the books were, you know, of the family you were staying in. By put up, you mean like preserves? Yeah, kind of. You would be in there sleeping and you'd be left alone to your own devices.

You'd do anything you wanted in that dump truck. Yeah, that's right. I'm a particularly curious child at the age of, say, 12 or something about sexuality. I learned that at the time anyway, almost any of those dens with books in them... All parents friends with dens had Joy of Sex. Had Joy of Sex. I've never seen Joy of Sex. Yeah, I've never had either.

I guess I only know it as a pull. I mean, I know the comedy idea of it is it's a lot of hippies with hairy bushes and penises. Drawings of hippies. Oh, it's not actual photographs? I think there might have been a later version or maybe some edition of it that had photographs. There you go. But the one that I saw, it's like kind of very realistic.

You know, I like that later edition. They got photographs from legendary sports photographer Walter Ios. Those are great. They're really good. And it's all Don Mattingly. That's the other good thing about it. Wow. A lot of flash drives.

Fucking himself. Yeah. It's, you know, they use that same technique how Victorians used to insert fairies into photos. They used it to make Don Mattingly look like he's fucking himself. Yeah, sure. And there's also, you know, speaking of Don Mattingly, have you seen that book where they put Don Mattingly in all the different outfits, so he looks like he's like a sea captain or whatever. I have not seen this. It's a Bill Wegman book.

His Weimaraners died, and he just hired Don Mattingly. Okay. Is that true? Yeah, it's a really good book. It is a really excellent. It sounds like a good book. I checked it out of the library. Covered in semen stains.

Covered in stains. Covered in semen stains. Oh, God, it's not usable. Can we get Rappaport in here? Yeah, Rappaport in here yeah Rappaport we'll be back in just a second

on Jordan Jesse Go love you love you love you love you love you love you love you

love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you

love you love you love you love you love you love you it's Jordan Jesse Co I'm Jesse you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, We'll plug your show at the end of the show. We already plugged it once. What show? Oh, the dinner party. The one I host? Yeah, the dinner party download. That's what it used to be.

The dinner party download. Yeah, well, I miss plugging it from here on out because you've all hyper-plugged it. You know that we still call it dinner party download. Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss. Let's take some fucking phone calls. Oh, but before we play of the first call, I want to say this, Jordan. Number one, we had a great time while you were gone last week, probably because you weren't there. I really bring down a room.

But, you know, I know that you've been – you wrote that great pilot presentation called Freelance Beatdown that people should check out on YouTube. I had a blast watching it. I think your next project should be something that me and Nick and Kurt Braunohler would like to pitch you. It's a sitcom. It's called Pelican and Eagle. It's based on a listener who called in last week and he saw a pelican and an eagle that looked like they were probably friends. It's a sort of modern day odd couple type situation. Who's the messy one?

It's Pelican. Okay. Pelican keeps beers and ice in his maw. Okay. What's that called? Beak. Yeah. In the flaps under his beak.

Sure. His bird's jowls. He can just open it up and then there's bruise in there on ice. Oh, wow. So whenever his buds come over... So he's just fucking wasted 24-7. Dude, he is. Too drunk to dive.

Always has a fresh buzz. Too drunk to dive? I'm not really doing anything on spec these days. There's money in this. Oh, really? I think we can sell this. Okay. I'm privileged to be here. Well, no, it's just, I think this is-

Do you want me to get Animal Planet on the phone right now? Would you please? This can be their second comedy show after that one that Andy Kindler hosted. Oh, I didn't know he hosted a- He hosted a talk show on Animal Planet. Called? I don't remember, but isn't that the best? One of the guests.

Was it just Jack? It ran for like two or three years. Was it Jack Hanna, like just the guest every day? Yeah. Did he interview animals? I think it was celebrities came on with their pets maybe. Oh, man. Hmm.

That does sound pretty good. Why would you hire Andy Kindler? Besides the fact that he's one of the funniest people in the world. Yeah. Why would you hire Andy Kindler to host that show? Is it just because you like how he looks uncomfortable? Maybe Andy's an animal lover, actually. Maybe he could volunteer.

I don't know anything about his pet life. All I know is he's as funny as it gets. Nobody's funnier than Kindler. Can we get Rappaport in here? Let's listen to our first call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse Goh, and possible guests. I'm calling in with a moment of shame. For the first time, 27 years old, and for the first time ever,

I am broken down on the side of the highway. Well, it happened at 10 after five and it is about quarter after six and I'm still waiting for my tow truck. Uh, so yeah, never been broken down before. Not a lot of fun. And my phone is starting to die. So I figured I'd call in and, uh, at least do one last cool thing before the rest of my day is ruined. So I hope the show is great. Long time listener. Thanks, guys. Wow.

You know what? Should we be giving him advice about what to do now? Here's the thing. On the one hand, technically speaking, your car breaking down on the side of the road is not that momentous of an occasion. It's not very shameful. Even if you talk like a nerd wearing a monocle. However, that having been said, the fact that he called in with his last cell phone batteries, well-stranded, fucking 10 stars.

Yeah, super fan. Not shameful. In fact, the opposite. This is a moment of shame. This is a, the opposite. This is a moment of shame. This is a moment of glory. This is a moment of glory. It's a moment of realizing that you have your priorities straight. It would be a moment of shame if you realized that you put windshield wiper fluid in your gas tank.

Yeah, you didn't do that. You know what you didn't do? That. You know what you did do? Call. And I really appreciated the fact that he knew it. It wasn't just like, oh, crap, I'm running out of batteries right now. Yeah.

It's like I'm making the decision. Yeah. I just personally like feeling that I am at the top of someone's priority list. That's right, and that he has you on speed dial, too, apparently. Right. Here's the thing. Here's the thing about this guy. What I like about this guy is that he's got sense.

This is the first time he's ever broken down on the side of the road. He knows. You make a call. It's like fucking who wants to be a millionaire? You make one call. And the other thing is, like the Boy Scouts say, always be prepared. And there's no doubt this guy was an Eagle Scout. Always be prepared.

He had the fucking phone number programmed into his phone. [phone]FUN. That's what we ask people to do. Yeah. When something momentous happens to you, you can't go back to the tape and look up the fucking phone number, put it in now. 206-984-4FUN. An ounce of prevention. That's right.

Beats a pound of cure. Sure. He could have used the last bit of battery on his cell phone to listen to the podcast to get the phone number. Yeah. Did not have to. Could use that to call. You don't know exactly what the fuck we're talking about, Rico Galeano. That's why you're a public radio celebrity.

Yeah, fuck yeah. And by the way, I'm a little jealous because I don't think anybody would call my show. Well, you don't take calls. I mean, that's one of the problems. That's probably the primary reason. Maybe we should start taking calls. I mean, that's one of the problems. That's probably the primary reason. Maybe we should start taking calls. I want to get calls like that from people. I think if you guys started taking calls in a few – and I don't encourage you to because that's our thing.

I would just say – If you were – On my next show, my name is now Jordan. Brendan's named Jesse. Yeah. I'd just say, number one, first of all, you shouldn't start taking calls. We sort of invented radio shows taking calls. Yeah.

It's kind of our deal. But go ahead. Sure. Michael Savage will say that he invented it, but he copied us. Yeah. According to him, he also invented doors. Sure. I think if you did start taking calls in a few months, as much as I hate to admit this, I think people would probably be having to decide who they called with their last bit of cell phone battery.

Which show? Yeah. Rico or JJ Go. Rico or JJ Go. We could have a Tumblr where we just keep track, you know. Yeah. Tally it up. And then whoever's the winner.

Fuck yeah. Call in tallies.tumblr.com. That's exactly it. It would just sort of sound... I imagine it sounding something like this. I've been in this jungle for 14 days. That crocodile looks very hungry. Here's a joke I heard.

That's someone calling into your show. The best part about it, too, is that he knows that it's not going to be... No, you only have celebrities tell jokes. Oh, that's true. That's why. Here's something about me that you wouldn't guess. I've never had sushi.

And with that, I die. But that was amazing. Your fans are super fans. Let's take another call. Let's take another call. Let's see what other momentous things. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. This is Allie from the Midwest. I want you boys to know that I'm halfway through my senior year of college.

Last semester, I made the dean's list. I may have landed a badass internship. I have zero debt. And I just found my new favorite cheese. Immortal Power. Plug it in. Fuck you. This is a girl. That's what I say. Remember at the beginning of the show when I said fuck your audience?

I was speaking specifically. Oh, wow. You know what? Number one, I'm glad, I mean, this is, I'm embarrassed to say this in front of Regal, so I don't want him to feel inadequate. You can say anything. But I'm glad that foxy college chicks still love our show.

Sure. You know what I mean? That's number one. Yeah. That's true. That's rare. She's from the Midwest. I like to imagine she's a little thick.

Number two. Yeah. Like R. Crumb style is what you're thinking. Right. Not dense because she obviously graduated from college. So she knows what's what. Hell yeah. Just saying, you know.

Like our crumb style, like full on Amazonian. Yeah. I thought you meant thick like thighs, you know. That's what I meant. He means like a little something, something. Sure. Yeah. You know, something to work with.

Okay. So I'm a married man. Yes, you are. That's number one. That's number one. Number two, I think it's a really good goal to have in your life to figure out what your favorite cheese is. Mine is Asiago. Always has been.

I mean, look, will I decline the opportunities to consume a St. Andre? No. It's a delicious cheese. No, I've seen you. Did I go to a special store to buy my mom a special cheese that came from a special farm in France? Did you? Where they don't have electricity?

That's a good question. Yeah, I fucking did. I went over there, I bought that shit. It was $24 a pound. I bought some for my mom for Christmas. She wanted it.

You love the fuck out of her. She saw it in Saviour. The job that I had... Favorite cheese, Jordan. Shredded Mexican blend. He's from Orange County. Rico? Oh, man.

This English cheese that actually has like maple in it. Maple? Yeah. Oh, fuck you. Fuck you. Let's hear your cheese story like this chick uh the job that i was i've probably uh been the worst at and i've been bad at a lot of jobs uh so this is an accomplishment was uh i worked for a couple months uh and let's be clear you are

worse at this job than you were being a production assistant on a Thai game show. Was it Thai? It was Vietnamese. Vietnamese. Yes. Vietnamese game show. I was pretty good at it. I had that down by the time I was the PA on the Vietnamese game show.

You, to be clear, though, you don't speak Vietnamese, but luckily you both spoke French. Right. Exactly. I want to see. Are there tapes of that? Oh, God. I don't know. Oh, you know, French. Right, exactly. I want to see. Are there tapes of that? Oh, God. I don't know. Oh, you know, it was a variety show.

Did we say it was a game show? Yeah, it was a game show. It was a variety show. Okay. That's still awesome. And so I worked as the barista at the coffee counter at this cheese shop that also had a coffee counter. Whoa, that doesn't sound good. at the coffee counter at this cheese shop that also had a coffee counter. Whoa, that doesn't sound good.

And they wanted us to be knowledgeable of the cheeses. So at the end of the day, the owner would, you know, before we locked up, would take us aside and he'd give us a little taste of the new cheeses. Nice. And the most weird, decadent one that I remember was one that had a skin made of volcanic ash. Oh, yeah. And had been buried in a cave. They called it cave-aged Gruyere. Yeah.

Like that – like is that a weird plus that I don't know about? Like why does it being in a cave matter? I don't know. It's a moisture thing. But I will say that I've had cave-aged Gruyere, and it is... Did you find it delicious? I do not remember the cheese. It is delicious. I should have said that instead of the other thing. Oh, yeah.

Can you really taste the cave? It's a taste of old cave with every bite. It has little crystals in it, and I'm not sure if that's from the cave aging or if there's many, many cheeses that have crystals in it. Or if you just spilled your Pop Rocks. Now, Pop Rocks cheese.

Holy shit. We're going to make fucking tons of money, you guys. Pop Rocks cheese. I bought some chocolate cheese for my wife at Trader Joe's the other day. Wait, what kind of cheese? Chocolate. Chocolate cheese. What's that?

Wait, what the fuck? It's a chocolate inside of cheese. What? Cheese and chocolate go together. You worked at a cheese shop. You should know that. What's that? Wait, what the fuck? It's a chocolate inside of cheese. What? What? Cheese and chocolate go together. You worked at a cheese shop. You should know that. But I didn't know they made them and there was one thing.

Yeah. You get it at Trader Joe's, my friend. Choco cheese. It's a one in a long. This is what happens when I go to Trader Joe's. Cheez-a-lit. Do they call it Cheez-a-lit? I shop at. No, they don't.

Why? It seems like a missed opportunity. I agree. Thanks. Sounds too much like chick lit. They actually – You wouldn't want someone to confuse it for a Bridget Jones book I think is the problem. Yes.

The main – the issue is that they switch the first sound of each word and then they just call it Cheez-A-Lit. That's the problem. I end up at Trader Joe's. I will buy any fucking thing at Trader Joe's that I am not allowed to eat, which is chocolate things. And there are so many chocolate things at Trader Joe's. Yeah. I feel like they're going pretty nuts with the... Oh, I saw chocolate potato chips recently

at Trader Joe's. I'd love to eat that. They also got that cookie butter. It doesn't have chocolate in it. Do you know what? Wait, cookie butter? Yeah. Speculus is what it was originally called.

They call it cookie butter. Speculus? Yeah, I know, right? Not a good name. That's something for a genital exam. It is exactly my first thought. That's an excretion. That's something that oozes from a pustule.

Are you done with your joking? Are you done with your laughing up? Let's get serious. Let's get serious about this butter. Because here's what's going to happen. Whenever you eat the cookie butter, you are going to regret that you made fun of it. You know, I have had a taste of- Because you are going to marry it.

I have had a taste of the cookie butter, and I can say that it's a bandwagon that I am not on. Why the F would you say that to me right now? I guess how I would – What is it? It's just like a spread. It's kind of like a Nutella. It's like a dessert spread. But it's made of crushed cookies, Belgian cookies.

The kind that you get on airplanes sometimes, they're kind of toffee-ish a little bit. It's a little – it tastes like spreadable gingerbread, which is not my favorite dessert flavor. So I, you know, people are nuts for it, but I'm not. Jordan, I can't eat chocolate. So I'll go to the Trader Joe's. I'll buy chocolate covered any fucking thing so I can watch my wife eat it. Oh, man. It's like a paralyzed man that can't have sex.

It's like the David Cross thing where he wants to eat pork for Orthodox Jews. Have you heard about this thing? He wants to... Oh my god, this is so delicious. I wish you could have some. That's you with your wife and chocolate. That's me with my wife and chocolate. I'll buy any new chocolate-covered what-the-fuck-ever. Chocolate-covered Bumblebee.

And you haven't had the potato chips yet? No, because I can't eat chocolate, Jordan! Or she has not had the potato chips yet. I bought her the potato chips. Okay. I bought her the potato chips. This time around, it was chocolate-covered, dark chocolate-covered cherries and chocolate some other thing that was weirder than chocolate-covered cherries.

I think that this is one of the—I think this is like an actual psychological perversion. Isn't this a gainer-feeder relationship? Isn't that what that's called? Gainer—I like that. I think that's what it's called. It sounds like something that would come from a study. Female pigs? Yeah.

That would not be a surprise, would it? What is a gainer-feeder? I think that it is like when you get sexually turned on by like feeding people until they get fat. I get gastrically turned on. It really gets my juices flowing in the old belly. No. And then I can try and trick myself into thinking that peanut butter ice cream is as good as chocolate ice cream. There you are.

Is that what you – that's what you – Peanut butter is all there is. At the end of the day, if you can't have chocolate, look, vanilla ice cream is fine. I don't have – vanilla ice cream is nice. It's nice. But it's obviously not as good as chocolate ice cream and it's not as good as vanilla ice cream with some kind of chocolate shit in it

and so all that's left every kind of ice cream that has shit in it one of the things is chocolate except for this one kind of Ben and Jerry's ice cream called that's called bad taste it used to be called what the fluff and then it changed to what a cluster It's the kind of Ben & Jerry's ice cream that's called – Bad taste.

It used to be called What the Fluff, and then it changed to What a Cluster. Now it's just called What the Fuck. And it's like peanut butter and marshmallow and peanut brittle or something. And there's a peanut brittle Ben & Jerry's too. Do you like that? No, not that much. I like the Cluster Fluff one pretty good. But it's not as good as chocolate. I mean, but I No, not that much. I like the cluster fluff one pretty good. But it's not as good as chocolate. I mean, but

I can't eat that much chocolate. I'll get an headache. I'll get a migraine. I'm talking cookie butter. You're going to be fine. I'm going to try out this cookie butter. I'm glad that I was here today because I can give this to you. This is my gift to you. Don't listen to your friend. Thank you. I know a lot of I'm not saying people are wrong who like cookie butter. I'm just saying that I don't think

it's not the universal home run that people will say. All right. You know what, Jordan? My fucking horizons are narrow. If it's a B, a B is an A++ for me when it comes to tasty treats. See? Because at the end of the day, I can't. And the problem is I don't really care about candy.

It's not like I don't like candy. Candy's good, but it doesn't. And the problem is I don't really care about candy. Like, it's not like I don't like candy. Candy's good, but it doesn't. I like a fatty sweet. You're a savory. I like a fatty sweet. I don't want just sugar. Yeah. Sounds like your life sucks.

So that means what I want is ice cream, and all the good ice creams have chocolate in it. Let's take the next call. Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse. Hey, any guests or possible co-hosts? And, of course, hey, Sunny D. All right. What up, Sunny D?

Actually, I have two of them, but I'll get to them real quick. First one is I had a real Betty and Veronica situation going on, and I finally was able to commit to the girl who is awesome and nice and amazing. You know, my friends like her and isn't mean to me. She has a looser pussy. I'm feeling really good about it. And the other one is I live in a very cold area. And yesterday the lock on my car all froze up, so I had to climb in through the trunk

of my car. Can't be hard started. And I slipped and smashed my face into the steering wheel, setting off the horn, making it the only time I've ever laughed so hard while my nose was bleeding. So thanks, guys. Bye. See, this guy knows what – Yeah. This guy knows how to car-e, car-e pussy tightness.

Yeah, exactly. I think that the – here's the tradeoff I think you're going with. W slash R slash T. Sure. This is a lot different than public radio, by the way. It's a lot different kind of vibe. I was negotiating – This is actually broadcast on Pacifica Radio.

Oh, shit. I was negotiating a distribution agreement for my public radio program with a new distributor that I still can't say the name of, but hopefully next week. with a new distributor that I still can't say the name of, but hopefully next week. And they gave me a copy of their ethics policy and their language policy. And I was like, can I ask that we just take my show, Jordan, Jesse, Go, as prior art or something? Like a thing that already exists and will continue to be as such.

Yeah. Because you should know it violates all of these rules. It is real racist. There's a lot of hate speech. It's bigoted. It's bigoted. Oh, yeah. I wonder.

Yeah, I guess. I've been accused of being racist on this program. To be fair, we've both been kind of racist on the show from time to time. In a fun way. Not only against Native Americans and their fucking fry bread. Yeah, I know. Try a PETA running horse. I cannot participate in this conversation.

Like, literally, I can't do it. Doesn't that suck? The pig insemination thing. I can talk about gainer feeders all you want. Like, literally, I can't do it. Doesn't that suck? The pig insemination thing. Yeah. I can talk about gainer feeders all you want. Okay, great. We'll go back. Oh, pussies.

So Betty's- Can you please get back to the serious- Betty's pussy, I bet, is tighter. Right. But Veronica is better in the sack. Right. Like, she's more confident, does more stuff. She really puts her all into it.

Sure. Yeah. Sees it as a performance. But, you know, as far as putting tightness. There's nothing like a Betty and Veronica situation. Jughead's butthole. Let me move on. I love that band.

To Jughead's butthole. Yeah. Great San Diego skate punk band. They're awesome. Jughead's butthole yeah great uh great san diego skate punk band jughead's butthole nitro records right nitro records they really are but you know what you're hoping for bad religion sure this guy knows that one of the key elements of immoral power is true love mortal power immortal power i used oh i thought you said immoral power. No, immortal. Okay, excuse me. Immortal power. Okay. Our slogan for 2013 is true love.

But we're still keeping our morality intact, right? He knows which way to go. Mortality. Look, I'm not going to lie to you. I was in a Betty and Veronica situation once. You know who I chose? My wife. Oh.

Twelve years later, we're married. We have a child. That started as a not classy conversation, but it ended up pretty nice. Yeah. Thanks, man. As a... Immortal power. And now I'll never die.

Uh-oh. Fuck yeah. But hey, maybe we should move on to the part where he climbs in through the back of the car. That's great. Oh, yeah, sure. How did he get... His doors were frozen shut? That's what he said. And so he climbed in through the back of the car. That's great. Oh yeah, sure. His doors were frozen shut? That's what he said. And so

he climbed in through the trunk. Fucking cold places are the worst. Which also means dude is thin, he's fit. Yeah. So that's excellent. Do you ever find yourself thinking, Rico, you're from Pittsburgh, you live here in sunny Southern California. Yeah, yeah. I want to know if this is just something that Californians think or if it's just

or if it's a general case. All right. When you hear about somebody that lives in a place that's really cold like Detroit. Or Pittsburgh. Like I went to Detroit. Detroit is a beautiful city. It is. It's very affordable.

But I was there and irrespective of the murders or the you know economic devastation or whatever yeah i sort of feel the same way about chicago which uh it does it has its fair share of murders but is a spectacular city with a vibrant economy vibrant art scene like everything you would want in a city is in chicago different than detroit a little but when i'm there i think fuck it's cold do these people know that there's places that aren't cold? Yeah. They have these things called families which suck, first of all, I got to tell you. Right.

That's the thing. So let me clarify because I'm glad you brought that up. There you are. I do make an exception for anyone who was born and raised in that place. So you're mainly yelling at wandering rodents. Yeah. Why would you wander to Detroit? No, like a samurai.

People move. What I'm upset with is people who move to Chicago when they could move to another place that's like Chicago, that has the advantages of Chicago, but isn't that fucking cold. Okay. Maybe it's because- Like Seattle. You're going to work- Oh, I think the cold doesn't bother people that much. Some people are not that bothered by cold, it would seem.

Now, first of all, I think you're correct. How did you know that, having grown up in California? I've heard tales. It's so cold. You're wise. I met a wandering Ronin. It's so cold. You're wise beyond your state.

It's so cold in Minneapolis, another beautiful city, a really lovely place, Minneapolis and St. Paul, both lovely cities. Can't quite decide what they are. It's so fucking cold there that they built a network of sky bridges that covers their entire downtown so they wouldn't have to go outdoors. Because the first day that it doesn't feel like that is like having an orgasm all day long. That's why. Yeah, I guess you really do like appreciate that first nice day. You appreciate the night. It is.

I was appreciating the shit out of the fact that it was 75 after it was in the mid-50s all week. And I'm also being a little facetious because I got the fuck out of Pittsburgh. That's what I'm talking about. Get yourself a plane ticket. Let's do this. You know, you don't even... Look. Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought you were calling up another phone call. Move to Washington, D.C. You don't even have to move to somewhere where there's no winter. I just... I want you to move to somewhere where there's no nightmare winter. Washington, D.C. doesn't have nightmare winters? No, Washington, D.C. is very cold. It snows a little bit.

They have blizzards, like, up the ass last year. They, like... Well, dude, D.C. doesn't have nightmare winters? No, Washington, D.C. is very cold. It snows a little bit. They have blizzards like up the ass last year. They like it. Well, look. I'm not here to deal with the problem of global warming. No, no. I'm saying move to a mild. It's a lot. The winter is a lot milder in Washington, D.C. or Atlanta or Dallas or something.

Than Minneapolis. Places where there are winters than it is in fucking Minneapolis. That is true. Although I do think at a certain point it becomes a matter of degree. In Pittsburgh, PA, which is not as bad as Minneapolis,

I remember a several week stretch where it was like negative. This is one of those things that I may have just made up in my head because it felt like it. But I feel like it was like two solid weeks of negative 20 degrees. In Minneapolis, you have to hire a man who comes to your house.

And I know this because my soon-to-be former public radio distributor is based in Minneapolis. I've had many conversations with the wonderful people of Minneapolis. Well, until they turned on me. But in Minneapolis, you have to hire a man who comes to your house to unfreeze your roof so it doesn't collapse. He goes up there with a hair dryer or something. I don't know. To melt your roof so it doesn't collapse and murder your children with ice spikes. I would also like to know how often that like they overdo it and set the roof on fire in

the middle of winter after having gotten all the- There's a moderate difference culturally between Minneapolis and another more southerly city in the United States, like St. Louis or something like that, right? Like there's a difference, definitely. You know, you got more northern Europeans in Minneapolis because they were already used to nightmare. Like it seemed balmy to them.

Norwegians, this is like the beach. But here's the thing. The real truth of the matter is the differences between these cities are not that huge compared to the relief that you would feel from not having to be concerned about death four months out of the year due to exposure from waiting for the bus. But consider, listen, you're a radio host. Millions and millions of people listen to you. So you have to consider the ramifications of your words here. If everybody takes your advice – Hold on. Point of information.

Tens of millions of people listen to you. Tens of millions. I don't. Imagine all the tens of millions of people living in Chicago who hear your voice, take your advice. All of them move to Los Angeles, California. All of a sudden this studio is, California. All of a sudden, this studio is renting for $4 million a day.

Sure, it'll be kind of like the Gangs of New York era. It'll be the natives, which are us, versus the lovely, thick Midwestern women. And the sad part is, who's going to win?

Those guys will win. have to fend them off. Those guys will win. They're descended from Vikings. I say they move to San Diego because San Diego could use some of their Midwestern values. Oh. I see. So you're going to redistribute. These are good people.

Okay. So you're going to save their – this is actually – I think it seems like you're suggesting a kind of trail of tears. You want to relocate them. It's a modern trail of tears. 40% will die along the way. A trail of tears of attractive women with an extra five or ten pounds on their frame? Yeah.

I wouldn't say extra, but sure. I disagree. I think there's a humanist impulse behind what you're saying. You want to save their lives. It'll be a trail of beers. I want to make their lives better. You want to save their lives. It'll be a trail of beers. I want to make their lives better. I want to improve their lives. Jordan.

Jordan. Jordan. What? Oh, no. I just said trail of beers because they're from the Midwest. No. Stop chanting. Do you see what I'm saying?

Because Chicago, to give the example of Chicago, it is in many ways a perfect city. That fetching dog thing was pretty funny too. Oh, stop it. Oh my God. Where did those people come from? It's beautiful. There's vibrant cultural scene. There's really good sausages. Yeah. You know, there's- We could use some of those sausages. Dude, if we had half of the quality processed meats in Los Angeles that you could get in –

people tell you you can get any kind of food in Los Angeles. You can't get a high quality processed meat. No, no, no. Like you can in the upper Midwest. No, absolutely. But bring the sausages with you. Exactly. So bring your sausage technology.

But I just don't think you're thinking it through, Jesse. I think that what we gain in sausage, we lose in innocence. There's no time to think it's too cold. All right. Okay. My nose hurts. I don't understand why you're mad at them. I'm not mad at them.

He's mad with them. I'm trying to help them. They probably just like it there. Just set it up in Fresno. I can tell you that they don't like it when it's snowing. Oh, sure. As a Pittsburgher, they don't like it. When it's cold, they bitch about it all the time.

Yeah, they're not fools. These are smart people, Jordan. Don't underestimate them just because they have fuller frames that you're attracted to. That's true. And are a little drunker more of the time. A little drunker. They got to be. It's all they have.

I guess you – It's too cold. It's the only way to protect themselves. Keeps them warm. When clothes are not enough. I do. Yeah, it seems like those cold places do have a more, like, vibrant, fun drinking culture. And it is.

Yeah, it is. There should be a coping mechanism. But it makes things fun. You know what? Move to Seattle where it's rainy, and that's why they drink. Not where it's so cold that you have to hire a man to light your roof on fire. Out of necessity. I have a friend who's living in Norway and he said that the Norwegian winter was like the hottest summer that he'd ever been in because all anybody does is go to bars.

It's like 5,000 people packed in a bar and they have tons of free oil from the North Sea. So they just crank that heat up there. A friend of my wife's did a semester abroad in St. Petersburg, Russia. And it was in the winter. And her apartment, like many apartments in St. Petersburg, Russia, had no heat.

What? And so what she would do is every night she would put on all of the clothes she had. Literally. This is not me being hyperbolic. I've confirmed this with her directly. Put on all of the clothes she had and drink until she fell asleep. Because it was the only way you could fall asleep because it was so cold.

Because it was the only way you could fall asleep because it was so cold. Let's go to why the hell do you make them without heat in St. Petersburg? Because it's communism. You don't have a lot of resources. All right. Well, then let's bring it back. You know, you're right. But let's bring it back to L.A. Why is it that the streets in L.A. do not drain when it rains every year in Los Angeles?

This is not a new thing. It's not like, oh, shit, it rained? What the fuck? It rains for people who are in LA. You think it's sunny here all the time. It's not. It rains a lot in January. Sir? What? I would ask that you take up this line of questioning

with the aforementioned Tony, Tony, Tony, who have confirmed definitively that it never rains in Southern California. I think we were talking about Tony, Tony, Tony off mic. Oh, were we? Yeah. But I mean, aforementioned on this program. Forementioned in my life because I really love Tony, Tony, Tony.

Certainly. You know what I found out I also love? Timex Social Club. The pre-Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony. Next call, please. We got one more call. Sonny D. Okay, let's hear it.

Greetings, Jordan, Jesse, go. Greetings, congested man. Matt Crowe from Keokuk, Iowa, calling with a momentous occasion. I had just now come out of general anesthesia from the second rotator cuff repair in as many months. This is the culmination of four years of increasing discomfort. And now both of my shoulders have been repaired. And that's kind of a good thing for me. And just as a punch-up for your demographic, I happen to be a 57-year-old machinist.

Yeah. I love your show, and I'm looking forward to listening to your show as I lie around the house in a stupor for the next couple days. Bravo. Thanks for being Jordan Jesse Goh. You know, this guy hurt his rotator cuff. He was machining.

You made it. He heard that episode of Jordan Jesse Go where you said your favorite genre of movies was Santa movies. Yeah.

And he laughed so hard that he flipped and he caught his shoulder in the drill press. God, I guess it must have to be less hilarious then. Yeah. Yeah.

That's just not. I don't know how I'm going to do that. By the way, you know, remember the guy from the beginning of this phone-in segment that had his priorities in order? Yeah. That guy's a pussy. That guy's got nothing on this dude.

Yeah, you've been usurped, friend. Sorry. So this is basically your best, this is probably your best bet. What could top this? No, but nothing, right? Maybe if you – A ball surgery?

Yeah. Surgery on your balls? Maybe if you're actually under fire in a war and you're calling in, maybe. A brain swap. A brain swap. Oh, yeah. Hi, I'm calling from my new body. Hi, I'm calling from the body of a monkey.

Sure. Hi. I wanted you to be the first to know. Hi, I'm calling from a jar with a monkey. Sure. Wanted you to be the first to know. Hi, I'm calling from a jar with a system of electrodes and a speaker on the front. Right. These are would top the rotator cuff surgery. Coming out of, yeah. Have you guys been under anesthesia?

I've never been. I'm terrified of it. I have, yeah, yeah. It's great. The only thing I remember, I don't remember. I can't believe that that guy actually called. I'm terrified. I have. Yeah, yeah. The only thing I remember, I don't remember. I can't believe that that guy actually called. I don't remember coming out of it at all. I remember going under because the woman

who was my anesthesiologist actually said, all right, Rico, here comes the good stuff. She put a spoonful of cookie butter in her mouth. She enjoys being a legal pusher. She's like really owning that. Like she should have been wearing a pimp for it.

Yeah, the first one's free, baby. You'll be back. Why were you under anesthesia? Oh, well, I had that leg surgery in high school and then for my kidney stone. You had a leg surgery in high school? Yeah, I got hit by a car. What?

What? Yeah, I got hit by a car my freshman year of high school. I've known you for 12 years and I did not know that. Yeah. How hard? Pretty hard. Hard enough that he needed surgery, apparently. Yeah, I broke my femur.

You broke your femur? I broke my femur. Is it, did it have to be repaired? Does it have a pin in it or anything? It did. They took the pin out and it was a rod. It was like a steel rod. Wow, that's tough. They took it out? They did take it out. So you had like a steel rod wow that's tough yeah took it out they

did take it out yeah i had to have two surgeries yeah i forgive you for the cookie butter thing that makes you hard ass thanks man so you're woke thanks man well i bet your asshole is so tight jordan it's really it's really tight not after the surgery i'm like hey loosen it up a little bit back there jughead's having a hard time getting it in suddenly i'm feeling like rotator cuff guy, is not really that great. I mean, like, if he had called after he got hit by a freaking car, that would be cool. You know, I loved it. It was my freshman year of high school

and that was like, I mean, like, high school for me like, my, you know, I put so much energy into being like, goofy in high school. I can't believe that. And I loved that I got to have crutches and then for a little while after I got to have a cane. Oh, man. I got to walk with a cane, and I'm like, yay!

Oh! Everyone's noticing me! I'm goofing around! A prop forever! Right, yeah. An affect! Hooray! You're at the doctor's office.

They're like, Jordan, your condition seems to have once again worsened rather than improved. They seem self-inflicted. Have you been tap dancing again? Have you been shuffling off to Buffalo? We now need to put you in a full body brace. Yeah. My eye feels weird. How about a monocle?

I want to thank, before we go, I want to thank all of the good people out there who have taken the time to make more powerful than ever fan art. It's not just Zylo art. Zylo art has made some really good ones. She made two options, one where you can see the dick and one where you can't see the dick. Oh, that's nice. So one's for DVD and one you can play on Showtime. No, that's nice. So one's for DVD and one's you can play on Showtime. Rico, we should explain.

Our official slogan for 2013 is immortal power. Plug it in. Yeah, I know that. And I conceived of a sort of visual representation of this, which is a dude, sort of Tom's of Finland style dude,

who's riding an orca. And the orca's cresting out of the water. I think it's just Tom of Finland. I think Tom's of Finland is a muscular biker fucking a third world child's shoes. Is orca a euphemism, by the way? It's not just a biker covering himself in toothpaste. Yeah. Okay.

So the guy is fucking the orca. Oh, did I mention that he's fucking the orca? No, you said riding. He's fucking the blowhole. So you mean he's fucking it. So he's cresting, but he's sort of arched back in a sort of sexy way. Right. And his dick's in the blowhole.

You don't need to even continue. I can visualize. I know what comes next. That's not true. The lightning bolts? You know about the lightning bolts? No, I didn't. So there's lightning bolts shooting out of him.

Those symbolize the power. Jesse, Rico's had sex before. He knows about the lightning bolts shooting out of him. Those symbolize the power. Jesse, Rico's had sex before. He knows about the lightning bolts. Sorry. He's read, or at least, at the very least, has read The Joy of Sex in a family friend's drawing room. We're just a little bit north of San Diego. We know what happens when you get an orca. Sure.

And a biker in the same room. We've been getting some really good stuff. People have been tweeting me stuff. I really appreciate it. You can tweet it at me, Jesse Thorne or you can post it in our forum. I've been posting some of my favorites

on my Tumblr at jessethorne.tumblr.com. There's been some really wonderful stuff and I also want to thank this dude who made some great concept art

for Pelican and Eagle. He made a really beautiful thing. He showed the Pelican with the beers in his thing. It looks really good. I think it's really going to

convince the animal planet people. But did he do it while coming out of anesthesia? Which one does Kindler do the voice of? I think he does the eagle. A little more uptight. Now that makes eagle jewier than I thought before. Yeah, you kind of want something more

maybe like a Patrick Warburton does the eagle voice. I like a Jewish eagle. Patrick Warburton's too swashbuckly. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? I want something... For an eagle. Oh, David Hyde Pierce. Okay.

Done. That was easy. That's America. David Hyde Pierce. And Kindler is definitely in it. Mm-hmm. I mean, if Kindler wants in, it's like Maria Bamford. You know, like if they want in, they're in.

Is there a role for Mary Roach? Oh, yeah. Okay. Absolutely. I just thought you would want to. She writes the novelization. Okay. There you go.

Yeah. Within the show as well. She writes the actual novelization in the real world. That's a little bit hypertextual, my friend. This isn't Arrested Development. We're going to have jokes, not just allusions to things. There are great jokes in Arrested Development. And now we're pissed. not just illusions and things. There are great jokes in Arrested Development. And now we're pissed.

That's the best one. Yeah, that's good. So I think about that about once a month. The good news is no Charlize Theron in our show. Right.

That's all our thoughts. But you know what? If she wants to be. 206. She can come by and hang out. That's nice. Well, she can certainly come by and hang out.

She's like a cool lady you know I think as long as we're not making her play a broad character right as long as we're not asking her to be funny

sure we didn't actually ask her to be a beautiful woman and a gifted actress she can come by she can stay in your vibrator

yeah you know we should talk we didn't get to talk about your vibrator we were talking about the rocket ship ride outside by vibrator talking about the rocket ship ride outside. By vibrator, we mean the rocket ship ride.

We're not kidding. That's the sad part. Yeah. Is that we actually are talking about a rocket ship ride. Look, we've had a lot of fun. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Jordan, Jesse Go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Rico Galeano here. By the way, Jordan, Brian's new. Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Rico Galeano here. By the way, Jordan, Brian's new nickname is Sonny D. Oh, cool. Yeah, that's great. You know why? Because of his sunny disposition?

You got it. Okay. You know exactly what's going on. I figured that out. And I always choose him before I would choose purple stuff. Sure. There's the two reasons. I mean, if Brian wasn't there and there was just purple stuff, I guess I would have it.

Because I've been outside playing football with my multiracial group of friends. Sure. Sure. But if the choice was between Brian or purple stuff, Sonny D all the way. Cooper Grape. Hey, listen. Yeah. America.

You want to hear a celebrity tell a joke? You want to hear a recipe for a themed cocktail? You want to hear... celebrity tell a joke you want to hear a recipe for a themed cocktail you want to hear uh uh uh interviews very focused very focused interview with a spectacular celebrity guest i think i see where you're going with this thorn you know there's no there's no hope for you you're fucked there's no program oh no that's not actually true. What? There is actually a program. What? Let me tell you a little bit about it.

It's called The Dinner Party, and I host that shit. My first guess, my first guess was going to be The Splendid Table. But now that you say it's The Dinner Party, that does sound- Yeah, that does sound a bell. You do that with your little buddy, Brendan Francis Noonan. That's right. He's actually a toddler. Noonan or Newman. Noonan Francis Noonan. That's right. He's actually a toddler. Noonan or Newman.

Noonan. This is interesting. My last name is Galeano and has a silent G in it, and more people mispronounce his name because it looks like a trick. Well, your name is a real name. No offense to Mr. Noonan, but that's not a real name. That's something you give a baby to chew on. That's a typographical error. Here's your Noonan. You want your Noonum, but that's not a real name. That's something you give a baby to chew on. That's a typographical error. Here's your Noonum.

You want your Noonum? That is not. You want to go see Nana? It is a fine, upstanding name. That's a drunk person at Ellis Island. It is not. I just think it looks like, when you look at his name, it looks like you've become dyslexic. Right.

You're like, wait, there's something wrong. And people just get it wrong, and it's crazy. But anyway, he's a good man, a good man. When I look at the name of that little girl from Beasts of the Southern Wild, I feel like I have the bends. Go check out the names of her sisters, by the way. I cannot remember what they are, but they're equally as long and torturous, and you should check that out. Great. Great.

I will. Jermajesty is one of them. What? Jermajesty. It's Jermaine Jackson is one of them. What? Jermajesty. It's Jermaine Jackson's son's name. Really? Yeah. That's cool.

Oh, my word. But let's get serious. Yeah. If I might allude to my favorite Jermaine Jackson hit. Okay. You may. It's been great to have you on the program. Thanks for having me.

I really appreciate it. And hello to all your fabulous listeners and fans. People can find your show, The Dinner Party, in their information tunes and on their radios and on many radio stations across the country. That is correct. More and more. And probably at publicradio.org, which is the website of American Public Media. Maybe, but you can just go to dinnerpartydownload.org and you'll find it there easier. You should drop the download.

It's not the name of the show anymore. We're fond of it still. We like remembering our roots. We're never going to forget the... Yeah, I'm sure the dinner party is already something. Yeah. It's like a really thorough lemon party. Jesus Christ.

I honestly had never thought of that, but thanks. No problem. Sometimes I think it'd be fun to do... Remember at the beginning when we were clean for a while? We did clean shows for a little while. Really? I don't remember. Yeah, we did.

We worked clean for a few episodes. Why? Huh. When we first started? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. We wanted to be accessible to all ages. Okay.

Remember we had like a 10-year-old fan. Remember that? I don't remember the 10-year-old fan. Our show has gotten more and more vulgar over the years. It is. I've noticed. Remember the 15-year-old that came here from Northern Europe to do a week-long internship, which apparently is a thing that happens in the place that he was from?

Oh, I do remember that. Yeah. He's a nice young man. He emailed me recently. Oh. How's he doing? I sent him an email back. He's doing great.

No good. He's going to college. This is fantastic. Anyway. Are you saying do you want to go back to that? I mean, we could do like peepums and do a clean holiday show. No, let's do a clean holiday show. It's the best time of year.

We can do it for Martin Luther King Day. For the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. Yeah. This will come out on Martin Luther King Day. So it would be weird if we- You could go- Let's rerecord this, but clean. Let's do a- I still want to do

the Betty and Veronica's pussies stuff let's do a romantic show that's clean for oh something you can listen to with your

with your honey with your sweetheart okay well no shouldn't the Valentine's Day one be extra vulgar no it'll be like Brian McKnight

type situation and not the new Brian McKnight where he sings novelty songs that are about fucking. I'm talking about like the tasteful, like a John B. You know what I mean? I don't. Like John B. I don't know who John B is.

Jesse. I don't know. Jesse. Do you guys not know anything about early 90s R&B? No. I'm sorry. I actually hadn't. Do you guys not even know that Timex Social Club got sued by Timex and had to change their name to Club Nouveau?

No. It turns out I don't know that. Christ almighty. Look, 206-9844-FUN is our number. Sonny D., Brian Fernandez on the boards. Thank you, Brian. We'll be back next week. I'm Jordan Jessico.