Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 263: Party Flu with Jon Glaser

Episode Date: February 18, 2013

Actor and comedian Jon Glaser joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Jordan's recent tailor experience, Jon's TV show Delocated, and Jon's formative years.  Plus, the youngest JJGo fan Henry stops by.

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Unseasonably lovely day here in the city of Los Angeles. I'm enjoying it. Me too. Jordan's dressed for a business meeting. Had a business meeting earlier today. Wore a collared shirt.

You look nice. Thank you. It was a power lunch. Got on a Vans Authentic. Mm-hmm. Got on, of course, you rolled the sleeves. You don't want to look. No, I don't want to look stuffy.

Jordan, when you're having a creative meeting in Hollywood, you have to show people that you're serious, but you also have to show people that you're creative. Yeah, a little bit fun. You don't want people to think that you're some stuffed shirt. You know, it's funny. I read Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant's show business book. Sure. And they said in the book, and I really took this tip to heart, they said something maybe you would think when you have to have a creative meeting is maybe try and look like a creative type, look a little frazzled, look a little shabby. And they said that that is detrimental because if you're at the point where you're

having the meeting, the person knows you're creative. They want to meet you and make sure that you're responsible and not a pain in the ass. So they said, err on the side of looking nicer. Oh. Yeah. That's the kind of insights that people turn to Jordan Jesse Go for. Sure. Someone regurgitating something they read in a book.

Yes. Well, speaking of creative people, our guest on this week's program is the creator and star of the television program Delocated, which is just about to have its series finale. He is also a regular guest star on the television program Parks and Recreation. And most importantly, half of the Fagetta Buddies, Mr. John Glaser. How are you, sir? I'm good, thank you.

And I'm not dressed well for one of those meetings at all. Well, you're dressed for a podcast. Dressed for a podcast. I'm the overdressed asshole in this situation. I wouldn't. No, let's not rush. Don't throw the word asshole on there. You're right. You're being very harsh. Dipshit. I'm sorry.

Come on. You look very presentable and very responsible. Frankly, I'm just excited that for once Jordan is more dressed up than I am. I'm wearing a t-shirt, blue jeans, and a baseball cap. Sure. I'm going to go play a game of stickball later. Right. So I feel like I'm pretty much winning the world championship of dressing appropriately since you're so overdressed, Jordan.

Yeah. So, I mean, I do have a cotillion after this that I'm going to. Right. I'm learning the foxtrot. Oh, don't tell them I'm not 16, by the way. And also, you're not actually going to wear those clothes. You brought a ball gown. Yeah, I did.

Not an animal. I have a tiara. It goes on over the dress shirt and slacks. John Glazer, you're wearing a cut-off flannel shirt. Yes. This shirt is very old. And what happened was it's cut off at the waist. I've had this shirt for years.

I feel like I've had it. I've been trying to figure it out. I think it's since college. Wow. It's probably over a 20-year-old shirt for years. I feel like I've had it. I've been trying to figure it out. I think it's since college. Wow. It's probably over a 20-year-old shirt. Wow. And I love it. Has it always been cut off at the waist?

For a very, very long time, yes. What caused the cut? Was it a thresher? No, no. It was intentional. I decided that I didn't want, you know, the tails. I wanted it just to be straight across. This was a youthful aesthetic decision.

Sure. A youthful indiscretion, a politician would call it. Sure. So I decided to do it, and that's what I did. So I was doing my own – I wouldn't call it an indiscretion. I would call it like being fashionable. Okay. This was the fashion that I wanted.

This is how I wanted the shirt to look. Didn't know about any flannel shirts or jackets that were just cut straight. So I did it myself. Didn't do any hemming. Right. You didn't know that there's a service industry. Correct.

Of tailors and seamstresses. Could have just told my mom, this is what I want. And she would have said, oh, let's take it to the dry cleaner and they'll do it. Right. They'll show you. You can show them exactly how long or short you want it. But you knew how scissors work. Correct.

You knew that scissors were a great way to turn one thing into two things. Yep. And I did cut it a little short, but that's, I guess, at this point, maybe the charm. I'm now taking it off because we're in this little recording box. It's toasty in here. It is toasty in here. But what I did, as you can see here, it's a short-sleeve flannel. Right.

Was it historically? Okay. It's very recently. Okay. Very recently a short-sleeve flannel. Tell me about that. So, you know, because it's an old shirt, got it very worn in the elbows, went through many rounds of elbow patches. The hole in the elbow just got bigger and bigger and bigger to the point where a patch could not contain it.

Sure. Made its way down, mostly on this side, to the wrist. And I'm like, well, I guess this shirt's all done. Hold on a second. No, it's not. I'll make it a short-sleeve flannel. And this time I went to a dry cleaner and showed them exactly where I wanted it cut off. It was pretty clear wear.

And so that's what I have now. And it's kind of sweet. A lot of young people don't know that you can just take your long-sleeve shirt to the dry cleaner. They're turning it into a short-sleeve shirt. You know, I have a little story about clothing alterations. Yes. Yeah, great. Excellent.

And it's something I've been thinking. Who knew that this whole episode would just be the Jesse episode? Shit Jesse wants to talk about. The next episode would just be the Jesse episode. Shit Jesse wants to talk about. four foot nine and very very much a you know recently immigrated russian jew right uh i think the the name of the dry cleaner is even like you know hebrew word dry cleaners right uh and they give you a little calendar that has all the hebrew holidays on it it's terrific uh anyway so i i i took him the jacket he's like it'll be ready on Tuesday. And I came back on Tuesday and he's like, it's not ready. It will be ready on Friday. And I was a little peeved because I kind of wanted to wear it that night.

Sure. You had an event at the country club. Right. Yeah, exactly. And I said, I mean, you told me Tuesday I have the ticket. And, you know, I was I was a little peeved, but I feel like I was being polite. But he kind of gestured over to this woman who was at the sewing table. And he's like, she is not ready.

She has had many bad phone calls. And I'm like, how can i stay mad like i want to know more about this the language barrier is probably preventing me from getting this i'm like you know what who am i to who am i to dress down a woman who has had many bad phone calls. And he was saying- Not just one. Many bad phone calls. Anyway, so then I stopped being a dick about it and came back on Friday. And they did a great job. So- That's awesome.

What could it have been? Many bad phone- Anyway. It was probably a laundry list of things. Yeah. They may literally have been a laundry list of things because she is employed at a laundry. That's fantastic. Anyway.

So now you've got a good quality tailoring and a good quality story. Sure. Both. It's worth it. Both. It's worth it. We'll be back in just a second. Jordan, Jesse,h.

It's Jordan and Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. John Glazer, guest. It's great to have you on the show, John. Thank you. We're happy you could take time out of your busy Los Angeles schedule, appearing on the network television program Parks and Recreation, to come on our show.

It's a delight to have you here. Thanks for having me. I'm happy to be here in a very sunny, beautiful office. Thank you. You're welcome. The windows allow in a lot of natural light. They do. We've got great lighting. I'm just saying how windows work.

Not adding anything to the conversation. Just letting you know that I understand class. Yeah. Well, I mean, hey, before this, I was using wax paper. And so I really appreciate your expertise. Right. But all of the sandwiches were fresh. They were. All the sandwiches that you had in the office. Can we briefly address one thing that's going on right now here at Jordan, Jesse, go. We have a teen here today. He's waved at you as though that would appear on the recording. This young man.

So this is what happened. We've been doing this show for far too long. Probably. What are we on? Six years. Yeah. Something like that. what are we on six years yeah something like that and uh many years ago we had this young man call in and say hi he called in for a regular call-in segment said hi i'm probably your youngest listener

i'm 10 years old i had to check this out i checked his story out. It was all clear. We encouraged him not to listen to our program because it's not appropriate for 10-year-olds. It is almost unspeakably vulgar on a week-to-week basis. I would prefer a teen watch Boardwalk Empire.

Yes, absolutely. That would be more... At least you learn a little something about Prohibition New York. You know what? Prohibition era New York. It would be more appropriate

for a teen to watch one of those Spartacus shows on Starz than it would be for a teen to listen to our program. At least if a teen I feel like watched Spartacus, at least he could work through some of his gay feelings. Yes. He could really definitively – Identify. Are they correct? Are they natural? Are they from within me or is it just adolescent confusion? Sure. You know what I mean? Do I just like slow motion blood spray?

Or am I gay? Do I just have an unusual sandal fetish that hadn't found expression until now? Yeah. Man, I watched the Spartacus show from time to time and the noteworthy thing about the Spartacus show is it really seems like they it really seems like they watch an episode of game of thrones and then say how can we make a show that's a little bit worse but the sex is crazier it's like they the amount of like cable nudity the like degree of the stuff that's happening to the cable nudity is pretty bananas.

Wait. So give me an example of this. There's a lot of, you know, it's. Because on Game of Thrones, there was that like Conan guy. Yeah. That was sexually assaulting, borderline raping that little blonde woman. Yeah. Princess what's her name-Name, for

like an entire season until eventually she fell in love with him and then resurrected him. Wow. It was pretty intense. Yeah. This, I would say that the sex is more consensual but weirder. Okay. Like there's a lot of it takes place,

I mean like Game of Thrones, a lot of the exposition happens in brothels. Right. Like if you need a guy to talk about what's going on in the world of Spartacus, you go to a brothel. Well that's sort of like the classic Sopranos technique for inserting more nudity into a high class adult drama series.

If the characters just have to be hanging out. It's in a nude lady context. Yeah. And one of the more bananas things that was happening in this Roman orgy place was woman with strap-on pegging guy while exposition was delivered in the foreground. And then 30 minutes of slow motion blood spray. Was the exposition about like the Roman Senate? Yeah.

Oh, totally. It was totally like political backroom dealings. Senator Aurelius. Oh, that's great. Backroom dealings. Senator Aurelius. Oh, that's great. And did you get any sense of what materials they used to make a strap-on in the Roman world? No.

You know, I was wondering that myself. Like, I am more interested in Roman dildo manufacturing than I am with this political intrigue. In Roman politics. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I can understand that. Which is fairly interesting, but I want to learn about dildo artisans. You know who I would ask?

Strap on dildo artisans. I would ask the ancient aliens. The television show ancient aliens. We should probably just go to their go-between, Dan Aykroyd. There's this function on, I have Amazon Prime, which we got when we had the baby so that we could have things that should not be delivered to you delivered to you for free. So things like grape nuts. Like I have grape nuts delivered to me regularly. That is not a delivery product.

That is a buy it at the store product. But what can I say? It's easier to just have it delivered. So we realized that because we have Amazon Prime, inside of our Xbox lives a little Amazon Prime man that can show us the Antiques Roadshow. And so the other day I was looking at this thing to see what other shows you could get on Amazon Prime. And it's a terrible piece of software. Especially compared to Netflix. The navigation's a nightmare. And I accidentally set it to look at all shows

by popularity. And Ancient Aliens Season 2 was like number six. Like they have, in fact, I noted as I was flipping through it I was like, wow, Ancient Aliens is way ahead of Parks and Recreation. This is what America wants.

Sure. When America is at home and they have the choice of many, many television programs without commercial interruption beamed directly through their Xbox to their television. They choose Ancient Aliens Season 2. What is Ancient Aliens? I don't even know. It is a show from maybe the Science Channel or the History Channel. One of these channels that, you know how in the National Geographic Channel, it might even be from the National Geographic Channel, you think that you're getting something that's like the magazine National Geographic, but it turns out to just be a docu-soap about MS-13, the world's most dangerous gang? Or like prison guards or something?

It's one of those channels. So there's like three of them. It's one of those channels. So there's like three of them. And I think it's a documentary show about the possibility that aliens communicated with ancient Egyptians and built the pyramids, right? Yeah. That sounds right to me. I'm saying this based on just looking at the cover art in both Netflix and Amazon Prime.

So you haven't seen it? I have not seen it. No, not at all. No, not at all. But why should that stop me from having an opinion about it? I left my phone out to charge. Otherwise, I would search it up right now. If only we had a producer.

Oh, well. What are you going to do? If only there was a teen sitting in our lobby with nothing better to do. Yeah, we should just have him Google stuff for us. I mean, do you guys feel like we should change the content of the show based on the fact that there's a teen close by? This young man. So to finish the story. Absolutely not.

This teen made a choice to listen to the show. He presumably ran it by his parents, right? Forced his family to move here. Clearly forced his family to move here. He did not. And that's the thing. He did not live in Los Angeles when he was a 10 year old and first called into our show. I alluded to that 10 year old calling this, this 10 year old, now 15, calling into our show a couple of weeks ago. And he, Henry, the teen, emailed me and said, hey, I'm the little kid that used to listen to your show. I've been listening all along.

I still listen now. I'm 15, and now I live in Los Angeles. And I said, well, shit, you should come by so we can poison your brain in person. And what I thought is... We shouldn't encourage teens to watch Spartacus. I'm sorry. I apologize.

I mean if teens are listening to this, they're already fucked. Yeah, it's not your fault. That's true. You know what I mean? They already don't have the kind of parental figures in their life. Their hero is probably Lance Armstrong. Yeah. You know what I mean?

These young people are rudderless. They only got into him because they were impressed with his lying. Yeah. You know what I mean? These young people are rudderless. They only got into him because they were impressed with his lying. Yeah, exactly. This teen, like, you know, I wasn't that into Lance Armstrong,

but once I learned about the lying... Just teens that are deception fans. I would like to see recreational doping. Oh, yeah? Yeah, just people

trying to increase the number of platelets in their blood. Like teenagers behind the auditorium. Like having blood drawn and infused to increase the white blood cell count. I think that's actually – I'm not trying to get all serious. Right. I think that is like a problem where there's a lot of high school kids.

They're doing steroids and it seems pretty fucked up. But they're not doing the kind of – the thing – Well, that's obviously extremely complex that like guys like Lance Armstrong and – but still it's I think kind of crazy that young people are taking steroids. Now, John, you – That kind of thing. You're a steroid user. I am. Correct.

I say all that as a steroid user. So you just don't like the competition. You don't like these young Turks. I don't want to see kids doing it. Okay. Yeah. Well, I can understand that. What kind of high school student were you, John Glaser?

I was, I think, overall a pretty good student. Probably mostly B, B pluses. Were you well-behaved? For the most part. What were your great missteps that you would recommend that teens who are listening to this not? I was not a bad boy. So I don't know if I had any big missteps. You can't go wrong following the John Glazer template of being in high school.

Pretty soon you'll have your own adult story. Yeah, you're a real success story. Played some sports, quit baseball to try a play, and then sort of started doing it. I didn't smoke weed and I didn't drink until my senior year, but then I sort of made up for it. The second half where I finally tried beer and tried drinking. My friend, he would just rave. He's like, you got to try Coors.

It's the best beer. And then he's like, my brother's going to get a keg. And so here's a misstep. Here's a misstep. And this is a misstep where I feel like I'm not a big drinker and I never was. Better mean if there's Coors around. Yeah. Well, look, this is a moment.

You'll kill a 12-er. As a person, even a young person, where you should go, maybe I have a drinking problem or I shouldn't drink. But thankfully it never got out of control. I guess I learned. But here's what happened. So my friend is raving about Coors. It's the best. You got to try it.

My brother is going to bring in a keg. We're going to have a party. So all week I was, at the time, delivering pizzas at this place called Papa Romano's. And so all week I'm asking if someone can switch shifts with me. Because you had to get that Coors. Yes. And so nobody was able to switch, which I couldn't believe. It's usually – it was usually never a problem.

So the next night I just call in sick. I'm not going to miss this party, this Coors keg. So I called in sick. I actually had the nerve to call in sick. So I go to this party. And the next time I went to work, I was told, oh, by not the main manager, but the assistant manager. Not Papa Romano himself. Not Papa Romano.

I think his name was Mike. It was Ray Romano. He told him. And he said, oh, what are you doing here? I said, I'm working. Oh, didn't Mike call you? No. Oh.

I think he let you go. Oh, no. Really? Yeah, you should go home and call him tomorrow. So I call him and I was like, hey, what's up? I heard Steve said it, whatever the guy's name was. You let me go? Yeah, you know, you were asking for a shift off all week and then you called in sick.

You know, I got to let you go. Oh, the lesson there was you should have just lied outright. Oh, I did. You shouldn't have tried to do it through the proper channels The story is not done The story is not finished So I totally lied

I said oh I swear to god I was sick I would never do that Lying lying lying I would He didn't buy it You showed him your report card with the B you didn't buy it and he's like well you showed him your credit your uh report card with the b average can't do it can't do it i gotta fire you so i lied 100 and then it didn't work how was the cores though fucking great i bet it was did burt reynolds bring

it in personally yeah it was stupid we got so drunk we went from one party to another this is in suburban detroit you probably shouldn't have called in sick with the party flu that was probably your first mistake probably not should have made like set a real disease um yeah it is it is really funny how so don't don't do that henry is it henry right don't do what i did in that moment. Everything else, perfect. Henry's nodding. Henry's nodding, but I think we should check to see if his fingers are crossed. Teens will

do that. He just lifted his crossed fingers. Oh, boy. This little fucker is... He's gonna steal our Coors. Should I have left all those open Coorses? That's the biggest misstep, was having shitty beer. No those open Coors's? That's the biggest misstep was having shitty beer. No offense to Coors.

If I'm not mistaken, there was a time when Coors was the creme de la creme of beer available to people in the United States, right? It was a big deal that they had this keg of Coors. I'm not mistaken that that is the central plot point of the movie Smoking and the Bandit, right? That he has to bring a certain amount of Coors from Colorado to somewhere else? I hope so. I think that is. I feel like Nixon or Ford, maybe Ford had Coors imported to the White House from the West Coast. Was it a regional thing for a while?

Yeah, because it was based in the Rocky Mountains. Maybe you've heard. It's the Silver Bullet. Oh, that's true. This is probably pre-Silver Bullet. And I think, yeah, and I think this was, at the time, it was like the only non-horrible national beer available. I don't know a lot about beer,

but I feel like I heard someone talking about this on Fresh Air or something one time. Well, this is a long time ago. I'm an old man. I mean, they didn't even... If we just imagine, like, happy days, is that what we're talking about? Were you a Ralph Malflake figure?

Yeah, I got him my chopper. Sure, sure. Always wrecked it. Sure, sure. Yeah, I mean, you guys didn't even, I mean, Coors at the time, I mean, you guys didn't even have the, you didn't even have the coldness bar to tell you whether or not the beer was cold. So you just had to fucking wing it. Yeah, we just had to submerge it in ice and hope for the best. Hope you knew what you were doing.

You had to assume that it was fresh. There was no freshness dating at the time. Could have been skunky beer. You know what? The beer technology was simply not there, especially when it comes to vessels. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Certainly the process of turning malted barley and hops into an alcoholic beverage, that was there. But, I mean, the Vortex bottle was years away. I can't even imagine drinking beer without a Vortex bottle. The beer, yeah. I mean, how can you drink a beer when it's not swirled into your mouth, you know? You literally, and I'm not kidding, and John, back me up on this, but as I understand it, well into the 1980s, you still had to cut up a lime and squirt it into your beer if you wanted a lime-flavored beer. Yeah.

It didn't – yeah. The Miller Chill was just a gleam in some beer technician's eye. Yeah. Man, I – speaking of that sort of drink, I had the most obnoxious thing the other day that I really, really loved. This was at Buffalo Wild Wings. It's called the Corona Rita. It's a margarita in a pint glass that has a ring on the lip of the glass that they turn a Corona over into. So when you – as you're drinking this margarita, the beer is draining into the glass.

It's a little physics lesson, which is fun, but it's also very delicious. But I just felt like such an asshole drinking it. Oh, you were. Yeah. To be fair, yeah, that feeling was correct. Anytime you're at Buffalo Wild Wings and left. You're at Buffalo Wild Wings. Yeah.

For starters. Mistake one. Yeah. We should mention that Buffalo Wild Wings is literally Jordan's favorite restaurant. Jordan has talked more about Buffalo Wild Wings on this. We get – people will go to Buffalo Wild Wings and send us pictures of them at Buffalo Wild Wings because it's like a cultural touch point for them. It's like going to Wrigley Field or something. They feel like they're visiting Jordan anytime they visit one of the hundreds of Buffalo Wild Wings across the nation.

Yeah, the totally identical. All equally B-minus-y. Yeah. But I feel like, you know, like I like that element that it's bringing us all together. Like I could, you know, talk about some hip L.A. gastropub that, you know, 2% of our listening audience could go to. Sure. And we do do that far too much. Absolutely. But, you know, I feel like this is something we can all enjoy.

Just go by where the movie theater is. Do you go there to watch sports predominantly? I go there sometimes with friends who are watching sports. They don't invite me over to watch the sports, but they know if they're going to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch sports, I will also come. Okay. And I'll try my best to enjoy the sports. It helps if someone explains it to me. Okay.

Jordan's a wings enthusiast. We should mention that. Are the wings good there? They are fine. Okay. They're fine. They're fine. We ate at Buffalo Wild Wings wings good there? They are fine. Okay. They're fine. They're fine. We ate at Buffalo Wild Wings at a meetup once.

What's the appeal? I'm curious. I've never stepped foot in a Buffalo Wild Wings. Not because I won't. No, no. You shouldn't. But I feel like – it doesn't seem like a place that I want to go. Let's be clear.

Yeah. I mean you live in New York. Not for me. And part-time you're here in Los Angeles. These are places with many, many restaurants at all price levels that are dramatically better than Buffalo Wild Wings. Correct. But I've always been under the assumption that Buffalo Wild Wings is a place where you go to watch sports. Yeah.

Yes. I had always assumed it was a place you go for wings. And wings. Sure. But it's also like a real sports watching vibe that I get from their fans. Yeah. I think what has helped my constant going to Buffalo Wild Wings is that I have a group of friends that supports it. I have a group of guys that honestly goes there to watch sports because I think it is actually a good place to watch sports.

I don't know. I found – Here's the thing. I don't know. I found – here's the thing. I guess as a non-drinker, I don't have whatever the thing is inside me that makes me want to go to a bar to watch sports. Yeah. a bar specifically to watch sports, which was I was in New York during the Major League Baseball World Series. And my hometown San Francisco Giants were in the World Series. I did not want to miss it.

And so I went out to a bar with some friends to watch it. And what I found was it is a horrible, horrible place to watch sports. Because for one thing, even during the World Series it's not like all the TVs are showing the World Series every TV is showing its own thing you know what I mean and they all have their sound on but none of them loud enough

that you can hear it over the people talking and so it is a miserable place to watch sports this was the Buffalo Wild Wings this was not a Buffalo Wild Wings. This was an independent bar in New York, New York. Yeah.

Yeah, it's not all... Is it different in Buffalo Wild Wings? No, no, this sounds about right. Yeah, I mean, I guess I really understand, because I feel like I have though not being... I have a lot of friends who are sports fans and I feel like I've dated a lot of sports fans who will take me to things. And I always really love going to the bar that shows the game that they're looking to play.

And yeah, I think it's a social thing, and it's an excuse to start drinking at around 3 p.m. So yeah, I mean, I think I really get that. I really like it. That's the thing that makes me wish I have a team is when everybody rallies to go to a bar. I'll tell you this. When I was in New York. Where did you grow up? Orange County.

A teamless town? Yeah. I guess I could have the Angels maybe. Yeah. Wally Joyner. Sure. Yeah. Jim Abbott.

Yeah. Jim. One-handed pitcher. Old one-armed Jim Abbott. Yeah. That guy is pretty much where it's at. That guy is pretty much where it's at. I was told when I was in New York by Zach Linder that in San Francisco – I mean in Brooklyn, excuse me, there is a San Francisco bar.

There's one in LA, the SF Saloon. Really? Yeah, yeah. What makes it a San Francisco bar? Anchor Steam. Anchor Steam. Just the presence of Anchor Steam. Yeah.

They have its its. They don't have its its but you know like having been at like it's it really reminds me of like those kind of pubby places

in North Beach. There's a lot of old Chinese ladies. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. SF Saloon is great. Very good wings there.

I would say that those are some of my top wings. Can we go there sometime for wings? Where is the SF Saloon? It's kind of in Culver City. Oh fuck. Yeah. Yeah. It's great. Very good wings there. I would say that those are some of my top wings. Can we go there sometime for wings? Where is the SF Saloon? That's kind of in Culver City. Oh, fuck. Yeah.

Yeah, it's great. Great wings. And yeah, I used to date a 49ers fan and we would go watch the 49ers game there. Oh, interesting. It was a lot of fun. So besides the sporting events and the anchor steam, is there pictures of San Francisco celebrities? Yeah, there's pictures of like trolleys.

Does Whoopi Goldberg hang out there? I have not seen Whoopi Goldberg. That's what I would imagine. Yeah. That's where she's from? Yeah, she's a, well, I don't know if she was born and raised in San Francisco, but she definitely comes from the San Francisco comedy world. All right. But she may have been born and raised in San Francisco.

I mean, if you're going to talk about born and raised in San Francisco, of course, you're going to want to talk about former Cardinals and Giants outfielder Willie McGee. That's where you're going to want to talk about. Born and raised? Born and raised. Where does a John Glazer watch a sporting event? Probably at home or at a friend's house. Do you enjoy a sporting event? I do like sports.

What's your favorite sporting event? Hockey. Ice hockey. Ice hockey because you're from Detroit. Not because, but just as a maybe, as a indirect result. I didn't grow up loving hockey. Really? Not only until maybe the last 20 years did I kind of get into it. Really? Yeah. How did you get into it? What happened? I just kind of started watching it a little more and maybe it was when the Red Wings kind of started getting a little better and had a really good team, and then I just really got hooked. You had a lot of extra octopuses.

Yeah, and I had a lot of extra octopuses sitting around my house. The Red Wings thing, they throw octopuses. They throw the octopuses, yeah. Look it up. Look it up. Yeah, it's an old tradition where during the playoffs, they'll throw an octopus on the ice. Now, has that been – Does the ASPCA set

get on them for that? It seems cruel. I don't know. It's a good question. I don't think they're live octopuses. Yeah. It'd be hard to throw for one thing. Sure, they'll sucker onto your hand. They're coming from, I think, yeah, like you can buy frozen dead... Well, I imagine at this point, there's like a man

that sells bootleg Red Wings Bart Simpson t-shirts and octopuses. I thought you were going to say bootleg octopuses. It's just a squid. Is like octopus. It's a squid with eight strings tied to it.

Is mollusk. It has many hand. Not as smart, but more ink. More ink. Bigger beak. Can fight sperm whale. Is like octopus. That guy is a pretty good salesman. I mean, when you consider English isn't his first language, he's got a lot of sales.

He knows a lot about, well, he knows a lot about the various phylums. He's trying, he's also trying to sell a squid as an octopus. So he's really handicapped going into this. As a recent immigrant, perhaps without papers. Chamber Nautilus is better than octopus. He's Nautilus. He's ancient. He's prehistoric.

He's an amazing beast of deep sea. Look at his beautiful shell. You want him to kill sperm? Well. Who are we being racist against? I have no idea. Possibly mollusks. We'll pry open muscle.

We'll pry open muscle stick in beak. Use tool like chimpanzee. Do they? He really has a lot of zoology knowledge. Yeah. He really knows a lot about basically, I mean, he was a biologist in the old country. Sure.

Now he's just a humble, now he's just got those bootleg Bart Simpson T-shirts where Bart Simpson's wearing a Red Wings jersey. And he's got these mollusks that he bought down on the pier. Sure. He's got to sell them today or they're going to go bad. His wife won't stand for another batch of mollusks going bad in the house again. You like bivalve?

You like bivalve? I get you oyster. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. John Glazer, along for the ride. You're central to this whole endeavor.

True. We couldn't do this without you, John. True. How would the topic of mollusks ever come up? If it weren't for your enthusiasm for various guys named Yevgeny. What is that? What's that? I feel like most guys on the Detroit Red Wings or most hockey players

aren't named Yevgeny. They had a lot of Russian guys. They still got one. Pavel. Pavel Datsyuk. Oh, Pavel Datsyuk. Is that guy good? Unreal. Super good? Yes. Super good? Yes.

At hockey? Oh, yeah. Not just morally good. That's what I'm saying. He's a truly phenomenal hockey player. But they did at one time have a Russian line. All five guys on the ice were from Russia. Wow.

It's pretty awesome. Oh, it's cold in Russia. So you could see where they would want to do some skating. Are there more Russians than there are Canadians now? In the National Hockey League? Yeah. In general, in the world. I don't think so.

Who's fucking more, Russians or Canadians? How about the meteor? Yeah. Speaking of Russia. Speaking of Russia. Pretty fucking cool. Yeah, it was pretty cool. Pretty insane.

That is the craziest shit ever. I mean, cool. It's also horrible. A thousand people were injured. Well, of course. But also cool. Yeah. It's good that none of them died.

It makes it more fun. Yeah, definitely. Their injuries are pretty fun. That's what I'm saying. Sure. One of them got a club foot out of it. I don't know how that happened, but somehow. It was amazing. Amazing. Not the club foot, but it. I don't know how that happened, but somehow it was amazing.

Not the club foot, but the meteor. Sure. Pretty cool footage. Yeah, I've heard that it's because everyone – because the law enforcement is so corrupt in Russia, everyone is constantly taping things. Yeah, a lot of dashboard cams. Yeah, it's because they're afraid of getting police brutality. And also for insurance reasons. Apparently, it is basically impossible to get what they call two-way or comprehensive insurance in Russia unless you have like a brand new car and you want to pay a huge amount of money.

And your insurance company, even if you do have insurance, basically will not defend you in court unless you take the other person to court. And so if you take the other person to court and win, then your insurance company has your back basically. They'll just deny all claims. And so if you don't have a video recording, you're fucked. all claims and so if you don't have a video recording you're fucked but it makes for it's it it is a shame that that their that their system isn't better but it's a it it's good for meteor footage that's true now at the end of the day that's what's important yeah i mean i would hate to think of a meteor hit you know hit in california you know maybe it would fall behind some guys making a web video i mean if we're lucky it might fall at like guys making a web video. I mean, if we're lucky, it might fall at Universal Studios. Sure.

On one of the cool sets. Yeah. People would just think it was part of the Jaws attraction. Like the Frankie and Annette beach party set. Sure. You know, that's where I would like to see it fall. Well, someone told me also to look up dashboard cam videos. Oh, you should.

People pulling guns on each other on the freeway. What you find is just like cars driving and on top of the car is a haystack. Like a full haystack, you know, 10, 12 feet tall. Find people, you know, driving 80 miles an hour down the wrong side of the road, weaving through traffic. You find it's amazing. Because Russia is a land without laws. You almost sounded like a weirdo Italian guy. It's amazing.

Hey, this video is tremendous. A lot of good accents. It's like my mama's sauce. A lot of good accents. And by that, I mean bad, horrible accents. Hey, be nicer good accents. And by that, I mean bad, horrible accents. Hey, be nicer to accents. You can see anything from a Russian dashboard video because Russia is a country that has many affluent people, many people who are essentially living in the first world, but it is a version of the first world with no laws.

Yeah, that's what someone told me. It's like watching the Wild West. It sounds hilarious and horrifying. It's like when I was in Italy in Milan and our producer was driving us around. We were going to a shoot and he just pulled his car up on the sidewalk in front of the store we were going to, just like on a regular sidewalk, not halfway up, just fully blocking the sidewalk with his car and got out. And we're like, are you allowed to park here? And he's like, no.

What do you mean? Like, why would you even ask? Are you allowed to park here? I parked here, didn't I? I'm remiss to say this because I've said it on Twitter already, but I feel like it's a valid point. I feel like every news story this week is also the plot to a Nicolas Cage movie that hasn't been made yet. We got Meteor hitting Earth. We got shit streaming out of a cruise ship.

Yeah. Mysterious Pope retirement. Right. No Legs Guy. Yeah. Rogue uh rogue cop yeah these are all nicholas cage movies yeah that's a very straight to vod you know what hmm that's a fucking that's a trenchant analysis of today's news thank you you know what we should get you on weekend edition thank you yeah maybe well can i start with Fox and Friends? Okay.

Okay. We'll start you with Fox and Friends. Uh-huh. Then we'll kick you up to the McLaughlin group. Okay. Then weekend edition. I'll just do, you know, I'll do the Sunday morning circuit for a while. Is McLaughlin dead?

I think the McLaughlin group still goes on. I think some younger guy hosts it now. Is it a younger McLaughlin? Yeah. It's his clone. He had a clone. Well, you should know, though. It's a talking sheep.

For sure. We don't have the technology to clone men. All he says is, kill me. I was a mistake. Tort reform. Believe it or not. This is the sponsorship segment of our show. This week's program brought to you by BoatParty.biz, a website with a picture of a boat and a place to type in your email address.

Online at BoatParty.biz. To date, more than 4,500 hip young people have typed their email address in to the box on Boatparty.biz. What happens? And then what? They find out first. Find out what? The secret of Boatparty.biz. I see. Online.

So you type your email into a boat. No. No, John. Into a box. Do you know what a URL is? I think so. Universal Resource Locator. Okay.

You type boatparty.biz. Correct. Into the browser window that accepts your URLs. And then up comes a boat. A picture of a boat. A picture of a boat. Correct. Into the browser window that accepts your URLs. And then up comes a boat? A picture of a boat. A picture of a boat, correct. The internet cannot generate objects for you, John. No, that's what I mean. Up comes a boat, a picture of a boat. You get one of those

3D printers. Right. Have you seen those? So there's a boat on your screen. Just because you have a 3D printer does not mean that if you type boatparty.biz into your computer, you're going to get a boat. A picture of a boat. Obviously, when I say a boat, I mean a picture of a boat on your screen. It's not obvious to me.

We should also say that a boat. A picture of a boat is on your screen. There's a box. And in that box, you type your email. It's below the boat. It's not on the boat. You're gesturing as though the boat. Why would anyone put that box on the boat?

You can't appreciate the art. It sounded like what you described. So I misheard. So there's a box somewhere on the screen below the boat. Yeah. You type your email into the boat, into the box. No, you type it into the box. Into the box.

You can't type email into a boat. So what happens – A boat says, what is this? What is typing? I don't know. I just float. Guys, I feel like we should just come out with it. Jesse is amassing an email list so he can just send out a bunch of dick pics at once.

So what happens? Why do I do it one at a fucking time? Yeah, no, no. I'm not saying it's a bad idea. I'm just saying that, you know, there's no reason to beat around the bush about it. You're being, I think you're being too secretive. Just let people know that if they want some dick pics. So what happens when you type your email into the box?

Then what happens? You receive a confirmation email. From boatparty.biz? Yeah. And then what happens from there? You find out first. There's also a section underneath the boat. It reads, find out first.

Find out what? What Jesse's dick looks like. Left, right, big, small. Sure. Grooming. Tumescent, limp. You know, there's a lot of information that you could find out from this. I'm not saying

100% that's what it's going to be. It's probably your best shot, though. I mean, if that's your goal, you want to take a swing at it It would be a real home run if it came through for you You know what I mean I don't I don't know what's going on right now

You know what Boatparty.biz is mobile friendly So if you get a chance Once your phone's charged up You know just type it in. I presume you have a smartphone mobile browser? Like, what are we looking at? Mobile Safari? I think so.

So just type boatparty.biz. You can get a real flavor for the whole situation. Okay. Maybe I'll check it out. Soup to nuts. Maybe I'll check it out. Online at boatparty.biz. I'm really glad you're going to check it out, John. Okay. I might check it out. It's really cool of you to do this. We really appreciate your support.

You got it. If I check it out, you will have my support. Right. So thanks for checking it out. John Glaser for boatparty.biz. We'll possibly check out boatparty.biz. Later on is going on boatparty.biz, and we'll probably type in his email address.biz. Later on is going on boatparty.biz and will

probably type in his email address. Certainly will. I'll probably go to the site so I can see what the boat looks like. Right. So he's going to go to boatparty.biz. And then I'll look and see where the box is. Okay. And then chances are I won't put my email in there. You probably will. You probably will. Okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go.

It's Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. John Glazer. Hey, John, when is the last episode of Delocated? It's imminent, right? Yes, it's March 7th. Technically, I guess March 8th,

because it's at 1230 at night. So that would technically be first thing in the morning. I get the impression that when you have a show on Adult Swim, it's hard to tell people when to watch it. Why is that? Because there's the – do you tell them – is it early morning Friday or late at night on Thursday? I mean they say Friday – or they're saying Thursday, March 7th. OK. So that's how it's telling people.

It's 1230. I think people still consider that nighttime. I think so too. Yeah. You've really had a majestic run, especially for a television program with such a complicated premise. Yeah, it was a pretty sweet run. Hard to complain. I mean it's too bad it's over.

But again, just like you said, hard to complain. It's a delightful, hilarious show. It will be great to get to see the finale, but bittersweet. Very bittersweet. It's coming to an end. Very bittersweet. But also a good place, I think, for the story actually to stop, even though it would have been completely fun to do more and we would have thought of a way to keep going and extending the premise and all that but do i remember correctly that you are wearing the same weird balaclava

for like the whole first season do i remember that right yes however i do want to i do want to point this out yeah i'm sorry to use you as an example but i I'm going to do it. Okay. It's not a balaclava. A balaclava has the whole cutout? A balaclava has like the whole – Yeah. Mine is the two eyes and a mouth. And a balaclava is I think just one big circle around the face. But you can then, you know, pull up to various degrees. Right.

And pull the head back if you want. It can be a neck warmer. Much more versatile. Okay. And functional hat. Head back if you want. It can be a neck warmer. Much more versatile.

Okay. Functional hat. But oftentimes my mask is incorrectly identified as a balaclava. Well, I apologize. And as someone that loves gear, I find it upsetting. Sure. I know. You've got that great column in GQ, Glazer's Gear, where you rank masks and tablets. That is a big one.

I did not know that he was in GQ. I remember when you were in Outdoor Life. I was in everything but GQ. But Glazer's Gear. Do you still use the same one? Number one, I'm not – You're correct. I'm correct that there was just one particular one that was just getting grosser and grosser, right? Yeah. We had a couple passable backups, and we used those if it was going to get super wet or super dirty or something.

But there was one main mask, and it was clearly the most important thing on the set, even beyond me. Like, well, if something happens to John, we could probably use someone else to put the mask on that person and make it work. You could do that Ebert thing where they synthesize the voice of a dead person. I think you should stick your old director's commentaries. Pretty much. But, yeah, it was a little tenuous and it did make things sometimes a little nerve-wracking. But, look, I still have it. It held up.

Right. up right although we did um for this finale episode the last thing we shot uh got a little dirty and then i just put it i had a tupperware it was kept in a little tupperware case i always wanted to have a super expensive clear plexiglass briefcase because something that goes when you open it yes but then then you can see through and just see that it's a ski mask in there. Right. Little lights in it

that shine. Maybe where two guys each have a key around their neck and you have to turn them at once. That'd be the best, just to have it go through

airport security and all that. I've always been curious if they can see it when I travel and do live shows. It's in this Tupperware laying flat

and I'm curious if they just see a ski mask on the monitor as my bag goes through. I've never been asked about it. You carry it on, right? Yes. You wouldn't want to trust it to baggage handlers.

No way. That is always with me. Right. This did happen, though, once. Have you ever seen these videos I did, the tiny hands character? Oh, of course. So many years ago. He's a legendary character.

He's known for his tiny hands. He's known for his tiny hands. He's known for his tiny hands. Yeah. So I had these two doll hands. Basically, if you don't know it, I took these baby doll arms, ripped them violently off the baby doll body, took the arms, chopped them at the wrists. And then I would stick my fingers in the wrists and have long sleeves on a shirt and look like I have tiny hands. And it was a really super dumb bit, really fun to do. And I actually was traveling to L.A. from New York.

And I was I took my ID out of my wallet. First, I was going to some function. I didn't want to have like a thick wallet in my pocket because it's got so much money in it. No, but I just took I took my ID out and just carried it with me. Forgot to put it back in my wallet. Get to the airport, standing in line at security, please remove your ID and boarding pass.

And I'm like, fuck. Forgot my, I'd left my wallet at home. Or my driver's license. What did you have? Didn't you have a substitute? I had everything else. Credit cards, health insurance cards, everything but photo ID.

And I get out of line. I go back to the counter and I tell them what happened. They said, you can still go through. You're just going to have to go through extra security. They're going to pull everything out of your bag. I said, no problem as long as I can at least get on this flight. And I forgot that I had the doll hands in there because I was coming here to do some shows. And that was going to be one of the things I was doing.

And sure enough, they're pulling everything out of my bag. And I'm just sort of standing to the side waiting. And I hear, excuse me, what are these? And they're holding these two little chopped off doll hands. And I had to try to explain what it was. Drug containers, ma'am. I got through no problem. Satanic rituals.

Those are tiny guns. Kind of awkwardly weird and funny, but it was kind of awesome. I got through, flew to L.A., several years later met my wife, impregnated her, had a baby. Wow. And now here we are. All because of those doll hands. Exactly. If anything had gone differently, I wouldn't be here. Man. If they would have pulled me aside and said, we need to talk to you about this, wouldn't be sitting here we are. All because of those doll hands. Exactly. If anything had gone differently, I wouldn't be here.

Man. If they would have pulled me aside and said, we need to talk to you about this, wouldn't be sitting here right now. We'd just be sitting here with fucking Chris Fairbanks for the eighth time. I know. And you know what? I don't know who that is, but it sounds like he's not welcome here. He's a great guy. He's very funny.

He's a really great guy. He sounds like he's welcome here. Consummate guest. Sounds like he's welcome, but not enjoyably. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Well, I mean, at the end of the day, you could say that about a lot of those kind of crazy airport situations.

I mean I think sometimes of what would have happened when Mrs. Hoggett and Babe were at the big city airport. If that one dog hadn't barked to prove to Babe that he could get a treat for barking, if that had happened, who knows what would have happened over the course of the film Babe, Pig in the City? You know? I mean, it is, you really, a lot hinges on, I guess what I'm trying to say is, a lot hinges on what happens at those airport security areas. Correct. From John Glaser's family to, you know, Babe, Pig in the City, one of the great family films of our time. Way to connect them. Both. Correct. From John Glaser's Family to Babe Pig in the City, one of the great family

films of our time. Way to connect them. Both. Thanks a lot. Hey, speaking of families and family films, we brought this teen in here. We remember that we have another microphone, so we figured we might as well bring this teen in here. His name?

Henry. Don't give your last name. People are going to steal your identity. Ferguson. Beep. Yes, Henry Ferguson. Remember to beep that, Brian. If we're going to have teens on our program without their parents' permission, we really shouldn't have them be giving out their surnames.

Okay, so Henry, I felt weird. Henry F. I gotta say, why were you listening to our show when you were 10 years old? That's the real question here. So, we were just, my family was going on a long road

trip down to Mexico. And we'd just gotten this new MP3 player. From where? To Mexico from where? From Wisconsin. Okay. Which is where we originally lived. Yeah.

So you were moving to Mexico at the time. Exactly. To be drug mules. Right. And the drug business brought us here to LA. Sure. Sure, yeah. I've seen traffic.

Okay. You had a van full of tiny doll arms. It's more of a weed situation. Sure. I haven't seen that. Good. Well, it's more moral. Okay.

Okay, so you were on a road trip to Mexico from Wisconsin. And we'd just gotten this new MP3 player for our car, so we decided to load up on podcasts and stuff. This was a creative Zen player. Exactly. 128 megabytes. And we got a couple episodes of This American Life and we were looking what else is similar to this and This American Life came up

and we were just super hooked from the very start. So you're saying that you started listening to Jordan Jesse Goh because it came up in the You Might Also Like for This American Life? This is back – I think this was probably back when there were three podcasts. Right. It was us, Jimmy Pardo, and This American Life. Yeah. And then, yeah, I think we came up as recommended because it wasn't Mac Tips. We were the only other thing that isn't Mac Tips.

I mean there was Don and Drew. Sure. There was also early podcasters Don and Drew. Harry Potter fan fiction, too. Okay, so... Slash fiction. Yus is okay with your parents? Your parents know you're here, right? Yes. You didn't just tell them you were going to your Little League game.

Well... Wait a minute. What is this? What is this? They do know you're here. Yeah. Did they drive you here? to your Little League game. Well... Wait a minute. What is this? What is this? They do know you're here. Yeah, they do. Did they drive you here? My mom dropped me off. You don't even have a driver's license.

No. This is like an old kind of stately building. Did you tell them this was the public library and you were here to study? Exactly. I don't know. I don't encourage lying. No. We listen to it in the car together all the time.

Huh. Why do your parents think this is okay? What kind of libertine lifestyle do your parents have? My parents like to call themselves hippies a lot. Are they actually hippies? No, not at all. You know what a hippie is. What's the most hippie-ish thing your parents do?

I mean, apart from be okay with your kids listening to all kinds of stuff. Do they have a kombucha mother? My mom does yoga, and that's about it. That's it? That's every mom. Exactly. That's all moms. They're not hippies. They could just be Indian Americans. They're very understanding.

Did she want to come up here? No. She doesn't want to meet you guys at all wow because she's sure that will disappoint her exactly yeah i can understand that i mean really great on the microphone and really fucking disaster i mean i can disappoint a woman yeah there's one thing that's one of your core competencies i've seen that on your resume under skills sure and then there's and then my headshot is four panels it's me as a cowboy a doctor a That's one of your core competencies. I've seen that on your resume under skills. And then my headshot is four panels.

It's me as a cowboy, a doctor, a sailor, and then one of me apologizing. So, Henry. And it's because you can't. It shows what a good actor I am because you know from the picture that I'm being apologetic. I have range. Have you listened to the show consistently for'm being apologetic. I have range. Have you actually, have you listened to the show consistently for six years? Yes.

Like we'll go on vacation and not have access to it, but we always catch up as soon as possible. And you listen to it together? Yeah. Do you ever, have you ever gone on a road trip specifically to listen to Jordan, Jesse go? Like, have you ever done a thing where you like, you know, head down to the old mill

and then just circle around and head back because you needed extra time? I don't know Wisconsin well. I mean, that's... That's about right. Yeah, yeah. It does really help with being fashionably late. Uh-huh. Okay, excellent.

Now, what brings you to Los Angeles? Because you live in Los Angeles now, right? I do. Our entire family was kind of just looking for a change of pace because Wisconsin is really boring. And because you're – I hear Madison is lovely. That's where we live. Because of your father's mail fraud also.

I forgot to mention my parents are swingers. Yeah. Okay. That's gross. That's disgusting. That's a horrible thing to say about your parents. You should not think about your parents are swingers. Yeah. Okay. That's gross. That's disgusting. That's a horrible thing to say about your parents. You should not think about your parents. You really shouldn't.

At some sort of weird eyes wide shut fuck party. So everyone decided as a group to move to Los Angeles? Why did a kid? You don't ask the kids where to move. Do you have brothers and sisters? I have two younger brothers, but they're not as – they don't listen as consistently. They're not as foolish as you are. It's mostly just me and my mom.

They have things – they have shit to do. Exactly. Okay. They prefer Marin because he encourages comedians to drop the act and just be real. Yeah, just be real. So, okay. So, okay. So you and your mom listened to the show together.

Your family all decided to move to Los Angeles together. Well, we first moved to San Diego for a while. That was a mistake. Whoops. We had a few old days. Did you encourage people to move to San Diego? Were you being sarcastic? I don't know.

I may have encouraged people to move to San Diego? Were you being sarcastic? I don't know. I may have encouraged people to move to San Diego. San Diego is a real mixed bag. Let's put it that way. Sure. It's a real good place to enjoy beautiful weather, lovely coastline, and like a guy that just left the Navy beating you up while wearing his baseball hat backwards. Okay, so your family moved to San Diego and now up to Los Angeles? Exactly.

Why up to Los Angeles? In San Diego, I was trying acting and stuff and it started picking up more and more. So we just, we came closer to the action. Initially, you were doing what? Cruise ship acting?

Exactly. What kind of acting? You were a Comic-Con booth babe. Thinking about the kinds of acting you could do in San Diego. What kind?

Tell us, let's get a little taste of your resume. What kind of work were you doing in San Diego? In San Diego, well, I was driving up here

to LA in San Diego. In Wisconsin, I was driving up here to L.A. in San Diego. In Wisconsin, I was doing- It's quite a commute. That's right. But that's two hours and change. Exactly. Your podcast helped a lot. And, you know, also WTF.

Sure. I really got to see behind the mask. It's number two. Sure. Okay. So then let's get down to the nitty gritty. What are we talking about? Local television commercial?

Yeah. National television commercial. Oh we talking about? Local television commercial? Yeah. National television commercial. Oh, for what? For what product? Can we hear? Volkswagen. Oh, I've heard of Volkswagen. Wow.

Yeah. Jordan would like to book that. I'd love to. Yeah. Hell, I'd do it. Sure. I'm in. Volkswagen?

Can I be in the one where they all go, da, da, da? Remember that one? You guys remember that commercial? I'd love to be in that. That would be a lot of fun. You think they got any openings on that thing? I don't know. Can you retroactively go back in a commercial that's already been filmed? I don't know a lot about show business. I work in public radio.

That's true. You know? Yeah. If it were a public radio operation, you know who was in one of those things? Tony Hale. In a Volkswagen commercial? Yeah. He was in the one where the Mr. Roboto won.

Oh, sure. Famous. Yeah. Famous ad. You were still a glint in your parents' eyes when these Generation Defining Volkswagen advertisements aired on television. Yeah, I have no idea. I'll explain it to you. All right.

In one of them, everybody's going, da, da, da. And then in another one, Tony Hale from Arrested Development is doing a robot dance while he listens to Mr. Roboto by Styx. I think that explains it. Yeah. Everything is explained. Okay, so national television commercial, that's pretty good. I was the young version of Nat Faxon in the TV show Ben and Kate. That's pretty good, too.

Dave Holmes was on that. He was. Hey, sadly, that show was canceled, but really a pretty good show. Sure. Yeah, I watched that a few times. Lots of laughs. A really solid show. Charming leads.

Exceptionally charming. I would say that was the core strength of the show, was that it had two very charming leads. I like that British lady. What do you think, John Clayson? Never saw it. Never saw it? You missed out. I mean, you're one of many people that didn't see it.

It just got canceled. It's too bad. Ben and Kate? Ben and Kate, yeah. Was this a sitcom? It was a sitcom. Yeah, it was right before New Girl. It was like a gentle, romantic sitcom.

Not a super joke-intensive sitcom. It was just a feel-good. Yeah, it was like a feel-good show. Exactly. But Nat Faxon, the lead, was tremendous. Also, of course, co-wrote The Descendants. Exactly. And why wouldn't he have?

Given that he's the leading man on a sitcom. Sure. And yeah, the British lady was really funny. Agreed. I'm right there with you. So you played young Nat Faxon. This is only two credits. I mean, this is barely a resume. Yeah. Sorry. So basically, this is barely a resume. Yeah. Sorry.

So basically you're as successful as me. What else you got? Yeah, let's see. Pretty solid, though. It's good. Quality, not quantity. That's true. That's true.

And then what prompted the move? So you're like Terrence Malick in that way. Long time between projects. Sure. You got to let it ruminate, you know? Yeah. Give me a break. I'm 15. I compared you to Terrence Malick. Okay. You got to let it ruminate, you know? Give me a break. I'm 15. I compared you to Terrence Malick.

Okay. He's a genius. Okay. I'm told. You know what? I'm sick of your teenage lip, Henry. Go watch The Thin Red Line. You've probably never even seen The Thin Red Line.

1492? You've probably never seen it. You don't know about the distracting John Travolta cameo and how weird that was and how it really takes you out of the movie. Sorry. Y'all class me. You may have seen Three of Life. I'll grant you that. But if you did, you probably didn't like it because it was too boring.

I thought it was too slow. Okay, Henry. Let's get some more credits here. Final one. What prompted the move was cast as, again, a younger version in the upcoming movie Broken Horses with Vincent D'Onofrio. So you're a young Vincent D'Onofrio? Vincent D'Onofrio. Not a young Vincent D'Onofrio.

Okay. You're a young horse? That's all I know about the movie so far. We're grasping at straws here, man. Come on. I'm a young Chris Marquette, and his counterpart, the two stars, are Chris Marquette and Anton Yelchin. I love those guys. Young Yelchin.

Exactly. I don't know who those people are. Yelchin was the Russian guy in the Star Trek remake. Oh. Yeah. He was good in that. Data? What's that guy's name?

Yeah, Data. Young Data. Young Data. Khrushchev. Young Khrushchev. The British guy's name is Khrushchev. Yeah. I think that's close there.

No. No, what's that actual Star Trek character's name? I should know that. He's Russian. Scotty. Not, I don't know. Glazer? Star Trek?

Yeah, I'm drawing a blank. Anyway. Come on, Brian. Who is, this is the one that Jimmy's father-in-law played, right? The Wessel. The Wessel guy. Chekhov. Chekhov.

Okay. Chekhov. Anyway. So you're a young, you play a young Chekhov. In the Anton Chekhov story. Exactly. Are we not paying enough attention to this young mankhov. In the Anton Chekhov story. Exactly. Are we not paying enough attention to this young man? No.

Does Dave Shumka still do that kid casting blog? I don't know. Dave Shumka of Stop Podcasting Yourself used to do a blog where he just put the young version of a character next to the older version of a character. You could get in on that kid casting blog. I don't know if he still does it. I think he could make an exception for Henry. Sure.

Bring it back. This guy's a fucking rising star. Sure. Are you? Okay, so do you have a plan? He's like a meteor blazing across the Siberian sky. Coming for you, Russia. Yeah.

Catch him on your dashboard cams. Okay, so Henry, right now you're just a teen. You're just enjoying yourself. You're flying through that Russian sky. Soon you're going to explode and crash and burn. And injure thousands. And your career will be over. What do you do then?

I thought this was a good explosion. What's that? I thought this was a good explosion. You thought wrong. Are you like the kid from Two and a Half Men where your plan is once the show ends, you're out of acting. You're done with show business. Take the money and run. That's not my plan at all.

That's my recommendation to you. Head back to Madison. Money goes a long way there. A lot of cute college girls. Yeah. Can I recommend that you start The Onion? A long way there. A lot of cute college girls.

Yeah. Can I recommend that you start the onion? This is a cool thing you could do in Madison. Sure. Cool stuff to do in Madison. Okay. What do you, okay, so. So based on your, was it based on your successes, the family decided let's get out of San Diego?

Or was it before that, move to San Diego so you could be closer to the action? Well, again, it was like a general just wanting to get out of Madison. Sure, but you could have gone anywhere. Could have gone to Denver. They chose San Diego. Denver's lovely. You've got to assume Denver. Could have gone to Chicago.

Chose San Diego because it's closer to Shamu. Right? That's why people moved to San Diego because it's closer to Shamu. Right? That's why people move to San Diego. Your passion for acting dictated the whole family's choice. Do you have brothers or sisters? I have two younger brothers. Were they mad? No, not at all.

I guess the middle one misses his friends a bit. But he's super social. He's pretty stoked to hang out with Shamu all the time. Exactly. And the little one's glad you're in LA so he can be closer to his Coke dealer. They have a really strong bond. So right now, look, you're 15 years old.

Who knows what the future might bring? You might discover a passion for agriculture. Very possible. Animal husbandry. And if you do, I recommend UC Davis, by the way. It's a great place to go. Good ag school there. Do you know my brother-in-law goes to UC Davis?

They have a campus butchery. Wow. You can go get handmade sausages for pennies on the dollar. From a stoned college kid. House smoked bacon. Yum. Wow. If you go to UC Davis.

That you completely turned my picture of UC Davis around. 180 degrees. Before I was like, why would anyone want to go to college outside Sacramento when they could just go to one of the many other UCs that are not outside Sacramento until I found out about this fucking butcher shop. Easy, they're smoking their own bacon. That sounds like now it's the greatest college I've ever heard of in my entire life. I'm sure they got something equal, if not better, at Berkeley. No offense, Davis.

I don't know. We went to UC Santa Cruz. I don't even remember them smoking Tofutti. Yeah. Or smoking shit. Well. Okay. cruise i don't even remember them smoking tofutti yeah we're smoking shit well yeah okay so you so right now and you aspire to become a professional full-time show business professional that would be amazing whose career trajectory would you want like a justin long jordan jordan

morris jesse thorne yeah that sounds pretty great ryan gos. John Glazer. I'd rather be like, as you said, quantity over quality. Other way around. Other way around. Quality over quantity. So, Nicolas Cage. Quantity over quality. Exactly. More of like a Paul Dano or a Ben Foster.

Oh, okay. All right. I mean, you could play a young Dano. You're very lanky. Yeah. So, I'll give you that, okay. All right. I mean, you could play a young Dano. You're very lanky. Yeah. So I'll give you that, kid. I'll give you that, kid. Sure.

Look, show business isn't all about lankiness, but it don't hurt. Yeah. That's why Larry Bird gets so many parts in movies. Well, and all those Indiana production credits. That's true. You know? Everybody's shooting French lick these days. Henry.

More questions about Paul Dano. No, I really, I'm still, I still kind of feel like Henry shouldn't be here. Yeah. And he shouldn't listen with his mom. Isn't it weird to listen to your mom when we're talking about dildos and everything? It's incredibly awkward. Yeah, it's really funny. I've really bonded with my younger sister.

My sister's like five years younger than me. But we've really bonded because we both love the show Girls. And we both like to call each other after the latest episode of Girls or send a text and we talk about it. You should explain your sister is a girl. My sister is a girl. Yes. That's why she loves the show. And I love the show because I'm a giant pussy.

Sure. And part of me is thinking like, oh, I should my sister doesn't live that far away. I should call her and she maybe she could come over with some friends and we can watch girls. But then all the sex happens. And I'm like, oh, I, I should one time on ready to view on my television. And my mother-in-law was visiting. And my wife said, let's watch Louie, which was a terrible call. Yeah, yeah. And it turned out to be one of the, you know, not every episode of Louie would be something that would be wildly inappropriate to watch with your mother-in-law. I mean, you know, your mother-in-law might not enjoy it as much as you did. Sure.

But it was a really – it was one with an extended thing just about blowjobs, as I recall. And my mother-in-law is a wonderful woman, but she doesn't want to watch a blowjob show. Yeah. She prefers analingus shows. She does. That's her preferred type of show. Yeah. She prefers analingus shows. She does. That's her preferred type of show. Gotta get stars for that show. Spartacus, yeah.

That's where you're getting when you're signing up for stars. Yeah, so it gets uncomfortable. Has she ever felt like she's had to have a talk with you after an episode? Like, hey, we need to unpack some of the stuff they were talking about. I think this is their drawn-out way of giving me the birds and the bees talk. Oh. Just subscribe to a podcast for six-ish years. Exactly.

So if your mom is laughing at something and you're not, then she says, sweetie, do you know about periods? And then she explains it to you? Yeah, something like that. Or I'll go and Google it after that. Okay. That's how people learn about their periods. Should we provide a study guide with every episode?

Or like discussion questions like a book club? if we provided, yeah, like just a little guide, a few questions, just to get people's podcast groups started in the discussion. Honestly, once the Shibli takes hold, their mouths are going to be flapping. And, you know, when you go to a podcast club, half the people haven't even listened to the podcast. I know. Yeah, you go for the Trader Joe's hummus trio.

Sure. Nice glass of Chablis. Sure. And then, yeah. Complaining about your husband. Complaining about your husband. Very quickly, and I don't want to belabor this. No.

So you go to the site, boatparty.biz. Right. You put your email in. What happens? First you see a boat. You get abiz. Right. Put your email in. What happens? First you see a boat. So it's... You get a confirmation email. Okay.

Just to make sure that the email you typed in was correct. Okay. So I get that. I click on it. I'm taken to the site. And what do I see? You see a boat. There's a picture of a boat there.

Right. Underneath it says, find out first. Then below that, there's a box to type in your email address. But I've done that. Right. And then what happened? Well, you got the email. Right.

And you told me you clicked on the email and went back to the site. So now I go, so it's just, it goes in a circle? Yeah, you go back and enjoy the boat. So it's just a picture of that boat. Well, the email helps remind you. You might have forgotten to look at the boat a second time. I see. to remind you, you might have forgotten to look at the boat a second time. I see.

So it's all about, so you go to the site, put your email in. Well, first you have to type the URL in, boatparty.biz. Well, that says you go to the site. Right. Which I think by saying go to the site, it's implied that I typed it in. Well, you might have searched for it on Google, but granted that would also have taken you to the site. I'm at the site. Right. I'm at the site. Right.

I'm at the site. Henry, have you been to the site? I have. It's a nice site, right? It's beautiful. Thank you. So let me do this. I want to ask Henry.

Sure. Okay. So Henry, you're on the site. Exactly. There's a picture of a boat. Are you on the site right now? Yes. On your phone?

Mm-hmm. Okay. She's like, the browser on his PlayStation Vita. So you put your email in the box. That's below the boat. Correct. Mm-hmm. We've established that. All right. You submit it, right? Yes. And then what happens? There's a confirmation email.

And then what happens from there? Well, what do you do next? That's what I'm asking you. Are you viewing the confirmation email? Yes. So what do I do now? Guys, I spaced out for a second. What are you guys talking about? Sounds like a website. I don't know. From the description, it sounded really cool is why I mentioned. I was just wondering. Has it been structured to fit my PlayStation Vita? It's mobile accessible.

Yeah, it's mobile friendly. Adding a fourth person to the booth has made it warmer. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. John Glazer, just kind of here in the studio. Henry, last name unavailable, youngest fan.

He's ready. Yeah. I like it when a listener tells us that if they ever get invited on the show as a guest, they've got their nickname ready. Because I'm glad that they've spent some time thinking about it. And also, I know that I pick the guests so I don't have to worry about them ever actually coming on to the show. You know what I mean?

People to rule out. Yeah. Well, no. I mean, I'm not saying I rule out. I mean, I rule out almost everyone in the world. Most people should not come on. But it's nice to know that there's some – there's sort of a ready reserve that I can take. Then I am rejecting them rather than – I know that they are prepared to come on.

But I don't need them because that's how great shit is going for me. Sure. Well, I mean, Henry had it chambered, I think, because he's an actor and he knows about pre-work. Right. Marking your beats. Sure. I'm method acting this role. Sure.

Really? What would you say is your as if in this situation? It's as if you're appearing on one of your favorite podcasts. One of your favorite or your number one favorite? Number one favorite. That's what I like to hear. What's second? This kid's got a head on his shoulders.

I was worried about him in the last segment. I thought he might fall into smoking cigarettes and riding skating boards. But now I know that this kid is a solid citizen. This isn't the kind of kid who's going to call in sick to his pizza job just because he wants to go to a Coors party. Thank God. T-G-I-F.

Am I right? Yeah. Am I right, you guys? Let's take some telephone calls. Brian? Jordan, Jesse, go. This is Patton, Ohio. I have a momentous occasion.

I'm sitting in the Taco Bell drive-thru lane. The car in front of me has a bumper sticker. It's the only bumper sticker on the car. It says, you look like shit

because you eat shit. Eat proper. Taco Bell. It doesn't say Taco Bell. I've lost it. But they are at the Taco Bell. They're in the drive-thru at the Taco Bell with a scolding bumper sticker. Do you think these people are just Del Taco?

Like, they're trying to ward you off Del Taco. Yeah. You'd think it would be better because Taco? Like, they're trying to ward you off Del Taco. Yeah. You'd think it would be better because it's a Southern California regional chain. Sure. And Southern California is a more taco-y place than is, say, Madison, Wisconsin, where I'm sure there's a couple of Taco Bells. How many Taco Bells are we talking about? Three? Four? Two.

Two Taco Bells. Is there a good one and a bad one? There's a far away one and a close one. Okay. I say go to the close one. It's not worth the drive. Yeah. Agree. Agree.

Right? I saw a car with a bumper sticker on it that just said, opinions! Exclamation mark. And I thought to myself, you know, that's cute. And then I noticed there was another bumper sticker on the car. That had an opinion on it? Yeah. You can't make fun of yourself. You can't have it both ways.

Yeah. That car's asking to be rear-ended. Absolutely. I rear-ended that shit. I fucking gunned it and took it straight into that. You will take the hit on your insurance on principle. 100% worth it. Bad news.

Guy had a dashboard cam. Oh, boy. I know. It's a good thing the meteor hit right when you rear-ended them. Yeah. So you just blame the meteor. Yeah. Okay. Next call, Brian. Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. Hi, Go. Hi, guest. This is Erin calling

from Toronto with, I suppose, a momentous occasion. I was having kind of a terrible day, and I was riding the subway, and at one point it comes out and rides over a bridge so that it's not so much a subway as an overway. And I looked down through the window, and there's a park, which was pristine with new-fallen snow, onto which one person had walked,

and they had walked around and around in the shape of an enormous phallus. I looked around, and I seemed to be the only person who had noticed it. So I feel like it was just for me. And I thought I'd share it with you guys because I thought you would appreciate it. Immortal power, plug it in, I guess. Have a great day. Bye. That's someone living the immortal power, plug it in lifestyle.

You're making snow dicks. You know what I mean? That sounds like a Craigslist, like Miss Connections. You, giant snow dicks. You know what I mean? That sounds like a Craigslist, like, missed connections. You, giant snow dick. You, made snow dick. Me, riding subway, no one else saw it. Clearly it was for me. How does the real one compare?

Coffee, question mark? Icy, question mark? Hey, you know what? You know who sent me a Twitter message? Hmm. Craig. From Craigslist? Yeah.

Wow. We're best friends now. What did he want? Really? He just... He wanted to know if you were 420 friendly. I'll just take another fucking call. I don't have anything better to say than that. Hey, Jordan. Destiny. I was just taking another fucking call.

I don't have anything better to say than that. Hey, Jordan. Destiny Ghetto. I'm calling from Brooklyn with a momentous occasion. I've been seeing a new guy for about two months. We're not labeling anything yet. We're taking it slow. And for Valentine's Day, we decided to go to Central Park,

the most romantic place in New York. And we were walking through the park after hours. It was dark. There was no one around. Super romantic. Marveling at the oasis of nature in this big concrete jungle. And we saw some raccoons scamper across the path. And we began to say, oh,

how beautiful. I've never seen raccoons in this urban setting before. And before we knew it, the raccoons had scampered up a tree and were totally fucking right there in front of us. And so we watched raccoons have sex on Valentine's Day and it was really romantic. Thanks, love the show. Bye. Isn't it supposed to be gay joggers having sex in Central Park? This could have been just two gay men with Zorro masks on. They said they'd never seen raccoons before.

Yeah, I mean, raccoons wear short shorts, right? Mesh tank tops? That is a really sweet story. It was a really fun story. I was feeling delighted the other day watching two squirrels. You know like when squirrels chase each other and they go and like that corkscrew up a tree? Like a vortex bottle. Sure.

You know. Sure. I was like, you know, that's great. I always love to see that. I take a minute and just enjoy those squirrels, corks growing up that tree. I'm wondering if I'm being delighted by a sexual assault. By a

by a animal sexual assault. Yeah, yeah. Like does, I mean, is one running because it's unwilling I wonder? And is that chase for sex? Do you know about the squirrel war? No, uh-uh. This is going on right now? Do you know about the squirrel war? No. This is going on right now.

Oh, no. In our cities and towns. Apparently, red squirrels and gray squirrels are at war. Wow. One of them is native to the United Kingdom. One of them is native to North America. But they've intermingled on boats in there. They come over on the crumpet boats.

Yeah, they do. The Thomas's English muffin vessels. The crannies, the nooks and crannies are hiding squirrels. Sure. Predatory squirrels. This is a serious situation. I mean, I don't want you guys to take this too lightly. This is heavy shit.

Fucking war between the squirrels. It's like the Civil War of squirrels. Yeah. Only instead of gray and blue, it's red and gray. It's still gray. It's very similar. Part of it is the same. Yeah.

Are the gray squirrels racist? No, but they do have blunderbusses. Oh, okay. And both types of squirrels have blunderbusses. And slaves. Yeah. Both squirrels are actually pro-slavery. They enslave chipmunks.

It depends which squirrel you ask what it's about. Some will say it's about slavery. Others will say it's about state sovereignty. You should have said nuts sovereignty. Some will say, no, never mind. Can I ask you guys a question about one call ago, the Dick call? Yeah. Am I weird for finding a Canadian accent kind of cute?

No, absolutely not. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I always enjoy hearing it. What does it suggest to you besides Degrassi Jr. High? Yeah. I don't know. I always I I I feel like I think of the Canadian as as laid back and fun. Really.

Yeah. I feel like I like think of the Canadian as 420 friendly 420 friendly. Yeah. But like low maintenance. Mm hmm. Just down to hang out friendly. Very polite. Polite. Yeah. I'm I'm. Yeah. But like low maintenance. Mm-hmm. Just down to hang out. Friendly. Very polite. Polite.

Yeah. I'm, yeah. But emotionally reserved, relatively speaking. I guess I don't have that association. I've had some Canadians emote to me. Really? Yeah. Were they drunk?

It was Mario Lemieux. Really? Yeah. No, number 66. Yeah. I complimented his Genesis game. And he just fucking broke down. Yeah, well, he knew that an NHLPA was way, way better.

Yeah, but the fighting is better in Mario Lemieux hockey. I don't know. If you have Ty Domi in NHL 95, you can do that punch thing until the guy falls down and then this sad pool of blood comes out of his head. The Mario Lemieux hockey gets close up. It's a whole other view. Really? It's like a mini game. Like the touchdowns in Tecmo Bowl?

Yeah, totally. Wow. That sounds tremendous. You weren't bored for any of this, Chuck? I'm not. What was your hockey game of choice in the 16-bit era? Joe Montana Sports Talk Football? No, it was the...

Oh, God. Damn it. I've talked about this several times. Blades of Steel? Blades of Steel. Yeah. Good, yeah. Face off.

Good, yeah. Fight. Blades of Steel was a really fun game. Awesome. Oh, my man. We played that all the time, and that was the best. Dude. Blades of Steel.

Video game hockey is fun as shit. Oh, totally, yeah. This is definitely one of the best video games. I haven't played a modern video game hockey. I think maybe the Genesis. They still have those? shit. Oh, totally, yeah. This is definitely one of the best video games. I haven't played a modern video game hockey. I think maybe the Genesis. They still have those? Yeah, oh, totally. No, they probably stopped with NHL 95, right?

Yeah, that's the definitive hockey game. Yeah. I think they still make, I think EA still makes it. They heard I got that, and then they're like, well, Jesse's got his. Shut it down. Yeah. It's like how there hasn't been any basketball games since Blazers versus Celtics in the NBA playoffs. Sure.

Do we have any more calls, Brian? One more call. Let's hear it. Hello, Jordan, Jesse, obsequious guest. It's not very obsequious. This is Andy. I'm calling from Auburn, New York, and I have a momentous occasion. I write the weekly op-ed column for the little newspaper here in Auburn.

A plus. And I have a loyal listener who's more like an internet troll, or not a listener, but a reader, sorry. And he left a comment on the online newspaper where he referred to me as a rubbish peddler, which was pretty cool. But then my wife decided as a Valentine's Day present to make me a T-shirt in big bold letters on the front saying rubbish peddler, which is my new title that I'm going to be going by. Thank you. Goodbye. That is such a great insult from the reader of a local paper.

Rubbish peddler? It's really great. What do you think his op-ed was about? I mean, probably maybe putting up a chain link fence around a dam. Can I tell you something about op-eds that I did not know recently? Until very

recently, like way too recently. I feel like I might have heard it on On The Media or something. The op-ed means opposite the editorial page. Oh, I didn't know that. I assumed ops stood for opinion. I'm just learning that now. Yeah.

I thought I was referring to op-ed from community. That's because that's all you teenagers care about. Fucking kids. Your communities, your PlayStation Vitas. Do you even know what a, when we talk about Genesis games, do you know what that is? It's old-timey video games. Old-timey. Yeah, they're steam-powered.

You turn a crank. Hand crank. Yeah, it's like an old Victrola record player. What are teenagers interested in these days? Yeah. Skateboards? Podcasts? No, that's not true.

That's not true. Not at all. Nope. Not my experience. Nope. You may be a bad judge. Yeah. I'm a pretty bad teenager.

You've really destroyed. You guys still like Pokemon though, right? Oh, yeah. No, that's more for tweens. Okay. Like sexy tweens? Yeah. Saucy tweens?

What type of tweens? Bodacious tweens? Jesse? Fat. Okay. I was saying bodacious to be nice. Oh, okay. Oh, that was a...

Okay. It's like jolly. Yeah. Okay. It's like jolly. Yeah. Okay. I'm always pretty blown away when it's brought to my attention that Pokemon is still popular. Is it really still popular? Yeah, totally.

It's like the most popular thing. What about Teenage... Not Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. What was those guys... The other thing that my brother liked where it's guys in suits doing karate? Power Rangers. Yeah yeah i don't know yeah power rangers still around suits not that i know it just sounds like business suits is that not what happens on am i misremembering you're thinking of nightline

you know the thing my little brother's into the guys in suits um power power rangers still around? Not that I know of. They're still around. They are? Yep. Really? How do you know this, Glazer? Because I have a son.

How old is your son? Almost seven. So he's in prime Power Ranger territory. He's in the Pokemon. He's in Power Rangers. We play video hockey. Really? For what console?

PS3. Okay. Yep. Pretty fun. Sounds pretty good. The easiest level, the easy controllers. Do you beat him? We3. Okay. Yep. Pretty fun. Sounds pretty good. Easiest level, the easy controllers. Do you beat him? We play same team. Oh, that's fun. Same team.

That's really fun. Can't go head to head yet. Right. Too devastating for me. Who's the center and who's the wing? Yeah, he has not figured out how to pass yet. It's pretty much me getting the puck, passing to him, and just watching him skate through all the guys

because there's no defense because it's on the easiest level. Right. It's hilarious. Is there still fighting? What's the fighting like? There is, but I just turn the fighting way down so it doesn't happen.

You don't want to learn violence from the sport of hockey. Not yet. I don't want to, yeah. We went to a real hockey game and there was a fight and I was just kind of like, I don't want them to see this. What kind of hockey game did you go to don't want to, yeah, we went to a real hockey game and there was a fight and it was just kind of like, ew,

I don't want them to see this. Do you go, what kind of hockey game do you go to? A New York Rangers game? It was a Rangers game. Rangers Flyers. So what are we looking at there?

Marc Messier? He's long gone. Patrick Waugh? Is that something? I should explain, the only hockey I'm familiar with is NHL 95.

Yeah, that was the golden age of video hockey. Anyway. What's your favorite teenage activity, Henry? What's something that we need to know about as people who appeal to a teenage demographic? What's going on? I am a very nerdy teenager. I do a lot of video games. What's your shirt?

What's that rocket on your shirt? This is a Maximum Fun t-shirt. Yeah, this is a MaximumFun.org t-shirt, my friend. It's pretty. I mean, that's, you know, not that I don't appreciate your enthusiasm, but that's wearing the band t-shirt to the concert, Henry. No, I'm sorry. If you've ever seen PCU.

I don't have much band experience. You've never seen PCU featuring David Spade and a fat Jon Favreau. Have you ever been to a rock and roll concert? I haven't. Never? What do you want your first rock and roll concert to be? Aerosmith, duh. You want to hear Love in an Elevator, every teen's favorite song.

Guys, it's Skrillex. Is it really Skrillex? No, I don't listen to much music. Okay. Too busy listening to Sweet Pod't listen to much music. Okay. Too busy listening to Sweet Pods. You just watch. Okay. Jamming out to Sweet Pods.

Only got so much ear space. This guy's favorite band is The Free Design, courtesy of Lightning Attic Records. Yeah. And Lee Strasberg acting lessons, right? You know what you should do? I think you should, do you listen to Risk? No. You should start listening to Risk.

You're just suggesting the most inappropriate things for them to listen to? Yes. I mean, yeah, I think Risk is more inappropriate than this. Yeah, that's true. But I mean, you know, this is the gateway drug. If this is pot, that's, you know, poppers. And honestly, it's

not a big distance between us and Risk. But you're right, it is higher. But just check out that interstitial music in Risk. Didn't get into some of those bands. I think they do a good job with that music, that interstitial music. Sure. You're going to need to get into some bands. Yeah.

If you ever want to meet Chicks and or Dudes for romantic purposes, you're going to need to know about some sweet bands. Let's start with Aerosmith. Joe Perry. I don't know. Can we talk about some really cool bands for a second? Sure. Bay City Rollers.

The Comets, of course. I'd say stay away from Bill Haley. Focus on their work without Haley. Just as the Comets. Joe Jackson, of course. Yeah. I mean, we've covered it, basically.

That's a pretty solid... The Comets. That's a pretty solid group of acts. Start there and see where it takes you. Yeah. And I mean, if you want to go in a more rock-oriented direction, Pat Boone has some cool albums you could check out. He is. I mean, beautiful voice. You know about Cardigan Rock, right? Mm-hmm. direction. Pat Boone has some cool albums you could check out. He is.

I mean, beautiful voice. You know about Cardigan Rock, right? Mm-hmm. That's Pat Boone and Weezer. Do they wear cardigans? Yeah. Oh, okay. That's why it's called that.

And they also play cardigans. Oh. Electric cardigans. Sure. They got popular 90s band, the Cardigans. They cover them. Yes. Known for their single, Love Fool.

Jesus Christ. This is really going down the drain. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you.

Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. John Glazer, the guest. Henry Blank, youngest fan. So, Henry, we're all going to want to head out to theaters. You're related to John Cusack's character from Gross Point Blank, right?

Yes. We're all going to want to head out to theaters to check out your movie Young Paul Dano. Close. Looper prequel. What's your goal? Are you doing pilot season right now? Yeah, I'm going out as much as I can. Sure.

Well, you got to get out there. You got responsibilities. You got your Magic the Gathering Club. Yeah. You got your... True story, actually. You got your Magic the Gathering club. Yeah. You got your – True story, actually. You got your – hey, all I can say is a guy I went to college with was totally in a Magic the Gathering club with Joseph Gordon-Levitt. And at the time it was like, hey, remember that guy from Third Rock from the Sun?

Now it's like, hey, remember that cinematic heartthrob? Yeah. So that's probably what's in your future. Yeah. That's huge. Yeah. I mean if you – you could have a JGL's in your future. Yeah. That's huge. Yeah, I mean, you could have a JGL-esque

career trajectory. Just stay with the magic. Are you a hoofer? No. Got a song in your heart? No. Then you'll never be JGL. I guess so.

Got some news to break to you, kid. You're fucked in the JGL department. John Glaser, March 7th, is the finale of your television program

Delocated yep it's available on Digital Versatile Disc as well people can watch and enjoy it not the finale

they're gonna have to watch that on Adult Swim right they can purchase it on DVD and the odds are you're gonna get a little you're gonna get a little

something out of that correct you know you get a nickel on that you got a quarter on that oh me personally I don't know you probably got about a nickel on that. You got a quarter on that. Oh, me personally? I don't know. You probably got about a quarter on that, right?

I don't know. You got a dollar? Should people send you a dollar? I think if you wanted, yeah. Just send me a dollar. Right. And then look for some clips online. Great.

Great. Well, problem solved. It's been a pleasure and an honor to have you on the show, John. Thank you for having me here. And, of course, it's been a pleasure. Not an honor. An honor is an overstatement. Sure.

You're just some teenager. Yeah, don't blow smoke up his ass, Jesse. Look, I'm not here to tell this kid he's some big shot just because he played young Paul Dano in the movie Jim the Horseman or whatever it was called. Paul Dano plays Jim. So in movies you can have a guy in the movie has a different name than the guy who's playing the guy. Did you know that, Henry? I have no idea what you're talking about. Yeah, well, you'll understand later.

Let's talk about periods too. What you read, an actor prepares. Let's talk about periods, too. What you read, an actor prepares. Henry, it has been a joy to have you here. I'm sorry that you enjoy our program so much, but it's very nice of you to visit. If there's anyone who's younger than Henry out there who wants to come visit. Please don't mention it.

Probably a bad idea. I mean, honestly. Wait five years. Yeah. Give it five. Yeah. I mean, I'm still uncomfortable. I don't want to have to talk to your parents about it. Convince your family to move to L.A. Get that

Dano role. Yep. And then we can talk. Are you going to learn to sing and dance? Are you taking a class? Fencing? I'll work on it. Horseback riding? Just for you. Can you ride a horse? No. What acting skills do you even have? Yeah. What movies can you possibly be in? You just lost so many roles.

I can't be a cowboy anymore. You're never going to play young Errol Flynn. Wow. Our theme music, Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. Brian Fernandez on the boards. Give us a call, 206-984-4FUN. 206-984-4FUN. I'm on Twitter, at Jesse Thorne.

Jordan's on Twitter at Jordan underscore Morris. We'll talk to you then with the hashtag, hashtag JJGO. Yeah. And we'll talk to you. We'll see you next time on Jordan, Jesse, GO.