Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 273: Wad Lord with Phil Elverum

Episode Date: April 29, 2013

Phil Elverum from the band Mount Eerie joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of fights in baseball, dominos, a game Phil made up on tour and Jesse getting banned from a thrift store.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Beautiful spring afternoon in Los Angeles, early spring. Baseball season, that means it's spring, right? Yeah. Vince Crowley's...

Ground rule double. A real ground rule double kind of day did you see this dude did you see this fucking baseball fight the other day i heard i read about the baseball fight i did not see video of the baseball fight can you describe it yeah this will be ancient news by the time this actually airs but um yeah well basically just this one guy on the dodgers threw a little close to this other guy, hit him on the upper arm. It was not headed to his head or anything. Hit him on the upper arm.

And this dude just sort of stepped out a couple steps. And the pitcher for the Dodgers said something and threw his glove on the ground. And throwing your glove on the ground, I guess in baseball that that's like taking off your gloves and in hockey means like, let's do this. Yeah. But no baseball players look right in a fight. Sure. There's no baseball player in the world for whom it is sort of normal

inappropriate activity to be engaged in fisticuffs. Right. I feel like you, you know, I, I, I've had some up close in fisticuffs. Right. I feel like you – I've had some up-close interactions with hockey players. Right. And these guys look like they came from a gladiator pen.

Yes. Like if you just put them in an octagon in little trunks, you would not be able to differentiate between them and ultimate fighters. Like these are guys who fight. They could go into the equipment room to grab a stick, accidentally grab a trident, and they would not notice. Right. That would be... Would not look weird. So we introduced our guest on the program.

He came here all the way from his rock and roll tour, which is taking him across the nation. Last stop, Santa Cruz, California, a city we know and love. He is the man behind Mount Erie and the microphones. Phil Elverum, how are you, sir? I'm good. Hello. We're happy to have you on the program.

Thank you. Did you see this baseball fight? No. And it's funny that, I mean, that's the beginning of the show, right? Yeah. I was like, I wonder if baseball is going to come up. I wonder if Jesse's going to go down one of his baseball rabbit holes. And it was just immediately.

So, baseball. Okay, so this is what happened. So the one guy throws his glove down, right? And what's amazing is you're watching it on the Dodgers channel. And the Dodgers announcer, Vin Scully, is 85 years old or 87 years old or something like that. Probably the greatest baseball announcer of all time. As much as I hate to say it as a Giants fan, it's true. And he says, like, he's headed out to the mound, you know, like in this sort of 1934 type way,

which is, I think, around when he started announcing Dodgers games. And so the one guy, they rush each other. I always remember, like, you know, driving with my dad growing up and him listening to the Dodgers games on the radio and thinking that Vince Scully was doing like an imitation of an old time voice. Yeah. Like it's like that old time voice that is so fun to do. But that's just his actual presentation. It's like a character Conan O'Brien would do in a desperate bid for attention. And so the one guy rushes the mound, Zach Grinke, the Dodgers pitcher, throws his glove down and like they run into each other like rams on an episode of Wild America.

Who's the other team? Jeez, I don't remember who the other dude even was. It was a guy on the Padres. Okay. Outfielder for the Padres, whose name escapes me at the moment. Big dude, much bigger than Zach Grinke. And so they run into each other like chest to chest. Zach Grinke apparently breaks his collarbone during the middle of this. And then they have this thing that happens when that happens, which is just everyone runs out onto the field, including guys in the bullpen,

which they're a football field's length away from the action. So they like they're like out of breath by the time they get. And it's like five minutes later and they and then everyone just sort of like. It's sort of like what I imagine the scene would be like in the pit just after a rock concert that had a really intense pit. Like everybody's already done. They're pushing each other around. And then people are like, oh, should I just go? Is there going to be an encore?

Sure. You know what I mean? Yeah. Right. The bench clearing brawl does seem like something that can be potentially awkward. Yeah. Well, because no one is brawling. That's the essential. Never in the history of baseball there have been like three fights where the bench is cleared and everyone was fighting.

Like effectively fighting? Like landing hits? Yeah, like landing hits. I mean, nobody's like karate kicking each other. Yeah. Yeah, like landing hits. Exactly. I mean, nobody's like karate kicking each other.

Yeah. Well, it sort of seems like if they ran a football field's length across the field and cleared the bench, that like they had to be very close to fighting just sitting there on the bench to be able to like harness that energy. And boom, they're running across the field like that's what they wanted to be doing all along, not baseball. They just want to be ready all along, not baseball. They just want, they're ready to go. I'm guessing kind of the kind of comedy sketch version of this, of a guy, you know, seeing the altercation on the mound, getting up, starting to run, getting winded, and then motioning for the beer guy to throw him a beer,

and then drinking the beer, and then keeping running. What was beautiful about this particular fight is that, you know, at some point, like the first guys out, it's like the base coaches and like these kind of guys, and they're just trying to pull the guys who are fighting apart, which is not too hard because most of these baseball fights, it's mostly like a, ooh, if I wasn't being held back right now type situation, right? And so they pull the main guys apart and then everyone else tries to look angry, but not get hit until such a time as they won't be embarrassed by going back to the dugout. Right? Yeah.

dugout right yeah and so after this has happened for a relatively long time in the case of this fight five minutes seven minutes everyone is going back to their dugouts and matt kemp the dodgers superstar outfielder matt kemp he was really he looked like he really wanted to hurt someone and in fact he tried to attack the guy on the Padres after the game. I've heard that. Yeah, that's the thing I read about, I guess, is that there was some sort of some sort of brawl by the buses. I think Matt Kemp is just, you know, like a 13 year old boy that's violent. You know, like what a 13 year old boy that's violent is like. Sure.

You know how someone might live their life and because they're a superstar athlete they never have to learn that it's not okay to do that so you're suggesting that matt kemp spends his weekends burning ants with a magnifying glass pretty much or or at least or at least going around like you're talking about my mom's you're not talking about my mom's are you yeah 30 year 30-year-old man. But, okay, so all of that happened. But as Moses was parting the Red Seas, as everyone was going back to their dugout, there was this amazing moment in the video. It's a long shot. And you see, you know, the grays going one direction and the whites going the other, you know, the home team and the road team.

They're headed back to their respective dugouts. And then this sort of little guy called Jerry Hairston Jr., he said that he heard someone on the Padres joking about Grinke getting hurt. And he just flies across the field from the dugout. Like, everyone's going back the opposite direction. Everyone's almost completely back in the dugouts. From the dugout. Like, everyone's going back the opposite direction. Everyone's almost completely back in the dugouts.

And then you just, for no reason at all, see this one guy just jump out and fucking book it towards the Padres' dugout, ready to kick some ass. And the whole thing starts over again. But even the second time, it's no less pathetic. It's just, in 19, They have all those bats. I know. That's the thing. They start whipping bats at each other. Yeah, seriously.

In 19... I want to say 1962, but it might have been like 1964. There was a famous brawl between the Giants and the Dodgers that involved someone hitting Juan Marichal in the head with a bat. Or Juan Marichal hitting someone in the head with a bat.

I can't remember. I only remember that it involved Juan Marichal in the head with a bat or Juan Marichal hitting someone in the head with a bat. I can't remember. I only remember that it involved Juan Marichal. And, um... Jordan, do you know about baseball stuff? No. Does it be a part of your life forever? No. We've been friends for a long time. Yeah. No, I know, but, like,

you know about baseball. He's a Hall of Famer, Juan Marichal. I've never heard of him we might get some out of juan marichal but it doesn't i mean it's just the name of the guy yeah yeah sure this isn't specifically to juan marichal type information no i know but um it's in a series of baseball deeper baseball references are i have some let's talk about tris speaker let's talk about baseball let's talk about whitey ford okay let's talk about baseball. Let's talk about Whitey Ford. Okay.

Let's talk about Van Lingle Munga. There was a period when I was like second grade to fourth grade where baseball card collecting was, you know. Was that the early 1960s? Yeah, it was in the early 60s. Well, then I don't understand why you don't know who Juan Marichal is. But all those names are just like somewhere in my brain, like not, you know, Don Mattingly or whatever. The names are just like lodged there forever. Don Mattingly was involved in this altercation.

Not the one in the early 60s, the one between the Dodgers and the Padres. He's the manager of the Dodgers now. Oh, okay. Yeah. He doesn't have that sweet mustache anymore. It's a circle of life. Yeah, it is amazing how those, you know, there's the kid stuff that you keep up with. There's the kid stuff that you keep up with. There's the kid stuff that you take into adulthood.

And then there's the stuff that you left, but it is just like hanging out there. So if I talk about Don Mattingly, it's like if you talk to me about Slammers. What's Slammers? No, probably not. That's a part of Pogs. Oh, right. Yeah, no, I think I was too old for that. I'm going to be 35 pretty soon. So I don't know what my thing is. Yeah, I was definitely on the top age range of pogs.

I think I was probably 13 or 12 or 13 when pogs came out. Like too old for pogs. Yeah, I mean, at a certain point. I mean, I'm not too old for Pog, pineapple orange guava juice. No, that's timeless. But their attendant milk bottle cap game. Sport. Yeah.

The thing about Pogs that stressed me out as a kid was that, like, I am, you know, I am maybe the most, you know, afraid of confrontation person that I know. And I liked the collecting of pogs. And I liked the talking about them. But they're weapons. Well, I mean, the gambling portion of it made me uncomfortable. Like, guys, can't we just enjoy pogs? Like, why does this have to be high stakes? Let's lower the stakes.

Your mom dated a long series of hollow foil pogs, and several of them were alcoholics. Right, yeah. That's what stressed her out. Yeah, my mom had a whirlwind romance with a body glove slammer. Have you ever enjoyed a competitive activity, Jordan? What's an example? You like to play fighting video games? Yeah, yeah.

Well, I mean, I played. We overestimate or we maybe oversell my ignorance to sports on this. Like I played t-ball and soccer as a kid and stuff. So you know lots of big t-ball players. Yeah, yeah. Like I really know t-ball. You know, Ryan Christian, Eddie Moray. The greats.

These were all kids play. Yeah, but I don't disenjoy. I think it's when there's like high stakes that it makes me nervous, when someone can actually lose money or things. Like really sweet pogs. Yeah, like sweet pogs. I mean, some of those pogs were costing in the $5 range, and if you lost it, yeah. Well, what about competitiveness? Like, you know, if you find yourself in a ping pong game or, like, pig, you know, shooting a basketball,

some people just get, like, way too into it right away. And then some people are like, I don't care about this at all. I'm just going to throw the ball. Or, like, do you have that aversion to competition so much that – Yeah, I don't want anyone to get emotional about it. I just want everyone to just have fun. Yeah, and then one dude like takes his shirt off and is just like yelling. Oh, yeah.

No, if a dude takes his shirt off, I'm out of there. I'm going to go do a solo activity. You know, we've got the MaxFun Rocket softball season about to start. Right. This is going to be our first ever MaximumFun.org softball team. And the first time I've participated in a competitive sport since I was 16 years old. I'm terrified. Oh, you know, it's funny.

I have a group of friends who I've been going to the batting cages with. What? That's like a weekend activity that we do. You've been going to the batting cages? I've been totally going to the batting cages. It's really That's like a weekend activity that we do. You've been going to the batting cages? I've been totally going to the batting cages. It's really fun. Yeah, no shit. Yeah.

That's like the funnest thing in the world. Oh, batting cage is great. I am disappointed that the fun center that the batting cage is attached to doesn't have very good video games. Because I may be- Yeah, well. Like a baseball, like a nice batting baseball game. Yeah, right. I want to go in and play, like a nice batting baseball game. Yeah, right.

I want to go in and play the virtual version of batting cage. I want to play Namco's cage party. Batman. Namco's cage party is a different game, Jordan. Yeah. Right. Yeah. It's more sensual, more tactile.

Batting cages, if you know what I mean. Right, right. Jordan, if you – when you go to the batting cage, what are we talking about? Slow pitch softball, fast pitch softball, or baseball? Oh, I started out slow pitch softball. I'm very comfortable in that zone. I went a little bit faster when I tried a baseball speed and was very afraid. It's scary as shit, right?

I think I have delicate hands. Well, you do. I mean, let me see your hands. You have nice, I mean, they're very soft. They're a little eczema ravaged, which I thought would help, honestly. I honestly thought maybe the eczema would help me grip the bat or, you know,

like scales. That's why some of the most successful hitters are lizard men. Right, exactly. That's why on the the most successful hitters are Lizardmen. Right, exactly. That's why on the Sinister Six softball team, the Lizard always... I have to say, when I played Little League, which I played until

we ran out of Little Leagues for me to be in, I played third base, which is the closest position to home to the batter. And I, you know, I mean, I batted. And I played every year from when I was six or seven until I was 16. So, you know, 10-ish years.

I never stopped being afraid of the ball. The ball is terrifying. It can hit you in the face. I played Little League for one year and I, and I was benched the whole time. I had this horrible coach, which I don't think is legal. I think you have to include all the kids. But I was pretty bad. So I only went up to bat once, and then I got hit in the head immediately.

Oh, no. Oh, jeez. Oh, no. Walked, and then I got thrown out. Yeah, and then that was the end. All the teams that I played with over the years were bad. You know, some of them worse than others. But one year we made the city playoffs.

You know, we played in a city parks league. One year we made the city playoffs. And this kid that I was just talking about on Jordan Jesse Go not that long ago. This kid, Philip, who was a Seventh-day Adventist or a Jehovah's Witness or something. He was our best pitcher, and he had pitched already, and he was in left field, I think. And I was playing second. And he threw just an absolute bean to me at second base.

One hopped, it hit a pebble, and, and like took a crazy bounce, smashed me in the face and gave me a concussion. And like that was the end of the only playoff game I ever got to play in. It was so pathetic. Did you have to like leave the field? Did you have to go to the hospital? Yeah, I had to leave the field and go to the hospital. They were like showing me fingers and like, no, we ended up losing probably because I wasn't there.

I was the central figure. I mean, without me, there's no esprit de corps. So you were the mascot. Yeah. And now that I think back on it, I should have taken off the mascot suit when I got put into the game. Sure. It seems like a bad idea at second base. Were you playing baseball or were you just racing other mascots?

Oh, you know what? They just rubbed your hump. It's funny you bring that up because I always thought of myself as the mascot. But now that I think of it, my team's name was not the Polish sausages. And I was wearing a Polish sausage outfit. You know what? I think I was just engaged in a sausage race around the outfield of Miller Field in Milwaukee. That sounds like, that makes more sense.

And when, and I, my vague memory of Philip throwing that, throwing that throw from left field, I think it might've just been a battery from an enraged and drunken Midwesterner. Could be. It was battery day. It was expired D battery day at the park. Speaking of severe teens, the batting cage is full of them, and it always feels to me like shit's about to go down. Oh, yeah. I always feel like it's 16-year-olds mad-dogging each other.

What kind of place is this batting cage in? It's like a fun center. It's got a mini golf out back and a little arcade. Are we talking about, like, an industrial suburban setting? Yeah, it's kind of Burbank-ish. Uh-huh. So, yeah. Uh-huh.

Paintball? There's no paintball. Laser tag? I don't think there's a laser tag. There's some weird thing in the arcade, which is like some sort of, I don't want to say a dome, but that's all I can describe it as, is a weird dome inside the arcade. Thunder dome. Yeah, it's a thunder dome.

And where, you know, kids fight for water and gas. Tina Turner's there. Tina Turner's there. It's a hunger game. Yeah. Tina's Thunderdome and Fun Center. That's what she did when she retired from touring. Yeah.

Open up Fun Center's lucrative. But in this thing, you have to make it from one end of the dome to the other and avoid, like, lasers? Like that scene at the first Resident Evil movie where they have to go over all the lasers? Or the trailer of that movie with Catherine Zeta-Jones. You know what I'm talking about? Where she has to go through the lasers like Cat Burglar style? Or in so many movies, like Tom Cruise.

But I mean the important one is the one with Catherine Zeta-Jones that she's going through. Right now, across this country, of our tens of thousands of listeners, one in four is going, oh, my God, yes, that trailer with Catherine Zeta-Jones. I think that the 90s really were a, you know, the laser security scene was as in vogue as it's ever going to be. People figured out how to crack it, how to do the extreme yoga and the timing and the dancing one. Isn't that like oceans? Beside that, I think just the fact that criminals started carrying talcum powder, that they could go, and then you could see the lasers. Because if you're repelling, you need the talcum powder to climb it. Right, you need that for your...

You don't want to chafe. You don't want to chafe while you're repelling. You don't want to end up with lizard hands. Yeah, exactly. I've been rappelled a few times. It just... We'll help you. It hurts.

We'll help you in the batting cage. We'll not help you when stealing a gem. Do you get really sore from the batting cage, Jordan? A little bit, yeah. God, I want to go to the batting cage. Yeah, it's really fun. I got a text from home from my small town I live in, and my friend says, the Hallmark store went out of business

and it appears to have reopened as an indoor archery range. So I'm so excited to go home. Take that, Kathy. It's pretty small. Just like this small strip mall location is now an archery. It's called shoebox ass kickings. Yeah. Swoomp. Yeah. Your targets are all the shit that they used to sell at the Hallmark store.

Right, yeah. Where do you live, Phil? It's called Anacortes. It's Washington. Washington State. Yeah. Your targets are all the shit that they used to sell at the Hallmark store. Yeah. Where do you live, Phil? It's called Anacortes. It's Washington. Washington State. Where in Washington State are we talking about? Is this a rural spot, a suburban spot?

Neither of those. It's a small town. It's in the San Juan Islands. It's very beautiful. It's, yeah, right tucked in there, almost in Canada. Very vacation-y and retirement-y. It seems like, I mean, you say retirement-y, it seems like a place where all of your neighbors would be other guys in indie rock bands. How come? That's not sustainable.

It's not a functional community. Yeah. Well, like, to be fair, they take turns working at the post office. Sure. Oh, man, that sounds, you're describing a cool utopia. A.C. Newman bags your groceries. It's possible, but I don't know. You don't know of any others?

Oh, no, there's friends around that play music and stuff. Yeah, for sure. But not everyone in town. It's a real place with assholes and everything. Well, I mean, yeah. I mean, I don't like the, I mean, if there are assholes and everything? Well, I mean, yeah. I mean, I don't like the... I mean, if there are assholes, I don't like the idea of them training at this archery range. Yeah, they gotta hone their skills. Yeah. You don't want assholes

with bow skills. Yeah, it's true. That could turn ugly. How much of the time do you spend on the road touring? Probably like two months out of the year not all at once it's not very much at all it seems that way but it starts yeah that's not a sustainable way to live maybe it's as i get older it starts to feel like okay i don't my home is falling apart or like i'm

you know i forget how to do basic grocery shopping and cooking things like be a human living in a place so i'm trying to scale it back but i still really like it when you tour do you tour a car a van a bus it's different every i have a regular band it's always a different collection of people so yeah i'm always trying to play the songs differently so i have different people this tour is with a van i parked a van downstairs here we met two of your bandmates who came in with you very nice yeah it's but yeah i don't have a usual way sometimes i tour alone and in a pickup with a mattress in the back really yeah a camper shell yeah yeah camper shell of course just raw, park it downtown.

We were talking about where you guys are playing when you're in town, and you are playing at a place called The Smell here in L.A., which is a little bit rowdy. Are you concerned about rowdiness? No. In fact, last night we played in Santa Cruz at the Crate Place, and it seemed like before the show it was like, okay, this is going to be a tough one. I'm going to get ready to fight people. They were out of sweet crepes. They only had savory crepes.

No, it's just like it's a bar. And the bar is 10 feet from where the stage area is, which is not a stage. It's just like a part of the floor. It's the egg crate you stand on. Yeah. I wish. Egg crate would be nice. They just winch you up a couple feet.

But it was fine. So, yeah, I'm not concerned about rowdiness. There's – over the years, I've developed tricks to, like, trick people into paying attention. Oh, like – I mean, not to ask you to, you know, reveal your secrets, but I'm kind of curious as to that. When you have – Jordan. Yeah. He tricks his dick out. Tricks of the – Oh. Straight up nudity. I thought you'd you to reveal your secrets, but I'm kind of curious as to that. Jordan, he tricks his dick out.

Tricks his dick out. I thought you'd been to his show. Well, I was saying also before we started, I saw Phil in college when he was still the microphones. And now you're calling your project these days Mount Erie. So I don't remember the microphones having any dick whip outs. Yeah, it was there. It's oh okay yeah it's like all the secret messages the shining it's like you don't consciously register it but it's there so i just want to tell you i have a subtle dick too i understand i should have known shouldn't have set that one up. Like a lime Perrier.

Just subtle. Just a little. Refreshing. Yeah, just a hint. Just a little kick. Vaguely European. Just a hint of dick. A pinch.

Just a pinch. Okay, so Phil, what are the secrets to getting people to pay attention to you? Oh, well, it's different. It's very much about feeling the vibe in the room. But I've noticed that I just talk for a really long time because people, I think, get rowdy and are talking with their friends because they don't realize that they're in a room. You know, that the people making all this noise on the band on stage is actually humans there that can hear them. So if I just stop. I just think it's one of those internet-enabled jukeboxes.

Seriously, yeah. Our brains are changing. Yeah, just talk. Talking really helps. I just start doing a monologue, freestyling, just prattling on about whatever. And people gradually will be like, wait, no music is happening

and this guy is just talking at me about dumb bullshit. What's happening? And eventually... Or sometimes, yeah, no music is happening and this guy is just talking at me about dumb bullshit. What's happening? And eventually, or sometimes, yeah, just silence. Although that can backfire. That's a gamble. But yeah, just stopping doing anything. People start to hear their own voice. Yeah, well, anyways, I said to the guy.

And then they get embarrassed. You're not watching Breaking Bad? God, I am so sorry. I sound like a whole dick. Text Tim. You know, I think, personally, I think you wouldn't have such rowdy audiences if Tim would just fucking show up on time. Yeah, seriously. You've got to text him.

Yeah, you've got to text him. He's like half an hour late. You know what you do with Tim is like you just tell him that the thing starts a half an hour before it really does. You've got to kind of trick him. And then he'll show up on time. You've got to treat him like a child. Yeah. I mean, you know, we're all just running on Tim time.

We all know Tim. We all got a Tim. Do you have a, do, what is your, okay, so what's your life like when you're not on tour? I put out my own records. So I end up having to do a lot of work around that. Like, you know, email basically. Mailing. Yeah, seriously.

I go to the post office every day. Are the people at the post office your friends? Oh, man, my only friends. When I go to the post office in my neighborhood, this is where I'm at. The people at the post office in my neighborhood ask me how Marc Maron's doing. That's the kind of fame I've achieved in my neighborhood.

I've tried to be kind of like, I don't really want people in my town to know what I do because it's like being at a family reunion and trying to explain this weird thing to an uncle. God, I couldn't sympathize with you more. So when I go to the post office, I think most of the people when I'm shipping LPs, they assume that I'm selling vintage vinyl on eBay or something. Or like maybe they don't even know about eBay because it's mostly older people. And I've been going there for, I don't know, eight years now or something. And some of them know that I go on tour. They'll notice that I go away for a while or come back. Or I have these big kind of bursts of when a record comes out.

But you don't admit that you went on tour. You just tell them that you were in a coma. Kind of. Sometimes I let a little thing slip. We were playing. Oh, yeah. No, we went to Japan or whatever. We got to play a show.

It was great. But I don't know. I'm so hesitant to give too much information, just not because of privacy issues or anything, but just to avoid awkward conversations. Yeah, for sure. I don't like having to explain what a podcast is to people. I'm sure. It's very stressful. Yeah, for sure. I don't like having to explain what a podcast is to people. I'm sure. It's very stressful.

Yeah, I bet. I'm so – the entire reason that I signed up with NPR for Bullseye is just so that I could just be like, oh, I do a show for NPR. Yeah, right. Done. The end. End of conversation. When it was PR, I was like, oh, it's this thing that's like NPR, blah, blah, blah,

and I'm a podcaster, and I do a show about my dick. It's so much easier to just lie. Yes. To be like, you know, I change oil. Yeah, is that why you always carry that sledgehammer around you? I'm a sledgehammer. I'm a donkey kong.

Or you're fighting Donkey Kong specifically. Was that the ape's name? The ape's name is Donkey Kong. Oh, okay. Protecting you all from Donkey Kong. But the plumber has the hammer and he goes after Donkey Kong? Yeah, well, he's not trying to hit Donkey Kong. Donkey Kong's throwing the barrels.

The hammer smashes the barrels. He's trying to rescue the princess. Yeah. So technically, if you're carrying a sledgehammer, people are going to assume that you're a princess rescuer. And that I hate barrels. They've had to do some revision on the Donkey Kong storyline because Mario started out in Donkey Kong as Jumpman. He was just Jumpman and then became a popular character. And later on that became michael jordan

wait is that the same that jordan logo thing isn't that also called jump man that's called jump man yeah yeah how confusing it's very well you know i think by that time mario was mario and has not been calling himself jump man i'll never switch to mario i'm calling him do you think jump man was like his ellis name? Right. He's like too ethnic. We'll change it to Mario, the less ethnic. Jumpman Mario. Yeah. Jumpman.

So they have, you know, and then, you know, Mario got involved. You know, his thing is saving the princess and Mushroom Kingdom. And they have since remade Donkey Kong games or done other Donkey Kong games. But they just have to say that the girl he's saving is his friend. Oh. It can't be the princess, and he can't be romantically interested in her. It's just his friend. Hmm.

Why can't he be romantically—because Luigi got involved? Well, no, because we don't want to think about Mario as being— Do you think she fucked Luigi? As cheating on Princess Peach. Oh, man. Because that's kind of the timeless love. Wait, there's multiple princesses? No, no, this other girl who Donkey Kong kidnaps

is not a princess. She's just his friend. She's just a woman. Why don't they just say it's before she became princess? Well, that would fuck up the timeline. It's a prequel. Yeah. Yeah, I guess they could say that.

Can you explain how John Leguizamo is involved in all this? Yes, I can. Not at all. Dennis Hopper, on the other hand. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, You're looking for a little something sweet to spice up your sex life or you're looking for something to annihilate your butthole. Babe, got it. Use the code BOYDETECTIVE to get 20% off, which I think some of our lady and homosexual gentleman listeners will enjoy using.

Yes, hopefully you're already used to incorporating the phrase boy detective into your jacking off. It's all online at extremerestraints.com from basically from stuff that anybody would want to stuff that real enthusiasts would want. Yeah, it's a very cool site, user-friendly,

extremerestraints.com. Go there. Yeah, and use that code BOYDETECTIVE. Also on the program, Marin is a sponsor of this week's program. Marin is our friend Mark Marin's new television program on IFC. Debuting May 3rd at 10 p.m. That's Friday, May 3rd. My birthday. That's a fun way to remember it.

Yeah. It's a really cool show. It's sort of a fictionalized version of his life. So it's like he goes and does the podcast. He's got the cats. He's got the girlfriend. His dad is Ed Asner. The usual.

Other great guest stars on the show include Judd Hirsch, Gina Gershon, Aubrey Plaza, and Adam Scott. Nothing on the Jumbotron this week, but if you want to get up on the Jumbotron, go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. We'll make your announcement. $100 for a personal announcement. $200 for a commercial announcement. We'll do back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Phil Elvrum, blizzard of negativity.

It's not. It's a misnomer. I like it, though. I like the vibe. I used to play dominoes a lot on tour. It was our tour game, and we all had domino names, and that was my winning nickname. What are some other domino names? Who else was in your crew? Man, Chili Weeds. We had Bliss. Chili Weeds. My dad had this obscure World War I era nickname that he saw on a grave once.

You guys sound like a pretty tough domino crew. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, the names, you know, they're meant to be intimidating. Did you like if you would see a Chinese checker crew on the street, would you fuck them up? No. I would love to play with people who actually know how to play dominoes. You should play with my wife.

My wife, when we were in college, did a semester in Cuba. And in Cuba, there are three primary activities. One is whoremongering. There's a lot of prostitution in Cuba. Number two – And your wife got tired of that really quick. Yeah. Number two is – well, I mean it's also just – it's also a tough situation for a white lady to be in in terms of going out.

I imagine. And getting hit on. She actually had to, let's say, take a guy out while she was in Cuba. Sure. Which is to say, knee him in the balls and jam his nose into his head. Which didn't kill him, but could have. Yeah. But anyway, on to a more positive element. his nose into his head, which didn't kill him, but could have. But anyway, on to a more positive element of her experience in Cuba.

So there's not that much to do in Cuba, especially if you don't have any money. And so the things that she did when she spent her semester in Cuba were drink rum, which is very inexpensive there, and play dominoes. And she came back like basically an 85-year-old Cuban man in a Juayberra. Oh, and smoke cigars. The cigars are very inexpensive there and very high quality. So all she and her friends that went on this trip with her did every night, oh, and eat ice cream. They have this kind of ice cream that you can get trip with her did every night. Oh, and eat ice cream.

They have this kind of ice cream that you can get. It costs like a penny. Huh. How is it different than? The ice cream? It costs a penny. Socialist. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Government subsidized. Sure. This ice cream. So for a penny, you can get a scoop of ice. I mean, it's terrible ice cream from what my wife explained to me. But it doesn't matter because all of – everything there besides basically fruit is terrible because it's a communist – very poor communist country. But it's ice cream. I mean even terrible ice cream is still ice cream.

And so they would just get ice cream drink and smoke cigars they have all cuban you know it's a socialist country so they have all their own government owned soda brands so you would buy like cuban government brand cola to drink with your rum and just everyone would smoke cigars get wasted and play dominoes and my wife came back like like a shark, only with dominoes. A domino shark, I guess. I couldn't ever figure out how to involve money, like gambling, in it. Isn't that like the central... Probably, yeah. But we just never, like... We were just playing it.

Were you just looking for something to do? For glory. Yeah, I mean, that's what tour is like. It's boring. You know what I recommend? Bridge. Yeah? Pinnacle.

Well, we've been playing chess now and then also some dice games. But yeah, same. Just shooting crabs. Yeah. I like the idea of just a bunch of indie rock dudes and ladies in the alley behind a club. Yeah. Just fucking shooting dice. Well, actually, we did develop a game.

I should release it here on your podcast. Oh, great. It's in development. yeah just fucking shooting dice well actually we did develop a game i should i should uh release it here on your podcast oh great it's in development so we haven't worked out all of the rules but it's called wad lord and it's based on a wad of cash that happens on tour you know you're selling merch or whatever and so different people contribute to the communal wad and one of them you, you need at least three, I guess, and at least three people. And one of them is designated as the WOD Lord. And they wear a long white beard and a visor. And they... This sounds like it might be a good Kickstarter project.

Yeah, I think so. Put together a little kit. Maybe I shouldn't be launching it now, but whatever. It's a good place to build buzz. You're building buzz. Building buzz, right. Yeah. The WOD Lord is the. You're building buzz. I'm building buzz right now. The Wadlord is the only one that knows how much money is in the Wad. And it's everyone else who has contributed.

They know how many bills they have contributed and what denominations, but they don't know. What everybody else contributed. Yeah. It's the most basic game, actually. I don't need to explain it very long. You're trying to guess how much money is in the wad. But the thing is, you get the money if you get closest to it. And it could be like $500.

Is part of the wadlord's duty to taunt you? No. The wadlord is basically just this omnipresent, all-knowing, all-seeing. Okay. Like a godhead. Godhead, yeah. You might meet the wadlord if you did some salvia. Yeah, you might.

But so, yeah, if you contribute like a $100 bill, then you know – that kind of – you're the one that knows that there's – It's in the neighborhood. There's more than $100. Yeah, exactly. that there's more than $100. Whereas other people might guess that it's less than $100. Yeah, they guess it's like $18. Sure. And you're like $175. Yeah.

But then if you lose it, then it's a bigger risk. I mean, you can afford that kind of thing. You're the front man. Yeah, sure. You're from this operation. Everybody else, they're just side men. They're basically on the dole. There's a lot of flaws to

this game. Like strategically. I see none. But I love how raw it is. Just like exchanging cash. Being like a pile of money. Who knows this? I also like that it has costumes involved with it too. Well, because that's we couldn't figure out how to market it.

We thought, like, you don't need anything to play this game. You just need to know how it's played. You would sell just a giant box, maybe like a treasure chest that has a real key that opens. Yeah, you have a beard and then a card that says, guess how much money there is. Yeah, that's the rules. Guess how much. Put on beard. And a money clip maybe okay nice

embossed i'd like to see a range of products wad kit basic wad kit advanced oh expansion there are yeah variations on the game there's wild wad and that's where different people there's no limit wad and wild wad is just the same thing but in Colorado. Well, if you want to like maybe follow the risk model, you guys can release a future version, WOD 2050. And then, you know, the WOD Lord is also a cyborg. And also the money is like plastic. What about Ultimate WOD where the WOD Lord is black? Ultimate Spider-Man is black, right?

Oh, yeah. I think that Nick Fury is black in the Ultimate Universe. I thought Nick Fury was always black. No, he wasn't because he had that black and white hair. Yeah. He had that sort of Bride of Frankenstein hair, right? Yeah, in the Ultimate Universe he is. The Ultimate Spider-Man, I think, has been black before. There's multiple Ultimate Spider-Mans?

Yeah, because they got the Black Spider-Man when Peter Parker died. I don't know too much about... Peter Parker is dead? I don't know too much about... We're exiting my Spider-Man knowledge, so I don't want to get people mad at me, but yes. Remember when Spider-Man...

In a certain universe. Remember when Spider-Man had a Black Spider-Man suit? Yeah, I do. You know why? It was from space. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it. From space. Just to blend in. Hey, Spidey fans.

Remember when your neighbor, friendly neighborhood web slinger had a space suit? Bet you don't. Then remember when that guy bought the Mark McGuire home run? What's that from? That's with the guy from Spider-Man. The Spider-Man guy who made the toys and invented Spawn. Oh, Tommy Farland. Then he sunk all his money into home run balls.

Wow. He spent like $3 million on home run balls. That's a solid investment, huh? Those all increase in value as Mark McGuire becomes more beloved by the day. I bet if you – oh, just a quick thought. I mean I bet if you spend all this money on like someone's home run ball and then they turn out to be a giant asshole. Like I bet you're super bummed. You got to do your research.

Yeah. I wish you could – I would like to – I think that all of these types of purchases should have to come directly from the guy who's associated with the thing. So if you want a Barry Bonds home run ball, you got to go over to Barry's house and talk him out of it. Or go underneath his laser security system. Bring your talcum powder. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Hey, everybody. My name is Dave Shumka.

And I'm Graham Clark. And we are the hosts of a show called Stop Podcasting Yourself right here on the MaximumFun.org network. We're the first ever Canadian podcast to win a Canadian Comedy Award for Best Podcast. I think we went with that too early. I think we seem braggy. It's a weekly comedy show, a very easygoing chat between Dave, myself, a guest, and we'll talk about things

that we've overheard during the week, and also Hulk Hogan. Stop podcasting yourself. Head over to MaximumFun.org to download an episode today. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Oh, Phil L. from Wizard of Chaos.

I was wondering why it was getting so crazy in here. Yeah, because the Wizard of Chaos is here. That's me. Yeah. I got banned from the thrift store. Oh, my God. What did you do? I went to the thrift store, first of all.

First and foremost, I went to the thrift store. Right. It'd be a real shame if you had never been there but were banned. Just based on reputation. I bought just a big pile of baby clothes. Buy most of the baby's clothes at the thrift store. I bought just a big pile of baby clothes. Buy most of the baby's clothes at the thrift store. And we happen to have a thrift store near our house that has a lot of kids' clothes.

Yeah. Makes sense. And so I go buy the kids' – I probably bought 10 pieces, 12 pieces. And I also bought a telephone and two softball bats. Because I ran into a nice telephone. I thought it would be great for the office here. Sure. You can pick that up.

Practical. You know what I mean? They charged me $5.99 for it. I wasn't happy about that. Yeah. It's a little much. I thought $3.99, but whatever. And then there was a couple softball bats there. I said to myself, well, shit.

I got a softball team. I'm going to need a couple of bats. So I bought those. And I had one bag, one big, you know, those kind of giant bags. They'll give them to you at like Target or something where there's no handles. It's a plastic bag and it's like three feet deep. You know, and the whole side is printed. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Yeah, yeah. Like a huge shopping bag. Right. But it doesn't have a handle. So you kind of have to hold it like a bank robber right yeah i was gonna say no matter what you do you look homeless yes you look like a homeless guy fleeing or well especially if it's full of secondhand children's clothing sure and one is full of baseball bats so i had one bag full of in my left hand i had one bag completely full of baby clothes. In my right hand, I had the most awkward bag ever, which at the bottom of it had a telephone like a – you know, like the kind of telephone that came from the phone company in 1970.

You know, like a big heavy handset and a rotary dial and the whole nine yards and two softball bats sticking out the top. And so it was the most awkward bag ever. And I check out, you know, there's like maybe two or three checkout people there, a couple security guards. I'm walking out the door and the security guard says, can I see your receipt? And I said, oh, it's at the bottom of the bag, thinking that would be the end of it. So I just said, it's said the bottom of the bag. I just,

you know, and he's like, well, I need to see your receipt. And I'm like, I'm not going to like go through, I'm not going to dig everything out of the bag. It was at the bottom of the bag with the softball bats and the telephone.

I'm like, I'm not, that's not who I am. Sure. I paid for these items. I just spent $48 at a thrift store. Has he not been doing this to everybody else? Do you feel like you were being profiled?

You mean because I'm white? Yeah, I think so. Because I'm bald? Yeah. Which personal characteristic of mine might have led me to be profiled. He could tell what neighborhood I grew up in. By the way, I carried myself. And the T-shirt that I had on that said, suck a free.

I know, I think he might have been telling other people that. Okay. I mean, one thing about those guys, you know, when they ask you for your receipt, you know, they can't do anything. They can't keep you from leaving because you don't show them your receipt unless they're actually accusing you of stealing something. Even if they're accusing you of stealing something,

they almost can't do it. There's basically nothing they can do because they're worried they would get sued. I worked at a bookstore and when I worked at the bookstore, the policy for the store detective was to tell someone, I saw you take that

and if they just ran, to let them go. Yeah. Like you didn't even chase them. That's important information. I know, right? Shoplifters out there. Isn't that crazy?

And I think we're very big in the shoplifting community. Anywhere that has like a real like policy, that's their policy because the only thing that could happen is you hurt somebody, you know, tackling them them or something and there's no law that says if someone stole something from you you can tackle them so there's no law that says you can't that's true it's a gray area we're taking this one all the way to the Supreme Court so I was just so my car

is like 10 feet away I I just said to the guy like, you know, I'm not going to get the receipt out. I just, I just paid for it. You can ask the lady. And I'm like still walking, you know, to my car because I didn't want to fucking deal with it. So I get to my car like 10 feet away. I open up the hatch of my car. I'm putting the stuff down. And this other security guard comes up to me and he says, and he says like, why are you being disrespectful to our security guard comes up to me and he says, like, why are you being disrespectful to our security guards?

And I was like, actually, I was really, really nice. I just didn't want to dig the receipt out. And he says, like, if we don't see the receipt, we're forced to assume that you stole those items. And I'm like, well, they're in a bag that I got from you and there's a lady right there you could check with yeah wait what other store has that policy you know it's just i don't know it's a type of uh elimination of our humanity that like that type of thing like i'm sorry sir it's company policy i'm not a human i can't talk to you like a regular person i have we have to assume that you stole them even though all logical signs point to you just bought this stuff and like i

don't want here's the thing like at no point was my opinion of the situation like fuck these guys it was just like god i don't want to get my receipt out i didn't steal anything it'll be fine sure act like a regular person to me please and so and so even when this guy is like is was really being mean to me as i put this i'm sitting i'm like is there any way i can get out of this without because even then it would have been a big fucking hassle for me to dig through the bag and find the receipt so and i just said i just went like that like i just closed my thing and i said sir i didn't steal anything and i hope you'll ask the lady inside that i bought the stuff from and so i don't and so what he took he had just said you know if you you know if if we are forced to assume that you stole items,

you will no longer be welcome in the store. Wow. And it's a big enough store that I can't imagine they would even recognize me or anything, you know, like. Probably a lot of. It's not like I ran out with a Polaroid and. Right. Do not, yeah, do not sell this man.

Do not sell this man tchotchkes. Yeah, weird. And yeah, there's probably a lot of turnover in the world of store security, retail security guarding. Oh, yeah. Specifically thrift store security guarding. Yeah, and that's the weird part.

Why are the... Do thrift stores have a hard time with shoplifting? What a weird place to shoplift from. What is it that people are shoplifting from a thrift store? Well, maybe they have security guards because there's actual cash. I don't know. Yeah, maybe that's it.lifting from a thrift store? They have security guards because there's actual cash. I don't know. Yeah, maybe that's

it. That's a good point. There's cash registers there. Sure. Do you think that the fact that I was holding those bags like a bank robber led them to... Do you think it was a mistake for me to draw dollar signs on the sides of the bags? That might have been it. Yeah. I got banned from the Anacortes 7-Eleven.

Third grade, I think, for stealing a white chocolate Hershey bar, which is disgusting to me. I don't know why I stole that. That's by far the worst candy bar. Yeah. So, and then getting busted. Maybe that was kind of just an internal, like, you know, maybe it was like a self-hatred kind of thing. Like, I'm going to steal, but it will in no way be pleasurable to me. I will not be eating this tomorrow. just an internal like you know maybe it was like a self-hatred kind of thing like i'm gonna steal but and it will in no way be pleasurable to me i will not be eating this it's too moral but anyways

i got caught and banned and and um way beyond the logical period of time i was like sorry guys you're all going into that 7-eleven i can't i'm banned i got caught lifetime 12 years ago for stealing a chocolate. I like the idea of you like 27. You just had a rehearsal. Seriously, that's what I'm saying. Like, I still feel really weird when I go in there just because like I'm banned from here. Well, we have now have they called you out on it since or is this just a self-imposed? I don't think that that's a real thing being banned from a place. That's what I'm that. It seems like that was your point, right?

Well, I think – I mean, ultimately, I had spent $50 there. And if I came back and attempted to spend $50 there again, would they be like – Your money is no good here. This charitable organization doesn't want your $50. Right? Yeah. I just let it cool. I am a little scared to go there.

Let it cool off. Give it like, what do you think, two weeks? I might say- Go to Mexico until the whole thing blows over. Yeah. Go to your safe house. Right. Yeah.

Got a safe room. Right. Go in your panic room. Only eat pork and beans. Just wait there. Yeah. Got a safe room. Right. Have a go in your panic room. Only eat pork and beans. MREs. Yeah. Seriously, how long do you think I need to wait? I would give it a month.

A month? Yeah. Thomas is shaking his head. Thomas, our intern who's running the board this week, he's shaking his head like you just said that you voted for – oh, shit. What's the guy that's always running for president? Ralph Nader? No, not Ralph Nader. Much worse than Ralph Nader.

LaRouche. Like you just said you voted for Lyndon LaRouche. Wait, so you think the month – I can't see back there. I'm going to ask a question. Do you think less than a month? Is that too long? Is a month too long? He says one week.

Whoa. Either that or he says one like the band Van Halen. The symbol that he's giving me for a week is a little winger. Maybe he just wants us to sing his favorite Barenaked Ladies songs. Alright guys, we'll start with Old Apartment. I think maybe just like one day. I don't know how long it's been yet

but just be confrontational about it. Get up in there and be like, I'll take that and I'll take that and I'll take that and one of those and just make it. Like have a wormy assistant have like a Smithers with you. Like carrying around a basket. Yeah. Take one of those. Yeah, exactly. One of these.

Excuse me. I can't help but notice that you have quite a volume of used mattresses. I'll take them all. Show me to the Yardros. The Yardro figurines. Pardon me, sir. Might you have any bric-a-brac? Opulence at the thrift store.

Bless this mess. How delightful. I'll take all 12. I had a store embarrassment the other day. Really? I was leaving the comic book store and I turned around and then I was embarrassed because I was there. The end. I turned around to just kind of look at something in the window and I, and I felt

myself bump into someone and I said, oh God, excuse me. And I turned around and it was a life, life-size Spider-Man standing. I just said, excuse me to Spider-Man. Like that scene in Revenge of the Nerds 2, Nerds in Paradise, when Point Dexter is talking to the cardboard standup,-up alcohol bikini model. We all know that film, right? I do. That's the one where Ogre decides to become a nerd, right?

At the end, he puts on glasses. Yeah, sorry. Sorry, guys. I know. You guys, can we please just talk about Star Trek 4? Yes. That's the only movie I know. Okay.

It's so funny. I was recently on – former Jordan Jesse Go guest April Richardson has a podcast where she sits down with a comedian and they just watch an episode of Saved by the Bell and then you talk about it. It's a very fun podcast. Do you talk about it like director's commentary style? No. You go to April's house and you watch it and then you admire her collection of Mortisey memorabilia. You watch Saved by the Bell and then the podcast starts and then you kind of talk about it. She has a DVD set, box set. Of Saved by the Bell?

Yes. And really funny, kind of one of the, you know, kind of Saved by the Bell has a tiered nerd system where there's Screech, who everyone hates but tolerates. And then there's just this like group of lesser nerds that everyone just makes fun of. In that episode, one of them was actually named Poindexter, which seems like so – it's either a nod to Revenge of the Nerds or so unoriginal. Is that an actual name? I don't know that to be an actual name. Yeah, I always wondered that too. It's one of my favorite movies. Yeah. And I always thought – Revenge of the Nerds are so unoriginal. Has that, is that an actual name? I don't know that to be an actual name. That too. That's one of my favorite movies.

Yeah. And I always thought revenge of the nerds too. Yeah. Specifically to two. So good. I mean, they do have, they do strap,

strap on all that military equipment. They have so many amazing, you know, they go to Fort Lauderdale, get stranded on an Island. Are they in a haunted hotel for a while? This is like eight movies, not haunted. No, exactly. That's why it's so good. They just cr on an island. Are they in a haunted hotel for a while? This is like eight movies. Not haunted.

No, exactly. That's why it's so good. They just cram all the tropes in. But yeah, they stay at the Hotel Coral Essex. But the signs burn out, so it says hot oral sex. And then they throw a huge party at the end. Spoiler alert. And do like a Beastie Boys-ish.

Because I guess Beastie Boys had just come out right then well I mean the first Revenge of the Nerds has kind of like an awkward rap right yeah at the end they do the contest to

yeah totally to win the the rap off yeah the rap off Poindexter plays electric violin yeah well that's at the end of two that he plays

like I can't believe we're going so deep on this yeah technically that's the end of two oh that's yeah but yeah I love that film can we get back to juan marichal have you never seen a revenge of the nerds movie i think i've seen revenge of the nerds yeah but i mean when i say i think i've seen i mean when i was eight years old yeah there was this period in my life that I remember very vividly because my dad's ex-girlfriend gave him her old VCR. And that was the first time either of my parents had had a VCR, which was when I was, I think, about eight.

Yeah. And that's when I started watching History of the World Part One over and over. And it was just a really emotional part of my life. Like it was something that I – I think just for somebody that is three years younger than me or one financial class higher than me, the idea of never having had recorded entertainment would be foreign. But it – transformational. Like I couldn't believe that you could go to a store and pick out something. Yeah. Bring it home and watch it. That was just shook me to my very core.

All I knew was episodes of The Voyage of the Mimi on PBS. You just had to take what they gave you. So yeah, I have watched the Revenge of the Nerds movies a lot because my sister loved them growing up as a kid, which is very strange because they're basically sex romps. There's a lot of weird 80s nudity in Revenge of the Nerds. To the point where I remember I would rent and watch with her the direct-to-fox Revenge of the Nerds sequels. Three, four, five and beyond. Nerds in Love.

Yeah, when Lewis Skolnick is an adult and he's like – comes back to – There's mad continuity in those too. Like they really stick to a timeline. It's a universe. Yeah. A Revenge of the Nerds-iverse. Yeah, exactly. And there's some rape in them.

Yeah. There is? They're dark. No, I mean there's this weird – like yeah, in those kind of 80s sex romps, the first Revenge of the Nerds is it's a Halloween party and one of the nerds dresses up like Darth Vader to go to the Halloween party and masquerades as the big jock played by Ted McGinley of Married with Children and has sex with his girlfriend and then reveals at the end. It was me the whole time, which is like, you know... Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! I mean, of course she loves it, because, you know... I never knew a nerd could be as good as a jock. Right.

At sex. But yes, very, very uncomfortable. Probably wouldn't fly now. Yeah. Two, maybe I'm whitewashing it, but I... In my mind, but I remember it being less offensive, more just like magical art. Yeah.

I haven't watched it in a little while. I think that's what it said in the Gene Shalit movie guide. Right. Magical art. Sure. Four stars. Two word review. Oh no, you misread that. It's magical fart. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go.

It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Hey, sponsor on this week's program, Marin on IFC. Just about to premiere, just about to have their premiere episode. Friday, May 3rd at 10 p.m. on IFC. Our buddy Mark Marin has a fictionalized version of his life. You got him doing the podcast.

You got him having a lot of cats. Hanging out with Dave Foley. Sure. Dave Foley being sad about different stuff that's going on with Dave Foley, I'm sure. It's going to be a terrific show. They have great guest stars lined up. Judd Hurst, Gina Gershon, Aubrey Plaza, Adam Scott will all be in this series. And Mark's in it, so it's going to be hilarious.

I wonder how fictionalized it'll be. I wonder if it will involve him coming over to my house for a barbecue, staying the whole time, but the whole time also kind of hanging out on the side and looking like he's trying to find an escape route. That sounds like a pretty good episode. Oh, I like Mark Maron. That sounds like a pretty good episode. Oh, I like Marc Maron. Marc Maron's new show premieres on IFC Fridays, 10, 9 central.

It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Phil Elverum, regular person. You can stick with one nickname, Phil. You don't need to change every time. And you're not fooling everyone. We all know that you're a rock star. Yeah.

Regular person, my ass. Jordan and I are sweating because we're heated up by your charisma. Oh, thank you. I apologize. I mentioned on Twitter that you were coming in to record. Someone sent me an email and said they saw you perform while hung upside down by ropes attached to your ankles, and the ropes went through pulleys that were held by members of the audience.

Is that true? That's true. And earlier you made a joke about me. Yeah, I realized after I said that. Should I tell him? Should I interrupt his flow to tell him that that's real? How does that happen? I used to get so weird at shows. I used to really feel more compelled to experiment with the forum. I don't have to just stand here and sing and play an instrument imagine the possibilities so i used to do crazy shows and yeah it was in seattle i

i had built like a fort and i had a friend in a bear suit and i did this whole kind of of course why wouldn't you i had to go in and like fight the bear and the bear came out and then the audience i forget there was a loose storyline but basically I was like audience like Revenge of the Nerds too or Jersey Boys but yeah it was just one song maybe two songs I had climbing ropes thrown over the rafters

and the audience pulled me up it was so painful so hard to sing loud and play a guitar upside down with all the blood in your head. Just, yeah, singing with the blood in your head. I think you should do a jukebox musical. What is a jukebox musical? You know, like Mamma Mia.

Sure. It's a production based on the, or Steppin' Out. Sure. It's a production. What's the queen one? We Are the Champions. We Will Rock You. We Will Rock You. We Will Rock You.

Okay. It's a musical based on the oeuvre of a popular musical artist. But you could be the first one to be at the center of your own jukebox musical. And then play at casinos around the world. I think if you combine the discographies of the microphones in Mount Erie, you've got the material. Sure. You've got timeless pop classics. Sure.

I've got those. And all you have to do is cobble together. Basically, here's my idea. Someone doesn't want people to rock. And you're like a revolutionary. That is actually the plot of the Queen musical. It's like a future where rock is banned. What if it's me that doesn't want people to rock oh you're the villain yeah in your own okay or like it's trying to posit the idea that rocking is actually not that good and

bad everyone just chill oh so it's we see your we see your like downfall is this like a cautionary tale yeah okay i've over rocked no what if it's just this story of a man who's really found a comfortable equilibrium yeah like a like a guy in a hammock you just found the sweet spot yeah the right way i mean sorry, sorry to shit on all these, but that's just basically Jimmy Buffett's rock musical. God damn it. So titled A Guy in a Hammock. Yeah. God damn it.

I know. I think we've definitely got a South Park Simpsons did it thing on our hands here. How about this? I got an idea. There's a cabin or a fort. There's a bear inside. Go on. there's a bear inside.

Go on. The only way to defeat this bear is to get climbing rope tied to your ankles and you get winched up upside down and sing a song while you're upside down. You almost pass out because that's really hard to do. Yeah. A little bad news for you. Oh, boy.

The Simpsons already did that. That's on The Simpsons. Season 29. When something momentous happens to you or audience members, we ask that you call us and tell us about it at 206-984-4FUN, 206-984-4FUN, or JJGo at MaximumFun.org. A few of you have done so. Let's roll out the first call.

Hey, Jordan, Jesse, Jess, or whatever. This is Craig from the res calling, and I have a moment of shame. I am 30 years old, and I just got fired for the time in my life. Woo-hoo. Fuck. Oh, buddy. Do you like how the call bleeped out and it could have been he was calling

and he just got fired for the 15th time in his life yeah I think that changes how I feel about this guy oh hey fun employment that's what everybody says when you get fired I like the most shriveled half-hearted

attempt let's see I like the most shriveled, half-hearted attempt. Yeah. Let's see. Have you guys ever been fired from anything? No. Well, I've been booed. Okay. That's like rock and roll fired.

Yeah. I've gotten laid off a few times. Yeah. It's the only thing I've ever got fired fired. God, yeah. What's mine? Have I ever been? I must have.

I know this is not interesting. The guy thinking about the jobs he's had. Did you quit the cheese store? I did quit the cheese store. I think I was – one of my first L.A. jobs was working at this cheese slicery, and I was so bad at it. slicery and I was so bad at it. I might mainly what they hired me to do was work the coffee service area, which I could do, which I conceivably, you know, which I had worked at a coffee shop in college, so I knew how to make lattes and stuff.

But occasionally I would have to do a cheese slicing or weighing or, you know, wine corking job and was just so bad at it. I broke stuff while I was sweeping. Like, you know, I corking job and was just so bad at it. I broke stuff while I was sweeping. Like, you know, I never showed up on time. It was like the most I've ever fucked anything up. It's amazing when you fuck up a job like that, the extent to which you can fuck up a job like that. Yeah. Because the standards are so low.

Right. Yeah. Because it's such a hassle to hire someone. I mean, I understand that now. Like, as a business owner, like, the process of hiring someone is such a fucking hassle that just – it really doesn't take much to keep from getting fired. Because as a business owner, you know, if I fire this person, I'm going to have to hire someone. I'm talking about my wife. I've been wanting to fire her.

You mean divorce. If I fire you, you mean a wife divorce. Yeah. Wife firing. Yeah, I was really bad at that. And then I got a and then I got another PA job on TV and then I was able to quit the job. But I think I had like two more shifts and I said like, oh, hey, so I'm going to start my job this time. So I'm going to have to not be in here, but I can still come in for those two shifts.

And the boss was like, no, that's OK. So I think I was on the cusp of being fired or at least he was relieved to not have to actually do it himself. So you take some cheese on the way. Oh, yeah. Stuffed my pockets full of Gruyere. What is a fucked up cheese slicing? Like, what does that mean? It's not precise, you know, them wanting squiggly lines.

Yeah, squiggly lines. Not, yeah, not wrapped properly. This place was, like, I think, you know, kind of on the low end of actually classy. Right. So they just wanted everything to be pristine and, you know, kind of on the low end of actually classy. Right. So they just wanted everything to be pristine and, you know, like wrapping things and tying knots and tying bows onto things. It's just not something I'm good at. So I was a bad fit for that.

I can make a latte, though. You want a latte? I will heat up milk. Yeah, that sounds good, actually. Thanks. Okay, cool. Yeah. Jesse, you want anything?

Yeah. Can I get an Italian soda? Sure. With cream? Okay. What kind of Italian sodas do you have? Cream. I'm going to pour... Cream flavored Italian soda. I am going to pour half and half into a cup of sparkling water. I'll take it. Sure. That's pretty much what an egg cream is, right? Yeah, right. Let's take a next call. Hey, Jordanesse here this is chris from greensboro north carolina um just had a pretty interesting moment driving to work and i saw a pine cone naturally fall from a tree i realized once i saw it that even though i've grown up all my life around these pine trees, I've never seen one just simply fall.

So I thought that was pretty cool. Sorry. Holy shit, you guys. I was in... This is the best call that's ever happened to me. Yeah. When I was in Mexico for my friend's destination wedding, I saw a coconut fall off a tree. And thought it was pretty impressive, but I'm like, oh, if I was a few feet over, I could have died.

Like that would have fucking killed me. You just camped out just staring at the tree. I was trying to willing it to fall. It's got to happen sometime. Yeah. No, I'm just kind of cruising, you know, cruising by the beach. You weren't trying to exercise your Matilda powers. Yeah, my carry powers

my teen girl my teen girl telepathy it's funny you should mention that the last time i was in hawaii for a vacation i saw a bunch of pig pig's blood fall out of a tree oh nice and you were standing under it in your prom dress john travolta was weirdly there. You forget that about that movie. We've got one more momentous occasion. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and Gus. My name is Shay, and I'm calling from a momentous occasion. I just woke up from donating bone marrow

to help a little kid survive leukemia. This was closely followed by my moment of shame last week of getting fired from my job. Have a nice day. Wow. Is this the same guy? No, it's not the same guy. Okay.

Different guy. Okay, great. There's a lot of employment problems in America right now, Jordan. Yeah, right. More than one person got fired? I know you live in Hollyweird. I know I live in the ultra-stable world of comedy writing. The tenured world of comedy writing. The tenured world of comedy writing.

Wow, yeah. Maybe the other guy would have got fired. I would have a really hard time doing that. Donating bone marrow? Yeah. Yeah. I'm really afraid of – I've never had surgery before, and I'm really afraid of it. Yeah, that, like, incapacitates you, right?

Like, you're laid up for a long time. I imagine they got to drill all the way in to the middle. Yeah, of the bone. Yeah. To get the marrow. The sweet marrow. Well, that was nice of him. Yeah, that was very nice of him.

I wonder if he was doing it for a specific person or just because he's a great guy. It sounded like it was a local child in need. Oh, that's right. Got fired and then decided to go deeper. If I was a child with leukemia, you know what I'd do? Go door to door. Yeah. Hey.

Just get a guy with a bone marrow tester. Yeah. Whatever it is. Got to have the same blood type or something. Just go door to door. What are you going to say to a kid with leukemia directly to their face? Yeah. But, you know, the doctor is following you in a van with all the equipment.

Got all the stuff right here. Or maybe just go door to door and compliment people on their bone marrow. Some really sweet bone marrow you have there. Yeah. Use that as kind of a natural segue into the conversation. Mine is broken. Yeah. Funny that bone marrow should come up.

My bone marrow is broken. Yeah. Jesse, broken. You want to sell this, right? You really want to. Hello. My name's Billy.

I just so happen to have an operational operating room right in that van. Van. You want to step in there? In that minivan. And then do you guys want to play stickball?

Yeah. You guys want to play Wadlord? Behind the old gym? I've got a beard. I've got a beard and a hundred dollar bill. Whoops, tipped my hand. I'm no good at Wadlord. That's how I got in such time.

My natural strength. But an F-1 has made a work of my wad. So cute with the speech impediment. Now I go from thrift store to thrift store. Shoplifting children's clothes. But enough about me.

Let's talk about your bone marrow. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, as we go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Phil Elfram, blizzard of negativity.

Phil, it's been a delight to have you on the program. Yeah, thanks, man. We don't get much rock and roll royalty in here. Well, that's a stretch. We just get old Chris Fairbanks. Jeez. Yeesh. We had Steve Vai that one time.

Oh, we did have Steve Vai. And Joe Satriani. We had Steve Vai and Joe Satriani. Yeah, we had all the guitar heroes of the 70s. Sure. Todd Rundgren was here that one time.

Rundgren Buckethead was great. Buckethead was amazing. Yngwie Malmsteen was here. So, yeah. This is kind of part for the course for us. Our standard show. Yeah, this is...

Anyway, we've come to the part of the show where we ask our guest to shred. Uh-huh. To rip some sweet licks. Yeah. You'll notice the flying V behind you. I think people are going to want to check out some of your beautiful Mount Deary music based on your appearance on this program, right?

That's possible. I think they should. I think it's very beautiful music. It is. Absolutely. Thank you. Critically acclaimed? Yeah.

You want to go on Pitchfork.com and find out who's got the 10 scores out of 11 or whatever the fuck? Yeah. It's this guy right here. Yeah. Mount Erie. Phil. This guy's got all the points.

I got all the scores. Yeah. All scores. This guy makes beautiful music. Sure. I've heard it. What do you want? It's beautiful tunes.

Hey, type it in. You like it's haunting? Come on. You like it do you want? It's beautiful tunes. Hey, type it in. You like it's haunting? Come on, you like it haunting, right? It's a beautiful melody. Yeah, it's elegant. It's a washing feedback. Yep. A lot of big characters on this show.

A lot of vaudevillian characters. That was Pitchfork Dangerfield. The late Weezer albums, they get no respect. These guys just want to hear Pinkerton over here. I don't really get rap music, but I'm going to tell you about it. Yeah. about it.

In all sincerity, folks should really check out Phil's music because it really is beautiful. Mount Eerie and the microphones. You can go to Phil's website to purchase it. He will have to go to the post office to mail it to you. What's the URL of the

website, Phil? Get a pencil. It's P-W Elverum and Son. E-L-V-E-R-U-M. That's S-U-N, right? A-N-D-S-U-N, yeah. That's my label. It's completely baffling. It's ineffective. Just Google Phil.

Google Mount Erie. Mount Erie will get you that, yeah. And, hey, support this guy. This guy. Yeah. My friend Carolyn, support this guy. This guy. Yeah. My friend Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs tells me. She says, hey, I know this indie rock guy. He's kind of a big deal.

He's into Jordan Jesse Go. Wow. So I send him a Twitter. I say, well, first of all, I say, Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs, is he a fucking weirdo? Yeah. She says, no. Because, you know. Yeah. She says, no. Because, you know.

Yeah. Can't be too careful. But Buckethead was really weird. Yeah. I'm sure. The chicken smell. Yeah. You'd think after all these years that smell would be gone.

You'd think you'd have washed it enough times, you know, put it through the washing machine. Fresh bucket each day. But, you know, I send this guy a Twitter. I say, hey, Phil, I kind of see you're kind of a big deal. You want to come stop by sometime? And I was like, I'm on my way. Yeah, it was wonderful. He's like, yes. I love your guys' show.

Well, thank you. Nice to be this way. Thank you very much, Phil. I think I listen to all of the Maximum Fun shows. Maybe you've added ones recently. I saw you threw in a little shout out to Throwing Shade. Totally. Love those guys.

They're fucking hilarious. My brother and me also. The Mabimbams? Yeah. Come on. High credibility operation. Sure. We're complimenting each other.

Mutual appreciation. Yeah. We're getting a little indie rock credibility from Phil. He's getting a little shut-in credibility from us. Sure. We're all going to show each other our subtle dicks. Our theme is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. Thomas Matysik on the boards this week.

Sonny D on the edit. Join us on the forums at forum.maximumfund.org on Twitter at Jesse Thorne and at Jordan underscore Morris and the hashtag JJGo and on Facebook. We have a lot of good stuff

on Facebook. We're all over Facebook. Like us on Facebook. Why not? I mean, you already like us in real life, am I right?

Just make it official. Let's make it official. Let the world know. Put a ring on it. And thanks to everyone who donated in the Max Fund Drive. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica.