Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 277: Farticus Poops and Toots

Episode Date: May 27, 2013

Jordan and Jesse fly solo this week and discuss the MaxFun softball team, Jordan's most recent celebrity sighting, Fast Six, and Jesse recommends some underwear.

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, the home run hitter. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Wow, new nickname. Did somebody make a double play? I'm guessing. I'm just guessing. I know we always record this after softball. Did you make a double play? I'm guessing. I'm just guessing. I know we always record this after softball. Did you make a double play? We had a great softball practice.

You know, previously we had been, Brian, Sonny D, and I had softball practice immediately before Jordan and Jesse go. I mean, we're talking about get in the car, drive to the office, jump in the shower at the office. You're usually still eating orange slices

when we're doing this. Exactly. I got my juice box in my mouth. This week, we changed the schedule up a little bit. We went 10 to noon. Okay. You know what that makes room for,

my friend? A long lunch? Pizza party. Nice. Good. That's what I like to hear. That's what I like to hear. That's what I like to hear. And you know what?

It's my team. I was buying. Sure. I buy two large pizzas. Yeah, you got it. You can do that. You got it. You got pizza money.

And you know what? Sonny D., Nick White, go ahead. Order a Coke. Hey. Yeah. Everybody else, water cups. Please. Or pay for your own beverages.

Softball is fun. I'll tell you, though, we had a game. Wait, hold on. Pizza, one cheese, one supreme? One deluxe, one pepperoni, no vegetarians. Okay. One vegan, but she ordered her own little thing. Okay.

Because we're not going to order a whole vegan pizza. She just ate a pile of napkins. Yes. Well, she ate the food equivalent of a pile of napkins. Sure. Which is to say a pizza without cheese on it. Yeah, an artichoke with marinara sauce. Oh, boy, yeah.

Bummer for vegans at a pizza place. I guess you're used to it, you know? I was kind of disappointed that nobody ordered a beer. Me too, personally. As a non-drinker, I can't order a beer for everybody. Well, that was my that was kind of my concern when the

team member told me that there was no pizza parties. My understanding of adult sports leagues. Is it they're beer-centric? Well, yeah. They're half about the sport and half just to have a regular drink at night. And I was just concerned for the team that maybe they weren't having that facilitated when maybe that was even the point.

But you know what? You can't always look to the manager or the coach to provide leadership. Sometimes a veteran player has to stand up and say, listen, guys, we all need to drink more beer. Chug, chug, chug, chug. Huh. Interesting. But do you think, now do you think people are like bashful? What do you think it is?

Do you think they just don't care? Well, we took a survey of how people ended up on the team at the party, at the pizza party. Yeah. At Fuliero's in Highland Park. And I guess I thought some of the people on the team had tighter connections to us than they actually did. I remembered that one girl on the team was a ringer. Okay. I brought her in because someone emailed me and said that she'd played college

softball. I said, great, we're going to do whatever it takes. This is just someone somebody knows. We're talking about Holly. We're talking about Holly here. This is someone who emailed me from when I said we needed a ringer on Jordan Jesse Go. He said, I know a girl who played college softball. I was like, let's get her in here. She's a really cool lady. I'm really glad she's on the team. She's easily our best player. So God bless Holly. Now, there were a couple of other players on the team that, you know, they're one degree separate.

Somebody's friend, one girl emailed me from Twitter and I had completely forgotten she emailed me from Twitter. Okay. I thought she was somebody's friend. So everybody's still getting to know each other. Okay. But it was a nice chance to sit down, have a pizza party, enjoy a deluxe, enjoy a pepper from Twitter. Okay. I thought she was somebody's friend. So everybody's still getting to know each other. Okay. But it was a nice chance to sit down,

have a pizza party, enjoy a deluxe, enjoy a pepperoni. You know what I mean? Sure. And have a nice time together. But I thought it might have been a nicer time.

Vegan, enjoy taking tiny bites of a plastic spoon. I wish that, I wish there was a pitcher of beer involved just because I know that people love to have a pitcher of beer after softball.

Especially considering our team plays in a city park. And if the umpire or the game officials see any alcohol, you're out of the league. Sure. So you can't – there's no alcohol during games. Oh, yeah. I'm not suggesting you smuggle beer onto city property. I guess I'm confused as to why you would suggest that I would smuggle beer onto city property. Well, I just think if you're going to get drunk on city property, do it at the post office.

Right. Do it at the post office. You know? Buy some commemorative stamps. I don't know if they still have the Simpsons stamps. You know, you see a Muppets stamp. Just buy all they have. Greeting cards.

Stock up on greeting cards. Get a Mother's Day, get a condolence. You never know when you're going to need them. Who doesn't need poster tubes when they're drunk? Sure. Barf into it, store a poster in there, whatever you want. Yeah, and if you strike out with the ladies, you can fuck it. Yeah, no.

Oh, I have a very wide penis, no. Oh, I have a very wide penis, by the way. Wow. I have a short, wide penis. Wow, you've got a power dong, Jordan. Yeah. I, uh, so anyway, I was a little disappointed that nobody was drinking beer. Expensive to mail, though. It was expensive to send

through the mail. But you can't, if you're the guy that doesn't drink, you can't just say, here it is, let's get a pitcher of Right. You can't say. You can't just say. Here it is. Let's get a pitcher of beer. You guys drink this. No, no. I understand that.

So yeah. And I think it seems like a tricky situation because you are buying the pizza and I think everybody probably appreciates that. But. Not as much as I'd like. You know, I'd like an extra pat on the back once in a while. Sure. Big Daddy ordered the pizza.

Thanks for the za. They say. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know how to get the party started. I mean, I don't think I have time to participate in the softball league. But, I mean, maybe if you're having a pizza party, I can come by. Right. And, you know, just start drinking.

Wait a minute. So your plan is you're not going to play softball. No. You're just going to show up and drink beer. Yes. That I'm buying? No, no. I will buy.

I don't know if I'm prepared to buy a pitcher. You got to buy a pitcher. Okay. You know what? And by the way, we could use a new pitcher. Sure. Sonny D's on the mound. Yeah.

You know what, Jesse? Pitcher a beer, Oral Hershizer. Can I just say, this last week, I was so confident going into last week's game. I mean, you remember how upbeat I was about last week's practice. Sure. You were talking some serious shit against the Pasadena Humane Society. I was going to say Pasadena Civic Auditorium. I had asserted that when we met the Pasadena Humane Society on the field, we would space slash neuter them.

Yeah. Now, here's what happened. It makes sense. They kicked the living shit out of us. Oh, no. It was by far, it wasn't our worst game in terms of quality of play, but it was the worst game in out of us. Oh, no. It was by far, it wasn't our worst game in terms of quality of play, but it was the worst game

in terms of score. They destroyed us. They had this, here's the thing. Here's something that I've learned about softball. Somebody you really

have to be careful of in a softball game, if he happens to be playing for the other team, giant fat guy. Yeah. Just a huge dude. Yep. If there's a huge dude on the other team, giant fat guy. Yeah. Just a huge dude. Yep.

If there's a huge dude on the other team, like I'm talking like former 49ers center Jesse Sapolu huge, like a 350. You know what I'm talking about? Like what if the guy from Pawn Stars gained 150 pounds? Like if there's a guy like that. I'm seeing a flaming card tattoo. Yeah. Somewhere on this guy.

Then that dude is so, the reason he's on the softball team is because softball is his world. Sure. Softball is what he knows. I'm guessing. Softball is where he's king. I'm guessing this guy also buys the pitchers too. Yes. Abso-fucking-lutely.

One for himself, one for the table. There was this huge guy on the Pasadena Humane Society team. I don't know what this guy does at the Humane Society because he was not— He probably, if someone's, you know, mouthing off or, you know, disobeying the rules, he probably sits on them. Look, I don't mean to be— Sits on them and farts. I don't mean to be—I don't mean to be go-too- too dark, but I think he may run the gas chamber at the Humane Society. He was a seedy

character. Sure. You need someone with no empathy to gas the pets. This guy is like a 300 pound bald headed, like a shaved bald headed dude. But what it is. I'm now seeing this guy as a Mike Tyson's

punch out character. That is what he was. That is what he was. He was that guy this guy as a Mike Tyson's punch out character. That is what he was. That is what he was. He was that guy from, what's that guy called? Glass Joe? Let's see. The bald guys are Bald Bull and I think Soda Popinski are both big bald guys. There you go.

Definitely Bald Bull. I'm thinking Bald Bull. I don't think I ever made it to Soda Popinski. Yeah. Because you got to know the trick to beat each guy. Oh, no. Maybe Soda Popinski has a handlebar mustache. Definitely bald bull, though.

Oh, King Hippo, also bald. King Hippo. Okay. So this guy, if you get a big fat guy up there, this is a sport where you don't have to run. I mean, you can run. Yeah. You can jog. You have a lively jog or a run if you like.

You don't have to be mobile if you're playing first base or right field or catcher. There's a number of positions where you don't really have to move around. And the ball, you don't need any athleticism really. You just need to be able to put- You just need power. Yeah, you just need to be able to- Power and hand-eye coordination. Put the barrel of the bat onto the ball, and if you weigh 350 pounds, that's 350 pounds going into that ball, sending it far, far over our left fielder's hands.

Just so far. There was a guy, we got a stat sheet before the game. They have a scorekeeper in this league, apparently, and there's stats kept. Oh, wouldn't it be funny if the fat guy's job was to, like, bottle feed all the premature kittens? Like, he just takes them into the room. There's a little bottle. Turns on some Motorhead. He feeds them.

And sometimes you have to rub their little butts so they can poop. You have to kind of take a little tissue. What do you do? I had a roommate once that fostered, like, you know, premature kittens. I remember this. This was the girl who worked as, like, a promotional model and drove a red, like a— Oh, no, this was Lauren. Okay.

Yeah. No, yeah, I did have a roommate once. Didn't she have kittens? Wasn't there kittens involved in the woman who drove the Red Bull car? I don't think so. I don't think she had any weird pets. She was definitely the type who would have weird pets. But, yeah, something you have to do is you have to get a tissue

and something about the premature kitten, it's not able to poop. So you have to rub its butthole and then just get the poop out. Wow. So that's what this guy probably did. Yeah. He's a poop rubber. Right. Slash gasser.

Slash fucking home run hitter. Jeez. He was, I think it was this guy. I looked at the stats before the game, which was a mistake because I became very intimidated. They had a guy who threw two games, the first two games of the season, had seven hits and seven at-bats

and 21 total bases, which means for each time that he was coming up, he was averaging a triple. So for every double he hit, he hit a home run. So they were taking the stats while the game was happening

and rubbing it in your face. Yeah. Okay. Exactly. But hey, who was having more fun out there? They were, because they were winning by a lot. I mean, they were really kicking our asses. Sounds pretty fun. There was this one guy Oh man. There was this one

guy on their team like I'm going to say like a 45-year-old Latino guy. He was sort of slight. I don't think he was gay, but he was neat enough to be gay. Sort of like the dog whisperer. You know how the dog whisperer looks? Just very neat. Sure. the dog whisperer looks like just very neat sure and this guy was worse at playing softball than anyone on our team just horrible at it and we have some very bad players um but and he was holding the bat hard to run because your sock garters keep slipping he was doing this thing where he bent you know that kind of batting stance where you bend from the waist and you, like, bend down and your hands are, like, up by your face? Mm-hmm. You know what I mean?

Like a, eh, that kind of thing? Sure. So he's doing that. And he can't hit the ball at all. But poor Brian's trying to throw a strike. Brian was having some control problems his first time he faced this guy. This guy's talking shit. Like a drunk Oral Hershiser.

This guy's talking shit to Sonny D. I'm like, hey, this is slow-pitch softball. Maybe you shouldn't be milking a walk. So how much trash talk goes on in softball? Very little. But this guy- People are good sports usually. This guy was very genial too, but I still did not care for it.

Yeah. I was like, you know, talk some shit when you swing and hit it. Sure. If you can swing and hit it, that's a good qualification. Oh, I for it. Yeah. I was like, eh, you know, talk some shit when you're not, when you swing and hit it. Sure. If you can swing and hit it, that's a good qualification. Oh, I get it.

Oh, he was making fun of Brian for walking him. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Sure. To be fair, Brian deserved it.

I mean, throw some strikes, guy. Yeah. He picked it up. Put it over the plate. He got him out the next time up. Okay.

Brian's nodding. He got his revenge. Against the only bad player on their whole team. What happens is on a lot of these teams, it goes boy, girl, boy, girl in the batting order. The girls, ladies vary widely by ability. Some of them are pretty good. Some of them are competent but not super athletic or whatever. Some of them are pretty good. Some of them are like competent but not super athletic or whatever. Some of them are bad on all teams.

A lot of other teams, all the boys hit a home run every time. Right. They just fucking rocket ship home run. Jeez. Yeah. But you know what? This year we're taking – this week we're taking on this law firm. Okay.

I think we take these assholes. Well, have you learned something about over – Humility? Yeah. Right. Hubris. Yeah. Do you think it was hubris that took me down in the last game and not all the home runs?

I mean it was a great slogan. You're going to spay and neuter them. I mean I guess you could say you're going to have these guys disbarred. These guys are going to get served. These are going to get overruled. Yeah. But, you know, why don't you just say, hey, let's all have a great game out there, and then— How about this?

I'll go out there, I'll go to the other coach, and I'll say, can we stipulate that we're going to have a great time? Yeah. That's lawyer talk. Yeah. Stipulate, too, we're going to have a great time. Yeah. That's lawyer talk. Yeah. Stipulate, too, we're going to have a good time. I'd like to motion that we all do our best. Oh, Christ. No guests this week, in case.

Yeah. If you're wondering if there's a guest sitting there. That we're just rudely ignoring. Waiting for us. No. You know what? Once in a while, people like to spend. Waiting for us. No. You know what? Once in a while, people like to spend some time with us. Sure.

Why wouldn't they? Their mistake. Yeah. It's a shame. But, you know, if you don't have anybody, if you're at home alone. Yeah. If you're trapped somewhere but can still reach your iPod to download new podcasts. You already watched this week's Mass for Shut-ins twice.

You know it back to front. You can just replay it in your mind. What's Mass for Shut-ins? Mass for Shut-ins. It's like a thing that runs on your cable access channel. It's just church on TV. Oh, okay. It's not called Mass for Shut-ins, though.

No, I don't think so. That's unnecessarily cruel. I refer to it as Mass for Shut-ins in a graphic on Dr. Steve Brule. Okay. Yeah. But it's, no, it's really, it's, but that's what it is. It's for people who can't get to church. Sure.

Because of, you know, agoraphobia or something. Or just they're too old. Can't drive anymore. Sure. Can't make it down to the old church house, want to get right with God. It's their close to judgment day. Sure. It's coming any day now, oldster.

God's not going to be impressed at how many Japanese zeros you shot down. No, if anything, he'll hold that against you. Yeah, he doesn't like war. Because you killed. He dislikes war. Oh, yeah. If there's one thing I know about God. We'll be back in just a second.

Now, Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Cameron Esposito, and I'm the host of Maximum Fun's new podcast, Wham! Bam! Pow! A sci-fi movie show and action movies, also. Did I forget to say action movies? Every week I'll be joined by Mr. Ricky Comona and Ms. Rhea Butcher, and we are going to chat about films. We're going to tell jokes. We're going to be hilarious. We're going to play games. We're going to have guests.

We're going to give reviews. It's going to blow your mind. If you to play games. We're going to have guests. We're going to give reviews. It's going to blow your mind. If you want to listen to the show, you can find it at MaximumFun.org or you can subscribe on iTunes. Can you believe how many things I just listed? So many things. Wow! That's great. Love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. That's great. Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I figured I should reserve home run hitter until my first home run. You haven't actually hit a home run?

I might have hit a home run. Brian, when you bought those pizzas, that was a home run. I definitely hit a home run in practice. Yeah, but not in the game. I hit a couple doubles. I've hit some long doubles. Long double's a good name. Long double is a good name. That's a good point. Jesse Thorne, long doubles. Long double's a good name. Long double is a good name. That's a good point.

Jesse Dorn, long double. Long double. Yeah. Watch out or you'll get the long double. Made some slides. Did some sliding. There you go. What have you been up to, Jordan?

Well, a couple of things. A couple of funny things have happened. Oh, great. Maybe I'll share them with you. Perfect. Well, this happens to be our comedy program. Well, great. Maybe I'll share them with you. Perfect. Well, this happens to be our comedy program. Well, yeah. Something that comes up often on the show is weird celebrity friendship. I saw one in action. I saw one in the wild that- When you say weird celebrity friendship,

you mean like Don Rickles and- Bob Newhart. Bob Newhart. Exactly. Yes. Also, we'll put delightful celebrity marriage in that zone. Yes. Also, you know, we will put we'll put delightful celebrity marriage in that zone. Sure. You're Felicity Huffman's and William H. Macy's. Sure. DeVito Perlman. Anything with classics. Anything where two famous things come together in a way that amuses and delights us. This one this one was pretty mind blowing. This one was pretty mind-blowing. So I was going down a kind of a busy street slowly, and I saw what looked to be like a guy with a broken-down motorcycle.

And I noticed the motorcycle because it was like an old, like vintage, cool-looking motorcycle, like Che Guevara motorcycle. Sure. And there was one guy just kind of looking at the motorcycle, Che Guevara motorcycle. Sure. And there was one guy just kind of looking at the motorcycle, just like going over it. And he was in motorcycle gear. And then there was another guy who was a very fat guy. And he was on a phone, also kind of looking over to the motorcycle. What was he saying? Yeah, two wheels Yeah

Metal Motorcycle, I don't know And then when I got closer Guy inspecting the motorcycle John Slattery, guy on the phone Hurley from Lost So, I mean, best case scenario They have some kind, best case scenario.

They have some kind of best case scenario. They have a social club of some kind. Well, best case scenario, John Slattery drives a motorcycle around and Hurley from Lost sits in a giant sidecar. And they just drive around. On their way to meet up with Cliff from Cheers. Right, exactly. John Ratzenberger. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Don't want to diminish, exactly. John Ratzenberger. Yeah.

Don't want to diminish the career of John Ratzenberger. He also did those Stamps.com commercials. Sure. And voice in every Pixar movie. Yeah. There you go. He's actually really good in the Pixar movies. He's great. Yeah.

I like it when they give him a bigger role. He always does a good job. Yeah. Also because John Lassiter produces all those english language miyazaki movies he's always in those too oh do you think him and john lassiter are hawaiian shirt buddies oh totally oh totally i bet lassiter can have i because i bet lassiter's the power player in that relationship i i bet he can like have them close off a tommy bahama and take them in the back they're like this is not out on the sales floor yet.

I read an article in the San Francisco Chronicle once. This is how little goes on in San Francisco. This was like a front page article in the Chronicle. It was about John Lasseter's Hawaiian shirt collection, which is a real thing. Okay, great. Awesome. It's about John Lasseter's Hawaiian shirt collection, which is a real thing. Buh. Okay, great. Awesome. And what was amazing about it is that there's such a thing as a Hawaiian shirt collector.

Mm-hmm. And they tend to collect the original Hawaiian shirts. We're talking about Rayon Aloha shirts. They call them Aloha shirts. Okay. Made in Hawaii in the 1930s through 50s. That's the sweet spot. Exactly. Okay.

Anything after that is just a kitschy knockoff. John Lasseter just has 300 shirts from Tommy Bahama. That was what was amazing to me. He's not even like going to auctions and getting the, you know. No. Yeah. He's rich enough to. Let's be clear.

Sure. He could be discerning. Oh, this is one that Bob Hope wore on the deck of the, you know, SS Liberty when he was entertaining the troops. You know what he was wearing for the portrait? A Hawaiian shirt with San Francisco Giants pennants on it. Just something he bought at the Giants dugout store. I like the idea that did you read that article in GQ a few months

back about the guy who wrote Friday Night Lights who has the crippling Gucci addiction? Oh, yeah. He wrote the book Friday Night Lights. Yeah, that was because I'm a menswear blogger. 10,000 people emailed that article to me.

But essentially it was this – reasonably – he's a successful nonfiction and magazine writer but not a rich or famous person. I got the impression like just about him that he – Friday Night Lights was this huge thing. There was a movie. There was a TV show. But he's been blocked since that. Like he hasn't really done any work of substance since then. Yeah, I mean he's one of these guys who lives in the world of the expense account magazine profile of Angelina Jolie and make pretty good money. But we're talking $100,000 a year, $150,000 a year, not million dollars a year. thousand dollars a year not million dollars a year but yeah he uh he obsessively correct collected um designer leather goods yeah and specifically clothing right and there was and

it was so funny because they had these before and after pictures of him there was like you know him on the red carpet of you know the friday night's movie like friday night lights movie and he you know looks like hollywood screenwriter guy he's wearing like a you know brown blazer and uh you know plaid shirt or something and then the next picture is him looking like a kind of fat David Bowie like like has totally has totally surpassed stylish and gone to like crazy crazy elf person and because, I mean, he is a strong writer and that was one of the things that was amazing about this piece. You know, the guy is a skilled writer and so he can convey to the reader

his sort of borderline sexual obsessive interest in these clothes. Yeah, and it seems like it's also kind of the catalyst that tore his marriage apart. borderline sexual obsessive interest in these clothes. Yeah. And it seems like it was kind of, it's also the kind of the catalyst that tore his marriage apart. Like he, he got interested in like, you know,

swingers clubs around the same time he got interested in leather. And, you know, in, in addition to spending his family's money that they don't really have on leather, he's also slipping away to sex clubs. So, but the other thing, the thing that's amazing is then they show this picture of him and

he's fat and bald. Totally. I mean, he's not like corpulent. He's not like sickeningly, but he is. Just a dumpy dad. He's a very dumpy dad and he looks horrible in the clothes. I mean, he looks... Like, the thing about leather... Like, if he was...

Oh, you know, if he's Graydon Carter... Graydon Carter is the editor of Vanity Fair. He owns some restaurants in New York. He's, you know, maybe one step up from this guy. But similarly, like, a very successful media guy. He probably makes a million dollars a year, but not a super rich guy. Graydon Carter, I'm sure, spends as much money as this guy does on clothes.

He spends it at Anderson and Shepard on Savile Row, and he is a middle-aged, fat, bald man. But, you know, he looks – if you – Sure. A suit from Savile Row looks pretty good on a middle-aged fat bald man. But Gucci leather pants do not. I know. Yeah, this guy, like he – like what he is wearing I can only imagine would look, you know, remotely normal or good on like an Eastern European gay prostitute like who's 19. Yeah, I mean you could see like a Cruise-type figure looking good in it.

Or, like, in terms of middle-aged guys, I mean, you're really down to, like, your Tom Cruises, your David Bowies. Sure. Skinny Iggy Pop. Right, sure. Like, skinny old guys who are also somewhat edgy. Very muscular. And, yeah, like, those guys who are also very muscular and yeah like those guys could pull this off they wouldn't look classy no but they would look it would look super weird yeah

yes oh my point my reason bringing that up was uh kind of part of it was like gucci flies him out every year to like you know peruse the latest stuff. Would it be funny if Tommy Bahama did that for John Lasseter? Like flew him out to the Bahamas. Yes. And, you know, you go into a grass hut and then you pull a particular tiki. You know what, though? As a menswear blogger, I get, and for folks who don't know, I have a menswear blog. I'll put this on.

I get press releases to go to fashion shows. And I don't live in New York, so I've literally never been to a fashion show in my life. But there are real big shows for, I mean, you think of them as being, oh, yeah, sure, Louis Vuitton has a show, Tom Ford has a show, whatever, right? They show their craziest clothes, you know, to try and get some publicity to sell their less crazy clothes. But there are brands that have big shows in New York Fashion Week, Milan Fashion Week, like Nautica. Like, who is at the Nautica show?

Who's getting flown out to the Nautica show to check out? The world's cab drivers. flown out to the nautica show the world's cab drivers like i understand that uh that like a buyer for macy's or jc penny a mid to low end department store has to go to the nautica show yeah but who are the guys that are the vips at the nautica show sure who are the vips at the tommy john underwear fashion show the bjorn Borg brand underwear fashion show. By the way, when did our country's second tier international superstar athletes become the primary branders of men's undergarments? Bjorn Borg's just coasting on the name, right? That his name is Bjorn Borg. It ising on the name, right? Like that is, it is such a fun name to say.

I've been tempted to buy Bjorn Borg underwear because his name is Bjorn Borg and it says Bjorn Borg on the waistband. I didn't know that he made underwear, but I would also like some. Like Tommy John, who's, you know, Tommy John is a. What do you think would be better underwear, Bjorn Borg or Borg Collective? Better underwear. The Bjorn Borg underwear. Borg Collective will make your dick part of the hive mind. That's the slogan.

I looked at some Bjorn Borg. I think at some point they may have even offered me some review product. And it was, I'm trying to think of a way to say this that reflects the fact, it's like imagine a European tourist's fanny pack that's made by Lecoq Sportif. It's that in underwear form. Like just everything is fluorescent pink and green just stars and stripes i would say it was really gay sure except i don't know any gay dudes who are tasteless enough to wear like i feel like it's something that a gay dude would wear if he was from a country where they don't have anything, like Bulgaria. Sure. He's just like-

A country that eats a lot of root vegetables. I just need something to distinguish myself from the heterosexuals. Right. You know what I mean? It is brutal. Yeah. But why does Tommy John have his own line of underwear? Like, granted, Hall of Fame pitcher.

Okay. But not beloved by anyone yeah you know like did he just really dive into the underwear business did he like grow up with someone who really knew underwear yeah and when he was done he's like you know what you and me you and me billy we're gonna make your underwear dream come true and we're gonna to slap my name all over it. I think it's just one of those things where like these guys were successful because they exploited the fact that they were a thing. Right. You know, they're not just some guy. Like even if nobody knows about baseball, like he can say, oh, I'm a baseball player. So clearly the world's baseball fans will latch on to this.

I can see why it's appealing to Tommy John because Tommy John, he's this Hall of Fame pitcher. He pitched for 25 years practically, probably 24, I'm going to say. And when he meets somebody at a party, he says, hi, I'm Tommy John. And they say, oh, the surgery guy because of Tommy John surgery. And he says-

Tommy John surgery. That's when you take a ligament from, this is pioneered by legendary sports medicine doctor, Dr. James Andrews. Okay. It's where you take

a ligament from one elbow and put it in the other elbow. Okay. Because your elbows have extra ligaments? No. Basically what happens is if you break,

if you tear the ligament in one arm, it can't grow back. So you take it out of the other arm and put it into your pitching arm. Okay.

And if you rehab it right, it will actually be stronger than the one that was in there before. Okay. But it takes like a year to rehab. Tommy John was the first one to do this. So it's known as- The doctor's bummed he didn't get it named after him? Doctor, the Andrews surgery?

Yeah. Yeah, I bet he is. I mean, he's not sweating. That guy's probably so fucking rich? Yeah. Yeah, I bet he is. I mean, he's not sweating. That guy's probably so fucking rich. Yeah. People like baseball players and basketball players fly across the country to his clinic to get an opinion from him and have him do their surgery. Okay. I'm sure that he gets half a million of surgery and he's not sweating it.

But, you know, I think Tommy John's, you know, he's got dreams too. He wants to be somebody. Why not become an underwear man sure the question is who's buying it yeah i wonder like the guy at the store he's like i don't know calvin klein jockey to exist tommy john i remember you know what i remember when he pitched for the yankees i'll take 70s i'll take a pair is it is it a luxury i'd love to have that guy covering up my dick is this a luxury item or is love to have that guy covering up my dick. Is this a luxury item or is this just something you buy at JCPenney next to the Calvin Klein briefs?

This is something that you buy at Nordstrom's. Okay. Wow. I'm hesitant to say luxury. Okay. But high end. High end. Okay.

That's probably it. That's probably the strategy of like people will just buy the thing because it's the high-end version of the thing. You're looking $40 a pair. $35. Oh, wow. Full retail. Full retail I'm talking about. Sure.

Full retail. This is not for a three-pack. No, absolutely not. This is per pair. You're not going to have to pay $40 if you buy it at Marshall's. Okay. You get a cut rate. Sure.

Get a nice hen pitcher while you're there too. Like a nice tee pitcher shaped like a hen. Can I endorse an underwear? Please. Mossman. Okay. Go on. I recommend Mossman. I bought—

M-O-S-S, man? I think it's M-O-S-S. It might be M-O-S. Okay. I buy—here's what happens. It was called Swamp Thing underwear, but Swamp Thing sued. I get a lot of store credit to your various flash sale sites, they're called, which is like, you know, like clothing clearance websites where the sale's up for a couple days. Yeah. And I don't really need any more clothes, so I'll buy, you know, your underpants

and just whatever I can come up with that somebody might need. And for this reason, I'll just... I got a lot for my birthday. God love her. My mom got me some unattractive, ill-fitting shirts from Macy's. Oh.

So I have a nice Macy's gift card that I plan on using for socks and underwear when the time comes. I recommend Mossman. Okay. Can you get Mossman at a Macy's? I think you might be able to get it at a Macy's. Is it made from swamp moss? It is, yeah.

It's actually endorsed by Mossman from Masters of the Universe. Oh, okay. Yeah. How does Beastman feel about them? What about Manowar? Yeah, them? What about Manowar? Yeah, right? What does Manowar think about this situation? I'd like all of He-Man's rogues gallery to weigh in.

I bought... Man at Arms? That's a good guy. That is, yeah. I used to just go to the Ross and the Marshalls or whatever and just buy whatever boxer brief had some elastic in it. And I bought these jockeys and they were horrible. Yeah. Bad underwear is the worst.

Sure. And so I thought, I guess they're not all the same. I bought these Mossmans. They're nice. Yeah. Photosynthesis powers? My dick is so comfortable. Yeah.

It's just great. Can it change light to energy? No, it does not have literal, it's not capable of photosynthesis. Nor can I grow in a dark, moist place. Sure. I mean, if you're talking about a pussy, yes. If you're talking about a cave, no. If you're talking about a cave, no. If you're talking about a pussy and a cave, maybe.

Sure. Is there a bed in there, a blanket or something? Yeah. What are we, spelunk fucking? I mean, you know, you got to keep the romance alive somehow. Anyway, I bought a bunch of different underwear. It'd be pretty hot to fuck in those helmets with the lights on the top. Yeah, that would be hard.

No, I said I think it would be hot. Oh, you think it would be hot? Yeah. Isn't sexy hot? Sure. I mean, the lights probably get hot. Not as in hot like you'd get hot. Oh, yeah.

That would be my concern. No, I think it would be arousing. Because you've got a big arc lamp up there. Sure. No, yeah. I mean, probably the potential for second degree burns is probably pretty high. Really? Yeah.

You're going all the way up to the second degree. I headbutt while I fuck. So if I've got this helmet on... You're a button fucker. Sure, yeah. So obviously... Anyway, I bought a bunch of different... I bought a bunch of

different ones and I really... The clear winner was Mossman. So I went ahead and bought some more Mossmans. Okay. And you know what? I've earned it. Sure. What are you dropping on a Mossman versus a Calvin Klein?

I don't really know. It's similar to a Calvin Klein. Okay. But, I mean, I'm talking about the nice Calvin Kleins, not just cotton briefs. Okay. I'm talking about a Calvin Klein stretch boxer brief, which is what you're looking for. Plus, they come in fun colors and patterns, if you so choose. I've got some that are just plain navy, but I got some with stars on them for when I feel like my dick's a star.

Sure. And my butt. And your butt. Your butt is also a star. My toots. Gross. Sorry. That's okay.

You got toots on the mind because my son keeps talking about toots. Oh, yeah? Well, because we have to say, Simon, do you have poops? And he goes, no, just toots. Okay. I would like it if he said that very matter-of-factly. No, just toots. I don't think he's capable of mustering that kind of gravitas.

Well, if you bug him while he's doing his paperwork. You have to make poops? No, just toots. I have to get back to these spreadsheets. Puts this back in his sleeve garters. Yeah. Adjusts his green visor. And goes back to his adding machine.

What am I doing? Yeah. Sorry, poops. He apologizes. He is a very unreliable narrator when it comes to poops or toots. Yeah. And I don't know if he's lying or if he just has a hard time telling. Yeah.

You know what I mean? So he is in – if his toot reliability was in a genre of fiction, it would be like a classic Russian novel. Sure. Exactly. Sure. Exactly. Sure. I mean, that's a significant part of at least the Grand Inquisitor portion of the Brothers Karamazov. Right.

Is toots or poops. Toots or poops. Yeah. Those are two of the brothers, right? There's toots. And poops. Poops. And-

The Grand Inquisitor's nickname, of course, is Didy. Sure. Oh, God. How do we get involved in this? Poops and poops. And the Grand Inquisitor's nickname, of course, is Didy. Sure. Oh, God. How do we get involved in this? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. What have you been up to, Jordan? What have you been up to? What's going on in your world? Here's what I was doing the other day when something funny happened. Okay. I was in the park having a nice sit down and read. That was pretty good so far. What were you looking at?

Well, I've talked about reading this book before. This was a couple weeks ago. This is Glenn Weldon's Superman, the Unauthorized Biography. I was going to guess Nintendo Power Magazine. I know. Yeah. I have to find out how Power Magazine. I know. Yeah. I have to find out how to beat Little Nemo. Sure.

Cannot beat it. Yeah. So this is like a book. It goes over all the Superman stuff that there's ever been and how he's changed with the times and all that stuff. How he's pretty boring. Yeah, how he's pretty boring. Oh, boy. Don't anger Weldon.

Is Weldon a big Superman fan? Is that why he chose to write an entire book about it? Yeah. I guess it would stand to reason. So it's just he'll describe something. He'll say, like, you know, in 1980, they produced a sequel to the beloved Christopher Reeve Superman movie. And then just three pages of Z's as he comments on. No, I think Weldon's take is that Superman is kind of a Sisyphus character.

That the fact that he is so virtuous and he cannot possibly save everyone that he wants to, so he will always fall short of his goal and that's what makes him interesting. Oh. Yeah, it made me... Well, he also has to watch out for Mr. Mitzopitalik. Yeah, exactly.

Apparently the spelling of that changed over the years but just two letters switched. Anyway. It was just a copy edit problem. Yeah. I think a lot of the like Superman things were just like – like a lot of things we associate with Superman were like problems. Like apparently when he started out, Superman would just – he would leap. He would leap tall buildings. Like he would not fly.

But apparently for when they did like radio serials, the like flying noise sounded cool. So they're like, oh, he flies now. Like it was just some weird thing. So yeah. Anyway, so I'm reading this book. Just one day they ran out of green ink and that's the day they decided to invent red kryptonite. Right. Yeah, exactly. Oh, so many different colors of kryptonite. So you're in the park.

So I'm in the park having a little read. Slash cruise. Yeah, right. Exactly. I am masturbating behind the book. Right. I have not read a page of this thing. Sure. So this guy comes up to me, just a very standard looking dude. I mean, almost as, you know, innocuous as a dude can be.

Like the kind of guy who could have a hot wife on a CBS sitcom? Not even that. Like he wasn't even fat. Okay. Like not – yeah, not that even – not even that average looking. He was kind of tall. I would say that was his defining characteristic. Okay.

Mid-30s maybe. Was it Sonny D? No, it was not Sonny D. Okay. He's like, oh, what you're reading there, is that a Superman novel? And I said, oh, no, it's kind of like a history of Superman. It just goes through all the stuff. It's really interesting. This guy's like,

they're just trying to sell you the movie. Well, see ya. Truth bomb! I'm out of here! I like the idea that this guy is going up to people in the park and just slamming them, like whatever they're doing. It's like, oh, hey, Grandma, you watching your grandkids?

Yeah, you're going to die someday. All right, see ya. You know who that guy was, right? Hmm. Ralph Nader. Oh. Ralph Nader goes around the park just pricking people's fucking perceptions of the world. Yeah.

Just blowing up the bubbles, the bullshit capitalist bubbles that surround them. Yeah. Oh, you think your marriage is happy? Well, you're just feeding the patriarchy. Pow! Nader out! Oh, man. Do you think Nader was in a latex mask or something? Maybe you just didn't recognize him.

No, it could be. Maybe he's got some work done. Yeah. He's become dramatically less hunched. What if you were Ralph Nader's plastic surgeon? You could not get any referrals. Yeah. Ralph Nader would just be like, can we do 40% less Goblin? If I just looked.

Ralph, did you? Yes, I got some work done. I'll give you the referral if you want. I'm not really looking to. I like if Ralph Nader just gets power mad one day and goes to the plastic surgeon and writes, make me indistinguishable from the puppets of me at Burning Man. And he has to get giant hands. And he just smashes things. I'm sorry.

And Nader goes on a rampage. I'm sorry. I just got randomly slammed. I'm sorry that your dreams got crushed there. Yeah, I thought this book was a labor of love. Right. From a hilarious, knowledgeable fan. And a skilled cultural historian.

But now he's just in the pocket of Warner Brothers, I find. I find that he's just part of big cinema, and this was all part of some viral marketing ramp up. Can I say what I'm imagining happened when he said that? He did that thing where he lifts one side of his butt up higher, went... Yeah, gave me the old toots. He hit you with the toots, Jordan. Yeah, then there was like a smelly outline of him.

That's all that there was, was like a gaseous outline. Oh, you know who it was? It wasn't Ralph Nader, it was Mr. Mitzopitalik. Oh, man. Hey, kids, who it was? It wasn't Ralph Nader. It was Mr. Mitzopitalik. Oh, man. Hey, kids. Playing dodgeball? Yeah, your dad's gay. See ya.

Not that it would be bad if your dad was gay, but it might cause him and your mom to get divorced. Yeah, it would be a problem for him and your mom. Sure. If your mom didn't know. Maybe your mom knows. Could be a marriage of convenience. Maybe mom's into it. That's a really good point. Sure. If your mom didn't know. Maybe your mom knows. Could be a marriage of convenience. Maybe mom's into it. That's a really good point.

Yeah. I was going to say it was for economic reasons, but maybe it's a sexual thing. Yeah. Mom likes being ignored. Right. You know? Yeah. Mom likes being quietly jacked off next to while she's pretending to sleep.

Oh, yeah. That's my thing. I also saw Fast 6. Wow, that's the sequel to Fast and the Furious 5. It is. So how does it compare with the original? Boy, it's so good. Oh, it was so good.

Tyrese really steals the show in this. I've always been a big fan of Tyrese's acting. I'm right there with you on Tyrese. The only Tyrese movie I've ever seen is Fast and Furious 5. Yeah. But before I saw it, you said, you know, watch out for Tyrese. He's real fun. He's kind of the comic relief in this.

Him and Ludacris have kind of a fun, like... Ludacris is a fun guy. I want to go around and have fun with Ludacris. Yeah, Ludacris is pretty funny, but Tyrese has all the big laugh lines. And it really works. And it also kind of seems like he's maybe making it up. I mean, I don't know that I believe that Tyrese is a gifted improviser, but it seems like he is maybe— He has beautiful skin.

You know what? The man glows. Sure. And that's probably all improvised. He's probably not— The man has a physique like a jungle beast. Sure. Jesus, there's muscles on top of his muscles on top of his muscles, but live.

Yeah, sure. You know what I'm talking about? Live. And I loved the movie. It's really terrific. They use cars to crash a plane. There's a tank involved. How do you use cars to crash a plane, Jordan?

Oh, you shoot it with harpoons. From the cars? From the cars. You have harpoon guns. Couldn't you just get a harpoon copter? Well, I mean, these are Fast and Furious movies, not chopper to chopper movies. If you want to see some chopper movie, go to another movie. But you've got to have muscle cars, tuning cars.

But am I correct or mistaken in thinking Fast and the Furious 6, that's the sequel to Airwolf, right? No, Jesse. Is it not? That's a TV show from the 70s that was unsuccessful that my friend Ian's dad wrote. Wait. Ian Walden's dad wrote Airwolf? Yes, his dad wrote Airwolf. How is it possible that Ian's dad wrote Airwolf and Gene's parents wrote Hercules, the legendary

I don't know, because we have amazing friends. I think I feel like my friend. If anyone ever tells you Los Angeles isn't a fantasy world, just tell them. My friends from the podcast Jordan, Jesse, Go, Jordan and Jesse have two friends. One of them is Ian Waltersdorf. His dad wrote Airwolf. One of them is Gene O'Neill. His dad wrote Hercules, the legendary them is Gene O'Neill. His dad rode Hercules, the legendary.

And also was in Chud. I feel like Ian is the most talked about person on the podcast who we've never had on the podcast. Has Ian never been a guest on the show before? I don't think so. He might be a bad guest. He's a bit of a slow talker. Yeah. He is real funny though.

Very funny. If anybody wants to know who Ian is, just watch any commercial in America. Yeah. He is real funny though. Very funny. If anybody wants to know who Ian is, just watch any commercial in America. Sure, most commercials. He's the one that's not the black guy

with nerd glasses. Yeah. That's the other every guy that's in every commercial. Yes. Absolutely. And, Jesse,

there's a post-credit sequence. There is? There's a post-credit sequence. Does it set up Fast and the Furious number seven? Oh, does it? Can I? Okay.

Spoiler alert, spoiler alert, spoiler alert. If you don't want to hear about the post-credit sequence. Oh, I guess I should ask you. Do you want to hear about the post-credit sequence to Fast and Furious six, setting up Fast and Furious seven? I already know from a dream I had last night that they introduced a new character played by Martin Lawrence. Okay. Well, this is a different one. Yours was probably the DVD-only post-credit sequence, like the one in X-Men Origins Wolverine, where it shows that Deadpool is still alive.

Oh, wait. Deadpool is still alive? I know. If you watch the post-credit sequence on the DVD, but not in theaters. What's Deadpool? A character from a movie or comic book? Yes. He fights him in Wolverine, played by Ryan Reynolds.

Character's backstory has changed significantly. Wait, Wolverine is played by Ryan Reynolds? No, Deadpool is. I thought Ryan Reynolds was Ringman. He was also Green Lantern, but that's a DC comic, so he can be- Oh, he can cross over worlds. Yeah, although I guess fucking Captain America was also Green Lantern, but that's a DC comic, so he can be- Oh, he can cross over worlds. Yeah. Although I guess fucking Captain America was also Human Torch, so there's precedent.

Captain America was Human Torch? Mm-hmm. Wow. He must be a really good actor. He's a very- I mean, because you didn't notice. No idea. Okay. Spoiler alert.

Do you want to know? I do want to know. Okay. What happened? Do you find out know? I do want to know. Okay. What happened? Do you find out? Can I ask for a spoiler? Yeah. Do you find out in Fast and the Furious 6 what happened to the bank vaults from Fast and

the Furious 5 that they used to drag around between their cars and destroy everything? They all got married. Oh. There's a shot. Oh, that's what I hoped for. There's a shot of the two bank vaults on a beach in Rio with pina coladas. One bank vault turns to the other bank vault and says, it doesn't get any better than this, does it? And then the second bank vault says, well, it just might.

I'm pregnant. Whoa. I know. It's really touching. They're going to have a safe deposit box. A little safe deposit box filled with keys and grandma's brooch. I mean, and I think that fits in because the Fast movies at their core are about family. That's a really good point about the Fast movies.

Yeah. It's a sort of Airsats family, like the gang at Cheers. Exactly. Sure. That's why John Ratzenberger is in all of them. Right. He's the voice of the cars. I don't know about this, Vin Diesel.

Okay. He also does not call them by their character names, which is strange. Yeah, but I mean, he's only on the set one day. He's not going to learn all the characters' names. You know, if Ratzenberg's riffing, you don't want to say that the character's name is Dominic Toretto. Did you know that John Ratzenberger created the character of Cliff? He was just like an extra in the pilot, right? Or like a featured extra.

Yeah, he auditioned for Norm. And when he didn't get the part, he said, hey, have you guys thought of having like a know-it-all guy? Who's the mailman? There you go. Yeah. I think it's a kind of similar situation with like Creed from The Office. Yeah.

He was just kind of a background guy. And then they were like, this is an insane man. I was pointing a background guy and then turned out to be a hilarious weirdo. This is an insane man. I was pointing a camera at him. Who used to be in The Grassroots. 60s band The Grassroots. Okay, so what's the spoiler? Okay.

What is Martin Lawrence? Post credits. Okay. So I don't know if you know anything about fast chronology. I know that either Too Fast, Too Furious

or Tokyo Drift happens before the rest of the timeline of the other Fast movies. So Tokyo Drift is timeline-wise the last thing that happens. Between Too Fast, Too Furious and Tokyo Drift, we have Fast and Furious, Fast Five, and now Fast Six. Okay. So we go post-credit sequence in Tokyo during the events of Tokyo Drift. Oh, shit. We see – then this happens in Tokyo Drift, so this is not a big spoiler. We see the Tokyo Drift main character crashes car.

The Tokyo Drifter. Yes, the famous Tokyo Drifter. And then we see a figure emerge from the wreckage oh fuck it's master p jason statham i swear to fucking god it's statham he's on his phone and he's like is this dominic toretto we've got to talk boom and now i don't want to watch any other movie and now I don't want to watch any other movie. And now I don't want to fucking see Francis Ha. No. I don't want to see Superman. I just want to see that movie where Vin Diesel fights Jason Statham in a car battle.

Can you believe that? Can you fucking believe it? I can't. Mind blown. I can't imagine that. Yeah. I mean. Have we talked about The Rock's neck on this program?

No. He has a weird triangle neck. Well, he is a triangle. The Rock is made up of a series of triangles. There's a lot of speculation on Wikipedia about what his exact ethnic background is. Yeah. He's a triangle. Yeah.

He's a conical American. is. Yeah. He's a triangle. Yeah. He's a conical American. Yeah. Yeah. The Rock is great in this, too. Is he? Oh, yeah. The Rock is pretty good. The Rock is terrific.

I agree. I think that whenever, the fucking Rock brings it every time. When The Rock has anything to do, I mean, I'm basing this, let's be clear, I'm basing this completely on the Reno 911 movie. Mm-hmm. I've never seen him do professional wrestling. I don't think I've ever seen him in any other movie. But I will say, he's great in the Reno 911 movie.

Yeah. Oh, he was in Fast and the Furious 5, the one that I saw. I don't remember much about that. He does some jump punching in that. But I think he needs to relax his neck. Yeah? He needs to do whatever the reverse of exercising your neck is. Do you think the second he relaxes his neck, probably some poots?

Probably squeeze out some poots. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Awake. Mostly Awake is about Max, a young man who's recently homeless and hopelessly in debt until an eccentric metaphysical mentor. I can only presume that this eccentric metaphysical mentor is played by Morgan Freeman. Let's hope so. Otherwise, what's the point of making this movie? Yeah. Well, if you got Elliot Gould, that would be okay. Sure.

That's going in a different direction. Yeah, but it still works. Yeah. It's still metaphysical. Gould needs to work. Mulaney's pilot didn't get picked up. Okay. He gives him some really sweet acid,

helping him forego the need to eat or sleep. Anyway, kick-started. It was a kick-started on kick-starter. They use real locations in Bushwick, Brooklyn, all local bands. It's really cool. You can download the movie on the web. Go to

MostlyAwake.com MostlyAwake.com or if you're in BK. You could see it at the Brooklyn Fireproof on Wednesday, June 5th at 8pm. So there you go. Made by fans of Jordan Jesse Go. How bad could it be? It could be bad.

Sure. I haven't seen it. I bet it's really good. I think it's probably pretty good. It's probably good. I mean, they got Elliot Gould. And if they are fans, hopefully there is a reference to Chip Dixon or Dip Dobson in it. If there's not. Throwed rotten fruit. Yeah.

Go to the screen. Bring rotten fruit. Wait for that. If that doesn't show up, there's going to be a Q&A afterwards. That's why you brought them tomatoes. If he does, if there is a reference, just give that fruit to a mouse.

He needs it. He doesn't care if it's rotten. He was just excited to find some fruit. You know, that guy mostly has to eat peanut butter from traps.

Sure. You know what I mean? Gets him killed half the time too. Sure. That's why he's half dead right now. If you want to get up

on the Jumbotron, MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. If you want to sponsor Jordan, Jesse Go or any of our shows, email Teresa at Teresa at MaximumFun.org. We'll make it worth your while. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Point, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm going to have a sunburn on my neck.

Jordan, I don't even know how I'm making it through this show. Oh, man. You want to take a break and do a little aloe, aloeing? I don't even have any aloe here. Oh, well. Go to the dollar store, get some aloe. Well, on behalf of the listeners, we appreciate you, you know, powering through. Turns out to be 5W30 in an aloe jug.

That's why it was 99 cents. Sure. Mislabeled. That'd be a fun hook from the 99 cents tour. Like, some of this is mislabeled. Some of this is motor oil. Yeah, right? You open a banana.

Sure. Aw. Lighter fluid. In the shape of a banana. How was it holding the shape? The peel was so tight. Yeah. Did it compress it into the shape permanently?

Yeah. Well, no. I mean, when you peel the banana, the lighter fluid all spills onto the ground. I thought it holds the shape of the banana. That's why you're remarking upon it. How did it hold this shape? Well, how did the lighter fluid stay in the banana? Inside a banana peel. Right.

The peel is tight. We're in agreement. Is your character in this scenario some kind of developmentally delayed numbskull? He doesn't understand that a banana peel is the shape of a banana? Sure. No matter what's inside it, whether it's a banana or a lighter fluid?

Yeah, I think we agree on this. What point are we... What point do you need help with? Well, I just want to know what kind of guy takes a banana, opens it up, lighter fluid pours all over everywhere. Sure. Because you're at the 99 cent store where some stuff is mislabeled. So we're on board together through this point. Where do we diverge?

And then he says, how is it holding the shape of a banana? Well, obviously, because there was a banana peel. It's like a football. It's like if somebody opened up a football, he'd say, how is it holding the shape of a football? Because the skin is the shape of a football. It's full of air. It could be full of anything.

That's what you said, Jordan. Oh, is this guy a dumb guy? Yes, he is a dumb guy. How dumb is this guy? He's pretty dumb. I mean, he's eating bananas right in the middle of the 99 cent store where some stuff is mislabeled. I'm just saying when you describe that scenario and you leave out the part where it splashes all over everywhere, then I have to assume that when he peels open the banana, the lighter

fluid remains in the shape of a banana. And that's why he's saying, how does it hold this shape? Oh, no. Oh, you're suggesting like a magic lighter fluid. Or- Like JFK's magic bullet. It's frozen? Mm-hmm.

Oh, could be. Yeah, it could be frozen. Does lighter fluid freeze? Probably not. With an ice bullet. Yeah. The perfect crime. Oh, yeah.

Burned with a lighter fluid banana. The perfect murder. Charcoal lit with an ice fluid. The perfect char. When something momentous happens to you, our audience, we ask that you call us at 206-984-4FUN to share it with us. And you know what? Put that in your telephone right now. 206-984-4FUN to share it with us. And you know what? Put that in your telephone right now. 206-984-4FUN.

We always need good calls. Absolutely. You know what? You call in with a decent call, you got a pretty good shot of getting on the air. Oh, absolutely. Don't call in with a pile of bullshit. And you know what happens when you get on the air? Nothing.

You don't get anything from it. Well, you get notoriety. That's true. You get to impress your girlfriend. Yeah. She doesn't listen to the show. No. Your boyfriend doesn't listen to the show. He resents us. Right. Don't tell your boyfriend you got on Jordan Jesse Go.

He's going to come after us. Yeah, we don't want that. We are weak. We can't fight that huge dude. Where did you get such a huge boyfriend anyway? Softball team? Sure. He's got roid rage. Yeah, we don't want to fight that fat guy from the Softball team? Sure. He's got roid rage. Yeah, we don't want to fight that fat guy from the softball team. Jesus Christ, don't stick him on us.

How are you dating a triangle man like The Rock? Yeah. I mean, I think we could probably beat him if we know that the pattern is dodge, dodge, low punch, low punch, uppercut. Yeah. And then we get a star point. Yeah. But I don't know if I have those kinds of reflexes. Yeah.

I mean, I can read about it in Nintendo Power all day long. But applying it when you're fighting King Hippo. That's a whole other freaking scenario. 206-984-4FUN. Don't fuck this up for everybody. Let's take the first call. Hey, Jordan. Jesse, you go.

This is John from San Francisco. Let's take the first call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, you go. This is John from San Francisco. I just got off the train from work where I randomly had a shot, a jello shot with the lead singer of Smash Mouth. Apparently he and his entourage of bros were on their way to the Giants game. So there's that. Thanks.

What? Can you just have a jello shot in the middle of a train station? That's amazing. You know, it's like when Gavin Newsom, he stands up for what he believes in, the former mayor of San Francisco. You know, he married those gays in 2006 or 2007 or whatever that was. And he legalized jello shots in train stations. Four members of 90s stoner rock bands. Stoner, what would you call smash metal? What's their genre?

Party rock? Party rock, probably, right? Yeah, probably party rock. Yeah. Shitty rock? Oh, terrible rock. Oh, Shrek rock. Because all of their songs are from the soundtrack of Shrek.

Shrek core. I'm one of the leaders of the Shrek rock movement Yeah Like a lot of people trace it back to us There's been some other Some guys in DC were doing it I don't know if you've heard that song Butterfly That's probably

Right that was like We all heard that We were all at Crazy Town's first show Manchester 1975 And we just figured What if this song was sung by Mike Myers' voice coming out of a big green troll? And then there you go. That was a very loose interpretation of a William Steig novel. Oh, speaking of that genre of music and jello shots and another GQ article, did you read the thing about the Kid Rock Cruise this month?

There's an in-depth guy, a guy who they embedded in the Kid Rock Cruise. And I imagine as a – As a cruise entrepreneur myself. Entertainment cruise entrepreneur, you should take a look at this. It's funny that you mention this. Mark McGrath is the lead singer of the band Sugar Ray. Speaking of party rock bands. Sure.

And he had a cruise that we discussed on this program. And unfortunately, his cruise has been canceled. Due to lack of interest. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. He got lack of interest. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. He got hair bleach poisoning. I had named that Cruise my arch nemesis enemy rival Cruise.

And when it got canceled, I've been feeling really bad about that, especially since several people have told me that they've heard Mark McGrath is a good guy. Yeah. Especially since several people have told me that they've heard Mark McGrath is a good guy. Yeah. Now, they may be just describing the fact that he famously did very well on Rock and Roll Jeopardy. Yeah. However, I'm willing to believe them.

I have no reason to believe that Mark McGrath is not a good guy. He probably does a lot of sit-ups, which is a point against him in my book. But besides that, I mean, look, Ricky Henderson does a lot of sit-ups. That's one of the greatest guys ever. So if you're out there, Mark McGrath, probably listen to this show. Come to boatparty.biz. Your girlfriend doesn't like it. I – Your girlfriend –

She does not. We're too sexually threatening to Mark McGrath's girlfriend, who I'm sure is a fashion model. Right. Who do you think Mark McGrath's girlfriend is? Fashion model? Fashion model. Maybe like a Hawaiian tropic girl. Sure.

Yeah. Those are both attractive types of women. I'm trying to think of the female version of him. Like, I guess it would be like Gwen Stefani. Yeah. That's a power couple, but I guess she's married to Bush. Oh, I guess it would be like Gwen Stefani. Yeah. That's a power couple, but I guess she's married to Bush. Oh, yeah, she is. I forgot about that.

Anyway. So here's the thing. Mark McGrath, if you're out there, Mark McGrath of Sugar Ray, come to boatparty.biz. I will pay. I'll buy you a plane ticket to Miami and a berth on the Atlantic Ocean Comedy and Music Festival. That is my invitation to you, Mark McGrath, because you seem like a good guy. Do you think, how many Sugar Ray songs do you think John Darnielle of the Mountain Goats knows?

John Darnielle of the Mountain Goats knows so much about so many different types of music that I would say he knows eight Sugar Ray songs. Okay. Well, I mean, probably a lot to ask him to learn. Sugar Ray songs, Okay. Well, I mean, it's probably a lot to ask him to learn. Sugar Ray songs, famously technically complicated. I would suggest that Mark McGrath, if he comes on the cruise,

not only can he and Chuck Bryant from Stuff You Should Know, who's also going to be on the cruise, co-host a rock and roll trivia night, but in addition to that,

he can duet with our friend John Roderick. What about – It has to be along with this song. Are you opening this up to the lead singer of Smash Mouth? Absolutely. Who also got displaced from the cruise. You know what? This wasn't his cruise.

I had McGrath in my sights. I took him down and now I feel embarrassed about him. And I would love for Mark McGrath to come on the cruise. Have a great time. You know, bring the family, Mark. Sure. You know? Bring Miss Hawaiian Tropic 1997.

This is sincere. And Mark McGrath, I want you to know that if you come on our cruise, you will A, have a great time. And B, everyone will be really nice to you and happy that you're there. This isn't some bunch of pitchfork dick wads it's going to be a dick to Mark McGrath just because he came on a cruise for a different type of music than the kind of music he makes

everybody's going to be really nice guess percentage of females on the Kid Rock cruise percentage of women to men. Twenty five percent. Twenty five percent women.

Seventy five percent men. Sixty one percent women. Sixty. Can you believe that on the Kid Rock cruise? What do you why? Because he did that one duet with Sheryl Crow. That's great. Isn't that bonkers?

And he has something like a 75% retention rate. Like he's done it four years in a row and like 75% of the people were there all four years. He seems like a nice fun guy. Kid Rock comes off great in the thing. I guess he like, you know, just hangs out and gets wasted with everybody. He doesn't just, you know, sit in his state room. He's a horrible rapper and a bad singer. Yes. But I will say he is one of those guys who whenever I see him interviewed or he always comes off very well. He seems like a bright guy. He seems like

a fun guy. I mean, you know, he's an opportunist. You know, he switched to country music when he realized that he was never going to make it as an actual rapper because he was too bad at rapping. But he does seem like a... He seems like he has earned his stardom by being a genuinely

interesting public figure. Oh, I had another thing to say about Kid Rock. Yeah, seems like a nice guy in that thing. And when I started reading the article, I was like, oh, Kid Rock Cruise. God, what would be worse? What could be worse? What would be more of a nightmare? By the end, I'm like, oh, my God, how do I go on the Kid Rock Cruise?

I was totally into it. And then I remembered that I would probably have to listen to more than two minutes of Kid Rock music. Here's the thing. You get all the fun on BoatParty.biz, but you get to hang out with John Roderick and Nellie McKay and Dan Deacon. Well, I mean, I'm not challenging it. You think Dan Deacon's not going to hang out and get wasted with everybody? Will there be a men-only wet Speedo contest? That's a great idea.

Yeah. I mean, you will be lifting directly from the Kid Rock crews. A good idea is a good idea. Sure. I don't care the source. He doesn't have a patent on it. Yeah. I'm just saying, like, they seem to have a lot of fun, you know, innovative party games on this thing. He's an innovative part it. Yeah. I'm just saying, they seem to have a lot of fun innovative party games

on this thing. He's an innovative partier. Yeah. But I think we're going to have some fun. Okay. I'm buying a pitcher

of beers for everybody. To share. Yeah. One sip. One sip each. Let's take another call. We've got two more calls. Hi, Jordan.

Hi, Jesse. Hi, Adam Reed. This is Zach two more calls. Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. Hi, Adam Reid. This is Zach in Tempe, and I just heard a ridiculous baseball name. San Diego Padre Jed Jerko. Thanks. Bye. I like that he took a guess. Yeah.

He figured he just thought about who might be a guesser. This is C-Lab creator Adam Reid. Yeah, C-Lab. That's a good guess. And Archer creator. Sure. It's a bad guess because he lives in Atlanta, almost 3,000 miles away from us. Yeah.

I mean, I always really like it when we get suggestions for guests. I like it more, I will say, when I go on the internet and see that people are congratulating guests on a job well done. Yeah. That's my favorite kind of thing to see. That's number one for me. Nice to get suggestions. I like that people take no account into where people live. Yeah.

People will consistently suggest we get a David Mitchell from Mitchell & Webb. Sure. I mean, he's welcome on the program. Yeah. I'm not going to tell David Mitchell from Mitchell & Webb not to. I mean, he's welcome on the program. Yeah. I'm not going to tell David Mitchell from Mitchell and Webb not to come on our show. Just more likely to be in his home, the United Kingdom. Chris Fairbanks hanging. Yeah.

So, you know, thank you for the suggestions. Yeah. Would help if they live in L.A. Yeah. Also, it's required. We do this show in L.A. Yeah. Also, it's required. We do the show in person. Yeah, yeah. We're here.

We're here live. Sure. It would lose some of the magic if we were, like, Skyping them in or something, you know? We don't Skype anybody in. Yeah. We're not Skyping. But I like that he took a guess. We're already railroading guests as it is.

You know, I— They wouldn't get a word edgewise if they were Skyping. I like this Jerko guy, though. Yeah. The Padres. Jed Jerko. Jed Jerko. You know anything about him? I don't know if they were Skyping. I like this Jerko guy, though. Yeah, Jed Jerko. Jed Jerko. You know anything about him?

I don't know anything about him. I should. He's in the NL West. Sure. Padre's having a decent year this year, I think. Jerko. Yeah, Jed Jerko. That's nice.

Sounds like kind of a jerk, though. Fair enough. Are you worried that he might be a jerk? I don't know. We worked at the college radio station with a guy named mike jerkowski oh yeah he wasn't a jerk off but he jerked off that's true frequently so i don't know it was a chronic masturbator i um my i was always wondering why he had all that hair on his palms until i put two and two together my um my sketch group at ucb we are doing a kind of a big kind of experimental sketch show where we do – it's a kind of three-part story that you see over three nights.

Perhaps foolish. Perhaps a foolish endeavor, but we thought it would be fun to try. You guys have a loyal audience. Sure. Up, up, upsters. Oh, yeah. All the up, up, upsters. Oh, yeah. All the up, up, up heads. Yeah. The high guys.

Yeah, right. Exactly. That's what they call themselves. So it's the form of a Greek epic. It's called the Epic of Jercules. This is Hercules' brother. He's a jerk. I suggested during the first meeting that he meet Farticus.

And no one thought that was funny. I re-pitch Farticus in basically every meeting. To glares. Scoff. Farticus Poops and Toots is the name of the show, the Starz show. Yeah, Farticus Poops and Toots. Let's take another call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse Goh.

My name's Chris. I'm calling from New York. I know where he's calling from. He's calling from that scene in North by Northwest where Jimmy Stewart's running away from the crop duster. Okay. Press play. Sorry.

New York. I'm from Maine press play. Sorry. New York. I'm from Maine, but I'm in New York traveling with my family. We just stopped at a rest area, and a van pulled up to the pet walk of the rest area and got out, and then their alpaca got out of their van, and they led it around the pet walk area and then they put it back in their van and they drove off. And that's just something you don't see every day. All right. Well, have a good day.

Goodbye. Oh, my goodness gracious. Alpaca needed to stretch his legs. Oh, my gosh. He lives in a van. Oh, boy. Do you think they were smuggling? Do you think it sounds like they're smuggling that alpaca?

Do you think they have a vanity license plate that says pack and packa? Pack and a packa? If this van's a packin', don't come a knackin'? I don't know. If this van's alpaca, there's an alpaca in it. That's the bumper sticker. Okay, let's go with that. Brian, print those up.

Brian, go to dazzle.com or flubflazzle. One of those things where we get to make a bumper sticker without putting up any money. Yeah, go to freecreditreport.com. I don't know why you would do that. Oh, man, I wish I had an alpaca. What do you... I mean... Huh. I mean, they were obviously transporting it from one alpaca area to the other.

I want some new animals. Like in the world? Like you want science to create them? No, at my house. You want them to like sow? I want a tortuga. Yeah? Yeah, just a big old tortoise.

Yeah? Hang around, eat some lettuce? Oh, fuck. I'll get mad at lettuce. I'll give him a big carrot. Yeah. Hang around, eat some lettuce. Oh, fuck. I'll give him a head of lettuce. I'll give him a big carrot. Yeah. He'll just eat that. Not enough room.

I'm buying a house. Yep. Not enough room in the backyard to put any new animals. No. Teresa said I could even, if, Teresa said that if we bought a house with a big enough backyard, she would consider letting me get a mini goat. Oh, that'd be good. I mean, he'd keep the landscape clear.

Yeah. You could feed him a tin can if you want. What's the- A mini tin can. I don't, yeah. Like from tomato paste? Sure, yeah. It'd have to be food shaped into a can.

I mean, you don't want to be irresponsible. They do have a strong digestion. What's the urge for more animals? I guess I don't get it. I guess I don't get having pets and then the- I don't get the urge to accumulate pets. Number one, I have an urge to accumulate everything. Okay.

So there's that. Sure. I mean I also have, you know, 25 sport coats. Okay. I – you just think these pets are fun. But what if I had a new pet? Yeah. That did even a new thing that these pets don't do?

I know all the different things that Coco and Sissy do. Sure. Even Simon, I know most of his moves. Yeah. But I want a funny pet that does a funny thing. I mean, don't you see the slippery slope, though? I mean, you get bored of that pet. You get bored of that pet.

Pretty soon you got a menagerie. You're living the life. You're fucking Dr. Doolittle. Yeah? Or are you just crazy animal family? Pretty soon you're fucking dr doolittle yeah or are you just crazy animal family pretty soon you're fucking dr doodle oh yeah that's my goal is to put my penis into rex harrison's butt sure yeah you have to lip lift up the flaps of his tuxedo jacket the tails his day formal it's a stroller you lift up his stroller right yeah then right up the butt stick

it in there we'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. It's been a lot of fun talking to you, America. Yeah. Thanks for listening. And points abroad.

Right. I tried. We had these people visit us from Denmark the other day. Denmark? Yeah, Denmark. Danes. Yeah. And I tried to convince them we had a lot of Northern European fans.

I cited Ari from Iceland specifically. Sure. And they weren't buying it. They're like, we don't understand what would appeal to the Danish people about this. Well, yeah, because I was not appealing to them. Okay. And so they were disbelieving that we had fans in Northern Europe. I told them, hey, a listener one time emailed me from Malmo, Sweden.

Sure. And he wanted us to do a show in a decommissioned missile silo. Hey, sound off, Sweden, Switzerland, Greenland. Let's hear you. Switzerland is a sort of central European nation. Is that more central? It's in between Italy and Germany. Okay.

Switzerland, we don't want to hear from you. We do not. Lucerne, we don't want to Germany. Okay. Switzerland, we don't want to hear from you. We do not. Lucerne, we don't want to hear from you. Bern, we don't want to hear from you. Zurich, we don't want to hear from you. That's all your major. Yeah. There you go.

But Greenland. Geneva. Let's hear it, Greenland. International capital, Geneva. Where are you at? Geneva, Switzerland, focus on international justice. Sure. We don't want to hear about whether you're interested in Jordan, Jesse, go.

Yeah. You've got bigger fish to fry. Can I say- Namely the Kaiser. We're going to Europe. Yeah, totally. So fucking come. Yeah, right?

We're going to be in Edinburgh. Yeah. And London. You can make it to either of those. Come- I have no understanding about how big Europe is. Come to those fucking places, you jerks. Yeah.

It's a lot smaller. It's a shorter trip to fucking Edinburgh from Malmo than it is to Los Angeles. Yeah. Take advantage of the short trip. Get your butt in there. Get on the URail. Get yourself a URail pass. Yeah.

A fucking 18-year-old asshole who just graduated high school can do it. Bet Gwyneth Paltrow's got one. Yeah, right? She's got one just for show. She's always posting pictures of it on Goop, thinking she's better than us. With her $50 t-shirts and her year rail passes. Jesus Christ. If you want to teach a lesson to Gwyneth Paltrow.

Yeah, really show Paltrow who's boss. About how she was actually pretty darn good and looked pretty and attractive in Iron Man, the movie number three. She sure did. God damn it. And really disappointed me because I had tried to turn against her. Yeah. And then she did a great job. She really did a good job.

It gave the character more to do. Yeah. You liked her. And she carried the weight very effectively and she looks quite beautiful. Sure. She transcended the normal, you know, love interest role of the superhero. She set the

bar higher for Natalie Portman in Thor 2. I had always been disappointed with her. I had never cared for her romantically or sexually, and then I was confused when I found her attractive. She's, uh, her advanced years are suiting her, I think.

She's looking better with age. She's very elegant. Very elegant. She's an elegant woman. Sure, like a swan. That's why she runs that goop.com. Yeah. It's an elegant website.

Very elegant website. Extremely elegant. Pearls, diamonds. Sure. Pearl and diamond encrusted yoga mats. Yes. Go to MaximumFun.org. Click on the link.

Buy some tickets for our shows in Edinburgh. We're going to be at MaxFunCon next week. So no new show next week. Our apologies. We're going to be having a great time. We'll be doing a show though, right? We're going to do a show at MaxFunCon. So they'll hear it at some point.

Yeah, at some point. I mean we might put it up. We might not. We might make it a donor bonus episode. I'm just trying not to make any promises I can't fulfill. Maybe you'll get the episode. What if the whole thing's a disaster? I mean, that MaxFunCon audience is known for turning on their favorite people.

Very, very fickle. You know what? I'm thinking of Philadelphia Phillies fans. You are? Yeah. But, I mean, we had planned on having... Doesn't the Phillies have a weird mascot? Steve Carlton is our guest. Sure. The Philly Fanatic? Yeah.

We were going to have Steve Carlton and the Philly Fanatic as the guests on our show, along with Randall Cunningham. Do you think we can get Mr. Met? We can probably get Mr. Met. I mean, what the fuck is he doing? Baseball for a head, I guess. I mean, if I was to guess.

JJGo at MaximumFun.org is our email oh hey uh unrelated thing to the show uh i'm teaching a comedy class a sketch comedy class uh here in la if you're in the area it's at the west side comedy theater you think they'd hire someone funny for that am i right yeah i know but they didn't. Mr. Met, who's already booked. If you don't sign up for this class after Jordan said that, what kind of idiot are you? I know. Just out of thin air. Well, we were talking about him earlier. Yeah, this is the West Side Comedy Theater.

I think it starts June 13th. It's Saturday afternoons. It's eight weeks. Should be a lot of fun. Go to westsidecomedy.com. Click on classes. Or just Google Meet the Mets. Sure. on classes or just google meet the mets sure meet the mets meet the mets do you think there's a right up mascot the mets do you think there's baseball mascot porn out there you know how like there's like cartoon porn of like the simpsons fucking

i would love to see lucille get down and dirty yeah oh with thumper. Thumper the ace elephant. It would all have to be gay, right? There's no female mascots. I don't know. Lucille might be female. Yeah. No. All that thrusting. Yeah, there's the Seattle tramp.

What's the deal? Who's a tramp? Mascots, stop thrusting your mascot dick area. No one wants to see that. It's not funny. Yeah. It's not funny. Yeah. It's just creepy. But I mean, you're limited what you can do, you know?

But it's like an implied sexual assault. Sure. Do they do it to like fans? Yeah. They thrust them. They thrust them. Yeah, that's... It's like a dog humping you.

You don't want that. You don't want the San Diego chicken getting all up in your biz. Yeah, right? You don't want the crazy crab. You know about the crazy crab? getting all up in your biz? Yeah, right? You know what the crazy crab? You know about the crazy crab? I don't. Who's that? Crazy crab was the mascot briefly for about three, six months for the San Francisco Giants in the late 70s, early 80s, I want to say.

And he was the first ever mascot who was designed to be the bad guy. Oh, wow. Weird. He's the heel. He was the heel. Yeah, he was the heel because they figured that Giants fans were too sophisticated

for a regular good guy mascot. So they thought, well, what if we made him... Oh, so it's like a dark anti-mascot. Yeah, exactly. So this is the... This mascot was designed

by the future heads of FX. Yeah, but he was so... He was so reviled. So reviled that they couldn't... Yeah, that seems like a weird strategy. Like people would beat him up and stuff. No.

It seems like they should change. I mean, it seems like if he had an image problem, Crazy Crab. Right. They should just change the name to Quazy Quab. Sure. They're like, oh, that's funny. Quazy Quab? Quazy Quab.

K-W-E-S-I? Yeah. Like the African name? No, I mean just like a crazy with a speech impediment. Okay. Like all Africans have. Sure. Yeah.

Well, on that note. Well, I'm racist. See you guys later. 206-9844-FUN is our number. JJGO at MaximumFun.org, our email address. Love you by the free design. Courtesy of Free Design and Light in the Attic Records, our theme music. And hey, you know what?

This week, I've got an assignment for you, America. Yeah, sure. Find us mascot porn. If you can't find it, draw it. Get a friend to download the show. Yeah. Okay. That's probably easier.

Harder? I wonder. Well, I mean, it depends. We'll have to type mascot porn into Google when we get out of here, and then we'll see how hard it is. Yeah. You know, we might have to send Brian to the library. Sure.

Yeah. It's all on microfilm. Microfiche. Excuse me. I mean, a James Bond villain stole all the mascot porn. He's keeping it in the heel of his shoe. Sure. It's up in his airship.

But seriously, folks. You know what? I think your friends would enjoy Jordan, Jessica. I think they would, too. But seriously, folks. Yeah. You know what? I think your friends would enjoy Jordan, Jessica. I think they would, too. Maybe not this one. Get a guest. Yeah, get one with a good guest. Get one with a good guest.

Sure. Hey, Dana Snyder. Yeah. How funny is that guy? Everybody loves Dana Snyder. Yeah. That's Master Shake from the food cartoon show. They'll recognize the voice.

Yeah. Do it. Do it. But seriously, this week. Yeah. voice. Yeah. Do it. Do it. But seriously, this week. Yeah. If you, if your friend listens to a whole show

and tells us, the first person who emails us at JJGo at MaximumFun.org, the friend who listened to the whole show and never heard it before, will send the friend and you a t-shirt. That's nice. How about that? That's great. That's very, that's a great offer, I think. Yeah. Hashtag

it JJGo on the tweeters. We'll talk to you on the forum. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.