Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 285: Big Tornado with Nick Adams

Episode Date: July 29, 2013

Nick "Repeat" Adams joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Jesse's life on the road, Pacific Rim, the upcoming ice cream giveaway in Denver and a Driving Miss Daisy reboot.

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Nick, repeat Adams. I like that Nick just goes, he's, Nick's not afraid to get right into it. No. I'm an old pro.

He's not gonna wait for, he knows, you know, he knows, blah, blah. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. Get in, get in here, Nick. This is repeat. Yeah. I'm an old pro. He's not going to wait for it. He knows blah, blah. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. Get in here, Nick. This is repeat. Yeah. Announcing repeat.

Jordan, you were a little tardy for today's recording. I have to say, I was on time to the minute, and I stepped out of my car after driving seven hours from Northern California. Oh, my. So there's no excuse good enough for you, Jordan. Jesse has had what... We're still waiting for verification, but I think it's going to easily qualify as the whitest Saturday in the world.

He just drove in from Sausalito to do a podcast. To do a podcast. Yeah. It's the whitest Saturday. Are you going to go judge a mayonnaise contest after this? Where you eat little spoonfuls of mayonnaise and talk about the bouquet? I'm going to check how the barrel aging

of my Chablis is going. Gastro pub crawl. Absolutely. You know what? I did see one great thing on the way down from... Okay, two great things. I mean, just to... I know we're moving on,

but I know you said there's no... Did you stop and buy vegetables on the side of the road? I didn't. I didn't buy vegetables on the side of the road? I didn't. I didn't buy any vegetables on the side of the road. No farm to table here. But you did stop for a quick 311 concert, right? You just popped in.

Just stopped by. Yeah. I know you said that there's no— My regular woman boogied on briefly. I know you said there's no excuse for being late. Right. I was having a particularly good jerk session. Sorry.

Sorry. Moving on. Moving on. I'm going to say I saw one fascinating thing. Is 311 a good band for like stopping you to do white stuff? To jerk to? Only white people. Sure.

To jerk to? Yeah. To jerk it to? Yeah. You get that loosey goosey reggae beat. Well, here's what I like about it is they have the kind of like, you know, they have the more upbeat stuff. Right. And then they mellow it out with a little reggae tune, which is what you want in a jerk session.

At some point in like the early aughts, I remember opening up the LA Weekly and seeing like a huge letter like 311, you know, the concert listing. Sure. And then it was like with the roots. And I was like, the goddamn roots are opening for 311? Well, fuck the concert listing. Sure. And then it was like with The Roots. And I was like, the goddamn Roots are opening for 311? Well, fuck everything. Yeah, yeah. I always get the impression that that is a big thing that The Roots do is that they will open for a way less credible band that has a huge audience. Yeah, yeah.

They did a big – they toured for like a year with Dave Matthews. Sure. I remember a stadium tour they did with Dave. But you're the roots. You're not making money from selling records. Right. And if your choice is you're playing a 1,000-seat theater or you're getting that 50,000 ticket money. Right.

Second banana to Dave Matthews. Probably Dave Matthews is a nice guy. Sure. Sure, he's a lovely guy. And there's got to be what? Five to ten, I was going to say percent, but I'm just going to say five to ten people that will go to a Dave Matthews concert and go, I like those roots. You know what? I would say my guess would be I bet all those Dave Matthews people love it.

I bet they're super into it. Because those are the people who still pay for music. So they'll just go, fuck it. I'll buy a Roots album. This is what I think about why the Roots. We'll get back to the freeway. Yeah,ots, we'll get back to the freeway. We'll get back to the freeway in a second. And my jerk sesh. I think what

it is, is if they go on tour with a 311 or a Dave Matthews band, look, if they go on tour with, you know, Red and Meth or something like that, they gotta impress all these sort of slightly angry rap fans. You know, these kind of, granted if they're on tour with Red and Meth, they're gonna be 35 year sort of slightly angry rap fans you know these kind of granted if they're

on tour with red and meth they're going to be 35 year old slightly angry man and asian kids from san gabriel valley yeah but but those are all people where part of their shtick is how not impressed they are and i think that if they go on tour with a dave matthews sure either i think a significant portion of the dave matthews audience Roots. And then the rest of the Dave Matthews audience knows they should like The Roots because if they don't, they're racist. Sure. And they're super fucked up. And they're on a weird drug that makes you enjoy music more. And there's a band there, which immediately is going to give them a – like a 50-year-old person is just going to be like, there's just a guy

pressing buttons and another guy talking. I don't, this isn't a thing. But hey, there's a guy with a saxophone and the guy, they have a tuba. They look, they have a tuba player. Okay, this is music. This is a band. And then they start playing and you're like, this is enjoyable. And maybe you recognize, you know, Rapper's Delight or something when they do that fucking

medley that they do. Yeah, they'll do that medley and people will recognize it from the Jimmy Fallon show. Yeah. They'll say, oh, it's a cover of Justin Timberlake's classic bit. Yeah. At a certain point, I was like, listen, I love you guys, but the next fucking person who asks me about Timberlake and Fallon explaining rap music to America,

I'm going to punch you in the fucking stomach. The next person... Don't fucking do it. The next person who tells me that Justin Timberlake is funny, they're dead to me. I will never speak to them again. There's a level of proficiency that you, like when Ray Allen was in He Got Game, everybody was like, hey, hey, Ray Allen didn't do a horrible job. He said all the words that were given to him. He was all right.

But no one was like, Ray Allen, you should really focus on, no, no, let's just relax. do a horrible job. He said all the words that were given to him. He was all right. You know? But no one was like, Ray Allen, you should really focus on, no, no, let's just relax. But there's this like, like if someone does something else and then they transition

and they don't suck, everyone's like, hey, look at that guy. He's great. He's not great. He's just not awful. I think we are in the waning years of Justin Timberlake.

It's funny. I think he was at it zenith in, you know, let's say Love Guru. I think he has, I think Love Guru is what took him down a peg. I think he was at it zenith in, you know, let's say Love Guru. I think he has – I think Love Guru is what took him down a peg. I think he learned his lesson with Love Guru.

Well, if we're being honest, Love Guru took us all down a peg. That's true. It took America down a peg. America. I was having a really good summer until Love Guru came along. I haven't recovered. But I think right now it seems like the main times that Justin Timberlake pops up in a funny context are, you know, whatever Lonely Island is doing. Right, right.

You know, Jimmy Fallon-based things where his singing and dancing are the key. I don't think he's trying to be in rom-coms anymore. And like a certain percentage of youngish female genitalia vibrates at a certain pitch all across America. I'm not saying the genitalia doesn't vibrate. No, but I'm saying like there's enough of a vibration to just create, oh, he's funny or his music is good. There's just enough of that happening. Take down a couple bridges. Yeah.

Maybe in North Dakota, in the outskirts that haven't been maintained well. Surprise. Maybe it demolishes some abandoned houses in Detroit. It saves the city of Detroit a few grand. The vaginal vibrations. Yeah, no, I think he's good now. I think we're at a good place with Justin Timberlake and funniness and music to funniness ratio. I'm really happy that Justin Timberlake has realized that we don't want to see him in broad comedies.

We want to see him in intense sci-fi action thrillers. With a lot of time puns. I want to see him in intense sci-fi action thrillers. With a lot of time puns. The last thing I want to see in a pretty good movie is Justin Timberlake playing the dude from Napster. Like, that's the last thing anybody wants to see in a pretty good movie. Otherwise pretty good movie. Why does Justin Timberlake keep talking loud and fast?

Because he's a hustler. He's a shyster. He's a Napster. Making the scene. He's a Napster. I'm making the scene. He's a hustler. He's a shyster. He's a Napster. Making the scene. He's a Napster. I'm making the scene. He's a real Napster. Oh, man. I was listening to On the Media on my drive down there.

Wider and wider. One of my favorite programs. I always love to listen to On the Media. And they were talking to the director of a movie about Napster, the legacy of Napster. It's a documentary, right? It's a documentary. And I was thinking about it. And they're, you know, director Alex Winter.

And then like three minutes into the thing. Wait, director Alex Winter? I was like, wait a minute. This is the guy from Bill and Ted. He's like, and then he says, you know, I met Sean and Sean back in 2001 or something like that. And I'm like, the guys who founded Napster, they just wrote a letter to Bill and Ted and said, come over to our house and party. That's how they met. That's how they met.

Okay. Things about the road. Things about the road. Number one. The book was better than the movie. Now he's trying to make it sound tough, right? I was on the road. Yeah, sure.

Number one, I saw, do you guys, you know like a two-wheel car trailer where it picks up the front end of the car? Yeah, yeah. Okay, so I saw a Ford Expedition, sort of a pearl white top and a gray bottom. sort of a pearl white top and a gray bottom. It had one of those two-wheel trailers on it, and trailing behind it was a Ford Expedition with a pearl white top and a gray bottom, and it was magical. One Ford Expedition helping out another Ford Expedition.

You guys heading down to Expedition Con? Well, hop on board. I mean, and it's so uplifting because you see so much Expedition on Expedition Con? Well, hop on board. I mean, and it's so uplifting because you see so much expedition on expedition crime these days. And it's just nice to see them. Each one to each one. Right. Sure, sure.

Exactly. The other possibility, I think, is that they're about to get on a ferry to maybe, I don't know, I'm guessing like Australia after the apocalypse, in Mad Max type scenario. And they plan along the way to cannibalize the rear expedition for parts. Okay, yeah. Or there's just like a dude who lives way out in Upland somewhere who's preparing for the apocalypse

and what he's going to do is just bury two expeditions. So when it all goes shithouse, him and his wife just come roaring out of the ground like Chuck Norris in – I can't remember the movie. But they're just going to come rolling out and hit the road, fully stocked expeditions, like gassed up and ready to go. That's what I'm going to go with. Well, one expedition for driving, one for fucking in. I think it's possible.

You don't want to shit where you eat. That's true. Yeah. You don't want to drive where you fuck. That's true. Yeah. You don't want to drive where you fuck. That's better. That's better. Is it possible? I'm going to put it this way. Is it possible that someone was on their way to

a super fair race? What's a super fair race? A race that's really fair to both parties. Oh, okay. Yeah. I was just picturing the Scandinavian people in a foot race. A race that's really fair to both parties. Oh, okay. Yeah. I was just picturing the, like the, like Scandinavian people in a foot race. Like just

really fair white people. In my mind, they were barefoot. Albino race. Gwyneth Paltrow v. Rutger Hauer. Sure. Wingshauser. Yeah. It's under, the whole thing takes place under a grand tarp. You don't want to get too many sunburns. Or just one of those big, I tweeted about these, but those big hats that the Korean ladies wear.

Sure. In Koreatown that cover your entire body somehow. It's just a visor and it's just so big that you don't even, yeah, okay. They're also wearing white gloves. Is that a cancer thing or is it just like a i think it's a hygiene thing i think it's a chauffeur thing you think they're yeah for who you know rich guys just rich guys yeah live in koreatown middle-aged and older korean ladies to be their chauffeurs? Yes. This holds up. Yes. I don't – I mean, look, I try to minimize my inherent racism on this program. But I lived in Koreatown for a long time.

And I will just say that if I were going to pick a demographic to be my chauffeur, it wouldn't be older Korean ladies. Specifically older ones. older korean ladies specifically older ones there's a look there's plenty of young korean american women who are as as good at the skills necessary for chauffeuring as anyone else i'm just saying that based on my personal repeated personal experience just time after time after time literally physically jumping out of the way of cars, being driven at 15 miles an hour through stop signs by older Korean ladies. That's not who I would pick to be my chauffeur. I think it's like rich guys who are like looking for a thrill. It could be because they're used to being in motorcades.

Maybe that's it. So they don't have to stop for anything. Sure. Oh, you think it's rich guys looking for a thrill. Yeah. Maybe that former astronaut guy from Northern Exposure. I don't know. You don't remember that character?

I'm only aware of the moose that was in the credits. He was the rich guy from Northern Exposure. He was a former astronaut and a former pilot. I could see him seeking thrills. I'm just saying like between, you know, between Safari and Most Danger dangerous game is elderly Korean chauffeur. So, you know, drive you around, get on the freeway real slow. You're just some guy who works in finance. You don't love your wife anymore.

You're tired of the dominatrix. Yeah, you're numb. Nothing works anymore. You're stepping on your balls like she used to. And you just want some sort of challenge, some sort of thrill in your day. And that's what you go with. Do you think we could pitch a sort of update of Driving Miss Daisy featuring an older Korean lady and a thrill-seeking rich man? And he learns to appreciate her culture.

He's a Richard Branson type. I'm just trying to think of what beautiful young white actress we could get to play that part. Through the older Korean lady. That's what this whole project hinges on. Really stretch. Johnny Depp style. Misha Barton is like

I think so too. Cheyenne Woodley. Can I suggest something to you guys? What about Johnny Depp himself? You just blew my mind. I mean, it has everything he wants in a role. A hat and a weird voice. Tons of makeup.

Tons of makeup. A weird voice, and it's uncomfortably transracial. And you know, he's been saying for years that he's part Asian woman, guys. Yeah. He's very open about that. He lived with them for years. They made him an honorary member of the tribe. Yeah, they're cool with it.

I'm just bummed. I'm just bummed that the Lone Ranger movie didn't do good because I don't know what this means for my Amos and Andy script. Amos and Andy reboot is really – I was going to play Kingfisher in that too. I was going to update it for a new generation. Yeah, we're going to have to – okay. So thing number two about being on the road and this is something that i i spent a lot i you have a lot of time thinking when you drive from san francisco to los angeles don't don't try to urban it up and so sausalito sausalito to los angeles and i um sausalito to Newport Beach. Busted.

Yeah. Okay. When you sail from Sausalito to Newport Beach with Larry Ellison. Okay. So there's this thing that I – it could go one of two ways. And it's something that I'm really only familiar with as a man who's lived all my life as an urban or here in Los Angeles semi-suburban man. I'm only familiar with it from the side of roads. And I don't understand whether or not it is a hazardous thing.

So I'm going to take two positions on this. And then maybe you guys know something about this that I don't know. First position is it's not hazardous. I'm talking about dirt tornadoes. Farm dirt tornadoes. Oh, sure. I don't know if those are hazardous. I don't know how they compare to real tornadoes. They all

have one piece of paper in them, right? Like one blank white sheet of paper. They seem to be going really high into the sky, and that gives me pause. So, okay, so one possibility is they're hazardous. One possibility is they're not hazardous. They don't seem to be tearing anything up.

So my position on this is twofold. If they are hazardous, we should be doing something about them because I'm seeing a lot of them at the side of the road. This should be the kind of thing that Congress can take bipartisan steps towards fixing this problem. This is something that Republicans and Democrats can agree on. Well, I mean, I think the Republicans are all in the pocket of big tornado. This is small mom and pop tornadoes. That's true. Small business, the backbone of America. This is not giant and pop tornadoes. That's true. Small business, the backbone of America. This is not giant agronotos. Well, maybe they're looking to squash that kind of little rural tornado.

Here's the other possibility. In favor of the Halliburton tornado. Here's the other possibility. It's also possible that they're harmless. Because, again, I don't see them doing damage, although they seem really tall for a tornado that's not doing any damage. Is it like a sort of a circle of life deal? Like you know how they have to burn

some land down for whatever. Like sometimes they're like, we're going to do a controlled burn over here so the nutrients are... You got to thin out the herd. Right, whatever. Is it one of those deals? Like you got to let one of those tornadoes run wild or the other ones will come raining down on you. They're bringing the fish to spawn, for example. I think if they are harmless, then we should be celebrating them.

This is an economic opportunity for rural America that we're completely missing out on. Do you think it might just be viral marketing for Sharknado? Was there a little hashtag in it? Does Sharknado need further viral marketing? I love that anyone, does anyone who's ever used the internet not know about Sharknado? I think, well, I think they're like,

okay, we got this. We got everybody on Twitter. We got everybody on Facebook. Now it's just like long haul truckers who maybe don't have access to Twitter. Long haul truckers, migrant workers, gophers. They don't know. These are the only groups who haven't heard a shitty joke about shitty Sharknado.

I love two things about Sharknado. One, SyFy has somehow just managed to get a global pass on being shitty as all get out. Like nobody even holds these fuckers to any standard. Did you see how awful that fucking movie was? That's what they do. And everyone just lets it slide. They've been so shitty for so long, and everyone just lets it slide. Here's the thing I think to take solace in, R.E. Sharknado, is that no one actually watched it.

Exactly. There was something like— Is that true? Yes. There was something like there were three tweets for every one person watching it. So it's just one of these things that people were tweeting about. It was just an easy dumb joke to make. But in reality, it was one of the least successful of those movies they had ever had.

That really means a lot to me. Me too. I like that too. Me too. Because- Stop making shitty movies and just try to make it good. Right. I mean-

You're spending a lot of money. I feel like the only way that a shitty movie movie is, is fun to watch as if it, as if it was something that someone was trying at and it just turned out to be a disaster. Like that's fun. But the like bad on purpose is like, that's right. What are we making a joke about? A couple of times I've gotten my hands on like contracts for like, like because I'm in the writer's guild and somebody my agent was

somebody sent the wrong thing to my house whatever and i was just like i'm just gonna destroy this this guy you know get it from somewhere whatever but i did read through it and then another time i was able to see like a full bound you know binder of a contract on a movie i can't remember the name of it but it's like you're spending a shit ton of money anyway just to make an awful movie. Just to make a movie that's a fucking goof. How about go get a script and a director and make a good movie? Well, also, if you're going to make a movie that's campy on purpose, let a funny person write it and put funny stuff in it. Do you know how many jackasses that have gone to film school and are working in a comic book shop that are like, I have a great idea for a funny, campy thing?

Yeah, you know what comedian would have punched up Sharknado for free? Yeah. Any of them. Yeah. Any of them. They could have had just an open call. The first 4,000 people get to pitch one joke for Sharknado. Right.

And they're like, let's bring in a guy whose experience is probably in soft porn or something to make this movie. Here's my recommendation for the producers of the next one of those films, if they want to do what you did. I think Arachnoquake is one way. All you have to do is get Paul Scheer's phone number. Sure. And then he'll send one of those mass text messages to everyone in his entire telephone.

Right. And they'll all come. Yes. I do recommend that you provide bagels, just because they're going to be working for a while. Sure. They're going to get hungry. You need a carbo load. Yeah, but bagels are affordable.

But yeah. But I really enjoyed hearing that no one actually watched Sharknado. That really means a lot to me, too. Yeah, it's like one of those things like how a movie does real well at Comic-Con and then bombs. It's a Pacific Rim, Scott Pilgrim situation. Wait, did Pacific Rim bomb? Yeah, not a bomb, but it was a very expensive movie that didn't make a lot of money. I enjoyed watching Pacific Rim.

Yeah, me too. I thought it was great. I went to see the movie Pacific Rim on a date with my wife. I just returned from San Francisco where I took a one-week vacation with my family. And then you came home

and did Kaiju Jaeger role play. And we got to go on a- Let me guess who the Kaiju was. I'm pointing at Jesse. You're just saying that because I have this fish tail. That's true.

We dropped my son off at my in-law's house, Meemaw and Pop Pop. Maybe you would know them as Meemaw and Pop Pop. He slept there, and my wife and I went to a movie and dinner on the same night for the first time in two years. So you didn't have sex? We didn't. Well? We then, well.

There's no way you guys went to a movie. We were on vacation. We still had sex. That's three things. We did three things, Nick. And you won't believe what happened when we woke up in the morning. I'm talking about orange juice.

That's right. Yeah. It was fucking great. and we went to see now the problem is this is the time of year when all of the worst movies are available and the only i went to see this is the end because we were hoping to book a guest from that on bullseye and i went to see uh the heat and i enjoyed both of those movies those are big summer, and they have found them both to be very enjoyable. But outside of those, I didn't know what else. And I would like to see this movie that the District 9 people made because I like District 9.

Yeah, me too. I'm excited about that. I hope that it turns out to be good. But I went to see Pacific Rim just because it was the only choice that seemed like it might be good. Pacific Rim just because it was the only choice that seemed like it might be good. And it was remarkable because it is like the best movie that you could imagine an 11-year-old writing. Yeah. You know, I think what I like so much about the Guillermo del Toro movies, and I like

just about all of them, is that I think his English as a second language-ness is part of the charm of the script. There are some things that don't sound quite right, but in an amazing way. I have to say, my favorite, I saw Hellboy and really enjoyed it. I saw this movie and really enjoyed it. The only Guillermo del Toro movie that I've seen that I did not like was Pan's Labyrinth, which I hated. I hated Pan's Labyrinth.

You legitimately hated it or you hated how horrible you felt after you watched it? Yeah, what a slog it was. I didn't enjoy, well, I mean, that's why I hated it. I did not enjoy anything that happened in the course of the entire movie. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I just found it to be a miserable experience. Yeah, like I had been assaulted. Yeah, it is so funny how goofy his English language movies are versus how kind of grim and serious his Spanish language movies are.

But anyway, what I liked – Devil's Backbone. What I don't understand exactly is why – and I think I probably talked about this on the show at the time. And I think at this point years later no one is going to get angry at me for saying this anymore. Pan's Labyrinth? No. Well, that. People are definitely going to get angry at me about that.

But I went to see Avatar and just fucking hated it. I just hated it so much. I was so like, I just hated it. And I don't usually go see movies that I would hate.

I usually try and focus on going to see movies that I would like. So it's unusual for me to come out of a movie theater being like, oh, I fucking hated that. You get to a certain age and your radar's pretty good. Yeah, well, you know, there's a thing called film critics.

And they give you a pretty good idea of what the content of a film is and what its quality is if you read a couple of them whose criticism you understand. Also, Crash got Best Picture and people loved it. That's a good point. But I mean, did you know going into Crash that it wasn't for you, right? I didn't think it was going to be for me.

And then I saw it and had no idea how shitty it was going to be. I never watched Crash because from, you know. Yeah, you see the trailer. I understood that this was a movie that was definitely not going to be something I should see. But anyway, I don't know.

I don't think that Avatar was that much more stupid than Pacific Rim was. You know what? I think what is good about Pacific Rim is that it is a movie that is having fun being a dumb movie. Like Charlie Day is in it. Yeah. So you automatically.

Yeah. Charlie Day and Ron Perlman, they both look like they're having a good time. I mean, and it's like, you know, calling a movie like, I don't want to call those movies bad or dumb but like they're they're like that and they're having fun being like yeah you get this avatar wanted me to think it was a good movie yeah there's like your avatars uh man of steel's a good example of a movie that should have been way less serious than it was if there are people in your movie wearing costumes. Sure. Guys in tights and shit. You, right off the bat, have to take the whole thing significantly less seriously. Right.

And you can't expect me not to. There's a dude in tights. Is that? Yeah. Are you explaining why I liked Spider-Man 2 so much? Why that was like the last big blockbuster movie that I loved? It's why Iron Man was built to be a successful franchise. Because he's wearing a suit and he doesn't take any of the shit seriously.

So you know. You know what I saw last night? I went to see The Wolverine last night. And I think something that Hugh Jackman gets. He's still Wolverine? He's totally still Wolverine. He wants nothing more than to keep being Wolverine. Are they still printing money is the question you just asked.

I thought every Wolverine thing has been a failure so far. You know, I think people hate Origins with good cause. It's a bad movie. And the special effects are weirdly bad in it. So, like, not even the cool. The stuff that's supposed to look cool doesn't even look that cool. So, it's a crummy movie. What was the name of that movie, X-Men Mad Men?

What was that movie called? Oh, X-Men Mad Men? What was that movie called? Oh, X-Men First Class. Oh, X-Men First Class is great. He has a little cameo in that. That was kind of a snooze. The guy, Fassbender's in that, right? Fassbender's in that? Yeah, yeah.

I can watch all of these in 20-minute increments on cable. Yeah, they're made for FX. Something that I think Hugh Jackman gets really well that your Henry Cables and your Bale's don't is that it's fun to be in a superhero movie. And you don't have to be a wisecracking guy. Wolverine's a cranky character, but he looks like he's having a good time. He's not moping through the thing. And I mean, not to get too nerdy, but that's the essence of Wolverine. Like he is dark and weird and twisted.

But the Wolverine, like at least in the early days the comic when I was reading the comic was just like drinking beer and kind of taking the piss

out of everything for the entire run of the series can I ask you one question I'm getting back to the film Pacific Rim

and by the way you're listening to Wham Bam Pow with me Jesse Thorne Jordan Morris and Nick Adams well you know

it's Jordan Jesse Goh because it had a run of complaining about Avatar, which I think we've been doing for two years, three years? And one thing that left me in awe about Pacific Rim, and like I said, I really enjoyed Pacific Rim. It was a really fun movie, is some people in the movie did a really great job, and other people in the movie were really bad

and so did they have two casting directors one of whom was really bad yeah boy because no one in the movie was in it because they were famous or anything like there's no like oh yeah well you know that's that's you know that guy from sons of anarchy yeah they put those sons of anarchy fans they put him in there for his name or because of his contract demands. But, like, I don't know. There's some scenes in the movie where the movie, if you don't know, is about robots that the governments of the world create to fight these monsters coming out of an alien rift in the seafloor. And so... First of all, just to interrupt,

I wish they would do one of these movies and just the movie starts and there's fighting. Well, that's what happens. And they don't even do that fucking... But they never do that. Because it never makes any real sense and nobody fucking cares. You just want a guy to look into the camera and say, time to fight the monsters.

Go. Yeah. It was amazing. One of the things that I thought was most impressive about Pacific Rim was the way that they, okay, this is the sort of the structure of the movie. There's a literally 15-minute fight sequence, just cold, right at the beginning. Then there's maybe two minutes of exposition maybe three minutes of exposition which is done mostly through voiceover and then they're right back at it and what's amazing about the movie is no one there are look two of the characters who fly

No one – there are – look, two of the characters who fly the space robots are father and son. And one of them turns out to have a special relationship with another one. But there's no romantic plot in the film. There's – no one has a family. The only time we see – This is the father and son Australian guys. Well, that's what I said. There's two characters who are father and son. No one has a family.

Like there's no wife and kids back at home. There are the only shots of anyone who's not a shot of people fleeing robots, and a few crowd shots of, you know, like the guys that live in that are the spaceship engineers on the ice planet Hoth. And then. Right. That's it. They got. There's no. The only thing that.

What sort of caps do they wear? Because those guys always have to have a cap on. What sort of like little. Yeah. They got a. Like a work cap. Like a workman's. Like a space workman's cap.

Space construction. And there's no reason for you, they basically, there's a few internal reasons that you kind of care about the people. But basically, it just assumes that the thing you care about is monsters fighting robots. Yeah. Like that's where your emotional investment comes in. It's like odd because I feel like movies are getting more like video games

and video games are trying to be more like movies. I feel like so many big, big video games that you're supposed to love. And books are trying to be more like board games. News. A lot of the big... I don't play video games as much as I used to, but from time to time I'll let myself

just immerse myself into a Bioshock or one of those, you know, Batman, one of those big games. And they give you this huge elaborate cut scene and then you fight for like five seconds and then you get to another level or you open up a new world and there's another movie and you're like, if I wanted to watch a fucking movie, I would have watched the movie. Yeah. I want to play a video game. I don't want to-

I want to fucking play Tetris over here. I don't want to, but I feel like the two- I don't play Tetris over here. I don't want to. I don't care about the square block. I don't feel about long straight block. Let's just go. Let's just do the thing. I feel like they're converging on each other. Well that's what that was one of the wonderful things that I enjoyed about Pacific Rim. Besides I enjoyed

the fact that some of the actors seemed like they were on a soap opera. They were that bad. And some of the actors did a really wonderful job with their weird, awkward English as a second language dialogue. The more actors you see and the more like auditions you see, the more you realize that there's like five good actors. Yeah.

I'll tell you what. One thing that shocked me about Pacific Rim is there's a scene with a young girl in peril in the movie. And this girl is, I mean, the actress, I'm guessing, couldn't be any older than nine. And she just does. And it's the kind of scene where it's like a pivotal emotional scene in the film. And it's the kind of scene where typically it would be so embarrassingly shitty that it would ruin the rest of the movie and she does the best acting in the movie she's so genuinely affecting and i don't i'm trying not to give away too much of the plot of the movie

here's the fucking plot of the movie the fucking robots fight the sea fish monster um but it and then there's other people who are just a random Australian guy. It's just like they just went to Australia and said, I don't know, give me a fucking handsome guy. I didn't like that the main guy and his nemesis looked exactly the same. Exactly the same! At least give the evil guy a scar or a goatee. Maybe there's parts in the future.

Just like three parts right here. Yeah, little robot parts. A little robot face. We wouldn't have asked what it was for. It's the future. He's got a little bit of robot face. Anyway, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, This is Cameron Esposito. I'm Rhea Butcher.

This is Ricky Carmona. And we have a great action and sci-fi movie podcast. That's right, great. On the Maximum Fun Network. It is called Wham! Bam! Pow! Every week we review an amazing movie about blow-em-ups. Smash-em-ups. We call it a dick flick.

Yeah, we do. And you can tune in to the movies on Netflix Watch Instant. Maybe they're in theaters. It's going to change your life. Damn! You can subscribe on iTunes or listen at MaximumFun.org. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

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Love you. That'll be fun. Thank you to the, like, well over 500 people who donated to our Kickstarter to buy 1,000 ice cream cones for 1,000 strangers. This is both one of the dumbest and best things we've done in our seven years. I'm so excited. Looking forward to seeing the gang at Sweet Action in Denver. And, look, if you're listening and you're anywhere within driving distance of Denver, Colorado, Saturday, August 3rd, come down to Sweet Action Ice Cream and we'll give you a fucking ice cream cone courtesy of Jordan Jesse Go listener. I started getting worried about the foot traffic outside Sweet Action. Uh-huh. Well, a thousand people pass by that place.

Yeah, well, that's what I'm hoping. Here's the secondary thing. If you're a local radio personality. Oh. thing. If you're a local radio personality, if you're a local if you are either Lobster or the Doug, give us a call. Drop us a line. We'll come on your show to plug giving away a thousand ice cream cones because

we'll also make prank phone calls too. Yeah. Like if you need somebody to do that. Get the voices ready. What if we only give out? It's me. I need a toilet. What do you think about that? That's a Russian guy that needs to shit? It's me. I need a toilet. What do you think about that? That's a Russian guy that needs to shit? It's me.

I need a toilet. It's his catchphrase. Oh, that's his name? Yeah. That's his name? Yeah. Is it his name and his catchphrase? Am I?

He anglicized it. It's me. Me. Yeah. I need a toilet. God, I watched the second episode of the Netflix original series, Orange is the New Black. Mm-hmm. But Netflix original series, Orange is the New Black, lame series. And Captain Star Trek from NTSF, SDSUV, colon, colon. Yeah.

What's her name? Captain Janeway. I don't know. Yeah. What is her name? I haven't seen this. You know who I'm talking about. Captain Star Trek.

Yeah. She does a weird, I don't understand. She does an accent that is like that. Yeah. a weird, I don't understand. She does an accent that is like that. Yeah. And they explain her character's backstory in a sequence that could literally

be out of Perfect Strangers. So it's great. Now, R.E. R.E. that, and R.E. not wanting the internet to be mad at you, I think we're simpatico about this. Let's not go there. Whoa. I think that's a cow. That's a sacred cow.

I'm not really going to take that. I am all in, mostly because I haven't watched the show yet, so I am bulletproof. Let's do it. That show is, everyone that I've heard talk about that show, I think it's great. I know. Maybe it probably gets better.

Oh, you're thinking of high school. You're thinking of a high school for gay teens. Yeah. It gets better. A private school for gay teens. Hey, here's something that the internet won't yell at us about. Well, first, we have to go start our billion dollar idea. We just need a big endowment.

We like a lot of different things. It gets better, a high school for gay teens. We like tons of different stuff. I like Pacific Rim, for example. Yeah. It's okay to not like something. You just have to, you know. I'm nice about it.

I'm being nice about it. Everybody doesn't have to like everything. I like that there's a lot of different kind of lesbians on it. Sure. Good for, if I was a lesbian, I'd be like, check it out. Look at all these different kinds. It's the first television show ever with a bunch of different kinds of lesbians. Well, the L word, right?

Yeah, but the L word was like a weird. I mean, all the lesbians I know also like to watch the L word, but they all sort of resented it. They watch it out of a sense of obligation. The lesbian community is where the black community should have been like 30 years ago, though. You're just so happy to be represented at all. They're in jail, though? Okay, it's fine. Let's just watch it.

You know, you just... Okay, at least we're a part of the whole thing. They're letting us play. We're in jail though okay it's fine let's just watch it you know you just okay at least we're a part of the whole thing like they're letting us play we're in the mix yeah we're in the mix we're up in there doing something

okay let's get back to sweet action ice cream Saturday August 3rd thank you so much to the hundreds and hundreds lesbians get two no lesbians do not get two

I just doubled your whole fucking deal lesbians just get no that's not how it works. It doesn't... You don't just double it. You double the number... What do you mean you doubled it?

You doubled the number of ice cream scoops we give to lesbians. If you go with my plan, you get A, increased lesbian traffic. Which is great. We love lesbians here. Who doesn't? Yeah. So then you get... Some like sports...

Dudes thinking that there's a thing going to go down. here. Who doesn't? Yeah. So then you get some like sports. Some dudes thinking that there's a thing going to go down. I saw not to be a room full of straight guys talking about lesbians. Right. And I'm resenting myself for bringing this up, but something I saw I went down to Comic Con for a day

and unexpectedly thought that this was really hot. I saw a lesbian couple dressed as Mary Poppins in a chimney sweep. Whoa! Anyway. Sorry, guys. thought that this was really hot. I saw a lesbian couple dressed as Mary Poppins in a chimney sweep. I'm like, whoa! Anyway. Sorry, guys. Oh, man. That's pretty good. That's pretty strong work. It was great.

It's like venturing. Here's what I do love about Comic-Con. I've never been. I would love to go as someone who read comic books a lot. You probably wouldn't love it. I think I would love it. I would be drunk and or high the entire time, so I would probably enjoy it. That would help.

Yeah, it definitely helps. I would say go to a lesser comic. Don't go to San Diego. Go to your Wonder Cons. Go to your Emerald City Comic Con. It's a little exhausting and very smelly. Very smelly? Pretty smelly.

Really. It literally is very smelly. Well, you get that many human beings together, and things happen. But at a certain point It literally, like, not, it literally is very smelly. Well, you get that many human beings together and, you know, things happen. But, like, at a certain point, it was like, if you're into comic book shit, like sci-fi, action-y, you know, if you want to dress up as a mecha, you know, this is what you do. I think it's just pronounced mech, Ben. Okay. Sorry. Nerd.

He's talking about a Muslim pilgrim on his way to the heart dress up as the holy site okay okay Muslims all pray to a giant robot right

yeah at a certain point people just at a certain point people just like fuck it I got something else I want to wear

I want to dress up like Mary Poppins that has nothing to do with any of this but I'm gonna do it that actually happened to me when I went to Comic Con I was dressed as Ladybug Mecca from Digable Planets.

Did you have a pair of Jabot jeans on? I did. I had some Jabots. So, yeah, come out on August 3rd. Man, this is going to be so cool. Just one for lesbians is what we decided. One for anyone. Anyone who comes LGBT straight.

Dogs are not people. They cannot have one. It's good that you got that in there, though. Sorbet. We're going to have sorbet. There's going to be vegan options. Vegan horchata, perhaps. I'm off board.

You're off board? Yeah. You think they should have to suffer? Yeah. Suffer for their bad choices? Vegans and people with Crohn's disease, queue up and take your punishment. Hey, lactose intolerant, enjoy some diarrhea too. Get in here.

Nom, nom, nom, nom. Wait, so you're not just saying they don't get to participate. You're saying they still have to participate. They have to have the animal in their body. They have to compromise their morals and or health. Yeah. In order. Wow.

You know. Get in here. Hey, let me just put it this way. Internet, please. Be mad with Nick. You don't have his email address. Can I tell you another? Can I tell you one great thing that's happening to me?

Sure. This week. This is something that I only found out about on my way down here to Los Angeles. I'm in the car. Maybe we're on the grapevine. My wife's in the back seat. That adds up. That's on the way.

Pre or post-Kaushwitz? Post-Kaushwitz. Excellent pronunciation. Thank you. The boy is watching the Winnie the Pooh movie on a little TV. My wife is looking at her phone. She's looking at Facebook. Sure.

She says, hey, Jesse, there's a Facebook message here from Rohini. Now, Rohini is my wife's cousin's wife. She's a great lady. I have no beef with Rohini. I like her. But that's not enough to pique my interest. I think it's just going to be some bullshit about

somebody's pregnant and some cousin is pregnant or something. What married man response did you hit her with? Did you maybe give her a, hmm, one of those? Yeah, basically I gave her a, okay. You know, like an, uh-huh. I was listening. Look, I'm in the front. I'm trying to listen to Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Sure. I'm trying to enjoy myself with my friends Graham and Dave. You don't need to hear about a shoe sale or an apron party or a rolling pin bonanza on Facebook. Vagina swap or a Pinterest tag. Sure. You know. A douche nozzle. My wife adds to this.

She says. What are women? My wife's cousin's name is Luke. And she says, Rohini says she and Luke are wondering if anyone that they know in Los Angeles has a backyard where they can keep their pig for a few days. Hey. I said, I do. Wow. So tomorrow, my wife's cousin and his wife are going to bring over to my house their pig.

A 70s policeman. Their pig. You got to feed them donuts. Their pig Atticus is going to live in my backyard for four days. Oh, man. You are never allowed to make jokes about Los Angeles ever again. Los Angelinos don't have pigs, do they? You're going to have a pig named Atticus in your backyard.

George Clooney's pig lived in his villa in Italy. How do you think the dogs will react? Will they play with the pig? They're going to go shithouse. Will the pig hurt the dogs or vice versa? It's a mini pig. Okay. You know, it's like a pork belly pig.

Yeah. Do not carve the pig up and eat it, Jesse. We've got the curing house all built. This pig is strictly for futures. Yes. It's a frozen concentrated orange juice pig. So the pig and the dogs, we're going to find out. I mean, when it comes down to it, I love my dogs very much.

But the pig is going to be the priority. Sure. So if the dogs don't like the pig, that's on them. Yeah. Where are they going that's not pig friendly, that they can't take their fucking pig? Presumably like a Holiday Inn. I'm guessing a Holiday Inn. I mean, I don't know that for sure.

A Muslim holiday inn. Could be a Motel 6. Maybe don't get a pig. I don't know. Don't get a... I'm not getting a pig. No, I'm talking about the same thing. Now, I've moved on past your anecdote to questioning your family member's life choices.

Where are you getting a pig? Why wouldn't you get a pig if you had the opportunity? Because you got to pawn it off on somebody. It's a house pig. It lives in their apartment. I don't have get a pig if you had the opportunity? Because you got to pawn it off on somebody. It's a house pig. It lives in their apartment. I mean, they're adorable, but it's basically ferret, python. I mean, it's in that zone of like, here's a pet that inconveniences those around us. But a pig doesn't.

A pig is like a little dog or something. They're loving. They're smart. They're smart. They're clean. They go to the bathroom in the right place. They can be housebroken. Cockatoo. I think it's in that zone of pet to me.

It's not like they're bringing it to Starbucks on their shoulder. Sure. Well, they may be bringing it to Starbucks. I may bring it to Starbucks on my shoulder. I don't even drink coffee. Get it a little frappuccino. I can't even drink coffee. All I'm saying is, who knows what might be on sale at Superior.

Wait a minute. You got to let your guard down. Are you thinking that the owners of the independent grocery store by my house, El Superior, a.k.a. Superior Grocers, are going to break into my backyard, which is locked. It's a locked facility. And transform my pig into what? Chicharron? I'm just saying an enterprising young urban hunter might see an opportunity. Sure.

How about, you know, all I know about the butcher operation at El Superior is that one time when they didn't know what veal was and then made me feel really bad that I was asking for it. Are they – are your – what are these, cousins? My wife's cousin. Cousins. My wife's cousin and his wife. Is this a Ren Faire situation? What are they – where do they have a pick?

The Indie Rockers. Oh, okay. Indie Rockers. He's in a band. Okay. He's got a popular band in San Francisco. His wife is a classy Indie Rock type lady. Mm-hmm. Looks band in San Francisco. His wife is a classy indie rock type lady. Looks good in a vest.

Sure. You know what I'm talking about? Like a vintage vest. Yeah, yeah. That's the kind of operation they're running. They're running a very- What's their iced coffee situation like? What do they roll with?

Probably Blue Bottle. I'm going to guess Blue Bottle. I don't see any reason to suppose that they would stoop to the levels of Stumptown or be out of here. It's like poison in my mouth. From my Aunt Pig, maybe. But yeah, I mean, I'm sure that they are delightful and classy, but that is a we're being weird on purpose situation. I think when you go- No, pigs are so sweet.

Pig is a sweet animal. We are lousy with dogs. So is a dog. So is a cat. In every major city in America, there are facilities that exist with regular business hours and they are just dying for you to come and take a fucking dog. They'll basically give it to you. They'll basically give it to you.

Wait, wait. Let us make sure it can't fucking have other dogs before we give it to you. Give us like 20 bucks because we have to like clean these kennels and shit. But little pigs are so sweet. It sits on their lap and stuff. And a recumbent bike is a lot of fun to ride on. And circus skills are great for parties. Sure.

I'm sure Starz has very excellent programming. Jesse, I'm sure Starz is great. Everybody wants to hear your ukulele song. I mean, it's, you know. A pig is coming to visit my backyard. It's delightful and whimsical. Yeah, soy cheese is great. A little piggy is going to live.

Carob is just as good as chocolate. He's going to live in my backyard. He might find truffles. That's true. He could find truffles or oil. Then I'd be rich. I think Charlie Murphy is just as funny. Is that even funny?

I think Charlie Murphy is just as funny. You're just a high guy in college in 2004. Orange is the New Black is really funny. I mean, it's funnier than 30 Rock. There we go. It comes from characters. It finally happened. He broke the seal on it.

I would be funnier if it had jokes. Sure. Yeah. There was humor in it. I have to watch the show. Things that are cute. Sure. I'm out There was humor in it. I have to watch the show. Things that are cute. Sure. I'm out of the zeitgeist.

I have to watch it. It's not that bad. It's not a horrible show or anything. I just don't want anyone to tell me about it. I watched two. Maybe I'll watch more. Who knows? I think it's that you-

I may change my tune. It used to be if a show was like, if there was a show out there, you watched it, you didn't like it. That was the end of it. You didn't have to watch Twitter Twitter talk about it for a year. Yeah, I feel like I would have a lot better opinion. I feel like I would feel a lot better because Twitter and Facebook are part of my life. If I could just take those things that I didn't agree with Twitter and Facebook about,

i.e. filter it out. Yeah, if I could just say, hey, have fun over there with OITNB. Have fun over there with Sharknado. And then, like, right, I think it just seems like the world is into it because we are guys who look at Facebook and Twitter ten times a day. Well, because now people are literally in your face with it. Sure. Even if they're not in your face. Right, exactly.

And it's like no one actually watched Sharknado. But, I mean, for that week, we feel like that that's all anyone's talking about! You know, you monsters! But it's like, no, no one actually watched it. They are monsters, though, our friends. They're great. Our friends are monsters. Yeah. They're kaijus. Well, I'm a kaiju, so... You're a kaiju.

What kind of friends would you expect me to have? If they're not from the Rift, I'm not going to go out to dinner with them. You're not going to hang out with a Jaeger. Just like Control-F Rift and delete that shit out of your script, man. Nobody needs that. It's Rift. The Rift.

It's like, what's the Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck asteroid movie? Armageddon. Just cut to them on an asteroid. Who gives a shit, man? Wait, do they live on an asteroid like the Little Prince? Who knows, Jesse? You're thinking of the Little Prince. Yeah.

That's what you're thinking of. You're thinking of the Little Prince. I'm sure they also consider that for a name for the pig. The Little Prince. What's the Little Prince's name? That was a short list. I can't believe that you guys can't be happy for me that a pig is coming to live at my house for five days. No, because you have a kid, and I know how fucking batshit insanely happy my daughter would be if there was a pig around for a couple of days.

I'll give you a pass. I bet it's really fun. I think just with your outspokenness, R.E., look at me moves from people. This is a really bad look at me move. To be fair, I've also been outspoken about barnyard animals in an appropriate context. Sure. I've always supported miniature barnyard animals of every type. That's true.

Even donks. Speaking of barnyard animals, you'll appreciate this. This happened a while ago, but I went to the fucking, to the Grove down there. Which is a popular mall slash nightmare scape. Yeah. Simulated nightmare scape. Hellish daytime extras filming hellscape. But they just out of nowhere one day on like a-

What's the cause of your Grove trip? What are you doing? You seeing a movie? Nick lives there. I live within walking distance. Oh, okay. So it's the closest movie theater. It's the closest Apple store.

You know, if I'm out of whatever if i need socks j crew shirts he stops by zip on over but i was with my daughter and just out of nowhere they had set up a full-on petting zoo yeah they got that shit there's a secondary grove drop a petting zoo like i have to know going into you have to be emotionally prepared for a billy goat my daughter just lost like i have to know that that's what i'm going to be doing for an hour and a half. I can't. Me and my son fed this goat on our trip to San Francisco. We went to Train Town.

Look, it's a train that travels around the simulated town. Jesse, it's not for you. It's not like Orange is the New Black. You're not in the demographic of Train Town. So Simon and I and some family members visited Train Town and they got a stop. Train Town, the train from Train Town makes a stop. And there's three goats and a ewe, you know, a sheep. And so.

Not a ram. No, not a ram. Well, because. It'll butt the kids. Yeah, there's a lot of children. It's a lot of children. It's a lot of children at Chertain. Was this stopping at grade? Was the crossing at grade?

Oh, it was absolutely at grade, yeah. No concerns a WRT grade. And we fed that sheep. We fed some goats. We had a good time feeding some animals. But the petting zoo, the weird thing, I've only been to the petting zoo that's at the Grove's sister nightmare escape, the Americana at Brand. Which is immediately more nightmarish because it's in Glendale. Yeah, and Glendale is definitely worse than central Los Angeles.

I mean, it did. My father is from Glendale. I can honestly say it's worse. say it's worse. Although, you know, the high proportion of Armenians, as my father is wanting to point out, means that at least now you can get something decent to eat there relative to when he grew up. My favorite joke that when I worked on New Girl that never got in, which, you know, there's like a thousand of those if you were going to show, but at a certain point, the guys were going to have a landlord who was Armenian. And at a certain point, he was going to say

that he was going to be out of town because he was going to Little Armenia, which meant Armenia. A lot of Armenians in Glendale, Armenian-Americans, et cetera. Anyway, I met the Americana at Brandon. I don't know if it's like this at the Grove, but we went to go to the petting zoo. Oh, okay. I'm curious why you would go. So there's two reasons.

I've only been, I have gone a couple times because I have a water bubbling machine, and the cartridges, I had to exchange them at Sur La Tabla, and that's like the closest. You never get to make fun of anybody for anything else that we're going to do. Sur La Tabla. You never. Yeah. That's the closest one to my house. You could have just done that on your way from Sausalito to Newport Beach.

Exchange your- Just drop by, switch through the top headquarters real quick. So I've done that a couple times, but then I recently figured out that I could go to the Staples office supply store to do that. Sure, okay. So now I can just go to Staples because then I don't have to deal with the Americana Ed brand. But my wife will occasionally take them because they have a dancing fountain there.

And my two-year-old, he's really into the dancing fountain. And, you know, it's free. They have like a little play area for kids to run around. They have someone come and sing songs. He's really into it. I mean, I can't bring myself to go there and we try and do other things. But sometimes it's a free thing that he likes. But the petting zoo during the summer, I don't know, at some point there was a petting zoo going on.

And what's weird about it is it's just basically on the side of the road. Like there's no place, there's no appropriate place to put a petting zoo at this outdoor mall shopping center area. So it's just as though someone pulled up to the sidewalk and shot out a petting zoo with a bunch of confused children and just some scared looking bunny rabbits. And every child's reaction to a petting zoo is the exact same. 50% pure joy, 50% horror. Yeah. Like my daughter spent like 30 seconds slowly creeping up to this very timid deer

to pet it for maybe a second and a half and then scream and run in the other direction. Oh, it's kind of like a visiting Santa, Mickey Mouse at Disneyland kind of situation. I'm fascinated by this. Right, sure. The other problem with this petting zoo. So we call it the uncanny valley.

The other problem with this petting zoo is the texture of the skin is wrong. Sure, yeah, the eyes look dead. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, sure. Oh, I'm sorry, that's the movie Polar Express starring Tom Hanks. Just a random jab at an admittedly medium. Yeah. Oh, I got some Beowulf material directed by Robert Zemeckis.

Yeah, you want Zemeckis stuff, you're going to go to Jordan over here. I'll go all the way back to The Frighteners, guys. The Frighteners looked like one of those movies where you would see it on cable and go, this looks like it might be a really good movie. Nope, nope, nope. No, sir. No, sir. So the thing about this petting zoo besides that is because of the foot traffic, these are very popular shopping centers because they have a weird trolley that goes from nowhere

to nowhere and just makes a clanging sound and they got this weird dancing fountain that people are shooting videos of. Literally Italian families posing for photographs in front of this fountain. You're at the mall. It's just a mall. It's just a mall. It's a mall. It's got a J.Crew.

Anyway, so the thing about this petting zoo is because of the foot traffic, none of these animals are interested in the food. They have eaten their fucking fill. Right, right. Maybe you can get a goat interested in eating it, but that's just because maybe you could get a goat interested in eating a tin can. Yeah, well, the goat's broken iPods from the Apple Store. The Apple Store just brings over a tub of broken iPads, dumps them out, and the goats eat them. Bring out the third generations.

Still got a wheel? Yeah, let that goat eat it. Still got a wheel. I fucking love the petting zoo. I had way more fun than my daughter did, I think. Because I don't get to visit weird animals very much and pet them. And not that they're that weird. It's not like they got a wolverine and a Tasmanian devil.

Sure. Cabibara. God, I would visit a Cabibara petting zoo in a fucking second. That's the world's largest rodent. Nutria. Oh, Nutria petting zoo? Nutara petting zoo in a fucking second that's the world's largest rodent Nutria oh Nutria petting zoo Nutria petting zoo

they're soft right they're killed for their fur I think right don't they fur hunt them no I think they hunt them because they're nemesis but I think not nemesis

yeah I think they're they're invasive species yeah but I think they use the fur as a sort of substitute for real good fur you know like a mink Nutria?

yeah I think so I think a Nutria fur Yeah, I think so. I think Nutria fur is like a cheap, it's like rabbit fur or something. So you go downtown LA, get a Nutria guy, and back out. You want Nutria? I get you Nutria.

My friend, my friend, where is toilet? You want Nutria? I am character. I am character in backstory on Orange is New Black. There you go. You guys both got one in. I am weird mad TV sketch inserted into otherwise reasonably serious television program. You guys are on Gingy Cohen's bad side. Look out.

It's okay. I don't have anything to worry about. I'm not a big, brassy African-American woman. Is there a lot of sass? How high on the sass on the movie does it go? Luckily, there's a variety of different ethnic characters.

All sassing it up? You don't feel physically uncomfortable while watching it as you might with Weeds. Anyway, now that I've alienated everyone in show business and all of our listeners. Yeah. We'll be back in just business and all of our listeners. Yeah.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Moore's boy detective. Nick repeat Adams. Sponsor on this week's program. Our friends at Adult Swim. They've got a new season of Children's Hospital. Hmm. Sponsor on this week's program, our friends at Adult Swim.

They've got a new season of Children's Hospital starring the great Rob Corddry, a beloved Jordan Jesse Goh guest. And also, Jordan. A season of NTSF SDSUV starring Paul Scheer, another beloved Jordan Jesse Goh guest. Thursdays at midnight. I'm sure you've seen Human Giant, The State Stella, or at the very least, the iconic Wet Hot American Summer. Children's Hospital and NTSF SD SUV colon colon created by the same odd geniuses to bring you the same witty, weird, and hilarious comedy that you love. Both of these shows, incredible casts with favorites, brilliant people. I'm talking about Ken Marino.

Megan Malawi. I'm talking- Malawi? Malawi. Megan Malawi. Megan Malawi. I'm talking... Malawi? Malawi. Megan Malawi. Megan Malawi. The African strong-armed dictator. Rob Hubel. June Diane Raphael.

Lake Bell. And, of course, Paul Scheer and Rob Corddry. You can't miss it. Thursday nights at midnight on Adult Swim, Children's Hospital, NTSF, SD, SUV, your Thursday night comedy destination. That's basically all of our favorite people. I think I speak for Jordan when I say we both love both of those shows. Yeah, definitely. Sponsors or not, I definitely never miss those shows. They're hilarious.

You should be watching them. Watch those Thursday nights at midnight on Adult Swim. Nothing up on the Jumbotron this week, but if you want to get up on the Jumbotron, go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. It's cheap. It's easy. You can share your message with the world. And if you want to advertise on our show, I think we provide a pretty good return on investment. Yeah.

Let's say one million. Unless you're the folks at Netflix. Yeah. Email Teresa at MaximumFun.org. T-H-E-R-E-S-A at MaximumFun.org. Hey, they got all the Futuramas up there, huh? Watch any episode of Futurama you want. They took off Yo Gabba, those bastards.

Ah, thank God. It exhausts me. Watching what I want to watch. You know what we watch on the Netflix with Simon? Shaun the Sheep. Shaun the Sheep. That show's premium. Okay, I'll check it out.

My daughter's way into Pingu right now. I try to introduce something else, and she's just like, Pingu! Yeah, I am very, very grateful. Eleni Mendel, singer-songwriter Eleni Mendel, suggested to Teresa that they try Sean the Sheep. It is made by the Aardman Animation, the Wallace O'Brien people. It doesn't have any dialogue. It's just about this funny sheep and his adventures on the farm. And it's just really great.

It's not educational at all, but it's actually genuinely funny and pleasant to watch. You know what actually would be good for your kids that's up on Netflix is Twin Peaks. Is that on Netflix? It's on Netflix, yeah, all the episodes. Firewalk with me isn't up there, but you can rent that later if you want a supplement. Simon is really into pie, so I think he might like Twin Peaks. My daughter loves little people, so. Sure.

So between all those things, I think Twin Peaks is a pretty easy sell. Yeah. Well, you know, show them Blue Velvet. If they like that, they'll get that same sensibility. Right, the same sensibility. You know, it's funny.. If they like that, they'll get that same sensibility. Right, the same sensibility. You know, it's funny. It's funny that you mention that. Simon has been doing a lot of transcendental meditation lately.

Okay, sure. And he's really enjoyed David Lynch's transcendental meditation music. His music label that releases music for doing transcendental meditation with. Of course. Sure, sure it does. Anyway, he liked David Lynch. David Lynch's album was called Crazy Cloud Time. releases music for doing transcendental meditation with. Of course. Sure, sure it does. Anyway, he liked David Lynch. David Lynch's album was called Crazy Cloud Time. Sure was.

That's like, but I think you should, if you get that successful and that famous, you should absolutely indulge all that shit. Like Spike Lee should just start a line of just orange hats. Like just make bright orange hats to be worn only at Knicks games. Why the fuck not? You sell three or four of those, you know, it's all a write-off.

Come on. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. It's Jordan and Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,fun.org. We got some heat on the forum, by the way, for being judgmental of that guy who called in a momentous occasion that he had found a masseuse who gave happy endings. Oh, well, I'm fine with that. Yeah, I'm fine with that, too. I would like to retroactively not give that guy any judgment whatsoever. Oh, man.

I judged that guy. I judged him. There you go. Bob's your uncle. Maybe something you don't share in a podcast. Yeah, well, I just, I don't want someone to brag to me about it one way or the other. I have, look. Brag about not doing it?

It may be. I'll have you know, Thorne. It may be that it may be that if prostitution was legalized, that would reduce the harm from prostitution. I don't know. I'm not a public policy analyst. I'm going to reserve judgment on that issue. However, I can say that no matter what, whether or not it's legal, I don't want anyone to brag to me about it. OK, that having been said, let's take our first Momentous Occasion call. Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse. Hey, guest. I'm calling with a Momentous Occasion. I work at a retail store that has a kids club.

People sign up and they put down their kids' names and birthdays and they get a cupcake on their birthday. It's Burger King. I was entering the data from these forums into the computer the other day and realized that there were two boys named Deuce and Boom. That's like a playing card and an explosion. I'm just going to say right now, future tag team champions of the world. Thanks, guys. Yeah, I bet Deuce and Boom's parents have a pig. People that they need to give the neighbors to watch.

And like a developing meth addiction. That's okay. That's a different end. They're not full blown, but they've got their toes in the water. I'll tell you, naming children's tough. It's funny because when the first baby came out, I mean, I think you can make it a lot easier for yourself if you just restrict it to things that are names. Just keep it in the realm of names. And also, you know.

Not stuff. Go with noises. Go with an approved spelling that has been used for hundreds of years. Yeah, don't throw a Y in there. Yeah. The first child name, we had a great boy name, great girl name. We were very happy with. Boy came out.

We knew what we were doing. Boom, boom, boom. Lickety split. His name's Simon. We're very happy with it. This time around, we still had that girl name in reserve, but the baby's going to be another boy. And it's been really tough for us to come up with something. So the boy is just going to be Calista, whether he likes it or not.

With a Y. Yeah, Calista. Come on, Jordan. We wouldn't name a baby Calista whether he likes it or not. With a Y. Yeah, Calista. Come on, Jordan. We wouldn't name a baby Calista. I'm sorry. It's named Flockhart. Excuse me. Flockhart, yeah.

Not after Calista Flockhart. After the wizard Flockhart. If you've never heard of the wizard Flockhart, that's on you. Sure. That is your deal. Read book eight asshole there was there was a lot of discussion in in my family and i just want to say before i say you were surprised about the red wedding too but you were one of the people who was surprised when

that happened that fucking comment i want i want to say before flockhart before i mentioned this thing that i'm not inviting judgment because I don't like people. We've not talked about these things publicly basically just because we don't want to invite judgment. People feel very comfortable telling you what they think of what name you've picked. Just don't. Someone pick the name. It'll be fine. That's why pretty much nobody tells anymore, right?

Right. Nobody says it before the baby comes. But there was an intense discussion of, well, we very much like the idea of naming, of calling our child Archie. But we felt a little goofy naming the baby. We felt like we couldn't name the

child Archie, because then he wouldn't have an adult name to live his adult life with. You know, it's... Sure, yeah, that works till about 12. And then... Exactly. With all due respect to Archie Manning,

the father of the Manning family... Who's an old guy. Who's an old guy. He was probably lousy with Archies back then. Yeah, but you grow back into it around 50. Yeah, that's true. If you have like a windbreaker and you're always carrying around like a newspaper.

Hey, Arch! So we couldn't... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Archie doesn't want to hear it. We couldn't just name him Archie. We didn't want to name him Archibald. I know an Archibald, actually. If we had like Archibalds in our family or something like that, we might consider that-

Or you knew for sure he was going to be elected to the Senate. Yes. Like you knew he was going to be a senator at some point. Well, I think if we named him Archibald Thorne at the very least. Locked it in. Yeah, at the very least. Or Millionaire Shudden. We didn't want to name him Archibald.

Recluse. And we spent a long time wrestling with, and to some extent still are wrestling with, would it be appropriate for us to name him Archer, given that our favorite current television show is called Archer, which makes us feel very uncomfortable about it. And also that while it is an actual name, it has a little bit of the feeling of a made-up name. Like, turns out, it is a real name with deep roots and everything.

It's not just a surname. Deep roots and like oil money. Yeah. But it feels a little made up. Yeah. Archer's the guy who owns a minor league baseball team. Yeah. I see what you mean.

I mean, it's a little like fantasy-y and it's a little like, sure. Yeah. And it just, yeah, anyway. It does sound like a Game of Thrones character. The end of the, did you guys, you just, and Nick, you and your wife just had a second child. Yes. Did you have a hard time picking the names of the children? Like everything to do with your second child, we spent such, so much less time on it than we did with our first.

You're just like, whatever. No, it was it yeah i mean mary k it was something that i always thought i wanted to do the name was something that i had always thought i wanted to do but i just never knew if my wife would ever agree to let me pull the we named our son coltrane yeah it's pretty it's pretty good it gives him an out if he's like oh that's too much for me to deal with i'll'll just be Cole, which is just a normal name. Cole's great. Doesn't have to be any, no baggage.

I'll tell you. And it's because of your deep and abiding love of side characters from Gears of War. I love the actor Robbie Coltrane. Oh, okay. He is incredible. The only guy, I knew a guy named Coltrane. Look, I'm from San Francisco. knew a guy named Coltrane. Look, I'm from San Francisco. I knew people named Coltrane.

There's a church called the Church of St. John Coltrane in San Francisco that people go to seriously. I've been to that church. Okay. Not seriously. I knew a guy named Coltrane. He was a goof. You went as a goof. And it's a really lovely name.

And Coltrane appeared to be a really lovely guy. He had this beautiful child. And then it turned out he was sleeping with someone else in the office and broke up his marriage with his wife, with whom he had the beautiful child. And the name Coltrane was ruined for me forever. What about Rob? There's like a thousand Robs fucking somebody on the side right now. But there's only one Coltrane fucking somebody on the side, and he happened to work in the same office as me. See, that's the problem.

With a distinctive name, it poisons the whole well. Never, you can't work with a distinct name. Yeah, I guess if you have a distinctive name, like, you owe it to everyone around you to not be an asshole because you ruin the name. I feel a little bit like that about Jordan. I feel like it's an unusual enough name to where, like, I'm the first guy people usually think of if, like, they know me. Like, there's probably not another Jordan walking around. Or even if they don't know you. Sure.

I mean, personally. They would know your reputation. Sure. As a fuckmaster. Sure, as a fuckmaster. Is that what it's called, being a fuckmaster? Yeah. That's what the kids are called.

And, yeah, so that's why, I mean, like, God, there's guys, there's a lot of pressure being a constant fuckmaster, you know? I understand that. I mean, with great power, right? Listen, Margaret, you know, that was the best I had. Everyone can't be stellar. And you know what she says? Jesus. Not exactly masterful.

That's why I'm trying to include... More like a Danny Masterson. That's why I'm trying to, like, get, kind of meld social circles with busty British page three girl Jordan. You're familiar with her. Yeah, yeah. She has giant breasts. So, yeah, that's why I'm kind of trying to like combine our social circles.

That way like I get off the hook a little bit. You know, people maybe associate her with some things, me with some things. So just I don't feel this fuckmaster pressure all the time. Have we ever addressed the fact, something that I learned through having a Google alert set up that did not have quotation marks around it, that there is a porn star named Jesse Jordan? That's funny. Might be Jordan Jesse. No, Jesse Jordan. That sounds right, right? Jesse's not a last name.

It's a good porn star name. Jordan could be. Jesse Jordan, right? I don't know. We'll get to the bottom right? Jesse's not a last name. It's a good porn star name. Jordan could be. Yeah. Jesse Jordan, right? I don't know. We'll get to the bottom of this. We'll use the internet. Brian, can I just let you know, if you're going to Google that, please do it on your personal computer.

We have one more call. Go into private browsing, Brian. Go into private browsing. We have one more call to listen to. That's the reason Opera exists as a browser. Just fire Opera. Let's run it out exists as a browser. Just fire opera. Let's run it out. Hey, Jordan.

Hey, Jesse. This is Ryan from St. Paul. I just got mugged for the first time. Guy knocked me over, punched me in the face. Grabbed my phone, I punched him in the face and chased after him, and he threw it back at me because he was scared. Now I think I have a concussion. I'm going to go lay down.

Bye. That's what you're not supposed to do, isn't it? Yeah, don't lay down. I hope you're listening to this now, live. It's still a concussion. Oh, man, that's insane. See, that's amazing. I have been mugged.

It's been a long time since I've been mugged. But as a young teenager, I was mugged regularly. It may seem like a little bit of an overstatement, but with some frequency. Periodically. I was periodically mugged as a young teenager. And it was terrible. It was terrifying. Were you mugged more or less times than Barack Obama did cocaine? I'm going to say more times than he did cocaine, but less than he smoked pot.

Well, yeah, because he was doing it. I think probably between the ages of 11, and I probably stopped getting mugged around 15, because I got to be over know over 6 for a day and probably the muggers in my neighborhood had heard that I only had $2 I think just there was a period where it was just like white person you know what I mean and then they share

information I think in the mugging community and they said oh that skinny homo only has $ dollars so it's not worth mugging mugging on it was like a mugging list serve yeah exactly yeah they got an email list it was an early they had an aol message board um alt dot mug dot news group. Now you got to get a reader. What? Oh, this is so annoying.

I don't get it. But just terrifying. Just so terrifying. I would never, if I was mugged today, and you know, I'm a big dude. You know what I mean? But if I was mugged today, there's no fucking way I would strike the person. If I was mugged in St. Paul, I would throw down. I would just be like, fuck it.

This is St. Paul, Minnesota. You're trying to mug me? Let's fucking have at it. Who's trying to mug me? Jerome from Morris Day in the Time? Is it Jesse or Jerome? Just punch the guy right in his hat ear flaps. I said

I'm not going to let you. Lift them up. Take that sound effects guy from a Perry Home Companion. I can imagine being Muggs. Give me your phone. I give him my phone. He's like, oh, huh, Windows Phone. You like it?

Yeah, it's good. Yeah, I mean, there's not a lot of apps. It's a little disappointing that they don't have some of the apps you would want. There's some apps. I mean, I don't do Instagram. He's like, oh, God, me either. I mean, I don't need it. What about the tiles?

How do the tiles work? I like the tiles. Yeah, the interface is really elegant. It's a really elegant interface. You just wish you could get a few more apps. So you think you're going to keep that? No, you know, I think I'm going to wait for an iPhone. On the fence.

On the fence about whether to, yeah, this is good. And then at the end of it, you'd punch me again. Yeah, you'd just have a nice conversation. Yeah, and then I'd get punched again. That's an American hero, though. Can I say one? This guy's going to be dead by the time this airs, right? Sure, because of concussion sleep.

Can I say one? Or he's going to be on an NFL roster in training camp. Can I say one more thing about getting mugged? This is not an advice podcast. Let's say you ever find yourself getting mugged. Just give the person what you have. They need it more than you do, and it can only go bad. It's amazing that this guy, that somehow this worked out for this guy,

except with the exception of the concussion. Yeah, yeah. But there's so few positive outcomes from doing it, and so many negative ones. How much money, realistically, what do you got on you? $80? And you're going to call and cancel everything? Yeah. Just come on.

Look, is it a hassle to have to go to the DMV and find your birth certificate wherever you put it? Not in St. Paul, probably. No, probably not in St. Paul. It's probably a very pleasant experience. Nice, yeah. Yeah. They got a big picture of John Moe up on the wall. Trying to think of some more

St. Paul stuff. Local, yeah, local heroes. Bill Murray, one-time owner of the St. Paul Saints baseball team. Yeah. I think if you're in,

just don't, just give it, just give it up. That's what I learned in my time as a mugging victim in my five-year stretch of getting mugged periodically. Just give it up. Just give it up.

Just give it up. What are you fighting for? Well, it's not like jail, like where, oh, you just got to beat up one guy, and then everyone knows you. The muggers aren't going to be like, oh, that guy. Oh, that guy. He fights back. Although, to be fair, they did share the news about me only having $2.

They spread that around. Anyway, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Nick, repeat, Adams. I have really enjoyed my time

on this week's program. It's been a lot of fun, guys. It's a good one. It's a good one. It's a good one. I'm looking forward to going home and spending some time with my dogs. Looking forward to the pig delivery tomorrow. You guys can't. The good news is this, guys.

Okay. You guys can't prick my balloon. You guys can't deflate my joy that a pig is being delivered to my house tomorrow. I'm going to enjoy that pig. I'll probably give him a hug. I'm going to feed him some pig chow, whatever that happens to be. Is that a real thing? I don't know. Probably.

I figure a domestic pig probably eats pig food and not just slop. Well, not slop, but like, you know, I don't know. What do you think he eats? Do you think he eats cat food? No. I don't know. I don't know what. Crickets? He eats mealworms.

Pigs are kind of in their hunters. They're natural hunters. Pigs will eat whatever though, right? Yeah, I think that's part of the deal with pigs. Yeah, that's not too bad. You're like, I'm not going to judge pigs. I like to eat different shit too. Low maintenance is good.

Yeah, I'm excited. I'm really excited. I don't think that I need a pig to live at my house although my mom had a good friend who had a pig that lived at her house

and my mom has never said an ill word about this pig that she knew for many years. If I'm going to have some foreign man live at my house

they're going to chip in. It's going to be like chicken. They're going to pull a plow. Yeah. They're going to do something productive. Come on. I can understand

that position. You're going to need a goat and you're going to need to be making some goat cheese. I'm into that. Nick's into it. I'm into goat cheese. You're going to need to weave something out of their beard clippings. Or my beard, like a joint. Oh, yeah, you could tie your beards together.

That would be cute. A goat's beard and a man's beard tied together. Oh, boy, how'd you guys get like that? Oh, trouble. This is an early Guillermo del Toro short film. Oh yeah.

Man, goat, beard. Guys, let's pitch this to YouTube. Yeah, I like it. Hey, I do want to mention Oh yeah, but it'll also have like nail art tips in it.

Oh yeah. The man goat who's, the man and goat whose beards are tied together will also teach you how to do nail art. Can I just say, I kind of like that nail art is a thing. I think that's pretty fun. If I was a lady, I think I would have a good time with nail art. You know who likes nail art? Craxworth. Okay, sure, yeah.

Uh-huh. Okay. Friday, August 9th is your last day to buy tickets to the Atlantic Ocean Comedy and Music Festival. Friday, August 9th, your time basically has disappeared. Look, bring your wife. Bring your husband. Bring your children. Don't bring your pig.

You're going to have to find a pig sitter. You're going to have to find a pig sitter. Thorns are not available we're not gonna be available they're gonna be on the boat that week but seriously if you miss out on this

you know you're gonna be disappointed for a full calendar year a full calendar year of having to live with the fact that you missed out on the opportunity

to see what it's like to be on a boat with Mark Maron unless it's like to be on a boat with Marc Maron. Unless there's like a pirate situation. In which case, I would be glad you didn't do it. I don't know. It depends on what kind of pirates. Yeah. Are these like saucy fun time pirates? No, these are like the hardcore former child soldiers.

And now they love alternative comedy. Sure. They're just there for the comedy they don't want to steal anything they're not they're not

they still have their machetes they're not there to see just like down front in Marc Maron's show just like very intense but it's for the comedy

it's not for the music so they're not there to see a Nellie Mackay a Dan Deacon they're not fans of the Mountain Goats they don't like literate pop music.

No. They just want, like, left of center, slightly rambly. They're big Wyatt, they're Wyatt Cenac fans. Yeah. These are the guys, these are the pirates who will tell you about how they went to the old Largo. Right. Before it moved. It's not the same.

I went to Largo when it was on Fairfax. Okay, I saw Naked Trucker, you know, so I know what I'm talking about. You guys probably don't even know who Laura Keitlinger is. Say those parts. Girls Guitar Club. Man, there's this part in the Girls Guitar Club short film where in the premise of the film is the Girls Guitar Club, which is Marilyn Rice Cub and Karen Kilgariff. They own a vintage store together.

And one of the customers, I'm going to say it's Nick Swardson, comes in and he just says, it's just the perfect 1995 thing. He comes in and says, hey, how much is that? Is that baby coffin in the window for sale? And either Karen or Mary, I can't remember which, just says, if you had a baby coffin, would it window for sale and either karen or mary i can't remember which just says if you have it if you had a baby coffin would it be for sale and then they just turn away oh i love it so much okay anyway that's it boatparty.biz buy your tickets now if you're gonna buy them because they are going off sale august 9th we've got hundreds of people coming it's gonna be a fucking blast. It's the only themed cruise

that Wired Magazine has declared to be maybe fun. It's pretty good. We finished ahead of Kid Rock and Weezer. Oh my God. On the maybe fun scale. Being on a boat with Kid Rock. Sounds pretty great.

Sounds like a good time. Sounds like a shit-kicking honky-tonk of a good time, doesn't it? and honky tonk of a good time doesn't it I mean that's like the number one context I can imagine enjoying Kid Rock in

yeah right I mean I don't want to watch his concert or whatever but it seems like it would be fun to be on the Kid Rock cruise yeah

does seem like a good time oof Christ okay I I apologize Nick I didn't mean to make you upset

no it's just a disturbing thought it's been a pleasure to make you upset. No, it's just a disturbing thought. It's been a pleasure to have you on the program, as always, Nick. Always fun to be here in the old box. Watch out for Nick Adams' name on your favorite television programs, beloved writer as well as a beloved podcast guest. And we'll see you, number one, we'll see you Denver on Saturday, August 3rd. Number two, we'll see you Edinburgh and London.

We don't have the London info up on our site yet. Still nailing down a few things, but it's going to be right after our Edinburgh trip. And we expect you all to show up. And no disrespect to my lesbian sisters, nor to my lactose intolerant or Crohn's disease suffering brothers and sisters. We're just goofing. It's all love. This is like what Don Rickles does. He used to do at the end of his life.

Hey, you guys are all right. But seriously, lesbians can be hockey pucks sometimes, right? We can all agree that lesbians can kind of be hockey pucks. Hockey puck is so magical. God bless you for hockey puck, Dan Rickles. Oh, boy. Dan Rickles is like his Gallagher, too. Dan Rickles? puck, Dan Rickles. Oh, boy. Dan Rickles is like his Gallagher, too. Dan Rickles?

He said Dan Rickles. No, I said Don Rickles. I thought I heard Dan Rickles. You're in the nosebleeds. He doesn't look quite as fat. He looks younger. Is he Chinese? Watch out for the black guy.

He's stealing your wallet. He's on the drive-by. Wait a minute. You are cheap, Drew. But there's no subtext. It's just the... Oh, wait a minute. That's just the real Don Rickles doing an ethnic routine.

Our producer, Sonny D on the boards, Brian Fernandez, 206-9844-FUN, JJGO at MaximumFun.org. MaximumFun.org. MaximumFun.org. You can find all of our smash hit podcasts. We've had some great bullseye episodes lately. I hope you will listen to it. And me and Jordan

just guest hosted two episodes of Judge John Hodgman that I think you will enjoy. Yeah. It's us doing some judging. Yeah. I really,

I listened to them. I think we did a good job. I wouldn't just say that. I think we did a good job. I'm proud just say that. I think we did a good job. I'm proud of the work that we did. Give it a listen. We'll see you next time right here on Jordan, Jesse, go. Maximumfun.org.

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