Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 292: Deez Nuts with Dan McCoy

Episode Date: September 23, 2013

Daily Show writer and podcaster Dan McCoy joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of spiderman, Jordan's recent internet fame, and the boat party.  

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Beautiful day in Los Angeles. I myself, I just got back from the zoological gardens. Ooh. Yeah, the Los Angeles zoological gardens. Have you heard of them? Are all the animals in bloom?

Yes, they are. It's animal season at the Zoological Gardens. They're so ripe, they're falling off the trees. Oh, man. I had a really great time. Let's bring our guest into the mix. You know him, of course, as one of the hosts of the Smash Hit podcast, The Flophouse. But if you don't know him as the host of one of the smash hit podcasts, The Flophouse, one of the hosts of the smash hit podcast, The Flophouse, you probably know him as the Emmy-nominated, geez, Louise. Yeah, you're having a little, little, little. Ten days off. You didn't do your vocal warm-ups.

The tip of the tongue, red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather. Emmy-nominated writer for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Emmy-winning? Emmy-winning. Yeah, I won an Emmy last year, although, as I was explaining to Jordan, last year I did not go to the big primetime Emmys. We have a weird deal where we're, like on one off with the creative arts Emmys. So this is my first time with a big show. Wait a minute. Yeah. What? Dan McCoy. It's Dan. Dan McCoy. Dan, welcome to the program. You probably don't know, by the way, as one of the writers of

The Daily Show because writers for shows aren't famous. Well, I don't know. I think a lot of our listeners out there have like the writer's list. What is it called? The list of writers? The writing staff? You're thinking of the blacklist of who's a communist? They have the writer's list of the Daily Show tattooed on their biceps. Sure. Very strong listeners you have because we have a lot of writers. No, it's a weird deal that they struck with. Basically, they're people who write for the Oscars or other award shows who wanted their category to be in the big primetime show.

So because the Writers Guild West is more powerful than the Writers Guild East. Yeah. West Coast. A little deal got struck that was to their benefit and a little less to ours. Can I ask you a question about this Writers Guild situation? Is that why Tupac had so much better of an acting career than Biggie did? sort of gun battle to strike out between the two of our various unions because there are issues that I feel like the Writers Guild West pushes through. So what is the category that you're nominated in, that you and your fellow Daily Show writers

are nominated in? Comedy, variety, special. Well, not special. Sorry. Series writing. So that is put on par with people who write for the Oscars? Wow. I feel like we've gotten into an area right off the bat that could possibly get me into trouble.

But, yeah, I think that— We should explain that your father is Oscar. Is the movie Oscar. Sorry, Sylvester Stallone. The Muppet Oscar. the Oscar. Sorry, Sylvester Stallone. The Muppet Oscar.

The funny thing is our head writer, Tim Carvell, writes for the Oscars oftentimes. So there was a weird kind of like shaking your fist back at home like, oh, damn you. You still won, Tim Carvell. You master of both worlds. But you still could. You can still win. You just don't get to go on TV and so on and so forth. Yeah. It was perfectly wonderful.

You know, look. What do you get kicked down to? You get kicked down to like the daytime Emmys? You're competing against Days of Our Lives? You're competing against people like best sound editing for your random police procedural. There's some pretty good gags in Days of Our Lives. That's true. I mean, I'm not familiar with the show,

but I'm pretty sure that you're correct. It's a lot of physical comedy. Yeah, they do a lot of physical stuff. It's sort of like, have you ever seen America's Home Videos? Mm-hmm. America's top home videos? America's Home Videos? America's sexiest home videos.

America's sexiest. What is that fucking joke called, though? America's funniest home videos? America's home videos? America's sexiest home videos. America's sexiest. What is that fucking joke called, though? America's funniest home videos? America's funniest home videos. Or AFV, as it's known now. Yeah, America's funniest videos. It's sort of like that, but with a powerful and emotional narrative thread. A lot of, like, dads getting hit in the crotches with wiffle ball bats, but then they go into a coma.

Right. They get groin injuries so severe that they lapse into comas. Yeah, there's a lot of forgetting your own name because you fell off a jet ski. The problem with this, I've realized, is I've listened to your show for so many years that I kind of just go into a space where I'm just like, oh, I'm listening to my pals Jordan and Jesse. So you feel like you should like do some dishes, check some emails. I should really be doing my physical therapy exercises right now. Dan, is it fair to say that without us and our work, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart wouldn't even exist?

I can't go that far. I don't know that Jon Stewart knows exactly who you are. He nodded to me in a hallway once. I will say that it's fair to say that my own podcast would not exist without you guys. I mean, that's high praise. That's like the best podcast. That's a pretty popular podcast. I mean, that is a smash hit podcast.

I don't know if you'd heard The Flophouse. We were written up in Parade Magazine. Maybe you've heard of it. Yeah. Howard Huge. Home of Marilyn Vos Savant. You just were an answer in the jumble? Yeah.

I like to believe that that's how my dad discovered that I had a podcast. What do you know? Now, you know, we have a – this is bound to be a jam-packed show. We have a guest who's here to win an Emmy. Yeah, sure. You just got back from a cruise. Sure. And the botanical gardens, the animal gardens?

The zoological gardens. The zoological gardens. Can I tell you what my son Simon said at the zoological gardens? This is all I really have to say. Okay. This is a direct quote that I wrote down what my son Simon said at the zoological gardens? This is all I really have to say. This is a direct quote that I wrote down from my son Simon. We went to see the serval. You know the serval, of course, Dan.

This is a jungle cat that jumps like it's on a trampoline. It's famous for jumping like it's on a trampoline. Like straight up? As discussed. Yeah, I mean, an astonishing distance. I believe it's 15 feet. Okay. It's not a huge cat either.

I mean, it's larger than a house cat, but smaller than. Look, we're getting too deep into defining what a serval is. Is it important to the story? No. I mean, I'm just saying that in the past we've discussed servals on the program. I just want to point out. Those are cervixes. We went to see the serval, my son and I, and he wasn't out and about.

And my son said, my son's two years old, just barely two years old. The serval isn't in his backyard. He's probably taking a little snooze in his house. He will play again outside. We can see a type of goat. I like that he wasn't too choosy. I feel like that sentence, that sentence is like something you have to learn to write when you're learning English. Like someone who's like- It has all of the letters in the alphabet.

Yeah, it has like- The quick brown serval like some prefixes. Some conjugated verbs. He's probably taking a little snooze in his house. When did he learn that phrase? I guess he just assumes that like your dogs, each animal has an outside life and an inside life. And the outside life takes place in the backyard. Yeah.

The inside life takes place in their house. So, yeah, I think he just thinks the Serval has a family that has a mommy, a daddy, a kid. Right. And, you know, it's just in there, you know, mauling them. The good news is whatever animal is not out and about, we can see a type of goat. You can't see a type of goat. There was a variety of goats. What type?

Who's to say? Mountain. Yeah. You go to like a carpeting store and you choose the type of goat out of a goat sample. That's the one. I have to say the Los Angeles Zoological Gardens, they've got a great collection of animals. I have to say the Los Angeles Zoological Gardens, they've got a great collection of animals. And certainly their huge elephant enclosure, the Elephants of Asia exhibit is very impressive.

Relatively new exhibit. But overall, I would say they're strongest in goats and goat-like creatures. Yeah. Anything... You're bounding animals. Anything... You're bounders. Anything that's sort of like a deer, sort of like a cow, sort of like a zebra, but isn't a zebra. That's the center of their strength.

Just a thing that can jump or bound, a thing with a strange horn. Just something from Madagascar that you've never heard of. That is very similar to another thing, but has a completely different name. Yeah, and just is a whole other animal. Well, anyway, that's the end of our segment, Things My Son Said While We Were at the Los Angeles Zoological Gardens. Jordan, I cut you off. Oh, no, that's okay. I mean, and this is related because I have a kind of – it's just kind of a kids say the darndest things moment too.

I was at the library the other day and by the children's section, they had this – Can I ask what you were doing at the library the other day, and by the children's section, they had this— Can I ask what you were doing at the library? You know, when I have a little bit of work to do, I like to get out of the house. Also, Jordan is homeless. Yeah, I also like to go there to wash and masturbate. I guess I just assumed that you would go there to twerk. Sure. Yeah, well, that's been... I feel

like that, you know, that lady did such a good job with that library twerk. What's the point? She owns it. What's the point? So, yeah. So I was there and they had this chalkboard by the children's section with all of these blanks and

the phrase, before I die, I want to. And then, you know, people could come and fill in these blanks with chalk. Two things stood out about this. There were three separate in different penmanships. I want to meet Spider-Man. I want to meet Spider-Man. I like that because, like, maybe the first kid did it and then the second kid came up and he's like, ah, shit, that's good. No, I was going to say solve world hunger, but, like, that asshole has it right.

But then – so there's three separate I want to meet Spider-Mans and then, you know, just some other stuff. I want to be a singer. I want to, you know, I want to meet Spider-Mans and then just some other stuff. I want to be a singer. I want to have a doggie. And then at the very bottom, kind of out of the way of all the other things, someone wrote, who said I was going to die? And I feel like maybe like there's some sort of like omen situation going on in the Fairfax branch of the public library. Like maybe the child has been born who is going to bring on the apocalypse. Damien. And he's Damien.

Yeah, for instance. And then he is giving us warnings on this chalkboard. Like should I notify a priest? Oh. Well, maybe you should just notify Spider-Man. Oh, yeah. that's true. Is Spider-Man equipped to deal with that, though? If you get the chance to meet him before you die. That's true.

We could all just walk out the door, get hit by a bus. You could die having never met Spider-Man. And Spider-Man could kill us. I'd say it's very possible we could all die without meeting Spider-Man. Yeah.

I'm glad that that prompt was in the kids' section of the library. Yeah, really remind kids that they're going to eat it at some point. But also, I feel like if you put that

in the adults' section of the library, that will go badly very quickly. That would be putting too much trust in the public's hand. It's either going to get

very dirty very fast or very sad very fast. Yeah. Like before I die, I hope that I hear from my estranged daughter one last time. Sure. Can I ask you a Spider-Man related question? You may. Is this something that happens with a superhero or has ever happened?

Where the story in the comic book is Spider-Man shoots. Spider-Man has web shooters. Dan, I'll explain this to you. Spider-Man has web shooters inside his wrist. Okay. Inside the wrist. He designed and built them himself after he realized he had super jumping and strength powers. I mean, later on he had a costume that was an alien symbiote, but that's a whole other storyline.

We're splitting hairs here. Does Spider-Man ever shoot at Doc Ock? That's his primary rival. Some fat man with robot arms, eight robot arms, extremely powerful. He shoots at him, Dr. Octagon, Dr. Octopus, he shoots at Dr. Octagon, the Cool Keith side project. He shoots at Dr. Octopus,

Dr. Octopus dodges and it hits just a bystander and the bystander dies. Does that ever happen in comic books? I mean, I think, I think, you know, they try, I guess realistically, and I think this is a question that the new Superman movie brought up a lot.

It's like, in reality, superheroes probably would just kill a lot of random people based on, you know, the degree to which they're fighting. But yeah, I mean, I think in the comic books, that would be, you know, that would be a huge event if they randomly killed a bystander. Also, you know, I'm just going out on a limb here because, Jesse, you just explained to me what a web shooter is now for the first time. Having had no experience with Spider-Man before, I think that maybe you're overestimating the lethality of just getting hit by a web. You'd probably just incapacitate them. It's mostly like a sticky thing, right?

Yeah, it's like getting hit with a handful of caramels. Something we've all experienced. Think about the last time that happened to you. Did you die? Sure, when I was robbing that caramel factory. Yeah, that caramel factory heist gone awry. Man, you had such a good crew together. The last thing I expected to find was that elderly night watchman.

Sure. Elderly but ferocious. Right. Oh, gee whiz. But here's the thing. What if it goes in your nose? That's true. Yeah, I guess it has suffocating.

Suffocating powers. Suffocating qualities. What if you're a little fella? Or if you're standing next to an open manhole. You got it. That's also a problem. Allergies. Web allergies.

You don't know who's got them. Let's say you're allergic to symbiotes. Sure. Or you're allergic to – And you don't have any Benadryl. Boy geniuses. It just so happens that the spider bit the one teenager in the world who has the power to invent a web slinger with the most strong tensile strength. The convergence of abilities here is like why didn't he just fight crime before he was bitten by a spider? I mean you could call it amazing.

You could call it spectacular. You could call that ultimate. Wait, hold on. Well, I mean, what if he had gotten bitten by like a bear? And had died. A bear-like physique. But could also shoot webs.

A magic bear. Just like the magic spider. Like a brother bear. Yeah, a radioactive nuclear bear. Well, a radioactive nuclear bear. Okay. And he gets bear- Well, make up your mind, Jesse. Is it radioactive or is it magic?

Because those are two very different things. Radioactivity is a type of magic, as I understand it. So he gets what? Bear-like strength, a bear-like ability to scoop salmon out of rivers, and he shoots webs. Because he's a boy genius. He has this web- web shooting chin on hand. I was going to say, he has a bear's proportional desire for honey. Oh, I want so much honey now.

It's distracting how much I want it. It's calorie dense. He needs calorie dense foods in the summer months. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. This is Biz. This is Teresa. We host a show called One Bad Mother. We're a comedy podcast about parenting.

Not a parenting podcast. And for some reason, we seem to be most popular among single dudes with no kids. Weird. The only advice you'll get from us is when we tell you to stop feeling like shit for being a mom. Or a dad. Or, you know, a single person with no children. Find us on iTunes or at MaximumFun.org. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Dan McCoy, the beast from the east. Yeah. I like it. Dan McCoy. This man knows how to take the rock to the hoop. You know what I mean?

Mm-hmm. Put the ball in the hole. Mm-hmm. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. Hat trick. Balls in a hole. Yep. Shove them down there.

See what happens. Maybe it'll feel good. Who knows? Yes. I am very proud of our 1,000 Cones video. Mm-hmm. Done very well on the internet. Mm-hmm.

People, of course, can go see it at MaximumFun.org slash 1,000 Cones. However, I can't help but notice that another video on which we collaborated or it was frankly your video to which I contributed. Sure. Has just dramatically outlandishly outpaced the video that we created. Yeah. Well, I mean that's kind of a – it's a little bit of a dubious distinction. But Dan, for you, I – He was bitten by a radioactive spider. I was bitten by a radioactive spider.

Oh, congratulations. And I've just been fucking killing random people left and right by accident. I mean I'm trying to hit the vulture. Yeah. I'm trying to hit electro. Thwip, thwip. I just can't do it. I'm just hitting random pass vulture. Yeah. I'm trying to hit electro. Thwip, thwip. I just can't do it. I'm just hitting random passersby.

A lot of them are allergic to webs. Some of them are little fellas. Some of them are little fellas. I mean, my web serum has a lot of gluten in it. And I'm just hitting a lot of people with gluten intolerances. Right. So it's not killing them, but it's giving them diarrhea. Right.

So I feel bad about that. killing them and it's giving them diarrhea. So I feel bad about that. Something I've been doing a lot of this summer is writing talk show packets and a lot of things that they want you to do for these talk show packets or write like topical sketches or parodies or something like that. So I wrote a – you guys are familiar with e-cigarettes? Sure. They're used for vaping.

Yeah. Dan, e-cigarettes are these things people pull out in New York just randomly? I don't think they're such a big thing in New York. Honestly, the first thing that was my experience of it was seeing your video. I think I was aware that it was a thing that existed, but I had not seen it in the wild. I have to say that the e-cigarette store by my house, previously known as Vape On 2, that's O-N number 2. It's not Vape On 2 the other side, right? No, I think that's implied, though. Okay.

It has recently changed its name to the L.A. Vapory, perhaps because of a threat from Ray Manzarek. A legal threat from Ray Manzarek. Is he dead? Possibly. I think he's still around and noodling with the best of them. Still touring as the doors. Sure, yeah. Still interrupting things with 20-minute organ solos. Yeah.

So anyway, so e-cigarettes, I think there's normal e-cigarettes, they – I think there's normal e-cigarettes which kind of look like a cigarette and have a odorless vapor. But then there are asshole e-cigarettes which look like they were designed by Ed Hardy and they have these kind of flashing lights and the vapors smell like the incenses that you buy in a college town and things like this. You know, the incenses that you buy in a college town and things like this. So the parody I came up with was the Look At Me cigarette. And it's an e-cigarette that's even douchier. And it displays your IMDb credits. And it plays your band that you're in. And it's just something, you know, something to get people to notice you is the joke of this video.

Jesse, you provided the voiceover. I did. I provided my honeyed baritone. Did a very good job. Thank you very much. I provided my honeyed baritone. Did a very good job. Thank you very much. I think everybody was really impressed with it. So yeah. So it went up and it got passed around on some nice comedy websites.

But then I have this little – for my YouTube channel, I have a notice come up when someone comments on a video and it sends it to my email. And I woke up one day and just with three inbox pages filled with those notifications. I'm like, ah, something happened with the video. Ordinarily, that's a service that YouTube provides that helps creators feel bad about themselves. Yeah, exactly. So you don't have to go to a whole separate page to feel like shit. Exactly. To know that you to feel like shit. Exactly.

To know that you are gay or fake. Yeah. Alternately. So anyway, so the vaping community got wind of this. A Reddit sub-forum. I noticed it in a vaping-themed sub-Reddit. How much can you discuss vaping online? Why do you need a forum for that? Well, here's the thing. From what I can gather, the vaping industry is a collection of questionable, fly-by-night snake oil salespeople.

I mean, there's a real product. snake oil salespeople. I mean, there's a real product, but it's sort of like just one-tenth of a step from the bong industry. Sure. But it adds a layer of the sort of...

It's like forward-thinking bong salesmen are like, this is what's next. Yeah, well, it's what happens when a bong man, you know, a man who works in the world of bongs, meets a guy who makes... Daddy when a bong man, you know, a man who works in the world of bongs, meets a guy who makes— Daddy was a bong man and his daddy before him. Meets a guy who makes generic cell phone accessories at a party and they get their heads together. That's what's called a meet cute.

Yeah, exactly. They decide to make e-cigarettes. So I think part of the deal is that you get together to discuss what is and isn't, for example, poisonous. What can you cram into something and heat up? I think also anything can be nerded out over anything in the world. And if it happens to be something that you're addicted to, that's also a small electronic device, it's pretty much the perfect thing for nerds to fight over. Yeah. I mean, I think a big thing about the Reddit deal was that Gawker used the video as kind of clickbait.

What's the Gawker gadget site, Gizmodo or something like that? Yeah, Gizmodo. Because Gizmodo posted it with the very clickbaity headline, do e-cigarettes make you a douchebag? Just to get people mad and to get people to click on them. So I think the Reddit people who hate the Gawker people because of some sort of fight about Reddit anonymity, blah, blah, blah. So I think they were like, look what Gawker is saying about us. I mean, the point is it's really sad when two of the internet's classiest websites clash. Right. I know.

Yeah. It's like that time that Rolls Royce drove into that yacht. The place that's snarky about the media meets the place where you post mostly nude pictures of underage girls. There you go. Yeah. So – and Pokemon shit, Dan. Don't forget Pokemon shit. It's like chocolate and peanut butter.

Right. Exactly. So, yeah. So it kind of turned into this thing of Reddit yelling at Gawker anyways. But the comments under the video were pretty bonkers. And this was not isolated. This was a huge discussion going on. Some guys thought they had cracked the code. They assumed because my last name was Morris that I was employed by Philip Morris and that the video was a conspiracy from Big Tobacco to get people off of e-cigarettes. The theme of these comments was, yeah, right. I'm not falling for it. Yeah, exactly. Oh, yeah.

You figured it out. But do they think that you included that name as a clever little Easter egg? Right, to make myself easier to find out. Yeah, I think they assume that all secret societies or, you know, kind of far-reaching conspiracies operate like the Da Vinci Code and they want to be found out in some way. Yeah. So, yeah, I think it was like a fun – it was a fun thing for them. Yeah. I mean I felt a little bit bummed that I didn't get a little big tobacco money for that.

I mean I went into the red to make that video. I know. That was out of pocket. You should – yeah, there's no doubt that you should have, I say you take it to them and get a payoff now. Right. Because, I mean, I think I'm helping them in the long run by defaming e-cigarettes. And I think people see that and they probably buy a pack of regulars. I certainly did.

I've been smoking like a chimney since I've seen that thing. And I didn't smoke before. Yeah. Mostly cloves, though, right? Well, yeah, but that's only because I'm appearing in a and I didn't smoke before. Yeah. Mostly cloves though, right? Well, yeah. But that's only because I'm appearing in a one man show on stage. So you want to be able to smoke the same thing on stage as off stage. I'm playing

Edward R. Murrow. Okay. He's known for smoking cigarettes during his broadcast. Of course it's illegal to smoke in an enclosed area. Good night, good smoke. It's about his relationship with cigarettes he married one and weirdly he fucked it yeah i don't know how he even i mean destroyed it while fucking it i mean talk about talk about a needle dick it's more of an inserted it into his urethra sort of weird guy edward r Murrow. Weird guy.

So, yeah, it was interesting. Yeah, and I felt like I did feel weird that this wasn't going as deep as they wanted it to. I kind of felt like I would have liked to have been employed by Big Tobacco. There are some truly amazing comments, like exegeses of how you have – you you are promulgating big tobaccos what no anyone can see that e-cigarettes are fucking ridiculous i don't smoke regular cigarettes and i think probably e-cigarettes are better than regular cigarettes but they're less ridiculous sure because so many more people have done them for a really long time we're all used to them e-cigarettes are better than regular cigarettes, but they're less ridiculous. Sure. Because so many more people have done them for a really long time. We're all used to them.

Yeah. I don't think the ridiculousness of it is not a selling point. I assume that the people who are smoking them even know like, well, this is pretty silly, but I guess I'll get slightly less cancer. I guess my thing, I guess the idea behind the video is like that doesn't have to light up with a green light. And it doesn't have to have dragon tattoo designs on it. Like that – like if someone – I mean I have a buddy who – he cigarettes have helped him stop smoking. And he has one that looks normal.

It doesn't emit a cloud that smells like CK1. It's just normal and he goes outside to use it and it's great. But yeah, but I think it's the fact that these are these weird fashion accessories. Would you say that – you mentioned CK1. Would you say that all of the odors are unisex? Yeah. And transgressively so? Yes, exactly.

Yeah, they make me feel like it would be okay to do a little gay stuff like it wouldn't be not masculine anyway but yeah i felt a little bit i mean i was excited that it got all these hits and definitely like having internet uh having internet videos that are successful helps with job getting um so i'm kind of excited for someone to potentially see that and how many hits it got but i definitely was really bummed because I don't feel like anyone, you know, most of the people watching it weren't saying, isn't this funny? Isn't this well done? Isn't this clever?

It's like, look at this fucking, you know, it was being used as like the awful, like the worst kind of internet clickbait. Like it might as well have been a nip slip gallery. I feel like, you know, as far as what it was being used for on the internet, just something to get people riled up and mad. Did you, you know, like far as what it was being used for on the Internet, just something to get people riled up and mad. Did you, you know, like nip slips. Did you put the. Fucking Scarlett Johansson, keep it in your dress.

Sorry. Did you put the nip slips in there on purpose? I mean, you know, anything, anything to, you know, boost consumer click through. I guess I'm not following because I remember the nip slip gallery. It was about two thirds of the way through. Yeah. Because I remember the Nip Slip Gallery. It was about two-thirds of the way through. Yeah. Because I remember because you gave me a script. I had to say, now hold on.

Here comes the Nip Slip Gallery you've been waiting for in an announcer voice. Yeah. I think that we can all agree, though, that those nipples don't need to light up on the end, though. That's true. That's just saying, look at me. I know. Exactly. The puffs of smoke were a little disconcerting.

Yeah. But, you know, Scarlett Johansson's got to do what she's got to do to keep her name in the news. Yeah, there you go. I mean, you know, she's not the youngest star. You got Minka Kelly out there, nip-slipping, coming up, nipping at your heels, so to speak. Whoever Minka Kelly is, there you go. What's Minka Kelly? What is Minka Kelly, Dan?

Friday Night Lights. Okay. Oh, who was she on Friday Night Lights? I've seen that. She was the one with the dark hair and the dark eyes. The coach? She's the one who was dating the guy who gets crippled in the first episode. Yeah, it was a beautiful young woman.

Yeah. You can see how she's a star now. Plus she was on Friday Night Lights. It was a great show. How were the nip slips in that show? Oh God, that show was more slip than no nip. You know what I mean?

You know the classic slip to no nip? That was how NBC promoted it. More slip than no nip. Which confused people, which is why Friday Night Lights never really took off. Do you remember what the football team would say? Clear eyes, slip nips, can't lose. That was their idea.

It would distract the other team. It was like a hot scenario. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Dan McCoy, beast from the east.

Dan, it's a pleasure to have you on the program. It's great to have someone visiting from another coast. It's great to have someone visiting from an Emmy award-winning television program. It's great to have someone visiting from a smash hit podcast like the Flophouse. Thank you. I mean, speaking of coming

from the other coast, can I just tell you about something that came, like when I was flying out? We're flying out on Virgin America. Okay, go ahead. I'm sorry. No, it's fine. I mean, this isn't... I get it. You fly Virgin America everywhere. It's fine it's fine I mean this isn't

I get it you fly Virgin America everywhere it's fine yeah I mean you know Delta's fine too Delta's it's like a party

in the sky yeah I'm sure when I flew over here from Atlanta the other day I only I just flew Delta yeah sure

I mean yeah I mean they have they have beautiful biracial stewardesses I know who I get it everybody's got an updo I see

I've seen the Virgin America booth I just yeah I mean it's you it's an updo. I see. I've seen the Virgin America booth. Yeah. I mean, it's you. It's Emmy award-winning writers and DJs. Those are the only people that are on Virgin America. I mean, the biracial stewardesses. People who are a little sarcastic, but they're telling you about something really important. Yeah. Anyway. People who like to buy everything using a credit card in the back of the seat. People who like to buy everything using a credit card in the back of the seat.

I'll really have to listen closely to your story to hear you all the way up from your ivory tower. I'm sorry. I don't know if I'll get all of it. I might miss some of it because you're yelling down at us. In a golden megaphone. But maybe this will make you rethink your opinions about Virgin America. We were waiting to take off for about an hour. And we all assume that it's your usual, like, takeoff bullshit. It's like, whatever, we forgot to put fuel in the plane or whatever the thing is.

Yeah. But the guy comes up, the captain comes on and says. Some of these stewardesses are only one race. Get them out of here. They said that the flight was overweight. And the computer just now had picked up on that, and they had already kicked off one of their own people from being on the flight. But they were looking for two people to get off with their luggage so we could get in the air. And this raised so many questions to me.

All right, off the plane, Chris Christie, Guy Fieri. Have you guys experienced this? Those are two famous fat guys. No, but I will say that someone who was coming to, I think it was Ben Harrison, our videographer, who was coming to BoatParty.biz, our cruise that we did last week, told me that on his flight out, there was a rat on the flight. And the stewardess has contacted the captain. He went and pretended he had to use the bathroom so he could overhear the conversation and basically the captain just said ben not the pilot

yeah ben did uh ben ben said that the captain just told the stewardess yeah well this has happened before it'll happen again we'll deal with it when we get there there have been rats on planes since the beginning of aviation. The Wright brothers. He was wearing little goggles. It was cute. He was their pet. It started a trend.

Rats love to chew on insulation. Yeah. So, yeah, what happened? Did people get off the plane? People got off the plane, although my coworker, Hallie, overheard it, and they were not being nice about it. Hallie Berry, we know. She was like- Beautiful, biracial celebrity, Hallie overheard it and they were not being nice about it Hallie Berry we know she was like beautiful biracial celebrity Hallie Berry

my friend Hallie Haglund overheard this and they were not offering anything for people who were getting off the plane eventually they had to sure yeah

of course offer something but to me the idea that like oh we're operating on such razor thin margins that the say 300 350 pounds of two people leaving the plane is what's the difference between life and death? Here's my concern on the issue is I think if you put that out there and there's no reason to leave the plane, maybe there's a secret reason that people should leave the plane like a rat.

Well, I started thinking, like, is this a Final Destination scenario? Oh, yeah. Should I be the guy who gets off the plane? Sure. And cheats death? Mm-hmm. Although- But what's the Final Destination?

Is it that one, or is it what if the plane you get on is the one that crashes? Right. That's the problem with Final Destination. You never know. Sure. The Grim Reaper is mysterious. The other problem about Final Destination, though, that I was just talking about with my friend was, doesn't death maybe know that there's a possibility that someone will switch seats?

Yeah. Like the idea that there's a pattern. Death is finicky. Death is real picky. Death has OCD. I was going to kill you in this very specific order. Sure, yeah. And now I'm mad at you, so I'm going to come back around.

Yeah, if death is ever chasing you, if you're ever in a final destination situation, when death is chasing you, just throw down a pack of playing cards, and he'll have to shuffle them, and you just get away. I actually just got back. I've been traveling for

nearly two weeks continuously as of this recording. First I went out to the Atlantic Ocean Comedy and Music Festival out of Miami, Florida. Maybe you guys have heard of Miami. Oh, I've only

heard it described as Hotlanta. Is that the same thing? Yeah. Okay. Same thing. Same thing.

I had a great time in Miami. I'll tell you, I was only in Miami proper for one day, and I decided to go to this store that sells guayaberas, which is a famous kind of shirt that is worn in- It's like a Cuban wedding. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It's a shirt that It's like a Cuban wedding. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It's a shirt that's worn by old Cuban men. So I went to this famous store.

It was a favorite of mine during my high school I only shop at thrift stores goofball days. Sure. And I think a perfectly suitable shirt for that man and many others. I love a good way of better. So I went to this fancy way of better store. And it took about 90 minutes to get there on the bus, despite it being five miles away. And when I arrived. Was the bus overweight?

No, the bus was not overweight. When I arrived, I found a store, a perfectly lovely store. But there were two things that gave me pause about this store. One was there were a group of roosters just milling around outside. Dealing drugs? They weren't dealing drugs. They were just looking real third world-y. Whose roosters?

I was in the middle of Miami. Like, let's be clear. I was just in Miami. I wasn't on the outskirts. My five-mile trip did not take me to the outskirts of Miami. I'm talking about Four Lane Road. I'm talking about fast food restaurants. I'm talking about, you know what I mean?

Like a central Miami-type location. Is this next to the sound machine? Exactly. You would think that sound machine would scare away the roosters. Just five roosters. Yeah, you get used to it, you know? Five roosters. It's like when you grow up near a factory, you kind of get used to the smell. You get used

to the Miami sound machine. Five roosters and a dog. A dead dog. Five roosters and a dead dog A dead dog. Five roosters and a dead dog just hanging out there on the street. Now, this was my experience of going to the Florida Keys where there were just chickens running around all over the place,

but that's not a major metropolitan area like Miami. And now I'm concerned about other... I mean, look, if it is the third world, let's go with the third world stuff. I'm not afraid of roosters. Yeah.

You know what I mean? You could be a rooster. I'm just confused because it's a major American city. Let's get some secret police in here. Yeah. Like, where's like Papa Doc Duvalier? Where's the strong-arm military leader? You don't want a city where you feel like you're hovering between worlds.

That's what upset me is the combination of – and again, I want to be clear that the store was quite nice as was the quote unquote Cuban hamburger that I ate next door, which is like a patty of a sort of ham food thing that's fried. A patty of a sort of ham food thing that's fried. It's sort of like the stuff that's in the middle of a croqueta, if you've ever had a croqueta before. Like a famous Cuban. Okay. I'm from the Midwest, and then I went to New York. So your Hispanic ways are strange to me. The woman, it's like a fried ham patty.

We have very fiery tempers too, Dan. So be careful with that. With like potato strings. It was really good. It was really good. She get, the woman, the woman, oh, another thing that's interesting to me about, another thing that's interesting to me about Miami is people will speak Spanish to me because of the fact – I think because of the fact that there are so – in Miami, there are so many white Cubans who speak Spanish as a first language relative to here where all the Latinos are darker skinned or almost

all the Latinos are darker skinned. People would speak Spanish to me. I would respond in English or in my own poor Spanish. And then they would just continue to speak Spanish to me. You would just say croqueta. Yeah, exactly. Like just people would double down on speaking Spanish. There was a really interesting. Perhaps I should speak it faster.

When I sat down to order my quote unquote Cubanquote Cuban hamburger, the woman put down the hot sauces, and she said – she pointed to one. She said, you know, un poquito picante y muy, muy, muy picante, as she pointed to the second one. And then she said – You're losing me. I don't know what any of this means. Again, she said – Then she said, very, very, very picante. Now, Jesse, are you sure you didn't enroll yourself in an immersive Spanish class?

That's possible. I could have. And to be honest with you, that fucking, that sauce was fucking crazy picante. That shit, I put like some drops of that and I was sweating. I think the correct response, what she was looking for was, we can go see several kinds of goats. Yes. Anyway, I had a really fantastic time, ate real good, and then the cruise was amazing. The cruise was fucking crazy.

I got to say, I desperately wanted to go on that. I mean, there's so many people who have been involved in the show who were involved in that cruise. But I just did not line up with our show's schedule. You got Emmys to win. We've got shows to put out most of the time. Except for the several weeks that we're on vacation. We'll get you on a future show. We'll get you on a future cruise, Dan, because it was a fucking blast.

The comedy shows were tremendous. I knew the comedy shows were going to be tremendous. But I have to say, our music show was our friend John Roderick sort of hosted the program. Then the beautiful and infinitely charming Nellie Mackay, who sings like a fucking angel. I mean, just I would guess from seeing the people, maybe the least number of people immediately recognize Nellie McKay, though she may be one of the more famous of our performers. And, but she just won everybody over with her spectacular talent. And then John Darnielle just blew everyone away. John Darnielle of the Mountain Goats. But Dan Deacon,

John Darnielle of the Mountain Goats. But Dan Deacon, indie electronic musician slash composer Dan Deacon, just fucking blew the party doors off. It was insane. Just comedy nerds rolling around on the floor dancing, flipping the fuck out. Dan Deacon just yells, I want to see everyone dancing like a bunch of grown up Bart Simpsons. Wow. It was it was insane. Like after they had basically cut. So you're saying that all of the UCB hoodies were soaked in sweat by the end. It was it was formal night. So there were a fair number of tuxedos in evidence. Wow. And people were flipping the fuck out. He had like he was assigning dance captains, making people copy all of their moves. He was splitting people into teams.

He was making people, like, he had a dance line that was not like a conga line. It was the kind where two people put the palms of their hands together, sort of like a knighting ceremony or something. Anyway, he had a dance line that went out of the club, like all the way across the ship, down the stairs, around, back up the stairs and back into the club. You know, 300 people in this dance line flipping out. And as they got out, like as they ran out of earshot of Dan's music, they were just chanting like a crazed cult mob. Maximum fun. Wow. Maximum. It was in-fucking-sane.

And then the blood rites. Yeah. Oh, and then the blood rites. I don't even want to get into the blood rites. Yeah. But it was much, it was more, it was more amazing than I ever could have hoped it would be. It turns out that as dumb as a cruise is, overall, it is the perfect venue for going apeshit.

Dan, do you expect your Emmy after parties are going to be this crazy? Well, the theme is Enchanted Forest. I think it'll be pretty great. With elf ears like the ones you've picked out. There will be naiads all around. It was a pretty spectacular experience. It capped off by two really wonderful events. One was 3, 4 o'clock in the morning on the last night. Three, four o'clock in the morning on the last night, Eugene Merman just lying in the pool wearing all his clothes, repeating over and over, I am in the arts.

I am in the arts. Wow. And also – That sounds like the end of if Eugene Merman was the subject of The Aviator. Yeah. of if Eugene Merman was the subject of The Aviator. Yeah. John Darnielle was walking past this closing night pool party and on board the ship, you know, there's a saltwater pool on board the ship,

which really fucks with your head. But John Darnielle's walking past, and, you know, Darnielle is sort of a modest guy. He's a little bit of a shrinking violet. And as he walked past, everyone is motioning, you know, Roderick and Hodgman and Eugene and Wyatt Cenac are all saying, you know, come get in the pool, get in the pool, get in the pool. And he says, you know, I can't get in the pool right now because I don't usually wear underwear. And now you all know that. And then he went back to his

room and came back with his underwear on and sort of stood triumphantly at the top of the stairs of the pool with one ball hanging out. And everyone's applauding and screaming and celebrating Darneel's big entrance. He gets in the pool. And the next day on the way out, I congratulated him. I said, like, John, that was one of the most amazing. Because, like, Kurt Braunohler had been doing belly flops. And, you know, a lot of people were trying to make a big entrance. Sure.

But that was easy. He had lapped the field by taking one of his balls out. And I said to him, you know, congratulations on a really spectacular entrance last night. I never imagined I would see your ball. And he said, oh, yeah, I did not know my ball was out. What drugs were circulating? Yeah, I don't know. I couldn't tell you.

I couldn't tell you. He suffers from something called ball blindness. Sure. Well, I mean, you know, after the war he had a phantom ball, you know, a ball that feels like it's there. Our cruise director did tell us, or the guy who arranged everything, he's like a travel agent who works exclusively with group cruises. His name is Leon. He basically lives on cruise ships.

He's great. He's just a wonderful man. He said to me, it's really important that you tell everyone that if there's anything illicit they bought in Nassau, they use it now and not have it in their bag tomorrow. I was like, dang, that's ice cold. That's for real. Yeah, you just got to fucking eat a whole handful of drugs. Yeah, just eat your drugs because otherwise you're going to get arrested.

Some of them aren't even for eating. That's a dangerous piece of advice. Just chewing on a syringe. That's so funny that, yeah, he would rather them just binge on the drugs rather than dispose of them. You've got to be careful. You can't be too careful. I flew straight. How many whippets can one person do in a row?

I flew straight from there to the public radio program director's con. So that was one of the most amazing four days of my life. I mean, just an extravaganza that knew no bounds. Then I flew straight from there to the Public Radio Program Director's Conference, which is the worst thing in my life. The absolute number one worst thing in my life. I just, it is like a brutal assault of, this is what happens at the Public Radio Program Director's.

Is this worse than that Japanese ghost that haunts your house? It is way worse than the, you mean Kenji? Yeah. I kind of become friends with Kenji. We'll sit down, have some sake. Well, I'll have some sake. It just sort of falls on the ground when he tries to drink it. He just gets weird ghost

hair on your drains. That's all. By the way, in my scenario that I just described, he has corporeal hands. So he can pick up the socket. But his mouth and his innards are. Yeah. Yeah. It seems like those Japanese ghosts always have like hair problems.

Like they're always losing chunks of hair. So anyway. Thinning hair is a problem with Japanese ghosts. Public radio program director's conference is where I go to beg program directors to carry my show. So where is that? It was in Atlanta. Huh. The great city of Atlanta.

I've only heard it described as Miami. I met some cool Jordan Jesse Goh fans at the production offices of Archer. Went and visited Archer, one of my favorite television programs. Heck, probably my favorite TV show on the air right now, except for, of course, The Flophouse with Dan McCoy. You guys have a TV version of The Works, right? Yeah, it's Flophouse Babies. Lil' Flophouse?

Yeah. You just watch J.J. the Jet Plane. Oh, okay. You don't watch kids' movies? No. They were You just watch J.J. the Jet Plane. That's the weird thing. Oh, okay. You don't watch kids' movies? No. They were careful. Are you going to replace Stewart?

Is someone going to play Stewart? Well, I guess a baby. I mean, the thing is, like, the weird thing about Stewart being a baby is Stewart is so handsome that people find him attractive as a cartoon baby. And then that makes them feel really weird. Yeah. Sure. Very strange. I got to see some stills and animatics and stuff

from the next season of Archer. That was very exciting for me. And generally, I just talked to people that I did not want to talk to, or I talked to people who I sort of was willing to talk to but would benefit me not at all to talk to them. I feel like that's just describing my day-to-day life. Not going to a conference.

You're a pharmaceutical salesperson. Let's be clear. It was really – boy, you really – it's a game of numbers at that point. Want any Lexapro? How many – yeah, do you want an Alexa Pro and do you have a prescription for it you need two things to hit for that

but we had a meet up that we plugged on the show a couple weeks ago had a really great time hung out with Ophira Eisenberg from Ask Me Another and Glenn Washington from Snap Judgment as well as Guy Raz from the TED Radio Hour, formerly Weekend All Things Considered host. Hey, that's fun.

Yeah, it was a lot of fun. Who's who? A real NPR who's who. Murderer's row. We had- Ophabia Quist-Arkton didn't show up, though. Man, I wish Ophabia Quist-Arkton or Wade Goodwin. Come on, Wade Goodwin with that beautiful voice of his.

Yeah, but they were too busy. Is there like a cool kids party that they were too busy is there like a cooler is there like a cool kids party that they were at yeah it's just it's just the two of them yeah just just doing whippets in a hotel room just doing whippets and boning down oh man trying to make the future of public radio um yeah i mean the thing is is the conference every conference session is about the future of public radio. And it's just brutal to listen to that for the seventh year in a row. You know what I mean?

Just every year it's the same stuff about millennials. You know what I'm talking about, millennials? Sure. So they want a lot of public radio shows to just be lists now. Yeah. Shareable lists. Shareable lists. Dan, what's your comfort level at a Hollywood function?

Very low. Okay. I should say you're going to one right after this. You're dressed very nice. I think you're going to look great at this thing. Luckily, I think it's going to be mostly the people who work sort of in the Comedy Central offices, who I won't talk to. I'll talk to the people I see every day. But, I mean, I, you know,

having worked at the show for almost two and a quarter, two and a half years now, like, I'm still kind of uncomfortable around, say, on-camera talent that I see every day. Like, I still put, I'm still Star Trek, I put them at a higher level. I have nothing to say to them in the halls. I mostly hope that... We're talking about like a Samantha Bee?

Yeah, well, Samantha Bee is the nicest person. Someone real intimidating. So nice, so nice. She like has no idea who I am, but waved to me this morning in the hotel very enthusiastically, but I'm still terrified of her. You just are afraid of people who are in camera makeup. Look, we all know that people who are on television are better than us.

Sure. That's a given. Dan has a powerful fear of Canadian moms. Yeah. I'm afraid of the friendly and non-threatening. Give me sort of an awkward kind of grumpy guy and I'm right in my wheelhouse

you have a seat for the Emmys right? do you have an objective for your Emmy experience? I think that just being there is like it's a madhouse I think that the weird thing about going to one of these award shows, and my friend Elliot, who works at the show, has said the same thing, is, like, there's such a powerful feeling of unreality. All of a sudden, it's not like you think, like, oh, I've made it. I'm at the Emmys.

You start thinking, like, oh, the Emmys must not be a real thing because I'm here. Right. Like, maybe it's a fever dream or it's a Matrix thing. A what if comic. Yeah, sure, exactly. Well, it's brought down to my level just by my own like. Oh, they're letting anybody in here. Yeah.

Ugh, an asshole like me is here? Sure. That's how I feel every time I go to the Outback for endless shrimp. It's like they let anybody have endless shrimp these days. Yeah. It's like just anyone can get as many shrimp as they want to for $14.99. Have you thought about thinking of the Emmys as a sort of grand crossover event? Like a Marvel DC sort of –

I was going to say like an infinite crisis. Right. So the world of nerdy podcaster meets very attractive TV people? Sure. Yes, exactly. Well, their worlds collide. Yeah. I know.

I mean, maybe you're just the Earth 2 version of Tim Allen. Honestly, I'm just pleased to have my first experience with a tuxedo. Oh, okay. That's it. Wait, your first experience with a tuxedo? Have you hired a tuxedo. Oh, okay. That's it. Wait, your first experience with a tuxedo? Have you hired a tuxedo prostitute? I was trying to figure out. Are you going to fuck a penguin?

Is that what you're... There was a lot of... By which we mean a nun. Yeah. There was a lot of fun swearing in my house two nights ago as I tried to figure out how to tie a bow tie. Did you not... So, I mean, I guess other tuxedo experiences. Wedding, you didn't wear a tuxedo.

I did not wear it. Well, I guess I went to prom. But that's horrible rental tuxedo with a cummerbund and all that nonsense. You know, I grew up in small town Illinois. Like this was not classy prom. This wasn't one of those classy proms. Nothing wrong with cummerbunds. Come on. Dan, I won't have you wrong with cummerbunds. Come on.

Dan, I won't have you running down cummerbunds. I just wore a tuxedo the other day and guess what I was wearing? Cumberbund? Yeah. Your Cumberbatch cummerbund, right? It had his face on it. You got it. That's the one.

Guys, can you tell me whether this is a good joke or a terrible joke? Sure. This is a joke that's been boiling around in my head. It's a terrible joke. Continue. A woman says that her dildo is named Bindi Dick Come a Bunch. That's a good joke. Okay.

I like it. All right. I say you pitch it to The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. You're like, so what is this a part of? What segment is this a part of? Nothing. You just say it. Just like at the top of the show or like after commercial or to the guests. Just say it. And then you go, do not... It's like Benedict Cumberbatch.

Benedict Cumberbatch. Sorry. TV Sherlock. Maybe that's a millennial thing. Yeah. Can I run two of those by you guys? Yeah, sure. While we're just fucking running shit up the flagpole? Yeah, sure.

Okay. I don't know why the porno... Okay, I'm going to start again. I'm not going to phrase it as a question. It's going to be a statement, because I know the questions aren't that funny. Statements are funnier. I'm pretty bummed that the porno company rejected my pitch for This Ain't Grey Gardens, an XXX parody. You guys like that? There's a lot of scarves and just like stuff around when they're having sex.

Yeah, a lot of cats. A lot of cats around. Can we have sex someplace else? This is making me kind of sad. A lingering sadness. Yeah, that's like, you know. Yeah. That was pretty good.

You got one more? Yeah. Is this one Harold and Maude themed? Yeah, this is the same thing but with Harold and Maude in there. I'm glad people are so into cronuts because it's only a matter of time before they get into deez nuts. I really appreciate it. Which one is better? I was thinking I want a de nuts-based humor to return.

I do, too. And I was just thinking the other day, I was thinking of Cool Keith, who was last popular when I was in college. Came up earlier on the program, actually. Dan, earlier on the program. I was thinking— Early in the program when our guest was Al Roker, Cool Keith used to had a song. I can't remember which record it was on that went, keep it real. Represent what?

My nuts. That I still think about 10 years later, and it still amuses me. Sure. Like, all these many years later, and it's not much more than that, the song. I mean, some cool Keith songs are, some aren't. I thought you were going to say, it's still relevant all these years later. It still speaks to today's condition. It does.

It's, you know, the youth of today, they understand about nuts. Sure. Yeah, there was a guy at my high school where every time he would, like, walk into the room, people would go, Deez Nuts. And he would, like, lift up his arms like, yeah, I'm here. Like, he, like, embraced it. I don't know what it was about. I don't know where it started. Wait, that was his nickname?

No one called him Deez Nuts. But when he would walk into a room, two or three people at least would say, Deez Nuts, and he would kind of like raise his hands in triumph. Was the guy Rick Deez? Oh, there you go. There you go. And his nuts were hanging out. Yeah.

Did he ever figure out? Was it John Darnielle? It was John Darnielle. Yeah. Anyway, so yeah, I mean, I think I'm, Deez Nuts will always have a special place in my heart. Yeah, that's that's our Pokemon. Yeah.

Generations. Sure. Kids who are a little younger than us have Pokemon. We have D's nuts. Yeah. Got to catch them all. Sure. All the nuts.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse. Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Jordan, Jesse, go. Live at L.A. Podfest, Sunday, October 6th, 2 to 4 p.m. in the Squarespace Ballroom at the Sheraton Delfina Santa Monica Hotel. That was so many funny things

to say. L.A. Podfest, lots of... Hopefully there will be a carafe of coffee in the corner. Lots of our friends, lots of our friends' podcasts coming to this thing,

and we are giving away a ticket, a pair of tickets, one ticket to it, and it's like a $100 thing, you know? Yeah, this is like a pass. Get you into everything. Yeah. On our Facebook page. So go to JordanJesseGo on Facebook. Type it into your search box. You'll find it.

Click on like, and Brian, a.k.a. Sunny D, will have posted some sort of question for you or something like that. Hey, have you noticed all these people, a lot of people have been sending you full short license plates from Grand Theft Auto? Yes. Yeah, yeah. I really appreciate that. Apparently every combination of letters that could even suggest full short is now spoken for in Grand Theft Auto. Oh, I didn't know that you could only. Apparently so. Oh, I didn't know that you could only... Apparently so. Oh, wow. Yeah, apparently the licensing system in Grand Theft Auto is like a system-wide interconnected...

I wonder if it goes across consoles. Like, can there be two full shorts on... You know, can there be one on 360 and one on PlayStation 3? That's an interesting question. And how quickly was Deez Nuts spoken for? I'm sure one of the first two. I also want to mention Bullseye with Jesse Thorne, my very own national public radio program, which recently came to KPCC here in Los Angeles, Saturdays at 3 p.m. We are doing our first live show in L.A. since 2007. The last episode that we did live in L.A., Rob Thomas, the creator of Veronica Mars, was a guest on our program. And Veronica Mars was still on television. That's how long ago it was. We have Bill Hader.

Hey. Is confirmed. There's a confirmed, a confirmed guest. There's a guest. We have a couple of very, very nearly confirmed guests that are also very exciting. So get your tickets now. They're cheap. I think they're $10.

It's in Pasadena at KPCC. They have a beautiful little theater slash performance space. And it is October 25th. You can go to Pie and Burger after. Oh, shit. If you don't go to Pie and Burger after. Oh, shit. If you don't go to Pie and Burger after, what kind of idiot are you? Yeah, you're some kind of chump

who wastes a trip to Pasadena. Yeah, the party's at Pie and Burger. There's no doubt about that. You got pie, you got burger, you got potato salad. Sure. That's what I usually go with, pie, burger, potato salad.

Great combo. You got that kind of water where, you know that kind of ice that comes out of an ice machine and it's sort of soft? You know what I'm talking about? A little brown maybe? Like a little pellety?

Yeah. That's a good stuff. And it sort of freezes into one big solid block of ice but with pass-throughs so the water's cold the whole time. Then it gets a little slushy. The sort of ice that when you try and drink it, you spill water over yourself. Yeah, right. Because, yes, the water hides in the ice until the whole time. Mm-hmm. And this gets a little slushy. The sort of ice that when you try and drink it, you spill water over yourself. Yeah, right, because, yes, the water hides in the ice until the last minute. That's the nice stuff.

Can I suggest a Pasadena dream day? Yeah, sure. Afternoon, Arboretum. Right. Evening, Bullseye Live Show. Mm-hmm. Post game, Pine Burger. When you say Arboretum, you're talking specifically about the Huntington Gardens?

Yes. Oh, yeah. Can I suggest a morning activity? Pasadena City College Flea Market. There you go. You thought I was going to go Rose Bowl, but... Yeah. Absolutely not.

I mean, if you're a college football team, you should probably play a game there. Yeah, well, that's a good point. Tournament of Roses Parade. Yeah, Tournament of Roses Parade. So, chairman or president of the tournament, what's it called? The king of the Tournament of Roses Parade. Yeah, Tournament of Roses Parade. So chairman or president of the tournament, what's it called? The king of the Tournament of Roses Parade? Oh yeah, the Grand Marshal. Grand Marshal. Grand Wizard. I'm sorry, the Grand Wizard. Grand Wizard of the Tournament of Roses Parade, first. Second, go to the Pasadena City College flea market. Third,

go to the Huntington Library and Gardens. Fourth, of course, Pie and Burger. Wait, are you having Pie and Burger before or after the show? Oh, yeah. You don't want to be Logie for the show. You don't want to be filled with pie. You want to be sharp. Yeah. You want to be sharp because Bill Hader's probably going to do some of his famous impressions. Can I tell

you as an out-of-towner how helpful and baffling this all is? Well, that's what we're giving this, four out-of-towners for helpful and baffling this all is. Well, that's what we're giving this for out-of-towners, for folks who want to fly in for the first live bullseye in Southern California in six years.

It's a once-in-a-nearly-lifetime event. Exactly. Do you have any live flophouses you can do a similar treatment for? Lifetime of a guinea pig. Okay. Do not. Okay.

Anyway, point is, go to MaximumFun.org. Tickets are on sale now. You can also get them. Do not. Okay. Anyway, point is, go to MaximumFun.org. Tickets are on sale now. You can also get them at KPCC.org. Just go to the part that says Crawford Family Forum. I don't want to be embarrassed

by people not showing up to this thing. At the end of the day, I just got on this station and we're like, yeah, we can draw 200 people. Then we're like, can we draw 200 people?

Not sure. So, yeah. Bill Hader and Friends October 25th and Jordan Jesse Go at the LA Podfest get your free ticket

by going to our Facebook page just search for Jordan Jesse Go we'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go I'm Jesse Thorne

America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Dan McCoy, beast from the east. Dan, as a teenager who was bitten by a radioactive spider, I want to explain to you how our segment, Momentous Occasion, works. When something momentous happens to you in your case... Jesse, Jesse, Jesse, Jesse. Sorry, Dan.

We're going to need a minute. Yeah. Jesse, don't embarrass me in front of Dan. He was bombarded by gamma rays. Sorry. Don't embarrass me in front of Dan. I thought he was bitten by a radio. No, he was bombarded with gamma rays.

Fuck, man. Can I talk? Is it okay if I talk to him again? But mind your P's and Q's. We don't want him to Hulk out. Okay. Dan, as a teenager who was born a mutant oh extraordinary fuck i am out of here what's wrong i am never mind you know do whatever you

want to do whatever you want to you're just gonna do it anyways go ahead jordan what's wrong dan i'm wearing my stretchy purple pants. If it happens, it happens. Okay. All right. He's going to Hulk out. Dan, let me explain to you how momentous occasion works. When something momentous happens to you, you call us at 206-984-4FUN or email us at jjgoe at MaximumFun.org to tell us about it.

In your case, if I can give you an as if. For example, when your parents were murdered before you, thus leading you to take your life to fighting crime. Oh, no, he's Red Hulk. Let's take our first call. Hey, JJ Goh. This is Mike calling in from Ann Arbor, Michigan. Calling in with an immense occasion. And honestly, this happened a couple hours ago.

But I'm having a busy tone when I called in. This is kind of weird. Who else is calling in at the exact same time? But anyway, so I'm walking down the road here in Ann Arbor, down in the downtown area. And the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile rolls up right beside me, and the Galway door opens up, and out walks a gentleman dressed as a leprechaun.

He walks out of the Wienermobile and walks the opposite direction of the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile as if nothing of the ordinary had happened. I thought it was really funny. No one else in the street seemed to notice that anything had happened. Take care, guys. Bye-bye. Do you think that just a family of costume characters lives inside the Winter

Mow? Yeah, it could be. Maybe there's a panda. Uncle Wizard. Sure. A slam-dunking gorilla. My first reaction to this was like, oh, that's really like they're really crossing two worlds there. And then I was like, is there there's nothing to say that, you know, leprechauns don't eat hot dogs.

Yeah, maybe it's not as I mean, what do leprechauns eat? What did the leprechaun from leprechaun eat, I guess? Jennifer Aniston's original nose. Yes. That's the kind of witticisms you can expect from Emmy-nominated television writer Dan McCoy, host of The Flophouse. That and dildo jokes about English people with amusing names. Let's listen to another call. Hey, Max Hutton. This is Jake from California, and today is Patriot Day.

Hey, Max Hutton. This is Jake from California, and today is Patriot Day. I just finished getting some free dental work from the Army Reserves, thanks to my status as an uninsured American, which was pretty terrific. And it came right in the middle of where it needed to be and some previous dental treatment stuff that was getting expensive, so that's like winning the lottery. He has dental treatment stuff that was getting expensive, so that's like winning the lottery. The sergeant who checked me in to the whole deal was the spitting image of Mr. Jesse Thorne. And I told him so.

He's going to look into this. I told a friend, you guys. Bye. I can only presume that the sergeant was famous for being handsome. Yeah. And that's why he called this in, and it doesn't violate my rule. Sure. You know, there's those famous handsome sergeants.

That's one of the requirements for becoming sergeant. Yeah. You don't make it past private unless you got a certain jawline. I do like people telling a friend. Yeah. I'm disappointed anytime anyone doesn't tell a friend which sometimes people will tell me about how jordan jesse going to go is their own special secret thing fuck that noise yeah you know what i'm talking about dan uh yeah i i mean there's no reason to be like hipsterish about it sure like i mean the show will never going to be huge enough that you're going to- I guess they're worried that we'll sell out to, like, Big Tobacco or something.

Yeah, sure. Yeah. Or it's going to be like Vampire Weekend where they were, like, really excited the first time they heard it. And then it's like, oh, it's on Saturday Night Live now. Yeah. You know what I mean? No, help us sell out. That's our goal.

Yeah, that's our whole thing. I want to get shitty in corporate. I want to get fat off corporate money yeah look if you need something that's out there struggling it's out there barely getting by that's it's out there just eking its way from week to week barely getting an episode out i really want to sincerely recommend Dan's podcast. You guys only put out podcasts on 7 inches, right? Yeah. We actually do it on old floppy discs. Oh, okay.

So, yeah, it's just transcripts. So you put it into your Amiga. We, uh, no, we... Better sound processing capabilities. Very nice sound processing. They're on cassettes, but not cassettes you can listen to. Cassettes you have to put into a TRS-80. Oh. And then Liza will read it to you.

Your whole thing is Tandy only. Yeah. That's the only platform that you're open to. Mm-hmm. Hardcore. Parade Magazine. I know. This guy over here is in Parade Magazine.

You know, earlier on, Jordan, did you know that when Dan said that they were in Parade magazine. I know. This guy over here is in parade magazine. You know, earlier on, Jordan, did you know that when Dan said that they were in parade magazine, he wasn't joking that they were in parade magazine? Yeah, I did know that. I mean, I'm a rabid Flophouse listener. Where's our parade magazine feature? Yeah. Yeah, hey, out there, if you know somebody who works at parade, hip them to the show. It doesn't just have to be parade. I'll take parade, Reader's Digest.

Redbook. Ladies Home Journal. Sure. Wasn't someone supposed to be writing an article about us in Ladies Home Journal at one point? Or was it Redbook? I don't know. A woman contacted me and told me that she worked for Ladies Home Journal or Redbook. I can't remember which.

And she was going to put something about Jordan Jesse going there. I would ask what the peg would be for Redbook. But I feel like the peg for us for Parade was for summer podcasts to listen to. So there doesn't really need to be an excuse. Yeah. As long as one of them isn't WTF. No offense to our friend Mark Maron. As long as the peg isn't WTF, king of podcasts, guess what?

There's other podcasts too. Tired of Mark getting press. Yeah. God bless him. He's a good guy. He's done nothing but good for me. I like Mark Maron a lot. I'm just jealous of the press he gets.

Sure. It's great. So much press. He's got that personal narrative. Yeah. How about this?'s got that personal narrative. Yeah. How about this? Here's our personal narrative. Worked really hard on our podcast for a really long time.

Now it's good. I can develop a drug habit and then, like, come back from it. Fucking perfect. How long do I have to be on drugs before me coming back from it as a story? Depends on, like, a weekend. Yeah, like a really just fucking nuts weekend. it as a story. Depends on like a weekend.

Yeah, like a really just fucking nuts weekend. Yeah, I mean, I think if you can get a famous burnout to accompany you on the weekend, like if your weekend is you and it has to be a pretty serious drug. So if it's crack cocaine and Nick Nolte, I think you could just do a weekend, then a comeback. Dan, can I come with you to some Emmy parties and maybe kind of round up, you know, my drug buddy? Yeah, get some, I don't know, Quaaludes? Is that what people are still doing?

Yeah, definitely. The aforementioned Tim Allen. I can do lewds with Tim Allen for a weekend. Just do some lewds with Tim Allen and do something with Kelsey Grammer and a Puma. And record a Toy Story 4 soundtrack.

Yeah. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Dan McCoy, about to be an ex-guest. An ex-guest? Former guest.

A former and future guest. Thank you. Dan, I hope that every time you're here in Los Angeles, you'll stop by Jordan Jesse Goh for a fun chat with your old friends Jesse and Jordan. There was a tone in there that made me think maybe I shouldn't take that entirely seriously, but thank you. Yeah, you said that like you said the location of our podfest show. And the narration of that e-cigarettes advertisement. Yes, exactly.

Yeah, there's a... I had a great time. I appreciate it. I thought when I went to Archer, there was a chance that while I was touring, they would just be like, hey, you know, we happen to have a couple sides lying around for waiter number three. Would you, Jesse Thorne? Hop in the booth. Yeah. Nothing. Not one.

In fact, the kind young man who invited me there had suggested it was possible that while he didn't work in the illustration department, maybe they would want to take some reference photos of me in case they wanted to involve me in a future episode as a background character or something. No such luck. Oh, boy. No such luck. We did eat some pretty good barbecue, though. That's good. In Atlanta, they have both sweet sauce and vinegar sauce. So I went half and half.

I went half and half. Sauce choices. That's fun. They go both ways. Yeah. Absolutely. But look, if you're out there, you have your own television program, you want us to do voices for it? Yeah, of course we will.

Yeah. Right? Yeah. I mean, we won't say no unless it's like a racist show. You know what? I'll do a racist show. I'm changing my mind. It depends how virulently racist.

What racist show is there out there that you're thinking of? Like Dads? Yeah, Dads. I'll be on Dads. Hey, Seth MacFarlane, put me on Dads. All right. Would you be – you wouldn't want to be the racist – would you want to be willing to be the racist character on a racist show? Or would you just want to perpetuate racism by your lack of objection to the racism

uh i don't know let me ask my friend vladimir yes i'll be racist character i don't know vladimir she's like a pretty nice guy. He's great. No, I am not racist. My existence is racist. Oh. I love old people. Okay. But I am cartoon. All you really know about me is borscht.

We have fun. We have a lot of fun. Seriously, though, put me on television. Yeah, me too. That can be our Parade magazine. I don't need Parade magazine if I get to be on Archer. You're fine with that? I mean, how will that help our podcast numbers?

We're going to play ourselves. The narrative arc is... Archer comes on Jordan, Jesse, go. Yeah. Yeah. People will get that i think yeah what if we about this like archer is performing a show at largo or something and he comes on to plug it what if we just got john benjamin to come on which i mean that's not

outside the realm of possible i got john benjamin's email address he lives in new york but i'm sure he's out here sometimes of course so we get john Benjamin to come out, and then we just hire the production company to animate it. People won't know the difference. People will just think this is an episode of Archer. Yeah. A bad episode of Archer. Well, a relatively non-action-packed episode of Archer. I don't know if it'll be bad.

It'll still be pretty hilarious. Yeah. And, I mean, it won't have the full variety of characters of Archer. You know, Aisha Tyler, she's on Archer. She's coming up on our program in a few weeks. There you go. We get Aisha in here. We record an episode.

Then at the end, we tell her we're animating it to look like an episode of Archer. So you're saying we should make this episode of Archer like they made all those new Arrested Developments. Yeah. Piecemeal. Wait, by tricking people. By tricking people, yes. Deceit. None of the people from Arresting people. By tricking people, yes. Deceit. Ours are going to have... None of the people from Arrested Development knew what they were doing.

No. Ours are going to have jokes and have a sort of a through line, like a coherent through line, but in every other way, they'll be like, sure, it's Arrested Developments, I think. Yeah, so... Nice sour note to go out on. A lot of amazing people involved in Arrested Development and I apologize to those people. Dan, it's really been a joy to have you on the program. Thank you.

I've dreamed of this, actually. So it's nice to be here. What happened? Literal dream? I'll show you after we're off the air. Yeah! He gets it. He knows what's up.

Sure. JJ, go at MaximumFun.org or 206-984-4FUN. Hey, how about this is the week where you tell a freaking friend, post about our show on Facebook, whatever. And also, our 300th episode is coming up. Brian Fernandez is going to be putting together a favorite moments montage show just like our 200th episode. So tell us what your favorite moments from episodes 200 to 300 are. Email them to JJGo at MaximumFun.org. Pull a couple from this show.

Pull a couple from this show. Absolutely. Include time codes if you can. I think generally shorter is better. Yeah. I'll let me dominate Binti Dick Cum a bunch. Can we auto-tune that, Dan? Are you fine? Sure. Okay.

Email those to jjgoatmaximumfun.org and, you know, as long as your name's on your email, we will thank everyone on the program who suggested something with a timestamp. I'm really excited about looking back on the last hundred episodes. And you know what? Looking forward to the next hundred episodes, Stan. That sounded a little more sincere.

We'll talk to you next time. Sunny D on the boards, our theme music, Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. I think we should say, before we go out too, listen to the fucking Flophouse. It's hilarious. The Flophouse is a great podcast. Dan's a modest guy

and probably was not plugging it as hard as he should. I'll tell you what, when I was listening to our friend Al Madrigal's podcast, which has gone from

weekly to blue moonly, the minivan man. He's got a lot on his plate, I think. He does. He does. He's got a lot of stuff going on. And I found out that the Flophouse had joined Al's podcast network. I was jealous because I had been thinking, oh, I should invite the Flophouse to join my podcast network.

That's very nice. They made a call. They made a call. I made a call. They bet on a pony. Yeah. We bet on a pony not knowing that we had any options, to be fair. You just saw the one pony.

Yeah. That was a good pony. It's a fucking hilarious show. Can we all just agree on one thing? Fuck El Madrigal. Yeah. Just kidding. El Madrigal. Yeah. Just kidding. Al Madrigal's the best.

Okay. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jesse Go. Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.