Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 301: The Scottish Hen with Geoff Haggerty

Episode Date: November 25, 2013

Writer and showrunner Geoff Haggerty joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of magic, nudity in movies and television, Jesse's trip to the bike shop, and Jesse's voice acting.

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and sex and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. It's starting to be evening when we record these programs, Jordan. I wonder if it's going to affect the mood. Yeah, well, I mean, I guess you couldn't call it Jordan, Jesse, Go! after dark because it's as dark as coming.

Right, it's at dusk. Oh, Jordan, Jesse, Go! from dusk till dawn. What about... Is Robert Rodriguez going to start producing the show? What about Jordan, Jesse, Go! in a sentimental mood? Oh, I like that. Do you think we should have some flickering candlelight inside of our studio?

That might be nice. It seems dangerous. I will say that I'm not nuts about sentiment. Really? Yeah. What about romance? You know, I can take it or leave it. Nostalgia?

They don't seem useful. What about nostalgia? We can do nostalgia. Fond remembrance of earlier days. Okay. We can do that. Paris in the 20s. Yeah, okay. We can do Paris. Paris in the 20s. Yeah, okay.

We can do Paris. Yeah, sure. Okay, great. So that's, but I mean, obviously we can't talk too much about it because we weren't there,

but that can just be our general vibe. Right. Yeah, no, I think you're, yes, you are, you are absolutely, it's Paris in the 20s.

Fine wines. Baguettes. Expatriates. Shiny, streets slick with rain. That Woody Allen movie everybody liked, but I didn't, Fine wines Baguettes Expatriates Shiny Street slick with rain That Woody Allen movie Everybody liked But I didn't

And I felt like a jerk When I talked about it At parties Yeah you're wrong About that one That was a lot of fun That movie It was very funny

Very charming Yeah That's a real return to form Yeah Maybe Let's introduce Our guest on the program Maybe I guess. That's a real return to form. Yeah, maybe. Let's introduce our guest on the program. I guess. It's me, Tom Hiddleston.

It's really aggravating that you would say that about me. No, I'm Jeff Haggerty. Jeff Haggerty is the boss of the television program Sports Talkers. That's right. Brand new television program on a network called Fusion. That's right, also. Could you tell us, say, what kind of fusion it is? Sure, sure.

It's a fusion of ABC, which is a big, big network, and a fusion of Univision, which is also a big network. It's really big, and they speak in Spanish, but we speak in English on our show. So it's ABC and Univision had a baby, and it's Fusion. Wow. Also a longtime member of one of our favorite

sketch comedy groups Elephant Larry. Yep. And a new Angeleno. Yes, kind of. Although I'm going back on Wednesday. Once your show gets canceled.

Right. That's right. Oh, they don't need to cancel things anymore. They just say okay. It's just when an executive trails off when he's talking to you. That's when you just go back to.

They had me stay an hour late on Wednesday just so they could trail off for another half hour. Sure. Be like, we'll let you know. Well, I mean, it's tracking. I mean, we're growing the audience. We're really getting out there in some good social media. And then he was just gone. And I was like, where did he?

Yeah. He turned into a metronome. It's easier for the executives to disappear now that they're all David Blaine. Right. Yes. David Blaine runs all the networks. You have all your meetings inside a glass box that's suspended above Las Vegas. And you're just looking for the poop shoot. Where do I poop?

I totally missed the David Blaine thing. I didn't see it. Was he good? I hear he impressed a lot of celebrities. Oh, yeah. I didn't see that either, but I guess David Blaine,

I guess, did a special where he did magic for celebrities. Yeah. He freaked out the Breaking Bad guys. Oh. Yeah, I bet he did.

You know what? I don't... David Blaine... Oh boy. David Blaine is the worst of all of the magicians. You know how I feel about... Not worse than Chris Angel. Yeah. He's the worst guy, right?

Him and Guy Fieri are constantly jockeying for worst. It's a really good point. Okay, let me clarify what I mean by that. Okay. Criss Angel is the worst. Overall. Human. Yeah, like he represents, Criss Angel is the human manifestation of everything that I am not.

Or like to think of myself as not. He is the opposite of my self-identity. And you only like things that are like yourself. Yeah. Well, you know, what else would I be? Diverse? Come on. Who needs it?

Who needs it? We're all where we want to be. We're all done. David Blaine. What I don't like about David Blaine is the thing that I am bothered by about magic is that I don't like the part of it. And I, we've talked about this on the program. I don't like the part of magic where I'm supposed to think it's cool when people trick me.

I don't like being tricked and I don't like the taunting element of magic. I mean, I don't like a lot of other parts of the presentation of magic, obviously. Um, but I, if, if, if magic, you don't like a lot of other parts of the presentation of Magic, obviously. But if Magic... You don't like electronic music set to Gregorian chants. No, I don't like that. That's weird because I love that.

I'll just throw on a little of that around the house. If Magic was just Ricky Jay throwing playing cards into a watermelon, that's like an athletic feat somehow. I mean, it's a skill-based athletic feat. He's not tricking you. He's not an athlete either. No. Certainly not. He's a husky gentleman.

Yeah. But that, I think, is really cool. And I feel like David Blaine is the king of making you feel like an asshole. is the king of making you feel like an asshole. Yeah. So I guess I don't, I only guessed when I said suspended in a box above. He does two things. Las Vegas. One is he goes around on the street making people feel like assholes.

I mean, I'm sure that they show people who seem to enjoy it. Right. But the truth is that 10 seconds later they're feeling like an asshole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've been used like a piece of like a square of toilet paper. Number two, he does weird public things to get press attention. Sure. Like suspending himself in a box.

And that's the thing that I would say is potentially impressive if that's what he's actually doing. Like he encases himself in ice and stuff like that. I don't know. Like this is not. I have absolutely no actual research or knowledge of Daveave and blaine but that seems like somewhat impressive i wish that the premise of it i i think i like the idea of him actually doing that a little bit and i think that some of the things he does actually do, but then the fact that he's a magician means that it's definitely part of what he's doing

is trying to figure out a good way to trick us into thinking that he's doing something. Right. And that I lose him there. Sure. And I'm out. And I'm out on all of them because it taints it all. Sure.

Everything is tainted for me. Related but not really related, did you guys see Now You See Me? Oh, no, the magic heist movie i did not see it no it was very terrible and you would have hated it jesse i just wanted to corroborate this there's like it's weird because you love the films of louis leterrier i have no idea what's going on jesse eisenberg sure sure i don't know just listing the stars wait that sounds great those are Those are two charming film stars.

Maybe cast is not the problem. Mark Ruffalo's in there. Who doesn't love Ruffalo? Mark Ruffalo, the French lady from... Mark Ruffalo, you can count on him. Sure. Two have appeared and you can count on me. I really want to blow the ending.

Go ahead, blow the ending. I'm not going to see it. Is it important to the to our understanding of why it was bad? Not really. I would say it's just like, oh, it could

have been a good movie with this twist. Let's say that. Let's say, okay, let's say, spoiler alert from a mediocre movie that came out this summer. If you want to see Now You See Me, don't listen when I say that it was Mark Ruffalo the entire time. What? What? I didn't think it was him.

You think he's the investigator, but no, he's investigating a crime that he perpetrated. You know what? I would have had my money on Isla Fisher. You would have? Yeah, because redheads are naturally shifty. Also short people. Yeah.

Short plus red. I would say because she's bitter that her career Reds are naturally shifty. Also short people. Yeah. Short, yeah. Short plus red. I would say because she's bitter that her career hasn't gone the way that she expected it would after the wedding crashers. Right. After she showed us her prodigious charms, she's just barely managed to keep in the public eye. I mean, Amy Adams got all that stuff. Amy Adams got all that. I think it's just, yeah, there's not room enough for both of them.

Not going to work. Well. But hey, I think they're going to make a couple more of those Now You See Me's. Is that true? I think so. Yeah. Yeah. God.

I think there's going to be so many more magic heists in our future. Really? I think so. Yeah. I literally have never heard of this. You are describing the craziest thing. A movie that stars Isla Fisher and Jesse Eisenberg. Woody Harrelson.

What? It's magicians pulling a heist. Morgan Freeman. It was the surprise hit of the summer. But it was like September, wasn't it? Or was it the last weekend of August or something? I don't know. I think I know it as the little movie that could.

I think you might be right. It sounds like a direct-to-DVD film. Sure. But what's weird is the presence of Jesse Eisenberg makes, like, Jesse Eisenberg doesn't do a lot of cash-in movies. This was one. Wow. This was the one. Because he also played a womanizing asshole in it.

And you're just like, I don't think he's Jesse Eisenberg. I don't know, Eisenberg. Yeah, go back to Shouts and Murmurs and the New Yorker. Have you noticed, by the way, speaking of Shouts and Murmurs and the New Yorker, if I could class this show up a little bit. Please. Have you noticed that apparently only celebrities and only celebrities under 35 are allowed to write that anymore? Like, certainly Paul Rudnick gets to write his thing that exhausts me after the first paragraph every once in a while. But I feel like it's only Lena Dunham and Jesse Eisenberg and Michael Cera writing them now.

It's how they're roping in the young people. Yeah. I imagine the New Yorker maybe has a little bit of a problem like NPR does of its readership getting older and older. So you get those hip kids. You get those Tumblr kids in there. You think Eisenberg's really lighting up the Tumblr? Oh, he's huge on Tumblr. Eisenberg GIFs?

Are you kidding? Oh, my gosh. People love those. Really? Yeah. Only ones made by Eisenberg. Right. Eisenberg's making GIFs now.

Oh, he's got to be. Absolutely. He's got to be. Do you think Eisenberg says GIF or JIF? Oh. Yeah, I bet he says JIF and then he's a dick about it when people say GIF. be. Absolutely. He's gotta be. Do you think Eisenberg says GIF or JIF? Oh, I bet. Yeah. I bet he says JIF and then he's a dick about it when people say GIF.

Yeah. Yeah. It looks like it should be GIF though. So it looks like it should be GIF. He can stick it in his ear. I think both are, I looked this up once. Both are acceptable.

I think so. You just, everyone should feel comfortable. I think it's a, it's like a, it's like a popular use situation, you know? Yeah.

GIF, JIF. You know what? We're going to need to get Jeffrey? Yeah. GIF, GIF. You know what? We're going to need to get Jeffrey Nunberg on the line on this one. You know, that's probably best because we're just going to keep going in circles here. I was wondering what that hotline was there for. Now I see. That's for popular usage.

That's our usage board. It always goes straight to Nunberg. Yeah, well, he's the chair. I mean, he has the other members of the usage board surrounding him at all times. The widow of the late William Sapphire. Eisenberg. Nunberg, where are we in ironic? Current status of ironic.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. MaxFunCon is MaximumFun.org's annual gathering of friends in the mountains above Los Angeles. Join us this spring for comedy classes, talks, and parties with your new best pals. Tickets for the 2014 edition go on sale Friday, November 29th. And to be honest, we cannot add any more bed capacity, so expect it to sell out quick. Head to MaxFunCon.com the day after Thanksgiving to grab yours. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love good. Okay. Jordan was just telling you that to make you feel better. Okay. He didn't want you to feel unwelcome. We've been friends for a long time.

I think it's okay for me to say that was a bad nickname. So pick a better nickname. Jesse and I have a good cop, bad cop situation going on. Later, Jesse's going to hit you with a phone book. I'm definitely feeling also here now. Absolutely not. I will not bring you a cup of coffee. Here's your coffee.

Oh, thank you. Just how you like it. Oh, man. Now I'm reminded of Now You See Me again. Is there a fun coffee scene in that movie? Now You See Me. There's a fun interrogation scene, yeah. Despite being a bad movie, this seems to have kind of infiltrated your consciousness.

Clearly. Clearly, I really want to go to the Bellagio now and see a magic show. I keep forgetting that there's this whole world of people who not only go see movies, but go see movies they probably won't like because they're dumb. Yeah. No matter what, they'll just like, I'll see a movie. Wow. Yeah.

Oh, to live in such a world. I've been wishing I could go see that George Clooney in space movie. Yeah, sure. Since two months. Whatever it is, since it came out. Two months, I want to go see George.

That's my ideal movie. It's just George Clooney floating around, having danger. I think maybe people are overselling how much. It's basically Sandra Bullock in space.

Clooney pops up a couple times. Oh, really? It's a supporting role. Well, that makes me feel better about it having to do that. They're very, I mean, his little bits are terrific. So it's mostly, so he's a supporting role?

Yeah. Why would you do that? I think Clooney's just in this I can do whatever I want to place in his career. So you think that Clooney took a look at the script and said, I like it. Can you write me out of it? Yeah. I'll do it. Can I be drifting off write me out of it? Yeah. I'll do it. Can I be drifting

off camera for most of this? Oh, Clooney, I love you, friend. Well, that's my love letter to George Clooney. Let's get back to what's going on in our lives. What's happening with you, Jordan? Speaking of something infiltrating your

consciousness, and movies, actually, I heard something on the radio that I have not been able to shake since I heard it. And I've just been thinking about it basically constantly. Like, other thoughts will slip in, like, maybe I should make some dinner. Can I take a guess as to what it is? Please. I Got a Feelin' by the Black Eyed Peas. I mean, yeah.

I've only been going to weddings on the weekends, I should say. So it's, it's in there. It's in there. No, this was a, this was a call in segment from,

from the show Air Talk. Air Talk is like the local, a lot of NPR stations have a show that is a call in show that runs in the mid morning or mid afternoon. And Air Talk is the one on KPCC here in Los Angeles. Yeah, it's hosted by Larry Mantle. The most earnest and competent man in the world. Yeah, I would say that, I mean, if I was to describe Larry Mantle, I would describe him as a man made of patience. Yes, he is just none of what I like about Larry Mantle is that, you know, there are people who have this job across this great nation.

You know, Brian Lehrer in New York, for example, Jeff, if I might bring you into this conversation. And I would say there's a man named Michael Krasny. I was going to say Eiffel Tower, Empire State Building, but also Eiffel Tower. Eiffel Tower, we have none of those. There's a man named Michael Krasny who hosts the equivalent show in san francisco and i would say that often these men do a great job or men and women do a great job but if they have a weakness it might be pomposity um which is you know it's a job where it's hard not to seem pompous because you're in charge of every subject in the world right uh however what is remarkable about larry mantel is how sweet he is.

Yeah, he's very sweet. One of the great thrills of my life in Los Angeles to that point was meeting him at the Los Angeles Festival of Books, and he took a picture with me. One of the great thrills of my life in Los Angeles is when I heard our friend Asterios Kokonos call into air talk under some sort of joke name. I can't even remember what the subject.

We'll ask Asterios next time he's on the program. So yeah. So Larry Mantle is great. And obviously people who call into talk radio shows are the worst. I mean, they're audio Criss Angels, basically. They're a little bit better on public radio, but not that much. Yeah, no, totally not that much. It is amazing how much someone will call in an AM radio show.

And, yeah, I think someone who calls into public radio maybe will mention Bob Dylan. Right. Randomly. Right. So, anyway. Maybe we'll mention Bob Dylan. Right. Randomly. Right. So anyway, so and yeah, Larry Mantle is just a human built from blocks of patience. And he always like takes people seriously and treats them kindly, even if they are the craziest chemtrail fluoride in the water. Brings them gently to their point and lets them off the line without making them feel bad. Totally.

Absolutely. Yeah. Just a delight to listen to. So I was listening to him do a topic on, I guess, PG-13 movies now have, you know, an increased amount of gun violence in them. you know, an increased amount of gun violence in them. I guess the amount of gun violence that's in a PG-13 movie now is, you know, five times what it was in 1985 when PG-13 got invented. So he was talking about this and, you know, getting parents' opinions. Do you let your children see PG-13 movies? Does gun violence bother you? And it was basically a whole episode of people calling in and saying, yes, there's gun violence, but what about violence in video games?

Video games are so violent. It was basically that over and over again. And he had to say, like, well, yes, children play a lot of video games. What do you think about movies? They would just say, I don't know. And then just want to talk about violence in video games. But the only guy who called in. What about violence on Scandal?

Sure, yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. It's got a lot of violence. Kids are watching these days mostly. Yeah, well, they love something they can hashtag. They love Kerry Washington. Sure. Kids have always loved Kerry Washington.

Oh, yeah. Since way back. They love her power suits. Sure. If there's anything I know about millennials, they love power suits. Yep. Statuesque beauty. Sure, exactly.

And Josh Molina, of course, in a supporting role. Only an asshole doesn't love Josh Molina. Whether you're a teen, a tween, a millennial, a next millennial. Gen X, Gen Y. Right. Everybody loves Molina. The elderly. By the way, Dan from Sports Night starred one of my tweets.

Oh, boy. Sorry. Nice. Not bragging. Simply the truth. Continue with your story. So, yeah. So, they're talking about gun violence in PG-13 movies, and this guy calls in.

He's like, yes, I'm a father, and what bothers me about PG-13 movies isn't the gun violence. It's the nudity that they slip in there. They're slipping nudity into PG-13 movies. And Larry Mantle said like, oh, well, that's obviously a concern. So nudity to you is more important to monitor than gun violence. He's like, oh, yeah. than gun violence. He's like, oh, yeah. And he's like, so what are some examples? Like, oh, yeah, well, I mean, all these PG-13 movies, Titanic and what's that one with Rodney Dangerfield? Back to School? So the two most recent examples he could think of were Kate Winslet's nude drawing scene in Titanic

and Back to School, which, when did that get, was that 87? At best. Yeah. To be fair, there's also some nudity which I thought was inappropriate in Ladybugs. Oh. Rodney Dangerfield insists upon it. I guess I've only seen like Comedy Central edits of Back to School. What is the nudity in that?

Man, you know where I saw Back to School? Okay, so when I was, this is a weird thing, but when I was growing up, to like have extra money around the house, my mom would board ESL students. So these ESL students that would come for a couple months at a time to study English at an English college in San Francisco,

they would stay at our house and my mom would feed them and, you know, they would sleep in an extra bedroom and that kind of thing. And so one of these ESL students, his parents were, his parents came to visit and they really took a liking to our family and her father and his father was extraordinarily rich and invited me to Switzerland. And so I went to Switzerland when I was 10. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah. And my family had no money at all, so there was no...

He just bought me a plane ticket to Switzerland and said, you can stay at our house. We have a six-bedroom house or whatever. You can sleep in the Alpenhorn. Exactly, in Zurich. And it was wonderful. It was a wonderful trip. And one of the things that happened rented me because basically there was one english language video store in switzerland and there was like four choices and they so they

just went with back to school danger field so when i was 10 i watched back to school like two or three times in one day um however i don't remember anything about back to School. I remember that it was very precise. The timing was very precise. Right. That's surprising because that's the age I feel like when you drill. You have, here are the three movies I like. And you drill and you go and you go and you go. I don't think I liked it.

Yeah, you just had to. Well, it was either that or read a book in German. That wasn't going to happen. Not going to teach yourself German. Although I did play a lot of a Formula One computer game. That was another thing I did at that house. That's pretty valid. I would have done that. So what do you think this guy

what do you think this guy was mad about? Had he recently seen had he recently seen Back to School and it just infuriated him? Or did he just like, oh gosh I better call into a radio. Like it seemed like he was pulling it out of the air. What was the motivation for the call?

If I was going to guess, Jordan, I would say, you know those websites that catalog celebrity nudity? Yeah. A Mr. Skin or something else. I think he owns one of those websites. Oh. And he's upset because it means there's a whole new set of film rating films. That's so eloquently put on my part.

Yeah, film rating films. I think we got it. Sure. There's a whole new classification of films that he has to watch all of in case there's nudity. So he's upset about increased workload. Okay. Well, I mean, that's, I mean, yeah. I guess someone, right, someone probably went up to him and was like, oh, I love your celebrity nude site, Halle Berry and Swordfish, a favorite.

Jennifer Lopez and Out of Sight. I should also explain, his is for elderly homosexuals. Oh, okay. So there's Rodney Dangerfield, Henny Youngman. Somebody's like, but where's that Kate Winslet scene? Where's Dangerfield's butt in the locker room? Yeah, exactly. It's over 60.

Yeah. It's elderly Jews. It's specifically elderly Jewish men that he catalogs the nudity of. Sure. And he just happened to run into the Winslet thing and was upset by it. Sure. I mean, she's a real pig, to be fair. Well, if your interest is elderly Jewish men,

she is the worst. Kate Winslet is an F minus. Even when she's elderly, she's not going to get in there. Even then, she will climb at best to an F plus. Right. Best of the worst. Do you think fans of elderly Jewish nudity just call it elderly judity?

Yes. Ejudity. Ejudity. Ejudity.com. They have a lot to do. They have to. Get some portmanteaus in there. Yeah, you got to.

It's not going to work. You got to throw a portmanteau in there. Why is film nudity still so fascinating? I was wondering this as I was watching Masters of Sex. Masters of Sex is a pretty good show. Yeah. Pretty solid program. A lot of nudity in there.

Great. The premise of this show is that it's about the Masters and Johnson sex studies. Okay. And so on every given program, there's at least one part where they're doing a sex study. So so, you know, on every given program, there's at least one part where they're doing a sex study. So then it's just, there's electrodes and shit. If you were an electrode fetishist, this would be, this is your Citizen Kane.

I was about to ask, are there electrode fetishists? And then I just stopped myself because of course there are. Yeah. This is like the greatest day. If you're like a readout fetishist, there's a couple of different fetishes. Is she like dot matrix printers? This is like, this is, yeah.

I mean, it is like, it's like being, yeah. Anyway, it's great for those things. But I find myself thrilled by the nudity in this show. Okay. Not necessarily mega aroused, but just super excited to see it. All right. Is some of it Lizzie Kaplan based? It is.

Yay! She's a beautiful woman. She's a beautiful woman. However, the thing that strikes me about it is all the nudity, all the non-real life nudity I could ever want is available to me. Yeah. It's 2013. I have no need, and i'm not particularly interested in particular celebrities nudity no but i am still really excited when there's nudity in anything

yeah is that residual from when i was 11 here's what i think yeah uh a yes i think a little bit like yeah i think people people our age we had to kind of take our nudity where we could get it and you know uh it was usually just like a random scene in a van damme movie and let's be clear people our age this is something that we had to take when we could get it from age 10 to 12 when the internet came through not a law not our whole adolescence oh me definitely i mean we didn't have internet till i was like last, like senior year of high school. Oh, wow. So I was still pinching Playboys. Yeah, I think I got internet sixth grade.

Well, the internet wasn't like super easy at first. It wasn't like, oh, yeah. It was mostly GIFs. Yeah, it was. Right. It was mostly. GIFs was invented. Cindy Crawford GIFs.

Cindy Crawford GIFs. I mean, that was like, because I mean, all I had was a family computer. And I was just like, I don't want anyone in my family to see what I'm trying to see. See your GIFs. To see my GIFs. Right. Sure. I think you're saying my name every time.

I call mine my GIFs, too. I think you're saying GIFs every time. Your little GIFs. GIFs, GIFs. So, Jordan, so you were saying one part. So, yeah, I think part of it is, yeah time. You're a little Jeff's. Jeff's, yeah. So, Jordan, so you were saying one part. So, yeah, I think part of it is, yeah, it's like, you know, we know that we're all looking for that scene in Commando where fucking Schwarzenegger is fighting in the motel. And you finally get to see his dick. And you finally get to see his dick.

And he whacks that Russian dude in the face with it. And it is so hot. Yeah. You know, like they'll be fighting in the motel and they'll bust through a wall and it'll just be a nude woman is in the motel. And like that, you know, that was the best. That was the fucking best. By the way, can I interject here? Sure.

A few weeks ago on the program, we discussed whether the macho, muscly action stars of the 1980s were ever attractive to any women. Yes. And we followed up on this briefly, but we've had further follow-up in our forum. It's an interesting discussion, I think. Yeah, we had it. I think it's going really well. Yeah, it's really wonderful.

And we had a really wonderful, thoughtful post from a gay man who's into muscle dudes. And he said, yes, that was all he thought about through his entire adolescence. Essentially, I'm summer. I'm oversimplifying what he said, but I very much

appreciated his input on the matter, but it does seem like only dudes, whether straight or gay, it's only of interest to dudes. And that makes sense,

like I'm sure you probably talked about it at the time, but it's like, they never even, even if they got the woman at the end, like there wasn't

even kissing, right? And I'm thinking of Arnold, I'm thinking of Sylvester, I'm thinking of Jackie Chan where it's just like, no, now they're just together. And maybe he like side hugs her. Like ripped muscle dudes like Jackie Chan.

Right, right, right. I know exactly what you're talking about. Wait, I meant to say martial arts clowns. Right. Okay, so. Actually, actually, you know, can we double back to our study? Yes. I think I agree with you.

I think that I am- Our sex study? Masters and Johnson? Yeah, right. I think I agree with you that the Van Damme, Schwarzenegger, Stallone butt shots were not of interest to most women. Yeah. But I wanted to bring up, I think that we might have a sampling problem. Really?

Yeah, to go back to the world of Masters and Johnson. But I wanted to bring up, I think that we might have a sampling problem. Really? Yeah. To go back to the world of Masters and Johnson. Because our fans, their interest in, because they are self-selected, because they are already our fans. And our fans who would post on the forum. Right. They know, we know about them, that their interest in muscle dudes, big rip dudes is already satiated by listening to our show. Exactly, because it's such a muscular program. Right.

You can hear our delts. And because, yeah, I mean, basically because of the two of us clapping our delts, our pecs. Yeah, that's what I have to act like it ends with. So they don't need that from film and television. So a modern example. Yeah. I think most women, most straight women, would agree that the guy who plays Thor is foxy. Do you think we can all agree to that?

Sure. Jen Marmer, is that true? Jen Marmer, the guy who plays Thor? We're putting you in the position of speaking for all straight women here, Jennifer. Would you say that many or most modern women would find Thor foxy? Chris Hemsworth. Many, she says. Many.

Sure. And in general, like if we asked our moms, you know, if we showed her a picture of Thor in Us Weekly or EW or something. My mom would say, I am only attracted to most deaf. My mom really likes most deaf. I mean, that's – I get it. That tracks. Without even showing the picture, is he most deaf? Is this man most deaf?

Is most deaf Thor right now? That would be some outside-the-box casting I'd like to see. Phenomenal, yes. So anyway, I think that the majority of women will find Chris Hemsworth attractive. Any Hemsworth, really. Yeah. If you go on Tumblr, the number three thing on Tumblr is nerd girls posting saucy pictures of the guy who plays Loki, Tom Hiddlestrom. Yep.

Previously mentioned on the show. Sure. of the guy who plays Loki, Tom Hiddlestrom, previously mentioned on the show, who is dark-haired, fae, kind of wicked. And he's the kind of beta male to Thor's alpha male. So he's the, you know, and— He's like a cumberbitch type phenomenon. Exactly, yes. It's the same kind of thing.

So I'm guessing that our audience are Loki women as opposed to Thor women. And probably in their youth, if they are as old as we are, we're probably Robert Smith fans, John Cusack fans. Or if they are more Thor women, again, they're getting enough Thor from the two of us. Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor. Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor. Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor. Exactly. Boing, boing, boing. So that's so, I think that, I think that. Wow, wow.

I should have brought all my Foley equipment. I didn't realize it was that kind of show tonight. It is. It's a Foley show. Damn it. Foley equipment. I didn't realize there was that kind of show tonight. It is. It's a Foley show.

Damn it. So I think that if there are women in their late 20s, early 30s who were attracted to Van Damme and Thor, we probably are not speaking to them. Right. So anyway. Let's circle back to nudity on screen here. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, I think we grew up with it. And also I think that nudity has made its way.

Lizzie Kaplan, by the way, the Loki of television-leading women. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yes, it's very – there are Lizzie Kaplan fellas and I'm sure they're all listening now and are in here. But I think that – yeah, we don't see nudity too much in movies. Like the – I mean to fly in the face of this air talk caller, I think that's just not... When was the last time you saw nudity in a movie? I'm trying

to think. Is Game of Thrones a movie? I think so. I'm pretty sure. Home box office. Yeah, sure. It counts as a movie. It's a box office at home. Anyway, yeah, I can't remember the last... Is there any nudity in that George Clooney in space movie? Sandra Bullock's Center Undies? Looking there any nudity in that George Clooney in space movie?

Sandra Bullock's Center Undies. Looking good, too. What about George Clooney? Looking very good. I'm really only interested in Clooney. Oh, yeah, he comes in space. It's really hard to clean up. Yeah, yeah. It's weird, you know how, like.

Unless you get a jump on it, then it's very easy. It's just like, bam. Sandwich bag. Sure. Done. You got to trap it. You got to trap that cum. Yeah. It's just like, bam. Yeah. Sandwich bag. Sure. Done. You gotta trap it. You gotta trap that cum. Yeah.

Trap it. Thwip, thwip, thwip, thwip. Thwip, thwip, thwip, thwip, thwip, thwip, thwip. Woo, woo, caw, caw, caw. Arrga. Man, when are we gonna get Michael Winslow on the show?

It's only, only a matter of time. I thought he was here, guys. So I think that it is like, it is, it's so rare. I think, I guess to me, when I am only a matter of time here guys so i think that it is like it is it's so rare i think i guess to me when i am watching a game of thrones a boardwalk empire and you do get that you know classy bit of nudity it's exciting just because we're not that's so rare these days you know that's not rare there that's not rare on tv i feel yeah i guess i feel like that's like that's what that's what that stuff's based on. Good. Yeah. It's like, where's the naked woman of the week?

There it is. But I'm just saying. There it is. There it is. Right. She's a person. The naked lady of the week is a person. I'm sorry.

I was talking about the one breast that you see. Okay. Yeah. The naked lady of the week. There it is. They would never do both at the same time. Is that how they do it on Boardwalk Empire? I'm pretty sure.

Well, it's because it's the- It's the roaring 20s. It's because it's the Jazz Age. Yeah, absolutely. Historical accuracy. They wore their half corsets then. Yeah. But there is a lot of scenes in Boardwalk Empire where they're at a brothel and there's just that sloppy

prostitute whose nightgown is coming down. So there is a lot of one boob, I guess, in Boardwalk Empire. I guess so. Anyway. So yeah, I think that's what it is. I think just like seeing nudity in a narrative is weird these days and kind of has some of that surprise factors come back. Inside me every time nudity happens on Game of Thrones or the shows that I watch with significant nudity would be Game of Thrones and Masters of Sex, which I've been watching recently. and this Masters of Sex, which I've been watching recently. And inside me, when the nudity happens,

there is still like a 12-year-old going, yes! Yes! This is probably a comment. You saw it! Probably a comment on my attitude towards sex, but I still feel guilty. Like if I'm watching with someone, like my girlfriend, my significant other, I'm like, I look at her out of the side of my eyes like, does she see me looking?

Should I pretend to be reading a magazine during this TV show? I think I'm a grown up. Do I just like eyes fixed on the screen? Do I cross my eyes? Do I fake pass out? Should I stand on my head? So it looks like I'm looking at it upside down and it wouldn't mean anything to me? I have done that a couple of times.

Right. See, I would play and she was just ignoring me. She was way into the nudity. I guess I can think of two strategies for that when watching with a significant other. Number one is called the Stevie Wonder. Right. Pretend that you've gone blind. Really dark.

Yeah. And a sort of vague head nod. Yeah. I would say just like compliment something in the background like, look at that credenza. That's a gorgeous credenza. And like, oh, I didn't even know that this woman was nude and getting railed. And then, or. Can I tell you that on Masters of Sex, sometimes there's nudity and in the background you can see the same coat rack I have in my office.

And I'm like, I could say, hey, look at that coat rack. It's the same one from the office. You wave at it. Hi, coat rack. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, you could be retarded wave at furniture um so okay so check out that credenza sure or just ew yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck just pretend like you're super grossed out by it what if i just made crow sounds and then you eat corn.

And then I plot against my enemies. There you go. You know what? A listener on Twitter, speaking of, I didn't mean to bring up crows so that I could rail against them, but they deserve it. A listener, well, I hate crows. How come? They're ugly. Okay.

I'm pretty sure they're planning something. Sure. Too big. They're bigger than you think they should be, especially if they get too close. You're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Are there a lot of crows out here? I don't really know the difference between them. They might be ravens. Yeah, yeah.

Well, I was going to say about ravens, because ravens are terrifying. Yeah, they're spooky. I was in Ireland last year, and ravens are like pigeons there. I was just like, jeez. You're like, give me a break, you fucking creepy. It's probably- Eating a hot dog off the floor,. I was just like, you're like, give me a break, you fucking creepy. It's probably a hot dog off the floor. And it was just like,

what I don't like is that they're more likely to be a wizard's familiar. Yeah. And you hate wizards. Anyway, fucking crows learn from each other

and plan against their enemies. A fucking listener emailed me a science study about that. Science has proven that crows fucking are going to take over. A murder of crows. That's probably why they call that. Sure.

Crows versus ravens, pick. I know. Yes, I pick yes. I think the crows should fight the ravens. To the death. Last crow standing. We'll see what's left. We'll see what the fuck is left at the end, and then maybe woodpeckers can take care of that shit.

Yeah, they just swoop in. Definitely pro-woodpecker. Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck. Yeah. That sounds like your muscles. Woodpeckers are nature's cleaners. Was that your muscles again? Well, I made the sound of a woodpecker using my guns.

Well, I mean, I think your muscles are so, I mean, people say you're Jesse Thorne the human tree. Right. Because you're so sturdy. So I could see a woodpecker getting confused, thinking that's a great place to store an acorn and coming in, pecking on your pecks. Well, you know, here's the thing. They're not going to get in there. I would just do one flex. Pow.

Bam. Pop. Yeah. Off into the sky they go. No need to fear them. If you can do that, you're set. I don't know. I don't fear a fucking woodpecker. Oh, we're still talking about woodpeckers.

Yeah, crows. What if a crow got its beak in your muscle? Well, then that's a concern. I mean, that's a concern, especially if it's got a plan that it cooked up with its friends. The woodpecker is working solo. Close your eyes. Pretend it's a woodpecker. I believe in your muscles.

I see them right now. So you think my muscles could take a crow if I believed it to be a woodpecker. I believe in your muscles. I see them right now. So you think my muscles could take a crow if I believed it to be a woodpecker? Absolutely. I mean, it's like mind over matter plus muscle. Don't forget the muscle in there. Mind plus muscle over crow. That's the order of operations,

yes. We'll be back in just a second, I'm Jordan. Just so you know. this ago. This is Jesse Thorne, proprietor of MaximumFun.org and host of International Waters. International Waters pits a team of comedians in London against a team of comedians here in LA over several rounds of very stupid pop culture questions and games.

The points don't matter. The funny does. And every once in a while, you'll see a Rube or a Rustic tuck the tablecloth into their pants and stand up and ruin everyone's evening. That's someone who never went to a practice restaurant. So join me and the best comedians in the English-speaking world for International Waters. Go to MaximumFun.org or look for us in the iTunes store. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I'm Jeff Haggerty, the Ohio State University. That's good. I like that. That's fun. Thank you. So people don't think it's Miami of Ohio. Right.

Or the University of Miami. That's right. Florida State Seminoles. Different. That's fun. Thank you. So people don't think it's Miami of Ohio. Right. Or the University of Miami. That's right. Florida State Seminoles. Different. Yeah, exactly. People get all those state universities mixed up. Here's your coffee. Made sure to say thanks.

I really like this Jordan guy. I don't know about this Jesse. I've been working from home. And so I've had some business meetings lately. And I have taken them at the Mexican restaurant by my house, La Beja. Okay. That means the bumblebee. Great, great restaurant.

Known popularly as Mexican Three Stooges because the owner, it's a family restaurant owned by a mother and father, and their son works there as well. And the father loves the Three Stooges, has a bunch of Three Stooges stuff in the restaurant, and a huge mural loves the Three Stooges, has a bunch of Three Stooges stuff in the restaurant and a huge mural of the Three Stooges. But the Three Stooges are definitely Latino in the mural. It's not clear whether they're supposed to be Latino in the mural, but they definitely are. And it's a great restaurant,

my favorite restaurant in the world. I went out and said it. Wow. And it's on this block of really questionable businesses. Sure, like places that sell phone cards. Yes, there is a store that sells phone cards. There is. It's a sort of miscellaneous,

it's sort of a miscellaneous, you know, recent immigrant neighborhood shit store. So phone cards, pinatas, jumper rentals, you know, the various things, you know, tamarind candies. So that's fine. Then next to it, e-cigarette store. The art and science of electronic cigarettes. It's called, oh,

it was called Vape-On 2. Mm-hmm. Which I think- Second location. I think it was the second location. The original one

was called Vape-On. It was named after the Dream On, the HBO show. Not the Aerosmith song. No. Or the common saying. Based on the popular put down.

Yes. And there is a gas station that no longer has gas. It's just the mini mart. It's just the mini mart. It's real sad. That is. I've gone in there a few times to get mini mart things because it's the closest convenience store to my house. And every time I go in there, I am just crushed by the sadness of this place.

And just the raw surliness of the man running the counter just hates that I'm there. Yeah. Just one of those things where I went in one time to get ice and he just stared at me for a few seconds and then just pointed. You know what I mean? It's that kind of situation. So these are the businesses, but there's also a bicycle co-op and it's just a real small storefront on this street. And it's got a sign in the window that says classes, you know, whatever, bike co-op, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And Friday and Saturday nights, this place has – they'll cone off a couple of parking spaces and they'll have bikes chock-a-block in those parking spaces, 40, 50 bikes. Wow.

And they have big party – like hangout parties there at the bike co-op. All these bike people in their little bike outfits in the whole nine yards. Sure. You know what I mean? Kind of punk rock bike messenger type guys. Suicidal tendencies cap. Sure. Or, you know, in our neighborhood, you're talking about a, you know, Morrissey t-shirt.

Sure. A Morrissey t-shirt also has a suicidal tendencies cap. Oh, okay. Cool. Yeah. So it's, you know, like Latino metal guys also. A lot of Latino metal guys in bike caps you know with the bill turned up uh that kind of thing um and just miscellaneous bike types but it's a it's a uh

uh you know it's not a portland type sure bike bike collective it is an east los angeles type bike collective so i went in there because i have been riding my bike a lot more in uh commuting to work sometimes on my bike and i don't really know how to do anything with a bike. And there was just two guys hanging out in there. One guy, I want to say mid-30s, another guy maybe mid-20s, just talking to each other. And it's a real small space, just a couple of bike stands, you know, that you put your bike up on to repair and a counter.

Nobody's behind the counter, so there's these two guys there, and I say, hey. And they turn and look at me, and they say, hi. And they turn and look at me and they say, hi. And then they turn back to each other and start talking again. And I say, so do you guys have any classes in here? Do you guys have classes here? What are you hoping to get from a bike class? I want to learn how to change my tires, lubricate my chain.

Is there a class that helps you bike better? Is that a thing? Yeah, just pump my glutes. Sure, yeah. I want to blast my glutes. Sure, you got to blast your glutes. You got to blast something when you're biking. Sure. I want to be able to,

because it's like a 45-minute ride, so if something goes wrong when I'm 25 minutes from home on my bike, I want to be able to fix that thing enough that I can make it the 20 minutes to my office or the 25 minutes back to my house rather than having to, I guess, call a cab to put my bike in. I don't know what I would do in any other context. You need a class. Yeah, I need a little class just to learn how to switch my bike in. I don't know what I would do in any other context. You need a class. Yeah, I need a little class just to learn how to switch my bike tube and stuff. I had to teach myself how to switch my bike tube because this happened to me. I blew out my tube, and luckily it was like three blocks from my house, so I could just walk my bike back to my house, go on YouTube,

figure out how to change a bike tube, and then do it. It took me like three hours, but I figured it out. You've got to go on TubeTube for that to learn all sorts of tube-related. So I go in this. So I'm thinking I can just take. Tubeworms, also facts about tubeworms. That's something else you can also find on TubeTube. It's mostly tubeworms.

There's some bike stuff in there. I'm thinking I'm not ready to be a bike guy, but I'm ready to give the bike people $75 and take a couple Sunday afternoons and learn some basic shit about bikes. And then I can feel like I've contributed to this really valuable neighborhood resource. They also are trying to get bike lanes on this big street that's right by my house. I really appreciate that as a person who's scared to fucking death to ride his bike on that street. And so I want to get his bike on that street. And so, you know, I wanted to, you know, I want to get involved and learn a skill.

So I asked the guys who got a class here. One of them goes, yeah. And the other one goes, nope. Good cop, bad cop. Yeah. They're giving me the good cop. Yes cop, no cop. The guy who says.

Good bike co-op guy, bad bike co-op guy bad bike co-op guy they sort of talk over each other for a second and then what comes out of it is the one guy says there's a class here but we don't teach it like okay and so i'm like well then is there a way can i sign up for the class or when is the class? And they're like, well, we're thinking about having a class. Now, I want to be clear. The story is changing every moment. There's a big sign in the window that says classes. But it would be abundantly clear that that's the case.

Do you think it could have been just like a reverse graffiti situation where the sign said asses? Yeah, that's probably what it is. And someone's like, oh, I should make this say classes. I should clean it up a little bit. This is already funny. I mean, it's already weird enough that there's any sign in any window

near my house in any storefront that doesn't say Zumba. But, okay, so I'm having this conversation with these guys who are absolutely just... Do you think they just

want you to leave? What's weird is they have the exact middle tone between embracing me and utter contempt like such a mix of those two things yeah um was it one each the one guy who was saying yes and no or it was like they both no it was a bouillabaisse on each of their parts that it was really a mix of social signals coming. And so they said, one of the guys says, why don't you write down your email address? And I'm like, this email address is going straight in the can,

but I'll do that. I mean, I do genuinely want to take this bike class. That's why I walked into this weird random storefront that doesn't have a name on it. Just a picture of a bicycle and says classes. Yeah. So I say, okay, I'll write it down.

And then they sort of go back to their conversation. I'm like, so I guess I should find a piece of paper and a pen. And they look at me and they just nod. Oh my God. So luckily there's like an envelope, like some junk mail on the counter. So you just wrote it on their Bed Bath & Beyond coupon? And, you know, one of those kind of, yes, and one of those kind of Bic pens where the cap is lost and, you know what I mean? Yeah.

So I wrote my information on it and I wrote underneath bike class. And I handed it to them. You should have wrote bike ass. Yeah, and then it was legitimate. I don't know where I stand with these people. I don't know if I talk to, they probably only

talk through one of those human megaphones. You know what I mean? What's that? Like what a toxin uses to roll? No, like from the 99... That seems like a gay sex move.

From the Occupy Wall Street, you know, the human megaphone is where one guy says they're all having a collective, making a collective decision. So one person says something and then everyone else repeats it really loud altogether. Right. Hmm. You don't know you hear about this? I didn't hear about this. That was one of the most interesting and

hilarious things about the entire Occupy movement. It was very sweet. I think overall the number one quality it had was that it was very sweet.

Occupy related. I saw a guy on a skateboard wearing a Guy Fawkes mask the other day. It was great. I wanted to fucking high five that dude

so hard. I don't know if I am It was great. I wanted to fucking high five that dude so hard. I don't know if I am going to be, I really don't know. Well, I mean, if they reach out to you, you're going to take that class. You want it to work. Yes, of course I want it to work. But if I show up for that class, what if I show up for that class? I just end up getting beaten with a bicycle chain. I don't think they care enough about you to do that, to be totally honest.

Yeah, they wouldn't waste the chain. I feel like there's going to be a test at the beginning of the bicycle class where I show my calf. Yeah. If there's insufficient definition. Now, of course, that's not going to be a problem but yeah I mean it seems like this is such a classic hipster business where they like whether it's intentional or not they're making you feel lucky to be included on whatever

it's way past the hipster business is a full on anarchist bookstore is way beyond it's way beyond artisanal whatever because the artisanal hipster bullshit whatever is specifically for rich people. And so they want to make you feel bad, but their goal of making you feel bad is to separate you from too much money.

Like to get you to pay $20 for some honey. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? This business does not want my money because they just want to hang out, drink, and do human megaphones. Yeah, I think it sounds like, or this might be a situation. I guess I kind of like thinking about businesses like this. I think it's probably very, very likely that whoever owned it might know more about the classes and might be able to direct you, but he had to like,

you know, yeah, stay home or he was too hungover. So these are just his buddies who are watching the store. Seven and eight or something. There's nothing for sale. Okay. Let's be clear.

You can rent. They explained to me that you can rent one of the stands. I think what happens is you rent a stand and then somebody just helps you because they're hanging out there. Right. I think. I think the research is on you. You have to figure out what they do.

Tell them what they do. That's how. And then they might do it for you. Right. They might not know what they're doing there. It's like, I feel like it's like a boys and girls club without the teachers. Like there's a wheel for shining plastics and metals. You know what I mean?

But you got to figure out how to use it or you're fucked. Like it's available to you. You know what I mean? Yeah. There's a to you. You know what I mean? Yeah. There's a circular saw, but if you don't know what to saw with that saw, you're out of luck. You're busted.

I mean, maybe I'm thinking like the next time you go in, I'm thinking like peace offering, like bring them something for the store, something that they would need. A pound cake? Yeah, a pound cake maybe. A nice quiche. Yeah.

Hey, guys. You know what I wish? One of our past interns who works on events with us when we have events, Mariel Reyes, is a bicycle enthusiast, and she's also a tough Dominican lesbian. And I feel like if Mariel was with me, they would accept me as one of their own immediately. But she lives in New York.

I need a tough lesbian cycling enthusiast to integrate me into this world to the point where I can reach the point of bare competency where I can fake it from there on out. Right. I mean, like, you've got to be able to. Maybe if they have a message board at the bike shop, you could, like, find someone, just kind of, like, sneak in. Put your phone number on the bulletin board. Straight white 30-something man. Yes, seeks. Seeks tough Dominican lesbian.

Or other parentheses, not sex, promise. You got to lead off with that. Must be cycling enthusiast, have own chains. Well, I mean, it might not be completely a race thing. Have you thought about just adopting that costume for when you go in? I mean, get yourself. Wearing the clothing of a tough lesbian? Or one of these guys.

Wear those tight shorts that stop above the knee. Get yourself a Suicidal Tendencies cap. Flip up the brim. Right. Yeah, I mean, Morrissey t-shirts, Slayer t-shirt tank top. I think they're going to take one look at my gut and they're going to know I'm not one of them. Those guys have guts, right? There's some guts in that club, I bet.

There's got to be. Some beard guts. I've definitely seen some gutty bikers. Yeah. There's definitely some beers. Totally. There's no doubt that there's beer guts. I've definitely seen some gutty bikers. Yeah. There's definitely some beers. Totally. There's no doubt that there's some beers. I've seen that joint on Friday and Saturday night.

They knock a few back. I don't think the gut excludes you. I feel like I've seen cycling enthusiasts that are a borderline tubby. Oh, yeah? Yeah. There's some tubbies in that. So you think if I just punk rocked myself out a little bit. Get yourself, put

your keys on the climbing hook. Carabiner. Carabiner. There you go. Can I get in here for a second? Yeah. Jesse, here's what you need to do. Grab a mini DVD player. Throw in Premium Rush. Right. Watch it. Walk into the store. Show that you're

make it clear like, look, I'm watching this. Guys, I don't have a lot of time. I have to finish Premium Rush, so can we make this quick? Right. Can I ask you a question? Yes, of course. I actually already have a mini DVD player, portable DVD player. I know. You've been to my house while I was asleep.

Of course. I know all about this. You've been to my house while I was asleep, of course. I know all about this. I have a portable DVD player, but I don't have a copy of Premium Rush. I do have a copy of both the classic and new Disney Winnie the Pooh movie. Do you have a recommendation between those two? Which one I be bringing in when I walk into this shop next time. Got to go classic. Yeah, classic poo.

I'm not going to respond to the new poo. No. Absolutely not. They're going to want to hear, I'm just a little black rain. Cloud. Yeah, absolutely. That's the stuff. Hovering over.

This is great. I'm just a little black rain cloud. You can lose the DVD player now. Just walk in singing that. Walk in singing that. You know the film. I know the song. Yeah.

Boy, Winnie the Pooh to me was so fucking boring when I was a kid. Really? Come on. What? It's the best kids thing. It's the only good Disney thing. The donkey is sad. He's a fucking bummer.

Tigger's alright. Kids feel sad sometimes. You didn't know that? I was aware about sad. I was so bored. Poo and tin tin were the two things I'm like, I can't. Come on.

I didn't do tin-tin. I think you mean tan-tan. I do mean, excuse me, tan-tan. I think you mean pom-pom. I believe it's pronounced pom-pom. I think there are probably some cycling enthusiasts of the hardcore urban variety who can help me in this situation. Yeah. And by help me, I mean just come over to my house and we'll walk down together.

Walk you in there. Bodyguards. Yeah. Straight up bodyguards. Oh, my God. So surly. Oh, you should also be drinking like a 40 of malt liquor out of a paper bag. Oh, there's no doubt about that.

I mean, that's obvious. I'm going to have to pour the malt liquor out and replace it with something else that I, as a non-drinker, can drink, like grape soda. Sure. It doesn't look like malt liquor. I guess I've never seen malt liquor. Does it look

more like orange soda? Maybe boil down some apple juice so it's a little more concentrated. Like a cream soda, but let the carbonation get out of there. So I should put, what should I put? So part grape soda. Yeah. No parts grape soda.

Part orange soda. Don't put any grape soda in there. Don't put any grape soda. There's really only two sodas I want to have in there, grape and orange. Wait, no. What proportion should I use? That might work. Yeah.

You know, just drinking a Capri Sun. Okay. Got it. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm Jeff Haggerty, the Ohio State University. Okay, let's get up on the... Speaking of sport, college sport, professional sport, sports stadia, let's look up on the Jumbotron, where we will find the Kickstarter project Fritz the Rat King.

Fritz the Rat King. It's a fully illustrated version of the Nutcracker that takes a Nightmare Before Christmas slash Where the Wild Things Are twist. And, hey, if it gets funded on Kickstarter, old Jesse Thorne's going to do the audio book. I think so. I think I have agreed to this. I think I have agreed to this. I don't remember if a rate was negotiated.

But, you know. Hopefully that's part of the money they're raising. Yeah. Yeah. And you know. Hopefully that's part of the money they're raising. Yeah. Yeah. And you know what? If you're going to kick in some money for this and it goes, I say just send me a check. Yeah. Send me a little extra.

You know what I mean? Why not? It's me that you love. Yeah. Throw in the thorn cut. I mean, sure. Fritz the Rat King is great. Yeah.

Nothing wrong with Fritz the Rat King. He's one of the best. He's probably. I mean, he's one of the best children's books about a rat king. Mm-hmm. Presumably. Yeah, nothing wrong with Fritz the Rat King. He's one of the best children's books about a rat king, presumably. Yeah. Wait, is the Rat King where all their tails get stuck together? I was going to say, do we know what a real rat king is? But the Rat King is-

Sounds like a gay sex move. It almost sounds good. The Rat King in the Nutcracker. The Rat King is the bad guy in the Nutcracker, right? Yes, I think so. Is his name Fritz in the original ballet? I don't know. I think it is.

Also Ninja Turtles has the Rat King. That's one of the lesser bad guys. No, the Rat King. He's like a guy who lives in the sewer. He's a man, right? Who can control rats. Yeah, he can control rats. He can control their minds.

That was the first rat king I knew. Why did they have to fight all those animal mutant guys and also just a dude that can control rats? I think, if I'm remembering my Ninja Turtles correctly, I think maybe it started out they were fighting humans, and then that was boring, and then they figured out you could just mutate animals, and that's more popular. I think so. Are we talking about in the comic book or in the TV show? I think just TV. I don't know anything about the comics. Or the film series.

Yeah. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles started as boys. They were just boys fighting men. Who just were called a weird thing. Yes. They just called themselves that. And then slowly they turned them into ninjas. Slowly they added the turtle part. Yeah. What about Master Splinter?

He was always there. He was always the giant living speaking rat. Okay. So that was sort of, originally the idea was there was these boys. They met this giant rat. And they said, we got to get with this. Yeah. They couldn't find a rat, but they did find some turtles.

Right. So they invented a substance, the ooze. Yeah. Right. As it's known. Or did the rat invent this substance? I'm not positive anymore. I think he had some.

And why did they decide to use turtles? Was it because their other 1950s cliches weren't animate? They couldn't use a baseball mitt or a fishing pole? Oh, you're thinking of, like, boy cliches from... Yeah. Okay. Yeah, like a skinned... Like a skinned knee. They were originally...

They were originally a mutant Cub Scout pack. Yeah. Okay. Moral of the story is look for Fritz the Rat King on Kickstarter. A listener trying to put this book together. Bet it's neat. I'd like to be the voice of it. I've never been the voice of an audio book.

All I've ever really been the voice of, really, is some ESL exams once. It's pretty good. Oh, it's pretty good. It was pretty good. I mean, I taught some, I judged some young people's, some young Japanese people's ability to speak English. I'd like to be the voice of more things. Yeah. You know, our friend Tom Sharpling recently became the voice of a character on a television

program on the Cartoon Network. Okay. And look, God bless Tom. I'm glad to hear he got that great gig. That's great. You know, me and Jordan are sitting right here.

I'm actually going to be the voice of a cartoon on ComedyCentral.com. Oh, boy. Oh, what the fuck? Lightning just struck in between you two guys. Whoa, what the fuck?

Black lightning. Yeah. You didn't even tell me about this. Yeah, I am, yeah. Me and Steve Agee. You and fucking Steve Agee? Yeah, Rich Fulcher, too.

The three of you cut me out? We talked about it. You and Steve Agee. We talked about it. We had the full short episode, arguably the greatest episode of Jordan, Jesse, go ever. Until this one. You and Agee went off and said, this is a really great team if we replace Thorn with Fulcher. Yeah.

It had a Thornish quality that didn't quite work, but if we added a little Fulcher. So weird you as the American Fulcher. Okay. 500 bucks. That's what I, 500 bucks, I'll narrate your shit. Wow. A thousand bucks, I'll narrate your shit. Depending. 1,000 bucks, I'll narrate your shit. Depending on what the shit is, I guess.

It depends on what it is. I'm not going to narrate your whole fucking H.P. Lovecraft-style novel for 500 bucks. I know what you're emailing me right now. If you want to be the voice of things. Lovecraft wrote more like short stories, so that would be a... Well, but it's a novel in the style of Lovecraft.

Oh, okay, gotcha. They're not just paying me to read Lovecraft out loud to them. And I'll do that. I might get spooked out, though. It's pretty spooky. It's scary.

I don't want it. No spooky stuff. Cthulhu. Here's the rules. $500. He started out being very accommodating. Now there's too many rules.

$500, maybe $1,000. No spooky stuff. Not going to say no to $1,000. Not. $500, maybe $1,000. No spooky stuff. Not going to say no to $1,000. Not going to say no to $1,000. I'm going to say no to spooky. Look, if you got $20,000, let's do this. Let's make this happen. Email Teresa at MaximumFun.org and we will make dreams come true.

You want me to narrate a fucking television commercial? Yeah. Give me some residuals and I'm in. It's a warm, familiar voice that millennials love. That will get mad at you. If something is too spooky. You want a couple looks?

I'll give you a couple sounds for my take. Oh, this is a rich voice. This is a wonderful product. Or how about this? This is like my fun millennial guy. Hey, I love skateboarding and this wonderful product. Oh, my God.

He's so impetuous. You know what I mean? That's like a guy that has, let me put it this way, personality to burn. Yeah. You know what I mean? I have 100 voices bursting out of me. Each one worth at least $50,000. $500,000 buys one of each.

One of each of my voices, just half a million dollars. That's phenomenal. That's a bargain, honestly. You got a used car dealership? I'll do your radio spot. I got my own studio. Let's ISDN this shit. Let's be clear, I don't have ISDN.

You'll have to send that over. Yeah. Oh, man. Jeff, have you ever done a voiceover job? No, I haven't. So you're one of the proud. I feel like a Jesse Thorne when it comes to not being the voice of something. Is that an insult?

Yeah, absolutely. 100%. You go home to your girlfriend and she's like, what's the matter? You're like, I'm just feeling kind of like a Jesse Thorne today. I know that right now out there, there are advertising briefs across this great nation looking for a voice. Some of them advertising briefs across this great nation looking for some of them advertising briefs looking for a voice that sounds older than it is but not quite like an old trustworthy person and insincere but not insincere enough to be like an alt rock voice kind of guy just a real tweener type voice can i ask a

question can i ask a question like because you guys are known for your voices so much. Do you get people guessing? Hold on. Mm-hmm. Yes, you can ask me a question. Excellent. Thank you. Hold on.

Let me get my colorful ethnic grandmother. Yes, we're known for our voices. The old country. Sorry, go ahead. Have you ever had people, like, guess what you look like? And obviously that, like in the internet age, this isn't like Casey Kasem. This isn't like, like Casey Kasem, for example, I pictured what he looked like. Right.

Has anyone ever told you like, oh, I think you look like this just based on your voice? Yeah. I mean, I think people tend, based on my voice, when they meet me in real life, they say, wow, I'm surprised and disappointed because you're out of my league. Your looks are out of my league. So a lot of times they hear me and they think, you know, it's a seven and eight. That's something I could get. Then they see me and they think that's something that's out of my reach.

10.5. Yeah. Then they try and get you drunk. So you lower your standards? Yeah, pretty much. I mean, that's pretty much how it works. I mean, that's how they fucked Garrison Keillor. Bagged.

Yeah. Bagged Keillor. Bagged Keillor. Is that what they call it in the Midwest? That's what they call it on Tumblr. Yeah. Keillor bagging. Keillorbagging.tumblr.com. what they call it in the midwest that's what they call it on tumblr yeah keeler baggin keeler baggin just pictures of gears and keeler fucking no one make that tumblr no one make it i know you want to

i know you don't make it don't make that tumblr i agree one time i was almost the voice of jet blue oh yeah on the radio only on the only on the radio. Starley kind radio, super producer, Starley kind had a buddy that worked in advertising pitched. He said, she said, I need just the right voice, blah,

blah, blah. And, and so I recorded something. They, the guy said, yeah, this is fucking perfect.

This is great. Until it hit jet blue, jet blue vetoed me. Ah, isn't that bullshit? Yeah. Did they even send you some of those blue chips as a consolation prize? Some Terra blues?

Not even one Terra blue chip. You should really demand some Terra blues. If you're out there, if you're a major airline, even a minor. I don't know. I still feel really good about that. Wait, can we just devote a section of the podcast every week to just saying jobs we want? Yes. That's what I'm doing right now. Yeah.

Do you want to be back on this next week? Totally. Professional water skier. That's my suggestion for next week. Blowjob tester. I'm not going to be here next week. Can I say what I want to say? Oh, sure. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Third basement for the Yankees. Yeah. Yeah. That's what a dick would say. Hey, I love the Yankees. I know. You're such a sweet guy. I almost forgive you for loving the Yankees. I'm from

there. I think I have to be grandfathered in. I'm from there. Yankee Stadium? I'm from Yankee Stadium. I'm from the boogie town. You were conceived there. And born, strangely. Nine months later. Your mom was trapped under the bleachers for nine months during a bleacher accident. It was a collapse.

You're from the only generation where I can almost kind of accept being a Yankees fan because you probably, when you were growing up and just becoming aware of baseball, the Yankees were horrible. Yeah. I brought this point up just the other day in my own defense. It's not – now, I want to be clear. It's not 100% acceptable. My own personal theory, as I think you probably know,

is that you're only allowed to be a Yankees fan if you're born and raised in the Bronx. Okay. Because otherwise you had the option of being a Mets fan and you should have chosen it. But that was the front runner. That was the 80s. That was like rooting for coked up monsters.

It'd be like watching Space Jam and then rooting for the Monstars. In the 80s there was... They were on coke Jam and then rooting for the Monstars. In the 80s, there was... They were on coke, right? That's why they were so fierce. Monstars. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go. It's Jordan and Jesse Go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morse, boy detective. Jeff Hagerty, the Ohio State University. You know, when something momentous Hagerty, the Ohio State University. You know, when something momentous happens to you, our listener, we ask that you call us at 206-984-4FUN for a segment called Momentous Occasions. Or email us at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. Let's take a listen to our first call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, impossible guest.

This is Alex from Bend, Texas. I was just listening to episode number 29 when Jesse announced Bertham's new son, Oscar. Congratulations, by the way. I hear you announced that was momentous because I also have two sons, and they're also named Simon and Oscar. These are seven and three. Struck me as noteworthy and worth a quick phone call. Enjoy the movie. Bye.

Pretty good. Yeah. Pretty good. Yeah. Pretty solid. So what should he change his son's names to? Well, if I lived in Denton, at least one of my children would be named John Darnielle. I would probably name one John Darnielle and the other one Mountain Goats.

Just Mountain Goat. Yeah, Mountain Goat. Yeah. No, Mountain Goats. It's all one word. Yeah, mountain goat. Yeah. No, mountain goats. It's all one word. Boy, I bet the kid who gets named John Darnielle is probably like, yes! Yeah.

Glad I dodged that. Well, also, who wouldn't want to be named after John Darnielle? That guy's the greatest. Just name the other kid John Worcester. Yeah. Underground rock heroes, like sort of wordy literary world of underground, like brainy rock heroes is probably what you want to name your kids after in Denton. Sure.

Next call, please. Hi, this is Claire in San Luis Obispo, California, and I have a moment of occasion for you. I have just picked up my mail from today and I am pleased to report that I am an official Nielsen family. So I hope everyone is ready for endless reruns of Murder, She Wrote and cartoons for

adults. Thanks. Bye. Holy shit. Do you have fusion? It is obvious what you need to do for our friend Jeff Haggerty here. Please listen to fusion. You could literally be the only Nielsen family in America watching fusion. That is very possible. Don't you have to pay to have a Nielsen rating even?

Yeah, I think so. I don't think we're doing that yet. I think we don't want a rating. When I worked for Fuel TV, which is a similarly rink-a-dink operation, they didn't pay to get Nielsen rated. I forgot that there was a Fuel also because there's Fuel and there's Fuse and now Fusion. Fuel's not around anymore.

Have you heard about my new network, Fuelzen? Funyun? Then there's Fusion's network. Fuel doesn't exist anymore? It doesn't. It's Fox Sports 2 now. What happens on Fox Sports 2? Soccer? A lot of different.

No, well, that's Fox. There is Fox Sports en Español. There's Fox Soccer and there's Fox Deportes. Oh. Wait, Fox Sports en Español is different from Fox Deportes? It is, but I don't know how. Oh, wow. Yeah.

There's a lot of. So what happens on Fox Sports 2? A lot of different stuff. A lot of UFC. A lot like some NASCAR stuff. Some IndyCar stuff. Just the same... How about Funny Cars?

Yeah, Funny Cars. Funny Cars. Yeah. Truckasaurus has a show. Oh, yeah. He deserves it. He's got a talk show. Yeah.

It's on every Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. Okay. Next call. Next call. Next call. Hello, Jordan, Jesse, and distinguished guests. I'm caught with a momentous occasion. I'm 33. This is my first car accident. I was going about 70 on an interstate hydro plant and rolled the car three times. Got out, walked away from it, and I'm just fine. Immortal power, plug it in. Yeah.

Plug it in. That's great. Impervious to physical harm. Did he call immediately after escaping the car? He better have. I like to think so, yeah. Yeah, if this was like two days later, this guy can go ahead and fuck himself.

Middle of the second barrel roll. He's like, I got a call. Jordan, Jesse, go. It would be awesome if as he was making the call, walking away from the car, behind him the car exploded in a ball of flame. He was just walking in slow motion. Yeah. It would be great.

I would have it any other way. Can I tell you guys what my momentous occasion is this week? Sure. I recorded this whole segment with my dog Coco on my lap. Aw, she's being so good, too. I know, she's a good girl. Good Coco's being. She's a very good girl.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. Go. It's Jordan, Jessica. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jeff Haggerty, The Ohio State University. You know what? Radio commercials I'll do.

Television commercials. Animated films. How about this? Next time you're making one of those shitty sort of knockoff kids movies, you know what I mean? Not like a DreamWorks one or a Disney one, but one of the ones that of knockoff kids movies, you know what I mean? Not like a DreamWorks one or a Disney one, but one of the ones that's supposed to like bolt. Sure. You know what I mean?

It's supposed to seem like it's one of those. Ach, I'll play your Scottish character. You know, like, oh, it's a Scottish hen. I mean, yeah, it gives love Hen, who sounds like a man. I think, but I think the problem with those is that those are super reliant on, like, celebrity voiceovers. Yeah, I'm from National Public Radio. Oh, okay, yeah. Jesse Thorne, voice of Jet Blue.

Jesse Thorne. The characters, I think the other actors will be me, Tom Bodette from Motown 6. Tom Bodette's probably done two of those movies. I bet he has two. Don't you think? That would be my guess. Maybe three. Although I think that the knockoff ones are more celebrity infused than the regular ones.

Judge Reinhold? Yeah, Judge Reinhold. But I think that's where your Cameron Diaz's and stuff go to get a little payday. What about a real one? I think you probably have more of a chance getting in a Pixar movie. That's when they get a- Jordan Jesse Go fans work at Pixar. Oh. How about this?

Put us in there. How about this? We sneak our asses in there. Yeah. I wouldn't even have to get paid until after the fact. Just record a track, leave it there, say you're welcome, as the Scottish Hen. Right. They'll write a movie around that.

These monsters are going to college. The Scottish Hen observing Monsters University happening. Look out, Wally 2. In Wally 2, Wally, WALL-E 2. In WALL-E 2, WALL-E's name is WALL-E 2. Nobody talks to this robot, and the robot himself doesn't talk. Yes, put me in all of the movies. There you go. And watching the movie.

Not even there. Talking about how much he enjoys W Not even there. Talking about what, yeah, talking about how much he enjoys WALL-E. What about this? Ach! Ach! Trains are a new type of transportation

that are easy to merchandise. Let's do it! The pitch meeting hen. Oh, oh my God, this hen is a monster. Phenomenal.

A Latino paranormal activity. That's what the hen wants to monster. Phenomenal. A Latino paranormal activity. That's what the hen wants to make. Ah, Generation Y or Millennial, doesn't matter. I appeal to both. Oh, this hen is already a pop cultural phenomenon. This is amazing. I love that Pixar movie. This happens, right?

Yeah. This is a reference. It's the most that Pixar movie. This happens, right? Yeah. This is a reference. It's the most confusing Pixar movie. And you know what? I want to add one more thing. Jeffrey Katzenberg, if you're out there and you want to knock off this Pixar movie, I'm there for you too.

Before it happens. Yeah, knock it off before it happens. Sure. Fucking A Bug's Life slash what was the other thing called? Ants. Ants. Ants with a Z. Absolutely. I'll fucking get that Woody Allen money. I want that Woody Allen money. I want that Cliff from Cheers money. Let's do this. Okay. Well, I think we've made clear what my career goals are. I've really taken the time since my son has been born to focus on what's most important to me in life. Yeah.

That is minor roles in animated films and or voiceover tracks for advertising campaigns that pay residuals. And have nothing spooky happening in them. No. Yeah. I should also add this point. Henry O. Selleck. If you're out there listening, you're thinking you're going to add me to some spooktoberfest type situation. No, sir.

Not interested. You're a nice man. I liked it when you came on my show that one time. But I am not interested in being in one of your spooky fright fests. What did he do? What was wrong? He animated a lot of your, you know,'s it what's that called uh with the one that coralline oh sure yeah he's animated many he's like one of the legends of stop motion animation

please do some voices for him coralline's great my friend john para norman too he got to go to the oscars because of that oh man come on get over your spooky fear. How about this? Ach, Pera Norman. Children are behind the times. They still think that zombies and whatnot are cool. How about that? That's good. That's pretty good. I'll green light that.

What about a sophisticated English butler hen? That seems like the romantic interest, yes. Hello, sir. Would you care for a spot of tea or an egg that came out of my butt? All male hens. Sure. No, it's a female hen.

It just has a masculine voice. It sounds so male. Oh, okay, sure. Got it now. It just has a husky. It's like Geena Davis. People like rich husky voices on women. Female characters.

Yeah, yeah. Right. The vocal fry. Well. Yep. All vocal fry. It was great to do this. Nielsen lady, I really hope that you're going to be watching Sports Talkers on Fusion.

Sports Talkers, this is literally the craziest television show. It is so weird of a program that you've created. Literally the craziest television show. It is so weird of a program that you've created. It's like a call-in talk show, sports talk, round table type show on ESPN or something. Yeah. If that was run by crazy alternative comedy people. Right.

Well, that's exactly what it is. So I don't have to add anything more to that. That's exactly right. It is a very strange. I don't know what the crossover. I think only Nielsen can tell us what the crossover in the Venn diagram is between people that watch a mid-morning show on ESPN3. Don't have ratings, don't want them. That's a television version of a radio show. That's right.

And people who go to a lot of Upright Citizens Brigade shows. Haven't people been clamoring for this? It's basically just our one listener, Zach Linder. Zach Linder is in. He's sold. Everyone else, we'll see. Zach, let me know what you think. Yeah. Zach, drop Jeff an email.

Let him know. Zach Linder, by the way, recently starred in a Popular Improv Everywhere video. Oh. Yeah, our listener, Zach Linder. Good work, Zach Linder. Sure. Zach Linder right now is masturbating that we're talking about Zach Linder.

Well, he masturbates to the show anyways. Zach Linder's a real winner. I like Zach Linder. Okay. So, Fusion Television, when is it on television? Basically all the time because there's only four shows, right? Yes, exactly. You can catch it most of the time Monday through Thursday at 6 p.m. is when we have new shows.

I've also enjoyed watching some clips on the Internet. Can people watch clips on the Internet? Absolutely. Fusion dot net slash sports underscore talkers. Yeah. And I recommend also you can check out Paul F. Tompkins also has a show on Fusion dot net with the Brian Henson improv puppets. That's right.

No, you shut up. I believe it's called. Yeah. Well, it's not saying that. No, you shut up. Right. It's not called. No, you shut up.

No, that's correct. I didn't want to say it in a way. That's why I'm a voice my wife and children on paternity leave. He's been doing such a wonderful job. You vowed to not go back to the show until you get those bike classes. Yes. Jordan has been doing such a wonderful, wonderful job on Bullseye. Thank you. A great interview with the former lead singer of Bad Religion, who now is a... Guitar player.

Guitar player. Current guitar player. The current guitar player of Bad Religion, who is now an independent music mogul. Talking about punk rock music is very enjoyable. Sure. Wonderful outshot this week about Superman. A lot of great stuff. Jordan's been doing a lot of really solid work.

Great interview about The Room a week ago. Just real great work. Anybody out there, I will say, you know, says like,

oh, isn't it cute that Jordan's hosting the show? Isn't it sweet that Jordan's hosting the show and doing such a good job with a surprise? Yeah, maybe Jordan has been

a professional broadcaster for 10 years. Sure. He's a great, he's very talented. That's why he's here. You condescending pricks. That's how I feel. Look, Jordan's not in a position to say that. I'm going to say it on his behalf. Jordan is fucking talented. That's why he's a talented

professional. That's why he does a great job. Can I say it too? Please do. Jordan's really fucking talented. Thank you guys. Jordan's a talented guy he's a great host and i mean i think just in general etiquette some some just some etiquette yeah tips out there i feel like i i feel like a grown person yeah takes cute or adorable as condescending yeah unless you are just right about to fuck them like unless you are right about to fuck them, cute or adorable is a little condescending. Yeah. It's still condescending, it's just

they're about to fuck you. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, go for it, go for it. Let's get this done. Yeah, sure, okay. Look at it. Okay, yeah. My brain's not working. I don't know, whatever. Fine, fine, fine. I'll put on a little hat. I don't know. Cute. Cute.

Dude, your muscle hit me in the head. That wasn Fine. Fine. I'll put on a little hat. I don't know. Cute. Yeah. Dude, your muscle hit me in the head. That wasn't my muscle. We'll be back in just a second. No, wait. Next week. One week. Jennifer Marmer on the boards. Our producer, Sunny D.

Brian Fernandez. You can email us at jjgoatmaximumfun.org. Visit us on the internet. Review us on iTunes. Say something nice. on the internet. Review us on iTunes. Say something nice. Say fucking something nice to us on Facebook. Do it. Bring up a controversial topic on Facebook.

Oh, yeah. Post some fan art on Facebook. Do it all on Facebook. Online at Facebook.com. Search Jordan Jesse Go. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan to Scale.