Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 319: Scam Band with Brian Fernandes (aka Sunny D)

Episode Date: March 31, 2014

Sunny D, our producer, sits in with Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Brian's early days in LA, downtown Los Angeles, and Jordan's new job.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Beautiful day in Los Angeles, Jordan. Brisk? No it isn't. It's not brisk. Yeah?

What are you talking about brisk? Had a little walk today. I thought it was pretty brisk. It's toasty. Hmm. We need a tiebreaker on this one. Yeah, let's... Let's bring our guest on this. Yeah, and then he can say whether he thinks it's brisk or toasty.

This is the kind of thing... This is the kind of thing... That can tear apart a working relationship. This could rend us asunder. Yeah. The two of us have been working together now for 13 years. Yeah, I don't think it can withstand the weight... This could be......of this massive argument. been working together now for 13 years yeah i don't think it can withstand the weight this could

be this massive argument well look you and i and you and i have most of that 13 years we've been working together on this show and what's the premise of this show at the top of the program we tell people what the weather's like then some other things happen if then the show's over. On the basic premise of the program, it's like Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann are hosting SportsCenter together. And Dan Patrick wants to do it about sports and Keith Olbermann wants to do it about Bill O'Reilly. It's a fundamental disagreement in point of view. Yeah. Well, let's nail this down. Okay. Then we'll see if we can continue, although this might be the last episode of view. Yeah. Well, let's nail this down. Okay.

Then we'll see if we can continue, although this might be the last episode of the podcast ever. We'll just release this fragment. Our guest on the program this week, frankly, whose job depends on not just his performance on the show overall. But his answer to this question. Is our producer, Sonny D. Brian Fernandez. Hi Brian. Hey guys. How's it going pal?

Oh it's great. How does it feel to be behind a microphone instead of behind a mixing console? Honestly it feels fantastic. He's got a nice voice for it. I know that my intonation suggested that I was going to say instead of in front of a microphone but I realized that being behind a microphone

and in front of a microphone are sort of the same thing. Sure. So I switched to a mixing console, but it messed up the intonation in the beginning of my sentence. Anyway, everyone's on tinter hooks here, whatever the fuck that is. I'm not sure. Yeah.

It's a dating app for pirates. Brian, what do you think? Brisk or a little toasty? You know, this is a tough question. I mean, it's a question that philosophers have been asking for centuries. Sure. I think in the morning it was a little brisk. I think maybe now it's a little more toasty.

Yeah, I think that's fair. So I'm going to go right down the middle. Nothing has been solved. Can I suggest one other thing? And maybe this is just by way of compromise. Just in the spirit of compromise, if Ban Ki-moon were here right now, he would ask us to compromise. I think maybe it was a little toastier

in East Los Angeles than it was in West Hollywood where you live. Sure. Maybe getting a little bit of a residual ocean breeze. Yeah. Although you now live in Central Los Angeles, so maybe my theory is all destroyed. Oh, boy. You were being nice that I said you used to live in West Hollywood, now you live in Central L.A.

Yeah. I'm going to rip this weather report in half and give one to each of you. This whole thing is pretty fucked up. But the good news is you can go to that Dollar Movie Theater whenever you want. Oh, that Dollar Movie Theater closed down. Oh, yeah. There was a fire. The Dollar Movie Theater has been closed for a while.

Why do I even talk? Why do I even bother thinking about things and saying them out loud? I have a couple. I could go to CineFamily if I wanted to. That's walking distance. I could go to the new Bev if I wanted to. That's a $5 situation. Nice repertory movie theater.

So, you know, there's options. There's a jar store. There's a store that sells a lot of jars. Just like bulk items for restaurants. Yeah. Like if you need a lot of carafts. Sure. Like if you needed 30 carafts,

I would know just the place. Are you complaining about living near a restaurant supply store? Like that's one of the best stores you can live by. I mean, it does attract a certain element that I'm not nuts about. An elderly Chinese woman? Yes, exactly. I'm worried

that they have powers. Or a professional chef. I think those are the two groups of people. In some cases, they have powers. Or a professional chef. I think those are the two groups of people. In some cases, they're the same person. You know when I got to go to the restaurant supply store was when I was preparing for my wedding. Oh, what did you get in bulk there? Carafts. Okay, wow.

Yeah, I got a bunch of carafts. What ended up going in those carafts? Candy. Oh, cool. Okay, wow. Yeah, I got a bunch of carafts. What ended up going in those carafts? Candy. Oh, cool.

I, because even better than going to, and I really did enjoy going to the restaurant supply store. Even better than going to the restaurant supply store. And I went to one on the fringes of Los Angeles. I can't remember where. It was near this outlet mall here in Los Angeles called the Citadel. Oh, sure, the ancient Babylon themed outlet mall. I've sat in a lot of traffic outside the Citadel. Oh, sure. The ancient Babylon-themed outlet mall. I've sat in a lot of traffic outside the Citadel. Yeah, I've never been in.

I've never breached the walls. Yeah, no. But nearby, there's not only- The Hanging Gardens are lovely. Yes, that's true. Oh, I mean the Abercrombie & Fitch. Sorry, what did I say? Hanging Gardens?

Yeah. There's not only a restaurant supply store neighborhood near there. This is what's magical about Los Angeles. You know, in New York City, there's plenty of restaurant supply stores. But is there an entire city dedicated to restaurant supply stores? I was downtown not too long ago and stumbled upon the bong district. Yes. That is an absolute real block that just has, like, bulk bongs that you can buy for your head shop.

Absolutely. And then there's like a bin of porno movies in each one. In addition to the restaurant supply store where I went to buy, I bought scoops. I bought bins. I bought carafts. And I brought some tablecloths. I also got to go to the candy store, the wholesale candy store. Oh, wow.

Because the one thing, my wife said that I could be in charge of, my then fiance said that I could be in charge of the candy, which was a big success at my wedding. Brian, you weren't at my wedding, but I'm sure you remember this. Oh, we all still talk about the candies. Yeah. I've heard people talk about the candies. So I got to go, I got to pull my... When I get together with Jim and Gene and all the other dudes who were at your wedding,

we're like, man, remember those Whoppers? Yeah. I don't know if you had Whoppers. I've honestly forgotten all the candy. I did not have Whoppers. Okay. That would have been stupid. Yeah, you're right.

You don't like a malt-based candy? I quit. The show's been rent asunder. We're done. Over Whoppers and weather. Just barely tied it back together and you just destroyed it. By suggesting that you would have Whoppers at your wedding? I like Whoppers, actually.

You just need to take a strong position. If I had Whoppers, actually. You just need to take a strong position. If I had Whoppers- You understand what makes good radio. Here's the thing. If I had Whoppers, I wouldn't share them. Oh, okay. That was your main problem, suggesting that you would put out the Whoppers. Here's the thing.

When you go to the bulk candy store, it is just a warehouse full of candy. door it is just a warehouse full of candy and there are people fulfilling real warehouse type orders with forklifts and shit sure but there's also one woman who will just sell you the candy so you just get up like a roller palette and you just go through and pull cases of candy off the shelves yourself and you can buy as many as you want. And it's fucking the greatest. I'm always wondering if I went into this restaurant supply store that's near my house, could I just buy a teapot and a serving dish? Or do I need to buy 30 things? Oh, you could absolutely just buy it.

That's what's so great about restaurant supply stores. Restaurant supply stores are one of the only truly wholesale to the public businesses. Like you really can go into a restaurant supply store and buy a spoon or you can buy a thousand spoons. Wow, I'm going to do that. And it's great. Buying shopping wholesale as just a person is like the most fun thing you can do. I love going. At one point I went downtown Los Angeles.

Home of the scenic bong district. Yes. It's a pretty physically large part of Los Angeles. And it has, as you mentioned with the bong district, tons of three, four block areas that only sell one type of thing. And, you know, there's a toy district. There's a flower district. There's thing and you know there's a toy district there's a flower district there's a fashion district there's a fabric district um there's even a place where you can buy um store fixtures and i went to the store fixture district

to buy stuff to construct to because we we lived in an apartment that didn't have enough closets and it was so fucking fun. Going in there, you can buy a mannequin if you want a mannequin. You can just buy one. Anything that is in a store, you can just buy it and have it for yourself. In those various districts

there's also usually a pretty good taco cart situation going on. Oh, absolutely. You know what else there is? I'll tell you what else there is. Sometimes I'll go to the fabric district, because here in Los Angeles, there's a fabric shop called B Black and Sons. It's been there since the 1880s. It's one of the only men's fabric stores on the West Coast, and a really cool store. Outside of it one time, there were two people with stands, like card tables, you know, on the sidewalk. One of them was selling baby turtles in a little tiny, you know what I'm talking about, with like a little tiny palm tree? Sure.

Yeah, they're in a little plastic, like green, like a green or blue plastic bin. As though it was 1958. Like, huh? You're not supposed to be able to do that. This probably has a disease. Turtles are disease-ridden, right? I'm almost certain they are. Not to mention tiny plastic palm trees.

Where have those things been? Up a butt, probably. I have eaten a lot. I think they're safe. I've eaten a lot of tiny plastic coconuts out of tiny plastic palm trees. But you've not eaten the tree itself. Oh, that's a good point. Yeah.

But the fruit of the tree, I've consumed. Yeah. Well, I mean, the water is so good for hydrating. Yeah. And that's the good kind of trans fats, I think. Yeah. Let's ask Rihanna. So, number one, there was tiny turtles for sale number two

a guy playing a guy dealing three card monty what is that yeah that's real maybe that's just part of the general old time district yeah there's a guy selling, you know, tonics. Like, is there... Like, who sees a three-card Monty game... And thinks they can beat the system? And thinks they can beat it! Are you playing to win a turtle? No.

Are these separate... These are separate guys. There's cash money on the table. It's two different guys. Can you... But you can... You can take your Monty money and put it right into a turtle.

They prefer if you don't. They prefer you double down. Okay. Then how many turtles do you win? But they do accept bets in turtles. So if you put down three turtles, you could potentially win six turtles. Yeah, absolutely. If you're lucky, he might give you three to one. Then you got nine turtles.

Swap them all for a salamander at the end. But, I mean, do you understand what I'm saying? Three-card Monty is the... It's synonymous with scam. Yes. It is the apotheosis of scam. It's the definition of scam. It's the exemplar.

It's the shining city on scam hill. At that point, you're just paying to have a story that I got scammed. Yes! Yes, exactly! If you feel like you haven't been scammed in a while. Or maybe just people who are like, I'm so tired of all these digital scams

with Nigerian princes and dick pills. I want an analog, real scam with texture I want an analog real scam. It's a warmer scam. A texture, a warmer textured scam. Maybe that's it. It's just kind of a throwback.

It's a nostalgic kind of. I don't mean to characterize the people who were engaged in this activity or the artist himself. But I would say. It's good that you consider him an artist. I would say that they're probably people with less experience with the first world. But it makes me wonder if the third world has our leftover scams. Like, scams in the same way that you hear about, you know, bushels of old,

like 1992 NBA championship t-shirts going to Africa, if we're sending them our scams and flams from the 1930s and 40s. So do you think somewhere in a, you know, somewhere in a second world country,

you know, someone's building a fake casino just because no one's ever seen The Sting. Yes. Exactly. There's just old wooden carts that sell snake oil. Yeah.

I think that may be going on right now in, I don't know, Argentina. Second World Country? Argentina. Right? I don't know. Anyway, the point of this story is that there's almost no doubt in my mind that downtown Los Angeles is the best thing about Los Angeles, except for the people that live there who are mooks who live in lofts. Loft mook? All of the commercial parts of downtown Los Angeles are fucking amazing. From the polyester fabric vendors to the tiny turtles to, frankly, the three-card money guy.

Yeah. Why not? Way to go, three-card money guy. Yeah, nice work. You're honing a skill? Mm-hmm. He's a craftsman? Sure.

He's artisanal. Yeah. Artisanal three-card money. I think we... It's a small batch scam. If we had a three-card money truck, we could take it up to Portland. Oh, yeah. Sure.

I love it there. Those guys haven't heard any- Park it outside the ground control. Those guys don't know anything about- Voodoo donuts. Scams. They're too busy. They've never heard about any of these scams.

They've been listening to Blitzen Trapper. Sure. To be fair, they do have a lot of songs about scams. That's true. Sure. They're a scam band. Maybe. Scam band. Scam Maybe. Scam band.

Scam core. Scam core. Yeah. I've been getting pretty into scam bands. Big fans. I go to the festivals. My friend follows Blitzen Trapper around on tour, and I went to a couple shows. I had a really good time.

There's sort of a party vibe. I lost my life savings. Money's changing hands. You pay for a t-shirt, they tell you they'll send it, they'll send it, and then they never send it. Do you think our friend Phil Elverum from Mount Erie, do you think he's a scam band artist? Well, Wadlord.

What do you think Wadlord is? Wadlord's basically a scam, right? Yeah. Oh, we're having fun, guys. Sure. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la Hey guys, this is Kimberly Clark. And you need to just calm your little self down and get under the goose down with me and Jasper Redd. You can catch us on MaximumFun.org or you can hear us on iTunes. And no farting under the covers either. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, Sunny day. I'm so happy to be in the booth. It's nice and hot in here. It's great. Yeah, it's warm. It's a nice combination of entertainment and schvitz.

Mm-hmm. Sort of a sauna type situation. Sauna. Sauna? Sauna. It's a sound attainment. Yeah. You know, Brian, I don't know if you, do you remember when Brian was our intern, Jordan?

I don't really. Brian was our intern when- I'll be perfectly honest with you, Jordan? I don't really. Brian was our intern when... I'll be perfectly honest with you, Jesse. I don't remember that. That was when we were still in Koreatown, right? Yeah, that was down... I used to ride my bike down to where your house was. In fact, that's how I decided to start interning was I was listening to the shows and I thought,

oh, this is close. I could ride my bike there. Brian applied for the internship and that term, we get a lot more applications during the summer than we do during the fall and spring. It was either the fall or the spring. I don't remember. And spring. Thank you, Brian. Sorry, I got a little bit of the hiccups there from the Sprite I'm drinking.

So Brian Fernandez. You're drinking Sprite right nowcups there from the Sprite I'm drinking. So Brian Fernandez... You're drinking Sprite right now? Yeah. Drinking Sprite in booth? Yeah. It's in booth Sprite. IBS. Are you just drinking a glass of diarrhea?

Okay. So Brian Fernandez was one of a couple of applicants, and the other applicants— Hold on, real quick. Does it seem like people don't really talk about Sprite that much anymore? Yeah, well, since Grant Hill retired. Yeah, I feel like the Sprite commercials always were such trend-setting commercials. But can you name a Sprite? What's a modern Sprite commercial?

I think the story is—if you want to know a sincere answer to this, and I'm sure that's why you asked. Yeah, kind of. Is it long? I think it's because Sprite invented the idea of connecting a product to hip hop culture. Sure. And that idea is no longer a fresh idea. So they just don't know what to do. Right. So what happens is a lot of times, like somebody involved in Sprite or whatever will say to someone they know,

Ayo, what's that in your hand? And then the person will fail to say an S to the P-R-I-T-E can. What Sprite should do to keep it fresh is have like a spokesperson, like a hyper-masculine spokesperson doing a commercial that's one long take, and he just does a bunch of crazy stuff. That's good. You know what? That's a really creative way.

And it's just super random. It's super random. It's just really random. It's just like, what? You're like, what? How random? He's talking right at camera. Yeah.

And then at the end, a Sprite logo. That sounds fun. This is a good idea. It's super random. This is great. So random. Brian Fernandez was one of only a couple of applicants, and I remember that we did not like the other applicants.

And we did like Brian. But honestly, we were concerned about Brian. Because we were concerned that he was, honestly, we were concerned he was a doofus. What about Brian? What about a young Brian Fernandez said doofus? Well, I mean, he was nervous in his interview. Yeah. And he's a little doofy just in day-to-day life.

Uh-huh. I mean, now, let's be clear. Brian's a handsome man. Sure. He's a bright man. Yeah. He's a genial man. Sure.

But all of those things- A talented guy. A talented guy. Plus nervousness and a broad smile and an easy laugh could be mistaken for doofiness. So Teresa and I talked this over. And we said, this guy seems like a really nice guy. But what if he's a total doofus? What was the, I mean, hiring a doofus?

I mean, I guess I can think of a couple of things. But did you have any specific concerns, R.E., having a doofus in the office? Yeah, that he would doof something up. Like you would ask him to carry, you know, a wedding cake. Yes! Up a couple flights of stairs. That's exactly what I'm talking about. I don't know if I could pull that off. Right. To this day. Yeah, exactly.

Or you would have him, you know, like cater one of the fancy parties that you guys were always throwing, and he might, you know, accidentally insult an old woman with opera glasses. I'm thinking of a stooge. Sure. Drop a piano on myself. Similar concerns,

only involving vital pieces of our business. Sure. So we had this meeting with Brian, and this is what we said in the meeting, and we're just like, well, we're just going to have to have a real meeting with Brian about this. And so we just sat down with him and we just, we literally had a meeting where we said,

Brian, we want to hire you, but you can't be a fuck up. So if you're a fuck up or a doof, tell us now, tell us now so that we don't both have to go through that. That's about what we said. That's about right.

Yeah. That's asking a lot of self-awareness from a potential fuck up. Yeah, I know. But we thought if he's going to be a fuck up, we'll be able to see it in his eyes. Yeah. I think he was still a little corn pone. Sure. Probably.

Mildly corn pone. I was in my little corn pone. Probably. Mildly corn pone. I was in my Santa Cruz phase. I was in Santa Cruz, and so I was still in a college vibe, mindset. I had a chill vibe. Not even Santa Cruz. The hills outside Santa Cruz. What was it? Felton?

Yeah. Scotts Valley. Yep. Yep. Like suburbs of Santa Cruz. Mountainlands where weird mountain people live. Oh, man. Felton is quite a place.

Is that where you would go to get off the grid if you needed to? Yeah. That's about where you'd go. If one needed to get off the grid. You'd go into Felton or Ben Lomond or something like that. Yeah. Places that are only accessible by Santa Cruz Metro bus. That's the only way to get there.

The roads are impassable except by city bus. Santa Claus Lane is right around there. Like a two-hour city bus ride. But it also had rich people who would commute over into San Jose. All the rich Silicon Valley people would live there because it was up the hill, you know, outside of Santa Cruz. Away from all that riffraff, that Santa Cruz riffraff. Yep, that Santa Cruz riffraff.

My sister also went to school there and she nannied for the kicker for the Niners who lived in Scotts Valley. That's great. Yeah. So Brian was a wonderful intern. He totally delivered. Brian said, I get it. Because the thing was, at the time, it was just me and Teresa. And it was mostly just me.

And so if somebody was a fuck-up, it really fucked things up. Brian, what were you doing for a job at this point? Were you PA-ing or anything like that? Or were you barista-ing? I had just moved here. So I was graphic design. I was just doing graphic design. Okay.

So I was just doing that freelance. So I had time. That's the thing. I had time in the day. And I thought, well, before I got into the PA world and all that stuff. And you were like riding your bike to our office in Koreatown from Hollywood or something. Yeah. Yeah.

So I was riding my bike down. Uh, and, uh, of which one day I fell, I couldn't come in. This proved the doof. Actually,

I fell. Do the doof. That's what I, the exception that proves the doof. Yeah. Uh, I, I,

I couldn't come in because I fell and hit my head real hard. I remember calling and like Teresa being like, no, no, no, don't come in. It'll be fine. It's going to be okay. You know, and I was like, I just, I think I might have a concussion. You called and you said, hello, this is, I think, President Jimmy Carter. Anyway, I just called to say me love you long time. Anyway.

Yeah. Bye-bye. I was riding my bike, but the story behind that bike, right before I got that job, I did this crazy thing where I didn't have a car. And so I got a big graphic design job, and I had to go fax something to FedEx. We should explain. This is like 1991. Yeah, it's 1991, 92, you know, right by a three-card money table.

Right. So I had to go fax something at the FedEx Kinko's and I borrowed my friend's van. He had this big Chevy Astro van with the seats taken out of because he was moving stuff and I went down to the corner to get into it. And there's this guy at this apartment building sitting in kind of like a back alley.

And he had all these chairs stacked up. He's like, hey, man, hey. He comes up to me, his long hair and like a wife beater with like flame tattoos coming up his arm. And he's like, hey, man, my ride, my ride left me. I got I got this these chairs and I just need a ride. Is there anything you could do? I mean, please help me. And I was like, oh, well, the odds that this guy's going to, you know, take my like hold me up and take my friend's van are pretty high. I can't do this. So I was like, sorry, man, I can't do it do it and he's like well i i'll give you like i'll give you like 30 bucks and uh this shows how how poor i was at the time i was like man i could really use that money so i tell him you said

look i can't let you use the van but i'll suck your death i'll just give you that 30 for that uh so how can i get that 30 How can I get those three bills? So I end up giving him a ride. I end up helping him out. I went and did my – I told him, if you're still here when I get back after my errand, I'll help you out. So he was still there, of course, because no one in their right mind is going to give this guy a ride except me. And so he starts loading things in the van, and he's like, oh, my gosh, there's a lot of room in here. Hold on. I'll be right back.

And while I'm loading the chairs into the van, he goes down the street and down in a driveway and starts pulling other stuff out. He pulls out a shelf. That would be funny if he said, like, oh, man, there's a lot of room in here. Hold on. And then he put in a ski mask, took out a gun, and then ran into a bank. I'm going to load this with money. Yeah. And so he just.

Do you have room for sacks with dollar signs on them? Coins coming out of them, a Scrooge McDuck situation. Sure, sure. At any point did it seem weird to you that he was wearing a pair of nylon pantyhose over his head? No, you know, I didn't. That never occurred to me. I just, you know, that never occurred to me. I just, you know, I was like, I thought it was the latest high fashion trend

that you didn't know about. It's 1992, it's cutting edge, I don't know. I mean, you were still wearing Armani power suits. Yeah, sure, right? So he goes and he pulls out the, it's like a shelf and a table to go with the chairs, I assume, and he puts all, we're packing this stuff into the van. And then he brings a bike out and he puts the bike in and we're putting all this stuff.

And we load the van to the hill. Like we can't put any more in there. Close it up. And we start driving. I start asking him questions. So like, what do you do? You know, what's going on? And he's like, oh, I'm a, I'm a, basically, I didn't know it at the time.

I didn't know what a picker was at the time, but he's basically a picker. He goes to these like estate sales and things and he buys antiques and takes them to his boss, Joe. But I realized – Oh, yeah. I know Joe. He's a good guy. Yeah, Joe. Yeah, Joe.

Yeah, good guy. Fat Joe? Yeah, sure. Yeah, Fat Joe. Good old Fat Joe. He is so fat. Yeah. He's gotten really fat.

Yeah. Not to be confused with Cotton Eye Joe. Sure. That's right. They – Proposition Joe. Yeah. Or Pro – really fat. Not to be confused with Cotton Eye Joe. Sure. Proposition Joe. Or Prop Joe. Speaking of fat Joes. Yeah, he is a fat Joe.

I mean, Prop Joe's very fat, but he's different from Fat Joe. Yeah, that guy is. That guy's fat. You would think that Fat Joe, given that Proposition Joe is so fat, and his name is Proposition Joe, you would think that Fat Joe would be one of those ironically named Fat Joes. Sure. He's actually really skinny. He's actually another. It's just that all Joes

are fat. That's the rule. Are you a Fat Joe? Give us a call. We want to hear from Fat Joes. So I start realizing that he didn't like basically he had gone into this house that the house next door to me is broken there's an old lady in it she got taken to the hospital it

had been empty sat empty for you know two years and uh and so he he basically was like my friend told me they're gonna demolish it so i want to get in there and get some stuff before they took it down. And so I realized that everything in the car is stolen. And I didn't realize. I didn't understand. So how close are you to the destination at this point? I don't know because he just tells me keep driving. Right.

Keep driving. I didn't know where we were going. Wow. He was just giving me directions. And the whole time. So I flashed back to my friend like i had just moved in and he's like okay so one of our neighbors said that there's been some people prowling around the house next door uh so we're gonna lock up the the the grill we're gonna lock this stuff up because we don't know if they're gonna you know come over to our house next or whatever and uh and so i and i was

really scared this is my first time living in a big city. I was living in the hills of Santa Cruz. You're a cornpone. Sure. I mean, the toughest customer you have to deal with is a wayward deer. Right. Exactly. So I realized that this was the guy I was scared of.

Like, I ended up giving him- This is like a classic, like, Rube's first time in the big city kind of thing. Yeah, exactly. I was Gomer Pyle in Mount Pyle. So what did you... So at any point, did you think about, like, kicking this guy out

or just driving, like, right to the police station? I start thinking, like, what do I do? Can I, like, should I kick him out? He's like a scary guy with flame tattoos. And like, I don't know. I don't know what he could do. 5'2", 115. He's no Fat Joe, but he's, but so the whole time he's playing a little flute.

I mean, this is a scary dude. This guy's terrifying. Playing hot cross buns on his recorder. This is a real tough customer. He's got on a velvet suit. A green little velvet hat with a red feather. He's got on a bib that says, Mommy's Widdle Man. This is a real tough guy.

He doesn't have any hands. He falls asleep randomly. hands he falls asleep randomly oh so he i i was i was trying to figure it's the whole time he's on the phone with joe saying things like no i found a guy he's helping me no joe yeah i think it'd be easy to kill sure sure i can strangle him no it's fine joe joe would hang up on him and he'd be easy to kill. Sure. Sure, I can strangle him. No, it's fine. Joe would hang up on him and he'd be like, dang it. He never thinks I can do a good job. And so. Wow.

Sounds like he's, sounds like maybe Joe, Fat Joe. Fat Joe. Is this guy's like stand in for his absentee father. Right. Exactly. Like he's projecting some feelings onto him. Oh yeah, all he wants is Joe's approval. Yeah, sure. And he's using me to get it.

So I couldn't very well pull over and tell him to get out. Yeah, you're like, not only is this maybe a dangerous guy, but also like, you know, he's dealing with some big issues right now. Sure. You can't fuck this guy's whole freaking life up. Right. Exactly. He's going to be in therapy for centuries.

Right. And he really liked me. That's the thing. Yeah. He was like, you're really helping me out, man. I really appreciate it. I'm going to try to get you more money. I think Joe might be able to give you more money, you know? And he, and, and so. Were you like excited about that or are you just like, I just like, I just want to not get killed. Yeah, that's mostly at a certain point it went from like.

You're like, maybe I could get $40. It went from like, well, I guess I get some money to just I hope I can get out of this alive. At what point did you start contemplating a life of crime? Oh, about halfway through. Right. Yeah, sure. I mean, the first half you're thinking, I don't want to die. The second half you're thinking, I'm going to get rich. Yeah, sure.

Oh, I got criminals are Italian. I mean, and I know what it's like kind of growing up Oh, all criminals are Italian, by the way. I mean, and I know what it's like kind of growing up in, you know, I mean, I'm sure growing up in, you know, that kind of central part of Northern California. I mean, you can like, you know, you see those wise guys and they run the town and they're big shots. You don't mess with those guys. Everyone respects them. Yeah, sure. It's like they're going to do right by you and your family if you treat them right. Oh, yeah.

We all know about the Aptos Mafia. I mean, Brian spent his childhood years in rural Pennsylvania, so he knows a little something. Let's say, for example, just by way of example, if he crossed a shaker. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Like if he had too much decoration on a piece of furniture. Sure. Trouble. Oh, yeah. Let's say he crossed a Quaker. You know what I mean? Like if he had too much decoration on a piece of furniture. Trouble. Let's say he crossed a Quaker.

Didn't show up at the barn raising. Oh, that's trouble. Let's say that he said something bad about Scrapple. You know what to do about a shaker. You know what to do about a Quaker. You know what to do about a midnight toker. I'm a shaker. I about a Quaker. You know what to do about a midnight toker. I'm a shaker. I'm a Quaker.

Anyway. At one point, he's telling me about the house, and he's like, you should go in there. There's stuff you could use. There's like brawny paper towels in there. Brawny paper towels. Just get in there. Yeah. And so all I wanted to do was get in there.

And those cost like a buck a roll. Yeah, that's like a buck, buck and a half. Two bucks? Depending on where in there. Yeah, and so... And those cost, I mean, those cost like a buck a roll. Yeah, that's like a buck, buck and a half. Two bucks? Depending on where you go, yeah. Oh, it depends on if they're quilted. Oh, sure, yeah, yeah. Wait, is there such a thing as a quilted paper towel? I think so, yeah. It's like more absorbent. Yeah. Yeah. Or the kind with the extra perforations so you can...

Yeah, so you can use them more efficiently. Yeah, exactly. Sure. So I finally... Select-a-size? Yeah, that's can use them more efficiently. Yeah, exactly. Sure. So I finally... Select-a-size? Yeah. I finally... We get to Joe, and Joe... The kind that has a dinosaur die cut into it?

Oh, wait. I'm thinking of Fruit Roll-Ups. Do you have any Fruit Roll-Ups? No. I should have asked them. If there were Fruit Roll-Ups in the house, I might have gotten anything to get those. That's enough to get anybody into a life of crime. Oh, yeah. Sure. I should have asked them if there were fruit roll-ups in the house. I might have gotten anything to get those. That's enough to get anybody into a life of crime.

Oh, yeah, sure. I would have done that. Limited access to fruit roll-ups. Oh, sure. That's why I feel like prostitution enforcement, like vice enforcement, should focus on johns instead of prostitutes. Because the prostitutes probably just, at some point, they got offered fruit roll-ups. There's no resisting that. You know, it's a tough life.

You know, what are they going to do? It's hard to get off the junk. Yeah. That's what I call fruit roll-ups. The junk. resisting that. You know, it's a tough life. You know, what are they going to do? It's hard to get off the junk. Yeah. That's what I call fruit roll-ups. The junk. Yeah. The junk food. So we get to Joe, and Joe is a quiet Asian man and very stern.

And we just unloaded the stuff onto the yard. And he's like, okay, Joe did not give me any more money. I got stuck with the 30. But you got the 30. But you got the 30. But I got the 30, and we're unloading stuff. And I ask, oh, at one point, this guy, he was a drummer. Surprise, surprise. He was a drummer.

And he's like, you should look me up. Look me up. I'm on MySpace. Pro Drummer 69. Oh. Of course, Pro Drummer 69. Pro Drummer 69. I looked him him up his top eight was all porn stars yeah so I mean do you keep tabs on him I mean I know my space isn't around anymore but if you shoot him an email from time to time what's up pro drummer 69 still living the dream yep but now you're still

picking now you're urbane. You're positively urbane. Sure. Yeah. He wouldn't even recognize me. Yeah. I mean, you got sharp outfits. A Volvo. Yeah, sure.

Come a long way. Wait, Brian's got a Volvo? Yeah, Brian's driving a Volvo. Brian picked me up today. What are we looking at, a wagon or a coupe? S40. Actually, it's Lauren's car. That's my girlfriend. It's her car. Hey, it's Lauren's car. That's my girlfriend.

It's her car. Hey, he's got a girlfriend, though. Pretty good. A wagon, sedan. That's the Volvo of sex partners. Yep. A wagon, a sedan. It's a sedan.

It's a sedan. That's very nice. So a nice four-door. Oh, yeah. It's a nice four-door sedan. Leather? Yeah, I think. What do you think?

I don't know. I just want to know about the girlfriend. Leather? Yeah. Yes. Is she made of leather? Pleather? Pleather.

You know, Lauren's girlfriend's not a bad second baseman either. Yeah, she's a good second baseman. Real solid second baseman. She was on the Rockets. Yeah, so look, when you're talking about Brian's girlfriend, number one, you're talking leather. Number two, you're talking leather. Yeah. Uh-huh.

Yeah. The glove leather yeah the jose lean kind of leather yeah you got it oh yeah chico stuff that chico she's got that chico yeah got that chico did you you just met her in hollywood right around that time she was just on the street corner going i got that chico yep yep and i was like you mean jose lean right from the 1992 pittsburgh pirates she's like yep not to be confused with J. Bell or Sid Bream. Yeah. It was really fun for me.

If it was up to me, I would just be like Stan Belinda. Sorry, Jordan. Yeah, I know. Sorry, Jordan. I really worked hard to get those in there. That's okay. I get it. I get it. I got this one shot. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Barbara Gray.

I'm Brandi Posey. And I'm Tess Parker. And we're Lady to Lady. Each week we talk about our crazy days, our crazy dates, and how perfectly normal and acceptable members of society each one of us is. Whoa, you think we're normal? No.

That's right, we lied to you. Listen to the podcast to find out the truth. Yeah, that's right. Each week we pull up a fourth chair and welcome a fourth lady to the table to be funny with us and hang out. You can check us out on MaximumFun.org or iTunes. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Yep. How did it all work out? Okay. We mentioned that you're no longer seeing him romantically. Sure.

Prodromer 69 and I broke up. But you guys still play together in Alien Ant Farm, right? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. We do that cover of a Michael Jackson song. Sure. I'm sort of glad you broke up with him. It was for the best.

I always thought it was weird that he didn't do oral. Yeah, it was weird. He's what we call a pillow princess. Yeah. weird that he didn't do oral. Yeah, it was weird. He's what we call a pillow princess. So we get to the place, we unload all the stuff, and I'm unloading the bike. And I just couldn't quite place the bike because it didn't seem like it came from that house.

Right. And so I ask him, is this your bike? Like, is this what you rode to get to the house? And he's like, oh, he mistook that for me complimenting him on the bike. And he said, oh, did you? Do you like that bike? I'll tell you what, you can have that bike. Wow.

And in my head, I was like, this is probably a stolen bike. I did the same math that I did at the beginning for the $30. And I thought, but I really need this bike. So I took it. really need this bike. So I took it. I got to tell you, like, when I lived in Koreatown, never before have, I would say, I would estimate that the ratio was three to one, where one was bicycles with their original paint jobs, and three was obviously stolen bicycles that had been spray painted gold.

Where, like, every part of the bike has been spray painted gold. See, this was an original paint job bike. It wasn't clearly stolen, but it probably was. What are we looking at, a Huffy? Yeah, it was like a Huffy. It was a Huffy. Yeah, sure. I wrote it to the intern.

I'm a bike psychic, by the way. I took it. A bike psychic? Okay. I took it, and I wrote it around Hollywood for six months, and then one day towards the end of the internship, I came out of your apartment, and it was gone, stolen off the street, and I thought the cycle will continue.

Ashes to ashes. Sure. That's it. I couldn't even be mad. It just served me well. Yeah, hard to – yeah, yeah. It served me well for what I needed it for. And there's some – and then somewhere there's some sweet kid from Northern California riding around in a van,

probably still with Pro Drummer 69, saying, hey, grab my bike for me. You got a van? And this kid's got big dreams. Yep. Yep. That's how everyone starts, right? I don't want to let this episode get away from us without talking briefly about the Max Fund Drive. Sure.

First of all, I want to thank everyone who became a donor, increased their donor in the Max Fund Drive, as well as all of our continuing donors. Our original goal was 1,500 new and increasing donors. We ended up at over 2,500. 2,560, I think, was the last count that I heard. And it was absolutely amazing. We had such a great time on Jordan Jesse Go. Tons of fun. Live on our live streaming episode, Gillian Jacobs showed up and came in,

surprised celebrity guest, a neighbor of ours here in Koreatown. And it was just really amazing. And it's really a pleasure and an honor to work for everybody that donates. If you don't donate, you know, suck a lemon. It's too late now. Unless you're on. So suck a lemon. It's never too late to suck a lemon.

Oh, OK. Lemons are plentiful. Oh, yeah, sure. And we had this brainstorm after we hit 1500. We said, well, sure. And we had this brainstorm. After we hit 1,500, we said, well, we were just about to hit 2,000. We were like, holy crap, we're going to hit 2,000. So we said 10 meals for needy families for every donor over 2,000. We ended up with almost 6,000 meals for needy families.

That's pretty great. That's awesome. Well, I mean, it's great for the needy families. It's just good for me. Not so good for you. I'm paying for it. And speaking of me. You get a good feeling, whatever.

Yeah, sure. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Speaking of me, I foolishly, assuming that we would not make it to 2,500, said that if we did make it to 2,500, I would jump in MacArthur Park Lake, which Jordan Jesse go listeners know MacArthur Park. Well, I love MacArthur Park is not a clean park. I wouldn't characterize it at all as a clean park. I would call it a soiled park.

Sure. A deeply soiled. Oh, it's a gross park. Yeah. And especially the lake side. The other side, they've done a lot of hard work to clean it up. They put in some nice artificial... AstroTurf soccer fields that are well used.

But in a sort of old man gambling area. Yeah. Which is nice. OMG. Play a nice game of backgammon there. Yeah. But... Look like an extra from Breaking Bad. Sure. play a nice game of backgammon there yeah but we at the very end of our show

we actually hit the goal it was crazy like we were planning on doing a 90 minute show around minute 85 we broke through I was I had gone backstage in case we had to do it to change into my swim trunks.

I changed in this very booth. I came out of the booth. Lindsay was over here backstage, and I said to her, you know, I'm ready to do it if we need to. And she pressed refresh, and it was 25.01. She handed me a shot of Malort for you, Jordan. Sure, sure. She said, you want to do the honors? You were doing Malort every 10 donors. Yeah, in hindsight was a mistake not that fun and uh i i

went and dove into that fucking lake how do you feel post post post lake yeah my stomach's upset uh i'm not sure if it's because i have giardia or if it's because I ate just a shit ton of enchiladas for lunch. Just a volume of enchiladas that is truly sickening. Now, did you find the enchiladas in the lake? Yes, I did. Were they lake enchiladas? They were lake enchiladas. Yeah.

They're made of carp. Oh. Ooh. That's nice. A little bit of gun in there. Yeah, sure. But, yeah. You drizzled the gun on top.

It was easily the grossest thing I've ever done. I really didn't want... Did it smell weird? Yes. When it came time to do it, I did not want to do it. I was trying to think of ways to not do it, and then trying to think of ways to convince myself not to try and think of ways to not do it.

And what I decided on, I was wearing swim shoes, which there's not going to be a lot of other contexts where you're going to get to see Jesse in swim shoes. But I was wearing swim shoes and goggles and earplugs and a nose plug. And I just said, I'm not going to think about it until I'm in the water. And then I'm going to get out. So I just said, fuck it, let's go. Brought everybody downstairs.

That's what you got to do. Went down the boat ramp, same place where the fish truck goes. Yeah. Almost fell on my ass a couple of times going down the boat ramp, which was very, very slippery.

And then just jumped the fuck in. It was foul. You can watch the video online. Brian was on the camera. Yep. Yep. I was behind the camera there. Sorry for all the shaking.

It's very tough to walk and keep that steady. That's why the Steadicam operators get paid so well. It's true. Those guys get the big bucks. What a fucking nightmare. It was so foul. It still smelled. I went to the bathroom earlier, and the shoes are still in there.

You could smell it. Yeah. So, yeah, it was cold. It was gross. I might have cryptosporidia. But you know what? It was all worth it. We raised a bunch of money for all of our awesome creators in MaximumFun.org.

They're all getting paid. That's awesome. So we're very happy and proud about it. And you got a job, Jordan. I did. Oh, yeah. I got a new job. Last week was my first week as a writer for the At Midnight television program.

Yeah. That is at midnight on Comedy Central. It's a great show hosted by our friend Chris Hardwick. Yes, it is. It is a really, really funny show. Yeah, and it's great. When I got the job... Let's be clear.

You would have taken a job on a not funny show. Sure. I would have taken a job on The Chew, which is the food-based daytime talk show. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But, yeah, I mean, I was like a fan of the show going into it and liked it and, you know, was kind of happy when they asked me if I would be interested in applying.

Yeah, no, and it's been really fun so far. I definitely, leading up to our live show, I think the Malort hit me extra hard because I had not been drinking for a month. It was about the kind of application process, you know, was really long. I had to do a lot of interviews. I had to, like, do a lot of supplemental writing. And so I was just stone sober going to bed at 10 every night and just, like, really, really, really making a go of getting this job. to bed at 10 every night and just like really really really making a go of getting this job when alex black was on the show he i think he mentioned the fact that there's that this was a show that originally was two different shows that were synthesized into one show and because of that

there's like 10 executive producers and you had to do an interview with with every you know yeah it was like a lot of different sets of guys yeah there's a lot of a lot of people to like impress so yeah i definitely was uh coming coming off work coming off work and doing six shots of Malort on an empty stomach. Oh, my. With my tolerance reduced. So, yeah, if you watch that video, I'm quite a boob, I'm sure. You did great. No one would have guessed.

It was fun. Well. Might not have been fun to do, but it was fun to watch. No, yeah, Malort's gross. Yeah, never have I had such a not fun time drinking a lot. Yeah. Something that is usually pleasurable. I feel a little bit like Donald Duck's nephews.

I feel like I've been made to smoke a whole box of cigars that were just for Donald's birthday. Oh, boy. I bet he feels bad after that. I feel like this is such an exciting opportunity for you. You're so well-earned and such a great situation. And it's a really funny show that's really well-suited to your talent. Yeah. You know, it's interesting.

I'm just over the fucking moon about it. I was thinking about this conversation I was having with my buddy Jack. My buddy Jack Allison is a writer for Funny or Die. And he's a hilarious guy. He's a great sketch writer. Yeah. And, you know, makes a lot of great stuff for Funny or Die. But Funny or Die, being an internet company, when you work there as a writer, you don't just write to you, you know, you he does the casting, and he does location scouting, and he'll have to like, deal with advertisers when advertisers are doing like branded stuff.

And you just wear a lot of hats. I mean, that's that's Internet companies. They're all, you know, kind of operating on these kind of small budgets. And so, you know, you do a ton of stuff. And I was kind of like talking to him about that. And I was like, oh, like, you know, does that ever get annoying? Like, do you you know, are you hoping that you can kind of transition away from, you know, Funny or Die to doing a more proper TV job? And he's like, well, honestly, I kind of like it. I mean, I like kind of getting my hands in all these different things. And I think if, you know, if you're just a writer on a TV show, I mean, it's just like, you know, you're just locked in a little office with a bunch of other guys and it's like you're in a joke dungeon and when he said that i was like yeah joke dungeon like nothing sounded more appealing to me that you just like i got as excited about joke dungeon as as if i was into bdsm and someone

suggested sex dungeon yeah like it really like solidified in my mind that that is something that i want to do like i want to be in a joke dungeon. And that is basically what this job is. I mean, you know, the show is just a collection of, you know, one liners. There's a couple of longer things. There's a couple of like, you know, there's some sketchy type elements to it sometimes. And there's some kind of longer pieces of writing. But it's mainly just like short jokes. And often it's like because of of the Twitter-based premise for people

who haven't seen it, a lot of times it's sort of a category, and then they just run down a bunch of jokes in that category, which really is like Joke Dungeon, because you have it's essentially, what are 12 jokes on this premise? And I should mention the dungeon is well-lit, there's

a lot of great snacks, there's a lot of great people in the dungeon with me, we got a Tess Rafferty, we got a Matt Myra, Blanca Patch, it's got a really, really great lit there's a lot of great snacks there's a lot of great people in the dungeon with me we got a test rafferty we got a matt myra blank a patch it's got a really really great it's a great group of people and they're all you know it's a bunch of people who are good at their job and you know the show's a hit so nobody's sweating it and nobody's stressing and that's so nice it's so nice to like you guys get lunch every day uh we get lunch two two days a week we get lunch there's a weird union thing that is preventing us from getting free lunch the other three days. Maybe I'll start complaining about that

in a year, but I'm just so happy to be there. I'm fine to get my own lunch those other three days. I think you take this to Hardwick. Yeah, you're right. I've been there a week. I can start being an asshole about something now, right? I can start swinging my dick around. Sure. And I think lunch is the place to focus on.

Oh, yeah. That's the battle you want to fight. Yeah. I am not writing another fucking hashtag joke. Until I get a Chinese chicken salad. All free lunches are Chinese chicken salad. Yeah, most free lunches are Chinese chicken salad. Yep.

Mendocino Farms. Yeah. They do a nice job with their Chinese chicken salad. They do. It's a good one. Anyway. Yeah. At midnight.

You should watch it. It's on Comedy Central. Yeah. And the really nice thing, Jordan, you're obliged to say this. Sure. I am not. When it first came on TV, I sent an email to Chris and Alex and Tom Lennon, all of whom I know a little bit, to varying degrees, all of whom i i know a little bit you know and

very to varying degrees all of whom are executive producers on the show it's just a really funny show like it's a show that uh you know when i heard the presentation i thought huh well we'll see um you know like i i think chris is really funny and talented and a great television host but that's no guarantee you know what i mean and i watched it and i thought wow this is really funny and talented and a great television host, but that's no guarantee. You know what I mean? Sure. And I watched it and I thought, wow, this is absolutely like, they just do a great job of this. Yeah.

No wonder it's a big hit. It's because it's so funny. They nailed it. Yeah. They nailed it. So, um, yeah,

if you're not watching it, watch it, enjoy it. It's a blast. I have some other good news. Okay. I feel like while we're dropping good news, yeah,

drop it. Fucking good news parade as a thank you for, as a thank you for all these people who donated, we're headed to the Pacific Northwest. Hey. Yeah, we're doing shows Friday, April 25th in Portland, Oregon, and Saturday, April 26th in Seattle, Washington. And that Monday, I will be speaking at Simon Fraser University in Vancouver, British Columbia. And let's just say that while there may be some... Jordan, you might have to go back to work. We'll see. We'll see about that. Sure. Working it out. Yeah. We will be appearing at all of those shows with special podcasting guests. And let's say you thought about what podcasters we knew and were friends with.

And let's say you thought about which of those you knew lived in the Pacific Northwest. Let's say Vancouver. Yep. Let's say they were named Graham and Dave. So, yeah, Graham and Dave will be on all three of those shows as well. We'll get ticket links up and all that stuff

soon but in the meantime mark your calendar for that weekend it's going to be great Friday April 25th in Portland Saturday April 26th

in Seattle and Monday April 28th at Simon Fraser University in Vancouver British Columbia and if you live in any of those places and you don't come, you can go suck a lemon.

Yeah, you've got problems. You've got huge problems. I am abandoning my tiny baby to go do these shows for you. And Jordan. I'm leaving work a little early one day. Which may have been the free lunch day. Yeah. I could be missing maybe a Chinese chicken salad,

maybe a Cobb salad. Yep. Maybe a wrap of some kind. Dave and Graham are crossing international borders. You know, Dave's, at any moment, Dave could die and leave Abby a single mother. Sure. They have a baby on the way. Yeah.

Graham's life is also important. Yep. Less so. Yeah, but he'll deprive the world of beard paintings That's a good point He does a lot of charity work He does a lot of charity work Anyway we'll be back with momentous occasions

In just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love? Ryan, I don't know if we mentioned this to you, but we're going to go ahead and do your employee review right now. Oh. Okay. Odor. Yeah? One. No.

Wait, one being good, one being bad? One is the best. One is the best. You have the best odor. Yeah. If you got a five, that's trouble. You smell amazing. Okay.

It's about great. Right now, I'm feeling sexually energized based on your scent. Oh. Is it? That's trouble. You smell amazing. Okay. Right now, I'm feeling sexually energized based on your scent. Oh. That's nice. Can I guess what it is? Yep. Is it a mix of CK1 and deer urine? I'm going to...

Oh. Oh. I was going to guess. Guess. You should guess. Is it the new accent incapacitator? Yes. Okay.

Those are the same thing, actually. Yeah. That's what they... the same thing, actually. Yeah. That's what they... Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. Just CK1 and deer urine. Yeah, that's the incapacitator.

When something momentous happens to you, our listeners, we have you call us. 206-984-4FUN is our telephone number. Somebody tweets me the other day, hey, something momentous just happened to me. What's the phone number? Cough. How many fucking episodes of this show have we done at this point? Fuck. We've been doing just happened to me. What's the phone number? Cough. How many fucking episodes of this show have we done at this point?

Cough. We've been doing this show seven years. What a waste. What a waste of time. Yep. Wait, seven years? More than seven years.

A long time. Yep. Eight years. Nine years. This was the first thing on computers. Yep. It was this,

then battle chess. Well, there was WordStar. At some point, there was WordStar. Sure. And Lotus Notes. Well, that started out as. At some point, there was WordStar and Lotus Notes. Well, that started out as a newspaper column. Right. Yep.

So I don't really count that. So you're talking about original things, not adapted. Yeah. Gotcha. Hypercard? That was actually... It's a play. A play. I would say one-act play.

The play was originally an epic poem. Oh. I would see Hypercard the play. Yeah. You know what my favorite novel of all time is? Do you guys mind if I tell you? Excel. Oh, yeah.

I mean, the character development. Sure. Sprawling. Sprawling novel. Sprawling. Sure. Sprawling. Sprawling novel. Sprawling. Sure. I mean, when you get into like- When the cells finally merge.

Oh, yeah. Road D.F. You know what I mean? Yep. Originally published as a serial. Yeah. Oh, sure. They paid the author per cell.

Yeah, exactly. So it's a little longer than it needs to be. You know what? I think there was a lot of controversy over the author's use of macros. You think it's racist. Yep.

Fill down. This is the stupidest shit we've ever done in the history of this show. I know I've said that before, but... Okay, 206-984-4FUN. Put it in your phone, dummy. Your phone's in your pocket right now.

That's what you're listening to this fucking show on. Pull out the phone. Open up your contacts. 206-984-4FUN. Okay, and then save it. Call it Momentous Occasions. Jordan, Jesse, go. I love them.

Yep. There's a call. Momentous Occasions. Call it. I love them. Jordan, Jesse, go. I love them. No, not just I love them.

Everyone loves Momentous Occasions, but it's about people loving us. Oh, yeah. And you, to some extent. Not as much. The work you do on the boards. Yeah. People like how the show is mixed. Yeah, sure.

Generally speaking. Generally. There's been some complaints. If it's not a live show. If it's not a live show. Yeah, we've had a few questions. Hey, that Battleship show sounded awesome. Look, we got...

Battleship shows sounded great. We got four calls. Well, the stakes were very high. We got four calls. Let's hear the first. Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. Well, the stakes were very high. We got four calls. Let's hear the first. Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. Hi, guest.

I have a momentous occasion. I was just driving down a divided highway, two lanes on each side, and traffic in the out-and-coming direction had come to a stop. There was a family standing in the median, a wife, a father, well, a mother, a father, and a daughter. The daughter is about nine years old, and they're waiting to cross the median, a wife, a father, well, a mother, a father, and a daughter. The daughter's about nine years old, and they're waiting to cross the street. The traffic came to a stop. They start crossing the street.

They've all got their hands full. I guess they were at the convenience store, and Dad's got two big gulps in his hands. And traffic starts moving, and in a sudden moment of panic with his hands full. He wants to pick up his daughter and help her get across the street. He uses his elbow, wraps it around the outside of her head, almost in a headlock,

picks her up and carries her across the street doing kind of a deck walk, which is probably the funniest thing I've seen in weeks. When she set her down, she pushed him. So I think that she thought that was funny.

She pushed him, like, playfully like a dog or a push her dad. But I thought I had to call you guys and let you guys know. Hopefully you guys get a kick out of that. She picked, he picked his daughter up by her head? In a headlock? Why didn't the daughter just carry one of the big gulps? Just give the daughter a big gulp. Well just carry one of the big gulps? Yeah. Just give the daughter a big gulp. Well, maybe those were his big gulps.

He didn't want her to take any. And also, he didn't say who the family was. If it was the Obama family, we know that the mom would be pretty upset if he gave the daughter a big gulp. Yeah. Because of her dedication to fitness. Yeah. And nutrition. Yeah.

Healthy nutrition. A healthy lifestyle. By the head? Yeah. It seems like that's a good way to murder your child. Yeah, that sounds like it. Or at least damage your child permanently. Why do you need two big gulps?

Well, you're super thirsty. Oh, yeah, you're just really thirsty. You're in a commercial for body wash, and you're talking about being manly. A better question is, why do you need one Big Gulp? Right? Why does the Big Gulp exist? Yeah.

It's like, a Big Gulp is just like, fuck you, everything. Sure. Right? Because it's not, a Big Gulp isn't even really better than a can of soda. It's not like you feel better and better the more of it you drink. Right. It's not like Chardonnay. I would drink a big gulp of Chardonnay.

It only even had that crushed ice. Right, yeah. Crushed ice is really nice. Cube ice is bullshit. Fuck cube ice. Crushed ice is where it's at. I think that's the moral Right, yeah. Crushed ice is really nice. Cube ice is bullshit. Fuck cube ice. Crushed ice is where it's at. I think that's the moral of this story.

If there's any moral here, I like that nice, fluffy crushed ice. That is nice. Yeah. Let's take our next call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. Hey, I just wanted to

leave a momentous occasion. I was driving to a rehearsal this weekend, and while I was waiting at a stoplight, this little boy comes running out of his house at top speed. The little boy is shirtless. He has a big, huge cowboy hat on, and he proceeds to stop and projectile vomit all over the sidewalk. Not sure what the back story was, but it was really great. It really made for a great weekend. So thanks, guys.

Thanks for the show. You're welcome. Yeah, that's cool. What do you think she was driving to a rehearsal for, PowerPoint? Yeah. God, that is really amazing. I felt like the movie didn't really capture the magic of the stage version, even though it had Meryl Streep. It had, you know, all those brilliant actors.

Yeah, but, you know, like some of that acting that, you know, you have to act a little bit bigger on the stage. It just comes across as hammy on camera. Yeah, I think so. But on the stage, it was exceptionally powerful. Sure. I found it to be exceptionally powerful. Powerful. I was moved.

The transitions, in particular, I thought were very nice transitions. Seamless. Seamless. Oh, I love it. So stupid. Next call. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and guest of Undetermined Ethnic

Origin, Sandy from Boston. Whoa, pause it. Now who's the racist? Who's racist now? Whoa. To be fair, what are you, some kind of Lithuanian? Yeah, mostly white. Kind of Lithuanian.

Cool, dude. 116th Portuguese. That's why you got the Fernandez. Oh. Portuguesh. Yeah, Portuguesh. Yep. Is that why you're so into seafood stews? Oh, yeah.

I love a good stew. That's the Portuguese side. You know, my wife's cousin is a quarter Portuguese, maybe half Portuguese, just obsessed with Portuguese shit. Just talks so much Portugal shit. And like, Portugal's a lovely country. I have no... No. Look, I would not say an ill word towards Portugal. a lovely country. I have no. No.

Look, I would not say an ill word towards Portugal. I guess I don't know anything about it. I'm trying to search for like a funny fact to say about it. I know very little. Less. Maybe less than that. It's like a more multi-ethnic, poorer Spain. It's because it was a seafaring nation.

It was the great sea power of the world in its day. And so you get a lot of cross-cultural things. You get a lot of seafood stews. So wait. So if it's a seaport, in Assassin's Creed 4, which sea chanteys do you get there? Things they didn't teach

us in history class. You never learn the important stuff in school. That's why you have to turn to assassins. Cyber assassins. Sure. Have you guys ever projectile vomited in

public? I'm trying to think. Yeah. I've ruined a couple bathrooms, but I usually make it to the bathroom to ruin it. Fourth grade. I was in line. I had hot dogs, which was my favorite thing to eat back then. And still to this day. Yep, still to this day.

Nothing wrong with a hot dog. Next to a seafood stew. Well, these days you put them in the stew with a conch, some conch maybe. Yep. Sea urchin. Uh-huh. And then it was a Thursday. i remember that that was hot dog day and i wasn't feeling great after lunch in line you know you had to go in everywhere in lines

and uh i wanted to go to the bathroom but i had to stay in the line just puked right in front of the whole class and my friend behind me said ew it looks like melted bubble gum. And I was very embarrassed. I was afraid people wouldn't want to be my friend anymore because in kindergarten, there was another kid who had puked in front of the whole class and I stopped being friends with him because of that. I was afraid it had come back to get me.

Did you, after that, did you reconsider your friendship with the first puke kid? Yeah. Well, he had moved and I felt bad to this day. I feel bad. You feel like maybe you caused his family to move. Do you want to make amends?

Mike Rockies, if you're out there. Mike Rockies, or if you know Mike Rockies, if you know, do you mind saying? You know, Mike Rockies grew up to be Pro Drummer 69. No! You drove him to a life of drumming. Uh-huh. And theft. Circle of life moves us all, my friend.

No, it moves us all. I think we can find Mike Rockies. Mike Rockies. What town in rural Pennsylvania are we talking about? Erie, Pennsylvania. Erie, Pennsylvania. It's a pretty solid-sized town, Erie, Pennsylvania. It's on the lake.

It's not bad. It's a nice little town. If you know a Mike Rockies, what age are we looking at, 27? Probably 29, 30. 29, 30 years old, Mike Rockies. I think we can do this. Let's get him. Let's get him on the show.

Let's get Rockies on the program. Call in. Let's get him on the show. I mean, I think he's doing Largo next month, right? Yeah, I think he's doing. Yeah, exactly. The little room. We got one more call.

Oh, right. I stopped in the middle of the call. Oh, you just wanted to call this guy racist. Oh, yeah. That was... I was of indeterminate origin. Well, he said indeterminate. Didn't he say indeterminate ethnic origin?

Ethnic, yeah, that's it. That is kind of weird. I mean, I should talk.inate. Didn't he say indeterminate ethnic origin? Yeah, that's it. That is kind of weird. I mean, I should talk. No. But go ahead. With $2,500 in it on the street. It was in a white envelope, not a blue security envelope. So I can only assume that it was triad money because I live in Chinatown.

Triad money, because I live in Chinatown. So, yeah, I'm going to pay off some debt and go shopping at places that I normally can't afford. Woo-hoo! Bye, guys. Love you. Love you, too. You're a common thief. A real pro-drummer 69. Yeah, you're no better than pro-drummer 69.

Is the lesson of this... I mean, he also assumed that it was triad money because he lives in Chinatown. Is the lesson of this that the way into God's graces is to be racist? I guess so. That's it. I have to say, speaking of

triads and Chinese gangs, I'm from, I don't know if you guys know this, but I'm from San Francisco. Oh, sure. And when I was in high school, I used to work in the mayor's office in San Francisco. And one of the supervisors at the time, supervisors being like city councilmen or whatever, was Leland Yee, who is now a state senator but was recently arrested on corruption charges. who is now a state senator but was recently arrested on corruption charges.

And it turns out that he was in cahoots with this gangster whose name is Shrimp Boy. Oh, man. I love that. Here's the thing. There are two kinds of people that you can be if your name is Shrimp Boy. One of them is deadly Chinese gangster. I bet he's got like a signature weapon or something. Yes! I'm not going to say this guy kills people with shrimp

because that's silly. No, that would be ridiculous. But I think he does like, you know, he's the garotte wire guy or, you know, he's got a bunch of knives strapped to him at all times. He's got a thing he kills people with. That's awesome. It's a nickname that only a deadly person would have

sure you see what i mean like it's not in this case the the ridiculous nickname is ironic because he's so deadly yeah it's like not like a fat joe it's a part in uh raid two i think the yeah the only other type of person i can think of boy hits the baseball at you you guys seen grade two the only other kind of person i can think of that would be called Shrimp Boy would be like a tiny elderly Cajun guy. Like a Chef Paul Prudhomme type. I was going to say like a gay porn star. That's good too. We came up with three solid shrimp boys.

I was thinking of a shrimpy version of the lobby boy in Grand Poudre. Oh, sure. Yeah. I would like maybe just a lobby boy who smells like shrimp. Yeah. I would like to see an entire gay subculture built around shrimp boy. Shrimp boy. Oh, sure.

We should we should get Kevin Allison on the phone. He knows probably already. Actually, yeah. He already knows. I saw Kevin. Kevin Allison did a tweet today that said that he was organizing a storytelling show to perform before an orgy. Yes. Like as a kind of a pre-show or an opening act to an orgy.

That's amazing. Looking for shrimp boy stories. Kevin Allison is the best. I mean, that guy lives a life. Oh, man. I'm envious of Kevin Allison's existence. Kevin Allison, what I thought was really lovely, well, number one, Kevin Allison has an unflaggingly positive attitude. Like, there is no, like, who would you more want at your orgy?

Like, orgy is all about vibe. Totally. You don't want somebody to kill the vibe. And you want Kevin Allison there. You don't want somebody there going like, no, I think they'll ever find that Malaysian plane. We're trying to fuck over here. Yeah, keep it positive. I was three quarters hard when you said that, is what someone might say.

Now I'm mega hard, and I'm wondering why. That's a plain orgy. Plain fetish. Mysterious disaster fetish. I read that same tweet and he said, I'm telling a story at an orgy later. And he says, I think it's really cool that kinksters are into having a fun show before their fuck fest. I just love. Kinksters are into having a fun show before their fuck fest. I just love that he is just the genial neighbor of the world of fuck fest. Part of me is tempted to just move to New York and say,

how can I live like you? But I'm worried that I just never, I think the answer will just be you can't because you're not gay But I'm worried that I just never, I think the answer will just be you can't because you're not gay. I'm worried. I mean, does the world need a straight Kevin Allison? No, it doesn't.

If it was going to have a straight Kevin Allison, she would be a woman. Sure. You know, there's no doubt a straight man could never have the life of Allison. I can be positive and hang out at orgies. I know, there's no doubt a straight man could never have the life of Allison. I can be positive and hang out at orgies. I know, but it's not enough, Jordan. It's not enough. Look,

you're gonna have to at least... If you're mostly straight, but you're down to suck some dick, I think you might just slide in under the wire, because people would be like like you know that Jordan he's straight but look at him slobbing that knob

he's alright yeah I think he's not a part of the problem yeah exactly you would have to be able to demonstrate look I'm one of the I'm not one of these Johnny-come-whatevers.

Johnny-come-on-tits-leaves. Johnny-come-early. There you go. Good work, Brian. That's better. Yeah, you're hired. Do we have one more call? Let's take it.

Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. This is Erin from Ohio. And I just got done listening to the episode with the woman who had the sex dream about Jesse. And I didn't want Jordan to feel left out because a few months ago I did have a pretty intense sex dream about him. I dreamed that I got to be a guest on the show, which was awesome. And then afterwards, Jesse left and I was left with Jordan. And things just sort of happened. And I must say that it was a pretty intense dream,

and it stayed with me for a while, which was kind of a big deal because I'm a lesbian, and that's the kind of dream that I have usually. So, you know, there you go. Don't feel left out, Jordan. You are invading the minds of women nationwide as well, including us lesbians. You know, it's been

a great couple of weeks. I'm worried that I'm headed for some sort of epic fall. Because the last couple of weeks have just been so great. Can I recommend that you just put a really lightweight lock on your bicycle? Yeah, because my bike is going to get stolen.

It's about to get stolen. What a delightful cherry on top, so to speak. You know what? Can I tell you something, Jordan? I think you might have a shot with Kevin. Yeah? Yeah, maybe he needs like a boy wonder type sidekick. Sure.

Someone that lesbians like yeah and that sometimes they have sex dreams about him sure right yeah

done deal if you're a lesbian who's had a sex dream about me please email Kevin Allison risk at riskshow.com

and just let him know if you want to get in touch with us call us at 206-9844-FUN or email us at JJGo at MaximumFun.org. We'll be back in just a second. Sorry for that gross booger noise. On Jordan, Jesse, Go. Jordan, Jesse, Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Brian Fernandez, Sonny D. You know, Brian had a lot of fans on this program even before he went on microphone. Yeah. People, yeah, people, I mean, people will talk about, you know, hearing Brian's laughter. You know, advice on how to mix the show differently. Yep, yep. So, yeah, I mean, already Brian's been out there. Yep, yep.

So, yeah, I mean, already Brian's been out there. Oh, I mean, you were, I think you made your On Mic debut as our beloved character Captain Obvious. Oh, sure. That was later stolen by Hotels.com for their stupid commercial. Yeah. Yeah, that's frustrating. Fuck you, Hotels.com. Yeah, we invented Captain Obvious. Yeah.

Anyway. You know, I ran into the guy that won the Captain Obvious hat at the Battleship show last night at the Jordan Jesse Go show. Yeah. He told me about his cool shoes. Cool. Yeah, it was fun. That sounded like a fun conversation. He wasn't wearing his Captain Obvious hat, though?

Yeah, and I was a little disappointed because, honestly, I thought he looked really good in it. He's kind of a big, beefy dude. I found out last night he's a stevedore. Okay. Longshoreman. Which is a pretty cool job. Sure. Very cool job. He's like a big, giant, burly dude.

Kind of a big beard. I found out also he's Cuban. Him and Ricky Carmona were talking about Cuban guy stuff. It just looked natural for him to be wearing a captain hat. Like sort of the way it would look like you could put any hat on Orson Welles. Oh, yeah. You know, like even like one of those German hiking hats.

Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? The green ones with the little feather and the pins in it. Like any hat would look cool on Orson Welles because he's like, yeah, I'll kick your ass or whatever. You know, like that's what. Yeah. He looked great in the captain's hat is all I'm saying.

Pull that hat off. Yeah. I wish I looked good in a captain's hat. I don't think I could pull it off. Yeah. Me too. I don't think I could do it. Barely.

Barely pull off a baseball hat. Yeah. Well, that's your lot in life, I guess. Cross the bear. You should become a beefy Cuban man. You can do it. Start eating plantains. Dreams can come true.

Pump an iron. I believe in you, guys. Start unloading freight. I'm starting to feel like no lesbian has ever had a sex dream about me. That's not true. Well, if there had been one, don't you think we would have heard about it? It's true. I mean, maybe we would have. That's not true. Well, if there had been one, don't you think we would have heard about it? It's true. I mean, maybe we would have.

That's true. A lesbian called in. Jordan had a little sex dream about him. Don't. Gay. You had. That other one was that girl had the sex dream about you. She told it to her boyfriend.

They used it to have sex. With an orgasm for three times. Yeah, they used it to have good sex. Just be thankful for what you've got. Your sex dreams powered other sex. Thanks, William Devon. Isn't that his name? I think I got that right.

Yeah. Well, at least I still have that diamond in the back on the sunroof top. Show me gangster lean. Okay, look, it's been a great time. We'll see you the weekend of my birthday. Oh. April 25th and 26th in Portland and Seattle. That's going to be great.

And Monday the 28th, if I'm getting those dates right, in Vancouver, British Columbia at Simon Fraser University. We'll get those up soon, but in the meantime, put them on your calendarios. Special thanks this week. We should do a meetup after the Seattle show at that circus bar that we did the Seattle meetup at that one time.

Wait, we had a Seattle meetup at a circus bar? Oh, maybe I just did that. Okay, that was just me. I went out there. You just went to a circus bar. I just went to a circus bar. This was back when you were

in the circus. And I fucked a clown. That's why I want to go back. I want to see if that clown is still there. Yeah, get that clown in the mix. I forget what it's called. There was a circus bar. This was back when you were in the circus. And I fucked a clown. That's why I want to go back. I want to see if that clown's still there. Yeah, get that clown in the mix. I forget what it's called. There was a circus bar. It was really fun. Anyway. Yeah, I'm down for that. Yeah, sounds good. How was your

Florida meetup? Your Miami meetup? I would call it lightly attended. A lot of fun. A lot of fun. We had a nice time. We forgot to plug it on the show. We told the wrong time. There's a lot wrong with it. It turned out the place that we announced that it was going to be at was out of business. We forgot to plug it on the show. Yeah. We told the wrong time. There's a lot wrong with it. Oh, okay. It turned out the place that we announced that it was going to be at was out of business.

Yeah. Oh. A lot of problems. Three strikes. But some people still showed up. Some people still showed up to hang out. To die hard. To die hard.

To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard.

To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard.

To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard.

To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard.

To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard.

To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard.

To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To die hard. To It's horrible. Strikes. Colin Marshall on the boards this week. Colin, is your Notes on Cities and Culture still? Notebook on Cities and Culture is Colin Marshall's podcast.

It's an excellent podcast. I've been on it. Jordan's been on it. Lots of eminence grise have been on it. And non-grise. You know, just regular eminence. My French is not strong. Let's be clear.

But it's a wonderful program. We're very grateful to Colin Marshall for running the board, so Brian Fernandez could be here in the studio. Yeah, thanks for having me, guys. This was truly a dream come true. This is the real deal. Brian, I don't know if you're too... Are you a lesbian?

No, no. Well, in another life. Brian, I don't know if you're just forgetting or if you're too polite. I want to suggest that if people are in the L.A. area, they should go see your sketch group, Brute Squad. Oh, yeah. Brute Squad. Very funny. Thank you.

Yeah. Sketch group called Brute Squad. We perform at I.O. West every third Sunday of the month, and we're online. We have sketches online and stuff like that. Funny or Die slash Brute Squad. Can I tell you something? I am generally against an allusion to something in the name of a comedy group.

Jordan, for a while, was in this comedy group called Marvin Barry. I wasn't nuts about it. No, I didn't pick that name. I wasn't nuts about it either. I remember. That's why I felt comfortable saying it. It was a very funny group. Great people. I think we pick that name. I wasn't that's about it either. I remember that's why I felt comfortable saying it. It was a very funny group.

Great people. I think we did good work. A lot of very funny people in that group. Terrible name. And I've said that to them. I've said that to their faces. But I will say this. While Brute Squad is a cultural illusion, it's a thing from the Princess Bride.

Not only is the Princess Bride a great thing. I mean, only a real doof would think The Princess Bride wasn't great. Which I was. But you're not anymore. Now you're cultured and urban. Yeah, sure. But it has a really nice ring to it. Yeah, they have a little intro video.

It feels really solid. It's got a nice, solid feel. Absolutely. Great sketch group. Funny, high-energy sketches. The shows run a little long sometimes. That's true. We get going.

You can come see them in Los Angeles, often at the I.O. West, elsewhere from time to time, and funnierdie.com slash Brute Squad. Yeah. So thank you to Brian Fernandez. Brian, great news. Yeah. You're hired. I'm in.

Yes. We'll talk to you. I'm in. Yes. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. We'll see you next time on Jordan, Jessica. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.