Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 321: Wood Work with Mike Schmidt

Episode Date: April 14, 2014

Mike Schmidt joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Jordan's experience at a faerie hunt in Griffith Park, Jesse's feelings about changing in front of strangers, and their upcoming trip to the LA Kiss arena football game.

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. It's a beautiful day in Los Angeles, California. Boy is it. The sun came out. It's been warming my skin all day long. It warmed my skin this morning at toddler swim class.

Jesse, I would like to hear about toddler swim class. Because I'm not much of a swimmer. Sure. Kick, kick, kick, kick, breathe. Kick, kick, kick, kick, breathe. Doggies and kitties. It's called doggies and kitties. Oh, interesting.

Yeah. I want to hear more about toddler swim class, but something happened to me today. I've got bad news for you, Jordan. That's all? That's all I got on toddler I got. Oh, okay. Well, I was hoping you had a chunk. No. A toddler swim class chunk.

No. Something amazing happened to me today, and I kind of feel like if I don't talk about it, I may burst. Sure. Do we want to introduce our guest, and then I can get this out? I would love to. I think I can stand not bursting while you introduce the guest. Momentarily. No promises.

You are kind of Veruca salting out right now. Sure. You should not have eaten that blueberry. Yeah, or listen to early 90s female-fronted Alterna Rock. You got it. Both were a mistake. He's one of our favorite guests on the program, one of our most beloved, one of our most requested guests on the show. He's the host of the 40-Year-Old Boy

podcast. He is a comedian, comedy writer. His name is Mr. Mike Schmidt. Hi. Hi, Mike. How are you? I will tell you this, though. I am not the Seether. The Seether is Louise. Okay. Just wanted to make sure we get that all taken care of. Do we know that? What's that? That's Louise. That's from Veruca Salt. I thought you were... I was running with you, friend.

Yeah, you know, my, my, thank you. Yeah. Thank you for one-upping me. No, I'm trying to play along. But yeah, I don't know enough about Veruca Salt to keep that going. Okay. Well, that's, that was a hit. You, okay.

You saw me struggle to come up with early 90s free move. Kim Gordon, Kim Deal, shut up. Jordan, can I recommend that you just go along with him using pure imagination? Well, nicely done. I'll just close my eyes. Yeah. I think that's tied up. Okay, Jordan, I don't want you to explode.

Why don't you put a pin in it and let it ooze out slowly? I was in Griffith Park today. It's a beautiful urban park here in Los Angeles. And while I was parking, I saw a sign that said, Fairy Hunt Today. F-A-I-R-I-E Hunt Today. Like a homemade sign. F-A-I-R-E? I-R-E. What's that alternate spelling of fairy? I just wanted to make sure it wasn't a hate crime going on. Yeah, no, no, no. I assumed this was something enchanted

and not something hateful. F-A-E-R-I-E? I think so. That sounds more right. Does that sound right? Yes. And before we get into that really quick, let me ask you, we're in an urban park in Los Angeles. Yeah. Was Jesse there sleeping on a bench? I'm just wondering because, holy God, I haven't seen you in a while and what happened? All right, go ahead.

I grew a beard. Yes. I grew a beard and I'm wearing a plaid shirt. Jesse, you're reacting to the normcore fad. You've gone bumcore. So, fairy hunt. Great. I enjoyed the sign.

I didn't really think much of it. I noted the sign. And so I went on my hike and I didn't see anything related to the fairy hunt until I was kind of coming back down. And I saw these two goofballs dressed up as like jesters, like hiding behind a tree. Wait, can I say something? Yeah. I feel like you're painting them with a pretty broad brush. When you say that these two guys dressed up as jesters hiding behind a tree were goofs. i mean i could be being kind of i mean i am a reactionary it's a little judgmental

i am a little i was a little judgy they did you did you decide they were goofballs initially and then went oh they're dressed as jesters as well i was getting a goofball vibe no you know they were dressed as jesters and then i like kind of looked at the guys in the jester costumes and saw that they had like crazy waxed mustaches. So I'm guessing these are like... Goofballs. Yeah, goofballs. These are people with circus skills. Right.

These people have devil sticks at the ready. Poised and ready to go. They're ready to go in their utilical. Sure. And I was glad that I had seen that fairy sign because if not I'm like oh well here's some weird child molesters should i try and take them down should i alert the authorities

uh so i was really glad i was i'm like oh okay i these guys are probably fairy hunt related although then maybe they weren't maybe they were just there what's nice about griffith park is there's room for everybody sure it's one of the largest urban parks in America. And so if you want to go to the zoo, you can go to the zoo. You want to go to Travel Town? Go to Travel Town. You know what I mean? You want to hunt stuff?

Apparently you can hunt stuff. You want to hunt down mythical creatures of the Victorian era? Yeah. Yeah, go to town. You just want to suck a dick? Go ahead. We go into one of the many bathrooms. There's a variety of want to suck a dick? Go ahead. We go into one of the many bathrooms. There's a variety of places to suck a dick.

Yeah. So, yeah. So I'm like, oh, these guys are probably related to the fairy hunt. And then as I was kind of – as I went in a little bit further, I saw the fairy parade. And this was a bunch of parents holding little girls dressed as fairies. They all had on like tutus and wings and they had little wands. And they were kind of being led through Griffith Park by some nice community theater types. And then there was just a group of men dressed all in black shooting crossbows at them.

Yeah. Takes all the fun out of the hunt when they're all in a parade. Yeah, I know, right? Yeah, they were catching them and squeezing their blood to make tonics. parade. Yeah, I know, right? They were catching them and squeezing their blood to make tonics. So there's this great, there's this huge you know, there's this huge group

of parents with little girls dressed as fairies. Right. And then one little boy dressed as Spider-Man. It was the fucking best. It was great. Yeah? He's like, yeah, I'll go to the fairy parade, but I'm gonna be dressed as Spider-Man.

I'm not going to dress as a girl thing. No. Spider-Man. Absolutely. Although, I experimented. Mythical. I mean, I guess. It didn't.

Well, it said fairy hunt. I mean, I guess it had to be fairies, right? It wasn't just mythical. Do you think. Yeah. Is it possible that the premise of this is that Spider-Man is hunting fairies. Yeah, it could be. He seemed to be pretty integrated with them.

Like, they didn't seem to be afraid of him. Right. Yeah. I like the term integrated. That seemed to work really well. So the fairies didn't turn a fire hose on Spider-Man at the lunch counter. It's the 50th anniversary of the Civil Rights Act, and this one allowed Spider-Mans and fairies to go to school together and even march together in parades.

He was showing solidarity with fairies. It's like in Northern Ireland when the Orange Men marched through the Catholic neighborhood. Sure. In this case, it was a Spider-Man joining the car. The fairy parade. The fairy parade. And they all teamed up to defeat Carnage, who was their archenemy. The good news is no one was gassed.

Wait, Carnage is the archenemy of fairies as well? Yeah, and Spider-Man. Oh, I knew Spider-Man, but I didn't know the fairies had a beef with Carnage. Yeah, yeah. It was a lesser known series. The fairies versus Carnage. Yeah. Technically, Dr. Octagon is a fairy, so he's sort of like a third wheel when they all get

together sure dr octopus we know what you mean oh doctor i thought it was a rapper because jesse's like there is a rapper named i know that's why i apologize yeah no don't apologize please i like i actually like him being entered into this world i mean as long as we're kind of creating this fantasy universe or spider-man keith are hanging That's great. One time I was at the record store, the former record store in Santa Cruz, California, on Pacific Avenue, Streetlight Records. And Cool Keith was in there. He had a show that night in Santa Cruz. And he was just sort of looking around. And then he just threw his arms up into the sky and said, where's that drum and bass?

All right. Did someone show him to the drum and bass? Yeah, it worked. There was a drum and bass ballet. I mean, if Kool Kidz is in your record store, you're going to help him find the drum and Show him where the drum and bass is. Yeah, he's an enthusiast. Let's say here's some square pusher.

Right? Square pusher. Nice. Drum and bass artist. I don't know. I don't know. Nope. You're looking at the wrong guy.

I think it is. I got nothing. It probably is. I don't have the beard don't know. Nope. You're looking at the wrong guy. I think it is. I got nothing. It probably is. I don't have the beard for that kind of knowledge. Sure. You're going to need a different beard to know that. I'm going to change it up. Well, you went straight from Dr. Octagon. You do Dr. Octagon's alter ego, so... Well, that's what I do. You're doing pretty good.

Okay. I'm all about alter egos. We're going to get deeper into this world of child fairies when we come back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. Here we go. Do you think it's okay to finish someone else's food? Do you have a fight with your friend over whether or not he should wear his Philly's garb to a Colorado Rockies game? Does your wife want to keep a chamber pot in her art studio?

If so, please do not write in to Judge John Hodgman. I heard all those cases already. Judge John Hodgman is the show where I, John Hodgman, adjudicate disputes between real people calling in over the internet and I tell them who is right and who is wrong over such important issues as is a machine gun a robot and is it okay to go through the garbage at the Canadian House of Pizza and Garbage? Bailiff Jesse Thorne rounds out the cast for a fun-filled podcast of judgment and justice. Kind of two of the same thing, actually. Judge

John Hodgman, take a listen if you do not mind. I order it. Come visit the courtroom. It is open to all and located at MaximumFun.org. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love great to have you on the show, Mike. Great to have you back. Thank you for having me. And this is my third location. Last time I was here, young Nick Adams was here, not a Jordan Morris. Oh, yeah, the great Nick Adams. And I was in a house at the top of the world. And now I'm in a tackle box with you guys sweating it out. Jesus Christ. This is where we keep our lures.

Yeah, we usually, our guest now on the show is just night crawlers. Oh, nice. Not to be confused with night crawler. Well, I don't know if I'm so funny. You have yet to get night crawler on the show is just night crawlers. Oh, nice. Not to be confused with night crawler. Well, I don't know if I'm so proud. You have yet to get night crawler on the show. Bamf. Yeah. I don't know if I'm so proud about being one of your most requested guests anymore if worms were the alternate.

Yeah. Bring back Mike Schmidt or that sinker. Those are the two favorites. We'd like a bit of squid or Mike Schmidt. Please bring one. Mike, thanks for being our chum. Oh, I'm excited. That's another bait joke.

Ah, at least it's still meaning. There was one thing about the toddler swim class that I almost forgot about, which maybe you guys can help me out with, which is this. My son is a toddler. That's why I'm – it was just a joke earlier when I was implying that I was going to the toddler swim class for my own swim. Huh? All right, fine. I'm not on board with that. was going to a toddler swim class for my own swim. Huh? Alright, fine. I'm not on board with that. I'm actually a world class... Lies, Jesse? Lies in place of humor?

I'm a world class swimmer. I'm actually Michael Spitz. However, my son is just learning to swim, so we go to this toddler swim class, and it's a lot of fun. You got doggies and kitties, as I mentioned, Humpty Dumpties. You do a fair number of Humpty Dumpties.

So you just fall off the pool into the water? Yeah. I'm being serious. Yes. That's exactly what it is. Yeah. Because it teaches them to just get submerged and not be scared. Yes.

Am I right? Yeah. Yeah. Though they don't go all the way under. Oh, do you hold them and bring them in? You sort of, I, we've gotten to the point where I'm, he's, he's got his hands touching mine when he jumps in, and I kind of catch him as he jumps in. Yeah. And he sort of goes up to it about his lower lip.

Okay. You know what I'm talking about? I picture this class having like 80 couples, and the end of it just turning into like the end of Blazing Saddles, where everybody just gets dumped in and all this stuff. It's like a crazy mess. And then everyone starts farting. That's my favorite part of Blazing Saddles. There's all these toddler swim class. Yeah.

Tiny rubber duckies. You got, of course, your sea turtles. There's all kinds of shit in the pool. Okay. Kick pads. Literally with kids. What are those things? Kick doodads.

Kickboards. You know what a swim diaper is? I don't. A swim diaper is a diaper that a child- I'm not into fetish or scat. I got to be honest. I don't. A swim diaper is a diaper that a child – I'm not into fetish or scat.

I've got to be honest. A diaper is – a swim diaper is a type of diaper that a toddler wears to go swimming. And to call it a diaper is really a misnomer. It's more of – It's like a tarp. It's like a tarp. It's more of a tarpaulin. It has no absorbency because the reason you'd use it is because if you put a regular diaper underwater, it just fills up completely and then your child sinks to the bottom.

It drowns the child. It's a hard lesson. That's how they get rid of people in the baby mafia. It's basically just a piece of plastic that you've taped to your child's genitals. I see. Now we're back to those two guys in the park. Oh, yeah. Those guys had some shit taped child's genitals. I see. And now we're back to those two guys in the park. Oh, yeah. Those guys had some shit taped to their genitals.

No doubt. Were they hunting for those guys? Reverse hunt? Yeah. Goof hunt? So instead of a hunt for fairies, the fairies were on a hunt for a couple of goofballs behind a tree. Yeah, sure. All right, kids.

Find the failures. I'm sure they're doing very well for themselves in the world of child hunts. So everything about this class is lovely. It's a lovely class. But the one thing that I don't have experience with is locker rooms. I realized when I got to toddler swim class for the first week last week that I had never changed in a locker room before. Because I didn't have sports teams at my high school. I didn't have sports teams at my high school i didn't have uh locker rooms at my middle school i've never belonged to a gym

and so i have never kidding me been nude in the locker room wait didn't you take that maybe you didn't maybe this was me and jim in college we took that swim class with tyler did you not take that i was not in that swim class and when when I took basketball class at L.A. City College, there was no locker room for the basketball class. So I would just change my shirt or something. You would just drop Trow behind the 7-Eleven. Yeah, exactly. Just rub one out real quick. Then ask people if they wanted some Go-Go Taquitos.

Yeah. And point it at your balls. And there's so many penises in a locker room sure certainly and what's crazy is because it's a swim center and it's a real big swim center it's at the rose bowl there are like now now everyone's gonna come see my penis yep but there are like don't act like that wasn't intentional there's such a variety of peopleises. Talk about throwing out bait. You just chummed in the water with penis information. It's impossible

not to see just a lot of penises. It's impossible not to see literally, just in the course of changing, even if you find a corner and you're facing the corner, you're going to see 20 child penises. It makes me really uncomfortable. And also, why are we so worried about child pornography

if anyone who wants to see a child's penis could just join the swim center? Sure. They could just volunteer at the fairy hunt. To avoid it. Yeah? Yeah. I don't know.

Jesus Christ. Get onto something here, Thorne. I'm going to run for office. Tips for perverts. Eliminating swim centers is going to be my platform. Children everywhere are furious at you right now. But Jordan, I mean, you were in the YMCA for a long time. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I still swim once in a while, and I still have to change in a locker room. Huh? It's fun to stay there? Yeah, it's fun to stay at the YMCA. Making sure. Young man. Well, there's a place you can go. Yeah, there's a place you can go yeah there's a place you can go that was fun i had a lot of fun with that i wish i knew more lyrics to ymca

sadly i do yeah oh okay we did like 18 minutes i would like to do harmonies for in the navy though if you want to what's where you can say all the seven C's? Yeah. How many now? How many C's? Yeah. You know what? And I. Yeah. So, I mean, I, you know, once in a while we'll have to locker room change.

And, yeah, definitely when I was going to the Y regularly, I had to do a lot of changing. And you're right. Personally and professionally. Yeah. A lot of just interchanging as well as my clothes. Yeah. personally and professionally. Yeah, a lot of just interchanging as well as my clothes. Yeah, and you know something I think I discovered about myself while doing changing. So you have a pretty big crank. We're in a tackle box, whip it out. Sure.

Yeah, I mean, you're right about that there are a variety of penises. Yeah. And yes, I mean, there will be some like, you know, there will be some like buff dudes and certainly, uh, at the swim center on La Cienega, uh, here, there's a lot of stunning gay men. Right. Um, which is shiny. Sure.

Which will make, you know, will definitely make me feel, you know, a little bit, a little bit inferior. Right. Really? Which will make, you know, will definitely make me feel, you know, a little bit, a little bit inferior. But really? But you know what? There will also be a lot of like grimy old dudes. Right. And a lot of me. I'm serious.

Because I'm an old, like I don't, because you're saying you've never been naked. Well, I go to the gym all the time and I'm there now. But I don't, I don't give a fuck about naked anymore. Can we swear? I forgot. Yeah. Okay, good. I just bought jeans. Like I, whatever. I lost swear? I forgot. Yeah. Okay, good. I just bought jeans.

Whatever. I lost a ton of weight. I had to buy new fucking jeans. So I was in a mall with my girlfriend. I had to do a little bit of a double take when I saw you. You look terrific. Oh, that's nice. Thank you so much.

Yeah. I saw Zach yesterday, Galifianakis, and he's kind of like, what the? Yeah, yeah. I had to reintroduce myself. Yeah, you're looking svelte. Yeah, which is nice. Thank you. You're very nice.

So I had to buy jeans. We were out. I saw Zach Galifianakis actually the other day and the same thing happened but just because he doesn't know who I am. Well, I felt, I mean,

even if I saw him and I was still me, I would have had to reintroduce myself because he is, you know, come on, the guy's a fucking rocket ship. But could not,

but literally could not be nicer or more. Zach Galifianakis is a very nice man. I interviewed him. Yeah, I worked with him a bunch and he was always sweet and nice.

So, but I was trying on pants. I went to, I was with my girlfriend and we had to try on, I had to try on pants because I've lost weight so I needed pants.

I was wearing pants that were falling off. She's like, you need new jeans. So, we were in this fucking Boston store in, I forget what city we were in

and I couldn't. It's called Boston Market. It was. I was there. We don't have pants. Can I get a quart of mac and cheese? And then I tried them on and they fit. So I had to put on jeans and we couldn't find a fitting room and there was nobody in this fucking department.

So I just took my clothes off there. And she just looks at me and she goes, you're just going to take your pants off? Yeah, I'm just going to take my pants off. There's nobody here, so who cares? Because I don't care. Literally, it's – and I'm not free-balling, so it's not like that. But I mean, if I'm on boxer briefs or whatever, I'll take my pants off pretty much anywhere. Right. Case in point, fellas.

Whoa! The whole thing was a prelude to get my pants off. Well, what's amazing is that that place is a place, like, in my normal life, I don't see any penises besides my son's penises. Sure. And my sons have sort of joke penises. Little baby penises besides my son's penises. And my sons have sort of joke penises. Little baby penises. Like a flag that says bang comes out of them? Essentially.

All right. I mean, they are in and of themselves essentially a flag that goes bang. They're sort of little things that go, wee, wee, wee. You know, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. Wait, you're raising slide whistles? Yeah. Yeah, they got slide whistles downtown. Whap, whap. Wait, you're raising slide whistles? Yeah, they got slide whistles downtown. But like, I literally, when I see my son's penises, it's hard for me to not laugh about their penises.

When I see your son's penises, same thing. Yeah, sure. But like, I just think little tiny baby penises are hilarious. They're so cute and funny. You're really walking a line. I know. You know that. As long as you know that.

I'm right here on the line. By the way, you're laughing at your son's penises. Then you're in a locker room with 20 naked kids. If you just start guffawing like an idiot, you're going to get arrested. Well, that's the thing. So besides that, there's no other penises in my life. I don't think I've ever seen my brother's penises. Yeah.

Except when they were a baby. Sure. As an adult, I don't think I've ever seen my brother's penises. What would be the circumstances? Why would you? That's reasonable. I mean, you know, skinny dipping down at the creek. Sure.

But, you know, I didn't grow up in creek country. How many brothers do you have? I got two brothers, two half-brothers. You didn't share rooms with these kids growing up? No, and they're much younger than I am. So one of them's seven years younger than me, I think, and one of them's 14 years younger than me. Oh, yeah.

There's no call to see their penises. Yeah. Yeah, why would you? Pretty much. Yeah. I mean, I could see if there were some, I think, and one of them is 14 years younger than me. Oh, yeah. There's no call to see their penises. Yeah. Yeah, well, we don't. Pretty much. Yeah, I mean, I can see if there was some, you know, there was some, yeah, you were sharing a room. I had four brothers and we shared rooms. You shared penises. Well, of course you did.

You trade back and forth. Yeah, sometimes. Yeah. Because they all fit. I guess maybe if you were like at the baseball game, you would have like a pea sword fight at the trough, maybe. Well, yeah. Well, you do that with strangers. Fuck my brothers.

Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, you got to establish dominance immediately. Of course, by winning the sword fight at the trough maybe of course yeah well you do those strangers fuck my brothers oh yeah sure yeah you got to establish dominance immediately by winning the sword fight exactly uh so i didn't so and also if someone's getting out of a shower and runs out while you get a jump in because you know we're five boys who had a shower in the same so i mean i've i've had happenstance to see that right just i'm so but yours this the age difference is so different i can't imagine why you would see them. Yeah, so I have an almost only childlike penis situation. That's my favorite band in Coachella this weekend. So there are no, there's no penis in my- That's a DJ set, by the way.

That's not the full band. The front man is just doing a DJ set. Right after Girl Talk, you're right. I'm sorry. I don't see, there's no penis in my day-to-day life. And if penis entered my day-to-day life, it would be a BFD. Oh, sure. You know what I mean?

A big fucking dick. Let's say shirtless guy, my neighbor's shirtless guy, let's say he walked down the street and he was pantsless guy. His dick was out. Game changer. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I'd be on the horn. I'd be on the horn, you know, telling everybody in the goddamn county.

You know what I mean? Everybody from my house down to the creek. I'm sorry, are you calling the Duke boys? Who are you calling? Everybody in the county? Pretty much. The coward? Even the coward?

Well, once he's dealt with the Gatlin boys. Gotta get a few deputies down, yeah, down the old homestead. Duke, Duke, Duke. Got to get a few deputies down the old homestead. So there is this thing inside of me. When I go into that locker room, I have to actively turn off the switch that says penises are a big deal. And it's not so much that I have penis shame. Although, let's be honest, I got nothing to be proud of. What?

You're a strapping young man. Look, you take off my clothes, you're looking at a three. What are you packing, JT? Seriously, we want to know. Let's talk about this. Let's just talk about length and width. 40th percentile. Looking at 40th percentile, okay?

So, and I have- Well, hold on. Jordan, are you swinging for the fences? Let's just put it out there. Well, okay. I'll... Let me finish my thoughts. Hold on. Hold on.

If you have a chart or a schematic, I'm going to be pissed. I've looked at Jazzy's penis while he's sleeping. For sure. 48% out. That's about right. So my thing was like, yeah, like changing in a locker room, there is a lot of different, you know, physiques and a lot of different penises. Right. So my thing was like, yeah, like changing in a locker room, there is a lot of different, you know, physiques and a lot of different penises. And, you know, you have your you have your juiced gym guy, but then you just have your old guy who's there for a schvitz.

And you know what? I I'm I'm fine with my penis. I think it looks pretty good if you put it next to these other penises. It's all right. That's a big Tuesday in the locker room. Yeah, yeah. I know. Let's all line up and just have someone scan the line and judge all the penises. Also, we're wearing horse masks. This is a very weird sex thing.

Yeah. I mean, you know, definitely like against the, you know, juiced fitness guy. You know, I definitely have a, you know, a little bit of a gut I wish I didn't have. I've got love handles that I'm a little bit self-conscious about. But as far as penis goes, I think it's alright. I think it's alright. I have to say. And it's not changing, so why do you, you know what I mean? Sure. Because I'm literally average. Bang.

I'm talking dead center. You know, I have never measured mine. Oh, are you kidding me? That's all I do. I just make sure it's still up to code. I got photos on my phone. I got everything. I got, trust me, the whole thing's a project. It's a project.

Oh, really? You're doing some woodwork. Yeah, that's all I do. Some woodworking. Well, I've got some etchings. I certainly have got some linoleum carvings. Right. You got a shellac it?

Maybe. I think the biggest thing for me, it's not a matter, I'm not that, I honestly, look, I got a pretty hot bod overall. You know what I matter. I'm not that. I honestly, look, I got a pretty hot bod overall. You know what I mean? I'm not that worried about it. I don't feel like anybody's in there judging me. It's just there's so many penises around, and I have to change gears from penises matter to penises don't matter. Sure.

And sometimes the gears grind when I'm changing them. And you know what's funny? You're right in this situation, though. Yeah. Penises are weird. It's You're right in this situation, though. Yeah. Penises are weird. It's weird. Sure. Penises should matter, but when you get in a locker room, everybody's so free and doesn't fucking care. They're the weird ones. You're not. You're absolutely not. They've created a special world,

and the only way you can have this world is if penises don't matter. It's like a Korean spa. In a Korean spa, you go around naked. I've even been to the Korean spa. My wife likes to go to the Korean spa. I have been to a Korean spa. In a Korean spa, you go around naked. I've even been to the Korean spa. My wife likes to go to the Korean spa. I have been to the Korean spa.

In the Korean spa, there's a lot of theme rooms. You go around naked no matter what, and women hit you with loofahs and scrub you until you cry, but that's the whole point. Oh, and also, you sit in a hot tub with a bunch of old men and they're brushing their teeth and they're spinning into the hot tub. Yeah. So, like, it's a world where that stuff happens. And, you know, that's why there's two doors. You know what I mean? You go in one door into an ante room that's like, get ready.

You're about to go into the room where you're about to go into a world where it's okay for women whose name you don't know to hit you with a loofah. All right. And then you open the next door and you're in. They give you your toothbrush and you sit down in the hot tub and go to town. Yeah. And then you open the other door and there's Dennis Rodman. You can create a world with any rules. That's the principle behind Disneyland.

That's the principle behind Korea. You got it. Wait, Mike, so you have been to the Korean spa? You do do... No, I want to go desperately. Yeah, you should. I'm a fan. I love steam rooms

and I love... I was on here, as a matter of fact, one of the first appearances when I got fired from Never Done Funny, I was on with you guys and I finished telling

my gym stories because I didn't get to finish them on my own. Oh, yeah, I remember that. Horrifying, yeah, the guy drinking out of the hot tub and all sorts of nonsense.

So it's funny that we would come back to that. You like the... Time is a flat circle. I learned that from True Detective. You like a sauna? Well, no. I like a steam room. I'll go in the sauna because it's like, I used to go

steam room, sauna, cold plunge, steam room, sauna, cold plunge. I did a whole circuit after I lifted. I'm an idiot. But I don't mind a sauna. I love a steam room. Do you like to lift weights? Yes. That's kind of how I lost all my weight recently. I lifted and some cardio and all that stuff. So now you're super strong, I bet. Would you like to lift weights? Yes. That's kind of how I lost all my weight recently. I lifted and some cardio and all that stuff. So now you're super

strong, I bet. Would you like to feel my arms? You know what? Even better. Would you like to watch me tie my shoes? I am vascular and yoked. Is that where all your definition comes out? My forearms, I have veins that you would when you're tied up. I'm a little uncomfortable touching your arms, but would you mind if I touched your dick?

Well, hold on a second. Business just picked up. Yeah. Again, I said it's average. My arms are much better. Anyway, that's all I have to say about the penis. I will say something that I really liked doing in the Korean spa is you can go into a jade room where it's really hot

and you lay down on jade. Jade. And it feels just luxurious. I don't know what the going rate of jade is, but it feels like you're... Well, it depends on the number of impurities. So this is relatively high impurity jade. No kidding. What about Jordan Morris sweat-encrusted jade?

How much is that going for? Oh, yeah. I definitely took home some fragments and I've been hawking them on eBay. You're going to be a stone of myself. Yeah, exactly. It's going for double, my friend. Well, yeah. It'll increase the value of your jade.

And you lay in there and you just kind of like let the, you know, minerals seep in. And there are Korean soap operas playing on the TV, which are bonkers. And it just kind of adds to the kind of dreamlike quality of everything as you're kind of watching these weird soap operas. Do they have subs? Huh? I'm talking about subtitles on there? They do, but these are not English subtitles. These are subtitles for a different Asian language.

Right. So maybe if I was Chinese or something, I would appreciate them. But yeah, it's definitely just like a soap, like an American soap opera. It's set up a lot like it, but just with crazy graphics. Like, you know, maybe it's telling you what's going on or... That sounds great. Yeah. Nice. And so the Korean spa is what I need to do it, you're telling me. Yeah, it's terrific you what's going on. That sounds great. Yeah. And so the Korean spa is what I need to do it, you're telling me.

Yeah, it's terrific. It's really terrific. I want to do so bad. It's a nice date night because you can go into the co-ed area together and then you can go into the separate area, check out some dongs. Your lady friend can check out some pussies. All right. And then you can come back together in the-

But never the twain shall meet. No, no, no. Yeah. That's unfortunate. At what point do you get up in them things? Oh. Yeah. But never the twain shall meet. No, no, no. That's unfortunate. At what point do you get up in them things? What you do is you sit down to a nice bowl of udon, and then you get all up in that. Sure. You get up in them guts.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Mike Schmidt's just looking at his telephone. I thought we were doing ad stuff. We are, but you can still hit our name. I thought I was eliminated.

I don't know if this was evergreen or what. I'll be here. I'm Mike Schmidt. Hi. We're kicking you out of the show. You can chime in if you have thoughts on our sponsors. Well, you dudes pulled out your phones, so I was like, I thought it was a break, and then the door closed, and now you're back in.

I thought I had to shut up while you read an ad copy. How about this? No, no, no. Sponsors on this week's program. First of all, our friends at Simple Banking Without Bullshit. No fees, free ATMs, an account that's supported by real people who actually care about you and your money. You can actually call them and someone answers.

There's no dialing special. Beep, boop, beep, bop, boop, boops. None of that baloney. And they have a lot of cool tools on their website that help you manage your money in addition to just uh you know a list of uh in addition to just an account balance number they will also give you a use usable balance number which is the amount of money you have minus all of the bills that you have to pay like your rent and your blah blah blah blah so it's so you don't have to worry that you're spending money that you don't have, even though you might not be overdrafting your checking account.

So, Jesse, I mean, I think this is a service that a lot of people are excited about. I mean, I'd sign up, but I guess I would have to wait on some sort of wait list or something. There is a long wait list to use Simple because it's a new thing. It's really cool. But if you're a Jordan Jesse Go listener, you can skip the wait list. Go to simple.com slash JJ Go. Simple.com slash JJ Go. Over there at simple.com, I spoke with them.

They're big Jordan Jesse Go fans, which gives them a lot of points in my book. This sounds like a business you should support. And it is a really cool, really interesting approach to taking all of the crappy parts out of having a personal checking account. So that's simple.com slash JJGo. We're also sponsored this week by our friends at Hulu Plus. With Hulu Plus, you can watch current season episodes of your favorite shows like Family Guy, Parks and Recreation, and The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. And you can watch every episode of shows like Community and South Park. You can watch it

on pretty much any device that exists in the world. I'm talking about Commodore 64. Whoa. I'm talking about the Atari Jaguar.

The Atari Jaguar. It will not play on your Comedy 64 or your Jaguar, but it does play on Smart TV, Roku, Apple TV,

Xbox, PlayStation, and pretty much any streaming device you own. Okay, streaming's the key word because he said any device, which made me think a much any streaming device you own. Okay, streaming's the key word because he said any device, which made me think a can opener

would play these shows. No, absolutely, you can play it on an electric can opener. I understand it, I'm not, look, I'm no technologist. Here's what you can do, you get it all for $7.99 a month, go to huluplus.com slash jjgo you get two weeks for free

huluplus.com slash jj. You get two weeks for free. HuluPlus.com slash JJGo. It's quick, easy sign up. HuluPlus.com slash JJGo. You can try it out. You can even check out their new show, Deadbeat, which is about a pot smoking guy who talks to ghosts. And I was going to note that. That is the exact copy they gave us for Deadbeat. That wasn't us being glib about what the show is about.

Their copy says a comedy about a pot smoking guy who talks to ghosts. I see the billboards all over town and I thought it was a show about Snapchat. No. It's huluplus.com slash jjgo. If you want to get up on the Jumbotron, go to maximumfun.org slash jumbotron. If you want to sponsor an episode of Jordan Jesse Go,

just email Teresa at maximumfun.org. Oh, hey, speaking of Parks and Recreation, have you been keeping up with it? Yeah, I'm pretty much caught up. Isn't Billy Eichner on that show basically the greatest thing in history when he yells at people? Yeah, of course. He just comes in every once in a while, yells something in a Billy Eichner-y type way. He's got a big part in this last episode.

Oh, I love Billy Eichner. That guy, you couldn't find a bigger Billy Eichner fan than me. He's terrific. Catch up on Parks and Rec if you haven't caught up on it. That guy is as good as it gets. And guess what? Me and fucking Jordan are headed to the Pacific Northwest. We're bringing Sonny D with us.

That's great. We got shows in Portland, Seattle, and Vancouver. In Vancouver, I'm going to be speaking, and then we're going to be doing a show with, I'm going to be doing a show with our friends at Stop Podcasting Yourself. Is that Dave Shumka going to be involved? Oh, absolutely. I Stop Podcasting Yourself. Is that Dave Shumka going to be involved? Oh, absolutely. I think my crush is still intact on a Dave Shumka. How could you not have a crush on Dave Shumka?

Hilarious. Seeing him at your live thing, that was my first exposure to Dave Shumka, and then finding out he almost died in a street brawl, gunfire incident. I'm a fan. I will tell you, I'm a fan of a Dave Shumka. Dave Shumka's amazing. He's gorgeous. He's well-dressed. He's gorgeous. He's well-dressed.

He's polite. He's hilarious. Tell them to have me on their show. I will. Just go to Vancouver. When are you going to Vancouver? Well, I will make the scene at some point. Hopefully this summer, actually.

That's a long story. We're looking to do some live dates. Well, when you're in Vancouver, when you're going to be in Vancouver, we'll get you on their show. But in the meantime, we're going to be in Vancouver as well as Portland and Seattle. I'm not going to be in Vancouver. I'm going to be in Vancouver. We will both and Seattle. I'm not going to be in Vancouver. I am going to be in Vancouver. We will both be in Portland and Seattle. Buy your tickets now.

All the links are at MaximumFun.org. Don't be a chump and miss this. Yeah, I feel like I haven't heard people. Just in my perusing of social media, I don't feel like people are excited enough about this. And it makes me bummed. Yeah, come on, guys. This is exciting stuff. When do we get out there?

Now, you said don't be a chump and miss this. Can you be a chump and see it? Yeah, no, chumps are invited. Chumps are welcome. Yeah, yeah, chumps. When do we get out there? Now, you said don't be a chump and miss this. Can you be a chump and see it? Yeah, no, chumps are invited. Chumps are welcome. Yeah, yeah, chumps. All people, people of all stripes. I mean, 50 years ago, Lyndon Johnson signed the Civil Rights Act. Sure.

That ensured chumps were allowed to go to podcast taping. As long as they banded together with the fairies to fight carnage. Look, Dave and Graham are coming from another country. Yeah. To America, where their healthcare isn't valid. They could die. We had to figure out... Like World of Worlds. The plane opens, they just die. Sure, our American germs could kill them.

We had to look up visas on the internet. Ugh. Come on. Maximumfun.org. Get your tickets now. Can I say one more live date thing? Yeah, sure. This is one of mine. This Friday, the 18th of April, if you're going to be at WonderCon in Anaheim, I'm going to be the guest on the Indoor Kids show.

That's at 6.30 in room 213. Got Emily, got Kamal, got Kevin Pereira. And then at 7.30- Kevin Sprinkles Pereira. Kevin Sprinkles Pereira. And after that, at 7.30 in that same room, I will be the guest on James Bonding with Matt Myra. So if you're at WonderCon, come to those.

Now, I have to tell people that you read that off of a grocery list. Literally, you pulled out a yellow slip of paper, unfolded it, and right under the tomatoes and buy beer. Also, Pam and tinfoil. Yes. Okay. Look, that's a bunch of fun stuff. Ham is the name of a woman I fuck at the grocery store.

I'm wrapping your cock in tinfoil first. And of course, if you don't live in any of those places, don't be a chump and miss boatparty.biz. We just added James Adomian, Guy Branum, Tony Kameen, and the great Carol Kolb to the lineup. Go to boatparty.biz. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Mike Schmidt, third person in the booth. He is. It's true. Undeniable. Jordan, we have exciting news for the audience about where we're going tonight.

What? A couple weeks ago on this very show. Sure. Chris Fairbanks was our guest. What? And you're going to run out of things that end in what? I don't think so. I can just recycle them.

I don't think you're keeping track. Chris Fairbanks was our guest. And somehow the topic of arena football came up. He goes, why wouldn't it? Sure. And the three of us on air agreed to attend an arena football game. None of us has been to an arena football game, but Los Angeles just got its first arena football team, which plays in Anaheim. Yeah.

We didn't know that when we all agreed to this. Would have thought twice. We can eat at El Torito while we're down there. rash on-air agreement and purchased four tickets to attend the Los Angeles Kiss against, I believe it's the San Jose Sabercats. No, that's April 26th. I really spent a lot of time with this schedule. Wow. Yeah, you did.

It's the Cleveland something or others. Everybody wanted to get tickets for the Cleveland game. That seems long. That's not going to fit on a jersey, really, the something or others. And it's not a lot of thought to win it. I mean, although I will say Los Angeles kids, worse name than the Cleveland something or others. To be fair, the Cleveland something or others is a better name than the Cleveland Indians. True.

It's not racist. So there's that. Well, it depends. Actually, something or others is another term for India. Oh, sure. There you go. Oh, great. That's what Columbus called them when he came over.

You're a fan of the band Kiss, right? I love Kiss. I was a huge fan, but they just blew it with the name because he's branding. He's all about branding Gene Simmons and he made them the Los Angeles Kiss, but they have a built-in name because their best album ever is Destroyer. Right. The Los Angeles Destroyers and the logo would have been perfect. It just, it was right there.

It was tailor-made, but he's so intent on branding the name. The Los Angeles Beths. Yeah. I know. It's just like, dude, or Los Angeles Kings of the Nighttime World. I mean, that would have even been. The Love Guns. Dude, exactly.

Los Angeles Love Guns is a billion times better than Los Angeles. What about this? The Los Angeles Star Guys. Star Childs. Star Children. Star Child. But let me ask you this. As a Kiss fan, doesn't it seem like they should be the Detroit Kiss?

Isn't Kiss so synonymous with Detroit? Yes, clearly. But, I mean, Gene's out here and he's not going back to Detroit. I don't think Detroit has a soul. But Gene's not on the team. He's not? I guess not. It depends on how well they do because he may make himself the quarterback.

You know fucking Gene. He's not that bad. My understanding is that he's the quarterback. Okay. Paul Stanley's the backup quarterback. Sure. Paul Stanley thought he got to be wide receiver, but he's just holding the clipboard for now. No, they are favored nations.

Gene and Paul run the show. I mean, Tommy Thayer and Eric Singer, those guys are getting fucking water and clipboards for everybody. But Gene and Paul run the show. You think Paul is, what, free safety? You mean you think he's running the defense? Yeah, yeah. Paul calls all the signals. He's back there.

He's a middle linebacker slash free safety type. He's doing a read. Oh, sure. Who operates the tennis ball cannon? Vinny Vincent. Okay. Any thoughts on KISS's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction? Yes.

Tom Morello gave an unbelievable speech. And if you haven't seen it, you need to go online. About Kiss? Yes, he inducted them. Because he's a huge fan. That's a weird pairing. And he spoke so eloquently. And he said exactly what Kiss fans would say if they weren't half retarded.

It's just really perfect. And I read it and I got chills. Because I read it and I was like, I read it and I was like this is exactly what I would have said it's fucking perfect can you encapsulate it or what was like what was so great about it

I'm trying he said there's three things that you need to be you know when you think of a band impact and I forget the second

and then awesomeness and he explains their impact he explains their impact influence and awesomeness he explains their impact you know 30 gold the most gold albums

in American history. He runs down all their statistics. Wait, what's the difference between impact and influence? Influence, then he says, these are all the people who've picked up guitars because of us.

And he names a litany of bands, tons of bands, himself included and everybody else, Rage, everyone. And then awesomeness. And this is the perfect, he says,

if you walked into a bar, this is awesomeness, the test of awesomeness. If you walked into any bar, random bar anywhere in America, and you saw Kiss in all their glory destroying the place in fucking spitting blood and fire and a star child swinging around like a Tarzan and a drum riser that went through the roof and a guitarist that shot rockets and fucking, he goes, you would go, this is fucking awesome. And he goes, that's it.

It's perfect. And again, I can't. It was such a great speech. They should be so honored he did it. It was great. Do you think he'll be speaking at the arena football game? You should hope so. Let's put it that way. Fingers crossed!

Yeah, right? Fingers crossed! At least Zach DeLaRocca, right? Oh yeah, oh my god. He'll be there. With the Bulls on Parade. Actually, it's the Cleveland Bulls on Parade. Do we know anything about what to expect? Because I understand it's not just a football match.

It's a themed experience. Well, it's not a football match, first of all. It's a game of some sort. They have a silver field. You make it sound like a card game. They're going to play Old Maid in their fucking outfits. I know they have a silver field. Oh, dude, I happened to be in Florida last week.

Right. And unbelievably, for some reason, they had the Los Angeles kiss against the, you know, the Florida Gators, whatever the fuck they played. And I saw- Florida fan boats. And then I saw the game- The Florida Swamp People. The Florida Racists. And so I saw the field and I, yeah- That's called the Florida Seminoles. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, they had a- Just another 70s arena rock band, the Florida Kansas. Yeah, exactly.

So, yeah, they had a... Just another 70s arena rock band of the Florida, Kansas. Carry on my wayward football team. But I saw it, too. Yeah, the field was crazy and the uniforms. Again, I think they could have done so much more with the uniforms and stuff. What would you have added? Spikes, right? Well, I would have the Kiss logos, dude.

Like, I would have, you know, they should have the logos itself. I mean, like the faces, the actual makeup. You would have their faces on the helmets? I would have incorporated you know, they should have the logos itself. I mean, like the faces, the actual makeup. You would have their faces on the helmet? I would have incorporated it somehow, yeah. How would, which would it be? Dude, if you could slap it on a Hello Kitty doll, you'd put it on a fucking football helmet. Lyman, get the Ace Frehley face. For continuity purposes, you can't do that.

Right. They should have had like just even, you know what? I would have, for me, because I'm an idiot fan, I would have just put the Dynasty cover on their helmets because it is- Put the fucking Dynasty cover on there. God damn it. It's so perfect. The Dynasty cover.

I stared at it as a child. What's on the Dynasty cover? It was done by Francesco Scavullo, who's a famous photographer. The great Scavullo. Of course. And he did all of them individually. Did they do anything with Scavullo for the LA Kiss? I don't think they did.

I should have called him up. Seems like a mistake. This guy's a legend. Well, he certainly did the Dynasty cover. Yeah, if you're going to an arena football game, you definitely care about what famous photographer shot the band. To be fair, it does seem weird

that they used Danny Leibovitz. That is odd. It doesn't seem like the right... But the Dynasty cover is all four of the members of Kiss, but he took them individually, but then he put them together in a composite photograph. And Peter Criss, he has added an element of there's green in his makeup. It's really heavy green in his eye makeup.

And then a band called Jellyfish wrote a song called Joining a Fan Club. And I loved Jellyfish. And then I heard the song and he said he stared back through his green Crayola eyes. And in my head, I went, wait a minute, because I stared at the Dynasty cover for hours as a child. And then I found out later Andy Sturmer had written that specifically about the Dynasty cover. And I was so happy. So you would put it, you would essentially make it into like one of those rolling billboards, but it's a helmet. Oh, my God.

Yes. Like a full cart. That's a million times better than what I was thinking. How great would that be? Yeah, that's perfect. If it just fucking flipped, that'd be gorgeous. Oh, you're seeing with the triangles? Yes. Yeah. And they turn? Yeah, dude. perfect. If it just fucking flipped, that'd be gorgeous. Oh, you're seeing with the triangles? Yes.

Yeah, and they turn? Yeah, dude, that'd be sweet. It changes between the different album covers? Oh my God, that'd be great. Yeah, because Destroyer's a great cover. Rock and Roll Over's a great cover, too. They're all great covers, pretty much. Not Unmasked.

Yeah, what about the Unmasked cover? No, terrible, horrific. Yeah, that's an entire Tom and Jerry. Do you think that the players' faces themselves are a tribute to the no-makeup era of Kiss? Oh, of course they are. Because of the fact that they're not wearing makeup. I think they should wear makeup for the first half of the game and then take it off for the second half of the game. And then put it back on.

And then put it back on for the fourth quarter. Why would you not? What are you expecting out of this experience? Have you ever been to a football game, Jordan? I have, yeah. I saw the Raiders a couple times as a kid before they moved. I've only been to one football game in person. It was a preseason game at Candlestick. And we were in the upper deck, and it was literally the most boring sporting event I've ever been to in my entire life.

Like, trying to follow a football game from 12,000 feet away, and it's cold. It was cold at Candlestick. And the game didn't matter. I was just going to say, do you think that played into it? Because, I mean, preseason football is truly the death of sport. I mean, it is so horrendous to sit through. Well, I mean, I think that, like, to some extent, I would have enjoyed the pageantry of being in a crowd of football fans. Even, you know, even 49ers fans are relatively reserved. But, like, it would have been fun, like, with everybody with faces painted banging drums or whatever it is, you know even 49ers fans are relatively reserved but like it would have been fun like with everybody with faces painted banging drums or whatever it is you know like or like

Raiders fans in crazy outfits yeah that that's fun but they don't do that for preseason it's just the banjo guy the banjo guy's there there's a banjo guy and for the folks who don't know goes to A's Giants and uh 49ers games right right but like, sure, he's got a tie-dyed cape. But besides that, you know, there was nothing exciting about that at all. What did you think about the Raiders? Yeah, I always enjoyed going to the—we went to some Rams games, too, I guess, before they moved. Yeah, I always had a good time at them. Who's your favorite, Marcus Allen or Eric Dickerson?

Don't make me choose. Yeah. Well, Dickerson's got Dick in his name. That's true. So that's a strong point in favor of him. I think I got to see Bo Jackson, too, before in his heyday. Marcus Allen, though, is world-renowned for his dick. Is he really? Oh my Christ, yeah. I just read a great

story about dicks in this wonderful book called Dollar Sign on the Muscle that I just re-read for Bulls. I just re-issued an old baseball classic about baseball scouts. And there's this story that this one great scout tells about how he could have signed Carl Hubble. I believe it is no lefty Gomez, lefty Gomez. He could have signed lefty Gomez, Hall of Fame pitcher lefty Gomez. But he saw him in the locker room. And he decided that no man,

no boy with a dick that big would have the desire to make it to the major leagues. Wow. Scouting is an actual science. So small dick equals drive. Yeah, exactly. You got to focus. Sure. You got to make up for something.

Yeah. I mean, for this, I mean, I'm. Michael Jordan might be a woman. Yeah, that's true. He's got a reverse penis. Yeah. True. He's got a reverse penis.

Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm just looking forward to like, I'm looking forward to some brews, some giant stadium brews. Right. I, you know, some pals, some good times. And I really want some like between play bullshit. I really want there to be a lot of between play bullshit. Yeah, there should be, right? It should be a circus. Yeah.

A psycho circus. Yeah. Just like their beloved first person shooter. You know how they have those mascot races where different kinds of wieners race each other? Yes. Like a Frankfurter versus a... Sure. And every once in a while, the hot dogs will kick each other and it'll make it onto the internet.

Do you think they could have four mascots, one representing each of the members of KISS? They would, but the only thing is- Starman. But Gene would make sure that he, it would be no fun because Gene would always win. Absolutely. He would make sure that his won. Yeah. The guy wearing the Mr. Cat suit, he takes off his hat and he says, hey guys, can I win

this one? And Gene Simmons himself kicks him in the balls. I don't think he was called Mr. Cat, but it's interesting he would say that. His Mr. Cat suit. That would be the Peter Criss suit. You got Starman. Starchild.

Mr. Cat. That would be the cat. Astro Boy. That would be Space Ace. And what's the last one? The Demon. Oh, the Devil. The Demon.

The Demon. The Demon. Devil Man. No, it's not Devil Man. It is the Demon. Devil Sticks. There you go. It's Devil Sticks. It's Devil Sticks. No, it's not devil man. It is the demon. Devil sticks. There you go. It's devil sticks.

Do you think they'll have G. Simmons there doing devil sticks? If there's money in it, yes. If you will give him a dollar, he will do it. He will learn it and he will do it. What kind of bullshit are you most excited about? Because I don't really only know about minor league baseball bullshit. Yeah. I mean, mascot races, that'd be great.

Like fans coming on the field and trying to kick field goals. What about a dot race on the scoreboard? Oh, sure. I enjoy that. Yeah. I always enjoy a good dot race. Do you really? I do enjoy the dot race.

I always like when they have the concession stand items race. I don't like it when... I don't want the race to be anything more advanced than dots, though. Like in San Francisco, when the A's always... When I was growing up in the Coliseum, like i don't want the race to be anything more advanced than dots though like in san francisco when the a's always when i was growing up in the coliseum they invented the dot race if i'm not mistaken they had the dot race and it was just dots racing now when when the giants moved to their new ballpark in 2000 or whatever it moved to this fucking fully 3d animated boat race because of the harbor is outside of, you know.

Oh, fuck that. I don't want to watch that. I think it's fun to have dots race because dots aren't even things that race. You know what I mean? Sure. A boat race is conceivable. It is a race in its purest, most abstracted form. When you start doing a representation of a boat race, you might as well just have a fucking boat race.

Right. Just show that. A real boat race. Yeah, that someone didn't just animate ahead of time. I see. I see your point. Do you think the two of you... I'm going to ask you this, because I'm not going to this game, unfortunately.

I replied tardily, so I was unable to go. You're out of town. It's okay. Indeed. But the two of you... I'm sure we're going to get season passes. Well, of course we are. I'm in, chums. Yeah. Yeah. Back to chums. Indeed. But the two of you- I'm sure we're going to get season passes. Well, of course we are, and I'm in, chums.

Yeah. Yeah. Back to chums. Do you think- Oh, no. Sharks. I'm going to ask this, and I want to know what you would do, legitimately, what you will do. Yeah.

I'm going to hold you to this on the air right now, because I know what I want you to do. Mm-hmm. If the two of you wind up on the kiss cam- Mm-hmm. Right. And there is going to be a kiss cam. Right. And quite frankly, they're missing an opportunity if they're not putting the makeup on people in the stands oh like how perfect

would that be yeah right um but i'm i want you two to actually smooch a roo if you wind up on the kiss cam will you do it will you do it my instinct would be like if you hadn't prepped this if we came on the kiss cam my just like gut joke instinct would be fake handjob. Wow. Yeah. So you want to get thrown out of the building. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I want to be thrown out.

I mean, if it comes to it, why not? Why not? Dive in, right? I would want the crowd to be behind it. They'll go crazy. Yeah. I wouldn't want to be gay bashed. You can do that. They'll go crazy. Yeah. I wouldn't want to be gay bashed. We're talking about a group of arena football fans from Orange County who are arena football slash KISS fans.

Very good point. That is a very good point. Maybe not. But yeah, I mean, yeah, sure. I can commit to that. I think I can fight those guys off. I've almost wanted to my whole life to have them do that weird situation where they throw the two guys up and like ha ha. And just like fucking make

out. Yeah, why the fuck not? I'm in. But you know what? Let's be honest. I think either of us would rather make out with Sonny D. Sure. Oh, make sure. Yeah, he's got to sit between you two. He's a good looking guy. Look at that smile. Sonny's got to sit between you two. Who wouldn't want to get their tongue up in that mouth? He's not clean shaven today though.

He usually is. He usually has a smooth face, but he's got a little stubble. I think that would chafe. So you're going Fairbanks? Yeah. He's got a baby face. That guy can't grow a beard. I like it. I like this plan.

I wish I was going to be there now. Damn it. I'm going to watch. I'm going to watch the game. We're going to see how many fucking nachos I can eat. That's my plan. Oh, yeah? You think you can eat more than one thing of nachos?

Yeah. Well, what I'm going to do is I'm going to start with a thing of nacho. Well, I'm going to start with something fun like a soft pretzel. Then I'm going to move into a... That is fun. That is crazy fun. I'm going to move into a nacho. Well, here's the thing, Mike.

I don't drink, so I can't have fun by drinking giant beers. That's the main thing. Right. So you do. The food, the concession. So I'm going to go get involved in the concession. So I think I'm going to go like a soft pretzel or something fun. Then I'm going to go into the nachos.

Then I'm going to do a wild card. Okay. Which might be a ballpark dog. Whoa. I don't know what they sell. I'm guessing traditional items. Do you think they have a special theme menu? Oh my God, a kiss menu?

Yeah. Yeah. That'd be great. I have a tongue sandwich. You have a lengua because of Gene Simmons' famous tongue? Yeah. That'd be great. I'd have a tongue sandwich. I'd have a lengua. Because of Gene Simmons' famous tongue. Yeah, that's perfect. And also astronaut food.

Yeah. I need you to have a camera at the ready, Jordan. Sure. Because when he is finished eating, quote unquote finished, his face will look like a color forms board because everything will be stuck in there. There's no way stuff is making it pass into that mouth. Hopefully there's a whole jalapeno on the side. A whole jalapeno.

His face will be like the rear view mirror of a low rider. It'll just be stuff hanging out of that fucking beard. We'll be back in just a second

on Jordan Jesse Go. Justin, what are you doing? I'm strapping a chicken in my arm. Heard there's some plague out west, so I just wanted to get out ahead of it. I had a chicken in my arm. Heard there's some plague out west, so I just wanted to get out ahead of it. Justin, if you'd ever listen to our medical history podcast, Sawbones, where we talk about everything from trepanation to bloodletting, you would know that that is a ridiculous idea and it will never work. Sawbones.

I haven't caught it. Sawbones? Yes. It's every Friday on the Maximum Fun Network, and we record it together. Is it Dr. Something? Yes! Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Mike Schmidt, host of the 40-Year-Old Boy podcast. Gotta get an extra plug in there. Why not? Get a plug in! I've get an extra plug in there. Why not? Get a plug in. I've been saying chair and third guy. Why not throw one in? Throw a plug in. It's a beloved podcast.

A lot of Jordan and Jesse Goh fans are also 40-Year-Old Boy fans. We've got a lot of crossover. It's not just Patrick Roddy. No, it's not? No, it's not just Patrick Roddy. I like Patrick. I think of Scott Phillips also as a crossover fan. Sure.

Sure. Let's just name our fans. Sadly, I could. Yeah. Oh, man. I put Patrick Roddy on the MaximumFun.org softball team. By the way, next time we have a softball team, I need to get you to be on our softball team, Mike.

Okay, great. I'd like to be it. I thought you were going to say I put Patrick Roddy on blast. I don't know why my head went there. You to say I put Patrick Roddy on blast. I don't know why my head went there. You know, I put Patrick Roddy on blast. What? I put Patrick Roddy on because, well, number one, I like Patrick Roddy.

He's a longtime listener to this program. He was a Sound of Young America supporter from the early days. Folks might have, you know, he'll occasionally pop in to, like, Never Not Funny. He likes to make, his main thing right now is making colored glass. What's that called?

Stained glass. And so he'll make a stained glass thing of a podcast just because it's his hobby and he needs something to make it of. And he made a Jordan Jesse Go one that hangs here in our office. Awesome. Anyway, so we needed a couple people for our softball team. I'm like, I'm going to put Patrick Roddy on. This guy is like, you know, he works in construction. He's like a skilled laborer doing metal hanging, something like that, metal fabrication and stuff.

I'm like, this guy is a blue-collar guy. He rides a motorcycle. Brawny? Yeah, Patrick Roddy is going to be my guy. The cleanup hitter. Yeah, he's going to be my guy. The cleanup hitter. Yeah, he's going to be the cleanup hitter. That's your bulldozer. Patrick Roddy hasn't played fucking... He played like T-ball, and that was the end of

his athletic career for his entire life. You know why? Too many penises. Yeah. I tried to... Yeah, lots of penises. My softball team, I failed even at most of my ringers. That's awful.

That's why I'm bringing you in, Schmidt. Yeah, because if you go with the four ringers, then the rest of it you can fill in with garbage. Schmidt, you're the new first baseman. Wow. I will tell you that I'm awful. Are you? I don't know. I'm a pitcher.

You're a pitcher. Great. You're in. Although I will tell you. Then we can, that frees up Brian Fernandez. Sonny D was the pitcher this year. And what would happen is Sonny would not be able to make a game that I'd have to pitch having never played slow pitch softball before in my entire life.

Last time I played slow pitch softball, I was there. I was a glorious day. I tried to make Patrick Roddy the pitcher and he couldn't do it. He like walked like three guys in a row. Poor Patrick. And then he sat him on the bench and made an origami bird out of a napkin. Hey. Last time I played slow pitch softball, I was going to play a doubleheader in the daytime Three guys in a row. Poor Patrick. And then he sat him on the bench and made an origami bird out of a napkin. Hey! Last time I played slow pitch softball, I was going to play a doubleheader in the daytime.

It was fun. I was so excited. My whole day was going to be spent there. And I was pitching, and the third batter hit a comebacker that hit me in the mouth. Oh! With a brand new 12-inch hard softball. I took a one-hopper that hit me right in the mouth, and I literally turned around and just walked off the mound. I am never doing this again.

And spit out this evil mouth full of blood. And my friends are like, are you okay? And I went, nope. And I went right to the emergency room and got 16 stitches down into my mouth all the way down to the bottom of my gums. But were your teeth intact? Yes. That's something. Yeah.

And I was going to the Chicago Comedy Festival like four days later. And I'm like, dude, seriously? Yeah. Because you're looking at a fucking tampon string out of your mouth the whole fucking time. Right. But it worked out. It was fine. But yeah, I took this,

literally a one hopper right in the fucking jaw. And I was like, yep, that'll do it. Walked off, spit blood. When something momentous like that happens to you, we ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN for our segment Momentous Occasions. By the way, Patrick Roddy had a great attitude, and I want to thank him for that.

Patrick Roddy's a winner. We lost every game in our entire season. No, you did not. 0-10, but he's a winner. Who were you playing against? Like, has Earwolf got a team? Like, how the fuck does this work? Was it a podcast league?

This is the lowest level of the Pasadena City League that we could play in. Did you get thrashed by the Bailey J Show? We were getting our butts kicked. The Rose Parade Preparedness Committee? We literally lost badly to the Pasadena Humane Society. Badly. The Inhumane Society

you guys. Let's listen to the first call. Hello, Jordan. Hello, Jesse and most likely amazing guests. This is Eric Cullen from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Cullen with a momentous occasion. Down in a smaller town south of Milwaukee, when it was two hoodlum-type gentlemen, I use the word gentlemen loosely,

but two white boys, bandanas, backward caps, baggy jeans, from what I can tell, they're baggy anyway. One was driving a riding lawnmower, towing a metallic canoe behind it, while one of his friends was in the back of a canoe, leaning back, smoking a cigarette, waving to people. Pretty freaking great. Love the show. Keep it up. Bye.

That's gorgeous. God, that is awesome. Yeah. That's awesome. Literally, the only thing better than the waving at the people is if he has no oar and he's pantomiming, rowing the camera. Just fucking, vroom. Or if he's rowing, he's doing

the rowing motion, but instead of an oar, he has a bong. Oh, gorgeous. How great would that be? Yes. That is awesome. That is some great, like, that is some great dirtbag shit. That is just some fucking awesome dirtbag shit. That is some 10 o'clock in the morning what the fuck are we gonna do today

give these guys a set at the gathering of the juggalos let him just let him ride his lawnmower around on stage pull the guy in the canoe they can wave to the crowd and then pull tequila in the same canoe there you go and then people can hurl feces at her why not she deserves it yeah if anyone deserves it again

it's a beautiful... Oh, that is amazing. It's a good one. That is a beautiful, magical world that they live in. Just white people. If just white people in do-rags, I guess because they got to keep their wave tight. Sure. You know, that's enough.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they do. Well, what if they fall in the water? Sure. You never know. Absolutely not. Need protection. Let's take our next call.

Hi, this is Alex in San Francisco. I'm calling with a moment of decision. I'm in Albon Alley in the Mission, and a drunk man on a bicycle tried to pick up a woman walking down the sidewalk. He called out, If you come to San Mateo, there's a gem show. I don't know if you're into fine diamonds and shit. And then immediately crashed his bicycle into the back of the parking lot.

Bye. That's great. That's gorgeous. Gem show. You know it's momentous when you have to stop in your tracks and make the call. Yeah. No, it's great. It was nice to hear, like, the road noise in the back.

It seems like this actually happened. That's great. You know, this guy knows he's got the number in his phone. And so he's ready. He's walking in Albion Alley, not far from my home turf where I grew up, San Francisco's handsome and historic mission district. You see some shit go down? W slash R slash T, the gem show in San Mateo. Yes.

You can make that call. Boom. Done. Boom. Yeah. Find diamonds Mateo. Yes. You can make that call. Boom. Done. Boom. Yeah. Find diamonds and chip. Boom. I've been seeing the sign up around town.

I guess next weekend being 420 weekend. There's something there's something at like the downtown whatever whatever convention center called the 420 freedom show. Uh huh. That's by the that's by the whatever whatever. Yes. By the whatever whatever. That'll be 420 freedom show uh-huh that's by the that's by the whatever whatever yes by the whatever whatever that'll be packed with something or other oh i don't want that i don't know that's i'm not gonna i've been considering going to the 420 freedom show oh yeah i don't know it seems like it seems like it has some sort of 420 freedom show i was i mean i kind of like skinner yeah turn it up ideally it would be like a B.O.B. or something like that. Right.

I think this has some sort of civil rights undertone to it. Some sort of like that was just the impression that I got. I didn't see any like you know, you know who headlines a lot of those travel guru Rick Steve's. Oh, really? Yeah. This is like his main thing other than being a travel guru is public speaking on behalf of marijuana legalization. I bet it's shit like that.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm all for it. I would prefer that to Sublime with Rome, I guess. So Rick Steves Europe, Rick Steves? Yeah. That Rick Steves, his main, he's given like millions of dollars to marijuana legalization. He's like-

Well, the fact that he even has millions of dollars is horrifying. He has an entire business empire, Rick Steves. He has Rick Steves brand, you know, body luggage. I don't even know

what that would be. You know, like a thing that you put around your neck told your passport or like a special fanny pack. Rick Steves' lanyards? Hey,

you're laughing about Rick Steves' lanyards. I am. But I've been to a lot of public radio program directors conferences. And guess what the fucking passes, the ID badges come on. Fucking Rick Steves Lanyards. That is not a joke.

That is the literal truth every fucking year. Really? They must have bought 10,000 Rick Steves Lanyards. And then just every year they just use 300 of them. It's becoming one of those situations where the name of the product is what people call the thing. So they're like, throw me a couple of Steves. Give me a couple of those. My badge is loose. Throw me a Steve. Can you Rick me real quick? Blaze it up. Next call, please. Hey, Jordan, Jessica, this is Isaac calling from Roanoke, Virginia with a momentous occasion.

I was walking into Wendy's when a nice little old lady looked up at me and gestured to my rather large beard and said, how long did that take to grow? I answered it was about a year. And then she proceeded to ask me in a rather sly tone, can I touch it? So I said sure and bent down, and she reached up and gently stroked my beard and then looked at me and said, I'm going to be thinking about that all night long.

Wow. So I'm pretty sure that I just gave a little old lady something to go home and touch herself about. So, yeah. You guys have a good one. Thanks. Love the show. Bye.

He bent down and put that beard right into the spank bank. Jesus. I mean, he provided her with a sexual service. You would think she would at least buy him a cup of Wendy's chili. Of course. A Frosty. Get him a Frosty. Square hamburger.

She's going to be thinking of that beard all night long because when she's in the shower later, hers is actually much longer because she's an old woman who doesn't care much about grooming. And she's going to be like, it's going to remind her immediately. Yeah. It goes down.

Yeah, that's going to happen. You know what? I think she should have waited to stroke it until after he ate the Wendy's. Then he's got all that Frosty's in there. Yeah. All that nacho cheese. Little bits of baked potato.

Yeah. If you want to call us, 206-984-45. Isn't it weird how Wendy's has baked potatoes? Yeah, it's really weird. But it's awesome. I order one every time I go. Really? Just once a year.

But yeah, absolutely. It's part of the experience for you. It's just different. Yeah. When I was super fat, of course, I ate everything. But then when I started to lose weight, I would actually go there and get chili and potato. I would eat that because it was good for you and there was no fat in it and whatever and

that sort of thing. Interesting. Yeah. Huh. Just get yourself a tater. Oh, yeah. And let me ask you this. What's your baked potato etiquette?

Do you eat all the skin? Eat everything? Eat every crumb? Or you eat just the filling? Here's the thing. I don't like potatoes. But if I am served, there are forms in which I like potatoes. I don't mind a potato chip.

I don't mind French fries, especially a crispier French fry I prefer. So you like potatoes that don't taste like potatoes. I do. I like a frite. I prefer a frite to a steakhouse fry. I see. I do actually like a pommes frites, but I... Do you go malt vinegar on your pommes frites? I'll put a malt vinegar on a steakhouse fry, especially because it drowns out the sort of... More surface area.

Pasty... I see. Potatoiness of it. But with a baked potato, what I'll do, I'll open that thing all the way up and put as much sour cream in there as I can. You'll open up the jacket. Until it's basically... Until the potato is basically a thickener for the sour cream. And then I'll put a assload of cheese and green onions on there until I'm essentially eating a burrito with no meat.

Just potato in there. But I don't mind eating a potato skin. I mean, if you're going to make a fry, don't bother skinning the potatoes. I mean, come on. Yeah, leave it on. Jordan, you eat the baked potato skin? Or you eat just the inside? No, I do not.

Yeah, I have a similar approach to baked potatoes. Oh, as a front insider? No, I do not. Yeah, I have a similar approach to baked potatoes. Oh, as a... It's just a... Yeah, yeah. It's just a... It's a vehicle for toppings. Best thing I've ever eaten in a ballpark was a baked potato. Interesting.

What? I was in Houston at the Minute Maid Park, and I was a parto, and we walked up, and I saw it, and I was like, that's not real. And it was a baked potato, gigantic, you know, like literally monster Texas tater, filled with A literal Texas tater? It was indeed. Yeah? Filled with the size of a toddler. A toddler Texas tater.

Indeed. And it was filled with pulled pork and cheese, you know, real cheddar cheese, not the garbage sauce, and onion, and it was and sour cream and butter and whatever the fuck else you wanted. And it was huge. It was like, it was like a bucket. And, and I picked it up like a burrito and ate it like a burrito with two hands.

I didn't use a fucking fork at all with both hands. And it was, it was the best fucking thing I've ever eaten in a ballpark. I think if I, if that was me, if I got that dish and I would like to get that dish, that sounds terrific. I'd fuck with that. Tonight maybe. Yeah, maybe. I wonder what Kiss's weird challenge, because it's another thing with ballparks these days

is they all have some sort of weird novelty challenge food, like eat it and get a helmet filled with ice cream. Eat it and get in something else weird. You have to eat the helmet filled with ice cream. Yeah, you have to eat the helmet. Please vomit in the bathrooms. Yeah. Or you can have a vomit sword fight in the trough with some other guys.

Nice. I think if I had gotten that, I probably just would have eaten everything off the top and there would have been a pristine potato at the bottom of that just with nothing on it. We can reuse this. You would have said, you know what, leave the potato wrapped in the foil and just put everything on top of it. Yeah, exactly. When I see silver, I'm done.

Yeah, exactly. When I start to taste foil, when I'm chewing on tin foil. I'm just excited about putting sour cream on pulled pork. Oh, my Christ, it was so good. That sounds like a good time to me. God damn it. Dude, it was amazing. It really was.

It sounds terrific. That's essentially what I'm doing when I'm making a carnitas taco at home. Yeah. See? Do you make an al pastor at home? Well, I'll make an al pastor at home, but the al pastor that I make at home is from, like, grocery store al pastor. I see. In my neighborhood, if you go to the meat counter, they will have pre- Made al pastor at home, but the al pastor that I make at home is from like grocery store al pastor. I see. In my neighborhood,

if you go to the meat counter, they will have pre... Made al pastor. They will have pre-made al pastor that you just have to cook. I see. Pre-seasoned or pre-marinated al pastor.

But I will make, I will make carnitas at home. Carnitas is easy to make at home. You get yourself a pork shoulder, put it in your slow cooker, cook it for the day, you know, put a bunch of onions

and garlic on top of it. So any Dr. Pepper in there? Don't need to do shit. Any of that nonsense? Just cook it for the day, you know, put a bunch of onions and garlic on top of it. So any Dr. Pepper in there? Don't need to do shit. Any of that nonsense? Just cook it for the fucking day. All right. And then basically... You're very angry about this process.

Yes. It gets real soft. You pull it apart and then you just pan fry it a little bit to crisp it. That's it. That's all you have to do. It's fucking amazing. Carnitas. So good.

So goddamn good. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Mike Schmidt, host of the 40-Year-Old Boy podcast. That's right. Plug number two. I was just about to plug your fucking podcast, the 40-Year-Old Boy. Plug it more. The 40-Year-Old Boy podcast is a podcast.

Yeah, plug it up. Plug it. Get in there. Mike Schmidt. Look at my forearms. Get all up in them. Goes on to his microphone for upwards of six hours at a time. Talks continuously while a woman cackles in the background.

Yeah, she enjoys it. It's a delightful program. You won't believe the stories that Mike Schmidt has generated in a lifetime of interesting choices. Yeah. I've made some choices. He's a man who has made choices.

Indeed. And you can enjoy them on the 40-year-old podcast. Or not. You'll hear of them. Enjoy choices. Indeed. And you can enjoy them on the 40-year-old porn podcast. Or not. You'll hear of them. Enjoy choices. Yeah. Is that the slogan? Exactly. You also have a comedy album out or a sort of storytelling-ish comedy album from our

friends at AST Records. Indeed. It was a storytelling comedy hybrid. And I think it's different than anything that you can find out there because we kept the stories intact. We didn't cut them up really into bits. It's a two-track CD. And one track is like 35 minutes, one is 45 minutes.

And it gets a bit shouty. I think it's – I'm really proud of it. It's very funny as well as being – and then it brings it around and it can get intense. It was an interesting live experience. You actually promoted the first weekend I did with this show, and then I spent a year and a half touring with it and doing stuff. And then we recorded it for the CD. Yeah, you did that show with our friend Bucky Sinister in San Francisco. Yeah, Bucky was so great.

Pastor and Jesse GoGast. Exactly. And you guys, you were so really cool to sponsor the show. And then I actually tied it all up and recorded the CD at the Dark Room in San Francisco where it all started. So that was nice. Oh, that's fantastic. So go to AST Records and check that out, astrecords.com. Or you go to mikechmidtcomedy.com and get a personalized version if you want me to sign it for you. Hey! That's right.

Yeah, you don't know me. I wouldn't want your signature. I mean, that's pretty good. Yeah, I think so. It was kind of AST to let me do that. Can I make a suggestion? Please do. If you don't think this is worth your time to go to Mike Schmidt comedy.com and get the personalized version signed to you.

Go on eBay and type in Mike Schmidt autograph and see what they go for. Oh, my God. Right. It's a lot more than Jordan Morris Jade. Yeah. I doubt that. Significantly more. We are in Portland and Seattle.

The what is it? The 23rd and 25th? 25th and 26th? That sounds right. 25th and 26th. Yeah, 25th and 26th. Of April. So buy your tickets now. Go to MaximumFund.org.

Don't wait until they sell out and then feel bad about it. And then I will be in Vancouver giving a talk at Simon Fraser University that Monday and presenting a program we are calling Jesse Thorne and his podcast pals. The reason we are calling it this is because Stop Podcasting Yourself did a show that they got paid for that had an exclusivity window. And so they are guests on my show and not being billed as Stop Podcasting Yourself. But it will be Stop Podcasting Yourself and me, two of them and one of me. So you can guess what kind of show it will tend towards. How about that for an explanation of what that show in Vancouver is going to be like?

And Stop Podcasting Yourself will be joining us on both of those other dates, too. We've got some good guests for those shows, don't we? Oh, yes, absolutely. In Portland, Oregon, we will be joined by the great Luke Burbank from TBTL, Too Beautiful to Live, and the public radio show Live Wire, which was just signed by PRI. Check it out. Good work, Luke Burbank. And in Seattle, we will be joined by the great John Roderick of the Long Winters, frontman of the band the Long Winters, and from the Roderick on the Line podcast with our friend Merlin Mann, another show that's much more popular than ours. John Roderick, the hilarious and brilliantly talented sings like an angel.

Probably shouldn't be as funny as he is given how beautiful his voice is. It's a shame. It's a damn shame. He also shouldn't have a beautiful voice of the type that he has given that he's bigger than me in every way. Sure. No, I mean, nothing about that guy makes sense. Is he in Toddler Swim class? Nothing about that guy makes sense. He's not in the Toddler Swim class. Okay. I just wondered how you knew that information. Sure. No, I mean, nothing about that guy makes sense. Is he in toddler swim class? Nothing about that guy makes sense. He's not in the

toddler swim class. Okay, I just, I wondered how you knew that information. Gotcha. We want to thank our friends at Simple for sponsoring this week's program.

Simple, rebuilding banking from the ground up the way it should be, putting people before policies and helping you find clarity in your finances. You can skip the wait list at simple.com slash jjgo.

One more thank you. Yeah. Hulu Plus. Oh, God, yes. Thanks to Hulu Plus where you can skip the wait list at simple.com slash JJ Go one more thank you yeah Hulu Plus oh god yes thanks to Hulu Plus where you can binge on thousands of hit shows anytime

anywhere get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to huluplus.com slash JJ Go huluplus.com slash JJ Go

that's all we got Brian's Brian Fernandez Sonny D on the boards our theme music is Love You by the Free, courtesy of the free design and light in the attic records. Um, look, we're going to go to this novelty football game. We'll talk to you next week on Jordan, Jesse go.

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