Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 325: Frenching with Tony Camin and Carol Kolb

Episode Date: May 19, 2014

Comedian Tony Camin and comedy writer Carol Kolb join Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Facebook, Jordan's Texas wedding trip, and the upcoming BoatParty.biz.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take coffee, shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. How you doing, Jordan? I'm doing great, Jesse. You're not wilting? No, I'm not wilting. I got myself a nice case of La Croix's.

Uh-huh, I don't know what that is. It's like a sparkling water with a little flavor in it. Is that like a French sparkling water? It is. I usually get a pumplemousse La Croix, but I decided to go with coconut this time. What's a pumplemousse? I think pumplemousse is French for grapefruit. Oh.

So it's a sparkling grapefruit? Yeah. Sounds great. It was delicious. I'm trying to use this heat wave we're having to try some new beverages. French ones? Mm-hmm. And, you know, just in general, like European beverages.

Can I ask you a question? I don't want this to come off wrong. Please don't. Make it come off wrong. You can ask the question, but make it come off right is what I'm saying. Why are you only drinking asshole beverages? Well, I mean, I've just started to like hate freedom, you know? Right.

It's just like it just it bothers me. Everybody's walking around. No, my dreams. I want to achieve them. You can. I want to be. Horatio. Sure.

Upwardly mobile. I'm going to start in one social class and move up to another one. I've had a lot of problems lately with wanting the government to get into my business. You want the minute more? Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean I hear you. That's why – I'm starting by drinking French sodas.

Right. And then I think I can move on to them willy-nilly, just kind of messing with my health care and telling me when I need to take a siesta. Right. Sure. Assigning me a mistress. I am really – actually, I'm kind of looking forward to that. The mistress assignation? Yeah, yeah.

I'm especially looking forward to that. An assignation with an assigned mistress. Yeah. The assignation of a mistress An assignation with an assigned mistress? Yeah. The assignation of a mistress for assignation? Yeah. They really put the ass in assignation. The French government.

Let's introduce our guests on the program who have been so politely waiting while we did... I don't even know what the... I'm not sure what the premise of that bit that we just did was. The premise was I have started drinking French sparkling water. Because you want to be more of an asshole. Because I've started to hate America. Yeah.

Okay. Let's see. On the left, we have a beloved stand-up comedian, one of the originators of the marijuana logs. They just started Frenching. Frenching.

Frenching. Frenching. Mr. Tony Kameen. I have a soda you guys would enjoy. Hi, guys. Thanks for having us. It's great to have you. And Frenching with Tony Kameen.

Only a moment ago, she is a beloved comedy writer. Most recently on the television programs. Number one, Community. The late and lamented Community. Number two, Review with Mr. Andrew Daly. Forrest, it was named, character's name Forrest McNeil. Number three, Kroll Show with Kroll. And, of course, for many years she was associated with the satirical newspaper The Onion,

based in Madison, Wisconsin, and its television program The Onion Show. Or something close to that. Carol Kolb. It's a pleasure to have you here, Carol. Thank you for having me. Is that the first Frenching that's ever gone on in this booth, Jessie? Oh, it can't be. Maybe on air.

Yeah, I mean, it seems like they would turn off the mics before they Frenched for... Right? Have you and I ever Frenched in this booth? No. Hey, come on. We never Frenched in this booth. We only French in tents. With all this pumplemousse talk, I mean, come on.

Yeah. I did do that with the express purpose of making everyone horny. And this is a good booth to be horny in. Wee-wee. Hey, come back and see my podcast booth. That's a good line. That's a great line. I mean, if you're a modern woman who wants her clout score to go up, the line, will you come see my podcast booth, should.

You know what? A lot of people complained about acoustic reflection issues when I put in the mirrored ceiling. But I knew that it would pay off. I knew that it would pay off. And it has. Yeah. And in fact, if you guys could leave after we're done. Or not even after we're done.

Yeah. Or stand just outside that little window. Yeah. The viewing windows. Oh, great. And you could turn the gain up a lot during it. Yeah, yeah. Or stand just outside that little window. Yeah, the viewing windows. Oh, great. And you could turn the gain up a lot during it. Yeah, just turn up that gain. Sometimes these Tama boards, they got weak gain.

I am wilting, Jordan. I got no gas in the tank on account of the 100 plus degree temperatures. I hear it's snowing in Chicago. Here in Los Angeles, it's 103 degrees. You thought about maybe trying a new beverage? Taking this as a kind of a... Are you like a guerrilla marketer? Hey, I just had this great French beverage.

I'm getting $80 from La Croix. Just to bring it up in casual conversation. Are you aware that comedian Joe Mandy has some sort of beef with La Croix? I did see his La Croix beef. I didn't quite understand it. If there's every summer to have a beef with LaCroix, it would be Joe Mandy. Because he's a real American.

What's the beef? I don't know. Or a buff, if you will. I think he named himself the unofficial promoter of the sparkling beverage, but then maybe they like refused his promotion. Or refused to air space for him or some kind of. I think that just went down because we have

a deal, LaCroix and I. So you represent LaCroix now. Yeah, again, unofficially. But are you just grapefruit or do you have all the citrus? Oh, all the flavors. I mean, I just had my first citrus? Oh, all the flavors. Yeah, all the flavors. I just had my first coconut today. I got the case.

I've tried that. Very good. Pretty tasty, huh? Yeah. It's like a tropical getaway. Do you feel like you're slumming it, though, when you're consuming a European imported sparkling water beverage out of a can? You know what? That's a good one, Jesse. I don't believe it is imported.

Is it? I don't think it's a French product, is it? That's a good – yeah, I believe it is imported is it i don't think it's a french product is it that's a good yeah i don't know if the friend they just gave it a french name to you know make it more like lacrosse wisconsin isn't in france paris texas not in paris not in i i wanted something that was produced in the occupied territories so i went with a SodaStream. Is that a Puerto Rican product, SodaStream? The Anwar provinces? Where do you get a SodaStream? Jordan, that is a serious question, though. Well, I'd put it in a glass with some ice.

Ooh la la. What's that? Like a glass is like, well, you know, I guess it wasn't a glass. It was a plastic tumbler. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I deceived you all. You put it in a red Dixie cup. Yeah.

You just put it in. And then you point it. You took a picture of yourself pointing to it. And then I got in trouble with my RA. Hey, cue that Toby Key song about the red cup. Red solo cup. Yeah. So, yeah, I put it in.

I have a red plastic tumbler. Put it in there with some ice. Refreshing beverage. How do you guys feel about this situation? The two of you moved not all that long ago from the East Coast, New York City. How do you feel about the fact that you have come here to a place where it's 103 degrees in May? You know, New York was horrible, too. New York, I mean, it would get so humid during the summer and it would stink.

You know, at least here, it's not like piles of garbage and rats. Why do they pile their garbage in New York? garbage and rats. Why do they pile their garbage in New York? Is there an extra, because of all the things that Bloomberg worked on during the 25 years he was president of New York, why did he not address the issue of garbage being in piles? Well, I mean, isn't it the mob? Like, isn't, isn't. I mean, it's not the mob? Like, isn't, isn't. I mean.

The legitimate businessman. Yes. Yeah. It's their thing. Yeah. Who else is going to take it? I mean, I don't think they can mess with the way that garbage is dealt with because. Well, he should have just outlawed garbage.

I mean, that would have been. Oh, wait a minute. I could, I could have garbage, but I can't have a big soda. Is that. Yeah. That's what a New Yorker would say. Hey, I'm folding my slice over here. Global warming, it's snowing, for Christ's sakes.

Yeah, right. Yeah, that's a good point, because Bloomberg is, you know, apparently was a pretty green mayor, you know, overall. He had never been mayor before. He'd just been mayor of bloomberg enterprises yeah uh but uh you know he was pre-did a lot of good things but uh it definitely smells i don't think you can do anything about the urine smell like i'm gonna repeal the urine smell it's like renting a cat apartment yeah like the urine is just in there and then you just you put that spong, wet dampness in the summer.

Yeah, there are certain streets in the village that you, like the East Village, that you just have to avoid because for some reason they just smell so bad. You get one of those swimming. But they have the best punk rock clubs, those streets. That's a really good point, Tony. Yeah, thanks. You know, I feel like if the bathroom is too clean, I don't feel like I've gone to a cool enough rock club. Right, guys? Oh, there's no shit smeared on anything.

Sell out. I love talking about bathrooms and clubs being gross. Yeah. Anyway, cocaine. Snort. Yeah. Whoa, I didn't know it was that kind of party. Oh, yeah.

You can, yeah, feel free to do some blow, but you have to say snort so the audience knows. By the way, Jesse, you look great for someone who's like sweltering in heat. You look like, oh, we're going to just lift off the yacht any day. Yeah. Thank you, guys. That's very kind of you. I I today is my first day that I downgraded from shorts. When I wear shorts, I have a lot of shorts for a guy that hates shorts. But I wear shorts. I view it as a concession, like a full concession. I see it as being a sign that I have released my dignity like a dove at a wedding. You know what I mean? And it's flying away.

How do we come back with that, Jordan? Oh, yeah? Nice to get a little breeze back with that, Jordan? Oh, yeah. Nice to get a little breeze on your balls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice to get a little breeze on your I was thinking when we were coming, like, I don't think I've ever seen Jesse dressed down, you know, and I wonder how he's handling the heat. Right. He's not wearing socks. I see that. Yeah. I'm wearing socklets. Oh, you are wearing socklets. I'm wearing no-seams. Okay. By the same people who bring you this French water. Yeah.

No-see-ums. Yeah. They're actually coconut socklets, which is the first time I've tried it. It's very refreshing. Oh, Mandy's had it for months. Do you know about terrycloth insoles for your shoes? What? Tell us about those.

Yeah, that sounds great. It sounds absorbent. It's a shoe insole that's made out of a towel. I don't know how they do this. To sop up your foot sweat? To sop up your foot. And you can toss it in the wash. Oh, wow.

So you got your Vans or what have you. In your case, Jordan, you got some Vans on. You got no seams under there? I don't. It's just pure barefoot. Yeah, so what the problem is is you're not going to get a lot of breathing down in the bottom. That's true. And you're going to get a lot of bacteria.

Yeah, you're going to get bacteria. You're going to have to deal with athlete's foot. Oh, boy. Yeah. You know, it's going to be a John Madden situation. I do like to put a little gold bond in there. Oh, you put a little gold bond? Yeah, throw a little gold bond in there.

You do? Mm-hmm. Does that repeatedly, like every day? Maybe like once or twice a week. Do you have a problem with buildup? Yeah, I definitely have a little problem with buildup. So what do you do? You get in there with a toothbrush?

Scrape it out? Yeah, I mean, you know, just have the cat lick it. Oh, jeez. It's medicated, Jordan. It's a treat. It's medicated. That's why Gold Bond comes in liver. Right, yes, exactly.

Trick the old kitty. It's the overuse of these medicated powders is the reason why you can't, you know, like people are becoming resistant to regular powders. So you're suggesting

that Gold Bond medicated powder, the medication in it is penicillin? Well, yeah, they're over-medicating us. Oh, we're all getting old, huh? In our 20s, we're like,

hey, what do you use for your foot thing? We've all got a getting old, huh? In our 20s, we're like, hey, what do you use for your foot thing? We've all got a foot thing, right? Hey, they got these terry cloth things. Hey, Spider, where you going? That's my idea of a punk rock guy's name. Oh, yeah, sure. They have real edgy names, these punkers.

I love this bathroom. It's really dirty. Yeah, it's really dirty. It feels right at home. What do you do for your goiters? I knew a guy named Spider. When I back, I used to do press junkets and red carpets and that sort of thing. And the guy who did all of that stuff for FearNet, which I guess is like a deep cable network for horror movies.

Yeah, I feel like that's owned by Mark Cuban. Yeah, it probably is. His name was Spider, and he was in the band Power Man 5000. Oh, really? And the brother of Rob Zombie. Oh, wow. They were actually a pretty fun man. I don't remember anything other than that they were named Power Man 5000.

You know, I used to do junkets. And there was a guy who worked for SoapNet, which is a soap opera network, and he was named MC 3000-foot Jesus. What was that? Wait a minute. The rapper who had my head's in a box? Yeah. MC 900-foot Jesus. 900-foot Jesus.

See, if I had been able to, with conviction, say MC 900-foot Jesus, it could have landed. You're Master of Ceremon see 900-foot Jesus. It could have landed. Your Master of Ceremonies 900-foot Jesus. That's what that stands for, right? Got it. And FT in the name stands for foot. We pronounced it just to make things easier for you. Right, right. For those of you listening at home.

How do two of you guys like Los Angeles generally? You're a married couple of comedy professionals. Well, I'm returning to Los Angeles generally, you're a married couple of comedy professionals. Well, I'm returning to Los Angeles. In fact, I met Carol my first night in New York City. Really? Sweet. You got off the bus at Grand Central Station. I was at Ellis Island, changing my last name, and I see this German broad.

I was out there looking for a husband, Yeah. Just waiting for someone to come up. And I see you're waiting for a foreign rube. I take my suspenders and my apples. I can hoodwink this guy. And I was hoodwinked. It's good, you know, I mean. Pros and cons, pros and cons. Yeah, L.A. is definitely an easier place to live than New York.

And we're old and boring now, so why not come here? Carol, you worked at The Onion even before they were based in New York, right? Yeah. So you came out from the Middle West. Yeah, with The Onion, right. But you were excited to come out to New York because it's the land of opportunity. Exactly. I heard the streets were paved with gold, and I'm going to get some of that gold.

No, but didn't you guys practically demand it? Yeah, we did. We basically, you know, we all came to The Onion when we were in college, and then we were there, and we were still living in the place where we went to college, and we loved working for The Onion, but then we didn't want to be in that city anymore where, you know, we just kept getting older and everyone else in the city just, you know, was always like 21 and under. So we said, please, can we move to New York and we will try to, you know, make the company more money by being in New York, you know, so.

It was the same thing with me and Jordan in Santa Cruz. We finally left, although recently the owner of Jordan, Jesse Go, has announced plans. Mark Cuban. Moved the whole staff back to Pacific Avenue in Santa Cruz. It's like a cost thing. I don't understand. Is this an analogy to The Onion? Both good schools.

Both good schools. Both good schools. Yeah. Now, when you guys went to Santa Cruz, was there – did they still have the weird grading system where it's like you're cool or you're not cool? I think I was the last class to get the option of grading or pass-fail. I think now they just do grades. It was a narrative evaluation. Sure. So when you got a pass-fail, when you took a pass-fail class, what you got was essentially a description, a written description, a couple of paragraphs of how you did in class. But, I mean, also they had a very broad description of narrative, too. So it could be anything.

It could have been a collage based on how you did. It could have been a short film. Maybe a decoupage. Yeah. Or a dance. If you were trying to get into, like, a grad school, your professor would have to go before the board and do the interpretive dance. Right. Right. You did. Yeah. Ultimately, the problem was graduate schools were having problems, especially like engineering science graduate schools. stuff, which was actually the stuff that UCSC was best at, all of that science-y stuff, all of the professors just started giving narrative evaluations in quotes where they would just say, he did a project and it was excellent, which meant A. And then he took

a test and he did very good, which meant B. Like there was literally excellent was A, very good was B, good was C, satisfactory was D or something like that. And then they were like, well, why are we still doing this? Yeah, it just seems like it's a waste of a professor's time. They figured out a shorthand for it. And then the rest of the world has a shorthand for it called A, B, C. Yeah, well, I mean, I think there was a time. But I still have the dream catcher my comparative lit teacher made for me.

But right in the middle it says B+. Right, exactly. I actually had a UC Santa Cruz related incident the other day. You stepped on a banana slug. I did. You got totally baked. I was invited to host some sort of alumni event here in Los Angeles, which I'm ill-qualified to do. I think if you're – here's a good rule of thumb when inviting people to host things like charity galas or whatever.

Ask yourself the question, does this person have an act? And if the answer is no, don't invite that person. Right, right. Because otherwise you're asking them to create an act for the purposes of hosting a thing. But you're an eloquent speaker. Yeah, but I mean, I'm not going to be able to extemporaneously weave a yarn on the subject of the glories of... You do realize that this is what happens every time you ask me to do something. There's no reason for me to be here. But please continue.

Where was the alumni event? You know, some kind of fancy hotel. Okay. You know, it was like there was three professors, and each was going to speak about some area of the natural sciences, something, something, something. Your wheelhouse. It happened to be the same weekend as MaxFunCon. So I was like, oh, thank God. I don't have to go happened to be the same weekend as MaxFunCon. So I was like, oh, thank God. I don't have to go.

It's the same weekend as MaxFunCon. I don't have to worry about whether I should say yes to this. Because on the one hand, I would like to be gracious. And, you know, while I have no great passion for UC Santa Cruz, I also bear no animus towards it. It's a great place to meet Jordan. That's a pretty singular experience. They don't have that on their brochure.

It's actually just me. It's me reading on the quad and waving. Hey guys, it's a great place to meet a guy like Jordan. So I politely declined and said I have another obligation, which was actually true. And then literally

and they had asked me this on Facebook. I guess just they looked me up on Facebook, some person from the alumni department. Do you think maybe they were like trying to fuck? Yeah. Did I mention that part? You didn't. Yeah. There's three professors, natural sciences.

I said that part, right? Uh-huh. I said gala event fundraising at a fancy hotel. I said that part. Yeah, yeah. And. And I said gala event fundraising at a fancy hotel. I said that part. Yeah, yeah. And then did I say the part about the masks and the fucking? No, see, that's the part you didn't actually say that part. I didn't mention the masks.

I mean, I feel it was implied. No, I didn't. I don't feel he had to say it. I didn't get it. I don't think Jordan got it. I got it. Yeah, there's masks and fucking. Okay.

So anyway, like a few weeks later, I posted on Twitter a tweet just because it was sort of marinating in my mind, this sort of odd situation where like I have warm feelings towards our college radio station and Santa Cruz was a perfectly decent place to go to college. But I posted on Twitter a tweet that said, I'm starting to feel worried that my college thinks I'm proud I went there. Which I mostly just posted because I liked the idea of it as a joke more than because I'm ashamed. That's a great joke, yeah. But my Twitter automatically connects to my Facebook and it posted on my Facebook.

And like a couple of people like clicked like on it or whatever and then posted little comments about how they're embarrassed of their college or whatever. And then just the person who had emailed me before said, all you need to do is email me and I will remove you from the list. Oh, boy. is email me and I will remove you from the list. Oh. Oh, boy. And the great thing about that school is the administration knew how to take a joke. Yeah. I was like, oh, man. I think something that is so different

about Twitter and Facebook and just about how a comedian or whatever uses it is that, like, I'm also worried also worried that like my twitter pushes to my facebook and like that my aunts won't understand that what i'm talking about is a joke right yeah i've stopped posting my twitter to my facebook because i for that exact reason like i feel now facebook is is for me to like communicate with like my uncle in wisconsin yeah and twitter is is not you know and family like when the Paula Deen thing was happening, I was a dumb joke real quick, more like Paula Mean,

and her sister's name Paula. I was like, what? Back up. That is not a dumb joke. That is biting satire. This is still the first five minutes of the thing going. Oh, sure. Slow down, Jonathan Swift.

And the Mean was capitalized. Yeah, and Paula saw it. And her sister Paula was like, well, what did I do? You know, it was just like, well, you know, you can't – you really can't win. Let us explain. A joke is something that you say that you don't actually mean that you're trying to be funny and make people laugh. And Paula is like the sweetest gal you're ever going to meet. ever again i think the real question for me is just like what will my mom and my aunt deb like from my twitter feed like my mom is a total wild card my mom the only thing you're gonna say wild

cat i'm so glad the only thing the only thing i can be sure that my mom will support is if I post something about our Max Fun colleague, Jasper Red. Jasper Red, the host of The Goose Down, like, she has been Jasper's biggest fan for, like, 15 years. So if there's anything J-Red related, I know that she'll give it a like. Otherwise, she might post a query about a joke, which is not how you respond to a joke. But that's how moms respond to a joke.

And then one thing I've learned about my aunt is, like my aunt will post, my Aunt Deb, I really like my Aunt Deb, and she will post like a going around the internet web cartoon type thing that any normal 65-ish year old woman might post on Facebook. Maybe some joke about your boobs reaching down to your knees or something like that. Love those. Then sometimes she'll really surprise me. The other day, I was actually in Washington, D.C. for a meeting at National Public Radio, and my aunt lives in Washington, D.C., so I went to visit her. And I mentioned that she's like, oh, who have you had on your show lately?

And I said, well, I just had a really great interview with this guy called Terry Crews. And I thought, I'm going to have to explain who Terry Cruz is. I'm going to have to say he used to be a football player and now he's on a sitcom. And my aunt goes, I love Terry Cruz. And I was like, what? My suburban aunt is all about Terry Cruz. Apparently

she loves Brooklyn Nine-Nine. America loves Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Does it? Yeah-Nine. Does it? Yeah, I think so. Really? Yeah, I think it I think America likes Brooklyn Nine-Nine a lot. She also loves... It's enough to keep it a show. She also loves Jay Leno. See, that's, now that's

now I can see why you think that's so funny about your aunt liking Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Like, what is the explanation? Like, what is my aunt, where is my aunt coming from? The other day I posted about a great interview coming up on my show, Something, Something, Something. And I mentioned that I had interviewed. Oh, I said we have a great show for next week. It's going to be John Oliver.

This will be this week as you hear this show. John Oliver and Arsenio Hall. Great. And she wrote underneath it, loveio exclamation mark it's like wait my aunt well i guess she's so excited to see an interview with elder barge what is that about it's on during the day oh this is for your aunt uh jasper ed was on arsenio this week so you might want to yeah there you go that's for your aunt jr was on ourio this week, so you might want to – There you go. That's for your aunt. JR was on Arsenio. Jordan, are you Facebook friends with your – like your mother's family in Texas and stuff?

Yeah, yeah. My – and yeah, and I've just had to like – like I want to – I rarely post anything sincere on the internet. I don't think it's the place for it. I think it's distasteful to be sincere on the internet. I agree. So yeah, I mean most think it's the place for it. I think it's distasteful to be sincere on the internet. So yeah, I mean, most of my internet output is just jokes. And I've had to just accept that my

aunts and cousins will see some jokes about eating pussy. They're just, they're gonna see it, and maybe they won't like it, but I see them once a year if that, so you know. When they don't say anything, I find myself looking at it on Facebook and thinking like, who saw that? What did they make of it? You know what I mean?

I did post a rare, sincere Facebook post the other day. I got on my birthday this year, I got my WGA card in the mail, which was a great, you know, a goal achieved. It came on my birthday. Writers Guild of America. Yeah, very... Great union.

Great insurance. Sure, yeah. I'm looking forward to that insurance. So yeah, I definitely was like, oh, this is like really significant and this is, you know, there's, this is packed with meaning, so why not?

It'll be fun. So I, you know, kind of put a picture of the card and just said like, hey, thanks for all the great birthday wishes. This also happened today. Very cool. It's going to be a great year. And my aunt posted like – and I could tell that like she didn't understand what that was, but it was just like, I hope you're having a great birthday. We're thinking of you over here slash LOL. So I'm like, wait, you're not thinking of me?

Yeah. But I think she got you on that one. He won't even know. We're not thinking of you, asshole. Come on. We're over here in Louisiana doing whatever. It took me managing my Facebook because for a long time I had a policy, which was if someone's going to take the time to find me on Facebook and add me as a friend, I'm not saying anything on Facebook. I'm not comfortable saying in public anyway, so I'll just say yes.

And then I stopped doing that because I realized I had, you know, whatever, 2,500 Facebook friends and of them I knew 50. And so I never saw anything that related to me at all on Facebook. And so then I started just when something would show up from someone. Well, first I made a list. Then they changed the rule somehow and it completely invalidated like three hours of work on my part. But I started like ignoring people that I didn't actually know in real life. I changed the rules somehow and it completely invalidated like three hours of work on my part. But I started like ignoring people that I didn't actually know in real life. So they can see my thing but I'm not going to find out when their dog had puppies or whatever.

And I put a lot of time into that. And so at this point, like there's – my Facebook is actually moderately usable for the first time in years, literally years. But I have had a few oldsters getting involved in it. One of them is a friend of my dad's from my dad's veterans activism days, my childhood and uh this guy named bob and bob was always my favorite of my dad's vet friends although that is a very slim distinction because they mostly terrified me um because they were all getting together to discuss the fact that they were crazy veteran alcoholics like deer hunter stuff yes exactly that is literally what they were getting together yeah fun for a kid to be around and um but bob was always very

genial um and he will a lot of times he'll post something that's sort of supportive but also sort of like a guy that would call into a pacifica radio station late at night um like i posted a i posted a joke that was i would never delete my pictures my my web photos of me and solange and i posted a picture of me and bob newhart and he posted underneath there one of the only good people in television well number one it's been television for a while yeah but I don't know what to do with that because I don't want. Once or twice I've, like, removed them. But I don't. I feel like he knows if I remove it, right?

Well, can you just let it. Why do you want to remove it? Yeah, can you just, like, let it be for the beauty that it is? Yeah. Like, enjoy my dad's friend. Yeah. Like, she has an uncle. Oh, my Uncle Roger is the best.

She has an Uncle she has an uncle. Oh, my Uncle Roger is the best Facebook uncle. He posts these messages, all caps, no punctuation. Several sentences. So he's always yelling at you. It seems like he's yelling at you. I wonder about that middle-aged person on Facebook in all caps. How does that happen? I don't know.

Do you think it looks better? Because you have to actively hit caps, right? He's been berated for it. And like, tell about the history. I can see it accidentally happening once, but it seems like that's a kind of 50, 60 year old. I think maybe just the caps lock got pushed once. It's just easing out all of his typing.

But he's so great because he just always posts things like, about to go outside and look for the eagle that's in the backyard. I'm also putting a few steaks on the grill and having a Kessler and squirt. Can't. Good to be me. Yeah, good to be me. Like, he's actually like. They found the polyp. This isn't good.

And then he has fans from all over. Like, he has a bunch of fans. So, wait, he's looking for an eagle? Is he going to trap and kill it? They live in the middle of Wisconsin. They just live in Wisconsin on the flowage, which I don't know exactly what a flowage is, but it's some sort of body of water. Yeah, and he just posts the best messages about heading out to go fishing on the flowage problem.

I'm pretty sure the flowage is just like a low point right behind a chemical point. It's like where the irrigation streams go. It's, you know, he lives in a pretty little house there on the flowage. American flags everywhere. Right, right. They have an American flag bathroom. Yeah, which if you don't have one, you really shouldn't. What elements of it? I mean, you wouldn't want an American flag toilet, right? I, if you don't have one, you really should. What elements of it?

I mean, you wouldn't want an American flag toilet, right? I think that's illegal, right? I think. Was there a whole Mr. Show about it? That's Antonin Scalia would personally hunt you down. Yeah. Literally everything except for the mirror and the toilet is American flag pattern. I feel weird.

I feel unpatriotic and patriotic going there. It would be awesome if the mirror was like, you know those kind of like Time Man of the Year mirrors where it makes you look like you're Man of the Year in Time magazine? It's like that, only it makes you look like you're an American flag. I mean, that's the dream of every patriotic American to someday become a flag. And I guess the technology involved in that would just be instead of a mirror, it's a picture of an American flag. Oh, they could do that. They could do that. They could totally do that.

Oh, yeah. I think they probably could. Okay, look. All right, look. We can talk. We can find out more about Uncle Roger in just a minute when we come back on Jordan, Jesse, Go. Hey, Ross. Hey, Carrie.

Hey, it's me, your co-host. Oh, yeah. We have a show, don't we? We have a show. Oh, no, Ross and Carrie. Oh, no, Ross and Carrie. It's about undercover investigations of fringe groups. Yeah the tony alamo ministries cult yep that's led by a pedophile he's in jail he's in jail also we became mormons we became railians which is a ufo group that's

right we joined the ordo templi orientis yes the 9-11 truthers we got cups we got acupunctured we got reiki we've pretty much anything that you've heard of and been like, that doesn't sound quite right, we've done that. So you don't have to do it. So if you want to hear about this, and you should, then go to MaximumFun.org. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Tony. Carol.

Kameen Kolb. That's all they commanded. Tony couldn't even get out his last name. Tony Kameen, let's go. Yay. There you go. See, that's fun. Let's go. I don't want to get hotter by doing that.

You should sit still and speak as monotonely as possible. Okay. So last week on the program, Nick Adams sat in for you, Jordan, because you were out of town. And I honestly couldn't remember why you were out of town. Yeah. Why were you out of town? I was at a wedding in Marfa, Texas. Oh, it's an art town.

It is. Yeah, I guess that's a good way to describe it as an art town. Is it like a school town? So what you do is you fly into El Paso if you're getting there from L.A. And do not fly into New York City. Yeah, definitely don't fly to New York City. I mean, you're just – The cabbie's going to rape you.

Yeah, sure. Folks there do not know what salsa should taste like. I get it. I get it. So you fly into El Paso. it uh so you fly into el paso uh so i got in i so i kind of left after work and uh got into el paso at like 10 p.m and rented a car and marfa is about three hours away from el paso that's like the closest thing like the yeah that's the nearest thing to marfa and el paso correct me if i'm wrong is not a great thing el paso uh i don't know it some nice barbecue at El Paso on my way back to the airport.

Oh, well, that's good. My El Paso experience is positive. There are some other things in between. All too out. No, there are no other things in between. Deer skulls. Oh, that's true. I mean, there were like literal vultures on corpses and tumbleweeds.

I take it back. It sounds great. Yeah, right? You should really see these vultures on corpses and tumbleweeds. I take it back. It sounds great. Yeah, right? You should really see these vultures pick these bones. I mean, they're great. Anyway, I love those guys. Clean as a whistle. So, yeah, so.

Hubba hubba. If you live there, it's probably a big show. So, yeah, so you just drive three hours and, you know, there's nothing. Once you get past, you know, the water burgers, the miles and miles of water burgers, there's just nothing. And so as I'm driving, I was thinking about the notion in my head that I have about aren't hotels open all the time? Like I had

booked my hotel room for that night thinking that okay I'm probably going to get in about one in the morning so but that's what a hotel is right? You just walk up and there's someone at the desk and somebody sits there all night and then you get a room. Oh maybe in Los Angeles. Right.

I know. Maybe in Hollywood, California, where, you know, the stars are cavalcating to the Oscars. But yeah, but I just kind of thought to myself, like, oh, what if like what if that's not the case? Well, I mean, you would be able to make your way around even if there weren't streetlights from what I understand deep in the heart of Texas, stars at night are bigger than you. I knew that was coming. Yeah. Hold on.

There's a mosquito in here. Anyway. As long as you don't mess with Texas. Yeah, yeah. Right. As long as you're not messing with it. So, yeah. Did you call?

So, from the road, I – and, like, the route my phone gave me to Marfa. Have you guys ever seen Waiting for Guffman? Yes. So it's a small town and they're planning their bicentennial or sesquicentennial or something like that. And when they're planning it, there's this great sign in the background. It says parade route and it's just an arrow that goes over and an arrow that goes down. That's basically what my GPS said, like just drive 100 miles in this direction, turn right, and then drive 100 miles in that direction. Right.

So I called and no answer at this hotel that I'm supposed to be staying at. And this is like 11 o'clock at night. It's like 11 o'clock at night. So you're feeling good at this point. And they gave me this other number to call. And I called that number and it was just somebody's voicemail. Brad or something. And then I left the voicemail.

It was just like, hey, this is Brad. Marfa. Give a message. Yeah. That's where I live. Hi, this is the Hilton Marfa. No one's in right now, but here's Brad's number. Yeah.

So it's called the hotel I was staying at. It was called the Thunderbird, and it's a kind of boutique-y little 10-room situation. Did it have a theme? Fortified wine? No. Yeah, I know. I thought it would be grain alcohol. Now, that's a good niche.

Yeah. Yeah. No. This is fortified wine. That's a whole new thing. It seems like a good niche for a while until the competition moves in. Once you have to worry about – Oh, night train across the street.

Yeah, exactly. I think the theme of the hotel was do you teach yoga classes in Austin? Where would you like to stay at a hotel for the weekend, like if you were going somewhere? So I texted a buddy of mine who was going to be at the wedding, and I said, hey, I don't know if I'm – I don't know if my hotel will be open. What are you guys doing? And they had an Airbnb. So he's like, we're all going to sleep.

Here's this address. If your hotel is not open, come to this Airbnb. So I'm driving, and I guess something about Marfa is that there is a – oh, gosh. It's a company that's famous for making women's shoes. Prada, I want to say. What is Prada famous for? Shoes, handbags? Everything.

They're a fashion brand. Dresses to handbags to, yeah. I'm probably getting the brand wrong, but they have, just on the way to Marfa, in the middle of nowhere, there is a Prada store. And I don't know if anyone mans it. I think it's just there for art purposes. Oh, it's not one of those you trust yourself with a checkout? Yeah, yeah know if anyone mans it. I think it's just in there for art purposes. Oh, it's not one of those. You trust yourself with a checkout.

Yeah. No one mans it. Yeah. Like at CVS, you scan it and then you put it in the bag. So that's the first thing I like see is that, and it's all lit up and it looks terrifying. I mean, I'm sure it's cute and charming in the daytime, but it's just this, um, you know, beacon with two shoes in the window. And it's the only thing I've seen for an hour so that was kind of strange um so i get in this hotel is absolutely closed there's no one there you know it's and the whole place is closed and uh uh it it is as starless a night as you've seen it's

pitch black there are no street lights i mean this place is, you know, it's super, super deserted. Fucking song lied. I know. I'm sorry. I'm considering forgetting the Alamo. That's how mad I am. Oh, boy. That's how mad I am. Maybe there's a class action thing you could.

The stars aren't, you know. So it's terrifying, and I was listening to. Pretty soon you'll be paying your legislators a full-time wage. Pretty soon you'll be paying your legislators a full-time wage. I was listening to – I was catching up on Fresh Air episodes and I was listening to this – to one of their dudes talk about the – you know, one of those dudes that's not Terry Gross? Their staple of dudes? Like a David Bianculli. Like a David Bianculli. I actually think they don't have any dudes over there.

Yeah. It's all – Yeah. It's all gentlemen. Yeah. It's all gentlemen. They were talking about the like historical significance of godzilla and so they were like as i was driving through this place they were

just playing the original score and godzilla's roar like for you to enjoy so it was like it was terrifying um so i i put in my buddy's address for this Airbnb, and it's on this just like pitch black street, and I can't see any of the numbers on the houses. Did you go to the hotel first? I went to the hotel first. Nothing. You missed that part? All black.

They didn't have a sign on the door that said they called Brad? No. Yeah, I didn't. Yeah, I called Brad again, left another message, called again, person no yeah i didn't yeah i called brad again left another message called again left another message didn't know what to do so i drove there and i you know like i'm scared and i guess i'm just like realizing how much i've bought into the like horror movie narrative of uh city folk come to the country and get murdered by rednecks i'm just looking out for murderous rednecks at every turn.

Maybe because there's a problem. That's on me, though. It's on you. That's totally on me. I bet you hid your French water under the seat. Oh, yeah. I did not want them to see my pump of mousse le quoi. Budweiser, guys.

Just having a drinking and driving here. Definitely not sparkling water. Fake Budweiser rap that he puts around his car. Right, exactly. It's like when a little kid puts a comic book in their Bible for church. And so there's nothing on the street that's lit up, but there's one house where all the lights are on. And I'm like, oh, this has got to be it, right? Like they've left the lights on for me.

My friend's Tom Bodette, I should mention. Sure. I'm super bros with Tom Bodette. So I like – and the door's unlocked. So I go to this place and I open the door and I'm standing in this living room. Everything's lit up. Wait. So the lights were on but you did not check the number.

I looked everywhere for a number on this house and the ones next to it. There was just nothing. So I'm in this living room and it's filled with toys like kids toys like just everywhere and i'm like this this is wrong this feels wrong one o'clock in the morning by now it's 1 30 yeah and how long did you spend like should i go in there i mean i would have been i you know a while i definitely like sat in the car and like thought about like i'm like okay there's got to be another option like this isn't this is weird you yeah knocked on the door i i or you just went in i just went in it was unlocked well yeah um so i'm just standing in this living room every single light in this place is on there's kids toys i'm like oh i don't think when you rent an airbnb place there's like

kids there and they definitely don't leave like kid mess out. It's like, this is wrong. I'm going to leave. So I just, you don't think that there's kids there when you don't rent it and they, it comes with a, you're also going to watch these kids. Yeah. It comes with a petulant six year old. Right. Yeah.

Hey, you guys are in town for bumper shoot. Watch my kids. We've got a hot tub. Yeah. We've got washer dryer. Uh, so you're standing in this living room, right? I'm just standing in this person's living room for two minutes and just looking around for anything. I'm like, do I yell?

Like, do I say, hey, Evan, like, do I see if he'll come in? I didn't know what to do. So I just left. I was just too, too terrified. So I just left this guy's house and I looked at the house next to it. I'm like, maybe this is it. And there's this huge dog on the porch, just this huge, mean-looking dog.

So I'm like, well, this might be it, but I don't want to deal with this dog. So I... What's the music sound like at this point? Yeah. Is it like... Yeah, exactly. And for some reason, the Godzilla soundtrack is still playing on the podcast.

Is this one of those things that's the whole thing is like, I just slept in my car and this was a vivid dream? Yeah, I know. Exactly. I had fallen asleep on the road. I had drifted off. I had hit the dumpster behind a Whataburger. Yeah. So then I went, I typed in another hotel on Yelp.

I called them. No answer. I just drove out 10 minutes to where it was supposed to be. Just nothing. Like I got to the end point of the map and there was just nothing. I mean I just – yeah. How big is Marfa population-wise? Oh, boy.

Eight? Really? Because I've heard of it. Yeah, I know. It's a famous artist's colony. Yeah. So I think it is – yeah, I think it's this tiny town and there's like, I mean, I think artist's colony is an exaggeration. There are five artsy things.

There's like two galleries, like a guy who makes boots and like a beer garden. There's a community radio station. There is. Yeah, it's totally a community radio station. I walked by it. It was like just on their strip. Maybe they don't have numbers there. Yeah, I know. Maybe was like just on their strip. Maybe they don't have numbers there. Yeah, I know.

Maybe that's like the art thing. They just don't have numbers. So yeah, after I get there, they're like, you know, everybody's house is everybody's house. Yeah, exactly. So I drove back to the house. Oh, I thought you meant just even for business transactions. No, they just don't have numbers at all. What will you give me for this orange?

I'd like more of coin. That's actually a business. That's how... Handful of Washingtons, please. So you're scared in an artist community. Yeah, exactly. That's where the real shit goes now. But these are rural Texas artists.

They might be making chainsaw sculptures for all he knows. They could try and kill me inside of a converted Airstream. I don't need that. So I guess I'm in the middle of this terrifying desert. The hotel isn't there. So I drove back to the dog house next to the house that I had broken into. Not really.

It was open. It was open. It doesn't count as breaking in or unless you. But like in his Texas. So he could like shoot me like he could have shot. You can get shot. You could get shot. You could get shot, but technically he did not break in. That's true.

Sorry. I'm on your side. No, thanks. Thanks. I appreciate that. So I got there. I just walked past the scary dog that I was sure was going to bite me. Didn't bite me.

Seems like a nice dog. I just, oh, this door is unlocked. So this pitch black. You don't like to knock very much. I get, I get. Why no knock? Yeah, why no knock? You know, I don't know. I think I was just

crazy. I think I was like sleep deprived and terrified. I should have and I should have like called everybody and woken them up. I should have just said, hey, I'm sorry to wake you up. I'm having trouble finding it. For some reason, I'm like, can't wake anybody up. I don't know. It was just a weird politeness thing that I couldn't kick. Anyway, so I just went

in this house. Someone's in your house. I laid down on the couch. I just had convinced's in your house. Laid down on the couch. I just had convinced myself this was it. I laid down on the couch and went to sleep. You were able to go to sleep having no real idea if you were in the right home. None. I was so exhausted. I was just so, and I just like covered up with this little blankie.

And in the morning, that was it. I had picked the right house. Oh, wow. Good job. Thank you. Congratulations. Good job, Jordan. Oh, also I got up in the middle of the night and went and peed in their yard, too. So I was really glad that was the house.

Yeah, lovely wedding. Marfa is a hoot. It's a kind of a movie version of a small town with a handful of arty things that aren't open because the people open them when they feel like it. And, yeah, great wedding. And, yeah, great wedding. When they said, when they took the objections, they asked, did anybody object? A robot came out. A guy dressed like a robot and the groom fought the robot.

That gives you an idea to the vibe of this wedding. Sure. Funky. Funky wedding. It was funky. It was a little funky. As my mom would say. Exactly. Real funky.

Heartsy. Yeah. Yeah. So is Marfa. Marfa's a hoot. Anyway. That is a good story. It's an okay story.

I like that you are far too polite to call and wake anyone, and yet insufficient to consider the consequences of falling asleep. In a house. In a house. In a house. Or being discovered standing amongst a bunch of children's toys at 1.30 in the morning because you were too polite to knock. Right. And that was the solution all along. I should have just at some point called, apologized profusely for waking them up. But I don't know. I just thought I could do it.

I thought I'm like, I can do this. Anyway. Well, you did. I did do it. You did it. I did do it. You did it. I did do it. You did it. I didn't get shot.

A dog didn't bite me. Oh, and that dog is just the neighborhood dog. His name is Tic Tac. Everyone in town knows him. So, yeah. He's riddled with ticks. Yeah, exactly. He did not get it because of his fresh breath.

He got it because of his parasites. And thanks to the neighborhood kids, more than a few taps. Yeah. So, yeah, that's definitely like just, just, like, the vibe around there is there are roving neighborhood dogs that everyone puts food out for. Oh, that's just old Tic Tac. He won't harm you much. You don't even have teeth.

He'll bite you and kill you. Wait. I guess that's harming you. That's kind of how Austin, when I first was starting in comedy in 92, and I was Tom, people would, like, just leave the doors open, you know, and people would come. It was, you know, it was mid Tom. People would just leave the doors open, and people would come. It was the mid-'90s even, and it was just that kind of same vibe where people just didn't

even announce when friends would come over, and they would just come on in and stuff. It's a Texas thing. Sure. A Texas art community. Where are you from, Tony? I'm from Mountain View, California. Heard of it? Yeah, I've heard of Mountain View, California.

That's in the San Francisco area. Google it and see what comes up. Oh. Yeah. You should mention that Tony Kameen is Sergey Brin, the founder of Google. Yeah, and that's why I'm from Mountain View. Yeah, but basically San Francisco, I would say. As soon as I turned 18, I hightailed it up to San Francisco.

And then how long did you live in San Francisco? Most of my adult life until late 90s, I moved to Los Angeles. Right, because when we first started doing stuff in San Francisco, I feel like you were a fond memory in San Francisco. You were much talked about in San Francisco, but you weren't living there. A legend? There was the Tony Kameen Memorial Pepsi machine. When I first moved to L.A., I would come back to San Francisco because I was housed

in a comedy club. Right. And Cobbs was the best club, and they always had Jake Johansson and Kevin Riddell. Awesome. Prank the Dean. Prank the Dean. Legendary sketch comedy show. Yes, yeah.

I definitely – I didn't know you were part of that. Yeah, we – We did like two shows. Yeah, we comedy show. Yes, yeah. I definitely, I don't know. You were part of that? Uh, we, yeah, we. We did like two shows. Yeah, we did like two or three shows. Were you on any of the shows that we did at Cobb's? Me and Jim did a couple of shows without you. And this is the old Cobb's, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

With the semi-circle, beautiful little room. I was just talking to Emo. Like, that was a great time. So I was happy to drive up like once a month to still be the house I'm seeing because it was such a fun, you know. Compared to stage time in Los Angeles, it was a dream, you know. Smart audiences, great club. Which emo were you talking to? The music genre.

Emo. You're talking to the guys from Dashboard Confessional. So, yeah, I consider myself like San Francisco comics still, I guess. Then when and why did you move to New York? We moved with the Marijuana Logs. We got an offer to play off-Broadway for a certain amount of time, so we were paid, and we had places to live. They paid for everything.

Me, Doug Benson, and Arj Barker. We had a theater right in the village, so it was a great time. Right across from Sushi Samba. What is Sushi Samba? Is that where you can get a mango roll? It was like a... Brazilian sushi fusion. Sushi Samba! What is Sushi Samba? Is that where you can get a mango roll? It was like a... Brazilian sushi... Fusion.

It had been featured in Sex and the City, so it was just filled with, like, Sex and the City-type people who... Drinking cocktails. Who were there because they wanted to live. Diametrically opposed to the marijuana crowd. But also, these guys would go there every single night. We would go there because we knew...

They came to our show and they knew us. So we'd have two shows a night and rush over and they would hook us with like, here's some Raspberry Cosmos. Which were actually delicious, by the way. They were. They were pretty good. Yeah, pretty good. I like the idea that every night at the Marijuana Logs, the audience came and they were just like, oh, man. I bet that right before the show, these guys

had like three or four raspberry cocktails. You guys drink a lot of Cosmos. We used to get that question all the time. Are you guys really Cosmo'd out when you're up there? Yeah. Totally, bro. But that was a fun time and like I said, I met Carol.

So Carol, you just went out to opening night. No, no, we just went out to opening night. No, no. We did not meet at Marijuana Logs. She's like, finally, you're a Marijuana Logs groupie. You know, these onion kids. I was out there every day at the door just trying to get one of them to notice me. And then finally.

I said, how would you like a raspberry Cosmo? I know a guy. We met at Eating It, which was an alternative show. Yes. I went to see my friend Greg Proops, who was performing, and she was there drinking with her friend Joe Show. Another guy from south of San Francisco. Yes. San Carlos?

Yeah, San Carlos. The Ninsula. The Nints, we call it. Oh, did you? Yes. You called it the N Carlos. The Ninsula. The Nints, we call it. Oh, did you? You called it the Nints? The Nints. I had to go to, I had a while where I would have to go to Mountain View once a year when I worked for Fuel to go to the Rockstar Mayhem Tour. That is a middle.

Oh, at Shoreline? Yeah, at Shoreline. You remember that from growing up. Of course, you remember every year the Rockstar Mayhem Tour would come through town. Was Fuel in Santa Monica? I guess from the business that said Fuel on the side. Yeah, it was kind of near Santa Monica, yeah. So yeah, we would definitely, for some reason, it was one of those things that like wouldn't

come to LA, so that was like the closest, like it was a sponsorship obligation to go there, so we would have to go to the Shoreline Amphitheater once a year to see Cannibal Corpse. Sure. How are those guys doing? How are those guys doing? Stay in touch? Great. They're doing great. Say hi to Eddie for me. Yeah, I will. Eddie's good are those guys doing? How are those guys doing? Stay in touch? Great. They're doing great.

Say hi to Eddie for me. Yeah, I will. Eddie's good. I mean, the kids are good. I get really upset when the members of Slayer misinterpret my jokes on Facebook. It's tough because they're not in the comedy world. They always think they're... Them and your aunt, huh?

They always think I'm trying to say I'm more metal than they are. Oh, boy. You want Posey to work this out between you guys? Yeah, thank you. Okay, I'll... Can you get a mediator in here? Yeah. We'll get Brian Poseidon.

Let's get people on this. Yeah. So, any other funny weddings? Nope, just the one. I've got one next weekend. I'm going to a lot of... This is my third wedding this year. This is...

You're that age. I am, yeah. Actually, I'm having a second wave of it. I definitely had the, like, late 20s wave, and now I'm having... Post-collegiate wave. Early 30s wave, I guess. I'm sorry a second wave of it. I definitely had the like late 20s wave. Post-collegiate wave.

Early 30s wave, I guess. I'm sorry. I've got divorces. Yeah, a couple of divorces. Divorces looming. And are those fun parties to go to? No, that is a fun party. You know why?

Unlimited raspberry coffee. Isn't it amazing at a wedding? And this is something I've been noticing at the past few. It's so amazing how the friends from high school stick out. You can just, you just know who they are. Like, they're just this little clump of people looking uncomfortable.

Did you go to, where did you go to high school? In Orange County. So, yeah, and it seems to be across the board. The high school friends all just have that look on their face. Like social detats? Yeah, I mean, I guess I would be inclined to say, like, maybe they're a little, like, sleazier than the rest of the guests. And that's not always true.

They usually are, but even if they aren't sleazy, they definitely look out of place and maybe like they're considering stealing something. Right. And I think when I'm someone's high school friend at a wedding maybe like they're considering stealing something. Right. And I think when I'm someone's high school friend at a wedding, that's what I look like. Right. And when I'm not, I maybe don't. Because the stakes are lower. You haven't seen this person in five years.

Sure. Yeah, exactly. So you might as well. You might as well make off with some mason jars. So was this inland a little? Was this inland Orange County? This was kind of, yeah, I mean. City of Orange? Mission Viejo.

Okay. So kind of by Laguna Beach. Well, that's pretty nice. I'm surprised that you have such hoodlum friends. I mean, there's an Orange County scuzziness. It's pronounced ska. Exactly. It's related to ska music or was at the time.

So, yeah, there's definitely a kind of scuzzy dude that lives in Orange County for sure. Yeah, I know. But I think this is a universal thing. I think it is too. And I think that, yeah, it seems like the high school friends at a wedding just for some reason embody the scuzziness from your hometown. Scuzzy people everywhere. Go to high school. I went to a wedding of a college friend recently who I hadn't seen in a while.

It was great to see him, great to see our college friends. But I did have that feeling like there is an opportunity to do things without consequence because all of these adults don't know me. All of these current friends don't know me. All these adults don't know me. All of these current friends don't know me. All these coworkers don't know me. I could do anything I want right now. And what did you do? Fasten your seatbelts.

You ate two shrimp cocktails. I had to leave a little bit early to get home to my kids. Oh, man. Yeah, it was pretty out of control. Where did you go to high school, Jesse? I went to School of the Arts in San Francisco. Ooh, la, la, huh? That's why I'm so artistic.

Yes, that makes sense. Yeah. Well, that's a great place. That must have been a great experience. It was a great experience. It was a fantastic experience. It was not a strong academic school, not strong academically. I didn't learn anything.

But it was fun. Funneled you right into Santa Cruz. Yeah, exactly. You probably know some show tunes, right? It's a real Santa Cruz feeder school. Like, if you're in the top 20% at my school, then everyone else just goes to City College. Off to City College.

Except for the talented people. There were also talented people. They would go to talented people places. Okay, look. It's getting too hot in here. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Sponsors this week on the program are good friends at Hulu Plus. Not just Hulu, it's Hulu Plus. You can watch current season episodes of your favorite shows like Family Guy, Parks and Recreation, and The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. And you can watch every episode of Community and South Park. You know what? Our friend Carol Cole wrote for the entire last season of Community. I bet you should watch an episode that she wrote.

Right? Please do. Watch it. It'll be a lot of fun. What's one they could boot of Community. I bet you should watch an episode that she wrote. Right? Please do. Watch it. It'll be a lot of fun. What's one they could boot up? Is there one you should suggest? The penultimate one. The penultimate one was the one that I wrote specifically.

Go ahead and watch the penultimate. Watch that penultimate episode. Get in on that penultimate episode. Now more than ever, there's so much stuff to watch. It works on every kind of system, computer, smart TV, Roku, Apple TV, Xbox, PlayStation. And you even get to check out shows that are original to Hulu Plus, like Deadbeat, a comedy about a pot-smoking guy who talks to ghosts. It's cheap, $7.99 a month.

Go to HuluPlus.com slash JJGo. You get two weeks full access completely free. Yeah, so that's HuluPlus.com slash JJGo. HuluPlus.com slash JJGo for two free weeks. Double the normal number of free weeks. 100% more at HuluPlus.com slash JJGo. If you want to sponsor an episode of Jordan, Jesse, go email Teresa at MaximumFun.org. If you want to get up on the Jumbotron to share your message with all of our listeners,

go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Across from me are Tony Kameen and Carol Kolb, who aren't just guests on Jordan, Jesse Goh. They're also going to be guests on BoatParty.biz, the Atlantic Ocean Comedy and Music Festival. Yay! I hope it's as fun as that one movie about ten years ago where Horatio Sanz goes on a cruise, but he finds out it's all full of gay people.

Oh, man. Oh, man. And worst of all, one finds out it's all full of gay people. Oh, man. Oh, man. And worst of all, one of the gay people is Cuba Gooding Jr. I had no idea. Yeah. Yeah. He thought he was going on a Snow Dogs theme tour. Oh, boy.

I got to re-rent that. I got one aunt who loves the movie Snow Dogs. Oh, really? It's a different aunt, but it is true. She really genuinely loves Snow Dogs. Watches it like once a week? She watches Snow movie Snow Dogs. Oh, really? It's a different ant, but it is true. She really genuinely loves Snow Dogs. Watches it like once a week? She watches Snow Dogs a lot. You have weird ants.

She talks a lot about Snow Dogs. That's a really good point. You know, whether your ants are normal or weird, you're going to enjoy a trip to the Caribbean with your friends from MaximumFun.org. Tony, you're going to be doing some stand-up comedy jokes. Yep. Carol, you're going to be teaching some kind of class or something. Who knows? We got a special room

on the ship. We have a special room for hanging out and doing stuff and a special room for lectures and stuff. We get to use the business center. So, Carol, you're going to be in there teaching people how to write a joke or just chatting with people about

life. Yeah, just life. Meaning of life. Yeah, with people about, you know. Yeah, just life. Meaning of life. Yeah, and just like, you know, whatever. Meaning of wife. I was saying that perhaps we should do our. I was, we were going to do our laughing and loving. How to add humor to your relationship. And maybe we could ask Moshe and Natasha if they're still together.

Yeah. You know,'re still together. Yeah. You know, a newer couple. You know, a more mature couple. We're a veteran couple. Give advice. You know, it's like, oh, hope you like a lot of jokes and snickering. You know, like, you know. I think that's a great idea.

We'll get them on the honker. That's boat talk. And, you know, we had such a great time at the Poconos. That was such a fun. It was like living in a Wes Anderson movie. It really was. It was awesome. So we had such a fun time.

That was Max von Kahn East a few years ago. Yes, yeah. I took on a young boy and I mentored him. Yeah. You guys had your dog Dummy with you. Yes, we did. But Dummy can't come on the ship. Where's Dummy?

No. She's got a little life raft. Dummies can probably. There's no shortage of dummy sitters i'll tell you that they dummy is beloved yeah i bet dummy is beloved well listen uh you can go to boatparty.biz to get your tickets but get them now because they're about to go up in price that is a warning to you that is my warning to you everyone i think it's going to be so great did you guys buy your tickets i would i would want to pay more. It's a great lineup, and it's going to be so fun that I

wish I didn't have to do shows because I want to see all these shows. You did a great job. The lineup is amazing. You know that you can watch the show while you're not on stage. It wrecks it for me. Right, okay. It wrecks it for me. Sure. It is a great lineup. Greg Barrett, Morgan Murphy, Kamau Bell,

Natasha Leggero, Chris Fairbanks, Kyle Kinane, Moshe Kasher, Karen Colgaroff, Guy Branham, and of course the great Tony Kameen, plus an awesome music lineup. All the info is online at boatparty.biz. The important thing is, though, do it now because those prices are about to go up. Yeah, and you can't lose, you know. Then you go to the Bahamas and you swim around with a horse and John Hodgman. You got it. That was a great picture, by the way.

Thank you. It does look fake. It is a real picture. We do have a picture. If you look in the Facebook group for BoParty.biz, you will see a picture that somebody from the shore took of Hodgman floating in the water with a well-muscled African-American gentleman or Bahamanian gentleman. It looks like an old Spice commercial.

It looks like Terry Crews. He's cut and not wearing a shirt riding a horse through the waves. That's the kind of shit you can expect to see. That's where I'm going. Ooh la la, that guy is cut. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's love you, love you, love you.

It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Carol Kolb, person writing. Tony Kolb, comedian. Carol Tony. Tony. Kameen. Kameen.

Have you guys ever thought about... Guys, that was smooth as silk. Have you guys ever thought about putting together like a song and dance act, like a double thing? Have we? You bet. Tony, go. I did the dishes today. What do you say?

Thank you, my dear. Oh, there's trouble, but we'll work it out eventually. Yeah. Frenching, Frenching, Frenching, Frenching. I like to do it. It is fun to French. I think we can all agree. That's not what she's talking about.

Was humor in relationships what you guys taught a class about at Max von Kahn East? We didn't do it. We talked about it, but then I think the last minute you got busy I'll just teach satire writing. I mean, I'm curious. I mean, did you have a little outline or did you have some talking points?

I know it wasn't a fully fleshed out thing, but I mean, do you have any tips for humor in relationships now? Keep laughing. Keep laughing. Go on the boat tour and then you can see. Yeah. We're going to give them out now for free. But there's just one simple trick for it that you'll find on the boat tour. No!

It's human clickbait. That's how I varied her. She's clickbait. That sounds dirty. Oh, this chick's real clickbait. Check out her clickbait. I hear she's got

No, we gotta do like a John Gray. We could do like a John, what's it? What was the woman? Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Yeah, we'll do

like a thing like that. Yeah, I think that's a good idea. I'm for it. Yeah, let's call Moshe and Tasha, see if they want in on it. Yeah, I think it's going to be fun. Let's make it happen. Okay, look.

Those of you who are going, who've already bought your tickets. Who's not going? I think everyone's going. Turkey. Come on, keep it clean. Yeah. None of your racial slurs. That was funny.

They're called Turks. When that was the meanest. We're going to be called Turks. Oh, great. Now the Armenians was funny they're called Turks when that was the meanest it's hard to be called Turks oh great now the Armenians are the Armenians oh boy when something momentous happens

like buying tickets to go on the Atlantic Ocean Comedy and Music Festival we ask that you call us at 206-984-4FUN and let us know about it for our segment Momentous Occasions.

Let's hear our first momentous occasion for this week. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, Impossible Guest. This is Jessica from Massachusetts. So last night, me and some friends went to a karaoke bar, which is pretty normal for us. Set up a scene. The karaoke bar was, you know, dark, the lights were off, but there's so many stage lights, pretty well illuminated,

especially where we were sitting. So we're all, you know, drinking something, what have you, and I look over at the table next to us, and I realize this gentleman, who is with another lady, is fingering the other girl next to him pretty obviously. The girl is then trying to subtly shift and let him get better access, and then she's trying to rock back and forth. Now, I'm not a voyeur, but I couldn't help but watch

because this is literally happening about two feet in front of me, and that's all I can see if I look in that general direction. I then watched her achieve orgasm and saw her face, so that was lovely. And probably it's the second time I've seen someone finger someone at karaoke, so it really wasn't that not normal for me. The worst part was at the end of the night, they get up to leave, and this gentleman in question walks over to our table and says, you know, you guys are great singers, and have a good night,

and then goes out and shakes my hand. And it was the hand that had just been up this girl. Yeah. So it was a pretty horrible. I immediately had to go wash and cure all my hands like crazy. Anyway, thanks. Have a good day. Gee, this broad sure is uptight about vaginal juices, huh?

Is it hot in his boots? Yeah. What were they singing? Total Eclipse of the Heart? Can she give out the name of that? Someone ironically doing Humpty Dance? Turn out the lights. This is the second time she's witnessed this.

Yeah. Where's she going? Well, karaoke's pretty sleazy. Karaoke's pretty normal for her, so. Yeah. Fingering and singering. I mean, what's the name of this place, huh? Yeah.

Why is she trying to clarify that going to karaoke is pretty normal for her? Is she living in like a In like rising sun era America When we were worried that the Japanese Were buying up all our buildings It's still happening You laugh but it's still happening Yeah it's true They're really powerful

Do you guys give advice to her now Or do you We just kind of Complain and mock Yeah We just kind of let that That's good that That's really inviting. Marinate.

Let it sink in. Well, if she comes on the boat cruise, I'll finger my wife two feet from her, too. How about that? Wow. That's really cool. And that's a promise. Yeah, that's a promise. I would have loved it if the guy would have come over and instead of shaking hands, just

like taking his two fingers and like put it under her nose. You know that move? You know the old smell my fingers move? The stinky pinky. Yeah. She kept referring to him. Hey, you guys were great. I loved your Robert Plant.

Uh-huh. Also smell my fingers. I bet when he shook her hand, he ejaculated. Like, that's his thing. Oh, yeah. Because he likes to go, you know, shake the hand. So for him, it's a two-tiered experience. It's like a reverse voyeurism, maybe.

One, public digital insertion. Uh-huh. Step two, shaking the hand of a stranger and getting the juices on their hand. Step three, hello, baby, by the big bopper. But also she kept saying, and this gentleman, I thought that was very giving of her. Unless he was a gentleman. He fingered her, but his pinky was out just while he was doing it. He has manners, for Christ's sake.

Yeah, he was fingering her with one hand and reading the New Yorker with the other. Pardon me, madam. I couldn't help but enjoy your singing as I was manually stimulating a guest of mine. You'll certainly join us at the polo grounds

next Sunday for mint tulips and some digital entertainment. And a pinky up the arm. They could have that, right? That's like, you could be very civil, yet perverted. There's no reason that a

public finger blast has to be... When you call it a finger blast, you degrade it. No, you're right. I'm sorry. I found out a great party fact, by the way. Speaking of things that go down at the polo grounds. Good. If I could just class this up a little bit. As I mentioned earlier, I recently interviewed Arsenio Hall.

He told, without self-consciousness, a story about being at billionaire Ron Burkle's house, famous Democratic fundraiser Ron Burkle, having dinner with Michael Jackson and Diddy. And Diddy stood up and said that Arsenio should get his show back. It was a few years ago. And Arsenio said, oh, you know, it's not that simple. And Diddy said, I think you're scared. And Arsenio said, no, you know, it's not that simple, and Diddy said, I think you're scared. And Arsenio said, no, no, it's a complicated thing, and Diddy said, you're scared, I challenge you. And I said to Arsenio, Arsenio, like, is this a thing that Diddy does at other people's houses,

just stand up and make pronouncements at the dinner table? And he said, well, Diddy was the host of the party, even though it was at Ron Burkle's house. And when Diddy hosts a party, he always has a microphone. Even in the bathroom? Does he remember to click it off? We all know that. The classic scene from The Naked Gun.

Yeah. Where he leaves his mic on in the bathroom. Or facing the crowd. Do you think his whole thing is like, if he hears a good conversation going, he goes in and throws in some ad-libs? Like, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Or maybe does like a Benson interruption thing, you know? Like, yeah, that's great.

That's so awesome. I bet it's a nice microphone. Probably like white or gold. Yeah. I bet it says Diddy and Diamonds. Yeah. It's like, look at this guy. Enjoying the shrimp. And in this case,dy and Diamonds. Yeah. It's like, look at this guy, enjoying the shrimp.

And in this case, it worked. Like Arsenio. I mean, he gets results. Yeah, Diddy makes it happen. Let's take another call. Jesse Gold, this is Carl. I am currently driving Zamboni, and I thought you would like to know that is, I guess, my moment of vacation.

Goodbye. He's currently what? Oh, driving a Zamboni. Oh, driving a Zamboni. That's a great moment to say yes. Everybody at the skating rink. He was probably at a party at Diddy's house. Right.

And said, you know what, I always wanted to drive a Zamboni, but I don't know. You can take better care of your ice rink. You can do it. You're scared. And now he's doing it. I have never driven a Zamboni. Anybody? No, me either. Never have I ever driven a Zamboni.

Can you just get on it? Drink, drink. Do you have to be certified? I wonder if it's a class of driver's license. If you ask me, you've got to be certifiable. You know, you don't have to be, but it doesn't hurt. It helps. Whoa.

I think what I think they should do is like for, you know, they'll have like a couple skate or something like that at the ice rink. This guy should put on Jordan Jesse Go, and that's the signal for couple skate. Yeah. And they can get out there on the ice. Because it's so romantic. And then try to listen to your show. Yeah. And then can get out there on the ice. Because it's so romantic. And then try to listen to your show. Yeah. And then they can start

to French. Like this. Yeah. French, French, French, French, French. And then, I don't know, maybe they can try to slide a finger in.

Yeah. See how it goes. Yeah. How good at ice skating are you guys? I'm zero. She's one. I've tried.

I've gone to Rockefeller Center with my friend and skated around in a circle a few times. Are you originally from a non-skating area? No. I'm from a skating area. I should be able to skate. Middle Wisconsin. Yeah. That should be skating country.

I never owned skates, though. Oh, God. You know they have them all over the place. Here's my tiny violin. I don't think... In my hometown, they would just take this one parking lot that was near the park, and they would just spray it down until it had, like, a thin layer of ice. So you had to... And they didn't rent skates.

You had to bring your own skates in order to skate on it. Could you just slide around in your socks? I did slide around in my shoes. Okay. It was basically like the winter equivalent of a slip and slide or crocodile mile. I like the sock sliding idea. That sounds like that would be fun. It would be very cold.

It's ice. And you could probably get your foot chopped off by someone skating by you. How about you, Jordan? I've ice skated a couple times. I could safely go around the thing. Can you go backwards? No, I can't go backwards. Ice skating?

I cannot go backwards. And you, Jesse, skater? I can't go backwards. I'm perfectly decent at go and you jesse skater i uh i can't go backwards i'm perfectly decent at going forwards but it's been a long time i would like to learn how to roller disco oh i can roller skate i'm pretty good at roller she's got her skates i can i do have some skates in the there is a place there's a place i think i've talked about this on the show before but there's a place in oh gosh, I forget what the

area of town is. It's super, like, if you go super south on, like, Normandy or something like that. Yeah, Compton has a real good ice skating rink. There's a, yeah, there's a roller skating place and I went with some friends once on Over 50 Night. It's not specifically Over 50, but they

encourage people who are over 50 to go and it is fucking amazing. These are people who just did it in the 70s and they're in their 50s and they wear amazing outfits and they just fucking roller disco. You call me and we're going to go. Yeah, it's it's a it's a sight to behold. I definitely support anybody who wants to start roller discoing late in life. We got any more calls, Colin? Let's take one more. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, esteemed guest. Funny story. It's not very momentous, but I was just listening to the Indoor Kids podcast, and Jordan'm playing my NBA 2K14, and the referee gives me a technical foul for using bad language. So thanks a lot, Jordan. Have a good one.

Was it technical one or technical two? There's a real vagina theme on that. Actually, I'm going to say that doesn't sound like me. It's probably another episode. Probably a different guest, I would guess. Is this a thing where he was listening and he's playing with his Kinect and the Kinect heard it? Jordan, you would never say vagina. Yeah, why would I?

You would never say finger bang? No. Except for the times I have said it. You're like, You're like... What's that crooner called? Frank Sinatra? Bing Crosby? You're like Bing Crosby.

If your kids had premarital sex, you would kick them out of the family. Sure. Or there's another crooner called Dean Martin. So maybe that's probably the opposite. There's no reason to work with him. Crosby said that. He did? He did.

Oh, boy. Yeah, I know. He was apparently not a nice dad. Hold on. If somebody else is listening to this while they're playing the Kinect, let's just ruin their game. Xbox off. Xbox off. Play pornos.

Play all pornos on Xbox. Vagina. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. Delete all Titanfall files. It's Jordan, Jessica. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Carol Kolb, guest.

Tony Kavine, guest two. Press one. It has been a delight to have you on the program. Well, thank you. It's been fun just coming over, dipping our feet in this pool you have set up for us, and just catching up with you guys. It's always fun to catch up with you guys. You know?

Carol, I imagine you'll be writing on a new television program soon. I hope so. Fingers crossed. Yeah. You don't want to a new television program soon. I hope so. Fingers crossed. Yeah. You don't want to have to leave Burbank. No. Nope. It's so beautiful there.

We just bought a pergola. We can't leave. We're putting up pergolas. What's a pergola now? A pergola is a shady terrace. Oh, a shady terrace. It's bigger than a gazebo with outsides. Wood slats. Oh, a shady terrace. It's like a, it's bigger than a gazebo with outsides. Wood slats.

Oh. So you might know them as arbors. Sure. From the famous day. From the famous day, yeah. Right. Which we don't get off. That's bullshit.

They give out free arbors. Right. Tony, where are you? You got any big road gigs coming up? I do, I do. I'll be in San Francisco at Cobb's Comedy Club, I think, in two weeks. And then Comedy Works in Denver, which is a great club. So I got two.

That's two great places to see one great comedian. And then Las Vegas. Hey. He's not going to Las Vegas. No, you're not going to Las Vegas. No, I am, but. You are, but you don't know when. Yeah, I am.

You don't want people to come. You think they should stay away. No, they should. but... You are, but you don't know when. Yeah, I am. You don't want people to come. You think they should stay away. No, they should. I would love it if they did come. No, just stay and gamble. Just stay. Don't leave the casino. So would you say that they should say,

see you instead of Criss Angel? No. Okay, yeah. Go see Criss Angel. Yeah, go see Criss Angel. That puts a lot of pressure on, like, wow, it's Tony Kameen or Criss Angel. I want to go see Cher.

I bet that would be fun. You know, her ads now don't even say Cher. We were in Portland. It's just her face, and I couldn't tell it was that lady. I was like, that's ballsy when you don't even just have your name, just picture. What do you think it costs to go see Cher? It costs $200. I bet you could get in for 100 for a crappy seat.

But you wouldn't want a decent seat. I guess you, but you would want to take in the whole spectacle. You wouldn't want, but you would want to also be in the midst of the homosexual frenzy. That's the whole, that's the whole point. You could feel it. I think even in the concession stand, there's going to be some of that. Right. I bet Cher puts on a heck of a show. No shit. That's why I want to go see Cher. I'm not joking. I think it would the concession stand, there's going to be some of that. Right. I bet Cher puts on a heck of a show.

No shit. That's why I want to go see Cher. I'm not joking. I think it would be really awesome. Don't get mad at me. I'm agreeing with you. Yeah, Cher and Kiss would be a dream bill to me. That would be a good show.

Because, you know, the audience would swap out towards the front of the stage. And then at the end, everyone would just be Frenching. Everyone. They do the one kiss disco song at the end. The gay guys would grab the 50-year-old. Oh, and they used to date. They used to date Gene Simmons and Cher. No, they didn't.

Yes, they did. I mean, I think they did. It makes sense to me. I remember one time I went to see a show that was Black Star, Ozo Motley, and Michelle Ndegeocello. And it was like a perfect Santa Cruz rotation. White rap fans, and then rotated hippies, and then rotated lesbians in combat boots. Like for three completely simpatico musical artists. Like three artists who really are on the same page.

Completely different people in the front of the show. So Santa Cruz, bro. Yeah, it was absolutely gorgeous. Oh, well, you different people in the front of the show. So Santa Cruz, bro. Yeah. It was absolutely gorgeous. Oh, well, you guys say bra now, right? Over there in Santa Cruz. Bra. Yeah.

We're saying bra. Maybe they're just saying brr. I also want to go see Bette Midler. That would be also fun. Right? Yeah. Do you want to tell something? But that would be less of a thing.

Like I would want to go see Bette Midler. I more want to go see Bette Midler in a showroom. And then Cher probably has more scale. Yeah. More props. More pyrotechnics. Yeah. Bette Midler, you want to get up close so you can laugh when she says something catty.

Yeah. Okay. Some sassy stuff. I'm Bette Midler. I'm a really cool lady. Hey, you're a good-looking young man. You want to finger blast me in a karaoke bar? And then she's right into a number.

If I could turn back time. I know that's a Cher song. I think that my new answer when somebody says, like, who would be your dream guest on Jordan Jesse Go is Bette Midler. Don't you think Bette Midler would be a great Jordan Jesse Go? It'd be a nice booking because she was Carson's last guest. So I think it would be nice. She also would be an ideal partner for our business venture.

Which one? Our bar. Dorothy's. Yeah, the old-time gay bar? Sure, yeah. I'm in, guys. I'm in, fellas. If we could get the Midler seal of approval, that place would be it.

We are opening a contemporary version of a pre-Stonewall gay bar. So, like, you have to dress nice and you can do anything you want behind a newspaper. And when the cops come in, act real cool. Yeah. You don't want to start stuff. Don't suck their dicks, even if you want to. Oh, man. That's a great idea, you guys, Dorothys.

I'm in. I'm in. All owned by straight guys. Yeah, right, exactly. Yeah, the world'm in. All owned by straight guys. Yeah, right. Exactly. Yeah. The world's first gay bar owned by straight guys. Maybe not the world's first. Our board this week operated by Colin Marshall.

Thank you, Colin. Sonny D has taken a job in London for the next couple of months, so he will continue to be the editor of the program, but he won't be running the board. So shout out to Sonny D, producer of the program. Sonny D! Theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. 206-9844-FUN is our telephone number. JJGO at MaximumFun.org, our email address and our hashtag.

You know where there's been some good JJGO discussion? Hmm. On the subreddit. Oh, nice. If you search for MaximumFun subreddit, there's a some good JJ Go discussion on the subreddit. Oh, nice. If you search for Maximum Fun subreddit, there's a lot of cool JJ Go stuff. Somebody made something that I talked about how embarrassed I would be if somebody had pictures of the sort of leftover holes from when I had earrings when I was in middle and high school. I'm surprised by that. Someone made that

and posted it on the internet on the subreddit. That's the kind of cool stuff that you're missing out on. Sounds really cool. It was cool. It was very cool. Jesse had earrings. That's all we've got to say. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, go. Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Jessica.