Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 327: Huge Dong Plumbing with Dave Shumka

Episode Date: June 2, 2014

Comedian and podcaster Dave Shumka joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of millennial television shows, non-sexual fetish videos and Jordan's upcoming trip to Burning Man.  Plus, long time listener Ronnie joins in to take some momentous occasions and help Jesse find his next car. ACTION ITEMS: •  What should Jordan do at Burning Man?  •  What kind of car should Jesse get?

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm your host, Jesse Thorne, the voice of the millennial generation. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, I have a new nickname. Can you repeat it? I wasn't paying attention. I recognized that it was new, but it didn't register to me what it was. It wasn't like – I figured that if I said some words that you hadn't heard before, you would hear them the way that a Tyrannosaurus can see things that are moving.

Oh, no. My vision isn't – my hearing is not novelty-based. Really? Yeah. So you can only hear things that you've heard before? Well, my hearing is celebrity-based, so I can only hear things that celebrities say. So if my family wants to get a message to me, they have to relay it through Danny DeVito or— Just somebody who's available? Yeah.

DeVito's busy— Jody Sweetin? DeVito's busy. Jody Sweetin. DeVito's probably busy cashing checks from Get Shorty. Herman from Herman's Head. These are all people who my hearing picks up. Actually, I can't. I mean, you know, and I know you're popular in some circles, but this feed right now is being relayed to the UN. The United Nations.

And yeah, and everything's being translated back to me by Lucy Liu. Oh, really? Mm-hmm. Lucy Liu? Yeah. So that's who I'm hearing. So Lucy Liu is now, is she at the United Nations because you're a racist? Oh, no, no.

She's karate-ing all of them. Oh, I got you. So, yeah, I'm having to, like, fit in with her schedule. Because Hollywood is racist. Yeah, yeah. She's on a secret karate mission. Gotcha. Okay, great.

The nickname that I said is the voice of the millennial generation. Okay, so what brought on the new nickname? I'm not saying you're not the voice of the millennial generation. I'm just saying I don't think you are and that the nickname is wrong. Okay. But I'm open to having it explained to me. Let's introduce our guest. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So much to say. He's one of the hosts of one of our Sister Max Fun podcasts. He's in town visiting from Vancouver, British Columbia. That's right. He's one of the hosts of one of our sister Max Fund podcasts. He's in town visiting from Vancouver, British Columbia. That's right. He's a foreigner on our soil, but a welcome one. I think he may, like a campground, he may leave our nation better than when he arrived.

I will leave only footprints and take only pictures. Dave Shumka. Hi, guys. His pockets are full of litter he found along the way on. Dave Shumka. Hi, guys. His pockets are full of litter he found along the way on his way here. That's right, guys. I'm just trying to pitch in by doing my part. Yeah. All right.

Preventing forest fires. Guys, all I want to talk about is how Lucy Liu is now most famous as Watson from Elementary. Oh, yeah. Because she's on the television show Elementary. Yeah. Which, as we all know, is better than Sherlock. Is that a popular show? No.

Okay. I think it's a show for moms. Doesn't she wear famous jackets or something? I know. Here's the thing. Do you wear famous jackets? I know that Kerry Washington wears famous jackets on the that i know that carrie washington wears famous jackets on the show scandal how what what makes the jacket famous it's worn by carrie washington

on the show scandal and then all the ladies get together and talk about it the next day at the office sure uh uh they work it in the people send it letters and try to try to impress it by shooting president reagan you're thinking of jody foster all right you're confusing try to impress it by shooting President Reagan. You're thinking of Jodie Foster. Oh, right. You're confusing jackets and Jodie Foster. I know that Kerry Washington's jackets are famous. I know that for a fact.

So you're saying Lucy Liu wears a lesser or differently famous jacket. I believe that Lucy Liu... Or is it just hand-me-downs? Just whatever Kerry Washington... Is done with? She... She gives it to the very slight of frame, Lucy Liu? I mean, you know, you have to get it... probably get it altered a little bit first.

So you think... What, do you think she takes it to a tailor because it's a tailored piece? Or do you think she takes it to a dress alterationist? Because it's a lady. Like, because she's been loyal to that person ever since she altered her dress for a quinceañera. I think she just cinches it in the back with clothespins.

That's why, I don't know if you've ever watched Elementary, you never see her from the back. That's right. She always walks into frames sideways and then walks out of frames sideways. It's because she doesn't want to see the clothespins that are holding together Kerry Washington's former famous jacket. When OutKast put out that song, Hey Ya, that had the line, all Beyonce's and Lucy Liu's. Does Lucy Liu think that maybe she's on the same career trajectory as Beyonce? Well, I mean, she's had, I mean, let's compare number one singles. Okay.

Beyonce's got what? Crazy in Love. Uh-huh. Single Ladies. Sure. Those are literally the only two Beyonce songs I can name. Oh, Lucy. Girls Run This World.

Mm-hmm. Lucy Liu is in The Man with the Iron Fist. Yeah. And she sang the theme song. She did, yeah. I got nothing against Lucy Liu. Look out, parentheses, here comes the Iron Fist. Yeah.

You know, I went to see the movie Charlie's Angels. The first? The first one. The McG Venture? The McG Venture. It was a hit film. And at the time, my friend Tyler, Jordan and my mutual friend Tyler, someone was in love with him at the movie theater.

Different people were just in love with him in different places. Oh, he was a heartthrob? Yeah. And so he could get into any movie for free. So he would just go to the movies all the time, just completely abuse the privilege. Right. Was he Jonathan Tyler Thomas? He was Jonathan Tyler Thomas.

And so we went to see that movie. That is a really weird movie. You know, this is, God, Charlie's Angels has come up a lot of times for me in the past couple of weeks. Women our age are really nostalgic for Charlie's Angels. Well, it was a huge, huge phenomenon. Yeah, I guess it's. Remember when you couldn't take a picture in America without three women coming into it doing the Charlie's Angels pose? Like you could be trying to take a picture of your grandma and grandpa and all of a sudden three 17 year olds would be doing the Charlie's Angels pose.

Yeah. Sometimes I mean, sometimes they were just like apparitions. Right. Like there would be three 17 year old girls. Like you would develop the photos later and you'd be like, how did that? What is that? I don't remember. Yeah, you would have to hold it up to the light in the dark room. Yeah. And then you see the phantom 17-year-olds.

And they're right behind you. Yeah. Tom Green has kind of a weird part in that movie. Yeah, it's weird. It's one of those things that I just know from like, oh, that's occasionally on FX when I turn by. But apparently it was a touchstone movie for women around our age. Bill Murray has a couple of big scenes in that movie that are very, very clearly do not have a script. Very like completely different tone from the rest.

That was like pre pre Bill Murray comeback, like when he would just be in a movie. It was very early in the Bill Murray comeback. It was like right around the time of Rushmore. Like the things that I remember about that movie is you would just have this terrible, terrible movie starring, who were the three? Drew Barrymore, Cami Diaz, Lucy Liu. That's the third one I was looking for. And then eventually Bernie Mac.

And so they're like going around being in a horrible, fucking horrible McG movie. Just McG is a horrible, horrible director. What are the other McG movies? Oh, Terminator reboot. Unsuccessful Terminator reboot. Music video for Sublime. Or no, Sugar Ray. Yeah, for Sugar Ray.

I think it's more like a Backstreet Boys or an NSYNC video. Did McG create the OC? No. Did he not? I don't think he created the OC. Oh, did he create Fringe? All of this makes sense to me. He could have.

I mean, I think that he could have an executive producer credit on those things, but I don't think he created them. I saw McG once on the set of Fringe in Vancouver. Really? Or it could have been him. Does he wear a T-shirt that says McG? Is that how you recognize him? No, he's just like a really important looking redhead as i remember as i remember the movie it's like a long stretch of weird like fast-cutting nonsense starring these three young women and then just a scene with either tom green or bill murray obviously making

it up for five minutes. And then it goes back to – like just – I just remember there's a scene with Tom Green. Was this before the Tom Green resurgence? It was – no, it was around – That didn't happen. That was number one. It was like – it was a last hurrah for him. Actually, I remember thinking that Tom Green was pretty funny in it. And I would have never been a huge Tom Green fan or a Tom Green fan at all, frankly.

I mean, I don't hate him or anything. But it's just a scene where he's just saying weird stuff in a boat. I remember that. And I remember there's a scene where Bill Murray's saying weird stuff I want to say in a jail cell. Sure. And that's the whole movie. Like, it's weird McG shit, and then five minutes of Bill Murray, just one shot of him just saying different Bill Murray shit.

Great. You want to watch it? I guess what I'm saying is you want to watch it? I guess I do. I've got some chocolate-covered cherries. I've seen them both. Have you seen Full Throttle, the sequel? Oh, the sequel, yeah. I do. I've got some chocolate-covered cherries. I've seen them both. Have you seen Full Throttle, the sequel? Oh, the sequel, yeah.

I know. That's a great, like, I mean, that's up there with Secret of the Ooze as, like, great sequel bylines. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that one has Pink riding a motorcycle, doing a cameo. Believe it. Singing a song written by Beck. All of this makes sense. Oh, boy, yeah.

She only works with four-letter names. I did see the movie Triple X. Uh-huh. State of the Union. Is that with Ice Cube? That was not Ice Cube. It was the one... Ice Cube.

I think Triple X was the Vin Diesel one, and State of the Union was the Ice Cube one. I saw the one with Vin Diesel. Mm-hmm. I actually didn't hit that. He lives for this shit. I'd watch that kind of movie. I was a little heavy on extreme stuff. As I remember, it had several of those.

You know that kind of scene? I had to watch Barbed Wire for, or Barb Wire for when I went on Stuff You Should Know. How did this get made? Stuff You Should Know. How did this get made? Yeah, this was the episode after they explained ancient torture devices. Then they explained why Pamela Anderson was ever famous. Excuse me, Pamela Anderson Lee.

You know how there's this kind of scene in an action movie where somebody goes into a club, and it's like sort of industrial looking, and everyone's wearing black and gyrating. Oh, yeah. That was the – every movie post- post blade had to have that yeah there's there was one of those there was one of those in triple x maybe even more than one but honestly i didn't hate it did not hate triple x triple x is good can't well it was part of that uh seems like a stretch it was a time in our lives when for for those of us who are millennials. Yeah, sure.

Millennials or above. Which is to say the voice of the millennial generation, which sort of stands slightly above the millennial generation itself. Yeah, but I clumped Triple X in sort of with the Jason Statham ones, the transporter et al. What was the Clive Owen shoot-em-up? Was it just called shoot-em-up? It was called shoot-em-up, yep. Jordan's a big shoot-em-up man. Yeah, it was a great time to be alive.

Although I think shoot-em-up happened way after. The shoot-em-up happened, I mean, I had to like work the press junket for shoot-em-up i think you're yeah i think you're looking at a 10-year difference yeah yeah i think uh like an eight-year period between triple x and shoot-em-up okay but yeah i definitely think i think that your triple x's were i think all in the zone of the blade movies the charlie's angels movies i think these all have a similar style. Yeah, a great style. A wonderful style.

And you know who we can thank for that? Mick G. Thanks, Mick G. You're one of the most powerful redheads in Hollywood. You, Angie Everhart, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Anyway, I think I'm the voice of the millennial generation. Oh, how so? Because you remember Charlie's Angels.

Last week on the program, I took some time out to mention Kratts Creatures. And I knew that would electrify millennials. Was that related to Zabuma Fu? I'm just getting to Zabuma Fu. And, you know, Kratts Creatures was a television program starring two Kratts. And they investigated all kinds of creatures. These two excitable brothers. And it was a real touchstone for the millennial generation.

Anybody who grew up in the age of the Internet, you know, the hookup culture, apps. Sure. You know, wanting to express yourself. a combination of apathy and political involvement, you know, vote or die. You know, boxers are briefs. Yeah. All these things are things that millennials understand sort of innately. One of them is Crash Creatures, later Zabuma Fu. It was the same.

It was like Good Morning Miss Bliss to Saved by the Bell. it was the same it was like uh uh good morning miss bliss to say by the bell it was the same yeah i think so which one was more popular cratch creatures or zabuma foo i think zabuma foo may have been is this a are these cartoons so it was zabuma can someone explain exactly can someone explain exactly what this is for us us, by us. LL Cool J was the spokesman for Zabuma Fu, as I remember. It was a sometimes live-action lemur and sometimes real-life lemur. Sorry, sometimes puppet lemur that interacted with these Kratts. Okay. As I understand it now, someone tweeted me.

Now, you mentioned Kratz Creatures one time. And you have an audience of engaged millennials like we do. Congratulations on your engagement. Oh, thank you. That wasn't to you. It was the millennials. Yeah. You're going to get electrified via social media platforms by contacts re-educational television.

And I got all kinds of emails about Kratts Creatures, about Zabu Mafu, frankly about unrelated programs like Wishbone. Sure. You know, I heard a lot about Wishbone. Heard a lot about The Voyage of the Mimi, Square One, for older millennials. However, all of that having been said, one of the most interesting I got was a guy who lives in the same town as the Kratt brothers who are apparently still at it. I want to say it was somewhere in Ontario.

Oh, they're Canadian brothers. Well, I don't know if they're Canadian brothers. But they live – They may just be in Canada because I think in Canada they just – if you've made an American television show, they'll give you $100,000 a year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As long as you promise to make your own television show with $100,000. Yeah, you get your name on the Dirt Road Hall of Fame. It's the kids in the hall policy, right? Yeah, yeah.

That's why the kids in the hall, they all have new shows this fall. Actually, one of them did. Dave Foley just had a show called Spun Out, which I believe was canceled immediately. And so our congratulations go out to the Kratt brothers and to all of the engaged millennials out there who are Snapchatting. Doing their thing. are Snapchatting. Doing their thing. Just using different apps to communicate, find love, find sex, be more fluid about their sexuality, and their gender roles. What's Kratts' creatures?

It's a lemur. It's a puppet lemur. No, you're thinking of Zabuma Fu. Oh, okay. Zabuma Fu was the in-house lemur. Sort of like the Paul Schaefer. Oh, okay. So at some point, the lemur eclipsed the brothers in popularity. Yeah.

Okay. Like Urkel. Like Urkel. Like Urkel. This is an Urkel. He Urkeled the show. Yeah. He full-on Urkeled the show.

There's another thing millennials remember. So anyway, I want to thank all of the millennials who've reached out to me and made me their spokesperson. So anyway, I want to thank all of the millennials who've reached out to me and made me their spokesperson. And I want to let people know out there if you are a millennial and you need me to represent you publicly in some way, whether it's naming a variety of Pokemons on my show, just listing Pokemons. Well, I mean, I think let's take that and run with it. I mean, it seems like millennials don't even like it. You know, they don't even care about jokes or conversation. They just want to hear something.

We don't. Sorry, us. We just want to hear people reference something. Right. Can't believe they made that reference. Oh, man. What a reference. I remember that or I remember remembering that.

Right. So, yeah, let's like definitely continue to pat us on the back for saying something you remember. Yeah. Well, when is the cutoff for millennialisms? I'm going to say 1980. Born in 1980. Okay. Cool.

But, I mean, really, it's a state of mind. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think I'll always be a millenn after my even after my generation has died. References. Let's get together and remember. Well, right before the show we were talking

we were talking about shows that we've remembered that were on for five months. Sure. Like Brave Star and Centurion. This is scoring Dino Saucers.

This is scoring us major points. I mentioned briefly on Judge Sean Hodgman the other day this weird show called Brave Star. And Hodgman didn't remember because he's a little bit too old, not a millennial. He's a Gen Xer. He's a snarky Gen Xer.

He's a classic snarky Gen Xer. Flannel Seattle. Don't get me started. It's your glitch. And I was so disappointed that my father bought me a Brave Star lunchbox because I had never had a themed lunchbox except for this one. I had a Super Friends lunchbox, speaking of Generation X things, that I had bought myself at a junk store for 20 cents. Two dimes. I remember I had to go home to get the dimes.

Crim's Crams was the name of the junk store not to be confused with kratz creature nope crims crams quality junk not kratz creatures public television program and um so my dad finally agreed to get me one of these you know the kind of lunch boxes with a beloved characters on sure and uh one day without consulting me he just came home with a Bravestar lunchbox. Bravestar is spelled with two R's. That's so you can copyright it. And Bravestar was a space cowboy of ambiguous ethnicity. Wasn't Bravestar most deaf and telequilly?

Yes. That was their, they rode on this robotic horse through space. Yes, exactly. And they had a, Bravestar's best friend was there. They rode on this robotic horse through space. Yes, exactly. And they had a... Bravestar's best friend was... Well, I mean, I think, Jesse, I think you're kind of selling Bravestar short by just calling him a space cowboy. I think we all know that he was also a choker, a smoker, and occasionally a midnight toker. I remember he said this great thing when he spoke about the pompatus of love.

Yeah, yeah. You know, I called him Maurice. Oh, interesting. It is amazing how, like, a thing... Can I just say, the thing... When I looked at the picture of Bravestorm... Yeah. Do you saw a lot of yourself in him?

His horse... There was two things that struck me. One was his horse friend was bipedal and had a laser foot hand. Yeah, that shit's why there's furries now. Yeah. Like, that is part of the reason why there's furries is like... But the other thing is, this show was on for four months. Oh, that's 2,000 flushes.

Five months, it was like September through March or something like that. It is amazing how I feel like things just get... It's weird finding out that the things you liked as a kid were failures. Yeah. Like Denver the Last Dinosaur, also something that wasn't really on. Yeah. Your Centurions, Herman's Head. Kids weren't really reading variety.

Wait, Herman's Head was a failure? I think so, right? Jen, please look up Herman's Head. Kids weren't really reading variety. Wait, Herman's Head was a failure? I think so, right? Jen, please look up Herman's Head. I'm guessing there's 20 episodes of Herman's Head. No, I'm guessing it was on for three or four seasons because it was on Fox and you couldn't They didn't have anything else there. Yeah, I mean, think about it. Fox had like four seasons of Get a Life.

They put on Get a Life and then they said our television, our national television network should order more episodes of this sitcom conceived by and starring Chris Elliott during the weirdest period of his career. I remember it was a big shock to me finding out that Hook is considered a failure. Speaking of things our age likes to remember and remember and remember constantly. Okay, Jennifer is going to tell us how many episodes it was on. Three seasons. Three seasons. That's not more than 20 episodes. I was wrong about Herman's head.

You're wrong about Herman's head and you're wrong for America. These are like the kitchen debates. Is that what they were called? Dave, I'm making you the new co-host of Join the Desk and Go. Oh, hey, guys. If you want to speak on behalf of Gen Xers, you can. Oh, sure. Am I?

I don't think I'm. No, I think you're a millennial. I'm 1980. What year? 1980? Yeah. December 1980. So you're right on the line.

I'm on the cusp. So as am I. I'm born in 1981. I mean, I think you can bring, you could probably bring the generations together. Yeah, I'm sort of like the Jimmy Carter of Generation X and the

Millennials. Did Jimmy Carter bring anyone together? I don't think so. He signed some accords. People who hated Nixon and Ford and other people who hated Nixon and Ford. Why can't I remember any people who brought people together? But I can certainly remember how many flushes he can have in four months. What about the Reverend Jesse Jackson's famous rainbow coalition?

The Reverend Jesse Ventura's famous rainbow outfit. It was flamboyant, that guy. It's an evening meeting. Well, we came here to have fun and chew bubble gum. Hey, guys, I brought some more bubble gum. Oh, good. We're not all out. Oh, good.

Oh, thank God. That means we don't have to have fun. Or kick ass. Jordan said something very interesting about the reason furries exist, but he mentioned it in reference to a robotic horse. Yeah. And are there any people who, are there furries who dress up in robot costumes that clang around a lot so that when they have furry sex, it clangs around a lot?

I mean, I think that's, I mean, I think, I mean, what a confidence booster. You're fucking another furry and you just hear the clang of steel. How mighty must that make you feel as a furry? The thing is, is once you have a con, you've got to have panels. Yeah. And once you've got to have panels. Wood paneling. You've got to come up with premises for the panels.

Once you've got these premises for the panels, you've got information being distributed. Instribution. Yeah. Or information distribution. And, you know, and all of a, you're getting that kind of creativity. Something I did for work recently was go around YouTube and watch non-sexual fetish videos. Right. Like a video where there's nothing in it that would prevent it from being on YouTube.

you know nothing in it that would prevent it from being on youtube i once was looking for a replacement pair of this kind of shoes called better something to do opera pumps which you wear with black tie men's shoes and i searched for size whatever ralph lauren opera pumps and a video came up that upset me. Why were you searching YouTube? I wasn't. I just Googled it. And this video came up, and it just said the thing, and I'm like, what is this?

This is like a review of size 11 1⁄2 Ralph Lauren polo opera pumps? And I clicked on it, and it was called a heel-slipping video. And it was a dude, like a 65-year-old dude. Doing pratfalls. Like sitting in like a Corvette or something, as I remember, just sort of wearing these slip-on shoes and slipping the heel on and off. And it was a porno video, but with no... There's guys who buy brand new Nikes, like some sort of kind of wait in line limited edition Nike. Turtle from Entourage. Turtles, yeah.

There's a bunch of turtles out there. The turtle edition. These are men who have their own tequila. Sure. Avion. So they buy these new Nikes, and then they make videos of themselves peeing in them. They buy these new Nikes, and then they make videos of themselves peeing in them. Like, they pee in their pants, and the pee runs down into the Nikes, and then they stomp around in the Nikes and squish the pee around in them.

Oh, that's wonderful. What is... Now, what... How does that come about? Well, when you hear, like, a Bob Ross, like a really quiet... Yeah, gosh, right. You hear this tingle on your neck. And you just want to piss in your Nikes.

Do they mic the squish? Yeah, I mean, that's a. Or is there a guy off camera going. Oh, a Foley artist. He either is a Foley artist for his. This is a guy shaking a sheet of plywood. Yeah. Oh, it's the third thunder.

Yeah. Spitting a, spitting one of those bingo cages filled with lug nuts? Yeah. I mean, is there something to, like, I'm buying something expensive and then I'm just fucking ruining it? Is that tied to, is that the part that's the turn on? Or does it have something to do with the fact that they're Nikes? I don't know. Would you, is it only Nikes?

I've seen a couple of these videos and it's always Nikes. If that happened to you, would you throw the shoes away? These aren't British Nights. Oh, I don't know. That's a good question. I don't know if you throw them away immediately or if you keep wearing them. If you can clean them. Or if it's a breaking in process.

Yeah. Yeah, it's just good for breaking them in. Yeah, sure. You put a baseball in, you wrap it. Right, you wrap it in a rubber band. Sure. Rub shaving cream and pee all over it. Yeah.

That's so you don't get blisters. Yep. When you're walking around the pervert convention. Yeah, I really, I find, you know, I want to know if there are other types of collectible sneakers, like exclusive sneakers that are not Nikes that are in these pee-pee videos. Yeah, I wonder. Yeah, it became apparent that it was nothing that I could use to put on television. Sure, you can't do that on television. No, you can't do that on television.

If someone peed in their Nikes on television, they'd get slimed immediately to put a stop to it. Why are you doing this? I don't know. Whoa, I heard that. The squishing of the P. I think, Jordan, that this is something that I will refer to the good people in the MaxFun subreddit. Because this seems like the kind of thing they did. Is this something that Reddit might know about?

Yeah. It seems like this might be something that you could toss over to Reddit. When it comes to user communities, this seems like something that Lawther might be on top of. By the way, his real name is Lawyer Junior. I think. I think it was.

He corrected me on the subreddit because last week I said his name was Lawther. It's really Lawyer Junior? I think it's Lawyer Junior. I don't remember. Are we really supposedyer Jr. I think it's Lawyer Jr. I don't remember. Are we really supposed to remember everybody's goddamn name? Yeah, fuck them. Wait, his real name is Lawyer Jr.?

Met Kerfay. Am I supposed to remember that guy's name? All right. Another fun kind of video that I like to watch is... Tell me more. By the way, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I feel like I haven't been showing enthusiasm properly. This is where the show is going. This is the voice of millennials.

A guy who spent an afternoon watching non-sexual fetish videos on YouTube? Yes. Yeah, I think so. I think that makes me. They're sexual. They're not explicit. Sorry. Yeah, I guess.

There you go. That's a better way to describe them. I think those DSLR videos are your best bet for a non-sexual fetish video. For how to replace a lens. The ones where they dangle up and down your neck. Call them DSLR videos. While you're watching Bob Ross change a tire. Single lens reflex something.

A cool kind of fetish video is a sneezing video. Oh, yeah. It's like beautiful women sneezing. Okay. And the most popular one had just this great label. It was called like Donnie sneezing with real allergies. So there's like dudes out there with such fickle boners that they only want to see a woman who has like legit a fever sneezing. Yeah.

Not just a cold either. No. Real allergies. That was all caps. She publishes her Amazon want list or wish list and it's like bee pollen and a box of cat hair down pillows. Yeah. And Donnie, D-A-N-I, pretty good looking. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, a nice, fun lady to watch sneeze. Do you think the people in a non-explicit fetish video are, on the whole, better looking or less good looking than the people in porn, in actual, in the old P&V? Good question, Jesse. I'll field this one. Dave, hang out. The sneezing ladies were very good looking. And also the getting hit with pie ladies were very good looking. Oh, really?

Yeah. That was really fun to watch, too. We should explain that Jordan is a clown fetishist. Yeah, that's true. Clown activities. Yeah. So, you know, getting a lot of people into a car, creating a general sense of wonder. Having a tiny dog.

Yeah, a tiny dog. With a funny hat. Yeah. It's not like the makeup and the clothes. It's the activities that I like. Oh, this is squirting water out of a flower. Oh, this handkerchief just won't stop coming out of my sleeve. Dave. The annoyed clown. Oh, this handkerchief just won't stop coming out of my sleeve. Dave.

The annoyed clown. Dave, I'm blushing. So, yeah, these sneezing ladies all kind of, you know, they were, I say, their type was like, you know, if you would type in like, you know, amateur or suicide girl or something like that. They were kind of alternativey um and yeah on on the on the whole very attractive um what can't you show on youtube could you show people having sex but just sort of like you don't see any of the the p and v as uh the voice of the

millennial you could see like you could see like. Yeah, or you could see just some guy's back. Would you say that the standard is somewhere around NYPD blue? Yeah, exactly. You could see Dennis Franz's butt. Yeah, that's like the black bar that's over the sex. You get a little screenshot of Sifowitz's butt. By the way, Sifowitz's butt is a real touchdown for millennials. They remember that.

They remember it all day. They're a great electro-clash band. Sifowitz's butt. Throwing the chick, chick, chick. You know, speaking of YouTube standards, I think it kind of harkens back to the old days of movies you would show at a stag party in that you can show a nudist video on YouTube. You can? Yeah. If it's like cultural or a documentary about nudists, there's plenty of

nudist frolics and body painting and stuff like that. Sometimes that's all you need. Yeah. In that Robin Thicke video last year it had total boobs. I think that was on another... That was on Vivo or something. But that was on another like that was like on vivo but it was on youtube okay it was they took it off youtube there and there was and they brought

it back because there's a naked one and a non-naked one right and the non-naked one has way more views for some reason i guess people can watch it but you really i think you can embed that on people.com sure you know what i mean which is is my homepage. Right. Because I love people. You're a people person. Yeah. How come people has never used the slogan, I'm a people person? Because it's a magazine. Okay, so what do we got?

We got pies. Pies, a thing about the pies. It wouldn't be in the first person. It would be, I, the people magazine reader, am a people person. Oh, okay. Okay, sorry. Because, yeah, I mean, I think they would, if it looks like a word bubble that the magazine would say, people would think it was a liar. They're like, no, you're not.

You're a magazine. You're a stack of paper. You're a People magazine. Not a person. You don't have a soul. You're no one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple People leader magazine. The Pi ones were a lot of fun. I felt like I watched the most of those, like, even after I had, like, you know, watched enough of them to complete the assignment.

It bothers me that they're probably not whole pies. They're just, like, a bunch of whipped cream. Guys, guys, here's the deal. Jordan, let's talk about these pies. Here's the deal. Jordan, let's talk about these pies. Part of the fetish is not only watching the woman getting hit with the pie, but watching the crust fragments slide down the face. So it can be just whipped cream, but it has to be on a pie crust.

It can't just be a paper plate. It can't be a what would you do pie. Right. Okay. I guess they could go to, yeah, you could get an $8 pie at the grocery store. Speaking of things millennials remember, what would you do? You don't, I guess you don't see, what would you do, like the ABC show? I'm thinking of the Nickelodeon show where Mark Summers challenged kids to hit their parents with pies. Oh, I thought it was the ABC Friday night show.

Oh, the morality show? Morals with some dudes. No, there was nothing moral about this show. Are there videos of the women cooking the pies themselves? No, it's kind of just, I mean, the most popular, there's a lot of different ones. There's a lot of, like, you know, women, like, outside on a tarp just having fun with pies. And sometimes there's a little, like, scenario where they're a chef and then they get hit with a pie. But also, the pie hitting.

So some of them have a narrative? Some of them have a little story. Yeah. But mostly it's just like a woman sitting in front of like a Sears portrait video. Yeah. And three Hail Marys and four banana creams, says the saucy nun. Some of them are just that most of them are just in front of like a Sears portrait backdrop. Oh, cool.

And it's just kind of like this static. With Sears customers walking by? Yes, exactly. By washer dryers. Do they smile? Yeah. I mean, I think. What's their general attitude in the videos?

Pre and post pie. It's fun to get hit with a pie. Okay. Yeah. It doesn't seem like they don't know the pie is coming. It's like, this is fun. It seems to be the general... Do you think they have to make an extra...

Do you think they know between the different brands of store-bought pie? You can't... They can't possibly be making pies for this. Yeah. Which have the best, the optimal viscosity? It seems like some of them were like, you know, pickups from Marie Callender's. Right. I bet.

Oh, yeah. Sure. I mean, if the if the sneezing people know when there's a legit allergy sneeze or not, I bet the pie people know, you know, when you're just spraying whipped cream onto a pre-made. Are they good looking videos? Like did the people go out and buy good equipment for a variety? Some look like they were shot on dad's VHS camera. You can even see the little, like, date stamp on them. Tracking.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, some of them look like they were shot on James Cameron's submarine. So these are underwater? Yeah, a lot of them are underwater in the Marianas Trench. 3D underwater ones, huh? I want to know. Do you know what you want to know? These pies.

I mean, I just am really interested in these pies. Could we, are we, do they go like, do they take a finger and like draw it down their cheek and then go like that? No, no. I did not see that happen. There's no part where they go like. Here's the thing. And the women are usually in bikinis. Implying that later they're going to have sex with the pie?

Yeah, well, no, just that it's put them in a sexy type of mood. No, it's just kind of like it's fun. Like you and me, big guy. It's like, what if you were having a fun pie fight? Do you think it's possible that the point of these videos is not sexual? After all, it's actually just for pie fighting enthusiasts who love fun. Yeah, it could be. I mean, and then the women in bikinis is just kind of a, you know, it's like a nod to showmanship.

It's like, hey, we're not just hitting any old Diabo with these. Yeah, it's like we went to the L.A. Kiss game. Sure, exactly. Is there a second hand that comes in with the pie or are they pieing themselves? And before they pie themselves, they say, I'm so lonely. Smash. It's usually a hand from off camera. Okay.

But I have seen them pie themselves. They brought a guy. I mean, it runs the gamut, but I think typically... Nice hand, manicured? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. This guy's been soaking in it. Dishwashing liquid.

Yeah, palm olive. Banana cream, yeah. This guy's been soaking in it. Palmolive? Dishwashing liquid. Yeah, palmolive. Or banana cream, anyway. There's the typical pie video. Are they mostly fruit pies, cream pies? Cream pies. All cream pies? I've seen one cobbler. Okay.

That's a, yeah. Just a big casserole dish. Is it a one camera? Debbie getting hit with real cobbler. Is it a, well, I was imagining there might be some like cherry pie. I don't think I saw any cherry pies. It's mostly cream pies. And the comments.

Are the comments generally positive? Yeah. As all YouTube comments are. Well, yeah, I guess that's the thing. I think when you get into that like. Faggot. Fake. Yes, the pie was fake. Pie fail. And I think that, yeah, when you get into that, like... Faggot. Fake. Yes, the pie was fake.

Yeah. Pie fail. And I think that, yeah, when you get into that world of fetish, like, the people are just really appreciative that you've made it. So, I mean, I think that the weird part is, like, yeah, when you're looking at that stuff, it's a more fun place to be than your average YouTube video. Okay. What was your...

And they just, like, suggest, like, pies. What was your favorite type of pie to watch? What would you like to watch most, Dave? And also, what's your... And they just, like, suggest, like, pies. What was your favorite type of pie to watch? What would you like to watch most, Dave? And also, what's your favorite pie to eat? Two-part question. Pie to watch. Right. Like a meringue.

Right. What kind of meringue? Like a... Lemon meringue? Yeah. Or yellow? What other kind of meringues are there? I don't know.

Google that, Jennifer. How many lemon meringue pies appeared on Herman's head during its entire run? So, yeah, lemon meringue pie. Ronnie's outside. He says coconut meringue. Coconut meringue. Oh, coconut meringue. Yeah, yeah.

That was the best kind of pie to watch. Chocolate meringue pie. That would be good. There's probably a video. If there's chocolate, there's got to be vanilla, right? There's got to be. Just straight meringue. Butter scratch?

What about 50-50 vanilla and chocolate? Oh, that would be good. A swirl? Half and half? Yeah. Is it a swirl or is it divided down the middle like a pizza with two types of toppings? I'm thinking a swirl, like a soft serve machine. But a soft serve meringue pie machine.

So you just crank it right in there? Yeah, just crank it around. That's getting hit with ice cream. There's nothing sexy about that. Just draw that down, crank it, and then swirl it in. Yeah, put some jimmies on there, girl. Put a spoonful of jimmies. Jordan, so a meringue pie makes a lot of sense.

Yeah. Dave, what are you going with for hit by? I'd like to see someone. Well, I'd like it to be the Joker. Oh, yeah, that guy's got it coming. Yeah, and I'd like it to be... From which Joker? Are you talking about...

No, from the pack of playing cards. You want to see a playing card get hit with a pie? Did you have to think a long time to eliminate tokers and smokers? Sure, that's right. Let's not forget about the gangster of love. Good lord.

No, just like a fresh pie right out of the oven, piping hot. Right in Joker's face. Come on, Joker. He's just going, ah! Is his makeup sort of coming off? Well, he's laughing because he's crazy. But he's also recommending an enema for your whole city. Is he getting turned on?

Yeah, of course. And this is like the super evil, crazy, dark Joker from the more recent Batman. Well, I was thinking more the Jack Nicholson Joker, the classic Joker from my millennial childhood. I'm going to say I would most like to see a cherry pie. I know that I brought it up before, but I think that there's something about the combination of the semi-translucence of the filling with the actual cherries and the fact that it has a sort of – Blood-like. A viscous, jelly-ish consistency inside. Plus, it has a lattice work on the top in addition to the crust on the bottom.

So you get double crust fragments. Double crust fragments. Yeah. And I say all those things, if I'm imagining all those things at once, Diamond Hard downtown. Yeah. Just absolutely everything. A la mode? Is there scoop ice cream on top of that?

There's a scoop. You hit with the pie, and then you scoop just right on top of the head. Yeah. Okay. What's your favorite pie to eat, Jordan? I mean, if I can use loose definition of pie, I might say a peach cobbler. I don't know how loose we're... Yeah.

How loose... Dave, how loose is your goose? My goose goes as loose as a brown Betty. Yeah, no, I... Is a cobbler in a pie crust? It can be. Is it in a circle? Usually it's in like a little dish. I might as well start picking meat pies if you're going to pick brown Bettys.

What are we going with? A cobbler. Cobbler. Or a crumble. I think a cobbler and a crumble are both fine. Yeah. What's the difference? That just has a top covered with something crunchy.

Yeah. You didn't put in the effort to make the crust. Oh, that crust. You didn't put a top on it or a latticework top on it. It's just sprinkled on top. Or lettuce. Oh, I'd like a lettuce pie. That sounds great.

Lettuce with lattice. Like iceberg? Wait, I have a question. Just a nice white iceberg. Is a cobbler the kind with no base? What's the difference? Yeah, that's something else to look up. Difference between cobbler and crumble.

And brown Betty. And brown Betty. Because one of them is the kind where you just fill a dish with it and put something crunchy on top, like granola. Yeah. Or you make a special kind of dough that you sprinkle on top um or you know graham crackers or whatever then the other there's one that's like a pie with a pie crust but then there's some just something sprinkled on top have you seen that movie waitress uh with carrie russell she makes a pie and like every day she's my favorite she's a waitress it's pretty is that

mcg is that a mcg feature uh if you a whiter. It's pretty. Is that a McG? It's a McG feature. If you're into pie porn, it's pretty good. Oh, yeah. I do like pie. Pie's good. Pie and burger. Mm-hmm.

My favorite pie, I'm going to go apple pie. It's classic. Classic. American. Classic. With ice cream. If it's not with ice cream, I am two-thirds. Yeah, there's basically no reason to eat it.

Two-thirds less interested. Oh, boy. You make an apple pie. John Mellencamp gets a boner. Dave, there's basically no reason to eat it. Two-thirds less interested. Oh, boy. You make an apple pie, John Mellencamp gets a boner. Dave, if apple pie is the American pie, what's the Canadian pie? Oh, just apple pie three days earlier. Yeah. Canadian pie, I don't know. There's, we don't.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, there might be like a beaver tail or something. There's probably a maple pie. I bet there's a, that's probably pretty good. That sounds pretty good. Yeah. I'm on a maple meringue. It's like a beaver tail or something. There's probably a maple pie. I bet there's a – that's probably pretty good. That sounds pretty good. Yeah. I'm on a maple meringue.

It's like a pecan pie. Yeah, yeah. Something like that. Rustic, woodsy. I do not like a pecan pie. I've grown to like pecan pie. It was always something my mom made and I was always – I never went near it. But recently, I've started to have a little bit.

It's pretty good. Also, go suck a lemon meringue. Fucking, what's that called? Pumpkin pie. What? You're crazy. God, why would you make any food out of a pumpkin? Oh, boy, because of the pie.

Oh, gourd. Get out of my pie, gourd. You know, like a squash pie? No. Give me. Make it out of a fruit, something that tastes good to begin with. Oh, man. Don't start by hobbling yourself.

A pumpkin pie, you don't even need to put a lid on it. Or a lid crust. I call crusts lid. A food lid. And then you can use the extra dough to make a second base for your second pumpkin pie. Jennifer, what's the goddamn difference between a pie and a crumble and a cobbler? Okay, a pie has a crust. Okay, a crumble

has oats or a streusel on top, which makes, I mean, that makes a pile of sense. That's what I was talking about. Sprinkle some mueslicks on top there. Aren't you the teenage streusel king? I am the teen streusel king. Is that it? Holy shit.

Cobblers are supposed to have biscuits puffed on top of them. How do you puff something? Oh, my God. And a brown Betty is like a Struxel but without oats. This is great, guys. We've learned a lot. This is blowing my fucking mind. Well, look.

This has been the longest introductory segment in the history of George and Jesse Go. We'll be back in just a second with more. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la Happy summer, everybody. Griffin McElroy here, the youngest of the McElroy brothers. I'm Travis McElroy, the middle-est brother. And I'm beloved performer Jimmy Buffett. He is not. But we do do a podcast together called My Brother, My Brother and Me. It's a comedy advice show.

You can find it at mbmbam.com, maximumfun.org, or just search for it on iTunes. I love you, Sacramento! You it at mbmbam.com, maximumfun.org, or just search for it on iTunes. I love you, Sacramento! You're not even on a stage. Griffin, are you watching this shrimp? They're beginning to boil. So join us this summer as we waste an hour of your life that you'll never get back ever again. You know, I know something about

wasting away again in Margaritaville. I'm beloved. I know you are. It's Jordan, Jesse Goe. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Dave Shumka. Oh, my word.

Hello. Nice to see you. It's great to have you on the show, Dave. Thanks. I don't think I've ever not listened to an episode of this show, and yet completely unprepared when nickname time came. You've never not listened to an episode of this show, and yet completely unprepared when nickname time came. You've never not listened to an episode of this show? No. I've never listened to an episode of this show.

Right. I mean, that makes a lot more sense. No, I think I'm a completist. Even live episodes? Even donor episodes? Well, let's not go crazy. The annuals that are standalone? He thought about listening to the donor episodes, but he decided he wanted to keep two kidneys just in case.

Yeah, I like fun. Cool. So you didn't, despite having listened to the show, you didn't think of a nickname before you came in here? I'm sure it's occurred to me at certain points, like, oh, if I'm ever on the show, I will have, oh boy, it's going to be old butternuts. But nope, not today. I like old butternuts. Old butternuts is pretty solid. I don't know if you're getting better than that.

Yeah, you should have just used that. Yeah. Okay. Hi, Dave Shumka, butternuts, old, comma. Okay. Okay. Butternuts, old, comma. Let me go. I'm going to give you a third right. Okay. Butternut's old, comma. Let me go.

I'm going to give you a third shot at this. Butternut. I like Butternut's old, comma. I was happy today to get the chance to bring Dave one of our famous pastrami sandwiches from Langer's Delicatessen, which is right nearby here. Brought one to Ronnie. Ronnie, a longtime MaxFun supporter, has been helping us with the fan situation

so we don't end up sweating buckets while we're in here recording. And to get to the Langer's Delicatessen, I have to walk across the park. And the park here, MacArthur Park, it's all, you know, you get, you're going to get a variety of experiences every time you cross the park. You're going to get young lovers going to be there.

Duck boats, people in duck boats. You're going to get guys gambling on various games of chance. You're going to get a few gun transactions. Three-card Monty. You'rety gonna get some vagrants probably yeah find a blanket where you could buy a nice vcr um i literally had to dodge uh an insane woman who was screaming and uh like three quarters three quarters half speed running in a zigzag pattern, like evasive maneuvers type pattern down the narrow sidewalk next to the lake. Had to sort of dodge her to keep from being pushed into the lake. Was she coming at you or were you just in her zigzag?

Yeah, I was just up. I was in her. She was doing her own thing. Yeah. You know, I think in fact, in fact, if I was going to project, I'd say that she probably does her own thing most of the time. I would say they're probably connecting with others and understanding their needs. Sure. And where they're walking.

Doesn't do a lot of volunteer work. No, I don't think she does a lot of volunteer work. I think she just runs around in a zigzag. Yeah, I'd say probably her primary hobby was, if I was going to guess, resisting arrest. But it's hard to say for sure. Anyway, so I had to do that, like, literally to keep from going into the lake, which I have been in that lake. I've heard. But I don't care to repeat that.

Right. No, sir. But I don't care to repeat that. Right. No, sir. But more than that, there was two drunk guys circling each other with bottles. Like as weapons? Yeah, like 40-ounce bottles. Just like at the beginning of the bad video.

Yeah, exactly. They were like six or eight feet behind me and they had been picnicking together. I saw them picnicking together when I was walking towards them. So would you say these guys also fall into the category of young lovers? Yeah, they may have been. There was a group of four of them, but you gotta figure that they were all living

together Roger Sterling style. Sure. And they were definitely silver foxes. Right. So it's a group of four guys, like, picnicking together. They have 40s. I mean, they haven't got their lives together, these guys, but they're not vagrants, necessarily.

They're somewhere in the gray area between those two poles, lives together. I mean, could it be just that, you know, I mean, I'm just kind of trying to, like, understand these guys. I mean, I'm not going anywhere this week, but I'm just a television writer on hiatus. Are these guys, do you think they're also on hiatus? You know what? These guys probably write for Chelsea lately. Okay.

And they're just upset that she's decided to end the show. Oh, sure. So I can understand that. So they're taking a lax attitude toward work. Yeah, exactly. They may not even be on hiatus. They might just be taking a two-martini lunch. Yeah, exactly. They may not even be on hiatus. They might just be taking a two-martini lunch. Yeah, 240 lunch.

I use the metric system, so I'm so lost. You don't know how much these guys are drinking. Was it a little? Was it a lot? I saw them all sitting together. What do you call a big beer in Canada? Oh, like a 40. Oh, yeah, sure. Oh, yeah, sure.

Oh, like, no, I don't know what we would call it. Just a tall boy? A tall boy is like the tall can. That's the big tall can, right? But I don't know what the big malt liquor beverages would be. You got those in Canada? Yeah, we got those. What's your favorite?

Oh, well, just because we got them don't mean I use them. I use them. I use them. You use them for drinking. Yes, I use them. You got heroin in Canada? Yeah, we got some. How do you like heroin? Oh, I like, well, I like, my favorite brand is horse.

Yeah. Horse brand. Look for the one with the horse on the cover. The cover. Okay, so let's get serious about these guys. So they're all sitting, they're sitting on a picnic. How big were these horses? The cover. Okay. So let's get serious about these guys. So they're all sitting. They're sitting on a picnic.

How big were these horses? They're sitting on a picnic. They've got a blanket out. Yeah. So the four dudes are all sitting together, but they're all visibly drunk. And none of them looks, as I said, none of them looks at noon the way that someone should look at noon. Like too good? I would, yeah. Like they looked like they were ready for a black tie gala?

They were all wearing evening clothes. That's what I objected to. I was like, evening clothes. Americans think evening clothes are just for any formal occasion, but no, it's for nighttime occasions. It's like, guys, these are amazing tuxedos you're wearing. But you should be wearing day formal. Sure. It's for nighttime occasions. It's like, guys, these are amazing tuxedos you're wearing. But you should be wearing day formal. Sure. It's striped trousers.

Sure. They were taking videos of each other, size 11 and a half opera pumps. Heel slipping. Heel slipping. Heel slipping. So I hear this. As I walk past them, I'm thinking, huh, two of those guys were yelling at each other. And I get like six or eight feet away.

I hear this crash. And I look behind me and there's just a 40 bottle just crashing everywhere. And I'm like, oh, shit. And then I see one dude. The dude, I don't know if it's the first. I don't know which dude threw the first one. But the other dude has one. And he's chasing the other guy around the tree.

And the zigzag woman is not involved in any of this she's a third party gone a whole other fucking thing that happened in the same five minutes in the park so literally around a tree like a cartoon at one point the guy had his hands on the tree trunk and like looked around it with his head like, you know, that kind of thing. So this is some sort of like drunk Looney Tunes that you're describing. Yeah, sure. Yes. It was absolutely like that. And meanwhile-

The guy's wearing a shirt and no pants like Porky Pink. I realized that depending- He ran into a painted on tunnel. Depending on when they throw this 40 ounce bottle, I see that my wife's car is parked right there so then i'm like oh shit they're gonna fuck up my wife's car and then i'm like maybe i should be worried about actual physical injury to a human being and i was like well i could be worried about both yeah and so yeah but what was great was so the guy who seemed like he was the aggressor, the guy who had the bottle in his hand and was chasing the other guy around the tree,

he threw, but he threw so badly. He threw like a 50 cents first pitch level of bad throw. And it just sort of landed on the ground. Didn't even make it all the way to the guy who was maybe 10 feet away. Did the bottle not even shatter? It did not shatter. And that guy picked it up. Oh, no.

Yeah. Turnabout is fair play. That's very Canadian. Hoisted by his own petard. So the guy who had been the aggressor just did a full on, speaking of Looney Tunes, a full on like. He did a feats Don't Fail Me Now. Yeah.

Turned around and just busted fucking loose down the street. I know it's a little hack at this point, but I really genuinely think that this is a situation that could have used Benny Hill music. As tired as that is... Yeah. I think... I think the park should just have a playing 24 hours a day. No, yeah.

Just pipe it in. You know what? We're being ridiculous. Yeah. So I narrowly. And some sexy ladies are chased by a gorilla. I narrowly averted disaster. But what I was impressed by was as drunk as this guy was, he really did a good job running away.

That's great. Good for him. So in the end, I think there's a positive message for kids. Yeah. Learn to flee. Your instincts will kick in. Yeah. And your adrenaline will pump and you will be out of there.

Anyway, can we talk about crazy situations for a second? Because we have been invited to a crazy situation. Jordan, this came down through you. Typically something, you know, I'm the one that gets the candy in the mail because I work here in the office, et cetera, et cetera. I don't give out my address. Yeah. Can you tell me what happened? Are you?

Yeah. Okay. I got a nice listener. Can you tell me more about my story? Yeah. Well, I think, you know, you were a little scared, but I also thought it was funny. Yeah. And, you know, so you wanted to hang around and see it.

And let's not forget Lucy Liu. Sure. Yeah. Lucy's great. A nice listener sent me a Facebook message. She had heard we had been talking about Burning Man on the show. Uh-oh. And, you know.

Did someone tell her that we had been talking about Burning Man? I think she's a listener. Okay. That, you know, I think maybe her feeling was that, you know, we were either, you know, we were kind of ping ponging between joking about it and shitting on it. And I think this listener feels very strongly about it. So she said she very strongly in a positive sense. sense. So this nice listener, I think, through various channels, she's like, Jordan, if you

show up to Burning Man this year and go to Will Call? She's like, you've got a ticket. You can go to Burning Man. What is the ticketing situation? I don't know. That's something I'm going to have to get in on. You go to

information. Yeah. And guys, I am so excited. I'm totally going have to get in on. You go to information. Yeah. And guys, I am so excited. You're going? I'm totally going to do it. Yeah. Why wouldn't I do it? Right? I feel like it's something like Burning Man to me, I think it falls in the same category as the McRib. It's something I have joked about but have never experienced.

Oh, I experience it once a year. You do? You go get the McRib? In Burning Man. At Burning Man. Oh, yeah. You got to get those Burning Man McRibs. I felt like that was...

I don't know. Sometimes when people say that's a sellout move, I disagree. But when Burning Man put in the Mickey D's and they had that Justin Timberlake concert, it seemed like... He was great. So funny. So fun. And, you know, you might...

You'd make a nice big orange drink. Yeah, you don't notice there are very few laughs just because there are so many screams. Yeah. You know what? Justin Timberlake really is. I feel like he's as funny as he is great at being a shitty Michael Jackson as he is handsome. So he's not good at any of it? Is that what you're saying?

He's pretty handsome. When is Burning Man? Burning Man is in August. Oh, so hot. Late August. It's over a long weekend. Good. So the people can go back to their jobs?

I think because of work, I cannot be there for all of Burning Man, but I think I can be at Burning Man for a long weekend. I think it's something where maybe I could leave on Thursday night and stay through Monday. Do you want to borrow my goggles? Yeah. I mean, any steampunk shit you have. Do you want to borrow my goggles? Yeah. I mean, any Stingpunk shit you have, just give it to me. I need your duster. I need your brass boots.

Sure. My giant mechanical spider. Yeah, I do need your spider. Are there events, or is it just like, hey, we're going to burn a man later? Yeah, I guess here's the thing is I'm realizing now that I have this opportunity how little I know about the actual thing. I guess I know it as the stereotype, as the – you know, it's the place where yuppies go to relive college and it's, you know, it's – It's druggie. Yeah, it's druggie and dirty.

There's camps. Camps. I know a few things about – I'm from San Francisco. I know a few things about Burning Man because I've built up some knowledge over years of resentment. I always got confused with Bernie Mac. Right. Who was in Full Throttle. It's a stand-up comic from Chicago who honed his arts telling jokes on the L train.

Do you, I have a friend who went to Burning Man one year and he said there was a huge traffic jam getting out because there's just one road in and one road out. And it was blocked by some people had moved a couch into the middle of the road and were having sex on it. Oh, I hope that happens. There are camps. They're like little towns. Sure. And they each have their own identity. Yeah. I there there are camps. They're like little towns. Sure. And they each have their own identity.

Yeah. And their own specific kind of art installation that they do and their own like sort of world. Yeah. Of rules and or not rules and or expectations and or whether or not there's a generator. Yeah. and or whether or not there's a generator. Yeah, I was talking to a friend in Seattle when we did our shows there who goes to Burning Man, and she was saying that this year she is doing historical pre-makes. It's like a – or sorry, historical pre-enactions. It's a re-enaction of a historical event that has not happened yet.

So like a future war. Yeah, okay. A war in the future. So yeah, I think there are different places you can go for different themes. And you, like, I feel like it's too chaotic. Like, I don't know, like, if I brought my one-man show there, would I have a space to do it, or would I be assigned a time? Yeah, that's a great question. I don't know how organized it all is.

Or, like, I don't want people walking by. I want people seated. Sure. You want them to get a drink at the bar first. Yeah. Sit down. Yeah. I'm very focused on the one-man show experience in the middle of a desert.

Right. Do you have a place to stay? I don't. No. I'm going to wing this. Hopefully, I'm going to get 100 emails. Yeah. Right now, JJ, go at maximum.

Yeah, I am definitely going to rely on podcast fans to help me out a little bit. Ronnie right now is outside pointing at himself. Stay with me. Stay with me. I do have a couple of buddies. Now that I've got this, I am finding out who I know in LA goes. And yeah, I think I know a fair amount of people. Is it in California?

It is in Nevada. Black Rock, Nevada. Are there, is it, it's not on this- So gambling is legal. The Salt Flats? I don't know. There won't be any land speed records taking place? I hope someone's in a rocket car.

Oh man. Blue flame. So I'm going to do it and I'm going to try a drug I've never tried before. Oh, do you know which one yet? Ayahuasca. Yeah, Ayahuasca. Yeah, just be fucking destroyed. I can't do anything that destroys me too much because I have to go back to work at some point.

Oh, boy. That's what everyone at Burning Man says. I think I can be there for like four days. That's pretty good. Which I know is, you know. But yeah, I don't really like long vacations anyways. Yeah. Even if I am shrooming the whole time.

The shrooming human. Because you're always running from something. I created this character called the shrooming human. Oh, what's his catchphrase? I'm the shrooming human. Oh're always running from something i created this character called the shroom and human oh what's his catchphrase um i'm the shroom and human oh that's a funny i mostly did it to annoy my uh of my wife's aunt uh because i'm sure she knows people like that but uh it was we're talking about aunt sheila yeah we're talking about aunt sheila hey what's going on aunt sheila she didn't answer um i uh yeah she did but she just did it when she was listening. The shroom in human is mostly a posture. Oh, yeah.

That's a fun posture. That's fun. He limbo's really well. I'd like for you to go in some kind of camper van. Yeah. If I'm given... I mean, I have to drive up there in a Scion. I'm not going to buy any kind of new recreational vehicle.

You can rent it or borrow it. Yeah. Do I need a new license? You should borrow it from the guy who lives in his van on my street. Yeah, right. Can I drive this shit to Burning Man? You can live in my Scion. You should do a house swap with him.

Oh, yeah. He could live in my apartment and feed the cat. And you can live in his weird van that he lives in on my street. That's not a bad idea. And he'll just be, you know, he's a nice guy. He waves when you drive by. Sure. And sometimes when you drive by, he's yelling different stuff at himself.

I was watching Last Comic Standing, and they do backstories on some of the comedians, and one of them is a guy who lives in a van. Oh, yeah. And joined a gym just to use the shower. Keenan Ivory Wayans. It was Keenan Ivory Wayans. Yep. Yep. Yeah.

Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, I'll probably have to drive my Scion up. What drug are you, what drugs haven't you done that you'd be willing to do? I don't know. That's a good question. Have you ever used mushrooms? I've not used mushrooms. Maybe that's it.

Maybe that's it. That's a pretty obvious one. I guess I'm afraid to hallucinate. Use amphetamines then. Use an amphetamine. Yeah. Yeah. I'm afraid to hallucinate. Use amphetamines then. Use an amphetamine, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I'd say go with amphetamines. I say if you're afraid to hallucinate. Maybe like ecstasy.

What about Celebrex? You've never used ecstasy? I've used Molly before, but I've not used it. But it's like the same thing, right? Yeah, I think it's roughly the same thing. Yeah. I'll just do that again. Ask your doctor about the purple pill.

That's true. I mean, obviously you're going to do that. Yeah, what about Viagra? Oh, yeah. Let's walk around with a boner. Yeah, totally. Yeah, if anybody's got some Cialis, blast a few of those, wash it down with some ayahuasca. What is ayahuasca?

And I'll find my spirit boner. My boner is a snake. Cool. Keep it away from any mongooses. keep it away from any mongooses um ayahuasca is like it's like a um it's like a tea that uh causes a you know blackout euphoric pre-death state okay yeah so like hallucinating i think yeah it's basically that one simpsons episode with right the the yeah the, the hallucinating chili powder. Yeah.

I think this is going to be exciting. Me too. If you have Burning Man advice for Jordan, call us. Yeah. 206-9844-FUN. Leave it on the voicemail. Because I want to get into this. Yeah, I'm taking offers on which camp to stay at.

Okay. Yeah. So you're a free agent. I mean, it's going to be tough to top historical premakes. Uh-huh. But if you got something better, I'll hear it. Yeah, sure. I definitely want to.

Yeah. I mean, I love the idea of being a participant in a future war. Are there any other historical events other than wars that, like, oh, the discovery of. Time travel. Yeah, a new element. Yeah. I think it's mostly going to be either wars or just open sexuality.

No strings attached. Or just like future celebrity deaths. Dakota Fanning's death. Where were you? Just obituaries for celebrities that haven't died yet. Oh, that's great. The Oscar in memoriam reel from 2020.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. Have you made vacation plans yet? The second annual Atlantic Ocean Comedy and Music Festival is ready to set sail this summer. And we want to see you on board. Imagine amazing comedians, stellar music and beautiful Caribbean views. Imagine amazing comedians, stellar music, and beautiful Caribbean views. It all takes place July 25th through 28th, en route to Nassau, the Bahamas. And frankly, we've impressed even ourselves with this lineup of bullseye favorites.

You've got Moshe Kasher. I was in an airport recently. You ever see somebody and you're just like, oh, so you're what's wrong with everything in the world kyle canane anybody else in here gets so drunk last month you had to call a cab just take you to wendy's w come out bell so complicated my feelings morgan murphy i don't know if you guys know what a facelift is it's when they take your face skin and they peel it away from your face and in that little space there, that's where they find your self-esteem. And besides them,

Greg Barrett, Chris Fairbanks, Karen Kulgarov, Natasha Leggero, Guy Branum, Tony Kameen, and Carol Kolb, plus an awesome music lineup hosted by John Roderick of the Long Winters and featuring our pal Gene Gray. Come on, what else are you going to be doing? Don't miss the funniest weekend of your life.

Get your tickets right now. Go to boatparty.biz. Yeah, that's right, boatparty.biz. The Atlantic Ocean Comedy and Music Festival. Comedy, music, shuffleboard. Butters nut. What? Comma. Old butternuts. Old butternuts. Old butternuts. I think we settled on butternuts old comma. We have a guest in the studio. He is, you know, once in a while we have somebody observing the show. We like to invite them into the program.

A proctor. When we take, yes. When we're taking calls, his name is Ronnie DeVries. He is a longtime Max Funster, an OG Max Funster. Sure. I would call, I wouldVries. He's a longtime Max Funster. An OG Max Funster. He's ocean grown. I'd describe him as being... Just like the most delicious of weeds. Of the

Craxworth era. Ah, sure. A Craxworth era Max Funster. Yes. I wrote a blog post on MySpace and Jesse responded to it in 06, I think. See, there you go. That's what the fuck we're talking about. Ronnie and I played Gears of War 2 together. 2? 3?

3. 3. No, that's not that old. Ronnie's here, and he was kind enough to come a day early to Max FunCon in order to work on the ventilation in our awfully ventilated studio. And it's doing great. It's already significantly improved. It's cold in here.

Yeah, it's nice and fresh. There must be some clovers in the atmosphere. Ronnie, thank you very much for that, and welcome to the program. It's a joy to have you here. I figured if I just kept gesticulating wildly out the window, eventually you would invite me into the booth. And you are, you're headed to, based on your gesticulations, you're headed to... A chicken dance marathon.

You're headed to Burning Man this year? Yeah. But it's your first year? Yes. Are you bringing a camper van? I'm going to be staying with some people, but I'm bringing this, like I said, this art car I'm building. Are you going to build an art car? You know, I might glue a bunch of happy meal toys onto my scion does that count yeah that's a pretty

much the definition of an art car yeah i think you just look up art car in the fucking in the dictionary a bunch of happy meal toys glued to a scion yeah no offense ronnie no we had a class at the hackerspace i work with the guy who guy who built the something Tabernacle Choir. It's a bunch of Billy Basses. It's like a thousand Billy Basses. And they all sing to the, like he's programmed him to sing to the songs and dance to different songs. Sure. Wait, different songs?

Not just the Billy Bass songs? No, no. Not just take me to the river. He has like 50 different songs. Wait, any song? He has like 50 songs he's programmed. He's got some Teddy Rutschman tunes. It's the Sashimi Tabernacle Choir.

Wow, what a waste of a man's life. But great. I mean, for me, it pays off for me. I think for him... Because you don't have to go to Burning Man. He spent literally years of weekends doing this thing, and at the end of it, he gets... You know, that's fun to watch for about

45 seconds. But for me, I enjoy it. It's 50 songs. It's like... A Bruce Springsteen concert. Yeah, exactly. The last three hours. But done by Fish. Yeah. For Rockafire Explosion. Does he drive it on the street?

Yeah. Our car was in the um the galveston mardi gras parade i was in front of the dancing queen it's a two-story tall uh disco van um it's a it's a it's a school bus pulling a school bus that's a giant nightclub and i've got a good video of them playing uh your your power jam what is your power jam you come out to take me to the river tuck me in no you're you get pumped up oh uh you dropped a bomb on me by the cat band yeah yeah that is that's a great song to get pumped up i um recently in san francisco uh there was a and in the san francisco bay area there was a mobile fuck unit oh sure the uh yeah the uh the make-out van, the fuck van, something like that. Yeah.

Yeah, we did something about it on At Midnight. Yeah, that sounds fun. Getting there in that place where everyone else is fucked. It's just like a moving van, and they would park it outside of bars. Okay. Mostly gay, but sometimes all. It had a built-out interior. You want to go to an all bar? Yeah sometimes all. It had a built out interior. You want to go to an all bar?

All can come. Dancing's not great. Surprise, surprise, it was run by steampunk circus weirdos. I saw a picture of them. I was like, yeah, that's about the people that built that. God bless them. You know what? I kind of miss those people.

Now that I haven't been living in San Francisco for a long time, there's a part of me that wishes there were more people going around in pink Doc Martens. Oh, are you from San Francisco? Shut up. I feel like you mentioned it. We almost made it an episode. We almost made it an episode. When something momentous happens to you the listener like i give you some insight

into what it's like to grow up in san francisco tough it's tough where are you from vancouver yeah i couldn't tell because you just say the name of a street but then don't say what city it's in i don't know what you're talking about something that happens sometimes okay oh yeah oh well it's tough uh uh listening to these la podcasts and not knowing, oh, my God, what is the Grove like? Well, what are the movie theaters? How are the movie theaters there different? When something momentous happens to you, like if you get some insights on San Francisco from me, we ask that you call us at 206-984-4FUN for momentous occasions.

Let's hear the first call. Hi, Jordan and Jesse. This is Ivan calling from Vancouver, Washington with a momentous occasion. So I'm driving into work this morning. It's early. And I pass a truck on the freeway that says on the side, F-U-C-H-S lubricants. I'm not sure how I pronounce it, but I'm going to say it's fucks lubricants. Thanks, guys. Cool.

These are lubricants like for machine parts, probably? Or for fucking. Yeah, sure. The human machine. For fuching. Fuchs. Is that the Canadian pronunciation? Yeah, well, that's F-U-c-h yeah fuchs fuchs um i i hate to be that guy but technically that wasn't a moment momentous occasion that was an overseen

oh okay wow so you're saying he called into the wrong podcast so you think it wasn't momentous enough it was it was a little bit too boring to go on our show. Yeah. We've had a lot of reports of pun, of vulgar puns in small trade business names lately. Are we closing the door on that? I'm closing the door on it.

Okay. So you know, if someone has a Are we closing the door on that? I'm closing the door on it. Okay. I... So, you know, if someone has a, you know, I don't know, just spitball it here. If someone passes by a pound cake business, it's called Pound Town. You don't want them to call that in? If they took a trip to Pound Town? Yeah, I mean, I guess if somebody takes a trip to pound town if someone travels to say butte montana right and uh there's a um like a fuck bonanza you don't want someone to

call in about that seems fair if i'm going to burning man this year i should probably go to butte fuck bonanza too right oh i mean it it's cheaper. That's true. They never sell out. Less corporate. Sure. Ronnie, you recently, you've had a number of building and repairing shit related careers, but most recently you mentioned that you were some sort of apprentice plumber, correct? Yeah, technically I'm an apprentice plumber, but yeah. But?

But, well, what's the but well really all i do is just like i come into a house and i take a machine apart and i find a little thing that needs to be fixed and it takes about five minutes and i just charge them 140 dollars you just blew the roof off of the plumbing industry my friend we don't mess with anything that's like drain related only only the clean water side. On the clean water side, ultimately, do you think that you will go into business for yourself, and do you have any interest in

having a vulgar pun name? I would think I would pick an explicit name, just right there. Just Cunch Plumbing? Huge Dong Plumbing or something. Huge Dong. See? there just like balls deep plumbing a huge dong plumbing or something see now that's smart we don't beat around the bush at you yeah except for that except for that particular pun usually we don't do that there's the one we're above that yeah um let's take yeah

i'm tired of innuendo too i agree let's just just get it out front there. Tits haircuts. Wait, are there haircut places that are doing vulgar puns now? I thought they were all haircut. Oh yeah, I guess I was just thinking of a business that frequently had puns. Cut the hair on your tits. You're also required to put a K for the C

and it needs to be scissors. Oh yeah, sure. Exactly. A cut above. Tons! You're also required to put a K for the C, and it needs to be scissors. Oh, yeah, sure. Exactly. A cut above. Nonsense. With a K that's scissors. A K that's scissors. Okay, play the fucking next call. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, go.

This is Rachel calling from Eugene with a bit of a moment of occasion. Recently bought a used car from a dealership, so I didn't know who the previous owners were. And then I just got a letter from the DMV that there had been an issue with title transfer, and so I was able to see on this letter the names of the previous owners of my car. And the first names of this couple

are Fury and Knowledge. Different last names. I couldn't tell you what genders they each are, but Fury and Knowledge used to be driving around Eugene in a 2000 Lincoln Continental. Until they sold it and I bought it. Just thought you guys needed to know that. Keep it up. Bye.

Oh, man, I want all of our listeners to drive 2,000 Lincoln Continentals from here on out. I think we'll say Furies. So what are the, in Greek myth, what are the Furies? Those are some women who control time. What do I look like, Dallaire? I feel like Fury and Knowledge are kind of above having a gender, right? They're probably pansexual. Yeah.

I'm about to be a father, and we're talking about a lot of baby names. And Fury is at the top of the list. Knowledge, we're not so hot on. Right. It creates an unreasonable expectation. Well, because Knowledge is a little weird. Yeah. It's not like you want something down the middle like Fury.

I was beaten up in high school by a Knowledge. Oh, okay. Well, knowledge is power. Ed Punches? That's the name of my pun business. Oh, gee whiz. So, Jordan, you seem like you do have an idea of who the Furies are. I mean, the baseball Furies?

The baseball Furies, yeah. It's the baseball gang from the Warriors. Nick Fury, of course, director of S.H.I.E.L.D. But yeah, I guess I was thinking of Greek mythology. I'm imagining a bird woman that controls time by snipping a thread. Sure. I don't know if that's true. It drives a Lincoln.

Yeah, it drives a Lincoln. I think I'm combining lots of Greek myths here. And it's half horse. It's half horse. But it's definitely a woman. It has the head of a bull. It has the head of a bull. Also some bird qualities.

Lives in a box. And it controls time by snipping a thread. And it got pregnant by Zeus. Sure. Yeah. Married to her own brother or something. I think it's a pretty safe bet it got married. It at least got fucked by Zeus.

Probably got impregnated by Zeus. Threw a bunch of fire. Yeah. These are the Furies, right? Yeah. We've got it. Just lash it to the mast and let's do this thing. Oh, I do not want to be corrected on any of this, by the way.

And don't jokingly correct me because you heard me say- Joking corrections are even worse than regular corrections. No corrections. Just say you like the show. Or don't. Or don't. Say nothing. Say nothing. Just say you like the show. Or don't. Or don't. Say nothing. Say nothing.

Don't respond. This is our gift to you. Don't correct my gift. It's a beautiful gift of a Greek mythology mashup. Can I ask you guys a serious question? Yeah. Anytime someone tries to correct you, just say, oh, I was doing a mashup. I have the girl talk of knowing things.

Would you correct girl talk? I have a serious question. Would you correct Danger Mouse? I have a serious question for you guys. Shoot. Number one, neither girl talk nor Danger Mouse actually do mashups. Common misconception. Okay. Oh, I'm glad. Thanks for that

correction. I enjoyed that. You got the joke! You understood the joke we were telling. Thanks for the fucking correction, Twitter! Did I confuse a Marvel superhero that was active on Earth-616 instead of the Ultimates universe? Fucking great. I'm getting corrected on my own goddamn podcast.

Jordan just... What's a tech... What's technically a mashup? Did it come about in San Francisco? What's the clam chowder like? Oh, God. Sorry. And your second point, Jesse? So my wife says that I shouldn't drive a car that doesn't have room for a car seat anymore.

And I can't decide what kind of car I should drive. You're driving an Audi Touring Trophy right now, right? I am, exactly. The TT, the Touring Trophy. Wait, so she doesn't, she thinks you should not have a car seat car? She thinks I should have a car seat car. Okay. Because we have two children now, and while I sometimes, what we'll do right now is take the car seat out of my wife's car, put it into my car. And you can put the car seat in, but you can't have someone sit in the passenger seat.

Just trunk those little nuggets. So Teresa just sits on the decollet or something? Well, no. If we're all going, we'll go in Teresa's car. Anyway, it's got a big spoiler. It's a nice, comfortable place for her to sit. car um anyway it's got a big spoiler it's a nice comfortable place for her to set um but uh i realized like uh i uh i just want to drive a jaguar yeah like that's the only kind of jag you know you're going to get a correction on that pronunciation right from someone

well i'm going to get a correction on that's like the worst idea of any idea you could possibly have to own a Jaguar, I think, is like the worst decision anyone could make. Because they break down so much? Yeah, it's like the most horrible car you can buy, I think. What's the appeal? What's the appeal of a Jaguar? It's

got four doors. It's a big four-door car. But it's not like a mercedes especially here in la is like just a car for dickheads you know hold on which one rich mercedes is or the jaguar the mercedes is see the jaguar the bar is so high here to be above it the jack yeah but they just listen just get yourself a nice ducati yeah Yeah. Throw the kids on the back of that. Get the loudest motorcycle. And head off to the hookah bar.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I just don't know. I don't know. What do I get? What do we get, a Subaru? Yeah. A Subaru? That's what I got.

What about a station wagon? Weren't you guys looking for station wagons? In Vancouver, you're just issued a Subaru. Oh, it's great. It's the best car ever. It's the kind of car my mom drives. Oh, your mom rules. Yeah, my mom does rule.

That's true. Weren't you guys looking at station wagons for a while? Well, my wife got a station wagon. Okay. I feel a little ridiculous driving around a whole station wagon, but then what am I going to get, a Corolla? You'd like an A4. But then I'm, the whole thing is an Audi is another bad kind of car to drive. The whole thing is an Audi is another bad kind of car to drive.

The only reason I drive an Audi is because I like the touring trophy so much. Can I ask you a question? Yeah, Ronnie, I'm going to open the floor to questions Jimmy Pardo style. Have you driven a Ford lately? I have not driven a Ford lately, but maybe that's what I'm thinking. Maybe I should get myself a nice Lincoln Continental. What was it? Town car.

Town car, yeah. Give myself a 2000 town car. You know, our friend Tyler used to drive a town car, and he always wore a driver's cap. Okay. And then everyone fell in love with him. Yeah. Jonathan Tyler Thomas style. I think, yeah, just go for a car. Oh, please correct me on Jonathan Tyler Thomas, though.

Yeah. We love him. Keep him coming. Keep him coming. What? No, but this is a sincere question because. Just like get a car that like a 16-year-old gets when their grandpa dies. Oh, yeah?

Like a Buick or something? Yeah, like a Buick. A Skylark? Like there are like, there's like a big Lincoln. I could get like a big Lincoln. Those lose all their value right away. So I could buy a six-year-old Lincoln. I could get like a big Lincoln. Those lose all their value right away. So I could buy a six year old Lincoln. I had an, an infinity FX 35. I got from like CarMax for like $22,000 and I sold it back after a year and a half for $20,000 to CarMax. See,

that's the thing. That's what, that's what I'm looking for. I'm looking for a $15,000 six year old car. That's my goal. $15,000 six years old. Reaching for the stars. Subaru? Oh, Subaru you get less than $15,000 for a six-year-old. Not if it doesn't have a lot of unless it has a lot of miles on it. Oh, no, man. Subarus hold their value very well.

That's the problem. The thing about, like in the 80s, people would make fun of people driving Volvos for being like you're a sellout. You're a yuppie. You had kids. You bought a Volvo. And then Volvo priced themselves out of that market.

They tried to become luxury cars, and they could never go back. And now Subaru has filled that. So if you want to be a sellout like me. Yeah, but then I'm just a guy. Then I'm exactly like, I host an NPR show. I can't also drive a Subaru, right? I have to bring something to the table car-wise. So you want some panache, but you don't want to go douchey?

What is panache for an NPR host? A Jaguar. A fucking Jaguar. If it was up to me, I would be driving like an 80s Jaguar. Get like an Alfa Romeo. An enormous. Oh, sure. Like it's super fast

it has a wood dashboard and it breaks down every 30 fucking seconds but I don't even have a garage what am I

I shouldn't even have a car fuck it I give up yeah bus only bus only from here on out problem solved

we'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Dave Shumka, here we go. Once again, time for my nickname, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Oh, Dave Shumka. Here we go. Once again, time for my nickname, Old Butternuts. Butternuts, old, comma.

And I'm Ronnie Easy Money DeVries. Excellent. Sorry I said DeVries and not DeVries. I'm going to let it slide. I feel like a real... You know, Ronnie really does have to let it slide. Ronnie is significantly larger than I am. Ronnie could like... I feel like Ronnie could pick me up with one hand on my head.

Like a Hodor situation? Yeah, he's a real Hodor. Although he has said things other than his name, to be fair. That's true. What if being a real Hodor meant that not only was Ronnie only capable of saying one word, but that word was Hodor? And people would be confused. Are you Hodor from the show Game of Thrones? And he'd be like, Hodor.

But when he said it, it would mean, no, my name is Ronnie. It's just a coincidence that I can say only the same word. You know what I mean? It's purely a coincidence. Are there any other people famous for just saying their name? Groot. It says, I am Groot. And what is Groot from?

Guardians of the Galaxy. And just the Marvel Universe in general. What's Groot? It's a tree man. What is Guardians of the Galaxy? Groot here. It's going to be a movie a little later this year. Vin Diesel will do the voice of Groot.

He's the one who will say, I am Groot. I bet Vin Diesel's into fucking Groot. Oh, yeah. Vin Diesel's totally into Groot. That guy already had a Groot t I bet Vin Diesel's into fucking Groot. Oh, yeah. Vin Diesel's totally into Groot. That guy already had a Groot t-shirt he wore to the audition. Yeah, sure. So, wait. So, Groot is Guardians of the Galaxy.

Is that that thing that's like that Jack Kirby invented in the 70s? Oh, boy. I don't really know when it was invented. That's everything, I think. Yeah, yeah, sure. That's most things. He's got the guy from Parks and Rec. That's the pet rock. Yeah, Chris Pr sure. That's most things. He's got the guy from Parks and Rec. What's his name?

That's the Pet Rock. Yeah, Chris Pratt. Going to be the lead of that movie. Probably going to be pretty good. Chris Pratt's great. That's why he'll be good. Sure. Okay, let's get off the subject of Groot, because right now people are sending us emails about Groot to correct us about Groot.

When Groot was created, and by whom? It's been a lot of fun to have you on the show, Dave. It's been Groot was created. And by whom? It's been a lot of fun to have you on the show, Dave. It's been Groot. Dave Shumka is the host of Stop Podcasting Yourself. It's just a delightful program. I listen all the time. I enjoy it so much. I never don't listen.

I've never not listened to my own show. Really? You listen to every episode? Well, I edit every episode. Oh, okay. All right. And I'm there. Yeah, guys, thanks so much for having me on own show. Really? You listen to every episode? Well, I edit every episode. Oh, right. And I'm there. Yeah, guys,

thanks so much for having me on the show. It's a real dream come true. DCT. A real DC talk. And Dave, do me a dream previous was to attend

a DC talk concert. Sure. And to name one of their songs. And that dream never came true. Yeah. Do me a favor, Dave, and grow back that sweet stash.

I will take that under advisement. Okay. And Ronnie DeVries, thank you so much for bringing DeVries to our studio today. I think you're this DeBeers diamond that you gave me. I'm talking about your farts. Gotcha. And thanks for my famous sandwich. Yeah.

We got Ronnie a famous sandwich for lunch. So he's getting paid back for all these free words. Sure. Whoa. Sandwiches are expensive. What are those, $9? $206, $984. $8?

For fun, maybe even $12. I'm not going to lie to you. Worth it. $206, $984 for fun is our phone number. JJ, go at MaximumFun.org is our email address. Jennifer on the board today. Our producer is Sunny D out there in jolly old England hanging out in London making a television show for E. I don't need to say that with a contemptuous voice.

No, it's a fine thing to do. You have another kind of voice. That's a good point. That's a good point. I wish him the best. And our theme music is Love You by the Free Design, courtesy of the Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. You can join us on the forum, forum.maximumfun.org. A nice pickup this week in the JJ Go hashtag.

I enjoyed reading some JJ Go tweets on Twitter. We read those fuckers. Let's talk amongst ourselves. I'll star those. If it's not a correction or a weird slam about how a guest talked too much, I'll star it. Yeah. You're pretty good about starring. Yeah.

I like to encourage people to get out there. Join the conversation. I do it with my stars. I probably won't retweet you. I might retweet you. Yeah. You can say something really good. Sure. I don't retweet you. I might retweet you. Yeah. You can say something really good. Sure.

I don't give a shit. You know what I mean? Yeah. If you follow me, fuck it. You're getting a lot of bullshit. Jesse, you retweeted a blog post of mine once, and my traffic went from like five people a month to like 200, and then right back down to five where I like it. Yeah, because I'm a social media influencer. Social media influencer. You have a style.

You have a shotgun Twitter style. Yep. It's timely. It's news centered. Kim Ye. Hashtag Kim Ye. Hashtag millennial. And keep an eye on that millennial stuff because that's hot right now yeah we'll talk to you next time on jordan jesse go

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