Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 333: Baby Unstein with Linda Holmes

Episode Date: July 14, 2014

NPR host and writer Linda Holmes joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of the Quaker religion, the Television Critics Association, and social clubs for adults. Action item: send in JJGo and MaximumFun merchandise ideas!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Beautiful day in Los Angeles for folks concerned that they haven't been getting the weather report from here in Los Angeles. Beautiful day. I'm going to say it's 10,000 degrees outside. in Los Angeles. Beautiful day.

I'm going to say it's 10,000 degrees outside. And just yesterday, Richard Thompson was warming up in the band shell right by the office while I was trying to record my show.

Who's Richard Thompson? Richard and Linda Thompson. He's a famous sort of folk rock singer, songwriter. Okay. The 1970s. Just hanging out over there

in the band shell doing some of his legendary acoustic guitar playing. Sounds fun. No, it wasn't. So you were doubly annoyed. You were annoyed because of the heat. And then old Thompson comes in, starts jangling it up. And you blew your top.

You know, I want to see- It made you go on one of your signature rants. I'll tell you what I want to see out of that park. Dia de Pesca. That's the fish day. Sure. The youth fishing, what was it? The youth fishing jamboree?

Something like that, yeah. Let's introduce our guest on the program before we get into what I want to see out of the park outside of our office. Linda Holmes is the author of NPR's Monkey Seed blog about popular culture. She's the co-host of the Pop Culture Happy Hour, a program much more popular than our own, over there at the National Public Radio Network. Just because it's better. Yeah, I know.

We're better. My throat's so good. We're so thoughtful and funny. We go see all the different things we have opinions on. Linda, welcome to the show. Thank you, Jesse. So these are the things, Linda, I'm including you in this now. These are the things I want out of that.

I want children fishing. I want little boats. There was a remote-controlled motorboat out there the other day. What happens is I can't see the lake from my office. My office is in the back. I got the crappy view. But the rest of the staff is out there, and they got the big-picture window looking out on the lake. It's beautiful.

They call me out if something important is going on. Oh, yeah. All you can see from your window is a billboard for the Rocks Hercules. Yeah. You know, that's not a bad view now that he's looking good. It's certainly shapely. He's looking good. By the way, Dwayne Johnson, thank you.

Oh, he's back to The Rock now. What? Yeah. No, he's Dwayne Johnson on the poster for Hercules. Oh, I don't know. Come on, Jordan. Sorry. He's just Dwayne Johnson.

I think he's back to The Rock. Doesn't he say The Rock occasionally? No. He might say The Rock occasionally, but that poster says Dwayne Johnson. It doesn't even say Dwayne The Rock Johnson. I think it depends on what he's doing. I think like when he's acting, he's Dwayne Johnson. And I think Hercules counts as acting.

That's true because he's a historical figure. Well, exactly. Which he called when he's race car driving. Does he have a different name for Indy and NASCAR? Probably. You don't know. F1? He could have a lot of names. I want to see

remote controlled things. Just in general. Right, sure. I want to see... Boats, planes, cars. I want to see any kind of coordinated dance or fitness class. Sometimes there's a Zumba class out there. That's a lot of fun because everybody's doing Zumba and you're like, what's everybody doing Zumba out there together in a park?

You know what I mean? It's just fun. Where better? It's just fun. But I don't want Richard Thompson. Is there any musical act you would find acceptable? Is there anything that you kind of want to hear a muffled version of from your office? Well, the thing is our office does some serious muffling.

Yeah. So what do you want to hear muffled? Possibly dub reggae? Oh, yeah. That might improve dub reggae a little bit. Because you're only getting the low end, I assume. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

I mean, yeah. You're only getting the low end, I assume. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I mean, yeah. I mean, it used to be that at NPR, Bob Boylan of NPR Music used to call everyone over to look when there was a particularly nice rainbow to look at and sometimes would make an announcement over the PA. And they knew it. Who let Bob Boylan control the PA? In our old building.

I'm not sure. I've never used the paging in the new building. But in the old building, any old person could pick up the phone and page everybody. You hear a lot less paging in the new building. If I was writing a joke about the funniest possible thing for the staff at NPR to do, it would be run into a room to see a raid boat. No, no, no. You think that that's true because I have not yet told you about the time at the new building that everyone crowded onto the terrace outside our little new fourth floor terrace. And kissed a picture of Neil Young. No. Went out there to look at the sunset. Oh. And when the sunset was over, everyone clapped.

That is an absolutely true story. And we came inside and my friend Gene Demby of NPR's Code Switch said to me, I think that what just happened is what everyone who doesn't work at NPR thinks people do at NPR. They applauded a sunset. They applauded the sunset. In my imagination, everyone then just jumps off of the balcony and parachutes down into their L.L. Bean Edition Subarus. No, it was just – I mean it was great. You go out there and everybody – And it drives right to the Zither store. Everybody was having a very nice moment.

We all just went out there. I mean the building was very new at that time and the terraces were pretty new. So you would go out there because it was a nice evening. You could be outside. It's a beautiful building. I've been to this – Jordan, you could be outside. It's a beautiful building. I've been to this. Jordan, you haven't had the opportunity to visit this building as simply a listener to National Public Radio and not a partner.

That's right. As I am. Right. But I went out there to NPR and got a tour of this new building. And you got all kind of nice stuff. You got bumblebees. They got their own bumblebees. Those don't sound nice.

We got bees. Those sound like there's ouchy potential there. Jordan, you got to wear a bumblebee suit. Oh, okay. Like that guy from The Simpsons. I mean, they're not at our desks or anything like that. Okay. No, they're out around the flowers collecting nectars. They're out, but maybe I heard they died.

Yeah, I heard something sad about the bees, but I don't remember what the end of the story was. I mean if they – if in fact we have to start over with new bees, I think we probably will. But I'm not sure what the status – So these bees were like brought in? It's always a hassle when you have to train new bees though. Yeah. No, they were bees. I'm not sure the current status of the bees, but they brought in a couple of beehives that were on the roof, and they serve a couple of functions.

They are, first of all, fun to look at. Sure. I'll look at a hive. I'm not too good to look at a hive. It's a green thing. Sure. It's a green thing. It's good for the environment.

It's part of your environmental program. When you build a new building, it can be part of your program. Now, are you concerned about them getting into bonnets? Is that a concern? Well – What if Ophabia Quist-Arkton is in town? She's wearing a beautiful bonnet. Yeah.

I mean I don't know. I stay indoors in a way. I will say my Pop Culture Happy Hour co-host, Stephen Thompson, said when they first opened that building, he sort of said, it's like they're trying to play on all of my fears at once. We have a lovely, beautiful new building, but we covered it with bees. We should mention there's a shark tank, too. Yeah, exactly. And you're called upon to do random public speaking. Yeah, it's true.

And then someone reminds you that we all die alone. I'm glad you brought up your co-host, Stephen Thompson. I've been really worried about this ever since you guys were kind enough. When I was – I was just in town for like a conference at NPR and I ran into Linda and she said, oh, we're going to tape later today. You should come visit the show. And so I was ecstatic to go and do that because I was very bored at the conference. Extremely bored. How could you be bored?

How could you be bored in Studio One listening to presentations? It's because I wasn't sitting with the people from On the Media. They're the fun ones. If you're wondering who's the fun ones, it's the people from On the Media. You've got to find the fun people. Yeah. You were stuck with those teetotalers from Morning Edition. Oh, boy.

I didn't meet anyone from Morning Edition. I don't even teetotalers from Morning Edition. Oh, boy. I didn't meet anyone from Morning Edition. I don't even think I know anyone from Morning Edition. Come on, Morning Edition crew. It's noon somewhere. Let's start. Nice people. Morning Edition. I went up and recorded your show.

It was super fun. I got to meet all of you guys. I've listened before. I was a really fan of the show. It was super fun. I got to meet all of you guys. I've listened before. I was a really fan of the show. It was an honor and a pleasure. And as I was leaving, as my segment was done and I had to go, I told Stephen Thompson how much I enjoyed reading his writing in the A.V. Club when I was in high school. And I didn't mean it as like, hey, look, hey, old timer.

Like when I was in high school, you were already writing in the A.V. Club. I really meant that I really enjoyed reading his writing in the A.V. Club. Reading the A.V. Club when I was in high school was really great because there weren't and there weren't other outlets at the time. I mean, there barely are now, but there weren't other outlets at the time to read about the kind of stuff I was interested in. And it was very inspirational to me. I'm sure Stephen Thompson just thought I was telling him he was old. I'm sure he recovered. I'm sure that it was more important to him that you enjoyed the A.V. Club, which was his baby.

He founded the A.V. Club. Then it is to think about his impending mortality, which he talks about quite a bit himself. I should clarify. He's a man who is in touch with his mortality. I had a good-looking teen come up to me recently and tell me that she loved listening to Jordan Jesse Goh while she was in the womb. Apparently her mom, in order to make her dumber, would put headphones on her pregnant belly and pipe in Jordan Jesse Go. It's like a reverse Baby Einstein. Yeah, exactly. Baby Un-stein.

Yay! We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, If that's what it takes to get you to listen to Stop Podcasting Yourself on MaximumFun.org. Don't make Dave drink bleach. Just listen to the show. He will, but don't make him. Stop podcasting yourself. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Linda Holmes, Quaker Avenger.

She's ready. Wow. She's right there. Now, do you avenge the deaths of Quakers? Because they can't avenge themselves? No, I was raised Quaker. Oh. I was raised Quaker. Oh. I was raised Quaker.

I went to Quaker school when I was growing up. So I grew up in Wilmington, Delaware, and I went to Quaker school in Wilmington. Now you're my double friend. That's right. I'm your small F and large F friend. Now, was it your goal when you came of age to date a shaker? No, you know. Shakers don't exist anymore.

That's true. They died and they can't have sex. They died from not being able to appropriate. They've made it difficult for themselves to continue. God, what's the sell on shakerdom? The ecstasy. Oh, that's right. The ecstasy of the Lord.

The furniture, right? Oh, yeah. Those two things. The ecstasy. Oh, that's right. The ecstasy of the Lord. The furniture, right? Oh, yeah. Those two things. The ecstasy and the furniture. You get those gorgeous boxes. Yeah, the plain but well-made rocking chairs. Yeah. And then the ecstatic writhing. Whereas the great thing about Quakerism is you get

lots of silence, which is actually a lovely thing. I mean, if you've ever heard me talk, you wouldn't necessarily think that I would be into that, but it's actually- You're just making up for a childhood of silence. It's actually a lovely thing, like to have it built into your, particularly your school day or your school week. It's, you know, to go to school where every day for a few minutes, everyone sits quietly.

It's not a terrible way. Wait, so really? Like where the Pledge of Allegiance would be or something something there's just a quiet time here's the thing quakers a quaker quakerism is a religion of non-violence that would make me want to punch having to sit quietly i mean and reflect yeah i mean you at least get used to tolerating it, even if you don't get anything out of it. And then once a week at my school, anyway, once a week, you actually do have a 40 minute meeting for worship and you just sit. High school students, middle school students, you sit. It's 40 minutes. And you're not allowed to read a book? No. Not even the good one?

No. What about a bad book? That would be what it would take. You can't read. You sit. You sit quietly. And this is what I'm saying. It seems like it's something that they wouldn't be able to tolerate. But they do. They learn it. And then you can tolerate it fine.

If you wanted me to read the Bible, a good way to get me to do it would be to say. This is the alternative to sitting silently? Yeah, exactly. Then I would become a voracious Bible reader. Well, and the thing is in the Philadelphia area, Quaker schools – and it's somewhat true in the D.C. area too. But in the Philadelphia area, Quaker schools are much more common. They're just – They're like scrap.

They're a very common kind of private school. It's not like a – it's not as weird of a thing as it would be. Were your parents serious Quakers? My mother was a Quaker. My parents taught at the school. Oh, OK. So my parents were both teachers there. I looked up.

I thought – my wife and I, when we were trying to buy a house, were trying to figure out what to do about where my son and later my second son would go to school. And we were lucky enough to find a neighborhood that has a good elementary school, although the other schools are horrible. But before we did that, we were thinking about, oh, what if we found out that there was a friend's school in LA? You know how much private school costs in Los Angeles? Oh, tons, I'm sure. Even religious private school.

It costs like what college costs. It costs like $35, dollars a year per student. Well, as I said, when I was growing up, my my parents worked there. So, yeah. So you just got you just got in there. Now, when you say when you say that the other schools are bad, you have to buy your own buckle shoes. No, that's a myth about Quakers.

Well, you know, the the confusion with pilgrims is frequent. But, you know, actually, most Quakers nowadays, you know, since a couple hundred years ago, most you would not be able to identify on the street. Well, I would be able to recognize my high school American history teacher, Miss Letterer. Who was a Quaker? Yeah. Yeah. But I suspect she did not have the – I did know a guy in college who – that came up one time and he said, oh, go buckle your hat.

What accent was that? His. Yeah. I don't know. Just a weirdo. Mook. Yeah. Jesse's getting it.

Go buckle your hat. Generic mook. Just a goober. Go buckle your hat. Do you go to meeting and stuff? I don't anymore. I mean I don't – it's funny. I haven't ever kind of thought about I'm not going to go anymore.

I just have kind of not gone as an adult. But I sometimes go if I'm home or occasionally with my sister because my sister goes. I thought about – you know, when our friend Maria Bamford was here last week – jeez louise – yesterday, and she was describing – Jesse, I think you beat yourself up too much for that mistake, that very reasonable mistake. Really? Yeah. Okay, I'm tired. The last show that we did.

It's fine. On last week's program, our friend Maria Bamford visited, and she talked about her Unitarian Universalist church that she goes to for community and baked goods. And, you know, I – Well, she said cheesecake. I guess cheesecake isn't baked. Is it? Yeah, I believe cheesecake has – there's some baking involved. I'm going to go to our resident baker, Jen, on the boards.

Jen does a lot of baking. She's going to have to look up whether there's any baking involved in cheesecake. Maybe it depends on if you're using a pre-made crust or not. There is baking involved. Okay. It's confirmed. You know, it's funny. Like, I went to church as a kid.

I was an Episcopalian. And I worked in a church as a young adult, also an Episcopalian church. And I liked, up until I was a teenager, liked going to church because to church because you don't have to actually go to church. You just go to Sunday school and Episcopalian – like lefty Episcopalian Sunday school. Not that didactic. Not that didactic. And I liked working at the church a lot. Everybody is real nice because they worked at a church.

They had chosen a life of morality. You know what I mean? Like that was their like number one priority was to be closer to God who they associated with making moral decisions with their lives, you know. And I miss going to church a little bit except for that I'm totally an atheist. Like not an angry atheist. I appreciate other people's faiths and so on and so forth. But like I just don't believe in God at all. And Unitarianism seems nice but made up.

And I wish that there was a type of church that I could go to that was about something that I – and I don't care enough about atheism to go to one of those atheism churches where they all read – whatever it is that they do. I've heard it described to me. I didn't even know that was a thing. It's a thing. They just kiss a picture of Carl Sagan. They just put baking soda and vinegar together. God is alive. I've made a volcano.

Look, if that's what floats your boat, I'm all for that too. But I do like the idea of getting together with everybody in my neighborhood once a week. Yeah. And like knowing which old ladies need a ride to something. Sure. I mean that is the function that – that's a function that religion serves for a lot of people I think. I don't think your feelings about that are uncommon. I mean I think the question is how self-conscious are you about going along a certain amount of –

About thinking that I believe in God? I would feel like a real heel. I'm not suggesting you should do this. I'm just saying. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. Maybe I should – you know, the most recent Episcopalian church I went to was the leftiest of Episcopalian churches. Like it wasn't just that there were women and gay priests.

I don't – like there was barely straight or male priests. You know what I mean? Like it was like there was a painting of Malcolm X, not a Christian even, and a bear. One of their saints was a bear, like a saintly bear. I don't remember what the bear did. Probably drove around in a little car in a Russian circus. I remember that one of the saints – they had this huge mural of all these saints, you know, and one of the saints was Paul Erdos, the mathematician. And Paul Erdos was famous.

First of all, he lived with his mom until he was like 40 or 45 and she died. And she like did everything for him. So he didn't know how to do anything. And he was single. And so he would just live with colleagues. Their wives would take care of him. This is in like the 50s when lady mathematicians were few and far between. So they all had wives.

Their wives would take care of him, like literally do his laundry, feed him, so on and so forth. And he would solve their problems for them. Like he would do their math for them. Sounds like a saint to me. Yeah. Anyway, that church, I kind of feel like they didn't care if I didn't believe in God, but I'd rather not hear a bunch of God stuff. So what do you want to have? So you just want to hang around in a room? I guess I just want there to be a coffee urn. I want to watch the football

game, but with people that are really, really nice. Is there a way you could do that? You need to like join the Elks. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I want. I got to find, I want like an Elks Lodge that isn't focused on making business contacts. That's just focused around like being cool guys together. I think if,

if I lived in a smaller place, I think an Elks Lodge or other fraternal organization would be a better fit because I think if you live in a town of a couple thousand and you're in the Lions Club, the Lions Club is just all of the dudes in the town. Right. And the Lady Lions Club is all of the ladies in the town. Right, right. You know what I mean? Right. And then it's sort of a cross-section.

Whereas if you live in Los Angeles, the Elks that are at the Elks Club are going to be real Elky. Right. They're like hardcore Elks. Yeah, they're going to be super, super – I don't know how I feel about the phrase hardcore Elks. I'm all for it. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.

It sounds like you need some sort of – Maybe a little Elkhorn moose. It's more force creatures in there. I like the good works angle. Sure. That's a bonus for the – and I like – one bonus for the fraternal organizations, I think it's the Elks have this really cool club underneath Union Square in San Francisco that I'd really like to be a member of. Even as a non-drinker, I'd like to go there and drink or something. Yeah, there's one of those here in Hollywood and I shot something there once and it was

the coolest wooden bar, random collection of sea captain photos on the wall, like a room dedicated to pictures of like famous college football coaches. It's pretty amazing. It's, yeah, it's on Highland. I don't know what you have to, I mean, I guess you just have to be a member, right? You know, my wife went to Sarah Lawrence College and Sarah Lawrence apparently has a reciprocal relationship.

They recently announced that they have a reciprocal relationship with the Princeton Club, which means that you can join the Princeton Club if you want to, if you are a Sarah Lawrence alum or a spouse of a Sarah Lawrence alum. So my wife and I briefly considered joining it. It turns out it's pretty expensive and the advantages are pretty slim unless you live in New York City. The advantages are pretty slim unless you live in New York City. But I would also just belong to a social club if those weren't only for rich assholes. Sounds like you need a kickball team, buddy. Get yourself a kickball team. Have you considered scouts?

Yeah. Adult scouts. If there was adult scouts, even as a non-outdoorsy person, I would join adult scouts right now. That's exactly – you need to start adult scouts. You make things. You're a guy with ideas. You're a guy that goes out and starts stuff. Jesse Thorne's adult man scouts.

And then instead of like – Jesse Thorne's man scouts. Instead of like building – That looks like we're out looking for that. It does. You might need to work on the name. You have one of those flags and you're just peering out. You might need to work on the name. Wait, when you say run of those flags, do you mean a rainbow flag?

Yeah, I mean the flag can have anything on it. Okay. You know, one of those like old time scout flags. I'm making a hand gesture like I'm holding a long pole and it has like a little orange flag at the end. Is that what that is? Like a scout flag. Scouts have flags? Yeah, they plant it.

Oh, yeah. Like a group of Asian tourists. Sure. Their leader has a little flag that they hold up in the air when they all get off the bus. I think that's what it's for. And it keeps everybody together. I guess that makes more sense than what I thought was it was for the scouts to like claim something. Yeah.

In the name of the scouts. Yeah. And then they can legally kill any other scouts who try and come near their campfire. I claim this river in the name of the scouts. Yeah. In the name of the Duluth, Minnesota 412 Badgers. Yeah. That's what you need.

Yeah. So yeah. Maybe it could be like adult hipster scouts where you guys instead of making boxcars, you can start a new podcast. And then you could talk about like beard theory. You know what? Hemp cheese. Make your own mason jar. If we're going to do dude stuff, I am all for there being some confusion over whether or not it's a gay organization.

No, sure. Not because – because number one, I'm not, you know, I'm married. You know, I don't need to worry about whether people think I'm gay or not. Yeah. Number one. You actually should not worry about that anyway, even if you're not married. It's not a, it's not a, it's not an issue for me in terms of meeting and talking to ladies. I see.

Look, there was a time in my life when this was a significant issue. I gotcha. When I was in arts high school and I was really skinny and I was an actor, et cetera, et cetera. I hear you. But that's number one.

So I don't got to worry about that. Number two, I think it would be more fun. If there was... If it was like half gay guys that thought it was for like just looking for dudes. But then they would be disappointed when all you guys did was swap slow cooker recipes. And they'd meet each other.

No, that's true. They could meet each other. So for them it would be like a dating organization. But I guess – For the guys who came to Man Scouts thinking it was Man Scouts. But they would – but that dating would form the cohesion. That would be like the glue in the wood chips that would turn us into particle board. Yes.

You know what I mean? Yes. Each man a wood chip. That could be our slogan. That sort of sounds... That sort of sounds... All jizz, some glue. Yeah.

That sort of sounds like you're going in a great direction, Jesse. I think this is going to be a great... And we just meet once a week. We just work on a project together. Yeah. And then we do a charity fundraiser. Have you thought about just getting a group of friends? It sounds like you just need some guys to call to come over and hang out.

Jordan's like, I'm trying to find young children. Achieving friendship is impossible. I need a structured I'm trying to find two young children. Achieving friendship is impossible. I need a structured social environment. Sure, you need a... Consider it a fraternity. Yeah.

Living in a fraternity house. Calling someone that you like and asking them to do something. I'm going to call my friend Vince Vaughn and Will Ferrell

and see what they have to say about this. I guess that is like ultimately, ultimately what it's about is when you have small children, one day you'll learn this. And you don't have any children, right, Linda? Correct. Okay.

One day maybe both of you will learn this. It's so all-consuming that you're barely able to do any friendship activity at all, even with friends you may have already had. Like so all-consuming. And especially in a place like here in L.A. where I feel like a lot of people I know don't have children. So you can't even like try and do double-header parent date type things. Right. It's very tough to figure out any kind of social time of any strength. So you think it would be simpler if it was at a lodge and there was dues? Well, I just think, yes.

And a newsletter. Yeah. Well, I mean, I think that's why everybody goes to church on Sunday. It's so you can talk about your neighbors, right? It puts in structure. And also God and faith and morality. Structure around community socializing. Yeah. Yeah.

It's like what Maria was talking about, putting that bench out in front of her house. Why do you think Maria put that bench out for the meth heads? It's because she's trying to foster some community, Jordan. Who isn't? I don't want it to foster some community, Jordan. Who isn't? I don't want it to be kickball though. Kickball is pretty – kickball is, you know, kickball is virtuous. I think that's – yeah, that's kind of the thing I think about kickball sometimes is I'm like, oh, it's become such a symbol of like, you know, arrested development, goofy, urban white people. But I bet it's pretty fucking fun.

I bet they have a blast at kickball games. You go to the bar afterwards. Yeah. You can just play softball, though. You need some kind of a team, man. That's what it is. You need some kind of a team. I think the curve is different.

I mean, I think as someone who has managed a softball team that was unsuccessful, I think you just think about if that was with a giant round red ball and it was okay to drink during it. Team or quilting bee. Oh, yeah. Yeah, quilting bee. This is why the ladies on the – this is why the pioneer ladies made quilts. Yeah. So they could get together. They could do something productive.

They could be with their friends and they could tell everyone we're making quilts. And it has a purpose. And we all have a joint and common purpose. We're not just sitting around yapping. They all share a joint, the pioneer ladies? We have a joint purpose. Puff, puff, pass, stitch. Puff, puff, pass, stitch.

A joint purpose, Jesse. A joint purpose. And that's what you need. To puff the gun. Yeah. Exactly. Get super blazed. You need a purpose with your, you need friends

but a purpose. And this is why I come back around to some sort of adult scouting. Just whenever anyone has a baby, they just get presented with a beautiful quilt and on it is just a pot leaf and 420 friends. May your baby not grow up to be a narc.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, yes we go. Bikini season. Volleyball time. Hot dogs and hamburgers. Get ready to the Olympic dive. Fourth of July. Are you ready for rollerblading rain time? That's right.

It's Erin and Brian from Throwing Shade, if you didn't know from that very clear intro. We take a look at issues involving ladies and gays, and we treat them with much less respect than they deserve. So watch out, punks. So, hey, download us and take us to the beach while you're doing your summertime fun. Bye-bye. Linda Holmes, Quaker Avenger. Hey, I want to mention one thing before we get any deeper into the program. That is this. We are revamping all of our merchandise lineup at MaximumFun.org. That's great.

Everything. I'm talking about T-shirts, mugs, tote bags, possibly magnetic poetry. Oh. Awesome. All kinds of cool stuff. Glow in the dark stars from my ceiling. Potentially, but I don't see how that would tie into, I guess we made the rock. I'm just like, yeah, something you could get in the same place that you would get magnetic poetry. Oh, okay.

Something from the same zone of product. Excellent. Spencer's gifts. Spencer's gifts. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. We have pasta shaped like the penis of all of the hosts. And some vaginas.

We're looking for ideas for Jordan and Jesse Go shirts and mugs or whatever. Sure. Merchandise of any kind. What do you want? We want to put together a couple of things. So if you're out there and you're a designer, send us your ideas. Lindsay at MaximumFun.org is the email address to send it to. L-I-N-D-S-A-Y at MaximumFun.org is the email address to send it to. L-I-N-D-S-A-Y at MaximumFun.org.

It's a paid job. Doesn't pay that great. Not going to lie to you. Well, if it's very, very successful, you get paid because we pay you by how many we sell. But, you know, it's a few hundred dollars job if we go with one of your designs. few hundred dollars job if we go with one of your designs. And, you know, we're just, obviously, we're looking for people who are really into

Jordan Jesse Go and want to do it for a fun thing they want to do it for because we don't really make any money off of the merchandise either. We just do it so that we have stuff for people who want stuff. So, yeah, if you've got an idea, you know, whether you want to send Lindsay a design or you want

to send her an idea or you want to – whatever, email Lindsay. She's your gal. I'm pretty stoked about it. We've already got a lot of cool – we've already reached out to some designers that we know who've made some really cool stuff for some shows. And also like one related thing, I asked what kind of MaxFun merchandise would you like to see and a lot of people told me a full short t-shirt yeah we have a full short t-shirt

go to MaxFunStore.com I think we made it while we were recording the episode didn't Brian make it while we were recording the episode while we were recording the full short episode so go to MaxFunStore.com right now and buy yourself a full short t-shirt or just a Jordan Jesse Go t-shirt.

Sure. Tons of fun Ts. Yeah. maxfunstore.com. Anyway, I want to talk to Linda Holmes because Linda Holmes is in Los Angeles at the TCAs, which is the television- Television Critics Association. And this is where you and other entertainment journalists are fetid.

F-E-T-I-D. No. Are celebrated. It's pronounced farted. Parties are thrown in your honor by all of the major television networks and programs. That is not the – that's not the primary purpose. The primary purpose is to entertain like what? Claudia Schiffer?

Well, no, the primary purpose of TCA is a very long series of press conferences. Cindy Crawford, other supermodels. Naomi Campbell. No, we all sit in one giant room and they bring up on

stage the cast and creators of show after show after show after show after show. And we ask them questions. It's like a big press conference. And you go to like over the course of two weeks, a little over two weeks, you go to maybe 100 of these press conferences. Yeah. Of these press conferences. And they present the show and you ask them about – no, people ask about all kinds of stuff.

They ask about the creative process. Sometimes they're the really – sometimes they're the questions about like where did you get your idea or are you like your character, ones like that. like 12 actors and someone says, can each of you say whether you're like your character and everyone in the room just kind of wilts because you really don't want to – You know, it's strange. They go look down and start reading a Bible. It's strange because, yeah, those questions are so silly. But in that kind of big group setting, what makes a good question? I guess I would roll my eyes to it. Are you like your character? But I guess I wouldn't know what to ask instead.

Yeah. I mean, it really depends. It really depends on the show. And a lot of times what makes a good question is a good answer. And you can't really tell. There are certain ones that I consider to be silly questions. But a lot of the time, you ask a question. It's an intelligent question, whoever asks it. But there's not much to the answer. But then other times, it depends on who the person is. And there are certain people who appear at press tour year after year after year who have a good reputation for giving good answers. There's a guy, John Landgraf, who runs FX, who's like their big content guy.

He is like an interesting dude. Every time I hear him get interviewed, like, you know, you think of, you know, a guy who runs a network as kind of like scummy and, you know, maybe not that intelligent. He's an interesting guy. He's a totally interesting guy. You have to watch out because, you know, I think he also has a way of sort of charming the room. Sure. And then it's kind of everybody just is like, he's so smart and he's so great.

And, you know, you want to stay a little bit outside of that. I think I will watch The Strain. But he is always an interesting guy to listen to whether or not you sort of buy every answer that he's giving. He's always an interesting guy to talk to. If you're me, you're buying all the Archer-related answers. Of course. Emmy-nominated. Archer.

And, you know, but then there are situations where people come in and, you know, maybe they – it just really depends on the person. Some people are much more candid than others. Who's a disaster? Let's get serious, Linda. Let's name some names. Who had a nip slip? What was the disastrous answer that you heard? Okay. Well, I have not really heard

any disastrous answers at this tour yet. Right. But the most difficult answer that I recall hearing about, and it happened at a tour that I didn't happen to be at because they also hold them in the winter and I don't usually come in the winter. Because who wants to come to L.A. in the winter? Right.

You want to stick around Washington, D.C. But when there was a panel – You don't like weather that's pleasant. You like portographically hot. Exactly. You have a side business as a sidewalk scraper. There was a panel that Oprah Winfrey did where she was taking questions. For about

own? Probably, yeah. And she was asked a question about her dreams as a young person. This is kind of a legendary story now. She was asked a question and her answer was 18 and a half minutes long. Wow. Which, when you have a bunch of

people who want to ask questions at a press conference and they're all on Twitter because everybody is sitting in the room with their laptop open on Twitter, which is something that's – I've been following you on Twitter. It's been a lot of fun. I kind of said to myself, maybe I should mute Linda Holmes while she's at TCA, but I'm really enjoying it. You're doing a great job and you're not being annoying.

Thank you. I encourage people to mute some of the time, all of the time. It definitely is a larger volume than you. Isn't the mute button lovely? Isn't it just the best thing that Twitter has done? It's the best thing. I'm so pro-mute. Especially for something like this because when all the critics, if you're interested in television

and you follow a bunch of critics and they all go to this event and they're all tweeting about the same panels, very often they're interested in the same quotes. It's like if everyone you know goes to Southwest Southwest or Comic-Con. And all of a sudden they're all at the same – it's like if everyone you knew who went to Comic-Con was at the same thing at Comic-Con every time because we're all at the same thing. Another good use of the mute button I found is if someone is rude to you and you never want to hear anything they say for the rest of your life.

Right. I use it for that too. I use it for that too. Forever and ever. But, uh, so for so long... I mean, why not block for that though? Because then they know that you block them. And they get to complain about...

And they can... Okay. Yeah, they go, oh, he blocked me. They feel like they won, I guess, too. Like, if, yeah, if people were rude to me, I would just block them without doing anything. But then people would be like, oh, Jesse blocked me just because I said something critical or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, look, like, I don't need to hear.

I don't care to hear about it. You know what I mean? So this mute button. Do you enjoy the satisfaction of knowing that they don't know and they're hollering down a well? No. Because I do a little bit. But I guess if you mute someone, you can still see what they do at you. No, you can't.

You can't. Oh, really? And that's what I like about it. It's like they're muted. Huh. But you can't even see them doing at you. I feel like I've muted some people, but I've seen them at me. Shouldn't be. Interesting.

Maybe I'm doing it wrong. That's what I like about it. I was wrong about Dwayne the Rock Johnson. I'm wrong about mute. Yeah. They don't know. We're going to have to bring back Jordan was wrong next week. Oh, God, please let's like about it. I was wrong about Dwayne the Rock Johnson. I'm wrong about Mute. Yeah. They don't know. We're going to have to bring back Jordan was wrong next week. Oh, God.

Please let's not do it. That was the – A lot of people are going to be tweeting at you about what you were wrong about. Yeah. That – of all the mistakes I've made, it's going along with the Jordan was wrong segment because then I feel like that started – That sounds terrible. It was bad. Years of email correspondence.

Then I feel like that started. That sounds terrible. It was bad. Years of email correspondence? Years of me having to say, to preface everything was, maybe this is wrong. Don't email me. We used to be like people enjoyed a fun game was to spot, you know, when I was wrong about comics or movies or what Dwayne Johnson was calling himself. Do people not enjoy spotting when Jesse is wrong? Because my experience is people enjoy spotting when anyone is wrong. I think the fact,

I think so. I think you're right. I think, and I'm sure you've gotten it. But then it got a name as a goof. It got a name. Yeah. And then people were jerks about it. Yeah. So anyway. Yes. So Oprah went on for 18 and a half. That's a healthy response. This is what you want to do in your Oprah. Someone's like, yeah, Oprah, what were your dreams

as a child? Flight and invisibility next? Let's come on. Keep it going. What do you get out of this though, Linda? Well, for me personally, it is a time when you hear about a lot of shows all close together. You get a much better sense of kind of what the sort of what direction they're going. Like the year that we came and all the panels were about different shows about like what does it mean to be a man? Like the year they were doing like male insecurity stuff.

And you – Like in sitcoms? Yeah. Sure. And if you saw each one – Like one guy is fancy and one guy is a slob. Like two years ago, right? Yeah.

And if you saw each one individually, it wouldn't stand out as much and you wouldn't necessarily get a chance to ask them all about it at the same time. For somebody like me who mostly is a critic and doesn't do tons of interviewing, it's also an opportunity to like, I ask questions at these press conferences. So I get a chance to ask questions of like, you know, executives from networks and people who run shows. And I asked Vince Gilligan a question yesterday about doing the Breaking Bad thing with Bob Odenkirk. And like normally I don't – I mean I'm not – I don't focus enough on interviewing to do a ton of it.

So for me, it's a great opportunity to be able to ask a ton of people a couple – a question or two within a very concentrated period of time. Plus I'm imagining there's shrimp, right? Are there shrimp? Sometimes. Sometimes there's shrimp, right? Are there shrimp? Sometimes. Sometimes there's shrimp. I mean, they do. Is there a green salad with a balsamic?

There's parties. Finger quiches? Sliders. There have been sliders. Probably some sliders. There have been sliders. They brought us. For the return of Jerry O'Connell, sliders.

No, but the other day, for example, we were doing the press conference about this six-part documentary for the National Geographic channel. It's called Eat the Story of Food. And they kept bringing out, like they brought out little things to us for each

part of it. So they brought out like a little, some kind of little, I think it was some kind of little like vegetarian patty Oh, that's fun. all this promotional crap and like just you just and you're sort of most of which you throw away because like i'm going to take home a plastic spatula that's branded to the nat geo or whatever like you're going to put it in your luggage and carry it on an airplane to get it to you use it to make a frittata later i think the first time that i came to tour i i kind of you have that feeling of like oh it's it's a t-shirt i I should take that. That's a perfectly good t-shirt. And then the next time you move, you say, why do I have 86 thumb drives and all kinds of t-shirts and junk and hats?

And why do I have a Tonight Show with Jay Leno hat? I hate the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. And yet I have a hat. And so you do get much more, I think, discerning as you go along. Can I just a word about Nat Geo miniseries? I was watching before I before I left for here. I was watching a little bit of the 90s, the last great decade on Nat Geo. And they're a weird part is they were talking a lot about music, but they didn't seem to have the money to license a lot of music

so when they were talking about Nirvana they just had the goofiest wow wow wow wow wow wow wow just like the most awful neutered elevator music version of that

and I'm not I don't like Nirvana. I don't want to listen to Nirvana, but I'm like, this seems disrespectful. Can I say, I want to say one thing about our friends at the National Geographic Channel. Look, we all appreciate the National Geographic Channel. They're the channel that brought us MS-13,

the world's most dangerous gang. Sure. Probably the most legendary documentary in the history of entertainment and information, if I may, infotainment. If you may. Our friend David Reese has a show upcoming. Yeah, they've been running a lot of commercials for it.

On Nat Geo called Going Deep with David Reese. I've watched some clips for it on the internet. I've seen a couple of them. clips for it on the internet. I've seen a couple of them. If you don't know David, David did the cartoon strip Get Your War On. That was a very big deal about 10-ish years ago now.

And then more recently has been an artisanal pencil sharpener. He hand sharpens pencils, teaches courses on sharpening pencils. He sharpens pencils for a fee. I think it costs like $10 or $15. You mail him a pencil. He sharpening pencils. He sharpens pencils for a fee. I think it costs like $10 or $15. You mail him a pencil.

He sharpens it. He mails it back to you. It's an amazing – he's an amazing guy. Having watched the promos, one of which he was digging what he called a party hole. Indeed. Which was just a hole that was deep enough so that only his head was sticking out. I've seen that episode. And he didn't want, which he thinks is a party because he says he's uncomfortable around

people. So that's all the party that he would want. It almost seems like he's somehow, it's like he's got something on the president or the owner of the Nat Geo channel. It doesn't seem like it could possibly be a real television show is what I'm saying. And I don't know. I think I'm going to go ahead and call BS on the he's uncomfortable around people. I've been to Max Fun Con East with David Reese.

Reese likes to party. Reese likes to party. He's playing a character. I don't know. I think he might have been playing a character when he was rocking the party, though. If he was. I heard about that party. I heard that it was unbelievable.

It was amazing. It was absolutely amazing. I had this conversation with him because I saw him at – there was like a Nat Geo party the night before they did their presentations. And I had watched several of the episodes. Was it anthropology themed? No. It was actually – it's always animal themed. Like there's always like cute animals.

They had a big gigantic snake that you could get your picture taken with. Sounds adorable. It's like that. Sounds really cute. I was – I've been telling people this story because it's so weird. But David and I lived down the hall from each other in college. We didn't really know each other. We knew some people in common.

You went to a few foam parties together. So when I saw – so I've kind of been – I've seen him pop up in all these different things, the pencil sharpening thing and all that stuff. And I knew what he was doing. So when I saw the show come on, I was like, well, that'll be interesting to see what that's like. Because my sense of it was how can you have – my sense of it was I don't want to watch a TV show that's him at this kind of ironic distance all the time like he is in some of the other stuff. Because I felt like that's not going to be my thing because I'm going to feel like you're making fun of me for watching your show. So I watched the episodes and they're actually super charming because it kind of breaks down and you get these moments where he's just legitimately just thinks things are super cool and fun. Well, my impression is that David in the process of becoming an artisanal pencil sharpener, like I what happened is, this is all projection for me onto David Reese.

I think what happened is he thought, wouldn't it be funny if I was an artisanal pencil sharpener? Then he started, like, to do the bit, he had to artisanal pencil sharpen. And then by the time he had done that for, like, two years or however long he was an artisanal pencil sharpener full time, like, by the end of it, he was literally a professional artisanal pencil sharpener. He was earning his living sharpening pencils.

He had come to like sincerely love and appreciate all of the elements of it and the idea of doing something very deeply and in an artisanal way for the lack of a better term. And we sort of had this conversation because at this party, the publicist actually brought him up to me like, oh, I want you to meet David Reese. He has this new show. And I said, well, you know, David and I lived in the same dorm at Oberlin. And David sort of goes, what?

And then he said – and then all of a sudden he kind of goes, were you friends with – and he starts naming some of my friends from college. And I was like, yep, that was me. And so we sort of put this together and we're chatting. And I told him sort of the same thing. I told him that I had been curious about what the tone of the show was going to be because I did not feel like you could hold people at quite as much of a distance on a TV show as you can in a book. And he basically said it's really – I said my concern was, as I said to you, that it was going to feel like you're making fun of me for watching the show a little bit. And he said, I really don't want it to be like that and I'm really concerned that it's going to feel like that. So I really hope it doesn't feel like that. So I really hope it doesn't feel like that. When you start watching the show, there are these little moments that are clearly totally genuine, where like some person shows, like some expert, they go talk to like experts in making ice and stuff like that. And Dr. Shoelace,

who's an expert on tying your shoe. I saw one with a throw to a guy and he says, you know, Dr. Paul Gibbletown is a soil biologist. He knows more than 50 facts about dirt. But he gets into these conversations with these people. And then he gets super excited. And it's not – it didn't feel the way that I was afraid it might feel, a little bit like arch and weird. It actually was very charming. And we compared shoelaces because there's one about how to tie your shoes. And I told him that I had watched How to Tie Your Shoes. And then we compared shoelaces and mine was one about how to tie your shoes and I told him that I had watched How to Tie Your Shoes

and then we compared shoelaces and mine was still terrible and his was still awesome. What, do you got a granny knot going on? Well, no. It's that if you tie your shoes like David, you've got to get David to show you his shoes sometime. They're in these incredibly balanced, perfectly perpendicular to the shoe. They're supposed to be perpendicular to the shoe,

not parallel to the shoe, right? If it's... Yeah, perpendicular to the shoe, not parallel to the shoe, right? If it's... Wait. The knot is... Yeah, perpendicular to the length of the foot. Right. Exactly. Yeah, because otherwise it's a granny knot.

And so, whatever. I made my own popular how to tie your shoes video, ma'am. I'm just telling you... I feel like we're just applauding a sunset now, aren't we? Aren't we just applauding a sunset? I give. I'm just saying. Spoken like somebody whose shoes come untied all the time.

It's a charming show. I do need to tie my shoes more often than most. I'm very happy to hear that. I enjoyed it quite a bit. I like that, David Reese. I enjoyed it quite a bit. Can I finish my Nat Geo anecdote really quick? I know no one cares except for the guy who's yelling, finish your stories to the podcast right now.

They did not use much music from this. The one song that I noticed that they bought was Closing Time from Semisonic Fastball. Semisonic. And they played it over – A guy from my episcopal church was in Semisonic. So they played that over footage of – oh, gosh. I'm going to get the African country wrong. Bosnia?

That's not a country in Africa. Where's Bosnia? The Middle East? That's in the former – That's in Eastern Europe. Oh, OK. Gosh. Where was this?

It was some sort of thing where workers – Somalia. There you go. So they bought Semisonic and used it over tragic footage from Somalia. Yeah. Anyway. Good choice, guys. Good call.

Well, they put their money where they could do them the most good. Like, we really need this to have an impact. This was an awful – It's like when a bar closes. Exactly. Exactly. You can't buy booze anymore. Hey, finish your whiskey and your beer, guys.

Yeah, we're getting out of Somalia. Anyway, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Linda Holmes, Quaker Avenger. It's a beautiful day to be recording Jordan, Jesse, go. It's a beautiful day to have Linda Holmes on our program from the great pop culture happy hour program.

I say have some fun. Pronounce that last H. It's not the most – I have been known to say that if we had to do it all over again, we might give it a more like Google-able title or something like that. Something nifty like Bullseye. That's completely un-Google-able. See, that's the problem. I don't know. If you Google Bullseye, you get a British game show from the 1970s that was darts-themed.

There's questions about darts? About darts champions? They played darts on the game show from the 1970s that was darts themed. There's questions about darts? About darts champions? They played darts on the game show. Oh. That sounds fun. But I mean I would give it some kind of, I don't know. But then that puts you into a month-long naming conversation because naming things is the hardest thing ever.

Oh, it's the worst. I think Pop Culture Happy Hour is fine. I think all you needed to have there was NPR and pop culture and you're covered. And happy hour. I give up naming things pretty fast. I hate naming things. You could probably notice the things that I've conceived on At Midnight because the name is just what you're about to see. They like plenty of names on that show.

because the name is just what you're about to see. They like punny names on that show, and I don't know why anyone stops me, but it'll just be like, our next game, weird dancing videos. Like, that'll just be what it's called. So, yeah, I definitely give up really quick when it comes to thinking of a punny title for something. I think it's definitely the part of that job that I am failing the worst at is coming up with names. I would say The Sound of Young America was a bad name for roughly the last five years that that was the name of The Sound of Young America. And I just couldn't come up with anything. Actually, Roman Mars from 99% Invisible named it Bullseye.

Oh, really? Yeah. I basically just gave it over to him. I was like, I don't fucking know, Roman. Do you have any ideas? And he said, Bullseye. Yeah, he said Bullseye, which is a nice enough name, but it doesn't, you know, what you want. It was better than his first idea, Roman Mars' huge dick.

And I said, Roman, your dick's not even that huge. It's like medium size. And he said, but girth not length. Yeah, sure. And then you get into a whole semantics debate. We got into this whole thing, this whole back and forth. But, you know, in the end, we got something we could both live with. You know what I mean?

Yeah. When something momentous happens to you out there in our audience, we ask you to call us and share it with us for our segment, Momentous Occasions. Our telephone number, 206-984-4FUN, 206-984-4FUN. Jennifer, why don't you roll out our first call this week? Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. This is Jim. I'm calling from Worcester with a Momentous Occasion. This is Jim. I'm calling from Worcester with a momentous occasion.

About a month ago, I was driving about 2 a.m. in a deserted, desolate part of rural Connecticut, right near where Connecticut meets Rhode Island and Massachusetts. And I'm driving on a back road. There's heavy fog, miles from anywhere. And out of nowhere, all of a sudden, a deer comes storming out of the woods. He slams, the animal slams into the side of my car, catapults over the car and lands on the road. And I slam on the brakes, I get out, and I'm standing there looking at the deer. It's lying there on the road. From what I can tell, it has a broken neck.

I'm miles from anywhere. I don't know what to do. And suddenly, like 60 seconds later, out of nowhere, this tiny Toyotaota torso drives up and pulls up to me and the door opens and this guy gets out and he looks at me and he says i got this and then he reaches back into the car and he comes out with a tire iron and then he walks over and wham he finishes off the deer wow and then he hefts the deer up onto the roof of this little torso, ties it down with bungee cords. He looks at me again.

He says, don't report this. And then he gets back into the car and drives off. And this all happened within like about three minutes time. And I'm left standing there in the fog. And I'm thinking, did this just happen? But there's a big dent in the side of my car. So I guess it did. Okay. Bye.

See, that's momentous. Did we just hear a deleted scene from The Leftovers? That was insane and creepy. If your pet deer never came home. Yeah, right? It got hit by a car, bashed with a tire iron. If I had been taking notes on that call, my first note would have been, person from Worcester sounds like an old man no matter what. Sure.

Like, it's complete. The age of a person from Worcester, Mass. Yeah. Dan Wally, who makes the music for Bullseye. Dan's from Worcester. bullseye. Dan's from Worcester. And if I got Dan on the phone, there'd be no way for me to guess whether he was 85 years old

or 14 years old. I think it's an accent they call bait shop employee. Technically Dunkin' Donuts employee. Dunkin' Donuts employee. Wow. Yeah. I like that that deer killer has a catchphrase. I've got this. He's like really doing a good job branding himself.

If you want a T-shirt idea, it could just be I've got this with a picture of a guy killing, murdering a deer. He's not murdering the deer. That deer murderer is going to sue us. The deer is gone. I think it would have been fine. They're resilient creatures. No. Beautiful. You said I could kill a deer with a tire. The deer is gone. I think it would have been fine. They're resilient creatures. No. Beautiful.

You said I could get a deer with a tire. Yeah. Yeah. Mercy killing. No, it was a – number one, it's a mercy killing. Number two, this guy is strapping it to his car because he's going to take it and eat it. I think it's a – this guy is doing an admirable circle of life type shit. Do you think that the guy just loves venison so much that he is too quick to kill deers?

Like, oh, that one looks cranky. I'm going to take care of this. Like if a deer is looking gassy. Well, the question I suppose is whether he's just driving around looking for deer that have just been hit by cars. Yeah. Or whether he just happens to be there. It is Tercel. Yeah.

It is 94 Tercel. Me and my Tercel just go around. I'll tell you what. You know, there's like these, sometimes things happen to you when you're a kid and you don't realize their significance until you're older. And especially like if you grow up and your family doesn't have a lot of money and then you don't – like stuff happens and you realize later that that was a sign that your family didn't have a lot of money. Like when one of my friends from middle school gave me a used Atari Lynx for my birthday once. This was after the Atari Lynx was a desirable – the brief window.

links was a desirable, the brief window. But another thing that happened to me in middle school was I carpooled with this girl to school and my parents didn't have a car. So that's sign one. That's sign one when you're in a carpool and your parents don't have a car. But the sign two was this girl's mom bought – her car got totaled in an accident and bought, her car got totaled in an accident, and she bought a new Tercel, like an aquamarine Tercel. And I thought this was the single most unbelievably luxurious thing in the history of the world, to be able to be in a brand new entry-level Toyota, like just to ride in the backseat of that Tercel with its Marlins logo-colored exterior.

And clean ashtrays. Yeah. And two convenient doors that open and close. Radio with presets. Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. that open and close. Radio with presets.

Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Like I look back on it like that was probably an $8,900 car. But it was a new one. Your recall for your childhood is insane. It is? It's insane. I have been marveling at it lately.

I feel like there's only like incidents that I remember. It's frequent and it's so vivid. There's no – I have no narratives from my childhood though. All of my childhood is anecdotal. Yeah. I feel like if you go back 10 episodes, you have a weird, super detailed childhood anecdote in all of our shows. Man, I'll tell you a secondary anecdote from that first anecdote. So that Tercel had – it was difficult for me to get in and out of the back doors.

At the time, my dad had a car that he had inherited. It was a 77 Chevy Nova that was metallic brown and had tan plastic seats and was broken down most of the time. It was a horrible, horrible car. So that's why this was such a luxurious car to me. But the advantage that the Nova had was it was monstrous. a luxurious car to me. But the advantage that the Nova had was it was monstrous. Whereas this like 90, when was this?

This would have been 93. This 93 Tercel was small and two-doored. So I had a hard time getting in and out of the back seat. And one time, my carpool mate's grandmother was coming along with her mother who was driving us to school or to the bus stop, actually. And I got stuck on my way into the door. And I sort of fell a little bit and I managed to squeeze around. And any tall person knows that getting into the backseat of a two-door car is really hard. And I finally made it into the seat, you know, with a kind of a kerklunk and, you know, Finally made it into the seat, you know, with a kind of her clunk and, you know, put back the thing.

And the girl, Java's grandmother, turned to her mother and said, that Jesse, he's got two left feet. And then Java, being cruel and heartless, went to school and told everyone this story. And so for like two weeks, just grandmas were coming up to me everywhere at school that jesse he's got two left feet of all the things to be called or teased about at your childhood that's the most folksy and adorable it's like what a 23 skidoo he's a real pepper pot from a tiny holocaust survivor that Jesse he's the sweetest fondant I feel like you just need

a separate podcast for these this needs to be an I seem fun or Mike Schmidt style podcast called like San Francisco remembrances where you just monologue and everyone starts out with I grew up in San Francisco and then they this long story about something that happened.

There's always a Tercel in it. I'll tell you what, Jordan. I mean, I had an interesting life up until the point where I started working 100 hours a week on public radio, which honestly is a pretty boring thing. I feel like the one thing I remember from childhood is that the first movie I got to see by myself was Honey, I Blew Up the Kid. That's about as detailed as I could go about my childhood. But I'm just saying maybe slip under the covers, get a hot mug of something and just reminisce.

I think people would listen to it. I got to see Honey, I Shrunk the Kids with a group of people from the Boys Club, the Columbia Park Boys Club. I maybe wasn't tipping you off to start another story. That was not the purpose of that. I was maybe saying there's maybe a better place. I don't know. Can we segment these? Another story about Jesse's fraternal organization.

I think we got one more call, right, John? Hey, guys. This is Scott from Oregon. This is kind of a combined moment of occasion slash moment of shame. kind of a combined moment of occasion slash moment of shame. I was walking down the street to the library with my three-year-old son, and we see a Muslim couple coming towards us. The woman was wearing the niqab where you're covered from head to foot and only the eyes are showing.

He's three. He asked very loudly, what's that? And, you know, I was in earshot of them, and I tried to explain, oh, it's just something that people wear. But he wasn't having any of that and loudly proclaimed, no, that's Darth Vader. Hi, Darth Vader. And trying to engage them in conversation. And he was very excited to have met Darth Vader and wanted to talk with Darth Vader.

And all I could do was just stare into both their eyes. And hopefully they understood that I am a good liberal parent and my son is just a very big Star Wars fan. He knows what it's called. He knows what it's called. He could have said in front of them, like the part that's troubling to me about this is the part where he lets them roast in it. Yeah. Right? That's a teaching moment.

Well, he tries – to be fair, he does try and teach the kid right away when they're like distant, when they're, you know, halfway, half a block apart or whatever it is. But when the kid like runs up or whatever it is, that's when you want to demonstrate to the people that you're cool with that. Yeah. Vocally, directly. Sure. directly. Sure. And I guess what I always wonder when I hear a kid say something that's either like too old or so specific is like the parents

taught him this. Like he's just parroting something that the parents heard. So I feel like my first thing would be like, I am really sorry. Darth Vader is not my racist name for people who are Middle Eastern. Yeah, that's a tough one. Yeah. that's a tough one.

Yeah. That's a tough one. It's upsetting. It would be fun if you met Darth Vader, though. So you can see the appeal for the kid. So he could force choke you? I don't see why the kid is excited to meet one of filmdom's most terrifying villains.

I don't think Darth Vader just... Well, he met him and lived. I don't think Darth Vader would force choke you in a social context. Yeah, he would. Just walking down the street, you think he'd force choke you? Oh, totally. I don't think so. He's single-minded.

When has Darth Vader been fun or showed tact? I don't think you've ever seen him in a social situation. Yeah, you don't get to see that side of him in the Star Wars movies. That's true. Probably when Rian Johnson writes his Star Wars movie, you'll get to see the social side of Darth Vader. Darth Vader's hanging out

at like a, you know, like a red checkered tablecloth Italian restaurant. Right. Having linguine. Right. You know?

He puts it, I don't know where the hole is. A nice clams casino. I don't know how he gets it in that helmet. Yeah. Well, I think, I think what,

I think if the, It has to be linguine. He's got to suck it through the, I figure, I figure there's like, to a gas. Yeah. Well, I think if the- It has to be linguine. You have to suck it through the- If they superheat it to a gas. Okay. And then he inhales it? Yeah. I assumed that it might just click open like a top and bottom separate.

But with like a little metal tab sticks out and we just never noticed it. You know, like opening and closing, like a tin toy from the 1950s. Right. Right. But you've just never. I just don't think, I don't think you've ever had a chance to see him. He's got to have a, he's got to have a social side. Yeah.

I mean, everybody does. He can't be thinking about war all the time. What would he do if it was peacetime? He seems like a man consumed to me. But what would he do at peacetime? He's certainly a man consumed to me. But what would he do at peacetime? He's certainly a man who's not afraid to consume some linguine. That's true, yeah. In the form of a gas.

Yeah. You know, funny story about linguine. I grew up in San Francisco. What was the temperature out the first time you saw Star Wars? Oh, boy. Jordan, do you really not remember things from your childhood? Not as vividly and as often as you do. It seems like everything triggers a childhood memory with you.

That has a very long story attached to it. I had an emotionally impactful childhood, I guess. Yeah, sounds like it. Well, sorry for ruining the podcast. No, no. It's not a bad thing. It's just it's – I'm not saying I don't want you to remember childhood. I'm just saying it's kind of amazing.

Yeah. I don't know. Did you ever meet Darth Vader? It's a little hard to contribute to. I guess I could just say... You could ask a question. That's true. I ask a question of you sometimes. Once in a while. Sure. Yeah. But no. It's really amazing.

Okay. I just asked if you ever met Darth Vader. Sure. Because I was hoping for a Jesse story about meeting Darth Vader. And I think people love it. I think people love – Have you ever met Darth Vader, Linda? No. I have not ever met Darth Vader. I'm trying to remember. Have you ever been force choked? No.

By just any Sith Lord? Not in a social war situation. Darth Sidious, Darth Maul. No. I once met – Grand Moff Tarkin. I once met, well, figure skating champions Kitty and Peter Carruthers at a jewelry store in a mall. That's pretty good.

There's no Christy Yamaguchi, but I'll take it. It was right after they were in the Olympics. And I was very young. I was in middle school and they were at the mall in the jewelry store signing autographs, I think. Were they autographed in jewelry? I don't know. If you buy a diamond necklace. This is a pretty good racket for a jewelry store.

At the mall, I ran into a couple of girls that I went to school with and one of them said, you have to go and say hi to them because he's so cute. He's so cute. you should go and see them there in the jewelry store. So I went to the jewelry store and when I got there being this smooth child that I was I can only imagine. The smooth

sort of socially. You were George Clooney like. I was. I was a very George Clooney like child. I went up and said my friend told me that I should come down here because you're so cute. And he thanked me. And I – it was – I was – that probably happened when I was, I don't know, 11 or 12. before I stopped having full body shutters whenever I thought about that story or skating or jewelry. You know, it was a very traumatic story. So the good news is

Jesse is not telling you stories about jewelry stores at the mall. I'd like to see, the way that I imagine that conversation going in my head, if I'm honest with you, is you say, my friend told me to come talk to you because you're so cute. And he says, I'm sorry, dear.

I'm a homosexual. This is something you'll learn gradually. This was the sort of early to mid-80s. Since it was before I was a homosexual. No, but it was probably before he would have, you know, before he probably would have

felt comfortable telling me that in the jewelry store at a mall. You know, Lance Bass was the first homosexual. No, I did. You know, I had heard, yeah. That is not what I meant. Not what I meant. Do you think, do kids still meet their heroes at malls? It seems like something that happened. Malls barely exist anymore. Yeah.

Malls are way on the outs. They still have big celebrity appearances at like some of the huge ones. Like I used to live right by the Mall of America. OK. And when I lived right by the Mall of America, they would still have – like they had a giant – they had a giant like – I don't know what you would call it. Tiffany kissing booth. Tiffany had a kissing booth. Kiss Tiffany.

No, but they have like a big atrium or whatever you would call it. And you would still – like sometimes when I went over there, there would still be like eight million children in line to see some famous person. I saw Robin Thicke at the mall once as a grown-up. As an adult, I went to the mall. He was just walking around? No, to see a Robin Thicke concert. Did you? Wow. Robin Thicke put on a went to the mall. He was just walking around? No, to see a Robin Thicke concert. Did you? Wow.

Robin Thicke put on a concert at the mall. This was in the interregnum between when he was – when he put out his first record, which I really loved, and when his second record – there was a couple – it really flopped. A couple years, his second record was unsuccessful for like the first six months. And then he had a huge hit single. It was like the third single on the record that was a big hit. It was sort of in between. So the crowd was not really sure what to make of Robin Thicke. But I totally saw a concert in a mall.

Were they just – was he just doing this in the food court? Like they were not there to see him? They were just – Frankly, it was an outdoor shopping center. It was podcasting's most mentioned outdoor shopping center, The Grove here in Los Angeles. That is podcasting's most mentioned. And yeah, it was like around the giant performing fountain. Huh.

Yeah. The fountain was performing, but it was sort of in the way. Interesting. It was weird. So there were like a lot of Armenian families there to just shop and then you were there to see Robin Thicke. Yeah. Who were the other people there to see Robin Thicke? I would say confused fans of the local pop radio station. Okay.

Roughly 150. You know, just 18-year-old girls, 17-year-old girls that would just show up anywhere that the pop radio station told them to show up. So they could get some wristbands or something. And Armenian families. Sure. You know, like basically the two constituents of the Grove. Just like random groups of random family groupings that were just standing there for the same reason they stand there and look at that fountain. You know, it's just like, eh, got to take a break from shopping sometime.

This is why Mall of America has an amusement park. Yeah. Is it still Snoopy themed? No, they lost their license with Snoopy. Oh, no. And it became, I think. Now it's gasoline alley themed. I think it became.

Funky winker bean themed. Rhymes with orange. Rhymes with orange. Rhymes with orange. Mutts. I think now it's Nickelodeon themed, I think. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. I think it's Nickelodeon themed.

But yeah, originally it was Snoopy and you'd be sitting in the mall eating lunch and all of a sudden a roller coaster would whiz past your head, which is a little bit strange. Very all-American. Absolutely. My nephews enjoyed it when they were small. You could take them there, and it was something to do in the summer. Something besides going outside, which who wants to do that, really? We'll be back in just a second with Jordan, Jessica. It's Jordan, Jessica.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Linda Holmes, Quaker Avenger. Oh, man. Linda, it's been such a pleasure to have you on the program. Oh, it's been so much fun to be here. Is that an NPR-branded tote bag? It is. I got a million of them.

I got like a million team jerseys. I buy them all myself. You go into that NPR store. I do. There's a nice store at NPR headquarters. There is. There's a lovely NPR shop. They have really nice bags. If you're looking for a Nina Toten bag.

I got a Nina Toten bag. I got a Nina Toten bag. Is that something that they have? Yes. And a Susan Stan bag. They also have a Susan Stan bag. Yeah. Can you get a Ophabia Quist arc welder? Jordan! Jordan!

Jordan! No, but they have a lot of good stuff. And they used to only have the shop online, so you can get all of this stuff online. You can get the Nina Toten bag or the Susan Stan bag. You guys have a t-shirt too, right? We do. We have a Pop Culture Happy Hour t-shirt. We have a pair of pint glasses.

And we also have an etched martini shaker. Linda's show, the Pop Culture Happy Hour, such a great show. I listen every week without fail. I make sure to put it in the pod on Friday so I can listen to it on my way to work. I appreciate that. It's a terrific show. I appreciate that. Everybody should check it out.

Highest recommendations from Jordan and myself. We're so excited. Highest recommendations from Jordan and myself. We're so excited Linda could make the time to be on our show here on the east side of Los Angeles, away from her natural Los Angeles home, the Beverly Hilton. Sorry there's no Trader Vic's in here. Sorry we didn't get you your scorpion bowl. I don't decide where it is.

Sorry I'm not Claudia Schiffer. I don't decide where it is. Oh, you should go back and read Linda's review of Who Wants to Marry Harry because it's very funny. Oh, I like... I love Fox. I love reality. Yeah. Fox still takes a stab at one of those trashy reality shows every now and then that

have kind of gone out of vogue a little bit. Well, the great thing is I have no memory of writing about Who Wants to Marry Harry. Well, you did a very good job. It was very funny. Now that you mention it, I remember that I wrote something about it. You know, Jordan used to work in the Trashy Reality Show department at Fox. I did, yeah.

Did you really? I was an intern at Fox, yeah, right when those kind of Monica Lewinsky hosted. Did you work on Married by America? Oh, let's see. Were they doing it? Maybe. I am one of the few people in the world who watched all of Married by America because I recapped it. Ah.

So I watched all of Married by America. Got a real sense of the arc. No one got married. It's the biggest ripoff ever. But is America still the greatest country in the world? I assume so. Woo! But not for its ability to make people get married.

We are exceptional. We are exceptional. We can't force people to marry. Hey, listen. Thank you for listening to Jordan Jesse Go this week. Thanks to everybody on the forum at forum.maximumfund.org,

on Twitter with the hashtag JJGo on Facebook. We can get a lot of great stuff on Facebook lately. And on the Reddit, which has been going swimmingly, there are like four different threads about last week's Jordan Jesse Go on the Reddit, which has been going swimmingly, there are like four different threads about last week's Jordan Jesse Go on the Reddit.

There are some people trying to reverse engineer what book Maria was talking about about community building on last week's show. Presumably they're looking for some tips on how to put a bench for meth heads out in front of their house. Yeah, but that's at reddit.com

slash r slash Maximum Fun. And again, if you're a designer, you have an idea for a Max Fun t-shirt or whatever or some other Max Fun merchandise, they can make a lot of different stuff, our partners at Tepedico. Sure. Email Lindsay. Lindsay at MaximumFun.org. 206-984-4FUN is our telephone number. JJGo at MaximumFun.org is our email address the great Jen Marmer on the boards over there

thank you kindly Jennifer and our friend Brian Fernandez all the way over in jolly old England is our producer he'll be back at the end of August he'll be much more august when he comes back at the end of August sure

we'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica.