Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 337: Whippit Santa with Alex Blagg

Episode Date: August 11, 2014

Writer and producer Alex Blagg joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of the Anal August holiday season, Jesse's new car purchase and Jordan's preparation for Burning Man.  

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, the voice of the millennial generation. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Beautiful day in Los Angeles, over a thousand degrees. Can I take a minute to correct an error from last week's episode? Hmm, just right at the top? Yeah's episode. Just right at the top? Yeah.

I mean, just right at the top. Did you have a conversation with the ombudsperson about this? I haven't. Typically, that's the responsibility of our ombudsperson. Yeah, but I don't want to bug him. Daniel Okrent. I don't want to bug Dan. Okay.

What with his wife dying and all. And it wasn't an error. It's more of a glaring omission. Okay. So what you're saying is. Everything I said last week was correct. Right. But I omitted something.

We omitted something. We both omitted. And technically our guest omitted something too. Sure. He was in the room as well. Yeah. And he could have picked up some of our slack. But I mean it's mainly on us.

He's the guest. I think our producer Jennifer was on the boards last week. So I mean let's – Technically Jennifer didn't say anything. Let's all share this blame. I was blaming myself at first. But you know what? I'm going to spread it around.

I'm going to spread it around to you, Jennifer, Jake Wiseman, and just all the other people in our lives. Sure. My beautiful wife Teresa, my two children, Simon and Oscar, young sons. I just, we should have said last week, happy anal August. Oh, my gosh. That is a really, what a nightmarish mistake for us to have made. Happy anal August. Wow.

I mean, you know, you get so caught up in life and just getting busy, work. Right. I mean, our lives are busier than— Literally, our lives are busier than they've ever been with technology, children. Sure. Cars. Keeping abreast on social media. Street cars.

Uh-huh. Novels. Pamphlets. Sure. I mean, it'svels. Pamphlets. It's coming at us from all directions. Elective and non-elective. I got a haircut last week. A quarter of Anal

August is gone. But that still leaves three quarters of Anal August. And I say let's live it up. Let's make up for lost time. This is a month inspired by a shop near your former home in West Hollywood, California. Yeah. And a colorful window display.

The pleasure chest. And a colorful window display in said shop. And it celebrates the physical act of butt intimacy. Yeah. And I drove by today. Actually, we welcome in our guest to help us celebrate. Yeah, sure. Who better?

You know him as a writer and comic of great internet renown and now is a television producer, not to mention a beloved guest here on Jordan, Jesse Go. He's been here many times, Mr. Alex Blagg. Hi, Alex. Merry Analogist, everybody. Thank you so much, Alex. If you'd been here last week instead of dumb old Jake Weissman. You know, I'm blaming Weissman on this one.

Oh, yeah? All the onus is on Weissman. You know, I'm blaming Weissman on this one. Oh, yeah? All the onus is on Weissman? You know, but that's not really the spirit of the analogous season, Jesse. I mean, a big part about, I mean, a lot of analogous is butt intimacy, but a lot of it is also about forgiveness and the love and acceptance of your fellow man. That's a really good point. I think we all just, yeah. of your fellow man. That's a really good point.

I think we all just – yeah. I mean and it's not just about maybe accepting something into your butt that you wouldn't normally but accepting things into your life that you wouldn't normally. And into your heart. Through your butt into your heart. I feel like Analogous has become so commercialized. It's really important not to forget the reason for the season. And I drove by the store today to make sure the window was closed. I used to walk by it a lot but I live in a different place and I don't make it by the pleasure chest as much as I'd like.

And I drove by today to make sure that they were still celebrating and that it hadn't been absolved in favor of septum September. That place is still the Saks Fifth Avenue of Analogous. Just a lovely – Zach's fifth avenue of Analogous. Just a lovely. And, yeah, they are still celebrating Analogous. And for the first time on their banner, they had a hashtag, hashtag Analogous. They're trying to get it out there with social media.

So maybe what I thought we could do was, you know, while people are talking about this episode online, usually they hashtag things JJ Go. Keep that hashtag there, but also add the hashtag Analogous. Yeah, I think that's a great idea. I do too. Yeah, that's beautiful. I'm not afraid to say, look. Speculum September? Septum's in your nose.

What was I thinking of? I'm thinking of like a doctor's thing you could use to pry open an orifice. Yeah. Speculum September. The septum is a part of your nose. I guess you could fuck that. Why not? I don't even remember what I was going to say.

Oh, I was going to say something about the fact that most people, oh, you know, most people I think who listen to this show, they think of me as a sort of macho guy, like a man's man. Sure. Just because of my hobbies, my interests, my physique, my smell, my powerful voice, my position in the community. But the truth is, when I think about what Anal August has meant to me these past five years or so since you first brought it into my life, Jordan, I have a tear welling up in my eye. And I think that a real macho man isn't afraid to cry about Anal August or cry if he's taking something really big. Something bigger than he's ordinarily used to. You know, it's like what I imagine the tears from a parent are when you're graduating.

Right. Or when you're getting married. Right. There's a sadness there that, you know, you're growing up, you're leaving the nest. Sure, sure. But there's also a happiness. You know, my son or daughter is making something of themselves. Yeah.

So congratulations to you, Jordan, for writing that wrong. Sure. I think you're a real hero. Thank you. You're the man that Jake Weissman couldn't or wouldn't be. Well, okay. I want to go back to Alex here. I feel like we're putting a lot of blame.

Okay. Well, I think Alex bears some of the blame too. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. Let want to go back to Alex here. I feel like we're putting a lot of blame. OK, well, I think Alex bears some of the blame, too. Oh, yeah. Let's definitely blame Alex. I did listen to the podcast episode and I didn't stop and think or call you guys and say, hey, wait a minute. There's a problem here. You know, I think, you know, they say that there are certain holidays it's tough to be single, Dearing. Yeah. New Year's Eve, of course. Valentine's Day. Sure.

What do you think is harder for singles, Analogist or The Purge? Of the summer holidays. Because Analogist, you know, it's hard to put something in. I guess maybe it's not that hard to put something in your own anus. You know, I think that solo butt play is a really central part of any analogist. Sure. And I think, really, if you want to talk about what time of year is most difficult for singles, you're going to want to look at cuffing season. What's that? Well, cuffing season historically is in the winter months,

starting in the fall, I would say the mid to late fall. That's when you want to lock down a significant other. So you've got somebody to keep you warm when it gets cold outside. You chain them to the radiator that's no longer working. Yeah. Or to your old wire or your old metal bed frame or whatever. And the problem is you need someone to say the safe word to if you need food or whatever. You can't just do that by yourself. I insist if you're out there and you're listening to this program, and I can give you one piece of advice. piece of advice. Don't do hardcore BDSM solo because you might end up chained to a radiator with no one to say a safe word to.

And that's why cuffing season is so dangerous for singles. I imagine that on the outside, the purge is tough for singles because you're like, oh, look at all these happy couples like murdering together or, you know, hunkering down in safe rooms together. Right. But also I bet there's a lot of opportunity to meet fun new people. Do you think that Tinder works during the purge? Oh, yeah, it definitely does. Oh, I thought the purge was the thing you did to get your butt ready for anal.

I feel like you guys are talking about a different purge. Oh, I'm talking about the one day a year that crime is legal. Oh, okay. Happens every summer. That makes way more sense, what you guys are talking about. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. Go. I'm Biz. And I'm Biz.

And I'm Teresa. And we host a comedy podcast about parenting where we remind you that despite what the Internet says... No one really cares what kind of parent you are. One bad mother. We're the friends with kids you want to hang out with. Check us out on iTunes and MaximumFun.org. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, British motorsports enthusiast. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Alex Blagg, Frenchman. Are you a Frenchman? No. I feel like you guys are just throwing around these descriptors of who you are and what you're about. You might as well just go for it. If he can be a boy detective, I can be a Frenchman, at least within the safe confines of this podcasting studio. I want to also offer a corrective. A few weeks ago on this program, we had a visit from a listener named Ronnie. Ronnie's a motorsports enthusiast.

He likes to build Volkswagens that do wheelies. The most specific fucking hobby I've ever heard of in my entire life. Volkswagens that do wheelies. They put sandbags and giant engines in the back or something. I don't know. So I'm talking to Ronnie a little bit about what kind of used car I should buy now that my wife says I have to have a dad car with four seats in it. And I tell him I'm thinking about buying a Jaguar. Now, I got some blowback from this thing. I'm thinking about buying a Jaguar.

On the Internet, some people said, hey, Jesse, you're supported by my donation of $5 a month. I drive a Corolla. Why are you thinking about buying a Jaguar? Which I can understand. Fair question. Now, number one, yesterday I bought a Jaguar. That's number one. So let's start there.

However, I want to clarify a couple points about the Jaguar that I bought. The donations were for the cocaine that you snorted before buying the Jaguar. The cocaine that I sold to make the money to buy the Jaguar. Got it. Makes sense. It tracks. Here's the thing about Jaguars and the specific reason I was interested in Jaguars. There was a time when a Jaguar was literally the lowest quality vehicle you could purchase in terms of reliability and just general.

Like it was basically a beautiful thing put together with twine. And for that reason, Jaguars have a horrible reputation. Now, at some point along the line, they got bought by Ford. Now they're owned by an Indian company, but for a long time there, they were built by Ford and became pretty good cars. But at no point did they start changing their reputation, which is why Ford, I think, eventually sold them. But it turns out for $10,000, you can buy a really kick-ass Jaguar. So I just want to put that out there. I didn't go out and buy a $60,000 car or a $75,000 car with your donation money,

people that were mad at me. Bought a $10,000 car because my wife said I had to buy a car with four seats in it. I don't drive very much. I don't always commute in my car. I often take the subway. So I decided if I was going to buy a $10,000 car and my choice was between a Corolla and a Jaguar, I would buy a 390 horsepower Jaguar. Let's get down, down though to what really matters

about this situation. What does JD Power and Associates have to say about your Jaguar? That's what I want to know. And number one. Do people still listen to JD Power and Associates when you buy a car? This guy does. That's the only place I look. Which would you say is your favorite of his associates? I always tell people that if, you know, I feel like it's crass to name your genitals, but if I was going to, I would name them J.D. Power and Associates. I just feel like that's like the best possible name a man could give himself. Your balls do have some nice tips on what the latest Hyundai's are like. They're Associates.

Now, Alex, you're a, you're a, you're a soon to be dad of twins, right? Correct. You have to know that. Congratulations. Thank you, Jesse. Yes, I'm I've been so inspired by your just preeminent dadness that. Yes, yes. I shan't deny it.

You have you have two beautiful children and a lovely family and a wife. And my wife and I were just like, you know what? I want two as well. You know what? So we just made it happen. You're right about that, Alex. You split the egg. I did it.

J.D. Power and Associates got in there. They made two. Yeah. Two beautiful children I have, a wife, and a family. The family lives in Nashville. Yeah, in Guatemala. Oh, in Nashville. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They think you're a traveling vacuum cleaner salesman. Sure family lives in Nashville. Yeah, in Guatemala. Oh, Nashville. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They think you're a traveling vacuum cleaner salesman. Exactly. Sure. So you've got two children on the way. Do you guys already have a family vehicle? No. Well, my wife has like a Volvo station wagon, which is a classic family vehicle. That's a classic family vehicle. That's a V classic family vehicle.

She loves it. You can go to the Hoover Dam in that shit. Yeah. Yeah. I just have a- Pack them up. Get to the Hoover Dam. Yeah.

You can take them anywhere. Just strap them in there and you're ready to go. It's a big, powerful, very dependable car. But here's the thing, Alex. You might be able to hold out for a little while, whatever kind of car you drive. Yeah. I got a Prius, which is, you know, it's not, I feel like it's a little small maybe. You're going to have to put your, the thing is you're going to have to put those car seats in there backwards.

Yeah. You know about this. Yeah. Jordan. I'm always kidnapping kids. But I want them to be safe. When I, when I abduct children. Yeah, well.

For the blood rights. Sure. It's not for a molestation thing. It's for a satanic thing. Yeah, right. Sure. For the blood rights. Yeah. To sacrifice them. for a molestation thing. It's for a satanic thing. Yeah, right. Sure. For the blood rites. Yeah.

To sacrifice them. The Lord Beelzebub will not accept them if they're damaged. No, I want them to be safe on the way to the altar. For sure. You do a whole, the last thing you want is to do a whole ritual. And at the end of it, you hear, eh, damaged. Yeah. Thanks a lot, Satan.

Nothing pisses the Dark Lord off like that one. Yeah. That's what he puts off that, makes that buzzer. Yeah. Thanks a lot, Satan. Nothing pisses the Dark Lord off like that one. That's why he makes that buzzer. Yeah, exactly. Damaged. Damaged goods. This is bullshit, Jordan. The game show host of the underworld, Satan. So a Prius is a...

Here's the thing about a Prius. Yeah. I got to tell you this. A Prius is a good car for a dad of two seven-year-olds. You got those rear-facing child seats. You're going to have your chin right up on that steering wheel, my friend. Jesse, I've already been thinking about that. So, yeah, I don't know.

I mean, if any of your listeners have experience outside of J.D. Power and Associates, My recommendation is a Jaguar. A Jaguar. Jaguar, specifically a Jaguar XJR. Just a fucking rocket sled to endanger your children as you preserve them in a 2,000 trillion pound piece of aluminum.

Yep. I will take that into consideration. A Jaguar is a fine vehicle. Jordan, what's going on with your lifestyle lately? Well, I wanted to ask real quick why the seats have to face backwards because for safety that's the thing now flying through the literally uh car seats for children now uh they're supposed to face backwards until the kids are like four years old huh yeah it used to be that just babies had backwards facing car seats but it just keeps now it keeps

going and going because it's much safer. Because babies don't have strong, they have big heads and weak necks. So they get bad injuries when they're not facing backwards. There you go. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Jordan. I will. Thank you. Oh, man.

I'm getting so fucked up off this information. Oh, this fucking baby information. Oh! I'm having a bad trip on baby information. Oh! I'm having a bad trip on baby information! I took too much! You know what they say, Jordan. Knowledge is drugs.

Yeah, sure. Knowledge will get you fucked up. I did, speaking of shopping, I did the first little bit of Burning Man shopping this weekend.

Bought yourself some goggles? I bought myself some goggles. I know. You laugh. And that's what I – like I had already done a lot of other prep for Burning Man. Like I bought my plane ticket. I had rented my car. Saved up your semen.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Just – I'm doing – massaging my vesicles daily. What is a vesicle? It's a seminal vesicle. What about your leotard? I have not heard anything about a leotard. I'm still shopping for leotards.

I got a guy. Sometimes if you got a leotard dealer... I got a leotard guy. Are these illegal leotards? You're saying that in kind of a weird way. No, Leonard, the leotard guy. He's great. That's a fun name.

Yeah, found him on yelp okay all right so you just you were just one day you were just yelping leotards yeah leotards and i just saw leonard's leotards was it leotards just in west hollywood or venice california or was it leotards nearby just on your current yeah current location using gps yeah yeah um so yeah so how many stars does leonard have last i checked like three and a half Current location. Using GPS. Yeah. So, yeah. How many stars does Leonard have? Last I checked, like three and a half. So not great. But not bad.

Better than any other leotard. I think three and a half stars is trustworthy. There's so many leotard trolls out there on Yelp. Yeah, there's a lot of competition. Walking distance, driving distance, biking distance. I believe my settings are usually just walking distance. Right. So you just took what you could get.

Yeah. I understand that. So I – so, you know, but it really felt like, oh, I'm doing this when I got my goggles. I'm like, oh, okay. Well, this is fucking happening. I now own goggles. This is because there's sand on the playa. Yeah, there's like sandstorms.

So I – Where does one get their goggles? Well, I drove by the Army Surplus store. Yeah. And they had a big sign outside that said Burning Man gear. I'm like, well, I need some Burning Man gear. So I went inside. And I'm like, okay, well, what kinds of things would I need? I'm like, oh, there's like sun issues.

There's cold issues. I'm like, oh, there's like sun issues. There's cold issues. So you're going to need one of those Australian hats with the big wide rim and the corks that hang down so that you can shake the bugs off. So here's what I – so I'm like, okay, well, I should get a knit cap for the nighttime. Right. So I was looking at the first rack of knit caps I saw. They were all those knit caps where they have like a pom-pom on the top and then those hanging braids that come down from the side.

It's called Burning Man style. Yeah. Well, I was looking at these and I'm like, oh, man, do they have any normal ones? I don't want to look ridiculous out there. I was like, oh, wait. There will be someone on stilts as the rainbow freakout stork. He's probably not going to make fun of my pom-pom hat. With an enormous beak-shaped phallus. Sure.

But I did find some normal-looking knit caps. Okay. So you got more than one. Oh, no. I just got one. Just the one. Just the one. What are we talking about?

Wool? Nylon? Cashmere? Cashmere. It's a cashmere knit cap. I would only get cashmere. I drive a Jaguar. I understand. You have a cashmere? Cashmere. It's a cashmere knit cap. I would only get cashmere. I drive a Jaguar. I understand.

You have a cashmere lifestyle. Yeah. And then I was – I was – I was having – I had a realization is that I am kind of going to this by myself. I'm going to this never having done this before. And I just kind of assumed that everything would be provided for me. But something I didn't take into account was that it's that's not exactly how it is, is that it is a trading economy. Right. So you are supposed to and, you know, obviously, it's not just goods, but it's, you know, drugs, sexual drugs. Yeah, exactly. And

apparently I was I was texting with a friend who has been to Burning Man and she was saying that there is a – not derogatory but less than flattering nickname for kind of young, beautiful people who go to Burning Man and just kind of take and take and take. And because they're young and nubile and tight and t Yeah. They just kind of have everything given to them. Comely. Comely, lithe, you know, all that. All the things that I am. Sure. They call them sparkle ponies. Wow.

And I felt like I was – I'm setting myself up to be a sparkle pony. Can I get away with this shit? Yes, of course I can. As I mentioned, taut, tan, live, sinewy, all that shit. Major celebrity. Yeah, major celebrity. Look, let's say you're in a well-stocked Burning Man camp. And a major celebrity comes up to your camp and says, hey, can I have some of that chili?

Yeah. And says, hey, can I have some of that chili? Yeah. Not only is he a major celebrity, but he's a huge fucking sparkle pony. Sure. Well, here's the thing. What are you going to say to a Jordan Morris? Sure.

To a Kelly Ripa? Sure. Michael Strahan. Yeah. They're there filming some segments. Rebecca De Mornay. You never know. They're there filming some segments. Rebecca De Mornay.

You never know. What are you going to say if Pat Boone comes over and asks you for a bowl of piping hot split pea soup? I mean I guess the thing is I could get away with this Sparkle Pony shit. Yes. But I don't necessarily want to. Like I don't want that to be my first impression on this place. What if I want to come back? What if I want to make this my thing? What if you want to use your points on getting laid?

Right. Sure. So I'm like what can I provide? I have not built an art car. Right. I'm flying. I don't think I could transport drugs. I don't think anything I could get would be, you know, impressive out there.

What do you think would be an example of something that would be impressive? I mean, because marijuana is not going to be particularly impressive. Sure. Exactly. Even if it's nice, like Los Angeles medical marijuana. Sure. I got it. You go back to the army surplus store, get a bunch of dead grenades.

Seriously. Sure. I feel like if you're out in the middle of the desert and you're, you know, probably tripping out on a real cocktail of drugs and just having a great time surrounded by sparkle ponies, that it would be like- Just you, Strahan, and Ripa. Just you, Strahan, and Ripa eating chili. I feel like it'd be a cool, weird move to use dead grenades as currency.

And people, it would like really blow their minds. The thing is, you've got to remember to check them. You cannot carry the law, Jordan. But pull the pin before you hand it to them. Sure. And then just, you know, take their chili. Be like last week's episode of The Leftovers. Just hand someone a dead grenade.

Yeah. To make them think about shit. Exactly. Spoiler alert. the leftovers just hand someone a dead grenade yeah to make them think about shit exactly um spoiler alert um yeah so i mean i'm trying to think about like what i can provide like i've not built anything i probably won't get you know time to to build a you know dream pole or a you know uh reflection tarp people who do those things people will trade them that for just because they're impressed yeah i mean i think you know you can probably you know climb the spirit pole or you can just munch off that shit

yeah so so i'm like what can i provide so like if you have an experience that you're like an art house yeah at burning man like a crazy hall of mirrors sure somebody comes up and you're like welcome to my hall of mirrors and they're like oh thank you very much and you say one can of chili please one can of stag hunts no generic bullshit yeah sure hormel no beans bag of fritos um yeah so i'm like well what do I have I guess I have a podcast Jordan Jesus Christ can I invite everyone who gives me

something at Burning Man on the podcast just anybody anybody who gives me water or a I mean I'm not against it I think you should start a different podcast that's what I was gonna say I was just putting my producer hat on for a minute that feels like a new podcast

that's right yeah I mean you know I mean it depends on how much of a I was just putting my producer hat on for a minute. A Burning Man fulfillment podcast. That feels like a new podcast. Okay. That's right. Yeah. I mean, you know. I mean, it depends on how much of a sparkle pony they are. Sure. That's true. That's a great name for the podcast. If they're a really primo sparkle pony, I say bring her in.

Get them in here. Depends on how live they are, how taut they are. Sure. If it's Ripa, I say bring her in. Yeah. Strahan? Yeah, Strahan can come. Yeah. If say bring her in. Yeah. Strahan? Yeah, Strahan can come. Yeah.

If Ripa's there. Rip and Strahan? I guess we have duos on sometimes. I feel like Ripa is the lynchpin, if you will. If I can use some Alex Blagg metaphor here of the Stripper-Rahan combination. So, I mean, there's that. I mean, I guess I could like mention everyone, but then that would just be a long line of weird names on a pie. And, you know, I don't want to do that to the listeners.

Can I suggest something? Please. Yeah, that's what I'm looking for. This is just an idea that I had based on something you were talking about earlier. You know those little bags of Fritos? Yeah. They used to cost a quarter. They probably cost 50 cents now.

And you know that thing that some people do where they open it up and then put chili inside? Inside the bag? It's like a plastic bag? Yeah. I've never seen this before. Oh, yeah. It's a Southern classic.

And then you put like cheese sauce, queso in there too cream onions in the plastic bag and no it's a it's like the little metal little metallic chip so it'll it's you know it's liquid i don't think i've never seen this yeah and then you eat it with like a spoon or a fork or whatever yeah just redneck ingenuity at its finest i say you bring that to the table. Oh, yeah. Because nobody else, number one, as much as we joke about it, nobody else is going to have chili. Everybody's going to want chili. Yeah. Why aren't we farting?

This would be great if more people were farting. What if you offered, here's another idea. What if you offered free chili, but you charged for Beano? Okay. I start handing out chili. Oh, you want this Beano? Let me climb the spirit pole. Exactly. Also, give me some water. I have

nowhere to sleep. Beano is something you can take on the airplane. Sure. I think. I think so, too. It's not a gel, right? You definitely can't bring... I brought a burrito through the security, and I was worried about it. Last time I was up in the San Francisco Bay Area.

Because it was a burrito filled with toothpaste. It was a super burrito, so it had a lot of guacamole and sour cream in there. They didn't nail you on the liquid amount? No, they didn't. I thank God. Yeah. Otherwise, I would have gone to the Bay Area without eating a burrito. What if they would have opened your burrito, scraped out the salsa and guacamole and sour cream,

and measured to see if it was over the three ounces allowed by federal aviation law? I probably wouldn't have come home to Southern California. I would have just left. I would have just gone to my mom's house. Just flip my whole fucking lifestyle. But if you did want to bring explosives on a plane, not that anyone would want to do that. Why would you?

Because that's against the law and wrong. And I'm not advocating for that. But. But I'm saying you could just put it in a super burrito. Guacamole laden burrito. I think we may have found a loophole, a burrito-shaped loophole. You'd have to talk someone at a taqueria into making it for you, though. I mean, that's the tricky part.

Because if you say, if you go to a taqueria and you say super burrito, they're not going to automatically put explosives in it. Depends on your definition of explosives. Yeah. That's right. Alex Black. Alex right. Alex Black. Alex Black. Alex Black. So, I mean, I guess, like, if somebody at Burning Man was, like, applying to SNL and wanted me to, like, read their packet or something, I could do that.

So you – here's the – how are you getting to Burning Man? I'm flying to Reno and then I'm driving. Why are you going to Burning Man? Has this been talked about and then I'm driving. Why are you going to Burning Man? Has this been talked about already? Oh, because someone gave me a free ticket. He got a free ticket. Okay, okay, okay. And also in the spirit of analogous, accepting new things into your life.

Yeah, like Burning Man. Yeah. I'm saying yes to life. Jordan's always wanted to fuck a tech billionaire. Yeah, I really want to fuck the guy who runs couchsurfing.org. Sure. He'll be there. He is live, too.

I don't know if you've seen that guy. So you will have a rental car. What size rental car are we talking about? This is the most inexpensive rental car. So a compact? Compact, yeah. Not a subcompact. Yeah, it'll be something weird like a Hyundai Zing.

Still rated by J.D. Power in a sense. Oh, definitely. Definitely. Even if it's a rental car, you don't want to. I rented a Hyundai the other day. Yeah? Not bad. Yeah.

It was pretty nice. They really up their game. My last couple of rental cars have been Hyundais, and I've liked them. Yeah. Yeah. So you do have a little space to play around with. What are you going to bring? Are we talking about, are you going to bring a tent?

I mean, I should probably bring a tent. I don't know how to pitch it. Never pitched a tent before. With all those naked ladies walking around. I mean, that'll be. I'll just let nature take care of it. You're spiritual. So your hope is to sleep in someone else's enclosure?

I think so, yes. At Burning Man, do you park your car there? I guess I could sleep in the car, yeah. I think when worse comes to worse, I can sleep in my Kia Twig. Are you going to bring any blankies? I'll probably bring some blankies, yeah. I have some army blankets. I can bring those.

That's a good idea. Yeah. That's a good idea. Yeah. That's a good idea in case you're attacked. Sure. So you'll have army blankies, a Kia. Yeah. Like a backpack full of various clothings. Amyl nitrates. Yeah, some poppers. Yeah, just bring

whippets. I know, right? Because the fun... Here's what I suggest. You get as many – you go from – in Reno, you go from grocery store to grocery store. Oh. Buying all of the whipped cream containers they have at the grocery store. Yeah, I mean that's something I – I mean obviously I can't bring food and water on the plane. But just on my way from the airport to the thing, I can stop and get stuff. And then you've got

two things. Number one, you've got drugs. Number two, you've got whipped cream. Sure. Everybody loves whipped cream. Oh, yeah. And everybody at Burning Man loves drugs. Yeah, well, they probably aren't fucked up enough and they have lots of dry slices of pie. Yeah. They just need a little something. Just a little

bit of something. Yeah. It just needs a little something. Just a little bit of something. Yeah. Okay. That's one idea. So I can lug around 10 canisters of whipped cream. No, I'm talking about 50 or 100. Okay, sure. Like in a Santa sack?

Because I think you could find- I could be Whip It Santa. I could be like my character. Ho, ho, ho. Let's get fucked up for two minutes. 10. That could be like my character. Ho, ho, ho. Let's get fucked up for two minutes. I think you could probably get as much for a can of whipped cream as you could for a Whippet. So I think you're doubling up there.

That's my central argument. Okay. No, I mean, I like this. This is pretty good. I mean, Alex, do you have any thoughts? Do you have any idea of what would be good currency? currency i mean you're a really funny guy jordan i feel like you're you're good at coming up with jokes on the spot you could also go that that kind of street performer way where you will trade people a customized joke poem that you have created for them on the spot yeah yeah

you know i could bring like an old-time typewriter. Yeah. Alex, have you ever done any corporate work? Can I recommend that you check out like just doing some cool events and just blue-skying some sweet ideas? Listen, I love to get on, you know, roll my sleeves up, get in front of a whiteboard

and just see what comes out sometimes. So, you know, I've done a little bit of the corporate circuit. Always open to it. Can I throw out a crazy idea? What? What if we wrote the poems throw out a crazy idea? What? What if we wrote the poems with like a typewriter, like an old-time typewriter? Yes.

I just said that. I just said that. He just said that. But yes, again. Jordan. Yeah. Have you thought about writing them with a typewriter? No, I haven't.

That's a great idea. Thanks. I think people would find that very charming. There you go. I should write them with a little typewriter. Yeah. Okay. So I could write jokes.

I mean, I guess I like, you know. Like a tiny type. How about you write them on an adding machine? Like, here you go. There's a piece of paper with a number four on it. Get it? Give me your shrooms. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.

There's a piece of paper with a number four on it. Give me your shirt. And they have to. You could make t-shirts that say that. Yeah, I could. Here's a piece of paper. And then trade those for food and shelter. Oh, yeah.

I could bring, like, t-shirts or something that say something cool on them. Yeah. That's something. What about, like, burning pants for assholes? You would find that cheeky. Well, especially if you're only wearing the shirt. Yeah. No pants.

I guess I could, yeah, I mean like, you know, I guess I've taught sketch classes and improv classes before. I could see if people wanted to, you know, have an impromptu, you know, just like brainstorming session. Yeah, sure. You're a writer on At Midnight. You could give everybody a personalized hashtag. Oh, I could give people hashtags.

Yeah. That might have some value. You know, those are hot right now. Hashtag Anal August is trending. Sure. It will be after this episode drops. You could just suck dick. I mean, if it came down to it.

You could just. Oh, I could definitely suck dick. Definitely. Definitely. Yeah. I mean, Alex, I don't know how you would feel about that. I mean, as an executive producer on At Midnight, you have a lot of skin in the game. No. None?

You're not an executive producer. No, I am, but we don't own hashtags. They're for the people. Well, I was going to say, like, if I could just, I mean, I'm up in the writer's room, and I'm kind of privy to what's going to go down on the show. If I could just give people- Spoilers. Give people a little hint as to what the next hashtag's going to be, then they can start getting their poop movies ready. For sure.

Dropping some serious spoilers on people. If you have an at midnight spoiler, think of how fucking dope you are on Reddit that day. Oh, so dope. You get home from the playa yeah yeah the upvotes are getting on reddit guess what guess what hashtag wars are going to be this coming wednesday oh shit then you got time to write yeah i could have real monetary value sleepy dogs jordan i think you're going to want a physical object sure coconuts yeah yeah coconuts object. Sure. Coconuts. Yeah. Yeah. Coconuts have water inside that you can drink. They have flesh that you can eat. There's alkalines, alkalites, acolytes. You're going to get acolytes if you

have them. Oh, yeah. I'll acquire acolytes if I give people electrolytes. I think these electrolytes are going to get you acolades if you bring enough coconuts. Yeah. I think you could become the coconut guy. You need one of those big hand drills like a grandpa has in his tool chest. Oh, yeah. Where you hold one part and you turn the other part around in a circle.

Where am I getting that? From a grandpa? Okay. Just find a Reno grandpa. I don't think it'll be hard to find a grandpa in Reno. No, you're right. You're right. I'll just say. I feel like you just walk down one line of slot machines and just tap on a grandpa's shoulder.

Can I have your big hand crank drill? And he'll be like, all right, young person. I'll give you my drill. Just don't turn me gay. What? What? That's not how. I mean, I want the drill. I'll. What? What? That's not how... I mean, I want the drill. I'll take

the drill, but it's not... I think you have some weird ideas. Yeah. Your homophobia is manifesting in unusual ways. I have an idea. Thank you for this. Oh, please. Okay. Find an old Kevin Federline tour t-shirt. Seriously. Make a ton of copies, like cheap ones.

You get really cheap shirts yeah i mean i'll have to i'll have to clean out my closet from the k-fab world tour give everybody one oh man get everybody they're wearing a kevin federline like world tour what year would he have been touring fresno shirt probably what like 2008 seven? I guess he was a guest on Ellen when I was a PA on Ellen that was 2000 7 or 8 that makes sense about right? that's something that people are going to like

they're going to have forgotten about him it's going to tap into a fond nostalgic memory of 2007 8 whatever oh K-Fed oh sure K-Fed. K-Fed. Yeah. Oh, sure. Yeah. Yeah.

K-Fed. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. His favorite, his famous song. Yeah. Pop, poppin'. Poppin' that butt.

Poppin' that. Poppin' that butt. Poppers. And then you can also have the amyl nitrates there. Poppin' those poppers. Yeah. What if K-Fed, maybe, get his LP, maybe he's got a song called Coconuts. Oh, yeah. I mean, he probably does. Seems likely maybe he's got a song called Coconuts.

Oh, yeah. I mean, he probably does. Seems likely. It's sort of island flavored. It's got an island flavor, Caribbean kick to it. Kind of a chill out, kind of a, yeah, vibe. Yeah. Everyone will call you J-Fed. You'll be above the Sparkle Ponies because you will have thought of something that nobody

else there will have, which is a Kevin Federline World Tour t-shirt. I like this. I'm just picturing a giant rope nap. You've got it. You're lugging it down the playa. It's full of coconuts. Yeah. And you just got that hand drill and you're just going, cocoa, coconuts.

Cocoa, coconuts. Want mushrooms. Coconuts. Papers with fours on them. Jordan, I think you're going to have fun. Yeah, I think it's going to be a blast. What are you going to wear to this thing? I think I'm going to get a bunch of just kind of disposable clothes

that I can throw away afterwards. So like operating room type stuff? Yeah, yeah, like scrubs and dressing gowns, paper dressing gowns. Mike's character is going to be a guy who just escaped from the hospital. Coconut! Do you have anything in particular

that you'd like to accomplish while you're there? You know, I think I just want to see it. I'm not super, super into, you know, hard drugs. They kind of scare me a little bit. I'm not super, super into hard drugs. They kind of scare me a little bit. I'm not going to be with anyone close. I'm not going to be close to a doctor.

It would be different if he was going with his mom or something. Yeah, me and my mom could do some E. Yeah, I mean I might like to try something that's kind of – An orgy. Yeah. You're basically going – this is sex tourism. You're looking for an orgy. I think – I mean I like to maybe like try a drug that's not a super – that's not an ayahuasca.

Yeah. As we mentioned. Maybe some Advil or something. Yeah, maybe some Advil. Yeah. A Dayquil. Yeah. See how Dayquil makes me feel when I'm not stuffy.

Five-hour energy. Yeah. Oh, yeah, totally. Some of those new sugar-free rock stars. Maybe somebody's got those. Yeah, I mean, it's just kind of just to see it. I guess I just kind of know it as a punchline. And I got the free ticket,

and I decided to just say yes to life, you know? I respect it. Kind of go in with an open mind. Maybe don't go in just to goof on it for once in your fucking life, Jordan. Sweatpants? No, I should probably buy some sweatpants, yeah. Get yourself some sweats, man.

Yeah. You want to be comfy. But also, boom, designer jeans. Like Jordache? Yeah, like Jordache, True Religion. I do feel like this is one scenario in life where cargo shorts and pants will really be... Yeah, yeah. I might get some...

You get some use out of that cargo space. I will go back to the army surplus store and just get some, you know... Just tell them you want whatever they got that's Dutch. Okay. Just give me everything Dutch. Sure. Because those guys... They can make a solid all-terrain...

Sure. Yeah. Get yourself one of those sweaters with the nylon patches on it. Mm-hmm. You know, where your gun goes. That kind of thing. Oh, yeah, totally. Get yourself some zip-off sleeves.

I saw at the Army Surplus store, they had an old-time aviator's helmet. And I'm like, ah, should I just? I mean, I'm doing it. I might as well buy this aviator's ah, should I just, should I, I mean, why I'm doing it. I might as well have by this aviators helmet, but I do. If you, the thing would be if you brought it and then it didn't seem appropriate when you got there, you'd have to stare at it for the rest of your life cause you wouldn't want to throw it away. Sure.

You know what I mean? Do you think anyone has ever showed up to Burning Man and then gone home? Cause they just felt like, I did not dress appropriately and this is not for me. I'm not going to be able to keep the crease in my trousers. People are wearing suits and I just have slacks and a coat. I feel like a bank teller over here. Louise Louise.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Louise. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Alex Blagg, bon vivant. He is. There's no denying the fact that Alex Blagg is a bon vivant.

Yeah, that's as true a nickname as we've had on the show. You know what? I was planning to do calls this segment, but Lindsay, are you even ready for us to do calls? She says no. Okay, let's stop. Why don't we stall for a little bit? We're going to stall? Okay.

What do you want to stall about? That's the sound of a car stalling. How much more time do you need, Lindsay? Jesus Christ, Jordan. Jesus H. Christ. Okay, she's ready. You know, when something momentous happens to you, our audience members, we have you call us and tell us about it at 206-984-4FUN.

The segment is called Momentous Occasions. Let's hear our first call. Hi, guys. This is Matthew in Maine. I am still driving. I just passed on Route 1 someone being given a very enthusiastic blowjob in the back of their car door on the side of the road, just right on the side of the highway. Never saw that before. Didn't expect that I'd see it in Maine.

I lived in New York for eight years. Thought it would be there. It was in Maine. Bye. In Maine, they call a blowjob a lobster roll. I'd just assume it would happen in Maine. Sure. Yeah.

Because what else are you doing? There's some fucked up shit going on in Maine. For some reason, I went right to Stephen King getting hit by a van on the side of the road in Maine. I don't know why that's such a weird connection to make to that. But I guess the sides of the roads in Maine are a— Quiet is kept, Alex. Yeah. They don't want you to know this.

That's how he ended up getting hit by that van. A real enthusiastic blowjob. It's interesting that he said, I saw someone giving a blowjob and not I saw someone getting a blowjob. Yeah. Well, you've got to have one to have the other. Sure. Oh, absolutely.

I'm just saying. In my book. Right. You don't believe in solo blowjobs. But also, did he say it was on the side of the highway? Oh, I don't know. Yeah, that's like a rural road. Yeah.

A little less. Like, if you're going pretty fast by there, I mean, I guess that'd be tough to kind of clock that. So you think it might have just been

somebody cleaning up something that spilled on their friend's genital area. Mm-hmm. And they were like, let's go to the backseat and sort this out.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. I've got some club soda in my mouth. I was about to swallow it. I can apply it to your pants area. Anyway. You know, I think that's just fun. Side of the road blowjob?

Yeah. I think it's fun that they were getting and giving the blowjob. Yeah. I think it's fun that he saw the blowjob. No harm, no foul. No victims. Everybody, we're having fun right now listening about the blowjob. Yeah, it's just, it adds a little bit of spice to life.

You know what I mean? A little bit of, a little something extra. Motto bene. You know what I'm talking about. Side of the road, a blowjob. Yeah, exactly. It's a me. Side of the road to blowjob. Yeah, exactly. It's a me. Let me tell you about our special.

Chicken noodle. Very nice. I blow you. Come to my back seat. And I make you a special sausage dish. After that, I suck your penis. Would you like to finish a meal with a climax in my mouth? I love this blowjob chef character.

Have you guys ever seen a public sex act? I don't think I ever have. I haven't either. I've seen a lot of shit. I've seen a lot of people smoking crack. Sure. That's like sex for your brain. Yeah.

I mean, I've seen a lot of fucked up public activities, plenty of peeing and defecating. Inner city youth at one point in my life, but I've never seen a public sex act. Oh, no. I did see. I saw seen a public sex act. Oh, no. I did see. I saw some people fucking in college. Oh, great. Right in their dorm room. Cool.

With the shades open. Yeah. And I was like, hey, go to town. You were just simply doing some stargazing. In the area. Yeah. Yeah. Sure.

Alex? No, I was just racking my brain. I don't think I've had the pleasure of seeing a public sex act. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Alex? No, I was just racking my brain. I don't think I've had the pleasure of seeing a public sex act. I'm all for it. Yeah. Go to town. Why not? Pull over on the side of the road.

Be responsible. Safe. I guess the moral here is- Don't be Stephen King. Yeah. Yeah. The moral is if you see any of us on the street, start a public sex act so we can see it. Yeah.

We'd like to. Don't come up and say to us, it seems really awkward because I know a lot about you, but you've never met me before. Which is what most people say. Instead, grab your partner by the hand. Do-si-do. And you know what we mean by that. Yeah, yeah. Let's hear our next call.

Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. This is Todd from Maryland in Virginia calling a few minutes before 7 in the a.m. And I saw a guy in a kind of commercial slash residential area who it looked like his morning routine was to take a walk backwards. He was along a sidewalk in between locations, nowhere in particular, and he was just walking backward. And there was another guy headed up to him from behind, walking forward. So I wondered if they were going to collide. I watched to make sure that he wasn't just, like, turning around or something, and he wasn't. He was walking backwards continually.

Pretty great. That's dope. That should be your thing at Burning Man. Backwards walking? Yeah. Oh, man, I'm freaking out. Is that guy walking backwards? And you're like, yeah, give me some chili, motherfucker.

Yeah. You like that backwards walk? Hit me with that hunts. How about a mouthful of stew? Stew me, baby. Yeah. Right in here. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

Chunky style. Yeah, I in here. Chunky style. Yeah, I love that stew. Well, see you. And then I walk backwards out. Maybe we should just bring a yurt, man. I know. Yeah, what's the easiest thing I can bring so that I don't – the elements don't kill me? Gold.

Pup tent. Like sleeping under a pile of gold or on top of it like a dragon. I mean if Sorry it's my gold. Yeah pup tent. I guess I could just get a pup tent

and have it. There's not a lot of times in life when you get to use a pup tent. I guess I could just get a pup tent and have it. Yeah. Well, I mean, there's not a lot of times in life when you get to use a pup tent. Yeah. I just think that's a great thing to have. I think you need to get a two-person tent just in case. Just in case I want to be wearing stilts. Yeah.

Just in case you gain a lot of weight. Just in case I become a fag. With all that chili. So much goddamn stew. So much hot bisque. Hot Burning Man bisque. Hello, I'm famous for my bisque. All the creamiest soups. Seafood soups.

Meatiest soups. Meaty soups. Aminostrone. Listen, if you're out there, I'm not going to be there for that long. Are you not a weirdo? Just let me stay in your thing. Okay? It'll be super cool. How many Jordan Jesse Go listeners is your estimate have yurts at Burning Man?

Boy. Burning yurts. Yerting man? Six. Yeah, I'm going to say six. That sounds exactly right. Okay, if you're not weird. Right, that's number one.

Let me stay in your thing. I'm only there for a couple days. I'm there three days. At Jordan underscore Morris. Let me stay in your thing. Hashtag analogist. Do you have any more calls this week, Lindsay? Okay.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Alex Blagg, in charge. Okay, jumbotron message. As in large hand?

Yeah. Okay. Or Charles, whichever. You're hardly large. You look like you're in fighting shape, Alex. Yeah, my dad's name's Charles, so maybe it's more Charles in charge. But thank you, Jesse. Yeah, you're ready for dual fatherhood.

Been doing a lot of Taibo, so. How long do you got fatherhood. I've been doing a lot of Taibo. How long do you got before these babies pop out? Just a matter of weeks. Mid-September is the beginning of the red zone. Can I tell you what you're going to be like? I'm tired. Oh, shit. That's what you're going to be like.

Yeah, that sounds great. You're going to be all, oh, shit. Do you have names picked out? Yeah, I do. I have two names, both boys. Okay. Boy names. Okay. What are the babies?

The boys. Okay. We went traditional. I thought you were pulling like a celebrity power. No, no, no, no, no. No, but I'm not announcing. Not going to say. No, I get that.

Yeah, you don't want to. I don't want notes on the names. Spoil the sanctity of this lovely. I don't want anyone's feedback. Well, one big problem is Rumpelstiltskin. Yeah. Oh, sure. Gotta worry about that Rumpelstiltskin.

Definitely gotta worry about Rumpelstiltskin. You guys moved to accommodate the babies, right? We are about to. Yeah, in the process of moving. Dude, I saw that you were selling your fucking grill. Oh, it is a really, really nice grill. I mean, it'll probably be gone by the time this thing goes up, but if not, if anyone's out there,

you guys should really check out this grill. Hey, look, I say this week's program is all about Alex Flagg selling his grill and me selling my Audi TT Coupe. Hashtag EnoLogist. You guys just want to take a minute? I mean, we're kind of in the, like, messages segment of the show. Do you guys each want to go you guys just want to take a minute i mean we're kind of in the like messages segment of the show do you guys each want to just make a pitch for this grill and this audi can i plug my grill yeah please do oh great what are you working on these days well

you know jordan i've been really busy you know just kind of figuring out what's next after at midnight and uh really at the top of my pile is uh i'm trying to get rid of this grill on Craigslist. It's a very nice stainless steel KitchenAid top-of-the-line grill. I mean, we're talking about a 2,000-pounder that will just destroy any piece of meat you put on top of it. Ah! It is, you know, my wife is a chef. Professional chef. Yeah, she's a professional. So this is a grill that is definitely of the caliber of culinary professionals. She would not let anything less into the house. Sure. Professional chef. Yeah, she's a professional. So this is a grill that is definitely of the caliber

of culinary professionals. She would not let anything less into the house. No. No. But also, me as an amateur grill person, I have found great joy and delight in working with this machine and have had a lot of great dinners because of it.

Alex, I was about to walk into a Grills Etc. Mm-hmm. And drop $3,500, $3,600 on a brand new grill. Jesse, you don't need to do that. I don't? No, absolutely not. But I want like a premium top-of-the-line grill.

I got a premium top-of-the-line grill. This thing retailed originally less than four years ago for over $3,500. Originally, less than four years ago for over $3,500 and is now going for the low, low price of $1,200 or the most money that anybody offers me. It's got a sear station with over – You put an ahi on there? Yeah, you put an ahi on there. It's got 25,000 BTUs. I don't know what those are, but I'm saying that they're beef torching units because that seems like an appropriate nomenclature for that. But, yeah, it's a great, great grill that you can get at a low price.

I've heard you have a torching beef unit. Yeah, I do have a beef torching unit. Yeah. This sounds like an amazing deal. And I imagine if somebody's in the Los Angeles area, they're looking for a kick-ass grill, they can get at you at Alex Blagg. Yeah, at Alex Blagg on Twitter. Check out my grill on Craigslist or J.D. Power & Associates. Also gives it very high marks.

This is one of the few grills that they will actually recommend. Can I ask you why you're de-grilling? Well, yeah. The place that I'm moving into does not have as much outdoor space as the place I'm currently in. Sure, you need that for the bounce house. I need it for the bounce house. Can't take the grill with me, which is sad. But, you know, hey, my loss is another person's opportunity.

For the greater good. Yeah. I have a 2004 Audi TT Coupe. Now, this is the redline edition. That's the fastest one they made. 250 horsepower and a six-cylinder engine. It is a sporty little car. It is an exceptionally sporty car.

It has a custom spoiler, low-profile run-flat tires, and I installed an auxiliary jack, and the jack is in a tasteful spot in the center console where you can hide it or display it as you prefer. A very elegant auxiliary jack. I'm selling it because I just bought a car. I'm selling it for $1,000 less than Blue Book. Wow. $9,900. Price to move.

If you purchase it now, 80,000 miles on this thing a beautiful and sporty motor vehicle get at me at Jesse Thorne on Twitter and if anybody's at Burning Man I will be dragging around a sack filled with Kevin Federline concert t-shirts and coconuts I'm letting these go for a steal

a mouthful of stew and a thing to sleep in. Oh, and something to sleep in. So get at me at Jordan underscore Morris on Twitter. Yeah, Bert, if you're out there, Bert from Bert's Yurts. I was just yelping yurts in the area. Get at Jordan.

Jordan, if you got some stew out there. If you're stew from Stew Stew. Hey, we got a message up on the Jumbotron, guys. This is a fun way for you to promote your business or communicate with your friends and family who love Jordan Jesse Go as much as you do. Red Sky Phenomenon, an electronic music act. phenomenon, an electronic music act, you can go to redskyphenomenon.bandcamp.com to download the new electronic album, Sketches, for only $2. This guy bought a Jumbotron message for the bargain price of $200. Given the size of our audience, it really is a bargain price.

And he did it because he loves Jordan Jesse Go and Max Fun, but he doesn't have a job. So the least that you can do is send this guy some stew. No, download his album. It's got a remix by Rishi Keshe Herway of Song Exploder, also of the 3AM radio. Excuse me, the 1AM radio. I got the number wrong there. wrong there. You can download the new album, Sketches, by Red Sky Phenomenon, with a remix

by our friend Rishikesh Herway for $2. Just go to redskyphenomenon.bandcamp.com And as always, all of the links for all of the sponsors on MaxFunShows can be found in our forum in a sticky post right there in the shows. Lindsay maintains it her very own self

and she does a great job. She's doing a dance and I maintain that thread dance. Great job, Lindsay. If you want to get up on the Jumbotron, go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. It's super easy. You just fill in a form. If you want to sponsor any of our shows or all of our shows, email Teresa at MaximumFun.org, T-H-E-R-E-S-A. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica.

Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. H-E-R-E-S-A. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. Hey, folks, this is Kevin Allison of the Risk Podcast, a proud member of the Maximum Fun family. If you've never heard Risk before, you've got to check it out. Risk is where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share in public. Stuff you could never hear on NPR. This is where writers, comedians, and people of all walks of life drop the act and get as raw and real as it gets. You know you love stories. Why not check out the show where you'll hear the most unforgettable ones you've ever heard?

Check out Risk. Today we are free on iTunes, of course, and we're at MaximumFun.org or at Risk-show.com. Risk! It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Alex Blagg, Kevin Federline. Alex, you've made life. Congratulations.

Thank you. Thank you, Jesse. You've made life yourself. And I hope that I can fill the big fatherly shoes that I gave you as a gift. You gave me. My old shoes. Your old shoes. They're very nice loafers.

They are a nice pair of loafers. Some floor chimes. I gave you that cardigan as well. Yep. And that pipe. I'm going to reinvent myself completely, you know, just head to toe in the Jesse Thorne mold. Right now you look like, I mean, right now you kind of have a fun young person vibe. Not anymore. Not for long.

Nope. Nope. Is your last couple months as a, weeks I guess as a fun person. I would never wear a carefree five panel hat like this ever again. Not as a father. I don't look like a person who should be trusted with children. You're going to have to get an additional panel on that cap. You're going to have to get a hardware-related logo.

Yeah, that's right. You're right. A Husqvarna, maybe? Husqvarna, yeah. That's my suggestion. I just... John Deere? Hyundai. Can I just go with Husqvarna? Husqvarna. Husqvarna is the easiest answer to that one. It's a great one.

And I want to congratulate both of you on the smash success of the television program that each of you work on at midnight. Oh, thank you. Thank you, Jesse. It's a fun show to do, and it's a pleasure to get to work with Jordan every day. Ah, shucks. My favorite parts about it is Jordan's someone I've known for a long time, and to see him come into the show and be able to contribute as much as he does. He's literally one of the funniest people involved and there's a lot of funny people involved. Nice of you to say.

Would you mind ranking them? Just rank all the people who are on the show. Jordan, number one. Right. Chris is number – Chris Hardwick is coming in at like four. Oh, he's top five, I would say. No, no, no.

Let's see. There is a really funny. Have you guys talked to the administrative assistant, Sally? No. She is funny. Yeah. She is funny. Yeah.

Chris is great hashtags. Chris is super good looking, but number one, I'm not sure he's even a real nerd. Yeah. I don't buy it, honestly. Honestly, Yeah. I don't buy it, honestly. Honestly, guys, I don't buy it from him. Okay, that's number one. I mean, sure, he has an encyclopedic knowledge of Doctor Who and every other nerd thing. He may be a robot, but I can neither confirm nor deny.

It's great. I think people should watch this television program. Sure, yeah. It's a whole pile of fun. Lots of laughs. And Alex, it's always a joy and a pleasure to have you on our program. Likewise, guys. This is very fun.

Thank you for having me here. Whether or not you want to buy Alex's Grill, which is real and is really for sale, he is on Twitter at Alex Blagg, B-L-A-G-G. Alex spelled A-L-A-G-G. Alex spelled A-L-E-X. Don't get caught up there at the end of Alex. A-L-E-X.

If you have thoughts about the show, shit, man, fucking post them on the forum. What kinds of places to go? Number one, forum.maximumfund.org.

That's a great place to go. Sure. Number two, people going ape shitit on the MaxFun Reddit. Yeah. Go to reddit.com slash r slash maximumfun. You can fucking click, clickety, click, click, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. Here's a link to some shit that's related to some shit. Here's my favorite stew recipes, whatever.

What the fuck ever, man. Just hang out with my man Lothreeper you know that guy's running shit on there and so that hashtag JJ go hashtag analogous on Twitter we love that

you can just fucking send us an email JJ go at maximumfund.org if you want to if you gotta send us something you know important about where Jordan's gonna sleep in this desert he's going to in two weeks. It's not his Hyundai. I could sleep in some fucking Hyundai. Could be a Plymouth. A Plymouth Bounce.

What? If you're lucky, you'll get a Ford C-Max. Sure. Ford C-Max. It would be a nice car to get. Guys, I think that's all we need to do. It's been a joy. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, go.