Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 338: Nuns on the Run with Dan McCoy

Episode Date: August 18, 2014

Writer and podcaster Dan McCoy joins Jordan and Jesse for discussion of the Creative Arts Emmys, Jesse's tailor, and a story from Jesse in response to the recent violence in Ferguson, Missouri.

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jessico. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Beautiful day here in Los Angeles, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah.

You don't need me to tell you that. You live in Los Angeles, you know. You don't live in Los Angeles, you go on weather.com, you type in zip code 90048 or 9006. If you're a real weather fan, you go on Weather Underground. Okay. Which, by the way, they've shortened to W Underground or Wonderground. Is that a 60s revolutionary group? That's a weird thing about how it's the name of that website.

Okay. But it's a nicer website than weather.com. Sure. You get the weather from that beautiful weather lady, Patty Hearst. Right? Didn't I? Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. You're right there. It's a strange thing for them to have named their website after a long, long time ago. Get a nice hourly forecast. A little picture. Yeah. Like weather underground. It gives you more localized weather.

Oh, is this an actual website? Oh, yeah. No, this is a real website. That's why it's so weird they just named that. Do they have like a, okay. Like a ticking time bomb is their logo? Yeah. Yeah.

I guess like I've moved on. I mean, obviously maybe they just, you know, didn't really look into what that meant or what it stands for or just kind of assumed everybody forgot. But because they added underground is the idea that this is edgier. This is hipper. This is like kind of a young person's weather site? I think it's the weather site for people who care about weather. I'll tell you what, I had a friend. Not fair weather weather fans. No. You wouldn't want a fair weather weather fan on the weather underground. Weather fans probably hate fair weather, don't you think? Oh yeah, they like extreme weather. My middle school friend Cameron Laughlin, he always wanted to be, he loved weather more than anything. And he would tell you, like, he'd be like i love weather and you'd be like what does that even mean yeah we're 12 you know what i mean i guess um but wait i i became facebook friends with him not long ago he's a fucking meteorologist he's

a tv meteorologist in like phoenix or something he achieved his dream he's living that's like his number yeah but if you're a weather loving kid the thing you want to be the most is the weatherman i mean to be fair when i was like 12 if you said what do you really love i would have said bullshit just talking bullshit for hours you've done it you've achieved your dream here i am jordan jesse go today um let's introduce our guest on the program his name uh wait no i'll do his name last okay uh credits first credits first he's in town here for the emmy awards uh for which he was nominated along with his uh compatriots from the program the daily show uh with i'm forgetting his name

john stewart right yeah right i wanted to say I yeah wait wait I wanted to say John Daly sure you were gonna say Guy Gardner you were gonna name another Green Lantern

um he's Guy Fieri he's the host The Daily Show with Guy Fieri you know I'm waiting for

John Stewart to direct a second film so Guy Fieri can fill in his the host there's gonna be a lot more about uh Flamin' Onions on the show To direct a second film so Guy Fieri can fill in his bones. It's going to be a lot more about flaming onions on the show. Yeah, the blue cheese prices rising around the nation.

He's also the host of the wonderful podcast, The Flophouse, which you should subscribe to. I mean, just go ahead and subscribe to it. I can't tell you why right now. But I'll say this. It's a teaser. In a few weeks, you'll ahead and subscribe to it. I can't tell you why right now. Okay. But I'll say this. It's a teaser. In a few weeks, you'll know why. All right. But also because it's good.

Sure. Yeah. There's two reasons. One is the reason that you'll find out in a few weeks. The other reason is because it's good. Oh, this is like a, yeah. For enjoyment. You're teasing a sort of post-credits sequence. Yeah.

This is a pre-show post-credits sequence. Dan McCoy. Hi, Dan. Hello. Thank you. Welcome. Welcome to the program. Thank you for having me. I don't mean to be a downer at the beginning of the program, but there's something that I've been thinking

about a lot over the past week. But AIDS. Anyway, what's going on with you, now that i've said it is sincerely right up there with aids but i figured it would be a something to talk about right at the beginning of the show um and just and then we'll play our little music and uh uh kind of reset and reset and then we can go back into the bullshit. So, I mean, I'm sure, Dan, I know you probably follow the news, or maybe you're taking a vacation from the news since you're on hiatus from your show. But, I mean, obviously, like, the biggest news in the world is what's going on in St. Louis and Ferguson, Missouri right now. And I was, you know, I've basically just been reading about it.

And I was – and I – I was feeling it really strongly. And you know, a lot of people are. You know, I'm hardly the only person. And, you know, for a lot of different reasons. I mean, it's a really painful situation from every angle. And I was thinking about why I was feeling it so... Potently, deeply. Yeah, so sort of directly.

And I thought of something that happened when I was a teenager. You know, I was going to save it for my other podcast, San Francisco Stories with Jesse Thorne. I was going to save it for my other podcast, San Francisco Stories with Jesse Thorne. But it's something that I've just never – I've literally never talked about with anybody. And it's come up for me a few times when this kind of thing has come up in the news. It's come up for – the feelings have come up in me strongly. And I think it's because of this thing that happened. Um, and so I thought, you know, if I have a venue to talk about it, I should talk about it. So, um, basically when I was in, when I was in high school, um, I took classes at San Francisco state, which was right on the campus of my high school. And one of the classes was a class that was called History of the Funk, which I know sounds like a made-up class, but wasn't a made-up class.

It was an African-American studies class at San Francisco State. And, you know, I mean, it was like it was both weird and amazing to be in this class because it was weird because even though I guess the other people in the class were only like two years older than me, I was 17 and they were 19. And there's just like a thousand years difference between that. And one of the, you know, it's maybe this was not that big of a class, maybe like a 15- or 18-person class. And the class was like – you know, it was like a really special class. Like George Clinton came and one of the kids who made the most impression on me was this guy named Charles. was this guy named Charles. And Charles was like the, he was like, you know, he was like, he was like the big man on campus in the class,

a really sort of fun, boisterous guy. And he was also very nice to me, which, you know, mostly I took a number of these classes. Mostly I'd just sit in the back and be quiet because I wasn't a college kid, and they were. It was very nice to me, and I sort of knew him to say hello. And I was very grateful to him for that because it was such an unusual thing. And that was, I want to say that was the fall semester of my senior year, something like that. And in the spring, they had proof of payment on the light rail, you know, where you don't, there's no toll gate.

You just have to prove where you pay it. And it was new. And so they would have cops come through. We would have cops come through sometimes and ask people for proof that they paid, you know, just basically just show me your bus pass. And one time I was standing on the platform and the cops were coming through they asked me for my bus pass and i you know i gave them my bus pass and um and this guy charles was was down the platform a little bit from me i saw him and recognized him and these two cops one of them was like a one of them looked like uh like a cop from a movie you know like like j Jay Johnston from Mr. Show when he plays a cop, you know, like a big white guy with a mustache. And the other guy was this real muscly Asian guy.

And they went and asked Charles for his bus pass. And he kind of like stretched it out, you know? Like he was like, what? Come on. Or something like that. I don't even remember. And the cop got up in his face, you know? And he's like, whatever, man.

You know, whatever or something like that. And he went in his backpack super slow to get his bus pass out. But he did. He got his bus pass out. And the cop says, show me your ID. And Charles is like, why do I have to show you my ID? And the cop's like, because I asked you to show me your ID. And it started turning into this confrontation between this guy and this cop.

And, I mean, I guess I probably didn't mention that Charles was black, but Charles was black. And it was this bullshit thing. It was the most bullshit thing in the world. You know, it's this cop being a fucking asshole for no reason, literally no reason at all. And Charles, you know, it's like one of those things. You know, it's like one of those things. It's like you can see a guy that is, you know, scared and trying to be a big man about it. And, you know, basically this confrontation between these two guys is happening and people are turning around and being like, why are you hassling this guy or whatever? And the big white cop's partner is kind of pushing people out of the way and like clearing a perimeter around this guy I know.

And this war of words between the cop and Charles is getting hotter and hotter and hotter. And, you know, I don't know what, I don't know what, I don't remember what God says. It's a long time ago. You know, it's like, man, fuck you or something like that. And the cop grabbed him, put the handcuff on one of his wrists, pulled it around his arm, pushed him down on the ground, was on top of him with his knee in his back, cuffed around his arm, pushed him down on the ground, was on top of him with his knee in his back, cuffed his other wrist. At this point, Charles is like crying out in both in pain and in anger and fear. Um, and I remember him saying, you know, like, you can't do this to me. You can't do this to me. Like that. That kind of thing. And I remember him saying, literally saying, you know, you can't change me. You can't chain me up like this.

Like, you know, this African-American studies student, his kids know, you know, he knows what the fuck is up. He's like, you can't change me. You can't chain me up like this. But he's like, he's like angry, but he's like scared and hurt, physically hurt, and the other kind of hurt. I remember at one point he said, you know, you can't chain me up like a slave is something that he said. And then he said, what are you going to do to me? And they're like, we're arresting you. And he's like, what are you going to do to me? And they're like, we're going to – we're arresting you. And he's like, for what? And they're like, for whatever.

I don't even remember what the fuck it was. For failure to provide a bus pass. Lack of proof of payment. He's like, what the fuck? And they're like, what is that – what's going to happen? And, you know, this girl that was there with him is like, what's going to happen to him? And the other cop is like, we're going to take him down to downtown and process him and um charge him and all this different shit and he's flipping out and they got

they've got him down on the ground with a knee and knee in his back and other people are trying to calm people down but this the other cop is like yelling at people to get the fuck away and then people are like why should we get away like whatever you know and um in the end you know they they took him and took him downtown and you know i presume booked him and i didn't by this time i wasn't in this class with this guy you know like i it was just a guy i knew to say hi, you know. And I went home that day to my mom's house. And I was, you know, I was really broken up about this because, you know, like I was, you know, I was wary of police officers. And I had had a couple of bad experiences with police officers, but I had also

had good experiences with police officers. You know, like I grew up in a, you know, one time I got jumped on the street and when I was like 12 or 13 and, you know, some cops came and they said, you know, there's nothing we can do about it, but we can give you a ride home. You know, so it was, I had had both kinds of experiences. But this really, really messed me up. And I got home and I said to my mom, you know, this thing happened at school. And I told her about it and I told her what happened. and um you know my mom my mom gave me the number to like call it in to call in like a citizen complaint you know and i didn't because whatever you know i don't know because i was 17 and i was the whole thing just had me really shook up.

And I didn't know this guy. And I thought about, oh, you know, should I go talk to our professor about it? Because he might know this guy's number and I can just call him and just let him know if he needs my testimony or something. But, you know, the fact is that I didn't do any of that shit. And so when this stuff happens, you know, I mean, he was, I'm sure he was fine. You know, I mean, physically fine anyway, you know. I don't think they, you know, I don't think they beat him up on the way to the booking or something. But it was a pretty fucked up thing.

And I didn't do anything about it. And so when this kind of thing comes up, I feel that mistake one of the things about my life is that being a well-spoken white male, um, who, you know, can wear a necktie gives me a power that I can use if I choose to, um, that other people don't necessarily have access to. And, um, and I felt like it was my responsibility to do that and I fucked it up. And I don't, you know, I mean, like I said, I was 17 years old, you know, I, it's not that I shouldn't have, it's not that I needed to have done it or that someone else in my position would have done something differently or whatever. It's – but I could have done something.

And the reason I – ultimately the reason I decided to talk about it was I'm – in addition to all of those things that – in addition to all of those things that I have that give me power now is that we have this show. And I think it's – once in a while we talk about something like this as much as it's mostly a bullshit thing. Once in a while we talk about something like this as much as it's mostly a bullshit thing. And I just wanted to say that that happened. And there were two things that I wanted to say that I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry to Charles that I didn't help him when I had the chance to. Um, and, um, the, and the other thing I wanted to say was that if you, if you are ever in a position where you can help someone and, um, you know, I don't, I sincerely don't think that it's about, you know, police being predatory and people of color're ever in a position like the position that I was in, even if it's hard to do something, it's worth doing something. And I can say that as somebody who didn't and then live with it for, you know, whatever it's been, 15 years. And I, because I know that I think about, I think about it.

And I, you know, I also know that other people have had to live with this much more than I. But if you're in a position to do something about it, you know, do it. And then you won't have to deal with this. And I don't know. Hopefully, for me, this is doing something about it now, even though I didn't do something about it then. So not quite AIDS. But there you go. Unless you guys have any questions or comments. We can take a quick break.

we can take a quick break and then when we come back I am sincerely interested in finding out how the Creative Arts Emmys went like I didn't already feel like a privileged asshole I promise I didn't look

I didn't tell this story to make anyone feel like a dick or like – or make anyone feel guilty. Your heartfelt feelings sabotage me, Thorne. Make anyone – I just – you know, I mean at the end of the day, like, I'm just, I found it, the thing that I found so in watching all of this stuff about the situation in Ferguson, comforting was the number of people who were being brave and standing up for justice and just doing their best to make a contribution when they didn't have to. contribution when they didn't have to. And, um, you know, I think people have made mistakes on both sides. Um, but I, it, that part of it, I found a lot of comfort in. So, you know, I don't think, you know, you don't have to, you know, you don't have to change the course of your life and become a nun. Oh, if you want to go for it, it's going to be harder if you're a guy but it's going to be it better if you're on the lam from the mob because then you get to hide out yeah where they're

showering yeah all the new ball young nuns yeah you know what i'm talking about i think we just put together an awesome pitch yeah i say we call it Nuns on the Run. Anyway, okay. Look, that's all settled. We'll come back with bullshit in just a second on Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Dan McCoy, mournful sigh.

I probably should have told Jordan and Dan about that beforehand in retrospect things I would have done differently about that it's like a fun improv game dig someone into a hole and then instead of yes and you nod respectively

hey I here's something really stupid just pure some pure stupidity to get us back in the mood uh the other day i was walking down the street and i saw a uh huge i'm guessing maybe samoan guy uh shaved head uh super intense facial hair um and he had a t-shirt That had like Samoan tattoo designs all on it You know like a super Intense t-shirt

And then in like tattoo Writing Was written poly lifestyle Which I think meant Polynesian lifestyle But I prefer to think In a sort of Kevin Allison context Polyam meant Polynesian lifestyle. But I prefer to think of in a sort of Kevin Allison context. Polyamorous Polynesian. I mean, who knows?

There's fun ways to incorporate poi into lovemaking, I'm sure. Is that racist? Yeah. Maybe. It's hard to say. It's hard to know whether something's racist when it's literally the only thing you know about their culture. I think the fact that you only know one thing about the culture is what's racist. Yeah.

I should probably just find various cultures that I only know of. I only know their primary food dish and just go a little deeper. I'll start with Polynesians and I'll go from there. Main things I know about Polynesian culture, bought this recording booth from a nice Samoan guy. Is that a culture thing? Well, he was running a Samoan pop music record label out of it, and he gave me some of his CDs. I listened to them.

Sounded like other people's pop music, only more Samoan-y. Okay. Number two, watching the Tongan Festival, which took place once a year in the park that sits immediately outside of my dad's front windows. And I learned that Tongans are super into cricket. And it's awesome because, at least in the Tongan Festival, they wear traditional Tongan outfits. They include sarongs, which may have a different name in Tonga. But it's just these enormous dudes in sarongs playing cricket,

which is pretty awesome. And number three, I was always a big fan of Jesse Sapolu, the former 49er center, because he and I had the same first name. So there you go. Three to one, Jordan. I win. I don't know how useful any of those things are. I wouldn't characterize any of them as those things are. I wouldn't characterize

any of them as insights. They are things. Dan, I do want to know about the Emmy Awards. You went last night. Now, this was their two Emmy Awards ceremonies. There's

three. There's the daytime ones, which already happened. And then the primetime Emm movies are split into two. And there's the creative arts ceremony that is not televised live. It will be televised one week later on FX Movies. That's not a real thing. Check your local cable provider. So between showings of Taken and Avatar, you can watch – Yeah, you can watch what I assume is a heavily edited version of the Creative Arts Emmy since it was nearly four hours.

Do they have a host? No, it's just rotating celebrities coming out to present awards. But this is the technical categories and writing for a variety comedy series is in the Creative Arts half the time. It's one year on, one year off. Is it always the same people, the same groups of people nominated? Is it always like, how many are there, five? I think it's one of those categories where it doesn't, there's not necessarily a cap. Like, I think at the most we've had seven, but it's usually around five.

Wow. Okay, so you're looking at what? We're talking about Daily Show, Colbert, Saturday Night Live. Well, this year was not Saturday Night Live. What? No. We had Daily Show. Saturday Night Live.

Saturday Night Dead. Am I right, guys? Colbert, Fallon, Portlandia, Amy Schumer, and Key and Peele were all up. Good lineup. Those are pretty solid Colbert shows. That's a pretty solid group of shows. They actually picked pretty good shows. I don't want to get into judging other shows, but for the most part, I would have been happy losing to any of them. Yeah.

I mean, when you consider the jackasses who are voting on and picking these things. Yeah, I'm a member of the Academy. Not bad. Yeah. The jackasses who are voting on and picking these things. I'm a member of the Academy. Not bad. Yeah. But I think the thing with those voting bodies is that they're mostly older people, right? Like they're all, you know, no matter how many young people come in, it's always just, you know, guys who wrote a couple episodes of Airwolf in the 70s. I know I took a music business class at UCSC, and the guy who taught it was in the recording academy. And he would vote on the Grammys just by taking a poll of his class because he had never heard

of any of the R-Rights. Well, I mean, yeah, it's an aging body. And also, I feel like the people who have time to vote on stuff are the retirees. So I guess I guess I vote in the I vote in the SAG Awards every year. And yeah, I mean, I'm just I vote in the People's Choice Awards. I don't want to brag about that. I'm on the board of the Entertainment Awards for me. Thank you very much.

Brene Brith for me. I got a fake ID. I got a fake ID to vote in the Kids' Choice Awards. I mostly voted for slime. A lot of slime. Whether or not they should be slimed, you voted yes. But yeah, I mean it's something where you don't have to have seen everything. Like if I've seen one of the movies, that's usually the one I vote for.

So sorry to reveal what a sham the SAG Awards is. I know it's everybody's favorite night of glitz and glamour. Have you – now, I know that you didn't walk home with the trophy this year. No. But the Daily Show is nominated almost pretty much every year, right? It's – yes. I mean I don't know what the streak is, but I've been there for three years, and I've been nominated all three years, and I've won my first year. So I feel bad for the guys who joined the show after me, but on the other hand, I just don't give a shit sort of now.

Where do you keep your Emmy? I have it on my sideboard. Okay. It's propping up some cookbooks that I also have next to my alcohol. Yeah. Have you thought about chopping off the Emmy's head, hollowing it out, and filling it with booze? And then be really careful not to spill the booze. Yeah.

As like sort of a flask, like a really inconveniently shaped flask. Sure, yeah. That I can carry around. Just put it in your back pocket when you go to an outdoor music festival. No, this is just my Emmy. Yeah. There's no booze, sir. This is an everyday average Emmy.

Something you probably see every day, officer. Now, excuse me, I'm going to go behind the port-a-potty and suck on its head. I would like for you to become a spy. And you go, the KGB is turning you into some kind of counter-spy and the guy says to you, what is one object that you carry around everywhere you go but would be perfect to hide the microfilm? And you're like, Miami. Yeah. It did occur to me before coming here that the one year I won was the year I was not invited to come here on Jordan Jesse Go. So you guys may be a jinx.

That's true. I mean I did set this up with Dan pretty well in advance and I guess last year too. So, yeah. Okay. You've hexed me. You're out next year. Next year you're going on, I don't know, totally lame. We'll see what that does for your chances. You know what? Let's go one step further. You're going on, I don't know, Totally Lame. We'll see what that does for your chances.

You know what? Let's go one step further. You're going on Totally Mommy. I don't know what that is. That's Elizabeth Lame's mom cast. Okay. But I don't know what I can tell you. But I walked by John Voight, star of Baby Geniuses.

Sure. Anaconda 1. Yeah. First Anaconda film. Is that how it's referred to Baby Geniuses. Sure. Anaconda 1. Yeah. First Anaconda film. Is that how it's referred to now? Yeah. Well, I mean, I have the... On the DVD cover it said Anaconda.

On the Blu-ray cover it says Anaconda 1 because... You want to watch the collection. You don't have it. You're like, I don't know, is this searching for the blood orchid? Is there going to be a blood orchid in this? I don't know. My wife got to take a picture with Joel McHale, who was very kind about it. And suggested that they do the prom pose where he stood behind her with his arms encircling her.

That's cute. I keep an eye on McHale, though. Did he get a boner? I can only assume. I hope so. I told Sarah that if Timothy Oliphant was there for any reason that she had my permission to go to him. Although, I mean, I don't know. Oh, so Oliphant's her hall pass?

Yeah. He's a handsome man. I mean, I might. Oh, no, no. I mean, I'm not saying that's a bad choice. It's just, it's an interesting one. Timothy Oliphant I heard on Fresh Air one time, and it occurred to me that if you're that handsome and magnetic, like he is an example of one of those. Remember when Craig Kilbourne used to host the Late Late Show and when he couldn't get a guest, you would just have this beautiful woman on? just have this beautiful woman on like like two-thirds like half of the guests on the late late show were just a beautiful woman you've never heard of like a model or just like right someone

like the third down the list on the sports illustrated swimsuit issue list so he was using this as a dating service essentially but these women you would you would hear them talk to him one of the fatal flaws of the program was that you would hear them talk to him and you're like, they've never had need to talk effectively. They've had need to talk to convey their needs and wants. Yeah. They point to food items. But they've never had – and I felt like as I was listening to Timothy Oliphant, I was like, maybe this guy's – maybe that's what's going on with Timothy Olyphant. Like he's so stoic and handsome that people just do everything he needs just in case and he just has to sort of monosyllable his way through the world.

That's a little disappointing. I wonder that about Gosling, too, a little bit. I wonder that, too. So many of his performances are he's soft-spoken, he doesn't say a lot, he's the strong, silent type. I wonder how much is actually going on.

To a fault, too. Everyone really loved Drive. And I'm not saying I didn't enjoy Drive, but for the first half of Drive, I was like, is this guy supposed to be developmentally disabled my thing with drive is like yes he's handsome yes he's intense but he's rude people are talking to him and he's not responding like think if you like walked into a situation and ryan gosling and drived it you would just people would, when are you going to be back tonight? And you would just go – and turn around. Like, no, like that's a sociopath.

My tailor – I was at my tailor and he apparently – I saw one of those scorpion jackets. No, sure. On the thing. And I said, oh, is that one of those scorpion jackets from Drive, from the movie Drive? Yeah, he's like yeah we have a we got a thousand of these after Halloween in 2010 well what he said was yeah we made the scorpion jackets for Ryan Gosling for the movie because they do a lot of wardrobe work and he's like and uh and so they they gave us the rights to make them for people

who want them he said do you want he and then he's offered he's like I could make one for people who want them. He said, do you want – and then he offered. He was like, I could make one for you if you like. And I thought like what normal human being could go through the world wearing that? Yeah. I mean definitely it was the year Drive came out. It was the Halloween costume. But yeah, just like hanging around and going to Trader Joe's in a Scorpion jacket. Yeah. There's a guy who's like, this is what has been missing.

This is what's been holding me back from being Ryan Gosling. Sure. Not having this scorpion jacket. Yeah. Because I remember like watching not even like a good Liam Neeson movie. It was like the one unknown. Oh, sure. With him in January Jones?

Yeah. And he has like amnesia or something. And he's wearing like this sweater and an overcoat. And I'm like, I really want to wear those clothes. I love those clothes. I want to wear those clothes. And then I realized that the thing is I'm not Liam Neeson. That's the missing thing.

Not the fact that I don't have that sweater and coat. I think it's the classic dilemma of the dad who goes to Disneyland and buys the Indiana Jones hat. Yeah. You know what I mean? and buys the Indiana Jones hat. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's not happening for you. Right. Yeah. Maybe before you bought the Indiana Jones hat, you should take out the cell phone holster.

One thing you can lose. I mean, maybe. I mean, he made the scorpion jacket. Obviously, this guy's a talented dude. Can you – do you think it's just maybe the scorpion that's ostentatious? Maybe just – maybe another animal. Like a less impressive – like a lemur? Yeah, like sure.

I mean there's a lot. Right. Or a cute kitten. I mean an animal that's still powerful but it's not maybe like known for deadly force, you know? Maybe like a tapir. Okay. Right. So something with impressive physical strength. Sure, a hippo.

Or like a poison frog. Sure. It's small, but it's got very powerful poison. Right, yeah, exactly. If an ocelot was to eat this, he would be kind of sick for a few days. Another weird thing, my tailor makes a lot of weird different, because the thing is, it's like, I think just if you're a tailor that makes custom clothing in Los Angeles and you're willing to do something weird, which my tailor is Korean and I think that's like in Korean tailoring culture, there's not like a you do it my way thing, which there is in British and Italian tailoring culture. there is in British and Italian tailoring culture.

And so if you're willing to make something weird, you just get wardrobe work because wardrobe people need people to make, you know, whatever. It's like my friend Raul's mentor was famous for having made the crazy shoes for Star Trek the motion picture. Like that was like a big thing. Did they have crazy shoes? Yeah. was like a big thing and like they have crazy shoes yeah and even to this day raul raul's old mentor is 90 and uh uh senile lives in mexico but raul still like gets orders from star trek fans that want him them to make him to make them thousand dollar pairs of crazy star trek shoes

from star trek the motion picture but anyway the crazy things that my tailor makes, number one, Prince's stage clothes, which I don't know if you've ever seen the way Prince dresses, but it's distinctive. It's a little, yeah. He's known for being a little flamboyant, isn't he? It's the kind of- Purple color palette, I would say. It's the kind of clothes that even Prince almost can't pull off. Is Prince in good shape these days?

Prince is in great shape. Okay. Prince is- I guess the only, the most recent picture I saw of him was the one going around with him in the cane. At Wimbledon? Yeah, yeah. So, but yeah, I guess I couldn't tell if he was-

That was an affectation or something that was- Prince was having- Required at Wimbledon. Prince was having some hip problems at some point. Oh, okay. Interesting. No, Prince is in fantastic shape. No issues in that department.

It's really just that he's, you know, I mean, he's a 55-year-old man, however old he is at this point. And his taste may have been left behind a little. Sure. He may or may not currently dress half like Prince in 1986 and half like Steve Harvey in 2006. You know, just a little bit of each. Are you saying that Prince might be in some way cut off from the world and not understand? I would dare not to suggest such a thing. But the most remarkable thing that my tailor makes is the vestments for the Church of Scientology.

Wow. I bet those are some impressive vestments too. I bet they want those to be – I mean they have to be ready in case the mothership comes, right? So those have to be space ready. Yeah. The like one time I saw this crazy thing on his rack because, you know, just it's not a huge shop. So just whatever is ready is ready and it's just on the rack. And I was like, what is this crazy – what is this thing here? Mr. Lim, can you please tell me what this is? And he said it was not only was it a Scientology thing.

It was for David – what's his name? The king of the Scientologists. Oh, yeah. You know the guy I'm talking about? Yeah. David something? Either of you guys. David Miscavage?

Miscavage. Yeah. I think it's just Miscavage from the – Miscavage? Yeah, from the land. Yeah. I think it's just Miss Cabbage from the – Miss Cabbage? Yeah, from the land of vegetables. I don't know. Little Miss Cabbage? Yeah, from VeggieTales.

Scientology VeggieTales. I think that's what – yeah, maybe what Scientologists need is they need some sort of adorable CGI property to kind of like, you know, just gently kind of force their agenda. I was just this morning eating breakfast at a restaurant that is across the street from one of the big Scientology centers in Hollywood, California. This one is like, I guess it used to be a hospital or something like that is my guess. But it takes up an entire city block. And what's weird about it is the Scientologists all wear uniforms, all those scientists. I don't know what's the specific function of this building is, but it's a huge building. And the Scientologists there all wear these uniforms that make them look like some kind of hotel steward, I would say. And they walk out the front door, down the block, around the corner, and in the back

door. It's like when it's as though they were ants and the front door was where they lived and the back door, there was a brownie. You know what I mean? Or a spilled milkshake. Like they do it in a sort of steady and constant stream that the more I watched it as I was waiting to get a table in this restaurant, the more terrified I became. Yeah, it seems like they're just a few days away from organizing you know yeah or from turning their organization against sure yeah there you go yeah

they've already organized yeah like they're ready to go like whatever needs to go down they're ready for it a hundred percent like the most, you know, serious, deeply committed, second coming is imminent evangelical Christian group. I think if you're real about it, 40 percent ready for whatever goes down. Sure. You know what I mean? They've got some canned food. But they don't have epaulettes. Yeah, right.

You know what I mean? There've got some canned food. But they don't have epaulettes. Yeah, right? You know what I mean? There's no epaulettes there. You think that whatever invasion or like rapture is going to be shoulder-based? Do you think that? I think it's going to – The soul is going to escape through the shoulder, so you've got to reinforce that. Yeah, you've got to keep it in with – You need a clear, invisible chain of command is what I'm saying.

You want to know who's three-star, who's star, who's one star when Xenu comes. I don't have a sophisticated – I've got about as sophisticated an understanding of the precepts of Scientology as I do of any Polynesian culture, any given Polynesian culture. Okay. Well, I think we've gotten off of the depressing subjects reasonably well. We'll come back, maybe talk a little more about what it's like at the Emmys in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. You know that feeling you get when you hear a song that you just love? What about a new movie or a new book or a new TV show? I'm Jesse Thorne.

My show Bullseye points to the good stuff in popular culture, the kind of stuff that might change your life. In-depth interviews with cultural creators, critics' picks for the best new releases, and a weekly recommendation from yours truly. It's Bullseye with me, Jesse Thorne, from MaximumFun.org and NPR. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Dan McCoy, mournful sigh. Dan. Yeah. You're a beautiful man. Thanks. So you said four hours the Emmys take? Yeah, it's – you learn very quickly or my wife especially learned that she had I think no fewer than three, possibly four power bars in her clutch.

What are the four hours in question? Oh, God. Well, you have to understand, like, now every live action or live action nonfiction show has its stuff. Like, there's the unstructured nonfiction shows. There's the structured nonfiction shows. And they've got all their technical categories. You've got the special effects, like, categories. You've got the makeup categories.

All the below the line stuff. Literally everything has an award for every different genre. And they also give you, when you walk in, one tiny, maybe four ounce bottle of water that has Emmys on it. And that's all the liquid

that you're going to get for the next however long, which is good because you also don't want to have to get up and pee. When do people get up? Was there just a moment when one guy, and it was the, what's that American Idol guy? Simon Cowell? No, the host guy. Ryan Seacrest. Like, Ryan Seacrest gets up and everybody's like, okay, time to get up and go to pee.

I mean, during the Creative Arts Emmys, honestly, it's a little looser. Like, everyone around me was checking their phone constantly. Like, there was very little actual attention to what was going on on stage. But at the real ones, I know you don't know when your category is coming up at all. Oh, yeah, sure. With creative arts, because we're one of the more popular categories, because we put together like a monkey reel of like the funny clips of all the writers. A monkey reel is an industry term? Yeah.

Like, I don't know. There was like this one year, like Colbert's one was all the writers, like, on Tinder, and Colbert was swiping through, like, saying, no, no, no. Oh, that's cute. And ours was, like, a— But you guys were puppets one year, weren't you? Yeah, we had the Whatnots Muppets people make puppets of us. And we had, like, this year was Bush's paintings. They had the names of people.

That's pretty good. Oh, that's great. But so if it's creative arts, like, ours is one of the bigger categories, so you kind of know that it's going to be the end. But when we were on the big show, I had no idea, and I really had to pee because

I had first gone to the creative arts amuse the year before and knew how terrible it was, so I loaded up on as much beer as I possibly could before going in, which was not a good choice. So your thinking was, I want to go in there with a little bit of a buzz. I want to go in there as loaded as you can get in the one hour that the bar is open before the thing starts. Oh, interesting.

So there is a— Open bar or cash bar? Cash bar. So there is a bar, but it's only there for a limited time? Yeah. Okay, interesting. And it's in heavy rotation. it's only there for a limited time? Yeah. Okay, interesting. And it's in heavy rotation. What are you paying for a beer at the Emmys?

These are beers you would get at a stadium. You're paying like six or seven bucks, but for a large bar. Can you also get an ice cream sundae and a helmet? You can't. You can get popcorn. What are you going to pay for a red rope? You can't afford it. I guess, I mean, not to armchair quarterback you here, Dan, but, I mean, was beer the best?

I mean, if you're looking for a buzz, I mean, can you just do get three cocktails or, you know, a couple of a big double or something like that? Was that not the better way to go? Rubbing alcohol, man. Yeah, sure. Well. Sorry. That's not the better way to go. Rubbing alcohol, man. Yeah, sure. Well – Sorry. I mean I know hindsight is 20-20 and – I guess you should have been nominated because of your superior drinking plans.

Yeah. Jordan. Instead of making me feel – I mean I just lost an Emmy. But if you want to make me feel bad about my drinking strategies. I'm sorry. No, no. Go ahead. I'm sorry.

I'm sure – No, it's fine. Go ahead, no. Go ahead. I'm sorry. I'm sure – No, it's fine. Go ahead, guys. I'm sure my – I'm sure I'll someday be recognized for my contribution to the hashtag war short quotes. Any year now. You're part of the same family though. You're like – Yeah.

It's us and then Colbert and then you. I'll say. I mean I – In that order. I opened up to you a little bit in the car, Dan, but I was not – despite being a Comedy Central employee, I was not invited to the Comedy Central Emmy Party and definitely felt a lot of social network-based jealousy last night looking at everybody. Wait. Who gets invited and who doesn't? I don't know. Not me. That's bullshit.

You know who gets invited? Dan. You know who doesn't get invited? Jordan. That's bullshit. You know who gets invited? Dan. You know who doesn't get invited? Jordan. And it didn't seem to be a particularly Comedy Central-centric crowd either. Cartman wasn't there.

I saw Scott Ackerman and Ricky Lindholm there, both nice people. Yeah, they're on a rival network. So, yeah. That's bullshit. Everyone tweet at Comedy Central. You know what? No, don't. Now that I think of it, I've never been nominated for an Emmy. I hosted a television show for almost six months.

Sure. And I hosted another television show that never went to series, but they did air the segments from it repeatedly over the course of several years. Do you think your controversial views about Israel might be part of it? You know what I think it is? I think I probably just forgot to send in the packet, right? Yeah. Or like just my people. Yeah.

And to be fair, his controversial opinion about Israel is that they have funny voices. It's nothing about their religion or their policies. Is that I think karate is way better than Krav Maga. Ah, sure. Yeah. So four hours, when does way better than Krav Maga? Ah, sure. Yeah. So four hours. When does it start? When does it end?

We got in there at 3.30 and, yeah, about 7.30, I guess, would have been the – Then what do you do? You go to Musso and Frank's? You go to the Governor's Ball, which is you just walk down the block. And you walk in. You know, it's a big place. You get dinner. There's music and dancing and an open bar.

So there's the open bar. Is the governor there? No. The governor of Missouri is there, and you get to throw things at him. You really fucked this one up! Yeah. No, but you walk in. Like, it was weird. The theme this year was...

I mean, they usually tell you what the theme is on the tickets. And one year it was Romantic Rhapsody in Red. One year it was Enchanted Forest. Wait. This isn't real. This is not real. Dan McCoy, you're just recalling your homecoming dances from high school. So the two examples, were those two examples real?

Actual ones. Romantic Rhapsody in Red is kind of nice and general. Sure. It has a color and just kind of a general vibe. Enchanted Forest seems like you should be wearing antlers. That seems way more specific. It had sort of like fake crystals all over the place, like a forest that might be, you know, an ice queen may have come through and touched something and turned it all to frost. Sure, yeah, yeah.

But this year. But you're not expected to dress according to the era. You didn't have to wear elf ears. Yeah, I had to take off my tux and in between put on a doublet. There was no theme on the ticket, but the theme seemed to be lasers. Locked in. It was all smoke machines and lasers. And it's like, oh, well, now we're at a Floyd concert after four hours of that.

Sure, yeah. Smoke a little dude behind the governor's ball. I like that the governor's ball is doing like a 1987 type thing. It did seem that maybe it was like there was some sort of gay pride theme because there were rainbows on the wall but I was kind of unclear as to what... Gays love lasers. That's why they call them gazers.

They're starting to call them that. It delighted me more than it probably should have. You're like, you know what? I wish someone would say the world's most obvious joke. Is dinner at the Gay Pride Emmys – what's it called? The Governor's Ball. Yeah. Are we talking about beef, chicken, fish, vegetarian?

Yeah. I think – Buffet? Buffet? It's served to you. But I think that if you want something that's not the main thing you have to ask for specifically. Kosher option? Halal?

It was beef. It was the main dish. And I kind of like – I have to imagine that in a Hollywood crowd, there's going to be a shit ton of vegetarians there who are specifically having like – I think maybe when you're getting into like acting Emmys. Yeah. Maybe more so. But creative arts, that's a bunch of slobs. Beef-e like acting Emmys. Yeah. Maybe more so. But creative arts. Right.

That's a bunch of slobs. Beef-eating slobs. Thanks. No, it was salad. It was beef. It was some weird ice cream thing. Oh, that's nice. What kind of weird ice are we talking about?

Like fried Alaska? That's fried ice cream. It's pretty weird. It's one of those things where like there's layers. It's nested layers of ice cream and cookie and whatever. Now, you say it's weird. It's one of those things where there's layers. It's nested layers of ice cream and cookie and whatever. And now you say it's weird. It sounds pretty good to me.

It sounds pretty good. Look, I've never been nominated for an Emmy, so I wouldn't know. The thing is, the actual details of this, other than lasers, is pretty boring, I'm realizing, as we're talking about it. Oh yeah, definitely should have led with ice cream cookie combination. Yeah.

And then when you saw it starting to drift off, then you're like, oh, by the way, it was covered in gay lasers. Does Joel McHale come to that party, too? No, that's where, yeah, that's where we got the – I don't know whether, like, these are, like, secrets of the Governor's Ball that I'm not supposed to be revealing, but I – If they are, you'd think they'd be better. Yeah. There are – It seems like, oh, and If they are, you'd think they'd be better. Yeah. There are... It seems like, oh, and then there's, you know... Like, oh, and then there's a party.

Yeah, and then the... And that party is what you would expect. Yeah, and then the Joker comes in, he snaps a pool cue in half, throws it on the ground and makes everybody fight for the remnants so they can beat each other. Yeah. No, the weird thing about the thing is that, like, at every table, they give you a list of everyone who's there and the table that they're at. Oh, so you can go check them out. Yeah, celebrity stalking.

Did you see anybody? You saw Mikhail. Did you hunt down anybody else based on your list? I didn't hunt down anybody else. I saw people milling around. I saw Jenny McCarthy at one point. I saw Kate Mara. Well, you've got to get a picture with Jenny McCarthy.

She's one of the worst people in the world. Interesting that Jenny McCarthy... Interesting how people just stay famous enough to go to that stuff, you know? Although I guess she's still on TV, right? I don't know. She's not on The View anymore.

She was on The View, but she got the boot, right? I don't know. Hard to say. I really hope I actually saw Ginny McCarthy and not just random Hollywood starlet. Woman with enormous breasts. Exactly. I just had this vision of Ginny McCarthy listening to George Jesse go as she does every week. Sure.

And I just made her feel really bad when I said she was one of the worst people on earth. She isn't actually probably one of the worst people on earth. But like throwing down. She's doing her best. She's just doing a bad job. Sure. Yeah. No, she's terrible but she's okay. She's great. I dated a girl once who one of her favorite

legitimate favorite movies was the movie Jenny McCarthy made called Dirty Love. Oh yeah, Dirty Love. Dirty Love. Oh, yeah. Dirty Love. Dirty Love. Dirty Love was the – Yeah.

They were clearly trying to – That's one of my favorite movies. They were clearly trying to capitalize off the amazing success of Dirty Work. Like how can we get some of this heat? And one of the scenes from Dirty Love – and you could tell – I don't know. Like just watching it – I mean it's a wretched movie and you could tell the kind of the idea was like, oh, let's make our something about Mary, you know, like let's put in as many

gross out moments as possible and there's one scene where Jenny McCarthy goes to the supermarket and gets her period and just, she just launches blood all over the floor and then is like slipping in the blood like a Three Stooges villain will slip on pies.

And it's just this crazy thing. And it's like it's not – it's not – you're not – it's not explained that maybe Jenny McCarthy has a super period or if like why she's bleeding so much and why it's gushing all over the place and causing her to slip. An injury that's been aggravated by getting her period. Yeah, yeah. It's like there's just this crazy cartoon version of human biology going on with no explanation. My old football trick. My trick vagina. Oh, I can tell it's going to rain because my trick vagina is acting. It's like stealing blood. Oh, I can tell it's gonna rain because I'm...

My trick vagina's acting... Yeah, sure. Like the bed in Freddy Krueger 1. Sorry. I've actually seen this movie. Yeah. But I don't remember anything about it. I've blocked it from my mind. Did you do an episode of your

hit show, The Flop House, about it? No, we did not. Although my friend Stuart and I watched it together. You watched it recreationally. Recreationally. Yeah. But I have to ask, having forgotten

everything about the movie. I will say I think that's all I remember, but go ahead. Maybe I'll have another. Does the scene end with a stock boy going, clean up on aisle four?

It should. Okay. Someone knows that. Was there anyone anyone did you like go through the list with like a with like a pen because i'm imagining you taking the list in my mind by the way it looks like the roster from my middle school yeah you got a pencil behind your ear you take it out lick the tip and then you start checking people off that you want to and crossing people out that you don't want to. And you say, got to collect them all. Wait, were there any Pokemon? Bulbasaur did not show up.

He only goes to the main Emmys. Bulbasaur is such a snob. Yeah. Oh, I hate that sore. Yeah. But Pikachu is a real man of the people, a real Pokemon of the people. You know what? I actually – I was talking to Pikachu the other day about Hillary Clinton's possible run for president.

Sure. And I said to him, what do you think about this? She seems like she wants to break from Obama but at the same time take credit for her work in the Obama administration. And you know what he – he said something that I thought was really trenchant. Pikachu. And you know what he said? He said something that I thought was really trenchant. Pikachu. I could see it coming down the road, but then it would make me less delighted. Don't get me started on Groot's speech on tort reform.

So was there anyone there that you were personally excited? I mean, Joel McHale is great. And Joel McHale is also, in addition to being really funny and stuff, he's a very nice dude too. And I've met him in like similar circumstances to that. And I was like, this guy is a nice guy. Good work, Joel McHale. One of the presenters was Judy Greer. And I would have dearly loved to have met her.

But I think she cut out before the governor's ball. Yeah, Greer's got places to be. She's got other stops to make. Man, I'll tell you what. When Judy Greer was on Bullseye not that long ago, she ended the interview without me asking for it by saying, say goodbye to these. She knows what people want to hear.

Judy Greer is a princess. She's a solid gold dancer as far as I'm concerned. I mean, I'm glad. I've enjoyed her new show, but I'm also glad that she's sort of in a starring role in a new show because she's always been relegated

to the goofy sidekick and things. It's amazing. Just a great example of how like in mainstream things, they have to get the most attractive person in the world to play the goofy person. Right. Yeah, I was like, just the whole world. Has the world gone mad?

Can only I see that she's gorgeous? Sure, I know. Yeah. That's how I feel. The thing that I think I like the most about that show, well, I like a lot of things about that show. One of the things that I like about that show is that one of my best friends is on it. Sure.

But one thing that I thought was really cool about it was that both of the leads, not just Judy Greer, but also Nat Faxon, are these people who are so great, so talented, so funny, such good actors. And both are gorgeous, but in like a slightly more human way. And for some reason, their humanity has precluded them from being the star of anything. You know, like if you see Nat Faxon walking down the street, you're like, get a load of that fucking hunk. Yeah. You know what I mean? And same with Judy Greer. You're like, what a freaking babe. You know what I mean? And same with Judy Greer. You're like, what a freaking babe.

You know what I mean? Yeah. So call us, you guys. We're putting it out there. 206-984-4FUN. Leave a message. That's our number. Okay.

Or if, you know, you're in the grocery store and an old woman farts or something. That's another good reason to call. Speaking of which, we'll be back. But also if you want to have sex with us. We'll be back with Momentous Occasions in just a second. Hi, everybody. I'm Justin McElroy. And I'm Dr. Sydney McElroy.

Every Tuesday, we bring you Sawbones, a marital tour of misguided medicine, a show about all the dumb, weird, terrible ways that we've tried to fix each other over the years. You know, some light summer listening. Maybe you want to hear about yogurt enemas, or why we tried to eat mummies for a while, or why drinking cholera diarrhea sounded like a good idea. That and so much more is waiting for you every Tuesday right here on the Maximum Fun Network with Sawbones, a marital tour of misguided medicine.

Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, Dan McCoy, mournful sigh. I have to say, we just got delivered some breaking news. Bombshell news in more ways than one. I am still processing this news. Our intrepid engineer and producer, Jennifer, was quick on the draw and used the power of the internet to find out why Jenny McCarthy was at the Emmys. And it's because she and Donnie Wahlberg are not only an item, but a very serious item. And Donnie Wahlberg was nominated for an Emmy for his reality show, The Wahlbergers. What category is that in? So I just want to tip my...

Outstanding unstructured reality. Outstanding unstructured reality program. So I doff my cap to the entertainment industry. Long may it reign. Good work, America, for supporting all of that. Their relationship, you mean? Just the whole thing. Their whole deal

from the Wahlburgers to keeping people from getting vaccinated. Just the whole operation. You know what I'm talking about? Sure. Everything under that umbrella. So is structured reality show mean like a game show type show and unstructured means a show that's written by writers?

I think so. Yeah. And I was just like Hardwick was nominated for At Midnight's interactive thing. Yeah. They ran into each other and were kind of awkward with each other. Oh, I don't know uh i mean i i know that uh for at midnight we have written some jokes about jenny mccarthy and he is perfectly fine delivering them so yeah i think it's uh i think it's a thing where they probably

haven't talked in a long time and probably don't care to yeah i think I think he's, I will also say about Chris that, you know, he's been on The Sound of Young America a few times over the years. And, you know, when I do that, a lot of times I read a lot of interviews with him.

He is always exceedingly gracious about Jenny McCarthy. It's not like they have a feud or anything like that. Like, I mean, Chris is a pretty publicly gracious guy now behind closed doors. A monster. Yeah, just a... No anything like that. Like, I mean, Chris is a pretty publicly gracious guy now behind closed doors.

A monster. Yeah, just a. No, like Chris is a gracious guy, but I, I, you know,

I don't think there's any static between them just because Jenny McCarthy has weirdly transformed into whatever it is that she is. And he has had such, and he has had, right. He has had such lovely success. Yeah, sure. I wish unstructured, I wish like the other nominees in unstructured reality show were all like Verite documentaries, like Salesman or whatever. Anything by the Maisels, really.

Yeah, Anything Maisel. That should be the category, Anything Maisel. Yeah. Dan, what is the most memorable film that you recently watched for your hit podcast, The Flophouse, in which you watch films that have reputations for being less than superb? Jeez. They all go out of my brain almost immediately, honestly. Yeah, it's interesting. I think you guys – something that I like a lot about the show is that it's not like talking about an incompetent movie like Birdemic or something like that.

But it's just a movie that kind of came and went that you were maybe curious about but couldn't bring yourself to see. And then you get a synopsis of it and some great jokes about it. So yeah, I feel like a lot of times the movies are just kind of these weird flashes or something like that. Yeah. The ones that – I mean the ones that do stick in your head are the ones that are kind of outliers for us, the ones that we pick just because they're so fascinating looking and not actually big Hollywood films like Food Fight or something.

Oh, that's right. Oh, yeah. I love the Food Fight episode. That's a great one. What was Food Fight? Food Fight is this movie where, like, someone saw a toy story basically and was like, oh, the idea of, like, toys coming to life. That's very charming. You know what else kids love?

All of their favorite branded characters from the supermarket. So what we're going to have is when the lights go down at the grocery store, all the food characters come out to play. Wait, like Toucan Sam? Yeah. Is the Jolly Green Giant involved? I think he is. And Sprout? Sprout.

The thing is, they could not get a bunch of actual branded characters like they wanted to they i think they thought like this will help pay for the movie we'll have a synergy here but there's almost no ones that you recognize like twinkie the kid shows up at one point i think but otherwise it's just terrible like anime like and they like released it unfinished too right like it's they terrible, like, animation. And they, like, released it unfinished, too, right? Like, it's... They started making it, and the animation all got stolen halfway through making it. So they had to redo the whole thing. Wait, it got stolen?

Yeah. What does that even mean? I don't know. Someone broke in. It was like, hmm. Who cares about this expensive animating equipment? I'm going to take these decks of tapes that have all the information on it. Wow.

Okay. When something momentous happens to you, like, for example, half of your movie gets stolen, we ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN. Let's go to the calls. Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. Hi, guests. My name is Josh from Marietta, Georgia. I have a momentous occasion. I'm at a Walmart where they have some $5 CDs,

and among them is Miley Cyrus's bangers a little girl walked up to the CD then without even skipping a beat pulled it reached in and pulled it out and said look mommy and her mom said to her I will punch you in the face and she said no you won't and her mother said yes I, I will punch you in the face. And she said, no, you won't. And her mother said, yes, I will, and started walking away. And it was pretty great. I liked it. Good job, Mom.

Thanks. I love the show. Bye. Whoa. An endorsement of Chad. Yeah, right? Whoa. I mean, I guess I agree that a five-year-old probably shouldn't be –

I should know better. You're too old for Miley Cyrus. That's for four-year-olds. Yeah, wow. Have you had to go to those lengths with the kids yet? Have you had to threaten to – To hit them? Have I hit any of my children?

Give them a dead leg or – You know if they talk back to me yeah you know you got to teach them a lesson once in a while no i purple nurple fix that back talk children don't you they really like so far my my older son's three now anything that that he's interested in, it's my fault. He has no autonomy. I'm sure by the time he's five, he'll be talking about things with his peers. He'll be getting FHM. Sure. But right now, what does he like the big bird

movie you know it's because i bought it at the thrift store on dvd for a dollar i was like yeah the big bird movie yeah simon can watch the big bird movie if he wants to you know what i mean um i do i do have to say that um i don't think I'm built for Yo Gabba Gabba. We've talked about this before. Okay. Yeah. I don't think it's – I think it's for a different person who is also a parent. Yeah.

I think it's just – I think what it is is that I think when you – it seems like when you become a parent, you automatically have to ingest tons and tons of kid stuff that you wouldn't normally be ingesting. And I think Yo Gabba Gabba, hipster parents like it so much just because it has a little gleam of coolness in it. So they don't feel like they're watching. It's so funny. I got together with some – two high school buddies recently who both have – they both have two-year-olds and then like three-months-olds. And then we couldn't go out and do something because of the kids. So I just kind of came and visited and they had the three-months-old on their laps and we all just sat around talking while Despicable Me played in the background for the other ones to – so I think that you just have to ingest all that stuff all the time. So when something is like a little bit cool, you're like, oh, fucking finally, something

that, yeah. So I think that's why Yo Gabba Gabba is so, you know, beloved by hipster parents. There's some stores in like, there's a slew of stores in Brooklyn where it's, you know, basically like you get, I don't know, you get your greeting cards there and your homemade wrapping paper and also some old tin toys and a book about brewing your own moonshine. And I feel like Yo Gabba Gabba, that store was made into a children's show. Yeah, I'll tell you what show I do like that is like a contemporary show. There's a show called, and I totally don't hate Yo Gabba Gabba at all. I don't regret introducing it to him at all.

It has a lot of fun things on it. But there's a show that's produced by the people who used to produce Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood called Daniel Striped Tiger's Neighborhood or Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood. I don't know why. Something funny came up, I forget what I was watching, but a commercial for the Daniel Striped Tiger event, one-hour event where they have a new baby came on. Oh. Yeah.

So I'm like, wow, there's a lot going. And then I guess maybe it was I was listening to – You're hanging out watching Frontline. Yeah. It was probably Frontline. I forget what I was watching. American Experience. I don't know. I forget what I was watching. American Experience. I don't know.

Old Hewell Housers. Anyways, then I heard on Pardo that the Daniel Striped Tiger is a Mr. Rogers spinoff. Yeah, it is. It exists in the neighborhood of Mr. Rogers.

Mr. Rogers is not a character in it. The main character is Daniel Striped Tiger. But Daniel Striped Tiger has parents in this who are also tigers. And it's animated. And what I like about it is that it is, it has these little songs.

And the songs are, like, totally within the ability of my child to grasp. And the songs are like totally within the ability of my child to grasp. And they totally actually help us teach him to like behave and be good in the world. Like they're actually, you can tell they're like really research driven and functional. And it's a very sweet. I don't want to watch it. Like, let's be clear. It's for two year olds andolds and three-year-olds. You know what I mean?

Wait, are you mad? Do you think people are watching Yo Gabba Gabba without kids? No, I think they're watching it with their kids. I think that part of what Yo Gabba Gabba is, is this thing like, oh, it's for parents and kids together. Like, I watch, you know, we don't sit my son in front of the tv a lot but you know you know i like seeing biz marky sure i think it's i think it's fun when uh mark mother's draw something you know what i mean that's fun um and it has fun songs too you know uh but i i like how sort of sweet and functional it is i kind of like how it's not cool at all does not care if it's cool uh but it's also not fucking stupid you know what

i mean like that's the other thing is so many of these shows are so fucking stupid like insulting like they just take the fact that you can entertain a little kid with almost anything that's moving on a screen and just use it to just warp their little brains. Would the kids not sit still for an Adventure Time? No, I think Adventure Time is pretty far ahead. Yeah, I mean, I think Adventure Time, they're going to have to be five or six before. Gotcha. Because Adventure Time really is for like a 10 year old. Yeah.

You know what I mean? And I think, you know, a six year old could watch adventure time and get something out of it because adventure time is beautiful. I mean, adventure time is a really wonderful thing, but a little kid, they only get certain things out of things.

You know, I mean, if it was stupid programming, would you respect it more if it had kind of integrity about that? Like whether, you know, I mean – If it was stupid programming, would you respect it more if it had kind of integrity about that? Like whether – you know, if someone just pointed like a camera at someone like jingling some keys at the screen. Well, I mean, you know, it's honest about what it is. It's just movement and sound. I mean it's not a bad idea.

We just throw some sugar cereal commercials in there and, you know, I think we got a pretty solid business model going, Dan. Let's do it. Yeah, I think we got a pretty solid business model going Dan let's do it yeah I mean it's a it's a sweet thing that's what I like about it and then we watched we watched Mr. Rogers on Sesame Street together

and I don't try not to watch the Sesame Streets with Elmo in it because Elmo makes me feel crazy you guys gonna watch the Daniel Striped Tiger one hour

new baby movie sounds like something we should check out yeah sounds like the TV event of the season. We watch it on the Amazon or something. Hello Sharknado 2. Yeah, right?

We're going to be live tweeting Daniel Striped Tiger new baby. We have one more call. Let's hear it. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. This is Shannon from Houston with Momentification. My husband is always trying to lose weight and doesn't want me to keep anything fattening in the house. And he is notorious for coming home and digging into the pantry and finding some strange thing to eat. So this afternoon, I come home and he's in the pantry

and I said, what are you doing? And he said, I don't have an Oreo. And I said, we don't have any Oreos. And he's like, no, no, we do. These are Oreos. Well, they were dog treats. We both were laughing so hard. And then he had this horrified look on his face, and he said, I ate six. So it was pretty momentous and thought you guys might get a kick out of it. Good job. Have a good day. Bye.

I'm concerned about this lady's husband. I feel like you've got to get this guy to a hospital because something has happened to his taste buds. Yeah, get your husband to the hospital, Betty Magoo. Some brain aneurysm has taken out. Geez, yeah. Because there's no way that those things taste like chocolate. That's crazy. Chocolate is poisonous to dogs.

That would be the opposite of what it would taste like. Because the opposite of the poisonous thing is what is good for someone. I'm ready to invite Sharon on Jordan Jessico as a guest just so we can listen to her talk. Yeah. What a mellifluous voice. Cool drawl. I love a nice drawl. Nice lady drawl?

Bring that on the program. Yeah, I like a gentleman draw, too. You get Wade Goodwin on the radio for me? Sure. NPR's Wade Goodwin? Yeah, I'm in. Wade Goodwin in Dallas, Texas? Yeah, you bet.

You bet your buttons. Mm-hmm. Just get some draw and some Judy Greer. Six is a lot. Yeah. But, I mean, the good thing is he got all of his medicine in that. Sure, yeah. He'd hidden the medicine inside.

His worms medication. He's not over grooming anymore. Okay. If you have a momentous occasion, give us a call. 206-984-4FUN. 206-984-4FUN, 206-984-4FUN, or email it to us at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. The easiest thing to do is just take out your phone right now

and put in the number because you remember it right now, 206-984-4FUN. And then when something momentous happens, you'll be ready to go. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Dan McCoy, mournful sigh.

Dan, it's been an absolute joy and a pleasure to have you on the program. Did I, when this is released, did I make it in for the end of Analogous? Did that, or is it going to be after? This will be, yeah, yeah. This will be during Analogous. So I make it in for the end of Analogous? Or is it going to be after? This will be, yeah. This will be during Analogous. So I slipped it in at the tail end. Thank you. ME loser. Did you have that in the clip written on your palm?

I did. On the airplane? You're like, oh, oh, oh. Dan, honestly, you lubed it up so much I didn't even notice. Thanks. Thanks, buddy. Yeah. Dan's smash hit podcast is The Flophouse, The Terrible, The Ignored, The Not Well-Remembered.

Exactly. The Never Noticed. Yeah. At flophousePodcast.com. And I think you should listen to it for a variety of reasons, some of which will be revealed in a few weeks, some of which are just because it's great. Thank you. Dan McCoy, also the music artist behind the legendary disco hit, The Hustle. So congratulations.

Yeah. You would think I could just live on the royalties of that. Yeah. I've got a second career as a television writer. Sure. And he looks great. You just like to work, you know? Yeah.

Honestly, a little paler than you did back then. Thanks. But congratulations on all your success in the field of music. I appreciate it. And I guess that's about it. If you want to talk about the show, forum.maximumfun.org is a great place to go. Hashtag it.

JJGo on Twitter. Join us on Facebook. We've got a Facebook group. And a lot of fun on the MaxFun Reddit every week. You know, a lot of times people post up 20, 40, 50 different comment discussions. It's not just LeThreeper. A lot of fun folks. It's all kinds of fun people up there in the Maximum Fun. No, it's reddit.com slash r slash MaximumFun for that. Forum.maximumfun.org for the forum. And, hey, you can go up there in the Reddit.

You can probably see a picture of a guy's fucking race car that he put the MaxFun logo rockets on. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it, assholes. In closing, go fuck yourselves. Wow. That message courtesy of Dan McCoy. First you surprised me with your sad heartfelt tale and then a little libel at the end. Jen Marmer on the boards this week. Our producer is Brian Fernandez.

If you want a t-shirt, go to maxfundstore.com. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, go.