Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 340: Sexual Icons with Nate DiMeo

Episode Date: September 1, 2014

Writer and podcaster Nate DiMeo joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of the discussion of Space Jam, videos of people playing video games, and Jordan's trip to Six Flags.

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Beautiful day in Los Angeles. Weekday afternoon we're recording this program. It's great, you know. It's a weekday. We're getting some work done, Jordan. Tons of, yeah. Our nose is to the grindstone. I'm getting rhinoplasty.

Oh, great. While we're doing this. Yeah. So there might be some, if there's a change in Jesse's vocal quality, it's just because they're hammering a little hammer into your nose bone. Oh, yeah, sure. Well, I just wanted to shave a little bit off. I wanted to be sharp. Sure. I brought in a picture. They asked me to bring in a picture.

Mm-hmm. And I brought in a picture of Woody Woodpecker. Oh, sure. And asked for something like that. Are you – okay. Now, in wanting to look like Woody Woodpecker, is this purely cosmetic? Is it purely because Woody Woodpecker is such a, I mean, a sexual icon? Or do you actually feel like you need to be able to poke holes in trees to store your acorns?

Well, I've had, I'm going to be honest with you, if you don't mind me laying it all out. I don't. I've had a hard time finding places to put all my acorns lately because I've had a lot of squirrels on the property and they're getting into my stash holes. So that's number one. I'm just laying that out there. Number two, the sexual icon issue. As far as I'm concerned, there are three great sexual icons of the 1960s. Catherine Deneuve, Twiggy, and Woody Woodpecker. Yeah.

I mean, when you see him, you know, hammering at that tree, carving out the, you know, MGM logo or whatever it was that he was carving out. I mean, your mind immediately goes to, what if instead of a tree, that were my genitals? Well, this is what I want. Yeah. When I'm walking, and I told this to my surgeon, we'll introduce our guest here in a second, bring him into this conversation. It's an important conversation. What I told my surgeon was I said to him, I want to walk down the street and when a beautiful woman sees me, she turns and I hear.

You know what I mean? Yeah. I want that moment where she knows. That you could hammer a hole in her genitals in which you could store an acorn. If the need presented itself. hammer a hole in her genitals in which you could store an acorn. If the need presented itself. If those squirrels keep on upsetting the stash. Our guest this week on the program is the creator of the podcast,

The Memory Palace, for MaximumFun.org. He is also a Thurber Prize-nominated author. That's true. And television scribe. That's also true. Occasionally. You say that like you were you think Jesse's

going to insert fake credits. Because I'm looking at his nose and I haven't seen the rhinoplasty. Yeah, yeah. Well, I haven't gotten it yet.

I'm getting it. I said I was getting it today. While we while we yeah, we multitask on this show. Do you see a little tiny hammer yet? No. Well, then why would you expect to see the results before you see the work?

That's what you entertainment industry people never understand. You have to put in the work first before you get the results. All I see here is a stash hole. Jesse's going to be getting rhinoplasty while we record this podcast. I'm going to be making some progress on four picks, one word. So, you know, we're all going to be getting a lot done. That's good. No, I'm just glad that I was not doing anything today so I could step in at the last minute when your guest, Taylor Swift, dropped out.

Nate DeMeo is our guest. Number one, Taylor Swift did not drop out on us. We dropped Taylor Swift because we were uncomfortable with the racial undertones of her new video. That's number one. I want to make that clear. We had Taylor Swift booked on this program on the basis of the idea that she was America's friendliest white. You know, like the white person that you could count on not to get anybody riled up. Right.

You know, talented enough, attractive enough, nice hair, as Lindsay, our colleague Lindsay over here would tell you. She'll tell you that in a second. But as soon as things got sticky for our relationship. You bailed? We're out of there. Really? Yeah, we dumped her like a hot potato. We don't need Taylor Swift.

Taylor Swift needs us. Is that why you went to your second guest, Attorney General Eric Holder? And he's out of town. I know. Yeah. It's so distinctly inconvenient to us. We, I mean, I'm not going to... Nate, we felt like your new music video was very racially sensitive.

You like that? Yeah. You like the thing with the Nez Perce people? Yeah. Yeah, that's good. We did. And I like that you shook hands with an Asian guy who then turned around and shook hands with a rabbi. Yeah, exactly.

We thought that was great. Right. We thought that was a nice message. Thank you very much. We worked on that for a long time in post. I mean. What's the name of the song? Anaconda?

Great song. Thank you. And you're, I mean, listen, I know that you're all about the message. I am. I am. Racial harmony. Yes. And the method.

Asians shaking hands with, you know, others. Others. Rabbis. But your ass looks great in the video. Thank you very much. I've been working on that for a long time. Yeah. I went to the rhinoplasty guy and said –

What can you do for an ass? What can I do for an ass? I know you work primarily on the nose. He sent me away. It was sad because there was no more work to be done. Sure. He just – you know what he said? I'm imagining.

Yeah, really? Okay. I imagine he took a nice piece of stationery. Mm-hmm. He wrote, dearest Nate. Yes. Dearest Nathaniel. Nathan, actually.

Dearest Nathan, actually. Uh-huh. Real men have curves. Sincerely, Dr. Rhinoplasty. That's terrific. Which is a remarkable coincidence that his surname is Rhinoplasty. That's terrific. Which is a remarkable coincidence that his surname is Rhinoplasty.

Well, you assume that, you know, it was sort of destiny. Yeah. Right. That one day he would grow up to operate on butts.

Almost as much of a coincidence as the fact that John Wetzel grew up to start Wetzel's Pretzels. Okay, we've got more of this kind of dumb shit coming up in just a second on Attorney Jesse Goh. Attorney General Eric Holder.

It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, the voice of the millennial generation. Jordan Morris, girl reporter. Nate DeMeo, Woody Woodpecker expert. It has come to my attention that some young people may or may not know about Woody Woodpecker. I'm concerned about that. I don't want them to be left out. My recommendation, if you're out there, you don't know who Woody Woodpecker is.

Go to your local library. Read the seven-volume novel series. Yeah, go to the microbeach section. Woody Woodpecker goes west. Go to the section. Woody Woodpecker of the Klondike. Go to D for Dostoevsky. Yeah.

That's right. So as a millennial expert, what do you feel like the takeaway? What do people need to know? What do young kids need to know about Woody Woodpecker? Well, ultimately, I think the best way to understand anyone is to develop empathy. And so for millennials like myself who lack my breadth of knowledge. Sure. You know, sure.

I know a lot about the culture of those who went before me. I'm a millennial myself, so do I know a lot about where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? Yes, I do. Do you want to talk about a lot of things? Do you want to talk about a lot of things about Rockapella with me? I can. But if you want to talk to me about something from the 1950s like Woody Woodpecker, I'm capable of doing that.

I go all the way back to Foxy Grandpa as we've learned on this program. So – I think the first thing a kid needs to know about Woody Woodpecker, as good as Bugs Bunny. That baseline, hey, Bugs Bunny, you probably know. He's great. One would hope. Woody Woodpecker, as good. And that is true specifically because they know him from Space Jam.

Right. In which he's not that good. Space Jam is not a good movie. It's not his best work. And Woody Woodpecker is not that great either. So like a solid B minus for Bugs Bunny and Space Jam and Woody Woodpecker overall. Why do you think this was the year of Space Jam nostalgia? As a millennial expert.

Yeah. What's your take on it? We want to hear your take. Time to sound off. I don't profess. I speak for millennials. Sure. And I am a millennial.

Right. No, clearly. But I don't necessarily, it's not my job to know everything about every in and out of millennials. Just enough to speak for them as a generation. Sometimes – well, here's the thing. I spoke out against Space Jam recently, which was very controversial, not least because – On what forum?

In the website called Twitter. Okay. Oh. I've heard of that. You know, our friend Griffin McElroy. I hear that's a great place to get your news. It is. A friend of ours named Griffin McElroy from the McElroy Brothers podcast, My Brother,

My Brother and Me, of MaximumFun.org. He's been a vocal supporter of Space Jam and, in fact, has written himself into Space Jam in a series of fictional exploits. And that wasn't what bothered me. What bothered me was a link to an oral history of Space Jam. Now, I don't like oral histories that much to begin with because I feel like they're for transcriptionists, transcription enthusiasts, and the job of the oral historian who – let's face it. The oral historian who's writing for BuzzFeed or whatever.

Studs Terkel doesn't have this issue. The average oral historian, his job is to transcribe and then put in chronological order. My main problem with oral history is that you read the whole thing and at the end you don't get to eat any pussy. And his job is to transcribe and then put in chronological order. My main problem with oral history is that you read the whole thing and at the end you don't get to eat any pussy. I was ready. I had my goggles on. So I don't want to hear an oral history of that. You're too busy eating pussy.

I don't give a fuck. Yeah. I'm Woody give a fuck. Yeah. I'm Woody Woodpecker nose deep in this. So here you are. Someone has forced you to read oral history. Can I just offer a quick oral sex tip? A lot of times

you'll hear when performing oral sex on a woman, use your tongue to spell out the alphabet. Have you guys heard this? A, B, C, and so on. Sure, exactly. The English alphabet, I should clarify. Not the Chinese one.

That'll take you all night. Or Spanish with the double L. Sure. And the N-Yay. Although the N-Yay, that could work. Yeah. I say, like Woody Woodpecker, when you're down there, use your tongue to make the MGM logo. N-Yay. Although the N-Yay, that could work. Yeah. I say, like Woody Woodpecker, when you're down there, use your tongue to make the MGM logo.

Oh. So like a... Well, yes, and then make a lion sound. Hopefully you can time it with her blasting for maximum effect. So I spoke out against Space Jam because I don't... Look, fuck Space Jam. That's my position on Space Jam.

Millennial expert. I just don't... It's not... I don't want to hear any more about Space Jam. Just like I don't want to hear any more about Boy Meets World. It's like it's fine that we – I watched Boy Meets World too. It was not very notably good.

It's not like it was shitty. But who cares? We're grownups now. You know? That's my feeling about that. And you would certainly never be nostalgic for your childhood. No, exactly. But what I'm saying is –

Why would one? What I'm saying is there's a difference between being – My childhood and someone else's childhood. Being fond of something. Mine was good. Yours was bad. Something meritorious. Right?

There's some value to something that, look, if somebody wants to come up to me and talk to me about, I don't know, the Muppet movie or something. Like the Muppet movie doesn't mean that much to me personally, but I recently watched the Muppet movie. It's great. It's really fun. I mean, it's for kids, but it's a great thing. I say we celebrate the Muppet movie and remember fondly the Muppet movie. I guess I was under the impression that people were talking about Space Jam because it was bad. That they kind of liked how good it was. Or they liked how bad it was.

It's both at once. Okay. And I also don't like people playing both sides of the fence that way. Sure. It's like people – yeah, I don't like people playing. So anyway, I wasn't saying you can't have fond childhood memories of it or whatever. I think

it just had run its course. We're done with Space Jam, is what I said. I don't remember how we got into this. Move on to Sidekicks, the movie where a child dreams of fighting ninjas with Chuck Norris. The question ultimately was why are people interested in Space Jam?

How did this become the year of Space Jam? Although I guess I could probably answer that myself. I think it's when you see one parody, you think of a parody and then you do it. That's probably as simple as it is. I mean I think the Space Jam website still being up. That's about two or three years ago now that people just talked about that, that that went around. I've seen at least two or three basketball analytics takes on Marvin the Martian's fadeaway. Yeah. There you go.

Nate DiMeo's got the Grantland angle over there. I think just in general, the explosion of Grantland slash, you know, what's our basketball friends with the funny names? You know the guys I'm talking about. Your basketball friends with the funny names? The Harlem Globetrotters? Marvin the Martian? Foghorn Leghorn? Who do you mean?

Those are the only basketball friends I care about. The gentleman who until recently ran that basketball website that had a funny name and they all had funny names i honestly don't know what you're talking about okay i wish i wish i could see it i i read their book and i i loved it um but uh anyway i just i think people are into it because who greenlit this right oh yeah i mean it is yeah it is so crazy if you saw what it describes. Absolutely. And it is, you know, Space Jam, the movie, the minute, I mean, the description itself, like the TV description itself has one laughing once.

Yeah. Yeah. I think. And it included Michael Jordan. Exactly. Coming back from baseball to play basketball. I guess I haven't either. I'm trying to remember if I've actually seen it or if I just kind of know what it's about.

I think the one thing that is really distinctive to me about Space Jam, besides that it has Michael Jordan in it, you're like, why is Michael Jordan in this movie? He's terrible at doing movies. And I Can Dream, I Can Fly, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, I Believe I Can Fly, which is... I mean, that's another thing that I think white people's weird, ironic obsession with R. Kelly has... Dovetailed here....beared its head over the last few years. I Believe I Can Fly weird ironic obsession with R. Kelly has cleared its head over

the last few years. I believe I Can Fly is a terrible fucking song. I say that as a fan of some of R. Kelly's music, although not R. Kelly personally. But I fucking hate that song. But the thing that I think

is the worst transgression of Space Jam is that Looney Tunes is one of the best things. It is so exceptionally good. Like all of those Looney Tunes, the quote unquote classic Looney Tunes and those characters, like if you compare them to what they could be, like as an adult. Absolutely. If you think of what Mickey Mouse is or something. Right. That's a pile of zero.

No. Where I will join you on this train here is that there was that moment in the early 90s in which everything became extremified. And you had these great characters who already had great shtick. And they had to sort of – they had to become edgier. They had to become hipper. They had to connect with the kids. And suddenly, like, even Foghorn Leghorn has his moment on a skateboard. And that is very much at play there on the hard courts of whatever space, basketball court.

I mean generally my feeling is not that people shouldn't have fond memories of things from their childhood even if they're dumb things from their childhood. I just don't want to hear about it that much. You know what I mean? Yes. Sure. Or see it linked to and then not click that link. You don't want to know the link exists.

Right. Exactly. I don't want to know that other people are making money selling that. I don't want to have to scroll past this link quickly with my thumb. Yeah. I don't want to know that other people are making money selling that shirt to people. I don't want to have to scroll past this link quickly with my thumb. Yeah. I don't want to know that that's where success lies. Jesse, have you been reading everything on Twitter? You know you don't have to, right?

You don't have to do it. You know you can mute people now. You can mute them. But I think our lives are connected with trying to amuse people on internet oh that's what you guys have been up to yeah

I definitely know how you feel I think my something that I will watch either kind of have to for work or on purpose is like a YouTube vlogger or sometimes I'll accidentally run up against that and the – What do you mean? You're like in the streets?

Like you'll run into – Yeah. What do you mean? You know, a lot of times I'll be searching for – Like on a Tokyo subway. Right, exactly. Here's an example. I'll be searching for gameplay video of a video game, sometimes for work, sometimes because I just want to watch a particular video game online.

And there's these guys who make these bazillions of dollars playing a video game and just kind of chattering while they do it. And that is a thing. I only know this because I follow Producer Lindsey on Twitter. That's the only reason why I know that thing exists. Yeah, sure. For sure. And yeah, definitely I have a feeling like that. I think that, you know, a proper writer or a proper culture critic probably has looking at BuzzFeed is like looking at that guy jabbering, playing video games and going, oh, my God, he's successful.

I still don't have health care. As somebody who majored in culture studies, I think it's entirely possible to have useful and interesting things to say about something like Space Jam. I just worry that that's not what's happening. Sure. I don't know. Honestly, it's funny. It's interesting that you brought up that people talking over video games thing. Like, I met a guy who makes people talking over video games videos.

And I was just kind of like, huh, what an interesting thing. You know, like, totally didn't bother me at all. Like, maybe it was because I don't watch those or something. But I was like, huh, what a funny thing. But I think just because it didn't feel like it was, uh, taking food off my plate. Sure. I will watch one of those and become so angry.

I will have to lie down in another room. He's not even saying anything funny. And you don't talk while you play. Who talks while they play a video game? This is so artificial. He's just yelling. You don't say shoot, shoot,

shoot when you're shooting. Like I will get so mad. And, yeah, I'll have to like turn off the lights and like lay under the bed. Yeah. I want to make sure to mention something that transpired two minutes ago that I left unsaid because the train was rolling. Sure. We were running a train on a particular topic. running a train on a particular topic. You alluded to the fact that our producer, Lindsay, will often –

she does a thing where she'll play a video game and talk while she's doing it live. That's what I assume, yes. And I think she watches people do it too. Right. But when you mentioned Lindsay doing that, she did a dance. She did. She fully lifted her butt out of her chair.

She didn't stand completely up, but her booty was no longer touching the seat, and then she was doing a fist-pumping, roof-raising dance, because she was so excited about the prospect. The League of Legends would be discussed. I didn't mean to offend. I'm sure your Hearthstone

videos are great. I'm sure you have an impressive deck. And your cards are probably pretty good, too. Am I right, fellas? Lindsay is all about League of Legends, which is a video game that she explained to me. And I think, as I understand it, it's sort of like a halfway between a fighting game and like a Warcraft-type game. and like a Warcraft type game. And I, reading her Twitter feed,

which by the way, exclusively about League of Legends. Exclusively about League of Legends. Sometimes she gets ice cream with her husband. Yeah. They probably talk about League of Legends. She, like the things that she writes in a given tweet have so little meaning to me. Like, I feel like I don't think anyone has felt this way since grandpa's in 1992.

It's like, you know, it's like looking into like an alternate reality. Like, like what? What are these words mean? How are they assembled? I really don't know what the words – I know. It's not just that I'm like rolling my eyes. One thing that needs to be established here for listeners is that Lindsay and her ice cream eating husband. They're attractive, dynamic young people. Sure.

And who anyone would want to sit down and have a beer with. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. However, this League of Legends is baffling to me. Can I – I'll interject with my experience with League of Legends. Yeah. Now, I play a lot of video games. Do you now?

I like them a lot. Sure. I keep up with the biz. I read video game websites every day. Every day. You have a subscription to Nintendo Power. Nintendo Power. He's wearing his power glove right now.

Electronic Gaming Monthly. I hang out at Electronics Boutique. Babbage's. Babbage's, sure. Comp USA. You know, gamer hotspots. Sure. And now I play a lot of video games.

And before I got the job I have now, I was just doing a lot of freelance web writing and some of it was about video games. So I got kind of on a list and I would just get offered for either kind of extended jobs or one-off jobs where a little bit of humor needed to be injected into something about video games. And this was at the height of my watching a guy chatter over video games videos and then getting mad about it. And the League of Legends people got my email through friends of friends. And they're like, hey. The king and queen. The king and queen.

Yeah. And they said, we run a – there's like a competitive video element of this, and we need people to write chatter for the hosts. Wait, a competitive video, like people competing in the video games, or the actual, like people are judging videos about the video games? No, yeah, people playing the game against each other. As predicted by Nostradamus in 1520. Yes.

No, they just needed, like, so people play the game against each other. Sure. South Korean people mostly. And Lindsay. And Lindsay, yeah. Lindsay's South Korean, isn't she? Yeah. She's nodding yes.

And they have like in a sporting event, they have two guys. They have an analyst guy and a color guy and they banter while this is happening. I have never played this game but I'm like, okay, what? How hard can it be? I'll figure it out. Right. So I sat down and just watched some this game, but I'm like, okay, what? How hard can it be? I'll figure it out. So I sat down and just watched some of these videos and I'm like, yep, nonsense. I don't understand.

It's like how I would feel. I feel like that analogy is like, you know, like I like sports and I can follow all of the major American sports reasonably well, like I like sports and I can follow all of the major American sports, you know, reasonably well. And I can even follow relatively minor sports in the United States like a soccer. I know what's going on in a soccer game. Like I don't know the strategies, but I know what's happening.

But if you put me in front of a cricket match, I'm just looking at nonsense. Yeah, that's exactly it. Why do they have those giant legs? That's what I'm thinking to myself. I've done both. I've done that and sat down for a cricket match for Grantland to try to figure out if I can figure out what it was. And it is baffling, but it is not as baffling as League of Legends.

Because, like, is it a league comprised of legends? Like, for instance, like, if... I thought it was a measure of distance, like 20,000 leagues under the sea. That's right. Stack three legends up and you have like a – Yeah. I don't know. A shack.

So who knows? There's champions. When a new champion comes out, that's a big deal. Really? Oh, you mean like – Here's some of the information I've gleaned. John Henry? Who worked on the – Yeah, yeah. It's John Henry the information I've gleaned. Like John Henry, who worked on the BK Railroad?

Yeah, yeah. It's John Henry, Pecos Bill, Babe the Blue Ox. Nice. Like champions of the American folktales. That's good. Br'er Fox, Br'er Rabbit. Woody Woodpecker. I don't love using them.

It's a little racially uncomfortable. But, you know, they're very powerful, good spells, good distance characters. It's best to play with Uncle Remus. It'd be the most racist character possible. So, yeah, it's Legends of the American West, basically. And they're going on various quests. And they have shootouts, right? Yeah, like shootouts.

But a lot of them will just get dysentery. It's like that game. It is not a very fun game. It's like Oregon Trail. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I'm thinking of Oregon Trail. Shit. Oh, this whole time I thought it was like one of those games where you go to the arcade and you pay 50 cents instead of a quarter, but you get a gun and you get to shoot people outside of a saloon.

You're thinking of Virtua Cop. Okay. Or Mad Dog McCree. Mad Dog McCree. Mad Dog McCree. I was thinking of Mad Dog McCree. Area 51. Yeah.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. Hey, MaxFun listeners, I'm Dave Holmes, and if you've ever laughed at the Brits for the way they say schedule, or Americans for the way we keep seeing Jesus in our food, this is the show for you. International Waters, a transatlantic panel game that pits comedians in London and comedians in Los Angeles against each other in a deadly Skype-based pop culture battle royale. Every two weeks, or fortnightly as they say in Britain, like they're better than us.

Find it in iTunes or at MaximumFun.org. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, the voice of the millennial generation. Jordan Morris, girl reporter. Nate DeMeo in the hot seat. Is this the hot seat? They're all pretty hot seats. When you got posteriors like these ones.

Am I right, boys? Yes. Who knew we could lower the level of discourse? Jordan, I want to talk to you about something. Right now, as we record this, you're at Burning Man. Have I got that timeline correct? Yes, and I found a way to transcend time and space. I ate a handful of something given to me by a man with a braided beard.

And now I can simultaneously be on the playa in my chill-out hole and here with you in the studio. Wait, you dug a chill-out hole like a dog that's hot at the dog park? Yeah, I mean that and, you know, I do other stuff in there too. Like Woody Woodpecker, that shit. Exactly, yeah. It shaped like the MGM logo. That's a good thing to swap on the playa. Yeah. Acorns.

Sure, acorns. Or just like some time in my chill-out hole. Right. Like let's say. Get in here with me, guys. Let's say you're a guy. You're at Burning Man. You've got berries.

You've got dried deer meat. Yeah. And you want to make pemmican. You're going to find somebody that's got some acorns. Right. And if you have to trade some magic mushrooms or some shelter or a hand job or whatever it is. Some time in the chill out hole. You're going to do whatever you got to do to close the deal on those acorns so you can make that pemmican. Pemmican for your ramekin.

Thank you. Yeah. So, Jordan, next week on the program, we're going to hear all about Burning Man. Yeah, I mean, the shit I can remember, right? All right. High five, buddy. Man, you should really – I think your farts are too frequent. Oh, yeah.

They're awful. They're painful, too. That's what you don't know. It's like there's bees coming out. You should talk to Dr. Rhinoplasty. To get my fart hole widened. I know you mainly work on voices. It's a veritable League of Legends.

Oh yeah, it's a League of Legends in my pants. Somebody needs to rope the twister in my pants. Good God. Need to make room for a real Babe the Blue Ox. I know, right? Okay. Back on track. I'm a steel driving man.

Back on track. So last we spoke. Casey is at the bat, my friends. So next week we're going to hear about. No joy in Mudville. Okay. Next week we're going to hear about your trip to the playa and your goggles, your army blanket, all that shit. Yeah.

This week, though, I heard that you made what may be an even more thrilling trip. Sure. To Six Flags. Well, actually, they were kind of – the Burning Man and Six Flags are kind of related. Really? First, have you guys been to either Magic Mountain in California or a Six Flags? I have been to

Magic Mountain in California and I feel I've also been to Six Flags Great Adventure in the New Jersey area. I've been to Great America in the San Francisco Bay Area, but I think it was before it was technically a Six Flags.

So I don't know how that falls into your... I'm just kind of curious. I want to know what your guys' frame of reference for it was. No, no, we get it. Where did you grow up? What was your nearest Six Flags? I grew up in Rhode Island falls into your – I'm just kind of curious. I want to know what your guys' frame of reference for it was. Yeah, no, we get it. Where did you grow up?

What was your nearest – I grew up in Rhode Island. My closest, I guess, was Six Flags, whatever I just said. But I mean your whole life was an adventure. Absolutely. Living in Rhode Island. New England. New and improved England.

It was remarkable. Lobster rolls. Lobster rolls, quahogs, sweaters. Oh, it was incredible. The leaves. Mills. That's right. A lot of mills around there. Yep, exactly. A barn. Oh, it's incredible. The leaves. Mills. That's right. A lot of mills around there.

Yep, exactly. A barn. There was one barn. Yeah, we would all drink out behind it. Oh, really? The whole state. That's kind of, the whole state would just cram it behind this one. That's true.

Yeah. And you'd just be like, we have two senators. We have two senators. You were so excited you had the same number of senators as actual states. Exactly. Two senators, one barn. I've seen that web video. It's weird that the senators eat poop.

So you went to – So, yeah. So I was kind of like frantically looking around for other people that were going to Burning Man because I'm kind of going by myself and I was starting to become afraid that I would not be able to handle myself. Did we already establish whether like – whether any of our like Jordan and Jesse Goh pals are going? Don't we know anyone that goes? There must be someone that goes to Burning Man. I'm sure Jenny goes. Did you ask her?

No, I haven't asked her. I should. You should check with her. She seems like she'd go. Well, here's who I... Here's what I found out. Our buddy who's been on this show a couple of times, Andy Wood, is going this year.

He has never gone before, so it's his first time going. So I gave Wood an email saying, hey, I'm going to go back by the Army Surplus store. Do you want to come with? He said, yeah, I do want to come with, but also before we go, do you want to go to Six Flags? I guess he kind of on an impulse bought a season pass and you get all these bring a friend passes that were about to expire. So he's like, do you want to go and just like ride four rides and then go to the Army SharePoint store?

I said, yes, I would like to do that. And he's, yeah, he's kind of a cool, it was kind of a cool thing because he's always one of those guys that I like I see around and I always like talking to him. He seems like a guy who's up for an adventure. He's totally up for an adventure. He runs triathlons. So, yeah. So I'm like, oh, what a fun way to like casually hang out with this guy that I've liked hanging around in the past. So, yeah.

Take your relationship to the next level. Yeah. By going to Six Flags together. Right. And then Burning Man. Yeah. And then finger blasting each other on the log. Adult friendship turns out to be exactly the same as romance when you're a junior in high school.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, we held hands. It was a big deal. And then we went down to the chill-out hole. Sure. Yeah, so we went to Six Flags. I had gone there as a kid to Six Flags Magic Mountain, and, you know, it has the reputation of having the, like, this is where, like, if you like roller coasters, this is where you go. These aren't – this ain't the teacups.

This ain't – it's a small world. This is for thrill juggies. Right. This is Tomas Mann's Six Flags Match Mountain. Yes, exactly. So I had been to – again, I was kind of like, oh, yeah, this was like – the rides were really scary. And yeah, and – but I have not been in a long time. And I have – but the amusement parks I have been to like I've been to Disneyland a couple of times in the past couple of years.

I've been to Universal Studios. And so I'm like, OK, well, I've – you know. You feel like you can handle this. Yeah, I can go to an amusement park. Sure. The rides at Six Flags, the new rides, are so fucking terrifying. Six Flag, the new rides are so fucking terrifying. Like I realized that every time I've been on a roller coaster in my recent life, I've been like faking it.

I've been like mustering up fear and enthusiasm where there was none. Like it was like if I was riding the Matterhorn or something. Right. I'd be like, oh, whoa. I'm going to scream. Look at me. Whoa. Whoa. But on these fucking six flag rides.

I feel like I was on the ride with him. I was shrieking in terror and like swearing, like just going, fuck, fuck. Like, I mean, if there were kids around, I was just screaming cunt next to a kid because I was so scared on these six flag rides. Yeah, where did we ride? We rode something called – oh, boy. It's got a super generic name. It's something like Terminal Velocity or something like that. The weird part about this ride is that before you go in, they – like in line, they play just this inspirational montage of heroes.

There's like a League of Legends. Yeah, exactly. But this is like showing firemen and like, you know, military. Well, yeah, but like people to look up to. Real heroes, okay. So, yeah, somehow equating this roller coaster trip you're about to take with like being a better person or like, I guess it's like grabbing life by the balls. Well, the thing is, it's like if you're Universal Studios, you have all these universal properties

that you have access to. Sure, exactly. Waterworld, for instance. If you're Disneyland, you you have all these universal properties that you have access to. Water World, for instance. If you're Disneyland, you can make everything goofy. Absolutely. From Spider-Man to Star Wars, the whole thing. Whereas if you're Six Flags, what do you got? Well, I don't know, Great America when I was a kid.

They had a part where people walked around dressed as people from Star Trek The Next Generation. I remember that. Yeah. You know, so you're really, you're digging through the bottom of the barrel. Right. If you get an action Jackson themed ride, you should be grateful. Well, something that Six Flags has is they have DC superheroes. So there's a couple, there's a Green Lantern ride, which is fucking terrifying.

Sure. But not as bad as watching the Green Lantern movie, am I right? Hey, here's to you, sir. And there's a Lex Luthor ride. It's called Lex Luthor's Drop of Doom. And it's just one of these where you sit in a thing and it goes up really high and then just drops. What does that have to do with Lex Luthor? You know what?

More than you might think. Do tell. Yeah. Well, the line what? More than you might think. Okay. Do tell. Yeah. Well, the line is you going through LexCorp. Oh, good. And the back story is you're helping Lex Luthor test a new something. A new carnival ride? A new carnival ride.

So you are – you are already – by being in this line, you are already made complicit in the crimes. Yes, exactly. One of the greatest villains of all time yeah exactly is there also a pole pot theme yes uh-huh it just has a big sign at the beginning welcome to the command and then you're just on a swing for some reason it's hard to say how it's uh hard to say how it fits uh so the lex luther ride is attached to a previously established superman ride so the superman ride is attached to a previously established Superman ride. So the Superman ride is this kind of cart and it's like on an incline and it goes up very high and then kind of swoops down this incline.

The Lex Luthor ride is kind of soldered onto the side of the Superman ride and it goes – none of this sounds safe, right? And the Superman – so you go up in this seat and you reach the top and then Lex Luthor's voice comes on. As portrayed by whom? Yeah, I don't know. I guess I just assumed it was him. Gene Hackman? Gene Hackman, yeah. Kevin Spacey, everybody's favorite Lex Luthor.

You got to figure it's probably just Patrick Warburton, right? It's usually just Patrick. It's me, Lex Luthor. It's Superman. Hey, I'm evil. I'm evil. And Lex Luthor says like's Superman. Hey, I'm evil. I'm evil. And Lex Luthor says like – Hey, get a load of my ball tank.

Lex Luthor says something at the top. It just booms out. He's like, you know, you have now reached the height of your pathetic life and then it drops. Really? So, you know, this could be called anything. This could be called the dropper. Right. As it usually is, the free fall.

Sure. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. But I guess here's the metaphor is that what's the central conflict of Lex Luthor is that he's jealous of Superman and he's built this empire because he knows he can never be as great as Superman. Sure. And he's always – he's grasping for a brass ring that he can never reach. It being soldered onto the side of the Superman ride, he's trying to get as high as the Superman ride but can't quite do it. Wait.

So it's just a shittier version of the Superman ride? Yes, exactly. Yes, it's a shittier version of the Superman ride. The line's shorter. The line is shorter. Yeah, exactly. So anyway. Wow.

That doesn't sound super fun. Did you get ill? No, I did not get ill. You eat any corn dogs? I got a frozen lemonade. Soft frozen lemonade was very good. That does sound good. I get ill on everything.

I am feeling a little queasy right now. I might as well be. Just hearing about a ride? Yeah. You know, some of it is like, you know, uh this sort of like vision thing that i have going on and i think also supposedly as you become an older man uh in particular the there's like the lining in your like ears starts to like dissipate there's something in that that like messes with your balance so i'm i'm impressed that yeah a man here over, 25, yes, 32, could hang with that because I literally can't even, like I step near there, I start to pass out.

Yeah, I mean I went on the roller coaster one time in Santa Cruz and I was like, this is the most terrifying thing I've ever done in my entire life. I only did it because there was this beautiful exchange student that I was there talking to. And then somebody said to me, like, it's only scary the first time. So I'm like, fuck it. I'm going to go on this fucker again as long as there's this beautiful exchange student here. Sure. I'm going to do this. As long as you can have a safety bar.

Crush your boater. I think I hated it more the second time than I did the first time. And then I'm like, from here on out, it's bumper cars for me. And it's only gotten worse. Like when I was a teenager, they invented Indiana Jones at Disneyland. And I went on Indiana Jones and it was fine. It was no big deal. And then recently I went on Indiana Jones maybe three years ago or something like that.

And I was like, oh, it turns out I hate that. Yeah, I'm out completely. I'm done. I'm out of the game. You're not riding anything. I'm hanging up my cleats. Sure. You're supposed to wear cleats, right?

I mean, you can. You got to dig in. But what was the end of the date? The end was us going to the Army surplus store. Nice. Yeah. One funny thing happened at the Army surplus store. Was going to the army surplus store.

Nice. Yeah. One funny thing happened at the army surplus store. So it's being run by a very traditional army surplus store employee. Sure. So a wild eyed and one armed. Yeah. Like purple people either.

Just kind of this wild eyed guy. Just fucking just horrible. Open herpes sores. You know, like balding in the craziest way possible. Like patchy. It's like, oh, this is – a drug did this to you somehow. Like this isn't natural. It's just like crazy and sticking up.

And I was asking him about the headlamps. I guess for Burning Man, you need a headlamp so you don't get run over by an art car at night. Killed by a Volkswagen bug covered in Happy Meal toys. What a way to go. So I'm asking him about these headlamps and he's like – he's taking me through the head. He's like, OK. This one has 35 brightness units. This is made in America.

This one has 40 brightness units made in China. Like telling me where they're all made like as if I'm a guy who has opinions about that like he clearly does. He's just kind of taking me through these things and this one is made here. He would take it out of the package and he's like, this has got a clasp here and this won't fasten. So this is bullshit right here. And then this very faint music is playing and something starts and it's something from Monty Python live at the Hollywood Bowl. I think it's them singing. It's something.

It might be Look on the Bright Side of Life or something like that. And he stops and he takes – he listens and he's like, well, that's what you get when you set your Pandora station to Weird Al. Everybody loves Weird Al. That's the best tip he could have given you Oh cool I will put Weird Al in the Pandora You never know what you're going to get Anyway So you feel you're totally outfitted

You have your headlamp You have some sort of shovel To dig your hole Spade maybe A shovel or a spade Let's get David Reese on the line You have some sort of shovel to dig your hole. Yeah. Spade, maybe? Spade? A shovel or a spade? A pickaxe? Let's get David Reese on the line.

I got both. We'll bathe the blocks. Yeah, yeah. Yolk with. No, it's nice. I actually have had some more success with finding a place to stay. So I think I'm feeling good about it. What are you looking at?

A yurt? I think it's a dome. They said you can stay with us. We have a sleeping dome. They said, you can stay with us. We have a sleeping dome. You know that's just a thing that they put over your head that goes down on your shoulders and then gas. Yeah, exactly.

So who are these people? I don't know. Should I say the name of their thing? You can just tell me who they are. You can say they're just random people that emailed you. Oh, yeah. Random people. Yeah. Their name of their thing is very funny, and I kind just tell me who they are. You can say who they are. You can say they're just random people that emailed you. Oh, yeah, random people. But how do you connect? Their name of their thing is very funny, and I kind of want to say it, but I also maybe don't know if you're supposed to say. I don't know the rules of these things. No, these are just some nice listeners I've met once or twice who live in the Pacific Northwest.

Excellent. Look at this. Delightful folks. I like it. I'm excited about this, Jordan. I'm so excited that we're going to Burning Man. Yeah. It's going to be a lot of fun. Do I need to get anything?

No, you're fine. Just bring whatever. That's what they say. You have a nice duffel bag, right? I got MREs. That's meals ready to eat. Meals ready to eat. I got those tablets you put in your pee and then you can drink it. I think that's how those tablets work.

Those are a scam. You can just drink pee. Okay. Thank you. That's right. And I got a handgun. Perfect. Yeah. For murders.

Well, once things get dark, there's very few lights out on the playa. You got to fire just for light. Just the light that a handgun gets off. The muzzle. Yeah. The muzzle flash. The flash. The Berettas.

Can I? What's going on? I dropped my goddamn wallet again. I will say this. I will say this. I don't know if this is revealing too much. And if it is, I apologize to these nice, nice people. But I was – they sent me a Google Doc that they had going of like who's bringing what.

And I'm kind of going – so they have an item and then you can, you know, go down and find your name and check if you're bringing it. And so, you know, it was like very practical stuff. It was like, you know, it was like blankets, water, camping equipment, TARDIS. Water. Camping equipment. TARDIS. Maybe that's the sleeping dome. Maybe.

That would be great. It's true. Sleeping a real TARDIS. I know. You'd want the TARDIS to be horizontal, though. That's true. Because the real question is how many Burning Man attendees can you get into a TARDIS? That's like an old 1920s college prank.

Okay. Yeah, go ahead. Are we running over time? No, we're fine. I noticed Six Flags has a water park attached to it. They do. Six Flags Hurricane Harbor. Hurricane Harbor. It's like being in a harbor in a hurricane.

Yeah, during a hurricane, which is hilarious. Everyone wants. They're just like boats smashing up against you. It's in California where we have no problem with hurricanes. Other places are like, oh, yeah, that ruins our city when that happens. Have fucking fun on the bonsai pipeline, assholes. Thanks for killing my grandpa, jerk. That's right.

We will just take the water from the strawberry field and put it into Hurricane Harbor. Enjoy your churro on the lazy river. But it looked really fun, Hurricane Harbor. You know, bad taste about the name aside. Can a grown man without children go to a water park? Is that too weird? Thoughts? Absolutely not if you're with someone else.

Yeah. No, I feel like you could do it. I do feel like A, back should be shaved. And B, I think you have to go with another... multiple people. Because then when you have two guys, that's even creepier than one guy in a way.

Is two creepier than one? I don't know. It depends who the other guy is. Because it's like you teamed up to be creepy. The other guy is Steve Buscemi. The other guy is Steve Buscemi. It has that who's the wingman sort of implicit question. So I need at least three guys? I would say three guys. Steve Buscemi would be one.

And a knife. Three men and a knife. And a little lady. And x-ray specs. Yeah, yeah. I mean, do you have enough shark tooth necklaces for all the people that you want to come? Oh, yeah. It just depends.

Do you want Mako or Hammerhead what tooth you want because the last time we did the last time we went to the water park you came with an actual hammerhead shark's head on top of your head well i just wanted people to know that i had slain it okay and that And that I now possess its power. The lazy river was now free from hammerheads. Yeah. What if there's just one shark? One shark and a third new promotion. There's one shark on one of the rides. That's right. One day a year.

Could be today. We let him kill one guy and then we take him out. That's right. Is it going to be you? Run the head up Luther. No. Okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Everybody already knows about my brother and my brother and me and advice show for theular Era every Monday on the Maximum Fun Network.

So we're trying to up our profile with a summer concert series to reinvigorate interest. First up, a Journey cover band. You booked Destination? I did. I booked Destination for $80. Don't miss the headliner. An indignant Rusta Root that refuses to play Sammy on my way. Also, Shakira.

And so much more every Monday. Also, we'll do the advice and stuff, the old classics. But then stick around for Gordon Lightfoot as he sends you away to Psalm Story Paradise. I'll see you next time. Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Nate DeMeo in for Eric Holder. Here for Holder. I think his secretary says hold for Holder. Laughs every time.

Yeah. That's like her, that's her private pleasure. That's right. That and the vibrator she keeps in her desk. Those two things are his secretary's private pleasure. Look, momentous things happen across our country. Sure. And indeed across our world every single day.

That's true. Every hour, perhaps even every minute. Many of them happen to you, the Jordan Jesse Go listener. When they happen, you call us at our telephone number, 206-984-4FUN, and share them with us. Then we replay them to you in a segment called Momentous Occasions. Let's hear our first call for this week. Let's hear our first call for this week. It had balls. That was pretty cool. And it was just hanging out in the middle of the street, and cars were trying not to hit it. That's my moment of occasion. Do you think it's possible it was trying to cross the street, Frogger style? Yeah, it could be. It just got over on the back of a helpful turtle.

There is something... There's something funny about... And there's something funny about the exaggerated oversized dildo, especially if it's a little wobbly, if it's a wobbly style. Sure. There's something funny about it being like a penis but not being a penis. Mm-hmm. It's just about it being like a penis but not being a penis. Mm-hmm. Like it's just about the medium-sized, small to medium-sized disconnect between penis and dildo that's funny.

Especially when you see them in the wild. In their natural habitat. Just out doing their thing. Yeah. It's fun. Yeah. I like the balls. That's nice.

It is. Well, it's a nice touch. It shows that someone put some effort into this thing. It's a dildo craftsman. This isn't a – This isn't a mass-produced – Cheap cash-for-app. Corporate dildo made by GE. Probably made by some Chinese people.

Yeah. Thank you. China. Thank you. I only use domestic dildonics. Finally. Thank you. Thank you.

Finally. U-S-A-U-S-A-D-I-L-D-O. Yeah, I guess I'm imagining the scenario where the dildo gets in the middle of the street and I'm thinking about – Sure. I mean that's what happens anytime you run into any sort of like sex accoutrement out there in the world. Like the used condom, the condom box that ends up like on your front lawn somehow. Sure. Yeah, yeah.

And you're like, what went down here? Was this just simply thrown from the open roof of a Bugatti? Or was this? Most likely a Bugatti. Exactly. Seems almost certain. Or from the back of a Ducati. Back from a Ducati.

Were it Bugatti or Ducati? Exactly. of a Ducati. Were it Bucati or Ducati? But ne'er the twain shall meet. Robert Frost. But that is the thing. Like immediately you see one of those things and there are stories in all of these things. I guess I'm imagining that scenario where, you know, the angry girlfriend kind of throws all the cheating boyfriend stuff out on the lot. Like his dildo. Like his dildo.

His oversized. Take your shirts. Take your record collection that you won't shut up about. That's right. Your old blue hoodie. Take your dildo. Yeah. This big purple wobbly thing.

Your veiny dildo. Get out. Go. With which you were cheating on me. Yeah. get out go with which you were cheating on me yeah i do find myself a soiled condom does really tell a story you because immediately what what i don't know what i find myself thinking is not like two people were fucking in a car here right but just where the soiled condom sits two people were fucking right there.

Just standing over that spot. You don't think it was tossed from the open roof of a Bugatti? I don't ever imagine it being tossed. Or like falling out of a garbage bag or something. I just picture wherever I spot a soiled condom, and there's no shortage of them where I live because I happen to live in on a very quiet street on the side of a mountain. Right. The soiled Condom District. Exactly. Well, in the Teenage Pop District.

Often those two go hand in hand. And I think I see it on the ground and I imagine it shoots up like, you know, in Star Wars when she, when, what's her name is saying, help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. What is her name? What is her name? What is the name of that iconic character? Uhura? I think perhaps.

But when, you know, she shoots out of a thing, it's like a donut, like a donut machine on the ground. It's a donut machine on the ground. Coming out of R2-D2? Oh, it is out of R2. It's like a donut machine on the ground. It's a donut machine on the ground. Coming out of R2-D2? Oh, it is out of R2-D2. I was thinking that it was like a round thing that sat on the ground. Which I guess also sort of describes R2-D2, so this isn't helping. The D is for donut machine.

But I was imagining something that looked... But you know what I mean. Like a projecting up. Like a beam of light through the night. Like after September 11th when they shot the lights up from the – That's how I imagine the people fucking is like a hologram coming out of the soiled condom into the air. Lighting up the night sky. Right.

Yeah. In the imaginations of children. Exactly. Passers-by. Or the ramparts we watched. I can't remember what day it was that I figured out what a soiled condom was, but it must have been a sad day given the contents of the ground in my neighborhood growing up. But there is also the question because, you know, I'm not super squeamish, but that's fucking gross. It's so gross.

And it's technically like a biohazard. Sure. And there isn't – you can't just call 311 and have like the city come by and pick it up in the same way that you could were it a decapitated like pigeon or something like that. I guess soiled condoms for me most often creep into my life when I'm like in a park, in the park. Griffith Park has a lot of soiled condo action. I thought you just meant like when you're in a park fucking. Yeah, exactly. When I'm cruising.

I'm like, oh, somebody's already been fucking here. Oh, what is cryptic? Can we move on just a little bit? I don't want to be in some other dude's territory. But yeah, I mean, I also like, I'm like, oh, that's gross. Like, you know, I'm trying to enjoy some fucking nature here. Right. But, you know, I'm like, you know what?

This is part of a rich history, a rich cruise in history. It's true. No, believe me, you know, the more the merrier. But that said, I also,

you know what I think about? The dolphins. Yeah. Because no one's picking that shit up. Thank you. And then it is going right into the ocean. Thank you, finally.

And next thing you know. Yeah. The dolphins are, they're not procreating. It's like a dolphin tail two. The dolphins aren't procreating. Instead of like a dolphin tail, too. The dolphins aren't procreating. Instead of a robot tail, a dolphin just has to get a soiled condom removed from its little hole. A condom has a prosthetic tail.

Yeah. Poor winter. That's my biggest concern is a decline in population caused by soiled condoms lodging themselves on dolphin dorks. It's true. Let's take our next call. It's a concern. Hey, Jordan and Jesse. That's true. Let's take our next call. It's a concern. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, esteemed guests. So I have a momentous occasion in honor of Anna August.

This last weekend, I let my girlfriend peg me for the first time, and it was pretty awesome. So I recommend if you do that, give it a try if you've ever been thinking about it. Drink lots of vodka. That helped. And the best part of all, she let me've ever been thinking about it. Drink lots of vodka. That helped. And the best part of all, she let me return the favor. So it's pretty awesome all around. Hashtag game on August.

Have a good one, guys. Bye. Pegging, per our close personal friend, Mr. Daniel Savage, is a straight dude taking it in the butt from a strap-on on his girlfriend. Sure. Now, when he says, I returned the favor, did he strap on the dildo? I would like to think so. I would put on a strap-on dildo, yeah. That's true.

Did he call from Denver? Yeah. Okay, good. Time is a flat circle. Where's that strap-on? Time is a flat circle. Yep. Congratulations. Yep. Congratulations.

Yeah. You know what I like to think? I like to think that here at Jordan and Jesse Go, we're about – look, we're about a lot of things. Sure. For instance? Reaching for the stars. Oh, nice. Ever skyward.

Dreaming one can fly. We're about various characteristics you can have. The wings of the eagle and the shit. What's our slogan? The stick of the ask. Yeah. But I think more than anything else, we're about stimulating the prostate. Yeah.

I mean, that, at the end of the day, when all is said and done, when the last dot is on the last sentence in our story, I hope that it will say, they helped America stimulate the prostate. But it will say they helped America stimulate the prostate. And I like to think that like this guy, you know, maybe if he and his girlfriend had never heard the show, maybe they still would have, you know, pegged. Sure. But more likely – Sounds unlikely. This guy hashtagged something referenced in a previous program. Yeah.

It's Analogous, by the way, Nate. It's our most sacred of holidays. It's our Ramadan. It's Analogous, by the way, Nate. It's our most sacred of holidays. It's our Ramadan. Have you been fasting for Analogous? Yes, yes, I have.

Yeah, but I like to think that just because of the example that we set and the kind of values that we like to exude that maybe this is something that would have remained a dream they would have taken to the grave. Right. Because of these guys and their great podcast. Right. And our sex positive attitude. Sure. And our butt positive attitude. Let's be honest.

We're about two things, sex and butt. That's fun. Good for you, sir. Way to go, guys. And good for your lady. I hope she, sir. Way to go, guys. And good for your lady. I hope she enjoyed her participation in both activities as well. Please find a proper receptacle if anything needs to be disposed of afterwards. Yeah, don't just hurl whatever you used into the street. Or dolphins out there.

Or drop it off in a public park. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. park we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorne america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective nate de mayo in for taylor swift you would probably know me as the crimson comet yeah that's true fastest man alive the fastest man alive this the sexiest suit alive got this sexy outfit you can check out my uh musculature there was a kid uh wearing just a little tiny kid like maybe a five-year-old kid uh wearing a full spider-man suit including spider-man mask uh sitting across from me at lunch today but i didn't notice until i stood, and then there was just this tiny fucking Spider-Man there.

Like, the Spider-Man mask technology has gone way too far. Yeah. That's my feeling about children's Spider-Man mask technology. So there were no slits? Like, he was actually just, like, looking through some sort of screen? He just looked, like, through some kind of screen. It just looked like Spider-Man. It was really upsetting. I hated it.

Aw. I like little kids wearing Halloween costumes inside the house. Yeah, I don't have any problem with children having costumes. I think that's the cutest thing in the world. I'm not opposed to them wearing their things. It just freaked me out because it looked like the real Spider-Man but tiny. No, Spider-Man's here to help you. You shouldn't be afraid of Spider-Man.

Jesse, if you're in trouble, find Spider-Man. Find a policeman. Find a teacher. Find a teacher. Find Spidey. Now, that does not work in Hollywood. You may think that he's a man. I think he's a menace. Oh, you've been reading too much Daily Bugle.

Well, of course I read the Daily Bugle. It's the only newspaper worth reading. It titillates me. It's true. I love the photography of Spider-Man. Yeah, how does he get those shots? He's great shots. It's that ace photographer, Peter Parker. He love the photography of Spider-Man. Yeah. How does he get those shots? He's great shots. How does he get those shots?

It's that ace photographer, Peter Parker. He's a hell of a photographer. I don't understand why he hasn't won a Pulitzer. You know, I'm bothered by the paywall. Yeah. They put up that paywall, that arrogant executive editor. Exactly. J. Jonah Jameson.

I just want to read if the scorpion got him this time. It's been a great time to talk to you guys on Jordan, Jesse, Go! this week. Our guest has been the great Nate DiMeo. Thanks for having me, guys. This is fun. It's been great, Nathaniel. Always a pleasure. Nate, of course, is the host of the podcast that honestly couldn't have a more different tone than this program.

A show diametrically opposed in values. It's true. In execution. In every way. It's true. In aesthetic. Yep. Morally.

The only thing I can tell you is that both of our shows, both Jordan and Jesse Goh and Nate's program, The Memory Palace. Are MP3s. Yeah. Are available in MP3 format. A Fraunhofer. Sure. The Fraunhofer Codec.

We're both using the same codec. A roughly monthly story told by Nate through Nate's gift at storytelling and writing and narration from history that is way better than that description sounds. It's a beautiful, moving, often very funny, elegiac program that is MaximumFun.org's most popular show. A lot of people are very surprised to hear that, but it's the truth. I mean, especially after they hear it. Really, that one? Wait a second. Hold on.

Bring back the Woody Woodpecker guy. Nate, it was a pleasure to have you. People yelling at their iPods like they were like variety shows. Bring back the dancing girls. That's right. You really are the Eric Holder. Thank you. Of history. People in this room.

of history. People in this room. Lindsay Pavlis on the board this week. Brian Fernandez in London, England. He's coming back soon. We're going to get Sonny D back, Jordan. It's going to be amazing when he's back. But then who will we make fun of

for liking League of Legends? Well, we weren't making fun of him. No, we weren't making fun of it. No, no, we weren't making fun of it. We weren't fascinated by it. We were just saying it's dense. It's a dense world. The most interesting thing to me about League of Legends and Lindsay's posts about League of Legends

is the extent to which I have never so felt baffled by a technology thing. When I see Lindsay's posts and when I see phrases spoken in this very room of people who make videos of the videos of people playing League of Legends and commenting on them, I can only think of a time-traveling Alexander Hamilton coming forward and wondering what has come of this country. Let's be honest. Too much credit has been given to Lapthreeper, one of the Reddit men in charge of our Reddit board, which is at reddit.com slash r slash maximum fun. Lapthreeper has gotten fat and lazy. He's basking in his glory.

He probably masturbates looking at pictures of himself at this point. Lathreeper has gotten fat and lazy. He's basking in his glory. He probably masturbates looking at pictures of himself at this point. I can't say that for sure. But that's my assumption about Lathreeper. So this week, instead of thanking him, I'm going to thank the other moderators of the Maximum Fun Reddit, Doos, D-U-U-S, and Seraptity. So thanks to Seraptity and Doos from the bottom of my heart. Jesse Thorne. That's my Reddit name, Jesse Thorne.

I picked a simple one. Seraptity. So, in summary, thank you, Doos and Seraptity. Lapthreeper masturbates looking at pictures of himself. Reddit.com slash r slash Maximum Fun. And forum.com. Forum.maximumfun.org is another great place to discuss it. Lots of great discussions going on there.

And on the Jordan Jesse Go Facebook page. All sorts of fun places. So many discussions. You can chat about stuff in all these different places. It's fun. You write a slash. You write another letter. Eventually you will come on a place where you can talk about Maximum Fun. How about this?

I'd like to see people writing more slashes. You're talking about gay fiction. Yeah. Did you go slash fishing? Absolutely. I'd like to see more of that. Sure. That's fun.

Nobody's ever written that before. We're the Kirk and Spock of podcasting. We are the Kirk and Spock of podcasting. I'm cold and rational. Mm-hmm. You're a hot-headed. Yeah. I'm a hot-headed ladies' man.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. What Star Trek guy do you want to be, Nate? Well, who is the woman that came out of R2-D2? Right. Yes. No, she came out of some kind of... Don't make her.

I still don't know what you were thinking about. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design, and Light in the Attic Records. Our thanks to them. Seriously, have you got $10 burning hole in your pocket? Get it. Get that record because... Get that Best of the Free Design Kites Are Fun record because it's a really beautiful record. And bizarre in the best way.

Yeah. See my kite? It's green and white. Yeah. Dancing in the distant light, I believe. Something like that. Something like that. It's a beautiful – it's a wonderful thing.

I really love that stuff. And we'll talk to you next time right here on – what is this? Princess Leia? Princess Leia's donut hologram maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported