Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 344: Drinkin Void with Hari Kondabolu

Episode Date: September 29, 2014

Comedian Hari Kondabolu joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of 90's alternative rock bands, racism in Scooby Doo, and capybara videos.  

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Tip of the cap to the listeners of Jordan Jesse Goh for sending me video footage shot from a GoPro strapped to a falcon attacking a crow. And when I say Jordan Jesse Go fans, I mean literally every listener of this program sent me a video of a falcon attacking a crow.

Were people kind of suspicious that you might have been behind that video? Or maybe you're capturing falcons, training them to attack crows. You know, I only recently. Attaching GoPros so you can taunt the crows online later. I took up falconry six, nine months ago. I have not gotten to that point yet. I mean, that's obviously... Where would you say you're at?

What can the falcon do? I mean, he won't kill in your name. Well, obviously, loop-de-loop. Sure. That's a great one. That's a fun one. That's a main thing. I mean, you get a book on falconry and you read it, and I've read them all.

Yeah. All three. You know, the first chapter is going to be you and your falcon. It's just about different way, you know, grubs and different stuff you can do with your falcon for fun. The second one is going to be loop-de-loop. Yeah. All loop-de-loop. Yeah.

They pronounce it loop-de-loop. Oh, interesting. In the falconry community? In falconry, it's be loop-de-loop. Yeah, all loop-de-loop. Yeah. They pronounce it loop-de-loop. Oh, interesting. In the falconry community? In falconry, it's called loop-de-loop. How are you finding hanging out with other falconers? Like I imagine there's – you guys all get together at the park or under a gazebo? No, falconry is a solitary pursuit. Oh, it's for like – it's for men who are islands.

Yeah, exactly. People who stand tall and strong like an island in the force of the mighty river, um, with a Falcon on one arm and a Falcon on the other arm, that's called double falconing. Sure. Um, you know, taking out pigeons, doing loop the loops, uh, feeding grubs. Hmm. You, the key is to eat a little bit of grub yourself.

Okay. So they trust you. Yeah. They're like, oh, this guy's, this guy's into some cool shit. Oh, you like grubs. Hmm. The key is to eat a little bit of grub yourself. Okay. So they trust you. Yeah. They're like, oh, this guy's into some cool shit. Oh, you like grubs? I like grubs. It's like if there's a new guy there and you offer him a toke on your J. Sure.

And then you know he's not a cop. Yeah. You know, the falcon won't trust you until you've eaten a little bit of grub. Yeah. Until you've killed the crow in front of it. Yeah. It's like a Donnie Brasco situation. Exactly.

And so anyway, I just wanted to be – I just wanted to express my gratitude to all the people. It's nice to get a new thing in my email inbox and in my Twitter mentions besides just pictures and videos of donks. If I could ask something. Sure. I'd love to get more capybara videos. What do cap... Okay, now I'm familiar... I can picture a capybara in my head.

It's the world's largest rodent. Yeah. I've seen them at the zoo. Sure. Who hasn't? Yeah. I, um... Only a real asshole.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, let's skip the capybaras. I'll be in the reptile house, thank you very much. I'm an asshole. Yeah, exactly. Let's skip the capybaras. I'll be in the reptile house, thank you very much. I'm an asshole. Yeah, exactly. That is a really good impression. As an asshole, I'm more interested in the reptile house. You're like the

Rich Little of doing impressions of assholes. Anyway, after the zoo, I'm going to buy swords online because I collect them. What's good is you have the voice down perfectly. For the listener at home, I'm going to buy swords online because I collect them. Yeah. What's good is you have the voice down like perfectly. For the listener at home, I turned around and must my hair before I did that too. You have the voice down perfectly, but you also – it's the insight. You know what I mean?

It's like it's incisive. Sure. Ultimately, that's what makes an impression is is it insightful and you get it. I mean I think we've all seen those impressionists who are good with the voices. But it's just like I wonder what our favorite stars would be like, you know, waiting tables. And it's just like what would Christopher Walken sound, you know, like reading the soups or something. Right. We've got a lentil, you know.

Right. And I'm great at that. Sure. I mean. We've got a lentil, he'll say. Now that What's-His-Name is announcing for Saturday Night Live. Oh, yeah, Daryl Hammond. He's off the crack rock.

Which is a thing that Daryl Hammond was doing while he was working at Saturday Night Live. But, yeah, you can do that. But if there's a little bit of writing behind it, a little bit of, as you said, insight, it makes the impression that much more robust. And I think that's what my asshole at the zoo impression has in spades. If I can pat myself on the back for something. Oh, please do. Thank I think that's what my asshole at the zoo impression has in spades. Yeah. If I can pat myself on the back for something. Oh, please do. Thank you.

You know what? Already did. I feel like you don't pat yourself on the back enough. Yeah. Number one, you did a great job of that. Thank you. Number two, you did a great job of supporting my falconry run. Uh-huh.

Which had no content at all. Let's be honest. Yeah. which had no content at all. Let's be honest. And number three, you were kind enough to ask that we delve deeper into capybaras, and I'm excited to do that in just a second. I have a question about capybaras in videos.

Is it time to introduce the guests? Let's introduce our guests because who knows, this guy might be Jack Hanna. If Jack Hanna specifically focused on capybaras and also knew something about animals. Do you know those, when they do those zoo, sorry, introduce them and I'll say a thing I know about zoo segments. Okay. Speaking of insightful comedians, our guest is a brilliant stand-up comic. He's here in Los Angeles headlining the Troubadour. Very hip room here in L.A.

Headed over to the UCLA Law School. Give those kids one or two things, one or two pieces of his mind. Mr. Hari Kondabolu. Hello, everyone. Hello. Hi. Hello, friend. How are you?

I'm good. The only thing that I kept repeating in my head is, do they have falcons in Atlanta other than the football team? Over and over. Why did they pick the Falcons? What if you trained a member of the Falcons football team to hunt crows for you? Put a GoPro on his head. You know, look at some compelling video out of that. You got Deion Sanders out there.

Legendary Atlanta Falcons, Deion Sanders. That's a real special team. So, Ari, what do you know about capybaras? We're talking about capybaras here. I don't know if you were paying any attention. I was enough. I've never heard of that animal. But from your description, it's a giant rodent. I would have gone to the reptile section as well.

It looks like a capybara is like a pig if a pig was a guinea pig. Does that make sense? It's about the size of a little like a pot-bellied pig or something. Oh, man. You said it was like a rat, though. No, because he's more squat. He doesn't have a long tail. He doesn't have a long tail.

Yeah. Yeah, he doesn't have a long snout either. He's got a big nose. Does he have any characters? He doesn't have sharp, scary – Like is there a famous cartoon Capybara? I don't know. No, I don't believe so.

Really? Nowhere? No countries. No countries at all. Not that I'm aware of. No cultures have a cartoon version of that dude. You know, I do think Denmark has Clarence the Capybara. I just want to know if he's –

He's very sexually open. Is he underground or has he been mainstreamed yet? A capybara is not a scary-looking animal. Okay. Because I know when you say rodent, you're imagining pokey rat teeth. Oh, yeah. I'm imagining home. I'm imagining New York.

That's immediately – I was like, this is horrible. Is that a giant rat? But no. No, that's not'm imagining home. I'm imagining New York. That's immediately, I was like, this is horrible. He's a giant rat. But no, no, that's not what it is. He does have very strong opinions on what tap water does to the taste of a bagel. He is like a New Yorker in that way. Good, good. It's got a fat square tooth that sticks out in the front like a cartoon rabbit. I mean, it could bite the shit out of you. Oh, I bet it could bite the shit out of you. Oh, I bet it

could bite the shit out of you. But you have to imagine... It doesn't look like it wants to. Don't think fangs. Think, like, if this makes any sense, like a racist caricature of Tojo. Like kind of funny, cute front teeth.

So it's kind of like, what's Scooby-Doo's cousin that used to show up? Scrappy-Doo. Like that. A little bit in Scrappy-Doo. Not the little guy. Remember whenever. Oh, right. He had that like hillbilly.

It was an Asian cousin or something. I think he has. I'm remembering a hillbilly version of Scooby-Doo. I don't remember if he had an offensive Asian friend or relative. I thought it was. If I'm wrong, then am I the one that's messed up. I don't remember if he had an offensive Asian friend or relative. I thought it was. If I'm wrong, then am I the one that's messed up? Scooby-Doo already has a racist Asian drawl.

Oh, that's true. Maybe that's where you're getting your wires crossed. Yeah, that could be it. And I could see him in a situation where he was running from a phantom or a ghoul. The Harlem Globetrotters. Well, he'd be running with the Harlem Gok. He's not running from a phantom or a ghoul. Right. The Harlem Globetrotters. The Harlem.

Well, he'll be running with the Harlem. He's not running from them. They're trying to solve the mystery just like he is. They're in the same boat, Jesse. It's amazing that they kept appearing. I know. That's what we do. The whole team.

Yeah. What? The whole gang's here. It's not just Meadowlark Lemon. Right. Like, hey, you know what? We should animate someone who's known for physical feats of humor. Right.

Like, this will... Although I guess they could have some insight as to what their animated capers could be. So maybe it's not as... Maybe it's not as bad a fit. But they were always in uniform, too. That was the weird... They weren't even playing. Yeah, yeah.

But they were in uniform. But, like, to be honest, trick shots are significantly less impressive when they've been animated by a team of animators over the course of six months. Meticulously drawing single. Yeah. Right. And a cartoon character can pull a ladder out of anywhere to make a shot. Exactly. But the point is a capybara is a South American creature.

Okay. I'm going to go ahead and say 35 pounds. This is going to be my guess. 40 pounds maybe? Somewhere in there, but stocky. So small, compact. Okay. You know, a fireplug build.

Okay. They're semi-aquatic. So they love to swim in the rivers of South America. Okay. And they're really sweet. They're docile. When you said sweet, initially I thought you meant they tasted sweet. I bet their meat is sweet.

You talk to a Peruvian, they'll tell you about what a capybara tastes like because they're... Do they eat them? They're very popular food because they're so docile, they're easy to catch, kill, and eat. They're trusting. You can lure them over. How have they not been weeded out by natural selection?

I don't know. Good swimmers, maybe? Probably just big litters. Adorable. Mm-hmm. Oh, the people don't feel guilty. Yeah, sympathetic. And sexually open. As Denmark's Clarence the Capybara has taught us time and time again.

Yeah. Capybara is a great animal. Next time you go to the zoo. Yeah. I mean, your Central Park Zoo, Bronx Zoo, whichever zoo you might want to go to in New York. I have to go with somebody. I have to get somebody to go with me.

Just grab a child. I can't go by myself. Just grab a random child. Okay. Yeah. Just go to the zoo by yourself and grab a random child. This turned into Exhibit A real quick. Hey, I mean, if our podcast gets played in courtrooms, that's good promotion.

That's a captive audience. As long as the prosecutor gives out the web address or tells them how they can download it. Hari, you're a pretty major celebrity. I mean, this could be the next O.J. Simpson trial. Right? Okay, so my question about Cappy Bar. Oh, just to finish my Scooby-Doo thought. The next O.J. Simpson trial. Yeah, right? Okay. So my question about Cappy Bar. Oh, just to finish my Scooby-Doo thought, I can see Scooby-Doo in a situation where he's being chased and needs to disguise himself as something. You know, he'll usually do like a barber or, you know, an ice cream man.

I can see him putting on – Something with a striped coat. Putting on some sort of rice patty hat and doing an offensive Asian voice. Right. It was going around at the time. It was the early 70s. Yeah. Anyways.

At a time before racism. Racism was only invented in 1983 by the band Wang Chung. My God, there was a band called Wang Chung.

Oh my God. That's actually the first instance of racism. Holy crap, I forgot they existed. Who was the, that's actually the first instance of racism. Holy crap, I forgot they existed. And then, who was the man

that was turning Japanese with the vapors? No, who was that? That's a good question. Yeah, I guess I don't know. Buggles? That's Video Killed the Radio Star.

That's Video Killed the Radio Star. You know, all that 80s stuff kind of runs together for me. But that song, how'd they get a pass on that song?

Don't know. Well, it was the first instance of racism. People didn't know what to do with it. Once people figured out it was racist, they were banned from didn't know what to do with it once people figured out it was racist they were banned

from music right county fairs only right that's the thing that I this is gonna get strange but like

please I got into this habit of looking up popular bands from like the 80s and 90s and they often

play county fairs and things like that yeah so watching videos of like the Gin Blossoms doing Hey Jealousy and like Duluth, like it got real, that became my thing because like they come out and you know, they play something

else and they play Hey Jealousy and the 14 people that are there get really excited and something about that I find really amusing. Yeah. Toad the Wet Sprocket, where's Toad playing? You know, the same thing. They're waiting for a walk on the ocean and all they want and the 14 people start screaming. And I don't think. Then everybody gets a funnel kick.

Yeah. Yeah. It's amazing. Have either of you guys ever been to a concert at a county fair? I, as a kid, used to go see Weird Al every year at the Orange County Fair. Really? Yeah. So I have kind of fond memories of fair.

That's like, the thing is, is like Weird Al, that's his world. Yeah. That's not, that's not sad. He comes in and he's the fucking's his world. Yeah, that's not sad. He comes in and he's the fucking king of that. Oh, absolutely. He plays to an all-age – anyone that wanders in off the fucking fairway, which is I think what it's called, right? Right, correct. Anyone who wanders in off the fucking fairway is going to have a good time watching Weird Al.

He has the costumes. He's got videos for his costume changes. A terrific showman. He has the costumes. He's got videos for his costume changes. A terrific showman. Yeah. I think – and I don't think it's even a little bit sad for Weird Al to play a county fair because that's where there's a lot of people including a lot of 13-year-olds. Sure.

A lot of 13-year-olds and a lot of people who need something to enjoy with 13-year-olds. Oh, can I finish my Capybara question? I would like – I do definitely – we talked about talking about 90s post-grunge fans. We'll get to it. Right. Question about cappy bars. I like them. This is not a slight to cappy bars.

I think they're great. I think their meat is probably very sweet. I like how they're docile. I like how they go in the water. Class acts. It doesn't seem like the kind of animal that benefits from having video taken of it. See, that's because you don't know how much they like to swim in swimming pools. Oh, you know what?

You know what? I would want to see one swimming. I was thinking of just shooting one at a zoo. That's probably not great. But if he was in a home swimming pool or, you know, a bog. I'd like to see that. Is copy bar racing a thing? Like instead of cockfighting, just having them in a pool and putting them into lanes.

That would be great. Is that a thing? Put little swim caps on them? Yeah. Is that abusive? Your cockfighting is abusive, but is having them have a swim? I think that's fun for them. No, they like swimming, yeah.

They like swimming. And at the end of it, you give them some reeds or whatever. Right. Whatever it is that they like to chew on. It would have to be a freestyle, I'd imagine. They don't do, like, breaststrokes. No, no, no. I think it would have to be a... It would have to be a freestyle. Yeah.

Well, they might butterfly. That's a very difficult stroke. Yeah. Works out the whole body. But they're excellent swimmers. They're semi-aquatic. I mean, like, think about it this way. People can do that, and we're not aquatic at all.

That's true. They can probably do it. They're semi-aquatic. They're like swampy areas. So, okay. Riverbanks. So I can see the ideal Capybara video is they're swimming in it. Yeah.

It's like a diving pig. Okay. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, those are great. You ever seen a. Yeah. It's like a diving pig. Okay. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, those are great. You ever seen a diving pig? Mm-hmm. It's like that. Number one, it's just a goofy little animal.

Mm-hmm. And so to see it in a domestic milieu is already pretty good. And then it trots over and jumps into the pool, you know, like that. It was great. Sure. And it makes weird guinea pig noises. Come on. Yeah, you're right.

You're right. I did see a really nice pool-based animal video recently. It was just a weird dog rescue lady. And she's standing in front of like a kidney-shaped pool. Not a huge pool, backyard pool and there's 50 dogs in there oh yeah and she's talking about how all the different dogs

like to play there and just there's just something to see like when I go pick up my dogs, once in a while I take my dogs to dog daycare you know what I mean? wait, dog daycare or doggy daycare? doggy daycare I Doggy daycare. Okay.

I was trying to retain a little bit of dignity. Just go for it. Sometimes I take my dogs to doggy daycare and there's two big areas, big dog area, small dog area. As a doggy daddy, you also have to take your doggy to doggy daycare. I have to take my little princesses to doggy daycare. Yes. my little princesses. Sure, yeah. Yes.

And what's nice is you go to pick up your dog and at the doggy daycare that I go to, you can't directly, you can't directly observe the dog play area, okay, from the counter

where you go to pick up your dog. It's a peep show situation. You have to put in a quarter. Yeah. A screen raises up. There's two... You watch the dogs. You jerk off.

There's two 14-inch computer monitors, each with a live stream of the playground area. Can anyone access this live stream? Oh, yeah. Okay. And I. Like from my home computer or mobile device? Yeah. Okay.

Absolutely. Just go. Wagville. Wagville it's called. All right. Yeah. Okay. Absolutely.

Just go. Wagville. Wagville it's called. All right. I find myself wanting it to take longer for my dogs. And I love my dogs. And I miss them when they're at dog daycare. But I'm waiting.

I'm wishing that it would take three, four, five minutes for them to come out. For the people to round them up and bring them out to me just so that I can watch these fucking ridiculous animals on this 360 view of this entire play area where these dumb dogs are running around doing dumb dog shit. But you can watch it at home. I should watch it at home. And then I don't have to wear

trousers. There you go. You can do whatever. Just hang out and do whatever. Have a milkshake. Before we get too far off the topic of 90s bands playing county fairs, Hari, can you describe the T-shirt that you came in here wearing? I'm wearing the album cover for Live's hit album, hit record, Throwing Copper. The band Live was a popular band in the mid-90s during the alternative rock era. Now, I understand this is at one point in your life was your second favorite band.

Yeah, Weezer being my first, of course. Of course. Well documented. But Live, yeah, Live I really liked. They had the song Lightning Crashes. You've never heard this song, Lightning Crashes? I think if you heard... I probably recognize it.

They really like... It's famous has the word placenta in it. It's famous for the word placenta. The placenta falls to the floor. The angel opens her eyes. To be honest, my grunge rock knowledge takes a precipitous nosedive when I graduate from suburban private middle school in 1994 and enter urban public high school. Because at one point I was a guy, you know, in middle school I was a guy that didn't really like rock music, but everyone I knew exclusively liked rock music. And so I had Nirvana albums and stuff.

You know what I mean? Sure. Sure. Do I know about the Gin Blossoms? Yes. But then once I got to high school, yeah. So I think Live's legacy, and you can correct me if I'm wrong because I really don't know anything about the band other than their hit singles, is they popularized that voice that's fun to sing in. The...

Yeah, I think that's right. Did they invent that? I wonder if they invented that. Didn't Eddie Vedder kind of do that? Oh, yeah. But they're the ones who made it silly. Right. He wasn't really doing Eddie Vedder.

No, he wasn't doing Eddie Vedder. He had a different thing. Yeah. I mean, it was kind of, you know, Chris Cornell probably. Oh, he wasn't doing any better. He had a different thing. Yeah. I mean, it was kind of, it was, you know, Chris Cornell probably. Oh, he does. Yeah. Yeah. Spoonman.

Yeah. But I think the live guys is so much more extreme than those. Can I ask you a question just with regard to the differences and similarities between Chris Cornell and the live guy? Has the lead singer of live ever recorded a pop album produced entirely by Timbaland? No. Hmm. Seems like a mistake.

Did Chris Cornell do that? Worked out great for Chris Cornell. Well, yeah, I mean, everyone's talking about it. Sure. Everyone definitely remembers that. Definitely the high point of both his career and Timbaland's.

Sure, yeah. And they made so many more. Yeah. They just kept doing it. Yeah, sure. I wonder if the internet hurt live because you can't really Google live. Yeah. It's the word live.

It's not Google-able. Although, I mean, I think in the world of indie rock, modern rock radio, I feel like all those bands have hard-to-Google names. Your Funs. Oh, yeah. Your Yucks. Right, yeah. Things Yucks. Right. Yeah. Things like that.

Yeah. Anyway. So have you checked in on live like you've checked in on the Gin Blossoms and Toad the Wet Sprocket? I believe, if I remember right, the lead singer has left the group. So now they've got another guy. So they're basically a live cover band. And seeing live already at this point is kind of sad. Why would you want to see a cover band of live with four of the original members but not the one people remember?

I mean, but the live bass lines. Right, right, right. Those were fucking tight. Can I ask you, did the guy who left the band, was he the guy that wrote the songs as well as the singer? I think so, though. the songs as well as the singer? I think so, though. If I remember the article I read not too long ago,

I believe that the other members of the band said that they had written more than they were... They were credited for. I believe so. But at the same time, it's kind of like... You know, it's kind of irrelevant. Nobody cares about them. They just disappeared. They had a moment.

I remember they were touring with the Counting Crows a lot. That was a weird, like... Even well after those bands were really popular, they just kind of kept that mid-'90s thing going. You know, I think that's kind of what happens. We've talked about this on the show before with your, like, you know, there was something going around called the Summerland Tour, which was, like, Sugar Ray and Marcy Playground. Right. Marcy Playground. Right. Like,

probably in their time thought they were completely different bands but just now are like, oh, what does a 37-year-old woman want to see? Yeah,

like, what can a mom put on a crop top for, you know? How many times are you allowed to play Sex and Candy

in a row? Sure. People realize that, oh, no, it's the same song. Anyway, so yeah, so have you checked in on,

have you watched the new version of the band with the new? I can't do it. I can't. No, I'm serious. I've been following up on Counting Crows a little bit. I really was into them for a moment. Did you know his dreads are fake? Oh, my God. What?

The lead singer of the band. You didn't know that? Don't fuck around with me. It's a piece? It's always been a piece. It's a merkin? It You didn't know that? Don't fuck around with me. It's a piece? It's always been a piece. It's a merkin? It always has been a piece? It's always been a piece.

No way. It's not like it started to thin out. You know, because when you have dreads for a long time, they start to pull and your hair starts to fall out. No, it's always been a piece. And also, I always thought, like, oh, this guy must be part black or something. No. It's a white Jewish guy. Who has had I always thought, like, oh, this guy must be part, you know, black or something. No. It's a white Jewish guy. Who hasn't had fake dreads the whole time.

Oh, no. And nobody ever said anything. Okay. I saw the Gowning Crows guy get interviewed on CBS This Morning last week. What? What do you mean? I enjoyed watching CBS This Morning before I go to work. No, that's what shocks me.

Why was he on CBS This Morning? I don't know. Talking about his triumphant return. What? Their first album of new material in... I guess they had some covers albums, but they're back. They're back. So he found the target audience through CBS this morning.

My parents are excited. Yeah. Who loves Oprah's friend Gail and Charlie Rose? But his fucking hair was insane in that interview like it was like if that's a wig yeah he's a fucking asshole yeah yeah yeah yeah that's insane yeah anyway something i like about cbs this morning is all the commercials are very earnest during it like about how if it's a car commercial it's about how safe it'll keep your family and when it's about

juice it's about how good the juice tastes. Anyway, I'm like, oh, this is nice. These commercials aren't trying to be funny. There's just commercials for Mountain Dew and the spokesman's Charlie Rose. Yeah. This tastes great and it's refreshing. It's got a lot of caffeine, so it really gives you some pep. Really?

Yeah. Charlie Rose. You're friends with Oprah. I'm drunk right now. Charlie Rose. Yeah. Put a Oprah. I'm drunk right now. Charlie Rose. Yeah. Put a little Bailey's in this Mountain Dew. Boy, howdy.

Oh, God. Bailey's and Mountain Dew. Oh, yeah. It's called the Irish teen. Someone is definitely going to try this now and get hurt. Hey, make some YouTube videos of yourself trying Baileys at Mountain Dew. Send them in. Oh, my goodness gracious.

Hashtag them Irish teen. Charlie Rose is really successful for a guy who appears to be like clearly, visually apparently drunk. All the time. Yeah. Like, he's visibly drunk on hosting his show. Like, like that. But, I mean, it's a good show. Charlie Rose is a good show.

Sure. I guess that's just the thing that gives it its element of danger. Otherwise, it would just be two people in a weird space. Boy, yeah, exactly. It it its element of danger. Otherwise, it would just be two people in a weird space. Void. Yeah, exactly. It's an element of danger. In a nameless void that exists between dimensions. At any moment, Charlie Rose's functional alcoholism could fall apart. Yeah.

Could throw up or grab a boob. And everyone's always really nice to him. Like he was interviewing Nas, and I was watching that one, and it seems like Nas is like, man, this guy's kind of awkward, and he says weird shit, but I'm just going to play along the whole time. Every time he slips into any bit of hip-hop vernacular or anything like that, the other person's always like, all right. Man, I would love to be so prestigious that people like just accept anything I do.

Right. Regardless. As a prestige move. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like he's drunk out of principle. Yeah. You know, it's funny.

I've just kind of for work, they – we were kind of thinking of some ideas how to like – we've done on At Midnight a couple of times like some, you know, like At Midnight versions of popular game shows ebay price is right and you kind of take the conventions of that game show they're stealing we've stolen some game show ideas for the show and so i was just like looking at youtube videos of all these old game shows and no one is drunker than a 70s game show host like the gong show like people are just slurring and like tipping out of their chairs it is insane so maybe he's just like a classic broadcaster in that way who's like, well, yeah, that's what you do. You show up and you have a belt of scotch and then you lose it after the show. Yeah, he seems like a real, like he seems like he could have been an extra in all the

president's men. Yeah, totally. Just fucking opens a desk drawer and pulls out some scotch. Glug, glug, glug. Man, I want to party with Charlie Rose. I hear all you got to do is just get an internship on that show. You'll be pouring scotch into his coffee mug. Oh, man, that would be great.

Do you think he lives in that void that he just showed? He's like, he's got a hammock there. That's his drinking void. A hammock where one end is attached to nothing and the other end is attached to nothing. And the other end is attached to God's eyeball.

And the other end is attached to God's eyeball. Just Condoleezza Rice comes over for dinner. Okay. We've had a lot of fun. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la Hi, I'm Julie Sabatier, host of Destination DIY. It's a show about people taking matters into their own hands, and we're really excited to be bringing it to Maximum Fun. You know, having that experience of I can do that makes me feel like I can almost do anything.

Here at Destination DIY, we like to push the do-it-yourself envelope beyond crafts and home improvement. So tune in to hear the stories of makers, builders, inventors, and all kinds of creative people. You can essentially build a do-it-yourself space program today, and now, luckily, I'm a part of that. Check out Destination DIY at MaximumFun.org or wherever you like to listen to podcasts.

Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, Sure. Should we before we start, should we talk about Brian's corrections that he made? Yeah. Brian came in here with some important information. Our producer, Sonny D. Brian Fernandez. First of all, on the on the subject of bucktooth Scooby Doo, Scoob himself has been bucktoothed in a Mandarin collared shirt in an episode about a haunted Chinese restaurant. However, his cousin, Scooby Dumb, which I think is actually a really good name. I think that's pretty funny. Not the cleverest of the Scooby family. No, sir. Is a hayseed. He does appear to be a hayseed and not an Asian.

Although Hari just assumed that he was. My memory clearly, because maybe I got those two episodes crossed and I'm like, oh, okay. He must be playing an Asian caricature. Yeah. Maybe not everything is racist, Hari. Yeah. Yeah. Didn't you just say. Maybe there are some good white people like me.

But didn't you just say they did an episode in a haunted house? Hashtag not all scuba dudes. Let's get that trending. So that's number one. That's number one. And number two is Adam Duritz has openly admitted to having extensions, dreadlock extensions. Not a full hairpiece, but extensions. And he's also notably recently made some appearances on Tinder,

a popular dating application, Tinder. If we have any female listeners who run up upon Duritz, I think according to the CBS This Morning interview I watched, he lives in New York, just go to coffee with Duritz and tell us what it's like. Yeah, please. Just have a drink with Duritz. I'm not asking that you sleep with him or enter into a relationship. That would be a ridiculous thing to ask.

You don't even have to make out with him. No, you totally don't. Maybe you should, but you don't have to. Listen, just swipe right on Duritz. Yeah. Let him buy you a club sandwich. Sure. A Cobb it. Yeah. Let him buy you a club sandwich. Sure. A Cobb salad.

Sure. Hey, get a Monte Cristo if he's buying. Sure. Tell us what it's like. Tinder works where you either swipe yes or no. Yeah. Is that it? But with Admirers, you can't be like question mark.

There's no question mark. Like what? Huh? So you're thinking swipe right for yes, left for no, and up for wait. Adam Duritz? Yeah, exactly. There's no way. Are you still around?

I don't like the idea of him having Tinder and saying no to people. Who are you? Who are you? Who are you, Adam Duritz? Joyer County Fair. They still got those Mr. Jones checks coming in. Yeah. Again, between 1992 and 1994, I'm strong enough on Alternative Rock.

Right. Right. Okay. So. He dated Courtney Cox. Did he really? He's pretty good. He dated a couple of very famous actresses.

And at some point, they're all like, oh, my God, these are extensions? That they're all like, oh my god, these are extensions? That happened repeatedly. Famous women were like, these are extensions? That should be the first – like you should say that. Right off the bat. Early on. Yeah. I mean it's like if you're divorced or if you have a kid.

Like that's not something you want to come out five dates in. Sure. You want to just like, hey, just – This is part of my life. Yeah. Right. Take it or leave it. This is who I am.

They're quality extensions, though. 100% real Indian hair. But in the thing you saw, it was terrible. It was so crazy. I mean, the hair was insane. Like, they showed, you know, they played the old Mr. Jones video. He has a huge volume of hair now, right? Yeah.

Yeah. He looks like a cartoon character. He looks like his hair is from the Boondocks, like the Boondocks comic strip. He's like Phil Spector of... Yeah, totally. Yes, he is.

Right, yeah. He is Hacky Zack Phil Spector. Right, right. Do you think it's one of those things... Fridge leather jacket Phil Spector. Do you think it's one of those things where he mentioned to his aunt one time that he had gotten an extension

in his hair and now every year for Christmas she gets one of those. And he just has to keep finding. And now every year for Christmas, she gets an extension. And he just has to keep finding places to put it in. Oh, yeah. I'm still getting dinosaur stuff from Auntie Sandra. So, I mean, I know what that's like. Yeah.

Could be. So this past week, Julia, the producer of Bullseye, her boyfriend Adam was a member of the band The Aquabats. And worked on the television show they made called Yo Gabba Gabba. And on Yo Gabba Gabba, they had these cartoons. Have you guys ever seen – you guys don't have small children, so you've never seen Yo Gabba Gabba. I've seen some clips of it. It's a good show. I've not watched a whole episode.

It's a little maddening, but just because it's made for toddlers, all things made for toddlers are maddening. Toddlers exist in a void of madness, much like Charlie Rose. Exactly. But there are these little sequences where children, like the animated version, like green screen shots

of children run through like platform video games. Like, you know what I mean? Does that make sense? Yeah, there was an old Nickelodeon game show that was on in my childhood. What was it called?

Nick Arcade? Oh, I remember that. Where the kids would play video games against each other. They were in the game. And then, yeah, the last, you know, like the double dare obstacle course of this show was you, yeah, you were against a green screen. And like you were, yeah, in a side-scrolling platforming game. But it wouldn't work that much. So like the kids would have to like hit a coin ten times before it would actually disappear.

Anyway, it seems like people lost that game a lot because the technology wasn't good enough. So this cat that makes these crazy videos for Yo Gabba Gabba happens to be a friend of my producer, Julia. And we've got this live show coming up. Did you just say cat to refer to a guy? Yeah, I did. Oh, interesting. I was imagining it like the video game was run by a cartoon cat. I think the only person who can get away with that is Dwayne Kennedy.

Oh, Dwayne Kennedy. He can get away with that. Dwayne Kennedy. He can get away with pretty much whatever he wants. Are you saying cat regularly to refer to just random guys? No, I just said it this one time. Okay. Just came out.

I didn't think it sounded bad. It just confused me because we were talking about cartoons and children's entertainment. Yeah, I assumed it was an actual cat. As the wife of Noah from Noah's Arcade once said, I just opened my mouth and I'm a cat. Yeah. So we've got this live show, this Bullseye live show coming up next month. And we wanted to put together an intro for the show, like something to get people pumped up, a video to project on a screen, something like that. And Julia says, well, I know the guy that made those crazy videos for Yo Gabba Gabba.

And I was like, well, what can he do for X amount of money, which is almost nothing? And she's like, well, I'll call him and ask him. He's like, come on over to my house in Ojai. We'll set up a green screen that I bought on Amazon.com. And we'll fucking do it to it. So I drove up to Ojai, California, which is two hours from Los Angeles and is known mostly for mysticism. It's like a vacation destination for people who are really into tarot. It's nice, too.

I mean, I. Yeah, I've been there, too. It is kind of nice. And I can I can kind of stock up on crystalsot. It's nice, too. I mean, I... Yeah, I've been there, too. It is kind of nice. And I can kind of stock up on crystals for the year. Yeah, totally. Do they have wine there, or do they have any kind of crop that they... There may be some wine.

I mean, there's probably another crop that I'm thinking of. Oh, yes. Sorghum. Oh, right. Sorghum. And so I drove up... Man, I was so fucked up on sorghum the other day.

I drove up to Joel's house, and me and Julia drove up to Joel's house in Ojai, California, two hours away. It's like this house was like the interior of the house. It was like a ranch house, you know, but the interior was completely paneled in wood. And when I say paneled in wood, not in wood paneling, in pieces of wood. Like a wood. All ceiling, walls, floor, all wood. It was like being in a wooden version of the Charlie Rose show. Sure.

A wood void. A beautiful house, but very distinctive. And out in his yard, he had this shed, which I guess would have been for livestock. He didn't have any livestock. What he had was a pet crippled crow. Oh, my. Yeah. Or I should say a differently abled crow.

Sure. What was the crow? One leg or one wing? The crow had one wing. The crow had one leg or one wing? The crow had one wing. It had some wounds that it healed, but— Was it a hawk fight? Falcon fight?

Yeah. Oh, excuse me. Yeah. Falcon fight. Excuse me. That was racist of me to call a falcon a hawk. Joel tried to explain it to me that basically just crows, most crows just get eaten by something. But, you know, what happens is they get attacked and then something's like, oh, it's just a crow.

And then they just leave it to die. And so this was a crow that had been left to die. And he just hopped around and sort of made noises. And he was friends with this guy, Joel. And the thing that this – When you mean a crow, you mean like a crow, not like a person. No, I'm talking about the – not from Game of Thrones. Is that what you mean? No, no, just because of the cat reference.

Oh, yeah. You had to introduce – Yeah, he's a pretty cool crow. It's crow. Apparently one big thing that this – Pass me that joint, Crow man. That this Crow does is Joel takes it for walks just to get it out of the shed. Oh, sure, yeah.

Oh, geez. So he goes in there, hangs out with it, plays with it a little bit. It's got a little – you know, got some sticks leaned up against walls and stuff to run around on. And it'll go on Joel's arm. And so he'll take it out for a little walk. But the problem is that it keeps trying to fly off of Joel's arm, but it can't fly because it only has one wing. And it just falls on the ground and hurts itself. Oh, buddy.

And so I've decided to give special dispensation to this crow because I feel bad hating this crow. He also had beehives, which a lot of people have beehives now. And I was like, oh, well, you know, I mean, but on the plus side, you get all that honey. Sure. And he said, no, I don't gather the honey. I just like to go out and get a look at them. What?

Wait, what? And then get stung? Yeah. Well, he just wants to get a look at them. But to his credit, I'm inside his house, inside this big wood-paneled living room, and there's like a Petri dish. It's got a couple of sort of desiccated bee carcasses in there. And I'm like, hey, Joel, saving some bees, huh?

And he says, oh, yeah, those are to look at under the microscope. Okay, you can't argue with that. You just said the guy likes to get a look at them in a lot of different ways. Anybody that's got a microscope and is going to take a look at a bee under a microscope, that's a legitimate interest in getting a look at some bees. Yeah. He told me he wants to build- He's not a casual bee looker.

No, sir. He wants to build a plexiglass bee enclosure in his living room with a hose that connects to the outdoors so that at any time you can see the bees in their beehive through the plexiglass in his living room. And I got to say, I had to hand it to him for that one. That's pretty good. I like that. Except for you're going to get bee trouble. So it's like Big Brother with bees.

Exactly. Just freaking looking into their world. Yeah. See what they're doing. Yeah. Watching them sex it up. Checking out the drama. One. Seeing what they're doing. Yeah. Watching them sex it up. Checking out the drama.

One bee is very racist this season. You know, this bee didn't come here to make friends, Harlan. No, yeah. Came to win. Yeah. Well, came to feed the queen. Technically came to feed the queen. Sure, yeah. He'd catch her.

And do the special dance that shows where the partner is. He came to regurgitate a paste. Yeah, that's hilarious. A sweet paste. That's hilarious. The other- Regurgitate a sweet paste. I didn't come here to make friends. I came here to regurgitate a sweet paste.

I don't know if that's how bees work. Don't correct me. The other thing that a – the other thing that – so what we ended up actually doing at this ranch in Ojai. Oh, abandoned art car. Okay. There's also an abandoned art car. Yeah, that's allai. Oh, abandoned art car. Okay. There's also an abandoned art car. Yeah, that's all tracks. Art van, art truck.

Mm-hmm. Art bus. Art short bus. Art vehicle. Yeah. Yeah. And so we're making- What was the theme?

Penises on the high seas? Yeah. The video. So we had some different ideas for what we could do, but the budget was very limited. So he's like, look, we're going to do something that we can do with your budget, but I want it to be captivating. So he wasn't – he's not the guy who just does side-scrolling video game green screen. No. He's got all kinds of specialities.

This guy made a Solange video. Wow. This guy knows a little something about captivating. The one in the elevator where she kicks Jay-Z? Did he make that? Yeah. That was great. Yeah.

What's crazy is that's not Jay-Z. It's just green screen effect. Oh. They can do really good stuff with green screen. It's actually Andy Serkis in a motion capture suit. But Solange is playing herself. So this is what I'm thinking the video is going to be. Me getting to the show.

And I'm, you know, using a canoe. I'm climbing up a mountain. Batman, the TV show style. You know, that kind of thing. And I get there. I pitch him that. And he's like, I'm going to be honest. You don't have the money for that.

I'm like, okay, so what can we do? You could get stung by a lot of bees. That's real. He's like, here's what we do. You got your outfit

that you're going to wear on stage. I'm like, yes. He's like, we'll put you in front of the green screen and we'll shoot you from the waist up pretending to walk

and pretending to run and pretending to swim. I'm like, sounds good so far. I'm glad that I don't have to do anything with my lower body. It's weaker than my upper body. He says, then we'll have you stand on your head and shoot the same motions with your feet upside down, and then I'll put them together in post.

And I said, okay. Turns out I cannot stand on my head. Yeah, that's a tough one. That was the fatal flaw. Sure. He just assumed you could? He is the kind, he can certainly stand on his head. And I think his peer group can all stand on their head.

You know what I mean? Sure. A very brilliant man. So we'll shoot you from the waist up, running, swimming, walking, and then you'll make a bong out of an apple. Yeah. Can't do that. Yeah, I don't know how to make a bong out of an apple. Can't do that. Yeah, I don't know how to make a bong. Really?

Everyone can't do that? Yeah. And so what we ended up having – so what happened is first I stood on my head a few times. And it was that kind of like stand on your shoulders, stand on your head that I – as I understand it, people do in yoga. I've never done this in what little yoga I've done. But it wasn't a full-on headstand. You know, it's not like I was pressing up.

I can't even do a push-up, much less a press-up with my feet above my head. So it's the kind where you brace your forearms on the ground and sort of stand up on your shoulders or your upper back. And I did that a couple times. The way I did it was I put my arms on the ground and then basically Julia, my 110-pound producer, and this guy lifted my legs into the air. And then I stood there trying not to scream for like 20 seconds and then collapsed on the ground and tried not to hurt myself really badly when I collapsed.

Oh, dear. So we shot that a couple times. Hopefully a couple of those shots will get in there. And then we were like – he was so kind to me, so kind. It was 100 degrees outside. I'm sweating like a – Capybara. Exactly.

They don't need to sweat. They're semi-aquatic. They can just take a dip. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's how they regulate their temperature. They can just take a dip. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's what they do. They regulate their temperature. They can just take a dip. I would have loved to have taken a dip. That would have been great.

At that moment, I would have... Dips are refreshing. Are you kidding? Oh, my goodness. So what we ended up doing is I took off my pants and shoes and socks because I had on distinctive socks, and we put them on Joel. Oh, and he did the headstand. Yeah.

So then Joel just went and lined up the shot, pressed record, ran in front of the camera, did a headstand and pretended to run. Oh, cool. So you can, so you're, that's a fun fact for people who come to the show. Yeah, for people who come to the show. Those maybe aren't your legs. Little fucking behind the scenes detail right there. And then I got a migraine and had to drive home for three hours in traffic with a migraine trying not to cry because it would blur my vision.

You should have gotten crystals in Ojai. I should have. Just rub those on your head. Just swallow a couple crystals. Man. You're fine. You know what I think probably happened? I was getting up there on my arms and elbows.

It was a catch up on the way out, though, I guess. My chakras got misaligned. It'll happen. Yeah. By the way, you mentioned getting an annual supply of crystals every time you hit Ojai. Mm-hmm. I didn't...

I hadn't previously thought of them as a consumable good, like as something that would... Where are they going? Crystals? Yeah. Like, what do you use them for? No, I mean, like,

I understand you need some crystals to do your move. Sure. But if you need a new, a fresh supply every year, in what way are they getting destroyed, missing, or soiled? Well, I mean, just the energy drains from them. Huh. As you, you know, as you, you know, go about your day and require, like, positivity or insight, like, you know, there's a finite supply of energy within each crystal. And you wear the crystal rectally? Yeah, I mean, well, you can, there's a finite supply of energy within each crystal. And you wear the crystal rectally?

Yeah. I mean, well, you can wear it rectally. Right. Some of them are small enough to fit in the urethra. Oh. And that's a great just like – that's just a great like straight shot into your chi. Right. Like it doesn't have to – you know.

It's like – I mean, we've all inserted a vodka-soaked tampon into our ass. Yeah. Get you drunk quick. Right. Same thing with crystal up the urethra. Right. We've all sounded as well. Haven't we all?

Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, that's it. You know, the crystal drains. Its magic properties are finite. Someone got legitimately angry at me. You feed them to a dog after they're gone. Someone got legitimately angry at me on the internet for bringing up sounding on the program,

and then they looked up what it was and saw like pictures of it. Here's the... What's sounding? It's putting a rod in your urethra. A what? A rod. Why would you do that?

For sexual gratification. Tired of all other sex. Tired of vaginas. Wait, you put a rod in your urethra yeah how uh how

gradual I'm not even asking why I said carefully right like you did with gingerly and then you just put it in the hole

it's got like a ball at the end oh my god I know so if at least it's not barbed like that fish from the Amazon.

No! So if there's an accident, then what do you do? You just kill yourself then? Yeah, sure. Your life is over. Yeah. People who are into sounding also have cyanide pills. If something goes wrong, they just bite down.

Right. Yeah. Yeah, pretty much. So that was my trip to Ojai. It was really quite an experience. But I think it's going to pay off. Yeah, it sounds like a great video. The bloopers, though.

You're having bloopers? Oh, yeah. They should have the fallover bloopers. Man, I really wanted to, like, the moves that I didn't get to make that I really wanted to do were all vehicular. And I guess the issue is just that we couldn't afford to add the element of a vehicle. But I wanted to do canoe really bad. I wanted to do rope really bad. And then I wanted to do, ooh, I'm driving a car.

You know what I mean? But I didn't get to. I got an interesting text message yesterday. Did you? Can I read it off? Would you guys like to hear it? I'd love to. If you don't mind getting your phone out, you can just read it directly.

Yeah, I'm going to read it directly. So this is the actual. I'm going to read it verbatim. It's from phone number 55678. Jordan, can I ask a favor of you just as you read this? Don't take any liberties with it. No, I'm not going to. This is straight from the text.

Verbatim. I want it verbatim. Hey. This is from number 55678. Hey, it's Omar. Our end of summer all black party is number two night at Supper Club plus Saturdays at Lure. Want to join? I got you plus your crew.

Reply yes to RSVP. Huh, that might be a wrong number. Sounds pretty good. Yeah. When it's... I have a quick question. Sure. You guys probably do a lot of clubbing.

Yeah, well... In my heyday, I went to one club. How'd that go? That was it. Which one was it? Someplace in Seattle called the War Room that no longer exists. Yeah. I didn't like it. It was loud. It seemed Someplace in Seattle called the War Room that no longer exists. Yeah.

I didn't like it. It was loud. It seemed like a confusing name, the War Room. The War Room, yeah. Like if there was a shooting there, it's like, well, you know. You kind of had it coming. It's not a war room. Does, isn't all black party an outfit thing or a race thing?

I mean, yeah. I don't know. That's a great question. I mean, if it is an outfit thing, it was clearly meant for me because my nickname around town is the man in black. Right. After Johnny Cash died, they started calling me that. Sure. He actually willed that title to you.

Sure. Exactly. I was with him on his deathbed. You're the man in black now, Jordan. Those are his final words. Again, like Rich Little. Yeah.

You get both the voice and the detail. Right. You know, the details, the things that make someone special. You know what I mean? I am actually,

I think I've told you about this before. This is the kind of text I get pretty regularly. And I have, I mean? I am actually – I think I've told you about this before. This is the kind of text I get pretty regularly and I have – I mean I could probably like text them opt out or remove from list or something like that. Part of me wants to go at some point. You know? I mean we've talked about saying yes to life, doing something you wouldn't normally do. Maybe clubbing, I should just try it. Like I've never done it.

Get your crew together, Jordan. Yeah, Omar is saying me and my crew can come. You're going to get on the VIP list. Yeah. Are you going to get bottle service? I could probably get bottle service. I think I'm at the point where I'm making a little bit of money. What are you getting?

Oh, Ciroc. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Ciroc. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It has to have been stirred by P. Diddy's penis or else I won't drink it. Isn't that the distinguishing thing about Ciroc? Yeah. He stirs it all with his dick.

Did you guys notice, by the way, that there was a- Erect penis, right? Oh, sure. Yeah. Diddy's constantly erect. Oh, right, right. He's a- Yeah.

There was a- Diddy's always ready to go. There was a Ferguson Posse rap song that I believe was curated by The Game. I might be misremembering that. But 25 rappers on this. Diddy rapped on it, which already is sort of a weird mistake because he's not a rapper. But managed to drop Ciroc in there. Oh, that's tasteful.

Really, product placement in that moment, really? What? Can you do remember the lyric? I do not remember the lyric. Wow. Yeah, but it was, I was a fucking maze. That's insane. And he incorporated it pretty elegantly.

That's another thing that I was impressed by. Pretty well done. Yeah's insane. And he incorporated it pretty elegantly. That's another thing that I was impressed by. Pretty well done. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, it's part of, you know, it's like you want, you know, if you want Diddy to appear on something, you want, you know, warts and all, you know? Yeah. And I think that if he didn't mention

Serac or he wasn't plugging something, it wouldn't really be him. You know, it would be him you know, doing someone else. It would be like if there was a game song and he didn't plugging something, it wouldn't really be him. It would be him doing someone else. It would be like if there was a game song and he didn't say anything about Tupac. Right. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, I can understand that. You know, like, hey, Diddy, do you plug Ciroc or Virgin Airlines or whatever it is you have

a stake in? Does he have a stake in Virgin Airlines? I don't know. That seems right, though, doesn't it? If I just went around saying that, oh, yeah, Diddy owns 20% of Virgin Airlines, you'd go, oh, yeah, sure. There's something about Richard Branson, too. He would love that.

Oh, he would totally love that. Those guys hang out all the time. Yeah, on a fucking catamaran. Yeah, exactly. That's where they hang out. In their white linen pants. Yeah, I don't know if I trust Richard Branson to run an airline, but if he had a catamaran service-

Oh, yeah. That's square in his wheelhouse. Sure. And that's a fastball down the road. Cigarette boat? Yeah, sure. I think I was the only person who liked Virgin Cola. I loved Virgin Cola.

Really? I never had a Virgin Cola. Oh, so good, man. And they took it off the market because all the Virgin, he shut down that and all the record stores and everything. Oh, sure, yeah. But I used to remember going to the Times Square Virgin Records and they had a vending machine, a Virgin Cola. And I was like, I love it.

I used to get two at a time, man. I loved it. What set it apart from your Cokes and your Pepsis? I don't know. It tasted a little flatter. Like fresher, like it hadn't been used up. Right. It just –

Tighter. A little – I don't know what it was. It just maybe was a little flatter. It tasted different. I liked it. It it was. It just maybe was a little flatter. It tasted different. I liked it. It tastes, you know those Gus colas? No. The natural colas that they make.

It tasted a little bit more like that. Okay. Yeah, but it was great, man. A little less chemical-y. Hari, while we're talking colas, tell me what you think about OK Cola, the cola of the slacker generation. What is OK Cola? OK Cola was, I can't remember if Coke or think about OK Cola, the cola of the slacker generation. What is OK Cola? OK Cola was – I can't remember if Coke or Pepsi created OK Cola. A friend of the show, Jen Goldberg, has an OK Cola tattoo.

Oh, there you go. It was a brand created by either Coke or Pepsi. I can't remember which. To appeal to Generation Xers who rejected being marketed to. Didn't Dan Clowes draw the cans? Dan Clowes and Charles Burns, I believe. Came out with. Coca-Cola.

It belonged to Coca-Cola, according to Sonny D. Wow. It had graphic two-color images designed by Dan Clowes and Charles Burns. And it was called OK. It just said OK in big letters. It was still like carbonated sugar water? Oh, yeah. It was just Coke, you know.

Yeah. Just Coke. I mean, you know, whatever. I mean, a couple weeks ago on the show, Hari, we talked about, you know, having a kind of speakeasy-like bar. You know, you need a secret knock. Maybe it's a part of another business. It's got a bookcase that moves. Okay.

Where we are serving cocktails cut with defunct sodas. So if we could go to Branson's Island, get some virgin, would you give us your celebrity endorsement? Absolutely. Yeah. Do you think we can get Ecto Cooler? I guess it's not technically a soda. That's a Capri Sun? High C.

It's a High C, yeah Yeah I want an Ecto Cooler It's been so long Yeah Yeah, that might be a good thing to have That was the Ghostbusters tie-in Yeah, yeah

Does it also have to be It only has to be American sodas, right? Are there some international sodas we should consider? Yeah, I don't know There's two But I don't know how you get your hands on those But I guess if you have access to Richard Branson This might be possible

Yeah, yeah, What are they? One's called Sprint. It was an Indian soda that I don't think lasted very long. It had a little bit of a lemon-lime kind of taste to it, a little bit ginger ale too. That's defunct. And then there was one of the most famous soda in India until Coke and Pepsi moved in and it kind of got squashed. And Fanta replaced it. It was called Gold Spot.

It was an orange soda. Oh, neat. That was very popular. And when Coke moved in, I guess the Fanta brand overtook Gold Spot. But Fanta is inferior to what Gold Spot was. By far. By far. Yeah.

You got to have principles, sorry. Yeah. No, I mean, I definitely think we should open up this bar to an international audience. That would be amazing. Yeah. Oh, I really want this to happen. I really do. I mean, how far are we from this possibility?

Well, we talked about it on a podcast. Oh, that's true. We're still there. Okay, so we're going to need – Can we get some venture capitalists? Because mentally, I've gone many years in the future. I'm bummed that we're not there right now. You know what?

bum that we're not there right now. You know what? If Alex Bloomberg from Planet Money can start a podcast about starting his business that's about that's a podcast business. I don't see why we can't get some venture capitalists to back us in this whole

in this whole international soda speakeasy. Also fruit drinks. I think we should open it up to fruit drinks. Any defunct or unavailable beverage. Okay. It's not out of the realm of possible. You know that whole surge story?

They brought the surge back. Oh, that's true. Yeah, totally. Because of that internet campaign. And now you can go on Amazon and get surge for a limited time. Yeah. But I mean, I think we want ours to be like, we want to get these from like warehouses and like from the bunkers of survivalists.

I think we want to like be able to – The bunkers of survivalists. Because you know there's dudes up in Montana hoarding Crystal Pepsi. I'm sorry. They're doing it. They do. They do. All the shit is going to come down.

Right. Maybe the government will come for my guns or maybe Crystal Pepsi will just go away. They don't like brown people. They don't like brown people. They don't like brown cola. Oh, do you know what I would love to make a comeback is a lemon slice. Oh, yeah? Orange slice. You know, I used to like Dr. Slice.

What's Dr. Slice? That was their Dr. Pepper imitation. Whoa. It had a little bit of fruitiness to it. I'm a little disappointed that Dr. Becker no longer exists. Ah, yeah. Yeah.

I mean, look, we could talk about this all day. Can you go to Albertsons to get a Dr. Star still? I don't know. That's an interesting question. Hmm. One of the most underrated

TV shows of all time I felt was Becker. I loved Becker. Wow. I loved a hell of a lot of Becker. What was Becker? Did you love the show without a Becker?

Loved it. Oh, that was Ted Danson as a curmudgeonly. Yeah, doctor. He had the prehouse. Oh, and he was a grumpy doctor. Yeah, prehouse. Not the one where he was a grumpy newspaper editor. That's ink.

That's ink. Which one was he the grumpy, cappy bar? Which one had the black, blind guy? Oh, yes. That is Becker. That's John Larroquette's show. Did John Larroquette's show have that character as well? Didn't he have had the black blind guy? Oh, yes. That is. The John Larroquette show. Did John Larroquette show have that character as well? Didn't he have a blind black guy? Oh, I don't know.

That was a repeated idea? Really? Yeah. Anyway, Becker was great. Yeah, I love Becker. It is an amazing idea to make a black guy blind, though. I don't, I mean. Oh, I mean, it was a top by Chappelle's show.

I mean, that's like the ultimate. Yeah. Yeah. God. What a beautiful moment. Becker. Just in civil rights history as well as comedy history. Yes. To have that blind black guy

on there. And he's in a lot of ways friends with Ted Danson. Which is what we all aspire to. Do you know why it's groundbreaking? It was a blind black guy in mainstream media who didn't have to sing. It was just a guy being a blind black guy without having to sing for white people. All he has to do is be friends with dancing.

That's it. That was it. That's all he had to do. It was wonderful. I think he owned a newspaper stand, too. You know what? Let's let dancing do the dancing. You know what I mean?

Yeah. He's trained for it. I do really want to be friends with Ted Danson. Oh, man. Me and my friend had an idea for a TV pilot years ago, and I already made up my mind. Well, it has to star Ted Danson. He's like, well, but it has to star Ted Danson from Becker's era. But it's impossible.

A post-Cheers, pre-Bored to Death, Curb Your Enthusiasm. Exactly. Ted Danson. That era. I think you're going to get to the concept of multiple universes now where there's some sort of unaged Ted Danson still stuck in this Becker role. I want Chris Elliott, but I want Chris Elliott from Everybody Loves Randy. But I feel like you get to issues where if it gets to a point where it gets bought and all of a sudden they want you to compromise and you can't have Becker, Ted Danson. That's impossible. We want Silver Fox Danson you to compromise and you can't have Becker, Ted Danson. That's impossible.

We want him like that. We want Silver Fox Danson. Are these like the further adventures of Becker? I don't understand. On Becker, did Ted Danson have, was he painting his hair

or was he? He must have been painting his hair. Was it Silver? It wasn't Silver, no. Yeah. Man, I love Ted Danson. What's going on with Ted Danson's hair?

Is there any independent confirmation of what the story is with Ted Danson's hair? Is it an Adam Dur of what the story is with Ted Danson's hair? Is it Adam Duritz-like wig? Is it a wig? Is it a tube? Is it plugs?

Sure. Does he just have amazing hair? Hard to say. It's thinner than it used to be. Are his eyebrows white? I can't remember his eyebrows right now. I don't think he has eyebrows. I think that's part of what makes him so magical.

He pencils them in like a 16-year-old Latina. Yeah. And he gets his picture taken with his friends. Man. I saw, God, I mean, I saw a dancing in a movie two weeks ago. I'm trying to remember his eyebrows. I can't believe that. That one with Macaulay Culkin?

He's in a movie with Macaulay Culkin? Even with dad? Yeah. This was a mumblecore movie. This is the one I love. So this is not a this is a modern

this is as I think the most recent Danson appearance. God, I've been watching Bored to Death for the second time through. Ted Danson on Bored to Death

is 11 out of 10 good. He is so fucking good on that show. He's just oh, I just want to marry him on that show. He's just, oh, I just want to marry him on that show. He's so amazing. There's this moment where he's got cancer.

Yeah. And he thinks it's his own fault. Jason Schwartzman's trying to convince him it's not his own fault. And he's sitting in this robe in the Maritime Hotel in New York overlooking the High Line. You know, porthole windows. I love that hotel. I've been in that hotel. It's wonderful.

Everything's gorgeous and themed. And his big, beautiful white robe and his big, beautiful white hair. And Schwarzman tries to tell him, you know, it's not your fault that you have cancer. And Danson just goes, I've been living like a demented god. It's like, oh, let's have sex right now, Danson just goes, I've been living like a demented god. It's like, oh, let's have sex right now, Ted Danson. Let's do this. Demented god me right now. Okay.

Anyway, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Mark your calendars for a brand new thing. The first ever Max Fun Week is coming up October 15th through 21st. Max Fun Week's all about celebrating the creativity and passion of our listeners. We'll have podcast crossovers, Q&As, behind the scenes tours, giveaways, and more. No fundraising, just awesome stuff for you. So tune into your favorite Max Fun shows, tell a friend about MaxFun, and check out

some new shows during MaxFun Week, October 15th through 21st. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, one. Do you want to try again? Okay. Okay. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm Harry Cundibow human. I did it again! Ah, I froze. It's funny because I'm looking at the piece of paper that you wrote. You wrote a quick note to yourself that says, I'm reading upside down, looks like it says

Godhead. Godhead. That's correct. You crossed out anti-monitor, too, I noticed. Should we try again? Yeah. One more time. All right, okay. It's Jordan, Jesse Go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. John Morse, boy detective. Hurricane Ebola, subhuman. I went down. Oh, no. I went down. You have to go higher. That's the wrong way.

Oh, man. How do you do it every time? I might suggest Nietzsche and Superman. Should we keep going at some point? How about Superman's pal, Jimmy Olsen? Hey, Bullseye Live, October 15th, here in Los Angeles. You got Dan Harmon. You got Sarah Watkins.

Great. You got Steve Agee. You got Andy Kind. Mm-hmm. You got Sarah Watkins. Great. You got Steve Agee. Mm-hmm. You got Andy Kindler. What? You got another interview guest to be announced. Mm-hmm. This is as good as it gets.

Sounds like a great show. And you got a little bit of my legs, a little bit of Joel's legs. Upside down. In a fun video. So the pants are sort of falling in a fun, captivating video. Specifically captivating. Mm-hmm. That's the adjective he'd use.

Captivating. It's at the Masonic Lodge at Hollywood Forever Cemetery. Very hip and beautiful venue. It's an actual Masonic Lodge in an actual cemetery. So buy your tickets now. You can find the link in the sidebar of MaximumFun.org under live. Under live. Can I coax the listeners to do something?

Yeah, please. I had a little part in a horror movie. It's called The ABCs of Death 2. A follow-up to the popular anthology movie The ABCs of Death. And this was directed by somebody we know, right? Yeah. This is Rodney Asher, who's a super cool guy, a great director. He made the

Room 237 documentary. I am in it with the... He was a guest on Bullseye. He was a fascinating guy. Yeah, I'm in it with the very... What's that called? The Shining. Yeah, great movie. And I'm in it with a very funny comedian, Jess Lane.

Jess Lane's great. Yeah, she's funny. So yeah, this is a very funny uh comedian uh jess lane um yeah we're playing's great yeah she's funny um so yeah this is a very it's very cool um i don't want to spoil anything but uh i do get mutilated in a way and i'm probably saying too much uh that's really cool you can actually get this on itunes or other vod stuff uh on thursday october 2nd and i 2nd and I think in Halloween it'll be in some theaters but you can get it on demand Thursday. Come on, get out there. Do it! How often is your friend Jordan in a movie? Basically never. He was in that one movie with Sandra Bullock that one time.

I was in a movie with Hilary Swank that has not been released yet. Yeah. Probably because it's bad. Yeah. But I play a cranky bartender. Were you in a movie with Sandra Bullock one time? I was in a Sandra Bullock movie. Oh no, which one? All About Steve? That's the one I was in.. Were you in a movie with Sandra Bullock one time? I was in a Sandra Bullock movie. Oh, no. Which one? All About Steve. That's the one I was in. What are you in that?

Are we both in that same movie? I can't believe you're in that movie. Yes, I'm in the protest scene. Really? Yes. I played crossword businessman. Do you still get checks for that shit? Yeah, $33 every year pretty much.

Yeah, basically. I remember I watched the film. No fucking way. Yeah, it was every year pretty much. Yeah, basically. I remember I watched the film. No fucking way. Yeah, it was such a bad movie. I remember they kept sending me like rewrites of the script. I didn't need it because I had like one little scene. It kept getting worse. Yeah.

It was so bad. And she's such an unlikable character because the whole thing. Yeah, she seems insane. Have you talked about this movie on the show at all? Not a ton. Not about the actual movie. Well, she basically plays this woman who makes crossword puzzles for the Sacramento Bee newspaper. And she falls in love with Bradley Cooper's character, Steve.

And so the next day, all the clues are about Steve. Sure. Hence the name of the film. All about Steve, yeah. And so I play this. And for some reason, it captivates a nation, what happens in this local newspaper crossword puzzle. Yes. So stupid.

And so I'm in the back of a car about to do newspaper crossword puzzle. So stupid. I'm in the back of a car about to do my crossword puzzle as a businessman and it's all clues about somebody I don't know and I say, this is bullshit. And that's how my career started. It's such a bad film and she's so unlikable that I watched it on opening day

in Seattle with my friends and it was like four of us and like 30 middle-aged women. And she falls into a pit in the earth during that film. And rescues a blind child. Right. But when she falls into the pit, the theater erupted in applause. That is how unlikable that character was. When you're applauding for your main character to fall in a pit.

Yes. Yes, it was awful. Yeah, very weird movie. Yeah. I'm Jesse Thorne. I'm here with the cast of All About Steve. The Five Line and Below crew. I can't believe you were in that movie.

Anyway, it's fun. It's a fun thing we share. When something momentous happens to you in our listening audience, we ask you to call us at 206-9844-FUN for our segment Momentous Occasions. We've got a couple of momentous occasions on tap right now. Sonny D., why don't you run one out there? Hello, Jordan. Hello, Jesse. Hello, guest. I'm calling with both a momentous occasion and a moment of shame on behalf of my lovely girlfriend of several years who currently lives several hours away from me right now she gave me the okay to call you but wishes to remain anonymous this guy's waiting on minefield right now her grandmother who lives in the same town as

her has at the request of my girlfriend driven to store, bought her some ice cream, and delivered it to her because my girlfriend was just diagnosed with her first flare-up of a latent case of herpes, and it is too painful for her to drive right now or do much of anything. I love my girlfriend, and I love her grandma. I'm also nominating her grandma for Grandmother of the Year. Thanks, guys. Oh, that took a surprising turn. The herpes?

Yeah, it took a long time to get anywhere, and then when it got somewhere, you couldn't believe it got there. Well, he had to give the five-minute buildup of smugness. Yeah, congratulations. You have a girlfriend. Yeah, congratulations. Whoa. Enjoy your sex girlfriend. Yeah, congratulations. Whoa. Enjoy your sex once a month or something. That was mean.

I shouldn't have snapped at him like that. That's okay. Anyways. It seems like you've had some problems with girlfriends in the past. Anyways. Even when things have been going right, you were having sex once a month? Yeah, once a month-ish. That seems about right.

I don't know, Jordan. Yeah. When the moon is full. I mean, to be fair, your herpes is pretty painful. It's insane. Yeah. I mean, oh, boy, I don't want to open up a can here. Is it oral or genital herpes?

Yeah, I want to know about, yeah. My genital herpes was so severe I couldn't drive. Boy, did she get the herpes elsewhere? I mean, I know herpes is one of those, you know, it can lay dormant for a while. I mean, is this guy finding out about infidelity, do you think? I mean, I know it can go a lot of different ways, but. Yeah, I mean, it can just catch it by surprise, I think. Because you can even, you can inherit it too, right?

From. From your parents. Yeah. Or from a damaged crystal. It's on two for one. May have herpes. Yeah. I don't know.

It seems like a good value to me. May have herpes or demon. I mean, I probably got herpes. Yeah. I'm a crystal buyer. So between those two things. Interesting. I just don't like how excited he was to talk about his girlfriend's herpes.

Yeah. She's suffering right now. Sure. Does she know he called? He said she gave permission. Yeah. But I didn't think she gave permission for that tone. No. I think that's what gave permission for that tone. No.

I think that's what it is. I think what happened is at the end he realized where he'd been driving the train all along. And then he tried to turn it. But the truth is, trains on tracks. You can't turn a train. Sure. You cannot turn a train. At the end he's like, oh, I love my girlfriend.

He's like, well, I'm already in goofball mode. I love my girlfriend. I love her grandma. but best grandma ever. I wasn't acting like a smug dick for the previous 90 minutes. I wonder what the ice cream was. Rocky Road. Maybe Rocky Road. Cookies and cream.

I had an interesting situation come up with my wife. cookies and cream i had an interesting situation come up with my wife uh my son uh got pushed by a tiny girl like the tiniest person in his class uh and uh fell over face first uh into a brick oh dear um had to get two stitches a hole um and uh meanwhile uh the nurse so the thing is they had to – it was horrible. They had to like strap him down because he's too young to not – to be trusted to not move around. How old is he? Three. And so anyway, he did a great job. He was very brave and he's all recovered now.

But the nurse told him about ice cream. He would get ice cream afterwards. It was fine with us. Sure. We have some ice cream. She told him – he said he wanted about ice cream. He would get ice cream afterwards. It was fine with us. Sure. We have some ice cream. She told him, he said he wanted chocolate ice cream. She said, what about Rocky Road ice cream? And my wife was not in her right mind because her son had just, you know, and called me and said, honey, you know, this is the situation. We just went to the hospital. Everything's going to be okay. Can you get some ice cream on the way home?

And I said, yes. And she said, the nurse told him he wants Rocky Road. But I think you should just get chocolate and marshmallows. And I'm like, why do you think she had chocolate and marshmallows? And she's like, well, I don't want this whole thing. And then he hates it. Mm-hmm. And then...

Yeah, because, I mean, nuts are typically something a little kid doesn't like, right? That's the ingredients of Rocky Road, marshmallow, chocolate, nuts? Yeah. In the end, I realized what was going on is my wife hates nuts. My wife hates nuts more than anything. And also wants the ice cream. In her... No, I don't think it was even, my wife is too benevolent for that.

Sure. I think what was going on is, in my wife's terror-addled mind, she had just transferred her distaste for nuts to all people. Uh-huh. That any, in any situation, everyone likes fucking Rocky Road ice cream. Right? I mean, as a kid, I would have preferred just the chocolate with the marshmallows. Really?

Yeah, totally. I don't like chocolate. So I like, to me, it tastes better with all the other stuff. You don't like chocolate? Ice cream, yeah. Chocolate ice cream. No, I like vanilla ice cream more. Yeah, no, it's, this might have destroyed my career.

People are not going to believe this from me. I know. I have a lot of strong stances about chocolate. But yeah, I don't like chocolate ice cream. I like vanilla more. My, it's funny. Yeah, I mean, I don't like chocolate. I just want to like vanilla more. It's funny. Yeah, I mean I think our parents' food tastes do trickle down.

My mom hates blue cheese and always just – when something had blue cheese on it and if we wanted to like order in a restaurant, she's like, no, you don't want that. Blue cheese is disgusting. Blue cheese is the fucking best. Yeah, no. Blue cheese is amazing. Yeah. I feel like it's all I eat now as an adult. I feel like I have something that I'm like, you, listen, you were a wonderful mother,

but I cannot excuse this blue cheese thing. You're a wonderful woman, Sharon Morris. Terrific. I feel like I can't have blue cheese on the left, because whenever I have blue cheese, I think about hot wings. Yeah. Automatically. What's the matter with that? Is that bad?

Well, I don't want everything that tastes like hot wings. Why not? It's great. Hot wings are really good. Yeah, but it ruins hot wings. Hot wings feel less special. I've just had hot wings eight times in a month because I had- Because they were on a peach or something.

You had hot wings eight times in a month? Man, that's a fucking double here. Oh, what a great month. Eight hot wings in one month? There's this corner by my house where Hot Wings restaurants keep opening and then going out of business. It's on its third Wings restaurant. Wow. Are these chains?

They don't change the name? They're local Wingeries. And every time I think, oh, great. Now there's a Hot Wings restaurant there again. I should go there and get some Wings. I love Wings. And then every time, by the time I actually get it together, I go, it's gone out of business. No, no.

But a new one will take its place. But a new one keeps taking its place. Why? Just like Ted Danson's. Yeah. When Becker dies, ink comes to life. Sure. I don't get why they don't just be like, switch to Thai food. Hey, let's try Thai food. Wings isn't working in this corner. Let's do Thai food.

I don't think it's the same people. And it's not the same storefront. It's just the same corner. So do people not know that the previous Wings place went out of business? Maybe they didn't do their due diligence. That's why it's so important as a business owner to do your due diligence. And they randomly pick Wings every time.

Do due diligence! Oh, wow. Gotta do due diligence. Why wouldn't you? And so is there one currently there? There's one there. Have you been? I haven't been yet. Got to support these wing places.

Jesse, this is on you a little bit. You think the problem is mostly that I haven't been there. I think that's fair. Well, I mean, you go and you tell the other people in the neighborhood about it and, you know. Get on some local blogs. Get on some local blogs. Get on some local blogs. Highland Park Today. Yeah.

It's an eagle rock. Eagle, the eagle rockist. That exists, right? Get on there. Tell people about the wings. I could go there with Eagle Rock's own Maria Bamford. Totally. I don't know how she feels about wings.

Tough to say. She seems a little bit like an orchid, a little delicate for wings. Yeah, maybe. Who should I bring to wings? You're not invited. Sorry. Sorry, I don't like you, Brian. Yeah.

Hari, you live in New York. I live in New York. I'm not the right guy for this. Oh. San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick. Oh, yeah. Does he live in the neighborhood? Me and Kap.

Me and Kap. I honestly don't know where he lives, but he probably lives in the neighborhood, right? Give him a call. I'm a big fan. Get some wings. I'll get his number. I'll call. Whose number do I have that would have Colin Kaepernick's number?

Former 49ers head coach George Seifert. I'll get George Seifert on the line. Well, I mean, can't this just be dinner for the family? I think kids love wings because they can choke on them. That's what kids love most about wings. And they're spicy. Yeah, right, exactly. My kids love anything spicy, anything they can choke on, and anything miniaturized.

These are great. Okay, excellent. Let's take our next call. Hey, Jordan, just to go. This is Derek in Middletown, New York. I am calling with a moment of occasion. I retrieved my girlfriend's offer from a thief. We were drinking at the bar in a little small town,

so it's just a few buddies of mine and myself. And the stranger came in, bought us some drinks, put some songs on, grabbed Samantha's wallet while we were distracted, and he ran out. So I chased him down, got the wallet back, and I didn't even have to punch him in the face. That's it. The end. That's good. Yeah. It's a little sexist, this call.

Sure. Sexism is the leitmotif of this week's calls. Yeah. this call. Sure. Sexism is the leitmotif of this week's calls. Yeah. Why are you accepting

drinks from a stranger? I don't know. That seems weird, right? It's a small town. Okay. I guess maybe I don't understand small town values. It's a small town.

You just got to defend a woman and accept drinks from a stranger. Those are the rules of a small town. So he kind of like suckered them in with all the free drinks,

got them a little drunk and then made the move. I mean, it seems like once you've bought everybody drinks and put songs on the jukebox,

you're down enough that like, you're really playing a dicey game with how much cash is going to be in that wallet. Now listen,

I enjoy the George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Oceans movies. They're a lot of fun. It seems like they're spending too much on these capers.

Yeah. How much do these guys make after they get the... That's funny. After they get the, you know, generator that can eradicate all of Las Vegas' power. Yeah. You're hiring the Chinese gymnast. Sure. You gotta

buy his flight, too. Yeah, you're hiring Bernie Mac to get a job there for a few months. Yeah. How much can you make off this? Well, I mean, Bernie Mac probably made good money there for a few months. Yeah. How much can you make off this? Well, I mean, Bernie Mac probably made good money working as a pit boss. That's true. You know what I mean? Yeah.

So there's that. But does he also have to be on the crew's payroll? Because he's making money as a pit boss, but he's also working for the crew. So does he also have a fee that he gets for – because he's doing reconnaissance. He's on the payroll of the crew. I thought you said the crew's payroll. Yeah. Because I think he's probably working as a cruise comic as well, right?

Sure. Totally, yeah. In between taking breaks. Yeah. Heading out from Las Vegas. Yeah. Along the Rio Grande. One of those classic Rio Grande cruise lines.

River cruise. See beautiful Ciudad Juarez. So, yeah, but I mean, yeah, I agree with you. Once you've bought a round of drinks and then played some – I mean, how much money is in a wallet these days? Yeah, I mean, I think $60 is in the wallet, but you're looking at $10 drinks. Sure. Ready cards. I guess he's buying – he's just buying well drinks.

Could be, yeah. I don't know if he's going premium. He's not putting Ciroc in these. Do you think he's just- Diddy's penis has been nowhere near these drinks. Buying everybody ginger ales? Could be. Yeah, could be.

Can I get a- Tap water's all around. Honda Club sodas and a new thing of pretzels. Yeah. New thing of pretzels for my friends here. Yeah, exactly. If you have a momentous occasion, call us at 206-984-4FUN. But not if it's sexist.

Hashtag Gamergate. Man. You know what I'm really worried about lately? Gamers. Nepotism in the gaming industry. Yeah. Oh, me too. It's a concern.

God. I'm going to act like an asshole because of it. You know what the biggest problem is? A lot of times people will review their nephew's game. Classic nepotism. Oh, absolutely. Classic nepotism. Anyway, 206-984-4FUN is our number.

Best thing to do, take out your phone right now, put the number in there, then you got it. You don't have to worry about it. Sure. Once you got it, you got it. Give us a call. You're not going to remember it when you need to remember it when you got severe oral herpes.

Mm-hmm. Your grandma's going out to get some ice cream. Do you think that they said she needs ice cream because she's sick or she needs ice cream because she has

a crippling case of herpes? I don't know. Yeah, I don't know what herpes... You mean like it would make it better like if you have... like you get your tonsils removed? Yeah. Huh.

Or do you think just like... Oh, you think it might be therapeutic ice cream? That's what... Yeah, that's what I thought you were asking. No, no. I'm asking if when they call grandma...

Like maybe it's like Activa? Number one, why didn't this asshole go get the fucking ice cream himself? Well, they're long distance. Oh, they are? Yeah. Well, Amazon Prime.

That's why I made the remark about him having sex once a month. Amazon Prime. Oh, okay. Amazon Prime. Oh, sure, yeah. It's done. Just get a drone to fly it in. Yeah, fucking fly that shit in.

Amazon Fresh Prime. Mm-hmm. Whatever that thing's called. I got that. Yeah. It's okay. You got the drones? You got the drones?

No, I got the thing where a van pulls up and brings you whatever you need. A van? That's not a drone. It's pretty good, but it's not as good as I wish it was. What do you want it to do? I want it to bring me the shit that's good that comes from local sources the next day instead of two days. Okay. Because it only brings me like Cheez-Its next day.

Right, right. Cheez-Its is good. I love Cheez-Its, but there's just only so many like wheat thins you can eat. You know what I mean? Just like the top 25. So it'll bring the wheat thins immediately,

but the Cheez-Its take two days? No, the Cheez-Its and wheat thins are, that's one day. Okay. That's one day service. You can schedule that for the next morning. Anytime you just specify a window.

Okay. But if you want to get a meatloaf from the Huntington Meats in the farmer's market of Los Angeles, I don't know what that is. That sentence kind of fell apart there. Yeah. If you want to get a Huntington Meats meatloaf mix, you're going to have to wait two days, which is kind of bullshit because I gave Amazon $200 to bring me shit the next day. Sure.

Well, you can watch all the Under the Dome special features. That's a good point. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, I've made it go up this time. Stay there. High status. Yay. Oh, God. I had an important lesson for my fellow millennials. I damned if I can remember what it is. Hmm. You know what it probably is? Remember to take your ginkgo biloba.

It's good for memory. There you go. Yeah. Well, we've had a lot of fun having you on the program, Hari. It was really fun to be here. Hari has a new stand-up comedy album called Waiting for 2042, which is an allusion to the year when whites will no longer be the majority. They will simply become the plurality in the United States of America. It's a delightful album. Hari is a brilliant stand-up comic.

He even thinks his album may be on the Amazon streaming service. I thought I saw something that said that if you had Amazon Prime, it's free. But look, you can go down to your local record store. Go down to the hippest fucking... Go down to the record store in your neighborhood that only sells cassette tapes. They're going to have it there because Hari's on Kill Rockstars. Hey, not bad. Not bad company.

I can feel a little credibility rubbing off on me. It's from being in the room. It feels good. I was just in Portland. We're on Matador, so we're not sweating. But the kids in Portland were very excited that it was on the record label. Yeah. Well, it's an exciting record label to be on.

It's a great record. People should go out and grab it. And, Hari, you're on the road a lot lately. Yeah, I've been touring a little bit. I got – Where are you headed? I'm in L.A. Los Angeles.

Right. The day after this drops, you'll be at the Troubadour. At the Troubadour. I'm doing the At Midnight TV program. Sure. That'll be on the TV. I'm honest. I don't care for that program.

Oh, boy. It's bad. Oh, boy. Well, I like the performers. The writing. Terrible. Yeah. Monday night.

That's the day this comes out. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They go on. Yeah. And the episode will air that night, right? They should watch it. Yeah, it'll be.

They should watch it. If you missed it, you didn't listen on the first day that this episode came out, you can watch it on ComedyCentral.com. That's totally on ComedyCentral.com. Yeah. And, yeah, then I'll go back to New York for a bit, and I'm shooting a movie in November. Is this all about Steve, too? Yeah.

Oh, fuck. They didn't ask me. I was really impressive in that one line. Who's the other star of All About Steve? Steven Weber? Yeah, Steven Weber. Steve Weber, Steve Guttenberg, and Steven Seagal. These are the three Steves she encounters.

Classic three Steves. One of the best things about that film is that because it was so bad, the studio didn't release it for a really long time. And they kind of sandwiched it between that proposal movie that was a surprise hit. And then what's the one that she won the Academy Award for? Blindside. Yeah. So they slipped it in the middle and it was also knowing that The Hangover was a huge hit.

So Bradley Cooper was in it. Yeah. Because I remember shooting that and then it just not coming out. Right. And then they knew it was a dud. Yeah. Yeah. And then all of a sudden Bradley Cooper got really famous and like Sandra Bullock like

had these two films kind of before and after. And so you would see Bradley Cooper on these like late night shows being very unhappy that he was there. Yeah. I think everybody thought it would just go direct to DVD. Right. Like, hey, now that both of you are famous, we're going to put out this bad movie you were in. And you're contractually obligated to promote it. Yeah.

But it was like he would have a great interview and then they'd mention the film and you would see his face drop every time yeah I don't know you can go see it or whatever right we're probably gonna make eight more Hangover movies so we'll just wait for those

you should just watch Wet Hot American so I'm in that too yeah Hari Kondabolu it's been a joy to have you on the program thank you

thank you Jordan I'm gonna one last time remind people in Southern California to come out to the Bullseye Live show and if you're not in Southern California tell your friends to come out to the Bullseye Live show we don't sell tickets to the Bullseye Live show. And if you're not in Southern California, tell your friends to come out to the Bullseye Live show. We don't sell tickets to the Bullseye Live show here in Los Angeles.

We shan't be going on tour. But if we do sell tickets to the Bullseye Live show here in Los Angeles, we shan be going on tour. What does shan mean? MC Shan. Oh, sure. From the Juice Crew. Oh, okay. Yeah.

He sounds great. Oh, he. Yeah. He sounds great. Oh, he is. One of the greats. Golden era. 206-984-4FUN or JJGo at MaximumFun.org. We have been all over the Facebook lately. Yeah. Lots of great stuff, not just on our Facebook page, but also on the new Maximum Fun Facebook group.

Oh, get in there. Yeah, get up in there. We just hit, we've been open for a week. We got 1,000 people in there. Awesome. People are posting a fun thing. Fun, facts. Comment, where do you hear about Jordan, Jesse, go, whatever.

I don't know. I'd like to hear that. It's fun. It's a fun conversation. It seems fun. MaxFun Reddit, reddit.com slash r slash Maximum Fun. It's a great subreddit for utilizing the excellent interface of Reddit with none of Reddit's legendary semi-legal activity.

Yeah, no upskirts. Yeah, nothing. Not a single upskirt. Nothing immoral or amoral is going on in the Maximum Fun subreddit. It is a bullshit free zone. And, of course, on the forum at forum.maximumfun.org. It's still popping off. Sure.

Have some fun there. Pop, pop. Ciroc. Sure. You guys know what I'm talking about. Brian Fernandez, Sonny D, our producer. Great to have you back on the boards over there, Brian. I apologize that I was sick last week.

I apologize I got to go to a wedding next week. Oh, boy. You know, but Jordan's a better host than I got to go to a wedding next week. Oh, boy. You know, but Jordan's a better host than I am, let's be honest. Yeah. He's the one with the talent. Sure. I'm just the one with his own podcast network. Yeah, he's the one who knows how to turn on the microphones.

Anyway, I should be doing something I'm better at, like writing jokes for Chris Hardwick. Sure. You know, because I don't know who he's got writing jokes for him right now. They're bad. Just kidding. I'm just kidding. Have you seen it? It's a fucking great show.

So much fun. It's such a delightful program. It is. Okay. And Jordan's a big part of that. We'll be back next week on Jordan and Jessica. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture.

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