Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 346: Boot Candy with Travis McElroy

Episode Date: October 13, 2014

Travis McElroy from My Brother, My Brother and Me joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Jesse's recent showdown at a wedding, Travis's move across the country, and current and future "dad" music.

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. A little bit too warm in Los Angeles. There's your weather report for folks taking notes at home. Write that down. Now you've got a note of what Jesse said the weather was in Los Angeles. Do you think people do keep logs of that? Like huge fans of the show have the episode title, guests, and then weather? Well, I think, yeah.

I mean I think what they do, they probably have some kind of shorthand system. Okay, sure. So like there's a little symbol that means Asterios Coconus. Sure, yeah. It's like a hobo code. Yeah, exactly. Don't worry. It's safe here hobo code. Yeah, exactly. Don't worry. It's safe here.

Dave Holmes is on this episode. Right. Dave Holmes is here, and this farmer's wife will fuck you. Unrelated. Yeah. Unrelated. I mean, if you were a farmer's wife, why not fuck a hobo, right? Yeah, it's fun.

They're probably great lovers. What else is there in your life besides- Millet. There's millet. Churning. There's slopping the pigs. And then every once in a while you fuck a hobo. Sounds like fun to me.

I bet hobos are voracious lovers. Voracious? Yeah. Like, have you seen a hobo devour a pie that's been sitting on a windowsill? Just think about that enthusiasm transferred onto a vagina. Right? Yeah. Talk about a pie on a windowsill, huh?

Am I right? I gotta get it. I gotta get it. That hot, steaming clitoris. Gotta get it, that hot, steaming clitoris. The little pie lines waft off it, and it picks them up into the air. And then they fly over to the clitoris. Mmm, savory.

Okay. Yeah. Jeez, Louise. Anyways, we would like to see your hobo code that you have for the show. Oh, also, you know, when you're not here, I don't do the weather. I don't want to, like, you know, step on your toes. That's sort of my thing. Yeah, yeah.

I'm known as the weatherman. Sure. That's what they call me. Yeah, I don't do the weather. By the way. I don't do the weather. You don't say, that's a spicy meatball. That's my catchphrase. Have you seen the film, based on my life, The Weatherman, starring Nicolas Cage?

Yeah. I'm sorry they didn't let you play yourself. Number one. Number two, they took some liberties. Yeah. You know what I mean? What was different? I guess I haven't seen the movie.

Out of respect for you. Well, it's been a while since I saw it. And honestly, by about 15 minutes in, I was blind with rage. Number one, they did not license my life story. Oh, boy. Number two, they claim in this film that I was an arms dealer, an international arms dealer, when in fact, I'm a public radio host and podcaster. Yeah.

Well, I mean, arms dealer is sexier. Yeah. It's Hollywood. You know, Arms Dealer is sexier. Yeah. It's Hollywood, you know? You've got to have a little zazz, a little glamour. I've done a little voiceover work. Okay. They could have put that in if they wanted sexy. Sure.

All I'm saying is if they wanted sexy, they could have put in that time. They could have, yeah. I responded to an advertisement on Craigslist and recorded a bunch of English language phrases for a Japanese English language learner's exam. Ooh, it's getting hot in here. Yeah, I know, right? I feel like I'm a hobo with a nose as length of a vagina. That's how steamy that was.

Let's introduce our guest on the program. He is, of course, one of MaximumFun.org's greatest talents. Let's say top 20. 20-ish? 25. Yeah. Top 25. Top 25 talents on air.

The top 40 under 40. He's one of the top 40 talents under 40. I'm 42. Oh, well, then you ain't shit. But you look great. Thank you. Honestly, you look good. Thank you.

For 42. It's clean living. He's one of the hosts of My Brother, My Brother and Me. He is, in fact, one of the titular brothers, Travis McElroy. Hi, Travis. Hello. Hello, Jordan, Jesse. Thank you for saying hi to each of us individually.

Sometimes people will just give a blanket hello, and I feel a little bit slighted. Now, Travis, you recently moved to Los Angeles from the Cincinnati area. That is correct. Did someone send you a memo that said that when you head out west you have to wear cowboy boots with giant sheriff stars on them?

I believe you're talking about my boot candy. And this is an everyday occurrence. These are the only shoes I own. I have these and I have a pair of black cowboy boots that were my wedding shoes. Can you go a little deeper

into the phrase boot candy? So you know you have your boot. Your common boot. And someone might look at it and go, ah, boot, right? Nothing to write home about. But then you slap some boot candy on there. Oh, okay. And it's a thing.

It's like a boot bling, if you will, but that sounds silly. So this is... It's not as respectable as boot candy. That's a very dignified phrase. It's very manly. You got your six gun, your 10-gallon hat, and your boot candy. What I'm looking at here is a burgundy boot. Mm-hmm.

And it does have some tone-on-tone embroidery. Mm-hmm. And it does have some tone-on-tone embroidery. Mm-hmm. And some swollen areas. It's a phoenix, in case you guys were wondering. I was, thank you. It represents the way that you aspire to rise from the lows that you're currently in. Mm-hmm.

Which is to say the podcasting industry. The ashes that are the podcasting industry. And then on there you have strapped under your heel and to the back of your ankle and your forefoot is a strap that has

how many sheriff stars are we looking at? One for every sheriff I've killed. So three. Three on each. Three on each. So is that a total of six sheriffs or do you just I killed the same one six times? Oh, OK. Wow. Was this a cat sheriff? He's coming back three more times. I've got news for you. The sheriff of Pussy Town. Wow.

So how do you how are you? Travis, the audience can't see your mugging. I got to make my mugging noise then. Ah. There you go. I think they can envision the mug. For people listening at home, Travis froze like the credits were about to roll in a 90s sitcom, and they would roll over this face that he was making. 90s sitcom?

I'm going to say 80s sitcom. No, you're right. That's probably closer. Mid-80s sitcom, right? Yeah. Mm-hmm. 1982 to 1987. Like a facts of life.

That was actually my signature sitcom move when I was on sitcoms in the 80s. Oh, really? What sitcoms were you on? You were on multiple sitcoms in the 80s. Yes, I was on Facts of Life. I was on Night Court. Mm-hmm. Right. And then I was on Night Court again, and then I was on Day Court. Day Court? Mm-hmm.

It was a spin-off that didn't do well. They decided not to call that court. Yeah. There was also Midday court and brunch court. There was also squash court. Brunch court's great because of the mimosa. Bottomless mimosa. Bottomless mimosa.

Who was my favorite character on the show. He was an elf from another dimension. It was a great gazoo situation. I want to take this opportunity to thank you for the yeoman's work you've done, filling in as host of this program for two of the last three programs. Yep. As I have been out of town, I went to a cowboy boot wedding. Then I went to a funeral.

And I was also ill. It's been a real fucking disaster of three weeks. Yeah, sounds like a roller coaster. At the wedding I went to. You called it a cowboy boot wedding. Is that, that wasn't just

to reference Travis's boots, but you went to another cowboy boot wedding? My wife, yes. My wife was a bridesmaid at this wedding. It was her childhood best friend. Sure. Wonderful woman.

And a horse enthusiast. Okay. And so they wore normal- Does she keep and ride horses or does she just like stickers? Her name is Lisa Frank. Okay. No, she keeps horses. Okay.

And rides them. Steeplechase? Gallop? Trot? Probably a trot and horse. Yeah, dressage? It's the kind of race where you sit down right on the horse. Makes your blood boil, I should say.

Yeah, yeah. So at this wedding, my wife had to wear, the rule was she had to wear like a khaki-colored dress or a tan dress or an off-white dress above the knee and cowboy boots. Wow. Listen, I am not a fashion play, but even I know khaki-colored dress above the knee and cowboy boots. Wow. Listen, I am not a fashion play, but even I know khaki-colored dress sounds terrible. So my wife had one. It was lovely. We had to get it hemmed above the knee. Sure.

But that was fine. Yeah. But then came the discussion. That's an interesting choice. I mean, maybe I just don't know a lot about bridesmaidingiding but telling the bridesmaids where the dresses had to go to. Yeah. It seems like that should be on a bridesmaid to bridesmaid basis. Well, especially to make sure that the hems are high enough.

Sure. That's the part that surprised me. Were they just concerned that the wedding wouldn't be fun and flirty enough? Good question. Like they were worried that it would be too much of an evening wedding and not enough of a cocktail wedding. Okay. Is my best guess. But what if one of them has weird knees?

I know. Well, what are you going to do? What if one of them has a prosthetic leg? My wife who has beautiful knees is convinced she has weird knees. And so she doesn't... Thanks, media. Thanks, Vogue magazine with your unrealistic

airbrushed knees and furthermore I think Lena Dunham's knees look great and if she wants to show them off I say let her. They're untraditional knees but you know what I think that they're great because they're real thank you, thank you

you all started applauding can I say something Jordan? real women have knees I think that they're great because they're real. Thank you. Thank you. Uh-huh. You all started applauding. Can I say something, Jordan? Yeah. Real women have knees. Yeah, exactly. It's not about the leg gap. You know what I mean?

Most people just want to see a thigh to calf and nothing in between. Yeah. Anyway, hashtag Gamergate. Keep going. This barn. this barn this I'm so glad Jordan that you have been using our show as a way to stand up to nepotism

in the game I just feel strongly about it isn't it awful when like brothers get jobs for other brothers yeah it's terrible

it's the worst the worst the worst especially if it affects a review of Shadow of Mordor so um we had that that was. So, we had that.

That was covered. Yeah. Because we had this. She had the dress. My wife says to me, I got to get this dress. I said, you have this beautiful dress. Sure. It would be suitable.

I'm wearing it now. We'll just get it hemmed above the knee. Okay. She said, great. Sounds like you handled that situation. No cowboy boots, though. Yeah. She's not a cowgirl.

No. She's a simple ranch hand. No cowboy boots, though. Yeah. She's not a cowgirl. No. She's a simple ranch hand. We had to get engaged. We had to engage in a complex negotiation to make it acceptable for my wife to wear riding boots instead of cowboy boots. Okay. Was this like something she had to put in writing and get it like notarized, say, I'm looking to change the bridesmaid outfit slightly? We got it notarized for safety's sake. Sure.

It's always better to have the notarization you want to witness when you sign any agreement or document just so everybody knows it's, you know. On the up and up. Exactly. Somebody's got a thumbprint in a special book. It's also a nice excuse to visit a shoe repair store where they also sell Yu-Gi-Oh cards. Yes. Exactly.

So, wait. Did she already have the riding boots? So she did have – I had once purchased her a pair of riding boots. Mm-hmm. And so she had some riding boots. Got it. So – Not for – just as a –

No. Okay. I'm doing fucking hell. No. Absolutely not. Just as a. No. I'm fucking out. No. Absolutely not. I'm sorry. I think Teresa's wanting to get new hobbies. No.

OK. So I think if she wants to ride horses she can. Sorry I don't like to keep women in boxes where they have to stay off horseback. Thank you. And if Lena Dunham wants to ride a horse through Brooklyn naked, I think she should be able to. I agree. I think she's a really talented woman. She's very talented.

And you know what? I don't think those people that opened for her deserve to get paid. Me either. What are you doing, juggling? Who cares? I don't care. I think they signed up for it. That's fine. Everything's fine. I don't think it's fine. Lena Dunham's great. Yeah. I don't think it's fine. Alina Dunham's great.

Yeah. So, yeah, so this wedding was in a barn. I think there's a law that all weddings have to be in barns now. Was it an active barn or like a redesigned barn? Like were there horses in the barn? During the wedding? During the wedding. Just pooping and winning?

Or did they make them stand outside and look in? Looks like a nice wedding. It was like an Airbnb situation. The money was good enough for the horses that they were willing to go stay at their friend's barn for a couple nights. It was a little tight, but it was worth it. I agree with you. I feel like the theme of all modern weddings is, what if Mumford and Sons planned a wedding? Yes.

We had to say... Mason jars? Tell me what was in Mason jars at this wedding. Okay, I'm going to put that. There was mixed drinks in Mason jars. There were custom Mason jars. They were custom

Mason jars with handles that said their names and the date of the wedding. It had a picture of the Golden Gate Bridge. They're lovely people. I'm sure they're great. This was my sister's wedding, too, by the way. My sister's wedding was definitely Mumford and Sons-esque.

So was Griffin's. Oh, my God. It was Griffin's. Oh, I bet. I believe it. It was in a barn in Austin. It's fashionable. It's fashionable, and girls get to plan the wedding, and girls like-esque. So was Griffin's. Oh, my God. So was Griffin's. Oh, I bet. I believe it. It was in a barn in Austin. It's fashionable. It's fashionable and girls get to plan the wedding and girls like this stuff.

Jordan, to be fair, your sister has deep roots in rural Mission Viejo, California. Sure. Exactly. She's always been- Working the land, tilling the soil. And when I think Griffin McElroy, I think barn. These are what I call barn folk. Sure. Real barn types. Real salt of the soil. And when I think Griffin Magaray, I think barn. These are what I call barn folk. Sure. Real barn types.

Real salt of the barn. And you know what? They're fucking fun. These are... You know, some of this stuff is silly, but it's really fun when you're there. So I get it. I don't think this is... 90 degrees. Yeah. And we're in this barn.

I don't need to tell you guys this. It's not an air-conditioned barn. No. Not one of those upscale metropolitan barns. Fewer and fewer barns are getting air conditioning at all these days. And those that do, well, they're a porous mess. Sure. It's very difficult to maintain.

You don't see nearly enough insulation. sure is very difficult you don't see nearly enough insulation so the bride came in on a beautiful horse she was wearing a regular wedding dress on a horse it was a legitimately beautiful horse she was riding side saddle she She appeared. Everyone applauded. She trotted up on the horse. Everyone applauded. She got off the horse. Everyone applauded. Then she made the horse do a trick using

a carrot. And everyone applauded. The whole time I felt very uncomfortable. Because you believe in horses' rights? No, because... You don't think horses should be dominated by man? I just don't think horses should be shoehorned into things. It's a non-horse event.

So you're fine with them at polo. Yeah. They didn't meet. They're not like... She loves horses. Sure. And she has a horse riding career. But it wasn't part of her...

It wasn't part of their relationship. No, he doesn't like horses. Sure. And she has a horse ride in Korea. But it wasn't part of her. It wasn't part of their relationship. No, he doesn't like horses. That's why he didn't ride in on a horse. He just was there. He's her husband of Centaur. No. Okay. He's a simple Hydra.

He's a simple backwoods Hydra. I'm already thrown off enough when people have dogs in their wedding and they do the dog ring bearer because the dog doesn't know what's going on. There was a dog in the wedding, too. He also got an applause break. This seems like an easy crowd. So these animals probably got more applause than the groom did. Yeah. What did the dog do?

He brought in a ring. Okay. His name is Chunk. He's a fat bulldog. That sounds like fun. That part was fun. See, I don't mind a dog bringing in a ring. Although, I am deeply ambivalent about any irreverence in a wedding context.

Yeah. I'm okay with irreverence in a wedding party. At a ceremony. At the ceremony, you want it to be... Reverent. Of God. Well, no, I want, at the very least, to be reverent of God. Well, no, I want at the very least to be reverent of

love and partnership. Okay. That's what I think. Sure. If there's going to be, if something funny is going to be said, it shouldn't be a joke. It should be... A pratfall. It should be physical comedy. Well, I mean, I was, I mean,

I figured whoopee cushion. Yeah. Like, if there was four whoopee cushions, and everybody has to stand up, the whoopee cushion, that's fine. Sure. I don't like an irreverent wedding. And I just want everyone to, like,

it's so serious. It's serious. Weddings are important sure there is one kind of laugh that i will am willing to accept and that's like a sweet gentle knowing laugh that you get from the crowd it's about like uh a funny shared thing that happened to the couple that's related to the crowd not like a they'll be divorced in a year. No. This won't last. This is a shame. The baby's not his.

And not, as in my cousin's wedding, just like a whole part about USC versus UCLA. Like, that doesn't, that's a fine thing to be invested in. I enjoy a good sports rivalry myself. But it doesn't, in my mind, meet the standard for inclusion in the wedding. Boy, I went to my cousins and they are Aggies. And there was a lot of that stuff. They did not like the Texas Longhorns? No. Were they Longhorns

that didn't like the Aggies? I don't know. Anyway, something. Somebody didn't like somebody. Based on college football. I'm not against that happening. In the wedding, it seems like an inopportune moment. I think, you know, it seems like everyone, like, these are just nods to make, you know, not making it generic. I think you can feel like you're just having everybody else's wedding.

And it seems like these are nods to, like, this is ours. We're putting our stamp on it. Here's my feeling. You don't feel like you're just doing one of these weddings out of a wedding book. I feel like. You know, these wedding books. Yeah. Like the Bible.

Yeah, the Bible. One of those wedding books. So my feeling about it is that the idea that this is your day is overrated. Yeah. I think that a really important part of weddings that is underappreciated is that you are making a commitment before your community. That you are essentially – or whether you believe in God. And if you believe in God, then you're doing it before God. But at the very least, you're doing it in front of your closest friends and family members.

You're saying – And some of your closest horses. Yeah. You're involving them in this commitment that you're making to each other. And in effect, you're also making a commitment to that community. And in effect, you're also making a commitment to that community. And I just feel like if everyone wears a fucking Darth Vader mask, you know what I mean? Sure.

Now, that is what I did at my wedding. So what? What do you feel about that? Travis, did you do? I feel like if everyone wears a Darth Vader mask, then you're likely to grow up to be a great guy and a great podcast. Thank you. I actually – This is a child wedding, by the way. That's why I said grow up to be.

You can ask my wife. I treated our wedding like it was my quinceañera. It was all about me. It was my coming out party. And it was pretty much all kind of revolved around me and my wife to some extent. Did you wear a tiara? I did not. But I wanted an entrance just like my wife got but I didn't get that.

So yeah I guess tell me what little touches did you guys put in yours? Well like we had ours at a theater because we both do like theater and so that was very important to me. I didn't want to have it at a church. Not that there's anything against that but it just felt very cookie cutter and like people do it there because they're supposed to as

opposed to the people who do it there because they want to. We had fried chicken as our main dish. That sounds good. And that's my favorite food. And rather than wedding cake, we had cheesecake. And to serve to everybody, we did cheesecake bites so that everybody could just eat them off of platters rather than having a big cake that we cut. So far, I'm on board with all of them. Yeah, this sounds great.

None of these are particularly ridiculous. Fried chicken, cheesecake. Yeah. And I mean, our wedding was one of those things. And like our friend officiated and like we had different elements from different ceremonies like thrown in. We had like the, you know, the wine stomping and stuff like that. And it was like, okay, great. We're going to like do whatever we want. And it's about us. The wine stomping?

Yeah. You know where you drink out of the glass? You mean like where you take grapes? Yeah. We made wine. It took forever. It was the longest wedding. We all stared at it while it fermented.

It was pretty funny when you fell out of that vat. When you were on the local news and you ate shit. It was pretty great. It did make it memorable. And then everybody got a clip of it to take home. Oh, great. to take home. Oh, great.

The real, like, it was a beautiful, it was a beautiful, it was a beautiful party, particularly in Muir Beach, California, which is a real beautiful coastal community in Northern California. And the food was wonderful.

Both the groom and bride had worked in the food industry, in the food service industry, restaurants. What's the most popular way to prepare horse? Well, there's horse tartare, right? Tartare is a popular way to prepare horse. Were the vows horse-themed at all? Because that's always my biggest fear.

Horses came up several times in the ceremony and it made me feel weird. My love for you will be unbridled. Basically, yeah. Yeah. And these are wonderful people. I'm happy to be saddled with you forever. Yeah, but it is one of those things where it's like everyone should be as into my hobby as I am. Also, it's a weird rich person hobby.

So, yeah. So, but the... It's like, yeah, it's like... The weirdest thing that happened during the course of the thing was not horse related at all. I had come to accept, because the truth is, Teresa's friend, she works as an equine therapist. It's a very important part of her life and always has been. And as much of a rich person's hobby as it is,, as much as I resent that, it's fine.

You know, the one thing that really went down at the wedding was, okay, so it's in this like, it's a community center, but it's a very rich, tiny towns community center. So it's like a beautiful, if you imagine a beautiful cabin that happens to be on the side of a cliff that overlooks a secluded beach. Okay. And there's maybe – I'm going to say this was like a hundred-ish person wedding, you know, a small to medium-sized wedding. And so there's maybe 12 tables of six to ten. And I'm there and there's only a couple of folks that I know there. A good friend of ours from high school, his new wife who's Italian. I hadn't met her yet.

They recently got married in Italy. We couldn't go. Was she nice? She was wonderful. Hot-blooded? Yeah, very fiery. Always trying to put more meatballs on your plate? Sure.

Spicy ones specifically. Spicy. Don't. I won't.. Yeah, very fiery. Always trying to put more meatballs on your plate. Sure. Spicy ones, specifically. Spicy. Don't. I won't. That's your thing. I know you wanted to. That's your thing. Okay.

I'll say it later in the show. So my wife is off doing bridesmaid things. And my wife's other best pal from childhood, they were sort of a three-way best friend from childhood, is sitting at a table with my friend from high school and his wife. And so at this table there, it's a six-seat table, three seats open, three seats spoken for. Two of the chairs are tilted over. I walk over. I'm like, huh, why is this chair tilted over?

You know what I'm talking about? Leaned against the table. Sure. I wonder what this is about. And I'm like, is this where the bride and groom are going to sit? And we look, and no, they have a seat like up on a dais. Are these chairs reserved for ghosts? Are these like the family chairs?

I mean, no, there's a family table. Are they out of commission? So we think maybe this is just a weird thing. So I sit down. So we think maybe this is just a weird thing. So I sit down. And eventually this sort of middle-aged man in a blousey linen shirt comes up to me. And he says, oh, are you sitting there?

And I said, yeah. Yes. Yes. My butt is on this chair. So yes. And he said, oh, my wife and I were going to sit there. And I said, oh, okay. And I was confused at this point because the table had two open seats.

And so I said, yeah, well, right here. And he said, yeah, well, we had turned over that chair. And I said, okay, well, I mean, I'm just talking to my friends. It's a long time till dinner. And if you guys want to sit down, there's two seats here. They left. Like the wedding? No, they left to the other side of the room quite huffily.

Sure. I thought, well, maybe I should have offered to switch sides of the table. Sure. So that the two seats that were open would be the exact two seats. Did you have a tone? Well, he certainly had a tone. Did you have a toad? I had like a fun-loving smirk.

Okay. Just like Travis at the end of Decor. I was not. He did it again. I was – Thank you. From the very start, I was amazed that this man was trying to engage me on this issue. Sure. I guess I don't get what – I don't understand what he thought went wrong.

He thought that I sat in his seat that he had saved by tilting it. Was it like a prime seating location? Was it like inches from the buffet? No, there was plenty of seats elsewhere. And there was two seats at the same table that I was sitting at. They were wide open. So this was like perfect view of the bride and groom. Perfect view of like the mountain.

I've got everything here. Otherwise, wholly unremarkable seat. So why did he have to say that? It would have been very difficult for us to ghost to another table of six and find one where there were so few people sitting there that all four of us, plus my wife, could sit down. And so they had seen these chairs, leaned them, said, now we're just going to meander around for 20 minutes. But when we get back, I'm looking forward to this chair. So this guy walks over to his wife and they have a little kibitz and they're giving us the stink eye big time. Meanwhile, I'm thinking, what are they going to do?

Call the wedding police? You know, so I'm sitting there in this chair. So I see them giving me the stink eye. So I look at them and I smile. And there's stink eye even further. Look at them happy in our seats. So they end up sitting at a different table with some other old people.

Again, I can't emphasize how puffy this man's white linen shirt was. Yeah, is this going to come into it later? Or are you just trying to paint a picture? I just want to paint a picture of a middle-aged man from Marin County, California, wearing a puffy white linen shirt, tight jeans, and loafers.

It was like as puffy as, you know the puffy shirt episode of Seinfeld? Yes. I can't legitimately claim that there were frills on the shirt. There were no frills. But there were spiritual frills. Yes. Similar puff factor. The puff was similar.

Yes. Yes. Similar puff factor. The puff was similar. Yes. So eventually, eventually, I'm talking about maybe 45 minutes later, we get up and go get in line for the buffet. This is our buffet time. And the old guy and his wife go like this.

Huh? And then I can see them from the buffet line. I can see the old guy making the come on, come on, come on motion to his old people friends. Yeah.

And so while we're in the buffet line, they fill this table with old people that we had been sitting at. Wow. So they were mobilizing. They were mobilizing.

And then they went and got their dinner and shifts to protect the table. Oh, man. You guys got fucked. That's awesome. Wow. Then you should have just sat on the ground. That would have been funny.

Or just leaned over and gone, I farted in that chair. Yeah. But, I mean, you know, like. We got the last laugh, though. We got a beautiful table out on the patio. And you slashed their tires. That's so funny.

I tried to stab him, but my blade kept going through the shirt and touching nothing. Right. It's his only defense. Yeah. But I mean, you know,

I guess that's like, you know, if you're an older person at a wedding, you know, it's, you know, you socialize, you chat. But, you know, maybe it's like, yeah, you don't have. Oh, hey, I'll get fucked up and try to rail a bridesmaid. You know, like you don't have those types of things. You're with your long time wife. All you have is pettiness.

So, yeah, you got to find. And a nice cabernet sauvignon. And a nice cabernet. So you got to find- And a nice cabernet solving. And a nice cabernet. So you got to find something to fill the rest of the evening. Maybe you're not a dancer. Maybe you don't like popular music. The time between now and 11 when you're planning to blow some rails. There you go.

Just to feel again. Yeah. Sure, just to feel something. Just to remember what the 70s were like. Constantly chasing that Studio 54 high. At every wedding you go to. Maybe this will be the one. I used to work in the music industry.

That's what this guy would have said to me. Oh, man, you know this guy used to work in the music industry. He managed a Sam Goody. So, you know, maybe it's fun. It's like getting your own – I'm trying to think of that movie where those guys try and sneak out of that World War II camp. Magnificent Seven. That's a cowboy movie.

Ocean's Eleven. What am I thinking of? Anyway. Ocean's Eleven. Ocean's Eleven. You gather your old person, Ocean's Eleven. Oh, you're thinking of the Fantastic Four. There you go, the Fantastic Four.

You have a stretchy old man, his invisible wife, and a rock man. And you take over somebody's table. It's fun, you know? Well, the thing is, is like at the beginning of this wedding, I was so hot. It was so hot outside during this wedding. You know, it's 90, 95 degrees. And you got that additional horse heat. My favorite team, the San Francisco Giants, were in the playoffs.

And we're in this place where there's no cell phone reception. So I had no idea. It turned out they were playing an 18-inning playoff game that they won in the 18th. I missed the entire thing. Had no idea what was going on the whole time. And so by the end of the ceremony, I was just a little beat. Sure. But, you know, I went to this reception.

I had some of the really lovely food. And I didn't let this guy harsh my mellow. Nah, you can, I went to this reception. I had some of the really lovely food. And I didn't let this guy harsh my mellow. Nah, you can't do that. So you won. You won. I won because he spent his whole wedding party. Mobilizing a group of elderlies. To mad dog me.

To swarm a table. Then swarm a table. Man, I wish I could have been at that table while he was like spreading the story to everyone else. Like, so here's what happened. I was going to sit there, but then this other guy did. Fuck him, right? We're going to take that table. I was so happy because I was like.

And this guy had a look on his face when the horse came in. He didn't seem to appreciate the horse as much as everyone else. He only applauded three times. Yeah. came in. He didn't seem to appreciate the horse as much as everyone else. He only applauded three times. I was sitting at that table while that guy was mad-dogging me thinking, I'm a 33-year-old man. I'm grown up. I have two children

and a beautiful wife. I'm happy to be in this beautiful place with my wife's childhood friend and join the company of some old pals. I don't need any bullshit. I'm just going to let it wash on past. Meanwhile, what this guy said was, oh, look at that bullshit.

I'm going to dive into that. I'm an old man. I got nothing left. I'm going to rub that bullshit all over myself like it was soap and I was taking a super fast shower so I felt like I won I was proud of myself as I sat out there

on the veranda looking out at the beautiful view of the bonfires down on the beach eating my prime rib delicious prime rib by the way there you go might have been a beef tenderloin but in fact

it was either a delicious prime rib or a terrible beef tenderloin either way you're eating a damp meat it was definitely

a soggy protein of some kind having a little conversation about what the what the nicest city in Italy is.

I was ruling school. Is there a time when you were more filled with pith and vinegar? Now, Jordan, we've established on this program that pith and vinegar is not a saying. I enjoy saying it. Okay. Okay, continue. Yeah. And I welcome all it. Okay. Okay, continue. Yeah. And I welcome all corrections.

Okay. Anyway, when you were a hot-headed young man with nothing to lose, is there a time when you would have engaged this guy more? In fisticuffs. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I would have engaged him in verbal sparring rather than gentle smiling. A harsh ta-ta-tat. Yeah, for I knew

that it was I who was full of life force. It was I whose shirt fit. Well tailored. It was I who knew not to wear blue jeans to a wedding. He had to have sat down and been very disappointed. He's sitting across for 45 minutes like, when I sit down, oh, it's going to be sweet.

And then he sat down at the table and it was just like the other table. He's like, I've wasted my life. What have I done? I'm going to go blow some rails. Travis, do you not have sneakers? You don't have tennis shoes? I have a comfortable athletic walking shoe. Okay.

It's covered in paint. Okay. So it's not for fancy occasions like this. Yeah. Yeah, for podcasts. Yeah, I don't wear it to black tie events, like podcast events. Sure.

But I do. I own a sandal. Travis, how did you come to wear cowboy boots all the time? Well, pretty much the classic way. I was in Annie Get Your Gun. And wore a pair of cowboy boots and found them very comfortable and just kept wearing them.

And then I went to school in Oklahoma, and it pretty much fit in there, and then I just kept doing it. Like most people my age, I kind of started doing it ironically and then found that I actually really enjoyed it, and so then didn't stop, much like people who love the music of Billy Joel. That's like me in my rainbow wig. Exactly.

Started out as a fun goof for baseball games, but I don't know. I just feel like me in it, you know? I feel the same way about my merkin. Yeah. It was ironic. Look at this thing. Look how hairy my bush is. Look how hairy my bush is.

Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, those 70s. Burt Reynolds. Right? Come on. Then one day, just like, but it does. It's a pretty hairy bush. In fact, it keeps it nice and warm and comfy down there.

It's pretty nice. You don't want to have a cold bush. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. I listen to Bullseye to be cooler and more cultured than the people who don't know about Bullseye yet. Of course, then I tell them about Bullseye, so it doesn't usually work for very long. Bullseye is your guide to what's good, from MaximumFun.org and NPR. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Travis McElroy, elegant cowboy. He's ready. He knows what to do. I've been thinking about it for three weeks. You were always, oh, so you were going to do elegant cowboy even if we didn't mention your boots. Well, yes. I mean, I am day to day an elegant cowboy. It's not a funny nickname. It's correct.

It's how I've lived my life. Anybody who's seen you rope doggies knows. They know. I've got a personalized belt buckle. Mm-hmm. Do you? Yeah, it says T for Travis. Elegant cowboy on it.

Okay. I want to briefly, before we get into this cat cafe that Jordan visited and just Travis's general experiences of this great city of angels that we live in. I want to mention Max Fun Week. Hey. Because it is imminent. It starts October 15th, which is just a couple of days after this episode is released.

All kinds of shit going down for Max Fun Week. Let's hear it. Number one, grand opening. I'm going to be doing a live bullseye at the Masonic Lodge

at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery Wednesday night, October 15th with Dan Harmon Andy Kindler Steve Agee Rob Corddry and Sarah Watkins. That's a hell of a lineup.

And Travis McElroy. I won't be on stage, mind you. I'll just be in the audience. I'm going to be there, yeah. That's great. If you're in Southern California and you haven't bought your tickets to that, I don't know. What do I have to do? You know what I mean? What do I have to do? You can't get better guests.

I can't get better guests. You've already got the best guests. If only there was going to be free beer. Oh, great news. There's free beer. What? You don't have to wear cowboy boots or an above the knee ham, although if you'd like to wear either, you're welcome to. It doesn't hurt.

It's fine. You won't be turned away. So yeah if you're in Southern California come to that. Also every day so that's the first day and every day of MaxFun Week

has a special theme. We've got MaxFun Trivia Day Leave a Review Day for Immediate Summer Rejudgment Day Draw the Adventure Zone Adventurers Day. What was your Adventure Zone adventurer Travis? Taco? No mine was Magnus Burnside's Day. What was your Adventure Zone Adventurer, Travis?

Taco? No, mine was Magnus Burnside. Okay. Who was Taco? That was Justin. Okay. Taco the Wizard. Taco was my favorite.

Taco was everyone's favorite, Jordan, because he had a funny name. Yeah. Wow. I got to talk about stink eye, man. Everybody loves the funny name guy. In contrast to yours, very serious name. Yeah, Magnus Brant. Well, I'm a serious gamer.

I play D&D to win. Jeez. MaxFun Rocket Coloring Contest Day. Share your favorite episode day. And I'm really excited about MaxFun Meetup Day, which is Sunday, October 19th. We are going to be having a meetup here in Los Angeles. But we are also having meetups all across the country that are being hosted by listeners. Will these be simulcast?

No. Okay. And outside the country. There's some in Turkey. There's one in Istanbul. Yeah. Wow. I'm waiting for one.

There's several in Canada. Edmonton, Calgary, I know for sure. I'm waiting for someone to start one in London. I know we got a lot of listeners in London. Sure. I know for sure. I'm waiting for someone to start one in London. I know we got a lot of listeners in London.

You can find the whole list of all the places where there are meetups at MaximumFun.org slash MaxFunMeetup. They're all happening at 7 p.m. local time on Sunday, October 19th. So go. It is really a pleasant time to go and hang out and talk with people. And if there isn't already someone hosting one where you live, it is easy to do. All you have to do is pick a place and email Jennifer, our intrepid office administrator at jenniferatmaximumfund.org. And I have announced that the first 25 people to host a meetup, we will send them a t-shirt. Sounds terrific. Does it have to be like at a public place or can they just have like a meetup at their house? Better to be a public place. I think the ideal meetup place is somewhere public with drinking. Lots of witnesses.

Yeah. Where it's like – where it's going to be comfortable. I've got a shed I'm doing a meetup in. I just need a solid alibi. You know what I'm talking about? Somewhere comfortable. I just need you to take this wrench. Don't ask questions.

Listen, I was here all night. Catch this gun. If anybody asked, I was definitely here at 730. Somewhere like a neighborhood bar that's got a little bit of space, isn't too crowded. Sure. Someplace where everybody can pay for their own things so you don't have to worry about splitting checks with people coming and going. That's the worst. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's pretty easy to pick a nice place. We're doing it at a bar called Club TG here in L.A. in Outwater Village.

But, yeah, pick a place. And at this point, we've got meetups in most of the major cities in the United States. We've got a Manhattan one, a Brooklyn one, a Chicago one, a Seattle one, a Portland one. Do you think the people at the Manhattan and Brooklyn meetups will talk about the other meetups derisively? Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. And God forbid, God forbid someone should start a bridge and tunnel meetup. Oh, boy.

And then there's finally something that the Manhattan and Brooklyn people can agree on. Then they'll be torn asunder again when the topic of who has better pickles comes up. So, yeah, you can find all the information at MaximumFun.org slash MaxFunWeek. We hope you'll participate. I mean, our whole idea is if you have a cool idea of how to celebrate Maximum Fun or your favorite MaxFun show or whatever, that's the time to do it. or whatever, that's the time to do it. For us, it's like all of the cool stuff about the pledge drive without having to ask you for money. So anything we can do to help you have more fun,

we welcome all fan art. If you want to host a fan podcast, fanfic podcast, that's where one person pretends to be Jesse, one person pretends to be Jordan, one person pretends to be Travis. If you want to host a slash fic podcast. That's where one person pretends to be Jesse, one person pretends to be Jordan, one person pretends to be Travis. If you want to host a slash fic podcast. That's where one person pretends to be Jesse, one person pretends to be Jordan, one person pretends to be Travis. One Kirk, one Spock. And one person just makes slurping noises.

Number one on iTunes. Actually, I moved here just for MaxFunWeek. Oh, really? Yeah, because there wasn't a meetup planned in Cincinnati. So I said, I'm here just for MaxFun Week. Oh, really? Yeah, because there wasn't like a meetup planned in Cincinnati. So I said, I'm going where the action is. That is a solid financial decision. Thank you. What are your, oh, and guess what?

One other thing. That morning in LA, there's going to be a MaxFun family meetup. Oh, great. Because a lot of Teresa and the One Man Mother fans. Can't bring a baby to a bar. Teresa and Biz and their respective childrens are all going to be. I actually think it's on the 18th. Is it?

The 18th? Okay. Thank you. You're going to be there with your dog Buttercup, right? Quite possibly. Yeah. I'm excited about that. Either that or I'll be drunk.

One of those two. I haven't met Buttercup yet. I'm very excited about that. You should be. Buttercup seems nice. Anyway, you can find all that shit at MaximumFun.org slash MaxFunWeek and MaximumFun.org slash MaxFunMeetup. Travis, I want to know how you're feeling about Los Angeles. Pretty good so far.

We got here super warm, which was not surprising but a little off-putting. We rolled up and it was like 90 degrees. What's the temp like in Cincinnati right now? Last I checked, it was like 45 degrees and raining. Yeah, everybody's like in sweaters and jackets and stuff. God, I wish it was 45 and raining right now. Last I checked, it was like 45 degrees and raining. Yeah, everybody's in sweaters and jackets. God, I wish it was 45 and raining right now. You say that. You just want to alternate days. 98 degrees, 45

degrees, 98 degrees. Because when it's every day, that gets bad. And we did it. We drove across the country with a trailer and a dog and a cat. So that was not fun. Cats hate driving, right? Yeah, we had to drug her up, give her a little bit of Benadryl. And then she slept. It was so great. She was not fun. Cats hate driving, right? Yeah, we had to drug her up, give her a little bit of Benadryl. And then she slept.

It was so great. She was so quiet. The thing about driving across the country was that you can only go like 55 miles an hour, like legally, and also because your car won't go more than that with a fully loaded trailer. And people behind me did not seem to be cool with that or understand. Like, he's got a trailer and a tiny car. So, like, everyone's zooming around me and glaring at me. And it's like, yes, I also wish I was going 75.

Yes, this is terrible. The cat is trying to sleep. Hey, everybody, be cool. I'm terrified of this. Sure. And, like, I'm going over a mountain and you can hear my car going. Like, the car is scared. I'm like, everybody, just be cool.

Please don't yell at me anymore. Yeah, there's not a lot of empathy on airplanes and on two-lane roads. Correct. These are places where no one cares about what their fellow band is going through at all. And especially once we actually got into L.A. Like we were on like, you know, the 10 and like trying to get around in a trailer. And everyone's like, you can fuck off. I'm like not letting me in.

That ain't going to work. Cutting me off. It's like, I don't like breaking right now. Please don't cut me off. I'm not letting me in. Cutting me off. It's like I don't like breaking right now. Please don't cut me off. I'm so scared. But then we found an apartment very quickly in like two days. It's a lovely apartment. We're in a great neighborhood.

Everybody has been super nice so far. Played in a softball league. Went to a batting cage. I haven't really done any like work. So that's been fun so far. It's mostly just been spending money and playing sports. It's been great. I think that's going to be my life from now on. Did you have to

sell all your shit before you left? We mostly gave it away. Nobody wanted our shit. I tried to bill it as Travis McElroy's couch, but no one would take it. So we gave a lot of stuff away. Did you tell them about the jizz? I did. I thought that'd be a selling point because every stain has a story.

That was like my tagline and nobody wanted it. I have a friend who's been trying to build a podcasting monkey hybrid. Oh, wait. Hold on. That went a different direction. A little bit of your jizz could have really helped him out. See, I thought you were going to say podcasting museum. I got repeatedly excited.

No. A monkey hybrid. Then you took a sharp right. It's actually a monkey hybrid. No, a part man, part monkey. Ah, well, who hasn't? A monstrosity in the eyes of God. Uh-huh. And all I'm saying is a little couch jizz really would have helped him out. Absolutely. It helps a lot of things.

We can talk about it off camera. Yeah, but nobody wanted that. The thing is my wife is really good at finding stuff, like thrift shops and everything. She's like a really good bargain hunter. So our stuff wasn't worth very much money to begin with. We found our TV by the side of the road. Wait, so your stuff wasn't worth that? If your wife was good at finding shit at thrift stores, she'd have found shit that was worth money at thrift stores.

Well, the thing is I couldn't keep a straight face and ask someone for $50 for our coffee table. I would stop and be like, I can't do this. We paid like $10. Just take it. Just have it. It's yours. Did you put it all on Craigslist?

I did, but I put it up way too late. I put it up with like 48 hours notice, and it just didn't fly off the shelves like I hoped it would. So we gave a lot of it to Goodwill and hopefully it goes to a good place and they enjoy my stains. My furniture wasn't actually stained. I just want to be clear because my wife's going to listen to this and just grimace. We had lovely stuff.

It was great. It was not just stained. How do you feel about your new show, Business Intensive Lifestyle? Pretty great. Done a lot of drugs. I've been yelling at small people. I don't think that's true. I have a hard time. This guy, drugs been yelling at small people. I don't think that's true. I have a hard time. This guy, drugs, yelling at the small? No way.

With those boots? No way, Jose. Not a responsible sheriff like that. So far, it's been great. I can imagine you tipping your cap and saying, ma'am, when the school mom comes by. I did buy a cowboy hat to drive out here, and it was my driving hat, and it did make me feel pretty cool. It sounds pretty cool. But I always took it off before I got out of the car, so no out here, and it was my driving hat, and it did make me feel pretty cool. It sounds pretty cool. But I always took it off before I got out of the car, so no one would actually see it.

Yeah, yeah, no, yeah, you don't want to be seen in that. It was just for me. Sure. But it's pretty great so far. So far, I've done, I think, three MaxFun podcasts and seen a UCB show, and that's about as far as I've dipped my toe into the Hollywood world. What, a number three? No, you're number one. Okay, thank you.

But we're the third one. Well, I saved the best for last. There you go. So you're not going on any more Max Fun Podcasts ever again? Nope, never again. Not even my own. I'm done. This is my announcement.

Hanging up my cowboy hat and my spurs. I'm going home. Have we mentioned my podcast yet? It's called My Brother, My Brother and Me. It's on the Max Fun Network. What other two shows did you do? I did Lady to Lady, which is pretty good, and I'm producing Baby Geniuses. Oh, terrific.

Oh, fantastic. I'm excited to hear that. Yeah, me too. No, I've listened. It's great. It is a great show. It is a great show. Everyone should listen, especially now that I'm going to produce the shit out of it.

Yeah, they're going to hear that production. It's going to be so clean. Are you going to do – are you going to become like a Robin Quivers, a Sonny D where you'll chime in? I imagine. I imagine I'll be like a color producer and I'm just coming in with some facts. OK. But you're not going to be like just an all-seeing silent god that hovers over the show. No, I think I'll be very vocal and very judgmental. Very honestly judgmental.

That was not a good joke, I'll say. Take it again. Let's hear some alts. Nope, nope, nope. Our friend Martin, who produces the show Answer Me This, he chimes in once in a while and he puts reverb on his microphone to make himself sound more godlike. You should get some reverb in there. I'm going to do that. Griffin produces my brother and me.

Maybe a fuzz pedal to make it sound more kind of garage rock 1960s. I'm going to do that thing where the tube goes from my mouth through my guitar. A vocoder? So that when I talk, it sounds like I'm speaking through music. You know what? Can I recommend that you do it in the legendary reverb room underneath the Capitol Records building? Done. Right?

Seems like a good place to produce a podcast. You would have them sit somewhere outside, maybe on the street. And then you would be in there. So you would get that rich Sinatra that classic Sinatra sound exactly have you ever thought about like making a wall of music for the show

like a wall of sound yeah sure Phil Spector style yeah I got nothing to do except go to a batting cage I got lots of time

let's get five piano players in here yeah let's do this let's do this maybe get Lady Smith Black Mambazo in here. I might not have actually listened to the show before, but I don't remember there being lots of musical breaks. There needs to be. We're thinking of the same show, right?

I don't think any of us knows what we're talking about anymore. We've all lost track of the initial topic. I'm thinking of the Paul Simon album Graceland that you're going to produce. Sure. Is that correct? Yes, absolutely true. I'm going to go back in time. I do love that album.

I would love to reproduce it. Soon you'll be a dad and it'll be perfectly appropriate for you to love that album. Yeah, get a baby and your wife quick. Can I ask you guys a question? Sure. Yes. Which is a better dad album? Here's your three choices.

Okay. Earth, Wind & Fire's Greatest Hits. Okay. Graceland by Paul Simon. Or Sports by Huey Lewis and the Moose. Okay, so what are you... So, okay, let's get some parameters here. Which is the better

album for a dad, or which is the better of these dad albums? Which is the better album for a dad? What album is best suited for a dad to put the cassette in on a car trip? Sure. And say, now this is music. Yes.

Okay. Now, are we judging this off of the reaction from the kids being negative or positive? You want the kids to roll their eyes a little bit. Are we punishing these children for something? It seems like that. That strikes me. Well, of course they're being punished. They're children.

Okay. Then I'm going to have to go with sports. I think I'm going to go sports too. Here's why. I think that the other two have more music nerd credibility. We haven't quite come back around on Huey Lewis yet. Yeah. And not saying that I don't think Huey Lewis is disliked.

I think he's well-loved. But I think there's a certain goofiness to his music that it's going to be hard to get away from or that we'll never get away from it. I think the other two, if you're a music nerd nerd you can say that you like those and that's appropriate Huey Lewis, always a goofball factor. How do you feel Travis? I just feel like Graceland's like a really

good album that I would listen to now I listen to it in the car and Earth, Wind & Fire is great I'm trying to think of what would be my dad album in seven, eight years, nine years when my kids are old enough to, my imaginary kids are old enough to really judge me.

And I have to think it's something I would put on NSYNC. What's my generation's dad album? Did you like NSYNC as a kid? I just feel like there's a best of 1997 I could put on and my kids would be like,

what is this shit? It's great. Listen. Listen to these bubblegum pop stars. They're all dead now. Yeah. Justin Timberlake was the famous one, but oh, that Joey Fatone could sing. He was always my favorite.

Dreadlocked Rascal. It's always been one of the – honestly, since I was like 22, I've always felt like – because there are still artists that my dad listens to where I'm like, this is incredible. This is really good. You laugh all you want at Steely Dan. It's really good, you guys. But I don't think we have that now in my – I don't know. Maybe we're coming back around to it now that we're more into like a Mumford and Son. I get a sense that as a person who does not have kids or does not know a child, I get the sense that the modern kid, it's a little more encouraged. I think it was more encouraged for them than it was for us to be like a little more omnivorous when it comes to the stuff they're taking in.

So I think a modern teen probably wants to like more classic rock than we did. I think we were discouraged from liking it because but I think the modern teen, it's cooler if they like, you know, your Led Zeppelin, your Paul Simon, your Earth, Winds and Fires, your. See, I had the benefit of when I was growing up, my dad was on a classic rock station. My dad's a DJ. And so, like, we would listen to that all the time. And he would, like, take us to work and everything. So I remember, like, eight years old, my favorite song was Rockin' Robin. Like, I thought it was an amazing song.

So you've always been into cool music. Yeah. I'm a pretty... Listen, you guys. Cool bird-based music. I'm a pretty cool dude. Yeah, well, clearly. I like birds the word. I like Rockin' Robin. My favorite band's-based music. I'm a pretty cool dude. Yeah, well clearly. I like Birds of the Word.

I like Rockin' Robin. Favorite bands, the Orioles. Yeah, it's so good. Favorite doo-wop group specifically. Pretty much anything having to do with like hollow bones is really great. Sure. Like Jimmy and the Hollow Bones. I like stuff about cloacas.

Chris and the cloacas. Jigs, I love you. Get out of my head. Here we don't punch each other in the arm. When we say Jigs, we just, I love you. Get out of my head. Here we don't punch each other in the arm when we say jigs. We just say I love you. If there's one thing Jordan and I can agree on, it's cloacas. It's cloacas. And that's a funny thing to say.

It's a multifunctioning orifice for pee and poop. What's Paul Simon – what is our Paul Simon that we will torture our children with? Yeah, I know. Michael Jackson? I might torture my children with Michael Jackson. I think Michael Jackson is in a zone where it's – I don't think it will ever be uncool to like Michael Jackson. I think Steely Dan is a pretty perfect – Steely Dan is great.

That's an ultimate dad band. Yeah, it's so good though. Dan Fulgberg is also in there. I don't know. Maybe it's like a Matchbox 20. What's that dude? Rob Thomas. Maybe that's a thing. Maybe that's just me personally. I think honestly to torture one of our kids with something from our generation, it would maybe mean getting into something we don't normally like, like a smash mouth.

There's got to be something that we think is cool that they don't. Yeah. Do you think – what about like – I think a lot of people from our generation still probably think Green Day is cool. You know what? Do you think they would think Green Day is cool? I bet in nine years, it's going to be Ben Folds. Like, where I'm going to think it's cool, I think it's going to be like, what's he playing?

It's called a piano. Ooh. I don't know. You got to use your hands? That's a baby instrument. I think Ben Folds will maintain a little bit of hipster cred. I want to know if – right now I'm imagining Travis having a jock kid. Yeah. Just beating me up.

Yeah, no. These are the worst. Oh, they might be giants again. Sorry. Sorry, Butch. Yeah, me too. That was your first mistake. That was your first mistake, naming him Butch. To be fair, his full name was Butchington. Naming him Butch.

To be fair, his full name was Butchington. Yeah, that's true. Butchington McElroy. Butchington, yeah. Butchington Pussworth. I think my kids probably will think it's annoying that I listen to so much Tony, Tony, Tony. You know, that's a good one. I bet kids will be embarrassed of that.

I think that, you know, I think there are a lot of Tony, Tony, Tony apologists. You're one of them. But I think they sound so of their time that – it doesn't sound timeless. I feel there's no need to apologize for Tony. Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah, I mean – God, I mean I feel like – I feel like it seems like modern teens like modern Green Day. I think modern Green Day is so goofy. I mean, it's so bad.

Do they still do things? Yeah, they totally do. And they say it sells. I thought the last thing they did was the American Idiot. They've done like 10 awful things. Really? Yes. Each worse than the last.

Once you have a Broadway play, I think you lose a lot of street cred in the music industry. I think it's cool to have a Broadway play, but when you're like an underground punk that like 10 years later has a Broadway play – Modern Green Day is so embarrassingly bad. And I've tried to like get a handle on if it was always bad. I think – I do think they've gotten worse. I think there's a like rock star indulgence that there wasn't that's really embarrassing. I think that with Green Day, what you're talking about is they always were in – I think that they're – they had skills that overcame the things that were bad about them. That's sure.

That's sure. That's a great point. I think the fact that they had some really superb songs overcame the general corniness of making the kind of music that they did and just the overall horribleness of the things that came from their popularity. As a result of them. Sure. Yeah. And I think, you know, but they wrote a lot of great pop songs.

And the fact that they had that going for them was enough to bear them through. Plus what credibility they had from, you know, Gilman Street. That's literally what I was going to say. Yeah. I think I've actually figured out what my album is. I mean, Cloaca Street. The thing that's going to say. Yeah. I think I've actually figured out what my album is. I mean, Cloaca Street. The thing that's going to embarrass my kids.

And it's going to be me at like 45 listening at full volume to my favorite album ever, which is Jay-Z's The Black Album. And I'm going to be singing along with it. And my kids just like hide their faces. And they're just like, Dad, you're like a 45-year-old white dude. Dad, please listen to Reasonable Doubt. Don't you even have a copy of Blueprint? We like that one that came with Samsung phones. Do you even have a Samsung Galaxy we can listen to it on?

It comes back around. Yeah. Everybody loves a Samsung Galaxy. Sure. Why wouldn't you? Welcome to Jordan, Jesse, Go. Sponsored by Samsung. Do you think my kids will think MOP is corny?

Cause they're always yelling. Yeah, maybe it's a good one. Yeah. I'm, I'm going, I got Tony, Tony,

Tony and MOP. Those are two great ones. Yeah. You know, yeah, maybe like, I mean, yeah,

maybe, maybe like nineties. I mean, obviously nineties punk, it has not aged great now. So yeah, maybe a, there's maybe a green Day deep cut that will be embarrassing. Oh, you could just like murder your kids with Blink-182.

Oh, boy, yeah. Just do that and your kid is like, nope. Yeah, I don't know that I could keep up the facade of liking it. You're right. You are right. No, your kid, you're right. This is embarrassing. I'm going to break this holodisc.

I want to know because I think this will be an excellent – Holodisc the music format of the future. Yes. Thank you. I think this will be an excellent topic of discussion on the forum and then the Reddit and on the Facebook because I'm genuine. I'm stretching to figure it out and I think it may be a sign of my dadness. Yeah. I mean sure.

Maybe the fact that we all have a hard time coming up with stuff is a sign of our growing squareness. If you think you're insane, you're not really insane. So if we're like, oh, this is embarrassing. The things I like are pretty cool. I can't think of anything embarrassing that I listen to. I know, right? Will the fact that I like classic soul music be like a dad of our generation telling us about the blues? Ooh.

No, I mean, I think classic soul music is always cool. I don't think. Okay. Yeah, I don't think anybody's. Yeah, I don't think anybody's embarrassed about that. You don't think that someone in 1970 thought the blues will always be cool? You know, maybe. That could be.

I don't know. I think classic soul is more enduring, though. Okay. Yeah, I think. My dad was more of a jazz guy. If you're like a kid who wants to be into music, that's something you want to be into. That's got cool points up the wazoo.

What about the Manhattan Transfer? I mean, I really love the Manhattan Transfer. Yeah, yeah. And I don't see how it could be seen as, I actually like, you know what? Mark Russell. You know what? Sorry, Simon and Oscar. You're going to listen to Bobby McFerrin at some point.

Wow. That's pretty good. I like him. I like Bobby McFerrin at some point. Wow. That's pretty good. I like him. I like Bobby McFerrin. That's a lot of fun. I don't think I own any Bobby McFerrin albums, though. You can get one. Yeah, I will.

Probably pretty cheap. Probably that one with Yo-Yo Ma. Did he do an album with Yo-Yo Ma? I think he did more than one album with Yo-Yo Ma. That's great. Yeah. Okay. I want to know what yours are.

You can email them to us at jjgomaxximumfun.org or post them in the forum. Whatever age group you belong to, tell us what the dad music of your generation is. Sure. I don't care if you're a mom. Yeah. Moms can like dad music too. Moms like dad music too. Yeah.

You know what I hope it is? You know what I hope it is? You know what I hope seems really embarrassing? Nirvana. I hope. I know. That shot's fired. Buck, buck, buck. Come at me.

I hope that we can all, as a generation, as a culture, come together and be embarrassed about Nirvana. Really? Yeah. You hope that? Yeah. I want that for us, for our culture. You're not on board with Nirvana? No! It's so

unpleasant to listen to. I'm not even going to join in on this. I don't need this heat. I'm just big. I am so, Jordan, I am so excited. I have to say, it makes me really happy to hear that. Because I am so excited that someone is on a limb out by themselves on this program and it's not me. I'm glad that someone

else said something that led to a stunned silence in the room. To all those listening, I like Nirvana the appropriate amount. You know the amount you like it? That's how much I like it. You and me, listener, we're on the same page. No need to write in.

Wow, that's amazing. Good for you, Jordan. Thanks. You're out there. Let's see what No need to write in. Wow, that's amazing. Good for you, Jordan. Thanks. Yeah. You're out there. Let's see what happens. Yeah. Probably cool stuff. Only good things.

Yeah. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Travis McElroy, elegant cowboy. Hey, guess what? In addition to all the other MaxFunWeek stuff that I mentioned, we're also doing Ask Me Anythings.

Many of the MaxFun talent are doing Ask Me Anythings on Reddit. Jordan and I will be doing ours on Monday, October 20th. Right now the scheduled time is 2 to 3 p.m. Pacific. Stay tuned, I'd say. Yeah, I think we might start earlier. Because we've got a show going from 10 to noon. We're going to record from 10 to noon that day, so we might as well get some lunch and sit down and answer some questions.

Get asked anything. Right? We will literally answer almost any question. Sure. Literally almost any question. That we feel like. And, Travis, you're doing one too, right? That is correct.

I want to say Wednesday? Is that right? We'll have Brian look it up while we talk about Warby Parker. That we feel like. And Travis, you're doing one too, right? That is correct. I want to say Wednesday? Is that right? We'll have Brian look it up while we talk about Warby Parker. Okay, I am doing one. All the schedules are on at MaximumFun.org slash MaxFunWeek. So you can go and check there. It's not just us that are doing it. We got like 10 different shows that are doing MaxFun meetups.

I mean AMAs. Thursday. I'm doing it Thursday with my older brother Justin. Griffin will be in Japan. Yeah, for his honeymoon. I'm doing it at noon, Brian tells me. Noon Pacific time? We're talking about noon Pacific time?

Noon Pacific. It's the only time. Hey, this week's program sponsored by Warby Parker. A new concept in eyewear. Glasses should not cost as much as an iPhone. At Warby Parker, fashion-forward prescription eyeglasses start at $95, including prescription lenses. They make buying glasses online easy and risk-free. With the Home Try-On program, you can order five pairs of frames to be shipped directly to your home,

try them on, select your favorites, and send them all back for free with no obligation to purchase. Go to warbyparker.com slash jjgo. That's warbyparker.com slash ajay, ajay, ajay, uh-oh. To get your five free home try-on frames and free three-day shipping. By the way, the mandate to say it that way came directly from the people at Warby Parker. They said, say, warbyparker.com slash a J, a J, a G, a O. That's warbyparker.com slash JJGO. You get free three-day shipping and your five free home try-on frames.

My wife wears Warby Parker eyeglasses. They're quite lovely. That's a terrific endorsement. Yeah. Very personal. Personally, I got eagle eyes. Yeah, you don't need them. They're very off-putting.

That's true. You keep looking at me and it's hard not to nod. Yeah, you don't need them. They're very off-putting. That's true. You keep looking at me and it's hard not to nod. I should not have gotten the beak. Yes. The beak was a step too far. But the talons are lovely. I prefer Jordan's cat eyes. I like the little splits in the middle.

Thanks. It's very erotic. Have you seen my barbed penis? Would you like to? Too many times. That's a spicy meatball. There it was! I promised I was going to say it.

So go to warbyparker.com slash JJ Go if you want that. If you want to sponsor an episode of Jordan, Jesse, Go, it's easy. If you want to get up on the Jumbotron, just go to maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron. That's for announcements, one-time announcements for friends of the program, whether it's your business or a personal announcement.

And if you want to sponsor the show with your business, email Teresa at MaximumFun.org. T-H-E-R-E-S-A at MaximumFun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Oh. The listener. The listener. Travis, you're fine. I'm happy to be here. But the listener is who we care about. Hey, Travis, B minus, buddy. Fair enough. I'll take it. That'll get you into college in Oklahoma.

Okay. No, you're doing a great job. I'm just glad you remembered I went to school in Oklahoma. I give you a solid A. Hey, thanks. I never forget a Sooner. Aw, that's lovely. Thank you.

Boomer. Was that correct? That is correct. We just beat Texas. It was very exciting for me. Boomer, Sooner. Oh, did you? Yeah, it was a very cheap win, but we'll take it.

We're not proud. I mean, our mascot is a guy who stole land, so we're not proud. What is a Sooner? Well, when the Oklahoma Land Rush opened up, they said, you know, at dawn, when the sun rises, everybody will rush and claim land. And then there was a group of people who left the night before, and they left sooner than everyone else. And that is why they're called Sooners. It's about stealing land. Do we just need to do a mascot overhaul in this country?

Yes, we do. What about this? Just get rid of all mascots. Replace all of them. That way no one can be mad and then just everyone has a new mascot. You know, it goes deeper than that, though, because Oklahoma is called the Sooner State. So it's like the whole state is like, we're a land feast. Oklahoma, well, we have to be jettisoned to space then. Fair enough.

That's the only solution. Yeah. Oklahoma is called the Sooner State. Show me. By the way, I'm from Missouri. Oh, you should lead with that. I have to say, if we got rid of all mascots, I would be happy because no longer would people come up to me and say, you went to UC Santa Cruz, huh?

And I'll be like, yeah. They'll be like, so you're a banana slug. And I'm like, yeah, I guess. It's not funny be like, yeah. They'll be like, so you're a banana slug. And I'm like, yeah, I guess. It's not funny to me, though. It's like a vague, gentle, like a low-level crackle of annoyance to me. You know, my older brother He's Santa Cruz. You're a goofball, huh?

Cool. Justin's so before Huntington High moved into a new high school. You say you have an older brother? I do. His name is Justin. Taco? Does he know Taco? He does. Your attitude about Taco has shifted pretty drastically.

I love Justin. Okay. I love the player. I hate the game. Oh, you're talking about Justin McElroy. That is correct. Gotcha. And their mascot before became the Huntington High Highlander was the Huntington High Pony Express, which I always thought was a weird choice.

That's a team of guys. Yes, correct. The Huntington High. That's an organization. To be fair, Marshall University's mascot is the Thundering Herd. We're all about collective mascots. The Calabasas Department of Water and Powers. Departments of Water and Power?

Well, then it would be the Pony Expresses, right? That's true. Yeah, yeah. Or the Pony Express. I think it's a murder of Pony Express. Surgeon's General. Jesse, it's Surgeon's General. Okay.

And then you just switched to the Highlander? The Huntington. Well, because it was Huntington Pony Express and Huntington East Highlanders, and then they combined schools, and it became Huntington High Highlanders. I would like it if that was not a reference to the legendary warriors of Scotland, but rather a reference to the popular film series. It was. Christopher Lambert can preside over all the games. We all had blue faces and were very anti-Semitic. Can I tell you something?

You know why when the schools combined, they became the Highlanders? Why? Because there can be only one. Yay. Okay, when something momentous happens to you, like you think of a great Highlander joke, we ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN. to you like you think of a great Highlander joke. We ask you to call us at 206-9844-FUN, 206-9844-FUN,

to share it with us for our segment, Momentous Occasions. Some of you have done so. Three of you, no less. Let's take a listen to the first call. Hi, Jordan, Jessica. Hello, guests. This is Sasha calling from Ontario, Canada. And I'm calling because I normally work a day backpack. And I was so overcome with warm, fuzzy feelings of, look at this girl. She's not afraid to be, you know, who she is and wear this

backpack to school, even though this is specifically a kid's book, blah, blah, blah. And then she turned around and I realized she was smoking a joint and half her head was shaved and she was wearing a T-shirt that said, Karma's a bitch if you are. And I thought, well, I guess she's still being true to herself. I think high school has changed an awful lot since the late 90s when I was there. Love the show. Think you guys are both great. Have a great day. Great. Have a great day.

When I last lived in San Francisco, so we're talking about the mid-2000s, mid to late 2000s, all the rage among high school students and other young toughs. I'm going to call the demographic category young toughs was to wear elementary schooler backpacks, mostly for SpongeBob SquarePants, but also sometimes for Dora the Explorer. Like the more colorful and ridiculous it was, the more likely a guy, a teenager who looked like he'd pull a knife on you to get 10 bucks would be to wear it. Does this fall under the same category as like the thug Tweety shirts? Or like Tweety Bird who's like got his arms crossed and he looks real? It is. It's like a maximum version of that. Because those at least had a hip hop affect. This is a full.

Just a child's. For a child. This is literally a child's backpack. Like when I say a child's backpack, I mean like undersized, like yellow. Adorable. Interesting. I liked it. I thought it was pretty great.

Yeah, I mean that's fun. It's a fun way to, you know. I don't really care about SpongeBob SquarePants, but I was all for it. Interesting. Yeah, I wonder if this girl was a tough or if she was just a cool dork. I mean she was definitely a cool dork. Yeah. Right? She could be both. she was just a cool dork. I mean, she was definitely a cool dork. Yeah. Right? She could be both. She could be a tough dork.

Now I said it. Even as I said it. Less likely. Yeah, I'm guessing cool dork. Yeah, she's puffing a J. Yeah. I'm also impressed with the listener that from a distance was able to spot a joint and tell the difference between a joint and a cigarette. Could have been a roll your own.

Might have been a spliff. Could have been a spliff. That's a good point. Justin, are you going to get your medical marijuana license? I'm sorry. My name is Travis. Travis. Oh, boy.

Does that happen a lot? It does. People call me Jesse constantly. Really? Yeah, totally. Growing up, our parents did it kindly. So I learned to answer to it. Yeah.

And it doesn't really bother me anymore. Well, I'm sorry. We sound exactly alike. so it's pretty great. I don't know. You know, I've thought about it. Sure. I've had friends suggest it. It seems like a thing here.

The fact of the matter is I got nothing against weed. I just don't like it. Sure. I'm a pretty anxious person in general. A little weed will fix that. I mean, I was talking about it the other day. Oh, I mean, make you more anxious. Yeah.

I, in general, like my greatest fear and anxiety is feeling stupid and like looking stupid. It's like weed going, I'm going to help you out with that. Let me just. I'm going to guarantee you're acting stupid. I'm going to make sure you feel like if you open your mouth to speak, you're going to say this. Sure. If you open your mouth to speak, you're going to say this. I don't know. They have stores in Los Angeles where they have 200 different kinds of marijuana and each of them has a funny name.

Yeah. And there's a man there that can tell you about each one of the funny names. And he's called a bud tender instead of a bartender. He tends your buds. I like that. And he is your bud. Do you think that there's a specific strain where they're like, oh, you feel stupid? Yeah.

Let me get you those. Yeah. I mean, I think that maybe you just weren't smoking the primo shit. We call this daddy's little courage. Yeah. Anyway, I don't mean I don't want you to obtain it. Why are you encouraging drug use? Because I just want you to be cool.

I want that for you. I want that for you. I would like that for once. Can I also say you should probably get rid of that Gryffindor backpack? But how else will I transport my books? That's a good point. Just put them in a bong. Carry them around like that.

Boom. Cool guy. It's a hell of a fucking bong. It's a pretty sweet. It's a wide bong. It's a pretty sweet. It's a wide bong. It's a very wide bong. Hard to get your mouth around it. If we learned anything from the Pontiac Grand Prix advertisements of the late 1990s and early 2000s, wider is better.

Yeah. Cars, bongs, and dicks. That's a spicy meatball. Let's take our next call hello jordan jesse and illustrious guest this is joel from springfield illinois uh calling in uh with a moment of shame a couple of days ago and and i apologize for not uh calling away, but you'll understand why in a second. A couple of days ago, I got into an argument with my table saw, and the table saw won. And sadly, the board I was cutting kicked back at me and crushed three of my fingers. So I went to the emergency room.

crushed three of my fingers. So I went to the emergency room. One of my fingers was broken and three of the fingers on my left hand are severely lacerated. I won't get into all the gory gruesomeness, but suffice to say right now, I'm laid up on some really sweet pain medication right now and listening to podcasts, listening to your podcast. And, you know, moment of shame. What are you going to do? Love you guys. If there's one thing that we're about, it's safety around the shop. Sure. Do you want to know a true story?

I have been a theatrical carpenter for many, many, many years. Started in college. Five years. Well, I started in college, so it's been about eight years altogether. Okay. And the table saw is like the scariest thing. It seems like people shouldn't own table saws or pet chimps. Yeah.

I never hear a story about either of those going on. I never let a pet chimp use a table saw. Oh, definitely not. It seems adorable. Yeah, he just wants on. And never let your pet chimp use your testicles. It seems adorable, and it is at first. He just wants to snatch your testicles. People should know table saws are pet chimps. Oh, put that

down in your shorthand, assholes. That's an all-timer. Have you guys ever seriously hurt yourself? A fucking knowledge bomb just got dropped on you. Kaboom. Have you ever seriously hurt yourself with any kind of tool? Oh, I try to stay away from tools because I'm afraid of that. I worked as an apprentice stage electrician for a time.

Mm-hmm. But I don't remember ever hurting myself with a tool. I do remember that one of my big jobs was to change the light bulbs in the house at the opera house in San Francisco. And it would just be me and a lighting cart because there was a thousand different kinds of light bulbs. So I just had this giant cart full of different kinds of light bulbs walking around looking for light bulbs that were out. to sort of pass the time, because this was before the MP3 era, was to drink the little bit of soda that was left in the soda machines at the concession stands. Like they would have disconnected the bad soda.

As an alternative to an MP3? Well, just because I was bored. Turn it into a song. Click, click, click, click, click, click. Trick, trick, trick, trick. Just because I was bored. Okay, gotcha.. Click, click, click, click, click, click. Drink, drink, drink. Just because I was bored. Okay. You had to do something to cut the boredom.

So every once in a while I'd stop at a concession stand, pull out a cup. To drink the excess soda. Well, what it is is they disconnect the bag of soda juice. Gotcha. Concentrated soda. Syrup. But there's still some left in the line. So you can probably get three ounces of soda out of it.

It's pretty good. The soda dregs. Three ounces of each of them. That makes a whole soda. Nice. It's just a little wisdom to those of you who are apprentice stage electricians at the opera house or the War Memorial Theater or the symphony. I mean, yeah. I mean, basically any place where they're replacing soda.

Yeah, exactly. Travis, have you ever hurt yourself badly on a piece of equipment? The worst one I did, it was actually, I've hurt myself worse, but the worst one, as far as embarrassing and bad,

is I shot a pneumatic staple through my finger. It was an inch and a half long staple and it went straight through the fingertip and out the nail. And the worst part about it is I was training a freshman at the time. I was a senior and I was building a gazebo and time. I was a senior and I was building like a gazebo.

And I said, you have to be careful because if you're not, the gun can double fire and you could shoot a stable right through your finger. Just like this. And I had just done it. And he was like, did you do that to make a point?

And I had to go to the hospital because my boss would not let me pull it out myself. And it turned out I had shot it right between the bone and the nerve. And if I had gone like a millimeter either way, I would have lost mobility or feeling in my finger. And so long story short, it took two hours before they pulled it out. And I asked, why is this taking so long? And the woman said, well, it was like a campus doctor. And she said, we never have emergencies come in and we had two come in at the same time.

And I said, I've got a stable through my finger. What is the other person's? And she said, a gentleman has come in and his testicles have become twisted and he's at risk of losing one, if not both. And I said, I am fine. I will live with this forever. you take care of that gentleman you send my condolences i will be here fondling my intact balls i am so okay yay they work i don't really fuck with them sauce i guess is what i'm trying

to say man they're scary shit like it's's going, and you're pushing stuff towards it. Like, that's the purpose of the thing. There's no way around it. You are constantly moving towards a blade that will take off your hand. Yeah. And not think twice. Now, they have those ones that, like, sense moisture and stop. Really?

Yeah, where it's like a shit, like, if you get anywhere near it with your skin, it stops. But I don't trust it. Because it's like, oh, no, it's totally fine, it stops. Oh God! What if you're using the table saw to cut your prime rib? Exactly. Then it's useless. Then it's useless. Or your beef tenderloin. Sure. Any of your wet dinner meats.

I would like to make a prime rib at home. That'd be fun. But you know what? A prime rib costs like $75. Totally. It's easier just to grow your own cow. That's probably what I'm going to do a prime rib at home. That'd be fun. But you know what? A prime rib costs like $75. Totally. It's easier just to grow your own cow. Yeah. That's probably what I'm going to do. Plant a cow tree.

Yeah. I mean, I already grow my own sweet, sweet bud. Yeah. Spoke to joints in the morning. Right, guys? Come on. Yeah, you know what the fuck I'm talking about, George Morris. You guys want to take a hit off this wide mouth bong?

Blaze it up. Put your whole face in it. Bop, bop, bop, bop I'm talking about, George Morris. You guys want to take a hit off this wide mouth bong? Blaze it up. Put your whole face in. This isn't a bong. This is just a mason jar. Yeah, guys, I'm getting married. And this is the wedding. To my bud tender. Me and my bud tender really hit it off.

I met him on Tinder. There you go. We have a lot of fun here. We have one more call. Let's take a listen. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guest. This is Mikael calling from San Francisco. And I am a PhD student in chemical physics

at Stanford, which is relevant only because my advisor, my PhD advisor, W.E. Murner, just won the Nobel Prize in Chemistry today. And he's crazy right now, but we're going to go meet him at the airport tomorrow. We've been popping champagne. It's insane. So you guys might want to know that.

Love the show. There ain't no party like a Nobel Prize party. Yeah, they're popping bottles already. Jesus Christ. I'm driving to pick them up. Drunk on champagne. You want to have a fucking party jam? You got to get with those chemical physics PhD candidates.

Yeah, I guess so. Everyone knows that's a party department at Stanford. Oh, yeah. That's a fuck fest. There's no way those dicks aren't wet 24-7. PhD candidates? Yeah, I guess so. Everyone knows that's a party department at Stanford. Oh, yeah. That's a fuck fest. There's no way those dicks aren't wet 24-7. Are you kidding? Stanford's a fucking party school anyway. There's no actual learning that goes down at Stanford.

It's just fucking, you know what people learn? How to make anything into a fucking ball. That's right. PhD. More like party hard degree. Yeah. Yep. You know what the fuck I'm talking about. That's what it stands for. That took a like party hard degree. Yeah. Yep. You know what the fuck I'm talking about.

That took a lot out of me. You know what I'm talking about, T-Mac. You want to take a little nap? Yeah. We'll finish up here. That's pretty good. Take a little siesta. I'd like to win a Nobel Prize.

That'd be great. If I won a Nobel Prize, it'd probably be the Nobel Peace Prize, though. Where do you get to go? Germany? Where do they hand those out? Stockholm. Stockholm. There you go.

What if you get to go? Germany? Where do they hand those out? Stockholm. Stockholm. There you go. What if you go to Stockholm? I wish they would expand the categories and give out Nobel Prizes for best sandwich. Do you think that's because you make a mean Monte Cristo? I'm not saying I'm a shoo-in. You're the guy who added salami to the Monte Cristo. That's an important innovation.

I said powdered sugar. Not salt. Powdered sugar. And they went, I wish there was a said powdered sugar. Not salt. Powdered sugar. And they went, sweet and savory. I wish there was a prize for you. Not yet. Yeah. I think I could win one for chillest dude. You are a pretty chill dude.

Best hugs. I'm a pretty chill dude. Especially when you're blazing the earth. Oh, yeah. Most likely to succeed. I'm like, get that one. Cutest eyes. Most improved.

I won a Moville Prize for most improved. Just generally. If I won a Nobel Prize, it would be for team spirit. I got the Miss Congeniality Nobel Prize. Whitest dick. Pretty wide. I'd like to win an award You have an award

You won that LA Weekly Award I won an LA Weekly Web Award That's true But I forgot And then our show was on that LA Weekly Podcast flowchart Yeah it was We were on a flowchart

Shout out to Jane Borden Yeah right I gotta bring Jane Borden in here Get her in here She's a hilarious woman What's Borden up to? She put us on that flowchart Yeah right

Did you know we were on a flowchart. She put us on that flowchart. Yeah, right. Did you know we were on a flowchart? I did. I enjoyed that flowchart. Everything kept bringing me back to you. I'm thanking you on behalf of Jane Borden, who put together that great flowchart that we were on. It was a flowchart of what LA comedy podcasts to listen to, and one of the things led to Jordan

Jesse Go. Yeah, it just said, do you want to listen to the best podcast? Zip, zip, zip. All the way to us. You could one day, you could win an Emmy, Jordan. I could maybe win an Emmy. That would be fun. At the bare minimum, you could be nominated.

I think the odds are, I don't mean to jinx anybody. No, I would hate that. But I think that at some point in the next few years, you will likely be nominated for an Emmy. Yeah. I guess At Midnight be nominated for an Emmy. Yeah. I guess At Midnight was nominated for an Emmy, but not for its writing, for its interactive aspect. Have you thought about writing better? I mean, I just think the show's not Emmy material.

I love the show. I think it's a terrific show. You just don't use your good stuff. No, no, no. Yeah. I save that for Tumblr. Look, I don't necessarily think that you're going to beat The Daily Show in the Emmys. Sure.

For comedy writing in a variety program or whatever. It's late night or variety program. Right. But I think you got your shoe-ins, your shit on important topics. That's basically Colbert in The Daily Show. Sure. But Colbert's going to do a regular show. Who knows if he's going to keep getting nominated. That's true.

And I think at some point you could beat a Fallon or a – Oh, easy. Letterman's retiring. Yeah. You think British guy show is going to get nominated? Not likely. Too British. Yeah.

I would rather win at Tony, I think. I'd like to do a one-man show about me. Do they give out Tonys for one-man shows? Yeah. Best one-man show. Oh, okay. Is that what it's called? That's? Yeah, best one-man show. Oh, okay. Is that what it's called? I assume that's it.

Most improved one-man show. You're literally going to have to murder Hal Holbrook to get your hands on a Tony for best one-man show. And Val Kilmer who does Mark Twain. Yeah. I got to kill a lot of people. Do you think you can kill Kilmer? I mean, I don't want to, but I will if I have to. I'm committed to the craft.

It's a reasonable opinion. I mean, he doesn't know karate. That's Steven Seagal. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I have seen him sword fight, and he does that well. Yeah, I think I could take him. Mm-hmm.

Are you listening, Kilmer? No. Are you dressed as Mark Twain? Do you want him to fight you as Val Kilmer or as Mark Twain? I would like to dress as Twain and fight his Twain and Twain to the death. A Twain-off? Yeah. He's Twain from Earth his Twain and Twain to the death. A Twain-off? Yeah. He's Twain from Earth Prime.

You're Twain from Earth 2. You know what? Never the Twain shall meet. Yay! We'll be back in just a second. Boo! Yay! Boo!

Boo! Hey, have you guys heard that Lady to Lady podcast? Yeah, bro. I listen to my girlfriend all the time, and it's made our relationship so much better and healthy. But even though our relationship is healthy, I still totally want to date Barbara, Brandy, and Tess because they're so funny and smart and pretty. Oh my god. What is up? What? Oh, they're here.

That's right. I'm Barbara. I'm Brandy. And I'm Tess. And we're Lady to Lady. We're a podcast. It's the three of us. We have a fourth girl on every week.

We solve lady problems. Just hang out. Talk about stuff. Sometimes we have characters. We get weird. You can listen to us every Wednesday. We got lady problems. Just hang out. Talk about stuff. Sometimes we have characters. We get weird. You can listen to us every Wednesday. We got a new podcast out.

Go to MaximumFun.org or iTunes. Oh, it's Wednesday. I've got it right now. Oh my God, I better go. I can listen to it while I'm bench pressing my quads.

Yeah, bro. Tight, bro. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Travis McElroy, elegant cowboy. Travis McElroy, by the way, one of the three McElroy brothers who co-host the smash hit podcast, My Brother, My Brother and Me.

One of the most, the second most popular advice podcast in the world. What's the first? Dan Savage. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I got to kill him too. You got to leave a long murder list. So busy. Murder, murder, murder. I would love to hang out.

I'm just so busy. I am swimming in murder. I'm so busy. Sorry. I gotta get my twain outfit pressed. And then I gotta get the bloodstains out of it the next day. You have to forge the blade that can kill Val Kilmer. It's needed a special elven metal for that.

You kiss ordinary man's steel will not kill Val Kilmer. Here's my point. If you're a Jordan Jesse Go listener and you haven't yet checked out My Brother, My Brother and Me, I think you'll love it. Sure. It's a wonderful program. They're three charming and hilarious brothers. Their advice is they claim it's always good advice. I think you're looking at 50% at best.

I would argue that we claim it's never good advice. We have a disclaimer that says do not do what we say. Like from day one we've said please don't do any of this. You might die. I feel like any time I say anything about how it's bad advice, Justin and Griffin get angry at me. No, if anything, Justin's the biggest proponent of this

is awful. Please don't listen to us. I think in the beginning, he was so worried that people would actually do what we told them to do. Sometimes you guys give sincere and helpful advice. That is correct. Though it is hard to tell which one's which. By the way, I've been meaning to ask you something. How do I get out of the friend zone? The friend zone doesn't

exist, Jesse, and you know that you're married. Are you talking about the friend zone with Teresa? You know what? Maybe you just need a new fedora. Jordan, I got plenty of fedoras. That's true. Fedoras, I got. Maybe she's just seen all of them. Yeah, that's a good point. A new fedora can spice things up in the bedroom.

Did you say fedora? I think you meant to say merkin. Oh, yeah. What did I say? Yeah. Or just like a genital fedora. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

A little fedora for a top of the merkin. Don't worry about it. Okay, Southern California, I want to see you on Wednesday night. Come the fuck out to my show because we've been busting our asses putting this show together. It's going to be a real doozy. I'm going to be out there and I'll hug you. Yeah.

Fucking Travis McElroy is going to be there. He's going to give you a fucking hug. That is correct. Wednesday night. It's only 20 bucks. Come on.

Do it. What are you doing? Get a free beer courtesy of NPR Generation Listen. Sure. Just get one of those $20 beers, you break even. That's a group of hip young people

like you and me that love NPR. It's not like this. You can drink that beer to Ira Glass. You can pour it into an Ira Glass. I'm sorry. Ira Glass is not affiliated with NPR. Thank you very much.

Oh. You can drink it to- He's affiliated with Spike TV. Ira Glass is that guy who rescues failing bars, right? Ira's mansers. Ira Glass is that guy who rescues failing bars, right? Ira's Manswers. Can I drink it to Rick Steves, who is one of my favorite people? You can blaze it up to Rick Steves.

That guy is like a legendary legalized marijuana proponent. Oh, I know. I'm a big fan. Big fan of Rick Steves. Yeah, Rick Steves. That guy's great. I haven't heard good things about his show. I haven't heard his radio show.

His TV show is very charming. I don't know who this guy is. He's a public television travel guru who also has a public radio show. Oh, maybe I know this guy. Okay. Yeah. Sure. He makes a lot of money selling travel guides and special trips and stuff. Cool.

And spends it all being a medical marijuana advocate, which is great. I just think it's awesome. Good for him. And Max Fun Week. Starts the is great. I just think it's awesome. Good for him. And MaxFunWeek starts the 15th, runs through the 21st. All the information is at MaximumFun.org slash MaxFunWeek. Come ask us credits on our Reddit. Yeah. Reddit credits.

Come ask us some Reddit credits. Yeah. And we'll answer them. It's going to be really a good old time, and we're looking forward to it. And I don't know. I don't have anything else. Come out to the meetup. Come out to the fucking meetup.

That's going to be fun. I'll be at the meetup. Look, go to the meetup. I'll hug you there. You're in Portland? Go to the meetup. You're in Seattle? Go to the meetup.

Here's the thing. It's not a big deal. It's two hours out of your life. It's a fun evening. You make some new friends. Meet some pleasant people. The people are real pleasant. There's no inside baseball.

Everybody's really warm and nice. It's really nice. You talk to somebody, you find out, oh, my boss just won a Nobel Prize. You know? Would you like some of this champagne that I bring with me everywhere? I guarantee there are at least nine other people. I'm a hard-trinking Stanford physicist. There are at least nine other people in your city that will hang out with you and talk about MaxFun.

This is going to be great. You don't even have to talk about MaxFun. You can branch out to other topics. Talk about scandal. Sure. How juicy it is. There's a water cooler at the bar. It's the perfect thing to talk about.

How turnt up are you when you're watching it? Yeah. How turnt up are you getting? Our producer is Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. Our thanks to Brian. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. We're very grateful to them. It comes from the album Kites Are Fun, the best of The Free Design, which I feel I can recommend wholeheartedly.

Great. Yeah. I agree. I recommend it too. Definitely won't embarrass your kids. We're on the internet at forum.maximum too. Definitely won't embarrass your kids. We're on the internet at forum.maximumfun.org where you can chat about the program. You can also join us on Facebook and on Reddit.

It's reddit.com slash r slash maximumfun. Facebook is facebook.com slash maximumfun.org with an actual dot with a period not spelled out. Maximumfun.org You can join our Facebook group there and you can just search for Jordan Jesse Go and like that talk about the fun

there on fucking Facebook. Hashtag it JJ Go on Twitter. Hashtag Max Fun Week all your sweet Max Fun Week tweets about what your favorite fucking Jordan Jesse Go

episode is. You can also follow me on Twitter if you want to see pictures of my dog. I post a lot of pictures of my dog. Can I say something about Travis's dog? Travis's dog is balls out amazing. It's pretty worth it. Travis's dog is the third best dog in the whole MaxFun world after my two dogs.

I feel like that's a little low. I would say top one. Top three. Well. He's one of the top 40 dogs under 40. Sorry, Murph the Derf. You're a pretty great dog. You're no My Dogs or Travis's dog.

That is correct. Do you think we could get Murph the Derf to come to the family meetup? Maybe. I do think we need a pet meetup. I don't know. That's not already happening. We got a lot of meetups. Silver Lake Dog Park, what do you think? Sounds good. Put together a pet meetup. I don't know. That's not already happening. We got a lot of meetups. Silver Lake Dog Park, what do you think?

Sounds good. Put together a pet meetup? My wife told me the other day, she said to me, Jesse, when is Travis coming over to our house and bringing that gorgeous dog? Very exciting. I have to warn you, she'll kiss you on the face. I love it. I love it.

She's all about being scruffy and kisses. We'll be back next week on Jordan, Jessica.