Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 347: Growing Violet with Lisa Hanawalt

Episode Date: October 20, 2014

Artist and podcaster Lisa Hanawalt joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of novelty footwear, Jordan's visit to a cat cafe, and a crazy dragon subreddit.

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and sex and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Indian summer continues here in Los Angeles. It's a balmy 80 degrees.

And I'm done with it. Here's what I don't like, Jordan. Can I tell you what I don't like, Jordan. Can I tell you what I don't like? Please. I don't like having to deal with 80 plus degree temperatures and spiders at the same time. Oh, boy. That's the bullshit to me. You don't like hot spiders.

No, I don't like hot spiders. Now, hot nuts? Yes. Around Christmas time? Yeah, give me a roasted chestnut any day. Sure. Hot spiders. But I don't care for.

You know, I just miss growing up on the East Coast where you could, you know, you're walking to the subway. Sure. And you get, just on the way, you get a little bag of hot spiders. Sure. Sure. Hot roasted spiders. Yeah. From the Spider-Man.

Yeah, absolutely. You know I'm from Cove. And then I will get pictures of him because that's what my boss, J. Jonah Jameson, wants. Pictures of Spider-Man. But do you follow me? I answer coming into my house every fucking witch away. Interesting. Yeah, I guess I'm not having an inordinate bug problem lately.

There's crows and ravens everywhere. I'm going to be honest. I don't know the difference. Sure. They're both falling to the category evil birds. Well, one's a reminder of your lost love, Lenore. Yeah, that's a good point. You're referring to one is a reminder of my other lost love, Brendan Lee.

Sure. Taken from us too soon. Too soon. I just, it just, it's too much. I don't want to watch the World Series and be sweating at night. You don't like the night sweats. I don't like night sweats. I mean, most people like night sweats, but not me.

These are a lot of fun. Call me crazy. Helps you make weight for night wrestling. Working on some night wrestling. Oh, man, especially when you've really been pounding back the chestnuts. Oh, absolutely. It is so hard to make that weight cut off. Man. If only chestnuts weren't so delicious and fattening.

Oh, I love macadamias. Our guest on this week's program is you know, it's Max Fun Week, Jordan. I've heard that. Yeah, this is the most wonderful time of the year. Technically the second most wonderful time of the year after Christmas. Behind Christmas.

But you know what? Fuck Christmas. Wow. I'm joining the war on Christmas. Okay. But I see it more- You and the rest of the liberal elite? Mm-hmm.

Exactly. Me and my corduroy besuited, elbow patched- Rachel Maddow. Yeah. I don't see it even as a war on Christmas so much as a war for Max Fun Week. Okay. So it's like the enemy of my enemy is my friend kind of thing. Exactly.

Okay. Exactly. So she is a new colleague here at MaximumFun.org, the co-host of the smash hit podcast Baby Geniuses. She's also a celebrated cartoonist. She is also one of the most important artistic forces behind the Internet television program. Internet television program? Netflix television program. I mean, technically it's an Internet television program.

BoJack Horseman. Her name is Lisa Honowalt. Hi, Lisa. Hi. Hey, Lisa, can I say what the funniest thing in BoJack Horseman I thought was? You sure can. So Mr. Peanutbutter is picking up his girlfriend at the airport. And he has a sign for her that says, honey.

Yeah. And a bear walks up to him. He says, oh, no, this is a pet name for my girlfriend. I don't have any honey. And then the bear looks disappointed and walks away that shit's hilarious that bear doesn't speak english she just goes yeah very funny bear some animals speak english and some don't yeah lisa it's great to have you on the program how are you i'm i'm great i also hate hot spiders yeah fuck them right yeah what about a nice chilled spider like a ceviche Great to have you on the program. How are you? I'm great. I also hate hot spiders. Yeah. Fuck them, right?

Yeah. What about a nice chilled spider? Like a ceviche. But like with a spider. Like with a little onion and cilantro? Ooh, yeah. Some lime juice? I think an octopus is just a cold spider.

Yeah. They're the spiders of the sea. Yeah. I'm not counting sea spiders, which are a real thing. I say fuck them. I feel the same way about sea spiders that Jesse does about Christmas. Fuck them. Wow, so you're waging

in your mind, is it Max Fun Week versus sea spiders? Yeah. Only one can emerge. Well, we better remember to go to that meetup and make sure there aren't any sea spiders there. Oh man, if they are, I'm going to run them out of town. Oh, I can't stand those sea spiders.

Lisa, how's show business treating you? How do you like living in Los Angeles being a celebrity superstar? I love it. Oh. I get recognized everywhere I go. Really? Yeah. It's because you wear that pink

mink stole. That's right. It's your signature accessory. Yeah, and I drive the pink Corvette. You do. That's true. And then your outrageous plastic surgery. Yes. I went really bananas on that as soon as I moved here. Hey, you look great.

Thanks. No, no, it looks really good. Thanks. You look exactly like an owl. Is that what you were going for? Yes. Right down to the puked up mouse skeleton. You guys want to pick apart my pellet and look for vole skeletons?

I would love to. Seems like I can learn a lot about the digestive system from doing that. Not to mention ground rodents. Sure. How long have you been out on the West Coast, Lisa? Well, I used to live here back when I went to college here. I went to UCLA. The University of California, Los Angeles.

That's correct. So I lived here for eight years, then I moved to New York for five years, and then I just came back last winter. Where are you from originally? The Bay Area. Oh, really? Yeah, Palo Alto. Oh, great news. Let's just talk about the Bay Area the rest of the show.

Yep. Yep. Sounds great to me. Just watch an episode of Silicon Valley. It's all talk about the Bay Area the rest of the show. Yep. Yep. Sounds great to me. Just watch an episode of Silicon Valley. It's all you need to know. Yeah. There you go. So you got all the polar fleece you need. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love my Patagonias.

And your shoes with the individual toes. Oh, God. My dad just got a pair of those. Did he really? Yeah. What's he using them for? Just like hiking? Just being, just wiggling his toes. Being a dad? At my mom. I don't know.

Don't want to think about it. It's amazing how those, it's amazing how those. Wait, you think these are possible sex things? Is that what you're saying? My mom is freaked out by them. Jesse, I know you don't know a lot about mating rituals, but it's how the dad attracts the mom. Oh, man. That explains why I haven't scored in three years.

You've got to wiggle your toes. I can't see any of your toes right now. I know. It's amazing how those shoes have, like, really, like, transcended their original subculture. Like, they've really branched out to a lot of, like, different goofballs. I don't. I feel like different goofballs. I don't. I feel like there is apparently, and I had no idea of this until 10 years or so ago, an insatiable thirst in this great nation for novelty footwear.

Sure. You have. You want to make a statement. Crocs. Mm-hmm. That was. You remember? Just people wore Crocs? Mm-hmm. That was. You remember? Just people wore Crocs everywhere all the time.

They still kind of do. Mario Batali never takes his off. I saw him on an airplane. He was wearing them. What? Yeah. Come on, Mario. Yeah, the orange Crocs.

You got the money for something decent. Get yourself. Maybe it's like a sponsorship thing. I think they're glued to his feet. Yes, we're Crocs and Beats by Dre Industrial accident Actually Mario Batali got fined $10,000 for wearing Crocs By the NFL

Individual toe shoes are the official goofy shoe Of the NFL No no no no no Sketchers shape ups As modeled by Joe Montana He does have a nice firm behind That's the other major one No, no, no, no, no. Sketchers shape-ups. Ah, okay. As modeled by Joe Montana. Joe Montana, sure, sure. Those are goofy. He does have a nice firm behind.

That's the other major one is a shoe with a round-arched sole that's supposed to make you tone your butt while you walk. Do they work? I mean, I imagine they work to some extent, but I mean— Have you thrown a penny at Joe Montana's ass recently? No, didn't he get sued because those don't work? Wait, someone sued Joe Montana? I think Joe Montana had to answer for that shit. That's fucked up.

I could be wrong. I would love Brian to look in on that. Frank Sketcher, the founder of Skechers, wouldn't stand up and be counted on? Yeah, they just wanted all Joe Montana's Genesis money. I thought it was kind of fucked up that they also sued Jerry Rice, Roger Craig, and Ronnie Lott, the other superstars of the 1980s, 49ers. Yeah, they're all complicit. Yeah, because they had let,

what I heard is they had let Montana do the commercial. Yeah, he has to ask their permission. Yeah, like, who, what? Okay, so here, I'll break down my feelings about this. Number one, Crocs. I think Crocs are fine for children and fine if you're on a boat and fine if you're gardening. Okay.

And I guess, like... Do you get, like, angry if you see someone wearing them casually or in the business place? Because they're fucking gross. Why? Because they have holes in them? Because they're fucking plastic shoes. That's why. They're gross, giant, floppy, flappy plastic shoes.

It's bizarre. And they're fluorescent green or something. It's what a Dutch clown might wear. So judgmental. is bizarre. And they're fluorescent green or something. It's what a Dutch clown might wear. So judgmental. Very judgmental of Crocs. Okay, that's number one. Did you hate Uggs too? And other things.

Oh, Uggs. Yes. That's another great example. It's been a long time since I've seen an Ugg in the wild. Yeah, they're a little bit out of vogue right now. Sure. But you do see them from time to time. I do. I'm trying to get some for little bit out of vogue right now. Sure. But you do see them from time to time. I do.

I'm gonna, I'm trying to get some for my Halloween costume, which is basic bitch. Oh. I mean. I like to call them simple sweeties.

Oh, that's a little more positive. I think an Ugg boot is a great example of a novelty footwear beloved by Americans across this great nation. Sure.

The ramp shoes, the arc shoes, the sketcher shape-ups at all. That one's weird because, like, you could do – there's so many different things. Like, basically, the technology behind those is they're shoes that make walking harder. You could do anything to make. You can just simulate that by getting drunk. Yeah, you could do. Before walking. You could tie your legs together with like a hair elastic band.

Oh, yeah. That's a good idea. Right? And then you're burning extra calories with every step. Fill your shoes with goldfish pebbles. Step on some chewing gum. A lot of ways to do that. It doesn't line Joe Montana's pockets.

That's why I'm not nuts about those. Brian's telling us something important here. Yeah. Skechers got sued, but Joe Montana didn't. Okay. They lost. They had to do a contact. Brian says that Skechers got sued. Joe Montana did. Okay. They lost. They had to do a contact. Brian says that Skechers got sued.

Joe Montana didn't. Okay. I'm sorry if I defamed Joe Montana. I apologize. You're going to have to. I loved his Genesis game. You're going to have to explain that to Joe Montana. Yeah.

And he's going to talk right back to you. As in his Genesis game. Sure. And yeah. So that's number one. Like, I don't it's just it's a fucking ridiculous looking thing. Looks like you're wearing a boat on your foot and all it does is make walking harder. You could do any of a million thousand things to make walk. You just wear two different size shoes if you want to. You know what I mean? They just wear one shoe too small,

one shoe two sizes too big. Swim fins outside the house. Oh, that's a good idea. That is a good idea, actually. Anybody with any sense can tell you that those toe shoes are just genuinely creepy. Like, it's upsetting to look at them. And I don't have a problem if you're running in them on your treadmill at home.

But that's pretty much where I draw the line. Like maybe on a track that I can't look at. But otherwise I just don't want to see them out in the world. I feel like it's trendy to constantly look like you're in the middle of working out right now. Like you have to wear that Fitbit wrist thing and workout shoes. You have a healthy lifestyle. Yeah. You're just going around in workout wear all the time whether or and workout shoes. You have a healthy lifestyle. Yeah. You're just going around in workout wear all the time, whether or not you're on your way to the gym.

Are you saying this just because I'm wearing yoga pants right now? Yes. I'm just kidding, America. I don't own any fucking yoga pants. I did leave the house this morning in sweatpants, though. Walked the dog in sweatpants, and I'm still getting over a cold. I'm on week three of this cold here. And started coughing. Hocked up a little bit of a loogie. I don't mean to be disgusting, but it's the truth.

You know, I try and give people the truth on this show. And I spat it out, but because I've been walking for a while, it's really dusty where I live and I didn't bring any water. It was a little too dry. It didn't go far enough and it ended up on my sweatpants. Oh boy. So all of a sudden here I am in public wearing sweatpants with a loogie stain on them. And of course you're always carrying around your signature big gulp too. Oh yeah, absolutely.

Sure. The only problem was it was empty so it couldn't refresh me. Oh no. I know. I gotta go. I also have that Cheeto dust on my hands. Lisa, you guys are doing more BoJack Horseman's, right? Yeah, we're in the middle of working on the second season right now. And Lisa, we should explain that your role in the program is you created all of the art of the show, right?

The aesthetics of the show? Yeah, it's basically based on my style of drawing animals, wearing people clothing and acting like people. And the show is created by a good friend of mine from high animals, wearing people clothing and acting like people. And the show is created by a good friend of mine from high school, Raphael Bob-Waksberg. Will that bear be back for the second season? I know you're probably like under an embargo and like, you know. I can't say exactly, but I'm going to say maybe. Yay! Man, will that bear ever get honey?

I don't know. She is a favorite. Would you say that is the breakout character of the show? Yes. Yeah, okay. At first, we were just calling her FemBear. That was her name, but now we gave her an actual name. Her name's Tina.

Does she have a feminine – I have not seen this episode of the program. Does she have feminine qualities? She has two lopsided boobs. One of them is much lower than the other. But she tries to dress them up. She wears very sensible shoes. Okay. Always.

What are we talking about? Like Crocs? Well, no. They're just flats. She doesn't like to wear heels. She has some back problems. Sure, right. What's the lopsided boobs?

That'll do that to your back. Yeah, that'll throw your back right out. So what kind of sensible flats? We're talking about like SASs, like nurse shoes? Not quite. They're sort of stylish. They're like slingbacks. Oh, okay.

But yeah, they're sort of easy to walk in. Okay, gotcha. Orthopedic. Is that the word? Yeah, orthopedic. Back when everybody wore ballet slippers all the time. Okay. Gotcha. Orthopedic. Is that the word? Yeah. Orthopedic. Back when everybody wore ballet slippers all the time. That's right. Because of Carrie Bradshaw.

Right. My good friend Carrie Bradshaw. Sure. You don't care. Yeah, yeah. I'm more of a Miranda. Can I? I have a... Of course.

Can I talk? And I'm a turtle. I'm a regular. I'm a regular. Turtle from Entourage, but also I have turtle-like qualities. Oh, I thought you meant literally an animal, a turtle. Both. Yeah.

Can I be the guy from Northern Exposure? Yeah, sure. I don't remember. Fleischman? I don't think I saw any. Yeah, sure. Fleischman. Why not?

You'll be Fleischman. Can I talk about something that bridges the gap between human and animal? Yeah, I just got to say I changed my mind. I'm going to be the astronaut guy from Northern Exposure. Go ahead. Fine. And I'll be that beloved moose from the opening. Oh, man, I wanted to be the moose.

Okay, you can be the moose. I think we all remember that opening. Yeah. Toss salad and spread. You live in Alaska. I went to the Cat Cafe recently. I'm sorry. Excuse me.

What? So I don't know if this is still around. A couple weeks ago there was a pop-up cat cafe in Chinatown. Wait, a pop-up cat cafe? Yeah. So I think the deal was that this was a temporary cat cafe and they were looking to create funding to make it a permanent fixture. Yeah.

So, okay, number one, what's a cat cafe? So, this is based on the Japanese tradition of the cat cafe that dates back to an earlier date in Japan. The late 1980s. Yeah, exactly. When Japan was flying high and acquiring American real estate willy-nilly. And so this is a coffee shop that you can go into and you are surrounded by cats. And you can touch any cat and pick them up and you can just sit quietly and read or you can play with the cats.

Why is this legal? Hard to say. Well, I think in Japan it's legal because they have no military and a strange sense of right and wrong. Right. Their cops don't carry guns. Exactly. If you got in a fight with a cop at a cat cafe, you throw a cat at him, he's out of

commission. Sure. Cat scratch fever. Right. I've heard scratch fever. Right. I've heard it's going around. So I think what it is, it is technically like an adoption place. The fun part about the Cat Cafe was that you can adopt any cat in it. And when you do, they ring this big bell and everyone applauds for the person who adopted the cat.

And they put a little hash mark on a chalkboard. Oh. It was a lot of fun. So it's sort of like a cross between an SPCA and Glen Gary Glen Ross. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Coffee is for kittens only. Coffee's for kittens.

Always be mewling. Yeah, yeah, ABM. And so it was very fun. The thing that was weird about it is that there was a lot of anime people there dressed as human cat hybrids. How many people are there when you're there? A ton. Did you go opening night? I went, this was maybe two or three days into it.

I assume there's a gala opening. Oh, yes, exactly. All the stars are out for the opening of the Cat Cafe. I try to think of a cat star. Catwoman. Sure. Catwoman's there. Yeah.

The cat from The Incredible Journey. Sure, yeah. Homeward Bound. Voiced by Sally Field. Thank you. Are there any other famous cats? Lise? Catherine McPhee from...

Sure. Sure. Sure. From... Yeah. Yeah. There you go. So that's probably the top three. Yeah. Those are the top three cats.

The Detroit Tigers. Sure. Right. Yeah. All of them. So yeah. So you go... But I was...

I definitely was unsettled by the anime human cat hybrids. Are those the people that work there? Some of them were volunteering there. Some of them were just hanging out. What were the proportions? Of the people? Yeah. 34, 28, 34.

Am I right? Absolutely. Turn-ons include. Mewling. Mewling, yeah, yeah. I just thought it was weird how, like in Playboy, they would include the measurements. Doesn't that seem like too technical?

It does seem pretty. But, you know, it's like it's the same reason. In case you wanted to, yeah. It's the same reason why in Car and Driver they list, you know, the horsepower. That's true, I guess. You know what I mean? Yeah. I think just a 40-year-old dad in a garage wants the numbers.

He wants the rundown. Sure, exactly. He wants the information. It's like, yeah, yeah, so you can. Right, and they're probably all playing Fantasy Centerfold, too. 42, 38, 34. That's my chest wasted. But what I did appreciate about the Centerfolds was the picture of them in their high school plays.

Yeah, sure. It was fun. Yeah, it's good because sometimes – Is that a real thing? It's totally a real thing. Oh, my God. Yeah. Sick.

Yeah, I know, right? I know. That's totally sick, dude. Yeah, I know. That's ill. Yeah. So what's the ratio of people with cat headbands to people without cat headbands? But it's not just a headband.

It's the ears. It's a tail. And it usually accompanied some sort of Victorian outfit. Oh. Okay. So these were like, I don't want to say steampunk because there wasn't a lot of brass and metal. Something or other lolita? Gothic lolita?

Gothic lolita? Is that something where they yeah wear a victorian outfit kind of yeah like a little doll dress yeah does that how often does that incorporate cat ears and tails um i pretty often i feel like okay yeah right now there are 50 people in our audience there are tens of thousands of people in our audience who are completely perplexed by this and 50 people who are literally shaking their phones on iPod. Like, I can tell you the details. They're all tweeting at us right now. Oh, good.

Can't wait to read those. I'm sure those won't be smug. Anyways. Catsplaining. Yeah. It's worse than the time I confused orcs and urics. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. I'll never use it.

And Lars Ulrich. Yeah, and Lars Ulrich. So you had the metal heads up in your throat. Oh, boy. The worst. So, yeah. So these were like Victorian cat people. I don't like it. Men and women. Mostly women. Some men with top hats and, waistcoats. Was there anyone wearing, like, a unitard in a sort of cats type? No, and that's something I wanted more of.

No one was being a cat. They were being an old-fashioned cat-human hybrid. There were no Jellicle cats? Which to me is creepier. The what? No Jellicle cats? What are those? That's the cats from the musical Cat.

Nobody knows what they are, though. Okay. No, there was none of those. That I can see. I guess I just, yeah, I guess I was- Based on your memories. That's, yeah. Wait, so you can order coffee at this cafe?

You can. You have to, I guess, because of zoning issues. When you go in, you get a coupon for the coffee, and you go to a cart across the street, but then you bring it back in. Oh, so there aren't cats hovering over your coffee cup? Yeah, and I'm guessing there's probably sanitary issues. I kind of wanted more out of the coffee experience. I wanted there to be scones. I did want the cats to serve them.

I don't know how that would have been possible. It's what I was expecting. Can I ask you a question about scones? Sure. Do you like sweet scones or savory scones? Oh, I would say I maybe would prefer a savory scone. Can I ask you a question about scones? Sure. Do you like sweet scones or savory scones? Oh, I would say I maybe would prefer a savory scone. Can I answer? Nothing against a sweet scone.

Absolutely not. I think you, Jesse, you don't have to listen. I want to hear which kind of scone she prefers. I'm going to stick my fingers in my ears. Which kind of scone do you prefer? I like sweet. Fair enough! What's your favorite?

Cranberry? I like a little blueberry cream scone. Oh, that's nice. Sounds like a nice scone. Wait, a blueberry cream scone? Does that have a... Is that something you get at the beard papa? I think maybe they're all cream. You have to use cream to make a proper scone.

Blueberries and cream is the flavor you get. I like a cheddar cheese scone. Me too. And I like – With some Baco bits in there? Yes, with some pieces of bacon in there. I like – Not Baco bits.

Bacon bits. But you know what? Fuck it. Put some Baco bits in there. It's probably pretty good. I would like it if you – if you're going to put the Baco bits in, at least have some bacon bits in there. Sure.

And then by then, like if you sort of mix them up, I won't be able to tell the difference. A Baco bit is not meat, right? I think a Baco bit is meat. I thought it was like a pressed sawdust product. It's not meat? Well, it's not bacon. It isn't? Mm-mm.

Yeah, it's Baco. Oh, my God. If only we had a producer who would look up what it was. What's in a Baco bit? If only we had a producer who would look up what it was. What's in a bacon pit? I think, okay, so I like, I don't like anything. What did Brian say? It's bacon flavored.

Oh, okay. Oh, it's a soy food. It's a soy-based food, says Brian Fernandez. It's healthy. Yeah, absolutely. It's extremely healthy and renewable. So, I'm like pigs. We've only got so many goddamn pigs.

Yeah, right? Because of all those celibate shaker pigs. Not having babies. It worked for religious fanaticism in the porcine community. Sure. I also don't like cheese danishes. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it. I won't.

I don't want to smoke it. Because you like cheese danishes. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it. I won't. I don't want to smoke it. Because you like cheese danishes so much? Yeah. You'd rather have it? Well, Ed, you know that you don't need drugs to have fun. Only losers do drugs. So I'm glad to know how they get around the health and safety issues. Because that's always the part.

I don't understand. Because you can't even bring a pet into a food thing. Sure. Yeah. So, yeah. So, I mean, I like the Cat Cafe a lot. You can, I guess what they're trying to set up is buying like a year-long pass to it. I would like to hang out at the Cat Cafe, but I will be honest that the hybrid people creeped me out.

And I didn't know. I don't know. I just didn't know what the deal was, and I couldn't figure it out. What is the entrance fee for a Cat Cafe? It is free. Oh, so, yeah, I guess your donation gets you some sort of cat wristband where Oh. Where you can like skip the line. Is it like the Snap kind? No, I think it's just like a, you know, one of those.

Oh, just like from a club? Doodads, yeah. From a club that's called? From like a really cool club. Yeah, like a really hip club. That's cat themed. Mm-hmm. It'd probably be called Cat Fancy.

It should be. If it isn't, it should be. Let's open a nightclub called Cat Fancy. Yeah. House music. Yeah. Red Bull vodka. If it isn't, it should be. Let's open a nightclub called Cat Fancy. Yeah. House music. Yeah. Red Bull vodka. Sure.

You know what? Forget the Red Bull vodka. Ciroc only. Okay. Ciroc and various flavors of Ciroc. Right. And then just a floor littered with cats. And chandeliers.

Don't forget the chandeliers. Yes, the cats are sleeping in the chandeliers. Wait, but can ours, ours can have cat people like from the musical Cats, right? Yeah, again, I don't think it's weird to dress up like a cat.

It's weird to dress up like a cat-human hybrid that is also from the time of H.G. Wells. So they weren't doing that classic like... No, they were acting like people. They were acting

like a different species. I would love it if people were acting like cats. I would think that would be funny. Can I ask you a sensitive question? Sure. I don't know if you gathered this information. Do the gentlemen have boners? That's a great question. Yeah, I mean, that, again, it's always, I mean, I know I sound like a broken record

on this, but, I mean, again, it was just I was concerned it was a sex thing. Right. Are you creeped out by furries? Is that it? Oh – I mean I know I sound like a broken record on this but I mean again it was just – I was concerned it was a sex thing. Right. Are you creeped out by furries? Is that it? Oh, I mean listen. I don't want to – Oh, you are.

You're so uncomfortable. Yeah. I mean it's – it's sure. It's strange. I mean God love them for finding their tribe and whatever makes you jizz is fine with me but it's – Or helps you get friends. Or helps you get friends and what makes your pussy wet I'm sorry I limited it to jizz hey it's not a sex thing for all of them

for most maybe 99% I would even be more up front with it I would be less curious about it if they're like yep this is for fucking I don't know but I understand what you mean, though. Yeah.

That there is more to it. That there's, it's about parading and sketches, sketchbooks. Anyway. So, yeah. Mutual grooming. Yeah. And yeah, and I guess maybe if. Sorry, I'm thinking of chimpanzee society. It's about, listen, it's about getting termites with a stick.

Using simple tools. Yeah. Yeah. So simple tools. Yeah. So, no. I mean, I think it's – I think, you know, finding your subculture is terrific and wonderful. But it's just confusing to me a non-animal-human hybrid. Were you there with friends by yourself? I was there with a –

Was Bug there? Bug was – no. Bug was not there. And when I came home, she's like, where have you been? Here's some fur on your pants. What's that? Oh, nothing. It was just borrowing these pants.

Lisa, if you don't know, Bug is his girlfriend. Yeah. Cat. Yeah. But, you know, call him A, call him B. I was there with a co-worker who is also a cat enthusiast. Okay. And were there places to sit?

Like, was it so full that it felt like – It was happening. Were the cats jumping all over everywhere? Was there cat furniture? Cats were – yeah. No, it was like picnic tables. Okay. Yeah, and the cats were very well behaved and they liked people a lot.

And there were baskets of toys that you could just use at your leisure. What does it cost to get a laser pointer? Oh, I don't know. That's where the action is. You've got to bring a laser pointer. If I'm correctly understanding the episode of Fresh Air that I listened to where Terry Gross sounded like she was about to cry. She was so delighted. The subject of cats.

Yeah. Cats love laser pointers. Sure. So do dogs. Dogs love laser pointers? Yeah. That just blew your mind. Have you laser pointed a dog before?

Yeah, my dog. I can make her run into walls. Oh, cool. It's adorable. I'm wondering if this cat cafe will be sort of a gateway to other animal-themed places where you can get drinks and food. Like, could I open, like, a horse diner? Oh, horse diner. Like, horses need to be adopted.

I mean, I don't mean to go back to, you know, crass showbiz motivations. It'd be a great promotion for the next season of BoJack Horseman. I know. But, so what? So it's like, so you're sitting at a table, but a horse is like leaning over you and also eating oats or something? Yeah. And you can adopt the horse and then they ring a bell. And you ride it out. Yeah.

You just ride it out onto the street. Mm-hmm. And into your wedding. Yeah, right. Exactly. Jesse went to a horse wedding last week. Really? Wait, like where the bride and groom were on horseback?

Just the bride. Just the bride? Groom doesn't like horses. Was the bride riding her own horse? Yes. She was like, I'm not marrying you unless Freddy. Unless the horse is involved. Wait, what was the horse's name?

I don't know what the horse's name is. God damn it, Jesse. Shadow. I will tell you this. It was a very. Bucephalus. It was a very beautiful. Concord. Very, Jesse. Shadow. I will tell you this. It was a very beautiful horse. Concord.

Very, very beautiful horse. You don't know if she rented it or if it was her horse? It was her horse, but I don't know what the horse's name is. Camden. Camden. Ariel. Spicy. Spicy.

It's short for spicy meatball. Jesse, don't steal my catchphrase. That's his show name. Come on, dude. I don't say the weather. You don't say that's a spicy meatball. Jesus fucking Christ. Fine, but it was a spicy meatball.

Well, let me say it. Okay, well, the horse's first name was Spicy. Yeah. That's short for that's a spicy meatball. We'll be right back. for that's a spicy meatball. We'll be right back. Wait, so I have a question about BJH Man.

Yeah? Are there, like, Tumblogs dedicated to the animals from the program? Yeah. There's Tumblrs of people pretending that they are Mr. Peanutbutter. You know what? Like, we anticipated a furry reaction. Sure. Of course.

Like, furries have always been fans of my work. Sure. And I, you know, I connect to them on that level. But I did not think that Mr. Peanutbutter would be the breakout

character for them. Like, they all want to be him. He is sexy. He's the one that gets drawn naked the most. Like, none of the female characters get that much attention at all. Huh. I've only seen one of Diane to be him. They think he's sexy. He's the one that gets drawn naked the most. None of the female characters get that much attention at all.

I've only seen one of Diane and one of Princess Carolyn. Interesting. Mr. Peanut Butter, is that Paul F. Tompkins? It is. There you go. What's the... There's the answer to your question. I know. What sort of penis do they give him?

They always give him a big, weird dog penis. It's very like correct to the Very dog specific? Yes. It's like Interesting. Yeah. I always find it odd

in that furry art where the penis is that of a man. Maybe I'm just I'm coming up on maybe I have just some sort of animal hybrid anxiety

that I'm just now learning about. Have you seen the sort of sub thing there's scalies who are into like lizards and stuff but then there are

people who are specifically into anthropomorphic dragons who fuck tailpipes of cars yes yes right what i know i've seen that it's my favorite thing and here's the thing okay so yes this is a thing it's dragons fucking cars there's a subreddit devoted to it i love it so much so here's the here's something about that is that is that there you know, like think about fan art you've seen. It's usually like – you know, it's usually kind of – some of it's real skillfully done but it looks like kind of unstudied. Right. You know, it's amateurish. So there's a lot of –

It's outsider art. There you go. Great. And there's a lot of that. But there are also pretty impressive 3D computer rendered dragons fucking cars. Yeah. Like people used, you know, very sophisticated technology to create. There are some beautiful drawings of dragons fucking cars out there. Yeah, there really are.

They're like fucking oil paintings. Yeah. The skill level really runs the gamut on that. Like some of it is very sophisticated and beautiful. Some of it is that kind of classic, you know, childlike fan art. But, yeah, the clearly studied people who are making these car fucking dragons is pretty impressive. Jesse is speechless. Well, here's the thing. The thing that fascinates me is on the Internet and especially among what you might call the geekarati, which is to say like the people who define Internet culture, Internet specific Internet culture.

Sure. There's like this line between things that are a joke and things that aren't a joke that is very complex to parse. Sure. Like, you know, that like at some point there was just a couple of lonely adult men that were watching children's television programs and decided that they liked My Little Pony. Yeah. And then a bunch of other dudes thought it would be funny. They started a subreddit or whatever. Then a bunch of other dudes or a thread on 4chan or something awful or one of these things. And a bunch of other dudes thought it would be funny. Something awful to forum.

Not you're saying 4chan is awful, but it is. It is. Please don't destroy my life. Please don't take my bank numbers. Please don't dox me. A bunch of other dudes like sort of went because it would be a joke. But then like a fair proportion of them decided they would just be into it, like, for real. Sure.

Like, the ones that started as a joke, they're, like, on board for real. Because they're like, well, I mean, I like friends and friendship. I guess what the show's about. And I'm making friends, making fun of this thing, but now I kind of like it. So you're saying that's, you think that's what's going on with Dragon's fucking cars? I don't know. That's what I'm saying. Yeah.

I feel like I can't put my finger on what people on the internet are jerking it to. I mean, you look, you know, a couple of times on Twitter, I made sort of silly jokes about one of your favorite subjects, Jordan, hashtag Gamergate. Sure. Oh, that's one of silly jokes about one of your favorite subjects, Jordan. Hashtag GamerGate. Sure. Oh, that's one of my favorites as well. That's a, yeah. People send me these tweets.

That's definitely not proof that Earth is a toilet. That's been a real hobby of mine in the last month. Yeah, what a hoot. People send me these tweets, and some of them, I'm like, oh, this person is definitely a real terrible person. Yeah. But then there's other people who live somewhere in the middle. Sure. Sometimes I try to talk to those people

because I'm like, maybe I can turn them. Give them my perspective from someone who really enjoys violent games but thinks some parts are icky, but I still love them, but I'm okay with, like, you know, criticizing them

because I can have two thoughts at the same time in my brain. So I try to talk to those people. No, you can't! No! You either like something or hate it no middle ground oh god here come the death threats yeah uh and then i try to talk to those people and get into it with them and at first they seem reasonable and then something happens

and they're just like nope and they shut down so when you criticize rod paul yeah that's when talks break down yeah but i mean i just, and the sex things times a hundred. Because, I mean, like, take furry culture. Yeah. Like, there's some people that like outfits. Yeah. There's some people that like pretending to be an animal. There's some people that like fucking as an animal.

I'm pretty sure there's probably just some people who are just there to fuck. They don't care about an animal. There's some people that like fucking as an animal. I'm pretty sure there's probably just some people who are just there to fuck. They don't care about the animal. They just heard you could get laid if you went to their furry conference. And then there's some people who are just there like, what the fuck is this? You know what I mean?

Sure. So you're saying that on the dragons fucking cars subreddit, some people are there laughing at the dragons some people are just into dragons and they're fine watching them fuck cars right they'll watch them do whatever like they gotta stick their dick in something two dragons is too much like they'll burn each other up yeah they'll watch a dragon serve prime rib at a carving station exactly uh and then there's some people who are straight up jerking it. Yeah. Well, there's some people who are into car

fucking. Sure. There's some people who are into dragons fucking cars specifically, who have very, very narrow range of... Just the most difficulty achieving orgasm in a real life situation you could possibly imagine.

And there's probably just some people who are into 3D animation and they like that they get a lot of Reddit star points for making a 3D animation of a dragon fucking a car. I kind of want to make one. Yeah? Yeah. And put it in there. Do you have any, do you have any, I mean, I know, you know, maybe this is just something that came to you now, but are you thinking about like what sort of dragon and what sort of car? Like, is this a, you know, is this a saint george dragon what's a peach oh a peach dragon what is that like the old disney peach dragon oh okay i thought you were

like classifying it's about a boy who meets a deceptive medicine salesman and with the help of his uh pretend dragon sets him on fire. Oh. I don't really remember the movie. I want to use that dragon that the witch turns into in The Sword in the Stone. Oh, that's a great one. The dragon who then gets kind of sick, right? Yeah, yeah. At the end of that battle.

I want to take that dragon and have her. Wait, get sick at the end of the battle? Yeah. Because Merlin turns into a germ. That's right. Really? Yeah. That'll happen.

Fucking Sword in the Stone is great. It's awesome. Really? Yeah. Fucking Sword in the Stone is great. It's awesome. I haven't seen the Sword in the Stone since I was seven, but I definitely loved it when I was seven. It holds up. Five maybe even? I saw it recently. When did the Sword in the Stone come out?

I don't know. A long time ago. Maybe even before. Maybe that's like a 1980 Disney movie or something. I had the odd fortune, I feel like, of being in this in-between generation where the animated Disney movie that I remember the most is the Great Mouse Detective. Oh. Like what even is that?

1963. I forgot about that one. 1963 Sword in the Stone? Sure. I remember the thing, the Sword in the Stone at Disneyland. Mm-hmm. I remember that. Sure.

I must have seen the Sword in the Stone. I don't know. Anyway, Merlin turns into a germ and then makes the dragon sick. Yeah. It's very funny. Anyways, I want her to put on a strap-on and then have sex with some sort of muscle car, I think. Oh, wow. What are we talking about?

Like a Dodge Charger? Yeah. That would be good. Oh, that is pretty good. I don't like that. Or like some kind of Pontiac. It's got that fat ass. My goodness.

Stretch out that tailpipe, huh? Yeah. Gross. No, I kind of like that. my goodness stretch out that tailpipe huh yeah gross no I kind of like that I mean that's kind of like as you know that's like playing with sexual norms

in some really interesting ways I think I think it's usurping expectations if it's got quad quad exhaust which hole does it fuck

whatever does it just go left or right it just goes depends on what it goes in and out of different holes it's like well it depends on whether or not? It just goes... It goes in and out of different holes. It's kind of whackable. It depends on whether or not it's the dragon's birthday.

Or if the car's on its period. Gross. What? Guys, gross. Do cars get their periods? Yeah. Oh. Yeah, cars have over-eats.

Women know nothing about cars. My car has been so moody lately. Yeah, Jesse and I are real gearheads. That's why cars shouldn't be allowed to be president. Yeah, they're on their period. They'll just nuke Iran, right? Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan. I'm sorry about that.

Hi, my name's Dave. And my name's Grail. Now, what do we have to do to put you in a brand new podcast today? Yeah, what do you want me to drink bleach? I'll do it. Yeah, Dave will drink bleach. If that's what it takes to get you to listen to Stop Podcasting Yourself on MaximumFun.org. Don't make Dave drink bleach.

Just listen to the show. He will, but don't make him. Stop podcasting yourself. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. You have to introduce yourself. Come on. Oh, hi, I'm Lisa. The reason Lisa's stunned into silence is that Brian Fernandez, our producer, just walked casually into the studio with an animated gif or jif, as you prefer, Of a dragon fucking a Volkswagen GTI. It had a giant pink penis that you could only just see as it poked through into the front seat area. It was artfully done.

So it's like fucking the trunk. Or the back window. I would say probably the back window. Was it a hatchback or a sedan? It depends on how the trunk opens. It was a Volkswagen GTI. Okay. Yeah, I think it was the back window. Okay. Was it a hatchback or a sedan? It depends on how the trunk opens. It was a Volkswagen GTI. Okay. Yeah, I think it was a hatchback.

So it was fucking through the back window or at least the back panel and straight clear through into the front in beautiful rhythmic motion, elegantly rendered. Majestic dragon. Oh, a very majestic dragon. I mean, that's one of the most beautiful dragon dicks I've ever seen in my life. Sure. Balls were dragging on the asphalt a little, but. They were, but I mean, that can feel good.

Yeah. A little extra stimulation. Yeah. A little something extra. Mm-hmm. A little something extra for the true players. Sure. And then Brian decided to start looking up squid porn.

Yep. And whale porn. Mm-hmm. So thank you, Brian. You've brightened everyone's day. By all means, go on the internet and look at horrible things

that will haunt you for the rest of your life. This is the episode of the show that's going to get our bank number stolen, isn't it? Finally. It's flattering. Everyone's going to know where we live.

Okay, it's MaxFunWeek. We already mentioned that. Jordan, you and I are doing It's flattering. Everyone's going to know where we live. Okay. It's MaxFunWeek. We already mentioned that. Jordan, you and I are doing an AMA on the aforementioned Reddit. And that is going to be the day that this episode drops on Monday. And it will probably start around between 12 and 1 Pacific time. You can follow us on Twitter, at Jesse Thorne and at Jordan underscore Morris and at MaxFunHQ. And we'll hip you to the game.

It's going to be fun. You can ask us whatever you want. And even if you miss that window where people are asking us questions live, you know, you can go and see what people have. Maybe somebody asked your question. Sure. If it's a common question. Yeah. question yeah i've been i've honestly as somebody who's uh you know friends and colleagues with many of the max fun talent who have already done amas i've really enjoyed reading everyone's am has

there been any startling revelations uh aaron and brian from throwing shade are fucking hilarious sure um their whole ama is fucking hilarious i guess that's not a startling revelation i knew that ahead of time i guess the revelation is that an AMA could be fucking hilarious. Yeah. An AMA not done by a man with two penises. Yeah, well. Oh, yeah. It's like the most famous AMA, right?

Yeah. The best. Have you guys done one? We're doing one on Monday as well at 6 p.m. Oh, lovely. Me and Emily Heller. Sounds like a fun day of AMAs. That's right.

It's going to be great. And I actually this morning went to the One Bad Mother meetup. My wife, Teresa, and her co-host, Biz, had a meetup here in Pasadena, California. A lot of nice families showed up. It was a lovely time. I got to see a lot of cute babies. Got to meet a dog named Griffin. Cool.

Aw. It was a great little dog. It was a blast. And I expect that our meetup, which as this episode drops will be yesterday at Club TG in L.A., will have been a blast. And the meetups all across this great world. Wouldn't it be awful if we died at it? No, it would be terrible. And then people are listening to this going like, ooh, I don't know how that turned out.

Jordan. That's what we call dramatic irony. Speaking of your- Save the cat. Anyway, sorry. Speaking of your catchphrases, did you know that there's a Max Fund meetup that happened yesterday in erotic Istanbul? No, I didn't know that. Yeah, that's true.

Istanbul meetup. It's real. Did not make it up. None in London. None in Boston for some reason. The cradle of civilization, though, came through. Absolutely. Is that what Istanbul is? Sure. Sure. It's close. Fertile cradle of civilization, though, came through. Absolutely. Is that what Istanbul is?

Yeah, sure. Sure. It's close. Fertile Crescent? I don't know. Yeah. That's in Iraq somewhere? Yeah. Couldn't tell you.

Birthplace of Jesus Christ. There you go. Istanbul. Mm-hmm. I know it was once Constantinople. Yeah. Let's sing a song about it. Seems like a stupid thing to sing a song about.

I have one thing that came up during MaxFunWeek that I would love to have listeners help with, which is, I don't know if you know this, Jordan, but until yesterday, Jordan Jesse Goh did not have a Wikipedia page. Oh, my gosh. Despite its obvious notability. Right. And a lot of the MaxFun Wikipedia pages. This is at least as noteworthy as a list of Nazi war machines. Exactly.

A lot of the Wikipedia pages were frankly kind of sorry. For the shows? For the various shows. Including like Bullseye and stuff. There's a nice enough Maximum Fun page. It could use a little filling out. But like, you know, on the Maximum fun page, there was just a big list of Jordan Jesse Go guests that someone was nice enough to make.

And it's like, hey, let's make a Jordan Jesse Go page and put that on there. So I'm sure that there are a lot of- And a list of goofs and mistakes. Yeah. Oh, that's for our IMDb page. Yeah. I'm sure that there are a lot of people out there who are Wikipedia enthusiasts or Jordan Jesse Goh enthusiasts or Max Fun enthusiasts in general who want to add some content and

some citations especially to our Wikipedia pages. The reason we want you to do this is, A, it's not classy for us to do it. We're not supposed to do it. It's frowned upon. Number two, like if somebody Googles Jordan Jesse Goh, that's what they are us to do it. We're not supposed to do it. It's frowned upon. Number two, like if somebody Googles Jordan Jesse Go, that's what they are going to look at. Sure. And so it's nice if people – It's informative.

If it's informative. Thorough. Exactly. Now, is one of the first things that someone added our deeply mixed review that we got that one time in the Guardian UK? Yeah. Yes. The woman who believed us to be a show always recorded live on stage because she apparently only listened to half of one. Yes.

But that having been said. I mean, that's a major news source. Yeah. And that's the truth. I'm not afraid of the truth. Sure. I'm not afraid. I'm not going to run from the truth.

Is the show kind of whatever? Sure. Yeah. I believe there was a pull quote there about the show's opening being nonsense. But to be fair, the entire program is nonsense. So, I mean, that includes the opening. Yeah. But, you know, if you want to add something to some of our pages, we would appreciate it very much.

MaxFunWeek, this episode will come out on Monday and it will end on Tuesday, so get involved. Go to MaximumFun.org slash Max Fun Week and check out all the cool stuff that's going on. Speaking of fan art, already there's been some

really fantastic fan art of the Dungeons and Dragons party that the My Brother, My Brother and Me guys created with their dad. What kind of cars are they fucking? the Dungeons and Dragons party that the My Brother, My Brother and Me guys created with their dad. What kind of cars are they fucking? Yeah, that's the weird thing about it. I mean...

Wait, are they not? Yeah, I mean, I didn't see... Why would someone turn in an incomplete drawing? Yeah. I mean, hopefully, I guess they were just hoping for an incomplete rather than an F. Okay. But yeah, I mean, I, I guess they were just hoping for an incomplete rather than an F. Okay. But, yeah, I mean, I'd love to see if there's anything for maximum fun that you'd like to draw fucking a car.

I'm interested. Sure. I'm keen to see it. Hopefully, it's an American car, though. Well, yeah, like a Dodge Charger. Yeah. Yeah. Those four sweetgers. Yeah. That's the best. That's the best. Those four sweet pipes.

Yeah. Yeah, I definitely think anything that's fucking a car, the car should have quad exhausts. Totally. And a nice spoiler. Two on the left, two on the right. Yeah. You got to pay a little attention to the spoiler when you're fucking it. I saw a car with two spoilers today.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, one was on the back, you know, where a spoiler goes. And then one was on the back of the top. Oh, yeah? Yeah, one was on the back, you know, where a spoiler goes. And then one was on the back of the top. Oh, yeah. So double spoilers definitely needed all that downward force or else they were going to lose their traction. Sure. On the Autobahn. Anyway, thank you to everybody

who's participated. Thanks to everybody who came to the meetups. It's just been really fun. I've been really having a great time reading everybody's things and seeing all the stuff. And all the people who left reviews in iTunes. Lots of people left great reviews. One person left a great review and gave us four out of five. Come on.

Just give us the fifth one. Just give us the fifth one. Yeah. You didn't say. There's nothing. Pretend like we're an Uber driver. Just give us five. Just give us five.

We gave you that little bottle of water. Yeah. Exactly. We offered you mints. I mean, obviously no one wants mints, but we offered them to you. Yeah. The only kind of mint anybody wants is an orange Tic Tac that's not even minty. It's only by the barest technicality is it a mint.

Honestly, it's a fruit candy. Okay. Maximumfun.org slash maxfunweek is where you go. No sponsors on this week's program, but if you want to sponsor Jordan and Jesse Goh, email Teresa at MaximumFun.org. If you want to get up on the Jumbotron, go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. We'll be back in just a second. It's Jordan and Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Lisa Hanawalt. You can have a nickname if's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Lisa Hanna-Walt. You can have a nickname if you want to. Car fucker. Good, okay. Honesty is the best policy. Oh, are we just going with honest nicknames now? Can we do it again and just have an honest nickname? Because I feel like the boy detective thing is like, you know, it's some like cute, ironic bullshit.

Right. So why don't I just do an honest nickname? Okay. Should I start? Yeah, yeah, sure. You start. Or I can start. Jesse Thorne, less hair than ever.

Jordan Morris ate a handful of chips earlier. Lisa Hanawalt, car fucker. Okay, great. That was the first time. I feel like I nailed it. I'm glad we- Can I tell you what? Hmm?

I got this bag of chips from Trader Joe's Tell me about it South African I was queuing you to do the Summer Lovin' parody Tell me about it, Jesse Bag of chips Bag of chips

Did you fuck her car? Bag of chips Bag of chips That's actually the song, you know the song Greased Lightning? Oh, that's about. The subtitle is Carfucker's Name. Greased Lightning, parentheses, theme from Carfucker. Love theme from Carfucker.

Arthur's theme, that's from The Fluff House. Anyway, the moral of the story is that I ate these. I got this bag of chips, and the chips were really good. And they shouldn't put chips. South African barbecue chips. Oh, I had that. God, those are great. Those are really good.

They're so good. But the bag of chips is so big. Yeah, that's a huge bag of chips. That lasts a long time. I don't want a huge bag of chips because I'm just going to eat them. I'm just going to eat the fucking chips. Just pace yourself. Jordan.

Hmm? Who do you think I am? No, that's true. You're old. Old, raging idthorn. I'm out of control. Yeah. You're old. Old, raging idthorn. I'm out of control! You're just a lust monster. I'm just a bag full of impulses.

Ill-considered impulses. Uncontrollable urges. Passion. Raging. You're a junkie for sensation. That was the sound of me eating out a tailpipe. Oh, you're a considerate lover.. That was the sound of me eating out a tailpipe. Yeah. Oh, you're a considerate lover. Yeah.

Well, you know. I give as good as I get. Okay. By the way, for some... Okay, here's something that I remember, R.E. Cunnilingus. Okay. Oh. It's not...

Is this from the last time you performed Cunnilingus? Yes. That's sort of what it sounds like. The year was 1993. A little band called Green Day was... I was 11 years old, but I loved to eat that puss. I loved two things, Joe Montana's sports soccer ball and munching that delicious box. I, for some reason from childhood, remember this commercial for a movie.

I do not know what the movie is. Maybe the audience can help us. This is something I would like help on. Most things, I don't want the audience to respond. This, maybe have some help. It was a commercial for a movie. Super Mario Brothers Super Mario. Yeah.

And it contained Alec Baldwin, who was like playing, from what I remember, playing like a New Jersey slob, which is kind of an unusual role for him. Yeah, sure. Usually he's put together. Yeah. He's playing like a New Jersey slob, and he's talking to his kids, and he says, sex is like Chinese food. It ain't over till you both get your cookies.

And for some reason, that is so potent in my mind, I can't remember what movie it's from, but for some reason, it's like one of my sexual ethics. Anyways, but I don't remember anything else about it other than this one little flash. Anyway, thanks. So, Lisa, you saw an eagle poop recently.

Good segue. Yeah, I was just trying to tell you how nice my neighborhood was. And I live next to Elysian Park and I was jogging the other day and I watched an eagle land on a tree branch and start shitting and it just kept shitting and a bunch of other joggers stopped

and we were all watching it shit. Did you guys salute? No, we kind of just gazing up at the sky at it. Sure. Just raise your hand to your forehead and think about the sacrifice

of our bounties so you'll sing oh canada at the drop of a hat but you won't do our our summer 11 parody we shed god's grace on thee from far and wide. Something, something, something. I know all the words in French. It's the English translation that I lose sometimes. I mean, the official lyrics are in French. I just gave a cool point to Brian because Brian was filming us for our studio tour.

Oh, good. Glad there's a video of that. Yeah. So what is an eagle poop? Let's get into this. What? What's the question? What is an eagle poop?

Just regular bird poop? What does an eagle poop? Yeah, well, does it poop vole skeletons? Jesse, have you heard of the cloaca? Yeah. That's a fun pronunciation. So a lot of stuff comes out of there. All the pee-poos come out at once.

Sure. And then it just empties until it's done. Do you think he saves it up? Is that what you're saying? Seemed like it. Until he finds a good branch? Until the way this bird was pooping, yeah. What kind of eagle were we talking about?

A bald eagle, hairy eagle? No, it was smaller than a bald eagle. I think it was like a red tail. Hawk? Hawk? Something like that. I don't know. Or maybe an eagle. I don't know. I need to get a bird watching book. But then that means I'm really old when I

start bird watching. So I'm putting it off. Hey, I'm the NPR host here. Thank you very much. Jesse's got to bird watch first and then we can all follow suit. Lisa, what is your favorite animal? You're not even whittling yet, Jesse. I know. You've still got several backwoods hobbies to take up.

I have yet to build myself a canoe. Mm-hmm. I am friends with Norm Abrams, though. Oh, that's great. Yeah. We've been double dating. Oh, that's fun. He's a great wig man, I've heard.

Me and Teresa and him in a lathe. That's fun. He's a great wig man, I've heard. Me and Teresa and him in a lathe. Lisa, what's your favorite animal to draw a picture of? Dogs, horses, or birds, usually. What's your favorite animal? Cabibara.

To own a dog. No, favorite overall. Oh, God. Favorite to hunt. For meat. I guess I like horses. I'm a horse person. You're a horse person? But I also really like birds and parrots a lot.

Do you have a dog of your own? Yes. Do you have a horse of your own? Not yet. Have you ever rented a horse? Yes, I ride horses every weekend. Every weekend? Yeah, I'm riding tomorrow.

Where, down by the stables? Yeah. English style or Western style? Right now I'm riding English, but I want to switch because Western is cooler. Oh, yeah? Mm-hmm. Why is it cooler? Because it's like you're a cowboy.

You get to pretend you're like Clint Eastwood or I don't know. Red Dead Redemption is my favorite game. You know, it's like you get to be in it. I got a little bored of Red Dead Redemption. Yeah. I mean, yeah. The act outs were boring. Yeah.

It was super boring. That part with the Gatling gun, I was like, ugh. I never played it. I never played it. People recommend it a lot. It's very fun. It's all right. It's pretty.

It's mostly you're just riding around in the fucking nothing. But it's so pretty. Going back and forth between one thing and another fucking thing. It's true. I mean, kind of most games become like that. That's the 21st century of video games. How about this? Go back and forth between some shit and some other shit. How about some levels? You get so many chores.

See, now if Red Dead Redemption had herbs to gather... It does. It did? Yes. There's like a specific chore where it's like, my husband is sick and wants me to gather these plants. And you have to go find the plants and then once you gather these plants and you have to like go find the plants

and then once you gather them you bring them and then you realize the husband is dead and they're like propped up yeah i mean this doesn't sound that good it's fun actually that's the best part actually i was kind of with her that was kind of compelling it sounds like a great twist too i think i mixed it up i think it's the wife that has been dead a long time and she's like propped up like and the husband thinks she's still alive but she's clearly dead and yeah. But anyways, there's a – well, then you got to – You just shoot the guy? Yeah.

I mean – I'm playing a – Square the balls. You can shoot him wherever. I'm playing this Lord of the Rings game now and it's a big kind of open world and it has a lot of like fetchy things to do. But at the end of basically every fetchy thing, you just have to kill fucking 40 guys and it's awesome. So like even the most like even the most kind of like busy work, you know, go from one tower to the next thing has just a giant battle in it. It's great.

I see now anything with a giant battle I can't manage. Sure. I only the only thing I like is that Skyrim because because it's like, there's a fighting, a regular fighting. Sure. Which I do like. Mm-hmm. But none of the fighting is confusing.

Mm-hmm. There's not too many things happening, and I can be a guy that just shoots arrows at the other guy. And then runs away. I like Skyrim, too. I'm playing that right now. But I wish there was a mode where I really want to chill out, where I could turn off all the things attacking me. Mm-hmm. and just sort of explore in a peaceful universe.

Is it in Skyrim where just sometimes you just hear, and then just fucking something eats you? Yeah. Sometimes. Like, you just have to remember that, like, if you hear, you have, like, two seconds to prevent yourself from getting eaten. I don't like that. It's too real.

Yeah. I agree. I also don't like the way they have those eagles come in, you know, land on tree branches. Speaking of too real. Speaking of too real. Okay, look, we'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan McElroy. And I'm Dr. Sydney McElroy.

Every Tuesday we bring you Sawbones, a marital tour of misguided medicine, a show about all the dumb, weird, terrible ways that we've tried to fix each other over the years. You know, some light summer listening. Maybe you want to hear about yogurt enemas or why we tried to eat mummies for a while or why drinking cholera diarrhea sounded like a good idea. That and so much more is waiting for you every Tuesday right here on the Maximum Fun Network with Sawbones,

a marital tour of misguided medicine. Love you, love you, love you Love you, love you, love you Love you, love you, love you It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, the voice of the millennial generation. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Lisa Hanawalt, croc lover. Hmm?

Oh! When you say croc lover, you mean that you love crocodiles, right? Yes. But I also love novelty shoes. What about chocodiles? What are those? It's like a little cake. Like a snack cake you would get at a 7-Eleven.

I'm on board. It's like a little Debbie cake. You don't love novelty shoes. You're wearing perfectly non-novel shoes. But I love that novelty shoes exist. Really? Yeah, life's boring and I like it when people like ugly things. That's reasonable.

Yeah, I'll buy that for a dollar. Some corrections. The movie I was thinking of is called Outside Providence. Outside Providence. So it wasn't in New Jersey. It wasn't a New Jersey lout. It was just a general New England lout. Yeah.

Okay. If anyone's seen it, let me know if I should see it. I remember this one scene so potently. New Jersey isn't in New England. It's mid-Atlantic. What is Providence, though? Rhode Island? Yeah.

That's New England, right? Yeah, that's Rhode Island. What did I say? Well, I thought you were implying it, rather than being specifically New Jersey, it was generally New England. Okay. So I was saying New England doesn't include New Jersey. This is mid-Atlantic.

I think we're on the same page about this. Okay, great. Correction two from last week. Then you're not fired anymore. Thank you. Oh, good. Finally, thank you. We already packed up everything.

From this show we share. Correction two from last week. Nirvana Unplugged is pretty good. I had it as a teen. It's a pretty good album. Okay. From last week. Nirvana Unplugged is pretty good. I had it as a teen. It's a pretty good album. Okay. Because last week you spoke ill of the band that the most people agree on in the world.

Yeah. Really? You should talk shit about Nirvana? And have received nothing but support for it, by the way. Wow. This, I thought, I'm like, oh boy, I opened myself up to two weeks of Twitter unpleasantness. It's been nothing but support. I even got some supportive text messages about it. There's literally, I'll join you out there.

I actually do like Nirvana fine. But there's literally nothing in the world that I understand less than the appeal of the band U2. Most popular rock band of the last 30 years. I think you're in the – I think people have come to that now. I think they're now the most hated band. I like some of their older albums though, like Zoropa. Really good.

Okay. You know, I like an old U2 song too, pretty much. But yeah, you're with the world now. I know people are annoyed with them now because they're 60 or whatever. Sure. And they're on my phone and I didn't put them on my phone. Sure. I hate that.

But yeah, I think U2 is one of those bands that now, because of their current goofiness, it's tainted their past credibility. Yeah. I think. That's the general opinion I get. I appreciate that Bono is – Sure. You know that guy Bono? Yeah.

He's a humanitarian. At Bono, he does a lot to prevent AIDS. Yeah. Bono. I wish that once in a while the EJ would lend a hand. But Bono, he does a lot to prevent AIDS. Yeah. Bono. I wish that once in a while the Ege would lend a hand. Sure. Or their drummer.

Oh, man. You know what? If you're in U2 and you're the bassist or the drummer, right now you're just like, why didn't I think of a stupid name? I know. Yeah, both those guys are just, they have names, right? They just sit there playing the drummer of U2, whatever his name is. I know, yeah, both those guys are just, they have names, right? They just sit there, they just sit there playing, the drummer of U2, whatever his name is. I could have been Wings.

Frank, he's like. Wheels. They're not even good names. They're stupid names. He calls himself The Edge. Gooch. Yeah, I could have been Gooch. It could have been Wings and the Gooch.

Bono, Edge, Wings, and the Gooch. Y'all ready for this? I just like, and I'm the Gooch. Sunday, bloody Sunday. Okay, when something momentous happens to you, like let's say you invent the perfect marketing tool for the drummer and bassist of the band U2, we ask you to call us for momentous occasions. 206-984-4FUN is the number that you should program into your goddamn telephone. I can't tell you. I don't want you to tweet at me asking for the fucking phone number after a crocodile bites off your foot.

That's a poor use of everyone's time. I want you to put it in your fucking phone right now like you weren't a fucking idiot. Just pretend for one second that you weren't a retrograde world class moron.

206-984-4FUN You're not really. You're good people. That's why you like-4FUN You're not really You're good people That's why you like Jordan Jessico You're here with us You got that master's degree Good for you

What about that nice That nice dad In the Notre Dame t-shirt At the meetup He liked Jordan Jessico That's great His wife likes One bad mother

You say potato I say potato Let's call the whole thing off Folks Let's call the whole thing off, folks. Let's call the whole thing off. 206-9844-FUN. Put it in your phone. Let's hear our first call this week.

Hey, JJ. Go get it. Call from Georgia. My name is Wensley. I just wanted to let you know I had a bit of a moment of shame on this last momentous occasion. I was driving down the interstate here, and I saw a literal murder of crows feasting upon some kind of dead creature on the road here.

And I decided, since I was listening to y'all at the time, I decided to speed up a little bit to kind of break up the little buffet. And sure enough, I should have taken it as a sign of ill-humor because as soon as I sped up and ran through them, got four old bus cops, and they said that I was doing 93 in a 55. So I'm going to take one for the team of JJ Go listeners. I tried to disrupt a crow party, and the police are on their side. So I just wanted to give you a warning. If you're ever driving through Georgia, interstate police are on the Crow side.

Y'all have a good one. Bye. Crows are devious bastards. I don't know if you know about this, Lisa. Yeah. These crows will do any goddamn thing to get in your head. They're smart. Fucking little bastards. They work together.

What do you think they were feasting on? Human child. Probably. Yeah. I mean, the only thing I think they were feasting on? Human child. Probably. Yeah. I mean, the only thing I can think of. Probably Jennifer Lawrence, America's sweetheart. Yeah. Or possibly a Rumpelstiltskin.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Like a magical gnome. That would be an example of the enemy of my enemy. Sure. And so in that case, I would be a pro-Rumpelstiltskin. Oh, you would want Rumpelstiltskin to defeat the crows just so he can go about tricking millers and stealing babies? I'm willing to allow him to continue tricking millers and stealing babies if he gets rid of the crows.

Because it's like, how many babies can he reasonably steal? It's got to take him at least a month to steal a baby. You know what the lifespan of one of these guys is? One of these Rumpelstiltskin? A thousand years. So you're saying a Rumpelstiltskin lives for a thousand years? Yes. But there's no chick Rumpelstiltskins.

How do they bone down? They're made of a powder. Gotcha. I gotcha. Listen, I don't have time to explain how a Rumpelstiltskin reproduces. Let's just say there's a powder. Is it like a sema? The full moon is involved.

I don't want to get into it. It's too gross. It's like a sema. Here's what I know. Sure. I mean, if you want to oversimplify it to an idiot's degree, yes. There's a little aquarium. Yeah.

You pour the powder into the aquarium. You get it out of the back of a comic book. All of a sudden, a goddamn Rumpelstiltskin steals your baby. Starts tricking Millers and stealing babies. A Rumpelstiltskin can steal upwards of 12,000 babies during its lifetime. The Rumpelstiltskins look so cute in the fucking ad in the back of the

comic book. They're just shrimp, too. That's also an important thing to know about Rumpelstiltskins. They're actually magical shrimps who love to steal babies. I'm sorry, Jesse. I just think you're on the wrong side of this one. No. And on the wrong side of history.

History will validate me. How many estimate, and I'm only asking for a ballpark estimate. Sure. How many active Rumpelstiltskins would you say there are? How many come in one of those little packets? 20, 30. So you say there's 20 or 30 active Rumpelstiltskins, would you say there are? How many come in one of those little packets? 20, 30. So you say there's 20 or 30 active Rumpelstiltskins? No, I mean just per packet.

So I mean I would say ballpark. What kind of business are they doing? 700,000. How many people are – 700,000. How many people would you say are opening up a comic book, flipping through the pages, they see the x-ray specs, they see the kit to make you stop being a Charles Atlas 98-pound weakling. And then they take a look at this one that says, oh, your own. Grow your own Rumpelstiltskin.

Grow your own Rumpelstiltskin. And they say, oh, that's what I should do. I've been meaning to get my baby stole. That's a mistake. I don't think a lot of people make that mistake, though. Yeah, I would say. Whereas, walk out of this room right now. Look up in the sky.

What are you going to see? Sure. Granted. The fluorescent lighting and the drop ceiling of an office building. Continue out of the building. Look up into the sky. I guarantee you'll see 20 or 30 crows. I think you're underestimating the popularity of it.

I mean, I think comic book reading and Rumpelstiltskin creation are linked because they're more popular than ever. Can I tell you what I read in Newsweek? Please. It's almost cool now to be a geek. Yeah. I mean, sure. And that's as counterintuitive as anything I can imagine. I know it sounds crazy.

Even wanting to have 20 or 30 Rumpelstiltskins. Like it's not any more counterintuitive that it would be cool to be a geek than that it would be desirable to have 30 Rumpelstiltskins. But one thing is, if you know what the Rumpelstiltskin's name is, Rumpelstiltskin, you got the market cornered. You can make this Rumpelstiltskin do any goddamn thing. I hate to correct you on this, Jesse. Okay. But Rumpelstiltskin is just what they're colloquially known as. It's like Q-tip.

Oh. It's not the elf's actual name. It's actually something that's hard to guess. So they failed to defend the trademark is what you're saying. Right. Gotcha. And it became a genericized term of art. Sure.

Like Oreo. So it represents all baby-stealing elves. Yeah. That come from a powder. And hop from one foot to the other when they get mad. Mm-hmm. What was it? What what this guy called about he got a speeding ticket the crows tricked him into a goddamn you won't never hear a story no don't open the brothers grim oh this is a story of the time the rumble stilt skin tricked

a guy into getting a fucking speeding ticket for going 93 and a 55 why did he go 93 and a 55. Why did he go 93 and a 55? What was the reasoning? She wanted to scare the crows. And impress Sammy Haycard. She wanted to split a bottle of Cabo Wabo with him. Let's take our next call. Hi, Jordan and Jesse. This is Helen from Denver, the city of sin, apparently, calling in with a moment of occasion. I was coming home. It is around 930, I think, p.m., and I was walking by my neighbor's house, and I looked in the window, and we were sitting in their back room watching The Purge.

And then as I got closer, I realized that the woman was giving her husband a handjob, and they were both just, like like staring at the screen as this was going on. So I have a lot of questions and hopefully I will remember to avoid eye contact the next time I see them out with their kids decorating the house for Halloween, which is what I thought I'm doing yesterday. All right. Thanks.

Bye. Excuse me, ma'am. Have you seen the film The Purge? This is the... Hi. Your neighbor here. Okay. Am I the woman in this scenario?

Oh, sure. Did you want to do an act out? Yeah, let's act it out. Okay. Who's who here? Lisa, you want to be the husband? The one getting the handy? Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Hold on. Brian, insert the sound of an orchestra warming up. Wait, which one of you is my wife? I am. Okay. Mommy, me, momo.

Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather. Okay. I'll get it. I'm your wife. Anyway. My pants are leather. Okay. I'll get it. I'm your wife. Anyway. My pants are down. Cool.

Hold on. Let me get the door. Hide your erection. Oh, it's our neighbor. Hi, neighbor. Hey. Have you ever seen the hit film The Purge? Oh, we were just watching it.

What a coincidence. Yeah, it's the film of the horrible satire about a world where one day a year crime is legal. Oh, fantastic. I've been wanting to watch it. If you don't mind, I'm going to invite myself in. Well, I know what you're

thinking. There's not enough room on your couch. I'll just sit on your husband's lap. Oh, I would maybe. And curtain. Great. God, we're good at actors. No wonder you're in show business, Lisa. Right? God, it's

magical. Very magical. We got any more calls? That's it. That's the end of the calls. 206-9844-FUN. Do you think they were purge fetishists? Like that's purge play? That's fun. I think, I'm going to tell you what I think about this situation, Jordan.

Please, let us know. You've been holding back your opinions for too long. Usually I'm a shrinking violet when it comes to sharing my opinions on Jordan Jessica. But in this case- You're a growing violet. I'm going to make an exception. In this case, you're a growing violet. I'm going to make an exception.

You're rocketing erect out of the soil to tell us what you think. I think this is an activity within wedlock. Yeah. And on the one hand, like even a well-executed handjob is one of the lesser sex acts. But on the other hand, it's like one of the more fun sex acts. Sure. It's a hoot. You can do it while watching a movie, for example. And I just think that it's cool that they're still having some fun.

Sure. Now, I don't know how the purge enters into it exactly. But I think if we called Dan Savage right now, he'd tell us. Good for them. Get some hand jobs going. I agree. Why was she spying on them? I think she was probably just kind of curious about the purge.

She was peeking in their window. Yeah. Sounds like she's peeking. What happens in the Purge? This is the first Purge we're talking about. Probably Purge 1, not Purge Anarchy. Or Purge 360. Oh, man.

I can't wait for Purge 360 where Anderson Cooper gets killed. I was going to guess that it starred Tony Hawk. Ah. Either way. Yeah, that's fun. Do you think Tony Hawk- I don't think anyone should kill Anderson Cooper. I should be very clear. I think he's great. Or fine. Great's a stretch. No, that's fun. Do you think Tony Hawk- I don't think anyone should kill Anderson Cooper. I should be very clear. I think he's great.

Or fine. Great's a stretch. No, you're right. I just felt bad that I had such a delightful reaction to Anderson Cooper getting killed. I felt guilty about it and I felt the need to compensate. Right. Well, no, I mean, nobody wants to kill Anderson Cooper. No.

Wolf Blitzer. Yeah, maybe. Now, Wolf Blitzer- So he can be the number one hunk at CNN again. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. It's Jordan, Jessica. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Lisa Hanawalt, crow trainer. What are you training him to do trainer wouldn't you like to know what are you doing giving him grapes hey Jesse yeah I have a live appearance that I would like to tell our listeners about. It's one of those things that I didn't prepare for. I have to look it up on my phone.

I just remembered it now. Maybe you and Lisa can talk about her podcast for a hot second while I boot that up. I'm just going to zone out. Tell me a little bit. You know, Baby Geniuses in a lot of ways is like this program. It's a free-flowing conversation, often with a guest. I was just thinking that. It's very similar to this program.

In fact, I recently read a tweet from a new fan of Baby Geniuses that said they felt like it was the Lady JJ Goh and they were delighted to have discovered it. Oh, that's great. But, you know, in another way, it's more than just Jordan, Jesse, Go! because it has a theme. Yes. It's loosely... A tidy bit of purpose.

It has some content. That's weird. I like to think of our show as sort of like the front line of podcasting. We do an in-depth look at something, chock full of facts and insights. And you always get both sides of the coin. Yeah. Ours is similar, I'd say. It's loosely knowledge-based. We investigate certain areas of knowledge. We do a wiki page every week. We talk to guests about their areas of expertise or obsession. But we

don't actually know that much. So there is a lot of guesswork involved as well. What's the best thing you learned about on the program? Oh, God, that's a good question. Tell me about it. I'm a professional, folks. Oh, God. Jesse, after he said that, Jesse

just put his arm over his head to smoke a cigarette. Tell me about it. I'm a professional. Hickory dickory duck. I'm good at interviewing chicks. Boom. I interviewed her.

That was Andrew Dice Charlie Rose. that was uh that was andrew dice charlie rose npr dice clay i've got this thing no i want to know no i know i'm just saying it's booted up i want to know too i'm just saying it's ready it's ready once in your fucking life shut the fuck up so lisa can talk oh god i'm blanking though i can't think of a single life, shut the fuck up so Lisa can talk. Oh, God. I'm blanking, though. I can't think of a single thing. Then shut the fuck up. I'm going to talk something. Hey. Hey.

Oh. Shut up your face. So you, yeah. Can you believe they made me the star of a fucking movie? What was it like growing up feeling like you were straddling two worlds? That's Andrew Dice Clay interviewing someone who's biracial. I thought of something that Emily's talked before about this on a different Max Fun podcast that we were just on.

You can say which one it is. Maybe I'll just repeat it. Wait, which one was the one we were just on? I'm blanking on the name. International Waters? That's right. International Waters. We were just on that I'm blanking on the name. International Waters? That's right. International Waters. We were just on that.

She talked about it. But in case you didn't hear it, maybe I'll just – it's our favorite thing. Sure. Okay. So David Smithyman was on our show and he was talking about how he met a lady who investigates homicides and also people who have just passed away of natural causes. When an old person passes away and they have a pet, if they have a pet dog and they pass away, the dog will eat everything else in the apartment and then eventually

maybe they'll start to nibble at the person's fingers or toes and the last thing they eat is the face. The last thing they eat. Because they like the face. Yeah. The faces. I guess. I guess that's why. Nobody really knows why, but I guess so.

And then if the old person dies and they have a pet cat, cat waits an hour or two. Starts with the face. Just go straight for the face. Well, they're practical animals. There's a lot of face meat. Yeah. And then people who love cats who hear this fact, it just makes them love them more, I think. They're still into it.

They're like, yeah. I would gladly give my face to my cat. See? If I died, it might take people a long time because I'm a shut-in. It's called cabeza. Sure. Yeah, exactly. Jordan, what's your live date?

People are in New York City. New York City? That's right. Home of the famous gay cowboy salsa. I't know shitty yeah uh on november 4th i'm gonna be a guest on uh alex zalbin's uh comic book club podcast alex zalbin of the legendary sketch comedy group elephant larry that's the one it's a live podcast so you can come to it zalbin of mbin of MTV Geek? That's the one. This is a show that regularly features superstar celebrities

like Andrew W.K. and people from comic books that I'm not familiar with. And now me, Jordan, some guy you know. Wow. It's November 4th

at Fontana's in New York City. Bill Hader's done that show. Yeah. You're the new Bill Hader. I like to think so. It's my uncanny impressions. And your encyclopedic knowledge of classic films.

That's the one. So, 7 o'clock, Fontana's, New York City. It's at a bar, so maybe we'll hang out and have some drinks afterwards. It's a fun, really fun show. I listen regularly. There's some comic book talk, but mostly it's just a fuck-around podcast. So, if you don't know a lot about comic books and are afraid you'll be lost, I think you'll be fine.

And I'll tell you what, I don't really care about comic books. Of course, I love Lisa Honawalt's work. Thank you. But, you know, I mean, I don't, I'm not against comic books. I've read a fair number of comic books in my time. Where else are you going to get a Rumpelstiltskin? Yeah, sure. Actually, you know what?

A listener works at the publisher of this thing called Fairy Tale Comics which is a comic book compilation of famous comic book artists interpreting fairy tales and it's wonderful and Simon and I like to read it together

sounds fun fucking sent it to me for free and they just got their plug out of it but the moral of the story here Alex Albin

one of the nicest guys one of the smartest guys one of the funniest guys you could ever hope to meet. He's terrific. Great host of this show. I think it's going to be a really fun time. You're going to have a blast. Yeah. You are going to have a blast. If you're lucky, you'll get to meet his wife, Marnie.

Oh, man. I'd love to meet Marnie. Yeah, there's a wife for you. Oh, boy. I like a wife. Let me tell, boy. I like a wife. Let me tell you something. I like a wife. Do not take his wife.

Please. You can take a wife. Okay. Okay. If I find a comely young lass. Presumably you become a farmer. Or a milkmaid. Presumably you become a farmer.

Then you can take a wife. Okay. If she wants to move with me into the dell. If you're a wife, you can take a child. Okay. If you're a child, you're going to have to take a cow. Yeah, so I think people should go to that. Me too.

If you're out there and you host a major celebrated podcast or a big comedy show in New York and you've always wanted to have Jordan on your show, this seems like the time to strike while the iron's hot. I'm going to be there for a couple weeks. I'm going to be there for a couple weeks. I'm going to be there for a couple weeks. You're working on the hit show at midnight. Hit me up. Yeah, hit him up on the tweeters. Sure. At Jordan underscore Morris.

I'm there. Yeah. Jordan's, you know, what's he doing? He's just going around seeing the sights. Sure. Doing some work. Writing some jokes for our friend Chris Hardwick. Eating some hot street spiders.

Yeah. I think that's going to be a blast. Me too. And Lisa's podcast, Baby Geniuses, newest podcast in the Max Fund family. It's a fucking delightful program. I can't recommend it highly enough. Thank you. Yeah.

They're a joy. These two young ladies host this program, Lisa and Emily. They're hilarious. Aw. They're hilarious. They're charming. Stop. And they're a lot of fun. And they love horses. They prefer to ride

Western style rather than English style. Just me, not Emily. Emily doesn't. Emily prefers English style. She doesn't like horses. She likes the steeplechase. What do you like?

Like a fat horse? What type you like? Like a fat horse or a – what type of horse? What style of horse do you like to ride on? Clydesdale? I like a short horse. A short horse? Yeah. That's called a pony, ma'am. Yeah.

Well – That's a baby horse, Jessie. No. No, it's not. What's a baby horse? A colt? A colt or a foal or a filly. Or a filly.

So many names are horses. That's why – that's where you get the name filly fanatic. Oh, okay. He had that giant crazy nose. He's an alien who loves tiny horses. Yeah. Our producer is Brian Fernandez, a.k.a. Sonny D. Our theme music, Love You, by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records from the album Kites Are Fun, the best of The Free Design, which is a wonderful and charming thing.

Go to MaximumFun.org slash MaxFunWeek for all the MaxFunWeek info. Even if MaxFunWeek has elapsed, it doesn't mean you can't do some of the cool stuff. Do the stuff. Rocket drawing contest. Sure. That's not until Tuesday. Do the stuff. Rocket drawing contest. Sure. That's not until Tuesday. You got time.

Plenty of time. That's it. Done. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.