Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 362: Holiday Monster with Kevin Pereira

Episode Date: February 2, 2015

Kevin "Sprinkles" Pereira joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Santa, Snapchat, and Jordan's new calendar. 

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, I gotta give you a fair warning here. Okay. By the way, Jordan Jesse Goh is a podcast. I was gonna have a thing at the beginning of every episode where we describe

what happens on the show um i don't know you had any ideas uh jordan jesse go uh is a podcast that's like if you put a bag of microwave popcorn in the microwave and you took it out and it was just butter steam that came out. It's like that, but a podcast. Like a buttery steam, and you're like, where's the popcorn? Ah, fuck it. I'm just going to go jerk off. Okay. Welcome to Jordan, Jesse, Go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio. We're just resetting. Yeah, so you're just going to do that? I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, Jesse, Go, of course. The podcast, it's like if you put a bag of microwave popcorn in the microwave, you press the popcorn button. I'm blushing.

Should I not have? I don't really like the ad libs. I mean, I was very particular about the wording of it that first time. Okay. Can I hear it one more time? Yeah. Jordan Jesse Go is like if you put a bag of microwave popcorn in the microwave, and then you opened it, and all that came out was butter, steam, and then you're like, what the fuck happened to the popcorn? Oh, well, I'm just going to go jerk off.

Okay. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan Jesse Go, of course, the podcast where you jerk off in a bag of microwave popcorn. You know what? I like it better. I like it better.

I'm not too big a man to say- You're a mid-sized man. I'm a medium man, and as a medium man, I can say when someone has improved upon my copy. You have medium stature and medium honor. And I'm also in middle management, too. Right. So you got to go through this guy if you want to talk to the big boss. By the way, can you give me those reports?

Yes, sir. They'll be on your desk by Tuesday. I'm sorry for the delay. My wife died. Anyway, fair warning. I'm not – it doesn't concern me. Okay. Can you keep your personal business at home?

Sorry, sir. I just wanted to let you know that I had to make funeral arrangements. I guess specifically I'm wondering why you brought your dead wife to work. To prove to you that I'm not full of shit. Look at this mummy. Okay. So here's the fair one. Can I take a half day to bury this corpse?

Right now, I'm pumped up on Excedrin. Oh, my. I took some Excedrin. I was getting a migraine. Okay. Took some Excedrin. Oh, my. I took some Excedrin. I was getting a migraine. Okay. Took some Excedrin. The Excedrin doesn't make my migraines go away. It just gets you juiced.

But it does get me pumped. Okay. So I'm pretty pumped right now. But if at some point I go out like a narcoleptic, it's because that Excedrin wore off. Sure. I'll just grab the wheel, pull the handbrake, turn into the skid. Oh, we do this while driving. This is Do You Need a Ride starring Chris Fairbanks.

Let's introduce our guest on the program. Our guest is a longtime television, radio, and internet personality. He is the host of the podcast Pointless. You know him, of course, primarily from SugarShack.com. Holy shit. Please welcome to our podcast Kevin Pereira. Hello.

Hi, Kevin. Hello, gentlemen. Yeah. So good to see you. Good to be seen by you. In contact, there's a scene. Okay, now, before we go. There's a scene where the blind guy comes in and because he doesn't

have sight he can hear that the signal is interlaced I have to give some context he can hear video I don't think it needs any

and he hears it and he's like oh it's Hitler that makes sense let's build their machine now you've seen the movie you're good hey guys

thanks for having me Jordan and Kevin were talking about what their favorite scene from the movie Contact let me be to even more clarity

we were struggling to pick our favorite scene from Contact because they're like potato chips. You can't just have one. Sure. And – Yeah. It's a Sophie's choice. While this movie was described to me by my coworker at the mayor's office of neighborhood services

in San Francisco when I was a teenager. I had never seen the film personally. Kevin, your original favorite scene, what was it? I know we've kind of flip-flopped a little bit since then. I'm standing firm. I think it's I'm okay to go. Because, of course, they wanted to add a chair for her safety. That wasn't in the original alien design when you were traveling through the missions. This is Jodie Foster before she goes into the wormhole.

Correct. And so she is there. She is shaking. The readings are off the chart. She manages to get out. I'm okay to go. Let the record show that Kevin Pereira has flung himself into the act of shaking with such enthusiasm. I don't know if you guys sweetened this in post, so I figured I better do the effect now.

I'm basically a human VST. I figured I'd better do the effect now. I'm basically a human VST. I figured I'd give you the effect. So you're a VST. Yeah, but if you could add a slight reverb and flanger to that, we'll really get the texture. I think this is better than when we had Michael Winslow in here. Oh, hey, Michael. You know what?

You don't even have to say, can you add some reverb and flange to this. We run all this. Actually, Brian, our producer over here, he's got a whole set of guitar pedals. He keeps hitting. This whole thing is going to be one big crybaby wah-wah pedal. Our voice.

Welcome to Bounch. My favorite scene was, it's so beautiful, they should have sent a poet. Right. Which is her description of an alien planet. She feels bad. She goes to an alien planet? Well, that's up for you, the viewer, to decide. Oh, so it's...

Unless you read the book, in which case, yes, she definitely goes. But in the movie... Spoiler, in the movie... Might have been just a dream. Listen, she's wearing a Sony headset. It records, like, you know, three hours of static. But in real time, her little travel ball, her pod, just landed in a net. So it's up to you.

Do you want her to go to a planet? If you do, she did. Can I tell you something about... Oh, yeah, she's naked up there, too. She's totally naked. As long as what I want to happen is happening. And she has three tits like the girl from Total Recall because all alien racks come in threes.

This is starting to sound... It's a very good movie. It's a very good movie. The contact is the sexual contact between her and the alien. A lot of people think it's the original contact, the signal, but that is just, that's the foreplay. And the contact high she gets because the alien's hotboxing the pod. Totally new. Totally hot.

I don't know a lot about contact. In fact, what? No, no. The last time I was on this podcast, it was all Russian literature jokes, and I was left out. So we're going to talk about contact for an hour and a half. Can I tell you? I know two things about contact. I know that my coworker at the mayor's office of neighborhood services, she really enjoyed it.

That's number one. Of course, number two, I know that contact is the answer the moment that everything happens. Contact. Three, two, one. Contact. KQED's finest. So that's all I got. That's all I got on contact.

You've heard all of my contact material. But if you guys want to just do contact. No, let's talk about jizz and popcorn bags more. I got some good material on that. I'm totally fine to continue that line of thought. I thought when you said I'm not a large man, I thought you were talking about your ability to fill the popcorn bag. Oh, yeah, with my masculinity. With my male popcorn.

With your popcorn. With my male snacks. What's going on, gentlemen? How are you guys? The Sugar Shack, wow. That was a throwback. That was nice. I think we talked about that maybe on the last time you were on the show many years ago.

A decade or so, yeah. We talked about that maybe on the last time you were on the show many years ago. A decade or so, yeah. But our – or my neighbor, my freshman year of college, big sugar shack enthusiast, serious sugar shack enthusiast. And come eight years later, I meet the great Kevin Sprinkles Pereira. Yeah. Oh, I still get that from time to time. And I'm talking to him about his illustrious history in internet broadcasting. He says, I started out on this website called The Sugar Shack as a streaming broadcaster.

Weren't you like a 17-year-old or something? Yeah, I was 14 at the time. I started doing prank calls and stuff for them. Quaking tips? Yeah. Yeah, a little bit. And I said, oh, yeah, sure. I know about the sugar shack. Dan Grayson loved the sugar shack.

You don't have to explain that to me. You ever visit a website called Dan's Showcase? It was pictures of Heidi Klum. I missed that. It was a fun website he curated. Curated photographs of Heidi any time. Sure. Some showed up in a magazine.

He'd head out to the magazine racks, give it a scan. This was the internet in 1999. And he was known for his high-quality scans. No creases. Oh, absolutely not. There were no weird swirls or dust or pubic hair in between the scan and the flatbed. He had a flatbed scanner. Yeah, he would Windex it every time.

Oh, yeah. You don't want to see a pube ghost on Heidi Klum when you're jerking it to some cookies. Remember the handheld scanner? You'd have to squeegee a paper to get it in, and then it would be misaligned, and you'd have to go and fix the tear. Nice Logitech. Yeah. Get out there and get a nice Logitech scanner. I mean, when I hear people talk about this sort of thing, I think this was definitely an era of the internet that I was not on the internet for. This like kind of, you know, early internet stuff.

I think the first website I ever went to was Hotmail. Sure. And I definitely was not doing any of these, you know, geocities and – I should explain. Dot news groups. Literally the only thing Jordan does with the internet is Snapchat. It's just Snapchat, Snapchat, Snapchat. I like it

because it goes away. Yeah, and we can do it with other teens. Just checking in with the other teens, seeing what they're up to. Are you grilling them about their viewing habits? And occasionally, occasionally I'll make a vine where I put on a wig and yell. I have a bazillion followers. Do you have any produce coming out of your mouth or any other orifice?

Yeah, yeah. Sometimes I'll spit out a tomato and let people know about new Nikes. I make $400,000 a year. I read an article in Snapchat. In Slate. It was a six-second article. I read an article in Slate.com, our online magazine. You know what?

Dick pic doesn't count as an article, Jesse. If it has a tattoo on it, it does. That's true, yeah. Hashtag blessed. I read an article in Slate.com about Snapchat. And the content of this article was the technology columnist for Slate.com was confused as to how to use Snapchat. And he said, I'm 32 years old and I think I've become old. Yeah.

And when he said that in this article, I thought, well, I'm 33 years old and I'm reading about Snapchat in Slate. So I'm pretty sure I'm old. Sure. Is that how you found out about Snapchat though? Come on, because you're pretty connected. It's famous. Everybody knows about I'm old. Sure. Is that how you found out about Snapchat, though? Come on, because you're pretty connected. It's famous. Everybody knows about the dick pics. Sure.

At least, I mean, reading about it on Slate is one thing, but at least you weren't hearing about it while relaxing on the porch at a bait shop. That would make you a little bit older. Oh, I was Whitlin? Yeah. I was going to say, how far into the Whitlin were you? Did you have the boxcar done? I don't know much about it. Honestly, well, I—

I recently embraced Snapchat. I kind of get it now. Tell me what you— And let me be clear. I'm three days into the embrace. This romance could end by Monday with my history. Sure. Well, you've got Snapchat.

I've got using my camera on manual mode. Three days. Three days in. Halfway down to focus? Or no, that's still auto? I don't know how that works i you know i am using it now because it is the barrier to entry is literally you load the app you press the button and your video is out there and you're done you don't think about it and

i have some issues with it partially because i feel like i'm generating content but when i add it to my story so people can watch over and over again it's gone after 24 hours and i sort of feel like if i'm going to invest any amount of time into creating something, even if it is just me at an Ikea bitching about the furniture that I'm buying, which was riveting, by the way. You missed it 72 hours ago in the Snapchat. Yeah. But, like, I feel like if I'm going to create that stuff, it should continue to exist. I mean, just having – It shouldn't self-destruct.

Just having taken your dick out at the Ikea is significant enough. Right. You would want that to be out. And I rested it on a Bacant. Right. A five-sided Bacant. Oh, five-sided Bacant. Yeah.

That's the dick resting place of champions. Those meatballs aren't Swedish. Oh, I like that, actually. Yeah, it's pretty good. First I was like, what's a good champion? Portuguese meatballs. That's it. I got it.

Yep, I got it. Yep, I got it. Yep. If you're worried, does Kevin Pereira come ready to rock? Kevin Pereira's pumped for this shit. You take him

to a set every other time. Kevin Pereira's like, which direction you want to go? Let's do this. I know the trade secrets. I know the trade secrets.

You want to do a summary of contact. You want to talk about jerking it at the IKEA. Kevin, you're floored in the platform. Javing your floor in the park. Listen, we went over the segments. Yeah. I got it.

Our producer gave you the rundown. We got a pretty strong contact lead in. We're going to roll on into fantasy sports, right? Sure. So you're generating content for what? Teens? For anybody that will watch. But I imagine, yeah, Snapchat.

Well, you know, I'm encouraging people to send me snaps, which has been the really interesting thing is being able to swipe through and see. The variety of dongs that your fans have. Exactly. All shapes. Mostly small. You know, no penis is abnormal. Yeah. I think they're all beautiful.

I feel like that's something certain guys tell themselves. Well, it's something my doctor told me when I brought him a few concerns I had. Sure. I've seen one like this before. On a cat, but still. We talked about barbed penises, didn't we? I think we did. We did.

It's a favorite topic of mine. Yeah, we're right back to it. No, you know, Snapchat recently added a sort of featured content section. And that's what got me reinterested in it. So it's like content from Comedy Central, from National Geographic, from their own media production. So when you look at it. That's a little classier than I would have given Snapchat. It's very diverse.

Slate is on there. I don't know if Slate's on there. So when we say National Geographic, are we talking about like. Some hot Stephen Metcalf dong pics. It's not just dong pics. Is it anthropology information or are we talking about just mini documentaries on MS-13, the world's most dangerous gang? Whip out your snaps. See, it's already up to go.

And now, oh, video is happening. And this is amazing. Your teens are going to love this. What? Yeah. Teens are going to love this. Oh, my God. Guys, the ratings are in.

Season two. we're ahead um let me uh let me show you so you're gonna snap that no you can see i already did oh cool so cnn comedy central daily mail food network vice yahoo new like they have this new content partnership and so if let's see if you hit you know comedy central sure when did we decide to go to a fucking multimedia conference where kevin perera is that? Well, if you look over here at the keynote, let me show you the profit and loss projections

for the next five years. But look, you can see it's playing a clip of something. You can swipe through it and if you actually want that clip, you swipe up and it plays right there in line. So as everybody scrambles

over the next three to five years, I mean, this year is the year of the over-the-top box. You know? Do you know, for the guys familiar? I don't have any idea what that is.

Over-the-top, meaning that your content is, your cable box is considered. That's the that's the box. And going over the top means you're providing media on top of that. You're you're going around the traditional cable box. Feel cable reach around. Exactly. So the digital reach around.

Sure. Yeah, I own that dot com. So you don't need the cable box. And so it's interesting that Snapchat. Yes. Dick pic joke ground. It's very fertile for that. But if you swipe left, suddenly you're getting content from major media outlets.

And this could be – How does the ghost fit into all this? Well, he stares at you lovingly while buffering. Okay. He makes a silly face at you. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. He's still there.

Is this the ghost from Waze.com? Yeah. This is the same ghost. I got that thing on my there. Is this the ghost from Waze.com? Yeah. This is the same ghost. I got that thing on my phone. It's the ghost of the pets.com puppet. It's just Michael Ian Black going, I have a website,

chocolate.shoes. I registered that on the internet. Go on. I own it. I went on the registering website. I own it. I went on the registering website. I typed in chocolate.shoes. Yeah. And I paid for it myself.

I own it. So there is a.shoes top-level domain extension that exists now? It's a premium extension. Of course it is for fetishists. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But, you know, they're willing to go the extra mile, and so am I. I've got a hybrid fish, is what they call it in the business.

Feet and dessert? Yeah, feet and dessert. Mmm. Fondue feets. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan J. Segoe. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la We're Dave and Graham, and we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. We started this podcast back in 2008, before podcasts had to have any kind of concept, so we don't really know how to describe it. It's kind of like going to the barber shop, if your barber knew all about the first season of the show elf it's like a 90 minute massage

where the masseuse is two people talking to each other with a third person it's like the monsters of metal tour only quieter no music and just talking it's like a makeout session but without the lips touching they just talk a lot download stop Stop Podcasting Yourself from iTunes or MaximumFun.org. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, Radisson Donuts. Oh, that's right. You have one of the most legendary nicknames in the history of Jordan Jesse Goy. You're no Kurt Explodo Anderson. What, did he bring you Thermite? Celebrated. Science humor. Celebrated novelist

and public radio host. World-class guy whose apparently actual childhood nickname was Explodo because he loved explosions so much. Jeez Louise.

What was I going to talk to you guys about? Oh, I was going to talk to you about this calendar you have in your hand, Gordon. Yeah. I mean, I feel like before I show this – well, here. There's a note attached. You're not actually going to – just to be clear, you're not actually going to show it. You're not a three-year-old talking on the phone to his grandparents. Can I show you my new toy?

Yeah. So this was a listener sent this in. I'll take mail here at MaxFun headquarters if you want to send me mail. 2404 Wilshire Boulevard, number 9A, Los Angeles, California, 90057. This is from Shannon Wallace. Nice listener, Shannon Wallace. Five, seven. This is from Shannon Wallace.

Nice listener, Shannon Wallace. And I think from her note, which is on this lovely bee stationary. Can I take a look at this stationery? Yeah, sure. It's a bee stationery. On the flip side, though, it is a swastika. Just want to be clear about that. I mean, it's hand-drawn, so it's nice. It's very cute.

Yeah. Can we address the fact that her middle name is Baronette? Sure. My favorite woodwind. I like Sure. My favorite woodwind. I like that. My favorite Lady G.I. Joe. I know that's Baroness. Internet.

I like that your own troll voice comes out. Yeah. That's my defending myself voice. She's the firstborn child of point guard Baron David. And I think she was listening, and I guess maybe listeners need a little bit of background if they haven't been listening long. I mean, I think you were talking on the show about your new bunny calendar. Well, actually, I should provide some context.

Sure, please. So in early December, well, every year, my wife gets me a calendar for Christmas. Or she helps Santa Claus pick one out sometimes. And in the past, historically, it was a bunny rabbit calendar. We used to talk about it on the show sometimes. Then I honestly got tired of bunny rabbit calendars, made the switch over to puppies. calendars, made the switch over to puppies. And then the following year we went ahead, we've had two consecutive years, both 2013 and 14, were hero dogs.

Honestly, disappointed. Are these dogs dressed as superheroes or these are dogs dressed as like firefighters or these are actual? These dogs have done more for America than you have. So shut your fucking mouth. Listen, here's a question. Do not disrespect these dogs. I respect their service. I'm really glad that they couldn't afford

college. Have you ever caught a person in the midst of an epileptic seizure? I'm not. I'm just saying, he can do that while dressed as Spider-Man. It would make it cuter. No, that's fair. But frankly, a lot of the heroism of these hero dogs

was a little disappointing. Like one of the hero dogs, what makes him a hero is that he visits schools promoting dog adoptions. It's like I've all four dog adoptions, but any dog could do that. That's not a particularly heroic act for a dog. It had to go. It's owner took it.

It behaves pretty well in the car while it's being taken. Yeah. Like I, that, so anyway, I was done with that. And in early December of this past year. What about a dog that, like, when you're watching, like, Simpsons reruns that are on in, like, the evening. Yeah. What about a dog who goes over and changes the channel if you've seen that one too recently? Or if it's season 12 or later.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Between 3 and 12. If it's season 12 or later. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You don't really need to see this. Between 3 and 12. If it's between 3 and 12, leave it alone. Yeah. And I just watched the monorail one, so I don't want to see that for a while. I feel like a real hero dog would be a dog that looks at TV Guide, I guess now TVGuide.com,

looks up the VCR plus number. TVguide.choose. And looks up the VCR plus number for the one where Mr. Burns brings all the ringers for the softball team. Oh, sure. Yeah, that's a good one. And then types that into your VCR pad so you can record it without even having to do anything. Because the VCR plus number, that programs the VCR to record. As long as the clock on the VCR is set properly, which any chocolate lab should be able to do.

Well, if you've got a chocolate lab or higher. Certainly, if you have a border collie, that's one of the smartest dogs around. Right. They're going to fast forward the tape so you're not recording over the Judge Judy. If you've got a pug, all you're getting on that tape is like 10 Judge Joe Browns. Yeah. Okay. So that's a real hero dog.

So in December of this year, a kind listener sent me as a gift a bunny calendar. Now, I didn't solicit this calendar and in fact it was pretty problematic it caused what some would term a rift in my marriage because my wife and santa claus this is like a important project for the two of them and my wife saw it on my desk. It was as though she saw – she found an earring in my car. You know what I mean? Or a pair of ladies' underwear that weren't hers at the bottom of our bedsheets. So it really caused a problem. Then my wife got me a bunny calendar.

And now, you know, I saw a bunny, a January bunny that was actually two bunnies. A white bunny. Oh, my God. We already talked about this. We already talked about this. You've described these bunnies. In the same photo? I didn't want to hear about it the first time.

Against each other, they're friends. Like nose to nose? No, side to side. Oh, side to side. Okay. So it's not a requiem for a bunny thing. This is ridiculous. I'm sorry.

This is what happens in Zooey Deschanel's vagina. I haven't heard this. So are they on a grassy hole? Are they in front of like a farmhouse? Are they like in a bucket? They're in a grassy field. That's really cute. That sounds adorable.

It's like a nail in my ear. A listener went on Facebook, on our Facebook group, and confirmed she has the same bunny calendar I have. Well, great. Congratulations. You're all a bunch of fucking pussies. So anyway, speaking of pussies, let's talk about what's in your hand. No.

So yeah, I think our listener heard that you had gotten this calendar. Right. By the way, sidebar. Yeah. You say your wife and Santa work together each year. Right. To bring you this calendar. Yeah.

Have you ever thought. thought yeah as a thank you yeah to invite santa into your love making well jordan here's the issue i'm a beard rash i'm a too much static during oral. As you know, I'm a heterosexual man. Sure. That means that as a man, a heterosexual man is someone who likes to have love and the physical act of love with a woman.

Okay. man, if I brought him into our act of lovemaking, his personality is so magnetic that I would become gay and my marriage would be destroyed. Technicality. I mean, some would say, I mean, I don't think this has been confirmed by science yet, but I think it's certainly a theory that Santa is less of a man and more of a kind of a holiday elf. Okay. I know he has elves, but I think he's a mythic being. In some ways, he's like the metaphorical representation of the spirit of the season.

And in that sense, I have brought him into my life okay like there's a certain generosity of spirit sure and celebration of the love that we all share as fellow travelers on this crazy spaceship earth uh that that i try and that i do try and bring in to the bedroom and the intimacies that I share with my wife. How does that manifest itself exactly? In the weeks between Thanksgiving and, I mean, I guess just more oral. Yeah. Just more of it.

With a pumpkin spice latte palate cleanser. Right. Right. Jesse's a little bit of a basic bitch. Very seasonal. What can I say? Kevin, which holiday monster do you most want to make love with? Let me start. I'll start. Can I only pick one?

You can only pick one. Which holiday monster do you want to penetrate the most? I'm just saying. I think I'm going Lincoln for President's Day. Okay. Holiday monsters. Does the tooth fairy count?

Yeah, the tooth fairy is a holiday monster. Yeah, absolutely. So anyway. A listener sent you a calendar. A listener heard that maybe Jesse was enthusiastic. The tree from Arbor Day. A listener heard that Jesse had gotten this bunny calendar. I'm not nuts about hearing about it.

So this G.I. Joe character, Shannon. Yeah. Sent me a calendar. 2015. She actually goes by Baronette. Oh, sure. 2015 magnetic calendar. Right.

What cats can teach us. Oh, really? And every month there's a little kitty and a special quote about, you know, cats and their place in our lives. The first kitty for January. Can we speculate a little bit? Hold on. I want to talk about this kitty. He's a gray and white kitty.

Can I ask you a question, Kevin? Of course you can. I think he's part Siamese. And he's got big blue eyes. And he's sitting in a little chair. I don't pretend to learn anything. The thrill of the endless pursuit. It's like a wooden chair.

Of a laser pointer. Aimless leisure. And he's looking off to the side. I don't know. Maybe he's looking at some treats. Jordan, we don't need to hear about this cat. And the quote is, what greater gift than the love of a cat? And January is almost over.

So let's look at the kitty for February. It's a little gray kitty. Oh, he's very young. How about the love of a person who can talk and understands what love is? And a little gray kitty. Oh, he's very young. How about the love of a person who can talk and understands what love is? And he's laying down. Oh, he's in bed. I don't know if he should be on the bed, but he's there, and he looks snuggly. So this is a gray cat, Jordan?

Well, he's a little gray cat. He's got big blue eyes. Oh, great. Well, we know what we need to know. Now shut the fuck up. I love cats because I enjoy my home, and little by little, they become its visible soul. Jean Cotillet. Jean Cotier. Jean Cotier?

The Couturier? The fashion designer? Jean Cotier? Oh. C-O-C-T-E-A-U? Oh, I don't know who that is. Mixed martial artist. He's got a killer.

Brings that cat on the shoulder of the ring every time. Sure. You know what? Pumps him up. I really enjoyed that Steven Soderbergh movie that he made with Cotillet. Even though Cotillet is an untrained actor, I felt like he brought a certain... There was an intensity. Yeah.

And I think it's partially because of his love of cats. That's a really good point. Which movie was this? Was this the one with the guy with the scorpion jacket? Yeah. Yeah. Got it. Got it.

Loved it. On it. On it. Loved it. On it. Real good. On it. Pereira's on it. That's our motto. What do you think about January Kitty? January...

I love this aloof stare to the side, as you alluded to. We don't know what is happening in the corner. Is it an aquarium? Could be a laser pointer? Could be a... This kitty is giving us a real two-thirds look. Yeah. Yeah, good profile pic.

Real good. It's a nice, I mean, it's a nice kitty. Healthy paws. Charles Dickens. Yeah. Did you say that? Because I didn't know it was Dickens. I did say, I think I said Charles Dickens.

With greater gift than the love of a cat. I mean, there's, again, to be clear, many greater gifts. Like a Keurig. Right. Literally. Like the brand name. Yeah. The real deal. Yeah, right. The attention of a human. Right. Literally. Like the brand name. Yeah.

The real deal. Yeah. Right. The attention of a human. Yeah. Yeah. You settle for what you can. Yeah.

It's fine. Just a really good fantasy baseball draft. Here's the thing about Dickens though. He was paid by the word. Right. So he sometimes wrote sentences that were not true. Well, in the 19th century, you literally would have throngs of people at the docks waiting for the latest Dickens cat aphorism to appear from England. Hear ye, hear ye.

Their tails are fuzzy and we like to hug them. Anyway, this is England. Can you give a cat a hug? Will it tolerate that? Oh, cats love hugging. Really? Oh, yeah. I'm hugging this cat 24-7. Can you give a cat a hug? Will it tolerate that? Oh, cats love hugging. Really? Oh, yeah. I'm hugging this cat 24-7.

The cat in the cat house? No, here's what my cat does. She stands on the coffee table. Right. And I will approach the coffee table. And she will stand on her back legs and put her front legs kind of up here on my tummy. Uh-huh. And then she'll get a hug.

Oh. Your cat's like people. Yeah. That's really sweet. Yeah. She'll full-on spoon if she gets in the bed, too. I practically have to

chase my dog around for a hug, but I'll do it. I don't give a shit. Oh, yeah. They love hugging. They're hugging like motherfuckers. I can't do the cat thing

because I know, well, partially, are their personalities, are they completely independent, or do their personalities become a reflection of their owner? That's a good question. I don't know how – Because I don't know how – It feels like any dog breed, you can beat the personality into them.

We know that. Oh, yeah. But with a cat, you might just get an asshole. Sure. Right? It's a dice roll. You have no idea. Yeah.

I think maybe my advice, R.E. cat choosing, would maybe to, you know, I would say get a shelter cat because, you know, for, you know, political reasons. We don't need to put more cats into the world. There's a lot of them. Tons of them. Some of them need a home. Yeah. But also I think that, you know, if you get a cat who's a little bit older, they've kind of had their personality established. And I think that, you know, if they've spent a lot of time in a shelter with a bunch of other cats and

some different kinds of people maybe it mellows them out a little bit so I think you don't get a cat that you know is a kitten and then gets left alone and gets a little crazy so yeah that'd be just like humans because years locked up in the pen really chills people out yeah they're back into society oh yeah not skittish at all nope okay

that's been my experience my uh so fucking chill right now. My sister lives, moved into a new place not too long ago, and the landlord has not banned cats, but there's a tenant who says that they have an allergy so severe that no one in the building can have a cat, which is weird. My sister would like one, and she thinks she can – if maybe she got it designated a service animal, she could do something about it. There's no official no cats policy. Yeah, but I think it would have to be something where she would have to write a letter or something.

I think she'd have to find a hero cat. Sure, yeah. If you go – I was renewing my medical marijuana license yesterday. They also will give you a bullshit service animal license. Oh, two for one? Yeah. So I like that there's a place you could go for any, like, barely legal license. I feel like I read a magazine article.

I think it was one of those, I can't think of what her name is. The woman who writes the moderately humorous first-person journalism articles in The New Yorker that are usually about shopping. This one, I think, was about service animals. And she just got a

variety of different animals, got them certified as service animals, and then tried to take them on the Greyhound and stuff. That's pretty good. So she showed up with, like, a petting zoo to a Starbucks. Yeah, she took— And was like, no, I need these for comfort. This is my service snake.

She took, like, a tortoise on an airplane. Wow. Yeah, and it all worked out fine. The only trouble she had was getting in the taxi cab on the way— No, maybe it was one of those like a super shuttle. Yeah. Oh, sure. With the tortoise.

I don't know how that is. Oh, yeah. It's a shared ride vehicle. Sure. You know they make the hypoallergenic cats? Oh, yeah. They actually have hypoallergenic tortoises now, too. Wow.

No dander? They de-shell them. Because, yeah, because that's what people are allergic to is the shell. Yeah, of course. They're called iguanas. Just a nude tortoise. Yeah. No dander. They look weird. Yeah, she could get the shell. Yeah, of course. They're called iguanas. Just a nude tortoise. Yeah. No dander.

They look weird. Yeah, she could get the hypoallergenic option. Then you're the neighbor with the allergies. Yeah, I think this might just be a cranky neighbor situation. I think so. I think you could get it and just rub the cat along her front door as much as you can. And knock and run away. Cats love that.

Yeah. They love to be rubbed on doors. Jesse, your thoughts. Would you like to be rubbed on a door. Yeah. They love to be rubbed on doors. Jesse, your thoughts. Would you like to be rubbed on a door? I mean, if the person said that they were literally so allergic to me that I couldn't live in the apartment complex, I'd rub myself on that door. Sweet dude. You know, go fuck yourself. Yeah.

Allergic person. I don't know, Jordan. Okay. I'm going to be honest. The Excedrin's starting to wear off. Oh, okay. I don't know, Jordan. Okay. I'm going to be honest. The Excedrin's starting to wear off. Oh, okay. I don't know. Okay.

Yeah. All right. So you want to just change moods right now? Maybe just kind of make it more of a quiet storm kind of show? Do you want us to just start quoting more contact for you? Could you? You're pretty pumped. So would you mind leaving?

And if you see Sade out there, could you bring her in? Yeah. Yeah. If you're wondering where to look, she's somewhere between L.A. and Chicago. All right. Get right on that. We'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Jessica.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morse, boy detective. New media darling, Kevin Sprinkles Pereira. He's double nicknaming. Did you notice that? Hey, I'm coming for you, fucking Explodo.

It's a new year. Oh, wow. You hit your sights set on the elbows, man. Wow. Throwing them bows. You can't take me and my service cockatiel. He has a little vest on. It's a thunder blanket.

You know, we're Kickstarter and like crazy over here. Oh, my God. We got like seven grand raised towards Sonny D's internet television show. Brian and Lindsay will totally eat that. If you want to watch the pilot, just go to chocolate.shoes. That's where the pilot is. Chocolate.shoes. But we are getting very close to at $10,000, Hover is going to give us $10,000. Hot damn.

So that will get us two-thirds of the way up to our goal of $30,000 for this show. It is getting closer and closer and closer as we do this. We just passed $8,000. Oh, we just passed $8,000. Whoa! So we are very close. And I want to emphasize something here. The minimum donation for this is $1.

You know, you can get more money and there's all kinds of cool prizes and shit. What do they call them? Rewards. There's all kind of cool rewards. All the way up to, you know, you can come and hang out with us while we're shooting and pick one of the foods and throw it at Brian and Lindsay.

But a dollar. Just a dollar. This is like our, like, canmaximumfundoutorg make video. I think we can. Watch the pilot. I think it's pretty fun. And we're trying to pretty soon we're going to have a second episode up. Jay Frosting editing it

right now. Right this very second. Anyway, go watch the pilot at chocolate.shoes. You know, take a look. I think it's probably worth a dollar. Kevin, can we get a Snapchat update? How many snaps, how many heart snaps is our chat? 53 ghost emojis. Yeah, and 12 scary pumpkins.

So we did it. We won the internet. Can I tell you who loves emojis? My three-year-old. Oh. He begs to send a text message to his Aunt Fran very regularly, he begs to send a text message to his Aunt Fran very regularly which means he just wants to

he will like yell at us about which picture to send her he'll be like I want airplane I want airplane I have to go find fucking airplane I want birthday cake it is hard to find the emoji you're looking for there's no rhyme or reason

because they use emojis to sort the emojis and you know the angry monkey is under the human face what's what There's no rhyme or reason to it because they use emojis to sort the emojis. Yeah, sure. You know, the angry monkey is under the human face. Yeah. What's what? Yeah. And there's no- Demon face is under cake.

Right. It just doesn't add up. If you're out there- You just start to worry about your son when he only wants to send the most sinister of emojis. Can I recommend this? There's a lot of different Japanese demons in emoji. I love the lack of- We talked about this on At Midnight for a second when we were getting ready. There's zero ethnic emojis.

Oh, sure, yeah. There's like, ah. Ah, it's like a gentleman in a turban. Yeah, I think that's it. That's all you got. It's Kathy in the pink shirt with the Doug, the blue shirted dude. Sure. Or guy in turban.

Yeah. And then the, yeah, blue shirt and dude. Sure. Or Guy in Turban. Yeah. And then a wind devil. Right. A Japanese wind devil. I think they are. And 40 close-ups of hands. I think they have been. If I were going to have a sections for the emojis, I'm looking at smiley faces, people, holiday monsters.

That's all I got. Yeah. And service animals. Yeah. And then nine different That's all. Yeah. And service animals. Yeah. And then nine different kinds of buildings. Right. We're going to meet at short office church background. Yeah.

Oh, that sounds great. Let's do that. Blue three-story. The buildings are separated. You got your deco buildings. Right. Got your modernist buildings. Of course, you got your brutalist buildings.

Yeah, sure. Can't confuse the modernist buildings with the brutalist buildings. The mid-1980s Taco Bell, the Spanish architecture. Oh, yeah, sure. They had a very distinct look. Yeah. The white plaster. Yeah.

Meet me at the Taco Bell, you can say, with the emoji. It's right there. And bring Tanaka, the spirit of the forest. And your Indian friend. Yeah. That's all I got. And pizza tugboat. The tree from Arbor Day. Yeah. That's all I got. And pizza tugboat. The tree from Arbor Day.

Yeah. The sinister of the holiday monsters. Invite them all into your bedroom. Here's something I've been wanting to talk about is have you guys seen the billboards around town for- Mordecai? For Mordecai. Do you guys want to go see Mordecai after this? Because it looks so funny.

I get it. With the T? He's just so silly that Johnny Depp. Sidebar about Mordecai. Oh, really? It was really fun to make fun of Mordecai. But then it became a monstrous box office failure. It feels like punching down on Mordecai a little bit.

I want to stomp on it. But part of me feels like Mordecai needs a defender. Multiple people that I know and love and respect, including Colin Anderson, senior producer of Bullseye, and John Hodgman, have told me that

the Mordecai books are wonderful. Oh. John said they're among his favorite books ever. And, you know, that's a professional writer right there. Kevin, I wasn't calling you out

for Mordecai bashing. Lord knows I've done my fair share. That's the vibe that I got. Sure, I wasn't calling you out for Mordecai bashing. Lord knows I've done my fair share. It's the vibe that I got. Sure. I wasn't trying to be the high road. I mean, there's no doubt that they're the worst movie posters since Kangaroo Jack. Yeah, yeah. They're pretty bad.

You were going to ask him, what were the billboards that you were? But coming up strong from the rear, Jupiter Ascending. Yeah. I haven't seen that one. It definitely looks like a joke movie rear, Jupiter Ascending. Yeah. I haven't seen that one. It definitely looks like a joke movie poster, Jupiter Ascending. Is it a sequel to Interstellar? It's the Wachowskis. Oh, they're still doing it?

They're still trying to make the movies? They are, yeah. That's cute. Yeah, well, because they had that hit movie. That's what I mean. Like, really? 15 years ago? Yeah.

And then they were somewhat involved with V for Vendetta. Were they? Yeah. Was that a success? Yeah. And then they were somewhat involved with V for Vendetta. Were they? Yeah. Was that a success? Yeah, I think so. I think that was a success in that it inspired Reddit. 4-channers. Yeah.

Right, yes. It invented 4-chan. It invented 4-chan. Something came out of it. We wouldn't have tough girls. Yeah. Boy, yeah. The Wachowskis, although I think have their talents, but definitely have been coasting

on the first Matrix movie for a while. Yeah. And I fucking hated the first Matrix movie. It's just a string of- Yeah. Did youing on the first matrix movie for a while yeah and i fucking hated the first matrix movie it's just a string of yeah did you really hate the first one yeah i did oh i thought it was so fun super annoying such a fun time with it yeah super annoying um oh the billboards i want to talk about are they i think it's it's an engagement ring company and uh i think it's what's an engagement ring company? Aaron's Brothers? That's where you get something straight.

De Beers or something, right? De Beers. Let's say – no, maybe more Molly than that. De Beers is just a diamond brand, a diamond cartel specifically. Sure, yeah. Sure. Is it K? Every Kiss Begins with them.

It might be something – Jared. It might be Jared. Okay. Let's say Jared. I don't know if it's Jared. The shame company? No, and not Subway. Yeah. Yeah, the Jared. I don't know if it's Jared. The shame company? No, and not Subway. Yeah.

Yeah, the diamonds you can eat. I'm on the diamond diet. These are some locale diamonds. Yeah. Millionaires only. So their first billboards that I really, really started to notice were just a picture, the company logo, a picture of an engagement ring, and then in all caps, block letters, get engaged. Get engaged.

And it was so accusatory. It was so in my face that it seemed like it was questioning all of my life's decisions. This billboard was judging me. I feel like what must have happened is, like, the outgoing marketing director, he had pitched something like, you know, diamonds are the secret of the heart. Sure. Or, you know. Give your girl a new best friend. Yeah, something like that.

That's for a diamond dildo. And then the new... And then the new... That's the most opulent kind of masturbation. The incoming marketing director had previously worked in direct mail. Oh, sure. And he's like, we've got to strengthen this call to action. He was the third in line at BuzzFeed.

He comes over. Guys, guys, hold on. Let me get this powder off. I know what. I know what'll do it. But get engaged. Gotta get juiced to make some listicles. I love the eye boy. That could be like, if that were a Gatorade slogan, I'd still be like, don't

try to motivate me that much. Get hydrated! Get engaged! Get some electrolytes! Alright, relax. I'll drink on my time. I'll do it when I feel like it. Yeah. By the way, on that BuzzFeed act out, I would love to see like in, you know, 15 years or whatever, a Wolf of Wall Street style expose of what it was like to work at BuzzFeed in 2013. Every southern girl knows about Target. What's the one word you can say to your lesbian, gay, transgender cousin that will make the courtroom shut up? Oh.

Cat gifs. Cat gifs. God damn it, you call these hacks? Snort cocaine out of an ass. Matthew McConaughey is great in that, though. Oh, so brilliant. And that was ad-libbed. Was it? The chest pounding was ad-libbed.

He was doing it after they had already wrapped the entire day. Leo was like, what is that? We should reshoot the scene and put it in. It became like quite the cornerstone of the film. You got to let McConaughey go. You let him do it. It's also what a privilege to work on a movie with so much fucking money that they could be at the end of their day and go, Yeah, let's reshoot the entire thing.

Crew, you can stay late. We can afford all of that. Because McConaughey wants to do more chanting. Exactly. He wants to beat his own chest. Hey, McConaughey wants to chant. Guys, he wants to hit his chest. Let's roll it. The man is having a moment. So, there's a follow-up billboard to Get Engaged. Same company?

Same company. And it's their logo, two engagement rings, same block letters, all caps, GROWAPAIR. Whoa! Growapair. Whoa! First of all, can't grow a diamond. They're made with coal. Right.

Yeah, by Superman. Yeah. Superman uses them for fuel. Anyway. Wait a minute. Superman eats the coal? Yeah, eats diamond. Yeah.

Eats the coal, shits the coal in his hands. As if the get engaged wasn't – Hold on. Sure. Would you say – is it your theory that Superman has super digestion? I believe so. I believe everything about him is super. Yeah.

Ingest the coal and somewhere mid-flight, he shits out the diamond. You would not believe. Drops the diamond. Yeah. Diamond deuces. It's not just Superman's arms and hands that are super powerful. Every part. Or his pectorals.

He also has a super sphincter. Yeah. Every ounce of them. He's up to the Fortress of Solitude. Kegels. Doing Kegels in the Phantom Zone. Grow a pair. Other Superman stuff.

Grow a pair. Yeah, grow a pair. I love it. It's like it's getting so aggressive. Prenups are for pussies. Yeah. It's like, hey, billboard. I'm just dating around right now trying to find out a little bit about myself.

So is what this billboard is suggesting that you're a pussy? Yeah. No one wants two things it's suggesting. It's suggesting a lot, but yes. You're a pussy. Number two. Me, Jordan. Yeah.

Number two, Jordan, you should start a family and a second secret family. I guess so. You're supposed to get engaged to two different people? That's the most masculine thing ever. I mean, I guess I've never been married. Jesse, maybe you could help us out. Does something happen to the testicles once you get married? Do they finally descend?

Well, certainly not in my case. Sad to say, the truth is my business. Sure. say the truth is you know the truth is my business sure yeah i um i'll tell you i uh i found the courage to propose um but i still have not married my secret family well the mother of my secret family it's time to grow a pair jesse out in to Topeka. Time to get engaged. Get engaged. Where I am constantly, what's amazing is that Teresa still believes that I have, I'm in the podcast business. Sure. I'm making business scripts to Topeka. Right.

Like, oh yeah, I got to go meet with Jeff Ulrich in Topeka. You know what I mean? For four months. I got a meeting with Chris Hardwick in Topeka. Got to pack the Zoom and get on out there. You know what I mean? Me and Leo Laporte have a meeting in Topeka, Kansas. Me and Mark Maron are getting together.

Guess where we're getting together, Jordan? Topeka, Kansas. Yeah, for podcast business. The hub of- Doing some podcast business out there. She's like, why don't we just move to Topeka? You're out there so much. Me and Josh and Chuck from Stuff You Should Know.

Guess where we get together, Jordan? Topeka. Yeah, at the municipal pool. You guys should – Yeah, the Olympic side. Maybe you should just start telling her you're a vacuum cleaner salesman. Those guys, A, get around. Uh-huh.

B, love to fuck. Mm-hmm. And their salary and commission. Oh, shit. Really? Oh, that is nice. Like, we're going to Nordstrom. I've heard they can really suck at this.

I guess I have – but I guess I have never – I've never been in a relationship where I've been pressed to pop the question. Right. And I guess – Have any parents done that? Has mom come at you? Man, my mom is great about that. parents done that? Has mom come at you? My mom is great about that.

My mom definitely, she's either, you know, respectful of my journey or has given up on me. One of the two. Let's get serious here. You think your mom's actually respectful of your journey? Yeah, that's true. Mrs. Morris has pinned all of her hopes on her

daughter. She's doing great. Yeah. Out there practicing the law. Practicing law. Married. Trying to find some way to get a cat. By getting the cat a little vest.

So, yeah. I mean, I guess I just maybe I don't. I guess I have never firsthand experienced the time to fucking man up. Right. From family or a girlfriend or what have you. I didn't get married until Teresa told me that we should probably get married. You were just happy to coast for a while? Well, I mean, for a while.

We coasted for, I mean, we've been together since we were 17. We coasted for 10 years, 10 plus years. That's a good run. Yeah, it was a solid run. I was like, like well what if I you know what if I want to get a different girlfriend

or whatever you know like sure I've been entirely happy the last 10 years with my relationship

I foresee no issues in the future my wife is a delight and beautiful and wonderful companion

we've lived together for 6 years cool with a little Santa play I was going to say sure I don't mind if you go gay for Santa And beautiful and wonderful companion. We've lived together for six years. Cool with a little Santa play. I was going to say, sure, I don't mind if you go gay for Santa. It's seasonal. It's okay. It's barely even going gay for Santa.

It's really not. When it's just the spirit of the season. Right. You know? If it's a literal physical manifestation of Santa, then yeah. Yeah. I just don't, is that billboard, like. Teresa was super nice about it, by the way. It was one of those things where it wasn't like you see on a TV show where they're like, oh, why can't we get married?

You know what I mean? Sounds like a good show. I've seen Black-ish. That is a good show. Yeah. Wah. It was a very respectful conversation

like I don't know maybe we should be married sometime soon that kind of thing sure and then you then you prepared

and she said then I bought her two engagement rings and then you prepared your choreographed dance video at Disneyland that subsequently

went viral on Snapchat on Snapchat that was actually what brought Snapchat to the mainstream I don't know if you knew that Kevin Dance video at Disneyland that subsequently went viral. On Snapchat. On Snapchat. That was actually what brought Snapchat to the mainstream. I don't know if you knew that, Kevin. I know you're plugged in with the world of digital media. Sure.

You speak at conferences and the like. Yeah. And they love phrases like plugged in because plugs are the future of all things connected. Dial up and plug in, kids. You're really on. Jacking in just like to the Matrix. You're on the grid. Long, long, short, short, short. Long, long, long, in, kids. You're really on. Jacking in, just like to the Matrix. You're on the grid. Long, long, short, short, short. Long, long, long, long, long.

Short, short, short, short, short. Let's throw a ticker tape parade for our friend Kevin Pereira. All things electronic. Kevin, have you ever gotten the hard press to pop the question? No. No. Have you ever had a girlfriend? Have you ever had a boyfriend?

Online, absolutely. Yeah. And many, many a times. Sure. Miss Heidi Klum. Teen Flirt 19. question no no have you ever had a girlfriend no i have a boyfriend i'm online absolutely yeah many many times sure uh heidi clue teen flirt 19 uh teen flirt on an f net chat room it was irc it was good sure uh you had that tomogachi i did yeah does it does it beep when it's hungry yes and then have to clean its digital poops it It's fine. I'm not calling into question your judgment, Kevin. And I know this is long in the past. I don't want to dig up old issues. Jordan, the last thing we would do, Kevin, I'm just backing you up here, is call into question your judgment. Right.

We believe, I'm speaking for both of us when I say, you are of sound judgment. Okay. With that said, do you think this is your last will? Do you think that maybe in the case of teen flirt, someone who would put 19, someone who would put still a teen, but definitely legal teen in their name,

perhaps is less likely to be an actual teen. They would just put... Well, why would they say that? Why would you just say flirt? They would put just... They would call it vine fan. Let me be clear. Let me be clear. Context clues.

Sure. Let's take the flirt out of it. Sure. And Jessica is quite the flirt. She's quite the flirt. 19FL, Florida. Yeah. Can I ask you a question?

Hold on. To context... What's your last boyfriend, a college football player? Yeah, but he was older at the time, and she was still in high school. Sure. And he would bring her to all the cool parties, which is why I feel like when we have these long-awaited conversations before I give her ratios to get my MP3 files, she always acts way more mature than her age.

So anyway, teen, first clue. Forget the flirt. Sure, right. 19. Okay. But I mean, anyone can just... Those are two reasons to... Anyone can make any screen name.

If I wanted to be, you know, Satan's balls, I could be. It doesn't mean I'm Satan or, you know... I'm double X, Johnny B. Bad double X. Now, there's nothing... And let me be clear. It's a lowercase X and then a capital'm double X, Johnny B. Bad double X. Now, there's nothing. And let me be clear. It's a lowercase X and a capital X. And then Johnny B. Bad and then capital X, lowercase X. So it really frames the word all in one.

So when I spam a channel, you fucking know I've arrived. I heart Moesha69. And that's true. And you do. It's a tribute to my love of the R&B singer Brandy and her hit sitcom Moesha. Yeah. See? Not lying.

And eating pussy. Thank you. Especially around the holiday season. Sure. So I hear your question, but to answer it, no. Okay. Thank you. Because screen names are accurate.

I feel like that. I mean, why would you lie? It's the internet. Nah, no reason to. Thank you. No reason names are accurate. I feel like that. I mean, why would you... It's the internet. Nah, no reason to. Thank you. No reason to. It's not the darknet. It's an Fnet chat room.

Sure. You're not paying for things with bitcoins. You're paying for things with bit torrent ratios. That's it. With good ratios. Do you guys hear that some guys programmed... They just gave a robot some bitcoins. And they told it to go buy shit on Darknet.

And they told it to buy whatever it wanted on Darknet, and it totally bought acid. Yeah. It bought acid. Oh, like a transcript of Nightline or something like that. It had some weird other thing. And then, well, then there was the, okay, but the machine is buying this. The code is buying this without any human knowing. They just gave it a shipping address and said, go for it.

And so it became, well, are you liable for the drugs that the machine bought? Because if not, I'm hacking my Roomba tonight. Yeah. And when that thing docks, Molly party, guys. Yeah. I happen to be a vacuum cleaner salesman. You look like you can suck a mean one. We'll be back in just a second, Jordan. Yes, we go.

Welcome to Oh No, Ross and Carrie. Ross. Hi, Carrie. What do you think is creepier? Okay. You jump into a swimming pool. All of a sudden, the water goes away. And instead of water, there is the bones of your dead ancestors. Ew.

Or our show. That's pretty tough, because we visited a live exorcism. We joined the Ordo Templi Orientis, where we had to worship a naked lady. Oh, and we joined that Tony Alamo cult. They were scary. Super creepy. We joined the Aethery Society. We tried penis enlargement, or at least I did.

Oh, boy. I tried breast enlargement, or at least I did. Oh boy, I tried breast enlargement. We have basically done every creepy, weird fringe thing except for thousands more, which we will get to if you listen to our show. I'd still say the swimming pool with my ancestors' bones. Well, and I don't even know if people should listen. I guess they shouldn't. But if you want to, we're at Maximum Fun, and the show's called I a Ross and Carrie. It's Jordan, Jesse Go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, the voice of the millennial generation. Jordan Morse, boy detective. Teen flirt, 19. Snap, snap, snap, Snapchat. Do you think they would buy that if I pitched that? I mean, I feel like that should load. That's the jingle that should play every time the app loads. Snap, snap, snap, Snapchat. Yeah.

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. No, I think that's... Was that Ghostbusters? Yeah. They're hot right now. Ruining my childhood. How dare they? How dare they? Sorry I ruined your childhood.

Oh, I'm sorry, feminists. Sorry, Kevin, that I ruined your childhood by humming. Have you guys talked about the anger, the fanboy anger over the fact that... Have you talked about that yet or not? I emailed... Guys, I don't mean to drop names. Okay. Paul Feig and I are friendly.

We're on friendly terms. We like to email back and forth. You're not enemies. We like to email back and forth when I find a cool walking stick or cane on eBay. Sure. An antique cane. Paul Feig has a collection of antique canes. I happen to find one i'll send

it over to fig you know we sent it back and forth it was email i have a little fun joking about menswear things and stuff like that i happened to send him an email i was just thinking about what a great guy he was at the time i sent him an email saying like hey paul fig you're a fucking you're you're a winner and it happened to exactly – it was a couple days ago when this announcement came out about the cast of Ghostbusters. And I got this email back from him that was typically – like context, Paul Feig may be the sweetest human being on earth. And he sent me back this email that was like, yeah, a lot of people down on me today. I really appreciate that. Thanks, friend.

Something like that. And I was like, oh, right. Like I was just thinking about what a nice guy Paul Feig is. But actually, yeah, what's going on? What kind of horrible person whines about four of the funniest people on earth making a – You know, it's something – it really speaks to how self-selecting the internet is. Yeah. It's because my experience, R.E. Ghostbusters announcement was, well, this is the most popular thing that's ever happened.

Yeah. Like, you know, the – you know, having nice, sweet people who are interested in equality and comedy fans, like people who understand that these are four of the funniest human beings. Yeah. Like these are the two kinds of people who I follow on social networks. I have very few of anything else. And then to find out that as you get outside of that circle, people are mad is very weird. I wonder if people believe that to make the new Ghostbusters movie, they have to record over the original Ghostbusters footage. That's how VHS works. Because people are saying, you're ruining my childhood. No, your childhood is still there. It's still intact.

They're just making a new Ghostbusters with very funny women. It has nothing to do with your childhood. This isn't about you, actually. Yeah. Yes. Can this be the last thing that we say ruined our childhoods? Please. Can this officially be done?

That's the dumbest thing. People are going to remake movies. It's just how it's going to happen. It's fine. I didn't mean to get off on an angry Ghostbusters tangent. Sometimes the movies aren't that good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Sometimes they're good. Sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes. I was saying sometimes. I mean, I really like Ghostbusters. Like, I'll watch 20 minutes of fucking Ghostbusters any day of the week when it's on cable. Until it hits the first commercial.

Then you're like, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Time to go on the dark net. But yeah, a lot of the things that people complain about the reboot of, it's like the other one was bad. Like, you know, Ninja Turtles is bad, right? Like it sucks.

This one will suck, but it'll be as good as the other one. I am baffled by. Are these people out there, you really want to watch Ghostbusters with three 63-year-olds and a dead person? You know what I mean? Like, is that really what you want to see? Like, no offense to any of those talented people involved in Ghostbusters. I think they wanted their Dane Cook in there. They wanted some David Spade. They wanted the heavy hitters. Sure.

And I get it. I like that you – The Expendables with proton packs. You know right away the top ten comics for men's rights activists. I know exactly what's going on. Who do you want? Ghostbusters. You want Dane Cook.

You want Penn Jillette. You want an Andrew Dyson there. A nice throwback. Penn Jillette. Right. Penn Jillette. Wouldn't you say? Calm down. Nothing against Penn Jillette right Penn Jillette wouldn't you say calm down

nothing against Penn Jillette who's a talented guy very talented guy I'm just saying he's probably very popular very beloved in the asshole community it must stink to be

a genuinely talented guy who gets adopted by assholes yeah it must be a stinker why are you guys stop looking at me I'm not genuinely talented when something momentous happens to you our listeners anyway looking at me. I'm not genuinely talented.

When something momentous happens to you, our listeners. Anyway, Ninja Turtles was bad. You getting the calls? Come at me. Sorry, go ahead. Whoa.

Well, hey, I posted on Twitter the other day that while I really like Ghostbusters, it's not super funny because like three quarters of it is like action sequences and stuff.

Yeah. So yeah. So I'm right there with you. You guys can come at me if you want. I really like Ghostbusters. It's just there's only a few funny things that happen in it. It's mostly not a comedy which is kind of odd. But I watched it a couple years ago and I was like it seems odd that I enjoy this so much still

and also how little of it is funny. Yeah. I mean all the quotes are basically the funny parts. Yeah. And they're great. Yeah. And all of the people in it are great and it's a really fun movie. I have not – I just was surprised at how little of it was a comedy and how much of it was an action movie.

Do you think that – I mean do you think it's considered the funniest movie ever just because it has cats and dogs living together? Do you think it's considered the funniest movie ever just because it has cats and dogs living together? Which is, I mean, for a movie with not a ton of punchlines, it has maybe the best punchline. It's got a few great punchlines in it. And, you know, sure, Bill Murray's funny all the time. Yeah. But, you know. The second one was way better than the first.

I know. We all agree. Yeah. Same thing with Back to the Future. Yeah. Right. Kevin, I mean, no need to state the obvious. I figured let We all agree. Yeah. Same thing with Back to the Future. Yeah. Right. Kevin, I mean, no need to state the obvious. I figured let's round it out.

Snake eats his tail. Who do you think Guy Fawkes Mask's guys want to be in Ghostbusters? I think it was the roster that I was spilling out right there. I think that's exactly it.

David Spade, Angela. And Alexis Ohanian. I don't know what that is. The founder of Reddit. Gotcha. Yep. Yeah. That's it.

Or Moot. I don't know. The Minecraft guy. Notch. Who Reddit. Gotcha. Yep. Yeah. That's it. Or Moot. I don't know, the Minecraft guy. Notch? Who do you want? Oh, yeah. They should just make the whole... It should be Minecraft. If it was in Minecraft, they would probably be happy with it.

They're like, okay, this is a good direction. Mine and makes me feel good. I would really enjoy seeing a Ghostbusters. Mine and makes me feel good. Not just crafting. I don't know. It exclusively stars those guys that do funny voiceovers while they're playing video games. Oh, sure.

Like a Let's Play guy? That's what we're talking about. Or someone who's streaming Hearthstone on Twitch. Couldn't remember what that was called. That's what it should be. Probably something like fucking League of Legends. Lindsay Pavlis who works here. Sure.

The Lindsay of Brian and Lindsay. She loves that League of Legends. So we get a famous top laner in there. I'm picking up what you're putting down. Anything you say right now, I would believe it because Lindsay makes these tweets and I don't recognize a single word besides of and the. The amount of hours I have spent recently watching Koreans do things on the internet I don't understand that are not paygated. Sure. I don't understand that are not pay gated.

Sure. And 15-year-old Latinos screaming while Ryu does a hurricane kick. Oh, sure. With other terms I don't know. I watch so much streaming, hours of Twitch, streaming live video game service, and I don't understand a single fucking word that is said. I've never felt older in my life, and I'm captivated. You're just trying to get in on that billion dollars. I just know.

It's just I know that, like, you can sense excitement, you know, and you can feel it. Sure, your underpants get smaller. Exactly. He just missed the critical EX strike. Oh, he should have Alpha Extreme. Of course he should have Alpha Extremed. Why didn't he Alpha Extreme? Yeah, well.

Now it's combo meter. No, now he's not going to build EX. I have no idea. If he just would have dash canceled this at all. Thank you. None of this would have happened. Thank you. If he just would have dash canceled this at all. Thank you. None of this would have happened. Thank you. When I was at South by Southwest this past year, there was just this – there was like some guys on a stage and then behind them like a slightly poorly projected thing of a thing that looked like Warcraft.

And just like a bunch of dudes sitting there looking both enraptured and bored at the same time. And it was the strangest operation because like these guys are up on a stage like they're the stars. But they're just sort of like drooling out of one side of their mouth with their face like three inches from a giant computer monitor. So it's like not an impressive thing to see. Well, and they got the game in one window and in their bank account as the digits roll up on the other one because they're getting $1,000 donations from someone who really likes

the skin that they're using in the game. It's a weird world. It's a nice skin. It is a good skin. It's a great skin. It's a pro skin. It's hard to get.

If someone kicks in to get you a pro skin. Are you guys sponsored by pro? Go to proskin.com slash JJGO. Oh, it's actually foreskin.com. Oh, I'm sorry.

Go to go proforeskin.com. Thank you. Yeah. It's carbon fiber. Proskin.com is just like Mr. Oh, it's actually 4skin.com. Oh, I'm sorry. Go to Pro4skin.com. Thank you. It's carbon fiber. ProSkin.com is just like Mr. Skin, but for athletes, right? That's exactly what it is. In case a nut pops out during a grapple at the latest UFC, you go to ProSkin. So anyway.

Get engaged. If something momentous happens to you, you call us, 206-984-4FUN, email us at jjgoe at maximumfun.org for our segment Momentous Occasions. What was the new category that we added in addition to Momentous Occasions and Moments of Shame? It was Then You Won't Believe What Happened. Was that what it was? It was something more dignified than that, though. You Won't Believe What Happened Next? It was like, ain't that a pip?

Something like that. Ain't that a pip? I don't know. God damn it. How do we have our own show? Oh, you guys are doing a show? Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's cute.

This is for entertainment. Okay. Kevin, we just invited him over to hang out in our box. Let's take our first call. Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse. Hey, guest. Hey, Sunny D. Calling with a momentous occasion. A couple years ago in college,

I was in a stage adaptation of the Nintendo video game Star Fox 64 called Barrel Rolls and Broken Dreams. So my co-star and friend who played Slippy just sent me a link apparently somebody found the YouTube footage of our play and wrote a

slash fiction of us our two characters so now there's slash fiction of me online don't know how I feel about this but I feel like it should have been on my bucket list thanks so much, love the show see ya now, here's here's my question.

So you were playing a character. Right. Star Fox. Right. Your friend was playing... I found it. I just... This is Act 1, Part 1.

Go ahead. Your friend was playing Slippy. Slippy Toad. Wait, tell Brian. Brian can type it into his computer. Barrel Rolls and Broken Dreams. No, but Brian can play it right into our...

We need your Help Star Fox! We need your Help Star Fox! Someone's in peril. Sorry, we can play it to the mixer, but that's... Is the slash fiction like a noises off type thing, where you see noises off? You see the play, but then you also see the drama going on behind the scenes.

Right. Is the slash fiction about two actors who are in a production of Broken Dreams and Barrel Rolls? Oh, or is this just Fox slippy fan fiction? Like a Marx Brothers movie. Yeah. Night at the Opera. Sure. Night at the Opera.

I feel like if you're going to write Star Fox fan fiction, that's been written. It's like a Marx Brothers movie. Yeah. Night at the Opera. Sure. Like Night at the Opera. I feel like if you're going to write Star Fox fan fiction, that's been written. It's done. And it's hot. So when you find out that humans are doing the musical adaptation, it's got to be about the people. It's a classic let's put on a show narrative but with gay sex. Yeah, sure. That sounds fun to me. Peppy on Falco.

Brian, you're doing a terrible job of this. Who are the guys? Let's go around the room. Brian, if you are as bad at hosting Brian and Lindsay, we'll totally eat that, as you are at playing back Barrel... Let me be clear. Barrels and Broken Dreams was playing just fine through my phone. Barrels and... Look, Kevin Sprinkles Pereira from SugarShack.com can do it right there on his telephone.

Yeah. And I have T-Mobile. You have a keyboard. Oh, my God. He wants to try and get to the trailer, but for some reason he's having a hard time. He doesn't know how to use a fucking mouse. All I can have for porn is fucking A, guys. I feel like you save me every day.

That's because I do. Who are you guys? We're Starbucks. You'll never defeat Andrew! Do a do a barrel roll. Do a do a barrel roll. Sounds like they had a lot of fun doing it. Wait for the drop down. Bravo. Sounds like they had a lot of fun doing that. Wait for the drop, though. I was saying, the scanners didn't reveal anything necessarily secret-looking,

but there's a lot of danger in Sector X. Space mines, cloud malaria. That guy's actually doing a pretty good job. This guy's active. No, yeah. This guy's committed. Everybody else seems like they're kind of phoning it in. Yeah, everyone else is giving it kind of a bullshit,

kind of like, look at me do this. That guy was like, really? He's the justification for the Super FX chest, am I right? Yeah, this performance has Mode 7 scaling. Unless we're making jokes about the Philips CD Interactive, which I read a lot about while I was visiting Blockbuster Video as a child. That also supported CDG format. I maybe heard – I was thinking this was in high school. I thought high school.

Was that college? It was in college. I like it less. Yeah, me too. Well, that's what I'm saying. I like the guy who was doing the voice. Everybody else was kind of smirky. Sure.

I really think that this is a great opportunity to judge this listener's college entertainment. Right, yeah. I'm really looking forward to when somebody starts posting Humor Force 5 videos on YouTube. Oh, God, please don't. Please don't. I'll give you a million dollars not to. In Jordan's college. Oh, God.

Okay, so that wasn't the radio show that you guys did. That was... No, those actually are on the internet. They're all right. Oh, God. Oh, God. One man's all right is another man's oh, God, backing through the wall, reverse Kool-Aid style. They're all right.

Fine. It's fun. You know, that's fine. Yeah. I like Star Fox Musical. I like that a group got together to do that and they're not having sex. I feel like every two years I want everything I've done artistically to be wiped away. You want Snapchat. So you do want Snapchat.

Yes, I do. Can I have Snapchat for my career? It's all been a goddamn embarrassment. Let's take our next call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and possible guests. This is Deanne from Cincinnati, Ohio, calling in with a momentous occasion. and there are a bunch of crows out there and they are flying around with the empty cans in their beaks. So it looks like there's a crow frat party out here. I saw crows, thought of you guys, called it in. So these crows are out partying. So anyway, thanks guys. Love the show. Talk to you later. Sounds like a bunch of drinky crows are out partying. So anyway, thanks, guys.

Love the show. Talk to you later. Sounds like a bunch of drinky crows, am I right? Yeah. Tony Millionaire on the line. Yeah, right? Who do you guys, what's your favorite Star Fox slash fiction? I'll go around the room.

I think it's Fox and Falco because there's an animosity there. Oh. There's a natural animosity that would probably make the sex pretty hot. In this last fiction, do they fuck while they're wearing their stage costumes? I think it is. Oh, yeah.

I have a lot of questions about this guy's thing. Yeah, I would love a follow-up call of like, is this about people putting on this play or is it about the Star Fox characters?

Yeah. I'm curious. I'd like to read. And do their costumes have flaps? Yeah. Because that's how you can tell.

It's like the equivalent of a bandana in the left pocket at the fur con. Sure. If it has a flap, you know what's going on. Ready to go. Get in there. Get engaged. Do you think there's crossover slash fic where Santa fucks another holiday monster?

Oh, yeah, like Santa on Easter Bunny. That's a fairly obvious combination. It seems like, I mean, i hear those easter bunnies you know what they fuck like yeah sure santa's they fuck like santa's that's what they always say krampus on a canadian box we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, Just a guy. I mean, just a guy, does that even count as a second nickname? I like it. It was a descriptor. It was a descriptor.

Don't worry, Explodo. Sprinkles is backing off. It gives him an everyman quality. Thank you. Maybe if people think Explodo is getting kind of a big head, they're going to turn to Kevin Sprinkles Pereira, just a guy. The kind of guy you can have a beer with. You can have a beer with him. Him and a flock of crows.

Yeah. Strike out that natty ice, bros. You can fly around. You can talk about Pepe, Falco, Slippy, Fox. Their archenemy, Andross. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Which system was Andross in?

Oh, I don't know. I don't actually. I don't know. I was a Genesis kid. I had the real console with the blast processing. It's cool. Oh, cool. Blast processing, huh?

It's better for sports games. That's what jocks like me like to play. Sure, sure, yeah. I mean, because the Genesis does what Nintendo. What Nintendo, yes. We all know what the Genesis does. Okay, Kevin. Sega.

And finally, Sega. Sega. If I may. Jesus Christ. Kevin, it's been a delight to have you on the show are you going to tell me it's a delight too or should I hop in

with how much it's a delight it's been for me oh yeah yeah you guys can go ahead it's been a real treat it's always great to see Kevin

sprinkles per era in the future I'd recommend bringing donuts you did last time I was a little disappointed you didn't this time I did uh I was running late.

Oh, wait. I have something to say about donuts. Yeah. So, you know, the cronut's all the rage. Sure. This is half donut, half crow. Yeah. Trunk crow.

Half drunk crow. Yeah. It's a natty ice. The natty ice makes their muscles so tender. But I guess the name cronut is like copywritten, copyrighted. Copyrighted. That French guy from New York. Yeah.

So other places can serve a Cronut-like thing, but they cannot call it that. They have to call it a- Specifically, Winchell's Donuts can serve a Cronut-like thing, I noticed recently. That's a docent. They're calling it the Cronos. What? Doesn't that sound like a robot or a Star Fox villain? And it sounds like a bow before kronos

or some sort of time wizard sounds like an overpriced time piece yes i'm watching during a women's tennis match before kronos or if it's i am a flaky donut sometimes i have a filling anyway kronos yeah you know I will spike your insulin levels. I guess we're doing the show live next week. Yep. Sketchfest. Sketchfest. Yeah, I don't know if there's going to be a new episode next week.

Yeah. Maybe we'll get it out. Yeah, we'll see. Anyway, next episode that we're here, I'm bringing some Kronos. Really? Yeah. Let's try a Kronos. I'll try a Kronos.

Yeah. It's in the spirit of Brian and Lindsay will totally eat that. Sure. We'll totally eat that. Which, by the way, a dollar. Yeah. A dollar. Can people just give it?

A dollar. Is that a lot to ask? Chocolate dot shoes. We throw out, go to chocolate dot shoes. Come on. I feel like chocolate dot shoes is worth a dollar. For the price of a single Kronos. For the price of a single Kronos.

206-984-4FUN is our telephone number. JJGo at MaximumFun.org is our email address. Kevin Pereira, of course, has been our guest. He's the host of the podcast Pointless. You can find it in video form on internet. You can even find a recent episode featuring our friend Jordan Morris. Yeah, I was in. It was a blast. I think the descriptor that I used when I was announcing the show on Twitter was that we laughed like a couple of dorks.

We certainly did, actually. Yeah, I definitely always feel like I'm just laughing like a dork. I definitely always feel like I'm just laughing like a dork. You guys can go to fondue.hotwheels.balloonanimal and download that immediately. Peppy.cronus. Yeah, it was so much fun to be on Pointless. I had a blast. Thank you. It's a great show.

Other episodes not featuring me are even good. And I'd love to have you on again anytime. Oh, yeah. Really, because you, as I said, I'm a huge fan of yours. Ah, shucks. I love everything that you do on the podcast. And I feel like,

really, I would love to come on your show. You're the inspiration. Honestly, you were the catalyst that even led to me. What do you guys think about me? Who are you?

Because it seems like there's a lot of, but not a lot of, you know what I'm saying? Anyway, our Disney news. Jesse, Kevin know what I'm saying? Anyway, our team is- Jesse, Kevin just doesn't want a dirty Santa fucker ruining his podcast. You bunny-loving, Santa fucking Kronos-eating son of an Arbor Day. I will say, I just went on Aisha Tyler's wonderful podcast, Girl on Guy, and it was a real blast.

We talked a lot about all kinds of different stuff, mostly just San Francisco shit, because we both are from San Francisco and went to the same high school. Do people from San Francisco like to talk about it? No, not at all. Not in my experience. In my experience, most San Franciscans,

native San Franciscans, are embarrassed to be from San Francisco. They're just not fans of San Francisco overall. What's your favorite BART stop? That's why they're 24th and Mission. Pittsburgh Bay Point? Not Pittsburgh Bay Point. Come on.

Pittsburgh Bay Point? You might as well say, what's your favorite BART stop? Concord? What's your favorite BART stop? Richmond? These are all great choices. What's your favorite BART stop? Colma?

Jesus Christ. You're ridiculous. Colma, pal. If you said to me, Kevin, if you said to me 12th Street, Oakland City Center, I'd say, sure, that's reasonable. I mean, it's not correct. If you said Montgomery or Embarcadero, you're a little closer. If you say Powell or Civic Center, yeah, maybe. If you say 16th Street, just barely.

If you say 24th Street, then you're dead on the money because that's my favorite BART station and the one I was in when that guy got shot and killed. And there was bloodstains on the stairs for months afterwards. Okay. That's all we have to say about BART stations this week. But yeah, I'm on with Aisha. It was a real blast. Aisha was a past Jordan Jesse Go guest and a really wonderful one. And she's just a brilliant genius of a lady.

So that was a lot of fun. Check out Jordan on Sprinkles podcast, which is called Pointless. Chocolate.shoes. Love you by the free design, courtesy of the free design and light in the attic records. We will talk to you either next week or in two weeks, depending on how schedules work out. Thanks for listening to Jordan Jessica. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.