Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 364: The Charmings with Guy Branum

Episode Date: February 16, 2015

Pop Rocket host and comedian guy Branum joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Ruth Bader Ginsburg through the years, Alf's vlogging, and new Instagram trends. 

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Can I see through my right eye? No, not exactly, Jordan. What happened to your right eye? I got some kind of migraine side effect. Oh my gosh.

I can't see anything. I had no idea it affected vision. Well, infrequently. Sure. But here I am. All I can say is no depth perception on this week's program, okay? Do you promise? Okay.

We won't play catch in the middle. Not even that thing where you make karate chops in front of somebody's face and say they're running through a forest. Okay. That is a classic gag, though. Yeah, well, and I'm pretty hammered. Okay. But I still don't think you should do it. Okay. That is a classic gag, though. Yeah, well, and I'm pretty hampered. Okay. But I still don't think you should do it.

Okay. Are you going to... Brian's doing it to himself outside the booth. Oh, I'm so sorry that you guys couldn't see Brian quietly doing it to himself

and closing one eye and then the other to see how different it would be. Ah! Oh, and I'm sorriest for you, America. Is it giving you a new perspective? That's a really good point.

Yeah, you know, now I'm finally seeing things from the left. There you go. Now you don't think Rand Paul is so great. Before you did. It's hot today, Jordan. Real hot. It's hot.

Too hot. Too hot, lady. We better run for shelter. We better run for shade. I remember that video being pretty sexy. Hey, videos are sexy. Yeah. I love a sexy vid.

I definitely remember that video from the time of like, well, what can I masturbate to? Like trying to find something. It's like, well, what can I masturbate to? Like trying to find something. It's like, okay, well. Isn't there an international female catalog? Yeah, it's like dad's got a Playboy somewhere. I haven't been introduced yet, but what video are you talking about? This is LL Cool J? No, it's not LL.

Who sings that song? It's like Lionel Richie or something. Is it maybe LL Cool J sample that? This is a song and I can, I mean, as you're singing this, I'm having a vivid memory of trying to masturbate. You couldn't masturbate to LL Cool J? Yeah. Come on.

If LL Cool J doesn't get you going, like a classic period shirtless LL Cool J licking his lips, your junk's broken, Jordan. I don't care how heterosexual you are. Our guest on the program, he's the host of Maximum Fun's newest smash hit podcast, the delightful pop culture panel show, which everyone loves to love, comedian Guy Branum. Thank you for having me here, Jesse. Not just today, but on a weekly basis.

You're welcome, Guy. Guy, you must be excited about this Supreme Court excitement going on right now. I'm very excited. Look, I— Is this about Ruth Bader Ginsburg falling asleep? You bet it is. I am an OG RBG man, all right? Everybody got on board this train, but look, I—

Before the memes, Ginsburg was—wait, Branham was rolling Ginsburg. Yeah. Okay, here's the thing. Wait, Branham was Roland Gaines. Okay, here's the thing. I never thought about this before, but I approach Ruth Bader Ginsburg the way most men today approach hip-hop. In just like, I like the old cuts. For me, it is all about those 1970s feminism cases when she made women human beings.

And like this stuff is cute and adorable, but this is essentially. This is the real shit. Like Ruth Bader Ginsburg falling asleep at the Supreme Court is Ice-T being on SVU. Ice-T is pretty good on SVU. I mean, that's the thing about Ice-T. Ice-T was here for Bullseye like a year and a half ago. All I could think the whole time was,

wow, Ice-T is still great. The first competitive erotic fan fiction I ever heard Emily Heller read in SVU where Ice-T fucks somebody with his braids. Was it Coco? I don't believe so. Oh, I feel bad for her then. Yeah. But she had to hear that. But Ruth Bader Ginsburg being able to say I was not 100 percent sober is just – it's the classic level of realness that that lady is going to be throwing down with all the time.

Can you – like do you take as much pleasure as I do in the idea of, look, I'm a journalist. I don't have political opinions. So who knows which of these people more or better reflects my own personal views, okay? Right. But either way, I'm delighted at the idea of Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Antonin Scalia getting hammered together. Well, they're like super good friends from like way back when. Like they go to the opera together. Like they spend New Year's together.

It's wonderful. And the thing I most like is like gigantic, burly, surly Italian guy realizing that like 80 pounds of cancerous Jew-esque is like his biggest rival. Like he understands that like – 70 pounds of Jewess, 10 pounds of cancer. Guys, I was texting with someone about this very issue today. And the idea of the foxy Ruth Bader Ginsburg photo came up. Is this the t-shirt photo? Here's the photo when I said, oh, I didn't know Ruth Bader Ginsburg was such a looker when she was young. And I got this text.

This is a picture of Ruth Bader Ginsburg in middle age? Yeah. How do you feel about this picture? I mean, pretty good, right? This is a rock solid. This is not my beloved t-shirt photo. This is not my beloved T-shirt photo. There's a photo of her from the early days of the ACLU Women's Rights Project when she's wearing this cute little T-shirt in a 70s way that a little bit reminds me of my mom.

And you get it. You get it why Marty was into that shit. You get it why Marty said, like, Marty was the fucking best. That Marty was willing to say, hey, I'm a good lawyer. I'm not the best lawyer in this household. That bitch is. And you would do it, you know. I don't think he said bitch, guy.

You never know. Are we to believe that he used that sort of language? I'm just grateful for our decisions in the 70s because it means that the three of us aren't wearing bras today. You know, if someone hadn't stood up. Who deserves a disco nap

more than that woman? Oh, man. Now you got me thinking that right before the, like an hour before the State of the Union, they went into the bathroom to do some bumps. All right. Here's an amazing question. Were Ruth and Marty ever at 54? Before the State of the Union, they went into the bathroom to do some bumps. All right.

Here's an amazing question. Were Ruth and Marty ever at 54? And that's a thing that is not outside of conception. Like that's a thing that could have happened. Well, you know, and during the 70s, I think, you know, there was a different kind of celebrity. You know, like, you know, magazine writers were celebrities, like fashion designers were celebrities. So, I mean, you could infer that, you know, the same people who welcomed in, you know, Edith Head would also welcome in Ruth Bader Ginsburg to do some blow with one of the Bee Gees. Can I ask you this question? Yes.

to do some blow with one of the Bee Gees. Can I ask you this question? Yes. You know how Clarence Thomas this past year spoke for the first time while the court was in session in like eight years or something, 12 years? Yes. Do you think it's possible that Ruthie Bee Gee was passing around a bag of blow and a key? That's what got him going.

He got pumped up and he decided to say something. Well, what's funny is her falling asleep is that like he's asleep mostly. He falls asleep during oral arguments constantly and we just don't say anything. What's the general opinion about this? Because I've only heard isn't this awesome. But are conservatives taking this as a time to say, hey, let's get her out of here? And what do court watchers have to say? I mean, they're all so old and getting rid of them is impossible. And she's already almost died twice.

But I don't think conservatives could possibly hate or villainize her more. Sure. Like, so she's just at that level of, like, okay, there are three stages of someone being on the Supreme Court. I'm saying this as somebody who went to law school three, like, ten years ago and then has never done anything legal since then. They are as follows. A, trying to be a responsible good lawyer because you just got on the Supreme Court. Then drunk on power. Drunk on power and just a slow slide to liberalism. Just a slow slide to, why don't I help those disabled people? Why don't I

help? Everybody just sort of, I honestly believe that Alito, 10 years from now, will be the biggest friend to women and blacks that has ever been known on that court. And then there's DGAF. Just, I don't fucking care. I will do what I feel like. I will quote Bee Gees lyrics in my decision. And it's the best. Guys, I thought of what BeeG's lyrics Ruth Bader Ginsburg would quote

I thought you were going to change the lyrics to take it a nap do you guys I hope Ice and Coco never get divorced if they do I will be genuinely sad would you put Ice or Coco on the Supreme Court, given the opportunity? There's only one vacancy, Jordan.

You're the president. What's your choice? Well, I mean, Ice-T has an impressive resume. You know, his work as a hip-hop artist and in Body Count. I think we can agree that those were both, you know, important projects. Tank Girl, where he played a kangaroo man. Right, sure. Is, I think, in the pantheon of film classics.

Sure. But... Inventing gangster hip-hop. Sure. On the West Coast. I think I'm going to have to give it to Coco because of the work she does on Instagram, R.E. Titty Tuesday. Well, also, when you're sitting on a bench, you need ass. Yeah.

Right. You got to fill up that bench. She would not need a cushioned bench. She has a natural padding. Sure. I mean, there's so much government waste these days. Let's cut down on those Supreme Court bench cushions by hiring women with ample bottoms. Now I'm just picturing them all.

It's just cost saving. It just makes much financial sense. All the Supreme Court just get to court and they open up those kind of stadium seat cushions that say Go Clippers. And they sit down Maybe they got a free one at the boat show To Ice and Coco like Hollywood relationships that you really believe in when the Rhea Perlman

and Danny DeVito breaking up like I like that affected me. Yeah. All that's left from me is Felicity Huffman and Bill Macy. Oh, but if you know when Rhea Perlman got back together. They did?

They did. That's exciting. Yeah. U-S-A. See? U-S-A. I think they should have, like, a key party with Ice and Coco. I think that would really strengthen the relationship, you know? Ice are pretty freaky i think they could get into oh you know ice

and cocoa are freaky do i need to re-mention titty tuesday i don't have to but i'm gonna do you think rhea perlman's ever done titty tuesday i don't i don't follow rhea perlman on instagram i bet she does i don't know what day reruns of always sunny in phil air, but I think a fair number of them would qualify Danny DeVito for Titty Tuesday. Should they air on a Tuesday? Danny DeVito could do some Eggplant Friday. Oh. That's where guys take pictures of their – Guy, it's where guys on Instagram take pictures of their, like, semi-hard dicks in their pants

and then hashtag it Eggplant Friday. Did you know that? I did know that. I find it slightly gross, but only because of the... I think eggplants are gross. I think dicks are delicious. Of the two, I also prefer dicks.

Eggplants are... It's a textural thing for me. If you put enough cheese on a dick. Of the two, I also prefer dicks. Eggplants are a textural thing for me. Yes. If you put enough cheese on a dick. You know, that's ultimately. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessica. Hello, buddies. I'm Travis McElroy. And I'm Andy Bolt. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, you have no idea if you don't listen to our show it comes out every wednesdays on maximumfun.org and on itunes sometimes we try weird foods or we talk about where to camp or how to avoid getting eaten or any of these things yeah so listen to us because it might just save your life we'll see you in the bunker Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. This is Guy Branum, foam fan.

Can I tell you, I was having a conversation with a respected public radio executive. I'll leave it at that. Okay. Look, this person is a,

is, is the producer behind one of public radio's greatest programs. You were talking to Julia? Yeah.

I was talking to Julia, the producer of my show Bullseye. And this highly placed exec was telling me how much she enjoyed my interview with TJ Quick. I was very grateful for that. And she said, you know, I feel like one of the challenges with your show, she was saying this to be helpful. I want to be absolutely clear. I really like this person. She was saying it to be helpful. She said, I feel like one of the challenges to your show is explain to my friends I tell about it

why all these hip people are talking to this old man. And I was like, oh. I think she said 60 year old white guy was her direct quote. Again, trying to be helpful. Didn't say it as a diss.

Just said it. I mean do you think that – is the idea that you think you're not coming off as young enough? Do you think you could use more young person slang? Do you think you could participate in Eggplant Friday? That's a popular topic or a popular activity for young men. It will age you down. I interviewed Spike Lee the other day. I did have the opportunity to say the game-recognized game in the Bay.

So that may clarify for some people that I'm the voice of the millennial generation. Although for others, it may simply reinforce that JT the Bigger Figure is the voice of the millennial generation. Although for others, it may simply reinforce that JT the Bigger Figure is the voice of the millennial generation. I mean, I don't think you've even weighed in on what bay head you like. Yeah, I should probably just get on Instagram, number one. Number two, get in on Titty Tuesday. Sure. Number three, eggplant.

What day is eggplant? Eggplant Friday. Eggplant Putinesque. Get in on Titty Tuesday. Sure. Number three, eggplant. What day is eggplant? Eggplant Friday. Eggplant Putinesca. Get in on that. What else? Is there anything else I can get involved in just to reinforce my credibility as a millennial? Putting your erect dick in a woman's shoe. I'm sorry?

Excuse me? Very popular these days. Yes. Oh, yes. You've seen the BuzzFeed list. Penis and shoe? Yes. You place an erect dick inside of like an upscale-

Any erect dick or one's own erect dick? One's own erect dick. I think if you had the permission of another person, you could place another person's erect dick. Yeah, you're definitely going to want to ask first. Yes. Can I ask a quick question? Sure.

Let's say, for the sake of argument, that I have a sizable penis. Okay. And at three quarters erect, it has the appearance in a still photograph of an erect penis as long as it's resting on something. Uh-huh. Is that okay? I should clarify also, I have a smallish penis. Let's be clear about that. You're just trying to be helpful to any well-endowed men who might be listening.

I honestly would like to see the – like there's a fun opportunity for men with plus-sized dicks to provide a forum for plus – women with like larger shoe sizes to express that their shoes can be beautiful and sexy as well. Because, you know, your Louboutins and your Jimmy Choo's, I mean, they're maxing out probably at like seven or an eight. And like there are many women out there who want to feel beautiful and have larger feet. Hashtag real beauty. You want to see a thick dick in a pair of Skechers shape ups. Did you guys read about that kid who had to have his dick taken, like, his dick was a football?

Did you hear about that? I'm sorry? No. There was some kid in Florida and his dick was so girthy that Girthsome? Girthsome, okay. It was so girthsome that he could not participate in sports or, like, run or anything.

It's like that girl who can't jog because of her boobs. Sure. And there was something wrong with the shape of the blood vessels, so the blood couldn't get out of his enormous dick. So then they had to go in and, like, chop some of the meat off. Oh, my. I know. And now is he playing sports? Have you followed up?

How is he doing? Has he made JV yet? Has he responded to your letters? Well, also, how much, I mean, I'm sure that there's shame when you're like 15 or whatever, but when you're 19, don't you just spend the rest of your life talking about how you had to have a dick reduction surgery? Man, yeah. I mean, it's great that this is made like national news for him too. Yeah.

Didn't, isn't this something, am I misremembering this? Is this something that Punky Brewster had to do? Yes. But in the, this is from an episode of the cartoon. Gotcha. Yeah. When she had that magical elf. I forgot about that cartoon.

It was so good. What did she have? What was her magical being that was with her? It was an elf? Was it a bear? It was something. I forget. I think it just reminded me of Orko from He-Man a little bit.

Yeah. It had that quality to it. I was a bigger fan of the elf cartoon. Oh, yeah. Sure. It was the prequel of back when he lived on Melmac. Melmac, yeah. The Alf cartoon.

Oh, yeah, sure. It was the prequel of back when he lived on Melmac. Melmac, yeah. Can you imagine? I've been thinking about Alf some lately. Sure. I think maybe a couple months ago they talked about Alf a little on Stop Podcasting Yourself, and it really made a big impact on me. There was an Alf joke on Archer last week.

And there's two things aboutF that I was impressed by. I'm just going to, you keep talking. I'm going to trumpet the ALF theme song. Number one, I'm pretty sure that ALF ran for three seasons, which is, how is it possible that Alf was good enough to get four seasons, Brian says, was good enough to get renewed three times, but not good enough to make it to 100 episodes? Oh, yeah, sure. How is it possible that the first three times they saw this show about a space dog that eats cats. Right. Who's from a planet named after a popular dishware. Three times they were like, yes.

But then after that, they were like, no. Like, how is it possible that the length of the run of the show was in the middle ground? I think you're right, because I mean, Alfred, I think, is now relegated to, you know, goofy punchline for people our age and not, you know, thing that was in syndication that everybody remembers. So you're right. It is in that kind of liminal zone. Here's question number two about ALF. How is it possible that was a real network show? Oh, well, there are better questions than that. Like there was a show on ABC that I, for an extended period of time, thought I had imagined.

Where Snow White, Prince Charming, like it was a suburban like family multicam sitcom that was called The Charmings about an evil queen and Snow White living together in a house and having children. And it ran for two seasons. that some guy some white dude some 38 year old white dude thought of that pitched it he was great in the room even even in that context he made like two million dollars yeah you know what I mean two million dollars sure because he was able to convince some asshole in an Armani suit that it was a good idea to make a show about Prince Charming and Snow White living in the suburbs called The Charmings. All we need is one of those. That's what I'm saying. One of those and we're fucking set. We can get the meetings.

Let's get in there. Not these days. We'd have to pilot a web series first build a following online and okay i'm just gonna say a couple of things here yeah first one is what if alf gets the daily show desk okay um this is something we were talking about i've been saying get an alien in there, right? It's about time. Thank you. James Corden, national alien. Sure. Why not interplanetary alien?

Diversity. Second point. I mean, that's too far. However, this is real and practical and we need to keep saying this. Alf on Celebrity Apprentice. I mean, who? Going toe to toe with Trump? Oh, yeah.

Who would? Who better? That would be the best. Ever since Paul Rubens told me that he once offered, after years of them pursuing him, he once offered to be on, what was that show called? Where the Celebrities All Live in a House Together on VH1. Oh, the surreal life. Surreal life.

He finally agreed to be on the surreal life if he could be roommates with Jose Canseco and stay in character the entire time. That's like, oh, how could they have decided not to do that? Okay, one time Jose Canseco was doing a live ask-me-anything sort of thing on his own website. You mean josecanseco.com? Yes. And I was like, yes. So I paid the money, signed in, and I was the only person there. Wait, what kind of money are we talking about it was a dollar and uh it was he had by that

point in time like put down his computer so was just webcasting him snacking and watching jurassic park what and i watched that for 45 minutes. Did at any point he place his semi-erect penis in his shoe? No, I wish. What's really amazing about Jose Canseco is how elegantly he has created his own personal brand. Sure. I mean, you don't see Jesse Barfield out there doing this. You don't see Eddie Murray out there qualifying for the surreal life.

Jose Canseco maybe is some kind of genius. Yeah, but I think at a certain point as a celebrity, you just have to ask yourself, is now the time to go crazy? Is now the time to become a madman? Jose Canseco done been crazy sure like one of the highlights of my childhood and a vivid memory that i still hold very dear was the time that jose canseco got arrested for driving his porsche like 120 miles an hour on the freeway and he said that it was because he had been running poorly and wanted to see how it would run if he put jet fuel in that's jose can take a jose can take a shooting a machine gun at sharks like

that's i mean that man he gets it yeah one time you know i was on the sclar brothers podcast once and uh nate corddry was there and uh we were kind of hanging out before Nate Corddry went on microphone, I think. And somehow Jose Canseco was in the news. Somehow. Jose Canseco was in the mockable sports news. I don't know how that happened. And Nate Corddry said he had a softball team in L.A. composed of just other minor television personalities, TV writers, that sort of thing.

And one day they were just practicing and Jose Canseco came up and said, hey, can I play with you guys? And so they just played for like an hour with Jose Canseco. That's amazing. Right? That's the magic you want in this world. Fucking smashing balls. How do you think he gets money?

He plays professional softball. Oh, okay. For one thing. Sure. He had two best-selling books. Well, one best-selling book and the follow-up to it was best-selling book. Okay. Alright, he's probably set then. I don't know. There's this guy that used to play for the Giants named Cory Snyder.

And Cory Snyder retired at like, you know, a real like a deep reasonable age for a baseball player to retire 37 or 38 you know and uh he spent like the next 15 years playing professional fast pitch softball and i'm just like that's how you fucking do it you know what i mean as far as i'm concerned go for for it. Play professional fast pitch. I feel like all baseball players who are too old to play in the major leagues should definitely be playing in Korea and Taiwan and the Australian League and the Dutch League. Just keep going. Just play out the string.

When Ricky Henderson was like 52 and he was playing for the Newark Bears independent minor league baseball team, people thought it was below his dignity. I was like, no, I want to see what 52-year-old Ricky Henderson plays baseball like. That sounds great. Can we widen this out to also include faded television stars like Alf? Hey, Alf. Join an improv group. Yeah, absolutely. Make some vlogs. Get on that Second City improv crew. Sure, Cruz Alf. Hey, Alf. Join an improv group. Yeah, absolutely. Make some vlogs.

Get on that Second City improv group. Sure, Cruz Alf. If Alf started vlogging, just like candle reviews. Yeah, doing makeup hauls. I'm not convinced that Alf is that far from vlogging. What is the guy that created

Alf up to? He's probably dead, right? Cocaine. One of the old Jews that I have worked for in this town, and they are legion. One of them was like, yeah. We should explain. Guy is in the rag business. He's a garment middleman.

Listeners, I am a member of the tribe thus allowed to speak ill of the Jews like he was like yeah I have this buddy his job is to just pitch stuff for Alf and it was like wonderful and amazing and was it around

I think it was shortly after Alf's short lived VH1 talk show wait Alf had a talk-lived VH1 talk show. Wait, Alf had a talk show on VH1? Alf had a VH1 talk show. For like, I feel like there have been nostalgia booms in the way that there are tech booms. Yeah. Like, I feel like there was this way that we tried to wrap our hands loves the 70s or whatever that thing was on TV, people were like, oh, everybody wants to just watch people list things from between 1975 or 1973 and 1986.

Yeah. Rubik's Cube had a talk show briefly on VH1. Oh, I do remember the Rubik's Cube Saturday morning cartoon. That was terrible. What did Rubik's Cube do morning cartoon. That was terrible. What did Rubik's Cube do? I forget what it was. Was there an animated Rubik's Cube? I think it was just kids.

I don't know. I remember the laser tag one. There was a Pac-Man one where he talked like this. This was Pac-Man's voice. Like, hey. Hey, it's me, Pac-Man. Of course, this is how Pac-Man talks. Oh, I miss Pac-Man. Just a hard ass from Brooklyn.

Gotta eat ghosts. Well, I mean, and it was the weird fact that it was just sort of like these guys in their 40s, white guys in their 40s, were like, this is a thing. I'll pitch about that. that i think can i tell you that the closest i got to a video game uh until i bought myself a sega genesis with two years of birthday money at age 12 uh was cubert the board game oh nice that's sad yeah hand me down too cubert was an amazing game i think something that is was different about showbiz then uh is that i think there was just so much money and so much cocaine i think it was both and i think that's where you get your the charmings that's where you get your four seasons of alf uh although yeah i mean i guess i can't i i'll say this maybe it's wrong is tv saner now

it's cheaper yeah i think it's just cheaper yeah well i mean there's there's such a proliferation of opportunities for madness sure yeah like i feel like in 1986 somebody from cbs the tiffany network was like sitting in a boardroom meeting and he's like about our new late night talk show hall hall is out but oats is in You know what I mean? It's like, we got Oates. And now that happens, but it's for the Lululemon web channel. Right. And Oates is getting 50 bucks a pop. Right?

I'll give him 100 bucks. And we feel grow back the mustache. We managed to snag that one girl from Vine who falls down a lot, you guys. Yeah. Hashtag Titty Tuesday. She's doing some really exciting things in the Titty Tuesday space. She's really done exceptionally in that whole vertical. Okay.

The best thing about watching an old match game is realizing what they're promoting, because they're all promoting that they're doing Hello Dolly in Pensacola. now what if canane what if the way that canane had to make his money like was you know doing bad like regional theater but getting people to show up by being on tv sure like yeah the tv was to promote the real cash cow which was the regional theater well i feel like what it is is you're like in houston doing hello dolly if you're whatever rip taylor uh but your co-star is like louis armstrong really louis armstrong he's like what can i say those people who got the one role and who were like i can do that i am carol channing i will do hello dolly for 40 years that is kind of a great thing you know i i just just read, I'm going to New York this coming weekend for some business

meetings, gentlemen. And I had my Saturday night open, and I thought, well, first I thought, should I go to Studio 54? Sure. Is Ruth Bader Ginsburg going to be there? She can get you in. No, my first thought was, I should go see a

Broadway show. I don't know if you guys have heard about these, but they're quite the extravaganza from what I understand. I've only seen touring productions and of course high school theater. But I enjoy those. I love to go. I still to this day love to go to see high school theater. It's pretty great. I'm a real

creep. And when I was doing theater in high school, I always like like thought about like, oh, like, you know, I don't want this to be just for, you know, the students at the school. I mean, I would love if this could be a community event and like everyone would come. But just think about the fucking weirdo that goes to a high school play who's not affiliated with anybody. I have to say this. Who just like loves theater i feel like there is nothing that i wanted less than for people to come to my high school musical i wanted to be in a high school musical don't get me wrong sure uh

singing and dancing and being encouraged for it even when you're bad is great fun. But I remember like I was in Little Shop of Horrors and I was in it because I liked the lead and that worked out. But – Who did you play? You're married to Audrey 2. Yeah. But I played – well, in Little Shop, all of the comedy characters are often played by the same person. I think I played, you know, the dentist and the lady that comes in and, like, ten different things.

Yeah. But I remember when it opened thinking, like, I don't want my parents to come to this. You know what I mean? Like, I don't want my parents to come to this. You know what I mean? Like, I don't want them to see. Because I can't bear to watch that kind of thing. Like, I can't bear to watch any kind of show that I don't live that I don't think is going to be great.

Because it mortifies me if I'm embarrassed for the people on stage. I think when I was in high school theater, I genuinely thought the plays were great. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm like, oh, this is awesome. So I was like – but, yeah, I'm sure if I – like any kind of like flash of memory I get from it now, like when someone posts a picture online of like us in our high school drama costumes, it's like, oh, i am i am so glad youtube didn't exist then because oh my god it would all be up there yeah my high school theater teacher posted a picture of me in costume for the three penny opera with like some friends some

people who i am still friends with now standing next to me and like i'm looking at this and i'm thinking on the one hand you know out of these 12 people in this picture, like four or five of them are probably professional actors right now. I mean, I went to an arts high school. But that having been said, I never want to see this picture again in my life. It was mortifying. It was horrible. I watch a lot of YouTube clips of college and high school productions of musicals and straight plays. I have to tell you, I watch them judgmentally.

I get very angry about. I feel like you're a person who can clarify this for me. Is it OK for you to be implying that musicals are gay plays? I am just using variety terminology. Thank you very much. Okay, I got you. I got you. I understand that.

These do boffo be all right. I refer to talk shows as yakkers. Networks as skeens. Do you guys remember that show, The Charmings on Alphabet Net? Sure, yeah. I get very angry. I get more angry at college productions of a play where it's just a lead who just doesn't get it. Like, I went into a deep Wendy Wasserstein hole and was watching a lot of, like, 19-year-old girls leaning forward as they delivered lines from the Heidi Chronicles.

And just, oh, oh. And I watched a – it was amazing. It was an English language university in Cairo doing Wendy Wasserstein's last play third. And it was good. Like, it was weird to watch these people who were doing it essentially as an ESL exercise. Like, kind of killing this play. And it was awesome. I very much miss high school football games and would love to be able to go to high school football games and would love to be able to go to high school football games.

And the only place where that is allowed by the law essentially is at my old high school. And I like never go back there. Where is it? What state? It's a rural Northern California. Okay. Like it's a, it's a tiny high school. And the only thing that is happening in that town on a Friday is that there's a game at Sutter.

And so, like, the only lights in town are, like, the lights there. And, like, it's a lovely experience. And you also just get to. So they even shut down the DQ? There are two places where you can purchase food in that town. One is a gas station. If you ask me, they're both guest dishes. But like high school football games...

The other one we should explain is the French Laundry. That would be amazing. Thomas Keller's the French Laundry. Grew up in Yountville. Is that where it is? Yountville? I don't know where the French Laundry is. I've never been there.

I'm not going to say Yountville. It's in rural Northern California. Okay, look. Because I went to Berkeley, I must be a Chez Panisse partisan. Sure. And have to be vehemently anti-French Laundry. Gotcha. But, like, high school football game, you get to watch the football, and then you also

get to watch the messy bad football. But then you also get to watch the i'll see the messy bad football but then you also get to watch like the social dynamics like you get to watch all those jv football players come back and try to reintegrate themselves into the stands and it's hilarious oh i speaking okay i want to conclude this thought that i had earlier uh i was looking at the theater listings for the great city of New York. One of the most popular theater meccas in the world. Let me ask you this. How's the pizza?

Also, how's the theater in Mecca? You know what? It doesn't quite have that dominoes. Since they fixed the recipe of dominoes like that's sort of my gold standard. Sure. And I feel like it's like... Because they listened. Yeah.

Domino's listened. Yeah. And did Famous Raise? No, I don't think so. That's true. None of the Famous Rays listened. I mean, you can't even get at Famous Raise on Twitter. No, absolutely not. I can't order it online. There's no pizza tracker. It has flavor.

Sure. So there's a lot of problems with it. But the theater in New York? There's a revival theater that does cyclical revivals where they'll do it, everything runs for a month.

Uh-huh. It's like a second stage at the public or something like that. And they're reviving Little Shop of Horrors. It wasn't the dates that I was there. It that. And they're reviving Little Shop of Horrors. It wasn't the dates that I was there. It's too bad. I really enjoy Little Shop of Horrors. It was fun to get to be in it.

But the woman who plays Audrey is starring as Audrey, who originated the role on Broadway and in film. Ellen Green? 30 years ago. Wow. Ellen Green is 30 years ago. Wow. Ellen Green is doing this? Yes. That's amazing. Yeah.

That's also... But I guess if you're her, what other role are you going to get, right? Yeah. I mean, she's great. She's great at it. But, you know... Pushing Daisies was canceled.

There you go. There you go. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan Disick. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. This is Guy Branum, eggplant detractor.

Special guest in the studio. Brian Fernandez, Sonny D. Sonny D is here with us. The reason Sonny D is here with us, this is the very last week of the Brian and Lindsay will totally eat that Kickstarter. What's our current status on this thing, Brian? So we got about a week left, and there's about almost 500 people have donated. We're sitting at around 21,

almost $22,000. Which is pretty amazing. Our goal is $30,000 and we're going to make at least 10 episodes out of that $30,000. Right now on the Kickstarter, we got two episodes of the show. The first episode that we launched with The Thing and then we also just launched a second episode.

Thanks to our friend Jay Frosting who edited it for us pro bono and on that one they eat Larry the Cable Guy brand beer bread well I should say make and eat Larry the Cable Guy brand beer bread yeah we made and ate Larry the Cable Guy's bread

and we got the bread sweats yeah they got bread sweats you can find the episode online at breadsweats.com. What else does Larry the Cable Guy put his name on food-wise? There was a cornbread. I bought it at the dollar store across the street from our office. There was also a cornbread and muffin mix. And I feel like maybe there was batter oh, there was battering materials.

Okay. So for making a. For making a batter. Okay. Not for battering like a woman. Anything that you can pour bread into. Sure. There's just a box of Larry the Cable Guy on the front and inside is a sock filled with pennies.

Teach him a thing or two. Part of the proceeds, I'm happy to say benefited the Get Her Done Foundation no that's great when we purchased that box for 99 cents at the dollar store I'm not going to reveal

how it goes but it's a really fun episode you should watch it the Get Her Done goes out there to mostly outreach to gay and trans youth and just getting them

super drunk it really is. You can watch that online at bread sweats.com or on the Kickstarter. You can go to bread sweats.com and click through the link to the Kickstarter. Here's the thing. This is what I want to emphasize. We're really, this is our first ever video production.

I think we have a really awesome team in place. We're really gonna, we're going to pay everybody a modest but reasonable wage. And I think we're going to demonstrate that Max Fund can make videos. And I think it's going to be really awesome. Hover has been really nice about helping us with some backing. They came through with a $10,000 challenge grant. That's why we're up over $20,000 now.

But I just want to emphasize, look, there's all kinds of rewards and cool stuff you can get. And there's pictures of all that stuff online, but minimum, minimum backer, a dollar, a dollar. So like, just go and do it because we really appreciate your help. And we really want to prove that we can make awesome video content. Like no, basically nobody's going to give us money to make video content unless we've already made great video content and I'm really proud of this show. I think it's going

to be really cool. So, go watch the episodes. Kick in a buck. It's like, even if you watch both episodes and kick in a buck,

it's five minutes of your life but I think you're going to enjoy it. And who doesn't love Sonny D? Every, if literally,

if every single fucking person who bitched at me on Twitter and email about asking Sonny D not to laugh for one episode. Hasn't kicked in at least a dollar to support his fucking, his support.

Dan, you're on my shit list forever. Forever. Everybody else. Look, if you're unemployed, you don't have to, but everybody else. Get off a buck. A buck, right? A buck. Do it.

Kickstarter.com. Search for Brian and Lindsay. We'll totally eat that. Or just click the link on MaximumFun.org. Make Brian a very happy young man. Make him the star that he deserves to be. His star has been shining under a blanket for too long. Remove that blanket.

Can I tell you the two things that I've decided to make them eat if we get the money to make this show so far? Number one is crickets. We live or work here in a substantially Oaxacan neighborhood, so crickets are just available for purchase for human consumption, hither and yon. Just all around. You can just go to the corner store

and buy a bag of crickets. So that's number one. We're going to make them eat some crickets. Number two, a chocolate butthole. Oh, terrific. Going to make them eat a chocolate butthole. I've seen these famous chocolate buttholes. Yeah, these are very famous chocolate buttholes.

And my only disappointment with the chocolate buttholes, and I don't mean to introduce any note of negativity into this. These are chocolates shaped like buttholes. Very realistically shaped like buttholes. There's a lot of texture. Yeah. Very realistically shaped like butthole. There's a lot of texture. Yeah.

And I was hoping that you could get a kit to make your own chocolate butthole. And I had already emailed Kevin. I had already emailed Kevin Allison from Risk. He had already agreed. He said it would be crazy. His response was, I sent him a thing that said, I kind of feel like we should make a chocolate mold of your butt and make Brian and Lindsay eat it. And he emailed me back, it would be crazy if we didn't. I'm stunned that Kevin Allison doesn't have a home kit.

I would think that this would be available on KevinAllison.com. So that's two things we'll see about other things. I'm trying to get some jellied eel, which is a big thing in England apparently. Sarah Morgan from International Waters is saying she might be able to bring some back in her luggage next time she comes to visit the United States. But, yeah, we're going to throw some weird stuff at Brian and Lindsay and make them eat it if we can hit that goal. So help us out with a buck. Go to kickstarter.com, search for Brian and Lindsay, or just go to MaximumFun.org and click through the link on the right-hand side.

Thank you, Brian. Thank you. If you want to get up on the Jumbotron, go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. It's $100 for your personal message, $200 for your commercial message. If you want to sponsor Jordan, Jesse, Go, just email Teresa at MaximumFun.org or sponsor any of MaximumFun.org's programs or a variety of them. Why not sponsor Pop Rocket? Right, Guy?

Pop Rocket is an amazing show that is full of lots of very strong opinions that will be in favor of you and your products if you sponsor us. That's the kind of journalistic integrity we have here at MaximumFun.org. We'll be back in just a second with more. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. This is Guy Branum.

I don't have a cute name for myself. I failed. You could have just said no. You've been on the show before. I've been on the show before. Just go back. You don't need a cute name for myself. I failed. You could have just said that. You've been on the show before. I've been on the show before. Just go back. You don't need a new one every time. I'm supposed to be a professional comedian.

I'm Guy Branum. High school football creeper. High school football creeper. When something momentous happens to you, we have you call us for our segment, Momentous Occasions. Our phone number, 206-984-4FUN. We're going to start this week, I understand, from our producer, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez, with a clarification regarding Star Fox.

Hey, guys. A follow-up call, RE Star Fox Fuckfest. The slash fiction is actually Falco and Slippy, if that makes any difference to you guys. And they don't specifically say that they're actors in costumes, but the slash fiction does take place in the realm of the play.

It says that in the description, and it makes a number of references to Falco's addiction to space cocaine. Thanks so much. See you guys. Bye. So this was, someone called in last week that an amateur theatrical production of a musical based on the Nintendo game Star Fox that they had been in had been converted to slash fiction

in which two of the Star Foxes were fucking. And it sounds like it's not entirely clear whether it was the star foxes themselves that were fucking or whether it was the actor's portrait it's a very meta it sounds yeah what it sounds like is happening is that the slash fic takes place in the world that they've created for the play this particular star fox universe but that would be like saying that hello dolly slash fic was about car Channing. It's difficult. It's not. It's difficult to peel back the layers. Like what if you wrote slash fic about the movie Tristram Shandy a cock and bull story. Sure. You know you have to figure out what's real what's within the world of Tristram Shandy Tristram Shandy the novel itself may have meta elements may have been created having meta. So you're pulling out, is this Steve Coogan fucking someone or is this Steve Coogan's character fucking someone? You know what I mean? And which one is fucking Star Fox?

I mean, as a person who is primarily sexually aroused by Nintendo adventure games. Right. I'm like, I respect the Star Fox, but I'm more of a Ratchet and Clank guy myself. Interesting. Interesting. I mean, it's an erotic world. It is. Lots of gadgets.

It is. Sure. Guys, furry culture isn't just about fucking. But I do have a funny story about furry culture, which is we were at San Francisco Sketch Fest a week ago. And we had a great time. Jordan and I and Brian were there doing Jordan Jesse Go, which you heard last week on this program. We did Judge John Hodgman that's going to come out this week on Judge John Hodgman, I believe.

And we stayed in a very nice hotel called the Kabuki that is in Japantown in San Francisco. And there's a great Japanese mall or Japanese-American mall that basically constitutes Japantown. There's also one other block. But it's full of – there's a great Japanese bookstore where I went to buy some of my favorite Japanese menswear magazines. Did not find any copies of my favorite Oily Boy. But I did pick up the Dad style 2015 annual of Free and Easy. And yeah, it's a great place. If you want a fish shaped waffle, it's probably your best option in San Francisco.

Can I tell you a secret? I went for breakfast on my last day to the fish shaped waffle place. It's this kind of fish shaped waffle. I can't remember what they're called, but they have a goo inside. Either chocolatey goo or banana-y goo or chocolate banana goo and I went there

to get myself some fish waffles for breakfast the day I left not ready yet I had to have corned beef hash did that have

any goo in it? no goo certainly no banana goo that's why you need to travel with your own goo there was some of that white slime you need to do like you know how an aunt will travel with her own hot sauce.

You need to do that, but with goo. Aunts can actually carry 50 times their own weight in hot sauce. That's because they're your mom's sister. Tristram Shandy, a cock and bull story. So one of the things about a Japanese mall in a major American city is there are two primary groups of people in the mall. Number one, Japanese people seeking Japanese goods. Okay. That's your number one group of people that constitutes about 85% of the other group is jocks, right? Yeah, exactly. Sporto high school football.

Yeah. Exactly. Sportos? High school football players. The other group is just some of the just most colorful characters that the white race has to offer. And one of the groups of colorful characters was a couple of furries who were walking around together in the mall. And I was thinking thinking that's funny do they go to the japantown mall specifically to do furry stuff because they're also into manga or whatever but like that's like where furries meet up because japanese stuff and nerds and furries and manga all coalesce into one point. And I was like, huh. Okay. I guess that kind of makes sense.

I feel bad for the not furry Japanese people who are just looking for Japanese things and didn't agree to come to a complicated thing, complicated event. That people say is not sexual but is totally sexual. Yeah. But – and so I was a little ambivalent about it. I was like, well, on the one hand, you're not bothering anybody except that it is probably making these people who are not familiar with this culture very uncomfortable. But then I went there's a plaza at this mall, an outdoor plaza. And sitting there was this guy in a fox suit and he was holding his phone. And he was holding his phone. And I got to see him try and text message someone by holding the phone up and sort of above and to the left of his head so he could look out one of the eye holes of his fox suit and then try and press the buttons with his fox hand.

Oh, God, it was gorgeous. It was just gorgeous. I just wanted to go up and give him a hug. Just say, hey, man, you do you, man. You do you. His text says, I'm wearing the fox suit. Come as a raccoon or don't come at all. That has a double meaning, too. Sure.

Look, if they don't want to have to deal with furries, they shouldn't come from a culture that made wood cuttings of ladies getting fucked by octopuses 150 years ago. That's a great point, Guy. You release this upon the world. You have to deal with it if you want to get, like, your upscale lacquer good items in San Francisco. Yeah, that's a good point. You're looking for sushi plates.

You want to go to that Japanese hardware store that's so nice. Need a windsock in San Francisco. Japanese hardware stores. I don't know why they are so perfect and magical. Dude, the Japanese hardware store, I've been going to that Japanese hardware stores. I don't know why they are so perfect and magical. The Japanese hardware store. I've been going to that Japanese hardware store in Japantown in San Francisco since I was a child. I went there again just to check on it. I went there actually with Eddie Pepitone, comedian Eddie Pepitone. And yeah, that shit is magical as fuck because number one, you got all of the different kinds of dishware that's a one of

the top things they sell at a japanese hardware store is different kinds of dishware because every kind of uh all these different dishes all these different japanese dishes have a different kind of dishware and all the dishware is beautiful and it all costs two dollars and fifty cents that's number one number two just 75 different kinds of Japanese knives for $100 and 1,000 different paper lanterns and windsocks. And also slippers. And then just regular things that would be in a regular hardware store. But that is the sum total of the stuff that a Japanese person is looking for in a hardware store in addition to wood glue. Above and beyond wood glue and screwdrivers. They want

a thousand kinds of knife, 17 different kinds of semi-disposable slippers, a lot of dishware, and a bunch of windsocks and paper lanterns. And I am all fucking for it. You go in there, it's just so, everything's so beautiful. Ah, it's fun. Great time. Anyway,

that furry trying to look at his phone through the hole in his costume, just bringing it up a little higher, a little closer. He's got like a camera obscura in there. Sure. Got to bring it into focus. Okay, let's take our first momentous occasion call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and Go.

I'm from Memphis. Momentous occasion just a few moments ago. I got a new bonsai tree for my desk. I was very excited about this. It would really spruce up a kind of boring workspace, so I was looking forward to getting this old bonsai tree on my desk. So I got it today, and I got it arranged. My boss, who is a woman a few years older than I am, a very serious and buttoned-up lady who I like, but generally a pretty serious person, came over to my desk and looked at the bonsai tree.

And she looked at me, and she took a long, slow drink of her coffee and said, Nice bush. Locked eyes with me. And I think she was just daring me to laugh. And I didn't. I held on. But it was pretty goddamn funny.

So thanks, guys. Nice bush. Nice bush, friend. Nice bush. You know what I think we got here? Potential reverse secretary. You think that she's the spader. Yeah.

I mean, it starts with nice push. This guy plays his cards right. He could be wearing a little saddle in her office. If everything goes according to Hoyle from here on out, he's going to be on the phone to her asking how many peas he should eat. Oh, yeah. That call was amazing. I like that it is admissible sexual harassment evidence. At some point in time in the future.

I was so excited about him saying that his small evergreen tree had spruced up his office. Oh, that's also cute. And I was not even ready for the bush pun. And I really liked that it came off of our discussion of Japanese design. Sure. Really dovetailed nicely, like a nice tansu. What's a tansu? It's a type of cabinet.

Oh, okay. It's a type of cabinet. Oh. Oh, okay. Here's my theory on why Japanese people's, like, why Japanese design is so meticulously done. This is about to be racist. I did not realize it until now. No, it's going to be deep Tokian nerd.

Do you know how the elves could just, like, spend forever just, like, crafting a bow because they're never going to die? I realized. The elves from Lord of the Rings. From Lord of the Rings. Yes. Well, I realized based on Ali Wong's material about how Asian people essentially live forever. You know, when you know that based on your diet you're going to live 112 years, you spend an extra seven days on that cabinet. That's why Muji is so nice.

Muji. It's nice. Unbranded goods. It's unbranded in Japanese. Muji. Let's take another call. This whole story just had nothing but Totoro shit. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, Gus. This is Lisa. I'm calling from

near Portland, which will explain my next part of this call. I'm driving on some backcountry roads, and I see ahead of me two cyclists. I'm like, oh, yeah, that's typical, two cyclists riding on some country roads. And then I get closer, and I realize that they are on mountain bike unicycles. That's right, mountain bike unicycles. I have never seen one of these before, and I thought you guys would appreciate that.

Anyway, love the show. Bye. I'm sad to say that I have seen those before. Jordan, I'm sure you saw those before. There was a real mountain bike unicycle enthusiast that regularly scooted around our college campus. Oh, yeah, sure, sure. This was unplanned, but since it's come up, we've been talking a lot about mountain bike unicycling

on Judge John Hodgman lately. Okay. Judge John Hodgman put out a challenge to design a convertible unicycle, one with two wheels, one for street riding and one for off-roading. And we got a number of beautiful designs for convertible. Mostly the primary solution was a sort of C-bar. So like you sit on top of the one wheel and then there's a sort of C-bar that

goes around behind you. And then the other wheel sticks up above your head. There were some tripartite designs that I think might have worked better balance-wise that were pretty interesting, but that was the main one, was one below and one above. And one of the designs, you can check out all the designs at MaximumFun.org, just click on Judge John Hodgman, but one of the nicest designs was so nice that we felt bad that it wasn't going to win the contest because the judge had put up a cash prize of $50 and so which by the way

the guy who won generously donated to the Kickstarter for Brian and Lindsay will totally eat that but anyway one of them was so beautiful that we felt bad not having it win, so we made it into a limited edition t-shirt, which you can order only for the next two weeks.

So maxfundstore.com. Get yourself one of those, son of a bitches. Get yourself a Jordan Jesse Go t-shirt. Get yourself a Jordan Jesse Go print. Boom. Free shipping. Tons of fun stuff. Oh, this is a limited edition t-shirt of a conceptual off-road unicycle T-shirt I got from my favorite podcasting network is actually a password to get into a Portland bar.

Great micro-brews there. Great micro-brews. And that guy will slap the fuck out of a mint leaf he will he will slap it he will slap it like Larry the Cable Guy slaps people who no never mind

I love nothing more sometimes at Bigfoot Lodge you're going off microphone I haven't yet said we'll be back in just a second what happens to me like sometimes at Bigfoot Lodge. You're going off microphone. I haven't yet said we'll be back in just a second. What happens to me? What happens to Bigfoot? It's Jordan, Jesse go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, gun did you just take pop rocket away from me you're gonna give it he's gonna give it to a more by the books podcast host a button up we can't afford any more lawsuits branham we're here to serve and protect and entertain and inform sorry the podcast is going to Brian Williams.

He may be dishonest, but... He can tell a goddamn story. Sure, there you go. You guys, I can't get enough of Brian Williams and other people who aren't that funny being funny relative to their job occupation. Yeah, I think he... I love it. Oh, can I say one thing that I saw on television?

I try not to repeat a funny thing that happened on television. As a matter of course, as a professional entertainer myself. But Jack McBrayer in Triumph the Insult Comic Dog went on Fallon the other day to promote their show on Adult Swim, which everyone should watch because Jack McBrayer is every bit as lovely a person as he seems like he is and also is a comedy genius

and also Triumph the Insult Comic Dog is Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. So at one point, so they're doing a bit, they did a very funny bit, and I'm watching this clip, and I think it's just going to be them doing this very funny bit. The bit is Jack McBrayer is explaining the premise of the show

while Triumph shuts his mouth. And while he shuts his mouth, he reads magazines with titles that are insulting to the various people on the show. OK, it's a very funny bit. Great jokes. I'm not going to repeat them. And I think that's going to be what it is. And I'm satiated. And then Triumph interrupts and says something about how they got their start on Conan.

How about a hand for Conan? There's a sort of smattering of applause. Triumph says, oh, that was the very definition of a smattering. And then Fallon says something, you know, genial as he does. And then Triumph the Insolcomic Dog says, you know, we're here on NBC. We would never say anything ill about NBC. You know, NBC will always be the place that Jack and I got our start and also the people who fucked Conan. And I was like, that's the best thing I've ever seen anyone say.

Now, granted, it was a guy hiding behind a chair, sure, holding a puppet up to a microphone as though it could hear it from the microphone. But God, one of the best things I've ever seen on television. Jimmy Fallon is just there like, how do I be genial about this? How do I be genial about this? Well, I'm not a fan of the Fallon Show, but I never thought about it. But just going in there and understanding that he's going to be so nice, be as mean as you can, because he'll still just be nice. Just get Norm MacDonald in there to

Yeah. Anyway. It was a beautiful thing that happened in my life. I hope everyone will go on the internet and watch it because finally

Jimmy Fallon will have a viral hit. Anyway. I was only reminded of that because of the enthusiasm that The Tonight Show has for people

who aren't exactly you know. I also love that we've discussed two puppet comedy figures tonight. Oh, yeah. There's been a lot of, like, good themes in today's show. Let's be clear. Do I aspire

to be the guy who's funny for a public radio host? Absolutely. That is my career goal. I want to be a surprising guest thing on things. He's like, he's from NPR, but he swore? That's my whole trajectory of my entire career.

So maybe it's time to lay off poor old Brian Williams then. Would you turn down a 30 Rock cameo where you got to goof around? He's in no position to turn that down. He did a good job. God bless him. The reason people say that about him is because he does a good job. Does anyone know who the network anchors for any other network are?

I mean, I only enjoy CBS this morning, so I know Mo Rocca and Oprah's Fred Gale and Charlie Rose. Charlie Rose is on CBS Sunday morning? Yeah. How drunk is he? Pretty. Yeah. Not as drunk as Kathy Lee and Hoda. Does he bring a black background with him?

Yeah, everyone else is in a void. He just has like a ribbon of black fabric behind him that he travels with and in turn is holding it up behind his head. And then the final shot of the show, they pull out and Charlie Rose is sitting in front of a giant eyeball. It's just the iris. Man, you know what I would like? Is if the format of CBS Sunday Morning was anytime- Oh, CBS This Morning. Oh, CBS This Morning.

Mo Rocca's not involved. Just mainly Oprah's friend Gail and Charlie Rose. Our friend Luke Burbank does things on CBS Sunday Morning sometimes. Yeah. That's good. Our friend Luke Burbank does things on CBS Sunday morning sometimes. Yeah. That's good.

So CBS this morning, I'd like it if normally they're in a three shot. It looks totally normal. Everybody's on screen. It's whoever is on that show, Charlie Rose and Gail from Oprah and the other person. The other, I don't know, whoever. It's a lady. Robin Roberts or something. Yeah.

And the three of them, when they're in it, it looks totally normal. But anytime they cut to a one shot of just Charlie Rose, he's in a black jacket. That's the world that I would like to see. Take homes from this week's program. Number one, this is your last chance to back Brian and Lindsay will totally eat that. I'm really proud of this. Go watch it and enjoy it. I think Brian is so wonderful on camera and so is Lindsay and it's just a really

fun thing and I really want to make a whole bunch of them. And promote eel smuggling. Yeah, and promote eel smuggling. You have a chance to have a hand in an international eel smuggling ring. Sure. I mean, and a chance to bring light to our nation's unfair eel laws.

Yeah, exactly. Our eel importing laws, they're antiquated. They date back to the Cold War. They have nothing to do with modern foreign policy. Finally, someone's got to stand up to those foreign eel cartels. Sure. Who won't let us at those Thames wigglers? Listen, there was a time when the eels had missiles pointed at Washington, D.el. Sure. Who won't let us at those Thames wigglers? Listen, there was a time when the eels had missiles pointed at Washington, D.C.

Sure. I'll admit that. A long time ago. It was a long – times have changed. Just because one tiny block of voters in Miami thinks that I shouldn't be allowed to eat a jellied eel. You know, the next generation, they believe in jellied eel. Sure. This show and its Cuban baiting.

The old boys. Come at us, Cubans. Come at us, Mark Cuban. While we're at it. I don't believe in the future of HDTV. I don't think sports and entertainment are a good mix. I do think plantains should be served with everything. That's where we agree, Mark Cuban.

Wait a minute. No, now I think, well, anyway. Yeah. So thing number one is, please, back Brian and Lindsay will totally eat that. You can find the link just right on the homepage at MaximumFun.org or search for it on Kickstarter. And if you are already, if you've already backed it, please back it as we try and close in on that big number. Thank you very much.

Number two take home from this week's program is Guy Branum is one of the most delightful people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. He's one of the funniest guys. He's a wonderful host and an insightful guy and this panel on Pop Rocket

is my new favorite thing in the world. I literally look forward to listening to Pop Rocket every my new favorite thing in the world. I literally look forward to listening to Pop Rocket every week. Thank you so much. That's so sweet. This is all totally true. I'm not saying any of this because I have a financial stake in the program. This really is all true. I look forward to listening to it every week.

Actually, my wife, Teresa, who doesn't listen to this show, doesn't really listen to Bullseye, she listens to Pop Rocket every week because she's so excited about it. It's an amazing panel, great combination of smart, funny people like Guy who aren't critics

and critics and Oliver Wang is a genuine sociologist and the editor of the Journal of Pop Music Studies, Popular Music Studies. It's such a great show. So if you like popular culture of any kind

and you like getting in a laugh and a few thinks in 40 minutes every week, go subscribe to Pop Rock. It's such a great show. Give it a shot. I think you'll really like it. That's my campaigning for Pop Rock because I'm so proud of it. Thank you. I disagree.

I don't really think people should be listening to it. It's one of the things I'm proudest of of thank you the one of the things i disagree i don't really think people should be listening to it's one of the things i'm proudest of of all of the years that we've been doing max fun i'm think it's like come out better than i ever could have hoped i'm so great feel so great about it so go check that out if you have a call for us 206-9844-FUN our email address jjgoe at maximumfun.org thanks to everybody who came out in San Francisco at SF Sketch Fest. That was a fucking blast. Great show. Great show.

Great, great, great, great fun. If you want to... Except for that racist guy. There was a racist guy? Yeah. Oh, I forgot. We can remember him later. Okay, we'll remember him later.

Oh, yeah. Racist guy. I forgot about that. Yeah, don't be racist. Yeah. Apart from the... I mean, it was really only a little bit of racism. It was like grandpa racism, not like great grandpa racism. Jesse, if people wanted to learn more about racism, are there any podcasts that have recurring segments about racism in popular culture?

You know, a lot of people have been asking me, Jesse, when are you going to branch out from the 17 podcasts you already host to have a recurring segment about racism in popular culture on a pop culture chat show? I say, just listen to Pop Rocket. You can hear my regular periodic segment, hashtag that schism. And if you are out there and you notice any racism in popular culture, post it on Twitter with the hashtag that schism. And I'll probably talk about it. We've already covered horrible things that were done by brands in honor of Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Who?

What was the thing that we did two weeks ago? Oh, I forget. Oh, it was people being racist against athletes. Oh, yeah. People being racist against athletes. Anyway, hashtag that schism, my beloved signature segment on the hit show, Pop Rocket.

Yeah, thanks everybody for coming out. You can talk about our show, maximumfund.reddit.com, forum.ma, Pop Rocket. Yeah, thanks everybody for coming out. You can talk about our show, MaximumFun.reddit.com forum.maximumfun.org on Facebook. Click like. You can follow us all on Twitter at Guy Branum, at Jesse Thorne, at Jordan underscore Morris. We'll be back next week on Jordan and Jessica.