Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 367: Strong Genre Preferences with Janet Varney

Episode Date: March 9, 2015

Janet Varney joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of year-round gourds, Purim dancing, and whistle candy.   

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, the voice of the millennial generation. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Welcome to the program, listeners, watchers, smellers whichever whichever of the five senses you prefer sight smell

taste hearing masturbation I'm a little bit jacked up today on chewy sweet tarts oh boy where'd you get those tarts goodie bag

stole them out of my children's goodie bag oh what do the kids get a goodie bag for going to a baby's birthday party ah nice you know I mean

what do they care about babies you know what I mean but you Going to a baby's birthday party. Ah, nice. You know, I mean, what do they care about babies? You know what I mean? But, you know, you go to the birthday party, you hang out, you eat a few chewy sweet tarts. It's a good time. Do you think they'll,

obviously the baby won't know that they're gone. Will Simon know that his bag is light a couple tarts? No, man, I palmed him. Oh. So he didn't even know they were in there to begin with.

You're like, let me check this, make sure there's no poison in here. You palm the tart. Yeah, I gave him a little bit of sweet tart chew, and I took the chewy sweet tarts. There's a difference, Jordan. I'd love to hear it broken down very specifically. One's like Laffy Taffy, and it's gross. I gave that to my son. Who loves gross things.

One is like a little chewy pill. Like a little, a pea of chewy sweet tart. With just the faintest undercurrent of tasting like poison. There's a little bit of bitterness to remind you that you're mortal. You know what I think they should do is at those kids' birthday parties, bag a candy for the kids, bag a prescription meds for daddy.

Yeah, sure. Just some Paxil or whatever? Yeah, some meds for daddy. Some barbiturates. Yeah, some Claritin. Oh, you mean like functional, useful, you're not talking about... Oh no, I want it to run the gamut. Yeah.

I want it to be volume that you can take and just fucking chill. Uh-huh. But also just like, you know, some things for- Just some flow names? Yeah. Some Nasodex. And some Cialis. That's for mommy.

To engorge her vulva. Is that correct? Yeah. Well, just to give her heart palpitations. Gotcha. Our guest on this week's program is having heart palpitations right now. She is a celebrated podcaster, the host of the JV Club. She is a celebrated actress, the star of a cartoon show that I can't think of the name of right now that's very popular, a very popular show that I see people talk about on the Internet sometimes.

And I think my friend Janet is the star of that. She's one of the founders of the San Francisco Sketch Fest. She's a legendary improviser. I saw her recently on the pilot of the show You're the Worst. She was in there. Who knows? Maybe she's recurring. I haven't gotten that far in. Janet Varney.

What if I just refused to speak until I felt you'd covered enough of my CV? Keep going. You want us to talk about the high school plays you were in? Yes, yes. I was in The Sialis Chronicles. God, we really dug deep. You guys were – that was pretty mature for high school students.

Yeah. I've read the Cialis Chronicles. I've read all of Sam Shepard's work. And, you know, there's a lot of – Hold on, Jordan. See, you just showed yourself. Uh-huh. Because that's a Tom Stoppard play.

Oh, boy. Oh, zing. Yep, you got me, guys. They're both soothsayers in their way. Right. Stom-topperd is what I started to say. Stom-topperd. Yeah.

Oh, Stom. You know what I think would be a good flip, flip the letters name for an 80 80s style hardcore punk song. Dumb Kumpster. You've really already thought about this. Yeah, I've been thinking about that a lot. Janet Varney, she's a graduate of San Francisco State University. She's from Phoenix, Arizona. Maybe Temptor.

Tucson, very close. Tucson, Arizona. Yeah, yeah. She used to. Hey, Tucson, very close. Tucson, Arizona. Yep, yep. She used to be roommates with my wife's cousin. Wait, what? Janet Varney. I was? Weren't you?

I don't know. Didn't all of you live in a house on the San Francisco State Campus with my wife's cousin Chris at one point? No, no. I never. Was I a roommate with Dave and Cole? You didn't live with Dave and Cole? No. Yeah. Ugh, those guys. Dave and Cole? You didn't live with Dave and Cole? No. Yeah.

Ugh, those guys. Dave and Cole, the other founders of the San Francisco Sketch Fest. Yeah. I have no idea what any of this is. San Francisco State is a state. When I went to work for San Francisco Sketch Fest many years ago, I learned that I had met the founders of San Francisco Sketch Fest years earlier when I had visited my wife's cousin in his dorm apartment at San Francisco State University because they were roommates. You had not met me. I was not living there.

I get the feeling they were enemies. Hmm. Were they? Enemy roommates? Sort of the – no one has ever said to me, we were enemies. There's some general eye rolling that goes on. No one's ever rolled up a sleeve and said, like, you see this? That scars from him.

Yeah. I mean, it's not like you would, like, I don't know what the interaction, like, the interaction that would lead up to the conversation. Hey, you know your wife's cousin that you know? Yeah. He's my enemy. Right. Or vice versa. My wife's cousin to say, hey, you know your employers or later friends? I say, yes. Say, oh, they're my enemy. Right. Or vice versa, my wife's cousin to say, hey, you know your employers or later friends?

I say, yes. Say, oh, they're my enemies. My mortal enemies. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know much about that because I didn't live there with them. Okay, sorry. So I don't know anything.

Sorry, Tucson. I don't even know who Chris is, to be honest. Tucson, Arizona. All due respect to Chris. Tuxen. I think people, I mean, I think your gut instinct when someone says, oh, do you know this person? Like, even if you don't like that person, everybody always goes like, you know, you take the temperature. You take like, oh, yeah, I do know them.

I do. What are you about to say about them? How cool they are or that they're not cool? For sure. For sure. I think you should just say, oh, yeah. Her voice like a slide whistle. Like a slide whistle.

I feel like I need more slide whistles in my life altogether. Don't you? Can I ask you guys an important slide whistle-related question? I prefer to think of myself in that situation. First of all, how redundant. Every slide whistle question is important. Fair point. Fair point. She's a desert flower from Arizona.

Janet Varney. Keep going. More credits. I knew I had a conversation on Friday about whistle candy. There's no about whistle candy. Sure, sure. Am I making up? So there's one kind of whistle candy with holes that you blow through it

and you can play a song like on a recorder. That's sophisticated. Is there a type of whistle candy with a slider? I don't think so. No? I don't think so. In fact, I've only had the whistle that just blows one train whistle type. No, this idea of a recorder sounds, first of all, very sticky.

Yeah, but I think it's real. I think there should be a whole candy symphony. That's a good point. Just like a candy oboe, candy tuba. How quickly is this going to break bad when you're trying to play a candy violin? Like, what is that? It will not sound good. A string section?

I don't see that working out. Well, the string is just cat gut. Oh, no, the string's... Oh, the string's legit cat gut. The rest of it's candy. The woodwinds in the brass section, all candy. Yeah. If you blow into it.

All meat. Interesting. Yeah. Interesting. So you keep the intestines to bow. You bow across the intestines. Right. But the resonant body is made from what?

Like a whale jaw. Sure. Yeah, a whale jaw. Now hold on. Okay. All the drums, melons. Yeah. That's a really good idea. That's a great idea. That just makes good sense. Okay. All the drums, melons. Yeah. That's a really good idea.

That's a great idea. That just makes good sense. Well, it's a good balanced diet. It really is. You've got the three food groups. It really is. Candy, melon, meat. It really, really is.

Do you think they redacted the food pyramid recently? It's now candy, melon, meat. Do you think, Janet, that the drum section would be seasonal at all? I do. I fear it would be. I fear it I do. I fear it would be. And maybe we shouldn't consult our green dress. I fear it would be. I fear it would be.

We definitely need an advisor on hand at all times. Well, it's certainly necessary to rotate the instruments in and out. Sure. Right? Because otherwise you're going to end up with a pumpkin in December type situation. I hate it when you go to a symphony at a diner and the drums are all cantaloupe. Oh, God. Oh, my God.

It always is. Or honeydew. Or ripe cantaloupe. It's just honeydew my God. It always is. And they're not all ripe cantaloupe. It's just honeydew. Oh, and it's that kind of honeydew that doesn't taste like anything. Slimy nothingness. Yeah. Just a bunch of- Some mucusy.

Yeah. But in all honesty, guys, I do feel like I see pumpkins almost year round on people's stoops these days. It's been puzzling me. Have you noticed this? No, uh-uh. I keep passing by someone's cute cottage house, and it feels like they feel because they have a cottage hobbit hole type bungalow, which you do see here in Los Angeles.

Sure. Storybook architecture. They need to have like a couple of gourds outside. Yeah. Even when it's not times for thanks. Are they carved? Givings for thanks times. Are they jack-o'-lanterned?

No. They're not. I have not seen this. This is new to me. They're not jack-o'-lanterned. It's not that overt. It's not that in your face, not jack-o'-lanterned. It's not that overt. It's not that in-your-face, F off. We don't care if it's not Halloween.

It's just sort of like a, look at how earthy. Right. Look at how earthy. We grew these in our backyard in our shared communal garden. There's some kind of wild melon that grows near my house. Keep going. I'm really perking up now. Yeah.

I only figured out it was a melon by throwing it into a wall. I was like, what the hell is this? I was trying to figure out what it was. I saw a film titled Wild Melons recently. I bet you did. It was under the late night tab of the HBO Go app. And how wild were they? They were pretty wild.

Yeah. They had to organize a car wash to save their melon factory. Oh. Oh. You know, what city is a city if it doesn't have a melon factory? It's the thing that makes a neighborhood what it is. Mm-hmm. Lends a neighborhood its definition.

A nice melon factory. Absolutely. I want to tour that factory. I want to tour the old spaghetti factory and find out why they refused to make new spaghetti. Right. Sure. You know? Well, because so many-

I want some behind the scenes. Come on, everybody. So many children were killed in the machinery that it's now haunted. Oh, like Pink Floyd's The Wall? Yes. Topical. Guys, I don't like to get political on this show. Oh, boy.

Here it comes. But I've been hearing a lot of people complaining about the bailouts. Mm-hmm. And I say, if it weren't for the bailouts, would there still be an American melon manufacturing industry? Boy, that really puts it into perspective, doesn't it? Well, I mean, I think just like American companies were just late to the party on making hybrid melons. Right. The best part about all of this is that there is an actual bank called Melon Bank, which I can only assume is the bank that bailed out the melon factory after being bailed out itself.

Sure. One would assume. That's a double bailout. Everything came full circle. Yeah, yeah. Melon shaped. Is that a bank or a credit union? I don't know.

It'd be nice if it was a credit union because you could join and they'll pay you back to use other banks' ATMs. It's one of the nice things about a credit union. Oh, really? Sure. Got some real facts about credit unions going. Plus you get to know your personal banker. Yeah. Sure.

You want to have that close relationship with someone who's hands-on. Low-interest car loans, too. Get a nice low-interest car loan. Affordable melons and gourds. Sure. You want to have that close relationship with someone who's hands are done. Low-interest car loans too. Get a nice low-interest car loan. Affordable melons and gourds. Someone is using that credit union and those people are in my neighborhood and they are showing off via gourds outside their doors. Would you prefer that these people just went – because you're right. I think it seems a little half-assed to me.

It's like look at our gourds. Look how cute and close to the earth we are are you talking about the movie again or yes oh yeah i'm talking about this late night uh this late night hbo movie where instead of cunnilingus a man just licks a woman's belly button wonderful um i'm talking about your neighbors with the gourds yes would you prefer you prefer they just went full Halloween year round? Like is that more of a we're embracing our thing, we're going whole hog? What you might call a Dana Gould lifestyle. Sure, yeah. Just like stretchy cobwebs all the time. Yeah.

Maybe. Scary sound effects tape playing year round. Are your neighbors spooky at all? I don't think they're spooky. Like I said, I think that they're folksy. They probably shop at Trader Joe's. How ooky are they? They're not mysterious.

They're not spooky, creepy, or ooky. Are we missing anything? Now, how did this family get started? Was it when Uncle Fester farted? Now, when I come to see them. Yeah, what happens when you go to see them? They really are a scream. I think there's only one answer to this question.

It's the Trader Joe's industrial complex. What happens is you get used to buying whatever is on display at Trader Joe's because you got those South African potato chips one time and it was such a home run. Yeah. That you trust Trader Joe's implicitly. And then for three months out of the year, half of Trader Joe's is taken up by decorative gourds. Right. That's it. So you just buy a bunch of decorative gourds and then you're stuck with them.

And then you're like, but you know what? I might cook these someday. They're edible. I think that's the other thing. You never will cook them. I think the other thing is it's for people who shop at Whole Foods instead of Trader Joe's. Those people are buying theoretically edible gourds. Right.

And no one eats gourds. No, I agree. They're gross. I roasted a little pumpkin the other day. It was pretty good. No. Yeah? The other day?

The other day. This is a recent pumpkin roast. I'm starting to worry about you now. Don't lie to me, Sam Shepard. It's springtime. They're pretty tasty. Nice texture. Pumpkins are gross.

Can we go back to the South African potato chips for a second? Yeah, sure. Those are very good. I just want to know if it was like, because you know how they do when they go outside of the country, they have like a quirky little name of, you know, it's like Trader Jose or whatever. So I'm just wondering what the South African one is.

But like joyfully giddily racist. Like friendly racist. Like what that would be for South Africa. They just want to make sure they're on the right side of this thing. Trader Dave Matthews? Sure. Sure. Can I go back to the thing. Trader Dave Matthews? Sure. Sure.

Yeah, there you go. Can I go back to the topic? Trader Blood Diamonds. Yeah. Trader Chappies. Chappie South African, isn't he? Yeah, I think Chappie is. Very cute.

Chappie. Can I go back to the topic of monsters? Okay. Were we on the topic of monsters? We were. Well, I mean, ookie families. Oh, sure, sure. We were talking the other day about- Janet, you've only been on the topic of monsters? we were, well I mean ookie families oh sure sure we were talking the other day about Janet you've only been on the show a few times

Jordan always thinks we're talking about monsters can we return to the topic of monsters? I think they're scary it's a long continuing can we get back to? we were talking the other day about ALF and the alien sitcoms that come around every couple of years it seems that the monster sitcom has not come back in a couple of years.

It's been a long... What was the last monster sitcom? There was a remake of the monsters. Was there? Was there? There was. It was a quickly failed remake of the monsters. It was not that long ago.

I'm going to say seven years ago. Okay. Now, am I saying that there shouldn't be a new Sasquatch or Yeti? Oh, yeah. Harry and the Hendersons. Was that a show in addition to being Sasquatch or Yeti? Oh, yeah. Harry and the Hendersons. Was that a show in addition to being movies? It was. It was both, yeah.

Was the show good? Am I saying there shouldn't be? Janet, the show was great. It was the wire of its day. I said there were monsters in it, Janet. Therefore, it was a good show. It was a good show because it could amongst the Cubans. I'd like to see a Yeti show.

I've never seen a Yeti show. But that takes place in the Himalayas. No, I think the Yeti, maybe he's a Uyghur or practices Falun Gong. Mm-hmm. And he had to get out of China.

Yeah. Sure, political. Yeah, it's a political thing. It's a political Yeti. Free Tibet. And he has to live with some cool 20-somethings in a loft.

I think he lives with the surviving Beastie Boys. Okay, sure. This is coming together very quickly. Just hanging out. Honoring the memory of their dead friend. Well, I say the best way to honor the memory of your dead friend is to

hang out with a Yeti. Replace it in your group with a superhuman creature. I don't know if they're going to figure that out on their own. You may need to do some reaching out. Yeah. hang out with a Yeti. Replace him in your group with a superhuman creature. Does he rap? I don't know if they're going to figure that out on their own. You may need to do some reaching out. Yeah. I'll write him a note. Dear boys, sorry for your loss.

I have some suggestions. Thing two. No, you're right. There aren't that many. But have there also been, has there been an Alien one recently either? I guess – oh, no. I mean I think there's still an Alien show on ABC, The Neighbors. Is that on?

Oh, is that still on? I think that is still on because our buddy Ian is on it from time to time. Ian Waltersdorf? Yeah. It's possible that I don't know what The Neighbors is. It's Aliens go to live in a suburban town and it comes on after the Tim Allen show. You know what I think? That says a lot.

I think there's a lot going on behind those white picket fences. Yeah. It's not all lemonades and hammocks. Yeah. Something darker. But in fairness, there's a lot of lemonades and hammocks. Yeah. But foreboding hammocks.

And sweet tart candy. Poisonous lemonade. And speaking of our buddy Ian and Monsters, we were talking today. I had lunch with him earlier today. We were talking about the concept of the shared universe in movies. You know, Marvel did it so well with the Avengers. Oh, sure. Okay. They're trying to DC one.

they're trying to you know they're trying to dc one uh i guess they're also trying to to do a shared universe with the uh like those classic monsters those classic universal monsters dracula wolfman frankenstein so if they do that is the movie that they build to you know so you have the dracula movie you have the wolfman. Is the movie they're building too the Monster Mash? Is that their Avengers? Is that the end game of that shared universe? Please let it be. Oh my God. I was picturing the monsters versus Muhammad Ali.

Oh, that would be good. Yeah. But yeah, like at the end of the Creature from the Black Lagoon, post credits, Dracula shows up. I'm planning a mash. Yeah. And if all goes well, we'll all walk away with our own cereal. If all goes well. I'm looking at you, Boo Berry.

Yeah. Yeah. Will the mummy be a part of that? Oh, he's got to be. The mummy has had the most recent success with the mummy. Got it. I think he's currently the one who's had the most success. He's the reigning classic monster.

Can I tell you the- You don't think Dracula is the reigning classic monster? When's the last successful Dracula thing? There's a Dracula show on, isn't there? I'm not saying it's successful, but isn't there a Dracula on now? Oh, there might be a Dracula show. It might even be called Young Dracula. I'm not sure. I know vampires are successful, but isn't there a Dracula on now? Oh, there might be a Dracula show. It might even be called Young Dracula. I know vampires are popular, but we're

talking about Dracula here. This is a specific vampire. Can I interject something? Yeah. It's a headline that I thought of for the Hollywood Reporter when the Monster Mash movie comes out. Please. Monster Mash, colon, box office smash. That's So stupid.

That was great. We need to make this happen. I was working on the screenplay late one night. And then interspersed with some hot rap star. Hip hop. Jesse, you can bring that in. Yeah. There has to be somebody who's like.

A rapping yeti? Yeah. Sure. I mean, we're already training this rapping yeti to live with the Beastie Boys. There has to be someone rapping's like... A rapping Yeti? Yeah. Sure. I mean, we're already training this rapping Yeti to live with the Beastie Boys. There definitely has to be someone rapping.

Oh, you're right. Drake's in prosthetics. Drake could play... Well, Drake could be a good... I would go see a movie called Dracula. Yeah. Drake has some...

He's very sensitive. He is, and he's already... He's a skilled professional actor. Mm-hmm. He's pretty as hell. Oh, yeah. Dracula.

He doesn't have a hard time getting those ladies over to come over for a little... Little necky bite. Little suck and fuck. Yeah. Those were two different things. Necky bite. Would you like a necky bite?

Yeah, that's what British people say when a vampire bites them. Sure. Have you guys seen that movie that Jermaine's in? Oh, I haven't. I hear it's great, though. Yeah, people keep telling me it's great. Jermaine Clement that movie that Jermaine's in? Oh, I haven't. I hear it's great, though. People keep telling me it's great. Jermaine Clement from television. From film and television. What We Do in the Shadows

is what it's called. I'm excited to see it. Yeah, I would also like to see it. It's delightful. I do, too. Jermaine Clement, recently a guest on International Waters, one of our sister shows here at MaximumFun.org. There you go. And also an upcoming guest on Bullseye. See?

See what I did for you there? Yeah. I'm like a mini publicist right in here. And, of course, Drake will be appearing right here on Jordan Jesse Go next week, along with the rest of the cast of Degrassi Jr. High. Interesting. Yeah. It's going to get crowded, guys.

Then next week, Ben Affleck and the gang from The Voyage of the Mimi. We're going to take famous people and talk about their least interesting thing. I mean, that is tempting. Let's be honest. I'd like to talk to Drake about Degrassi Junior High. That's a funny idea. Like get somebody in here for what they think is going to be a prestige interview and just interview them about their dumbest nostalgia thing. And I think Drake was only on Degrassi senior high.

Oh, I don't know. I'm yeah. We're we're we're we've reached the zenith of my Degrassi. Well, it's a shared universe. Yeah. Sure. So we'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Designa. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la host of Rendered. It's a show about making meaning and breaking rules. We're answering

important questions like, can you build a spacesuit in your living room? I went to my brother's place in Beaverton and he has a swimming pool and I pressurized the suit and sat down there underwater for about 10 minutes. The thing that I built was supporting my life. That felt really good. What does it sound like when you play a polka record through a styrofoam cup? does it sound like when you play a polka record through a styrofoam cup? And what happens when an airport carpet gains a cult following? Oh my goodness, the carpet has an Instagram. Check out Rendered now at MaximumFun.org or wherever you like to listen to podcasts. It's Jordan, Jesse, go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, dumb cumpster. Oh, boy. Janet Varney, the Monster Mash. I mean. I am the song, the Monster Mash. It's very meta. You're like the personification of the song.

Yes. Here's what happened. There was a cursed mummy. and the soul of the mummy was transported into a music box. The music box was an ancient tune that has since been converted. It might sound a little bit familiar to you if I remembered how the Monster Mash goes, other than just using this voice. I was working at the lab. So that's what happened.

So that pretty much explains it. Jada, thank you for putting so much thought into your nickname because that checks out. Monster Mash Varney. That makes a whole heap of sense. Thank you. You're welcome. I'm actually the narrator of the song.

Oh, sure. Let you. You're welcome. I'm actually the narrator of the song, The Monster Mash. Let's reboot The Monster Mash. Yeah? What style? Dubstep? I mean, it's probably got to be dubstep. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Let's make an LP with 12 different styles of this song. I love it.

You will never get tired of this song. You will never get tired of this song. You will never get tired of this song. Hey, man. It's the monster bash. Do not put that on first. No one will get past that one. Hey, man. It's the monster bash. That's not even a lyric to the song. It's

interpretations of the song. Oh, sure. Yeah. Inspired by. I'm not a slave to the song. It's interpretations of the song. Oh, sure. Yeah, inspired by. I'm not a slave to the original. No. Like, if I start feeling the vibe, I follow it. Stretch out your wings.

Sort of like how Nickelback made that disco record. Sure. Oh, I saw people talking about that. What is that? It's real.

So they made a disco album. I don't know if it's a whole album. It's definitely a single and it's definitely a disco record. Yay. I don't know. There's a part where. It's definitely a single, and it's definitely a disco record. Yay. I don't know.

There's a part where he sings Coca-Cola Roller Coaster. Huh. Yeah. It's a gang from Nickelback. Sure. All your favorites. With a hi-hat on the one, two, three, and four. Interesting.

Yeah. God, what? Maybe they've just said, fuck it. They're a punchline to the right-thinking world. They can always tour to county fairs and play before an audience of goobers. Maybe they're just like, well, we'll never get our credibility back with the smarts. Right. The dumbs will always come. Right.

Let's just do whatever. The cums will always dumb. Yeah. Hey, okay, Nickelback, are you listening? You can have my idea for dumb cumster for free. I will not ask for royalties, but when you play the Orange County Fair, you have to let me come up on stage and sing it. Great.

Here's what's amazing. That's my deal. I'll explain what's going on. Chad Kroger. Get at Chad Kroger on Twitter. Tell him. I'm mobilizing our legion of fans. Get at him.

Get at Chad Kroger on Twitter. Get at his ex-wife, Avril Lavigne. Tell them to write the song Dumb Cumpster. It's going to be a hit. No one needs to watch this video, but I will say the most significant part of the video from my perspective, the thing that I didn't expect. And I made it through over half of this video. Can you say what's happening in the video? What's the theme of it?

So the theme of it is a mean dad yelling at Macaulay Culkin. Yeah, exactly. I mean, that was a great video. That was a very good video. Chad Kroger's face morphing into racist biracial people. Oh, it's a think piece. It's a think piece. Yeah.

I see. I see. I saw it. You didn't see it. It premiered right before In Living Color. Oh, yeah. I, um, okay. So this is the premise of the band Nickelback is playing a disco show.

Which had a disc, like a roller rink? Sure. In a discotheque. Okay. Sure. is playing a disco show. What's that? Like a roller rink? Sure. In a discotheque. Okay. Sure. The discotheque is a secret underground club. Sure it is.

The various members of the band Nickelback were very good looking. Sure. I didn't know that. I wouldn't know. Yeah, no, I wouldn't know. I didn't know what they looked like. I figured they looked like the guy from Creed.

Just say like a weird hockey player type. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like say, like, a weird hockey player type. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like a sort of a Yanni hockey player hybrid. Sure. And, no, they're very handsome dudes, sort of like... I mean, you don't get to smash genitals with Avril Lavigne unless you're... I don't know. Yeah, I don't know.

Now you're right. She'll fuck anything. Well, you know, maybe they just have a lot of je ne sais quoi. Sure. Oui. You know what I mean sais quoi. Sure. Oui. You know what I mean? Oui. Oui.

Okay, so they're at the secret underground club discotheque performance being handsome. They're being handsome. They're playing the hot cat on one, two, three, and four. How do you know that it's a secret underground club? Do they show like exteriors of people not being able to get in? It's like Thriller. There's like a five-minute mini movie. Oh, yeah.

John Landis directed this movie. A mini movie with a lot of dialogue. Janet, you joke. Uh-oh. Oh, no. Really? You laugh and joke. And yet.

I do it to survive. Truths like this. So in the middle, it's the band on stage performing, and then a writhing mass of fans, but clearly due to budget constraints, there's only like 12 of them. There's like maybe top 16 people in this video. And they're all dancing and they're trying to look like they're like a writhing mass. Sure.

But there's simply not enough of them. They're like two and a half people deep i've probably mentioned this on the show before because it's one of the funniest things but in that in that genre of music uh you're right i think these bands at one point can make big budget crazy videos but now are you know very limited uh the most recent video that I've seen from Sugar Ray is a cut-together montage of their recent performances. One of them is in a stereo store. Like, you know those showrooms where they have you sit down and you can hear all the latest – and the guy talks about the woofers?

They are in one of those. They're mostly using the tweeters. Sure. So that's what mostly using the tweeters. Sure. So that's what's going on in here. But the lead into it is these two women who I'm presuming are models. But look, I don't think in most contexts it's appropriate to publicly rate the attractiveness of a woman. It's rude. Sure.

A little bit sexist. However, I think in this particular context, it's necessary for me to say that while these women are clearly intended to be like the hottest chicks you've ever seen, they're like seven and a half. All right. You know what? Let me make this a little bit easier. Let me make this a little bit easier and put it in terms we can all understand. There are five wild melons. One wild melon, two, three, four, five.

How many wild melons would you give them? I'm giving them three and a half to four wild melons. Like it's not that they're unattractive women. They're just not notably attractive. Okay. All right. All right. And they are presented as hot chicks.

The sugar, yeah. That's like they're presented as like va-va-va-voom. Everyone shade tips when they come into the room. Yes, Huey Lewis style. Yeah. They're reasonably good looking. Right. Reasonably good looking. Right. Reasonably good looking.

Right. They are walking down a quiet abandoned street and one of them like turns to the other one and says like. This is all before the song starts, right? This is all. Oh, yeah. This is the thriller. It's like a sketch. The pre-movie.

This is the part that's directed by the guy. One can only presume that it's directed by the guy who directed Torque and also Power Slash Rangers. Perfect. Power Slash Rangers. Nudity included. Speculative Power Rangers short film. Recently on the internet. So they're walking down the sort of quiet abandoned street and one of them turns to

the other one. And here's the reason that you can tell they're supposed to be hot. They're horrible at acting. Sure. That tracks. That tracks. It's just like some people they met. I don't know how they could have – like there's a casting office in this building and there's

just this cavalcade of beautiful women that goes in and out and they're all auditioning for acting parts so presumably they have acting training it's not they're not just models these women acted like models but yeah it's just the budgetary constraints on this video are so astonishing i feel like i see you know if you you follow a band on Facebook and they're making a video, I feel like they always say like, hey, fans, want to be in the video? Sure, sure. So I bet music video, you know, whereas when we were growing up, music video vixen was a thing you shot for. You know, that was a kind of celebrity.

Sure. But I bet now. Alicia Silverstone. There you go. Yes, exactly. Courtney Cox. Mm-hmm. There you go. Yes, exactly. Courtney Cox. These are all famous vixens. But I bet now that music videos have to cost $3.

There's more. Hey, fans, come down. So I bet they just did Hey, Fans, Come Down and picked the two most attractive women to be the babes. That seems right. That's good sleuthing. They say – You could become a music video detective. Very limited.

So yeah, the search for vixens. Specialized, I should say, is a more respectful way of putting it. Walk, and then one pulls out the invitation

and she says, I think we're going the right way. It says, walk ten buildings down the street, then knock on the door, and then together

they go with the gold star and they see the one door with the gold star they knock on the door a fucking Lenny Kravitz looking dude

opens it and goes come on in and they close the door and the disco is on that sounds amazing Nickelback That sounds amazing.

Nickelback. Chug a beer. Yeah. It's quite the extravaganza. Now, we are talking about bands that are horrible, and we are in a booth that feels confessional. Sure. So I need to confess that I— This is a safe space, Janet. A safe, hot space.

I really don't know very much about the insane clown posse. Like I don't ironically know anything about them really. I just don't really know anything. Like I didn't – someone had to be like, but the whole juggalo thing. You know what that is. I was like I don't really. They're heroes of the dispossessed. I don't.

Yeah. How did that happen? It just slipped past me. I mean it's one of those things that where, you know, I think you can, you know, like when the gathering of the Juggalos commercial was going around and that was the viral video and then SNL did those parodies. I think you can just laugh at the fact that there are clown rappers. Yeah. Yes. And that's just, oh, ha ha, these guys are clown rappers.

Isn't that crazy? But yeah, I think if you wanted to go deep, I read Nathan Raven's book about Juggalos. Yeah, I read that as well. I think that's a good sensitive portrayal of the Juggalo community. Yeah, me too. Or you could chat with someone who's been to the Gathering of the Juggalos. A lot of comics we know have been to the Gathering of the Juggalos. Brian Posehn, I think, has played the Gathering of the Juggalos.

That sounds right. Hannibal Buress has played the Gathering of the Juggalos. That sounds right. Hannibal Buress has played the Gathering of the Juggalos. I mean, I'm responsible for the famous At Midnight game, Juggle OK Cupid, where you fill in the blanks for OK Cupid's Juggalo profile. So, I mean, I've had some experience too. You have, yeah. I don't know. I just somehow – I was like, yeah, insane clown posse. That's crazy and stupid.

But then someone was like, no, but they're like a cult. Yeah, yeah. With followers. What you should do, if I can recommend, when I was preparing to talk to Nathan Raven about his book about Juggalo, it's also about fish to be fair. I also took – I took some time to watch an Insane Clown Posse music video that I really recommend if you want to get a flavor for the band. Okay, okay. It's not the one

where they say magnets, how do they work. Sure. Right. Which honestly, I think is kind of a, I kind of think that's sort of a sweet song.

Me too, yeah. I think it, It's a song about how magnets work. Right. The narrator starts out not knowing how magnets work. Sure.

And by the end, he's like, oh yeah. That's how magnets work. The North Pole. You know what? I don't know how fucking magnets work. I guess I don't, yeah he's like, oh yeah. That's how magnets work. The North Pole. You know what? I don't know how fucking magnets work. I guess I don't,

yeah, I don't really either. I don't either. I know that they work, but I don't know what, and I know it involves electrons. And hey. Something.

Yeah. Polarity. Yeah. But also, giraffes are amazing. They got that right too. Yeah. That's in the song.

Oh man. Giraffes are fucking rad. Rainbows. Yeah. Nice guys. This is sounding really good that's not what i recommend you watch okay that's what you watch if you want to be conversant and making fun of juggalo culture whatever okay if you want to get a real flavor for what's going on watch this video

for the song called juggalo island okay it's about a it's about a sort of imagined paradise where only juggalos are allowed. And it really gives you a sense of what are the shared values of juggalos? What would they like to celebrate? It's like hanging out, partying, being chill, bitches not talking. It's a very interesting combination. It's like the worst Warren G song you've ever heard. Okay. All right, that says a lot.

It's like a horrible Warren G song. Yeah. It has that same genio vibe, the same sort of oddly sprinkled in casual misogyny, but with worse rapping than Warren G Warren G is not a great rapper okay so that's my

recommendation okay alright I gotta check this out ASAP is there anything else you'd like explained that I need to confess yes

that's the most recent kind of big one that I thought how did that come up when you're like I don't know enough about Juggalos I'll be honest with you

please I'm going through a fit of cover band things like jokes with a friend of mine. I can't stop doing it in text form. Okay. I'm doing it kind of with a couple of people, but it came up at the Woodstock show. Paul and Storm were doing it. And it sort of started there.

And now it's gone so far downhill. I can't. You're telling me that our friends Paul and Storm were enjoying some pun-based humor. I'm afraid they were. It seems unlikely. Jesse? I'm afraid they were. I can't. Are you telling me that our friends Paul and Storm were enjoying some pun-based humor? I'm afraid they were. It seems unlikely. Jesse? I'm afraid they were. Yeah, yeah.

So now if someone just, like, but specifically this friend of mine, there's a lot of like, it won't be, it won't be, the game won't be afoot for a while,

but then someone will say, like, you know, I mean, I'm just trying to think of something, but like, you know, he was, oh no, she was totally spoiled rotten

and he'd be like, spoiled rotten, Sex Pistols cover band. Oh cover band oh okay sure and then you just like pepper it in with stuff like that but it's like a fun text yeah the the one that i was giggling uh at myself over so i'll go ahead and give myself credit for this i'll uh you and your uh juggalo k cupid shout out is we were talking about some other celebrity sighting and he said he seemed not in very good shape. And I said Elvis Presley cover band. Just those moments where you're like. Yeah, that's good.

Just you get giddy over it. I like spoiled rotten. And so he said ISC cover band when I said something and I had to look it up. I was like, I don't know who ISC is. So I Googled it and then I was like – ICP. Or ICP. Thank you.

Thank you. What's ISC? I don't know. Something else. Someone mispronouncing the independent film. Something else. ISC. Always on.

Slightly soft. Got it. Got it. Got it. That is what it is. That is what it is. Morrissey. Morrissey cover band.

Always on. Slightly soft. Yeah, there you go. So that's what happens. The Sogs of Morrissey is performed by Drake. That is what it is. Morrissey cover band. Oh, it's on Slightly Soft. Yeah, there you go. So that's what happens. The Sogs of Morrissey is performed by Drake. It's not on purpose. It becomes this button that you can't not push. But anyway.

We'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Is it? Oh, is that how they say it on The Legend of Korra? That's right. Got a lot of stuff on Legend of Korra is actually about Insane Clown Posse. It's weird to think now that I didn't know much about them. It's a shared universe. It is a shared universe. Someone's on the Legend of Korra wiki. That's confirmed on Where Does He Go?

Oh, no. I ruined everything. You're going to have some questions to answer at Korakon, Janet. I probably will. There's no such thing as Korakon, side note. I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as Korakon. We'll get there. We'll get there, everybody. One at a time.

Janet, I'm starting Korakon. One insane clown at a time. You have to come. I'll give you 20 bucks. Until we have a posse. I'm in. Okay. I'm in.

Done. Jordan and I will be at Korakon. Just talking about Korra issues. Uh-huh. Yeah. What represents- Whatist reading of Korra? That's a good point. Yeah.

There probably is one, actually, because it's a fairly dense show in terms of themes. Yeah, you can get a lot of – you can look at it through a lot of lenses. It's a very mature show, guys. I looked at it through a kaleidoscope and it eventually gave me a headache. Yeah. I looked at it through a kaleidoscope and it eventually gave me a headache. Yeah. I know. We should just look at it through the lens of a reading or the lens of your mind or imagination. You don't have to look at it through an actual lens.

I just watch it on TV. What lens do you watch it through? I mean, I just watch it on TV. You know what lens I was watching it through? One of those things that makes your Game Boy screen look bigger. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. Put a little light on it so you can play in bed.

Yeah, so you can play in bed. No, I was watching it just on TV. I was not looking at it through a lens, but I was giving it a reading. I was looking at it through the intellectual lens of being a BDSM enthusiast. Okay. And there's a lot of themes in there. Sure. Do you want to lead some sessions at Koracon?

Yeah, sure. Please do. Yeah, Koracon after dark. I'm sure that would be very popular, to be honest with you. Yeah. That's what cons are for. That's right. That's right.

Everything's after dark. We know what people are doing at these things. I would really like to play the Korra video game. The Korra video game is made by some very prestigious video game makers. It's a beautiful video game. Yeah, it looks really cool. Who's that? The people who made SimAnt?

Yeah, the team behind SimAnt. Korra has a lot of farming in it. Gotcha. Hey, guess what, Jordan? Next week on this program, you know what week it is? BDSM week. No. Sweep, sweep, sweep.

Yeah. Yeah. It's sweep, sweep. It's our sweep, sweep. Max Fun Drive. Oh, there you go. Hashtag Max Fun Drive. So we're going to have, for sweeps, we're going to have a wedding.

Yeah. A pregnancy. A chimney sweep. A chimney sweep. We're very literal. Burt Reynolds is going to play my dad. Burt Reynolds is going to play your dad. And yeah, I'm just going to have a wedding, a pregnancy. A chimney sweep. A chimney sweep. We're very literal. Burt Rillins is going to play your dad. And yeah, I'm just going to get my balls stepped on. Still want to bring in this BDSM theme, please.

We're supposed to be talking about doing things that we wouldn't do on a normal episode. Oh, okay. So we'll wait until after the pledge drive is over and then. No, I mean, we'll step on your balls, but I'm just saying it's not worth highlighting. Oh, okay. Sure. I mean, name one episode of the show where we didn'll step on your balls, but I'm just saying it's not worth highlighting. Oh, okay, sure. I mean, name one episode of the show where we didn't step on your balls. You know, that's a great point. And thank you, by the way.

I really appreciate it. Oh, that's a good idea, though. It's my deal. For Sweeps Week, another show could be highlight clip reel of all the best times your balls got stepped on. People love a good recap reel. Best ball-crushing bloopers. Is it a blooper if I ask for it to be done?

It's a blooper if something goes horribly wrong. Oh, sure. That has happened a few times. Thank God Brian was a field medic in the Army. I guess I didn't know that. He has made some remarkable testicular repairs. This is really good news because I feel like I could bloop't know that. He has made some remarkable testicular repairs. This is really good news because I feel I could bloop at any moment.

Now, listen. That is something I'm trying to bring into our vernacular because we all know what a blooper is. But I feel that that feels like – The verb to bloop? Yeah. I need to say, like, if I mess up a line on camera, I need to be like, I blooped, you guys. I'm sorry. Save it for the reel, though.

Sorry to bloop. Yeah. Right? At the Legend of Korra wrap party, there was quite a reel of Janet Varney in the studio holding her headphones onto her ears like this and then going, oh, sorry, guys. I blooped. Yeah. It's really charming. That's fun.

Okay. Max Fun Drive, March 16th. It begins. This is when we ask you to support our show and all of the shows in MaximumFun.org, or at least all of the shows in MaximumFun.org that you listen to. This is how we make our living from this show. We don't make our living from advertisements or selling the show or live shows or whatever. We make it through people who like the show and think it's worth paying for. So we hope that if you like this show, you'll support this show. Yeah.

That's why we're able to do it. Totally. If you don't support it, we don't do it. And my children will die. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, that's the stakes here. That's the stakes. This is my profession. If you don't pay for this show, my children will die.

They're beautiful children. Sure. Try not to post pictures of them publicly on Facebook. Yeah. I don't want them to die. To become abduct children. Sure. Try not to post pictures of them publicly on Facebook. Yeah. Well, I don't want them to die. To become abducted. Yeah. I don't want to tempt fate, Jordan. Yeah.

I mean, get some money so Jesse can get his own sweet tarts. So he's not having to fence them. That's where the money should go. From helpless children. What a shame. Get this man his own tarts. I palm them. I palm them. I palm them.

Well, Jordan, we already talked about what's going on in my life. What's happening with you? Well, I have been thinking a lot. I mean, the first thing I've been thinking a lot about is the shared monster universe that will culminate in the Monster Mash movie. Right. So that's number one. Check. Yeah.

We've gotten past that. Also, it's okay if you have nothing else going on because that is a big endeavor. Yeah, I just have to kind of lay flat on the floor and just think about that. I don't know if you've ever been to Jordan's apartment, Janet, but he has an entire wall that's just corkboard. It's just three by five cards with arrows drawn between them with different monsters. And how they can eventually meet up. Is there a string? Are there cool strings?

Yeah, exactly. Like crazy serial killer chaser? Yeah. So there's a – Okay. Okay, I don't want to get into this, but I should because I don't want you guys to get this wrong. I really need you to. There's a red string that will go if the monsters meet in person.

Great. There's a white string between monsters that have some sort of familial connection. I see. I see. And there's a yellow string that will go between monsters who do it. Okay. The big problem that Jordan's been having is that lately Dracula's been using burners. It's hard to get up on the wire.

Yeah. That is rough. Very hard to get a hold of Dracula. So knowing what I know about you, I imagine mostly Yellow String. Oh, yeah. No, this is, yeah. Oh, this is going to be a hard R. Okay.

This Monster Match is going to be a hard R. I got it. Yeah. Great. A Fifty Shades of Grey style movie for grownups. Great. It's a movie for grownups. Exactly.

We've earned it. We've earned it. Enough of these comic book heroes out there for kids. Let's get a movie for grown-ups. Like American Sniper and Fifty Shades of Grey. Grown-up movies. Smart movies.

We've earned it. Anyway, the other thing I've been thinking about. I don't think I understand Purim. Okay. So we're in the throes of Purim. The throes. As we record this.

Right. Purim is Jewish Halloween, right? So it's a day. Okay. And it has something to do with. I was raised Episcopalian, so I feel like I'm underqualified to answer this. I'm wildly underqualified. It is a Jewish holiday that has something to do with Ruth, Esther, one of these.

Esther. Thank you, Brian. One of these Old Testament ladies. Okay. I don't know the specifics. I'm sure it's very solemn and dignified and has a lot of meaning. Right. A lot of symbolism, as jewish religion tends to have

sure but what how religions in general i think that's fair um but but but something that how it affects me is that when i am walking through a like hasidic neighborhood uh all of the kids are dressed up and it's fucking awesome it's really cute it's really cute and here's the thing about purim costumes, as I have noticed, is that they're not like you know, it's not like kids dressed up like, you know, Iron Man or Buzz and Woody.

They're just in these like 50s Halloween costumes, like Cowboy or Spaceman or Cat. Like it's just boilerplate Halloween. It's like they're on a TV show and they don't want to show any licensed characters.

I would like to see a holiday where people dress as characters from the Hebrew Bible. Oh sure. Like shellfish. Interesting.

And mixed fabrics. Interesting. So that's happening and that's always great. I always love walking around Somehow I've never seen that and I feel like I drive through neighborhoods Oh it's really neat yeah

If you're ever around the Fairfax area Just hang a right Oh I know where to go I just haven't been going at the right time But something that I saw during my Most recent Purim jaunt Really blew my mind So I've got all these kids looking great

Looking cute lots of fun costumes. A truck drives by, pulling a flatbed trailer, blasting dubstep, just blasting dubstep as loud as a car can blast a song. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, just blasting it. And this is three in the afternoon. On the flatbed truck are guys dressed in what I would describe as Jewish purge outfits. Like they are dressed as the Jew. Like Israeli paramilitary members? Yeah, but they have like yarmulkes on and some other like, you know, Hasidic articles of clothing.

But also their faces are painted like skeletons. Oh. And they are just fucking dancing. Like they're participating in the purge. Wow. Wow. And they are just dancing like maniacs at 3 in the afternoon on this flatbed trailer. Like a kind of chosen Slipknot?

Yeah, exactly. Yes, exactly. Yeah. Oh, no. And I slowed down because these are kind of small streets. And I slowed down and this truck passed me and one of the guys just made eye contact with me and started dancing harder. Yeah. What?

Is Purim a state of lawlessness? Like, is it a anything goes type of a situation? I don't know, Jordan. I know. I don't either. This is thrilling, though. It really is. It's really amazing.

I'm thinking about converting. Yeah. I mean, that's a great case for Judaism. Yeah. How interesting. I didn't know anything about it. And I learned nothing about it from that Christopher Guest movie that involved being home for Purim. Yeah.

Yeah. And there's – boy, I was talking to someone about it and just wildly speculating. It's so hard to find a Jew in Hollywood to ask these questions to. If only there were Jewish people in the comedy community you could ask. You know, just coming up up nothing coming up dry uh i guess there is a passage in the torah about glorifying god through dance and i think that there is a not a sect but a group of of of jewish people who do dance flash mobs in order to glorify God. And I think that's what this was.

That sounds pretty awesome. There'll be these vans that – there's YouTube videos of these vans like driving around just Tel Aviv and then they'll stop and they'll get out and guys will do like ghost ride the whip around this van and then get back in and drive away. Wow. Anyway. Yeah, that sounds pretty dope. Purim's the best.

I feel like there's a small town in middle America where people aren't allowed to dance. They could really use one of these. Some Jewish skeleton men. That's right. I like the idea. That would really turn them around. I like this idea that you've introduced of these guys ghost riding the whip. I'm now imagining like a whole observant sideshow in Oakland. Just dudes doing donuts

and glorifying to bring greater glory to the G-D. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, it was great. I've been looking for another flatbed Purim dubstep truck, but I haven't seen one. Yeah. Well, keep your eyes peeled. How long is Purim dubstep truck, but I haven't seen one. Keep your eyes peeled. How long is Purim? Jordan, I literally know nothing about Purim. I think we've pretty conclusively...

Look, do you want to ask me about some Episcopalian stuff? I know a little bit about that. What are their main dubstep celebrations? When do Episcopalians just fucking go nuts in the middle of the afternoon to dubstep? Well, I'll tell you what, man. That church that I worked in right out of college and a little bit in high school where my dad went, they did a special dance. I had to learn the special dance move.

Everybody did a special dance together. Oh. What was it like? Not the kind of thing a teenager wants to get involved in. No, no, no. Hard to look cool when you're doing a church dance. When you are doing a church dance, there is little that you could do that looks less cool than putting your hand on the shoulder of the elderly Episcopalian next to you and then

doing a dance in a spiral. You do it in a spiral. Yeah. I mean, I'll say I think that these purge dancers looked pretty cool. So I think if you want to get teens into religion, and teens are, I think, resistant to that kind of thing, you know. Do you think this is why our friend Claude Brodesser-Achner converted? Oh, it's got to be.

Got caught up in one of these- Maybe it was him. Do you maybe think he maybe met his wife, Taffy Brodesser-Achner, in one of these flash mobs. Maybe it was him. Do you maybe think he maybe met his wife, Taffy Brodesserachner, in one of these flash mobs? This flash mob seemed to be all male. I don't know if they were excluding the women for, you know, reasons. Maybe they got a cool down party afterwards. That's true. Head to the Purim chill out tent.

Yeah. Yeah. Because you're juiced from all that dancing. I'm pretty into this. Glorifying G-D. Well, you had me until now. I'm worried that women don't get to do that. Now I'm very angry.

Probably. Yeah. No, I think they should let the women do skeleton dubstep dances. Right? This is what I think. I think that there are probably either some observant Jews or some people who are close enough to the observant Jewish community that they know what's going on.

They can explain this to us like on the Maximum Fund Reddit. That would be great. Yes. I'm keen to learn more about this. Me too. If no one explains it, I'm going to call my mom's friend Ken Mackey. He converted to observant Judaism in his 50s. There you go.

40s maybe. Do you think he does dubstep dances? I have a hard time picturing Ken Mackey do dubstep dances. Before he converted, he was mostly known as an author of Macintosh how-to books. But I mean, maybe he does. If it's part of

the thing, he does it because he does all the different parts of the thing. He's a very good observer of his faith. Yeah, we've got to get into this and find out. I want to know if there's an age limit. I want to know gender specification, if it's limited. Oh, so many questions. Do you have to be one of the chosen people to do it?

Yeah. Can you just show up and treat it like it was just a regular rave? Right. Yeah. Show up in your jean coats and swing a light stick. Your half shirts. Yeah. I don't know. I don't't know um yeah and is crime legal yeah i think that's a question we have to ask

feeling is that crime isn't legal well that's a very hasty conclusion to draw i know there's like rabbinical courts and so on and so forth that sometimes divert cases away in these cloistered communities. Sure. I don't think there's a time when crime is legal, though, strictly speaking. Yeah. I mean, the purge has to be based on something, though. It's not just, you know, it wasn't just pulled out of the imagination of an amazing screenwriter. It's got to be based in fact.

It could be speculative. I mean, I don't mean to suggest that The Purge doesn't have some metaphorical kernel of truth with a capital T. Sure. I'm just saying that it might not be a literal recreation of what goes on during Purim. Yeah. It seems unlikely

to me. Okay. Well. It seems unlikely. I'll just have to watch it a couple more times. Again, I'm an expert. Ask me a question about Episcopalianism. What day of the year is crime legal for the Episcopalians? See, now that's the thing. There isn't.

Oh, you know what? Three Kings Day. There you go. Bada bing, bada boom. You did it. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. The Muppet Show, World War II,

the song I Knew You Were Waiting For Me by Aretha Franklin and George Michael. So many great things have come from the collaboration between the U.S. and the U.K. But never let us forget that at the heart of it all, our two nations are deadly rivals. Join me, Dave Holmes, for International Waters, a transatlantic panel game that pits comedians in London and comedians in Los Angeles against each other.

It's like the Revolutionary War, but with, like, way more jokes about One Direction and cinema. Find it in iTunes or at MaximumFun.org. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Best friends, you guys. Now, what does she get up to in The Purge? Is she, like, murder or... You know what is the craziest thing? Is that I don't think that's ever come up. Really?

You said your best friends, though. I don't think I've ever asked her what she does. I know. Oh, my God. I feel really weird about this. You think you know someone. So, yesterday...

Yesterday, I ran into the two of you guys across the street here having lunch at Antojitos BB, a restaurant. Yes. And you were enjoying – if I'm remembering correctly, you were having some baleadas. I was. Now, I thought I heard you guys talking about the purge and what you do when the purge is going on.

That's different. That was just eating issues. Totally different. Oh, sure. So you were different. That was just eating issues. Oh. Totally different. Oh, sure. So you were binging at the time. Yes. Yes. That's the only reason I go there.

Talking about how to stay slim for show business. That's correct. Sure. Okay. You got to binge. Yes. Yes. Especially if you get those ones with the Honduran-style chorizo.

Forget it. Forget about it. Sure. Yeah. Problem solved. We figured it out. When something momentous happens to you, like Connie Chung murders you during the purge, we ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN for our segment, Momentous Occasions.

Are you just laughing because your brother got murdered during the purge by Connie Chung? It's like it's funny because it's true. The little, yeah, truth in comedy, guys. The great Del Close taught us anything. We got two calls this week. Oh, Jordan, did you see this license plate that Brian sent us? No, uh-uh. Someone sent in a license plate, a photograph of a license plate.

We were talking about this license plate, these two license plates we saw last week. One of them said French toast. Wow. And the other one said charade. God, those are both great. Yeah, charade is particularly emotionally intense. Yeah. I think. So this one says

I'm itchy. Really? Yeah. God, that's just so specific. That's terrific. I'm itchy. Really? Yeah. God, that's just so specific. That's terrific. I'm itchy. And I need everyone to know in car form. Was he wearing a wool sweater with no T-shirt on underneath? Yeah, probably so.

That'll do it. Just regular, not even virgin wool. Yeah. Yeah, that's the worst. Oof, yuck. Might as well strap yourself into a bunch of Brillo pads. Am I right, guys? Oh, boy.

It's abrasive. If whoever was driving the I Am Itchy car is married to someone whose car says, I'm scratchy. Oh, that's a good point. Wait, did they get married? Oh, yeah, Itchy and Scratchy are married. Hold up, hold up, hold up. Good to know. Good to know.

Oh, yeah, if you watch Itchy and Scratchy cartoons. Through your know. Good to know. Oh, yeah. If you watch itchy and scratchy cartoons. Through your lens. Through my lens. Your BDSM lens. My lens of BDSM. They're clearly married. They're clearly married. Got it.

And the whole thing is an elaborate sex act. Got it. Let's take our first call. Hello, Jordan, Jesse, and esteemed guests. This is Josh in Chicago. I was walking down a completely abandoned street under construction and listening to a podcast about being kidnapped and the business of kidnapping. So I was super on edge. And a bicyclist drives past me and stops right next to a backhoe and then pees on it and then just looks at me.

I walk past silently. And then as he's passing me again after finishing, he waves at me and says, have a nice night. So not exactly what I was thinking was going to be my first momentous occasion call, but it doesn't happen very often, so there you go. Bye. I like that he identified it specifically as a backhoe. Yeah.

He could have said mini excavator, excavator, backhoe loader. No. We need to be taken into the place, the time, the place, the backhoe.

We need to see it all in our minds. Yeah. Good night, good night, construction site. That's what I said. But yeah,

that was nice. That was nice of the cyclist, I think. First of all, I don't know that you say a cyclist is driving. I think you say a cyclist is riding. That was tough for me. That was emotionally tough for me to hear.

I clapped onto that. My vision clouded after he said that. Right? You know what I mean? I sort of lost track. It's tough, man. I honestly lost track of, you know that feeling when you take salvia? Oh, yeah.

You lose track of your, you become disconnected from your sense of self? Yeah. Sure. Yes. That's how I felt after he said that a cyclist was driving. I get it. You know what works? Two pages of journaling.

Oh, two pages. That's all you need. That's all you need to come right back down to earth. Got it. Yeah. So that was my issue with it. Otherwise, I like the setting of the sort of scary and you're listening to the kidnapping and I can only assume the construction site is haunted.

I mean I'm kind of imagining that very specific world from the Oscar-nominated film A Most Violent Year. Well, it's a shared universe. Oh, the story in A Most Violent Year. To the caller. Yeah. I got to figure he was listening to our friends Josh and Chuck on Stuff You Should Know, right? I was in the business of kidnapping and I and I do love them. I'm so into them right now because I didn't know anything about them.

Well, they're really nice guys. They're very charming. They should do a Juggalo episode for you. Because that is Stuff You Should Know. Oh, I just got a little thrill thinking about a customized Stuff You Should Know episode for me. I'm very starstruck. But is there an episode about the business of

kidnapping? There should be, but I don't know if I've heard one. It does. What's up with kidnapping? Would say one or the other. They would start out talking about something not related at all, and then one would say, so, kidnapping. And then the other one would laugh.

They're so great, you guys! Can we give them the prize for momentous occasion? I don't know how this works. Oh, there's a prize. Oh, great. See, now. And we like to give it to more popular podcasts.

Perfect. Perfect. If they don't have 10 listeners for every one we have, they don't get a prize. All right. I'm sure they must. Listen. Let's take our next call. Hey, Jordan.

Hey, Jesse. Hey, Goat. This is Christian from LA, and I'm just calling in with a moment's occasion. I just learned that my grandpa's favorite genre of movie is talking dog movies. Wow. Instant winner. Instant winner. Wow.

Oh, my God. That's like. Christian. Christian. Christian. Christian. Can we play it again? I was laughing too hard.

I know we do need to. Ryan, play it back. Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse. Hi, Christian. This is Christian from LA. And I'm just calling in with a moment of occasion.

I just learned that my grandpa's favorite genre of movie is talking dog movie. Just thought that that might be pretty cool for you guys. All right.

All right. Short and sweet. It's very cool. It's very cool for me. You guys. All right. Oh, short and sweet. You're right. It's very cool. It's very cool. Oh, God. It's very cool. It's very cool for me. Oh, man.

Christian whips the shit out of that guy who was moving to Denver. Oh, my Lord. Where was he moving? Aspen? Yeah. Sorry. Sorry, Boulder, Colorado guy. Man.

I don't even remember what resort city in Colorado you moved to anymore. Van from Alabama. Oh, yeah. I'm all about Christian what resort city in Colorado you moved to anymore, Van from Alabama. Oh, yeah. I'm all about Christian from L.A. now. Yeah. It's a new era. Oh, man. That's the best.

Now, when we talk about the talking dog genre. Sure. Let's lay out some parameters, Janet. Let's make sure we know how many films there are that fall into that genre. I assume 70 to 80. Yeah. I think that's enough for a genre. That's generous.

Yeah. I think it's very generous. I think it's very generous. I don't understand estimates. I like people with strong genre preferences. I do too. This is really good. You know, our friend Ben Harrison recently outlined his favorite genres were submarine movie, heist movie, and you fucked with the wrong guy movie.

Yeah. Great. Which is a perfect list. Yeah. It's a great list. A lot of overlap. But if you had Taco Bell on there. Yeah.

You fucked with the wrong submarine. I would like to know, were the old Taco Bell commercials like the gateway drug? Oh, yeah. He's like, I want to see a movie of this. Yeah, this is not enough. He'd be watching it over and over the same 30-second spot. I like this. This is kind of racist. This dog speaks to me. Literally.

This is allowed to be on TV in the late 90s, early 2000s. And I have another really important question. Please. Does look who's talking now qualify when that's really just you're hearing the thoughts of an animal well the animals communicate with each other but they're not like you're not seeing right and i think that's their lips moving yeah it's an important distinction we need to make i mean obviously this i mean we've talked about we've talked about the genre of santa movies before on this show and that movies is Jordan's favorite. And a Santa movie is defined not by a movie.

Like Bad Santa is not a Santa movie because in that world, Santa is not real. Okay, got it. There's a guy who dressed up as Santa. It's like an alternate universe where Santa isn't real. Got it. So yeah. So the movie, so Ernest Saves Christmas, Santa movie. Miracle on 34th Street, Santa movie.

Bad Santa, not a Santa movie. Can I posit something? Please. For Christian's grandpa. Babe 1 is a talking dog movie. Yes. Because Babe believes himself to be a sheep dog. Okay.

Also, there are talking dogs in it. Does the dog have to be the star of the movie? I don't think so. I think it has to be a central figure in the movie. But it is a central figure. Are you guys talking about Fly? I think I'm talking about, isn't there like a ship character? Isn't there like a stern talking dog that's trying to get Babe to get his life together?

Fly. I believe that's Fly. I don't know where Shep came from. However, I would posit that it's possible that you could argue Babe 2 is not a talking dog movie because Babe no longer believes himself to be a talking dog. Now, granted, are there ancillary characters that are talking dogs? Yeah, sure, there's Spike.

There's the dog that has wheels instead of legs chasing the butterfly and he dies and comes back. You know, there are, there's definitely talking dogs in Babe, Pig, and the City, but is it a talking dog movie? No, it's a talking pig movie, in my opinion. I hear what you're saying.

I also feel like this raises a lot of ethical and legal questions about sort of self-recognition and what kind of legal rights animals that understand themselves to be either pigs or dogs. Do they have the same legal rights as humans? Here's the thing. Like when I used to put out demographic surveys, I would have a question that said talking dog, yes or no. Right. Now, instead, I just put put a line you can just write whatever

you want in okay you know what i mean you can write in i identify as a talking dog but i was born a pig uh which would be babe one sure you can say i believe myself to be a pig i have a fluid idea of species i have i have a close relationship with all animals and I believe that what's important is we bond together in a bond of love. That would be Babe, Pig and the City. Friendship can conquer all. So like if in this case

Babe from Babe, Pig and the City at the end of, if it was Babe from Babe, Pig and the City at the end of Babe, Pig and the City, I would that person, that pig, whatever he identifies himself as, would probably just write friendship conquers all in that box that otherwise he would have to have pick am I a talking dog or not a talking dog. Right.

And I love that you've loosened up yourself and you feel like you trust the writer, the person, the census taker or whatever. As an American Studies major in college, I think it's really important to be sensitive to issues of identity. And that's why I think ultimately it is the creature's own decision whether they are a talking dog. Yeah. Which is interesting because I don't know if you guys have ever seen the movie Milo and Otis.

They're both talking dogs. What, the cat is also a dog? Yeah. Oh, okay. Oh, it is? I mean, I didn't know that. I was watching that movie, and I watch the movie a lot. No.

To this day. But did you ever ask the cat how it identifies? That's a great question. I was not. I was putting my species binary onto it. They were. It identifies as a talking dog. What about that scene where they are in a box and it goes over the waterfall? Species binary onto it. Yeah. They were. Identifies as a talking dog.

And I think. What about that scene where they are in a box and it goes over the waterfall? In that case. Was that just a metaphor for the cats? Being put in a box. Feeling put by society. But can I ask you something? Please. Please, Janet.

Did they make it? Yeah, yeah. They're fine. They're fine. Oh, my God. Sorry. Oh, what a roller coaster. Jordan, don't do that. They're fine. They're fine. Jordan. They God. Sorry. Oh, what a roller coaster. Jordan, don't do that.

They're fine. Jordan. They got a new family at the end. Don't put Janet on a Coca-Cola roller coaster. Oh. Oh. It's the last place. Sorry, I nickel-backed you there.

It's really. It's okay, I think. The last place. Oh. Christian, God bless you. You're the best. Or whatever higher power you believe in. Sure. Pour him skeleton. You're the best. Or whatever higher power you believe in. Sure.

Purim's skeleton. Air Bud. Sure. Oliver and company. Now that... That's a cat. What? Oliver is a cat.

Oliver from Oliver and Company is a cat and identifies as a cat. Sure. But the company is a dog voiced by Billy Joel. That's true, right? Okay. So Oliver and Company is my Billy Joel cover band? Yeah. Perfect.

We got there. Can we hear that call one more time? Let's just hear it one more time. Let's hear it one more time. Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse. Hey, Goat. This is Christian from L.A., and I'm just calling in with a moment of occasion.

This is Christian from LA, and I'm just calling in with a moment of occasion. I just learned that my grandpa's favorite genre of movie is talking dog movie. Just thought that that might be pretty cool for you guys. All right. It's cool for us. I want to say, too, kudos for getting through that without laughing until the end, Christian. I have a really hard time not laughing at things I think are really funny while I'm saying them. You held out to the very end, and I'm really impressed.

Nice cold. Yeah. Can I say something? Please. Christian, if you're out there listening, and you certainly are. I know this podcast means a lot to you. You live in Los Angeles. We're here in Los Angeles.

Send us an email. We'd like to have you here as our guest. We'll give you a T-shirt. Email JJGoAtMaximumFun.org with your information. And Brian, our producer, will email you back. We'll work this out so that you can stop by. I'm not saying you have to bring your grandpa or you shouldn't bring your grandpa or whatever. That's up to you, man. Yeah, I just really appreciate what you've done for the show. And honestly, I really appreciate what you've

done for me. I mean, it's been a rough few weeks for me. My son's been ill. I struggle with migraine headaches. I've had a really hard time with migraine headaches and business challenges as usual. Stealing from your children. Yeah. I mean, I've been eating a lot of my kids' candy. I've been acting out in a variety of ways. Yeah. But I just want you, Christian, to know how much your call meant to me. your call meant to me and I really feel like I'm ready to make a change in my life. And wow, yeah.

I don't know. Oh boy. I don't know what is and isn't on Netflix. But if Air Bud Golden Receiver is on Netflix... I don't think he talks at that. I think he just plays basketball.

I'm going to watch it and find out if he talks. And if he does talk, I'm really going to enjoy the movie. Because it's going to remind me of him. And I think we all know that you don't even have to enjoy the movie. Yeah. Because it's going to remind me of you. And I think we all know that you don't even have to watch the movie to put on your BDSM lens and know what golden receiver means for you. Right up the butt. Sure. Some people would say it involves a golden shower, but that's fine.

Oh, I didn't even think of that. That's fine. You do whatever you need to do. Oh, a golden shower up the butt that. That's fine. You do whatever you need to do. Oh, we'll go to the shower up the butt. Sure. Got it. Got it. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica.

Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, of course my ghost Christian thank you Christian God bless you sir that's all for this week's program yeah it's been a joy lots of fun Brian Fernandez Sonny D our producer the great Janet Varney

guys thanks for having me you know I love coming you know I love coming thanks for being here she's on twitter at twitter.com slash Janet Varney that seems right

you can enjoy her work on the final season of The Legend of Korra. And the other season. Sure. Watch those two. It'll be easier to follow the fourth season

if you watch the other things. It really will. And now granted, is it as funny as you'd hoped it might be? No. No, it's not funny at all. Pretty sincere program.

Yeah, very sincere. It's funny. It's a little funny. There's lots. You know what? There's funny stuff. I'm backing off on it. There's lots of, if you know the characters. program. Yeah, very sincere. It's funny. It's a little funny. There's lots. You know what? There's funny stuff. I'm backing off. There's lots of, if you know the characters.

Yes. Yeah. One of the characters, by the way, is Kramer from Seinfeld. It is so unexpected, but such a joy when he comes into that room. He didn't know it was a shared universe. Didn't know. When it became available. Yeah.

I mean, granted, it was offer only. Sure. But his price was relatively low. Yeah, for good reason. Yeah. Yeah. So Janet Varney, follow her. You can see her regularly performing improv around town with Theme Park Improv.

I mean, that's not really true, to be honest with you, Jesse. Periodically. We really only perform out of town at festivals. So just the opposite of everything you just said. Come see us. Just come see Theme Park Improv. You'll get to see a Janet Varney. You'll get to see a Cole Stratton.

You'll get to see, who knows, maybe see an Oscar Nunez. Yeah. Maybe you'll see a... You'll have a sighting or two. A Michael Hitchcock. A Michael Hitchcock. You know, all of these gracious, charming comedy stars come to you with theme park improv.

And of course you can listen to her podcast The JV Club where Janet talks to Connie Chung every single week. Most weeks about Purge Prep. Yep. It's a Purge Prep show. It's sort of like a Bunker Buddies for Connie Chung specifically. It is

so niche, but it really works for me. Our MaxFunDrive coming up. I hope that if you are already a donor, you will think about whether you're listening to more MaxFun shows or whether it's a bigger part of your life, whether you can

afford to support it more. If you're not already a donor, I hope you'll think about whether you can afford a few bucks a month to kick towards this show and all the shows at Maximum Fun, because we are supported by you, and we're very grateful to have your support. So, our theme music, Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of

The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. Yes, we're aware that it's in a television commercial right now. Oh, is it? Please stop tweeting at us about it. We appreciate that your motives are sincere. Especially don't tweet us that you thought we had a TV show, is it? Please stop tweeting at us about it. We appreciate that your motives are sincere. Especially don't tweet us that you thought we had a TV show

but it turned out just to be a commercial. We'd love to have a TV show. This could be the beginning just like the Taco Bell commercials for Talking Dog movies. That's true.

That is a really good point. You know what? We could be the next Talking Dog genre. Yeah. I see it. Is Love You by the Free Design courtesy of the Free Design and Lighting the Antic Records. We're very grateful to them for having it.

Some discussion about that song on Reddit this week. Yes, it is an actual song. Yes, it is an old song, not a fake old song. Yes, The Free Design are legitimately wonderful. The Kites Are Fun is one of my favorite songs of all time. Exactly. The lovely Greatest Hits album from which our theme music is drawn. And One by One.

That's the other one. Where it's like, the trumpet comes in. That's the best. They make beautiful, beautiful music for beautiful, beautiful people. Like the desert flower herself. Keep going. Janet Var herself. Keep going. Janet Varney. Keep going.

Who has once had a callback for a Wendy's commercial. You finally got to it. I'm very proud of that callback. Skateboarding something. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan and Jessica. Bye. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture.

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