Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 368: Upgrade to Blast with Alison Rosen

Episode Date: March 16, 2015

Alison Rosen joins Jordan and Jesse for an extra long pledge drive episode!  They discuss Alison's podcast in the news, medical marijuana options, and Jordan's reaction to changing dish soaps.  Plus Christian joins everyone for momentous occasions! It's MaxFunDrive 2015!  Go to MaximumFun.org/donate to get in on it!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Feeling hot, hot, hot. Yes, folks, it's hot in Los Angeles. That's your Los Angeles weather report, courtesy of me and Buster Poindexter. It was nice of him to come in and just do that and then leave as I was saying this. What's the New York Dolls guy who also does Buster Poindexter?

What's that guy called? Oh, yeah. I know that that's a guy, but I don't know his name off the top of my head. do you think he spends playing high credibility like international nightclubs as a member of the new york dolls or as the guy from the new york dolls and what proportion do you think he spends at like the pfizer annual meeting just coming in as buster poindexter so i guess i don't know a lot about either of those things. I mean, I guess I know that, you know, the New York Dolls are a beloved, you know, proto-punk band. Proto-punk band.

But I guess I just know Buster Poindexter is having the one novelty hit. Oh, that's all that Buster Poindexter ever did. But it's like, obviously, it's a... Surely he has had more songs than that, right? I mean... More than just Hot, Hot, Hot? Yeah. Well, I mean, there was an album on which Hot Hot Hot appeared.

Right. Yeah, I mean, I feel like he's probably, you've got to figure at some point he did like, you know, maybe a record of early rock and roll covers. Okay, yeah. You know, maybe a full salsa record. Oh, you went full salsa. Oh, full salsa. He just hired Tito Puente. Yeah, yeah.

Brought in the Tito Puente orchestra featuring that was that salsa that he went full was it mild or was it hot hot hot i would like it if there was like you know obviously like new york dolls you know a big band for like music snobs to like right i would love it if there was like a you know buster poindexter collector who like got all the Japanese pressings. Yeah, sure. Maybe had some bonus tracks. Sure. Like a picture disc.

Insists that like that was that guy's, the peak of that guy's career. The peak of his career was, well, I mean, it was the peak of his career. Sure. I mean, that's the interest, in a practical sense. Yeah, I guess you're right. I guess the New York Dolls never had a hit. The New York Dolls were never the musical guest on Saturday Night Live. But Buster Poindexter was.

Yeah, Buster Poindexter was. I've seen it in reruns. That's insane. On E or something. Yeah, I mean, but I guess that guy's got a good thing going. That guy whose name we still don't know. In that, you know, obviously musical trends come and go. Right.

But he's got kind of two things based on, you know, wherever the tide's at. When people are into, you know, credible, early- I see what you're saying. Punk music, you can just get the New York Dolls back together or one other guy from the New York Dolls and then two other dudes. It's like if Vanilla Ice had also been in The Temptations. Yeah, exactly. Sure. But if, you know, people are into, you know, ironic novelty songs, he can he can suit up again.

Anytime there's like a corporate engagement that he needs to, you know, hit a home run and come out and do that one song sort of Hammer style. But then any other time he can, you know, put on the makeup and the beautiful outfit and hit the stage as the guy who invented punk rock. Yeah. We love you, that guy. hit the stage as the guy who invented punk rock. Yeah. We love you, that guy. David Johansson is what our producer Brian tells us his name is. Anyway, moral of the story,

90 degrees. I'm wearing linen. You know, I got short pants. I got some linen on. I was wearing a bucket hat. A real kind of Gilligan aesthetic is what I'm shooting for here. Gilligan chic? Yeah, Gilligan chic. Gilligan aesthetic is what I'm shooting for here. Gilligan chic? Yeah, Gilligan chic.

Gilligan core? I enjoy it. That's what Alexa Chung's been wearing lately. Oh, sure. Gilligan core. All Gilligan core. Yeah. Spriggy. Hey, guess what, Jordan?

Huh? Max Fund Drive time. Yeah. Maximumfund.org slash donate. Look, we'll talk about it later in the break. But just right now, if you're listening to this program, you're on notice. I've put you on notice that you should, by the end of this program, have visited Maximum Fund. Now, no one's on blast as of yet, right?

No, I'm not putting anybody on blast yet. All right. Look, it's not necessary. It would be excessive. If you were putting people on blast at this point, I would be like, you've gone mad with power. Look, I'm not DJ K. Slay, the drama king. You know, I don't need to start stuff. No one's suggesting you are.

Well, I think Alison Rosen was sort of subtly, quietly suggesting that I was DJ K. Slay, the drama king. Am I allowed to speak yet? I already tweeted that you are. Yeah, see? I was more than suggesting it. I was putting the drama king. I already, am I allowed to speak yet? I already tweeted that you are. Yeah, see? I was more than suggesting it. I was putting him on blast. Yeah. I didn't know you guys had a Twitter beef.

Yeah. That is so cool, you guys. Right. That is fun. It's real fun that you have a Twitter beef. Allison totally has me shook. Yeah. She put me on blast and she has me shook.

I'm quaking in my boots over here. I don't know what to do. And it's weird that you'd bring someone in who you're currently having a Twitter beef with to be on the show and act like everything's fine. But I think it's like a summit, you know? Right. Exactly. You're sort of a Louis Farrakhan type figure. Right. I'm just here to make sure things stay civil. Yeah, exactly. Alison Rosen, by the way, the host of Alison Rosen's Your New Best Friend, superstar celebrity, the former funniest reporter in New York City, if I remember correctly.

Well, that's right. But I think sort of like president, you always take that with you. Right. I'm still. There's more than one of me. But I'm still. I'm funniest reporter. New York's funniest reporter emeritus. So, wait.

I didn't know that this was a title that you had had at one point or still have depending on the semantics of the thing. Still have. I mean there's other funny reporters who might take issue with that. But, yes, there was a contest, New York's funniest reporter. We performed stand-up at Gotham Comedy Club. Wow. And I won. Congratulations.

Thank you very much. Who were you up against? Well, that's the thing. It's impressive until you realize i was up against other reporters there was it was kat greenleaf from she did um like wacky fun pieces for nbc okay like she would like you know she would go to you know uh an adult pillow fight or something like that is that the kind of thing she would do the kind of thing yeah or she'd do like you know i'm adult pillow fight or something like that. Is that the kind of thing she would do? The kind of thing, yeah. Or she'd do like, you know. I'm not here to suggest she actually went to an adult pillow fight, but like that kind of just goofy.

No, but the funny thing about that is that at the time I was working at Time Out in New York and I actually covered punk rock pillow fight, which is an adult pillow fight. Wow. So you were on the adult pillow fight beat. Yes. Yay. Wait, now I want to hear about this. Punk rock pillow fight? Yeah, totally. The guy who does it, Andrew Thompson, now lives out here. I know this based on his Instagram, and I'm pretty sure he brings the pillow fight with him. Wow. So I imagine that's going on in Los Angeles.

What made it punk rock? Just a general contempt for authority. Well, they did it themselves. Sure. DIY ethic. Right. It's not one of these corporate pillow fights. Exactly.

David Johansson was there. Sure. They hadn't talked. As the guy from the New York Dolls, not as Buster Poindexter. Well, later he would get into it. It was everybody was pretty hammered. I have to tell you, I knew that Johansson was the name that you were going for. Oh, wow. And my needing to express it almost made it so that I interrupted what you guys were saying to let the world know that I'm here and I know this name.

Well, thank God you didn't interrupt it because that was all solid gold. Yeah. I mean, that was a kind of tight comedy. Exactly. I mean, just you could bounce a nickel off that comedy. It had salsa talk. Sure. It had weather talk.

Tito Puente. It had Gilligan chic. Everyone can relate to the weather in Los Angeles. Sure. Well, everyone can feel it unless they're inside with air conditioning. Or in a place other than Los Angeles. But I'm pretty sure our whole audience lives in Los Angeles. Oh, yeah.

I mean, we do a lot of like, a lot of showbiz insidery stuff. So I bet people who listen elsewhere, like maybe people who accidentally downloaded or something, probably just don't understand what we're talking about. We're talking about points on the gross. Yeah, sure. Points on the back end. We're talking about prexies. Sure. We're talking about skeins.

The Weinstein party. Sure. Absolutely. Sometimes we're talking about lensers. Sure. Absolutely. We'll talk lensers. So what was your angle during the punk rock pillow fight?

Just check this shit out. Yes. It was, let's see, there was a political angle and it was that everyone in the city was angry about something that just happened politically and this was like a way that people were getting out, expressing their anger and moving on. But I'm trying to remember what it was. Bloomberg. I feel like it had – Yeah.

No, it wasn't – Pataki. It might have been – When they got rid of those big sodas. Mario Cuomo. Ed Koch. I interviewed Ed Koch. At the punk rock pillow fight?

What was he doing there? No, that would have been really cool. No, I interviewed Ed Koch when I was at Time Out in New York, and they really wanted me to ask him if he was gay. So I did. And he was actually surprisingly cool with that question. But he's like, well, let me ask you this. Do you give your boyfriend blowjobs?

Ed Koch Ed Koch Ed Koch wait why was that a response? and then I said because it was New York in the 70s

sure everything went taxi driver oh yeah I was surrounded by mountains of coke when I asked oh yeah sure

this was at Studio 54 right? exactly well the thing is I remember it so was I there? yeah sure I was surrounded by mountains of coke when I asked. Yeah, sure. This was at Studio 54, right? Exactly. Well, the thing is I remember it. So was I there? Yeah, sure. If you remember it, it's probably too loud. So then I said, well, I'm single now, so I can't answer that.

And then he said that the thing that both of those questions had in common were they're none of each other's business. So that was the point he was making so and then he's gay though he was rumored to be gay uh and then i felt bad that i'd asked him that um and then he was like no it's you know he whatever i wish i wish i could remember verbatim what he said this was all in print. But he totally made me feel fine about having asked that. He wasn't bothered by it at all. But then page six picked up on it because it was salacious. And then the weird thing is I was doing – speaking of – This is funny because page six usually does – isn't that usually like it's like foreign policy analysis, right?

Foreign policy analysis and it's like stuff you missed in high school. So they'll do math. A lot of focus on division. What page are those British women with the big jugs? Page three? Yeah. Anyway. We got in trouble once for making a joke where we referred to the British women with the big jugs as page six.

And it turned out they're on a different page. They're called the something page girls. Well, how am I supposed to see these jugs as page six. And it turned out they're on a different page. They're called the something page girls. Well, how am I supposed to see these jugs? I don't know. I don't have time to be flipping around in this paper from three to six. The whole tabloid. Just show me the jugs. All I really, everything I know.

Show me those birds with their jugs. Everything I know about Ed Koch comes from this hip hop documentary called Style Wars, which was made in like 1980, something like that. And it's about graffiti mostly. And there are just these extended scenes of Ed Koch talking about graffiti and talking about like, so I told him, you know, put up razor wire at the transportation depots. Then I said, let's put up two fences and put dogs between them. Just like, wow. Ed Koch is amazing.

He is like the most 1978 thing that has ever happened in the history of the world. What's now the most 1978 thing to happen? At present? Like what is the current thing now that looks like the most like it was from 1978? Yeah, just the thing that exists now but feels very 1978. I actually have a submission to this. Please. Because I'm in my own weird personal hell today.

You agreed to go on this shitty podcast. No. I mean that's not helping matters. Right. But I wash my hair as I want to do. Already this sounds like a fucking train wreck. I'm with you. I am with you.

I can relate. And then I decided to put some mousse in my hair just to see if it helped with volume. And somehow the combination of the shampoo. By the way, your hair is looking voluminous. Is it? Yeah. It's working then. And luminous. is looking voluminous. Is it? Thank you. It's working then. And luminous.

All the uminuses. Cuminous? Is it cumin I smell? That actually goes right into what I was going to say. Somehow the combination of the lilting mousse scent with the more musky shampoo conditioner scent

has coalesced into making me feel like I smell my dad from 1978. Oh, shit. Every time I turn around or take a whiff, I'm like,

it's like the ghost of my dad is right there. The ghost of my dad, mind you, my dad's actually alive still. But something about his essence, your father's essence.

His essence from the 70s is like very close to my nose and it's making me feel very weird. We should explain. In the 70s, he was a curry. Is that what I smell like? I don't know. I feel like you're suggesting I smell like curry. You smell like a thousand mountain flowers.

So is this why you've been in a hell, just this kind of nostalgia that you've been feeling? Yeah. It's a weird, unexpected nostalgia. I feel like it's like there's a photo album surrounding my face. I had that recently when I switched dish soap. Uh-huh. So I bought... See, I bring the good topics.

Yeah, yeah. Now I'm about to bring it down to a talk about dish soap. You used to use Dove. Now you just use cumin. Yeah, right. I just rub cumin on my plates. You used to use dove. Now you just use cumin.

Yeah, right. I just rub cumin on my plates. I usually just get the Trader Joe's dish soap next to godliness. Yeah, sure. You know, I like its religious overtones. Absolutely. Which is a lot of fun. You're very puritanical.

Sure. And sometimes I'll use the Whole Foods 365. You're a store brand man. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You're the opposite of punk rock. Exactly, yeah. I would not be allowed at that pillow fight. Wait, do you think the punk rock dishwashing soap would be a brand name

dishwashing soap? No, but I don't think it would be one of the... No, I feel like it'd be like something some guy, Kevin, down the street made. It would just be a baggie of hand soap that they stole from the gas station bathroom. Yes. And someone wrote.

I heard a woman on the radio the other day who doesn't waste anything. She makes her own soaps. I mean, she doesn't make them from like tallow or whatever it is that soaps make. Tallow and lye. Yeah. That's right. But she's making them from some stuff you buy at the natural food store. And I'm thinking like this woman's doing the most admirable

thing. I can... You could not pay me enough. You could pay me to make soap. You could not pay me enough to then use the soap that I had made. Sure. Right. First of all, it's been all over your grubby hands. Exactly. Plus, he's

seen how the soap gets made. Sure. Absolutely. That's what they say. That happened to me once with sausage. Boy, howdy. So something happened, and I was shopping in a different supermarket, and I bought Palm Olive dish soap. Okay.

That's a popular brand name, dish soap. Very popular brand. Nothing wrong with Palm Olive, I would imagine. And then, like, later on in the week, a cloud of sadness descended over me. Just a fog of, like, not like frustration, just that, like, what a sailor must feel when there's no land in sight. Do you think it was because you realized that you could have gotten Cascade? I know. I had the chance. Finally, you were in a place with a brand named detergent.

I know. No. And then I realized that Palmolive was the brand that we used in my house growing up. My mom's a palm olive loyalist. And the smell was getting to me. And for some reason, it only brought back bad childhood memories. It had no...

For whatever reason, whatever little brain pocket that thing nicked was where the sad... Where all the damage was. Like, heard mom and dad fighting memories. Was it like, was there a reason for that? For example, is it possible that your mom was holding a thing of palm olives? Sure.

I'm listening. And then your dad said, that's it. I'm out of here. And your mom went, what? And as she said what? Squeezed it. Squeezed the pothole and it shot up into the air. And into my mouth.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, probably something wacky like that. Yeah. I'm guessing it was. It was probably something zany and screwball, right? I know when my parents fought when I was a kid, it was usually pretty wacky. Right. When your dad was moving his ball bearing collection. I'm out of here.

I have to say the main thing that my parents fought about that I remember is like my dad's boss would be coming over. Yeah. And my mom would be making this casserole. Right. But then your dad was managing that baseball team where everyone had very weird names. Yes. And anyway, long story short, they had this piano they had to carry up a flight of stairs. Sure.

But it was weird because I don't consider myself as having a bad childhood. I think I had a pretty good childhood as far as child kids go. But why didn't your mom just use witchcraft? I'm sorry to interrupt. No, no, that's fine. This is better. Why didn't your mom use witchcraft? To get the piano up the stairs. Oh, that's a good point.

Point taken. Sure. Point taken. It was, I mean, I don't know. I'm having a hard time remembering it. I'm just really strongly remembering the smell of Cascade. So, it was the powder. Potent. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I don't think I had a bad shot,

but for whatever reason, this dish soap only evoked negative ones. So how long did you keep it around? Oh, I threw it away. Yeah. I was like – I was a quarter into the bottle and I threw it out. Went back with the next to godliness and I haven't been sad since. Not one second. I haven't felt one bit of sadness.

Did you get anything else good at Trader Joe's while you were there? Well, I mean – Did you sell some calla lilies? Yeah. But yeah, I just hope nothing traumatic happens while I'm eating those South African dust chips. Oh my gosh. That would be fucked up. South African barbecue chips somehow became associated with a traumatic memory.

I can't imagine a worse fate. I've never had these chips. These are some chips. These are really good chips. Allison, I feel like half of our conversations are chip related. Well, the funny thing is that half of the conversations on my show, which Jordan, you've been on, are Trader Joe's related. Sure. Trader Joe's owns us.

Yeah. How come Trader Joe's won't sponsor our podcasts? Yeah, do it. They don't sponsor your podcast, right? They should, but no, they don't. Although we've talked a little Trader Joe's won't sponsor our podcasts. Yeah, do it. They don't sponsor your podcast, right? They should, but no, they don't. Although we've talked a little Trader Joe's smack. Okay. Because I don't appreciate the way they feel the need to make chatter with you whenever you check out.

And they sort of do this interrogation about your ingredients. And, oh, have you tried this? And what are you going to buy? And da, da, da. And, in fact, my husband and I got stung recently. Actually, I knew what was up, but he didn't because we were buying some like, I don't know, apples, tomatoes and dog treats. And the woman said, your dog really likes these, huh? And then my husband's like, yeah, yeah. And then she said, oh, what kind of dog is it?

And then he said, you know, it's a Cavalier. And then she's like, oh, I've never heard of that kind of dog. What color is it? Is it gray? And then my husband pulled out. What color is it? Is it gray? That's what I'm saying. It's like someone is shooting, shooting bullets at their feet, like make conversation, make conversation. And that's the best you could do. Ask them if the dog's gray. But Daniel pulled out his phone and started showing her pictures. And I was like, oh, you're falling for it. She's just making conversation. I imagine that there's like a training session where there's one of those, you know, one of those kind of 50-ish white dudes in a Hawaiian shirt that is the store manager or assistant manager.

Always has a box cutter in his hand. And then there's a young 30-ish punk rocker chick who's working the thing. And she's just in training. You know, she's new. And someone brings up – the faux customer brings up his dog. And then the woman says, oh, what kind of dog is that? They say, oh, you know, it's a Springer Spaniel. And then the woman says, what color is it?

And this klaxon goes off. There's a couple seconds of silence and this klaxon goes off. There's a couple seconds of silence and this klaxon goes off. Somebody starts ringing that bell and the Trader Joe's ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding. And the manager comes in and he says, God damn it. You're supposed to ask if it's gray. Get out of my sight.

And he walks off. Never works at Trader Joe's. She did have that sort of shit fear in her eyes. Maybe that shit would fly at Gelson's. Right. Not here. At Gelson's they probably ask if your goddamn dog is blue. There's no such thing as a blue dog.

It's anarchy over there at Gelson's. They have multiple brands of the same product at Gelson's. But in weird European sizes that they charge you more for. Where does Gelson's get the size of its things? Anyway, I don't know if Gelson's is a national chain. It's probably not. It's probably not. Andronicos it would be in San Francisco.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Few people more delightful than the great Alison Rosen. We mentioned in the very top of the show, it's Max Fun Drive time, baby. Woo! I'm so excited. I don't like referring to the listener as baby. I don't want to. It seems diminutive. Okay. It's Max Fun Drive.

Wait. Can I ramp up to it again? It's Max Fun Drive time again, Admiral. What about this? And just take note of the tone, too, but also the wording. Okay. It's Max Fun Drive time, Daddy. Yeah.

Hey, Daddy. I like that. What if the theme for this drive was the creepiest drive ever? It just make people feel real uncomfortable. But also kind of aroused. That's the way to get people to open their wallets. You creep them out a little bit. Hi, Daddy.

You go for the ask. Hey, Daddy. Pull out your wallet. Baby needs num-nums. Is that our slogan for this year? Baby needs num-nums? I do like num-nums. Baby needs num-nums.

No, baby needs num-nums is num-nums. Wait, wait. Is num-nums num-nums is numbers. Wait, wait. Is num-nums numbers? That's important. We should define num-nums as it relates to numbers. I think num-nums is adjective. I find the noun num-nums to be adjective numbers. Okay.

Yeah, I can go with that. Does that make sense? Sure. Num-nums are numbers. How about this? Okay. Yeah, I can go with that. Does that make sense? Sure. Num-nums are numbers. How about this? Okay. Hey, it's Max Fun Drive time, Meemaw.

To make you seem like a respected grandparent? Yeah. I like that. Or, it's Max Fun Drive time, Pop Pop. Sure. You know? I don't know. Regardless of how we address the. We called my mom's mom Gan Gan. Okay.

You want to try that out? Yeah. It's Max Fun Drive Time Gan Gan. Can you do it like in an even smokier, sexier voice? No, that's as smoky and sexy as my voice gets. Can I try? Yeah, please. Alison Rosen probably has the sexiest voice here.

Can you do smoky? Thank you. That's right. It's me, Jordan Morris, total fuck machine. Women can't resist me. Chug out my balls. Did you say choke on or check out? I said check out.

I wish I had said choke on. Oh, how I wish I said choke on. All right, let me try. Oh, how I wish I said choke on. All right. Let me try. It's Max. Okay. Your line is. I'm not going to give you.

Your line is check out Jordan's balls. I'm not going to give you a reading on this. I'm just going to give you the text. Okay. Okay. It's Max Fun Drive time. Gam, gam. It's Max Fun Drive time.

Gam, gam. That's good. Yeah. That's good. It was good. I'm aroused. Yeah. Anyway, once a year, we at MaximumFun.org ask you to support the shows that you love, including Jordan Jesse Go. It's how we make our living. Look, we're not living high on the hog on proflowers.com money like Alison Rosen over here.

Alison Rosen doesn't have to worry about anything. She's got a gold Cadillac. I can attest. It seems pretty sad around here. Yeah. Thank you, Alison. Sure. You're welcome.

Thank you very much. And, yeah, this is how we make our livings and how we pay for Brian, pay the rent, pay for the microphones. All of that stuff comes from your direct support. And, yeah, once a year is the only time when we check in and ask you to go to MaximumFun.org slash donate and do it. Apparently there's prizes and incentives, too. Oh, yeah. Let's talk about the prizes and incentives. So here's the deal.

There is a donation level for any donor. As always, the Jordan Jesse Go rule applies. If you do not have a job, you are freed from the obligation to donate. I'm out. Everyone else is on blast. Sure. I'm putting everyone else on blast. Okay.

I'll put them on notice. Sure. As the drive goes on, you can upgrade to blast. Yeah, exactly. There's a donation level for any person out there, any level of income. There's a way that you can support MaximumFund.org. Let's talk about the prizes. Number one, five bucks a month, you get the bonus content.

There's a new all-question Jordan Jesse Go that we put out there. If you want to hear us answer personal and intimate questions about ourselves and our lives and be delightful and hilarious in the process. It's a lot of fun. I don't mind if I say so myself. It's a lot of fun. You'll want to get this bonus content. And there are also a bunch of other bonus Jordan Jesse Go's. There are some Riff Track style short films that we made. There is now over 50 hours of bonus content in the Donors Only bonus content pool.

So if you have not donated yet, if you're a new donor, you get all of this stuff that we've been banking over the years for subscribers. Yeah, exactly. At $10 a month, you get that, plus you get a Drive exclusive tote bag designed by none other than Sonny D. himself, Brian Fernandez. It is really cool. It's great to take whether you're going to Albertsons, Gelsons, the Super Kings. Vons, Johns, Smart and Final. Piggly Wiggly. It features the MaxFun rocket ship in the form of a word cloud featuring the names of all the MaxFun shows

and other phrases and catchphrases associated with MaximumFun.org. Brian put it together. It is really neat. I feel like that should be more than $10. I know, right? Doesn't it seem like it should be more? Really? For a tote bag like that with a word cloud?

And you get the bonus content, too. I know. Give me a break. If you were to buy that bonus content. We're going broke over here. No wonder you have a gold Cadillac and we don't. $20 a month. This one is really good.

It's called the In-Flight Power Pack. It's not just for in-flight, it's for any kind of traveling. Well, we know that our audience is jet setters. Anybody who's a jet setter or has an on-the-go life. Because they all live in LA and work in Hollywood, sometimes they got to go out to New York. Right, exactly. Sometimes you got to go to Cannes. Sure, sometimes you got to go to what I call the flyover country. What they call the flyover country.

Contemptuously. Sure. Just think. Here's a good test to determine if you have an on-the-go lifestyle. Does yogurt sound inconvenient to you? Do you wish it came in a squeezable tube? If so, if you have an on-the-go lifestyle, what do you get, Jordan? Mobile device charger.

That's like a super battery for your phone. A collapsible water bottle. That's like a special water bottle that you can roll up and put in the pocket of your backpack when you're getting on the airplane. You fill it up when you get past TSA. You got to stay hydrated or else you'll get kidney stones. Yeah, that's a good point. Jordan's had those. No fun.

No. Antibacterial wipes for hands or junk. What a tragedy it would be if people didn't support us and then they got kidney stones. I would hate that. And it could happen. It could happen. Will happen. It is likely to happen.

Yeah. And, of course, a pair of pilot's wings like you would get when you visit the captain. Yeah. Not the Super NES game pilot wings, just to be clear. This is literally the only legal way for someone above the age of 12 to get a set of pilot wings. Otherwise, the only thing you're going to have to wait for a 12-year-old on your flight to visit the captain.

Then shove him down. Yeah, sure. Get him back to their seat. Yeah. $35 a month, you get a pair of rocket engraved shot glasses. Engraved, not printed. Mm-mm. We're running a classy operation here.

At $100 a month, you get membership in the Inner Circle, the monthly culture club. Jordan, have you ever recommended something for the Inner Circle yet? I've done two. Okay. Do you remember what you did? Yes. I think for the first time, this is something where you get a little book or CD or DVD from a MaxFun host. Exactly.

Every month, a MaxFun host picks a new thing to send you in the mail or in your email digitally, movies, songs, books, DVDs, et cetera. I think the first time I did it, I did the great Karen Russell book, Vampires in the Lemon Grove, which is one of my favorite recent books that I've read. It's really cool short stories. Grove, which is one of my favorite recent books that I've read. It's a really cool short stories. And I think this most recent time I did the first trade paperback of a cool comic called Sex Criminals. Oh, yeah. That is a great.

That is a great comic. I've enjoyed that comic. Tons of fun. I believe I sent out a book called The Big Con, which is a history of the culture of con men. That is one of the funniest, most wonderful, amazing things ever. Anyway, a new MaxFun host

every month picks something out for you if you join at the $100 a month level. And if you kick it up to $200 a month, the Platinum Angels, you get free registration at MaxFunCon 2016,

which, by the way, MaxFunCon sold out in like three weeks or something this time around. Free registration at MaxFunCon. That's no joke. PrettyCon. That's no joke.

Pretty good. That's no joke. Pretty good. Anyway, here's the thing. Pretty good, Daddy. Moral. You out there, Daddy? Here's the moral.

Sure. Here's the moral of the story for all you gam games out there. It's not about at what level you support MaximumFun.org. It's about if you enjoy this show, if you enjoy other shows at MaximumFun.org, it's that you support it. Are we talking about our secret project if we get enough donors? Let's introduce a secret project in the next break.

Sure. We'll tease it. We'll tease it. We're working on a secret project if we get enough donors and we're going to talk about it in the next pledge break. We'll tease it. We'll tease it. We're working on a secret project if we get enough donors and we're going to talk about it in the next pledge break. Is the next pledge break going to happen while I'm still here? Because now I want to know. Yeah, don't worry. We'll do it while you're still

here. Great. But yeah, the moral of the story here is that what really matters to us is that you support MaximumFun.org. If you listen to Jordan Jesse Go or you listen to Jordan Jesse Go and other Maximum Fun shows, they need your support to continue to exist. You know, this really is how we make our living. And we're very proud to do it.

And we're very proud to work for the people that support our shows. So go to Maximumfund.org slash donate. Don't hesitate to do it. And, you know, sign up. This money comes out of your bank account automatically. It's a total breeze. You can cancel it whenever you want to. It's like the easiest thing in the world

and every time you listen to one of these shows, you'll know like, hey, I made that happen. So, MaximumFun.org slash donate. We'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Jesse Coe. Love you, love you, love you, love you. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne.

I'm the voice of the millennial generation. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Allison Rosen, generally delightful. I know I said that before, but I just want to expand on that. You know those people that are like an acquired taste? That's not me. I'm for everyone. But everyone might not be as into me as they, you know, the people who are like super into the spicy mustard version of someone, like they're super into them.

Everyone can tolerate me, and that's what I'm going for. You're like a primetime CBS show. Exactly. There's a really narrow band of America that has any interest in us whatsoever. Although, Jordan, you've gone on Allison's show and received generally positive responses to it. Exclusively positive. Yeah, let's say exclusively. Unless there's something I don't know. Because when Jordan comes on, the people go nuts.

Oh, really? No wonder I keep asking him back. Everyone loves him. There's a certain swath of the listeners who think that I'm fake and gay. Right. Anyway, but you're not seeing those. You're not seeing those. I guess I'm not.

It's the filter. Fake and gay. Fake and gay. Fake because you're not being your true gay self or just you're gay and you're inauthentic? They think he's gay, which is a way that teens and tweens and mouth breathers and so on express displeasure at anything. It's a sort of general term of displeasure used by the internet generation. Sure. And specifically.

And of course Kid Rock. Sort of the slime of the internet generation. Of course. And then fake is just people. A lot of people think that, you know, videos of Jordan can't possibly be real. Sure. That they've been shopped or, you know, that that eagle really didn't steal my baby. Pics.

He did. Or it didn't happen. Sure. Yeah. That sort of thing. Right. Right. Yeah.

No, I remember around the time everyone started accusing everyone of being fake is also the time that everyone used the word random way too frequently. Yeah. At least in my school. Yeah. And this is like seventh grade. It's not. Yeah.

I feel like I haven't heard, thank God, I have not heard random as much as I used to. Oh, no. They're saying you're random. You're fake gay and random. Oh, no. I'm random. No, I don't want to be random. I heard you were fake on steroids and random on crack.

Oh, man. That's what I heard. That's the worst. I know. These are the worst things to be. I know. Talk to the hand. Well, anyway. Leave a message at the worst. I know. These are the worst things to be. I know. Talk to the hand. Ugh. Well, anyway.

Leave a message at the wrist. But when people come on my show, I mean, no, sorry, when Jordan, not people, when Jordan comes on my show, people minus- Do you have people other than Jordan on your show? I do. I do. But minus the ones who think you're fake, gay, and random- Sure.

Are so into him that they want him to replace the other people that come on my show when he's not there we delete a coup yeah doesn't your husband go on your show sometimes yeah do they want you to get divorced i'm sure they wouldn't mind oh it'd be a horrible life alice it'd be a terrible life let me stop you if you were considering it i know there'd be no palm olive in the house i'm gonna talk yeah i'm gonna if you were considering it. I know. No Palmolive in the house. Yeah, I'm going to talk you off of it. Even if it was just for show business purposes, sort of Beyonce and Jay-Z style. Right. Don't do it.

Yeah. Not worth it. Not for the ratings? You can do better. Like who? Greg Fitzsimmons. Sure. Yeah, that's great.

Probably just go with Greg Fitzsimmons. Greg Proops. Any of the Gregs. Greg Proops. Any of the Gregs. Greg Proops. Bobby Slayton, the pitbull of comedy. Yeah, get Bobby Slayton, the pitbull of comedy. Dom Herrera. Dom Herrera would be much better.

Dom DeLuise, I mean. Eddie Pepitone. Yeah. Jimmy J.J. Walker. Mm-hmm. There's only... That would be dynamite. A dynamite parrot.

Sure. Wait, can I change what I just said? Yeah, go ahead. I hear he's dynamite in the sack. Let's get some alts on that. Thank you. Let's get some alts on that good times joke. That was good, but yeah, it was just for safety.

Sure, sure, yeah. You want to have some options in the editing room. Look, when you're the voice of the millennial generation, if you're not sneaking some Good Times references into every show. I think that is actually the most 1978 thing that's happened on the show so far. That's right. Wait until I get my mod stuff in. Has anybody been binge-watching BJ and the Bear? I love binge-watching.

The Love Boat is actually back on. Is it? I don't know. I forget what channel it is, but I was DVRing it for a while. Isn't that – I believe that's on the Hospice Care channel. The close to death channel. I wondered what that beeping was. There is –

The drain circling network. There is just some sort of network now that shows like Perry Mason, Love Boat, like things like that. Really? Yeah. Like the TV Rewind Network or something? Kind of, yeah. Maybe what Nick at Night used to be. I think Nick at Night is just George Lopez now, right?

I haven't tuned in in a while, but that sounds about right. Yeah. I mean, good for George Lopez. Sure. Let's give him Nick at Night. Yeah. What he can do with it. He can buy more medical marijuana lotion to rub on himself.

Wait, what? Yeah. Medical marijuana lotion? Yeah. So he's always rubbing it on himself, said a co- Yeah. Medical marijuana lotion? Yeah. So he's always rubbing it on himself, said a co-worker who used to work with him. Wow, that's great. Yeah. Does that work?

That goes into the skin? I don't know. Yeah. I mean, surely a medical marijuana dispensary would never sell you a bad bill of goods. No, I mean, first and foremost, they're healthcare professionals. Sure, right, exactly. These are doctors. Yeah.

Have you ever been to one? Doctors feel goods? Jordan has a personal bud tender. I have a card, yeah. You do? No, my place closed down. My bud tender's gone. Oh, right, your bud tender's gone.

I've been seeing some other bud tenders. Nothing's, like, taken so far. But, you know, we're just hanging out and having fun. It's not, you know, we don't want to put a label on it. Lately, I've been considering medical marijuana for medical purposes. I've never used marijuana recreationally. I don't know, though. It seems weird. It seems like why would you use medical marijuana not as a trick? I think that people do use it for, I mean mean I think it isn't actually a helpful thing in some situations. Oh, sure.

No, I agree. But I mean even in those situations, I feel like those people still kind of get to feel like they're getting over. Sure. Like certainly it helps if you have nausea is a big one. I mean I guess it helps with glaucoma. Sure. No, but chronic pain conditions certainly. But like – if you're tired

of not being high yeah yeah if movies aren't funny enough yeah i feel like those are the like at least they go into the doctor they're like look i'm on this medication that makes me really nauseous i have a hard time keeping food down and i'm not high you know what i mean like it's both things sure right because there are anti-nausea medications that don't get you high. Right. In fact, I was with someone. I went to an appointment with an oncologist with someone who had cancer. I was sort of helping her out.

And she brought up THC pills. Congratulations. Thank you very much. See, I am a good person. She brought up THC pills. And the doctor said the problem with those is that people don't like the side effects, like the getting high. Yeah. I mean, that's the thing.

I don't really want to get high. You're afraid it'll be too red? Yeah. I'm afraid that I'll— It can get random, though. Yeah, you might get a little bit random. Like, what if I let my hair down? Yeah, sure.

You know what I mean? That's the last thing I want. What if I start dancing? Oh, boy. You know what I mean? These are all possible— It'll infringe upon your job as a librarian.

Exactly. So wait, what are you considering taking? I have migraine headaches. Oh, right. I remember that. Yeah, I get really bad migraine headaches and they've been so frequent the last few months that I can't always take my like the migraine medication for my migraines causes problems

where you get more migraines if you take it too frequently. That's the worst side effect. I know. Isn't that horrible? But that's what they want. I know. Because they need more medication. Big pharma.

Big migraine. Yeah. Yeah, right. It's like if there was a birth control pill that got you pregnant. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, I mean, I've just got a real short list of things to try that are left. Medical marijuana's on there. I want to go

to, like, they have in Los Angeles, they have ones that are, like, so, because I don't care how much money it costs. I got a gold-plated Cadillac. Oh, sorry. Oh. I stole your gold-plated Cadillac. Oh, boy. I had one. You're going to want to call a gold Uber to get home, Allison.

A goober? G-U-B-E-R. Umlaut. A goober. A goober. They have like a medical marijuana dispensary that's like so fancy. It's like nice inside, right? Yeah.

The ones by my house are mad scary. There are just huge dudes with face tattoos standing outside with their arms crossed. I mean, it runs the gamut. I mean, there's some that are, yeah, look like, you know, they, yeah, they look like they were designed by Mumford & Sons. Do you think it's possible to find a medical marijuana dispensary where if I went there, they would actually know what kind of marijuana I should use for migraines? I think the dudes – For example, is there such a thing – I know that there's a lot of fake marijuana doctors. Sure.

Are there any actual marijuana doctors? That's a great – yeah, I don't know if you could go to one – if you could go to just your healthcare provider and say I've been – I've wondered that. Like could I just ask my doctor? Yeah, try it. Yeah, that would be weird. I wonder what would happen. Yeah, I don't know.

What about – can a nurse practitioner do it? What if my nurse practitioner writes the prescription and then my doctor signs off on it? That's usually how it works. The guy that I got my license from was a very kindly older man who seemed pretty legit. I think you – it's something that doctors do for extra money. See, that's interesting because when I went to the clinic with the aforementioned person who has cancer that I mentioned before, hence aforementioned. Third trip. Third trip around this fourth.

Here we go. Fifth. We went to a marijuana dispensary and a fourth trip exactly um the doctor guy who ran it it was like out of a movie he was stoned and he was in bare feet and his wife his office had a beaded curtain that you had to part before going into it. It had a lot of like velvet drapes and stuff. And then his wife, who was the nurse there, had gigantic breasts. Yeah.

The aforementioned jugs. Sure. Oh, six times. Jugs, you say. I'm an aforementioned K-hole. Yeah. Yeah. And she looked like she should be on the cover of a Blink-182 album or something. This was in Orange County.

Yeah. But the whole thing was the least legitimate. It was in Irvine, actually. Well, that's Orange County. It is. But it's not like Huntington Beach, which is the most Orange County. Yeah. Although I think that's – no, you're right.

Okay. Go ahead. I think – I feel like the medical marijuana dispensary by my house is called No Knives. Okay. Although that might just be the biggest sign on the outside. Yeah, sure. They're just probably warning people against bringing knives. Is it also called No Shirts, No Shoes, No Service?

No Bog Paps? I think they'll serve you if you don't got no shirts and no shoes. Yeah. I mean I think they'll serve you if you don't got no shirts and no shoes. Yeah, I mean, I think they'll serve you. Especially if you got those big jugs out. I think they insist on a head tattoo. Not just a face tattoo, but a full, that kind of, you know, across the top of the, that just shows a picture of you murdering someone. That's the kind that i'm talking yeah i think if you went to i think if you went to like a sherman oaks or that part of venice where everyone is riding vespas uh-huh there would be a super fancy place that looks like it could be a you know artisanal

cocktail bar or something that the famous slater kinney boulevard yeah exactly yeah slater kinney boulevard yeah um but yeah and i think they But yeah, and I think the dudes who work at those things, like they want nothing more than to be taken seriously. Right. So I think that they have boned up – like these are probably guys who have no other skill set but they know so much about the cultivation of marijuana because – I think because they would like to be taken seriously. So I think you could probably have a good experience if you just found the right spot. Is it true that different strains of pot have different effects? Because I've heard that that's not true. I mean I've noticed things.

I'm not enough of a pot smoker to like notice the nuances and things like that. But yeah, I mean I have noticed things have different effects. But yeah, I don't know if it's just like, oh, I was more tired or I did it on an empty stomach. I don't really know what to attribute it to. I'm worried that at this point I'm so old and square that I'm going to have what they call a Maureen Dowd experience. Like the New York Times columnist who complained that marijuana got legalized because she went and used some and thought she was going to die. I think if you just say that I have not smoked it before, give me something moderate and

definitely like maybe don't eat anything. Don't eat an edible because that's just super hard to control. Yeah. And I said, get some get some George Lopez lotion. You know what? I don't. Some Lopez lotion. Can I get some salvia?

Yes. I mean, I think I get some salvia? Yes. I mean, I think you should probably take salvia for your migraines. Right. For your first time. I want to disassociate from my identity. Yeah. I want to feel like I'm not a human. Meet the devil and have four seconds last an hour.

Yeah, exactly. Well, perfect. Yeah. Problem solved. Problem solved. Allison Rosen, okay, so you recently struck out on your own. Yes, perfect. Yeah. Problem solved. Problem solved. Alison Rosen, okay, so you recently struck out on your own. Yes, I did. With your podcast, Alison Rosen is Your New Best Friend.

Jesse, I don't know. I would qualify it as a strikeout. I think it was a home run. Thank you, Jordan. Yeah. Thank you, Jordan. I misspoke. Thank you. You recently home runned on your own. Alison Rosen is your new best friend.

That's right. How are you feeling? I feel good. I feel good. You got this great relationship with Jordan? Yes. I hear wedding bells. Right.

Sorry, Daniel. Well, if I can get Bobby Slayton out of the picture. The bulldog of comedy. It's going to be tough. It's going to be tough to get the bulldog of comedy out of the picture. It locks his jaw. Sure. Well, it's a good thing I keep this long strand of sausages

with me all the time. Toss those into traffic. Especially now that you know how they're made. Yes, I do know how they're made. That only works on Marmaduke, the Marmaduke of comedy. Oh. Well, I'm fucked. Okay, so what are we looking at?

Three months? Yes. I feel as if I should fill in the story for people who don't know. I used to be on The Adam Carolla Show for four years. And then around December 29th or thereabouts. Let the record state that as you said The Adam Carolla Show, your eye twitched. Did it really? Yes. Uncontrollable eye twitch.

Is that true? Yes, it is. Well, something interesting. It was amazing. Something interesting happened. It that true? Yes, it is. Well, something interesting... It was amazing. Something interesting happened... It could just be that you're tired. Right, but what Jesse is suggesting is that the fatigue hit me right as I said those words.

I had this crazy coughing fit on my show, the one that came out on Thursday. I was making this whole big proclamation about how I feel like I've gotten away from who I have been or who I am in that I've allowed myself to become concerned about how things I say are going to be taken, specifically regarding what we're talking about, the Adam Carolla show, my experience on there, my experience with having been fired over email, which is what happened on December 29th. And I've really been doing this dance of, you know, talking about it a little bit but trying to not talk about it that much. Meanwhile, you know, he was just on Howard Stern

and Howard Stern and Robin asked him about me and then it was brought up on the wrap-up show. And like every time, I mean, Adam keeps talking about it, whether he, I don't think he wants to. I think when it gets brought up, I think he's like, oh, why won't this go away? But it's like it won't go away because a lot of people are still like, what the fuck happened? We had a relationship with her for four years and now suddenly she's gone. So it's just people are very – people who are devoted listeners don't take these things lightly, which thank you.

I appreciate that. But so anyway. I know Lothreaper takes this very seriously. Sure. He's a guy on Reddit. Yeah. Who loves your show. I love that. I love anyone who loves my show.

But so anyway, I was talking about how I've had this epiphany and I'm just not going to censor myself anymore. And then I had this crazy coughing attack and I could not catch my breath. Oh, wow. Yeah. And like my eyes were watering and I had to pull away from the mic and other people had to take over. But I've been – I was a little bit sick the weekend before. So I thought, well, maybe that's why it happened.

But other people have suggested, much like where my eye twitching. No, it was probably your emotions that got the best of you that caused the cough attack. Or God. I don't know. Sure. But anyway. Or gods. Or God.

Let's not exclude our polytheistic friends. Right. Let's not. Could have been a demigod. Like maybe Zeus fucked a cow. Yeah. And then. It could have been Kronos.

All they were up to really. Yeah. It did. Was making your eye twitch. It did feel like the hand of someone who's half man, half beast. Sure. But also celestial. Because you know how Zeus like controls events on the ground and he throws lightning bolts

or like Aphrodite has the powers over love and so on and so forth. Like if you're only a demigod, the best you get is like I twit. Sure, you can make someone hosting a podcast cough. Like, yeah, I'm the demigod of restless leg syndrome. Sure. Yeah. I would seriously pray to the god of facial twitchiness. That's the thing.

I feel like here's the thing. So to answer your question, things have been going really well. I mean, I really didn't miss a beat. I was able to start recording in my dining room. We've been jokingly calling it Dining Room Studios, but the shows have been really good, and I'll get into that in a minute. And I found a new crew and a new producer, and everything has just been going really well. So I've really been like, wow, this is just – I mean, obviously there's the mixed feelings about what happened and the frustration and the, you know, feeling betrayed in a way by some aspects of it. But for the most part, I've been like, I'm fine. I'm great.

I'm doing so well. But when I see any video of myself, I'm like, but I am twitchy as fuck. Like, I feel like the anxiety is just causing all this facial twitchiness. And the more I talk about it, now it's become like when you talk about what is the appropriate amount of eye contact to make. And then you become super aware of everywhere your eyes are going. Now I'm very aware of all my facial muscles. But, yeah, it's like I almost have facial twitchy Tourette's. I need to get rid of it. You're going to need some body work.

Let's get Alison Rosen up to Santa Cruz. Get some physical health practitioners. Yeah. You know, get a stone massage. I thought you meant like a new coat of paint. Just hammer out these facial dents. Yeah. Someone did offer.

We're going to get you a clear coat. We're going to get you an undercoat to prevent rust. Have you thought about doing something holistic like that? We're going to get you a clear coat. We're going to get you an undercoat to prevent rust. Have you thought about doing something holistic like that, getting some acupuncture or – No. Someone did offer me a free session of Reiki. OK. But not because of the twitchiness. Because they hope to promote their Reiki services.

Exactly. A lot of times there's a lot of energy health practitioners out there. It's hard to get your name out, especially with the sort of moral and ethical guidelines around how much advertising you can do with Reiki, which is pretty complicated. The Reiki bar really looks down upon people who get too self-promotional. I've seen it happen to some of my favorite practitioners. Yes. I'll say that they don't. Manipulating the energy of a major celebrity like Alison Rosen is a great way to make your name maybe that's what's already been happening maybe they're manipulating my energy oh no that's why i've been people have there been people

behind you waving their hands and going yeah they said don't pay attention to us yeah yeah we are definitely not sabotaging you you know you know the old saying, never trust a Reiki master. Yeah. I do. That's why they teach you that in school. Right. Remember when Nancy Reagan was all about never trust a Reiki master? Just say no to Reiki.

Yeah. To free Reiki. Exactly. It was her and Mr. T, as I recall. There was that rap about it. Yeah. I'm a millennial. Jesse Thorne, millennial.

But watch out. Don't anger them, even if you do see that they might be manipulating your energies. Right. Because if you catch them in the act and spook them- I'll be stuck that way? They could Hadouken you. That's the last thing you want. You don't want anything from Street Fighter II to happen to you.

Uh-uh. But, I mean, most of all, the Hadouken. Yeah. Oh, well. And you don't want anything from Street Fighter II Championship Edition. Oh, boy. What if that happens? That's when a guy who looks like you in a different colored outfit Hadouken'd you.

And especially, you don't want it linked in a combo either. If that's part of a larger combo, oof. Yeah. Yuck. Anyway. What's Hadouken? Ah, nothing. Don't worry about it. It's in Street Fighter when they throw a fireball atof. Yeah. Yuck. Anyway. What's Hadouken? Ah, nothing. Don't worry about it.

It's in Street Fighter when they throw a fireball at you. Oh. Which I'm assuming is the end game of Reiki. Yeah. It's like, listen, I'll take people who are stressed out. I'll help them decompress and I'll get rid of some of this bad juju. But eventually, I would like to be able to throw an energy ball from my hands and then ultimately learn to link it in a combo.

Right. Well, it's like Tony Robbins has the whole fire walk thing. So it would make sense that they would throw fireballs. Oh, yeah, sure. It's like Tony Robbins. I think Tony Robbins is a totally perfect example because, you see, Tony Robbins starts out initially he's working as a salesman he's working on sales seminars then he's working on self-improvement seminars and eventually it's

about energy murder sure and delicious baby back ribs those two things thinking of Tony Romans I'm thinking of Tony Romans sorry yeah anyway Have you ever been to a Tony Robbins anything? No. If I was given the opportunity to go to a Tony Robbins thing that I did not have to pay money for, I would definitely go. If it was less than a day. I was given that opportunity many years ago when I worked for the OC Weekly. It started at 8.30 a.m. And it was a seminar for salespeople. So I felt like it really didn't speak to me except that I was just there as a reporter to write about it.

You don't have any problems closing. I don't. And cold calls are my strength. Absolutely. So, yeah, it was all about sort of getting people over there. And your onion ring loafs are great. Thank you. That's also something that happens at Tony Roma's.

Give you that onion ring loaf. You peel them off. Oh, that ring loaf. You peel them off. Oh, that sounds good. You peel it off and dip it. Have you talked to Chris lately? You know, Ruth's Chris? Oh, he's on my shit list. Okay.

Wait, are these onion rings length like in a Hokkaido? Whatever it is. They are, yes. Was it actually called? A Hadouken, yes. So this is a big clump of onion rings. This is now more interesting to me than anything else. Sure. It's like a block, a cube.

Wow. Like Paul and Peele Twizzlers? Yeah. I don't know. I can't picture. Like a Bloomin' Onion. No, this is a loaf. A Bloomin' Onion is arranged beautifully around a dip. This is a loaf. This is like a clump, like someone threw onion rings at you, but they're connected.

It's like if someone took thin onion rings and formed them into a cube or a lump. So it's as though they were mushed? Yeah. Is there air in between? Not a lot. Do you have to cut it with a bread knife? The batter is very light and airy. Okay.

It's not a thick batter. It's maybe similar to a tempura batter. But when you pull your onion ring, do you get just glistening onion without the batter or does the batter come with it? That's a concern. Definitely. That can happen. That seems like it would. That sometimes can.

Usually it doesn't batter would connect would hold on to itself and then you'd just be pulling yeah and then like then making little batter sweepings right and then kind of putting fun to eat at the very end it would be fun to eat yeah it's a concern with tony roma's onion ring loaf i'm not gonna lie i'm not here to say that they're perfect i'm not here to say it's the perfect appetizer. I'm just saying it's a pretty good one. You're listening to App Talk. Well, on my show, we now have a little jingle we play called Snack Chat.

Oh. We talk about snacks so much. I should explain for people who are unfamiliar. My show on Monday, it's a one-on-one interview. And then on Thursday, it's a group show that's sort of freeform like this. And that's the one that Jordan's been on. But it's for everybody, not nobody. Exactly. There's a difference between that and this.

I hope I bring some bodies to your show. Yeah, sure. This is Allison. Lothreeper's here. Sure. We already got Lothreeper. We're not sweating it. So anyway, back to the Tony Robbins seminar, though.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You take a mid-morning break where he tells you to get ready when you come back because we're going to move around. And that was my cue to go home. You didn't want to do push-ups. I had seen enough. I really got the vibe of it. But he said he was like, in the break, buy my CDs or my DVDs or all my things.

And if you're asking yourself how much it costs, you should question your commitment. It was very much suddenly the infomercial late-night hard sell. Tony Robbins knows how to overcome objections. Talk about on blast, huh? Jeez. Yeah. It really was like don't even for a second let yourself, how much this is because you want to change them. I feel the same way because I feel that way.

I can relate to that. I feel that way about people going to MaximumFun.org and supporting Jordan Jesse Go. Yeah. Well, that's the good side of that coin. What? Like, I mean, I guess I, you know, think about that stuff and I automatically not really knowing what it is still kind of roll my eyes at it because I think I kind of know what kind of thing it is. But was there any like nugget of something that you took away where you're like that's good or that's real? Yes, there was something actually.

He was talking about – well, I forget exactly what he was talking about where he used what I'm about to say as the example. I think it was that people size people up right away and then whatever judgment they've made kind of they stay with. Because he was saying that think about someone that you really like or that you have a good opinion of. If they do something sort of fucked up and that was not the language he used, you'll come up – you'll make an excuse for them. You'll be like, oh, they're having a bad day versus think about someone that you have a negative feeling about or someone that you dislike. If all of a sudden they are super nice to you, you'll be like, what are they trying

to pull over? You're suspicious of it. But I forget what exactly – this was a long time ago. I forget what that was supposed to illustrate. It may just be that it was supposed to illustrate the sort of snap judgments we'll make about people or the allowances that we'll give people. But this particular seminar was, like I said, really geared towards sales and getting people over that fear of calling people cold and stuff. So it really didn't apply to me. And getting people over that fear of calling people cold and stuff.

So it really didn't apply to me. But I know people who have gone to the weekend seminars. Like Maria Menounos has talked on air about how it really helped her. So I don't know. I think I'm like you. I'm kind of like I feel like I don't know if that's for me or not. Although I do love all sorts of self-help stuff. Oh, yeah?

I do. The Power of Now? I haven't read that one. Is it good? I just know that that's a name. Do you have a vision board? No. I really need to get one.

You've got to get a vision board. I just don't know what it should look like. That's the kind of fun stuff we do on this show. So I want to with your deal, with you going solo in your show, it seems like obviously it was a shitty situation, but it seems like people are talking about the show a lot. Is that a positive of the whole thing? Definitely. Yeah. sort of silver lining of the whole thing is that now it does seem like a lot of people are aware of the show and it does seem like a lot of people know about me and know about what happened and have reached out to me personally or have reached out to come on the show like people that i wanted

to be guests for a long time are all of a sudden available um and there's actually been some interest in the press in my show which has been been really cool i had richard prior's widow jennifer lee, on my show, and she's a really interesting interview. And she talked about the upcoming Richard Pryor biopic, some of the casting decisions that had been made, and then she also talked about Bill Cosby. And that, the Bill Cosby stuff, because it was incendiary,

is what got picked up, and it was in Billboard, Jezebel, Salon, Inside Edition did something on it. Howard Stern played a clip. Wow. Daily Mail. So across the pond. Sure. As I never, ever want to say again.

Daily Mail did something. New York Daily News. It was everywhere. And that was really cool. And then coming up, do you guys know who Lisa May is? She was on K-Rock. Oh, yeah. Sure. She was the, yeah.

And she just got, she was just let go. And in, I actually, I don't know the story yet. So I don't know if it's really similar to my story or not, but there seem to be parallels and that the listeners are really, you know, outraged about it and they want to know what happened. And so people have been tweeting to me, like, you guys have to get together if you talk. And so i reached out to her and at first she didn't know whether she wanted to to give her side of the story but she actually just got in touch to say that she does want to just tell her side of things and then be done with it and move on and she wants to do that on my show that's great which is really flattering so she's coming on let's see the same a week after people hear, I'm assuming they'll listen to it right away.

Yeah, of course. A week after they hear this, she'll be on my show. So that's exciting. You have Lance Armstrong coming up as well. That's right. I did notice on a super, super much, much lighter note. I did notice that something you said or something that James Gunn said on your show got picked up by all the like let's speculate about Marvel movies. Yes, because he came on.

Internet news outlets. Right. That was exciting as well. He talked a little bit about Guardians of the Galaxy 2 and revealed some things that hadn't been revealed before. So that set the internet on fire. Sure. The whole thing takes place underwater.

That's right. I don't know. It's probably in space. I hear, and I'm, look'm a hollywood insider sure this isn't necessarily but i hear the plan for guardians of the galaxy 2 um is to lean on the star's charisma and make a movie that while ultimately not great is perfectly pleasant and it'll never work more groot yeah and more group plus more group That's just sort of, that's fanservice. Fans demand Groot.

I demand Groot. And Rocket. Was that the raccoon's name? It was the raccoon's name. Demand Groot and Rocket. We need to- I don't think they should be in it. Really?

They're off having another adventure somewhere. Just more Benicio Del Toro. Mumbling and having a weird monocle. Wait, Benicio Del Toro. Mumbling and having a weird monocle. Wait, Benicio Del Toro was in that? Yeah. He was the collector, right? Real briefly, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I remember that guy. Old Benicio. That was a pleasant movie. Sure. I had no problem with that movie. Yeah. Benicio Del Toro is a lot older than people think he is, right?

I think a long time ago. I think he's 90, so. Oh. Yeah. Well, then's 90, so. Oh. Yeah. Well, then that's the exception. Yeah. I think he coasted on seeming younger for a while, and then it caught up with him, and now people know he's 75.

One time my wife and I had that conversation about, like, well, if there was one celebrity, and she picked Benicio Del Toro. Really? And I was sort of like, tip of the hat. one celebrity and she picked Benicio Del Toro and I was sort of like, tip of the hat. That's a really good pick. I did not feel jealous about it. I was just like, yeah, that's cool. Benicio Del Toro.

He is much puffier. Yeah, that's true. He has puffed up a considerable amount. He was significantly less puffy at the time. Sure. But maybe your wife said, I don't mean to say that puffy can't be attractive. Some women are puffy chasers. Don't look at me when you say that.

My wife is super into werewolves. I should mention this. Oh, this was about the wolf man. Sure, yeah. And who was yours? I don't remember. Was it also Benicio Del Toro? Yeah.

Let's get Benicio Del Toro on the horn. I don't care how puffy he is. get Benicio Del Toro on the horn. Let's see, if this was around, like, who are the female hot stuffs around the time that Benicio Del Toro was the male hot stuff and not a... I mean, I guess, what, Scarlett Johansson? But she still is. Sure. She's kind of eternally hot.

Yeah, she's set a long run of being hot stuff. Super foxy lady. You know, she started when she was like 18, so. Sure. Anne Hathaway? No one thinks she's hot stuff, do they? Here's the thing.

Like, I'm so. I really, I am a big Anne Hathaway apologist. Oh, yeah? Yeah. But do you want to put your junk in her? Yes. Oh, please. Oh, okay.

I would love to. If you could make that happen. Are you saying you can? I feel like she'd like laugh really loudly the whole time. Not at you, but still. No, no, laugh really loudly the whole time. Not at you. No, no, at me. She would try really hard though. I bet she would too.

I bet. She'd really give it her all. Sure. Just like she did at the Oscars. She'd like shadow whoever else you're sleeping with to really get into the role. Do you guys feel like you frequently have the experience of watching a film or television show and like having a – obviously sort of abstract and silly – an interest in the people on screen sexually? Like you're like, man, I've got a crush on that person. I love when it happens but it's very infrequent these days.

And I don't know if that's just because I'm growing up or all of TV and film has gotten much less attractive. Yeah. You know, it doesn't happen with movies. I feel like if I spend a lot of time with a TV show, I will get kind of weirdly, like, upsettingly turned on by someone. But, yeah, it rarely happens over the course of a movie. We're specifically talking about Mad Men, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, sure.

Absolutely. Who do you have it bad for? Oh, I mean. Don. Yeah, Don. Yeah, exactly. The guy who has that beard now. Oh, who do you have it bad for? Oh, I mean... Don? Yeah, Don. Yeah, exactly. The guy who has that beard now. No, I mean, you know, obviously, you know, obviously, it's a very foxy cast altogether.

It really is, yeah. But, I mean, I think Christina Hendricks is the number one most attractive woman. There's no doubt that Christina Hendricks. Yeah. I mean, look, a bunch of good-looking people on the show. Sure. There's no doubt about that. They did a great. I mean, look, a bunch of good looking people on the show. Sure. There's no doubt about that. They did a great job rounding up some real good looking people.

Oh, yeah. For that program. But they really hit a home run with Christina Hendricks. Sure. Sure. Yeah. Oh, boy. Have you ever had her on?

I think she, does she do the rounds of podcasts? I've never. I think she has like a social media blackout. She's one of those I'm too classy for social media people, which is great. She also does not do NPR because we have tried to get her on my classy public radio program and failed. Who

doesn't do NPR? Christina Hendricks, apparently. Wow. She's concerned about her mystique. Jon Hamm only does podcasts, by the way. Yeah, right. I'm trying to get that guy on my NPR show for however many years Mad Men's been on. I think you just have to run into him at a Doug Loves movie.

Right, yeah. If you just hang around CineFamily long enough. Or run into Jon Hamm and you can just ask him. I've never run into him. Not that I hang out at CineFamily all the time, but it seems like if you stay here long enough, you should run into him. I've had several. He's always at Little Dom's.

Adam Scott, that's my handsome guy that I run into. Oh, yeah. God bless him. He's wonderful. Delightful guy. You know who the last person that I felt that movie star crush on was, though? And I'm upset to find out that I don't think I would enjoy him in real life. Maybe I would.

Hugh Grant in Notting Hill. Huh. I have a crush on Hugh Grant. I mean,. Huh. I have a crush on Hugh Grant. I mean, if you don't have a crush on Hugh Grant, you're barely human. Agreed. What makes you think – I mean, other than his famous prostitution scandal, what makes you think that you wouldn't like him? Or is that it? Is it just the cloud of that –

He doesn't have a reputation for being a prince of a guy. He doesn't. I think that he has a reputation for being one of Jon Stewart's least favorite guests on The Daily Show. Okay. He did not – apparently didn't – I don't know what it was. I don't know. He was on some kind of star trip, I guess. I don't know.

But I feel like I could tame him. I wouldn't be surprised if someone told me Hugh Grant doesn't bathe. I would be like, oh, yeah. That's probably true. So that's not product in his hair. Yeah. Fair enough. Just pure filth.

Film. Very early in dating Daniel, who I now am married to, he got this thing in his head. This is Daniel Striped Tiger. Is that correct? Yes. Yeah. From Mr. Rogers? I don't know.

Daniel Striped Tiger? Oh, sure. Yes, exactly. Yes. I was just going with it. But I love that reference. Thank you. There was also X, right?

The owl. Henrietta Pussycat. And Lady Elaine. Was that her name? Sure. Lady Elaine Fairchild. Yeah. And King Friday.

And King Friday. And Mr. McFeely, which is such a weird thing to name someone on a show for kids. Yeah. They probably couldn't do that now. What was all the- Mr. McFeely, by the way, was thing to name someone on a show for kids. Yeah. They probably couldn't do that now. What was all the – Mr. McFeely, by the way, was Mr. Rogers' brother-in-law. I didn't know that. Yeah.

I feel like we could sit here for 45 more hours and you'd have more and more Mr. Rogers factoids. We were talking about your husband, Daniel. Striped Tiger. Right. Right. So very early on in our relationship, he was convinced that I had it bad for Nick Kroll. And he began to get a little bit of a weirdness around Nick Kroll, who I think is hilarious.

And I think what happened is I had mentioned that Nick Kroll – I think Nick Kroll was really funny. But what he heard was Nick Kroll is my dream man and you aren't. Yeah. So I think suddenly he's it was very it was weird because it was the classic couple at a comedy show reaction. Sure. What is that. If the woman laughs the man turns into a seething pile of resentment and starts heckling. Yeah. Maybe. Although I don't think he ever turned on Nick Kroll. It would be he ever turned on Nick Kroll. It would be hard to turn on Nick Kroll. Yeah.

He's a charmer and he is legitimately hilarious. Right. He invented Febreze Febreze. Yeah. I think that, I mean, I feel like celebrity jealousy is not an effective use of emotions. I feel like, I feel like if you're dressed to ordinary jealousy,

sure. Exactly. Here's how normal jealousy can be beneficial. I feel like, you're – In contrast to ordinary jealousy. Sure. Hear me out. Exactly. Here's how normal jealousy can be beneficial. I feel like, you know, the – although, you know, I guess this is a little bit of a different situation because you could – you know, you do probably share mutual friends with Nick Kroll. And, you know, in a world you could run off with him or something, I guess. You know what? Nick Kroll's spoken for. He's dating Amy Poehler.

There you go. And certainly no one ever has any kind of sexual relationship with anyone they're not dating. Wait, are you saying I have a shot? Oh no. Yeah. But I feel like if you're significant and others getting turned on

by someone in TV and movies it just means you're going to get a good fucking. It just means you're about to really a good fucking. This means you're about to, you know, you're about to really get it. Really get it good. I feel like I now need to share something that's potentially unflattering about myself so that people don't think that my husband is a jealous person because he's really not. No, Daniel was like the greatest, nicest guy. Thank you.

Yes. I mean, he tolerates this beefcake coming into his house every once in a while to podcast. So he is clearly very secure in his manhood. Yeah. Sometimes I get confused. Is that Jordan or Chris Hemsworth? I'm actually Liam Hemsworth. I'm one of those. There's like three of those guys. Is there a third?

I think there's three Hemsworths. Perhaps more. Do they all exercise the same amount? I mean, I think you have to exercise the most if you're in a Marvel movie. That is the most jacked someone can be. Right. But I think they all exercise a lot, but I don't think they're that huge. They're juicing, right?

The Hemsworths? If you're in a Marvel movie and you're like one of the big guys. Sure. Like you're whatever. I know that Superman is a DC guy. But like if you're Superman or something. Something that we're – you're juicing, right? I don't know.

I wonder. It's that whole Taylor Lautner from that vampire, Twilight. Sure. That question. I think he's juicing. Yeah. He had to have been because he changed from like a little kid. Maybe there's also a little CGI in those situations because they're not walk around shirtless the whole movie.

Just a couple of scenes, a couple of shots. When they take their shirt off, they put the ping pong balls on. Yeah, exactly. And then Andy Serkis comes in and flexes. I bet. Yeah, I think that's I mean, I think that those guys are probably legitimately jacked. But I think that there's a little, there's probably a little movie magic there, too. Now, here's another

question. Sure. Do you think it's real or CGI when Scooby-Doo flexes his muscles and it starts to go up, but then it goes down? Oh, no, that's all Scoob. That's pure Scoob. Alan, what were you about to say

about yourself that was unflattering? The unflattering thing about me. You say yours and then we'll all go around and say something unflattering about ourselves. I would like to know if you guys do this in relationships as well. And now I'm married. But periodically I will find myself wanting to ask a bunch of questions about his ex-girlfriend. Because he was in a relationship for seven years that broke up a few years before he met me sure and every now and then i'm like what i mean not like what like how just i just find myself being like like the other night i was

like did you guys go out to eat a lot what do you usually eat for dinner because we were making dinner sure in our usual dinner routine you know and i was like what was your dinner routine with her and blah blah and that never goes anywhere good even though I don't intend for it to go somewhere bad. It just – I don't know why I periodically feel the need to find out about that. Interesting. Yeah. I mean part of it I think is wanting – this was a big part of his life and I love him so I want to know more about that. But I think that that is not the whole story probably.

Yeah. That is not the whole story probably. Yeah. I mean I feel like sometimes when I'm dating, something that I think sounds fun to me but I think is probably not fun to 90 percent of people. I feel the need to like – I feel like I want to have a conversation where we're like having a couple of drinks and then we talk about like an amazing sexual experience. And I feel like that is not something anybody wants to hear from someone they're dating. But something about it seems kind of fun to me. Like, I feel like when you talk about other dates, I mean, I feel like on, you know, on dates, there's always a portion where you talk about bad other dates or how bad someone was in the sack. I feel like I kind of want to

hear about a time when you really got railed. My wife and I have been together since we were 17-ish. And sometimes I'm just like, I want to ask her about those middle school boyfriends. What were they like? What were they like in the sack? You know? Right. How pubescent were they? Yeah. Currently pubescent. Yeah. Anyway, I feel like I aspire to be in a relationship that's so secure where you can just talk about like a really, you know, super off the chain sexual experience you had and like both laugh about it or, you know.

And for you, it's more that you want to hear it than that you want to share stuff. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I feel like it'll give you a little insight as to kind of what the person is into a little bit. So you can, you know, you can maybe take some notes. That should be something on dating websites. You know, it's like your interests.

Yeah, when's the time you really got railed? That'd be great. When's the hardest you ever got railed? Anyway. We'll be back in just a second. I'll join Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Let's talk about the Max Fund Drive. We have a goal of 2,000 new and upgrading donors in the Max Fund Drive. And this is basically how it works. You go to MaximumFund.org slash donate.

You click on whatever level you want to support the show. You type in your credit card information and whatnot. And you tell us what shows you listen to in the MaximumFund.org network. And then essentially what happens is that money then gets split evenly among those shows. It is a really simple, straightforward way of paying people for their work. It's something we are very proud of. And yeah, it's easy for you. Yeah, a lot of podcast networks fuck their hosts.

Yeah, I'm not going to name any names. No, it happens a lot. MaximumFun.org slash donate is the place to go. We have this goal of 2,000. And I think the 2,000, I'm hoping we can get there. I want to add a second goal on top of it. Are you comfortable with that, Jordan? Yeah, I'm comfortable with just about anything.

We're not going to have that conversation. Come on, tell me when you really got railed. Just when you fucking got, ah. It was after prom. Mm-hmm. 2,500. Okay. You can go 2,500 new and upgrading donors overall.

Any show. Mm-hmm. But I'm obviously, you know. Jordan and Jessica. Jordan and Jessica. Don't not, if you don't put Jordan and Jessica on there, that's fucked. Well, you're probably some kind of asshole. Yeah, you're some asshole. I'm not going to put you on blast. Yeah. Jordan and Jessica. Don't not. But if you don't put Jordan and Jessica on there, that's fucked. Well, you're probably some kind of asshole. Yeah, you're some asshole.

I'm not going to put you on blast. Yeah. But Jordan already just did. Yeah. Do you hate listening to this show? This isn't Nashville, okay? Yeah. It's a good program.

It's a quality. Don't listen to this just to goof on it. Yeah. Jordan is the Hayden Panateria podcast. Yeah. That doesn't make this Panateria podcast. Yeah. That doesn't make this Nashville. This isn't American Horror Story, people. Anyway, I'm the coach from Friday Night Lights, not his wife.

Do people hate watch Friday Night Lights? They like that show. But the woman from Nashville is the woman from Friday Night Lights. Oh. But you're Hayden Panateria, so that makes sense. Yeah. But it doesn't make sense. I don't know enough about Nashville.

Well, Coach Taylor isn't on Nashville. That's a point. He was on Friday Night Lights. I just know that people like to goof. All I know is that people like to goof on it. What's that woman who's the star of Nashville? Who's not Hayden Panettere? Connie Britton. Connie Britton. And Connie Britton's wonderful.

Probably a lot of talented people love Nashville, I'm sure. But I just know that it's – Why do you hate Nashville so much? I just know that people like to goof on it. People watch it to goof on it. I feel like – here's my concern. I feel like there's a lot of people out there who were going to MaximumFun.org slash donate. And they were thinking, man, you know what I love? Supporting

my favorite shows that I care so much about. Jordan, Jesse, I love them. I love Nashville, especially Hayden Panettere and Connie Britton. Then they heard you saying that they should only donate if they hate Nashville. Because that is what you said.

That's exactly your words. I didn't think it was what I said, but now I see that it was what I said. Yeah. And I'm sorry. Well, I wrote it on this whiteboard so you could see. No, thank you. Thank you for putting that. Because that is, I mean, it's right up there in an erasable pen.

Yeah. Probably nothing happened to it. Yeah. Yeah. I just want to. And that's a dry erase marker. Sure. That's not.

You don't have to spray special stuff on that to get it off. I just want to say that. Unless it sits there for too long. Oh, yeah. It's a good one. Sure, yeah. Then you're going to have to spray special stuff on that to get it off. I just want to say that – Unless it sits there for too long. Oh, yeah. Then you're sure. Yeah. Then you're going to want to use – you can use just a Windex for that. You don't need to buy a special solution.

You can just use Windex if you want to. The Johns. Yeah. Bonds. Gelsons. Andromacos. Pavilions. Safeway.

Publix. Pavilions. The Super King. Publix. The Piggly Wiggly. Jordan, you were saying? Costco. Price Club.

Smart. What? One of the super Walm Publix, the Piggly Wiggly. Jordan, you were saying? Costco, Price Club, Smart. What are the Super Walmarts? Oh, yeah. Listen, I'm sorry that I said that nasty stuff about Nashville. Right. I've never seen an episode. I've heard that people like to goof on it. Connie Briggs is a brilliant actress. I just want people to know that if you've never entered a pitch segment of a podcast before, and I know a lot of people haven't.

Right. So there's some people out here who are podcast professionals, but a lot are not. Right. It's a kind of fugue state. Right. And you don't know what's going on and you don't know what's coming out of your mouth. All you know is that periodically you involuntarily say MaximumFun.org slash donate. And Nashville sucks.

Yeah. These are the two things that come up a lot. It's like how people do ayahuasca and they either meet God or a specific kind of alien. So you think if we tune in to like throwing shade this week, Aaron and Brian are going to be talking about how people hate Nashville? I guarantee you. During the pledge break. They could.

It's an anything goes fugue state. That doesn't make sense to me. I mean, anything goes does make sense. One time in a pledge break, I really got railed. Sure. I love to talk about it. Was it the best time you've been railed? Oh, yeah. It was a pledge break. Nice. Nice. But

yeah, I don't know. I don't know if I'm buying that. I don't know if Ono, Ross, and Carrie are going to be talking about that. I mean, yeah, I don't know. I don't know if I'm buying that. I don't know if Ono, Ross, and Carrie are going to be talking about that. I mean, again, it's a podcast. You think the Bunker Buddies are going to be talking about that? Definitely. Do you think – how many of the shows in my podcast network that I own do you think I can name? 100%.

Oh, I mean – oh, 90%. Okay. Here's my challenge. And, Jordan, I'm putting you on blast here. You're getting involved. If we make it to 2,500 donors, you listening right now, you could be a part of this. We will buy a boat on Craigslist, paddle it into the middle of MacArthur Park Lake, and do a special donors-only episode from the middle of MacArthur Park Lake and do a special donors-only episode from the middle of MacArthur Park Lake.

This boat will not be checked out by any kind of nautical organization. This could be an unsafe boat. Not the Sea Scouts. Not the Sea Org. Not the Sea Org. That's exactly where I was headed. Definitely not them. I was trying to think of a second Sea Org, sea-related organization that I could say after I said C-SCAP before I said C-ORG.

I mean, we'll join the C-ORG if you don't know. I would love to join the C-ORG if anybody's out there. I think they would love you to join in this town. Yeah. God, I would love to sign any 1,000-year contract. Me too. Okay, so here's the deal. My philosophy on Scientology, Thetan ain't cheating.

I put that on Twitter this week. Here's some possible types of boat we might buy. Rowboat. Very large canoe. Dinghy. Catamaran. Steamer. Tugboat. Tug boat.

Tug boat. A tug. Crisscraft. A crisscraft. That's another good one. A poke boat. Cigarette boat. As advertised in the pages of the New Yorker.

Cigarette boat. Oh, let's get a cigarette boat like on Miami Vice. That would be great. Anyway, the point is we're going to go on Craigslist, buy a boat, put it, I don't know, I guess on top of my wife's car? Sure. You have a roof rack, right? I don't. Got stolen.

Oh, shoot. Okay. Yeah, we'll put it on top of my wife's car. It's got a roof rack. We'll tie it on with bungees. We'll take it to MacArthur Park Lake, a lake where you are not allowed to go in the lake in a boat, I don't think. We'll find out. Yeah.

And we'll bring a phone out there and we'll try and, you know, meerkat it or whatever. Sure. You know, that's like a streaming, internet streaming thing. We'll figure it out. I think it's going to be horrible. Yeah. Unsafe. I don't want to do it.

Mm-hmm. I'll probably get sunburned. Sure. I think that's the least of your worries. It's real gross out there. Yeah. Unsafe. I don't want to do it. Probably get sunburned. Sure. I think that's the least of your worries. It's real gross out there. Yeah. I don't like boats. I'm not a strong swimmer.

There's a lot of reasons why I don't want to do this. So I guess my point here is don't go to MaximumFun.org slash donate or we could meet our goal. I would go there anyway. Really? Yeah. It'll be fun. I think we'll learn a lot about ourselves. Yeah.

Anyway, people like you. They don't like me. Yeah. You're the Connie Britton of this operation. You're the Coach Taylor. That's true. I didn't watch Friday Night Lights either. I tried.

It was too sad. Every episode was super sad. The main problem with Friday Night Lights is like some parts are really good and some parts are just terrible. And you're just like, how did this terrible thing happen in this show that used to be really good like three episodes ago? It's a real mixed bag, Friday Night Lights. $5 a month, 50 plus hours of bonus content. $10 a month, you get a tote bag. All these inclusive.

All these inclusive. Tons of stuff. Tons of stuff. $20 a month, you get the bonus content, the tote bag, the in-flight power pack. $35 a month, you get the shot glasses, the power pack, the tote bag, the bonus content. $100 a month, you join the inner circle and you get all of the gifts $200 a month not only do you get something chosen for you every

month by a MaxFun talent you also get free registration for MaxFunCon 2016 but the real reason to support this show is because you like it and you want it to continue to exist and you think that we are you know worthwhile professionals who should get paid for our work.

Right? Yeah. Maximumfund.org slash donate. It's super easy. And, you know, get on the Twitters and the whatnots. Hashtag Max Fund Drive. Put a ribbon on your thing. Sure.

Goof around. Tie a yellow ribbon to the old oak tree. Because daddy's back in town. That's how that song goes. I think it goes, cause Gam Gam's back in town. That's it. That's it. That's it. I was singing the Buster Poindexter version.

You have any closing thoughts, Jordan? Yeah. No, please. Please go there. Donate. We'll do a fun show from a rowboat, a potentially unsafe show. And yeah, and we really appreciate it. It's very cool that people support the show because, you know, it's definitely the reason we do it is because people pay for it because we're definitely, you know, doing this show certainly doesn't help our careers.

Like it's not a benefit in any way other than that we know people love it. You don't see us hanging out with Maria Menounos. No way. So, yeah, no, it's definitely something we than that we know people love it. You don't see us hanging out with Maria Menounos. No way. So, yeah. No, it's definitely something we do because there's fans of it and basically, you know, I think that – Well, you guys can't stand each other to begin with. That's true. Yeah.

We actually – I do this remotely like Kevin and Bean. I take mine from an island in Seattle. The real reason that I need medical marijuana is because of the nausea. Sure. The waves of nausea that hit me anytime I have to be in a room with Jordan for more than three minutes. Right. Oh, I get it. I get it.

So yeah, I think that people for some reason think that people with podcasts get like TV deals and stuff. Some do. We certainly don't. Basically no one listens to this show. In the scheme of podcasting, this is an unpopular show very much questioning my decision to come here oh yeah no this is a huge waste of your time

you're basically talking to a law threeper and he already loves your show so yeah so yeah i mean we're not we're not doing this for any other reason other than there's fans it's not a it's not a uh we're not yeah it's not it's not we're not going for anything larger with this show other than having people like it. Rachel. Sure. There's another woman. Rachtacular. Rachtacular.

Yeah. So you got Lothreeper and Rachtacular. So that's pretty good. Great. I don't know if they follow me on Twitter. Because maybe Rachtacular is not on board yet. Right. I don't think she knows – or he, but probably she knows of me yet. Could be a he.

Yeah. Hard to say. Yeah, with those Reddit names. Yeah. Anyway. Maximumfun.org slash donate is where to go. Please just go and do it now. It's fun. It to say. Yeah, with those Reddit names. Yeah. Anyway. Maximumfun.org slash donate is where to go. Please just go and do it now. It's fun.

It's easy. We'll be very, very, very grateful to you. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Allison Rosen, ask me about getting railed. I don't mind if I do.

That's a section of Reddit, isn't it? Yeah. A-M-A-R. A-M-A-G-R. A-M-A-G-R, yeah. Ask me about getting railed. Slash R slash ask Allison Rosen about getting railed. Sure, yeah.

It has its own subreddit. Hey, we got a fourth voice in the studio here. Yeah. Last week on the program, for folks who weren't tuned in, we had one of the all-time great momentous occasions. Previously, we had been big fans of a man named Van who moved from Alabama to Colorado Springs, I want to say. Aspen, Colorado.

And we just found him to be a charmer. But then along the way, somehow, we sort of soured on him. But here's the good news. There's a new hero. There was a breach. A breach opened up, and a young man stepped into the breach. His name was Christian. It was and is Christian from Los Angeles.

I've heard of him. From Los Angeles is a hyphenated name. And his mother's name was from. Her surname was from. His father's name was Los Angeles. It's just tricky when he has kids. Yeah. His father's name was Los Angeles. It's just tricky when he has kids.

Yeah. Well, you know, if he marries, like, let's say he marries Sally. Not. Boston native. Then their kid, Rocket, Boston native from Los Angeles. Oh, that works, though. They're going to say, that means they live in Los Angeles. They're out of town at the moment. They're originally from Boston.

Boston native from Los Angeles? Yes. Well, yeah, that means they're in Boston currently, but they're from Los Angeles. By the way, one really fun thing that we like to do on our show is stuff you missed in high school. This is the word problem. Sure. I need to diagram this. Christian called in last week to share some wonderful news about his grandfather. Hi, Christian. Hey, how's it going?

Look, I don't want to be the guy who goes up to Bill Hader and says, hey, can I talk to Stefan? Sure. But I feel like it would be a waste of all of our time if we didn't have you tell us what you learned about your grandfather live, in person, just as a kind of, you know, the way that you would go see Roger Waters do the wall. Sure. You know, it's like a legendary, Sure. It's like a legendary, epical moment and you just want to be there once.

Oh, and do it in Stewie's voice too. I'll try. Christian, first of all, hi, Christian. Hey. Thank you for coming in. We put out the call, Christian, you're welcome to come in because we like you that much.

And then Christian was nice enough to come by. Yeah, I mean, I took off to school early just to get here. This guy is literally a school dropout. You're playing hooky. This guy threw his future away to be here with you. It was in the really bright future, so it was pretty cool. What kind of school are we talking about?

Aircraft maintenance? Yeah, aircraft maintenance, a lot of working on propellers. Sure, yeah. That's a key thing. Landing gear, missiles. I know about aircraft. Tray tables. So that's three or four different things about airplanes.

What kind of school are you in, Christian? I'm just in LACC, Los Angeles Community College. Los Angeles Community College. Los Angeles Community College. I've attended this university. Yeah. I took basketball class there. It was a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun.

By the way, taking a basketball class at a city college is a good way to get in touch with young people who care a lot more about basketball than you do. Sure. Anyway, they'll hate you. Right. a good way to get in touch with young people who care a lot more about basketball than you do. Anyway, they'll hate you. Right. Not fast enough. Christian, what did your grandfather recently tell you? Well, he didn't really tell me this. It's been there.

I've been like, there's been like inklings of it throughout my entire life. I should say that my grandpa, well, like anybody else's grandpa, I don't think you would expect them to say that their favorite genre movie is talking dog movies. I'm standing up and applauding. Now, how did it come up? Well, because ever since I was a kid, I could remember seeing a lot of DVDs. Not bootleg DVDs, I should say, because nobody... Like the kind you buy from a guy who has a blanket spread out in front of him. Exactly. Over by the metro station.

Yeah, exactly. The people that put blockbusters out of work. Yes, they're the ones who did it. The blanket DVD salesman. You know, that blanket DVD guy, you can also rent a Philips CD Interactive from him. Sure. You can rent a Sega Genesis. So, yeah, they basically are the ones that put them out of work.

Yeah. So, yeah, I would see a lot of those DVDs lying around. And, like, he watches a lot of Telemundo, Univision, and stuff like that. And from time to time they play talking dog movies. He would watch them. I don't know. Give us an example. Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

Oh, sure. That's probably. Are you sure that he doesn't just love George Lopez movies? Well, what other George Lopez movies are there? I think George Lopez was involved in Cheech Marin, I want to say, too. I don't know. I think every Latino in Hollywood was involved in some capacity. Every Latino in Hollywood below a certain level of dignity.

Sure. Like there's, you know, sure. Was Ava Mendez in it? No. She's very high dignity. Sure. The medium dignity. Was Charo in it?

No. That was because there was no Spaniards allowed oh sure yeah so um so you you does he have like a beverly so what about non non-latino themed talking dog movies like is there any incredible journey or like um well because if you told me he if if he just has Beverly Hills Chihuahua and then he has Stand and Deliver, then he has, well, he's just got Latino Hollywood's greatest hits. That's not that impressive. It's the specificity of Talking Dog. Yeah. What's that?

I don't know what the name of that movie is. I think it's called like Dogs vs. Cats or something like that. Sure. Where it's just about dogs versus cats, the revenge of Kitty Galore or whatever. Sure. Dogs versus cats, the revenge of Kitty Galore. Yeah.

It's that one I remember seeing, watching him see that a lot. That's the kind of thing, grandpas love that kind of movie. Sure. Most grandpas, I mean, most grandpas favorite movie is A Talking Cat,

question mark. A Talking Cat? You have not seen, he does not have a talking cat? No, it's a little too under the radar for him. Sure, yeah, yeah. He only likes mainstream talking dog movies. Yeah, not those indie art house.

Art house talking dog movies. If there's anything about, yeah, a talking cat, I mean, if I was to describe it, I would call it meditative. Man, you would not believe this talking dog movie that Guy Madden made last year. I mean, the cat talks, but it's about what he's not saying. There's this really incredible David

Cronenberg talking dog movie. It's sort of a part talking dog movie, part corpse fucking movie. Well, not fucking, but being aroused by. Sure. I saw Terrence Malick talking dog movie part corpse fucking movie? Well, not fucking, but being aroused by. Sure. I saw Terrence Malick talking dog movie. This is great.

At first I was trying to figure it out, you know? And then someone explained to me, that's where you're going wrong. Just take it in. Let it wash over you. You gotta just, sure. It's a really impressionistic. It's a tone poem. I think that's how you would describe those talking dog movies. Do you think that's how you would describe those talking dog movies. Do you think that's how your grandfather would describe?

Now, here's a question. Here's something that came up last week and came up on Reddit again. Do you think, Christian, that your grandfather, how do you think he feels about movies in which dogs feature a prominent and human-like role but do not speak, such as Air Bud Golden Receiver, in which Air Bud, the legendary basketball dog, takes up football. Because there's no rule against it. Blatant dogism to not give him a voice. But he doesn't talk. Only the little Air Buds. What are those called, the Air Budlings?

Air Buddies. Air Buddies. Air Buddies do talk, but apparently Air Buds. What are those called, the Air Budlings? Air Buddies. Air Buddies. Air Buddies do talk, but apparently Air Bud does not talk. I think he loves those, too. I mean, he loves dogs of all kinds. I mean, he's been owning dogs for a long time. They never talk to him, but he still loves them. What kind of dogs does he have right now?

Well, we all live together. I have a miniature Dachshund. He has a puppy-ish German shepherd. Does every member of your household have his or her own dog? Is that the point that you're making here? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Sounds like a pretty cool house. When you're born, they give you one just to have.

It's pretty cool. Maybe this one will talk. Yeah, the dog is your familiar. It's a very Game of Thrones-like world. Receive a wolfling at birth. I don't mean to presume anything about

who is and isn't still a part of your life, but what would you guess is your grandmother's favorite film genre? Ah, car movies, probably. She likes car movies. That's what grandmas love.

She's a weirdo. She's a weirdo, too. I don't think, I movies, probably. That's what grandmas love. She's a weirdo. She's a weirdo, too. I don't think, I mean, I like a car movie. No, but like, I mean, yeah. Like Herbie Fully Loaded? Oh, yes, yeah. I really like Herbie Fully Loaded. I just feel like she's a car movie.

Too Herbie, too loaded. Sequel. Yeah. I don't know, I feel like she's a car movie kind of gal because she's uh her the her dream car she can't even drive but her dream car is to get a one of those like a h2 kind of hummer i don't know why but yeah she just wants to feel a giant she's i'm five two she's shorter than me and she wants to feel like you know crushing the competition i guess the grandma competition.

Yeah, there's a grandma. There's a house near mine that is like the house that always has a seasonal display in its window. They'll have five teddy bears in honor of Flag Day. You know what I mean? Just a whole Arbor Day thing. Yeah. Like are just like, yeah, just a whole Arbor Day thing with, yeah. And outside is parked a Hummer H2 and the license plate says, hum this.

Who are you? Apparently it's Christian's grandmother. Yeah. She's cool. She's hardcore. Yeah, clearly. Do you think it's the same person that owns the Hummer and also has the bears? Or do you think it's like one of them's the kid? That's a good question. So you think it's like Christian has the H2? Yeah, that's what I

guess. But maybe I'm just being way too conventional. Yeah. I mean, I picture Christian more with like a sweet electric guitar. Yeah. But maybe Christian's brother has the Hummus. electric guitar. Yeah. But maybe Christian's brother has the hum this. Oh, okay. But do you think that Christian has ever

stood on top of the hummer shredding? Because that's sort of what I'm imagining. I want him to. Well, you would need a little amp or something. No, he would need

a huge amp. No, sure, yeah. Christian doesn't do anything small. Yeah. Okay, Christian. What's your favorite genre of movie?

Here's your choices. Okay. Submarine movie? heist movie fucked with Liam Neeson's family you fucked with Liam Neeson's family and the one that I forgot to mention last week and our friend Ben Harrison was very upset that I forgot to mention this con man movie oh con man movie I really like that one right there that's a really good one Spanish Prisoner Music Man Man. The Sting. Sure, I've never seen any of those, but they sound pretty cool. They're great. Solid movies. You haven't heard those?

There's trouble in River City. Yeah, I like comic movies. I also like You Fuck With The Wrong Guy kind of movies. One comes to mind is Kill Bill. That's actually more of a You Fucked With The Wrong Lady movie. Yeah. Because you fucked mind is Kill Bill. Kill Bill. That's actually more of a you fucked with the wrong lady movie. Yeah. Because you fucked with Uma Thurman.

Yeah. Which was a mistake. Technically, that's more of a karate guy making a sandwich movie. Yeah, sure. It all culminates in the scene where he's making a sandwich. Remember when he was making that sandwich? It's great. There's two moments in all of cinema that i admire more than any other one

is david carradine making that sandwich the other is in this movie the limey maybe you guys seen the limey have not the limey is a wonderful wonderful movie and uh peter fonda like a 60-ish year old peter fonda is standing in front of this mirror in his mansion he plays like a uh like a heyday of the music industry, former music executive. And he's talking to his like 22-year-old girlfriend. She's in the tub. And he's telling her about the 60s. And he's got

one of those little like, one of those little in-between teeth cleaners that looks like a bottle cleaner, you know? And he's going... Oh, that's acting. That's acting. He's late in his teeth. See, just imagining the scene as reenacted by you makes me never want to see it.

No offense. Well, you know, look. It's one of those gross mouth sounds. I guess I don't like art. It's probably the gross. The tale is to be told, not to be sold. Sure. Okay.

I'm not here to convince you. I'm no Tony. Okay? I'm not here to convince you. I'm no Tony Robbins. I'm not here to overcome objections. I'm here to say that it's a magical moment in cinema. The only other part that competes with it is also from that movie, and it's the part where they go out on the balcony. It's Terrence Stamp and Luis Guzman. And Terrence Stamp turns to Luis Guzman. They're looking out over the vista.

And Terrence Stamp goes, beautiful view, isn't it? And then Luis Guzman goes, yeah, you could see the ocean if you could see it. Yeah. Los Angeles. It's the dialogue that sells it. Christian, have you watched Talking Dog movies with him? Is this like a bonding activity that you guys have? No.

I mean, I don't think I've even watched the Talking Dog movie. Never? Why don't you love your family? Why don't you do research for your appearance here? Yeah. I should have, huh? I should have done some research. I should have at least seen Homeward Round.

Milo and Otis, maybe. Yeah, Milo and Otis. Turner and Hooch. I don't think Hooch talks. Doesn't matter. He does. He does movies where dogs do human-like things, even if they don't talk. We already established that, Jordan. Do you not even care what words are coming out of Christian's mouth?

I'm just saying we should define the genres. This guy dropped out of college to be here. Yeah. And you don't even care enough. This guy was going to become a nurse. Dude. This guy could have healed sick people. I'm just saying there's a difference between a Santa movie and a Christmas movie.

You know what he's going to become now? A stick-up kid. Oh, no. He's going to go straight into that medical marijuana dispensary by my house. You know what he's going to have in his hand? A knife. Yeah, you got it. Actually, offer those classes in LACC.

Stick-up classes. Stick-up did? Oh, okay, so you just would change majors. Yeah. Oh, yeah, sure. That would just require a little bit of paperwork. Okay, look, when something momentous happens to somebody other than Christian, but also in the future, anytime it happens to Christian, we have you call us at 206-984-4FUN.

We've got a couple calls on the line here. Let's hear the first one, Brian. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and possible guests. This is Will Farshay from Austin, Texas, calling with a momentous occasion. I just bought a new house, which is very exciting, but the most exciting part is that the house came with a free trampoline in the backyard. I just jumped on it, and it was great.

Hope y'all are doing well. Bye. He did have a trampoline-ish joy in his voice. Exactly. I was kind of wondering, what's making this man so – Home ownership, that's probably a thrilling day when you buy your first home. I wouldn't know. I rent.

Right. Thank you very much. Look, I got a mortgage to pay. Maximumfund.org slash donate but yeah that's great that's a nice bonus

always nice you buy a house you find out it's a tramp house yeah I'm guessing this is in the south too

this is actually trampolines this is very weird trampolines have been coming up on my show quite a bit a lot of trampolines and going down

exactly trampoline do you have a tramp chat theme song not yet you should but soon tramp chat there you go just auto tune that have you heard my show before because that is what every jingle sounds like yeah I'm a big fan

oh thank you so much anyway well then you know. A lot of trampolines in Utah. Oh, yeah. Is that tramp country? It really is. It really is, yeah. Most popular band there, Super Tramp.

Yeah. I don't know what it is, but apparently there's a lot of trampolines in Utah. I've heard good things about their stamps. Tramp stamp. Are you guys scared that trampolines, like you would ever get your foot stuck in those things? Oh, yeah. I've never got on one. It's a concern.

There's no doubt that I'm not getting on any fucking trampolines. It's a concern. I've never got on one just because I'm scared of that happening. I can barely not fall over from a standing position on terra firma. I'm not getting on that bouncy menace. My neighbors. The bouncy menace the my neighbors my bouncy menace the yellow turtle the new focus of journalism is the bouncy yeah uh my neighbors in my old house had one of those enormous giant trampolines and i couldn't see them jumping on

the trampoline but they would jump on it every morning at like seven and it was obscured behind a wall of bamboo uh but you would just hear this all right all right it's it's seriously sounded like an elephant fucking an elephant that's the best that i could use to describe i love that it's an elephant prostitute in this scenario well it's because it's in like a seedy motel okay right you know what i mean right because if two elephant that it's an elephant prostitute in this scenario. Well, it's because it's in a seedy motel. Okay, right. You know what I mean? Right, because it's not two elephants making love. No! Because then it would be sensuous. This is just...

He would be tending to the clitoris. Think how big that would be. Oh, it's huge. But for elephant, probably still hard to find. Yeah, that's a good point. But I mean, they're good with those trunks. I mean, if you can crack a peanut with that thing. Yeah, that's a good point. But, I mean, they're good with those trunks. I mean, if you can crack a peanut with that thing. Yeah, if you can peel a banana.

Yeah. If you can paint. Or shake hands. Let's take our next call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, guest. This is Lance in Cleveland with The Momentous Occasion. I was playing a little game with my eight-year-old daughter where we would type in a

Google image search, describe each other, and I did some classic dad monkey jokes, and then she typed in ugly man eating and showed that to me, and so I was going to get back to her, so I typed in the term human fart. I think I get like a personified fart person. And it turned out to be like a thermal imaging of an actual fart coming out of some butt cheeks. And we both had very sincere and I think equal laugh at the same thing. And it was like, we really bonded on that amazing image picture. The fart jokes, as we already knew, are universal.

Thank you. You're welcome. Boy, that's a game of Russian roulette with your kid, huh? Like, when is this going to turn into porn? Like, when am I?

Okay, sure, sure. Yeah. Yeah, it seems like anything you could type in or anything that an eight-year-old could think of is most likely to be a porn thing at some point down the road. Google image search is basically magical to children. It's something that I didn't have as a child. And my son walks up to me and says, Daddy, tell your phone to show me a picture of Buzz Lightyear in space with his friends. And I type in what he says,

and I find it every time. It's always Buzz Lightyear related. Sure. I should explain. Yeah, yeah. How long until your kids get their own phones? I don't know. 12?

Is that when they get them nowadays? I don't know. 12? Is that when they get them nowadays? I don't know. No, I think they just issued them at birth now. Show me Buzz Lightyear getting his balls stepped on. He loves it. He got real specific with me the other day. He wanted one. He asked for some specific.

I think it was Buzz Lightyear in space with his friends. And he goes, Daddy, he's not wearing his helmet in this picture. And I'm like, what? So now you should have said, Buzz Lightyear in space with his friends, and he's wearing his helmet. It got really intense. I get it. I mean, anyway, he's living with his grandparents now. Gam-gam.

Gam-gam. He's living with Meemaw and Pop-Pop. They've probably given him a phone. He's probably out there Snapchatting, finding thermal farts. By the way, I'm going to go look at that up immediately, aren't you? It's real funny. I've seen it. Oh, you have?

Yeah, it's great. How did you see it? Ah, you know. Hanging out with your daughter? Yeah, me and my daughter. It's like, let's look at a thermal fart. You know. Hanging out with your daughter. Yeah, me and my daughter. It's like, let's look at a thermal fart. I just, listen, I was Googling predator farts, okay?

It's an unrelated Google search. You just wanted to see what happens when a fox or a cheetah farts. Sure. I mean, the predator, the alien who hunts men for sport. Who has, sees. I guess I googled that phrase for a totally different reason

yeah well there's you gotta you gotta specify the thing is is like with predators it's silent so all you have

to go on is either a thermal image or you just figure out who smelled it um Christian

mm-hmm your I look I only gave you a few choices of types of movie before what what is the next generation's favorite genre of film uh vines probably instagram those videos you like vines and instagram i welcome the new era like it's like a guy in jordan's that jumps into a pool yeah Yeah, the Yass cat was pretty good. Yass cat is very good. That's pretty good. That's a genre, right? Because you got the six-second version, then you got the looped version.

Yeah, sure. It's just 10 hours. I don't know Yass cat. I feel so old. He's a cat that says Yass. He says Yass. Yass. Yass.

Yass. Are we hearing him? You're hearing it. Brian played. This is a cat? Yeah. The audience is not hearing him, but we hearing him? You're hearing it. Brian played. This is a cat? Yeah. The audience is not hearing him, but we are hearing Yas in our ears. Yas.

The audience is hearing him. Oh, the audience did hear that. Let's hear it again. You want a tree? Yas. How is that real? It's not. Well, it's someone.

Cats don't really talk. No, no. I'm going to be clear about that. It's not like in the movie. Yeah. I thought. You're thinking of some of your favorite films.

Yeah. I want the ground to open up and swallow me. I thought actually There is that Coen Brothers movie. I thought this cat meowed in a way

that sounded like yas. It's someone... If it's just someone doing a cat voice, I'm not impressed. It's real funny, though. It's really fuzzy cat. Oh.

It's a very fuzzy cat. And the cat's kind of going opening its mouth and that's when she goes, yas. All right, I'll give it a shot. It's real good. We are not underselling it at all. We're not overselling it. Everyone who's followed up with me on the internet about Yas Cat, you know, Jordan Jesse

Go listeners, it's all been to say thank you. Sure. No one is like, that didn't deliver. Despite the buildup. Lothreeper and Rachel Ator. Yeah. Rachel Ator, Lothreeper, Benny and the New York Jets. All these people are all about sending me an email thanking me for YosCat.

That and Babe Pig in the City. I never get negative feedback about those. Talking animals. By the way, Mad Max movie coming out from the director of Big Big in the City. Okay, Christian, it has been a joy to have you on the program. Thank you for taking the time to come by. I'm sorry that you had to miss organic chemistry to do it. But, you know, I think at the end of the day, people are better off without nurses because nurses, in a way, are just shitty doctors.

Really, they cockblock the doctors. Yeah. They do. Sure. Yeah, they do. That's a really good point, Allison. Because who doesn't want to fuck a nurse? Yeah.

You know? That's why I wanted to get into it. No, that's smart. For the tail. Sure. Yeah. Get in there for the tail. You got to get in there for the tail.

Absolutely. Because of sponge baths. Mm-hmm. Or the tail. Sure. Get in there for the tail. You've got to get in there for the tail. Absolutely. Because of sponge baths, right? Mm-hmm. Ooh, yeah. Would you like a sponge bath, old man? Applesauce delivery. Tray removal. Sure.

Catheterization. Mm-hmm. That actually is turning some people on, I'm sure. Yeah, that's a thing, I bet. Yeah. There's no doubt about that. Christian, it's been a pleasure to have you here. Thank you so much for taking the time.

Is there anything you want to plug? Are you doing a show at Largo? I get on Xbox Live. That's all I got. Please, give out your Xbox Live. Do you want to give out your gamer tag? Yeah, sure. Crazy Chris 1 is my gamer tag.

Crazy and Chris both spell with a K. Oh! That's how crazy I am, sure. Fuck it. Crazy Chris 1 is my gamer tag. Crazy and Chris both spell with a K. Oh! That's how crazy I am, dude. Crazy Chris 1 with a C and a CH were spoken for. Sure. Probably. Crazy Chris 1. What's your favorite game to play on there?

What should people be looking to play with you? I get on GTA. You know about that? That's it, pretty much. They got heists now. Yeah, they do know about that. That's it, pretty much. Nah. Pretty much it. Well, they got heists. They got heists now.

Yeah, they do have heists. That's pretty fun. Yeah, it's pretty good. Okay. But then you have to talk to people. It's the worst. Christian, a.k.a. Crazy Chris 1. It's been a pleasure to have you on the show.

It was great seeing you guys. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan, what's the point of detective? Allison Rosen, something clever. Allison, thank you so much for joining us on this week's program. Thank you so much for having me. This was really fun.

You know, it used to be that only Lothreeper listened to your show. Wait a minute. No, he only listens to our show. He's the only one who listens to our show. Yeah, lots of people listen to that only Lothreeper listened to your show. Wait a minute. No, he only listens to our show. He's the only one who listens to our show. Yeah, lots of people listen to Allison's show. Because she's for everyone. Sure. I tried B.

God, how do we get that special sauce? Down the middle. A little down the middle Rosen. Home run after home run. It's like batting practice with Rosen. Sure. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Yeah, I think that was a compliment. I mean, I think. It was intended as one. I think the suggestion is I'm bland, but pleasant. Let's tone it down, Jordan. Tone it down. What are we doing all this weird stuff about dog movies?

More relatable topics. We just did an entire segment where we interviewed a guy about his grandpa's favorite movie. That was a whole segment of our show. And describing a vine. Why are we talking to Maria Menounos? We should be. I mean, look, if you...

Oh, I just remembered. Maria Menounos called in when you were on my show. Yeah. I was on Allison's show. I was like, oh, sorry. Hold on one second. Maria Menounos is calling. Look, if you want some hints for how to be really popular,

here are some things that have worked well on my show. Lots of Trader Joe's talk. You already got that. Yeah, we got that. Yeah, we're doing it. Talk about what is and what isn't a sandwich. Okay. Talk about appropriate ways to shower, various variations.

Hot dogs aren't a sandwich. Some would argue they are, but only maniacs. They're only assholes. Yeah. Pedantic assholes who want to send you a flow chart. I wouldn't use the word pedantic. Really? Yeah, because not everyone knows what thatholes. Yeah. Pedantic assholes who want to send you a flow chart. I wouldn't use the word pedantic. Really? Yeah, because not everyone knows what that means.

Gotcha. We talk a lot about dogs on my show, actually. So I feel like, you know what? This is a good one. Okay. We'll send this to the awards committee at podcastawards.com. Yeah. There's no way we can lose.

Are you nominated for stuff? No. We've never been nominated for anything. Neither am I. And I had to say, I did peruse that list and I was like, well, there's just no justice. It's good. No justice, no peace. Sawbones is nominated this year.

Bullseye is nominated this year. Oh, all right. Look at you pretending to be one of us. Yeah, one of us not nominated. Right. One of those. It was an honor to not be nominated. I'm going to be pretty excited when I go to the ceremony, which is just going online to www.podcasterwords.com,

whenever it is that they announce it. It's going to be a lot of fun. Yeah, I mean, when I win, I probably will win. That's the right attitude. I'm going to send Jordan a quick email firing him. And then I'm going to hire a co-host who's an award winner like myself. Like probably what? Don and Drew.

Probably Don and Drew from the Don and Drew show. I'll be all set. Well, at least it won't catch you by surprise, Jordan. Yeah, no, it's nice that I know I have it coming. And then, you know, I can just start wandering. Anyway, Alison Rosen, it's been a joy to have you. Alison Rosen's show is Alison Rosen is Your New Best Friend. You listen to it, she will become your best friend.

Quick, fast, and in a hurry because she's a delightful young woman. Thank you. And it's MaxFunDrive time, so go to MaximumFun.org slash donate. Hashtag it MaxFunDrive. We've got to get to 2,500 shows, 2,500 new and upgrading donors. Jordan, I already came up with a hashtag. Okay. Well, originally it was just going to be hashtag boat show.

And I was worried there might be a boat show going on somewhere. Yeah, sure. And so it would mostly be tweets, I'm at the hashtag boat show. However, hashtag JJ boat show going on yeah sure and so it mostly be tweets i'm at the hashtag boat show however hashtag jj boat show jordan jesse can i make a suggestion no can i christian would you want to hear my suggestion are you nominated for a podcast award at all yes okay then yes yeah okay it's up there on the whiteboard i was nominated nominated for a podcast. Oh, look, it says that up there. I think you, there's, listen, I think with all the stuff surrounding Boat Party, I think people will be confused. Oh, will they?

Yeah. Because everyone asked me if I was going on the Boat Party. I was not going on the Boat Party. Right. It was, people were confused. They think it's something that it's not. Well, this is a boat show. What about?

It's a show on a boat. JJ Go Gross Lake. That way, you're not encroaching on a previously existing brand that you have. Hashtag leaky podcast. Hashtag JJ Go Gross Lake. Hashtag JJ Go Gross Lake. Okay. Yeah.

I'm fine with that. Hashtag JJ Go Gross Lake. Let's get to 2, I'm fine with that. Hashtag JJGoGrossLake. Let's get to 2,500. We'll check in at what we're at next time. You can go to MaximumFun.org. We're keeping a running tally, updating it on a daily basis. And, yeah, the look. Bottom line, we are really, really grateful to the people out there who support this show.

We are really, really grateful to the people out there who support this show. It means everything to us, including paying for my dog's recent surgery. And if you don't go to MaximumFun.org slash donate, she will never walk again. Since you already have the surgery? It's a continuous surgery that the doctor will decide how it comes out based on the pledge drive? That's part of how it's supposed to be. Okay. Yeah, right.

It's a two-week surgery. We got to stick in there. Sure. We got to buy all that Jolt Cola for the doctor. Yeah. By the way, I'm a millennial. Jolt. You guys remember that? It was in Hackers?

It was like two loco. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good point. Not four loco. It was a pre-loco. Yeah. Proto loco. Maximumfund.org slash donate. Jolt Cola was the proto loco. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good point. Not four loco. It was a pre-loco. Yeah. Proto-loco.

Maximumfund.org slash donate. Joel Kola was the proto-loco. Look, I'm going to switch appeals here. Brian Fernandez, a.k.a. Sunny D, is getting married to his beautiful fiancee, Lauren. She needs a dowry. He's trying to put this together for her because otherwise they won't be able to get married in the traditional village in which they live right you're a millennial exactly we're millennials

you know what I'm talking about Allison totally and if you don't support this we can't pay Brian's salary and he can't laugh in the background much less move up and down faders or be ready to play Yass Cat he was on it this week that's skilled labor.

Maximumfun.org. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, go. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.