Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 373: Flaser Marriage with Sam Riegel

Episode Date: April 20, 2015

Voice actor Sam Riegel joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion full of funny voices about Jordan's new husk-like state (Omega Jordan), efforts and reacts in videogame voice acting and the current state of radio commercials.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, the voice of the millennial generation. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Thrilling day today, Jordan. Yeah. Well, I feel like a husk. You feel like a husk? I feel like a husk.

Is that because you... It's been a thrilling day for me, but... You finally turned into a beautiful butterfly. Yeah, it's out there. I sent my discarded chrysalis here to tape the show. My butterfly is flying around. Is it because you're a snake and the seasons are changing? Yeah, I'm a very complicated being.

I have a complex metamorphosis cycle. Is it because you're making flour? No, well, here's what's going on. Okay. I've evolved. Right. I have a complex metamorphosis cycle. Is it because you're making flour? No. Well, here's what's going on. Okay. I've evolved. Right. I've undergone my change.

You're on the next level? My husk is here. Right. You know, co-hosting the show. Mm-hmm. My butterfly is out there granting some wishes. Oh, really? Oh, yeah.

What kind of, like, right now, like, let's say your butterfly, and your butterfly may be doing this. Let's say your butterfly is running a periscope feed right now. Oh, sure. Your butterfly is on meerkat right now. I notice at Next Level Jordan tweets that he's running his meerkat feed. It's Omega Jordan. Okay. That's what I call the butterfly that sprang from my chrysalis. Okay. That's what I call the butterfly that sprang from my chrysalis.

Okay. What do we see? What kind of wishes do we see? Well, here's... Is it a him? It's a... Pangendered? Yeah, it's a pangendered sexless star being that takes the form of a butterfly.

Right. I don't mean to get so technical on this. That takes the form of a butterfly. Right. I don't mean to get so technical on this. I should say that anything I can say about what the pansexual butterfly-shaped energy creature is doing. Hold on. Now, sex and gender are two different things. Is it both pansexual and pangendered, meaning it has all genders and all sexualities?

It has all sexualities, but it's got a big old dog. Gotcha. Gotcha. So I don't – a common misconception is that the human husk and the changed energy being have a psychic connection. That is not true. Oh, really? Yeah, common misconception. Okay.

Perpetuated by the lamestream media. Can I ask you to suppose? Mm-hmm. Let's say you were offering a suppository. Sure. What would that star butterfly be granting right now? I mean, it's a lot of minor things. It's not like new job or love of your life.

It's like someone's walking around. They're a little hungry. They're a little thirsty at the same time. Boom. They hit one of those guys who gives you a spicy fruit bag. Oh, God. The spicy fruit bags are great. Yeah, I had a spicy fruit bag today.

It was awesome. Okay, what about this? Yeah. The ultimate toothbrush. Like, you're at the drugstore. You can't figure out which one to buy. But then, dead center, because of the wish you just made, is the ultimate brush. Bendable head, medium bristles.

Yeah. So, yeah, it's just a lot of, like, you know, life convenience things. And, like, a super comfy grip. Yeah. But you can use it different ways because if you just, if you're just pounding that thing, you know, if you got holding it like a baseball bat, you can't get the precision you need. Oh, yeah.

No, I mean, you're preaching to the choir here. I like a nice, nice grip, bendable head, medium bristles. As a husk, do you think you're still going to need to brush your teeth? That's a great question. I mean, I'm new to being a husk, do you think you're still going to need to brush your teeth? That's a great question. I mean, I'm new to being a husk. It only happened this afternoon. Right. So, yeah, I mean, I've got a whole life ahead of me.

Let's say you were to offer us a pository about it. Sure. I would guess, yeah, probably oral hygiene, less important. Right. But, yeah, husk cleaning, that's a new challenge. It's satisfying. It can be satisfying. Whether or not It's satisfying. It can be satisfying. Whether or not you need it, it can be satisfying.

What do you mean? Just like brushing my teeth, even if it's not important, it's just kind of a ritual thing. It's a ritual. It's like how you know you're ready for the day, how you know you're ready for bed. Sure. You know what I mean? You know, cup of coffee. You wake up in the morning at a quarter to four, you brush your teeth.

You brush your teeth. You brush your teeth. Yeah, yeah, sure. You know what I'm talking about. Let's bring our guest into the program. He is a celebrated actor. He's the star of our colleague Lindsay Pavlis' favorite video game which is called Phoenix Wright Lawyer Simulation Game.

He plays Phoenix Wright, the star lawyer of the program. He's Spider-Man in something. When we met him before, I found out he's Spider-Man in something. Sam Riegel. Hey guys. Hi Sam. I was Spider-Man in something. What were you Spider-man in one of

the in one of the spider-man games based on the re-reboot no i guess it's just the reboot of the spider-man movie franchise the andrew garfield so you were having to to put the spin on spider-man that andrew garfield had put on it yeah it wasn't a voice match oh yeah i wasn't i wasn't doing an andrew garfield voice. I was just myself. Sure. But it was my take on Spider-Man. Listen, I'm not the first guy to be Spider-Man.

Yeah. I certainly won't be the last. But it was fun and I got to crawl around like an idiot. Did you crawl? I did the mocap. Really? Yeah. So you got to do Spidey motions?

Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah my first day on the job they put me when there was a ping pong ball on your dick yeah i mean i do that every day anyway but uh but this was professionally ball on your dick anyway it's got a nice grip it, yeah. But yeah, the first day on the job, they said, okay, so you spider walk into the scene on the ceiling, which we're going to shoot on the floor, and then flip it. And I was like, how does Spider-Man crawl? And they were like, well, how do you crawl? So I crawl. I had to figure out my Spider-Man crawl.

That's great that they gave you that much creative freedom. Yeah, exactly. There wasn't a crawling Bible? Nope. Did you have to get to make the thwip hands? I did. I did. I tried to put my own little spin on it.

Sure, yeah, yeah, exactly. You've got to sense memory where the button is. Well, you know more about this. Is there a button or is it just a mechanical thing with his finger? Oh, it depends on which spider-man we're talking about because they're space aliens spider-man that shot space alien juice sure and that was in like the late 80s is that venom well so okay let's talk spidey okay boy i can't believe here i can't believe we're sitting here explaining spider-man to Spider-Man. This is crazy. This is amazing. What is my life?

This is amazing. So Spider-Man, what's great about this is we have managed to steer me to the only area of comic book knowledge I offer, which is Spider-Man from when I was 8 to 12. Spider-Man went and got the black Spider-Man suit. It came to him, right? He got it in space. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He got it in space. During the Secret Wars.

Right. And then it started to turn evil. It's nefarious, yeah. So he went back to the other red Spider-Man suit. By the way, most black suits, not good. They're not good. They're evil in comic book world. Yeah, I think so.

I mean, it looks appealing, but it ultimately drives you mad with power. Yeah, yeah. You'd think comic book characters would stop putting on these black suits. Absolutely. Absolutely. On the other hand, not all black suits. Hashtag not all black suits. Sure.

Hashtag black suits matter. Right? Then Spider-Man got rid of that. I don't remember how that happened. Yeah. Something, something Todd McFarlane. And then- Spawn.

Spawn helped him. Spawn turned into- The black suit turned into Spawn. Yeah. It got on a creepy guy, a creepo. And the creepo was not as strong as Spider-Man and became- Yeah. Was more warped.

It's Eddie Brock, his rival at the newspaper. There you go. Eddie Brock, his newspaper rival the newspaper. There you go. Eddie Brock, his newspaper rival. That guy. I know. I know.

Not featured in the video game, but still. I'm interested in portraying that role. The Eddie Brock role? I'm making myself available. All right. Let the producers know. Would you mocap it? I would do the mocap.

I have a lot of strong feelings about what part of his hand Eddie Brock presses to shoot space goo. Yeah. Once they put the ping pong ball on your penis. Sure. Did they require you to get a boner?

Did they help you? They like a nice chub. Right. But not full. Not full because the computers aren't that advanced. That's 16-bit. Like, give us an 8-bit Chubb. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think the last person we talked to about video game voice work, et cetera, was Rob Corddry. Oh, yeah, years ago. One of our favorite guests. I remember the main thing that he talked about was effort. I was going to ask Sam about effort. It's all about the efforts. If you're going to do video game voices, it's all about the reacts, the efforts, the grunts, that sort of stuff. Efforts is like, that's like the noises that you make.

How would you describe what the efforts are? Well, you know, it's all the stuff, like the talking parts of the game and the cut scenes. You know, that's the story elements. But most of what you hear as you play a fighting game or a war game or a Spider-Man game, most of what you hear is all that bullshit. So that is mostly what you record in these video games. Now, are they really punching you? No.

No. No, but there's like a set. There's a set array of efforts that pretty much exist in every game, which is giving damage, getting damage, gasps, leaps and lands. In fact, could you guys we're on the radio here. Okay.

Jordan, could you give me a punching effort? Sure, sure. So this is I'm throwing a punch. You're throwing a punch. Just a light punch. You're a ninja. It's easy. Oh, sure. Yeah. Okay. And thank you for that. And thank you for creating that world for me. Yeah, I mean, it's not going to be like, ah, you're a professional fighter. I'm a professional.

Okay. And I'm really going to try and do this. I'm not going to try and put some jokey spin on it. I really want to, like, prove that I can do this. Sure, sure. That was great. Oh, thanks. I felt it.

I felt it. I felt powerful. Now, Sam, I feel like now it's our turn to throw this back at you. You're the professional. I want to hear the sound of you as Spider-Man getting a slightly disappointing birthday present. Not with words. Like, let's just hear an effort that gets that across. Uh.

Uh. I don't know. That was a good effort. That was a good effort. Because he was trying to be polite. Yeah, he was surprised, a little disappointed, but also vulnerable. Sure. And what's nice about that is- Oh, another David Sedaris book.

Yeah. They're great, but it's a lazy gift. Yeah. What's nice about it is if you just do a little pitch shifting. Yeah, sure. Like four different kinds of orgasm you can make. Absolutely. Yeah.

Yeah. Absolutely. That way you can only pay you the one day rate. You don't got to come in the next day for orgasms. Yeah. I mean, I'm making a Spider-Man video game right now. And I think I will use that sound for Venom's orgasm. Wait, what kind of game is this?

Are you making an unlicensed, erotic Spider-Man spinoff game starring Venom? Well, it stars Spider-Man and Venom. Oh, okay. So what you might call an erotic adventure. Okay. Yeah. S slash V. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. S slash V. Fan gaming. You know, that's fun. Is this going to be like a Flash thing that you can play on your desktop, or is this like a full console release? Well, full release. In which the characters experience full release. Full release console game.

If one of the characters puts on a black condom, does their wang become evil wang? A symbiote condom. Sure, from beyond the stars. Sam, you weren't in video games in the era of full motion video, were you? I've never done any full motion video. That would be great. No, it would have been. Is that back?

No, now the technology is so advanced that it's almost the same thing. No, but now the technology is so advanced that it's almost the same thing. MoCap is sort of fading away and now the new thing is like facial capture, performance capture. They can get your face in a video game. Yeah, no. I think they – there's Kevin Spacey in one of those Call of Duty games. Yeah, he's just doing his thing. I think it would be hard to capture my performance.

There's a certain ineffable quality. Yeah. I mean there's a miasma of... There's various miasmas that are hard. We did occasionally at midnight when we're kind of looking to put something together, we'll say like, hey... Job drop.

Sorry, guys. Whoops, did I drop something? Yeah, it's my awesome job on a fake game show. We'll call the research people and it's like, hey, we want to do something with water slide fails or just say your category and in a couple hours they send us a big packet of – Now, when you say the research people, you're talking about the reference desk of the New York Public Library? Yeah, yeah. It's mostly – it's a Dewey Decimal System type thing. It's mostly – it's a Dewey Decimal System type thing.

Are they all – do they all have that 50s glasses and they're all ladies who talk like this? Yeah, right, right. And they're a little persnickety, but they get the job done. Hello, Jordan. Speaking to my good ear. What kind of fails are you looking for today? I've got some lovely stripper holes that came out of the ceiling. Oh, I'm going to have to go deep in the stacks for that. Are you sure you just don't want some nice microfiche?

So we did something. What's Chris Hardwick really like? He's a great guy. Actually a nerd. We did something on those old full motion video games because people just upload those to YouTube because for some reason people want to watch

them oh I know well our friend Justin McElroy wrote from my brother my brother and me writes for Polygon the video game website did a whole series of write ups of full motion video games including the Wayne and Garth home video game. Whoa.

Wow. I have not heard or seen that. Which features otherwise unseen Wayne's World footage shot exclusively for the VHS game. Wow. Wow. Neat. So wait. And please, forgive me, but these were games that you could play on your VCR and fast forward.

There's multiple types of full motion games. So that was a VHS game where you fast forward back and forth depending on what you decide. There were also like CD-ROM games for systems like the Sega CD and the Philips CD Interactive. My own home 48633. Nice. My own home 48633 that featured cut scenes with tiny postage stamp sized full motion video often. And it was the worst. Those games were universally excreble.

And the best part is they would usually make these games in San Mateo or whatever, you know, one of these places where they make video games. And so when I was, uh, when I was in ninth, like ninth and 10th grade, which would be like 19, let's see, ninth grade, 1495, that was like the very end of the full motion video game era. And my theater teachers, I went to an arts high school. My theater teachers, like one of their main sources of income would be acting in cut scenes of full motion video video games. Wow. And sometimes, just like Edward James Olmos would be in it too. I was going to say the king of full motion video

games, the star that for some reason everyone could get or had a real love for these, Tim Curry. Tim Curry is in like ten of these. Man, that's a good get. And he's always pretty good, you know? He's always noticeably better than the other full motion video guys. He seems like he would never phone in a performance.

He definitely didn't. For a VCR game. I feel like Tim Curry would never phone in like an order at Starbucks. Like no matter what Tim Curry is doing, he's doing it full on, in costume, in full makeup. Yeah. So it really gave me a lot of like respect for him. In one sense, yes, it's very embarrassing that your resume has so many of these things on it and multiple different ones that don't even seem to be part of the same series.

But it really was a lesson in like give everything your best, you know? Yeah, but it was thrilling at the time. I mean I even just – I remember the first time my computer with its PC sound card, not even a sound blaster. With its PC sound card said words at me. I had a game called – I think it was Front Page Sports Football that had this. No, it was Monday Night Football. Monday Night Football, at the beginning, it had a copy protection. And through the PC speaker, it would go, can I have your security password?

And that was the most exciting thing in history to me. That this piece, can I have your security password? As like a, you know, CGA picture of a security guard would – yeah. Did it have a vocal problem that it needed one of those smoker's larynx talkers to speak? It did. It had a smoker's larynx talker. That's actually – I didn't know you were a doctor. Usually only people in the profession use the jargon.

I don't know names of anything. The smokers. I forget most things. Yeah, it was amazing. Yeah, I wonder what the thing we're most impressed by now is going to seem like the dumbest in 10 years. Yeah, I mean it's got to be one of those things where you dance around and your video game does something, right? I think, though, people were never really impressed with those. Oh, is that gone?

Yeah, it's gone. No, that's not gone. Yeah, I think it is. No, isn't Just Dance, isn't that a thing? Oh, you know what? People still do like Just Dance. You're right. And Just Dance is pretty amazing technology.

It is, absolutely. Speaking as someone who used to do the thing where you step on the arrows. Oh, Dance Dance Revolution. Step on the arrow. Oh, Dance Dance Revolution. Dance Dance Revolution. To lose the floor pad and move to just you and a camera is pretty outstanding technology. Yeah. It's still super stupid, though.

I mean, I definitely remember the Full Motion games. I think my first one was Sewer Shark for the Sega CD. Nice. You're a space pilot who is in the sewer for some reason, and you have to zoom around this sewer and blast these little nubbins that are on the wall. Oh, you've got to blast those nubbins. Evil nubbins. Poo nubbins? I think they're like creatures.

They may be made of poo. Well, if it's in the sewer, where else would it get the protein to form life? Yeah, I think their diet has to include at least some poo. Of course. It's a fecal society. Those cut scenes with James Earl Jones though are really... Yeah, he brings

a lot of gravitas to it. Space pilot passed those nubbins. The fate of the world rests on your ability to destroy nubbins. And I remember, you know, just playing it and going,

oh my God, I'm in a thing. Oh, this is terrible. And that process took about, I don't know, a day. And I think that has been people's relationship with your connects, your moves. It's been like, oh, my God, I'm doing it. Nah, this isn't that good. But I will acknowledge that I think Just Dance has a little cult around it. And I think that they will probably keep making those games.

I had a really nice time playing Wii Tennis at my grandfather-in-law's funeral. Ooh. Sounds like an inappropriate funeral. Well, I sort of wandered off. Yeah, yeah. At a certain point. Not during the service. To be fair, it was at an arcade.

You guys got pizza, salad bar for the grown-ups. It was at a Chuck E. Cheese. Yeah. Ashes to ashes, dust to insert corn. Oh, man, I got to finish this. I got to finish the sermon. That's how they get you, though. That's how they get you.

Where was the, it was at the wake? It was held in a, so the service was held in a chapel at the old folks' home. And then at the end of it, there was a wake of reception and everybody was getting together and talking to everybody. I did that for a long time. And then me and my brother-in-law were wandering around.

Looking for ways to honor his life. Sure. Exactly. What can we do to really remember him? And we found a common room with Wii Tennis in it and we just played the shit out of that. Because that pays a significant honorable homage. And we found a common room with Wii Tennis in it, and we just played the shit out of that.

Because that pays a significant honorable homage to the man. Yeah. But I would enjoy— I mean, your grandpa invented the Power Pad, which I think was the technology that led to the Wii. Yeah. That's actually not true, Jordan. But he was a Power Glove. Oh, right.

John Power Glove. My wife is one quarter power glove. So your kids automatically are. Yeah. They should put that on their college application. That's right, yeah. It's like being an Eskimo. Yeah, yeah.

It means they get automatic Canadian citizenship. Oh, huh. Weirdly. It's an odd. It's called the right of return. So, yeah. Free trip to Israel for some reason? Are there any other?

I mean, what about those headsets? I put on one of those things. What headsets? You know what I'm talking about. You mean the 3D virtual reality thing? Yeah, that thing. I put that on at South by Southwest Interactive a year ago, and I played Paperboy, which was about as good as regular Paperboy. Were you from the perspective of the Paperboy?

I was on a stationary bicycle, pedaling this stationary bicycle, and basically doing Z Kyle's, trying to throw the newspaper left and right. And someone was videotaping for blackmail? And someone was videotaping on the outside. Yeah. No. For public consumption. Someone was videotaping me do this.

Yeah. It was one of the worst moments of my life. This is an Oculus Rift you're talking about? That's what I'm talking about. That's the thing. It gave me a headache. Yeah. Those give people motion sickness.

Yeah. I tried to try one too and was very, very sick afterwards. I was told that there's a new version that makes you less nauseous. You know, our friend Adam. Now with added nausea. You're like, oh, no, I want to barf. Our friend Adam Lissagor, formerly of the Smash 8 Comedy Podcast, You Look Nice Today. Now he's like shooting things for Oculus Rift somehow.

I don't understand how it works. shooting things for Oculus Rift somehow. I don't understand how it works. He told me it's really fun to watch a movie on Oculus Rift because you can make it seem like you're inside a movie theater watching it. But you could just go to a movie theater. Movie theaters exist. Much less barfing. Movie theaters exist.

Yeah, but I mean you could watch the next couple episodes of Game of Thrones that leaked. Oh, sure. You know, here is my theory about Oculus Rift. I think that anything that involves a specific piece of complicated hardware probably will not catch on. I think video games are easy because you hook them up to your TV, which you already have, and you don't need a third thing. I think, you know, like Guitar Hero hung around for a long time. Rock Band hung around. Yeah, but the Duck Hunt gun and whatever, the gyroscope.

Oh, gyromite. Yeah, Rob the Video Robot. That stuff doesn't exist. Jordan had Rob the Video Robot. Of course he did. And I got burned by his spinning metal discs, which got very hot very quick. Two levels into that game, those things are easily over 100 degrees. So, yeah, I think that it'll probably be something that'll come out.

Early adoptee people will get it and say it's the coolest thing ever, but then it'll just go under beds. Really? Yeah. I may be eating my words in five years when we're all got helmets on. Yeah, can I make a wager on that? Okay, guys. I'll see you back here in 2020. If we're all wearing Oculus Rifts, I owe you guys a TGI Fridays gift card.

Can I suggest something? Yeah. Five years from now. Okay. We all meet up back here. Sure, sure. And if we're not wearing Oculus Rifts, we get married. Yay.

Inside an Oculus Rift gay marriage church. Yeah. Doesn't count if it's an Oculus Rift. Do you think triple marriages will be illegal by then? They've got to be. In five years from now, everything's going to be legal. Yeah. We're going to be spending space bucks to drink hologram drinks.

It's going to be amazing. I can't wait. How many laser bucks are there? You're married now. Yeah, now you're married. That was an example of a laser marriage. Oh, that's nice. That's a good one.

Thank you. Thank you very much. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go. Oh, that's nice. That's a good one. Do you think it's okay to finish someone else's food? Do you have a fight with your friend over whether or not he should wear his Phillies garb to a Colorado Rockies game? Does your wife want to keep a chamber pot in her art studio? If so, please do not write in to Judge John Hodgman. I heard all those cases already. Judge John Hodgman is the show where I, John Hodgman, adjudicate disputes between real people calling in over the internet and I tell them who is right and who is wrong over such

important issues as is a machine gun a robot and is it okay to go through the garbage at the Canadian House of Pizza and Garbage. Bailiff Jesse Thorne rounds out the cast for a fun-filled podcast of judgment and justice. Kind of two of the same thing, actually. Judge John Hodgman, take a listen if you do not mind. I order it. Come visit the courtroom. It is open to all and located at MaximumFun.org. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Sam Riegel, Oculus Rift. I don't think you are an Oculus Rift, Sam.

No, no, I'm not. I think you are the – I mean we're talking about nicknames. Usually people just come up with some goofy stuff, some nonsense, maybe like something from their childhood. You, I think, are in a very unique position in that you are our first guest who could respectively say Sam Riegel, Spider-Man, and fucking mean it. And that fucking means, I don't know, I think own it. I don't want to place that on you, but if we want to take this again. Yeah, we should take it again. I think you should own it.

We should take it again. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Sam Riegel, I'm fucking Spider-Man. Yeah. It's true. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Sam Riegel. I'm fucking Spider-Man. Yeah. It's true.

Although, I have to say, our colleague Lindsay Pavlis was in here. She was excited about Phoenix Wright. People love lawyer games. Kids are going nuts for them. People love Phoenix Wright. It's a big cult thing. I mean, I do get it. I was going to say I don't get it. I do get it.

It's a really fun game. It's a puzzle game. It's all about logic and these interrogations and stuff. He's trying to find the flaws in people's logic and stuff. It's a good game. It's a good game. You just went in there and you were like,

Objection, Your Honor. I had literally six lines. Objection! Hold it! That's it. That was great. Case closed! Sam, can you do this thing where you get a line. Let's say you get issued your sides. Yeah, got my sides. Somebody issues you your sides.

Yeah, just you wake up in the morning, brush your teeth. Get issued your sides. You brush your teeth. Sure. Check the fax machine. They're coming through on the wire. You get your sides. You go step up to that microphone.

Let's say your line is, objection, your honor. Sure. Let's just say. Yeah, yeah. Let's suppository for a minute. Let us suppository. You say, and you go up and you give us a take of objection, your honor. Well, it depends on the context, obviously.

Okay. But. The context is the opposing lawyer has said something to which you object. Oh, I see. I see. It's like a courtroom situation. I meant

for my character. But yeah, so you could... Objection, Your Honor. I went southern lawyer. Sure, yeah. That's a fun genre. Yeah, I figure most of them are. Yeah, yeah. Most lawyers who object are portly southern lawyers. Sure, yeah. That's a fun genre. Yeah, I figure most of them are. Yeah, yeah. Most lawyers who object are portly southern lawyers. Sure, yeah.

And they're dabbing their forehead. Yeah, there's sweat. It's a sweaty thing. There's lots of ceiling fans. Can you also, like if I said, do that happier, could you do it? Sure. Yeah, that could be done. Do it again, but with more attitude.

Happier and with more toot. Give me a happier and more toot. Are you a director or are you just some guy on the street? I'm a guy on the street who's hired you to star in his video game. Based on you got a good video gamey look. He's got a face for games. You were just lounging by a pool at the Hollywood Hilton. Sure. I am a talent agent.

I hired you to be in my video game. Sure, sure. Because I thought you were a beautiful boy. You know absolutely how Hollywood works. Yeah. Talent agents. Good, I do. Well, okay.

Sorry. A quick correction. I'm a talent agent. Sure. You're lounging by the pool at the Hollywood Hilton. I'm with you. This tracks. You're a talent agent. Sure. You're lounging by the pool at the Hollywood Hilton. I'm with you. This tracks. You're a young mechanic.

Okay. Go ahead. So, objection, Your Honor, but you've got to give it happy, but with a toad. Happy with toad? Yeah. Oh, man. Objection, Your Honor. That was pretty solid.

That was good. That was good. Happy, but sort of like an edgy stoner guy? Sure. I don't know. This is why he's a professional, Jordan. He can take our notes and work them like this. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Have you ever auditioned for a voiceover thing?

You auditioned for a Marmaduke that one time. Oh yeah, I auditioned to be Marmaduke in the Marmaduke movie, and they gave it to Owen Wilson. I feel like you were probably pretty close on that. I think I probably did alright. I don't still have my audition tape, and they gave it to Owen Wilson. I feel like you were probably pretty close on that. I think I probably did all right. I don't still have my audition tape, but I bet it was pretty good. You keep it on a tape?

Yeah, right. That's maybe why I did it, because I sent it to him on a reel-to-reel. We have a kind listener who worked in the Comedy Central promo department, and he would cut promos, and he got me a job as the voice of Comedy Central's Super Late Fun Time. Oh, wow. That's a great gig. Which was great. would cut promos and he got me a job as the voice of comedy central super late fun time oh wow that's a great gig which was great i mean it was only one session but i could got checks miscellaneous checks for 200 for like several quarters amazing amazing so that was great and he got me an audition

to be the voice of comedy central this is before our friend kyle canane got the job sure and i realized like i went into that i read the script in the way that it sounded in my head. They asked me to do it differently. I realized I was incapable of doing it differently. I've hit my limit. Yeah. I was like, I think I gave you a take of that already, guys. I could do it louder.

That's where I was at. I could put on a different shirt. Do you want me to do, like, an accent? I'll do an accent. I? I'll do an accent. I think I can do an accent. Transylvania vampire? Yeah, but at one point they were like, can you do it less announcer-y? And I'm like, I don't think so.

I think that's how I talk. I think that's my natural. I think that's the gift that God gave me. That's the thing that everyone wants now is less announcer-y, more casual reads. It's like you're talking to your friend, just having to be sharing a beer. Hey, you want to fly Delta? Cool, dude. Yeah, totally. The copy hasn't changed. Yeah, it was less announcer-y, more casual reads. Like you're talking to your friend, just having to be sharing a beer. Hey, you want to fly Delta? Cool, dude. Yeah, totally.

The copy hasn't changed. Yeah, yeah. It's still, you know, DirecTV now for only $14.99 a month. But they want to just chill. They want DirecTV now only $14.99 a month. They want to give it some toot. Yeah. Like, DirecTV.

Get it now for $14.99 a month. That was good toot. That was good toot. That was a good toot. I, gosh, the thought went out of my head. Sorry, guys. Yeah, that's okay. I had a great thought in my head, and then when I was giving you guys that sassy toot. You know what?

Here it is. I got it back. I got it back. I have, I'm not trying to brag, but I spent the $140 and got myself MLB.tv this season. Nice. I can watch any out-of-market baseball game anytime I want to. On your phone, on your iPad, on your TV. Across media.

Atlanta? Kansas City? You got it. Maine? Sure. The Maine sluggers. The Maine lakes. The Maine crabbers. I have been listening to Giants games. I'm a San Francisco Giants fan. I've been listening to Giants games. I'm a San Francisco Giants fan.

I've been listening to Giants games on KNBR 68, the sports leader, and their flagship station. And I have not listened to commercial radio at all in 12 years, I would say, roughly. Because the only thing I really listened to on commercial radio was baseball games. And they're not, you know, I don't want to listen to Dodgers games because I hate the Dodgers. So it's been a long time since I've listened regularly. And the thing that impresses me is the astonishing range of capabilities of the talent in radio commercials. Sometimes a person will be in a radio commercial and do a great job.

I'd put that at one in four. Sure, sure. And then there are those ads which have been recorded either by the host of the program you just saw or were listening to or clearly someone who just kind of hangs out at the radio station.

Yep. Yeah, yeah. And their acting, quote unquote, is noticeably bad. It is amazing when there's two groups of truly spectacularly awful ones. And I'm totally leaving aside, you know, Shane from The Shane Company and, you know, like his read of diamonds and we want to put your diamonds in you or whatever. Like that's understanding when it's like the owner

of the company or something. Wait, wait, is that their slogan? We want to put our diamonds in you? Yeah. That sounds revolting. Open wide and take our diamonds. Yeah, our diamonds, your prostate,

let's do this. Sure, yeah. Bite down, here come the diamonds. So like that. Sure, yeah. Bite down. Here come the diamonds. So, like, that has a certain charm. You know what I mean? If Noah from Noah's Arcade is doing the voiceover for your... It has a certain...

It's forgivable. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. It's understandable. We've seen that. It's a permutation of, you know, Crazy Joe's big screen TVs. Who Man Hyundai is a favorite one of mine that plays around. Have you guys seen Who Man Hyundai?

No, I haven't seen it. They're a treat. Most of the ones that are hosted by local radio talent, they may not get the tone right, but at least they have a professional sounding delivery. Sure, sure. So they're fine. They're not slurring their words. Yeah, it might be like

hey guys, it's me, Rennell, for Jim's Mortuary Warehouse. You know, and you're like tone's off. The tone is off. But that's fine. You know, it could be worse. But the really bad categories, there are two really bad categories. One is

professional athletes. Because it's clear that, you know, like no – rarely is an athlete spokesman in a television commercial visibly horrible at it. They cover up for their ability or lack thereof pretty effectively on a TV commercial. Like there's some variance between those who do a better job and those who do a worse job. But mostly they do fine. Yeah, they're set up to succeed. Right. It's 30 seconds and they shot all day.

And there was 17 people on set whose job it was to make sure that they had enough good footage of whatever, Kevin Love saying that Shane Company diamonds are a slam dunk. Up your rectum. Yeah. Shane, just don't do that. Don't do that part at the end. That's not in the script. You're just saying that. But on the radio, it's clear that what they do is just the athlete, let's say it's the Giants,

Tim Linscombe goes to the Hyundai dealership. Sure. As they're giving him the keys to his free Hyundai they're holding a microphone up to his face and he goes hey guys it's me Tim Linscombe for Richmond Hyundai

come get a Hyundai free or pay for it I got mine free from Hyundai Richmond that is one special category. The other is the ones where it involves acting. Not just announcing, but it's a scenario. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which are sometimes the most appealing types of ads.

Because it tells a little story. It tells a little story. It gives you a little skit. Takes you on a journey. A little skit. But sometimes the actors are so horrible. Yeah. Where do these people come from?

I mean, something you'll hear a lot on like modern rock radio is an ad for a tattoo parlor. And it is clearly done by the people who work at the tattoo parlor. But not even saying like, hey, you know, hey, this is Spike. Come get tattooed by me. It's just someone going like, come on down to Huntington Tattoo. You can hear the buzzing of the needles in the background. Right, yeah. You can hear the

bong being packed below the mic. I feel like there are radio advertisements for big national brands where the actors are notably horrible. It'll be like a mom and she goes like, where can I get a filet of fish? And they're like, can't there just be someone that like underlines the word she's supposed

to emphasize? Nope. Bare minimum? Nope. I bet. I bet that there is so much grandfathering in in that business. Oh, God. I bet that there is so much grandfathering in in that business. And it is so on its way out that I bet the fuck it quotient in radio ad making is probably higher than the guy who runs the LaserDisc factory.

How do you think Regal got Spider-Man? It's that grandfathering in. Yeah, I was just – His grandfather was Spider-Man and his father before him. A long line of Spider-Mans. But yeah, I mean I bet you – I mean it seems like at a certain point – there was a certain point in video games where it was just fuck it. And I know there's a lot of bad voice acting in video games. Oh, of course. It's getting better.

Yeah. On the long arc of games, it's much, much, much better. Sure. It has improved so much in the past five years. But radio ads not – games but it seems like better yeah it's on the long arc of games it's it's much much much sure it has improved so much in the past you know five years but radio ads not not but yeah i think that that maybe maybe the the more popular technology is getting better and the less popular technology but how are the public demand a stronger radio acting uh yeah repertory i mean there's not really a a clamor and cry from the public. Sure.

Your radio ads are shite. I will not try the Jack in the Box thick burger, buttery thick burger until somebody sells it appropriately. What proportion of video games, Sam, you've worked on a variety of video games. I have. What proportion of video games is the person in charge of directing the voice talent?

Yes. A person with expertise in narrative entertainment and voice talent directing? Half. Yeah. So I was going to say, what proportion is it just whatever guy was around at the video game studio? I mean, you'll either get someone who really knows the game because they were one of the designers. They know the ins and outs of how the level works. But they have never spoken to an actor before in their life and can't convey anything other than, oh, do it again?

So that happens. And at least you know where your voice will be fitting in the game because they can tell you the backstory of what happened on the previous level and what's going to happen if blah, blah, blah clicks, blah, blah, blah. But then the other half is someone who really knows how to work with actors but then also sometimes doesn't know anything about the game. So you'll get a line. You'll get a line out of context and it just says, you know, like, hey, can you give me a hand with this? That could be under heavy gunfire. Sure. It could be sarcastic. It could just be a casual.

Someone needs help opening a jar. It could be a porn. Who knows? Who knows? Zipping their fly. Right. And so inevitably we get asked to do it. Yeah.

Let's just get one every way. As if this was a joke. As if this was desperate. Sarcastic. We'll get one straight down the middle. Just flat. Flat as a pancake. And then one, let's say your arm got blown off and you're in heavy critical condition as you scream it out.

Yeah. Sure. Any scenario you can come up with. That would lead to, I mean, I think that is the thing that happens a lot when you watch video games. There is that disconnect of what is happening versus how the person is delivering it. Yes, yes. Or if it's a line that – you don't know the line that has just preceded yours because a lot of times video game script, it's just your lines.

Well, especially because it's so nonlinear. Exactly. And these scripts can be 70,000 words – lines long. You've got to say the name of every Major League Baseball player. You've got to say the name of every Major League Baseball player. You've got to say the name of every Major League Baseball player. So you don't know what you're responding to. So when you go to play the game, the question is, hey, can you give me a hand over here?

And the response is, yeah, sure. Sure. Sure, here you go. Is there ever a situation where they do pair the guy who knows about the game with the person who can talk to actors or is that something they – No, no, no. That definitely exists and it's becoming more and more of a thing. It's – quality matters.

When they're doing that, do they ever hold hands? It would be cool. They – yes. Five years from now, they'll be laser married. It's like a physical representation. Well, not if Hillary Clinton gets her way, right? Sorry, guys. I don't want to get on my – Get political. I know she's against laser marriage.

Jordan, come on. Let's go. It's a slippery slope, though. That's true. I mean, I'm for laser marriage, but I'm not for comet marriage. I think that's against God. How would you feel if a laser married a taser? I mean, yeah. Sexuality's a

continuum. What if they both married a flazer? That's not a thing, so I'm against it. I'm against it. Because I don't think made-up words should be married. Even if they rhyme with blazer and taser? Especially not. Okay. That's what I'm most prejudiced against.

Oh, really? Yeah. I have a very weird set of beliefs. Are you going to speak to some stuff in Deuteronomy about phlasers? No, Jesse, in Dianetics. Have you not read Dianetics? I give you a copy every year on your birthday in hopes that you'll read Dianetics. Dianetics, the real life science of phlasers.

That's why you're so stressed out and being so suppressive. Right, you've got to get rid of those phlasers. You've got to get rid of those phlasers. You've got to get rid of those phlasers. Your head is swimming with phlasers. You've got to go clear. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Brian, spring is sprung. Spring is sprung, which means Throwing Shade is here.

We are. It's here every season. We've been here every season, but now we're here again. If you don't know what we do, we take a look at lady issues and gay issues, and we treat them with much less respect than they deserve, and we do it every week. It's politics. It's comedy. It's absurdity.

It's a lot of hairstyles. Oh, so many hairstyles. Absolutely. Just in your head, picture people with a bunch of wigs on, talking smack, and smoking dope. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Sam Riegel.

Hold it. That's good. That's my Phoenix. That's a good ace attorney. Yeah, thank you. Who's Phoenix Wright's rival? Some other guy. Apollo.

Oh, no. Anton. Yeah. Apollo Creed. Apollo Creed, yeah. Something like, anyway, no. Anton. Yeah. Apollo Creed. Apollo Creed, yeah. Apollo – Something like – anyway, that's okay. I was wondering if that's a different – I don't know.

I don't know if you've met the guy who plays his rival. Of course. See, the thing is I have children, so I don't play games. Sure. I never play any of the games that I'm in. I don't know anything about them. When I go to these conventions, sometimes you go to these conventions and they ask you questions about the games. A con, they would call it.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, okay. I know the lingo. Yeah, they ask you a question about the games you're in. I have a cheat sheet that I bring with me. Oh, nice, nice. Yeah, with little notes on like what the voice sounded like because they often ask you to do like to, hey, will you say my friend's name? Yeah, do my outgoing voicemail.

Whatever, and I have no idea. Do they ever say is phoenix right here can we talk and you turn around and you put on a hat in james lipton style yeah usually james lipton is usually james lipton's at those cons right yeah moderates a lot of panels yeah yeah. When you're at the pearly gates. You know, it's funny you mentioned it. Sam and I, we did a con together. It was my first. That's right.

It was my first panel-y thing. We did WonderCon for this web series we did. Yes, yes. With Geek and Sundry. And it was the two of us. And Felicia Day. And Felicia Day. And when the Q&A period came, all people wanted to know about was Felicia Day's impressions of the two guys on Supernatural.

I remember feeling just like I could not be more superfluous. Oh, yeah. And from what I remember, we were seated sort of way on the other side of the panel table. Yeah. So there was a physical distance between us and an emotional distance. And a status distance. Like they were there for her and then these two ugly guys were on stage with her. Sure.

It was amazing. Who had no connection to the guys from Supernatural. Nope. Nope. But we chimed in a lot. I think we did a great job. I really remember that situation going like, oh, I think me and Sam really held our own. We weren't the star attraction but I think we contributed and I think me and Sam really held our own. We weren't the star attraction, but I think we contributed.

And I think people walked away with a positive impression. Yeah. And there's pictures of us all over the Googles. Yeah. I like having a picture of me mid-con as part of the Google image search. It's a, you know. Yeah, it's legit. It's a badge. It's legitimate.

Maybe not of honor, but it's a kind of badge. I will ride Felicia Day's coattails wherever I can. Yeah, right. At least as good as like a Pinewood Der a badge. It's legitimate. Maybe not of honor, but it's a kind of badge. I will ride Felicia Day's coattails wherever I can. Yeah, right. At least as good as like a Pinewood Derby badge. Yeah, there you go. Right? Most improved. Participant.

Oh, speaking of participants. Sure. We're participating in a show in Santa Cruz this week. Yeah. Wow. Santa Cruz, California. Oh, Santa Cruz, California. That's right.

Oh, I thought Santa Cruz, Arizona. That's amazing. No. That's even better. Santa Cruz, California. That, Santa Cruz, California. That's right. Oh, I thought Santa Cruz, Arizona. That's amazing. That's even better. Santa Cruz, California. That's on the California central coast. Wow. Wine country. Sure.

Sure. Why not? The UCSC High Tones. And you better believe when we go there, mommy's going to have her a little wine. I'm talking about myself. I'm mommy. Oh, you're mommy. The UCSC High Tones all-women's Acapella Group will be joining us on the program.

Speaking as someone who was in a college acapella group, I can tell you that you are in for a treat, my friend. Do you know the High Tones? I don't know the High Tones. I do admire their punny name. Sure. And an all-female group is always a sight on the eyes. Sure. It's fun to watch.

Yeah. We have John Vanderslice, indie rock celebrity John Vanderslice will be joining us there, as well as Bucky Sinister. Sure. Very funny Bucky Sinister, all at the Kumbwa Jazz Center on April 24th. In Santa Cruz, Arizona. Santa Cruz, New Mexico. It is, Arizona. California. New Mexico. It is going to be a blast.

We've already sold a lot of tickets. They are going fast. It benefits our old college radio station, KZSC. It's going to be a lot of fun, so run and get your tickets. You know, at Rachetacular is coming. She's driving down from Oregon. Holy cow. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

Yeah, so if you're somewhere on the Central Coast and you aren't coming... Give me a break. Yeah, geez. You look like a... You're complaining about going over the 17. You're looking like a real chump right now. Grab some wine. Chump City. Grab a little wine. Get in the car. Get down there. Make yourself a little road soda. Grab a bag

of wine. Get those Khumbwe Jazz Center tickets right now. It's going to be great. Go to MaximumFun.org. That's all I have to say, but I just want to make sure people come. We're selling tickets fast. I don't want people to email me. You know that thing where they're like, how come you never come here? Yeah, we just did, asshole.

You should have got tickets. RageTacular did. Yeah, boy. RageTacular got her tickets. Should I know who RageTacular is? She's like a super popular Jordan Jussie Go fan. Oh, she's super fun. She's really big on the Reddit. Hangs out on Reddit. Have you met her in person?

Yeah, we've met Rachel in person, I think. I think she was in the Mabim Bam's show as Game Recognize Game. Yeah, there you go. To the larger Max Funiverse, she is a character. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. I can't wait for your acapella experience.

I think it's going to be great. character. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. I can't wait for your acapella experience. I think it's going to be great. Oh, speaking of game recognizing game, invited guests on our program, JT the Bigger Figure, the hit maker behind Game Recognize Game in the Bay, mate. Sure. Now, you've invited him. Has he RSVP'd? I invited guest JT the Bigger Figure. San Francisco rapper JT the Bigger Figure. San Francisco rapper, JT the Bigger Figure.

Appearance pending. Representing the Filmo. Maybe we should just invite some other guests. Invited guest, Gwyneth Paltrow. You might know her from Goop. Yeah, she's the editor of Goop. Did you know that, Sam? I did know that.

Invited guest, Gwyneth Paltrow of Goop. Invited guest, Iron Man from the movie Gwyneth Paltrow of Goop. Invited guest, Iron Man from the movie Gwyneth Paltrow. Is that what that movie was called? Gwyneth Paltrow featuring Iron Man? I think so. Yeah. It's part of the larger Gwyneth Paltrow-iverse. She's in that movie, right? Oh, yeah. She's in the first one.

Oh, yeah. She's not in the second one? Well, she's in the first Iron Man. Is she in all the Iron Man? She's in all three, yeah, and I think she's given a little bit more to do in the second one? Well, she's in the first Iron Man. Is she in all the Iron Man? She's in all three, yeah. And I think she's given a little bit more to do in the third, which is nice. That's nice. They threw her a bone. Threw her a bone.

Hey, you want to blast some lasers in the last ten minutes of this, Gwenny? Yeah. I'm up for that. Invited guest. The alien symbiote. Sure. Late 1980s Spider-Man comic books. If you're out there, you're invited.

Is it a free thing or is it just like we're saving him a seat? Are we inviting Venom and Carnage or Venom or Carnage? Yeah, only one. Only one Spider-Man space villain. Are they invited to attend or perform? Yeah, they're going to do. They actually have an acapella group. Yeah. It's Venom, Carnage...

Rhinoceros Man. Green Goblin. It's probably called, like, Big Treble or something like that. Oh, yeah. I'm trying to think what the acapella version of the Sinister Six would be. I just see that Sam just nailed it. He just nailed it. Yeah.

Big Treble. That's the supervill villain acapella group. Wow. Okay. When something momentous happens to you. The Sinister Sopranos? Like your friend? Ooh.

Wait. Maybe. Anyway. Yeah. The Sinister Sixpranos? Yeah. Anyway. If you can make an acapella pun for the Sinister Six, get at us on Twitter.

Who's in that condor, man? It changes. It changes? Yeah. No. It does. The at us on Twitter. Who's in that? Condor Man. It changes. It changes? Yeah. No. It does. The lineup's always changing. The lineup's not.

You gotta switch it up. It's the same six. It's not the same six. So some people stop being sinister? Yeah. Like who? Condor Man? Yeah, Condor Man.

He was always on the fence. Yeah. Craving the Hunters gets bored easily. Condor Man's like, I'm out of here. Caw, caw. I'm going to get married to a laser. Yeah, kill the hunter. By craving the hunter?

Or a different hunter? Yeah. Just a different. Just a standard hunter. There he's extinct. When something momentous happens to you, we have you call us. 206-984-4FUN. 206-984-4FUN.

Little less announcer-y. A little more. Can I try it again? Yeah, a little less announcer-y. Just like a casual talking to your friend over a beer. When something momentous happens to you, call us at 206-984-4FUN. I mean, whatever, dude. That's really good.

That's great. I like that ad lib at the end. That's a good beat, yeah. Thank you. That's really good. What is this, Vince Vaughn over here with the ad libs? Check it out. Man.

You know what? A lot of them, what we do is we do one take for the script. Sure. You've got to get it as written. One take where we let it loose. As written and then, yeah. Let it loose. Sure.

You've got to get it as written. Once and for all, let it loose. As written and then, yeah. You know, let it loose. Like, let's say, I might say, if something momentous happens to you, you call us at 206-984-4FUN. Great. We got that. Yeah. It's in the can if the editor wants it.

Just play. Okay. Just play. This is your playground. Oh, if something momentous were to happen to you. What? We want you to call us at 206-984-4FUN. Wow.

Inspired, original, unique, indecipherable. Sure. Really good. Confusing. Yeah. Offensive. Inorganic. Everything.

Kind of broad, ethnic, early 20th century caricature that I'm really known for. Anyway, let's take our first call. Hi, it's Jordan Jesse Guest this is Jeff in Memphis calling with a momentous occasion after two months of calling me mama my daughter just finally called me Dada for the first time

hello thanks for the show love you guys bye that is so sweet you know what some people say that teenagers have bad attitudes. Yeah. Hey. Oh.

Jesse, I'm guessing it was a baby. Oh, some people say teenagers have bad attitudes. Move it along. Nothing to see here. Toot, toot, toot, toot, toot. What, uh, which did your respective children say first, Mama or Dada? Red clovers, green stars, and bad attitudes. I remember when they introduced a purple horseshoe.

Yeah, sure. Purple horseshoe. Purple. Purple. Purple. Purple. Purple. It's a jolly holiday with Mary.

I think Simon said mama and Oscar said daddy. Okay. Oscar still loves to say daddy. He says it about a lot of things that aren't me. Just points to the Roomba. Yeah, exactly. The Roomba is very nurturing, though. Sometimes when the mailman comes, in fact, almost always when the mailman comes, he says daddy.

He says real daddy, doesn't he? Doesn't he say real daddy? Biological daddy. Yeah, biological daddy. You know what he says? Secret daddy. Mommy told me real daddy, big daddy. Yeah.

Then he says, whoops, was not supposed to tell you. I go sleep now. He's like Frankenstein. He does. Yeah, he's a Frankenstein. Mommy told me. Keep secret. I give him some of the num noms. Yeah, you gotta get some num noms. My kid calls me Papa. It's not

Daddy. It's Papa. Is that because you're a Smurf? You Smurf like qualities. Yes. No, no. It's just, yeah, it's fun. It's Papa. Is that because you're a Smurf? You Smurf like qualities. Yes. No, no. It's just, yeah, it's stuck. I don't know why. I really like it, though.

I enjoy it. Yeah. Me too. It's fun. Papa's nice. Papa's nice. It has a kind of a prospectory quality to it. Hello, Papa.

Excuse me, Papa. Can I have some num-nums? You really are known for these. Yeah, these are some great, great voices. Busting out all of them. I have so many voices that I can share with your hearts. If you'll just let, just open them. Open your hearts.

Let in the voices. Yeah, sure. Diamond in. If you'll make a single deep incision. You'll fill it with voices. Let's take in. If you'll make a single deep incision, you'll fill it with voices. Let's take our next call. Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse.

Hey, Go. This is Nat from Silver Spring, Maryland. And I just walked outside and saw a yellow Mini Cooper parked in front of my house that was yellow with black question marks painted all over it. And as I walked closer, I saw that the man sitting inside was wearing a suit completely covered in question marks as well. So I think I just saw the Riddler. No, you saw Matthew Lesko. Thanks. Bye. You saw a legendary infomer, you saw Matthew Lesko. Thanks. Bye. You saw a legendary infomercial person. Yeah.

I think this guy just squandered an opportunity to make thousands of dollars placing classified ads. Yeah, or getting free stuff from the government, right? Which is it? Is it classified ads or is it stuff from the government? I can't remember now. There's a guy who – it's the government, right? Yeah, I think it's the government. How do you make money from placing small classified ads? is it stuff from the government? I can't either. There's a guy who... Government. It's the government, right? Yeah. I think it's the government. How do you make money from placing small classified ads?

What am I thinking of? I'm sure there's a way. Oh, I'm sorry. Selling exercise bikes. In the penny saver. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. There's a book that tells you how to get free shit from the government, right?

Yeah. Yeah, Matthew Lesko's the author. Wow. I hear this guy was running away because he thought it was the Riddler. Thought it was a supervillain. Yeah. Yeah, Matthew Lesko is the author. Wow. Here this guy was running away because he thought it was the Riddler. Thought it was a supervillain. Yeah. Turns out. Riddle me this, Matthew Lesko.

How can I get free stuff from the government? What government programs are waiting for me? I wonder what is in that. I guess I don't even have any concept of how that works. I know he walks along the National Mall and yells at you during a Comedy Central TV edit of Half-Baked. But I guess I have no – I know that guy, but I have no idea what exactly it is he's selling. Is it just ways to milk the disability system? Yeah, I guess so, yeah. Yeah, roughly

speaking. I mean, NEA grants, too. Okay, yes. You need to get some art and cover it in poo. Find out the information that Jesse Helms doesn't want you to know. No one knows what Matthew Lesko really sounded like.

Sure. Yeah, because he was doing a voice. It's impossible to know. But that's my suppository of how he speaks. It's a good, deep suppository. I don't even know if that was the real Matthew Lesko, the guy in the commercial. It could be like a Dave situation. It's not.

I'm the real Matthew Lesko. I don't like this Matthew Lesko voice. It's the worst one you've done. What's wrong, Jordan? Don't like my Matthew Lesko voice? No, it's creepy. It's real creepy. I would prefer the offensive Irishman.

Bring that guy back out. Have him tell me how to get rich placing small classified ads. Hey, do you know, Sam? What? Do you already know about Jordan's signature voice character? No, I don't. I think this is something you could bring to some casting directors. Okay, okay.

Look, we've been having a lot of fun sharing some of my thousand voices. You have many more voices than I would expect. I've got a deep bag of tricks, but Jordan has a character that I think could be the star of the next Call of Duty game. It's called Liam Neeson doing an American accent. This is what Liam Neeson or, you know, another European actor sounds like when he's trying to do an American accent. I'm going to close my eyes.

Dominic West. Sure. Sure. Christopher Eccleston. Okay. These are all examples. Okay. Hey there. Yeah. I'm from Brooklyn. Uh-huh. Yeah. That. Sure. Christopher Eccleston. Okay. These are all examples. Okay. Hey there. Yeah.

I'm from Brooklyn. Uh-huh. Yeah, that's right. I love hot dogs. Uh-huh. All American. Yeah, that's right. Give me back my daughter. Yeah. There it is. Wow. Outstanding ovation. Thank you. Thank you. If you have a momentous occasion to share with us, call us at 206-984-4FUN or email us at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. Put it in your telephone right now, 206-984-4FUN. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Desi, Go. Toity, toity, toity. Jordan, Jesse, go. Who am I? I'm just Jesse Thorne, a relaxed, cool dude.

Hey, I'm just a guy. I'm just a guy's guy who loves beer. Jordan Morse, boy detective. Sam Riegel will say, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh,

eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh,

eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh,

eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh,

eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh,

eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh,

eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh,

eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh,

eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh,

eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, What is everyone's neighborhood Spider-Man? Friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. Another win for your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. But you have to say it in the toity, toity, toity. Let's hear it.

Oh, if it isn't another win for your friendly neighborhood, a Spider-Man. Spider-Man. That's good. Now I'm off to pack me pipe with meat. You know, I feel like if a game came out with just joke voices like that, I feel like it would sell. It seems like that should be like at least like a mod or like a downloadable thing that you can do. It's just a version of Doom. Yeah, right. Yes, exactly.

Where all the monsters are. Where all the Nazi spacemen or whatever it was. It was the bad guys. They're all, yeah, just 1920s Irish. Or other cartoons. Yeah, right, exactly. Instead of fighting zombies, you're fighting Darby O'Gill. Maybe that could be like a downloadable thing, like microtransactions.

You can have a thing where, like, if you're tired of these, you know, these war guy voices or these Spider-Man voices, you just, yeah, you download. If they have zombie mods, they should just have bad radio voices. You just, yeah, you download. They have zombie mods. They should just have bad radio acting mods. Yeah, right, yes. Could we make a DLC for Skyrim? Sure, no, yeah. We're all the elves or the goblins. Oh, you're Dragonborn now.

That's actually pretty cool. Oh, you've achieved majestic power. Yeah. Now give me back my daughter, yeah. That's right. I'm good at archery. Yeah. Yeah. Now give me back my daughter. Yeah. That's right. I'm good at archery. Yeah. Yeah.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. I feel like I would replay a game. Let's gather lavender. Yeah.

I would pay an extra five bucks to replay a game with offensive voices. It's like those GPSs that have Mr. T's voice. Sure. Or Elvis. Yeah. Elvis? GPSs that have Mr. T's voice. Sure.

Or Elvis, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Elvis? They have Elvis GPSs? On my ways, when I fire it up, it's Elvis's voice saying, I'll turn left. I'll keep going for three miles. Do you think that's the real Elvis? Yeah.

No, they got him before he died. Elvis. Just in case. We have an idea for this technology. It probably won't be around for another 40 or 50 years. Just give us a bunch of directions and mile markers. Just give me the names. This will make me live forever, right?

I'll basically live forever because I'm inside people's phones telling them where to drive. Just say Coenga a few times. Whatever you say, Colonel. I saw the most amazing – Colonel. That guy's a genius. I saw the most amazing – Colonel. That guy's a genius. I saw the most amazing thing at work. You know, it's on –

Job drop. I work on a lot. Job drop. Yeah, a Hollywood lot where there's a lot of showbiz going on. And, you know, sometimes you see people kind of going, you know, hither and thither in costumes. Like an old-fashioned Warner Brothers studio. Yeah. There's an Indian who walks by.

Right, a Roman centurion. Yeah, and someone's leading a camel. To be clear, I think the expression is actually hither and zither. Excuse me. Hither and laser. Yeah, hither and flaser. And it's mostly like what they film on that lot. It's like Nickelodeon shows, so it's like cool teens, a lot of cool teens.

Sure. Like Jesse's famous cool teen character. It's like Nickelodeon shows. So it's like cool teens, a lot of cool teens. Sure. Like Jesse's famous cool teen character. Yeah, like your famous cool teen character. What can I say? I live in this hotel. Oh, Drake. And I saw the most amazing thing on my way out. It was just a guy sitting on like a bench and his head was in his hands.

Like his head was in his hands like, I've had it. Fuck this. Dressed like Elvis. And it was so fun to just like with coworkers go like, oh man, it's been a really rough year. It's been a really bad year. God damn. I want to put a gun to my mouth. My prescription ran out.

Sometimes you want to feel something, anything, even if it's pain. Damn, Elvis is wondering if this is what rock bottom feels like. Sad Elvis. If we would have gotten a picture, it would have been a meme. I cut to feel. Ha! Well, we had a lot of fun on this week's Jordan Jessica. Sure. Doing funny voices, talking about video games.

Just classic Jordan Jessica stuff. Goofing around. Brian Fernandez is our producer. The star of Brian and Lindsay will totally eat that. We shot eight episodes today. We're going to shoot some more episodes tomorrow. Made Brian eat some jelly deal. There's a lot of shitty food out there.

You saw that jelly deal. Wow. Does not look like something anyone wants to eat, right? No, not in its presentation. Brian is outside gagging right now thinking about what it felt like in his mouth. Oh, man. Poor guy. Let's see.

Our theme music, Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design, and Light in the Attic Records. Our thanks to them for letting us use it. You can find it on Kites Are Fun, the best of the free design. It's an acapella group. It's a real song, A, and B, it is a song

that a music director would know about. They didn't hear it on Jordan Jesse Go and put it in that Delta commercial, okay? We know about the Delta commercial. Yeah. They copied you. No, they didn't copy us. It's just a song that people know about. It's like, you know, it's a thing that people know about. Yeah.

Delta copied you. Right. The old Delta. They gave us the old Delta copy. This is the second time they copied us. We had our hub in Atlanta. We had to move. You also charge for baggage.

Yeah. We also have a very good $5 snack box, though, if you want a Slim Jim and some cheese. Sam Riegel, our guest on the program. Let's do a quick list of the television programs on which you currently appear, Sam. Appear? Well, appear auditorily. Zero. I appear on zero programs with my face. But my mouth makes sounds that are – I can be heard on Wander Over Yonder as Emperor Awesome.

And I'm sometimes on Sophia the First as a voice. But I work on those shows as the voice director as well. I work on Sanjay and Craig and a bunch of other awesome cartoons. And you can hear me doing a Cortana commercial. Oh, that's right. You are the guy who wonders where to get flowers to Cortana, and Cortana helps you. Tell me where to get some flowers for my wife.

That's my voice in the Cortana. Do you give it like a relaxed, chill read? Yeah. I mean, yeah, man, whatever. It's just Cortana. Need some flowers. I'm a classic Seattle dude. Yeah.

Generation X. Yeah. Disaffected. You can't place me in one of your boxes. I'm just having a coffee, doing my own thing, Cortana. Looking for flowers. Yeah. That's me.

That's me. Did I see you have some sort of – I think this is tied to something that you're up to. You have some sort of new Twitter avatar where you're a magical elf. We're going to get into this now at the end of the show? I don't know. Is this something you could quickly plug as you're a magical elf. We're going to get into this now at the end of the show? I don't know! Is this something you could quickly plug as you know you're a magical elf? Yeah, every Thursday night on Geek & Sundry's Twitch feed,

I play Dungeons & Dragons with a bunch of voice actors, and it's called Critical Role. We play from 7 to 10. We stream live. Thousands of people watch us play Dungeons & Dragons, old-school pen and paper hand drawn maps and I am a level 9 gnome bard and I sing in every episode

hey check it out it's really geeky it's really fun you just tripled down you're like we're on Geek and Sundry it's a show where we play Dungeons and Dragons me and all these other voice actors and I sing.

Intense. Yeah, yeah. It's super nerdy. Sing Jonathan Colton songs? I will next time. Okay, great. Fantastic. Sam Riegel has been our guest on the program, and what a delight he has been to have here. Thank you, Sam. We appreciate it very much.

Thank you. You're welcome. Yes. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica.