Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 381: Cherry Blast with Alie Ward and Dave Horwitz

Episode Date: June 15, 2015

Fan favorites Alie Ward and Dave Horwitz join Jordan for a discussion of everyone's first kiss and virginity story, rhythmic vaping videos, and Alie's experience throwing out the first pitch at a Tigers game.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective Jesse Thorne, out at MaxFunCon this weekend. But I am here, and I will just be, you know, I'm just going to use this time to riff about the news. No, I'm not going to riff about the news. I am going to do an episode of our goof around show with two fan favorite guests. First, we have one of the correspondents on CBS's Innovation Nation presented by Henry Ford and the host of the Slumber Party with Allie in Georgia podcast, Allie Ward. Hi, Allie. I'm so happy to be here.

Yeah. What's Mr. Ford like in person? He's so dead, and he's very deceased. You know, you want him to be dead. You do. He seems so dead, and then he is. He is, and he does it perfectly. Just like how you want Chris Pratt to be a real sweetie in person, and then he is. Right. Same thing with Henry

Ford in Being Dead. Are you in love with Chris Pratt? I, uh, okay, let's, we'll talk Pratt. Okay, we'll circle back. But first, I want to interview the other fan favorite guest, who I've brought in to help with the program this week, uh, a comedy writer, a regular at the old UCB

theater in Los Angeles, and the host of the Lil Cuties podcast, Dave Horowitz. Hi, Jordan. Dave, why'd you give your podcast that name? Because it makes people laugh like you just did. Hey, mission accomplished. And also because I am a Lil' Cutie. You are.

I mean, I think that shows a lot of self-awareness because I do think if someone told me, like, Dave Horowitz, oh, that Lil' Cutie, I would say that was accurate. But if someone told me like Dave Horowitz, oh, that little cutie, I would say that was accurate. It's actually in part named because a friend of mine referred to me as such repeatedly all the time. Specifically if I would show up to a party or something wearing a sweater or say like a collared shirt with a sweater over it or just dressed up at all or if I did anything like bought a round of drinks, anything adult that clashed with what people thought about me. Sure. She would say, look at you. What are you doing, you little cutie?

The sweater. And I decided to turn that possibly negative into a positive. There you go. Flip the script. That's what I say. Yeah. Change the conversation. Take back the night?

Take back the night. Yes. I'm offended. Good. That's fine. night, yes. Sorry. I'm offended. Good. That's fine. That means you're listening. I'm taking my shoes off. You are taking – just to set the scene a little bit for the listener.

Dave is having a nice tejava. Is it tejava? I say tejava. I say tejava. Let's call the whole thing off. I say tejava. You say the Spanish. Allie is taking off her shoes and drinking periodically out of a canteen.

I have a half a gallon of water in a canteen, and I'm so excited about it. Now, this is a vintage-looking canteen, but is it vintage or is this a reproduction of a classic teen? That looks like Etsy all the way, dog. No, I know. Straight up Etsy? I can tell you're impressed. And it weighs like four pounds because that's roughly the weight of a half a gallon of water. But it has a purse strap, so it's hydration just slung around your back.

And I purchased it at an Army-Navy store in Silver Lake for $7.95. Check it out. It's one of my favorite things I own. And I just – you know the scene from Three Amigos where they all have the canteens? Yeah. And one of them is like dust in his face and then one guy has just got like so much water. I feel like just blessed with hydration every time I drink out of it. You are – I mean your skin does have a healthy glow to it.

I would say that hydration is probably part of that. I am sweating right now. Oh, that's – okay. Sure, yeah. That's part of it. Artie Pratt., that's okay. Sure. Yeah. That's part of it. R.E. Pratt. Pratt's great. I've loved his two summer blockbuster star turns.

I am a little worried that we will reach some sort of peak Pratt. A Pratt shelf. We will all fall off a Pratt shelf. I think I am fine to have – I think he should – go ahead. Stick that guy in all sorts of movies. I don't think we need to do an internet post every time he says something cute at a press junket. Do you think that we're reaching a Pratturation point in the media? I didn't, but now I do.

Now that there's a portmanteau that we can associate with it. That's sticky. Prattuation? That's going to – I saw Jurassic World this morning. I got up early and was like, fuck it. I'm going to go to the mall. And I went and I saw it and I was like, oh, I get why man, woman, and child are all in love with this band.

Yeah. And you had not seen it – you had not – pre-JW. Right. You didn't really understand what the big deal about Pratt was? I had no opinion. I was one of those pollers who, if you called me and you were like, is Pratt going to make it to, he's going to make it to the White House, I'd be like, you know what, I don't have an opinion on it. And now I'm like, I'd carry a sign with his name on it. So you were just waiting for him to do a role where he had a weird southern accent.

Yeah. Is that what stuck it for you? Yeah, I think whenever I'm not sure about a person, as soon as they have sort of like a fading in and out dialect, then I'm like, my heart is just pulled apart and I'm in love with them. You want every fifth word to be a little corn pony. Yes, exactly. Okay. And I like leather vests. Yeah.

Sorry, is it good, the movie? I, you know, I feel about the JP franchise like some fellas do about the Star Wars franchise. You know, I didn't cry at a trailer or anything. Right. But I think that's my,'s my childhood dork spot is Jurassic Park. Sorry, I really was. It's my horny dork button. Okay, well, I was going to talk about how much I like dork spot, but horny dork button kind of killed it for me. I will say on the negative side, I enjoyed the film.

I did cry at least once to stop it. Spoiler, spoiler, spoiler. What did you cry from? I cried at a little bit of a happy ending. I was like, fuck yeah, America. It was, yes. I also, one criticism I have is not enough cloacas. Yeah.

Not enough dinosaur buttholes. Because if you think about it, that whole thing, that whole park would have been covered, covered in some kind of lizard shit. And there was no dude with a little push broom just cleaning up Main Street at the end of it. Well, do you think? I think that if you – sorry to interrupt. Sure, no, Dave, please. You know, I work a lot in the internet, and I think if you kind of search around for some web extras, there's probably a web-only series about the guy who cleans up the shit at Jurassic World.

I want to talk to him, and I want to know, was it liquid, semi-liquid, like reptilian? Was it bird-like? We'll link to it in the forum, but it's probably – they probably produced it with like a UCB guy, but like Zach Woods is going to do it. As like – the guy's like, oh, shit, there's all this shit. Yeah. I maybe what I would think my justification for the shitless dinosaur theme park. Right. Be that, you know, the whole movie is a it's a warning about meddling with nature, playing God.

And they they talk a lot about, you know, breeding certain characteristics into dinosaurs. Do you think they bred the poop out of them? Maybe they just release like a mist or something. Right. Like a gaseous sort of through the skin. Who knows? Who knows? They could have just bred them to be butthole-less and then they just expire from internal expansion. I don't know. They didn't get into that. And that's what I wish they would. Do you think that's something you guys would tackle on Henry Ford's science program? I think I wish that we could talk about the innovation of cloaca-free dinosaurs. You should pitch it.

I will. I will pitch that. And gosh darn it, Peabody is just in our future. I wish. So, Dave, to answer your question, JP, lots of eye rolls, but a lot of fun. Yeah. And I think that final dino battle is so cool. Damn, dog, yeah.

Yeah, that was something else. So, yeah, I think definitely worth a watch. And if you have warm feelings about Jurassic Park and the franchise as a whole, I think you'll really enjoy it. I'm a little neutral, honestly. I think for some reason I really liked the first one, obviously, and I didn't end up seeing the second two at all. Oh, no reason to? Never did, even though they came out when I was young enough that I probably would have

still maybe been impressed, but it never happened. One of my best friends is a huge fan. been impressed, but it never happened. One of my best friends is a huge fan. He has the Adventure Pack, which is not just what he calls it, but it's the three movies in one set. But instead of just saying, oh, I own all three, he says, I have the Jurassic Park Adventure Pack. Oh, yes.

I've been in multiple conversations with Mookie Blakelock and where he will say, yeah, I have the Adventure Pack, which is pretty adorable. But I never saw it. I mean, that's just a good buzzword you're going to want to drop to get laid. You know, it's like, I own an Audi. I have an Audi. My belly button's an Audi. And I have the Jurassic Park three pack.

I've been on some cool boats. Sure. I own a really nice tailored suit. And I got that adventure pack. Do you guys know off the top of your head what your horny dork button is? What is the thing you will consume

no matter if the reviews tell you otherwise? No, that's a great question. Anything bug related. Okay. But like any... So you're waiting for that Ants sequel. Just waiting for that Ants just waiting for that ant sequel that metamorphosis like uh adventure pack if i if i had to like like duck into a theater alone i

would go see metamorphosis again i think it was metamorphosis it's the one with like all the macro bug photography for just hours which i think i'm the only person that went and saw that in the theater without being on hardcore street drugs i think i'm the only person who was just like stoked to roll up with like, you know, some Junior Mints and just be like, let's do this. Sure. Yeah. If it's bug related, it's clickbait. I can't not.

I got to check it out. Okay. I think I'm that way for sort of the cool comedy generation that is having a resurgence. So anything that anybody from the state makes or Mr. Show, any like ancillary thing, if there's a limited run series. If Jay Johnston is vlogging. Sure. You're on board.

As you want to do. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, that's only burned me a couple of times, you know, but I saw, I got real excited to see Role Models, was not disappointed. Oh, man. Yeah, Role Models is great. But yeah, anything like that can take you down to some weird places. I just realized I gave you guys the wrong title of that, so I really don't know what I'm talking about.

I think it was Microcosmos. Microcosms. That's what – I think Microcosmos. I don't know, you guys. It came out like 15 years ago. I know exactly what you're talking about, but you said Metamorphosis. I know. I'm thinking Kafka.

Yeah. I know. I'm sorry. Is're talking about, but you said metamorphosis. I know. I'm thinking Kafka. Yeah. I know. I'm sorry. Is she talking Kafka over here? You know, you guys, I was thinking about butterflies. I was thinking about larva. Hey, what's up? Welcome to Talking Kafka.

I'm your boy. Is this nut over here talking Kafka? Damn. Welcome to NPR's only show where a couple of bros discuss products. Guys, let's pour some drinks. Sorry, guys. I'm so jet lagged. I'm so dumb right now.

No, okay. Yeah, well, let's talk about our mental states. I think I described beverages to everybody. Allie, where have you come from and how are you feeling in this moment? I'm so dumb and so tired. You can't even remember bug movie titles. Really? What's wrong with me?

But in the last 48 hours, I've been in Hawaii, Seattle, Detroit, Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Los Angeles in the last 40, like something like 48 hours. Why? Work. Work. Work. And I'm just like didn't sleep one of those nights because I was just changing planes. And then I just, I'm just so dumb. What's the best airport meal you had during that whole thing?

I'm going to guess Chili's 2. Dave, what's your airport food guess? Half a Cinnabon. I wish, you guys. What's the actual food? I went three plane rides without eating a thing. And then I found a pack of a small disc of peanut butter that I had stashed in my purse

that I saw from the hotel breakfast bar. I do love those discs. Yeah. And I ate that. And it was like... Just like with your hands? I think I had a plastic knife. Okay.

But it was like if you had dropped that like into Survivor when they were like on week three with no food. Like that's how excited I got about it. So you were eating like you found rations. Essentially, yeah. It was just like savored every bite. It was the most zen meal experience. What So you were eating like you found rations. Essentially, yeah. I was just like savored every bite. It was the most zen meal experience. What about you?

How are you guys doing? I am coming to this podcast not straight from but straightish from a bachelor party in Vegas. Sure. Yeah. Guys, now I've heard that there's a place in France where the ladies – Right. Wait, wait. Where the naked ladies dance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I understand it's under construction. there's a place in France where the ladies dance. Right. Wait, wait. Where the naked ladies dance.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I understand it's under construction. There's a lot of walls. Apparently, this phenomenon has made it to America. Really? And I don't like it. I'm not a fan. No?

Put some pants on, madam. Yeah. You saw some ladies in their underpants? Yeah. No, we did. Yes, we did take the agreed upon bachelor party trip to the Naked Lady Zone. Yeah. And I would call myself too drunk to enjoy it.

Really? Like I don't really remember. Yeah, we were just kind of – it was late. We got there quite late. So I don't have a mental picture of the boobs. Too drunk to remember but not too drunk to maybe misbehave. Right. No, I think I definitely left by myself.

Oh, sure. I think I realized I was too drunk. What happened to you prior? Had you not eaten enough or did people force shots on you? What happened? No, I mean I think I just – I was doing more continuous drinking. Had you not eaten enough or did people force shots on you? What happened? No. I mean I think I just – I was doing more continuous drinking. I think others took a break whereas I just kept it going.

Did you feel sad? Were you feeling sad? No, no. I think I – this was a joyful we're celebrating our bro kind of drinking. All right. So it wasn't like I can't handle the emotions of all these women who don't have pants on and my friends getting married. It was just like, this is the best. Oh, no, I don't remember. Yeah, it was just, yeah, it was just, I think we started at lunch and then just kept going. So yeah, but I think everybody had a great time. How much money did you spend?

I think I dropped – let's see. I think I lost $200 gambling, which is very big for me because I don't really enjoy gambling that much. But also not that bad. Yeah, not that bad. Sure. And I'm a low-stakes gambler. I like to hang out at the $5 blackjack table with the winners, with society's greatest winners. Yeah, no.

There are some really, really good minds if you just get to know them right and left of you. Everybody's got a story. Yeah, a lot of physicists, a lot of laureates, social workers. Yeah, I mean, I was playing some $5 blackjack at the Tropicana. Who rolls up but Neil deGrasse Tyson. Yeah, I heard he goes there. Yeah, I do.

Oh, I mean a Chinese woman who was chain-smoking. That's, I mean, but... But she had a lot of opinions about black holes. She did, yeah. They're all – they're each made of stardust. So like what are you going to do? I've heard that. Just a big bag of stardust rolls up and starts throwing fives down.

So yeah, I think two hundy down on gambling. Okay. How much was like your – did you total it up like room this much, buffets this much? I haven't yet. Maybe I can do that. Maybe I can do some quick math and give you an estimation up like room this much, buffets this much? I haven't yet. Maybe I can do that. Maybe I can do some quick math and give you an estimation in my head. Okay. I think this –

Don't forget the Gatorade and the Aleve also. Oh, boy, yeah. Yeah, I did drive through Del Taco and get a giant cherry Coke on the way home. That's like my favorite hangover thing is the like – I feel like I don't drink too much like full calorie soda these days. Yeah, who does? Monsters. Yeah, you're right. America.

Who just drinks a Sprite? Who just drinks a – no, that's my – but nothing tastes better than like a giant icy like drive-thru cherry Coke when you're hungover. It's lovely. So yeah, I think probably total – this was maybe a Meals Hotel, two hundo to Old Man Tropicana. Right. To fill Old Man Tropicana's coffers. Papa Trap.

Pop Trap. I would say that maybe a $600, $700 affair. Okay. Not bad. Not too bad. Not too bad. The only time I ever went to a strip club was also in Vegas, but I had the flu. Oh, God.

And my friends would not let me not go. Sure. We got up to the door, and it was, I think, $25 to get in, and I was already looking for an excuse to leave. And I just said, like, no, I'm going to go back to – and somebody just forked over a 20, and we went in. And my friends were getting lap dances and I was sitting down. I'd never been ever into a strip club and I just sat down and had like a bottle of nasal spray in my hand and girls would come over and they'd say like, hi, how are you?

And I'd go like, I'm OK. I'm a little congested. Hey, fever. But I didn't engage – I thought I was being very polite, but I just kept politely declining a dance until everyone, every lady who was available and working was sick of me. And then nobody talked to me for an hour and we went home. Now, do you think that was also because you were just openly using a neti pot? Yes. I was neti potting.

Well, I would go. I was neti potting every five minutes in the bathroom would go, I was neti potting every five minutes in the bathroom and then I just decided. Dave, were you straight potting? I was straight potting but I realized

I can just do this in my seat and I'll save myself some time and I'll still get to take a look. Sure. At the scenery.

Yeah. You know, scope out that mac and cheese buffet and so I just did it where I sat and if they couldn't handle it,

they could have left. Sure. Carry that neti bucket around with you. It's Vegas. You do you. Yeah, I brought that netty buck. How glad are they, though, that they didn't contract some kind of virus from you? I'm sure they've had way worse.

Yeah, that's actually probably true. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure they come into contact with society's germiest. Oh, yeah. They probably contracted far worse than a mild Jew fever. Are you guys afraid of germs? Like, I go in airports a lot, and now I've gotten kind of desensitized. But, like, how on, like, the germ scale of I can't leave my house to, like, I don't care? Where are you on that?

I have basically zero germ phobia. I'll eat out of the trash. Okay. Yeah. I've done that. Yeah. Yeah, no, I definitely don't. No, I don't have a lot of, I don't think about germs at all.

You don't? You're not like, like every handle isn't like, what's on here? Yeah. Okay. I'm vaguely aware of germs and I don't like them. Okay. So if a dirty thing is happening that I can. It's a hot take, Dave.

That I can. You don't like germs. I don't think they're great. Okay. So if a dirty thing is happening... It's a hot take, Dave. That I can... You don't like germs. I don't think they're great. Okay. But I'm not gonna, yeah, I'm not gonna use a paper towel to open a door, you know, twist the doorknob. I'm not gonna kick a, I'm not gonna flush the toilet with my shoe. Wait.

People flush the toilet with their hands? Like in a public setting? Yeah. What? Yeah. What's a public setting? Yeah. Yeah. What? Yeah. What's your public toilet? Foot. Foot. All the way.

Like, okay. So you want to make other people touch your foot. I thought everyone did that. I thought everyone. So you're in a public restaurant. I'm using my hand. And there's like a, not the automat, not the robo-toilet that Otto does it. Other people are using their hands?

Well, yes, Allie, because after they do that, they're going over to the sink and washing their hands with hot water and soap. But you have a perfectly good foot that touches the ground that doesn't, that you can touch the handle with. I'm not even a germaphobe, but it just makes goddamn sense. I think you may be a tiny bit of a germaphobe. You have to be a slight germaphobe to avoid, because you're basically saying that for the six seconds between when you flush the toilet and you are washing your hands, you don't want to be in contact with germs. It just seems like my foot will do the job so well. I guess I would be a little worried about slipping and falling.

What kind of balance do you have? I'm trying to – I'm envisioning the height of this thing. I can think about that because think about this. You flush the toilet with your foot. There's maybe a little bit of – some kind of condensation, some wet think about this. You flush the toilet with your foot. There's maybe a little bit of some kind of condensation, something wet on the ground. Sure, right.

Bathrooms are moist, Allie. I get that. There's a lot of moisture in bathrooms. It's not just urine either. So go with me here. Your flush foot's airborne. Sure, right.

Your ground foot is in something wet. You are propelled backwards. There's that rack that you can hang a whatever on behind you. Sure. You slip,

and then that hook goes right through the back of your head into your brain you're impaled on a coat hook all because you didn't want to go four seconds with germy hands I guess I would and I'm also worried about trying to apply pressure with the foot but the foot like slipping off the handle you guys have never done yoga right

I do the occasional yoga okay you can also dudes wear athletic shoes no matter what the occasion You guys have never done yoga, right? I do the occasional yoga. Okay. Also, dudes wear athletic shoes no matter what the occasion. Like there's never a time when a guy doesn't have tread on his shoes. Like he's like in a wedding or a funeral and chances are he's got some traction. Chicks do that. I think a lot of people – I'm not saying urinals because that's crazy. That's acrobatic.

But I thought everyone did that. I'm going to try this. It honestly never occurred to me. I have safety concerns, but I think I can anchor myself. I'm still going to do hand. I'm going to try it. I'm going to give it a shot. The next time I'm in a public restroom, I'm going to report back.

Wow. I'm just like – this is like the day that I found out that the company Yuhual was not a Hawaiian company, but it was just U-Haul and it stood for U-Haul. I feel like this is a major like – When was that? I think I was like, you know, 35. No, I'm just kidding. I think I was like eight when I realized – I thought Yuhual was a Hawaiian company. And then I was like, U-Haul it.

A tropical- movie company. Pretty much. I don't know. Well, this is great because I think that with this whole foot toilet flushing thing, I think we're branching out into the kind of content that I think our listeners have been demanding for, which is life hacks. Sure. And I think that maybe that's the reason our show hasn't rocketed into the stratosphere is because we're not doing enough life hacks. Wait, this is potentially kind of exciting. I don't want to put words in your mouth,

but are you saying that with this episode, you might be on the precipice of going viral? I should, I certainly, I mean, because what do people like to spread around more? Than life hacks? Well, I was going to say meandering hour and a half audio files. But yeah, sure. But yeah, I think if we can just make the life hack part of it a little more prominent,

maybe we'll title the episode something kind of buzzy, sticky. Sure. And then, guys, I think we've got a hit on our hands. It's a virus I'm not afraid of. I'll tell you that much. Success? Yeah. Yeah.

It's all over your door handles right now. It's dripping, oozing with it. It's going to get pretty viral up in here. Do you really have any life hacks though? Because I'll take some. I'm always looking for ways to make my life better. Oh. I know you're kidding, but like, is there anything you've come across where you're like, oh shit, I can do that? The only thing that comes to mind is changing a broken light bulb by sticking a potato in there. Wait, how often do you break a light bulb? Basically never. It's happened twice in my life.

And how scary are you? Because haven't you ever done that science experiment where you turn a potato into like a clock or something? Yeah. Like isn't the whole point that there are like some salt ions in there or something? Yeah, it seems like that could be a good way to like electrocute yourself. Sure. And turn it into some sort of potato-based supervillain. You know what my hack is for that?

I think it's a little bit safer if you just burn your house down and just say, fuck it, I'm starting over. That's a great, man, that's a great life hack. I shouldn't say the F word on this podcast so much. I'm sorry. No, no, you can say the F word. No, I shouldn't though. But you can. Oh, this isn't a general like growth thing you're looking to do for yourself?

I just forget when I hang out with friends and we just chew some fat. Sorry, the poop. Chew some fat. Chew the fat. Okay. The shit. We're chewing some shit. Who cares?

Chewing the fuck. Oh, Dave. I'll try. Okay, here's the deal. CTF. Cutting the butt. I'm going to try to not cut the butt for the next. I said cutting the butt.

Okay. I'm going to try not to say the C for the next. I said cunting the butt. Okay. I'm going to try not to say the C word. No, Allie. It's fun. We're adults. We can do whatever we want. Cunt. It's fun.

I'm a grown up. My parents live 3,000 miles away. Dick. And they don't know how to use iTunes, right? No. Do your parents listen to your podcasts? Oh, hell yeah. They do?

Do your parents listen to the Asteroid app? I think my sister will listen to the occasional episode, but hell yeah. They do? Do your parents listen to these, Jordan? I think my sister will listen to the occasional episode, but my mom does not. Okay. Why? And I'm glad.

I'm glad for it. Did there come a point where she's like, yeah, no, it's not for me? No, I think just not knowing how to use iTunes is a thing. That's so helpful. Yeah.

I think my mom is still an AM radio gal. Aw. Yeah. But yeah, I think, yeah, I think the, I think she would be upset by the language and just general dong talk that goes on. Yeah. So yeah, I would not encourage my mom.

My folks are all up on my Facebook page. Oh, yeah? So I will post a link to this and at least one of them will hear it. Really? Yeah. My dad, they like my – they like when I do things. They're proud of you. They are.

They should be. You're a successful guy. Sure. But, you know, sometimes it's some things aren't for mom and dad, but they don't care because it's content and it's a free country. So they might tune into, you know, episode three of my show. And I spend the last 20 minutes bleakly talking about how we're all worm food, which was real. And I'm scared for them to hear that because it's, you know, that was a great day for me.

I think that's the least offensive thing I could talk to my parents about. Like my parents will take death talk forever. But if I were just like, I kissed someone, they'd be like, oh, no. We don't. That's a good way to spread germs. Well, my whole family. What did we say about germs being sin? Yeah.

Little sins all over you. They're tiny, tiny satans. Oh, you got a mouth full of little satans. We got to get those satans out of you. How did you know I was raised Catholic? I think you, and you know, if I'm, I don't want to get too personal here, but I mean, I've, you know, I have heard that when you want to show affection for a partner, you place your foot on their face because it's more sanitary than putting your lips there.

I just figured every one of their past lovers has probably put their foot there. So why would I put my hand there? No, I mean, that's a great, yeah. And you also, also like, you know that Ali's parents have a little pillow embroidered on their couch that says, uh, um, a kiss is a flush your mouth makes. That's true. That's true. I mean it's beautifully embroidered and they've got the Virgin of Guadalupe on one side of it and then a Hello Kitty on the other.

And it's just beautiful. It's very beautiful. But it's just something I took to heart. Yeah, they have excellent taste. They really do. Yeah, I mean just that wonderful juxtaposition of Hello Kitty and religious iconography. Yeah, no. It'll get you in a lot of different places in your heart.

I'm not really a germaphobe, though. I just want to say I'm like I should be more of a germaphobe, but I had this like studying in science class in high school. I was like, oh, there's germs on everything? Well. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? What are you going to do? What are you going to do?

They're on everything. They're tiny ghosts. It's like little tiny squirming poltergeists on everything you can't see, but they do exist, unlike ghosts. But you know what I'm saying. I will push my – I do my tweets push to Facebook, which my mom and stepdad are on, so they can see tweets. And I rarely tweet anything sincere. I mean I think I'm – I personally find sincerity on the internet repelling. I don't think we should do it.

I'm coming out against internet sincerity. It's a good stance. But I for some reason was enjoying doing tweets from the perspective of someone who's indignant about vaping. Like someone who's like, fuck it. I should be able to vape wherever I want to. I did something about not wanting to go home for Christmas because my stepdad won't let me vape at the table. And he did pull me aside and ask about that when I went to visit them. He's like, I just wanted to ask about the Facebook post.

I'm like, oh no. Then I had to explain tweeting in character and what I thought about vape culture. It was a lot of layers. Yeah, it was a very hard – Look, Jordan, if you want to vape in my house, just – I want you to be welcome. I know I'm not your biological dad, but I want you to consider me part of the family. So let's vape.

Jordan, if you want to borrow my cream soda vape juice, I made it myself. I got custom vape juice. What do you think I do in the basement all night? Did you get a vape pen situation for that holiday season? How sweet would that have been if they got you a vape pen? Oh, I know. It's like we've seen that you've been a little, you know, we want to be supportive of you and your lifestyle. I mean, it's not the healthiest habit in the world, but there's worse things and you're a good boy.

So here's a custom-made steampunk-inspired vape pen and a couple of our custom juices. We know you like Cherry Coke. This one tastes like Cherry Coke. Sure. Ah, what a magical Christmas. What a magical, smelly, douchebag Christmas that was. When was the last time either of you vaped? Oh, you know, someone brought a vape pen to the bachelor party to have marijuana out of.

I don't – not shocking to me. Yeah. Not shocking. When was the last time you vaped, Dave? Vape talk. I similarly did a weed vape once. But one time I – like months ago, I vaped thinking it was marijuana and it wasn't and I was so mad. I was like, you have wasted my money.

You were recreationally vaping? Yeah. Well, that's how I felt. Without getting high? Did I just imbibe vapor for no reason? For no good reason. Like a goddamn jerk. Although I will say more recently than I have vaped, I have looked at the hashtag vape life on Instagram, which is a rabbit hole that I would fall down every day if I could.

I love rhythmic vaping videos. Those are really fun to watch. Rhythmic? Is that like blowing the O's? Yeah. I mean, it's when you kind of vape along to music. It's usually intense dubstep, some Blink-182. Those are the two genres I've found the most are just like, you know, when the bass drops, you really let out a cloud, a poof.

I did not know this was a thing. If it's dubstep, it's tiny rings, a lot of little tiny rings for the buildup. And then when the bass drops, boom, the cloud comes out. Horowitz, how did you know about this? Boom. Wop, wop, wop. The cloud comes out. Horowitz, how did you know about this?

I'm telling you. I watch vape videos on Instagram all the time because, I mean, this is – if you – any – sorry. This is like – I think I've unlocked a little passion of mine. Yeah, clearly. Because I do love it. It's so – it's insane. Dave is loosening his tie. He's getting so passionate about this.

This is a subculture that I couldn't – like I will never personally know anyone who is a passionate vaper who makes their own juice or their own pens and who sits in front of their computer and makes rhythmic vape videos. But we are alone because the rest of the country, any hashtag with vape you can think of has at least 600,000 hits. Yes. Also, unrelated, the hashtag corn babes. Corn babes? Which I just guessed maybe would have some. Yeah. Has a decent amount. Okay.

This is – What are you getting when you're searching a hashtag corn babes? What are you looking for? An oversized hoodie, a lip ring. Oh, with a K. K-O-R-H, babes. Yeah, there's some head-banging videos you'll see. Also some crossover with the vape community, which shouldn't surprise anyone.

I would expect the R to be backwards, but you need like a special Russian alphabet to achieve that. You need a different emoji. Yeah, there is a new metal alphabet you can download. You've got to install the newMetal keyboard on your iPhone. Sure. But I have – And it automatically corrects biscuit to biscuit. Did you mean biscuit?

I did. A little punk rock paper clip. Yeah, clippy. NuMetal clippy. Someone please draw that. Someone please draw NuMetal clippy. I do think – You should have a little goatee.

Yeah, maybe like a – oh, yeah, an upsetting goatee. Does he have a wallet chain? Yes or no? Oh, you know new metal Clippy has got to have a wallet chain. A wallet chain maybe made out of smaller paper clips and an eyebrow ring. Yeah. In high school, I wanted an eyebrow ring and somebody very correctly told me that it would probably be pretty hard to see because my eyebrows are gigantic. That's considerate.

But what I will say is – and I don't – I wouldn't want to go over your head and ask your listeners to do anything. No. But a really interesting – I wouldn't say fun because sometimes it gets real. Something you can do along these lines is you can go into Instagram and just search for hashtags that you think sound sad. And the results are pretty spectacular. Like sick of this shit. Just another Monday. Dumped again.

Tired. Hashtag bored is really good. Oh. Yeah. Dad was wrong. Sounds like they could have some awful story associated associated with it what about divorce is final oh shit do you think that would be the bleakest because who's who's on instagram that's divorced someone is just late 30s maybe tons of people i want to see hold on i want to see what the last um instagram hashtag that i

looked up was i'm gonna get fun game i'm'm going to get confessional on you. Yeah. Actually, thank you for doing – I'm glad we have some like real-time content that we're generating here. I think this is great. I will say that just a final note about rhythmic vape videos is that it is a really great way to see America's most depressing bedrooms. Like a little bit of America's most depressing bedroom is in the background of every vape video. Oh, so many of those weird vertical blinds. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Those ones that are like, oh. Those hanging blinds that come with your apartment. So many cords in the background. Yes, a lot of cords. And there's always a printer in the corner. The last hashtag I looked at, I just looked it up right now, was hashtag ladies who lift. And it was all videos of women doing deadlifts and squats and like flexing like dudes. Yeah. Impressive.

Sounds like they squat, bro. Yeah, they squat, bro. And they do lift, bro. Oh, no. I think I completely forgot what I was going to say. That's okay. Pretty intense. Vaping.

It was because you've been vaping. I was going to say, it's like the vapes got into your brain, Dave. Oh, sir. I've got a case of the vapes. Vaping. It was because you've been vaping. I was going to say, it's like the vape's gone into your brain, Dave. Oh, sir. I've got a case of the vapes. Lordy lord. I remember what I was going to say. They should make a mint julep vape juice for southern bells. For swooning southern bells.

I guarantee you that exists. Yeah, it's got to. Yes, talking about upsetting, depressing bedrooms reminds me of one of my favorite tweets ever by Karen Kilgariff, which is, behind every YouTube blogger is an Ikea bookshelf. Vape videos is a great place to catch a glimpse of a defunct video game system that no one has had for 20 years. This guy's still rocking a Panasonic 3DO back there. Are there a lot of leather couches? A lot of black leather couches? Puppy ones that used to belong to your step-uncle?

Yeah. Yeah. Right. Someone's cousin brought them over a couch. Yeah. An overstuffed recliner with, like, a San Diego Chargers blanket on it. You guys. Well, guys, now that we're a little bit bummed out about bedrooms,

why don't we take a little break, and we'll back with more life hacks on Jordan, Jesse, Go. Sounds great. Oh, hey there, everybody. I'm Guy Branum and welcome to Pop Rocket, a new weekly show picking over the pop culture we all love to love. With me to talk TV, film, music, and anything else entertaining are journalist Margaret Wappler, academic, writer, and DJ Oliver Wang, digital strategist Winner Mitchell, and comedian Santina Muha.

It's an intellectual and incredibly snark-filled discussion about pop culture by five cranky Hollywood 30-somethings. No name-calling, no rudeness, just straight talk and a lot of role-play. I'm only 30-something

for another year. Me too. And I don't tell anybody I'm 30-something. Pop Rocket comes out every week from MaximumFun.org. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm Allie Sappy Camper Ward. Dave Horwitz, little cutie.

Okay. All right. The nickname section is no place for a plug, Dave. Get it in where it fits in, buddy. All right. All right. DaveHorwitz.com. Desecrating the sanctity of the nickname segment to plug his hit podcast, Little Cuties.

You got me doing it. Now I'm plugging. Oh, man, we're all part of that vape life. Yeah. It happens. Wait, I can think of a different one. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah, okay, let's go around.

Just try not to have something so selfish and cynical, Dave. All right. Welcome back to Jordan, Jesse, Go. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm Allie, Little Cutie Ward. What? Oh, Jesse, go. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm Allie, little cutie ward. What? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay, guys.

Now you're plugging Horowitz's cast. I'm sorry. We're all just pawns in his. Pawncast. Yeah. I incepted this. Oh, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You think you're thinking for yourself, but I've snuck into your subconscious and jammed it in there. You're a puppeteer of existence. Yeah, I got my hand up your brain hole. Oh, man. Work in my mouth like some sort of twisted Jeff Dunham. Not that Jeff Dunham isn't already pretty twisted himself. Yeah. Can your new name be Brainbanger?

Yes. Dave Brainbanger Horwitz. Oh, my God. Wait, that makes me want to be like a Criss Angel style cerebral magician. Your one vape pen and an eyebrow ring away from it. In a deck of cards. Oh yeah, you do need a deck of cards. I have a magic deck in my nightstand.

What? Magic the Gatherer? Why do you keep winking when you say that? Well, it's involuntary. When I hit a certain amount, it's like pheromones. I just can't stop winking I do have a magic and it's just I mean it's just one of those like tried and true lines like I own the Jurassic Park adventure set right exactly I've got a magic the gathering deck in my nightstand

it's true it's been there for a long time sometimes I bust out and I was like anyone want to play magic do you play magic want to tap some mana? That's the only thing. That's my only magic reference. Magic reference. I used to play it so much that I used to think to myself I'd start falling asleep and I'd be like, I have to get up and brush my teeth. How much mana do I need to tap? And then I'd be like, Ward, Ward, you're thinking of magic again.

It's pretty sad. Did I mention I was a virgin until I was 19? There we go. Yeah, you didn't, but thank you for what's all. That's not even that old. That barely even qualifies you. There we go. That's not even late bloomer territory. 19? You don't think so? Nope. I didn't kiss a boy until I was 16. I'm still waiting to lose my virginity. I was kiss 17, virginity 18. Oh, okay. That's pretty good.

That's a pretty good progression, though. Yeah. It was a steep slope for you. Oh, I mean, once I got that kiss in, the panties dropped a year later. About a year later. You're fine. Yeah. Okay. As long as we're given our numbers, Dave, what's your kiss?

What's your cherry blast? You guys. It's the grossest. Cherry blast is my favorite Mountain Dew flavor. It is. Oh, no. It's only available in Las Vegas. Cherry blast is my favorite Mountain Dew flavor, my favorite stripper, and my favorite lube.

Verge, 18. Kiss, I guess that would be 14? That's pretty young. Yeah. That's like a post-Cotillion, like your dad's about to pick you up. My first kiss was a dude. Really? Yeah.

Oh. And it's a bum dude. Really? Yeah. Oh. And it's a bummer. Well, it's not a bummer, but. Was it an uncle? I'm just kidding. No. Those are some of my favorite dudes. Unfortunately, I wasn't close with my uncle.

I wish. Yeah. He lives in Pittsburgh. Lame. I would have had to take a plane to kiss that dude. It's a bummer. You probably got some air miles, huh? Right. Jump on that plane. Show that dude. That's a bummer. You probably got some air miles, huh?

Jump on that plane. Show up at Uncle Phil's house. I'm really sorry we talked about this. Uncle Phil from the Fresh Prince of L.A. I just want to say, rest in peace, Uncle Richie. I'm really sorry. I'm sorry I joked about it. Soon you'll be kissing him in heaven. Soon?

Oh, yeah. I'm going to kill you at the end of it. What do you know that I – oh, my God. Please don't kill me. No. It's – so my – so I was I think a late kiss bloomer because I was in like – I think the summer going into ninth grade and I ran with like a real fast crew, a bunch of cool artsy weirdos who like smoked cigarettes and had facial hair.

Whoa. The dudes. And I had like a huge crush on this girl and had no game, zero game. Not like now. Yeah. Or I'm like a real smooth operator. Yeah, yeah. Hashtag geek chic.

Hashtag geek chic. Now you got a podcast and a buddy with three Jurassic Park movies. Yep. So let's just say I do all right. Yeah. But. Can't keep the pee away from this guy. So people were playing a game called Kiss Everyone in the Driveway.

That is so specific. Oh, that classic game. Yeah. That classic elementary school favorite, Kiss Everyone in the Driveway. And if you want to know the rules, refer to the title. But I was like an outlier. Everyone was whatever, super experienced. They were all pregnant or – you know, like they were just cool early bloomers.

Sure. And I was like really biding my time like wondering, am I going to get to kiss Steph? And she said, Dave, I'll kiss you if you kiss Dan. And I weirdly – I don't think – I think my poker face is horrible now and has always been. But in that one moment, I was like unflappably – I just – something kicked in where I said this needs to happen. You need to do this and you need to not hesitate at all. And I was like, all right. And so a semicircle formed and I kissed my good friend who's a dude and he pulled away.

And I will, this is insane because I will never forget that he, it was like a full on kiss as there's a first ever in my life and he pulled, he pulled away and he went, damn Dave, you kiss like a man and everybody went, Oh, like erupted. It was like high fiving. And, uh, then I got to kiss. And you know what I remember about it? Nothing. No.

I don't remember shit about that. But I remember everything about the first one. And it was this guy. Did she say, you don't know if she kissed like a man with Steph? Oh, I'm sure I didn't. I'm sure I was just like quivering and nervous. Like I'm sure at that point, because I didn't care about the first one. Right.

What a wonderful, like positive group of friends you had. I know. I love it. That didn't, at that age, just do something homophobic but cheered you on. I know. Oh, no, no. The student body around, exempt from my group of friends would have been like, what the fuck? Yeah, yeah.

But no, we were all cool. You were hanging out with cool pregnant chicks anyway. Cool weirdos. Cool preggies. Cool weirdos with, you know, Kool-Aid in their hair and a dream in their heart. Sure. And a chain on their wallet.

And a costume set of fairy wings on their back and paperclip earrings and all that. And probably maybe a Magic the Gathering deck in the side table. Somewhere. Listen. Yeah. Nothing wrong with that. I think that's adorable, and I'm really glad that you shared that. And probably maybe a Magic the Gathering deck in the side table. Somewhere. Sure. Listen. Yeah. Nothing wrong with that.

I think that's adorable and I'm really glad that you shared that. Thank you. How is Dan? Are you and Dan Facebook friends? Yeah. And how's his life? He's great. He lives in New York.

Beautiful girlfriend. He's a, what does he do? I think he's a, some cool, he's a consultant, which is like, what does that even mean? Is he a kiss sultan? Yeah. No, he's a consultant and a kiss sultan. Got it. Got it.

In my heart, he'll always be the kiss sultan. You've got to get in touch and just be like, thinking about you, man. That's great. I think that's a great, that's a good kiss story. Way to go. It's a great kiss story. It's a great kiss story. But then, you know, for the rest of high school, I remained utterly unfuckable.

No. I didn't have any like, that didn't propel me into some cool, confident – Did you hear about Horowitz? He kisses like a man. He's cool. He's like a cool, confident dude. Nothing – he's unflappable. It was just like, you know, back when a 14-year-old believed that a friend zone would exist, I hung out there for a while.

Sure. Okay. Don't people still believe in the friend zone? They shouldn't is what I'm saying. Yeah. I think the friend zone, it's weird. I mean I think it's something that every guy has felt. Let's not even say guy.

I bet so too. That was unnecessary of me to gender that. I've been friend zoned before. All that means is I like you, do not want to mate with you. Sure. That's all that is. It's so funny how there's some guys that get so pissed about it. I think it's just so associated now.

That concept is so associated with like Gamergate dudes, men's rights activists. Right. That it represents something very wicked now, I think. Sure. Sure. Even if it is like, you know, I think everyone knows what it's like to feel like you like someone and it's not to they don't like you the same way but yeah i think talking about it in the using the term friend zone now it's just so loaded i feel like ouch yeah that's the whole point of existence is you try to find someone that will let you mate with them sure and it's not going to work out 100 of the time or else we

nothing would evolve well just just the mere idea that wanting somebody wanting to be your friend is like is an insult. I know. How dare you care about me as a human being. I just want to hang out with you and like you and learn stuff about you. You fucking bitch. I got a fucking boner over here. You're going to give me blue balls?

Fuck you. It really does feel that way if you're a lady. Like I've gotten some pushback from some dudes and I'm like, what? Yeah. Yeah, I bet it's a real shitty feeling to think something is going well friendship-wise with someone and then them bailing when they learn that you're not going to fuck. Right. I bet that's an awful feeling. But can you imagine? Because I've been friend-zoned by dudes before that I was like, I would date you.

And they're like, not mutual. And I'm like, that's cool. I can't imagine a world where I was like, what? You don to hit this what is this why did we hang out why did you make all that time i can't you would just be like this bitch is crazy like there's no world where a girl could get out of that unscathed they'd be like oh she's also psychotic sure but yeah it's totally fine for a dude to do that but yeah it's like you like you owe me or something but yeah, it's totally fine for a dude to do that for some weird reason. Like you owe me or something. But yeah, can you imagine if a girl did that to you? Has a girl ever done that to you? What?

Freaked out, like so mad that you don't want to mate with her? Uh, no. No. Right, but if she did, what do you think? If she was like, you're deleted off my Facebook. I'm telling all my friends that you're a tease. You'd be like, you're weird. Yeah, that would be insane.

Totally insane. But yeah, probably happens all the time due to lady in the gaming community in the gaming community right that's gamers uh yeah but i and i think uh i had a thought about this it probably wasn't that good anyways uh well let's let's get out of this friend zone guys and move on to the uh holy shit i can't believe you got to do that zone. Okay. Allie, you got to throw out the first pitch at a baseball game. I did do that.

How did that come about and what was it like? Well, I am a correspondent on the Henry Ford's Innovation Nation. Sure. CBS Saturday mornings. It's a great science show. I should not be swearing on a podcast because I am a correspondent on a children's show. Sure. So just please don't tell anyone.

We'll put out a kid-friendly version. Right. We're just a pig oinks every time someone swears. Oh, I would love it if you did that. Oh, God. I would not get in any trouble. And because you're a CBS employee, though, you're not permitted to swear, but you can say bazinga every time. I can say bazinga.

I can 100 percent say bazinga. Maybe just for the rest of the podcast, if you feel the urge to swear, just say bazinga. I'm going to please do that. Wait. I think that's a good call, but I also have an alternate pitch I'll throw out there. Sure, yeah. Dave, let's get some alts on this. Let's just have Allie say whatever she wants, and then if we have to bleep it out, we'll insert the end of the Two and a Half Men theme song where it goes, man.

That's a CBS property too. That's free, baby. There's all sorts of fun CBS integration I think we could be doing with the podcast, but we're not. So thank you for giving us a reason to do that. Can we just have Chuck Lorre burping over whatever I say? Yes, Chuck Lorre will come in and belch. We'll have the sound of a Model T backfiring.

Perfect. Any who's old. This was from your work on television and not from your work on podcasting. Exactly. Yes, they're rewarding in different ways. Very different. But I got asked, they're like, hey, would you like to throw the first pitch at a Tigers game? And I was like – immediate email back like, boy, howdy, would I?

So they said, great. We'll fly you out. Any particular – are you a favorite child of Detroit or why did that happen? Well, the Henry Ford, which sponsors Innovation Nation. Gotcha. Based in Detroit. And so the Henry Ford will sometimes be like a, you know, we'll have a night at Tiger Stadium. So then they get to have someone.

Last year, Mo Rocca did it. And this year, Mo Rocca's probably like, I'm over it. And they're like, we'll get the other person from the show. Whatever her name is. Anyway, I was really nervous about it. So Detroit, so the only people that ever throw out the first pitch, so Mo Rocca did it, you, Kid Rock, and then Violent J. Yeah, Violent J, Jack White, and then the mayor would do it, but I believe he's incarcerated. That's a little bit of a problem. So they had me come out and do it, and I practiced ahead of time a bunch.

And then right before we went on, I was so nervous. And they got one of the guys that orchestrates it. It's like, come down in the tunnel below where the locker rooms are and we'll throw some pitches. I'll check out how bad you are at this. And I had pre-gamed by watching Carly Rae Jepsen and Fitty Cent. Both of whom were very,

very mortifying. Now, I've seen the Fitty Cent. I've seen that. That's one of the... Gotta Go Down is one of the worst first pitches of all time, right? No, Carly Rae. Carly Rae, you're like – Really? Like she should have gotten a CAT scan after that.

Like something's wrong with her. Like I'm worried about her. What did 50 Cent do that was so terrible? It's just like not even close to the right direction. Right. He just like threw it off to the side kind of. Like if you were – let's say Home Plate were at noon, 12 o'clock. He threw it at like 10. Oh, wow. Just like – if you were, let's say, home plate were at noon, 12 o'clock, he threw it at, like, 10.

Oh, wow. Just, like, and people were ducking out of the way. It was, like, not where the plate was. Curtis. Right. And he was, it was mortifying. Anyway, so I was nervous. Wait, so what, and what was CRJ's like?

She spiked it on the mound. It's like she went to throw it, and she just immediately, like, I don't even think it made it farther than the mound itself. Like it was something where I was like – Didn't clear the mound. Exactly. And granted she's like 4'8 and Canadian so she gets a double pass. But still I was like are her motor functions okay? Well, I would call her the original cutie.

The original little cutie. She is the original cutie. She's one of them. Yeah. She's a cutie. She's a tiny, tiny one. She should be on the show. She should be on the show.

You guys think you can get Jepsen? Yeah. I hope yeah I'm sure we can I'm one degree removed from her we are both one degree removed we know her choreographer there you go

that's a great you guys should you guys should both book Jepsen yeah we'll get we're literally one text away from the cutest Canadian sure

this conscience has to offer let's do it okay anyway cutest Canadian are you forgetting Mr. Rick Moranis oh you're Canadian are you forgetting Mr. Rick Moranis oh you're right

are you forgetting Mr. Rick Moranis he's a little chipmunk real quick yeah Rick come back yeah

we miss you we know you recorded an album of joke country music a few years back but that's not the same I think our movies need you does he have a twitter

no he's not oh he might have a twitter he's kind of like off the grid a little bit I think does he need a cat scan do we need to check in? No, he's not. Oh, he might have a Twitter. He's kind of like off the grid a little bit, I think. Does he need a CAT scan? Do we need to check in to see how he's doing? He took some time out to raise his kids. He very famously kind of removed himself from Hollywood but has said that he'll come back if there's a compelling enough reason.

So I'm assuming he just like reads scripts every now and then and is like, no. Yeah. So this podcast will probably do it reads scripts every now and then and is like, no. Yeah. So this podcast will probably do it. I think, yeah, this will. I think that a lot of really cool stuff is going to happen because of this show. This episode is going to be, well, this is the viral episode. This is the viral episode. So yeah, I mean, I think it will lead to my eventual death because I will slip and fall

in a bathroom from trying to kick a toilet flushed. Do it in heels. You'll get this. You got this. It's fine. I'm going to kick a toilet flushed. Do it in heels. You'll get this. You got this. It's fine. I'm going to join the vape community. Dave's going to vape, and then I think Rick Moranis is going to come back to Hollywood. I'm going to do Magic the Gathering competitions for money, and I'm going to get sponsored.

Oh, yeah. By like a Sith elf or something. I don't even know what they are. Yeah, sure. A magical faction will pay you to use their orc or their elven death machine. Minotaur, fire. Hey, Allie? Yeah.

Oh, I just got one question for you. Yeah. When that happens, let me showrun the Nerdist web series about it. You can absolutely showrun the Nerdist web series about it. Okay, good, good, good, good, good, good. Just get me some good SEO and we're good to go. Have people tried to talk you into playing Hearthstone? I don't know what that means.

This is the online Magic the Gathering kind of knockoff. You want to do an IRL. I'm all analog when it comes to Magic the Gathering. I like to feel the weight of the cards. I like to shuffle them. Touch the paper. I want to smell them. I want to get them sticky with Southern Comfort and Mountain Dew or whatever I used to drink.

I think it was Southern Comfort and Dr. Pepper. And Cherry Poppers, right? What are we saying? Cherry Blaster. Cherry Blaster. Oh, I wish I – see, I apologize for not being better with a callback on this show. Guys, I got this. It's okay.

Bachelor Party haze. You got Bachelor Party brain. It's fine. I'm so jet lagged. I'm – anyway. So you're in an underground baseball bunker practicing with – is this a player from the team? He's like an assistant coach. He's the guy that's like the liaison, right?

He tells you like go on the field, do this. And so I throw one and he's like, you're amazing. You're so good at this. And I was like, dude, I practiced. He's like, I don't even know why you're worried. You've been wringing your hands for like two hours. You've got this. Like you're better than a lot of the guys that come down here. Like just throw it like practiced. And he's like, I don't even know why you're worried. You've been wringing your hands for like two hours. You've got this. Like, you're better than a lot of the guys that come down here.

Like, just throw it like that. You're good. You're better than Shaggy 2 Dope. He's like, you're better than most of the players on this team. He gave me so much confidence. Wow. So much better than King Hawk. You're better than most of the players on the team.

And most of them. Yeah. And he's just – so I was so confident. I went out there and I fucked it up so bad. What happened? Right before I went on, I got incredibly nervous because it was like whatever, like 20,000 people. And then right before I went on, they also said don't throw it too hard because you might injure the player. And he has a very lucrative contract.

You might injure the catcher? You could injure the catcher because it was like one of their good players okay no mask and so like don't throw too hard and so i was like i don't know how hard to throw it that does seem like an unnecessary amount of pressure i don't know and i just screwed up so bad and it bounced and i think the only time i'm ever going to pitch well is that one pitch in the tunnel that nobody saw yeah that is never gonna i'm never gonna get any glory so then I threw it like a T-Rex. I threw it like an

idiot. And it bounced and then they had like a seven-year-old throw a pitch after me because there was like a kid's club and he nailed it. And the whole crowd was like, wow. And I was like, I just walked away in shame. Yeah, but no one listens to that little asshole's podcast. No one listens to his podcast. So you've got that. That's a good point. Like he doesn't have a science

show. Let's see how many Instagram followers he's got. Yeah. Probably in the low thousands. Probably in the low thousands. The low thousands. His cloud score. No cloud score for that little bastard. No cloud.

He's not scoring cloud bonuses left and right. No, he's not. Anyway, so. He's not getting free early access to Hulu Originals. Is that all you guys get on cloud these days? I feel like that's the only. I don't know. Hey, there's something to be said for Hulu Originals. Is that all you guys get on clout these days? I feel like that's the only... I don't know. Hey, there's something

to be said for Hulu Originals. And that thing is watch Resident Advisors now on Hulu. Any other plugs? Anything else? Anything else? Oh, plug in Horowitz

over here. Yeah, watch Hannibal. Plug in, shuck in, and jive in. I got nothing to do with Hannibal, but it's back, baby. Is it good? Oh.

Is it good? Hannibal is like a beautiful, bloody opera on network television. Do you get creeped out by blood? No. It's not real. I know, but it looks so real. I watched a few Hannibals. It didn't really take for me, but I'm willing to revisit

it because people love it so much. I was really shocked at the goriness of it, It's really insane. It's on network TV. Yeah, it's a weird exercise in gore heightening. They just keep going and going. How gory does it get? Like eyeballs popped out? What? At one point there's a human

totem pole. Okay. How does that work? With impaling? You gotta watch this show, baby. It's not a human centipede totem pole. They aren't shitting in each other's mouths. No. No, no, no. These are all corpses.

Oh, okay. Oh, thank God. Yeah. Because I thought it was – Oh, good. I was just about to be like, I recently saw a corpse and I was like, Ali, don't tell a funeral story on a podcast. That's terrible. Okay, I'm too scared of things.

I can't watch zombie shit. Like actually watching zombies and like flesh rotting, I'm like – my brain is like, no, that's real. It's scary. The only thing that truly is scary that I don't like watching is – well, I'll amend that and say the only kind of thing that will actually scare me that I'll watch is a horror movie where there's humans. Like say The Strangers, which is about like home invasion. Because those are people who are just insane and want to murder people. But if it's, if it's like a spooky monster story, that's not going to scare me because

there's no such thing as monsters. What about Hannibal? He's a person. Yeah. But it's the, that world is so heightened that it's like, I saw a really, I saw a really creepy movie the other day called the Iceman, which is based on a real story. And it's Michael Shannon. Yeah.

Yeah. It's Michael Shannon is this contract killer who killed over 100 people. And I haven't gotten a chance to watch it, but there's a documentary that's two hours of just this cold-blooded killer, and it's actually him just sitting in a chair answering questions. It's this guy who was able to have like a whole – his name is Koplinsky, not Richard Koplinsky. I forget what his first name is, but he killed 100 people and was able to have a separate

family life with a wife and two kids. Yeah. And it didn't all come crashing down for him until he had, yeah, killed 100 people. Dude, I don't even know 100 people. How do you find that many people to murder? I don't know. Twitter. You got to network.

Yeah. He was doing this in the 70s though, right? Oh, sure. I guess like – So you got to go analog. That was even before BBS. Sure. Right.

Richard Kaplinsky. It was Richard. Richard. Okay, cool. So did they interview his wife and she's like, oh man, I just thought he worked at a car dealership. It was crazy. He would lie and say he was like not a day trader, but he was just, you know, getting massive sums of cash and telling her that it was, he was an acquisition, just some kind of a thing. She knew he was murdering but thought it was just a hobby. No. She didn't know he was doing it professionally. Right. That was the part that came as a surprise to her. Yeah.

There's so many tax problems with that. Oh, yeah. I know. Sure. Right. But that is, that was a truly, I finished that movie and thought like, why did they make that movie? Yeah.

It's the kind of thing where it was set up like a cool, you know, like a Zodiac or a, I don't know, a Goodfellas or something. But there wasn't a ton. It was just this, he's a horrible man. Yeah, yeah. He's a terrible man who was mean to people and got angry. I think they, it seemed to be they were shooting for something Goodfellas-y. Yeah.

It seemed to be like, we can Goodfellas this thing. I mean, to the, yeah, I mean, and Ray Liotta's even in it. But the weird thing about it is that Goodfellas is this – they're charismatic monsters. There's cool music. This movie is just a mean, detached man, killed a lot of people. And Winona Ryder was his wife. And that's cool that she's still in movies. Yeah.

I kind of still have a soft spot for her. Well, I mean, you know that I'm Lydia Dietz all the way. Right, right. You're full Dietz? Full Dietz. Also... I'm Team Veronica, but whatever. Interesting. I mean, I love Veronica, too, but what I will say is, Allie, maybe both of you can speak to this. Sure, sure. I've noticed something.

Maybe it's just a summer 2015 vibe, but I've noticed that for, like, hip ladies in Los Angeles, maybe especially in the East Hollywood area... Sure. You're going... Lydia Dietz is... You're going East to, let's say, let especially in the East Hollywood area. Sure. You're going –

Lydia Dietz. You're going east. Let's say east of Highland. Sure. Sure. Let's just create some parameters so people can envision this. Sure. Let's say east of Highland, north of Wilshire.

If that means anything to you, listeners, if not, just think about this. Los Angeles is teeming with Lydia Dietz's. Lots of Dietz's. We got that black hat. We got these straight black bangs. I'm seeing that hat everywhere. Right. I'm seeing it at the artisan cheese shop.

I'm seeing it at the cool themed bar restaurant. The salted caramel ice creamery. I'm seeing it at the $9 smoothie bar. If you go to the outdoor Senezbia movie thing, you can't get in without one of those hats. Yes, exactly. Yeah. You got to have a- So then you're- Or, I mean, if you don't go with one, you can still get in without one of those hats. Yes, exactly. Yeah. You got to have one.

So then you're – or, I mean, if you don't go with one, you can still get in, but they have just a bin of them. And they're all just so ill-fitting. It's like, you know, the blazer at the fancy restaurant. Yeah, exactly. You're not allowed in. No, I get it. There's a dark – there's like a dark wave vibe for summer. But I – yeah.

Camera around the neck. Sure. Deet's hat. Chopped dark bang. Guys, I'm looking forward to Dark Wave Summer, by the way. Yeah, Dark Wave Summer is where it's at. Dark Wave Summer is going to be a really hard festival for me. I think I'm going to maybe experiment with some drugs I haven't done before.

Sure. I think I'm going to maybe – I think – I don't know. I'm going to maybe dance with an 18-year-old and I'm not going to be sorry about it. Sorry about it. Something that I noticed in the world of ladies' fashion when I was in Vegas was there were a lot of thin elven crowns. Like someone who was something – I don't know how to describe these crowns. This is not like a queen crown. Are we talking like a tiara style? No, this is not a tiara.

This is something that a fairy princess would wear. Was it floral? Was it studded with any kind of flower? Yeah. Some of them were floral, but some of them were just a little more plain, something like it was made of twine or something. So it was like a renaissance, almost like a renaissance headband. Sure. Oh.

Was it kind of princess bridey? Yeah. That's a good way to describe it. They weren't jeweled. They weren't going full buttercup, but it was slightly buttercup. This is buttercup core, which is how I would call the fashion movement associated with it. It wasn't they weren't jeweled. They weren't going full buttercup but it was no. This is buttercup core. But it's how I would call the fashion movement associated with it.

Honestly. Norm core is over guys. It's all about. Honestly if there was a huge movement of women who just want to dress like Robin Wright Penn from Princess Bride that

would be a big old summer bones boners. Let's hear about some more of Dave's summer boners. In a segment we call more of Dave's summer boners. In a segment we call... Hey, guys, it's me. Wait a minute.

Would you have a boner of unusual size the whole time? Boners of unusual size. Come on. As you wish. Yes. I think that if you pose that as an option, where I was like, I can wear a floor-length thing with a bustier and look incredible, I would do it all the time. Are you kidding?

Do you know how few legs you have to shave when you're wearing a floor length gown made of crushed velvet? Almost none of them. Almost zero legs. Zero out of a possible two. But you throw me in a crop top and I'm like I want to sprinkle holy water on crop tops and just throw garlic at them. Fuck a crop top. I don't know if I've seen you in a crop top almost ever. Ever, never, ever. A crop top is just a laundry mistake at them. Fuck a crop top. I don't know if I've seen you on a crop top almost ever. Ever, never, ever.

A crop top is just a laundry mistake. It's not a fashion movement. I hate it. So you have crop tops available. I'm sure I've – You could wear them. I do, yeah. Just only in private.

Okay. Only in private and webcams. What's the most impressive shoe you've ever flushed a toilet with? That's a great question. Thank you for asking. I mean, I think you are right, whereas a traditional sneaker? That's a great question. Thank you for asking. I mean, I think you are right. Whereas a traditional sneaker would probably be a little easier. But I mean, how high a heel have you flushed a toilet with? I'll be honest. I flushed a toilet recently

with like a four and a half inch wedge sandal. And I wore it to a wedding with a date. And I did not realize that I would be so much taller than my date. I just thought like these are some cool sandals. I didn't realize the height on them and I felt like Frankenstein. And then I just went around stomping toilets without a problem. Toilet stomping. Doing some straight up toilet stomping. Yeah.

Yeah. Fashion is a big dumb stupid thing. That's another. But that is a big another baby big summer thing is the crop top and the high waisted short look. Stop it. Stop it. It's weird.

I don't want – That's not my favorite thing. I don't want my butt to start right below my bra strap. That's too early for my butt to start. It does seem like we are lengthening butts in this nation. It's too much of a runway butt. I feel like you have a whole landing strip for your butt. I'll fully admit that when I see that look, it makes me not understand bodies.

I don't know really what I'm looking at, but I should. I just don't understand if things are being pushed or pushed up or pulled down. It just looks like there's something weird happening to a butt. And honestly, I can't get on board with that. I'm like at the train station, just like letting the crop top high rise pass by and just being like, I'm going to wait it out to low rise in a tunic. Like I'll take the next train. That's coming in four months or so probably, right?

I hope so. You're not going to be at the station that long. You can just get a job at a newsstand and wait it out. Basically, you're going to wait out dark wave summer, but you're going to go whole hog on Ren Faire summer. 100% Ren Faire. Buttercup summer is... Oh, yeah, sure.

Well, guys, let's just go into hibernation and then wake us up in 2016 when Buttercup summer is here. I just want a stein full of crystal light. I'm just kicking it. Wouldn't that be nice? Yeah. That would be nice. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, Go.

I'm Cameron Esposito. I'm Rhea Butcher. I am Ricky Carmona. And we are the cast members. What? I don't know. Podcastiness of

Wham Bam Pal. That's an action sci-fi movie podcast you can find on MaximumFun.org or on iTunes. And what do we do? News reviews and things you can use. Tons of things you can use.

We break it down so it can forever be broken. Hilarious jokes. Plus sometimes there's a dog in the studio. Sometimes there's a dog here. We'll see you in your earbuds. It's Jordan, Jesse, Go. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm Allie, sappy camper ward. Dave Horowitz, dong warrior.

Just a fun behind-the-scenes little peek for the listener at home. We had to retake the intro to this because of some siren issues. Dave's original nickname, Love and Spoonful, changed it to Dong Warrior. Yeah, I wanted to go a little— What prompted that change, Dave? Take us—pull back the curtain. I just wanted to go a little harder What prompted that change, Dave? Take us – pull back the curtain. I just wanted to go a little harder. I feel like I'm going to –

I hear you. I feel like my energy in this segment is going to be like a little more aggro. Sure. And I just wanted my nickname to match my attitude. I feel like I'm just kind of getting into a groove right now with where my head's at, where I just – I just want to let everybody know that I'm know, I'm feeling pretty virile right now. Sure. Yeah.

I would say there's nothing that makes you more of a little cutie than you trying to come off as a dong warrior. Like there's nothing more adorable than calling yourself a dong warrior. I mean, it's almost like you had a podcast called Little Cuties. Stop. On Feral Audio or something. It's almost like you have a podcast called Slumber Party. Wait a second.

Guys. Pun warriors. Can someone plug one of my things? I'm feeling left out. Has anyone ever listened to that Jordan and Jesse thing? Jordan and Jesse goof? I forget what it is. All right.

All right. Has anyone ever watched the program At Symbol Midnight? That's its full name if you want to DVR it. AT Symbol Midnight. I thought it was Shift to Midnight. DVR it. AT symbol midnight. I thought it was shift to midnight.

But although it kind of could be because you're making the shift into midnight. I know. Sure. Shift to midnight. Shift the number to midnight. That's when your pants just magically just roll right off your body. Sure. Pantsless, you're shifting into midnight. From time to time.

Right. From time to time. By time to time, and from time to time, by time to time I mean every single episode, we like to check in with our listeners for a segment called Momentous Occasions. I don't know. I envisioned you saying time to time just 12 more times

and it made me happy. I'll say it a few more times before the episode. From time to time to time. Time to time. Time to time. Time after time. More stay in the time. Time Bandits. Sure.

Terry Gilliam. Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus. All that. Oh, wait. Can I just say one thing really quick? Yeah, sure. Yeah. Girls don't make passes at Dr. Parnassus.

That's good. Girls do make passes at guys who make Dr. Parnassus. That's good. Girls do make passes at guys who make Dr. Parnassus phones. I won't say that much. Has anybody on that – Dave, on that similar topic of just something you've wanted to say. Yeah. Has anybody – what's been the most groundbreaking public use of Winnie Cooper, Minnie Cooper? Oh. Is this the first one? It seems too obvious. I think I thought of it, but maybe I didn't. most groundbreaking public use of Winnie Cooper, Minnie Cooper? Oh.

Is this the first one? It seems too obvious. I think I thought of it, but maybe I didn't. No. I always thought that they must have done that on purpose. I have one I'm sitting on and I don't know what to do with it. Are you ready for it? Let's hear it. Yeah.

Stockard, Channing, Tatum, O'Neal, Patrick, Harrison Ford. Ooh. That is nice. What am I going to do with that portmanteau of celebrities? That's a great portmanteau. But also a really good portmanteau is Natalie Portmanteau. God damn it, you're right. I, mine

for that, I finally did tweet it, but for a while mine was Dwayne the Mark Ronson. Let's take a phone call, shall we? Hi, this is EJ from Massachusetts, and I just saw something that we all dream of

but never truly believe we will see. I saw a motorcycle with a sidecar, and in that sidecar was a dog, and that dog was wearing sunglasses. That is all. Thank you. That was not only a great, momentous occasion, but well-del well delivered, too. I thought that was really well thought out, great pace, great flow, great delivery.

A plus. That was like listening to a bird sing a song that wasn't annoying. It was perfect. Sure, yeah. Not like those nightingales. We get it, guys. Right. That was like listening to the Beatles come up with Let It Be.

Yeah, sure. They were just jamming on guys. Right. That was like listening to the Beatles come up with Let It Be. Yeah, sure. They were just jamming on something. God. Paul says, hey, here's something I've been working on. They go. A dog in a sidecar. Wearing sunglasses. That's so good.

What do you do the rest of the day? Do you get to just go home and not do anything the rest of the day? Yeah, you just splay out on your bed and just thank God or the universe or whatever for existence. What kind of breed do you think it was? Boston Terrier. I think a golden retriever. Yeah, I was also thinking golden retriever. I pictured retriever.

Some sort of retriever. Okay. I got to go Boston. Do you think that's just because she was in the Massachusetts area or why did you think Boston Retriever? I think it's because- A Boston Retriever? A Boston Retriever. Come here, Boston.

It's a shaggy dog with one of those barrels around its neck, but it's full of dirty Charles River water. Sam Adams. Yeah, that's what it should have been. Sure. Couldn't think of it. Sure. I think maybe because there's a hot dog chain in Boston called Spike's Hot Dogs and the logo is just a rude looking Boston Terrier.

Is he vaping? Oh, God, I wish. This dog sounds like he might have a little bit of a toad, Dave. Yeah, I think he's got a rude toad. What's this dog's toad like? Rude? Rude and possibly a little crude, but definitely skewing more towards the rude. Oh, man.

If I ever have a production company that- A toad that's ruder than it is crude, but- Absolutely. But not devoid of crudeness. God, a Boston Terrier with sunglasses tipped, vaping. And then he – whatever comes out of its mouth is the name of the production company. That's what will be at the end of my failed sitcom. Just go with it.

What music are you guys hearing along with this ride? Like when she looks over and notices this. I think mine's a little bit on the nose. I think it's oom, bop, bop, chicka, chicka. Right, right. Did anybody have any other pitches for a better song to accompany this? I'm feeling like if you are at an outdoor festival and from several hundred yards away, you hear an all- band playing old time rock and

roll tinny okay i feel like it's one of those inobtrusive cover bands okay i'm gonna go night moves by bob seeger oh that's nice what about just the opening 10 seconds of you can call me out over and over again on loop yeah uh let's take our next call hey guys, guys. This is Jordan in Minnetonka, Minnesota. I'm just calling in to report that my neighbor was mowing his lawn, about a 65-year-old man, and his pants fell down. He just went with it. Just kept on shuffling around, mowing his lawn, his pants and his ankles. And I know I'm supposed to keep this timely.

This actually happened a few weeks ago, but it wasn't until today that I was able to confirm that he was just blackout drunk, not dementia addled. So it's funny and not sad. Because, yes, alcoholism certainly isn't funny. Great. Great. Great. Yeah, I love this boy. Two fucking really strong showings in the Momentous Occasion department.

That's a home run. Yeah, I really also like not knowing that your pants have fallen down. That's great. Yeah. I will say, I'm going to assume that there were some form of underwear, a boxer, a boxer brief. Ideally a heart boxer. Yes. The funniest underpants to wear when one's pants just falls down. Can we confirm that he was wearing sock garters? Oh, that would be nice.

Yeah. So, I mean, usually we don't like to do follow-up calls, but I think we do need to know if this guy was wearing heart boxers and or sock garters. Just because if it was nothing, if it was just – I just get worried at a penis being that close to a spinning lawnmower blade. It's reasonable. So I enjoy this call. Penis isn't the same. It's just there's no pants in the way. Yeah.

Pants ain't going to stop that lawnmower, Dave. I guess. If he's going to – I mean if he's going to take a lawnmower to the dick. Gosh. No relaxed chinos are going to stop it. Oh, I just – you know, that far-flung possibility of losing your D to a lot more blade is the only thing keeping me from truly loving this call. Dave, please, losing your bazinga. Losing your man. Yeah. What music do you guys see this happening to?

I'm going to say the opening of Sir Duke. By Stevie Wonder? Yeah. Okay. You know, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, and then just that over and over again as this guy shuffles around. Oh, wow. That's great.

I think some swelling, a swelling thought-provoking score from Cloud Atlas that's like kind of sad. Wow. Yeah, that is a different direction. I like it, yeah. I'm going to go with Surfing USA by the Beach Boys. Yeah, great. This has a fun summertime vibe to it. Inside, outside USA.

Yeah. The guy's just shuffling around with his... Wait, what if it were Skrillex and the pants dropped? Oh, to the beat? Oh, yeah. Yeah. You can see the belt kind of loosening with the buildup and then when the bass drops, boom.

And everybody goes fucking nuts. And your Molly kicks in and you're having the time of your goddamn life. And down comes the Tommy Bahamachinos. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. Alice, happy camper ward.

Dave Horwitz, Jiggy Stardust. Okay. Oh, we were supposed to switch these up each time? No. I just wanted to. What do you think of that? Horwitz is just bonus points. What do you think of that?

That's not bad. No, same nickname is perfectly acceptable. Just think about it. Dave's just off the rails going dong crazy. I'm just saying Jiggy Stardust, just picture Will Smith with David Bowie makeup. Listen, Dave, I'm picturing it and I love it. Okay, good. My point is that you're just being a little reckless. You're working too hard.

Sure. But we like it. Am I being a wild card? You're being a little bit of a wild card. Okay, I'm going to rain it. A loose cannon if you will. I'm going to pull – I mean we're wrapping up. I'll just – I'll rain it in.

I'm sorry. Thank you. I appreciate that. You're tapping all your mana. Although I will say it's your job to keep me in line and you're just letting me go with it. That's true, yeah.

Well, I think, you know, I see in you some of the qualities that I think I lack as a button-down type, as a, you know, starched shirt by the books.

Nine to fiver. Nine to fiver. So, I mean maybe I do roll your eyes my eyes at your you know devil may care attitude but in reality

I think I'm kind of envious and I think in the end you and I are probably going to learn some stuff from each other yeah I think so ideally

wait are you going to be stronger for it oh definitely yeah yeah yeah I definitely think I'm going to be stronger for it change as a person but if we do another podcast we'll kind of just be back to where we were again.

Nobody will acknowledge having changed. Hit that reset button. Ideally. Hey, guys. Now, not before. Now is the time to tell our audience about various places they can look you up online or otherwise. Allie. There's the Allie in Georgia podcast.

That's available wherever podcasts are sold you need to be on our podcast yeah how have you not been on it yet I'm waiting for that slumber party invite I'm waiting for that hot slumber party invite it's slumber party with Ali and Georgia it's on feral audio

it's me and Georgia Hardstark the wonderful and we have guests on and we ask them slumber party questions like favorite midnight snack most embarrassing moments book you're reading we would love we have guests on and we ask them some party questions like favorite midnight snack, most embarrassing moments, book you're reading. We would love to have you on. That would be, I would, I would love to, I would love to talk about midnight snacks. Um, what comes up midnight snack a lot? Um, it's, it's really weird.

We ask people like the things that they do when no one's looking and Cameron Esposito told us that she takes a Reese's peanut butter cup and she has dipped it in salsa and eaten it. Really? What? It's after dark. Yeah, there's some crazy shit that comes up. All bets are off. Yeah, there's some crazy stuff that comes up.

And, of course, your television program, Innovation Nation, starring Mo Rocca and Henry Ford. And Henry Ford and Austin Raleigh. And then on Cooking Channel, I'm on Unique Sweets, which is a dessert program. We're filming season six right now, and that's on Sundays. Dogs, we talk about cookies and stuff. Jeez, lots of places. Lots of places. Lots of places to check you out.

Really. You can find me at Vapetag.org. Hashtag VapelifeCornBabe. Yeah. And just, yeah, hit her up on the Grams, everybody. Find me on the Grams. Allie Ward, y'all. Dave Horwitz.

Lil Cuties. Lil Cuties. Is the podcast. Do you want to describe this program briefly? You kind of did, but is there a hot pitch for this thing? The hot pitch is myself and fellow comedian writer Sean Perlman, a very cute man. And we're just two men in our early 30s fighting tooth and nail to grow up

while not really having to. And it's a show about that, and sometimes we have guests that we consider to be more grown up than us. For example, on upcoming episode, we'll feature bona fide adult Allie Ward. Semi-adult. She fought it pretty hard. That was the first segment I

said, I think you're an adult and then she she squashed that still in question yeah I think once that maybe once the once the magic deck leaves the nightstand then you're

you're on your way a little harder oh no what if I cursed myself ugh no you're fine no I could have cursed myself just say say 13 hail bazingas

sure you'll be fine yeah I should I should clarify. It's L-I-L cuties. Lil cuties, not little cuties. And if you have a second, check out Resident Advisors on Hulu. Sure.

It's an original show about college RAs starring Ryan Hansen from Party Down. And I wrote for it, and all seven episodes are online. And, you know, whatever. Just find me on Twitter or something. There you go. Jesse Thorne will, in theory, be back next week for another program. Yep. That's all.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.