Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 382: Cutting the Cheese Mini-Sode with Kevin T. Porter and Demi Adejuyigbe

Episode Date: June 22, 2015

Kevin T. Porter and Demi Adejuyigbe from the podcast Gilmore Guys join Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of summer boy activities. Please note: because of technical issues with the recording, this episode is only a mini-sode of the last three segments of the full recording.  For completists, a version of the show with the first two longer segments can be found at http://bit.ly/1SEnSUi.  However, the sound quality of those first 50 minutes are not very good.

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, go listeners. It's Jesse. So listen, here's the story. Brian recently got a staff writing job on a television show that shoots in London. So he has been in London. You probably noticed that in the credits of the show. And we have a relatively new engineer recording the show. And he accidentally didn't record Jordan's microphone for the first two segments of this week's show. So it's going to be a mini episode. We've got some fun stuff, some summer boy talk. The delightful guys from the gilmore guys

are on the show and they are so hilarious if you'd like to hear the uh listenable but unpleasantly so uh first two segments of this week's jordan jesse go you can you can go to maximumfund.org and we'll put a link up in this week's episode post. But they don't sound very good, so that's for completists only. And sorry about the mini-sode, but a lot of fun still to be had on this week's episode. Enjoy. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Van Nuys. That's another AM radio jingle. You listen to a lot of AM radio. It's a cheese song? It's Keys on Van Nuys. Keys, Keys, Keys, Keys on Van Nuys.

I don't know what they sell. Is that like Arbor Ann? Yeah. No, I think it's similar, but not. Keys on Van Nuys. I have been listening to a lot of like just. You got me locking on, locking on. Look, it's the summertime. Summer is upon us.

Everybody's getting their Summer Boy t-shirts in the mail right now. We've made some cool Summer Boy t-shirts. And we asked, like, what is the definitional Summer Boy experience to our audience? We got some calls. Let's hear the first one. Is that going to work today. I went out and volunteered at a national park. Tonight I'm going out to see a play with a lovely lady of mine.

Summer boy. Okay. I know that was... I get the intent there. The playing the ukulele to evoke, you know, the beach and a tropical environment. It sounded like a fucking

haunted music box. I think because it was through a phone, through our headphones, that sounded like, you know, someone in the attic of the fucking death house opening the music box and in the mirror, the ghost face. He could have said, I will kill you at the end and it would have been on brand. I'm like, yeah, of course. Yeah, that's what you were getting at.

You're going to kill me. I'm going to, okay. Okay. I'm going to give some, I like to open with the positive when I'm critiquing sure I don't I just like to tear down immediately and then trick them

just like butt I like closing with just a simple declaration of summer boy okay that's what's called a declaration of summer boy sure

is when you just go summer boy it's almost like a hashtag at that point the hashtag is it's all social media with you young people listen I put

Put away your phones and live life. Get a book. Feel the weight. I don't know. When I was your age, I was in Vietnam killing Vietnamese people.

You were in Vietnam? Yes. Not the war. The country. Just went to visit. It's a vacation. I'm a traveling murderer. You've murdered in Prague. You've murdered in Wales. Prague is great because it's a vacation. I'm a traveling murderer. You've murdered in Prague.

You've murdered in Wales. Prague is great because it's a really good murder value. Sure, exactly. You get a first world murder experience. The American gut is strong there. They're very progressive over there. Oh, no. No, that's worse.

Oh, Christ. At some point, Demi handed Kevin a shovel with instructions to dig his hole deeper. I can only presume. I feel like I'm visualizing just a meter of how much of this you're going to take until you're like, I'm sorry. Until I walk out Robert Downey Jr. style. Yeah. Okay. Here's what I have to say.

So that's a positive thing. And while I agree that it's out of my God at Music Box, I'm always glad to hear the ukulele. You know what I mean? Sure. I call it the ukulele. Sure. Because I'm – Respectful towards Polynesians.

Yeah. Which I'm not. So that's two positive things. So that's two positive things. Volunteering in a national park? That's kind of summer boy-ish. I mean, is it a beach park? You wouldn't do it in the winter, though. Or like were you volunteering to grill in a national park?

Yeah, yeah. Or you have to do something explicitly summer-related in the park. Well, if you want to be a real summer boy. Are you volunteering to throw Frisbees in the park? And in conclusion, going to a play is not summer boy shit. Yeah, I mean, I guess. That's some winter man shit. I mean, I guess Shakespeare in the Park.

That was a good pro-gen. Shakespeare in the Park, I would have accepted. I even would have accepted opera in the park. Okay. And God knows I would have accepted Stevie Wonder in the park. Sure. Now, here's the thing. Is he going to a play to get out of the sun and get some free AC?

Oh. That's some song. No, because they don't have AC in theaters, I don't think. That's only movie theaters. What? Did he say, I want to go back to one thing. They just have snoozing in theaters. Oh, that's true.

Theater is boring. Kevin, you had a question. Oh, well, my question was, did he say, I'm going to a play with a special lady friend of mine? I think he said my special girl. Yeah. Did he say my? I thought he said a.

Because in that case, it'd be like, it could be anybody. Or maybe it's someone he wants to be. Could be his mom. His very special. Sure. Or just someone he thinks is special, like a children's librarian. I'm just, listen, I'm just going on what I know about this guy, which is not much. I'm guessing common law wife.

They're skeptical of the institution of marriage. They don't need a piece of paper. They don't want the government keeping track on who they love. And neither does Jordan. You know what I think is some summer boy shit? Hmm. Fucking champagne glamping. Yeah, you want him to champagne glamp?

Start champagne glamping, man. Get your air-conditioned tent. Yeah, get that shampoo on ice. We glamping. You know we glamping, Kevin. You know we glamping. We stay glamping. Hope you like glamping, Kevin. You know we glamping. We stay glamping. Hope you like glamping, too.

Okay, let's take our next call. How are you, gentlemen? I am a summer boy living in the perpetual summer of Los Angeles, and I've decided to combine this year's theme of keeping it sleazy like Sunday morning with my summer boy activities. Dope. I have purchased a terrycloth bathrobe, a faded pleather bark lounger for my front yard, and an obscene amount of tall boys.

Was he popping a tall boy? Was that it? Was that with that crack that we heard? That one could have really used him ending with summer boy. Yeah, he should have said summer boy like the last guy. Now the first guy's not looking so bad, huh? However, front yard, tall boys, that's some summer boy shit. Yeah, but not this

Barka lounger and terrycloth row. This guy sounded real like a guy that thinks he's the dude. Yeah, I mean, I think hearing about it, I'm like, yeah, that sounds fun, but I think if I pass that guy on the street, I'd be like, oh, really? You'd be like, oh, great. The neighborhood guy. Is this a segment where you're the neighborhood

guy? Or we judge our listeners. You just roast your listeners that were nice enough to call. You'd be like, oh, great. The neighborhood guy's out. Is this a segment where you – The neighborhood guy. Or we judge our listeners. You just roast your listeners. Yeah. That were nice enough to call. Here's what – It is something else. Yes. Here's what I think.

I'm going to make a couple little changes to him. Okay. Number one, number one, he can keep the tall boys. That's cool. Hey. I mean, you know how I feel about Champ. You know I'm all about the bubbly. But it's cool. He can have the tall boys if he wants to. That's pretty good. I mean, ideally, it I feel about champ. You know I'm all about the bubbly. But it's cool.

He can have the tall boys if he wants to. That's pretty good. I mean, ideally, it's the champagne of beers. I'm going to kick. I'm going to get rid of this Barker lounger. I'm going to install a chaise, an outdoor chaise, okay? That's number two. Number three, we're getting rid of terrycloth robe.

We are replacing it with terrycloth cabana set. Terrycloth cabana set. Terrycloth cabana set. That is shorts and a short-sleeved button-up shirt. Like a Tommy Bahama. Not like a Tommy Bahama. No, like some dope-ass fucking Don Draper in Hawaii type shit. Spoilers. I'm not caught up yet.

We could refrain from all. Saying we're done, Draper goes. Where are you at right now? Just started season two. Okay. Spoiler. He goes on vacation. Well, shit.

There's no reason for me to even watch it now. Any kind of cabana set is a dope summer boy power move. Like if you can get any kind of Hawaiian shirt that matches with Hawaiian shorts that match it, anything with, like, terrycloth or terrycloth collar, that's what's up. That's summer boy shit. I think if I saw a guy matching shorts and Hawaiian shirt

on my lawn, I would give him the same eye roll as the robe guy. Wait, so this, in your scenario, this guy has brought the Barker lounger to your lawn? Yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Why are you here? I can see why that would be an issue. I mean, how do you get your address for one thing? Yeah. Is there anyone that you would see on your lawn and not give them an eye roll?

No, that's true. I am a cynical, derisive man. No joy. It's like, hey, Jordan, can you sit on your lawn? Everybody gets an eye roll. All the presidents on my lawn. Oh, brother. Enjoy your health care. Let's take another summer call. Hi, Jordan and Jesse.

This is an anonymous caller from Austin, Texas. My summer boy activity is I am making preparations to engage in my first ever threesome, and I could not be more excited. With who? Yeah, that's dope. I mean, where is the threesome and I could not be more excited. With who? Yeah, that's dope. I mean, where is the threesome, I guess? Yes, it's nice of this caller to say anonymous

caller, but we all know that it was Texas Governor Rick Perry. With one of those voice changes to turn him into a woman. Hello, it's me, definitely not Rick Perry. That's right. My name is Big Rary. Oh, Big Rary's got some good legislation.

Oh, yeah. Threesome is some cool summer boy shit. Yeah. I mean, it's a little bit pandering because, I mean, I think anybody knows that if you just call in with any kind of unusual sexual activity, you're pretty much guaranteed to get on because we think it's fun. Yeah, and you can do that any season, though, right? Yeah, that's true, though. I feel like threesomes

are a fall activity. Maybe. Really? You think they're autumnal? Maybe. You know, the leaves are falling off. Everyone's trying to get cozy, prepare for the winter. Fire in the fireplace. Yes. Yeah, I mean, and, you know, I think that, you know, I don't know when you, you know,

when you're in the bed with someone in the summertime and it's hot, you know, I think that, you know, I don't know when you, you know, when you, when you're, when you're, when you're in the bed with someone in the summertime and it's hot, you know, you got to push them. You're like, all right, we can't, we can't snuggle. It's too hot. Right. This is, you got two, you got two draped over you. You rip the cloth off the bed and just lay there. But I mean, I guess they could be doing it in some sort of outdoor shower. Or an igloo.

Or, yeah, an igloo, sure. She's in Austin, Texas. Oh, she is in Austin, yeah. You know how hot Austin's going to be? Oh, but you know some dude erected an outdoor shower in Austin. I lived in Austin. He's a cowboy chic. We both lived in Austin for three years.

You know some dudes erected an outdoor shower, too. Okay. Yeah. Because of their boners. Kevin's spreading through the entire... Kevin, that's a little taste of your own medicine. It's not so great,

is it? Kevin loves it. We got one more summer boy call. Hey, Joe and Jesse, go. This is Skye calling from the Bronx,

calling in with what I'm doing with the summer boy tank that I just ordered. Very excited for that to come in. Every summer, my friends, all my friends from high school and I, we don't see each other that much. We get together, we get a house in the Poconos for the weekend, and we just play wiffle ball for like six hours. See?

And I'm very much looking forward to hitting some wiffle balls. Fucking fruit from the Bronx gets it. This is it. Yeah. I mean, ideally you would be having sex with two

or more of these friends. Right. Ideally. While playing wiffle ball. Ideally this would lead to some sort of group sex and I think we've all played wiffle ball

and I think we all know that it's a great sport to get the juices from. It's the most erotic sport of all. Yes, exactly. It's wiffle ball and highline. Yes's real. It's the most erotic sport of all. Yes, exactly, yes. It's wiffle ball and high line. Yes, exactly.

It's what the Roman emperors played before the orgies. And when my wife and I are sexting, I'll sext her like, what you doing? And she'll sext me back, wiffling. Yeah. That means when I get home, it is on. You're about to run the three. Yeah, hurry home. Talking about Grand Slam home run.

Hurry home. I've got a thin yellow bat. Don't know what that is. Yeah. This is great. I mean, you know, three-way is great too, but I think this is our summer boy champion so far. Yeah. I think we can open this up one more time.

Oh, absolutely. I can almost hear the sunglasses in his delivery too. It's going to be a long – oh, yeah. he was tipping them shades too you know he was he was tipping he's shade tipping very fierce bueller 206-984-4-fun look if something works we're doing summer boy this week we'll go back to momentous occasions next week maybe we'll do summer boy the week after we'll alternate 206-984-4-fun until december yeah is that when summer ends officially? Does for me, baby. Got it. Year round, motherfucker.

One of those nine months of summer. Got it. 206-984- That wasn't me or Demi. I just want to be there and hear about that. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing,juwibe, hot dog vendor of the stars. Kevin Porter, the cheese guy. Are you? Is your thing now that people know you from?

Is this what you're implying, I guess is my question. That people know you as the guy who in the last segment of this show said cool cheese. Yep. He's just like, I don't even have to say it anymore. Yeah, I'm trying to make it. I mean, they have to say it anymore. Yeah, I'm the cheese guy. I mean, they know. The fans know. Dude, you've got to get Adele.

Yeah, like there's the Adele guy and then you're the cheese guy. She's so good, rolling in the deep. He can't walk anywhere. A Adele guy. Fuck you, Kevin. Fuck you. Once a week, this happens to me. Oh, my God.

You are living a nightmare. We got to sum up on the Jumbotron this week, Jordan. That's right. You are living a nightmare. We got something up on the Jumbotron this week, Jordan. That's right. It's the Overdue Podcast. It is a podcast about the books you've been meaning to read. Every week, Craig and Andrew read something they've never read before and have an informed

but unpretentious talk about the story, the author, and whatever tangents spring up along the way. Wait a minute. A podcast with tangents? I know. Crazy. That reminds me of something, actually. I was walking my dog the other day.

Hi. That sounds like the Yelp coming in. Hey, I would go to iTunes or Stitcher and look for the Overdue Podcast. And you can go to theoverduepodcast.com to learn more. I bought Nick Hornby's first book, which I've never read. Oh, yeah? What is his first book? Fever Pit?

Sure. I never read that. I understand that it has Jamie Fallon in it. Yeah. Surprisingly good movie. Sure. There's a lot of lip syncing in the book. It's fun.

I don't know if it's funny, but it's fun. Every other line is, his character laughs. Yeah, exactly. It's fun. I don't know if it's funny, but it's fun. Every other line is his character laughs. Yeah, exactly. It's definitely viral. I'm knocking out some books I've been meaning to read. Just put a nail in the year of magical thinking. Boom. Pow, pow.

And I'm in the middle of Good Omens, so I will be able to participate in conversations now. God, thank God you're reading Good Omens or else fucking you'll never be able to talk to any nerd ever forever. I know, yeah. Good Omens is fun. Yeah, I'm enjoying it. I'm enjoying it so far. Sort of poor man's Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Sure.

That's fair. If you want to get up on the Jumbotron, go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron and we will share your message with the world, whether it's personal or business-related. We can do it. And if you want to sponsor Jordan and Jesse Goh, email Teresa at MaximumFun.org, T-H-E-R-E-S-A, at MaximumFun.org. We'll be back in just a second with more. It's Jordan and Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne. America's Radio.

Jordan Morris, Point Detective. Did you read the hot dog by any of the stars? Kevin Porter, the Gouda wife. Oh, no. Yay. This is the best episode we've ever done. I'm back around on this old Kevin thing. Kevin's great.

Jokes are a flat circle. 180. Sure, yeah. Jesus Christ. It was between that or- Do we all have to do this? thing. Kevin's great. Jokes are a flat circle. 180. Sure, yeah. It was between that and... Do we all have to do this? I think so. Jokes are a flat circle. That's from Cheese, Blue Detective. It works.

24 starring Pepper Jack Bauer. For a minute, in the last segment, there was a moment when Jordan said, Kevin loves blah, blah, blah. And I was gonna be like Jordan said, Kevin loves blah, blah, blah. And I was going to be like, yeah, dislocated shoulder, missed the playoffs. And I'm like, I have standards. I'm just going to say, Kevin love jokes.

You should make Kevin love jokes at the sports audience. It's not even a joke. It's not even a joke. It's kind of a joke. It's just something. Well, guys, it's been a delight to have you on the program. Your podcast is called The Gilmore Guys. That's just Gilmore. There's no the.

It's called The Gilmoremore guys hard e yes yeah t-h-e-e it's a shakespearean thing it's called the the they're a band from the 70s um the gilmore guys uh 75 episodes of the gilmore guys plus an interview uh with with the star of the Gilmore Guys from the guy who runs the diner. But in real life, he was a minor league baseball player. That's true. Yep. Scotty P. Scott Patterson. Scott Patterson.

He has a hamburger joint. A little too handsome probably. Probably made you a little uncomfortable. Oh, when he came in the studio? It's like looking into the sun. Yeah. Sometimes you just got to close your eyes. Give me a break.

He had a glam stone. Can I tell you something about that? Please. Paul Dano. You know Paul Dano from movies? Sure. Dano or Dano? I've never been clear on that.

Dano, I think. Dano and his friends. It's Paul Tomato. You know, you think of him in a movie. Do you think of him as being particularly handsome? No, he's like medium, right? Right. Distinctive looking, you know.

Yeah. No, I think he's good looking, but he's no Joe Manganiello. You wouldn't say hunk. Right. No team beat poster. This guy's a fucking hunk and a half. Oh, sure. Yeah.

You got to be at least a hunk to be in a movie. Jesus Christ. Is that how you got into All About Steve? Oh, yeah. You're in All About Steve? I am. Yes. I remember Eli.

I'm going to watch that tonight. No, don't. Very bad movie. Well, but your scenes. Yeah, watch my scenes. They are very good. I'll find the YouTube compilation. I'm sure someone's made.

Yeah. I had some that were cut out. I was in more of the movie. Are we still plugging us? Yeah. Yeah, what else you guys got? I thought we were plugging Paul Dano. You guys did?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, let's. There Will Be Blood, Criterion Edition. Paul Dano right now, guys. Ruby Sparks, Love and Mercy. Love and Sun, Ruby Sparks, Underscene Movie. Very good. Yeah.

Love and Mercy. Supposedly okay. Love and Mercy is very good. Is it? I enjoyed it, yeah. I thought it was very good, and I hate a biopic. Is it a biopic? Yeah.

It is. Beach Boys. About Brian Wilson. Okay. Do you like a rock doc? Yeah, do I like a rock doc? I'm cool with a rock doc. I watched The Last Waltz recently.

Oh, yeah. I'd be a lot of Last Waltz enthusiasm now that it's on Netflix. I feel like I've been in the peripheral of a lot of Last Waltz talk. I feel like I just watch the thing. Does anyone waltz in the movie? Does anyone actually do it? Yeah, there's some waltzing. Is there really?

Yeah. Great. Okay. No joke. No joke. No joke, Holmes. By the way, guys, Inside Out. You guys want to plug anything?

I want to plug Inside Out. And I want to plug other space on Yahoo's screen. Not involved. Good show. It is. It's really funny. It's very funny. I've been plugged in. I'm sure Inside Out is great.

I am already tired of the I cried during Inside Out tweets. Yeah. Already? They just came like a flood. I'm worried that I will be spoiled for them before I see them. I am already tired of the I cried during Inside Out tweets. Already? They just came like a flood. I'm worried that I will be spoiled before I see them. I'm sure. I don't doubt that Inside Out will probably make people cry. But you're over the hype already. I just, I don't know. I don't like I cried showboating.

Yeah. It's distasteful. That's what our podcast is based on. We do have a recurring segment in which Kevin cries almost during every episode. Just not about my dad, not about the show. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's different. I think you've got to be proud of me because...

I watched so much Kill Borgers! 75 was his favorite number. He wanted me to be a football player, and this is as close as I can get. This is as close? I can get. This is as close? I can get closer than that. Julian Burrell is our producer. Cry in private. Along with the great Brian Fernandez, who is in London, England, working on television

projects. He's still cutting the show. Over there, they call it Laurie Films. Yeah, you got it. Hugh Laurie Films. Hashtag JJ Go. He's cutting the show. Kevin's over here cutting the cheese.

Jesus Christ. I like this show better. Excuse me. Jesus Christ. There you go. There you go. I got him. More cheese puns.

More cheese puns. Fuck you all. Let's go home. I love you, Jesse. Bye. Maximumfun.org. Bye. Bye.