Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 383: Special Money with Carrie Poppy

Episode Date: June 29, 2015

Podcaster Carrie Poppy from Oh No, Ross and Carrie! joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of how Carrie used to transcribe Bachelor talking heads, getting Father's Day cards for stepdads, and Carrie brings in a Guatemalan liquor called Quetzalteca Especial for everyone to try.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. It's cloudy in Los Angeles, Jordan. Yeah. It was raining lately. The mailman.

Yeah. Stopped by my fence and yelled at me, mail carrier. Really? And I came outside. He said, it's raining lately. I don't want to leave your mail outside. Hey, that's like a classic small town mailman move that you're getting here in this urban environment. That's great.

He's full of those classic moves. It's also a classic small-town mailman move to, like, lightly sexual harass any woman that comes to the gate, right? Classic. Like my wife or my employees or whatever. And then he snatches your pie that's been cooling on the windowsill. That's a classic small-town hobo move. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Did you have a lot of mail that would have been – Write special symbols in chalk. Sure, yeah. No dog. Did you have some mail that would have been – I mean any mail I guess doesn't hold up well to water. Well, look. I have a protected mailbox. I'm not a beast.

Sure. I'm not a beast of the sea. I was wondering, yeah. I have a – beasts of the sea, by the way. There's no use in having a protected mailbox. The water just gets in anyway. Yeah, because you live under the sea. So they only accept waterproof mail.

So anyway, I have a mailbox. They have to laminate all their Bed, Bath & Beyond coupons. But like any reasonable job-hating American, anything that comes to my house comes from a popular e-commerce website. Whose name I shall not mention, but I do consider it to be a person, which is why I refer to it as who. Sure. That's how close my relationship is with this popular e-commerce. It's Dave Amazon. It's mountaindobonuspoints.com.

What is the, what did we used to talk about? Coke, Coke, my Coke rewards, mycokerewards.com. I wonder if there's, I wonder if my Coke rewards is still active and, you know, giving out rewards for Coke drinking. Can I tell you that I saw, I, you sometimes on eBay, and we'll introduce our guest in a moment. But sometimes on eBay, I go through the vintage section, looking for things to put in the put this on eBay roundup.

And I saw a shirt with Joe Camel, the symbol of Camel cigarettes. Is it a t-shirt? T-shirt. I can see there being like a Joe Camel button-up party shirtel Cigarettes. Is it a T-shirt? T-shirt. I can see there being like a Joe Camel button-up party shirt. Yeah, that's fair. I had a rush of nostalgia. I realized this was a shirt that my dad had bought with his Camel points.

What was Joe Camel doing, like shooting pool? Yeah, just like looking like, just encouraging children to smoke cigarettes basically and uh yeah it was powerful uh it made me want to smoke camel cigarettes uh and then i remember how much i hated it when my dad smoked my dad quit smoking by the time i was like 11 or 12 um But he still had his gear. He still had his Joe Camel gear around. Oh, you know he had that gear. Well, I mean, my dad- He's not going to get rid of his t-shirt, his koozie. My dad was a heavy smoker, so he had actually earned the Land Rover Defender.

Oh, wow. Yeah. So, I mean, we weren't just going to get rid of that. How would he take me to school, you know? Yeah. The bus? Come on. Jeez.

Just kidding. We couldn't afford a car. But yeah, there you go. With camel points or otherwise. I would imagine that, you know, with the kind of collector culture out there. Right. That maybe some of this Joe Camel shit would be going for big bucks on eBay. Is that the case?

Well, you know, here's the thing about a vintage t-shirt on eBay. Usually they're asking big bucks whether they get it is an open question. Okay. So I want to say they were asking $29. Okay. But there were no bids. So we'll see. You know, here's the

thing. Earl Sweatshirt buys one of those and wears it on Conan or whatever. Yeah. Then you're printing money. Yeah. You just put that Barbara Kruger font on the front. Say, write Supreme on it. Yeah.

Just bedazzle a pot leaf on the back. You got it. That might not be how it works, but yeah, it's close enough. Sure. Same dazzled pot leaf. Same zone. You. Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah, same area. Sure. Same rough area. Sure. Let's introduce our guest to the program. Then I want to talk about something else I saw on eBay. Great. She is the host of MaximumFun.org's own smash hit program, Oh No Ross and Carrie.

She is a regular on the Risk show here in Los Angeles. And she is a regular on the Risk show here in Los Angeles. She is a beloved, I don't know, fun lady. Yeah, I'm glad you're running out of stuff at item three. She's got a master's degree in journalism, which is one more degree than any of us have. Carrie Poppins. Proficient in Microsoft Excel. Not really.

Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, but... Well, you're going to want to put that on your resume. How many words per minute are we looking at with you, Carrie? Actually, okay, I am a very fast typist. Really? Yeah, I think probably like 80 words a minute. But 80 consistent, is that adjusted or gross?

Adjusted. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty good. If it's adjusted, 80 is pretty rock solid. Yeah, pretty consistently. I want to verify this. Can you print out your Mavis Beacon score

for me? Sure. Yeah. I'm going to want to verify this with Miss Beacon. Yeah, I actually had to... I call her Miss Beacon because I'm nasty. Anyway, continue. I did transcribe... High five. I really enjoyed that. It's hard to get across. Yeah. I had to transcribe reality High five. I really enjoyed that. It's hard to get across. Yeah.

I had to transcribe reality TV for a good year. So you have to be very, very fast at typing like ums. That's pretty much the king of Hollywood shit jobs. Oh, for sure. I transcribed an entire season of The Bachelor, but just the talking heads. Oh, wow. Oh, man. Was somebody else in charge of transcribing the rest of it? Yeah.

Who got to transcribe the champagne fights? I've never seen The Bachelor. I imagine that there's some sort of episode every season where people are given champagne flutes and just told to toss them at random. Oh, yeah. There's definitely orchestrated fights. But yeah, I didn't get those. For some reason, what fell to me was all the testimonials.

So, yeah, you just like watch people sit and talk about like basically be forced to say they're in love with someone. What's nice? They start out by being like, he's cool. And then they end up like, yes, I am in love with him. And then you like hear the producer on the other side saying that like, but if you were to ramp that up artificially, then what would you say?

You know? No, I mean. If you were to say that in a better way. No, it's not quite that manipulative, but there would be stuff like, listen, you know, in 10 years, if you're married to this guy, I don't want you to go back and see this and you're like, ah, he's okay. So if that's how you feel, that's fine. But if you feel stronger than that, then I want to hear that.

You're really good at it. Is that kind of the idea was that like, he's going to see this and you're going to want him to think that you think he's got a big penis. It's nice of them to give you that special keyboard with the button that just when you press it instead of a letter, just it types out, I didn't come here to. Yeah. That would have been good. Or, I didn't come here to. Yeah. That would have been good. Or like a push pedal for my foot.

Yeah. It's like an old-time sewing machine. You just step on that. That's what transcribers use, you know. Oh, I didn't know that. You use that to pause as you go. Sure. Oh, well, huh. I think I actually transcribed a show that was on whatever weird network you were on for a while.

Fuel TV? Yeah. Nice. Yeah, a lot of like jump cuts of people skateboarding. I mean, that's it. Yeah, okay. I transcribed some of that. All right, you talk the talk.

Yeah. Sounds like you've worked for Fuel TV. Yeah. I think it was maybe, but yeah. Yeah, I did that too. I'm sure. International soccer action, I believe, is what runs on the channel. Oh, is that right?

Yeah, and like non-NASCAR car racing, like stock cars in Formula One. Oh, okay. I didn't even know those things were different. Funny car drag racing? Yeah, I don't really know that they're different either, to be fair. I suspect they're different. Sure. I mean, I think all the cars are pretty funny, so I don't understand what makes the funny cars the ones that should be called that.

But you know what makes Truckasaurus Truckasaurus, right? Yeah, sure. Shaped like a dinosaur. Oh, I thought it was that he was that. Sure. But you know what makes Truckasaurus Truckasaurus, right? Yeah, sure. Shaped like a dinosaur. Oh, I thought it was that he was extinct. Yeah. No, no, Truckasaurus is alive and well. He's vulnerable to comets.

You know, Truckasaurus is alive and well and the mayor of Detroit. Oh, I had no idea. The honorable mayor Truckasaurus. Is that something that had to do with the bankruptcy reorganization?

Well, yeah, and the amount of juggalo voters they have there. Do they have lights now? Is it still dark in Detroit? City Council person Faygo is here. Sure. Orange soda. And co-sponsored this bill with Coolio in an abandoned building.

Detroit's pretty neat. Yeah. If Detroit wasn't – I've never been. I think here's the main weakness from my Outsiders perspective on Detroit. Now, first of all, I don't mean to brag, but I literally spent over two days in Detroit. Hey. Two and a half days.

All right. I saw a Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. concert. And I hung out with a lot of interns for General Motors. Oh, wow. Again, not trying to brag. Yeah, no. Just the facts. I was brought on as a business consultant.

Whoa, yeah. Oh, yeah. And GM's doing great. So good job. But you saved the American auto industry, right? I did, yes. Yeah. People say that was obama all right i know that was me oh yeah because i taught them about innovation and millennials god why did i think that was obama because i he takes credit for everything and because you're a bleeding heart spendocrat that's that true. That is true. So I think, based on my time in Detroit, that the main thing that's holding Detroit back

is that it's a frozen wasteland. Like, everything else about Detroit is pretty rock solid. And there are successful frozen wastelands, specifically Minneapolis-St. Paul. Sure. frozen wasteland, specifically Minneapolis-St. Paul. Sure. But I think the problem is once you start having those problems, you know, then everybody is like, I mean, I guess I could move there, but it's a frozen wasteland. Right, right.

I mean, like. You have to have something to compensate. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And usually that thing to compensate was either in the olden times when people just lived in nightmare lands and there was no air conditioning. And then I think the other thing is just people who used to live there and still live there.

So like once they're gone, you're fucked. That's my position on it. Like all these gorgeous buildings and wonderful civic heritage and amazing museums that Detroit has, all these great things. heritage and amazing museums that Detroit has, all these great things. It's just like once people start going, you're fucked because you're not going to bring them back to the frozen wasteland. No one moves to Detroit. No, because it's too fucking cold. Do you think that Mayor Truckasaurus can be disassembled and reassembled into a weather

machine? Oh, that is a good possibility. And put up a dome-like structure maybe around it and, you know, you can have an artificial, you know, 72 degrees in there all the time. Can I tell you one time I saw an episode of American Pickers? It was a show probably best known because Carrie probably transcribed a lot of episodes. Yes. That is what it's best known for, yes. And they visited this –

You don't own a lot of, like, posters. Like, on movie posters, they'll be like, you know, from the studio that brought you Avengers. Right. Like a lot of reality shows, from the woman who transcribes. Right. It's actually just a watermark over the entire poster. Yeah. This dude they visited owned like a block of Detroit.

He did not appear to be a rich man. Yeah. I want to clarify that point. But he had built, you know those kind of trains that you'll have at a train town or a travel town or a train village? Like a fun child train. Yeah, the kind that you sit. A train that has random porches on it. You're like, who's going to stand on this?

The kind that you sit astride. Uh-huh. Right. Oh, and you pretend like the train is your giant penis. Exactly. I'm familiar with these trains. Precisely. He had one of those that went up and down the block through all of his buildings that he owned. That's rad.

And I have never wanted to live anywhere more than I wanted. Like, the fantasies that came into my head. I'm like, it anywhere more than I wanted. Like the fantasies that came into my head. I'm like it wasn't that I wanted my own train to ride on. I don't really care about trains. But I figured. Yeah, you're not five.

If this guy can have his own train that goes through his own whole block of a major American city, which I've been to and is a very beautiful city. Fuck, what could I do in this amazing place? Sure. Oh, I mean, you don't want to live on that guy's block because then he could just ride his train into your house at any time. Right. I mean, what if I'm in there, you know, fucking? Sure.

I was going to say making love, but. Yeah. Well, Carrie would probably say boning down. Sure. Yeah. We're all. Maybe not down. Well, the problem is.

Just boning. Yeah. Yeah. The problem is. Straight boning. Yeah. Yeah. The problem is boning. Every know, the house in the dilapidated city that costs $900 and showing like the real estate listing for it. I thought you were going to say it's popular on the Internet to have like porn of just a train going into it. Yeah.

It's called stock footage porn. Right. Someone's probably into. Yeah. I went to a book. They just want to see metaphors for sex. They don't want to see actual humans having sex. It's like Mormon porn, yeah.

Sure. I went to a bookstore in Detroit, and I'm sure any Detroiters that are listening are familiar with this bookstore. And forgive me for not remembering what it's called. I would insist. Is it called Violent J's Book Shack? It is, yes. It's only professional wrestling autobiographies. professional wrestling autobiographies.

So I went into this bookstore, and if you ever visit Detroit, Google big bookstore Detroit. It'll come up. Literally the best bookstore I've ever been to in my life. And basically this bookstore was like a factory or a warehouse. a factory or a warehouse. It was like five stories tall, each floor being a solid 3,000 square feet, I would say. Oh, okay. So each big floor and five of them.

But it was like concrete floors and factory windows and no climate control. Oh. So it was fucking freezing. It was the coldest bookstore I've ever been in in my life. I was like literally like clutching my jacket around my shoulders. No one worked there. There's like two people hanging out together on floor number one.

Yeah. And there's 15,000 square feet of other books. Like I literally could have started a bonfire and no one would have noticed. And there's 15,000 square feet of other books. Like, I literally could have started a bonfire and no one would have noticed. And you're positive this was a store? Yeah.

That you were interested in, like, a warehouse. I bought, like, six books. It was amazing. Like, Powell's Books in Portland had nothing on this bookstore. The Strand had nothing on this bookstore.

It was so great. I think about... It was literally just put into an abandoned building. I think about my... One of my... Maybe my favorite convention of the, you know, independent bookstore is the cat that lives there. Yeah. I imagine this place is having goats in it.

Exactly. You feed him a can. There might have been a dragon. Yeah, sure. Who knows? I think of a huge bookstore without climate control. I think, oh, the top floors are so hot. But that's because I'm here.

So in Detroit, is it like as you get higher, you're like, oh, thank God? I can't even imagine how hot it is on the top floors in the summer in Detroit, which is also brutal. So, yeah, I mean, it is, it was crazy. It was, I mean, that's what it was like. They took an abandoned building, put a bookstore in it and did nothing else. Like no improvements, no alterations. I don't think it was like that. It sounds like it took an abandoned building, put a bookstore in it, and did nothing else. Like no improvements, no alterations. I don't think it was like that.

It sounds like it was that. Yes. And God, did it make me want to do that with anything. I don't even know what. But there's just these spectacular buildings. To buy a thing and put another thing in it? Yeah, because it's full of things from things that were important between 1900 and 1960 that are no longer important, which is to say like Elks Halls, like spectacular. Like the greatest Elks Hall you've ever seen in your life.

Masonic lodges, factories. Wait, Jesse. Are you saying that America needs to return to a time when there were men's only organizations? Yeah. Well, I don't think. to a time when there were men's only organizations? Yeah, well, I don't think. I mean, if I lived in Detroit, I would suggest that we make it a dudes only spot.

Okay. I'm fine with it. I like that you're updating the vernacular. Well, I would want it to be kind of a city dedicated to chilling and also grilling. Grilling, sure. And beer commercials. I think this is a related thought. Carrie, I don't know how closely you listen to the show, but from time to time we like – How closely I listen?

I said closely. I'm pretty sure you said closely. I enunciate. Don't. Don't call into question by enunciation. Somehow we invited like a Twitter commenter into our studio. Yeah. We invited like a Twitter commenter into our studio.

Yeah. Carrie, if I say something happened on Earth Prime that happened on Earth 2, let me know. Because that is exactly the kind of thing that Twitter would correct me on. So I – from time to time we like to think of new bar ideas on this show. I think we've had a couple of good ones. No one's built them for us yet, which is bullshit. It's a mistake on the part of the listeners. But, you know, we're waiting. I'm working on an idea and I don't, I guess, kind of have a kernel of an idea now.

It's not, you know, it's going to require some brainstorming. But I think the central tenet of this bar, this new, new bar, is that whenever you come in, whenever you walk in, the bartender underhands you a can of beer, points at you, and goes, there he is. Is that pretty good? Okay. Now, here's the question that comes to mind right off the top. Okay. And this is just a logistical thing. I think we can come up with a workaround.

My concern is – Yeah, I mean that's why we're here. It's for brainstorming, all scenarios. Number one, you don't want the bartender to overhand you a beer. No. Did I say it? I said underhand. I said underhand.

You said underhand. Absolutely. No. Yeah, you don't want a guy – So just let's take it as read. Especially if your bartender is Oral Hirschheiser. Well, he's more of a control artist than a speedballer. Okay.

Yeah, your concern would be like a Mitch Wild Thing Williams. So here's the thing. You can't have him overhand it. Yeah. Because that's honestly, that's playing with fire. Sure. Lumps. Playing with lumps. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Because that's – honestly, that's playing with fire. Sure. Lumps. Playing with lumps.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. So that's right out. But my concern is if you've got the bartender underhanding beers, the trajectory of that is going to be real problematic. Both because he's behind a bar and because the bar is lined with patrons. Sure. Yeah.

I mean – So just don't put stools in that first row. Yeah, I think you have the bar lined up with the door, and there's no seating, you know, from the width of the door. Should this bar be called Heads Up? Maybe. It's pretty good. I mean, I don't want people to think, like, you know it's coming.

Like, you're not in there being surprised by this. You're there to get underhanded a beer by a guy who then points at you and says, there he is. Or she. Again, I'm still, I'm focused on engineering right here rather than thematic expansion, which I think is going to be the next step. If it was in a club, it doesn't have to be an active, this bar doesn't have to itself be a dance club. But if it was in some sort of defunct dance club. Okay.

Right? Let's say it was formerly a Detroit techno bar. You know what I mean? There could be a raised DJ booth. Okay. Because in the world of electronic music, the DJ is the star. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. So what if you put one bartender up there, he's got coolers. Okay. Instead of, you know, instead of turntables, he's got a couple coolers. He's got a true styler from coolers, sure. Yeah. And he can be underhanding from that elevated platform, thus controlling for the issue of trajectory and bonking and lumping.

I disagree. I disagree. Because, OK, if the bar. It's not really a point of fact, but continue. No, I'm pretty certain. So first of all, when I see a bar, I only see the Cheers bar. So the Cheers bar is like, you know, the front of it's maybe like 10 feet from the door. But if so, you can just orchestrate it.

So no one's there. But if you're like the DJ and you're off in the corner of the room, there's this whole like negative space that everybody could fill up and it could be completely unpredictable. I think you could you could science it better. And I don't want I think my issue, too, is that want beer-thrown guy to be apart from the experience. Do you know what I mean? It's like he's raised – I don't want that to be his only thing. I want him to be a guy you can talk to. I want him to be mixing drinks.

Can you grill indoors? Is that legal? Oh, good – yeah, I bet you can. If you have good exhaust, right? Yeah, sure. So could there be a guy who asks you if you want a burger or a hot dog? Absolutely. Or a veggie burger for your benefit, Carrie.

You know, they do a lot of great things with extruded whatever now. Great. You know? Well put. And spices. You know, in Toronto. Like a chickpea or something. Have you ever been to Toronto?

That's in Canada? Yes. No, I have not. I've been to Toronto. Well, then you know. There's like a hot dog stand on like every corner. They have a lot of mobile food in Toronto. But mostly hot dogs.

And every hot dog cart has veggie dogs. And people, yeah, like, and they're more popular than the hot dogs. And they thought that was like when I was like, this is amazing. When I was there, they were like, it's not like this in the U.S. I was like, no. Hot dogs are not. The hot dogs are wrapped in other meats. Right.

They are aggressively not vegetarian. Hot dogs are, I've never, I never fail to be disappointed by a hot dog. Boy, yeah. Good hot dog is, good hot dogs are few and far between. I mean, what do you, I don't even know what a hot dog is, honestly. Give me one of those, give me a sausage. Yeah. I love a sausage.

Hey, it's good. Yeah, that's a good bet. But I think it'd be fun if the guy offered you a hot dog or a burger. I mean, personally, I'd say cheeseburger. Yeah. You're going to want a little cheese on there. Sure. I think what we might be describing is a restaurant.

No, no, no. This is an experience. Yeah, I know. But as you add more and more things, I think you're just re-coming up with the concept of restaurants. Yeah. And then there's books that have lists of the food and there's the prices and then you tell someone and then they go get it for you. Could we get a bounce house and some trees? Wait a minute.

I'm just describing the park down the street from my house on weekends. Yeah, yeah. Man, the park down the street from my house. What's going on there? Number one, it's a great park. Not a lot of bullshit going on in this park. But I'll tell you what they're... Okay, hold up.

What would be bullshit in a park? Just like moms going... Moms making sounds. Okay. A lot of MMS in there. Mom noises. What if the moms... What if the moms...

Because I agree with you. those mom noises do have the possibility of becoming annoying. What if the moms were harmonizing? Like one mom was going, no. Ida Rose, I'm home again. But it was just those, no, peanut allergies. But it was just those peanut allergies. That's what you – at a park with a lot of bullshit going on. And, you know, when you live in East Los Angeles, as I do, and you spend a lot of time in parks, you get real sensitive. You got your bullshit parks and your normal people parks.

All right. Your bullshit parks, it's just a constant – you know how in crowd scenes you're supposed to say rutabaga, rutaga rutabaga no yeah like in a crowd peas and carrots peas and carrots peas and carrots that's another one oh oh oh you mean when you're you're an extra in a crowd yeah sure i thought you were just doing this in crowd yeah yeah like at the super bowl you're supposed to do this at a parade i don't know i have no friends waiting for a bus just yeah just repeat that over and over so you're supposed to say your peas and carrots, your rutabagas, your whatever. It's sort of like that, only people are going gluten, gluten, gluten, gluten, gluten. You know what I mean? Okay.

That shit I can't deal with. And then just like, just being so like precious with their children. So not that children aren't precious creatures that we're all a gift from God to all of us. Sure. But just like... You know what I mean? This is a chill-ass park, man. Some of these children may not even have families.

You know what I mean? And they're having a good old time. There are like... Lots of off-leash dogs, too. Lots of off-leash dogs, lots of ice cream. You know, not a lot of... Nobody's like, oh, no, refined sugar. You know, like refined sugar is bad for children, but come on. There's an ice cream man.

Let's get some ice cream. Sure. You know what I mean? Let's get a Sonic the Hedgehog with gumball eyes. But the main drama at this park is – so this is the park. I don't know if you know this about the Mexican-American community, but they're big on family celebrations. Interesting. Julian is Mexican-American.

He knows what we're talking about. Family celebration is like the primary thing going on in my entire neighborhood, right? And the park is the number one spot to do it because like granted like people have front yards and back yards to some extent, but mostly if you want to get together 40 members of the Romero family or whatever, you got to do it at the park. And so there's maybe a dozen tables at the park. Dude, the abuelas are there at like 8 o'clock in the morning. Fucking locking down tables and telling people where to put up their bounce house. I don't even know if that's legal to just like have somebody bring a bounce house to a park. But there will be in this park by my house on, it's a reasonable sized park, but you

know, you can see from one end to the other. I'm going to say like on a given Saturday in the spring or summer, five different bounce houses. Oh, wow. Going on? Yeah, I mean, usually you have to get a permit for it, five different bounce houses. Oh, wow. Going on? Yeah, I mean, usually you have to get a permit for it, like from the park. I don't think any permits are being pulled. Okay, then.

I'm going to go ahead and suggest no permits are being pulled. Right, right. What are the themes on these bounce houses? We're talking Spider-Man? Dora. Dora, yeah. I mean, some are Diego. Some are Diego.

Some are Diego, but mostly Dora. Yeah. Okay. I mean, there's the occasional, you know, like, Spooderman theme. Sure. Primarily. Insect person. There's a little bit of, I mean, there's occasional SpongeBob or something like that.

And there'll be sometimes there'll be superheroes. I saw a full-on Simpsons bounce house once. Oh, nice. Amazing. Yeah, kind of shaped and colored like the Simpsons house. And there was, like, a big arch with the family on it. It was super neat. Oh, nice. Yeah, kind of shaped and colored like the Simpsons house, and there was like a big arch with the family on it. It was super neat.

Oh, cool. Man, I wanted to jump in there. Were adults or children in there? Just children. Oh, okay. Yeah. Do they make them like for adults? They must, right?

I don't know. Good question. Yeah, I mean, I think there's probably a goofball market for an adult bounce house. There's probably a Bud Light commercial where that's what happens. Yeah. That's what happens. Yeah. That's where they make fun of it. They take some guy out of his boring office. And then he's like, okay.

Because he hashtagged Bud Light me. Right. And they drag him out and they take him into an adult bounce house with hotties. Can I ask you a question? I don't drink. I don't know if you drink, Carrie. I do. You don't drink?

I don't drink, no. What about Malort? Well, I will taste the Malort at Max Funke. Oh, okay. But I'm not a drinker. I'll taste. I mean, look, my wife's having an interesting cocktail. I might have a taste of it.

I'm not allergic to alcohol or anything, but I just don't drink. But I have seen Bud Light commercials where they take a guy out of his boring office. Is the theme there that that man's only refuge is drunkenness? Yeah, it's a metaphor for the escape that alcohol provides you. Got it. And the things they take him to are always so slimly rewarding. It's like, I'm going to put you in the middle of... Great news, Reggie Watts is here.

Right. To make weird loop music you won't enjoy. In that exact one, they take him to a Pac-Man, like a huge Pac-Man maze. And they're like, you're the Pac-Man. And he's like, okay. What did he have to eat? I mean, after the third Whopper that's standing in for those dots. He just like runs through it.

And if he passes over little circles, they're like, you did it. And then he ends up on stage with like One Direction or something. And he clearly doesn't know who they are. I once raced in a real live Super Mario Kart that was sponsored by a motor oil company. What? At South by Southwest. Was it branded with Nintendo stuff or was it? It was, yeah.

No, it was official. It was a partnership between. Nintendo and Pennzoil. Literally, yes. That's funny. A partnership between Nintendo and Pennzoil. Literally, yes. That's funny. A partnership between Nintendo and Pennzoil. A match made in heaven. I raced our friend Griffin McElroy from My Brother, My Brother and Me.

And I did not, like, on the one hand, it was a reasonable recreation of being in a real-life Super Mario Kart, although you couldn't shoot fireballs at people. Sure. Which would have been fun. That would have been fun. Could you shoot anything? I don't know. Could you make lightning come down from the sky and electrocute everyone?

There was no shooting. Yeah, could you have a bullshit blue shell that basically ruins everything and isn't fair? There were power-ups, but they did not explain what power-up does what. And so for the first three quarters of the race, I was going over the slow-down power-ups, thinking that they were speed-up power-ups. And that's why Griffin won. Sounds more like a power-down to me. If he's listening right now, FYI. Classic Griffin bullshit.

Wait, were there weapons? What are you talking about, like a mace or a cudgel? Yeah, or just a gun with one bullet. You got one shot. Just take it. You got one shot. Do not miss your chance to blow. You got to shoot with an echo rod.

There weren't shells or banana peels or anything. There wasn't anything that made you spin out because that's dangerous. That's what the banana peels do, right? Yeah. In the real game. There were shells, and some of the shells sped you up and some of them slowed you down, and there was arrows that sped you up and slowed you down. Okay.

So these were speed-affecting power-ups, not offensive. Yeah, with RFIDs inside them. Okay. But I had no idea what was going on. And so I guess what I'm saying is sometimes you get in a situation like that, and it's not all the fun that it's cracked up to be. Oh, boy. I wish I had been drunk.

Sure. They actually made us take a sobriety test. We had to blow into a breathalyzer in order to get it. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. But I guess if you're at South by Southwest, that's the free beer capital of the world. And they don't have that cloud to rescue you if something goes wrong. That's true.

There's not a rescue cloud. But, Jesse, now that I know you don't drink, I'm pretty disappointed about the gift I brought. What did you bring? Okay, so I just went to Guatemala. Actual Guatemala. Land of the Quetzal. These are Guatemalan cups. No, that's not true.

Those are just standard red Solo cups. I brought this liquor that is worse than Malort. Oh, my God. It is worse. Okay. Let's take a quick break. When we come back, we will enjoy some quetzalteca especial. I don't think we'll enjoy it.

Yeah, we'll see. Yeah, we'll see how that goes. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. on things that I know I want to know about, but it also gives me inside information on things that I didn't even know I wanted to know about, such as music, arts, movies, people I should be connected with, people that I end up connecting with thanks to Bullseye. Bullseye is your guide to what's good

from MaximumFun.org and NPR. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morse, boy detective. I'm not. Carrie, you have to introduce yourself. Love you, love you Petit Lawn, which is beautiful. It's a beautiful place. Yeah. It's next to a volcano. Well, it's next to two volcanoes. And yeah, as I was going around town, I wanted to try like the, what do you call it? The poor man's liquor. It was like the one that anyone could get and everyone was drinking. Yeah.

You didn't want to have whatever Guatemala's Diddy was selling. Right. You want to have their Ciroc. You wanted to be a man of the people. I want to have a real's Diddy was selling. Right. You want to have their Ciroc. You want to have like what you wanted to be a man of the people. I want to have a real experience. Sure. Yeah. So I went into like, you know, a tiny little liquor store and this, what's it called? I don't know.

Quetzalteca. Quetzalteca Especial is made from molasses, 36% alcohol. And this one I actually bought in the States when I got back. But the one I got there was tamarind flavor and was like a little less than a pint and was the equivalent of 80 cents. Wow. Yeah. So how do you slash the Guatemalans drink it? Do you, is it in a cocktail?

Straight up, man. Straight up. You just pound it. Throw it back. It is to get you drunk to forget about your day. Sure. And one to get you ready for the giant Pac-Man maze you're about to enter. Right, right.

A quetzal is a long-tailed parrot-like bird that is the national symbol of Guatemala. Is a quetzalteca a person associated with the quetzal, thus a Guatemalan person? A long-tailed parrot-like bird that is the national symbol of Guatemala. Correct. Is a quetzalteca a person associated with the quetzal, thus a Guatemalan person? Perhaps. Or is it an indigenous group or something? But the quetzale is also their method of currency. So it may just mean very cheap liquor. Got it.

Yeah. So this means the name of this is special money? Maybe. Possibly. Someone's going to write in now and be like, no, no, no, no, no, and be offended. We probably have some Guatemalan listeners who can help us out on this one. Probably. So, okay. Should we nose this?

Jesse has smelled it like 15 times. I may start coughing from having inhaled too deeply. Julian's got one out there, too. An observation about the bottle you pulled out. So this is not one that you brought back. This is something that you found at an import shop? Yeah. So after I came back from Guatemala and thought I would never see it again, I found it at an import shop near my house.

And so I was like – Well, there's certainly – I mean there's no shortage of Guatemalan Americans here in Los Angeles. And they long for this horrible liquor. Absolutely. And it was still quite cheap. How much did this – how much did it cost? I think – so we're looking at a full liter here. I believe it was six bucks.

I will say that – and I don't want to – maybe I feel like I'm outing you a little bit on the show. But the bottle you poured us, there was a significant amount gone. Have you been just casually drinking this around the house? Just to unwind after a long day? I just graduated from grad school, thank you. And I had some of my friends over and made them drink it. That's okay. That's reasonable.

Yeah, checks out, right? And just straight. Now you're making your enemies drink it. Yeah, correct. Yeah, once we die from this, you'll have the number one podcast after i graduated they became my competition is much more popular i know this is just a power play got it yeah i'm aware this is not a popular show did you see did you hear didum and Linda Holmes are going to get married in a sham marriage to unite the houses of the Pop Culture Happy Hour and Pop Rocket so that they can take on the Slate Culture Gap Fest? That's the fucking best.

Sounds worth it. I know, right? Isn't that the greatest? That's the best. Are they going to use that? What's that place you can get like a one-hour marriage at near here? Reno, Nevada? No.

A one-hour marriage? Yeah, near this. Like down the street. There's a place called the Little White Chapel not that far from here. Maybe. Oh, it's on Normandy. There's a variety of them. But yeah.

Okay. Well, that's like their thing. They're like, get in, get out, you're married. And I think it's on Normandy. Anyway. Well, there's a lot of storefronts in this neighborhood and actually where I live too that are like one-stop shops for all civil engagements. So like it's – you go there to get married, divorced, have a terrible fake lawyer help you with your immigration issues or send a box of stuff to Guatemala. Sure. Or what's that

called when you're a minor and you... And just a big can of garbanzo beans. I want to say a minor who's been emasculated, but that's not it. Emancipated. That's it. A minor who has had his penis made fun of in gym class.

I was talking to a buddy of mine who eloped to Vegas. And he said that's – they – he and his wife went with the intent of like, all right, we'll just find one of those little chapel on the greens and just get married. And he says they won't take you. You still have to go to City Hall and fill out a ton of paperwork. And then you go to the little Impulse Chapel. That was interesting. I got the maybe the myth of the drunk Vegas wedding.

It's a little more complicated than that. Was his friend Dean Martin? Yeah, old Dino. Dino's Sammy. Ba-da-bing, ba-da-bing! Yeah. And then he had my hands broken with a hammer for cheating. Oh, the shark has pretty teeth.

Is he the one who beat up his kids? Yeah, you got it. This is a Bobby Darin song. Oh, boy. Is he the one, though, who beat up his kids? Dean Martin? Yeah. Bing Crosby beat up his kids.

Oh, that's what they have. Denise Crosby, she got beat up. The only joke I remember from the Craig Kilbourne Daily Show is he was doing a story about – I still laugh at this to this day. He was doing a story about like a batch of tainted Hawaiian punch. This was before the Daily Show did any serious news. They just did like weird stuff. So he's like talking about like a thing of tainted Hawaiian punch. And he's like, in other news, Bing Crosby punched his kids.

And I will – just from that joke, I will always remember that Bing Crosby was an abusive father. Yeah, it's true. Remember when Craig Kilborton had his own show and he introduced himself in the third person? Yep. That was hilarious. I understand he was a real heel, though. Sure. Was and is.

Did some funny stuff on there. Yeah, some funny stuff. Then he just would just interview a supermodel. Jordan, are you going to go first? Yeah, I'll take a taste. Should we describe the smell a little bit first just to kind of set the scene? What notes would you say? Paint thinner?

Gross. I'll just say gross in general, but can we be a little more descriptive? Well, it smells a lot to me like very cheap vodka. Like it's got that. Yeah, sure. It's got that quality. That melted styrofoam smell. Yeah.

Chemical, I would call the smell. Chemical. Literally, the smell is burning my throat. It's not a joke. And do you, do people, do people shoot this, right? Like they. Okay. I'm not going to.

And often it's flavored, but like the flavored stuff is not better, trust me. There was a tamarind flavor and a rose flavor, both bad. A rose flavor. That's classier than I would think. I like both of those flavors, but it does nothing for this. Yeah. Okay. Let's have a drink.

All right. Not as bad as advertised. Oh, you don't think it's as bad as Malort? Oh, no. Malort's much worse. Yeah. Are you kidding me? I mean, this is't think it's as bad as Malort? Oh, no. Malort's much worse. Yeah. I mean, this is just like cheap vodka. Are you kidding me?

No, I'm not kidding you. I mean, it's gross. I wouldn't want to drink a lot of it. But, I mean, this is like a sip of cheap vodka you would have in college mixed with Tang or something. What? Well, because this is the worst and you're not acknowledging it for what it is. So I am clearly bad. You've also sucked all the entertainment out of this segment.

Hey, just listen to three people enjoy a nice drink that they like. Okay, I'm going to try. You want to try it? You've already tried it. It's not that exciting for you to try it. I haven't in weeks. Okay, drink it. Okay.

Oh, yeah. That's awful. I don't think you are playing up your face at all. I think that is a real pain. Yeah, that's awful. I don't think you are playing up your face at all. I think that is a real pain. Yeah, that's terrible. Mine has a hair in the bottom. I think it's one of my hairs, too. Oh, what color?

Brownish. Not me. Do you feel like you find beard hairs and stuff these days? Yeah. Like food and stuff? Yeah, sometimes beard hairs come out. Do you just keep setting things back in the winter? This has a beard hair in it.

Ugh. Right? It has an unpleasant... Yeah, I think Malort's way worse than this. I would straight up legit drink this with club soda and lime. I think it would be fine. Oh my god, it's so bad. Yeah.

Well, the thing that I dislike the worst about Malort, though, is that it tastes like licorice, and I do hate licorice. Sure. But I think the actual alcohol taste here is worse. Malort has a gross taste. This has almost no taste in the mouth, just kind of an unpleasant texture. Uh-huh. Yeah, it tastes right. It has the burn of like a whiskey, but without any kind of flavor unpleasant texture. Yeah, it tastes right. It has the burn of like a whiskey,

but without any kind of flavor or complexity. It does. It does kind of have a zero taste, little bit of burn. I don't know. Yeah, I'm okay with it. But you're an alcoholic. That's true.

Maybe I am revealing the fact that I'm a drunk on the show. What about Julian? Yeah, Julian, can you say what you thought and we'll relay it? Yeah, tell us on the talk back. Press the talk back so we can hear you. And then we will explain to everyone how you feel.

Julian just said Jordan is insane. This stuff sucks. Maybe it's just like relative to the buildup I received. I think this is, and this is by far not the worst. I mean, that's fair. That might be why I don't like Up. Too much buildup I received. I think this is, and this is by far not the worst. I mean, that's fair. That might be why I don't like Up. Too much buildup. Yeah.

This is made from distilling Kate Salls. Is that correct? Yes. Just crushing a bird in like a vice. One of those duck presses. Yeah, sure. Melted birds and coins. Sure.

Birds and coins. It also has a woman on the front. Oh, oh, this is very meta. It's got a great label. On the front, it's got a woman holding the bottle she's on. Whoa. Oh, shit. Maybe we're all just characters on God's liquor bottle.

You guys ever think about that? Very MC Escher. My mind is blown. This lady is wearing some traditional Guatemalan garb. Yes, correct. It's nice. She looks like a nice woman. Sure.

You know, here's the thing. Here's, I think, why it's easy to drink is that it is a little bit harsh, but it's not that harsh. What is wrong with you? I just don't think it's not hard to drink. It's not like fun to drink. Okay. Product of Guatemala, Central America. Yeah.

Oh, that Guatemala. Yeah. I think Guatemala and Missouri. Yeah. It does have a beautiful label. Yeah, it's a nice label. This lady is wearing some beautiful weavings. More of a Mayan.

My mother is a scholar of those weavings. Oh, really? A little fondness in my heart. Yeah, I lived in Guatemala for a time. I didn't know that. That's true. You lived there. I did not.

Oh, your mom did. I see, I see. What's your mom's name? Judy. Judy Thorne? Yeah, you got it. Do you think your mom drank a lot of special money? Yeah, probably so.

Okay. My mom's a two-fisted drinker. Sure. Did you call her on Mother's Day? When was that? Last month. What is this about? What is this?

Am I a good son quiz? Just want to see. Yeah, just want to see if you called her. Did you call your mom on Mother's Day? Yes, I did. Did you, Jordan? What's your mom's name? I did call my mom.

Jordan's mom's name is Sharon. We had brunch. My mom's name is Katie. I hate Katie. Oh, boy. I. Jordan's mom's name is Sharon. We had brunch. My mom's name is Katie. I hate Katie. Oh, boy. I didn't call Katie on Mother's Day. You know why? She can go suck a lemon as far as I'm concerned.

He's getting aggressive in here. Yeah, well, Carrie's trying to show me out what a bad son I am. Guys, is this all because I kind of liked the drink? Are we fighting so much because I kind of enjoy the drink? We're not a family anymore. I went to the flea market with my mom for Father's Day. Oh, well, that counts. I had a little Father's Day issue.

I decided I would get my stepdad a Father's Day card this year. Oh, yeah. I did that too. Did you spend some time looking for one with a trombone on it? I spent some time looking for one that didn't sound like it was written in a second grade poetry class. Sure. Like the thing I – this is a new stepdad. Like he and my mom got married two years ago.

So like I like the man very much and I'm glad he and my mom are happy. Could not be happier for that. But I don't have gushy feelings toward him. All the stepdad cards had were like, thank you for saving me from my real dad. Yeah, exactly. Even though I'm not yours, you treated me like I was. And I'm like, I just need one that says, when we go to dinner every other month, you seem nice. I can tell maybe sometimes you want to say something racist but don't.

I appreciate that. I really appreciate it. It makes dinner better. So yeah, no, he's just this like great dude who I like a lot and wanted to say Happy Father's Day. That might be secretly racist. Yeah. Well, I mean I think, you know, like a 50-year-old fella is.

Sure. It was a different time. Yeah. Amen. Just like I had to go to three different stationery stores to just find a blank card that said Happy Father's Day on the front. It was tough. Yeah. What stationery stores are we talking about here?

Going from stationery – Japan town? No, I should have gone to Japan. Yeah, yes. Lucky good false father. Bring much pleasure. Happy Stora Berry. Do you find that when you're writing out Happy Father's Day, you can't decide whether to put the apostrophe before or after the S? I just call it Daddy's Day.

Still. It's grosser like that. I can never decide, like, if it's multiple fathers or if I'm just like, happy day to you, my one father. Can I show you this right here? Yeah. So I have a service called the Put This On Gentlemen's Association, which is a subscription pocket square service. A perfect gift.

I gave a pocket square to a gentleman this year. There you go. I put a Starbucks card in my stepdad's Father's Day card. And just a pair of Tommy Bahama shorts. Yeah, I just wrote his address on the shorts and put them in the mailbox.

I was at the thrift store today and they had like 20 pairs of Margaritaville brand jute shoes. Like hemp shoes. Hemp shoes. Hemp boat shoes specifically. Are they like Tom's? What do they look like? They look like boat shoes made out of hemp. Okay, great.

So anyway. Wait, should you wear these if you're on island time? Yeah, absolutely. Okay. Please do not try and wear these on standard time. On Greenwich Mean Time. Yeah. Island time only.

If you try these at GMT plus two, you are fucked. Yeah. You are fucked. What was I saying a second ago? You saw them at the thrift store. You saw a big- Right before that. Clutch of them.

Oh, I don't know. Something about- Oh, you were getting in a plug for something. Pocket squares. Oh, so I have this pocket square association, right? And I don't know. I call it the gentlemen, M-E-N apostrophe S association. But spellcheck doesn't like that.

Yeah. And so, but it's not for one gentleman. It's for gentlemen collectively. I think you are. Do not email me. I think, though, because gentlemen is already plural, that you are correct to put it before the S. I'm pretty sure that's right. If we're going by APA style, I'm pretty sure that's right.

Gentleman apostrophe S instead of gentleman apostrophe S, which the spell check is fine with. Oh, you definitely wouldn't do that. Well, that one this spell check is okay with. Well, see, I think what the spell check might want you to do, and it's wrong, is Gentleman, S, apostrophe. But I think it's wrong. I don't think you're supposed to do that. Yeah, no. I mean, it's like, it's one thing people used to do.

But now, like, APA and MLA are like, no. No, no, no. It's already gone. Okay, what about Chicago Manual of Style? I don't know. I mean, it's like it's one thing people used to do. But now like APA and MLA are like, no, no, no, no. It's already. What about Chicago manual? I don't know. I'll be honest. You could only teach me so much. I think we need to do. I think we need to consult a Miss Mavis Beacon. She'll have all the answers. Carrie, what did you write in your stepdad's Father's Day card? Oh, well, OK. So I sent him a book via amazon i got him a sarah vowel book oh that's nice so i which sarah vowel book are we talking uh part uh partly cloudy patriot that's a good one um not that there's any bad ones am i right sure hey they're all good going back to radio on um so i got it in the beautiful amazon gift wrap for 395.95. That's nice. And then that comes with a little flip card. So it just said, like, happy Father's Day.

You're a great stepdad or something. But I did then, like, argue with myself over whether to say from Carrie or love Carrie. Yeah. What did you go with? I went with from. Because it was already there. It was already, like, from. Can I recommend a happy medium?

Hang loose. What's that? He lives in Wisconsin. I don't know if he even knows what that means. Stay sleazy. Wasting away, comma, Terry. Comma. Yeah.

His daughter gave him a David Sedaris book a couple years ago and he hated it. He just hated it. He's like, oh, he'll probably love this Sarah Powell book okay they were all out of david rackoff sure yeah the this american life contributors from 2005 collection well he he didn't like it because it was like a little too i think progressive for him and yes sarah val is is progressive but but i think she has a, yeah, I think she, yeah, I think, I think a, a dad could forgive her politics and,

you know, because of her commitment to American history. Yeah. Her history channel level of obsession with, yeah, I think he'll like it. I think he'll like it. The cabin that John Wilkes Booth died in.

Right. I gotta go, in that situation, I gotta go Bill Bryson. You're going Bryson. Yeah, Bill Bryson. That's the dad of those things.

Sure, but he might have already read those. He's like 73. He's had a lot of time to read. That's a good point. Elderly people have read more. Sure. Probably true. Because of their age.

And they're not always on their cell phones. Am I right? Oh, you're right. Or as I like to call them, mind control machines. You got it. Although, to be fair, that's because you're an android who's controlled by a cell phone. That's true. We'll be back in just a second.

But I also have a sharp satirical tongue. We'll be back in just a second. That was programmed into you. Oh, it was filed down from a smoother metal tongue. It's always been satirical, but it's sharp because, yeah. Serial tyrannical. Oh, yeah. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica.

Bikini season. Volleyball time. Hot dogs and hamburgers. Get ready to Olympic dive. Fourth of July. Are you ready for rollerblading rain time? That's right. It's Erin and Brian

from Throwing Shade if you didn't know from that very clear intro. We take a look at issues involving ladies and gays and we treat them with much less respect than they deserve.

So watch out, punks. So hey, download us and take us to the beach while you're doing your summertime fun. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morse, boy detective. I'm Carrie Poppy, an underestimated mathematician.

Hey, Jordan. Yes. We're sort of hitting the road. I would love to sort of hit the road, Yes. We're sort of hitting the road. I would love to sort of hit the road, Jesse. Am I sort of hitting the road? I'm kind of excited. I mean, doing one show in Los Angeles and one show in Portland in a couple of months. Let's hear about them.

Okay. So July 7th at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater Franklin here in Los Angeles. Jordan, Jesse, go live. It's going to be amazing. We'll have special guests. We'll have extravaganza activities. All kinds of good times. It's going to be great.

Great. We did one of these. It was a super blast a few months ago. We did one of those too. Great. You have a good time? Yeah. Yeah.

UCB is great. Come out. Don't be a chump and miss it. Why would? No, come on. Don't chump out on us. I'm worried that people are going to chump out. Boy, that would be terrible.

I mean, what if they jump out? Oh, my God. What if we get there? Oh, my God. And it's just a bunch of apology notes that say, sorry, I couldn't come. I'm a chump. Just too busy chumping at home. Keep to all the chairs.

Oh, boy. Oh, man. That would be terrible. Mm-hmm. But you know what? This is the summer of Summer Boy. I don't think these people are going to fail to come through for us. No, I don't think man. That would be terrible. Mm-hmm. But you know what? This is the summer of Summer Boy. I don't think these people are going to fail to come through for us. No, I don't think so.

This is our time. They're already going to be out and about. Yeah. Chilling and grilling. You got it. Yeah. Boathouse. Boathouse.

Cabin. Mm-hmm. Canoe. Yeah, just canoe on in. LA River. Do it to it. Also, we are headed to Portland Oregon later this year

to do a show with our friends in Throwing Shade yay the show that's famous on Carrie's t-shirt that's true

that she's wearing right now seen on many popular t-shirts yeah it is this is gonna be a one hell of a program

I could not be more excited about going to see this show. I mean going to be part of this show. You're just going to sit in the audience? Yeah. You can find the information at MaximumFun.org. I think tickets have already gone on sale. Look, I don't want it to be exclusively throwing shade fans there.

I want throwing shade fans there. Don't get me wrong. Sure. We need our people there too. Absolutely. We don't want people just, you know, looking at their phones, waiting for us to get done yammering so they can see Brian and Aaron. Look at the interactive people. Yeah, so we wait for Brian and Aaron to pretend to make a phone call and go beep, beep, boop, boop.

Yeah, well, I mean, that is pretty great when they do that. No, I'm not saying I'm not looking forward to that. I just don't want that to be the only thing people are there for. Right. And they're like, who are these yokels? Yeah. And why aren't they not pretending to make phone calls by going beep, beep, boop, boop? Are these a bunch of yay-whos?

Oh, boy. That's probably what they're going to say. Oh, boy. Who do you think is more beloved in Portland, Jordan Jussie Goh or Throwing Shade? I'm going to say neck and neck. Yeah? Neck and neck. I'm just going to say Throwing Shade.

But no, your way creates a little bit more drama and a little more impetus for people to come out. So, yeah, I'm going to just switch to yours. Here's what I demand. Go out there and just stone face throwing shade so that we know that you like us better. Give them a big thumbs down. Don't do that. We fucking love throwing shade. This is a dream gig for us.

It's going to be so fun. I love. I think Aaron andrian are like the funniest people on earth i love them and their show i'm so excited to get to do a show with them and uh we are really gonna blow it out and if you get what about this you got any friends in the media in portland let's do some press love to do some press you. You know somebody with a weekly? Yeah. Willamette Week? Sure. Drop us a line.

Portland Oregonian? Hit us up. The Eugene Bumblebee. You got it. Bend, Oregon. Tree. Paper. This is how press outreach is usually done.

Just see if any of the friends listen to podcasts. Saying the names of fake newspapers. Ashland, Oregon. I want to see you there. Yeah, get newspapers. Ashland, Oregon. I want to see you there. Yeah, get out. Medford, Oregon. Let's get Medford, Oregon out there. Now I'm just Brody Stevens. Medford.

Arizona State University. Pitcher. Hurt my arm. Couldn't finish. Derek Jeter. Good Brody thank you okay that's it

I did Groundlings with Brian Safi oh wow that's overwhelming he's an amazing man he's fantastic yeah someone just asked me

the other day what my favorite sketch I've ever seen was and the first thing that came to mind was something Brian did at the Groundlings very funny person

Brian Safi funny man he's in that you know he's in that recent Will Ferrell Kristen Wiig Lifetime movie. Yeah, I still haven't seen it. You know what? People, here's my message to people complaining that it's not funny enough or whatever.

Yeah, you be a super famous movie star that makes a Lifetime movie. That's like the greatest thing anyone's ever done. I think the thing with that was we were supposed to not know about it. The joke of that was supposed to be there is no press around it. But then I think it got leaked on a deadline or something like that. Some Hollywood snoops got a hold of it. So, yeah, I think the joke of that was ruined a little bit. The Hollywood star whackers got a hold of it.

Yeah, exactly. So I think that once it became something that there were billboards for and stuff, the essence of it was drained a little bit. But, yeah, that's fucking cool. That's what's great about those guys. They're geniuses and they just do a weird thing because they can. Mm-hmm. You tell them. You tell them, Jesse.

Hyper local beer commercial. Okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. Me? I'm Jesse Thorne, the voice of the millennial generation. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Love you, loveate people when you're just throwing something away. Sure. You know, it's like right now, like, I'm not even making a big deal of this. Like, it's just like, it's fine. You're like a guy in a modern radio ad. You're like, I don't know, buy a Honda. Yeah.

Whatever. Exactly. Just get off my nuts if you don't. Buy a Honda. I love Hondas. You're very uninvested. Yeah, I don't care about the show at all. You don't need to be invested. Yeah. I'm like those Throwing Sh shade fans that are so important. Okay, look. When something – oh, before we get into momentous occasions, I need to say one thing.

Please. The thing that I saw on eBay was a cross-colored bucket hat and it was like $250. Whoa. I bet you there is a cross – well, sorry, I spilled my water, possibly because I'm drunk off special juice. What do you call that? Special money. Special money.

I bet there is a cross-colors collector community out there, right? Oh, there's got to be because I looked – what happened is I watched this movie about hip-hop fashion. Sasha Jenkins, the director, is going to be on Bullseye, probably on Bullseye actually this week as this show comes out. Great movie. Really enjoyed it. And it really reminded me of how badly I wanted cross-colors when I was a kid and with the time when I finally got a pair of cross-color shorts. What are cross-colors?

Come on, Carrie. No, I really don't know. What is that? Come on, Carrie. What are you, a 16-year-old? What is that? What are you-colored? Come on, Carrie. No, I really don't know. What is that? Come on, Carrie. What are you, a 16-year-old? What is that? What are you from, Ireland? Yes, I am a 16-year-old from Ireland.

Cross-colors were the definitional urban fashion brand of the late 1980s and early 1990s. I always wanted a cross-colored shirt, but my mom wouldn't let me get one. I think she thought they were gang-related. Yeah. They created the streetwear category. Really? Essentially. Cross-colors?

Does this have a... You literally don't remember cross-colors? No, I've never heard of this. Like, all the panels were different colors, like jerseys, bucket hats. They would have, like, a message about unity on them, the t-shirts. So many messages about unity. No, this doesn't mean anything to me. But, wait, what year were you born?

1981. Okay, and you were 83 also, right? unity. No, this doesn't mean anything to me. But wait, what year were you born? 1981. Okay. And you were 83 also, right? 82. 82. Okay, I'm 83. There's no excuses. Didn't you ever watch In Living Color?

Yeah, a little, but my parents were mildly against it. All right, top five fly girls, go. I don't know what that means. J-Lo. Or others. Other fly girls. J-Lo. Who do you think is the most popular?

Jamie Foxx. The Korean guy from Fargo. Sure. Okay. Stephen Park, I want to say is his name. I might be getting that wrong. Okay. Here we go.

Momentous occasions. For example, like when I finally got a pair of cross-colored shorts, probably in like 1994 or something. Who knows? No, I was in middle school, so we're going to call it 1992. So on the tail end, but, you know, whatever. Let's take our first momentous occasion call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, Sonny D, illustrious guest.

This is David from Milwaukee calling with a momentous occasion. My wife and I just adopted a couple of three-month-old kittens, a brother and sister. And, you know, they're adorable. They're feisty. This morning I get up, I'm taking a piss, and one of them leaps into the toilet as I'm peeing into it. Have you ever cleaned piss off a three-month-old cat?

I recommend it. Have a good one. Sounds fun. That does sound like a lot of fun. My cat will sometimes come in the bathroom and get near the toilet when I'm peeing. And I often think about what my next course of action will be if I pee on the cat. It's never actually come to that.

But I have thought about that. My dog will actively try to drink the pee as it comes out of your penis if you are a man at my house and you do not close the door properly. Wow. Yeah. She will try to make that a drinking opportunity. My dog, one of my two dogs, is obsessed with drinking. And she will drink pee out of the kid's kiddie potty. Oh, God.

So, like, they will often pee right before they get in the bath. And we will not always be flushing it right away. Immediately, sure. And, yeah, the dog will push her way through the door. Like the door will be closed, but she'll push it open, and then she will drink pee out of the kitty potty. Animals are gross. I know.

Do you think it's a sexual thing for them? Probably. Do you think they love? I know it was for Gandhi. Yeah. Yeah, famous was for Gandhi. Yeah. Yeah. Famous piss freak Gandhi. Gandhi loved his water sports.

I believe any urea is full of pheromones, so it may be a sexual thing. It might be. Yeah. So anyway, this guy made love to his cat. Yeah. Jordan, here's what happened to me. You started telling that story, and it started out, sometimes my cat will come in the bathroom. I heard that, too.

I was like, wow, this is way grosser than I expected. The cat somehow masturbates in the bathroom. Jordan really upped the ante. Oh, your cat jumped in the toilet? Big deal. My cat masturbates somehow in the bathroom. She's going to rub on something, I guess. This is vulgar.

Jesse, Jordan, this is Dan, baby D. I'm calling from the Scottish Highlands. I don't know if this will get to you. I am on a bike ride, and I just passed about 12 French dudes, each with their own heavy-duty mountain biking level unicycles. Wheels about four foot diameters. Everyone with their own unique mustache. Take care. What's the clarity of that call from? I don't know. I mean, Skype's not that.

I guess millennials have better calls. I think they do. I believe, didn't you hear it go bloop bloop at the end? I believe it was a Skype call. Might have been a Skype. Yeah. My brother-in-law. I'm an investigative reporter, you guys, and that was a Skype call.

Yeah. No big deal. My brother-in-law mega-Skype in there, Baby D. Sure. Good work, Baby D. Guy was in Scotland working on some farms. Check it out. What kind of farms?

That's what these kind of teens like to do on vacation. Yeah. From farm to farm. Sure. I don't know what that was about. Shucking corn. There's a thing where. Threshing.

There's a thing where it may only apply to people from Marin County, but it's a thing where you go from farm to farm on organic farms. Oh, totally. No, not just Marin County. I'm pretty sure. Maybe if you're from Boulder. No, no. Like, I know these people, too. No, that's a thing.

So Marin County, Boulder. Where are you from? Vancouver. Probably you're allowed to do it if you're from Vancouver. Oh, from Vancouver? Oh, oh, I'm from La Crescenta. But no, just like tons of people. Yeah, and La Crescenta.

No, tons of people. God, La Crescenta. But no, just like tons of... Yeah, and La Crescenta. No, tons of people I know. God, La Crescenta's gotten so crunchy. No, especially like vegetarians and vegans. They do that a lot. Yeah. Organic. You go on a farm. You are a farm. You're a migrant farm laborer, but they put you up. In other words, it's a sort of itinerant

slaver program. So, yeah. There you go. Okay. Here's the thing, Jordan. What season is it, would you say? I think we're, I mean, summer's not just broadly. Right. Yeah. How would you, if you were going to use a two-word phrase to capture the spirit of summer,

what would it be? I mean- Like the spirit of summer as fully lived and expressed. Sure. I mean, I think that, I mean, that's difficult, but I have been seeing a lot of T-shirts lately. Yeah, you know, I've seen both T-shirts and tanks a lot lately. So, yeah, I mean, I would say that it's the summer of the summer boy. Right. So we asked you in the audience to share with us your summer boy experiences.

And, of course, Summer Boy is gender neutral. We want to make that absolutely clear. I'm not going to lie, Jordan. I saw some hot chicks in Summer Boy t-shirts on Twitter. Oh, hell yeah. Hashtag Summer Boy. Yeah. I enjoyed that.

Those tanks are looking pretty good on them. Yeah. They're wearing them well. Let's just say they are poured into them. I guess that's if it's too tight. No, these weren't. These didn't seem like they were too tight. Like concrete.

You'd like to fuck. Yeah. Try to return them for larger sizes. Yeah. Or like a sexy juice. They really shrank in the wash. Maybe you know something else that shrinks in the wash? Your penis?

Oh, yes. Mine shrinks in the oven like a shrinky dink. Oh. Yeah, so there you go. Let's take our first summer boy call. Hey, Jordan and Jesse Go. This is Rachel calling with my summer boy plans. I've got big summer boy plans in just a few weeks.

Pretty near my house is going to be the Lane County Fair. So I'm going to be able to stroll down the street and catch Joan Jett and the Blackhearts performing on a county fair stage. And then two days after that is the Under the Sun tour featuring Sugar Ray, Reverend Ezra, and Uncle Cracker. So I'm just going to listen to 80s and 90s music on a lovely summer evening, eating anything that can be put on a stick and deep fried,

and it's going to be ballin'. Summer boy. Bye. That was a real hard right turn in terms of pop rock credibility. Yeah. I mean, seeing Joan Jett at the counter, you're like, hey, all right. Good choice. Joan Jett is probably the top thing you could see at the county fair, right?

Oh, God. Well, Weird Al is the top thing you could see at the county fair, but then top non-Weird Al. Right. Yeah, yeah. Boy, yeah. Of all the things that play at a county fair that would be- Tower of Power. Tower of Power.

Joan Jett, Heart. Heart would probably be fun to see at the county fair. Yeah, Heart would be pretty of Power. Tower of Power. Joan Jett. Heart. Heart would probably be fun to see at the county fair. Yeah, Heart would be pretty good. Yeah. Which, where, where was this county fair?

Where is she? I couldn't tell. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. Doesn't matter. Yeah. I liked how she was in no hurry to get that

information out. When she said she was going to take a stroll, I was like, yeah, you take a stroll. Yeah, we'll take a stroll with you. That's the kind of thing

you do. Los Angeles has a county fair. It's somewhere in New Mexico. It took like six hours. The Los Angeles County Fair, nowhere near Los Angeles. Jesus Christ. It is like a thousand miles away. I used to go to that when I was a kid a lot.

And I used to horseback ride. And their horseback riding competition is like clearly rigged. They do it to, yeah, they like, they want to make the kid. Donald Trump just wins it every year. Whichever kid.

It's like you're in the teen girls division, Trump. Whichever kid is like obviously the worst, they give first place to. And I mean like kids who are falling off the horses, like. That sounds like a dope competition. Yeah,

it's, I mean, it's great. If a kid gets trampled by the horse to death, does he posthumously win? Of course. The highlight of my entire life is the time I was at the county fair and I saw a 4-H bunny rabbit competition. It's pretty good. Oh, my goodness. This little boy with glasses. Because they have to do special moves to show off the haunches and whatnot.

Oh, yeah. Oh, my goodness gracious. Oh, my goodness gracious. Oh, my goodness gracious me. But, yeah, I could see where you were going with this of, like, seeing Joan Jett at the county fair, pretty badass. Seeing the Sugar Ray 90s nostalgia tour, suspect at best. Yeah. I will say that I am so curious about those 90s nostalgia things that I am almost going to them. Really?

My curiosity is so through the roof at this point of, like, who's there? What are they doing? What songs do they play? Is anyone from the original band? Like, I have so many questions about it. I can see a world where I go to it. Well, Sugar Ray is probably there, right? Yeah.

You know the guy I'm talking about from Extra? Yeah, yeah. John Sugar Ray. Lead singer of Sugar Ray? Yeah. The guy I'm talking about from Extra? Yeah, yeah. John Sugar Ray. Lead singer of Sugar Ray. Yeah. You know, a guy from Semisonic was on The Sound of Young America many years ago because he wrote a really nice book about

a really nice book about what it's like to be in a rock band that is popular for two years. And like a lot of the guys in Semisonic, sort of like with the band Cracker, how they were in Camper Van Beethoven before that. Like some of the guys in Semisonic were in like a credible band in

Minneapolis, in the Minneapolis scene before Semisonic. And then they just unexpectedly had a hit record with Semisonic and they were famous for two years. And I figured out just like from this guy's like in the first chapter, just some kind of scene setting of describing him looking back. He just mentioned kind of a few ridiculous elements of the church I used to work at. He came on, I was like, hey, guy from Semisonic,

do you go to the church I used to work at? He's like, yep. Weird. What church did you work at? I worked at a weird Episcopalian church called St. Gregory of Nyssa in Potrero Hill in San Francisco. Very nice church. When I say weird, I mean I only mean that it's weird. I don't mean any value judgment by that.

Sure. They do special dances and have special murals of different weird people and stuff. Oh, okay. Cool. But a lovely place. Oh, okay. Cool. But a lovely place. A lovely place. Lovely people. If I got – if someone was – I mean, I don't want to be, like, begging or anything.

Far be it for me to beg. And I'm doing pretty well. I can afford my own concert tickets. Whoa. But I would absolutely go to one of these things if someone would give me a ticket. Really? If someone's in PR or something and throws down – if, like, hey, I work for the Greek or whatever this thing comes in L.A., I would go to it. What if it's just like a listener?

Who like has an extra? Yeah. You know, Smart Bunny lives like two doors down. What if Smart Bunny's got you? Oh, yeah. No, yeah. If it would work out, I would absolutely go to one of these things. If it would work out.

Like if you don't have like a dentist appointment, you'd have to move. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. If it's not too hot outside. If all of the planets line up correctly, I will go to see Sugar Ray at one of these things. Who do you want to see? Carrie, who do you want to see at the State Fair? I don't even know who really goes to the State Fair.

Is it all like hard, formerly hard rock? Yeah, it's like something that like shit from the late 80s and then like some of it is good probably now it's 90s stuff right yeah no you're probably right i wonder oh jars of clay i'd go see jars of clay jars of clay yeah totally yeah i think jars of clay were playing state fairs a while back i think they went they went from actual thing to state fair pretty quick yeah you know what my equivalent of going to the Sugar Ray, Uncle Cracker, Better Than Ezra tour would be?

I would go see the Arrested Development at the State Fair. Oh yeah, that would be cool. That's a good thing to play at the State Fair. I'm sure they're touring State Fairs, right? Yeah. They existed as a band when the show came on and they sued the show. I remember that. I didn't even know that was a band. You know came on and they sued the show. I remember that.

I didn't even know that was a band. You know what? I bet you could catch- Jesus Christ, Carrie. You really don't know anything about brightly colored urban wear from the early 1990s. I bet you could see Devo at a county fair. I would like to see Devo at a county fair. Oh, that would be a blast.

That would be great. Yeah. The B-52s? Yeah, that would be cool too. Do you think they do a county fair? Probably so. I bet they do, yeah. They would be great. The B-52s? Yeah, that would be cool too. Do you think they do a county fair? Probably so. They probably play premium county fairs. I bet them and Toto opens for them. Is Chumbawamba still

in its 30th incarnation? I don't know. I don't know what the deal with Chumbawamba is. There was some good talk about Chumbawamba on the Pop Rocket Facebook page where I learned all about some different anarchist shit they did because apparently they were anarchists

before they were the band that sang the song I Get Knocked Down and I Get Up Again. Oh, and they still are and they still were then. That's like their big deal. Currently anarchists. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, and they go through all these incarnations of different band members so the existing band has none of the original members.

So you're arguing that that's a point for their credibility? No. Not just a thing that happens to any shitty band from 20 years ago? No. I'm not saying whether this is good or bad, but they've definitely always been anarchists. That's always been their following. And then they just had this one song that won them a bunch of money. I don't know what they did with it. Devo is a good call. Yeah.

That's pretty rock solid. I bet that would be good. The late Rick James. Sure. Tina Marie. Tina Marie is dead too. Tina Marie would be a real good state fair pick. Okay.

Here's the thing. Here's what you got to do. Go on the Reddit, maximumfund.reddit.com. Tell us who you want to see at the state fair. Yeah. Because I need some good ideas. And you can't just say the pig race. us who you want to see at the state fair. Yeah. Because I need some good ideas. And you can't just say the pig race. Obviously, you want to go see the pig race.

Yes, where they have celebrity-themed pig names like Jon Hamm. Exactly. Oh, God. And Porkus Hilton. Last time I went, there was a Porkus Hilton. Oh, that sounds great. It was really good. Is that like the last day of those animals' lives?

Real question. I mean, are they slaughtered right after that? No, they tour the nation. Yeah, they're celebrities. You teach them. They're in show business. Yeah, but then they're killed. I mean, are they killed right after?

No, they're not killed because then you would have to train a whole new pig to do pig racing. Yeah, they're killed. They die eventually, I'm sure. Slightly less brutally than a normal pig. These are not food pigs. These are performing pigs. How big are they and what color are they? They're babies.

Yeah. Okay. So by once, I'm sure they do reach a point where they do have to- Yeah, yeah. Six months. Retire. Retire via knife. Yeah, retire via electric pulse to the brain.

Electric current. Yeah. Okay. Moment of silence. Well, have fun trying to win a stuffed Axl Rose at the thing where you throw balls at a milk carton. I'll be watching the little pigs race. And not thinking about their impending deaths. You got it.

Yeah. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morse, boy detective. I'm Carrie Poppy, padded room. That time I got kind of sexy. It was good.

Thank you. Were you turned on at all? Nah, but I think it was good. I'm just like, objectively, it was good. Didn't do anything for me personally, but I know it's good. It's legal for us to marry now, so you can just say it. No, I mean – The marriage police aren't going to come after you.

I'm a little bit worried. I'm a little worried Antoinette Scalia will stab me in my sleep. But, I mean, to be fair, you were worried about that before. No, I'm always – well, I have very powerful enemies, Jesse. That's something that all Americans are afraid of. Yeah, and I don't want to further bait him. I don't want to further give him reasons to stab me in my sleep. You know, I was in West – I told Jordan this already, but I was in West Hollywood yesterday and there was no celebration, at least where I was.

It was just dead empty. Really? Yeah. So I don't know if everybody traveled somewhere. I think you were – here's my theory about that because it's unusual. I think you were – here's my theory about that because it's unusual. Knowing where you were in West Hollywood, I think you were probably – In like a Russian Orthodox park? Yeah.

I think you were about a mile from Gay Central. I think that must be it. So I think if you would have just followed the sounds of brunch – I listened for sounds. Yeah. There was nothing. Can I ask you a question, Terry? Yeah.

First of all, were you in a delicous hesson? Second of all, were there any pierogies? No. No. Okay. I was getting. Did everything have a weird B logo on it? I was getting.

Why did the B the mascot of all these things? Were old ladies yelling at you and you couldn't figure out why? Kind of. Kind of that. You couldn't figure out why. Kind of. Kind of that. So Ross and I were getting cryotherapy in West Hollywood, which is where like they put you in a chamber and shoot cold air at you and it cures you of everything.

So there is a lot of like slave-like yelling at you to do the right thing. Is that why you're so vibrant today? Yes. Thank you. Well, it is why apparently – So apple-cheeked? Yes. Yes. And why I finally slept.

It cures your insomnia. Oh. Sounds pretty good. So they say. So they say. Although I got to say, when I'm up late, it's not because of insomnia. It's because of lovemaking. No, methamphetamine.

Oh, okay. Yeah. I'm addicted to methamphetamine. Sorry, I presumed it was lovemaking. Yeah, and I stay up like a week at a time. It's a real problem. Carrie, I think if you would have went up north on La Cienega, made a little left on Santa Monica, go a couple of blocks, I think shit would have gotten crazy. Yeah, I think I just missed it all.

You know where the action was? I don't know if you've seen this picture of the vice president and the president running around in the white house holding rainbow flags yeah no god that's great picture man also here's just something fun to do after you get done looking at that google joe biden water fight just do it just do it thank me later it happened hashtags hashtags the yeah joe biden ultimate summer boy. Can Joe Biden be the official politician of the summer boy? Oh, no doubt. Yeah. No doubt.

Do you think we can get him to everyone? You know Joe Biden's got an inflatable boat. Get at the Veep. Get at the Veep on Twitter. Yeah. Tell him that he's the official politician of summer boy. Yeah. And let's see if we can get him down here.

Oh, I bet Biden has a Twitter. Probably does. Yeah. Do you think Biden would we can get him down here. Does he have a Twitter? Oh, I bet Biden has a Twitter. Probably does. Yeah. Do you think Biden would kick it with us? I hope so. That would be great. What if we went whitewater rafting? I would love to go whitewater rafting with Biden. But not on a pretty chill one with a lot of chill stretches. Yeah. Or tubing. Something, yeah. Something where you have a six-pack that's floating

behind the boat and it's on a rope and you pull it in when you need a beer. You know it. That would be great. You know it. Tubing with the bide. You know what I probably have in there? Probably like some LeBron mix. I tried LeBron's mix. I think it's pretty good.

Oh, yeah? It's pretty tasty. What does it taste like? Like cherry Sprite. What is it? LeBron has his own Sprite now. Is it colored? Yeah.

It's a little bit red. It's got a little red tint to it. Okay. Yeah. It's pretty tasty. It's like, here's the thing. Carrie, I'm a business consultant, and I can explain to you that millennials love remix culture. Mashups, remixes, basketball stars, sprites, branding, Twitter, hashtag.

Wow, this is very helpful. Thank you. Mobisodes, Snapchat, dick pics. And so essentially Sprite created a combination of Sprite and LeBron James, celebrity penis haver. And there you go. And it's red Sprite? No, you're thinking of Mountain Dew Code Red.

Yeah, but you just said it's red. It's got a little pink hue to it. Okay. Yeah, it's pink. Cool, cool. Sounds like someone bled into Sprite. Yeah, and it tastes like it, too. It's real good.

It's got a little metallic. Yeah. A little metallic Sprite. Carrie Poppy, she's the host of Oh No Ross and Carrie. She and Ross go do investigations of things like cryogenic freezing or whatever that thing is called. Sure, yeah. What's that thing called? We died and we put our heads on ice.

No, what is that thing? Just like Walt Disney. Crypto-spiritium. Cryptozoology. That's when you freeze Bigfoot. Cryotherapy. Cryotherapy. Yep.

That's where you talk to a frozen psychologist. Sorry. That wasn't even a joke. Nah. Fuck that, you know? Yeah. What a disaster. Are we really going to end on that?

But you decided not to commit halfway through it. A frozen. Well, I was laughing in awe of myself that I had not only thought of that but started to say it. No, no. I think we've all been there. I was like, how could I have thought of something that awful? Like that genuinely, excrebly terrible. Like that is the Antonin Scalia of things I've thought of.

His name is Antonin. I know. That's his first name. I know. Isn't that weird? What kind of a name is that? Is that like the Antebellum South thing? Who's called Antonin. I know. It's his first name. I know. Isn't that weird? What kind of a name is that? Is that like the Antebellum South thing? It was called Antonin.

Antonin. Yeah, I don't know any other Antonins. It's going to be a hot name in a couple years. Yeah, no doubt. Lots of little Antonins running around Trader Joe's. With all the shooters. Yeah. Shooters and guns.

Trigger. Trigger. Everyone's naming their son Bo now. Like everyone I know who has a son names them Bo. Hmm. Yeah. That's after Bo Jackson.

Yeah. B-E-A-U. I mean, who is answered in Scalia but the Bo Jackson of the Supreme Court? He does it all. Speed and power.

Baseball. Football. Have you ever known a Bo? I don't think I've ever known a bow no i had a big crush on a bow in high school and he turned out to be an ass yeah i'm sorry to hear that doesn't sound like he was much of a bow for you yeah very good it's probably a bad choice but then after fuck me so in high school i was fat and then i lost weight and in college i met him again and he tried to get me to have sex with him in a Denny's bathroom.

You could have done it in a Denny's bathroom? Did he at least pay for the Grand Slams? I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom. Really? Jessie. Good for you. That's what I've done with Humpty Hump. Oh my god, I'm thinking of Humpty Hump. I really mix

up my experiences with those of digital underground alter ego, shock G alter ego, Humpty Hump. Yeah. You did it in a Wendy's bathroom. Jordan, do I like my oatmeal lumpy? No, again, Humpty Hump. Jeez Louise.

I like to pour a lot of half and half in there. Stir it up. Boy. Yeah. Well, we got a lot of fun. Yeah. Carrie Poppy from Oh No Ross and Carrie. Check out that show if you haven't already.

It's a blast. And it's infrequent, so you don't have to worry. It's consistent, but infrequent, so you don't have to worry about it clogging up your tubes. You know what I mean? Yeah. Some people might use the word monthly, but inconsistent is also good. I said it was consistent and infrequent. Oh, right. No, sorry, sorry.

Infrequent, yes. Consistently infrequent. No, you're right. You're right. You're right. So it won't clog up your tubes. It's monthly, like your period. You got it. It's your Aunt Carrie coming to visit. To make you bloated with podcasts.

Our producer, Julian Burrell, over there on the boards. Brian Fernandez cutting the show from all the way in what I call Jolio-ding-land. We'll see you in Los Angeles July 7th. In Portland in a couple of months. And next week right here on the podcast. Jordan, Jessica. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture.

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