Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 387: Slamtastic Four with Joe Randazzo and Asterios Kokkinos

Episode Date: July 27, 2015

@Midnight head writer Joe Randazzo joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of ice cream flavors, Jordan's trip to see Steely Dan at the Hollywood Bowl, and how Joe's son's kid lawyer phase. Plus, Asterios Kokkinos calls in as he eats his way through the entire Slamtastic Four menu at his local Denny's.  

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and sex and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Ice Cream King, I'm changing it to Ice Cream King. Not yours, mine. Okay. Jesse Thorne. Yeah, I don't think I'm prepared to. I was a little afraid that, I mean, being the ice cream king sounds like a lot of responsibility.

Well, there's a lot of paperwork. Sure. The main concern is going to be paperwork. So many meetings. Well, you have to meet with your ice cream vizier. Sure. Vizier? You have to keep the ice cream.

How's that word pronounced? You have to keep the ice cream peasants happy so they don't revolt. Yeah, sure. Yeah, no thank you. Heavy is the head that wears the ice cream crown. And sticky. I am not. Yeah, no thank you. Heavy is the head that wears the ice cream crown. And sticky. I am not. Yeah, heavy and sticky is the head.

And I just don't think I'm prepared for that. Like, if you want it because you're power mad. Right. You can have it. I'm fine with a lower position in the ice cream fiefdom. So what are you looking at, an ice cream duke? I don't even think that. You don't even want to be an ice cream cobbler.

Maybe I'll just be an ice cream cobbler. No, a peach cobbler. I'll be a peach cobbler who lives in the village. And sometimes I have ice cream on top of me. Right. Are you concerned

about diseases such as the Black Plague and the Galloping Dropsy? Well, I mean, hopefully my, you know, ice cream royalty is handling that. No, sir.

Oh, wow. You're just working on accumulating riches for yourself. Well, I'm focused on developing new flavors. Sure. And the war with the cookie people. The impending war with the cookie kingdom. They've got shortbread, Your Majesty. They're monsters.

Yeah, I... Well, then, yeah, I guess I will probably... While you are busy with your, you know, fool's war, your vain foolish war against the cookie people and test marketing new flavors, maybe something with peanut butter in it. I did put peanut butter in my flavor today. Okay. So, yeah, I guess I probably will die of the black lung or, you know, get kicked by an ice cream mule or something. Scarlet rubella. Yeah, I probably will die early and leave orphans.

So, yeah. That's on you, though. I'll tell you what. That shit's on you. It's hard, Jordan. This is just an ice cream secret that I'm willing to share with you. Let's introduce our guest. Okay.

Ice cream secret, sure. He might want to know about this. Yeah. I don't know if does he love ice cream. Yeah. And the guests can't hear until we introduce them. So. Okay. We open up their headphones.

Our guest on the program, the head writer of the television program at midnight, the former editor of The Onion, the author of Funny on Purpose, colon, a subtitle that I can't recall right off the top of my head, a manual about making it in the comedy biz. Yeah, you're close. Hi, Joe. Hi. I do love ice cream. Okay, great. Then you're going to love this.

Favorite Flaves? I think Mint Oreo would be my favorite flavor. That's not a bad choice Yeah it's a good choice. Where do you get it? I guess I, when you said mint I'm like he's gonna say mint chip I'm gonna tune out. But then I heard mint Oreo and I'm like what?

Where do you get a mint Oreo? Just standard Ben and Jerry's I mean you can find them most other places Is that a standard thing? Am I just so out of it? That's a big – yeah, I think that's a standard. It's a relatively common flavor. Now, this isn't a universal flavor. There are times when I can't find it.

There are definitely times when I can't find it. But it's among the best flavors, Jordan. Do you not like a minty ice cream? I'm okay with it. I did not like it as a kid but grew to appreciate it as an adult. It is piling coolness on coolness. Sure. Now, that happens to be my specialty.

The nice thing about the Ben & Jerry's, I think it's called Mint Chocolate Cookie. They probably can't use Oreo. They do not have the franchise. Right. Is that it's not overpoweringly minty. It's just a sort of – Breyers has Oreo cookie blasts. Okay.

Yeah. Gotcha. It's just a clean – Yeah. I mean I think I prefer the mint when it's not – when it doesn't veer into toothpaste territory. Yeah. Now, I just – I eat toothpaste. Yeah.

Well, that's on you. I refrigerate it. You're the mad – I refrigerate it. You're the mad ice cream king. Yeah. You have a lot of bizarre behavior. I have – okay.

So first of all, I've got an ice cream question. I have – OK. So first of all, I've got an ice cream question and I think there's probably going to be in our audience a food expert who can answer this for me. Here's my question. If I'm going to the grocery store, I'm often buying Breyers brand ice cream. God, I hope it's Breyers. It's not Dryers. Why are two ice creams – number one, why are two ice creams, one named Breyers and one named Dryers? Isn't Dryers also the West Coast version of a different, on the East Coast it's called?

It's called like Eby's or something. Yeah, Edy's. Edy's. Edy's, yeah. Hardee's. Yeah, it's called Hardee's. I mean, it's the Heinz-Huntz dilemma. On the West Coast.

I think it's known scientifically as the Heinz-Huntz dilemma. On the West Coast, Dryers. Heinz-Huntz dilemma. On the West Coast. I think it's known scientifically as the Heinz-Huntz dilemma. On the West Coast dryers. Heinz-Huntz. On the West Coast dryers, it's known as real foods. Oh. Yeah. So they have – this is a really nice ice cream. What I like about it, it's a straightforward ice cream.

You know, they say 100% natural on the container and they really deliver. It really is a true ice cream. Okay. You're just looking at, you're basically looking at a custard and some sugar and they freeze it. You know, they whip it and freeze it. Okay. That's what you're looking at. Vanilla bean in there.

Yeah. Here's my concern. I like Oreo cookie ice cream. I like Oreo cookie ice cream, not least because it's one of the few ice creams that has chocolate in it that I have decided it's okay for me to eat once in a while because while chocolate is a migraine trigger for me, I figure there's probably not that much actual chocolate in an Oreo cookie. I haven't had any problems with it. But here's my concern. Breyers offers vanilla ice cream and then they offer Oreo cookie blast frozen dessert. What about Oreo cookie blast frozen dessert does not meet the legal standard for ice cream?

For all natural. Yeah. Not for all natural, just to call it ice cream. Why is it not allowed to be called ice cream? Are there chunks within or is it all blended together? Does something in the emulsification process make it an ice cream? Are you suggesting – Meaning non-ice creamic? Are you suggesting that they add like mustard powder to help it emulsify?

Whatever they need to do. They need to do. That's what I do with salad dressing. Is it chunks or is it one? Right. Is it spun into the ice cream or are you getting a chunk of cookie? Right. You get a chunk of cookie.

It would be a horrible Oreo cookie ice cream if it was made to taste like you had blended Oreos into it to the point where they were no longer recognizable. I'm just trying to find some way into this. Like if it was just like a vanilla-y chocolate ice cream, which is what you're suggesting would be. I guess like it's not a chunk but a bit, like a granulated, like a sandy kind of granular. Sure. Have you had it? Heinz Hunt's kind of. Yeah.

You've had it. Maybe it's slightly gooier. Is that possible? Yep. Yeah. I think that means it's slightly gooier? Is that possible? Yep. Yeah. I think that means it's less likely to be a real ice cream, which is probably why it's frozen. Joe, you clearly have the most food science expertise in this room. What's your expert opinion?

If it's chunks, you're good to go. Right. If it's grain, throw it in the barn. That's that old saying. Yeah yeah my pappy used to say that yeah I think I read that on my brother my brother and me's farm was if it's grain throw it in the barn

actually you know what I thought you know where I heard that I heard that in like a freshman year of college in a drug and alcohol safety class if it's chunks you're good to go. If it's grainy, throw it in the barn. Throw it in the barn. Okay, so here's what I learned.

I've been having a lot of fun with my ice cream maker. Yeah. Oh, you have an ice cream maker. Yeah, so folks at home who don't know this, my wife loves me very much and bought me a top-of-the-line ice cream maker for Father's Day. It's the kind that has a tiny refrigerator inside of it that freezes up the ice cream. So you don't have to put ice in there.

You don't have to put a thing in your freezer. It's a tiny fridge where you can store one beer. Yeah. So you can get a little buzzed while you're making ice cream. You got it. And it is a lovely machine. It's by Breville. And I've been making a lot of ice cream in there.

In fact, there's some ice cream in the freezer that I made if you guys want some later. I would like some. I'll have a bite. We got nectarine ice cream and we got some pina colada sherbet. I'll pass. Okay. Fair enough. Too tropical.

All of these are too tropical. Jeez, what are we on, island time? I'm thinking I had some cream in the refrigerator, you know? Well, what kind of ice cream could I make this afternoon? And I thought, well, we got some bananas here. We just bought some bananas. I'll make banana ice cream. Here's the stumbling block, Jordan.

Monkey attack. You're about to throw them in there. Boom. Monkey attack. Give me them in there. Boom. Monkey attack. Give me back my caps! Sure. Oh, yeah. I remember that.

You do? You remember that? I do. I feel like only people with kids now know about that book, that it's lost to everyone. Really? I was once a child. It's one of my favorite books, yeah. Okay.

It's pretty good. I didn't know it as a kid. Yeah. So maybe this one's on me. Could be. I mean, I think it's a child. One of my favorite books, yeah. Okay. It's pretty good. I didn't know it as a kid. Yeah. So maybe this one's on me. Could be. I mean, I think it's a classic. It is definitely a classic. I find myself kind of laughing at it.

I mean, I do still read. As an adult. When I do like casual reading around the house, I do like to read books for preschoolers. Like Estreganona? Yeah, sure. Oh, that dumb Anthony. Too Many Cats. Yep.

These are my favorites. You monkey, sure. Oh, that dumb Anthony. Too many cats. Yep. These are my favorites. You monkey, you. Okay, so... He shakes his fist. Do your kids like that monkey book, Joe? Yeah, they liked it. Okay. The Cormac, my older one, liked it.

Is this a Cormac McCarthy? Yeah, Cormac McCarthy is my older child. He's much older. Older than you, even.ac McCarthy is my older child. He's much older. Older than you even. And we haven't really introduced books to Gus, the younger, yet. But I'm sure he'll love it. Something, it was really fun in our office. We got to visit with Cormac for a little bit on Friday, which was very fun.

I want to finish my ice cream story. Can I just say about something funny that Cormac did? Okay. Well, people come back to it. That's a Jordan Jesse Go signature move. He likes ice cream too, Cormac. So maybe that'll be a nice segue. There's our segue.

When we need it, I'll bring it in. So something that I thought was really great, and Cormac is a six. Six, yeah. Is that he sat in your office and I think was either playing with action figures or coloring. A child's activity. Child activity 27B, name it. Hungry, hungry hippos.

Sure. Crossfire. He was printing Calvin and Hobbes comics. Oh, okay. Like off the internet? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I guess that's what they were doing.

Yeah, or making photocopies of them, I think. Because he brought his book. Oh, okay. Don't just tweet at Chris Hardwick about how Joe was wasting office supplies on his six-year-old. We can use that. Chris personally brings in all that paper and stuff from his own supply. He stops by Staples before he comes into the office. He doesn't, but he approves the budget every morning.

Asks us what we want from Starbucks. Very hands-on. Very hands-on. There's a lot of room in the back of the Jaguar for stationery. Right. And everybody's latte orders. You don't see Larry Wilmore doing that. No, sir.

Maybe he does. I don't know. Yeah. I would say. So, Corbeck was sitting in your office doing a child thing and just full-throated singing the Jurassic Park theme music. Yeah. It was great. I'm glad you liked it.

Yeah, I thought it was really charming, and I thought he did a pretty good rendition of that wordless song. Yeah. Was he doing like a Wayne Brady? Was he improvising words? No, it was like da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da-da. Does he love Jurassic Park? He does.

He loves them. He has a love-hate relationship because he scares easily. He freights easily. He gets scared by William H. Macy. William H. Macy, yeah, terrifies him. Actually, Taya Leone is the real scary one. We saw Jurassic Park 3 not too long ago. Maybe I'm just getting weak with my movie criticism, but I didn't think it was that bad.

I think the Jurassic Park sequels have a real, you know, people hate them. Yeah. Movie, you know, movie guys. I'm a movie guy. They hate the Jurassic Park sequels. I watched them in preparation to go on Wham! Bam! Pow!

Yeah, and thought they were perfectly charming, fun, summer romps. Three just jumps right into the action. Sure. And there's really no stop. Dinos basically immediately. Yeah. Regular Jurassic Park ain't Citizen Kane. Yeah.

I mean, it's a, you know, it's a, you know. It's fine. It's great. It was very exciting to see those dinosaurs at the time. Absolutely. But, yeah, I think the other ones the other ones are have this weird reputation of being, you know, just cash in pieces of shit. And I think they're fine. They're fun.

I do remember, though, in the second one, not much except that Jeff Goldblum has an African-American gymnast daughter who uses an acrobatic move to kick a velociraptor across the room. Sure. That sounds pretty dope. Yeah. I think that is at once its dopest moment and its greatest crime. Yeah. Also impales it on a spike too. Is it that girl from the Olympics?

She looked like Dominique Swain. Is that who it was? Dominique something. Swain sounds wrong. Yeah. Julian, you should be Googling this. I don't know. I mean, I think, I mean, if I was to guess, I would guess that the girl, the actress,

was not the one who was doing the gymnastics in the raptor kicking scene. I don't know. And, you know. But who am I? I'm guessing it was a double. Julian, can you look up the name of that Eastern European gymnastics coach that was, like, famous for coaching all of the great gymnasts so that I can jokingly say his name. Bella Caroli.

Bella Caroli. Is it Bella Caroli? I think so. No, that's his name. Oh, damn it. It's Adam Caroli. Yeah. So he enjoys the dinos but is scared of the scary parts.

And the scary parts are really scary in those movies. Pretty scary, yeah. So he hasn't seen Jurassic World. I went to see it and then decided that maybe it was a little too scary. And he was actually kind of relieved that I made that call. Okay, nice. You know what, though? I bought him ice cream once after a movie.

Right. And he really enjoyed it. You know, it's a seamless segue. It's funny. Seamless segue. It's funny. Seamless. It's funny that you should mention ice cream, Joe. I'm actually. Heinz Hunts.

I have a conclusion to something that I started at the beginning of the show that it will almost certainly disappoint our audience. Simply because it's not that compelling. That is that if you're trying to make banana ice cream and you Google banana ice cream and you Google banana ice cream, the only thing you get is banana, quote, ice cream,

unquote, exclusively, which is, and you know what that is? That's freezing a banana and putting it in a blender. Which actually is pretty good. I can see that being good. I was going to say when we started this crazy journey, long ago it was now with the ice cream that bananas – Bananas may.

Bananas are one of the only flavors that I don't really like in an ice cream. But I think there's a couple – What about lobster? I haven't had lobster. I'll be honest. Which seafood do you most like? Well, I love cod. I do love shrimp. I haven't had lobster in an ice cream yet. Which seafood do you most like? Well, I love cod. I do love shrimp.

I haven't had lobster in an ice cream yet. It's a little out of my budget. If you're eating shrimp ice cream, you are balling. I bet Master Pete eats shrimp ice cream. Have you ever had those little, what do they call them, frozen shrimp blasters? Frozen shrimp blasters? What's that? They're shrimp, and then they put a dollop of ice cream inside, and then they drip in the curl.

There's a dollop of ice cream, and then they cover it in chocolate fudge. What? Is this real? And they blast it with pulverized almond. Right. And that's where the blasting is. Right, so it's called a blaster. Yeah, because it got blasted, and then you blasted it in your mouth.

Do you get these at DQ? Would I find it in my grocer's freezer aisle? You could. There's only a few places, I think, where you can find them. And I don't think they have them on the West Coast. Actually, they have a different name for them here on the West Coast. It's called frozen shrimp blasters. Best Foods. Best Foods it's called.

We'll be back in just a second with more on Jordan, Jesse, Go. And we have something very exciting coming up. I want to make that abundantly clear. We're Dave and Graham, and we host stop podcasting yourself we started this podcast back in 2008 before podcasts had to have any kind of concept so we don't really know how to describe it it's kind of like going to the barber shop if your barber knew all about the first season of the show elf it's like a 90 minute massage where the masseuse is two people talking to each other with a third person. It's like the Monsters of Metal tour, only quieter, no music and just talking.

It's like a makeout session, but without the lips touching, they just talk a lot. Download Stop Podcasting Yourself from iTunes or MaximumFun.org. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morse, boy detective. And I'm Joe Randazzo, ice cream lord. Ice cream usurper. What? Oh, no. Ice cream you slurper.

There's a fox in the hen house. Stab, stab, stab. Something very exciting is happening right now, Jordan. Please tell us what it is. Well, you know our friend Asterios Kokonos? I do. I mean, this is the man who presided over the famous Jordan Jesse Go segment, What's It Like to Eat Off the Denny's Hobbit Menu.

Sure. The very legendary Asterios Kokonos, still more beloved by our Redditors, by the Redditors in MaximumFun.Reddit.com than us. All the impregnated pictures combined. That's where male characters are pregnant. So as you mentioned, Jordan, years ago, by which I mean like a year ago, Asterios came on our program, and for your benefit as well, Joe, and talked a lot about the Denny's Hobbit menu.

Now, Asterios happens to have moved, I don't know, overseas. To the East Coast. To the East Coast. And there's a new menu at Denny's. And Asterios is our first ever field correspondent. He's checking in from Denny's. Asterios, welcome back to Jordan Jesse Go. Thank you guys

for having me. Thank you for inviting me back. I am at a Denny's right now, and I'm really, really excited to review the Slamtastic 4 menu at Denny's. I mean, in case your listeners haven't heard of it, you know, it's like the

it's a lot like the Hobbit menu that we all love and respect, only as opposed to promoting... I'm sorry? I respect it. I don't love it. I don't have a feeling on it yet. Well, I mean, should we get into that first? I mean, why don't you guys like the Hobbit? What didn't you like about the hot? Oh, no. You know, I actually, and we can talk about this a little bit later. The Fantastic Four menu is the first Denny's specialty tie-in menu that I've ever eaten off of. Really?

Yeah. Oh, is it the Flantastic? Did you say Flantastic Four or Fantastic Four? Yeah. It's the Slamtastic. Please don't call it the Fantastic Four menu. That's just going to confuse people because people know it as the slam-tastic four menu. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is there a separate flam-tastic four menu for Spanish desserts? Yeah, I believe in some Latino markets, they are having a flam-tastic four menu and I've heard it's flam-tastic, but again, I kind of want to keep us on topic.

This is the slam-tastic four menu. I don't want people to get confused. Now, Asterios, you were a really big booster. You were a really big booster of the Hobbit menu. What did you love so much about the Hobbit menu? You know, I think the thing that I loved about the Hobbit menu was that it was so – the food was just really, really delicious. Like it's easy to crap on like, oh, McDonald's sucks. Oh, Olive Garden, unlimited fuck sticks.

Like it's easy to make these jokes about these restaurants. Right. But it's like – And they're hilarious too. I love that. Oh, no. Unlimited fuck sticks. Yeah.

I mean that's actually – I should credit Louis C.K. for that. Oh, no. Unlimited fuck sticks. Yeah. I mean, that's actually, I should credit Louis C.K. for that. That's from a bit of his from the 90s. Right. But, you know, so. He was less personal, more irreverent then. Well, back then it was a lot more like, you know, he was doing more of that silly kind of Conan-y stuff. I think when he had kids. Yeah.

Really, when it was like, I mean, that. That was a turning point for him, I agree. Yeah. Yeah. What a great observation. Yeah. I think I'm the first person to make it, so thank you, and you know, if you want to make the observation too, please go ahead, just credit me.

Sure. So, you loved, you actually loved eating the food. Now, I had a problem. I had a beef with the Hobbit menu, Jordan. I don't know, Joe, if you ever had it. No. But if you're going to serve me Hobbit coffee, I'm going to have a few issues because it's just not going to be as good as the Hobbit coffee that Nana made. Yeah.

Sure. If you don't have Nana's recipe, you know. Yeah. Well, she made it with love, too, so. And chicory. There's that intangible. She was from Louisiana. So can you tell us what is on the menu and how does it tie into the upcoming Fantastic Four in theaters soon?

No, no, no. Of course, Fantastic Four coming in theaters August. And there's a lot of great stuff on this menu. You know, the Thing Burger is what I have in front of me. Actually, I thought I might do something kind of fun. I thought I might try to eat everything on the Fantastic Four menu. Oh, you shouldn't do that. Asterios, you shouldn't do that. Mysterious, you shouldn't do that. Well, I mean, you know, a lot of the food is already on the way. So, I mean, this is sort of out the door. But, I mean, you know, I've got the Thing Burger in front of me.

And it's a hand-pressed beef patty. It's topped with crispy hash browns, a fried egg, cheddar cheese, crispy bacon, and something called, and I'm reading this right off the menu, punch-packing thing sauce. Okay, punch-packing thing sauce. It's not packing peanuts. It has nothing to do with that. No, it's made of things. I hope not. I mean, I'm about to eat this thing.

It packs a punch. Like the thing himself. It packs the punch of the thing. Yeah, because he packs a punch. He really is. He has a mighty wallop. Yeah, absolutely. Much like with him,

it's often clobbering time when he fights villains. When I sit down at Denny's to eat a great meal, it's clobbering time for my appetite. I just can't wait for it to get clobbered. Can I punch that up a little bit, Asterios? No, sure.

Of course, please. You should have said, and we can change this in post, that when they put the food in front of me, it's slobbering time. All right. Hold on. Three. Yeah. Three, two, one. One. Okay.

And when they put the food down in front of me, it's slobbering time because I'm slobbering all over the place. There's just spit everywhere. I don't know if you need to over-explain it. People don't like it. Do you want to take that again? You're going too far with it now, Asterios. Do I take it again without explaining it? Oh, sure, sure.

Okay, so three, two, one. When they put the food down in front of me, it's slobbering time and I just love slobbering. I mean, the spit. It looks gross and it's the kind of thing that I think... No, it's not that you like the spit, It looks gross, and it's the kind of thing that I think... Let's keep moving forward. No. Okay. Drippy.

I want my face to... I mean, what I like is my face to look like Hooch from Turner and Hooch. And that's what it looks like right now. Just a big slobbery mess. So I got the Thingburger in front of me.

I'm definitely going to eat the thing burger. I was also thinking, you know, about the next thing I'm going to eat is the Invisible Woman Slam. Two buttermilk pancakes cooked with blueberries, strawberries, mayonnaise slices. And it's drizzled with a clear citrus glaze. And that's how they get the invisible element in there. It's a clear, I mean, the citrus glaze that you guys are used to eating is probably like a yellow or an orange, right? Sure.

Yeah. Because that's typical colors we associate with citrus fruits along with green for limes. Yeah, green for lime. Oh, yeah, which is another great citrus fruit, of course. But, I mean, here, you know, they're honoring Sue Storm's roots, and they're making it a clear citrus glaze. And I'm looking, I'm really looking forward to it. Okay, so what else besides the burger is coming? All right, well, the burger's in front of me.

The Human Torch Skillet is coming. Now, the Human Torch Skillet is the menu item that hits, it honors Stan Lee's vision the hardest, because it has fire-roasted bell peppers, jalapeno peppers. It's in a sizzling hot skillet. I mean, when it comes out, it's going to be steaming, as steaming hot as my excitement for the Fantastic Four movie opening in August. And then there's spicy five-pepper sauce on it.

So out of everything on the menu, this is the one that really sells the theme the hardest. What is the food? Is it going to be the tastiest? I mean, we'll see. It's a thematic sausage, right? The sausage is the main event in that skillet, right? Yes, it's a breakfast

sausage with seasoned potatoes. And Hobbit menu fans will know that it's the same sausage from Bilbo's breakfast skillet. Right. It's the same exact sausage. I mean, I don't know. Maybe they had some leftover or something.

I'm just glad to see it back. Whatever you call it, I'm glad to see this sausage. Is there any sense from you on Stan Lee's feeling about it? Like, how has he reacted to the menu? Do you have any sense of that it's it's it's so so funny because stanley has reacted to this the in the exact opposite way from the tolkien estate uh stanley loves the marvel characters and he does whatever he can to to promote them he's their biggest cheerleader so we know there was no Hobbit menu last year, right?

You guys know that, right? You're telling me, so Stanley supports this slamtastic form menu, but the Tolkien estate is against it? Well, here's what I'm trying to say. I'm sorry I'm getting a little bit upset, so you might hear a tone in my voice. Right. But the Hobbit menu, there were three Hobbit movies. There were two Hobbit menus.

Why? Because J.R. Tolkien's son thought, I'm absolutely not kidding when I say this. You can Google this. Google this. J.R. Tolkien's son thought the Hobbit menu was disrespectful, and so for the third movie, there was no Hobbit menu was disrespectful and so for the third movie there was no Hobbit menu and it's just like it just makes me so upset that he would take something from us

that we all love and that the three of you clearly loved you know, like away from us, so I'm hoping that the Slamtastic menu, like the reason I'm so excited about this is I kind of I'm hoping that it can fill the hole that the Hobbit menu sort of left in the American psyche. I'm guessing that's why you guys wanted me on.

Serious, that's the kind of behavior we've come to expect from J.R.R. Tolkien, J.R. I mean, not to mire this in more legal issues, but personally, I don't think Jack Kirby gets enough credit for the Fantastic Four menu. The Slam Fantastic Four menu? Yeah. He was as responsible as Stan Lee was. What I think is disrespectful? If not more. Three Hobbit movies.

Yeah. Too many movies. Yep. Stretching it out. No, not a lot of people are with me on that. Not a lot of content. Yeah. You're on the edge here. Yeah. Okay. Sorry. You're going to have to of people are with me on that. There seems to be. You're on the edge here.

You're going to have to talk to some movie guys about that one. Asterios has ordered this entire menu. I'd say we take a break, give Asterios a chance to have his food delivered. We check back in with him later on in the program. I like that. That sounds great. Bon Appetit, guys. Chew thoroughly. We'll be back in just a second

on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, the voice of the millennial generation. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm a hemophiliac. Joe Rantoso. Joe Rantoso.

Can't remember my name. You did spontaneously start bleeding during the last segment. I think it might have been something about the description of the human torch sizzling sausage platter that caused a blemish. You pictured yourself sizzling? Yeah, and then a blemish popped. You're just very empathetic. How do you make a sausage from a human torch? The answer is?

Very carefully. Cheese grater. Oh, okay. Hey, you know, it's still the – we'll be back with the serials later. You know, it's still the summer of Summer Boy. And we've got some people calling in to share their Summer Boy experiences with us. Sure. I don't know if you – did you see on social media, on the Facebook and on the Reddit that our friend

Rachel Sperling went to see Better Than Ezra at the State Fair? Hey, that's pretty good. That's a great summer boy activity. I know. And she ate a weird State Fair thing that I'm going to say was a Reese's peanut butter cup wrapped in bacon and deep fried in batter. Nice. Yeah, I think I may have her beat.

It was not at a fair. So points against. But... State or Renaissance. Yeah, so neither. Right. I did see Steely Dan live in concert. You saw the Dan. Ricky, don't lose that number.

I saw them at the Hollywood Bowl. Oh my gosh, this was an outdoor extravaganza. Yeah, so it was outdoor. Did you do some of the famous picnicking that the Hollywood Bowl is known for? Did a little picnicking. Right. Mm-hmm. Did you get blazed as the Hollywood Bowl is known for?

No. People were so – I was a little – I had never been to the Hollywood Bowl before. Right. And despite – listen, I would have loved to have smoked a dupe. Right. But I was worried. I didn't know what security was like. I don't know if they pat you down.

Right. Turns out security pretty lax. And there were a lot of dudes in pleated slacks blazing up. Yeah, yeah. If I was a more confident man, I would have asked him to pass that down this way. Sure. But I'm not. I'm not a confident man.

You would have asked them to pass the duchy on the right-hand side. Sure. Right. Or, you know, just wherever it was in relation to where I'm not. I'm not a confident man. You would have asked them to pass the duchy on the right-hand side. Sure. Right? Or, you know, just wherever it was in relation to where I was sitting. I mention that because that's actually the title of Steely Dan's most famous hit, Pass the Duchy. Can I, just real quick, I mean, I know we want to get into summer boy calls. Yeah. But there was a bizarre bit of stage patter that I feel like I want to bring up.

I'd love to hear this. I'm still reeling. From Dan? From Steely Dan? I don't think that's a guy I still to bring up. I'd love to hear this. I'm still reeling. From Dan? From Steely Dan? I don't think that's a guy. I still don't know. Steely? I was.

I did think it was a guy and was yelled at about it when I was on Jimmy Pardo's show. Oh. So, yeah. I definitely. That was the wrong place to make a Steely Dan mistake. I know. It could have been worse. You could have made a spanned out ballet.

Sure, sure. Then I would have been – my throat would have been slit. Anyway, so one of these guys, one of the Dans, was just talking to the crowd between songs and he's like, hey, great to be back in L.A. We lived in L.A. for a while and when we got here, we didn't know what was going on. We didn't know how to drive. We didn't know where Sherman Oaks was. We didn't know what a hamburger was. I totally get the other two.

But why do you not know what a hamburger is? Was it regional up until recently? It's like one very specific incident that took place that ties those three things together. That he's winking at everyone, but no one knows what happened. They're Americans, right? Yeah. I don't know where they were coming from. It's not like they were coming from Barbados.

I feel like they know what burgers are in Barbados as well. It seems so exceptionally dumb to not know North Korea. Before we came to Los Angeles from our home deep in the Amazon forest. Yeah, we were an untouched tribe. Taught to play our instruments by that archaeologist who flew in, who was dropped from a helicopter. We thought he was a god. Anthropologist, sorry. Yeah, and also I did notice there was an ambulance in the parking lot.

Who gets so fucked up at a Steely Dan concert to where they need to call the ambulance? Well, I mean, to be fair. Yeah, it could have been. It was a little warm out. It's no joke. Sure. Elvis Costello was opening. He did, yeah. Oh, right, you went for Elvis, right? I mean, to be fair. Yeah, it could have been. It was a little warm-up. It's no joke. Sure. Elvis Costello was opening. He did, yeah.

Oh, right. You went for Elvis, right? I did, yeah. I bought the ticket to see Elvis Costello and decided it would be fun to stick around for Steely Dan. I'm no chump. I'm not going to pay for a Steely Dan concert and then leave just because the act I prefer is offstage. Did Elvis Costello bring out The Roots or Burt Bacharach? No, it was just Elvis Costello and two guys who played with him on a 70s live album and another guy.

Oh, cool. Yeah. The fourth guy was Mr. T. Right, exactly. What do you think he did during the Steely Dan show? Elvis Costello? Did he just take off or does he stick around? God, I wonder. Does he stick around for the Dan? Does he know the deal with the Dan? He's friends with Dan. Right. He's buddies with Dan. That's how he ended

up opening. That's how he got the gig. He's like, go out for you, Dan. Elvis did because Dan thought he was Elvis Presley. Right. There's a lot of mistakes going on. Dan thought he technically Dan thought he was the Flying Elvis's. We'd never heard of Elvis. Right. There's a lot of mistakes going on. Dan thought he – technically Dan thought he was the Flying Elvises. We'd never heard of Elvis. Right. We picked up these instruments. We didn't know what they were. But, I mean, I think that the fact that – Sherman Oaks made my eyebrows raise.

Like, why was that? Who would be expected to know that? Joe, you moved to Los Angeles recently. Immediately drove to Sherman Oaks. Yeah. The first thing they do is they you moved to Los Angeles recently. Immediately drove to Sherman Oaks. Sure, yeah. The first thing they do is they give you your driver's license. Got burgers in the Oaks. Yeah, you go have a burger in Sherman Oaks.

Yeah, that's what you do. Okay, let's hear our first summer boy call. Hello, Jordan. Hello, Jesse. Hello, guest. My name is Vince. I am calling with a momentous occasion. Splash, some real summer boy shit happening right here.

I spent all morning today on the beach, hanging out in the ocean, and I am now currently at my friend Matt and Tucker's summer wedding, which also happens to be a pool party wedding. I'm in a pool at a wedding in the summer.

Have a great one. Great show. Pool party wedding. Pool party wedding. Pool party wedding. I'm conflicted. I am of two minds about pool party wedding. On the one hand, it's kind of bullshit. On the other hand, you have always wanted to marry a dolphin.

Sure, yeah. And finally, the Supreme Court has set the precedent that will eventually allow that to happen. I'm worried about the chlorine. Yeah. Yeah. That immediately makes me a little concerned. You mean for the complexion of the wedding or for the dolphin? For the dolphin's health.

Right. Yeah. Well, you know, we'll slowly introduce it into his or her system. I might get gay married to a dolphin. You know what I thought was really beautiful? I mean, now anything goes. Jordan, you know what. It's anarchy. You know what I thought was really beautiful about your wedding?

That you constructed a literal slippery slope into the pool. I slid down. And immediately, I slid down with a full erection. Right. I just debate the picture of the people who- And penetrated the blowhole. And penetrated the blowhole on my way down. Right.

As the priest was saying, I now pronounce you. Can we address this piece of fan art that a fan made for us? Sure. So we, Joe, when you're a celebrity podcaster like us, you get a lot of cool fan art in the mail. And this guy whose name is, do you remember what this guy's name is? I think it's Christian from Los Angeles. Oh, yeah. That is who it is.

It's Christian. Oh, yeah. That is who it is. It's Christian. Oh, okay. So Christian is a listener of ours who's called in a couple of great momentous occasions over the years. He came in and was a guest on our program. He's probably best known as the man who called in the momentous occasion that he had just found out what his grandfather's favorite genre of films was, and it was talking dog movies. He's a lovely young man. He's also apparently what they call a GIF artist.

And that means that he creates works using GIFs, which is a type of animated Internet picture. Now, this is a picture. It's like a cartoon rendition of the two of us. We don't have pupils in our eyes, which is a little disconcerting. And I appear to have no hair at all, which I do have a fair amount of hair. You would have liked a little bit of hair. I have a fair amount of hair.

I'm not saying that I'm Mr. Hair, but I do have hair. fair amount of hair. I'm not saying that I'm Mr. Hair, but I do have hair. And then, Joe, maybe you could describe what's going on in this fan art here. Is it going to animate? It's not animating for you?

Tap it. Give it a little tap. Give it a tap. Joe, what did you do? It was animated when I handed you my phone. I didn't get some blood in it. Give it back to me. Give it back to me, Joe.

Okay. I see you have a couple of plump booties, though. We do have plump booties. I have a guess as to which direction it's headed. Okay, okay, here we go. Now you can see it here. So the two of us have plump booties. Yep, and you're making direct eye contact as if pupil-less,

looking into each other's souls, and then turning and smacking the booties together. And a kind of cartoonish explosion is happening around it. And you both look contented, although your expressions change from pure joy to concentration as you turn to slap them. That was thorough. And you have big ears. Yeah, no reason to actually look at the thing now. We're doing thorough. And you have big ears. Yeah. Nobody can actually look at the thing now.

We're doing a sort of booty butt bumpers. Yeah. Looks like fun. It looks like fun. It is fun. Christian had previously been the greatest Jordan Jesse Go listener of all time. I think with the creation of this piece of fan art,

he has become our greatest American. The greatest man of all time. Yeah. Yeah. I am in awe of this fan art. It's great. Fan art. Fan art.

I said to him, because, you know, we've talked about this on the show, but I don't remember what happens on the show, like, minute to minute. So I said to him, is this something that happened on the show or is this pure creativity? And he told me his response to that question was it's something that could have happened on the show. Yeah. It's within the realm of possibility. So that makes it like fanfic, right? Yeah. It's a what if.

It's pretty amazing. That gif, it could be the next Fifty Shades of Grey. Like a publishing... Fan art that turns into a massive... Fanfic that turns into a massive... Phenomenon. Phenomenon. He's going to have to change the name

I guess he can't use us I guess Fifty Shades started out as Twilight it doesn't say any names on there I guess it just could be Curly Man and Bald Man and we all know that I have a fair amount of hair he's taking liberties I have a short haircut but I don't have a shaved bald head.

Yeah. Oh, no, that's me bumping butts with Vin Diesel. You're not even in that thing. Got it. It didn't look that much like you. Yeah. We got one more call here. Okay.

Hey, guys. This is Nick calling from Anacortes, Washington. Just finishing up dinner at my local taqueria out on the patio. Just finishing up dinner at my local taqueria out on the patio. A family got up to leave, and a tiny bird swooped in and started eating some of the tortilla chips. And I thought, that right there, that's Summer Boy. Talk to you later. Yeah, tortilla chips are dope.

Birds are dope. They're delicious. I don't know. I feel like we're stagnant with Summer Boy stuff. We've got to take it to the next level. It's not moving like I would like it to. Am I being too much of a stickler about this? No, I understand exactly what you're saying. Can you lay down just without boring the listeners too much just a little bit of a ground work for me of what Summer Boy entails?

I want to know how to judge it. Oh, sure. Yeah. This is based on an Uber driver I had when I was – I think I was in Baltimore. I was wearing shorts in the Uber and he says, in those shorts, you look like a real summer boy. So I think you got a pretty good sense. Well, it sounds like it can expand in a lot of different directions. Yeah.

I mean I think just the idea is to kind of take that, you know, take that identity and use it to inspire you to just be just like chill as fuck over the summer. Because at first blush, better than Ezra at State Fair, to me sounds hands down more summer boy than seeing Steely Dan at the Hollywood Bowl. How so? I don't know. I'm not disagreeing with you. I just want to hear you suss it out. Well, this is my outsider perspective. Joe's 100 percent correct. I just didn just want to hear you suss it out, please. Well, this is my outsider perspective. Joe's 100% correct.

I just didn't want to be a dick about it. I don't think there's any – I think there's less pretense to it. It's a little more earthy. Sure. And I think just the setting – It's probably literally taking place in a pile of dirt. Yeah. Much earthier in that literal sense.

And I think something about the setting just means like this, the Hollywood Bowl can exist year round and show shows. A state fair is only in the summer. The people you're going to run into there, you're never going to run into anywhere else in your life. Whereas you probably saw, you know, Steely Dan, you could see those schmoes anytime. I think I saw Steve Agee there. Literally.

Case in point. Literally every person in my entire Twitter follow, my entire Twitter timeline was at that Steely Dan Elvis Costello concert. Yeah. No, I think you're right. I literally have friends from New York who were at that concert. Yeah. I mean, I want to just, this made me think of a real funny joke I made earlier today.

I like to just. Please. Yeah. Please. That my son got. Six-year-old son. We were at the Echo Park Lake Park. Joe, can I pause it just Please Yeah please That my son got Six year old son We were at the Echo Park Lake Joe can I pause it here?

Yeah It sounds like You are really funny And your son is really smart That's the impression That I'm trying to get Well let's see Let's see

Casually Yeah We'll see I don't post a lot of pictures On Instagram So I go on podcasts And talk about how cool My six year old is

Although lately He's been pissing me off. Oh, yeah? But we won't get into that. No, no. I think we can... I think, Jordan, I think we are here right now while Joe Randazzo is making the turn from silly Conan-style stuff to being one of the great comic voices

of his generation. We're at Echo Park Lake. Just don't become sexist eventually. I won't. Okay. We were at Echo Park Lake Park, right? Do people need a description of what that is? I don't know if they do.

It's just a park with a little pond in the middle of it. With a pond, yeah. It's my first time there. Some water lilies and some paddle boats. And I said, and this is kind of a fun jibe at the people who go there, I turned to my six-year-old son and I said, hey, look, Cormac, all the members of Edward Sharp and the Magnetic Zeros are here. And then I explained that it was a joke.

And he liked that. Yeah, he liked it. Because he likes that song that they sang and used to make us play it over and over. The Jurassic Park theme song. Yeah. Not a lot of people know that. John Williams wrote it. They performed again. The Jurassic Park theme song. Yeah. Not a lot of people know that. John Williams wrote it. They performed it.

They performed it, yeah. Guys, I want to know how Asterios is doing soon. Let's take a quick break. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la Goe, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, point detective. I'm Jordan Dazzo, a Duck fan. Joining us from a Denny's somewhere on the East Coast. Where are you, Asterios?

I'm at a Denny's in Long Island, New York. Long Island, New York City. Great Denny's. Yeah, Strong Island is what Long Island, New York City. Great Denny's. Yeah. Strong Island is what I call it. That's where I was born. Oh, yeah? How's the Denny's?

It's great. I was born at a Denny's. Okay. Yeah. I don't know if it's the same one. Is there a plaque there with my name? Are you in the Joe Randazzo booth? I'm in the Randazzo wing.

Is that you? Are you the Randazzo? That's us. Mm-hmm. Oh, that worked out well. Asterios, how many food items have been delivered to you at this point? Okay, so I finished the Thing Burger about six minutes ago, and I can give you my report. It tasted, honestly, it tasted really great.

You know, the hash browns the eggs and the burger they all made a great comp like they made a great combo like on an on an unrelated note like my legs are tingling like a lot right like it's like it's like my legs like they can't it's like they want to dance on their own or something and this is new like i don't know is this what restless leg syndrome is no No, I don't think so. I think you're experiencing being Fred Astaire. Or an approachable attack, one of the two. Yeah.

Now, when I went to Denny's over the week, I ordered the Thing Burger. How did you like it? I loved it. Really? I thought it was goddamn delicious. It's on this cheesy bun. Uh-huh. Really good. And I was prepared to kind of not like it. Really? I thought it was goddamn delicious. It's on this cheesy bun. Uh-huh. Really good. And I was prepared to kind of not like it.

The Thing sauce, it's like a spicy mayo. Uh-huh. You might think from the name that it's cum. Uh-huh. It's not. It's a spicy mayo. I had assumed that it was cum from famous Rockman the Thing. Sure.

But I didn't think that. No, did you not? I didn't think that at all. Interesting. What did you think it was, Joe? I had no opinion. I figured it was just a commercial sauce that they put together. They called it thing sauce.

Yeah. Oh, you can put that food anywhere. Thank you. I don't like the way you say commercial sauce. Would you rather it be a philanthropic sauce? Commerce is what drives America, Joe. A mass-produced sauce. Yeah. I mean,produced sauce. Yeah.

I mean, it's kind of funny that you're giving your review because I actually – you like the Thing Burger. I like the Thing Burger. I collected some reviews of people that did not love the Thing Burger. For example, user Biggie in the Mets wrote that the Thing sauce, it tastes like the Thing's jizz. And user Jeremy Frankly wrote, it tastes like the Thing's jizz. Right. RageTacular, tastes like the Thing's jizz. Right.

They all said jizz. Thing's jizz. Law Jr. No one said spoon. Smart Bunny, Thing's jizz. Yeah, there were no other. Spark. Jizz-um.

Just jizz. Maybe it's a meme or something. Maybe it's something the kids are saying and I just don't know. Right. Here's my question. Yeah. How do they know what the Things Jizz tastes like? You've never sucked off famous rock man.

When you say rock man, I'm thinking of a rock and roll star, but he's a rock man. I have to remind myself of that. He's a man made of rocks. Yeah. I think there are other ways to taste it without having to perform the sexual act. Have you ever read, Jordan, have you ever read the comic book Concrete? No. It's also about a rock man.

I really liked it. Oh, yeah. I've seen that. I've read that, and I really liked it. It's a little wordy. It's a little talky. Sure. You know?

I like it. So, Sirius, what's next? So you've had the Thing Burger. What is in front of you and what's on the way? Totally. I'm halfway through the Invisible Woman Slam. It's also really good. It's blueberry pancakes covered in fruit and, again, an invisible citrus glaze.

And, you know, you can kind of taste the brand synergy and it kind of makes the whole meal better um i do i do also want to say though that i feel like my heart is working harder and i think that might be like a good thing you know it's kind of like when like a weight lifter like puts on more weight or like does more reps or like like i feel like my heart like it's it's like pounding harder and it's pounding like slower. So it's like, I don't know. I'm having a lot of fun with this food. You got to keep the heart rate goes down when you're more fit. Yeah.

It's a more powerful pump. So I think you're doing this right, Assyrio. Yeah, I remember reading about Miguel Indurain, the great bicyclist. Sure. Whose heart rate was about, I think, 24 beats per minute. Yeah. So if you can get down around there, I think you'll be in really good shape. Yeah, no.

Look, if it's a strong 24 beats, you don't need all those other beats. And, you know, hopefully by the end of this meal, you know, I'll get it down to 1213. So what else? Are there other foods in front of you? Oh, sure. No, of course to 12, 13. So what else? Are there other foods in front of you and things on the way? No, of course. Yes, yes. The Fantastic Four cheese omelet is in front of me.

It's a three-egg omelet stuffed with melted cheddar, Swiss, mozzarella, and Parmesan cheeses. Now, traditionally in an omelet, you'd expect one cheese, two cheeses at most. This has four cheeses because it's related to the Fantastic Four movie. Could you explain the symbolism? Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, the cheese is also stretchy, kind of like Mr. Fantastic stretches.

Mozzarella's stretchy. Parmesan cheese is stretchy. And it's just great. What about the rest of it? It's got really stretchy spinach and then the bacon just stretches. It's great. What about the rest of it? It's got really stretchy spinach, and then the bacon, it's like stretching across the plate. So it's just like, whoa, this is a talk about fantastic. You know, this is slam-tastic. What are all the items on the slam-tastic menu?

What's left? Yeah, what else is there in front of you? No, sure. I mean, that is what's in front of me. The waitress, I'm actually not kidding, the waitress said, the manager said to save the human Torskula for last because it was best.

And so, I mean, I'm willing to listen to them. Yeah, and after that of course is dessert. You know, Dr. Doom's lava cake, which is as rich and decadent as Doom himself. No, it's really, really good. Like Mama used to make in Latveria. Is there such a thing as best when you get to the end of the menu?

At that point, when you've eaten all of the foods on an entire menu, all food is a torture to be endured. I think it's going to be tough. I'm going to be interested to see. I think it's going to be tough for you to tell if it's actually the best. I don't know. I mean, I guess I just disagree. I'm having so much fun just eating all this food and talking to, like, my three good friends who, like, I haven't talked to in so long.

And it's just so great to talk to you guys. There's a smoothie, too, right, Asterios? Yeah, yeah. Have you tried that? Yeah, no, yeah. There's a fantastic four-fruit smoothie. I mean, it's the kind of thing where, you know, you could get it. You could get a couple of straws.

So like four friends could each kind of – each have some of that smoothie. And then finally – To me, the connection to the characters is basically rock solid until you get to the smoothie. Then I'm like, OK, how is this related? There's four – Because there's four fruit. There's four fruits. There's four members of the Fantastic Four.

No, never mind. I like it. You know how Jack Kirby always said that he thought of each member of the Fantastic Four as a particular fruit? Yeah. Like Invisible Woman, her name is, she's of course a pomegranate. Stretch Man.

Sure. Because a pomegranate is a – And it's funny because all the foods you're naming are superfoods and they're superheroes. So that's something that a lot of people didn't pick up on. But I mean it's a really smart observation that I just made. Does the smoothie come in chunks or grains? That's a really smart observation that I just made. Does the smoothie come in chunks or grains?

I'm pretty sure the smoothie comes in just a big bag, and it's just got the word fruit on it. And I think you're just supposed to kind of go to town on this big plastic bag of goo. And then speaking of goo, the final thing is the strawberry pancake puppies. It's six bite-sized round pancakes made with strawberries and white chocolate chips sprinkled with powdered sugar served with a side of cream cheese icing. How is that related to the Fantastic Four? I think because it's going to be a fantastic dessert. And so I mean I think that that's – I mean that's all the connection I need. Yeah, it's a solid connection. Asterios, if we keep talking, you're not going to have a chance to eat this food.

You're right. You're right. We're going to take a break. We're going to do our momentous occasions. We'll come back, and hopefully you'll have achieved that Miguel Indurain level of, what's that called? Catatonia? Yeah. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go.

It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morse, point detective. Joe Randazzo, Human Sweat Factory. I'm sincerely worried about Asterios. Like, I want to make this clear to our audience. Asterios is really in a Denny's, and he's really eating all of the things on the 2004 menu. Yeah, this is not a sketch.

I mean, he has some prepared jokes that he's clearly been making. But this is not a sketch that we're doing. No. Did he write some material because he misses show business? Yes. But he is also actually eating these things. He's going a little slower than I thought. Maybe that's more on the Denny's than on him.

He has to eat four entrees, two desserts, and a smoothie. Yeah, and so far he's through one and a half. Yeah. I don't know when their busy time is. Maybe it's packed in there. You think it might be Saturdays at 8? Yes. It's possible. Yeah. It's possible. Okay. When something

momentous happens to you, like you're in a Denny's in Long Island and a genial Greek man is eating too many entrees, we ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN for our segment Momentous Occasions. Let's hear our first momentous occasion, Julian. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. This is Lindsay. I'm a pedicab driver in the city of New Orleans.

My momentous occasion is we had a ride that wanted seven pedicabs in a hotel. We figure it's going to be, you know, seven pedicabs, 14 people. We roll up, and it's not 14 people. It's seven people and seven labradoodles. As it turns out, I talked to the woman in my cab. She owned this labradoodle. She bred him out, sold all his puppies, and then to people across the southeastern United States

and arranged a dog family reunion in New Orleans, and we got to have a pedicab parade of Labradoodles. So, yeah, that was fun and a little unusual. All right, y'all have a great day. Bye. Y'all have a great day, too. Y'all have a great day, too. This is the summer boy shit I'm talking about. Really? This seems next level to me.

Yeah? Like if it's on the waterfront or something? Yeah. Presided over a Labradoodle family reunion and they all took separate... I don't know. I don't think this is the kind of thing we're looking for. I know it's not necessarily directly tied to summer, but I think the family reunion thing

is enough. That's all I need. Do you remember when last week we had a summer boy call and you felt, it was a woman who called in and you felt, I felt that it was good summer boy shit because it was so consistent and lasted over the course of an entire weekend, which I thought was consistent with having a great summer. Yeah. Which I thought was consistent with having a great summer is just like chilling.

Mm-hmm. Repeat, like not just having high points of chilling. But consistent, protracted chilling. And you were sort of against it, Jordan, as I recall. You sort of wanted something a little more special. Yeah. Did you see on our social media that that woman that you turned against in such a dark way was the lesbian who had a sex dream about you? Oh.

I take it all back. That was great. That was the best call we've ever received. Good. She's a winner. Yeah. Fucking labradoodles. Yeah.

Seven pedicabs for seven people and seven labradoodles. I had a little, you probably didn't hear it. It was a micro gasp. Yeah. Seven pedicabs for seven people and seven labradoodles. I had a little, you probably didn't hear it, it was a micro gasp when I heard that it was a family reunion, that I was touched so much by that idea. It was something that would never have occurred to me. It started out sounding when she said she bred him out to people all over the Southwest, and I thought, ah, so brutal. Yeah. And then. And like, do we need your dog lingo, ma'am? We don't. Yeah like we do we need your dog lingo ma'am we don't yeah we do not need any dog lingo and you know what we don't need any dog breeding either there's plenty of dogs no just get a rescue dog but if you are going to breed your dog please

have a dog yeah i know sure oh my god it's a questionable practice but best case scenario you have a dog family you need to get them all their own pedicabs. Oh, my goodness gracious. Can you imagine if they all got jet skis? They probably did. They were probably taking pedicabs to the jet ski. Motorcycles and sidecars. There's so many fun ways to transport this family of dogs.

Give me a break. Break me off a piece of that Labradoodle family reunion, Jordan. Why did they pick New Orleans? Gumbo. Oh, for the gumbo. That's right, you get those big dog bowls of gumbo. A lot of Labradoodles are big fans of celebrity chef Paul Trudeau. Oh, sure.

Is he still alive and cooking? Nah, he ate all the stuff on the Fantastic Four menu and died. They just want to visit his, you know, they just want to visit the plaque, you know, where his birthplace was. John Besch.

Where he invited his favorite Dash seasonings. Yeah. I heard you guys mention Chef Paul Prudhomme on an episode not too long ago. Oh, we're in a rut, Joe. Okay. We've only got like four things to talk about. Yeah, we've only got

a handful of jokes. Look, Jordan went on Never Not Funny. I think he got through an entire episode without talking about arena football. No, we talked about

arena football. Okay. So there you go. Joe, I think you hinted at this earlier when we were talking. We went to a stereos. You say that your

six-year-old son's kind of sticking in your craw. Oh, come on, man. That's not fair. No, you're right. No, go for it. I'm sorry. I just wanted to say, do you want something you want to elaborate on? Oh, no.

I just, he's been, he's such a, he's a great kid. And I think what I ought to do is give him a break because we just moved him across the country. Okay. That'll give him. But what I've moved him across the country. Okay. That'll give him a little fidgety. But what I've been doing is slapping him around. No, no, Joe, no. Yeah, I mean, not hard.

No. With a giant foam hand. It's a foam hand. One of those number one, like you will be number one. Yeah, it's kind of a that deal. Okay. Or is it like an open-handed foam hand? No, but you know, yeah, it is.

For people who are at major pimp events. It has a little foam ring on it, too. So you can turn around. Child abuse jokes are always pretty good. It is, Joe. Gee whiz. No, you know, I think he's coming to that age where he's always been very precocious and really outgoing. He's a very bright kid and you're very funny.

And I'm super funny and I'm the coolest dad. Oh, sure. You're making all those great jokes about indie rock bands from 2005. No, what it is is now he's going into second grade. And it's interesting to see when – because I've often wondered about this, like when you become the crushed human being. Because you start out as such a – well, people's personalities are different from a very early age. Sure. You can see with lots of friends who have kids Cormac's age, you can see their personalities really early. age, you could see their personalities really early. But then when you go into school, you start to experience shame and you start to feel like, oh, this part of my personality

elicits this response, so I should adjust for it. And it's like, you know, that's how he's going to turn into whoever he is. But there's something really sad about watching that happen, where now for the first time ever, like I brought him into work, he was too shy to meet everybody. And previously, I would bring him into work and be like the greatest. You'd fire people. You would tell people they were fired. It was when I was, yeah,

when there was somebody I needed to fire, I would bring him in and he would do it. And nobody would even realize that it was a shitty thing to do. Like George Clooney in Up in the Air. Yes, exactly. Is it? Yeah, initially he was going to be a baby. Oh, right. Yeah, the George Clooney character was going the air. Yes, exactly. Is it? Yeah, initially he was going to be a baby.

Oh, right. Yeah, the George Clooney character was going to be played by a baby. Yeah, or toddler. And they're like, Clooney's interested. Can you write this as an adult? Yeah. The screenwriter's like, fuck this, I'm walking. And then Michael Chabon punched it up.

Yeah, they got Chabon. So he has that kind of child's lawyer mind. Have you encountered this? So he has that kind of child's lawyer mind. Have you encountered this where it's like, well, you said, and they can bring all the things against you. That's real. Right now, I just get a blast of contempt whenever I enter a room. Oh, really? Just like a, uh.

Yeah. And I think. Are you crop dusting? Maybe that's it. Are you crop dusting your children? Is that something about farts? Yeah. It's a fart move. Moving across the room while farting.

I'm just flinging DDT on them. Oh, okay. That's why their shells are so thin. I actually don't... When you say child lawyer, I guess nothing comes to mind immediately. Do you have an example of this? Well, we were having breakfast this morning and he had all of his dinosaurs and stuff on the table and we repeatedly asked him to take his dinosaurs off the table so we could

eat breakfast together. Are these Jurassic Park branded dinos or are these from like a gift shop? No, these are a mixture of cheap dollar store dinosaurs and high-end Schleich brand dinosaurs that look very realistic. Schleich brand. Yeah. So, you know, finally after five minutes of conversation and getting more and more annoyed, the only thing that's left is this Calvin and Hobbes book. And we put the food down.

We're like, Cormac, we told you to take your stuff off the table. He said, this isn't mine. I'm borrowing this book. It doesn't belong to me. So he took it very literally for no other reason than to push. And so then, you know, I took the book and put it in the room and closed it. And his big thing is we have to announce what page it's on. Otherwise, we'll lose the page.

And so he's like, oh, you didn't say the page. And it's like he gets you coming and going. My son got a Buzz Lightyear pinata for his birthday, which is about 10 days, two weeks away. And my wife was looking for something to do with him while we were sitting in a restaurant. They went next door to buy a pinata. And this pinata, I'm going to guesstimate that it's four feet tall. Whoa. It's a big pinata, and it's definitely bigger than my son.

Are Buzz Lightyear's wings ejected? They're semi-ejected. Yeah. Half-mast. Yeah, he's got like a wing chub. I was just gonna ask about the wingspan. No, it does not have an extensive wingspan. Okay.

But he flipped the fuck out last night when he found out that he couldn't sleep with his five-foot-tall piñata in his bed. Probably not the cleanest thing in the world either. No, probably not the cleanest. Yeah, maybe you don't want that in your bedding. It's been through some journeys in its time. By the time it made it to the store next to the restaurant. So, you know, what can you do?

He didn't use any lawyer techniques like what you had said at one point? Well, you sleep with mom. He has explanations. He has explanations. And she's filled with candy. He's most recently. It's all that candy she ate. He's been personifying his blankets and pillows.

And I'm not talking about like lovey blankets. I'm just talking about like a comforter from Ikea. They have identities. They're being personified. He was throwing a party for them. So our dining room table, every chair had a blanket or pillow in it. And there was a whole food spread of plastic

food. And he was feeding them. For some reason, one of the blankets was wearing his headphones, which were plugged into a teapot and i said hey simon what's what's going on i got home and saw this before my eyes and i said simon what's what's going on here bud and uh he said to me well dad my son's turning four in a couple weeks he said well dad before there were people or even dinosaurs, there was blankets and pillows.

I was like, holy shit. All right. Sure. You can send my son to work at Pixar. Yeah. He's got a lot of whimsy. Blankets and pillows. Miyazaki movie there.

They were here before us. They'll be here after we're dead. Yeah. You've already got the name of the movie. Okay. Let's go talk to Asterios. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morse, boy detective. Jorandaz, a dinosaur. Okay, so we have Asterios on the line from Strong Island Denny's. Hey. Asterios, how... This. Asterios, this is technically our last conversation.

By which I mean that you're about to die. Yeah. You die of a branded heart attack. I mean, die of happiness, maybe, because of the great food on this menu um you know it's it's it's the waitress keeps asking me what my favorite is like she keeps coming over and she's like what was your favorite i i have to keep telling her all of them they're all my favorite it's like a real sophie's choice i just love this food so much And you can't decide which one of them to kill. Yeah, what is the dilemma in that?

What makes it like Sophie's choice? Well, you know how, like, Sophie loved both of her kids? Right. Like, you know, it's like I just love all of these. It's like these dishes are like my kids, you know? We'll let it. I'll let it go. Okay.

It's not worth pulling on that thread. You don't want the food to feel bad. That's the choice. You run the risk of a food feeling bad. Yeah. Uh, Sirius, uh, have you gotten to the desserts yet here? Uh, I have. Um, I, I, I pounded the shake in one go.

The smoothie. Like a superhero would. The smoothie, the four fruit smoothie. Sure, just like a superhero would the smoothie the four fruit smoothie sure just like booster gold just like booster gold also loved self promotion just like me

and and I took a video of it that I will send you guys I guess I'll just tell you guys how I'm feeling. I feel a lot of pressure in my forehead. I suppose kind of like the pressure that Reed Richards feels when he's solving a math problem. And at one point, I had cut into the sausage

for the sizzling skillet. And I'm not kidding. My hand would not stop involuntarily shaking. I assume with excitement at this great food that I've been eating. And so now I've got these desserts in front of me. And it's just going to be a – I think I'm going to have a great night. I'm just having so much fun. It sounds a little bit, if you don't mind my saying, I noticed this when you first started talking,

like after you left the dentist and your mouth has been numbed, you sound a little bit like that, as if your mouth had been numbed. You also sound like you may be having mental problems, like not just physical problems. No. Some of the syntactically not strong sentence structure. No, well, it's good to... I take the notes.

Thank you guys for your notes. I mean, I guess I would just say my mouth is probably numb because of all the great food. Sure. Sure. Yep. I don't feel great.

Mysterious, what's your favorite? Yeah, if you were to – listen. Ideally, everyone would do the same thing you are, which is order the whole menu. But maybe they're poor. Ideally, they never would have gotten rid of the Hobbit menu. Sure, yeah. In a perfect, perfect world, the Hobbit menu would be year-round. J.R.R. told me told me jr wouldn't have interrupted but if someone is you know it's just there for

you know a basic meal you know maybe one entree one dessert yeah maybe they just went to a funeral or yeah can i interject one thing jordan please uh you know how I know about J.R.R. Tolkien, J.R., right? I saw them opening for Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. Fuck me. Good bill. Fuck me. Good bill. Okay.

So if you've got to pick one thing, Asterios, what's going to be your choice? Can I answer later? I don't feel great. I'm so sorry. Um, I just, I don't feel, I'm not, I don't know what, I don't know what's up. I'm maybe I'm just, I didn't sleep. I didn't sleep well last night.

That's probably it. Well, I mean, you know, like, Sounds like maybe you ate 6,000 calories off a sponsored menu. I mean, but that's, I mean, but that's cool, though. Like, that's cool. I mean, I actually counted 6,860 calories. That was close. I mean, but I don't know if that's it.

No, you wouldn't because you wouldn't have gone over. But I don't know if that's it because this food just tastes so because you wouldn't have gone over. But I don't know. I don't know if that's it because this food just tastes so good. So I can't imagine that it would cause me problems. I think maybe, I don't know, maybe the dinner I had before this is kind of coming back up on me. You had a dinner before? Where did you eat before this? Well, I mean, I went to IHOP and I had the lemonade pancakes

because it was, you know, it was dinner time and that must be what it is. What kind of medical insurance do you have? Do you have health insurance? Is it too late?

Is it too late to sign up for Obamacare? Can I sign up for Obamacare right now? Yeah. No, you're going to go straight to a death panel, Asterios. What services does Denny's provide medically? They have a defibrillator. Yeah, do you see the sign with the choking cartoon man? I would walk toward that sign.

The waitress keeps coming over and making the sign the check symbol. I think she knows that something's up, and I think she wants this signature now. She wants to pay before you're unable to. She's ready to write you off, Asterios. That's what it sounds like. Yeah. I mean, she probably knows that I'm just so excited for this great food at a reasonable price. Oh, by the way, Jesse, I'll send you a picture of this receipt so you can just reimburse me.

No, sir. No, this is your thing, yeah. This is your deal. Yeah, you had the choice to do this for us or for Vice Magazine, and you picked us. Your mistake, sir. Actually, between us, I'm doing... Do this for Vice Magazine. Don't do it on a podcast.

Actually, hilariously, when I'm not talking to you guys, I am on a Vice podcast also talking about this. That's why you asked for so many breaks. Yeah, exactly, because I was like, I got a chicken. But it really would help me out if you could cover this. I mean, it's four meals and it's three desserts. I don't know how I'm going to pay this $17 bill. I mean, it's just – it's really big. Can you consider it?

Just send him the $17, Jesse. I'll do it. We'll all pitch in. Joe will do it. He went to the same college as you and he's very successful in show business. I'll give you $6. Joe will give you – I saw the book today, my book today at the Glendale Pacifica.

What is that place called? The Glendale Galleria? Well, it was across the street from the Galleria, the fancy place with the fountain. Oh, yeah, the Americana. At the Barnes and Noble. The Americana, yeah. It's the Pacific Theater, right? The Americana, the brand.

Saw my book there tucked away while Judd Apatow's book was on display. It's like Judd Apatow needs the money, am I right? Yeah. Well, I think he's actually donating all the money to some charity or something. You know, like that excuses it. That's really nice. Like that excuses it. Goddamn Apatow.

Always been very nice to me. Asterios, I know you've got to tell the people there that you don't have a favorite, but could you tell us what your actual favorite is? What's your real favorite, Asterios? Don't tell. Listen, you can move slightly out us what your actual favorite is? What's your real favorite, Asterios? Don't tell... Listen, you can move slightly out of earshot so the food doesn't hear you. I just think the people...

Everyone's going to want to rush to Denny's, you know, and then also rush to Fandango.com to buy their advance tickets for Fantastic Four. But I do think people are going to want to know what to get. You know, the Fantastic Four is not just called Fantastic Four. It's a reboot, Jordan. It's called Fantastic Four colon what could possibly go wrong.

I think – are you – I guess – Oh, there he is. Guys, guys, if you're listening to this, don't, don't, don't do this. Like, don't do this to yourself. Right. Like you're, you're better than this. Yeah.

Like, don't like, you think it's funny. Like you think it's so funny. Oh, these are, these are funny menu items and this food is so funny. And then, and then you just just and then you come down here. Oh, the Dr. Doom lava cake is here. Hold on. Okay. Thank you, Asterios. Thank you for joining us on the program.

This is my favorite. This one's my favorite. This tastes so good. Hang up on Asterios. You don't need to hear a man die. I love it. This is the end of Grizzly Man. We'll have to just watch us listen to Asterios die. You must promise to never listen to the audio.

You must never listen to this podcast. Asterios Kokonos in Long Island, New York City. Really eating all those things. I want to, again, emphasize that not only was he really in a Denny's in Long Island, he was really doing that. Yeah. Was it his idea?

And I'm really not reimbursing him. Yes, of course it was his idea. We don't do things on our show. Yeah. We don't have things. You just make the same Paul Prudhomme joke every week. I will say that, you know, if people are going in, you do a lot worse than the Thing Burger.

Thing Burger, very tasty. It's a burger, egg, cheese bun. Bacon eggs, hash browns. Bacon eggs, hash browns. Can I say something? Spicy mayo, cheesy bun. Can I say something? Very good fries. If you're at the Americana at Brand, the faux urban shopping development in Glendale, California, you could do a lot worse than Joe Randazzo's book Funny on Purpose.

Oh, wow. So is this an exclusive to that? Yeah, there's two. We printed four copies. Two of them are there. I sent one to Jesse and one to my parents. I've never seen the book. Can't afford to buy it.

Right. I have read Joe Randazzo's book. I will say this absolutely sincerely. You know, I think a lot of people take the position that if you want to have a career in comedy, there's like no way to learn how to do it. But to do it, like God forbid, you should take advice or ask somebody or learn something. But Joe's book is not only very funny and very entertaining, it is also a genuinely insightful look at how to make a career in comedy across the board, like not just as a performer but as a writer in new media and lots and lots of different places.

And he interviews me in the book. Yeah. You were great. I interviewed Judd Apatow also. Judd Apatow is legitimately a very nice man in the book. Yeah. You were great. I interviewed Judd Apatow also. Judd Apatow is legitimately very nice in my experience. But, Joe, I want to congratulate you on the book because it is a really delightful book. Thanks for saying that. It means a lot.

Yeah. Julian on the boards this week. Sonny D., Brian Fernandez in London, England, producing the program. Asterios Kokonos, dead in Long Island. Dead as a rock. Sure. Just a dead rock. Floating on Jones Beach.

Not a live rock man either. No. Right. Like concrete. He's a regular. He's not someone who's been irradiated to the point that they turn into a rock man. This is just a stone. The new Montauk monster.

I really did like concrete. You've never read concrete? I thought you read it. Maybe I should. That's one I really did like Concrete. You've never read Concrete? I thought you had read it. Maybe I should. That's one I've been interested in, but I have never picked it up. Yeah, I should pick it up. Like I said, it's a little wordy. It's a little caught up in it's 1989 or 1987 or whatever.

So we got to make sure that people know that this comic book is for smart people, not just for dum-dums. But it's really sweet, and I found it. I really liked it. I read a number of them. I have four or five of them. There's many volumes of this thing. There's like 10 volumes or something. Okay.

Sounds like a lot of fun. Yeah. I recommend it. Sounds like a fun rock man. Yeah. Sort of relaxing, too. That's another nice thing about it. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you don't want a comic book to get you all excited. Relaxing superhero comic book, but it's really nice. But not as good as Joe Randazzo's book. Nah. Get that first. Knock that out first. I'm reading book four of Saga right now. Oh, isn't Saga great?

Saga's wonderful. They're on number four? Yeah. Shit, I haven't even got number three. Yeah. I gotta get on that. Well, I'm reading the floppies, so I think I'm done with cycle six. Wow, man.

Flippy flaps, huh? Yeah. Sorry, guys. I'm reading the floppies, so I'm going to act all superior. Guys, look like Flippy flaps, huh? Yeah. Sorry, guys. I'm reading the floppy, so I'm going to act all superior. Guys, look like- Not one of these Trados. Looks like I know

what I'm bringing to the cabin next month. Mmm. Porno mix. Porno mix. Yeah. You still like hard copy porno? Like a swank?

You like a perfect 10? There's no internet at the- I like Wii, number one. Okay. I'm known for my smug pretension. Number two, there's no internet at the... I like Wii, number one. Okay. I'm known for my smug pretension. Number two, there's no internet at the cabins. Is this an actual cabin you're going to? Yeah.

Oh. Yeah, Teresa's grandparents own a cabin in the Sierras. Okay. And we go up there once in a while. Have family time. Sounds lovely. We go up there with my in-laws, my lovely in-laws, my sister-in-law, her husband. Now, which hard copy porno mags do they like?

My sister-in-law, Fran, Fran Hossfeld Edwards, she really likes jugs. Jugs. I was going to fucking say jugs. I knew it. Club International. My brother-in-law. That was a real dirt. Scuzzy.

My brother-in-law, Daniel Hossfeld, he likes really fucked up shit. I'm not even going to say the name. Wow. But it's shit that when you go to the convenience store, it's not even on the rack of shit. You have to know which convenience store to go to. It's behind the skull. And which guy, yeah. Which guy to ask about it um nasty pete yeah that's nice how did you know what the name of the magazine yeah because i know i know to move the skull yeah ask for the latest copy

of nasty beats just one guy it's a quarterly yeah my mother and father-in-law read Playgirl, but only for the Burt Reynolds dick. Sure. They both read it together. Yeah, just see Burt Reynolds dick. I think Playgirl's probably not around anymore. Are there articles in Playgirl, or is it all? Yeah, there's Playgirls around. There's still middle-aged gay guys.

Sure. My brother. Don't know how to work the internet. Was in Playgirl. Oh, yeah? My brother, yeah. Because he appeared on the show Big Brother. Mm brother was in Playgirl. Oh yeah? My brother, yeah. Because he appeared on the show Big Brother. And then... Is this your younger

brother? He's older. And then he went on Playgirl. Did he show his penis? Oh yeah. Oh my. Really? What did a guy get paid for that? I don't know. Why didn't you open that? We're not estranged. But you're not close.

But we talk on Facebook. And during that period in time, we didn't talk a lot. Does he own that or is it kind of embarrassing? I think he owns it. No, I'm not opposed to nudity at all. You're opposed to reality television shows? No. It's just about you hating your brother.

No. Oh, no, no. Our estrangement had nothing to do with any of that stuff. But for a while, the only time I would see him was he would appear on shows like Big Brother and Fifth Wheel and Davey Game. And so I would occasionally see him on these shows and then in Playgirl. Is your brother Paul Rubens before he got famous for doing Pee Wee Herman? No. Was your brother ever on The Gong Show? No. doing Pee Wee Herman? No. Was your brother ever on the gong show?

No. Okay. Well, it's not him. Yeah. Different guy. Do you have the issue? I don't have it, no. Have you seen his donger?

Yeah. Yeah. What's it like? Normal. Standard? It looks normal, yeah. If I was in that. So it was medium sized?

I would want them to juice up my donger. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like give me a little extra something. Yeah. Not me, man. I want to be all natural. I don't want to be photoshopped and airbrushed.

You have a legendary donger. I'm a real man. I'm not one of these magazine hunks. I want people to see me, warts and all. That's what people want. It is covered with warts, I should say. It is just. Warts on your donger, huh?

Yeah. Whew. Does your brother have any warts on his donger? No, it looks smooth. It looks pretty smooth. Okay. Like shiny or buffed? No, not shiny.

Just real quick. Do you guys think I'm as brave or more brave than Lena Dunham? How brave do you think I am? I think you are braver than Lena Dunham, but not as brave as Brave from the movie Brave. Okay, that's fair. I think right now you're not as brave as Lena Dunham, but you will prove yourself to be braver in an incident involving Lena Dunham and a car wash. Like something that goes wrong at a car wash. Really?

I like that. Specific. Jordan's not afraid to get out of the car and take care of business. I'm not going to say what, but this is what I feel like, where I feel like things are headed. I assume that he would prove that he was braver than Lena Dunham in a drag race at the point. That could be it. I was going to go for like Robot War, but then it felt... No, I think it's a little much.

Car Wash is great. We'll cut out the Robot. Let's use Car Wash. Let's just Car Wash. Should we just end the show? Yeah. Okay. Hashtag JJGo on Twitter.

MaximumFun.reddit.com on Reddit. Search for JordanJesseGo and MaximumFun.org on Facebook and join the groups and like the pages. A lot of fun chat there. Yeah. Thanks to our producers. Thanks to Joe Randazzo. Run out and buy his book. If you run into a stereos, thank him for that nightmare that he participated in.

I bet he'll post some pictures or something on Reddit. Sounds like it's got a video of the – That whole thing seemed like it was an excuse to shout out his friends from the MaxFun Reddit group. Yeah. Well, you know, worse reasons to do things. Biggie and the Mets, come on. Give me a break, Ritchtacular. Come on, Lipthripper.

You know that guy? Oh, yeah. Yeah. We'll be back next week on Jordan and Jessica. La, la, la, la, Jordan and Jessica La la la la La la la la Hey everybody Asterios Kokonos here

I ate a lot of food and I forgot to plug a comic book that I wrote called The Enemies of 20-something Mega Man 2 it's a comic book where Mega Man fights all the bad guys we face in our 20s, like Couch Surfing Man, Under Pays on Split Checks Man,

and dresses his baby up for attention, man. You can get it at DevastatorPress.com slash Mega Man 2. Again, that's DevastatorPress.com slash Mega Man 2. Print copies are $5. Digital copies are only a buck. And if you'll excuse me, I have to go throw up. Bye!