Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 396: Butt Fjord with Matt Mira

Episode Date: September 29, 2015

Matt Mira joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of how Jesse met a real viking on his trip to Europe, the top licensed slot machines, and Jordan and Matt's appearance on Bar Rescue.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Sweltering here in Los Angeles, it's as though I'm being punished for returning home to America. Yeah, you just flew in from where? The Falklands? I was in the Falklands? I was part of Mrs. Thatcher's invading force.

Good for you. That's all I know. What even are the Falklands? Hard to say. I know it's a war that Britain fought. The Falklands and the Tetons. I'm not clear on where they are. Or West Virginia. I know the Tetons are grand. Montana? The Grand Tetons? Hard to say.

The Grand Tetons? Hard to say. That's a mountain range. It might be. The Falklands are islands. Your guess is as good as mine. What's an archipelago? Oh, boy.

Yeah. It's like a fjord, but in the winter. Yeah. It's a winter fjord. Right now, a geographer is composing an angry email to us. Again, I think our policy stands just to let Ted Cruz know. At Ted Cruz on Twitter. Yeah.

Just get at him. He doesn't need to complain to us. Complain to him. If you have any concerns about this program in the future, please send it to. It's like when the Blues Brothers sent everybody to Wrigley Field. Remember that? Yeah, kind of. Except I guess it's completely unlike that now

that I think about it a little more. I may be a little bit jet-lagged. But Ted Cruz, like the Cubs, is a lovable loser. I may or may not be so jet-lagged that this morning I tried to tell my wife that I was feeling jet-lagged and accidentally said jet-blagged. Like

past Jordan Jesse Go guest Alex Blagg. Yeah, I guess so. I can only assume that's where it came from. I wonder what happens when Blagg gets lagged. I know. Is a Blagg lag a particularly bad lag? It probably is. Yeah?

Okay, our guest on this week's program, now that we've gotten all the fun out of the way. Yeah. Time to dive into some serious shit. Our guest on this week's program, now that we've gotten all the fun out of the way. Yeah. Time to dive into some serious shit. Our guest on this week's program, of course, you know him from the Nerdist podcast. You know him as a comedian, an executive now, business executive. I used to do so much, guys. The great Matt Myra.

Hello, everybody. Hi, Matt Myra. How are you? I have so much to add about being blagged down, guys. What do you got? We can back up. He's got twins, so he's probably constantly blagged down. Yeah, sure.

You know what? Alex Blag, past guest on this program, producer on At Midnight, Jordan's television program. I'm hosting it now, by the way. At Midnight with Jordan Morris. You founded it. Yeah. Post facto, but still. Sure.

You founded it. Yeah. Post facto, but still. Sure. Alex Blagg had twins with his beautiful wife, and I saw them out to dinner together like six days later. That's the way to do it, guys. That guy is living the Hollywood dream. I don't know who was taking care of his twins.

Probably the night nurse. Yeah, probably the night nurse. Yeah. Gregory Isaacs. Okay. Here we go. Yeah, probably the night nurse. Yeah. Gregory Isaacs. Okay. There we go. Jordan, Jesse, go. I just got back from Copenhagen. When I was in Copenhagen, I heard

Jordan that you said that you wanted an air conditioning hose up your butt? No, not a hose. I'll correct because you've gotten some bad intel, Jesse. Okay, because I have not updated my podcast feed, so I have not heard last week's Jordan, Jesse Go yet. Yeah, I think there's some crossed wires, it sounds like.

People maybe got a hold of some bad chatter. We were talking about the heat. Matt, what is the situation like at your place? Is it unpleasant? Do you have air conditioning? It's awful. Awful. The house was built in the 20s, so there's nowhere to put

an air conditioner in the living room. Also, giant ceiling. So anything that is going in there is going to be just brought to nothing. It's just going to go up to nothingness. Worst of all, no sound in the home theater. No sound whatsoever.

And then the – so there's an air conditioner in my office, which opens up to the living room. So sometimes I open the French doors and crank the little tiny AC to 63 degrees and see if it can pump something out to the living room. Doesn't really work. And then much to your dad's chagrin, you open the door and try and cool the whole neighborhood. Also was born in a barn. Sure, right, right, yeah, of course. Like Christ. So yeah,

and that is the price you pay for getting the charming, classic place to live. They leave out that one of the architectural details is bullshit. Yeah, this place was meant to be cooled by a huge block

of ice in front of a fan. Just have the Iceman deliver an extra block. I can't get a hold of the Iceman because my carrier pigeon is hurt. Hey, don't worry. He coming. Yeah. You don't have to tell me that. It's an hour late. when will this Iceman come

I can't get this Iceman off anyway so yeah so I was talking about when we went to Portland being really excited to stay in a hotel room with that you know the most delectable of air conditioning hotel air conditioning.

And I had a fantasy that I didn't play out where I wanted to nakedly splay in front of the air conditioner and have the wind fill me up like a balloon man. I didn't want to insert a hose. Can you talk about what type, did you already, I mean, I don't want to retread a bunch of ground that's already been treaded sure um but basically this is last time on jordan jesse go this is when jesus was carrying you right um did you want to be inflated like a michelin man or like one of those dancing inflatable men by a car dealership? Ooh, I think the vision I had in my head when I was thinking about Snook was Snoopy at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade was Violet Beauregard from Willy Wonka instead of blueberry juice. Oh, sure.

Cold artificial wind. Oh, that's a great slot machine, the Willy Wonka. artificial wind. Oh, that's a great slot machine, the Willy Wonka. Matt, you actually, when we on the way up, you said you just came back from an afternoon gambling trip. Yeah, I just went to San Manuel Casino in Highland, California. Beautiful Highland

California. Oh, it's gorgeous out there. I had an afternoon free. I was like, well, what's the traffic like? I gauge a lot of my day now by what Waze tells me. So it was an hour and ten minutes. I was like? I gauge a lot of my day now by what Waze tells me. So it was an hour and ten minutes. I was like, I can do that. Sure.

Not a problem. I just drove out. You just dialed up Waze and asked the voice of Vlad A. D. Vance how long it would take. It was actually Rob Gronkowski was directing me, too. Oh. Got it. He says it's been a pleasure riding with you. We tight like that. It's been when you get to your destination.

Thanks, Kronk. What is the... This is something that I've become aware of. I'm not a man who enjoys gambling. Sure. I'm not against it. I'm not morally against it. You're just smart.

Yeah, sure. I love delicious money. I love my money. Nom, nom, nom. You're just smart. Yeah, sure. I love delicious money. I love my money.

Nom, nom, nom. The branded or the licensed IP slot machine is now the hot shit these days. Oh, it's a treat. It is a treat. They have slot machines of every... Gremlins now has a slot machine. Gremlins or Gremlins 2? It plays into both. Wow.

So it spans the Gremlins franchise. It spans the universe. Wow. So it spans the Gremlins franchise. It spans the universe. Wait a minute. Isn't Gremlins 2 like sort of a satire of? Yes. But what happens is you get the various. So how sincere is this slot machine? Slot machine is, it sincerely will take your money.

Yeah. Absolutely. But, you know, you get the Gremlin in drag. You get the twins. You know, so it's spanning both. Because it used to just be it was a Star Trek slot machine. Yeah. Drew Carey slot machine or nothing.

Sure. There is plenty of Price is Right Drew Carey slot machines right now. There's varieties. You can play a Plinko one. When I was in Las Vegas, and this is also previously on Jordan Jesse Go, I allowed myself to play the Antique Hunter slot machine. Oh, that's right up my alley.

I had no idea. Is that Antiques Roadshow themed, or is that just a kind of like a knockoff? It is definitely a knockoff. Yeah, I meanoff it is definitely a knockoff yeah i mean it is the hydrox cookie of antiques roadshow slot machines it can't be because the bbc won't allow them to license it oh okay yeah it's ultimately your problem now mark l walberg that's why that's why i can never have the are you being served slot machine i so want that's when i will go into a gambling K-hole. Mark L. Wahlberg actually tried to sell the rights to the Antiques Road

Show to pay off some slot machine debts. A lot of people don't know that about Mark L. Wahlberg, but he's a deathly compulsive gambler. Atlantic City is where he prefers to go. He likes those sort of pervasive stench of broken dreams.

And things washed up on berms. You can get that almost anywhere. Anywhere there's gambling to be had. There's some sadness. Anywhere there's gambling to be had and natural disasters to be remembered. Disasters of the sea. Speaking of disasters of the sea, the Titanic

slot machine's a hoot. Hey! It sure is. And when you hit a jackpot, you get that Celine Dion cranking. Wow. Yeah, it's really great. He says, I'm the king of the world. So are you an enthusiastic gambler, Matt?

Is this a hobby of yours? It's a weird, it's a, I just like doing it. I don't know what it is about it. Maybe it's just the rush, the natural rush I get from getting max bet. This is probably a Jimmy Pardo question. Is there a Rush slot machine? There is not. As far as the musically licensed slot machines I have seen, you have your Dolly Parton,

your Elton John, Rolling Stones, Dean Martin, I'll throw into the musical genre as well. Although he's more of an entertainer, overall entertainer. He's a multi-talented triple threat at minimum.

Quadruple if you count drinking. There's a famous straight man slot machine. Quintuple if you count racism. I do. I count that as a threat. But yeah, and the Elvis slot machine as well. Okay.

In your opinion, best licensed slot machine as well okay in your opinion best licensed slot machine gun to your head honestly can I guess? yeah go for it I guess mash I have not played a mash but go ahead

you saved the Korean boy I'm gonna guess Sex and the City. You're not a fan of the program, but the slot machine's mechanics are just so impeccable. I'll tell you, nothing thrills me more than hitting a Mr. Big Jackpot. Sure. The Sex and the City slot machine is great.

My personal favorite slot machine is the Cheers slot machine. So basically, I was right. Like I was seven years off, essentially is what you're saying. Well, what's sad is there's only, as far as I know, in Vegas, up and down the strip, there's one bank of Cheers slot machines left, and it's at the Venetian. Are they from 1991? No, they're probably three years old.

Wow. They're just a failure because nobody wants to remember Cheers. It's bizarre. I find it fascinating how often things get cycled out. Because the Back to the Future ones came out like two years ago, and they were everywhere. And now you can only find them at the Margaritaville Casino on the Strip. So slot machine enthusiasts are fickle, is what you're saying. There's an app you can get

that will select your machine and it will tell you what casino it is currently in. Is it Cheers slot machine? Is it a Kirstie Alley slot machine? No, Diane is only on that. What about Coach or Woody Harrelson? It's Woody. Interesting.

So there's like a season two or three. It's a. Interesting. Maybe. Interesting. It's that brief three-year window. So there's like a season two or three. It's a three-year window. And it's voiced by John Ratzenberger. So it's the voice of Cliff Clavin. Okay. Yeah. He doesn't got much going on. Yeah.

He gets a Pixar movie once a year. Yep. Yep. And then. And that's it. Yeah. Yeah. But Made in America on the Travel Channel.

Remember that program? I don't. What happened in that? He drove around in an RV and went to factories that were making shit in America. Okay. I thought Dave Holmes hosted that show. I don't know. It seems like that could be a two-hander.

He grew a beard for it to look straighter. Hmm. It seems like something that would happen. That seems, yeah. Dave Holmes does like to host a television program. Dave is great at hosting television shows. Maybe Ratzenberger wanted too much money. Yeah. Oh. Dave is great at hosting television shows. Maybe Ratzenberger wanted too much money.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's probably what happened. You get Ratzenberger. You go, you want a Ratzenberger type, you go Dave Holmes. He was expecting

season nine Cheers money. Oh, yeah. They were not giving him that. Doesn't Larry the Cable Guy host that show also? What television shows should, can we make a list

of television shows that aren't just a guy driving around in an RV visiting factories? That's a significant point. I mean, there's also House Hunters. Sure. Oh, sure. You got your House Hunters International.

Now there's Tiny House Hunters. What is that? House Hunters for little people? No, unfortunately, it's just people shopping for small, small houses. The tiny house movement, if you will. That tiny house movement is a pile of bullshit. Oh, it's ridiculous. What. The tiny house movement, if you will. That tiny house movement is a pile of bullshit. Oh, it's ridiculous. What's the tiny house movement?

You're looking at square footage of maybe 50 square feet. Somebody needs to get a subscription to Dwell Magazine. It's this asshole over here. Sounds like it. I let it lapse. I let it lapse. The tiny, is it like a normcore thing, a less is more, let's pare this down? Yeah, you'll find houses built into small trailers.

You'll find houses built into storage containers. I mean, not storage containers, shipping containers. You'll find a, yeah, I mean, you're talking about a house with a square footage under 500 square feet. Oh, far, far under. Okay. Yeah, I mean, you're talking about a house with a square footage under 500 square feet probably. Oh, far, far under. Okay. And are people raising families here? Yeah, there's a whole bunch of stuff happening in these houses.

Yeah, they're raising groups of tiny Portlanders. Okay, sure. But the thing about the tiny house movement that makes me crazy is I only really only know it from the pages of my wife's Dwell magazine, which is a magazine that I pick up once in a while whenever my blood isn't boiling. You know, like if I really need to boil some blood in there. You read Dwell magazine like a lot of people follow Donald Trump on Twitter. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

I just pick it up and I'm like, oh, this husband and wife team of lawyer and architect poured too much of their life into this renovation. Oh, they also do their own canning. No child lives in this house. That's the number one thing that happens in Dwell Magazine is they present a family that has children. And just like the evidence of the children is just like one set of architecturally themed blocks. Ah. One table in one room. Maybe a completed Puzz 3D.

Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. So like a tiny house. The problem with a tiny house as I've seen in Dwell Magazine is that it appears to be a thing. Like the idea of a tiny house is that you're using less resources and it's more affordable and tiny. But all the ones that I see are either outbuildings on somebody's property

that they're using as a guest bedroom, or it's just they own a tract of land and they just dumped a tiny house onto it. It's like at the point where you own a tract of land. Just build a slightly bigger house. Yeah, exactly. Like if you're a tractionaire, which is a person who owns a tract. Wealthy person who owns a tract. What is Property Brothers?

What isn't Property Brothers? It's something I know people enjoy talking about. I genuinely don't know what it is. It's two guys. Yeah. They're twins. They're brothers. Go on.

One is a realtor. The other is a general contractor. Okay, so what they do, the premise of the show. The original odd couple. Can I guess? Just based on your description so far. They fuck. Can I guess?

Just based on your description so far, they fuck. You know, the sexual tension on that program is beyond the Sam and Diane sexual tension. How would you compare it to the Kino brothers on Andy's Roadshow? Favorably. So yeah, the Property Brothers, Jordan, and I suppose Jesse, if you don't know what the Property Brothers do, they'll say you want to get rid of your house. What they do is they come in and they'll fix it up, try to get the most money possible. And then with the budget you get from selling this house, you then go buy a house, hopefully under your take from selling selling this house, you then go buy a house, hopefully under your

take from selling your old house, and then you'll have money left over for the renovation, and then the other brother will renovate. Okay. Is there something about their personalities that's compelling? These guys are

Canadian, A. That's fine. I didn't mean to do that. I meant to go B are Canadian, A. That's fine. I didn't mean to do that. I meant to go B, A, B. And B, they were fascinating because as youths, they were both amateur magicians. And then they acted a bit because they were twins. I believe they were in an episode of The X-Files. Okay.

The one with the magic twins. The one with the magic twins in it. The one that didn't have the Sklar brothers in it. The Sklar brothers, the twins from Gremlins 2, the twin dudes from Gremlins 2, and the Property Brothers. That was it.

That's the only twins in Hollywood. But these guys are so odd, and they just did a whole series last year about them buying their own house. So they live together in Las Vegas, Nevada, and they did a whole series about renovating this home. Okay. I hate these guys. I saw the reason the Property Brothers are in my head, and I saw some sort of online gallery of stars at Emmy parties who were thrilled to take a picture with the Property Brothers. Well, the thing is, everyone is watching HGTV.

It's the dirty secret of Hollywood is that everyone between the ages of 25 and 40 is at some point in their week watching something on HGTV. It's home and garden television. That's right. Yeah, you can't put anything past me. Yeah. You know how to suss out one of those acronyms. Yeah. But yeah, the Property Brothers will be on the Nerdist podcast coming up pretty soon.

Hey! Yeah. For some reason, we're recording it at Chris's house. Huge power move by Hardwick, I think. Yeah, sure. See what I've done with my house, Property Brothers. Do you think he's going to demand that they refurbish something while they're there? No, he's just finished remodeling his home. So I assume what he's there to do is go like, I did this right, right, guys?

Had to make room, remodeling his home to make room for the engagement ring that I just saw on Facebook. That's quite a rock. Holy moly. When you have a ring from the family and then that family is the Hearst family. You're going to say holy moly when you see that. It's possible that what I saw was not a ring. It's possible that it was like a paperweight. Or it was used.

It could have been a Fiat. It could have been a micro home. When it's not a ring, it functions as the power for the laser in Congo. That's the best thing I've ever heard. We'll be back in just a second with more on Jordan Desi. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Flophouse, you may very well ask. We watch a bad movie and then we talk about it. A bad movie podcast? Isn't that like every fifth podcast on the internet? I'd answer that by saying, one, we've been doing this show for over seven years, long before the entire premise of our show was a cliche. And two, shut up.

Sick bird. I'd say that our show is more of a comedy podcast. A podcast about words that sound like other words. A podcast about me singing long, irritating songs like this one. A podcast about pitches for a Ziggy comic book movie. Or discussions about sex tarps. Yeah, I mean, mostly it's a show about three friends just hanging out. And talking about ding-dongs.

That's mostly used to. Wait, what? So if you like any of those things, subscribe in iTunes today. Or visit MaximumFun.org to follow the show. The Flophouse! Woo! Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, I assumed, I was like, oh, I guess Matt Myra's ready to go. He's been on the show before. No. Matt Myra's no fool. Wasn't ready at all. It was the opposite of ready.

But I did love those ads, guys. Thanks to our donors. Yep. Everybody. Thank you, Ben of music. Hey, you know, Jordan, you know, we announced recently that I was, when I was in Northern Europe, I was going to have a meetup. I had a meetup in Copenhagen, Denmark. Unfortunately, did not have time to have one in Stockholm.

I was hoping to have one in Stockholm as well, but had one in Copenhagen, Denmark. Met some big fans, a lot of big fans in Copenhagen as it turns out. Fans to bring the show over. Not cost effective, Copenhagen. We need more of you. Ten is not enough. How strong is the Copenhagen dollar? Despite what Dick Van Patten told us

for years, eight is not enough. Do you think these ten guys will each pay $500 per ticket? Well, I think it's going to have to be $800. We're going to have to be charging Paul McCartney meat and grape prices in order to make this. Wait, is that a tier in his pricing?

Yeah, I think so. No. Can't you do that? Paul McCartney meet and greet? Why am I now thrilled with that prospect, even though I have met him? I went to a meet and greet with Usher once. Oh, how was that? It was very small.

Was that peak Usher? Very polite. It was pre-peak Usher. It was nearly peak Usher. It was about a year before Peak Usher. Confessions would probably be. Wasn't that the one that sold like 20 million out, 25 million? Yeah, it was the one before that.

Okay. But it was a lot of fun, and I met Usher. He's very small. What did you drop on that? Well, I was, I'm in the industry, so. Oh. Yeah. Press pass.

Yeah, so I had a press pass. You had a free meet. To the meet and greet. To the industry, so. Oh. Yeah. Press pass. Yeah, so I had a press pass. You had a free meet. To the meet and greet. To the M&G. Because I guess he wanted to get some spins from my show. Sure. Or something. Your college radio show?

My internship on XM Satellite Radio. Oh, okay. Nice. That's a little more legitimate. Yeah. So in Copenhagen, had a meet-up, met some very nice fans. Probably

the most important news from that is that I did meet a real-life Viking. Wow. Which pretty much means my trip worked out exactly how I'd hoped. It was Adrian Peterson. Yes.

It was celebrity child ab Yes. It was celebrity child abuser. And I guess fun punchline Adrian. You could have said Warren Moon. Could have. But I was going for current Vikings. Randall Cunningham. I was going to say my initial

Viking was going to be Randy Moss. Yeah, that's a famous Viking. I know, but it was too... I just wanted to be current with the reference. You wanted to work in some child abuse. Mine was Eric the Red. So, we're just... So, how does... Okay.

Is Viking a cultural thing? How are you a Viking? Is being a Viking like being an American Indian? I was going to say, to me, Viking seems like it was a job you had. Like property pirate? Yeah.

Like you can't be a cultural pirate. Yeah. Only if your parents were pirates. You can. You just described white people in the 50s and 60s who were cultural pirates. You're the 50s and 60s. Well, I'm just going with when we stole rock and roll. Also other times. Um, so this is sort of what happens.

So we're hanging out, we're chatting. Sure. Oh, what do you do? You know, what are your interests? And he just starts sacking. Yeah. Just pillaged a little. He happened to be, he happened to be holding some, uh, uh, fucking German gold.

I don't know. Where the fuck does that Viking go. Here's my instinct going into this Viking story. And I want to be proven wrong. I want to believe you met a Viking. I want that for you. I want that for... I want to have the possibility in the world that I could meet a Viking.

It could be that I just met a Danish person with a ponytail. Is this a thing like how every goober tells you they're an American Indian? Oh, yeah. Or they're Cherokee. Yeah. Is this the European version of that?

Because, you know, somebody wants to fucking blow your mind. You know, I'm a Viking. Well, here's what happened. Okay. And I don't know how this bomb dropped because this guy was not bragging on it. He mentioned it in passing as though it was normal. And he was a sort of an understated guy. I mean, most of the Danes are understated.

They're understated people. He's Northern European. I agree. It's too cold to talk very much. So mostly you just drink and smoke, apparently, and ride bicycles. Doesn't sound too bad. It's okay. They do all right for themselves.

And just be gorgeous. Okay. So baseline. I want to give you a baseline context for my trip to Denmark. Jesus Christ, every single fucking person there is gorgeous. I felt like fucking Quasimodo. Walking around talking to these people. I met a woman who's a radio host, not a television host, a radio host. And I had a convert like we went and went shopping together.

This may have been the best looking person I've ever talked to, like in real life, like in a normal context. And she doesn't even work and she's not even in television. She's in radio. Like, I was at the Danish Radio Awards. I would say the average was 8.5 out of 10. Dudes and ladies. I'm not just talking about ladies. Well, I mean, the American radio industry is pretty attractive. Sure.

Sure. You, uh, uh, the Man cow. Bubba the Love Sponge. They're all fuckable men. Um, the, uh, uh, the... Man cow. Every... Bubba the Love Sponge. Sure. They're all fuckable men. Um, the, uh, the dudes all have a kind of, uh, sea captain quality. Mm-hmm.

Um, like a gosling. Yeah. Like a, like a slightly, like it ranges from, like, gosling to a, to a slightly less pretty gosling, like a more rugged gosling. Okay. That's the scale. It's like what type. It's not even how much of a gosling you are. Sure.

It's just what type of gosling. On the gosling scale. Which gosling? And they all have a kind of. Isn't that how you measure how fast you travel underwater? Flinty gaze. They have a flinty gaze into the far distance and a lot of man buns. Yeah. And what's really upsetting about the man buns is they look great.

Of course they do. Peter Dinklage looked amazing with his little man bun. Oh, my God. Fucking these man buns look gorgeous on these guys. I saw a guy who was going... So a lot of man buns? Were there any dad bods? There were very few dad bods because going... So a lot of man buns? Were there any dad bods? There were very few

dad bods because these people cycle a lot. Yeah. So that's the baseline for this whole trip is me feeling self-conscious about basically being a... I'm one of their forest creatures that they love to believe in. You know what I mean?

I might as well be walking around... It must be a full moon. The stump has come to life. Yeah, precisely. That is exactly where I was at. I'm not calling you a stump, you understand. No, you're saying that I look like a man stump.

Thank you. I'm glad I wanted to clarify. I didn't want people to think that. I'm shocked. Well, at least you have the height to wander around amongst them. Yeah, no, I had a good perspective on those situations. I'm 6'3",

so that made me a solid three inches taller than the average woman. These are gorgeous people. Fucking models and sea captains every single one of them so anyway

it just came up naturally in conversation and this guy goes he says and they have a sort of a clipped voice like it's not like the Swedes really the Swedish really does sound like they're just making a funny noise song but the Danes

and that when they move around it looks like someone just put a funny noise song. But the Danes... And that when they move around, it looks like someone just put a pair of hands in their shirt. Yeah, pretty much. For them to collect pots and pans. Just about. Yeah. I know a chef like that. Really?

Do you? Yeah. That's really interesting. So this guy... That's like a cutthroat kitchen challenge that Alton Brown will have. You have to cook through the Swedish chef.

Really? No. It should be. So, the guy just at one point, he goes, well, you know, I do some real-life Viking sword fighting. And I was like, what? And I'm like, oh, you mean like a recreation?

He says, no, it is a sport. And I'm like, okay. And this dude was like as big as me. I'm a big man. But as big as me, maybe a little wider than me, you know, goes, I'm going to put him at 6'3", 215, 220. Beard, ponytail. Yes. This guy was a real.

And so I'm like, this is like a recreation. He goes, no, it's a real sport. And I'm like, okay, okay. And it was like, what are you doing? He's like, well, you use a real sword that's made of real steel. It's very big and heavy. You have a shield and you get a point when you hit your opponent.

I'm like, holy shit! What the fuck? It's one point for murder. So this other guy there also knows about this. He doesn't do it. And he starts saying do you do Eastern style or Western style?

And the guy says, oh, I only do Western style. It's very different. And it turns out this is the difference between Western style Viking sword fight sport and Eastern style Viking sword fight sport is in Western style, you can hit them from the shoulders to the thighs. Okay. You can hit your opponent from the shoulders to the thighs. And in Eastern style, you're encouraged to hit them in the head. And this Danish guy who does the thing, he just says to me, those guys, you know, they don't really have very many teeth.

Oh, wow. And I was like, yeah, because they're getting hit by swords in the head. Now, Matt, is this something you can play on DraftKings? No, unfortunately not yet. I'm sure it's coming. Don't forget about FanDuel, your daily fantasy sports leader. Sure. Now, I mean, this does seem intense and real.

Yeah. It is LARPing, though. So that's what I got in. It seems like with all this information, this is a less nerdy, more intense LARP. There's a Nova special about the Viking sword.

I've seen the Viking sword Nova special. It's a hoot. How is the Viking sword different from, let's say a scimitar. They're trying to make a Viking sword. They were hundreds of years ahead of anybody else in sword making. Yeah, and they're trying to make a Viking sword. They were hundreds of years ahead of anybody else in sword making. Yeah, and they're trying to forge a new Viking sword. But there's technology that we simply don't have now that they use to make this Viking sword.

I'm right here with you. You ever watch Battle of the X-Planes? Of course I've watched Battle of the X-Planes. So anyway, so I said to this guy, but this is like a Dungeons & Dragons thing, right? And he says, no, it's a real sport. It's 100% real. It's like fencing or something else like that. It's not Dungeons & Dragons at all.

It's no recreation elements. And I'm like, okay. Other than you're using a sword in modern day so anyway so there's a language barrier here I'm sure

so I said there's by the way people in fucking Denmark speak English better than I do it's very upsetting I found the same thing

in Finland it's bizarre yeah it's like they speak English to each other sometimes for fun just some things

are more fun to talk about in English. It's crazy. What were you in Finland for? I went in July. He was kissing his friend Tom. You guys just lounged around in chaps. I went to do some podcasts in Finland.

Oh. It was a hoot. Okay. So I said to this guy, this know, this is definitely, this is Dungeons and Dragons shit. He objected very, very, very strenuously. And he was, again, like an understated guy. But he had me locked in his Viking gaze. Yeah, yeah.

Like, I will chop you. Sure. You know what I mean? And so we go into the forest and it's a sport. We count the points. And I'm like, okay. Do people watch this? So then I said to the guy, I go,

but like, a lot of the guys that do this, they're into Dungeons and Dragons, right? He says, well, yes, that's true. On very much nerd. Yes. Much nerd, big virgin. He. On very much nerd. Yes. Much nerd, big virgin. He's a kind of nerd.

But yeah, that guy was pretty great. There was a lot of fun stuff. I also went to the other big highlight of my trip to Copenhagen was, and I was out there for work. I went out there, folks who don't know, I went out there to speak at their national radio conferences in Sweden, Denmark, and Norway. And after I spoke in Copenhagen, in Denmark,

I was invited to their national radio awards, which are quite the production. And it was amazing because, I don't know if you guys know this about me, I don't speak Danish, technically.

And so it was like going to the, I'm not going to say the Oscars. I'm going to downgrade it to The iHeartRadio Awards. The Blockbuster Entertainment Awards or the American Music Awards presented by Dick Clark in that it was distressingly high-end operation. And they had robotic lights that went off sort of like a high energy who wants to be a millionaire pretty much no matter what happened. Like the two hosts would come on and say something and people would laugh.

And then all the lights would go. Like to punctuate jokes? Yeah, just everything was punctuated by that. That's great. And they had one sound sting that played in between everything that happened. It was like some powers going, yeah, baby. It was super. It was super, like, high-energy power chords played on some kind of keyboard.

So, you know, it went like, you know, they would just be like, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. And then the sound would go, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp. You know? And while I was doing that, the lights would go back and forth. And what was really gorgeous was, so like a lot of the awards, like personality of the year, and they'd be listing the nominees and playing clips of them speaking in Danish. Clips you also couldn't understand. Yeah, and then at the end of the clip, it would go like,

womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, while the lights went back and forth. That's the Danish National Anthem. Yeah. So the amazing part is... Can you distinguish good Danish radio from bad Danish radio as a radio expert? Yeah, absolutely. I can tell 100%.

Probably the best Danish radio host is Bubba the Left Spud. He's the best because Hulk Hogan fucked his wife. Oh, yeah. And he videotaped it. So this whole time I can't tell anything that's happening.

There's two things that I can tell what happened. How are your seats? I got great seats. Dinner's really solid. They're serving dinner during this thing. That was a lot of fun. Is it a fish? Is it a fish plate? There was some fish involved. Every time somebody goes up to

accept an award, I was kind of ashamed by how attractive they were. Like, give me a break, asshole. Like, that's what cameras are for. So anyway, a lot of fun, and the guys who won Best Comedy Show

did a comedy bit in Danish, which I sort of understood, and I was so excited about it. It was a fat guy and a skinny guy. Hilarious right there. And their producer, who was I sort of understood, and I was so excited about it. It was a fat guy and a skinny guy. Okay. Hilarious right there. I know.

And their producer, who was a long-suffering young woman. Of course. She just had it up to here with them. Exactly. Did she also do traffic and weather? Yeah, probably. Okay. And they went up together.

The fat guy spoke very emphatically and then started crying. As part of the skit? Yeah, this was the bit. And then, you know, because he was so moved by the whole experience. And then the skinny guy was having a hard time saying anything. Like he was speaking sort of haltingly, and he was taking too long. And the fat guy, after he got his tears back under control, just walked in front of him and left the stage while he was still talking,

which I thought was a lot of fun. It was a fun bit. They won three awards. They did it three times. And then later I found out that normally one of them is a woman on air. Oh. Wow. So I thought that was pretty fun.

Apparently she's like a satire of, it's like a Dame Edna type character that's like a satire of Danish femininity. Like a Dame Edna type character that's like a satire of entertainment news reporters. Okay. So anyway, I think the fat guy played that. So that was a lot of fun. That was one really fun thing. But really the

most fun moment at the Danish Radio Awards was the documentary award. Because as I said, in between each clip, they play that... And again, I don't speak Danish. But one of the clips, I'm just going to do my impression of the clip. Please, I'm sure it'll be tasteful. And just assume that my random sounds sound like someone speaking in Danish, okay?

So the clips were maybe 15 seconds long. So just imagine one clip played. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm Jing, Ling, Dong, Ding, Dong. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That was maybe something about cancer survivors. Just refugees or cancer survivors. And the lights are going...

I started laughing so loud. In the middle of this award ceremony that they shouldn't have invited me to. No, it was on you to not accept. That was on you. I guess it could have been, like, that was if during the In Memoriam segment of the Oscars it was just scored by Skrillex. Like, they just, like,

dropped some nasty beats. There was also just an assload of Danish pop musicians on the show, and I was honestly kind of disappointed by the Danish pop musicians. I, you know, I mean, Jordan, you remember the old theme, the old theme music of our of our show was a song called Jojo Action by Mr. President, which was a hit song in Germany in the mid 1990s.

Of course it was. And and I think is sort of the paragon, the ultimate in disastrous Euro pop. Sure. And I wanted more disastrousness from the Euro pop that I was getting on stage and less competence that was just slightly unremarkable. But there was a woman whose name was Yalia, spelled like Aaliyah, but with a Y at the beginning. Pretty sure it was a Y. Yeah. And dressed like Aaliyah.

Just death metal versions of Aaliyah songs? But Danish. She was just a Danish lady who had stolen Aaliyah's identity. Yeah. And then the headliner was this duo named Liga, who are apparently big stars in Denmark. Oh, boy. And it's a duo. It's sort of a White Stripes-style duo in that it is a young woman playing drums,

only she's playing a pink drum set with pink drumsticks, and she's not actually playing the drums. Okay. And the front man I would describe as a Danish Montel Jordan, if that means anything to you. Wow. That's a lot to me. Like a tall, blonde, full of energy, very lanky presence on stage.

And the really magical part about their performance is they sang a few of their hit Danish songs. Of course. You come there for the hits. You're not going to be disappointed by the hits. You don't want to hear the deep cuts. Some of their famous hits, like Let's Eat Fish for Breakfast. Yeah.

How about Fish for Lunch? Take Off Your Helmet, We're Riding Our Bicycles. Whatever. And We're All Too Attractive. Let's Smoke Like It's 1975. Let's smoke like it's 1975. So they had probably the highest energy stage performance I've ever seen. Headlined by a woman on a giant riser playing pink drums with pink drumsticks that lit up and stuff.

And then this giant Montel, white Montel Jordan-looking guy sort of loping around the stage. But then they had this DJ sort of off to the side, and he was the DJ for several of the acts. So he must have been the DJ for like the record label that. Well, you're sure he wasn't like their Paul Schaefer? Yeah, so he was basically like their Paul Schaefer. They awkwardly incorporated him in the comedy bits? He looked like, I mean, I was trying to describe to these people what he looked like that I was sitting with at this thing. And the best I could come up with was Mandy Patinkin in The Princess Bride.

Uh-huh. But border. Oof. So, like, you know how, like, DJs don't DJ that much anymore? Right. Like, the odds that there is a record on the turntables are pretty slim. Probably it's like Serato or one of these digital record reproduction things. And even if it is that, they're probably not doing a lot of cutting and scratching and beat mixing.

It's all tracks. It's all on a flash drive. Yeah, it's tracks. But usually they'll do a little bit of that, kind of like hold the ear cup to your ear with your hand and do a little scratch motion. Which traditionally was to hear the record you're about to drop. Yeah, the cue, the record you're cueing. Sure, man. Now you're what they call a B-boy.

Yeah, I've been there. A hip-hop head. I was around in the 90s. That was around the 90s. So this guy was just pressing a button, and then I would say putting his hands flat down on the table in front of him like he was a disappointed bartender. You know, like if he threw that towel over his shoulder and just put his hands down.

And he was just like... Just like... And to watch this white Montel Jordan lope over to him, give him a high five, and the guy has to lift his hand up off of the thing, just like, oh, Mandy Patinkin,

high five. 47-year-old man. When you get too jaded to where you're not enjoying the Danish radio awards, time to rope it in. I know. But you know what I do if I'm running the Danish radio awards?

I notice someone isn't enjoying it. You know what I do? Blast that. I always like watching the videos of that Eurovision song contest. Why? Because of the insanity, because of the showmanship, and just the general greasiness

that radiates off them. But it really leads me to believe that in America our pop music is better, but our presentation is worse. What do you mean? Because we could have more Viking sword fighting in our popular music. We could have more drums that go into the air. We barely have any of that.

I mean, it's only Tommy Lee and they're done. Yeah. I don't know, more milkmaids on stage? Yeah. These are just some things that I've seen that I think we can learn a lot. You're just spitballing some ideas. Milkmaids is one of them. I know Kanye's at the Hollywood Bowl this weekend.

Oh, that's going to be a hoot. Yeah, I mean, I don't have tickets, and that's just because I heard he wasn't going to have any milkmaids on stage. Are you sure he's not going to have any milkmaids? You can't be positive. Usually Yeezy has a few milkmaids. I mean, I called Central Casting. I rung them up.

They're on my speed dial. I'm like, hey, Central Casting, how many milkmaids do you have available this weekend? He said all of them. Really? All milkmaids. Your problem was you hung up immediately. What he was going to say was before 8pm.

Oh. Fuck, I gotta get on StubHub! I gotta see these maids! I actually called Central Casting earlier. I also have them on speed dial. I gotta see these maids I actually called I called Central casting earlier I also have them on speed dial I just wanted to know

when the Iceman comes anyway I had a I had such a great time in would you recommend it to a friend

I would highly recommend a visit to Copenhagen I would also recommend a visit to Stockholm where I spent upwards of four hours of free time. In Norway

I was in, I like literally so I had, I spoke one day in Stockholm then that night flew to Oslo. Spoke in the morning in Oslo and then that day flew to Copenhagen and spoke that afternoon in Copenhagen.

So it was a pretty brutal schedule, but I did get to enjoy probably Oslo's finest hotel. It's the one that is attached to their National Soccer Stadium, which I discovered when I was looking for dinner, wandering around looking for dinner, looking for the restaurant, and just sort of blundered into the stadium. Like, from one of those, like, you know those kind of, like, walkways on the third floor? Like, I thought it was the walkway to the restaurant area, but actually it was the walkway to an abandoned soccer stadium with creepy grow lights out on the field. Oh, wow. There's not a soccer game going on.

No, not in the slightest. No, this was an abandoned... So it's that feeling you get at the Rose Bowl when you're at the flea market and you wander into the Rose Bowl itself. Yeah, only with more like David Lynch nighttime lighting.

So like more like, you have to imagine the field with like a couple of sets of grow lamps out on it and just this abandoned, and it's very much

like a real Home Depot center type experience. Yeah. It's like a real weird, center type experience. Like a real weird, you know, bands of colored seats and advertisements

for things that you can't even read the letters because there's too many little circles above them. A organ bar. Yeah, exactly. Someone holding like a red cube. What is that? Is it food? Medicine? Could be a car for all I know. It could be a Fiat.

So I had a great time. So thanks to everybody who came out. I'm sorry to those folks who couldn't make it or the folks in Stockholm. I was hoping to do something there and didn't manage to do it, but it was a real blast. I'm going to go back again because it was a really great time.

I really enjoyed hanging out in Copenhagen. So thank you to everybody who helped make it a success. That's fantastic. I met Denmark's most famous late-night comedian. I went to his studios, got to tour his studios and hang out with him and his writing staff. One of his writers was a big fan of Matt's, but not of mine. I just asked every American, do you know Matt Myra? Yeah, I was like, actually, I do know Matt Myra.

He's a bit of a jerk and a compulsive gambler. Sure. You're right. You're absolutely right. Yeah, but I had a great time. So thanks to everybody, and we'll talk about some other shit. You should have asked him if he's hiring. I'll move.

Yeah, you ready to go to Copenhagen? Let's get another writing job. Dude, you could seriously trip and fall, and your face would land in the private area of an eight and a half. Like, that is just what happens there. It's, you know, yeah, I've been over to that area, and they're stunning. The private area of an eight and a half. So here's a real conversation I had in Copenhagen.

So I'm talking to this wonderful woman named Sara Bro, who's a big morning host there, was kind enough to, like, kind enough to show me around. I palled around with her a little bit. And I had dinner with her family and all this different shit. So I'm talking to her at a party and her husband's a TV producer.

And I was talking, and he works for the comedy channel there. And they have a big comedy festival. I was like, we should bring 15 or 20 comedians out from the States. Because they were like, Gabriel Iglesias was going to be playing there.

I was like, what do they think about Gabriel Iglesias? They picture an American. That's who they picture. Exactly. So I was like, yeah, we'll bring out some great people. It'll be really fun. And she's like, you know, do you think people would do that? And I was like, yeah, sure.

I mean, I think like you just tell them like you get a free one week trip to Copenhagen. It's really fun. Like everybody drinks and smokes all the time and everyone is beautiful. And they'll just be like, like, you get a free one-week trip to Copenhagen. It's really fun. Like, everybody drinks and smokes all the time, and everyone is beautiful. And they'll just be like, yeah, that sounds like a good time. And she says to me, yes, and, you know, the Danish women are also, what's the word for this? Easy? And I'm like, I'm a happily married man.

Don't give me any more of this information. Sure. Easy like a Sunday morning. Sure. What's the word? Easy. And then she goes, like, if they like you, they don't make you go on two, three, four dates. Two, three, four.

They have accessible fjord. Also butt fjord. Oh, what? Unless you're a Viking. Hold on. Yeah, so it was a great time. Okay, we'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Jesse. Go. Hi, my name's Dave., la, la, la.

Hi, my name's Dave. And my name's Grail. Now, what do we have to do to put you in a brand new podcast today? Yeah, what do you want me to drink bleach? I'll do it. Yeah, Dave will drink bleach. If that's what it takes to get you to listen to Stop Podcasting Yourself on MaximumFun.org. Don't make Dave drink bleach.

Just listen to the show. He will, but don't make him. Stop podcasting yourself. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, the Copenhagen Kid. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Matt'm Jesse Thorne, the Copenhagen kid. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Matt Myra, a Stockholm one. Hey, I want to mention something, Jordan.

Please. Before we get too much further into the show. I am going on tour. Hey. We're taking Bullseye on tour for the first time ever. This fall, we are going to be in Los Angeles. I should say late fall. I mean, are we calling that a tour? It's Los Angeles.

Yeah. So, Los Angeles, California. It's right there. It's Los Angeles. Yeah, so Los Angeles, California. It's right there. Upper... No, the other side of Los Angeles. Oh, fair enough. You're going to Ventura. Fair enough.

No, I mean, I'm going to be leading double-decker bus tours through Hollywood. Starline tours. Yeah. I'm making a sequel to that movie, The Tour. Is that what that movie was called? I don't know. Speed Levitch. Speed Levitch. I also don't know. that movie, The Tour. Is that what that movie was called? I don't know. Speed Levitch. Speed Levitch.

I also don't know. Still don't know it. God damn it. Colin, you should be looking this up right now. Let Ted Cruz know what movie Jesse was thinking of. We're taking Bullseye on tour. Los Angeles, Philadelphia, Boston, D.C., and two shows in New York. I'm doing a Make Your Thing talk in New York with a Q&A with me and Hodgman. And a live bullseye at the Bell House in Brooklyn, New York City.

Where is the Boston venue? The Boston venue is on the campus of Harvard in a theater that I can't remember the name of right now. Kids, just hop right off the red line, Harvard Square, walk on over, see them. You got it. Go to bullseietour.com. The information is all there. And tickets are now officially on sale. I know I'm trying to think of who we've got booked so far.

We got the great former congressman, Barney Frank, America's most hilarious congressman ever. He's a hoot. He's a hoot. He's a hoot. He's a hoot and a half, I would say. He's a hoot. He's a good get. He's a hoot. He's a hoot and a half, I would say.

We got the great Ray Suarez from the NewsHour, now of Al Jazeera America. We've got Dan Deacon is going to be at one of the shows. We've got Antebalis Afrobeat Orchestra is going to be at one of the shows. Going to have a lot of great comedy on the shows. We got a lot coming down the pike, is what I'm saying. So get your tickets now. Anyway. I feel like, Jordan, there's something that I want to ask you about.

We were talking about reality television programs, and I know that one of your favorite reality television programs is Bar Rescue. Yes, I would say it's the only reality television show I like or have've ever liked and you talk about you do like i have i can confirm that like i never have i heard you say you know

i don't think you have any secret uh uh you know guilty pleasure reality shows but you for real i've always been an enthusiast about this show, Bar Rescue. Which as I understand it is like Gordon Ramsay, but for bars. Nailed it. And I understand from... I'm buying that pitch in the room. I understand from Reddit that was it both of you?

Yeah. Both of you were on it somehow? Do you guys own a bar that I don't know about? No, I think this is the part of the show, and maybe Matt, you can... You just basically asked me if I wanted to do it and I said yes. So maybe you could talk about the machinations

that went into this. Well, here's the... I was watching Bar Rescue, and I've seen Maria Menounos go in there and do Bar Recon a couple of times, got a little annoyed at that. Then I saw Sarah Kalana go on and I was like, Sarah Kalana's doing this? How the fuck do I get? So what is bar recon?

You got to go into the bar while it's still shitty. So John Taffer, the man who will fix the bar, knows what's up. So they send in Maria Menounos from Entertainment Tonight? They sent her. She's gone in a couple of times. And I just was like, this is like the best show. Why is she getting to go? They ever send John Tesh in?

They have not sent John Tesh. Not yet. So we happened to have Sarah on the Nerdist podcast. And while she was on, I was saying I would, one of my dreams is to do Bar Recon for John Taffer. Turns out one of the producers of Bar Rescue was a listener of that podcast. And then I got hooked up through that. I got an email that said, hey, do you really want to do Recon?

And I was like, what? Yes, of course. And then the prospect of doing it alone seemed boring. And I said, hey, Jordan, how would you feel about doing Recon? To be fair, you said, can we get Menounos? Yeah. And then when they said no... You're that famous comedy we get Menounos? Yeah. And then when they said no.

You're that famous comedy team, Menounos and Myra? Then you said, can we get Mario Lopez? They said no, and then you settled for Jordan. Sure. Well, actually, Mary Hart then. You know when people want John Ratzenberger, but he's too expensive, so they go Dave Holmes? Yeah. When people want Mario Lopez and he's too expensive, you go Jordan Morris.

Matt Myra was on the phone asking for Robin Leach. Anyone, anyone. Oh, Robin Leach. From the golden age of- He popped up on Shark Tank maybe last season. What product was he pitching? He was pitching- That's sad.

He was pitching some product for somebody. So he was like a hired pitch man. He was pitching some product for somebody. So he was like a hired pitch man. But it was just so – at the time, it was the most depressing celebrity pitch I had ever seen. And then it was only like raised 75 levels by the appearance of Bruce Valanche. Oof. Helping to sell computer classes for older people.

And Robin Leach was there to convince you that it was luxurious to use a computer? Let's get off of Robin Leach's back to Bar Rescue. Let's get off of Bruce Valanci's appearance on Shark Tank and get back on to the appearance that you begged to make on

the even more marginal show Bar Rescue. There you go. And yeah, so I pitched the idea of having Jordan do it with me and then they were like oh, we love that. The interaction's great because they know how to make a good TV show over there. It's about, you know,

back and forth. Yeah. And I have never seen Jordan's eyes light up quite as they did when I asked him if he would like to. Yeah. Did you know that Jordan was an enthusiast? Yes. Yeah.

You spend enough time in a writer's room with that man, you know more than you need to. Sure. Are you just constantly pitching Bar Rescue segments? Yeah. We'll just like individual Bar Rescue one-liners. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, if there's something about a celebrity that had a gaffe, maybe a gaffe on Twitter, let's say.

A celebrity opened their big yap on Twitter and said something they shouldn't have. It's like, boy, this is worse than when John Taffer found those roaches at Ohanigans. And for some reason, a lot of that stuff never made it on the air. I think it's just like a little too smart. He's always soft-pitching Hardwick. Hey, you know what you could do if someone says something and they don't get points? Say, shut it down. Shut it down, yeah.

And then you put a bunch of flat-screen TVs in their house. So Hardwick doesn't buy that joke even after Myra adds his legendary tag, you know, on Bar Rescue. Sure. Yeah, I know. You know, it's just he's the boss, you know. bar rescue sure yeah i know you know it's just uh he's the boss you know yeah sure um so so yeah i and with the most i know who chris hardwick is it was explained to me by a friendly dane yes he's a very nice man blah blah blah blah yeah um uh so the the most appealing thing to me about doing the recon wasn't getting to see how

the show worked but that was very appealing sure but the most appealing thing about that is that whoever's doing the recon john taffer host of the show says that that person is his friend immediately always calls them his friend you're're immediately welcomed into the Taffer inner circle. Yeah. As soon as you do Bar Rescue. It's just you. I have a good feeling that if Jordan and I come back, we will be his great friends. So who are we talking about in the inner circle? We're looking at Myra, Jordan Morris, Maria Menounos, Sarah Kalana. Right. Doug Stanhope once.

Yeah, Doug Stanhope did do that. Doug Stanhope. Doug Stanhope's main criticism, he came back with a report, not enough liquor in that bar. I drank it all. Still not drunk. Yeah. So, yeah. Doug Stanhope, by the way, one of the headliners along with Gabriel Iglesias.

Oh, my God. Those two do not belong at a bill together. Stanhope's amazing. Yeah. Maybe they'll just make them Viking sword fight each other. Yeah. I'd watch that. I can only assume. They'd both be pretty good at it.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, we drove down to, God, where was it? This was like El Cajon. El Cajon. This is like San Diego adjacent. Yeah. Yeah. So we drove down to, God, where was it? This was like El Cajon. El Cajon. This is like San Diego adjacent. Yeah.

It was the, I would call it the Valley of San Diego. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. And the bar was called, oh God, what was it called? It was called the Myers Poorhouse. Myers Poorhouse. Yeah.

P-O-U-R. And. Myers with a Z as well. Okay. A lot of fun spelling on that song. Yeah. A double fun spelling with two different types styles of fun spelling you have and also two fonts oh wow there's like how can we make this place impossible to find on yelp um somebody's gonna rescue this bar that's right um so yeah and i uh so we went down there was just in a strip mall with a fucking yogurt place

and a pet 7-eleven was in there 11 yeah and uh yeah i i was so amazed at how little is faked in that show yeah like it all basically happens as you see as you see it uh they don't fuck with the timeline that much um you know when there's a part that I assumed was bullshit, and it's where you're reconning. Yeah. And Taffer is in a SUV with one of his experts. Sure. And he's holding like an iPad or a unbranded tablet machine. Right.

And watching what's going on in the bar. And I'm like, okay, well, they just insert those clips afterwards. That's what I thought, too. They don't. He is actually in an SUV, actually holding an off-brand tablet, and actually watching what is going on in the bar. And when he goes in there to shut it down, it's because – and he does it when he's had enough. Yeah. When he's had enough, that's when he –

When he's reached his breaking point and the service is not up to par and maybe someone's going to be poisoned by an undercooked hamburger or just anything like that, Taffer will go in there and shut it down. Shut it down. And it's the best. I feel like what you have described so far is the sideline of an NFL football game. Yeah. He comes in and he's going to show that goddamn corner how he blew his coverage. He has a rack of Microsoft Surfaces behind him. I mean, I think to describe the boiling point, I mean, maybe just to give you a frame of reference,

it's like he's five pages into Dwell magazine. Got it. Got it. And there's a, yeah. There's an ad for a sink, and somehow the sink costs $5,000. Well, no. In this issue, they wanted to redesign the entire home around the lawyer's grandmother's coffee table that was given to him. Got it.

They put that up on the inspiration board. But it was an amazing experience. They used a lot of reclaimed wood to save money. Sure. I will say that during our confessional part where they were asking us what we thought of the bar, because I knew it was what they wanted to hear, I said I thought it was worse than it was. I thought the bar was actually – It was fine. Yeah.

It was – you know what it was? I won't say that it was. I thought the bar was actually... It was fine. Yeah. It was... You know what it was? I won't say that it was fine. I will say that it was taking everything into account. The location, El Cajon, California. 20 minutes outside of San Diego, in a strip mall. That's about as good as you can get a bar

in there. Yeah. And you're like, okay. Yeah, that's it, that's it. Also, it was haunted haunted by the way oh yeah the bar was haunted that was the that was the theme of the episode yeah so did he exercise they didn't have an exorcism yeah of course they did he's gonna rescue the bar he's really gonna rescue it i mean i'm impressed by that yeah they were i will say the staff i thought was nice i did think they were nice too uh. The people in there were annoying. It was like a Hoobastank concert.

You're telling me that you were 20 minutes outside San Diego. In a strip mall. In a strip mall, and the social scene was Hoobastank-ish? Hoobastank-y? He was like, damn, there's Hoobastank-y in here. But it was a delight. A lot of tattoos that torpedo certain employment chances, I would say. Oh, for sure.

Yeah. I would like to go back, though. I'm really curious. I would like to go back. Yeah, to see the finished product. What are you doing tonight? I'm driving to El Cajon. Let's fucking do it.

Jordan, can I see your knuckles real quick? Did you get Huba on one hand and Stank on the other? Well, the Stank isn't finished yet. I ran out of money. And fingers. Oh, yeah. That's a thing. People get half tattoos because they run out of money.

Maybe don't get a tattoo. Yeah. Well, once I help my dad sell his jet ski, I'll have the rest. Got it. And I can fill this in. Got it. So it's still on Craigslist? Yeah.

I mean, if anybody's interested, just hit up my dad. Is it still, like, not? I feel like asking full retail for it is still a mistake. Yeah. Is it seaworthy? Because before, you were telling me that I just needed to get a fiberglass patch kit. Yeah. I mean, this is, like, a really, like, just basic patch job.

And the engine, is that still flooded? Yeah, I mean, the engine's still, but I mean, again, it's just like, that's just normal jet ski wear and tear, and, you know, and I think...

Your dad's really hinging a lot on this, right? Yeah, he needs it. Can I ask you a serious question? He met his second wife on that jet ski, so there's some sentimental value. Can I ask you a serious question about that? Yeah. Do you still have the winch

that we need to get it up from the lake? No, this is like a P-Y-O-W situation. Provide your own winch. But, you know, I think once, if you have a winch... Is there anything on the shore to anchor it?

I remember you got that scuba certification. Is that current? Mm-hmm. Ooh, I let that laugh. And also, I believe... Can you help us? Yeah.

Is it true that you don't have access to the boat launch because it's private? Guys, this jet ski will be very hard to acquire. It is full price, but it's been very loved. And it's got that kind of... When you say it's been very loved, do you mean that you've been fucking the jet ski? Yes, I've been fucking on... Through the hole in the fiberglass.

Yeah, I mean, I've fucked the jet ski and I've fucked on the jet ski. Rather than fucking one of the jets, you've chosen to fuck a jagged hole in fiberglass. All right. It's more intimate. He gets a kick out of it and it's hard to access the jets because they're down in the silt. Sure. I mean, it was my birthday too.

So the jet ski, the jet ski said I could try it. Yeah. Sure. She's a lot of lube. Yeah. She's a lot of lube. So you are on. So, okay.

So you gave, what would you say, what were your top criticisms of this bar? I think we were prompted going in that the bartender- We were made aware. We were made aware. That one of the problems in this bar is overpouring. Overpouring. At Meyer's Pour House. Could you imagine?

I know. Wait, overpouring is one of the problems? Well, it is a problem for a bar owner. So you were supposed to be upset that the drinks were too generous? The value was too good. The value was too good. No, it's, I mean, you know, they're giving away a lot of money over there. If you're she, Nicole, the bartender

that we had, I believe they did the partender situation, which is if you're unfamiliar with partender in the business, what that is is a essentially an inventory system for alcohol. So they'll measure the bottles at the beginning

of the night, at the end of the night, measure the bottles again, and go against what you sold on the register. And she was, they were pouring $4,000 worth and gave away $8,000 worth of booze. Like, that's how much I worked on it. And there's safety issues, too.

I mean, you know, you think you're getting one drink and you're getting two. Yeah. You want to, you're like, oh, my limit's three drinks. But guess what? You just had six.

You just had six drinks. Wow. And you got possessed by a ghost, which is even more unsafe to drive during. Yeah. I mean, it's going to be hard for you not even to drive, but just to climb up into your lifted Chevy Tahoe. Sure, yeah. You get a DWP on the way home, driving while possessed. I want to say there were three Toyota Tundras with Monster Energy stickers on the back. Yeah, I think, yeah. I definitely had one on my chest, the Monster Energy sticker.

I went home and I got in the shower. I'm like, when did this happen? That was, you know, we were sort of doing the game of predicting what the parking, what it would be like, what the clientele would be like at the bar. And we were 112% correct. So did you guys have a good time? Yes. What was the highlight of this thing? Did you get to meet your hero, the bar rescuer himself?

Yeah, yeah. Of course. And he had a new sport coat that I had never seen. It was a treat. Was it purple? It was purple. It was a treat. Was it purple? It was purple. It was a patterned purple. It was almost like a kilt.

What do you call that? Yeah. What do you call that pattern? It was definitely his family's purple. Yeah, it was his family's purple. A tartan? Yeah, it was like a tartan pattern. And he was great.

He came in and shut it down. He pointed us out as his spies. He said Jordan's name wrong. What did he call you? Jeremy. Jeremy. Yeah. And then my favorite thing, which did not end up in the episode, was him yelling down to Jordan and I, asking us.

He said, hey, did a ghost fuck up your drink or did Nicole? And the answer was, of course, Nicole. Yeah. Because, you know, don't worry about these ghosts. The episode is called John Ain't Afraid of No Ghosts. Yeah. And at no point in the episode does he even suggest that ghosts aren't real. He just goes with it.

He just fucking goes with it. There's a ghost in this bar. They believe it. Well, if that's the problem, he's going to solve it because that's what Jon Taffer does. Sure. Yeah, no, it was really great. I think it was neat to see that the show that I liked watching wasn't a patchwork fraud job. That it actually is kind of happening like that, and I think they pride themselves in that.

Yeah. That they are presenting it as it happened. It's more real than I ever imagined. Mm-hmm. And it was magical. Guys, this is a sensitive question, but you get paid for this operation? No, we did it out of the love of- We got free drinks.

They gave us $100 in cash to go into the bar with, and we kept the change. To order a kettle and crayon. Kettle and crayon. But what do you think Menounos gets? Probably upwards of $200 in cash. Yeah, she probably gets $200 cash, right? She gets $200. She's ordering top shelf. Yeah.

And she drinks a lot. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Menounos has a lot of demons. Yeah, she keeps running from that time. She slightly messed up that interview with Drake. Oh, is that a thing? I don't know. I hope so. It seems like something.

I want it to be a thing. She was haunted by something. I was hoping you were giving me a video library to go check out when I got home. Yeah. The infamous Maria Menounos-Drake interview. Menounos-Drake interview fail. You know, one time I was on Alison Rosen's show. I talked to Maria Menounos. Oh.

Maria Menounos was, like, called in. Hmm. Like, hey, Alison Rosen, how's it going? That's odd. Hey, this is my friend Jesse. Hi, Maria Menounos was, like, called in. Hmm. Like, hey, Allison Rosen, how's it going? Hey, this is my friend Jesse. Hi, Maria Menounos from E.T. Met her three times, and she does not remember me any time I meet her. Yeah, why would she?

She's meeting a lot of people. You know? Rescuing a lot of bars. Plus, like, what percentage of her mental real estate would you say is taken up by the time that she slightly fucked up that interview with Drake? Probably 40 to 50 percent. It was pretty fucked up. She said that he was on Degrassi Junior High,%. It was a, it was pretty fucked up. She said that he was

on Degrassi Junior High, but he was actually on Degrassi. Oh, so embarrassing. She implied that he had full use of his legs, but he didn't.

Is that what all his diss tracks are about? Yes. Oh, they're all about Maria Menounos. Yeah, he doesn't even write

the lyrics to his diss tracks. Maria Menounos actually does use the, when she's rapping, she uses the name Meek Mill. Oh, okay, this is making a lot more

sense now. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you something momentous happens to you, our listeners, we ask you to call us for our beloved signature segment. Momentous occasions. The number to call if something momentous happens to you is 206-984-4FUN. That's 206-984-4FFUN. That's 206-984-4-F-U-N. You're laughing like it's not beloved. I'm laughing at the suggestion that any podcast segment is beloved. It's what we're known for. These are the guys who take calls, what's a show? Remember that Danish guy? He was telling me how much he loves the Nerdist podcast,

Matt Myra, Chris Hardwick. We have no segments. Jonah Ray, and of course, Momentous Occasions on Jordan Jesse Go. Specifically. He said, did you see somebody wrote on Reddit the other day? He said, somebody asked what episodes they should catch up on on Jordan Jesse Go. And they said, no offense to Jesse, but the ones that Jesse's not on. Wait, how does that work?

Yeah. How does that work? It's not like calling safety and then you can't get tagged in a game of tag. That's not how using the phrase no offense works. Here's something offensive. No offense. Here's a direct slam no no offense to asians but i think they're worse at sex i mean maybe he just likes that they happen in an

alternate universe yeah i think i could have be the guy seemed overall in his comment he seemed to have a positive attitude he i'm not trying to pick on this guy i I'm sure it was just an eloquent... The guy can learn some manners. The guy can learn some manners. I'll teach him manners. He meets me out back behind the Safeway. Show him your Viking sword. I beat people up behind the Safeway. I used to do it

behind Vaughn's, but they ran me off. Still have that problem with Albertsons, too. What happened is, I'll you know what happened is i'll tell you what happened i used to do it at the pavilions yeah yeah but uh i kind of felt and when i was up in the bay area i did do it at andronico's but i kind of felt like i don't know like i don't want to say they never literally called me low class or classless or whatever but like they would be like,

like they would ask me if I wanted the salmon smoked or not. You know? Yeah. And I wouldn't have an answer on the tip of my tongue and then I'd feel embarrassed. So I just felt uncomfortable there. Yeah. And I went back to, you know, your Ralph's. Yeah, sure.

Piggly Wiggly's. Your John's. Your John's, yeah, yeah sure i beat people up behind the whole foods and that's just because there's fewer gmos uh you know i um i once got dropped from a radio station because uh the sound of young america and the old sound of young america days got dropped from a radio station because the sklar brothers were guests of course the greats the great sklar brothers their show of, of course, Sklar Bro Country, known for its beloved signature segment with fantasy sportsologist Jesse Thorne.

But the Sklar Brothers were interview guests on The Sound of Young America. Years ago they had an album out, and they talked a little bit about uh the difference between vaughn's and john's and john's vaughn's vaughn's being a sort of uh regular middle of the road uh uh grocery store and john's which is spelled j-o-n apostrophe s uh the same as vaughn's uh being like uh like a market in like an exotic market in Istanbul. Someone wrote in to a station that I had just been picked up on that week, said that that was racist, and I got dropped from the station after a one-week run.

Thanks a million, Sklar brothers. They're very nice. They're on their podcast. It's a funny bit. They're fun guys. Love them. Let's hear our first call. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and Gus. This's a funny bit. It's a funny bit. I love them. They're fun guys. Love them. Let's hear our first call. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and Gus.

This is Keith from Michigan. Calling a little on this occasion. Last night I was teaching my night class at a local university, and I was talking about thermodynamics or some shit. And I looked up, and in the back row, one of the guys in the class was poking another guy in the belly button. We made eye contact. I dig a little bit. I really couldn't help myself

and continued the lecture. Anyway, love the show guys. Talk to you later. This guy gets it. I like this guy. He fancies himself the cool-ass physics professor. I don't know. Thermodynamics and some shit. Whatever. To be fair, he is the cool-ass physics professor. I mean, clearly.

Like, this guy understands. Like, we've had a lot of trouble with people thinking that a momentous occasion is just some weird sex shit you participated in. And sure, that's part of what a momentous occasion is. We're not telling you if you do some weird sex shit not to call in and tell us about it so we can make fun of you. That's fantastic. That's a lot of fun. Like, we enjoy that. We celebrate it, certainly.

But I think this guy understands the spirit of the momentous occasion. He knows that if you're teaching a class and you look in the back and one guy's poking another guy in the belly button with his finger, that is what it means to be momentous if you are an occasion. I think, I mean, although, I mean, it does seem like this was just some weird foreplay. Yeah, I mean, one presumes so. Sure. It could have been post. It could have been post-coital.

It could have been. It could have been. It could have just been a nice, yeah. You're not supposed to. Like a nice cuddle. You're not supposed to fuck professors, though. Even in threesomes. Oh, sure. Oh, you think these guys

wanted him to see. Yeah. Come join us back at our dorm. Yeah. And we'll stick it wherever. I believe he said

it was night school. I'm guessing there's no dorm there. Ah, sure. So this guy was working on his night school. Yeah. Can you imagine

if you're taking thermodynamics in night school? Yeah. You're just like, ah, fuck. I failed daytime thermo. Got to go to night thermal.

But I guess that is the sexier of the schools. Yeah, that's true. So it sounds like this being an erotic invitation is more likely at night school. What would you say is the sexiest of the courts? Courts? Courts. Oh, courts. Oh, definitely night court. Oh, I was going to say Supreme Court.

Oh, yeah. You got Bader Ginsburg in there. I was going to say family court. Say bud court. Family court's got that makeup sack. I love you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I went through this.

Okay, let's hear our next call. Hey, this is Dan. I'm backstage at the Emmys right now where I won my second Emmy, my first one at the big show, and it's the first time I've, I don't know. That's all. Professional podcaster Dan McCoy from our sister show, The Flophouse. Sure. Winning an Emmy.

One of two Flophouse winners who took home Emmys last week. Congratulations. Congratulations to everyone on The Flophouse, even Stuart, who has no – I would say especially Stuart. Right? I mean, he's opening that bar, so he's got that. Pretty soon he's probably going to meet John Taffer pretty soon. No, I don't think Stuart's bar will need rescuing.

Yeah, it's probably going to need some rescuing. I think he'll hold it up as an example of a great bar. I was in a bar last night that just reeked of a John Taffer redo. Yeah, that's something when you watch the show a lot is you'll go into a bar and go, oh, is this a Taffer? You'd like this. What are the elements of a Taffer redo? Themed. Yeah.

Heavy themed. Plasma televisions. With a rotating logo of the bar. Plasma specifically. He doesn't like an LCD. You don't want an LCD. You want to trap a rare periodic table element. go of the bar. Plasma specifically, he doesn't like an LCD. Black or blacks. You want to trap a rare

periodic table element. You want to trap some plasma between two panes of glass. So is plasma, that's an element? Isn't it? Isn't plasma an element? Wait, PM? PL? Someone look it up. What is plasma? I mean, it's a gas, obviously.

Sure. Well, it's a semi-gas. It's between a gas and a liquid. The point is that it makes the blacks blacker in your TV. Does it have a symbol on the periodic table is what I'm asking. The problem is the viewing radius. You know who would know? Our first caller from a momentous occasion. He would know.

Let's get all motherfucking wormholes on the phone. Wait, is your producer not looking it up? No, he didn't even look up the other thing from before. That I specifically... It's a state of matter. Guys, hang on. Hang on. Guys. Alright, here's the deal.

Couple of physicists, okay? They live in a house. There's some sexual tension. It's a half hour single camera comedy. It's called State of Matter. Yeah. All right. You know what I say to that?

Bazinga. I say a big old bazinga to that. Can I tell you, can I say to something about, you know the show, what's that show called? Big Bang Theory? Yeah. You know that show? Yeah. So I'm flying home from Copenhagen.

And I'm not going to brag, but I was in Premium Economy. Nicely done. You've got your choice of show. I held out for business travel. I held out for Premium Economy. Beautiful. So we all had personal video screens. Hey.

Okay. Two amazing things were going on. I'm going to address Big Bang Theory first. Sure. I've never seen Big Bang Theory. Are there 27 characters on that show? never seen Big Bang Theory. Are there 27 characters on that show?

My understanding of Big Bang Theory is also not strong. Well, mine comes from a new slot machine. Did you get a Sheldon bonus? Did you pull down that hammer and you got John Ross Bowie? You get a bazinga and you get three bazingas

and that activates the bonus. And I'm not kidding, but it's a real slot machine. It's a big one. It get a bazinga when you, you know, you get three bazingas and that activates the bonus and I'm not kidding but it's a real slot machine. It's a big one. It's a two-seater. But I think there's like six or seven people on that show?

Yeah, no, I would, I also think that that's, you know, it's, you know, broadened out

from those core roommates to a cast of kooky characters. Is Brian Posehn on that show? I'm sure he would do a guest spot on it. Yeah. If Brian Posehn has not guest starred on Big Bang Theory,

I would be very surprised. So here's the other thing that I saw. So there were these two kind of L.A. bros on my flight, and they were broing out. They were across the aisle from each other, broing out completely. They made some guy move for them who was Danish and was trying to politely tell them

that he didn't want to move. They just pushed through that. Wait, so did this guy have to give up an aisle seat? Or a middle seat? Yes. Not cool. It was very not cool.

I have definitely been shamed out of aisle seats before. Wait, how? It's usually like... I've done even been, like, shamed out of aisle seats before. Wait, how? It's usually, like, I mean, I've done it for, like, moms. Like a family? Couples? No, I don't do it. Yeah. I don't do it.

Yeah, moms and couples. I plan my travel. But I do feel like a chump when it happens. I do feel like I've been... You've just got punked. Yeah, I hate it. Okay, so here's what's going on. These two guys are bro-ing out.

At one point, one of them gets up and does a stretch in the aisle and shows his hairy butt directly to my face, including his hairy butt crack. Nice. Sounds fun. But this guy who's sitting in front of me,

he's got an on-demand video system with literally dozens of films. I'll tell you guys about the two films he chose to watch. Oh, boy. Can I guess? Yeah.

Were you flying Delta? Were you flying Delta? Were you flying Delta? I was on Norwegian. I was on Norwegian Air. Furious 7. Much better than Furious 7. Watch the movie. You're not that far off,

but it's Stranger Selections. All right, great. Now tell us. So there's literally, I mean, like, dozens of choices. The postman always rings twice. I want to make this clear mean, like dozens of choices. The postman always rings twice. I want to make this clear. There's dozens of choices.

I watched the movie Pride, which I actually really loved. I really thought it was wonderful. It's about these... Lions. Yeah, it's about a group of animated lions, and it's a failed NBC sitcom. sitcom uh no it's uh it's about uh it's about a group of uh early 80s gay and lesbian activists in uh london who uh work in solidarity with striking miners that's right i remember that in wales and it is a combination of sort of british social realist filmmaking and a british quirky village who does rob Robbie Coltrane play in that movie?

I'm just assuming he's in it. And actually it is really great at both of those things like the funny it's it was really a fucking lovely film. No curveballs at all but a home run straight through. So anyway. That is like the ideal like back of

seat plane movie is like kind of award baity movie that you missed that you don't lose anything from not being able to see clearly. Yeah. Or Gulliver's Travel starring Jack Black which is the first of two films

that the guy in front of us saw. And I want to be clear this is not about Jack Black who I think is tremendous. I fucking love Jack Black. The greatest performer of his generation. There's about like six people in Gulliver's Travel starring Jack Black that I think are fucking tremendous.

I think we can all agree. Blunt's in that? I think we can all agree that now four years later is not the time to run back and check out Gulliver's Travel starring Jack Black. So that was one.

But that cannot even begin to compete with the other film that he saw. Oogie Loves. Which, as I watched it over his shoulder, I said to myself, he can't be watching that. He must be watching that ironically and then i viewed his interactions with his bro and realized he was definitely not watching it ironically and definitely he really was watching it mr magorium's all right he was watching mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium. That's funny that...

That's not even a recent release. That he went... That was like seven years ago. Dustin Hoffman does no wrong. Yeah. Good in everything. Good in everything. That's funny that he went marginal family movie.

It's like he typed into Pandora... He went to a marginal family movie. It's like he typed Hoosiers into Pandora and they didn't have the rights to Hoosiers and they just showed him Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium. Yeah, boy, that's great. Yeah, that is so funny that he went – that he's in that narrow a genre for his whole flight. And seven-year-old movies. Sure. Because normally, in that circumstance, you might watch a movie like that. Like there was a guy, his bro was watching Neighborhood Watch, which is only like three years old.

The only explanation I have for this is that they fly a fuck ton and have seen all the movies in the Norwegian Air Library. Could be. And they only fly Norwegian. I'll blow through like Delta and Virgin selections. Like, I'll fly enough that I've seen everything on there.

There's a lot of choices on the Dreamliner, my friend. Again, I'm not trying to brag, but we were on the Dreamliner. What do you got? What's the last plane movie

you watched? Tomorrowland. Okay. See, that's a perfect plane movie. Sure. Because you want to see the parts of it that worked.

Yep. Because you're really interested to see it because you respect and admire Brad Bird. That movie should have been about the, everything leading up

to that movie. That's, there's a plot. Yeah. There's a plot. This kid getting taken in there, this kid inventing this thing and then –

I do not know what Tomorrowland is about. So, so far you have said no words to me that mean anything. Well, let me tell you. If you're a listener, you'll agree. George Clooney finds a magic coin. George Clooney as a child does and then a new magic coin is given to – the movie is about nothing. Wild does. And then a new magic coin is given to – the movie is about nothing.

I do think that movie had the most like obtuse advertising of any summer blockbuster. It was so accurate. Oh, yeah? It's just an obtuse movie. Because the movie itself – I mean it's about – I mean the larger message of it is to have hope. And the future could be great. And it ends on a very positive note and it's a wonderfully – And look at how fun Star Tours is. Look at how fun Star Tours could be great, and it ends on a very positive note, and it's a wonderfully... And look at how fun Star Tours is. Look at how fun Star Tours could be.

Hey, you remember the It's a Small World? Does it have Pee Wee Herman in it? No, no Pee Wee. They realize that's the highlight of Tomorrowland, right? That Pee Wee Herman's there. You didn't expect Pee Wee Herman to be there. Well, if you're in Disney World, you're not going to see Star Tours in Tomorrowland. That's in Disney Studios.

Separate park. Separate park. Whoa. That's in Disney Studios. Separate park. Separate park. Whoa. That's pretty fucked up. Sorry. So you have to go through a whole Tomorrowland without any Pee Wee Hermit at all? You're not going to get...

Well, unless they're showing... He does another voice for another Disney ride. Paul Rubens is another voice. Really? I'm trying to remember which one it is. I think he is the genie in Aladdin. Yes, that's it. Okay.

Yeah. He is, of course, we all remember him as the genie in Aladdin. There's a gong show ride. But, yeah, Tomorrowland, guys. Watch it on a plane. Yeah, I'll watch that on a plane. 206-984-4FUN, if you want to be part of our- I like to read on planes.

Sorry. Yeah, that's good. Beloved. Our beloved signature segment, Momentous Occasions. It's a real hit. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Matt Myra, airplane video expert. Well, it's been fun to be back on Jordan, Jesse Go. I missed you, buddy. A lot of fun, Jordan Morris, boy detective. Matt Myra, airplane video expert. Well, it's been fun to be back on Jordan, Jesse. Go, I missed you, buddy. A lot of fun, right? I'm talking to Matt Myra. Oh, yeah. Thank you.

Thank you for having me. I missed him, too. We all miss him when he's not there. I, yeah, it was, I missed being on the show last week. It's always a highlight of my week. I'm happy to be back, incoherent though I may be. I think you've done a fine job. Very coherent.

For as much jet lag as you have. Sentences. Doing a great job. Thank you very much. Did I fall asleep, like almost fall asleep in the car on the way home from lunch in like a five block drive? Yes. I would ask why you were driving five blocks. Because I have a two year old and there's a big hill

and it's one of those blocks. That's why. Also, it's like the surface of the sun outside. Yes. A million degrees. Yeah, exactly. Ten million degrees. Matt Myra.

Yep. He's on Twitter. I'm on Twitter. Check me out there. If you're going to be in Tampa before Thanksgiving, head over to the Tampa Improv and see Kevin Smith and myself do a Frasier podcast. Now, when you do this Frasier podcast, do you show the episode first? While we're doing commentary, we're going to show the episode.

There's going to be no sound. Okay. We'll have closed captioning on. Nice of the Tampa Improv to license that Frasier episode. You know, I'm sure they're doing a great job of licensing that Frasier episode. Paramount's a big fan of us. CBS, they love us. Yeah.

You know, my youngest brother, who's now 21 or 2 years old, Brendan, has become a Frasier obsessive. He's probably going to start telling me that he's a big Matt Myra fan. He's right to do this. Speaking of people who should be telling me that they're a Jesse Thorne fan. So, boy, we're getting to this at the exact wrong time of the show. Sorry. But is there a quick- More B, B-minus show that is critically acclaimed more consistently than Frasier. I wanted to know

what the... Because I have noticed a lot of people digging into Frasier. I'm sure your podcast has something to do with it, but I have noticed people around me re-excavating Frasier. Discovering the greatness of Frasier? Why? The fineness

of Frasier. Can you explain... David Hyde Pierce is great on Frasier. Oh, he's amazing. And Kelsey Grammer is great on Frasier. Can you explain? David Hyde Pierce is great on Frasier. Oh, he's amazing. And Kelsey Grammer is great on Frasier and everything else about Frasier is okay. Perry Gilpin's fantastic. Jane Leaves is great. Dog's pretty cute. Eddie, played by Moose.

You know what I think it is? I think it's just the Netflix of it. I think of the fact that it is now available in front of you all 11 seasons. There's a lot of it. Yeah, there's 264 episodes of Frasier, and people are always looking for something to watch. Just watch season four of The Simpsons. You could do that, but I'd say watch season seven. You know how much Larry Sanders costs on DVD if you don't get the extra features?

Like 30 bucks. Get the whole show. Here's a Frasier joke that I want to ask you if you don't get the extra features? Like 30 bucks. Get the whole show. Here's a Frasier joke that I want to ask you if you guys have made yet. Yeah. If someone dresses up as Roz, is it called Roz play? It will be from now on. Good. Thank you.

Thank you. Good work, Jordan. Thanks, guys. That's fun. Yeah. Although, who would dress up as Roz? That's a main character on the show that's completely forgettable. I literally remember nothing about that

main character. She's a producer from a show that I watched many, many, many times. Why don't you go ahead and listen to the last episode of Talks Out

and Scrabble Degs where Perry Gilpin was on. She was lovely. I wish her the best. I wish her all the best. I thought David Hyde Pierce was really great on that show. He was.

That's a positive thing I have to say about him. The writing was fantastic. Kelsey Grammer is also, I could watch Kelsey Grammer do that character. They won 37 Emmys. I know. And think of all the Emmys that should have been won by other better shows, specifically Seinfeld.

I can't think of any. Offhand. Well, no. No? Okay. Roz plays with someone who dresses up as Roz for cosplay. That's pretty good, right? Pretty great.

Is there a Frazier slot machine? No, but someone sent me a link to a trade article online that Paramount has recently given WMS, which is a slot machine manufacturer, a bunch of licenses, and they said that Frazier

was amongst them. Oh, so are you concerned about your future? I hear the blues of Colin. Matt Myra, ladies and gentlemen. Colin Marshall on the board this week. Our producers, Sonny D, Brian Fernandez.

Go to bullsitour.com if you live in any of the following places. Los Angeles, D.C., Philly, New York, Boston. Buy some tickets to the tour. Coming up, switcheroo week. We're going to be hosting Stop Podcasting Yourself. Do you remember who's going to be hosting Jordan, Jesse, and Go? I think it's the McElroy brothers.

Yeah, I think so too. Yeah, McElroy brothers are going to be hosting this show. That's coming up in a couple of weeks. That's going to be a lot of fun. That's going to be a lot of fun. I like that we get to host a show that has almost exactly the same format as our show. Yeah, we basically don't have to do any work. Yeah, like we just have to call John Doerr or whatever.

Yeah, I guess we have to maybe find some Hulk Hogan news. Yeah. But they don't – I mean it's been like two years since they've even done Hulk Hogan nudes. We're good. Yeah, we're rock solid. We're good. I just have to find a sad story about riding the bus. I'll be Graham.

Sure. Am I Graham or Dave? I didn't know how in-depth this was. I guess you're Graham because I'm Dave because I'm going to grumble something about babies. Sure. And then you can be Graham and you just have to have a crazy time you almost got into a fight on the bus. Okay. Oh, boy.

I didn't know it was going to be this involved. Yeah. I didn't know we were going to have to inhabit other characters. Yeah, and do you got an overheard planned already? Guess I got to get one. That's their beloved signature segment. Guess I got to get one. Yeah. Yeah. I got an overheard.

I got an overheard ready. I wrote it down on my phone. Boy. Oof. Man. I am not prepared for this. It's going to be great. It's going to be a lot of fun.

Okay. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. Bye. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.