Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 397: My Brother, My Brother and Me Switcheroo with Chuck Bryant

Episode Date: October 5, 2015

Justin, Travis and Griffin McElroy from fellow MaxFun podcast My Brother, My Brother and Me take over for Jordan and Jesse this week!  They're joined by Chuck Bryant of the Stuff You Should Know podcast for a discussion of the war on cargo shorts, Justin's children's book ideas, Travis's new favorite fall TV show The Grinder.  Plus, Griffin shares a moving story about the time he learned a hard lesson about sweet cream. 

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. Welcome to Jordan Jesse Go, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I'm go, I did it, I'm free! Go, how did you get out of the closet? I'm free in my closet cage, I'm out. I'm going to see the sunlight. Going to feel the rain on my skin.

Jesse, trank him. You're Jesse. Oh, God. It's all falling apart. You probably caught up on our goof that we're not really Jordan and Jesse or Go, the child slave that they keep in the basement. That part is real. Real.

But we're not them yeah we're at justin mccarroy and that's my name i guess you guys should say your names they can get confusing but you have to say you have to say a nickname you say justin mccarroy and then oh yeah you got something in the holster what yeah oh shit you want me to do mine yeah that's good yeah you start okay i'm travis mccar. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, you start. Okay. I'm Travis McElroy, Metropolitan Cowboy. That's pretty good. I'm Justin McElroy, the kid. No, that's not very good.

Justin. You've been on the show before. What was your name the last time you were on the show? I don't know. I don't remember. I think I was Justin Hoops McElroy. Justin Hoops McElroy is pretty good. Okay.

I'm Griffin McElroy, your little sweet potato. Okay. I just pulled that one from the You're a little sweet potato. Okay. I just pulled that one from the hip. That was not pre-pro. So this is, uh, we're not the usual guys. Um, they are, I don't know, too busy, I guess, but they asked us to sit in cause it's a special max fun wide, uh, crisis on infant Murphs. Whoa.

I call it like, like that. Thanks. We're all switching shows. Somebody, I hope, is doing our show. If you tune over to My Brother, My Brother and Me right now, it might be just 60 minutes of dead air. It's actually Steve Guttenberg and two wild dogs. And it's going to be the best episode we've ever done. It's Steve Guttenberg and he's fighting two wild dogs in the street and a child

is recording it on a gopro and now they're just gonna cut the audio out of that video and release it and that's gonna be the episode my brother my brother this week i would listen to the hell out of that they're gonna talk about it on wired yeah it's gonna be super good super duper good uh so anyway we're not the usual guys we're gonna try try to do our best We enjoy the Jordan Jesse Go program It was the thing that got us started It was one of the first podcasts we listened to Jesse doesn't believe us when we tell him that But it is true

I think he doesn't want to believe it My brother and my brother use it as a spin-off of Jordan Jesse Go Yeah, basically We're the 227 of Jordan Jesse Go We're the Family Matters of Jordan Jesse Go That's a better one We're the Step-by Jordan, Jesse, go. We're the family matters of Jordan, Jesse, go. That's a better one. We're the step-by-step of their family matters. Okay.

Wait, was step-by-step a spinoff of family matters? Yeah. We're Ouroboros-ing now, I think. The snake is eating itself. Is Ouroboros like a Spanish term for not funny? No, this is different. We don't have to make jokes on Jordan, Jesse, go. We just have whimsical conversation.

A free-wheeling conversation, I believe. Guys, we got a hell of a show for you. Got some memento occasions. That's what I call them. When people watch memento and really liked it. We got some jokes, which are like jokes, but we put our own spin on them. We got a very fun,

flirty special guest. Can we walk him into the program now? It's very hot this evening Well, we're only at 4.38 You said we had to go for five minutes So can we have 20 seconds of dead air? We can have 20 seconds of me and you Explaining how Justin and I are basically

Sitting in each other's laps Sharing a pair of earbuds Recording this from the heart of our nation Washington, D.C. It was cool We kicked it with the Pope He was like, good job And we were like, hey, right back at you.

You've done some great work out there. Anyway, our guest this week. That was exactly five minutes. Congratulations. Thank you. Our guest this week is the wonderful, the talented, the brilliant. He did not pull down the MacArthur this year, but I think he was probably second runner up. It's Chuck Bryant.

Hello, fellas. Hi, Chuck. Chuck. If you don't know Chuck, you should. You're an idiot. uh it's chuck bryant hello fellas hi chuck if you don't know chuck you should you're an idiot he's he has a podcast called some you should know and he's a chuck you should know chuck he's a chuck you should know his tv show is the same name how chuck works chuck some how chuck works you don't know that how stuff chucks that's another chuck chuck chuck is another one. That one actually didn't do so great.

On the Chuckery Network. Let's just do this for an hour. Yeah, perfect. And we absolutely could, Chuck. Don't threaten us. By the way, guys, I'm doing great. You were all wrong, though, because you were the aftermash of the MaxFun Network. I'm fine with that.

As long as it's not Walter, I i'm i'm okay that was a that was just the one with radar in it and he i'm not familiar because well no i'm 20 i'm i'm like in my 20s chuck you guys find shit to say or what because we're bombing out here we got the yips are you kidding me uh how are you doing how's the weather down there in atlanta uh thanks the weather uh it's Atlanta? Thanks. The weather. It's rainy, dudes. It was getting cool, and now it's rainy. Chuck, what have you been doing today, man?

Tell me about it. Are you eating any good sandwiches? Chuck, walk me through a life in the day of a Chuck. It doesn't even have to be you. Just any Chuck. I went shopping today for clothes, which always sucks. Oh, it's the worst. What did you... Do you have like a...

I kind of have a uniform at this point. Yeah. A silly t-shirt and some big jeans. Yeah, or like a short sleeve button down. That works good too. Or shorts, depending on the time of year. Justin's actually cosplaying as Steven Universe right now, which is not a lie. That is a real thing he's doing.

I'm doing my best out here. Chuck, what do you wear? Oh, you know me. I'm old. I've given up. I'm married. I'm a cargo short boy, which I know is a faux pas. I'm way, way into cargo shorts.

Way in. They're very practical. I feel like we're in the middle of, and I'm a survivor of it, the war on cargo shorts. There have been a lot of, I would say, mean editorials. Mean think pieces. Let's call them mean pieces about cargo shorts. But let me say this,

and maybe this is out of line, but I mean this with no animosity. Are cargo shorts not the fanny packs of pants? No. It's four fanny packs arranged along some short pants you know what you people like to slag off cargo pants but when you need a pack of gum or uh a screwdriver that we have in there you're always happy that we have all those extra pockets or four beers four beers. That's about a fish show?

What did you go with, Chuck? What was your style? What's hot for the spring? It's fall, but what's hot for next spring? Pants without holes in them for guys in their mid-40s. Then where do you put your legs, Chuck? Oh, that was a good joke. Our first good joke of the show.

Can I ask what you're doing, Chuck, that's so rigorous? What's getting all these holes up in your damn pants. Not shopping for new clothes. So I wear things out in a period of like a decade. It's just a natural Chuck erosion. Yeah, basically. It's just the natural Chuck friction. Along the inseam, it's worn.

Oh, my God. No. Hey, Chuck, you like to go to malls? Or are you like a Or a big box kind of guy Are you an outlet man? I'm an outlet man I go both ways Yeah no I don't go

I'm not down with the outlets No no you like to go to a department store Or what's your jam? My jam is You know Levi's Wherever I can find them cheap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A working man's boot cut.

I was so excited because this is not a lie. Before I came here, we were on tour in the Pacific Northwest about three weeks ago, and the packing was so tight in our suitcase that I left my jeans in a hotel room in Vancouver. Like a tip. Yeah. Like here are some jeans. He left them in one of those Canadian trays. It's like,

need some pants, take some pants, have some pants, get some pants. Um, so we, so I went up before I came, there was a,

a buy one, give pair 50% off sale and Levi's at Macy's. And I, for the first time in my life, I now own two pairs of jeans. That was also the first time in my life, I now own two pairs of jeans. That was also the first time in his life that Justin has thrown away a pair of pants that he didn't ruin by accidentally pooping inside of him while in a car. God, Chuck, you're laughing, but I wish I was joking. I wish that was a joke.

Oh, no. We all have our poopy pants stories. What are yours, Chuck? Some more than others. I poop myself in a big box hardware store that you've heard of. He's legally prohibited from saying which one. Did you do it in protest of big box stores?

Yes, I did. If this were a mom and pop shop, I would not be shitting in it. Not the blue and the orange big box. Oh, I see. Now, do they sell toilets? Uh, yeah. I didn't even think about that. That's what I should have done. Can you imagine?

Yeah, you probably not. I think you have more of a situation there. That is one rare situation when a toilet was nearby and you made the right call by shitting in your pants. Not a lot of people can say that. That's a pretty rare scenario. Water, water everywhere. It was torture. They all had different flushings.

And you were like, wow. They started talking to you. Shit in me, Chuck. No, shit in me. You were walking down the plumbing aisle just like, God, if only some diligent workers had been through here and put together a whole system. Well, that's been enough poop talk for the episode, I think.

We'll be right back with Jordan Jesse Go, a show that we're ruining in real time. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la Welcome back to Jordan, Jesse. Go. I'm Justin McElroy, America's sweet potato. What was my shit? I'm Justin McElroy, the nickname. I'm Travis McElroy, elegant cowboy. You just knocked your whole beer over. Fuck me. Oh, God. This show is... We gotta wait.

Go get some paper towels. You keep going, though. Keep going. All right, we gotta wait. Justin has just spilled. Don't wait. Don't wait. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a breaking news update. This is Justin spilled an entire beer on the new floor of this office building, 2015. I'm looking at it now, and it was an entire bottle of beer. We're looking at about seven ounces of beer on the floor. We have to let Chuck say his name and a nickname. Chuck, say your name and a nickname. Oh, shoot. Have you generated one?

Oh, Chuck Bryant, meth dealer to the stars. Nice. That's pretty good. I like that a lot. a nickname chuck say your name and a nickname oh shoot have you generated one oh chuck bryant meth dealer to the stars nice that's pretty good i like that a lot thanks chuck let me ask you this while justin cleans up his beer have you ever dealt meth uh only to a-list hollywood celebrities that's my rule you know it's nice to draw the line somewhere yes are you sort of a middleman or are you a uh a creator are you a yeah i make it myself and i sell it to people like george clooney see that's what i like that enterprising sort of small business mind it's very american it's it's it's super super american just in fact it looks like he's got about seven paper towels. That's not going to be enough, Justin.

You spilled an entire beer, and it's on the floor now. They're going to replace this carpet. They are going to replace the carpet, but that's just because of what you did to it. My God, what is going on there? I'm telling you, Chuck, Justin spilled literally an entire beer. Imagine the content, the volume of a whole bottle of beer, but then imagine that in a carpet. I couldn't imagine. How many ounces could that be? About 12. You ready?

You jacking back in? It's as I was saying, Chuck. I can't believe this is... This is a show? I can't believe this is going to be released on the internet and people will think it's great. I'll edit it and it's going to sound really pro-quality. Seamless.

Good. Chuck, you were just at the LA Podfest with us. That's right. The LA Podcast Festival. Yeah. What is that? What is what do you do in a place like that? Because there's a lot of like celebs there. I get a little anxious sometimes. There's a lot of people I feel like I should be like schmoozing

or networking. You like doing festivals like that? Sure. It's fine. I actually kind of laid low for the most part. I saw you guys. We had dinner and I met your awesome dad, which was great. He is pretty good. He's pretty top notch as dads go and as people go.

On the dad spectrum, he's up there. Yeah. I wish i had a good dad you can have our dad chuck yeah bottom basement basement prices you know basement prices you know sometimes you go to a person's house they say come come to my the bottom of my house i've got a lot of really great deals come look at all these jeans in my basement oh boy uh someone tries to sell you jeans out of their basement they've probably collected those jeans from people they've killed just yeah that's just a psa from me to you don't make the same mistake i did jeans made from human skin or just like collected from the people. You know, whatever.

How was the response to your show there, Chuck? Did you meet many regular listeners there? Or did you get many like Johnny walk-ups just coming to check out your podcast? I'd like to learn something today. Yeah, I'll learn something. I think it was partially some people that came to see us a little bit and then partially Johnny Walk Ups. And I think the response was mediocre. Okay, great. That's about the best you can hope for, I guess.

When you guys are picking a topic, because you guys do a lot of live shows, do you pick different sorts of topics? Like if you haven't listened to Chuck's show that he does with his buddy Josh, they educate you in a subject. It takes about a half hour hour and then when you walk away you're smarter for it uh and it's it's always a good listen when you pick topics for like a live show do you like get nervous about letting the energy drop too low are you trying to pick something that's like gonna be gonna be high impact uh yeah i mean because we cover some pretty dark stuff sometimes so we obviously wouldn't do that live. We try to pick something that's a little more fun. We did the Rodney Dangerfield story at the PodFest, which was only – the only thing that was bad about it was my Rodney Dangerfield impression.

And, Chuck, of course, we're going to need you to hit us with that pretty much immediately. Oh, boy. It's really bad. I don't know why I'd do it again. Well, here. Will this make it easier if we do A Dangerfield off Yeah, perfect

You at least have some practice, I have literally never imitated We're gonna come at this cold Cold, rotting Dangerfields Alright, so, someone go Justin I'll start first, I'm the oldest here Give me the respect I require I have yet to get any respect Here. Give me the respect I require.

I have yet to get any respect. Hey. Okay, Travis, that doesn't count as yours. Yeah, you said the same thing. Here, I'm going to go next. Okay, let me try a different one. Let me shoot from the hip. Here we go. I got to go back to school.

Fuck, that's what I was going to say. Hold on, let me try again. Think of a third thing that he did. My ex-wife. Holy shit. Pretty good. good oh i had a stroke yeah apparently uh that's how ronnie dangerfield passed travis that's not true all right chuck we're ready uh i tell you i tell you my wife can't cook how can toast have bones oh my god that was great i like that it was uh you had 10 yogi bear in there but i think it really worked yeah exactly he did the voice of yogi bear that's the key to every impression is 10

yogi bear no matter who you're doing do you guys tend to record like a bunch of episodes knock them out all at once or do you uh shit that'd be smart yeah yeah we do we do like 18 shows in a just a marathon session and then we lay around for several weeks at a time fuck that sounds good is that real that's awesome not the 18 shows part but the other part that you said right i'm way into that now we record like two or three a week uh two to four a week and release two a week so get a little ahead of the game you know you know that now what's josh like in real life oh tell, tell me what it's Chuck. What's it like working with Josh? I've heard he's real mean. Is that true? No, Josh is great. Come on. Does he throw stuff a lot? I heard he

throws stuff. Yes, but in a loving way. Oh, okay. Like kisses. He throws candy at you. Exactly. He throws beads. You, you've been in the, you've been in the you've been in the education game i think it's safe to call educational i am educated by it for a while now are you guys like just running out of things do you think that you've created basically a compendium of all world knowledge and now you're just like well we haven't done like the most recent generation of pokemon that's like the only thing that we haven't taught people about i guess let's do that next it's getting a little bit thin actually because we've done close to 800 shows now but uh Pokemon. That's like the only thing that we haven't taught people about. I guess let's do that next. It's getting a little bit thin actually because we've done close to 800 shows now.

Dudes, there's a lot out there. I could do a show about you. Please do. If you did a stuff you should know about the Magler Brothers, that would be great. Nobody else would. No, it wouldn't be a big hit.

Would it focus on our physiology? Our typical makeup? Do you guys get people asking you, listeners asking you to do shows about yourself and your process? No, that feels a little masturbatory. I mean, I feel like that's in the background of all of our shows. But it's not the core subject. We did one episode where we didn't do any advice for a whole episode and there were riots in the streets.

Yeah, just bloviated on about ourselves. Very early on, we got a lot of questions as to how we met. Which was a very weird topic to discuss. We're like real brothers, everybody. Are you serious? People really didn't know that?

Yeah. Oh, wow. It's not a joke. They thought it was a bit. I think people thought we were like brothers in a tag team WWF sense. Yeah, or like how you call the guys on your tennis team my brothers. These are my brothers, man. You don't understand the bond we have.

How dare you, sir? These are my brothers, you impugn. You guys don't really look alike, so I could see that. That's true. If I was skinnier, though, there would be more resemblances, I think. I think I'm the broken link in that chain. The broken brother. It was cool seeing your dad and seeing you guys in him.

I enjoy meeting parents and siblings and seeing like the resemblance you're kind of a dad collector exactly gotta catch them all chuck you've done 800 episodes have you ever recorded an episode and then afterwards just felt like man i know i fucked something up on that one i know i totally that's the one in the bottom 200 episodes no it's like every episode we get stuff wrong all the time we're not perfect we don't claim to be you know that's you guys poe but he's nerfect um but how do you deal with that because like your show is like an educate like we're gonna tell you all about a talk i did a whole episode of bunker buddies where i mispronounced the deities for voodoo like every time.

It's spelled I-O-A. Sorry, it's spelled L-O-A. See, there's your problem. But I thought it was a capital I-O-A every time I looked at it, so I kept calling it Iowa. You super got it wrong. Yeah. You got it wrong about the most you could get that wrong. I did the whole episode.

Yeah, that's bad that's right we just we just own it and like uh people like writing in and saying you got stuff wrong and we'll read it on the show and it's all good you know wait you're telling me people on the internet like telling you that you did something yeah it's weird i think that's only how'd you get how'd you guys get started joe uh we were writers for the website, HowStuffWorks. And then our boss said, why don't you try this podcast thing? And we went there. Actually, it was just Josh at first with like a rotating guest host. And then I got in there and we figured out like how to make them longer than five or ten minutes.

And that's it. figured out how to make them longer than five or ten minutes, and that's it. I just picture you getting in there, and there's a manager off in the wings watching with a big cigar. I'm like, we've hit paint. These boys got magic. Look at the sparks. As you watch the audience come to life, like that scene in That Thing You Do where they start playing it a little bit faster, and they're like, oh, wait, we can dance to this. Were people able to dance to your podcast, Chuck. Right away.

Have you tried giving out information faster than maybe Josh is accustomed to? Just throwing it out there. Pick up the beat like shades. Do you guys have listeners that listen to you at one and a half speed? Oh, all of them. I imagine

all of them. It makes me honestly, Chuck, sick to my fucking stomach. Are you serious? I had to record it at one and a half speed. Okay, listen. Listen to this. Horsewalks into a bar. Bartender says, why the long face?

Did you hear the pause I did there? If you'd been listening to that at one and a half speeds, would have thought i was a real dipshit because i wouldn't have left the comedy pause you gotta talk at 0.75 speed that's a trick yeah i don't i don't understand that i i guess i would tell people to listen to fewer podcasts i don't know i when i'm listening to podcasts i like i like to make it last how jam-packed is your day with awesome stuff that you can't fully enjoy a thing at its regular speed? That's like, I gotta just eat this pizza. I can't chew it.

If you're listening to this right now at 1.5 speed, fuck you. Fuck you. I think this finalists, you should get your entertainment. Yeah, do whatever you want.

It's all free and there's zero friction. You can bounce whenever you want. I take it back. What's your favorite episode you guys have ever done? Do you have a favorite? Yeah. The Muppets. Oh, yeah.

Are you a fan, I guess? No, I hate the Muppets. And it was great to be able to expose them. You finally got it. It's great to finally take those little felt-covered bastards down a peg. Give them what for? What about you guys? What's your favorite episode?

That you've ever done or that we've ever done? No, the Jack the Ripper one. That you've ever done. I like the sounds you guys did. I like the episode we did about Jack the Ripper. That wasn't one we did um uh no i don't the best my favorite is one that a lot of people like because we called it spaghetti again and the real ass true story of that episode is that we went over to dad's house and his wife carol made a spaghetti and then we ate it and then we sat crowded around a single

mic in a room that was about 140 degrees yeah just just just let it rip nonsense on a couch side by like we weren't even like at a table we were literally holding a mic on our laps was it great it was ridiculous it was raw it was raw and it was rough and it was wet and it was wild uh when we had a good time people people, the main feedback we got was, how high were you guys on that episode? And the answer was zero, zero high. Right. First of all, we were in West Virginia where it's still a crime. Sure.

And that means something to me. I don't know if it means anything to anybody else, but that means something to me in court. But apparently it also means that if you eat enough spaghetti, it is the equivalent of taking schedule one narcotics. Oh, I thought you were going to say comedy pills. It's basically. Yeah. People have proven that those two are synonymous,

but just eat spaghetti. If you're having a hard time being, having just cranking out the goose, eat some sweet pasta. Can I, can I ask you guys about a very important topic? Sure. Yeah.

What new fall shows are you watching? Oh, no, we can't do that. What new fall TV show? You watch that Quantico. I don't watch any new TV shows. What about Blindspot? I feel like this bit doesn't have legs. Mostly I just want to get to talking about The Grinder.

Oh, okay. I don't want to talk. Are you really going to say that? Justin, you would love it. Are you going to fucking... You realize the mics are on. I talked about it on the Baby Geniuses that's also going to go on today. So you're basically seeding the field of the Maximum Fun Harvest with your grinder advertisement.

I really like the grinder Rob Lowe, Fred Savage. Charming. Charming is brothers. It's brother based. Which one's Rob Lowe, Fred Savage. Charming. Charming is brothers. It's brother based. Which one's better? Fred Savage. Really? He has a better comic delivery, but Rob Lowe is so damn charming. I'm not fucking doing this with

you, Chuck. Chuck, Rob Lowe, or Fred Savage? I'm not. I'll take my one ear, buddy. No, Chuck. I'm going with John Stamos. Mary Fuck Kill, Rob Lowe, Fred Savage, and a second Fred Savage. Mary Fuck Kill, Rob Lowe, Fred Savage, Fred Savage. Okay, I would marry Fred Savage 2.0. 2.0.

That's a good choice. He's grown up a lot. I would kill Fred Savage 1.0 for obvious reasons because you've seen the movie Multiplicity you know how complicated it gets with clones about the obvious reason is I would want to F Rob Lowe

oh okay that's a good call I see what happened it's process of elimination you're gonna fuck Rob Lowe no matter what that's happening I think we can all You're going to fuck Rob Lowe. No matter what. That's happening. I think we can all agree you're going to fuck Rob Lowe. Yeah, we all are.

One of the two Fred Savages got pretty panicky when he realized that Rob Lowe was in the coffee dish. Let me hit you with this. Cut Rob Lowe's brain in half. Shuck the brains of one of the Fred Savages and put half that brain in there. You marry one half. Artistic side or logic side? Definitely the artistic side. Okay.

Because I don't need art when I'm in the bed with half a brain Rob Lowe. I need just pure logic. I want him to know that. You want him to approach sexing you like a math problem. Exactly. Solve me like an equation, Rob Lowe. I want a beautiful half a mind from Rob Lowe.

Chuck, are there any TV shows you've watched multiple times? What if my answer was just like, I would right away bank Fred Savage. I don't care what the other things are. You pick. Now you're changing your answer. I'm a big Wonder Years guy,

so you know what I'd do. I don't get that. I think that that is not a bad choice. I think Fred Savage is probably a really giving lover. Sure. Sure. I don't understand the... Let's talk about this, because I'm always curious about what teens are into.

I don't understand the fuck, marry, kill game, because first of all, it's extremely violent. People have played that with us before, you know, Chuck? Yeah, on Tumblr, and it makes us very upset. Oh, wow. Hey, Tumblr? Hey, Tumblr, guess what? We're watching. Is there a running score?

Is there a running tally? No, that would be brutal, but yes. What I don't like about the game is it assumes that whoever you marry, that's just going to be a passionless, sexless marriage. And murderless. And you're also not going to kill them. Yeah, it also assumes marriage. And murderless. And you're also not going to kill them. Yeah.

Yeah, there's no... It also assumes that you'll murder somebody. But I just don't get it. I just don't get it. It should be like hug, kiss, and cuddle. Hug, kiss, cuddle. All right, Chuck, same question. Hug, kiss, cuddle. Hug, kiss, and talk about your day.

Same arrangement. Two savages and one low. I would do just a bed full of cuddling. No, that's not one of the- A savage sandwich with low on top. With low- Yeah, let me get a savage sandwich with low sauce. Oh, boy.

So, you like mash or West Wing? Like, what's your favorite show i feel like we're in the cabin at max fun con that's basically it we're taking people just it's just a loose hang where i'm trying to get you to tell me what your favorite television show is it's uh my favorite television show is the bad news bears oh wait that was a movie. The Bernstein Bears? Have you heard of that Bernstein confusion about how it's spelled?

I have heard about this. No, Chuck, educate me. No, no, no, no, no. Who just said the Mandela Effect? I did, but Chuck, you are the dude who teaches people things. You're literally the person who does shows that teaches people things. We've never taught a person a single thing in the past six years. Well, now I can't remember, so I was hoping someone would bail me out.

Is it Bernstein? That's stuff you should know. It's Bernstein. That's it. That's right. That's the confusion. Yeah, there you go. But that's like what the intended name is?

Bernstein? Everybody remembers it being Berenstein, but it was never spelled Berenstein. It was Berenstein. You know what it actually was? The original, and it just got lost in translation. It was Borg-9. The Ernest Borg-9 Bears. The Ernest Borg-9 Bears. And it was just some bears that did things Ernest Borg-9 did.

I don't know who Ernest Borg-9 is or anything about him. I think he was on The Single Guy. I'm pretty sure he was on The Single Guy. I think he did The Dormant on The Single Guy. And it was, what else has he been in? He's been in other stuff. Are you kidding me? He won an Academy Award.

He won an Academy Award? He won an Academy Award for The Single Guy? Uh-huh. Hope floats. That's fantastic. We're going to move on to the next segment here when we come back on jordan jesse go this is the next segment where i ask Chuck, what is fate? No, not Chuck.

You have a little one now. Is that something? Yeah. Is that anything? Can we talk about that? No, I just didn't. Some people don't like to talk about their families. You know, the podcasters, they like to keep it.

They like to keep the illusion of being just a single dude out there on the town. Like a single guy. Berenstain and Berenstain made me think of it. Have you – I know your little one's quite a bit littler than my little one is. You've gotten into some books, I'm assuming, right? You read her some books, some stories? No, not yet. Okay, so people –

A lot of TV so far. Yeah, that's a way to do it, man. Has she watched The Grinder? She loves it. She really responds to it. I get that. It's very family oriented. I've been reading a lot of baby books lately and I

keep getting caught up. Every time I read one, I keep getting caught up on this thought. This dude's probably making a mint. And I bet I could do this. How do they decide who gets to write children's books is my question. Like, it doesn't seem that hard, right? It's not. I think you just do it.

You just do it and then you hope you get lucky? Is that you're buying a lottery ticket pretty much? Well, it's like anything. You've got to, like, have connections. Oh. God, isn't that always how it works? Fucking Hollywood. And the key is illustrations.

There's so much nepotism in children's books, you know? The secret is to do your own words and pictures, and then you'll... So you like West Wing or MASH? Or like, what's your fave? Come on. Okay, moving on. Justin, let me ask you this. If you were going to write a children's book with your depth of knowledge now, what would

your children's book be about? one shit okay probably something here's the thing travis a lot of people a lot of people i would say they put the book first and then once the book takes off they get really deep into merchandise right you're thinking switch i'm thinking switch that so what i'm gonna do is i'm gonna craft um like a like a toy that kids will love and then make a book series based on that toy what are what and what kind of toy are kids into okay into. Okay. So it's squishy. Squishy. It makes music and lights. Hi kids, I'm Squishy Lightball.

Yeah, it is a formless being. Named Squishy Lightball. Named Squishy Lightball. He has giant eyes. Oh my god. And he eats money. He eats money. The only thing that makes him happy is if you mail money to a very specific PO box Where's my family?

I don't know The only way I can find them Is if you mail $50 of your dad's money to Here's my toy Okay And the thing is He's a great toy He's stackable

Oh shit But listen See stackable comes in all the. But listen, he stackably comes in all the different colors. Okay? And you get him, you can stack him into a pyramid. He's called Baby Ponzi. And you buy Ponzi, the adorable friend

for your whole family, but you gotta get like fucking 30 of them. Yeah, you gotta get 30 of them. Oh, what if we took that idea, that Pokemon collection idea, because I feel like that hasn't really broken into the toy space yet, where you have to collect them all, but the things you're collecting are parts of this wonderful toy, but they come in little mystery boxes, so you don't know which part.

Oh, I've almost got my whole doll together, but I'm missing a torso, and the torso is a very important part of the doll. Griffin, if I may interject here, also they come in four different colors, so you might end up with a whole collection. Oh, but it it looks so ugly it's a mishmash of colors well i think that a mishmash of colors can be beautiful travis because this is you know america listen don't put words in my mouth but the toy the book then would be very upsetting i feel like yeah the book about this this torso-less doll this this homunculus. It's like the missing piece, but the piece you're missing isn't a wedge of your circle. Right. It's your whole

fucking torso. Where the soul lives. Where the soul lives. Also the heart and tummy and liver and lungs. Your pancreas? And the pancreas is up in there too. That's right, Travis. In fact, I would say the torso is basically sort of your body's house. It's sort of like where you keep all your stuff.

It's the same as the attic, where your memories go. Right, exactly. Your body's sort of your body's house. It's sort of like where you keep all your stuff. It's the same as the attic, where your memories go. Right, exactly. Your body's sort of your closet, and that's where you keep your coat and also your heart. Chuck, you guys have built quite the audience in your 800 episodes of podcasting. Was it weird for you when you first realized that there were people listening, that there was a considerable number of people listening? Was that an odd adjustment for you when you first realized that like there were people listening like that there was a considerable number of people listening was that was that an odd adjustment for you oh yeah sort of i guess i mean you guys are familiar it's like uh it's kind of neat but we're just in a little studio together and you guys aren't even in the same room so it's easy to forget that you know

when how long have you guys been doing the live shows? Is that a recent thing, or have you guys been doing that for a couple years? Our first shows were about a year and a half ago, so we, yeah, and that's, you know, it's a thing now. Is that a weird transition? No, I think it's awesome. I mean, I'm sure you guys have had pretty good reception out there. It's great to get in front of the peeps, you know? It took us about a dozen. It took us about a dozen of them.

It took us about a dozen to get okay. To get okay at it. Oh, please. It took us a dozen to start resisting the urge to just take all our clothes off on stage, just grease ourselves up, and just slide through the cube in front of us.

By that, he means it took me like 20 shows before I stopped getting just on the edge of blackout drunk before every single one. Justin got brownout drunk at most of our shows up to and including our very recent Midwest tour.

It's very nerve-wracking. It's very scary. It's very scary. Because Chuck, you guys have you prepare and you're like ready and you've got like topics. We don't do any of that. Well, yeah. It would be so smart to do that.

We have the same – in fact, we've been doing the same topic for this whole tour. So there is a comfort in that for sure. But, man, you guys – y'all are so good. You need alcohol, but you don't need that much alcohol. You know what I'm saying? We psych ourselves out. We were pretty much sober during our L.A. Podfest show, and I had the yips really bad. Yeah, Justin was—I've never seen a person so convinced that the thing they were creating in real time was absolute and utter garbage.

Yeah. Justin was in the middle of that show. I could see it in his eyes. Well, we just got spoiled, right? Because we had done a bunch of shows. Traditionally, we do a show in the evening when there are a bunch of people who've had dinner and had a few drinks. It's hard doing a hungry crowd. I know.

They're all just looking around. They're just looking around for food. Yeah. And everybody starts to turn into like bacon and turkey legs in front of their eyes. Yeah. That's not accurate. Have you guys done the show,

the two shows in one night where the late crowd is like really rowdy? That was like the Austin show. Yeah, the Austin show got real. That was a Christmas time show. And you know how they do down in Austin. Yeah we did we did one day chuck we're in new york where we did three shows in one day well one of us yeah yeah i did six shows because we were opening with sawbones crazy so i did i did six podcasts in one day that was but the last one i was i was on another level

by which i mean dead i swear there was like a 15 minute period in the last show where i did not say a word i was just like looking at justin and griffin thinking yeah so these guys are real funny it'd be for a real fun show for me um that is the one thing i think it would be hard to do a two-person show because if i need to check out to just have a little time for me i feel pretty confident we've had times during our live shows where one of us has had to run off the stage to go pee. That's not like a joke. That's just like a physiological demand that is sort of built into the McElroy frame.

And if that happened to you, Chuck, then it would just be one of you up there. You just gotta pee yourself. Yeah, I think I can hold it for an hour and a half, even though I have a teeny tiny bladder. What cities have the greatest audiences in the world? Dude, San Francisco, Seattle, Portland. What do you guys think? I'll give you that. Portland was the rowdiest.

Listen, Seattle was great, too. Like, everyone we've done has been just a great audience. But Portland was out of their mind. Yeah. Have you guys done D.C. yet? Not yet.c yet not yet not done dc we're here now travis why don't you get up here and we'll just knock one out tonight look behind you holy shit it's a door it's a door i got and six thousand miles past that door is me i don't know much about it's all just one big road huh the best thing about it about like doing and i don't know if this is every medium or not like i don't know much about geography. It's all just one big road, huh? The best thing about it, about doing... And I don't know if this is every medium or not.

I don't know if this applies to everybody. But when you do a podcast, people listen so much that when they come up to you, a lot of times they're not super awkward. And it's very comforting for me because the person... You just assume that everybody else you see on the street is like, oh, God, I don't have to talk to that person. No, I don't mean that. It's just like the people who come to our shows are very rarely seem like intimidated to meet us at all, which is nice because it's just like because they've listened to us like talking to their ears for so long.

That's also probably, Justin, because the ones who are don't come up to us. Like there's no one like hurting them to us. Like you got to talk to them McElroy boys. I think I got a bad sample. We should walk around and just encounter people and be like, are you intimidated by me right now? Hey, do I scare you? It's weird though.

Do you want me to? Chuck, tell me if you've ever experienced this. It's really weird to shake a bunch of hands after a show and feel like you're King Shit of fuck mountain yeah and then like literally you cross the threshold of the theater and no one gives a fuck like you literally like cross the boundary and like that little bubble of fame that you had just like instantly dissipates like when you stop at mcdonald's on the way home right exactly yeah

the 20 piece please yeah i went to a taco bell after the show in philadelphia and it was like yeah i totally know what you mean you know there's like whatever five or six hundred people there like clamoring and yelling and screaming and then i'm i'm like ordering freaking tacos wrapped in other tacos oh chuck chuck bryant have some free cinema cinema twists tacos. Oh, Chuck. Oh, wait. Chuck Bryant? Have some free cinema twists on me. Is that you? Thanks. Hey, Chuck.

Thanks for all the good times. Here's some cinema twists. Actually, the lady who checked me out at Old Navy today was a fan, which was kind of funny. See, Chuck, you're talking a big game, but you're worldwide. Getting free jeans and free cinema twists. That was super duper true, though, at L.A. Podfest. We didn't even have the fake imaginary bubble of fame because there was people like real people there. Like Patton Oswalt was there. We didn't even have like pretend fame.

Like real folks. Yeah, like real folks. I met Marc Maron. Was he nice? I would be intimidated to talk to him. We awkwardly walked past him. I met Marc Maron. Was he nice? I would be intimidated to talk to him. We awkwardly walked past him. I smelled him. Oh.

I smelled him good. Yeah. I took some of him home with me. I took home the home version of Marc Maron in my nose. That's free, too. I'm sorry, Chuck, you were saying? Yeah, I met him. He was walking in the hotel and was walking out.

And I said, hey, man. Did you whiff? I did. And I said, hey, it's Chuck from Stuff You Should Know. Sounds like... We've talked before. And he sort of just nodded and walked by. Nice.

Nice. He said, not so fast, my man. Keep that smell in my bubble. It smells like old leather. It is very, it is very. Old weather or leather? Old leather with an L. Jack?

No, sir. Old weather would have been better. That smells good, too. Come back here. You smell like a rainstorm yesterday. Mark Maron smells like like a rainstorm yesterday. Mark Maron smells like yesterday's rainstorm. Mark Maron, he's yesterday's

rainstorm. I saw him talk about that on TMZ. It's also very hard to fight the compulsion at things like that to not identify yourself as somebody who also has a podcast, if you're us. Oh, hi, you don't know me, but I'm doing a show here too and then he smells you deep that's how us podcasters judge each other each other sniff each other chuck i

gotta tell you that's the only reason you're here right now it's because of your scent you got a good scent you got a good scent chuck you got a good head on your shoulders and you put it you put out a great product week on week out but mostly it's just that smell it's your musk not like new you smell like new bread not yesterday's rainstorm you smell like new bread and old rain they kind of go hand in hand god smell it's middle america right there the real old chuck stormy bread basket brian what did you what did you like people ask us sometimes this seems like a very weird career path to have sure uh because because it is is this something you like ever thought about what did you like plan on and sort of like uh uh i don't know what did you envision yourself doing when you were younger?

Oh boy. Well, I always wanted to be a writer, uh, like screenwriter and stuff. So I'm still trying to do that, uh, in my mid forties, which is sort of sad, but, uh, I think it's great. Chase it. Yeah. I'm still chasing that. But, uh, yeah, I mean, man, I, I count my lucky stars.

I completely fell into it ass backwards. Did you do like drama stuff? Did you ever do like acting and things like that? I can't remember. I took an acting class in college, but I was never that good at it, which is why my TV show stunk. Did you do any? Oh, come on. Come on.

I liked your show. Did you do any plays? Any community theater plays coming up? No, man. Would you be interested in doing one? Because we've been writing one. We've been looking for a man of your description. It's called Our Town 2.

Everybody's back. So this has been another segment of Jordan, Jesse Go, and then there's another segment coming up, so peace out. Stay cool. Have a good summer. TTYL. Wish we got to know each other better.

Welcome back to Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Griffin McElroy. You're a little sweet potato. I'm Justin McElroy, America's sweet potato. Well, I'm Travis McElroy, a cowboy of some sort. And I'm Chuck Bryant, meth dealer to the stars. Sometimes on this show, we like to listen to you.

And by we, I mean not us, but the other people who do this show, Jordan and Jesse. It's in the title. And we listen to you, and you tell us great things that happen to you in your life. And then we talk about it, and then that's the end of it. It's called Momentous Occasion. It's called Momentous Occasion, and we're going to kick off the first one right now.

Hit it. Charles. Charles is our producer. Thanks, Charles. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, go and get. My name is Heather. I'm from Canada. Not sure if this is a momentous occasion or one of the saddest things that's ever happened to me,

but I decided to try online dating. So I just got a message from this guy. He said, hi, how are you? I said, good. He said, are you single? I said, yes. And then he asked me if I would come pick him up at the airport. So, so far this is going really well for me.

Yay for online dating. Thanks so much, guys. That's excellent. My favorite part of the story is when the guy asked if you're single because this is why would that factor into it even a little bit well okay she's on an online dating platform that's what i'm saying like are you saying she's on an online dating platform okay i see what you're saying i thought that her being single was contingent on whether or not he would ask for a ride like oh you're married never mind i'll take a lift my favorite part was when she said that she was canadian because i know it ended with yeah sure i'll pick you up at the airport okay sure no i don't need money for gas

it's fine fine i mean maybe this was a this is a busy man let's's call him... Busy man. Busy. My name is Gregory Busyman. And I don't have a lot of time to waste. I've been burned before. This is an entirely hypothetical question that he asks everyone that he encounters on Tinder. He slides right. And he says, can you pick me up at the airport? And if they say yes, that means they've got a kind heart. And they're ready to sacrifice.

And a car. And a car. Two things that you can establish with the can you pick me up from the airport. Three things even. Kind heart, has a car, knows where the airport is. Inherences of direction or GPS? I can't tell you how many of my relationships have ended. Because it's like, hey, can you pick me up?

I'm at the airport. And they go, what is even an airport? And I say, are you kidding me? It's over, Tyranda. Tyranda, it's over. You tamanda it's over you could have been tamanda bisman tamanda bisman will never exist it won't be you you killed her you go right on 16th and you drive a mile and a half on route 71 at least she admitted it to you what i hate is when um a woman i'm i'm dating now says oh yeah i'll drive you to the airport.

And then they just drive you to an abandoned field. And when you turn around and say, hey, there's no planes here. They've already, they're gone. They might have never been there in the first place. There hasn't been a driver on this road for over 40 years. Listen, if you're on OkCupid or Tinder or Match or eHarmony or Grindr or Farmhouse Lovers. Or J-Date. You havehouse Lovers or J-Date. You have to be so careful out there.

One, for people who are pulling pranks, which is most of them, most of the people there are just trying to get their rocks off doing a joke on a good person. Or a joke on a good person. You've got to stay aware. Second thing, a lot of ghosts on those platforms. A lot of ghosts on those platforms. You've got to watch out for those internet ghosts. You also got to watch out for people who are only dating you for rides to the airport.

I would say you don't trust anybody until after 12 months of dating. Oh, my God. But no. What if the grift goes longer than that? What if you've been married for 46 years and it's like, babe, I can't drive anymore because of the eyes problem that I have. And it's like, well, shit. You know, I was only using you for your Subaru. And the way that it gets me to the airport. So now I have to learn to drive.

Now I have to learn to drive. And that's going to be embarrassing because I'm 71 years old. Let's have another momentous occasion. Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse. This is Jason in Athens, Georgia. I was just riding my bike home from work and I took a shortcut through the park and I saw a guy walking what I thought was a small dog off leash ahead of me. I got a little closer and it turns out it was a baby pig. I was just trotting along next to the guy. When I came around to pass him, the guy said,

hold up, and the pig just stopped and watched me ride by. It was great. I love that there was like six seconds of silence at the end of that momentous occasion call, just to give us time to really process what we've just heard. Is that a Georgia thing, Chuck? I went to school there. That's my college town. There are pigs everywhere.

Yeah. Just baby pigs amok. Can I say that I'm very disturbed by this because the pig was off leash? That's not safe. That pig sees a trough or some kind of wallow, but it's off. As Babe Pig in the City and Lil Wilbur that wasn't the name of the, what was it? Lil Wilbur

Lil Charlotte's Magic Pig Pigs can understand human English and so you can just command them not to walk into the streets Watch out for those cars, oh thank god didn't see that. Oh thanks, I've got little pig eyes didn't see those ones. Chuck do you got a pet pig?

No, I wish. has he seen the grinder hey chuck do you have any pets yeah man i got tons of pets i got no pigs though huh two dogs two cats uh and that's it they all get along pretty well together yeah it's great cool i had a friend who got a pet baby pig in Austin. It was short-sighted. It was short-sighted. They will be the first ones to admit it was short-sighted, and they will happily admit it because they got rid of that pig about two and a half weeks later. Because pigs are adorable.

I don't know if he knows about pigs. They're adorable. Oh, yeah. They've got little cute little hooves, and they've got a little snout. That's great. But if you pick them up it sounds like the devil is having a death it sounds like the devil is dying uh and they scream uh loud enough to make clouds explode in the sky well let's be honest griffin pigs epigenetically uh

have probably passed on the fact that pigs don't have a great history of getting picked up and what happens yeah i know what that means statistically how rarely a great history of getting picked up. And what happens after that. Statistically, how rarely does that end with, we picked him up and gave him awesome stuff. We picked him up so he could reach some garbage on a tree. So he could see the parade. Right. Never. Never happens.

Put him on my shoulders. Good on this Momentous Occasion submitter, though, for having to get a head on their shoulders. Sounds like they really hit that break in time. Because I don't think it would be a momentous occasion if you called in and was like, hey, I fucking killed a pig today. I hit a pig with my, was it a bike or a car? Either way, a pig's a gonzo. I will say what I love about this momentous occasion is the implication that you find joy in the things in life that you see because like seeing a baby pig walking down the street it's pretty great but

for you to be like you know what this is fucking momentous I like I like that joy in the simple things like a baby pig off leash how about another one here we go one more hello Jordan Jesse and nearly inevitable guest this is Dave in Sycamore, and I'm calling to report a momentous occasion. I just saw an ice cream truck drive by, and on the side of the ice cream truck, it said, play on the chime, ain't no crime. I thought you'd enjoy that.

Bye-bye. You thought right. Circle takes the square. Is that in debate? Where is this, Illinois, did he say? apparently it was in the footloose town um i can't believe the chime would be a crime i get actually you know what i'm actually on team chime crime because kids hear that sound and they can't control what happens next they're gonna get out they're gonna chase that sound as quickly and as irresponsibly as they possibly can trying to get that sweet cold cream.

The major crime is that there's an ice cream truck near my house and it doesn't go by my house. So I don't think it should legally be able to play its chimes in an earshot of me if it's not going to come to my door. I think it'd be really funny to just play that chime from a regular car. Oh, God, it'd be choice. Yeah, there's a name for people like that, Travis. Like funny people?

Pranksters. Pranksters. Prankster voice. The one that drives around my house is called Big Worm. It says that on the side. It says Big Worm. Here's a fun story about ice cream. Once me and my family were staying in Vero Beach, Florida.

I had a friend's cabin on the lake, and we were doing some fishing on the lake, and we heard that sweet chime. I said, trying to get me some of that sweet cold cream, and everybody else was like, yup. And so we all rushed out to the truck, and we got five servings of sweet cold cream. I got mine. It was in the shape of Donatello from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I took them right back to the dock of the bay.

I was sitting on there doing some fishing, trying to catch me a big catfish to feed my family that night. Dropped my damn ice cream right in the lake, didn't I? And I looked around like, older brothers, older brothers, anyone, anyone, anyone got my back? What did she want to do, jump in and get it and eat it? No, I thought they might give me a piece of their sweet cream. Chuck, Chuck, no lie, no shit.

Not a taste of cream in my mouth that night. Shut up. No sweet cream? No. But we did have that delicious catfish fry. No sharesies. Yeah, I still caught a catfish. I did my job.

I caught a catfish, fried it up right. But no cream was had by the youngest that night. Not by my brothers or my mom or dad. They're like, sorry, son. We taught you a tough lesson. We're going to harden you into the man you are today. Here's a serious question. As I watched Donatello dissolve in the catfish-infested muddy waters below,

I cried myself to sleep that night, Chuck, with an empty, creamless belly. This sounds like an episode of Naked and Afraid. That sounds like the children's book I'm going to write, which is called Sometimes Your Family Doesn't Come Through for You. Colon, no sweet cream. Griffin, serious question. Have you ever done that again? No, I've never dropped a Donatello-shaped ice cream in a lake again.

I guess you learned your lesson, huh? I did learn my lesson, I guess. Mission accomplished. We're going to jump to a break real quick and we're going to come back with the final conclusion. We're going to resolve the stuff that happened in the B block. Who gets the rose?

Who gets the rose in this episode? All secrets revealed. Thanks for listening to Jordan Jesse. I've been the Masked Magician. Jordan Jesse, Masked Magician. Go! You're listening to Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Griffin McElroy, America's sweet potato. I'm Justin McElroy.

Nickname Hit It. Nickname Hit It. I'm Travis McElroy, cowboy of the millennium. And I'm Justin McElroy. Nickname Hit It. Nickname Hit It. I'm Travis McElroy, cowboy of the millennium. And I'm Chuck Bryant, guest, person, and meth dealer to the stars. Chuck, is this what you always dreamed it would be like? You know what? I just feel really bad for the people who, like, wrote in and finally got their momentous occasion right on the air. But it was, was like they clearly addressing Jordan and Jesse, and then we

get on. I don't feel bad for them at all. This show is like a misprinted penny, right? It's not the penny that you usually get when you buy a 99. It's not the penny you deserve. It's not the penny. Well, maybe it is. What's misprinted? How does it, does it got like Huey Newton on it?

No, it's like, it's like, it says 2185. You can listen to like a bajillion shows with Jordan and Jesse, but like, we're like the rare chase episode that had a, that has none of those guys on it. We're the hologram blast toys of Jordan, Jesse go,

except it doesn't say blast toys. It says blur stories. And that, that I'm saying that that irregularity is what's going to make this episode so valuable. Save this one. Put it in your safe at home. Chuck, what do you want to promote? Well, let me ask you this.

What's your favorite TV show? And also, what do you want to promote? And also, fuck Kill Mary. Fuck Milk Harry. You have to mill one of them in your pestle. You have to milk someone. You are going to mill down Fred Savage and cook him into bread. Justin is taking his earbud out.

He's done. Wow. If you had to mill down, stop laughing. This is a serious question. You would have to literally put Fred Savage into a grinder. Literally put him into a grinder. Not the TV show grinder. Mix him with water

and a little bit of cornstarch and cook them right into bread. Loaf of Savage. Loaf of Savage and no low sauce. Good God. So, uh, you want a scrubs guy or wings? What's your jam?

I can't help it. Why do you want to plug something, Chuck? How can people find more Chuck? I have the church giggles. I'm plugging stuff you should know. That's why I'm here, guys. Just to plug stuff you should know. You guys got any shows coming up?

Yeah, we're actually hitting the road on Monday. Oh, shit. Any tickets available for that? Where are you going? Tons of tickets available. No, no, Chuck. You gotta say like a few. No, no. There's lots. Detroit, Chicago, Milwaukee,

Minneapolis, and Pittsburgh. Nice. We've done most of those. Where are you doing in Chicago? Anthenium? Nice. Yeah, that's where we did our show. That's a beautiful spot. Gorgeous. Where can people go to get tickets? SYSKlive.com. By the way, I was on One Bad Mother this week,

so I'm putting my stank all over MaxFun this week. Chuck, you should have told us that at the top. There's only one thing that's on every episode of MaxFun this week, and it's promos for the grinder. Unpaid grinder promos. Chuck, you're all used up.

For the Max Fun family. I'm sloppy seconds. You're a wrung out comedy towel. That's what I feel like. No, I'm just kidding. You've been wonderful. Yeah. Big thanks to Chuck the Husk Bryant for doing his best despite being 100% depleted. been wonderful. Yeah. Big thanks to Chuck the Husk Bryant, man.

For doing his best, despite being 100% depleted. You guys are the best. You're the best. Have we done an okay episode of Jordan, Jesse, Go? I've listened to a lot of Jordan, Jesse, Go, and it seems like maybe an unconventional installment in the franchise. We were never going to be

able to capture their spirit. I guess that's probably true. But I've tried. Oh, we tried our damnedest. No, I mean, I have a dream catcher. I'm trying to capture their spirit 24-7. Oh, I see. I would like to contain them in some kind of magical container, like a dream box or

dream catcher, dream bowl, something. If you didn't totally hate this and you made it to the end, which is a statistical improbability, we have several shows on the MaxFun Network. There's My Brother, My Brother, Me. It's an advice show the three of us do. There's Adventure Zone that we play D&D with our dad.

I do a medical history podcast with my wife called Sawbones on the MaxFun Fun Network. And you can catch Travis with his friend Andy on the show bunker buddies where they talk about uh fun apocalypse scenarios i also produce can i pet your dog yes and baby geniuses on max fun as well i'm doing a new show on maximum fun this is this counts as the official announcement and it's called stuff you shouldn't know and what it is is eldritch secrets of the dark down below gods the one that are below our feet and they secretly control the government and the media and the economy.

And if you listen to this and you're like, oh, God, I miss Jordan and Jesse. Jesse, you can tune in over at My Brother, My Brother and Me and hear Jesse and Rhea Butcher and Dave Holmes over there. That sucks. Where did Jordan end up? No one's ever going to want to listen to our show again. I know. It's bad. Not because they did such a good job.

Not because they heard it. No, yeah. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, because you did this. Jordan is somewhere lost. I think he's just spiraling through the Max Funiverse. If you actually listen to all of the shows at the same time, you can hear Jordan's performance. He's a ghost. He's a ghost in the machine. He's become unstuck

in time. But that's going to do it for us. Chuck, thank you for joining us. It was a treat. I love you guys. I love you too, Chuck. Very much so. That's nice.

And that's going to do it. Thank you all for listening to Jordan, Jesse Go. Take a little time for the kids within you. Come on, fat child. Let the child play. I am a kid and these are the kids and all of us are kids and young give a little child for the

child and child and give it a little child and the child don't fit don't be afraid of the kids they're coming here come the kids and they're fighting tell me you recorded that tell me you recorded that maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported