Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 400: Dark Millionaire with Dan Deacon

Episode Date: October 26, 2015

Musician Dan Deacon joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of specialty sensory deprivation tanks, Dan's upcoming tour with Miley Cyrus, and Cecil Fielder's crippling pog addiction.

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, the taco failure. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, you have no idea what I went through to try and get some tacos right before we started this show. Sounds like it was a real ordeal. I was out there a pound in the pavement going from taco truck location to taco truck location. So you have, there are usual taco truck locations, places you

will, you know there to be a taco truck regularly. There are, I would say, innumerable usual taco truck locations. This is a neighborhood that is, in a typical situation, lousy with taco trucks. It is like there are as many taco trucks. Sure. It is like there are as many taco trucks in this neighborhood under ordinary circumstances as there are. I had a nice experience

at that pink one a couple weeks ago. Yeah. As there are fleas on a wayward dog. Sure. That's the normal taco truck situation

here in this neighborhood. And there wasn't even, not even the shitty taco trucks were there because the lunch taco trucks have packed up and the dinner taco trucks have not started out. It was like 5.35 when I was doing this, and it was my worst nightmare.

All I wanted was some tacos. Sounds like hell on earth. I was prepared, Jordan. I was prepared to eat tacos from the worst taco truck in the neighborhood. Now, I know you don't want to, and I know we don't usually like trash talk on this show, but... I was prepared to eat tacos from the worst taco truck in the neighborhood. Now, I know you don't want to, and I know we don't usually like trash talk on this show, but do you want to? That's the one on Parkview, Jordan.

Oh, boy. Yeah, I was going to eat tacos at the taco truck on Parkview. I didn't care. I was that hungry. Shoot. I was ready to eat their C-minus carne asada tacos. Oh, boy. I abandoned even the prospect of eating the good al pastor tacos from up the street. I was ready to eat anything.

Now, something I learned recently about taco trucks, I think I was listening to the Doughboys podcast, is that taco trucks usually have a specialty. Yeah. And then everything else they do, they kind of half-assed. Yeah. And then everything else they do, they kind of half-assed. Yeah. And if you are a white, you might not necessarily know what that specialty is. So is it just that you think you have been getting the wrong thing at the C-minus taco truck? No, I've tried several things. Okay. Yeah, no, this is a real shitball taco truck.

Gotcha. I mean, that's a possibility, too. But the point is that it wasn't even there. And so I'm running on fumes here. All I had to eat, Jordan. Yeah. And this is a serious issue for me, Jordan. No, I can tell.

I can see it in your eyes. All I had to eat was half a bag of something called Boy Buwang Cornic, which is like a Filipino corn nut. Yeah, I guess because of our – I guess there's two things kind of working toward that. Right. I guess our occasional segment where we eat something, someone mails us. Yeah. Or I guess something that Emmy Blotnick will buy

from the Korean grocer and bring in. Sure, sure. Corn brights, I think, was the last thing. Yeah. And I guess you've got the web show where Brian and Lindsay totally eat stuff. And this was left over from Brian and Lindsay will totally eat that, which let's be clear, we shot four months ago. Sure.

So I guess it leads to probably the predominant thing in the cupboards around here being something weird people want to have eaten as a challenge. Yeah. Or an experiment. I thought back to Brian and Lindsay will totally eat that, which is online at toteseat.com and tried to remember which one of the things they thought was the least gross. Yeah. I settled on boy boang cornic, adobo flavor. Sure. And what's this again? It's like a Filipino corn nut.

Okay. That's adobo flavored. Yeah. And it doesn't sound too bad. It was pretty good. Yeah. I'm not... It doesn't have like a hint of seafood, which is what I worry about when I'm considering a foreign snack.

Will this have some sort of artificial seafood powder on it? I definitely declined eating the clam flavored Pringles. Sure. That's probably a good call. Which we did have on hand as well. Probably a good call. Yeah, those,

those just have a vague, like a, they honestly, you know what they taste like? Hmm. Cannibalism. Oh, sure.

Like how I imagine cannibalism would taste. Yeah, like a human spleen would taste. Yeah, like, like a,

just wrong. They just taste a little bit wrong. Like a, like they're against God. Exactly. Sure. In defiance of his wishes, capital H. Yeah. Uh, like a just wrong they just taste a little bit like a get like they're against god exactly sure in defiance of his wishes capital h yeah uh so anyway i can't be held responsible for anything that happens on this program because i could not obtain tacos i couldn't even i couldn't even i

couldn't even get a quesadilla oh boy i was ready to eat one of those bacon wrapped hot dogs i couldn't find one of those that was in action. Hmm. Have you thought about having more typical snacks around the office for such an occasion? What even is a typical snack anymore, Jordan? It's a great point. Millennials. Yeah, I know. You know what I mean?

What are those guys snacking on? And potatoes. Probably dick pics that they're getting over Snapchat and they're trading them for Bitcoin to buy Minecraft. Yeah. Anyway. Edible heroin. Yeah, they are probably eating edible heroin.

My best guess. Yeah. I'm not an expert. Yeah. Well, I think you can shave it over the top of something like Parmesan. Oh, or like a truffle. Mm-hmm. The question is, you have to decide, is if you're going to cheap out and just get heroin oil.

Yeah. Which there's barely any heroin even in that. Yeah. Or you're going to get the real heroin nugs shaved. Sure. If you really want to go into that cave. To your fries. Yeah.

Well, speaking of heroin fries, let's introduce our guest on the program. You know him, of course, as a celebrity entertainer, Baltimore, Maryland. Famous heroin advocate. A popular musician in the world of indie pop, electronica, contemporary classical music. Doyenne of the world party scene. The great Dan Deacon. Hi, Dan. Hi, how are you?

What a pleasure to have you on the show, Dan. It's a real honor that you're visiting us here in Los Angeles. I have to say, I listen to the show, and I've always figured that you do the segment just you two in the beginning and then splice in when the third person... I'm happy to know that like – Oh, no. The third person has to sit uncomfortably there.

I can't wait to go back and listen to just the beginning segments imagining the guests sitting there silently. Just think about all the different scratching, phone checking you could have been doing. Sure. Sure. I mean, I honestly, I had an experience not that long ago. We just reran this on Bullseye where, you know, mostly I know about the uncomfortable, distracted things that people do from the introduction of Jordan Jesse Go. While Jordan and I are talking, somebody just sits there at the microphone quietly and checks their phone or whatever. We just reran this interview I did with Russell Simmons, hip hop entrepreneur Russell Simmons. He did that throughout the interview while he was talking, while I was talking to him, there was no time when he wasn't doing something that was completely different from talking to me. Probably get some

pretty, uh, big text messages. I know all that I'm going to get is like, did you, uh, dude, are you home? And I'll be like, no. And that'll be it. Who's this dude who wants you to come home? Dude, come home, dude. Dude. Hey. Dude, this is E.T. When you tour constantly, your friends just assume you're not home.

Right. I never get asked, what are you doing? Or like, do you want to do this? It's just like, are you home? Are you in the United States? Do you want to play a game? Whereas also, maybe it's just the voice you're doing. These sound like the beginnings of a serial killer's cat and mouse thing.

It's a dead version of me from the future that texts me. Or like propositions from a dark millionaire. Sure, yeah. I'll take any of these. I'd love to get these texts. Are you home? Would you like to play a game? What's to get these texts. Dude, are you home? Would you like to play a game? What's your guys' –

Summer, dude, are you home? Whereas I feel like – The sinister sequel to Dude, Where's My Car. I feel like Russell Simmons, like the text message he was getting as I was talking to him was just from like Naomi Campbell saying, do you want to see my boobs? Dude, are you home? That's the lifestyle that Russell Simmons has. It'll be better than watching me on house of style in 1994 uh uh what's your guys's ideal proposition from a dark

millionaire let's go around the room i'll start yeah my ideal proposition from a dark millionaire i'll say dead. Okay. I have to. Before you go. Sure. What do you, what's, what's,

what do you mean by ideal? This is like, you know, so you get that text from a dark millionaire and it'll be something leading like, you know, are you home? Do you want to play a game? Are you feeling adventurous?

And you, when you get, do you like your life? It's just something kind of open ended. It sets off your custom sound that just is associated with dark millionaires, which is instead of going do-do-loop or whatever your phone does for ordinary text messages, it goes bum-bum-bum. All right. So you know it's a dark millionaire. You reach into your pocket. You pull it out.

Something where I get a blowjob in his boathouse and I have to guess if it's his wife or not. That's mine. And then if I guess right, I don't know, I get his boat or something. So here's my initial feeling. Yeah. I have to travel to a sort of Central European country I haven't ever been to. And I have to fight my way through that country. It's something they do once a year.

It's a sort of a most dangerous game situation. Oh, wow. Okay. And all I have to protect me is a martial art that I've created. Okay. I think I know what this is. Finish up. Based on my gymnastic ability. And I have to fight my way through the village of the crazies. And eventually, if I win, then I get diplomatic immunity.

I can prevent a nuclear war. And while I have never meddled in the Olympics, I am a world champion in gymnastics. And I combine gymnastic skills. With the karate kills. Sure. Because this is the plot of Gymkata. Yeah. I mean, my ideal is to be in the movie Gymkata.

Seems like that reboot's ready, right? Oh, yeah. They're doing a roadhouse. Yeah. Gymkata's next. reboots ready right oh yeah they're doing a roadhouse yeah i mean jim kott is next you know who i would have starring it uh uh that uh uh that girl that won all those medals four or eight years ago uh yeah i guess we're light on gymnastics celebrities these days yeah i mean maybe uh maybe jim kott is not what's her name dominique something i don't know dominique dawes is that a is that her sounds like it'd be a good star of this film even if they're not a gymnast.

I say we just have Nadia Komaneci. It's a nice alliterative name, I think. I'm getting a nod from outside the booth that Dominique Dawes is something. Okay. But I think I'm going with Nadia Komaneci. I've changed my mind. That's who you want to star in the – Yeah, from the 70s.

Okay. Yeah. Well, I mean, I think she's due for a comeback. Yeah. And I think like the Roadhouse reboot, gender swapping it could be a lot of fun. Yeah. I think so. I think it gives it a little soupçon of zing.

Sure. You know what? What? Now that you mentioned the extra zing we get from gender swapping it, why don't we just go with Kristen Wiig? Oh, she's good in everything. She is. She's good in everything. She's good in everything.

Who's to say that she wouldn't be good at gymnastics skills and karate kills? Yeah. with Kristen Wiig? Oh, she's good in everything. She is. She's good in everything. Who's to say that she wouldn't be good at gymnastics skills and karate kills? Yeah. I mean, I think she would like, she would really commit to it, the character. She would. Would you rather her just play you

in the, make the film about your dark millionaire proposition? Here's my preference, Dan, and I'm glad you asked that. I would like her to play me in my day-to-day life because I think she would make better decisions than I do. She wouldn't do things just for the money. She'd do it for the passion. She's very talented, much more talented than I am.

She's very good-looking. I don't think my wife would be disappointed. And she would probably slip in some tasteful improv. And she would probably slip in some tasteful improv. Personally, I, while this was going on, I'd probably go in one of those sensory deprivation tanks. Have you done one of those before? No, but I mean I feel like the millionaire would probably pay for that. Have you sensory deprived yourself?

I have. A friend of mine. Deprived yourself of your senses? I've deprived myself of my senses. I guess I – They're really amazing. What did you – it's a tank of water. Did you go to a center or somebody's house? I guess it's both.

Okay. Yeah. This is getting good. Sure. So this guy's first name was Swami. What was his second name? It's Twig Harper. Okay.

And him and his partner run a place called Tarantula Hill. This sounds dangerous. This sounds like a really difficult Mario Kart course. You definitely don't want to be on Tarantula Hill. I don't think they call the float part of the house Tarantula Hill. But that was the name of when it was a noise house. So far, this sounds like something that's happening in Detroit that Vice TV would do a segment on. Yeah, I could see it.

Okay. So you go up to Tarantula Hill. You go to Tarantula Hill. There's an old man at the base of Tarantula Hill warning you not to go up there because you'll be doomed. Doomed. He's warning you to get there. He's like, you were already supposed to be here. Didn't you get the text from the doctor?

I was asking you if you were home. Yesterday I was 22 years old. Okay, so you get there and then what? You go in like a little small room. It's kind of like a hippie doctor's office kind of vibe. And then you take a shower, and then you get inside this tank that's body temperature, like water, and you can't tell the difference between the water and your skin,

and it's so salty that you can't sink in any capacity. And then once you start to figure out how to let your head rest, think in any capacity. And then once you start to figure out how to like let your head rest, that's when you begin to really just start to, your mind starts taking over itself and it's trippy. You start to float on wings of dreams. The craziest part when I was first doing it is when I- Or anything else that happens in a theme song to Perfect Strangers.

Sad fact about Perfect Strangers is that when you reference it on stage when you're playing a show at a college no one has any idea what you're talking about fucking millennials

fucking millennials they don't know about drifted into the ether they don't know about Cousin Larry that's the kind of important thing that

they need to learn about yeah let's reboot that yeah let's make that a priority yeah hey millennials you're going crazy for Rugrats you're going crazy for Rugrats.

You're going crazy for Rocco's Modern Life out there. Why don't you do yourself a favor? Stop illegally downloading Animaniacs and watch a little Perfect Strangers. Learn about Balki Bartokomos. Life is an only hey dude. Yeah.

There's life outside of Nickelodeon or Snick. Do you think we'll get to the point... Which was Saturday Night Nick. Yeah. There's life outside of Nickelodeon or Snick. Do you think we'll get to the point? Which was Saturday night, Nick. Sorry. Sorry. Do you want to talk about something other than Snick? I'd really like the clarification.

Yeah. Can I make a recommendation to you, Dan? Sure. Anytime you're tempted to say perfect strangers, just say Good Burger. Okay. I think pretty, like, remember that show about the European cousin who comes to live with his New York friend? Good Burger? I think it will work.

I think all you really have to do is just say Good Burger. I would love if the Perfect Strangers Wikipedia got vandalized on a regular basis to just pretend it's Good Burger. Make it about Good Burger. So when you tripped, when you tripped in the tank do you feel like you got anything as a creative person out of it

like did you bring anything to your music or what have you it was very anxiety relieving oh huh I it was during

a period of my life when I was realizing that I had anxiety constantly and it was just like my only go to state like I'd wake up and I'd be like my only go-to state. Like I'd wake up and I'd be like, oh, emails.

Everything I like I now hate. Focusing on email. Sure. You used to like email. I used to love email. I have that same problem but I'm a millennial so it's like, oh, Snapchat. Everything I like I now hate. Everything I like I now hate.

And then I just was floating in the tank and I don't – I can't remember any specifics about it other than I had no idea how long I was in there. I mean I know I was in there like 45 minutes. But time stopped being a thing. It was very much like a regular psychedelic experience. But I just knew that like when I was done, I could like talk to another another human being without being afraid that they're going to call the cops. Did you have any visions for yourself, literal or otherwise, for yourself in your life? I honestly can't remember. I've done it a couple of times. I'm trying to remember the first float.

Is it called a float? It's called a float, yeah. Have you ever gotten a flight of floats? I did buy the group package. I think I got a flight of floats? I did buy the group package. Yeah. I think I got the flight of floats. Yeah. You know, if you go to TGI Fridays and you order a margarita, for a couple bucks more, they'll throw in a float of Grand Marnier.

And that's quite an experience, too. It would be awesome if you paid a couple of more dollars and they put you in, like, a salty tank of water. Until the apps come out. Or a margarita tank. I would like to see like a business that maybe a Busta Rhymes would start where you float in a tank of Grand Marnier. I think that would be, I mean, I don't know what Busta Rhymes is up to these days. That's what I was wondering.

It's like, well, how diverse is Busta Rhymes' portfolio? Do you think he owns like a majority share in any companies? Yeah, I think Busta Rhymes has a very diverse portfolio. He must, right? So he probably owns a nice chunk of Grand Marnier, and he also has a tank company. Yeah. So he's like, this could...

The synergy here. Busta, call us. Call us. We can help you out, dude. Mr. Rhymes. Yes. Please, Mr. Rhymes is my dad. Call me Bmes. Yes. Please, Mr. Rhymes is my dad. Call me Busta.

Yeah, so did you accidentally drink any water or pee? Nope. Didn't pee, didn't drink any. Did you have to pee at all? I feel like if I got in one of those tanks, 10 minutes tops before I had to pee. I did make sure to get all the pee out before I got in the tank. I would find new pee. You got to get the pee out.

It's very dehydrating as well, so maybe you wouldn't. Oh, really? Well, you're in a big salty pool of water. Right. But isn't it, it's not like when you brine a turkey that it makes the flesh moister? Oh, I don't know. Yeah, I think the salt helps the water penetrate. How delicious were you when you got out?

I tasted great. The Dark Millionaire ate me and it was a wonderful time. Can I suggest an alternative to this? Again, the Grand Marnier might be a good one, but what if it's salt water? Like rosemary and a little lemon. That sounds nice. That does sound nice. Yeah, just a nice light flavor.

I mean, you want to get good poultry and taste that. But if you add a little bit of an herb, it gives it a nice kind of almost – you almost smell it. It's an effervescent. Effervescent. Speaking of effervescent. Please. What if we just – what if we put some Alka-Seltzer in there? Oh, that's nice.

I've always wanted to go in a big tank of Alka-Seltzer. I'm dead serious. I think about it all the time. That would be pretty dope. Oh, my God. Just sticking your hand in it, I feel so good. That would be fun. Now, have you – it seems like you've already kind of lived a dark millionaire fantasy by going up to Tarantula Hill and tripping in a tank.

But do you have an alternate one? I know we both said ours. The dark millionaire would text me and be like, do you want to blow some guy in my boathouse? And he's going to guess if it's – He's going to guess if it's my wife or not. It will not be my wife. I'll be home next week. I can't wait to do it again.

Man, that's going to be great. That's synergy. A dark millionaire fantasy. I'd love a – I guess I'd rather be – it'd be kind of the situation where I show up and we're eating dinner and he's like, I'm sorry. I have to do this. And I get like blindfolded and I wake up and I'm like flying a helicopter and I have to figure out how to land it. That's cool. Yeah.

That's dope as fuck. Because I don't even have a driver's license. So that would be like – it would be very difficult for me to do this. Huge curve. By the way, can I interject something just to re-millennials, et cetera, et cetera? Sure. I've given myself full permission. I just want to put this out there just so listeners know to say things are dope as fuck.

Yeah. Because it feels really good. I said it a couple weeks ago. It felt really good when I said it. And I feel like I've earned it. I deserve it. Sure. I'm 34 years old.

I'm a businessman. I'm a father. I'm a homeowner. It's a good list. And if I think something is – That just says Twitter bio. If I think something – And then social media ninja.

Love crosswords. Yeah. I think if I think that something is dope as fuck, I deserve to say it. Of course. I like dope a lot. I have been using dope for a couple of years now and it maybe started out as a little bit of a showy thing i would say is kind of a joke yeah but i think it's useful it feels really good it does feel really good and i think that like some things

like some things are just dope you know like it's i don't know it's it's a heartier cool to me i started i'm sorry i keep interrupting i started saying cool beans the same way as a joke. And then it was just like cool beans. And then I started saying true beans when somebody dropped some like real intense information. Like, oh, true beans. True beans. Yeah. Yeah, that feels good.

Back to the Future did predict 9-11. True beans. Not that long ago, we gave ourselves permission to enjoy the phrase D's nuts. Sure. I think this can really fit right in that rubric. I think this is an earned privilege. I wouldn't expect the generation that comes after millennials to have earned this privilege yet, Generation Next. That's not what they're really called.

Generation Snick. Generation Snick. They're called the Doug Generation. There is an Are You Afraid of the Dark movie, right? I think there's a Goosebumps movie coming out this month. For whom? Hard to say. I think this is-

Just Obama. It's a one nightnight-only film. One night only at the White House. I love the one where they go to the carnival and it turns out the carnival is in space. Wish you could have seen it. Shame they destroyed the film the moment it was done. I've got two daughters myself. I think the Goosebumps movie is one of those things where it's like, well, I think it's for kids.

And I think it's like, well, kids will see any shit. But if we can also get a handful of grown-up nerds in here, then we're doubling down. Yeah, if we can just get something we can throw up on the big screen at Comic-Con. Yeah, sure, exactly. Standing O and Hall H. Yeah. The Goosebumps trailer. Yeah. Booster Gold the movie. Finally.

Finally. The list of rejected movie developments of like the Perfect Strangers movie. Stuff like that. Like the spinoff of like, well, where's Carl Winslow been since Family Mass? Oh, yeah. And maybe just kind of like a dark procedural because he was a cop. Maybe you put him into kind of like a seven type world. You know what I think?

That's the darkest it could possibly get. I found out who killed Urkel. That's actually season two of Serial. I don't know if you knew that. Oh, wow. I didn't know. It's about who killed Urkel. Who killed Urkel.

It turns out to be Mr. Winslow. Oh, wow. I think that might actually be a Key and Peele sketch now that I think about it. Oh. I think I just ripped off it. I'm sorry. Who killed Urkel? I got to go.

No, I think Urkel. Anyway, let's just say some funny football player names. I bet you would be so hard pressed to find a thing from that millennial, hey, remember this pocket, that doesn't have at least a movie treatment written about it. I bet there is nothing. I've got some buddies who are screenwriters who are writing the Sonic the Hedgehog movie. And they said that they got just after the Lego movie became a big deal like the weekend the Monday after the Lego movie opened every person who was kind of a

screenwriter got called and said what can you do with blank and that's that just got tons of people working so anyway anyway I'm actually I have no insider info about the Sonic the Hedgehog movie by the way do not tweet me I don't know if Amy Rose is going to be in it.

I don't know how big a role Tails will play. I'm working on a treatment for boy-boying cornic. The beloved corn nut? Well, it's a corn nut-like Filipino snack food. Yeah. It's mostly for the Pinoy market. I think if we can incorporate a little bit of, I don't know, Mr. T cereal. Sure.

Something like that. Are you trying to create a shared snack universe? Yeah, exactly. Holy shit, the cereal movies. Like Tony the Tiger. Like where the fuck is this? A Boo-Berry for Halloween? What is Toucan?

You're being Boo-Berry for Halloween? Oh, no, I'm saying for Halloween. I was really excited for you. That's great. You know what? I don't know what I'm goingBerry for Halloween? Oh, no, I'm saying for Halloween. I was really excited for you. That's great. You know what? I don't know what I'm going to be for Halloween, but maybe I do now. Maybe I'll be Boo-Berry. Are you worried that people are going to think you're Veruca Salt? It's a concern.

Or the band Veruca Salt? I think I'll just – so if anybody's out there in the L.A. area and they're going out for Halloween, call me because I think what will clear that up is if I have a Count Chocula with me and a Fruit Brute. Because if I'm walking around by myself, yeah, they could probably just think I'm Veruca Salt. But if I'm with the other monster cereals, they'll go, oh, this is a group costume. I better not go out with you, Jordan, because I'm going to be Mike TV. Oh, sure. And that is definitely going to get people thinking that you're Veruca Salt. Yeah, that will be a concern. We'll see how it all plays out, sure. And that is definitely going to get people thinking that you're Veruca Salt. Yeah, that will be a concern.

We'll see how it all plays out, Jordan. Probably bad. When we come back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Hi, I'm Mark. And I'm Hal. And we're the hosts of We Got This. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la on a hot dog. What's the best Star Wars movie? Whether it's better to be too hot or too cold. Coke or Pepsi? Best Marvel movie. Which is the best religion? I told you we're not doing that one. So join us every week

on MaximumFun.org and don't worry everyone, we got this. We got this! Love you, love you, love you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I'm Dan Deacon, the last guy to say this.

Yeah, it's factually correct. This is the last episode of the show. I mean, I know there's a long list of guests to get for the last guy to say this. Yeah. It's factually correct. This is the last episode of the show. So yeah, this is... I mean, I know there's a long list of guests to get for the last episode. So thanks for letting me come in. Yeah, no problem.

We just wanted it to be... We thought about making it a cavalcade of stars. Right. But then we're like, Dan Deacon shines so bright that he'll eclipse Hugh Jackman. He'll eclipse Claire Danes.

Yeah. He'll eclipse... I love that Hugh Jackman was the first, your go-to number one celebrity star. Claire Danes was number two. I got involved. People I have two interests. Van Helsing. People who have been in X-Men.

Yes, Van Helsing and Homeland. I got involved in, at some point, trying to explain to Danes in Copenhagen who Mandy Patinkin was. I'm not clear on who Mandy Patinkin is. Mandy Patinkin! I was a post-PA on the show that became Criminal Minds that he is the star of. Yeah. Still not clear on who he is. He's a Broadway legend.

Yeah. Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride. I know all this, and I still not clear on who he is. He's a Broadway legend. Yeah. He's Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride. I know all this, and I still don't know who it is. The star of Chicago Hope. I know all this. The star of Homeland. Unclear. I thought I knew who Mandy Patinkin was, and now you're showing me there's so many signs.

Yeah, that's what I'm wondering. It is like the funniest name. Oh, God, it is. Yeah. And he's one of the funniest guys because he sings like an angel. Mm-hmm. Beautiful voice. He really does sing like a beautiful – I mean, not quite as gorgeous as my voice just now.

I can't wait to sample it as soon as this is over. Close. Anyway, Dan, Barion X is just queuing up the instrumental for Wind Beneath Our Wings. So whenever you want to sing that to us, just let us know. Just without hearing, just blind, right? Yeah. Well, he's going to run that straight into the recording. Oh, you know what?

I think to follow up our Perfect Strangers segment, we're probably going to then also talk about the show Wings. Right. So I think at the end of that would be a nice segue into Wind Beneath My Wings. I think people would. The reboot of the action movie version of wings with nick cage is going to be amazing yeah it'll be con air ask it'll focus as both a reboot of wings an action movie reboot of wings and con air i i would like to take this opportunity by the the way, to mention this to our audience. If you haven't heard, I am about to go on tour with Bullseye. Let's just say we haven't revealed our guests, but someone here may be appearing on that tour in a place near his hometown.

Can you hear the winking he's actually doing? I've never tried to injure my eye as much as I just did. Dan's going to be on the Washington, D.C. show. That is the first guest we have announced. This will probably come out in two weeks. So we may have announced the guests, all of the guests. But Dan Deacon, one of the many amazing guests. We're doing Boston, D.C., Manhattan, Brooklyn, L.A., and Philadelphia.

And all the info is at bullsietour.com. So, like, run, don't walk. Get your tickets because it's about to be a real explosion when we announce the guests. Very excited. It's super exciting to have you on the show, Dan. But that is by no means the only tour date that you have in your future. No, it's actually going to be the last night of the first leg of a tour that I'm opening up for Miley Cyrus. So it's going to be real similar energy.

Was this something that a dark millionaire— Yeah, geez. Funny you should ask. Yes, it was. I got a text. I was at the airport. It was a small airport. I can't remember.

I don't know. The airport for wings. Lowell was there. I was talking to this guy, Steven Weber. I just want to say, obviously, it's not Dauber, but I was like, what was the Dauber character? Yeah. Lowell was there, and he was like, you got a text. So I took out my phone because I don't get notifications.

I have vibrate off and Lowell has to tell me when I get a text. Right. Sure. Anyway, back to reality. Back to the non-wings reality. Look, guys, back to life, back to reality. Every nine days or so, I get a weird text message from Wayne from the Flaming Lips. Well, I think to life, back to reality. Every nine days or so I get a weird text message from Wayne from the Flaming Lips.

Well, I think that's all of our experience. It's a really, it's like my favorite social media. Dude, are you home? Some of us eight days, some of us ten days. And it's normally like an animated gif of like an eyeball turning into like another eyeball or something. I only get texts from Ariel Pink.

Oh. I'm such texts from Ariel Pink. I'm such a loser. And this one had actual information. I just get dick pics from Chuck Berry. Never mind. He's like 90 years old. It's got to be impressive. It's got to be going down. And he knows how to use Snapchat.

Wait, is this a real thing? That I get dick pics from Chuck Berry? Or that this isn't referencing a real... I can't... No, no, no, no. God, I this a real thing that I get to pick from Chuck Berry? This isn't referencing a real – I can't – No, no, no, no. God, I hope not. Yeah. Who has the sex tape where they fart on everyone? Is that Chuck Berry?

Is that Chuck Berry? I think – isn't this like a – I think it is. Here's what I think. He had cameras in his restaurant, right? Here's what I think. I think you're just thinking of the show The Grinder. I could be.

Yeah, I could be. Yes. Show the grinder. I could be. Yeah, I could be. I think Chuck Berry had a proto internet like sex tape where he farted on everyone. This is the kind of thing that I would ask Ibarian X who's behind the board this week to look up. Only I don't think he should have to look that up. I'm going to hear.

I'll look it up on my personal phone. Okay. So you got a text from Wayne Coyne of the Flaming Lips, Oklahoma City's famous, or Tulsa. Where does he live? Oklahoma City. Oklahoma City's legendary. Semi-recent Long John Silver's employee. Right?

Didn't he work at Long John Silver's into him being a famous guy? I don't know. I hope so. There's a lot of things here that need clarification. Fingers crossed. Yeah. I hope the site that answers your Chuck Berry farting also has, like, fun facts. Yeah.

Fun indie rock facts. So I just got this text being like, are you available in November or December? And I was like, oh, I've always wanted to play the Flaming Lips game. And I was like, I think so. What's up and he was like setting up a tour with miley hold tight or something like that something like he just and he just said miley yes wow and then or cyrus i think he just said cyrus actually um and i started immediately i i have a lot of you clarify whether it was miley or Billy Ray? I didn't. I should have right off the bat.

Okay. We have confirmation outside the studio in the form of a YouTube video called Chuck Berry Farts on Hooker. I'm glad I was right about that. I was really afraid that- That was just your imagination. Yeah. It was something I came up with while I was in my

deprivation tank. So you got a text message from, I'm trying to just recap here for folks who just turned in. Dan Deacon, you were at the airport from Perfect Strangers and you got a text message that said, do you know the

chord changes for Achy Breaky Heart? And I was like, did you know that Chuck Berry? Where is the, does anyone know the chord changes for Achy Breaky Heart? And I was like, did you know that Chuck Berry? Yeah. Where is the – does anyone know the airport in Wings? Because I just realized the airport was Newport News, Virginia. Oh, huh. I mean, I think Wings was in New England, right? It had kind of a New England vibe.

Newport News Airport, great airport. Anyway, this is all information for Ted Cruz. Yeah. Please at message Ted Cruz. Yeah. Well, I mean, for – So this has been going on for a while, but I didn't – I get a lot of – I've got a weird life. So I get a lot of things like, do you want to, like, write a piece for the Empire State Building to be dressed up as, like, you?

And then it'll obviously never happen. So I just assumed this was going to be something that was, like – No, that attitude is not – come on, man. I just figured this wasn't real. But then slowly it started turning from texts to actual emails between someone besides me and someone besides Wayne. Yeah. Wow. So how long is this tour and where will you be going? So how long is this tour and where will you be going? As it stands now at the time of taping, it's six performances.

Okay. We're kind of like ghosting your tour. Sure. Well, a lot of overlap there. It's sort of like a stock car race. You've got to catch my tailwind. That's what Miley Cyrus relies on for ticket sales. Chicago, Detroit, New York, D.C., Boston, and Philadelphia.

So supposedly there's other dates in the work, but I get information sort of like two weeks after it's leaked. And this – will this be the – I'm trying to kind of imagine where Miley Cyrus would perform. Will these be the most people you have performed for? No. It was like a real sort of – real is the wrong word. But if it was an appropriate tour, yeah. I mean she could probably sell at like the Staples Center. Yeah.

But these are all in the biz. We call them undersells. So they're like in like 4,000 or 5,000 capacity venues rather than like stadiums or arenas. I mean these are the kind of places that you could headline. No, definitely not. No, no, no. Absolutely. Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, I guess we should also mention something I didn't know until we were chatting outside, but Wayne Coyne is producing Miley Cyrus' album. That's why it came from him, which is probably a weird detail. She made a free album. Specifically, I think they made an album together and she gave it away for free. Yeah, on SoundCloud. I thought it was a tight move. Yeah.

No, I think it's great. I support almost everything about Miley Cyrus. Yeah, Miley Cyrus is full of tight moves. Except for the couple of things that give me the creeps. Yeah, yeah. There's not a... But yeah, I think in general, Cyrus, net positive for the culture. Yeah, I think so too.

So not the most people you've performed for. I think the Arcade Fire Tour would have been the biggest show audience. Festivals tend to be a little larger. But it's definitely going to be the most feverish audience I'll have ever – I'm really worried for like a Blues Brothers Roadhouse style moment. Where they're just hurling bottles at the chain link fence in front of you. Are any of these shows at Bob's Country Club? Do you know the theme from Rawhide? Because they love that.

I legitimately want to learn it. Because they're all going to get the reference. Are you the only opening act for this? Is it going to be like you and then the Flaming Lips and then Miley Cyrus with the Flaming Lips? It's just me and then Miley Cyrus with her dead pets. And her dead pets happen to also be the flaming lips. Wow. But it's two sets.

Just me and then them. Oh, my gosh. From what I know, this could probably be, you know, I'll probably get an email like in five minutes. It's like, oh, no, you are Miley Cyrus and you have to go on. I get to wear her same outfit. Hit the gym so what kind of

set will you be doing I mean I guess obviously the you know whatever material she does with the flaming lips won't be totally dissimilar from your music if there was a Venn diagram the center would not just be like a sliver I think it'll be but again I have no idea what the audience

is going to be the show is sold out in a minute. Yeah. And I'm not announced on any of them when they went on sale. So it's going to be interesting to see who's like, hmm, all right. I've always wanted to know what a middle-aged man would do opening up for Miley Cyrus. I heard he's got some sort of performance art thing going on. I'm 14 years old. Which I say to myself often.

I am 14. Dan, I was... Good night, journal. I've seen you at MaxFunCon blow up a party of introverts with a DJ set that featured as its piece de resistance

under the sea from the little mermaid like i saw that's a jam that is a fucking i saw you fucking needle drop that shit and the floor went off like as though you had just bumped in the club in 2000 or whenever that song came out like just gotta know how to read a room. Just like you are a capable party starter. Thank you. The question is, how does that translate to 18-year-old women? I don't know. I'm certainly the wrong person to ask because I'm trying not to think about it.

I'm going to wait until the moment we are on stage the first night and then I say, like, make a circle. And you drop under the sea. I drop under the sea. We should walk out to under – we've been walking out to Steely Dan. This is the Steely Dan. It's 100 percent in the demo. Unless you have any doobie brothers. I mean, you've got the doobs.

I think walking out to under the sea is a good idea. Are you anticipating a higher level of swag and craft service? Oh, I don't know. I didn't even think about that. Do you have a tour bus? I'll probably be bringing my ridiculous school bus. Oh, yeah. I didn't even know you had a ridiculous school bus.

I do have a ridiculous school bus. How is it ridiculous? I mean, other than it being a school bus. Yeah, it's being a school bus that an adult man owns. It's converted to run on waste oil, like veggie oil. Oh, neat. We probably won't do that on this tour because it would be cold. How is this different from just the green tortoise hippie travel bus?

It's not. Okay. Well, we've got like nine bunks inside. Just a white person with dreadlocks making you spaghetti every night. Balding. Balding, balding man. Yeah. We're all balding on the tour. Yeah. It's at that stage of our lives. Just clinging on until we can get to the

long, long flowing locks. Ideally, yeah. Until you can get to fart on those hookers. That'll be the day. Living like a true king. Yeah. I'm pretty sure he also owned a chain of restaurants and had hidden cameras in the bathrooms. Chuck Berry? Yeah. I'm pretty sure he also owned a chain of restaurants and had hidden cameras in the bathrooms.

Chuck Berry? Yeah. Could be wrong about that. Yeah, Chuck Berry doesn't seem like a classy dude. But he did invent rock and roll to his credit. I think he's still

the classiest of all roles. Yeah. I think he is. Well, California role. All right, you're right. That is the classiest role. I was going to make some Back to the Future joke

about how his cousin Marvin Berry held up a phone. Yeah. I was going to make some Back to the Future joke about how his cousin Marvin Barry held up a phone. Yeah. I love how that line is delivered. How many takes do you need to be like,

no one's going to get it? Can you just really emphasize it? Marvin. Marvin Barry. Like as if he has more than one cousin Marvin, but one that's

on his mom's side so they don't have the same last name. Yeah, that is the most bonk. That's like such a crazy part in movie history is that thing.

It was like someone was writing Forrest Gump and they're like, no, take that out and put it in this movie. Yeah. What is on the school bus, Dan? It's got a little kitchenette area.

What's that, hot plates? It's got a hot plate. Maybe we do almost everything in a rice cooker, like a big commercial catering rice cooker because you can kind of make anything in there. Sure.

Grilled bacon in it. It's wonderful. A stew. A wonderful stew. Bouillabaisse. Anything you want, really. Gumbo. Those weird nuts you were talking about.

Sure. Not that they're weird, those. Boi-boi-wang corn eggs. Boi-boi-wang. Those corn eggs that I'm not familiar with. Yeah. Those corn eights that I'm not familiar with. Yeah.

It's kind of just like a – the nice part about touring on a bus is that you can stand up or lay down. Like I hate touring in a van because you're just sitting for like nine hours and you can't move at all. And I just – after like years and years and years of touring like that, I was just like, I'm going to buy this awful, crazy bus. And I don't drive myself. Like, I've never had a driver's license. So the idea of owning, like, a completely impractical vehicle is all – any vehicle is a completely impractical vehicle for me. Who drives the bus for you? Good question.

It started as my friend Jeff Nosatch, who is the mechanic who converted it to run on diesel and fix it up and then he became like a normal human being with family and now lives in maine and doesn't want to enter into the insanity that is something like a miley cyrus store but um so my former on and off collaborator uh former on and off is like the worst way to describe something uh my friend chester, who plays bass in the band, has produced, uh, uh, America with me. Um, he drives the bus. Uh, so I, I think he might be driving under the store. I haven't actually emailed him about it yet. So Chet, if you're listening, just shoot me a text.

Now, was this something you that like had your eye on? It's like a specific bus you saw on Craigslist or was it, I want a bus, how do I get one? Neither. It was actually just my friend, Ray, being like, hey, I know you. This was in 2006. No, 2008. I'm sorry. And up until that point, I'd been touring as a solo act.

And for that tour, I wanted been touring as a solo act. And for that tour, I wanted to do everything live with no click track or anything sequenced. So I was like, I'll have four drummers and four synth players and a big string section. That's where the money is. Yeah, well, it is, but then it leaves you immediately. And I didn't, you know, I wasn't planning on how we would do it. And then my friend Ray was like, hey, we found this bus up in Maine. It's $1,500. It only has 50,000 miles. It's in great condition. Do you want to buy it? And I was like, I don't know. So I started pricing out how much it would cost to do it in a regular van. And it was going to be like $25,000 and that was about $25,000 more than I wanted to spend on something that I didn't own.

So I just started thinking about it and it just made – I was like I know I'm going to have to put money into this and if I take a portion of every show and apply it to it, how much is it actually going to be? And if it actually runs on garbage, like that will save us an insane amount of money and it just kind of happened. It made sense. It made sense to buy a recycled hippie bus. Do you drive from like burger place to burger place to Chinese restaurant to Chinese restaurant in between shows just asking for waste oil? We used to, yeah. But it was largely – the best places are Japanese and Thai places. They tend to have the cleanest oil.

The filthier the oil, the worse. Like animal fat is no good. Like a burger place or a fry joint will use their oil again and again and again and again and again until it's just like sludge. Same with a lot of Chinese food restaurants. But it tends to be the nicer the restaurant, the nicer the oil. And how do you approach this? restaurant the nicer the oil and there and how do you approach this like what's we normally we go in and ask like hey and a couple years ago was much much easier because you have to pay to get rid of it so if you're if you have less weight you're paying less so and we try to stress them like

hey we've been doing this we're not going to make a mess because some people do like lock their stuff up because someone will have come once and then like spilled oil everywhere and create a nightmare uh lots of times we'll contact the venue and be like do you have a partnership with any restaurant can you save us some oil we'll pick it up um and we used to have this insane system where we'd collect it and then clean it if it was filthy by running it through jeans like by tying up the leg holes in the jeans and just having these like sort of like scarecrow made of oil crows, I guess. No, that's because I'm not replacing the word hay. Anyway, coffee is starting to work. And so we just like hang these pants everywhere and then collect it in buckets and that seemed

really impractical and it took a really long time. So Jeff built a system that filtered as we drove. But now it's much, much harder. People buy the oil and they like try to resell it at a premium. It's kind of like how people have found out like, oh, people like the word organic food. So like we're going to just make it like five times as much. So people will hear like biofuel and it'll be way more expensive even though they bought it for like 10 cents a gallon from some restaurant down the street. Interesting. Does the car smell like delicious tempura?

In the back of it, yeah. Cool. Neat. I think it's cool too. Do you have any video games on the bus? iPhone. We love playing the game iPhone 6. I've heard about that game.

I'd get a Genesis. One that runs on vegetable oil, though. Yeah, my concern is... It would, actually. You've got to be worried about... Genesis does a lot of things that Nintendo doesn't. Sure. So that's something that I would be aware of when you're picking a system.

Yeah, just think about what Genesis does and what Nintendo doesn't. Just keep that in your mind. You guys said that so calmly. I was like, I could just take a nap to them saying this again. Oh, yeah. This is now an ASMR podcast. Yeah. We're going to be folding laundry later.

So we're just going to say slogans from the late 80s. Yeah. And then go. I'm on an email list where a lot of people are into ASMR videos. And there was one recently about someone being upset about all of the posers. Like people making fake ASMR. And it was amazing because they were accurate. And it was like every scene has someone trying to jump on and just – especially nowadays where you can like have a YouTube channel and like just put up a popular search term and then make a buttload of money.

Who is the creed of ASMR? I can't remember. I'm not into it. They all creep me out. The moment I try to listen to them, I'm like, okay, I got to take these off. Yeah. That is funny that there was some guy who was like, ah, fuck my, my let's play Minecraft videos aren't taking off.

My fat shaming vlog isn't taking off. What could I do? Oh, I can, can I do oh I can yeah I can pretend to brush someone's hair and make a click noise I could see

Neil Hamburger getting into the ASMR game he's got a beautiful voice he has so much texture to his sound I would say his whole act

is so soothing you know if I could pick one word to describe it soothe soothe I Soothe. I was talking to someone who had had some success in the world of ASMR videos, and she had a very big video where she was sorting decorative rocks. Like, you know, things you would get at the La Brea Tar Pits gift shop.

Right. Like shiny rocks. Sure. And she has a lot of very, very beautiful tattoos and was talking about how some ASMR people were mad because she thought that she just made the video to show off tattoos. And that it wasn't about the rock sorting. That was bullshit. So, yes, I think it is a scene that has a lot of very intense opinions. For me, I really like to watch ASMR videos where people quietly explain what they're doing in the Sega Genesis game Flashback. Sure.

Like how they're beating the various puzzles. How they time the jump just right. It's kind of a platform puzzle game. I'd like to watch one that's just describing like this is a 1994 VFW haul and the scandalous Sky All-Stars are about to start. I'm just going to describe all the suits that they're wearing.

Seems to be an inflatable octopus pool toy that someone's riding. Let's just look at that. Two trombones here. Let's just look at that. Two trombones here. Deeply soothing.

So what is your biggest, what are you most excited about, about going on tour with Miley Cyrus? Well, I guess I'm excited to, I've always wanted to tour with the Flaming Lips. I feel like of experiential kind of bands, they kind of hold court shortly. And I'd – you know, just seeing – when you see a show every night, it obviously like impacts your own. I've seen them a couple of times and it's amazing. Yeah. Like it's always – yeah, it's always new and different and so fucking weird and crazy. They're the greatest. I'm really excited to spend time with that and just watching the production and see how they put it together. And also just to, like, watch and the best part about the Arcade Fire Tour were, like, watching people, like, know every single word and to be, like, on the verge of tears if not crying and being like,

I can't remember the last time I liked anything this much. Sure. Do I like anything in my life as much as this guy likes this song? There's that one scandalous all-star show back in 1994 in that VFW hall. Could we just not talk about that?

No, sorry. I know that's a big... You wouldn't believe how much I cried at this real big Phish concert I went to six months ago. Just tears streaming down my face. I was shaking. Powerful show. I was shaking. Powerful show.

I missed the Aquabats on Friday to fly out for Festival Supreme and I was – they were in Baltimore and I was so excited. So excited. I was emailing the promoter to see if I could DJ in between sets when I realized it was the day I was flying out and I was as sad as that guy who liked those songs at the Arcade Fire Show. But that's what blows my mind is when someone can love something so much that's not really attached to them in any capacity. Maybe I'm just like a narcissist, but I can't imagine what I would like as much as I would something. You know what I mean? Those people... The question is, how do the people who feel that way about Miley Cyrus feel about

Miley Cyrus' collaboration with Wayne Coyne of the Flaming Lips? Because that is an open question, right? There's a lot of contention. There's the hashtag SmilersHateWayne. I think we've all seen that. Which I'm hoping to co-op. Sure.

And switch it around. I don't know if Wayne knows about it. And if he does, I'm sure he would own it in every capacity. But I'm wondering what the Smilers will think of. A Smiler being this is like a self-identified Miley Cyrus fan. Yeah, they go by Smilers will think of... A Smiler being, this is like a self-identified Miley Cyrus fan. Yeah, yeah. They go by Smilers.

Hmm. Do you know what the origin of that is? I think the Juggalos were going to go by Smilers, but then they went to Juggalos instead. Yeah, yeah. And then the Smilers were like, yes, we're throwing down Juggalos.

Yeah, there was a draft. Sure. I would love like a celebrity death match, but not more like risk, like a risk game where it's like, all right, I'll be the Smilers and you'll be the Juggalos. It's more like Risk Godstorm. Did you guys ever play Risk Godstorm? No.

Great, great board game. I did play the future Risk with Mechs. Risk 2025 or something? Yes, yes. 25, 25? It's pretty good. I think there's a future Risk. There is a few, yeah, with mechs.

What's next? Are there future versions of other, like is there like a monopoly with mechs? Future clue. Yeah. It was.

Laser room with a laser. It was Miss Peacock in the matter transporter room with the mech. Yeah. Wait, is the mech a character or a weapon in this conception of Clue? I assume the mech is a tool.

It is? Yeah, it's like a robot suit you get in. Oh, I thought they were sentient robot suits. No, it's like the, you know, the power loader from Aliens. Those are real now, right? It's a tool. Mostly. Yeah, my friend has one on his crazy school bus. I think it's like what you see, you know, like a hip teen.

It's like one of those segues without the handlebars. Cool. That's a mech. Yeah, that's just like a consumer mech. Have you seen the videos of like babies and toddlers like picking those up instantly? No. It's horrifying. Yeah.

I bet. Fucking hate toddlers. how they learn to use something i feel like they're showing me up you know i think what i'm most excited about when it comes to toddlers if i was like toddler me i would hope that by the time i was like that toddler me was like 13 i would just like fucking hate all this shit and then like that's the new punk like the new punk is gonna have to just not liking those segues without handlebars well no but it'll be creating something in retaliation to it do you know what i mean like a segue with handlebars segue with handlebars so like oh sorry you riding around on that one

without handlebars but i don't want to think that punk is just hating the current technology. Like, I hate when someone's like, I only like history's greatest hits. I don't like its new stuff. Do you know what I mean? Sure. Granted, history's new stuff, not so great. The greatest hits does really hold up well. Like, I love chairs.

Love the dogs. Chairs are the best. I would hope to think that when I was around, when my friend would come in and be like, put this thing together. It's a chair. I wouldn't be like, whatever. The ground's great. Who cares?

So, I mean, yeah. I mean, I think history does have a lot of great history. You got the chair. Number one. Catapult. Two. Sega Genesis. We have the same list.

But since then, what has there been? That's a really good point. I mean, 3DO. Yeah. But I don't, yeah. Virtual Boy. Mm-hmm. NeoGeo.

Sure. So there's a few things that have been good. Okay, there's been a few things that have been good. Since Genesis. There's a couple greatest hits since Genesis. Yeah. It's Virtual Boy. What are those called, the segues without handlebars?

I just see them. They have a really dumb name. Someone tweeted something about it, and I thought, what does that mean? They're called like hot dog potatoes or something. Are they made by Segway? No. Yeah, I don't know anything about them other than- I think they're made by Nick Cannon.

That's my best bet. They're called Wildinouts. Yeah. Lil Wildinouts. Yeah. Lil Wildinouts. Yeah, I will see those around, and I will – my instinct is to laugh at them because I'm a – what do you call those guys who – I'm a Luddite. Yeah. Famous Luddite. History's greatest hits.

History's greatest – I'm a chair man. I will see someone in my reaction. You ride around airports in a chair. Yeah, yeah. I just hold it with my two hands and keep it pressed against my butt. I will see people writing those and my instinct is to roll my eyes. But a lot of times it will be like a really cool, good-looking 19-year-old. And I'll be like, fuck, man, he is owning that.

Like that is working for him. Anyway, and then I will feel bad. Yeah, just like a hot chick rollerblading in 1992. Sure, yeah. Hot chick rollerblading now. Really great in those rollerblading shorts. Yeah. You know what I mean?

So there is a specific kind of like fashionable 19-year-old that can just cruise around on one of those and own the world. Yeah, and they don't even have to look. The whole time they're watching that fucking odd future TV show on their phone. Sure. You know? Yeah. Just understanding what there is to like about that. It comes with a subscription to that.

Yeah. Yeah, that's a specific phone that just plays that. Yeah, God bless them. God bless them. How much do they weigh, the members of – no, the – I mean, you got Earl Sweat. Yeah. Collectively, like how much is the whole –

Or are we counting all of the internet or – yeah. Because when you see someone at the airport, like what are they doing with it once they get to the gate? Is that their carry-on? Those rollies? Yeah, they put it in the – they put it into the bin and run it through because that's the only place I've ever seen one in real life is at the airport. Oh, yeah? Interesting. Yeah. Well, I live in East Los Angeles. Sure.

And you live in West Los Angeles. I think that's the cultural distinction here. I think North Hollywood is where I see those. North Hollywood. North Hollywood. Yeah, sure. I would have assumed on Fairfax Boulevard in the limited edition sneakers. Yeah, there's a lot of those there. But, yeah, I did see some at the airport. And much better than watching people ride them around at the airport is to watch people put them in the bin to run them through the x-ray machine at the airport. That is a truly magical thing to watch.

I can't wait to see it. And the people that I was watching were sort of like the kind of guy who's wearing a trucker hat in 2015. I think those are called bros. Yeah, but like a, not quite a bro. Bro classic? Someone who have worn a trucker hat back then or someone who is still wearing a trucker hat? Someone who is wearing a trucker hat now and is maybe 31.

Okay, okay. You know what I mean? Yeah, this is a hard kind of guy to pin down, but I know what you're talking about. I know this guy. This guy is called Blues Lawyer. Oh, Blues Lawyer. The kind of person who goes in a guitar center and is like, I want the best Gibson guitar because I heard that's what Tom Petty uses. And I want the nice amp and I'm never going to learn.

That kind of person. And when you see him on a plane, he's Blues Traveler. Yeah, and when he goes to the airport dressing casual, he dresses how he did when he was dressing cool going to like the Spin Doctors or Smash Mouth concert 10 years ago. Yeah. If he was going to a Spin Doctors concert 10 years ago – I misspoke. I meant to say Smash Mouth. Spin Doctors movie is going to be real tight though.

Spin Doctors movie is going to be great. The other day I saw Spin Doctors on Conan. When I say the other day it might have been a year ago sure but I was just like hey look at that Spin Doctors

still getting out there yeah good for them yeah that's how I felt I was like I'm glad they're you know

you gave me a lot of pleasure when I was 11 and I wish you nothing but the best I gotta say like you know I remember I guess maybe

I'm just at that stage in my career I'm like I'd kill to be the fucking Spin Doctors. That would be great. I bet the gigs they play are really sweet and comfy and everyone loves them. I'm sure it's full of, I doubt there's anyone in the room that's like, do you want to check out the Spin Doctors band?

Yeah. I'm sure it's everyone who knows. What are you doing tonight? Yeah, there's a party downtown, but we could just swing by the Spin Doctors show and see how that, you know. We'll see who's there. It's just in the – this is a little bit unrelated, but just in the realm of live music. And this might be a fun life hack for everybody out there. Oh, great.

Jordan, I love life hacks. Yeah. I mean, that's what this show is about. ASMR, life hacks. Right. Minecraft Let's Plays. Soylent. Soylent.

Don't get me started on Soylent. Sure. Like hipster and sure. I just came from Las Vegas, went to a wedding in Las Vegas. Our buddy Matt Meyer's wedding. Congratulations to Matt Meyer. And congratulations, by the way, also this weekend, our producer Brian's wedding, which was very beautiful. Big weekend for nuptials.

Congratulations to our friends Matt and Brian. It was in Las Vegas, home of the Celebrity DJ. So you see a lot of those banners for Celebrity DJs. Who's at the Omnia? Who's at the Wynn? And there was a big one for Tiesto. You can just call that guy Tizio. and there ain't shit he can do about it. You can say, hey, you want to go see Tietzio?

And it's a lot more fun than saying Tiesto, and he can't do shit about it. He doesn't know you're calling him Tietzio. Anyway, that's just a life hack. Tietzio. I was in Vegas recently, and I saw the celebrity DJ things, and I just kept thinking, like like these used to be magicians. These used to be all famous like Vegas' number one magician.

And I'm really excited to know that DJs have finally overtaken magicians. Yeah, because you still see magician billboards. But not as many. I stayed at Deluxe Horse so there was a Criss Angel statue hovering over my room in a Christ pose. So there are still magicians, but you're right. They have been pushed out big time, especially in the publicity department by the Tizios of the world. What's next for Vegas, I guess? We went magician.

Next up is Dan Deacon, right? Yeah. Oh, sure. It's indie pop electronic, a contemporary classical. I hope it's like Celebrity Chefs. Oh, like you just get to watch Gordon Ramsay make a – You just scream at some well-qualified staff. You know, I think I mentioned this, but I did a solo fan in Copenhagen,

which is, of course, Jordan's great contribution to my life, which is where you go to a really fancy restaurant by yourself and you bring a book, paperback specifically. I went to a very fancy restaurant in Copenhagen where I don't really have any friends, you know, and I was really impressed by the amount of kitchen-related theater they had going on there. A different cook came out with every thing, and there was just a lot of them going, yes, chef. Wow.

You know one of those open kitchens where everybody yells, yes, chef. Yeah, it seems like the culture of the celebrity chef, people are going to want that more and more. They want a guy with tattoo sleeves yelling and handling knives. Yeah. Although, I mean, I don't see why we couldn't just get a bunch of guys in white coats to say, yes, Dan Deacon. Yeah. That sounds much better.

Can you just prepare a pork belly somehow in the middle of your set? If I can scream enough people into making it, I think I can do it. Oh, shit. We were watching a video at work. There is a guy who is the chef slash DJ. Whoa. He's a dude who looks like if he wasn't a DJ chef, he could probably be a blues lawyer. I had a hunch.

I think like New Jersey is his beat. Okay. But he has a turntable, and one is a turntable with a record. Oh, please stop. Please stop right there. The other one is a hot surface that he uses like an omelet bar. Oh, my God. It's pretty amazing.

And I know like just defeats the purpose of having a turntable if one of them. What's he making, Mongolian barbecue? Omelets a lot. Oh, just omelets? Yeah, yeah. He's making omelets. Actual omelets? And there are videos of him.

That's not at the top of the chef ladder. Yeah. Usually the omelet station. I don't think he's – he doesn't seem to be trying to impress people with what he is making. It's that he is making while he's also playing, you know, Celebrate. Well, he used to have – He plays basically only wedding hits, by the way, too. Oh.

I do like DJs like that. So it's like electric slide on one thing. Yeah. And a Denver omelet on the way, too. Oh! I do like DJs like that. Electric slide on one thing. Yeah. And a Denver omelet on the other. Yeah. I hope he's got the hot plate with a contact mic on it so he can crossfade to just like the sound of cheese melting. We're giving Dan Deacon ideas for his big Miley Cyrus tour.

Yeah, or my Vegas residency. I hope we don't get you replaced by DJ Chef. DJ Hot Plate. My recommendation to you, Dan, is to focus on soufflés because they're more impressive. Okay. Thank you. This is the kind of life advice I need. Anybody can flip an omelet, but if you can flip a soufflé.

How much do you think a billboard in Vegas costs? Boy, that's a great question. Because couldn't you just make up some DJ, chef, magician? And all DJs just look like men. They just look like man 27B. There's nothing distinct about Tizio's look. It's like a clip art of a DJ. Yeah, right, yeah.

What I would like to see is like a dead mouse billboard that says all the information about how he's appearing at Zen at the Bellagio or whatever. And then the picture is George Wallace with that backwards Kangol hat. That's what I would like to see. Yeah. Maybe when DJs are pushed out, they will need to team up with the legacy comedians. That would be great.

Just go see – what's that guy called? Terry Fator? Yeah. I think he died. Oh, no. Who's one of those celebrity DJs that you see in Las Vegas? Say Tizio. Tizio.

So you just go see Tizio with Rita Rudner? Yeah. Fuck, man. I'm there. Yeah, I'm pretty into that. Just buy the billboard. Yeah, and then it'll happen. They'll have to do the show.

I just want to have somebody be like DJ 5 Camels And then just like 5 Camels with like shades And then it's like at the ice room It sounds like pretty dope camels There's no ice room there's no DJ 5 Camels People just wandering around looking for how to get to it And then you just get like some sort of Google analytics to how many people are searching

For this then you could go to the club and be like Change your name to the ice room get like, change your name to the Ice Room, get five camels. Fortune ready to be made. Jesus, this is a great life hack. I'd like to see one of these guys, honestly, just you know, everybody's waiting for the drop in this kind of music. Fucking needle

drops. Under the sea. Under the sea. Shit goes crazy. That's a magic trick, my friend. That would be my entrance into the game. Is that the Disney song that gets shit the nastiest? If you're looking for shit to get nasty. Right.

Up in a club or something. I mean, there's the Gypsy Kings version of You've Got a Friend in Me from Toy Story 2 or 3. Sure, sure. I think, yeah, maybe Hakuna Matata. I could see Hakuna Matata getting things going. Oh, yeah. But Under the Sea

is just the right vibe, you know what I mean? I like to play when, like, you know, when we played at Max Fun, there were a couple fights breaking out. Sure, yeah.

People were sobbing. It was tough. But Under the Sea, all of a sudden, you know, everyone was, you know, all the sweat soaked back into their bodies.

Yeah. It was like watching, like, a reverse water get thrown on somebody. It was a beautiful moment. There were no fights breaking out. I just remember walking past the door of the room in which the party is held and hearing the needle drop

and seeing our colleague Lindsay Pavlis, the donor relations coordinator, co-host of Brian and Lindsay will totally eat that. Just look at me fucking lock into my eyes and go, oh, shit, under the sea. Just fucking hit the floor. Just like hit the floor like pow. And she I know she's a married woman and I should talk about.

Yeah, right. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. But she got pretty low, right? Oh, she got low. She dropped it. She dropped it like it was hot, right? Low, low, right. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. But she got pretty low, right? Oh, she got low, low, low. She dropped it like it was hot, right? Low, low, low. I like how you keep saying that you heard the needle drop as if I have, like, the Little Mermaid soundtrack on vinyl. I would love to be like, well, you don't have the Little Mermaid soundtrack on vinyl.

That's ridiculous. You have a 12-inch of under the skin. You got the club mix, the extended mix. God, I would love that you're on that fucking 12 minute Prince shit that by the way

is on that by the way is on Prince's like album that he put out just after he got released from Warner Brothers

The Vault Old Friends for Sale is just fucking him and the revolution doing a 12 minute version of Under the Sea I wonder how hard it would be to get the stems to Under the Sea.

Oh, you've got to get those stems. You've got to get those stems out there. Yeah, then we could fucking loop up that drum line and just go ape shit. Can we talk about things we wish would leak onto the internet? Please. Yeah. Well, I'm going to do two. Okay, yeah, you do two, and I'll think of mine, and then we'll go around the room.

Number one, the stems from Under the two. Okay. Yeah, you do two and I'll think of mine and then we'll go around the room. Number one, The Stems from Under the Sea. Real spoiler alert there. Number two. Two. The video of Chuck Berry. It seems like that's on there. Two, the amazing CGI young Arnold Schwarzenegger from the new Terminator movie. Have you seen it?

Yeah. You could make an unlimited amount of Arnold Schwarzenegger movies if the body data of that leaked sure if that was out there you could make

you could make another kindergarten cop exactly you could do anything I mean most importantly you could import him into NBA 2K16 yeah

now we're talking sure but that's what I that's what I think other than like you know what licky licky leaks which is what I like to call them because I love them so much. You like to lick them.

Sure. Yes. Schwarzenegger's Scanned Naked Body. That would be nice. That would be nice if they would just make that. Just put it out there. Open source. Sell it for $10,000.

I'll buy it. Come on. You got the money. You got Miley Cyrus cash. Who needs a house? Those shows actually aren't paying so well. But anyway. I think it would be that last season of Hey Dude where it was on Showtime.

And it was on late night Showtime. Oh, yeah. Shit got real nasty. That was pretty nasty. Like there was no penetration. Right. But Brad and Melody fucked. Yeah.

You know they did. Oh, who's that at the door? Mr. Ernst. Oh, penetration. Right. But Brad and Melody fucked. Yeah. You know they did. Oh, who's that at the door? Mr. Ernst. Oh, shit. Yeah. You know he joined in. This one, nasty dude ranch. Hey, dude, you nasty.

The Mets hat went on backwards. Yeah, sure. All the same actors, too. All the same actors. They did not recast for the nasty after dark version of hey dude we'll be back in just a second i'll join jessica hey max fun listeners i'm dave holmes and if you've been missing my show international waters you've been missing this i am arousedoused, but I have zero idea. Really?

I really... Yeah, sorry. Name a British food lady. Name a British food lady? Julia Childs? I'm afraid I can't accept that. No, it's not Julia. No. Come on, you must know your British food ladies.

International Waters, a panel show where U.S. and U.K. comedians battle for pop culture supremacy. Subscribe right now on iTunes or at MaximumFun.S. and U.K. comedians battle for pop culture supremacy. Subscribe right now on iTunes or at MaximumFun.org. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, the voice of the millennial generation. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And Dan Deegan, the leak-wanter-knower. The leak-wanter-knower? That's me.

Oh, shit. I didn't say what my fantasy leak is. You didn't do your fantasy leak. Ah, jeez, Louise. I mean, honestly, like, let's be real. My fantasy leak is Babe 3. Oh, sure. Because Babe 2 was supposed to be the second part of a trilogy until it was a

total disaster area sure commercially not artistically of course it's got to be like very popular in the netflix world why is the netflix making babe three seems like something that they that would happen i mean like at this point they're making new episodes of mr show yeah uh peewee herman movie and they just made a Wet Hot American summer sequel. So, like, that's pretty much all that's left for me personally is for them to fund Babe 3. And Babe 3 just stars, like, any pig. Yeah, it doesn't even matter what the pig is. Yeah.

But, you know, I think this is the perfect time for Babe 3 because the director of Babe 2, George Miller, is hot off the success of that Mad Max movie. Yeah. I mean, why wouldn't he? I mean, you know, they're talking about him directing Justice League, but I think he should do a direct-to-Netflix Babe sequel. I think that's a good move for him. When something momentous happens to you. This sounds like a fun Reddit discussion. Let's get on there.

Talk about our fantasy leaks. That does sound like a fun discussion. Let's get on there. Talk about our fantasy leaks. That does sound like a fun discussion. Let's not hear about your sexual water sports. Maximumfun.reddit.com. It's a different kind of fantasy leak. Yeah, my fantasy leak is a hot chick comes into my room and sticks a knitting needle into my water bed, if you know what I mean. Oh, boy. Yum, yum.

I think Babe 3 was, I'd go with Babe 3. Let's go with Babe 3. Okay, I'm going to go with Babe 3. Yep, that's pretty solid. Babe 3, just find out what happens. Because the first one was about Farmer Hoggett, but the second one was more about Mrs. Hoggett. The second one is a really surreal trip. Yes, it is fucking great.

It also just looks so – like you could watch that movie without sound and be like maybe even happier. Yeah, it is amazing. It is a real amazing thing okay uh by the way i just found out uh that here's my real secret leak i just found out that basketball superstar james harden uh speaks in a made-up language uh that includes saying satate from puti tang um so i'm pretty delighted about that. That's basically my fantasy league right there. It just actually happened in real life. The key to that language?

Yeah. I would just love to talk to James Harden in a made-up language that includes stuff from Pootie Tang. My other favorite thing besides Bay Pig in the City. I mean. Yeah, that does sound good. Fucking that would be dope as hell. What if I could get Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

in on the conversation? Then it would be perfect. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar just fucking came out with a novel of Sherlock Holmes fan fiction. Like the greatest shit I've ever heard in my life.

That is good. That's real? That's a real thing? That's totally real. Wow. Man, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is so cool. He hates basketball.

He just happened to be the greatest basketball player of all time doesn't care for it much he really cares about his extended sherlock holmes fan fiction oh yeah man fucking not crazy about white people just because they've been treating him so poorly his entire life man kareem abdul-jabbar is fantastic. Sherlock Holmes in the public domain. Yeah. That's why apparently there's a theatrical production of it starring David Arquette. Have you seen these billboards? What?

Yeah, it's David Arquette as Sherlock Holmes. Oh, I bought that billboard, man. Oh, is this a fucking cool camel situation? You're just trying to will it into existence with billboards and Google Analytics? Is this one of those Britishish christmas panto mimes i something like that yeah i have no other information about it other than that it was oh i might have heard him on kpcc talking about it really they they put no it might have been kx 1070 News Radio. That's probably it. He was talking about it somewhere. I like, I mean, who would you, if David Arquette is playing Holmes, is he playing Holmes? Oh, yeah.

I mean, I can only hope that Joey Fatone is playing Watson. Yeah, I mean, my... Other 90s irony celebrities. My assumption was Jamie Kennedy. Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, that was Jamie Kennedy. Oh, yeah, sure. That was my guess. There is a fifth Tremors movie that just came out. I'm sorry?

There's Tremors 5 just came out, and Jamie Kennedy replaced Kevin Bacon. Whoa. The second dude is still in Tremors. No, sorry. The survival guy who was married to Reba in the first Tremors movie is like the lone dude that's still in Tremors. Uh-huh. And it's him and Jamie Kennedy teamed up. Is Reba in it?

No, Reba said goodbye to Tremors. Are they back to being Tremors? I think so, yeah. I don't think they're... Because they weren't Tremors for like two through four. Huh, what were they? They could like get out of the ground and like... I do remember, I have seen Tremors 2 where they're like these raptors yeah but that's where my knowledge of the extended

tremors franchise ends can i ask you maybe this is a better question for dance as he seems to have a deeper knowledge which is the one with kathy lee and hoda that's the today show okay i don't know because i turned on the today show and it was just matt lauer and they were on a rock and that weatherman right yeah because i guess kathy lee and hoda could sense the vibrations in the ground and that's when they pull you down with their tentacles what's the one that's sort of it's like almost satirical uh any of the tremors yeah oh wait hold on gremlins 2 gremlins you're thinking of Gremlins 2, yeah. Got it, got it.

Okay, great. When something momentous happens to you, like you catch that Tremors movie with Kathie Lee and Hoda, we ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN and share your momentous occasion with us. We've got some momentous occasions lined up. Ibarri, next. Roll the tape.

Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. Hi, guests. This is Erin calling from Portland, Oregon. With a momentous occasion, my husband and I just got back from celebrating our anniversary where we rented a cabin out in the woods in the middle of nowhere. There were a lot of deer around this cabin, lovely, lovely creatures. Two deer in particular I was calling about, they were on our back porch on the day we were leaving. Two stags, and one of those stags, as we were admiring how graceful it was, looked back at us and just started sucking his own dick. I didn't know deer could do that. I assure you they can. It was very gross, and we ended up watching for several moments as we did not know what

else to do. That's all. I think this was probably not a deer. This was probably Marilyn Manson. He had a rib removed. Right. I think that's probably not a deer. This was probably Marilyn Manson. He had a rib removed. Right. I think that's the urban legend. So this might have been Marilyn Manson.

And he was just wearing a headdress of some kind? Yeah, or just, you know. I think he has kind of naturally occurring horns. And he is live. Yeah, sure. Deer-like. He's got hooves instead of hands. So this probably was. These are all well-known facts about Marilyn Manson.

Was the deer standing? Yeah, I can't imagine the position that it was in. Well, I don't think it was, like, standing on its hind legs. I hope not. It would be the most terrifying thing a deer could do. Yeah, right? Can you imagine how horrifying a deer just standing up would be? Well, I mean, I would say probably more terrifying than that would be a deer sucking its own dick.

I'd be kind of inspired. He's making it happen. Living the dream. You finally get that sequel to your album America finished up. Going to deer yoga. I like to see deer yoga. That would be fun. That's something positive we can take out of this call.

Yeah. I mean, a lot of people would say that this call is just a nightmare that's been described to us. Sure. What's a nightmare? I don't understand. Deer's just whatever. He's getting down. Deer's just want to have fun.

I don't like that the deer did it in public. That's all the deer has is public. Well, I mean, you could go into a thicket or a cave. There's lots of shit out there you could suck your dick in. Hold on. I want to know what the other deer was feeling like. Was the other deer like, Dave, not here. Come on, man.

They're still in the cabin. Can we please just go behind the waterfall? Yeah. Lots of places we could suck our own dicks that isn't in front of these nice tourists who are celebrating an anniversary. I mean, it would be a cool celebration of your anniversary if you could suck your own dick and thus prove that your partner was superfluous

sure yeah or prove that you're part deer but for the love of god go in a thicket that's where you're going to want to suck a dick I mean I know you're saying thicket I maintain the best place for the deer to go is behind the waterfall you can still see into the waterfall though there's a cave behind the waterfall. You can still see into the waterfall, though. There's a cave behind the waterfall. Can you imagine?

I mean, I'm sure the porch was lovely. But if I was like, oh, look at this waterfall. Let's go peer behind it. Oh, there it is. A deer. If you part the curtains of the water with your hands. Oh, sure. And you behold the majesty of nature.

And the deer, it looks at me, but doesn't stop. It's just like, for real? I'm back here. You get the porch. I? And the deer, it looks at me but doesn't stop. It's just like, for real? I'm back here. You get the porch, I get behind the waterfall. This is worse than when Mr. Urge walked in on me.

From that After Dark Hey Dude series. Hey dude, come on. Hey dude. Are you afraid of the After Dark Hey Dude series?

Yes. Are you afraid? Yes. Do you want to play the most dangerous game? I like that in your, your world, Are You Afraid of the Dark and Hey Dude exist in the same universe. Oh, absolutely. Kind of a snickiverse.

It would be great to recut Are You Afraid of the Dark where it's just like considered for the approval of the Midnight Society or whatever the fuck they say. Yeah. And then like they throw that stupid shit in the fire and then it just cuts to a scene of Hey Dude. You know, if that's not already on the internet, I'll give you $40. I swear. I mean that – of all the other shit that – I mean if people are looping two hours of Chuck Berry farting, which apparently they are. Yeah. They've got to be recutting Hey Dude into Are You Afraid of the Dark.

There's no way that's not happening. Did you know that Netflix recently funded a new, you know, like as you said, like Showtime, like a sensual thriller. Sure, yeah. Called The Further Adventures of Pete and Pete. Oh, my. Yeah. Yeah. They have a fluid sexuality. It's really hot.

Yeah. And fluid genders. Mm-hmm. Sure. Yeah. It's all over the place and it is bubbling. It sounds pretty hot. Yeah. And fluid genders. Sure. Yeah, it's all over the place, and it is bubbling. Sounds pretty sexy. They get low.

Let's take our next call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and Jess. This is Terry from Brooklyn calling in with a romantic vacation. I was out to lunch and saw a little kid, maybe four or five, sitting at a table with his mom's iPhone. He was just randomly tapping at things when suddenly I noticed he had pulled up his mom's Tinder account and was madly swiping left and right. He did this for maybe like two or three minutes before his mom noticed and smashed the phone away from him.

I'm just going to show off some matches to look forward to in the future. Well, thanks. Love the show. I mean, I think there's a strategy here for online daters. Or if you're using Tinder out there and you want to match more, just assume that maybe there's some hot milfs out there whose kids get a hold of Tinder. Yeah. So just like hold up some toy trucks. Maybe have a picture of yourself where you're jingling keys.

Just try and attract these kids who have accidentally opened Tinder on their mom's phones. I don't mean to make us all rich, but. Yeah. This is about putting up a camel billboard in Vegas because we've already discussed this. Are you talking about DJ5 camels? Because I'm really excited about it. I don't know if you guys don't have kids, so you don't have this situation where you turn on your Netflix on your Xbox or whatever,

your Roku, and you get a choice of which user is this. Is this the parent or do you want Netflix for kids? I feel like I've been answering that question so much. Netflix should know I don't have kids at this point. Yeah, same here. Yeah, so I am thinking maybe we could put one of those screens when you open up Tinder. Oh, who is this for? Is this for mommy or is this for baby?

Yeah, exactly. I like it. And then, yeah. Let the venture capital pour in. I mean, if you choose the parents one, it's all of the sexy and attractive pictures of other Tinder people that you might be interested in your area. If you choose the kids one, it's the jingling keys and stuff. Sounds great to me. Yeah.

I think that would be good. Or just Buzz Lightyear. Yeah, right. yeah right oh mom date him oh buzz i hear he can suck his own dick like a deer i've not heard that about him oh yeah very flexible i've heard a lot of things i mean my kids really like toy story i had not heard that about buzz light there's a showtime toy story is there yeah it's nasty i did not know that. I have not seen that episode of Real Sex. Yeah. Okay, well, that upsets me.

Let's get this one out, guys. Let's take our next call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and esteemed guest. I had my first day of work today at a new job. And as I was walking in, I actually kind of got lost. And they're doing some construction there. And I was on the phone with my new boss, and he was directing me where to go. on the phone with my new boss, and he was directing me where to go,

and I tripped and fell off of a ledge and sprained my foot really bad, and they made me go home early on my very first day of work. Hopefully, I will be welcomed back on Thursday, which is my next day of work, but it was the most humiliating thing in the world. And also, it was in front of about 15 construction workers. Okay. I'm still humiliated and I'm on crutches now. Bye. Bye. Well, nice to talk to you, first of all. Yeah. Second of all, I think your biggest concern is not that you had this pratfall in front of these handsome construction workers. I think your biggest problem is that this could be a jump the shark moment for you. This could be like on The Office when Steve Carell's character drove the car into the lake because the GPS told him that was the direction to go.

And you're like, I thought this was supposed to be a grounded show. Sure. You'll do anything for a joke. Now, I think the biggest problem for this woman is that people are no longer going to buy into her universe. Sure. Yeah. She's just. It's just too implausible.

Well, you know, it's. You lose that grounding. There's nothing for the jokes to work again. I mean, she's in season eight of her life right now. Right. So she's already got that syndication money. Yeah, I know. So she should just wrap that syndication money. Yeah, I know. So she should just wrap it up in a classy way, I think.

You know what I would recommend? Give us a call and let us know when you get invited into the universe underground that's ruled by jockeys. Right. When Data Ghoul starts writing your life. Yeah. Where do you think she works? Where there's ledges. I can't imagine.

Yeah, I know. Maybe she's a gargoyle. She could be a gargoyle. She could be a professional gargoyle. Do you think there's a lot of turnover in that gig? Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, you know. There's the gargoyle bosses.

Well, if you don't get back by the time the sun comes up, you can't be a gargoyle anymore, right? That's true. Yeah, you're just a monster. The gargoyles movie, that's got to be in development. It's got to be, right? She had a pleasant voice for a monster. She did. I'd like to see a movie based on mussels.

Millions of unusual small creatures lurking everywhere. Saw some of those at the flea market this weekend. Real hard not to buy them. Yeah, those are incredible things. There's just a couple of things that it's real hard for me. You know how a bunch of people on your Facebook timeline posted about the Star Wars toys they bought? Sure. The other day at Target.

I have that problem with muscles and like 1992 Fleer baseball cards. If I'm at the fucking flea market, you can buy a whole box of 1992 Fleer baseball cards for like five bucks. Yeah. Oh, I want to open up those cello packs. See, you're talking sealed. I'm talking about sealed boxes, unopened boxes of wax or cello packs, depending on the brand. If they had those of the Marvel cards, I would be like. I would bet they would.

Let's see if we get some of those fucking holograms. I know, man. A hologram cable. Ooh, boy. Got to get those holograms. Got to get that cable holograms. I know, man. A hologram cable. Ooh, boy. Those holograms. Gotta get that cable hologram. Gotta get them grams. I wonder who has the most cable holograms.

Like, and how many it is. Yeah, sure. Yeah, who's the guy? I bet they're listening. Do you think it's Mark McGuire? I think it's Mark McGuire. I like how Todd McFarlane has all the Mark McGuire home run balls. Does he really?

Yeah, yeah. Todd McFarlane spent his millions of buying. Fuck Todd McFarlane has all the Mark McGuire home run balls. Does he really? Yeah, yeah. Todd McFarlane spent his millions of buying – Fuck Todd McFarlane, man. Mark McGuire home run balls. Mark McGuire spent his millions buying cable. Those are two good Wikipedia vandalizations to make Todd McFarlane exclusively about how he owns Mark McGuire. Don't mention any of his comic book work. Get Spawn, all the comic book work out of there.

And then Mark McGuire just lie and be like known for owning the most cable hologram cards. Sammy Sosa spent all his money on DC cards. Bad investment. And you remember that year that Cecil Fielder hit over 50 home runs? Sure. He actually spent all his money on pogs. Mm-hmm. So, you know how that goes.

Just another tragedy. He's a demon with those slammers. To be fair, he's got dope slammers. Very nice slammers. This dude has some. Just another tale of a professional athlete wasting his money. It's a shame. I know.

It really is. It's a sad thing. That's what his 30 for 30 is about, right? His pog addiction? It is really. He actually got into them when he was playing in Japan. A lot of people don't know. They started in Hawaii, pineapple, orange, guava juice.

And then they went to Hawaii where they swept the Nippon Baseball League. These are great Pog facts. Cecil Fielder brought them back to the United States with him when he went to play for the Detroit Tigers. So that's a lot of fun facts about Pogs. He had one of those metal slammers, though, so he wasn't sweating it. These are all things that you should all run and put on Wikipedia right now, please. Yeah, and if you have any objections to this, remember, just tweet them at Ted Cruz. At Ted Cruz.

At Ted Cruz. If you have any objections or corrections to Jordan Jesse Go, please tweet them at Ted Cruz. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm Dan Deacon, the guest. Dan Deacon, I'm going to offer my unqualified endorsement both for your live performances and recorded works. Thank you.

You mentioned earlier your album America. I was just listening to it this morning on my smart telephone device. Thank you. If you've never heard Dan's music,

it is just something that is really remarkable, something that is really special and thrilling. Thank you. Mesmerizing, beautiful, and also really fun. how he can make music that is both genuinely some next level shit, like genuinely some intellectual progressive fucking crazy ass shit that is also just as purely melodic and thrilling and also makes you want to shake your ass.

It's a real achievement. Thank you so much. That is my endorsement of Dan Deacon, whose music I really ass. It's a real achievement. Thank you so much. That is my endorsement of Dan Deacon, whose music I really love and who is a great guy. And also, the man knows how to fucking rock the shit out of a party. Jordan, you went to a Dan Deacon concert before, right? Hell yeah, I did. It was a blast. Yes, I mean, it seems like these Miley shows are going to be a little tough to get into,

but hopefully Dan Deacon is performing in a town near you soon. If you want free tickets to the Miley's shows, just tweet at Ted Cruz. Yeah. Yeah, he's got them. He's going to be picking them up. He bought most of them up, I hear. I think by the time those smilers get to Dan's signature exhortation that everyone get on the floor and dance like a bunch of grown-up Bart Simpsons, I think they're going to be – I mean, that is a – number one, that's a reference that transcends generation. Sure.

Number two, that is an irresistible call to arms. Somebody says that they want you on the floor dancing like a grown-up Bart Simpson. You do it. You just do what you have to do. Yeah. It's true. Dan, what's the product – I mean people have – all these fucking Miley Cyrus shows are already sold out. We already plugged the shit out of these sold out shows.

I guess I'm towards the – I put out a record in February called Gliss Riffer and I've been slowly touring that for the year. I say slowly because I used the wrong word. But I think next year I'm going to do probably just a couple of select shows and I don't know I'm sure how much I'll tour trying to do more

of these like special engagement kind of things but I'm sure I'll find some way to fuck that up and end up being on the road

for like 75% of the year it'll just be at like the Castro Theater in San Francisco and Grumman's Chinese in Los Angeles

in 70 millimeter. I'll be outside of all those theaters selling. Oh, are you the hateful eight? That's me. Is that why you're? Okay. Got it. Got to see it in 70 millimeter.

Got it. You got it. Got it. Well, Dan Deegan, we are so grateful to you for making time on your busy touring schedule. My pleasure. What a joy it was to get to talk to you. Yeah. You do a lot of meditation?

No, I don't think I've ever meditated in my life, to be honest. I try, but I just – I have a really hard time. Maybe I just don't know. I remember when someone was like – the first time I heard the term engage your core, I was like, I don't know. I don't – my brain and stomach are separate right two different things i don't talk right and then like the first time i did it i was like whoa do you know what i mean so i wonder if i like yeah meditate all the time and don't realize it or if i just you know what i mean can i make a suggestion please what if you just heated the vegetable oil

up to 98.6 degrees and fucking tanked that shit. Got up in there. Would I float? We could make it salty, I guess. Seems likely. Hard to say. I mean, it's probably salty from the French fries. When you get out, dive into a nice ranch dressing. I do taste delicious.

Everything's good with ranch. Yeah. You know. Ibarri and X. Pirello on the boards this week. Lindsay Pavlis lending a hand with the production. Congratulations to the great Sonny D., Brian Fernandez, and his new wife, Lauren. It was a beautiful wedding, a beautiful—I shed a few tears. It was really a touching thing.

It's great. Jordan, I hate when people write their own vows. It never comes out right. I mean, like, it's not like it's... I mean, all weddings are good. Sure. They had some really fucking deep moving vows that really wowed me.

Had a great time at his wedding. So, there you go. Congratulations, Brian. We hope you're enjoying your honeymoon away with probably Bora Bora, right? I mean, either that or they're going over There you go. Congratulations, Brian. We hope you're enjoying your honeymoon. And what are you, probably Bora Bora, right? I mean, either that or they're going over Niagara Falls in a barrel.

One of the two. One of the two honeymoon destinations. It's possible they're going over Bora Bora in a barrel. Yeah. Something's happening with a barrel. Brian has spent all his money. He wears that barrel instead of clothes. Oh, yeah.

Sure, he lost it all on the stock market. He spent it for his shoulders with straps. But, you know, you never know. You never know with old Brian. Yeah. A Barian X. Perel on the board. It's Lindsay Pavlis lending a hand. JJ Go at MaximumFun.org.

206-984-4FUN. Hashtag JJ Go on Twitter. At Ted Cruz with your comments, complaints, and corrections. You can join the discussion on Reddit about what your fantasy leak is at maximumfun.reddit.com where it is. I know there's a lot of people out there who are hesitant to get on Reddit because of the human monsters that populate substantial portions of it, wide swaths of it. Are you talking about r slash aw? Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, those bastards. But, you know, I hear a lot of feedback, like Reddit's full of, you know, Gamergate monsters, I won't go up on it. The MaxFun Reddit is full of the loveliest human beings. I mean, you just have one, just eavesdrop on one conversation between RageTacular and Lipthripper.

And it is a beautiful, it's like it's as though your entire body has been brined in salt water. A little bit of lemon and rosemary. You taste delicious. It's just, muah, muah. That's what, when I think of Reddit, that's what I think about. Yeah. Well, follow up with Dan Deacon by going and buying his records and going to his select dates next year.

And I am not at Dan Deacon on Twitter. That's another person. I'm at eBay Netflix. At eBay Netflix. Can't see how that would be confusing. That's actually true. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. Go.

Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. I'm Jordan Jessica.