Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 411: Night Pees with Alison Rosen

Episode Date: January 18, 2016

Alison Rosen joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of the fried chicken balls Jesse had for dinner, nighttime urinating patterns, and Alison's potential class at MaxFunCon.  Plus, we pick a theme for the new year!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Beautiful evening here in Los Angeles. The weather is brisk. The streets are sparkling. There's dreams in the air.

Snow on the mountains. Oh, I was going to say a song in everyone's heart. Yeah, that's true. I haven't noticed the mountains because, I don't know, I'm just more of a heart guy. And a voluminous cloud of e-cigarette vapor surrounding everyone's head. Yeah, like a halo. How do you like that chicken ball that you had, Jordan? And I'm going to set the table here for our audience. Look, I'm nothing if not a halo. How do you like that chicken ball that you had, Jordan? And I'm going to set the table here for our audience.

Look, I'm nothing if not a professional. I'm prepared to bring in the audience on this. So because we have an evening record, you know that, hey, Jordan, I'm not going to make it through this show without eating. No. I got to eat beforehand. Sure. Come on, give me a break. I mean, that's on top of the glucose bag that you always have with you.

Of course I always have a glucose bag. And I keep those little honey straws. Mm-hmm. You know, just in case I need a little zip. You're a man who gets low. Yeah, absolutely. So. And I'm talking about mood wise and on the dance floor.

So. You drop it like it's hot. If your blood sugar drops. Because we are recording in the evening, I headed out to the taco truck to get myself a few tacos. Jordan. Well, that's the end of the story, right? No way, Jordan. What?

There's more. Welcome, by the way, new listeners. This is a show on which we just list things that we've tried to eat recently. Taco Truck's gone, man. It's nighttime. Taco Truck's only there for lunch. Sure. Well, it's probably parked outside of a hip nightclub.

Yeah. Club Los Globos. Yeah. Let's club the balloons. Los Molcajetes. This neighborhood has seven restaurants named Los Molcajetes. What is that Spanish for? The balloons?

I think they're jugs. Okay. Want to say jugs? Mm-hmm. Wait, what's the thing that you grind? A mortar and pestle? Yeah, but what's that called in Spanish? There's a word for that in Spanish.

The balloons. Yeah. You got it. Okay. I? There's a word for that in Spanish. The balloons. Yeah, you got it. Okay. I think it's called a lift. In Spanish, it's called a lift. Right. So it's gone. So I just say, okay, look, I'm just going to open up my Yelp app and buy whatever is closest to me because Alison Rosen is coming here.

Okay. We're going to introduce Alison Rosen, our guest, in just a second. This is too important to let her chime in on. Okay. We're going to introduce Alison Rosen, our guest, in just a second. This is too important to let her chime in on. Sure. I'm sure she has no opinions on chicken balls. So I say, oh, what's this ho-ho chicken? It's hot and new on Yelp. Yeah.

But is this a Christmas-only thing? Like, is it a pop-up shop? It's a Christmas chicken pop-up. Yeah. That's possible. I mean, we're past the Christmas season. We're even past Three Kings Day at this point, Jordan. Sure. Little Christmas.

Yeah, I mean, you're lucky if you can get a ho-ho chicken on Boxing Day. Yeah. It'll shut that shit down. I worry, because I feel like sometimes the Yelp information is not up to date. That's true. And, you know, this could be some sort of Christmas chicken pop-up that's still on the Yelp app, but nobody's flagged it. Jordan, I had to eat.

I was out of honey straws. Sure. My glucose bag had a hole in it. It was dripping all over the road. Sure. So I had to do what I had to do to get some calories into myself so I could entertain America. get some calories into myself so I could entertain America. So I went to Ho Ho Chicken, a pleasant and attractive,

if somewhat disinterested woman took my order for a small garlic chicken. I stared at this board, which only had like four choices on it, for an hour trying to figure out what the different things meant. Sold it by bucket size. And I sat and waited for 25 minutes. Then I brought back here some Korean chicken balls. And I'm guessing that they're Korean because, A, the Koreans are known for their innovations in chicken frying technology. B, we're in a community with plenty of Korean Americans who often bring in those innovations to introduce them to American shores.

Sure. C. God bless them, by the way. Yeah. I don't know why Donald Trump wants to keep them out. Yeah. He doesn't like chicken? Why does Donald Trump hate Koreans?

Don't know. Maybe he hates innovative beauty products. Maybe he hates loofah scrubs. What a monster. Somewhat over-ag he hates loofah scrubs. What a monster. Somewhat over-aggressive loofah scrubs. Maybe he hates competitive StarCraft. Why does he hate South Korea? Maybe he hates M.A.S.H.

Yeah. You know, impossible to say. A lot of people think that's said in Vietnam. It's actually said in Korea. It's an allegory about Vietnam. Boy, I was going to vote for him, and now I'm not so sure. I don't even have an opinion about politics because I'm a journalist. Sure.

Listen, if you're out there, Martin O'Malley, I want to know where you stand on three things. Number one. Interesting ways of frying chicken. Number two. Competitive StarCraft. Number three. MASH, which chicken. Number two. Competitive Starcraft. Number three. MASH, which was an allegory. Right.

So I don't know. My vote's up for grabs at this point. If Martin O'Malley came in here right now, Martin O'Malley, and let's bring Allison Rosen into this conversation. Sure, yes. Allison Rosen, of course, is the host of the Smash Hit podcast. Allison Rosen is your new best friend. She's a beloved regular guest here on Jordan, Jesse, Go. She is so proud of her heritage that she refuses to make the obvious name change from Alison Rosen to Alison Rosé, which would make her huge, huge in the urban entertainment market.

Yeah. It never even occurred to me. It's not pride. I mean, I'll go with that, but. It's not pride? No. You're actually anti-Semitic. Yeah.

I would love to get away from my heritage. Rosé. How would I spell it? Alison Rosé. That's an interesting question. How would she spell it? I say R-O-Z-A-Y, like Rick Ross. R-O-Z-A-Y, like Rick Ross. R-O-Z-A-Y.

People might think it's Rosé. That's okay. Allison Rosé is your new best friend. No. Here's the problem. Because when I got married, I thought, I assumed I was going to change my name because I'm part of the patriarchy. Or phallology or the hegemony. I'm all those the patriarchy or the phallology or the hegemony.

I'm all those monies and logies. And I just assumed I would just go ahead and change my name then I could drop the anchor that's Rosen. But I've got the website just recently redesigned and I've got a theme song. It's mostly...

Good plug for your personal website there, Allison. It's mostly, thank you. You know website there, Allison. It's mostly. Thank you. You know what's hot these days? Personal websites. Thank you. No, it's truly beautiful. What do you got there?

Tour dates? I've got everything. I've got my podcast. Sure. I've got a blog. Sure. I've got about the show. And I've got about Allison.

I've got bulleted fun facts. And I've got a more standard bio. No, hold on. I'll be the judge of that. I've got comments. I've got a sidebar. I've got bulleted fun facts, and I've got a more standard bio. Hold on. I'll be the judge of that. I've got comments. I've got a sidebar. I've got widgets. I've got photos. It's all there. I'd like to hear one of these facts. If they are as fun as you claim they are,

I'll probably be able to recognize that as soon as you're done with it. So let's just hear one of these facts, and we can judge how fun or not fun this fact is. All right. All right. I pretty much need to pee all the time. That's pretty fun.

That's pretty fun. It's fun, but it's not – I don't feel like the edges are hard enough for it to be called a fact. Well, it's a fact to me. Yeah. Hence, it's a fact to me. Yeah. Hence, it's science. Okay. Allison, I also feel like I have to – most of my life, I feel a little bit of pee pressure. Do you?

There is – it's maybe an hour after I pee where I feel no pee pressure and then it starts again whether or not I've drank anything. How many times do you pee in the middle of the night? I should have put this on my website. You know what? I used to. Boy, this is going to take a detour. Okay. Thank you for setting me up for this wonderful story, by the way.

You're welcome. But just before we forget, I want you guys to know I have some thoughts on the chicken balls. Yeah, yeah. We'll get to the chicken balls. Can we go back? I used to get up once per night around three or four to pee. Basically, yeah. We'll get to the chicken balls. Can we go back? I used to get up once per night around three or four to pee.

Basically every night. I'm on week two of having a new mattress. Sleeping through the night. Wow. Peeing when I get up. Wow. So the pee pressure, I guess, is not... Memory foam? This is a Sealy pillow top. Oh, fancy.

It's a pillow top, like a cloud. Thank you very much, princess. Yeah. No peas under there, I can tell. No peas on top either. Yeah, exactly. There's no pea anywhere near the mattress. Yep.

So, yeah, I've been sleeping through the night, but I do feel like my life these days is in a constant cloud or shroud of blateral pressure. All I can think about right now is a children's book called The Princess and the Pea, and it just has a picture of you going, It's me, princess. Give me that urine. Yep. Jesse. Yeah. Peeing in the night?

So I historically, I was not a night peer. For many, many years of my life. You were more working on your night poos. Working on your night poos. I think you just call them night moves. Night movements. Yeah. So I. Nocturnal BMs. You know, you're working I... Nocturnal BMs?

You know, you're working on your nocturnal BMs. It's not quite as catchy. You know who's going to solve this? Weird Al. Can we get him on the phone? I got married and I think that changed everything. That absolutely changed everything. I never...

Yeah, for my blood. How? I don't know. Possibly a sexually transmitted infection. It's hard to say. But the point is. Oh, a key much more now. I now frequently take one bathroom trip. You're trying to get away from your wife. During the evening.

Do you think that's what it is? Maybe. Are you coming on to me? You're married, Allison. Meet me in the bathroom. I didn't take my married name, so you know what that means. Sure. You can meet other men in your bathroom.

You're DTP down to P. Well. So you do one P per night? Yeah. Okay. Frequently one. I'd say 0.75 Ps per night. Okay.

Allison, how many Ps per night? I'd say 0.75 P's per night. Okay. Allison, how many P's per night? Oh, my goodness. Like between three and five. Wow. I am a cranky insomniac. I don't always say cranky. Today I'm cranky. And I've started trying to track it.

So I wake up and the first thing I think is I need to pee. So I get up and pee. And then I'm like, I can't, I'm not ready to go back to sleep. I feel wide awake, even though I was very sleepy. Like I have no trouble falling asleep. I have trouble staying asleep. I feel like I'd add to a drug company. Yeah, me too. Absolutely. I definitely had staying asleep problems. I got this ceiling now. I'm sleeping like a baby. I baby. I'm wondering how much it has to do with the mattress. Me too, yeah. Like you really are sleeping through.

I've never, I can't remember a time I've slept with a mattress. Yeah, me too. It's been a long time for me too. And I've just had a like hand-me-down mattress for a while. I mean, when I moved into my new place, I went down and got my mom's mattress from her guest room. Because you're worth it. Because, you know what, I'm worth it.

So I have had this hand-me-down mattress for a while. And you were probably, you know, creaking those springs pretty regularly. I mean, you're a single guy in the city. Sure. I was creaking those springs and ruining it with a little bit of scat play. So the time came. I'm a single guy in the city. Right. Everyone's into scat play so the time okay i'm a single guy in the city right i'm gonna everyone's

into scat i'm gonna sexually shit yeah since august you gotta get things going and become sexually shit upon no um which are you more into uh being the shitty or the shitter um i mean i i think it's all it's all part of the dance of the shit team yes yes the beautiful rondo that is shit play um so yeah i mean it's all it's it's the circle of life you've seen the lion king three to five allison yeah so anyway this is a lifestyle choice this isn't about your need to urinate. This is about your need to get yourself upset so that you can't go back to sleep. Well, that's an astute observation, which I don't know that I fully agree with, but I did. I don't think it's a need to get myself upset, but I decided

last night, you know, I'm not going to check myself into some sleep study place no that involves a lot of things i don't want to deal with you got to put on one of those darth vader masks yeah yeah fuck that you don't need that fuck it i am going to just do my own sleep study at home and every time i wake up i'm going to write down the time and what's going on so what's going on yeah so i don't know what time I went to sleep. Let's say midnight. And I woke up convinced – sure it was – it had to have been morning. It was 1.59. My note was not sure why I woke up, but I can hear D – that's Daniel.

I don't ever refer to him as D except in the middle of the night apparently. I can hear D loudly snoring, exclamation point. Is that Daniel, Daniel Striped Tiger? Day Lewis. And then at 2.13. So no, couldn't have been 2.13.

I don't know. It was less than an hour later. Up again. My note was, I have a stomach ache. What a whiny bitch I am. Sure. And then my next one was. I hate to be this notepad you're writing on.

Oh, boy. It's really going to get the business in the morning. I think the next one was like around four or five. And it was like, I feel agitated thinking about my mom and my sister. There's all sorts of stuff under there. What were you thinking about? I don't know. Are you more or less successful than your sister?

I mean, we're at different places in our lives. More, more. What field is she in? Podcast hosting. Yeah. Right, whereas I'm in off-the-cuff sleep studies.

I don't know. She hosts Sally Rosen as your new best friend. Have you heard of it? Right, whereas I'm in off-the-cuff sleep studies. Nice. So I don't know. And then I actually started— She hosts Sally Rosen is Your New Best Friend. Sure, yeah. Have you heard of it? Yeah, I mean, no. Yeah, so there you go. QED.

She's going to change it to Sally Rosé. Yeah, right. Be a hit. And in the urban market. Yeah, I know. If only I had acted a little faster. So I just want to let the listeners know I can vouch for the chicken balls because I could smell them the second I got off the elevator in a very positive way. And I thought, that smells good.

And then I thought, you know what? I feel like it always smells good in a food way here. And I feel like you guys are always eating good smelling, vaguely ethnic food. Is that true or have I just decided that? I don't know. I would say that, I mean, I do not eat here too much, but I will say that we are ground zero for a lot of greasy, delicious ethnic food. So that this tracks to me. And yeah, maybe if you're not even, if you're not getting it from something that someone in the office has eaten, it's probably in the ether. Yeah, yeah.

I think that's fair. Yeah. Do people remark on the— If I'm not eating tacos, I'm eating Korean chicken balls. If I'm not eating Korean chicken balls, I'm eating pupusas. I see. If I'm not eating pupusas, I'm eating that other thing that they serve at the Honduran restaurant that I don't remember the name of right now. That's sort of like a quesadilla, but with some bean inside and a Honduran sausage.

So are we ready to say what we thought of the chicken balls? No. Okay. Here's my question to you. Okay. This is an electoral question. And I'm a certified pollster. Okay. I'm Nate Silver of FiveThirty to you. Okay. This is an electoral question, and I'm a certified pollster. Okay.

I'm Nate Silver of FiveThirtyEight.com. I know exactly who that is. So nice to meet you. I know who you are. If Martin O'Malley walks in here right now, Martin O'Malley, the governor of Maryland, former governor of Maryland, I should say, current presidential candidate. And he lays it all out on the line. He says, I believe that America should be a leader in chicken frying technology. If I become president, every piece of fried chicken will be encrusted with sesame seeds.

Does he get your vote? I mean, I like the gumption. Right. I like that. Yeah. I mean, I like that he's welcoming towards other cultures and their ideas. Let me hold on. Okay.

I'm going to make an amendment. Okay. Every piece. If when on the day I take office, my first order of business, first hundred days, will be every piece of fried chicken in America will be encrusted with sesame seeds and your choice of one of several delicious glazes. Now he has my vote. Yeah. The glazes push it over the edge. It does.

I do like a choice of glaze. I do, too. I like a choice of dip. Hot fire glaze. Garlic glaze. Teriyaki glaze. It does. I do like a choice of glaze. I like a choice of dip. Hot fire glaze, garlic glaze, teriyaki glaze, curry glaze. Man, those are a lot of glazes.

Yeah. Do you think they just make the glaze with some kind of powder in the back and some kind of liquid glaze, sort of like frozen yogurt? Yeah. And everyone gets their glaze powder from the same thing?

Yes, exactly. How do you think Martin and Mellie... Did you know about frozen yogurt that there's only one flavor supplier in the entire frozen yogurt industry? And everyone gets their glaze powder from the same thing? Yes, exactly. How do you think Martin O'Malley- Did you know that about frozen yogurt, that there's only one flavor supplier in the entire frozen yogurt industry? It's all from the same place. Can I just say a quick thing that I thought of? Yeah.

How do you think Martin O'Malley feels about glaze in the military? I did not know that about frozen yogurt, but it makes sense. I feel like, yeah, all frozen yogurt does taste pretty much the same. Yeah. But we actually, not to disagree with you, where I used to work, if you did that, you'd be taken out back and shot. But some place like- You're talking about on local television news in New York. No, I'm talking about Sam Goody.

Okay. That's a greater. Welcome to Sam Goody. Would you like to pay $22 for a CD? Welcome to Sam Goody. Would you like to pay $22 for a CD? Apparently, when they said Goody got it, what they didn't mean was a diversity in opinions. Yeah. No.

No. Bam. If Marno Malley had bon mots like that, he would get my vote in a moment. Really, the bon mots more than the glaze. Yeah. A place like Golden Spoon, I find, actually has quite a different flavor than something like your Pinkberry. And it might just be the tart, though. Yeah, I guess you have your trendy tart yogurts. From Korea.

From Korea. And then you have your... Creamy, yogurty yogurts. Right, sure. So, yeah, I guess those are, Yeah, there is a different quality to those. Growing up. I don't know if this was a chain or a franchise or just one in the place I grew up. Oh, which was where Jordan grew up.

Sure. Yeah. Do you remember Heidi's Frogan Yozert? No, but it sounds like they have a fun sign. Doesn't that sound very 80s? Yeah. We went to Penguins. Penguins was our 80s frozen yogurt place.

Gotcha. And little gummy bears. I'm not into gummy. I actually don't really eat frozen yogurt, but I have a lot of opinions about it. Interesting. I don't like gummy bears in there because I feel like they turn into jujy fruits. Yeah, that's true. Which are things that are too hard.

I do remember that was the appeal to me is the cold gummy bear turning into that kind of hard ordeal. I think that's a lot of fun. I think that is a textural hoot. Really? How do you feel about a big mouthful of Milk Duds? Because I think that's an ordeal too. Yeah. I think one or two Milk Duds is pretty fun.

The first two are good and then suddenly you've got a hunk and saliva. Butterfinger. Put Butterfinger on it. It doesn't matter what it is. Put Butterfingers on it.

Butterfinger is good You could roll your chicken ball in crushed Butterfinger. Hey Jordan, you better not lay a finger on my Butterfinger. I won't.

Bart Simpson. Thank you. I don't want to make things awkward here. I didn't. Look, Allison. Yes. Since the last time you were on the show, I've worked up a few impressions.

One of them is Bart Simpson. You had an old man finger on my mother finger. It's like he's sitting right here. Yeah. I wondered where Jesse went. Yeah. It was jarring, wasn't it? It was jarring.

Yes. And it's so timely. Yeah. I'm Lisa Simpson! Whoa! Saxophone! The whole family's here. Yep.

The thing is, you just slip right into it. It's seamless. Seamless, yeah. Yeah, there's no, you don't have to conjure up memories or anything. I'm Homer Simpson! Whoops! Boy, this is probably what it's like for the cast of suicide squad to be working with jared leto who's playing the joker because i hear he doesn't leave character and it's like you you

know you know jared leto from around from my so-called life my so-called life the table read of that particular movie right uh but then you get on set and there's just the Joker. Or, it's probably what it's like to work on House of Cards with the great Kevin Spacey. Oh my god, does he foghorn leghorn it up the whole fucking time? Yeah, he's doing foghorn leghorn. Y'all know how much I love being

here at Craft Services. Y'all got some of that good chili. How about a little jug of iced tea And a little jug of lemonade Now now now now Do you have a Do you excuse me

Do you have some red vines Oh Kevin Yeah old Kevin Spacey He wants us to look at him I don't love House of Cards I know it's an unpopular opinion Yeah I'm with you I feel that way about most of the non to look at him. I don't love House of Cards. I know it's an unpopular opinion. Yeah, I'm with you.

I feel that way about most of the non-Kimmy Schmidt Netflix programming. Really? Even Making a Murderer? Oh, you know, I haven't started yet. It's good. Yeah. I don't know if I need that in my life right now. You probably don't. You have a great mattress. Yeah, guys, I got this mattress. I am watching

less TV because I am excited to go and lay down. Most of the Netflix programming I recognize is probably pretty good. Seems like people like it, but it just kind of loses me, except for Kimmy Schmidt, which I've watched nine times since it's come out. So anyway. Yeah, I'm prepared to watch. I'm on the edge of just starting over with Kimmy Schmidt. Boy, it's a hoot. It's all those jokes.

You probably didn't hear them because you're laughing too hard the first time. Oh, man. Anyway. My favorite line. But yeah, I kind of sense that we are of a piece because we feel a little bit alienated when people are talking about how much they love Netflix original programming. Yes. I just can't work up a lot of enthusiasm.

I like it. On BoJack Horseman. Oh, I do't work up a lot of enthusiasm. I like it. On BoJack Horseman. Oh, I do like BoJack Horseman. When an animal person does a thing that the animal would do. That is a lot of fun. That is a fun every time. Always a hoot. Without exception, I love that.

Maybe I need to be watching BoJack Horseman. Yeah, BoJack Horseman is really funny. By the way, the fact that I'm yelling in this weird voice made me worried that people would interpret that as me doing a bit that was sarcastically saying that. Yeah. No, I sincerely think when one of the animal people from Bojack Horseman does a thing that the animal would do, I love it every single time. It's absolutely my favorite part of Bojack Horseman. Don't get me started on Vincent Adultman, the two children who are just sitting on each other's shoulders. And for some reason, people believe they're an adult. Anyway, BoJack's good.

So as I was starting to say before, I don't want to make it awkward. Sure. But I am going to. You guys, I want in on MaxFunCon. Is it too late? Oh. Yeah. It is too late?

Here's the thing. God damn it. Fuck. Shit. Piss. Butt. Nocturnal BM. Cunt.

Allison Rosen doesn't know. The only way to get in on MaxFunCon is to have your people talk to my people. Hymen. Seaman. That's good. Thank you. I'll stop now. Yeah.

I was running out of stuff. If I think of another one, I'll do one. Okay's good. Thank you. I'll stop now. Yeah. I was running out of stuff. If I think of another one, I'll do one. Okay, great. Sorry. So I need to have my people talk to your people? Ball sack. Nice. Ooh, good.

You should have your people. Allison Rosen, you know that as soon as you come up with a class to teach, you have a lot of expertise. Well, I emailed you over Christmas. We've emailed about this. No, but I emailed you. Here's a peek behind the curtain. Allison Rosen and I have emailed about this before she ambushed me on the most popular podcast in America, Serial. Sometimes it's weird when they cut to the two of us talking about Max FunCon.

Oh, you know, it's more buzzworthy. Poop shoot. I know I said that a little louder than we have been. Sure. The one that occurred to me is thigh gap. And that's really not along the lines. It's just in the same region, sort of. But it's not where we're going. Yeah. Rectum.

That's good. Yeah. Damn near killed him. No, I emailed you over Xmas, and I got an away message saying that you probably weren't even going to read these emails. Yeah, it was away. With a class idea. It was... Do you not

reveal what the classes are ahead of time? Should I not speak in any specifics? Look. It's real awkward for you. I feel great. Honestly, you should be speaking – your representatives, again, should be speaking with my representatives. I do think – let me ask you this. All right.

Lay it on me. Do you think that when Dr. Oz wants to ask Oprah what class he should teach at MaxFunCon, he calls Oprah directly? No. He has his people talk to Oprah's people. Could you give me the email

address of your person? Your class should be about superfoods! Cancer-preventing superfoods! Sincpreventing superfoods. Sincerely, Bart Simpson. Dr. Oz is constantly climbing through colon's colon. Ah. He's all, have you said, that's all he does.

All he does is hold up organs that have been destroyed by I don't know what. organs that have been destroyed by I don't know what. And then he climbs through like a giant colon and has the wet stuff drip on him. Allison, wait, so Dr. Oz is now like super sloppy double dare? Yes. Oh, my God. Is he trying to win a Sega Genesis or a trip to space camp? Yes, that's all he does.

I thought of another class on my way here, though. What's that? What is your – I mean, the real What's that? What is your expertise? I mean, the real question is, what happens at MaxFunCon and MaxFunCon East? What happens at these events? People come together to learn new skills and make new friends. I like both of those things. What skills do you have to teach these people?

Let me ask you a question first. You read through. Oh, vos deferens. Nice. How much would the average – how much should the average person be like, yes, I need to learn that skill? Because my very earnest idea was that I could teach a class in interviewing. Yeah, your idea was that I would teach it with you. I suggested that. I'm busy.

I'm busy glad-handing. So you did read my email. It was just an idea. It was just an idea. But I feel like that's a genuine skill I have. Interviewing. I've been doing it my whole life. I was a journalist, now a podcaster, et cetera.

I don't know if that's... But another thing I was thinking, I don't know how often this comes up in people's lives. However, I have become quite an expert in giving myself injections because I'm trying to get pregnant and I have to give myself injections. I probably give myself like at least 100 injections. When you say give yourself injections. Yes. Does that just mean share an intimate moment

with your husband? No. No hot beef involved. You know that... You guys do have a nice Italian sandwich, though. You know that that's how you get pregnant, right? Well, we're doing it wrong then.

You're just shooting then. Okay. Well, you're just shooting heroin. Exactly. It's a saline solution. But if you give yourself shots all the time, there's things you learn that doctors don't tell you and or don't know. I just think that when you do it yourself, you learn all sorts of little tricks about how to make it less painful. Now, granted, most of the MaxFunCon attendees don't need to know this. But for the handful out there that are curious. Some of them might be newly diagnosed diabetics.

Exactly. It's a possibility. They might one day have a kid that needs injections. I'm just saying. Or they might just like gore. They might be into vitamin B12. That's a real thing. This is my question.

As someone, you know, and I don't have any decision power, making power at MaxFunCon. That's why I haven't talked to you about it. I can suggest, but I'm wondering. I mean, interviewing. All of Jordan's power at MaxFunCon is comic and sexual. Sure. These are the two pillars of success. Right.

This is what I teach a class on. Right. Yeah. So. Head of the penis. Right. Yeah. So it seems like – thank you. It seems like there probably are a lot of people at MaxFun who are podcasts or who are writers or – Butt cheek. People who the interview class would – Speak to? Yeah, it would. And there are fewer people more qualified to teach it than you. Jesse would be one though. Sure.

I have taught it in the past. Oh, really? But let's hear one of these injection tips. All right. Here's my idea. I taught a straight ahead how to interview class. What if you teach a how to interview and give yourself injections class? So maybe it's like half and half.

I could do that. Because what I'm wondering is, is this injections thing really going to support a 90 minute? Oh, it's 90 minutes? Yeah. No, it won't. But I could pad it with interview tips. Sure. And also how to do a great smoky eye.

Yeah. But let's hear about it. I think a great smoky eye. Yeah. But let's hear about, let's say, what is something... I think a great smoky eye might be a popular class. What is the first time, what does the first time injector not know that you, an experienced injector, do know? That once the needle is in, you don't feel it. So I think people think that they want to do it fast. And you really, there's no, there's no rush there. So you feel a tiny poke when the needle goes in. But most of the discomfort you feel is if the medication itself stings. And what I've learned just from all the time I've done

it, because there's one particular shot with IVF that it stings quite a bit. If you do it really slow. Clitoral hood. Oh, good. If you do it really, really, really slow, it's much less painful than if you do it fast. And doctors often will just do the injection fast, and then it hurts like hell. That's pretty good. That's a good tip.

I've got more where that one comes in. Do you have anything about asking open-ended questions, avoiding yes or no questions? Yeah, you should ask open-ended. That's actually full disclosure. Something I still struggle with sometimes is if I ask an open-ended question, then I will follow it up with like, you know, I mean, is it like this or this? And I kind of like start to give them options. I don't know why I do that. You should probably take a class.

I know a guy. Maybe I shouldn't be teaching it. But no, but I think I should. Well. I definitely think I should. I mean, as a non-decision maker, I would love to take an interview class from Alison Rosen that included maybe 10 minutes of injection shit at the end. Would you agree?

I would open with the injection shit. Oh, yeah? Just get things flowing. Get him in there with that. I say- Like how when you see Vanilla Ice live, he opens with Ice Ice Baby. Yeah, I think- Get it out of the way.

That's my head out of the way. I think what you do is you start, look to the person to the left of you. Look down at your desk. There's a needle. Inside is, let's say, a rabies vaccine. Sure. Or a bubble of air. Yeah.

Let's pick it and stick it. Okay? That's how you kick it off. You grab that shit and you jab it in there. I could do it. Talking about your husband's dick. Oh, wow. It's a totally different class.

Yeah. Would you agree that being intimidated and overly deferential is like the death of a good interview? You know what? I think that being intimidated and overly deferential is both the death of a good interview and the death of a good self-injection. Ooh. Maybe the class is the Venn diagram. Self-injection. Where they intersect.

Sure. Interviews. What are your guys' twin pillars? Right. Right. My twin pillars of Max von Kahn are country clothing and bacon. Hmm. Pretty good pillars. Yeah. Pretty solid. What about you, Jordan? And bacon. Pretty good pillars.

Yeah. Pretty solid. What about you, Jordan? Oh, it's comedy and sex. Oh, right, right, right. We've been over this. Sorry. Thinking about sex terms probably.

Yeah, I know. I mean, I feel like we should keep this bit going. I know, but are there any left? You know what? We can think about it. This is both a sex term and something we need to get to. Chicken balls. We haven't said what we thought about the chicken balls yet.

I need to know. Yeah. People want to know maybe if they're in the area or if they're visiting L.A., should they make the journey to ho-ho chicken, which may or may not be seasonal? I'll say this right ahead of time. I was predisposed to like it because I was very hungry and because I really like ho-hos. Sure. That's something that you- You're reminded of a dessert that you like. That's something you won't often hear an NPR host say on microphone, but I do.

I sincerely like a ho-ho. I like a Swiss roll. You know, Terry Gross can fit a whole snowball in her mouth. Really? Yeah. Interesting. It's like a python eating a a whole snowball in her mouth. Really? Yeah. Interesting. Like a python eating a pig. It's amazing.

It's really amazing. Here's what I thought. You gave me one of your chicken balls. Yep. And one of my man balls. Sure, and one of your male balls, which I appreciated. It had a nice glaze on it. Yeah.

I thought fun to eat factor, very high. Yep. You're holding this ball. Yep. You're munching it. Yeah. I thought fun to eat factor, very high. Yeah. You're holding this ball. Yeah. You're munching it. You have to be a little bit creative. It's got a little bit of a bone in it, so you got to look out. I got one white meatball that did not have a bone in it.

That's good. Mine was bony. Yeah. But it's not a deal breaker. Fun to eat factor, very high. Texturally, pretty tasty. Balloon nut. Yeah, sure.

Texturally, a lot of fun. Yeah. Maybe as far as pure good taste, it kind of just tasted like a garlic bomb, which is nice. So I would give it a solid B. Maybe not something I would go out of my way to have again. But if I was in your situation and Ho-Ho Chicken was there, probably a pretty good choice. Yeah, I was thinking as I was walking back to the office, maybe we should have chicken ball day at the office sometime where I, the magnanimous boss man, purchased chicken balls for the entire office staff. By the time I had eaten them, that idea had faded.

It sounded less fun because, as you said, I give mine a B+. But again, that's a little bit affected by how much I like Swiss rolls. Now, does something need to get a grade A for you as the boss man to treat your staff to it? It's an interesting question. I mean, the classic Max Funds staff treats are paletas. That's a Mexican popsicle.

On a hot day. And, of course, dim sum day. Sure. That's where we travel to the San Gabriel Valley to eat dim sum. And I try to shame others into eating chicken feet. Chicken knees. Chicken knees is what I like. Chicken knees.

Chicken knees. Are chicken knees covered with i like chicken knees are chicken knees covered with the like orange chicken foot skin no high up does that go no you it's fried and it's got a kind of salt and pepper taste to it have you had this you just pop it in your mouth no it's crunchy but not excessively so. And it tastes pretty good. Oh, is there no bone in it? No, it's like cartilage, but the cartilage is soft enough that you can just chew it up.

Yuck. Yeah. Maybe it's tendon. I don't know. Probably tendon. No, I think there's cartilage because it's crunchy. Tendon's not crunchy. Hard to say.

I've had tendon and pho. That's not crunchy. Hmm. Anyway to say. I've had tendon and pho. That's not crunchy. Hmm. Anyway. Yeah. So, ho-ho chicken balls, pretty good, but maybe not something I'm going to be champing at the bit to get again. Well. Maybe I would have preferred a different glaze.

There's a variety. You did not try the curry glaze. I bet I would like the curry glaze. The soy glaze? That's also probably good. Anyway. Hot fire glaze? It's also probably good. Anyway. Hot fire glaze? So a solid

middle-of-the-road review for Ho Ho Chicken. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. It's Jordan, Jessica. I'm Jesse Thorne, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, the voice of the millennial generation.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Allison Rosen, happy to be here. We've got something up on the jumbotron this week, Jordan. Hey, this is to Craig and Ailey. Ailey. Ailey. Ailey. Ailey.

Craig and Ailey. To our dearly beloved Craig and Ailey. Ailey. Ailey. Ailey. Ailey. Craig and Ailey, to our dearly beloved Craig and Ailey. From Grant. From Grant. All here at SMC love and salute you. Hands down, you are together a model from which many and of our futures be cast. Everything and more. Your brothers and sisters in arms, SMC Strong. What do you think SMC is?

This sounds like it was written by a North Korean propaganda minister. I don't know what any of that means. I hope the people who are on the inside of this appreciated it. Yeah. I don't know what it means. Happy to read it. Yeah. I really like it when people let us announce on the Jumbotron their messages, business and personal. But, yeah, don't know what this means.

Sounds insane. I could only imagine that the person who wrote it is either an insane person or a dictator or both. That's true. Dictator who's gone mad with power, let's say. Yeah, right. But, yeah, I can't make hide nor hair of it. Yeah. But I'm happy to share it.

I liked sharing it. If you want to get up on the Jumbotron, MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. We'll share your message with the world. If you want to advertise on Jordan, Jesse, go email Teresa at MaximumFun.org. If you want us to make an announcement about lazy and piggish Americans who have no honor. Yeah. Get at us. If you have a message about centrifuges.

Sure. Holler at your boy. Yeah. MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. Got a weird haircut you want to promote? Sure. Whether it's one that you currently have or one you want to give to someone else. If you're sick and tired of all the glory on MASH going to the South Koreans. Sure. Whether it's one that you currently have or one you want to give to someone else.

If you're sick and tired of all the glory on MASH going to the South Koreans. Sure. Maximumfund.org slash Jumbotron. We'll take that Hawkeye down a peg. Get at us. Yeah. We'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Jessica. Love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Allison Rosen, something clever. Hey, there's something I forgot to mention in the last segment. Please. We got a new put this on baseball caps, including the one that I'm wearing right this very moment. If you guys will just take a look through your telephone. Sure. We have our classic star design, plus new California and New York designs. They are all super, super, super cool.

I'm very proud of them. They're all handmade one at a time in Pennsylvania by a lady. They're really gorgeous, premium leather bands, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And they're super fresh looking. You can really see the lady's handiwork. Yeah. Clearly made by delicate hands. Putthisonshop.com is where you can get them.

And as always, at the Put This On Shop, you can use the code FULLCHORT for free shipping. Speaking of FULLCHORT. Sure. We need a slogan for 2016. Yeah, we're already ass deep into 2016. People are just drifting hither and yonder. Sure. Just floating through this year not knowing what they're doing with themselves.

Yoni. So, Alison, for you, we, every year for the past couple years, we've picked a slogan for the year. It's kind of a guiding light for people who are listening. Sure. A beacon. Yeah, a beacon of hope and inspiration.

Yeah, we had... So what have we had? We had eternal power, plug it in. That was a popular one. Immortal power. Immortal power, colon, plug it in. More powerful than ever, going ape. A lot of power going on.

Yeah. Well, in a lot of ways, the goal of this is to help people develop their power. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. A lot of people have underdeveloped. Like I'm listening to Rogan. Underdeveloped. Also, the mood landing was fake.

Underdeveloped personal power. Flatter theory. And our goal really is to, our goal is to. To teach them how to interview and inject themselves? Mm-hmm. Yeah, and I mean, to a certain extent, build a race of super soldiers. Mm-hmm. You know, so that when North Korea invades, we're ready for them with a lot of people who are really, like, good to go. You got to be prepared for Rojoa. That's racial holy war. It's coming.

Yeah. 2015 was sleazy like Sunday morning. 2014, Flight of the Raptor, Sting of the Asp. I love an asp reference. And then Immortal Power Plug It In and more powerful than ever, Going Ape. I actually put a little bit of thought into this. And I was thinking about both my philosophies of life and also what motivates me. I've been thinking a little bit about this too. Okay. So maybe there's some way we can come to some sort of common ground.

Graft one onto the other. Sure. Awkwardly. Yeah. So when I think about what motivates me, well, I'll talk about my philosophy of life. You know, there's this expression, you got to be in it to win it. Sure. Okay.

You have to step up to the- I've seen my own back tattoo. Right. You have to, you've got eyes on the back of your head. You've got to step up to the plate to hit a home run. Sure. Okay. You got to get into the game if you want to take home the pot.

So I was thinking about that. And I was thinking about what motivates me more than anything else in the world. And that is the mash-out posse. The Brooklyn-based hip-hop duo. Fizzy Womack. Mm-hmm. A.K.A. Lil Fame. I'm talking about M.O.P., of course. Mm-hmm.

And so my suggestion is, for 2016, our slogan be, Ante Up. Mm. Like, let's go. Let's do this. Right. Ante Up. And it's good for two things one is if you can't decide whether to get in the game you say to yourself another thing is

if some motherfucker is walking through the hood with a chain you say get him you don't give it back hit him hit him Allison while we're kind of figuring out Get him. Get him. Get him. You don't give it back. Hit him. Okay. Hit him. Hit him.

Allison. Yes. Let me – while we're kind of figuring out where we want our year to go, I want to ask you about your 2015 going into 2016. Okay. Do you have any big goals that maybe we can speak to, maybe some shared goals that we can all, you know, kind of enjoy together. What are you looking through the hood and someone comes at me with a chain? I want that chain. It's a nice chain, by the way. By the way, if Brian has not designed a T-shirt by the end of this segment, I will be very disappointed.

Continue, Allison. Somehow saying anti-ep is going to get me the chain. Yeah. I will address that. Somehow saying ante up is going to get me the chain. Yeah. I will address that. But can I just – can I, before they fall out of my civ-like brain, ask a couple questions of Jesse?

Yeah. So in it to win it and mash out posse, ante up indicates in it to win it? Yeah, because you're anteing up. You're already there. If you're anteing, you're in the pot. You're in the game. Yeah, you're putting your money in the pot. So it's like a cooler way of saying dip a toe. No, it's not about dipping a toe.

It's about engaging in the game. And it's also a perfect metaphor for thievery. But how? This is where my whiteness shows. I'm going to quote from my friend Lil Fame, aka Fizzy Womack. Take minks off.

Take things off. Take chains off. Take rings off. Bracelets is yapped. Fame came off. Everything off. Is he saying get naked? Fool, what you want?

We stifling fools. Fool, what you want? Your life or your jewels? It's Bart Simpson again. Yeah. The rules? Is Sides again. Yeah. The rules. Is Sideshow Bob there? The rules.

Back them down. Jesse, can we talk to Chief Wiggum? Next thing, clap them down. Respect mine. We Brooklyn bound. Stirring. I felt it. Yeah.

Is anti-up a fizzy thing? No. Anti-up is a you thing. Is what you say when you're sticking somebody up. You do? Yeah, when you got the gun on them

or whatever. White Jordan? You say anti-up. As in like, put your money in the pot. My God, if someone ever held me up and said anti-up,

I'd be like, what? This is confusing. What does that mean? I see. Sure. Okay. Because I was thinking not as a slogan, but I was just wondering how this relates to shit or get off the pot in the same. That one's gross.

I know. I'm not suggesting it. I'm just saying is it saying the same thing but not quite. Okay. So as I transitioned from 2015 to 2016, I made two New Year's resolutions. Okay. To do more podcasts. Mm-hmm. Bingo.

Here I am. What do you do? You only do four or five a week, right? To do – oh, sorry. No. To do other people's podcasts. Oh, well. Here I am.

You're welcome. Thank you so much. And to be more social. Okay. Oh, I're welcome. You're welcome. Thank you so much. And to be more social. Okay. Oh, I like those. Because I am someone who has a tendency to not be as social as I wish I were. Okay. Because when I was younger, I forced myself to go out all the time.

But now it's easy to just be a lazy, useless sack of shit. Peeing all the time. Sure. Drinking my soda. Just urinating and injecting. Exactly. That's all I do. Not even the good kind of injecting. Drinking your Safeway brand sparkling water Drinking my soda. Just urinating and injecting. Exactly. That's all I do. Not even the good kind of injecting.

Drinking your Safeway brand sparkling water. That's right. Refreshe. Which I'm sure relates because I'm overly hydrated. Sure. My urine is very colorless. It's good though. Odorless too.

Yeah, I know. It's supposed to be healthy. It's good. It's healthy. It's just copious amounts of it. So let's see. So what else do i want to you know i also feel like this is the year that shit's gotta happen like there's a lot of things in my life mainly they're trying to get pregnant thing it's like if it's gonna happen like it's

gonna be this year sure um however if allison's gonna get pregnant it's gonna be this year it's probably not universal. Yeah. I mean, it might be a little bit confusing if people didn't know the exact concept. Right. Here's something I have been thinking about. R.E. 2016. Please.

What do you think about this? Destroy the brainstem. I'm sorry? Destroy the brainstem. I'm sorry? Destroy the brainstem. I'm sorry? Like a sniper taking aim. Right? You want that kill shot.

Sure. So you destroy the brainstem. But whose? Just, I mean, your goals, your problems. It's about precision. It's about, yeah, it's about taking a deep breath. Like bullseye. Destroy the brainstem.

Like making a surgical strike on your goals. Sure. If I could paraphrase. Please. Do you mind if I use the language of the streets? I would love that. You're suggesting that we yap that fool. Sure.'re suggesting that we yap that fool. Mm-hmm.

Sure. Oh, my God. Yap that fool. Why is that not it? In a really, like, precision way, you know? Not like, you know, this isn't about, you know, running at a problem with 20 different solutions or, you know, jumping into a situation before you've assessed it. I mean, we're getting older. We've accumulated skills.

Allison Rosen can self-inject. I can conduct interviews. Sure. Jordan, you've got that sexual power. Sure. When at altitude. So. And that mattress.

Annie up, comma, destroy the brainstem. How about... I have to admit to you, Jordan. Sure. Destroy the brainstem. It's fun to say, isn't it? It's difficult to say. I find it unpleasant to say.

Yeah. And it upsets me a little. It conjures upsetting images to you. Sure, yeah. Because if you think about what happens if you destroy the brainstem, it wouldn't be like, great, cross that one off my list. Yeah. It would be more upsetting. What about yap that fool?

What about yap that fool? 2016. I will say that I don't feel comfortable saying yap that fool. I'll say it twice then. Okay. I don't want to sound like a white guy making fun of rap. I'm not making fun of rap. This is like my favorite song of all time. I know.

You're more comfortable in that zone. To me, I feel like I'm goofing if I say yap that fool. I feel like I'm a... But if you add what you said earlier, Jordan, yap that fool, but in a precise way. Sure, comma, but in a precise way. What about this?

Get him, get him, get him. Anti-up. Nope, we're dropping anti-up. Okay. It's just get him, get him, get him. Are these commas or are these periods? Exclamation marks. Love it.

Done. Done. 2016. Get them, get them, get them. I like it a lot. Can I take Yap That Fool then? Yeah, sure. Allison Rosen is your new best friend.

Yap That Fool. I love it. It's very on brand. What kind of fools are you yapping? Probably the folks. Childlessness. Sam Goody. That's right.

Oh, man. Taking out Sam Goody. They sound like a bunch of fools. fools are you yapping probably the probably the childlessness sam goody yeah that's right oh man they sound like a bunch of fools oh there was a manager there named cat who had black hair and i have black hair and she did not like me and i think it is because we both have the same hair color there's not enough room for two people with black hair here either that or she was just a real bitch but i wanted to yap that fool there was a woman who worked at macy's when i worked there uh i was 18 years old she was i'm gonna say 26 years old very attractive woman I wouldn't necessarily say that her life was right on track but

she would hit on me pretty aggressively but I was so confused as to why she was doing that or what was going on. I never took advantage of it in any way. What department of the store were we in? I want a picture. Young Women's. Now, what was your role? I was a salesman.

In Young Women's? Lead fuck boy. The traditional spelling, B-O-I. F-U-C-C. Yeah, it was Young Women's Collections. So you're Ralph, Ralph Lauren. Sure. You're Tommy Hilfiger.

Right. You're DKNY Teen. I don't remember what it was called. Kind of high-end brands. These are mid-market brands. We're talking about diffusion brands of medium high-end. Forgot I was talking to a fashion blogger. Yeah, we're talking about young adults.

So there was like a teen section. Right. This was the young women's section. So this is not juniors. This is not juniors. This is not juniors. No, ma'am. Alright. I see. It's a little classier than like your Contempo or Wet Seal.

Yeah. The woman who hit on me a lot was not very classy. She wasn't. She was focused, though. She was driven. How did she hit on you? Like, oh, you're looking pretty cute today, Jessie. Or something. Right.

Did it make you uncomfortable? Yes. I was afraid of her. Did you run and run? She was an adult and I was not. Did you take it up with HR? No, because my boss also, my boss Samuel, would hit on me constantly too. Boy.

Sounds like a real sexual gauntlet that you had to run every day. It was really intense. Yeah. Samuel would talk about different designer clothes and then he'd go like, Jesse, I bet you'd look cute in that. That's nice. Like, come on, give me a break, Samuel. I'm not, I'm a heterosexual over here.

Yeah. At least this woman is just trying to prey on me, but I would be into it. Sure. You know? Did you ever get it on with anyone you worked with at Macy's? No. Not even that attractive woman that always wore a flight suit. It's a shame.

It's a real shame. She worked at the DKNY counter. DKNY was selling flight suits that season. Do you get a sense that there was a lot of, you know, in general in the store? Pinky pinky? Yeah. in the store. You know, maybe not with you.

Was it like, were people hooking up, going to drinks after work and coming in together in the same stuff that they left in? I don't think anybody was fucking Samuel.

Okay. Samuel was... It's too bad. He seems like a great guy. He was not a great guy. He was a weird... He was a weird man. He was a weird guy.

This other lady, she was a pretty good lady. Yeah. And foxy. But I was genuinely afraid of her. Yeah. At the time, I had pants that zipped into shorts. Mm-hmm.

Is that important to the story? Just the detail. Just the detail. Sure, sure, sure. That's just context. Did she stare at your zippers when she talked to you? She had those long fingernails, you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Those are kind of scary.

And she had serious grown-up lady makeup. Okay. So she was a sophisticated 26. She was an adult 26. I don't know if I would go so far as to say sophisticated. Right. But she was in a whole other world for me. I had not yet gone to

college. I graduated from high school and lied and said that I was thinking about not going to college so that I could get this job because I needed a job over the summer. Right. And they wouldn't have hired you if they knew you were going to be leaving them? Right. Macy's one of the lifers. Yeah. Like this lady, it sounds like. Yeah.

I never even made it into the union. I had to work there six months to get into the union. I was only there like four months. Right. Are you saying that if you felt like you were more mature and confident and single, you would have gone for it? Is that what I'm detecting? There's some chance that this woman realized I had. And wanted me to get her pregnant. Oh. So, why didn't you, do you regret that? Yes.

Yes. I would love to have a baby with this woman right now. She sounds terrific. That, that child would be 16 years old now. Yeah. Learning to drive. Vaping. Yeah.

Maybe getting somebody pregnant himself. Yapping. Probably have his own hoverboard. Yeah. Maybe getting somebody pregnant himself. Yapping. Probably have his own hoverboard. Yeah. Wait. Your kids are too young for hoverboards, and it's probably a shame that you feel like you can't, you know, get that trend by the scruff while it's still hot.

I could have been getting commission. Yeah. I didn't get commission for six months either. Wait, you think that she realized you had prospects and wanted you to get her pregnant, meaning she realized you were like a hot number? No. She did not.

I do not. Look. Do you think you might win the lottery? I'm not here trying to tell you that I was some great catch. But Samuel and this lady whose name you haven't given us. I don't think I was grotesque or anything. You had convertible pants. Samuel was a weird creeper.

Okay. Okay. He was not a bad person, but he was a weird creeper. Okay. Okay. He was not a bad person, but he was a weird creeper. He just had elements of weird creeper. This other woman, I think she was looking down the road of her life. And what was she seeing? She was seeing a lot of Ralph by Ralph Lauren. Okay, a long-term Ralph by Ralph Lauren.

She sees this gawky kid. Sure. Is he attractive? No. Is he grotesque? No. He wasn't grotesque. Mm-mm.

Looked fine. Medium man. Yeah. But I was definitely going to college. She was sharp enough to know I was going to go to college. Well, you already secretly carried your acceptance letter in your back pocket for luck, and she probably saw it peeking out

one day. She saw that it was the big envelope, not the little envelope. Sure, yeah. So she knew. With all the information, all the acceptance information. I was always wearing that Harvard sweatshirt that I bought after I got into UC Santa Cruz. Yeah. And I think she, the only, this is like me trying to figure out what she could have possibly seen in me. I think the only thing that she could have seen in me was that I seemed like I was going somewhere. Unlike the other people at the Macy's who definitely weren't going anywhere besides Macy's.

Some of them had made okay lives of Macy's. The woman in the flight suit, for example. Sure. I mean, of all the department stores to work at, it's pretty good. It's not a JCPenney. That's true. You get commission after six months. There's a union.

Not bad. Not a JCPenney. That's true. You get commission after six months. There's a union. Not bad. As a former Nordstrom employee, I know the dizzying high. Sorry I didn't want to drop that bomb too early in the story. Wow.

It changes everything. You're talking about service-oriented luxury department store. Me and my mid-market department store really can't compete. Listen, I worked in Kidswear Boys. So I kind of know a little something about this, you know, erotic rondo that you were doing with this woman. Because Kidswear Boys was frankly rife with it. Really? Was it quite the foxtrot?

I mean, this was a minuet. Did everybody like to cha-cha-cha? This was a stinky minuet. Well, now, did you take advantage of any of the offers to dance? No, I don't think I was in my, you know. How old were you? What are we talking about? Is this before or after you worked the arm that raises and lowers to let people into the lake?

Oh, this was after. I think I worked there like summers and Christmases during college. Got it. Yeah, maybe one during high school, maybe senior year of high school. At Nordy's? At Nordy's. Was this at Nordy's in Orange County? This was, yeah.

This was at what is now the shops at Mission Viejo. This is a premium. Oh, and then also once at South Coast Plaza. This is a premium department store. I live in my Nordstrom. Yeah, yeah. You're accepting back anything that anyone wants to return. Yeah, even if it's a tire that they bought in Michigan.

You know, you hear that. However, I bought some earrings at Nordstrom's, could not find the receipt, swear on my life and everyone else's that I bought them at Nordstrom's. Because they couldn't find the receipt, they wouldn't take them back. There wasn't any sticker on it? No, there was. That sounds like a problem. There was a sticker on it. No, they couldn't find.

They look it up based on. Now they look it up based on your phone number or your email address or the credit card. However, without going into the boring details, I have a credit card that like every two months – I have a credit card that's very – it's Barclays and the company is like psychotic. Well, excuse me. Mr. Owns an arena in Brooklyn. The company is psychotic about security. So every two months for no reason they're like, we've noticed – we've detected potential suspicious activity on your account. We're issuing you a new number and it's a huge pain in the ass. So by the time I went – You stopped at two parking meters in one day.

Right. You were 90 miles away from your home when you tried to use your card. So clearly it's stolen. So clearly it's stolen. So anyway, they kept trying to look up the purchases on the card, but this was like three cards before of the same credit card. Anyway, long story short, finally we realized it was purchased on Daniel's card, his three cards ago. Sure. And I was able to return them.

But it was not the easy here's a tire that I bought somewhere else. Please take this back. Well, I'll tell you this, Alison Rosen. Once my father bought a pair of shoes, which he then wore to Southeast Asia. And while he was in Southeast Asia, he was there for months. And at the end of it, the sole started flapping around.

And he came back to Nordstrom. He said, is there anything I can do about this sole flapping around? And they said, here, have some new shoes. He didn't even ask for them. Did he buy them at Nordstrom's? Yeah. He intended to just give them some shoe glue or something. That is the promise of Nordstrom.

But what happened to me? Well, what I hear is the promise of Nordstrom is a combination of two types of power. Number one, humor. Number two, sexual. Sure. I had that in spades. I think I brought both of those pillars to kids wear boys. Yeah.

If, I don't know, Allison, while you were shopping there, you needed a Tony Hawk shirt for a nephew or something, I probably sold it to you. If it was during summer or Christmas. I'll tell you who was impressed by my zip-off pants. Fucking families from Kansas. Yeah. That's your number one group of people shopping at the downtown San Francisco Macy's.

It's family from Kansas. They could not fucking believe. They loved it. Over the fucking moon. Those shorts turn into pants? Or pants that turn into shorts, they would say. And which were they? We don't have these in Topeka.

Fly over country. It's one or theeka. Fly over country. One or the other, yeah. One pant Kansas. One length of leg Kansas. Just ask Sam Brownback. Yeah, who's that? Governor of Kansas, former

senator. Cool. Is that right? Cool, dude. Sorry, Kansas, if I messed that up. Did you ever set out in your shorts and decide to turn them into pants or vice versa? Absolutely. Like midday? Really? And not only that, I would sometimes wear them unzipped but still on.

So the bottom part of the leg would look like a leg warmer. That's cool. Yeah, it was pretty cool at the time. So there were like three pants. Trust me, this was cool at the time. Like three doors down. So they're like three pants in one. Trust me. This was cool at the time.

Like three doors down. Now, to answer your question, I have never had any kind of sex thing with a – I've had a couple of ill-advised what-have-yous with some coworkers at like adult jobs that I've had but never at like minimum wagey coffee shop retail type stuff. Which seems like the place to do it. Seems like it. Yeah. I feel like I missed out a little bit.

That one would have been fun, messing around in the back room. Is that because you were a shy kid? Yeah. I think I was pretty shy and also a real goober. Shy plus goober. Right. Yeah. That doesn't net a lot of tang.

Yeah. Those aren't the two tang. Those are not the pillars of lot of tang yeah those aren't those are those are the two tang those are not the pillars of tang no they aren't yeah so you know but i had a lot of you know and i didn't get fired i guess so i didn't i wouldn't you know so maybe it's for the best no you got those commissions i can hold my i can hold my head high when i walk into any nordstrom that i haven't been shamed out of one for getting an H.J. in the stockroom. Have H.J. I think it's worth it just for one H.J.

Just for one H.J. in the stockroom seems like it'd be worth getting fired from Nordstrom. Yeah. I would love an H.J. in a stockroom right now. And it would be from my wife. I'm not. No, I know. Look, I have fidelity to my wife. You're not going outside for some HJs.

And just to be clear, people know that I've been with my wife since high school. There was a period after high school, but before we finished our first year of college, when we had decided that we had broken up because we thought that's what you're supposed to do. Just didn't stick. And that's what you're supposed to do. Just didn't stick. And that's when you worked at Macy's? The end part of me working at Macy's coincided with the beginning part of that, yeah. I think so.

I think that's true. Let's talk about these ill-advised whatevers you've had at your adult jobs. Oh, okay. Have they blown up in your face? No, I've never gotten in trouble. They've always been like things that I'm like, oh, probably shouldn't have done that anyway. And, you know, it's never, yeah, it's never been a pain in the ass. But after they happened, I'm like, oh, that.

It sounds like they happened in a bunch or something. No, I mean, this is two things in my entire life. And they were both Chris Fairbanks? Which one of them was entire life. They were both Chris Fairbanks? Which one of them was, was there one or two Chris Fairbanks? One with Chris Fairbanks, and I swear to fucking God, it would never happen again. I swear. It's so fucking cute. But he pulls you in.

He's a tractor beam. He just starts in on a joke, and he kind of loses the thread, starts mumbling, and by then you're sucking his dick. Yeah, I know. I know exactly how it goes. By the time he gets to the punchline. I've met Chris Fairbanks. Sure.

Your former co-worker at Fuel TV. Yeah. Chris Fairbanks. So, no, I have walked the razor's edge as far as doing it to a co-worker. Is that a good slogan? Walking the razor's edge? Doing it to a co-worker. Doing it to a co-worker. Get him, get him, get edge? Doing it to a co-worker. Doing it to a co-worker.

Get him, get him, get him. Do it to your co-worker. Get him, get him, get him. I like that a lot. So it was never awkward afterwards? It was a little bit, yeah. So there was some mild awkwardness, but that's as much shit has happened because of that. Gotcha.

So yeah, I made out pretty good. Allison Rosen, have you ever cheated on your husband with Chris Fairbanks? Oh, boy. He's on my list. Oh, you guys each have. So it doesn't count. Yeah, we do. You get a little pass.

That's right. So it doesn't count. Yeah. Daniel was like, hey, if you get pulled in by that tractor beam, you find yourself – what happens? You get just pulled in. He tells a joke and then before he gets the punchline, I was sucking his dick. That's what happened. He said he understood.

I mean – It wasn't going to come between us. You would have to be subhuman not to understand that. The sexuality is so radiant. So that happened. But other than that, no. I'd like to see like a husband and wife exchanging the list. And the husband's list is, you know, Scarlett Johansson.

Sure. I can't think of another attractive celebrity. Yeah. Kate Hudson. Kate Hudson. Yeah, Kate Hudson. Kate Hudson. Yeah, Kate Hudson. Kate Upton. Kate Upton, you know, so on and so forth.

Rosario Dawson. Let's keep naming babes. The woman's list is just one name and it's Frank from the newsstand. Sure. It's like, wait, this isn't a celebrity. Yeah, he's a local celebrity. People know him. He's out there. He's selling magazines.. People know him. He's out there.

He's selling magazines. He's selling books. He's selling gum. He's got that little room behind the newsstand. What room? How do you know about that room? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. Hi, my name is Justin McElroy.

And I'm Dr. Sydney McElroy. We host the medical history podcast, Sawbones, a tour of all the weird, stupid, terrible, horrifying, hilarious ways that we've tried to fix people over the years. If you haven't been listening to Sawbones, you've missed out on topics like... The seasick-proof saloon. The woman who gave birth to bunnies. The unkillable Phineas Gage. The true story of Typhoid Mary. Polio.

And you can check out Sawbones every Wednesday by going to iTunes or wherever podcasts are sold. They don't sell podcasts. I told you this. Or presented. Offered for free. It's free. What better selling point could there be than that? Every Wednesday, MaximumFun.org or wherever podcasts are offered at Sawbones.

Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Allison Rosen, lover of Chris Fairbanks. Get him, get him, get him! That's what I say, 2016! That can apply to your goals or Chris Fairbanks. Get him, get him, get him!

Do you think it's G-I-T apostrophe E-M? G-E-T apostrophe E-M. Exclamation point. Yeah. Three times. Yeah. You got that, Brian? Get them times three.

You working on that T-shirt right now? Yeah. Yeah, Brian's working on that T-shirt. By the end of this show, we're going to have a T-shirt. Can't wait to wear it and see it. Get them, get them, get them! Hey, when something momentous happens to you, like you come up with a fucking sweet-ass slogan for 2016,

well, you call and you tell us about it for our segment, Momentous Occasions. 206-984-4FUN. Put that in your fucking phone. And I'm not just talking about Rachel Sperling, who, by the way, has a new last name that I don't remember right now. Anyone can call.

Yeah. Not just Rachel. Not just Rachetacular. Others. Others can call yeah not just rachel not just rachetacular others others can call yeah i'm not just talking about super fans i'm talking about casual fans you're barely tolerating us right now if you came over from alice and rosen is your new best friend and you're like these guys aren't quite bad enough to ruin alice and rosen for But they're close. Then get in on it. You know, I think Lothreeper is a big Alison Rosen fan.

No. I mean, why wouldn't he be? Yeah. So, Lothreeper, let's take your calls. Like, could I call in right now from my phone? I mean, we wouldn't

play it on this program, but maybe on a future episode. Maybe with Chris Fairbanks. Sure. Let me know. Make a love connection. Mm- Chris Fairbanks. Sure. Let me know. Make a love connection. Break up your marriage. Wonderful.

Let's hear a call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, guests, everyone listening. My name is Sasha, and I'm an x-ray technician in New York. And for the past, I've been doing this for about five, six years. And as an x-ray tech, there's a question that comes up often when people find out you're an x-ray tech. What have you seen in somebody's butt? You've guessed the question already. It is,

have you ever x-rayed something found in someone's butt? Well, after numerous years, I can finally say yes. I can't go into all the details, but there was a young man involved, and there was a hairbrush with bristles removed involved, and my paperwork signed somewhere with the words, foreign object stuck in rectum. Mission accomplished.

Thanks, guys. Bye-bye. Now, he said, I can't reveal all the details. What are the other details? I feel like I know what went on. Yeah. Guy shoved a brush up his butt. Well, that young man was the Reverend Al Sharpton.

Wow. I know. Cool. Civil rights legend. Oh, that's amazing. Good for him. He was best friends with James Brown. That's amazing.

Congratulations to this guy. I mean, that's really great. It's really great. Because I bet as an x-ray technician, when you're at parties or kickball or wherever it is you're hanging out. Online dating. Online dating. Yeah, absolutely. When you're on that Tinder date, it's like,ball or wherever it is you're hanging out. Online dating. Online dating. Yeah, absolutely.

When you're on that Tinder date, it's like, oh, so what do you do? And you're making that chit chat. And x-ray technician comes up. I bet when people say, have you, I could see their eyes light up when they see, you know. Probably comes up even more when you're on a Grindr date. Sure. Absolutely. Probably put that in your Grindr profile, right?

I didn't mean to infer which app this guy was using. Tinder, Grindr, go for it. I'm not saying that he – I'm not saying which of them he's – Flickr, sure. If you're hooking up with someone's Flickr stream, you like – I'm not saying which one of him there is. I'm just saying odds are we're going to be more excited about it in a Grindr profile. So, yeah, I feel for this guy.

I can imagine what it's like to say, oh, I'm an x-ray technician, and you see that person's face light up, and they can't wait to hear all these ass stories that you got. Right. And then you not having them. In their head, they're thinking, ass tails, woo-hoo. Sure. You're just a walking disappointment.

He was, up to this point, just a walking disappointment. Just a fucking failure. Kind of a fraud, actually. A fraud. Yeah. A lie. Do you think this is one of those situations where you go to a for-profit college? This guy obviously went to a for-profit college.

Sure. You don't go- Phoenix Online University. Yeah. You don't go to UC Merced to become an x-ray technician. You go to something where Lil Romeo is promoting it in an advertisement on a bus. Sure. Okay?

And I'm not casting aspersions upon that. If it gets you a sweet-ass job as an x-ray technician, then it works. You know, there's some talk that those schools, those for-profit schools, mislead people into applying for financial aid that they cannot afford and that their jobs, they do not, you know, increase their income enough to cover the new costs. And so there's people suing these colleges. Do you think if you're an x-ray technician, you got your degree from DeVry and you haven't seen anything up anybody's butt, do you think that's grounds for a lawsuit? Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. An ass suit. Yeah. Yeah, I think so. So I don't know. I'm really happy for this guy. I'm glad he has his story. And I Yeah, I think so. So I don't know. I'm really happy for this guy. I'm glad he has his story.

And I hope for more to come. I hope for more exotic, more hilarious things to be inside butts. I just – I'm thinking about the guy who at one point had the hairbrush up his butt. And I'm thinking he trusted this x-ray technician to do whatever he did, position something and tell him to put this lead thing on and no, don't worry, you don't have to sit down. Remove the

bristles, potentially. We don't know at what point the bristles were removed. Bear down. And then, let's say he's listening to this show. This x-ray technician could have been Mike Ditka. You never know. You don't know.

You don't know. And he's listening to the show and he hears a story and he recognizes that it's his. I would think he would feel betrayed. Yeah. But, I mean, I don't think I would be able to figure out who this hairbrush guy was. And I don't think we're making fun of the guy. I mean, I think we, you know, if anything, applaud him for trying to expand his sexual boundaries.

He put the hairbrush in the wrong direction. Yeah. The point is it's got to have the flair. It's got to be at the bottom. If you're putting something in your butt for sexual gratification, you got to put the flair. You don't put the flair in first and then the skinny part in second. It's just going to go right up there.

Think of a shuttlecock. Sure. Exactly. Think about a shuttlecock. I do often. Yeah. So, I mean, I think we're with both. Our hearts are with both of these men.

Okay. Hairbrush guy. Yeah. We're glad that you're trying to expand your sexual horizons. And we're sorry that this happened to you. And we want to know whether you removed the bristles first or whether your butt removed the bristles in situ. We're curious about that. And x-ray technician guy, we're happy you got your story.

And we're happy you're doing such good work. So everybody wins. I guess everyone's a real winner here. in such good work. So, I guess everybody wins. I guess everyone's a real winner here. If Martin O'Malley, Okay.

the former governor of Maryland and Democratic presidential candidate, came in here right now, and he looked you two in the eyes and he said, I've removed the bristles from a hairbrush and it's in my butt right now.

Sure. Do you want to go get chicken balls? Yeah. That's my president. Yeah, that's my president. Yeah. That's my president. He looks like America. Refreshing.

Mm-hmm. How far in does the hairbrush have to go to get stuck? I'm thinking all brush. Yeah. There can't be even a little bit sticking out. Right. But, I mean, if it were only like an inch inch in you'd think you could just go fishing it out unless yeah it's like a um like a fishing lure hook kind of thing where it's like when you pulling it the wrong way is gonna i think this was a very severe situation i think that

something happened shit was getting out of control and uh next thing this guy knew he couldn't touch brush he's groping around back there where's the brush what am i gonna latch on to to yank this sucker out and he couldn't find anything and that's when he called our buddy who helped him out he was trying to take a new profile picture for farmersonly.com sure and he couldn't get anything to come out. Yeah. And all of a sudden, the subject has disappeared from the frame. All right, we don't have eyes on brush. Somebody call Flickr.com. You're going to get the situation under control. Picasso won't answer my calls.

And do you think he went in and was like, shit got cray. I'm down with the streets too. I happen to be brushing my internal hair. I fell into a shelf at the Rite Aid. My pants came off. Or did he just say, I've got a shelf at the Rite Aid. Right. My pants came off. Or did he just say, I've got a stomach ache. I've got a terrible stomach ache.

I don't know what's going on. I hope it might be a brush or something. I was drunk last night and I ate something. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, hard to say. I mean, there's probably – I can't imagine being in this guy's situation. I mean, I think you probably trust that the people who you're talking to are professionals and you can be candid with them.

But yeah, I mean maybe I bet a lot of these ass emergencies probably do have a lot of excuses that go with it. You know what my recommendation to somebody with a hairbrush in their butt looking to talk to a medical professional is? I say get him, get him, get him. Get him, get him, get him. You know what that means in this context? Get him times three. You walk up to that counter, you say, hi. I'll use myself as an example.

Hi, I'm Martin O'Malley. That's right. Hi, I'm former Maryland governor and Democratic presidential candidate, Martin O'Malley. I have my own Celtic rock band and I have a hairbrush in my rectum. It got there because I was excessively creative in my self-pleasure. See, because you weren't weird about it, I didn't feel weird about it. Exactly. You felt good about it, right? Yeah. It made me feel like, why am

I so uncreative in my sexual stuff? How can I help? You felt loose. You felt helpful. You felt like you were on island time. I did. Oh, we know Jimmy Buffett's had some shit up there. We know Jimmy Buffett's had some shit up there. Hey, man.

Brush out of my rectum? Pawn to replay. Puck, puck, puck. I have something lost in my butt, sir. Praise Ja. It's a small hand mirror. Why?

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. love you, love you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Allison Rosen, bombshell. That's a class you could teach. How to be a bombshell. Munitions.

Allison Rosen, of course, the host of the smash hit podcast, Allison Rosen is your new best friend. Just back from Bumper Shoes, the popular Seattle-based alternative rock and roll convention. Well, it was in September, but I'm going to say yes. I just got back. Probably headed out to tour the world. Show America what they've been missing by not listening. No. Show America what they've been missing by not listening. No.

Show America what they've come to love by listening. There you go. But lest there be someone in the crowd who hasn't listened, then I'll show them. I'm going to... It's dual purpose.

Celebrity interviews. It features that. April Richardson. That's right. Is an example of a celebrity. Gayle King. From CBS This Morning. Dr. Oz.

Dr. Phil. These are people who... I just had... Greg Barron, briefly, about 10 or 12 years ago. Anyone else people should look out for. Wait, I just had Greg Barron on. There you go. A recent appearance from Greg Barron.

That's right. That people can listen to. That's right. And I had Susie Meister on, and she actually has a PhD. So another doctor. There you go. It's a streak of doctors. There you go.

Also, it's a panel show, and Jordan's been on. I have been on. Jordan's been on a number of times. It's been a lot of fun. It's been a lot of fun. Everyone loves him. You know who loves that? Lothar Eber. Sure.

That's right. Jesse, you've got to come back, Jesse. I feel like we're due for a Jesse Thorne Monday show appearance. Yeah, it's weird. I haven't been on. I've never been on the panel. Never been impaneled on the program. Mm-mm.

No, but I still feel like you should come and be on the 101. One time I came on the show for an interview when you had more important things to do. I had to talk to Maria Menounos. Yeah. She's great. Love her. She's the best. Jordan?

Yeah. I hear you're going to be on the television program at midnight. I'm going to be on the television program at midnight. I don't know when you're listening to this. I think the program will air on Thursday. That's 121. But if you're in the L.A. area and you want to come see it taped live with other panelists, Aaron and Brian from Throwing Shade. They're two of the funniest people in the world.

How are you possibly going to defeat them? Oh, I'll lose. I'll lose embarrassingly. You know what I suggest you use? What? Hegemony. Tricks? I say you use hegemony.

Yeah. That's probably a good. You're talking about a woman and a homosexual. Yeah. You're a heterosexual white man. I think you can take them out. It's my legacy. Yeah.

So. Use your privilege. If you're in the area, the LA area, you want to come see us on 120. That's the month and day. It's an evening show, so you can be a person with a job and come to this thing. I think it starts around 7. Okay. Just Google At Midnight Tickets.

You'll probably get to some sort of website. On Camera Audiences, I think it is. They're free. It's a lot of fun. It's not that long. Come see the show. Maybe we'll do a little meetup or something after. Check the social media.

Yeah. And guess what? 2016 is all about get them, get them, get them. Yeah. So get them, get them, get them them. Get them them tickets. T-shirts. Yeah.

Oh, get us some T-shirts. Get them them tickets. And get some tickets. Smart money is going to want to come. And if you're not in the area, get them, get them, get them that preset for your DVR to watch it on Thursday night at midnight on Comedy Central. It should be a lot of fun. I think this t-shirt, this get them, get them, get them t-shirt, this is going to pop off like a limited edition joint. I think we're going to do one of those ordering periods.

Probably call it about a two-week ordering period. Nice. I think we'll do those full short tees. Sometimes people say, I wish I didn't miss out on those full short tees. Yeah, that's a problem, man. You blew your shit. Get one of these. Get them, get them, get them t-shirts.

MaxFontStore.com. It's nice because the slogan tells you what to do with the product. Yup. Smart. It's like, let's say that Cheez-Its, instead of being called Cheez-Its, they were called... Shove-a-mins. Mouth or butt. Or for a hairbrush.

Yeah. I was going to suggest... Shove-a-mins. Too many till you're sick, but yeah, either way. One or the other. It works. Yeah. We're in business.

Yeah. Allison Rosen, it's been a delight. Our producer outside the booth, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez, a married man. You know, so ladies, don't try him. Yeah. Don't try and give him an H.J. at the stock room. Yeah. It's for his wife to do.

Yeah. Exactly. I don't care if you're the news agent from The List. Yeah. You know what I mean? Nope. Remember from earlier? No.

The news agent, the guy who sells the newspapers and magazines. Oh, yeah. Frank. Sure, sure. Yeah, that's the one. Yeah, yeah. Thank you, Frank. I remember this imaginary man.

Right. Sure. I thought there was some show called The List that I don't watch. Yeah. I think there is a show called The List. Comes on after The View. Yeah. But it's all Latinas.

Yeah. This is The List. What's going on with Benjamin Bratt, they'll say. He turns out to be a really cool guy. Yeah. Anyway. Give us a call, syndicated television. We have an idea for you.

We'll be back next week on Jordan Jessica maximum fun dot org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported