Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 412: Middlebrow Forever

Episode Date: January 25, 2016

Jordan and Jesse go sans guest and have a discussion of Jordan's recent @Midnight appearance, Guy Fieri's participation in his own hashtag game, and the Cherry Poppin' Daddies' song Zoot Suit Riot.  Plus, Jesse explores his feelings about Shakespeare.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Welcome to the program, everyone. Every week on Jordan Jesse Goh, I get together with my friend Jordan. We pursue quixotic flights of fancy. That's giving us a lot of credit.

Comic circumlocutions. That's a nice way to say it. It's a really classy way. We're like a couple of Shakespearean mechanicals, Jordan. Yeah, I think so too. Is that where someone plays the wall? Malapropisms. Sure.

I think they play the chink. In the wall. You mean, right, the crack in the wall. Yeah. Yeahisms. Sure. I think they play the chink. In the wall. You mean, right, the crack in the wall. Yeah. Yeah. Not the ethnic slur. No. Apologies to anyone who instinctively recoiled when I said an ethnic slur that also has another meaning, which is used in Midsummer Night's Dream.

Jordan, can I ask you a serious question? I would love that. Well, I have two things I want to say. Three things. I'm going to say three things. So the third of them will be a serious question? I would love that. Well, I have two things that I want to say. Three things. I'm going to say three things. So the third of them will be the serious question. Okay. What are the two others going to be?

You'll find out, won't you? Okay. I mean, I'm prepped for one serious thing, so I'm embracing myself. But is there anything I can, you know, just something I can start? One inspirational thing. Okay. One congratulatory thing. Great.

And one serious thing. Okay. Except I forgot what the serious thing is. Okay. One congratulatory thing. Great. And one serious thing. Okay. Except I forgot what the serious thing is. Okay. Here's the first thing is. Inspirational. Inspirational. Hey, Jordan, it's 2016.

Mm-hmm. Get them, get them, get them. Oh, my gosh. I forgot. Yes, that's right. We need to get them, get them, get them. Get them, get them, get them, Jordan. It's our slogan for the year, as we figured out last week.

Shirts on sale now. Maxfundstore.com. Brian made a design literally while we were sitting there recording the show. It looks dope. Should you purchase them, purchase them, purchase them? Yeah, you should cop them. You should get them, get them, get them, Jordan. Maxfundstore.com.

Yeah. These are limited time only, so get on that. That's number one. Number two, I was lucky enough to go to Hollywood Center Studios here in Los Angeles. Sure, the home of Lucy herself. And see my friends Jordan Morris, Brian Safi, and Aaron Gibson. Brian and Aaron, of course, being the co-hosts of the hilarious podcast Throwing Shade. Cripplingly hilarious podcast Throwing Shade, cripplingly hilarious podcast Throwing Shade,

compete on television's hit program At Midnight with host Chris Hardwick. That's the one. Congratulations on your spectacular performance on the show. Thank you. I was in the audience busting a gut. Sure. Then, later, I watched again on television

and busted a gut again. Two guts. You can watch the extended, uncensored version of that program on ComedyCentral.com. I'm letting you know that, Jordan. Thank you, yeah. If you want to see. I'd love to bust a gut at myself. It was a great time.

I saw your sister, your mother. I met Brad. Oh, you met home. You met my stepdad, Brad. Yeah, I met your stepdad, Brad. That was nice. Yeah, I think my mom and Brad took off after the show. Oh, yeah. They were embarrassed.

Sure, yes, because of the humiliation. I'm assuming it was the long drive to Orange County, but it could be the disappointment that I am. Sure. Did you get a vibe from Brad? Was he having fun? Brad was happy to be there. I was not prepared for the fact that you had not, you, I knew a lot about Brad. In fact, so much, I knew so much about Brad that I felt like sometimes when someone introduces

themselves to you or me and they listen to the show and they say, I feel like I know so much about you, even though we've never met. I feel like because of my favorite podcast, Jordan, Jesse go. Sure. I know so much about you even though we've never met. I feel like because of my favorite podcast, Jordan Jesse Go, I know so much about Brad and his trombone playing, and yet I had never met him. Something funny about Brad. This might be a little too regional for everyone to appreciate, but I'll tell it and maybe I can give it some context.

Right. So Brad. Jordan, can I ask you a question about this? Please. appreciate but i i'll i'll tell it and maybe i can give it some context right so uh brad jordan can i ask you a question about this please uh this does involve the store that only sells glow in the dark stuff at the earth spectrum no apparently no this is not a part of the story at all it does involve the sword store at the spectrum the store where you go to buy swords yeah replica weapons from lord of the rings yeah uh harry potter what have you yeah you go to buy swords. Yeah. Replica weapons from Lord of the Rings. Yeah. Harry Potter, what have you. Yeah, you want to have a couple of those around the house for when you're doing bath salts.

Sure, yeah. In case anybody tries to fuck with your shit. Yeah. So Brad lives in Orange County and he's part of the big band scene. He has a day job in computers, but when the sun goes down, the suspenders come on, the spit valve gets emptied. I went home for Christmas. I went to visit them in Huntington Beach and we were watching on the like on one of those weird hd channels that people have yeah you know those that you know it's called like the sure they're all owned by mark cuban yeah it's called like the elysium network it's like something like some weird the avalon network like some strange thing uh we were watching camry

network uh we were watching an hd performance of uh b Brian Setzer's yearly Christmas show that he does. That sounds like a fun Christmas show. It's a lot of fun. And Brian Setzer has his signature rockabilly guitar, and he's backed by a big band. And every time they would cut to a member of the big band, Brad would tell me who that guy was and what he thought of him. Knew every guy in Brian Setzer's band. I was really impressed. Do you think at this point, like the more extended parts of a big band, like you're

not just your first chair horn players, but your second and third chair horn players and your flutists and your... You know what I mean? You know what I'm talking about. Not the ones who show up when they pay for eight people to be there, but the ones who show up when they pay for 14 or 18 people to be there.

Do you think those people are just pooled among the still working swing revival acts? Yeah. Do you think the Cherry Poppin' Daddies? Right. And, you know. Big Bad Voodoo Dad, any band that had daddy in their name.

Yeah. You think that they share those six people. They each has their own core of five. Right. Then they each share six people for when they get really good gigs. Yeah. I bet there's just, I bet there's a's a pool i mean i think you would have to be really really into the cherry poppin daddies to go like oh that's not their original touring trombonist so i bet you know you go you want to see the you know you want to see the vocalist he puts a nice spin on the solos though sure yeah adds a little... You know, Sure. I mean, but he had some really interesting time signatures.

Yeah. It's about the notes he's not playing during Zoot Suit Riot. Yeah. I am so... Can I tell you that I've been carrying, since the song Zoot Suit Riot, which was a hit for the Cherry Poppin' Daddies 20-some years ago or whatever, I have no problem with big band jazz music, nor do I have any problem with, actually, like, jump blues music, which is generally the kind of music that it's maybe a little closer to. You know, it's less Benny Goodman, a little more Louis Jordan, you know.

But I like that. I enjoy that music. And generally, the Swing revival, I saw as a positive thing. I mean, like, sure. Was it silly? Yeah. But, like, I like that. I enjoy that music. And generally, the Swing revival, I saw as a positive thing. I mean, like, sure. Was it silly? Yeah. But like, I like the outfits. You know, I like a lot of things about it.

But the fact that that hit song was called Zoot Suit Riot. Right. Is so amazing to me. You know, I think that is a, I mean, this doesn't change the audacity of it. But I think that it is a cover of a song from that era. Is it really? I think that is a – I mean this doesn't change the audacity of it. But I think that it is a cover of a song from that era. Is it really? I think it is. I mean this is something maybe Brian could figure out.

So I'm going to drop some context. Chicano teenagers and 20-somethings in Southern California especially in the early 1940s would wear zoot suits. And because of racism against them and also xenophobia, a combination of racism and xenophobia, there was this thing called the zoot suit riots, which essentially was a bunch of Navy guys and other service members who were on shore leave in Los Angeles basically led a mass lynching of Latino guys. I mean, they didn't mostly get killed. They mostly got beat up. But people did get killed, I think. But, like, I'm talking about, like, in one, I can't remember how long it was. It was a few days i think over one few day

period like hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of young chicano kids got the shit kicked out of them by service members and while the police just like watched and nodded right uh and that's a hit novelty song yeah sure that was on the radio after sublime for a while i mean it's like i'm sure that there's i'm sure that there's there I'm sure that there's songs that say, like, Let's Us Whites Go a-Lynchin' that were hits in 1945. You don't see them covering those. You know what I mean?

I mean, I guess I don't, I don't know that, I mean, and I don't specifically remember every lyric to this song, but I think it was, I don't know if it was pro, I mean, it's probably on the side of the Chicanos, I would guess. The song? Yeah. No, it's probably on the side of the Chicanos, I would guess. The song? Yeah.

No, it's about, it basically just uses the phrase. Right. It's like if I, it's like if there was a fashion craze in 2016. I think it was about the, I think it was like Strange Fruit. I think it was about the riots. I don't think it was about swing dancing. I think it was the story of that situation. Really?

Let's look at the lyrics. Okay. I don't know. I think it was, I don't think it was, you know, Zoot Suit Riot, Grab Your Girl, Lindy Hop. It was Zoot Suit Riot, Throw Back a Bottle of Beer, wasn't it? I think so. Let's see. And draw a comb through your coal black

hair? Have you ever, you've probably seen, you went to theater school you probably saw zoot suit right uh did i we i definitely read it in edward james almost yeah the movie of it is uh it's like one of those movies that's basically uh most that's like substantially a record direct recording of a play but it's really great it's totally great no. No, that's what the Zoot Suit Riots are. Okay. Okay, do you have it? Let's see. I have the Wikipedia Zoot Suit Riot song.

Okay, I Googled. Don't worry. I got it. I Googled Zoot Suit Riot lyrics. Okay. So I'm going to go to this shady lyrics website. Pipes and chains and swinging hands.

Who's your daddy? Yes, I am. Are we able to see? I think there was something like you know, it was about It's about the Zoot Suit Riots.

It actually is. But I do not I do not sense any explicit Sure.-zoot suit riots right like i guess that you could argue uh a whipped up jitterbug and brown-eyed man that's the latino guy a stray cat fronting up an eight-piece band cut me me Sammy and you'll understand in my veins hot music ran. You got me in a sway and I want to swing you dove.

Now you sailors know where your women come for love. Again, like you could say like, yeah, they're saying that the, this is from the perspective

of one of the Latinos. The Mexican and Mexican American guys are stealing their women. and so that's good. Right. But then again, that's also a justification for beating up Mexican and Mexican-American guys. Other than just regular old racism. Okay. Now, I want to hear your interpretation of this part.

Okay. You're in a zoot suit riot. You're in a zoot suit riot. You're in a zoot suit riot. Zoo, zoot zoot suit riot. You're in a zoot suit riot. Zoo, zoot, zee-oh. Zoo, zoot, za-zoo-zeh. Bleh, abayida. Zeh, zeh, zeh.

Zoo, zoot, zee-eh-oh. Zoo, zoot, za-zoo-zeh. Yep. Zeh, zoo. Zeh, zeh, zoo. Day, day, day. Well, I mean, I think what you are on is the lyrics page for the Esperanto version. I think I'm on the lyrics page for the fugue state version.

Right. After all the cherry poppin' daddies have a huffed paint. Right, after all the cherry poppin' daddies have huffed paint. When they have one of those verbal migraines where you can't form words. So brave of them to keep performing throughout those. Here's the thing. Okay. Nothing, I've looked through these lyrics. It definitely is actually about the Zoot Suit riots, which I did not know.

That's new information to me. None of this is clearly anti-Zoot Suit riots, which I did not know. That's new information to me. None of this is clearly anti-Zoot Suit riots. Right, sure. Like, it really just describes the situation. And then some scatting. Suggesting that it's fun. Sure. It's a riot. It's a real gas.

Yeah, yeah. Well, they're all dead now, the cherry popping daddies, so. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. yeah. Well, they're all dead now, the cherry popping daddies. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Long may they reign. Mm-hmm. Okay, so we've addressed the cherry popping daddies. Here's my serious question.

Okay, serious question. Oh, you know what? Can I, just before we move on from At Midnight. Yeah. I have a fun story about some of the fallout from that episode. Okay, why don't we start the next segment with the serious question. We'll close this I have a fun story about some of the fallout from that episode. Okay. Why don't we start the next segment with the serious question? We'll close this segment with this fun story.

That's great. So if you watch the program, you know that a regular feature of At Midnight is hashtag wars. That's where Cardwick gives a prompt for a pun or a joke premise, and then the comics give their answers, and then people are urged to play along on Twitter using the hashtag. For instance, if it was— You don't even have to have watched the program. Sure.

If you've used Twitter, this is probably the most successful social media campaign in television history. Well, I mean, there's been Show Us Your Arby's moment. Yeah, that's true. Probably the most successful social media campaign in television history. Well, I mean, there's been show us your Arby's moment. Yeah, that's true. Where everybody was showing off their Arby's moments. Yeah, that's true. When my first child was born, I just put that sandwich right down in there. Yeah, put the beef and cheddar by his little head.

Let the horsey sauce drip right on his soft spot. by his little head. Let the horsey sauce drip right on his soft spot. Yep. So, yes, this is the thing on Twitter that you might be annoyed by around 8.30 at night.

Right. So the hashtag for that episode was Guy Fieri movies. I think Guy Fieri is our, like, is our, like, favorite, you know,

just go-to thing to make fun of. Yeah. Well, he's absurd. Yeah. And he can take the punches. He's still on top of the pile. I think he has more than one TV show now.

I think he has several TV shows on the Food Network. And he's not sweating it in general? Yeah. He's just a really fun... And for some reason... You know, it's so tough to know what people will and won't get as a joke reference. People will and won't get as a joke reference. For instance, a couple of people have tried to make making a murderer jokes on at midnight met with complete silence.

And I think it's one of those things that like. Sure. Your media elites. Right. Exactly. Making a murderer. Hamilton. Also, people want to make all these Hamilton jokes on it. It's like none of these people have know what hamilton is um but for some reason you can just make a joke about guy fieri

and people will go nuts so he's uh he's a tried and true joke target yeah um so we did guy fieri movies adding some guy fieri shit into the title of the movie. Guess who loved Guy Fieri movies? Oh, God. Okay. My first thought is Nigella Lawson. Well, she loves the hashtag wars, Nigella Lawson. Guy Fieri loved it. Can't you see Nigella Lawson doing a couple bumps?

Yeah. You know, late at night. Right. She gets pumped up and starts writing. It's logged on. Yeah, yeah. We did it in honor of his birthday, and his tweet was, imagine, you know, I was so stoked to wake up to see Guy Fieri movies trending.

Yeah. And then he did a bunch of them himself, and he retweeted a bunch of people. A lot of celebrity chefs did it. Man, I like this guy more and more every time I interact with something he does. He's best friends with Smash Mouth. There you go. They wrote a cookbook together, or he wrote the foreword to their cookbook. Something like that.

They collaborated on a cookbook. I think they had a hard-boiled egg eating contest. Is that? Yeah, there was also a hard-boiled egg eating contest. Right. In San Jose. I went to his restaurant in New York and really liked it. Thought the food was really good. I guess I like this guy now. I went to his restaurant in New York and really liked it. Thought the food was really good.

I guess I like this guy now. I'm now. You went to the one in Times Square? I did. The one that got the famously bad New York Times review. That guy was on Fresh Air the other day. The New York Times restaurant critic. He did another viral slam recently.

Yeah, of Per Se. Okay. Yeah, he slammed Per Se, the legendary Thomas Keller restaurant in New York. He gave it two stars. Downgraded it from four to two stars. Yeah, he slammed Per Se, the legendary Thomas Keller restaurant in New York. He gave it two stars. Downgraded it from four to two stars. Oh, my. There weren't enough dip in sauces? He was explaining how much he loves Guy Fieri style food and how much he likes Guy Fieri as a television personality.

And he was just disappointed with the food at that restaurant. Okay. Sorry, New York Times restaurant critic. I call bullshit. Yeah. There seems to be a... Nope, not buying it. Yeah.

You are probably an unpleasant snob. Yep. Yeah, I mean, I think there's the backlash to that of like... He might be a pleasant snob. He might be a pleasant snob. But yeah, it seems like those takedowns are, you know, you can kind of see the, I don't know, classism in them. Yeah, sure.

But yeah. Certainly in their viral explosions. Yeah, yeah. I think when they are shared with ha-ha-ha, you can see the – can you believe the pores are into this? Oh, you pores. But yeah, I went and legitimately liked the food so you know what i i i don't know i i feel differently about guy fieri now than i did last week i want to know how they feel about guy fieri in santa rosa no is that where he's from yeah my mom teaches

at santa rosa junior college uh-huh and has for oh for decades now. That's where his flagship restaurant Ass Full of Garlic is, right? Yeah. Is that what it's called? Is that what it's called? It has garlic in the name. It might be Ass Load of Garlic. Ass Load of Garlic? Johnny Garlics. Yeah, that sounds almost the same

as Ass Load of Garlic. Same deal. Yeah, I bet he's a local hero. Did he come up with any good lines? Let's see. Oh, let me see. How about this? How about I check Guy Fieri's Twitter.

Yeah. We come back from the segment. Yeah. I'll lay down some hashtag Guy Fieri movies. Yeah. And you can tell me the serious thing. Okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, They're audio programs that tell smart stories in innovative ways using editing techniques like this.

Like this. Like this. But let's face it, all that smart stuff can be exhausting. That's where Stop Podcasting Yourself comes in. It's so stupid. It's just two stupid dinguses being dumb idiot jerks for 90 minutes. Stop Podcasting Yourself. The stupid show that smart people love.

Find it on iTunes. Or MaximumFun.org. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, the voice of the millennial generation. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, the voice of the millennial generation. Jordan Morris, boy detective. So, Jordan, what is Guy Fieri's contributions to Guy Fieri movies?

There's a lot of them, which is a little tacky. Yeah. By the way, I know that you're becoming a guy who likes Guy Fieri. I heard through the show business rumor mill, I know someone who works in that part of the show business, in the food network part of the show business industry, and they said something really bad about him, which was that he kind of like forced the people who created Diners, Dive-ins, and dives out of the show

because when he became a star after the first season that he did of the show. Gotcha. Started swinging that greasy dick of his around. Exactly. And pushed out the people who had actually created and molded the show and turned him into a star. Well, showbiz machinations aside. I don't know if that's true.

I just heard about that. Go ahead. All I know is these hilarious guy fearing. Well, okay. A couple things. Yeah. He did a lot of them, which I think, you know, you and I both follow a lot of comics on Twitter. And when people get too into a hashtag game, you know, at midnight, sanctioned or otherwise. You kind of feel like give it a rest.

So here it is. Silence of the Lambshanks, Forest Gumbo, Natural Born Grillers, Into the Deep Dish, Ferris Bueller's Cook-Off, The Codfather, Wet Hot American Sunchoke. These are just foods. Right. This could just be called food movies. Exactly. And we've done that and it was hilarious.

Nobody. So Guy Fieri lacks the essential self-awareness to recognize that what's important about this joke is that you have to do Guy Fieri specific things. Something that is. He's unable to recognize within himself his own essential fieriosity. I think so. Yeah. He is just putting food. I mean, I don't know if Guy Fieri makes a good sun choke or not, but I don't think you associate him with sun chokes.

I'm thinking back, and I think Aaron Gibson's joke was something like, how many shades of gray are there? 50. 50 shades of blonde on my head. Yeah, yeah. Something like that. That was pretty funny. See, it recognizes that one of the distinctive parts about him is his frosted tips. You know, the food, he reached, Food Network did one.

He said, everybody's getting in on this. Even the network that employs me. They did Under the Tuscan Sunglasses, which seems closer than anything he did. Under the Tuscan Sunglasses, because he's known for his sunglasses. Sure, yeah. His dumb sports sunglasses from 1995.

His Oakleys that are on the back of his head. So, okay, well, maybe I was too quick to flip completely on guy fieri i do like his good attitude about this but uh sometimes sometimes i like people less when they have a good attitude about things i think we give people too much credit for having good attitudes about things oh yeah i'd rather see people stand their ground and fight okay you know what I mean? You think he should have gone to the mat?

Yeah, like, I feel like... You think he should have sued? So what? Hillary Clinton went on Saturday Night Live and someone did an impression of her to her face. And then she walked behind them.

She snuck up behind them while they were doing the impression. Yeah, like, so what? You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, that's not anything. Hmm.

I don't know. I feel like the ability to laugh at oneself is overrated. You think people should be more serious about themselves? Yeah. Stand behind your shit. Hmm. You like those sunglasses? Fucking tell us why.

Yeah. They're dumb sunglasses, Guy Fieri. I don't know. I have no personal animus towards Guy Fieri. He never did nothing to me. Mm-hmm. I don't know. I have no personal animus towards Guy Fieri. He never did nothing to me. I'm just saying, I'd like it better. If, here's the line I'm going to draw. Right.

If you're John McCain and you're legit kind of funny, like not that John McCain's the funniest guy in the world. Sure. But for a the world. Sure. But for a presidential candidate, yeah. Mm-hmm. I will give you points for being funny. Mm-hmm. And if you can laugh about yourself, great.

Yeah. But I don't think you get points just for showing up. Right. For being around when a funny thing is happening. Yeah. Okay. Like the president. The president can deliver a joke.

Sure. And I think that's neat. Sure. You know what I mean? Like when President Barack Obama tells a joke and he does a great job of it. Yeah. I'm always like, I'm glad the president can tell a joke. He's got a little bit of timing.

Yeah. Yeah. But I, yeah, I don't. Okay, but you think being around when jokes are happening is. Yeah, just showing up when someone's making a joke about you. Sure. If any of those had been funny at all. Right.

Or recognized how that game's supposed to work. Right. And if they hadn't just been written by a social media consultant. Yeah, yeah. You don't think Guy Fieri wrote those by himself? No, I think that's the work of a hilarious intern. I think there's a 19-year-old writing Silence of the Lambshanks. I think Guy Fieri probably

runs his own social media, don't you? Yeah, Guy Fieri and Donald Trump. I mean, he's got somebody to take extra pictures for Instagram and stuff. Oh, sure. Yeah. Let's see. So you have a serious thing. Yeah. How do you feel about Shakespeare? How do I feel about Shakespeare? And by the way, there's this tiny part of me that thinks we may have had this discussion on the show

before, but it's important to me. It came up naturally and none of us, all of us think that it probably isn't something we discussed. Okay. Yeah. Uh, yeah, I have no strong feelings about Shakespeare. I did something fun in college that I really liked called Shakespeare to go, strong feelings about Shakespeare. I did something fun in college that I really liked called Shakespeare to Go, where we did a little truncated version of Mary Wives of Windsor. Oh, that's where you found that piece of paper that said,

Ticket for a Funny Story Starting in Five Minutes. Yeah, yeah. I sent that in to Found Magazine. It's in one of the Found Magazine anthologies. I feel very good about that. It was on the floor of an elementary school. A child had written Ticket to Funny Story Starting in Five Minutes. One of the highlights of my life school, a child had written, Ticket to Funny Story, starting in five minutes. Yeah.

One of the highlights of my life. I can – I mean, Jordan, this is – we were in college 12, 13 years ago. Sure. And we're still talking about this Ticket to Funny Story. I didn't even find this. I was not even there. Sure. I never even saw the actual thing.

I just remember you telling me that you had found this and it's stuck in my head for 13 years. Sure. I forget my children's names all the time. You just call them Ticket to Funny Story. Yeah, exactly. And the other one, Five Minutes. I call them both Davy Rothbart.

Ah, sure. Yeah. Yeah, I like- It works out because I named them both after Davy Rothbart, the editor of Found Magazine. Yeah, so that was kind of fun. We would pile in a kind of a shitty university van. We would drive out to your app tosses. Was this a school program?

Were you getting credit for this? It was, yeah, yeah. Was it a class? It was a class, yeah. Shakespeare to go. And then we would do a truncated Little Merry Wives of Windsor for like kids and some early teens. What happens in The Merry Wives of Windsor? I haven't seen that.

Some rich women decide to play a joke on their husbands about guys they've fucked. And then there's a fat guy. Falstaff is in this one. And then they put horns on his head and laugh at him. One of those. It's a riot. If they put horns on his head, does that mean that he's been cuckolded? He's been cuckolded.

Yeah, he wears the cuckold's horns. Oh. Yeah. That does sound pretty funny. It's a hoot. You mentioned it. I know, right? And I think the secret.

I didn't know Shakespeare was into cuck stuff. Oh, yeah. Shakespeare loved it. I know, right? And I think the secret- I didn't know Shakespeare was into cuck stuff. Oh, yeah. Shakespeare loved it. Shakespeare loved to watch Mrs. Shakespeare get railed by a couple of groundlings. I didn't even know Pornhub existed then. Oh, yeah. It was called Yee Pornhub. Okay.

And porn had an extra E in it. But, yeah, it was what we know now as Pornhub. It was, you know, its genesis is in Shakespeare's times. Right. And it also plays at the Globe Theater. Got it. And people would throw fruit. Yeah, yeah.

Got it. The original title was The Merry Milfs of Winter. But the folio got messed up. Yeah, so I have fond memories of that. It was strange because we – the way to get kids to like it is to punctuate any kind of like bawdy joke with a lot of like humping. have been okay, but I think the administrator's feeling was that they're doing Shakespeare so it's okay for these 19-year-olds

to be air-humping in our multi-purpose room because they're learning. For what age of children are you talking about? Boy, it really ran the gamut. It was some younger elementary, maybe like fourth graders, but we also did it at a couple of high schools too. Wow. That's a broad range of targets to shoot at.

It is, yeah. I mean, humping's your main thing that you're going to want to do. Yeah, and I think everybody really enjoyed the humping. You know, a little of the old... Yeah. Yeah, a little of the old... But that's like the best Shakespeare memory that I have. I remember in high school having to listen to, if I wanted to be around girls,

having to listen to the soundtrack to the Baz Luhrmann, Romeo and Juliet. Jesus Christ, I saw that in the movie theater. Which is pretty cardigans heavy, if I remember it correctly. Oh, boy. That guy's making a TV show about rap music. Oh, who better? I know.

Who better? Jesus Christ. Yeah, so that I don't like. So I don't like that Shakespeare thing that I remember. Yeah, it's, you know, not something I like. I don't go to see like a Shakespeare in the park. We took that Shakespeare class in college together. Oh, that was fun.

With Professor Casey Muhammad. Sure. He was great. Yeah. I didn't like the class though because I don't like Shakespeare so much. Sure. Yeah. So I would say that I have, you know, I'm ambivalent towards Shakespeare, some fond memories, some negative ones, not something I seek out in my... But I mean, you can't say I like Shakespeare because I had fun with a bunch of other 19 year olds in a van. Sure. Like, that's like, I mean,

with a bunch of other 19-year-olds in a van. Sure. Like, that's like, I mean, you could have been in a cult with four other 19-year-olds traveling from school to school trying to get them to pledge their souls to Xenu or whatever. Sure. And it would have been a fucking blast, and you wouldn't look back on it and say, like, oh, you know, I kind of like that cult.

You know what? Yeah, pretty good cult. You were just horny. Yeah, that's true. And excitable. I wanted an outlet. You know what? Yeah. Pretty good cult. You were just horny. Yeah, that's true. And excitable. I wanted an outlet for my humping. Yeah. I wanted an excuse to hump on a weekday.

I don't know. I feel like when I was in middle school, we had a school trip to the – I've addressed the fact that I went to an absurdly ritzy middle school before. the fact that I went to an absurdly ritzy middle school before. But one of the absurdly ritzy elements of this middle school, which I attended as a scholarship student, I'll emphasize, was a trip to the Oregon Shakespeare

Festival. Oh, neat. In Ashland, Oregon. The Oregon Shakespeare Festival, one of the most, maybe the most renowned Shakespeare Festival in the United States. Very high quality productions there. They even have built a reproduction of the Globe Theater in Ashland, Oregon. It was a very beautiful town, by the way.

It convinced me, like you go, you're supposed to go as like a 12 and 13 year old to things like this to give you a taste for the theater, you know, to give you a taste for, and I saw August Wilson's Joe Turner's Come and Gone there. And it was like mind blowing to me. I was like, wow, this is the true power of live theater. This is totally amazing. But I saw like Antony and Cleopatra. Antony and Cleopatra is so fucking boring.

Sure. Like I can, I literally cannot imagine anything more boring than the, like, four hours I spent outdoors as a 13-year-old watching Antony and Cleopatra. Yeah, and wasn't the thing about those old, all those old histories was that, like, they had an ancient story and it was supposed to be an allegory for the politics of that time. Yeah. So I'm sure, you know, whatever Antony and Cleopatra were doing had some sort of resonance with- With the Tudors. Right.

Yeah. They're like, oh, I see this in our current political system. So yeah, I know. The only Shakespeare thing I've ever enjoyed in my entire life is I did kind of like Kenneth Branagh's version of Much Ado About Nothing. Okay. I don't know. I just found it to be pleasant.

Yeah. Kenneth Branagh's version of Much Ado About Nothing. Okay. I don't know. I just found it to be pleasant. Yeah. I bet if I watched that one with that Buffy the Vampire Slayer made. Oh, sure.

Yeah, Joss Whedon. Yeah, that's got the guy from Firefly in it, right? Sure, yeah. That guy's fun in anything. Yeah. I like that. That guy's great. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I would almost watch Castle.

Sure. Well. I mean, probably not. I bet if you were in a hotel room. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I would almost watch Castle. Sure. Well. I mean, probably not. I bet if you were in a hotel room. Yeah, exactly. And you had to kill a little time. I'd just be like, what? That guy, he's great.

Hey, let's watch Castle. What's that guy called? What's Castle up to? Nathan Fillion. Nathan Fillion. That guy's a blast. Sure. He's charming and handsome and funny.

Yeah. I mean, I think as a goofy drama kid in high school, we did some Shakespeare stuff. We went to see some Shakespeare things like the South Coast Repertory and we went to see the four-hour Kenneth Branagh Hamlet. And yeah, I think we were all pretending to like it. I don't think any of us actually liked it. But I think when you are being a goofy high school student, like carrying around a tattered copy of the sonnets, it's a pretty important part of being a goofy high school student. So I think it's good for that. That's true. That's very true.

Here's the thing. I find the serious ones spectacularly boring. Sure. Like once in a while something will break through but like they might as well just be reading like in order for me to enjoy it at all right the person has to be so good that they might even though they're reading the greatest writing of all time and i legitimately believe that it's a you know they're the fact that it's even that that you would don't just shoot yourself immediately 600 years later is evidence that it's the greatest thing ever.

But I think like the serious ones are so boring that in order to get any amount of compellingness into them, the acting has to be so sort of indicative and amazing. Sure. And amazing that they might as well just be reading the copy on the back of a Grape Nuts box about how they've added protein to the Grape Nuts. It doesn't matter what the words are. They're just doing it. They're like basically at that point miming to you. But if they're so good at miming that it's compelling, then it might work a little. And then the funny ones, fuck the funny ones. Because here's what they do that's funny in them.

Sure. Okay. Jokes that were funny 600 years ago. Some racist jokes. Yeah. Where there's two categories of response. One of the categories of response is you're not laughing because you're not from 600 years ago. Sure.

The other is you are laughing because you're proving that you looked up what people from 600 years ago thought about something or knew about something. It's a presentational laugh. Then the other categories of laughing are humping, farting. Sure. Just like the only universal laughing things. They're not especially well executed yeah i don't know i don't know i think i think the fact that i was

i think the fact that you know both of us were theater dorks in high school sure but i think the fact that my theater dorkery was so much more committed, like the process of my theater dorkery, because I was doing theater three, four, five hours a day every day. It gave me more room to not have to demonstrate it like it was assumed that I was a theater dork. You know what I mean? Like I didn't have to do any of the signposts of theater dork. Sure, you didn't have to go see the Madonna Evita. Yeah, exactly.

Although we did see Phantom of the Opera like three times. I also hate Phantom of the Opera. Sure, yeah. That is also a pile of garbage. Yeah, so what's this? So you seem conflicted about this Shakespeare thing. Do you feel like you should be seeing it more

and you aren't? Well, it's the greatest. Why are you yelling? Because it upsets me. It tears me up. So the thing that gets to me about it is that my objective mind can look at this and say, can look at this and say, there's literally nothing else that is more than 80 or 90 years old that's even watchable.

I don't think any movies from the 80s are funny. Exactly. Yeah. I watched Crocodile Dundee the other day, and I just stared at the screen slightly confused the entire time. Yeah. Boy, yeah. Humor just dies so quickly after it's made,

I think, for the most part. Like, if you think about how boring it is to watch a Marx Brothers movie now, and I'm not saying that it's exclusively boring. There's still a lot of great jokes that you can laugh at. Totally. But that's literally the funniest thing ever created.

Or at least the funniest thing created in the 20th century. Sure. So, I can look at this thing that's 600 years old or whatever it is and I can say to myself this has fascinated everyone for 600 years.

Everyone in the know for 600 years. It must be meritorious. Sure. It moves people I know and respect to tears of laughter or sadness with astonishing regularity. Sure. So it must be, you know, like QED, it's the greatest thing ever written in the English language. Sure. I'm totally willing to accept that.

So resolving that versus I fucking cannot stand it. Sure. Outside of that one Kenneth Branagh. Much Ado About Nothing. Much Ado About Nothing, which I did find. And maybe the one with Castle would be pretty good. Yeah. Exactly.

Which is also Much Ado About Nothing. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think here's here's what you've got in your corner here i think when when the when the kids are old enough

when the kids get to be i don't know six or seven or something yeah you can take them to a shakespeare in the park uh-huh and poison it for them for their entire life. And you can, you can, you know, you are there not to be entertained, but to give your children something. Cause I do think like, I do, I do agree with you. I wouldn't want to watch it myself, but I do think it's good for kids to be exposed to it. I do think it's good to know about it. And I do like look at the, they're not exposed to it.

They're not going to oxidize properly. Sure. Yeah, exactly. So I think you can, you know, once or twice a year, go there and appreciate it. You're not there to be entertained. You're there to, you know, bestow a value on your kids. I'm just there to put in my annual hours as an upper middle class white person. There you go.

You think about it. You analyze it. You have a little cheese and crackers. And then you've dealt with Shakespeare, but it wasn't in place of doing something more entertaining. Should I be reading classic literature? Oh, boy. Yeah, that's one I have a tough time with, too. When I'm reading, I don't automatically go back and read, like, The Brothers Karamazov.

Like, let's be clear. While among the two of us, I am the one with the NPR show. Sure. You are the one who more deeply appreciates literature. Yeah, I don't know. I think that's true. Okay. You like literature more than most people.

Sure. I do like to read a lot. You're a legitimate consumer of literature for fun. You were a literature major in college. I mean, you're not Joe Literature. No, hey, I'm not Joe. No, Joe. Hey, people will shout Joe Literature at me, and I will turn around, but I'll correct them.

Yeah. I'm like, listen. You know that's how you're seen. You have the wrong idea about me. Right. Yeah. You understand how you're perceived. You're self-aware. You're no Guy Fieri. Sure, listen. You know that's how you're seen. You have the wrong idea about me. Right. Yeah. You understand how you're perceived. You're self-aware.

You're no Guy Fieri. Sure, exactly. But how do you feel about, because I know you mostly read contemporary literature. Sure. I hear you talking about a great book that you read recently. It's usually a contemporary novel. Yeah. I mean, you know, I feel like I, you know, I will go back and read.

Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. You know, I also don't go back and read classic things. I just don't think I'll enjoy it. Yeah. Yeah. It's because I don't have a paper or something to write about it. Yeah.

I didn't even read it when I had a paper to write about it. Sure. I would like read a little bit of it and be like, oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah. You know, pick out some sentences to quote from throughout this text and be done with it i do think i don't know i do think that you know the the you can do as much thinking about a contemporary book as you can about a classic russian hobbledy who i think there's limits like statutory limits on the amount of thinking you're allowed to do about a contemporary book. Right, exactly. If you do too much thinking, you have to.

If it's in copyright still. Sure, that's true. I think it's the date, the death of the author plus 75 years and then you have unlimited thinking time. Yeah. I mean, I do think some people do legit get a lot out of going back and reading, you know, I don't know, what's it, was it War and Peace or something like that? Yeah.

My wife read Anna Karenina. Oh, yeah? I read that in college. Did you read the whole thing? I did, yeah. I tried to read The Brothers Karamazov in high school because I was supposed to read it for school. Mm-hmm. I wanted to tear my face off.

Yeah, sure. Like 10 pages in, I wanted to tear my fucking face off. Oh, pages in it's a snooze I wanted to tear my fucking face off oh yeah and your teachers will tell you that it's funny

you're just like what this is this is a fucking nightmare reading this yeah one sentence is more than

I want to read yeah I just looked at this entire sentence and I need to go back to the beginning of the sentence right

yeah I mean I think I have high levels of reading comprehension um yeah i mean i think just the thing is to like you know if you know you're a smart person and you know you're thinking about the thing you're consuming whether it's a you know whether it's a american pickers primarily american pickers or or what have you. Yeah, I mean, I think as long as you're a thoughtful person, you shouldn't have to, you know, stress out that you're not consuming enough of the hoity-toity. Let me ask you this. Sure. What if you have your own NPR show?

Yeah. I feel like I'm disappointing all of America's coastal elitist snobs and aspiring and Midwestern aspiring coastal elitist snobs. Right. Anytime I don't know something about Dickens. When are you, when does that come up? Have you manufactured a false coastal elite man in your head? Yeah. That comes up to you at a function.

And he threatens me. He comes up behind me in his Volvo, puts it in neutral, and revs the engine. Yeah. And I look over my shoulder. Does it come up? When was the last time you felt like you weren't well-read enough for somebody's liking? I don't know. Anytime I hang out with Hodgman, you know Hodgman likes real books.

Sure. That's a problem. So he always does. Does he try and engage you about. He's also super into Dune, so. Sure. That's like a comfort to me. Yeah.

You know, at least I'm not into Dune. I mean, God bless Dune. I'm sure Dune's great if you're into that kind of thing. Yeah. It's like the greatest thing of that type of thing there ever was, right? I guess. I don't know. I watched the David Lynch movie and kind of liked it. It was a

real coked out mess. It's great. Yeah. I think here's the thing. My mom is an academic. And when I

was in high school and college, when I was in college, this guy lived at our house named Jean-Paul. Now, Jean-Paul was and is the greatest guy. He was maybe three or four years older than me. I don't know. He's a little older than me, I think. But he had been my mom's junior college student because he had failed out of high school.

But he went on to get an A in every class he ever took starting in college. Yeah. He was like valedictorian of UC Berkeley after he transferred from Santa Rosa Junior College. Right. And an incandescent genius. He's some kind of college professor now. Sure. Some elite university. They would have these conversations about books that I had not read. Mm-hmm. Your M.M. Bakhtin's and whatnot. Sure. Some elite university. They would have these conversations about books

that I had not read. Your M.M. Bakhtin's and whatnot. Right. Your Walter Benjamin's. And I always think like huh. Am I supposed to

enjoy reading a book like that? Yeah. Like I can barely – like I only am able to enjoy David Foster Wallace's pieces written for major mainstream magazines. Sure. His Esquire work. Yeah. Exactly.

Like, oh, sure. Do I enjoy a David Foster Wallace essay written for Esquire? Absolutely. Right. But do I get lost and bored in a sentence in one of his more, quote, unquote, serious essays? Two-page sentence, yeah. Yeah, then yes. Yes, the truth is yes.

Two-page punctuation-free sentence. I feel guilty about it, and I wonder if my childhood resentment of teachers' expectations of me... Soured you on something that could be bringing you a lot of joy. That could be bringing immense joy, like I'm only living on the surface of life. Yeah. I could be digging deep into life's greatest art. Sure. But instead, I'm just watching season five of The Simpsons again. Well, I mean, if we're talking about the greatest art ever produced, it's up there, right?

Oh, my cans. Oh, my cans. Yeah. That's what that old prospector in a union suit says. And they shoot his precious auntie dance. I hate it when the waffles stick together. That's what good waffles do. A lot of funny stuff in that episode.

Remember when Garrison Keillor's on the TV? Stupid TV, be more funny. Yeah. That is really good. Well, yeah, I do wonder sometimes if my childhood traumas around education. Sure. And my consistent disappointment of my teacher's expectations of me ruined me on the world's greatest works of art and literature because i get in i get a few pages and i just go off fuck this do you do you feel like you do you know take in stuff that

stimulates your brain and imagination and what have you on a regular basis? No. Hmm. Maybe. Yeah? Do I? I don't know. I'm asking you. I mean, I mostly just like jokes and rap music. Sure. I like other things, too. Sure. I like art museums, okay.

There you go. That's a pretty serious thing that I like pretty good. That's a very serious thing. I do like art museums. I mean, I guess I worry about your children, Jesse. Like art museums. I mean, I guess I worry about your children, Jesse. No, I mean, I think you can get in that stuff under the guise of let's show it to the kids and see what they think.

Yeah. I think it's important to give the kids options. Like, you know, it's good that— What's like four things that you think? When my children are eight or nine. Right. Do a Shakespeare in the Park. Okay. Do a—go to see a Gustavo Dudamel.

Go to like a classical music thing. Here's another thing. Sure. I worked at the symphony and the opera in high school. And also because I went to an arts high school, we always got free tickets. So whenever there was unsold tickets, they would just offer it to kids at art. So I probably went to the symphony in high school 20 times and the opera 10 times yeah and then i also worked backstage at both of them

and i just resented it the whole time i just resent we went to see a lot of classical music too when i was a kid and i did not like it but when i can know a little something about classical music it feels real good the part of me, what I wonder is, is it stuff that I can like now that I'm old? Oh, do you think you can re-like it? Now that I'm an old dad, Sure. is that part of, like,

my brain has slowed down enough that I could just listen to classical music, because I do like jazz music now. There you go. That's some pretentious bullshit that I enjoy. Like I've been listening maybe the last few years

to more and more jazz music and actually enjoying it. Yeah. I think, yeah, I think revisit this shit with the kids.

Okay, so wait, Gustavo Dudamel, Shakespeare in the Park. Yeah. Uh, a science thing. A science thing? Yeah. Well, everybody in the Park. Yeah. Got two more here. A science thing. A science thing?

Yeah. Well, everybody likes the science museum because they got those fun experiments. Yeah, those are really fun. I mean, my son, the other day, he poured the vinegar into the baking soda at school. Blew his fucking mind. Yeah, right? Destroyed his mind. Sure.

The thing about science is it's a bait and switch. Sure. You think that experiments are about exploding stuff or like... No, it's a long math problem. Or, yeah. It's doing a long math problem. Or just sitting there while something happens and checking one box or the other for months on end. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, my childhood fantasy job was paleontologist. Uh-huh. Dinosaur bone finder. Yeah. And I thought what you did was you put on cool shorts. Right. A cool hat. Like action shorts.

Like action shorts, a floppy hat that had claws in the band. A sport coat with an action back, maybe. I can't even picture that. Well, that's where I'm at right now. I'm literally wrecked over the prospect of having a sport coat with an action back. And I thought you just went out with like a shovel and you just dug around

until you found an entire dinosaur skeleton. Right. And it would be right there. Right. It would just be right there after you dug for a couple hours. Yeah, in Africa or wherever.

Yeah, but then like, you know, I mean, you'd have to spend a few minutes with the toothbrush. Oh, sure. Or paintbrush, you know.

You're no fool. You've seen, you've seen, you'd seen Nova or whatever. Oh, totally. So, yeah. But then upon learning how boring paleontology is, it was pretty upsetting. You were out.

I was out. Okay. So we got three things so far. Gustavo Dudamel, Shakespeare in the Park, Science Museum. And then just like a classic porno theater. I mean, everything's online these days. Like the Tiki Room? Yeah. I feel like it's called the Tiki Room.

Oh, man. Like Hollywood Boulevard or something. Yeah, boy, I have seen that place. I don't think I will ever get curious enough to go in, but I wonder what's going on in the Tiki Room. Probably just animatronic birds. Guys are jerking it too. I think that's where Fred Willard got caught. Really?

Yeah. Yeah, kind of makes you want to go a little bit more, doesn't it? It's good enough for Fred Willard. Yeah. Fred Willard can crank it there. Who am I to say that's not the place for me to crank it crank it up yeah uh so yeah i think those are the four things just like take them to experience you know like these you

know it's just about the you know now when you go on to porn hub it's just about the you know the f and the s but you, these movies have stories. There was a guy on my... You care about why they're F-ing and S-ing. There was a guy on my hall my freshman year of college. And this is just... I had not thought about this in a long time. He was kind of a...

You know, he was kind of a... A little socially awkward, a little bit of a... Sure. And, I mean, not that we all aren't at the age of 19. Sure, yeah. Notably so. And I remember one day we were talking about something, and he volunteered that he had lost his virginity to a Tijuana prostitute.

Oh, my. That his father had taken him to. Oof, boy. That's some dark shit. Yeah, totally. Totally. But anyway, I'll think about the tiki room thing for my kids. Yeah, sure.

But I'll wait until they're eight or nine. Eight or nine, yeah. I mean, they're not old enough yet. They'll probably get antsy. Yeah. They'll have to take them out in the lobby. Right. But yeah, I think you have a great you have a, you have a great window

into revisiting this stuff that you think is boring. Do you think that now that I'm old, my taste will change enough that I could just sit there and read a boring book and get a lot out of it

because it's so good? I don't know. I, you know, I wonder, I wonder too about like revisiting, you know,

big, important white guy novels, which I do not love. I don't know. I don't know. I would guess no. I bet our audience has some perspective on this. Sure.

I think they'll share it on the Reddit. Mm-hmm. That'll inspire me. Yeah. What would you like to, if you could pick one of these things that are, you know, that you find amiable but not fun to ingest, what would it be? Would it be Shakespeare? Would you say, like, I'm going this? There's a few options.

I know my mom's, one of my mom's best friends and her husband, who I like very much, are obsessed with the opera. And they are just absolute sophisticates, just like full-on sophisticates. She's a painter and she used to be a weaver. And they get so much out of being obsessed with the opera. Yeah. And the opera is so grand and amazing. Mm-hmm. But I just find it very boring.

Sure. When I've been many times as a teenager. And ridiculous. Sure. And dumb. And lame. Sure. And dumb. And lame. Yeah. But what if I've turned...

What if age and some combination of age and my natural latent homosexuality... Sure. ...have combined to make me opera friendly. So you're now, you think you're receptive to that, but you're not experiencing it. I guess there's only one way to find out. Go to the opera. See if you hate it. Costs like $400.

Yeah, I know. Geez. Yeah, I wish, it's funny that these, like just revisiting these things. Well, maybe start with,oring White Guy Novel. Okay. Yeah, maybe go to the library. Moby Dick. Get a used one on Amazon.

Remember our friend Brian back in Business Lane would swear up and down how funny Moby Dick is. Yeah, I mean, with all that. And he was very sincere about it. I genuinely believe that he found it moving and funny. Yeah. Yeah, boy, I mean, I don't know. I guess I, boy, yeah, I find, and I don't doubt his sincerity either. But I think most of the time when somebody will give you that song and dance, it's a pose, you know?

Yeah. I think that, yeah, it is a, and it always comes with a, they don't make them like this anymore. Have fun with your superhero movies kind of attitude. I think that's why maybe I don't go into that zone a lot because, you know. I'm snobby about superhero movies. Sure. I do love submarine movies, though. There you go. Yeah, I don't know.

Maybe it's time. Yeah, maybe start with the European white guy novel. See how that goes. If it's a runaway success, if you love Bartleby the Scrivener. Is that your recommendation? Would you go with Bartleby the Scrivener? I don't know. I've been racking my brain for an example. Nicholas Nickleby? There you go. That's a good one. Nicholas Nickleby? Yeah, yeah. David Copperfield. If you like that, then maybe try Shakespeare in the Park.

And if I don't, it's back to just watching all creatures great and small. There you go. Middle brow forever. Yeah. Go to see Spotlight. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. Go. Hello, and welcome to Podphone.

What type of podcast are you looking for? You have chosen funny podcasts about bad movies. Rated R. May we recommend The Flophouse? Three friends talk about bad movies and make each other and you laugh. Rated R. The Flophouse is playing at your ears. If you download it right now or whenever.

Rated R. To purchase tickets to The Flophouse. You don't need to do that, just download it. The Flophouse, rated R for nudity, I guess. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morse, boy detective. Probably Bartleby, the Scrivener is where I'll start.

Give it a shot. It's probably available at your local library. Probably get a 99-cent copy, sent to you on Amazon. Moby Dick. Give it a shot. Edith Wharton. Hmm. You want to try some Edith Wharton?

I mean, that's, sure. Great. Hemingway. Oh, I bet that one. Hemingway is pretty easy. Yeah great Hemingway Hemingway is pretty easy yeah Hemingway is easy short punchy sentences I think that's the median between Steinbeck

yeah Steinbeck is super readable yeah totally maybe ease into your you know 19th century what have yous my super novels can I tell you something that happened to me the other day that i'm that's i know that your signature segment is stuck in my craw sure you've got something in the craw it seems i can lend it to you for today no no no no no no it's

not necessary okay uh something's gotten my goat oh okay who's gotten my goat. Oh, okay. Who's got your goat? Who or what has that goat of yours, Jesse? So, I'm not, I don't have my own podcast with my friend Jordan. Sure. So that I can brag. Mm-hmm. But when it comes up, I'm willing to do what's required. Sure.

Okay. My son is a karate master. Mm. So, wow. He's got three stripes on his belt. Okay. There are pieces of tape that they put there every couple weeks. Right.

To make him feel like he's progressing. Exactly. He's barely progressing. Mm-hmm. He really, the main thing that goes on in my son's karate class is they play this game called the Tale of the Dragon or Catch the Tail on the Dragon or something. Sure. That's where they do opium. Yeah. You lay the kids

down on a velvet cushion, let them do opium, and then they charge tourists to watch. Sure. It's like flag football with a karate outfit on. Okay. Or like tag, but with football flags.

Okay. You know what I'm talking about? Like they have those, you know the flags for flag football, right? Yeah. They tuck those into the belt of the karate outfit. And then you have to run around and try and catch them. You sort of wrestle a little bit. My son forgets to run away every time.

Okay. So he just sits there and gets his flag snagged. And then they just take it from him and he gets confused as to run away every time. Okay. So he just sits there and gets his flag snagged. And then they just take it from him and he gets confused as to why he's out. Gotcha. So that's where my son's at. Okay. This karate, it's not so long that I can drop him off, leave, and come back. So you got to watch the whole karate. No, that's the thing. It's in a shopping- Go next door to the tiki room. Yeah. Crank one out. Crank one out.

It's in a little strip mall, as is everything here in Los Angeles. And normally what I'll do is I'll sit on a little cafe table and, you know, read Bartleby the Scrivener. Sure. Your tattered copy of David Copperfield. So much dialoguing. I love to dialogue with the text. I'll highlight something, and then I'll write a note in the margin. Sure.

Modus operandi? Question mark. Sure. Deus ex machina! Exclamation mark. Narrator dash. Trustworthy question? What is a man?

Yeah. Man v. machine. Sure. Man v. machine. Sure. Man v. nature. I like to identify themes. Mm-hmm. So- If you don't, who will?

But there's a couple of other businesses in this strip mall, and so I want to sample these businesses. So I went to the cafe. Actually, the cafe was pretty good. But next door, there's a coffee, tea, scones. Yeah. Oh, and bowls. All restaurants in Los Angeles are actually, I don't know if you heard about this, but when Mayor Garcetti was elected, his whole first hundred days thing was require all restaurants to serve bowls.

Sure. Yeah. All food in Los Angeles restaurants now comes in a bowl of various things. One of the things has to be kale also. Sure. Or an ancient grain. Yeah, exactly. So next door to the karate place is something called Relaxation Station. Mm-hmm.

Have you heard of Relaxation Station? I have not. Is it a chain? It's hard to say. It's either a chain or, again, like all businesses in Los Angeles, an aspiring chain. So it has chain-ish qualities, but none of the refinement that you look for from a chain. And I believed this to be, and this was based on the following evidence. One time when I was picking some stuff up at the dry cleaner, I got a business card from the business card pegboard that said free 30-minute session at the relaxation station.

No specifics in here. This is all very vague. I assumed it was a massage place. Okay. And I'm thinking to myself, I don't know how you do. Do you like a massage? I do, yeah. Some people don't like massage.

Yeah. Maybe get two a year. I love a massage. And it helps with my migraines too. So I try and get them when I can. And I thought, well, shoot. You know, maybe my new thing is I get a 30-minute massage while Simon's in karate class once a week. Hey.

And it's just a little indulgence. You know what I mean? I'm the princess. Sure. For once. Mm-hmm. You know? Not like my bitch wife.

I know. The actual princess. Oof. You have a time to do you. Yeah. Exactly. So I'm thinking this is great so I go into this place

and it's you know it's just a generic strip mall room and there's a woman standing at the counter who's I say 30ish slightly alternative not cool though sure you know what I mean just like wearing heavy boots

okay and Sure. You know what I mean? Just like wearing heavy boots. Okay. And she is an incredible combination of pleasant and completely undedicated to her work. Sure. Completely undedicated to her work. Sure. Like, not like she's, like, actively not doing her work. But it sort of reminds me of, like, when I used to do casual work for the city of San Francisco, like counting votes and stuff when I was just out of college. And it was just work that, like, significant number of people there were just like, yeah, I mean, I'm not really going to work hard or anything.

Sure. I'm like a nice enough guy. Right. I'm not going to come high. Yeah. And I'm not going to be a jerk to people, but I'm also making it clear that I would rather not be doing this. I will leave this job as soon as another one comes up.

So they have a price list. So I pay for a 30 minute thing okay not no you don't even know what the thing is at this point no are when you don't have the card for the free thing anymore well i went in no i have lost the card okay but it's done its work it's done its marketing work sure it's convinced me that this 30 minute session of unidentified quality. And this may be a fight club for all you know. Look, this could be a fight club. I could be signing up for white slavery. Yeah.

There's all kinds of shit that could be going on. And what does the lobby of this place look like? It looks like... Imagine a space in a strip mall that could be a kinder gym. Sure. It could be... Smoothie place. A smoothie place. It could be a kinder gym. It could be. Smoothie place.

A smoothie place. It could be whatever. It's got beige industrial carpets, an open window, and it does have like those kind of like cubicle dividers up to make what I presume to be massage areas. So I'm like, I guess it's, I'm like, I come in and she's like, what do you want or whatever? And I said, I don't know, what should I do? I got about an hour, you got to. And she said, well, I said, oh, do you have a room for a half hour session?

And she's like, yeah. Like as though, of course. Sure. No one comes in here. Right. You know what I mean? And I said, she said, which one do you want? And I look and there's a list of just phrases.

You know, like good and chill or like. Sure. All or nothing. Yeah. Out the door. I'm like, I don't know. What do you suggest? And they say, well, they tell you to do, we're going to call it good and chill.

Okay. Yeah. They like to suggest good and chill. Number one, my first concern here, my first red light here going off. You don't want to drive home to chill. She's not willing to speak in the first person. I recommend. About which thing.

They say you should. Yeah. Speak in the first person about which thing. They say you should. Yeah. She's just, she's like, look, I don't have any association with this place other than my current presence here. Right. Like, it just so happens that I'm here and no one who is actually cares about this place is around. So I'll refer to what I know about what they think.

You know what I mean so I did this this is what I got so what are you dropping on a good and chill 40 bucks 50 bucks

well there was an introductory offer okay that I noticed in the window so I think it was like 20 bucks okay

it's pretty good 20 bucks for half hours I'll give somebody 20 bucks for a good. 20 bucks for a half hour. I'll give somebody 20 bucks for a mystery thing. 20 bucks for a half hour is not an unreasonable introductory price for a massage place. Sure. Let's be clear. Like that's on the low end. Yeah.

That's on the low end, but it's not crazy. It doesn't suggest to me that this isn't going to be a massage. Right. Okay. So I just figured it was just going to be like an airport massage, basically. Yeah. You put your face in a little donut. Yeah.

Exactly. Get a little back chop. Does this lady look like a masseuse or masseur? Mm-hmm. No. No. No. She doesn't have the passion for body work.

Right. But I think maybe there's, my presumption is maybe there's some sort of recent immigrant in a back room who's going to come out. Gotcha. She's just there to, you know. Somebody whose passport is being held by someone else. Right. She's there to run the cards while this indentured servant does the work. Exactly.

Sure. And you know what? I'll take it. Normally I prefer to, but. Usually when you go into a massage place, the person manning the counter isn't the one that does the rubbing. Right. Usually I'm the one that's doing the rubbing. Sure, yeah.

I got to do something about that boner, Jordan. I mean, it's not going to rub itself. She shows me into this room. And again, it's not going to rub itself. She shows me into this room. And again, it's just cubicle height walls. And she just says, here's your headphones. There's the bed. They say it's better if you take off your clothes. Okay.

They say. Yeah. She's still not taking responsibility. She has not done this. For any part of this. She doesn't know what's going on. Yeah. She's still not taking responsibility for any part of this. She has not done this. She doesn't know what's going on. Yeah. She cannot personally recommend anything.

Right. Maybe she's just watching the front while her, like, friend picks someone up from the airport. Literally, I worked at Borders Books and Music in Washington, D.C. The only training that we received

was that we have to personally recommend things that we've actually experienced. Right. You have to tell somebody about a book that you've actually read and why you like it and why they should check it out. So the bed looks like a tanning bed but with no top part. Okay. And inside is a sheet just sort of casually draped over it.

Yeah. And so. That you could put over your way. First of all, I'm uncomfortable taking off my clothes because it's only cubicle height walls. When you're worried about the paparazzi. Maybe five foot walls. Sure. Like I can see over the tops of the walls.

Like the walls would block my nipples. Right. So anybody looking straight wouldn't be able to see any intimate things. Sure. But they would, you know. So I take off some of my clothes.

Oh, she says to definitely take off my shoes. Okay. So I take off my shoes and my coat, but I leave on my pants and my shirt. Sure. And your Carmen Miranda fruit hat. Well, I put that sort of on top of my face. Right.

Like I'm a 1930s caricature of a Mexican person taking a siesta. Sure. so I get in this thing and it's like you know those kind of like inflatable bed things that are in a pool

yeah sure that's what it is okay in a half clamshell and I put on the headphones she. And I put on the headphones. She says- Slayer. Slayer.

Put on the headphones. The headphones, by the way, are like, they're those kind of ones that look like they should be in a stock photo. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Sure. Like they're like electric blue and sort of big, the kind that go over your head and are big.

They look like somebody should be like holding them, using one hand to hold them to his head and putting the other hand on a record as though he knows how to scratch a record. Sure. But clearly he doesn't know how to scratch a record. Right. He's just there to pose. He's just posing for the stock photo. Yeah. He's just there to get the 50 bucks that you get for being a stock photo model.

And these are the ones that you buy at Best Buy for $20. Gotcha. These are not good ones. These are ones that are made to sort of look like good ones. Okay. And on top of them, they have some kind of sanitary headphone cover. Okay. That's like a hairnet.

Okay. Or a pantyhose. Like a hairnet made of pantyhose that goes over the business ends of the tube. So people get the ear gunk of the last person that came to the relaxation station. It's a big problem at relaxation station. Sure. I lie down,

and it's like, when I say that it's like that inflatable bed that's in a pool, it's also sort of moving around like that. Okay. Because I'm in water,

but I'm on top of a sheet on top of an inflatable bed. So that is in a little pool of water. Yeah, inside of the clamshell of a inflatable bed. So you, on, that is in a little pool of water. Yeah, inside of the clamshell of this tanning bed. And you are, what are you listening to on the headphones? Nothing yet. Mm-hmm. So then I say, like, I'm ready, I'm ready to go.

Who do you say this to? The woman. Okay. Over the, over the transom, you know. A transom isn't even necessary. Just over the edge of the top of the... She comes in, presses a button, and basically, like, imagine if you were in on one of those bed things in a pool. Mm-hmm.

But someone was underneath you going like I can't imagine somebody's like blowing blowing water at your butt you can kind of feel it

you're in a jacuzzi with a very light jet on it's like a jacuzzi jet it's a lot like a jacuzzi jet. It's a lot like a jacuzzi jet that's turning on and off in different places. Sure. But also, you're on top

of one of those inflatable... Okay. So you don't feel it very strongly. But you can feel some slight vibrations. Right. It's going... Yeah. Right?

And then this guided meditation starts on my headphones right the guided meditation and i did not write down any of the jokes in the guided meditation but traditionally guided meditations don't have jokes in them but this had a little warm-up no it had jokes laced throughout like knock knock jokes no like like like half-ass gags. I'm not even the kind that would come on a Popsicle stick. I would have appreciated that. Right.

Did you hear the one about the alligator who's- Like lie down and try to relax. Not that you know how to do that. Something like that. Okay. You're probably feeling the jets. Don't worry. It's not jet engines.

Right. And the person narrating it. Like a joke that a tour guide at a zoo would say. The person narrating this, clearly, this is the scenario that I imagine. They had this idea for a place. Okay. They started it, but they did not have any experience in guiding meditations. Right.

But they did not let that stop them from writing and recording multiple themed guided meditations. meditations. I would say that they were using, as an audio professional, they recorded this on a $20 microphone. Okay. It was fully sound designed. That's good. So there was like whale noises or jungle noises or something? Yeah.

Okay. It was profoundly awkwardly read. Mm-hmm. Like, it was as though... It was as though someone had bought a franchise, and instead of that coming with, like, signs and training manuals... And a brand of headphones that you're supposed to buy

and a tape of each of the meditations. Sure. It was as though it came with all of the first few things that I listed and a script for the meditations. Right. That you were supposed to record as the franchisee. And maybe punch up if you wanted to.

Yeah. Just add a few soft gags. So it would be like, you know, so it would be like, woo, woo, woo. Woo, woo, woo. This is a jungle animal of some kind. Some sort of. Caw, caw. Yeah.

Wah, wah, wah. Wah, wah, wah. This is how I'm imagining it. Are you sure this isn't just some Cherry Poppin' Daddy's lyrics? Right, yeah. This is after they're, right, after they did bath salts. Yeah. So you got this, you get these soft jungle noises.

And then like a man says into just the mic on his iMac he says you know like hey just breathe deep and relax. It's never Monday in here. Yes!

Too bad it sometimes is out there. Yes! Too bad it sometimes is out there. Yes! Wow. Huh. It was just that for 20 minutes! 20 bucks well spent though, right? Yeah. Well. How did you feel after you put on your

clothes? You know, you went out into the strip mall to pick up the kid. How did you go about the rest of your day? Were you transformed? Were you a new man? Yeah, I was sexually charged. Yeah, I mean, it seems like it was a pretty sexual atmosphere.

It was erotic to the extreme. Sure. I don't know if you've ever laid down on one of those pool beds. That's pretty erotic to begin with. But if you imagine somebody shooting water at your butt from underneath the pool bed. Right. While someone makes jokes at you. imagine somebody shooting water at your butt from underneath the pool bed right while someone makes makes jokes at you i mean i don't none of that sounds great but i do like the idea of being

nude near a minimum wage employee i'm gonna say there were four jokes through the course of the that's still too many minutes i guess a joke isn't that bad but the fact that it was there was just one friendly joke at the very beginning. All right, let's get started. Or if there were jokes throughout and it was supposed to be funny. Sure. Both of those would make sense. But yeah, the smattering of jokes.

If you're 17 minutes into a guided meditation, what you're not looking for is gags. Take a shot of it. You're not just like, I don't understand. Somebody just looked at the script and said, get Bruce. Yeah. Get him in here. Yeah, no gags. That's why I watch Two Broke Girls.

Yeah, exactly. Now listen in. Yeah, it seems like there are so many guided meditations available these days. You can just get one from SoundCloud. I'm sure there's a subreddit. Sure. Look, there's a subreddit for sex-guided meditations. Oh, my.

Yeah. Found that the other day. That guides you. I was Googling not sex-guided meditations. Sure. Like, oh, this is not what I wanted. Wait, so this is like something you put on while you're lovemaking that's supposed to? No, it's something that you put on.

It's amazing. Okay. First of all, it's amazing. It's pretty to... No, it's something that you put on. It's amazing. Okay. First of all, it's amazing. There's a... It's pretty lively. Right. Like, this subreddit is pretty active. There's a lot of action, yeah.

No, it's like there's two kinds of things. One is just fucking sounds. Okay. Just people either recording themselves masturbating or... The sound of it. Yeah. It's called Gone Wild Audio. it's part of the gone wild family sure of subreddit uh-huh uh so it's partly like people are just recording audio of themselves

going oh oh oh you know one thing is that's a fucking a jungle animal? Oh, yeah. The other categories are... I listened to a few different things. Sure. I was so delighted to have found this. How many Gone Wilds are there? Oh, there's tons of Gone Wilds. Huh. It's not just Gone Wild Curvy, if that's what you think.

As far as I'm concerned, that's the only Gone Wild. So, there's that. I mean, why go back and have hamburger when I know that there's steak? There's people, there's people, well, you know about there's a category of pornography called JOI for jack off instructions. It's like where a naked lady looks in the camera and goes like, all right now, put your finger in your butt or whatever. Sure. You know, I assumed that as both a single guy and someone who- Professionally trolls Reddit.

Yeah, right. Exactly. Who professionally is looking at the internet, I would have heard of all the porns. Okay. These are some- Number one, JOI is all the porns. Okay. These are some... Number one, JOI is a type of porn. Okay. Number two...

Jack off instructions. It's all right. It's not really my jam. Sure. Number two, in this thing, so they have just recording sex sounds. Then they have scenarios. You know what they should call JOI? What's that?

Mr. Jizzard. Yeah, scenarios. You know what they should call J-O-I? What's that? Mr. Jizzard. Yeah, sure. Uh, uh, the second, the second one is, uh, uh,

the second one is, uh, scenarios. So it's like, oh, I'm, I'm your babysitter. Oh,

you want, you can drop me off for work for after work or like, I'm your sister. You shouldn't, you know, whatever. Right. Yeah.

Uh, and, they tend to get real weird, real fast in any category of pornography that's not filmed because they can legally. And then the third category is self-hypnosis that's supposed to get you to have an orgasm without touching your penis. Interesting. Yeah. Huh. Who leads you through these? orgasm without touching your penis. Interesting. Yeah. Huh. Who leads you through these?

A woman with a Scottish accent. Huh. The one that I heard. That is a pretty erotic accent. It was relatively erotic. Is it like about- It was- Hey, I listened to a few minutes of it.

It wasn't bad. Is it about like flexing your- Is it about doing like kegels or like- No, you're going down some erotic stairs. And you're counting 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Huh. And it's supposed to get you to jizz. That's my understanding.

Interesting. Do you know about any other Gone Wilds? I'm amazed that these exist. No, that's the most... By far the most... Oh, well, have you seen the Gone Wild where, well, there's regular Gone Wild for anyone who doesn't know a lot about the pornography on the internet is where people post pictures of themselves naked on Reddit. Right. And there's a gay one for dudes.

Women don't really care to look at dudes. I mean, there are some women that like to look at dudes but mostly your regular one is almost all ladies and then there's a gay one for dudes then there's Gone Wild Kirby for Jordan then there's subreddit for one

there's Gone Wild Stories where people just write a sex thing that happened to them this is where the penthouse forum has moved yeah exactly uh you know penthouse is getting out of the publication business it's gonna be all online oh that's too bad i know our last what am i gonna what am i gonna get at the corner news agent i don't know i guess jugs yeah you still have to go and get into jugs or perfect Ten. Yeah. Yeah, Gunwild Stories. I've looked at that one.

Here's the thing. If you go... This is my recommendation to you, Jordan. Please. If you really want to get a kick out of the beautiful rainbow of human sexuality and also some of its grotesque darknesses, there's a random button on the top of Reddit that takes you to a random subreddit.

Uh-huh. But if you start at an adult or not safe for work Reddit, there's also one for not safe for work Reddits. Mm-hmm. And so you can click through and you just get, just be in awe of just the different things that are a specific interest group for a specific group of people.

Okay. It sounds like a hoot. I'm trying to think of what... I'll just... Sometimes when I'm bored, I'll just click on it for 10 minutes and just see the different things. Yeah. Well, I mean, I think I've... We've talked in here about my love of the random scrolling porn search terms.

Sure. It's exactly the same thing. Yeah, snake crawls into pussy. It is exactly. I mean, like, you know, like. Teenest Japan. You know, two-thirds of them are just like milf. Sure.

Or whatever, you know, just something that's. Right, something pretty. It's relatively. Vanilla adjacent. Relatively specific, but, you know, broadly understood. Right. vanilla adjacent relatively specific but but uh you know broadly understood right but uh then you find like uh uh bimbo which is like people who are into like almost unhuman caricatures of like the kind of dumb blonde porn star thing sure yeah like, like a valley girl in an eighties movie. Uh, that was bimbo.

There's ones for like disinterested. I don't remember what that one was called. Like the woman is disinterested. Sure. It was, uh, it was relaxation station employee. Yeah,

exactly. It's amazing. It's amazing. It's amazing and amusing, but I just don't want to have, I don't want anyone to go into this like once in a while because it's not safe for work things. Once in a while you accidentally end up in like a Nazi one. Oh, okay.

But like once every 30 times you will end up in a Nazi one. It's mostly fun. Or something that is genuinely distressing. Okay. Sexual but distressing. Sure. Because it's a wide, it's a big world out there. Sure.

But mostly it's- Some people have access to morgues. Mostly it's sexual and amusing. Okay. Almost all. But just be prepared for one in 30 to be like, to, you know, for you to be looking into the dark recesses of, you know, man or whatever. You're just like, oh, no, that's weird. Okay, yeah.

Okay. Hey, it's fun. Are we going to skip momentous occasions, I guess? I mean, that seems like it was a pretty momentous occasion. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Well, I hope you've enjoyed spending this time with us. Yeah. Thanks for being here, audience. I really got some shit off my chest this week. We appreciate you. This is what happens when a guest forgets that they're supposed to be on the show. Yeah. Just Jesse really gets some shit off his chest.

Yeah, we'll go. It's cathartic. I hope it was more useful to you than your trip to the relaxation station. I think we're both pretty great. Yeah. And they're both worth the 20 bucks. By the way, I'll give you the 20 bucks

when we're done with this. No problem. Have you thought about, instead of the chairs we have in here, which are, you know, pretty comfortable chairs. Yeah. You know,

nothing special, but they're nice. Like a modern school chair? Sure. Maybe getting some clamshells with floating mattresses and air jets. Yeah.

I mean, you know, you can do your shows, but all the other shows that record in here can, you know, reap the benefits of a relaxation station recording experience. And if they are trying to franchise, maybe the times when people aren't recording, you can just have relaxation station customers come up here and they can enjoy the station. Yes, it's like a side business. Do you think I'd have to buy the franchise?

I don't know. I could just, instead of, how about this? Instead of having to buy the franchise so I get the scripts for the guided meditations, I just use this stuff from the Gone Wild audio subreddit. Pipe that in here. Pipe a Scottish woman telling you about how to squeeze your vas deferens while you walk downstairs. When I was listening, I listened to, like, I skipped to the middle of it. So I'm like, what happens in, like, the beginning? Because in the beginning, she's just telling you that this is going to happen.

It's like podcasts where they talk about what they're going to talk about. We know, just start talking about it. Yeah. In the middle, there was a part and it was, you were imagining a staircase and you were walking down it one step at a time. And each step was getting you closer to... Jiztown. Yeah, I guess Jiztown. Hmm. you closer to... GizTown. Yeah, I guess GizTown. Hmm.

I think she was Scottish, so I think she said Gizville. Hmm. Okay. Yeah, sure. It's a regional thing, I guess. I mean, I don't know. We'd have to ask. Anyway, just a thought.

I would walk 5,000 miles, guys, to get there. Yeah. Just a thought. Maybe get these chairs out of here. Get some relax the back pods. And just kind of see how it affects the recording process. I'm guessing for the better. Yeah.

But maybe things will be too chill. MaxFunStore.com is where you can buy those get them, get them, get them t-shirts. Right. By the way, we're only like a... Oh, how about this, Jordan? Last year in the Max Fund Drive, we promised to create... We promised to record

an episode of the show on a boat that we had bought on Craigslist in MacArthur Park Lake. Hashtag JJGOGrossLake. It's happened. It's up. People can listen to it. If you're a Max Fund donor. It's happened. It's up. People can listen to it.

If you're a MaxFun donor, it's in the donor's feed. If you're a donor, $5 a month or more. If you're not, you can become a donor. MaximumFun.org slash donate. No matter who you are, you can go to our YouTube channel. Just search for Maximum Fun on YouTube or JJGoGrossLake. And you can see the video. It's a lot of fun.

A little five-minute video of us. A few highlights and lowlights, I like to call them. Sure. It's a lot of fun. A little five-minute video of us. You know, a few highlights and lowlights, I like to call them. Sure. It's a roller coaster. Yeah, lowlights is like, it's like a play on highlights. So, like, highlights is like the best things and then lowlights. Oh, boy. It's like a fun.

These are the things that were not so good. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It's like if you imagine, I don't know if this has ever happened, but if you imagine, like, two baseball players are both trying to catch the same ball, but then they run right into each other. That sounds like a hilarious blooper. Ball falls between, no, it's called a low light. Right.

So I would call it a low light. You might call it a blooper. Yeah, it's happened. Now, this is what happens right before Letterman comes on? Yeah, exactly. And Brian actually, I was talking to Brian about this yesterday. He calls it a practical joke. Well, there's a lot of different names for it.

There's all kinds of different names. Brian Sonny D. Fernandez is on the boards for this week's program, Laughing Outside the Booth. You can join us on Twitter, at Jordan underscore Morris, at Jesse Thorne, on Facebook, Maximum Fund Group, MaximumFun.reddit.com, and of course, reddit.com slash r slash gonewildaudio for all your hands-free orgasm needs. Oh, hey, I got, in addition to our shirts,

after you've bought the shirt, I have another thing that people could buy if they want to buy another thing that is related to me slightly. Yes? I did a little bit of writing for the Riff Trax guys recently. Oh, this is something people should definitely read.

Yeah, these are the guys, a couple of the dudes from Mystery Science Theater 3000. They have a funny website called Riff Trax where you can buy funny commentaries for movies you can watch on DVD or some nice Riff shorts. Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett, Kevin Murphy. These are among the best guys in show business. The best of the guys. Anyways, they let me write some jokes for them. Kindly, they fucking made my goddamn life and let me write some jokes for them. Man.

And yeah, the first short that I got to do some writing on came out. It's called Shapes We Live With. So I think if you went to RiffTracks.com, you can look for Shapes We Live With. It's 99 cents. It's around 15 minutes of funny, funny, goof, goof. Yeah, grab it and get at me on Twitter. See if you can pick out a joke that I wrote. Yeah, that's fun.

Seems like a fun scavenger hunt. That seems like a fun thread on the Reddit. Oh, yeah, I would love that. You know what? I'm going to have Rachetacular start that thread. Yeah, sounds like you should get her on that. Rachetacular. It'll get done.

Start the thread. Which of these jokes is one that Jordan wrote? Mm-hmm. Let's see. You're going to have to buy this. I'll get on there. This is going to cost you 99 cents, Rachel, but it's worth it. Yeah.

This is 99 cents well spent. I can't imagine. I spent 99 cents on this myself and had a blast. I think that's 99 cents well spent and yeah, I'll get on there on Reddit and I'll tell you if you like that. When you talk about three of the nicest, funniest guys in Hollywood and then you throw on top of that a fourth

nicest, funniest guy in Hollywood, Jordan Morris, you really can't beat that. It's a lot of fun. And there's a bunch of new shit in the MaxFun store this week. Coming into the store this week. Boom. Use the code FULLCHART. I mean, not the MaxFun store. Put this on shop.

Put this on shop and use the code FULLCHART. You'll get free shipping. Boom. Lots of beautiful things in there. Pocket squares. Boom. Baseball caps. Vintage collectibles, et cetera. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan and Jessica.

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