Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 416: Unusual Strategies Devil with Jimmy Pardo

Episode Date: February 22, 2016

Comedian and podcaster Jimmy Pardo joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of children's show auditions, Jordan's experience as a Prius owner, and Jimmy's feelings about pizza toppings.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take coffee, shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Are you enjoying the rain here in Los Angeles, Jordan? It's lovely. Yeah, thank you. Clearing out, clearing out some of that old Los Angeles smug.

Do you like that I thanked you? Thank you for your honest answer. Thanks for not bullshitting me. I'm pretty sure I was thanking you for complimenting my work. Yeah. With my rain machine. Uh-huh. Or my control of the weather in a broader, more sort of metaphysical.

I assumed you were God. Well. That's why I've been doing this show. I'm a sexual God. Oh, you know what? That's why I've been doing this show. I'm a sexual god. You know what? That's where I got confused. I think I heard sexual god, and then later when I was trying to remember who you were,

I just was thinking god. I'm a god thought. Isn't that the thing on the new Kanye West album? I don't know. Oh, you fucked Taylor Swift. Yes, I did. Yeah. Oh, Jordan, you've always been my bitch.

It's a term of endearment. Sure. In the always been my bitch. It's a term of endearment. Sure. In the hip-hop community, it's a term of endearment. I'm a member of the hip-hop community, by the way. Wow. So you're a sexual god. I went to a lot of rap concerts in college. A member of the hip-hop community.

Yeah. And also a god thought. A god thought, yeah. Yeah. I think. I don't remember 100%. I've only listened to it once or twice. I think we can all agree. Thus far. Bill Cosby, Innocent. Yeah. I think. I don't remember 100%. I've only listened to it once or twice. I think we can all agree.

Thus far. Bill Cosby, innocent. Yeah. All caps. There's one thing we agree on. Oh, boy. Yeah. Oh, Kanye West.

I'm referencing a Kanye West thing for people who maybe just listen to our show and don't do any other kind of internet thing. Yeah. Kanye West tweeted that. I was, Jordan Morris was not saying that. For people whose grandchildren put a podcasting app on their phone and subscribe to Jordan Jesse Go. Right. It's on autoplay or something.

It just starts playing every time it downloads. I was not saying that Bill Cosby was innocent. I'm referencing a Kanye gaffe from a week ago or so. Kanye's just been a firehose of gaffes. Yeah. I'm just tired of it. Me too.

I just don't want to hear about it or write any more jokes about it for at midnight. I just don't. i just want to take a break from it for a long time driving with my wife and i said man i wish i could just listen to kanye west's great albums yeah and she said i don't think that's ever going to happen again yeah boy i think i yeah it feels like some i mean god it's it's like the he did the bill cosby thing and nothing really happened.

Yeah. But it does feel like there's something coming, a self-immolation or something like that. Yeah. I mean, I don't mean to be genuine. I am concerned that he is genuinely severely mentally ill. And, you know, by the time that this podcast comes out, which is like in a few days, something awful may have happened. Yeah. I hope not.

Yeah, let's keep it. His album's fantastic, by the way. I bet it is. It is a fantastic album. I can't imagine that it is not. Yeah. Anyway, let's introduce our guest because he is one of the-

Please and thank you. He's one of the few comics and public figures I know who has consistently stood against Bill Cosby's comedy, but in support of his personal conduct. Am I remembering that correctly? We are at Never Not Funny. We are supporting Bill.

We do believe that every woman is lying. Every one of them is lying. All 30. All of them. So is it a conspiracy or is everyone just individually some sort of money-grubbing fame monster? Well, they're all money-grubbing whores. Yeah. They met the great Dr. Cosby at a concert and now they want their reward. Sure.

The great Dr. Cosby. May he rest in peace. He is a good man who is slighted. And Ted Nugent, I think he also- Now, Ted Nugent, what we feel about Ted is we do not care for his music, but a terrific American. Right? Great Fox News commentator. Love what he has to say, Jordan. He's insightful. Ted Nugent, what we feel about Ted is we do not care for his music, but a terrific American. Great Fox News commentator. Love what he has to say, Jordan.

He gets what this country really wants. I think so. Donald Trump, your thoughts? Do we have thoughts on Donald Trump? I don't remember. Are we supporting his campaign? We are supporting Dr. Trump. I'm calling him Dr. Trump.

Yeah. I refuse to call him Mr. Trump. He has an honorary doctorate from the Bubba Gubb Shrimp Company. I believe he does. Bill Cosby has an honorary doctorate. Just like Gary Sinise is a soldier. Yeah, sure. And then we are, Matt and I and Elliot and Garen over there at Never Not Funny, we all make our twice a year we go to Minnesota to go to the dentist in that area, the guy that

hunts lions. Oh, sure. Yeah. Because while we don't stand, we don't like the way he hunts, boy, that guy cleans a good tooth. Yeah, he does. And when you find a dentist like that, you've got to stick with him. I mean, have you seen his bridge work? It's fantastic.

Have you seen his bridge work? Of course I have. I go twice a year to the gentleman. Okay, I don't mean to yell at you, Jimmy. I'm sorry. Do you get bridges twice a year? Well, no, no, no, no. I go there for the cleaning twice a year, but I've certainly seen his bridge work.

Sure. Oh, okay. So does he take you on a tour of? Yes, the guy shows you a snake head sitting on the wall, then he goes to go look at the bridge work. Got it. Right? Take a look at this bison I shot once. Got it.

Did I introduce you, Jimmy Pardo? I don't think we ever got there, no. Okay, this is our guest, Jimmy Pardo. Which, one more. Guys, I'm dating Cody. Okay, sorry. Wait, I don't know who that is. Cody from Cody 2012.

Cody 2012. That was a- Joseph Cody. Oh my okay. Sorry. Wait, I don't know who that is. Coney from Coney 2012. You know Coney 2012? That was a- Joseph Coney. Oh, my God. You know what? I thought you said Cody, and I thought, like, Kathy Lee's kid? Yeah. And it was like-

Kathy Lee's kid. What a weird, long reference to- I am dating Cody, but it's just because I want that sweet life. Oh, you got to get that sweet life. That guy's on a new TV show, right? One of them is on a new TV show. Really? One of the twins got a real acting job.

They've broken away from Disney twin programs. Yes. And they're out on their own. Here's a quick story. It's a strong word anecdote. I was auditioning for that show. Zack and Cody's the Suite Life. I would think, Jimmy.

Yes. I don't mean to be presumptuous here, but I would think that Jimmy, I don't mean to be presumptuous here, but I would think that your style of performance would lend itself well to a Disney Channel sitcom. Like our friend Andy Kindler,

for example, who's done a lot of that kind of acting. The Sklar brothers. Bill Dwyer, Rachel Quaintance. You could just come in and just do the thing that you do. The problem there is auditioning requires a skill and a talent that I don't possess in my body. Now, if they offered me the job and said, hey, you want to work for three days on Zack and Cody, I'm going to come in and do a great job. But the audition is where I muck it up. And on this day, on this very day, the day I speak of, the Zack and Cody day, we are all sitting around in the waiting room looking at our sides, our scripts for those who are not in the business, and panicked, stressing out.

Me, I'm counting down the seconds so I can get in my car and leave. I hate it so much. And those two boys bop in ever so precocious. And they went around. Now, did you see them? Did one emerge from the side of a doorway and then the other one emerged from slightly higher up in the doorway? I would love if they had. But they came in like whirling dervishes.

Were they? Jimmy, can I ask you a question? Were they, as with Lil' Romeo in the Master P episode of Cribs, driving their own tiny Land Rovers? They may have gotten to that room in that way. That is very possible. That's how they went from set to this office. Yeah. But they both came running in and then went around to all 15 of us.

You know, good luck, governor. Good luck to you, governor. Oh, look at you, governor. Oh, I hope you get it, governor. You condescending little pricks. Wait, they came in doing like an Oliver voice? Yes. And calling you all governor?

They called us all governor. They went around to everybody. And as if they were, I don't even know of an adult that you would go, oh, that's funny that they did that. It was so annoying and precocious and condescending that I wanted to punch these children in the mouth. I really wanted to go, why don't you two kids go fuck yourselves and then leave? That's how awful it was. But the other actors were like, isn't that cute that they came in here?

Really? What you said instead was, please, sir, may I have some more? I sure hope we get to work together, gentlemen. That's what I said. I didn't say anything. I just looked at him. I'm a big fan. Always have been.

I'm that guy. I love to watch children's. That's what I said. I didn't say anything. I just looked at him. I'm a big fan. Always have been. I'm that guy. I love to watch children's television. You guys are great. You guys are terrific. But you've been following, despite that bad experience, you've been following their careers to the point where you know about a current project. I'm obsessed about it. Yeah.

I've got the words Governor and Cody and Zach as Google alerts, whatever those three words come up. A lot of times it doesn't make any sense. That must be a big problem. What with the recent election of Wyoming Governor Zach Cody. That was a huge error on my part. Oh, boy, I didn't understand a word of that. Boy, they age quickly.

That's what I thought. So, yeah, I really should turn off that Google alert. That's on me. Yeah. Well, Jimmy Pardo's here. I have also done a little bit of auditioning for Disney Channel Funny Adult. Like the part is usually exasperated adult. Yes.

Yeah. Just like adult who is annoyed with the child main characters. And I remember just like going in there and I'm like, okay. Like I know what this style is, you know, and I think I can, you know, and I've done enough sketch comedy in my day to where I can I can sell it. I can sell a big character. So I just remember being in there. And, you know, if the line is something like, you know, guys, you got to wait your turn for the yogurt, which is an example. Right.

These kids are literally fighting for yogurt. Sure. They're making jabs at each other, pushing each other out of the way, all kind of business is happening, and they got to wait in line. You got to wait your turn for the yogurt. Sure. And I remember this. That wasn't the exact line from the audition, but I remember the casting director and it's kind of an old classic, just old gal. She's got a pair of glasses on a chain around her neck and it's like, all right, step here, slate your name.

And then I'm like – She was like a librarian or a school secretary from 1963. Yeah, exactly. A real lunch lady type. Got it. And I'm going and I'm like, I'm going to sell this. Here we go. You know.

Hey, guys, you got to wait in line for your yogurt. Okay, bigger. We don't want natural comedy. We need this big. It's a sitcom. And then I just like, you know, by the end of this 20-minute audition, I feel like I'm just going, Guys, you got to wait in line for your yogurt. I'm just acting like a crazy person.

You turn into Ed Wynn. Yeah, exactly. I'm a real center square of Hollywood squares in the 70s type. And just like, is this not big enough for you? Is this not? Jordan, could you do that but a little bit more snaggle-punch? Exit stage yogurt! Yeah, and just not

being, and just going, like, feeling like, this is, nothing will ever be good enough for you, woman. Nothing will ever be good enough for you, lady. You're just like my mom. Is this something you've been working through? Wow, we're heads up. Here we go. Yeah, I have a lot of anger, you know, at my, sorry to get raw here, guys.

No, that's what we do. This is a podcast. Yeah. That's why this show is called WTF. Go ahead, Jordan. That's my favorite show. If there's two people that I have anger at, deep-seated number one lingering anger your co-host on an unnamed podcast my co-host who tricked me into thinking he was god when in fact he was a mere

sex god um my dad who left the family after um you know he divorced my mom and um the disney channel casting director who made me do a weird voice. Yeah. Those are the two. I don't know. I've had those auditions. I understand it better than anybody. And I don't think I'll ever, I don't think I'll ever be able to be in a long-term relationship

until I resolve those things. And interestingly, in this case, contrary to what you may have heard, the second cut was the deepest. Sure. The one with the casting director who made you do a funny voice. That's the one.

Yeah, that's the one that upset you the most. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you know what? I think I'm over it now. Talking about it felt good. Worked through it? Talking about it felt good. All right.

When I auditioned, I have some trauma regarding my audition to be the voice of Comedy Central. I don't go on a lot of auditions. I have no management, no agency, but we had a kind listener who worked in the promo department in Comedy Central, invited me to worked in the promo department in Comedy Central invited me to come audition for the voice of Comedy Central. Which, by the way, can I say before you get into this?

You'd be great for it. Thank you very much. I mean, Kyle Kinane got it. He's fantastic. I don't watch the program. I don't watch the network. It's not for me. So this is post-Pendulet.

Yeah, this is the post-Pendulet voice. Pre-Kinane. Yeah. And I went in there and I did the thing. They asked me to do it another way. I had nothing. I'm like, I don't know.

This is how I talk. Another language? You want me to do an accent? I can do it in Spanish? What would they want? I mean, you're... They wanted me to sound... Okay, so there was two problems.

One is I always sound insincere. The other is I sound like an old man. And so they didn't like, they wanted a young person who sounded they wanted somebody that sounded like Kyle Kinane, which is to say, he sounds like a cool, disaffected guy.

But he can also be sincerely passionate. But I would think insincere would work in your favor. Like, isn't it ironic this guy is... You would think, hey, insincere worked that time that I got that job on Craigslist to voice a Japanese English language exam. It worked that time.

But that's the big time. This is comedy. God, I still remember. I mean, that was really gorgeous. I mean, like, and I gave some great readings. I don't... Do you guys...

I'd like to hear some, yes. I would love to, yeah, sure. Of course, yes. Of course. Yes. Excuse me. Which way to the discotheque? Excuse me. Which way to the library?

You're very polite. Yeah. Yeah. But also just insincere enough to make me think that maybe you don't want to go to the discotheque. Maybe you're making fun of the discotheque. I like to give it a little tweak. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Sure. I like to think of myself. You got to tweak it. And again, the last thing I want to do here is get braggy. But I mean, I think we're all familiar with my track record, my accomplishments and so on. Sure. I am not. Can you email me those?

You know what? I'd like to see it in print. That's the best way for me to enjoy this material. PDF, Word doc? PDF. How do you prefer? Jimmy, I'll have my assistant fax something over. Oh, yeah.

Fax it right over. That's the best way. Get it fresh off the press. I like to think of myself as like the Andy Kaufman of Japanese English language exams. You know, in that I take something that's straightforward, but I give it to you with an unusual twist. And you wonder, is this a comedy performance? Am I being put on?

You know, this has been transformed and it feels as an audience member like I'm looking at it through my third eye. And by an audience member, you mean a Japanese person who's learning to speak English. Exactly. Yeah. Well, being tested on their English speaking skills. Yeah. Jessica, can I ask you, what if you wanted to go to a restaurant?

What would you have said? It's an interesting question, Jimmy. And, you know, there's not a lot of room for improvisation in terms of the script. But I do like to make strong choices in terms of my reading of a script. So in that way, it's improvised. And I really think it is my voice coming through. So, for example, if I wanted to go to, you said, a restaurant. A restaurant, yes, sir.

I might say, excuse me, where can I find the restaurant? Oh, okay. So you see, I'm like, I'm playing with it a little bit. I hear it certainly, but I'm in the business. Right. I don't know if the layperson can hear it. Right. I mean, you've marked up a script.

Oh, boy, have I. Yeah. So you know about the marginal notes you make. You know about the whole kind of emotional context that you create for a character like that. And, you know, in this case, that kind of meta context that's needed for the sort of Brechtian thing that we were doing, the V effect that we were trying, the slight alienation of the audience so that they know, sure, I'm listening to a cassette tape that tests me on my English comprehension, but I'm also sort of watching myself listen to a cassette tape that tests me on my English comprehension.

Can I get another read from you? Yeah, sure, Jordan. Let's just say you're the owner of a strip mall store. Right. And there's some feisty kids in there. Oh, boy. Right. And they are not waiting in line for the yogurt.

Really? What do you – can I just get a reaction? What would you say to these kids who are – they will not wait in line for the yogurt? Can you give me that context again? So I am the owner of a strip mall store. There's some... Like, well-dressed 10-year-olds come in. Right.

You know. Would they be, like, twins? Yeah, these are twins. Right. Toe-headed. Affluent twins. Yeah. You know, just real cool. Nice sneakers. Right. Like affluent. Toe-headed. Affluent twins. Yeah. You know, just real cool.

Nice sneakers. Yeah. And they are not waiting in line for that yogurt. Right. They are not waiting their turn. Kids, you gotta wait in line for the yogurt. All right. This is not a mumblecore.

Oh, okay. This is not a, you know. Do you want to hear an accent or? No, I just want you to sell it. I just want you to, you know, it's comedy. Sell it. You got to juice it. Okay.

So this is, that's what I was giving you a drama reading. Yeah, exactly. I should have clarified that this is not a dramatic. Okay. I had in my head like Friday Night Lights. No, no, no. This is, yeah. No?

Listen, maybe if the, maybe we get the Duplass brothers in here to direct an episode of this. So it's called a comedy, but it's mostly just emotional stuff and not a lot of jokes. Sure, sure. Some like uncomfortable moments. Okay. Yeah. Got it. Hey, kids!

You gotta wait in line for yogurt! Yeah, that's good. Okay, thank you. We'll be back in just a second! Yeah, that's good. Okay, thank you. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Are you troubled by a lack of astute yet dick joke filled analysis of bad movies? Do you experience feelings of laughter and enjoyment when you hear three friends go off on stupid tangents? Have you or any of your family ever seen a spook, specter, ghost, or totally rad party dude house cat who really only exists as a sound effect? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then pick up your podcast listening device of choice and subscribe to The Professionals. The Flophouse. Our award-winning and usually only a little drunk staff is on call 24 hours a day to serve all your bad movie podcast needs.

The Flophouse. We're ready to make you laugh in public so that other people look at you funny. Hit it. I'm pretty sure we don't have the rights to this song. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jimmy Pardo, guest.

Jimmy, it is a joy to have you on the program. If I may borrow some of your signature nomenclature. Oh, what a joy. I'll say that probably too often. But thank you for having me. It's a joy to be here. Jimmy, congratulations on completing the, now you, you won the Los Angeles Marathon? I did. I won it. I won it. You know, a lot of times it's those kind of rangy Kenyans who win it. Not this time. This time. Not this time. Podcast slash comedian. Right. It's just a man in his 40s from South Chicago. That's right.

South side. Regular, relatable guy. That's right. Just a regular Jew off the street. They got deep pizza. They got pan, regular pizza. They got thin crust. Thin crust pizza.

You all right? I lost the words for thin crust pizza. You forgot about all the kinds of pizza for a minute. Yeah. As a reminder, guys, your deep dish, that's your tourist's pizza. Thin crust is real Chicago pizza. You got a pizza Bianca? I don't know what that is.

No. It's like a white pizza. No, Bianca meaning white. Yeah. Blanche. Yeah. Oh, pizza blanche. Does it have clams on it?

Is that some kind of clam pizza? I don't want clams on my pizza. I don't either. I don a blanche. Does it have clams on it? It's some kind of clam pizza. I don't want clams on my pizza. I don't either. I don't want clams. You know what? I ate an anchovy pizza. I was having lunch with Nate DiMeo once of the Memory Palace, podcasting celebrity Nate DiMeo. And he said he likes anchovies on pizza.

And I thought to myself, this is what I thought to myself, Jesse, you're a grown-up. You probably like anchovies on pizza now. Because how many things have I eaten, Jimmy, your food habits are specific to you, but how many things have I eaten as a grown-up where I'm like, huh, I guess I like this now, like asparagus, for example. Like I like asparagus. I never could have imagined liking asparagus. I even I like this now. Like asparagus, for example. Like, I like asparagus. I never could have imagined liking asparagus.

I even almost like broccoli. So I thought, I must like anchovies now. You know, sure, I hated them. I ate this. I could barely get it down my throat. I hated it so much. Did you want to punch him in the mouth? Because he's the one person in the world that likes anchovies.

He is supporting the entire anchovy pizza industry. So for that reason, you should slug him. My wife loves Hawaiian pizza. Yeah, that's your pineapple and ham? Yeah. I don't want to eat pineapple or ham on pizza. I don't want to eat ham in general. I will have it if it's the only choice.

Really? If somebody says, hey, we brought a pizza and it's pineapple. I'll go, in my head, seriously? It's Hawaiian? Sure. Sure. Then I'll go, yes, all right. Where do you draw the line on pizza, Jimmy?

Is it just with anchovies? Your chovies, your mishrooms. Sure. Onions beat me up, but I'll have them. But mostly your chovy and shroom. Yeah, you don't like a shroom. You don't like the umami flavor? I don't.

It adds a certain richness. I don't like a shroom either, Jimmy. It's mainly a textural thing for me. 100%. Sure. It seems like you're just crunching down on a tiny bit of penis. I don't. Oh, boy.

Nope. Just a little bit of. Nope. That's not what I was thinking, but I hear what you're saying. Yeah. Nope. But that does make sense to you, Jimmy. Nope.

Yeah. I think that's an apt metaphor. It's like you're crunching down on a tiny sliver of penis. A little slice of penis. Like a clove shape. Yeah. I'm a yes man guy metaphor. It's like you're crunching down on a tiny sliver of penis. A little slice of penis. Like a clove-shaped. Yeah. I'm a yes and guy, but I can't do it. I'm a yes and guy.

Penis chunk. It's like, just imagine the kind of spongy texture of a human penis. I can't remember those memories. Slice it. Dice it. Oh. Clove it. Chomp it.

The cock we're talking still? Well, I would say penis. I'm no Bulgarian. Is that a real word? Yes. I love it. My last experience with anchovies. Your last experience, meaning you had more than one.

I've only had a handful of anchovy experiences. All negative. Then why go back a second time? Well, here's what happened, James. I'm about to tell the story. One experience, but it was with a handful of anchovy. All right. You're like, I've never tried these before.

I better shove a fistful in my mouth. Yeah. I'm on one of these internet dates. You guys heard about these? You met somebody on the World Wide Web and you went out. We're out. I've heard about this. FarmersOnly.com.

Yeah. This is me and just a down-home gal from Georgia. Yep. Peach Farm. Right. Good save. Good save. Goats.

Right. You know who I met from Georgia? I went on a very nice date with Jimmy Carter. Oh, yeah. Peanut Farmer. Yeah, right. You know why I met this guy? The devil. He went down to Georgia. Oh, really? You know, he was down there. No, but he was looking for something. Looking for a soul stick. farmer. Yeah, right. You know why I met this guy? The devil.

He went down to Georgia. Oh, really? You know, he was down there. What was he? He was looking for something. Looking for a soul stick. Ah, that's right. You know why?

He was buying. He was way behind. And I'll tell you what, on this day, willing to make a deal. Really? Yeah. How'd it work out for him? He met a kid named Johnny. Okay.

Yeah. And I tell you what, the devil met his match that day. Really? Yes, sir. He's met his match. Johnny won. Did he? How did he? They fiddled. They had a fiddle off. You know what the devil met his match that day. Really? Yes, sir. He's met his match. Johnny won. Did he? How did he?

They fiddled. They had a fiddle off. You know what the devil wants to do? Yeah, sure. Write the Bible. Yeah, of course. As in the Bible. By the way, I don't know anything about the Bible.

There's a very good chance they do have a fiddle off, and I don't know about it. Yeah, it's called the Book of Revelations, James. Oh, I see. It's the whole thing. It's just a long description of Jesus' fiddle battle. I see. Okay. I'm sorry, Jesus' fiddle battle. Oh, boy. That's a nice snack. That's just a long description of Jesus' fiddle battle. I see. Okay. I'm sorry, Jesus' fiddle faddle. Oh, boy.

That's a nice snack. No, I think that the fiddle faddle, that's Deuteronomy. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. It's been a while since I've been to Sunday school. Yeah. You're reading your show. You're on a date. So I'm on one of these internet dates, and a key tenant of internet dates, I would say, is sharing small plates. Right. It's something you go to a restaurant, and would say, is sharing small plates.

Right. It's something you go to a restaurant and if you want to appear fun, you're like, hey, let's get a couple of things and we'll share. Right. Because you don't want to seem like some sort of stick in the mud. No, absolutely not. You're just each getting an entree, eating it in silence, talking about each other's – Your rating will suffer. Yeah. Talking about each other's brothers and sisters.

Right. You want to share things, talk about the food, all the little this, all the little that. And also, I guess I'm a little bit of a picky eater, but would like to come off as an adventurous eater. Something I would like to be, I guess, in not all situations, but I wish I was an adventurous eater. So one of these small plates was a spin on the Caesar salad. It's got these big slices of anchovy on top. Right. Date really wanted to get it.

Date was very excited about this. On a date, she wanted anchovy. Yeah. Isn't it a red flag? Date's over at that point? Yeah. Maybe she had decided five minutes into it. She's like, I would still like to eat, but I will not be making out with this guy.

Yeah. Let's go chokie. Could be. You're looking at them and you're like, excuse me, could I – this red pepper, could I rub it on my dick? Great. I'll have one of those. Yes, that would be lovely. Thank you.

So I'm – I didn't say can we not order this. I don't think I will like the anchovies. And because – I mean they're generally in a Caesar salad. There's anchovies in there. I think that's the – And somehow it tastes good. Right. You're not sure how that works, but somehow they make a Caesar salad, they use anchovies, and it works.

So this had a anchovy-based dressing, but also slices. Yeah. Like the sliced penises on top of a pizza. Right. So this had, and I'm like, okay, well, here's what I can do. I can, let's order this dish. Right. She's excited about it.

What I'll do is I'll just move these anchovy slices kind of onto her side of the thing. Slightly while you're serving it onto your plate. Exactly. Exactly. Like you're putting the fork down, but as you're dropping the fork, you're pushing outward in order to scoop up. Sure. And I'm not – and I'm like, oh, I'm not even noticing I'm not getting anchovies. I'm so enthralled in your story about what your favorite Netflix original is.

Right. So you're sliding this food on. It's that Aziz Ansari show. Right. Yeah. Master of None. Everybody loves it. So I managed to get a pile of salad that doesn't have a slice on it.

Right. I take a bite and it just – I mean the anchovy taste just destroys my face and body. Right. It's just, it's everywhere. It's just, you know, this piece of- That signature richness. That umami flavor. This piece of kale that was near an anchovy just tastes like I'm eating a chunk of salty

canned fish flesh. When all you want it to taste like is sweet, delicious kale. Yeah, right. Exactly. I just want that tasty superfood. Yeah. And so I'm like, ah, shit, I can't eat any more of this. So I, you know, I leave the salad alone.

I eat our other things. And I'm like, and she notices. She's like, oh, you didn't eat this. You didn't like the anchovies, did you? And I had to fess up. She like fucking dropped the hammer on you. I had to fess up to the fact that I am an anchovy pussy. But I don't know.

It doesn't make you a pussy. You're being a person. Doesn't it make nice – doesn't it provide conversation? Hey, you know what? I don't like the anchovies. I respect that you do. Sure. First and foremost, pussies are strong. Sure, sure exactly so you're quite the opposite you're sure i'm a real

anchovy testicle exactly yeah uh so yeah but it was embarrassing i did feel like i had been like caught in a not a lie but uh yeah that's insane why would you feel embarrassed by not liking a food well because because when we were discussing what to order instead of being enthusiastic about the Caesar salad, I should have said, can we pick something else? I'm not nuts about anchovies. I'll give you that. Yes. So I was kind of, I mean, not caught in a lie, caught in a half truth. I don't know.

Let's say a lie. I was being a liar. Can I ask what else you got? What were the other small plates? Oh, boy. There was a little, maybe a little gnocchi or a ravioli. Some sort of tiny pasta. And then I think we got an entree.

Split that. I forget what it was. Maybe some kind of protein. Chicken parmesan? No, it was not a chicken parmesan type place. Veal parmesan. It was a veal parmesan. All right.

Yeah, yeah. Something else. Maybe a chicken or a short rib or something. Something with a seared foie gras. Yeah. Maybe a chicken or a short rib or something. Something with a seared foie gras. Yeah. I went to a restaurant that I've not been able to get my wife to return to, but I will return in a moment, called the Dalray, which is in a place called Pico Rivera, which is sort of a no man's land of Los Angeles.

But it is like a restaurant that was created in 1935, in 1950 and has not changed since but like a fine dining restaurant that has not changed since 1950 uh which is like a in some ways a particular feature of los angeles i think just because it's so big and the real estate is relatively reasonable in some places like there are restaurants that just haven't changed in 60 years, like fine dining restaurants. And I had a clams casino, a lobster Thermidor, and a Caesar salad made at my table. Oh, you know what? I think I've heard about this Caesar salad they make at the table. This is a legendary salad.

The owner of the restaurant comes to make the Caesar salad at your table. It's their thing. They've been making Caesar salad at tables for 65 years. It involves a mortar and pestle and some anchovies. The best thing I've ever eaten in my life. I've never loved anything. I don't geek. I'm completely – like everyone else in America, I will order a Caesar salad when all the other

food at the airport looks like it's going to be soggy and gross. You know what I mean? Sure. But I don't care about Caesar salads. It blew my mind. And I think the secret is the mortar and pestle with the anchovies. And this may be the skill of this one man. Yeah.

This one 55-year-old man whose grandfather started this restaurant. Why does your wife refuse to go back? My wife does not like to drive to Pico Rivera. It's too far. Where is it? I don't know. Okay. What freeway are you getting on?

It's like south of where I live. Maybe it's in like slightly southeast LA maybe. But like how far south? I mean everything's within five miles. It's like half an hour. 30 minutes away. Yeah. So that's pretty much, I think my wife is willing to go 20 minutes for something. Yeah. She also will not

go to eat dim sum with me for the same reason. It's about half an hour from where we live. it's like all I want to go do. It's just over the line for her. Have you considered divorce? She's not a dick about it. She's very nice about it. She's one of the nicest people I've ever met.

I agree with Jordan. I think the best advice here is divorce. She also doesn't like watching a whole movie. She'll just fall asleep halfway through. Doesn't matter what the circumstances are. I mean, you're hanging on by a thread. Yeah, you're living a lie. This thing's over. Do you want to do it now on the podcast?

Makes the most sense. Yeah, just tell her- Do it with you? No, no. I mean divorce. I mean, that would break up my marriage. Sure. Yeah, yeah.

No, I don't want it to- Listen. If I did it with my long time platonic friend he's suggesting you guys have sex on microphone yeah i mean listen i want you to eat a slice of your penis right no that's just piece of anchovy yeah right what i'm saying is i don't want you to be cruel about this okay i mean you there's, you know, there's humane ways to end a relationship. And I think, you know, chiefest among those is, you know, recording a podcast, you know, putting it in the hopper for a few days before it comes out and then letting your significant

other hear that. New episodes up. Yeah. Hey, honey, why don't you give a listen? Oh, Pardo is on. It's a good one. Yeah. Can I try just, I'm sort of nervous to make this call.

Could I, would you guys mind if I just did it once for you guys, just what I'm going to say to my wife? Sure. Is that okay? Mm-hmm. Excuse me, where can I find the courthouse? Okay, this doesn't need to be a drama. This is keep it light, keep it fun.

Keep it light, really? Afternoon TV, kids are fun. Keep it light. Really? Afternoon TV. Kids are watching. Let's sell this. Bright eyes. Smile when you say it. Yeah. Excuse me.

This is good. Where can I find the courthouse? It's lovely. Is that good? I think it's fantastic, and I think you're on the right path. You think she's going to like that? She's going to love it. I mean, you're a married man.

You know what it's like to have a restaurant driving distance conflict. Well, we have different... My wife is a vegetarian and I am not. And then we have an eight-year-old who's becoming pickier by the day. So it's getting less...

Places we can go to are getting less and less. Is your eight-year-old more or less picky than you? Because you only eat at like a list of like four restaurants, right? No, that's not – I will eat – I'll eat at – Hometown buffet. I've not eaten there in a while, but I used to love it on the road.

I did love hometown buffet on the road. That's accurate. When we went – we have only been to a lunch once. Yes. But as I recall, and it was years and years ago. Where did we go? Five years ago, Fresh Mex restaurant in Larchmont Village. Maybe a Baja.

Oh, we went to that great burrito place that's no longer there. Yeah. Yeah, we went to that burrito place. You didn't like it. You didn't care for it. It was fine. It was fine to me. We used to, Matt and I,

the avocado grill it was called. There we go. Matt and I used to go there on a regular basis. So the question was, is your child more picky or less picky than you? Much more. Much more. I'm not that picky. I just like certain things. What will your what will your

charming son consume and what won't he consume? Well, it varies from day to day. That's the fucking worst, isn't it? When they tell you about something they hate. And they loved it yesterday. I fucking made that yesterday. That was the only fucking thing.

I made four things because you kept insisting that you wanted to eat this one thing. Now I made it for you and you don't want it? Yes, that's what happens. By the way, Jesse never has any anecdotes anymore, any cool anecdotes. He doesn't bother. He just has some complaint about his kid. Confirmed. Something that his son said.

What's the main thing? What's the main thing right now? Peanut butter and jelly? No. Boy, what is the main thing? Well, he's sick of this particular Mexican take on sharkies. That's a chain. But I like it.

And so Danielle works near there. It's easy for her to pick it up and bring it home so that we're not eating at a crazy hour. And in fairness, he's tired of it. Sure. It's because we've had it a lot. Because she can get the salmon. I get the steak and then he'll get whatever he wants and then it turns out now he wants none of it.

Right. None of it was satisfied. Nothing on the Sharky's menu. It's not here for the Sharky's at the moment. I imagine they serve a quesadilla there. They probably got the quesadilla, the taco. Right. They've got a lot of your Mexican dishes. Right.

Right. They've got a lot of your Mexican dishes. Right. Now, is there something that you, like Jesse, has, you know, the SGV dim sum that he feels like he cannot eat with the family? Is there something that you, you know, can't wait to have but have trouble talking them into getting? You know what? This is going to sound so lame, but there is a new pizza chain in town. Not all that new. Fresh Brothers. I've seen the Fresh Brothers billboards.

Have not had it. I love it. My son has it in his head that he hates it. Danielle doesn't care. But he, in his head, thinks he hates it. There's no evidence that he does because he loves it when we eat it. But he now thinks he hates it. So I now have to, if they are, hey, we're going to be busy.

I'll go to Fresh Brothers for dinner. You're going straight to Fresh Brothers. Yeah. Okay. I got a thumbs up from outside of the studio, by the way. About Fresh Brothers. Yeah. Brian loves it.

Brian loves it. Why not? Tell us about this pizza. Brian is so happy about Fresh Brothers. It's very Chicago style. Oh, yeah? Legit, not deep dish. Bullshit. What does it mean to be a Chicago stylestyle, what were those words you used?

Thin crust? Thin crust, cut in a square. Thin crust pizza. It's just the shape. Cut in squares, very cheesy, nice sauce on it. Not as greasy as... For the at-home listener, for anyone who's not here, let the record show that Jimmy did a gesture indicating sprinkling cheese. I did.

As he said, very cheesy. Pending a picture. absolutely, of course. We need to be here. We need the most vivid version of Jimmy Pardo that we can get. Giving you the best I can. Thank you very much, Jimmy. I'm giving you the best that I got. Great song from the 80s.

We're so happy to have you here. Is that the great Anita Baker? Is that who that is? Don't know. Asking the wrong guy. No, you know, it is. It isn't, is it? I Don't know. Asking the wrong guy. No, you know, it is. It isn't. Is it?

I don't know. Could be Patrice Russian. No, I know it's not her. What if it is? Then I'd look like the a-hole now. It's Anita Baker. You look like a real fucking asshole now. Actually, I think it was...

It's Patrice Russian, you monster. Patrice Russian was a great jazz vocalist. I think it was the Fresh Brothers. It was the Fresh Brothers. They produced it. They produced it. Oh, okay. Yeah, right. Famous Tin Pin Alley producers was the Fresh Brothers. It was the Fresh Brothers. They produced it. Oh, okay. Yeah, right. Famous Tin Pin Alley producers, the Fresh Brothers.

Wait, there was a thumbs up. Is it Anita Baker? It is Anita Baker. So I'm going to ask you both to suck it. Okay. No, seriously. Yes, sir. Can I just eat a little slice?

Thank you. Thank you, James. Jordan, how are you? What's going on with you, buddy? A guy that I thought might be fun to devote a little of the show today to talking about Prius ownership. Of course. I mean. Well, look, Jordan, this is a Los Angeles-based podcast.

We've already talked about local restaurants. Sure. Let's move on to the next logical. I mean, we talked about auditions, local restaurants. Sure. Now I think it's time to chat about Prius ownership. Right. I've been a member of the club for maybe six months now.

It's been a whirlwind. It's just been a whirlwind. Which one did you get? I got the C. I got the compact one for city driving, easy parking, zippy little number. I understand. Bright blue. Mm-hmm.

Never been happier. Does that have a parking sensor on it? You know, that is something that I could have gotten if I upgraded my package. You didn't get the trim level for it. No, no, no. Yeah. Would you get a base trim? Got the base.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. By the way, you can have that turned off. Oh, really? Because it's really distracting and horrible. Oh, okay. Especially if you love to crash into people. Yeah.

It gets in your way. I know what I'm doing. Right. I don't need to be reminded. I need to cause this car accident to jack off. So I get it. Crash. I've seen that movie.

I'm happily married, so I always get bass trim. Sure. Yeah, yeah. When I was single, sometimes it was... I see. Yeah. But go ahead. You don't get the strange package.

No. Get out there and get that strange. No, sir. It's another 2,000 bucks. Yeah. Here is... Now, it's been a dream. Wouldn't trade it for the world.

Mm-hmm. Something that has happened because of it... Has that been offered to you? Yes, it has. Oh offered to you? yes it has oh boy someone offered me you were just sitting at home world conquest

you were just sitting at home cooking going I want the world yeah I want the whole world and then just a little devil appeared over you that can be arranged all I need is your Prius C

fellas I'm just back from Georgia I didn't have a good outcome there hear me out on this world for your Prius C. Fellas, I'm just back from Georgia. I didn't have a good outcome there. Hear me out on this world for your Prius deal. This character, by the way, is called Unusual Strategies Devil. His two main things are fiddling contests and trading for products. Like when I set a wheels. He goes to the devil boss.

He's like, boss, I got six prizes today. Oh, Arthur. I don't know, man. And my fiddling is steadily improving. I don't know if this is the most efficient use of our devil resources. Something that has been. I got a know if this is the most efficient use of our devil resources. Something that has been... I got a job with Charlie Rich. Oh. You know, what goes on behind closed doors.

Something that happens when you own a new Prius is that when you are at a stoplight or a red light... People try and get you in drag races. People try and get in your car because they think you're their Uber. This happens to be twice this week. Twice this week, someone has, I have been at a stoplight, and I felt a yank on my passenger side door,

only to look at someone who makes a motion, you know, to which I can only interpret as, I thought this was my Uber. Right. A kind of, you know, hands flailing around the head motion. They're always pretty embarrassed. So that's been happening. I, you know, make sure to lock my door

so a guy doesn't jump in. But the most recent time this happened, an attractive young lady tries to get in, realizes I'm not her Uber runs back to the sidewalk what if this was what if this was the

the meet cute to end all meet cutes yeah and I fucking missed it oh yeah you know what I don't know if you remember this but I did tell the story once

of the time that a man got into my car in San Francisco my Subaru Legacy wagon I don't think so this is really okay so one time I was driving in down Geneva Avenue in San Francisco, my Subaru Legacy Wagon. I don't think so. This is, really? Okay, so one time I was driving down Geneva Avenue in San Francisco

with my brother in the passenger seat in my, again, Subaru Legacy Wagon. If you want to know the trim LSI, that's the luxury package. That means that it had a moonroof that was constantly leaking on my head. Actually, it would leak into the headliner, and then the headliner would drip onto my head. Anyway, one time we were just driving down the street, and a guy just got into the back seat, and he's like, hey, man, where are you guys going?

What? Hey, man, where are you guys going? Just a fucking high out of his mind guy. What did you do? I was like, I just took him. I drove him down the street. I said, listen, we're going down Geneva. I can take you as far as Ocean.

All right. And at Ocean, I said, this is it. Last stop. And he got out. Great. It was insane. The whole time, I'm like white-knuckling the steering wheel. Is this man about to murder me?

Is this man carjacking me? It never occurred to you to go, I'm going about a block? And then you could just say, well, here we are, dude. Well, I needed something that felt like an accomplishment to him. Sure. I think that would have. He was high. Yeah.

And I want to be clear. When I say he was high, I mean that he was on some kind of intense upper. Not that he was. He wasn't blizzard relaxed. Yeah. And I want to be clear. Like, when I say he was high, I mean that he was on some kind of intense upper. Not that he was – he wasn't blizzard relaxed. Yeah. No, he was not being super chill. Sure. He was, like, yelling at us. But not rudely.

I mean, outside of the fact that he had gotten into a car without our permission. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, no, I think this person – Anyway, the moral of the story is – Just let him in. Take him a couple of in. That was my – Take him a couple of blocks. That was my wife, Teresa.

Oh, that's how you guys met. See, there you go. Oh, boy. So was I. Now, does she still do crank? No, she is cranked right now. Oh, that's great. I mean, she does crank when she can get her hands on it.

Like, when I find it, I flush it down the toilet. Yeah. But more often than not, yeah, she's cranked. Mm-hmm. toilet. Yeah. But more often than not, yeah, she's cranked. Mm-hmm.

One of the big problems, not a lot of copper wires left in our walls. Oh, yeah. She's taking a hard time with the appliances and stuff like that. And she's losing teeth. But besides that, we really have a wonderful relationship. She's a really wonderful person. Jordan, you got to get divorced. Yeah. I'm circling back to that.

Sounds like, yeah. It sounds like if we could make a little list here. She's really chill wonderful person. Jordan, you gotta get divorced. Yeah. I'm circling back to that. Sounds like, yeah, it sounds like if we could make a little list here. She's really chill about new pizza places. She doesn't care what shape they cut the slices into. Neither does my wife. It's my son that has a problem with it. By the way, if we were making jokes about me and my wife getting

divorced, I'd be furious. So, I want to apologize to you. He's just taking this with a lot of good humor. He really has. I would be like, all right, dude, it's cool. Too far. Yeah, too far. Jimmy, let's be honest.

We don't know each other that well. Right? Yeah. You and I both have charming, beautiful wives that we're lucky to have. Oh, no question. Yeah. Your wife, Danielle, my wife, Teresa, both 10 out of 10. Yes.

Wonderful ladies. And I'm also going to agree. Yeah. And I've got this woman who wanted to get in my car and the door was locked and now I don't know what could have been. What could have been, guys? Can I ask you a question? Sure. Was the woman like Helen Hunt or something?

She was Hunt-esque. Yeah. Yeah. Well, then I think it could work. I think it could work as a meet-cute. Yeah. I mean, I guess I'll just need another opportunity. Maybe I should just start.

Why didn't I say Meg Ryan or some person who's actually starred in film romantic comedy? Helen Hunt has not? Well, I don't know. Has Helen Hunt? That tracked to me. She was a movie star for a while, right? But like never one that anyone would want.

I mean, Helen Hunt's great. Don't get me wrong. I think she's wonderful at the things she does. But I don't think anyone, she was one of those people that was in a, starred in a lot of movies for a person that no one would ever be like, we got to go see that new Helen Hunt movie. Never. Yeah. Was she in like –

The Jack Nicholson movie? You know, I can't name a Hunt. Wasn't Helen Hunt in like Twister or something? She was in Twister. Yeah. And then she was in – what's the one with Jack Nicholson and Greg Kinnear? Oh, It's Good As It Gets. It's Good As It Gets.

That's the key Hunt. That's the most prominent Jack Nicholson and Greg Kinnear? Oh, It's Good As It Gets. As Good As It Gets. That's the key hunt. That's the most prominent hunt. Oh, and Mr. Saturday Night. She's great in Mr. Saturday Night. Sure, yeah. Is she as good as Billy Crystal is? Because one of the great things about Billy Crystal, I don't know if you've seen the movie, but one of the great things about the movie is he kind of takes you through this character's life.

I like the movie. I know you want to crap all over it. Sure. I like it. So I'm not going to tolerate this line. Does she take you on a journey at all? She does. He does.

Have you seen her one-man show? My six months making a movie? It's very touching. I look forward to seeing it. It's very touching. You know, her sister is a headshot photographer. Really? Used to have an ad in Backstage West.

Is that Francis Hunt? I can't answer that. Probably Francis Hunt. I don't know. Am I missing? No, I'm just saying the name of a lady. A lady's name. Frank Hunt? Francine Hunt? I'm trying to figure out what you're doing. I'm not doing anything.

I just said a lady's name. Mr. Saturday Night was one of those movies that I have super fond memories of. Couldn't really tell you what it's about, but I think I watched it at that time where I just figured out I was interested in comedy. Yeah, I think it was perfect for that. And anything- You just figured out you're sexual. Yeah, which is- Elderly Jewish comedian.

Yeah, which is, yeah, I'm a crystal sexual. And just anything with like- You look marvelous. anything with Billy Crystal Steve Martin Eddie Murphy I just loved I just assumed they were even if I didn't understand the jokes I was laughing I felt like I was a grown-up watching a movie and you know just but just looking back those guys did so much garbage around that time sure I probably shouldn't rewatch any of those movies. Have you seen the movie Clifford?

Yeah. I think I've seen Clifford. Oh, you love it, right? Are you the one of our friends that loves it? I wouldn't say that I love it. I'll tell you who loves it. Our friend Tom Sharpling from the best show on WFMU loves it. It's maybe his favorite movie, I think. Is that Martin Short and Charles Grodin?

Yes. Okay. And he plays a little boy. An odd child. Yeah. And they go to Dinosaur World. Clifford's great dream is to go to Dinosaur World.

I had been confused about Martin Short because I had only known Martin Short doing his less funny things. I was not around when Martin Short was at his peak or paying attention around when martin short was at his peak or paying attention to martin short when he was at his peak name one that wasn't just like i think if you're not on board if you don't understand like it was one of those things where when you're a kid you

might not catch the tone of what he's doing you know'll give you that. It's such a weird and specific tone that if that doesn't connect with you immediately, you're just like, who is this weird old guy? Like, I feel the same way about Martin Mull. Like, I think Martin Mull is some kind of genius, probably. I don't know. I just, I never have understood what he's doing. I have no animus towards him,

but I've never understood what he's doing. So anyway, I kind of felt that way. He didn't love that scene in The Player where he asked Tim Robbins if he wanted a Cointreau and Soty. Oh, I did love that scene. That is fucking hilarious. Who doesn't love the scene

where he asks Tim Robbins if he wants a Cointreau and Soty? That's one of the fucking funniest things ever. Yeah. I hadn't thought about that in a long time. Cointreau and Soty. Anyway, that really is one of the funniest things. It is kind of the twin line reading to John Goodman's Three Orange Whips that I think we've talked about.

John Candy's Three Orange Whips. John Candy. Excuse me. R.I.P. Yeah. But yeah. Anyway. Continue.

So anyway, I was confused about what was good about Martin Short. I was not trying to be a jerk about it because I knew that people whose opinions I really liked revered him. And Tom was like, you've got to watch Clifford. How is that a movie? That is the craziest shit ever. Isn't the situation like it was a thing where Martin Short was supposed to play the dad and a child was supposed to play the child and then martin short's like no i want to play the child i don't know that but that's amazing if it's true well i mean because it combines two things one is obviously charles groden is amazing how is it possible that he

was a movie star like how is it possible that there was a time in america when just a guy whose stick was being disagreeable right just like grumble grumbling and complaining and being unpleasant which again i grant you is amazing he's amazing at it he's the greatest ever at it and but he was a movie like the star of some of the biggest movies of the period when he was a movie star. So there's that A, that just one of the main movie stars in this is a guy whose only thing that he does is be grating. The other is a man playing an annoying child, an adult man in child clothes. I wanted to go to Dinosaur World. I think someone calls it Dinosaur World in that movie, which I really like.

Jimmy, have you gotten to show Oliver to the age where you can sit him down in front of a classic movie and try and get him to watch it? Sure. Now that you've asked me and put me on the spot, I won't think of one, but we've seen – he's seen a lot of movies. Mm-hmm. He's – God, what – He likes a movie musical, doesn't he? I remember there was a period when he was –

Oh, he used to – he loved – Like Singing in the Rain. He loved it. Now he does not. Loves Grease. I watched Singing in the Rain recently for the first time. And? Not for me.

No. There's a lot of good in there. There's a lot of good in there. Yeah, but man, there's some boring parts. Oh, there's no question. But there's a lot of good, too. Yeah. I like the dancing.

In the car, he's enjoying Hamilton, the soundtrack, my son. Sure. And School of Rock. We went to see School of Rock in New York, and he loved it. The musical. Can I just mention briefly, our Max Funster, Lin-Manuel Miranda, did a special observance of My Brother, My Brother and Me, our sister show here on the Max Fun Network, during the Grammys.

What happened? He's been recording- Did he say peepums or something? No. He's been recording videos with legit major celebrities saying, great job, Griffin, which is a running joke on My Brother, My Brother and Me. So like I want to say he got the rock to do one. Really? Like really famous celebrities.

What's a Carly Rae Jepsen did one. Jepsen. did one. Jepsen. And then he went into the My Brother, My Brother and Me Facebook group, Lyndon, and posted, I'm going to do a special beeping a horn, beeping a car horn dance move during the Hamilton number in the Grammys. That means great job, Griffin. So watch it.

And when I do that move, that means I'm saying great job Griffin and he did it and he did it and then he went back in the Facebook group and say that night the night of the Grammys

he should be at John Legend's house he's in that Facebook group going hey guys I did the thing did you see amazing

God bless that man well now I'm jealous no one's doing deep references to our shows on any national telecasts. That's how I would take this. I'm not. Listen, I'm not.

I have a hard time feeling happy for someone who's not me. Did you see Kendrick Lamar's performance at the Grammys? I got it. It was amazing. And at the end, after, you know his song, All Right? Mm-hmm. We gon' be all right. Mm-hmm.

That song? Mm-hmm. Anyway, full short. You know what? I got up to take a shit. God, I should not have. Yeah. Well, hey, thanks to Compton's own Kendrick Lamar.

Yeah, one of the greats. For that shout out. The great Kendrick Lamar. Big Jordan Jesse Go fan. Who I did not know was not a Laker player until maybe six months ago. That's a true statement. You're thinking of D'Angelo Russell. Oh, that's right.

Was there a guy that played for the Lakers that sounded like Kendrick Lamar though? Is there a reason why I would have thought this? Racism. Other than that. That's always on the table. I also did not know who the F. Oh, the guy from the Super Bowl. I just don't follow. The guy from the

Super Bowl. The guy everybody's mad at. They called him a thug, even though he didn't really do anything wrong. Oh, Cam Newton. Cam Newton. You're talking about Cam Newton. Didn't know Cam Newton was African-American. Yeah. Because I don't follow it.

You thought he was a soft cake cookie. Well, I thought it was Cameron. I'm Cameron Newton. Oh. You know, of course, my parents got me a scholarship. I'm Cam Newton. I had assumed that he was fruit and cake. Oh, no.

That's a dessert treat that you're thinking. Oh, I got confused. You're thinking of the fig. It's so funny that there's many Newtons. Apple Newton. Right. Strawberry Newton. Right.

That the most popular of the Newtons was the fig one. Yeah. I know this sounds like an evening at the improv routine that I'm starting. Strawberry Newton. Right. That the most popular of the Newtons was the fig one. Yeah. And yet nobody- I know this sounds like an evening at the improv routine that I'm starting. Push your sleeves up, Jordan. Yeah, push my sleeves up. Let's get into it. Come on after Saturday Night Live for a brief period.

Isn't it funny? Anyway. How does the fig win that? How does the fig win? Have you ever had a fig? You like apples? What's up, man? You like strawberries?

Anyway. Nobody ever says you want a handful of figs. There you go. You get the fig, Newton. I think you got a new fig chunk, Jimmy. Oh, I don't. That's your piece. It is?

Bring it to Hardwick. Bring it over at midnight. Put that in the opening. Hardwick will sell it. Yeah. Oh, will he ever? He's got that fucking connection with the audience. He'll just look deep down their eyes.

I'll say, oh, I know him. Destroy a fig joke. Yeah. God bless him. A fig chunk. You know what? Hmm. Don't give it to Hardwick.

Give it to that lady's dad who's the stage manager. Sure. Oh, Jon Stewart? Yeah. Wait, Jon Stewart is the stage manager? His name is Jon Stewart. Yeah. Wow.

He's Kristen Stewart's dad. Kristen Stewart's dad, John Stewart. Give it to him. He can do it while he's indicating the exits. You know what? Maybe I'll just send it to a member of the Comedy Central late night family. Think Larry Wilmore could sell the fig chunk? I think Larry Wilmore would love the fig chunk.

I mean, I know that he does mostly like social issues. Social issues and cookies. But, I mean, I know that he does mostly like social issues. Social issues and cookies. But, I mean, technically it's not a cookie. It's fruit and cake. But I think he could sort of fold it in. A cookie is just a cookie. Right. Exactly.

But I think, don't you think he could move from his cookie stuff right into it? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, it's a seamless segue. Right. All right. Well, look for my fig chunk on Larry Wilmore sometime next week. Can I suggest something instead as an alternative? Have you thought about sending it to Broad City?

Also a company. Yeah. I think they would really like that. Sure. They could build a humorous scenario around it is what I'm thinking. Yeah. Just to spin it out into a fun. Well, you know, I guess, listen, let me just put it out there because I know that everyone

listens. I got that everyone listens. I got it. The solution is here. I'm listening. You point a video camera at you. It could even just be a phone video camera. You eat the cookie, excuse me, fruit and cake, the Newton, in an amusing way. You send that to Tosh.

Yeah. Point O? That's the one, Jimmy. That's the one. Yeah, Mr. Point O. Okay. He's on to something here. I'm sorry.

I was thinking Peter Tosh. Is that? Yeah, the reggae great. Yeah. Send it to him. He's about to be hungry. Yes. This is it.

Send it to Peter Tosh. Okay. Great. It's coming your way, Pete. I don't know how you want me to get that to you. Is he dead? Is Peter Tosh dead? Don't know.

Or is Jimmy Cliff dead? Or either dead. I'm going to say Peter Tosh is alive. Jimmy Cliff is dead. I want to say it's the other two. The other way. Flip-flop that. Really?

We just talked about this on Never Not Funny, and I'm going to be wrong. Really? What do you got? Peter Tosh is dead. Jimmy Cliff alive. So I was right. Flip-flop it. God damn it.

Well, I win that contest Congratulations What about Steel Pulse Are Steel Pulse alive Steel Pulse Saw them open up For In Excess Sure In the 80s

That sounds like An 80s thing They were both In the same label I believe No they weren't Steel Pulse was on MCA That's why I was there

Who did Red Red Wine UB40 Yeah UB40 Written by the great Neil Diamond Oh That's great Here's a true. Written by the great Neil Diamond. Oh. That's great. Here's a true rap from Neil Diamond

from his live album. With UB40, we be number one! Yeah, cool. He's known for his stage banter, Neil Diamond. It's as, you go for the, of course you go for all the hit songs. Forever in Blue Jeans. Love it.

The other Sweet Caroline. Porcupine Pie. Mm-hmm. That might be Neil Sedaka. Yeah. I don't believe it. I don't believe it's Neil. Porcupine Pie.

Who sings Porcupine Pie? Donovan? I can't pull it. Sounds like a Donovan. Sounds like something he thought of while on Mushrooms. It is Neil Donovan. My apologies. Porcupine Pie.

I will apologize. Porcupine Pie. Why does it sound like a producer's in a wind tunnel? Oh, he is. He's training to be an astronaut. I guess that explains it. Yeah, so he's looking to leave the world of, you know, the admittedly glamorous world of podcasting for the kind of smaller, quieter world of astronautism. This is grand control.

Astronautism. Astronautism. True word. control. Astronautism. Astronautism. True word. Yeah. Is that like a religion? So I just wrote a song about all the ridiculous flavors that I imagined in a... What are we playing here? Wow, this is like a live contemporary version.

Of Porcupine Pie? Hold for it. He's just vamping right now. Porcupine Pie. Oh, I know this song. Why did I? I don't know. You just, you know, and I think you, you, why you got mixed up. You, you know, the more famous Sinead O'Connor cover.

Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. I think he originally recorded it, but Sinead, you know, Sinead O'Connor. Well, he. Yeah. Thank you. Because I think he originally recorded it, but Sinead O'Connor... Well, he wrote all the hits for the Monkees as well, and so that's why I assumed that he wrote that for Sinead. I had not heard his version. I don't think he wrote it for Sinead.

I think Sinead covered it. He actually originally wrote it for the time. Morris Day's band? Yeah. Oh, that's interesting. Jerome was going to sing it. Jerome. This time, and Jerome.

We'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Hello, Brent. Travis. Welcome to Trends Like These. What's Trends Like These, you ask? Well, it's a podcast where we take the news trending on the internet and we cover it in podcast form.

We go beyond the headlines, beyond the memes to bring you the real story so that when your friends bring it up, you can look real smart. We take things that need to be debunked and we debunk them. And then we take things that need to be re-bunked and we re-bunk them. We bring you all the details and we give you a spin on it. Our opinions, our thoughts, and we also try to dig up some positive things to talk about. So it's not all bummers. Just a couple of real life friends talking internet trends. So join us every Thursday on MaximumFun.org and wherever podcasts are found. It's Jordan Jesse Go

I'm Jesse Thorne The voice of the millennial generation. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jimmy Pardo. That's all you need. Yeah, it is. I don't need a tagline like you fellas. I just wanted to give it a second to reverberate from coast to coast and around the globe.

Oh, thanks, Art Bell. Or is that George Norrie? Well, they've both been crushed together in a singularity. Right. They're now one being. Those poor fellas. And it's a lizard man. Yeah.

Aha. Hey, I want to mention, before we get to momentous occasions, I want to mention two things. Number one, Max Fun Con East reservations now open. Hey! The Poconos Labor Day weekend. We're bringing back Max Fun Con East. It's going to be epic. You can get your – what do you call it?

You can put down your deposit right now at MaxFunCon.com. It's going to be really fantastic. It's Friday through Sunday on Labor Day weekend. It's going to be a blast. Going to have a lot of great people there. I'm not going to tell you who yet, but put down your deposit because we've already, like we literally, we just, as I'm recording this, we opened the deposits like a couple of hours

ago. We've already got like 60. Oh boy, let's go. And there's only a couple hundred slots total, including performers. So maxfuncon.com for that. The other is, a lot of people buying stuff from the Put This On shop that are Jordan Jesse Go listeners, and I'm very grateful to all of them. Jimmy, you're a gentleman. You're familiar with the Put This On Shop that are Jordan Jesse Go listeners, and I'm very grateful to all of them. Jimmy, you're a gentleman.

You're familiar with the Put This On brand. It's my signature menswear line. I love it, and I would wear it if I was given a sample, and I just thought I could try it out. Jimmy, would you like a sample? Yeah. Okay, you got it, buddy. You got it. No sweat, Brett.

I don't like that character. I don't like this guy at all, but I appreciate that I'm getting something. Anyway, we got at the Put This On Shop, Pocket Squares, of course, and made in Los Angeles. We got vintage and antique accessories and notions, which are really sweet. Some blankets recently, some woolen blankets recently, vintage blankets, lots of cool stuff. It's all at PutThisshop.com. And if you use the code FULLCHORT, as made famous by Kendrick LeBar in the Grammy Awards, you get free shipping. Ah, the Laker great.

Yeah. Legendary Laker star. Slam dunkster himself. FULLCHORT. You're talking about FULLCHORT, right? Yep. The power forward? Oh, yeah.

For the Showtime Lakers? Yeah. Then he left, and then he was with the Globetrotters for a little while. Yes. I got it for FULLCHORT. I'm he was with the Globetrotters for a little while. Yes. I got it for full charge. I'm going to see the Globetrotters this weekend. I haven't been to a basketball game since I was 13 years old. Well, you're still not going to one.

I'm going to a Warriors-Clippers game on Saturday night, and I'm going back to the Stable Center on Sunday for the Harlem Globetrotters. How old's your child? Four years old. Four and a half. I brought Oliver twice to see the Harlem Globetrotters, and by weird your child? Four years old. Four and a half. I brought Oliver twice to see the Harlem Globetrotters. And by weird coincidence, both times, we got courtside seats. They're not cheap seats.

What happened? You just went on to StubHub? No, I did not. I went on city events or whatever. And then I said, give me the best two at this price rate, which was not a crazy price. And those are the two that came up. And so we sat courtside. Right.

And he loved it. And then the second time we went, they grabbed a kid out of the audience at one point. And slam dunk him. And they put him in the basket. Yeah. They grabbed Oliver and ran with him around the basketball court. And then they have their patter, put Justin Bieber down. That's good.

And then they put Oliver down, and Oliver ran back to his seat, and that was it, man. The Globetrotters are not a good thing. They scared the shit out of him. Then I brought him to a real basketball game, and he spent the entire time going, when do they throw their confetti at you? Sure, yeah.

There's no ladders. Where's the ball on the string, Dad? Yeah. He's just a big Washington General. Oh, he loves them. He wrote it. It was heartbroken that they lost both the games that we went to. Yeah.

My younger son is heartbroken that he's not coming. He's two, and he literally came up to me yesterday, and he said, Dad, can I go to the baseball too this weekend? This weekend? Let me tell you something. Your son, he's go to the baseball too this weekend? This weekend? Let me tell you something. Your son, he's going to love it. Yeah. It's great fun.

You know, we don't need to go a third time. He likes hot dogs. I know that. So a bare minimum, I'll buy him a hot dog. Get him a hot dog. They got a McDonald's right there as well. Whatever you need there at the Staples Center. I love the texture of a hot dog.

I wish I could come up with like a metaphor to describe the texture of a hot dog. Stay out of this conversation. It's a little like a – It's like an anchovy. Yeah. It's like an anchovy, which in turn is like a mushroom, which in turn is like a little slice of penis. When something momentous happens to you, we hope that you will call us at 206-9844-FUN for our beloved signature segment, Momentous Occasions. Forgot the name of it.

So you couldn't think of thin crust pizza, Momentous Occasions. This is what happens when I took my migraine pill before the show and then I had a Coke to try and balance it out. Not balancing. No, it is not balancing correctly. They're fighting. They are at war in your brain. Let me put it this way. I need a rotation and balance. My wheels are wobbling. Oh, boy. Let balancing correctly. They're fighting. They are at war in your brain. Let me put it this way. I need a rotation and balance.

My wheels are wobbling. Oh, boy. Let's take our first call. Hey, guys. I was just walking to get coffee this morning, and I see a group of three people who are going to get in a taxi. They're looking kind of lost. And so there's a van with a sliding door opening, and they all pile in, all three of them. There's a van with a sliding door opening, and they all pile in, all three of them.

And then as they're all three already in the van, an identical van across the street honks a horn, and they turn and realize that they have just all gone into the van of a woman with her four-year-old son taking him to school, who is so frightened and so confused. And so they just all get out and go in the other van, and she has no idea what happened. Really crazy. Thank you guys so much. You know, we already talked about that on the show. I mean, that's crazy. Sure.

This is a nice little bit of synergy. What did you call it, synergy? Or is it more like when Warner Brothers merged with AOL and it just didn't really benefit both companies? I think it's insane that that's the phone call. Yeah. That it came up organically on this program and then that was the call. I think it's insane that that's the phone call. Yeah. That it came up organically on this program and then that was the call. I think it's insane. People getting in each other's cars.

Yes. Wrongly. It's not common. Yet you have a story. He has a story. This fella has a story. You are not driving the right Prius, Jimmy. Or I am driving the perfect one that keeps people away.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't drive. My wife drives a Prius. Yeah. I, of course, have a Volkswagen Electric. Nice. How's that keeps people away. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't drive. My wife drives a Prius. Yeah. I, of course, have a Volkswagen Electric. Nice. How's that going? Love it.

No one tries to jump in? No. They don't hear it coming. It's very quiet. Are you concerned at all that your Volkswagen e-Golf, the model name sounds a little bit like a vaping store? No. Or a vaping accessory. I did not think of that until the very second,

and the best way to sell this is to murder you. That's the only way to get it out of my mind, is to never risk you saying it again. Let's take another call. I just got in some guy's van. What? Another one? One more?

Hey, Jesse. Hey, go. Hey, I just want to tell you about this great moment. I just had a Safeway up in the Bay Area. What up, Jesse? But no. Can you pause this for a second? Over to the clearance section.

Look, we all know that I'm from San Francisco. We all know that I love to talk about San Francisco. That doesn't mean that just because you drop Safeway, the West Coast grocery chain... He said Bay Area. But look, this kind of pander... I just don't want people pandering. I don't want people

to just call up with some boring fucking momentous occasion like, oh, I saw a guy wearing a snake around his neck. And then just at the end of it, they just go,

carting us out a burrito. Well, I mean... Burrito with rice in it. Let's see. Let's see what this guy comes out with. By the way. Willie Brown. If it's a guy with a snake around his neck, I'm going to kill myself.

Then the show is just taking an odd turn that I don't understand. I saw a guy with a snake around his neck and another exotic pet at the same time. He's interesting. You know what I am? Speaking of this podcast being kind of oddly predictive, I am a little worried because, you know, a little peek behind the curtain here. We're recording this on a Wednesday evening. I see.

It goes up on Mondays. We got a couple of days. I am genuinely worried that something bad will happen to Kanye West because we talked about him at the beginning of the show. Yeah. You know, slow unraveling. His behavior has been worrying. I am genuinely worried in Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

That is enough time for Kanye to buy a blimp and crash it. Should we record just a real quick thing to fit in that slot just in case something does happen to kanye west sure yeah let's just do something kind of like evergreen okay yeah how about this so kanye west is in the news lately uh we all respect and value his contributions to our culture i like that yeah just slide that in there great so brian what you can do is just slide that in there. Great. So Brian, what you can do is just edit that in there if something bad happens to Kanye West. And that way we'll seem like we're valuing his... You know what? Should we just record one where we leave him out of it entirely? Okay. Just let me do one. I think you can slide it in there. I'm thinking

about it. I'll notice. Yeah, I'll set you up, okay? Okay. Hey, Jordan, how do you feel about Donald Trump? Well, I don't know about him, but I do think we should all be watching Two Broke Girls Monday nights on CBS. Okay, great. Let's take our next call. Wait, was that all the calls? We got one. No, the guy didn't even say what happened. Hey, Jordan.

Hey, Jesse. Hey, go. Hey, I just want to tell you about this great moment I just had. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Safeway in the Bay Area. Hey, Jesse. Madison Bumgarner, whatever. Jose Uribe.

And I saw that they had Clif Bars on sale on clearance, and I was like, whatever, I'll pick up some Clif Bars that were quality flavored. Went up to the cash register, cash register rang it up, but somehow, because it was on sale in the store, and then clearance, right, they actually started paying me $0.60 per Clif Bar.

What? So what did I do? I left, went to my car, came back, got three boxes of the Clif Bars on sale, got about $5 back from them. And then what I did is I bought some Girl Scout cookies. So that was a great day. Yeah, thank you so much. I don't understand why this happened. Why did they give him money? This does not track for me.

Why would Cliff Bars be on clearance at a Safeway in the Bay Area? That's the number one product at any Bay Area Safeway is Cliff Bars. You could jack up the price. They make those special holiday flavors. Your pumpkin pie. People could consider it distasteful.

Your cane, nutmeg. To celebrate holidays, especially religious holidays, in Sausalito or wherever it is that he is. That makes sense. I liked this guy's tone when he was picking up the Clif Bars. It was something like, I saw that they were on sale,

so I thought, whatever, I'll pick them up. He hated the Clif Bars. Well, Clif Bars. It was something like, I saw that they were on sale, so I thought, whatever, I'll pick them up. Like he hated the Clif Bars. Well, Clif Bars are foul. Yeah, sure. They're disgusting. They taste like a block of sawdust glued together with molasses. They could be a sponsor someday. Let's not badmouth the Clif Bar.

We have no sponsors on our show, Jimmy. You ever see the Clif Bar movie? Sharpling loves it. Oh. Martin Short. Really? He's playing a kind of a grainy textured protein thing. That's exactly right. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Martin Short. Really? He's playing a kind of a grainy textured protein thing. That's exactly right.

Yeah. Yeah. Huh. You know, I am a big fan of the Trader Joe's blueberry walks into a bar. Oh, that is a nice bar. If they would like to sponsor the show, I can in good conscience. How many years, Jordan? How many years have we been trying to get Trader Joe's to sponsor this show?

I think it'll happen. I think come year 10 of Jordan, Jesse, go. That's like last year. Yeah. But yeah, continue. No, it's not been 10 years. No, eight years. It's coming up.

Eight years. So I think my prediction by year 10, it's going to be Trader Joe's presents the Trader Ming's Jordan, Jesse, go. I don't want to be associated with Trader Ming's. It makes all of the ethnic Trader Joe's names make me somewhat uncomfortable. I just want regular Joe's. I don't want Trader Jose's. I don't want Trader

Ming's. Trader Wop's. Wait a minute. Get some pasta. Get some chicken parm. Hey, it's me, Trader Wop. I don't know. I don't think that. You think these are real guys who pick their own names? In his scenario, they would say, hey, I'm Trader Wop.

I love the comedy convention of someone saying, it's me, and then their voice. I like the idea that at the Trader Joe's headquarters they have a guy in charge of each type of ethnic food and he's also in charge of picking his own and he also comes in and says his name this is something that I laughed at for hours I don't think it'll translate but I'm going to try and explain how funny it was anyways something's happening at work I think we were trying to think of I don't think it'll translate, but I'm going to try and explain how funny it was anyway.

Something was happening at work. I think we were trying to think of, you know, I think the premise was, you know, what's a bad person that could enter in this delicate situation? Right. And Blank Patch, been a guest on this show before. Very funny man. Just said, it's me, George Zimmerman. The idea that George Zimmerman says, it's me, George Zimmerman, is so funny. And I know it's associated with one of the most awful things that's happened in recent memory. Yeah.

But the idea of him saying, it's me, George Zimmerman, is great. I think it's pronounced, it's me, George Zimmerman. It's great. I think it's pronounced, it's me, George Zimmerman. I'm just here to bring you this pesto. You like it, a pesto pasta. Hey. Anyway. Okay. If you want to share a momentous occasion with us, our telephone number, 206-

Jimmy, did you want to do a weird ethnic voice? I did. The last time I was in this studio was for International Waters. I did the worst British voice in the world, so I'm going to stay away from any sort of voices. Okay. Fine. 206-984-4FUN or JJGO at MaximumFun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, my best. I admit, though, in the last 20 minutes, I've kind of, while I'm present.

You've zoned out a little bit. No, no, I'm present. Just getting a little sleep. Sure. But I think because of the heat. Yeah, heat's a part of it. I'm getting a little sleepy, too. I think I'm going to get my num-num and go straight to bed.

Wow. Do you want your binky? I'll take the num-num tonight. My least favorite word in the world will be, just talked about that on Never Enough Funny. Really? You don't like binky? Oh, I hate it. Oh, you know what? I think I listened to-num tonight. My least favorite word in the world will be, just talked about that on Never Not Funny. Really? You don't like binky? Oh, I hate it. Oh, you know what?

I think I listened to that Never Not Funny. That's probably why binky's inside my head. Do you use the word binky? Yeah. That's to refer to a pacifier, typically, right? That's correct. No, to a man's penis. Yeah.

Is that correct? Yeah, that's on my other podcast. You know, where we talk about genitalia. Sure. Is it called Jordan, Jessica? Yes, it's the show. I just rerun this. On this episode,

I just narrate it. I give it a little intro and then jump in. There, did you hear it? Jimmy Pardo. Yes. The host of Never Not Funny.

Yes. One of the best, finest comedy programs in America. Thank you. You were in early. Supported One of the best, finest comedy programs in America. Thank you. You were in early. Supported early. Episode one, Jimmy.

I know you were. This is when I started listening to this program, Jordan. Episode one. Which is coming up on 10 years. I heard just Jimmy Pardo

on AST Radio. I said to myself, I got to get in on this. Matt Belknap and Jimmy Pardo. This is going to be solid gold. No, sir. You interviewed me before that because I hosted the game show. I interviewed you when you – I think I interviewed you once when Santa Cruz, when you played Rooster T. Feathers.

No, no, no, no. UK, it was at Punchline. And then you and your people – Oh, yeah. You and your friends came to see me. There you go. And you were out there with – you were wearing a tie that might have been red against a black shirt. And you guys were laughing more than anybody else. and I went, I bet you that's the guy

from Sonic America. And then afterwards you walked up and I said, are you Justin? You go, yes I am. And I was like, I knew it. So I remember. I remember exactly where we were. That's very nice of you, Jimmy. Absolutely. Maybe a little bit of an unflattering memory with the black shirt and the red tie. You look great.

You look great. I appreciate that. No, no. You look great. Oh, okay. Thank you. You look great. I appreciate that. No, no, no, no. I remembered it very sharp. Thank you. Stood out. Well, I remember Jimmy Pardo is one of the funniest comedians in America. Boom.

I wish you still were, Jimmy. I so deeply wish that you still were, but at least I have those memories. But you remember it. Okay. That's all the best. I have those memories. Yeah, we all have our Cosby moment. I get it. Close to my heart. Wait a minute we all have our Cosby moment. I get it. Close to my heart.

Wait a minute. Is that my Cosby moment? That was yours. You've been raping. I know this is an unpopular opinion, but Jimmy Pardo innocent. Yeah. All caps. Good.

Thank you. Jimmy Pardo innocent. Thank you. Somebody's on my side. Yeah. Thank you, Jordan. Jimmy Pardo also the host of Science Channel's The Great Escape Room. Nope.

Race to Escape. Race to Escape on the Science Channel. Season one is on Science Channel, yes. Where's season two? We are still... We'll find out. Yeah, well, I guess we'll find out. Yeah.

We'll see. But people seem to really enjoy season one. NBC, probably. Oh, boy. Wouldn't that be nice? Step up. Go from cable to network. Yeah, make the move.

You got to make the move. Not like community that went the other direction. Yeah. Jimmy Pardo.? Step up. Go from cable to network. Yeah, make the move. Mm-hmm. Right? You got to make the move. Not like community that went the other direction. Yeah. Jimmy Pardo- You move up. You don't move down. Known the world over as my Aunt Deb's favorite game show host. That seems high.

She loves- One time I went to go to visit my Aunt Deb in Arlington, Virginia. She and my Uncle Wayne cannot stop talking about how much they love this show called National Lampoon's Funny Money. I'm like, there's no fucking way that I'm watching a show called National Lampoon's Funny Money. That is the most embarrassing phrase I've ever heard in my entire life. As a reminder, that was the game show where big laughs get you big bucks, then get you canceled. I never saw the program. Hence the cancellation.

I am the Nielsen family. Yes. Well, myself and Rick. From Cheap Trick. Yes. And like five years later, maybe, I see Jimmy Pardo do stand-up. I think, holy shit, this guy is amazing. As you know, I'm a big fan of yours, Jimmy.

And then I'm like, wait a minute. I think that's the guy my Aunt Deb likes so much. Who knew? Aunt Deb, right on the money. She gets it. She also likes Terry Crews a lot. She's right about that, too. Terry Crews, very popular.

You've got a cross-generational appeal. Very high-energy Terry Crews. Yeah. I like Terry Crews. Very funny on Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Yeah, he's hilarious. He's a hilarious guy. He's an amazing dude, too. He came in here and was on Bull Crews. Yeah. I like Terry Crews. Very funny on Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Yeah, he's hilarious. He's a hilarious guy.

He's an amazing dude, too. He came in here and was on Bullseye. Yeah? He is like, he is an amazing human being. He was a good person. Like, profound. I call him TC. Do you think he'd appreciate that? He would love that.

He'd give you a hug and you'd just feel his muscles. I would just write just those pythons coming at me. That guy's got defined muscles probably in his lower back. Yeah. You know what I mean? I do know what you mean, yes. He's got a cut lower back. I'm listening.

He's got a cut. Mm-hmm. He's like the back of his, like the place where his skull meets his neck. There's defined muscles there. Yeah. Terry Crews. How did you fit in this room with him? He just seems like he's larger than life.

He's amazing. Physically and personality. He drives a minivan and loves it. Be proud, baby. Yep. Right? Look, it's no e-golf. Well, one time I got in Terry Crews' minivan.

Wait a minute! What? Woo! Right, yeah. Listen to Jimmy's wonderful show Never Not Funny as I do every week and have done for lo these past nine years

It'll be ten years in March Can I also mention Podcastathon? Yes, of course, I would love to mention Podcastathon Jimmy, I know that you're deeply involved with a charity called Smile Train that does surgeries to repair cleft palates on children in the second and third worlds. That's correct.

You recently visited the city of Tuxtla Gutierrez. Yes. Chiapas, Mexico, the southernmost state of Mexico, of course. Neighbor, of course, to San Cristobal de las Casas. Okay, Johnny Maps. Right across the mountain. Yes. That must have been a very powerful experience for you.

It's as cliched as it, you know, it was life-changing to see, to meet the families, that their lives are changed because of this surgery, and to meet the doctor that does it down in that area, and to meet the people from Smile Train that coordinate all of it. It was a great three days. And I went down there with Pat Francis and Matt Belknap, who co-host the podcast-a-thon with me, and Smile Train brought us down there and treated us like kings for three days. Well, you're bringing in the bucks. Well, we're bringing a lot of dough.

I mean, you're writing checks. Excuse me. We came out of nowhere and started writing checks for them. So I think they were like, who the hell are these guys and we should support them? Which you can do. Technically, you're getting Ken Roberts to write checks? I'm getting... Well, no, I donate myself.

I can't speak for Matt and Pat, but I donate a lot of money to Smile Train. Yeah. A lot of money. And, I mean, when I... We're speaking in jest,

but we're talking about tens of thousands of dollars every year. Last year, we raised $150,000. Holy cow. We've raised $750,000 to date. I did not know that you did a podcast-a-thon last year. Well, it was 2014.

We skipped 15 and moved right into this one, which is March 5th. I guess my invitation got lost in the- No, you were in the last one. Was I in the last one? Yeah, you were in the last one. Oh, okay. Jordan was in the inaugural. Was I in the inaugural? Yeah, we saw your underpants. Oh, that was fun. Yes. That was in the last one? Yeah, you were in the last one. Oh, okay. Jordan was in the inaugural. Was I in the inaugural?

Yeah, we saw your underpants. Oh, that was fun. Yes. That was a lot of fun. Yeah, that was, but if I get it, let me, I beg of you, let me get this out. March 5th. Yeah. You can stream it live at nevernotfunny.com from noon to midnight Pacific, and then you

could watch it there, and then donate to Smile Train, and as you guys know, different guests every 20 minutes to a half hour. We're on for 12 hours, and we're raising money for Smile Train. And we're talking about amazing celebrities. Sarah Silverman, Conan O'Brien, Jon Hamm. These are people that have done it. Jesse Thorne. Jesse Thorne, Jordan Morris. Sure.

Rich Sommer. Rich Sommer. A cavalcade of stars. Andy Richter. Last year, Wink Martindale. Wink Martindale. Charo. Never, Charo. Never had Charo.

Why not? That's not to say we haven't asked her. Why have you not had Charo? Not available. Is she not charitably minded? I believe – I forget what the response was on that. There's only been one ever negative response and that person was – I won't give you the – Someone who is pro-cleft palate. They love it.

They like seeing deformities. Yeah. This person's manager said – I won't say the name. I've known so-and-so a long time. She'll have no interest in doing this. Wow. Wow. What a weird thing to be angry about.

So helping children is not this person's bag? Okay. That seems fair. It seems weird. Number one, it seems weird that German Chancellor Angela Merkel would have a manager here in Hollywood. Or that we'd want it. Yeah. And second, I mean, sure, she's known as hilarious, but in her native tongue.

It was a risky booking. Right. But I mean, you guys also, you engage. Try to go worldwide. You go worldwide and you engage with the issues of the day. Sure. That's our show. Yeah, absolutely.

As long as it involves 80s music. It's like a Chicago the Band focused version of Meet the Press. That's exactly right. That's Never Not Funny. Yeah. Well, it's been a delight to have you on the program. It's been too long. Thank you for having me on.

March 10th. March 5th. March 5th. March 5th. Nevernotfunny.com. From noon Pacific to midnight Pacific on nevernotfunny.com. It's always a blast to watch that, and you can donate some money to Smile Train. Please. You can buy afterwards.

You'll be able to buy the audio of it. There's also nice fun auctions as well. You mentioned Ken Roberts. Ken is wanting to go to lunch with me. I donated a lot of money to do that. You can bid on a chance to have lunch with Ken Roberts? Nope. Flip-flop that.

Have lunch with me. And Ken won that. Oh, you're not speaking in the voice of Ken Roberts. No, I know it was a great impression. I know I promised I wasn't going to do voices. It was a really amazing impression of podcast superfan Ken Roberts. Yes. Of Texas.

He's a good man. He is a very good man. He's a lovely superfan Ken Roberts. Yes. Of Texas. He's a good man. He is a very good man. He's a lovely man, Ken Roberts. Well, yeah, that's a, I mean, obviously everyone should watch that. Please do. Yeah, you probably see Paul F. Tompkins or whatever. You never know. You don't know who the guests are this year.

It's always a surprise. Boom, boom, boom, charro, boom. Nope. I know one person it's not going to be. Is it true? You've got to know. It's not going to be true. Was it a hard no've got to know. It's not going to be Charo. Was it a hard no or a soft no?

I think it was a very hard no. What if I call her? Great. What if I call her right now? I would love to. If Charo came on, that would be, we'd be done. That would be amazing. How fucking great would it be if Charo came on?

Please welcome Charo. She comes out, coochie, coochie, coo, plays a little bit of that flamenco guitar. We jerk off, nowhere to go. And from then on, you're not raising money for those kids. Nope. It's over. The kids can suck it. We're shutting it down.

Yeah, we're done. Okay. They got enough out of us. Yeah. Pardcast.com. Never Not Funny. Wonderful program. One of my favorites.

Thank you. If you want to come to MaxFunCon East in the Poconos Labor Day weekend, MaxFunCon.com to reserve your spot with a deposit right now. Anything going on, Jordan, besides this trip to Washington, D.C.? Nah. Jordan's going to go visit our nation's capital. You're a patriot. It's going to be a lot of fun. God bless it. The USA,

Washington, D.C., the whole nine yards. Jordan, God bless you, Jordan. Thanks, guys. Thanks, guys. I can only speak on behalf of myself. How do you feel about Jordan? Same. Yeah. I appreciate you going there. I myself. How do you feel about Jordan? Same. Yeah. I appreciate you going there. I assumed that you wanted God to bless me. Of course.

Speaking of blessings, what a blessing it is to have the great Brian Fernandez, Sonny D, on the boards for the program. You can find us on Reddit, maximumfun.reddit.com, on Twitter, at Jesse Thorne, at Jordan underscore Morris, at Jimmy Pardo. Hey, hey. The great Jimmy pardo will share a thought or two from time to time whatever's rumbling around in that big old head of yours you know what's gonna happen you gotta you know you just gotta you just put your fingers on the keyboard and let it out comes up yep lightning in a bottle you got it ship in a bottle more

it's more stationary i'll agree with that. It takes focus. Deft hand. Hashtag it JJGo. And, of course, join that Maximum Fun group on Facebook. A lot of action there. A lot of action popping off there. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, Go. Bye. MaximumFun.org

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