Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 417: LandWorld with Paul Rust

Episode Date: February 29, 2016

Comedian, actor and writer Paul Rust joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of the Ernest back catalog, Paul's work on the new Pee Wee Herman movie, and an anti-establishment GoFundMe project to fund a Wayne's World sequel. Plus, Jesse has an important Eyes and Nose Light update.

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. Jordan, Jesse Goh, I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Oh, Jordan, I've got big news for the Jordan, Jesse Goh fan community. Wait, so, okay, hold on. Who is this news for? Is this for, you know, the casual listener who dips in every now and then? Or, you know, maybe the new listener who tuned in for our great guest today? Is that for them or is this for diehards?

Is this for people who have, you know, manila folders full of our press clippings? Jordan, how long have we been doing this show? Seven years? Six years? How many times have I done anything that didn't alienate everyone who hasn't listened to every episode? Oh, good point. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, hey, casual fans, maybe fast forward a little bit or, I don't know, just keep driving.

I'll give it. Check your texts. Check out Twitter. Texts. As many regular listeners know, there are two major psychodramas going on in my home at the moment involving my son, Simon, who's four years old. One is his continuing battle with the eyes and nose light. The eyes and nose light is a street lamp outside of our house that he thinks looks like it has eyes and a nose. Now, again, just thinking of these casual listeners, you should probably say how old your son is. I said four.

Oh, okay. Did you? Okay, okay. I thought maybe they were envisioning some sort of developmentally disabled 16-year-old. Okay, so he's got this continuing battle with his worst enemy, the eyes and nose light, Okay, so he's got this continuing battle with his worst enemy, the Eyes and Nose Light, and he has an alter ego, which is when he takes the IKEA comforter that's on his bed, puts it over his head when he's supposed to be sleeping, and then walks out into the living room. This is called blanket plump. Blanket plump is completely distinct from Simon.

He will not answer to Simon. When he's got the blanket over his head, his name is blanket plump, and all you can do is ask blanket plump to go to sleep. So two big pieces of news. When last we heard, the eyes and nose light had a friend down the street whose name was Basket Light, I think. It's a basketball hoop that a neighbor a few doors down has.

It's not light up in any way, but it's about the height of a light. So you think that's where that's coming from? It's light like in shape. Sure. Maybe imagine a street lamp. Yeah. I mean, there's a pole with a bulb you know, bulbous, you know, protrusion at the top. I get it. Frankly, the only similar things that my son is capable of distinguishing between are the members of Paw Patrol and the various deep sea creatures covered in the Octonauts.

The Octonauts. So, first piece of news, Simon has made friends with the Eyes and Nose Light. Hey. Now, I mean, did, I mean, was this, you know, they just like ran into each other and were kind of forced to make chit chat, like, you know, like at Whole Foods or something like that? I think what happened is Simon was upset because he'd just been fired from work. Sure. And he was sort of storming down the street. And the eyes and nose light was coming out of a bakery holding a big tray of like bread and rolls, croissants and coffees. And that pow ran into each other.

And then they looked up. They recognized each other from being enemies, and they realized that deep down. Right. They're not so different. So Simon was outside in the front yard with my wife, Teresa, looking at the stars. Something that Simon sometimes demands to look at the stars. That is wholesome as shit, by the way. Yeah.

That is. Did they also smell a pie that was cooling on a windowsill or they're not hobos okay well i mean if they stole it right they stole it write some secret symbols i didn't say they i didn't say they stole the pie i said they you know enjoyed it and the you know kind of wavy white lines that were wafting off it. So Simon said, wait before we go in. I need to say hello to my friend, Eyes and Nose Light. And he dragged Teresa down the street to where it is and said,

hi, Eyes and Nose Light, I love you. Do you think they're moving a little fast? Yeah, but that's how it goes. I one montage later yeah sure you know um so that's the first thing the second thing is a blanket plump update my son's full full given name is simon lee everett thorne lee everett being a family name my father's name, my grandfather's name, my great-grandfather's name. So Simon's full name, Simon Lee Everett Thorne. He only answers to Simon the astronaut. So he has announced that he has a new name, which is Simon Lee Everett Blanket Plump Thorn the Astronaut.

So I just want to get that out in the open. I just wanted to get- So now you will be, just out of respect, when you refer to him, you will be referring to him as- That's an interesting question. I don't know- Simon Lee Everett Blanket Plump Thorn the Astronaut. Yeah.

I mean, I think there must be a way to shorten that. I don't know what part of it. I mean, the astronaut seems like it would be the title. Mr. Thorne the Astronaut? I'm trying to make a little acronym or something here with it. Do you see what I'm doing? Yeah. Maybe you could, you know.

Isn't Jeb Bush an acronym for something? Isn't it like John? Jackoff Extreme. Yes, Jackoff Extreme Bush. Anyway, I was thinking maybe you could make something like that. I also have a new name for my son, Oscar. He's been wearing these cowboy boots around the house. Yeah.

With no pants, usually. A lot of times it's just a shirt, his Woody hat. That's his hat that's like Woody from Toy Story. Sure. Not his hat that says, this machine kills fascists. No. This Woody Guthrie hat. No, nor his hat with a picture of a boner on it.

These are all separate Woody hats. Yeah. The boner ads just for church and the Woody Guthrie hats just for Bonnaroo. So, uh, the one he wears like a cowboy type hat and then he'll wear a shirt that looks like Woody's shirt and then nothing until his boots and his boots his new name's Bootsy

I like that did he come up with that or did you come up with that I came up with it he's not quite able to walk in cowboy boots I was going to say coming up with his own nickname age no no not at all uh he uh he sort of slides and and totters around our house in these cowboy boots like he's

pretty strong at walking with no shoes or rubber shoes cowboy boots no sirree he is no urban cowboy yet sure yeah he's a real rhinestone cowboy thus far. Thought about getting him some line dancing classes. Exactly. Okay, should we introduce our guest? Yeah. He's the star and creator of the new Netflix television series Love. He is a beloved past guest on Jordan Jesse Go, some 10 years ago. And by beloved, I mean reviled.

Probably the star of our favorite thing we ever did on the show that everyone who listened to the show at the time hated. He is the co-writer of the upcoming Pee Wee Herman film. He is one of our favorite entertainers. He is the star of the film... Oh, shit. What was the name of that movie? Come on, Paul. What was the name of that movie?

I Love You, Beth Cooper. This film, I Love You, Beth Cooper, which I watched, and he was quite good in. Mr. Paul Rust. Hey. Hi, Paul. Thanks for having me, guys. Great to he was quite good in. Mr. Paul Rust. Hey. Hi, Paul. Thanks for having me, guys.

Great to have you on the show. Good to be back. Am I allowed to say on the air yet how much I love the new Pee Wee movie that you co-wrote? That's nice of you to say. I don't think there's a gag order on compliments. Yes. There we go. Oh, I got to see it.

I loved it. I loved it. Oh, that we go. Yeah. Oh, I got to see it. I loved it. I loved it. Oh, that's nice. Paul's the only guy I know who loves peewee as much as I do, so I was quite thrilled when he got into the peewee business. I remember when you gave me the peewee trading cards set. There you go. Yeah, that was awesome.

It was like a little party. Paul Rust, he loves peewee. Yeah. He loves Beth Cooper. The two main things that he loves. And the show love. Okay, so. I'm sensing a theme, Paul.

Paul, okay, so wait. So we had a discussion that we had to table because it got too hot outside. Right. Not physically hot, just the dialogue got hot like McLaughlin group style. Sure. Well, I got a little physically hot as we the dialogue got hot like McLaughlin Group style. Sure. Well, I got a little physically hot as we were talking about it, too. You know, when you're in this business that we're in. Right.

There's a little... What do we call that business? You know... Show adjacent. Audio bullshit. Show adjacent. Unpopular podcasting. Yes, that's it. For the Yeah. Unpopular podcasting? Yes, that's it.

For the world of unpopular podcasting. There's a phrase that comes up a lot, you know, when you're in our line of work. Right. You're having a conversation and something starts to tingle in the back of your neck. It's a little... Can I guess what the phrase is? Yeah. Spoiler alert?

No, that's not the one. Can I guess what the phrase is? Yeah. Spoiler alert. No, that's not the one. Can I guess Netflix and chill? No, that's not the one either, but that is a fun way to fuck. To facilitate fucking, I guess I should say. A good thing to Netflix and chill with would be Paul Rust's new series Love on Netflix now? No, I would say not because... You'd be too engrossed. It's hard to eat pussy when you're laughing so hard.

Listen, I have seen several episodes of this program. Does Netflix have a box? Because can we put that on the back, Paul? Yeah. That blurb will just flash up on screen while you're watching. Yeah, yeah. That reminds me of my friend Chris had a really funny observation about porkies and movies of those ilk, which is like, sure, I'm laughing, but I wish I had a boner right now. Okay.

So, Jordan, you were saying there's a phrase that comes up often when marginal show business figures like ourselves are talking with a major show business figure like our friend paul rust so you know something something happened they somebody you know somebody starts in on a topic and you hear some keywords you feel a little tingle in the back of your neck and then you open up your mouth and you say hey let's save this for the podcast so the thing that we were talking about. I had a third guess as to what the phrase was. I don't know if, I didn't hear if you said what it actually is, but can I go ahead and take my third guess?

I heard everything up to, you just open up your mouth. Is it Noah's Arcade? Gotta bust a move or the games are played. It's fresh. Noah's Arcade. You got to bust a move where the games are played. Chill. It's fresh. Nose arcade.

Paul, you were saying to us that you not only loved the Ernest films as a kid. True. The Jim Varney car commercials that sped off into films. Not just car commercials. Mellow Yellow? Did some Mellow Yellow commercials as well? He was like a character created for a local car commercial that then was franchised into first other local car commercials in other areas.

Right. And then other types of commercials became so popular that he received a series of films. So you not only loved them as a kid, but also loved them as an adult so much that you bought some sort of boxed set? Yeah, and they couldn't be in cheaper packaging. Yeah. Because they're like 10 movies. Right. And they were kind of packaged.

They don't come in like a collectible tin Ernest head that like latches open. And a blue denim vest pops out of it. Right. Immediately drops on you. You're like, whoa, I'm Ernest now. Vern? I don't really know what they're about. Yeah, it was like in a weird cheap like cardboard.

Yeah. And then like the thing where you open it up and then it falls out because it's not like even held tightly. There's loose DVDs. This is what you get for buying deluxe box set collections at the truck stop. That's true. It had a very truck stop feel. I guess I said DVDs. Are these Blu-rays?

No, they are DVDs. And they were, I think, ripped from the video. Okay. Very cheap looking. This is like those cartoon collections that you buy at Walgreens that have like the old Superman cartoon on them. Heckling Jekyll. Yeah. I was like, well, I'm here for stuff for dinner, but I might want to watch three episodes of Screwy Squirrel later.

Man, if only my pseudofed came with a side of anthropomorphic racism. Yeah, so, no, I loved Ernest a lot. And honestly, it probably was like, you know, after you read that month's Mad, you buy Cracked because you're like, eh, it's not as good, but I'm jonesing. Sure. I think Ernest was like the Cracked version of Pee Wee. Yeah, that makes sense because I – I mean, I loved Ernest. In Ernest. In Ernest. loved earnest in earnest in earnest and i think i must have stopped i don't i don't i've never seen an earnest film as an adult and i don't remember anything that happens in any of the

earnest movies so i must have stopped at the very least before i thought that fire marshal bill was the funniest thing in the world which was probably the last thing that I thought was the funniest thing in the world that I now am embarrassed by. Oh, that was the stopping off point for you. Then after that, it was like, you know, I thought like whatever, Mike Myers, Wayne's World was the funniest thing in the world, which as we learned earlier in this very episode, I still believe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, she has a bow in her head yeah uh yeah uh we can let's remember to talk about wayne's world okay but we're talking about we're talking about earnest right now yeah so hey do you when you bought this box set when was the last time you'd seen an earnest movie it might have been probably sixth grade when I went and saw Ernest Scared Stupid with my dad.

Now, is that the final Ernest film? No, there were many more that were direct to rental. Oh, okay. Sure. But Scared Stupid was- Have you heard of Fat Beach? Oh, I mean, Jesse, I've made it a blockbuster night, okay? You don't have to tell me about Fat Beach.

Yeah, so that's an Ernest movie. A lot of people don't know that. But I think Scared Stupid was the last theatrical release. I definitely remember having an opportunity to see Ernest Scared Stupid in the theaters. Like, you know, remember friends going and not going. I think Ghost to Jail was the first movie I saw by myself in the theater. Okay. Mine was Honey, I Blew Up the Kid.

So both Disney films. Yeah. The parents were okay with that. Set it off to... But, yes. So I re-watched it. I hadn't, I guess, watched it since I was 11 or 12. And surprise, surprise, they're

pieces of shit. They're no good. How many are there total? Okay, let's see. You got Ghost of Camp, Scared Stupid, Ghost of Jail. No, no, no, no. Sorry, I'm doing them in order.

And I have to do them in order. The first two were the two that I saw. Ghost to Camp. Goes to Camp. Saves Christmas. Oh, okay. Goes to Jail. I saw Ghost to Jail.

I feel like I saw Ghost to Jail and Ghost to Camp. Ghost to Jail is legitimately the best one. Okay. So if you're going to watch an Ernest movie with Simon and Oscar, perhaps, sit them down for Ghost to Jail. So, sorry, Ghost to Jail was the first. No, Ghost to Camp was the first? No, ghost to camp was the first. Okay, camp.

Right. And they mirror perfectly somebody's life. Oh, right. Yeah. You go to camp first. A child goes to camp. And then you save Christmas debts. Then you go to jail.

And then you get scared stupid. Okay. This is a story that's been told since the ancient Greeks. This was Odysseus' journey. Yeah. And then after that, it's a bit of a blur i know that there's a slam dunk earnest earnest fucks the sphinx earnest rides again which i never knew what the premise of that one was uh that he's back earnest goes to africa which i'm sure is uncomplicated in its politics.

Probably sensitive, too. I mean, I would say. Certainly, no doubt. I would say it probably has a little bit of a heckle and jekyll vibe to it. And there's probably one or two more. I think they were shooting one before he passed away. Oh, okay. Maybe.

It was probably going to be his big comeback. Ernest Netflixes and Chills. So how many of them did you manage to make it through while you were reliving? Like how much was enough to know that you had sufficiently relived your age six, seven, and eight? It was with a group of friends. Peer pressure. You mean when I just recently watched it,

my friends pressured me. I think I had bought it online and sort of sent out an email like, I got the Ernest movies. Let's come over and watch. And then I think it was, yes, it was Ernest Goes to Africa was the one we watched

because we felt like it had the highest potential for laughs. For discomfort? L-A-F-F-S, laughs. I watched Crocodile Dundee. Did I mention that on the show? No. I watched Crocodile Dundee three weeks ago. Wow.

What were the circumstances? The circumstances were my wife and I were at a cabin and they had Netflix on the little TV. Oh, uh-huh. And our children were in bed and we were so excited. But the remote, so you had – the remote was stuck. And so it was stuck under search. And the letters C-R-O-C were typed in.

And you couldn't search for anything else, but you could get something from the little menu to the right. We tried to watch a French film called Croque Madame. Sure. About sandwiches. Right. I don't... Okay, so number one,

if you go to any vacation home's Netflix, the fucking shit that it tells you to watch. Like, I find that the suggestions for Netflix for what I should watch are such a fucking disaster area at this point. It used to be Netflix was the, and forgive me for saying this about your employer, it's a great service.

It used to be Netflix was- You saw my hands going into fists. The whole thing was, the whole thing was like recommending the perfect thing to you. They seem to have completely abandoned that. The amount of things that I think just – that are number one on the list. I think what could possibly have led this robot to think that I wanted to watch this? But if you go – you think that's bad at your house.

And then you go to a place where just a series of random people have been there. And it just wants you to watch like fucking wrestling movies, like films starring wrestlers that aren't The Rock. Right. Like a suburban commando. Yes. But like contemporary versions of that. Like Taken starring Stone Cold Steve Austin. Oh, wow.

They do do those, don't they? Yes. Oh, no, they do those? Yeah, it's got a, right. Like the same company that probably just makes those weird Nicolas Cage movies you've never heard of probably also sticks Triple H into something like that. Super weird animes, like super weird animes always comes up on there. Just super sad, like Discovery Channel reality shows. Just like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

And my wife and I were looking for something. Honestly, we were looking for something that would have zero challenges in it. Right. Because – and was less than 90 minutes long. Of course. And so we watched Crocodile Dundee, which my wife had never seen. I'll say – I'll give you a few critical evaluations of Crocodile Dundee 25 years later, 30 years later, whatever it is. Suburban Commando had Paul Hogan.

Oh. Or Hulk Hogan. Right. Crocodile Dundee has Paul Hogan. We wanted to keep it in the Hogan family. Hey. Wow. Well, you know, they're all heroes.

We're all little clever boys. Yeah. The prestige. so i uh i i have to say first of all you can absolutely understand why crocodile dundee was an international phenomenon not the film the character yes paul hogan as crocodile dundee is undeniably delightful yeah charming charismatic completely charismatic and charming uh though everything else about it is barely a movie like there's no plot to the movie like you remember it having this grand plot but really all that happens is they're in australia for a little while then they're in new york for a little while then they're then they have a big climactic love scene. Sure. There's no full penetration sex.

There's like no bad guy or anything. There's like a. Oh, really? Well, what about the guy who pulls out the knife that he doesn't think is a knife and then shows him something that's actually a knife? I know that is in the movie. The climactic love scene is they're on the subway platform in New York. They've decided to profess their love to each other,

which they've been holding back. And they're yelling from one side of the subway platform to the other, and the people are passing the message along, and then he climbs on top of everyone and walks over to her. Which I've heard is a joke that Americans didn't get because it's like an Australian joke, this is true,

that you would walk across sheep. Oh. And so it's like you're supposed to laugh like, ha-ha, he's doing what they do in Australia. How funny. But he doesn't do that in the Australia portion of this movie. I thought the joke was just that there's a lot of people in New York. That too.

Sure. So I also a couple years ago watched New York. That too. Sure. So, like, I also, a couple years ago, watched Three Men and a Baby, which I also found to have very charming stars and almost no jokes

in the entire movie. Like, that was the thing. Like, Crocodile Dundee is, I guess it's a comedy, but like,

literally, there are like three jokes in the movie. There's that knife part. There's a part where- Now, can you describe the scene in which that happens? They're on a street corner in New York and then the thing happens that you remember. That's it.

Okay. And so a guy's like, hey, look at this knife. Are you trying to mug him? A guy tries to mug him and then she says, give him your money. He's got a knife. And Crocodile Dundee is confused. And he says, that's not a knife. This is a knife.

And he says, this is a knife. And the guy runs away, and he never even understood that he was in danger. He's developmentally disabled. Sure, sure. I first saw Crocodile Dundee in a hotel room. You know, it's one of those things where your parents go to another town and they bring their kids. And then you're, like, hanging out with your parents, friends, kid, like, watching Crocodile Dundee in a hotel room. Sure.

But, yeah, we've all been there. One of these. Yeah, I know that, like, yeah. So you're at a hotel and your parents. It got more and more baffling as I was describing it know that like, yes. So you're at a hotel and your parents. It got more and more baffling as I was describing it. Yeah. Your parents. So you're on a family vacation.

Is your mother that prostitute from the Twitter story earlier this year? Zola. Zola. But the one thing I remember, I don't remember much of the movie, but I remember me and this, I must have been six or seven. We had a bit that was cracking us up, which was that we would pretend to fall asleep and wake up very quickly. So we'd go, all right, good night. Morning. Hey, that holds up.

That's a solid piece of business. That's good. That's still pretty funny. That's not bad. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse holds up. That's a solid piece of business. That's good. That's still pretty funny. That's not bad. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Hello. I am comedian and television writer Guy Branum. And every week on Pop Rocket, I host a fun, freewheeling conversation about all the aspects of pop culture you love to love with my friends and co-panelists. Digital strategist Winter Mitchell.

Journalist Margaret Wappler. Academic and DJ Oliver Wang. And you guys, this conversation is not just something we do privately. It's available to you through the Information Superhighway. So please, subscribe to Pop Rocket on iTunes or at MaximumFun.org. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, classic australian celebrity paul russ over there it seems like maybe yeah i mean is is crocodile dundee the next you know nostalgic comedy star that's gonna get a little revival via these streaming services is he dead no i think you know i think paul hogan uh paul hogan had like a tax problem isn't he like holed up in Argentina somewhere? Like he can't return to Australia?

Let's get him back. Let's get, yeah. Let's send in a team. He's got that Subaru Outback money. How could he be having tax problems? I don't know. I mean, I don't know how the man spent his money. I know he visited our fair city in part three of the Dundee Triad.

Some call it a trilogy. Nope. But you call it a triad. Well, it's both a series of films and an Asian gang organization. Right, and a three-person gay relationship. It's all of these things. It's all of these things. Oh, but Wayne's World?

Yeah. Can we talk about Wayne's World? Well, I've seen Wayne's World several times as an adult, and every time I enjoy it fully. Yes. I have it fully. Yes. I have no problems with it. In fact, I would say that I enjoy it more as an adult than I did as a kid. Like the parts that as a kid I thought were kind of boring with Rob Lowe in them. Yeah.

I now get what's funny about Rob Lowe's performance. Mountain Dew, Pizzi Cola, Pink Tom Pop Pop. Yeah, the Rob Lowe stuff is great. I too, when I rewatch it, what I admire about it that I probably didn't grasp at the time is what a unique object it is. There's no really movie like it where they're breaking the fourth wall to talk to the camera and then also doing commercial spoofs. I was blown away when they talked to the camera. I remember watching that and going like, what? Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, really feeling like I was seeing something new.

I interviewed Penelope Spheeris for Bullseye this past year because there was the decline of Western Civilization movies got put out on DVD. And she also directed Wayne's World. And she struck me as just a genuine mad woman. I mean, not like

non-functional, but just like completely sui generis. Like just her own person through and through. Like the fact that she had gotten to

make any hollywood movies much less the beverly hillbillies yeah which i think she also directed i saw an amazing movie that she made called uh the kid and i with tom arnold and the behind the scenes story of it is insane which is tom arnold lived next door door to a billionaire who's... Is this the movie or is this Tom Arnold's life? This is real life right now. Okay, sure. His son was a huge True Lies fan. And he wanted Tom Arnold to write and make a movie with his son

who has some sort of condition. Cerebral palsy. Yes, cerebral palsy. I should have known. My name's in it. No. So the dad wanted him to write an action movie for Tom Arnold and his son to be in. The dad wanted him to write an action movie for Tom Arnold and his son to be in.

And so then they ended up making that the premise of the movie, which is Tom Arnold is playing himself. Wow. And this billionaire asks him to make his son, who's his real life son. Yeah. And there's an amazing part where they question sort of what's real, what's fact. Sure, yeah. And the way they do this is at the very end, Tom Arnold walks into a room and Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jamie Lee Curtis from True Lies are standing there. Oh, wow.

There's a close-up of Tom Arnold goes, what is real? Was this a theatrically released movie? It was, yeah. Wow. But if you can catch it. Sure. Tom Arnold was also on Bullseye and is an unreal human being. Like, just amazing. Yeah, he's a tornado, huh?

He is. He is a really amazing dude and legit super funny and charming. I know. I think he gets slagged on unfairly. Yeah. I mean, he's done a lot of horrible, horrible movies. Maybe that's the case. But, I mean, I think he's comfortable telling.

He will cop to that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He said, he very memorably said to me, like the second he saw me, that I looked like the bouncer at a Hasidic strip club. He said that right off the top of his head? Yeah. It's good.

It's a good poll. Tom, dude. There is a crazy guy on the website GoFundMe right now that has written a sequel to Wayne's World called Wayne's Leisure World. It's about Wayne and Garth as old men. I don't know. I mean, I got the Leisure World joke because it was the retirement community. That was what it was called where I grew up in Orange County.

Leisure World. And I remember – That's where my grandparents lived. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Leisure World in Mission Viejo. There you go. This might – and listen, I didn't make this joke.

I'm about to relay a cruel joke that my dad made to me. Wow. So you were about to tell a cruel joke about my grandparents. Yes, specifically. Yes, specifically. My dead grandparents. My beloved dead grandparents. The nerds.

My moderately beloved dead grandparents. I remember a handful of moments in my life where it was just me and my dad, and he would tell me a joke that I knew was like, oh, if mom was around, I would not be getting this joke. We drove by it and he called it seizure world. So, I apologize to your dead grandparents. I don't know if they died from seizures or seizure-related complications. That could also be a play on SeaWorld.

Oh, yeah, sure. If you wanted it to be. I do, Paul. I do want it to be that. By the time I was in my teens. The thought of a penguin having a seizure is kind of cute, isn't it? Like it's just flopping around. Oh, a penguin.

I thought you said a pig. He's asking. Oh, yeah. I was like, get that pig out of SeaWorld. Yeah. Take him to LandWorld. Which is where pigs belong. That's what they should call the zoo.

LandWorld. Wow. i can't believe i've seen all the animals from land uh should we just end this episode yeah right so there's this guy and he so this really, really badly photoshopped photo of Wayne and Garth with gray hair and wrinkles. Oh, boy. And he has – and you can go down this GoFundMe page and look at all of his rejection letters that he's gotten from just every agency and studio. And none of them say they have read it. They're all saying, we don't accept these. We are returning it to you unopened. None of them say they have read it.

They're all saying, we don't accept these. We are returning it to you unopened. And, yeah, and this guy, and he always refers to the Hollywood gatekeepers. He's like, the Hollywood gatekeepers don't want you to see this movie. Wouldn't he have to initially just get permission from Mike Myers? Wouldn't that be part of it? I don't know. I feel like if we're talking about gatekeepers he's going to have to deal with, he's going to have to deal with the leisure world gatekeepers. Sure, yeah.

He's like, listen, Mike Myers has signed off. Dana Carvey has signed off. But the people at Leisure... So yeah, this is some guy... I'm sorry, sir. You're not on the list. You're not on the list. I'm sorry. Everyone wants to make a Leisure World movie.

So yeah, this is some guy who, I guess, grew up... Oh, I just meant the guy who mans the gate. Oh, okay. That was the Hollywood gatekeeper. The actual physical gate at Leisure World. There may be a second metaphorical gate with Leisure World management that he has to get through. But I mean just to get into Leisure World. There's a gate there.

I was envisioning a humor scenario where that was the hard part to get signed off was calling it Wade's Leisure World. Like everyone's ready to shoot, but we can't get the – and if we can't get that title, we're not going to do it. Right. That's their attitude. I like to imagine that he's in a car. He's got Wade and Garth in the car with him. It may even be the Mirth Mobile. Sure.

And he's at the gate of Leisure World, and the guy that runs the gate won't open the arm for them. Sure. They got all the movie trucks and everything. And then they crank up Bohemian Rhaps Sure. You got all the movie trucks and everything. Bohemian Rhapsody. He's like, get in on in here. Get in on in here. So this guy is trying to raise, you know, $10,000 or whatever. I don't know what happens when he gets the money.

Yeah. Right. Does he portray the characters himself in a clumps-like fashion? So this might be something I should look up and get the details for. I would love to see this stuff on the page. Maybe we can do it post, after one of the breaks. That's a good idea. That's good.

That's a really good idea. Anyway, but this is out there. Paul, okay, so I have a question for you. Have you been on our program since a thousand years ago when it was in Koreatown in my apartment and you played, I want to say, Bart Simpson running for president? Presidential candidate. More relevant now than it's ever been, right?

I believe it was. What with all these cartoon characters running for office. Sorry, guys. It was you and your former comedy partner, Neil. Current. Current. Continuing comedy partner, Neil, who's now the head writer of Comedy Bang Bang. Neil Campbell, yes.

And one of you was – it was a presidential debate, I think, on the show. One of you was Bart Simpson and one of you was the screenwriter of Look Who's Talking 2. Right. I don't remember which interview it was with. And then we have done a subsequent one that was at the Mount Washington. I think that was, I still

remember. Is that the one that you're saying? The anger and confusion that that led to in our, probably at the time we had 2,000 people listening to the show. Of those 2,000, like 1,800. What the fuck was that? what did i just listen to was that so because i think at the time we would like we would pretend like it was real and not

say we're about to do a gag right right right and that really upsets people because they feel like they're being trained well i mean we're, we are, first and foremost, journalists. Right. Well, above all else. We wanted to hear the true thoughts of this screenwriter. We thought we were going to get an in-depth. We've been denied. Yeah, and I think that was during a time that Neil and I were particularly fascinated with the idea

that The Simpsons are real characters. They existed in a Roger Allen-like way in our reality. And also it was really, it's fun to reference those characters because they're so beloved where people, I think,

automatically assume if you're riffing on it, you're mocking it. I don't know if you guys have had this experience where you're like, no, I'm just riffing on it because I like it. But people, I don't know if it's because of the internet, the internet, that people automatically assume if you're talking about it, you're kind of like mocking it.

Right. And that's a big problem, especially because you run into kind of a fan community buzzsaw if you're going to make any kind of joke about Look Who's Talking To. Serious fans. I didn't quite make it through the sentence. You know what's fair game, though? Oddly enough, Look Who's Talking Now. They don't care about that one.

They don't care about that one. It's non-canonical. Right, sure, yeah. It's a what if. It's in an else world. Sure. I had a buddy who was really upset because his parents wouldn't let him watch Look Who's Talking. And all the kids in his class did, and he was left out.

But he—God, my friend John, he cracks me up. He told me that one time in, like, fifth or sixth grade, in school, in class, in front of everybody, he referred to Saturday as cartoon day. Yeah. Got mocked. You know, it's funny. I also had some friends as a kid who could not watch... I get it. You guys had friends as kids.

Sorry, you had business associates whose parents... So these were the oddly religious people on our block whose family did not believe in dinosaurs. As a kid, I really loved dinosaurs and to have them say, you know, dinosaurs. They didn't even think they existed, let alone. Yeah, yeah.

Scam by the museum industry. Makes sense. Their donations of $1 per person. Right, yeah. Raking it in yeah raking it in yeah this big business and i'm gonna make a hunch maybe these parents were a little older than other people no they were not no yeah these were uh these were uh can i guess one thing maybe they were white people these were whites these were two popular whites yeah. So didn't believe in dinosaurs. But this was the house where I saw my first Freddy Krueger movies.

Whoa. Because they were absolutely fine with showing Freddy Krueger movies. I think there was a – they were a big, like, sports family. So I think there was a sense of this will toughen them up. Oh, okay. Like this will produce tough, athletic – Such as yourself. Yeah, right. Exactly. toughen them up. This will produce tough, athletic... Such as yourself.

Yeah, right, exactly. So they sat me down in front of Frank Krueger and my shot put career... That's how you made Varsity. Yeah. Do you remember which party? The original, and I also think I saw Dream Warriors there?

Anyway, I was very scared of them. I did not like them as a kid. That's unsettling. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, but they could not watch Look Who's Talking. When I asked them why they could not watch Look Who's Talking, I remember he says, it's, oh, it's because they show sperm. And I think he's referring to that opening where he comes and then you see like a, you see like a like a talking sperm going toward the egg.

Yeah. And I think they're playing. I get around. I get around. Yeah, yeah. So I guess the parents did not want them to see the. It's actually pretty, I'll use the word, sublime. Sure.

It's amazing when you see it. It's actually really good. But yeah, I knew the families that were like, violence was okay. Yeah. But not sex. Sure. like, violence was okay, but not sex. Sure. And that family was called America. Whoa! Sorry, guys.

Hey, you were saying the cartoon characters. No, you're right. You made it political. I set the precedent for mind-shattering satire. My neighbor was a lady called Mrs. Love. She was an older black lady that was always threatening to kill my dog. Oh. What movies did she like?

I couldn't tell you. Why did she not like your dog? Because sometimes it would pee on her house. In her house or? On her house. Oh, like on the physical structure? Because I lived in the city, so there was no grass or dirt or anything. So she would pee on like a telephone pole or something. But then sometimes she'd do it in front of somebody's house.

Yeah, I didn't know if her house was in the shape of a fire hydrant. And Mrs. Love would come out and she would scream at us and tell us she was going to kill that dog. Whoa. She was not a loving woman. No, that's a tough thing to do. Her name, it turned out, was ironic. Right. it turned out was ironic.

The main neighbors that I remember were her. We had another neighbor who became the first transgender person to run for citywide office in a major city. She almost became on the board of supervisors in San Francisco. And then my babysitter's mom, who was like a wino character from a movie in 1979, more like bell-bottoms. It was sad more than anything else. But just kind of shook her whole body while she walked. That's amazing. Glowing red nose, yeah.

Yeah, like she could have been a character from Car Wash, basically, but in 1987. Of all the breeds of alcoholics, I feel like the wino is the most beloved. Sure. They're the funniest. It's the most fun to laugh at them because they love wine. Guys, I have this GoFundMe page pulled up for Wayne's World 3. Okay, great. Wayne's Leisure World.

Wayne's Leisure World. Is it called Wayne's World 3 colon? Let's see. Wayne's World 3. Okay, hold on. This is from a man named Trevor Schneider. By his photo here on GoFundMe, he looks to be about 55. Uh-huh.

Humorless looking man. He is from North Bay, Ontario. Sure. Not Facebook verified. Canadian like Mr. Myers. Yeah. So, yeah. I mean, clearly close to his heart.

Although I guess the character was from Aurora, Illinois. Right. But, you know, there's some kinship there. I have written a sequel to the movie Wayne's World. It is well-crafted and brilliantly funny. You can read my Wayne's Leisure World screenplay by following the link.

So this is available. Have you read it? I have not read it. You haven't looked at the sides? You can watch the Wayne's Leisure World movie trailer by clicking on the following link. Oh my God. My goal is to find an agent to represent my screenplay to Paramount Pictures. Any funds raised will be raised towards that objective. Hmm.

Party on. Trevor Schneider? Can we listen to- I love that. Yeah, let's listen to some of the trailer. I want to listen to the trailer. Let's have Brian can load up the trailer so that we can listen to it. Oh, it's on Dropbox.

You have to download this. Oh, no. Okay, we can listen to it. Oh, it's on Dropbox. You have to download this. Oh, no. Okay. We can watch it here. Well, let's have Brian load it up and he can play it through the board so that it sounds nice for the audience. As it should. Brian, is this easy to find? Yeah, I guess.

So we're really helping this guy with his campaign. Yeah. I mean, let's get the word out. Opening pretty strong. Yeah. Let's get the word out. is this song just gonna be music i wonder is there text popping up that's like warning this video contains unsolicited material you are watching the trailer to wayne's world released in 1992 by paramount pictures wayne and garth are still fighting a good fight but paramount pictures has refused to read our sequel Wayne's Leisure World it is a story that demands to be told

it is the year 2047 Wayne and Garth have settled down and are enjoying their golden years not as you know the future is never a happy place the world has gone mental vegetarians run wild. Wow. Everyone's listening to whale music.

An evil genius has cornered a synthetic food market. And don't get as started about robots. Will rock and roll save the day? We may never know. What is Paramount Pictures hiding? For 23 years, we have played by Hollywood's rules. Today, we are taking the offensive. Help us mount a social media blitz that will take Fortress Hollywood by storm.

The story must be told before it's too late. There's still time to change the course of history. Read the screenplay and judge for yourself. Share the story before it's too late. Wow. Wow. Wow. Okay. So can we address the two?

How he doesn't know how to say not. Not? Not. He's only read the Rage World novelization. He's never seen the movie. The things that make the future dystopian in Wayne's World 3, Wayne's Leisure World, are things from before Wayne's World. Right. Whale songs and vegetarians?

Yeah. Nope. These are things from like 1980. Yeah. This is probably stuff they cut out of Demolition Man. Disco has gone wild. Will rock and roll ever return? Everyone's eating yogurt.

Oh no! I was really afraid that Whale Sox was going to be rap music. Oh, well, we will be once the finished project uh it's funny that his main angle on it is taken on paramount like yeah sort of what are they hiding what are they hiding disinterest in reading a man from ontario

you should be happy they're hiding their what'senters. Yeah, he does make it sound like an Illuminati plot to keep him down. Well, what's interesting with that is, and this is a sincere common gun. Sure. I think the reason Wayne's World will last forever is I do think there's like a nice little idea of sort of, hey, we have something that's organic and underground, and when a corporation sees that they can make money off it, they'll pluck down and pull something out. Super deluxe. Sure. They hear the kids are doing something cool, and they're like, hey, we could sell Doritos

with it or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Not to get too technical. And what's interesting – Let's promote Halliburton on Snapchat. Let's get the kids to buy some Blackwater stock. I just don't want to get you in trouble with alternative comedy web platforms that failed 10 years ago. Oh, I'm sure you're going to be waiting outside.

Super Deluxe is back. They're back and better than ever. Can I tell you something about waiting outside. Super Deluxe is back. They're back and better than ever. Can I tell you something aside about Super Deluxe? One time I visited Cartoon Network Adult Swim in Atlanta, and the guy who runs AdultSwim.com was my host. And he was walking me around, and he said, hey, you want to know what's in this closet? And he opens this closet door, and he goes, that's Super Deluxe. And then he closes the door. That is so funny. It was just like a rack of DVDs. That's hilarious. He opens this closet door and he goes, that's super deluxe. And then he closes the door.

It was just like a rack of DVDs. That's hilarious. Wow. Well, and then Wayne's World was coming out around the time that I think like Grunge was sort of breaking through. And I'm like, oh, this movie was sensing whatever was going on at the time. By the way, we should mention that we don't have a CISO show. We're the last entertainers in the world without a CISO show. You gotta get that CISO. Gotta get a CISO.

If anybody wants to give us a CISO show, we're open. We're available. So you're on record. All this stuff applies only to Super Deluxe. We just want to make that clear. Yeah, so only Super Deluxe. Yeah. But, yeah, so it's interesting that then this guy, I say interesting a lot when it's not.

But the guy who's running this GoFundMe, that seems to be his angle. So maybe something spoke to him about Wayne's World that he's like – Yeah, sure. His corporate interests in golf and Western. Do you guys want to guess how much money he's made so far? Yes. Negative six cents. Yes, I know.

Right. You had to pay Kinko's to use the computer to make the GoFundMe page. Are there any gifts or prizes? Let's see. Yeah, there are some. Because that's what I'm in. I don't think I can judge. There are perks.

Without knowing about the, you know, with membership perks. Paul, I don't know if you know this. No, I know. Okay. So for $5 and you get a PDF of the screenplay. That's pretty nice. Is it the same one that's linked to? Yes.

Oh, a PDF of the poster. Oh. Which, as I mentioned, it was Wayne and Garth with gray hair. Okay. And a, I'm doing quotation marks here, and a big thank you for helping us storm the barricades of Fortress Hollywood. Oh, a big thank. A big thank you for.

You know, is that not a regional chocolate bar? I know, it's a graham cracker. There's a graham cracker in it. You have to go into Vancouver and get it. $10, same it. $10. Same thing. $25. Gratitude.

Crusade Against Fortress Hollywood. $50. Yeah, same thing. $100. Wait, $50 is then a PDF of the script? For all these, you get a PDF of the screenplay and a PDF of the poster and appreciation for bravely supporting our struggle against Fortress Hollywood. I say $365.

Okay. Oh, and for $100. Wait, this could be a game changer. But you get called up. You get a date with Christina Hendricks. You get called a producer. Okay. I still say $365.

Okay. He is looking for. I'll say $42. $540. Okay. Oh. I still say $365. Okay. Paul, what do you think? I'll say $42. $540. Wow. $540. And the price is right. You didn't go over.

Yeah. You're going to go to the showcase showdown? Yeah. You want to die next set? Congratulations to me. Yeah. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's real sweetheart la, la, la, la, la.

It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Paul Rust, sand collector. Yeah. Yep. You guys saw him? I got sand falling out of my pockets here.

Coming out of my ears. Can I share with you a very brief anecdote that I wrote down on my phone so that I wouldn't remember? Please. So that I would remember? I bought a car. Vroom, vroom. I know, I know. And I was at the car dealership.

And I was absolutely – I had no plan to buy a car on this visit. My wife and I just wanted to drive this car. And so Rolls-Royce. Really? I'm sorry. Did I say Rolls-Royce? I meant Volvo Station. So we're at the Volvo dealership, and the salesman has an odd kind of gentle bumbling quality to him.

Sure. Which I don't know if that's specific to Swedish car dealerships. Yeah. I mean, I think in general, people who – I mean, I did some car shopping recently. Yeah, you did before you bought that Prius. Oh, yeah. And yeah, it seems like a car salesman is, like, it's right. It's a guy who has failed. Like, it's a guy who, like, didn't, I don't know.

But they got to be able to close. Right. I don't know. It's probably a fine life being a car salesman. But, right, I think the idea of them being like slick guys, like smooth talking, you know, king of the neighborhood types. Yeah. I feel like – I visited another car dealership and the dealer there or the salesman there was a man whose second language was English and I felt like he was yelling at me the whole time. Sure.

second language was English and I felt like he was yelling at me the whole time. Anyway, so Patrick, my salesman at Rusnak Volvo, shout out to Patrick, very nice man. There was a moment when he sold me a car, like when he absolutely positively closed the deal. And it was when I said something about the interior of the car, like, oh, this one has – oh, it looks like this one has the built-in booster seats, I believe was what it was. A big appeal to the young family. I said, oh, this one has the built-in booster seats, it looks like. And he went, oh, I'm sorry. Was that a question?

I was spacing out. You're like, sold. Sold. Was that a question I was spacing out? You're like, sold! Sold! That's great. A man who can own up to spacing out. I just want a ribbon of honesty in this sea of dishonesty. Close! I mean, is that a technique?

Is he like, I'm going to blow people away? Maybe he's how real I am. If he learned that at a sales seminar, I think it's blow people away. Maybe you know how real I am. If you learn that at a sales seminar. Sure. I think it's the greatest sales seminar ever. You know, it's the sales version of nagging. Yeah. Or maybe it's, you know, kind of a thing where, you know, you're Taylor Swift's, you're Jennifer Lawrence's, you know, real celebrities. J-Law?

Celebrities who are real. Like, down to earth. Like me and my friends. Yeah, yeah right yeah you know how they'll trip or they'll you know photo bomb someone in a less than flattering way this you know this endears them to everyone because they're not you know some celebrity on a pedestal they're like me and my friends so do you think this is a technique where he's like oh you know i know that the car salesman is seen as this kind of slick,

you know, smooth talking type. I'm going to space out and see more down to earth. There was another great moment, which was they delivered the car to my house. And he was there and he was taking me through, you know, if you buy a car, like there's a part where after you bought it, the salesman takes you through the features, helps you set up the presets on the radio. And a neighbor of mine was walking his dog and walked past and said, oh, that's a nice car as he was walking by. I was like, oh, thank you.

As it was getting – oh, that's nice. I was like, oh, thank you. As it was getting – oh, that's nice. And my – the Patrick from Rusnak Volvo, he goes, oh, you know, I could sell you one if you want. That was pretty good. It's good. And my neighbor said, oh, that's not my price range. And he says, Patrick goes, we got old ones. Man.

As old as you. Okay. So Patrick still knows how to go for the jugular when he needs to. We got old ones. Getting to hear somebody, though, say that's a nice car as it's being delivered to you is like on a first date, the waiter saying, like, you guys make a good couple. Yeah. Like, oh, I made the right choice here. A waiter did that to me once. It was

great. Yeah? Yeah. Felt good, I bet. Did. Felt nice. Did you fuck the waiter? No. But he fucked my friend in front of me. Well, I know you're all about that cuck lifestyle. Well, friend cucking.

That's definitely a subreddit. Yeah. Hashtag friend cuck. Reddit slash r slash friend cuck. But we're in our 30s. Sure. Cuck youngie. Well, anyway.

Yeah. Well, anyway. Yeah. This and more is part of the virtuous and high-minded content that we hope that you'll support in the upcoming Max Fun Drive. It's coming up. So I guess next episode will be our first Max Fun Drive episode. Yeah. Raising money.

Yeah. Giving away cool prizes. Oh, yeah. Can we tease those prizes, Jesse? A PDF of Wayne's Leisure World. Of the Wayne's Leisure World. Yeah. Listen, I know we just plugged a big online fundraiser. If you have any money left from supporting Wayne's Leisure World.

If you support us at the Jordan's Platinum Angels level, If you support us at the Jordan's Platinum Angels level, I will buy you a complete set of all of the Ernest movies. How much did it cost? Right now you're holding up a piece of paper that says, can I have yours? How much did it cost? I think it was like $25. Okay, done. Great. Great.

It might be used. Sure. Whatever they have on half.com. Okay, done. Great. Great. It might be used. Sure. I might just- Whatever they have on half.com. Steal it. Steal it from Paul's house. So we got cool prizes. Yeah.

Amazing prizes. I cannot reveal any of the prizes. Okay, but they're amazing. I have been working. We have a crack team. Of course, Lindsay. Many people know Lindsay Pavlis, who works here in the office. My wife, Teresa, and our newest employee, Stacy Molsky, have been working for months on the amazing.

There is something. Do you remember Megan Lynn Cott, the artist who did the cat calendar a year ago? So a year ago, we offered a calendar of all of the Max Fun personalities as cats. Oh, that's good. That was painted by Megan Lynn Cott, a very brilliant artist from Oakland. Megan has worked on a really amazing

graphic design project for us this time. I can't reveal too much about it, besides that it's something that would really come in handy if you were a hobo or a hobo's dog or a cowboy. Okay. I'm going to leave it at that. Interesting. I'm going to leave it at that, like a rodeo cowboy.

So we got cool prizes. Yeah. Bonus episodes for every single gosh darn MaxFun show. Yeah. Bonus episodes for every single gosh darn MaxFun show. Yeah. We're going to record a bonus episode with Sonny D on the microphone where we answer all of your questions. And there are literally, what, there's like 10 bonus, 15, 20 bonus episodes of Jordan Jesse Go that you can get access to now. Yeah.

So if you're a new donor, you get access to all this bonus stuff that's been building up throughout the years. That's tons and tons of cool podcast content you wouldn't get otherwise. JJ, go gross lake. If you got a good, if you got a little road trip coming up. Yep. If you got a vacay, if you got a- Terrible job. Terrible job. Stuff will really come in handy.

Perfect. That sounds great. And yeah, and you keep the show going because if people didn't support it, we'd quit. I'd quit. I don't know, would you? I'd quit. Jordan would quit. Quit'd quit. I don't know. Would you? I'd quit. Jordan would quit. Quit in a goddamn second.

The truth is Jordan and I have been friends for so long, we can barely stand each other's company. Sure. I don't like – you know how they say there's like pheromonal attraction? Yeah. I now with Jordan have pheromonal repulsion. Sure. Like there is a smell.

You can only – yeah. There's an unconscious smell that disgusts me about Jordan Morris. I don't believe it. And so, yeah, the only thing that's keeping us here is those sweet greenbacks. Yeah. No, but it's, you know, kind of the knowledge that there's people out here who like the Scotch Darn thing because the Lord knows nobody's given us a CISO. Nope.

We don't got no CISO. So we're basically. We don't even have a super deluxe yeah lp queen of pets yeah we can uh you know we could we can it's an example thank you you know we can tour and you know get 50 people to come out yeah well often we can get as many as 120 sure between 50 and 100 people so you know this this isn't that isn't it isn't a huge blockbuster operation but we do have Well, often we can get as many as 120. Sure. Between 50 and 100 people. So, you know, this isn't a huge blockbuster operation, but we do have a lot of very cool fans, and it's nice that they come out and support it. No doubt. The knowledge that there are cool people who will support it keeps this dumb thing going that isn't really getting us anywhere. So, yeah.

So we thank you, and it's totally, totally important that you support it. And there's tons we thank you and it's totally, totally important that you support it and there's tons of stuff you get anyway so it'll be cool and fun. This podcast

is rightfully beloved. If it weren't for your support, Brian would have starved long ago. Sure. At the end of the day, this is about Sonny D.

Sure, you say. Isn't Sonny D a professional television writer now? Yes, granted. But before, previous to that, our producer, Brian, whose laughs may likely either thrill or deeply upset you outside the studio, he literally could have starved at many points. And then we would never have had the E primetime soap opera, The Royals.

There you go. Just think of it that way. In a way, you are preserving, you are preventing an alternate history in which Elizabeth Hurley is unemployed. So yeah, and I think our shows for those couple weeks are going to be extra special and fun too.

So you got that to look forward to. We're going to have super special favorite guests and all kinds of great shenanigans. And we're doing a live show to close out the whole thing. There you go. That all kicks off March 14th, runs for two weeks. The last Friday night, we will be doing a live show with lots of special guests. So we hope that you will support us and Maximum Fun. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, Go.

It's Jordan, Jesse, Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, the Neckerchief King. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Paul Rust, Planter's wart. Wow. Wait, what happened to the sand collector? You don't have to change. It's old. You don't have to.

Okay. You're tired of it. Now you're a kind of wart. I hate sand now. Really? You've turned on it that badly? This isn't just about wanting a fresh nickname. This is a whole lifestyle change. A deep. This is like going to jail and joining the nation of Islam

It's like you're on a whole new fucking set of shit Yep, yep, yep Gets in your socks That's why I don't like saying it That's a good point, gets in your socks What's the thing that you're into now? Planters work You are that or you're into now? Planters work?

You are that or you're into that? P-L-A-N-T-A-R. I think it's for planters, but it's named after a man named Plantar. From the third moon of Kremplot. Yeah, Google image, planters work. Have a good day. Plantar from Godzilla. Sure, yeah. Well, plantar is an allegory for the West encroaching onto Japan.

That's why he's wearing that cowboy hat with the boner on it. Okay, when something momentous happens to you, like an enormous dinosaur monster fights in your streets, like an enormous dinosaur monster fights in your streets, we ask you to call us at 206-9844-FUN for our beloved signature segment, which is called Momentous Occasions. Thank you.

I remembered it. You're welcome. Cool. Let's take our first call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, Brian, and guest. This is Chris. I'm calling from Portland, Maine. I have two boys.

I have an eight-year-old and a four-year-old. My eight-year-old is away this week on vacation with his mother. And my four-year-old just came out of their bedroom and said, I'm wearing my brother's underwear and I feel great. All right, you guys. Have a good day. Bye. Cool. That's good. That's a good day. Bye. Cool.

That's good. That's good. That's a good way to establish dominion. That's probably what he was trying to do, huh? I remember I came back home from college once, and I didn't have clean underwear, so my mom said, you should wear your dad's, and it was like the weirdest version of Freaky Friday. What kind of undies is your dad into? Gross.

Super gross dad undies. Gross and stretched out with no elasticity. Browned with age. Mm-hmm. Oh, man. I was always like... Do you think that's why there's such a generational divide in the Democratic

primary do you think Hillary Clinton at some point came out in favor of stretched out baby boomers were like yeah you keep them till you can't during the depression it's like nobody wants to correct that good Of course. You keep them until you can't. Yeah. But Bernie Sanders. Because we grew up during the Depression.

It's like nobody wants to correct that good. Bernie Sanders was like, replace your underwear every two years, whether you need it or not. Millennials are like, yeah, Bernie, Bernie. Typical spendocrat. Spending all his money on undies. You know, a lot of economists say that Bernie Sanders plans to replace America's undies are underfunded. Well, technically that they're under, underfunded. Underfunded? Yeah.

Where? You know, there's a dominatrix in New York that is donating some of her spanking money to Bernie Sanders. That's nice. If you are a Wall Street guy. She donates $20 from your spanking to Bernie Sanders. That sounds nice.

That'll probably involve taking off those undies we mentioned earlier. Don't worry, it'll be pretty easy. They're no longer elasticated. Sure, you just slip them right off. as we mentioned earlier. The aforementioned ones? Yeah. Don't worry. It'll be pretty easy. Yeah. They're no longer elasticated. Sure. You just slip them right off. These old fat cats.

Okay. Let's take our next call. Hey, guys. I have had a painful IUD birth control thing in me for years now, but this weekend it got so painful that I decided it had to go, and I can't afford a doctor's appointment, so I made my husband do it. It was the least sexy and most intimate half hour of my life. Half an hour? I love you, bye.

Oh, my God. That's awesome. I'm so glad she shared that. Surely there's a free clinic or something you could go to. That's what Planned Parenthood, that's exactly what they're talking about when they say that Planned Parenthood is more than just abortion. As other services, it'll yank out your rusty old IUD. Hey, I resent that. Yeah.

Rusty. Sorry. Sorry, Paul. Come on, man. Sorry, Paul. You just smell like a vagina. That's my surname, boy. I am glad we got to hear your famous catchphrase, that's my surname, boy.

Because the fans would have been livid if you didn't say it. Why didn't he say it? Yeah. He's intentionally depriving us of that. Do you know, because, I mean,

last time Seth MacFarlane was on here, he didn't do Stewie. And people, he only did, do you want to hear a really great story? American Dad.

Yeah, only did American Dad. From the show American Dad. You guys are familiar with the Birthday Boys? Sure. Hilarious. Beloved. Beloved sketch comedy group. Yeah, we did American Dad. From the show American Dad. You guys are familiar with the Birthday Boys? Sure. Hilarious. Beloved. Beloved sketch comedy group.

Yeah. Apparently they were at a bar and they were next to- As a group, collectively? I think probably, yeah. They go everywhere together, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they do spend most of their time together. I think so, yeah.

They're buddies. Yeah. You don't see that with Monty Python. No, I know, right? You don't see Eric Idle palling around with, well, Michael Palin around. But they were at a bar

and there was a... Oh, Paul, you're fun. Maximum, I hope. They were at a bar. I wish I wasn't smelling Jordan right now or I'd be having a great time. That's me too. Yeah. They were at a bar I wish I wasn't smelling Jordan right now That's me too They were at a bar and there was a family crest

That had Griffin written on it And then Seth MacFarlane walked in They were I think a little drunk Yeah They were like walked over And I was like come over They pointed at the family crest Griffin The namesake at the family president's

Griffin, the namesake of the family guy. And I guess his reaction was a mixture of confusion and bafflement. Yeah, thanks. Yep. You know, speaking of

alternative birth control methods, my understanding from family lore is that I was conceived after my mother had her norplant removed and didn't tell my father. That's fun. Isn't that a fun story? Yeah, that's nice. I can't say 100% that that's the truth, but that's my understanding. That's the story of the Christ child as well. Yeah.

A lot of people think it was like an immaculate conception, but- Yeah. Like Catholics. Right. Most Christians. Mary just wanted Joseph to put a ring on it, right? Yeah. That's all those ladies want.

They got to get that ring. Yeah. Or at least those child support payments. Sure. Those two. Those two. They're not going back to Philly. All that. That was Mary's motto. I're not going back to Philly. All that.

That was Mary's motto. I'm not going back to Philly. Yeah. No matter what, I'm not going back to Philly. It seems, I mean, I know that when you are married, things get intimate. That's true. You know, you. Look, I'm not trying to brag, gentlemen, but I found that to be the case.

Damn it. Point by point. Side facts, side facts everywhere. trying to brag, gentlemen, but I found that to be the case. Damn it. But it does seem like there are some mystiques that you should... Why did that not even merit you actually taking out your phone and giving me a real air horn? Oh, I'm sorry. But you know what? I'm getting... Listen.

I'm getting lazy. Do you want to do that thing again about how you have sex? Guys... Here. Okay. Hold on. Wait. I want to make that thing again about how you have sex? Guys. Okay, hold on. Wait. I want to make sure the volume's up. Okay. Guys, Paul, you know, I've been married for a while.

I don't mean to brag or anything, but my experience is that, yes, Jordan's right. Once you get married, you do spend some time being intimate. Y'all ready for this? I even did an extra. Thank you. Did an extra catchphrase. Thank you so much. It seems like you do, you know, you find, I don't know, maybe they're in some sort of rural area.

Right. I don't know. Go to that dog house. Don't have your husband yank out your business. He's got to get all up in that later. You don't want him fishing around for hardware anyway that saves you a trip into town i guess this sounds like a pretty solid vagina monologue yeah yeah i mean on the plus side get eve ensler on the phone sure she's eve ensler you know what was awful was when she was on the vagina it's awful when sheler on the phone, sure. She's Eve Hensler. You know what was awful was when she was on the show and didn't do Stewie.

I know. Come on, Eve. You want to hear Stewie. Anyway. Okay, let's take another call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and Jess. I'm a second semester senior in college, a few months from graduation, and I just had a threesome with two of my best friends

who I met on the very first day of freshman orientation. So that was a long time coming. Get them, get them, get them. Hey, it looks like our boy got out the friend zone, am I right? He got out the friend zone in a big way. He put in three and a half years of work. Paid off. Yeah.

Guys, one word. College. Yeah. We've all gone to college. Jam it in. Yank it out. Jam it in. Yank it out.

Y'all ready for this? That's nice. I'm glad that happened for him Paul not to spoil anything from Love but the first episode has a rather humorous three way themed comedy scene

It was very ribald Yeah it was pretty ribald Would you say it was ribald? Yeah definitely Shocking All this talk of ribaldry has me ribald. Would you say it was ribald? Yeah, definitely. Am I pronouncing that right? Shocking. Yeah. Oh, all this talk of ribaldry has me ribaldry. Has me all aflutter.

Yes, it's true. Yeah. And I had to watch it with my parents three seats down from me. No. So that was cool. Did you get a boner? I think. Did your dad get a boner?

It reached Porky's level heights of laughs plus boner. Yeah. Yeah, I wonder, I just want to say to this guy, threesome or not, dude, you're living during a glory period. Last semester of senior year, man. Sure. Relish this, my friend. Live it up you don't know where you're gonna be in a year

you don't know have more barbecues that's my number one recommendation to you get out there and barbecue threesome barbecue on a cycle we're coming up threesome barbecue threesome barbecue

threesome barbecue we're coming up on a barbecue season make sure you don't accidentally cook any wieners yeah sure yeah Make sure you don't accidentally cook any wieners. Yeah, sure. Yeah. College, college, college. But I am looking forward to barbecue season, L.A. barbecue season.

It's going to be a lot of fun. That is going to be fun. Sitting out by the pool. You've got it. With a grilled hot dog. You've got it. Maybe somebody lights up a J. Oh, sure. Nice.

Get things a little mellow. No, I meant a jamboree. You could light up a jamboree. The lighting basketball legend, Julius Erving. Dr. J. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I not say doctor?

No. You set Dr. J on fire. Paul, I don't know where you are. I guess I've never known where you've lived, but do you have a barbecue set up where you are these days? I don't. Wish I did. Yeah.

Guys, as a powerful dad, I am, as contractually obligated, the owner of a big green egg. Yeah. Nice, nice. And I'm not trying to brag, again, about being married, but I fucked a big green egg. Yeah. Nice, nice. And I'm not trying to brag, again, about being married, but I fucked my big green egg. Cool. No. You put a rig on it beforehand, right?

I've inseminated my big green egg. My big green egg. Your big green dick, sure. That would be funny if. I was going to say my big green jizz. Oh, sure. That would be funny if... I was going to say my big green jizz. Oh, okay. No, I made some bacon on Monday, that's all. No, that's nice.

Yeah, I didn't go to work. I wasn't feeling that good, so I stayed home and I made some bacon. I smoked a pork... whatever it's called, pork belly. Cool. I love a pork belly. Well, I say cure it and smoke it, and then you're really living large. Hey, and you know what I say?

What's that? That's my surname, boy. We'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Jessico. Hello, Brent. Travis. Welcome to Trends Like These. What's Trends Like These, you ask?

Well, it's a podcast where we take the news trending on the internet and we cover it in podcast form. We go beyond the headlines, beyond the memes to bring you the real story so that when your friends bring it up, you can look real smart. We take things that need to be debunked and we debunk them. And then we take things that need to be re-bunked and we re-bunk them. We bring you all the details and we give you a spin on it. Our opinions, our thoughts, and we also try to dig up some positive things to talk about so it's not all bummers. Just a couple of real-life friends talking internet trends. So join us every Thursday on MaximumFun.org and wherever podcasts are found.

It's Jordan, la, la. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Paul Rust. Crikey, callback. Yeah, there it is. Paul knows the rules of comedy because he is a comedy celebrity and a comedy veteran.

He's the star of the film. I fought an award. I love you, Beth Cooper. And you were hilarious in that, of the film. I fought in a war. I love you, Beth Cooper. And you were hilarious in that, by the way. I was crossing my eyes. Yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa. I hope I don't get shot. That was the French and Indian Wars. Isn't that right?

Yeah, the funniest one. The funniest of all the wars. He is the star of Love on Netflix alongside a fellow friend of the program, Gillian Jacobs. All goes according to Hoyle. She'll be the guest on next week's program. Hey.

You're in luck. She's awesome. She is. She's a delight. She's the best. She is a delight. She was actually our guest on a Pledge Drive grand finale show. Was that last year or the year before?

I think it was last year, yeah. Yeah. She came down. She lives in the neighborhood. She just rolled through. And a lover of weirdo comedy. You got it. She loves great comedy and public radio. She's my kind of gal. Great lady, that Gillian Jacobs. But Paul Rust, he's a pretty great lady.

You mean people can't see this, but I'm dressed as Tootsie. Oh, you do go on. see this but I'm dressed as Tootsie. Oh, you do go on. But Paul is the creator of the hilarious Netflix series Love, which you should definitely

check out. All ten episodes. All ten. Would you say it's totally bingeable? I would say it's totally bingeable. Okay, good. I just wanted someone would say it's totally bingeable. Okay, good. Yeah.

I just wanted someone to say it. Thank God. Thank God. And he's also the co-writer. He's been working for years and years on this Pee Wee project. I started in preschool. Well, I mean, I have frequently mocked Paul for this, but his old website used to just mostly just be pictures of Peter Herman that he drew when he was eight. And also, I think, had a drawing of my grave.

Because there was a kid who passed away young. And this is a great way to start an anecdote. But he had a gravestone with his picture on it, and I envied him. So cool. So I started drawing, like, Mom, Dad, if I die an untimely death, use this as my gravestone. And it was like a statue of me with my quote unquote characters. So it'd be like, you know how Walt Disney's like shaking the hand of Mickey Mouse. So it was like me with my arms crossed and then like my character, like a cartoon characters

that I. These characters you had created? Mm-hmm. Wow. Yeah. You remember any of them? Are any of them here with us today? Yeah.

They might be. Hey. Whoa. Hey. Whoa. Hey, get out of here. It's Stewie. Oh, yeah, I did tell you I invented Stewie. Great job. That guy's hilarious.

Thank you. I love. But anyway, this Pee Wee Herman movie, which Paul made along with Paul Rubens, the creator of Pee Wee Herman, and was directed quite ably by one of the dudes from Wonder Shows. Yeah, John Lee. John Lee, a very brilliant guy. Yeah, he's amazing. I was, you know, I went to a screening of it. I was worried to go to the screening

because I thought I sure like Paul Rust I know how long he's worked on this movie and I also like you know there could not be a thing more important to like who I am as a person

than Pee Wee Herman like more than Monty Python or Saturday, anything. Me too. More than the 1989 San Francisco Giants. I think you should say earthquake. Yeah. Good earthquake. Good earthquake.

But they really knocked it out of the park. It is a fucking blast, this movie. Thanks, Jesse. So I hope people will look forward to watching that when that comes on to Netflix in what, April? March 18th. March 18th. So that's coming right look forward to watching that when that comes on to Netflix in what, April? March 18th. March 18th. So that's coming right up. Yeah.

And Max FunCon. There we go. People could be talking about it there. You got it. Oh, speaking of Max FunCon, can I also mention, we have opened up,

there are reservations for Max FunCon East open right now. A hundred bucks. Save your slot. There will be payment plans. People have asked me that. You can look up the prices there.

It's in the Poconos Labor Day weekend. But there are no emotional reservations. That's a good point. And there are no Anthony Bourdain reservations. Good, good. I was worried. He is not coming. I'm not going to announce the lineup, but

I'll say that if you're a fan of Jordan, Jesse, go. You'll be happy with the personalities that are there at both regular MaxFunCon and MaxFunCon East. But in addition to those slots at East, we actually have managed to squeeze a couple of beds out for regular MaxFunCon. And this will go out a couple days after we have done that. So hopefully they will still be there for you. But go to MaxFunCon.com if you want to come to MaxFunCon near LA in June. There are literally a handful of beds that we've managed to make available by moving people around. And this is the very last possible second. As you guys know, it sells out right away every year, but then we assign everyone a room.

We usually manage to squeeze out a couple extra rooms. So all that information at maxfundcon.com, and we'll talk to you at the Max Fund Drive in just a couple of weeks. We're on Reddit, maximumfund.reddit.com, hashtag it JJGo on Twitter, and we love to see your thoughts and ideas. Please do not tell us what we look like. No.

Brian Sonny D. Fernandez on the boards. And, of course, we're also on Facebook. There's an awesome MaxFun Facebook group, and you can like Jordan Jesse Go. And thank you, Paul Rust, for joining us on the program. Thanks for having me, guys. Always a blast. Love you, dudes. Always a delight.

We'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jesse Go. MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.