Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 419: Anals of History with Nick Adams

Episode Date: March 14, 2016

Nick "Repeat" Adams joins Jordan and Jesse for an extra special MaxFunDrive edition of the show.  Biggest episode ever some might say.  From startling revelations to tips on getting a hat on a cat, this one has it all.   It's MaxFunDrive 2016!  Go to MaximumFun.org/Donate to support the shows you love and get some cool stuff!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. Who am I? Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan. Hmm. Welcome to the biggest Jordan Jesse Goh of all time. Oh man, oh shit. Was I supposed to prepare something?

Yeah. Fuck man, I thought we were just. Was I supposed to prepare something? Yeah. Fuck, man. I thought we were just going to do our normal C-minus show. No, this is supposed to be the biggest one of all time?

Yeah. This is our biggest show of all time? Did you prepare something? No, I asked you to prepare the biggest show of all time, Jordan. Fuck, man.

I spase. It's the Max Fun Drive, man. When did we have this conversation? We don't do this two times a year. It's all of the money we make from this show.

Depends on how big this show is. You're a professional comedy writer. Look, you pull the strings. I'm just a puppet. Jeez, man, I am so sorry. It's just been a big week. What have you been doing? Catching up on that OJ show.

Street Fighter V is out, so I'm trying to get competitive in that Jesus Christ It's working okay Gotta learn how to use my V-trigger I'm sorry dude I spaced Jordan you should have given me a V-trigger warning Sorry V-trigger warning

Fuck me Sorry if anybody's been injured by a V-skill out there Oh boy I hope somebody understood that That would make my day if anybody's been injured by a V-skill out there. Oh, boy. I hope somebody understood that. That would make my day. Anyway. I hope no one heard what I said. It was too stupid.

Yeah. Well, hey, what about this? What about... What about we just do our normal show? Okay. And then maybe, like, at the end of each segment. Right. The show's broken into segments.

This is the intro segment. I don't understand. Okay. So there's parts of the show that are broken up by a small bed of music or an ad for another Max Fun show or something like that. So at the end of each segment, there's typically four in a show. One, two, three. After that's four. Four.

At the end of each segment, we have a startling revelation. Okay. What do you think about that? Does it have to resolve after the act break? No. I mean, let's not go nuts here. I think we haven't had a show. I mean, maybe once every three three shows will have a startling

revelation this show will contain four separate startling revelations and i think the fact that they are so startling people won't even care if they wrap up or are satisfying i think we just need to to this is called the this is called the lost theory of storytelling? Yes, exactly. Yeah, I mean, I would say it's also the Walking Dead theory if I wasn't so close to someone associated with the show. And the employee of someone who's so close to the show. Yeah, so, I mean, let's just go for pure plot pornography. Just so you know, Nick, our guest is Nick Adams. Just so you, Nick, know Nick, Jordan works for a zombie. Okay.

And it's really hard to get parts in show business. You work for the guy with the bad southern accent? Yeah, exactly. I'm his bad southern accent coach. If it starts to become too authentic, I will tell him to fake it up a little bit. Like, dude, you're Australian or something, probably. I watched the first season of The Walking Dead, so I could be wrong on this. But I'm pretty sure the black guy from the first season, I think the dog was like the first line he ever said.

It had dog in it. And my thumb, I didn't even do it. My thumb did it. My thumb was just like, nope, we're out. Go. Too many things to watch, man. Get out of here what's he to be fair were they talking about early pre like like aol era internet memes and he was just saying you're the man now dog no he's like what was your favorite early internet meme oh you are the man now dog dog. There was no, like, the zombies attacked right in the middle of a contentious who's better Warren G. or Nate Dogg conversation.

That's what happened. They just happened to catch him. I'm surprised to hear that one of the characters on The Walking Dead would say his first line and have it have dog in it. I didn't even know Method Man was on that show. As himself, actually. Every character Method Man has ever played. Poor Method Man was on that show. As himself, actually. That's every character Method Man has ever played. Poor Method Man.

He's a perfectly good actor. I also, I just love the fact that at a certain point, hip-hop got big enough where they were like, we can cast this rapper. Does he act?

No. Is he like a huge crossover? No. No, not really. Do people know his name? Not particularly. No. The dude from Onyx has no cachet. We're just going to fucking put him in a movie because he's in Onyx. Of the rappers who were precariously thrown into acting roles, is there someone who stands out as being kind of good?

Well, Mos Def was an actor and a rapper. Which is weird because he's such a terrible actor he he can be good but he has a little of that um he's like a high school actor every time he every line he says you imagine him doing jazz hands at the end or going what like look at that i acted i think also his acting did the same thing as his music making. He just was like, I'm charismatic and people like me, and I'm just going to mumble for like three and a half minutes. You still have to do a song, Yassine. I saw a late period Mos Def performance at the skateboarding television show

that Jordan worked on for a long time, which was really cool. I mean, Mos Def was and is a great rapper. He's never actually, he's basically never made a great album. He's barely made a great song. Black on Both Sides is a great album. Like his first solo album is great. I would characterize Black Star as a great album, but that's only half his album. I'd say Black on Both Sides is a good album, but I know that puts me in a minority okay okay that's fair but anyway that's not what we're

here to talk about we're here to talk about the fact that he was doing a music performance to promote a brand of watches the brand of watches called jordan's television show and said uh most def will do a music performance on your show as long as you show a lot of our watches. Okay. There's like a handful. I'm not going to reveal the brands, but there are a handful of brands that you could say that it would make me okay with. It was not one of those brands. What was the brand of watch? I assure you.

If you say Invicta, I'm out of here. It was Nixon watches. Oh, shit. It was a Macy's brand of watches. Oh, shit. Most was rapping to sell watches to 14-year-old snowboarders is what you're telling me? That's exactly what I'm telling you. It did feel like a lot of those, when I was working at the skateboard TV show and kind of saw those trends ebb and flow, it seemed like they were very, very late to, and not just Nixon watches, but, your Quicksilvers, your Volcoms, brands like that.

Roxy. Yeah, yeah. We're just like real late to like, hey, maybe we should get a rap guy. Definitely said rap guy. Yeah, yeah. They said, what about one of these rap men? Can we get a rapster? Our core demographic seems to like these rapsters.

Most Def is a particularly compelling rapster in his life story. I don't know if you've been following this, Nick. A little bit. Most Def moved to South Africa about four or five years ago. And there are rumors that I can neither confirm nor deny that he did it in order to avoid uh paying uh uh child support yeah that's what i've read that's what i've heard as well but i don't it's not a confirmed report are you sure it's not just to be closer to dave matthews who he's a frequent collaborator with from what i understand he's making an album with paul simon oh okay south South Africa's most legendary musician. Sure, yeah. But the best part, so that was already like, Mos Def had already moved into kind of like a weird hermit who doesn't actually do anything.

He would be like in a movie here and there. Like, he did like, there was like a sequel to Get Shorty 3. What was that sequel? Oh, God. What was the movie? It's like based on Elmore Leonard or something. I'd like to see Mos Def in a straight-to-DVD get-shorty-three. I think that is Mos Def's.

It's shortier? Perfect. Look who's shorting now. Sorry. But you know what I mean? He'll do like- Look who's sharting now, I meant to say. So Mos Def, the best-

Okay, so the best part about- Jesse, did you know that the straight-to-DVD get to DVD Get Shorty 3 is called Look Who's Sharting Now? It is. Yes, I had heard that, Jordan. The best part about Mos Def moving to South Africa and living there for, like I said, a solid like five years is that he never got a visa. So he just got deported from South Africa because in all these years – like this is South Africa. They can't be working that hard to keep major international celebrities out of South Africa. Yeah, that's way low on their list of priorities. They got worried about that.

Like at some point Mos Def just had to hand any lawyer $50 and he had – and he would have become a parliament member in South Africa. That's how badly one would assume South Africa would want Mos Def to get permanent residency. But Mos Def never even filled in a thing. He was on a tourist visa for five years and finally got deported from South Africa. But it's along the lines of the Wesley Snipes tax thing. The internet is literally at your fingertips 24 hours a day.

Let me just see if there's anything I need to do to stay in South Africa. While I'm waiting for my smoothie at this hut across from the beach, let me just check. One of those South African smoothie huts. Yeah. You know what? They have smoothies. I think at least. One of those South African smoothie huts. Yeah. You know what? They have smoothies. I think at least- Are they served out of huts?

At least- You can't be on the beach and not have a smoothie hut. No, you're right. You're right. International law. How many guys would you say are in Lady Smith Black Mambazo? I don't know. The classic-

Wait, wait, wait. Are we talking about the classic lineup? No, we're talking about the touring lineup. Yeah, the current touring lineup. They probably got two Ladysmith Black Mambazos. They just have to stay in different hemispheres. Yeah, there's like two separate ones. And one, like the Black Mambazo, like there's a letter that's capitalized.

Like the Z is capitalized in that one. It's a whole different type of thing. It's the Ladies with Black Mambazo experience. This isn't the band. This is a- It's a Gallagher, Gallagher 2 level. How many of those guys would you say there are? 12, 14, something like that?

Somewhere between 10 and 40. I guarantee if one of them isn't an immigration lawyer, he's at least one of those notaries that fills out immigration paperwork. Like you can almost do it yourself, but then you still need to take it to a notary. Yeah. So Mos Def just all literally Mos Def has to do. This is how the telephones work in South Africa. It's a second world country. He picks up the phone and says, hi, this is Mos Def.

Can I speak with Lady Smith Black Mambazo? A voice on the other line says, yes, sir. We'll patch you straight through. You already are. The utilities are run by Lady Smith Black Mambazo. Well, everything was great until Big Mambazo came in and took over all of our resources. That was part of the fall of apartheid power was transferred from the africaners to lady smith black

power corrupts man or like with most death like i like i'm sure there are dozens of times over the over the years where he's just been like, picked up the phone. Talib Kweli sees the phone. He's like, oh, Jesus, what is this? Yeah. Hey, man, what's up? Yeah, you need that. You got to get a driver's license.

You just have to go down to the DMV and renew it. It's like a 20-minute thing. You got to go. You have AAA. They'll do it at AAA. Yeah, you can do it at AAA. Like, how many times has Talib Kweli, like, don't do that, man. That's a bad idea.

South Africa? Why? Like, what about, like, Cuba? You're close. Like, it's, no, Jesus. I like the idea of, like, a catch-up conversation between Talib Kweli and Moe Staff. It's like, hey, you know, like, Moe says, or Talib says says to Mo, it's like, well, what have you been up to lately, Mo? He's like, you know, I hang out and different people write me checks.

And then he's like, how about you, Talib Kweli? And he's like, trying really hard all the time. Earnest. Yeah. Do a lot of trying hard. Yeah, I've just been hanging out and, you know, really enjoying my new watch from Nixon. You don't have to do that when you talk to me, man. I don't have to say it.

I don't care. You don't have to do that when it's just us. Most just us. Do we still own that black bookstore in New York? I don't think so. No, I don't think we do. What do you guys know about the phenomenon? Speaking of rapper turned actor.

Yeah. I am familiar that I know that this is a thing, but I don't know much about it. Of that little period where a rapper would do a straight to DVD action movie with Steven Seagal. Well, there's a couple of rappers. It's mostly DMX, right? That's the main guy that did that. I believe Ja Rule got in on some of that action. Ja Rule, sure, sure.

I think one of the most amazing actor careers. Isn't it? It's Tretch from Naughty by Nature that has like a semi-pornographic acting career. Oh, yeah? Like he does Showtime porn or something? Yeah. Yes. And he's in like those kind of shows like – I'm not saying this show particularly because this show doesn't have a lot of black people in it. But like that Spartacus Swords and Blood show.

Like that type of show, that level of production. Right. Often has Tretch from Naughty by Nature in it. Will he show his dong? Yes, he will show his dong. And I think he's done actual porn. Wow. If I remember correctly, he's done penetrative porn.

That's nice that he, oh, sorry. No, no, I think you're correct. I think I remember that happening. There was a time period where there was a lot of, like, I think Snoop. But, like, Snoop's porn, I think Snoop's porn was just, like, just at the beginning, he goes, like, hey, what's up? It's me, Snoop Doggy Dog. Enjoy this. This pornography.

Is my porn. hey, what's up? It's me, Snoop Doggy Dog. Enjoy this. And this pornography is my porn. Well, I think it was like there would be strippers and video vixens around, and then they would segue into actual porn. I think maybe Snoop's wife was like,

you can't be anywhere where there's fucking happening, like at the actual porn location. Sure. You can introduce it. We'll splice you in. You will do the wraparound. But I thinkches a good example of uh of a rapper actor who just like his at this point his sole qualification for being an actor i don't know if he may be a good actor so that might be one of his qualifications but his main thing when he walks into a room is

they go you're a rapper right it's like no one is going nobody's like i gotta go see that new naughty by nature movie like no offense to naughtyughty by Nature, a legendary hip hop group, but no one cares. But also what rappers figured out is that the same thing that actors figured out is once you get two parts, you're just a working actor. You know what I mean? Your bona fides don't mean shit. It's like once Tretch from Naughty by Nature gets two credits on his resume. You know, it doesn't matter. But I think it's maybe the more impressive thing that he managed to do, penetrative porn, but then also be in kind of trashy cable productions. I feel like he's a real urban success story. Tretch from Naughty by Nature.

So you're saying he might be at the State of the Union address? He might stand up in the balcony and wave to people? I'm going to look up Tretch's IMDb. Anthony Tretch Chris. He's in Wolf of Wall Street. Shit. He was in Up in the Air. He's in 8 Mile.

And he's also in a movie that he starred in called Love and a Bullet. Hitman falls in love with the boss's girlfriend, who may just be his next target. Oh my gosh. I wonder how that resolves itself. You know what? 5.2 out of 10 on IMDb. It could be a lot worse.

Yeah, sure. You know, it was fun to dive into that world of Showtime porn recently. i was looking into the woman who was in a ted cruz commercial uh i think it was a the commercial was a like support group for republicans oh yeah uh and you know it was like a it was like a mock aa meeting of people who were like coming to grips with being conservatives. And one of the women just in the AA meeting turned out to be a soft porn star. Yeah.

And her – They cast it on Craigslist. Yeah, yeah. And I think all you had to do was say that you were a Republican. Like that's this as – that was part of the audition was saying that you believed in what Ted Cruz believes in. And apparently they did not do any other kind of background check. But her IMDb page just was like a joke about that. Like I think she was in like erotic confessions, sensual desires, you know, secret yearnings.

It was all two titles. And, you know, that basically was just a classy way of saying fucking. It was amazing. And also how recent they were. Like, they still make those. That's insane that they still make those types of movies. I mean, it was insane that it was always insane that they made those types of movies. Yeah, yeah. But it's even more insane that they, you can get, whatever you can get out of those, like, softcore porn movies, like, what you can see can see you can i would rather masturbate to instagram than like one of those movies well you're a modern guy nick yeah i'm like on the

zeitgeist i got my like finger in the pulse sure and on your dong here's a few of no fingers on my taint you have a whole device here's a few of wow a whole device huh here's a few of... Wow, hold the fights, huh? Here's a few of Tretch's recent credits. In the 2016 film Equal Standard, he played a character named Trigger. Trigger, right? Yeah. Okay. When All Else Fails, he played Black Diablo. Oh, shit.

All Else Fails, I'm going to say Black Rom-Com. In The Player, which is Wesley Snipes' short-lived network television program, he played a character named Reaper. He was on a show called Hustler Vegas. All of his characters sound like they could be deep-cut DC characters, that they aren't giving TV shows now to some reason. What the fuck, Netflix? Yeah, right, exactly. New Mutants has a TV show, Netflix? Now, he did-

Hawk Girl? All right. He did have a shot on Person of Interest, which is a real television program. He played Reginald Reverb Marshall. Oh. He played, oh, he was in 50 Cent's movie, Before I Self-Destruct. His character was named Cedric. I think the two characters that most appeal to me are his character, Agent Neil Shaw, from The Art of War III, Retribution, and, of course, his role as Lieutenant Jim Rushing in Atlantic Rim from 2013. So they did a Pacific Rim. Oh, that's like a mockbuster.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think the asylum version of Pacific Rim. Also, Pacific Rim was kind of a mockbuster. That is, I think, the asylum version of Pacific Rim. Also, Pacific Rim was kind of a mockbuster. I know, right? So it's a little redundant. I guess it's like, we have less money, but yeah. Or it's just like a Myrtle Beach analingus movie. Myrtle Beach analingus.

Because of the Atlantic. You see what I did? I do see what you did, and I love it. Oh, everyone in the Southeast region who listens to this show is in hysteria right now. I mean, I do know. Myrtle Beach loves it. I mean, I know what you mean, Nick. And I know that's such a popular genre.

The last time I was surfing on Pornhub, you know, I'm looking down the categories. Right. You see MILF. You see threesome. And then you see Myrtle Beach analingus. Very specific. It's got to be in HD. Yeah.

It's not as good. I know that this year, you know, I saw a little news item that Pornhub will release those statistics, like what people are searching for and it seems like uh i guess the kind of weird pervasive trend this year was uh or last year rather was uh like incest like a lot of a lot of like oh no mom you sucked my dick but maybe next year just a lot of like uh dark-skinned uh dark-skinned black guy, like a blonde, like, Mom, what are you doing in here? Guys, did we? Oh, just never mind. We got to get to Myrtle Beach. Nick, I think you just blew the plot of 2002's Tretch's Naturally Naughty Porn Movie.

Is that like women who don't have processed hair doing porn? I think it is. Just like India Arie in a porn? Yeah, exactly. It's women with natural hairstyles. Yeah, pretty sure. He has only done simulated sex. Okay.

I see. I would respect it more if he was just like, yeah, I'm just... It's my body. It's two consenting adults. It's acting. It's what I love. Yeah. I would respect it more if he was just like, yeah, I'm just... Sure. It's my body. It's two consenting adults. It's acting. It's what I love. Yeah. I was in character. It was a, you know. But he did do full frontal.

Okay. So you can see his dong. You can see his dong, yeah. Cool. In other Naughty by Nature news, you guys should know that Vin Rock has been a congressman for like seven years now. Oh, wow. Well, congratulations to Vin Rock. To the three people who listen to this show who are going to have any idea

about the other guy from Not You By Nature. Republican from New Jersey. Yeah. Yeah. Congratulations. Kind of a Republican libertarian, I think. Yeah, exactly. Where does he stand on Seaside Analingus?

Has he come out in favor or? Listen, it's none of the government's business. Okay. That's the libertarian position. No, I mean, yeah, sure. Hands off my anus. Would you say... Keep your laws off my anus.

Now that Dr. Rand Paul has dropped out of the presidential race, who would you say is the seaside analingus candidate? I mean, well, Marco Rubio's from Florida. That's a good point. He does own a cigarette boat. Ted Cruz has an ass-licking face. That guy's absolutely eaten ass before. There's no way Ted Cruz hasn't eaten ass.

Yeah. Do you guys know that ass-eating is having a moment? Yeah, I've heard that. Yeah. It's fun. They did it on girls. Sure. Although I contend that there's no way to know based on that camera

shot if that was ass eating or not i think that was overstated in the media as a member could have but the man could have just been eating her pussy from behind as a member of the media girls is the only television program i watch sure i was you watch louis sometimes though right i do check in on louis well i hear about louis okay yeah uh i was in a i was in a room once and there was a discussion about that and it was there was a segment of the room that just assumed that based on the it wasn't girls it was a different thing but based on the positioning well he was eating her ass and then there was like a segment in the room it was like not necessarily or are you guys just really bad at sex and haven't seen porn?

Yeah. I was like, you don't... Wait, this was not about girls. This was another instance of... Another possible ass-eating slash cunnilingus incident. But it was the same. It was from behind, and people were like, well, he was eating her ass, right? And everyone was like...

By the way, for folks at home listening, when Nick said he was eating her ass, he waved his finger in the air like some kind of 19th century politician. It was a little Bernie Sanders. My opponent is known for eating ass. At the record show, I have never eaten ass before. A little Quimby. Sure. I got my tongue right into that butthole. And I worked it around.

Sir, I knew Jack Kennedy. I've eaten Jack Kennedy's ass. You, sir, are no Jack Kennedy's ass. Answer the question. Were you or were you not in Myrtle Beach? You are under oath, sir. Are you now or have you ever in Myrtle Beach? You are under oath, sir. Are you now? Or have you ever been an ass eater?

You can't handle my ass. Oh, guys. We had a lot of fun. Here's my revelation. I don't really like Marvin Gaye. What? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. We're going to fight. It's Jordan, Jesse Go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Nick, repeat, Adams. Nick, what a joy to have you here. It's a joy to be here. You know what we did? I went on Twitter. It's a popular social media website.

Heard of it. This is a micro-blogging site, right? Yeah, exactly. And there's a 140-character limit. It's a great way to get your news from around the world. Use hashtags. Sure. It's a pound sign. I use it, but I only look at the moments.

Right. I can understand that. You know sign. I use it, but I only look at the moments. Right. I can understand that. You know what? I use it. Ellen did what? I use it, but I really only look at that one picture of the two Pakistani guys playing cricket and against the sunset. You thought that's what Twitter is? Yeah.

I did like it. I mean, I only visit it a couple times a week. Right. Whereas Facebook I use every day. So, I mean, I guess that's the difference. Sure. Anyway, I went on Twitter and said, we got the Max Fund Drive coming up. Who would you like to hear?

You know who people said? Nick Repeat Adams. Well, they said Chris Fairbanks. Oh, sure, yeah. But then, after I said Chris is on tour, they said bring us Nick Repeat Adams. That's what we've done. Sure. We will do anything during the MaxFunDrive. Anything.

Yeah. We'll even have one of my better friends on the show. That's how far. The Myrtle Beach Butt Bandit. Wait, Nick. Are you changing nicknames? Is that? It'll be like my second name.

Okay, hold on. It'll be my secondary Wu-Tang. You can't just have one handle. You can use it the way I use Voice of the Millennial Generation. Right, right. Just a backup. Slide it in sometimes. This is my A-sun.

Slide it into the DMs is what Twitter users say. Sure. They do say slide it into the DMs. And then they say, a bae made me feel like. And then they say, a bae made me feel like. Okay, so here's the story. Jordan, Jesse, Go, and all of the shows at Maximum Fun are supported not by advertising, not by selling our bodies, not by dance contests that we charge admission to, but rather by your donations, our audience. Yeah, if you would like to donate to Maximum Fun and

Jordan, Jesse, Go, what you're going to want to do is go to MaximumFun.org slash donate. Lots of levels you can donate at. And when you do, you are feeling great because you're supporting this show and all the MaxFun shows, but you're also getting shit.

Yeah. There's some shit, right? Oh, you get all kind of shit. Let's hear about this shit. You know what? Let's hear about that shit. I hear from a lot of people who say, I like Jesse and Jordan, that every week I can rely on 90 minutes of your bullshit. But I wish there was more bullshit, like a deep vein of bullshit into which I

could tap. Sure. That would spew forth from the earth. Sure. Geyser-like. Yeah. I would dance in the droplets. You know what I mean?

They usually say the part about dancing in the droplets. Bullshit web content. Yeah, exactly. Bullshit web content. People demand more Mobisodes. Well, great news. We've got Mobisodes on offer. Anyone who donates at any monthly level gets access to a gigantic, gigantic trove.

That sounds like a late Godzilla villain, like Godzilla versus Gigantic. Are you sure? Yeah, just put it. And then Mecha King Gigantic. Yeah, sure. Like three movies later. Yeah, just put it. And then Mecha King Gigantic.

Yeah, sure. Like three movies later. A gigantic treasure trove of bonus episodes. We have like, at this point, we probably have 20 hours of Jordan Jesse Goes. I'm making that up off the top of my head. Sure, but it's a lot. There's a lot of bonus stuff. If you have been a donor before, you may have heard some of these. If you are someone who's not donated before,

fucking buckle up because there is a lot of bonus stuff that only donors get to hear. Not just Jordan, Jesse Go, but all the shows. Exactly. We just recorded a brand new Jordan, Jesse Go bonus episode. In addition to bonus episodes like the one that we recorded on a boat a few months ago. But in this most recent one, not only did we answer all of your most intimate questions, we also got very real. Sure. We talked about what our relationship is really like. Yeah.

So if you want to know, if you want to peek behind the curtain, all you got to do is donate. Get that episode, a fucking buttload of other episodes. The expression is peek behind the candelabra. Oh, excuse me. Right, yeah. Jesse actually adopted me, but we're really gay lovers. And also, yeah.

It was all worth it for this cape. Yeah, so go to MaximumFun.org slash donate. Listen, this is how... I was talking about the Liberace movie.

Do you think people know that? I hope that people know. I hope they didn't think I was just making like a gross gay joke. No, no, we were talking about the was talking about the Liberace movie. Do you think people know that? I hope that people know. I hope they didn't think I was just making like a gross gay joke or something. No, no. We were talking about Liberace. We were talking about the real life person Liberace in the film about him behind the

candelabra. Okay. I think if you hear the word candelabra, your mind should just go straight to Liberace. I think it should, but you'd be surprised, kids these days. There's really no other context for candelabra in anybody's life other than Liberace. A lot of young people these days associate candelabras with Khloe Kardashian. Sure. Are you a candelabra aficionado?

No. Okay. If you've never heard of a word, you just assume that's something to do with the Kardashians. Yeah, exactly. Kardashian, Kardashian. Worst moment in the history of television. Worst moment in the history of television. Worst moment in the history of all recorded known television.

I feel like to compliment that scene, like David Schwimmer should have just said something like, all right, and none of you girls record a sex tape. I just. I can't have it. You don't also don't marry the most famous rapper. He'll say Bill Cosby is innocent on Twitter. That's also a premonition I'm having. Juice!

Maximumfund.org slash donate. Our goal is 5,000 new and upgrading donors across the Maximum Fund network. So if you're not already a donor, it is super easy to do. Just go to Maximumfund.org slash donate. You will tell us what shows you listen to. And the honest truth is that money passes directly to those shows. easy to do. Just go to MaximumFun.org slash donate. You will tell us what shows you listen to. And the honest truth is that money passes directly to those shows. So the shows that you listen to are the shows that get your money.

And that's how we all make our living. Not Nick. He's not being paid to be here. He's being paid in chocolate bach. Trust fund. Grandfather invented tube socks. There you go. Skating. You're just coasting on that tube sock money. Grandfather invented tube socks. There you go. Skating. You're just coasting on that tube sock money, huh?

Sweet tube revenue. You're free to pursue your analingus interests. Hey, all you sorority girls doing your sexy baseball player outfits, cha-ching. It's all coming to daddy. Num, num. You know how Nick celebrates his tube sock money when he's at home by himself? I don't think I need to explain the whole thing, so suffice it to say. He masturbates into a dress sock.

Yeah. His competitor's sock. Like a sheer, almost like you're wearing it to a garden party with a white buck. One of those. I was just going to say he slides around on the hardwood floor. That's cool. That'd be fun, too. Yeah, sure, sure. Do we even deserve donations? I was just going to say slides around on the hardwood floor. That's cool. You know, that'd be fun too.

Yeah, sure, sure. Do we even deserve donations? Here's what I want to know. Yeah. Is there a special radio training that you guys go through to learn how to lie and say you only do pledge drives twice a year? We only do it once a year. We do it once a year, Nick. Honestly, that's more targeted at the NPR,

because they just, it's every three weeks, at least. You listen to too much Pacifica, Nick. That's your problem. I love Amy Goodman so much, but if she asks me for another dime, I'm going to throw myself out of a window. Anytime you're listening to Pacifica Radio, and they're asking for money, and they're not offering you something that magically cures cancer. That's my favorite part of Pacifica. Count that as a win. You listen to Democracy Now, which is just, you know, really, you know, progressive left wing news show.

Very substantive. And then you go to the store and you come out and then someone's talking about how they cured cancer with like a Gold bond medicated powder or something. Come on, guys. Anyway, our whole operation really is supported by our audience. That is a really special thing about MaximumFun.org. That's what lets us do this show. And we're so grateful to the people who step up to the plate and support it.

I mean, this is kind of like the basic structure of it. We make the show. We plate and support it. I mean, this is kind of like the basic structure of it. Yeah. We make the show. We let you have it. You can listen to as much of it as you want. I mean, at this point, we've been doing this show almost 10 years. Our entire back catalog is free to you. So that's like hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of hours of Jordan, Jesse, go.

And once a year, we check in and we say, hey, is this something that you would pay for? Like is this worth something to you? And not like a huge amount. I mean we're talking about starting at five bucks a month. Basically it's, you know, is this worth the same to you as going to four movies a year? Yeah. I mean I think a good analogy, something that makes a lot of sense to me, like if you're not somebody who is like used to donating to PBS and NPR and things like that, is like you tip a bartender a buck a drink. Right.

I think only the most monstrous among us don't do that. Right. Reddit is blown. There's a thread on Reddit right now about why it just doesn't make sense to do it. Sure. If you are one of those people, you probably wouldn't donate anyway. Yeah, we wish you

nothing but the best. Yeah, sure. And by the best, I mean the worst. Yeah. Continue to have an awful life. Yeah.

But if you are a good and decent person, maybe you obviously tip that bartender a buck a drink. Right. Maybe you tip that barista a buck a drink.

Right. And that's in addition to paying for the drink. Sure, of course. You're not, yeah, you're not stealing the drink. What if there you tip that barista a buck a drink. Right. And that's in addition to paying for the drink. Sure. Of course. You're not stealing the drink. What if there's muddling involved? Hey, there might be muddling. If there's muddling, I throw the guy-

If there's sleeve garters, you got to tip two bucks. Yeah, sure. One per brace. Why not tip your podcast hosts a buck a show? Yeah. I think that's really fair. Yeah. I think it's hopefully you get a dollar's worth of entertainment from these.

That's the pitch. Yeah. That's really the pitch. Listen, listen. Even if this show is awful, it's worth a fucking dollar. Yeah. Like, come on. You know what?

I'm going to go out on a limb and say this is a $1 worth of entertainment. At least a dollar. So we do four shows a week, or four shows a month. So five bucks a month. That's a buck and a quarter per show. I think that is all that this is worth. That's it. But let's be honest.

You probably listen to Can I Pet Your Dog, too. Sure. Yeah. You know, throw in a couple extra cents for C-I-P-Y-D. And yeah, and we really appreciate it because, I mean, you know, this is not something that Jesse and I are getting famous off of. No, sir. If anything, it's hurting our careers. This is time you could be spending doing real productive things.

Yeah. Here's a notion I've been having like seriously we would it would be more productive of us to draw pictures of ourselves write our names underneath and then mail them with no return address to talent agents just what we're doing right now do you guys uh you guys are familiar with the uh modern dating principle ghosting. Ghosting is... That is when you, in order to break up with someone, get them to start dating Ghostface. And then you, Ninja...

From then on, they only date guys with giant golden eagle arm braces. It's actually breaking up with someone because of their opinion about the female Ghostbusters. Ghosting. Don't like Kristen Wiig, huh? All right. Oh, raping your childhood, huh? All right. Well, see ya.

Oh, you're just reviewing the trailer, huh? It doesn't seem funny to you. Yeah, you're furious at two minutes of... Oh, Jesus. Anyway. Yeah. Ghosting is – ghosting as I understand it. If it's similar in a dating context to in a general slang, it's disappearing without saying goodbye essentially.

Yeah, yeah. And I guess this is something that I have experienced in the world of like app-based online dating is you're chatting with someone. Maybe you've like had a nice drink. Like maybe you've had a nice drink. Maybe you've... Things are going well and then nothing. And then not returning the text. No more messages. That's good that it means that because the other definition of ghosting is to murder.

Sure, yes. Like in a late 90s rap song. Late 90s, early 2000s. He's making someone a ghost through killing exactly every time this has happened to me this ghosting every time this has happened to me in my recent life my first thought is ah fuck she listened to the podcast she listened to my fucking dumb podcast uh and so listen i don't cost i don't right so i don't know that for sure so it's either donate or it may have been either donate or fuck joy yeah this is what it basically so

basically doing this show has shattered many potential relationships right lots of opportunities and happiness squashed yeah because of this goddamn disaster at least so at least on fuel tv you got to take a picture with Denzel Washington. Sure, absolutely. Did you wear a funny outfit? Yes, but you got to take a picture with Denzel. So what I'm saying is that this show is not propelling us to any heights. We do it because there are people who love it.

And that's basically the only reason is because there's a really small but very cool group of people who like the show and would be very mad if the show went away. And basically the only way you can tell us that, besides correcting us on Twitter, is to, yeah, just throw us a couple of bucks a month, let us know you like the show, and then we will keep doing it until we can do it no more. The thing to do is to do it. Maximumfund.org slash donate. Get them, get them, get them. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go.

It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Nick, repeat, Adams. So Jordan, we promised the biggest Jordan, Jesse Goh in history. So far, we did come up with that Myrtle Beach stuff. Sure. That was pretty good. That'll go down in the annals of history as one of our best segments.

To be fair, Nick came up with it because he's funnier. But I think we sort of have an ace in the hole here. I don't know if you want to talk about it a little bit. Yeah, sure. Well, I mean, something that I think listeners have been curious about since it happened is, so, Jesse, you were nice enough for Christmas to get a- Nice might not be the right word. So you did something around Christmas, which was you went on Etsy and bought a tiny knit Viking cap for my cat. Yeah.

Well, I mean, this knit Viking cap that I bought is for any cat. It was a one size. It was not a cuss. You didn't measure my cat's head while I was sleeping. They were available in sizes, but there was also a one size fits all option. So I chose that one size fits all option. And notably about this, I bought this in early December. Like I'm going to say like very beginning of December, maybe even the end of November.

I did not notice until after I had purchased it that the delivery timeline was eight to ten weeks. And so – and I don't think I even got it then. We only got this thing like four weeks ago. That's Etsy, man. They're going at their own pace. Yeah, you know, they're- You can't rush artisan bullshit. Novelty bullshit.

So- This is basically the crocheted equivalent of fake vomit. And the person knitting the cat hats just has to skip a LARP or two to get that out. Well, that's asking a lot, Nick. You can't skip eight LARP. December is a big month for LARPs. It's when the year's most exciting LARP is. And it's cold out because you have those heavy outfits on, so you don't want to get too high.

You can't LARP in the summertime. There's two things that I never skip, okay? One is LARPs, live-action role-playing okay? One is LARPs, live action role playing games. One is LARPs. That's a Vietnamese and Laotian chopped salad. Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Hold on. Hold on. Vietnamese LARPing. Uh-huh. You dress up as a salad? No, no, no. You LARP and then you LARP. Wow.

I would like to see people live action role playing. For LARP. You dress up as a salad? No, no, no. You larp and then you larp. Wow. Larp, larp. I would like to see people live action role playing. For larp. My dad's friend Boonton who would come over to our house with two giant cleavers and a chicken and just go to town. Okay, sorry. So I was not able. So this hat fits over the head and then it ties at the bottom.

Right. Via two the bottom. Right. Via two dangles. Yeah. Two dangly dangles. Artisanal dangles. Two things that cats love, hats and having something wrapped around a neck. Yeah. So I could not get the cat to wear the hat. Right.

Which is essential. The cat would- That is the key to success. Ask Dr. Seuss. Because I really, really wanted to put the cat in the hat, take a picture of it, and put it on Facebook. To me, that sounded very fun. Well, that's the whole point of this hat. Sure.

This isn't a hat to protect this cat from slips and falls. Okay? This isn't a hat to keep this cat safe on construction sites. It's not like a Tuskegee Airmen sort of like leather football helmet type of cap. Nope. This is a hat specifically for, I mean, if you had an Instagram account, you could have put it on Instagram. I could have.

So I could not get the cat to wear the hat. She would play with the dangles, which she thought was very fun, but she would not wear the hat. Okay. Feeling kind of bummed about this. I can understand that. My sister Stephanie is nice enough

to watch the cat while I'm away. Your sister Stephanie Esquire. Sure. Working below her station. Yes. Right. She's taking time out

of being a professional lawyer to watch my cat. Yeah. I was very shocked the last time I was out of town to look on Facebook and see that not only had my sister gotten the cat to wear the hat, but also took a picture and put it on Facebook.

I still don't really know how she did it. How did she get your Facebook login information? Oh, she put it on her own Facebook and tagged me. I know. Bum, bum, bum, bum. login information. Oh, she put it on her own Facebook and tagged me. I know. So, my sister Stephanie is on the phone here to tell us how she got the crocheted Viking hat on the

cat. Hi, Stephanie. How are you? Hey, guys. I'm doing good. How are you? Good. How is being an adult treating you? I say that only because I saw Stephanie briefly when you were on At Midnight the other day, but before that had not seen her for something like seven years. I'm doing pretty good.

Good. Good. Great. Well, we cleared that up. On to the next. So tell me about, because I didn't, when you agreed to watch the cat, I didn't say, while you're there, try and make her wear this hat. You found the hat independently and took it upon yourself to put it on her. Is that right? Yes. So we walked in the house and I saw the cat sitting on top of the coffee table.

And on the shelf, bottom of the coffee table, was this darling Viking hat, which I knew had to be for her. Yeah, that makes a ton of sense. If I was going to guess where Jordan kept it, it would have been the dildo drawer. Sure. But it does make sense that he would keep it on a shelf. Yeah. It was out in the open, and so I decided that the cat needed to wear the hat.

And so first I tried the descending on top of the head over the ears. She wasn't having it. Like approaching from behind the way that you would if you were trying to grab a rattler? Similar to that, yes. Got it. So she wasn't having it. As soon as it would touch her head, she would shake it off. So then

she's already wearing a collar. So I had her on my lap and I pet her a few times and then I took the dangles, tied them around her neck where the collar is, and then pulled it back so that the hat is behind the head. And then I pulled it from the back over towards the front, flipped it over her ears, and she was wearing it. Wow. It's sneaky. Yes, we didn't know. Okay, so two questions.

One, when it was on her, did she immediately try and get it off, or was she fine with it being on there? She didn't immediately try to get it off. Okay. She sort of looked around a few times because she could tell something was different. There was a hat where previously there was no hat. Exactly. What part of law school best prepared you for this process?

Would you say that it was property, contracts? Torts. Torts. Probably torts. Probably torts. Yeah.orts. Probably torts. Probably torts. Yeah. Yeah. Probably torts. So she, but she...

Jordan, I'm sorry, you didn't, my wife went to law school. You never went to law school. A tort is a type of pastry that you learn to make in law school. Oh, cool. It's made out of cats. Yeah. So, okay, so it's on her head. She notices that something is wrong, but she left it on there for a while? Yeah, just long enough to take a picture.

And then she took both of her paws at the same time, extended them forward, leaned off of my lap, and then reached them behind her to yank it off, almost like a human. Wow. Like a football quarterback who was frustrated that he'd thrown a game-ending interception. Exactly. So who took the picture? The picture, you are also in the picture. This is not a, you know, selfie.

No, Tyler was there. My husband Tyler was there. Oh. Married, are you? So he, was he like, did you prep him for this because i i it is really a good picture uh and i'm i'm impressed that you were able to take i cannot get the cat to take a picture when she's just laying around with no hat we know a little bit about how people like you do your preparations like the kind of behind the scenes jockeying that goes on. We have seen that OJ show.

So we understand how lawyers do this. You've got to get Shapiro off the case. Well, every time we visit Bugg, we like to document the nice hug that she gives, where she puts one of her paws on either side of your shoulder and she snuggles in. So pretty much every time we babysit bugs, we have a picture. Okay, so it's pressing. Yeah, we've practiced a little bit. Well, yeah, this is all really, really informative.

And again, it's a great picture, and I thank you for putting the hat on her. Do you have just any general advice to people trying to put hats on cats or other pets? Yes, absolutely. Always around the neck so it's secured in place first before you really get – don't come in from in front of them. It scares them. Don't come straight down. It's not going to happen.

You've got to secure it around the neck first. It's sort of a secure and flip situation. Exactly. Yep. Well, yeah of a secure and flip situation. Exactly. Yep. Well, yeah, this has been really interesting. Thanks. Thanks. Thank you for everything, you know, for watching the cat, for taking the picture, for helping out the audience, Stephanie.

I think everyone really appreciates it. And you know what, Stephanie? Thank you for loving and caring for my friend Jordan these past 34 years. Sure. Since before you were born. Happy to do it. Because you're Jordan's younger sister. Happy to do it.

The former Stephanie Morris Esquire. Do you have anything you want to plug? Nothing. Okay. If you need to get divorced in Orange County, give me a call. You know what? Who doesn't? Let's be honest.

Eventually, we're all coming for you. That's all I got. All right. Thanks, Steph. Thank you, Stephanie. No problem. Talk to you later. Bye.

That's the kind of insights you really only get on Jordan Jessy. Yeah. I mean, on the most exciting Jordan Jessy go of the year. She is a premium legal mind. I believe the best divorce attorney in Orange County is what I've read. I've heard that, too. Yeah. I mean, I don't read the rankings regularly, but I have heard that she is the best.

I will say I do read the rankings regularly. I buy that U.S. News and World Report special issue on divorce lawyers in Orange County. 30 under 30. I should point out, it also includes everything all the way down to Carlsbad. So there's a little bit of, what's that, San Diego County? Sure, yeah. Yeah, there's a little bit of stuff down there. Let's say you want to get a divorce at Tip Top Meats down there in Carlsbad.

Sure. Stephanie's your go-to. Yeah, for sure. She has relationships in San Diego County. Absolutely. She could recommend somebody. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You know what I'm realizing? What's that? Is that we let the last segment pass without a startling revelation. Wow. Yeah. So we need to do two this segment. We need to do one for last segment and one for this segment.

Although, I mean, I don't know if the correct method to put a hat on a cat or other animal is startling enough. I already did my big revelation, which is that I don't like Marvin Gaye that much. Okay. Nick is reconsidering our friendship of now 15 years. Okay, so let me think. The only person who can say that and not make me shake my head is like Robin Thicke.

Like you? All right. I was like he stole millions of my dollars. I don't understand why you're mad at Marvin Gaye. I guess by stole I mean rightfully accepted. Stole back. Yeah, stole back. He re-stole guess by stole I mean rightfully accepted. Yes. Stole back. Yeah, stole back. He re-stole the money that I had stolen from him. Oh,

a startling revelation. Yeah. The Target makes a pretty good sparkling water. It's called Simply Balanced. It's a Target brand. It comes in a slim can and there's a lot of fun flavors like Tropical Cherry.

Holy shit! Tropical Cherry? Simply Balanced! That's not even a real type of cherries! We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go! It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, the voice of the millennial generation. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Nick, repeat Adams. Nick, I don't know if you're already a Max Fund donor. I'm Jesse Thorne, the voice of the millennial generation. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Nick, repeat, Adams. Nick, I don't know if you're already a Max Fund donor.

I'm going to presume you are. I'm sure that one of the reasons that you did it was so that you could feel great every time you listened to your favorite Max Fund shows because you would know that you were the thing that made that show possible. But, Jordan, let's say that's not enough for Nick. Yeah. Let's say Nick wants more, more, more. Well, not only do you get a great feeling from donating to Maximum Fun, but you also get a bunch of cool stuff. I think we mentioned the bonus content.

Yeah, of which there are literally hundreds of hours. You get tons of bonus shows if you donate. Five bucks a month and up. Everybody gets that five bucks a month and up. You know, boom, that's a given. But if you donate a little bit more, you get a little more. For 10 bucks a month, you get a lovely Maximum Fun bandana. You can select one of 22 designs.

Yeah, that's one for every MaxFun show, including Jordan. Have you heard of a show called Jordan Jesse Go? I think I have. Well, you're one of the few. No, Jordan Jesse Go has its own bandana. Do you remember last year when we had artist Megan Lincott make a calendar with each of the MaxFun hosts as a cat. Oh, yeah. Megan is also a graphic designer,

and she has actually custom designed these bandanas. Yeah, there's one. It looks like there's one for every single MaxFun show. It's kind of amazing. The work that she's done here is absolutely amazing. So if you imagine like a classic, and you can look at these at MaximumFun.org slash bandanas, but if you imagine like a classic, you know, a classic bandana for a gay guy from the 70s who wants to send a coded message.

A hippie gangbanger from the 80s who wants to show what he's repping. Just a tobacco spittle soaked back pocket residing bandana. A hippie's golden retriever. Yeah, exactly. Any of these things. Just a classic all-American bandana. Just in a pinch, you could smother a hobo. Replace the symbology with little Easter eggs from your favorite Max Fun shows.

So like the Jordan-Jesse-Go one has our race car. Yeah. It has little sayings from Jordan-Jesse-Go. It says, get him, get him, get him. Yeah, it's not something you would, these look like, you wouldn't notice that these were necessarily Max Fun bandanas if you were looking at someone from afar. Yeah. But if you get up close, you'll notice lots of fun little references to your favorite

shows. Jordan, if you're thinking to yourself, I'm not Andre Agassi. No. What am I going to do with this bandana? There's got to be options, right? You can choke a hobo, for one thing. You can testify in court about a sex tape that your friend, morning radio DJ Bubba the Love Sponge wore.

Sure. Made. You want to talk about your experiences when you were in MS-13, but you don't want people to see your face? Yeah. Sure. Exactly. When you talk to the National Geographic Channel.

You can't have your face. Very useful. This is perfect for any National Geographic Channel documentary that you're making, even if it's direct to Netflix. But serious, in all sincerity, if you don't want to use it to mop up your sweater, tie around your neck or something like that when you go for a hike, you can also use it to put on your dog. You can use it to – one thing that Lindsay, our donor relations coordinator,

came up with that she's going to do with hers is tie it – she has really plain luggage. So she's going to tie it to her luggage handle so that she can quickly identify her luggage when it comes out of the airport chute. Clear up. $20 a month. Yeah. Now, everything is $20 a month. Yeah. Now, this is an adventure year. This is MaxFun's big adventure, if I might coin a phrase.

Sure. For $20 a month, get the bonus content, get that bandana, and you also get an adventure necessity collection. This has a MaxFun-branded multi-tool, hot chocolate packet, parkour bracelet, and camping toilet paper. Paracord. It's called paracord. I think it's called parkour. Is that cord used for parkour?

Yeah. So you need to tether yourself to the roof that you're jumping off of. It's like rock climbing. You don't just jump willy-nilly from building to building. So if you are camping or on some other kind of outdoor trek, this stuff will come in handy. Or everyday adventures, Jordan. Sure. A paracord bracelet has a million uses.

The one thing that we ask you not to do, if you don't know what a paracord bracelet is, it's this special super strong cord that's used for parachutes, which is why it's called paracord, I think. Don't correct me on that. And it's woven so that it just looks like a nice kind of neat bracelet. But it's actually quite a good length of cord, enough to, for example, lift your food out of the way of bears or use for your parkour. The one thing that we ask you not to do is use it to murder people

if you are a high-priced hitman. Sure. Can you choke a hobo? Is that the big theme running across is that you could use all these to kill hobos? Yeah, I mean, my recommendation to you, the requirement is that you not do it if you're getting paid to do the murdering.

If it is freelance just for fun or just a disagreement. Straight hobo disagreement. Like if a hobo steals your jug of strawberry wine, then I would say yeah, it's okay to use it to kill a hobo. So $35 a month. You get all of that

stuff plus a vacuum thermos. It is a really nice thermos by the way. And the multi-tool is a really nice Swiss Army-style knife with the Max Fun logo on it, which is a super cool logo. And the thermos is a, you know, it'll keep hot juices hot. Cold juices cold. I know you've got a lot of both kind of juices. I love my hot juices. I love those hot juices.

Soup is what those are. No, no, hot juices like mull Hot juice is like mulled cider. Specifically mulled cider. This actually does not work with soup. This is mulled cider only. Oh, wow. Cider only. You can also use it for cold mulled cider.

What about a pear cider? Pear ciders? I think you wouldn't drink that hot. You can do it, but it voids the warranty. It says it right here. So $100 a month, all that stuff, and you get membership in the Inner Circle, our monthly culture club. You've picked things for the Inner Circle. Oh, lots of fun.

This is something where every month you get mailed a cool thing handpicked by a MaxFun host. So this could be a book. This could be a DVD. This could be any number of cool pop culture things. And yeah, I think it's always really really fun to pick and I think it's been pretty much great stuff across the board. Yeah, it's really

cool. Like if somebody picks out a thing specifically for the members of the inner circle, writes a little note about what's special about it to them and I really love that. And of course $200 a month, you get the classic Jordan's Platinum Angels gift, which is a ticket to MaxFunCon.

Yeah, so lots of levels to donate at. And, again, if you donate at a higher level, you get all the stuff from the levels below it, anywhere from $5 a month to $200 a month. So much cool stuff. And, again, it is basically why we do this show. So thank you for donating and hopefully it's worth your while. Can I explain real quick our exemption rule?

Please. We have a simple exemption rule. If you are unemployed or under 18, you are not obliged to support MaximumFun.org. That is a blanket rule. Look, we can't promise you that we're going to make college free. We can't promise you single-payer health care. We can't promise you to get rid of those goddamn immigrants. Sure, we can't promise you a beautiful wall between America and Mexico. You've been hearing a lot of promises the last six months or so. We can't promise you any of those things, but we can promise you that if you don't have a job or you're a child, you do not have to pay to support our show.

However, with every curse, there is a gift. And here is our gift to you. If you have a job, you can afford one of these levels. Yeah, totally. Yeah, again, if you're tipping your bartenders, if you're tipping your baristas, why not treat your favorite podcast hosts the same way? Throw us a buck or two an episode. It really, really means a lot. And again, it's the reason we are doing this.

So, yeah. Again, thanks to everybody who donated. And, yeah, you can go online to see all this stuff, Jesse. If you want to take a gander at this thermos, at these bandanas. Yeah. They're all really cool and they're all online at MaximumFun.org slash donate, which, coincidentally, you see it, you like it. Just click on there, and there was the old credit card-a-roonie. Type in the old credit card.

Can I give you the Jordan Jesse Go promise? Mm-hmm. at MaximumFun.org slash donate to support MaximumFun.org. Our promise to you is we will not use your credit card number to engage in online fraud. It's really nice of you. Thank you very much. It's really nice of you. You'll just use it to support the shows. Yeah, exactly.

And that's it. To support quality podcasting. That's it. We won't buy pornography. I should hope not. We won't buy weapons. No. We won't buy anything on the dark web.

Sure. Your credit card number stays in the light web. Oh. Specifically supporting the great podcast that you love. Can we get synthetic cocaine? We can get synthetic cocaine, yes. Okay. But we're going to use our own Bitcoin that we've been hoarding.

We're not going to use people's credit card numbers. Those credit card numbers, we're just going to charge what they've agreed to and that money is going to go to support their favorite audience supported artist owned podcast. And Teresa gets Vanity Fair.

And Teresa gets Vanity Fair but that is from a local teen who goes door to door selling them for basketball reasons. We don't buy Vanity Fair, but that is from a local teen who goes door to door. Selling them for basketball reasons. We don't buy Vanity Fair from him with other people's credit card numbers. We use synthetic cocaine. It's a straight swap. It's a straight swap.

Some synthetic cocaine and then, okay. But in all sincerity, MaximumFun.org slash donate. You can check out all of those cool prizes from $200 a month to $5 a month. The difference for us is not between what level you donate at. It's not about that. It's about you saying, these shows are something that I actually care about

and think is worth money. Like I think these people should be paid for their work. And that's what matters to us. So pick a level that makes sense to you. But do do it at Maximum Fund. Don't, as Hodgman says, don't don't do it. Do do do it. Cool.

At MaximumFund.org slash donate. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Okay, sure. The procedure of karate, the procedure of kicking someone in the face. Yeah. All the work that goes into that. I did not know. And I really like Wesley Snipes. I think he's cool, and I think, you know, great that he's out of prison. Hopefully he's, you know, paying his taxes on time.

But I did not watch the show, and I think it's canceled. I'll say this for Wesley Snipes. He's the only celebrity I've ever met on the set of Murder at 1600. There you go. Yeah. So, I mean, beat that, Tom Hanks. Everybody says Tom Hanks is America's favorite celebrity, but did I meet him on the set of Murder at 1600 when I was 12?

Did you meet Diane Lane, I want to say, was in that? Is that right? I couldn't tell you. I have never seen Murder at 1600. You just met Wesley Snipes on the set of- I just met Wesley Snipes on the National Mall. It was on the National Mall. So you were just in D.C. randomly with your family, doing the tourist thing, and happened to meet-

This is a classic Jordan Jesse go-tale. is her brother was Wesley Snipes' personal hairdresser who traveled from town to town with Wesley Snipes tightening up his fade. Okay, sure. Wesley Snipes was at his peak a big star. Yeah, you can have a dude traveling. But he had just like a pretty normal black dude haircut. Other than the blade. Yeah, I guess for blade you need that. Other than the blade. Other than the blade.

Yeah, I guess for blade. Lowercase T that he had. Yeah, the only example of an interesting haircut that he had at this point was Demolition Man. Right. But like, yes, he had the most boring haircut ever. But I think as an African-American gentleman, I've heard this. I don't know if this is the case. But when one is traveling, one doesn't want to trust that wherever you happen to be, there will be someone who knows how to cut black people's hair.

Sure. I'm definitely not in Washington, D.C. Yeah. There's no Negroes. Listen, I'm going to Atlanta. I don't know what the situation is down there. I got to get back to Duluth. Sure.

There's a whole quadrant of D.C. that is dedicated just to black people, Wesley. They can cut your hair there. There's a whole quadrant of D.C. that is dedicated just to black people, Wesley. They can cut your hair there. Listen, I think we either talked about this on a past episode or on an episode that hasn't aired yet. Yeah. But I think we all can all agree that Stan Lee listens to this show. Yeah, there's no doubt about that.

That is on an upcoming episode of Jordan, Jessica, but that is a known fact. So this is a tease to a go nowhere topic for an upcoming show. A tease, by the way, one of the many things that my aunt's brother did not do to Wesley Snipes' hair. And no need. Stanley, we know you listen. Yeah. If you want to blow some minds in the next Avengers movie. Yeah.

Because, you know, I think it's in danger of becoming a little stale at this point. 16 movies in. Sure. You need to refresh it or whatever they've made. I'm going to be honest. It was a little stale about 60 minutes into the first Avengers movie. I think at the end of the next one. Yeah. Fucking Blade strolls out.

Yeah. Hey, you guys got a vampire problem? Smash the credits. Yeah. Everybody's minds blown. Yeah. No one stops losing their shit for an hour. Anyway.

Listen, I hear he's a nightmare to work with. Maybe not that great an actor. Could be insane. Perhaps people don't care about Blade anymore. Went to prison for a while. But I think everybody in this room would really enjoy it. You know what no one's ever cared about? Fucking Hawkeye.

Sure. I can fly and I have a crazy robot suit. And what do you got? I got a bow and arrow. Groot. Get the fuck out of here. Groot. Come on.

Just stick Blade in there. They're scraping the bottom of the Marvel Universe barrel. I probably got 500 comic books sitting in a closet at my mom's house right now. There have been seven films starring guys characters that i've never heard of in my life like at this point they could just be they could just be like uh using that wu-tang name generator and then putting marvels at the beginning and i would not know the difference sure who's who's starring in this one one of the chris's i have this one of the chris's who's who's the star of this one white guy white guy Chris's. I have this. One of the Chris's. Who's the star of this one?

White guy. White guy. It's a Hemsworth. What's Nexus Sphere? I don't know. Ryan, like, here's the state of comic book movies. Hollywood was like, yo, we love Ryan Reynolds. America was like, well, we like that guy.

Pretty good. Sure. Hollywood was like, no, but we love him. So we're going to make him a fucking star. And you're going to take it. And America was like, I don't know. Okay, maybe. How about a comic book movie where he's in the Blade movie?

No, no. How about Green Lantern? We don't care for that. They just kept making Ryan Reynolds comic book movies until one clicked. Okay, yeah, we'll take that one. Sure. That's how addicted we are to fucking comic book movies. You know, speaking of that, and look, we're going to get to momentous occasions in just a second.

But did you know that there's a campaign? Did you know about this campaign that our friend Todd Levin is spearheading right now? I don't think so. Past Jordan Jesse Goh guest. Todd is a writer on Conan, long-time writer on Conan. And I think he was really moved by the film Deadpool. I don't know if you guys have heard the film Deadpool I don't know if you guys have heard about this uh I don't know if you guys have heard about this yeah it's like a raw cashier

in a small town the dog is killed and then she starts dating a married guy is that the one I don't think I don't think that's Toronto Film Festival like two years ago no I don't think that's what it is if Gary Oldman directed it? Oh, sorry. This is a gun ninja that talks to the camera. Okay. Yeah. I got him confused.

He's a gun ninja. Mine was like Gary Oldman's directorial debut. It was a different thing than I was thinking of. Todd has started a petition on Change.org, which is a popular website. It's a petition targeted at Les Moonves, who runs show business, to have Deadpool host the 39th annual Kennedy Center Honors. Boy, that would be a pretty irreverent Kennedy Center Honors. More irreverent than when Dennis Miller hosted.

Yeah, I think irreverence is really at the center of this. That's what they're going for. Yeah. So she says, this is what Todd says. Yes, of course Deadpool is an effective superhero, but is he witty? Is he funny or entertaining? Yes, yes, and yes.

He's not called the Merc, Merce, with the mouth for no reason. And if he's capable of rattling off one-liner after hilariously edgy one liner, all while in the middle of an acrobatic firefight, imagine what he's capable of in a more controlled setting such as the Kennedy Center honors with additional time to quote unquote punch up his jokes if he needs that. Sure. I think this is a really exciting thing. I mean, a lot of people are talking about Bernie Sanders. a lot of people are talking about bernie sanders a lot of people are talking about donald trump's trump shaking up the system but imagine the shake up that deadpool could deliver to the kennedy center honors our nation's highest arts achievement

honor you're 45 minutes in yeah and the the excitement that comes at the beginning of the kennedy center honors has sort of waned. Yeah. You get that first commercial. Sure. You get that mid-honors lull. Yeah. Everyone's in the bathroom. Yeah. And you're like, yeah, okay, Bonnie Raitt is great.

I love Bonnie Raitt. Sure, whatever. And then you're like, that's when the Deadpool comes. Sure. He punches things back up a notch. Exactly. I think a lot of people, now here's the thing. I'm not saying that Todd is wrong about this.

I'm saying that there are probably a lot of people in Hollywood, especially Les Moonves, who are worried about having an R-rated Kennedy Center honors. Sure. I would say this. Let's face it. The Kennedy Center honors, it's kids' stuff. Exactly. It's for kids and families. It's about quadrants.

Okay? So you have older men, younger men, older women, younger women. Okay. Older women and younger women, well, they both want to fuck Deadpool. Sure. Okay. Older men, of course they love Deadpool because he brings back that kind of wild, violent irreverence that they remember from the 1960s. Okay.

But then you have younger men and you're saying to yourself, but Jesse, younger men can't get into Deadpool because they're under 18. It's rated R. Younger people can't watch the Kennedy Center Honors to see the birds receive an award because they're too young. But here's the thing. It's aspirational. They will go in with older people or trick their way in just so they can get to that sweet, sweet Deadpool duet with Joan Baez. Then you get the synergy because then when the sequel comes out, guess who's old enough? Guess who can go see Deadpool now because they know about him.

They already have – there's a built-in nostalgia there. Yeah, yeah. Anyway. And I think next week he'll be teaming up with Cable, who's hosting the Brene Brinth Awards. Oh, wow. That's really nice. He's a gunman from the future. Can I ask you a question?

What is the Savage Dragon doing this year? Oh, he died of a heroin overdose. Oh, okay. And different universes. That's when you know you're out of ideas. When you're like, well, what does this superhero do? He shoots people. He's a gunman. He just shoots people in the face and has a joke. Man, gun man.

This guy has fire and this guy can control your mind. This guy shoots people. He's good at it though. He's good at guns. Really shoots. Guns shoot man. So like every time he shoots him when he hits him exactly the way he wants to, like every action movie star of all time. Yeah, man, man shoot gun good. To be fair, he's got two powers. He's super good at guns and his billboards are good at making me physically uncomfortable. Well, listen, if something momentous

happens to you, like you host the Kennedy Center Honors. Listen, I know Deadpool has a healing factor, okay? Don't fucking, we know. Deadpool has a healing factor?

He has a healing factor. I thought that was Wolverine's superpower. Deadpool also has that. All right. Because of laziness? When something will make...

How did Deadpool get his powers? Is he a super soldier? Evil scientist. Yeah, evil scientist. I think I would... I think there are some... I think there is

maybe the original Deadpool origin he's a mutant but things can't be mutants anymore because they're owned by some weird company. So I think, yeah, Super Soldier. Is that why they stopped?

Oh, because the X-Men movies are different. Although I guess Deadpool is technically an X-Men movie, but anyway. It's like Sony versus, I don't know. Is Deadpool an X-Men? Yes. He's an X-Men character. He's a villain first, but then he's one know, he's one of those switch-siders. Sometimes bad guy, sometimes good guy.

Can I ask you a question? Yeah. I think we could get Firestorm to host the Cable Ace Awards. I mean, would he be broken up into his two- Oh, no, never mind. I'm thinking of- anyway. Nightcrawler is going to host the NAACP Image Awards. He's dark.

Yes. It's just Kelsey Graber in Nightcrawler. He was beast. He was beast. He was beast. Okay, sorry. Okay, when something momentous happens to you, we have you call us at 206-984-4FUN. Here's our first call.

Hey, Jordan, Jesse guest. This is Anna from Denver. Last night, my cousin gave birth in a Gunther Tootie's parking lot, but everything turned out okay. One of the three potential dads was there to help her. Thanks. See ya. In a what parking lot? I think she said in Tootie's parking lot.

I had Gunther Tootie. I think she said in Tootie's parking lot. I had Gunther Tootie. I also heard Gunther Tootie. It seems like that would be like, oh, that's what Carl's Jr. is called in other states. Like, oh, I never knew that. Yeah, it's called. Oh, thank you, person from the movie Fargo, for calling into the show. What's your favorite brand of mayonnaise? Oh, gotta be Gunther Tootie.

You got any Tooties back there? Same menu as Carl's Jr. It, gotta be Gunther Tootie. You got any Tooties back there? Same menu as Carl's Jr. It's just called Gunther Tootie. With mayonnaise on everything. Yeah, everything has, yeah, their signature mayonnaise. Can I get a Sprite? Guess what? It's mayonnaise.

Too many. You got a cup of cold mayonnaise over ice. You know what I hope for her sister's sake? I hope for her sister's sake that the potential dad who was there for the birth turns out to be the actual dad. That would be nice. And if it isn't, I say fake the test results. I mean, is it – do you think it was the dad – the potential dad was there, you know, because he was concerned or did he just work at that Gunther Tooties? He just happened to be on his shift, happened to be starting.

I'm pretty sure that the potential dad is Gunther Tootie. I mean, when you consider how much puss Gunther Tootie gets all around Denver. I guess I assume. I mean, Boulder, too. Because Carl Sr. is just drowning in tail. Yeah. Junior hasn't come of age yet. Yeah.

So all that overflow pee is going to Gunther Tootie. What are we talking about? I've... Jim Hardys. It's all that overflow. I've constructed a world where her sister, her cousin, is a lesbian in a relationship, and they wanted to conceive. Right. And they didn't want to know exactly, so they just had three guys contribute.

They mixed it up and they put it in. Yeah, best man win. Yeah. I like that. Fight for it. and they put it in. Yeah, best man win. Yeah. I like that. Fight for it. I wonder why they chose the parking lot. And why did they think that anyone other than Gunther Tootie was going to win that contest? They were going to do a home birth.

You know Gunther got those super sperms. Should we look this up? What a Gunther Tootie. It's probably not even what she said. I wonder what. They were going to do a home birth. Brian, can we hear it again? We ran out to Gunther Tootie it's probably not even what she said i wonder what they were gonna do a home birth brian ran out to gunther tooties for some waffle fries it sounds like it's a diner brian so she really said gunther too is that a real how is it spelled oh okay so gunther is the traditional spelling We've got confirmation on this from Brian.

Yeah, with Tootie, I would usually go T-O-O-T-I-E. That's what I was thinking, too. I'll accept this version. T-O-O-D-Y-S. I'll accept that. Is the spelling on that Gunther Tooties. You know... I just imagine also this happening and no one in Gunther Tootie is raising a fucking eyebrow.

It seems like the kind of place that you just regularly see births. There's been- Stabbings. I think that this could be a new celebrity trend. You know how there's people that are really into having birth in a bathtub? Sure, yeah. Home birth. I think the next time Gwyneth Paltrow has a baby, she's going to pop it out.

I don't know if she has any babies. I don't think she does. She's got one. She's got a baby? Apple. Oh, right. Apple. Yeah.

So the next apple, the next whatever fruit comes out of her next, pomegranate, pomelo maybe. Pomelo. I think that she might do it in a Gunther Tooties. I mean, ideally. I think a lot. I mean, that's how our forefathers. Do you think there's a Gunther Tooties. Ideally. I think a lot. I mean, that's how our forefathers.

Do you think there's a Gunther Tooties in Aspen? I don't know. Yeah, she might have to travel. Let's get Van on the line and ask him. It might be a situation to where she just waits until she's a month away from her due date. Right. And then just gets a nice little Airbnb in Boulder. Right.

Or wherever. Right. Wherever Gunther Tooties is. Boulder's nice because it's close to the airport. Sure. And that's where you want to be when the shit goes down. Yeah. Oh, that's the Denver airport.

Right. One of those Colorado airports. Right. Anyway, so I bet Paltrow just chills in Boulder for a month, you know, does her squats, her pregnancy squats. Detoxing. Yeah, detoxes. And then when the time is right, when the baby is, you know, when the baby is ready to be born, she just hops in her Chrysler Sebring, heads out to the Gunther Judy's parking

lot. Somebody's been reading Goop. And she, you know, just lets nature take its course. Goop has been doing a whole Chrysler Sebring series. They started out with the Coop, but now they're doing the convertible. Sure. And then, boom, you go into Gunther's, just have a short stack. You know, next month is Chevy Cavalier Month on Goop.

My favorite month. Yeah, it is. My favorite Goop time of the year. Let's take one more call. Hello, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. This is Timothy from Chicago calling with a momentous occasion. This evening, I took the bus home and was staring out the window as I normally do. And as I passed the first window, I saw some ladies in a glittery dress

having some champagne and some hors d'oeuvres, having a nice evening. And as I passed the next window in the room, presumably next to it, I saw some muscle-bound fellows with shirtless, with ties on and backwards hats. I believe they were strippers going to this party. And what was interesting was that they were standing, holding hands together and praying. I'm assuming this was for your upcoming performance. Really heartwarming stuff. Thanks so much. Love the show. Bye-bye.

Lord. This is Chad. Your servant, Chad. And yo, it's me, Ryder, too. I'm here, too. Chad and Ryder. Shut up, Ryder. Shut up.

You shut up, Trey. Okay. And I just want to thank you for this day. Yeah, man. The fact that we can do what we love. I love this shit. And I want you to bless us all as we go into that room filled with champagne drunk sluts. Thank you so much for this dick, Lord.

with champagne drunk sluts. Thank you so much for this dick, Lord. Lord, please let our dicks get kind of hard, but not fully erect. It's illegal if they get all the way hard, Lord. Lord, just give us half chubs, Lord. Make it look nice and thick, but...

Lord, I got what it takes to make a half chub count. And while we're out there, just let... Thanks to your providence. Let those sluts see you in us As we shake our half-erect dicks in their face When I look in the mirror, I want to see Jesus Christ, your one and only son And let us be The light of the Lord

May the light of the Lord be upon our buttholes when we bend over And just let us be May they be clean and free of hairs May the light of the Lord be upon our buttholes when we bend over. And just let us be. May they be clean and free of hairs. And let us witness. If that's where they're at and they want to know more about you, let us, you know, speak through us, Lord. Let us share your story. Let us share the good news, Lord. Lord, I'm sorry that you gave me this weird speech impediment.

But I'm grateful for my monster schlong and muscle physique. Oh, and also bless Genuine. Amen. For writing all of the songs we dance to. Thank you. Also, thank you to White Hollywood for inventing bumping and grinding male strippers with black music. Also, thank you for giving Channing Tatum a pass on appropriating blackness. Black women. What is Channing Tatum's big crime against appropriation? Too charming.

Too charming, yeah. As charming as a black guy would be. I don't even have an issue with it, but if the reverse were true and a white woman basically danced around seductively like a black woman is known for doing sure and black men cheered it okay black women would be furious so you think he's you should you think he should dance to the hits of rush then yeah if you're gonna like you know stand up for your people, Channing Tatum. The song about the tree war? Yeah, just any Rush.

I mean, that's all Rush songs, right? They're all about, it's all one long narrative about the war between the trees. It's all Groot-based? Yeah. Oh, so Rush predicted Groot. I have no dog in any Channing Tatum fight. I don't. Dear Lord, may my dance be as progressive

as Neil Peart's drum solos. Okay, in my, he said two guys, right? Yeah. I imagine just a hot gay couple who are like,

look, look at us. Yeah. We fucking should just, I don't, but I don't want to, that's gross. I'm not,

yeah, but we just. They're just praying. They're just want to that's gross i'm not yeah but they're just praying they're just praying it's just your lord give us the forbearance to deal with these straight women just pretend they're all gay men just you'll just use your imagination it's a it's a show you know they got to gear themselves up i think that's a nice career path for a hot cut shaved gay couple perfect that's the perfect that's the perfect job for those guys because yeah you like you don't want to be you don't want to be grossed out you don't want to be like you shaved gay couple. Perfect. That's the perfect job for those guys. Because yeah, you don't want to be

grossed out. You don't want to be like ew, ew, ew. Sure. But you don't want to be like raging hard on. Yeah. Right?

And that's the tightrope these men walk every day. It's the perfect job. They also walk a tightrope. That's another part of their show. It's really impressive. Like a literal tightrope. Slackline is what it's called.

Yeah. They do some slacklining. They do, and they have a bounce house for kids. It's a full-service situation. Kids out back in the bounce house, mom's in the living room getting a dong in her face. Exactly. So they teabag a little, then they head out back and they teach the kids a little something about science. Sure.

Well, and fire safety because they're dressed as firemen. You got it. We'll be back in just a second kids a little something about science. Sure. Well, and fire safety because they're dressed as firemen. You got it. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Nick Repeat, Adams. Nick, it's always a delight to have you on the program.

There's no wonder that you're the fan's second favorite guest ever. I'll take it. I'll take it. Speaking of guests, by the way, next week on the program, their third favorite, Karen Kilgara. Hey. I know. We're pulling out all the stops for the MaxFunDrive. Second favorite.

Third favorite. Sixth favorite. Who knows? Yeah. Will Kevin Sprinkles Pereira be on the program? Maybe he's busy these days. He probably is. We can give it a shot, though, I guess.

We can give it a shot, though, I guess. TV shows and stuff. Yeah. Okay. Hey, if at any point while listening to this, you went to MaximumFun.org slash donate and donated, thank you for doing that. Thank you so much for doing that. Yeah. If you haven't yet, well, I've got a plan of action for you.

Sure. There's one bullet point, but it's circled and underlined. Go to MaximumFun.org slash donate and do what it takes. Do it. Hashtag TCB. Mm-hmm. Hashtag TCBDTMFun.org slash donate and do what it takes. Do it. Hashtag TCB. Mm-hmm. Hashtag TCBDTMF.org. Sure.

Take care of business. Donate at MaximumFun.org. I thought you slid a down to fuck in there for a second. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no. I would never slide that into the DMs. Hi, I'm young person Jesse Thorne. If you want me to slide into those DMs, hit me up.

Yes, queen. Yes. Yes. Yes, queen. Thank you. Are you being served? Slay. Darn, David.

Back at it again with your signature shoes. Man. Yeah. Damn Daniel has to be, like, Damn Daniel is like the flavor of love. Oh, we're done. We're done. Yeah, you know what?

We're done. God damn it. I was... You know what? That's a thing now? I kind of came around. I mean, listen, like any right-thinking person, the first time I saw Damn Daniel, I'm like, what the fuck is this? Is it?

But then I was like, eh, I don't know. This is fun to say. I got to tell you, I watched Damn Daniel, which is a popular viral video in which a kid wears outfits and another kid goes, damn, Daniel. Also, the first kid is not particularly well-dressed at all. No, and he may be doing an offensive game voice. It's hard to tell. He's not poorly dressed, but he's not particularly stylish. I guess I thought that was the joke of it, was that the friend looked like a goober.

Right. So he was anyway. I have to say this. Hard to say. Yeah. Probably not that much thought was put into it. We are overthinking this way more than they did. I don't watch a lot of viral vids, but I do watch Ellen every day.

And I caught these two young men on Ellen. Sure. And I found them to be charming. You know, there's a lot of people who talk about what's wrong with the next generation. They call it Generation Z. Okay. I think they're examples of what's right. Number one, they're interested in athletics.

Sure. Number two, they've got sharp sneakers. And number three, they're whites. Sure. Yeah. So I think that is- Always room for a couple of those. Exactly.

Exactly. When you're talking demographics, you want to talk whites. Always room. Always room. You know what I mean? Why not? Hey, can I mention something, Jordan? We've been talking about going to MaximumFund.org slash donate to donate.

I want to mention a lot of people who listen to this program may know that I also host a program called Bullseye with Jesse Thorne. This is an arts and culture interview program, et cetera. If you haven't tried it, try it. But because of our contract situation on Bullseye with Jesse Thorne, we are not going to be pitching on Bullseye with Jesse Thorne. You will not hear me on the air with Colin and Julia, as you might have in the past, saying, will you support Bullseye with Jesse Thorne? Bullseye with Jesse Thorne, though, does still need your support. So if you're both a Jordan Jesse Go listener and a Bullseye with Jesse Thorne listener, number one, think about how much

this shit means to you. Sure. It's really something, apparently. But number two, make sure to tick both those boxes. Do it. This isn't like a Ray Charles, like NPR has your master tapes or like- No, NPR does own my masters. Yeah.

So what I'm going to do is I have a friend named Shug. He and I are going to head on in there and just- Just have a talk. Just talk to him. Take care of it. Just talk to him. Just talk to them and he'll just take care of it. He's a friend named Shug. He and I are going to head on in there and just, he said, just take care of it. Just talk to them and he'll just take care of it. He's a friend of mine. He's a businessman. He's a businessman.

My friend Marion is all about addressing situations. When he goes into the boardroom, it's Marion. Like no one just, it's not Shug. I thought you were going to say when he goes into the boardroom, he really goes into the boardroom. Sure. He sits around the boardroom. Oh, he murdered someone with a car recently. Did he murder them? Maybe he just crippled them.

I think he might have just slammed into them. Charged that, rammed someone. Ran someone over with his Escalade. I believe. On purpose. Terrifying man. So. Yeah.

Just to recap. Maximumfund.org donate. man. So. Yeah. Just to recap. Maximumfun.org donate. Slash donate. Yeah. Get a bunch of cool camping related things. Hashtag it MaxFunDrive. There's MaxFun meetups coming up. There's one in Los Angeles, but there are ones all around the world.

I'm talking about from Spokane, Washington. If you're a bunch of guys who like a circle jerk and like MaxFun, and you want to have an M-E-A-T up, I'm just throwing that out there. You can find all the information at MaximumFun.org slash meetups, but it's Tuesday, March 22nd at 7 p.m. Hey, it looks like, I'm looking at the page right now. Yeah.

Arizona. Yeah. California, we got Los Angeles, Mountain View, Oakland. Denver. Denver and Colorado. Where's the Denver meetup? Oh, is it at the, what is that thing's name again? Groundskeeper Willie's.

Yeah, Groundskeeper Willie's. Gunther Tweedy's. Gunther Tootie's. Gunther Tootie's. It's not it. Iowa. Maryland. It's something called Sobo.

Massachusetts. Yeah, I guess I think I will be at the Los Angeles one. That's at Club TG on Glendale there in Los Angeles. Yeah, in Atwater Village. Yeah. Cash only, guys. Cash only bar. So yeah, lots of cool stuff that is on the 22nd.

All these great cities around the country. Maximumfund.org slash meetups for more information. We also have – we're going to end the big pledge drive. One – let's see. What do we call it? One, the last Friday of the pledge drive. So that's a week from Friday if you're listening to this around the release date. If you're listening to this around the release date, we will be doing a live streaming Jordan Jesse Go with a bonanza of guests from other MaxFun podcasts starting at 7 p.m. Pacific time. Live streaming from right here at Maximum Fun World Headquarters.

And, you know, I couldn't help but notice this, Jordan. Our colleague Christian, Christian Duenas, the legendary man whose grandfather's favorite genre of movie is talking dog movies. Christian, on his desk, has a PlayStation whatever it is set up. Sure. And from what I understand, our friend Lindsay Pavlis has a real fun video game planned for us. So, yeah. So this will be the first Jordan Jesse Go episode that includes live Twitch streaming. Live Twitch streaming. I don't know if we're actually going to stream it on Twitch. But Jordan and I, well, here's the thing. Jordan and I have roughly equivalent video game skills.

I would say, you know, like I'm a little better at certain games once they require fast reactions. Jordan is a little better at sports games just because he knows the strategy more than I do. But ultimately, OK, so we're going to play a game. This is the name of this game that Lindsay that Lindsay wants us to play. I'm just looking it up here. It's called Nidhogg. Nidhogg, it's,

you play, she's okay. This is Lindsay's description. You play as two sword guys who are trying to kill each other slash jump over each other to achieve the ultimate goal, jumping into the mouth of a serpent god.

Okay. So that's good. And you were talking about you might bring that new... Yeah, I've got a copy of Street Fighter V. So if people want that, get at us online. Depends on what you're into. Do they have that yoga guy? Yeah, yeah.

Dhalsim's in it. He's got a cool beard in this one. Oh, Dhalsim grew a beard? Yeah, he's got a beard. I have a beard! Sure. There you go. We're both grown up.

Yeah. You know, it's just- You've seen a lot of shit. It seems like it was just yesterday that the two of us were hanging out together in the basement of the San Francisco State University Student Union. Yeah. Enjoying one of those nice sandwiches and being annoyed when 20-year-olds put a bunch of quarters on top of the game and you're like, I get it. You get the next turn.

But like I'm going to play for like 90 seconds because I'm terrible at this game. Then you're going to play for like seven hours. Anyway, we were just kids then. Sure. Now we both have beards. I'm still a young person though. That's cool. You can tell because I know all about memes.

Sure. Clearly. Probably from Generation Z. Mm-hmm. Generation Z is named after our favorite drink, Zima. Okay, look. Maximumfund.org slash donate. The thing to do is to do it.

Is that a good slogan for this year? The thing to do is to do it? The thing to do is to do it? Yeah. I believe that was... Hashtag get them, get them, get them? them get them how about mcgovern's how about damn listener back at it again with donating to jordan jesse go damn listener maximumfund.org donate help us get to that white vans is literally the most ubiquitous tennis shoe in the

universe yeah why is that exciting i don't know all right i'm old damn nick back at it again with the grumpiness the legendary grumpiness okay brian fernandez on the boards love you by the free design courtesy of the free design and Light in the Attic Records is our theme music and our donor supporter, our person who's about to feel super awesome about themselves, our person whose life is about to be changed

for the better for a very, very modest sum is you at MaximumFun.org slash donate. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan and Jessica.