Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 422: Friendship Charisma with Michael Showalter and Karen Kilgariff

Episode Date: April 4, 2016

Michael Showalter joins Jesse and special guest co-host Karen Kigariff for a discussion of his new movie Hello, My Name is Doris, the most charismatic people Jesse has ever met, and Karen's experience working on the Marriage Ref with Jerry Seinfeld.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Karen Kilgariff, child empath. You know what, Karen? What's that? Ordinarily, that's when Jordan would talk. Yeah, I know.

You're filling in for Jordan this week. I am. I'm girl Jordan. You're filling in for Jordan this week. I'm girl Jordan. You're dramatically more – is that how you identify? That's how I identify on the streets. Oh, just on the streets. Just on the streets. What about in the sheets? In the sheets, that's private.

That's MYOB, please. You're dramatically more mellifluous than Jordan. Think so? That's something that I really appreciate about having you here. Does that have anything to do with the movie Maleficent? Yeah. Yeah. You're in the movie Maleficent, right?

I am. I have horns. I have head horns. Just having horns is not enough to be in the movie. You have to have appeared on camera. No, you also have to have wings. I'll grant you that you have horns and wings. I mean, I can see right now that you've got what honestly look like they may have been surgically implanted horns and wings.

I mean, I have spent some money. Yes, it's true. But it's worth it to me. Yes, I'm in show business. Yes, okay, look, we're not all born with it. I worked for Ellen DeGeneres. She made me get horns and wings. Fine, I'll say it.

It was half her, half Portia de Rossi. Look, I wanted it, okay, or I wouldn't have done it. But yes, they led me down the path. How are you doing? How are you doing, Karen Kogaroff? It's great to have you here as a guest. What's it called? Co-host. It's good to have you here as a guest. As a guest. What's it called? Co-host. Co-host.

Thank you. It's good to be in this, you know, this very acoustically, perfectly set up room. It's a tiny, tiny room. I love to be here with you. Outside of the fact that you can absolutely hear our producer, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez, guffawing loudly through the window. Just going nuts. That's just his natural state. I love it.

I did give him $20, though, and I was like, let's beef up the laughing on this one. Wait, you gave Brian $20 to beef up the laughing? Just to laugh through the window. I'm sincerely worried about the structural integrity of this building. You should. Brian is beefing up his laughing. He is the laughingest person I know on earth. Yeah.

Yeah, and it's one bigger this time. By the way, Karen, I also want to compliment you on remembering my son's name. That's right. I did. That was really, that was a very lovely gesture that I appreciate very much. Well, you know, Jesse, I was an alcoholic for a long time and I didn't really make an effort toward anyone ever. So in my later years and hopefully before I die, I'm going to get in a couple of good swipes on people. A couple of good kindness swipes? Some kindness swipes just right across the eyes.

Getting right up in there? Yep. Like a wildcat of kindness? Yeah. So you bleed out a goodcat of kindness? Yeah. So you bleed out good feeling with eye fluid. What step is that?

That's the twelfth step. That's the final one. Is you turn into a kindness panther and you just attach people's faces. Wow. From what I understand. That really, honestly, that explains a lot about my dad and my childhood. Right?

Like, I thought, wow, okay, yeah, so that's what he was doing. Yeah. You took it as a negative when actually it was, you know, probably really a huge positive. Should we introduce our guest on the program or should we just have him sit in the corner? No, I think we absolutely should. Okay. He's a beloved celebrity entertainer. He's a celebrated writer, actor, director, and raconteur. His latest film, the first of what is sure to be many in recent years, because it's not his first overall, because he directed the film The Baxter some years ago, is my name is Doris.

He's best friends with Sally Field, who sends him text messages. Michael Showalter. Hi, Michael. Hey. How are you, friends? I'm great, friends. We watched and enjoyed your movie, FYI. Thank you.

I thought of a funny name for a guest co-host. Let's hear it. A ghost. That is fun. Let's hear it. A ghost. That is fun. That's very funny. Do you see? It takes guest, co, and host and somehow melds it into a word that already exists. Yeah.

A ghost. It goes ahead and removes co. It goes on it, right on ahead and moves co. Which is like a power move. It goes right on ahead and removes e-u-E-S-T and replaces it with H. Yeah. It just goes. No, no.

It doesn't do that. No, it doesn't. It doesn't do that. Uh-uh. It just goes ahead and removes U-E-S-T and co. So it removes. Okay. Can you?

I lost track there. It more than just removes it. It goes right. Okay. Can you. I lost track there. It more than just removes it. It goes right on ahead and removes it. Okay. So it goes right on ahead and removes what now? U-E-S-T and co. From? Guest co-host.

What's left? Ghost. Ghost. That is very clever, Michael. That is extremely clever. No wonder you're a successful film director. That kind of felt a little bit like one of those segments on Sesame Street. Didn't it?

Where you got walked through it four times and then we learn. Ghost. Ghost. Guest host. Guest. Guest. Co. Host.

Guest. Guest. Host. Well, we're delighted to have you here. Jesse's deeply regretting that I'm here right now. Jesse's staring. Can I just say, in my showing of Hello, My Name is Doris at the Arclight last weekend. Okay, we get it, Karen. You paid the extra to get the reserved seat.

I am a gold circle member, a gold line member. Oh, well. I have a pile of gold in the trunk of my car. Well, I have a lot of eBay bucks. What? You don't see me bragging about it. You should. Yeah.

But it was a packed house. Oh, that's good to know. It was full, which I think- What night, may I ask, what night or day was it? It was Friday. It was Friday. Wow. Yeah.

Wow. Evening. Yeah. Which I thought, I don't know, I felt proud of you. Not in a condescending way. No, I mean, look, this is the first time I feel like I've ever done anything that I didn't have to like beg and cajole people to watch. Yeah. People just go to see it because they're excited to see this movie. done anything that I didn't have to like beg and cajole people to watch. People just go to see it because they're excited to see this movie.

They don't even know I've got anything to do with it. Thank God. They just want to see Sally Field. Yeah. Doing her thing. And she's amazing. She's amazing. And Time Daily.

Come on. Time Daily and they're phenomenal. They're two iconic actresses, American actresses, working together in this movie. Let me ask you this. When, like, where did you, like, have lunch with Sally Field? Le Pain Quotidien, which is this lovely French bistro.

A place called McDonald's. It was this really adorable French bistro called Le Pain Quotidien. What was your question? I just want to know what it's like. I have never had lunch with a legendary movie star, so I just want to know what that's like. Well, I offered her the role. role didn't think to make her audition it was an offer good call um and uh uh had no truly it did not even cross my mind for half of one second that she would want to do the movie it was like might as well do this why not um worst case

scenario she said says no and whatever but she read the script she was interested would you meet her for lunch she's out of town she'll be back in a week or two would you meet her for a coffee and and she'll talk to you about your movie i said yes uh we met at the which is i believe this one is in in brentwood Can I ask you, Le Pomp Quotidien, is that like a she-she French bistro? Yeah, I mean, it's a very authentic French bistro in Brentwood. I've never been to one before. It's a chain, though, right?

It is a chain. Oh, I don't know, no, no. This was a very... No, it's just like in France. It's a French Applebee's, isn't it? All I know. Karen, can I take a second to explain something to you? I'd love it. Do you know the French dish escargot?

Oui. It's snails. You're eating snails. That's the kind of stuff that Mike and Sally Field know a lot about. Okay. I'm just learning about. And frankly, you're ignorant as hell. Wow.

I know nothing about it. No, it's true. This has got very – so I like did the like bought a new shirt. You know, I had a nice clean shirt and I combed my hair and all that. Good call. And I got there very early and she walked in and there she is. And I mean I've loved her forever. She's, you know, I truly, truly adore this actress.

And then there she is. And she was delightful, humble, funny, charming person. It would be. And it was terrifying. I would like it if you had said that she was not humble. Like she just came in and she's like,

okay, let's get the rules straight, show Walter. Number one, I'm fucking Sally Field. Yeah, I wanted her to do that. We all wanted her to do that, but it never happened. Is that like a lifelong dream you've had to be bossed around by Sally Field?

Yeah, of course. Absolutely. But then I think it was the very next day I got a phone call from her agent and her manager on the call. They were both on the call, which usually that's a good thing. And it was like, she's going to do your film. And it was like, hey, so listen, Sally Field's going to do your movie. And then the implication was like, so don't fuck it up.

Like, hey, kid, she's going to do your film. So this is the last time we're going to talk to you. Nice. Don't fuck it up. But it was amazing. It was fantastic. She's a very demanding person. She's tough as nails.

What kind of demands are we talking about? Escargot? No, she has no demands like that. She has, although I will say there was a young gentleman whose job it was to pick her up and bring her to the set every morning. And one morning he was 10 minutes late. And that

he never was given that job. That was it. Yeah. Wow. It was a one strike and you're out. You know what, Mike? She's a professional. Yeah. She's got work to do. People are relying on her.

She's got to get in that makeup chair. She drove herself. No. Was that the scariest thing when she pulled up and her- She drove herself after that. Oh, you mean the whole rest of the time? Yes. Oh, no.

Because she's like, if I can't rely on you, I'll just do it myself. Correct. I'm Sally Field. Correct. Remember me from Smoking the Bandit? Yes.

God, you know what? What? I just watched Smoking the Bandit for the first time like maybe three, four months ago. I understand why

everyone likes Smoking the Bandit so much. It's so good. That shit is delightful. It's hilarious. Oh, my God. And she was perfect. She was like gorgeous but not like in a very girl next door way and so approachable.

No, she's legendary. I remember the big movie – I mean amongst all the other movies but there was one that I really watched a million zillion times was Punchline. Yeah. Did you ever see Punchline? I have not seen punchline what happens what's punchline is uh she plays a stand-up comedian and she plays she sort of plays rosanne barr yeah actually is who she plays really yes and it was tom hanks was it was like tom hanks his first not big comedic part it was like his first like maybe I'm actually a good actor too part.

What are we talking about? It was like stand-up comedy drama. I want to say 80 – maybe late 80s. Okay. Like 88? Something like that. How about 89? Yeah.

I think it was a little later. 88 says Brian Fernandez. I thought i saw it in l.a and she uh it's 88 karen well yeah of course you're sure he just said it somebody you karen you've got a lot to learn about she plays um she plays a suburban mom who is funny and her and her husband is actually played by john Goodman in the movie. Really? Yes. And she is a natural. She's a natural.

And she just starts doing stand-up later in her life. And meanwhile, Tom Hanks is like Marc Maron sort of. Like this kind of his own – he's his own worst enemy but like brilliant. Sort of like this kind of his own – he's his own worst enemy but like brilliant and they kind of form a bond and a little bit of a relationship forms. And the big climactic scene is auditioning for Carson or the equivalent of Carson in the movie and she gets it and he doesn't. Oh, wow. Because he has an epic meltdown in his Carson audition. He has the like – he has like too much truth and he can't – he can't like just stick to his material. And so he gets like too real and it's awkward.

Is this a good movie? I love it. I love it. But it's a little campy. Well, it's like there's really good people on it. Like Taylor Negron is in it. Taylor Negron is in it. Paul Kozlowski was in it as one of the other comics. There's all kinds of great comics.

It has this whole sort of – and it's funny. It was like when stand-up comedy was all the rage. Right. And so there's like a juggling nun and there's like all these – it's like the stand-up comedy club is like everyone's got their bit. Classic stand-up comedy club is like everyone's got their bit. Classic stand-up tropes. Everyone has their very specific little corner of comedy that they do. And as a young guy thinking about maybe being in comedy, it was very exciting and fascinating. Karen, did anyone ever try to make you, or did you ever try and make yourself

into, uh, the something, something comedian? Um, I did, uh, well, I was young when I started, so I was pretty young when I was in LA. So I, I did have that kind of like, um, you know, it was borderline. I punk punk rock. Isn't the right thing, but just kind of like, she's not, you know, it's borderline. I punk punk rock isn't the right thing, but just kind of like, she's not, you know, it's not your dad standup comedian kind of feel. And the audience should know here. I'm just giving a little context that you were given one of those.

Hey, this guy over here. Yeah. I was doing kind of an old fashioned face, but you can't see it. Yeah. My favorite part of punchline. The movie was that everyone had their own locker backstage at the comedy club. That's why I thought it came out later because we used to talk about it all the time. Punchline?

Yeah. And just the idea that you would go back after your set and open your locker and take your purse out angrily. Well, because it's sort of like it was as if stand-up was like a strip club. Yes. That was the basic template. Exactly. It was like we're just the stand-up was like a strip club. Yes, exactly. That was the basic template. Exactly. It was like we're just the stand-ups. We punch in, we punch out.

We've all got a locker back here. The manager treats us like crap. Yeah. But it's this sort of romantic sort of – what's that movie with the dancer? Flash Dance. Flash Dance. Flash Dance. um what's that that movie with uh the dancer um flash dance flash dance it's like it's like a very blue collar kind of thing of of like the back behind the scenes of a stand-up comedian i've never seen flash dance wait have i seen what happens in flash dance are you a russian spy

is flash dance the one no dirty dancing is the one i saw that's i recently saw dirty dancing for the first time with the lift in the pond? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's definitely some lifts in the pond. Yes, for sure. I think I'm the opposite of you. I've seen everything pre-1988 and nothing after it.

What? You've seen some. What about the Baxter? You saw that? That doesn't count. With Peter Dinklage? That doesn't count. Yeah, it was great.

He was great. He was like a wedding planner. That's right. Benson Hed count. Yeah, it was great. He was great. He was like a wedding planner. That's right. Benson Hedges. Yeah, there you go. A lot of people think that I come, and I'm giving people like a line of baloney about having seen their work. Right. I've seen the movie.

You mean it. And you saw it before. You knew he was going to be a guest. This is real. Peter Dinklage is going to be on this show? Yeah. Yes! Yes!

Oh, sorry, Michael, but we are out of time. Dink. I got to bring in the dink. The dink. Have you ever worked with the dink? No, I saw him at a thrift store once, and I was like, man, does that guy look like Peter Dinklage. And I was thinking, like, jeez, could that? And then, like, some people with clipboards came up and, like, were taking instructions from him as he was pointing at things.

And I was like, yeah, that's definitely the dink. The dink got a job managing a thrift store? No, no, no. He was in charge? It was a big thrift store. No, I feel like it was as though he was directing a film or something like that, directing a show, something. He was definitely in charge of two people who looked like real Hollywood types.

Interesting. And I don't think, like, as a man so handsome, I think it would be very difficult to mistake him. What? The dink? He's a very handsome man. I just wanted to see how quiet it could get.

It was so quiet for a second there. Show Walter gave me a look like Peter Dinklage. No, I didn't. Yeah, you did. He's a very handsome man. I just wanted to see how quiet it could get. It was so quiet for a second there. Show Walter Kimmy a look like Peter Dinklage. No, I didn't. Yeah, you did. He's a gorgeous. Are you kidding me? He's sexy. He's one of the handsomest dudes ever.

He really is. He's shirtless on a horse on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine. Yeah. And he'll never let you forget it, too. You have Max Greenfield in your movie. He's also a good-looking man. He's quite good-looking. So I have met Max Greenfield. Right. He's also a good-looking man. He's quite good-looking. I have met Max

Greenfield. He came in here and I had admired him on the television show New Girl. You talking like that combined with your beard is so grandpa that I can barely... I had admired him

on the television show New Girl. Have you heard of this show on the Fox network? Certainly. Certainly. Sure. I know in the San Francisco Bay Area, it's Channel 2. I'm not sure. KTVU.

There's only one, two. Yeah, exactly. So I had admired him on the show New Girl, which is an ensemble comedy on the Fox network. Certainly. Certainly. And I had found him to be in a generally very strong cast, by far the standout performer. Right, right. Schmidt, it's Schmidt.

And it's because he's Schmidt, and Schmidt, this character on this show, if you haven't seen it, is like just magnetic, and all you want is to give him a hug in the entire world. Like all you can think about the whole time you're watching the show. Even with What's-Her-Face, Zooey Deschanel. Is that the star of the show? Yeah. Like she is a very beautiful woman. She's nothing compared to Max Greenfield.

No, she's nothing. She's nothing. She's a wonderful actress. She's like spectacularly beautiful. She's just delightful. And like Max Greenfield just blows everyone else on screen off every time he steps on. And it is with pure like friendship qualities. Like all you want is to just like throw your arm around his shoulder and be like, hey, bud.

And even when he's not wearing his shirt, which normally anytime a dude is not wearing their shirt, I'm like, fuck you. Put your shirt back on. But even when he's not wearing his shirt, I normally anytime a dude is not wearing their shirt, I'm like, fuck you, put your shirt back on. But even when he's not wearing his shirt, I mean, he's very fit, but that usually enhances my feelings of fuck you, put your shirt back on. But not with Max. No. You're almost like, take those pants off. Yeah.

Yeah. Like, let me entertain you. Exactly. Let me make you smile. Did you take Max Greenfield to Le Parc Quotidien? No, but we went to a different French restaurant,

the name of which I can't remember. French only? Maybe. Le Belle Epoque. Yeah, that's probably what it was. Bonjour. Les Sans-Coulottes. Au Fudge. There's a restaurant now called Au Fudge, which is Jessica Biel's new spot. Wait, Jessica Biel owns it? Jessica Biel owns this spot.

And it's called Au Fudge. Au Fudge. Were you watching Extra? Someone invited us. Someone invited us to her new spot because it's kid-friendly. Fudge only? No. They have a whole menu of delicious French food and some fudge.

There's some fudge there too. So Max Greenfield came here. I honestly had a hard time interviewing him for Bullseye because I so badly wanted to be friends with him the entire time he was here. That's how his friendship charisma. I just thought it must be an amazing. Did you tell him that? You're using friendship as a euphemism though, right? That's what I'm getting.

Yeah. For entertaining. Got it. Got it. Got it. Yeah. But he's, that guy is magical. I, I look, it is look, it is my job.

It is my job. I'm a professional interviewer. I've interviewed Michael Showalter on multiple occasions. I interviewed Michael Showalter on the occasion of the release of his film, Wet Hot American Summer, by telephone from Santa Cruz, California. Oh, really? Yeah, I think it was. All those years ago? It was maybe like a year after the movie came out.

But we're going to call that the release window. Wow. It was probably. That's a long time ago. It was a long time ago. No memory of it, Michael? Absolutely. But I guess I remember I know that I have over the course of many years, touched base with Jesse.

Jesse is a constant. Yes. Absolutely. Like the ticking of a metronome. Jesse is a constant. And just as funny. He'll come back around. And I should add, it's been wonderful to see you develop and to see you evolve your brand, as they say.

Thank you. And your beard and your mustache. Thank you. So I have interviewed many people. The only people who I have felt that way about, off the top of my head, Max Greenfield. RuPaul. RuPaul is also just radiant. Yes.

Just a radiant human being. And you just sit there and you're just like, this is an amazing person. Yeah. The way that people feel in the presence of like religious figures. I was in an elevator with RuPaul at the Virgin Mega Center. That's what you used to call it. I don't know what it's called anymore. Down on Sunset.

And he – it was my friend and I had just gotten some CDs at the Virgin store way back when. This was the 90s. And he got in the elevator, pressed his button. What are we talking about? Zwan? I would get a Zwan I was known to get I would buy the same year of the mix best of compilation

over and over you know how I do and he got in a little bit of bebop he pressed his number on the elevator and then turned around and goes what'd you guys get and literally made us go through our bags

and show him our CDs. And I was like, and he didn't, he looked like a guy in a little sun hat. He would just look like anybody else. Is he RuPaul when he's not in the outfit? He is. Well, RuPaul is his actual given name. Name. So when you see someone, okay.

So when he's, so he is, yeah, he's an unusual drag performer in that he has the same name in both contexts. In real life, he is like – he is very handsome, very thin, and very like boldly but natally attired. Yes, yes. That was my experience anyway. Oh, yeah. No, I've never met him, but I've been in his presence before. And he's tall, very tall gentleman. And he was friends with the B-52s when he was a teenager. Is that true?

Yes. That's perfect. I know. That's perfection. Yeah. It's as good as it gets. There's no doubt about it. Have you ever seen the footage of RuPaul performing with his punk rock band?

No. Yeah. He had a teenage punk rock band. And you can watch footage of him performing on Athens, Georgia, public access television on YouTube. Fuck. Is he performing in drag or just being punk?

Nope. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Just being a super gay punk rock black 14-year-old. Fuck, yeah. I don't know. Maybe he's 16, 17, something like that. But he's really thin. So who else besides Max Greenfield and RuPaul?

Max Greenfield. And then I have a question for you. Terry. Terry Crews. Uh-huh. Terry Crews is amazing. I had Terry Cruz in here because I thought, well, look,

he was great as President Camacho in Idiocracy. And he's always really great on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, which I think is one of the funniest sitcoms on TV. And so I just thought – I thought like –

And the Old Spice commercials. Yeah. He's great at that. He's not in all of those. He's in a lot of them though. He was in some of them for a while. And I have not seen him host Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, which is another job that he did. Oh, does he host it?

And I did – and I had not seen him performing as an American gladiator, which is how he got his start in the entertainment industry. But I was like, look, it'll be interesting. Like at the very minimum, it'll be interesting. I can talk to him about what's it like to be in the NFL, for example, which he was in the NFL. And he came in here and like shook my hand. And I was like, oh, my God, can you start a religious faith so that I can join it? Just a powerful presence?

Yeah, just an incredible presence. And also like RuPaul, just radiated kindness and regard for the world. Yeah. when he was in here was I asked him, I basically asked him like, what was it like to be a small town, Southern gay kid in the seventies? Uh, and he basically said, he said to me,

nobody ever really bothered me because they could tell that I loved everyone. And he meant it. And I believed him 100% and continue to. Like, how could anyone ever mess with him? He's so magical. Yeah. Yeah. Who have you met?

Okay, I'm going to turn the tables on you two. You guys are hanging around celebrities all the time. Oh, yeah. I mean, you probably met Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Damme. These are all big action. Jean-Claude Van Damme. These are all big action heroes. They're just large, upper-bodied men.

Jean-Claude Van Damme. Just kind of beefy guys. Sylvester Stallone. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Okay, the question is, in your time as an entertainment professional, lo these past 20 or so years, who has made the biggest impact on you upon meeting them? Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. I mean, I've met some of my, like, bucket list people.

David Letterman, Kevin Kline. When did you meet David Letterman? I was on the television program. On the David Letterman television program? I was on the David Letterman television program. Did you get the panel? I did panel on the David Letterman television program.

Fuck, yeah. That's the best. And I, uh, it was quite amazing. It was quite an amazing experience i only saw him on the show like they push you out there biff henderson pushes me out there and it's henderson from the letterman show biff henderson from the letterman like i'm like oh wow you really are the person that like i went to a taping and that blew my mind. He really was. He really was like working on the – he works on the show. He was the stage manager. And then it's pitch black and freezing cold just like you hear.

You can't see the audience at all. They're out there but you cannot see them at all. And there's David Letterman. And I'm sitting next to him and I'm doing my thing that I've rehearsed a hundred million times. And then I heard him laugh at one of my stupid jokes that I told. And then the whole thing is a blur. But that doesn't count. Okay, that doesn't count.

Look, I like RuPaul. I met Eve Plum. I don't know who Eve Plum is. Yes, you do. I do. Is she from Footloose? God damn it, Jesse. I met Eve Plum.

You're making a rap motion like I just got served. Because it is. It's sort of like mic drop. I met Eve Plum. I genuinely don't know who Eve Plum is. Eve Plum is Jan Brady. Oh. I met a Brady,

but I don't remember which Brady it is. This goes back to my, like, I've, you haven't seen anything pre-1988. Yeah.

And I haven't seen anything post-1988. So I was on. But like to me, meeting Eve Plum is like, I spent most of my childhood watching you on television. I. Obsessing about, wishing I was in your family. Mike, I spent most of my childhood watching you on television and obsessing about wishing I was in your family.

Mike, I'm – look, I'm not here to compare dicks with you, okay? I don't want to do that. I have no interest in that. We've both been very extremely successful in the entertainment industry. You're directing a film co-written by our friends Emily Gordon and Kumail Nanjiani and executive produced by Judd Apatow. And, again, this is not a comparison because I don't want to embarrass you at all. But I was on a History Channel special called Christmas Through the Decades. What's this? It's on the History Channel. It's a special about Christmas Through the Decades.

Got it, got it. What were you doing on the show? Like talking head? Yeah. And I assumed that it was a comedy show, but it wasn't. It was like I Love the 90s if that was not a comedy show. If it was about Christmas. And about Christmas.

And sincere. And sincere. So anyway, I went in there. It was a blast. It was an honor to be invited. Like, sincerely, like, I don't, you know, if you are me and you get offered a job as one of the talking heads on Christmas Through the Decades. You pass. No.

You say, yeah, sure. Where do I go? Can I have $500? Yes. Then I will be there. I know. I was joking when I have $500? Yes, then I will be there. I know. I was joking when I said you passed. Thank you.

So I went and did this. And by the time I had agreed to it, it wasn't until I saw – like they sent out a call sheet for it because they shoot these in like 30-minute chunks. So you just go in there and they give you a bunch of prompts over 30 minutes. Did you meet Santa Claus? Is this building up to that you met Santa Claus? Did you think that Santa Claus made the show Christmas Through the Decades for the History Channel? He's an EP, right? Well, I think he got like a created by credit.

I would hope. I think it's like Gene Roddenberry gets a credit on every Star Trek show. It's not like he's on set. Right. Okay. He lets the elves run the show. So I didn't know. I had no idea.

I was like, because I don't even, you know, I don't have an agent. You know what I mean? Like they just emailed me and I was like, yeah, okay. And I got the call sheet and there were a few people on the call sheet that I knew. So my friend Mike Pesco was on the call sheet, a former NPR personality, now a bigwig at Slate, a very funny, talented guy. Nerd celebrity Will Wheaton was on the call sheet. And I met him once at a movie screening. He was there with Chris Hardwick. He seemed like a nice man.

So that was basically the people that I knew or whatever. And then the other people were like someone from What's Happening, Mr. Belding from Saved by the Bell. Oh, yeah. One of the Bradys. I don't know what Brady it was. Peter Knight. Christopher Knight. It was one of the girls.

Oh, might have been Eve Plum. It could have been Eve Plum. Just the most, like she was, she and Mr. Belding were Wilson from – I think Wilson from – From Castaway? From – The volleyball? Yeah.

He's very hard to – To please. To book. Yeah, and to please. But like the – Well, because that movie went to his head. Yeah. But I – He was so cool before that movie and then he began telling i had this i had so for me this is this is this is like an exciting

opportunity you know what i mean like i'm gonna go do this tv thing like it's gonna be fun i haven't been on tv much in the last couple years like it'll it'll be neat. You know, we'll see what it's like. And everybody was really nice. And I'm leaving. I had a great time doing it. And I'm leaving. And the Brady is there. And she's just sitting in this makeup chair.

And, you know, she's I don't know, 60-ish? 55? Isn't that about right? No. 55. Maybe she just had a hard life. You're being so disrespectful to Michael's choice of the greatest celebrity he's ever met.

She's like 85 years old. Maybe you must have been. She's wearing a T-shirt that said, and I thought this was weird, fuck Michael Showalter. She's 85 years old and I asked her do you want to do you want to make love to Michael Showalter

and she said no I mean it as a rude maybe it was Alice if it was no it wasn't Alice I would recognize Alice that's like the only one I would recognize

because she looked exactly the same or the mom Florence Henderson Florence Henderson I would recognize either of them because they

went very deep into their careers looking exactly the same as they did on the show right and they're both very charming too yeah um uh but this this brady um she's just she's sitting in this makeup chair and this this whole thing is taking place in like a strip mall in the valley next to a vivid video building oh yeah that's near where i work that's on ventura that's on ventura yeah yeah oh coanga it's on coanga yeah and um uh and there it's just like there's like you think a television show if you don't work in television you think a television show is a buzzing hub of activity with and i've been like i've visited conan and conan is like that you know but this show was basically four people sitting in just an abandoned strip mall they were all super nice but i'm delighted because i don't get to be

on television very often and i'm buzzing because i'm like oh i did a new kind of thing this is really fun and just this poor brady woman was just sitting there in this makeup chair with a look that I'm not going to call it defeat because it was more like steely resolve. Like I'm going to do what I have to do. For Christmas? Like the look. Yeah, for Christmas. Like, I'm going to do what I have to do. For Christmas? Like the look for Christmas. She was doing it on behalf of Christmas. In the name of Christmas.

In the name of the spirit of Christmas. She was there to talk about Pet Rocks. Remember Pet Rocks? How could I forget? Well, you should have been on this show, Mike. Did you do a whole segment, a whole show on Pet Rocks? They had me do 15 minutes on the 70s. Oh, because that was a good gift. I told them, I'm born in 1981.

I know I'm bald, but like. What do I know of Pet Rocks? I know nothing of Pet Rocks. Right. What do I know about Star Wars toys and how hard they were to get? Yeah. I looked at the list. I said, I know about Pee Wee Herman Christmas Special.

Let's talk about – and Hot Dr. Pepper. Ew, really? Yeah. That's just because I like Dr. Pepper. I know some stuff about Dr. Pepper. People heat that shit up for Christmas? I was the president of the Dr. Pepper Club. Do you have a – what's your answer? A radiant celebrity?

Yeah. Yeah. And what I want to hear, Karen, in contrast to Mike, who just listed people that he admired that he's met. So he's basically just like telling us about his achievements in show business. Well, I'll think about the other thing. I'll think about it. The question is it's not about who you are most excited to meet. It's about who made the biggest – who was the most remarkable.

So you weren't excited to meet RuPaul. That's what you're saying. I was perfectly glad to meet RuPaul, Mike. But then you were blown away. You were turned into a fan. And then I was left in awe. All right. I want to think about that.

Okay. Here's what mine would be then, off the cuff. Okay, here's what mine would be then, off the cuff. The first one that comes to mind is I did work, as many people know, on the second season of The Marriage Ref. Right. Well, ref heads know that. Yeah, ref heads. And the people on my website.

Coincidentally, by the way, ref heads are the only people who know that there was a second season of The Marriage Ref. You have to be way deep inside. What's The Marriage Ref? The Marriage Ref was Jerry Seinfeld and Jessica Seinfeld's marriage show. And when they revamped it in the second season. Did Tom Papa continue to host? Yes, he did. I only watched one episode of the show, but the thing that struck me the most was what a great job Tom Papa did. He's the greatest. Tom Papa greatest great at hosting this weird show people would bring in their marital problems and then celebrities would like talk about what they think they should do exactly

insanely high end like they booked madonna they looked at the one i watched larry david and madonna arguing with each other yeah and it was the weird and and Madonna got so mad at Larry David because Larry David was just being a dick. It was literally like what would you do – what should they do? What should they do? And the poor couple that was always somehow from Florida was up on a Skype. So they couldn't have been further away from the entire situation. It was like keep those people away from the A-list celebrities is the way it ended up feeling.

It was kind of hilarious. So the second season, they kind of revamped it a little bit to see if they could make it go in a different way. And that's when they brought me in. Yeah. Because they knew that that's – when you bring people off Skype, I'm the fixer. You're the fixer. When we get rid of Skype and we get real, that's when I come into play.

Skype and we get real, that's when I come into play. So anyway. You're famous for graceful second acts. Mm-hmm. On television, you brought Kirstie Alley to Cheers. I said, guys, I understand. If Diana's gone, we have to replace her. It can't be someone of the same quality.

Yeah. We have to come at this from a different angle. Right. But she still needs to have 80s hair and a crazy gal attitude. The important thing here, we need to have certain qualities similar, certain qualities

different. So, different we say, instead of making her pretentious, let's make her ditzy. A Scientologist. Oh, ditzy, yes. And similar, let's keep an eye on those shoulder pads. We need those pads strong. We need them big and we need them as wide as the hair. We need powerful pads.

So who'd you meet? Jerry Seinfeld. The first day he came into the office and I didn't, I obviously from through standup, know, respect him, all of that. But never, he wasn't my favorite. He wasn't the person I identified with in any way. But he's, you know, one of the hugest stand-ups there is. And a truly great stand-up.

And a truly great one. And made a TV show that was like rock-solid, great television that kind of changed things. The Marriage Ref? Yes, in the season one of The Marriage Ref. B-movie. She's talking about bee movie. The day he came in, I was standing in my office.

I heard his voice in the hallway and I just started pouring sweat out of my armpits. And I've never had this reaction to anyone before. And I was looking at, I was with Laura Craft, who anytime we talk about

The Marriage Ref season two, we always implicate each other. So she talks about it. She always brings my name up and vice versa. And I looked at Laura Kraft and I'm like, I'm sweating so much. And I just could not stop sweating. And then I was introduced to him and it kind of continued for a while after. And he was radiant?

He was radiant. He has amazing teeth and he's just big. Like he fills up the entire room. It's Jerry Seinfeld. So you're just kind of like you're in the room with Jerry Seinfeld. You're kind of like rendered slightly undone. But that was like a more of a physical reaction. Whitney Cummings talk show swung on by because he was guest hosting Chelsea Lately and said hi to everybody and then looked at me and goes, oh, you're that girl.

And everyone in the room turned and looked at me and I was just like, I didn't understand what was happening. But being a person from, you know, the Riot Grrrl grunge era, I was done. I literally got dizzy. Like I was sitting down thank god and he knew me from girls guitar club and was like we used to watch that tape on the bus and i was just like i don't understand what's happening right now and basically told everyone i was quitting and then you like floated away you just like floated up into the air yeah

essentially he like said a couple other things and left the room and then the door shut and it was quiet for a little bit and then we all just started laughing like crazy. It was just like, what the fuck just happened? It was miraculous. I would have liked it

if you said to him, if you had a baby coffin, would it be for sale? Which is a line from the tape that he used to like to watch on his tour bus. Oh.

You know what? I'm a success, but I'm a fan too, Mike. That's right. Of what? Of the Girls' Guitar Club, Michael. Is that what they say? That was my old band. I know it was.

It was in our short film. I saw you guys many times at Largo when I, many, many years ago, on the rare occasion that I would come to Los Angeles, I would come see you guys at Largo and I loved it. Loved you. Thank you. Those were the good old days. They really were. It's over now.

Is it? Are they? Isn't it? I don't know. Doesn't it feel like it? Are they? I don't know. I mean, yes.

It definitely feels like it. I mean, right now it does. Guys. Like right now in this room. In this moment. We're going to hash this out. Did you hear that reaction? Yeah, Brian just went, oh.

Brian's worried for us. He's got a big heart, Brian Fernandez does. Are you guys still gigging? No, no, we haven't done that in like a decade. Oh, okay. Yeah. Karen's got some beautiful songs of her own. She's got a great solo act and a new duo.

That's right. I do it all. She's got a great solo act and a new duo. That's right. I do it all. And I have a cooking show with Giada. Really? No. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. You're not the ghost. Okay, guys, we have a message up on the Jumbotron this week from a listener. It is for a product

called Pass Down Journal. They say, we've been fans of Jordan Jesse Go and wanted to support the show and say thanks for all the years of laughter. You know what? I thank you,

Pass Down Journal, for all of the years of laughter that you've provided to me. You know, Mother's Day is just a few weeks away, and few gifts have the potential to become a treasured family heirloom like a pass-down journal. It's a high-quality, hardcover journal. Do not sigh on microphone while our listeners are sharing this beautiful product that they've made. Isn't that going to get edited out?

No, that is not going to get edited out. Sweet knit and post. That's you being contemptuous. These people made a beautiful, high quality hardcover journal filled with 125 life interview questions that anyone can fill out to capture their best stories

and pass along a lifetime of knowledge. It's amazing. One of the questions is, how do you make fire? Oh, your Uncle Bill wrote in this Passed Down Journal, you take two sticks and you rub and rub and rub. Yeah. Love Bill.

PassedDownJournal.com for their Mother's Day pre-order sale. If you want to get up on the Jumbotron, it's MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. If you want to sponsor Jordan and Jesse, go email Teresa at MaximumFun.org. Hey, I want to mention something. Do it. Karen, you've been to MaxFunCon, right? Oh, yeah. Okay.

Well, bad news for everyone here. MaxFunCon is sold out. Oh. But I've got some good news for everyone here. What is it? MaxFunCon East tickets go on sale April 7th. Where is MaxFunCon East? It's in the Poconos.

Have you ever heard of that? It's in this beautiful – it's in this big, beautiful hotel that is like 95% exactly the same as the one from the movie The Shining. Nice. It's a little bit like – Trap everybody in? You know what it's like? It's like Dirty Dancing. I saw Dirty Dancing. I was like, oh, that's like? It's like dirty dancing. I saw dirty dancing.

I was like, oh, that's like the Inn at Pocono Manor. It might literally even be the Inn at Pocono Manor. Yeah, because weren't they in or were they in the Catskills? I think they were in the Catskills in the movie. I can't remember. But yeah, it's in the Poconos. We've got all kinds of amazing performers. It is all kinds of amazing classes for those of you who do creative stuff.

When you were there, did you do any classes or you just fucked off? As I said yes, I realized the answer was supposed to be no. But I've watched videos of people doing sets at Max Von Kahn. You've never been to Max Von Kahn? I've never been. Really?

I'd like to go. I'll get you to come. That's easy. I was supposed to go on the boat. Mike, you don't have to come. Why. Yeah. Oh, that's easy. I was supposed to go on the boat. Mike, you don't have to come. Why? Because you obviously don't want to. All you're doing over there is scratching your head and sighing quietly.

Like, this is the worst thing. I just came here to talk about my new hit movie. My name is Doris. We haven't talked for two seconds about it. I haven't complained once. We talked, number one, all you've done is complain the whole time you've been here. It's just been whining and whinging, whinging and whining, whining and whinging, whinging and whining. That's all we get from Michael Showalter.

Karen's been here. You heard it. I don't know. I don't want to get involved in this. Yeah, she heard it. She just confirmed it. What does whinging mean? He's got a little bit of a sparkle in his eye.

Look at it. He's got a little bit of a sparkle in his eye. Look at it. Oh, that you at home could have enjoyed that sparkle. Have you ever done a Robert De Niro impression? No, but do you think I would be good at it? I do. The way you just did that sparkle. Look.

Yeah. Look at me. We get you a little mole. You could do it. You look good in me. Yeah get you a little mole. You could do it. You look at me. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, I think we've got a star on our hands. I think I'm a star maker.

Wow. That's a good point. I've got nipples, Farka. Can you milk me? He's not from Boston. He's not? He's not Ted Kennedy? He's not.

Where is... We'll do a quick class. Where is he from? Who, Robert De Niro? I think that he's Southern. No. Let's see it if Robert De Niro was from the South. Turn around, turn back around. Are you looking at me?

No, that was Cockney. No, that was good. I thought that was good. Cockney accent. I thought that was good. That was a thick Cockney accent. I thought that was good. South London. I thought that was good. It was the artful Dodger as played by Robert De Niro.

Yes. Consider yourself. I'm walking here. Consider yourself part of the family. Are we up to paying every second of this song money out the window? Yeah. You know what ASCAP and BMI spend most of their time doing? Looking for show tunes.

Yes. Just scanning. Scanning through. Going, we're going to nail these sons of bitches someday. Yeah. Okay. MaxFunCon.com. MaxFunCon East tickets on sale April 7th.

It's going to be such a blast I will be there who knows I will be there Michael Showalter will probably be there Karen Kilgariff will probably be there

I'll tell you who we had last time British Robert De Niro Dick Cavett nuh uh yeah stick that in your pipe and smoke it Michael Ian Black

the funniest member of the state careful careful hey now that's a step too far. Hey now. Hey now, get your game on.

You're an all-star. Let's play. That's the theme music. That's the choral. That's the theme from Max Funcon East. Yep. Senior honor choir. By Smash Mouth.

Smash Mouth. Hey now, you're an all-star. Get your game on. Go play. Go play. Go play. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Go.

Go. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart I'm Karen Kilgariff, child empath I'm Mike Showalter Were you's radio sweetheart. I'm Karen Kilgareff, child empath. I'm Mike Showalter. Were you Ghost before? Did Ghost ghost? I'm Ghost. I'm Ghost.

He ghosted on Ghost. I'm Michael Showalter. He ghosted on that Ghost. I think Ghost is a great nickname. I'm Ghost. I'm Ghost. It's really solid. Ghost.

A lot of people come in here with half-assed bullshit nicknames. Ghost. I'm not going to name any names, but Ghost is a great nickname. Ghost. Okay. You're sticking with that? Yes. but Ghost is a great nickname. Ghost. Okay. You're sticking with that? Yes, yes. Michael Showalter Ghost.

Ghost. If something momentous happens to you in our listening audience, we ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN for our beloved segment, Momentous Occasions. Brian Fernandez, let's hear our first call. Hello, Jordan, Jesse, Sunny D, and guest. This is Brian calling from Atlanta, Georgia. So I was out riding my bike today after work, and I rolled up to a stop sign, and I had to stop. And while I was there, waiting for some traffic to go by so I could continue, a snake fell out of the sky and landed on the ground about 10 feet away from me.

And while I was trying to wrap my head around the fact that a snake had just fallen out of the sky, a large falcon was dive-bombing down and landed his claws right on top of the snake. And after doing that, he lifted up his head and looked around, made eye contact with me as if to say, yeah, I did that, and then bit the snake's head off. Have a good one. You know, we've been getting a lot of, we've been getting a lot of, you guys aren't on the show every week. Certainly Karen's here as often as we can get her here, but you're not here every week. And week in, week out, we've been getting a lot of, oh, this guy's wearing a snake around his neck

and he's walking down the street. Oh, this guy's wearing a snake around his neck and he's riding a unicycle, you know. Different shit like that. Snake stuff. And what I like about this call, and I'm really going to tip my hat to this call, is that this guy's bringing something new to the table.

And that is a kind of Marty Stauffer's Wild America sense of the majesty of nature's creation. Well, I was afraid it was something biblical. I thought it was kind of a Revelations thing where it was like one snake falls. Now there's a rain of snakes. Then the sky turns to blood or whatever. I'm not up on Revelation. So I was so relieved when that bird came into the picture. Do you think it's possible that this bird was reenacting the Mexican flag?

Is that a possibility here? If it was like a cosplay bird? Yeah, it could have been a flag, a bird that does flag cosplay because ultimately if you're a bird that does flag cosplay and you go to the con there's not a lot of flags for you to get in on that's right there's some with phoenixes right if you have enough ashes you're gonna need them to rise from what if it was snake cosplay and he's all don't tread on me but then that bird comes and he's like, go fuck yourself. Oh, I have a new, I have a new cosplay plan. Yeah.

And it involves me tearing your head off. I'm in charge now. Yeah. How do you feel about the majesty of nature, Mike? I love it. I love going on a nature walk and, and orienteering. Kind of a North, South, East, west thing like you tell people? I think so.

Can you use a compass? Oh, yeah, sure. You just hold it out and look at it and it tells you where you are. So what do you look for? Do you look – Moss. Is there some kind of indicator? No, not on the – obviously you look for walk.

You look for moss when you're on a nature walk. Yeah. I'm not. I've been on a nature walk before. Different types of moss. I've just never used a compass before. When you hold it out there, what kind of indications does it give you? It tells you, you can see what direction you're pointing in.

Based on wherever you are, it will tell you either if you're pointed north, south, east, or west, or anything in between. It just tells it to you like Siri? Seems to know. Well, no. There's an between. It just tells it to you like Siri? Seems to know. Well, no, there's an arrow. It's analog. It points to, it's a little arrow and it points. You've never heard of a compass? You don't know what a compass is?

I'm sorry, guys. I'm a millennial. I just. Ew, everyone hates you, millennial. All I really know is selfies and entitlement. To a certain extent, being offended by comedians visiting my college campus. I'm like, get that comedy out of here. Get out of here. We're PC.

I'm protesting it. I'm so PC. Wait, did they teach you how to use compasses on Wet Hot? Which is what people I know call Wet Hot American Summer like they don't have time. They truly call it Wet Hot. They call it Wet Hot. Well, that's what we call it. Do summer. Like they don't have time. They truly call it wet hot. Well, that's what we call it. Do you?

Oh, you made it. Yeah. I'm talking about every day. Joe lunch pail on the street. Did you learn, did you learn to use the, did you learn to use the compass on the,

on the set? Or did you learn it when we were preparing? No, we did a three week like bootcamp of of what it's like to be at camp. For real? No. Yeah. Damn it.

Sorry. I'm so sorry that you misinterpreted my sarcasm for sincerity. I just had a vision of you and Janine and Paul Rudd standing in a ring of redwoods. No. I would like to do that. I know. That would be really fun how do you really needed that to make the movie how do you really feel about nature i love nature are you kidding

me i love it i'm not kidding i love it i love nature i love it and it's i i think about every day i think about how devastating uh i feel genuinely heartbroken every day about uh how the earth is litter litter for sure i i lived in a neighborhood uh in new york before i moved to los angeles that had quite a lot of litter and i was the guy on the street with those that grabber in fact i was written i was written about because i was the neighborhood trash grabber guy. Are you David Sedaris? And was that neighborhood basically a place in France? Does he grab trash too?

Yeah. He wrote an essay about how his hobby is picking up trash. Oh, I didn't know that. He goes on long, long walks. Because I think maybe he's a little compulsive. Yeah. I think maybe he's a little compulsive. Yeah.

And he goes on long, long walks picking up garbage. And he was honored by his local town. And they – it was in England. He lives in England now. Forgive me. And they named a trash truck after him. Well, I had a – I lived in Brooklyn on a street that was pretty garbagey. And I would just keep my little area pretty clean. Where did they write you up?

On a blog, on a neighborhood blog. Nice. On a neighborhood blog. Nice. That's really cool. But I – no, I love nature. I love – I think – I love animals and – Michael Showalter, this is your chance to prove it. What's your favorite animal?

Oh, boy. They're all so wonderful, aren't they? Well, except for possums. And mosquitoes. Is that an animal? Are mosquitoes animals? Skeeters are animals. Are insects animals?

I mean, not in like the childhood sense of like what would be printed on a pillow. Do they have a heart? Do mosquitoes have hearts? Do they love? Can they love? Can they laugh? Do they laugh? If you prick them, will they bleed?

Into your blood? Bears, like a bear. Really? I'll take a bear. Really? I'll take a bear. A moose. A bear is a deadly animal. That's okay. Really? What's your favorite animal?

Cappy Barra. Isn't that a type of bear? Yeah, technically it's a South American river bear. Isn't Barra a mean bear? Could be. And Cappy means it has a little hat on. Yeah't Bara a mean bear? Could be. And Cappy means it has a little hat on. Yeah, it wears a cap. Captain Bear.

A bear in a sailor hat. A bear in a sailor hat. Cappy Bear. What about you, Karen? Let me get my full laugh. Take it. Take it. Oh, man.

I like my dog, Frank. Yeah. He's a mutt. Sure. And he eats anything that's on the floor, including pens. Doesn't have to be food. No, no. Disposable razors are his favorite.

Wow. He's a total lunatic. Wow. And I just have a lot of respect for his kind of joie de vivre. He just goes for it every day. I don't think we're allowed to just pick our dog. Okay, but it was like your favorite animal. I'm not going to go pick some rando fuck.

My favorite animal is my wife because people are animals. Ew. Human beings are animals. Foxes. That's my number one. Yeah, my wife is a fox. You know, I'm saying- You're absolutely right.

My favorite animal is your wife. Yeah. Wow. Or no. I don't know. I have kind of rap gun fingers right now. You are doing rap fingers. You're a real Michael Showalter.

Yeah. I just got served. Did I just get served? Fox is my answer. Are you being served? The British television show starring Robert De Niro? Oh, you've been served. Let's take another call.

Hey, this is Ken from Denver calling with a momentous occasion. I manage a rock and roll venue, and I just last night had a customer come and knock at my office door and ask if I could call an ambulance for him. He didn't appear to be injured and I said, why do you need an ambulance? And he said,

I soaked a tampon in vodka and put it in my ass and I think that I'm going to die. Alright. Have a good one. Bye-bye. Ken is so fucking chill.

Ken. Fucking Ken has seen it all. I like that he's like, at the end he's like, okay, I'm trying to think if there was anything else I wanted to say. Like, that's pretty much the main thing. There's no more to that story. He's looking at his checklist and it says tampon.

It's got a check next to it. It says in the butt. It's got a check next to it. And he's like, is there any other main? And I did the vodka thing, too. And he writes down vodka and checks that off. He's like, yeah, I think I got it covered. And the last thing is like throw down Mike in victory.

Check. I feel like Ken has been in this business since it was the Dave Clark Five and Herman Termin's headlining Denver. He's seen it. He's done it. He's snorted it. Wouldn't that just get you super drunk? I've never met anybody that's

gotten super drunk. Why would it get you drunk? Can you get drunk through your butt? Yes. It absorbs. Your body more quickly absorbs the vodka. Oh, I had no idea. Yeah. That's like when – All those years wasted I could have been.

You could have been wasted. When I started getting migraines when I was a kid, I'm telling you, like 10 years old, 11 years old, they gave me suppository medication that you had to put in your butt. Oh, yeah. Sure. Sure. Yeah. So it gets soaked up just like the vodka does. That's right.

I didn't think about it. But yeah, that makes perfect sense. They didn't put it in a tampon, but that might have been a good idea. That makes perfect sense. I don't know. I can't speak to that. I'm not a doctor. I didn't think about that.

That makes perfect sense. Karen, you're a doctor, right? I'm a doctor of tampons. Yeah. I've never regretted saying anything more. Dr. T! I never do tampon material, Michael. You know that.

I do know that. I've never done it. I can completely corroborate that. It just came out. It's hot in here. Yes. Hot and small. Hot and small and full of egg crate.

Let's take another call. Jordan, Jessica, good evening. I had a very peculiar momentous occasion. I was walking along the road to the stores I usually do. Wait, pause this. Brian, pause this. What is this? Is this Peter O'Toole?

Did Lawrence of Arabia just call in? What's going on, Brian? Is this a gag you're pulling on me because Jordan's not here this week? Is that what this is about, Brian? That man's clearly wearing a top hat as he tells this story. Do I need to fire you or fight you? What's happening, Brian? Go back to the beginning.

As he goes to the stores he likes to go to, is that what he said? Jordan, Jesse, go. Good evening. I had a very peculiar moment. Hold on. Pause it again. Is this an Irish spring commercial, Brian? No.

It's a good call. Okay. Just play it because Michael Showalter's losing his strength. Good evening. I had a very peculiar momentous occasion. I was walking along the road to the store... God, you're a neat cookie, Chris. A woman actually pulled over and said to me, I see you every day, and I just want to say,

you're doing so well losing all that weight. Bless you. And then she drove off. I am a zaafting man, and I took it as a compliment. Very momentous. Have a good day. Oh.

You know what? That was sweet. I think he's doing a great fucking job. He's doing a great job with his fake accent? Yeah. And he's doing a great job with the weight loss. I like, I think he's doing a great job,

especially with all that Cookie Crisp cereal around. Cookie Crisp wasn't an Irish person. Yeah, it was an Irish police officer. It was a bear. Guys, I'm a millennial. Wasn't Cookie Crisp a bear? No, Cookie Crisp had an Irish police officer. I think you're thinking of Lucky Charms.

Cookie Crisp. Oh, don't take me, Cookie Crisp. You're thinking of Miller's Crossing. Don't take me cookie crisp you're thinking of miller's crossing don't take me cookie crisp don't take me cookie crisp oh my yeah it was an irish fully like a stereotypical new york irish police officer yeah for cookie crisp and somebody was always trying to steal the cookie crisp sugared cereal robber was an irish cop i just remember when the cookie crisp. The mascot of Cookie Crisp sugared cereal was an Irish cop. I just remember when Cookie Crisp first came out is when I was a kid

and the slogan was you can't have cookies for breakfast now you can. Remember that shit? As a kid you were like, yes, today it changes. We're in charge now, mom. Sounds like kids rule.

Yeah. God, that must have been amazing, Karen. We're in charge now, Mom. Sounds like kids rule. Yeah. God, that must have been amazing, Karen. I was filled with electricity. It must have been amazing. One time Dave Attell was on The Sound of Young America a long, long time ago. This is probably the most impactful that any single statement on The Sound of Young America has ever had on me. This is probably the most impactful than any single statement on The Sound of Young America has ever had on me. We were in college and we asked Dave Attell what – if he could do – Insomniac was still on.

That's how long ago this was. We asked him if he could do Insomniac in any time period in history, what would he choose? You know, like night times or dinosaur times or whatever. And he thought about it for a minute. He went, well, I guess the 70s. Like the 70s? And he's like, yeah, you didn't have to wear a seatbelt and you could smoke wherever you wanted. So I guess what I'm saying is I wasn't around then.

Yes. But it sounds like a really magical world where kids rule, you don't have to wear a seatbelt, and you can smoke wherever you want. You could not only smoke wherever you wanted. I have very distinct memories of my mother pulling up to the gas station saying, $10 of ethyl or whatever the fuck, rolling the window up, and then lighting up a Benson and Hedges with me sitting next to her in the car. Well, and I certainly have memories of smoking in an airplane. Of not me smoking in an airplane, but of people smoking in an airplane. Yep. Willy nilly.

People smoking in airports willy nilly. Oh, yeah. Not in that one room. No, no, no. Everywhere. Everywhere. Just everywhere. The whole airport was that one room.

Yeah. Yeah. And definitely the I have children now and definitely the seatbelt thing. I mean, the kid, the chair, the car seat. Yeah. I mean, we didn't have that. Fuck no. You got thrown in.

You just got thrown in the back. You got thrown in the back and you slid around as your parents took a corner at 40. And it was great. And it was the best. And it was great the best and it was great it was super fun my best friend's dad would put us in the back of his pickup truck me and him in the back of his pickup truck in san francisco and dry and floor it and go up hills and off the top of the hill. So you'd get airborne. So that we would fly out of the pickup truck. This man was in his 40s.

Sure. He was an older father. But he knew how to live. And I bet you he was on acid. If you were in San Francisco, was it early 80s? I'm talking looking mid to late 80s. I'm going to put an 88 on it. Maybe he's on GHP.

Really? Is this how you date things? It's like carbon dating? I just tried to do the fastest drug. Whatever drug was going on at that time. Whatever would come out of my brain. But now I think it's illegal. It's actually illegal not to have a car seat now.

Yes. You have to have it. It's law. Yeah, absolutely. Are you still allowed to put your child and his best friend in the back of your pickup truck and fly off of things, streets of San Francisco style? Doubt it. You're probably not even allowed to paint over the letters in the tailgate so that it says yo instead of Toyota. No, you cannot do that anymore.

Yeah. Because it's disrespectful to Toyota. You know why? Why? Obama. cannot do that anymore. Yeah. Because it's disrespectful to Toyota. You know why? Why? Obama. Obamacare? Yeah. And they've done it again.

Obamacare destroyed the whole Toyota graffiti yo. Toy. Yo. Yoda. Yota. Yota. Oh, yo. We've lost so much.

Yes. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Hey, I'm Barbara Gray. I'm Brandi Posey. And I'm Tess Barker. Together, we make up the MaxFun Podcast Lady to Lady. Each week, we welcome a kick-ass lady guest.

We talk about our lives, our dreams, and the terrible decisions we've made that still haunt us. We've had on great comedians like Aisha Tyler and Margaret Cho, plus screenwriters, doctors, authors, you know, anyone who's willing to be as open as we are. It's all a lot of fun. That's us, Lady to Lady. Can you keep a secret?

Neither. either. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Karen Kogaroff, child empath. And I'm Michael Showalter, ghost.

You know, Michael Showalter, I sincerely really loved your movie, My Name is Doris. Oh, thanks. That was a really lovely film. I thought Sally Field was the perfect person to do it because she has both the, I think, you know, in a funny way, it's not unlike, not unlike Smoking the Bandit in that she is both sort of beautiful and glamorous. And the part of the premise of this film, roughly speaking, is that she is an older single woman who's maybe teetering on the edge of cat ladydom, who meets Max Greenfield's character and kind of falls for him. And Mm-hmm. is sort of beautiful and funny and cool enough to believably be someone that some young hipster people would kind of get into and think was really neat. And that was a really remarkable way to person to find to do that. She's really the only person that could do it.

Would you have just not made the movie if she had said no? That was the plan? Let's say she says no, but Julia Roberts says yes. She says, put me in some, give me a few prosthetic wrinkles and let's do this. Yes, that would have been fine. But no, if she had said no,

there's actually a very good chance we wouldn't have made the movie. Yeah, she really was built for that. And I won't give any spoilers away, but there is a part where there's like a photo shoot and as she was doing it i was just like oh yeah because she's still sally field you know what i mean like at the end of the day she can play mousy or she can play a little nutty or the you know eccentric lady or whatever but the you know it was it was just kind of heartening i

mean we went because we were like yeah i want to see how an old lady picks up on a young guy. I can get behind a movie like that. And then there was that part where it's just like, yeah, because – Because one day you'll be an old lady many years from now. It's very soon. Many decades from now. I need to start working on being able to wear Sally Field's nice pants though. Like she was basically in like an American apparel shoot.

She looks phenomenal. She is amazing looking. She looks phenomenal. Yeah. but she's real looking she's an old she is she the wrinkle you see the wrinkles you see the uh she's just amazing she's but but but in all honesty there were you know i feel like that the character of doris is about 10 different – there's a fragility there. There's a vulnerability there. There's an eccentricity there. But then there's also this like genuine sexuality and charisma and all these different things.

And we wanted her to actually be a woman of a certain age who can do the comedic range and the dramatic stuff. And I really do feel like if it hadn't been her, I don't know what we would have done. Because she really is the only person that has all of those, can do all of that stuff. Is she friends with Max Greenfield? Yes. Yeah. So she really has it all. Yes.

Hollywood legend. She's on his, he's on her. Comic chops. They text. Beautiful. They text. Can play the delicacy. She has what you chops. They text. Beautiful. They text. Can play the delicacy. She has what you want.

They text. The answer's yes. They're sending that text. Oh, God, would I love to get a text from that man. Just get a text. That can be arranged. It's a French schmick from television. It was also good that he wasn't a douchebag.

It wasn't like the classic situation. Or a dummy. Exactly. Or a dummy. Exactly. Or a dummy. That's also a very difficult role because he's not – he isn't the most brilliant person in the world. Right. You're talking about in real life? No, his character.

Characters. In real life, he is the most brilliant person. But he's not a dummy. He's not just a dumb hunk either. Right. Exactly. It's a very difficult role. Well, they're real people.

It felt like a real story. Yeah. You strike me as someone who sincerely loves the idea of romantic comedy. Yes. That's the genre that I loved growing up. Like as a teen? Yeah. What touched your life?

What movies? Yeah. I mean, the list goes on. I could go on forever. It ends in 1988, as I understand it. I mean, so, you know, there's so many of those, all those romantic comedies, Tootsie and, but I mean, there's so. I've never seen Tootsie. Are you fucking kidding me?

I should see Tootsie. Get out of this tiny room. I mean, the obvious ones, Tootsie and When Harry Met Sally and Annie Hall. I've never seen Tootsie. Are you fucking kidding me? I should see Tootsie. Get out of this tiny room. I mean, the obvious ones, Tootsie and When Harry Met Sally and Annie Hall. I've seen those. I loved the Hugh Grant movies, Four Weddings and a Funeral. I love Hugh Grant. He's the greatest. I loved all the Tom Hanks stuff.

Those were the movies that I loved. But I also loved silly Steve Martin movies but he has some great romantic comedies as well Roxanne is one of my favorite romantic comedies and The Jerk is a romantic comedy. Can I tell you something about how much Bernadette Peters they have the duet. It's a beautiful song.

How much I like Hugh Grant. I know I know. You belong to somebody else. But tonight. Tonight. You belong. You belong to me.

Sorry, I'm not sure where I am. Thank you. And then I pull out my trumpet. I met Bernadette Peters one time. What? That's a good one. I bet. Thank you. And then I pull out my trumpet. I met Bernadette Peters one time. That's a good one. I bet she's shiny. That's a really good one. I had seen the jerk

but had not remembered her from it or something. I don't know. I was like 16. And what I remember is it was when I was working. I used to work for the theaters that belonged to the city of San Francisco downtown so the Herbst Theater and the

Symphony Hall and she was doing like she was doing like a recital concert and I just remember just everyone in the entire Symphony Hall like all the union dudes just everyone

just were boning out so hard for like 72 hours beforehand. Like, oh, Bernadette Peters is going to be here. Bernadette Peters is going to be here. Like, will she talk to us? Can we touch her? Like these sort of like hardened dudes who all worked on like Clint Eastwood movies when they weren't working at the, they just, they were just like in tears at the prospect of laying eyes

upon Bernadette Peters. And I was like, I'm not sure who Bernadette Peters is. That was where I was at. But she also, she's like Aphrodite style, perfect in terms of what she looks like and her body and everything.

But then her fucking singing voice, like her in Into the Woods, she destroys. She's just like, she's like singing to the back wall doesn't need mics that combination is so rare it's like kind of like she's like the original christian genoa yeah in a lot of ways she's the original christian genoa i that was the worst uh that was not a good. They keep giving her sitcoms. I'm a fan of Bernadette Peters.

That came out bad. No, I got you. I'm with you. I'm with you. She was amazing. I'm with you. There's nothing in all of entertainment that to this day moves me as much as a good number in a musical. Yeah.

A good number in a Broadway musical to this day is the thing that floors me the most. What's number one all time, Mike? West Side Story. Number one and Chorus Line number two. Maybe not in that order. One time I saw a funny thing happen on the way to the forum. How's that? Where's that one in there?

With Whoopi Goldberg. That was a fart trombone. But I say that. My name is Doris. Hello, my name is Doris. Hello, my name is Doris. Hello, my name is Doris is in theaters now. Recommended by the committee of two.

That's me and Karen Kilgare. And Rotten Tomatoes. And Rotten Tomatoes. Oh, yeah. It's certified fresh. It's certified fresh. What about April Richardson? You went to see it with her.

Oh, yeah. Did she like it? AP loved it. Oh, good. Yes. We were very happy. It was that kind of thing where like you, I don't know if you ever feel this, but it's like I get nervous when I know people, when I go to see a thing that somebody I know makes.

I get very nervous. It's like you don't want to see. I am Michael Showalter. I've known this guy since I was a teen. I know, but I just had that feeling. I don't want to see him embarrass himself. I got dumped in his mother's car. You don't want to see that shit happening.

I got dumped in his mother's car. You don't want to see that shit happening. And so when you are in a full Arclight theater, it's on Friday evening and people are all like, hell yeah. It's just the best feeling. It's so nice. It's a delight. It's a delight. And of course, Karen Kilgareff, beloved guest on this program. That's me applauding.

Now a beloved guest host on this program. Right? I get to do this more, right? She hosts the show. Well, you're going to have to get rid of Jordan. Okay. Do you need a ride? She hosts the show.

Okay, sure. I'll do that. That's not a problem. Poisoning? She hosts the show Do You Need a Ride? with fellow beloved Jordan Jesse Go guest Chris Fairbanks, one of the funniest guys on earth. And then we have a new podcast, Georgia Hardstark and I. Really? From Georgia and Allie. That's interesting. And then we have a new podcast, Georgia Hardstark and I. Really?

From Georgia and Allie. That's interesting. So you've got a new podcast that was never mentioned to me when you were in the process of just a whole new not MaxFun podcast that I had no. My friend, Karen Kilgariff, has another podcast in some other podcast network. In her podcast network. Because she's the doer and I'm the one that goes along with people. Her podcast network can go suck a lemon as far as I'm concerned. It's called My Favorite Murder and we talk about murders that we love.

You know what? The two of you can stick it in your ears. You're no longer a beloved guest host. You're lucky if you continue to be a beloved guest. I still am. You're lucky if you continue to be a beloved guest. I still am. You're lucky if you ever get invited back here. You can't take it away from me. With your two-

Do you have guests on that show? No. It's just the two of us talking about- Oh, do you like murders? I love murders. Is it true? It's my favorite thing to do at night is watch murder. Okay, then if we did-

That's how I go to sleep every night is by watching murder. Like Discovery, Investigation Discovery. ID Discovery, all of it. Like discovery, investigation discovery. ID discovery. All of it. Forensic files. 2020, Dateline. 48 hours. Basically, ID network is my network.

I live on the ID network. If we did a live show, would you come and be a guest? Of course, of course, of course, of course. Now, you bitter man in the corner. Yeah. By the way. Could we loop you back in? Do You Need a Ride has guests on it. Did you know that?

It's a show where they pick up people at the airport or take them to a comedy show they're doing. That's right. Anyway, I just mentioned that it has guests on it because, Karen, how many times would you say that you've been a guest on my show? Like at least 25. Like my different shows. Because I've invited you on my NPR show. You've been featured on my NPR show a few times.

You have. National Public Radio. You've kind of made me. And then you've probably been on Jordan and Jessica what six? Easily six. Eight times.

It's definitely a high number. Yeah. Anyway, I don't mention that for any particular reason. Do you need a ride? Her show does have guests on it. And she's been a guest

on my show a lot of times. And so have you been a guest on hers? No. Look, I'm not here to complain about what shows I have and haven't been a guest on. Obviously, I'm doing great. I was on History Channel's Christmas Through the Decades. With potentially Eve Plum. So I'm not sweating.

But we still aren't sure. No, we confirmed that it was the youngest Brady. Oh, that's Sandy. No, we never said that. Yeah, Brian. Yeah, you never that. You said that she was in her 60s. Yeah. She appeared to be in her 60s. It might have just been that her spirit was broken.

You're going to be on Do You Need a Ride and we're going to pick you up from this building and drive you around the block ten times. I want to be on the murder show. Okay. That's great. I'll just listen. I don't even have to say anything. I'll just listen. I don't even have to say anything. I'll just listen. Awesome.

Our producer is Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. Woo! Jordan will be back next week. He's taking a quick breather. We'll see. If you want to talk about this show, MaximumFun.reddit.com or join the Maximum Fun group on Facebook. Tweet about it with the hashtag JJGo and call us 206-984-4FUN.

We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, Go. Thank you.