Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 427: The Triple Crab with Jensen Karp

Episode Date: May 9, 2016

Writer and former rapper Jensen Karp joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Jordan's nighttime cat issues, the internet subculture of ruining shoes, and Jensen's friendship with Kanye West before he was famous.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. How are you, friend? I'm, uh, well, I'm, uh, I'm having a little trouble sleeping these days. Really? Are you an insomniac or a non-somniac? Uh, oh, I didn't know, I didn't know a non-somniac

was a thing. Yeah. My dad's neighbor slash his neighbor dad buddy, Beto, claimed to be a non-somniac. Someone who does not sleep at all. Exactly. So his claim was not that he did not sleep at all, but rather someone who when they didn't sleep, it was because they did not require sleep. Okay. So I think he slept, he said he slept like three or four hours a night. Okay. And that was all he needed. All right.

That seems like an exaggeration though, calling yourself a non-somniac because you sleep. Three or four hours a night. Yeah, like half as much as you're supposed to. So you think that the rule should be only if you are a non-sleeper? I would say under two hours. Under two? Under two. What if you're doing that Benjamin Franklin thing where you sleep for 20 minutes every four hours or whatever?

If within 24 hours you sleep less than two hours, then you can say you have a disorder or whatever. Okay. But if you're just a guy who doesn't sleep that – I don't know. Do you have to use like a speed chess clock? Ideally. I mean that's my favorite way to keep time. Sure. Well, it's certainly –

Bam, you know, bam. Yeah, it's my favorite way to punctuate the editing rhythm of a film about a troubled urban youth. Mm-hmm. What kind of- There's almost a musicality to it. You know, like the music of the streets. Boo-boo-bap. Boo-boo-bap.

Boo-boo-bap. Boo-boo-bap. You know. When you're a jet, you're a jet. Yeah. Here comes a Puerto Rican. Sausages for sale. Hey.

Tell your mom I said hi. Bell peppers. Bell peppers. Bell peppers. I peppers, bell peppers. I'm walking over here. Yeah, exactly. I know about the rhythm of the streets. Okay, anyway.

You heard my scat. What were we talking about? We were talking about your trouble sleeping. Okay, so listen. I'm kind of a broken record on the show lately. I have a lot of cat stories. Right. And I know people do not like them.

What? What are you talking about, Jordan? I'm kidding. I know that they like them. Oh. Because they're little podcast wieners. Why did you say- And they love stories about cats.

Why did you say that people didn't like them? Because I was- That's the opposite of what you meant. Oh, I was doing opposite speak. Oh, opposite speak. I learned it on the streets. Boo-boo bap, boo-boo bap. Like Jonathan Swift?

Bus stop, bus stop. The legendary opposite writer? Mm-hmm. Got it. Having some cat issues. Yeah. Cat has become very active at night. Oh.

Like a raccoon? Yes, exactly. She's washing her food in a stream, which is weird because there was not a stream in my house before. Right. So I think what has happened- Did she bring in some workmen? Yeah. There's a stream there.

I don't know how it got there. Uh-huh. Is it bucolic at all? Yeah, but it's kind of nice. I mean, it babbles like a brook. Oh, that's nice. So that's relaxing. That's an upgrade.

If you get a stream that babbles, that means you got a premium stream because that comes standard with a brook. Yeah. But you got to pay extra to get that with a stream. Listen, I'm going to be honest with you. This story is going to go on for another 45 minutes. Really? So do we want to introduce our guest? I don't know what his pet situation is like, but maybe he'll have something to offer.

Or how his sleep's doing. Yeah. I don't know either of those things. Yeah. You know him as a celebrated podcaster, gallerist, and a not celebrated rapper. Now a celebrated memoirist on the topic of his rap failures. Jensen Karp. That was a great intro.

Thank you very much. I freestyled it. I appreciate it. I speak the rhythm of the streets. Boop bop, boop bop, subway, subway. I for sure have cat issues, but I've gotten over them and I think I can help. Okay. Do you want to give us a little primer? I have a dog and a cat.

Okay. The cat had behavioral issues for about six months. Nighttime, but also just crabby and mean, and was a great cat before that. Sure. But just all of a sudden flipped. Yes. Yes. Like feral. Like watch that TV show, Cat from Hell.

Uh-huh. DVR'd it because I was having trouble. That's like how deep it got. Yeah, like it's not, I wasn't playing around. So you had a cat. What kind of, wait – no, hold on. What are the symptoms? Disrespect to teachers?

Yeah, disrespect to teachers. Talking back to elders? Cursing. No, you know, like attacking the dog or not being – like actually sort of scratching at me. I had never heard him hiss before. And then this all started to just come out of nowhere. And so I went to a vet because the cat had had surgery. Has your cat had anything?

No, she's not had – no, she's not been to the vet recently. Okay. My cat had had teeth surgery. Nothing crazy, but had a couple teeth removed. And the vet was like, he's mad at you for the surgery. Sure. And so he's like, but you got to – He misses those choppers.

Yeah. He misses them and is mad at me for taking them. I'm the bad- It's harder to eat taffy now. Yeah, I'm like, I'm the anti-tooth fairy. Okay. And I left shit under his pillow.

And so I got one of the streamer toys and treats and they just gave me like a three or four sort of tiered project to do. I did all of them and my cat is very happy. You gotta tire him out.

Oh, yeah. You gotta tucker him. You gotta make him tire like a baby. Do they have to be semi-tuckered or plumb-tuckered? I think plumb. I'm semi. I think you're just going half-assed. Okay, so you... This is probably kind of what I'm going through right now. Yeah, similar. Scooting around

the house. Doing a lot of scooting around around 2 a.m. So scooting, you're talking about a booty dragging situation? No, no. This is like dashing. Oh, dashing. Yeah.

Because I did think booty dragging too. Yeah, that's what scooting means. Yeah. Oh, no, no. This is not. I don't think she's trying to.

Like a two-legged crew dancer. No, I don't think that's happening. I don't think she's trying to remove worms from her anus. Right. I think it's just a.

As a two-legged crew dancer would. Sure, for instance just as a well you know they shouldn't eat food off the ground they shouldn't eat food off the ground uncle luke just travels from one side of miami to the other yeah hates catering seeking seeking uh buxom women who are having problems with worms in their. Good at twerking and loose bowels. That's the classified ad he puts up. Ideally. So, yeah, there's a lot of just scampering. I'll just wake up because there's a pitter-patter. Any knocking off table?

You know, oh, yeah, she's a big table knocker offer. It's a rough one. I'm trying to keep things off the tables that could potentially get knocked off. With regard to the pitter-patter, what size are her feet? You know, standard cat size. Okay. So not tiny? Yeah.

Well, these are little fuzzies. Got it. Yeah. Got it. Little fuzzies. Sure. Little cat. Do you know the size Jordans your cat wears?

No, but yeah. I think maybe that's why she's so hyper is because she spends all day sitting in a lawn chair on fairfax like a streetwear kid yeah yeah that's her okay yeah can i tell you something so i think when she gets home she's like oh i got these new jordans but i've been sitting in a fucking lawn chair all day totally i want to i want to continue to address the bug situation here that's your cat's name yeah but real quickly with regard to size of jordan's it reminded me i have a friend who's a sneaker enthusiast sure uh and he recently broke his foot uh but he's like a he's like a semi-professional sneaker enthusiast so he's always going to these

sneaker cons oh yeah yeah you know these sneaker events and he's a grown adult like this is a man in his how old is he mid 40s i'm gonna say but he's at the sneaker con tokyo he's a grown adult. Yeah. This is a man in his – how old is he? Mid-40s, I'm going to say. But he's at the Sneaker Con Tokyo. He's at the Sneaker Con London. Hosted by Clark Kent. Yeah. It's the same event over and over. Mark the 45 King is there.

He was posting pictures on Instagram of something that I found so spectacularly amazing, which is he went to the sneaker cons wearing one Air Jordan on his foot and two infant-sized matching Air Jordans on his crutches. Wow. Yeah. That is really great. Wow. I mean, that's as good as it gets, right? Yeah. That's commitment to being sneaker guy. Yeah.

Okay. So back to Bud. You know, I have a sneaker thought. Okay. You know, while we're in this zone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I, you know, a struggle that I have is trying to keep the amount of nerd shit I have to a respectable level. Vinyl figurines.

You know, that's never been a thing that I've wanted, but stuff like that. Video game clamshells? Yeah, yeah, exactly. So, you know, just like, eh, you know, like some is fine. And, you know, obviously there's handsome nerd stuff. What are you hiding? What is it that you're thinking right now? Like, what is the thing you're most nervous about on the internet?

Nerd stuff, are you specifically referring to pictures of our friend chris hardwick yes yeah pictures of chris hardwick kissing will wheaton got it you know handsome nerd stuff yeah uh i have the one copy of that uh anyway uh i saw they uh there are some there are some new vans coming out with 8-bit Zelda shit on them. Yeah. And that, boy, I realize how my fuckability will plummet if I get those. Oh, but I want them. Yeah. I don't know why I want them. I love vans, and I love old Zelda, so I'm having a, I don't know. Jordan, you don't have to explain this to me.

If there was a new pair of Nike Air Jordans that had baseball stars themed stuff on it, I would be there. I would buy it. I don't think I'm going to buy them. But I will look at the website that has them on them. I had the Milhouse ones. What are the Milhouse ones? They had Milhouse drawn on them. I had a poo ones.

I bought all the Simpsons ones. That just had a poo drawn on it? Yeah, over and over. Like an all over a poo. Wait, these are V he was i thought you were going to fist bump me jesse which i know is not your brand i know it's not your brand but here's what i want but here's what i want to say about a marketing consultant you know i know for sure and what i was going to say is i was so happy that you were with me and then to look up and realize number one jesse doesn't fist bump which would make sense for who he is sure but also that he's not doing it right i felt the pain that you're going through about

the Zeldas. Yeah. Like, you're not going to get any fist bumps for him, and I understand that now. Zero fist bumps. Yeah. Anyway. I can understand why you would want those Zeldas. Yeah.

I understand that completely, because I rarely do I see you out of vans. I'm going to put it at 60% vans is your lifestyle. It has been since I've known you. It's a classic simple sneaker. Sure. There's no doubt about that. Yeah. It honors your Southern California heritage.

And of course, you love to do kickflips. Sure, yeah. And you love California games. Yeah, I do love California. Hacky Sack and Sursby. Yeah. Hard, frustrating surfing. Are you talking about the video game?

Yes, I was. And that is the hardest part of that entire game. Oh, that surfing is so hard. Same as TNC Surf. Yeah. Man. Hard, frustrating surfing. Are you talking about the video game? Yes, I was. And that is the hardest part of that entire game. Oh, that surfing is so hard. Same as TNC Surf. Yeah. Same problem. Skateboarding, elegant. Elegant.

Surfing, nonsense. No. There's no- Frustration. What do you do? I don't know what you do. Same thing as landing in Top Gun. Yeah.

Oh, sure. Yeah. I didn't know that either. Also, what- Yeah. If there was a pair of Deodoras right now that I could buy that were Klax themed. Oh, wow. Klax for the Atari Lynx.

Right. That my rich friend in middle school gave to me because he didn't use it. Right. Maybe they'll just be a secret thing. Maybe I'll get the vans and just put them somewhere in the house, like up on a shelf. Like I'll have a shelf for, you know, the sex stuff. And then a shelf behind that shelf for the stuff that is more embarrassing. Right.

How about this, Jordan? Yeah. And I do want to get back to Bug here. Sure. I don't know if you have a cum dumpster in your life right now. But maybe that's where I put them? Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Okay. I mean, it's just a fun idea I had. It's possible. Just tape them under the cum dumpster. No, use them as a cum dumpster. Oh, cum in them. Yeah.

There are... Have I... It shouldn't be too hard. I mean, every time you look at them, you'll probably be, you know... Close to jizzing? Sure, yeah. Yeah. I was going to say, yes, pre-jizzing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. We have talked about those videos before of the guys who unwrap the New Jordans and then piss on them, haven't we? Wait, what? Sorry. Hold on. Number one. Excuse me?

The microphone was just thrown down. For you to even mimic that you've talked about it before? I swear to God we've talked about this on the podcast. We've talked about the religious Sonic the Hedgehog fan art and guys pissing their New Jordans. Do you know why I know you've never talked about it? Because I didn't see it on CNN about you talking about it. And I know that's where it would have ended up. Because that's a crazy thing.

So they buy them. They spend all that money on them. So here's how the videos will go. Okay. They start out like an unboxing video. Sure. Jordan, don't worry. My microphone is set up again.

Oh, good. You may continue. You toppled it over. Wait until this story's on, though. I'm positive we talked about this before. No. There's a... We talked about my friend Dallas who had the tiny Jordans to go with his one big Jordan.

Yeah. We talked about that. Anyway, well, you know, this will be nice because I think Jensen is kind of adjacent to this role and I'd like to get his reaction. Into the Nike pissing world? Yes, exactly. We'll just piss play. Okay, piss play. Yes, yes, yes. I don't know what you like. Sorry, sorry. Just know that you're a man? Yes, exactly. We'll just piss play. Okay, piss play.

Yes, yes, yes. I don't know what you like. Sorry, sorry. Just know that you're a man who likes hot jets. Love it. Golden showers. Yeah, love it. Love it.

I like a hot jet. Yep. So it'll start out like an unboxing video of a man unboxing these sneakers and showing them to the camera and talking about them. Well, I'm in already. I'm in. Okay. And then he will put them on, and he will piss himself.

What the fuck? And then the piss will dribble down into the sneakers, and he'll slosh around in them. He'll do little stomps so you can hear the pee squishing around in the Jordans. What the fuck? And then that's it. And then someone somewhere is masturbating for some reason. That is such a specific. Yes. some reason that is such a specific yes because you're looking at a market of urban homosexual

piss enthusiast wow yeah i mean i don't think it's ladies masturbating to these videos right yeah but i don't know if the man yeah no you're okay you're right you're using the same thought that i have about phone sex which is like oh it's definitely a girl on the other line, not a dude with a very girly voice. It's probably a dude with a very girly voice. Could be a dude with a – so you're saying that the purveyors of these Michael Jordan brand sneaker urine videos. That's – yes. Splish splash videos they're called. Yes. Yep.

Splish splash videos. Yes. Yep. Are traveling the world looking for gentlemen of dainty foot. Wait, no. Ladies of husky foot. Yes. Right.

Right. Yes. Does he ever show his face? In the ones I've watched, in the nine or ten dozen that I've watched uh you don't see the guy's face i once you don't see his dong i mean it's on youtube what if it's clarence thomas just pans up one day and it's just supreme court justice and he just goes don't tell it's just i love this i love peepee in my shoes and it cuts out and I think there are other adjacent videos of people like ruining nice clothes

like putting on a suit and then getting in a bathtub because I think it's about degrading it's not about the urban Jordan it's about degrading something that's expensive yeah I mean I think so what are they like dope Jordans I couldn't tell you

what colorway is it were they the supreme i don't remember the jordans i just remember the piss dribbling into them tell me more talk slower i know well some hot jets like you like i accidentally watched a shoe fetish video a couple years ago that was for a a slightly different form of what we're talking about, which is I was searching online for the Jordans of the fancy lad set, which is a type of shoes called opera pumps, which are like a shoe you wear with black tie that are slip ons with a little bow on it. Okay. Chicks love them when dudes wear them. And so I was looking for that.

I was looking for particular ones online. I can't remember. I was trying to figure out how they ran size-wise or something. I was going to bid on them on eBay or something. And there was a video on YouTube of a middle-aged man and some kind of mid-tier, lower-tier sports car, like a Camaro or a Mustang or something. Okay.

And it was called a heel-slipping video. And it came up because it said, like, you know, Polo Ralph Lauren Opera Pumps heel-slipping. And it was just him, like, sitting in the car, getting into the car, sitting on the hood of the car, and kind of slipping the heel of his shoe in and out. There's slip on shoes. And it genuinely took me 30 seconds to realize that I was supposed to be masturbating.

And even then it was hard. I'm heterosexual and I'm into it. But I did it. Yeah. And I did what I had to do. Well, you had to for research. Yeah. The detail of telling us that it was a muscle American car honestly made it creepier. I'm happy you said it because I would have thought it was a nice sports car.

But since you said it was a Camaro or Mustang, it's so much creepier. Some heel slipping. Yeah. Wait. So, okay. Have we done all the shoe stuff? Yeah. We talked about the shoe stuff

It's covered. It should be addressed that purely coincidentally I am wearing Jordans today Jordans that I've not worn for several years Mine are doused in piss Is that what that is? Is that what that musk is? Your piss smells lovely by the way

That's why I do the videos I've been using mine as a cum dumpster Oh, good Put it up on the shelf. Thank you. That's why I do the videos. I've been using mine as a cum dumpster. Oh, good. Good. Put it up on the shelf. Thank you, thank you, thank you. So it's cat issues. Yeah.

Cat's scooting around. Insomnia, not non-somnia, just to summarize for the listener. Scooting around. And now she'll just, at a certain point, start vocalizing. Yeah. Just vocalizing. Now what are we talking about? Like the tip of the tongue, the teeth, and the lips.

The tip of the tongue, the teeth, and the lips. Well, if I was to put it in song, I would say that she's working on her night muse. That's all I came to the podcast with today. That's pretty great. I'm glad we've got this much out of it because that's all I was planning the podcast with today. That's pretty great. I'm glad we've got this much out of it because that's all I was planning. Pretty good lead in. But no, there'll just be, at the time during that, there'll just come some, Meow.

Meow. Yeah. Meow. Is she a Maoist? She is and she's doing calisthenics too. She's more of a Marxist-Leninist. Well, yeah, so I don't know. Jensen, you were saying that you, this

Very similar. Similar problem. Yeah, I started tiring my cat out. I had to put 20 to 30 minutes aside to do exercises with the streamer toy, you know that one. Yeah, yeah. And then also a little bit of just playing. Sure. Yeah, and that slows it down. Okay. What kind of exercises?

Literally, you just put the streamer toy above the cat and then let them pat. It's their favorite toy in the world. It's tiring because you have to put your arm out the whole time. Sure. And then you just mess around. And that's the way the cat works out that aggression also. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. I'm going to start doing that. I'm going to start blocking out some time in the day for tuckering out. And also DVR my cat from hell. I'm not kidding. It sounds like a dumb joke to throw out, but it actually sort of helped me. I mean, I've watched a few episodes of this show. This is a show where a-

A rockabilly weirdo. A guy who aspires to Guy Fieri. Yeah, yeah. A man who- He brings a guitar case filled with cat toys to your house. That's a real thing, not a thing I just made up. Yeah. This is, I mean, your classic reality show fat guy with a rock and roll attitude.

Yeah. It's like if the dude from Smash Mouth didn't have a hit. Ever. Like, not even one. And anyway- Yeah, and he shows up to your house and he helps your cat. So he shows up to your house and then he helps your mean cat. Yes.

And he makes it less mean. Uh-huh. He does great. Did you guys see what happened when Smash Mouth endorsed Hillary Clinton on Twitter? No. No. So Smash Mouth endorsed Hillary Clinton on Twitter. Smash Mouth collectively?

Or the guy from Smash Mouth? I mean, it was from the Smash Mouth Twitter account. Okay. And I do not know- What pronoun they used? Or I don't know how much of Smash Mouth is the original band. I am endorsed Hillary Clinton I just thought of how sad it would be to be Smash Mouth's

social media manager that's such a fucking bum out I can't imagine that's not a guy who's not in Smash Mouth there's not a separate guy for that the job interview is just questions about how many state fairs you can identify if you smell a churro we're playing

how many funnel fairs you can identify. If you smell a churro, we're playing. How many funnel cakes can you carry? Backstage. We go on right after Prairie Home Companion. Oh, man. They fucking wish. These guys are going after the monsters of motocross. That's true.

Yeah, Papa Roach is their lead-in. The Prairie Homeion Smash Mouth double bill that you just came up with Jensen. It's pretty good. Wow. I feel like committing suicide just thinking about it. I think it sounds like a lovely evening.

Well they're all Hillary Clinton supporters. Right. They endorsed Hillary Clinton and the little Bernie wieners got on him. I'm not making a judgment

call on Bernie Sanders who I think is a lovely man. These people were wieners. These people were wieners. But there's this I'm talking about a kind call on Bernie Sanders, who I think is a lovely man. These people were weeners. But I'm talking about a kind of guy. Yeah, there's a type of guy. Yeah. He wants to tell you about things.

He absolutely wants to tell you about things. But so they started to attack Smash Mouth on Twitter. And, you know, one of them said something like, you know, fuck you guys. You wouldn't even have a hit song if it wasn't for Shrek. And the Smash Mouth own to this kid was, jokes on you, we've had two hits and one of them wasn't even in Shrek. It's like the greatest exchange. That's really funny. Yeah. It's like, fuck you. That's really funny. Yeah, it's like, fuck you.

We have had a hit song that Shrek had nothing to do with. Because All Star is not a Shrek song. I think All Star is the Shrek song. I think the one they were probably talking about is Walking on the Sun. They did a cover for Shrek. I'm looking this up. Okay. Go on.

Talk on about cat behavior. Yeah. So I don't know I really and that to me actually may be pointed to there is no social media manager but a guy from Smash Mouth

runs this himself oh that's such a bummer that's like Blues Traveler that John Popper gets in fights with people on Twitter

oh yeah because he searches his own name yes John Popper has a Google alert for himself and if a comedian will make a joke that involves the phrase blues traveler, he'll get at you.

Like big time. Not even if you don't even have to at him. Yeah. He just has the Google alert if you mention him. And you got to be careful, because he's got those bandoliers. Sure, yeah. What could happen? Yeah.

They have two songs, and I think they have songs in both tracks. Okay. And one of them is All Star and the other one is a I just can't find out what cover it is but the other one is a cover

okay do they have a song in Puss in Boots no they got rid of them for that yeah they're like

finally an opening they're like guys we finally we finally got LFO you know what did come up when I did type in Smash Mouth cover which is by far

a sadder result listen to Smash Mouth cover under pressure in memory of David Bowie. You know what? I will say this. Oh, no. I will say this. Oh, no.

When that happened, it was the target of all of the internet hate. Sure. Couldn't have been more poorly timed. You know, one of the internet's favorite targets, you know, gets out there and does something that's, you know, maybe the internet's favorite targets you know gets out there and does something that's you know maybe a little too soon song's not that bad oh come on it's not you know it's not good brian is loading it up for us right now it's a pretty did you like

it's by the numbers there's no surprises they just do the song they don't incorporate the vanilla ice verse no vanilla ice is not involved were you a fan of limp biscuits fame they covered fame oh no a while back way pre-death but it's like them and everlast doing fame limp biscuit or dead well to me yeah take that limp biscuit fuck you doesn't fuck Hey, they get hit pretty hard in my book, just to be honest with you. Front Dress does not get it good. Hold on. Yeah, I worked with them a lot, unfortunately.

We mentioned your memoir. Yeah, that's the book. Do you want to... Yeah, let's save this for the next segment. Okay, sure. Are we going to listen to the Smash Mouth song? Yeah, of course we're going to listen to the Smash Mouth song. It's by The Numbers.

Please. It's by The Numbers. Yeah, I mean, so far, they're just playing the song. Yeah, but it has a little bit of a Jimmy Buffett vibe to it. It's not good. I didn't say it was good. I'm just saying that I think it got face-fucked by everyone for being this awful, sacrilegious thing.

When I think these guys are just playing the song, I think they genuinely like it. You know. Dude's a bad singer. He's a terrible singer. I mean, he's not even technically a singer. What's weird about it is they have, all they've done with the entire song is just add a little bit of smash mouthy, like, guitar chorusing.

Like, just, there's a little, there's a few extra guitar tracks or something. You know, whatever it is that gives those smash Mouth guitars the guitar sound of Smash Mouth. Special pedal. But only like 10% of that, and plus the guy's a shitty singer. Like, that's the difference between, they don't have a take on the song. Right. Other than, what if we did that song, but with less good of singing? Sure.

It's like when Cheesecake Factory makes Chinese food. Right. You know what I mean? It's like, sure, you tried. I'm proud of you you did exactly what we do but you we all make it diarrhea yeah you put your cpk shit in it and that makes it bad yeah um yeah no i think yeah i think but from the way people were attacking it you would think that there was a rap or a reggae verse or something right which i think would would tip it over into audacious, you know, that obnoxious zone that they have inhabited before. Anyway.

I think Smash Mouth probably have a reggae album, right? Oh, my God. I mean, I think their rock is probably reggae tinged. Like a reggae tinged rock sound? Yeah. I think they kind of are in that space with 311 and Sublime. They usually headline reggae sun splash, right? Yeah, right. Or the 311 and Sublime. They usually headline Reggae Sunsplash, right?

Yeah, right. Or the 311 cruise. Or Peter Tosh. Yeah, and all the illegitimate Marley children. And Dan Marley from the Phoenix Suns. And, of course, the deer departed Marley and me. Yeah, exactly. Right, right, right. Now I'm just imagining.

Now all I can think about is like a college rock band, like OAR or something like that. Yeah, of a revolution, sure. But it's like Dan Marley, Mark Price. Craig Elo. Craig Elo. And Brad Daugherty. Brad Daugherty on the stand-up bass. We'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go new to maximum fun the beef and dairy network podcast the number one podcast for those involved

or just interested in the production of beef animals and dairy herds. All sponsored by Grazex, the latest grass replacement pellet from Mitchell's. If it's not Mitchell's, get back in the truck. Find us at MaximumFun.org or on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts from. And if it's not clear, this is a comedy

podcast. Beef out. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, the voice of the millennial generation. Jordan Mortz, boy detective. Jensen Karp, the Jewish Jay-Z. You don't like it? You wouldn't just say Jew-Z? No, I wouldn't. Why wouldn't you?

Well, because here's the thing. I give respect enough to Jay-Z to say, I'm the version of you. I don't need to switch it. Oh. Because if I was going to go regular name for Jew, it's Beanie Siegel. Have you met? That's just a Jewish name. Yeah, that's not. Have youull have you met that's just a jewish name yeah that's not have you met a jewish beyonce uh well would that be juance i don't know i mean you're this

is your this is your deal i was i was in favor of jewish beyonce is technically barbra streisand okay just if you're going by math sure yeah and i am then that's what nothing but mathematical sure yeah that's what it is then i'm interested that you're claiming the Jew-wrapped throne. I do. It's me and Barman, and I don't think that they're – Are any of the Beastie Boys Jewish? No, I – yes. I don't – well, Search is – like, Search decides when he wants to be Jewish.

So let's put that in a category of its own. MC Search. MC Search is Jewish sometimes, and sometimes he's not Jewish. Depends on the interview. The Beastie Boys, I – Hey, depends on if there's a McRib at stake. Am I right, guys? of you the beastie boys i hey uh depends on if there's a mcrib at stake am i right guys uh my thing is uh for the beastie boys i'm the biggest fan they're top three inspiration for me but i do not put them as straight rappers i i put them as guys gay rappers no yeah i put them as homosexual

rappers this is a very big uh breakout for me here in this podcast um i just don't there's some real stories in this book. It's a pretty juicy memoir. I don't think I just put them in a different category. They were with Rick Rubin doing punk rock and then they were influenced by the hip hop stuff and were sort of always a hybrid to me. But always the best of the hybrids

but as far as straight hip hop there are not many of us. Yeah, you probably are better at rapping than they are. I think, I feel they weren't rappers but that's not a diss at all. You know what? I really like this theory. It's true. I've been known once every three years.

I forget that everyone likes the Beastie Boys besides me. You don't like them at all? I like some of their music videos are fun. Right. That's a Spike Jonones fan yeah and i like i mean like i like uh sabotage that's fun song you like ill communication i bet i like that i like the one where i like the one where they go intergalactic planetary and the robots are fighting that happened that was fun um I hate it when they rap. And that's because they're not rappers.

Yeah. This gives me a whole new vista on the Beastie Boys because all I feel like is it's little babies yelling at me. But now that I think of them as just a creative vocalist. That's what they were. Like the guy from Faith No More. Exactly. Very similar.

Patton. Mike Patton, very similar Patton Mike Patton right yeah Mike Patton very similar I would say it's a similar bit yeah because I think the songs that I like the most are the least

rap centric ones sure I like the kind of fun sounds they make you didn't like Check Your Head I don't like basically anything

I think I just listed all the things about the Beastie Boys that I like that's it because my shit was paul's boutique i also as a kid you loved license i loved license ill because it was just like noise but as i grew up i i only really have strong strong appreciation like wow this is a classic record about paul's boutique i think i didn't even i didn't we're not going to get into a huge rap thing i promise we're going to talk about Jensen's rap career. I received Paul's Boutique as a gift

for, I think, my 12th birthday. That's a great gift. Did you hang out with only Pitchfork critics? This is from Mike Nguyen. All right. He's a lovely guy.

Mike, if you're out there, get in touch. Thank you for the Beastie Boys album. He's very credible. Yeah. This is from Jordan's high school friend,

DJ Shadow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kid Koala, my friend from middle school. I think I did not like the – I was completely not exposed to the Beastie Boys as a kid. Like I'm a little bit too young to have enjoyed them in their first round of celebrity. And they didn't become beloved icons until I was in my late teens. And by then, the sound of their voice was too annoying to me.

And listen, I totally understand what you're saying. I do believe them to be pioneers. But I also believe them to be pioneers with Rick Rubin. I don't think it was like them alone. They weren't a rap group to me. Okay. I liked it. As I said, this makes me feel a lot better about the Beastie Boys overall.

The whole idea of it is a ton of fun to me. Third base were my dudes. And I support it. I support it all the way. Yeah. But let's talk about, Jensen, your rap career. Yes. Because you have a new book out that's called Kanye West Owes Me $300.

Yes. That is my book. Colin, something else. And other true stories from a white rapper who almost made it big. So you were, when I met you the first time, some years ago, later someone informed me

about your rap career and I remembered a song that you had in, I want to say, a basketball video game that I had. In NBA Live 2003. Yeah, there you go.

I had a song called Blow produced by DJ Clue. Yeah. So I may still be playing NBA Live 2003. I have a tendency to play whatever sports video game I can get for 99 cents. Yes. Well, technically, I won platinum on that.

Really? Wow. Because they sold like 2 million copies of the video game. Is that? And the video game came with a CD. So the CD got a plaque. Oh, shit. Yeah, because it's the only video game that EA put out with a CD.

So kids that were like 11 years old, that's my wheelhouse. Like they know everything I've done because that's one of their first CDs ever. And by everything you've done, you mean that one song. Yeah, that song. What else is on there? There's a Busta Rhymes song. There's a lot of big people. Fabulous has a song on it.

A guy named B. Rich has a song on it from Baltimore. And there's just a bunch of different rap people. Snoop has a song on it. A guy named B Rich has a song on it from Baltimore. And there's just a bunch of different rap people. Snoop has a song on it. Just Blaze, I think, did a couple instrumentals. Yeah, it was a great one. I feel like Just Blaze doing instrumentals was a big selling point, like scored by Just Blaze. Yeah. It was just like three Just Blaze beats.

Yeah, me and him were consultants for EA together. And they just kept bringing him in for like NBA Street and whatever thing they could get from him. Because he's also a video game nerd, so he would just show up and he'd be excited to do it. Just Blaze, by the way, currently makes all of his – legendary hip-hop producer Just Blaze. The architect, along with Kanye West, of many of the great hit records of the early 2000s. West of the many of the great hit records of the early 2000s. Apparently just makes almost all of his living now DJing European EDM festivals. Yeah, he's an EDM guy.

I think the punk slash metal analog of this is I think there are bands who are touring now based on having had a song in a Tony Hawk game. Oh, yeah? Like there are bands who can fill up a couple of dates a year from people who knew them from the Tony Hawk games. I think that's real because I feel like about once every three months, I go to watch a rap video on YouTube that I remember from my childhood, and it'll be like, it'll be like, uh, uh, like game recognized game by JT,

the bigger figure. I know the figure he's. Yeah, that's a good one. Or like, um, or like a hieroglyphic song. Sure. That are from when I was in high school.

And those always showed up in Tony Hawk. And every comment is about, yeah, is just, uh, 24 year olds reminiscing about playing Tony Hawk as teenagers

Ozo Motley I think Ozo Motley oh yeah an Ozo Motley song that is a good one Ozo Motley does the Hollywood Bull because of Tony Hawk

yeah yeah I think that's the reason why like Goldfinger still plays three times a year it's because they had the one song in Tony Hawk yeah

I interviewed Ozo Motley once at KCSC our college radio station. They couldn't have been lovelier dudes. Was Charlie Tuna in this interview? No, this was post-Charlie Tuna. Sure. And it was, but immediately post-Charlie Tuna.

For a couple weeks. And I still could like sing their station ID they recorded for us which was there was like four different dudes this big band and they all went we are Ozo Motley and then one of the guys said

you are listening to and then another guy went blaze it up KCSC Santa Cruz fuck yeah yeah Ozo Motley's fun

if somebody somebody wants me to go to the Ozo Motley show with him I'm fucking in. That's a blast. That first record's great. Yeah.

Love that record. Great record. Yeah. You have a Fred Durst thing. Yeah. Well, the elevator pitch of my career was that I had always loved rap, always been good at battling. I was always pretty much my city's best battler, which isn't saying much.

But in the Valley, I pretty much decimated anyone who thought they could battle. And then I took it on to LA. Just when all the kids would gather outside the big boy yeah yeah that was exactly where it happened exactly how it went down okay uh you are you telling me you even beat drew carrey i did i destroyed drew carrey wow uh and so i would uh i entered a radio contest here in los angeles called the roll call which is regional here in la and new york uh was originated here in la Angeles called The Roll Call, which is regional here in L.A. and New York. It was originated here in L.A. by the Baker Boys, who are a foundation in urban radio. And before me, the only champion had ever won 10 days in a row. And you battle against three or four people a day over the phone.

You don't know what they look like. You have to come up with punchlines. Some are freestyle. Some are written. And I won 46 days, which is nuts. And so I pretty much had to start getting paid as a radio personality. I started to look like Paola, so they had to work it out. How old were you at this point?

I was 19. I was going to USC. And I was an intern on the Flintstones 2 movie. You may have seen it, Viva Rock Vegas. Oh, it's absolutely my favorite Flintstones movie. The best. You can see that I'm- It's really underrated.

It's the babe pig in the city of Flintstones. You can see I was- I really like- I mean, it's just so far and away better than Flintstones 1. It's the Gremlins 2. I was about to say, I like they gave it a satirical edge, sort of like Gremlins 2. We're commenting on.

Wait, that was the one that didn't have the original cast, right? Correct. We had Mark Addy as Fred Flintstone. We had Jane Krakowski as Betty Rubble. Okay. And then we had a Baldwin. We had Stephen Baldwin as Barney. Okay. And then I, oh, Kristen Johnson was our Wilma Flintstone.

Okay. Wow. Was she addicted to serious drugs at the time? I know that's a big part of her life story. There was something weird going on. Seems like a cool lady. Yeah. But we had Alan, we had Alan Cumming, which I loved.

Yes. As the great kazoo. I did. The great kazoo was in it. Yeah. So that's what I was doing. And then rapping on the phone at 6 p.m. every day. Okay.

And when I walked off, I retired from the roll call myself to do finals at USC. And I got a million dollar record deal offer from Jimmy Iovine based on the buzz that was going on. And so from there, I recorded an album that included Redman and Fabulous and Maya and a young Kanye West, DJ Quick, DJ Clue. All these people worked on my record just because they spent a ton of money on it. And it was a weird ride. And that's what the book's about is sort of being in these situations that I ran into while having way too much money for a production budget in the music industry. You really got in under the wire on million dollar record deals. Literally, I think I was the last one they handed out and I might be the reason it stopped. But like it was me and like Linkincoln park and it was just people who were making so

much money for no reason uh and i was one of them i just love the idea that uh you got this million dollar record deal by winning the freestyle contest on the radio for uh for a month and a half in a row thus making you essentially the white gin yeah well gin and i came up together so like gin gin we ended up working together a little bit because it, thus making you essentially the white Jin. Yeah. Well, Jin and I came up together. So like Jin, we ended up working together a little bit because it was like, yeah, you were the radio Jin. He's the TV hawk. Did he teach you to speak Chinese? No, no.

I didn't even pass. The song did not work. The legendary Rough Riders single. When you say legendary, that is very sweet of you. Jin was like a repeat champion on Freestyle Fridays on 106 and Park on BET, who was Asian. He signed with the Rough Riders. With DMX. Which was a very interesting brand mix.

It was a weird decision. You know, I mean, hey, you want to be friends with Eve? You can be friends with Eve. Swizz Beatz. You want to meet Jadakiss? You want Chic Looch to carry your weed? Yeah, exactly. Come on in.

But Jin and I had similar gimmicks, which is that Jin didn't look like your normal rapper. I look like an accountant. And it makes sense that we both sort of took off at the same time because hip-hop was looking for new voices. If they were ready for them or not, I think the answer is no based on what happened to Jin and I. But I think they were looking for it. And now in 2016, it's hard to find a rapper that doesn't look like he works at Hot Topic. It was just we were both very early as to trying to find new voices. Do you keep up with Jin?

Jin is very funny. Jin just started following me on Twitter a couple weeks ago. He's doing stand-up comedy. Okay. Is he fun? Is he fun and funny like Justin Guarini? Well, I didn't want to look, to be honest. I just went, no, good to see he's doing all right.

And then I kept moving. Didn't want to look into his stand-up career. And did I make this up? Are you the game you did the song for? Are you a secret character? Yeah, yeah. I asked for the code. I mean, literally, to me, that's like writing on my tombstone shit.

Because I'd grown up playing Lakers versus Celtics on EA Sports, on Genesis. It's my favorite. It was my favorite thing growing up. And so for them to include my song was cool. That's cool. Whatever. But that could be like a little bit of label politics. But for them to put me as a surprise character, it was incredible.

So you typed in California. I asked for it to be Jewish. The game developers were like, no, that's anti-Semitic. And so you type in California in the menu. Yeah. And then I pop up as a secret character. Yeah. With short shorts.

I asked for John Stockton shorts and goggles. How were your stats? Okay, so the program developers told me that you can pick any rating you want, one to 99. We don't allow 100. And I said, okay. And I said, so what did Fabulous pick?

And they go, 97. I go, what did another rapper pick? They go, Be Rich pick 99. And I was like, ah. And I'm so obsessed with like in hip-hop I like being real nowadays I don't really care I'll listen to Rick Ross and be like oh you're acting but like at the time I didn't I love hip-hop so much I couldn't front you know I mean like I like always wanted to admit that I was from the suburbs I wasn't raised with

money but I wasn't raised without money so I wanted to make sure that I respected this art form I love so much and so I wanted to do the same thing with the game so when they were like what's your rating i was like honestly i only played freshman like i didn't even really play jv 77 and they were like no again any any rating you want the other guys pick 90s i go well i'm a 77 and so the sad part is if you find me as a hidden character and you're so stoked you found me you you just have a bench warmer on your team yeah he's not he's not any good at it yeah so that's what i have i'm a secret character in the def jam wrestling game wouldn't that be incredible brag but bubba sparks is in that game though yeah well and we came up together and i was like what a lucky fucking that's great

uh speaking of uh uh speaking of crippling addictions i interviewed uh bubba sparks a year or two ago. Lovely guy. I heard he's doing great now. Yeah, he is. He's a country rapper now. Yeah, he went kind of viral a couple weeks ago because he's lost like 150 pounds. He looks like he just got back from the war and he married Miss Georgia or something. He married a beautiful, beautiful girl.

And so that went viral. Like, whoa, look how skinny he is and look how hot his wife is. It's like, you know, made bigger news than any song he's released in 10 years. I actually got so excited about Bubba Sparks. I was a big Bubba Sparks fan. As you should be. I am a big Bubba Sparks fan. And he had, as I said, he had recorded a couple of country rap songs, which is a new genre.

It's a new thing. I mean, it's not a completely new thing. There's always been like Haystack and stuff. It's a completely new thing. There's always been like Haystack and stuff, but it's a pretty new thing where these hiccup, these basically just fat dudes in trucker three hours on youtube watching country rap videos just chasing the dragon yeah of another thing that i would like and uh yeah it turns out i feel like it was wailing waylon jennings has a son who raps his like shooter or something like that who actually was not bad he was the by far the best of the bunch but like even like the dudes that are on boba sparks's song uh were garbage they were just garbage he has someone he's bringing out in that style too oh yeah but he deliverance the second record is one of the best it's classic

yeah it's a really great record and interscope just threw it in the trash and so like we we came up together signed at the same time i talked about him a lot in the book i talked about haystack in the book a little um and so yeah the book the book is basically the, you know, sort of the industry. I went through it as an observer. I was a journalism major. So I always kept my eyes open and I tell these stories about, you know, doing NBA Live and Busta Rhymes not wanting any ham in the dressing room. Like little things that just are so strange that have never been talked about. And I wrote a song with Cisco and I talk about going to his house and stealing porn from his bedroom and all these weird little things. What kind of porn did you steal from his bedroom?

Well, that's the whole thing. I was told by college roommates that there was a big rumor on the internet that Cisco was homosexual. And I was a huge Drew Hill fan. And to me, that was kind of shocking because all of his lyrics are about laying some woman down and sexing her. And so they were like, well, if you feel anything at the house, like, let us know. It would be pretty shocking if you found out that a male R&B singer was homosexual.

Yeah. I think that would be a big deal. Because their themes are so romantic. Yeah. They're about ladies. And many of them are famous pussy slayers, like Luther Vandross, for example. Or Johnny Gill. Yeah.

Yeah. There's a lot of rumors that go around about a lot of r&b singers and so when i when i went to uh write at his house he was uh extremely cordial very nice i worked with another writer who i'd worked with who wrote um thong song with him and so cisco would come down and say hello and you know sort of it was a um david mamet right yeah it was me david guy, yeah, and Sisko, the thong songwriters. Yeah. Sure.

And so he did it right after Spanish Prisoner, which makes sense because it's in the same wheelhouse. There's some similar themes there. Yeah. And so Sisko's a very nice man. What was weird is that he insisted his wife have a part in the thong song. Sure, yeah. What's her name? Oh, David Mamet.

Rebecca Pigeon. And Shoshana, the daughter. Yeah. Yeah, they both were in it. And so he comes down, says hello, leaves, and then I have to go to the bathroom. And Marquise, the other writer, says, we'll go inside. It's up the stairs to the right. You'll pass Cisco's bedroom.

It's right off his bedroom. I go, great. That's fine. And so I go up there and I stop. And his room is like real creepy. It's like the bed's on the floor. Like, you know, it looks like the same, like. You mean like the bed is flushing, like it's a recessed bed?

Yeah. Like clearly he has, clearly he has rented this place in Tarzana, California to record an album or something. Like he's not living there. Like even if he's talking about having sex with women, it's not in this house. He probably has like a sex house that I don't know about. Like this is, this is garbage. You mean as described

on his album, Sex House. Yeah. Do you ever see that gigolo? I mean, what's a good neighborhood for a sex house if not Tarzana?

It's pretty good. That's probably, well, yeah. Yeah. Do you know that show, Gigolos? Do you ever see it? No.

No. Well, there's a show. I have watched the Gigolos before. So in the house, you know how there's not any, there's not really any furniture. So Gigolos, this is a show on Showtime.

Yes, about male prostitutes. Male prostitutes. And so you get this it has you know all the trappings of a reality show about like you know trashy you know people yes like our housewife these are leathery men yes uh but you also just get to see you know like non-penetrative sex you see soft course yeah and then you see the housewife anyway the houses look like that and so cisco's

i look over it is as tv and it's flanked on both sides by stacks of dvds like in the same way that like the ghostbusters librarian categorizes books right like it just like right up to the top and so i was like oh that's weird and i'm a movie guy i collect dvds so i was like what does cisco have and i walk over and i quickly realized they're all a lot of criteria yeah right yeah it's all it's all like gray gardens. Ooh, Grey Gardens. Yeah. Oh, Das Boot. Well, he has that Ed Wood that was recalled because of the song.

What's that? There was an Ed Wood, the first Ed Wood DVD that came out. They pulled it really quick. Oh, I didn't know that. There was some special feature. Yeah, because Ed Wood was hard to find on DVD for a while. Yeah. Now it became easy.

Andy is a DVD of the 89 Fleer Billy Ripken card that says fuckface. All these rarities. All the rarities. And he has a DVD of the 89 Fleer Billy Ripken card that says fuckface on it. All these rarities. All the rarities. This DVD is just a stamp with an upside down airplane. Orson Welles doing champagne commercials. This is that Jerry Lewis clown movie. Oh. Okay.

Cisco's the one who has that. He has it, yeah. The Dead Sea Scrolls. oh okay so so cisco's the one who has that he has it yeah the dead sea scroll so i look and it's all porn and i'm like oh that's crazy and then i remember my roommates these are dvds these are not blu-rays no no we're not in we're not in blu-ray town okay no we are way too early for that this is like 2000 2001 i just wanted to get a sense of the picture i understand i understand for for uh i understand you're looking for hd yeah and so it's stacked up and i look at it and i'm like oh it's all hetero and then i look closer and it's a lot

of gangbang like like a lot of like a lot of gangbang like penis one ratio you know like like 500 penis to one vagina ratio like a crazy penis yeah like a crazy difference yeah and so um yeah and so i i kind of went in the bathroom thinking i knew too much like fuck what do i do and then yeah and then in the book i talk about it but i i took home some souvenirs some cisco gangbangs yeah okay sgbs sgbs so what's that so i uh i mean i don't want you to to blow this whole book here for this podcast which i should buy there are a million stories like that but i do would like to hear a little bit about durst so durst um robert durst yeah he he doesn't know how to spell that really tell us about political comedian will durst and their

relationship okay well will uh he's just he's slanted to the loud to the right for sure uh so fred durst was something you just couldn't get away from in the early 2000s yeah this was around the same time. And ironically, Fred doesn't always miss. His music is terrible himself. But he signed, you know, some terrible things like Stained and Puddle of Mud. But he also signed Ringside, She Wants Revenge, and Kenna. All good.

And Kenna's my favorite album of the 2000s. So, like, he had a decent year. Kenna was a guest on The Sound of Young America many years ago. Great musician. Incredible album. Lovely dude, too. If the Neptunes produced Oingo Boingo, that's what that first album sounds like. All right, silence, sure.

I'm just accepting it. Great, great. I'm making a mental note to look it up on Spotify when I get home. New Sacred Cow, great album. And so I am dealing with a lot of people in the music industry when sort of all the buzz is coming at me. And one of them is a rumor because I've done some things with DJ Lethal from House of Pain, but also from Limp Bizkit. And he goes, Fred Durst heard your stuff and really loves it. So how did – I guess I became aware of Limp Bizkit in high school. As we all did.

When they were just a thing. Yeah. Were they created? Were they just a thing yeah where were they were they created were they just a fucking garage band in a van yeah they were garage band in jacksonville florida and then they ended up putting dj lethal in the band when they got to interscope but they were like a garage band in jacksonville yeah cock rock okay and so um and so he was a big deal and so hearing that he wanted to sign me even though i wasn't necessarily a limp biscuit fan that's a big thing to hear at 19 trying to fucking break in the music industry so it's a lot

of hope in it especially because like i'm still on the radio and i don't really know who's trying to sign me i don't know jimmy's waiting for me i don't know any of this shit so hearing the fred durst wants to include me in his roster nookie is appealing i mean the song or the noun yeah yeah both uh and so i was excited and so i did a radio appearance on Power 106 where they, for the first time ever, they were going to play a Hot Carl song, which was my hip hop name. And so it was a big deal for me. My grandparents were tuning in. I was only freestyling and battling.

This was the first time a song I ever recorded was on the radio. And so they hype it up at six o'clock or eight o'clock. We're going to play the first Hot Carl song ever on the radio. And I'm like, oh my God, everyone I know is pressing record at the same time. And they go, but first we're going to introduce a special guest. We didn't know he was coming in. Give it up for Fred Durst. So I'm like, oh, my God, this is fucking perfect.

I'm sitting at home. My mom's on the phone. I'm like, this is great. Fred's going to hype me up, right? And so he goes, they go, Fred, we're going to play this Hot Carl song. What do you think about Hot Carl? And I'm like, oh, here we go. And he goes, I think he's a fucking nerd.

I think his voice is terrible. I don't think he's going anywhere. Whoa. And like, you could hear the gasping in the studio. Like, it's not something, you've never heard that. I've never heard. To be fair, he turned out to be right on all counts. He's pretty close.

He nailed it. He just didn't say virgin, which would have put it all together. And so I didn't know what to do And it was such I had so much hope In what was about to happen And now it's deflated And so I call in

That it's so weird To think that there was a time In culture Yeah In America Yeah Where what Fred Durst said mattered Huge

By the way Huge That shouldn't have ever been Yeah this is a time When the Bloodhound Gang Sold four million records I mean this is a This when the Bloodhound Gang sold four million records. I mean, this is a different time in music. I have such a hard time thinking back to anything before the turning point that happened.

I mean, you and I remember where we were when Jin taught us to speak Chinese. Everything is post and pre that, like 9-11. It is speak Chinese, yeah. Well, I mostly think of 9-11 as post when Jin taught us to speak Chinese. Everything is post and pre that, like 9-11. It is speak Chinese, yeah. Well, I think of, I mostly think of 9-11 as post when Jin taught us to speak Chinese. Music's better now, right? That might have been just before Jin taught us to speak Chinese. Yeah, it's true.

And so, yeah, and so Fred shit on me and so I called the radio station and I said, put him on the fucking phone and Lethal was like, no, I'm not going to do it. And I'm like in my college dorm screaming and I'm like, put him on the fucking phone and they won't. He goes goes tune in i'm gonna fix this and so they come back after my song and they go well fred a lot of people have been calling in which is probably a lie it's just me uh and they go a lot of people have been calling in and uh they're mad

at you for what you said if fred goes you know i was messing around i was trying to make that dude more famous that you know like just trying to be like a like i don't know i don't know what he was trying to do i guess he was trying to be a troll before that was a thing and so he goes i might even sign that dude and i was like okay all right and so we end up getting a song together and and so interscope sets up a song and so he's gonna get paid way too much to do it and it's like it's not my favorite song now listening back like it's kind of like a gimmicky single. And so I waited in the studio for three hours and he stood me up. And I had never spoken to him really again. Huh.

Yeah. But that song exists. That song exists with another real talented dude, though. With Mark McGrath. Yeah, I did that song with Mark McGrath like two weeks later. Did you really? I did. Yeah, I did.

Wow. Mark took the friend spot. What a... Kind of a perfect replacement. What a slice... They're comparable artists. What a slice of that time. one guy who takes himself very serious the other who doesn't mark i think by all counts mark mcgrath gets it realizes that he i don't know if he gets it he never engaged in my feud with his crews oh that's right oh right i invited him canceled it didn't

he he did and he never i i tried so hard to have a mutually beneficial feud between my crews and his crews you won the feud an inter-crews feud you were the LL Cool J to his cannabis though maybe

maybe he fell off but anyway that's my durst okay do you still keep in touch with Mark McGrath Mark McGrath follows me on Twitter

okay much like Jin yeah every once in a while when I do something that he thinks is funny he'll put like brilliant and then I'll write back and I'll go hey i don't want to get because it was like recently he did it and i was like i'd like to get you my book i talk about he threw threw a

birthday party for me for my 21st birthday oh very nice really nice of mark mcgrath it was very sweet of mark mcgrath i imagine that it was just soaked with pussy juices well no we it's funny enough we played scrabble all night no no it was a fucking pussy fest. Yeah, it was Las Palmas in LA. It was like a Hollywood club. He made me make out with a playmate. No, it was fucking crazy Mark McGrath shit. He got a tattoo on his neck that he had removed a couple days later. Crazy story.

At the party? Yeah. No, no, right afterwards. Anyway, that's all in the book. And so Mark follows me and puts like brilliant or like really cool, funny, whatever. And he writes something and then I go, I want to get you a book. And then he never writes me back. But I want to get him the book. He just writes back, can't read.

Or he goes, my assistant is reading Twitter to me. Yeah. Someone goes, this isn't Mark. This is the guy who runs Smash Mouth Social Media. I do all of these. I'm owning Bernie Sanders fans. So I can't respond to you. Yeah.

That's my scoop. Look, I don't mean to ask the most obvious question on earth that you've answered in every time you've talked about your book anywhere. Yes. But does Kanye West owe you $300? He does. He owes me $300. Kanye and I worked together very, very early in his career. He actually –

When everyone still thought his name was kane west or kane yeah uh he he was um a great you know basically they gave me a beat cd i listened to it which was like a business card back in 2000s you had to listen to all of them and so i listened to it and was like this guy's a fucking genius the instrumental to h to iso was on there i kind of thought that was great but i couldn't use it and there was a bunch of songs on there that became hits that's too bad because that's the anthem put your damn hands up and so i um was super into him and so i made my manager make an introduction i paid him seven grand i think for a beat which is incredible thinking now you can't even get him on the phone for seven grand you can't even get one of his t-shirts no no yeah the shoes are 10 and so i um

we got along really well we were i would say we were friends we saw movies together what movies did you see with god we saw master and commander together yeah he loved it that's great yeah he loved it master and commander is fucking great that's i don't remember liking it at the time but for some reason i've liked it more you're wrong master and commander is like the the das boot it is good it is good but khan was right uh like a group one of the truly great dad movies and so we would two-way that was the way you communicated as a hip-hop artist in the 2000s we would two-way a lot like he would two-way me if he was a blockbuster and want to know a movie i'd write back ghost world three hours later he'd write back that's the best you know like we had like a cool relationship friend relationship and so um he and i would work on

songs one did get released called armand de sante and then he'd help me on other things and i'd help him on some things but it was so early that like his his managers didn't even consider him a rapper they just thought he was a producer don't rap for But it was so early that his managers didn't even consider him a rapper. They just thought he was a producer. Don't rap for people. It was almost like he was telling me a secret. Like, yo, I rap too. Do you remember the song that he did where... Only movie titles?

No, I was going to say where he goes, we are the champ-y-ons, spend a lot of time in hampty-ons. Yeah, that's the Kanye I knew as a rapper for a long time. I love that verse. When he asked me to be on a song with me i had my manager tell him no which is such a bad regret now but i just didn't think he was a good rapper and i knew as through the wire came out and things came out he got better so that's fair he got better but he we and him worked late into the night and uh it was the time that he talks about a lot which is that he lived far away in jersey with his mother's house and would drive into baseline to record and um the train was leaving and so he was like hey i

gotta go i was like no man because we were like getting real you know fun song sounding great and i said stick around i said i got this budget don't worry about it i'll i'll uh i'll put the car on it and he's like dude that's expensive in the middle of the night and i was like no don't worry about it you know and he's like well i'll have to pay you back and i was like no don't like don't worry about it and he's like no i'm gonna pay you back i was like all right he had no money you know and he's like well i'll have to pay you back and i was like no don't like don't worry about it and he's like no i'm gonna pay you back i was like all right he had no money you know and so he would bother me every once in a while like i'll pay you it back i'll pay you it back and then after a while like when someone owes you something and they keep telling you you're like hey pay me back like eventually you know what i mean like pay me back you sure and then uh when

he became famous we sort of lost touch not and not for any reason not like oh he got famous and i didn't he was pretty busy with it i'm sorry but he didn oh, he got famous and I didn't. He was pretty busy with his – I'm sorry. But he didn't – yeah. He got another comedian friend. And so he just sort of disappeared. I disappeared. We went different ways. And the $300 – it's about $300. It's not exactly, but it's a little under. But yeah, that's an outstanding debt.

Yeah. And now with all this money he owes, I should be in front of the line sort of. I've been there earlier. Have you thought about asking Mark Zuckerberg for the money? That's a good idea. Just a tweet. You know what? I'm sorry to make fun of kanye west he's amazing he is great i don't have anything bad to say about he's not bc boys to you no kanye west yeah no i fucking love i love

him too he's not that great at rapping no it's still but yeah i fucking love him he's great for good reason he's so talented i mean you know and i talk about in the book you know kanye's only one chapter even though it's the title it's just one story that you read and, I talk about in the book, you know, Kanye is only one chapter, even though it's the title. It's just one story that you read. And I talk about being an early stop for this train. And it's crazy. It's like I don't know if you've ever been in these positions where it's someone who's going to eventually rule the world and you see way before it. But he still does things that like show you he could rule the world. Like, for example, if we eat at a restaurant and a waitress would come up and she'd take our order.

He goes, you know, I'm a rapper. And she'd be like, what? And he'd be like, I rap. And she's like, okay, cool. And he's like, do you want to hear me rap? And she's like, yeah, I guess. And then he'd be like, I'm gonna kill this. Pass me the pancake.

And I'm like, what? And then she's like, okay, I got to go do another table. And it's, but he loved doing it. And like, if he played music for people, he'd stand on it, whoever it is, he'd stand on the table and rap along with it. And it's like, he had this confidence that he didn't really care what your response was going to be and that and that's key when people start laughing at him when he plays jesus walks like and i was there when very famous people laughed at jesus walks when he left

the room i don't think he cared and that was the sign of like a very sure person that he was going to rule the world and he did who was the famous person laughing was it tommy lee jones it was weird enough supreme court justice clarence thomas oh yeah excuse me i have to go make a piss nike video yeah yeah uh yeah but it was great he's a great i mean he was incredible artist to watch do you think that after supreme court hearings when clarence thomas famously doesn't say anything he just laughs at the end yeah as soon as they leave he's just sitting there soiling his robe yeah he's not silent at all

he's got a messy little secret he's speaking in a different language Clarence got a messy little secret sounds like a good soul record yeah the famous Supreme Court case of new Nikes

v. my piss we'll be back got a real opinion on that one yeah we'll be back in just a landmark case we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go the three of you enter a cave of a big red dragon and is standing over a horde of precious golden rubies and he says what do you do, adventurers? I'm a dragon man. I cast fire on him. It's very good. I address the red dragon and say, us? We're the hosts of The Adventure Zone,

a podcast about family playing Dungeons & Dragons. Very good synergy. Commit to the bit. I roll to charm new listeners. It is very effective. Against all odds. Everybody, we're the Macroids. We host the Adventure Zone. It's a podcast where we play Dungeons & Dragons together.

It's a comedy podcast. We don't take the rules too seriously because there's a lot of them, and we did not take the time to learn them. Maybe listen to us. We come out every other Thursday on the Maximum Fun Network. You can find us on iTunes or on MaximumFun.org. I think this promo's a critical hit. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. head. It's Jordan, Jesse Go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Jen Zekarp, still the Jewish Jay-Z. Okay, I want to go over a couple things real quick here, Jordan. Yeah. Number one, MaxFunCon East tickets on sale right now at MaxFunCon.com. Great. Labor Day weekend in the Poconos, driving distance from Philly, New York City. Most of the eastern seaboard.

Let's be honest. It's going to be a fucking blast. We don't announce the lineup, but Jordan and I are going to be there. We got a lot of awesome stuff planned. It's going to be a hoot. So that's thing number one. Thing number two, me and John Hodgman are going on tour. Judge John Hodgman tour in September is going to be a delight. Again, the Northeast will be the epicenter of this tour. We've got shows in Massachusetts, D.C., Brooklyn,

all the places that you would expect in the great Northeast of the United States of America. You can find all of the dates and info at MaximumFun.org and also just want to say Father's Day is coming up.

You guys know about that, right? Oh, yeah. A day for daddy. Yeah. Y'all got to get something for daddy, okay? Daddy day, yeah. So my recommendation, putthisonshop.com. We got all kinds of beautiful vintage things, scarves, pocket squares, all kinds of beautiful stuff.

And if you use the code FULLCHORT, you get free shipping. So there you go. Can't lose. A triple dip of great advice. There you go. A double dip of great advice. Okay. You guys want to get into some calls?

Yeah. When something momentous happens to you, we ask you to call us at 206-9844-FUN our segment, Momentous Occasions. Let's take our first call. Hello, Jordan, Jesse Goh. This is Chuck calling from Chicago, calling with a moment of shame. I've been working as a visiting artist in my daughter's third grade elementary school class, in my daughter's third grade elementary school class, and we were building a giant tower of Rapunzel, and today while I was leaning down to grab a paper towel tube,

I audibly farted in my daughter's third grade class. So I guess we're moving now. It's going to be a shame to break it to my wife. Children laughed, covered their mouths with their hands, and tittered. Thank you. Nah, she's a princess now. I have a feeling that when this daughter, this is going to be third grade, so this is going to be in 10 years. Brings the prom date over. Prom date's sitting in the living room. Dad's doing his diligence.

Comes downstairs to meet the date. Date's going to say, oh. Calling references. Oh, you're fart dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fart dad. That's fart dad. Yeah.

This is on his, I mean, it's a brutal story. I mean, I know that it's cute or whatever, but like this girl's going to feel this. Yeah. This is years of therapy. This is stripper material. I feel like it depends on how he played it off. Pretty soon he's going to be at Mark McGrath's birthday party. What you're saying?

Living it up? I don't know. I kind of feel like, you know, the red, white, and blue, the funny things you do. America, this is you. Fun stuff like this. I mean, it's true that his story could have went so many other ways. You know what I mean? Because he was like, then I bent over and I reached over and I was like, ooh.

I was like, where is this going? And then it went to farts. So it's true that it's not the worst pedophilic thing he could have done. Oh, you just assumed it was going to be pedophilic? Or like a teacher boob or something. Yeah, I thought we were going with that. Oh, face and boob. Teacher boob. Yeah, I thought he was going somewhere.

Teacher boob or split pants were the things my head was going to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, move away. That's good. Or, I mean, just ask one of the other neighborhood dads to take one for the team. Go in a fart? Go into the class.

Well, you have to one-up it. You have to shit your pants? up it you have to shit your pants yeah you have to shit your pants or piss your Jordans piss your Jordans no kids will be like yeah that's cool

yeah I know that from the internet everybody's pissing their Jordans Tyler Oakley pissed his Jordans on YouTube I think I've heard that yeah

there's a lot of guys on Vine who will do it in six seconds yeah yeah but then get out real quick yeah but they'll do like an offensive gay voice too

yeah oh god that felt racist yeah or they'll say respect an offensive gay voice too. Yeah. Oh God, that felt racist. Yeah. Or they'll say respect my Jordan pissing. Sure, yeah. I do think though that if it became

his catchphrase, you know what I mean? Like every time the kid saw him he was like, it's me, Jeff or whatever, you know what I mean?

Like it became part of his almost clown routine it could work too. You know what my recommendation is? Custom license plate. Fart dad. F-R-T-

I guess you could say F-A-R-T-D-A-D. It works. Yeah. And just fill out that. You just have to fill The thing is, is if you write in the thing It's Fart Dad. It won't let you. If you write in the explanation that it's because you farted in your daughter's third grade class, they're not going to give it to you. You're going to have to say that it was a

tribute to your painting mentor, Signore Fartad. Or you don't like your old art dad, F Art Dad. Yeah. I don't F that guy. I don't like that dude. Sure. Yeah.

Maybe it's just kind of a general, you know, fuck you statement to the patriarchy. Like, why are we going to college and learning about all these dead white men, all these art dads. F them. F those guys. Let's learn about some fart women of color. Also, has there ever been a commercial with someone passing gas? Because I think you can get away with farted ad.

Oh. I think you can get away with it. Yeah, some kind of farted ad. Farted ad, yeah. An ad where someone farted. Yeah. Yeah, when someone gassed it. No big deal.

Give me the plate. Yeah. Farted ad was the Mexican Jerry Lewis. Oye, solamente. Fartied ad also sounds like a Persian name. Oh, yeah. Fartied ad. I think I grew up with fartied ad.

Yeah. Could be Persian. Let's take another call. This whole thing was really stupid. I'm ashamed. jordan jesse and guest uh to sam calling from brooklyn with a momentous occasion uh that's the dmv and uh there was a pacific gentleman walking around asking people if they were Jewish, as they do. And normally I lie and say no, so I don't have to get into a confrontation with them. But today I decided to say yes anyway. And I got a bar mitzvah right there in the DMV.

So I guess I'm a man now. Thanks, guys. Bye. That's dope. That is great. DMV Bar Mitzvah. What kind of entertainment did you have? What was the theme? For me? No, for this guy in the DMV. Waiting in line. DMV Bar Mitzvah. What kind of entertainment did you have? What was the theme? For me?

No, for this guy in the DMV. Waiting in line. Waiting in line is your theme. If you have your Bar Mitzvah at a DMV, it's waiting in line. Every table is a different number, 1 through 66. Those are the numbers they call out as they get their lights candlelit. And then I can't imagine what the entertainment is. If you get Bar Mitzvahed in the DMV, do you still have to do a passage from the Torah?

Yes, yes. Or you just take a permit test. Yeah, you just take the permit test. That's how you get bar mitzvahed in the DMV, do you still have to do a passage from the Torah? Yes, yes. Or you just take a permit test. Yeah, you just take the permit test. That's how you get over it. You just have to remember that no one is allowed to carry a white cane unless they are blind. It's illegal. Illegal. Also, that's having a bar mitzvah without the best part of a bar mitzvah, the $3,000 that every Jewish kid gets.

That's the ceiling and the floor. You don't make any more or any less than $3,000 no matter how rich or poor you are. Well, somebody at David Newman's bar mitzvah made my leather jacket that they stole off the back of my chair. Oh, boy. That was pretty fucked up. That is fucked up. No kids came to school looking like the host of Cheaters?

No, I think it was like an uncle or something. Oh, really? The host of Cheaters? Yeah. Johnny Greco or whatever his name is? Yeah. Finally, a jacket luxurious enough to peer on television in. Time to get stabbed on a boat or whatever.

If that happened for real or not. He says that out loud. Anyway, I should probably keep this to myself. What am I doing? And furthermore, I should keep track of my own life. Maybe I should read my Wikipedia or look myself up on Snopes. I was there,

but I just don't remember if I was stabbed for reals or if it was theatrical. Now, excuse me, I'm going to join these kids for the Macarena. Probably around the time, right? Were you guys doing the Macarena

at the bar mitzvah? Can I tell you something that really upset me about that fucking driver's test? Sure. Okay, so, look, I passed the first time. This is not about me. I mean, bragging, sure.

No, this is not about me. That's just truth. It's not bragging if it's true. You're being honest. Look, I don't live in Hamptions. I really do love that song and that verse. But anyway, there are a bunch of questions on the California driving test about blood alcohol levels. And none of them say like which of the following is too many drinks to be driving or like let's say you're a 250-pound man and you have three whiskeys or whatever.

It's all like 0.08, 0.12. Does that just presume that we all have our own breathalyzer that we check in with before we get behind the wheel? It's not really a driving question. I think they're just trying to discourage any kind of drinking and driving. I think maybe the idea is to keep it ambiguous so you Don't even try Now hold on Jordan I happen to know for a fact

That while you're not allowed to drunk drive It's a completely different thing if you're buzzed driving No I saw a bench It's the same I saw a billboard that said buzzed driving is drunk driving And also Tinder gives you chlamydia. I did see that also. Let me ask you this question.

What analogy would you use to describe the STD explosion in America? Oh, I would think it's a silhouette featuring the Tinder logo kissing another silhouette that says chlamydia on it.

Got it. Yeah. I think these are probably only local billboards. Listen, let's bring them all over the world, though. Take them with you on the con. You know what? I say let's bring this Chlamydia. There is nothing.

Let's get Bill Gates on the phone. Yeah. Or Melinda Gates. Either one. Or Bill Gates' dad, William Gates. Or Bill Gates' dad, William Gates. Let's get them on the line and let's bring those billboards with a volcano exploding. It's a syphilis explosion.

Let's bring those to Africa. Let's bring those to Malaysia. That's what these people need. I know this is regional as fuck, but that ad does look a lot like the Dianetics cover. It really does. It looks very similar. Yeah. So both really problematic.

I mean, this company, I think this is the same company. There's like an STD awareness company that does STD education in LA, and they have a lot of audacious billboards. Yeah. Syphilis explosion. We're number two in chlamydia. Isn't that one of them too? It's the picture of the California bear, and it says we're number two in chlamydia. Isn't that one of them too? It's the picture of the California bear and it says we're number two in chlamydia. I was always like, who's one?

Whenever I see that one, I think like, yeah, well, we're the number one most populous state, so we're doing all right. Doing pretty good, yeah. I mean, I'd like to think Wyoming is one and that's crazy. Yeah, that is. That's bonkers. Everyone has two chlamydia. Every child, two chlamydia. They're playing parenthood.

They're like, sir, your results are back. You have double chlamydia. He goes, well plain parenthood they're like sir your results are back you have double chlamydia well that's the average for our nation and walks away that's true well see you later yeah well excuse me i'm off to host cheaters that's right i'm talking to myself who am i uh there this company now has one uh that is the bernie sand Sanders logo and it says feel the burn. B-U-R-N question mark and then gives the website to go to for STD treatment. Do you think they're the ones that also make the minority ones? Because those are rough. Oh, I don't think I have seen those.

Where it's just like Mario Van Peebles yelling at you. Yeah. It just says like it's like very focused on how the African-American community gets AIDS more frequently. It's like very focused. But then the ads are startling as well. They're trying to get your attention. Yeah. I think these that we're talking about are trying to be kind of cheeky and outrageous. Yeah.

I think they have some emoji ones now. Anyway. Do you think it's working? I mean, I have gone down from three chlamydia to two chlamydia. Well, then get out of Wyoming. I've got triple crabs. Well, then get out of Wyoming. I've got triple crabs. Well, off to Wyoming it is. I can't wait for triple crab days at Red Lobster.

Do you guys know if any horse ever did get the triple crab? Yeah, I think Ole Itchy did. Okay, good, good, good. Because I knew it was a big thing in history if someone was going to get the triple crab. And someone did, obviously. The last baseball player to win the triple crab was Jimmy Foxx. Actually, I think it was Lenny Dykstra before him, though. There you go. Lenny Dykstra seems like he would get triple crab. Yeah, someone did, obviously. The last baseball player to win the Triple Crab was Jimmy Foxx. Actually, I think it was Lenny Dykstra before him, though. There you go.

Lenny Dykstra seems like he would get Triple Crab. Yeah, absolutely. Well, but that was actually after his career when he was a successful car wash entrepreneur. And con man. And eventual con man. That's right. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, play detective. Jensen Karp, the Hebrew Hova. Jensen, get off your fucking two-way. Sorry, I was- The whole time we're here, Jensen Carp's on his sidekick, tapping away. Still talking to Fat Joe, just trying to figure out where we're going to meet up after this to talk about our civics, our souped-up civics. Just trying to figure out what we're up to.

Talk about our Sprite ads. See, that was very 2000s. That was very S to the P-R-I-T-E can. Yep, yep. It's a lifesaver when you need thirst quenching like a kiss with a lime and twist. Now you know that's kicking. Holy cow. Word.

What? They sponsor the show, so they make us do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is just a regular part of the show. Yeah, I knew it wasn't going to be. This specifically is the Chris Cross one. That was a good one. Yeah.

Ayo, Chris. Yeah? What's that on your hand? It's the s to the p r i t e can it's a lifesaver when you need thirst quenching like a kiss with a lime and twist now you know that's kicking word drink up drink up is what i gotta do why because i like the sprite in you that's amazing i don't know why that's in my head that's incredible i know the Tab Barbershop Quartet song. Need a tab, I need a tab. I know this is very obscure and only Jesse will think it's funny, but I know the Mellow Yellow one that Quo did.

What? Do you not remember Quo? No. Oh, fuck. I was trying to go obscure kid rap group. It went too far. It went too far. You have to remember.

That's Clarence Thomas' YouTube name. It's Mellow Yellow. 40. Went too far. You have to remember. That's Clarence Thomas' YouTube name. It's Mellow Yellow. 40 consistent shoes. Fuck this. Okay. Jensen Karp's book is called Kanye West Owes Me $300. And other true stories from a white rapper who almost made it big. Got it.

That's it. And it comes out June 7th. Jensen Karp. Formerly known as Hot Carl. Kanye West owes me $300, colon, the new batch. Yes, the new batch, right. It's kind of a fun satirical take. And then in parentheses it says farted dad.

Farted dad. Yeah. Just in parentheses. Oh, man. You guys know about the beef between Farted Dad and Contine Floss? Who is the true clown prince of Mexico? Contine Floss or Farted Dad. Fart-eed Ad, though.

Fart-eed Ad is an ISIS. Yeah. In the 1960s, Contineen Floss versus Farty Dad. That was sort of like, if people don't remember that, and I understand we have a younger audience. Please. It was sort of like the El Cucuy versus El Piolín de la Mañana of the mid-1960s. Absolutely. And it was a real battle.

Yeah. You know how that is. Okay. Fuck, this show is stupid. So dumb. We should quit that is. Okay. Oh, fuck. This show is stupid. So dumb. We should quit this show, Jordan. Oh, yeah. Good idea.

What are we doing with our lives? I like that working on our night muse thing was pretty strong. Yeah. It all went downhill from there. Yeah. You really set us up and then we knocked them down. There's some good stuff in this one. Yeah.

Really knocked them down. Okay. So Jensen Karp, there you go. Yes. I look forward to future tweets from people that say me and Jensen should have a rap podcast. I don't remember enough about rap music to have a rap podcast.

What are you talking about? You just rapped the Sprite ad from Criss Cross. That's all I remember. You know a ton. That's all I remember. By the way, if I had a question about Bay Area hip-hop, it's you or Moshe. That's all I can ask. No, you should ask Moshe or you should ask Andrew Noznitsky. Ask Noz about it because he knows. I'm too intimidated to ask Noz.

Noz has a house built out of fucking bullies with fullies cassette tapes. Anyway, yeah, no, I'm not going to host that. You know what? I'm going to – I don't think probably America really needs that two white guys rap show. They really don't nowadays, no. If you want appropriation, there's enough out there. We don't need to do it for you. Do you guys just want to run down the week's Marvel casting news?

There's not enough of those either. Yeah, yeah. I think that... I'm excited. I'm excited to hear who's in the hottest new Marvel Cinematic Universe extravaganza. Mm-hmm. Like, who's playing Spider-Man. Sure.

It's Clarence Thomas. It's Clarence Thomas. Clarence Thomas is your new Spider-Man. Really? Yeah, it's piss instead of webs now. It just shoots from his wrist. He shoots out piss. It's a crazy Spider-Man, but it's pretty cool.

What do you think about the decision to cast Sonia Sotomayor as Daredevil? Well, you know what? She's got a vision and he doesn't. Do you think? Because a lot of people tell me that's just social justice warrior bullshit. Yeah. But I think she has this kind of wise Latina vibe that I think is perfect for Daredevil. And Marvel has always been gender neutral.

She's a real New Yorker. She's a real New Yorker. Yeah. And so she doesn't take shit. Neither did Daredevil. Yeah. That's a really good point. Well, we've settled all of that.

And the Lady of Justice is blind. Yeah. Sure. Oh. So Daredevil, it makes all sense. It makes sense. Brian Fernandez, a.k.a. Sonny D, our producer, laughing outside the booth. It's not a put on.

He's just like that. You can find us on Twitter, at Jesse Thorne, at Jordan underscore Morris, and at Jensen. Jensen Clan 88 with a C. I'm not racist. So it's J-E-N-S-E-N-C-L-A-N 88. Like Cherry Clan. Yes. Speaking of how not racist you are. I'm not racist. So it's J-E-N-S-E-N-C-L-A-N-88. Like Cherry Clan. Yes. Speaking of how not racist you are. And let's see.

Hashtag at JJGo on Twitter. Join us on Reddit at MaximumFun.reddit.com where you can chat about the show. And on Facebook, join the Maximum Fun group on Facebook. Usually there's a nice chat about the latest Jordan Jesse Go there. MaxFunCon East Tickets on sale now. MaxFunCon.com. And I want to thank – I've heard so – I've gotten so many nice emails from folks who I presume to be dairy and meat farmers about the Beef and Dairy podcast. The Beef and Dairy dairy network podcast the newest

show in maximumfund.org uh i just had no idea that there were so many uh ag heads uh in the audience listening to this show but i've heard a lot of people uh say it was informative a lot of people say it was interesting i've even heard from some people who thought it was funny which i don't think is what they're going for but um i was really impressed by. So if you're not one of those people who's already checked out the Beef and Dairy Network podcast, give that a listen. I think you're really going to enjoy it. And we'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, go.