Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 430: Yogi Bone Zone with Judy Greer

Episode Date: May 30, 2016

America's Best Friend, Judy Greer, joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Jesse's butt pain, the charm of a laundromat, and the theater school experience.  Plus Jesse starred in a play Jordan wrote in college and Judy comes from a long line of women who light things on fire.  

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Well, Jordan. Mm-hmm. Well, I'm here, and I want you to know that I'm going to play through the pain. Oh my gosh, you're experiencing pain?

Yeah, but I'm a gamer. That the pain. Oh, my gosh. You're experiencing pain? Yeah. But I'm a gamer. That's what they call me. Yeah. A lot of people think if I say I'm a gamer, it's that I'm a video gamer or a board gamer. But actually, I'm a gamer. I'm focused on the game. Sure.

The game here being entertaining the good people of America with the podcast Jordan Jesse Cohen. But also Minecraft. Well, yeah, certainly Minecraft. I sort of see it as like less of a competitive thing and more of just a world building exercise. Oh, that's interesting. What an interesting way to look at Minecraft. Thank you very much.

Thank you very much. I also play any game that Microsoft owns. So tell me about your pains. Microsoft Flight Simulator. It's my other favorite game. Minesweeper flight simulator minecraft well i'm here to podcast and i'm here to entertain people we have a wonderful guest here the last thing i want to do is focus on the fact that i am playing through some serious butt soreness

now listen i want to i know kind of our you, the way we do things around here is we gab for what some might call too long before introducing the guest. Well, I think some people might say that we gab for too long overall. Sure. In that it is you and I who host this show. Right. But I think we've got a, I mean, we've got a real humdinger here today. Yeah, that's true. You know, this isn't some kind of Randy Litke situation. situation no this isn't just stand-up comedian randy litke no joining us

here so why don't we introduce our guests and then you could talk about your butt this isn't the pile of human garbage that is chris fairbanks yeah right i mean we could just leave him and rotting in the corner like the flesh pile that he is. He can sit in the corner and wait for death. That's good enough for him. God damn it. You know what? I'm going to give him

another option. Star in the highest grossing movie of the year. Uh-huh. And then he can give us a call. Okay. You know what I mean? Done.

That's where I'm only top Hollywood stars on this show if Chris Fairbanks turns it around. So, hey, if you're out there, I know the idea was to introduce the guest soon, but let me finish this jag. Hey, if you're out there, if you're one of our past guests, you want to be introduced

a little bit earlier. Karen Kilgareff. Karen Kilgareff, Alison Becker. Sure. We're talking to all of you. Nick Adams. All of you, you know, perennial. Rob Corddry, certainly.

Perennial faves. Oh, they're on Adult Swim, like that matters. Get your ass in Star Wars Episode VIII. Yeah. Tentatively titled, The Rebellion Rises. You got it. Mm-hmm. I don't know if that's what it's tentatively titled.

I do know that there is a tentative title that fans are speculating about, but I do not know exactly what it is. I just asked. So you just made up The Rebellion Rises right off the top of your head? Pretty good, right? Wow. What are you, a creative? Yeah.

I mean, I can name a Star Wars movie. Great. Yeah. Rogue Two. Should we introduce our guest? Yes. Okay. You know her from Television's Archer.

Television's Married Until Recently. You know her from film, of course. You know her from Arrested Development. You know her as the brilliant, the talented, the hilarious, the beautiful Judy Greer. Hi, Judy Greer. How are you? Hi, guys. I liked your pre-introduction noises a lot Do they, did you

Will you use them? Yeah, those are called efforts We'll even sweeten them We're going to add more noises on top of the noises you already made Thanks guys A lot of this show happens in ADR We loop in a lot of extra gags Can I pick who ADRs me?

Well, you can put in a request. We can't guarantee that we can get people because of scheduling reasons. Oh, right. Who would you like to? Kathleen Turner. She's good in everything. Yeah. She's good in everything.

And she's in our price range, too. We can afford Kathleen Turner. Wait, I'm getting paid for this? No, you are. The person who does your voice will be. The ADR session. Yeah, it's a weird union thing. Should we talk about your butt before we talk about me?

Or do we want to just like... Did you go spinning? I didn't. No, it's not a muscle soreness. It's like an indoor... It was a laundry injury. Oh. You know how that is.

Yeah. Jesse, I think the kink community calls it pegging. I don't know what you and the wife call it. You call it laundry, but... I... Okay, so as... Sensitive skin. No, no, no, no, no.

It's not sensitive skin, although that's an issue that's come up for me recently as well as my body falls apart as I age. Yeah. That's not what it is, though. Okay, okay. You know how a washer and a dryer, when they're side by side, as mine are, I'm not bragging. It's just a description of reality. I have a stackable unit. Oh, well.

So there's that. Jordan, go to a laundromat. Got it. Not even the fluff and fold? Sometimes I'll fluff and fold if I have a busy week. Fluff and fold is like Jordan's ultimate self-pampering. Yeah. When I've been a real good boy, when I've eaten all my veggies and not masturbated at work.

Great. I treat myself. I'm in a really small dark room. No, no, no. I can only imagine where that's happened. I don't consider this work. Oh, okay, good. Yeah.

Okay, good. This is just for funsies. Oh, good. I will treat myself to a fluff and fold. And it has been a little bit busy, so I think I have fluff and folded this year more than I have in previous years. So that's like your barometer for how things are going is how many times you've fluff and folded. Can I fluff and fold without feeling too bad about it? Back to the butt?

No, it sounds like you've got some fluff and fold material, Judy. I mean, obviously you've got this stackable unit these days, so you're not fluff and folding that much. I am not fluff and folding that much, but I love a laundromat. Oh. I love going to the laundromat. I kind of do, too. I have a coworker that razzes me a little bit.

Really? For still going to the laundromat. He's a big fluff and fold guy. Lifelong New Yorker. Sure. Yeah. Well, in New York, people think it's normal to have someone come and get your clothes and then bring them back clean. That's not normal. I know.

That's a rich man's miracle. It is. It is. But, like, in New York, there's a – like, I've never had anyone pick it up and drop it off. I always do the drop off and pick up. I didn't know actually that that was an option. I mean, I think I probably could have gotten there in my brain, but I'd never done it. You know where I fluff and fold?

Third world country. Yeah, you mail it to Guam? No. I don't know if Guam is a third world country. Guam might be second world. I just found out that Guam is, that we own it. Oh. We don't own it, do we?

But like, no. The three of us? It's a protectorate, maybe? I'm going to sound really dumb, like a dumb blonde actress right now, but like, I guess I've always heard Guam jokes. A rabbi and a priest walk into Guam. Like, all I've been hearing my whole life are these Guam jokes. Like just one Guam joke after another.

Look, we've all seen Bob Hope specials. A horse walks into a third world country and the bartender says, why the Guam face? Late period Jay Leno was nothing but Guam stuff. Sure. Guam and Edo. But he sold it to his credit. He always sold it. To his credit, he always sold it. But then I guess I just was like sort of putting – I was talking to a guy at work recently who's from Guam.

And then I asked him if he was an American citizen. And then he is. Or he has – he can be. Or he is. I actually forgot his answer because I was like fascinated by the fact that this country was like Puerto Rico. Yeah. Right? Yeah, you're doing a great job, Judy.

Don't worry. Like they have delegates. Talk about your butt. Can we not talk about your butt? Oh, just a comment about laundromats. I also like them a lot. I have this co-worker. He's giving me a little razz for still going to the laundromat.

He thinks I'm too old to be doing it. But I do like it as a kind of a meditative place. You can always read. It's always warm and it always smells good. Yeah. And there's always one crazy. No matter how nice a neighborhood you go to to do your laundry, there's always like a woman screaming at Jesus. Yeah.

No, a laundromat is definitely, it's one of those things. There's so few institutions in American life that truly consistently deliver a cross section of America's sanity levels. A bus, sure, is somewhere where you will get, if you got 25 people on the bus, one of those people is going to be out of their gourd. Yeah. Sure. Department of Motor Vehicles, any kind of federal when you're going to get, like, file for a passport or something. I love those offices.

Those are some fun offices. I like those, too. I love that stuff. I love the bus. I love the laundromat. I love the Social Security office. I love the DMV. Recently I love the Social Security office. I love the DMV.

Recently, I got— Post office, anybody? Love a post office. I kind of like it, too. My branch is right over here. My post office is on 3rd and Western. That's my post office. Those are my homies. I love—also, recently, I'd never been to the building permit office.

That's another fun one. Oh, wow. Yeah. That actually I feel like does have way bigger scale of people because in the building permit office you have

very fancy architects in there thinking they can talk the city Talk their way into a new buttress. Yes, into an extra 270 square feet. And their plans. But then you also have just like worker bees. Who are like really just working for the Christmas party.

They just get there. They're just there. And they're just like, I don't know. They told me to dig this goddamn hole. Yeah. Is there a permit for this thing? The sewage pipe? Yeah.

But the laundromat's good. And I don't really go when I'm home. But it's a good time killer when I'm home, but it's a good time killer when I'm on location, like if I'm shooting something out of town and you end up having lots of time off and no one to hang out with. And so a laundromat and you have dirty laundry. Sure.

It would be weird to sit there and not do laundry. Yeah. I've had the hotel do it a couple times, but I'm so cheap and that's so insanely expensive. You can't bill that to the production? I think I can. I've just never asked.

What I want to know, the genuine thing that I want to know is who are the people whose lifestyle includes hotel laundry? Sure. hotel laundry. Sure. Who are the... I sometimes, I pull out that card that says what it...

It's like $5 for one pair of underpants. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's like, that is what underpants cost, isn't it?

I don't know. Sure. Oh, yeah. I mean, it seems like that is all for cocaine 80s guy. Yeah.

Like this, there's this world of luxury that was set up for cocaine 80s guy. And it maybe does not apply anymore, but it still exists. Yeah. I can see that. Like that and expensive sushi. Uh-huh. Yes.

Like aren't these things whose time has passed? Just things that only Bret Easton Ellis is still doing. Yeah. Right. Exactly. A guy who would get killed at the end of a RoboCop movie. Yeah. I like that movie.

Michael J. Fox at the beginning of a movie where he eventually becomes more. Learns to loosen up. Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Yeah, when he's driving like a BMW 325i convertible. Like Doc Hollywood? Exactly. Like Doc Hollywood, precisely. Yeah.

The Secret of My Success? That's a Michael J. Fox, right? Yeah, yeah. Although, does he get more loose by the end of that, or does he get more uptight? He finds himself. Yeah. Michael J. Fox always finds himself. That's true.

He's really good at that. He manages every time. Good work, Mike. Yeah. Way to go, buddy. I think so. We can all learn a lot from him. Yes.

But what's exciting about a third world country laundry? Like, let's say you're in Puerto Vallarta. Okay. Okay. Now, second world country, I'll grant you. However, the point is, you don't want to bring, let's say you're going for a one week trip or a eight day trip. That sounds amazing.

It's some kind of beach trip. Yeah. Let's say you're going on a beach trip to almost any beach country in the world. Mm-hmm. Okay? You've got to have swim trunks. You've basically got to have two sets of clothes for every day because you're sweating through your clothes.

You're going to end up with a luggage train if you're bringing all that stuff. Or you just bring three days worth of clothes. You just bring like a backpack full of clothes and just drop them off at that Laundro. Boom, boom, boom. They're starched and ready to go. And it's going to cost you $3. Okay. Pretty good.

That's accessible luxury, Jordan. What if – does this apply when you're going to one of those Jurassic Park islands? Yes, absolutely. What if, does this apply when you're going to one of those Jurassic Park islands? Yes, absolutely. Yeah. That's why they developed the dinosaurs, Jordan. To do laundry? Yes. They're intelligent.

They work in groups. Oh. They can work door knobs. Yeah, if you could open a door, I guess you could also open a washing machine. Then I guess you could also eventually learn to fold with your little T-Rex hands. They hand wash. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, they use a washboard. Well, that's even cuter with your little T-Rex hands. They hand wash. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, they use a washboard.

Well, that's even cuter with the little T-Rex hands. After hours, they've got a little jug band. This is great. Yes, it is a lot of fun on those islands. Those movies, as entertaining as they are. Yeah, which they are. Especially if they feature Judy Greer. I was going to say.

Yeah. Especially. Could not be a bigger fan of the franchise. Yeah. Great. Shaped my psyche. Yeah. Oh.

As fun as they are. To this day, Jordan will not go in a porta potty. No. Right. Yeah. He's smart. And, you know, I, I, the movies make them look a little scary, but they sound like a lot of fun.

No, they are fun. In real life. The dinosaurs? Yeah. The thing is, is, I mean, Judy's in one of these movies, so she knows a little something about how these things work. But I think they take, they take what's called dramatic license for the purposes of the film. So obviously if in the films it was just a bunch of people, you know, sweating through their clothes in the morning because it's very humid and hot.

And then they bring their clothes to the laundromat and the raptors go ahead and clean it up and, you know, wash it up, wash it down, scrub it on the old banjo. And then they bring it back. That's the end of the movie. There's not a lot of excitement there. It's kind of like a similar situation where in the movie Trumbo, Trumbo really didn't do parkour. Yeah. But he did in the movie. Right.

I'm glad. Exactly. Have you- Can I ask you this? Please. Have you ever seen the movie, let's say Field of Dreams. Yes. I love that movie.

So remember those ghost baseball players? No. Yes. I only saw the first 20 minutes. No. I loved it. I love that movie. I have no idea what you're talking about.

Is it a weird director's cut or something? Ball players are irrelevant. Let's focus on James Earl Jones. Now, a lot of people think that James Earl Jones is one of the greatest actors of his generation. Yeah. And, you know, a leader in the civil rights movement and a truly remarkable public intellectual and so on and so forth. Actually, that's all invented for the movies. Actually, he just owns a laundromat.

I didn't know that. Yeah, but he's got a certain quality. And for the movies, same thing with Kevin Costner. This is amazing. I'm learning so much. Do you know that most of the millionaires in America own dry cleaning businesses? I didn't know that. That's like there's this book called The Millionaire Next Door, which I read, obviously

wanting to be a millionaire. Or at least live next to one someday. Yeah. Like watch their house when they go on their vacations. Sure. But that's like- Feed some millionaire cats, water some millionaire plants. Totally.

Well, the thing about most of the millionaires is that they're actually like really frugal. And that's how they keep their money. But a lot of them own like dry cleaners, right? And like, yeah. I would think a lot of children's dentists. Do you know that one of the most popular children's dentists in the Los Angeles area – well, I know that you don't know this. There's no way you could know this. So I wish I wouldn't have said, do you know that?

The answer is going to be no. That this popular children's dentist is – He's a ghost baseball player. Is James Earl Jones. He's a velociraptor. He's a velociraptor. He lives and works near my house in Los Angeles. And it turns out that he's from this like super small town in Ohio where my mom's whole side of the family is from.

I did know that. That I did know. I read a little bit about. You did? I've been talking about it a lot. Sorry. What makes a children's dentist popular? I don't know because I don't have – I have stepchildren, but I wasn't taking them to the dentist here in Los Angeles.

But I guess these – I guess like the kids won't freak out if you take them. Oh. I take great drugs. Maybe. I'm really dope. Dope on the kids. Dope those little fuckers up. Jordan, I actually – We can swear.

Oh, totally. I was going to wait until you guys did. I can answer that question can swear. Oh, totally. I was going to wait until you guys did. I can answer that question with authority. Oh. Do you know our friend Adam Lissagor from the You Look Nice Today podcast? Sure. Adam's father is an extremely successful pediatric dentist. In what happens if you go

northwest from Los Angeles? Ventura. Ventura, California. Yeah, Ventura County. And the secret there is, I mean, just like our friend Adam Lissagor, probably a charmer, but also

he's built his dentist's offices to look like the inside of spaceships. Oh, that's pretty good. He has multiple offices. That's how successful he is, and they all look like the inside of a spaceship. But what about for the girls? That feels very, like, not that girls don't like spaceships. Well, it's sexist of you to suggest that girls don't like the inside of spaceships.

I would have wanted to have my teeth cleaned inside of a Barbie dream house. Well. I'm just saying. How heteronormative of you. Maybe you can go down the street to Dr. Status Quo. I'm just being honest. No, no. I think that's, you know, and that's your truth.

Yeah. And who are we to stop you from living your truth? Thanks, guys. I think we'd be a couple of jerks if we stopped that. Are we really never going to get back to your butt? Yeah. Let's hear about this butt. Well, you know, side-by-sides, they're pretty low to the ground.

And there's, I got a kind of narrow... Oh, I was thinking about your butt and that you were like, side-by-side, they're pretty low to the ground. My old side-by-sides. My old side-by-side turd cutter. Certainly, when I get low.

Sure. In the club or on the dance floor? Sure. Yeah. What happened is as I bent to put my items, I bent from the waist to put my items into the front-loading washing machine. That's right where your wine rack is. Yeah. You got a bottle of wine up the butt.

Yeah, you got it, buddy. Is that really what happened? Yeah, and I had, you know what? Were you wearing pants? I had already greased up my butthole, so it really shot right in there. I fell over backwards like a clown, in a full clown. And my butt landed on the corner of a dresser. A low dresser. And pow, pow.

And my butt is black and blue like you wouldn't believe. Oh, my gosh. You would not believe it. I'm so confused. How high is your washer? I am high. Right. I mean, not with drugs.

I'm physically large. I'm a tall man. Although maybe this butt injury not with drugs. I'm physically large. I'm a tall man. Although maybe this butt injury. I feel like I need a diagram. I bent from. Where all your furniture is. Okay, so I'm standing. Yeah.

I bent from the waist. Sure. To shove things in. So I was, my legs were upright. Yeah, yeah. But my waist was down. Okay. Then I fell backwards.

Oh. And my butt went straight into the corner of a dresser. And hoo boy, was that a stinger. Sorry. That was a real stinger, Judy. I'm sorry. I'm laughing. I mean, let's lemonade these lemons, shall we?

Right. I mean, I'm a gamer. I'm going to play through the pain. Let's talk about it. Two thoughts. Okay. Is this, you mentioned being high. Right.

Is this your excuse to get that medical marijuana card you've been wanting so much? You mean as opposed to my chronic migraine headaches? Yeah. I mean, you know, you can power through those with traditional drugs, but I think a butt injury? I should go see the woman from the billboards, the marijuana doctor from the billboards. She is so pretty. She's very beautiful. The beautiful Armenian woman.

Yeah. And say, excuse me, ma'am. My name's Jesse Thorne. I have chronic migraine headaches. Can I have a pot card? She'll say no. Yes, she will say yes. Well, I got a butt bruise.

And she'll be like, yeah. All right. Toe cup chong. Here's some dank thugs. I think you can go into that office and go, and you'll get a card. In fact, I might know that that's the case. Just go in there and say, not high enough.

Oh, I'm sorry, sir. Here. Right away. Here's your card. It's not super difficult. Yeah. First, harsh no mellows. Right. Yeah. Do no harm, harsh no mellows.

Right. Do no harm. Harsh no mellows. Yeah. Yeah. But you know what? I think that despite my lack of a marijuana card, despite the fact that I've got this bruise on my butt, we have the great Judy Greer here. I think we're going to have a great time.

Yeah. Well, I was also going to say, is this, you know, is this, and I don't want to, you know, dip my toes too far into the jacuzzi that is your marriage. Oh. But. And it is a hot and bubbly jacuzzi. Sure, yeah. And is this maybe. Filthy, filthy water. Yeah, just really should be cleaned.

At this point, it's- You got to change the filter on that marriage. At this point, it's like less water and more like a bouillon. Sure, just like skin flakes. Like a broth. Urine. Yeah. I mean, is this the excuse for things to get a little spicy?

So you have this bruised butt. Maybe you need a lotion applied. Maybe you need an ointment or a salve, a balm. Maybe I could get into poke play. What's that? That's where you poke bruises sexually. Oh, I thought that was... Is that a thing?

Yeah, it is now. I like to poke people's bruises, but it doesn't do anything for me sexually. I just like to do it because it's annoying to people. You're a non-sexual masochist. I guess so. By the way, yesterday I was in the ladies' room with a girlfriend of mine. Sadist, forgive me. Sadist.

And she peed and said that her pee looked like chicken broth and that she needed to drink more water. Wow. And I thought that was a really – I was impressed. I thought it was a great description. Yeah. I knew exactly what she meant. I mean, I can see the pee now. Right?

Yeah. It makes sense. I can almost taste it. That's my story about pee. It's really good. Thanks, guys. I am really... Back to the butt?

As someone who had a... As long as we're talking about our regions. Sure. As someone who had a kidney stone at a very young age. Yeah. I heard it's really painful. It's the worst. Yeah, it's the worst.

I think women who complain about childbirth are sissies. Wow. Because there's some hot takes today. Yeah. No, I think mothers are very brave and we should all cherish. No, I'm anti-mother. Send them a delightful basket of Sherry's berries. An edible bouquet?

Yeah, edible arrangement. Uncles are nothing for me. Yeah. All uncles all the time. Yeah. What was I talking about? Oh, my kidney stone. Yeah. All uncles all the time. What was I talking about? Oh, my kidney stone. Yeah. I always I always am someone who who takes note of my pee and its clarity. Right. Because of that time. Right. Yes. And I and, you know, I got a talking to from the doctor about, you know, my hydration. And he you know, I always remember him talking about you need that pee to be clear.

Yeah. I obsess over clear pee. Yeah. The doctor told you to have clear pee? Yeah. I thought it just turns yellow if you have like potassium or something. Well, if your pee is like- Talking about cloudy?

Yeah. Cloudy is bad. But you, like the clearer your pee, like the more it looks like water, the more hydrated you are. Yeah. So any color or- Sure. Texture.

Odor or texture is NG. Let me ask you this. What if my pee is lumpy? It's probably not pee then. That is VD. Yeah. Oh, okay. Probably some other kind of-

Got it. How old were you when you had the kidney scan? By the way, good use of VD. Judy Greer, star of a World War II film strip. I heard someone say VD. Have you been lying with an unclean comfort woman? I think I heard it in a movie recently, and I was like, I want to bring back VD. Why not? I like that term.

I'm more interested in that than like STD. It's so all encompassing too. Because it also feels like an 80s movie. Like, oh my God, he has VD. What? He has VD and she's PG. Right? Now to take care of this RoboCop.

I'm going to have the hotel wash all my underpants snort sushi lamborghini let me ask you this p question oh did you need to answer your question i was like 25 i think when i had the kidney stone yeah where was it did it happen in chicago in his penis yeah which i call chic Chicago because it's so windy down there. I don't know what that means. It's a real deep dish penis. Wait, do you guys know why Chicago is called the Windy City? Because it's full of blowhards? Yes.

I believe. Sorry, I didn't mean to spoil the reveal. You did. I didn't actually know the thing about your neighbor. I knew that. It was also a stupid story. I was just trying to chime in because I felt like you guys were hogging the whole conversation. Sorry, Judy.

But truthfully, you're right about Chicago. It's the long-winded politicians. Oh. The end by me. But you weren't in Chicago when you had your— I was like in Connecticut. I was like working in Connecticut. Oh.

Yeah. So I was far from home, which made it a little bit tougher. Sure. But I think I'm more powerful because of it, and I'm very conscious of my pee. Did you keep your stone? No, I didn't. I should have asked to. In hindsight, people have asked me that, and I would love to just whip it out from a locket that's under my shirt at all times.

Like dipped in gold. Yeah. That'd be cool. I'd say less locket that's under my shirt at all times. Like dipped in gold. Yeah. That'd be cool. I'd say less locket, more power amulet. Sure. Yeah. Absolutely. Wait, what if you had it made into a gold tooth?

Oh, wow. Yeah. That's fun. I have my dog's teeth. He's dead. And I don't know what to do with them, but I want to do something awesome with them. How did you get them? They gave them to me.

Well, he was alive when they pulled them out because they were all rotten. Not all of them, just most of the bottom ones. But I guess the main ones. This is your dog, Gummy? No, Buckley. But they pulled out his bottom teeth and then they handed them to me after his cleaning. And so I've always wanted to, like, do a thing with them. Oh, wow.

But I don't know what to do. Sony do a dream catcher, might I suggest. I don't know if you know a shaman or just like an older divorcee. Like I know a couple, but not like a good one. I know this rich lady in Brentwood who, just kidding, that seems like a thing that they would do. It is. You're right. I think you're, yeah.

I was trying to get at something like that, too, but couldn't find the words rich lady in Brentwood. Right. You did find the word shaman, to your credit. I always say shaman. And I think the two of you. Am I saying it wrong? No, let's call the whole thing off. I'm out of here. You say shaman. I I saying it wrong? Let's call the whole thing off. I'm out of here.

You say shaman. I don't think anybody's wrong here. So, yeah. So when you said your friend that had broth pee, it was visceral for me. I mean, I was imagining having broth pee myself and the panic that it would send me into. I had full blood pee once. Oh, my gosh. Wow.

I did not have a stone, but I had a kidney infection. And I went to the clinic at school, like the school clinic that you go to when you're in college. And I was like, I went and signed in. And I was like, hi, this is like some blood in my urine. And she was like, okay, well, like give us a sample and then sit down and we'll call your name. But it was really all blood. So I did it and I put it in the window, my sample. And then I heard a nurse start screaming in the back.

Oh, no. And they were, like, screaming my name. Oh, my God. And then they made me take a taxi to the hospital and I had to go to the hospital. Oh, my God. Did you die to the hospital. Oh my God. Did you die? I did. Oh no.

No, I got better. Thank you for coming back here to have a catch with us. I got better, but that stuff is so scary and I feel like it might happen to young kids who are away from home because we're so dumb and we don't know how to take care of ourselves or something. I don't know. Wait, was this your fault that you got it? Was this because you were doing too many keg stands or something?

I don't know what happened. I think that, like, I just sort of didn't take very good care of myself for a couple weeks. Just, like, general. Maybe, like, I had, like, a little, like, bladder infection that I was, like, whatever. I'm, like, no one's taking this beer out of my hand. And then I just like ended up like, it went from like zero to like all in my kidneys. Were you a party animal? Um, no.

What, what, what college was this? It was DePaul University. Okay. Theater school at DePaul University. Known for their ragers? Uh, I don't think so. But you know theater kids. Oh, yeah.

Jesse and I did a little theater in college. Did you guys? I may have starred in a play that Jordan wrote and ruined it. It happened. Is it your biggest regret casting him in that? Yeah. I mean, I think I would be a lot further along in my career if only I had a different lead for my college play that I wrote. I thought, here's how I ended up starring in Jordan's play.

And really, it's Jordan's own fault that I ruined his play. I auditioned for this play because I needed – I was trying to coast out of college. This may have literally been my last quarter of college. And I thought, I'm going to coast on out of this thing. How can I get enough easy credits to finish up my degree? Because I was so done with learning. Right. Wait, what college is this?

The University of California at Santa Cruz So learning wasn't the top concern Right And Jordan told me Jordan and I were friends at the time Hosted a radio show together And Jordan told me Oh, well I have this one scene part

In my play that I wrote Lies And it's for an outrageous radio host, like a morning zoo DJ. If you audition, I'll pick you. So there was like a draft. It was like a mass audition because it was a student play thing.

I'll pick you and we'll give you that part. But unfortunately what happened is all the dudes got picked real quick and Jordan had several male leads in his thing. I've never written good roles for women. Yeah. It's something that I'm trying to change.

I'm looking at myself long and hard about. Yeah. But yeah, I just don't know. I just haven't met a lot of them. Really? I don't know what they would do in a given situation. A lot of good women? Just in general.

A lot of the women, I find that a lot of the women I meet are duplicitous. Big problem for me. Just duplicitous. Anyway. I'm right here. This is fake sexism. I'm like, okay. It's good.

Yeah. So then I ended up, and I was, you know, I mean, I was grateful that Jordan thought of me when all the talented actors were gone. But yeah, then I ended up with a real part in Jordan's play. I had not actually acted in at that point. I went to acting. I went to arts high school. So I acted through high school, but I was not great at it. And yeah, I had not acted

since then and yeah I feel like I ruined Jordan's play I'm sorry that I ruined your play I have very fond memories of that production I remember you being good in it and I remember it being a fun experience our friend Ashkahn directed it that was fun what was the name of the play?

this is tough I might need to call my mom to ask her what was the name of the play? Oof. Guys. This is tough. I might need to call my mom to ask her. What was the play about? There was two guys. It was about two guys who start a cult. Two goofy goofballs. Want to join my cult, maybe it was called?

It was called something like that. Let's start a cult. Let's join a cult. And Jesse played opposite a real live male model. Yes. No way. I sure did. Yeah.

Wow, that guy was something else. Very beautiful. God, gorgeous. Just carried around. This guy, this fucking guy carried around in college like it was nothing, like a parcel, like not a parcel, like a shoulder bag, You know, like one of those little shoulder bags? Like a little, like a little satchel. Like a satchel.

That's what I'm, he carried around a satchel. Like it, like it twerp no thang. Just carrying around a fucking satchel. Looked like a million fucking dollars. He was early to the faux hawk too. He beat. He had a faux hawk in a satchel? Yeah, he had a faux hawk in 2003, which was very early to have a faux hawk.

This is pre-Skrillex, mind you. And I know that what he has is not a faux hawk, but I'm looping in. I think it may have been pre-Beckham. Sure, could be. The popularizer of the faux hawk. Whatever happened to him? I mean, I assume he started a club yeah right judy what was your uh and when you were going to theater college what was your uh what was your do you have a role that you cherish oh certainly nothing that i wrote no um i once played a a eunuch i played yeah like a a blind eunuch in a play called the visit i think

maybe it's kind of famous they might have made it into a movie i was not in it yeah they did it's called game of thrones it's on hbo yeah i don't watch you're peter dinklage's friend we're buds yeah i was a blind eunuch once i played a nine-year-old boy with aids oh wow like the worst vd that is like the king yeah that's the real king of vd the The Game of Thrones of VD. That is the Game of Thrones of VD. Wow. I played Marilyn Monroe. I know you didn't ask for all my roles.

You asked for, like, one role. But I don't know. Because in theater school, I mean, I guess you guys know this. Like, you play everything. So when you come out of acting school, like, you have no you have no idea who you are or what you're good at. Because you play a 90-year-old man and a 9-year-old with AIDS. You would have preferred to have been typecast as a ditzy sexual deviant. I guess that's what I'm saying.

Yeah, I guess I really liked playing the nine-year-old boy with AIDS. That was fun. Yeah, it seems like that would be a hoot. He had so much energy until the end. Right. Whoa, spoilers. Oh, crap. Come on.

Crap. I'm behind on AIDS play. No, it was really something. So you just did all this different stuff that was super disparate. Did you feel like when you got out, you're like, okay, what kind of parts do I do? Well, I think then when you get out or when I got out, I thought that I could do anything. I think that's why actors sometimes who go to acting school think they can do anything. And you want to just be like, no, you can when there's only like seven girls to choose from because you have to.

But you can't now. Did you find that your wings were clipped? No. Oh, so you're still soaring. I feel pretty, like, I've been lucky. But, yeah, like, I can't play a boy on TV. Well, actually, things are changing. Wait a minute.

Maybe I could. Wait a minute. Somebody get could. Wait a minute. Somebody get Deadline on the phone. Told you. Yeah. Greer plays boy. Oh, my gosh. I was having a conversation with a coworker today about the kinds of theater kids.

She was a big theater kid, and we razz her a little bit for it sure uh and we were watching a video today at work of some really really embarrassing grade a dorks doing a lay miz flash mob at a train station in washington dc that's on youtube it is on YouTube. It is on YouTube. And if you want a pain pleasure experience that's like chewing on a cold sore that you watch. Wow. Feedy. Like dig into these misguided charisma dorks doing this Les Mis flash mob. How many are there? Is there even enough for it to be interesting?

There's maybe like a dozen. Oh, that's not enough. Yeah, I know. It's like, it's right. It's like, it's, you know, like when you watch an Improv Everywhere thing, it's impressive the pure volume of goofballs they are able to wrangle to goof around. I was in a musical for Improv Everywhere once. I was in a musical for Improv Everywhere once.

And, but this is just, you know, maybe somebody, maybe some people bailed at the last minute. Couldn't get off work or something. And so this Les Mis flash mob is, it just could not be. It's grownups. It is grownups. What are they saying? Do you hear the people sing? One more day to something, something. clearly you're in the flash mob i'm sorry i was i'm sorry i'm describing my own flash

mob i uh i've never seen les mis oh yeah it's a real snooze maybe that's why yeah that's so sad and that doesn't surprise me at the same time. And we were razzing this coworker of mine because, you know, it's kind of a these are your people, right? And she was saying that these are not her people. And I think it was one of those things is when you – when people try and lump you in with a dork that you are not. Right. it's especially hurtful because you're like I see how close to this

type of dork I am even though I consider myself not of them what Freud called the narcissism of small differences of course possibly Jung could be Freud, could be Jung could be bottom of a Snapple cap

hard to say could be Yogi tea. Oh, they got some great wisdom on those. I know a girl who my friends and I say she speaks in Yogi tea bag. Like that's like her main form of communication is like just like walking up to you and saying, you know, like heaven starts with your smile. Like that. And you're like. It starts with your smile.

It goes like that. And you're like, ugh. You know, those do really have a lot of, like, really just, like, careful wisdom on them. And that's the first place I heard Eatin' Ain't Cheatin'. What? Without a Yogi tea bag. Really? Yeah. And it's one of my core values to this day.

Wait, no, it wasn't. It's not. I'm joking. That's a very crass phrase. I know, but I was all excited. I was like, maybe wasn't. It's not. I'm joking. That's a very crass phrase. I know, but I was all excited. I was like, maybe I'm getting the wrong tea. Because my yogi tea, the licorice root and

the skin detox. You gotta go with bone zone. Yogi bone zone. Yeah, yogi bone zone. That's where you get eaten. Jizz it up. That's great. Liquor in the front, poker in the rear. Right. Wow, that's good. I learned on my yogurt that more people die every year from getting hit in the head with a coconut than a shark attack.

Wow. Wow, that seems almost like a threat coming from the yogurt thing. Was it coconut-flavored yogurt? No. But, yeah, that was something I learned, and I really like that fact a lot. What's this brand of yogurt? We actually talk a lot about yogurt brands on the show. This one, I believe, is there something called Stonyfield?

Yeah. I feel like it was. Yeah, Stonyfield Farms. That's a classic yogurt brand. I feel like it was that one, but now I'm like, it was like two apartments ago. So I remember where I was standing when I read it, and I remember going, hmm. Yeah.

Well, the good news is most of our listeners mark the passage of time with your apartments. This was the one on Glen Holly, everyone. Got it. The Glen Holly apartment. We had some good times in that place. It's one of those things, it's like smells, just the emotions and memories come pouring back. They really do. The plumbing wasn't good, but boy, the parties were. those things is like smells just the emotions and memories come pouring back they really they

really do the plumbing wasn't good but boy the parties were i had this deck that when it was like a detached deck from my apartment and it was one of those houses built in the hills and then someone had divided it into three apartments like the owner and so um the woman who lived in there before me she had never done anything with this deck. And he was like, I really hope you do something with this deck because it's so cool. And I was like, hello, like totally doing something with the deck. But I didn't either. For like five years I lived there, I never even put like one piece of furniture on the deck.

And it's still like I don't know why. Do you ever stop by to check up on how the new owners or new renters are treating the deck? No, I never did. I kind of... You probably should. You know, there was a better apartment. The top apartment was better and I kept thinking that that girl was going to move in with her boyfriend and then she never

did. She did so much with her deck. But her deck was attached. Deceitful. Anyway, whatever. I was just thinking Deceitful. I know. Anyway, whatever. I was just thinking about that apartment recently. I think you should go back because you might get a great punchline. Like what if you went back and the new tenants put a bounce house on the deck? It would be really dangerous because it's like kind of high.

Bounce right off that deck. I think that's the worst thing to put on that deck. But I also – Yeah, if you were to bounce into the wall wrong, it would tip. Yeah. Well, it was like – it was on to bounce into the wall wrong, it would tip. Yeah, well, it was like... It was on top of... There's just... You would die.

You would bounce. You know, even maybe like one of those small rebounding trampolines might not be safe up there. But I wonder if anyone did anything with it. I also set my whole bathrobe

on fire in that apartment while I was wearing it once because I was making tea and I was like the burner was going and it was not an expensive bathrobe. So it like all went up in flames and then all went out at the same time. What? Have you – you know, there's like this fire. So it just turned to ash around you?

Well, like it singes everything. Like have you ever like dropped like a burning item on one of those horrible comforters in a hotel room? No. No. I don't have a lot of open flames in hotel rooms. Let's just say for fun you're smoking a joint in a hotel room. For instance. And it's like a shitty hotel and it has that shitty comforter on the bed that you should take off anyway, but you didn't.

Sure. Because of the jizz. Go on. And then let's say drop that. And then like, there's like this flame retardant thing that cut like this chemical that like covers the whole thing, but it actually like bursts up in flames first before it completely goes away.

Wow. It was, I also was really stoned. So maybe, maybe I'm remembering it wrong. But in my memory, like the whole thing went up in flames but then immediately extinguished itself. Let's say. If that happened.

But the same thing happened with my cheap bathrobe in that same apartment, the end, by me. Well, it's good that you're using these flame-retardant products to go that match perfectly your risky lifestyle. Open flames, hard drugs, poor lifestyle choices. The women in my family historically like fire. Okay. Well, that's something we're going to have to get into in the next segment. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. We'll be back in just a second.

It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Judy Greer, America's best friend. It's true. It's good. Hey, guess what, Jordan? We got something up on the Jumbotron this week. I'd love to hear about it. Well, it is for Mike from Bo.

And the message that Mike would like to send to Bo. That's definitely Bo Jackson? I should hope so. Yeah. Well, Bo knows. Great messages. Yeah. It's probably Bo Jackson, right?

100%. Is he the most famous Bo I mean there's Bo the White House dog Bo Bridges it could be from Bo

the White House dog to Mike yeah his friend Mike his friend Mike comes over sometimes to drink

beers and watch basketball in his dog cave hey Mike Bo would like to wish you a happy quarter of a century You old man

I hope that you have a wonderful day Filled with Oreo kisses, podcasts, chicken And treats Sounds like he's talking to a dog You bring so much joy into my life And I can't wait to celebrate many more birthdays together P.S. I hope you can forgive Jesse For wanting to punch you in the face

He means well. Is that about you? Or is that like another one of their friends? I have no idea what's going on. This is the most baffling Jumbotron in the history of Jordan, Jesse, go. Between that list of dog activities. I guess Oreo kisses. I guess you wouldn't want to give a dog Oreos.

What the hell is an Oreo kiss? Is that where you chew up an Oreo and then, la, la, la, tongue kiss someone? Because dogs can't have chocolate, right? But I can't imagine there's a ton of actual chocolate in an Oreo. That's true. There's not. That's why I eat Oreos once in a while, even though I'm not supposed to have chocolate.

Why aren't you supposed to have chocolate? Migraine trigger. You and your migraines. It's all you talk about. I know. What can I say? We get it I have a god awful nightmarish disability So we don't know what any of this means Jesse I don't know if you've threatened to punch Mike in the face before

I'll punch him if that's what this is about I never punched a man but I'll start Well anyway, hope you guys enjoyed your thing. It's sort of like, I think the Jumbotron is sort of like prison. You got to punch somebody right up top, show them you mean business, and then nobody's going to mess with you from there on out. I think it's code for people in prison, and you might have just done something really, really naughty, dude.

Wow. You might have signaled a shanking. Yeah. Can I tell you, when I worked in the mayor's office in san francisco in high school mayor's office in san francisco we get it you have a migraine in the office my butt yeah uh one like uh i was just you know i was unpaid intern so they just give me miscellaneous things and it was the office that i worked in was the one where like if you send a letter to the mayor or you call the mayor and from the phone book it's the first people that answer uh called neighborhood services and uh one of my big accomplishments was getting the san francisco

49ers to send a set of schedules to a guy who was in prison uh that had all of the seating charts cut out because they weren't allowed to get maps in the mail. What's a real feather in your cap? Yeah. No. What? Just on the subject of sending secret messages to prisons. But like now I'm kind of into this idea because podcasts like yours would be an excellent way to send secret messages.

Oh, boy. People never suspect the podcast. Do you think they have iPods in prison? Well. In iTunes to like update it? I bet they have iPod shuffles. Like minimum security prison. They probably have shuffles.

Like an old shuffle. I mean, something that you could fit up your butt. Like that red one that Bono made. Totally. You could fit a red Bono up your butt. Yeah. You could totally get into prison with a red Bon butt. Like that red one that Bono made. Totally. You could fit a red Bono up your butt. Yeah. You could totally get into prison with a red Bono. Yeah, that's perfect for hooping.

Totally. I think it's happening, and I think you just did it. I just put a red Bono. No, I feel like this is a really good way for people to get. People in prison can have iPads, can't they? Or like, sorry, get like iTunes. No, you don't think so? I think it probably

depends on the prison. We're talking about jails, we're talking about prisons. You could definitely get Tidal, but I don't know about iTunes. Tidal's awesome. Do you guys have it? No. I do not have Tidal. I love it. Are you a legitimate Tidal owner? Legitimate. Nice to

meet someone finally. I bought it hook, line, and sinker. I really 100% believe that the sound quality is better. I'm like a total believer. Because Rihanna told you? No. We did a test. Really?

In the car. A title test. I like that you did an A-B test. We did an A-B test in my husband's Volt. And he has a pretty decent sound system in his Volt. He got the nice package, Volt. And we did a test with the same song

once played on Tidal, once played on iTunes. The Tidal was better. It sounded amazing. Amazing. I'm in. I have to say, on my little Sonos speakers, you can't tell as much, but surround... In that volt.

In that volt. Ooh, you got to hear it in a volt. Yeah. But I truly think it's good. Okay. That's how I feel. Well, first of all, if you're getting a kickback from this, we don't appreciate you doing an ad in the middle of our ads.

Sorry. I don't, though. I really don't. I'd love to. I would. We're sponsored by those Neil Young cubes. Yeah. So you're talking about, yeah, he's invented a lossless.

A compression for audio. Digital. That's only for his B-sides and live tracks. Oh, are you really sponsored? I'm so sorry. No, we're not. We don't have sponsors. We just wished some guy happy birthday.

Oreo cookie kisses. Yeah. We spent literally a third of our show just now talking about happy birthday wishes for a guy whose friend gave us $100. This could be a romantic partner. Between all of us. I'm getting part of this money? No.

I'm telling you, we have to split it up. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's 50 for me, 50 for Jordan, nothing for Christian, and nothing for you. Nothing for me. So four ways. Fair enough. Yeah.

Got to split it up four ways. Okay. That seems fully fair. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you You may know me from my true TV show, Adam Ruins Everything. Well, guess what? Now we're doing a podcast version right here on Maximum Fun. What we do is we take all the interesting, fascinating experts that we talked to for just a couple minutes on the show, and we sit with them for an entire podcast, really going deep and getting into the fascinating details of their work.

Find Adam Ruins Everything wherever you get your podcasts or at MaximumFun.org. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Judy Greer, America's best friend. Okay, Jordan. Yes. Something momentous happened to me. Let's hear it.

We're about to do our signature segment, Momentous Occasions. So why not kick it off with one of your own? Yeah, so I don't know how to parse this, and I don't know if I made the right decision or the wrong decision,

but I'm just going to throw it out there, and I'm going to ask you because I trust the two of you. Okay. You know, Jordan, you and I have been working together for...

Since the play. Mm-hmm. Almost 20 years now. On theater projects, audio... What have you. Theater projects, audio. What have you. Sure. Boats.

And Judy, I really liked you when I met you that other time. Yeah, me too. I liked you too. Thank you. And so I trust your judgment. I need your insight on this. So I was driving to work earlier this week. The morning, but mid-morning. I'd done some exercising.

These are all important details. Jordan, the tail of the tape is in the detail. That's what I always say. That's one of my favorite Yogi T-Bag sayings. My favorite aphorism.

So I'm driving down Wilshire Boulevard in Los Angeles, and the car in front of me slows dramatically. It's not a busy road, but not an empty road. The car in front of me slows dramatically. I come up sort of close behind it because we're sort of in the middle of the block. And there's a woman driving. Why does it have to be a woman? Man in the passenger seat. There's a man in the passenger seat.

Jesse just writes good roles for women in all of his anecdotes. And the woman, without taking her eyes off the road, punches the dude in the passenger seat. Wow. Face? Like fully face. Wow. That's the greatest story in the world. Is this 100% true?

This is all true. So punches him. And I see him kind of, you know, try and defend himself. But not, he doesn't hit her. And she wails at him again. But again, her eyes are on the road. So she's not doing a great job of punching. But they do appear to be real punches.

So I'm like, oh, fuck. What's going on? But then they go back to driving normally. And I'm like, well, I guess I don't have to do anything. And then probably three seconds later, like three full seconds, one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, the car stops completely. They do not put on their hazard lights. Oh, boy. And she turns and starts punching the shit out of this dude.

Wow. Meanwhile, traffic's a little busier, and I have to decide what do I do? Do I put on my hazard lights and call 911? What's going on? Where do I tell them to go? They say, look for a blue Tercel somewhere near or I'm on their tail. Is that what I say? Sure.

No, I put on my left-hand turn signal and went around them and went to work. Wow. Yeah, that's a tough one. Let me ask you. Oh, sorry. Please. I mean, I know. I guess I would be.

I mean, I guess I think if they pulled over and he felt like he was in true danger, he would get out and run. Yeah. Would. Yeah. I have to interrupt. Please interrupt. What would you have done if it was a dude punching a girl?

I would have called the cops if it was a dude punching a girl, which is maybe sexist of me. I think it is sexist. She didn't seem to be doing that much damage, but she was a stout woman. She wasn't a slight woman. Probably does CrossFit. She was putting something behind her punches. Zumba, she probably does. Yeah.

That seems fun. Maybe. That's a great i mean best case scenario this is a dom sub relationship yeah dude's into it just wants to be randomly punched while he's taking a ride did not look into it oh he was dressed up like a dog i should mention that well that's something you gotta so maybe a face punch is part of his. Maybe he piddled on the carpet. Yeah. He's been a bad boy. Now, I know we are on the cusp. We're teetering on the cusp of momentous occasions. But I realized that we dug up a conversational bone.

Uh-huh. But we have not unearthed it totally. Uh-huh. And really quickly, I'd like to excavate this. Just so people don't fucking freak out and ask us to finish this. We'll get to the momentous occasions. Fire. We need to talk about

fire. You mentioned that the women in your family like to set fires. Was that just a hilarious remark or is there some truth behind that? We like to burn things. Go on. Well, you know, in Ohio where my mother's side of the family is from.

What are we talking about? Columbus? God, I wish. Akron? No. I've run out of cities in Ohio. Ohio City. Like just since we're in tangent land, I was reading about how Akron, Ohio is like one of the best places to live if you're single. Oh.

Really? Yeah. Because there's just tons of rock hard cocks and dripping puss? Ew. I hate the word puss. Any other word for that. Got it. And nasty turd cutters.

If you're into a big old dumper. And fat, sloppy lips. If you like it to feel like a hot dog down a hallway, Akron is the city for you. And tight, inviting ear canals. I was reading on this lady. And totally effable APs. And VDs. And VDs.

On this, what is it? A website or a blog or something? Mydomain.com, I think. They had an article about like if you're single, like the best cities to live in. And I was reading this today and I was noticing. So you're thinking about divorcing your husband and moving to Akron. I know.

That sounds really bad. But like I was thinking it was really fascinating because that was like a city that I was like, oh, Akron. There's like one in there's a city in Arizona

because they said that actually like the big cities are not I have a lot of single friends. And they're always like, oh, I don't want to meet guys. So I feel like maybe they should move to Akron. Anyway, the city in Ohio is called Cary, Ohio, spelled C-A-R-E-Y.

And that's where my mom's side of the family is from. And there, I don't know if you're still allowed anymore, but like everyone burned their rubbish. You know, you have like a big whatever, like oil drum. Is that like a hobo? Right now I'm picturing Sylvester Stallone's brother in Rocky. Right? I don't remember. They're all huddled around in an oil drum fire singing doo-wop.

Yeah, but no, but this is all like farm women. Right. But doo-wop singers, right? No. The Orioles? Right. But doo-wop singers, right? No. The Orioles? No. What doo-wop group were they in? My family.

Frankie Valli? Zero. The Four Seasons? Zero doo-wop group. So then why do they have the oil can fires? That's what you burn your trash in, so it doesn't set your whole farm on fire. And you sing the doo-wop songs. No. No? No, but sing the doo-wop songs. No.

No? No, but I love doo-wop. So your grandmother was a trash burner. Yeah, and her mother. I didn't mean that to sound like a slur. It was not. One of those lazy trash burners. She was a burner of the trash.

Her mother burned trash. My mom and aunts love to burn trash. And one day, like, I love to set things on fire, like, light things on fire if I can. Sure. Or, like, I wouldn't say light things on fire. I like to put things in a fire. Okay. Okay?

So, like, my dream is the fire's already going. You don't have to, you know, get it going. You could use a roaring fire already. You could just toss the corpse on there. Yeah. And I was, like, telling my mom. Cor's a roaring fire already. You can just toss the corpse on there. Yeah. And I was like telling my mom. Corpse? No. Photograph that reminds you of a rough time in your life.

Sure. Or, yeah. Memory you'd rather forget. Script pages or whatever. I wish it was legal to burn more things. But anyway, I was telling my mom this one time. And she goes, oh, honey, don't you know? And I was like, what?

She's like, that's how we are. It's our way. It's like finding out you're a Highlander. Jesus Christ. Usually they give you a little envelope that says that at your bat mitzvah. No. Now you're a trash burner. Yeah.

Like your mother and her mother before her. Yeah. So it all makes sense now. And so the fire thing doesn't totally freak me out. Nice. You know, it's in you. It's in me. Like the music.

Yeah. There's the music and then there's the fire. Right. Now I have like a full paranoia that I didn't blow out the candle before I left to come here. Full paranoia. You're fine. You're fine. It's out, right?

It's totally out. There's no candles allowed You're fine. It's out, right? It's totally out. There's no candles allowed in the dorms anyway. Yeah, right? That's what you think. Oh, shit. What on earth? That's the fire burning story.

That's really good. It was great. No, thank you. It's not even really a story. It's just like a thing. Yeah. Some background. It's like a little dossier.

No, thank you. I feel like I get. It's just like a thing. Yeah. Some background. It's like a little dossier. No, thank you. I feel like, you know, I get, you know, I'm one step closer to assembling the puzzle that's you. But, like, have you been to, like, the farms in Ohio? I have never been to Ohio. No, I can't say that I've ever been to the farms of Ohio. Like, I wouldn't. I mean, I would go if you're nearby, definitely. But, like, Ohio is farmy, and it is really beautiful, and, like, there's a lot that you can burn there.

They put chili on spaghetti. Sure. Do they? I've never had that. Yeah, it's Cincinnati style. Cincinnati, Ohio. Cincinnati is, like, barely Ohio. It's more like Kentucky.

That's, like, fancy. You just ate raw noodles. Yeah. You didn't cook them? We fancy. You just ate raw noodles. Yeah. You didn't cook them. We certainly didn't put chili on there. No. We just crunched into those raw nudies. I've seen chickens with their heads cut off.

I've seen cows being butchered. I've fed milk to little baby goats. Who were later decapitated. And lambs. So far, this sounds fucking awesome. It's pretty great. It's kind of cool. Man.

And there's all these hot singles running around. And then you can go to Akron. In like an hour and a half, you can be in Akron just boning hard. Check out all those hot holes and rods and cones. Should we go back to the... Are we describing how the eye works? I am still not clear on what sex is. I will be perfectly honest.

I'm just saying anatomy words. Tibialis anterior. I don't know. Is that why you keep buying bifocals and then just giving those, like raising and lowering your eyebrows? Like, ah? Am I having sex?

That's a fancy word, tibialis. Yeah. Tibialis anterior. What's that? I think that is your finger bones. Oh. Yeah. I could be wrong, though.

Anterior cruciate ligament? Certainly don't want to be corrected. Our engineer happens to have gone to over one year of nursing school. What? And he is shaking his head. No. Emphatically no. Okay, I'll get corrected from Christian because I know him.

Yeah. He's not just some guy with a Goku avatar on Twitter. No, he's some guy with a Pokemon hat. Pokemon hat. Thank you very much. What is the Tibialis interior? Oh, I thought you were going to say which Pokemon. It's Pikachu.

Yeah. Front of the leg. It's the front of the leg. Front the leg front of the leg anyway got it should we take a call yeah let's take our first momentous occasion hey jordan hey jesse stealing from alaska uh momentous occasion i was just at a mcdonald's and a guy was on the phone and he was shouting into the phone, hey mom, the goats are fine, get off my ass about your goddamn goats. You love them so much, you come up here and you feed them yourself because I'm done with your fucking goats. And then he left.

And it was the best thing that's ever happened to me. And yeah, alright. Thank you guys so much much I love the show bye holy shit Judy you ever have that problem with your mom setting your goats on fire cause he's such a fire bug no but I'm so jealous

when I hear stories like that or like the punching in the car story I'm so jealous which parties are you who do you want to be in those situations? You really wish you could unload on your husband? The next time he's insisting on doing an A-B test in the old vault. I'm jealous of you guys for witnessing that greatness.

It's fabulous. It's great. Mine was more terrifying and sad. Oh. I think, honestly, like, I think I, there's like, I think if I were from, what was the name of the town in Ohio? Cary. If I were from Cary, Ohio, I might have gotten up in that business. up in that business.

I think in a small town, you know the people and there's an expectation that if something's going down, you should be involved because you're involved in things. I don't know if it's all of Ohio or just the county, like Wyandotte County where Carrie is. If you get a DUI, they put a different color license plate on your car. Wow. So in this town of 2,000 people. What happens if you commit adultery? Some sort of spinning hat? In a town of 2,000 people, you know everyone in town and everyone has like half the people. I'm not going to say half, but then you just know everyone who,

I mean, not that anyone would know anyway. I just found that to be fascinating. When I was working in downtown San Francisco, I had a temp job for the Department of Elections and one of the dudes was this big dude who had just like blown into town. Like one thing about having temp government work is it's just like anyone who can get it together to like fill out a form and put it in and they just pick it out of a hat or something. It's a real weird group of people that you're working with and uh we were walking down the street in the tenderloin in san francisco and there was this dude uh like with his head through a window of a car like throwing stuff out of the car and uh i remember so vividly this this dude i was with i mean it was like a big dude, but he said, we got to do something. I was like, like what? And he fully like went after the dude. He's like, hey, is that your car?

And the dude took his head out and he goes like, and he goes like, yeah, it's my car. It was obviously not his car. I want to make that abundantly clear that it was definitely not his car. And he goes, yeah, it's my car. And the guy I was working with was like, I don goes yeah it's my car and uh the guy was working with was like i don't think it's your car man and the guy said whatever and just leaves whoa and i was like oh my god no don't say anything no no no no like my like hood blinders came on like a hundred percent

like no you just run the other way like when shit's going down you hide hide hide hide hide hide yeah and i think that's how i felt when i when i saw that lady punching that dude like oh well uh gotta get out of here yeah but like i think you've got a big heart and big courage and you would have done something judy well i don't think i would have like a i don't know what i would have done. I honestly don't know. But, like, yeah. I always assumed that it's some sort of sexual relationship.

So I think I would have just told myself the Dom sub story and then just went about my day. We should explain. Being glad that that man could get a boner. Yeah. If you're a new listener or Judy, you've only met Jordan recently, you should know, just contextually, that he has an incredibly vivid erotic imagination. Yeah, if you're a new listener or, Judy, you've only met Jordan recently, you should know just contextually that he has an incredibly vivid erotic imagination. Yeah, that's pretty clear.

I write most of those Fifty Shades of Grey. Oh, most of them? Yeah. There's three. He wrote one through 40. Yeah, I'll farm some of them out. Just a temporary election worker wrote the last 10. I have a picture of an extra on set, sitting in the corner reading one of those. She was playing a housekeeper.

It was kind of amazing. I don't know where that picture is. There was a time when everyone in the world was holding a copy of that book. I know. I bought it. I never read it, or I haven't yet. I might still. I don't know.

But then my husband was like, you have a Kindle. Why wouldn't you buy that for your Kindle? Why did you buy the hardcover? I was like, actually, I don't know. That's a really good question. I have no idea. I just was like, oh, I want to get that. It is amazing that once they became,

like the covers of them are pretty benign. You know, it's just like a sheet and, you know, a wand or something. It's amazing that even... Sheet and a wand. I've seen these in airport. Got it. Okay, it's definitely a sheet and a wand. I've written these.

I've approved the covers myself. Right. a sheet in a wand. I've written these. I've approved the covers myself. Right. That even when it became common knowledge that these were, you know, bondage-y sex steamers,

that people would still just read them on airplanes. I would be too embarrassed. Would you watch Game of Thrones on an airplane? I would not, no. What about just like, what about, would you watch an R-rated movie, like on your laptop or whatever, and you're not sure if it's going to have like some nudity in it? Like it's not like, it's not like you're not watching like Silk Stalking. Sure.

Right. Like an unexpected. Red Shoe Diaries. Yeah yeah you're not watching manuel in space hbo's real sex sure but you think it it's r-rated and it might have like some nudity in it or some steaminess in it or some like uh gunplay whatever yeah i would i mean i think i would be okay watching something that had violence if there wasn't, like, kids, you know, in my peripheral. But yeah, I definitely, like, I mean, I feel like I have

a couple of comics in my comic roll that'll maybe have some cartoon J's in them. That's Chugs. Got it. And yeah, I definitely do not want to read. I have a couple of plane trips coming up, and I'm like, oh, I am definitely going to try and get through these J comics before I get on the plane.

Yeah, I brought the comic book Saga on a plane once. Sure. And I'm just going through it. And then there's just this whole childbirth spread. And it's like, uh. Yeah, because definitely like, I think society rightfully. Yeah. I'm going to go ahead and side with society on this one. Right. You should be careful of someone who's into cartoon porno.

Yeah. And I am not into these sexually. Right. I like them for the stories and the articles, of course. Sure. But yeah, but I think if I did not know that a saga or a Sex Criminals or a Rat Queens was a well-reviewed piece of legitimate culture, I would say, who's this fucking masturbator next to me? Yeah, because if you're sitting there reading Run, Rabbit, Run or whatever, it's probably got a few deep-deckered scenes. Sure.

I'm so out of this conversation because I don't know what you guys are talking about. Oh, I'm talking about John Updike. Thank you very much. I know what comic books are. Right. Yeah. I just don't know the ones you're talking about. Yeah.

Well, we're talking about comic books that- Are you talking more about like graphic novels? Yes. We're talking about very classy comic books here. Super graphic novels. I want to be clear. Yeah, well, we're talking about comic books that... Are you talking more about, like, graphic novels? Yes, we're talking about very classy comic books here. Super graphic novels. I want to be clear. Yeah, very graphic. We're talking about the classiest stratum of the comic book firmament.

Okay. But sometimes there would be, like, yeah, cartoon porn parts in there. Not like E Johnsons. Sure. And I think I'm going back now to the feeling of, like, not being that nerd. I'm like, listen, there's guys who want to watch Sonic the Hedgehog crank it. Right. I want to read a classy comic book where occasionally somebody's cranking it.

Yeah. You're embarrassing Christian, by the way. How do you guys read on planes? Are you like holding it up like this? I lick my thumb every time I turn the page. I read out loud. I can't read to myself.

I'm a child who has to read out loud. You should take off your clothes completely to go to the bathroom. I can't see. Braille books are super heavy. So I usually just give it to the person sitting next to me and ask them to read it out loud to me. Because it seems – and I don't know how large the books are that you're talking about or like how close you're sitting to the people next to you. But like it seems like you could read these books and not – Like under a sheet? And kind of go undetected.

The thing is, is like – Am I wrong about this? I think like if – Do I sound so stupid? If you are reading a comic book or if you are watching a genre film or if you have a giant beard and are bald, you're constantly on the alert for people thinking you're a creepo Like you really got to take care that strangers don't think you're a creepo How do you manage that? Oh, I fail consistently

Yeah, I think the general consensus among people who have passed by me Is that I'm probably some kind of creepo So like if you're getting on a plane and there's three seats people who have passed by me is that I'm probably some kind of creepo. So like if you're getting on a plane and there's three seats and you're like a mom and her kid, that she would not put her kid next to you. She would sit next to you. They would talk to the flight attendant. About moving?

For a different seat, yeah. Okay. Because they probably see that I probably got some kind of graphic novel in my seat back pocket in no amount of saying, ma'am, I'm a public radio host. Right. Right. Will. I'm preparing for a big interview with this respected creator of high culture. And this artist.

Hi. I have Dan Clow's email address, ma'am. I'm Susan Wilson. There you go. Cool. Yeah. So Wilson. There you go. Cool. Yeah. So, whatever. Yeah.

Anyway. We have one more call. Oh. Let's hear it. Well, hello, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. It's Renee Colbert from fellow Max Fun Podcast, Can I Pet Your Dog? Hello. Hey, listen.

Everyone knows Jordan is a beloved a beloved enemy of our show. We had him on back in January for Big Cats vs. Dogs debate, and despite every attempt to make it biased and unfair, he still won. Can you pause this, Christian? So Renee, so you know, is the host of another show in our network, Can I Pet Your Dog? One of the most lovely, charming, delightful shows that you could ever hope to listen to, especially as a dog lover yourself. Now, Jordan, of course, is a cat owner. He's got a wonderful cat named Bug. And so there was a major crossover event in which Jordan debated with Renee and Allegra from Can I Pet Your Dog about what was better, cats or dogs?

So that's just context for Renee calling into our program. Sounds like Jordan won. Yeah, I think Jordan sounds like Jordan did. Should we listen to the rest of this? Okay, sorry. I think Jordan sounds like Jordan. Should we listen to the rest of this? Okay, sorry. A few weeks back when I saw in the description that Jordan was having some trouble with Thug,

I tuned in hoping to get some intel, some strong audio evidence of when we have him on again. Maybe cats are great, but they keep you up at night. So I was listening to your show on my phone, and my phone was in my hoodie pocket. And while I was listening, there was a spider. I killed it. I put it in the toilet. I flushed. When I turned around there was a clunk. Your show stopped and when I turned back around my phone was gone. I looked all over the bathroom. I checked the trash. I was dog sitting at the time. I pried his poor mouth open to see if maybe he ate it. But after about three minutes, I had to accept, I literally flushed your show completely down the toilet. There is a little bit of a silver lining. I called my landlord in alive and said,

the toilet's suddenly not working. He called the plumbers. The plumbers came over. I lied to them. I said that I had a party. And one of my guests went missing, and a child probably flushed it. They were probably looking for a phone. They found it. They got it back. The phone was completely ruined, but we had a good laugh. They said, it's the first time it's ever happened. I thought they bonded.

I thought that they would cover for me. But the next day, I got a call from my landlord saying, hey, nothing wrong with your toilet. The plumber's found your phone, and it's going to cost $90. So I flushed her show completely down the toilet, but it was a $90 plumber's fee slash spoonful of karma for trying to cheat. Okay. Thanks, guys. Love the show. Yeah.

I can understand. I think she deserved that. Sounds like she just got an IRL example of a yogi tea lesson. Yeah, that's absolutely what happened. I was about to talk about lies, but she did it for me. Yeah. So many lies. We all learned a certain thing about breaking one of the Lord's commandments. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife.

Yeah, exactly. Guns, that you're allowed to have guns. We should explain. Jordan is married to his cat, Bug. Yeah. Bug? Yeah. You're not married.

No, we're not. We're just roommates and close friends. Does your cat think he's the dog? No, I don't like that either. Does your cat think he's the big cat? Yeah. No, she's fine. She's just a nice cat.

Is your cat just like a cat in a human's body? She is that. I do consider her a cat in a human's body. Those are all. I do consider her a cat in a human's body. Those are all the things. Oh, I have a slave. I should say. I've purchased an Eastern European teen runaway. I call it my cat.

Her name's Bug. Her name is Bug. I hate when people say that. I think it is demeaning to cats when people do the, my cat is just like a dog. My husband's dog, and he will always say this, is 100% dog, knows he's a dog, loves being a dog, loves being the exact size that he is, feels like really good about being a dog, is a dog. Like has a super positive body image? Is that what you're saying?

Well, he shouldn't, but he does. Are you fat shaming your husband's dog? Well, we put him on this medication that I secretly am dying to take, but...

And it's affected his beach bod. He's gotten thinner. His ass is still completely square, but he's lost the weight. My dog has a big butt. I've never met a dog with a big butt before until I met Nacho.

That's my dog's name. My dog Coco has a big butt, so that's two big dog butts. Wait, what kind of dog is Coco? She is like a terrier-chihuahua mix, but with a big butt. With a big butt? My other dog, Sissy, often people ask if they're related. They're not related, but Sissy does not have a big butt. But Coco's got a nice fat rumpus there.

So does Nacho. Yeah. It's nice when you're patting her flank. Sure. Something there, you know? Something to grab onto. You got it. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You know what's going on. Sure. Not sexually, just like roommates. No, yeah, just like a couple of roommates. Just give her like a little... Like roommates and good friends.

If you have a momentous occasion to share with us, our telephone number, 206-984-4FUN. You don't have to be one of the hosts of Can I Pet Your Dog? But it does help. 206-984-4FUN. Put it in your phone so that you can call us when something momentous happens. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris. What detective? Judy Greer. Judy Greer. You didn't have your same nickname? You don't need to change it? Really? I felt like I should mix it up. No, we don't change it.

No, no. Judy Greer, America's best friend. See, it's great. Yeah. It's accurate. Mm-hmm. Everyone loves Judy Greer. My husband made it up.

Mm. Mm. Mm. Sounds like you guys are pretty close He told me I was not America's sweetheart That I was America's best friend You've been friend zoned by America By America's casting directors maybe Oh yeah them

Them Yeah Well hey I have great news for you. I mean, look, we're rounding out this episode now. But you're one of the stars of the television show Archer. Yes, I am. And it's one of my favorite television shows, one of Jordan's favorite television shows, too. Thanks, guys.

It's great. Anyway, if we could just talk about me for a second. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if you know this, but there's a really cool petition on Change.org to get a podcaster and public radio host a part on Archer. I think this is how people, from now on, this is how people are going to jumpstart their careers. But look, Eugene Merman's been on Archer. I once got mistaken for Eugene Merman

outside of a... That's not enough for you? Party at SF Sketch Fest. That was a real laugh. A genuine laugh. It's very funny. Good job, Judy. The guys from the trailer park boys were on Archer. Those guys got lost around the corner from my house one time. I went and got them.

Brought them back. So I have a lot of connections to Archer, but it's weird because I've never been on. So I'm just throwing it out there that this petition exists. You don't have to sign the petition, but I feel like we're pretty good friends now. You want me to sign it? I feel like we're pretty good friends now. And you're pretty, you know, I don't think you're going to get fired over this petition. No.

At most reprimanded. No. I'll look at the petition. I didn't know that it was happening. I'll check her out. Yeah. Just take a look. Judy, can I be in the next Jurassic Park?

That I can do. Thank you. That I totally can do. Okay, Jordan, make the dinosaur sound. Make the dinosaur sound. Oh, I want to be one of the men. Oh. Yeah, I don't want to be a dino. Okay. I want to be a dinosaur and archer. Did I mention that? An archer? Yeah. That'd be great.

Do you want to hear my dinosaur sound? I'd love that. Caw, caw, caw. Oh, bird dinosaur. Yeah, okay. Cool. Is that the dinosaur doing the laundry? I was imagining a stegosaurus, but whatever direction you want to go with that. I'm going to ask them about this. Just run it by

them. Just let them know I'm available. You should do shows at Comic-Con. Not enough time to get into it right now. We tried. It did not go well. If anyone's curious, there are past episodes. Oh, shit. All right, never mind.

Listen, I think the fans would enjoy it. Sure, sure, sure. Stuffed shirts who can't handle the truth bombs that we drop. Yeah. Stars. Those women who turn out to be the head of worldwide marketing for Warner Brothers. Oh. Don't enjoy our work.

No. God, I'm stupid. No, that woman was stupid. I mean, she's obviously not stupid. She's risen to incredible heights in corporate America. She's obviously a sharp tack. Yeah, probably. She was probably right not to want

us on her stage but you have you have comic conning that you're doing i would imagine yeah and we're doing an archer live show on a boat i've heard hell yeah which you know would be a good place for you guys to stalk yes specifically what happens in an archer live show? We got Aisha Tyler doing some stand-up comedy, I imagine. Yeah. Beloved past Jordan Jesse Go guest, Aisha Tyler. Yeah. We usually like – what do we do? I've only done one so far and it was in Austin, Texas.

And we had someone signing the show, like a person on each side of the stage. And when we found out that we had people doing sign language, we just said all the dirtiest words we could think of to see what the signs were for them. Yeah, of course. I mean, what the hell else are you going to do?

The show really fell apart. That sounds like a great show, though. And then we dress up some audience members as our characters and we make them act out scenes from Archer episodes. That's the end game. That's what we did in act out scenes from archer episodes that's the end game that's what we did in austin i don't know if that's what we're gonna do at comic-con but i

think so but it's more fun to say the dirty words and to see what a big like the sign for great big giant vagina is is there one is there's three different signs depending on the scale of the vagina. Well, the woman was doing this a lot. That's like a sort of like a London Bridges type pose. I guess. It's like a pointed, fingers pointed above the head. She was like this. Yeah.

She took it seriously and then there was a younger guy who was laughing so hard he was having a hard time saying it. I like that there is a diversity of reactions to that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He was thinking it was funny but she took it

very seriously which I appreciated. Sure. Who else? We got a full cast of Archer? We got Jessica Walter? We got H. John Benjamin?

I think we're getting an H. John. He's very elusive. Sometimes he shows up sometimes he doesn't. Interesting. You never know. Keep them guessing. Sometimes he's in New York doing something't. Interesting. You never know. Keep them guessing.

Sometimes he's in New York doing something with John Glazer, doing Fagetta Buddies. Sure. Who knows? God, I love Fagetta Buddies. Google that, America. Did you guys hear his jazz record? Google Fagetta Buddies. Yeah.

I have heard his jazz record. John Benjamin made a jazz record. Just stop talking about it. Okay. Just stop talking about it. Right. So that people listen to it. John Benjamin's a real treasure.

An American hero. He's a real treasure. But that's like the only time, because it's a cartoon show, you're just going into a vocal booth to record your part. So this is like the first time you've ever met each other. I know. It's true. I mean, that's like why we all do all the press that we can do together because we never get to hang out and we genuinely like each other. It's really fun. And then Aisha Tyler's got to go host 75 television shows.

Oh my God. She's so busy. She's the hardest working person. What's amazing about Aisha Tyler is, like, literally the hardest working person ever. She's been on the show maybe twice. Anyway, she's a beloved past guest, and people always say, oh, you should get Aisha Tyler back. And we say, yes, of course. And I'll send Aisha Tyler an email. Aisha Tyler

will email me back unfailingly promptly. Like, unfailingly promptly. Yes. And it will be the most polite, you know, just declining the opportunity. Yes. And she'll say like, I'm sorry from, and then she'll give me a specific time to email back.

But that time will be like seven months in the future. She'll be like, I'm working seven days a week from now until September, 2017. But if you email me on September 3rd week from now until September 2017. Yeah. But if you email me on September 3rd, I've got a window. Yeah. Sincerely. Like 100% sincerely. And she'll do it.

Yeah. God bless her. I should email her. Get her on your podcast. Well, I don't have a podcast. But also, she is like, you're right. She's so busy and she's so good at time management. It's astonishing.

I wonder how she does it. I'm going to email and ask. She must have just like 17 assistants or something. I think she's just focused. She's a nice day planner probably. She does have this. I'll tell you. What?

I went on her podcast. What? Girl on Guy. Yeah. It was a really great time. Probably the best interview that I've ever done where I was the interviewee. Okay. She never had me on, by the way.

Go ahead. Really? Just saying. I don't remember what her assistant's name is. Yeah. But she had the – He's a boy, right? Yeah, he's a boy.

He was the like – I loved him. Handsomest. Yes, yes. Like clearest. Oh, my God. I forgot. Like most focused assistant.

Like I'm just standing on, you know, she records it in like an industrial building in the valley somewhere. And I'm just standing on the street like looking around worried that I'm going to be accosted by a porn star or something. And this man comes out. He's just a vision. Yeah. Just a vision, this man. That's Aisha Tyler's assistant. He's amazing.

I was like like thank you for welcoming me into the fold sir if it's the same guy as last year i just loved him so much it's like just imagine you're standing on a street corner and then fonsworth bentley the guy who used to hold the umbrella for diddy came out and like shook your hand and said welcome sir you're like oh thank you sir finally some sir. Finally, some decorum. Yes. Finally, in the valley. A magical experience it was. Well, Judy Greer.

Yes. A joy and a delight it's been to have you on the program. Oh, man, thanks, guys. Thank you for making the time in your busy schedule acting in all of the most successful film and television programs and the best film and television programs and somehow making them better. Thanks, guys. We appreciate it. I appreciate you guys. I like coming on.

I like doing this. Well, you're welcome anytime. Thank you. Our producer, Brian Fernandez, oversees in London, England. Yes. So watch his television show, which is called The Royals. Is that right? I think so.

That's what it's called. I think so. Christian says yes. That's what it's called. Christian Duenas on the boards this week. Our thanks to Christian. Yay, Christian. 206-984-4FUN.

Our telephone number, jjgoe at MaximumFun.org. Our email address. You can talk about the show on Facebook in the Maximum Fun Facebook group, on Reddit at MaximumFun.reddit.com, and on Twitter with the hashtag JJGo. Where are we sending people's corrections and complaints right now? Oh, boy. Presidential race is getting a little rough. Yeah. I don't think we should be sending it to presidential candidates anymore.

Do you think Buzz Aldrin is on Twitter? Yeah. Yeah. Hit up Buzz. Yeah you think Buzz Aldrin is on Twitter? Yeah. Yeah. Hit up Buzz. Yeah. Just if Buzz Aldrin's not on Twitter. Buzz Aldrin or Martin Shkreli. Yeah.

Just right. That's your choice. Either American hero Buzz Aldrin or punchline monster Martin Shkreli. One of the two. Either one. Hit them up on Twitter with all your questions, concerns, and especially corrections. And we'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, go. Bye.

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