Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 438: Summertime Atrocities with Calise Hawkins and Monika Scott

Episode Date: July 25, 2016

Jordan welcomes comedians Calise Hawkins and Monika Scott to the show for a fun romp through three new summertime malt beverages, a discussion of the personalities of flights around the US, and a rundown of Jordan's trip to Alaska.  

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jesse Thorne vacationing this week. I'm assuming he might not be vacationing. He could be out on some sort of family emergency, but because I don't pay attention to things, I wouldn't know that. So, Jesse, if you're vacationing, I hope you're having a blast, chilling and grilling. If you are having a family emergency, I am sorry for your loss. And he or she was a wonderful man or woman.

And they enriched the lives of everyone around them, and we'll always remember him or her in our hearts or minds or thoughts or prayers. I feel like I've covered all my bases. Even though Jesse is out this week, I have two new friends to the Jordan-Jesse Goh family, two delightful comics who I think will become beloved regulars as soon as you can say Chris Fairbanks.

First off, a stand-up comic of some renown, Monica Scott. Hey, welcome to the program. Hello, thank you. My second guest, also a stand-up comic of some renown and a brand spanking new writer for At Midnight on Comedy Central, my second guest, also a stand-up comic of some renown, and a brand-spanking-new writer for At Midnight on Comedy Central,

my new co-worker, Khalees Hawkins. Hi. Hi, everybody. You're here. You got a Guild credit. I'm ready to go. You're a recent New York transplant. How long have you been in L.A.? Like a week?

Since Sunday. So this is, what, the fifth day? Yeah, fifth day? Yeah. Fifth day is always the hardest. Yeah. I've heard that. That's when you have to do your podcast. Fifth day,

I'm on fifth meal because you got to get skinny in LA, right? Yeah. You're having a meal a day? Jeez. All right, Tubbo. You're going to want to get that

down to four a week. Oh, two a week probably. Yeah. I mean, ideally. Just weekend days i mean listen if you want to stay your cheat days if you want to stay in tv for meals if you want to move up to features let's try and get that down to two okay uh there is no there's no meal quotient but there is a podcast quotient so you have to do between three and five a week or you're sent back to new york so okay can i uh just try

and keep booking those just try and keep maybe from this one maybe i'll get booked off of this one yeah if you're if you're hosting a podcast out there if the gang from totally beverages and sometimes hot sauce is listening i'm available hawkins needs a podcast quota. Let's start here. I just got back from a fun summer vacation in Alaska. Oh, summery. Yeah, I'm like, what screams summer? Beach? I don't know.

Waterpark? I don't know. Tundras. Tundra, yeah. Book me on the first flight to a tundra that I can find. I have some dear high school buddies who live in Alaska with their two nice kids, two nice dogs, and one delightful cat named Xerxes. Oh, what a name for a cat.

I think it's after the villain in 300. Yeah, it sounds like it. But he's not villainous. He's very sweet and tolerant of children. I was really impressed by this cat's willingness to. And he's a he's a fat to be thrashed. Yeah. Just to be just to be neck tackled by a two year old. Sure.

Yeah. And I think that's why I like a cat so much is because they have so much dignity. They're dignified creatures. And in this cat's adversity in the face of a sticky two-year-old. Okay. Grabbing it by the neck. Yes. A sticky two-year-old who I only saw covered in chocolate. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's their neutral. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, I don't think she's eaten any chocolate today. I think she just has a chocolate film that is always on her. She just puts a layer on every morning. Yeah. It's lotion. I don't mean to suggest that my friends are negligent parents.

They're actually terrific parents. It's just that the cat is basically a napkin. Yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah. It's a cat pin in a way. Euclides, though, you were telling me in the car that you, you know, because you had to speed out to L.A. to do this job, because you had to speed out to L.A. to do this job. You are, you're living that garage life right now.

Yeah. With a kind of unpleasant hairless cat. I haven't moved in with this cat yet, but I guess tonight I got to face him. He's a hairless, like, dark-tinted cat, so he kind of looks like the stage of I Am Legend dog zombie. Sure, sure. Late stage I am legend dog.

Yeah, and apparently he's very vicious and territorial, so I have to be very careful not to upset this cat. And there's a completely normal cat that gets to witness all of this go down. But you said that you did have an interaction with him?

Yes, him. That was positive. The owner introduced me to the cat. He walked right up to me. you did have an interaction with him? Yes, him. That was positive. When the owner introduced me to the cat, he walked right up to me. He put his first two feet on my knees. The other two were planted on the coffee table. And he put his mouth up against my mouth and stared at me.

And I was like, should I, should I, what exactly do you, should I? And she was like, give him your car keys. She said, this is good. He likes you. This means he likes you. So what happens next?

Is he going to just start trimming my hair for me? And she's like, oh no! He never does that! He's giving you a bowl cut. He must really like you. He's helping you with your taxes. Don't make any sudden movements.

He's going to give you a dependent. Or scratch the fuck out of your face. One of the two. He's either going to. Maybe both. Depends on his mood. So is it a thing where if the cat's on the bed, you have to take the floor? It's just a, you know, it's his territory?

No. From what I hear hear he can be very vicious of if you're coming in but once you're sleeping at night he snuggles up to you like he just doesn't want to be seen with you in public oh sure sure yeah yeah he just tries to play it cool when you walk in he's like i don't care that you're here oh hey no he attacks apparently oh he's furious that you're there yeah and then And then at night he's like, no, she's kidding. You're my sweet I love you. Thank you so much.

Don't tell nobody. This is our secret. And just a hairless little paw caressing your face. No! Jeez, I do. Hairless cats are gross.

Hairless cats are so gross. It's it's too weird i don't i don't want to look at it yeah it right they look like something that was removed from a person like a cyst a cyst that's a pet sure yeah they look cystic yeah um but i i from what i understand they're very nice and i was having a very one of those conversations where you're like, oh, boy, this person is nuts. But I think I'll probably enjoy talking to them for another 15 minutes. Yeah. But then I don't want to talk to them anymore. But I want 15 more minutes of this.

I was talking to a dude who was a screenwriter who had a he had two hairless cats. Great. who had a, he had two hairless cats. Great. And he said he, when he would go on like meetings, like when, you know, when he was going to a meeting, like, oh, we need somebody to write the, you know, God, I don't know, the Snorks movie.

Give me a guy in here to pitch on the Snorks reboot. This guy would come in and he would have the hairless cat on his shoulder as a power move. Why? What a misguided power move. I don't know how much this guy worked, honestly. I do love this conversation that he managed in that 15 minutes to be like, well, when I go on meetings. Right.

I talked about my two hairless cats already. You know them. I know. We're covering a lot of ground really fast. Sure. Hi. Oh, you're a friend of my friend? Let me tell you about my power moves.

My meeting power moves. I mean, a parrot was too obvious for him, I guess. Is that what it is? Parrots are done. Parrots are over. What about a parrot with an alopecia kind of problem? Like a parrot with a skin disorder? Yeah, yeah.

That could be good. Like, hey, you know who we should get to write the Lincoln Logs movie? The guy with that sickly parrot. He tenderly takes care of that parrot. Think of what he's going to do with the Lincoln Logs.

Yeah, no, that's true. If he's that nice. Something interesting about these children that I had spent spent time with uh were that they a very ipad literate oh they were very good with the ipad and watched a ton of those videos where it's just an adult playing with toys are you familiar with this genre of video it sounds creepy yeah i think it is i think to, it's okay. So these are apparently the most popular kinds of YouTube videos, like more than Minecraft,

more than a dog who meets a soldier who just came home from the war. And like an adult who films and like they take the toy out of the box like, oh, it's nighttime Elsa, you know from frozen i already don't like this voice at all this is the voice this is the voice they all have oh she comes with a brush and sometimes they'll do the voice for it and they're never like you know these are not they're never good funny or clever people so they're just like hi it's nighttime hi it's night it's like what what is this yeah who are you making this for i hope i never see my daughter watching one of those i should have

never brought you into this world i didn't know you're gonna end up in the hands of people watching yeah i don't know i just don't get it childless adults who play with toys into a webcam honey come to me next time and ask me for the toy. I'll play with the toy for you. I will play with the toy. It sounds like the kind of person you wouldn't let your child talk to at a fast food restaurant. Honey, don't talk to that. Don't talk to that guy. It's okay.

Just go home and watch nine hours of him on YouTube. He's got three kids meals in front of them. It's a swim action Dory. meals in front of them right it's a swim action dory it sounds the soft voice makes it like a little asmr a little yeah it's it's one of those genres of things on the internet like i understand why a kid likes it i totally understand why i get kids like watching people interact with things they like but yeah and this is an old observation but i think it applies here it's like you watch it and i'm like oh boy there's some grown-ups jacking off to this right like yeah someone yeah someone wants to come on that toy that's all there's a thing for everything it's like swim action door i need something to swim in. It's going to get to a point where the creepiest thing you can do is have, you know, loving intercourse with somebody who you like and have a child with them.

And they're going to be like, that's disgusting. You nasty. What did you do with that? You know, that's so funny. It seems like that almost could be an extension of, do you guys remember the weird, I don't even know if this was actually a trend or if it was just one of those dumb New York Times things, but the normcore trend from a couple of years ago? I feel it's still around. Yeah? Yeah.

And maybe I don't quite understand this. Let me know if I'm getting anything about this thing wrong. Okay. Is there hardcore normcore? Yeah. Right, yeah. It's really, yeah, it's a normcore that lasts about 90 seconds hard and fast big in the late 80s uh yeah um so from what i understand normcore was a like set of like brooklyn hipsters who were rejecting fashion yeah and they were only wearing like the most basic like golf dad clothes yeah like golf

dad like golf dad slash like guy who works in a mill or something you know like they were a smock somewhere because it was simple and yeah so they were dressing like the williamsburg type okay so there were williamsburg type hipsters that dress like you know with the lumberjack look and the beards that's a lumber sexual you're talking about obnoxious trends but they were dressed like their bosses yeah yeah the guy who works in their hr department yeah it would be like a plain baseball cap like and a polo shirt like it's a lot of that kind of stuff i still see it out there yeah it's still out there. It's made it to the teens, I feel like.

Oh, the teens are normcore now. Yeah, because I feel like I go to a lot of free concerts over the summers, and I see a lot of teens. It's a great place to see teens. It's a great place to see teens. Oh, no. And then you show them your toys. Look at these toys.

I hand out business cards with my YouTube channel on it. Sure, yeah. Got some new Power Rangers this week. Don't want to... Spoiler alert. It's pretty good. I do a very soft voice. No, but they all dress like that now.

They all dress in like complete... Either that or that health guff. They all dress like those two trends that are also both from like... Khalees and I just learned about health. Yesterday. Can you. I'm into teen stuff, I guess. Apparently.

Can you explain. I have a teenage sister, so I like I keep up a little bit, although she's like she's into hardcore music and is like a little rocker. Oh, OK. Can you explain health goth to us? Yeah, it's a it's like I mean, I don't know if there's a set of ideologies behind it. Sure. But it's essentially just like. The gold standard.

Yes. America to move back to the gold standard. The book of the goth. Yeah. But it's essentially just like dressing in athletic seeming clothes and athletic branded clothes. But they're all black. It's like a lot of black mesh things that say Adidas on them. And it's just like, it's, it's fair skin and then goth makeup. So it's goth makeup paired with black athletic clothes, basically.

But if they work out, won't their makeup run? I would say that they're probably not working out. What are they doing? Fucking! out. What are they doing? Fucking! Yeah. What are you fans up to? In a really sad, lonely way. Yeah.

It's still, I mean, it's still, it's got a lot of that goth aesthetic of like a lot of frowning. Oh my God, that's hilarious. It's like frowning is kind of like the centerpiece of the health goth. Oh my God. Maybe when I go to the gym, I'm a health goth. I hate it. Exactly. Like, oh, look at that health goth over there.

Oh, boy. They're all – You're like, no, I just hate this. I like life in general. Life in general is fun, but this is not – I don't enjoy this elliptical. I find that I see a lot of health goths in rich neighborhoods, like Larchmont, like the fancy kind of cool neighborhoods. Larchmont, for those who don't live in Larchmont, it's a place where you go to get a $13 sandwich. Yeah, like I see a lot of people hanging out outside of like whatever fancy ice cream store in their Adidas mesh shirt frowning while their ice cream melts.

I want to find them. I want to see this in real life. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Cruise some of those wealthy neighborhoods. You'll find them. They're out there. Shout out to all the health goths. If you're a health goth out there, get at us on Twitter. Tweet some selfies

at us. Show us your smeared eyeliner it's a little bit it's pristine though the makeup is very that's right because they don't actually work out yeah yeah theory uh oh but along the lines of what you were saying of like uh of like the missionary position sex being the most erotic maybe that will go along with the norm core aesthetic where people are like okay i'm done with being kinky poly by you know like that's you know that was so last year yeah it's like lame yeah exactly now i'm into mish posish with my loving husband that's perfect yeah you do it twice a year to get pregnant and that is so fucking high i mean that is a good lead-up i guess

oh six months from now i'm gonna i'm gonna get at you in six months and put a baby in put a baby in you in about two minutes and then we're gonna watch whatever's popular on netflix at the time in six months sure sure sure i mean a house of cards i don't know what's gonna be on next month something something um but the the flight to alaska was an interesting thing in that i don't know if you guys have noticed this, but it seems like every flight, if you've done a flight a couple of times, whether it's, you know, LA to New York, Portland, blah, blah, blah, this place to this place, every like flight has a little bit of a character, you know, like, I think when you're on the like LA to New York flight, it's always like, oh, everyone here is

upsettingly attractive. This is the flight that the world's most attractive people do and i feel weird and you know yeah yeah i'm familiar with that channels huh it's like turning the channel yeah exactly yes exactly yeah this is just a channel of of human symmetry that's how i feel when i fly home to Springfield, Illinois. It's like, oh, it's just us going there? Everybody's a little out of shape, very Midwestern. I mean, and I think one that I have done a couple times recently, L.A. to Vegas, this is the world's worst people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is like... Plain full of nightmares. Yeah, exactly. These are the worst people from both places. Just a whole bunch of no thanks. Yeah, exactly. These are the worst people from both places. Just a whole bunch of no thanks. Ew. You get to smell the entire Axe product line. Top to bottom.

Just every single one. There's the shampoo. There's the body wash. And then you just have to hear like loud ideas for like apps people want to make. Oh my God. It's like Uber but for food. It's like, okay, shut food it's like okay shut up yeah why are you exist why are you drunk at noon um we all know that why they're drunk at noon sure

yeah way to vegas that's true yeah yeah you can't show up sober i do i do la to austin okay a few times a year what's then what's the what's that zone like it's quite confusing it's about it's like a it's a series of cowboy hats confusing. It's a series of cowboy hats. There's always a series of cowboy hats on the plane. But then also just hipsters that don't want to acknowledge that they live in the city with the cowboy hats. Sure. So there's warring factions on the plane the whole time. And all the cowboy hats drink really hard on the plane and then so do all the hipsters so

everyone's drunk by the time they get to text everyone can kind of agree they're like listen listen we all will drink jack daniels this whole i'm like yeah i'm a graphic designer you're a you know a guy who installs drywall i think i literally met a guy that installs drywall the last time I flew to Austin. Yeah. But we can both come together over these Bud Lights. Over these tiny drinks. When I fly home to Springfield, that's when I remember I'm black. No, because

like the white people on the plane are so nice that I'm like, they're like being nice. They're like making sure I know they're okay with me. And I'm like, oh yeah, because I'm black. If I'm in New York or LA, I'm like just a person. But then I realized, oh, you guys are the ambassadors of everywhere else I need to go.

They're like, I've been meaning to get one friend. Perhaps you'd like to do a complicated handshake, man. I'm your man. that's really funny so the the uh so i had a layover in seattle so i did la to seattle which is you know is is i've done once or twice and it's you know it's like kind of like techie dorky types uh but seattle to alaska everyone was in overalls and the plane smelled like a campfire. Yay! Yes, it was very amazing. I'm sure everyone on it had a kayak.

For sure. They've also probably all killed an animal with their hands. Sure, yes. Definitely. Skinned it and made jerky out of it specifically. Oh my God, that sounds so fun though. Yeah, it was a hoot. Yeah.

Alaska is very beautiful. And the thing about it that I that I was not prepared for that people have told me about, like, I know this about Alaska is that in the summertime it just stays light. But I did not think that was real. That's like one day. That's like one day where that happens. But no, I think summertime is like that. It just always looks like it's noon. And yeah, which is very discombobulating.

Yeah, I don't like that one bit. It does. It definitely seemed like, I mean, I know there's a lot of like joking, you know, because of the things that have been happening in the news that the end of the world is coming. Sure, sure, sure. And it seemed like this was some sort of like part of it. Like, oh, it won't be, the moon's gone. The world doesn't turn anymore. Yeah.

We're just stuck. Yeah. Donald Trump sued the moon. How did that? It moved away to Canada. Yeah. They seem fine with it. I think that people drink a little harder to fall asleep, maybe.

That sounds like a good plan. Yeah. I do that already in the dark. I don't know how I would handle it. I think that people drink a little harder to fall asleep maybe. That sounds like a good plan. Yeah. I do that already in the dark. I don't know how I would handle it. Yeah, yeah. Heroin, I guess, is the only – Which I think is a problem there, right? Yeah, sure.

I think that is also an issue. Got to fall asleep somehow though. That's true, yeah. You can't not fall asleep. Can't not do heroin. But no, Alaska is totally, totally beautiful. I mean, it's just majesty as far as the eye can see. Like behind their chilies is the most majestic scene you've ever seen.

And you want to weep. And it's all so beautiful. And we're so insignificant. Like you have. Yeah. You just can't turn around without having that like, oh, my God, the world is a miracle type feeling. It's just all over the place.

I'm just picturing, is it snowy and mountainous? This was, it was not snowy. It was actually pretty hot. I had shorts on the whole time and I never put on socks. What a brag. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry, dude.

I didn't put on any socks. All right. Calm down. I don't know if you put on socks last week, but not me. I like the idea of you lovingly taking a picture of a chili. The scenery behind it, too. I mean, it's beautiful. Long.

I saluted the chilis. I sung God Bless America. But, yeah, it was totally awesome. And, yeah, we went to a hot springs where everyone had a shark's tooth necklace oh do they give you one when you get there or so hey hey hey you like come over here it's the lifeguard in this sketch so they're like dressed like the airport gift shop yes yes exactly this is yes this is a colony of people who have bought everything they own at an airport gift shop. But yeah, Alaska is a goddamn delight.

You should absolutely go if you get a chance. Eccles, I was thinking when I was talking about the kids being very iPad literate, you earlier in the week showed me a text from your daughter that was just a string of emojis. Yeah, it was a roller coaster of emojis. I can't talk anymore. She was mad because I told her she had to shower in a text. That makes me mad when people say that to me. Fuck you.

And it was just an emoji that was sad, and then one that was crying, and then one that was crying and the one that was dead and then and then all of a sudden sad again crying and then a beating heart and then that heart was breaking she just wanted to be clear and she didn't agree with this decision i've made i love that and she is she's nine nine nine i like that roller coaster of the the command to take a bath has caused me to die and my heart to shatter yeah do you think you have a little health goth on your hands i don't know budding maybe or just a little dirty, nasty, skanky. No, I'm just kidding. Do you see – because this is like – I mean because she is almost like – she can see teenagerdom on the horizon. Oh, definitely.

Do you kind of – do you have any kind of indication as to kind of what zone she'll be in? I'm sure teen zones are totally different now than when we were kids. That i was gonna say yeah they are creating new people they are not like because when i was a kid they were valley girl type girls and they were tomboys and they were like you know what i mean now there's identifying with different who you know you're not a tomboy anymore. You're a dude. Identify as a dude. So one thing technologically that really creeped me out was when I dropped her off at her friend's house. Her mom is my friend. And they've been growing up together.

And the whole night when we were talking, they weren't saying anything to each other. They would walk past each other. Actually, I was at a birthday party for her husband. They were walking past each other. They were on their phones. They walked back. They didn't say hello. And I know my daughter looked up at her a couple times and I was concerned. I pulled her aside. I was like, are you guys fighting? Did something happen? Is everything okay? She's like, no, what the? And through the whole night, we just kept trying to figure out why they were interacting. It's because the social media, the stimulation they get from whoever they're texting or whatever

game they're playing is so much better than real life in person talking to their actual friends. They don't need each other. Yeah, yeah. And I'm thinking something's wrong with it and all we do is go, this is bad for them, let's make them, you know, it's kind of like our parents going, go play outside, but now we work inside, it's like we're never playing outside really. So they were wrong and when they told us don't play with video

games, now that's a whole career. Right. Right. They were wrong about that. So I was concerned. Play more video games so you can get sponsored by Red Bull to play video games. Yeah. I was concerned that she wasn't developing a good interpersonal relationship with her friend. But the truth is she needs to learn how to be online because that's what they're going to be doing. Sure. Yeah.

Those relationships are happening online now. Yeah, totally. Yeah, yeah. No, it is so interesting. Right, because you don't want to be a grandma or grandpa about it where you're like, oh, you kids with your blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But, yeah, I remember having that thought about Snapchat. Like, you know, at work they were like, hey, we want to start doing stuff on Snapchat. I'm like, oh, I don't understand that.

That's the dick pic one, right? Oh, no, thank you. Yeah. And I downloaded it and I poked around with it and just had to come to the conclusion that this is a party that I am not invited to. This is probably a perfectly fun party. It's not full of perverts necessarily, but I have not

gotten the invitation and that's fine. I will be over here on stone-aged Twitter. I feel like they tricked me because Snapchat came out as a sex device. Sure. And I was like, no, none for me. And now it's like the coolest way to social media i'm like but

but you told me it was for dick yeah i think it was it that's npr's fault i think maybe okay so you blame npr i think they did a lot a lot of stories about how it was for teenager sexting but i think i mean i do a lot of work in social media. And from the beginning, that was not necessarily the case. Like, it wasn't how people were using it. And I just think that, like, NPR ran too many stories about it being for teenagers to send nudes to each other. So it freaked us all out. Right. But it's so funny.

A lot of my closest friends are like 10 years younger than me. So I will frequently like have a girlfriend come over to my house and we'll eat dinner and ignore each other and look at Twitter or send texts and just show each other things we see. And that is our whole, we love it. We're having so much fun. It kind of sounds fun. Yeah, but it is it is it is weird it is weird to look at from the outside and i can feel i feel sometimes people walk past us and be like look at these look at these people not talking to each other yeah yeah i love it though i'm so

into i'm invited to the snapchat party you're invited am i invited what okay so tell me about tell me about a okay i don't understand what a story is do you want me to teach you how to use snapchat is there a brief tutorial well uh yeah i mean it's it's pretty easy if you don't have any friends on it i think that's what what makes it seem confusing at first because if you're just alone in a room yeah uh you're just shouting into a void i mean it's the same if you didn't have any Twitter followers or something. But a story is just sending a public, it's like sending a tweet. It's just posting a public picture or video. And you can have a dog face if you want. And you can sometimes have a dog face or like a teddy bear or a weird flower crown or sometimes some kind of insane sponsored thing.

Okay. It's usually for... Like you can have a gordita face. Yeah, yeah. It is usually for fast food, alcohol, or whatever dumb action movie came out that week. Uh-huh. And then you can send direct snaps to people, but that's less of the fun.

More of the fun is just posting a bunch of silly pictures. Okay. It's an easier way to show the world, like, hey, here's where I am right now, rather than maybe spending a few times lovingly Instagramming something. Okay. You know, I skipped Instagram. I do not gram. Yeah.

That's crazy. Yeah, I know. I've been told it's- It's wild. Yeah. Pretty crazy, huh? You're wild. I know.

It's probably I'm doing my personal brand some injustice why not i think it's fine i think it's fine for your personal brand you're doing great hey thanks i think i hate twitter i i've landed on instagram that's my safe that's my area that's my zone i hate twitter because everybody's trying to be funny so what's the point yeah like you feel like you're screaming into nothing you're just like like, I don't know. Does anybody see this? Forget it. Yeah. I think Instagram is definitely like the most fun one.

What are you gramming? What are you gramming these days? Me? I just honestly have a terrible memory, so I'm just trying to remember things. So you're just thinking of something you want to remember. Yeah. Any time something happens that feels like a moment, I try to put it on instagram okay i i don't really care who's watching i just do it for my for my own personal journalism and i and i do know that um it'll help me with my brand so it's kind of a symbiotic relationship okay of me trying to

remember my life just like a memento kind of you're using it as like your own personal like photo album yeah like you can go and look through it later and be like oh yeah i'm that was nice i'm norm corn instagram gap windows like my instagram is like my grandma's piano like on top of her piano is what's happened in her life yeah well i think we need to take a little bit of a break here's what i can tease for the next segment uh it's a beloved jordan jessico segment of course for the uh out of continuity jesse free episodes uh we are going to taste test some disgusting malt beverages we have three uh amazing uh summertime atrocities that we're gonna get grossed out by when we come back La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, What is the Now Hear This Festival, you ask? Well, it's basically Comic-Con for podcasts.

It's got live performances, special events, meet and greets, all kinds of cool stuff if you're a podcast fan. We will be there. Mark Maron will be there. How Did This Get Made? Super Ego. Comedy Bang Bang. The list goes on. Tickets for the Now Hear This Festival are on sale now at nowhearthisfest.com.

There's an exclusive early bird discount that you can grab right now, but there's a limited number of those tickets, and they're going fast. So if you want those early bird tickets, go to nowhearthisfest.com. That's October 28th through the 30th in Anaheim, California. And, yeah, it should be a real hoot. We will most likely have a special surprise guest and it should be a very, very cool event. Again, that's us.

How did this get made? Super Ego. Comedy Bang Bang. More and more and more. NowHearThisFest.com. Now back to the show. It's Jordan, Jesse go. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective, Monica Scott,

sippy cup queen, Khalid Hawkins, undiagnosed i like that that was a good one that was a good one too that's a good bump set spike yes if you're fine with undiagnosed silly billy i'll do it i'll do undiagnosed silly billy that's better than what i said so i wanted to dive in and make yours peppy no thank you undiagnosed bipolar it's a little dark That's better than what I said. I wanted to dive in and make yours peppy. No, thank you.

I'm diagnosed bipolar. It's a little dark, maybe. So it's the summertime. Monica, you came in to the studio today with a really fun beach ball sippy cup. I walked in with a beach ball sippy cup. One of, I think, maybe eight that I have. Eight different shaped sippy cup i walked in with a beach ball sippy cup one of i think maybe eight that i have eight different shaped sippy cups i came straight from the beach what are you putting in one of these sippy cups well you can't have glass at the beach okay so anything that i would that i would have had and listen to the rules well i was i always end up sitting kind of close

to the fuzz you know what i mean like i'm pretty close to that lifeguard tower uh so today it was just sparkling water often i will bring a whole bottle of champagne and put it in my soupy cup and just monica i don't know if you're familiar with the running jordan jessico concept of uh of summer boy yes yes that is the most summer boy shit I have ever heard in my life. Thank you so much. That is the best. So, yeah, that's my frequent move. Okay. Well, since it is summer, we thought we would try some malt beverages.

These are things. They're not beer. They're not wine. There's something else. There's something weird. Just to clarify my position on these, I think I've been misread on these in the media. The media has gotten me wrong. Clear your name.

I love Bud Light Limes. I think Bud Light Lime is a delicious treat. I think Bud Light Lime-eritas are disgusting gobs of headaches in tiny cans. I do not like these things we're about to drink, but for some weird reason, people want to hear my opinions on them. So I tried to find something that maybe would be palatable in this zone. The first one we have is called Truly Spiked and Sparkling. Got this from BevMo. And this caught my eye because it seems like it would be something along the lines of an alcoholic La Croix. It does look classy. it does look classy.

It does look classy. It's called Truly. This is grapefruit and pomelo. Pomelo. Don't know what that is. So, yeah. So let's give this a taste and then talk about our thoughts. A lot of fizz. Oh, oh oh it oh it's awful yeah it's real gross uh no

i what i was hoping for was like a la croix with a little kick at first it does just taste like a la croix and then as you exhale it tastes back out it, you're just breathing a nightmare. It tastes to me like grapefruit drowned in hydrogen peroxide. It has a chemical taste to it that is not fun. Just – I want to get – before we – let's sip these a little bit. I don't want to make you drink more of it than you want. No, it's fine. But I want to get – I'm in it. You guys – so what is your relationship to this kind of drink? Let's sip these a little bit. I don't want to make you drink more of it than you want. No, it's fine. But I want to get-

I'm in it. You guys, so what is your relationship to this kind of drink? Do you guys have phases where you did Smirnoff Ice, Bacardi O, Mike's Hard Lemonade? Do you guys like that sort of thing? I like Mike's Hard Lemonade. Yeah. I do like that. There was like five different flavors of Mike's when we went to BevMo, and I was tempted to try some.

I probably should have got them instead of this fucking mistake. This tastes like a fizzy Izzy that went bad. Yeah. Yeah. This is rotten. Yeah. This is a soda someone dropped a Tylenol in. I don't like sweet drinks.

So I frequently don't do malt beverages because they're usually like a champagne in a sippy cup i know everything about me seems like i would love a sugary drink but i really just like a champagne in a sippy cup or a tequila i think that's reasonable yeah i mean boy i sure had high hopes for this thing. I thought this would be the, you know, the key to unlocking the temple that is enjoyment of malt beverages. If they could master that aftertaste, then it would be actually fine. Two other takes from this. Two other takes. It tastes like the very end of, like of when you forgot you went to the bathroom

and you forgot you had a screwdriver. And you're like, oh yeah, that's my screwdriver. There's a little more left, but it was just the ice that melted into the bottom of it. Oh yeah. And finally, this also tastes like when you go to somebody's apartment for something and they're like, no, I brought some stuff to mix

for you guys. I hope you like it. You're like, i brought some stuff to mix for you guys i hope you like it screwdriver ice would be a really funny brand though that would be um so here's kind of where i'm at right now we had takeout salads at lunch for work uh so and i have not had dinner that's kind of an early evening record for us so this uh segment will probably get insufferable get you super fucked up yeah I'm getting wasted on the truly this is my first drink

since I've been in LA so I'm going for it it's kind of like you know how you don't eat all day and then something is like oh that's really good only because I haven't eaten so this is alright because my liver hasn't eaten in too long so yeah i hope this the the shittiness of this beverage is not indicative of your time in la i hope this is not a bad kickoff well it's very vain and into itself is that anything like la

no i'm just kidding doesn't read has to drive every... Okay, settle down. The pizza's bad and the drink... What? Yeah, okay. It seems real fake. No, I'm just kidding. Yeah, it's just a fucking... Yeah.

Always talking about itself. Okay, so I think you guys can hold on to your trulies if you like. I think... But I'm going to go ahead and... I mean, I think we all kind of agree. I'm going to go ahead and say thumbs down. Yeah, thumbs down for the truly. Yeah. You're metallic.

Yeah. Yes, yes. There is a metal-ness to it. Yeah, that's a good word for it. The second. Also, I'm pretty sure a pomelo is a grapefruit, but. Yeah. What?

So is grapefruit in redundant? Yeah. So this is something that, Khalees, you were kind of excited about, I think. Yes. I remember our trip to BevMo. This is not your father's root beer. Oh, I'm excited too now. So this is a, this is kind of a little bit of a drink trend.

Yeah. From what I understand is the alcoholic root beer. And I think there was like a cream soda addition to, oh, is this, these might not be twist offs. I might have to throw you guys my keys that have a bottle opener on them. Oh, is this these might not be twist-offs. I might have to throw you guys my keys that have a bottle opener on them. Oh, what a cool guy. Yeah. Yeah, I got a bottle opener

on my keychain. I used to say Takate on it, but it rubbed off. Here, I'm going to throw you that there. So this is it has on the front a kind of a dandy gent with a mustache and a top hat. 5.9% alcohol by volume.

Very nice. As opposed to the Truly's 5% alcohol by volume. We're getting close to table wine. Yeah, right. I know. Inching closer. Yeah, ever so closely. Yeah, so, yeah, very nice.

Smells good. Has a nice, you can nose it, has a nice aroma. Smells like those root beer barrels at Claim Jumper. Oh, yeah. Here's, and just, I'm going to read a little bit of the philosophy on the side of the bottle. Oh, good. This is beer with flavored, this is beer flavored with spices. We like to think of it as a dark spiced ale with vanilla and honey notes.

Best served chilled over, in a glass with ice. We know to think of it as a dark spiced ale with vanilla and honey notes. Best served chilled over in a glass with ice. We know you'll enjoy it. We do. They made it drunk! I know! So yeah, so I mean this is definitely a you know

19 year old's drink that they're trying to add that beer snob language to. So already I'm a little bit put off by its toad. But let's give it a shot. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Tastes exactly like root beer.

It does. Boy, howdy. You cannot taste the alcohol in this. Boy, if you want to get a 19-year trunk not your father's root beer if you own a white van this yeah white van owners uh yeah this is this is tasty i mean uh yeah i mean you can have this with a pizza you could uh it's got the vibe of something they have at like a fancy burger place yeah sure yeah i think if you're if you're dropping 15 bucks on a burger, this is also something you could get alongside it. For another 10. Yeah, you know, right. It has a

lawsuit written all over it. I know, right. Yes. Like you accidentally serve this at a class party. I just thought it was not your father's. Right, so I gave it to kids. Yeah, that branding is confusing if you don't want kids to drink this. Yeah, there's going to be a teacher somewhere in the Midwest that accidentally serves this to her class on the last day of school. Or was it an accident? Yeah, it could be. She wanted all those kids to go home drunk. Yeah, you know what?

This is very tasty. I mean, the toot of the label aside, it's good. I don't know if this is anything I would necessarily order at a bar. I'd love this at a fair, though, like a fairground. Ooh, that's perfect. Yeah. That is absolutely, yeah, just chilling, hot day at the fair. It seems pretty easy to sneak places, too.

Yeah. I'm not obsessed with sneaking alcohol places. It seems like you're obsessed with sneaking. You're dead on with that, though. Yeah, because it just looks like a root beer. I like to drink those wines in public that look like coconut milk. Yeah, see? There you go.

You get it. They're little miniature boxed wines. They look just like vitamin water or coconut milk. Yeah. Marie, I've not seen this. Nobody's going to pull me aside. So it's like a white wine you put in there? No, it's in there already.

It's just like they sell it in a little box. It looks just like, you know those little ones that flip up in a little box. It looks just like those little ones that flip up in a juice box. It looks great. So that seems like a good fair item. I saw a little wine globe recently. Have you guys seen the wine globes? I've seen them. I love those.

I like them a lot. They're already in the wine glass. And the stem is hollow. Oh, this is something else. I'm a wino. Clearly. Yeah, so I don't know know not your father's root beer pretty good the thing about walking around in public with this is you could get away with it but then somebody was like is that beer and they come reading like no you're fine go away

because of the labeling you're like no it's root beer it's root beer bye yeah i'm just covering up certain letters in the label it's just root beer i've got my thumb in no, it's root beer. It's root beer. Bye. Yeah, I'm just covering up certain letters in the label. It's just root beer. I've got my thumb in the middle. It's not suspicious. This is not suspicious. You could also maybe get away with pleading like, what? There's alcohol.

Taste this, officer. Taste this. Yes! Get the officer drunk. But I can't tell the difference. You're free to go, young person. Oh my God, that would be a perfect ad for this beer. Yeah.

Where you get pulled over for drunk driving and you make the cop sip it. Yeah. And then he doesn't pass the breathalyzer. High fives the guy. And then the guy drives away and crashes into a tree. Right, yeah. It's like a Dollar Shave Club version of advertising.

Oh, I like this. You end up in jail. I'm getting drunk. This is awesome. Okay, so I think we all kind of like this, right? Yeah. I might go ahead and say

thumbs up for Not Your Father's Root Beer. Not something I would drink all the time, but maybe a nice treat once in a while. If I was at a barbecue and it was like in the bucket, I might go for it.

I'm going to finish this one. Do it. We got three more. Yeah. I might go for it. I'm going to finish this one. Do it. Sure. We got three more in here. What? Okay. So the last thing that I have, the last thing I have here for us to try,

it's a time-honored Jordan-Jessico tradition, an awful tradition that I do not like. And that is the Bud Light Limerita. Now, the Bud Light Limerita started out as an awful substitute for a margarita, but they, for some reason, is popular. I don't know. You might be keeping it popular. That's true.

I do talk about it constantly. Yeah, this guy on the podcast just keeps talking about it. I don't know. The buzz is coming from your direction. Yeah, we don't even buy commercials anymore. This dude just complains about it five times a week um so they will introduce new flavors periodically sorry for that belt that i just that's okay we're wasted it's gonna come so this is i think new for 2016 uh this is the bud light lime water melonmelon Rita Margarita with a twist.

Limited Summer Edition. Okay. So. Yeah. I like watermelon flavored stuff. This is. I'm open to it. 8% alcohol by volume.

8%. Watermelon blow pops are good, but I hate actual watermelon. I was telling Jordan earlier, I just hate chewing water. Man, I love it. I love it so much. I think I love it because it's chewing water. It's like, this is weird. Okay, so this is the Watermelon Rita. 8% alcohol by volume.

Tiny little can. Let's crack it. And these are pretty cold, which is nice. We've had warm ones on the show before. Oh, it smells amazing yeah i like that smells like a bull pop i love that synthetic watermelon smell that's yeah watermelon and banana in candy are so far off from the actual thing just like we have not mastered it yet we've never had either that's what i've always wondered why do they do that why don't they just name it just like

vegetarian food why are you naming this something something that exists versus whatever the fuck this is fried from? It's okay. Just make it its own thing. Call it pixie dust. Yeah. This is like a tutti frutti. I would have understood this to be a tutti frutti. Sir, this says watermelon on the can, but in my estimation, this is more of a tutti frutti.

I'm really fun at a bar. Okay, so let's have a sip of the limited edition Bud Light Lime Watermelon Rita Margarita with a twist. Smells bad. No, no. Oh. No, thanks. God. Yeah, no.

That's so weird. So you hear this, how thick it has made my saliva? I don't want to make weird saliva noises into the mic, but oh boy, I feel like it instantly turned my mouth to tree sap. I just, I can feel it. I can feel the flavor shooting out of my nose while I breathe. Like, I don't have an exact read on the flavor, but I'm afraid to try it again to figure it out. I keep trying it. I think I don't hate it.

I don't like it. I hate it. Oh, I got it. I know what this tastes like. This tastes like right before gum runs out of flavor. That taste that's like tar or rubber. Yeah. And there's like a hint of whatever chemical flavor was left.

Like the last little fire off of that flavor. This tastes like already been chewed gum. This actually does sort of taste like it's burning my taste buds off. Right. already been chewed gum this actually does sort of taste like it's burning my taste buds off right yeah you will not be able to taste for three days because of your four sips of bud lime watermelon rita yeah it tastes like a watermelon car scent yeah right yeah it's like you've had an air freshener in your mouth uh you know what i'll i mean i know we have been we've had many other sips of drinks i do i do feel the buzz of this it is like you know drinking a drink uh you know so i guess if you are looking to get wasted quickly and grossly and have just like an awful hangover yeah oh really

bad oh what is the hangover that comes from these? Yeah. It's got to be a nightmare. Yeah. She's back to the root beer. Yeah, I'm going to fix it with the root beer, too. I am going to switch back. And, yeah, this is quite a melange of tastes in my mouth right now. So, yeah, I mean, I think, do we all want to say thumbs down to Bud Light Watermelon Arena?

Thumbs down. Yeah, thumbs down. Way down. Yeah. Thumbs down to Bud Light watermelon Rita? Thumbs down. Yeah, thumbs down. Way down.

Yeah. I still, if I can remember our last year's edition of this correctly, the mango Rita was one of the worst things I've ever had. That sounds awful. Yeah. Because mango, that fake mango taste can be a little feety sometimes. Yeah, sure. In my opinion. Yes. Yeah.

yeah so to recap uh truly thumbs down uh not your father's root beer pretty tasty bud light uh watermelon rita uh throw them in a fire someone brings them to a barbecue light them on fire probably doesn't burn or something wash my ass with water. You'd get an infection. That's like an expression in my family. Like, I wouldn't wash my ass with that. I don't know where it came from. You've got a sassy family. When I get drunk, I get, like, really cultural.

Cultural. Okay, well, we are going to cleanse our palates and then come back with a couple of calls on Jordan, Jesse, go. Hi, I'm comedian Emily Heller. And I'm cartoonist Lisa Hanawalt. And we're the hosts of Baby Geniuses. Do you want to learn weird new facts? Do you like hearing successful creative women talk about their poop do you want the scoop on martha stewart's pony if you answered yes to any of these questions our show is for you we interview people like paul f tompkins kristin

shaw my full che and more so check us out on maximum fun and let us mess up your brain yes please It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. Monica Scott, sippy cup queen. Khalees Hawkins, undiagnosed silly billy um well we're having a nice time uh with our not your father's root beer i think it is uh uh yeah some in in some small way squelching the awfulness of the other two drinks uh a real treat guys now uh we have an update from a very popular Jordan Jesse Go caller.

Miss G from Tennessee, people will remember, called us when she, I believe she quit her job to start a chicken farm. What? And now we've got an update. Christian, you want to roll that call? Jordan, Jesse, guest. This is Mrs. G from Tennessee calling, surrounded by my chickens, for a chicken update. I had a sick chicken a couple weeks ago.

She was, her head was crooked. She was falling over. She seemed like she just wasn't going to make it. So I gave her about two weeks of being on some antibiotics and some other nice stuff that helped chickens out. And I'm like, oh, God, she's just not getting better. So I got to show up for chickens. So I go down to do the deed, and I just can't do it that day.

So I wait. I wait for the next day. I'm like, you know what? I got to do this. I'm a farmer. This is what I'm committed to do. I have to put her down. So I go down to do it. And this bitch is smiling at me like nothing happened. I don't have to do the deed. And so today I am letting her taste freedom for the first time in several weeks,

thereby proving all of my asshole friends wrong and my husband. I have all 16 chickens still alive. Get them, get him, get him. Talk to you later. Bye. Hey, that was heartwarming. Congratulations Mrs. G for not having to kill a chicken. I have so many questions. Also, like, head sideways

and falling over sounds like demonic possession. Maybe he had a bird flu. I've heard it's going around. Yeah, when she says a little detail, she's like, possession. Maybe he had a bird flu. Could have had a bird flu. I've heard it's going around. Yeah, when she says a little detail, she's like, oh, I have him on some antibiotics and some other stuff that's nice for chickens. What is that?

Are you smoking this chicken out? She's just blowing the smoke right into the chicken's little beak. Does she have a tiny vape pen for this chicken? Oh, it's so tiny. It has to be really strong, though, so the chicken just doesn't snap it in half with its beak. I mean, yeah, it's a delicate craft, crafting a vape pen for a chicken. A chicken vape. Yeah, a chicken vape.

That sounds delicious, doesn't it? Oh, do they make savory? Savory vapes? Savory vapes. I mean. I don't know much about the world of vapes. I will be honest. My dad's a big vaper.

That's kind of my whole experience with it. I will be honest. I do not smoke cigarettes, but I like a little marijuana every now and then. And I grudgingly purchased a vape because like the sippy cup, it is easy to take places. You can just walk around with that thing. Yeah. And so, yeah, I will vape. And it does have flavors available to me.

And yes, they're all fruity. There don't seem to be any savory vapes. I would probably enjoy like a fried chicken vape. Yeah. Yeah. Gravy vape. Yeah. That could be a weight loss thing.

Oh, yeah. Get that Hollywood diet. I want vinegar and salt chips. Oh, yeah. Yeah. A little sour. Good boy. Yeah.

Blowing fat barbecue clouds. Man, if we have anybody out there who's in the vape business, and I know we do. Half a drink in and we're turning into this flight to Vegas. I got an idea for a great vape. We had half of a teenage party drink. And we have great ideas. Why is she trying so hard to save this chicken? I thought chicken farmers killed chickens, though.

What is she farming them for? Is she farming eggs? It doesn't just be eggs, right? Maybe she's just farming friends. Maybe. I will say, when you introduced the call, I was like, oh, God, this girl's living my dream. Mine's with goats, but I do have the same dream for myself.

Leave it all behind. Leave it all behind. Start a goat farm. Make cheese. Doesn't choking a chicken mean masturbating? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe she masturbated.

Could be. Killing a chicken just gets her so hot. She's got to go out. These are the questions. Yeah. Also, watermelon and chicken, I'm starting to worry about why you guys brought me here today. It's not calculated. Total coincidence that we have a watermelon drink and a chicken call.

Well, accidental racism aside, we're happy for Miss G and her whole feathered family down there in whatever state she lives in. Is it Tennessee or is that just a cute name? Yeah, it's Tennessee, right? Oh, it's in her name. Yeah, it's in her name. Anyway. I want to visit that farm. We'll be right back on Jordan, Jesse, go.

Hey, you work hard. You play harder. You look great and you smell fantastic. You deserve a vacation where you can kick back, hone your creativity, enjoy incredible comedy performances, and make some new lifelong friends in a maybe haunted

inn in the Poconos Mountains. We've got The Adventure Zone, JJ Go, Joe Firestone's Friends of Single People, plus stand-up from Aparna Nancherla, Phoebe Robinson, Kevin Avery, Joel Kim Booster, and way more. Join us for MaxFunCon East, September 2nd through 4th. There are only 10 rooms left, so head to MaxFunCon.com and nail down your tickets today. Like now. Do it. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. Monica

Scott, sippy cup queen. Khalees Hawkins, undiagnosed silly bully. Before we go, a couple of quick pieces of housekeeping. If you want to come to MaxFunCon East, tickets still available. All that info, I would imagine, is online at MaxFunCon.com. It's a real hoot, and I think that the lineup was officially announced. I don't know it off the top of my head, but I think you can poke

Jesse Thorne there on social media and find it. Maybe don't ask him personally. Maybe he's posted it already. Don't go, what's the lineup? Don't go poking him on Facebook. Don't go poking him. Don't go poking the man.

He's busy. He is either on vacation or has a death in the family. One of the two. Still undecided. Hard to say. And we got a couple of fun t-shirts out there for Jordan and Jessie Go fans. We have the, Christian, is the Garaba shirt still available or is that done?

Okay, no Garaba shirt. You fucked that one up if you didn't get it. Wow, embarrassing. Yeah, very embarrassing. But you can still get a summer boy t-shirt or tank this is the 2016 version spelled with an i summer b-o-i sounds like i need that one yeah oh boy listen i do not have the power to give out free shirts if i did uh you would have one for the uh incredibly baller movie sneaking champagne to the beach so summer boy t-shirts

available Duke Goobler t-shirts available at maxfunstore.com grab them and send us some shots of you hanging out in your fun tees and with your health goth buddies I think that's what we want to see

yes we want to see some fun health goth summer boy selfies I want to see the two groups coming together. Sorry for my belch. Summer boys and health goths coming together.

Yes. So I think that is that. Guys, I wanted to give you a minute for plugging if there is anything people should know about. Obviously, you have the grams. I do. I'm on Twitter and Instagram at Mighty Monica. Yes. It's Monica with a K.

Don't get frightened. I also have a podcast called What Did You Learn where I watch documentaries and then try to coherently talk about them in a not insane way. Anything cool recently that they should check out on that particular show? Yeah. You know, we – well, we're about to do Lost Soul. That'll be the one that comes out next week, which is the one about the Richard Stanley Island of Dr. Moreau. Oh, boy. And I can't wait because I just feel like I'm going to hate Richard Stanley.

Okay. And I'm going to have a lot of mean stuff to say about it. So it'll be fun. Yeah. Excellent. Khalees, you are also on the Twitter and the Grams apparently Yes, it's Khalees Hawkins

That's C-A-L-I-S-E Join my Twitter or my Instagram actually and look at my portfolio Stuff you want to remember Also, hey You're a writer on At Midnight, so am I Are you watching the fucking show, listener?

Watch the show. Put it on your DVR or on your Hulu grabber. This is an aggressive new marketing campaign. I'm sorry, but I'm sick of people not watching the show. You're listening to this and you're not watching. What are you doing? What are you doing? It's getting so awesome.

It's great and funny. And Paul Feig's going to be on it on Friday with the woman from the AT&T commercials. Oh, that's good. Yeah, that'll be fun. Yeah, that sounds really fun. Her name is Milana Weintraub. She does a lot of things that's not the AT&T commercials. She's an accomplished actress and comedian.

She seems great. And great on the program. Anyways, that's that. Jesse Thorne, in theory, will be back next week for another program. For myself and him and Brian Fernandez, our producer, and Christian, join us on the boards. Have a swell rest of your time before you listen to the next podcast. Thanks, guys.