Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 439: Cavemen Around a Campfire with Danielle Radford

Episode Date: August 1, 2016

Danielle Radford, one of the hosts of MaxFun's new wrestling podcast Tights and Fights joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Danielle's visit to the Showgirls strip club, the truth behind animal segments on talk shows, and which appetizer is best for dipping.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. How are you, friend? Doing good. I'm doing good too. It's nice to be back in the room with you. Sure.

Back on the horse again. I will admit, people who listened to last week's episode yeah where i was in the host chair and last week uh was what you usually refer to as a non-canonical episode yeah and that you're drunk yeah exactly yeah i go to a strange new world where spider-man is a Latino teenager. Yeah. I realized... Well, technically, we're in a strange new world where Sonny D is a Latino teenager. Oh, yeah, I guess so.

Wait a minute. Now, Chris, you're like 22. Sorry. Sorry, Christian's like 20. He has a teenish enthusiasm, though. He does have a teenish enthusiasm and foolishness. Sure. Yeah, I mean, he's very foolish.

Extremely hot-headed. Hey, Christian, it's okay. We know you're a big boy. I remember something that we did a couple of times in college that we thought was funny, but the people we were doing it to did not, which is, I think, most of the things we did in college. I mean, we hosted a radio show together for four years. Sure. Was when we would see someone with a child, call the child a baby, even though it's like four.

And they hate it. They hate it so much. A four-year-old hates being called a baby. And their parents don't like it. No, it's still funny to me, though. But we would do it and laugh. I'm laughing right now because i'm remembering how funny that was yeah so to all the to all the i just listen so what a beautiful baby

not only to christian yeah who we downgraded to teen yeah but to all the to all the four-year-olds who we called babies in college we're sorry We know you were big boys and girls. But I will continue. I mean, I am deeply committed right now. Anyone under – I'm 35 now. Sure. I'm going to say anyone under 31 is a teen. Okay.

Depending on, like, what type of hat they're wearing. Sure. Pretty much. General vibe. Yeah, of hat they're wearing. Sure. Pretty much. General vibe. Yeah, like if they're holding a skateboard. Yeah. Yeah, no, someone holding a skateboard is a teen. Yeah.

It could just be, like, a 40-year-old burnout. Well, let's be clear. That's the only people that hold skateboards anymore. Sure. There's no teens skateboarding in America in 2016. They're hoverboarding. Yeah, or whatever. They're hoverboarding. Yeah, or whatever. Yeah, I mean, it's hard to catch Pokemon when you're trying to also do a backside shove it.

Yeah, backside shove it. That was better than vert ramp. Both bad. Yeah. So, yeah, let's say this. Olly olly, Barry. Let's say 0 to 12. Sorry, that's a kind of jam.

Let's say 0 to 12. Yeah. Baby. Right. zero to twelve. Yeah. Baby. Right. Twelve to thirty-one teen. Yeah. Thirty-one and up to death. Grandpa.

Well, I was going to say big boy. And I think that's the thing like Summer Boar where it doesn't need to be gendered. Yeah. We can all be big boys. Yeah. Even girls or people who identify as some other kind of gender.

You know what? I think that in some ways the story of our generation, Jordan, is the story of the struggle to become a big boy. Yeah. In a difficult economic and social climate. Well, and to go in the big boy potty. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, I think that all of us look up to the greatest big boy of them all, President Barack Obama.

Sure. Yeah. I mean, I know we don't want to get too partisan on the show. Certainly not. No, I mean, this is a deeply nonpartisan program. Sure. It's informational. We have always been, well, we've always supported the natural law party because we wouldn't want to defy Mother program. Sure. It's informational. We have always been, well, we've always supported the Natural Law Party because we wouldn't want to

defy Mother Nature. Sure. But besides that... I mean, as your radio home in LA KPCC says, no rant, no slant. Exactly. And no grant. Ulysses S. Grant. So that's the one other thing that we're...

We will not be mentioned even in stories about the Civil War. Exactly. Well, I'll just say that guy. Yeah. That old codger. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you know, I think we all, you know, if not watch the whole thing, at least watch clips of the DNC this week. And yeah, I was just really inspired by that big boy. And, yeah, I was just really inspired by that big boy.

I mean, this is, I mean, and I felt great that, you know, I got to have, you know, this big boy in my country for eight years. And his amazing big boy wife. And, I mean, the first ever African-American man occupying the presidency, living in the White House, eating grown up food with a fork and knife. Sure. It is so beautiful to me. You know what I mean? Like it's such a beautiful picture. Yeah. And it's really, really amazing that we might have our first female big boy. That's true. I mean, for years, children, young girls growing up had no female big boys in the White House to look up to.

Sure. They had them in Congress and the Senate, certainly. Of course, sure. Dianne Feinstein. Certain astronauts. Yeah. But, yeah, I course, sure. Dianne Feinstein. Certain astronauts. Yeah. But, yeah, I mean, it's a new world. Sally Ride.

It's a new world. Who might have been the teacher that blew up. No, I think Sally Ride was fine. That's the astronaut? I think she's the first woman in space. Okay. Yeah. What was the teacher that blew up?

Joe Challenger. We, of course, respect this and all of our nation's tragedies. Absolutely, yeah. A single tear rolls down our face. We apologize. Yeah. To the Challenger. And its friends.

Sure. Everyone. All big or small, whatever the size may be. So, what are we talking about? Big boys? Big boys? Teens? Teens?

Tweens? All those. What about tweens? Who's a tween? I mean, I think a tween is a toad. Okay. I don't think a tween is necessarily an age. I think a tween is a toad.

Okay. I think someone could behave like a tween. I mean, I think it would be different if we were in marketing, which we're not. Right. We're in journalism. Right. But- That's why we're so non-partisan exactly no rant no slant yeah um no no no you let's see this great yeah i think of a tween as kind of a connected young person right you know getting out there hot takes you know what how i imagine a teen or i mean excuse

me forgive me you know how i imagine a tween it me. Forgive me. You know how I imagine a tween? It's a boy and his twin brother. They live in a hotel. Okay. Yeah. And they're sort of running everything. They're super rich and they're running everything from this hotel. They're having like, I guess I would describe it as a sweet life. Yeah.

You're totally getting at something that I don't know what you're talking about. Should we introduce our guest? Because she clearly knows exactly what I'm talking about. Yes, please. Help me out. I would love nothing more than to participate in the bit. She's a comic. She's one of the hosts of Maximum Fun's brand new podcast, Tights and Fights, Danielle Radford.

Hi. Hey, how's it going Fights. Danielle Radford. Hi. Hey, how's it going? Hi. Danielle, would you like to care to explain to Jordan what bit was Jesse doing? So The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. Okay. It's a television show. It's about these kids who, as he said, they live in a hotel.

And somehow all these crazy hijinks happen in the hotel. Wow. But then later, later, they're on a boat? What? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. What? Yeah.

They still have a pretty sweet life on the boat, though. Do they change the spelling of sweet depending on where they are? No, they should. I would have called it the tight life of Zack and Cody. For the first half of the show, it was spelled S-U-I-T-E. Sure. So sweet. Then later on in the run of the show, it was spelled B-O-A-T.

So the sweet spelled B-O-A-T. Spelled B-O-A-T. Gotcha. Right, because later they were on a boat. Is there an umlaut over that? No. No, sir. You know, it's funny. As you were saying that,

I think I recognize this show from, I think, a Dan Savage appearance on This American Life. Oh, I thought you were going to say Suite Life of Zack and Cody because I missed that one. I was like, hey, Dan.

We're Dan Savage. The boys figured something out about themselves. Yeah, they teach them that men have sensitive prostates. This is when they become ggg right that's actually called the cast who becomes ggg yeah um and again that's just kind of where i get my entertainment because i like i listen to a lot of public radio but i don't watch

a lot of tv yeah um jordan doesn't even have a tv yeah well he's sometimes on his laptop he likes to watch documentaries on Netflix. Sure. But, I mean, I prefer, like, real stories. Yeah. You know, just like, I mean, I don't need Hollywood blockbusters. I've got real stories. Can I throw something out to the two of you? Please.

And I want you to tell me whether this makes a shit ton of sense to you, okay? Probably. Whether this really connects with you. But at the end of the day, you, me, Danielle, Christian, Ira Glass, we're all storytellers. Yeah. Yep. Just storytellers. We're just trying to make sense. It's like we're cavemen. Sure.

Around a campfire. It's a primal instinct. And we're wearing those, like it's like a bearskin midriff. You know what I'm talking about? Like a single strap bearskin. It's a singlet. We're wearing a bearskin singlet. Like a bearskin singlet.

And we're holding those. It's like a fat baseball bat. To club? You got it. That's the one. And we're chasing those, you know, it's like a walrus, but it's crossed with a tiger. Sure. A dinosaur.

Yeah. And anyway, the point is we're storytellers. Beginning, middle, end. Okay. Set up. Rising action. Climax. Sure.

Deux Morts. Okay. Boy goes on a journey. Finds out who his dad is. Exactly. Post credits tease for the next story. Yeah. A boy goes on a journey. Finds out who his dad is. Exactly. Post-credits tease for the next story. Yeah. You can never go home again.

Sure. You guys. I can never go home again. I only do cave drawings of two boys who live in a hotel. Right? Yeah. And the adventures that go on. I mean, really, the Suite Life of Zack and Cody, I think, is just based on one of our

oldest archetypes. Yeah. That's really true. Man versus nature, man versus self, twins versus hotel. Of course. Just like the Legend of the Monkey King. They have those cudgels that grow or shrink. It lets them dance among the clouds with their pig friend.

This is also in the Suite Life of Zack and Cody. Yes, yes. It's a very special episode. That sounds special. You know what? The more I think about it, this is actually a Mary-Kate and Ashley thing. Oh. This is from Mary-Kate and Ashley on New York Minute.

Mm-hmm. Co-starring Andy Richter. Man, one time I got to talk to Andy Richter about what it was like to be in a Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen movie. Yeah. He said it was really fun. Yeah, because Andy Richter had that fun part of his career where he was not on Conan anymore, but was out being just like a working character actor

and did all sorts of, like he did those cool sitcoms that he was in. Yeah, his sitcoms, he did two different very funny sitcoms. Super funny, super, super fun. different very funny sitcoms. Super funny. Super, super fun. Andy Richter is great. I think one of them was called The Tight Life of Andy Richter, if I'm not mistaken. Yeah, yeah, sure. I think that's right.

It was about his pussy. It's true. That's true. So many tight lives out there. But yeah, yeah. Then he was just the dad in a lot of stuff. Yeah, totally. That's fun.

Well, who else would you get? No. Andy Richter is a delight. That's the best one. That's the best one of stuff. Yeah, totally. That's fun. Who else would you get? That's the best one. That's the best one to get. Oh, by the way, I'm starting that part of my career now, so this will be the last podcast. Oh, really? Yeah, I'm heading out to be a beloved sitcom dad. Well, at least I'm getting that Tonight Show money.

That's going to last forever. Boy, howdy. Wait, that's when he came back. Sorry. I messed up the timeline there. That's okay to last forever. Boy, howdy. Wait, that's when he came back. Sorry. I messed up the timeline there. That's okay. When I was making that analogy. I think Conan forgives you. Thank you, Conan.

Yeah, Conan forgives you. Thank you, Conan. Do you have an earpiece that you're talking to Conan O'Brien? You know, we just speak through our hearts. Oh. Yeah. Like Care Bears. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have the same connection with Spike Ferriston. From talk show with Spike Ferriston. Yeah. Short-lived, but your bond is strong. Yeah, our bond is strong. He wrote The Soup Nazi. Yeah. Spike Ferriston.

I have one with Magic Johnson from The Magic Johnson Show. Oh, The Magic Johnson show. Oh, the Magic Johnson show. Yeah. I've got one with Keenan Ivory Wayans from the Vibe show. Oof. I think. I think that means that you're also connected to all Wayans because they are all connected.

Sure. They're like the Borg. Yeah. We are Wayans. Join us. Resistance is futile. Yeah, I think the Way-ins are just numbered. Why are you tripping?

I am Kim Weigh-ins. I'm probably doing fine. I'm probably not sweating it. I just want to meet the one doing okay but doesn't need to be on TV weigh-ins. Just the one normal weigh-ins. Just the weigh-ins who's a phlebotomist? Yeah, just the well-adjusted Wayans. I would love to meet them. He's like, yeah, I went to phlebotomy school and I work at Kaiser.

I work down at Kaiser. Really touching some lives. It's great. Yeah, it's really good to help people do their blood tests. And, you know, he sees the guys a couple times a year. I mean, they're so busy with shooting and everything. Yeah, but we have a lot of fun when we have a family barbecue. We make time to hang out.

You know, a lot of people say I'm the funny one. In a way, it kind of comes out when I'm doing my phlebotomy. Sure. Yeah. Trade school. What's the most recent Weyans thing? Is there a current Weyans project either on TV or coming to theaters? The only project I know of is Damon Wayans Jr.

and he's doing great. Oh, Damon Wayans Jr. is in all the things. I consider him to be a Wayans project for sure. Didn't the middle Wayans didn't they just have a parody movie come out recently? Yeah, I think Marlon Wayans

still heads up the yearly or bi-yearly scary movie or maybe they're not even parody movie come out recently? I think, yeah, I think Marlon Wayans still heads up the yearly or bi-yearly scary movie, or maybe they're not even called scary movie anymore. I think it was something besides scary movies. Oh, you know, I remember it.

I did not see it, but I remember it was called A Haunted House, and I think that was pretty funny. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's pretty good. That's like their contract with America,

is just we have to put out. That's how we let them have so many Wayans. Do you think they got the idea to have a contract? They have to keep up their copyright or else they lose the Wayans name. Oh, right. That's why there were all those bad Spider-Man movies. It's like, oh, shit. Then the Wayans go into the public domain and anybody can make a Wayans movie.

Next year, I'm hoping. I'm hoping to get to be a Wayans. Yeah. Sounds pretty dope. I want to be a Wayans. Yeah. Sounds pretty dope. I want to be a new girl. That would be fun. Can I ask you a question, Danielle? Mm-hmm.

Do you think that they got the idea to have a contract with America from Newt Gingrich in the 1994 Republican Revolution? I think he still manages them, if I'm not mistaken. Oh, really? Yeah. He's going to do something. So let's talk a little bit about some of Newt Gingrich's side projects. Sure.

The Wayans Brothers. The Wayans Brothers. The Wayans Brothers. Managing the Wayans Brothers. Writing reviews of historical fiction on Amazon. At one point, he was a top 100 Amazon reviewer. You know that, right? No. Yes.

That's great. This was a while. This was before he ran for president four years ago. So this was probably five or six years ago. So he had some time on his hands and he said he and he said in his reviewer bio that he chose not to review things that he didn't like so he became a top 100 amazon reviewer exclusively reviewing things that he did like i guess he figures like he talks enough about stuff he hates in his regular life sure he's gonna keep that Amazon profile posi. Yeah.

We have Moonbase Advocate. Mm-hmm. He's been a big zoo enthusiast. Oh. Oh, like Kevin Owens. Is Kevin Owens a zoo enthusiast? He is a zoo enthusiast. He is a well-known wrestler slash zoo enthusiast.

I would like to be a zoo advocate. Mm-hmm. Like Jungle Jack Hanna. Mm-hmm. You know like Jungle Jack Hanna. You know, Jungle Jack Hanna, though, of course, the legendary guy who wore safari clothes onto Letterman and had animals climb on him in Letterman. Jungle Jack Hanna, no science background, did not work for the zoos. Just tricked someone into letting him be on TV at some point and then called someone and said, can you bring some animals? You know, and I think that is I mean, I was a PA on Ellen for a while, and I think that's how those zoo man segments work. And then various zoos or shelters or, you know, rare animal preserves will shuttle in some of their faves.

Yeah, man. Let's get that antelope famous or whatever. Yeah. We've got this hot new antelope. All the kids are going to want to come see him if we can just get him some TV time. His mixtape is about to drop. It's a fire mixtape. Yeah. He's about to drop the hottest mixtape's about to drop. It's a fire. It's a fire mixtape. Yeah, right. Yeah, he's about to drop the hottest mixtape.

And so, yeah, so just the jungle man will come and then the real zoo people will parade these animals before him. These dangerous animals. Prostitutes. Like prostitutes at a brothel. I watched this happen a couple of times. And the zoo man will just pick the ones that he likes and that he, you know, feels will be interesting. And then he goes on the show and then goofs around with the animals. And at some point he memorizes a few facts about the animals.

Sometimes the facts are fake. I just imagine it's like that scene in Showgirls where he's going around and he's like, your tits are too big. What's wrong with your nose? Pin your ears back. Like, it's that kind of thing. Yeah. Horn's too long. Why is that dog's tail not wagging?

Let's put some ice on it. Get it erect. When was the last time you molted? Put some ice on that dog's tail and get it erect. I have a lot of showgirls knowledge. Yeah. And apparently a lot of dog tail knowledge. I just, you know, girls got to have some hobbies.

I just give it one of those purple pills. You know what I'm talking about? I don't. What? I just decided to make that noise. Oh, okay. They're blue? Purple diamonds, right?

No, I think Viagras are blue. Viagras are blue? God damn it. It's purple Prozac. It's purple balloons. You're thinking of Lucky Charms. Oh, thank you. Purple horseshoes. Purple horseshoes.

Oh, man. Those mushrooms. God, sorry. I was about to say those marshmallows make me hard. Would have been funny if I wouldn't have said mushroom. Can we agree on one thing, though? Yeah. Doesn't matter what show it is, that's the best segment on the show.

Absolutely. Those are great segments. Those are so fucking fun. They're awesome. I love watching, I would watch, whether it's a comedy genius like David Letterman or- A local news boob. A genial, handsome guy like Jimmy Fallon. Sure. Or a thing that's in between those two things.

Yeah. Yeah, you know, oh God, I was going to observe something about those. Okay, let's see. I saw all the guys. Oh, so here's the thing that I could never figure out. Yes. The people who bring the animals. Yes.

For the zoo man to choose. Yes. A la showgirls. Right. What do they get out of the deal? What do they get out of the deal? Why do they shuttle this, you know, echidna or whatever from its preserve to the Ellen studio? Well, I'm going to draw a parallel because we both have a background in show business. You worked on the Ellen show for some years.

And, of course, have been on air television for six months. Yeah, yeah. That short of a time it was yeah god when you're longer younger time when your young time goes slowly sure yeah um it seemed like a lot of time it's very bad job in six months i'll be dead um i uh okay so what i was going to say is you've worked in show business you've been on camera you were on camera personality on cable television, and so on and so forth. You're a television writer right now. Of course, you've appeared on and won the internet on televisions at midnight. Sure. I have a similar background in that I've met Peter Sagal. And at every public radio program

director's conference, there's a public radio show. And again, I'm not here to drop names. Okay. Certainly. You worked for Ellen DeGeneres. Well, I've met the host of Bird Note. Okay. Bird Note is like a, it's like one of those 60-second public radio shows.

They don't really run very much here in a big city like Los Angeles. But in a lot of smaller places, in place of local news, they'll drop in a little segment. There's another one about- Just like a writer's almanac type thing. Exactly, like the writer's almanac. Or there's one about what's going on in space this week. Okay. Not like Lizardman.

Yeah. Like the constellation of Ryan. The Galactus approaches. He sent out his herald, the Silver Surfer. The Silver Surfer second. That's what it is. How close is the Silver Surfer to Earth? It's only one.

Heralding the arrival of Galactus. I would want to know that from public radio. How close the Silver Surfer is. It's only one second long, though, so it's either chill or- Fuck! Well, we tag him every time, because Galactus, I feel like that dude's here like every 10, 15 years. Yeah, yeah. So we tagged the Silver Surfer so we know when he's coming around.

Wait a minute. We tagged him like a whale that we're trying to keep track of? Like on his dorsal fin? Silver Sounds is what we call him. We track him by Silver whale that we're trying to keep track of, like on his dorsal fin? Silver sounds is what we call him. We track him by silver sounds. Sure. Okay. He emits a frequency.

You, of course, you and I both work in show business. Sure. The folks from Bird Note, so at the public radio conference, which is for program directors to decide what shows to carry, they have a Bird Note booth. carry they have a bird note booth and every year at the booth there is some kind of live raptor okay so like a bird of prey a bird of prey so they will get in touch with local owls they want to meet you. Local owls. Hot local owls are waiting for your call. Waiting to show you their hooters.

Vomit up a mouse skeleton on your face. So, there's live birds of prey there. So, I would counter your question, why did they bring them to be on television with a second question, perhaps more pressing, why did they bring them to be on television with a second question perhaps

more pressing why do they bring these animals to go to a public radio conference yeah like i think at some point they're just happy to have someone listen to them yeah i guess if you spend your whole life caring for injured you know ibexes. Right. You know and maybe it's even part of it. I mean I feel like I'm figuring this out in my head as we're talking. Thank you guys by the way for helping me. Sure. I think the people who work with these animals probably

you know are conservationists. Yeah I think that's fair. And care about the animals and want to get you know people and kids interested in the animals so you know they help you, save their habitats or whatever. Right, right. So, yeah, maybe this is part of their outreach is showing, you know, TV audiences how majestic these condors or ibexes can be.

Right, because kids are real stupid. So like, oh, yeah, they probably like, hey, and then, you know, you'll talk to a kid and they'll be like, well, what does what do you do and it's like oh they don't talk yeah it's like not disney like you're not gonna and they're like what are they gonna start dancing it's like no no we don't they don't it may poop yeah they just kind of i feel like your face yeah that's a trick yeah i feel like if i had spent my whole life taking care of ibexes i would feel like i had spent my whole life explaining the difference between an ibex and a gazelle sure and a dick dick for that matter yeah you don't get me started on dick dicks yeah i won't um you know and i i based on my experience

thanks for your consideration in that matter by the way based on my experience – Thanks for your consideration in that matter, by the way. Based on my experiences, the TV talk show Jungle Man is a fraud. Uh-huh. But I choose to believe that's not true about the San Diego Zoo's Joan Embry. Really? Yeah. I think she does work at the zoo. I think she really does work at the San Diego Zoo, and I believe that she's the exception to this rule. Because I have only done one thing that is like this.

I've never done anything with live animals. I did do something at one point, at two points, with the director of the Mütter Museum. Are you familiar with the Mütter Museum? Yes. So it's this museum of medical oddities, Danielle, in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. That sounds so upsetting. It's amazing. It's totally amazing.

It's like a 19th century medical museum that has continued to this day. So they have like those pull crank like vibrators and like – Yeah, but it's not like – Just tell us about the vibrators. Well, just I'm thinking of other things to cure like old-timey diseases like a surgery. More like enormous colons. no yeah so it's creepy and gross but real right like it is an actual educational institution a non-profit uh part of the physician's library if i remember correctly of philadelphia really great place, the director of the Mutter Museum,

his predecessor made the museum famous by going on Letterman. And he also does media appearances and has come on our show. And he is really, as far as I can tell, the actual director of the museum and is a charming and delightful man. And has seen the colons before he gets on air. Fully familiar with the colons. In this case, he has seen the jar of flaked off skin. Okay. Yeah. A jar of flaked off skin?

Yeah. That you keep in a jar? Yeah. I don't keep it in a jar, no. Oh. The museum does. Yes. For science reasons.

Yeah. Here's what a jar of flaked off skin If you count how much flaked off skin is there in it, you win the jar. It's like the jelly beans at a neighborhood carnival. This is at a Boy Scout event. Yeah.

Speaking of giant colons, can we circle back to showgirls? Yeah, I'd love to circle back to showgirls. I want to hear about showgirls fandom as it exists in 2016. Is it still alive? Do you go to Showgirls events? And have you played the Showgirls party game that a woman I dated once had? Is that the one that comes in the VIP edition?

I think it is in the VIP edition, yes. Yeah, so there is still – I don't know so much about nationwide i know i'm from seattle so back home i've actually i i have become uh friends with a guy back home named david schmader who david schmader is yeah he's a uh he's a writer he's like he i don't think he's doing it anymore but he um was the editor of like the stranger and stuff up there. Oh, cool. And he used to do these live viewings of showgirls where he would do commentary over it. Okay. And it's hilarious and funny and he's super charming. Was it like a tour guide?

Was it fun facts? It was everything. It was fun facts. Then he would make fun of stuff and then he would talk about his theories about different parts of it. And then he would talk about like his theories about different parts of it. It was very like meticulous. And it was so well done that when they did the VIP edition, which is a box set that they did for the anniversary. But I got as a birthday present from an ex-boyfriend.

They put that on there. Not bragging. Not bragging. That's just her life. You break a lot of hearts. We get it. I know. That's, you know, there's only so many showgirls shot glasses you can get from one dude before you're like who's got something else for this yeah so yeah you uh

gonna dump a new guy who buys me birdemic merchandise i danced with that dude once the birdemic dude the the lead man or the man who made it the man who made it oh boy i have a lot of shit i want to ask you about. Okay, finish the showgirls thing and then finish and then we'll circle back to dancing with the crazy guy who directed Birdemic. I like bad movies

so I put myself in these positions. Sure. And so like he, so I got that and he is doing the commentary on it like Warner Brothers

came to him and was like, do the commentary. You are the world's foremost showgirls expert. He is, yes. He is.

Is this a heterosexual gentleman? No. No. No, no, no. But yeah, and so we became friends because I went to Vegas and the first thing I told my ex-boyfriend, different ex-boyfriend, hey-o, was that we gotta go. This is a trail of carnage you've left. Love him and leave him.

I'm just breaking hearts. Collect the promotional merchandise breaking hearts all over the west coast fellas so i took i was like i want to go to a strip club and he was like hell yeah and i was like i want to go to the strip club from showgirls and he was like why and i was like cuz so we went um it's like it's your dollywood it's my dollywood i had to go um and it's amazing it's the same. They haven't changed much of it. Did your boyfriend appreciate the strip club campily? No.

He appreciated it tittiesily. And I got a card because in the movie it's called the cheetah. And in real life it's called cheetahs. Either that or it's the other way around. That's why change it, I wonder. I thought if it's the same place i don't i don't know but i know that a woman who um looked and acted a lot like my mom did offer us a three-way hey that's fun after she uh invited my boyfriend very sweetly to touch her pussy okay it was very nice she's very nice sort of like a would you like to touch my pussy dear

um kind of she it was definitely maternal it was definitely you can touch the cat and i It was very nice. She was a very nice lady. Sort of like a, would you like to touch my pussy, dear? Kind of. It was definitely maternal. It was definitely like, you can touch the cat. And I was like, okay, there's no cat here. Sure. Oh, it was a metaphor. Yeah, her business. The business. She's very nice.

Yeah. Was the three-way, was that – was she trying to sell you something or was that just an offer because she had such a nice time? No, no, no. She wanted to sell us the three-way. Oh, okay. It wasn't – she's very nice about it. She wasn't like pushy. It's just she's at work.

What are you going to – like if I'm – back when I had a job, like I would answer phones and stuff and and part of her job was asking if I wanted three-way. I can't falter for that. Can you sell three-ways in Las Vegas? I thought you have to be in other counties. You have to be in other counties. But she thought we were cool, and so I took that as a compliment. She knows I'm chill. She knows I'm not going to shame her for sex work.

She knew you were 420 friendly. And GGG. And GGG. And I probably look a lot like her kid. She talks a little bit about her She knew you were 420 friendly. And GGG. And I probably look a lot like her kid. She talks a little bit about her kid. Because I like to make friends when I'm there. And always a hot run up to threesome is talking about

your kids. I like to know people. To be fair to her, if I'm going to get involved in a paid three way I want it to be with someone that looks like my children. Yeah, that's fair. See?

One of the cardinal rules. So, okay. So, three-way and pussy touching aside. Yes. Was your trip to the strip club featured in Showgirls everything you hoped it would be? It was everything I wanted it to be. Because I was lucky enough to go to, I think it's demolished now or it's turned into something else.

I got to go to the bowling alley from the Big Lebowski before they closed it down. And it is not, or it was not Lebowski'd out. But there was a lot of little things. There was a lot of like, you know, somewhere there will be a photo of Jeff Bridges. And there were just a lot of dudes there drinking white Russians. Now it could have been because it is

deep in the valley and that's just what an old guy drinks. But I, yeah, but I think it was a lot of, you know,

kind of subtle nods to the Lebowski. Did the strip club from Showgirls have any kind of, you know, Elizabeth Berkley slept here

type plaques? No, I wish they did. I wish, because I would have taken so many pictures by that plaque if there was.

It was just they kept the lighting the exact same. And this was only like four years ago. And I think Showgirls was like, how old? Showgirls has got to be like 20 years old at this point, something like that. So it was four years ago. They kept the lighting. The stage looked exactly, exactly the same. Was it lit in like a 1994-ish

manner? Like a Colorado Rockies or Florida Marlins logo? Just like everything is purple and teal? Yeah, everything was purple and teal.

I'm not even kidding. Everything was purple and teal. It was beautiful. And all the women had underwear that made it look like they had long butts. Oh.

Those long butts. Yeah, long butt clothing. I would go to the Long Butt Strip Club. Yeah. I would go to that. Oh, long butts. It's actually, it's called Oh, Long Butts. Yeah, yeah butt clothing. I would go to the long butt strip club. Yeah. I would go to that. Oh, long butts. It's called Oh, Long Butts.

Yeah, yeah. It's a pirate thing. It's also in the valley. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's got to be in the valley. So now tell us about dancing with the possibly insane man who directed Birdemic. I was at Bridgetown a few years back.

Bridgetown Comedy Festival. Bridgetown Comedy Festival. Portland, Oregon. Or Oregon, as the locals prefer to pronounce it. Yeah, it's Oregon. They'll shoot you. They have bumper stickers that says that. They get real cranks.

Yeah, and it was the after party, and so we just this little dude like i was dancing like grabbed my hand and was like wanted to dance with me and so i was dancing and then like about because i was wasted and everyone was having a good time and people were buying pot cookies and it was great and then and you like to cut a rug i do i'm a rug cutter i do like to uh it's a little harder now because uh i got hit by a bus so everything's all messed up in my body. But back then, I was very light. I was very light on my feet. So we were dancing, and I realized like halfway through, it was the Birdemic guy.

Because like someone next to me goes, holy shit, you're dancing with the Birdemic guy. And then you knew. And then I was like, oh, I'm dancing with the Birdemic guy. And so I think I had, someone took pictures somewhere, but it's got to be like eight iPhones ago. So I'm not sure. Were they showing Birdemic there? Is he just an alt-comedy fan? Birdemic 2, I think.

Okay, sure. Birdemic 2 might have been screening. Gotcha. Yeah. Seems like you've led a rich life. Yeah, I do a bunch of shit for free or that I pay money for. Okay. And I get to tell stories about –

Daniel, would you say that like Biggie Smalls, you're ready to die? Yeah, real ready. I'm ready to go. I think I'm the only person who had like kind of a near-death experience and came out of it with no epiphanies. I learned nothing. I'm just going to be careful around buses. There's that one.

Yeah, I live that every day. That's a nice fear that I have, walking down the street at all times. You and my dog Coco. My dog Coco's terrified of buses. Oh. Yeah, she's terrified of them. Yeah, she's right. Yeah.

She's trying to help you. She thinks they- They will hit you in your body. She thinks, you know that sound they make when they lower? Yeah. That's what she's- That kind of po of sound she she's horrified about it horrified maybe that's like what some ancient predator used to do before i

think that is probably before it would hit you oh it's just an instinctual dog eating right when a mammoth would hit you in the crosswalk you know those mammoths and all those cave dudes in the middle of cross it all goes back to early man. Storytelling. Right. That's what we're doing. That's what we're doing. The prestige.

Exactly. And you're welcome, folks. Yeah. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, JesseFun community. This is your friend, Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, and a bunch of other stuff. I am a longtime member, supporter, and devoted follower of Maximum Fun. And now finally I have my own podcast on the network.

It's called Magic Lessons, and it is me coaching people through their creative issues and problems. This season we have some amazing creators that we're helping through their joys and struggles of making something out of nothing. And then I bring in special guests like Glennon Doyle Melton, Brandon Stanton, Martha Beck, the poet Mark Nepo, Michael Ian Black, Sarah Jones, Gary Sheingart. These amazing friends of mine to come and help coach these people so that they can get their work done. I hope you'll tune into it. It's called Magic Lessons, and it's all about love. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, Jordan. Great. The first of them, Max Funcon East, in the Poconos. People who live there have a way of pronouncing it, and they get upset with me.

Because I pick a new way to pronounce it every time I say it. Poconos. If you're in the Poconos, if you're out there in the Poconos, in Pennsylvania, New York State, whatever, wherever the fuck it is. Labor Day weekend, Max Fun Con East.

Let me talk about what you're looking at. This is from memory. I'm not looking at a list here. This is from memory, Jordan. Of course, me and Jordan are going to be there. Sure. McElroy family's going to be there doing the Adventure Zone. Sidney McElroy's going to be there. Every other fucking McElroy is's gonna be there doing the Adventure Zone Sydney McElroy's gonna be there

every other fucking McElroy is gonna be there there were 75 McElroys we're bringing a flotilla of McElroys how many Wayanses? no Wayanses not a Wayans this year huh?

can you can you believe that? couldn't even get that one who's a podiatrist or whatever? phlebotomist phlebotomist couldn't get the rights yeah

yeah right yeah owned by Newt Gingrich, right? Our friend Robin Thede's going to be there. Hey, all right. Kevin Avery's going to be there. Cool. Aparna Nancherla is going to be there. Awesome.

What else are we looking at? We're looking at Joel Kim Booster's going to be there. That guy's pretty hilarious. I don't know who that is. He just got new faces at Just for Laughs, so maybe you should be paying attention to who Joel Kent Booster is. I guess so. Combat Jack's going to be there. I don't know what that is either.

Combat Jack, host of the Combat Jack Show. Smash It podcast about rap music. Terrific. Reggie Osei is his real life name. Who are you going to say? I was going to say I think our buddies from the Pop Culture Happy Hour, right? Linda Holmes and Glenn Weldon are going to be there. Those are them.

That's absolutely correct. You know what I just confirmed? You know our friend Stuart Wellington from the Flophouse? Yes. He's going to be there. Cool. He's running a game room. Oh, my gosh.

Yeah. That's going to be a nerd party. Tabletop gaming. You want to do some tabletop gaming with Stuart Wellington from the Flophouse? Of course you do. Why wouldn't you? Don't know. And handsome face.

I'm really hung up on how handsome Stewart is. Great looking guy. Bothers me. Sure. Upsets me. I don't like that I write him checks. Host for host? Yeah.

Pretty good looking podcast. Yeah, I know. Yeah. All three of those guys are lookers. I enjoy looking at Dan McCoy. Dan McCoy is... I like looking at him. Dan McCoy is a pretty motherfucker.

Yeah. You know what? Pretty boy McCoy is what they call him. him. Dan McCoy is a pretty motherfucker. Yeah. You know what? Pretty Boy McCoy is what they call him. Ladies, he's a gay divorcee. Yeah. Get at Dan McCoy. Yum, yum. I'm just saying, get to Max Fun East and get at that.

Because Dan McCoy's going to be there, too! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!

Pew! Pew! Pew! I'm almost sure Ashkahn's going to be there. Oh, yeah? Ashkahn just got back from getting his master's degree. Hell, pew. Pew. Pew, pew. Pew. I'm almost sure Ashkahn's going to be there. Oh, yeah? Ashkahn just got back from getting his master's degree. Hell, yeah. He'll teach a theater class.

Cool. Unless he gets this job that he has to work over that weekend as an actor. One or the other. Participation pending. I'm pretty sure that he's going to be there. Phoebe Robinson. I didn't say Phoebe Robinson from the... From Two Dope Queens podcast. Okay.

She's going to be doing stand-up comedy. This is a fucking jam-packed event. Sounds like it. This is going to be an extravaganza. Joe Firestone. Mm-hmm. Comedian... New York comedian Joe Firestone,

one of the hottest things on the entire New York scene right now, is going to be doing a show where she takes single people from the audience and uses comedian proxies to get them dates. Sounds like an amazing show. It's going to be very fun, Jordan. Great. All at MaxFunCon East. Tickets on sale right now.

MaxFunCon.com. They're just about to close and there are very few left. So if you want to come, get in on that right now. Also, we're going to be at the Now Hear This Festival. Yeah, that's I think last weekend of October. Yeah, Anaheim, California the 28th through the 30th of October. Tons of

our friends' great podcasts are going to be there. It's a million, trillion, I think they wanted 700,000 people to come to this or something. It's going to be a blast. I'm really looking forward to it. If you love podcasts, probably most of your favorites will be there. Can I add something else?

Please. If you love Anaheim. Yeah, sure. Get down there. Get down there. Let's say you're in Irvine right now. Hey, Irvine. Yeah.

Where are you at? Hey, La Jolla. Yeah. I'm in Irvine. What's going on? Oh, that's true. Yeah. Very literally.

Point taken. Point taken. But I mean, I want to. Yeah. Irvine. What's going on? Oh, that's true. Yeah. Very literally. Point taken. Point taken. But I mean, I want to hear you, Irvine. Yeah. I want to hear. Where's Irvine at? Where's the Irvine Spectrum? UCI Anteaters.

Yeah. Represent. Represent. If you live in a dorm that's named after a place from Lord of the Rings. Store that only sells glow-in-the-dark stuff! Where you at? Pew, pew, pew, pew. So, yeah.

Now you're at this festival. It's a Comic-Con-like situation where you buy a badge and you get into all these cool shows. Yeah. I think you got a super ego there. Yeah. I think you got a comedy bang-bang. Sure. Marc Maron's doing a thing.

We're doing a thing. That's our friend Marc Maron from the WTF podcast. So, yeah. Lots of cool stuff. I think it's going to be a ton of fun. And I know what you're thinking. Jesse, Jordan, what are you, a couple of coastal elitists? Mm-hmm.

And yes, granted, we are coastal elitists. Absolutely. I mean, I own a Volvo station wagon. However, let it not be said that we are not planning a secret project for the greatest city of the Middle West, February 2017. Mark your calendars. Mark it. Circle it, Chicago.

Oops. So what do we got? We got Max Funcon East. Yeah. For the folks in upstate New York or wherever. Yeah. The Northeast Corridor. We got the Now Hear This Festival for the people in Cali.

Yep. And the surrounding states. Yeah. And then at some point in February. 2017. One of the middle places. Yeah. And I say if you're in the Middle West, circle February 2017.

And then underneath where it says, under no circumstances should I leave the house during this month slash frozen wasteland. Yeah. Underneath, right, except for this one time. Cool. There you go. A lot of fun stuff to do. Unless you live in one of those cities that has secret tubes. Are there tube cities?

Yeah, Minneapolis, Minnesota's got secret tubes. Didn't know it. Yeah, they got tubes. You can go between buildings without going outdoors because it's such a frozen nightmare. Huh. That sounds fun. I'd like to be in a tube. I went through those tubes.

It was a ton of fun. I bet it's fun. It was a shit ton of fun. I bet. Minneapolis, Minnesota is a nice town. I can't remember the last time I was in a tube. I know. You got to go to Minneapolis.

I guess so. You got to go get them tubes. Is that why Prince was so cool? Yeah, he got them tubes. He got them to go get them tubes. Is that why Prince was so cool? Yeah, he got them tubes. He got them tubes. Got them tubes. Maybe if I make like a space voyage. Because that's like a popular place to go to go into like a cryo sleep.

Yeah. So it's either a trip to Minneapolis or some sort of prolonged cryo sleep. Yeah, or a spray tan. Yeah, spray tan. That'd be fun. Yeah. So there's three of your top tubes. Okay. I bet I can make

one of those happen. And I would say number four is probably fallopian. Sure. So number one would be Minneapolis, Minnesota. Number two, that would be... Space journey that involves a cryo sleep. Yeah. Number three, that's spray tan.

Number four is going to be fallopian. Yeah. Who books that? Who books fallopian tubes? Yeah, who books that? I got his number. Thank you. Thank you so much.

I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm out here grinding, guys. Yeah, yeah. I'm out here grinding. Frankly, Danielle, talk to your management. Where is your management at on this? I don't have management.

You're not represented, Danielle? No, I tried to get Gingrich. He's too busy with the Wayans. talk to your management. Like, where is your management at on this? I don't have management. You're not represented, Danielle. No, I tried to get Gingrich. He's too busy with the Wayans. I have no management. Danielle. I have unwrapped. Danielle, can I give you a tip here? Yeah.

Talk to Christian. Talk to Christian? Yeah. Get me a manager? I think Christian could be your manager. You could be my manager? You can get me in them tubes? All up in them fallopes?

We've been saying that Christian's last name is Duenas. That's actually his middle name. His last name is Gwayne. Yes, that's actually his middle name. His last name is Gersh. He's from the Gersh agency. He is the titular Gersh. He's an heir to the Gersh fortune. I heard that there was a Gersh that was working two blocks from my house and I didn't believe it. I didn't believe there was a Gersh.

Problems solved. All your problems solved right here on Jordan and Jessica. We'll be back in just a second. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Hello. This month's Beef and Dairy Network podcast is an Olympic special recorded here on Ipanema Beach in Rio de Janeiro. We'll be tackling all the big issues.

Should athletes be allowed to eat lamb? Should Olympic equestrian riders be able to ride on a cow? All these questions and more, answered in this month's Beef and Dairy Network Olympic Special. Find us at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts from. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Oh, yeah? Yeah, I went to an estate sale. It's what I like to do first thing Friday morning. Head out to an estate sale. Had a nice conversation

with a man that was behind me in line. Turns out this guy buys records. Name's Kamau. Nice man. Another record guy behind him. But I'm the first guy there to buy records. Hit those three record crates. I'm pulling him but I'm the first guy there

to buy records hit those three record crates I'm pulling stuff I'm pulling stuff I'm pulling stuff I pull out something and I say

hey you guys what is this this looks cool and the guy next to me says yeah I know that that's a good record so I kept it like five minutes later

you know we're switching he goes hey man you know what that record is and i said no he says that's 400 record i was like oh cool i just thought he was doing a funny pose in a disco suit on the cover but yeah yeah either way that's cool so momentous occasion for me i had a i had a record come up today what this thing? It's just a soul record from a local LA record label called Grenade Records. Okay. Yeah, I listened to it. It was great.

Okay. Yeah. Going to try and get $400 for it? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Hey, cool. Yeah, it wasn't $400 great. It's a real good record, but I'm trying to get that $400, my friend. Got to get it.

Yeah, you could probably also make that digital and then just still have it and then also have $400. Yeah, I know that. Yeah. Yeah, you know how money works. I know how money works. You didn't even have to holler at your manager, Gersh, over there. Nope, I already knew. Oh, Gershi.

Oh, Gershi. Oh, Kirstie Gersh. Yeah. Yeah. So if something like that momentous happens to you, let's be honest, that one's not good enough. Would have to be better than that. Use that as a jumping off point. Yeah. So if something like that momentous happens to you, let's be honest, that one's not good enough. Would have to be better than that. Use that as a jumping off point. Yeah.

If something momentous happens to you, call us 206-984-4FUN for our segment Momentous Occasions. Lots of people getting those Summer Bois t-shirts in the mail. A lot of fun. A lot of Summer Bois tanks. Love seeing those pics. You know, my wife's kid brother baby danny got one he got a tank he's out there he's like some kind of research biologist so what you're saying is while the sun's out the guns are also out oh you got it and you know my boy baby d got them guns

i bet he does you know he's got them guns while he's counting them turtles yum yum wearing a tank near the tank? He's out there on them rivers counting them turtles, my friend. Tanks on tanks. Don't you mistake it. Tanks on tanks on tanks. Deep V. Deep V.

Yum, yum. Does it come in a deep V, or did he deep its own V? No, it comes in a tank. But the tank has a built-in deep plunging neckline. Ooh. All tanks have plunging necklines relative to a crew.

True story. True story. Thank you. Well, we're all just storytellers here. Exactly. It's true. What was I saying?

We're going to listen to calls. Oh, no. What I was going to say is we also got those hot Duke Goobler t-shirts. T-shirts. And people wearing those Garaba t-shirts, too. A lot of fun.

MaxFunStore.com. Get up in there. Get your goobs. Get them goobs. Get the goobs. It doesn't matter. You don't have to be counting turtles. Nah, you can do whatever.

If you're looking out for invasive species, that's good. Mm-hmm. But you know what? It's fine no matter what you're doing. You could be doing your phlebotomy thing. Nursing Ibex back to health. You got it. Put it on TV so people can see how majestic it is.

You could be enlarging a colon. Sure. Okay, let's hear our first call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. This is Allison calling from Boston with Momentous Occasion. A couple months ago on the show, one of you guys, I think it was Jesse, sort of offhand casually mentioned a Reddit, a subreddit, where people post audio porn, essentially,

which intrigued me, and I checked it out. And long story short, one of the guys that I was listening to on audio porn just left my apartment. So that was weird and a momentous occasion for me because it was the first time I ever had a hookup like that. So thanks, I guess, for getting me laid. Bye, guys. I would like to say this. First of all, you're welcome. I'm glad to help.

I'm glad she clarified because I just thought maybe he was delivering push-mates. Get it, girl. because I just thought maybe he was delivering push-mates. Get it, girl. I would like to say that while it's interesting that she pointed out that this was the first time that she had ever had a hookup like that, I think it would have been pretty remarkable if she had had other audio pornography-based hookups that weren't built around the Reddit for audio porn. For homemade audio porn.

Boy, yeah, sex from Reddit. Not something that you would think would happen a lot. No. But I guess there's precedent now. She's so brave for taking home a dude from Reddit. I think that's great. Sure. Good for her.

I'm glad that she, I hope it sounded as good in person. Oh, yeah. Because, you know, sometimes live it can be really, like, underwhelming, especially if you're used to listening to the recording all the time. Sure. I mean, that's me when I went to see Vampire Weekend. You know, so she's been listening at home. I can hardly jack off to it. On the treadmill, listening to him go.

And it's like, is he going to be as good live? And so it sounds like she feels like he was at least as good live. So that's good. You know, always a risk when you see one of your favorite artists live. Yeah. I wonder if she taught him that the wage gap is real. That would be a concern if I was bringing home a guy from Reddit. Always a concern.

Big concern. Yeah, that's interesting. So audio, I guess I don't remember this discussion about audio porn. So a famous subreddit, which is the board groups of Reddit, is called Gone Wild. It's where people post naked pictures of themselves. Sure. I'm familiar with Gone Wild Curvy. I don't know if there's another one.

It sounds like there's maybe a more general one. There are a variety of sub-Gone Wilds, such as Gone Wild, or I should say sub-Gone Wild Curvy, such as Gone Wild. And then there's one called Gone Wild Audio. And so on Gone Wild Audio, people post, well, there's two, there's a few categories. Okay. I really, I think this is an amazing thing that exists in the world. It's not that great for jacking off, but I appreciate the craft. Like, I think it's an amazing thing that people are doing this just of their own accord.

Sure. So there's a couple of groups. One is these scenarios. So, like, someone will say, like, I want to hear one that's about a nurse that, you know, whatever. And then someone will record it. There's some where someone writes a script and then someone records it for them. Oh. Oh, wow.

There's some that are all original. The top category by far, as far as I'm concerned, is guided jackal meditation. Wow. Which is where you get hypnotized into orgasm. Is there some that are written by Aaron Sorkin? It's hard, though, because he was walking while he was talking. Yeah, the old walkin' cock. Walkin' cock.

The old Sorkin walkin' cock. It kind of sounds like ASMR but without the fuckin' around. Yeah, get right to the jerkin'. Get to the point. Stop pretending to brush my hair. It's just like, you know, you're like ascending

or descending the steps of a pyramid in space. But with each step, you become more and more aroused until. And the goal is the goal is to make you have an orgasm without touching your junk. Hmm. Huh. And then like people talk about whether they've done that or not. They're like, oh, yeah, I did it with this one.

Well, that's that's really amazing. I would want to hear about more subreddit-based hookups if anybody has them. I say let's make that a category coming up. We got summer boy calls. We got momentous occasions. Should we call it Cucks and Such? Yeah.

Cucks, et cetera. So if you've got a Cucks and Such call, first of all, say it three times fast. You have to. Cucks and Such, Cucks and Such a Cucks and such call First of all say it three times fast You have to Cucks and such Cucks and such Cucks and such Say it three times fast

And then give us a call And tell us if you've Have you hooked up on Tell us whether you wore Red leather or yellow leather Sure And especially call us If you're from unique New York

Got a toy boat Give us a call Yeah Have you hooked up on Got a toy boat? Give us a call. Yeah. Have you hooked up on Dragon's fucking Cars? Have you heard? Have you? Coming on figurines.

Have you hooked up with anyone from coming on figurines? That's a thing. What? Oh, hi. Yeah, that's a thing. Mini figs? Yeah. Or any figurine.

It's spelled the way you think. Huh. Which kind of figurines is it? Is it those kind of like fun vinyl figurines like Pharrell would have? Is it the kind? Is it like a Lara Croft Tomb Raider? A lot of them are like Japanese, but some of them are action figures. There was a Dora on there. Oh, you say.

Oh, that's not appropriate. Which made me very upset. That's terrifying. I'm hoping that one day it'll just be someone like doing their version of The Glass Menagerie. It's very understated. Sure, sure. It's what's not said. It's what's not splooged.

It's what they're not coming on. These bobbleheads, they're not coming on these bobbleheads they're not coming on um but yeah i came on that remains of the day lunchbox from waiting for that's really funny oh you're welcome coming on figure sorry r slash coming on figurines get at us this shit just blew the fuck up get Get at us. Our dozens of listeners just... Yeah. Descended on it like vultures on a jerk-off corpse. Jerk-off vultures on a jerk-off corpse.

Not to get off Reddit, but you can also find that on most porn sites as dudes. Oh, okay. Reddit, but you can also find that on most porn sites as dudes fucking coming in figurines. Do you think that that do you think that dude from Reddit audio was cute enough to fuck? She didn't include that, so no. Yeah. Like she didn't, she wasn't

like, yeah, he was fine. Yeah, it was great, and I had a really good time and so much, she was like, well, I guess I did. I guess I did that. And I had a really good time. And so much as she was like, well, I guess I did. Okay. I guess I did that. We're not shaming you for doing this, ma'am. No, we think it's great.

More power to you. Yeah, we think it's super cool. I just don't think you enjoyed it. Yeah. Okay. You did not sound enthusiastic. Yeah. Call us back when you do a weird sex thing that you're more excited about, ma'am.

Yeah. We want to hear poppers in the background. You know those party poppers? Not amyl nitrate poppers. No, please don't use those. No. It's dangerous. Okay, let's take another call.

Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. This is Ben from Fargo, North Dakota, calling with a momentous occasion. I am going to be moving into a college dorm next month with a roommate I've never met before. Can you pause this for a second? I hope that you're 18. Because I do not like it when teens and tweens listen to our program. It's not appropriate for you. You're not going to understand the sexual discussions. You're not going to understand the sexual discussions.

You're not going to understand the subtext. You're certainly not old enough to have seen Showgirls, which is rated R. You don't have the emotion. Oh, yeah. Well, then I especially hope you haven't seen it. Brains are still maturing until you're in your mid-twenties,

Jordan. And unless he's that one weird old guy who lives in the dorm. Sure. Which is absolutely a thing. True. I don't think he's emotionally ready for Jordan Jesse to go, this is a very... Maybe this is the first time he's ever listened.

He listened on his drive up to college with his parents, who I should hope are 18. Do you think he like he heard about it on that MTV show about tricking people into thinking that they're in love with you on Facebook? Yeah. He probably heard about it on Catfish.

And he looked it up. Yeah. He listened to it. He said, this isn't for me, but I'm going to call in real quick. Sure. Go back to the beginning, Christian. Go back to the beginning of this call. So we can – I'm sorry to have cut you off, young man.

I hope you're not drinking before you're 21. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. This is Ben from Fargo, North Dakota, calling with a momentous occasion. I am going to be moving into a college dorm next month with a roommate I've never met before, and I just got off the phone with him for the first time. And after introducing ourselves, the first thing he asked me was if I was a virgin.

Then later in the conversation, he asked if I would be willing to go have these with him on an electric trap set for our dorm and he finished the conversation by telling me that he had recently had his license revoked due to a minor in possession and so he was wondering if when he got off at the airport if I could pick him up and drive him to Hooters

so I don't know if this is going to be the best roommate ever or the worst roommate ever but anyway, have a great day. Bye. An electric what set? Yeah. Trap set, which I think would be a drum set. But in my imagination, I think it's a set for being in the trap.

Yeah. Yeah. With Nikki. Yeah. Bees in the trap with Nikki. Okay. I don't like that that roommate virgins chained you. Yeah. I don't like that. roommate virgins shamed you. Yeah.

I don't like that. Sure. Well, maybe he was just looking for solidarity. We didn't hear whether the roommate is also a virgin. That's a fair point. Just because you're a bad boy doesn't mean that you necessarily lost your intimate flower, and that's okay. There are a lot of distressingly frank sexual conversations that happen in dorm room hallways. sexual conversations that happen in dorm room hallways.

Absolutely. Such as the guy who I did not really know who told me that he had lost his virginity to a Tijuana prostitute that his dad had hired. Sure, that happens. Yeah.

Hey, you know what? Maybe if they are virgies... He was sad about it. Yeah, well... Yeah, I guess it would be a little weird if you want to high-five over that. Yeah. Maybe they'll meet some nice gals at Hooters.

You know what? That's possible. That's a fun place to meet women. Maybe they'll be offered a three-way. Sure. What county is this Hooters in? Yeah. Oh.

I mean, at the very least, their choice of ranch or blue cheese. Yeah. They can have both, but it's extra. Well, now they're adults, so they get to choose if it's ranch or blue cheese. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I ask you guys a question? Have you eaten at Hooters? Yes.

Yes. Well, when I worked for Fuel TV, I had a Hooters black card. What? I literally had that. What is that? It's 50% off everything. Why? How do you get that?

You fucking work for a dopey TV network that runs a lot of hooters commercials wow and does a lot of integrated hooters uh we gotta get that branded content gotta get it gotta get that sponsor i would like i would prefer rather than a 50 discount that it be an unlimited line of credit your money is no good here. Yeah, yeah. And, like, you're running, like, Janine Garofalo in, what's that movie called? I mean, Winona Ryder in Reality Bites. You remember when she has her dad's gas card and she's selling gas at the gas station? Oh, yeah.

That's you, but you're up in the Hooters with your black card. I'm selling wings. Yeah. Just giving guys. Yeah, yeah. station oh yeah that's you but you're up in the hooters i'm selling wings yeah just give them giving guys yeah yeah uh yeah i mean you know i i think you could make the argument that uh you know hooters uh hooters has some questionable sexual politics i would hear that argument from someone they've got some tight entertainment though uh the one in las vegas used to have a prince cover band oh boy called purple rain spelled R-E-I-G-N.

Oh, that's fun. That's really fun. It was really fun. Purple B-O-A-T. Purple B-O-A-T, the Suite Life. Yeah. A prince. A prince and his twin brother lived on a-

Jordan, you're a well-known enthusiast of BW3. Sure. Buffalo, Wild Wings, and Weft. How would you compare them wangs? Of BW3. Sure. Buffalo, Wild Wings, and Weft. Mm-hmm. How would you compare them wangs at BW3 and at the Hootin' Toot? The old Hootin' Toot. Well, and I don't know how you feel about it. That's what you call it when you use your Hooters black card to do a line of cocaine in the bathroom.

Yeah, yeah. The old Hootin' Toot. The old Hooters black card to do a line of cocaine in the bathroom. Yeah, yeah. The old hootin' toot. The old hootin' toot. Brap, brap. You get your cocaine, you can have a choice of ranch or blue cheese. Yeah. Are you a fan of hot wings? I do like hot wings.

Okay. I'm a fan. I like more of a crispy hot wing than a soggy hot wing. Me too. So I did like the Hooters hot wings because they're more of a crispy. Yeah. Hooters does a nice job. They do a really nice job with hot wings.

They're huge. Yeah, they are. You know, you don't get the flavor choice like you do at B-Dubs. You don't, you know, I think they only have, you know, like heat levels. What are you going with, a hot or a medium? I would go like if it was a five-tiered system. Right. I would maybe go to a three, four if everybody else at the table wanted it but would not be my preference.

Right. Yeah, that's about where I am. I like to taste that wang. Yeah. You got to taste that wang. You got to taste that wang. Count them turtles, taste them wang. Yeah, but Hooters is a pretty nice job.

I mean, as far as a place to hang out and get a couple drinks and eat some wings, pretty tasty. I mean, I think these days there are a lot of other wing options that don't potentially alienate any women who might want to come with you to eat wings. Right. So I would probably choose those. Or any moral men. Sure, yeah, for instance. Yeah. Moral men.

Sure. Yeah. For instance. Yeah. So, yeah. I mean, but, yeah, I think as far as food quality goes, pretty solid wings at Hooters. Wings are fucking good. I just don't. I mean, they do.

Even though they did that South Park episode, like, it is true. Like, don't. When the women sit down at the table with you, like, they're not your friend. So it's, you know, be nice to her. She's at work. But, like, don't try to take her home right because she's like not your friend and i feel like his friend or his new roommate like might not know that yeah um so maybe that's like a thing you can lay down before you get inside the hoots yeah

they're there to have fun 420 friendly 420 friendly no drama keep it light and breezy ranch or blue cheese do you think he met his new roommate on reddit.com slash r slash gone wild audio slash hooters virgin

don't we have one more yeah this one's a big one let's get it Brian Sonny D sent us a note said this one's a long one because we usually say I mean you know

what I always say Jordan I'm from San Francisco sure no keep it pithy keep it pithy D sent us a note and said, this one's a long one because we usually say, I mean, you know what I always say, Jordan. I'm from San Francisco. Sure. No, keep it pithy. Keep it pithy is what I always like to say about these momentous occasions. And this one, less than pithy, but Brian said, it's worth it. It's worth the investment.

And at the end of the day, Jordan, we're all just a bunch of fucking cavemen telling stories around the campfire. Drinking cowboy coffee. Eating some mastodon wings with some blue cheese. Or ranch. Yeah. Blue cheese, though. Seriously, blue cheese. That's not a tough choice. Kristen, don't shake

your head at me. Fuck you if you want ranch with your wings. Sometimes I like a ranch. Fuck ranch. If they'll bring out both, I'll have both. Yeah. If I have to choose, I'll do blue cheese. Yeah, absolutely. But I'll do both. Blue cheese is so much fucking better than ranch.

It's way better. You're right. I do like, here, here's a value that I have. Blue cheese is the king of dressing. Sure. Here's a value that I have. Yeah. Is multiple dipping sauces.

Yeah, okay. And I will dip something in an inferior sauce for variety. Agree with you. If you are dipping apps, it doesn't get any better than blue cheese. But if you got some onion rings

or something. Rings? Rings. Rings and ranch is a good combo. Rings and ranch is a good combo. Yeah, or some barbecue. Yeah, it's a nice variety. You mix it up, and then you can appreciate the blue cheese more. Yeah. I want to be clear. When I say fuck ranch, I'm not saying that ranch is – it's a relative fuck ranch compared to blue cheese.

If it's a choice. Like, if you just said, would you like ranch or no ranch, of course I want ranch. I made ranch up at the cabin. I made my own ranch. Oh, yeah? What? You heard about this Mississippi Roach? Mississippi Roast?

No, uh-uh. It's like, it's a roast you cook in the slow cooker. And the traditional way to make it is you use a packet of ranch dressing mix and a packet of au jus mix and a bunch of pepperoncinis. That sounds nice. And then you slow cook it and it comes out zesty and delicious. Oh, and an entire stick of butter. Hell yeah. Oh, there it is.

I, because I am classy, made the New York Times version. In the New York Times version. It has peas in it and people are mad, right? Yeah. You use half a stick of butter and you make the ranch. I made the ranch. It was hella good.

It turns out it's pretty easy to make ranch if you have buttermilk. Yeah, I was really surprised. There's only like four things in ranch. So let's just finalize our argument here. Right. I want to come to a consensus. Yeah. Blue cheese, best dipping sauce.

Do you agree with this? I agree with it. Okay. I didn't want you to think you were pressured into joining our side if you have a different opinion. Because I want to hear that opinion. I do like it. But I mean, I also like a sweet and sour, but that's not for the wing argument. We don't want a situation where you're a teen, we're a dad, and blue cheese is a Tijuana prostitute.

They made me have the blue cheese. It's okay. Let it out. It's fine. It's a safe space. I want to be clear. He wasn't sad enough about it. Should have been sadder.

He was too ambivalent about it. Sure. He did seem to tell it to a guy he was sharing a dorm with. He was bragging about it in a slightly sad way. I think, I mean, the sad part is your dad having any involvement, right? Like, that's the sad part is that why is your dad involved? And probably the life of a Tijuana prostitute is sad. It might depend.

She might have a chill. I'm not saying I'm not. I said probably. I think there are probably Tijuana prostitutes who chose that life willingly out of an abundance of economic options. Yeah. You gotta be fucking rolling it in.

A lot of dads. There are a lot of dads in Tijuana. A lot of dads, a lot of big boys. They're all looking to get them kid that firsthand job. Gotta get it. Yeah. Blue cheese. King of dressings.

King of dressings. King of dipping sauces. You got it. But if you can have some other dipping sauces around, it'll make your meal more fun. Honey mustard. Honey mustard. Absolutely. Honey mustard.

Absolutely. Ranch is in there. Barbecue is in meal more fun. Honey mustard. Honey mustard. Absolutely. Absolutely. Ranch is in there. Barbecue's in there. Not my fave. Like to have it around sometimes. And hey, can I get some love for ketchup? No. Okay. Ketchup is kind of a snooze. Oh yeah?

For little kids. Okay. I'm not saying you shouldn't put ketchup on a burger or whatever. I'm just saying I don't really want to dip burger or whatever. I'm just saying, like, I don't really want to dip anything in ketchup. It's not anything to me. Give me barbecue sauce. Okay. Boy, I thought we were going to have a summit here

where we could all agree, but you're taking this anti-ketchup stance. Look, we are, if I can borrow the parlance of our friends the Doughboys, granted, we are not in a hand-holding club. Oh, boy. However, we are ballpark buds. That's fair.

Okay. Okay? Yes. We're almost completely on the same page about this, but I have a quick question for you. Yeah. And, Danielle, I'd love to hear your thoughts about this. What is your number one Dippin' app?

Ooh, apps just for Dippin'? Well, just apps for Dippin'. I mean, they could be apps that you'll eat straight. I mean, I'd eat an onion ring or a cheese stick. I'd eat both of those straight. I don't need to dip them. No. But I do like to dip them. It's fun.

I think a fried green tomato. That's going to be... Wow. Wow. Left field. Yo, if it's on the menu, I'm ordering that fried green. Where do you get a fried green tomato? Very few places.

But if it's on the menu, I'm getting it. Blockbuster video. Yeah. I'm getting that fried green tomato. No, that's where you get a Beaches. Oh, God. Also great for dipping. Is there a... I don't like tomatoes, but I do like to try new apps.

Is there a place in town I could try a fried green tomato? Yeah, there's a new fried chicken, which is so dope. A new fried chicken place. I think they're still in their soft open out in. Is that one in Chinatown? I think it's Inglewood. There's a fried chicken place in Chinatown? There's that Memphis hot fried chicken place that's in Chinatown? I think it's Inglewood. There's a fried chicken place in Chinatown? There's that Memphis hot fried chicken place that's in Chinatown.

But this is Gus's. And the chicken is like, it's flavored all the way through and it's amazing. And the fried green tomatoes are awesome. And they don't taste, because it's a green tomato, it's like a tomatillo taste. It's a brighter, it's not very tomato. I'm going to try this tomato. It's pretty great. And it comes with aioli for dipping.

Pretty good. You know what? I've had fried pickles in a number of places. Oh, yeah. I love pickles. I love fried things. I'm only okay with fried pickles. Not a fan of the fried pickles.

I think they're a fun change of pace. Really? Yeah. I mean, I'm not, you know, listen, I'm not eating a fried pickle every night. But if somebody's like, let's get them, I'm like, yeah, bring them on. You're not talking about picks on picks on picks. No, no, no. I'm not going a fried pickle every night. But if somebody's like, let's get them, I'm like, yeah, bring them on. You're not talking about picks on picks on picks. No, no, no. I'm not going to eat picks on picks on picks.

But yeah, I think it's a fun change of pace app. Jordan, you- Also, a fried green bean is a fun change of pace app. That is a really fun one. Or like a tempura green bean. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You keep classing this joint up.

We're getting down and dirty BW3 style. And you keep classing it up foodie style. I'm sorry. Should I go? Yes, please. Thank you. I'm glad you're finally picking up what I was laying down. We've got one more long call. I do want to let's

okay. Fried green tomato. What is your top number one dip and app? I think the most consistent home run or at least ground rule double that you're going to have at a restaurant or sports bar. Yeah. Other than Wings, which are the world's best food, I think it's Onion Rings. I think you can really, even if you're in a subpar place, even if you're in a place that's a B or a C, onion rings are probably going to be pretty good. Okay.

It's really hard to decide. I love onion rings, but I feel like onion rings, it's like one of the biggest differences between, like if you, if there's just a big gap, and I'm not a French fry man. I'm fine with French fries, but I'm not a lover of French fries. And I definitely prefer onion rings. But there is such a big difference between a frozen onion ring and a cut and battered and fried onion ring. That's like even a bad cut and battered and fried onion ring and a good frozen onion ring. There's such a gap that I feel like almost always in a B or C place, you're getting a frozen onion ring and I's such a gap that I feel like almost always in a B or C place, you're getting a frozen onion ring and I'm going to be a little disappointed. Now,

here is my choice for the thing that I feel like it's idiot proof because even the grossest version of it is something that I definitely want to eat. And that's a mozzarella stick. That's a solid choice. I would eat a cold mozzarella stick that came from Costco and at one point was heated up in a toaster oven at a Little League baseball game's concession stand. That's how much I like a mozzarella stick. Here's the mozzarella sticks that I have had that have broke my heart. Uh-huh. Are the ones where-

First of all, Taylor Swift. Yeah, it's Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston. So it's weird for me to see them together. Yeah. Taylor Swift. Yeah, it's Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston. So it's weird for me to see them together. Yeah.

Is the one where they've done a shit job cooking it. Yeah. And it's the not melted cheese rattling around in that skin. I forgot about that. Rattling around like a ghost in an attic. I forgot about that. Yeah, it's like a ghost in an attic. I forgot about that. Yeah, it's like a kid in a too big sleeping bag. Yeah, exactly. Like I don't want.

Yes, yeah. It's like. Yeah, you're shaking that sleeping bag and they're straddling around in there. It's like a tiny dick in some Jankos. I feel like. I love mozzarella sticks. I think they're great. Yeah.

But those types of mozzarella sticks that I get always make – because I'm like, fuck, if they come out like that, I'm going to be so mad. I can understand that. So. I had not considered that, and I'm willing to move to the onion ring team because I do love onion rings. And even a frozen onion ring, the problematic, the downside. Yeah, I mean, one of those flippy floppy little jingle jangle.

Yeah. Yeah, it's a little sad. One of those little sleeping bag situations. Yeah, I can see that. Okay. Let's take the call. This is tough. I want to hear what people on the Reddit have to say. Okay. I'm reserving my judgment until I find out what Rich Tackler that. Okay. Let's take the call. This is tough. I want to hear what people on the Reddit have to say.

Okay. I'm reserving my judgment until I find out what Rich Tackler thinks. Okay. What's the best dipping app? Yeah. Okay. Hey, JJ Go. I want to try.

Oh, this is a moment of occasion. And I want to try to make it succinct, but I apologize if I did not because I just got off of a nine-hour flight from Paris, and yeah, I'm a little jet-lagged. Can you pause this real quick, Christian? Before we get into this story, you remember the guy that called maybe two weeks ago just after he had had a vasectomy?

Mm-hmm. He posted on the Reddit. I don't know if you saw this over there on the Reddit. I didn't. He posted on the Reddit he was listening to Jordan Jesse go, heard that Momentous Occasion call, had no idea that he had made it. That's funny.

Oh, man. Put the number in your phone. Do it. 206-984-4FUN. Okay, let's get back to Gay Pari. Yeah, I'm a little jet-lagged and moving up for, like, 24 hours. But, okay, my mental vacation was in the Paris airport on, like, a five-hour layover. And, like every airport, every single person there just seemed tired and stressed out

and trying to get children from, you know, driving everyone crazy and hurting themselves and whatever. And I was wandering around trying to find just a place where I could sit for four hours and ended up in some weird little corner of a terminal where the Paris airport had put an upright piano with a little sign that said, like, play your favorite Paris tune. It was in French, and my French isn't great, so it was something like that. But anyway, sitting over there, and these two guys come over, and one of them starts playing the piano, and he's actually very good, and then, before I know it, they're

kind of launching into weird American karaoke kind of songs, culminating in a rousing rendition of Fish and Farmhouse, which is a song I've not intentionally listened to since the late 90s in high school. And they were the kind of guys, in so many other circumstances, I would have judged as being, like, obnoxious, bro-y, dude types. And yet, somehow, at 10 in the morning in this airport, they were so sincere and, like, just seemed to be, like, they weren't smirking and the joke wasn't on all of us who were listening.

They really were, like, trying to entertain people. And we ended up with a nice little crowd of, like, people, like, legitimately from 20 different countries and every sort of, I don't know, class of humanity or whatever, and people were gathering around and singing songs, and it was bizarre, and especially in a moment when it sort of seems like mankind's ability to be racist and xenophobic and horrible, I don't know, is more apparent than ever. It felt like a genuinely momentous occasion.

And suddenly I found myself in the happy corner of the Paris airport. So, yeah, wanted to share that. Thank you guys for an awesome show. Bye. Can you rewind that real quick, Christian? Because I missed the part where she talked about who she fucked. Yeah, it seems like she left it out or maybe the audio cut out. Maybe it was that second when the audio cut out that she said who was fucking.

Oh, I think it was the entire band Fish. Oh, okay. In Paris. In Paris. She got fucked by Fish in Paris. Like they ran a fish train? Yeah, but it was crazy. It was just all noodling.

It was just all like. Oh, that's fun. I don't... I didn't even know fish had songs. Yeah, they did. You know, and I think a fish song. I could be wrong. I'm not...

Listen, you're not talking to fish guy over here. I read an entire book about fish. I read our friend Nathan Rabin's book. I've also read that book. It's a great book. I read this entire book. I don I read our friend Nathan Rabin's book. I've also read that book. It's a great book. I read this entire book. I don't remember any mention of them.

I remember a lot of talk about the Stevie Wonder song Boogie on Reggae Woman. Sure. But I don't remember them even having their own songs. No, it's this song that you mentioned,

Farmhouse. I think it's the closest thing that fish has had to a hit. Uh-huh. Maybe it was on the radio or something in the 90s in the, you know, Blind Melon era of music.

Fish existed then? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I think so. All this could be wrong. Like a 1994? And I know we say this a lot. Oh, God, I don't want you to correct me. Oh, please, I don't want to hear about this.

I'm just, here's what I know about Fish. If it's wrong, don't tell me. I think that song Farmhouse, closest thing they've had to a hit, it has been on a lot of mixtapes that people have made for me. Mixed CDs later in life.

And it is a really great one of those songs. And I will listen to it sometimes and I'm like, oh, maybe I like fish. And then I'm like, nah, I think I'll just enjoy this song and not examine fish any closer. It's like a Blind Melon Gin Blossoms type tune? Yeah. It's like, hey, this is a farmhouse and other stuff too.

I don't recognize it. Are people just making you mixtapes that are based off of Ben and Jerry's flavors? Yes, exactly. And then, yeah, and then just a Monty Python skit. There has to be a Reddit for that. Can I ask you a quick question? Is it possible that you're confusing a Phish song called Farmhouse with Semisonic's Closing Time? Closing Time by Semisonic.

Yeah. This is a farmhouse. No, you can't sleep here. Yeah. Yeah. It's probably the same song. Well, problem solved. Yeah. Canada, this is a farmhouse. No, you can't sleep here. Yeah. Yeah, it's probably the same song. Well, problem solved. Yeah. 2069844, fun if you're in the band Fish,

or if something momentous has happened to you. We would have a guy from the band Fish on, Jordan. Hey, Trey Anastasio, get in here. I think he's the problematic front man, isn't he? Don't know. I think he's the bass player. I think he's the problematic front man, isn't he? Don't know. I think he's the bass player. I think he's a guitarist. Because he played bass on the Tenacious D album.

Really? Yeah. I think it was him. I think Warren from the Vandals played the guitar. Uh-huh. And then old Foo Fighters played the drums. If I remember the Tenacious D album lineup. You mean old Nirvana. Thank you very much. I like the Tenacious D album lineup. You mean old Nirvana.

Thank you very much. I like the old stuff. I like a little band called Nirvana. Sure. Thank you very much. Have you heard of it? Maybe you guys are big Foo Fighter men, but I've got a little something called taste, Jordan, and I like the music of Nirvana. So she discovered sincerity.

Is that what happened? Yeah, or feelings. She discovered feelings? I think she discovered that you have more feelings when you're tired. Yeah, when you haven't slept for 24 hours and suddenly everything is beautiful and means a whole lot. That, by the way, was a that by the way was a great call it was a great call all i've done is shit on this i want to be clear that she did a fantastic job good call and in my mind painted a picture like you know she did such a great job of driving home what i see is the lesson of that

you know what i mean it's feel like what I took home from that call, which is at the end of the day, no matter what country we're from, no matter where we've been or where we're going, we're really just cavemen sitting around a fire cavemen. Sure. Sitting around a fire, sharing stories. Yeah, yeah. And sometimes that story is just the story of fish. Yeah.

The classic, the classic theme. The story is all the time itself. Yeah. The classic themes. You have man versus machine. Man versus nature. Guitarist versus unusual time signatures.

Musicians versus audience patients. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morse, boy detective. Danielle Radford, comedian, podcaster, and fangs. Danielle Radford, host of the new smash hit Max Fun Podcast, Tights and Fights. Yeah.

I think, what are we looking at? Let's see. This comes out next week, and next week's when Tights and Fights is premiering, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is premiere week for Tights and Fights. If you want to get with Hal Lublin, If you want to get with Daniel Radford. If you want to get with hip-hop superstar Open Mike Eagle. Sounds like this is the podcast for you.

Working hip-hop artist, Open Mike Eagle. Working hip-hop artist. Making money. Yeah. Loving father. Professional hip-hop artist, Open Mike Eagle. You want to hear them talking about what happened on Raw? What happened on

SummerSlam? Did you know any of these names before we started doing this podcast? What happened on Dwayne the Rock Johnson? Yeah, what? Jake the Snake Roberts.

Gorgeous George. Well, time. Time is what happened on Jake the Snake Roberts. Gorgeous George. Well time. Time is what happened on Jake the Snake Roberts. It happened all over. I'm hit it with a folding chair. You want to hear them talk about core

professional wrestling concepts such as folk distrusivity warrior spirit warrior nation. All that stuff. All that stuff. All that stuff.

Seems like this is the podcast for you. Tights and fights. Tights and fights. That's it, fights. That's it. Tights. Tights and fights. Tights.

Danielle, it's been a joy. Oh, thank you. And thank you so much for having me. I had a really good time. Jordan, Jesse, go. About to be up at MaxFunCon, EastMaxFunCon.com, up at the Now Hear This Festival. What's that? Early bird pricing's about to close?

Yeah, I think the day this comes out, so if you're a loyal Jordan Jessico listener who jumps all over that podcast, as soon as it drops, I think you can still go over there to the Now Hear This Festival website and get some early bird ticks, but I think if you're hearing this later than Monday, you're probably SOL.

But you should get tickets anyways because it's going to be a blast. It's going to be probably the most fun that Anaheim's ever seen. Outside of when the Anaheim Muddy Ducks won the Stanley Cup championship. Oh, man, that was a blast. Oh, God, that was fun. I flipped over so many cars. I pissed right through the broken window of that glow-in-the-dark stuff store. Boom.

That'll show them. Just some fun boys having fun, huh? Fun boys. It caused a fire. I don't know the chemistry of that. Yeah. But something about glow-in-the-dark plus urine equals flame. Yeah, makes sense.

Specifically a wall of flame. Christian Duenas on the boards this week. You, of course, know him as Christian Duenas Gersh of the Gersh Agency. Duenas hyphen Gersh. Christian Duenas Gersh. God, that's a fucking NPR name. Christian Duenas Gersh. Christian Duenas Gersh.

I'm going to throw in. Cherry Glazer. Before we go, I'm going to throw in one more plug. Max Fund's longtime friend, one of the coolest, funniest ladies I've ever known, is Elizabeth Gilbert. Lizzie G, as she's known. She's a regular on My Brother, My Brother and Me. She's been on Bullseye several times. She's been close friends with Judge John Hodgman for decades and has been a guest bailiff filled in for me on Judge John Hodgman. We have been making the second season of her amazing podcast, Magic Lessons, which is about being a creative person, basically.

She and celebrity guests, including people like Sarah Jones and Neil Gaiman and Cheryl Strayed and all these really cool people, help people through their creative problems. These are stories of transformation. It's a beautiful, hilarious, sweary show that could only come from a bestselling author portrayed by Julia Roberts in a hit film. No, but for real, I feel like a lot of people don't know about how cool Elizabeth Gilbert is. Get with that magic lessons, because that shit is what's up. It's already top 10 on iTunes.

Top 10 on iTunes right now. Grab it. Get some. Maximum Fun's other newest podcast. You've got two podcast homework assignments right now, and they will feel like homework. Yeah. Unpleasant.

It's a real, it's a real bummer. But, if you get an A, Dad's going to take you to a pizza party. And then, he's going to get you

a T and 1 handjob. Boom. Thanks, Daddy. I'm a big boy now. I'm a big boy. 206-984-4FUN. JJ, at MaximumFun.org, hashtag it JJGO on Twitter tweeters. If you're on the Facebook, join that Maximum Fun Facebook group. A lot of fun going on there.

If you're on Reddit, of course, the subreddits are MaximumFun.reddit.com and GoneWildAudio.reddit.com. Will someone please post this week's Jordan, Jesse Cohen. Oh, please. And someone try a jack off to it. See what you can do. I should say when we say jack off,

we also mean lady jack offs as well. Absolutely. This is gender neutral, just like summer boy and big boy. You got it. Uh, that's it. Brian,

Sonny D. Fernandez looking out for us across the pond in jolly old England working on television. He'll be back eventually. Christian hates this. I mean, Christian's just doing this for the money. Let's be honest. That's the reality of dealing with Chrissy Chris Gersh. Sure.

And then picking up hot new stars like people who like to talk too much about Eva Marie. Yeah. Yeah. Eva Marie Saint, the legendary Hitch Eva Marie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Eva Marie Saint, the legendary Hitchcock star. Yeah. She is a wrestler. I don't know.

A lot of you probably vary behind. She seems old for it, frankly. Well, you know, she doesn't do much, but what she does is amazing. Her hips are a concern. Sure. Just her osteoporosis is a big question mark. You know, but she's still hitting them suplexes. So that's all that really matters.

Gotta hit those suplexes. Hit that plex. Get them wigs. Hit that plex. Hit that plex. We'll be back next week on Jordan, Jessica. We'll be back next week on Jordan, Jessica.