Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 443: Horse Dick on a Pony with Dave Shumka

Episode Date: August 29, 2016

Dave Shumka joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Steve Urkel's catchphrases, Jordan's experience getting insulted by a hotel worker, and Ivanka Trump's ex-boyfriend – socialite Bingo Gubleman. Plus, Dave explains the 90's Dork-folk Revolution in Canada and the guys decide which Maroon 5 member they like most.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. How are you, friend? Doing good. You look sporty. I guess I've been playing sports. I came right from rugby.

Really? Yes. You've taken up rugby? Yeah. Uh, sevens, nines, or elevens? I don't remember what the different kinds of rugby are called. It's only sevens and elevens. Shut up!

No one knows who you are yet. They're going to be upset to hear a voice that they've never heard before. Because everyone downloads podcasts blind. And you interrupted. Jesse's going to ask, okay, this was going to be fucking hilarious. Here's what you interrupted. Jesse, ask me again about the rugby numbers. Hey, Jordan.

Yes. And I want to be, hold on a second, Jordan. Sure. Keep your fucking mouth shut, Dave. This is. I said shut the fuck up, Dave. Jimmy Pardo's nicer. Jordan. Yes. What kind of rugby?

7s, 9s, 11s? Only 69s, dude. See? Up top, my brother. Ba-boom. That's what Jimmy Pardo says. That's what Jimmy Pardo says when someone says that number. Which is a sexual number. Oh, yeah. Do you guys like that for sex?

69? 69? Has anyone successfully 69'd before? Or defined success? Wait, guys. Yes and yes. 69 is great.

I don't really know how the different, how it works. I think it's a height. I think you have to have... Yeah, no, you have to be of comparable height to the partner. Like when I was dating George Morazon, it was

horrible. It was so inconvenient. Yeah, I guess it's really a matter of matching torsos. Sure, yeah. And, yeah, your genitals have to line up. No, your genitals line up for the other thing. But I mean,itals line up for the other thing. But, I mean, it's important for... For standard.

It's more important that the genitals line up for 69. With the mouth. I think it just... Oh, the mouth. Got it. Because otherwise it's going right in your trachea. Luckily, I've been a smoker my whole life, but I have one of those awful holes. Yeah.

Let's 69. You just show up at the- Happy birthday, honey. You can stick it in my smoke hole. Oh, boy. This is vulgarer than usual. Oh, I was going to say that you show up at the emergency room, and you're like, oh, and they're like, what happened?

And you're like, pussy in the trachea. I caught a pussy in my trachea. These are all problems. That's a Drake lyric. Our guest, by the way. Just by the way. By the way. Consult your doctor before 69.

Yeah, please. Make sure you've got the proper health. And ask him if that purple pill is right for you. Which one is that? I don't know. They won't tell you. Yeah. Could be anything.

Who knows? Uppers, downers, left, right. Maybe just a nice gummy. Do you have thrills here? Those gum that tastes like soap? Oh. Is that a Canadian thing? No.

You know what? Did someone mail you something? I'm aware of this gum. Can we say who our guest thing? No. You know what? Did someone mail you something? I'm aware of this gun. Can we say who our guest is? Never. Our guest is our good friend, our brother from another podcast mother, the host of Stop Podcasting Yourself, Canada's multi-time best winning podcast. That's what it says right on the t-shirt.

We don't sell a lot. Mr. David Shumka. Hi there. Welcome. Hi, Dave. Welcome me. Welcome to Los Angeles. Thank you.

I've had some of this gum. Uh-huh. So back when you guys were doing the Eat Stuff show. Brian and Lindsay will totally eat that i ran into some nice fans who gave me some canadian soap gum and said they said give this to jesse for the eat that show and i forgot but i didn't i chewed it on myself because i got kind of into the soap gum this is my official apology for not you know delivering the soap gum. This is my official apology for not delivering the soap gum. I think you guys were probably not producing.

You guys made those all in a big batch. Yeah, we made them in one weekend. So, I mean, I probably... One crazy weekend. One stomach churning weekend. Turning or churning? But I had one of those soap gums. I was like, ugh, this is the worst.

Give me another one. And I just kept on chewing them. Yeah, we use them as punishment. If you swear. Oh, okay. If you say a swear. What about Stimeral gum? That's from, like, Europe?

Yeah, northern Europe. Scandinavia, maybe. I love that. Yeah. That's the same thing. Every time I put one in my mouth, and it's been a while, I think, this is awful. I'll have another, thank you. And then all of a sudden, all I want in there is that weird Stimorol.

It's like mentholated or something. I don't even know what's going on. Well, they've got different flavors. It's a gum company. What I like from up there is- I'm talking about the classic flavor. I like Lekarol. Lekarol?

Which is a pastille. Oh, really? Is it digestive? I don't know. It's a gummy. They have a blackcurrant flavor that's out of this world. A blackcurrant pastille is fantastic. You won't find me saying an ill word about a blackcurrant pastille. I say currant. Oh, really? I don't get a lot of opportunities to say it, but I'm saying it here. I say pastille, I don't get a lot of opportunities to say it, but I'm saying it here. I say past still.

Excepting in that previous conversation where, for clarity, I echoed your pronunciation. My past still. Because I don't know. I listen to the band Bastille 24-7. Hey, hey, home, hey, love. Hey, hey, home, hey. That was really storming the Bastille over there. That was some good Bastille-ing. I once tweeted an anti-Bastille tweet

About the band And they've got defensive fans Not because you were sans-culottes Now Dave, take us Who perpetrated the French Revolution The sans-culottes and they stormed the Bastille Oh, I don't know. I know someone storming the Bastille I think that was from July 14

Walk us through this. What was the tweet? What was the tweeting question? I don't remember. It was... I couldn't tell you. What's their song? It was just... That one you sang. Yeah, I don't know

what it's called. Hey-oh, hey-oh. Hey, ba-dum-ba-da. Hey. Yep. And when you close your eyes, do-ga-do-do-do-do. That one.

I'm pretty sure that's Jumbo Womb. I think it might have been a pun based on the name of that song, so I cannot remember. But, and people were late. Like, do you ever get a tweet that's, people are mad about a tweet three months later? Right, because they're just searching the name of something in order to be mad. I'm going to find a person who's making fun of this thing.

Yeah. Yeah. I had a little bit of that when I decided to make a Lana Del Rey tweet. Oh. Lo, lo, lo those many years ago when Lana Del Rey was a thing that people talked and tweeted about. Yeah. You mean that one time when she was on Saturday Night Live? Yeah, that one time.

She spun around slowly and we gift it. Yeah. You mean that one time when she was on Saturday Night Live? Yeah, that one time. She spun around slowly and we gift it? Yeah. I think I said something about her music being the perfect music for my lifestyle, which was

ambling around on ludes. Or something. But that's a compliment. About right, yeah. I think that's actually, I'm worried about plagiarism because I think that's

a quote from the Pitchfork review, which gave it an 8.7. Perfect for lwd ambling. Do you, what happened to lewds? That's called lewd wave. Lewd core. Because lewd gays.

Because quaal lewds, they don't do them anymore. I say quaal lewds, but go ahead. I say koala lewds. Because they make you as slow as a tree bear. The old tree bear. People don't do lewds no more. Have you heard of lewds? I haven't heard.

You know what? I'll be honest. I only know lewds as a punchline. I guess I don't really know what they do. I know it's short for quaaludes. I know it maybe makes you a little bit sleepy. Yeah. Like some sort of a... It's a downer

from the 70s. Yeah. And 80s. It was in Wolf of Wall Street, I think. Was it? Yeah. They do lewds? They allude to them. Now, is this the thing they did out of a butt? That might have been a poop. Oh, okay. I'm confusing lewds and poop. Jordan. Yes.

Tell me this. Dave, maybe you have some experience in this matter. Fine. What is good about a downer? I'm trying to think. Oh, I mean, like, pot's a downer. Alcohol's a downer. Alcohol's a downer.

But like a real downer. I don't know if I've done a- Like a tranquilizer. Oh, okay. Yeah, I am an expert on this. But like a real downer. I don't know if I've done a – Like a tranquilizer. Oh, okay. Yeah, I am an expert on this. Yeah. Tranks. Yeah.

One time I got out of my cage. You used to be a jittery racehorse. I bet it's just like – is it just fighting sleep that makes things crazy? Yeah, I think it's to like chill you out. To like chill, you know? Yeah, some people in this hustle bustle world have trouble chilling. Yeah, sure. I guess I'm 100% chill, so it's not a concern for me.

You're like those cool guys from the youth groups who have a natural high. I would never want it. You wouldn't want to see me when I drank. I'm like that surfing gecko from the Hawaii t-shirts. Sure. Oh, right. That's how chill I am. How many does he hang?

I can't recall. Something between 9 and 11. Never forget. The surfing gecko. Those are my favorite rugby numbers as well. Sure. When you were in school in Canada, David,

was a Hawaiian surfing gecko themed t-shirt the primary way to express yourself for a solid 18 to 24 months? In elementary school? Yeah. I'm going to say like

1987. Around that time, I remember my parents got a duck. Wait, no. I'm changing it from Porta by Arnaud. 1990 t-shirt. Yeah, okay. Now, is this that mean duck who's the boss? Who wants you to know that he's the boss?

Is there a duck who's the boss? Do you remember this shirt, Jesse? I think of Judah the Light. A duck is the boss. Is there a duck who's the boss? Do you remember this shirt, Jesse? A duck is the boss. This is a shirt that I remember from that era. Who's he bossing around? Whoever's looking at the shirt. Right.

This is a shirt you would get at a swap meet, maybe in a bin of shirts. Right, it says Air Bart. Yes, this is the exact kind of shirt you would get from a stall that also sold bootleg Simpsons merchandise. Right. This was a mean duck, a cranky looking duck. With his corkscrew penis just whipped up. Yeah.

No penis, no discernible sex characteristics on the duck. I'm assuming it's a man, but maybe that's because I have baggage that I need to unpack. That's true. Mean looking duck. I suspected male. Could be female. Maybe he doesn't identify as either of the genders. I need to unpack. That's true. Mean looking duck. I suspected male. Could be female. Maybe he doesn't identify as either of the genders. I don't know. He's very brave, though.

I think we can all agree the duck is very brave. No doubt about that. Duck will fuck you up. And he's marching at the camera. He's got one foot up. And he's got his arms a-marching. And he's marching at the camera. He's got one foot up. Yeah. And he's got his arms a-marching, and he's got one of those flipped-up caps that, like, a bike man would wear.

Sure. Sometimes it says suicidal tendencies on the brain. Yeah, in one specific cap. And this duck, the text under this duck says, I'm the boss. Yeah. Do you guys know this shirt? I know that shirt. Dave, do you know this shirt? I don't know this shirt. I'm the boss. I. Do you guys know this shirt? I know that shirt. Dave, do you know this shirt?

I don't know this shirt. I'm the boss. I remember it now. I totally remember it 100%. Yeah, Christian, maybe we can see some Duck boss shirts at a certain point. Yeah, I think that's really good. What was your, growing up, what was your most common schoolyard kind of graphic tee? No Fear?

No Fear was- You seem like. No Fear? No Fear was... You seem like a No Fear guy. My personal one? Mm-hmm. Oh, no. I would have had... Yeah, now we're talking. Oh, I do not know that duck.

Yeah. He showed us the duck, and it was exactly as Jordan described. Jordan did not miss a trick. Mine would have been more, like, pop culture-y. I definitely had an Urkel shirt that had all of his catchphrases on it. What? Wait.

Let me see if I can name all the Urkel catchphrases. It's a little shirt. Did I do that? Yep. Got any cheese? Yeah. Lore. There might have been like a-

Wait. I love Lore. I was going to say, got any cheese? Yeah. Or does anybody have any cheese? It's a- I don't know why it was funny. He wanted someone to give him cheese.

He was a neglected neighbor. He was like a lonely foster child. Well, his parents were junkies. No, his parents were doctors, Jesse. Doctor and Mrs. Urkel. Oh, and they were so career driven. Yeah, they had to send him over to the Winslows to search for cheese. Have you, Jesse, as a parent, had random neighbor kids come over?

No. No. Is that something going on in Vancouver right now? No, we had a little vacation, my family, the 18 of us. My parents, all my brothers and sisters, and all their kids. Wait, literally 18? Yeah. We went into it.

In what? An entire Holiday Inn? A nice house that slept eight. That's not enough. Nope. That's 10 too few, even I can tell you that. But there were couches. And next door there was a neighbor neighbor and his two kids came over

to play with the ten children that we had. Where was this? This was in the interior of British Columbia on Lake Okanagan. Oh, that's Okanagan culture for you. Yeah. Everybody's in and out of each other's house.

And we were just taken and then the dad just left and suddenly we had two more kids to take care of. Kids who were, you know, three and five years old just jumping in the lake. Wait. With no. The dad left two children under five behind?

Yes. Did he leave to score? I'm not sure what was on drugs. Jordan, he is a doctor. I'm sorry. He left to score a 10 to his career. Yeah. But then it just became these two kids who were suddenly our responsibility.

Huh. That's alarming. Were you worried he would not come back? That this was an out-for-cigarettes situation? Well, it was literally next-door neighbors, so we did just send the kids back at a certain point. We never saw the dad again, but the kids were— You just made them go back home. Yeah.

You didn't walk them over there? No, I— The three-year-old? You can't play with these kids. That's my job. Yeah. So, okay. Did I do that?

Okay. Got any cheese or where's the cheese? We're a pretty focused show, Dave. Yeah. It's not like stop podcasting yourself. Oh, sure. We're all over everywhere. We have topics and we stick to them.

Laura. Yeah. What else? yourself we're all over everywhere we have topics and we stick to them laura yeah what else well you would hook his thumbs in his uh suspenders check out my spendies what are the other catchphrase whatever happened to predictability so he would start the theme song and then catch himself. That was one of his catchphrases. It's a rare condition this day and age. This day and sure, yeah. No, I don't remember anymore. Those were the big ones. Did Full House...

There must have been at least six on the shirt. Wow. Did you like the show Urkel? See, I... It was called Family Matters. It wasn't Steve Urkel's show of shows. I liked everything for the first 15 years of my life. Now I don't like anything.

I think the first thing I remember not liking was that Godzilla remake. Okay. I think that's the first thing. That was 1998, George. Yeah, I think I was 17. And I'm like, nah. This is the first bad movie. Yeah, yeah, Jordan. Yeah, I think I was 17. And I'm like, nah. This is the first bad movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They've never made a bad movie, but it had the best Puff Daddy song. It did have a pretty good Puff Daddy song. I liked everything, and follow me on this, until, do you remember the Ghostbusters remake where it's all women? Sure. I didn't like that. Up until then, though. Yeah. Everything has been good.

But then I remember that then making everything from my childhood not good anymore. Oh, yeah. Sure, sure. I suddenly don't like anything ever. Yeah. But I remember- I'm profoundly anhedonic. Yeah, me too.

You can't feel pleasure. That's what my shirt says. Yeah. That's one of Urkel's catchphrases, right? I'm anhedonic. I'd like to see anhedonic Urkel, just an Urkel who cannot experience happiness. Sure. No matter how much cheese he has.

Perhaps he's a recovering heroin addict. Oh, yeah. But there are adults, I think you are among them, who still love Pee Wee Herman. Oh, yeah. No, I totally love Pee Wee Herman. I loved Pee Wee Herman for six months, and I hold him in as high esteem as Urkel and Alf and Bionic Six. They're just all even? Yeah.

I don't... Because the thing is, I watched every fucking awful thing. Yeah. I mean, because there was only five channels, and I didn't have cable, and I didn't watch any of them except for the high number channels. Those called UHF channels. Oh, okay. I only watched channel 44 and channel 20. So my choices were very limited.

So my choices were very limited. So I watched a shit ton of Out of This World, and I watched a fucking garbage pile of what's the one where it's all the teenage girls and they have the, like, mother figure and they all live in a house together? Facts of Life. Facts of Life. I was so into Facts of Life. And they live in a sewer and they love pizza. Yeah, Facts of Life. Stop describing the Facts of life, Dave.

We've already figured it out. My point here is, but I don't remember really liking them. Like, I definitely never liked Full House. Like, I watched a ton of Full House. I was not above Full House. Well, you just had that Bay Area pride. Any show that takes place here. Yeah, any show with one shot

in the credits of the bay area no the credits were all the bay area it's just the establishing shot of that that one house they lived in yeah the credits were all everyone's trolleying this and were they yeah rice erronean yeah they're all mrs doubt firing this andiring this. Why was that not exciting to me, but like Sister Act or whatever it was? I don't know. This is something we're going to have to unpack. Was Sister Act a San Francisco movie? Yeah.

I don't know if it was set in San Francisco, though. But they definitely made it in San Francisco. Oh, right. That was thrilling. The big thing that thrilled me when they made it in Vancouver was the TV show The Commish. Did you get to meet Commish? Oh, no, I didn't. Oh, man, when you were nine years old and you finally got to meet all your heroes from In the Heat of the Night.

Sure. From Cobra, Sylvester Stallone movie. But I don't remember enjoying any of those. The only thing that I remember liking, like liking, like looking forward to is Pee Wee, the Animaniacs, and Batman, the cartoon show. Sure. I loved Batman, the cartoon show. I loved Animaniacs.

I think if i watched those now i would think they were watchable if they made an animaniacs movie would you go out and see it absolutely not no but a peewee movie if i was nine or had if i had a 10 year old but you can still love peewee as an adult well peewee is a real thing yeah no i no, I agree, but I just, I didn't bring it with me. Like, I moved on to the next thing. No, I loved Pee-wee. I mean, I watched Pee-wee's Big Adventure daily. Not daily.

I still had to rent it, Dave. This was the era. Oh, you watched it. Oh, I thought you were going to say, I still watch it. No, no, no, I probably watched it before I was 16, 15 or 16, I probably watched it before I was 16, 15 or 16. I probably watched it 40 times, 30 times. I think with the exception of, you know, like I have a beard and a weird job reality shows.

The average thing now is a lot better than the average thing when we were kids. Dramatically better. Yeah. Yeah. I think unquestionably. Yeah, I think, you know, you can maybe make a case that I'm, you know, I'm a redneck and I'm building a demolition derby car powered by my farts, and this is 24 episodes. Yeah.

Maybe that is- Did you just make that up? It's kind of a pitch. I was seeing how you guys responded in the room, because I'm going out to some- It's good. It's good. I'm going out to some production companies with it. I've got some talent.

Well, I don't know if production companies, but certainly the energy industry. Oh, yeah. No, I think what we're going to do is we're going to make this kind of a TV on a show on HGTV and then present that to the government. Oh, sure. So who are you pitching this to, Biden? I'd pitch it to Biden. Listen, we're two steps. First, I got to make America fall in love.

First of all, you have to assassinate the president. Second of all, Biden has to become the president. Oh, boy. Then you can pitch it to Biden. First things first. Right. We're not even at the pilot stage. We're not proposing that, Secret Service, if you're listening.

We don't think that's funny. We aren't. No. No. I'm just proposing. Two of us didn't say it. I'm proposing a hilarious and delightful docu-series. Yeah.

A fartumentary. A fartumentary, if you will, about a delightful man from the deep south. Okay. Does this man exist or do you still need to find him? I've secured him. Okay. Does this man exist or you still need to find him? I've secured him. Okay. Where is he? He's chilling at my place.

He's tranked. Yeah, tranked at my place. And we're just going to follow him and his colorful family. Do you think people are too glib about Harambe? You know, listen, I think we all had a lot of fun with Harambe. Yeah. A, it's done. B, some guys have started to use it for racism.

Oh, so I think we all had a lot of fun with Harambe in the wake of Cecil, which I think we can all maybe agree was a little embarrassing. Yeah. It was fun to go the other way and be real shitty about a dead animal. Yeah. But. A dead animal that's nearly a human being. Yeah, that has human-like qualities. Many human-like qualities.

But I think, you know, as it stands, the state of Harambe now. Jordan, is this one of your classics, state of Harambe and trade? Yes. A. Yeah. The joke has been made. Stop. Right.

Is this a telegram? Yeah, stop. To my lovely wife, stop. I miss you in Chattanooga. We ship out at wife. Stop. I miss you in Chattanooga. We ship out at dawn. Stop. Think of me fondly when you look at the North Star.

Also, dicks out for Harambe. Listen, I'm doing it. Look at me. I'm down it. Yeah. So, it's fucked out joke-wise. Uh-huh.

And it's racism. And also, now it is being used for racism. So, let's stop. Okay. Yeah. Let's all make a pact. Yeah.

Let's all slice our palms. We all mimed it. Let's shake hands in the middle to not do that particular meme anymore. Is this basically the same kind of stuff you talked about with Jimmy Pardo? Dave did the Jimmy Pardo show before coming here. Yeah, my friend Jimmy Pardo and Matt Belknap, hosts of Never Not Funny. He's on a podcast. You're on a podcast tour.

The great Garren Cockrell. Yeah. Sighing into the microphone. No, we talked about whatever. It was fun. It was so fun. But who can remember? I have no idea what happened on any episode of that I've ever been on.

Yeah, exactly. Or any episode of this you've ever been on. That, exactly. Or any episode of this you've ever been on. That's a good point. Hard to say. Point taken. Do people say something to you about something that happened on Stop Podcasting Yourself and you have no idea what they're talking about? I am, as far as I can tell, the most hands-on podcast editor in this type of podcasting. Look, I'm no Jad Abumrod, but I'm, nobody goes through

a podcast and takes out lip smacks like I do. So I sit and experience a podcast, then I listen to the whole thing,

and I still don't remember anything anyone tells me about it. You're just listening for smacks. Yeah. You're not listening for smacks,

gurgles, levels. You're not listening for comedy or potential catchphrases. No, we should get some catchphrases, though. You should get a catchphrase editor. That's what we have. Oh, okay.

His name's Frank. He listens to every show. We give him 20 bucks. He listens to every show. He's like basically, he's sort of a super intern. We just call him a super intern? Yeah. He went to Columbia.

He graduated from Columbia. He's been trying to get a media gig. He hasn't got one yet. So we said, we'll give you 20 bucks. You listen to this show. And you listen for potential catchphrases. It's actually Frank who came up with Garaba. We actually retconned that into the show.

How does it work? Well, basically, after we finished the show. So he listened for it, and then you put it back in. Dave, it's pretty straightforward. This young man went to Columbia University. It's an Ivy League school in New York. Yeah, yeah. You guys, I'm just trying to explain it to you, because I'm not sure if you have colleges in Canada.

We've got all the same Ivy League schools you have. Really? You have Harvard North. We've got Harvard North. Stanford North. Stanford's not Ivy League. It's not an Harvard North. Harvard North. Stanford North. Stanford's not Ivy League. That's not an Ivy League. Oh, sorry. Don't fucking Ivy League-splain to me.

Like I could have even thought about going there. What do you think we're talking about here? Amherst? Yeah. No, that's not in the Ivy League. That's a little Ivy. You motherfuckers. At best, Amherst is a little. It's Ivy adjacent. It's Harvard, Barbizon, ITT Tech. So here's how it works, Dave.

Hold up still. Now this young man went to Columbia University. We have OCD, Dave. If I don't name three fake Urkel catchphrases, I can't go to sleep tonight. Yeah. If I don't finish out this list of things Frank does, it will literally break my brother's back. Okay. So we give him the $20.

He listens to the show. He identifies potential instances of catchphrases. Then we go back. We fill in more stuff about the catchphrases. Then he makes memes. Uh-huh. As I like to say, lather, rinse, repeat.

Okay. You got a pop culture locomotion going down the track. Everybody's doing a brand new dance now, baby. Come on, catchphrase. I hope to be a part of one of these catchphrases. Do you then bring the guests back? Do I get to be?

No, we get. You know how Michael Jackson wouldn't sing the Lisa, it's your birthday song contractually? You'll get a Dave sound alike. So we'll get a Dave sound alike. They're a dime a dozen. You know what I usually do? I hit the campus of Penn University.

Oh, was that one of the Ivy League? Yeah, it's an Ivy League university in Pennsylvania. Oh, okay. And, you know, I'll ask around and I'll see, you know.

And usually, if you go to the broadcasting or theater departments, there'll be a few Dave sound alikes. It's easier, frankly. This isn't, man, as an insult, but it's easier to find Graham sound-alikes. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. That was good. Oh, yeah, dude. Listen to my beard. Gnarly. It's a classic catchphrase. Who's the bigger lip smacker? Oh, Graham.

Okay. Well, you know what? It's the word um. It's always um. I was blah, blah, blah, blah. You take ums out of subpodcasts? No, no. We take the lip smacks after the ums.

Oh. Wait. Oh, you think you guys are OCD about our podcast? You fix things on your show? Yeah. No wonder it's better than ours. We should fix things on our show. How much No wonder it's better than ours. We should fix things on our show. How much do you think we should pay Brian to fix things?

Nothing. He should be doing it anyways. Yeah, that's a good point. We already pay him a lot of money. Yeah. And he's got a good job. He's got a good union show business gig. And a nice union metalworking job, too.

He is. Yeah. Smelting in his off time. Lovesworking job too. Yeah. Smelting in this off time. Loves to smelt. Yeah. Creating alloys. Guys, can I tell you about an instance recently where I was insulted,

and I don't know if I should have been? Okay. Yeah, I'd love to hear about that. Jordan, you have the floor. Thank you. No, so I was just tricking you into talking more about Harambe. Jordan, here's the conch. Thank you.

So I was going to a wedding last weekend. It was in Pasadena, which is maybe like 40 minutes, an hour. Oh, I've heard of it. Yeah. And you know how far away it is. Dave's got a friend there. She's a little old lady oh i hear there's nobody mina um she uh died in hurricane katrina

so i i mentioned the distance because you know i was kind of torn whether to, like, do the wedding and then come back post-wedding. Because, you know, got an open bar. So is it more, I was thinking, is it a better use of my bucks to, you know, do, like, an expensive Uber or cab or just to get a hotel room for the night? The wedding was at a hotel. So I'm like, I'll give him a call. Called him, said, I'm here for the wedding. Do you guys have a special rate? They said, no, I'm sorry.

We're all booked up. Of course, there's the wedding. But also there's a Coldplay concert in town. play concert in town. So, A, what is the hotel room after party like after the Coldplay concert? Uh-huh. Think, you know. Have you been insulted yet in this story?

No, I have not been insulted yet. Okay, okay. I was just like, he's real sensitive. This is all good information. Can I just give a real quick conjecture? Please. Ludes. Yeah? I think. Coldplay is L a real quick conjecture? Please. Ludes. Yeah. I think... Coldplay is Ludes music,

isn't it? If any music has ever been Ludes music. I think that is too... I don't think a Coldplay fan would know where to get Ludes. Yeah. I think what you're doing is you're shaking up... I don't think Coldplay has fans. Well, I mean, apparently they bought up an entire hotel. Yeah, but they're not... Oh, you think... So you're making the point that it is the most generic music and therefore people tolerate it.

I think that if you're going to the Coldplay concert, it's because your company's insurance salesman gave you a pair of tickets. These are all corporate blocks of tickets that people are buying. Yeah, yeah. That's exactly what I think. I think what they're doing is I think you- And two on the guest list for Apple. Yeah, I think you're shaking up a bottle of Whole Foods Chardonnay and you're stabbing it with your Prius key and then you're shotgunning it.

Yeah, it's not so much a party after the show as brunch. Oh, night brunch. Or the next day's brunch. Oh, can't wait for this show to be over. I'm soaked. So I can get to bed and then wake up for brunch. Do you think maybe they get the hotel rooms less so they can party and more so they've got a place to line up for brunch?

Oh, yeah. So they can camp out? Well, just to kind of enjoy, like, it's going to be brunch. They're really hanging out in line. It's fun. There's this thing in Vancouver called Diner en Blanche. I'm sorry. What's it called, David?

It's called Diner en Blanche. Can you translate that to English? White dinner. Sounds like a nice day for a white dinner. It's called Diner en Blanc. Can you translate that to English? White dinner. Sounds like a nice day for a white dinner. And it is a... You know, I've been going to this thing, a similar thing here in Los Angeles called White's Only Dinner. Sure. And what?

And it's this thing where I guess you get an invite and you sign up to hopefully get an invite, I guess. I don't know. And then there's this, they let you know a day or two in advance. And it's this huge outdoor dinner and everyone wears white. You have to pay to go, but you bring your own food. Okay. I thought I was going to say, oh, like, oh, everyone wears white, and they only serve slippery meatballs. And then you just watch everyone embarrass themselves.

Oh, shit. Whoa! My linens! Wait. And it seems like the kind of thing a Coldplay fan would do. What are you paying for? To be able to be part of this Instagrammable experience. Does...

I think, yeah, yeah. Because someone has to be putting it on. Someone has to rent the park. Does whatever Canada's version of Mumford & Sons play? What is Canada's version of Mumford & Sons? Oh, what are they called? Oh, we have one. It's the Presidents of the United States of America.

It's, yeah, Casper Baby Pants. No, I forget. We have one, though. You've got States of America. It's, yeah, Casper Baby Pants. No, I forget. We have one, though. You've got one of those. Yeah. You've got men who have liberal arts degrees who sing about working in mines. Yeah, that kind of thing. Oh, I'm so mad at myself for not knowing.

No, that's, yeah. I'll look it up in the break. Hey, guys, hit us up on Twitter. Who's Canada's Mumford and Sons? Use the hashtag CanMumph. So you're getting a beautiful space. Yeah. That'll really blow up the grams.

Exactly. You get to feel like you belong to an event. Are beverages provided? Anything? Is any kind of mouthable provided? I've never been invited. I've never wanted to be invited. Really, have I?

No. Because you just see. You would go, if your friend got an invitation and said, Dave, would you like to go to the white dinner? I'd say, I have white jeans for some reason. Yeah. I too have them for some reason. G-E-N-E-S.

Yeah. You have white G-E-N-E-S. Yeah. Got it. I would probably, yeah. I don't know who that friend would be, though. And they, Graham. Oh, Graham's really plugged into the Coldplay set.

Graham loves Chardonnay. Now, back to your story. Have you been slighted yet? No, I've not been slighted yet. So, couldn't get a room at the hotel where the wedding was. Thank you, Dave. You're really getting the hang of our show. But about two miles away, there's a nice Doubletree.

Doubletree's got some rooms. And you're going to really stack up the points. Oh, you got to stack up those Platinum Club points. Is Doubletree by someone? I think Hilton. Hilton. Sure. Yeah.

So I decide on this double tree. I go to check in, day of the wedding, and the guy's checking me in. He's like, oh, are you here for the Coldplay concert? And I wanted to yell at him, do I look like I'm here for the fucking Coldplay concert? But maybe I do. Maybe I do look like I'm there for the Coldplay concert. Can I ask, was he white? He was a white.

Okay. Were you wearing, were you just, were you positing, and I don't think this is unreasonable, that to all of the people of color of America, all white people look like they're there for the Coldplay concert? America is just one big Coldplay concert.

Christian, can you confirm that? Yeah, he's giving us the thumbs up. All white people look like they're here for big Coldplay concert. Christian, can you confirm that? Yeah, he's giving us the thumbs up. All white people look like they're here for the Coldplay concert. I think, yeah, I think, number one, I think you probably should have worn your Suicidal Tendencies bicycle hat. Sure. And your dope, I'm the boss shirt or whatever. Oh, right. Then people really would have known how punk rock you are.

Do you think I could go as that duck for Halloween and people would know who I was? Would you, what would the costume be? I guess I... Would it have a little

caption beneath it? I would, yeah, maybe it would need that. I guess I would wear his tank top. Would you wear something that says, not Howard the Duck?

Yeah, people would probably think I was Howard the Duck. But, that's worth it too. I've had the problem, I've had the problem where I'm, I don't know if this is

a problem for you, but you're checking into a hotel. I've had the problem where I'm, I don't know if this is a problem for you, but you're checking into a hotel. I was checking into a very nice hotel in New York city. And, um, I, they did not ask me my name. They said,

you're Howard, the duck, right? Sure. I don't know. I guess I just, I don't know. The Howard Johnson's.

Yeah. They said, are you here for the Howard, the duck? I don't know. Are you looking for Howard's Johnson? And the guy points below the desk and his dick's out. Yeah.

His name tag says Howard. We get it. So, yeah. So that was your insult. I was there. He thought I was in town for the Coldplay concert. I think when you're working in customer service and 80% of your customers are here for a Coldplay concert. I don't think it's unreasonable.

He was looking for me going, oh, yeah, CP, baby. Is Coldplay two words? Yeah. I don't know. I don't think it's one word. Yeah. I'm not here for the Hotplay concert. CP, California pizza.

Show me the kitchen. California pizza. Show me the kitchen. So, but I did notice, I did look around and notice a very, like, tucked in polo shirt crowd. Oh, yeah. Which I guess is what I would label as the Coldplay set. Have we ever talked about the guy when I worked at Borders in Washington, D.C., who ran the music department? This guy fucking discovered, on behalf of the Borders. The hidden track at the end of Dookie.

The Borders. The Borders. It's like you put your nail into the fast forward. You don't skip the track entirely, but you supply it a little bit of pressure. And then a little song about jacking off. He was the most proud of any person in history of having discovered Coldplay and Maroon 5. Oh.

Those were his two fucking discoveries. Like, I was there first. He was so fucking proud that he was the first guy on the Maroon 5 bandwagon. I think, yeah, I mean, I think that both of those bands probably started out as like, you know, public radio on the weekend type bands. You know, this is thoughtful rock music for the smart rock and roll connoisseur. Kings of Leon, when they started out, they were sort of in the same buzz band era as the Strokes and the White Stripes. Oh, I definitely remember a time when the cool kids were like, oh, these guys are all cousins and they were in a weird religious cult.

And now they play rock music. Yeah, boogie woogie rock. Southern fried Tom Petty. And then a couple years went by, and I was downtown, and I just saw all these hip, or not even hip, just like young, bland people going to a concert. I'm like, what are they going to? At an arena. Oh, this band is suddenly enormous. Yeah, yeah.

And it was, well, it was you two. Does that relate to anything? That actually hurts your story. Oh, okay. You know, something I know about Maroon 5 is that they, I think the bulk of Maroon 5 used to be a band called Cara's Flowers that I think was a respectable indie rock outfit. Interesting. Because a lot of my high school friends were into them. Right. And I remember talking, like, oh, the Kara's Flowers guys have a new band, and it's this.

And then it became the music that's in all malls. Was that Cute Guy in the band? You know, it might have been, maybe Cutie was the addition. Talking about Mark McGrath. I'm talking, of course, about famous Cutie, frosted-tipped Cutie, Mark McGrath. Does he still tip him, frost him? Oh, he's got to. Got to frost those tips, baby.

Oh, man. If you're Marky Mac, if you're Marky, put yourself in Marky Mac's shoes. I've been in Marky Post's shoes this whole time. Oh, wrong shoes, buddy. Well, they're comfy. Wrong shoes. Number one, wrong shoes. Number two, how'd're comfy. Wrong shoes. Number one, wrong shoes. Number two, how'd you get those?

Yeah. Number three, I should have noticed earlier. Well. Fuck you. I think when you are a fan of pleasant rock music. Dave said, well, fuck you. I think when you are a fan. Dave's fun.

Dave Shimka's here. Hi. I think when you are a fan of like, you know, thoughtful, pleasant rock music, you think you always run the risk that your new band's going to become some sort of mall punchline. Oh, yeah. I think it's treacherous waters. Has that ever happened to you, Jordan? I'm trying to think. Oh, no.

I mean, I definitely remember like. I mean, that happened to NoFX. Of course. Yeah, I know. And I'm like, hey, these guys are legit. And then, you know, they're in every Vegas casino. Yeah. I mean, I can remember, like, hearing that first Kings of Leon and going, oh, this is... Different.

This sure is something. And then I go, whoa, whoops. Dave, that probably happens to you a lot. You're Canadian. Oh, yeah. Well, you know, we have our local faves who make it big. Who's Canadian and big now? Drake. It used to be Drake was just a kid from Degrassi.

A crippled kid from Degrassi. And then a miracle happened. Didn't get much press. And suddenly, here we are. What is... Dave's example of this is Cardinal Oficial. Oh, sure. Cardinal Oficial

was a hero of the Canadian underground for years and years and years before he inexplicably had like three Monster International hits. Yeah, and now he's everywhere still. Yeah, sure, everyone. No one can stop talking about Cardinal O. Fishow and his hit song Cardi Slang or Everyday Rude Boy.

Drake is more of a Toronto thing, though, right? Yeah, that's true. Yeah, Vancouver, I don't know if we have. You know, Carly Rae Jepsen's from nearby. You got that aquarium. Oh, yeah, it's a beautiful city. Is that what we're talking about? We're just nice things about the city got that aquarium. Oh, yeah. It's a beautiful city. Is that what we're talking about? We're just nice things about the city now.

Oh, sure. Yeah. Mountainous and oceanous. Yeah, we went to that aquarium together. It was a great time. You and I did? Yeah, I think so. I don't think I went.

You don't think so? No. Was Graham there? No. Did you maybe go with Brian? He might have just gone with Brian. Jordan, did you go to the aquarium? No.

No, you weren't there. You didn't make it to Vancouver. You had to go back home for work. Did you just hold a penguin's flipper and walk around with him? That might be what happened. Yeah, and it was downtown Vancouver. And because they are the most man-like of the birds, you probably just assumed. Howard the Duck is the most man-like of the birds.

That's true. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Hello, and welcome to PodPhone. What type of podcast are you looking for? You have chosen funny podcasts about bad movies. Rated R. May we recommend The Flophouse? Three friends talk about bad movies and make each other and you laugh. Rated R. The Flophouse is playing at your ears.

If you download it right now or whenever. Rated R. To purchase tickets to The Flophouse. You don't need to do that. Just download it. The Flophouse. Rated R. For nudity, I guess. It's Jordan Jesse going. Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Dave Shumka, the Canadian. Driving you crazy? Oh, it's not my show. Dave Shumka, the Canadian Mumford & Sons. I found out something really important when I was reading The New Yorker. And here's the thing. I'm not trying to come in here all fancy. You know what I mean? I'm not trying to come in here all fancy. You know what I mean?

I'm not trying to. You could say a magazine. It was the New Yorker. Yeah, but. I don't read just any magazine. I'm not judging you, but I'm saying. What do you think I read it in Harper's? Come on.

Just saying. I'm not a plebe. Dave, I'm a serious intellectual. I read the New Yorker magazine. Oh, we don't have that in Canada. I own a poke boat. A read the New Yorker magazine. Oh, we don't have that in Canada. I own a poke boat. A po-boat? Poke boat.

I own a poke boat that I purchased and various items of travel clothing. What's a poke boat? Is that a boat you have sex with? Yeah. I'm a real boat fucker. Sure. It's in dry dock right now. You know that slur boat fucker? It was actually dry dock right now. You know that slur, boat fucker?

It was actually coined to describe it. That would be a really good slur for a rich guy instead of cake eater. Oh, look at that boat fucker. Well, speaking of rich guys. Hey, nice red trousers, you boat fucker. What are you, Jizz Caviar? Come on. I was reading-

Have fun shoving that brunch up your ass. I don't know. I don't know if you've heard about this. Again, this is something that I don't know if this news made it to Canada. Yeah. But the legendary real estate mogul and multi-billionaire Donald Trump is actually a candidate for- Ronald what? Donald Trump is actually a candidate-

Not ringing a bell. No. Donald Trump. He's actually a... Not ringing a bell. No. Donald Trump. Trunch. Should I try... Trunch? No, that's Donald Trump. Donald Trunch.

You're thinking of Ban Chunch, Martha Stewart's horse. Shun Crunchton. Ban Chunch, Martha Stewart's horse is also running for president. And he's got my vote.

So fast. It's a pony, technically. Oh, okay. He's trotting for president. And he's got my vote. So fast. It's a pony, technically. Oh, okay. He's trotting for president. There was an article about... He's a pony. We wouldn't know by looking at that dick.

That is a horse dick on a pony. Love it. When he becomes a horse. You know Martha's checking out that dick. Oh, you know Martha's checking out that dick. That's to check the D. That's what Martha always says. The P-D. out that dick. Oh, you know Martha's checking out that dick. That's to check the D. That's what Martha always says. The P.D.

Pony dick. You remember the last time? The U.B.P.D. The unusually big pony dick. Do you remember when Martha Stewart went on David Letterman for the last time and she gave him, it was such a beautiful, heartfelt, reminiscence, piece of fond advice for his retirement which was you gotta look for an HD on a P

you gotta look for a horse dick on your pony it's applicable to so many things my parents used to always if I was in a bad situation I think there's actually a Daniel Tiger about this but always try to find the horse dick on the pony.

Always try to find the horse dick on the pony. That's what they sing. They sing it. They sing that with Stan the Music Man from the music shop on Daniel Tiger. Hey, listeners, has life recently dealt you a pony? Well, you might want to reach between those legs, careful not to get kicked in the face, because that pony that you hate so much might actually have a big old horse dick. But seriously, be careful when you reach in there.

The pony's not going to like this. No. He'll hate it. Don't sneak up on him either. No. Give him some rubs on his anus. Yes, rub the anus. Apply oats.

We've brought Dave down to our level. No, no, no. I can be dirty boys. Whenever there's a comedy festival, they put me on the Nasty Boys show.

The Nasty Boys of comedy. So this article. Ronald Trunch. This article was about his children. Specifically, Ivanka Trump. Ivanka with a B? No, it's Ivanka Trump. Okay.

She's in her mid-30s. She's a real looker. I'd date her if she weren't my daughter. Yowza. She's married to a gentleman, and they have an outsized influence on the campaign. All that's great. It's a fascinating article about their outsized influence on the campaign. And she's not a monster.

Compared to his sons. I have no opinion about candidates. Okay. Oh, that's right. I'm sorry. Can I? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Maybe a little gauche because you don't even live in this country. Oh, sure. So, commenting on our politics. Yes, I'm leading a puppet rebellion.

That's a great Canada joke. I don't know if it's as good as my Storming the Bastille joke earlier. Oh, by the way, I remember the Canadian Mumford & Sons are called the Strumbelas. Oh, boy. That is a good name. Do they sing songs about working in mines? Let's get some hay bales, they're shooting a video. Okay, back to you, Trumpo.

Okay. Keeping the show on track. So all of that was great information. I learned a lot about the presidential election, and as a serious journalist, I value all of that. Now, we've talked recently on the show, Frank brought this up with us. Duke Goobler. Okay. This is a name that already one person has gotten on a license plate. Okay.

That is? A great name. A great name that we thought of. And by we, I mean not me, probably. But you don't remember your own show ever? No, I don't. But it's safe to assume that if something funny happened, probably Jordan said it. But.

What about the guest? We only have guests. We only have novelists as guests. So they more offer insights. Although some of them are funny. I mean, Colson Whitehead. Yeah. He's pretty funny.

Yeah. He's pretty funny. Sherman Alexie. He got off a few zingers. Sure. He's got some wry Native American wit about his grandma's fry bread. So the most important thing, there was one thing that was the most important thing, which was this. Before Ivanka Trump married her current husband, converted to modern Orthodox Judaism, where she keeps the Shabbos and stuff.

Very interesting. Yeah. She had one long-term boyfriend. His name was, and I'm quoting directly from The New Yorker now. This is not a political opinion. Socialite Bingo Goobelman. boy that is really good socialite bingo goobleman um how do you become can you be a socialite on a fixed income well it depends on your social depends on it what at what number it's been fixed.

Can you become a social... Do you have to be super rich to be a socialite? Or can you be just... Are you asking because you're collecting social security? Well, I'm just asking, like, can you be so good at social skills? Right. Can you be a socialite on a budget? Yeah. To where you...

Yeah, you can get something nice from Marshalls. Yeah. Like if you're Will Smith from can get something nice from Marshalls. Yeah. Yeah, like if you're Will Smith from Six Degrees of Separation. Or you're the guy in that, what is it, a Miller commercial where he talks about how rich he is. The Great Gatsby. Oh, sure. Where he's like, I've got a throne and I belong to an exclusive club. Oh, boy, that's the worst.

As much as I like a Miller High Life, that commercial makes me want to punch myself in the face. Do you think we could probably get him as a guest, right? Bingo Goobelman? Socialite Bingo Goobelman, yes. Oh, socialite? Is it like doctor? You have to say they want to be interested? Right, it's a title.

I didn't go to eight years of socialite school to be called Mr. Goobelman. Are you sure? Or Bad Boy Rocker Tommy Lee? It's an official title. By the way, I didn't want to get it wrong. So I googled Ivanka Trump. You googled? Yes. Ex-boyfriend. And I got an article from the...

He didn't google it. He searched on Bing. Bingo. He's made up of two search engines. Where's he from? Alta Vista? Yeah. Of the Yahoo! Googlemans? Can you Google image search them? What does this Googleman look like?

Can I say what came up when I Googled it? Fine. Ivanka Trump's ex-boyfriend Bingo Googleman in Manhattan cocaine bust with maroon 5 bassist. Oh, my gosh. He was issued a ticket outside St. Dimfna's Bar in Manhattan with Maroon 5 bassist Mickey Madden. And rarely has a man looked more like his name was Mickey than Maroon 5 bassist.

Oh, yeah. How much does that guy look like he's the... Yeah. That is absolutely a hard party in Mickey. I saw, yeah. That's funny that a socialite and a bassist are hanging out together. But also that it was a cocaine bust and he got a ticket. Yeah.

That's what socialitism does for you. Do you think that somehow... Yeah. That's what socialitism does for you. Do you think that somehow, do you think that Mickey from Maroon 5, now we can name two members of Maroon 5. That the pretty guy from Maroon 5. Adam Levine, let's not be, pretend we don't know Adam Levine. So Marky Mac, as I call him, is he not paying Mickey enough and then Mickey has to sell Coke to socialites? No, they're just hanging and banging.

They're just hanging. I think people can bond over cocaine. Really? I mean, I think maybe he's just- We did. Maybe he's just got a long game in mind. You know, he's like, listen, I'm not the cute one in Maroon 5. Nope, it's not cute.

He's cute. He looks like, listen, I'm not the cute one in Maroon 5. Nope. He's cute. He looks like a nice guy. Look, Adam Levine is an Adonis. Perfect. He's beautiful. He's cute. He's everything to everyone. Sure.

But that guy's undeniably cute. He's a bitch. He's a lover. He's got a face. Cherubic face. He's got a... I would... Look, I don't even do cocaine, and I want to take it up.

You want to blow some rails off that cutie. Yeah, off his base. Let's get together. Which one, Levine or Mickey? Mickey! Because he's got that cute sweater on. You just like a guy in a cute sweater. He's got a very cute sweater.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's coming up on that time of year. Can we get a pick going of the whole band Maroon 5? Okay. And we can all say which one we think would be most compatible with. Okay. Because current day Maroon 5.

Because there have been some lineup changes. Okay. I want to apologize to the Strumbellas. It's hurtful to say you're the Canadian Mumford. One time while working at CBC Music for the Canadian

Broadcasting Corporation, I made this chart that explained everything, all Canadian music to Americans. And I said, like, the Junos are the Canadian Grammys. And Much Music is Canadian MTV. And Gian Gomeschi is Canadian Ryan Seacrest. Sure. And he got so mad. Who, Gian Gomeshi is Canadian Ryan Seacrest. Sure. And he got so mad. Who, Shion Gomeshi? Shion Gomeshi. And he told us to take it down.

And somehow we didn't have to, but we had to stop promoting that piece of content. This was back before he was disgraced. But some of us had a sniff. I had a similar shitty experience with him. sniff i had i had a similar shitty experience with him uh one time at a public radio conference he was there to promote q his former show uh he was with their show was distributed by the same distributor as me public radio international and it had a party at night and it has stage and he did a presentation where he showed that clip of the interview that went very poorly with Billy Bob Thornton. That was his big signature moment, that interview that went badly.

And he wore his little leather jacket and made eyes at the middle-aged ladies that run public radio stations. And he said, you know, we're a show for young people, but we're not pandering. We're not, by the way, the slogan of The Sound of Young America at the time was a public radio show about things that are awesome. And he said, but we're a show for younger people, but it's not some pandering baloney. You know, we're not going to say that our show is about things that are awesome or whatever.

And I was like, what the fuck? We're on the same team, asshole. Right here. Like seven heads turned to was like, what the fuck? We're on the same team, asshole. I'm right here. Like, seven heads turned to me like, did he just say that? I was like, fuck you. That's how I knew right then and there that he was a violent sexual assaulter. He used to be in this band called Moxie Fruvis. Yeah, great band.

Really credible, hard-rocking band. One time I interviewed him like i was doing this story about uh bands that broke up at the like at the wrong time bands that stayed together past their expiry date and i interviewed him specifically because i thought he knew that his band sucked but he didn't he He had no idea. No, he bragged about it in that presentation. His band, his Canadian novelty indie pop band. Not, you know, indie pop is kind.

It was like novelty pop. Novelty, like, intellectual pop. Songs about authors. You know, like that riff you guys just did about authors? Yeah. Anyway. To be be fair we weren't singing oh that's true i mean i do consider what we're doing word jazz but maybe you just don't take this seriously enough okay which one is your favorite member of maroon 5? Okay, I'm looking at them here. We've got Adam Levine. There's Mickey on the left.

We've got a long hair. Oh, black guy. Didn't see that coming. It's a real curveball. You know what? I think I like this guy on the end. Maybe he's Latino. This is Mickey here?

That's Mickey. Maybe this guy on the end is Latino. Maybe he's This is Mickey here. That's Mickey. Maybe this guy on the end is Latino. Maybe he's Mediterranean. Mickey's the solidest looking one. Yeah. He's a guy you could count on to- Bring the coke. Yeah.

To the bar. When the cops show up, he'll do some flushing. I'm going to say this guy on the far left who might be Latino, might be Mediterranean. He's got a lovely olive skin. Sort of a swarthy guy. Yeah. I think that's Bingo Goobelman. Oh, well.

Is that Bingo? And I guess I'm a Goobel booster. He is a cutie. He's got sharper features than some of the other guys. He's my favorite. I'm a Mickey man. You know what I like about the black guy in this picture? He looks as surprised to be there. I'm in what? I like about the black guy in this picture? He looks as surprised to be there. I'm in what? I'm in the what?

This is a photo shoot for what? Have I been in that the whole time? I thought this was a Gap ad. Yeah, it's a Land's End catalog shoot. Yeah. They're all wearing navy. They should be wearing maroon. That's a good point. Yeah, they should run with that. Maybe they should change their name to Navy 5. Yeah. They're all wearing Navy. They should be wearing maroon. That's a good point.

Yeah. They should run with that. Maybe they should change their name to Navy 5. Yeah. Let's campaign for it. Oh, we're going to get some angry tweets. Oh, boy. Let's write a letter.

You know who we're going to get angry tweets from? Fucking Moxie Fruvis fans. That's who. Oh, yeah. I a couple times alluded to that, and Moxie Fruvis fans, that's who. Oh, yeah. I a couple times alluded to that, and Moxie Fruvis fans, oh, boy. They don't take it kindly. You're on the wrong side of history. I've never heard of this.

It's the dorkiest. I've heard of this horrible man. I know who this horrible man is and that he is a monster. Canada in the early 90s had a dork folk revolution led by the bare naked ladies and crass chest dummies. I guess, yeah, I guess I didn't, I never thought that that was symptomatic of a,

like, you know, as Nirvana was the breakout act of the Seattle grunge scene, a scene that took punk aggression and heavy metal musicianship and fused them together

into the sound that we needed, Canada was leading a similar... Moxie Fruvis was maybe the candlebox of dork folk. Okay. Oh, boy. Okay. Yeah. Anyway, these are my thoughts on Moxie Fruvis.

People at the public radio conference would say, like, you know, he's a musician, so he really understands the creative mind. Sure. He's also, look, I got no bones with him. He's great. No, don't send Jesse any angry tweets. Send them all to at Dave Shumka. Thank you, Dave. Yeah.

Thanks for taking that. You're the expert. You're the Canadian. Sure. Look, I'm just parroting what you say. And I'll try to. You say Moxie Fruvis. I say Moxie Fruvis.

You say Dave Steeb. I say Dave Steeb. Sure. I say Tom Henke. Yeah. You say Tom. I say Kelly Gruber. I threw you a curveball there.

Oh, sure. Third base. Not a splitter or a sinker like Tom Hinckley. Yeah, absolutely. Pat Borders. Do you want to say anybody from the Toronto Blue Jays? Rance Mullenix. No, thanks.

It's one of the best. That's fine. Yeah. It's not your job. So who, okay. So you got Fruvis. You got the very naked ladies. Who?

Crash Test Dummies. Crash Test Dummies. Was that Presidencyury Naked Ladies. Who? Crash Test Dummies. Crash Test Dummies. Was that Presidency of the United States of America? They're from Seattle. Oh. Okay. That's why they're so grungy? Well, they were post-grunge, weren't they?

I don't know. It's hard to say. Well, Forrest Gump came out in 94. Lump came out in 96. Yeah. And then Weird Al's Gump came out in 98. Lump came out in 96. Yeah. And then Weird Al's Gump came out in 98. I don't know. How does the Arrested Development follow-up albums and Galamaduni fit into this?

Because that I have some expertise on. I'm afraid not. We're guitar music boys here. Got it. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thorne,

America's radio. Sweetheart, Jordan Morris, boy detective. Oh, Dave Shumka. Uh, the cool member of Moxie.

Uh, we got something up on the jumbotron this week, Jordan. It's a message from Robin Frank to Casey. Yeah. The message is, we're glad you're going back to school full time even if we won't see you in the office. You'll do great.

Let's get bagels this Friday. Googus mungus. Jordan should talk about Sonic fan art. Do you think that's the new thing about Jumbotrons is they just tell us to repeat things we've done on the show before? Have you done googus mungus before? I don't know what googus Mungus is.

I think he was dating Ivanka Trump. Or Marla Maples' daughter, Trump. Yeah, sure. He's a famous crew rower. Googus Mungus. Yeah, he was one of the Mungus twins founded Facebook. He rode crew. Went to Dartmouth, I believe.

I don't know. I don't have any other thoughts about Sonic fan art other than what I've shared on the show. He was one of the Mungus twins who founded Facebook. He rode crew. Went to Dartmouth, I believe. I don't know. I don't have any other thoughts about Sonic fan art other than what I've shared on the show. You haven't seen any new interesting Sonic fan art? I think it remains the weirdest fan art on the internet. Although, you know what? It's probably been eclipsed by Minion at this point. Is this Minion fan art? Yeah, it's real weird.

What happens in it? Minions just get reappropriated into everything. So, I mean, you have your standard minions fucking each other, minions fucking Gru. Who's Gru? Gru is their boss. Oh, Steve Carell? Steve Carell.

Okay. But then you just have them. I thought Gru was like a cartoon strip Viking. I think you're thinking of Hagar. Okay. The Horrible. Okay. Yeah.

The aptly named Hagar the Horrible. And then they have Minions fucking Steve Carell from The Office. I couldn't remember the finance movie name. Oh, The Big Short. That's what I call my pony's dick. You know what? If I was going to describe The Big Short, I'd describe it as

some finance guys fucking the little guy. That's me. And I liked it. It felt good. A lot of fun. Thank you, finance man. They were sensitive lovers. You know, I wasn't following it, but I got to love those period appropriate music cues. Even though I didn't know what was going on, I definitely recognized those songs.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Is there any, so what else about Minions? So, yeah. Because the weirdest thing about the Sonic stuff, if I recall, there's sex stuff, but then there's also Christianity stuff. There's also Christianity, yes. Minions can just do anything. You can put a Minion saying 9-11 was an inside job. You can make a minion saying the moon landing was fake.

I've also seen a minion holding up a sign that says honk if you suck dick. You've seen that on the internet or on the interstate? On the internet, I wish. Oh, man, I would have honked. Which superhighway did you see that on? The information. The information superhighway. Hey, I just want to say happy 25th birthday to the first webpage.

Oh. Oh, thank you very much on behalf of that webpage I'm speaking. It's spokesperson here on the podcast. I only read the headline. I don't remember what the webpage was. Didn't see. But, hey, keep it up. It was probably Space Jam.

Yeah, the Space Jam website or Hamster Dance. One of the two. Jordan, I have a question. Yes. Can minions melt steel beams? No. Nothing can. Yeah.

Loose change. Loose change, Dave. Search it on YouTube. Search for loose change on YouTube, no. Nothing can. Yeah. Loose change. Mm-hmm. Loose change, Dave. Search it on YouTube. Search for loose change on YouTube, Dave. I think it's going to give you a whole new perspective on the Minions. The whole Despicable Me franchise. The whole thing. Soup to nuts.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, the voice of the millennial generation. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Dave Shamka. Googer. What was the last one? The guy. Mungus?

Gugus Mungus, I think. Gugus Mungus. Yeah. That sounds like someone who might be in GWAR. Oh, sure. It sounds like somebody who's definitely in GWAR. I want to mention something before we get into momentous occasions, which don't worry, guys. I just want to mention GWAR. What is it good for?

Absolutely narthing? Sorry to grunt. I'm sorry. Can you guys say it again? I just want to mention I am headed out on tour in a couple of weeks with our friend John Hodgman for a Judge John Hodgman tour of the Northeast. Most of those shows are sold out, except for Portland, Maine. I think there are tickets left.

But then me and a few other Max Fun shows are going to be at the London Podcast Festival in London, England. So there's going to be two Judge John Hodgmans. There is going to be a Beef and Dairy Network podcast. There is going to be an International Waters with our friend Dave Holmes and many special guests. And there is going to be

a Bullseye with Jesse Thorne that will feature, I'm Jesse Thorne, Dave, and that will feature our friend Josie Long, past Jordan Jesse Go guest. Josie Long is going to do a set on the show

and an interview with Armando Iannucci. The Nooch. The Nooch, the creator of Veep and The Thick of It and In the Loop and many other great things. One of the funniest, smartest guys there is, plus other guests to be announced.

I think we have sold all of 10 tickets or something for that show, so please get your tickets now, and if you know somebody who lives in England, let them know that while they don't know who I am, almost certainly they may vaguely recognize the Nooch. Gotta love the Nooch. All those tickets, information online at MaximumFun.org. chance to see your podcasting godhead Jesse Thorne talk with

the greatest television creator of all time Armando Iannucci at King's Place in London in late September. We ask that you call us at 206-984-4FUN. You'll get ten calls. For our segment Momentous. I think the queen's gonna come.

I heard that Pippa bought tickets. Oh, that dad-ass. I had to queen's going to come. I heard that Pippa bought tickets. Oh, that dad-ass. I had to correct myself from saying that. Yeah, 206-9844-FUN is the number to call. Let's take our first call. Hi, this is Hunter in Seattle calling in a momentous occasion. Bear with me. This is going to sound like a local-neocal story, but I promise there is a payoff.

I was walking alongside a park that surges on a wooded area. Hold on. Press pause. Christian, press pause. My concern here is this sounds like just another local yokel story. I know. I mean, I'm glad we got the assurance because I would shut this down. I mean, it does have one point of differentiation, which is it sounds like a local yokel story that's been called from inside like a grain silo. Well, maybe that's where it's headed.

Okay. It was on the edge of a wooded area. Whenever I hear the edge of a wooded area, he's going to find a dead body. Yeah. I would love that. Or some porno mags. Some sweet mags. I think either way, it'll really add a little color to this situation.

Okay. Press play, Christian. I got on a skateboard approaching, doing that thing where they ride a skateboard while getting pulled along by a large dog. Just as he was coming up towards me, a small rabbit popped out of the woods alongside the park. The dog caught a glimpse of that rabbit, took a D-line

for the rabbit, and pulled the guy off the sidewalk, and he went flying. I don't think anyone was hurt, so I can laugh at it, but it was a pretty magical day. I'm so glad that he managed to book some time on the one telephone line out of Antarctica to call us with that. Yeah, he was managed to crank it up just enough to where he got enough energy to place that call.

I think I hear a ghost. Yeah. That's pretty good. I mean, that'll show that guy to be a colorful character that everyone recognizes. Yeah. Yeah. And it'll show that rabbit. I'm sure the dog got it.

I should hope so. Dag nabbit. Dogs always catch the rabbit. I hope everyone involved was hurt in some way. Yeah. Dog, man, rabbit, car. I hope the dog was okay. Yeah.

Skateboard. I hope the skateboard lost a grip. I hear Batmobile lost its wheel. That's the reason that the Joker is still at large to this day. I mean, it happened around Christmas time. That's why we sing it to that melody. The Batmobile lost its wheel, and that's the reason why the Joker

is still at large to this day. Let's take another call. Hey, George, Jesse. Yes. Momentous occasion for me today. I have a lovely wife. My lovely wife is wonderfully pregnant. Can you pause this? Can you pause this for a second?

Again, I hate picking on the callers. Dave, that's not why I do this. Isn't it? It's the last thing we want. I want to celebrate these callers. Dave, that's not why I do this. Isn't it? It's the last thing we want. I want to celebrate these callers. These people, these are my people. They're podcast godhead. Okay, I'm celebrating these people and everything that they bring to the program.

Dave, your wife, Abby, she's with child. My wife, Teresa, she with child. So what's the big fucking deal about how great your pregnant wife is?, Teresa. She with child. So what's the big fucking deal about how great your pregnant wife is? Is Teresa pregnant again? Yeah. Congratulations. Thank you. You didn't know that?

No. I'm sorry, Jordan. I genuinely didn't mean to tell you in this context. No, that's okay. I mean, where better? Yeah. Teresa's so pregnant. How far along is she?

She's a few months along, and she's due in late February, early March. Well, congratulations to you guys and your expanding families. Thank you. Not the caller, though. I can't help but notice Dave's expanded since the last time we saw him. He'd do some crunches, buddy. I gotta love those milkshakes. You do gotta love those.

I'm definitely fatter than Dave. You do got to love those. I'm definitely fatter than Dave. What I was going to say is that it's not that great that this guy's got a girlfriend that he's in love with or a wife that he's in love with or whatever, and she's pregnant. It's so fabulous. So just ease off the throttle a little bit, Guy. Like, I'm not saying it's bad. I'm just saying if me and Dave Shumka can knock chicks up, it's not that special. What hope do the rest of you have?

Okay, press play again, Christian. My lovely wife is wonderfully pregnant, and that's exciting. Unfortunately, people... Bad phone! What the fuck? Get a better phone. Did he just get attacked by a ghost? No, he just had some burps.

Too many milkshakes. Is our phone line being tapped? Is that what's going on here? Everyone, get better phones. Yeah. No, I don't care if you got the latest Android. Call from the office. Call from a landline. Call from a landline.

Call from a land. Put 25 cents in a payphone. You've got it. Sounds like you're calling from a land party. Yeah. Which is the worst place to make a... Everybody's playing Descent. Yeah.

Together. Doom 2. Yeah. Okay. Press play. The message of being poked with things than she at one time was. How many times have I said this? Go back because I

can't even fucking follow this. I think he's asking his wife something instead of letting her speak for herself. Why does he keep stopping and starting? She's been calling her own momentous occasion. Yeah, why does he stop for like a minute and then pick up after like 30?

It makes the whole thing difficult to follow. I guess he's just excited about his new life or whatever. Go back to the beginning. Go back to the first caller. Go back to basic. Yes. Momentous occasion for me today. I have a lovely wife.

My lovely wife is wonderfully pregnant and that's exciting. Unfortunately, beautiful pregnant wife is less interested in being poked with things than she at one time was.

How many times have I said this? Fortunately, she still likes poking me, and in honor of Analogous, we were having some attention to my prostate and a very nice, firm-handed, reaching around to go with it,

and lo and behold, she accidentally smashed one of my testicles back up into my abdomen, and I was smart about this until after the fact, and I just couldn't find one. I came to terms with the fact that, oh, this is just my life. This was two and a half days ago. I said, well, now I'm a testicle.

I'm wearing my tummy. And it has just redescended. Get them, get them, get them get them get them thank god there's a happy ending to this I had lost and found again the protocol ball has returned I love what you do I love this stuff hey man

we love what you do and we love this stuff too buddy I'm so happy for your ball I apologize now it's understandable sure why he was talking like something traumatic I'm so happy for your ball. I apologize. Now it's understandable. Sure. Why he was talking like something traumatic had happened. Wow. Wow.

I still think this was her story to tell. Yeah, this is her accomplishment. You know what? I call the whole subject her story. Sure. That's what I got my bachelor's degree in. It's Santa Chris. Yeah.

You know, I would have loved to have heard it. You know, as opposed to just yelling at her for the details. Is that right? Was it my testicle? Hey, what were you doing? Were you in my butt? You know what I'd like to hear? I'd like to hear this whole call Rashomon style.

So we hear it from him. Sure. We hear it from her. We hear it from the ball. Yeah. We hear it from the unborn child. I think that would have a lot of fun with perspective there. Yeah.

Did you know that could happen? Your ball could go inside you? Not really. Other than extreme cold? Go. Where does it go? I guess maybe just into the pelvic bone. Perched up there on the bone.

Yeah, it's just like that day in college when you sat on the roof. Perch on the bone. Can I tell you the truth? Perch on the bone. Guys, this is the last thing I would want to have happen to me. But, Jesse. I mean, I wouldn't care for it. No?

That doesn't sound like fun. How'd it get up in there? Where's it going? Gotta, gotta get up to get down. That's coolio. You know what, though? His wife really does sound wonderfully pregnant. Yeah.

She's a cool lady. Yeah. Getting her hands dirty. And, you know. Mixing it up. Sure. Yeah. Good for her. Good for him. It's this is a it's it's a mitzvah. Sure. Good for that baby who's going to clearly. As Ivanka Trump and her husband would say. Right. Sure. Yes. I congratulate all of them. Yeah. And Ivanka. I really need some time to process this. Yeah, that was a lot. I'm still a little gobsmacked. Which is, by the way, the technical term for what happened to him. A ball goes up inside.

Sure, yeah. A bone. If you've got a momentous occasion for you, it doesn't have to be that harrowing. 206-984-4FUN. Like, let's say you just sold Bingo Goobelman some blow. Mm-hmm. Give us a call. Yeah, let us know how much blow.

Yeah, what kind of blow does socialite Bingo Goobelman like? Is it like a cut, uncut? I don't know if blow has strains, but maybe. Does it look like that sticky, icky blow? Yeah, that OG, OG. I know there's Bolivian marching powder, and I know that there's that yayo. Uh-huh. Right? Yeah. What else is there? Oh, there's that booger sugar. Sure, OG. Well, I know there's Bolivian marching powder. And I know that there's that yayo. Uh-huh. Right?

Yeah. What else is there? Oh, there's that booger sugar. Sure. Yeah. Rowdy powder. So many different kinds of booger. Nose candy.

Yeah. Pixie stick for your nostril lick. Busey's party favors. Cocaine. Yeah. Sure. Powder Cocaine. Yeah. Powder cocaine. And, of course, Andy Dick's assistant. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go.

Mugs, shirts, stickers, patches, tanks, and more are yours for the purchasing at maxfundstore.com. Hey, you already love the podcasts, so why not take this to the next level and outfit your home and bod with our merch? maxfundstore.com. Because if you have to wear a shirt, it should be one of ours. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, How kind of your beautifully, radiantly pregnant wife, Abby. She's wonderfully pregnant. It was, if you know what I mean. Oh, I do. To share you with us for this evening's podcast recording. Yeah, she's a wise and kind wife. We're so grateful to have you here.

And I'm grateful to be here. I, okay. Jordan, I'm going to level with you. Please. Dave, you don't have to listen you here. And I'm grateful to be here. I, okay. Jordan, I'm going to level with you. Please. Dave, you don't have to listen to this. I own MaximumFun.org.

You know that. We've got 30 shows. For the most part, I don't listen to these shows. Nah. I don't like podcasts. No.

Just a bunch of yakking. Why would I listen to podcasts when I can watch Hillbilly Hand Fishing? Sure. But I'll say this. Every week, I listen to Stop Podcasting Yourself. It's my favorite podcast.

I laugh so hard every week. so hard every week. My wife resents it because I just, all I want to talk to her about, talk to with her, talk with her about is a funny thing that Dave and Graham said.

It is like, it is such a lovely comfort show because they're such kind and decent guys except sometimes for Dave. Come at me, Moxie Fruvis fans. It is. And it is just one of the funniest things.

I bet there are a lot of Jordan Jessico fans out there who have not yet. We have tons of fans in common. I think there are probably a lot of Jordan Jessico fans out there who haven't yet listened to Stop Podcasting Yourself or haven't given it a couple of listens because they listened once. They're like, this show's weird. They're from Canada or whatever.

They say words wrong. They haven't mentioned The Grove once. What's playing at the Arclight. Yeah. But, yeah, if you like Jordan Jessigo, you're going to love Stop Podcasting Yourself. That's very kind of you. Yeah. And I want to return that compliment to the Doughboys.

Oh, those guys are the best. The Doughboys are really funny. Speaking of, I just got a text from Nick Weiger. From Nick Weiger of the Doughboys? Yeah. So something we like to laugh out. This is very exciting. the doughboys yeah so something we like to laugh out this is very exciting something that we like to talk about is like a guy who has a shirt that says dump them out it's about a woman's boobs

what you know like a dirt bag like a scumbag yeah yeah yeah oh no i know i get the guy hypothetical no this is a real shirt you could get this This is... Oh, that's what I wore when I was seven. Yeah. Dump them out. It's a duck encouraging women to dump them out. That was one of Urkel's cat choices. Mine said CNC Surf Factory or whatever that was. Oh, sex wax. You're confusing the music and

surf factories. Got it. He says, I found a variant of Dump Them Out. It's a shirt that says, I like them dropped, and it's a woman with her pants down. What the fuck? What the fuck is that? It's really good. What are you saying to Nick?

It's really good. Also, the real reason I'm in town is to poach some feral podcasts. Ooh, got to get those ferals. Got to go poacheroo. Yep. It's just the way I was raised. You're a poacher's son through and through. Your dad would sneak onto a game reserve and kill elk.

Kill Cecil the podcast. But you will visit Los Angeles and try and snatch Alley in Georgia. Sure. I know your game. Yeah, I'm going to get that murder show that I can't listen to because it's too scary. Yeah, it sounds a little bit scary. Anyway. It's about murders?

Yeah. What's that one? I forget. My Favorite Murder, it's called. I'm scared already. Karen Kilgariff. Oh. Karen Kilgariff, I was saying?

Yeah. I'm terrified. And Allie or Georgia. And they talk about their favorite murders. But too many kid ones. Tough on the old dad-a-roonie. Sure. Hearing about bathtub drowned children.

That's usually where it happens. I feel like one of the only things that I hate as much as I love Karen Colgariff is probably murder. Hate murder. Against it. Hashtag, I stand against murder. Very brave. I stand, hashtag, I stand against murder. Very brave. Very brave.

Thank you very much. Thank you, Dave. You're welcome, too. Just like every woman. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, not all women. That's true. Well, we've had a lot of fun here. Dave's show is called Stop Podcasting Yourself. I also want to make a side plug here, as long as Dave's here. A lateral plug.

Our friends Dave and Graham, who are the hosts of Stop Podcasting Yourself, have another podcast. It's called Our Debut Album. And on this show, Dave and Graham, and sometimes a guest, like a nice Canadian guy usually. Yeah, usually a member of Moxie Fruvis. Yeah. They sit together. They got a keytar, right? No, it's all some form of drum or squeeze box.

Would Moxie Fruvis' discography meet your standard of ween or less jokey? No, it's more jokey than ween. There you go. So Dave and Graham sit down. In an hour, they have to write an entire song. And then my favorite part is when they're narrating along at the end about the recording of it. And they're like, ooh, and then we recorded the vocals. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

Then I did the bass. Yeah, that was fun. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Yeah, we did it. By the way. It's a real radio doc. Yeah, that was fun. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Yeah, we did it. By the way. It's a real radio doc. All of the songs that they write are to the tune of Hot Rod Lincoln.

No, we just do the major scale. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, put the song up for sale. Which is, by the way, is why it's not a Max Fun Show. We would be more than welcome to make a Max Fun Show, but they want to try making a different kind of money. Yeah. Selling the songs. Yeah. And that show is also a fucking delight. And it's once a month. It doesn't take too much of your time. It's like your period.

Exactly. But fun. My period has been inconsistent lately. I'm just kidding, women. I think you're all very brave, and your menses are beautiful. Well, except those of you who are beautifully pregnant. Yeah. Then no menses.

No menses. But you have a different kind of beauty and bravery. There might be some spotting. You should probably talk to your medical professional, be they a midwife, a doula, an OBGYN. Calling a doula a medical professional would make me a stretch. I guess that's not right. That's why I hesitated. You're more of a yoga ball professional.

Someone who owns crystals. I'm pro doula. You pro doula? I have nothing against doulas. Are you doulaing up again? No, we never doulaed. We midwived. You didn't. We midwived.

Oh, well, if you're midwifed, you're all set. Yeah. A midwife, that's like a medical doula-ing up again? No, we never doula-ed. We midwived. You did. We midwived. Oh, well, if you're midwifed, you're all set. Yeah. A midwife, that's like a medical doula. Exactly. Yeah, I'm not trying to brag here, Jordan. You know that I hate bragging. Sure. My Aunt Claudia recently upgraded from doula to midwife.

Oh, that's a step up? Yeah, now she's a doula and a midwife. Pretty good. Paintings to the ceiling. Sure. Do you think the show Doogie Howser, M.D. would have been better if he was a 13-year-old midwife? Yes. Yes.

Unequivocally, yes. And it was just another episode about kegels. Hey, Doog, you got some placenta on your hand. I'm his friend. Hey, Doog. Vinnie Del Pino. Isn't that what that show called The Midwife is about? Yes.

About a 13-year-old blonde boy. Yeah. Anyway, our debut album is Dave's Other Show, but most importantly, you should check out Stop Podcasting. There's over 400 episodes. I'm just going to tell you one episode to listen to. Yeah?

389. What's that? That was Alicia Tobin, and it made some best of lists last year. Hey! Alicia Tobin's one of the most delightful. If you're afraid, if you're afraid because you don't already know. Alicia Tobin's one of the most delightful. If you're afraid, because you don't

already know that Alicia Tobin's a legendary Stop Podcasting Yourself repeat guest, I would say you probably listen to every fucking podcast that Paul F. Tompkins guest appears on, and you know who loves Stop Podcasting Yourself and actually listens to it and appears on it as

a guest? Paul F. fucking Tompkins, the funniest man in the world. This is the hard sell, guys. Except possibly for Andy Daly. To get in. Get in on this eight-year-old show. Yeah. It is! This is the time!

If not now, when? I'm shocked that numbers keep going up. That people are like, I'm going to listen to all 400. Dave, listen to me here right now, okay? This is your moment. Mm-hmm. You almost. You on this day are appearing on the only two other successful podcasts with no format.

That's true. The only two shows left. That's right. Doing something that people are actively contemptuous of and almost succeeding. Yeah, the thing that people have always made fun of podcasts for. Just white guys talking about nothing. Sure. We've soldiered on despite.

Here's to us. Yes. We're here for the Coldplay concert. No, maybe let's not chant whites. I used to rule the world. Coldplay. I used to talk with other whites. We'd discuss what happened on Game of Thrones.

Oh, boy. We remember Nintendo games. We can't stop remembering that. And then we talk about superhero movies, and we think we've outgrown that. Guys, I don't improvise. Or sing. Well, okay then. Play the ending of the show. I guess we'll end, okay then. Play the

ending of the show. I guess we'll end the show then. Christian Duenas on the boards this week. Brian Fernandez, our producer in London, England. We are, of course, on Reddit. Oh, yeah. Maximumfun.reddit.com

Sometimes people send food in the mail from other countries and we eat it on air. We're on Facebook. Join the Maximum Fun group and like Jordan, Jess, and Joe. We have some inside jokes. That's okay. I was going to say they're hard to explain to your friends, but I couldn't get it in the Coldplay meter. Anyway, what are we talking about?

Hashtag JJ go on Twitter and of course check us out we're on tour right now just go to live nation.com type in cold play yeah get at us and holler at us

we'll talk to you next week on Jordan Jesse go maximum fun.org at us. We'll talk to you next week on Jordan, Jesse, go.