Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 444: Kept Doofus with Cameron Esposito

Episode Date: September 5, 2016

Cameron Esposito joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of straight white men using the word "daddy," Jesse's trip to his new cabin, and Jordan's experience taking a sound bath in the desert.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm the host of the program, Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. How are you, friend? I'm doing medium. Medium. Okay, well, let's get into it. Let's talk about what's the highs, what's the lows, what's in between. You, apparently. Well, highs.

Uh-huh. We're here doing this great show for our great fans. Uh-huh. Hives. That's a Scandinavian rock band. Oh, you were asking me about the hives. Yeah. I thought you said the highs.

No, no, the hives. Oh, sure. And the lows, the movie theaters. Oh. The lows movie theaters. Oh, well, the hives, of course, part of the garage rock revival of the early 2000s. Yeah, like Sahara Hot Nights. Sure. The Strokes, others.

Yeah. And, of course, Lowe's, a great place to enjoy the magic of the movies. Do you remember that song by Sahara and Hot Nights that was called, All right, all right, here's my fist, where's the fight? I don't. It sounds great, though. Yeah, it was a fun song. Yeah, of the weird shit that came back, I think that was kind of the last of those. Unless something came back and I didn't know because I'm not as hip.

The last of the popular rock trends? Yeah, yeah. That one was pretty good, and I feel like it has lots of enduring songs. Yeah, got no problem with the garage rock revival. It doesn't com comically dated yeah so it feels good i'm looking at you swing revival yeah oh swing revival sorry thanks sorry rich tackler she she really loves the swing revival now jesse i don't know if you've heard this um this controversy online um and i know this is kind of maybe foreign to you, but, you know, once in a while someone online will have a hot take.

And maybe we can get our guest's opinion on this, too. Yeah. That it is not OK for straight white people to say daddy. Now, I'm wondering, you know, and obviously this affects the kink community who probably uses that in their, you know, sexual parlance. But I think the main people affected by this are swing revival bands. Wow. This is going to be tough for Squirrel Nut Zippers. Well, I mean, I think that, I mean, obviously the two, you know, the two people, the two groups hardest hit by this will be.

Number one, Big Bad Voodoo Buddies. Yeah. And, of course, their tour mates, the Cherry Poppin' Friends. Can I ask a question about this? Okay. Our guest on the program, you know her, of course, is a celebrated stand-up comic and the creator and star of CISO Television's hit series, critically acclaimed series, smash hit television program, Take My Wife.

My arms are both in the air. You've done a pommel horse dismount after your plug. That was just a very nice way of saying that, and it made me feel good. So I raised my hands up. It should. You should feel good about it. This is the last acclaim that you'll ever receive. Prepare for your sophomore slump.

Oh, I don't think you actually said my name. Wait. Cameron Esposito. Yeah. Because you say my name in a very specific way, and I just wanted to hear it. Because I haven't seen you in a minute. Do I say it right or wrong? No, you say it right, but you are... I don't know if you know this about yourself.

Diction is something that you use. The tip of the tongue, the teeth, and the lips. Yeah. You speak specifically. And in stand-up, that's not really a thing. Usually people that are bringing me on stage are not as articulate. Your name is not that complicated. Sure.

I mean, I just mean it's usually, you know, first of all, they have to go against the roar of the audience. Yeah. They got to get the audience ready to see a lady tonight. So they got to pump them up. You guys ready for a lady? A beautiful lady. They got to deal with the roar of the audience. We're talking about Rhea introducing you, by the way.

Plus the roar of the ocean, because we're always outside on the beach. Yeah, right. And then the roar of the lion that I ride in, like Katy Perry at the Super Bowl, but it's a real lion. Wow. Oh, wow. Suck on that, Perry. Do you have to include supplies for the lion in your backstage rider? No, the lion doesn't eat or drink.

Because honestly, you know, animals – I'm a vegetarian, so I just believe animals are not as good as us. And that's why I don't eat them. Because I don't want that in my body. That would be disgusting and dirty. So what you do is you just ride a lion until it dies. That's right. You capture a new lion, ride it on stage until it dies. It dies on the beach.

Yeah. Well, you guys have heard about this sort of a sea lion sort of a thing. That's where that came from. Oh, so these are all of your old lions that have washed out into the waves. That's right. Can I ask you a question about- And they get real smooth from the water. Can I ask you a question-

I wish I knew more of the song, The Circle of Life, than just the circle of life. I mean, I don't think any of those were the notes, but you got the words right. Oh, I sure did. That is the title of the song. He's more of a rice and less of a John. Exactly. Thank you. I'm more of a Samantha.

Got it. I have a question about capturing the lion. Are you taking questions? I'm taking questions i'm taking questions yeah so i imagine it happening like you know how in roman gladiatorial battles yeah one guy has a big sword and one guy has a net and a trident uh the net i'm trying to visualize is it like a pool cleaning net it's like a weighted net it's like a giant flinging flinging net oh oh oh i thought it had like a long cleaning net? It's like a weighted net. It's like a giant flinging net. It's like a flinging net that has little weight on it.

Oh, oh, oh. I thought it had like a long pull on it. No, not like a butterfly net. Okay, I was thinking of a butterfly net. If you were in a gladiatorial type battle and someone did have a pool net and they just dumped wet leaves on you, you would be pretty upset. One dead frog? That'll clear a pool.

June bugs? Just a net full of June bugs? Yeah, so the net. So that's how I'm picturing you capturing them with the trident and the throwing net. But look, I've never captured a lion. I'll do that. I've only shot him stone dead. Hi, I'm a dentist from the place where they shot that lion.

I'll do that. Sometimes I'll just put on the Net starring Sandra Bullock and then the lions will get very calm. They're attracted to it. Yeah. Well, it's America's sweetheart. Yeah. So they'll get very calm. Who doesn't love Sandy? Then I'll, you know, just say come with me if you want to. You know, Jordan co-starred in one of Sandra Bullock's

most legendary films. What was that? It's true. I have two or three lines in All About Steve. Oh! The famous box office bomb which i still receive a check for four dollars every three months was that retitled miss congeniality uh nope this was titled all about steve and released to theaters and quickly forgotten retitled the blind side no no this was this is this movie came out in theaters you may have all of this you're probably wondering why you've never heard of it. Let's be clear. It wasn't

quickly released to theaters. It was released to theaters then quickly forgotten. It was not released to theaters for the first two years or so that it existed. Yeah. Shelved until she won an Oscar. Oh, great. And then it was attached to the Oscar when they mailed out the promotional Oscars.

Who's the other star? Greg Kinnear? Bradley Cooper is also in it. Bradley Cooper. So Bradley Cooper had become more famous since they made it. So they're like, oh, we got this thing with two stars. That is bad. Remember how people are really mad that Bradley Cooper was at the DNC? That was a thing

that made me laugh pretty hard. It seems like people are periodically mad at Bradley Cooper for things. And I can't, he seems to draw higher. I don't know why he did a great job of acting against a plastic baby. You know? You were, of course, talking about the American Sniper scene where he calms what is clearly a Cabbage Patch Kid. It has no weight at all. It's floating up in his arms as if full of helium.

As plastic as that baby is, Cooper is compelling. I've only seen – I've not seen that film. I have seen the clip of the baby. He's great in it. He's a compelling performer. There's no doubt about that. Bradley Cooper is a great American. And I don't care what party he belongs to.

Yeah. He could be out there sniping with Jill Stein for all I care. Look, if he's in the natural law party, that's great to me. If he's Bull Moose, I say Bull Moose away, Bradley Cooper, as long as I get to see those gorgeous choppers. Like Cooper's a keeper is what you're saying? Cooper's a keeper. You got it.

Cameron, did you have some opinions on either the swing revival, the garage rock revival, or whether or not it's okay to say daddy? So the only context that I have for this is actually straight white male comics making jokes about how they are oppressed because they can't – because apparently that's cultural appropriation to say daddy. So I don't know the source. I love that I have – You only have seen the backlash to it. I've only seen little baby adult men crying real sad because they can't use daddy. But I also don't know that they can't.

Hold on. You don't know what it's like to be a straight white guy in this society, Cameron. Number one, people are always trying to take away your speech rights. And I don't know. I can't speak for Jordan. But what I have to say is important. I know it in my heart. Yeah, I get it. I mean, I don't understand. Hold on, Cameron. I've got to. Hold on, Cameron. Hold on. I have some more things to say.

But I think what I do understand is things are being taken away i mean you guys used to have 100 of the things and now so it's just 99 yeah so i i do feel like it's funny because you know the real side of this is all got all the guys that are online or i don't really see to have this conversation with anybody in person but online that are like I feel as if I'm losing something and you know what well yeah I'm tired of talking you out of that you're fucking losing something you are I look I'm gonna give you a quick history lesson and again I I know a lot of things in my is it about your history the history of straight way men because I know all about or is it about her story i was taught about that in school um uh just a quick lesson and this is like also a civics lesson for now did you know that you don't even have in the united states right now you don't even have to

have land to vote i mean that's the kind of shit that's going on right now in ob's America that I am very concerned about. But at the end of the day, if I take one look at Bradley Cooper's gorgeous mug, whether he's making me laugh or making me cry, I don't care about issues. Look, I'm not about issues. At the end of the day, I'm about art. I agree with you. I will say, you know, I do feel like he let down his fans because he broke the illusion of that movie by being a real person with his own independent political views that weren't maybe the views of the character. And I just feel like, you know, that's not what we're doing. You know what I mean? It's not it's never been what we're doing. Like, you know, you're going to play Buffalo Bill. You got to wear some skin. we're doing like you know but cameron you're gonna play buffalo bill you gotta wear some skin that's what i say hammering cameron it's number one your new name is hammering only late at night when i'm drinking beer is that a good thing to say yeah sure number two uh uh number two i think when you're when we're talking about when we're talking about Bradley Cooper, I think to some extent, yes.

Is it a betrayal of the guy from that movie that he pretended to be? That he went to a political convention from a different guy? Yeah, sure. Of course that's a betrayal. But it's not like – if I'm going to care about entertainment and like politics it's got to be about something important like like let's say they make a new version of a movie with women instead of men you know like that's the kind of thing that really matters because among other things

it makes the old movie not exist anymore. And it also can't be good because it's different. And the people are marginally less like me. Well, that's right. And I would also say that, you know, entertainment that includes people that aren't straight white men isn't for straight white men. You know what I mean? It's only a one-to-one ratio. I'd alter that slightly.

Rather than saying entertainment that isn't for straight white men, entertainment that includes people who aren't straight white men isn't for straight white men, I would change that slightly. I would say that it's not entertainment. Right, right, right's not entertainment right right yeah yeah it's more like a homework it's not just that they can't that like you guys wouldn't be able to understand it yeah but it's also that you wouldn't want to understand it yeah it's just active see yourself in there jumbo it's like i'm not gonna go i'm not gonna go to the movie theater and plunk down my 10 bucks to watch a math problem i will also say you know regarding that american sniper, Hubbub, you know...

Is that the name of the baby? The original... The baby's name is Hubbub. I believe the movie itself also was different than maybe some of the source code on that story. Did you guys know that

Groot actually speaks very well and in full sentences? Oh my gosh. When I found that out, I was floored. I mean, listen, you guys know how deep my Groot fandom runs.

As deep as the River Nile. Yeah, I mean, I was... Is that a deep river? As deep as the mighty Mississippi. As deep as the River Nile. Yeah. I mean, I was- Is that a deep river? As deep as the mighty Mississippi. Yeah. Yeah. As deep as the Carlsbad Caverns, I was behind Groot at the gas station. Uh-huh. And, you know, I was like, oh my gosh, here I am.

Yeah. At the gas station with my hero. What is Groot Drive? Scion. Yeah. Okay. Sunroof, so he can stick his tree head up. And I heard him, he put down his money for the cashier.

Uh-huh. Pack of Winstons, he said. Hmm. Really? Which is not something I had been led to believe. Too close to wood, if you ask me. Well, one thing. That too, but more importantly, he said something that wasn't I am Groot.

And I presume that he would smoke Parliaments. Sureaments sure you know i try to be a tough guy here i am hanging with you fellas and you feel like i'm one of you and there's no doubt look cameron we're some of the toughest guys in america right yeah here i try to be a tough guy but when that little baby groot came out oh boy i mean i've never felt more feminine i felt like a mother to that little baby stickot came out, I mean, I've never felt more feminine. I felt like a mother to that little baby stick. That little guy when he was dancing. You wanted to cradle him? I want to kiss that little stick around the face.

Kiss that little stick man? Yeah. Give him a cat? Go have her a catch? What a sweetie, I said. Wait, but can I go back and ask this question? Please. What is that from?

The original prep, not Groot. The original beginning of this conversation oh sure the daddy the daddy oh so okay here's what i think who says this so a are we can we go we're going back to being sincere now right we're sincere yeah okay thank god because i was weird yeah i don't think i could have continued that yeah i was so worried that i was gonna that I was going to just say something too insincere or difficult. It was also, we were being really funny, and I feel like at some point you've got to step away. Yeah, like let's give them... People are in the car.

Yeah. It's going to get dangerous. Sure. I mean, the side splits we must have caused with that jaunt. Right. And if you're going to get dangerous, you're going to want Darkwing Duck around. You got to. So here's what I think happened.

Someone on Twitter who is someone who is kind of like a gawker editor or someone like that, someone in that zone of celebrity, said that it's – who is a – I believe a white woman. I don't know about her sexual orientation. Said that, kind of had a multi-tweet rant, if you will, about how straight white people should not say daddy because it is something

that comes from drag. And the queer community, so when a straight white person says daddy, they are culturally appropriating. So there you are. That's interesting. In what context? I think sexual. I think when you're

getting effed by your straight eff partner, and you're telling your straight F partner to... What does F stand for? I don't know. I was hoping you guys could help me out. I would debate...

Here's what I would debate this on. I would debate this on this. And you know what? I would... If this is wrong, please... Yeah. Politely

give me information over the internet. Somebody recently... Oh, Cameron, that's not how the internet. Somebody recently connected... Oh, Cameron, that's not how the internet works. No, but I've seen it done. Like, within this past week, somebody connected with the McElroy brothers and said, like, you guys are saying slash fic

to mean, like, porn, but it can it can mean a non-sexual story but it can just mean two characters are written together. From the Harry Potter world combines with the tailspin world. Yes. And the way that they said it was very respectful and like hey

I just feel like maybe you guys don't know this and so I'm letting you know that this is actually not a porny thing it can be or it can't be. And then you know that this is actually not a porny thing. It can be. Or it can't be. And then Travis was like, this is a really great way. So someone made a slight reasonable mistake and people didn't tell them they wanted to step on their throat till they die?

Yeah. It was a very cool internet moment. So McElroy's internet deal, this actually happened with us. We were talking about September 11th, and Jordan and I both thought that jet fuel could melt steel beams. But somebody actually

let us know that jet fuel doesn't melt steel beams. And it has to have been an inside job. But go ahead. But it really opened go ahead. Yeah. But it really opened our minds. Sure.

Anyway. Wow. I wasn't expecting the inside job part at the end. So that's why the long pause. Yeah. I know the internet's default when someone gets something wrong is always like, But yeah, there is a nice way to do it. And I think everyone, you know, you would be a real dick to get mad at a nice correction. It just never comes out like that.

Yeah, even actually, like, let's just say you're not saying but or actually, and you're just instead saying, this is information. And if you never change this, I'll still listen to your podcast. That's a cool way to say it, too, because then that person will feel like, oh, we're on the same team. That's a nice thing. I'm not just a random man with an anime avatar who was Googling certain terms. Or an egg avatar. Or an egg. Who's quote tweeting you to just clarify what they think a better joke would be about that.

So I have to immediately block them. Anyway. Egg Avatar, Anime Avatar, and as I learned recently, much to my dismay. Arliss Avatar. I know. It's just so disheartening seeing Robert Wool himself

telling me to choke on his cock. No, Simpsons avatar. I got it really bad recently from some dudes with Simpsons avatars. And there's nothing I like more than the Simpsons. It felt like... Jordan, I might even say... I might even say you really like the Simpsons.

Yeah, I like it a lot. Do you think that was actually Bart Simpson pulling a classic Bart Simpson prank? So I'm his new Moe. Yeah. Did he hop on his skateboard and get out of there? Oh boy, you know what he did.

I should have known it was El Barto himself. Did you hear about the old Mo's testicular cancer? No, I didn't. Yeah, he can't answer the phone anymore physically. Like he physically can't lift it.

So Bart has to find new targets. So the 90s answer to Dennis the Menace has to get on my ass on Twitter, huh? Bart's definitely my favorite Simpsons character. Anyway. Speaking of the Simpsons, there's a dad on that show. Yeah. So, Daddy.

Yeah. My understanding has always been that this word actually has a root in the patriarchy, right? So it's a power play word, right? So there's something about maleness being powerful. And I think that that's a fun thing to play with. Yeah.

I mean, yeah. thing to play with and and uh yeah i mean yeah i mean i understand not you know and i think a twitter meme is to you know go online and to tell the pope fuck me daddy which you know i could see as as you know potentially problematic uh but yeah i guess if you're in the privacy of your own home and you're effing your sweetie you should be able to say whatevs as long as the kids down the street don't hear. So was this only about internet culture? This wasn't like this isn't what you should say in the Betty by time. I think she was saying that you should not say this in Betty by time. Oh, well, that I think is garbage.

Because I do not think we should be patrolling anybody for what they're doing during that time. But I do not think we should be patrolling anybody for what they're doing during that time. I think whatever is happening for you, as long as it's consensual and your partner knows what's going on and they sign up, totally rad. What about that German F1 guy with the Nazi dominatrix thing? Oh, sure. I don't know what you're talking about. From John Ronson's book. This is a great story. This is a German F1 guy.

This is a great story. This is a German F1 guy. He was the boss of all of F1, which in Europe is a huge – it's the biggest sport in Europe other than soccer. Right, right, right. So what happened? So he was caught by a British tabloid reporter at what the tabloid reporter said was a Nazi-themed orgy. Okay. And he came back and sued the paper.

He says this was not a Nazi-themed orgy. This was a German-themed orgy. German military-themed. Yeah. So – and sued the paper. He says this was not a Nazi-themed orgy. This was a German-themed orgy. German military-themed. Yeah. So – and he was right. No swastikas. No one said a Jewish slur. So – So that sounds great then.

Yeah. I mean – I know, right? In some ways. Well, I just – so I guess the question – It sounds great to me. I guess the question is who was harmed. I mean I think – I think the moment there's was harmed. I mean, I think, you know.

I think the moment there's a swastika there, I'm stressed out in a real way. Absolutely. I mean, again, I'm not a Jewish person, so I don't know how I would feel about just hearing accents. But to be fair, Nazis not crazy about lesbians. Oh, yeah. No, true. I mean, we definitely, we got it as well yeah um yeah for real i don't know i mean we're also having this podcast on the day that this anthony wiener stuff happened

oh sure so i feel very much more like i mean so if this is your boss i'm trying to think about the actual implications of that the guy at the nazi themed sex party because it's like if this is your boss and you're me cameron esposito and you're a gay woman then you're like my boss loves to play sex nazi that feels bad right so because of the position that it's in. It's going to make the Friday check-in meeting a little weird. Yeah, that makes that particular. Just keep shuffling papers. Yeah. Sure. So maybe they don't.

Maybe it's not a German military sex party. He's like, hey, guys, I brought bagels, right? Yeah. I brought some bagels for the office. Everybody, grab a bagel. Who wants to talk about race cars and not other things? Because Anthony Weiner, the stuff that he's doing, he no longer is in a position of power. He doesn't hold office.

He's just destroying and messing with his wife's life. Because also- Who is love? Did you guys see the Weiner movie? I didn't watch it. Oh, it's love. She is a lovely person. She seems cool.

And I learned three things. Number one. From the Wiener doc. Called Wiener. Wiener doc is also another thing, too. I bet you've been to one. Sure. You guys ever go to the Wiener doc?

Oh, yeah. Okay, anyway, go ahead. You get a hot dog and then you push your dick into another dick. Number one. Wiener's wife, Huma Abedin, is a lovely person, wonderful,

and she's an asset to the Clinton campaign. I think she's a pretty wonderful person. She seems smart as hell. Two, you get why Wiener

became a famous guy. Seemed like he had his heart in the right place. And you get why he kind of came back after the first one you know and three new york is always having a parade it's just constantly having a parade for a specific thing and fucking wiener gets down there and he marches

in all the parades but i believe that because the first time i ever went to New York City, I was with my first girlfriend. We came out of the subway and we walked into like a Scottish themed parade that was being marshaled by Sean Connery. I don't mean to be rude, but that was a police officer's funeral. It was just groups of people with different tartans on all warming up on the bagpipes at the same time playing different tunes. Good. Unbelievable. Well, it's a good thing the bagpipe only plays that one song. The bagpipe song. I just – I feel like – it's only a mess because – I mean we don't even know anything about their relationship. Maybe they have some sort of arrangement.

But this guy is he needs like coaching. Yeah. I mean, you can't do that. You can't send a picture of you with your son. Oh, boy. Yes. Soup soup's gross and definitely like so on brand for him. Like it's the exact kind of gross shit that people have been watching him.

Like you certainly you want him to do you know it's like wanting homer simpson to say doe you want wiener to right to text a plastic surgery bikini model a shirtless photo with his son in it i wanted him to have a new funny name i feel like he's tommy dong actually oh like car Yeah. Yeah, that would have been fun. Tommy Dong would be good enough. Tommy Dong's great. Yeah, great. I feel like he actually, maybe he's interested in the messiness.

Like maybe that's part of it. Yeah, maybe he sure gets off on the thought of being on TMZ. Because it does feel like there's a lot of precautions you could take. I assume that famous or notable people are generally able to have whatever kind of sex that they want to have. Yeah, there's like a mansion for it. Yeah, there's a mansion for that. It's filthy. Yeah, it's a gross mansion.

It's underneath some sort of cloaking shield. Right. Like that one Star Trek movie where they went to the ice planet. You guys know the one. Sure. Yeah. And this sex mansion you can go into depending on what your IMDB star meter is. Right.

And then you can just do whatever. By the way, mine's on the rise. Yeah. We've heard. I'm pretty close to getting in there. Kelsey Grammer's puma from the 80s lives there, too. The most coked out puma you've ever seen. But outside, like with a chain in the garden.

I wonder how far we are away from this. You know, you get the, oh, the politician, he sexted the Snapchat to the lady. And then you have the press conference and it's him and his doting wife by his side. And she just comes over to the microphone and says, yeah, I was cool with it. We fuck other people sometimes. So get over it. Yeah. So that's the way that you can do it, right?

You could do it that way. You could tell to Swinton it and just be like, this is my husband. This is my boyfriend. I'm beautiful. Get over it. You know, it's.? You could do it that way. You could tell to Swinton it and just be like, this is my husband, this is my boyfriend, I'm beautiful, get over it. When did Swinton do that? Oh, she has like a, she has a husband who's an artist, who's like a fine artist,

I think a sculptor. Tracks for Swinton. And then she has a companion. Oh. Like a male, like a companion that travels with her. I don't know if they're still together,

but for a while. And he was young, so the artist artist husband is like 20 years older companion like 20 years younger so she was she would she was just like it's not a problem for us also my husband is like older than me and it's hard for him to travel and he doesn't really want to come so then i just have this other man this is my companion my travel man and then people were like yeah we get it yeah you're a beautiful alien yeah do whatever you want yeah i don't think that really falls into a beautiful alien exemption you think like even another beautiful person who wasn't like if julia roberts said that you'd be like, okay. But you wouldn't be like, of course. Whereas if even like Christopher Walken said that, you'd be like, yeah, I guess that's how Christopher Walken does it. Jeff Goldblum.

If Jeff Goldblum said some shit like that, you'd be like, yeah, okay. I would be shocked if Jeff Goldblum says I am totally monogamous. Right. That would be the shocking thing. Or not on a spectrum. That guy has done all. Oh, Goldblum has lived. Goldblum has lived.

That guy's fucked a mushroom. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm thinking about it right now. He's fungus. He has fucked a beautiful piece of outsider art. But I would say it's fucked a sculpture by a hillbilly. Huma is very, very beautiful.

She's very, very, very beautiful. Huma is way better looking than Wiener. She's super beautiful. And I also think that the thing with politicians is that unfortunately we run on morality here in this country, which is dumb. I run on morality. Apparently you guys think it's okay to objectify. Oh, is dumb. I run on morality. Apparently, you guys think it's okay to objectify. Oh, the moral. I run on Duncan.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, I made myself a cheeseburger. I like it a lot. HelloFresh is great. Each week, they create new delicious recipes with step-by-step instructions designed to take around 30 minutes. That's half an hour. Yeah. Yeah. You could fit two of them in one hour. Sure.

You can cook while simultaneously glancing over at an episode of either BoJack Horseman or Cameron Esposito's new show that I assume is like a half an hour. Yeah, it's probably roughly a half an hour for purposes of syndication. That's right. Anyways, so you make these meals. It takes around a half an hour. Everybody from novices to seasoned home cooks will love these recipes. They deliver it to your doorstep in a special insulated box. It does have a very nice box. The box is great.

There's all sorts of cold packs in there. The meat is cold. The veggies are fresh. It's great. Jordan, I'm on the fence about HelloFresh. And I'm not on the fence about HelloFresh. I cooked that nice cheeseburger. But in this scenario, me, your host, beloved podcaster Jesse Thorne, am not beloved podcaster Jesse Thorne.

I'm some rube who wouldn't know a good deal if it bit him on the behind. I'm on the fence about this because it sounds great to have a convenient meal delivered right to my door in a very nice box. Yeah. However, I'd like a little something extra. You want a little juice to get you over the edge. A little soup salt, something special. A little Hawaiian sea salt sprinkled on top. Here's what you do.

You go to HelloFresh.com. Okay, makes sense so far. And while you're checking out, you use the offer code CHORT and you get $35 off your first order. So all I have to do is go to HelloFresh.com and use the offer code CHORT while I'm checking out and I'll get $35 off.

But then I won't get the delicious meals delivered to my door. No, you will. So I'll get the meals plus $35 off just for knowing the special Jordan Jesse Go Inside Joke Chort? Yes. At HelloFresh.com? HelloFresh.com. Chort? Chort. So I'll get the meals plus $35 off just for knowing the special Jordan, Jesse, go inside joke. Chort. Yes. At HelloFresh.com.

HelloFresh.com. Chort. Chort. HelloFresh.com. Chort. Chort. Yes. We'll be back in just a and his show, Getting Curious.

How do you pick something that's going to be on Getting Curious? My only prerequisite is that I actually need to be curious about it. It seems like there is really no question that you won't ask. That is correct. I'm a fearless Katie Couric in that way. Getting Curious, the show about everything. Download it wherever you get podcasts. And if the Martha Stewart of Max Fun tells you to download a podcast,

you just got to do it. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, the ghost of John McLaughlin. Jordan Morris, daddy. Cameron Esposito, daddy to Jordan's daddy. Ooh, you're double daddying, Jordan. I'm the grandfather. I'm the grandpa. Thanks for that Christmas check, granddaddy.

You're welcome. Is that appropriating from our nation's seven-year-olds? Yeah, sorry. Sorry I'm seven-playing. You have something on your mind, Jesse. Something you need to get off your chest? I went on a brief. So I got this cabin.

My wife and I got this cabin for family stuff. And, oh, by the way, I have not mentioned this on Jordan, Jesse Goe. It was mentioned on One Bad Mother and on – oh, no, we did mention it. Yeah. Yeah, we mentioned it because I hadn't told you beforehand. Yeah. I remember that now. Teresa's pregnant. Oh, no, we did mention it. Yeah. Yeah, we mentioned it because I hadn't told you beforehand. Yeah. I remember that now. Teresa's pregnant.

Oh, congrats. No problem. Thank you. No problem. It was not a problem. We're giving the world more of what we got. A smooth process. But anyway, we got this cabin.

I went up to the cabin to bring some furniture this weekend. I was there for like 12 hours, just me and my dog Coco. What's the drive? What's the drive like? What are you looking at? 3.45. Pretty good. You got to drive pretty far to get to the Jesse Can Afford to Buy Cabin range.

That's your main qualification. Oh, you own it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we bought this cabin. And I managed, and this is the things that i did wrong on this trip to the cabin uh first of all i drove there you know 3 45 four hours something like that the last 10 miles are up this super mindy uh windy mountain road i'm about five miles up that super windy mountain road when i realized I did not bring the keys.

So I'm four hours into the drive. But luckily, Rhea Butcher was with you. She had her all tool, and you were like, oh, she'll be able to break in in a snap. Oh, wow. Does your wife, Rhea, always carry an all tool? Yeah, I don't know what that is. But yeah, no, she's like, she's who you want to be with in that situation. I would love to be with Rhea Butcher in almost any situation.

Right, right, right. Baseball game? Yeah, Cleveland Indians game. Yes, exactly. Cavs. Oh, she's throwing out a first pitch on Labor Day. What? Where?

She's going at Cleveland Baseball, which is what I'm allowed to call them in our household. Right, that's the best name. Or the Spiders, you can call them the Spiders. She's throwing out a first pitch for Cleveland baseball on September 5th hell yeah that's pretty good I know

I'm so excited for her and stressed did she now I saw maybe what were the beginnings of an internet campaign yeah she kind of

campaigned for it then they were like okay yeah hell yeah they're like yeah well the branch manager from the Bank of America

that sponsored bobblehead nights doing it so I guess you're an actual talented person. Actually, you know what's wild is, like, they're doing so well this year. Yeah. I don't know what to say after that besides that they're doing well. I don't have any other, like, baseball talk.

We will not press you for more details. They're at the top of the division. Now, obviously, this is maybe something more to ask her about. ask her about, but maybe you can weigh in a little bit. I mean, obviously when a bad first pitch, a wild first pitch, is something that can go viral in this day and age of the internet. Well, Rhea plays on a baseball team. She does. So we're not concerned about a 50 cent style wild pitch.

The concern here, my concern, if I could share a concern with you so that you get worried about it on real estate. I'm already worried. Is that she gets- Drafted. Sometimes, yeah. And then minor league baseball players are paid less than minimum wage. Did you know that's actually true? I did not know that.

Minor league baseball players get paid the equivalent of $4 an hour at the lower levels. What? I got in a Twitter fight with Penn Jillette's wife about this. I mean, I guess the only benefit is that they get to sleep with Susan Sarandon. Yeah. It's pretty good. I mean. I'll take it.

Yeah. No price too small. Or however you would put that in words. Still looks good. My concern here is that she's going to get too big for her britches. She's going to want to go full wind up. And she's going to, like Icarus, fly too close to the sun. Hubris.

It's not going to be a lack of skill that takes her down. It's going to be hubris. She's going to try and throw a splitter. No, I hear you. I hear you. She's trying to find people to actually do pitching practice with, like real pitching practice at a field and do the full distance and everything. And I think that's going to be really good. And then on the day, I think my job will just be to tell her to cool it out.

Don't worry about it. If she doesn't get on the team this year, there's always next year, you know. Have you seen the picture of our friend and probably yours, comedian Jimmy Pardo, throwing out the first pitch for the Chicago White Sox? No. He looks like he's never seen a baseball in his life. Jimmy's a lifelong baseball fan and not a bad athlete. But just this still photograph which ran in the Chicago Sun-Times. Amazing.

He literally looks like it's as though someone – yeah, he might as well be Portuguese. Did you see Judd? Judd's picture? Judd Apatow's picture when he threw out a first pitch from the Nets? Oh, I assumed you were talking about Judd Hirsch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was thinking Nelson. That is amazing.

Three different Judds. Yeah. Christian's already got the picture of Jimmy up there. God bless Jimmy. Judd Apatow looks like he's throwing some serious heat. He is in full... Whatever photographer got him, they got him in flagrante. Yeah, they got him right in the middle of it.

Wait, so in flagrante, this whole thing plus his dick is out? Oh, wow. No, but it's an amazing photograph that you should also see. Just because it's real serious. He's really, really, really committed. I would love what I'm picturing when I picture Rhea doing this is Rhea, especially from a distance, does not necessarily look like an athlete. Like she's pretty slight of build. She's tiny, yeah. Pretty small. Like she doesn't look like,

she doesn't look like she would be like, like most women softball players are like huge. Right, right. By no means all, but like they all look like they're like strong. Well, she plays baseball. Yes. I know, I know, I know.

I already said that. I know, I know. But but i'm just saying she does have baby group bod for sure my point is all the way my point is what a cute bod if the if if those 20 000 people filing into their seats have an idea of a woman who's good at throwing a baseball it ain't gonna be her it's not gonna her. And so when she throws it good, it's going to be great. No, you're right. That's totally going to be great. I will say Rhea makes me watch a zillion amounts of baseball. And one thing that I really love talking about is how there doesn't seem to be a fully standard baseball body. At this point in the rest of sports, there's like a kind of standard golf bod.

I went with golf first. Standard. It's the top sport. Standard basketball bod. I know everybody in here prefers ladies romantically, but I think we can all agree we love those golf bods. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those golf bods. Polo. Slacks. Tuck it. T yeah, yeah. Those golf bods. Polo.

Slacks. Tuck it. Tuck it tight. Tuck it deep. Right into those slacks. Golf bods. What is weird about baseball? If you want to mess with this boy, get you a visor.

Okay? Get you a visor. The weird thing about baseball is that none of them look like they can play baseball. There's not a single man out there that looks like they were supposed to do. Because some of them are super flexed out, and they look like they can't get the bat around that fast. And then some of them are super duper skinny, and then that's the pitcher. And then there's also a pitcher that looks like Bartola. It might be the belly itcher, to be fair.

I mean, yeah. A lot of them look like they could be professional bass fishermen. There's just such a large variation. And I feel like that's how it used to be in all sports. But then everybody started training for this like ideal bod. You know, like looking at all the swimmers that were at the olympics and and it's the only variation is like whether they have 17 abs or 18 if it's like even or odd slim triangle men yes uh something that i noticed a little sports world that i will take a

detour in occasionally is i have some friends who are into the UFC, the ultimate fighting. Oh, yes, blood sport. Yes. Right. Yes, exactly. The Kumite, if you will. And, boy, there are a variety of UFC bods as well. Sometimes it'll be a guy who looks like he is about to fight Van Damme in 1992 after he wraps his hands in gauze, dips them in glue, and then glass. Throw dust in the eyes.

Yes. All about the dust in the eyes. So you'll have one of these guys who looks like he's a henchman or something like that. And then you will just have like a high school football coach fight him. So yeah. I was at the flea market the other day and I was looking at pins and little doodads for the Put This On shop. And I'm talking to this guy and he's telling me, oh, you know, I live in Chico or something like that. And I drive down or Fullerton or, you know, whatever.

And he's like, oh, and I'm studying to be a nurse. And I'm thinking like this guy's like 31 years old. Like this is really interesting that this guy is here at the flea market selling doodads and studying to be a nurse. And also he was the like just this this bass fishingist guy you could ever hope to see. And somebody else said like, oh, you know, what did you what did you used to do? And he said, I was a cage fighter. What the fuck? What is this guy?

I think you just have to be strong and not care about your own death. I think if you have those two things, you could probably make it pretty far. In the flea market game. Yes, exactly. Which is what they call the modern blood sport. Yeah. I want to know what you did when you were four hours away outside that cabin. Well, have I got news for you?

Well, first of all, a friend of my mom's had gone down to bring – so my mom's a furniture dealer. So a friend of my mom's had delivered some furniture to the cabin the previous night and spent the night because it was a long drive. And I thought like, oh, maybe he, maybe he's still there. So I went up and he wasn't still there. So then I thought, well, maybe he hasn't gotten too far. So I went to the neighbor's house and called him and he was in Modesto.

So that wasn't happening. But then I remembered my ace in the hole. Folks, that's Skip. Skip's our other neighbor. Cabin neighbor. Cabin neighbor. He lives there. His grandparents or great-grandparents founded the town.

He's the town builder. Oh, so you're from East Skipsburg then. Yeah. So I went over to Skip's place and knocked on the door. Skip was there drinking white wine in his underpants. Hell yeah. Man, Skip has it figured out. Skip has not – I've interacted with Skip like four times.

He's offered me a drink within 10 seconds of me interacting with him every time. And I'm talking about all times of day, all contexts. I believe that though and I'm going to tell you why. If I meet you in the mountains with that facial hair. Because if I meet you here in your office where you work. I mean, we know each other. Right. But let's say I don't know you.

I walk up here. That's what I would prefer. I meet you with this facial hair. I just think you're a fancy man. Right. If I meet you in the woods, I. You think I want a beer. Alcohol. I feel like you want a beer. At one point. Or just that you've been out man right if i meet you in the woods i you think i want a beer alcohol i feel like you want a beer at one point or just that you've been out there for a while sure you

know like it's like i had declined i had declined to drink in one of our interactions i had declined to drink and let him know that i don't drink and uh skip said um skip said a few minutes later he's like oh you know today is the big uh horseshoe tournament you should come down and uh uh play horseshoes in the big horseshoe tournament because this is very like 100 houses in this town so you should come and i'm thinking like yeah fuck yeah i'll go play and he goes yeah but we just drink beer the whole time. You don't want to do it. Dodging wayward horseshoes thrown by drunks. Yeah, like apparently, A, they start at 10 and drink all day.

And B, they're super fucking serious about it. And B, they're super fucking serious about it. Well, but you're – as a human being who doesn't drink, this is a scenario I'm sure you've encountered before. Well, I'm not trying to pole hustle them. No, I know. I just mean it is funny. Oh, but I'm not talking about – When people say like – But like when – it's fine when people are drinking socially.

But when people are drinking because that's the activity, then it's less fine. Got it. So he was like the point of it is drinking. The point of it is to drink as much as you can over the course of one day. Then I think what would happen is that you would win the horseshoe tournament. Skip's about 50, by the way. But you get Skip's house after that. Yeah, you get Skip's house and a night with Mrs. Skip.

Or Mr. Skip. Mrs. Skip is very nice. She's clearly had a lifetime of accommodating Skip. And then it comes out later that that motherfucker was sober the whole time. He was drinking Soty Pop. And that's why he could throw those shoes so good it's the that town's doping scandal while i was asking skip i thought skip probably had an extra key to my house because i knew that he had helped the people who owned my house before and it's like ah sure i do i watch you sleep i'm in

there right now uh i went over there to ask what i've rubbed my balls on While I was asking Not only was Skip there in his briefs His wife threw something on top of him And then he put on some pants And he says I dressed up fancy just for you Oh boy Skip is fun But Skip

While I was asking for a key I got stung by a bee Skip got stung by a bee I got stung by key, I got stung by a bee. Skip got stung by a bee. I got stung by a bee. You got stung by a bee. I managed to get myself stung by a bee while asking for a spare key. And he had one, so I got in. And then I stepped in poop twice in a six-hour time period.

What kind of poop was this? One was- Skip poop. My dog got freaked out up there, pooped in the middle of the floor in the middle of the night. I sort of woke up, wondered why it smelled like poop. I'm sorry that I'm talking about poop for people who are uncomfortable with that, but it's just the reality of my life, okay? I woke up at 3 o'clock in the morning, thought, the room smells like poop. What's going on?

Turned on the light, looked around, Didn't see it. Went back to bed. Got up in the morning. Poop foot. Stepped in it with my foot. Oh, with your foot. With my foot. I'm sorry to hear that. Then stepped in.

That's terrible news. So I had to put my foot in the sink. That is bad news. It was awful. It was like one of the worst things that's ever happened to me. I don't like this story. If my dad hadn't once stepped on and killed my hamster with a barefoot, I would not. I would think that this was the worst thing that had ever happened to someone's foot.

I hate those stories equally. No, I hate the hamster. But then, like literally three hours later, I stepped in poop again, but not with barefoot this time, with my shoe. So I guess the moral of the story is that I'm a real city slicker. I think that's what's going on with me. This is the first part of the late 80s cabin movie that you're in. This is your Doc Hollywood. I know.

I'm a regular Chevy Chase. Man, you don't want to hear what the raccoons are saying to each other about you. What a knucklehead they're saying. We got to get that fancy trash of his. Chit-chat. Probably all brie and caviar. My tiny eight-pound chihuahua got stung by a bee, which was the saddest experience. Not Murph the Durf.

I know. It was the saddest. We were not close to my house. We were on like a longer walk. And he just made a otherworldly ghoul sound. And I knew that we weren't watching Ghostbusters. So I looked down and a little bee was flying away from his foot. And I have no idea. With a guilty look on its face. Well, I didn't do anything. Puss, puss, puss. Off to die. I didn't know. They die when they get stuck. Like, what if he's allergic? I mean, first of all, he immediately, like, was holding his one foot so sad. So I knew it was, like, not okay.

Did you have his EpiPen? I did not have his EpiPen. They're too expensive. Dog pen. You had his Viagra, right? Here, it's okay. Take this Viagra, right? Here, it's okay. Take this Viagra. I ran with him to my house and then like threw him in the car and then called the vet and

was like, I'm on my way over with my dog and whatever. And it was, I mean, if I, if I didn't love him so much, it would have been funny to watch a dog emergency. Sure. Right. Because I came in and was like holding him and they were like, we've been expecting you like out of the way to everybody else that was just waiting for the regular like vet time like this wait take your sick iguana and shove it up your ass yeah like just putting him through him on a stretcher and started pounding through double doors exactly it was that level of

bird people then they then they only take him through one set of doors. And the stinger was still in there. So they had to take it out. And so I had to hear his sad, sad noises. He was so sad. And then they gave him a cortisone shot. So he was okay. That's nice.

It was. So he could come back in the second half. Yeah. So here's the. That's not what it is come back in the second half yeah so here's the that's not what it is not a cortisone shot what's the other one Benadryl yeah

they gave him a cortisone shot in his cartilage so he was fine they iced him down got it yep here's the as long as we're pitching movies

based on these experiences some icy hot some tiger balm they did like a quick arthroscopic surgery and it was fine they cleaned out some bone spurs. Yeah, it was no big deal.

Right. So here's the movie based on this. Jesse, you've got a delightful Doc Hollywood situation going on. Maybe you'll marry Woody Harrelson or something. I forget what happens in that movie. Can I throw in one thing about my delightful Doc Hollywood situation? Yeah. I appreciated everyone, but I don't need your unwanted VHS tapes.

I sincerely appreciate it, but literally like a dozen people have offered me VHS tapes since I announced that we have a TV VCR at our cabin. It's a great, it's a sweet thought. I got more VHS tapes than I need. I really only needed the hunt for Red October. Okay, go ahead, Jordan. Cameron. Yeah. I get stung by a bee.

See the bee fly off. Get into the hospital. Doctor comes out covered in blood. Right. It's like, how is he doing, doctor? This is you. How is he doing, doctor? He's like, well, he's stable, but to really cure him, we're going to need the bee.

And then you have to hunt down the bee. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. That's a great. here's how i thought you were gonna go with it first of all i love that's that is a better pitch than what i was gonna say i thought you were gonna say that was a radioactive bee he's half bee oh and then you know then he's a cry a dog comes a real bumble boy yeah he's a dog bee hybrid bumble boy as you know he's a dog-bee hybrid bubble boy. As you know, he's flying around. He's got his cape, but still regular dog intelligence.

And we'll tie the two movies in together because I think we all love a shared universe. Right. You come out in the middle of the night, squish, barefoot, turn on the light. Ah, I got a foot full of honey. He made honey on the floor. This dog poops honey. Yeah. I don't know where honey comes from.

I think it comes from dog poop. Yeah. Well, B, hybrid dog poop anyway. At the very least, where does Skip fit into all this? Skip? Yeah. Oh, so, okay, if we are going shared universe, Marvel style, we tease him at the end of Cameron's movie. He's kind of like the Thanos.

Right. So he'll be the bad guy in 10 years. Thanos, the hands of Cameron's movie. He's kind of like the Thanos. So he'll be the bad guy in ten years. Thanos the hands of fate? Yeah. That's the one. Got it. So yeah, I think he's the big bad. Right? And then you guys have to team up to kill Skip. Plus he's got a weird chin. Got a weird chin, and then

yeah, you'll kill him. I sure do know Thanos. Oh, I mean, if we're talking I mean, who'd think?. I sure do know Thanos. Oh, I mean, if we're talking, I mean, who, love him. What a weird chin. Yeah. Yeah. Can I tell you about my weird place that I drove recently? Yeah, where did you drive, Jordan?

I drove out to the high desert to visit the Integratron. Have you guys heard of this? No. Oh. So this is a structure built out kind of in Palm Springs. This is maybe like a two-ish hour drive east from L.A. And it is a dome out in the desert where you take a sound bath. Oh, boy.

The Integratron is – so you have to make reservations. It's open at weird hours. It's only open a couple of days a month to do a sound bath. And every time I go on the website, it's all booked up. But this time when I went on the website – because, my God, I got a couple of days off. I should probably head out there and do that sound bath that I've been meaning to do. I go on the website. There's reservations.

Oh, my God, this is great. And I'm like, oh, I wonder why this isn't booked up. It's the summertime. It's vacation time. I'm like, oh, I wonder why this isn't booked up. It's the summertime. It's vacation time. I'm like, oh, yeah, it's fucking Burning Man this weekend. So everyone who would be taking the sound bath is going out to Burning Man. This is great. And this is a different place from that dildo RV.

This is the same zone as the dildo RV. Okay. Years ago, Jordan went to a dildo RV. Mm-hmm. It was an art installation. Can I Years ago, Jordan went to a dildo RV. Mm-hmm. It was an art installation. Can I ask you, did you go by yourself to get a sound bath?

I did go by myself to get a sound bath. You are more interesting than I thought you were. Thanks? I have baseline thought you were pretty interesting.

Sure. But also a normal guy. Sure. You know what I mean? You got normal guy vibes. Yeah. If somebody had said to me, who do you think you know that took a sound bath by themselves i would say oh probably my hairstylist pony because he's got a lot of face tattoos yeah yeah i actually picked pony up halfway

halfway there he was hitchhiking uh yeah i mean i think i think i feel like i am done waiting on flaky people to do a thing that i want to do i I love that. I feel like I, if I want to, I feel like I'm, and I kind of like the solo time, honestly. So, yeah, I feel like I'm, these past couple years, I've been doing a lot of solo vacations. That's been lovely. That's great. A lot of solo road trips because I'm done. Hey, if you're out there and you're my friend and you say, oh, we should do something and then you're busy, I'm done waiting for you. Yeah, because you're worth it.

I'm totally worth it. And yeah. I do want to see Pete's Dragon, but I just feel like I should take Simon if I'm going to go see Pete's Dragon. Well, I'm seeing Pete's Dragon on Thursday. So if you're not there, I'm sorry. I'm seeing it by myself and I'm having a great time. Because you know who's good company? Me.

I just have a five-year-old, so I feel like if I'm going to go to see Pete's dragon, I don't want to go without him. No, I get that. Okay, thanks, Jordan. Maybe Jordan would dress up like a dragon? That sounds terrifying. Well, no. At the end of the movie, you guys go. So basically, Jordan sits three rows behind you.

At the end of the movie, you're like. He jumps out, grabs sits three rows behind you at the end of the movie he jumps out grabs Simon and runs that's right he goes we live in the woods now Simon's like we actually have a house there

anyway my point is how was it so okay so here's what here's the sound bath so the premise of this place was it is

a nut built it in the 50s because he had the plans beamed into his head by men from Venus. Yes. But weirdly, men are from Mars. That's true. Yeah. We didn't know that at the time.

We didn't know that. Advancing technology. I understand. Yeah. So he had the plans beamed into his head by Venus people. And he had to create this dome that was supposed to be a kind of Venusians. I call them Venus people. Sorry, I'm not PC.

I call it the Venetian in Vegas. We all call it something different. Sorry if I'm not woke enough for you PC justice warriors. You fudged that up. did i i fudged it up pc justice warriors is the is a combination of two alt-right insults and i love it you know what i mean listen you're all cucks you're all a bunch of cucks that's uh sorry if i don't know all your fancy slangs that you learned at your liberal arts love-ins. Bunch of cucks. They should play in a different baseball league.

That's what I think. Go ahead, Jordan. What's that? They don't like the low wages of minor league baseball. Oh, okay. They should go play in a different. I agree with Penn Jillette's wife on this one. I blocked Penn Jillette's wife.

on this one. I blocked Penn Jillette's wife. So Venus people beamed the beamed the plans into this guy's head to create a dome

that was meant to be a gateway into space and time or something and also the Indians are involved.

Is Penn Jillette's wife named Jillette for her? Yeah. Anyway. She has a lubricating strip for your sensitive areas. For a woman's sensitive skin. So it's changed hands and apparently it was

built in an area of the desert that was a place where aliens would land in the 50s if they needed to visit Southern California. Yeah, I don't know where they land these days.s if they needed to visit. At the time? Southern California. Yeah, I don't know where they land these days. Well, they landed out there because the Rat Pack was about to happen. You know why.

There was like the golden age of mid-century modern architecture. I can see why the aliens would land out there. A lot of teak. Oh, for sure. But now you go in. So I got there a little bit early and got to enjoy a lovely hour or so in the hammock garden, which is a collection of hammocks around a central pole. Was it insanely hot? It was very hot, yes.

But they had little triangular water cups. Like those cone-shaped ones? Oh, yeah. Oh, I love those little cones. Me too. How do you guys feel about hammocks? I fucks with hammocks. I got a hammock in my backyard.

That's like the only thing that I like. That's like the only thing I like in the entire world. I feel like a hot tub is more my scene. And I know that sounds weird saying that, but those are the same thing. You know what I mean? Both of them are for to float in. Well, one you can pee in. That's why it's better.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I love a hammock. I am afraid that when I get to a point in my life to where I own a hammock, I will stop trying to achieve. Like I will just...

Yeah, I mean, that's where I'm at. If you wanted to speed that up just put one in your office i just found a hammock in the closet of my fucking uh cabin i'm gonna be going to the cabin and then hammocking there i'll never leave that sounds so i'm just gonna give up so anyway hammock garden we all go into the we all go into the dome and uh you and so this was part of what was awkward about being there alone, was that people, so part of the dome is that it is a sonically perfect area. Like a lot of indie rock bands will record there, like your Edward Sharps'. Awesome.

If you've got a band with more than 10 guys, you've recorded a song there. Got the word magnet in the name. Yeah., you recorded a song there. Got the word magnet in the name. Yeah. You're recording a song. If you've got kind of a hot barefoot lady who plays the French horn, you have recorded a song in this place. If you've got guitars and robes. Yeah. You know what's weird?

All I want to do now that you're saying this is just to stand up there. I bet it's sonically perfect. Yeah. Just go record just a tight set man yeah nice tight five in the in a doorway but that exists with outside of space and time yeah you kill in doorways outside of space and time that's like those are your there's no way to really tell is there yeah that's true maybe you did great maybe you didn't uh so you uh so you go in and uh and so it's a what kind of what happens is if, if

you're standing on one end and I'm standing on the other, we can have a conversation at this volume and we'll hear each other. So like at the science museum. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Same principle. So, uh, so everybody was doing that with each other and I was just by myself and I didn't have anybody to whisper talk to.

I feel like I just wanted to find like, like like another like just lone dude who was walking around and just just wanted to stand just wanted to talk about season six of the simpsons yeah just like stand like stand across from him do like did you see that new star trek movie it was pretty good i know a lot of people don't like the jj abrams one but i think they're a lot of fun i'm not the biggest star trek fan but you know i mean i people don't like the J.J. Abrams one, but I think they're a lot of fun. I'm not the biggest Star Trek fan, but, you know, I mean, I liked it. I watched some TNG growing up, but, I mean, I think they're a lot of fun. I mean, they're a reliable summer fare. That would be my dream, if that.

What's your favorite Star Trek movie? It's Star Trek IV, right? Yeah. There's the snow one where they can cloak the ship. I forget which one that is. This whisper talking is going to be so problematic for people that are at work while they're listening to this. Yeah. Sensual.

Relaxing. Did they get Romulan technology? I kind of forget. I think they got Romulan technology. I mean, I know you guys were talking about Star Trek. It feels like a turn off. Please send your corrections to Ben and Adam from The Greatest Generation. Are you listening at work?

Hide your arousal from your boss. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's like a problem. They don't understand how arousing this is. They're going to have to pause. Your throbbing member. Skip 30 seconds. Skip 30 seconds.

Your throbbing member of Juicy Meat Curtains could be a problem for your employment prospects. Skip ahead to a less sexual. I was just going to ask you what you said as if I hadn't heard it. Did you just? It's best not to. I had to pick gross names for both parts. I'm going over it. I had to pick gross names for both parts.

There are other types of parts too. Did you enjoy? Gender is a social construct. Yes. Certainly. Sure is, Daddy. Send your corrections to Adam and Ben from The Greatest Generation. You had a question.

Oh, what else happened? So you didn't drive out there just to whisper. So there's just a general free time where you can whisper to the people you came with. And in my case, I was just trying to kind of hang around and pick up other stray whispers. It felt a little bit creepy, but I had no choice. Were you using one of those ear horns? God, I wish. I wish I had an old-time Mary Poppins ear horn.

That would be great. So then you lay – I bet even a bugle would work if it's this – If you turn it backwards, did you have a bugle? God, I turn it backwards Did you have a bugle? Did you have any corn stacks? Oh man Imagine how loud a corn nut Would be in that situation

You could deafen Everyone in there If you hit it with that back Incisor Boom And then you lay down on mats Covered by Hit it with that back incisor. I know what you're talking about. Boom, boom, boom, boom. So, and then you lay down on mats covered by, surprise, Indian blankets. And then a nice man who probably fried his brain in the 60s comes in.

And he tells you the story of the aliens and fucking believes it. Just totally believes it. Is not saying that he, yes, people from Venus came. This is a time – this place exists outside of time and space. You will travel to other dimensions while you're here. Just really lays it out for you. And he's like, I'm going to play a series of tones and at the end I'm going to play some while you meditate. And then I'm going to play a series of tones. And at the end, I'm going to play some while you meditate. And then I'm going to play some recorded music. And then while the recorded music is on, that's your signal to get up whenever you're ready and exit.

I feel like I wanted to, while everyone was meditating, go up to him and just say, hey, I'll give you 80 bucks to make that recorded music kickstart my heart. I will give you 80 fucking dollars. So yeah, so then you kind of lay on this Navajo blanket. You know what I would say? I'll give you $100 for a dead alien. Come on, let me touch it. And then you lay on these blankets, and this guy plays a series of tubs with these batons.

And he kind of rubs it along the edge. He rubs the baton on the edge of the tub, and it makes a sound, a variety of sounds that all sound like just an auto-tuned version of Chewbacca. And you do this for like an hour, and you meditate. And then he puts on a recorded music that is like Enya. And then you go. And I really liked it. I did not...

I did travel outside time and space for a little bit. I didn't see like, you know, my future kids who I was going to marry. But I did see that the Justice League movie is going to be pretty uh i did see that the just the justice league movie is going to be pretty good oh cool which is surprising because the dc universe has been a little disappointing on film up until now but i saw that justly is going to be pretty good i've only

traveled outside of time and space once it was similar it was like a meditation thing um and yeah it's weird you don't get the insights you would expect to get. Like, I really wanted to know basically what my child that's going to be born is like. And I didn't find that out. But I did find out that Tony Danza still got it. Like, sexually? You know, in my younger days, coming up in Chicago as a comic, there isn't an entertainment industry there. So you are mixed in with, especially if you're an alt comic, as we all are in this room. I'm more of a storyteller.

Yeah, you guys are radio hosts. It's fine. My point is we're all in that space. We would have known each other there. I'm like a deaf comedy jam type guy yeah yeah okay all right um we're splitting hairs yes so you if you're into just alternative culture and art making you know everybody yeah and everybody is very weird kind of a thing because they're all because the biggest payoff isn't money or selling a show the biggest payoff is like being cool and making legit mind-blowing stuff yeah so

i know about this i have a 21 year old brother who lives in chicago so i know exactly where i've conversed with yeah yeah it's a real thing uh it's a real thing and so you know i spent all this time doing stand-up there and all my friends were i had friends who were comics but a lot of my friends were i was in the circus as you guys know we've talked about this before with a bunch of other people who that was their job their main job and then i also had a bunch of friends who were an adult cheer squad and then i had a bunch of friends who were like in the derby and then I had a bunch of friends who were like in the derby and then for a while I dated a yogi who was 10 years older than me. And she – Now when you say a yogi, are you talking about a yoga practitioner or a cartoon bear?

She was a practitioner of yoga. She was like the best – Or a malaprop spouting baseball legend. She was – Right, right. Great question. She was the – she taught this class that all the queer women in Chicago went to. It was on Sunday nights. And I went for a little while and then –

Was this while you were dating her or did you go – I went like – and then she – Took a shine. She dated only much younger women and then also like paid for everything. I mean I was like a young – I had nothing and I kind of lived with my sister and like a – and then I lived by myself in an apartment that was like $300 a month. How much younger were you? Ten. Ten years. Ten years.

Ten years. So she had like a condo. I wanted 25 she had a condo that was like oh like nothing was in it except for like statues and why do we need all this yes you know exactly exactly and like wicker baskets she bought us like ballroom dancing lessons that we took from an instructor at her house. It was very... My point is, it was not a good

fit. She was a nice person and it was really fun. She was hot. But it was not a good fit as a relationship. Nice. My point is... Hey, Cameron. My point is, I really feel like nice my point is i really feel like hey jordan yeah pretty cool

hey uh christian nice i feel like i really you know i just feel like i missed a couple sound baths you know like we were you know like that that would have been that would have been because it was like everything like i mean this was now it's now it's all all professional sports this was like 15 years ago or whenever this was so she was into cupping at the time which was made so popular this year at the olympics and also wherever she is now she's rolling her eyes at all these johnny lately cuppers right and then the chinese are like well we have been doing this for eons but um since a dynasty that starts with x yeah but she was into like all that stuff and like ate only mung beans that were like grown and my point is i've done some of this traveling that you guys are talking about sure a lot of it yeah and seen i know the bowls that you're talking

about but yeah the whole thing and you know the bulls that you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The whole thing. And, you know, you just leave different parts of yourself. You try on, before you, you know, if you're going to be with somebody, and some people aren't going to be, you know, they don't want that or they're not, whatever. If you're going to be with somebody, you try on a bunch of different selves to see what works before you get there. Turns out I'm going to be the wife of a professional baseball player. But, you know, I tried on a lot of different means. A shortstop.

You're the wife of the new Omar Vizquel. Shortstop for the Cleveland Indians. But for a while, I was like, maybe I'm a kept woman, you know, by this yogi. And that's my life. I mean, that does seem like a skin it would be a pleasure to Don Van Shed. Oh, yeah. I mean, she was,

you know, adjusting my body, giving me, you know, just like, if you just, if you just do this stretch, you're going to feel.

Yeah. Hey, if there's any ladies out there who want to keep a doofus, that's what I'm saying. I would love to be a kept doofus. You know, something I like about kind of poking around in that world is that it it I get to challenge my natural proclivity to roll my eyes at something and make the jack off motion. So I feel like that is my natural state.

It's like, oh, fucking. OK. All right. And I like doing something that kind of seems ridiculous at first. But if you go with it, you'll get something out of it. Well, there's a reason people do things right. And I like doing something that kind of seems ridiculous at first, but if you go with it, you'll get something out of it. Well, there's a reason people do things, right? I mean, if something like that where a bunch of people are going and it's always booked up, it has to have some reward. Even if it's not the thing that he's telling you, it is for everybody.

Yeah. It's like there are no real scams. These are really busy. By my house there's a really busy crack house that I've been meaning to try. And I know there's something that like because people keep coming back and coming back and coming back and they're like, there's got to be something. It's cheap. You know, it's like 10 bucks. I don't know. I'm like

but I'm just, you know, I'm an old dad. Carve out an afternoon. I'm just going to stay in the hammock. You know what I mean? The hammock will be there when you get back. Eight weeks later. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la Attention, Europe!

This fall, Maximum Fun is bringing a bunch of your favorite podcasters to London. Catch Judge John Hodgman, International Waters, and Bullseye, all recording live episodes at the London Podcast Festival. We'll have fan meetups and we'll be joined on stage by a glittering array of celebrity guests. The London Podcast Festival runs September 22nd through 26th, and you can buy your tickets right now. Just go to MaximumFun.org. Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan, what's my detective?

Cameron Esposito, a third party. Cameron really has been. Candidate for president. I don't know if you've been, I don't know if you read the- Peace and Freedom Party? Yeah, Pizza Freedom Party. The pizza, the pizza. I go to Indiana, I say, you better give us pizza even though we're gay. Yeah.

And they say, no, we're Mike Pence. And then I'm like, this is a whole state and there's not everybody here. There's a lot of different kind of people here. And not all of our pizza makers are against homosexuality. And then a lot of people go, yeah, that's right. We like him. Yeah. Gays.

You got my vote. Thank you. One, please. One vote. Jordan, I don't know if you do read the trades. Well, I mean, the showbiz insider. So, yes. And I know it doesn't bode well for me being a showbiz insider.

The fact that I can't say it immediately. But I, for one, am convinced. Yes. So, yes. I read Variety. The Hollywood Reporter, The Daily Snoop, The Snooty Poop, the free newspaper they give you at the Chateau Marmont, a USA Today I found behind Shia LaBeouf's house. Mary-Kate and Ashley's Blow News. It's about cocaine. It's just for Mary-Kate and Ashley's Blow News. It's about cocaine.

It's just for Mary-Kate and Ashley. And scarves. Scarf news as well. Yeah, true. Accessories. Just a bit different. How to... Yeah.

Like, if you have an LBD, that's a little black dress, how you can make it pop. Yeah, I bet there's a travel guide section. They went a lot of places when they were younger. Oh, that's true. They were hopping up places. A dude ranch. Paris, I think. London.

Anyway, you've probably seen in the- An area that exists outside of time and space. You've probably seen in the trades or in that area that exists outside of time and space that Cameron Esposito and our friend Bria Butcher's new show is an actual success of critical acclaim. Yeah. Yes, it is amazing to see you and Rhea's show, Take My Wife, now available on CISO,

like being written about in the New York Times and shit like that. It's totally amazing. It is amazing. The New York Times wrote about our show, long articles, like not mentions, twice in four days. Now, to be clear, one of those was about how you and Rhea live a 1920s lifestyle. Right, right, right. So one was about the show.

One was about our engagement. And you raise your children gluten-free. Yeah. No, it's been amazing. We have, the show has been a resounding critical success. And I can say that, and that's not even bragging. It's just true. Do you got a Rotten Tomatoes score attached to this thing?

I don't know that we do. I haven't looked it up. A Metacritic, maybe? Because I don't want to know. Metacritic, it's good. It's like, I think in the high 80s or early 90s, it's like a good fucking thing. It's early 90s. It's like a Blind Melon situation.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, the movie Singles. You scored yourselves a Chumbawamba. No, it's very cool because we really had no expectations. CISO, which I always spell, S-E-E-S-O, because some people don't even know what I'm talking about. You can get that inside your Amazon video delivery. Yeah, you can. If you go to Amazon Video, you can get it there.

You can also get it at CISO.com. But it's owned by NBCUniversal. You can get it at your local green grocer. Is that correct? Yeah, you can totally get that. When it's in season. It's owned by NBCUniversal, so there's a big thing behind it. But it's a brand new baby.

So we thought maybe nobody would know about the show at all. But I think the CISOs are hot. I think this is CISO's hot business because I'll tell you about some CISO shows. You got Cameron Esposito and Rhea Butcher. That's a friend of ours. Yeah. You got

Kulop Velisac's Bajillion Dollar Properties. Well, that's one of our top pals. You got Kulop Velysak's bajillion dollar properties. Yep. Well that's one of our top pals. Jonah Ray's show. Well Jonah Ray. Yeah. We love him.

Yeah. How about with writing and sometimes performing by our buddy Mike Mitchell. That guy's hilarious. One of the funniest

guys. How about this. Justin Griffin and Travis McElroy. Yes. Why they're about to start making their CISO series right now. Basically everyone who's ever been on this show except for us. Yeah. Except for the two regulars.

Yeah. I think basically the common denominator between all of these CISO people, it's like, yeah, great comedy people, but a lot of different voices a lot of different places they're coming from but i think we are the hinge that this door swings upon yeah it's definitely you i mean when i went and met with them they were like you know we know of you from jordan jesse go first and foremost i was like i i used to i used to actually have like my my old my own show my whole own show on the network called Wayne Ben Pow. And they were like, no, we just only know about you.

We'll take your word for it. We'll take your word for it. And I was like, I've been on Bullseye. They were like, no. No, no, no. Not from National Public Radio. From that long-running and yet still unsuccessful podcast. But I've also been on My Brother and Me.

You just, I think, are making a deal with it. And they were like, nope. We haven't heard that show. We just took Jesse's recommendation indirectly. He's never even met with us. We've never invited him to meet with us. I will say it's very cool what they're doing. What they're trying to do is go to people that they believe have a clear vision and asking those people to make their dream project.

And so that's what this was. It's a project that I don't think would have been made anywhere else because what people like about it is that it is in the tradition of Seinfeld and Louis and Marin and it's about stand-ups. But it's also about a family business and it's through the lens of women that do comedy. And what do you dream – like when you go to bed at night, what do you dream of? Of course, like any of us, you dream of Jeannie. So you made the show that you dream of. Yes, exactly. Exactly.

But it's very cool because they believed in us, and they really didn't think this was – I don't know. A bunch of places have been writing about how our show is a good reason that we're in the moment of peak television. Because some people are saying there's too much television and it's terrible. But the good news is actually that there's less money in every show. There's just more shows that all have smaller budgets. And that means that people can make projects that they really care about. And it also means a greater diversity of voices. Yeah.

Because stuff can fail. It can be a show that is super beloved by a devoted group of fans. that is super beloved by a devoted group of fans and it doesn't have to be just some whatever show that five million people kind of tolerate because it's on at eight o'clock. Yeah, exactly. It doesn't have to be a group mind. If I could use it, could I use a podcasting analogy?

Would you please? So it could be a show like Jordan Jesse Go that's beloved by a small but rabid group of people. That's the kind of the basis that we're talking about. It doesn't have to be some broad range fire hose, a little something for everybody and not enough for anybody. Like, I don't know, the Dope Boys. For instance. I'm turning on the Dope Boys.

That's my new thing. Turning on the Dope Boys. Fuck their great and i know that you i know that you are kidding but i actually do think that this network and this platform is the evolution of bringing podcasting back into television not because people are specifically connected to podcasts but because they are smaller more personal shows and the way podcasting has affected stand-up and comedy in general is that we want closer access to our performers we want more realism we want to love them and understand them and that was just something that we kind of didn't

care about before we wanted like distance and we wanted commenting on large topics like airplane food uh so shirts yeah so now we're just on the other side of that um guys i hate to be the one to tell you this. My friend Guy Branum's outside. He needs to get in here and use this studio. Let's get out of here. Oh, my gosh. Before we go, could I just tell everybody that if you want to watch the show,

because people have been saying it's, you know, should they add a new service, you could use the promo code TAKEMYWIFE, all one word, and it's just free for two months. Two months free? What? And I don't – listen. Don't tell anybody else. You can just unsubscribe.

Yeah. You could do that. So just subscribe. Because you could watch all the episodes. And watch our show. Yeah, there's six episodes. So you can just watch them for free. And then watch Jonah's show.

Yeah. Yeah. So what's going to happen is that you're going to get in there and you're going to realize that I also have a stand-up special on there called Marriage Material that Jonah Ray has an amazing show. You're going to love. Cool Ops show. You're going to get in there and you're going to realize that I also have a stand-up special on there called Marriage Material that Jonah Ray has an amazing show. You're going to watch all these things. But if you wanted to, just get in and get out. Do some blow.

Put in your cover code, take my wife and just watch all of these shows in one hilarious weekend where your sides are destroyed. Just stay away from the Doughboys. That's all I ask. Just at the end of the day, we got to get the Doughboys in our sights and take them down. away from the doughboys. That's all I ask. Just at the end of the day, we gotta get the doughboys in our sights

and take them down. Um, I don't stand behind that message. But everything else that has been said, everything else that's been said on this podcast, even at the very beginning when we said some kind of confusing stuff about

Nazis and I don't know where we ended up falling and if we were being serious or not. We fell on the good side. Don't worry. I really want to make sure that we all acknowledge that we did not think that Nazis were a good idea. No, no, no, no. No. Or did they have good ideas? Bad ideas?

No. Yeah, sure they had those. Terrible ideas. Full of bad ideas. Christian Duenas on the boards for this week's program. Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. Going to be returning from London, England pretty soon. Guess what?

We're headed to MaxFunCon East. That will just have happened as you hear this episode. So who knows? We'll probably get some cool stuff on the bonus feed. Maybe we'll even put out that live show for Max Fun Con East on the regular feed. We'll see how everything shakes down. Yum, yum. We're on Reddit at MaximumFun.reddit.com.

Cameron's already out of here. She's already hanging up her earphones on the microphone. We're on Facebook. Just like Jordan Jesse Go and join the Maximum Fun group there. Hashtag it JJGo on Twitter. and join the Maximum Fun group there. Hashtag it JJGo on Twitter. From now on, all corrections should be sent to at Benjamin A-H-R.

That's Ben Harrison from The Greatest Generation and Adam Pranica from The Greatest Generation, whose Twitter handle I don't remember off the top of my head. But just all corrections, not just the Star Trek ones, all of them. Whatever you're upset about from the first segment that was a slightly confusing, mostly irony segment where our point of view wasn't 100% clear, let's send those to Ben and Adam. And we'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, go.