Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 446: Under the Sea with Solomon Georgio and Ricky Carmona

Episode Date: September 19, 2016

Comedian Solomon Georgio joins Jesse and guest host Ricky Carmona for a discussion of baseball players with surprising athleticism, reasons they can't enjoy camping, and Solomon and Ricky's love of DJing.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. It's Ricky Carmona, what it do, what's poppin', how we livin'? Carmona. How's it going on, buddy? What's going on? That's not a sentence.

No, those are just words. I see these words and these visuals hit my mind, and then I just got to let them out. Yeah, that's right, folks. Your favorite Jordan Jesse Go host isn't here this week, but Ricky Carmona is. Yep. I'll be the Dirk Diggler to your Jack Horner today. I like that 1980s-style Chicago White Sox hat. That 1983 Shy Sox hat, yo. That's some Harold Baines shit right there.

That's what's up, yo. Harold Baines. right there. That's what's up, yo. Harold Baines. Ivan Calderon. I saw Harold Baines hit three home runs against the A's one time at the Coliseum. Harold Baines was what's up. Damn. I love a legendary designated hitter. We've got two of them.

We've got Harold Baines, Frank Thomas. He's just like, well, I mean, but Frank Thomas, at some point, Frank Thomas was a first baseman. Yes. And we're not just going to talk about baseball this whole time. I want to be clear. But I like the idea of Harold Baines. I mean, presumably he had a position at some point. But early in his career, like 22, 23, he's like, nah, fuck that shit.

I'm here to hit, yo. Yeah. I'm here to hit. Fuck that. Harold Baines probably didn't even have a baseball glove. He's just like, nah, I'm fucking Harold Baines. didn't even have a baseball glove it's just like no I'm fucking Harold Baines I'm that dude Harold Baines one of my favorite 80s baseball jerry curls I mean just beautiful oh that was a juicy motherfucker listen if even like the beard looked like he had some

jerry curl and I was like my man is keeping it together. Yeah, he had that, oh, I love that good look. I love a baseball player with a look. It means so much to me. Sure. And it can't just be a goatee. No, there's got to be more to it. Let's introduce our guest on the program before we get into baseball player looks. Because you know this man.

You know this man's got some opinions. Yo, I'm a big fan of this man. About the world of baseball player looks. Plus, the color of the light has been changing in here it's real intense we got this led light bulb that changes colors this is the closest i've been to doing molly in quite some time yes uh beloved stand-up comedian uh i think i'm going to tell you, Ricky, Solomon Giorgio, our guest on this program, hosted the stand-up show at Max FunCon this past year. This was top to bottom, all killer, no filler stand-up lineup. Yep. Solomon Giorgio, he's a young Jack, so I made him host the show.

I think he might have killed the hardest of any person on that entire line i would agree with that he stepped up to the fucking stage and destroyed from the worst first word out of his mouth just tore the audience apart and then left it to the guy brandoms and sarah shaffer's i didn't host the handle this I didn't host the show though you didn't host the show?

no I just did a set who was hosting? it was Riley oh yeah we had Riley Silverman hosting well she did great too

beloved past Jordan Jesse Go guest and Jordan Jesse Go listener sorry Riley okay so let's talk for a second

about baseball looks. I don't know how much you've looked at baseball players, Solomon Giorgio. Very little. It's for the best. Well, not their heads in particular. Right. That's my least. I'm actually pretty disappointed because they're now wearing baggier clothing.

Yeah. I'm disappointed with that, too. Even as a heterosexual, I'm disappointed with that. I don't think that's the look. Yeah, it's not the look. It's like it's a league that has some amazing butts. And those tight pants was what got my viewership. And now you're missing out on a gay demographic. Okay, so one of my favorite baseball players recently is a designated hitter, also a full-time designated hitter.

And I want to be clear. I understand the motivation for liking a cute baseball player. I can see that. Sure. If baseball players were ladies, I would also like a cute baseball player. I like a distinctive baseball player most of all. One of my favorite categories of baseball player is fat baseball player. Yes.

One of my favorite categories of baseball player is fat baseball player. Yes. I like anything like an athletic competition that rewards the overweight. Of course. And that's designated hitters, isn't it, for the most part? Yeah. It's the designated hitters. Yeah, exactly. And I also just like surprising athleticism, like when a sumo wrestler does the splits.

That's what I like. And there was this guy on the A's. He just got cut because he got in a fight in the dugout and reportedly was a bad teammate. And also had been signed to a big three-year contract and had performed extremely poorly. But his name is Billy Butler. That's right. And he has the absolute best baseball player nickname, which is Country Breakfast. Country Breakfast.

Country Breakfast. Like, the man is... That's just ham and gravy. Yeah. Ham and gravy would be a great alternate nickname. He is, like, he's not, like, corpulentlyently obese but he's just soft all over like soft face soft thick body uh soft everything yeah and he is so slow like he barely can do you know how the difference between running and walking is that when you're running, both your feet are off the ground at the same time for part of it.

Like, he can barely do that. Like, you know, the pictures of the horses that invented cinema. Yeah. Like, that's the thing he can't do. Yeah. They have to have at least one foot on the ground in order to. Yeah. And I love that.

Yeah. I love, love, love that. I'm a big fan of, like, the Juan Uribe's of the league. Who's the guy back in the day? There was Juan Uribe. John Kruk. Just this solid gut and then a curve on their back and just that third base ass that would just stick out like a bubble. And yeah, their running was just this fast waddling. But they could beat me in a race hands down for as fast as I think I am.

I bet you they could beat me in a race hands down. See, for me, mine are the guys that are the guys that are like the multiple sports players, like the Bo Jackson, the Deion Sanders. Oh, sure, sure. Yeah, dude. Those were like the gods. How did you manage to... Oh, more than one?

Are you going to do more than one thing? Oh, this one thing that's really hard to do, you're going to do two versions of that. I can't even play badminton. Do you know what I mean? Like, much less, like, actual, you know? There was a brief period where I was taking a basketball class at the community college. And I just realized, like, all I can do on the basketball court, like, my greatest strength on the basketball court at 6'3", 6'4", 210 pounds

is just to disappoint others. Like that is what I bring to the table in a basketball game. Just the phrase, oh, big man. But if you show up to a community college basketball class and you expect greatness, that's your fault. But dude, who do you think is in the basketball class at the community college i would assume dudes that like

all they care about is basketball and getting a credit at the community college like that is a really like these dudes are like, these dudes are guys who fucking made a whole matrix to see how few classes they could take to get their law enforcement degree. You know what I mean? Like, all of these dudes, all they cared about. And then in the basketball class, there was five women who didn't participate. five women who didn't participate. They had looked at the situation and identified that they did not have to participate to get their one point.

And then there was, thank God, a French guy. The French guy was the only person older than me and worse than me. God bless his little heart. How old were you in community college? This was, I mean, I was not... I was not, uh, I was hoping you were going to say last year. This was right at the beginning of the summer. I was not, I was not working towards an associate's degree. I don't mean to brag, but I have a bachelor of arts degree from the University of California at Santa

Cruz. Nice. So you got to go to the beach every day. You know, I got to be uncomfortable around trees. Oh, that's nice. But I know this was later on. This was, I believe, in lifelong learning. Yes. I'm sorry that you guys don't, but I do. And so I like to take classes, keep my skills refreshed. And one of the classes I took was as a 32 year old 31 year old at the community

college I live by rule and that is not to be in a situation where there can be a lot more people that are younger than me in a room yeah I can understand that I mean the thing is though I didn't I knew that if I did an exercise I would die die. And I did not want to go to a gym. Sure. So that left signing up for basketball. And I also hate all activities. You know what I mean? Activities.

We're getting to the root of it here. Like going outdoors and something. This is a very long roundabout way of saying, I'm just lazy. I mean, do you guys like wakeboarding or something? Is that a thing people can be into now? That is a thing. I don't like crazy activities like that. That's crazy talk.

Like any healthful activity. Yes, I do. I'll only do walking is the only healthful activity. You can trick me into hiking yeah uh i prefer swimming i just like being in a pool really that that if it's anything water-wise like yeah you can get me into that when you say swimming are you talking about like uh a committed practice of swimming or are you talking about something that involves a novelty flotation device in a beer look both okay i'm into both i'm into both like are you talking about swimming activities

that you can smoke at the same time look i do like to like i i kind of i do this thing where i i get in the water and i'm like look let's just do a couple laps get the heart rate up right and then when i pop up on the other end, I'm going to smoke a cigarette. Absolutely. And then get really drunk from there. Yeah. I would like to know how to swim. I mean, I know how to swim like I don't die if you put me in the water.

But I feel like I don't know how to do that thing where you go to the side that intimidates me very much I just had a personal commitment to learn how to swim especially when I found out really young that the main one of the main stereotypes about black people is the inability to swim and I was like all right Solomon that cannot be on you I feel like I'm imagining you with just a list folded up in your pocket that just says like swimming watermelon you're just like crossing shit off gotta get these out of the way finally gave myself that aversion to watermelon i finally whatever the other like what has to be done for somebody to be like black people can't swim like nah'm like, nah, I can swim. Yeah, fuck you. I did it.

I'm living the dream. And every once in a while, I hear another black person say they can't swim. I have a few friends that can't swim and I'm just like, hey, we don't need

to broadcast that. You can just lie. No one's ever been like, prove it. When did you learn to swim? As a kid? Oh yeah, I went to school in Fresno

and it was just kind of part of our PE course You had a pool at your school? It was not a school We went to a public pool nearby And they just taught us how to swim In 6th grade? In Fresno?

It was like the 3rd grade I didn't get next to a pool until high school Where did you go to school though? It was broke ass I mean, I say this with all respect, Roosevelt High School Yeah. I didn't get next to a pool until high school. Where did you go to school, though? Broke-ass. I mean, I say this with all the respect, Roosevelt High School, but broke-ass Roosevelt High School in Chicago, Illinois. Yeah, sorry. Midwest schools.

No one needs to learn to swim in the Midwest. Yeah, next to me. They're like, are there pools in the Midwest? We go to the beach three weeks out of the summer. That's when it's hot. Everything else, you'll be inside. They have those rock beaches. Oh, yeah. We go with solid rock beaches. Those weird, unsalid beaches. Oh, no, it's hot Everything else You'll be inside They have those They have those rock beaches Oh yeah

We go with solid rock beaches Those weird Unsolicited beaches Oh no it's great But California's riddled with pools It's Just an entire state of pools Yeah

Especially public pools Yeah when the fuck Were you going to the beach In Fresno We didn't go to the beach We went to the pool Okay Like there's

There's tons of pools everywhere The pool by my house When I was a kid Was It would be open You – it was like an outdoor pool, mission pool in San Francisco. And it's supposed to be open from like whatever, May to September or something like that. But it was – functionally it was open from May until the first death by stabbing. open from May until the first death by stabbing. Like a standard, like a regular stabbing,

like just an injury stabbing was not enough to close the pool, but a death by stabbing. Once somebody dies, we got to shut it down. How much blood could get in the pool before they were like, all right, everybody has to get out of the pool now. Now it's officially. John's still kicking. We can keep the pool open. We don't have to. to get out of the pool now. Now it's officially... John's still kicking. We can keep the pool open.

Like it was fully, like Mission Pool was fully, it was one of those, one of those public institutions of interest to teenagers which were just too close to the line between gangs. You know what I mean? Like some things are in one gang

and they're just, they're rock solid. They're all set. You don't have to worry about it. Some things are in one gang, and they're rock solid. They're all set. You don't have to worry about it. Some things are in it. But the Norteños and the Sireños came together at Mission Pool. Oh, wow. And it was, yeah, it was a real murder central situation.

Because I grew up in Fresno where the public pools were, and that's definitely like it's wonderful gang territory. But for some odd reasons, it was peace in the pool area. Really? That's like it's like it's one of those we're all in the same gang type situations. Look, once you get past these lines and you just put your flip flops on, we got to be cool with each other. You wouldn't dare shoot a man in flip flops. How are you going to shoot somebody wearing flip-flops? Ricky, can you swim?

Hell no. Not at all? Not at all. Would you die if you jumped in a pool? I wouldn't make it. R.I.P. Ricky. Ricky.

Yeah, man. Ricky, you're born of island stock. Sure. Of course. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure my parents are very embarrassed're born of Island stock. Of course. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure my parents are very embarrassed by all of this information, but oh well.

That's just, I remember being in high school and then like teaching me, you know, trying to teach me and everybody just laughing. And I was like, I mean, this is how I'm going to get like thick skin. Motherfuckers laughing at me.

Cause I'm just not good at this. I have zero desire to learn how to be good at this. I will go to the beach and I will go to the pool, but I will sit there with my gin and tonics or my margaritas and be like, y'all go live it up. I'm getting my sun on. If you're at the beach, will you go in the water at all? I do get in the water. I get in as far, once I feel that my feet can't touch anything below me That's when I start freaking out

That's when I'm like This is bad This is bad So you stay on the The calm side of the pool Yes Oh indeed Oh yeah absolutely

Yeah I'm all about getting You know I'm all about getting in the water So you're not afraid of a hot tub Or a toddler pool Man I have to tear shit up In a hot tub son

That's why That's why I feel like Woo In my zone Can't drown in here No man I mean it's basically One big ass seat That's what I feel like, whoo, in my zone. Can't drown in here. I mean, it's basically one big-ass seat. That's what a hot tub is. It's like, ah, this is nice.

Who's lazy now, Carl? I think we all agree that we're all kind of lazy here. Yeah, no, there's no doubt. I mean, my aptitude and interest in physical activity is modest at best. I will do it to not be ashamed in public. Well, you have a svelte physique, Solomon. Oh, yes. My body can look like it can pull something off, which is great.

It honestly can't because I've done... My lower back is hurting right now from taking a long nap yesterday. Yeah, that's about where I'm at. Nap injuries. Oh, four hours of sleep in the middle of the day? Well, guess what? We're going to hurt. I do hate that aspect of physical activity.

If you're too lazy, your body will be sore. If you're too active, your body will be sore. I'm like, what do I do? What do I do? Yeah, I do resent that soreness very much i also can't touch my toes haven't been able to touch my toes ever i don't think i don't think i've ever been able to touch my toes and people act like that's something that anyone can do like that's like a basic human skill and i resent it so much i'm sorry i have so many touch your toes related resentments like that vein of resentment goes so deep for me i've done it but i never know like i never like when i touch my toes i'm never like ah i'm doing it right like

i feel like i'm bending my knees and like i'm breathing like i'm take i take a real deep breath before I do it and go down. The closest I ever came in sixth grade, I went to this – I went to an extraordinarily fancy middle school. Like extraordinarily fancy – like a progressive fancy. Not like a blue blazer fancy. Oh, I know what kind of school you're talking about. You know, where like the children of tech magnates. Exactly, yes. And we had a Tai Chi class.

Oh, yeah. Do you have a feelings tent? We had a class called self-science in which we discussed our feelings and compared them with each other. But in Tai Chi class, which by the way, the teacher of the Tai Chi class was a real nice guy. In Tai Chi class, which, by the way, the teacher of the Tai Chi class was a real nice guy. And he would, like, on the equivalent of, like, a snow day. I don't know what that is in the peninsula south of San Francisco. But, like, on a day when we're not going to do Tai Chi for some reason, he would occasionally bring in a video of his students from his, like, martial arts center. And they did Wushu which is like performance

kung fu that's like what uh that's like what jackie chan is a genius of and so he would like put in this video of like eight-year-olds like doing back flips while waving swords in the air and then he'd be like okay everybody up. Like, let's practice our breathing. Hold the teabag and press. But we, the one thing you had to do to pass that class was touch, you had to stand with your feet one floor tile apart and touch the ground in between and hold it for three seconds or something like that.

And I could not do it. And it really eventually became a contest to see how much you could bend. I could bend my knees inside of my Tai Chi pants without revealing that my knees were bent. So it really got to the point, because you had to do it to pass. It was a big problem if you didn't. I don't remember why. And so I would just be there stretching and stretching

and stretching before the test, like hurting myself and hurting myself and hurting myself. You know, like, you know, go further when you exhale, go further when you exhale. And then you'd get in there and yeah, just try and break that plane just try and get that knee as deeply bent as possible while still hiding my body inside of the i love that these i want to see these flowy tai chi pants but i i unfortunately i'm i i'm the opposite i was able to do those things before but my laziness

has reached a certain point that i'm no longer capable of being as flexible as I used to be. Well, you're a young man. You're in your 20s. You're 30. You're not 34 years old. I've been 34 for 34 years. Give me a break, 34 years old. I'm turning 35 in just a couple of months.

I was going to say 29 years old, so there you go. I appreciate it. I'll take it for what it is. But I can tell you right now, inside, inside, it's for sure 45. Okay, got it.

Got it. Well, I mean, I think you wear it well. Oh, yeah. You are doing a great job of hiding how close you are to your own death. It's taken a lot of,

like every morning is spent being very meticulous on how I can look like i can do something like what outfit can i put together like i wear jorts to let people know hey if i need to run i can but for sure i will be exhausted within a block block. I will be the first person to keel over. I have lost my breath on slight inclines. Do you do any kind of organized exercising? No.

No spin classes? I wouldn't. What about hiking? Everyone in Los Angeles loves to go hike to the top of a mountain. Look, I don't do hiking. I don't do camping. I was born in a refugee camp, and that was the last time I decided to go camping. You kind of have to fucking drag me into it.

That is a rock-solid line that you should just use for the rest of your life. Oh, believe me, I've used it multiple times. I recently went camping, and that was the first time in almost, I think, a decade. Because it's like, you have to drag. You can't make me do it. I see people who are just like, you can be one with nature. You can feel things. I'm like, look, unless you're going to get me a bunch of drugs to make me feel okay.

Just to blunt the existential terror. Exactly. I would have to be on a layer cake of narcotics for me to want to live this hellscape of being outside. I got a buddy who texts me every once in a while. Hey, let's go camping. And I always write him back, what's wrong with you? Don't you know who I am? Exactly.

I grew up in a goddamn city. Thank you. I like to be surrounded by concrete and tall buildings. Yeah. I will appreciate nature from a building. Sure. Easily. Yeah. I would drive up to nature.

That's why I got myself a cabin. Exactly. A cabin is a nature appreciating shelter. Yes. It's a permanent area that you can go into and pretend that you're appreciating nature when you're actually reading a book or watching a VHS tape on your TV VCR. Look, if you sent me anywhere

with no Wi-Fi, I'm going to set that forest on fire. It's going to be a problem. Look, if you want to preserve nature, don't put me in the middle of nowhere with no technology because I will destroy everything around me. I've gone camping only one time as an adult and i think that the main the biggest problems for me are one no interest in any

outdoor activities two do not drink or do drugs like i feel like the only reason that people actually those are the only two reasons that people go camping. Sure. I guess there are probably some people who are into fishing or hike – trunning. I'm going to say trunning. Sure. Enough that they go camping to pursue their interest in trunning. Like, for example, Derek Jeter I bet loves trunning.

He's a big fan. He had those trunning shoes. And so I think that he probably would go camping to do trunning. And that is not of interest to me. And then I also, like, I don't just, like, get hammered. I know that, like, bringing a lot of beers is another reason that people, like, a huge amount of beers. And then basically just seeing how many beers you can have over a period of X number of

days. I know that's a big thing for camping. Oh, no, that's the whole point of it. It's just like, how much of a monster can I be with no police around to tell me what to do? Absolutely. Yeah. If you're saying we're going camping, I also want like a comma that says, and also because

we have all these mushrooms we're going to take with us want his, I want like a comma that says, and also because we have all these mushrooms we're going to take with us. Yes! Now I'm in! But also like, the thing with camping and nature, that's also where

racists like to rally together. Yeah. So that's like, I'm just like, and that's the thing is, most of the time, it's a white person that invites me to go camping

and it's like, and they don't like, do a check on what the racist climate is of that nature right yeah so they're like hey you want to go camping in idaho like think about what you just told me you would like the like the southern poverty law center to produce a guide to safe camping areas which forest areas is it okay for me to be a black person you want to go up up to the woods of Indiana? Yeah, no, thank you. No, thank you. No, I do not.

I went camping one time as an adult. My wife and I, before we had kids, went camping and brought our dog Coco. And I learned that when you take away

hiking and fishing and stuff and you take away drinking and doing drugs and stuff, all that is left for me in camping is fucking and hot dogs. And like I like hot dogs and I like fucking. And if you bring bacon, you can make bacon and then make scrambled eggs in the bacon grease, which I also like. Yep. Yep. And then make scrambled eggs in the bacon grease, which I also like. Yep. But that is like a – if you include eight hours of sleep, it's only like a 12-hour period.

So literally, you know, we got in, you know, we rolled in at 6. And then by the time it's 8 the next morning, I am like tearing my hair out. Exactly. I'm like, I don't have any more ejaculate. And I've already cooked and eaten the two meals that I had planned. Like from now on, it's power bars and refraction. No. And I am not interested. Oh, yeah.

Self-reflection in nature is not something I look forward to doing. Oh, yeah. That is terrifying. I realized I was up at my cabin this past weekend having a great time watching the movie Tootsie. Yeah, you were. And I realized like exactly how much like I'm down to go on one hike a day. That's fine. I'm glad to do it.

My wife's family is very naturally oriented. My brother-in-law was a climbing ranger at Yosemite. My other brother-in-law is a wildlife biologist. They love nature. That's fine. I'll go on a hike. That's fine. I'm not going to complain anymore. I used to complain, but I learned to be okay with it and just do it. Just put my head down and suffer through it. But like what I want from nature is no one bothers me while I read a book. That's it. I can't read a book in my regular life anymore.

I'm incapable of making it for more than 10 minutes without obsessing over something. So I just want to – or the New Yorker. That's all I'm looking for is just I just want to read this article about Erykah Badu and the New Yorker. That I've been saving for a special occasion. I became a hiker once I moved to Los Angeles because, I mean, they literally brought hiking to the city. You can live in the city of LA. In Chicago, it's like you leave the house. Yeah, just go to Lake Michigan.

And then after that, it's cold and you don't want to do shit. You mean it's cold for the rest of the year. It's cold. Yeah, yeah. So you leave the house once during the brief period where it's 106. Yeah, that's right. You take that deep breath in. By the time you're back, it's back to negative 10. Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, yeah. You get all the hot dogs you can and try and do all the fucking you can inside. By the way, Chicago, I'm bringing Bullseye Live to Chicago in November, so please get your tickets to the Chicago Podcast Festival. Probably have Steve Albini there or something. I was in Seattle, so I lived there for so long that I'm like, I'm pretty sure that I don't need to see nature again. I got it.

Yeah, sure. I lived there for 16 years. I'm like, I saw it. Your nature is full. Yeah. You can't make a new nature that I haven't seen. Yeah. Yeah.

I think that's a good call. I think once you've reached a certain saturation point, you know, hit the bricks. Let's do the city thing. Yeah. Yeah. Let's go to a fucking bookstore. Show me the goddamn subway. Yeah.

Exactly. I just want to get on the subway. I just want to ride a train and read my book. Well, people are always just like, oh, nature's just so majestic. It's just, look at this pristine, wonderful thing that's been around for millions of years. I'm like, well, you can do that for me. I got it. I got it.

You know what's also pretty wonderful? Freeways. Check those out. Those are insane. Nature's greatest miracle is a train that goes underground Yes Jeez And it takes you to the movies

That's right Also guys look at YouTube You can see all the forests you want on YouTube They're all there Everything looks better on a picture Have you seen the Grand Canyon in real life? It's fine In a picture way better looking

Hands down Grand Canyon Canyon in real life? It's fine. In a picture, way better looking. Like it's hands down Grand Canyon, photogenic, real life, just a big dirt hole. I'll tell you one of my biggest beefs with nature in real life versus on YouTube. In real life, you never see somebody with one of those bat wing suits that jumps off of things. Oh, for sure. Oh, yeah. Those wing suits. Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

I've never seen that happen. Yeah. I've never seen that happen. Yeah, I've never seen that in real life. I've been to nature literally a dozen times. And none of those times have I seen anyone jump off of anything in a wingsuit. But you type nature into YouTube, 70% wingsuit. Absolutely. Also, I think every time I go to nature, there's just like a roll, like just a call, like an open call for the shittiest people to show up. It's like, oh, the worst people you can run into nature are going to be there the same time you're going.

I'm like, oh, that's just not a good situation for me. Like, I don't want these people here at all. You're just running into your worst exes. Every time I go to nature, all my exes just shit. I'm not suggesting that you dated your high school principal. Oh, first of all, I did. These are two separate categories. First of all, I did.

Oh, who has it? Oh, have you guys not dated your high school principal? I went on a couple dates with Mr. Rosenblatt. I had the biggest crush on my high school. She was like... Actually, no, I can't tell you. It was my elementary school principal. She was the assistant principal.

Miss Julian. Miss Julian, where you at? I'm a grown-ass man now. Holler at Carmona. That's right. I just want you to receive a text tomorrow. I've been waiting for this call. I am 65 years old and I am ready to go.

You come back this way. So long, Hollywood. Welcome back to the city with broad shoulders, Ricardo Carmona. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, tired of getting your world news from reliable sources, often with no puns or sexual innuendo? Why was there a butcher's hat haunting Coronation Street? What's Coronation Street and why is Dave Holmes obsessed with it?

International Waters pairs a team of comedians in LA against a team of comedians in London in a pop culture battle royale. Join us once a fortnight to hear the best comedians in the world trade jokes and stories and maybe even learn something at the same time. International Waters with me, Dave Holmes. Find it at MaximumFun.org or wherever you download podcasts. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, Hey, I'm Solomon Giorgio. What a delight to have you boys here. It's good to be here. I'm happy to be here. It's so good to be here. It's good to be here. Ricky Carmona. Yes, sir.

I am excited to broach this subject with you, sir. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. Ricky Solomon. Okay, so Ricky and I are close Twitter buddies because we have basically exactly the same taste in music. the same taste in music. Ricky's taste in music is three or four years older than me and 20% more Chicago-y than me. Indeed.

True indeed. Which helped me when I went to him for house music recommendations. Oh, wow. But overall, we're exactly the same guy. Yep. Jesse knows, actually, I would put money that Jesse knows more about music than I do. Because the first time we were in the same room together in Chicago, you were just like sitting behind me at Second City. And then you start, man, I wish I could remember what rapper it was you were talking about.

But I was like, this motherfucker back here is talking about who right now? Oh, man, it's killing me. It was just somebody where I was like, it might have been like the goats or some shit like that. I was like, how the fuck does this guy know about the goats, man? You don't know nothing about that. And then it delved into like Too Short. And I was just like, Ricky, keep this one ear open the whole time for his conversation. I feel like at multiple points in my life, I've said something about the rapper Sugar Free.

One of my favorites. One of my favorites. Morally indefensible, but one of my favorites. And had somebody that's just like nearby just go, wait, motherfucker, did you just say Sugar Free? Hold up. Like, wait, motherfucker, did you just say Sugarfree? Hold up. What? Yeah, man. Do like the hip-hop spit take.

All I gotta say is, if you're listening to this show right now, and we're gonna get into Ricky Carmona's new exciting life situation because I really wanna get into this. Watch this freestyle, watch this video of Sugarfree who's a rapper from pomona a great rapper who may or may not literally be a pimp which is why he's morally indefensible but i don't think

there's a may or may not be i think it's a for sure yeah exactly what's um and uh yeah i mean like usually i'm i'm like you know all rap is, you know, rap is fiction. It's reality-based fiction, like a gangster movie or something. I think Sugar Free might have a similar issue. But Sugar Free, who, like, the man looks like, like, the man has, like, shoulder-length straight hair. He keeps his fingernail long. Like, he's full- dresses like, yes, he dresses like exactly how you would imagine a 45-year-old pimp would dress. Sure.

But anyway, there's a video on YouTube of him freestyling about trees and burritos and stuff. Oh, that's good. Just in somebody's backyard. I love it. Just rapping about, and it is just, I cannot recommend that enough. That is going to be the new, the time that Bobbito Garcia went over to Biz Markie's house for his MTV2 show in terms of Jesse's recommendations of urban culture you should enjoy on YouTube. Since that Bobbito shit got tooken down, we're going to go with Sugar Free rapping about burritos in somebody's backyard. Burritos and trees and shit. But Ricky, you

are a grown adult man. Have been for some time. For a minute. I'm not going to say how old you are, but you're in your early 60s. I'm 22. I'm glad that we went different directions. But Ricky, you told me before we started

I was like what's going on with you buddy you said to me oh I'm trying to teach myself to DJ that is something that you should have done in college in 1998 dude I should have done that shit like just right out the womb you should have done that like my friend Noah Finneyberg caught himself to DJ when we were in college.

I don't know what took me so long, man. I don't tell you. I was a DJ, too. Is that right? Yeah. DJ Homo Negro. And that's a good hook. You're going to get some nights.

Me and my co-DJ, Potatoes O'Brien. That's legit. The Homo Negro and the Potatoes O'Brien. That's legit. The hominager and the Potatoes O'Brien. Oh, I love it. And we called it Blackout. Yeah. There is a joy about finding your DJ name. You get a big fucking smile when it hits you.

You're like, that's who I am. But no, I get it. That's me. DJing is like, it's just one of those things, once you catch on to it, I don't care how old you are. It's the greatest. It's fun to read a room and make them happy. Yep. And that's a problem with a lot of current DJs.

They don't seem to be on board with that because I've met a – oh, there's a good chunk of DJs now. He said laughing griefily. There's – I think like there's like especially like in a couple of comedy festivals where they get a DJ in and they're like – and the thing with comedians is that we are the most basic music lovers. Yeah. You can just throw in a top 40s jam and we'll be fine. But if you try to get obscure with us... Everybody's got that Guy Branum taste.

Oh, Guy Branum was the one that went up to the guy and was like, you need to change this out at one festival. Well, because Guy will start the fucking party, but he's not going to start the fucking party if you're not playing a song that appeared in the top 10 well well this guy was he's ready to go this guy who was not reading the room of people who were standing around is playing like obscure 80s uh like synth pop and it was like like we like what are you trying to do yeah what are you there's are you trying to not make people happy yeah speaking as somebody speaking as somebody who uh last week at max fun con east witnessed dan deacon just

destroy a room by playing under the sea from the little mermaid like destroy like people crying yeah i get it tears it's actually in my realm of voices that i can do that is the only like under the sea is a in my realm of voices that I can do. That is the only, like, Under the Seas, that's the only song that I can sing pitch perfect because I can do the best Sebastian you'll ever hear in your life. Uh-huh. Well, now, yeah, now we got to hear it. I mean, you get to say that and, like.

I'm not saying we got that ASCAP BMI license, but let's do this. Ariel, why do you want to go up there? The human world is a mess. Life is better than anything they got up there. That's the opening line. But the seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake. You dream about going up there, but that is a big mistake. Just look at the world around you right here on the ocean floor.

I know the whole song. Solomon Georgiou. God bless you, Solomon Georgiou. DJ Homo Negro, y'all. DJ Homo Negro. Under the sea. Under the sea. Darling, it's bitter.

Down where it's wet. Take it from... Solomon, when you were rocking the ones and twos, what level of intensity are we talking about? Are we talking about, I got Serato and a crossfader. Are we talking about beat matching? Are we talking about cutting and scratching? Were you out there juggling 45? What are you playing?

What era music are you playing? For me, it was mostly, I knew how to do Serato. And I knew it. I was still like I did a lot of I learned how to transition. I was like, that's kind of what I want to do. I kind of just want to play the songs for what they are. And I definitely want to mix sometime in the future. I'll probably do what Ricky's doing one time.

I'm like, I want to learn how to mix these songs. It's fun as hell. And I had a couple attempts. But I just mostly do what Ricky's doing one time. I'm like, I want to learn how to mix these songs. Oh, so dope. It's fun as hell when you... And I had a couple attempts, but I just mostly... I started off with vinyls. I played soul and funk, and then we just would end in some fucking pop insanity

by the time I'm done. But I also... I am a fan of throwing something obscure into it and making people like that, but I'm also a really big fan of playing songs where everybody in the audience is singing along to it. And you can just stop in one moment and they finish off the verse and you can pop it back in. That's the greatest feeling in the world. What was the song that you wanted to slip into the set?

What was your top shit that you're like, people are going to lose their shit over this, even though they don't know what the fuck it is. I would do some random stuff. I think the last one, because it's been like five years since I actually had a DJ night. And the last one I did was a JJ Phat song called Another Hoe Bites the Dust. And it is a diss track against Salt-N-Pepa, The Real Roxanne, Shantae. And it is an insane song. And the beat is like, they're rapping fast the entire time. It is a diss track against Salt-N-Pepa, The Real Roxanne, Shantae. Damn. And it is an insane song. And the beat is like, they're rapping fast the entire time, and then they just go into that Queen thing.

Another hoe bites the dust. Another hoe bites the dust. Like, oh, Jesus. And one of them is just beat, one of them, like, JJ Fad, the third one is one of the best beatboxers I've ever heard and she's just super insane melodic and I was just like I don't know why you guys weren't more famous than this probably because you released a diss track against Salt-N-Pepa when they were on the rise

when they were coming up and everybody was like to be fair how supersonic were Salt-N-Pepa they were probably semi-sonic at best it was closing time ironically Jesus Christ They were probably semi-sonic at best. It was closing time, ironically. Jesus Christ. So Noah Finneyberg in college, his goal, I think, ultimately was to join the Invisible Scratch Pickles.

What is your aspiration, Ricky? I do it. I try to keep things at a hobby level because if I take them too – but I still take it as serious as fuck. I mean I love this. Like I'm all in on it. But once it gets like – once I'm not having fun with it, then it just becomes something that I eventually will start to resent. So right now, I'm just all about finding all the house songs that I grew up with and matching beats, transitions. That BPM thing is...

Oh, it's fantastic. You want to keep that shit between 119 or 118, go up to 129 right in there. That's when shit is bumping. It's the best thing in the world to just see that slow build of people getting into the music and then maybe just drumming it down for one more song and then bringing it back up. It's, sorry. I love talking about DJing.

How you were saying, are you asking him what song would I throw in the loop? Like right now, just like practice mixes I make at home. Man, when I get, there's a song called Dance by Earth People. Yes. And when I make at home. Man, when I get, there's a song called Dance by Earth People. Yes. And when I play that shit, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, that saxophone kicks in.

I mean, I just imagine like everybody in Chicago just fucking... Losing their mind. Ah! So this is just you by yourself at home? Right, yeah.

I mean, I've DJed like at places. But practicing is necessary. Yeah, but I mean, I definitely... I'm at home. I'm excited to go home tonight. I just like that you have this vivid fantasy DJ lifestyle where you're at home on the ones and twos dropping this song,

and that is enough for you to imagine the throngs of Chicagoans in a city you do not live in. Chicagoans going Egg shit Over this jam I mean I put I put like I've started putting like

My little like Practice sessions On Instagram And you can watch And I don't I mean I like I make sure I can't

See the camera Cause I do like to Fucking also like Put on a show For the people Me too I was a dancer Like people were

Like surprised Like the DJ's Losing his mind Yeah yeah I love this song Yeah yeah Exactly I'm playing everything That would make me Lose my mind If I was you right now So of course were like surprised like yeah the dj's losing his mind yeah yeah i love this song yeah exactly i'm

playing everything that would make me lose my mind if i was you right now so of course i'm gonna go fucking nuts yeah when there's something like when people try to get to the dj booth and like make requests like i'm in the middle of dancing to one of my favorite songs this one girl came up to me and she was like can you play this one song no not gonna happen like and she stood there for like three seconds like this is when he says he's joking. No. And I was like, no. I have a job to do tonight, and I prepared for what it is that I'm going to do tonight.

If you had saved it, Closing Time is a good song to play at closing time. No way. Absolutely. Closing Time by Semisonic is a good song to play. You shouldn't ever touch the ones and twos ever. If that's what you're going to do to a group of people. I'm just imagining, you know, I got it in my head. You know, I'm on, I got you, you dropped the bomb on me by the gap band humping.

Just slide on into closing time by semi-sonic. Just slide into closing time. But here's the thing that I did about people that come up to me for requests was, like, like i was like you'd give a jukebox money right you should give me money absolutely i was like you can't just come up here demanding things and nine times out of ten service it's some like poppy bullshit where it's like now have you been listening to what i have been playing oh do you know how awkward it would be if i just threw on oh whatever fucking song you like this summer when i was djing somebody just would come up to me literally after i played a lady gaga song to request a lady gaga song i'm like you can't you can't you don't even understand

that this is not how djs work yeah like i can stay within a theme but you can't just be like you know what you just played a song can you play play a similar song to that by the same artist? No. Solomon, I don't mean to be presumptuous, but if we're talking about five years ago, you could have done pretty well with the Lady Gaga on Lady Gaga on Lady Gaga set in certain communities. I shan't say to which communities I refer.

I will assure you, what I like to do instead was a couple times I did with the Lady Gaga song was I would take that Lady Gaga song and then I would mix it into the Madonna song that it sounded

exactly like sure I like that I like that which was several times I could have easily that's a real homosexual that's a real

homosexual power move that's some fucking gay snob shit yeah that's what I like doing like hey if you're gonna if you're gonna if you're gonna make demands

I'm gonna also teach you a lesson sure there is you segue into a Tallulah Bankhead song and I and I love Lady Gaga too so if you

I got no beef with Lady Gaga I like I like giving myself I don't like Lady Gaga's songs I love her songs it's fine but I thought it was

real fun when she was doing crazy stuff all the time i thought that was great no her persona is phenomenal but i love her i love her music i also just know it's like hey it's not high art you should chill the hell i do love the idea of like how you said like a lady gaga song into a madonna song there's something about in my head that the people who are listening have no idea about, like the theme that we're going with tonight and playing with that. That's always a lot of fun. You know, like whether it's like if I play something and

then I know, all right, three songs from now, I'm going to start playing. If this song had a sample in it, in three songs, I'm going to play that original song just to kind of like bring that vibe back again another favorite thing i like to do is there's there's certain songs that don't do fade outs at the end sure and those those songs are usually like have an insane like splashy sound at the end and you can go into another fun song and it does like that splash at the end and you can just go like footloose ends without a fade It ends with like an insane just like, everybody cut Footloose and then bang.

And then you can legit just throw in another just bumping song. And what I like to do was at the end of Footloose was play Wham's Wake Me Up Before You Go Go. Because it's like it goes, everybody cut Footloose. Then there's the wailing sound and then it goes, Judah Bug. And then you just, you're like, fuck. This is the best thing to do.

And it's just like, they're dumb songs. But it's just nice to put things together in that transition and get people to go crazy again. Why did you stop doing this? This is clearly the only thing you care about in the world. Oh, I can talk about comedy more. So you do like pop songs. do like radio songs but i also like it depend on like this whole thing's like i love doing it all i love bringing in the obscurity i love i just like playing songs that i knew would make people happy yeah like that's hands down how

i liked it like if people weren't happy i'm like if half the crowd is not dancing like what the fuck sure of course yeah of course i i love finding uh like a 12 inch version of a of a song and then when you do get to that middle section where it's to break in it's just like the drums and maybe like a little bit of a guitar riff going and just like we're gonna let that play for a look we're gonna let that play for a while just learning how to loop that yeah and letting that play and just like watching like a crowd, like really get into that. And then like the transition that you start to have with whatever new song is that's coming in that you want. I mean, so fucking seamless that it just is like, right now we're going to bring in more,

you know, like more drums on top of that and like double those drums or you just know, like, you know what? I'm just going to take the vocal from fucking – man, I just took the vocals from – what's that song by Sylvester? Fucking disco song. Mighty Real. Mighty Real. Oh, man.

I can take the vocals off of that and I can lay it over these drums in this other song. And I mean just letting those drums play for like a minute, just drums. And then he comes in with his voice and people are like, what? Shit. Oh, no. What? What? Oh.

I mean, it's just a goddamn joy. That sound you heard was Ricky getting so excited that he threatened the structural integrity of this booth. We better take a quick break before he huffs and puffs and blows the house down. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse. Go. La, la, la, la, second on Jordan, Jesse, go.

Good news, everyone. There are still a few tickets remaining for the London Podcast Festival, September 22nd through 26th. We've just announced a dazzling new addition to the Bullseye lineup. Sharon Horgan, creator and star of the hit shows Pulling and Catastrophe, as well as

a new show, Divorce, which launches soon on HBO. Comedian Josie Long, Veep creator Armando Iannucci, and musician Romare round out the Bullseye lineup. But the fun doesn't stop there, friends. International Waters and Judge John Hodgman tickets are still available

too. Do not sleep on this. Feast your eyes on the juicy full lineup and grab your tickets right now at MaximumFun.org. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, 206-984-4FUN. Why? Well, so you can record a message that might be used in our signature segment, Momentous Occasions, of course. Don't be a silly fool. 206-984-4FUN is that number. Let's hear our first call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guests.

I don't know whether this is a moment of shame or a momentous occasion. I was staying at a crappy motel because I had to work out of town. And, you know, how you do in hotel rooms, you jack off a bit and then you wash your toys and you leave them in the bathroom and then you have to go to work overnight.

Well, I put the Do Not Disturb sign on my door because I was letting my toys dry out. And I come back and there's fresh towels. And I was like, oh, bugger. I was like, oh, bugger. So I go to grab my tablet and connect it to my Bluetooth speaker and take a bath and watch some Star Trek. And my tablet has been renamed to, I use this to jack off. I use this to jack off. Apparently the cleaning staff wasn't entertained by my sex toys in the bathroom,

or maybe they were very entertained by it. That's my moment of shame or moment of occasion. You watch a Star Trek on it too, to be fair. Come on, guys. Don't just corner him down to one thing. I say that's a momentous occasion. That is not a moment of shame. It is true. None of those cleaning people have a clean history to judge anyone else.

Not at all. Not if you're touching my filth. So you've soiled their history. I mean, you know, I've partaken. You're saying your theory is basically like a version of that thing where they say, oh, we've all breathed air that was breathed by Julius Caesar. All hotel cleaning people have touched your sexual soil. They got it.

They got their Ricky shoes on them. And you're welcome. It's been my pleasure. Also, if you have the tech skills to change the name of someone's laptop, maybe you should work on something else that isn't house clean. Yeah, I mean. Yeah, I would say the only thing there, man, is to handle that tablet. Don't leave that out.

Yeah, get a password on that. Yeah, man, come on, man. Yeah, you should be locking that. If you can't leave that out. Yeah, get a password on that. Yeah, man, come on, man. Yeah, you should be locking that. If you can't lock that. I mean, it seems significant to me that the cleaning people had the same thumbprint as he does and were thus able to access his tablet. That seems like a concern. Needless to say, his password is 6969.

He'd jerk off in hotel rooms. Yeah. Just spelled out in numbers. So much work. It takes forever. It takes so forever. Let's take another call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse guest.

Calling in. I don't know if this is a moment of shame or a momentous occasion, but for the second time this summer, someone accidentally called my phone while they were having sex. Unfortunately, this time I thought it was just a bad signal, so I went outside of my office building to talk to the mother of the child I'm about to start babysitting. And just heard her going at it. Anyway, see you soon, hopefully. Adios. That's fun. That's a good time.

That doesn't seem like a problem. Yeah, right? Well, okay. I would love it if somebody would just interrupt my day with a phone call of them just going at it. I'm like, oh, this is nice. Thank you. That's something I miss about college. Just people are fucking around. Sure. Sometimes, like, by a

window, and you're like, oh, look, those people are fucking. Oh sometimes like by a window and you're like oh look those people are fucking oh look at you guys well off to class like have you ever walked out of a bar and seen people just going at

like oh you're just having sex in front of everybody yeah sure I was in I was in Cincinnati a couple years ago doing shows

and there's somebody in the parking lot just we knew what was going on there and we were like hey good for you yeah get that handle that that's yeah I think sex in general there shouldn't be any shame behind it like the last two things And there's somebody in the parking lot just, we knew what was going on there. We were like, hey, good for you. Yeah. Get that.

Handle that. That's, yeah, I think sex in general, there shouldn't be any shame behind it. Like the last two things that happened, I'm like, ah, what's, there's no shame. I'm having sex right now. Yeah. We're all cleaning our jack off tools. We haven't stopped having sex. We've just been having sex this whole time.

Have you guys seen the bathroom here at Max Money HQ? What's going on in that sink? Anyway, if you want to call us with a momentous occasion, it doesn't have to be about a weird sex thing that happened to you. A lot of weird sex calls lately, and that's fine.

I'm not going to turn you away at the door. Okay, you want to call and say that the lady you're babysitting for was fucking on the phone. That's great. God bless you. Good for you. You win. More power to you.

However, let it not be said that we do not value other non-sexual momentous occasion calls. Yes, indeed. Just stay away from local yokels. The only thing we don't want to hear about is a guy with a snake around his neck. That's like the other than a guy with a snake around his neck. Just give us a call. Let's see how it goes. Is it snake eye or sex?

Let's see how it goes. 206-984-4FUN. You can also email us at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, the voice of the millennial generation. I am Ricky Carmona. Come on, Ricky.

I'm sorry, the sleepy dude. Mr. Energy over here. I forgot, yo. I forgot. Spent all the juice he had on that imagination vacation to Chicago. I was thinking about DJing again, yo. I was hearing some beats in my head.

And of course, Solomon Giorgio here with us as well. Yes, yes, yes. Solomon Giorgio. Yes. A joy to have you on the program. I've been having the greatest time.

How can people who are now newly minted Solomon Giorgio fans follow up on that fandom? Well, the great way to follow up on that fandom is if you check out my website, which is the Solomon Giorgio dot com. There is the up front because I lost Solomon

Giorgio dot com like an idiot. To the other Solomon Giorgio. Exactly. No, it's a whole thing um but and also twitter at solomon georgio that's also another way to know what i'm doing how i'm doing it and where i can be doing it and also please don't use this to murder me use your twitter handle i'm just saying if you're gonna like i have all my dates and where i'm going to show so maybe if you want to murder me, don't. Can I real quick just address a concern I have?

So you probably, if you're listening to this show, you might have already identified the return of our friend Brian Sonny D. Fernandez to the boards. His voice already penetrating the admittedly Ricky Carmona weakened sound structure that we're inside of. I'm loud! Brian is back from his sojourn to Europe where he has a writing credit on an episode of The Royals this season, episode seven as I understand it. So watch out for that.

Television writer Brian Fernandez. Sitting behind Brian, who obviously is too successful to have this dumb job, is Christian Duenas, our sort of fill-in producer or board operator in the years in between. Christian is playing a Nintendo machine, a little hand Nintendo, like a Game Boy, but whatever that's called now. It's the game machines. Yeah. The little game machines.

Like a tiger electronic baseball situation. Oh, yeah, yeah, now. It's the game machines. Yeah. The little game machines. Like a tiger electronic baseball situation. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you playing Paperboy? Yeah. And inside of there, he has created little Nintendo men and women for everyone that works in this office. Oh. Everyone in his family and his best buddies from college that he dropped out of. So we all live together

in an apartment building inside of his nintendo and i don't know what this means or what to make of it he did a lot of work to make guys that look just like us and now like, he told me that he's trying to set me up with my wife, Teresa. What? Oh, wow. Inside of his Nintendo. And I'm worried that this is going to become a killer ventriloquist dummy situation. I don't understand how all the pieces fit together. Anyway.

Ricky Carmona, of course, you're doing stand-up all over everywhere. I'm still doing stand-up. You're on Twitter and Facebook. I'm on the Twitter. People should just befriend you on Facebook. Don't come to me on Facebook. Should they just befriend your high school girlfriends and sort of say, hey, I remember you from high school, and they've already

got a couple friends in common from high school. You're like, well, I don't remember you, but I'm not going to say anything. And then come murder you? Well, I mean, you know, unless your name is Miss Julian, please just don't come follow me. Don't find me. Okay, solid. If you're not his one true love, can you back off?

Ricky, always a joy. Thank you so much for filling in on short notice. Jordan working late this week. I am actually going to be, I'm headed to, on tour with Judge John Hodgman and then to London, England. Europa. I know. I'm going to be in London, England where I will be, where we're going to do two Judge John Hodgman shows at the London Podcast Festival at King's Place.

I'm also doing Bullseye with Jesse Thorne, my public radio program with special guests, including Armando Iannucci. What? The great Armando Iannucci. That's awesome. Josie Long, the brilliant stand-up comic Josie Long, one of the funniest people in the entire United Kingdom. And the brilliant electronic musician Romare will be there performing. Ninja tune recording artist Romare makes some really beautiful records. Plus more. Ninja Tune recording artist Romare makes some really beautiful records plus more so come see me in London

and we're going to have you'll hear our episode from MaxFunCon and you will be hearing an episode with Jordan while I'm out of town but we'll still be filling your ears with bullshit with whatever the fuck this is hashtag it JJGo on Twitter MaximumFun.reddit.com

for all the fun Reddit chatting. You can, of course, like Jordan Jesse Go on Facebook and join the Maximum Fun group on Facebook, which is a real nice bunch of folks. Seriously. Social media. Fucking MaxFun social media. The people are real pleasant.

Incidentally, this is something that I would have said something to Jordan about, but you guys, I never, you guys don't care about this at all, but I met Lothreeper

and it was really exciting for me, okay? Oh, there you go. I met Lothreeper. Congratulations. There you go. Congratulations. Thank you very much.

I'll figure out what to do for your disingenuous congratulations. No, that was good. I meant that. Congratulations, but also, it was a string I meant that. Congratulations, but also

it was a string of words I didn't understand. Brian Sonny D. Fernandez on the boards this week. Thanks to Christian Duenas for his months of dedicated service. Thank God I'll never have to see

his face again. Get out of here with that face. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jesse Go. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. talk to you next time on Jordan Jesse Go.