Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 452: Rotisserie Churro with Sara Watkins

Episode Date: October 31, 2016

Musician Sara Watkins joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of the new "shiny legs" meme, Jordan's stay at a hotel hosting Puppet Conf, and Sara's dream holiday craft project. Plus Jordan may or may not enter the Rant Zone to deliver one of his signature rants. 

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, the monster. I'm Jordan Morris, uh, the, the butterfly. Oh! Yeah, this is a show of contrasts. Oh, it's a real study in opposites. Big, small.

Yin, yang, grapes, apples. Marvel, DC, cars, ducks, shirts, planes, opposites. You and I have been looking for a way to really get rich off of this podcast for years. Look, we're not complaining. No. We earned some money from this show. We're grateful for it.

Well, and there's the love of fine art. Yeah. That we've cultivated through this show. Sure. Oh, I'm talking about the show we produce. Oh. As fine art. Oh, yeah, yeah.

The fact that we are grateful that we have the opportunity to fulfill our highest artistic ambitions through this podcast. What I mean is this show is as good as a painting. Oh, good. Have you seen that web video essay series, by the way? This show is as good as a painting. I haven't, but I also don't know what you're making a joke about. Okay, don't worry about it. Okay.

It's not important. What the fuck was going on? Oh, we're going to get rich. Yeah. Here's my idea of how we can get rich. Let's hear it. I don't know why, but the two most important things for babies to learn are the sounds that barn animals make. Yes.

You know that whole category of animals, barn animals, barnyard animals. There's a lot of things where you pull a string and it teaches you about a sound that a barn animal makes or something that you turn upside down. Are we just going to commit to barn animal? Yeah, sure. Okay, great. So the first thing that all children have to learn. Check out these couple of city slickers over here, huh? Barn animals.

Is what every barn animal says. The noise that every barn animal. The other is opposites. I think with this new, we could create a cool new, everybody's done. Up, down, left, right, big, small. Paula Abdul, MC Scat Cat. I think we just start with Paula Abdul and MC Scat Cat. Yeah.

Go from there. You got grapes and apples. Yeah. Cars and ducks. Cars and ducks. Cats and shirts, I think. Yeah. Right.

So I think we're set. Mm-hmm. Fucking write the check, I think. Yeah. Right. So I think we're set. Mm-hmm. Fucking write the check, show business. Yeah. Show business writes the children's book checks, right? Yeah. Well, maybe, I mean, maybe PBS should be writing the check. Where are you, children's television workshop?

This is basically Sesame Street. Where the fuck is CTW on this? That is a really good question. Don't know. Think of the merchant. Asleep at the switch. Think of the merchandising opportunities, Jordan. Let's talk about, what about a shirt with a cat on it?

Boy, howdy. It's a real contradiction. Yeah. But that's what gives it its frisson. Sure. Is this a cat? Is this a shirt? Yeah.

Is the dress white and gold? Is it painted legs? That's the new one of those. Painted legs? Have you seen those legs? No. Here's the pet. Our guest is nodding.

Our guest is nodding. So let's bring her into this conversation. Talk about these painted legs. Okay. Our guest on the program is an acclaimed musician, a beloved raconteur, certainly. She sings like an angel. She plays like an angel. Who shreds.

Angels play harps. Yeah. Uh, she's got a, she's got a brand new record album out in stores now. It's called Young in All the Wrong Ways. I nailed it. Sarah Watkins. Hello. Hi, Sarah.

Hello. How are you? Oh, I'm well. So Sarah, have you seen these internet legs that I was mentioning? I have. I saw them this morning. It was just on the screen when I was at the gym. And I was really confused because it is obviously legs and I don't know what the other option is.

I didn't really look into it. Does your gym just scroll memes on the screen? No, it was on, I think it was probably on CNN. CNN's covering the real hot topics. Let me explain these legs to you, Jesse. I am really surprised. I want to hear about this screen for a second. Yeah.

Because there is, there's a big screen at my gym, and it shows a picture of me backwards. Hmm. Like, if I raise my left arm, it's me raising my right arm on the screen. Jesse, that's a show. That's CBS. Oh. Are you not getting checks for this? I've been Kevin James this whole time.

Yeah. Fair enough. Mo Rocca on CBS Sunday Morning. Am I supposed to be doing comedy? Not sure. So these legs. Yeah. These are two legs.

I was talking about a mirror. Yeah. Yeah, I got it. It was a mirror. Went the other way with it. So these legs, if some people look at them and they see shiny legs, and some people look at them and see legs with paint stripes on them. What? And it's tearing our country apart. Leg legs with paint stripes on them. What? And it's tearing our country apart.

Legs with paint stripes on them? Am I getting that right, Sarah? I couldn't hear what they were saying, and I didn't care to read the subtitles. You couldn't hear what Wolf Blitzer was saying about this meme? But I definitely couldn't tell why. You are answering my question that I forgot to ask. Hold on. Why is this thing happening? But I definitely know answering my question that I forgot to ask. Hold on. About why is this thing happening.

But I definitely know that my impression was paint stripes on it. Show me tiny legs. Wait, no. Painted legs. Tiny legs? Yeah, the legs are normal size, Jesse. Show me shiny legs. Are you asking?

What do you mean? What happened to manners? You don't have to say please on these things. Okay. Are you asking? What do you mean? What happened to manners? You don't have to say please on these things. Siri. Please. Siri. Please. Jesse.

Siri, please. Manners. May I see. Siri, may I please see shiny legs? That's not a place. He thinks you want to go to shiny legs Nevada. Shiny legs. Shiny legs.

I don't. Siri saves so much time. The time saving is just really life changing. Look at us now. We're just zipping along. Just like moving along into the future. Sure. We're so much further into the future than we were.

I don't even need to drink Soylent anymore. Jesus Christ. Guys, I did not get a picture of the legs. Yeah. I'll tell you what I did get. I got three results nearby. Number one, cafe legs. Ooh, that sounds like a pretty saucy cafe.

Number two, E&J Legs and Tools Incorporated. What? Number three, My Lovable Legs. That's a place? If I just type shiny legs in, will I get shiny legs? Yeah, sure. Try it. Give it a shot.

It's called shiny legs, right? I don't know. What's the name of it, Jordan? I don't know. It's a legs meme. You are like the person. Ah! Golly! It's creepy the legs why are you afraid of the legs so shiny what the fuck is going on so you don't see the paint stripes you see them as shiny now look at it now look at it as if it's

just normal non-shiny legs with paint if you've never seen this fucking meme you are so angry right now do you think it's somebody's meme, you are so angry right now. Do you think it's somebody's job? Do you think the same people who came up with that dress are the same people who came up with this? And that, like, for a year they've been looking for the right follow-up. Yeah. I don't know how you turn this into income. Uh-huh.

But, I mean, maybe. Maybe, yeah. Paint stripes. Look at that. I also saw it. So I think out of the three of us, Sarah is the only one who saw it as paint stripes first. I saw it initially as shiny and later saw the paint stripes. Apologies if you haven't seen this meme.

It looks like either shiny legs or paint stripes just to bring people up to speed. Yeah. Hopefully you've had a chance to look at it at some point in our conversation. Why am I yelling so much today? I don't know. That's also funny that CNN took a break to show that meme. Yeah, they took a break from, you know, whatever else stupid thing they were talking about. I think Donald Trump was touring one of his golf courses probably.

Can I say a thing, R.E., the Republican nominee? Now, Sarah, here's some background for you. Yeah. I'm a journalist for National Public Radio. Uh-huh. I don't have any opinions about this election except for factual ones. Oh, yes. Just an FYI for you.

You guys probably are full of opinions. I already voted. I know Jordan's. By mail? Mm-hmm. Cool. Gary Johnson. You know it.

Yeah. Jordan's full of opinions and full of beans. Yeah. And pith and vinegar. This is not about policies or campaigning. Maybe it's about campaigning. On the way over here, not 10 minutes ago, I was on 6th Street sitting in traffic. Wouldn't you know it.

And for folks listening at home, if you don't live in Los Angeles, 6th is a street here in Los Angeles between 7th and 5th. And it's well known, as is the rest of Los Angeles, for dastardly traffic. Boy, it'll clog up on you. It's like an arterial clog, Sarah. So, driving down 6, sitting in traffic, I saw, sitting on a wall, very casually, a topless woman holding a poorly made Donald Trump sign. A topless woman holding a... It looked like it was a piece of butcher paper that she got from the school arts and crafts room.

And with a Bic pen had written in big letters Trump 2016 and she was just sitting topless on this wall holding it. And I have never wanted to know what someone's deal is more in my life. Wow. Yeah. What is that? Do you think it was just a school activity? It could have been. I mean, that would explain why she had that school paper.

Yeah. I mean, obviously she had access to some sort of art supplies. Maybe she worked at Michael's. Could be. That's another good possibility. Could it be that this is just viral marketing for Michael's? Do you think she might have worked at Joanne's Fabrics, but they got a roll of that butcher paper just in case they need to make signs? Hmm.

Yeah, maybe. They got big pens there. I know that much. Do you think the people at Joanne's Fabrics are friends with people that work at Michael's, or do you think they don't hang out together at all and they're like enemies? You know what I bet that? I bet. I think you're right. I think it's enemies but I think at some point in this tumultuous story there's been some sort of Romeo and Juliet situation. Yeah, I think so

too. Where a young Michael's and a young Joanne will often meet. You think it was the titular Michael and Joanne. No, and again I don't want to gender these people. It could be a Michael and a Michael or a Joular Michael and Joanne. No, and again, I don't want to gender these people. It could be a Michael and a Michael or a Joanne and a Joanne. Who am I to say?

Or a Pat and a Pat. Sure, exactly. Michael can be a lady's name. Absolutely. That's true. But Joanne's rarely a dude's name. But yeah, I bet at some point... Tell that to my Uncle Joanne. Yeah, I bet there's been a situation where they've had to meet under the cover of night

and smooch while they talk about the price of pipe cleaners at their various stores. Whose team are the folks from Orange Julius on? Oh, no. Orange Julius is a lone wolf. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. He doesn't have time for relationships, for being tied down. Sure, there's some foxy ladies at Cinnabon who would get him in trouble with his managers.

I think he's on the move, though. He just keeps on. Yeah. That's a good point. Keeps on juice. Keeps on juicing. You got to keep on juicing. Yeah, you don't try and tie down Orange Julius.

There was a time when I was really lost. on juicing. Yeah, you don't try and tie down Orange Julius, OJ. There was a time when I was really lost in my mid to late 20s, before I got married. I was making a lot of bad decisions, and I was really paralyzed on some other decisions. Sure.

So I headed to Ceremony Mall in Burlingame, California. Went down and had a chat with Orange Julius. You really? How many chats did you have? He really set me straight. Was this like over the course of several months?

Yeah. I mean, it's a continuing relationship. It's not something where you're going to get fixed in one session. Surely not. Sort of like therapy in that sense. Yeah. In fact, it kind of was my therapy. I'm getting that. That and surfing.

Uh-huh. And I went out there, and you know what it all came down to? And I actually, I'll show you. I got this tattooed on my dick. Keep on juicing. Gotta keep on juicing. Keep on. Yeah. Of the

things from my childhood that I I had to write it small. You did it. And but you did have them color your testicles like

two giant oranges though. Yeah well if you're gonna do it do it. You gotta keep on juicing buddy. Go big or go home.

That's what OJ says. Talking about Orange Julius not Notorious Memorabilia Thief Arendelle Simpson. A co-worker of mine called him that. I'm not making that up. I fucking wish I made that up. Jesse Joyce, funny guy.

Arendelle James Simpson. Lentil James. Of the things that I liked in childhood that I tried again as an adult, hugest dip in satisfaction from Orange Julius. I fucking loved Orange Julius as a kid. And I was at the Burbank Mall earlier this year. And Orange Julius in L.A., few and far between. You're not running into a Julius. You got to seek it out.

You got to go out of your way or you have to accidentally be at a mall in Burbank. Yeah. I mean, you can have your assistant go get it. Sure. Yeah. I guess I could postmates one. Sure. I'm like, hey, there's a Julius.

Blast from the past, right? Yeah. Sure. I get a Julius. This Julius was so bad. Really? It was just this sugary, icy thing that had a tinge of orange flavor, but like if you had accidentally like squirted on some like orangey scented like dish cleaner. Do you think you're dealing with the same recipe that they had back then? You know, yeah,

it might be. It might be that the founder died and took the recipe to his grave and people have just been wildly trying to approximate it. Yeah.

I think that Orange Julius is not the same without the 12 secret herbs and spices. Yeah. You gotta have those herbs. Gotta have those herbs and spices.

I don't know. What kind of herbs do you think go in that? That kind of thyme metallic herb thing. You in that? That kind of thyme metallic herb. Sure. You got that. Gotta.

And, of course, nutmeg. Yeah. And then 11 nutmegs. The tears that come after you fail your GED exam. That's one of the spices. And it could be just that I had a bad batch. It could be that I had a cup situation. Maybe this was a tainted cup.

But boy, it was disappointing. I'm sorry about that. It was such a treat to get a Julius. Have you ever made a fake orange Julius in a blender? Yeah, you get that powder, right? No, I made it from some kind of recipe. You know how they got a recipe on the internet to make Otis Bunkmeyer's cookies? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Here's the secrets to Famous Amos. We kidnapped his daughter. Right. We mailed Famous Amos a finger. He thought it was his daughter's. He sent us the recipe. Yeah, it involved ice cubes, sugar, orange juice, maybe milk or eggs? I think eggs.

I could totally see eggs in there. Eggs? It's like old-fashioned kind of recipe. I would like there to be eggs in there. Yeah. Yeah. But the homemade one is good? It's no limonada de coco.

Well. That's my favorite homemade blender drink. But, yeah, I remember liking it. It's a disappointment. But it's one of those things where you're so invested by the time you get to the final product. Right. That you are obliged to enjoy it. And you can find your way in, right?

Like, you know the ingredients. You can kind of be like, oh, there's that egg. Sarah, did you have a favorite mall treat growing up? I had a lucky day when we were at Kmart and I was a kid. And one Kmart had a churro-making machine. Oh, boy. And my parents were not softies when it came to me asking for things. They didn't give in very often, but my mom must have been having a weak day, and she flat-out bribed me with a churro.

If you are good, you get a churro. Were you not being good? Were you being a handful? I feel like I was being sweet as can be. Sweet as a churro. Yeah. But obviously not quite as sweet as I was going to be once I knew the churro was in my future. And that churro became the brass ring that I hoped for every time we went out.

When you say a churro machine, are you talking about a- Oh, no. Just the rotisserie. Oh, just the rotisserie. You're not talking about like a vat of fat. They were not frying it in there. It was just the rotisserie churro. It was like a-

These churros have been sitting in a warehouse for several weeks. So good. Just crammed on the stick. So good. Yeah. Get a free hot dog. I really enjoyed These churros have been sitting in a warehouse For several weeks So good And just crammed on the stick So good Yeah Get a free hot dog I really enjoyed that churro Man there was a churro truck

By my house And it has not been showing up But it was showing up Friday and Saturday nights That's cool You eat a fucking fresh churro Oh my god fresh churro Jesus Christ Fresh churro

Jesus fucking Christ Stale churro Pretty good Yeah Fresh churro But yeah fresh churro is a fucking Christ. Stale churro, pretty good. Yeah. Fresh churro. But yeah, fresh churro is a mind blower. It's like a gateway to heaven. Yes.

You could buy a churro. You could buy one of those five for a dollar churros that a lady sells you out of a Home Depot bucket. Sure. That's still pretty fucking good. That she herself bought from some middleman that bought it at Costco at the end of the day after they unfroze it. You know what I mean? All that shit. That's still seven and a half out of ten at least.

Fucking right out of the fryer. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. When I was a kid, we'd go up to – I lived in San Diego growing up. And the local mountains, Julian is like this little mountain touristy town. And there was a general store there where you could get, you know, hamburgers and like stationery. And little like –

Sure. Probably like the horseshoe – the two horseshoes chained together, and you'd get a ring off of that thing. Yeah, sure. You know, like the little puzzles like that. Sure. And you could get chocolate malts. Mm-hmm. And they gave you the chocolate malt in the tin,

and they pour it in the cup, and they give you the tin because it doesn't all fit in the cup. Oh, yeah. And it was so good. I mean, the chunks of ice cream still in there. There was a big, long spoon, the icy tin canister. Yeah. And it's, yeah, the malt in the glass has a different quality than the malt in the tin.

So it's like two different desserts. Totally. Yeah. I always preferred the tin. Yeah, the tin is that. It's kind of frozen to the edges after you pour out like half of it into the cup for your brother. It's kind of frozen to the edges after you pour out like half of it into the cup for your brother. And there's a quality to that tin milkshake or there's a vibe about it to where like maybe you're not supposed to be having this.

Yeah. Oh, it's extra. Hey, kid. But just for you. Don't tell. Yeah, I don't do this for everybody. Totally. I'm a simple soda jerk. I don't go giving out malted.

But you have a certain something. And they already did that thing where they go clank, clank, clank, clank, clank with the bottom flat against the thing. Or like shook it up on the thing. Sort of like when cigarette smokers are tapping the end of their pack of cigarettes. Like, oh, yeah. We're making this happen. You are about to get a sweet treat. Making it extra good.

Yep. The more I smack it, the tastier it gets. I malted this. Ooh. I like your nasty soda jerk voice. Yeah, what do you want, a phosphate? Ooh. Cherry lime, Ricky. How about an egg green?

Ugh. Gross. Let's never meet that character again. Want some nickel again. On the- Want some nickel candy? On the topic of disappointment, I had a little bit of a disappointing experience in Sarah's hometown last weekend. Of San Diego?

San Diego. Now I'll- San Diego de California? I will say right now that it was not because of San Diego itself, which is a beautiful place. It was not because of the US Navy, was it? No, I love our boys in white. Okay. Everybody. The captains, the admirals, the bosons, the gun guys, everybody. Goose, Maverick, Everybody. Goose, Maverick, the whole gang.

Sure. So I was in San Diego. I was joining some friends at a craft beer and music festival. I don't know if you guys knew this. I'm a fun guy in my 30s. Did you guys know that I'm a fun guy in my 30s? I had no idea you were a fun guy in your 30s. Yeah, I am. I'm always doing shit like that.

I'm going to craft beer music festivals, kickball, bar trivia, escape rooms, you name it. Yeah. I'm doing all this. I got no kids. It's a disposable income. Ski ball league. Ski ball league. I signed for a ski ball league in Silver Lake yesterday.

What? Oh, boy. Yuck. Jeez. Yuck. Jeez. Yuck, but also that sounds kind of fun. Yeah, they're probably fun. Yeah. End of the day, that's probably fun.

End of the day, yeah. Oh, it's amazing. It's probably a fucking blast. Are you kidding? Get some craft beer in there? Yeah. Turn some music on? Oh, very hoppy.

You're right. You're right. I'd be hoppy if I was in that league. I will say yuck to that until I get invited to do it, and then I will do it. Absolutely. IPA. That's my vote. Do you think that when the – oh, my gosh.

When the Ski Ball League – do you get the little tickets, though? I should hope so. Right? That's part of it. I should hope so. And yeah, everyone – How else do you know who wins? Yeah.

The longest ticket length wins. Who gets the most Tootsie Rolls at the prize counter. Yeah. And you turn them in for sex acts. Right. As an adult. It's mostly for singles. It's for adults.

It's for singles. Yeah. So in San Diego. So I decided to kind of beat that. I'm like, hey, I'll beat the Saturday morning traffic for all the weekenders. Right. I'll go down Friday night. I jumped on hotwire.com.

I love hotwire.com. Not a sponsor, just a fine service. It's a great, great website. Found myself. You can find it online at hotwire.com. It's like www.ht. Is there a, how does? Yeah, you're going to want to put in the three W's or else it will take you to a very upsetting pornography site.

Hotwire.com, disgusting pornography, www.hotwire.com, a great place for deals. Jumped on Hotwire, found myself a $50 hotel, drove down. Not enough money to spend on a hotel, but keep going. Yeah. I was thinking it was like already I'm buying this thing at 8 at night. Right. So I'm going to get there at 10 or 11. Right.

So I'm figuring, you know. And it was a three and a half star situation. That's not too bad. What are we looking at? A holiday inn? This was a big property. It was a – with Hotwire, you don't know the name. Right.

So – But you eventually got there. Yeah. They tell you the name after you – Yeahwire, you don't know the name. Right. But you eventually got there. They tell you the name after you pay for it. When you get there. Yeah, they don't just put a pin in your GPS and say, drive here. Hotwire, you just pay, and then two huge Samoan men come, put a bag over your head, put you in a bear hug, and throw you in the back of a van. Yeah, but you get a hug in it. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, and there ain't no hug like a Samoan hug. No, sir. Yeah. It's all enveloping. Have you tried hugging the rock? Get a hug from former 49er center Jesse Sapolu. Sure. Any Samoan.

Yeah. Always hugging. Sorry if you're tonguing Jesse Sapolu. So I forget what it is. It's a big property, a lot of different hotel rooms, some bungalows. But I'm pulling up and on the sign where you would kind of say what's going on or you would welcome a certain group to your hotel. Right. Or you'd have a fun rhyming saying about Jesus.

Yeah, exactly. Sure. Yeah. On that sign, it said, welcome, Puppet Conf 2016. Puppet Conf. I know. That's what I did. I went, oh.

Wow. And I was like, holy fuck, what great luck. I am staying at a hotel with a puppet conf, a fucking puppet conf. Like, I'm like, do I even want to go to this music thing tomorrow? I should just hang around. Yes. Why? Why is it conf and not just conf?

The floor recognizes Sarah Watkins, singer-songwriter. Yeah. Well, I didn't think anything of it. I just thought misspelling didn't have enough letters. Maybe that's what people are calling conferences. Too many letters. Too many letters. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I guess a con is different than a conference. A con has kind of a fan. Convention. Yeah, yeah. Conference. I see. Yes, go ahead. Either any way you slice it, I could not be more thrilled to have seen puppet conf on this sign. Okay. Because here's what I'm imagining.

Yeah. Is a weekend of me hanging out at the hotel bar with a bunch of dudes in bow ties who have little puppets with them and they have a drink and the puppet has a tiny drink. Right. And he takes a drink and the puppet talks to you and then he takes a little drink of

his drink and the guy talks to you. Everybody's drinking and talking. They've got puppets. You're in and you go in the hot tub. There's Muppets in there and And there's just puppets everywhere. And you can't even believe that it's happening. And the best part in my mind of puppet conference, we all have biases. Sure.

We all have little yesterday's retrograde opinions, things that we wouldn't say in mixed company, and so on and so forth, okay? What you can do is put a sock on your hand, and the puppet's saying it. You're not saying it. Sure. The puppet's saying it. The puppet's saying it.

So, yeah, you can put it on there. Obama wasn't born in America. Whoa. Show me the birth certificate. The puppet is crazy. I know. What is going on with this puppet? Why is he speaking such harsh truths?

He's from a different time. Yeah. Hey, guys, 9-11 was an inside check. Come on. Come on, sock. Sparky. Sparky, the sock puppet on my hand. You also get to be in a bar that is twice as populated and

just the same amount of noise. Sure. Or half the noise, depending on what you... You know what the puppet's saying when he's drinking too much? Hey, I'm just filling up my wooden leg. He's got a wooden leg, guys. He's made of wood. And Sarah, I think you're

kind of onto something. It's a bar that's twice as full. Yeah. That's think you're kind of on to something. It's a bar that's twice as full. Yeah. That's two times the chances to score, baby. What? Could score with the puppeteer, could score with the puppet. Yeah.

I don't dissimilar... No! Disgusting soda jerk, what are you doing here? Who wants some butt candy? I thought... Disgusting soda jerk was totally a bad con.

He was... Saltwater taffy, baby. Let me read you a description of what puppet conf is from puppetconf.com oh no this is such a score in your life to have been there this is going to be worse than that time that i got that pediatric foot diseases thing in the mail puppet conf 2016 is a two plus day conference that will include in person training more than 80 education sessions

the opportunity to connect with more than 100 expert speakers about subjects such as IT, DevOps, cloud management next generation infrastructure application delivery security and compliance, continuous delivery

career and personal development, and more. It's not about fucking puppets. It's a tech thing. Puppet Conf has no puppets at it. If they were there, it's incidental. I mean, there's probably a few puppets there. There might have been some. There's some

circus skills at that conference. Rip-off. Yes. There's a few skills that are developed over a long childhood spent alone in a room. I wanted to hear a panel on how you keep your hand from getting tired when you're holding it above your head with a little puppet on it. Yes. You got it. That's the kind of talk.

Is it meditation? Yes. Are you singing songs? Kegels. I don't know. Kegels. How do you, in your head? Kegels. I want to fuck Ahmed, the dead terrorist. That's one of Jeff Dunham's puppets. Yeah.

Boy, it was so disappointing. I just, I had this magical weekend in my head. I stayed in a hotel in Las Vegas that was hosting a women's bodybuilding competition once. Okay. How did that manifest? Well, always full of very muscular women being followed by toadyish small men. It really fulfilled exactly what your worst terror about what it would be like to be the bodybuilding women while they had go on grotesque physiques okay as all bodybuilders do i think uh i think all bodybuilders who build

for definition or whatever and then like oil themselves up as Like I don't think that like muscle weightlifters, weightlifters. Weightlifters have unusual bodies but not grotesque ones. But those people who like twist their arms so like new muscles show up, that's a little weird to me. But then, yeah, like tiny dudes following them around like basically licking their boots. It was very uncomfortable for me. Oh, my. Like every one of these women had a tiny dude following her around

who was smaller than her and like one step behind and one step to the left. I imagine that's also what it's like at Puppet Con. Oh, yeah. You've got those dev skills, baby. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I will swim occasionally at the Culver City Municipal Plunge. Well, congratulations.

I'm making plunge money. Congratulations. I don't want to say how much I make because it's crass. William Randolph Hearst. I like William Randolph Worst. Am I right? No, it's best. Okay, sorry.

I'm the best. Got it. You're not the am I right? No, it's best. Okay, sorry. I'm the best. Got it. You're not the worst at all? No, no, I'm the best. Got it. Yeah. I do love You're the Worst on FXX. Sure.

Coming soon to Game Boy. You got it. I don't know if you can watch it on a Game Boy. Game Boy Color you can watch. Yes, you can watch it on Game Boy Color. Yes, you can watch it on Game Boy Color. And there was a muscle guy competition going on in their volleyball gym. This seemed like a very amateur muscle guy competition because this is not an international stage.

This wasn't one of those lucrative, classy muscle guy competitions. No, it's like a rec league. Yeah, yeah. It seemed like a rec league. Yeah. Yeah. It seemed like it. And the muscle men were all there in their muscle man shorts, bikini bottoms. And all these fellas were taking turns oiling each other up. They were helping each other. There was a community spirit there. Was there like one of those chocolate fountains, but it's just coconut oil or whatever? Right.

Yeah. And they can dip their marshmallows in there. It's like going to hometown buffet. Oh, yeah, and they can dip their marshmallows in there. It's like going to a hometown buffet. Oh, you call them marshmallows, huh? Yeah, that's what I call lats. Got it. And I was really like, it was a really beautiful scene to kind of walk in on. You know, this kind of like one of these communities that forms around a kind of eccentric hobby.

It sounds like one of those 17th century paintings. Mm-hmm. Where everybody is in a different pose. Mm-hmm. And everyone's up to something. One guy's holding a stein. Mm-hmm. And one guy's going, and somebody's getting murdered in the corner.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I love to find those things that are just happening all the time. Mm-hmm. And I have no idea that they're happening. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I love to find those things that are just happening all the time. And I have no idea that they're happening. You know what I mean? Like, this is a culture of LA. I had no idea that happens.

Yeah. You know, that these people get together. And they, you know, especially when they're amateurs. Because very few people have hobbies. Like, take time to actually invest in their hobbies. And they set aside time from their job and their life and their responsibilities, and they dedicate themselves all together to this thing that they all just geek out and are nerdy for. Yeah.

And it's so great and just makes me so happy to know that that little clan of people, that little tribe is doing that. What about you sarah what about me what are you up to in your free time what's a what's this acclaimed singer songwriter sarah watkins up to when she's not uh when she's not practicing on the old four string or whatever you call it that's what you call fiddles yeah yeah the old four string how many strings on a fiddle you're right four yeah fuck you um i you know i don't i don't really make the time for a hobby the way that i should and i i wish that i did and that's one thing i like about the holidays is i feel like there is some kind of pull to indulge a little more in little things like, you know, if you're going to make cards for someone or like making a gift a little bit different or cooking or baking or things

that, I don't know, something about this time of year makes me feel like I have a better excuse or almost like a responsibility to indulge that side of myself that I often don't really do. Right. Yeah. It doesn't feel, right, it feels like it's in service of the communal holiday spirit and not just your whims or whatever.

Totally. But I kind of wish it was my whims. There'll be little projects that we'll do over a weekend or a week or something, but not like a rhythm. I'm a big fan of my own whims. Gotta love those whims.

My mom's best bud, one of my mom's best buds is this guy called Eric. And Eric, these days actually Eric works a full-time job. But when I was a kid, he was sort of a stay-at-home partner in a couple. He would take care of his husband some. But mostly he would work on these elaborate projects. And he's a man of extraordinary skills. Like he's just – he's now a professional like high-end handyman. But like he can literally do anything like he's got

like a horticulture degree and can cook anything can fix anything can make anything um he's like for like another hobby of his is like fixing speakers and giving them away but he would go to wherever all lolly berries come from every year. My grandma had a lolly berries. Yeah, like Central California or somewhere. You don't hear about them. It's like the heart of a lolly berry country. I can't even picture this berry.

What does it look like? It looks like a blackberry. Okay. It's similar to a blackberry. But they have a very narrow season. Like the season's like a month or something. So he would go to a lolly berry country, which was like, I don't remember, a multiple hour drive from San Francisco.

Then he would buy literally like a car full of lullaberrys, which are very affordable at the peak of a lullaberry season. You don't sound very natural saying the word a lullaberry. You should have heard me saying coelacanth last week. Coelacanth. I don't sound very natural saying the word a lolly berry. You should have heard me saying coelacanth last week.

Coelacanth. I don't know. Somebody tried to correct me, but you can't correct somebody's pronunciation in text very effectively. Sure. Coelacanth. Also, no one likes getting corrections about their pronunciation. Yeah. So, yeah, don't do that either.

But it's okay. Coelacanth. Look, it's an ancient fish from deep under the sea. So he would make a volume of a lullaby pies and jam that he would spend like four days just exclusively making jam and pies. And... He's sticking himself in a real jam hole. Yeah. Yeah, jamming himself right up in there.

It's like a K-hole, but for jam. It was amazing. I think anyone who does one of those projects where at the end they have so much and they have to give it away, that's fun to me. That's pretty good. My grandma used to do that.

There was always jam in the freezer and pies and stuff. And yeah, I think that that's the way with berries in general. I feel like you just got to get while the getting's good. A couple times a listener named Cruftbox brought me sausages that he made. He just sent me a message. I think I live in your neighborhood. You want some sausages?

I was like, yeah. Of course I want some sausages. Yes. You have sausage. Like, that is amazing. Yeah. I don't know how the sausage gets made, but bring it to my house. Yes, please.

So good. Sarah, you were talking about holiday indulgences, but while we were talking, you were also saying that you are kind of in the middle of a super heavy touring situation are you going to get to be home for the holidays or are you on the road i'm going to come home for thanksgiving and um and we do christmas we will do christmas um in uh in virginia virginia beach where my uh my husband's family lives and um what's a virginia beach like? Well, it's inside usually. Okay. Lots of inside time.

Because you listen to a lot of beach music, a lot of Chairman of the Board. That's right. We just put sand in the living room, put our lawn chairs down, sit in front of the fire. When I was a DJ in Washington, D.C., I was like a wedding DJ's assistant. One time I was at a party and I did not know what – or at a wedding reception, I did not know what beach music is. I got yelled at so much by a father of a bride for not knowing what beach music is. It's a really specific subgenre of R&B that white people enjoy. Ah.

Yeah. It's like a yacht rock? No. You would think it is. It's music that you do the shag to. It's a very specific shagging music. It's like a regional sound for coastal like Maryland, Virginia, like mid-Atlantic to northern southern states. And it's very specific.

Uh, and it's very specific and like one of the guys from the chairman of the board had seven beach music hits in the seventies and eighties after. Yeah. Like it's so weird. The beach music charts. Yeah. I feel like the band from animal house maybe was a beach music band. Yeah. It's very weird.

Anyway, I'm sorry. I interrupted. A Virginia Beach Christmas. A lot of indoor time. A lot of indoor time. Yeah, I mean, there's lots of cooking, and we don't get to see that part of the family very often, so it's mostly just catching up and- Don't care for them. Togetherness.

No, I wish that we could see them more, but my parents live close by, and we kind of alternate. We do that thing. Oh, I wish that we could see them more. But my parents live close by and we kind of alternate. We do that thing. But I love, like, if I can get a few days to just, like, sit on the floor and spread out. I'm not good at crafts or drawing or anything. I have not progressed at all since I was in, like, third grade.

But I still really love it. And I just want to put on movies and cut paper and sew with it and just do Putting on a movie and wrapping presents is the best. It's the best. Nothing's better. So good. What is your dream holiday craft project? Unlimited resources, unlimited time. What are you putting on a movie and doing for the holidays?

Let's just say that the holiday season lasted from now until forever. You know, I've never really thought about this. I feel a little pressure to choose the right answer. It better not involve those silver cookie balls. Silver balls that go on cookies. Nah, man. You can't really eat them. I hate that.

I pour a shot glass of those and throw them back. Oh, really? For a hard day. Who knows what they're made of? If I've had a really hard day, I take that shot glass full of cookie balls and I drop it into a pint glass full of frosting. Uh-huh. Yeah. It's called a North Pole car bomb.

Got it. Really setting yourself up for success tomorrow. Exactly. Yeah. I mean, the next day is a little bit rough. It's a gift that keeps on giving. Yeah. I don't know.

I feel like tomorrow, if you're eating those silver balls, those don't digest well. Tomorrow's going to be magical. Oh, yeah. They're coming out in your poops.

Ideally. Yeah. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas in my toilet bowl. Oh, that's good. Yeah.

I was going to say something like, I've got balls in poop bowl oh that's good yeah I was gonna say something I've got balls in poop yours was fine too songs are fun we don't usually just talk about poop Sarah no I'm I'm completely happy to talk about poop as long as you guys like

it's gross to me is poop gross to you? a little bit why? isn't it funny though that we all it's poisonous as your first bit i think it is right probably i mean like that's why we're so revolted by it isn't it probably

yeah i think you're right yeah it's got all this stuff it's like a concentrated version of all the stuff we're not supposed to have all the bad stuff yeah it's just so funny to me i think about it like once a week or like a couple times a month when I find myself in a public bathroom, just how weird it is that we all just go to this room. We're all walking around normal, like, you know, on our trying to look nice and probably trying to be courteous. You're wearing a nice dress right now. Well, thank you. Yeah, see, but soon I will go to a bathroom, which is just the place that we all decide. It's a hole we put our poops in. It's a room and all of a sudden just everything that's like human and gross about you just happens in there.

It's terrible. And we all just act like it's normal, which I guess it is. But it's strange that it's not. A guy talked to me at a urinal the other day and I was so not having it. It was so unacceptable to me. He just wanted regular. And I want to be absolutely clear. This is not about homophobia.

It wasn't about that I was concerned he was going to look at my dick or something. He just wanted regular good times in Bonhomie, the fellowship of man. He just wanted to be genial and pleasant to me. It was the last thing I wanted in a thousand million billion years. the fellowship of man. He just wanted to be genial and pleasant to me. It was the last thing I wanted in a thousand million billion years. I am trying to use my eye power to cut a hole into the wall in front of me right now. Don't come at me like I'm looking for friends. Dude, what was his opener?

And Sarah, you're not off the hook. I do want to hear about your Dreamcraft project. But I do want to hear about how Toilet Guy opened this convo. It was something real regular, like, hell of a day we're having. You know what I mean? It was something that was purely pleasant that I experienced as though a thousand babies were being tortured to death by nails screeching on a chalkboard. Like that was the level of. He's allergic to it. Like the sound effect that means you're in a living hell.

Like all the screams and the poking sounds. Like that's what his like, hey, bud, how's it going? Sounded like to me. Yeah. I had a bathroom. Let's call it a mishap. And, Sarah, we are totally fucking getting back to your Dreamcraft project. But I need to tell this.

We're giving you some time to build up. I need to hear this toilet oopsie. Talk about this oopsie. So for work, Sarah, I work for a TV show. And while the TV show is taping, the writers, we don't have too much to do during the taping. But, you know, we're supposed to kind of be there and be present for, you know, if something goes wrong, if they, you know, want some alternate lines for something, you know, whatever. But usually it's pretty safe to kind of like relax. You know, you can hang around.

You can enjoy some craft service. Crafty, I call it. Sorry, what does that stand for? Oh, craft services. It's, you know, like food, drink, you know, things that they bring in for the creative so we can be at our best. Got it. I call that crafting. Cool.

So, you know, once in a while something comes up, but usually not. And when we're having a long day, I like to use this kind of taping period to have a poop. Just to have some time for yourself. Wait, does this mean you have control over when this is going to happen? I mean, there's a time when my body is ready to poop. I know about that

because our longtime friend and former co-host, big time Gene O'Neill, had very strict windows. His window would open and it would close. If he didn't get to the bathroom. It closes?

The window closes? His window absolutely would close. The window of the atis. Yes, exactly. I am not that hard line about it. The sphincter? Yeah. I can, you know, I'm the master of my own poops.

Got it. But I'm not a cruel master. You don't have a lot of poopsies. No. So the bathroom at our studio is fine. There's a bathroom two offices over. Over at the Price is Right. Over at the Price is Right.

Not at the Price is Right. I don't know what goes on in this building. Something. Post-production price i don't know what goes on in this building something post-production i don't know i think this is the this lot that we work on is just kind of office spaces and shows come and shows go and you know it's just kind of there for general use so i'm i like this other bathroom it's bigger it's cleaner and they got a speaker piping in 92.3 the wave the wave which is a nice soft rock station and they will

and when you're pooping to silence is nothing compared to pooping to Genesis I'm talking of course about Phil College Genesis not the Sega Genesis which we talk about more on this show than Phil College Genesis I Yeah. Not the Sega Genesis, which we talk about more on this show than Phil College Genesis. I don't know why.

Yeah. And both of them more than Peter Gabriel Genesis. What's wrong with Peter Gabriel Genesis? Nothing. Well, for one thing, you can't play Flashback on it. That's true. Yeah.

Can't play Madden 95. Yeah. Can't play Bulls versus Blazers. Step up your game, Peter Gabriel's Genesis. Call us when you get Vector Man. Just listed all the Genesis games I had. It's pretty good. So I like this other bathroom.

It's a little bit of a hike, but I think it's worth it. I'm worth it. Yeah, and you got it. The window's open. My bowels are worth it. Yeah. And you got it. The window's open.

My bowels are worth it. Yeah. So I go over for my daily, you know, wave time. Uh-huh. I enjoy myself. I'm coming out of the store and one of the PAs runs up frantically to me. It's like, where have you been? They need you on set.

And I had to run in. Something needed to be be changed they needed me to sign off on it uh crisis averted but everyone while i was in there was just holding and waiting for me that no one could find like the studio audience the whole nine yards everybody yeah like the whole production was waiting for me to change this one thing that nice warm-up guy was already burning through all his material? Yes. He probably already used that thing about the car crash. Yeah, warm-up guy had talked about his ex-wife nine times. And I had to – and when they asked, where were you?

Like everyone was annoyed with me. And I had to say, I'm sorry, I go over to the other building to poop. Like, I just had to let everyone know that I have this poop preference. Wow. And the crowd of confused tourists stood as one. I have a poop preference. And then everyone said, I have a poop preference. No, I have a poop preference.

So the next day. It's a lot like a pleasure principle. Yes. Did you have some wave time the next day? I did. I'm still having wave time. But I'm just making sure that when I'm have some wave time the next day? I did have – I'm still having wave time. It's not – but I'm just making sure that when I'm having my wave time, it's not – it won't – it's not at a time when I could potentially be called into action. I see.

So anyway. So yeah. It's good that it didn't put a hamper on all that, that whole thing. Yeah. Now you don't have to use the little stupid in-house bathroom. Exactly. Yeah. I'm going to the musical bathroom. So, Sarah, your ideal craft project.

If the holidays are unlimited, unlimited resources, what are you doing? You're building a structure of some kind. Like an oil derrick? No. like an oil derrick no my dad is super super handy and uh there are always like seems like there's always buildings going up on their property i would i would i would build a small i mean if this is just like i i can i don't have to do anything else yeah yeah i'm gonna like Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to like build a little small house. Wow. How small? Like for the show Tiny Houses?

No, no. You know, like a reasonable size. I would say like, you know, like an apartment size, like 800 square feet, something like that. How is this a holiday project? You guys told me it's going to last forever. It's unlimited, Jessie. It could be a gingerbread apartment. Thank you so much. Does it have to be themed? I can decorate it with like holly if it'll make you happy. Yeah could be a gingerbread apartment. Thank you so much. Does it have to be themed?

I can decorate it with, like, holly if it'll make you happy. Yeah, like a Christmas in July thing. Yeah, Jesse, would holly make you happy? Tinsel? What's it going to take to slake your thirst? Of course holly and tinsel would make me happy. Throw in a tin can. P.S. I'm a goat.

Oh, boy. The things I like to eat. Do goats like to eat tinsel? I don't know.S. I'm a goat. Oh, boy. There are things I like to eat. Do goats like to eat tinsel? I don't know. Sure. Goats eat anything. I guess so. It's the best thing about goats.

No, best thing about goats is they can stand anywhere. Yeah. So this structure, this holiday structure that you're building, this is in addition to your regular house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is just like a cool extra place to go. Cool. Just for some private time. Yeah, you know, some wave time.

Well, you could pipe in 92.3, the wave. Exclusively. Get some shuffleboard in there. I'm assuming they turn into a holiday station during holidays. What about a bowling alley? One lane bowling alley, like in the basement of the White House? No desire for a bowling alley. Nothing, huh?

You just got a hard no to that. Yeah. I'm not interested in that. What about a curling ice rink for curling? Are you a fan of curling? It's like frozen bowling. Yeah. So when did you first go bowling?

What was the first time you went bowling? Probably at the Rock and Bowl, guys. Might have been the Rock and Bowl. Might have been the Rock and Bowl. Could have been the Rock and Bowl. Was this recently? No, no. I did recently go bowling with Hamilton creator Lin-Manuel Miranda. Stupid.

Of course you did. At a bowling alley inside of- The White House. Not Grand Central Station, Penn Station, one of those famous stations of New York. No, the Port Authority bus terminal. There's a bowling alley

in there? There's a bowling alley in there, and it's one of those bowling alleys that's trying to be cool. Yeah. But it's doing a bad job. That's a weird thing that's happening. So it's kind of doing it then. Yeah, but it was the Broadway Bowling League, and I bowled with the Hamilpins. Oh, my gosh. Are you kidding me?

Yeah, it was a ton of fun. How did you get to do it? I very, very, very vaguely know Lin-Manuel Miranda. Jeepers. And television celebrity John Hodgman was with me. I'm sure that helped. I wonder, like, so these Broadway people get, like, 10 hours off a week. Yeah, and they go bowling.

And they go bowling. They're real fun. They are real fun because they're fun, you know, they're fun. They're fucking theater dorks. Do you think the Hamiltons are going to play Oh, Hello? Yeah, I think probably so. I really want to see that game. We pulled against Fun Home.

The Fun Home team. I don't remember what they were called, but that show had already closed. I'm thinking, what's the bowling pun in Fun Home? There might not be one. I don't remember, but there was a guy on that team called Sasquatch. That's good. Yeah, he had that on his bowling shirt. He had a bowling shirt.

Yeah, well, the nice thing was Lynn was DJing, but it was just like on a computer. So you had to listen to a lot of Pandora ads. Occasionally you'd have to listen to an ad for Dos Equis. He was, they don't have Annie Up in there. He's like, what song do you want to hear, Jesse? I'm like, Annie Up by M.O.B. That's always the answer to that question. Didn't have it in there, huh?

Yeah, didn't have Pitching in Our Party by DJ Quick either. What if you're just doing a computer game and you just boot it up on something? Didn't have Rosa Parks by OutKast. So he couldn't just go on... No, it was a special computer, the bowling computer that he gets to use because he's a MacArthur Genius grantee. Sure. So that means you could operate a bowling computer.

That's the first thing that happens. But you just couldn't... If you win a Polk Award, George K. Polk Award, you would not believe the shit you get. Oh, boy. Yeah. If you win a Brene Brith Award, you get access to the nacho cheese squirter. So wait. But it wasn't connected to the internet?

You couldn't just go on YouTube and stream it or something? It was a closed system. Huh. And it must have only had 300 songs in it. Why not just have a two-box? It was like a karaoke computer. You know how a karaoke computer is always a little disappointing? Mm-hmm.

Yeah, well, that's what was going on there. If they're going to try and be cool and just stop the computer thing, either have silence. Sure. Oh, my gosh. How great would that be to not have to have music? A silent bowling alley? Mm-hmm. Oh.

It would be pretty amazing. No music is like heaven sometimes. If it was like one of those acoustically dead rooms where nothing can make sound, and you roll the bowling alley down and just nothing happens, you don't hear anything, and you just watch the pins fall completely silent. And everybody's like wearing surgeon's masks. Yeah, and then at the

end, we find out that actually you are the grotesque one for looking like a human because everyone else has one of those weird pig faces. Sure, yes. Twilight Zone bowling. Yeah. Yeah.

Interesting. Boy, I wish I could think of a fun home bowling pun. Yeah. Disappointed in myself. Yeah. There's probably one out there. Yeah. Frames.

Spare. Strike. Nacho cheese dispenser. Nothing. Budding lesbianism. There you go. Yeah. Theo cheese dispenser. Nothing. Budding lesbianism. There you go. Yeah, the budding lesbianisms. Yeah.

That's just the theme of the show. It doesn't really say anything about bowling. Yeah. Budding lesbianism bowling pin. There you go. That's it. Nailed it. Yeah.

Nailed it again. What are you rolling? What are you rolling? Not even 100. Breaking 100 feels great to me. Les pins? Shit, that's probably it. I think that is as close as we're going to get.

Thank you. Great job, Sarah. I'm very proud of you. Wait, so you asked what was the first time you bowled. Yeah, what was the first time you bowled. Yeah, what was the first time you bowled? Like you had a – Yeah, like – No, I just feel like you – it sounded like you had an attachment that I was imagining started when you were younger or like –

No, it's not like – look. It's a recent thrill. No, you had a particularly peaking recent thrill. I understand. That makes sense. You had a particularly peaking recent thrill. I understand. That makes sense.

When it comes to things that I did in Burlingame, it really doesn't match other highlights such as Orange Julius at Ceramonte or Pizza and Pipes, the pizza restaurant with the giant pipe organ. Yeah. What? Yeah. Look, we've talked about this on the show. I don't want to. Sorry. I need to listen to your catalog. Listen to the whole back catalog.

There's only about 400 or 500 of them. Yeah. So you don't have a particular bowling memory? No, no. I went with some friends when I was younger. And my brother

got into it for a while. So I, by curious, I sort of like followed along. But I've never been a huge bowler. There's nothing worse than bowling with someone who knows how to bowl.

Oh, yeah. That's the worst. You all have to be on the, you either all have to care or all have to not care. The other thing is when I was younger, I grew up in a band, Nickel Creek, and we – I was a kid. We grew up from kiddom into adulthood together. And in Kentucky, Chris Thiele, our bandmate, and his family moved to Kentucky when we were like 15. And they moved to Murray, Kentucky, which has a college there. And we spent like two weeks in Murray, Kentucky in the winter when I was like 15.

And it was so cold. And we would go to the rec center and bowl. And these bowling balls, guys, had huge crevices, like huge, dense, giant chips out of these balls. You're not getting a smooth roll out of these balls. There's no way to gauge. This is like a foosball at the Columbia Park Boys Club. You might have heard of it growing up. What kind of quality?

There's like, you can't take yourself seriously. And it just, it wasn't, I was a little too intense as a kid to enjoy it. Gotcha. You couldn't handle the fact that you couldn't. I couldn't hone my skills. There wasn't a fair fight and you couldn't get better and win. Yeah, I couldn't hone my skills. And plus, I was not the best one. So it was just bad.

It was a recipe. Who's the best one? New Prairie Home Companion host Chris Thiele? He had the most credit. Yeah, he had the most practice because he was playing on a home turf. Oh, boy. And as I understand, he's very good at playing mandolin.

Good at mandolin, good at bowling. He has it all. Maybe just finger work, finger manipulation, ease of finger movement. Sure. No particular story about this, but I went to a wedding in New

Hampshire last year and went candle pin bowling. That shit is great. You take a tiny ball that you can palm and you hurl it overhand at these tiny pins and you get three rolls instead of two. Wait, you throw it overhand? I might not have been doing it right. I might have been endangering everybody there and also drunk, but it's really fun. You get three rolls instead of two. It's a real treat.

Jordan, given how drunk you were, is it possible that you were not even actually candle pin bowling? Yeah, it could have been that I was in the woods. And you found a grapefruit tree. Yeah, I just started hurling grapefruits at signposts. But you get three rolls. I'd like to bowl that. It's really fun. I genuinely don't care about bowling, but I like the idea of a bowling alley in a basement because a bowling alley is so ordered and so fancy in its construction.

Not the bowling center, not the whole building. That is not fancy or ordered at all. It's very broken and sad. But the lane itself is so nice. It's got that nice parquet floor or whatever, you know. It's all oiled up. It's got that machine at the end. I watched Mr. Rogers.

I know what that is. Yes. Was there a Mr. Rogers where he went to a bowling alley? Yeah, yeah. He shows everybody how it works. Oh, neat. It's great. You should watch it.

I will. Thank you very much. Sorry alley? Yeah, yeah. He shows everybody how it works. Oh, neat. It's great. You should watch it. I will. Thank you very much. Sorry, go ahead, Jeff. I love the idea of having one of that of my own. It's just such a complicated set of shit. Uh-huh. You know, I would also like to have one of those, well, basically anything happening underground

also is much more exciting. Mm-hmm. Like if I had an underground room that had one of those pools where you swim against a current. Oh my gosh. That would be amazing. Those are neat.

Every time I can't go to a county fair without wanting to buy one of those. Yeah. They're in every in-flight magazine. Oh boy, they sure are. What if you ordered that on a flight and you got home and it was there? I mean, yeah. And it only takes 10 hours to install. And yeah, I mean, that would be a happy day if I like blacked out, ordered that catalog, and then I got home.

I'm like, oh, it's that thing I've always been meaning to have. What about a – That would fit in a one-bedroom apartment, right? What would you like to have in your basement, Jordan? Sauna? Blue sky, yes. A bar. A sauna would be nice.

Sauna. A pub. A little wet bar, a couple of taps. Yeah yes that would be nice sauna a little wet bar a couple of taps yeah that would be nice bars good one time i went to uh adam carolla's house celebrity podcaster adam carolla's house and uh he's got this bar where there's porthole windows behind the bar that go all the way into his pool like the pool is on a hill so the bar that go all the way into his pool. Like the pool is on a hill, so the bar is set down the hill a little bit. That's awesome. So it's level, like the ceiling of the bar is a foot higher than the edge of the pool. You look through the bar into the pool. It's fucking great.

That's amazing to see people swim by. Yeah. Here's what I want in my basement. Yeah. Flat, sit down, Ms. Pac-Man that you could put a drink on. Oh, yeah. God, they had one of those at Los Panchos, the papooseria by my house. That's a great kind of Ms. Pac-Man.

That's the first Pac-Man I played. Oh, yeah? Mm-hmm. I mean, that's the only way to play Pac-Man. It's pretty great. If you ask me, you got to sit there. You could sit a little drink on it. Guy sits on the other side.

That's player two. There was a studio that had a Ms. Pac-Man. And we just sat. We just were there all day. God, it's so good. Yeah, just paying $250 an hour. No. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. It's free. We'll lay down that drum track later. Yeah. It's free. We'll lay down that drum track later. Yeah, boy, I don't love to play, like, retro video games for a long time. I think most of them are, like, bad by today's standards. Like, playing Donkey Kong isn't that fun for a long period of time. Like, you play it and you're like, oh, I remember those sounds. Be-be-bomb, be-boom.

Whoop, whoop, whoop. Yeah, meh, meh. Great. But the game itself isn't that fun. Right. And that is my... I don't want to go off on a rant here, guys. Hold on.

It sounds like Jordan's building up to one of his signature rants, Sarah. I'm about to step into the rant zone. Welcome to the rant zone. Would you like a cherry lime ranking? Gross soda jerk. What are you doing here in the rant zone. Would you like a cherry lime ranking? Gross soda jerk. What are you doing here in the rant zone? I'm also the announcer for the rant zone. Oh, so a lot of jobs then.

On the side. Well, being a soda jerk doesn't pay as well as it used to. Oh, okay. I actually trained as a pharmacist. Oh, you know, it's weird how much I haven't gotten to know you. I got fired for stealing pills. I love pills. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

Eat them up. Eat up those pills. I'm a lot like Ms. Pac-Man. Imagine Ms. Pac-Man eating Mike in it like that. Can I give you a strategy tip for Ms. Pac-Man? Sure. First you get that power pill. Uh-huh.

Then you get at them ghosts. Yeah. Got to get at them ghosts. Get at them ghosts. And maybe a pretzel. So, and I think that's the problem with these newfangled beer cades that are opening up all over the place. There's one in Echo Park. Smash?

Button mash. Button mash. Button mash. Yeah. Good food there. Why is that food Echo Park. Smash? Button mash. Button mash. Yeah. Good food there. Why is that food so good? It's so good. I went there. I'm like, alright. That's why that place is cool. Beercade. I'll eat some of this food. Why is this food so fucking good? Button mash.

Who knew? And I like the idea of a video game bar. It's, you know, it's up my alley. Yeah. But I don't want to sit around and play pole position. It's up my alley. Yeah. But I don't want to sit around and play pole position. It's a bad game. You're a fun guy in your 30s. I'm a fun guy

in my 30s? Did you guys think I wasn't? I am! Do you want to go to a bar that... Do they have bars now that are like bars, restaurants that are the new programs? I don't think they have the new programs. They've got all the latest programs, yes. No, I mean, I think there are...

Do they have Windows 95? Sega? Zelda? What? Yeah, they have Sega Zelda. Every kid's favorite program, Sega Zelda. But video games got better. You know, they got a lot better. Super Nintendo. Super Nintendo. Super Nintendo.

Philip Seedy Interactive. Absolutely. Keep on naming them. All these were great. Sonic the Hedgehog. That's, oh, I mean, talk about great. He curls up in that little ball and boom, he shoots right out. You got it.

Can I give you a strategy? He's after them pills. I babysat. I knew what that was. Cool. Can I give you a strategy tip for Sonic the H pills. I babysat. I knew what that was. Cool. Can I give you a strategy tip for Sonic the Hedgehog? Yeah. Curl up in a ball.

Then get at them rings. Boom. Get at them rings. So yeah, I think, okay, old games aren't fun to play. Stop saying it's cool. Stop saying you want to go to a bar with a Donkey Kong. You don't. It's not that fun.

But Ms. Pac-Man fucking holds up. I could sit and play Ms. Pac-Man for a long period of time. Now what's the difference? What? Why? I don't know. I think Pac-Man is just such an impeccably done game. I think it's just perfect. That's why it was so popular. It's just fun to play.

I don't know. It's invigorating. You can kind of get better. You can have little strategies great noises, chase a pretzel Who doesn't like to chase a pretzel? I'd go to a barcade there's just row after row of Windows

consoles where you can play that game Free Ski where you go off the bumps and then a yeti eats you and picks his teeth with a stick Man, fucking Yetis. What? Yeah. That game's inside of your Windows 95 PC.

Jeez. Free Ski. Isn't it called Free Ski? I don't know. Ski Free. Yeah, I think it is called. You're thinking of, you're confusing Free Sell and Ski Free. Ski Free.

Ski Free Free Sell. I'm definitely thinking of Ski Free. Yeah. Free Sell's that solitaire game that you don't know the rules to I know there's so many Oh yeah The one you never open Or Spider there's so many arcane card games

Fuck you Bill Gates You get done with Solitaire And you're like oh I'm tired of Solitaire I'll open up What is it? Spider And then you look at it for like 30 seconds and you go back to Solitaire. I'm going back to Ski Free.

Gotta get up those jumps. Gotta get up those jumps. Can I give you a strategy tip for Ski Free? Sure. Go off them jumps. But watch out for that Yeti! He's on pills! We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse go I'm Biz and I'm Teresa and we host the weekly comedy podcast one bad mother we celebrate our moments of parenting genius as well as our failures.

Just like, we're going to have hot dogs. And I'm like, no, we're having fun. Everybody loves hot dogs. Yeah. And it just like smashes that thing right on my chest.

And then I'm just crying in the middle of like kids space while people are like literally dancing with their children. Parenting can be sad and painfully funny at the same time.

So join us each week as we admit that this is hard, but we're getting really good at it. Find us at MaximumFun.org or wherever you download podcasts. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, With the other Sarah Watkins, whose nickname is Horsey Sauce. She works at Arby's. Old Horsey Sauce. She's good in everything.

I want to mention that I am coming to Chicago, Illinois. That's the Windy City, Jordan. For the Chicago Podcast Festival next month. We will be doing a show with our friends from Lady to Lady. There will be the opening act. And then I will be doing a show with our friends from Lady to Lady. There will be the opening act, and then I will be doing Bullseye, and we're going to have the great Dwayne Kennedy, one of the funniest guys in the world,

doing a stand-up set. An interview with Andre Royo from Empire and The Wire, who's a super cool, fun guy, and some other shit. It's going to be great. Buy your tickets now. Tickets on sale now. And if you live in Chicago, you got something to look forward to in early 2017.

That's all I can say about it, Jordan. Say a little bit more about it. Just say a little bit more about it. February of 2017. There you go. Say a month. Look forward to that, Chicago. Early or late?

Early-ish. Okay. Clear your calendars, Chicago. Early or late? Early-ish. Okay. Clear your calendars, Chicago. Clear them up. That means you, Mayor Rahm Emanuel. That means you, White Sox. Bobby Thigpen. Frank the Big Hurt Thomas.

Mm-hmm. Okay. Here we go. When something momentous happens to you, you, the Jordan Jessico listener, yes, I'm talking to you right now, the guy or lady with the headphones in your ears, we ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN

for our segment Momentous Occasions. Let's take our first call. I'm calling in with what I think is probably a moment of shame. I was made of honor at a Harry Potter wedding and gave an absolutely beautiful toast. And now no one's going to remember it because fucking Dumbledore came in and gave a really dumb toast afterwards. Thanks.

Bye. Yeah, fuck Dumbledore. Dumbledore's always upstaging. I thought, is Dumbledore a guy or a team in the Harry Potter? It's like his teacher. Is Dumbledore? Yeah. Do you think they got. His Dumbledore? Yeah. Do you think they got the real Dumbledore from the book?

I know. Maybe. I don't know if he does weddings. It's hard to imagine the real Dumbledore giving a bad toast. Yeah. He's so wise. He's a wise wizard. He's got a lot to say. He sounds dumb to me. No, that's a wizard's trick. This guy seems like a't know, guys. He's got a lot to say. He sounds dumb to me.

No, it's a wizard's trick. This guy seems like a real dumb old boar. He tricks you with his unassuming name, and then boom, he gets your bills. And he gets at them rings. And he gets those rings. Harry Potter wedding. How do you feel Sarah Watkins Sarah you're a married woman Yeah

You got that handsome husband I do Very handsome I met this guy a couple times Every time I look at this guy I think Look at this handsome fucker Seems like a real looker You know what I mean

I would imagine I was thinking that you know You were on At Midnight Last night As we record this And people can watch it on ComedyCentral.com right now, probably. It was great. You were a delight. Nice of you to say.

Thank you. I was in the studio audience with Daniel from the Max Fun Office. Smart Bunny was there. Oh, yeah. Nice to see Smart Bunny. Riley Silverman was there. A few other favorite folks, Not least of whom was your mom Your mom's husband

And your sister And I think your sister's husband Your sister's husband Fucking handsome Oh you're talking about Tyler? Yeah Yeah that's Tyler That's Tyler alright

That guy's fucking handsome Yeah he's jacked This guy's got a cut face Yeah This guy's got those bones A lot of angles He's got those bones Always running tri of angles. He's got those bones. Always running triathlons.

Sarah, what's your husband's name again? Todd Cooper. Todd, this handsome motherfucker. This guy's so handsome. This guy sounds like a real, a real beautiful man. He's too handsome to talk to almost. I don't think that's true. He's a very nice man.

Yes. Don't get me wrong. He's very nice. I like this Todd. Yeah. I sat next to him at a couple of dinner events. Mm-hmm. Okay? I like this Todd. This is not about me not liking Todd, okay?

You have to be some kind of dick not to like Todd. Jeez. Well, especially how fucking handsome this guy is. Give me a break, Todd. He's off the throttle a little. Okay. Here's my question for you. What is this, Sonic the Hedgehog? How do you feel

about a goofy wedding or a theme wedding? Are you for it or against it? Well, I don't think it would ever be my choice to. I'm not a big themed dress up person.

Yeah. I wish I was. I feel like that makes me not fun and not silly and stuff. Halloween's coming up. Yeah. I don't think any of us are going all out. No. And maybe I've got that wrong.

I don't know. Jesse, are you going all out? Oh And maybe I've got that wrong. I don't know, Jesse. Are you going all out? Oh, yeah. Balls to the wall. Okay. Getting them pills. Gotta get them. Getting those costumes.

Gotta get them. Give me that candy. Yeah, but you're not a big dresser-upper. I'm not. I don't know why. It seems the payoff does not outweigh the hassle of putting the costume together. I like a solemn wedding. Yeah.

I like a reverential wedding. Dignified. How about that? Sure. I feel like weddings are really important. It's the most important thing, and I don't like the idea of people goofing them up with a bunch of goofy bullshit. And I've officiated weddings. Look, Guy and Mary Beth, I ran their wedding in Seattle, Washington.

Right into the ground. You know how I did it? With a sense of occasion. I'm not known for my sense of occasion. Did you wear your wizard hat? Yeah, well, something had to cover up my dick. The hard hat wasn't big enough. Got a very long penis.

I wonder if... Smallish penis. I wonder if they... I guess I don't know enough about the Harry Potter averse to know if their world has wedding rituals in it. I don't know if in the series we ever see it. It's very generous of you to consider this. Yeah, the wizarding world of Harry Potter.

Yeah. I did not finish the books. They got bigger and bigger. And they spent more and more time not at school. They were just at the house. They're hanging out at Costco. Not even doing anything magical, just having samples. So I stopped reading them

can you believe how cheap this chicken is so you never got to any kind of wedding i did not i did not see that if that happened i did not i did not become aware of it you know i'm fine with people i think it's great if people find another... If this lady is super into it, and she found this dude who's also super into that kind of stuff, and they get to do a little cosplay wedding thing. That's great. Good for you.

You found your match. It's just not my match. Here are my two worries with this. I'm a little more forgiving than Jesse about this kind of thing. But here's what gives me pause. It's like when you see, and we're seeing a lot of this online because it's the Halloween season. Sure. You see like a dad-daughter costume

where the daughter is Boba Fett or something. And it's like, that fucking five-year-old kid didn't want to be Boba Fett. I mean, they probably like dressing up. They probably like the attention from the parents. The same thing as the fucking Dead Kennedy shirt on the baby.

Yeah. Me and my kids are going after Ramones. Right. When he poops in his pants, he's Stinky Ram ramone i don't know if it gets poop in their pants all the ramones poop in their pants they were all on heroin so yes probably had some heroin poops um it's like it's it's this you know one person in that daddy daughter photo where dad's Han Solo and daughter's Boba Fett. This is dad's thing. It's for daddy.

For daddy's Facebook. And dad's the one that's a grown-up. Dad's a grown-up, yes. Dad's the one who should have developed a sense of shame. Sure. And maybe the daughter. It's probably fun for the daughter. Kids, they like attention from the parents.

It's probably not damaging to the kid. But it's also a sense of like, oh, okay, this is your fucking thing. Oh, she wanted – oh, she loves Boba Fett. Does she? Yeah. Probably doesn't. She also, I don't know, loves eating paperclips. You know, dress up as that.

Jordan's been a nanny for many years. He knows a lot about the kinds of things that children do. I know children. Paperclip eating. Eating them. Wearing toaster ovens as hats. But the other side, the other, I mean, I have, I feel like I cannot also gang up on the same

side as you. I feel like I have to represent the other side a little bit, which is kids are dumb and you can make them wear things. I understand that. And that's kind of great. Like you have, what, five years, four years before they start putting on their own clothes? If you're going to make them wear something, make them wear overalls. They're cute. Sure.

All kids look cute in overalls. That's like functional though. It makes it harder to change their diodies. Because they have their little hammers they need to hang from their overalls. Tiny wee hammers. Wee hammers. It's not the worst thing in the world. I'm too mad about it.

It's not. Who cares? Have a fun family costume. Oh, your family did things together? Oh, that's the fucking worst. Listen to me complaining about your fun fucking loving family where you take photos and lavish attention on their... Who cares?

Anyway, I'm a jerk. But in that... Okay, so I'm talking about that dynamic where this is one person's thing that the other one is going along with. I worry in the nerd-themed wedding that it's one person's thing and the other one's like. That's where we could run into some trouble. Yeah. If this becomes a pattern. Sure.

You know. A real Harry Potterzilla situation. A pushover. And then I also worry about that. You know, families coming in from Maine, Virginia Beach. Yeah. And they got to sit through you. They got to pick one.

Throwing your Patronus around. They got to pick one of the Harry Potter teams to be on. Yeah. They don't know. Oh my gosh, you know they have that. That it's like the two different teams, the right and left side. Yeah. The bright side Gryffindor. Then they got to play Squiffle Ball.

You got to play. So, yeah, I guess if you're both simpatico on this nerd wedding and, you know, it's mostly a friend group thing. You don't have, like, relatives coming in who got to, you know, wonder. My dad would not be into going to some relative's wedding. He's got to, like, dress up. As a centaur. Not his cup of tea. So in that case,

I think go ahead and have the Firefly wedding or fucking whatever. Anyway, that's my red zone. I'm out of the red zone, guys. Aw. I mean, I had a Chicago Bears-themed wedding. That's true. But it was all like...

Did you really? I learned the Super Bowl shuffle. Sure. To do at the reception. I had a wedding-themed wedding. That's true. Did you really? I learned the Super Bowl shuffle. To do at the reception. I had a wedding-themed wedding. That's enough. How about a love-themed wedding? It's true that we all have agreed on wedding theme. Wedding, this has become a theme of itself.

Brides didn't always wear dresses. They wore what the queen wore. That's why they wore dresses, I imagine, but not white gowns. Yeah, so maybe we're all- So we have all sort of- Given into a kind of theme or a cosplay. That's right.

That's right. This patrician idea of love. Yeah. That's also very patriarchal. So I think maybe it's brave to have a Harry Potter wedding now. Oh, yeah. No, I think it's brave. I love courage. I feel like it's brave to have a Harry Potter wedding now. Oh, yeah. No, I think it's brave. I love courage.

I feel like it's really brave and courageous. Really shows your allyship. Yeah. To have a Harry Potter wedding. Yeah. It means you're allied with Dumbledore. Sure. He's probably a Dumble-bore.

All right, stop slamming Dumbledore. He's had enough. Call off your dogs, Thorne. Let's take one more call. Hi, Jordan, Jesse Go. So I have a momentous occasion. Today I received 5,000 free Delta airline miles. the airline miles and the reason i received 5,000 free airline miles was because i was seated next to the worst smelling man in human history i have nothing to compare this smell to i feel like there

may have been a festering decaying part of his body under his clothing but um the flight attendants were passing out peppermint oil on little cotton swabs for everyone seated next to him or in front in the row in front of him or behind him that they could hold to their noses for the four-hour flight that we were on to las vegas and they gave us free drinks and free snacks and kept apologizing the entire time. And this man seemed to not know that he smelled, but he did. Wow. This guy got to sit next to Gary Busey. Point break.

Gary Busey. That break. Gary Busey. That's amazing. Guys. Wow. This guy got to sit next to Tom Brady from Boston. Whoa. From the New England Patriots.

Does Tom Brady smell? I don't know. I like that the airline has a- He's got the stench of a cheater after Deflategate. Am I right, guys? I don't know. I still don't understand that. I still don't understand that.

I still don't understand that. But also don't want to have it explained to me. That would be like 10 out of 10 boring. Anyway. That's how you do the Super Bowl, Shuffle. Yay. All right. I like that the airline has a contingency plan for this.

They had peppermint oil on hand in case of smellies. Can you imagine what it's like to be a flight attendant? You've got to be ready for that kind of shit. You just got to do it. You're all in the tube. Sure. Nobody's getting out. I'm flying Delta in like a week. Yeah. Okay. Well, congratulations, William Randolph Wurst.

I'm going to ask them for peppermint oil and see if they just carry it. Yeah. All the time. They might. Just say you have a smelly situation. Just reach up, press that ding-dong button. Ding-dong. Can I help you, man?

Yeah. Can I have the stink kit? Stink kit? Let me at that stink kit. Yeah. I got a bad case of the air stinks. Give me thatank kit. Yeah. I got a bad case of the air stinks. Give me that stank kit. Yeah, I can't.

I just, I want to know more about this guy. Stank man's got to fly. Yeah. He's got to get to Las Vegas so he can stink up to Caesar's Palace. You know, it's that famous Werner Herzog documentary, Stank Man's Got a Plot. Sure. Aren't we all stank, man? If it had come to us, down to it.

We are all stank, man. The birds of the air, they are stank, man. The beasts of the land, they are also stink man. Man's battle with stank is ever ending. Anyway, we've done a lot of fun voices on the show today. What?

That one wasn't so fun. Sorry. That's okay. We'll be back in just a second. I'll join Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Do you We'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Jessico. interviews with talented actors and comedians like duane kennedy and andre royo don't miss your chance to be part of podcast history by attending the first ever chicago podcast festival lady to lady and bullseye take the stage on november 17th and minority corner performs on november 18th tickets are on sale right now visit maximumfund.org for more information and to grab your ticket today right now Visit MaximumFun.org for more information and to grab your ticket today.

Right now. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Sarah Watkins, horsey kicks. Sarah Watkins, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Sarah Watkins, horsey kicks. Sarah Watkins, of course, known for her love of the old four string. She's a singer-songwriter. Her new album is called You're Only Young Once.

Is that right? Yeah, that's the alternative title, the parenthetical title. That's actually the text of the t-shirt your aunt got at that wine tasting. Sorry. You were confusing. I was wondering why Sarah's album was so quiet. Yeah. What?

Wait. I was listening to it. You were listening to it. Listen, I have something to say about this album. Yeah. Jordan, you ran out. You've actually spent quality time with this album. So I've, listen, I'm, you know, I'm setting my ways. I'm not buying a lot of new music these days.

No. You're a fun-loving 30-year-old. I'm a fun guy in his 30s. You already got all the Hoobastank albums. I got all the Hoobastanks. The early stuff. Yeah. The middle Hoobastanks. The early stuff. Yeah. The middle period stuff.

Sure. The hits. The experimental stuff. B-sides, only out in Japan. Emphasis on the mental. And best ofs. And of course the best ofs, which always have a few bonus tracks. Those bonus tracks.

Gotta get those. I got the Target version, too. That's got a special bonus track. Oh, wow. And it was only $8.99. It's got an acoustic version of Check Out My Stank. I wish I had a Hoobastank song pull. Do you think that that guy might have been sitting next to Hoobastank himself?

Yeah, could be. That's what it was. He was next to Hoobastank. Yeah. You know how you can tell if you're sitting next to Hooba Stank? Here's a test you use. You turn over and look at him, make eye contact, go, hey, yo, you the stank? Hey, Hooba.

Hey, yo. Hey, Hooba. You the stank? You smell something? I have to say, a lot of people don't know this, and some people think that it's an old wives' tale or an urban legend. But if you ask Hooba Stank, hey, yo, are you the stank? Yeah.

They have to answer truthfully. They have to be a cop if they're a cop. Yeah. I bought exactly three new record albums this year. By that, I mean three MP3 downloads. Uh-huh. Okay. So we got Adele.

Not Adele. Norah Jones. You're right. You're right. Okay, you want to try and guess? You're right when you're thinking Songstress. Spoiler alert, one of these is Sarah's albums, but I bought two others other than that. Taylor Swift.

Not Taylor Swift. She's very popular. Very popular. Songstress. Songstress. Not Taylor Swift. She's very popular. Very popular. Songstress. Songstress. Songstress. Songstress. Songstress.

Oh, was it the Solange? It was not the Solange. I didn't buy the Solange. Can I just offer a very quick sidebar about that Solange album? Yes. At some point, Solange was like, you know what we should get on my album? An interview with Master P. She was

right! Did they do that? Who knew? When she turned to the, you know, whoever she was, Raphael Sadiq, whoever she was in the studio with, she said, you know what? Let's get Master P in here for a quick interview to put on my music album. Probably that person said, oh, Master P? The make a quick interview to put on my music album.

Probably that person said, oh, Master P? The Make Them Say Uh guy? The mastermind of No Limit Records? For an interview? Yeah, that guy. And then they did it. Worked out great. I love that.

I think that album's got a lot of great stuff on it. Great part of the album is when Master P's talking about how make him say, it's the sound of his pain. There you go. Sounds like a parody thought about that album. It's a real thought. It was the Rihanna album. Like it a lot. Bought the new NoFX album. It's very good.

Some of their best work in years. And I bought Sarah's album. Tuneful? Huh? Tuneful? Tuneful. Exciting? Exciting. Fast. Do you stream them? Hard. Do you stream? work in years yeah uh and i bought sarah's album and i just huh tuneful exciting exciting now do you stream them hard stream how how do you decide which albums you're gonna buy uh yeah i think with the with the rihanna one it was just it was coming on the radio often enough that i was i'm like oh

i fucking jam out to every one of these songs that's on here so i should just buy the thing uh it didn't know if x is just a must-buy for me. Sure. If it comes out, I download it day of. Yeah. And I bought your album, and I just love it so much. I'm having this technical issue with it where my Prius. Yeah.

You're welcome. Well, when I get in and I turn on on the bluetooth it'll just pick a song to play and that's the fucking worst here's the thing unless mine plays a second or third tier prince b-side called acknowledge me from the early 90s that he raps on. It's very important to have the first, the highest alphabetized whatever, the first one in the alphabet. Yeah. You need to have a good song in there as your first song in alphabetical order because you will get in a car and somehow that will be the thing.

Anyways, my car plays a Sarah Watkins and I fucking love it. If this was playing another song, I probably would hate this feature. Yeah. I get in the car. On comes the Watkins. My day is fucking 80% better. I love it. It's a terrific album.

I put it on when there's people in the car whose musical tastes that I don't know a lot about. Yeah. You know? I'm like, I don't know what this person will like. Probably a little of the old four string. Yeah. Maybe they will like a little of the old four string. I turn on the Watkins. They love it.

If they don't already know who it is, without question, people ask me, who is this? So great. Where do I get it? I say, go to iTunes.com. Amazon.com. Amazon.com. Best Buy.com. Your local record store.

What's that? Don't know. Just making noise. Something that people say. Yeah, it's so terrific. Whole Foods. I buy my records when I say Whole Foods.

Yeah, it's been a real treat and it's been a constant positive companion for me on my drives. Wow. And it's lovely and people should buy it. Thank you so much

for saying that. It's really sweet. Can we close this week's Jordan Jesse Go with a song from your album? I would love that. What song should we pick? Acknowledge Me by Prince?

I am... Is it always the same song that comes up? It's the title track. Young in All the Wrong Ways. Yeah. See, because originally I was thinking we could play Move Me, but maybe we should play

Young in All the Wrong Ways. So you can imagine what it's like getting in the car with me around 7.30am. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Okay. Let's do it. Young in All the Wrong Ways. We're going to hear from Sarah Watkins' new album of the same name. Sarah Watkins, it's been a joy.

Thank you so much for coming on the program. It's so lovely to be in this egg crate room. Yeah. The old torture chamber. Brian Fernandez, a.k.a. Sonny D, on the boards. We're on Reddit, MaximumFun.reddit.com on Twitter, at Jesse Thorne, at Jordan underscore

Morris. You on there? Yeah, I'm on the twits. What are you at? It's at Sarah Watkins? Yep. No H. No H on that, Sarah. No H in Watkins either. Fuck H. Except in Thorne. It helps turn torn into thorn it does

or in neighbor or way you got it and in weird and in weird hashtag it JJ Go on Twitter join us on Facebook

and the Maximum Fun group I'll see you you Chicagoans in Chicago at the Chicago Podcast Festival oh shit Jordan one more thing got all these fucking cufflinks in the Put This On Shop you wouldn't believe these fucking cufflinks

sounds like there's some links in there Jordan oh we got links hyperlinks everything from hyperlinks to hotlinks hot damn yeah putthisonshop.com and while supplies last you can use the code linked for free shipping.

Oh, you can use the code fullchort. Use the code fullchort and put this on. Wait, what is that code? Fullchort. Full? Chort. That's a running joke in the podcast that's not funny if you explain it. Great.

Honestly, it was barely funny at the time. I don't know. I laughed for like 10 minutes straight. Hard to say. Not sure in retrospect what was funny about it. Yeah. I'll let you have it. Thank you.

Thank you so much. We need this so bad. Oh, we need it. Okay. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, Go. Enjoy Sarah Watkins' new tune from her new album, Young in All the Wrong Ways. Young in all the wrong ways. Young in all the wrong ways You sound just like Sarah Watkins from the album Young in All the Wrong Ways.

You're thinking of Horsey kicks. Oh, got it. Young in all the wrong ways Young in all the wrong ways take this clear to see honey it's all the same cracks in the windows broken chairs no more to play wasn't time for me to hold on

there was a time for trust But I'm not just gonna sit here in the dust Tell me when you think of us Is it only memories Of the day when we were both born Can you think of us as lonely memories? Of the day when we were both born naive. Well, I've got no time to look back, so I'm gonna leave you here. I'm going out to see about my own frontier. To see about my own frontier I'm going out

To see about my own frontier You were my future But that's in the past You'll get another And it might last You remind me of the girl I was When I was young on the wrong way I learned how to hustle, to like the feel of that love

I'm not I've gone miles and God knows I've got to fight. I've gone miles and God knows I've got to fight. And I'm a future. It's all past. You'll get another. And it might last You remind me of the girl I was When I was in the wrong way We'll be right back. You're not my future It's all the past

There'll be another And in my last For you the only purpose I still serve Is to remind you of the man you were Yeah, I remind you of the man you were When we were young and on the wrong way I was young and on the wrong way MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

Listener supported.